#sorry thats not a good fact but its what i HAVE
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i truly have no tolerance for this fandom shittin on random fans personal trans headcanons. someone saw themselves and their experience in this character, isnt that beautiful? why dont you mind your business and focus on your own fan stuff? wouldnt that make you happier? someones headcanon doesnt negate yours. what the fuck is wrong with yall. its playing make believe x2. its just a headcanon. real life trans folks are in active danger right now and some of yall are wasting all your energy abusing others over which pronoun set figments of someone elses imagination 'should' be using
#our t#this is *any* trans hc it doesnt matter the flavour of the trans headcanon. i dont have time for that shit i have real problems#if i see one more fight over jegbert or dave on this site i s2g#if june happens on screen like if we SEE june happen on screen then that will be canon. even for a single panel she will be canon#but genderbend aus have existed since the dawn of fuckin time and an au isnt gonna suddenly blast june's canon transness outta existence#like what are yall TALKING about.#and im saying 'if' w/ a heavy fuckin sigh bc while the hsbc team has stated that they have plans no one knows#when or where or how thats gonna happen. i want it to happen & i have my own hopes for how it will but we'll just have to see#but this aint abt rep yall just want justification to punch e/o in the face & call it 'fighting against ur intercommunity oppressors'#or whatever cause none of yall are brave enough to get organized#and actually try to make changes in ur communities.....headcanons will never be actual representation#as for dave. yall know that transmascs and cis boys also struggle with masculinity right? esp hegemonic pressures and ideals?#thats kinda what LE is about? thats why so many trans guys see themselves in the striders. thats why i think theyre supposed to be cis#but thats ALSO why so many transfemme folks see themselves in dave. and that should be rlly beautiful!!! we're not so different!!!#its almost like that power structure harms everyone in different ways bc of how we treat e/o inside of the structure!!!!!#i cant TELL you how many of my cis guy friends have cptsd from just not being allowed to express sadness or joy in an acceptable way#and davepeta being nonbinary only adds to this!!! davepetas existence in contrast to dave DIRECTLY MIRRORS roxy in meat/candy#but yall are never gonna be fuckin ready for that so what the fuck ever i guess#i just feel constantly forced outside of this fandom or scorned as a Bad Tranny bc im very literally in the middle of this shit#and i dont believe one style of presentation is inherently better or morally righteous than the other. like what are yall expecting#are yall expecting to be let into tranny heaven bc u wear a skirt and say 'haha yeah all instances of mascness is grossss' be for real#just rlly highlights the fact that no one in this fandom wants to care abt intersex trans ppl or hear them talk or try to#contribute to gender analysis. its not girlboss enough i guess. sorry for not drinking the radfem rhetoric thats embedded itself#into this site i suppose. hope the fandom gets better but idk i dont think thats gonna happen anytime soon#stop treating femininity as smth inherently Morally Good its all 'divine feminine moon phase' bullshit slightly repackaged#to include transfemme folks. which none of yall should want. its a direct pushback to actual feminism but ok all mascs evil bc LE i guess#im not missing the fact that this fandom cracks down hard on queer mascness & tries to 1:1 equate that hegemonic cismasculinity either#yall aint slick at all. sorry im just. fucking tired. feeling like i dont exist & my words dont matter
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Okay so there’s this ww artist on ig called like tooth lilys or something and he’s always causing drama in the ww fandom and he mouthed off about your art and now heaps of insta ww fans are like talking about you :| free publicity?
ahhhh so thats whats happening .. lmao thats crazy
i checked out their story, and i sure doooo love how they leave some things out when talking about both situations that they mentioned to make me look worse ..
ok so
warning, yap session incoming
the "will wood in a (miku) binder" thing happened back in fall 2023 when i was still semi new to the fandom and didnt know a lot of things. so tho i to this day i dont think it was that big of a deal, i wouldnt do it today
it was an artwork made for shits and giggles, the context of which i have explained here before. i never meant to imply that will wood is trans and i certainly dont "headcanon" him as that. my curse is that even when joking around i tend to try and make my art look good, so i get why people thought it was unironic. and i know that it sounds like a lame ass excuse, but it legit didnt cross my mind that people would think i drew will wood as a trans guy or smth. legit my only thought process was "funny haha internet thing" + "my favorite thing" = "good idea"
now the usage of his real name is something i am genuinely sorry for, but it was an accident and a genuine mistake on my part. i remember seeing someone mention it casually in some comment section, and assuming that it was ok, since i didnt know he was in any way against it. (i also thought that it was the same name that he used in "the real will wood" in that one section cus it sounded a bit similar).
when i was informed about the fact that he doesnt want it spread around i deleted the post right away and apologized, so bringing it up like something i did on purpose and out of malicious intent is a tad bit .. misfitting, if you can use that word
now the hot topic of the day: my waywood art
i have said this before and i will say this again, how i feel about rpf is solely based off how the people involved feel about it
to clarify: i never drew anything inappropriate or even suggestive with them, the "worst" thing is 2 simple sketches of them smoochin. or. this.
idk if this is what they were referring to when talking about me drawing will wood and gerard way "making out" (specifically. because i think "making out" implies to be more sexual stuff than small kisses). and if so, then it once again feels like blowing things out of proportion
and now the point i want you to get: will wood wouldnt give a flying fuck
like i said earlier, i never drew anything inappropriate, because that would actually cross will's existent and real boundaries. you know, the ones that he stated
im not making some conspiracy theories about him being gay, like some people seem to imply in their inbox messages to me
im not sending a whole ass smut fanfiction to litwtc gmail or something, i dont bother him in instagram dms asking if he wants to fuck gerard way, im not shipping him with people who he actually knows personally and has to look in the eyes of from time to time
im not doing anything that he would actually care about
him and chris have joked about him being attracted to gerard before, and though im not saying that you can joke about everything theyve ever joked about, i feel like in our case its clear that will clearly doesnt care about the implications ? (i generally believe that ww fans would get their panties twisted about less things if more of them listened to what these 2 talk about so calmly on litwtc but i digress)
if he saw that some random teenager on tumblr is drawing him and gerard way (gasp of horror) holding hands, he'd laugh at it max and then move on with his day
people are treating the whole situation like i posted pictures of him from when he was a kid or leaked patreon content or drew him fully naked or anything else that, you know, would actually affect him in one way or another
what im doing is innocent fun which isnt even likely to reach either of them. will wood very rarely checks tumblr and, once again, i genuinely dont believe he would care. and gerard way aint got no internet + he doesnt care x 2
it is weird but rn this is what brings me the most joy, even if its silly to say. both will wood and gerard way mean a lot to me and putting them in situations together makes me happy. i am but a child full of fun whimsy
i wont be posting any more explicitly romantic art to avoid more drama, and i also wont be responding to all the anon messages i received because there are like .. too many of them. an overwhelming amount i'd say. sorry about that
i really didnt mean to cause such a fuss, and i understand why some people might be uncomfortable with what i do
i fully understand why you would dislike my waywood hyperfixation shenanigans, and i dont have a problem w you over that, but treating me like pure evil because of a thing so insignificant is just.. overdoing it
once again, i will be toning it down, but it really isnt the end of the world if i dare to draw will wood and gerard way being a tad bit gay (which is, i apparently need to mention, not me actually saying that will wood the alternative musician is a homosexual gay who is in a genuine for real actual real gay homosexual relationship with gerard fucking way the lead singer of my chemical romance. i think speculating on other people's sexuality and gender identity is boooo tomato tomato tomato)
sorry for the rant and sorry to all who were disappointed by my lack of remorse. come back in a couple years when i turn 18 and stop having fun and artistic freedom
thank you for your attention and i hope i at least cleared some things up to those who werent w me throughout every event where i get involved in fandom drama
bye bye
#asmo goes blahblahblah#my chemical overreaction#idk should i tag this with the will wood tag#on one hand i probably should so more people understand my perspective but i also dont want this to be a better drama than it already is#bleh whatever#fun fact the will wood in a miku binder situation caused me to be anxious about every artwork i post#cus im afraid i didnt consider that people would see the obvious implications that arent actually there#im gonna close my inbox cus#once again#stressful#but yeah. i guess thats it
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How are you feeling about act two? Specifically the Meljay storyline? 👀
HIHI im so sorry for replying so late ARGHHHH
I'm feeling everything and nothing at the same time. IM SAD, IM ANGRY, IM GIGGLY, IM SAD AGAIN, EVERYTHING AT ONCE I TELL YOU.. This act was SICK AND TWISTEDDDDDUH.
First of all, the Medarda lore had me seizure-ing on my ceiling, Jayces storyline had me jumping around on my walls, AND THEY DIDN'T GET ENOUGH SCREENTIME TOO LIKE THATS NOT FAIR?!? I'M STILL PISSY OVER THE FACT THAT MEL APPEARED IN ONE EPISODE ONLY, THEY HUNG US ON A VERY TALL CLIFF AND LEFT US THERE FOR A WEEK. THEY'RE SO EVIL 😭
I've cried so many times at Mels storyline, the fact that it wasn't kino, the fact that Mel fell into that mess in general, I'm afraid i'll never get over or shut up about it i fear,,, The fact that Mel ISN'T her "father"s daughter? The theory that she could be patheons daughter instead?? What is LeBlanc going to do? What is MEL going to do?? Everything is coming from every single angle, its hard to clear anything out and its just SO GOOD.
the parallels with MelJay are so interesting aswell??? they're going through very similar things and it makes me wonder if they could take the same path, I'm desperate to know what happens to them, if they'll stick to eachother to the end or not, heart tells me they will because they're all they have left, without eachother they'll crumble. They're eachothers only source of sanity within this hellhole.
The fact that Jayce's life was saved by Mages TWICE, protecting him and his family and possibly SECOND family?? The theory that Mel is pregnant has me flipping all over my bed and I want to see if its actually true or not as well, the idea of both their reactions to that just makes me scream.
We're one day away from the last act, and im scared to see what they have for them, but im excited nonetheless!!
and I have no idea how to watch ir immediately becaude i don't have Netflix so if someone has any idea on how I can, I'd appreciate it
#arcane#mel medarda#mel arcane#arcane s2#arcane league of legends#arcane mel#arcane season 2#jayce talis#jayce arcane#jayce x mel#arcane jayce#jayce league of legends#arcane spoilers#arcane theory#arcane series#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane season two#arcane s2 spoilers#Arcane#tumblr asks#ask#answered#TY FOR ASKING GENTLE ILY/P#🍀
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i hope he goes and stays in texas. the toxic behavior of buddie standom has taken a character i used to like and made me hate his guts. well done! this will definitely get you your fetish ship!
they never do anything with his character anyway get rid of the racist piece of shit who plays him
Im sorry, im gonna guess by the vitrol and literal shit your spewing that you're a bummy fan? And if your not i actually still dont give a fuck. Im using you as an example.
People like you always come and come on anon and say disgusting shit like this. Because you can't do it face-to-face. You're a prime example as to why this fandom is toxic. Because why are you coming into someone's ask box and leaving this negative ass shit? Genuinely, it's a genuine question. Like, what do you gain from this? I'm using you as an example. Every single time I've gotten hate messages, i delete them, but this shit is genuinely starting to piss me off.
If a fandom can ruin a character for you maybe you need to take a step back and find what made you love the character jn the first place, because if its THAT easy that headcanons and fandom can make you hate a character, then maybe you never loved the character?
Yall are so fuckin ready to pull the 'RG is racist, you support a racist!' Card and never bother to fuckin fact check.
The man fucked up, severely, and he shouldnt have defended her. but when you're raised surrounded by machismo and told the things rg was NO DOUBT told, of fuckin course he defended his wife. I'd be more shocked if he didnt. But guess what? He divorced her, and he apologized. He's grown as a person. Do you know what happens when a racist works with the cast? Look at LFJR. The motherfucker is a tr*mp supporter, racist, misogynistic peice of shit and the crew iced him the fuck out. Oliver, who takes so many pictures, took not ONE single photo of him.
And RG did get iced out. They had beef for a good two years. Ryan has apologized. He has grown as a person, and the cast has forgiven him and moved on. Does he still act a little weird? Yeah but we're people, were all weird, look at you leaving hate in a random fuckin strangers ask box. Thats weird.
Im so TIRED of people in this fandom rushing to condem POC characters and actors because of their mistakes, but when a white character does the same, or even WORSE its all praises or 'taken out of context' or 'he didnt mean it like that'. Get the fuck outta here with that. Dont play w me rn.
#get this shit away from me#dont piss me off#eddie diaz#911 abc#buddie#evan buckley#911#911 on abc#buck x eddie#buddie 911#911 show#evan buckley x eddie diaz#ryan guzman#oliver stark#fandom discourse#fandom#anonymous#discourse
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silly comic based on a time i struggled to read live on stream :thumbsup:
context clip compilation below ASDASDFASA
(cw for brief mention of hospitals/strokes)
#in stars and time#isat#isat odile#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#<- not big ones but the convo this stems from occurs on 3rd floor before king act 2 so#cw hospital#cw stroke#<- brief stroke talk in the clip thats why#odile i am so sorry for making u deal with the fact that i cant read#or just input words?? where there arent any??? i dont know why i do that????#these streams have made me realize i sometimes just autofill words when reading SAFADDA#also random side headcanon i was thinking of while drawing this#is odile speaks alot with her hands?#idk why i just think its fun?#and kinda makes sense as someone who has travelled a lot thru different countries?#personal observation but you can convey/tell a lot without knowing a much of a different language via body language#as someone who grew up with family who spoke a different language that i do not speak LMAO#especially hands!! those say a lot!!#reading body langauge/tone helped me a lot when guessing if what was being talked about a good thing or not#tho tone to a lesser extent since uh it can be hard to tell at times i think ASDFDA#so it makes sense to me???#the art of pointing in general location is a universal skill i think?? yea#to a lesser extent i think siffrin might do this? but more subdued/under the cloak so#the cloak ends up getting in the way 90% of the time so no one can actually see that lmao#okay tag talk over#no stream time today because weather boooooo storms
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looking back at the yjh webtoon screencaps i have saved and giggling... hes so cute... moe... my pookie ^___^ 🥰🥰 poor little meow meow woof woo- *eliminated where i stand*
also these poses are sooooo... 꺄아악🖤🫣🫣🫣🫣
#talk tag#orv liveblog#<--gonna just tag my orv misc posts as this now#i looooove when the webtoon artist draws him like a demonic beast#its genuinely so moe to me smdbsndn like hes supposed to be rly handsome but theyre not afraid to make him look unhinged#i rmbr livetweeting that yjh hibernation pic captioned 'hes so moe'... apparently that was 2022(just dug it up)#more than 1 person has told me that theyre surprised i bias yjh from the webtoon alone#bc apparently they dont do his chara justice(v 😔😔😔 to hear that...thats not good..)#BUT HOW COULD I NOT BIAS HIM!!!! (apparently this is not a universal experience aldjskdj)#this just makes me even more uncontrollably excited to read the novel i cant wait to love him more than i alr do#and i love when he glares and makes a disgusted face at kdj... its so cute 🤭 he's like an angry black dog to me. hes like a wolf puppy#*tries to pat his head and gets cut down in .00001 sec... no he wouldnt waste his sword on me... i would simply perish from being in the#the presence of his aura#literally the tsundere ever#aside from hiei... hiei rly primed me to like male tsunderes guys#like after him i have loved sm tsundere male charas since#yjh is in a league of his own tho. like idc how many similar/near identical charas have come before or since#he OWNS the yjh archetype literally everyone else is just copying him <33#even if it was a choice btwn yjh and cedric id have to go w yjh... he is the original im sorry... i love u cedric#and i love that the whole point is that his design/chara archetype ISNT supposed to be original... thats the Point#he's the typical op dark haired stoic cold brooding (and sexy) protagonist...#his chara concept is supposed to be that trope... but what orv does w him is so subversive#and the fact that he is supplanted from his position as the protag in the narrative... i love it sooo much#like maybe i wouldnt care as much if he actually was the protag? bc again it wouldnt rly be new#but the fact that he isnt the actual protag is sooo good#IM NOT RLY SAYING OR ANALYZING ANYTHING RN BUT I JUST FELT LIKE YJH LOVEPOSTING#o sidenote his webtoon faces make great rxn images slfnsmd I LOVE USING THE FIRST ONE#i love using heartwrenching anime/comic moments out of context as rxn images its so funny to me#me @ the orv live action cast announcement
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hey when they wrote "knight behind bars" and they wrote kitt helping a couple get together and they gave him the line "Some day, it will be my turn" [to find love]. did they know what they were doing. did they know that in some 40 years some gay autistic robot-obsessed little freak on tumblr would not stop thinking about it for weeks and write literal dozens of paragraphs screaming about it on discord. did they know they were going to ruin Me, Specifically, with this concept that feels like the culmination of everything kitt has gone through through the show and such a fascinating thing to think about in regards to michael and kitt's relationship,
one of the themes of knight rider is kitt developing as a Person, developing a line between the Knight Industries Two-Thousand, and Kitt. discovering humanity, his own emotions, the joys of the seemingly and logically pointless, and often through the lens of his own driver, his partner, his friend, Michael - his primary guide through all these experiences, his reference for those human things he doesn't understand. and as much as he initially claims to not be capable of experiencing emotions, of understanding feelings, he learns to. he experiences a wide range of emotions through the show even while claiming he doesn't, he even learns fear and insecurity. perhaps it's only natural a robot would learn to love, or at the very least be terribly curious about it and wonder if such a thing could ever exist for Him
the majority of people are not exactly kind to kitt. they talk about him like he's not there, they talk about him like he's a machine, a novelty, some people are even scared of or disturbed by him when all he's trying to do is make polite conversation and company. he's always Othered - there's no other cars like him (at least not anymore), but there's no other person like him either, he doesn't truly belong among humans or vehicles. some of the technicians at FLAG don't even seem to fully respect him as a person, at least they don't based on my vague recollection of how they talk about him in Junkyard Dog. when Michael asks him after KARR is destroyed if it feels good to be one of a kind again, he doesn't say yes or no - he only says it's a "familiar feeling." it may be familiar, but it's surely also isolating, and i think that's something he'd realize as he slowly picks up this curiosity about love. where could he even find it when so few people see him as an equal person to begin with?
and then there's michael. oh my god, and then there's michael. no matter what flavor you choose to read it in, the whole show is about their relationship, they're a duo, a set Not to be separated, they're Partners. they work together, they worry about and look after each other (forever insane about when kitt was a melted shell, Michael stuck around the garage for hours, waiting for any news like a worried spouse, constantly checking on him every opportunity he got... encouraging him to recover, and even helping paint back on his protective coating... kitt always looks after michael, but for once, it's michael's turn to look after Him), in a way they were Made for each other - Kitt more literally, being programmed for Michael and holding his namesake, but Michael was also made in a sense for the pilot program, hand picked and given a second life to work for the foundation and with this strange supercar. and even if they had a rocky start, michael comes to view kitt as a person - car, TV set, or computer core, Kitt is his partner, his buddy. he helps him find himself, guides him and teaches him about these things that make us human, and in a way, kitt becomes human - but his entire experience is still through the perspective of an AI in a car, it's still very unique and isolating, and I think he sort of grows into his own limitations, he's finally brushing against the walls that define him.
he learns of love, and then he learns to dream Of love. these things he sees in the movies, that michael tells him about, that he so often sees michael Partaking in that he gets so oddly jealous of, doesn't it all seem so wonderful? he's very curious. but who could ever love steel and circuitry, who could ever see him as an equal let alone a partner in a romantic sense? who would ever love a car and all the limitations That comes with? it's a problem for a hypothetical hopeful Some Day, in the meantime stuck between two worlds where he doesn't perfectly belong to either, where no car Can love him and no human seemingly Would love him...
and michael loves him anyway. before either of them really realize or talk about it, in spite of everything, in any form, regardless of the fact it wouldn't be a typical relationship by absolutely any means, michael loves him anyway. kitt is as much a person to him as bonnie or devon or RC, and that person is someone he loves and cares for deeply. the feeling is mutual, kitt's world revolves around michael, he's one of the most important people in kitt's life, and he'd do anything to protect him.
and it is michael that will finally teach him to love, and what it means to feel loved in turn, to be loved as the person he undoubtedly is.
#liz blogs#kr#knight rider#michael knight#kitt#robots#gay#this isnt writing. its rambling. its very insane rambling.#WHAT is the ship tag. i dont even know. fuck it we ball#michael x kitt#sure#knight rider spoilers#i saw someone make up a really good one but i cant remember what it was-- oh my god was it MK2000. was it. was that iT-#mk2000#retroactively gonna go tag all the fruity posts with that i dont care#do not even get me started on michael learning to love for the first time in This lifetime. ... literally dont get me started i havent seen#the last stevie episode yet. thats next weeks crying fit. but i feel like that's a piece i need#but stevie was michael Long's girl. part of His life. michael Knight can't go back to that. and maybe he Shouldn't#listen. its about michael teaching kitt to love. and kitt Letting him learn to love Again. something real besides his weekend flings#i need a lobotomyyyyyyy i need an ice pick to the brain i need to stop being completely fucking insane about robots#IF BEING INSANE ABOUT FICTIONAL ROBOTS WAS A JOB I WOULD BE A MILLIONAIRE#anyway michael is bisexual and a dashboard smoocher thanks for coming to my ted talk#homosexuality is rampant in the military jerry. thats a bisexual if ever i saw one. have you seen the way he dresses. he calls his car baby#if you dont watch knight rider and you read this i'm sorry i must look deranged#this ship is queer flavored even besides the fact its two guys. there's like four levels of queer flavoring in this bitch
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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shi.n's amnesia later route is such an out of character experience bc wdym someone this cute shows me all the love they have for me and i dont healthily communicate with him that im feeling overwhelmed by it.
#❛ 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 ⧽ — ooc.#GONNA BE HONEST. EVERY OTO.ME PLAYTHROUGH I DO IS OOC FOR ME - i refuse to change the name of the mc unless they make me and even then i#didnt give the heroine my name im sorry heroine ... mainly bc im also playing from a rpers perspective FHDJKADHSJK#but this route is a sharp edged sword. i dont know if i can ever finish it ( i mean i can bc things get resolved and they DO communicate! )#and it goes onto one of the most respected endings ive seen for a chara: having the good ending as him moving away to another place but you#guys staying together long distance bc thats rep! we need!#its just the fact that even min.e and saw.a explain that what is happening isnt fair on him and the convo ends with avoidance ...#that is NOT my heroine sweetie what did they do to you#much love for heroine and everything she stands for but this CANNOT! be me sorry#shin would literally be like perf for the waiter position but he hates everyone but his two childhood friends im sorry you're never catchin#him acting like this unless you're them#hes just young and very forward. very blunt too if he wants a kiss he will inform and then take ... hes tryinggggg ....#anyway good morn i was looking at these at 3am for icons and then promptly fell asleep#time to write one last draft and then queue all i have - ill have 5 drafts left over in total :')#between my two blogs which is! amazing! but i will be focusing on inboxes after ive edited them all#omw to do the amnesi.a call this week. and plotting messages#we're going far kiddssss
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once again people getting mad when the tragedy show has tragedy in it
#arcane#arcane spoilers#'it couldv been a happy ending if xyz happened' yea thats what happens in tragedies#idk man season 1 being tragedy after tragedy that just almost gets averted but still happens anyway#n people loving it#but then season 2 has over all less tragedies but i guess since they happen in the last season people get pissed?#and by less tragedies i mean they didnt feel as compounding as they wer in season 1#not that they wernt nothing in comparison#i guess people just expected to see a perfect happy ending but i never really saw that happening#Something bad was going to happen. in fact i personally expected Many bad things to happen#cause like. i watched season 1#but whatever. if u didnt like it im sorry.#i thought it was pretty good. have a strong desire to rewatch the whole season in full#but its too late for that today loll
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You ever think about how Noctis FFXV was doomed from the start.
Like thats the POINT of the game obviously but I still keep going back to it. In most games, even if the protagonist dies at the end, its a defiance of fate. It's "I'll take you with me" or "I won't let you do this"
But in FFXV
Everything that happened with Noctis and Ardyn, both of their deaths, how they suffered, was preordained by the gods.
There are AU-type endings, like the one in Episode Ignis, or the one in the book, where things go better. And the book was the written version of what they were GOING to make the true ending. But they never made that into the game.
Noctis was born to die. He dies.
Ardyn was abandoned to die. He dies.
And that's just. It. Thats the ending. Thats where we land. Ardyn was doomed by god to take the role of sacrifice and antichrist, and Noctis was doomed before he was even born to the role of sacrifice and saviour and there's nothing to be done.
You don't fix it. You don't fight it. You just walk into your fate and die.
And there's just something so much more upsetting about that than in narratives where death is the defiance of fate. Like the story stares at you in the face, and tells you giving up is the right thing to do.
#not doctor who#rose rambles#sorry guys I remembered. my little guys.#have to ramble a bit.#you could very much fight me on whether the ending is akin to giving up#but you can't fight the fact that its a matter of duty and grim acceptance#its not happy. it doesn't even personally feel bittersweet#Ardyn dies and thats the best fate that the gods will let him have#Noctis dies and he would have died no matter what he did or who he fought#(they kill bahamut in the book to fix it but Ardyn still dies and they sort of abandon the chocobros for the love interest so I'm eh on it)#(and also again. Never made it into the game. You can hardly call it the true ending.)#All of the alternate endings Noctis lives but the only one you can play to the end#the only one without that dreamlike veneer#is the one where he dies. alone.#and the game isn't even GOOD it just hurts me forever#Ignis. Gives up his sight for Noctis. And still has to watch him go. Anyways.#ffxv
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sobbing at every heart event ...
#stardew valley#sdv shane#farmer koi#as someone who grew up thinking i would be fine with death at 18#as someone who struggled so hard with connecting with others because everything felt suffocating#being able to tell shane that im happy hes here is like telling myself that and hoo boy im crying#the things id love to hear and the things said to me being options in the six heart event#really impacted me#as someone who related to no after plan in the four heart event because i still dont even have a real plan in life#just wow the flashbacks to being unhappy in school the thoughts of being condemned in sunday school#and the fact you can tell him its a sin as a reason to not roll off a cliff is just enough to remind me of how much that hurts#as if im so bad you have to try guilting me into living... gosh#shanes heart events are therapy for me to actually tell someone i relate to YOURE STILL HERE AND THATS GOOD#like does concernedape know how therapeutic its been to tell shane the things i wanna hear#anyway sorry for the possibly depressing tags that is why i kept them in the tags#watch me go back and just delete all the tags but yeah this has been emotional to see from a diff perspective#im so used to being shane that its wild to see what it might look like and its kinda crushing me
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I’m trying not to be a hater but that tiktok and comment section pissed me off so bad.
#the way the fics end in Bruce saying sorry and everyone coddling tim and tims like ‘well I was just a placeholder 🥺’#the fun part about tim is that he made grown ass decisions at a little ass age that literally everyone told him would turn out bad#and then it turned out bad and he knows he dug his own grave so he just has to pretty it up as best as he can#and if he could go back in time he would do that shit again BECAUSE HE LIKES IT! BECAUSE ITS EXCITING! BECAUSE HE WANTED TO BE ROBIN#that Robin is a job shit is a lie he told himself that literally nobody around but YALL the stupid ass audience believed#that’s like the crux of him I think#lying to himself to get the job done because he can’t let his emotions get in the way but unfortunately that’s not how it works#and when he realizes that he gets pissed at everyone else for not letting it work and himself for not making it work#he somehow thinks that he can remove this attitude as tim Drake when Robin is the crutch tim Drake leans on in adulthood#which is an issue because now everyone around him is moving and he’s still stuck at 14 knocking on dicks door and hoping that he’ll have to#make use of the suit he brought with him. not because he’s excited or anything but just in case#his friends and family died and came back Gotham gets destroyed every other day and rebuilt every other week everything keeps changing but#nothing is and he’s stuck in that cycle and maybe it’s his fault for not letting things rest but he refuses to accept that because he’s GOOD#as Robin he does excellent work and always has and nothing will change that not even a new Robin. his friends are all making names for#themselves and he’s still stuck under Bruce’s cape fighting a teenager to be robin.#THATS whats fun about tim#the writing is stuck rn I’ll give u that but the next move should be an acknowledgment of that#tim doesn’t wanna peak in high school so he has to move on but he doesn’t know how and matter of fact doesn’t know why! nothings been this#permanent before (<-LYING!)#but no whatever everyone hates him realizes they’re wrong and he leaves Gotham bc he deserves better but comes back bc he’s so nice. ok.
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the only half way safe space to be a lesbian is online and literally y’all fucking suck too, i am so depressed
#castdowns.txt#i hate conversion therapy i don’t want to be straight i don’t want to like men i don’t like them i don’t care for them#i am so tired of feeling like the most hideous creature because everything changes when people find out that i’m gay#like i’m either a little boy or a problem and i am so fucking sad#like sorry you can’t fix me but literally i will not be able to function if i concede more ground to men and patriarchy like i am so tired#i wanna lock myself in my room a lot of the time like i don’t feel good ever#and yes my period is coming but god dammit thats not the only thing wrong#its never the only thing wrong unfortunately i just have very strong emotions that i try to suppress all of the time#yes my fawn response is bad i know this i dont know what to do about the fact that there is nothing people organically like about me#everyone has to train themselves to tolerate me and i am not above working to be loved but it doesnt feel like work towards the love i want#it feels like tying a noose tighter and tighter#it feels like smiling while my blood is pooling down the fucking drain again and again#and i love people around me i do it just always feels like i am alone#i sleep under the flag and i sleep in my bed alone every night surrounded by the stuffed animals i buy to feel something#*jo march voice* i’m just so damn lonely
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like i wouldnt mind like. Not having new linear games post 5 its judt that sims 4 wasnt even supposed to Be The Sims 4 it was a last minute pivot and the base code is so outdated and was broken On launch so like. i just wish we could have the final actual sims game be like. one that was always intented to be a major sims release AND be intended to be so long term . yk
#i dont even want like. Ooh major graphical updates whatever if sims 5 was announced and they looked photorealizstic id hurl i wouldnt play#it#my ideal would ig be sims 4 with a touch more realism style wise. if this makes sense#like its a bittt too cartoony for me but i like the like. Clay hair or whatever SJFNFJ. and i think having it be simple in basegame means#you can customize it easier + itd run better on more pcs#so im fine eith that. i would nottt want it more cartoony#i also like. I understand the sims is like. an all ages game i do sometimes wish that the animations in 4 were a bit toned down#like i dont mind silly goofy wacky stuff i think its fun and like. The sims has always been a bit sillay yk. but the overexaggerated#animations r sometimes like -_-.... to me. but thats personal preference#IDK. the tags that show up when i type idk r so funny. do i ever know anything. sources say no#BUT ya i just rly wish like. if this is what they wanna do i wish theyd give us One more full game give it lots of time and love and rly rly#focus on having it excel at like. being this partnof the sims#since they wanna have like. Other sims games that have online features and multiplayer and everything. they could use that to make sure that#ts5 was Rly solid as a foundation and as like. ykwim..... they could plan updates for the future And dlc or whatever and i just think itd be#a better move than trying to make sims 4 happen#bc i judt dont think With all the updates in the world. sims 4 wont ever be like. what it couldve been. yk. i just dont think you can make#it work without Fullllyyyy just starting over.#and at this point with like..so many modders and stuff and everything and how much dlc there is thatd be impossible Esp if they keep#releasing new stuff which. They will ^_^#idk. im excited for some other lifesim games im keeping my eye out#but i rly do love the sims and i just wish that it could be as good as it could be. It has such a huge budget and team and like. if ea would#stop just trying to make as much money as possible off it i feel like they could make Such an amazing game. not to put down indie gamedevs#at all the games jve been looking at look Incredible like.. yk. but the fact those games are so good eith FAR smaller teams and budgets is#like. imagine what we could have if the sims had that amt of care and time put into it.#but whatever whatever whatever. sorry im just rambling#again ik what i would want from my platonic ideal of a sims game isnt what everyone would eant#but idk. i feel like another good step might be like. making the other sims games more available and updating them so they run better on#modern pcs. but i dont think thatll ever happen DNDNFJFNFN.
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