#sorry that got away from me. normal now.
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me and ridi are like if 2 guys can talk about the same thing for four hours straight and then. still have more to say on it
#we’re so 2 old guys on a pier coded it’s true#i can see us with our tiny hats (me green ridi blue) and our fishing poles (no bait attached bc we dk how to fish it’s all about motifs) jus#t chatting away. and then maybe we’ll go quiet for a little and ridi will silently point at a pigeon and i’ll hum and smile like yes i see..#sorry that got away from me. normal now.#ridi tag
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what is the theory that ivan manipulated the event where till and mizi met the wagyein?
It's not a theory, actually! It's confirmed that Ivan orchestrated the whole event. The true reason as to why however is still unknown. The information provides more context to this scene, though:
During the earlier times of ALNST the most rational explanation for this scene was that Till ran after a flower crown (presumably Mizi's) and Ivan followed him in out of curiosity. Now we know that Ivan was conveniently just standing there because he was waiting.
Side note, I find it heartbreaking (and maybe a little funny, sorry) that Till most likely didn't notice Ivan in this scene. That's just like him, isn't it. Always too busy running after Mizi while Ivan trails behind, an ever-present shadow.
I'm not sure how Ivan manipulated the circumstances for both of them to end up there, but it is confirmed that everything was intentional. What strikes me most is how they describe this particular scene:
I can't copy down what they said word-for-word (Patreon info), but they described Ivan watching "creepily" as Till and Mizi are faced with danger. We know that Ivan was familiar with the Cerberus wagyein beforehand, enough to touch its teeth and even to rest himself inside its maw. To Ivan, the wagyein is not dangerous, but to Till and Mizi, it could be. Ivan prepared the wagyein, led them there, and watched "creepily" from afar as Till fell on his knees, seemingly injured.
The closest I can get to making sense of Ivan's "scheme" is that he wanted to see how other children would react in a dangerous situation. Ivan's always been an observer, after all, and he's learned to survive by copying the more "normal" behaviors of his peers. This situation occured when Ivan was still young and had not yet developed his more charming mask, so perhaps he staged this encounter to study a situational response, to learn and mimic the emotion of fear. And what better subjects for the experiment than two of the most expressive and reactive humans of their batch? It helps that he was already fixated on Till beforehand, too. I think Ivan became irreversibly obssessed after this incident, especially since it's framed as a turning point in Ivan's life, comparing Till to the stars.
This is just my attempt at an interpretation, though. It could very well be for another reason. He most likely chose Till and Mizi specifically for personal reasons, not just for reaction. I'm still not sure on the purpose behind the whole thing.
The team wanted to capture Ivan's "dark emotions" through the shot of his stalking, which could relate to his more sinister intentions. His gaze can be read in a few different ways, though. Curiosity, interest, fear, etc. Maybe that's why they decided to redraw the shot in ROUND 6.
I think this better sells the feeling they were trying to convey.
#ivan u fucked up little guy.#also okay i just wanna clear this up#i know i make a lot of posts about ivans darker side and his more problematic traits#but this isn't me trying to villainize him or reduce him down to “toxic yaoi”#I HOPE YOU GUYS KNOW ALL MY TOXIC YAOI POSTS ARE LIGHTHEARTED.#i just want to clarify that ivan was always intended to be a darker and complicated character. even since his debut in round 3#the way i refer to ivan (“twisted” “creepy” “obssessive” etc) are literally the direct words used by q and v themselves to describe him#but despite that id like to emphasize that i don't see ivan as a villain or a completely bad person. hes complicated#there is no normalcy in this world they are living in. none of the characters know what being truly normal is#this isn't me condoning his actions#but it has to be acknowledged that alnst is fucked up in nature. we can't expect perfect relationships from people who are born to die#plus ivan has a lot more layers past the “dark” parts. he's constantly battling himself and his desires#especially at the end of round 6 where he performs a myriad of conflicting actions (kiss strangle peck smile)#thanks to the r6 production notes we now know that ivan was going through a rapid internal conflict#“sure and unsure at the same time”#there is sooo much to ivan. his low self-esteem. his desire and possessiveness despite knowing till will never love him#his VEHEMENT insistence that till will never love him vs his desperate persistence in trying anyway#uh i need to shut up i think#anyways sorry. just wanted to clarify my thoughts on him in case people think im. yk.#in short. hes a fucked up little freak and he fascinates me. this poor tragic child. i love him.#SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY#alnst#alien stage#alien stage ivan#alnst ivan#asks
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lawrence forcing adam to sit down with his cane, pressing it against adam’s chest until he’s falling back into a chair .. adam teasing lawrence during a jigsaw surgery, asking what he’d do to him if he was on the table, carrying it on into the evening until lawrence pushes him into the chair, cane in hand and starts talking about how he’d open adam up, what he’d do, how long lawrence could keep him alive until adam’s squirming in his seat, not even thinking about how easily he could push the cane that has him pinned in place away because him and lawrence both know he’s not going anywhere, adam staring at the way lawrence’s hand grips his cane, the way his fingers look wrapped around it, touching his own neck and deciding he needs to know what those fingers would feel like around his throat, lawrence sitting at his desk, ignoring adam’s desperate attempts at getting attention, trying to focus on some paperwork but eventually snapping when adam drops to his knees with a c’mon lawrence, shoving his cane between adam’s legs and telling adam that if he’s going to act like a dog. well ..
#getting freaky w it yippee#sorry cardigan lawrence w his cane does something absolutely horrendous to my brain every time. twirling hair kicking feet !#now this got away from me nd i blame adam entirely#t shirt that says im soooo normal im soo normal nd can be trusted w lawrence gordon#chainshipping#📹
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unfortunately the percy jackson show means percy jackson discourse which means i once more have to see dogshit takes about rachel elizabeth dare, who did literally nothing except have a relationship with a boy she liked for a couple months, but the freaks are at it again because there's no worse crime in the world than being a girl getting in the way of a ship for a nanosecond
#personal#if i am not defending rachel elizabeth dare from freaks it's because i'm dead#'a greedy and ungenerous soul' she was fifteen???? calm down????#why are you at your big age talking like that about a literal child??????#like sorry that annabeth was incapable of opening her mouth about her crush and someone else happened to be more verbose#that ain't rachel's fault#if annabeth didn't want percy dating she should have communicated better that's not anyone else's problem#rachel and percy liked each other so they went out and then they ended the relationship like that's so normal#and from a doylist perspective it's painfully obvious rachel was there as a lil bump in the road before percy and annabeth got together#so why are you getting bent out of shape about it she was never a threat#and if you shouldn't be pissy about it now anyway when they've been together for like multiple series at this point#and are gonna get together in the show too#like goddamn i'm two steps away from going full percabeth anti just because people can't be normal about rachel for some reason#and i LIKE percabeth#honestly i don't know why twitter feels the need to show me fandom takes they're never good no matter which fandom it is
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tori sitting on the stairs is so. the lighting in heartstopper is awesome big fan of the blue/orange. is tori also depressed in the show i still think it would be so fucking funny to offhandedly mention her school burning down
#whisp whispers#charlie is the focus here yeah but if micheal gets introduced it does mean that solitaire is relevant#meaning 'toris school got set on fire bc some guy was that obsessed with her' and 'tori tried to kill herself' is like. possibly canon#and i think it's SO funny that there is a very large chance that all that Happened and just isn't being acknowledged#noooo charlie don't kill yourself ur so awesome&cool haha.... uh. oh hi tori. you can like. die i guess idk. not gonna stop you#like it really is just brushed past entirely in the comics. which is sad but also extremely funny like. conceptually. my older sister#almost killed herself in a state of mania. oh well. she has a boyfriend now though so that's cool!!!#<-well. depression i guess. some mixed of sleep deprivation mania and also just normal depression. she's awesome#i hope the ferris wheel coming out scene gets adapted. please please please please please. please. if that scene gets changed#because isaac came out first i'm going to .do nothing probably. but mann. man. tori spring 'im asexual' scene please. please. please.....#these tags are not relevant to the post anymore really. sorry for heartstopper posting my irl i usually talk abt oseman to hasnt seen it yet#um. circling back to my original point. if her depression is canon how do you think she feels sitting there knowing she can't get help#bc the resources need to go to her brother and she can't draw attention away from him. tori's tumblr makes an appearance also that was#scary. what do you mean tumblr is on tv in the year of our lord 2024. hello? .anyways brought it up because#'anon asked: who's ur best friend? / probably my brother. sad.'#man. she's so awesome. me if i was cool and british and a girl and had a brother and also if my school burnt down
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This guy nearly beat me with a stick today (it's ok though honestly not a big deal), but on the bright side it was probably fuelled by regular annoyingness or homophobia; and not transphobia (guy called me 'he') so a win is a win
#lol it sounds worse than it is he just swatted the stick right in front of me but was too pussy to actually hit me#i just walked away (then ran from around the corner) to the station and i had friends there#including a guy who looks pretty intimidating - i was wary of speaking with him at first - who walked toward them when i told him#they just said sorry sorry and ran off#it really sounds worse than it is#and im gonna profit off this situation idc im gonna use it to further my social connections. because i am a genius that way#i was a bit shaken up earlier but it's cool now i saw my friends and got chicken -- something i wouldn't have done normally so yay#profiting off some dumbassery
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so what that i slept in for the exam. my voice teacher just called to talk about yesterdays concert and said some truly insane shit that made me cry again (but like. in a good way lol) so who even gives a shit lol
#she can singlehandedly fix me#she said so many insanely beautiful things. about ME. i am still reeling from it.#also she said we 'clearly have the exact same vision when it comes to this aria' and im sooooo normal about it uwu#yes queen ill be your little bitch ill sing it exactly as you want it (except i WILL use chest voice sorry thats not optional)#anyway i hate this because see this is what my brain does now. i got so many insane compliments that now all i can think about is#“when will i lose it”. now im gonna live in fear that one day ill wake up and ill forget how to act.#that i will suddenly just lose all my idk stage presence and all my musicality. because i just cant have nice things#and i cant have things to actually be. if not exactly proud of. then at least happy about. im not allowed.#the moment i let myself believe it and truly appreciate and value myself and consider myself objectively good at something - ill lose it all#or rather - it shall be taken away from me to teach me a lesson. see for a person who doesnt believe in god#i sure do live in a constant conviction that he's just waiting for the opportune moment to lure me into a fake sense of safety and happiness#just to snatch it away at the peak of it if only to prove to me that i dont get to have nice things and i shouldnt dare to even want them#gotta love being normal
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[VINGT-ET-UN]
"I'll stand." Robin speaks with a steady tone, though her left wing twitches. She learned how to play Blackjack so long ago yet still chooses to keep things safe. In gambling? Seriously? 15 is a mediocre hand to play but she'd rather not risk busting��shall our all-or-nothing dealer capitalize on this?
IN BLACKJACK, HE PARTICULARLY ENJOYS the role of the ' dealer '. the player——he plays that in every game ; he's always played that. in that seat, there's freedom, there's choice, there's safety and self-determination. so by all accounts, it suits the likes of miss robin well.
she declares stand, and he smiles: thin-lipped, charming, crepuscular. the low bar lights gleam off the rim of rose-tinted shades the way they might off serpents' scales. his first card was a black six just like them too.
"my turn, then."
in the dealer's seat, he is bound and chained. a throttled doll, blood and veins to motion performed through and beyond him, a metaphor for lever and pulley. the strings of something most people call fate but which he knows is so, so much more arbitrary than that guides from the backs of his hands, and its threads are woven brilliant with color, blues, purples, golds, and pinks, hypnotic——downright erotic——in the beauty of their strangling end.
the second card is a black ten.
he thinks it's interesting that miss robin had opted to bank entirely on the chance of him busting, rather than playing up to seventeen. it might look too cautious to most, even a fool's play. but more than that to aventurine, it's bold, predatory, tightens those strings drawing stitches from his arms to the velvet rests in old scripture spelling out D-E-A-L-E-R. he enjoys it. he draws another card because he has to.
in the dealer's seat, there is no choice. no safety. no self-determination. by all accounts, it suits the likes of someone like him.
"i'll commend you for playing against me, miss robin. i don't usually find anyone who'll take me up on games of chance these days."
"maybe my reputation precedes me. it's a feeling we both share, isn't it."
those strings, they are his lifeline. those colors, his yesterday and tomorrow——vernal and beautiful, shedding endless chances at rebirth for the false soul, naked every time, pared down to its very core to dangle, perched on this very precipice. coming back to it again and again.
there really isn't much thrill to be found in an ordinary game of blackjack.
"a toast, to whatever happens here."
but sometimes, even the cheap wonders will do.
he turns over the third card: a red. . .
#◟〈 ♠ 〉 robin ━━ 🇨🇭🇦🇷🇦🇨🇹🇪🇷﹒#hopetune#GHOverture2024#i made the mistake of neglecting him too long and now he's.....#sorry this got so away from me LAKSJASKGA#I PROMISE HE'S NORMAL. WELL ADJUSTED.... he's not
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Me panicking because i have 9 missed calls and 5 emails talking about my absence and how "a colleague could take over for me" vs. Me knowing it's really not that important no matter how pushy a client is and that on top of it I'm underpaid and have way to much overtime so i shouldn't even care
#i have 14 hours overtime#collected within 2 weeks lol#you know how it's apparently mandatory for companies in germany to have a way track employees working time? yeah we're#the only company in the whole fucking country who doesn't do that (obviously that's not true there's probably plenty more but it's#still not right.) so we don't get paid overtime nor does it get acknowledged in any way#so technically we're not allowed to even it out (which most people try to do anyway because tf do they think they are asking us to work for#free) but I'm dedicated to not collect any more unpaid working hours so i take the liberty to leave work early this week#so today i left at 12pm (and then got home 4 hours later because another person decided to kill themselves by train. they should call me#first. or anyone else taking the train. I'm sure there'd be plenty of volunteers to do the killing if it means not another miserable day#stuck in a disgusting train). and i logged in again at 6pm today to see if i have anything important messages (stupid i know)#and i saw the missed calls and that there had been an email exchange with me in the cc talking about the 'changes' made in one of the#articles and that someone else could do that for me since i couldn't be reached and at first i felt ashamed and scared#but now it's honestly just pissing me off. that asshole can't write emails and communicate requests like normal people can he#he already called me last week about something completely stupid and acts like his matters are the most important shit in the world#fuck you if you can't wait one day you should have sent this a month earlier because i won't stay online everyday#just to see if there might be an 'important' change you want me to make Immediately. bitch.#also missed two calls from my colleague but she didn't send any messages about what she wanted so i asked her because i felt bad for not#being online and turns out she wanted Nothing. just hear how i was. JUST TEXT ME THEN???? I HATE IT HERE FUCK YOU#seriously i don't get paid enough for this to bother me so much. she probably gets 12-15€ more than me per hour#of course she doesn't care about her overtime as much as i do. i get minimum wage which is less than what I'd get if i still worked at uni#as a student assistant so fuck this shit it's really not important or worth it. from now on i'll only put in minimum effort too#sorry got carried away. rant over now i guess#void screams#work stuff
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hate when i vent abt my pain and ppl tell me "everyone has stomach aches, it's normal" okay but are their pains bad enough to make them cry or unable to stand..... at least once a week...... bc i think that if this was normal society might've collapsed by now. but what do i know
#at least I'm on the way to get another test to see if it really is crohn's or not :')#my other tests came out negative but the last doctor i saw said it's worth checking again :')#bc. he claims. you're never gonna guess it. these pains are NOT normal ✨️ who could've thought!#sorry for the bitterness. as you may be able to infer from this i am in severe pain and having a hard time standing up or moving at all#btw through this doctor i went to i found out i actually had internal inflammation back in 2018 too and i was just. never told abt it.#like i was in the hospital and they ran a test but bc it was for smth else they didn't think to point it out??#why do i have to learn 5 years later that i had smth wrong with me that probably got worse with time and that's why I'm like that now 😭😭😭#(i wanna apply good faith to this. they probably thought it was a result of my other stomach issues so it'll pass once they do.#but like. if it really didn't go away and in fact got worse with time. i feel like i have the right to blame them yknow?)#vent#possibly a tmi one idk ajskflglh#sorry. i am very tired
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oh my WORD the SAGA
#also Instagram users shut the heck up I'm not.. commenting on that screenshot but what is some people's problem#AREN'T YOU TIRED OF GOING APESHIT DON'T YOU JUST WANNA BE NICE?????#sorry that's just. what I've got rn#get away from himmmmm I'm like 20 I don't need to be feeling protective over a guy my parent's age smh#ok vagueblogging time over back to normal now#I logged on went through one person's blog and speedrun the entire thing in less than 5 minutes this is genuinely hilarious to me
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𝟐𝟎𝟎 𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐌 𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 | FREYA ( @founderscouncil ) SAID : ❛ i won’t let anyone hurt you. ❜
“I can take care of myself, thanks.” It’s dismissive and too defensive but, while she’s used to the notion coming from Elijah and Bex and even Nik, in his own ‘you are all fools so I’m the only one who can protect you’ way, Freya’s intensity unnerves her. It’s not easy to see her as this big sister – not when, by the time Leah was born, her existence wasn’t spoken of anymore. She only heard her name whispered when she got so bad they were sure she wouldn’t make it through the night, that she would share the firstborn’s fate.
In a way, she did. They are both standing here now, a thousand years later, alive out of spite and a lot of messed up magic.
The emotions that claw their way into her dead cold heart aren’t welcomed either. “You, on the other hand, are in a desperate need of a hobby.” Flippantly, Leah snatches her magic book away and dances to the other side of the room. “And no, cleaning after Nik’s mess of the week doesn’t count. Have you tried LEGO yet? Karate? I could take you bungee jumping off some nice cliff or get us lost in the middle of a desert.” Which would involve spending way more time with her than she’d like but it’s for a good cause.
#founderscouncil#in character >> i will not be satisfied with the bit of cake you offer me if i promise to be a good little girl#founderscouncil >> freya#founderscouncil >> 001#// so ... this got away from me oops //#// but i just! realized! they thought freya was dead and that leah wouldn't make it to her twenties //#// and look at them now //#// also sorry freya leah does not deal with emotions like a normal person //
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except that im mentally dead, i’m good
#i know its my concerta crash 80% but man being outside of my comfortzone for hours#does things to me too. like clockwork the mental exhaustion hits at 15 and its like someone pulled the plug#brain stopped working properly sorry only simple words used for me now i cant process#i got praise at work today tho so that made me feel too happy....#its deppressing how happy i am to hear anything encouraging or someone saying i do good#not hearing any of that growing up just made it something so major for me now#i'm going to be so fucking dead friday tho. hate how much energy goes away from me even if i just do small things#i know its my brain and how it works......... but my god...... i'd like an 'full energy battery' thats not normal peoples like 50%#cant tell if its my period thus my hormones speaking or if im in an episode#i think im just so fucking lonely haha....... i always feel that way but since moving on my own its bad#and the last moth its been worse too.... idk man. medication making me feel fine but also im like (: i need love and closeness#doesnt help that all my fave people have been away for diffrent reasons so i just feel lonely#not that im helping the matter bc im not contacting or telling anyone bc that would be out of line and bad so im just#here as usual i suppose? can still not get passed the idea that i exsist outside others needs for me#stuck in the mindset of always having to put others first and do whatever they want and idk how to start. im already an#big enough problem for people i dont want to make it worse for anyone dealing with me#miranda talking shit#negative#???
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im going to commit a violence
#my mom has covid and she’s had covid for like a week now and i just texted her asking how she was doing and she said she still doesnt feel#well and her chest has been hurting. she said she tried to go to her doctor but when she said she had chest pain her doctor told her to go#to the hospital. naturally she’s not doing that and said she’s just going to ‘wait until it goes away’#and then she said she would see me saturday for my brother’s birthday dinner which we were planning to have in a public restaurant. so if#my mom is planning on showing up to a public restaurant still sick with covid then i am not going to fucking be there like sorry to my#brother but we can hang out another time. anyway i am just so fucking pissed off that ppl treat covid like this#last weekend my mom considered bringing my sister with multiple health issues home from her group home for the weekend like normal. except#she fucking has covid. and she was still thinking of doing this#like why would you fucking do that what if my sister got covid what if she brought it back to the entire group home of individuals with#health complications#she didnt actually bring her home but its the same principle going into a public space. what about the people there will health issues or#who have relatives and friends with health issues#im going to call my brother and tell him im not going if our mom is and i told our sister about it too so im sure my mom will get pissy at#me about it but i’d rather deal with her being irritating than having covid so#sam speaks
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bough
#I hate spiraling#I managed to stop before it got worse but now I’m just still in a state from the spiraling and I’m just. I’m so tired of thinking I’m dying#everyday it’s so exhausting and the fear is never ending and the worry that maybe I am really dying and I have no idea bc I’m scared to go#to the doctor and then it’s my fault I waited so long etc. and then it’s like if I am what have I even done with my life? what is there to#be proud of or look at and feel fulfilled? atp in my life I have wasted my life I’ve done nothing and I’m rotting away and it’s like if I#found out I was dying it’s like that’s all I got I wasted so much time etc. and I’m just spiraling out tonight man it sucks I hate this I#hate my brain I just want to be fucking normal and not be scared everyday that I’m genuinely dying and it’s my fault and that I’m wasting my#life away not doing so many things I wanted to and like you think well jay shouldn’t that encourage you to live life to the fullest of your#ability? and yeah I’d love to but then my head just thinks all those things again and the cycle repeats and I just am so terrified as soon#as something in my body hurts or something is off etc. because my immediate thought is just its fucking over man and I’m too scared to go#to the doctor about things and I’m just repeating shit now I’m sorry if anyone Ben reads this far I’m obviously having a night#I’m just talking to the wall with this post but it helps me calm down a little I guess#god I need a therapist I stopped looking but I think it’s time I get back on that and quick because I really don’t think I can keep living#this way anymore it is so genuinely exhausting and I dont know how to help myself with it#sorry if anyone gets a peek at this actually. I obviously need help and this is just an outlet for me rn ig
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Starfire teen titans my best friend Starfire id burn alive for you
#the klock keeps ticking#cant remember shit about the show like the story arcs and shit#cuz i watched this show when i was like 16 and had trouble paying attention to anything at all#but decided i was gonna watch a few episodes for shits and i watched the apprentice episodes#hnnnghh it fucking ruled this show is awesome#like i truly cannot remember anything about slade like what his deal was what his motives are but god hes so good in this episode#hes creepy as fuck and like its just really satisfying how competent he is for a kids show villain#like he planted the evil torture devices in the gangs blood and he doesnt hesitate at all to push that button#i was expecting it to be like robin simply never fucked up bad enough to trigger the torture shit#or maybe like its revealed that it was all a lie to mess with him#but nah straight up robin hesitates to fucking shoot his friends and slade just instantly pushes the button and makes robin watch#AND THEN BLAMES HIM SAYING HOW THIS ALL HAPPENED CUZ HE DIDNT OBEY#and then the fucking part where slade is like ‘i was monitoring your endorphin levels i could tell you got excited when you stole’#DUUUUUDE#thats everything to me#and i like how the episode ends its very nice but initially i thought the blood torture devices were like bombs and that pushing the button#would mean instant death for the gang and like. okay imagine what i was cooking here#a controller for that would obviously have some sorta fail safe measure where if its destroyed the bombs go off so like you cant destroy it#and lets just say they didnt have a plot convenient way to remove the torture devices from the blood cuz that sounds kinda impossible tbh#what if like. the conclusion was robin obtains the controller so that he can take away slades power and leave him#but now hes just got the controller and he has this constant anxiety like what if he doesnt watch it and it goes off#what if the controller gets stolen or worse like. robin is in this position where he holds his friends lives in his hands#just like slade did. an evil reminder that he really is no different from slade what if he cant stop himself from pushing the button?#the episode ends with everything back to normal but then we see robin alone unsure with the controller locked away#and its just this looming presence for like the rest of the show or at least until slade is defeated and like robin has severe anxiety#over it he has nightmares of himself pushing the button he constantly double checks to make sure the controller is still there untouched#IMAGINE IMAGINE GUYS godddd i like need this fic now#sorry i got so caught up gushing about robin and this episode that i didnt even mention starfire aldkks i thinks shes adorable and autistic#and i would do anything for her and she and Robin are so cute i love them so much
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