#sorry that was a side tangent i went on. actually i'm not sorry cause that's still an important thing to say

[steakout-05]

as an Australian you American blokes have got to stop talking about huntsman spiders like that. don't diss my weird little lanky wallclimber friends, they're not horrible awful freaks of nature who chase you and bite you on contact. they're actually very docile and timid and they're very reluctant to bite. like, all they really want to do is hang out on your walls or your ceiling and eat bugs all day. huntsman spiders are way more likely to run away from you and go hide away in your pantry than they are to go out of their way to bite you. biting you would probably put them in even more danger than if they just ran away, and if you are messing with a huntsman spider enough for it to bite you, you were likely being an asshole to it. they do not want to bite people! they don't chase you either, not on purpose anyway. the reason it might seem like one is running towards you is because huntsman spiders have pretty bad eyesight and literally cannot see you properly. it can absolutely be frightening and jarring, yes, i would understand as i have arachnophobia and have expereniced the fear of a huntsman unintentionally jumping or sprinting towards me, but they do not want to chase you or scare you. they are trying to run away. they are in the same boat as you, they're scared out of their wits and are trying to avoid danger. huntsman spiders are not these horrible dangerous freaks, they're just little (and sometimes not so little) guys. they can be scary, but all the miconceptions about them are not warranted or deserved in the slightest! and anyway, they're not even "only in Australia". we are home to many huntsman spiders, but they are also present in Asia, Africa and some places in America. they're not even exclusive to this country so i don't get why "only in Australia" gets hurled at them a lot.

actually, the whole attitude Americans have of Australia having weird and dangerous wildlife and the same old "only in Australia!!1!! kill it with fire lol!!!!1!" reddit drivel is pretty shitty overall tbh. every continent on the damn planet has weird and dangerous wildlife, why are we acting like it's JUST Australia you should stay away from???? America has some fuckin strange animals living there, you don't see as many people making a big stupid spectacle out of that. Australia's wildlife is unique and beautiful and wonderful, no Australian wildlife slander in my notes.

[ink-going-insane]

random mystreet and diaries ramble time! specifically about travis!

travis is a really really important character to me. i probably oc-ified him in my mind on accident but iiit's fine probably. but either way he's really special to me with how his character is.

i'll probably end up rambling more about mystreet than diaries because i have more of a personal attachment to ms since that's what i mainly grew up with, so i'm sorry about that in advance ^^;

i'm also. putting it all under a read more because it's gonna get Long. so yea another warning in advance for that!

both in mystreet and diaries, it feels like travis tries to be a sorta comic-relief character at times to get everyone to smile and ignore their troubles. he does really stupid things to distract others from their issues because he's really big on having his friends feel better and happy. he's not the best at communicating at times, but he tries his best by just being weird and getting people to smile. his not too good communication skills do unfortunately cause him to use some of the...tricks he knows at Bad Times (one example being in diaries s2 when lucinda first sees her mother iirc) but he always means well and genuinely just wants everyone to be happy. even in the end of season 6 of mystreet, after everything that happened, the moment he was free and woke up and saw katelyn, he flirts with her in an effort to cheer her up even though they both just went through Hell.

travis is a really selfless character to me. in diaries, with the added s3 enki island lore, travis was essentially fighting a battle that No One There acknowledged. they all thought Travis was the cursed person causing the imps and all that jazz to show and he just. lived with it. he kept saying it was fine when his friends tried to defend him. and then there was the incident in the phoenix alliance island where people were scared of him and iirc he acted like it was fine but it really isn't but aaaaaa. and i'm so so so so happy with his choice after they got enki's relic. his choice to essentially discover himself and live freely without chaining himself down to another burden is something i will forever adore because he deserves it!! and i was so happy he saw that opportunity of freedom, to maybe feel the joy he's been wanting to feel for a long time. i don't know if any of this makes sense i really hope it does.

in mystreet travis's life is more...calm? i guess? there's the child experimentation that happened and then the whole thing of thinking his dad had two different personalities randomly with one of them being Horrible, which actually on second thought my irene does this poor guy still suffer. though we never actually really see any of it and only hear about his father's (well, michael's) negative actions (not including the child experimentation) Twice. once from lucinda talking to kim in s5 and a second time from travis talking to himself in the last episode of s6. he doesn't really talk about himself and instead opts for just vibing in the moment, and doesn’t mind listening to other's troubles.

it's obvious during pdh that he's pretty socially awkward, especially with having dante for a friend. and i think he was his only friend until starting high school where travis met aphmau and the others. like not to be rude but have you Seen dante. guy is a horrible influence. anyway so yea travis wasn't the best at communication, but this is also when he first manages to make someone Smile. he says some really bad pick-up lines to katelyn in s1 in an attempt to cheer her up after her break-up and it gets her to Smile and it distracted her from her troubles and that's when he realized that he can make others Happy with his shenanigans. and so he kept at it, because he wants people and those he cares about to Smile.

oh and quick (not quick i lied) side tangent about the Not Alone Buddies and also travis's role in the story of pdh. aphmau and travis's friendship is so so so special to me. partly because it reminds me of my own friendships vibe-wise, but also because of their special connection. i'm a bit upset that it wasn't expanded upon more during the main mystreet story but it does make a bit of sense since friendships can occasionally drift apart a little bit as you get older so the two of them aren't as close as they used to be. but i still wish they showed more of the closeness that Should Have Been There!! especially in pdh where he was set up to be sorta important! instead of opting for "here's a bunch of scenes with love interests for aphmau that you know aren't going to end up with her and almost nothing else other than strict plot mostly surrounding aphmau and her love interests" they should've had more scenes of her with her friends!!! and travis!!!! and also vylad!!!!!! because they became a trio after he transferred and that literally Never got expanded upon! i don't even think there's another scene of travis with vylad after their first meeting, i genuinely don't remember there being another one At All. maybe one or two? or just none at all and either way that's Bad. and vylad also barely has any proper scenes with aphmau also it hurts. this is a travis post but by extension it's also a Not Alone Buddies post because i love them forever and vylad should've gotten more screentime >:( along with a lot of the other characters they deserved so much more! and it really bothers me that they set up travis to be sorta important at the start of pdh, only to quickly demote him to side character and comedy duo with dante. it really hurts.

in main story mystreet he gets a bit more attention but it's mostly for a comic relief kinda thing at the start. the fact most of his character in s1 got retconned is really funny to me. anyway he gets character development in season 2!! he stood up for himself because katelyn was being Not Nice and i'm so proud of him for it!!! this is also when him being a creep mostly stops iirc so that's nice, but i tend to pretend the creepy scenes Don't Exist in the first place. anyway after that there isn't really much development for him iirc until season 5, though of course there's that nice fun scene in aphmau's year where michael says hello, but he shows up a lot more in season 5 and of course season 6. in s5 it's like "huh i have a weird voice in my head and i suddenly occasionally can't control my actions but surely it must've been me. oh well as long as it makes katelyn happy :)" and like. it's so precious he just wants her to be happy and it hurts knowing michael's intentions and stuff because in both s5 and the start of s6 he just wanted katelyn to smile and be happy and safe so he was okay with letting the weird voice do its thing as long as it helped. it uh. stopped helping after The Incident. but even when he was trapped in his own mind and forced to watch he wanted so badly for it all to stop because he didn't want his friends to suffer. he didn't care what happened to him as long as his friends would be okay, which is why his monologue in the last episode horrifies me. i read a theory that he's going to sacrifice himself to stop the rumored meteor in s7 and something'll cause everyone to forget him and i really really really hope that doesn't happen i hope s7 gives him an actual calming break in the end please.

i'll be honest i...don't know where i was actually going with this post. it just kinda happened. i was alone with my thoughts (bad) and i saw a post with travis on it and just went "travis :)" in my mind and the next thing i knew this wall of text got vomited onto my phone screen. thinking of travis will now be my comfort i guess?? i just think he's neat <3

[milksuu]

ur aphelios fic w solari priestess reader was soooo good, i can't stop going back to reread it bc i'm eager for pt 2 if you do end up writing one 😭😭 but there's so much potential for this man bc hello ?? enemies to lovers(?uh) ?? i really like the idea that they're on opposite sides bc as a lover of solari n lunari lore, it feels much more taboo. especially considering how scornful the solari people are of the lunari people which is clear in how the reader treats him 😕 a bit unjustified but it's nice that we aren't exactly a blank sheet of paper in this bc ofc we'd still have to abide by our morals and views 🩵🩵 i also wonder what alune thinks of this if she ever found out, would she even in the first place LMAO "i fear your brother nonconned me 😓😨🧟‍♂️" HDHDHDHS whenever there's an aphelios fic alune always pops into my mind afterwards since she's so dear to me, would the reader ever interact w her through aphelios? bisexuals really winning w this champ 😔

LKJSDVGBFLJHSDFVLSH!! omfg thank you for thinking so much about it. im cryiinnngggg!!! and yeah, im totally writing a part two. I'm at 1.8k words right now. sorry I bounce around a lot so i take a while to write lol.

BUT UGH YES. i definitely wanted to do an enemies/lovers kind of feel. (although i think in phels perspective reader's more 'lover' by his terms because well he's pretty unhinged in his perspective. what can we expect from a guy born and raised as a religious assassin who only ever interacts to his sister?? yeah his 'social' skills aren't going to be the best lmfao)

and like you stated anon, them being lunari/solari just adds the extra layers of drama, depth, and juicy plot potential. all in all, quite a banger.

as far as alune goess, I'd say she 100% knew. only because, alune is a Seer that shows aphelios' path, and directs him on missions. basically the moon told alune "yeah this is going to happen" then alune was like "heyyy soo....you're going to have to do this bro" and then ofc phel was somewhat conflicted the whole time but hey FAITH is never questioning and doing what you're told cause it's supposedly 'right'. and he definitely wants the believe it was all for a 'good' reason. Like him and reader are destined lovers since otherwise, why would the moon have him do that instead of just kill her? kinda like getting a gift for always being obedient to his faith (the copium is strong with this one). but yeah, phel made sure the toxin wore off so that his poor sister didn't have to endure that. (but assassinating people is totally fine obvs!)

alune and reader would have some sort of relationship a bit later. reader is technically a priestess, even though a solari one, she'd still be able to have some way to connect to the spirit realm. or reader can feel the ethereal vibrations emanating from him, but not fully understand/hone in alune's presence. but i think slowly over time, readers growing connection with aphelios will have her gradually connected with alune at some point.

and I want to say the moon goddess has a plan as to why that had to be done to reader. not sure how far i'll actually get to reveal it or develop it, since honestly, i had no intention of continuing let alone build any lore (THIS WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE SMUT DAMNIT HAHA) but we'll see.

whew, kinda went on a tangent, but i hope i've given you some good context anon! again, thank you for rereading my fixations and wanting more. as you can see, you've set off my dopamine receptors with this post lmfao. <3

stay tuned for part 2. ;3

[rigginsstreet]

This is the same anon. I just figured I'd explain why Jason went crazy on the Sinclairs since you said you weren't sure. Yeah, they were looking Eddie and they were pretty sure he'd be there, and Erica was clearly on some kind of look out so Jason had Andy keep her from possibly warning Eddie about their arrival while Jason went in to check the house out. Andy threatened to break her arms if she kept squirming. That was fucked up and I hate that the writers included that line tbh. A lot of people have been attributing that action to Jason, saying that he instructed Andy to tackle her, but we don't actually see that scene. I do think that Andy is racist, but we don't necessarily know that Jason is but people will treat it like it's fact. (I'm not at all saying that he'd not, I'm not even saying that he's "probably not" in fact he was probably supposed to be in the writing, but it can really be hard to realize the prejudices of your friends if you don't actively talk about it and a lot of people just didn't in the 80s. I once met someone online who I got along with great, but the second they found out I was afab they got super condescending so you wouldn't know unless you were a member of the group. sorry for the side tangent.) He probably was meant to be racist, but for all we know he just asked Andy to distract her and he's the one who went and tackled and threatened her.

The reason he points a gun at Lucas is because he walked in on him with Max in her trance state and he was trying to get Lucas to snap her out of it, but he refused. And tbh, he gave him a lot of grace with it. He tried to wake Max up on his own, gently, but then Lucas got close and tried to physically stop him and he freaked out. He pulled the gun but didn't even shoot until Lucas later lunged at him. Until then he uses the gun to threaten Lucas just to wake Max up. He really is just trying to help in that situation, as well as he can. I really don't blame people for viewing him as racist though. The imagery of an older white boy pointing a gun at a younger black boy could absolutely be very triggering, and other assumptions can easily be made about how the Erica situation went down, and those assumptions could very well be true. I have no way of knowing.

I don't consider myself a Jason defender, but I do get defensive of him when people try to compare him to Billy, but don't even acknowledge the fact that while Billy may have motivations, he still caused a lot of unnecessary harm. It bothers me so hard that they just ignore the fact he attacked Lucas instead of doing, I don't know, literally anything else. I don't really blame him for pushing Steve down at the entrance, but he slammed a little boy into a wall for... existing around his sister? When his sister was the one who made the decision to be there? Like, yeah, the fact she was there could be read as a little sketchy, but he really thinks Lucas is the biggest issue in that situation and targets him? That sounds pretty racist to me. So if people going to talk about the Jason with a gun scene, could they at least explain why he felt the need to target the one black boy in the group instead of the one present adult (or almost adult at least) Steve.

Can't we just view both of them as morally grey characters with interesting perspectives instead of pinning them against each other?

This got a little long. Sorry

The Lucas situation, to me, ultimately has nothing to do with him being black. I mean, maybe it started out that way when billy sees him and max in the parking lot, that’s definitely a valid interpretation, but like…billy would’ve treated any boy max got close to like that. At its core I think it’s about max and who she hangs around with. If her love interest had been mike or will the situation would’ve gone down exactly the same. It’s about max defying his orders. It’s about billy having to keep max on a short leash

The duffers are terrible at writing racism cuz they either go too big (originally writing billy saying the n word) or they make it so vague/a non issue (sweeping the season 2 mike and Lucas ghostbusters thing under the rug) that no one can tell what the hell is going on

I think what sparks outrage about Jason, at least from what I’ve seen, is that he so perfectly mirrors the exact type of dudes we’ve been seeing on the news these past few years. It’s the “upstanding middle/upper middle class christian” white dudes who are marching and protesting about making America great again. The ones who are out shooting people because they think they’re fucking John Wayne or something, main character savior complexes. Jason touches on something very present in our culture right now and I don’t even think the duffers intended for that to be the case. So like, I can’t exactly argue with people not giving him a lot of leeway because we are seeing in real time what harm those specific type of men do. And yes, there are plenty of billys out in the real world too but again, his writing is so vague and there’s so many other valid interpretations you can take from it that it’s not as touchy (well, for those of us who actually criticize the writing itself and canon precedent. Antis with a myopic view of things don’t care to take in all the nuance of billys situation and motives so to them he’s …worse than Jason. Or at least on the same level. Depends on who you ask)

[vote-gaara]

You're Gaara Obsession Blog?? 👀

Yes, I sure am!

Some may also know me as zingtingtingyy, which was my primary blog that linked the two accounts

Side tangent: I stripped my main blog because I had it since the dawn of time, but that caused some troubles. Seriously, I was starting to suspect that the tumblr gods were thinking I was a bot?? Because I kept on getting kicked out of my account, and then when I went to go log in, it was like "babes, that password? WRONG!". And I was like "hmmm, I don't think so! Send me that email so that I can LOG BACK IN." Then I would be in again and I'd reset my password only for it to happen again on repeat for like a year lol......

Anyways, I'm really sorry about nuking my account without telling anyone.

Um...Even with tumblr killing all my passwords, I actually really don't have any good reason as to why I did it. I've just always been really really shaky with keeping social media accounts, and I've even deleted "Gaara-Obsession-Blog" once before, and stepped away from it multiple times.

I am as unreliable as they come and I'm really sorry for that. Although, I did recently get an invitation to AO3 - literally a few days ago - and it made me miss writing analysis and those Choose Your Own Adventure smut stories I used to publish. I even claimed "Gaara-Obsession-Blog" as a pseud just in case I get inspired....

Anyways, I have only resurfaced on Tumblr to promote Gaara in the Narutop99 poll (By the way, VOTE GAARA).

:)

[aikoiya]

Hello there with an short optional question which you don't have to answer if you do not know about it

Did you know about Earthbound ( an RPG that inspired many other RPGs including Undertale ( that is after Toby Fox made a ROM hack of a Halloween Earthbound) ) and if you liked it, what is the part that you liked about EarthBound.

Actually, I do know about EarthBound! Very good game!

Though, I'm not entirely sure which part is my favorite. But, I know I liked a particular element of it: I liked that you got homesick & that calling home helped with it.

That was great & I actually think that more games where the protag is a kid who has to leave home for a long period of time for one reason or another, should have this sort of feature rather than them just leaving & never seeming to be affected by it.

It makes sense. Like, there are some games that will basically have the protag as this blank slate in more ways than one. Whether by doing the "they" thing regardless of the sex or pronouns you chose at the start or by not allowing them to speak other than through your choices or by very much making the protag intentionally... not even really androgynous, just milk toast & with very little driving characteristic or anything beyond "this is you, we made it as impersonal as possible so that anyone can feel included." But it actually causes this huge disconnect for me. Because why would I identify with someone who's been stripped of all personhood?

Like, you want players to connect with the protag, then give them things to connect with!!

Things like getting homesick because they miss their family!!

I liked Undertale, for the most part. But one of the things I didn't like was how Frisk was handled. Heck, how the humans, in-general, were handled!

Have you ever noticed that there are only 2 humans & both of them are referred to as they. That both are basically the same model with different coloration. That you never get the human's side of the story. How no one asks Frisk their name until the literal end of the True Pacifist ending? How none of the other humans are ever really mentioned beyond the fact that we know they existed based on their accessories & their souls?

It very much felt like everything was geared towards making Frisk & Chara & every human feel... Less like people & more like plot points or narrative devices.

But, sorry. Went off on a tangent there!

But, yeah! I like EarthBound!

[sooptea]

Extra bonus (not so) mini tangent: money edition

I also hate the concept of "you should only be spending money on bare essentials of what you need don't spent $50 on stuff that isn't necessary". Because it's like, do you not understand that buying the absolute bare minimum will leave you empty in a very specific way. It becomes depressing, you do not feel fulfilled when you live your life like that.

Money doesn't buy you happiness is a phrase used that once you hit a certain threshold of expendable money, material goods are not going to help you feel content. It doesn't mean you're not supposed to buy fun things. If you fill your home with things that make you happy, you will be happier than if you had nothing. Buying a mug that brings you joy every time you see it in your cabinet is better than buying a $2 white mug that gets the job done. Filling your wall with fanart or other visuals that make you happy will make you feel better than leaving it empty.

Not having the money to buy what you want causes people to get depressed. Living paycheck to paycheck only getting what you absolutely need drives you into a type of despair that I really hope most of you don't have to experience, and I'm sorry if you HAVE had to deal with that or if that's what you're experiencing now.

This also doesn't just apply to material goods. People should have money to do things outside of their home. You SHOULD be able to get out of the house and go to a museum or a concert or a movie or just ANYTHING that doesn't include you being home 24/7. People shouldn't have to think "I'd love to go hang out at my friend's place but I don't know if I can afford the gas money" people shouldn't be thinking "oh I'd love to go to this free event but I couldn't afford to eat out if I went there" it shouldn't be "I'd love to learn something new but I can't afford the class".

I know I make more money than I used to because I no longer have to limit myself to a budget of 1 dollar a day or less for my meal breaks and if I spent more I had to make it stretch multiple days. I used to buy a bag of pepperoni rolls for 5 bucks and I'd make it stretch for at least three days and I hate how expensive it was even if it was more filling. I gave myself SO much shit when I had to stop buying 60 cent microwave noodles because the sodium was giving me KIDNEY PAIN from eating them near daily. I can buy better groceries now but I still live paycheck to paycheck and I have to be extremely mindful of what I'm buying when. I had a lot of things going on at this point in my life's, but only having enough money for food made it 100 times harder to be motivated into waking up tomorrow.

I can buy fun things now, and I can occasionally go do fun things, but there are people who can't do that. And I don't know about you guys, but I still don't make enough money to actually have meaningful savings. Because every time I have a little extra money something new falls apart. Shoes have holes, clothes are torn, furniture broke, always something. And if I went 30 days without a job I'd be in a extremely bad situation. I am closer to going back to that situation than I am being middle class.

Raising minimum wage isn't enough and it won't be enough, unless we hold the market better accountable and have more public resources available, there will always be people barely surviving in this world. And barely surviving means they are not thriving. When people talk the bare minimum needed to survive they do not take in consideration what a person needs to thrive. They don't care about the humane side, the part that feels joy and sadness, they only care about what keeps you alive from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep.

People who say you shouldn't be spending money on things that make you happy don't understand just how much depression can destroy you. Happiness IS necessary, it's a bare minimum for quality of life. And yeah happiness looks different for everyone, but telling people to stop buying fun stuff so they can afford necessities in life isn't fixing the god dam problem.

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

Sort of...?

God this is so complicated which is why writing Part One is so hard. Like how do I explain all of this. Why must I overcomplicate things. How much of this do I reveal in Part One?? This is a five book long series!!! I have so long to develop the themes and complex plot but like...how to divide it up? I feel like there's so much exposition in Part One, but also I'm not sure what needs explaining Now. Tweaking things to try and get the exact effect I want to have....damn it's hard. I'm constantly making minor little changes in an attempt to do this. Am I doing a good job? Well, I know I'm getting better, which is good. I also know that I need to get even better.

My response was very long, so TLDR: Alii kids from our side coming through the portal is unavoidable, it just happens. Jedi and Carmen are shady and trying to uphold a legacy, so yes they did manipulate some variables to get the kids here.

Okay, strap in. I explained it the best I can. Also may have accidentally inserted some anxieties and concerns cause it's 1am and I'm sinking into despair. Sorry, I ended up going on a tangent. I did mark the rambling though.

What happens is that Alii from our side (called Ceteri) around becoming a teenager makes their cells essentially go "wait... I'm in the wrong dimension..." and will just kinda stumble across a portal. Unavoidable. Ash was having a birthday party so uh oh very large group of people went.

Jedi and Carmen are doing their bullshit of attempting to continue on the legacy of someone they should not be trying to continue the legacy of, Atsila. A couple things cause this is complicated:

With the prejudice of the non-powered Inutilia, two groups emerged. One that was like "fuck the oppressors! Let's uproot the government and replace it with our own so the oppressors can get a taste of their own medicine!" (The Refugae, led by Raissa Kamanzi, an actual Inutilia, problematic, another can of worms to unpack that I'm not gonna do) and "hey maybe we can solve this matter peacefully" (the Aequales, led by Atsila McLain, not Inutilia, problematic, hypocrite)

Jedi and Carmen are both Inutilia, but they didn't agree with Raissa's methods. They, specifically Carmen, were close to Atsila - too close to see her problems, especially Carmen. They interpreted her as doing the best she could to help them.

But part of what Atsila wanted was training Alii around age 10-13+ in order to have them be able to fight in a dangerous world with full control of their powers. She also was scientifically minded and wanted a long-running study of power development.

Atsila is dead now.

So BASICALLY because young middle school aged Alii are coming through the portal in swarms and no one can truly stop it, Jedi and Carmen decide to uphold point #3 and train some kids to use their powers and also do long-term studies. However if you approached a middle schooler with this they'd obviously not come with you, so some, uh, problematic measures develop.

Don't worry! It's done with parental consent! I like joking about this, but it's half true. Basically Alii on Ceteri kinda keep tabs on the Alii in this dimension and those connected to Carmen and Jedi are like "hey btw just so you know, your child will pass through the portal sometime this year haha... they can't control it so we're just gonna take a few blood samples, we're so curious about the affects of growing up on Ceteri, and we'll also invite them to this self defense and power training weekend club! Is it ok if we do this?"

Is this shady? Yes. Yes it is, glad you asked.

Admittedly making tweaks to this as I go because I wrote the situation then had to explain the situation because I was 14 when I wrote this part.

But most of the parents of the core cast actually knew Atsila, Carmen, and Jedi personally so they're like "ok they can be trusted" which is...half true. Yeah they won't do anything worse than this, but they also y'know did that. And from the kids' perspective it's like "wait we were kidnapped" until they get everything explained and even then it's a lot to take in. But this is why the main team isn't as big as it could be - only those with pre-existing relatively positive connections stayed. Part of it was just like "hey I'd like to learn some superpowers hehe" and also general curiosity of their origins.

Part of the themes that are developed as the series goes on all kinda comes back to this. Watching what people do vs what they say, blindly following parents, parental projection of trauma, fatal flaws in loved ones, corruption of childhood innocence, indoctrination, etc.. More, somehow, but that's the relevant stuff. Part of the reason I have many POVs is so I can truly tackle a variety of perspectives.

Okay rambling starts here.

Problem is my story is five books long. It's pretty continuous too? But no one is gonna pick up a novel that long, so I must split into parts. That is why I call them Part One not Book One. How to develop the themes at a pace that seems reasonable? Cause like everything makes sense and clicks into place eventually. But I don't want book one to be 120k words of me explaining shit. How can I signal to the readers "don't worry I'm getting there!!"

So have I written myself into a corner? Eh I think not, but it's certainly a difficult position to be in. The story I ended up writing was far more complex than I wanted it to be initially. It just kinda exploded, as I kept asking myself the question of "why? Why would they do this?" And that answer would expand the story even more. There are still questions I'm answering. And at its core, TSP is an exploration of these themes on different characters in a variety of situations.

It also doesn't help that TSP has existed for so long. I was TEN when the first draft happened. So I don't know what made this general concept stick, but I've redone it and backtracked and backpedaled and gone in circles. It's kinda hard to find what needs to stay and what may need to go.

I've gotten so far into this project and every so often I sink into a pit of "am I doing this right?" I love TSP, I love the characters, I love using them as vessels to let out any internal issues I have, I really like the themes. But I do wonder, the full series may have the bigger picture, but how do I balance the individual installments? Is the pacing okay?? Is what I want to come across actually coming across??? Is it too complicated???? Should I switch to third person entirely despite working so hard for distinct voices?????

Which is why I'm desperate for betas just to give me something. And I appreciate so much of the feedback I've been given.

I try to keep this blog positive because I genuinely love writing and I love my WIPs. So this is a bit out of the ordinary for me but I guess I needed a vent for this topic.

Genuinely believe "write the story you want to tell" but the problem is how do I tell it?

Ugh I need to go to bed

Sorry I took this post off the rails MK I enjoy your comments idk what happened

Find the word

Thanks @aziz-reads for the tag!

Rules: find the words given in your WIPs, then tag people with more words!

My words: frame, vain, stake, fix

Your words: refuse, beam, own, product

Softly tagging with no pressure @mk-writes-stuff @sleepywriter00 @nailamoonsi @somethingclevermahogony @eccaiia @bread-roses-and-chrome @gottestod-writes + anyone else

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

Keep reading for:

Rose's home life (CW: neglectful parent)

Akash is happy Gwen pissed Carmen off

Robbie and Lexi meet

Debate about screen brightness

Frame - The Secret Portal Part One (Rose POV)

I let out a high-pitched grunt of annoyance before stomping off to my room. A part of me knew she was right. I should’ve brought my keys as a backup plan. She wasn't reliable anyway. As I opened the door to my room, I glanced back at my mother as she sat back on the couch, watching the telenovela that was playing. I turned away, slamming the door to my room behind me, hoping my mother would tell me I wasn't allowed to do that. But there was no correction. I tossed my backpack to the side harshly. It slammed into the wall and knocked a picture frame down to the floor. I bent down and picked quickly hung it back up so I wouldn’t have to look at my three-month-old self in my mom’s smiling arms as my smiling dad had his arm wrapped around her. My room was the only splash of color in this house—the only part of my house that deserved to be called home. My art supplies got their own shelf and were organized the way I want. My projects I kept in my sketchbook, which I never showed my mom. She didn’t like the way I decorated my room or any of my designs. She loved to tell me I needed to apply myself to school as much as my art. But even if I did apply myself more in school, she wouldn’t notice. I collapsed onto my bed and screamed into the pillow, then lay there for a couple of minutes, taking in the scent.

Vain Cocky (closest synonym) - from The Secret Portal Part One (Gwen POV)

I’d overheard Dr. Moon say something about “powers,” so maybe that’s what he meant. It sounded strange, but Akash was floating. Dr. Moon said that I could be showing “several” abilities, so that was weird, too. Did I have a power? Context alone indicated that. They didn’t see me…. My mind spun, so I looked back at Akash as I followed him down the next hall. At first, I thought he was being cocky and showing off his strange, supernatural ability, but that demeanor seemed only a façade—nothing more. Maybe flying was simply that fun. Or maybe I was distracted because he was cute, but I didn’t think I was that shallow. “So, Gwen,” Akash said, turning around to fly backward. “Where’re you from?” “Clear Lake City,” I said. “Texas.” Akash smiled. “Southlake. Up near Dallas. How cool is it we’re both from Texas?” I stared at him. “You’re not from here?” I didn’t exactly know where here was, but all the same, I could figure I wasn’t in Texas anymore. Akash stopped mid-flight, causing me to abruptly halt. “No. Dr. Moon and Dr. Asghar only take Alii from our side. Ceteri. That’s what they call it.” He raised his eyebrow. “Didn’t they tell you?” “No. They kidnapped us and locked us in this purple-glowing-thing. The dampener? Is that what you said?” Akash nodded. “What did they do?” Akash rolled his eyes. “Yeah, that’s how they got me and my buddy, Robbie. They’re actually okay once you get to know them. Questionable methods, but their hearts, I know how it sounds, are in the right place. Hey, what powers do you have?” “Powers?” I repeated. My thought was right. “Yeah,” said Akash. “You’re Alii, aren’t you?” “I have no idea what you’re saying,” I admitted. “What does Alii mean? One of the doctors mentioned that. Is it Latin?” Akash scrunched his eyebrows. “You don’t know? Dr. Asghar never releases anyone unless they’ve been briefed.” “Oh, I, uh, sorta escaped,” I stuttered. Akash stared at me. “You got away from them?” I nodded, and to my surprise, Akash laughed, clapping his hands together. “I knew someone would do it one day! Dr. Asghar must be pissed!”

(Mi)Stake - from The Secret Portal Part One (Lexi POV)

I grunted as a sudden force ran into me, knocking me to the ground. I yelped and scrambled out from underneath the person and clambered to my feet, trembling from the unexpected touch. “Am I that repulsive to you?” a teasing voice said. I turned to look at the person who ran into me: a teenage boy a year or so older than me. It took me a second to collect myself. “No,” I said as he stood. “It just… freaked me out.” The boy was about average height for his age and had a slim, but fit, frame. He had thick dark hair framing his face and big, dark eyes framed by wire-thin glasses. His hair was cut relatively short, but his bangs were somewhat long—parted on the right. He laughed. “Freaked me out, too.” He crossed his arms. “So… are you one of Gwen’s friends?” “You know Gwen?” I asked, standing in surprise. “What is she doing here?” “Sorta, I met her an hour… and maybe a half ago, I dunno what time it is—-passed out due to,” he gestured to the charred walls, “the explosion.” “Wait, are you Robert Stafford?” “No, actually, I’m Stobert Rafford—common mistake.” I blinked. The boy kept eye contact with a straight face. His mouth twitched. The delay stopped as I cachinnated—that was a fun word. The boy joined in. “Sorry, that was stupid.” “No, no, it wasn't,” I said as I tried to compose myself. “Yeah, it was, I’m laughing at my own joke.” “Okay, fine, it was stupid, but that’s why it was funny.” He smiled, dark eyes shining. “Finally, someone gets it!”

Fix - from The Secret Portal Part One (Akash POV)

SORARA’s voice announced the Recruits entering the door, and I instinctively fixed my cap to make sure it was on correctly. “—way too bright,” Lexi was saying as she turned the corner into the living room. “You’ll melt your retinas.” “I need to be blinded by the screen,” Gwen was saying. “If I’m not, it’s too dark.” “I’m starting to see why you needed glasses.” Gwen laughed, and her eyes landed on mine, now slightly obscured by new rectangular black glasses. I instinctively raised my hand to rub it through my hair but it ended up hitting the hat instead, pushing it slightly back. I tried to fix it again. Of course, Gwen’s new fashion statement looks cute while I look like the biggest dork on the planet. She smiled at me. I raised my hand in greeting. “Robbie!” Lexi said, snapping me back. “Let me see your phone!” “Huh? Okay.” Robbie shifted to reach into his pocket to pull out his phone. He handed it to her but she shook her head. “Just turn it on and show me the screen.” Robbie did as told, causing Lexi to laugh triumphantly. “Ha! That’s not that bright, and he wears glasses.” Gwen shrugged.

[juvederm]

chris lore i made up

i tried observing some behaviors in chris that i wanted to give a reason to. but i'm not really an expert on him, i don't think he's hard to understand, i guess i just wasn't ever invested in him the same way i am with josh so. here goes.

chris is methodical, which means he's orderly. he's organized. he knows how to reason, which makes me think his social skills are decent. he's like an anchor to someone like ashley, brings her back down to earth when she's panicking, hence why i think he's reasonable. and while i don't think his protective qualities showed up much during the game, it made me notice how frustrated he gets while trying to 'protect' ashley, or guide her. whenever she mentions the ghosts or whatever, chris reallyyy gets frustrated. he's the skeptic, but also knows that this Has to be a person messing with them. i don't think he ever believed in the ghost thing, but i think the moment he knew someone was messing with them, was when he found the note and saw the dollhouse.

ok. that aside, which was just a very condensed version of my analysis of him (i always say them aloud to myself in my autism tangents but never write it down loool), i made up a backstory for him that i use in all my stories pretty much. just for like. consistency ? idk

this will also tread into headcanon territory so i'll just list those now.

- i think chris is like kinda jacked, went to the gym

- he did sports against his will (i'll get to this)

- bisexual (i do think he's cisgender though, i'm not sorry)

- autistic

- has a softer, romantic side of him that's like the movies

ok. headcanon cinematic universe time.

i think chris had a hard ass for a dad, he was like a no-nonsense, strict guy who got these qualities from being in the military. he doesn't like softies, and didn't want his son to be one, god forbid. his dad is also bigoted, he sucks. he's emotionally abusive.

chris's mom on the other hand, is basically a hippie. she loves anything nature related, specifically owls, knows a ton about them and paints them all the time. she's the opposite of her husband (this did cause issues in the house), she encouraged chris to be soft, even when he'd be in the midst of doing something for his dad.

cuz like. in my mind, chris had this masculinity forced on him. this specific type at least. and he didn't like it, it didn't mesh well with him. his dad made him work out, made him do sports, had him do physically demanding things as if it were actually fkn boot camp.

so i think that's where his methodical nature stems from, chris always has shit organized like a schedule. he knows the next step usually. however that doesn't mean he was necessarily the best academically. i mean, ashley is like his tutor in a sense. and josh is just a guy who loves doing stupid shit like chris does, but does it out of boredom. chris seems like he likes the rush, the activity of it.

and speaking of josh, chris's dad despised him in this cinematic universe of mine. chris's dad thought josh was too scrawny, not strong and like thought he was gay. which chris dad no like. he wants chris to be with girls, always asks him about girls. and sure chris likes girls, but he also likes guys and he can't tell his dad that or the man will flip.

josh goes against the grain, he knows chris's dad will get mad and enjoys the rise he gets out of him. so he'll 'act gay', he'll hold chris's hand, he'll hug him tightly, squeeze his shoulder, little things like that that'll earn a glare from chris's dad if they're ever in the same room.

chris's mom is all for it, she was kinda convinced he and josh were something more.

so chris has this constant positive stream in his life from his mom, a supportive voice in all the chaos from his dad. but his mom is also sick, she's not gonna be around for long. so when she dies, and there's no talk about feelings at home, chris, in turn, doesn't know how to talk about feelings.

i noticed he and josh kinda suck at it, and chris can't really tell when somethings wrong, or is too nervous to ask. he doesn't know how to navigate it. so i gave that a reason: his home life sucks with dealing with it. and when it comes to his social life, chris also doesn't know how to deal with it. and despite josh being his match, he can't be there for josh like a friend would. a friend who would know how to navigate it.

and yeah i think chris has his own issues. i know josh is canonically the only mentally ill protagonist, but idk i think you could identify a lot of neurodivergency in chris's behavior. or assume he has his own problems and is more than just the 'comic relief' trope that he's written to be (which is purposeful i know)

the romantic streak i'm talking about is like. i think chris enjoys giving roses, dates, spaghetti on the same plate because with his horrible dad, he never really had a shot of something normal like this. and he kinda yearns for it. he's a softie at heart but his dad is like Um No. and it was scary to go against his dad.

chris = daddy issues (josh also has daddy issues this is why they're perfect for each other)

anyway. it's 50 degrees and my hands are extremely cold

[nelli-bo-belli]

No One Ever Stays - Adrian Chase

Hey! This is my first post on tumblr, I have no clue what I'm doing but I offer this Adrian fic :)

Summary: Adrian starts preparing for the inevitable moment where his partner leaves him because they realize that they can’t deal with him.

Word Count: ~2k

Warnings: One fbomb I think, if there is more curse words my apologies, angst and insecurity in a relationship. I think that's it.

Any day now it was bound to happen, Adrian was sure of it. Without fail it happened every time the relationship started to get ‘serious’. His partners always reached a breaking point and ended up leaving him. They all say the same exact thing, that he was just too much. Talked too much, moved too much, there was even one instance where his partner out right told him he was just too weird. So, as Adrian and Y/n’s anniversary got closer and closer he started to withdraw from them and the relationship. It helps him prepare for the inevitable break-up.

He stopped answering calls and only texted if he deemed it necessary. He spent damn near every night out as Vigilante, taking out his emotions on criminals. Y/n picked up on his distance after a few days of him giving excuse after excuse of why he couldn’t go see them or go out on a date with them, and it broke their heart a bit. They went through the last few times they actually saw Adrian and tried to figure out what they did to cause him to act this way, but they came up with nothing. Y/n had no idea what they did or how to fix it, seeing as he wouldn’t talk with them.

Adrian felt bad every time their name popped up on his phone when they called or texted, but he had convinced himself it was for the best. It would take him a while to recover from this break-up, he knew it would because he loved them more than anyone else. They were so different from the other people he dated. Always willingly listening to his tangents about what happened at work, what happened when he was patrolling the town, Y/n even talked about dinosaurs with him. No one ever shares his enthusiasm over dinosaurs, much less lets him just talk about it. He’d miss them a lot, hell he already did and they hadn’t even broken up yet.

Currently, Adrian was laying on his bed staring at the ceiling. His phone started buzzing on the nightstand and he lifted his head to see who it was. A smile grew on his face at the sight of the name and picture (his contact picture for them was one he had taken when Y/n was asleep wearing one of his sweaters and he’s eighty percent sure they have no idea) only to quickly fall when it sunk in that they were calling. He fought with himself a bit before deciding to answer, only to be a second too late. Y/n is sent to voicemail and Adrian lets his head fall back onto the bed.

“I’m so sorry…” Adrian whispers, his guilt hitting him when he never received a second call or text. They were giving up on him, he was sure of it. He sniffled as a few tears slipped from his eyes. The silence of his room felt suffocating added with the crushing weight he felt on his chest. Before long his silent cries turned into full on sobs as he turned onto his side and curled up. “I’m so sorry Y/n…I fucked up…” He choked out, crying harder.

Adrian isn’t sure of when he fell asleep, only that it was now night and he was still incredibly exhausted. Crying drained more out of him than he thought possible, maybe because he kept it bottled up for so long. Loud, frantic knocks draw him out of his thoughts and he slowly gets up. He yells out saying he’ll be there in a second and the knocks cease. Rubbing at his eyes, he catches his reflection in his dresser mirror. Hair disheveled, glasses missing (when he lost them, he had no clue), and his eyes were red and puffy. 

He quickly went to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face before going to the door. Not checking to see who it was, he just opened the door. “Y/n?” Adrian asked, surprised to see them. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m worried about you. You’re not answering my calls anymore and never have time to hang out anymore.” Y/n pauses, studying his face a bit. “Have you been crying?” They took a small step forward, reaching a hand out to cup his cheek. He unknowingly leaned into their hand, having missed their touch.

“I’m sorry I worried you.” Was all he said, his gaze moving to the floor.

“Adrian, can I come in?” They asked, swiping their thumb on his cheek. He nods after a minute, stepping back to let them walk in. After he shut the door behind them he walked towards the living room, leaving Y/n as they took off their shoes and coat.

When they finally joined him in the living room, he was already sitting on the couch. His leg was bouncing while he held his head in his hands. They slowly made their way over to him, sitting crossed legged and facing him. “Adrian,” Their voice was gentle as they called his name, only to receive little to no reaction. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

Adrian didn’t move, but he sighed deeply. “It’s stupid.”

“If it’s making you this upset then I don’t think it’s stupid.” Y/n soothes, placing a hand on his arm.

He sighs again, but lowers his hands to his lap, letting Y/n grab one. They lace their fingers together and the corner of Adrian’s mouth quirks up before falling back into a frown. It takes him a while to gather his thoughts and courage to talk, Y/n knows this so they wait patiently. He still refuses to look at them, knowing that if he did he wouldn’t be able to speak.

“I wanna start by saying I’m sorry. I ignored you and neglected you.” Y/n opens their mouth to protest but he squeezes their hand. “I did, so just let me apologize for it.” After a moment they nod.

“Apology accepted.”

“It may not stay accepted for long.” Adrian says, the laugh following it void of any humor. “I have reasons for why I did what I did, they seem really stupid now but I swear I didn’t want to hurt you. I was just trying to protect myself, in a sense.” Y/n simply nods, giving him their undivided attention.

“I was intentionally distancing myself from you, from our relationship. But I have my reasons as to why.” Adrian explained quickly, finally looking at them. He expected to see sadness or anger at his confession but instead he only saw concern. He swallowed around the lump that was building in his throat as he continued. “In my past relationships, they uh…they normally leave by now.” He turns away from them again as fresh tears brim his eyes. “I got used to it and our relationship is at that point so I assumed it’d end soon and tried to help myself by withdrawing.”

Y/n’s heart broke as they listened to him. “Oh my love, why do you think I’d ever leave you?”

“They all do eventually. No one ever stays.” The tears start falling again and he doesn’t have the energy to try and hold them back. “Because I’m too much. Talk too much, move too much. I’m weird and no one can or ever will put up with it.” He’s full on sobbing again and Y/n is on the verge of crying as well.

They had no idea of how his past relationships had ended and to hear him crying openly was breaking their heart. Despite being together for so long already, they had never seen him like this and they were almost at a loss on what to do. They let go of his hand and wrapped both arms around Adrian’s shoulders, letting his head rest on their shoulder. Y/n whispered whatever they could to comfort him as he cried and ran one hand through his hair, one of the things he loved. “Shh love, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” Y/n paused to kiss the side of his head. “I love you too much to ever leave you.”

The confession made Adrian cry ever harder as he now wrapped his arms around their waist, pulling them to straddle his lap. Y/n continued to let him cry, knowing he just needed to get it all out. He’d bottled it up for too long, never letting himself feel the sadness he felt every time someone left, and not the dam was broken and he felt it all. When his sobs turned into sniffles and hiccups, they slowly pulled back to see his face.

“I need you to listen to me, can you do that darling?” Adrian nodded as they cupped his cheeks, wiping away his tears. “I love you. I love listening to you talk about anything and everything. I love how you are always doing something, whether it be actual work or just simply moving around because you were still for too long. It makes you, you.” Y/n leans forward, placing a kiss on his forehead. “You are not weird. You will never be weird, not to me.” They then place a kiss on his nose, effectively getting a small smile from him. “Without you, I don’t know where or who I would be. You’ve shown me that it’s okay to be myself, even when others are watching. You’ve made me a better person and you make me so incredibly happy.” Y/n brought their forehead to rest on his. “I love you. And I will always remind you of that.”

Adrian smiled at them, the first full genuine smile that Y/n has seen since they got there. Closing the small gap between them, he places a short, love filled kiss on their lips. “I love you too.”

His arms around them tightened as he buried his face back into their shoulder. Y/n hugged him back just as tight and that’s how they sat for a while. Just the two of them getting familiar again with the touch of the other after being apart for weeks. They felt Adrian’s head turn right before they felt teeth on their neck. He didn’t bite down hard, just enough for Y/n to feel it. Laughing, they did the same back to him before pulling back to look at his face again.

“Bed?” Y/n asked, taking in the tired but happy expression he had.

“That involves getting up.” He said quietly.

“Sleeping in a bed is more comfortable than sleeping on a couch.” Y/n stated as they tried getting up, only to be pulled right back down.

“Nooooo, stay.” Adrian whined, pouting up at Y/n.

“You’re cute,” Y/n booped his nose before continuing. “But no. You’ll sleep better in bed, come on.”

Y/n grabbed his hands and stood, pulling him up as well. He was still pouting but followed them to the bedroom. Acting as if they lived there, Y/n walked to his dresser and pulled out something for them both to sleep in. They handed him the clothes and gently nudged him to the bathroom. “Wash your face to get rid of the tear tracks and snot.” Y/n teased lightly, laughing as Adrian rolled his eyes playfully.

He did as they asked though and by the time he returned to the bedroom, they were already laying down waiting for him. Opening their arms, he flicked off the light before stumbling his way to the bed. He laid on top of them, his head resting on their chest as he listened to their heartbeat. Y/n gently carded their hand through his hair, only pausing when he lifted his head to look at them.

“Thank you, for everything. I really do love you. I’m grateful to have you in my life and you’ve made me so incredibly happy.” He whispers and Y/n smiles at him.

“You do not need to thank me. I do it because I love you and your happiness is my top priority.” Adrian moves up slightly to kiss their lips and they both smile into the kiss. “Good night.”

“Good night baby.”

[princess-pill-enjoyer]

#21

I took like 750 earlier and my days on days of constantly popping pills has brought some kinda shitty side effects. This is a a bit tmi but i figure it would be something that I'd wanna keep track of now. But uh I can now go a whole day without taking a piss. I really gotta work keeping hydrated. I was already chronically dehydrated when I wasn't taking dph but my already not enough water intake with pills that slurp up any and all moisture is definitely not helping. It got so bad that I physically couldn't cry. I'd be in the motion of it but no tears would come. Tho if I'm being real I'm prolly gon do another 500 once it gets a little later. I'm stressing stressing and I just want to pretend nothings wrong for a while. I'm gonna chug hella water in the meantime tho

Warning in advance this post is really long. Both the aftermath and notes are extremely extensive due to me fr fr going through it rn. I figured I'd rather have an overly detailed note that most'll skip but might help one person feel normal than a vague/quick explanation that doesn't give enough info to be of use to anyone genuinely struggling

This is gonna be a long aftermath section cause there's actually a lot I need to explain but if you don't need/want specifics the tldr would be

AFTERMATH

-I think I'm jaundiced rn. I'm not entirely sure as if I am or I'm just looking too hard but I've had previous issues with excess bile so it's a real possibility

-Hella dehydrated. Excessive crying and a high dose has made it a lot worse in a shorter amount of time. I can't cry again due to how little water I have in me

-Appetite has been hugely varies day by day but lately I haven't really been wanting/remembering to eat. It has been damn near 24 hours since I've ate last and even then I didn't eat much. I feel sick cause of it

-I don't feel overly sickly tho. I feel pretty much normalish considering everything that went down last night

The rest of this is a lot of rambling but those points are the general jist of it. Definitely read if you're curious about how all that happened.

....or if you wanna see me whining about R's partner for the probably 50th time now.... T^T

Soo I ended up taking 600/650 (dont remember which) after I was crying for so.. sooo long. I was crying so hard that I gave myself a headache and my stomach/chest kinda hurt from me trying to hold back from sobbing too loudly. I eventually stopped once I had to go upstairs for some toilet paper cause my nose... yuck.. I literally never cry for long enough where that's an issue but I was sulking one second and that SPRINTING up the stairs the next. The shit was threatening to fall out my nose and like... it was either gonna fall on me or my bed or my floor... basically my snot was tryna play flee the facility and while I was in a shitty mood, I was not in a bad enough mood to chill with snot all over me

Though I don't know what possessed me in that moment but I took a video of myself while I was up there. You could clearly see my red ass eyes and my puffy eyelids. I will confess I do kinda like how I look after I cry cause of the puffy thing but I mean. Usually I would have the common sense to know no one else is gonna see it that way so there is literally 0 point to try and take pictures like that.

Sorry slight tangent. I bring all that up cause when I rewatched the video, I noticed that my skin looked a little off. I've been breaking out for a few reasons lately and I was picking at my skin for a bit out of stress. So when I watched the video and it was like.. smooth looking I was kinda like ?? my camera must suck ass. Thats weird

But today I looked at it and I feel like I looked glowyish which was strange. I was just sitting there like, it aint even like shiny glowy I'm just lighter looking.. then I noticed I was weirdly yellow. I was just sitting there looking like.. am i tripping? so I go to the bathroom and I ofc, looked sickly. I mean. That's a given. I took 1.5k in a single day, I haven't taken any since I woke up, barely slept, barely ate, dehydrated, sobbed for hours... I am a hot mess. God. Anyway. I looked way different than I ever had before. I know how I look when I'm withdrawing and this was worse. Usually if I feel like shit, I look like shit but I really wasn't expecting what I saw. I looked yellowish and with my lips being dry it made them look paler/ashy so the combo wass just kinda shocking

Content warning: specifics on stool junk. Skip the green section if you don't wanna hear it

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I've had this one symptom for quite a while now but I felt like it was a bit tmi but at this point, I want to be entirely transparent. When I stopped for that week and relapsed tryna do dxm, I basically felt the sameish as I did before the break and I thought nothing of it. But as I started ramping up my habit again, I noticed that I would need to poo like RIGHT after I took my pills. It was so weird. 10-20 mins after without fail, I'd need to go. Then once I started taking it multiple times a day, I'd also need to need to go multiple times a day. It was so fucking annoying as I'm a person that needs to go a few times a week. Depending on what I'm eating, i'd prolly go 3-5 times a week. So going from that to every single day/multiple times a day drove me nuts.

That in itself was already so annoying but I would've accepted it if that's all it was. But during that time, anytime I had those pill induced shits it would burn so bad. It was the weirdest sensation. I'm sure everyone has experienced eating a spicy food and then immediately regretting it once it's time to pass it. And I mean with that, yeah it hurts but it mostly dissipates once its out. But this shit... oh my god. The burn of it was different from anything I've ever had before. It'd literally hurt for so long after. Not to where it's excruciating but it was just odd to feel my junk burning off some junk I passed 10 mins ago. When I did it multiple times a day however.. that's when I couldn't take it. It'd burn damn near everytime as is but not getting a long enough time inbetween this junk made it sting worse and worse.

Around this time I started to google junk cause it was getting out of hand. My stool was always green during that time so I looked into that first. I saw mostly people talking about it's harmless most of the time and probably diet based but I knew I had to be a special case. So I kept looking when I found out about the possibility of having bile in my junk and it all made sense. My acid reflux has been worse, the burning would make perfect sense, and plus I saw that if your body digests the junk too quick there's sometimes an excessive amount of unabsorbed bile. I irritated tf out of my stomach with all the pills so I would not be shocked my stomach would just want whatevers inflaming out as SOON as possible.

After a while, I just was tired of being in pain and I'd just ignore my stomach whining to get that mess out of me. It was getting to be entirely too much and I knew it'd probably reopen my ulcer but I couldn't be bothered to care

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Anyway I explain all that because when I was looking into jaundice causes all I was seeing was mentions about liver shit and excessive bile can leave you looking yellow/green. With my excessive bile thing happening before, I knew that was probably what it was. I'm gonna hope that the combo of me taking hella pills without drinking much water is what made my liver play me this time. I don't want that to be an actual thing I have to be conscious of.. I don't want my parents to drag me to the doctor's office and if they saw me like that it's basically guaranteed. Honestly, they probably wouldn't even bother they'd prolly go straight to urgent care. I can't even imagine all the explaining I'd have to do.. All the issues the doctor could point out. God. What if they see all the benadryl floating around my system and know I'm abusing them without me even saying anything?? What if they tell my parents behind my back?? I know they can't afford to put me in some fancy ass rehab shit. Where th would you even find that..

So in order to not have my minion-esque skin be what gets me found out, I'm gonna start going out my way to chug water where I can and start tapering off again. I've noticed I haven't really had that sickly out of it feel when I get into the 500+ range so I'm guessing if I lower it from that I should probably be good? I dunno. For now I'm not saying I'm quitting as I have no clue how long it'll take to get used to lower and lower amounts but at the very least I won't be going back to my peak doses. That 750 I took was the most I've had since pre relapse and it'd be so easy to slide back into my everyday 750-1.25k range atp but it really isn't worth it. I'd have to drink so much water to accommodate that and if I do now gotta worry about jaundice I'm sure giving my liver even more meds to process would be a extremely poor decision.

I am exhausted though.. Now that I'm done writing this I'm honestly bouta take a nap

R and her girlfriend are going through a really rough patch right now. To the point where she thinks her partner is going to leave her. She's been real focused on working and stuff and i guess with that she didn't notice that she was going through something..?

NOTES/EMOTIONS

The funny part is she was working that hard so that they could move in together next year. Something they both were really set on. It's kinda sad. R must be so confused.

The thing is like.. this has been a CONSTANTT on and off issue for them. I fully get wanting to hang with her but this is what... 5th? 6th? time that they've had strain because of how much they hang. And that's only the times that my bsf has told me about. It just like.. what else can she do? They still talk everyday and she still doesn't really play/talk to many other people to give her her for the most part completely undivided attention. But at the same point, this is R's first time having a job where she has hours hours. I'm sure that shit can be tiring as is but she literally aint used to it yet. She only started working long long shifts 2-3 weeks ago. She be exhausted. I feel like her partner wants her to just sit there and talk to morning to evening like she did when she didn't have all too many time commitments and it just aint realistic. I don't get why they're still fighting on that

They fight a lot in general. It feels like every few days she'll seem off and I'll be like oh I'm sorry and try and comfort her and junk. But then theyre just "back good" by the next day. I don't think either of em are addressing the real problem if they need to argue so damn much

Plus, I don't see how R doesn't see it but she said it herself she brought up them feeling distant, her girlfriend didn't change literally anything. She said it for herself and still ended up blaming herself by the end of it. She thinks that she was neglecting her and it was her fault for not knowing about her struggles even though she has literally brought it up multiple times... plus she focuses focuses on her once she gets back. SO it's just like.. I dunno. I just feel like her partner just.. aint it

That sounds so harsh but I mean. God. She made R feel like she had to drop all her damn hobbies and "grow up", she makes her feel like shit for STRUGGLING with multiple addictions because R said she'd quit and apparently her relapsing means she was lying the whole time, gives her the cold shoulder whenever she feels like knowing damn well R is terrified of abandonment and'll go nuts and do whatever to get her back whether its right or wrong to, plus like my bsf LOVES weed and her partner wants her to quit by the time they move in together.

To me, I think that the two need to breakup. My bsf's partner clearly wants a whole different person and I don't think R should feel bad for not just forcing herself in the perfect partner mold.

The thing that's been irking me the most is her giving R the cold shoulder when she gets high with no fucking thought on context. She has literally been escaping through that shit for damn near 5 years at this point. I fully get not understanding that shit cause you don't do that sort of thing. I'm glad she doesn't honestly. It'd be one more thing for R to stress on plus she can be her voice of reason.. Well okay if she actually gave enough of a fuck to be a voice of reason she could be. But that's the thing. She just parrots out the "right thing" and get mad that my bsf can't just poof into sobriety. I'm so tired of R coming to me in distress cause her girlfriend is icing her out cause she smoked a single cig. or weed to help her sleep.. Just like. Stupid shit. She gives 0 positive reinforcement whatsoever. How does she not see how damn far R has come??

When I first met her, she'd causally take dxm day after day and get so messed up on that shit she'd actually blackout. She used to stay high or drunk. Didn't matter that it was hurting her. She just wanted an escape. But now?? She is so much more responsible. She actually googles and researches instead of just doing whatever with no concern with her health. She doesn't take dxm anymore cause she saw that it could possible heighten her blood pressure. She doesn't really take dph anymore... tho there has been a few occasions these last few months. She smokes like.. 2-3 cigs a dayish when before she could go through an entire pack within a single day. She only smokes weed every once in a while vs when before she'd CONSTANTLY going through pen after pen

LIKE?? I just. I hate that she makes R feel so shitty for not being 100% with that stuff. I feel like she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm proud of her for all the changes she's made within the last few months but hearing it from her partner would mean the world to her. How hard is it to just support her?? So fucking selfish.

Plus some of the time she does that shit, she ain't even doing it cause she wants to and her partner NEVER CONSIDERS THAT.R's heart has been being weird for months now. Doctors ain't really been helping too much as far as solutions go and with her liver being fucked beforehand she has to just take it at times. The medicine she has available to her has they own pros and cons. Which leads her to sometimes smoke to not feel that shit so much.

I remember this one day me and her didn't talk much the whole day so I freaked out and tried to get through to her through damn near every form of contact I had. I damn near texted her mom but I thought that would be too much for day 1 so I had a draft written up for if she was gone. I was terrified. She never just dips like that.

...Only for her to text me back about an hour later. I was slightly annoyed at first but once she explained I bout cried. She was in so much pain that she oded on dph so she could sleep it off. She started opening up about how much pain she be in and how the bp pills have so many side effects and she can't really take tylenol anymore cause of her liver. A lot the time when she smokes weed/take dph its to dull the pain of that. It's why I try to be as vocal as I can about supporting her on that shit. I don't want her to be dependent on ANYTHING ofc but I can't imagine having to sit there in excruciating pain with little to help you.

To have your own partner just... disregard that cause she doesn't like her being on anything just grosses me out.

But despite all that, I am still.. so fucking sad for my bsf. She really loves that girl and even with their severely unbalanced relationship I know her partner has her good qualities. I couldn't imagine being in her shoes rn. Feeling like all your accomplishments and growth was for nothing cause at the end of the day you lost the reason you were pushing yourself so hard.

This is honestly the worst case scenario. I've been dreading this day so much. On one hand, if they do end up breaking things off, at least she won't have to deal with all the stressors of being stranded in a completely diff state. I knew being around each other 24/7 would eventually force a lot of their issues to the forefront and seeing how they respond to disagreements as is I couldn't imagine that arrangement lasting for too long. But at the same time.. R is not gonna see their dynamic for what it is until she is long long over it. There are no positives for her in this you know? She's not gonna see it as a lesson to only put your all into relationships once you see the same from them. All she's seeing it as is a another person abandoning her. Another person she isnt good enough for.

I wish I could pull her out that pit myself. I hate that I have to just sit there and watch for now. I remember how hurt I was over a 2mo relationship with a fucking groomer. I didn't accept that shit for yearssss. I can't imagine having someone you have so many memories with possibly leaving from your life

I hope to god she doesn't do anything too rash. I know she's going to spiral.. She's probably passed out drunk rn tbr. And she's prolly gon be hurting herself for a looong long time. It makes me so upset. I hate that she's gonna treat herself like dirt because she wasn't able to transform into the picture perfect partner her girlfriend expected her to be. I wish I could just say a magic word and she'd just be over it.

I don't know how I want to approach comforting her if things do end up ending. On one hand, we used to talk alot more and she was a lot more open about her feelings pre treating-her-girlfriend-like-she-treated-me mode so would it be good for me to try and get her back to that? Does that come off as me trying to replace her gf? Will she think I'm just tryna make her like me back and I'm just rushing to steal her partners spot? And plus like.. I know how this shit goes. No matter what I say or do she's still going to hurt. Will me trying to distract her just annoy her? Is that actually helpful?

God.. I feel like I've been writing forever. I'm sorry. First time in a while and I just started going on and on. But that ll is a pretty thorough breakdown of everything on my mind right now. I am so scared on what R is going to be doing to try and cope. And I'm scared that her possible ex is gonna be a sore spot for her for a while. I'm not really hoping they get back together but I kinda am at the same time. I wish that they'd break up on R's terms. I know the after stuff would be a lot easier on her that way. She would've already come to the terms that their relationship aint feasible for one reason or another which is a huge step as is.

Buuut. nope. Well. Ig it aint guaranteed. They might not breakup at all. I'm gonna hope they do tho. She doesn't need someone that'll sit there and purposely punish and hurt her cause they don't get their way. Sorry again for the long ass notes section. I'm just really scared

[tacticaldiary]

Heyaa! I really love your stories 😭 Can i request for Osamu? He had a close friend, a girl, that likes him and plans on confessing to him. One day, she told him about her feelings then someone (a girl) hugged him and the friend was like "since when?". Ugh i'm so simp for him 😭 it's ur choice author-chan if u want the ending to be angst or fluff 🥺 thank youu!

---------------------------------------------------------------------- Here it is!

It’s Always Been You

Pairing: Reader x Miya Osamu

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Confessions don’t always go smoothly. It wasn’t the confession either of them expected, but they’re glad it turned out well. Both have two years of mutual pining to make up for. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was it. She wills her hands to stop shaking, shoving them into her pockets. She was going to do this and this time she wouldn’t chicken out like last time. And the time before that. And the time before that...

Shaking her head to get rid of the thoughts, she takes a deep breath and leans against the wall next to their usual lunch spot. She was going to do this. It was going to be fine. She tries reassuring herself. Atsumu had told her that his brother reciprocated her feelings. He had practically forced her to admit her crush to him, after pestering her for weeks.

He was annoying, but had good intentions at heart. Y/N lets out a breathy, nervous laugh at the memory of his smug face, claiming that he ‘knew it all along’.

She had known the twins for over 3 years now, and they had clicked instantly. They were close friends and spent a lot of time together, in and out of school. Atsumu was the one she met first, but Osamu was the twin that had really caught her eye. Over the past few years she had slowly started developing a crush on him. Y/N found Osamu endearing. She felt her heart beating a little faster everytime he would grin at her, or when he went off on a tangent about his current favourite food. She couldn’t help falling for him.

Y/N had put this off for so long because she was so afraid of ruining their friendship, but she was tired of pretending now. If he didn’t feel the same way, she would try and get over it. She wouldn’t let their friendship collapse like that, even if she had wanted to be more than friends.

With those thoughts in mind, Y/N steels herself, and pushes herself off the wall turning the corner. Her breath catches in her throat when she sees him standing there, looking around a little confused as to why no one was there yet. When he spots her, Osamu’s face lights up with an easy smile which Y/N returns nervously.

She walks up to him, stopping a little bit away. He raises an eyebrow when she stays silent.

“You’re actin’ weird. What’s wrong?” He asks bluntly tilting his head to the side.

Y/N feels a blush creep up her face. “I-Nothing’s wrong!” she says quickly. “I just...I have something to tell you.” It comes out in a rush and if it were not for the curious look on his face, Y/N would’ve thought he hadn’t understood.

Nodding slowly, he waits for her to continue. She takes a deep breath and lets it out.

“I like you. A lot. I have since the moment I met you.” She can practically feel her face burning. “You make me really happy and I find myself wanting to be more than friends with you.” She holds her breath after speaking, her gaze fixed to the ground. There’s a few seconds of excruciating silence.

“Y/N” His soft voice reaches her ears and she finds the courage to finally look up.

Y/N can’t quite make out his expression. He doesn't look upset...but he doesn't look happy either.

“Y/N...I-” he speaks slowly, not quite processing that this was finally, actually happening, that his crush felt the same way. Y/N hangs on to every word, bracing herself for rejection. She’s spared from it though, when Osamu is cut off by a shrill, obnoxious voice.

“Osamu! There you are!” A girl Y/N recognises from one of her classes bounds up to them waving at the guy with a bright smile on her face. Osamu looks annoyed for a split second, before the girl invades his personal space and latches onto his arm, holding onto his bicep.

Y/N feels her heart sink, frowning as she glances between the two, her gaze lingering on the girl's hand on his arm. What was she doing here?

Osamu, noticing her questioning glance, attempts to subtly break free of the girl's hold but fails, as her grip tightens. Shaking his head a little, he scoffs under his breath. This girl, Mika, if he remembered correctly, had been bothering him for the past week, waiting outside his classes to talk to him. She had never been this bold before. Needless to say, Osamu was a little uncomfortable.

“Fancy seeing you here! I thought I asked you to meet me behind the gym, but this works too, I guess.” She laughs, a shrill sound. Osamu had remembered her request. He also remembers rejecting it, letting her know that he wasn't interested. This girl was too stubborn for her own good.

Y/N was heartbroken. There was clearly something going on between the two, and if it was what she thought... Had Atsumu prompted her to confess when he knew his brother was...no, that was too cruel, even for Atsumu. Was it?

“Oi, get off-” he hisses in a low voice to the girl, who just giggles and ignores him. He’s cut off by Y/N’s voice.

“Since when?”

“What?” Something tugs at his heart, seeing the sadness in her eyes as she looks at him, head on.

“Since when were you two...” she gestures between them. The other girl, Mika smiles brightly.

“Since about a month!” No. That wasn’t right?

“A month?” she asks, her voice hollow.

“Mhm! Osamu here helped me with my English once and that was that!”

“Oh.” he voice cracks. She clears her throat and manages a watery smile. “‘Samu never told me. I wish you the best of luck then.” With that she turns on her heel and walks away rather quickly, willingly her tears to not fall for a few more moments. Until she was alone, at least.

Osamu is stunned. What just happened? He’d finally gotten a confession from his long-time crush...and now she was walking away. By the shaking of her shoulders, he realises she’s crying? What the hell was going on. Glancing at the girl, still holding on to his arm, he snaps back to reality with a start.

“Oi, what the hell!?” he rips his arm away from her grasp, glaring at her. “What are you tryin’ to do?” The girl just shakes her head and pouts.

“You said you’d meet me behind the gym. I had a whole confession planned, then that bitch comes along and ruins everything.” she rolls her eyes.

With that, Osamu steps closer to her threateningly. “What the fuck did you just say? She’s better than you’ll ever be. The next time you try and pull shit like this again I’ll-”

“Woah there!” Osamu stumbles as he’s yanked backwards by none other than his brother. Atsumu’s a little startled when he catches the furious look on his twin's face. Glancing between the two, he makes a very useful observation.

“That’s not Y/N.” he tilts his head in confusion. He thought Osamu had been yelling to Y/N and had decided to intervene, but that clearly wasn’t Y/N.

“Yeah, no shit ‘Tsumu.”

“Where is she? Did she do it?”

“If you mean confess, then yeah. She did.” he shoots Mika a glare. Ignoring Atsumu’s confused questions, he looks back at where Y/N had left. He had to find her, had to make this right. Osamu pushes past his brother, leaving him to deal with Mika and sets off to find her. As he walks, he curses his luck. He’s been pining over her for almost two years. Two years he had to watch her smile light up the room. He had to bear the annoying butterflies in his stomach for two whole years, only to find out that she felt the same way?

He wasn’t about to let this go to shit this easily. Osamu weaves through the hallways and stops in front of her classroom. His heart drops when he hears small, watery hiccups from inside. Pushing the door open he sees Y/N with her head on the desk, staring dejectedly out the window. She freezes as she hears the door open, her shoulders visibly tensing.

He slowly walks over to her and sits on the desk next to her silently. After a few beats of silence, Y/N breaks the silence.

“‘Samu?” her voice is a little shaky and Osamu wants to kick himself for being the cause of it.

He nods, before realising she can’t see him. “Yeah. It’s me.” He sees her take a deep breath, her shoulders rising and falling, before she sits up, turning towards him. It’s very obvious she’s been crying, the red rim around her puffy eyes giving her away. The sleeve of her uniform is damp with tears.

“Did you need something-”

“I like you too.” he blurts out, cutting himself off. He winces at his bluntness. He had imagined he would tell her those words when being out on a romantic walk in the park or after having dinner together or-or something, anything other than this.

She looks at him in disbelief. “You-...you do?” she frowns and Osamu wants to do nothing but smooth out the slight furrow of her eyebrows with his hand. He sighs and moves so he’s kneeling next to her desk, looking up at her. He explains how Mika had done that because she wanted him to accept her confession, and how he wanted nothing to do with her.

“It’s you. It’s always been you.” He mutters out the last part, the tip of his ears dusted a deep red. “Sorry ya had to-”

He cuts himself off with a grunt as Y/N launches herself towards him, knocking him off balance. He narrowly misses bumping into the desk behind him and wraps his arms around her waist to steady the both of them.

“You’re an idiot.” He feels her mumble into the crook of his neck.

“Hey, you held off confessing too. I’m not the only idiot here.” He tightens his arms around her, happiness welling inside him. He couldn’t quite believe that this was actually happening.

“We’re both idiots then.” She giggles, pulling away to look at him.

“Whatever ya say.” he leans up, bumping their noses together playfully, grinning at her giggle. He admires the hue of pink dusting her cheek bones and realises that he had missed two years of this.

Well, they could make up for lost time starting now.

Requests are Open and Welcome

[bunny-wk-fanfic]

This Is Brought To You By

The door opened to a rustic cabin, the natural wood glowing amber thanks to a roaring fire. Worn dark leather seating seemed hazy thanks to said fire light, each piled with plush pillows and draped with cozy throws or blankets. A low table had been laid out with candles, a bottle of wine was being kept chilled in a classy and slightly modern ice bucket with two glasses just off to the side. The only splash of color amongst the glow of the fire, the natural wood and stone textures were a small handful of red roses, loose petals just lightly scattered about. With the help of the slow jazz playing softly in the background, it made for a very romantic atmosphere.

"Well, hello there." the male voice was a slightly low purring drawl, drawing attention to the male figure sprawled across an almost stereotypical bear rug. "Deadpool here. Hopefully, while reading this, you're hearing the voice of a certain sexy male Canadian. I'm sure you know the one. And I don't mean the short, hairy one with anger issues and kitty claws and a fondness for cigars. Unless of course said angry man is being represented by a beautiful, beautiful wild Australian man. Because if then, well, lather me in hot sauce and spank my Chimichanga. But I'm getting off track here."

Fingers drummed against a knee, drawing the attention to the missing and familiar red and black outfit, and more importantly, to the lack of proper attire.

"Yes, my current outfit has to do with the reason we are here today. It's come to my attention, that it's been some time since we last met, or that our beloved writer has written anything involving our favorite woman. And more importantly, our favorite woman when involved with me." a single white rose was plucked from behind, waved about as if a magic wand, and dragged across a scarcely clad male thigh that was pocked with fresh wounds that were instantly scaring. "As such, I decided to… encourage our beloved writer into bringing us all together once again."

With a dramatic wave of limbs, he moved from reclining on his side, that screamed 'Paint my like your French women', to leaning back on his elbows. The pale pink satin nighty, the atmosphere, and the pose would have been more than alluring were the one in said pose a woman. With the male, the nighty was rather comically stretched across his frame, though covering everything important, the sheer robe with fluffy cuffs only adding to the oddity of the entire situation. It clashed with the fact that he still wore his iconic red and black full head cowl.

"Now, our lovely writer might say otherwise about my encouragement, calling it nagging, whining or say I simply began to annoy her until she finally relented. Ignore those words and continue to read mine with the amazing drawl of a voice provided by the Canadian sex symbol; my pal, my bosom buddy, Ryan Reynolds." the white rose bobbed to the beat of the low music, tapping against a hip every so often.

"Now, back unto the reason why we're here. Honestly? I was lonely and wanted some cuddles with my lovely, lovely Kagome." noticing that it was just the male lounging in the open living space, he was quick to wave a hand. "Don't worry, don't worry! My girl is currently enjoying a much-needed hot bubble bath. One, I wish I was taking part of, but felt this little conversation was, at the time, more prudent. How could I feel that? Simple. I had the desire that everyone read this in Reynolds voice, nothing more and nothing less. Though if we are asking for more, and I know what you all want, I on the other hand, wouldn't mind lathering my girl in rich and real Canadian maple syrup and eating my midnight pancake snacks off of her, but maybe later. So while Kagome is taking this time to prepare for a very adventurous night right here on this vegan friendly-faux-bear fur rug, I'll fill that time with hanging out with you lovely little readers. Because without you, though more so my unannounced arrival and delayed departure, we wouldn't be here right now."

Happy humming could now be heard from behind a closed door just off to the side, the male giving a little jiggle in his spot in excitement. The rose momentarily used to fan himself, though just how useful it was as such, needed to be questioned at a later time.

"Now I'm sure there are a few things you all wish to talk about; my last movie with the fridge trope, which I myself can only say thanks to the writers for that one. Thanks guys, I've always wanted more trauma and torture to sprinkled in my life." a finger was wagged, tongue tisking against his teeth, though the sound was slightly muffled due to his mask.

"Or when my next film will come out, and if so, will it be part of the Marvel Universe. This is where you show your true love and devotion. I ask you, lovely readers, to go out and use the internet, haul out the trolls if need be, and ask, beg, and cry for me to be part of Marvel. Not that I want to, not really, it's just principle. What with their large budgets, CGI teams, writers, directors and a full cast. Honestly, a whole school of mutants gone save for three at a single extended time? For what purpose, 'cause I doubt they all went on some sort of field trip or vacation, but what do I know, I failed out of 5th grade. But, not really." his head tipped to the side, possibly staring in the direction of where the bathroom was, it was hard to tell with his face actually covered to know for sure.

"I mean, who wants to be part of that depressing team? All that self-sacrificing for the greater good?" he gave a few bobs of the rose in his hand as his head tipped back, almost as if in contemplation. "Though let's be honest, we all know I would survive an alien with a California Raisin on steroids for a chin, snapping their fingers. And then I'd introduce said alien to my Desert Eagles Mark XIX while recruiting Ant-Man to tickle where the sun never shines before becoming… Anti-Ant-Man? I honestly don't know what to call him in his Ultraman form, wait, does that make him a magical-boy or a science-boy? Right, Ant-Man shrinking to tickle where sun don't shine for hurting my favorite Web-Head super bro." the rose now tapped where his mouth was, though again, it was hidden by his mask. "And it would be super hot to watch Kagome kick his ass. I wonder what she would wear… Something skin tight? Revealing? Her old school uniform?"

A door opening, even though quiet, drowned out his muttering, the candles flickered as steam billowed out of the bathroom before quickly dissipating the further it billowed into the open space. "Are you talking to White and Yellow again?" a female figure left the dark bathroom, her form covered with a short semi sheer dark pink bathrobe of her own. Her hands were raised just enough to free her hair from beneath the robe, though she paused when she really took a look at the sprawled out male. "...I thought that was supposed to be a gift for me?"

Snickering, he trailed the rose down from his mouth, his neck, down his chest stopping just above his stomach. "Don't you think I look sexy in this?" it was always so amusing to tease and rile her when he wore risqué outfits, namely hers.

Finishing in freeing her hair, she eyed his form. Yes, his skin was pocked and disfigured from him constantly getting open sores and his abilities nearly immediately healing them. But beyond that, his form was all carved muscle, no doubt from years of being a mercenary. While yes, he was larger with the shoulders strong, he had a slight swimmer's build. It didn't lack-

"Ah, sorry for the intermission. Our writer took a few days to… deal with life I guess. How boring." shoulders shrugged, waving off the confused expression from his fairer companion. "Of course, it would happen when describing my awesome and amazingly sexy self." an actual pout could be seen through his mask.

"I will admit, you are sexy." the purring drawl from Kagome drew his attention again, her words and tone revealing she either decided she was going to ignore him going off tangent or just that she was used to it at this point, body freezing when her hands began with removing the sash that kept her own coverings secure. "I'm just not sure that shade of pink is quite your color. Maybe you should stick to your usual colors?"

The moment, the robe dropped and pooled around her feet, revealed a feminine figure dripping in curves with subtle musculature that showed she kept up with her own training, he froze. She wore a set of red and black satin and lace that covered pale skin. It covered a little more than what most would normally deem sexy lingerie, with slightly wider straps, but they accentuated her curves, drawing attention to them. And the thin ribbons that accompanied and mimicked, as well as help the lace that helped cover stiffening peeks, made her look more like a present just waiting to be unwrapped.

"Well, what do you think of my gift to you?" legs crossed slightly as hands once again rose to lift her hair to both reveal her neck and shoulders as well as lift her chest, she stood posed before him, basking in the golden glow of the fireplace behind him.

The white rose that had been resting near his hip instantly perked up, a white petal flying off at the somewhat harsh and sudden movement. Despite it being a mask, the white 'eyes' widened as the mask shifted to show that his jaw dropped.

"I'll take your silence as a, 'I likey'?" she giggled as she dropped her hands, they followed the curves of her body, no doubt drawing his gaze from behind the mask to follow with. Slowly, with a slight predator grace, she lowered to her knees and began to crawl up his form, leaving a trail of kisses behind her that glittered from both the fire light as well as her own abilities to help heal him.

Tossing the rose without a care, he reached forward to trace her curves for himself, not stopping as her own hands reached forward to lift and remove his mask. Lips curved up when she reached forward to kiss him. It was sweet, a simple press of her lips against his own. His smile grew when he quickly ended the sweetness by reaching for that delightful curve of her ass that shook playfully in his grasp.

The gasp that was let out was easily and eagerly swallowed, tongue dipping between lush lips to tangle with her own. With where his grip was, he pulled her closer to settle in his lap. Trailing lips away from her own to nip down her jaw and neck, he smirked against her warm skin.

Pausing, brown eyes narrowed as he turned away from the purring woman in his lap. "Oi, what are you still doing here? This ain't no peep-show! Go away. Read a book, play a game, watch a movie. I hear that new one about a guy named Guy wanting to be free or something, is worth the watch. And if my pal Ryan is in it, ya know it's good. Now," a hand reluctantly left the span of leg it had been caressing with a waving motion. "Shoo."

Turning away, leaving behind the couple and the sounds of giggles and kissing echoed loudly over the crackles and pops from the fireplace. A quick squeal that turned into laughter that was followed by a masculine whine at the sound of fabric tearing just set the pace of what was to come. And who was in charge of this nights shenanigans. A door closing muffled the sounds as the cool evening draped across the forest, leaving only the crickets in the distance and even further off cries of wolves the only sounds to echo.

Message delivered, though the exacts of what the message actually was seemed to have been lost. But it had been shared, and that seemed to be all that had been important. It did leave questions of what the future held, and if there would be any further important messages that would need to be shared. Who knows. Guess the game of 'wait and see' was going to have to be played.

AN: Don't ask. Please don't. I will say this, I was at work when I literally/figuratively heard Deadpool/Ryan Reynold's voice pop out from no where and bug me until I started writing this down. And when I lost the flow for a few days, it came back until I managed to finish it. So now I'm posting it here and cleaning my hands of it. I hope you can find some enjoyment in, I know I'm going to enjoy the peace and quiet.

As always; read, enjoy, and please review! - BunnyWK

[angelmavmurdock]

• Under The Table •

WARNINGS: SMUT, DADDY KINK, FINGERING.

A/N: forgive me father for i have sinned 🥵🤭

-

Tom and I have been together for 4 months now. We've said 'I love you' and he moved into my apartment. I was finally meeting his family for the first time. I had met his best friend Harrison and his brother Harry before but no one else.

I was cooking for everyone because I'm the head chef at a restaurant in the city. Tom liked cooking but he usually just let me do it because...well, I'm good at it.

I had a black mid-length pencil skirt on and a black embroidered strappy body suit. I had my trusty black stilettos on and I had an apron wrapped around my waist. My hair was up in a ponytail for cooking but I would let it down once everyone came.

"Tom, could you pass me the salt please?" I asked him. He smiled and grabbed it then handed it to me.

"You're hot." He smirked, wrapping a hand around my waist and hugging me from behind.

"So are you." I smiled, shaking some salt into the pasta.

He slid a hand down past my hips to my thighs, riding up my skirt so he could grab the material.

"Hey! Knock it off!" I laughed, slapping  his hand away.

"What? You look so fucking good, darling." He growled in my ear and bit my earlobe softly. I couldn't help myself from leaning my head back and biting my lip.

He continued gathering my skirt up.

"No! Tom, your family will be here any second now." I swatted his hand away once again.

"Pleaassee? Come on, it'll be quick! I promise!"

"Just what every girl wants to hear," I laughed.

"Come on, darling." He kissed underneath my earlobe and  started sucking and kissing my neck.

I wrapped a hand around his head, massaging his curly hair. He quickly got my skirt up to my hips and ran a hand down my thigh. I moaned and gripped his hair. He slid a hand up my thigh and he slipped his hand into my thong.

"Baby, your family will be here any minute." I sighed, helplessly melting under his touch.

"They're always late," He flipped me so I was facing him.

"I need you." He bit his lip. I grabbed the nape of his neck and pulled him into me, our lips crashing. His hand slipped further down my thong and he curved a finger up my entrance, causing me to gasp hang my head on my shoulders.

"Is that good, baby? Huh?" He growled into my ear, going faster and faster, slipping another finger in. I was holding onto his bare bicep for dear life, putting nail imprints in his skin.

"Fuck me daddy," I moaned desperately.

"What's the magic word?"

"Please!" I groaned.

"Good girl." He smirked and lifted me up with ease, sitting me on the counter. I quickly switched off the stove and then we continued making out. Our tongues swirling and pushing together in such a need. I unbuckled his trousers and slipped my hand into his boxers.

"Yes, baby, fuck." He groaned, gripping my hip mercilessly.

I stroked him up and down slowly then getting faster and faster, feeling him harden in my hand. He pulled me closer and moved my thong to the side and he stroked his cock up and down my entrance before pushing himself in.

"Yes Tommy!" I moaned highly, pressing our chests together and gripping onto his back and arm. He started pounding in me, his huge cock filling me up, hitting my G spot every time.

His thrusts were strong and powerful and I knocked over two cans and a packet of pasta but I didn't care.

He took his hand and started circling my clit.

"Fuck!" I bit my lip and leaned back on my arm, letting my head fall to my shoulders.

"Yes baby you're so - fuck - you're so fucking hot!" He moaned, grunting as he pounded me relentlessly.

"Harder! Yessss! Oh! Yes! I'm gonna-!" I clenched around him and he groaned.

His thrusts became a little more sloppy but neither of us cared as we were both close to our euphoric orgasms.

"Fuck," Tom buried his face in the crook of my neck.

"Come for me baby," He groaned. I wrapped my legs around him tightly and pushed him even further into me.

KNOCK KNOCK

"We're here!" I heard Harrison's voice.

"We'll be - shit - we'll be right there!" I shouted, trying not to sound like I was on the edge of my climax.

"Hurry up we're hungry!" Harry shouted.

"Come on baby," Tom grunted, not fazed by the fact his family was outside the door.

"I'm...I'm!" Tom covered my mouth as I climaxed and clenched around him. Tom then immediately came after me, both of us moaning and cursing.

"Guuuyyysss!" Harrison groaned from outside.

"Coming!" I shouted, jumping off the counter and pulling my skirt back down.

"We already did that, love." Tom smirked as he zipped his trousers back up. I shook my head and gave him the 'don't-you-dare-say-a-word-about-this-or-I-will-kill-you' look.

I rushed to the door and opened it.

"Hey! Sorry for the wait, we spilled some pasta on the floor and it was a bit chaotic." I laughed, still breathing heavily.

"Y/N, are you okay? You seem out of breath." Haz said.

"I'm fine! I was just rushing around at the last minute, nothing new." I smiled.

"Please, come in!" I opened the door wider and Tom's family all came in one by one. And Harrison was last, giving me a suspicious glare. I shrugged and he squinted at me.

•••••

We were all sitting at the dining table. Tom and I were sitting next to each other, Nikki was at one end of the table and Dom was at the other. Harry, Sam and Paddy were sitting next to each other opposite Tom and I. We were all about halfway through our meals and it had been great so far.

"So, Y/N, how's the restaurant going? Still busy?" Nikki asked.

"Yeah, we've been super busy recently. I think it's because it's getting warmer so more tourists are coming." I smiled and took a forkful of salad.

Tom's hand reached over to my lap and I flashed him a confused look but he didn't look at me, he just kept looking on, listening to his mother.

"That's great! I have to ask, is the money good?" She asked in a slightly hushed tone.

"Mum!" Tom said. He squeezed my thigh and gathered the fabric up again. Hell no.

"It's fine! No it is quite good money but it's not mad." She nodded as I spoke.

Tom's hand continued gathering the fabric up and he slipped his hand further up my leg, tracing his fingertips along my skin. I bit my lip from making any sound.

"You okay, Y/N?" Harry asked opposite you.

I coughed, "Yeah, I'm good." I smiled. He nodded and him and Haz continued their conversation.

"Anyway, Dom, how's the writing going for your book?" I asked Dom.

He started going off on his own tangent and I didn't listen to a word of it. I was too focused on Tom's hand sliding inside of my already wet thong. I just nodded and said things like 'mmm' 'right' 'yeah' to make it seem like I was listening to Dom.

I spread my legs a little wider, despite my embarrassment, I had to get relief from the knot in my stomach that was tightening and tightening. Tom smirked at that, I could see him in my peripheral vision. He slipped a finger inside of me and circled my clit with his thumb. I quickly shoved a mouthful of food in my mouth to drown out any sounds I was making. He was thrusting his fingers in and out of me at a pace I never thought possible.

"And - Y/N, are you alright?" Dom asked.

I fake coughed and clutched my chest, "Yeah, something just went down the wrong way." I smiled. He said, "Ahh," Then continued with his story.

Tom slipped another finger in and I had to bite my own tongue from moaning. Harrison gave us another suspicious look from across the table but we both just smiled normally at him. Tom's thumb got faster and his fingers were thrusting so deep inside me. I felt my stomach about to become loose. I grabbed a piece of garlic bread and shoved it into my mouth, muffling the moans as I released all over his fingers.

"Y/N, are you sure you're okay?" Sam asked. I took a moment to regain myself and I looked up at him.

"I feel a bit funny actually," I sat my napkin down on the table and Tom took his hand away from me.

"I feel quite sick." I lied. I got up, quickly pushing my skirt down.

"I'll be back in a second, please keep eating." I smiled and went into the bathroom, giving Tom a glare before I went in.

A moment later Tom came into the bathroom. He shut the door and locked it behind him.

"Baby, are you okay?" He asked.

I pushed him up against the door.

"Payback time, daddy." I bit my lip and dropped to my knees.

"Shit."

[make-me-imagine]

Hi my name is Andrea I am a straight black female with curly shoulder length brown hair. I would like a Criminal Minds and Sherlock ship please. I am smart like above-average but definitely not genius. I am funny in like to make people laugh. My friends mean the world to me and I would do anything for them. Sometimes I struggle to pay attention but when I do I'm freaking awesome. I have really bad anxiety and I really like to do art to calm myself down.(1/2)✊🏾

Ships are now closed!

-

I hope you like then Andrea! Sorry they took so long~

Criminal Minds:

I ship you with Derek. Not only would he think you are very intelligent and caring, but he would find you beautiful and trustworthy to no end. He admires your strength and loyalty to your friends. He doesn’t mind your anxiety and is really good at making you feel safe, and is really patient and caring and would never force you to be in a situation you don’t feel comfortable in (he’s also kind of protective). He loves that you do art and admires your work. Also, he def calls you baby-girl like he does with Garcia and this has lead to funny situations in which he’ll say “hey baby girl” and you both turn around. Or times when you are annoyed at him and he’s trying to get your attention calling you baby-girl, and he finally appears in front of you like ?!??! and you’re just like “Oh sorry, I thought you were talking to Penelope” and he’s just like “...bro”. Both Penelope and Reid think this is hilarious btw

Prompt 6: Fake Boyfriend/Girlfriend 

It was no secret to the rest of the team that you had a crush on Derek. And unbeknownst to you, it was no secret to them that he also had a crush on you. They knew you two would figure it out eventually, but they were getting a bit impatient as well. Which is exactly how you got into this situation. 

You had all gone out together for some food and karaoke, afterwards you walked around downtown, as everyone slowly went home. Eventually leaving you and Derek alone. 

Yawning as you continued down the streets you stared up at the darkening sky “This was fun” you commented out loud.

“Yeah it was” Derek agreed as he watched you momentarily, before you stopped, watching a nearby street performer.

Derek looked around, spotting a nearby cafe that you and the others had frequented “Want a hot chocolate or something before they close?”

Following his pointed finger towards the cafe you smile before enthusiastically answering “Yeah”

He chuckled “Cool, I’ll go get some, you hang out here and watch the show” he commented towards the performer.

You smiled at him as he walked away before getting a little closer to the performer. After watching for a few moments you were surprised by a tap on your shoulder and a “Hey”

Turning to look behind you, you were met by a tall man who was smiling at you “Uh, hi? Do I know you?” you questioned, curious as to why he would approach you at all.

“No, no, I just saw you watching the performance, and thought you were cute. I thought I’d say hi” he leaned down slightly as he spoke, making you lean back slightly, as you felt your discomfort grow. 

“Well that’s nice of you” you smiled politely.

His grin grew as he continued “So, you wanna go get a drink or something?”

“Oh, sorry no, uh, I’m here with someone, he just went to go get me a drink actually” you replied honestly.

“Oh yeah, who is he? Your boyfriend?”

“Yeah actually, I am” 

You and the man turned at the same time to see Derek approaching, two drinks in his hand as he stopped next to you, glaring at the man suspiciously “And who are you?”

The man was clearly caught off guard and intimidated by Derek, he stuttered out “Oh, no don’t worry dude, I’m no one” he chuckled nervously before backing up “Enjoy your night”

“Yeah, you too” Derek said emotionless before turning fully towards you “Are you alright?” 

You nodded “Yeah I’m alright, thanks” you smiled at him, taking the drink from him as he handed it too you. 

“No problem” Derek looked off towards the direction the man went making sure he was gone “What did he want anyway?” 

“He told me I was cute and then asked if I wanted to get a drink, that was when I said I was here with someone, how did you know he was referring to you anyways? When he asked if you were my boyfriend, and also, why did you say you were?” 

“I heard you say you were here with someone, and then I heard him. And I said I was your boyfriend because I knew it would intimidate him more than thinking I was just your friend. I’m sorry if that bothered you”

“Oh, no it didn’t” you said quickly “I appreciated it” you smiled.

He returned the smile “I will pretend to be your boyfriend anytime you need”

“Thanks, I’d like that” you laughed, amused

“Unless you don’t want me to pretend, I’d be okay with that too” he commented smoothly before putting out his arm for you to take. 

You looked at his arm and then his eyes before you smiled lightly and linked your arm into his “I’d like that too actually”

“Good. Me too” he smiled as you continued your walk.

Sherlock:

I ship you with Sherlock himself. I think he would notice your intelligence. And though he also agrees that you are not a genius, he does admit, and tell you, that you are smarter than many people he has had to deal with and that you are a breath of fresh air sometimes. Especially since you actually help in on cases, unlike some people *cough* Anderson *cough*. And even though he is not the best at understanding anxiety sometimes, he does try to help you in his own way. Whether that be setting tea and biscuits outside of your room when you shut yourself away to relax, or playing you soothing music on his violin.

Prompt 12: First ‘I love you’

After a stressful day involving some not-so nice people, you needed to relax. So after shutting yourself away in your room you worked on some unfinished art, trying your best to not look back on the days events. 

Sherlock sat in his chair, trying to decide if he should go talk to you or not, if he should apologize now or later. Because he did need to apologize. He had gone off on a tangent earlier, getting you involved in a case, and causing trouble. 

And after you already had a stressful morning, you did not need him snapping at you like he did. He didn’t really mean too, he was angry at himself for doing so.

He didn’t want you to think that he didn’t appreciate everything you do to help him. Or that he doesn’t want to be with you. Hell, he was ecstatic when you moved into the apartment with him after John left to live with Mary. Though he didn’t really show it. Finally deciding he needed to apologize now, he rose from his chair and made his way to your room. 

You sat on the bed in silence before hearing a knock at the door. Looking up, you expected the door to swing open, but instead you heard another gentle knock. “Who is it?”

“Sherlock” he said gently.

You squinted in confusion, you figured it was him when he knocked, but he usually knocks and then comes in immediatley. He must still think you were mad at him. You were a little annoyed still, but you had gotten over it. You were still stressed from other events however.

“What do you need Sherlock?” you questioned.

A moment of silence passed before he spoke again “I wanted to apologize”

You were slightly shocked at this. He almost never apologizes, at least not verbally. “About?” you questioned, wondering how far he’d go.

You heard him sigh from the other side of the door “For snapping at you. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, I knew you had been having a stressful day, and that you didn’t deserve me to make it worse. I don’t want you to be angry with me” 

“You’ve never really cared before if I was angry, so why now?”

A moment of silence passed before you heard his voice, even quieter than it was before “Because I’ve realized something recently” 

You waited for him to continue but heard nothing, you rolled your eyes “And that would be??”

“That I love you” his voice was quiet, but you heard his words like a gunshot.

You stared at the door in shock for a moment before you rose and walked quietly to the door, pulling it open.

Sherlock stood on the other side, his face cautious as he observed yours. Shock, confusion, doubt, happiness.

“You love me?” you asked

He nodded lightly “Yes. I love you”

You stared at him for a moment, trying to process his words, wondering if he truly did mean them. Part of you knew he did. And that was the part you were going to listen too.

Quickly pulling Sherlock into a hug, he slowly wrapped his own arms around you as he felt your quickened heartbeat. “I forgive you Sherlock. And I love you too”

[frobin]

hi, i'm a shy person but to answer your question about how to get more notes on twitter (based from your twitter post), variety of posts and consistency is key. i took a class about electronic media and got some notes about it. feel free to look up about the timing of social media posting too, there's (sometimes) free guides about it on pinterest and reddit. good luck on your goals!

Hey there fellow shy person! 

(for everyone not on twitter, I’ll add screenshots at the end of the post) 

Thank you very much for your words and your tips! I really mean it, so I’m sorry for using your really nice ask to explain myself a bit... Why I even asked those questions. 

I’ll put it under the read-more: 

I try to be consistent (as much as it’s possible) and I try to vary the posts... on the other hand I rarely post my own content because part of the purpose for the twitter (and also this blog) is to collect FRobin posts and to share them with other FRobin fans and to created places to find that content easily. 

That is something I do for almost two years now on Twitter. After one year I had the 100 followers and did a giveaway. To be completely honest I didn’t think I’d gather many more. I really thought I had found them all.

Now after almost two years we’re nearly at 300 followers... Which is amazing. 

Back to consistency, I try not to be inactive for long periods of time... maybe one or two days when RL is too distracting... So there is a flow of FRobin content... it’s not ideal but it is working. Also it’s not a professional Twitter after all. It’s just for fun. 

Anyway, in the beginning I really never worried about the small following. I am used to FRobin fans in particular to be shy (so you’re in very good company, dear anon) that showed through the fact, that the FRobin events rarely had any participation, that not much new fanart or fanfiction appeared within the years. The last few events had maybe a hand full of people participate. This year we had a different situation. We had almost 30 contributions!! 

Compared to other ships and event weeks that is not a lot... but believe me, that is a lot compared to other FRobin events (after 2014 - back then was a first high of the FRobin fandom 2013-2014, caused by BNFs (Big Name Fans)) it is! 

With other words: I always felt like that FRobin fans are there but do not participate in the fandom. Which is fine. Lurking is absolutely fine because it’s hard to write and draw and to step forward, especially since FRobin had gotten a lot of backslash back then (and today) and/or was considered a rare-pair so getting feedback was also rare. 

That suddenly changed in 2020 when two important things happened in the Manga. 

The release of Chapter 979 and 

Colourspread of Chapter 987. 

What really surprised me was how many people stepped forward after “FRobin became canon” in May and August 2020 and started to talk about FRobin. And I’m thinking about people who are internet famous for various reasons not only in the OP fandom but also - again - BNFs that are now associated with FRobin. But it means more content is created and more people claim to be FRobin fans and it is actually nice! We have a FRobin renaissance right now! 

So, I hope it’s understandable how weird it was to me how many people said they actually shipped FRobin even before that moment. Again that is fine. There is no need to be active and to create if you like a ship, but at the same time I couldn’t help myself and wonder “Where have you been while I tried my best to keep everything running? To keep it alive?” (mind you why I call myself a janitor). Like, back in the day I knew all the usernames of people who were creating content, recognizing their style (that is not possible right now, which again is a good thing).  

Then, not everyone is so focused on one single ship (I do ship others but FRobin will for ever be my absolute one OTP to rule them all). 

Anyway what recently made me (again) consider that I might just be bad as Social Media ist the fact that the twitter account FRobinDaily who is posting FRobin pics once per day, got 1000 followers in less than a month. 

And the postings are not tagged. It’s just the pictures. 

How is that possible? My guess, the owner of the account has over 6k of followers on their main account and an amazing art style, which is probably how they got so many followers. They worked hard for it!  

Compared I do have a meager 300 followers on my private account and an average art style at best (ngl I love my art. but I don’t think the style and the motifs hit a mainstream taste) Additionally I try to keep the accounts a bit separated, creating a fake-anonymity. 

(Fake because many people who are active in the fandom, do know who I am. But I always feel like that it would hurt more than help to make it clear. It’s a feeling I just can’t completely shake. Kind of an imposter syndrome.)

Another point that tells me that I’m just bad at Social Media is that other people say that it’s easy to get “clout” with Frobin tweets. That many do like and  react to FRobin tweets... and I don’t understand because that has never been my experience. Not once in all the years. 

Having a specialized Twitter with people following that look for exactly that content, how come that 20 likes is a lot? Is it really because of the time at which I post? Is it because I share more of other peoples tweets than my own? Do I share the wrong kind of content for the people to enjoy? Is it not mine but Twitters fault? Maybe the active FRobin fandom is already declining again? Maybe FRobin still is and forever will be nothing more than a adorable side-ship? 

Who knows? 

I really went here on a tangent and I’m sorry for that but I wanted to show some of the story that made me once more question my own capability and in the end makes it impossible to find answers. 

I can’t even compare notes because the only Fandom I have ever been that involved is FRobin. 

In the end, all I can do is continue, forgetting about numbers and just enjoy the interactions I do get.

But sometimes it’s just hard to remind myself. I’ll get over it though but from time to time, you people just have to suffer through my self-doubts. And I’m sorry about that. 

If you’ve come this far, thank you very much. If you feel worry now, thank you once more but there is no need. I’m absolutely fine. But I wouldn’t mind some FRobin or One Piece commentary or asks ;)

Here are the tweets: 

okay, someone please tell me what I need to do to get 200 notes on a #FRobin post? Here must be something I'm doing wrong... Do I need to post pictures? Gifs? Giveaways? I already tried all that? Twitter is weird... #fandom #OnePiece

I probably have to start fandom wank instead of trying to diffuse it... that it... right? But that is against my nature. ',:^/

On the other hand I like to call myself "the janitor of the #FRobin fandom" never the "CEO of the FRobin fandom" because I don't want to be a CEO. Janitors are way more important but also not exactly "seen". They are just there to clean up a mess and make everything run smoothly.