#sorry people don’t like. want to hear about someone’s abusive parents or whatever on a post about how their

[romance-incubomp3]

god it is so annoying that any time someone makes a post along the lines of “hey maybe don’t graphically traumadump on an internet stranger’s post about something nice and positive” there’s people who are like “um well I guess you just want to silence traumatized people therapy isn’t free you know they need somewhere to vent so just smile and put up with it:) let people cope:)” SHUT UP SHUT UP!!

[jeankluv]

Birdie - Satoru Gojo | Chapter 09

Words: 4,3K

Summary: You didn't like him, at all. But due to your bad luck you would have to be forced to work with him and different circumstances end up leading you to the fact that perhaps the word dislike is not the one you would use to describe him.

ac: _3aem

Tags: modern au, college au, fem!reader, academic rivals, he fell first, fluff, old money Gojo Satoru, abusive parents, slight slow burn, Satoru is a softy, secondary couple (Geto Suguru x oc), a bit of angst, no use of y/n, eventual smut, Gojo plays basketball

Notes: we are getting into business with this new chapter. I haven’t written almost anything during the whole week, I was busy studying but hopefully I can finish the chapter I was writing and start with the new one. I’m so excited for all of you to read the next few chapters.

Before you read the chapter: i know this post will be seen by a lot of people and I wanted to share this gofoundme link, she is my moot on twt, her name is Noor and she is trying to evacuate her and her family from Gaza and she is still trying to raise money. I know not everyone can donate but if you can rt and share it’s very useful. Thank you ❤️

materialist | previous chapter | next chapter

Pinteres board || Birdie playlist || ao3

“Fuck me.”

You opened your eyes in surprise after hearing your best friend’s words.

“Sorry.” She covered her mouth. “But Jesus! You look so freaking hot.” She looked up and down several times.

“You think so?” You looked at yourself back in the mirror.

Kyoko nodded. “That red dress looks breathtaking on you. And your breasts look just so good with it and please tell me you are wearing the high boots.” She said looking around, searching for your boots.

“Yes.” You smiled.

“My femme fatale girl.” She joked. “Girl, I’m afraid I might come back home alone.” She cried.

“Pfff.” You rolled your eyes. “I’m not the one who has a boyfriend, you are!” You pointed at her. “I will probably be the one coming back home alone because you will be too busy with your lovely boyfriend.”

“C’mon girl, when was the last time you hooked up with someone, just anyone.” Kyoko said while stealing one of your lipsticks.

You felt silent, trying to think when was the last time you hooked up with someone. Last year’s New Year’s party? No you were working at the bar, so was two years ago with that guy?

“Oh god!” Kyoko gasped. “You don’t even remember it!”

“Shut up!” You took away your lipstick. “I was busy working and studying. I couldn’t go parting.”

“That’s why.” She positioned herself behind you. “Tonight, you will hooked up with someone.”

“Kyoko…”

“C’mon! The entire basketball team will be there.” She winked at you. “Satoru will be there.” She dropped it.

You tried to ignore the growing feeling on your chest. “And what about it?” You said with no emotion on your voice.

“What? You are going to tell me, that now you don’t dislike him, you haven’t imagine yourself hooking up with him.”

You rolled your eyes and shook your head. “No I haven’t.” That idea hasn’t crossed your mind. Yet.

“Whatever, but there are a lot of hot guys in the team. But the hottest is already taken and it’s mine.” She joked. “Oh…” She gasped. “Probably the hot guy, the one you used to crush on, the one with the face tattoo and piercings will be there, he is also part of the basketball.”

“That was back when we were in our first year.” You snorted. “And besides, I think he has a girlfriend.”

Kyoko grimaced and sat on your bed while you finished making the final arrangements. You had to say it, you looked hot tonight.

At first you were doubtful about going out, because you didn’t feel like it. But you were young, you were having an extra free day and you nailed your exam, although you still didn’t know your score. But it was going to be good.

You turned around and looked at your best friend with a huge smile on your face.

“Ready?”

“Absolutely!” She screamed and held your arm.

Exiting your room, you exchanged polite farewells with Kyoko's parents before stepping out into the cool night air. There, standing by the front gate, was Suguru, patiently waiting for both of you.

Kyoko let go of your arm, her demeanor shifted, and she moved swiftly into Suguru's awaiting embrace. She leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to his lips.

You couldn't help but feel a pang of loneliness as you watched the intimate moment that they were sharing. You put on a smile and greeted Suguru warmly, acknowledging his presence with a nod. You sat in the back seat, while Kyoko sat next to Suguru in the front seats.

During the trip, the three of you talked about various topics, creating an atmosphere of fluid conversation that never made you feel out of place, as if you were holding the candles.

You couldn't help but notice how Kyoko was watching Suguru with bright eyes and a radiant smile on her face. Seeing her like this only filled your heart with warmth and joy.

In love, reciprocity was comforting, but when only one loved, the result was heartbreaking for those left longing.

Have you experienced love? Maybe, if you could call it that. At fifteen, your understanding of love was as ephemeral as the changes of the seasons, based mainly on the representations of movies, series, and books you found in the library.

At that age, you embarked on a relationship that lasted almost a year with a boy from your town. He was two years older than you, knew much more than you and was more experienced. However, as quickly as it began, what you could feel for him faded, now with the years that had passed, you were aware that for him you had only been a whim and for you he had been an exciting moment at that stage. Dating someone older had sounded exciting, but nothing could be further from the truth.

But life hit you in the face, once again, when you were sixteen years old and the idea of ​​love was pushed aside. The last thing you wanted was to tie yourself to another in the middle of the chaos of your life.

After that relationship you had had one or another, more like attempts at relationships. In fact, when you were in first grade, Kyoko forced you to go on more than one blind date. I wanted to go on a double date one day.

But after breaking up with the prick he stopped insisting and you were never interested again. So the last time you had made out with someone, it had been during the New Year's Eve party two years ago. After that your life had been too hectic to have time.

Suguru parked the car in the crowded parking lot and the three of you stepped out of the vehicle into the bustle of the night. As you adjusted your dress, you looked at the happy couple, Kyoko and Suguru, who were arm in arm, radiating joy.

Kyoko caught your attention and made a playful gesture with her hand, motioning for you to join them in walking hand in hand towards the nightclub. His smile was contagious.

You took a moment to compose yourself, then offered a smile in return, nodding slightly as you closed the distance and linked arms with Kyoko. Then, the three of you headed towards the club where the basketball team had agreed to meet.

“I think I haven’t told you.” Kyoko said to your ear. “Shoko is coming tonight too.”

“For real? That’s great, she is nice.” You smiled. “I just hope you two don’t end up like last time.” Kyoko blushed a little bit.

“It was a one time thing.” She defended herself with a pout.

"Yes, but the one who had to drag your drunk asses around the house was me." You stuck your tongue out at him.

"Shoko and I will make it up to you, we'll invite you." Kyoko said still without erasing the pout from her lips.

"It's the least I hope for." You said jokingly.

“Girls, we are here.” Suguru spoke, moving his head towards the club.

You entered the club, being welcomed by the heat of the place and the music at full volume. Suguru began to greet his teammates, most of them were faces you recognized from the game you had attended, but others were new faces.

“Suguru!!” You heard the voice of the person, who had been embedded in your brain for some time.

He appeared in the crowd, with a smile on his face and a glass in one of his hands. He was wearing a suit, just like that time he showed up at your work, but this one wasn't as elegant, it was more casual. His shirt was unbuttoned, revealing part of his chest.

You wondered if it was his doing to unbutton those buttons or if he had already been having a good time with someone before you arrived. Maybe with that girl from that time.

You turned your head away from where he was and cursed yourself for thinking that.

“Hey Satoru.” Your best friend spoke.

“Oh girls!” He said happily. “You are here too.” You felt him approaching you. Shit.” Hey birdie, you are not going to say hi to me?” You were looking away from him.

You slowly turned to look at him and put on your best smile. “Hi Satoru.”

Satoru stared at you in silence, for longer than you thought he would. You could see his Adam apple moving up and down, as if he was trying to regain composure with that movement.

You smirked to yourself knowing it was the perfect opportunity to tease him. “What Satoru the cat got your tongue?” Placing a hand on your waist you spoke again. “Or I look so hot that you forgot how to speak?”

He closed his mouth, which was slightly opened and a small smile draw on his lips. “Yeah birdie, you look so freaking hot that I forgot how to breathe for a moment.”

Shit.

You should have prepared yourself knowing what Satoru Gojo was like and that he could come up with something like that. But damn, you loved it.

Trying to suppress the restless rise and fall of your pulse and chest, agitated by the impact his words and that hoarse voice had had on you, you forced a smile. You smiled as if it didn't matter, as if her words hadn't unleashed a whirlwind of emotions inside you.

But the reality was very different. Satoru's words had ignited a storm inside you, swirling with a tumultuous mix of feelings that you struggled to contain. Despite your best efforts to appear unaffected, the turmoil it had caused remained beneath the surface, threatening to erupt like a volcano.

You took a deep breath. Would it be that night? The night you'd finally accept something you'd been trying to suppress for weeks? Or would you just let it go and lock it in the deepest drawer?

Satoru Gojo pov

Satoru felt like his legs might give out beneath him, which is why he had held them steady when he saw you.

His gaze first saw his best friend Suguru, then Kyoko, and finally his eyes landed on you. And damn it. The word beautiful was not enough to describe you that night.

Seeing you in that red dress, accentuating every curve of your figure, along with those impressive high boots, took his breath away. Satoru felt helpless in the presence of your beauty, and tonight he knew he would be at his weakest point.

Unbeknownst to you, just like you, Satoru Gojo's insides were a whirlwind of emotions, he was reeling, overwhelmed by the sheer magnetism you exuded. He knew that tonight he would be at your mercy, completely captivated by just your presence.

“You want a drink?” He spoke pointing at the bar behind him.

“Yeah, sure.” You walked besides him. “I though you didn’t drink.”

Satoru looked at his cup. “It’s mainly soda with a bit of alcohol, but only from time to time. I am not a big fan of alcohol.” You nodded and turned to ask for a drink. “It’s good you came.” He got closer so you could hear him.

“And why it’s that?” You smirked, grabbing your straw and taking a small sip. “You would miss me if I didn’t come?”

Yes. But he was unable to say it out loud. “You deserve a break from all the stress.”

“That includes you.” You said teasing him.

“Don’t be bad birdie. I know you love me.” He joked but he secretly longed for it.

“Nah.” You shook your head , you approached his ear to speak to him. “When they called your name and then mine for the project I seriously considered leaving class.” Satoru felt offended by your words, did you hate him that much? “But now my dislike for you has gone from 95% to 35%.”

“A 35%?” He opened his eyes.

“There are times I want to kick your ass so badly.” You shrugged and sipped at the straw again. “You should be glad it went from 95 to 35.”

“Of course it went down, with this face.”

“Now it’s 37%” You said while rolling your eyes.

“Ouch.” He touched his chest as if it hurt his feelings. “Anyways, birdie, let me introduce you to some of our teammates.”

Satoru hesitated for a moment, contemplating whether he should reach out and take your hand. It wouldn't be the first time he did it, but this moment would be different. The last time he held your hand, at the lake, you were on the verge of tears, almost having a panic attack. Now, at this party, you were both having fun.

He looked at your hand and then back at your face, noticing the confused expression as you wondered what he was doing. Gathering all the courage he could muster, Satoru decided to act. He gently took your hand and led you in front of him to where his teammates were gathered.

As he led you through the crowd, Satoru's heart raced with a mix of excitement and nervousness. His hands were sweating and he prayed that you wouldn't notice.

Upon reaching his teammates, Satoru gave you a small squeeze and placed you next to him, still holding onto his hand.

“Guys!” Satoru's voice echoed in the space where the team was, causing the curious gaze of his teammates to rest on him and also on you. “She is…” Satoru said your name pointing his hand at you. His companions then began to murmur under their breath while his gaze remained glued to you.

“Captain! Is she your girlfriend?” Satoru swallowed hard and controlled himself so that a crimson red wouldn't stain his cheeks.

“No Yuji, she is not.” Satoru responded a bit irritated.

“Do you really think Captain Gojo would be able to get a girlfriend?” The vein on Satoru's forehead began to swell. It had definitely been a bad idea bringing you to meet these brats.

“Megumi…” Satoru snorted through his nose. “Don't pass or you'll be on the bench next week.” To which Megumi responded by turning around and sitting in one of the back chairs, without giving it any importance.

“I’m Yuji!” Yuji approached you with a smile.

“Nice to meet you Yuji.” You said finally letting Satoru’s hand go.

“You should meet the others too!” He said. “This is my first year in the team, well I just started college, but everyone is very nice.”

“Is Satoru nice too?” Satoru felt a small blush on his cheeks again after hearing you ask that question. “If you want we can get away from him and then you can criticize him.” You joked and Satoru smirked.

“Oh no, no.” Yuji shook his head. “Captain Gojo is truly an amazing player and amazing captain! I’m glad he is my mentor.” He widely smiled.

“Oh impressive Satoru.” You said looking at him.

Satoru shrugged and smiled. “What can I say, I'm the best.”

“You’re the best.” You said at the same time laughing.

“Captain…” A deep voice talked behind both of you, you lifted your head to be met with a tall blonde guy.

Oh Haibara’s friend.

“Nanami!!” Satoru happily shouted, to which Nanami reacted rolling his eyes. “Birdie, this is Nanami.” He pointed at him.

“Nice to meet you.” Nanami did a small bow.

“You are Haibara’s friend right?” He nodded. “I saw you a couple of times outside the store waiting for him.”

“You work with Haibara?” You nodded. “Oh so you’re the super nice coworker he always talks about.”

“I guess so.” You smiled. “You also play on the basketball team?” You tilted your head.

“Unfortunately.” You looked at him confused for his response. “Captain Gojo is a pain in my ass most of the time.”

“I understand what you mean.” You laugh recalling how you had Satoru saved on your phone.

Satoru coughed sharply causing you both to turn to look at him. “I think that's enough for today, Nanami, why don't you go get some drinks? I want the same thing as always, okay?” He said as he pushed Nanami away.

“Satoru, why was that?” You crossed your arms in front of your chest.

Satoru rolled his eyes again. “It’s just that…” But the sentence was left in the air when Shoko’s voice sounded louder than his, calling your name.

“I finally found you.” She hugged you, resting her head on your shoulder.

“Shoko!” You said as you moved away a little. “You already drank something?”

“Just a shot. I’m okay, I swear.” She raised her hands. “Now come with me, Kyoko and Yuki are waiting for us to dance.”

“Yuki?” You said confused.

“I will introduce you now. Now let’s go!” She started pulling you. “Let's leave these idiots here.”

Taking one last glance at Satoru and offering a small smile, you bowed your head before disappearing into the bustling crowd of people. Satoru watched you leave, a slight smile on his lips, before exhaling heavily through his mouth.

He walked over to the couch where Megumi was sitting and sank down next to him. Leaning back against the backrest, Satoru looked up at the ceiling, lost in his thoughts.

“Captain Gojo, you seem distressed.” He heard Megumi talking.

“It’s nothing, kid.” He shook his head. “And by the way how come you are here? You usually hate this type of place.”

Megumi sighed heavily. “That idiot brought me here.” He pointed at Yuji who was now grabbing snacks from a nearby table.

Satoru opened his mouth in o shaped form and nodded. “You two are really close aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?” Megumi inquired with a nervous look.

“Nothing. I mean if you two are close in that type of way then it’s fine by me. And if anyone in the team says something inappropriate, make sure to tell me. I will handle it.” Satoru explained.

Megumi stood up. “Thank you captain, but it’s okay… we are okay.” Satoru noticed the small blush on Megumi’s cheeks and smiled as he walked away to where Yuji was.

Satoru looked around the place and spotted you on the dance floor. He watched you from the side, he observed you as you danced and laughed with Kyoko, Shoko and who he guessed was Yuki, the one Shoko mentioned before. It was rare to see you so carefree, and he couldn't help but feel his chest swell with happiness at the sight.

As you moved gracefully on the dance floor, your laughter filled the air and Satoru found himself captivated by the joy that radiated from you. He couldn't look away from you, mesmerized by the way you moved, the way you laughed, the way you simply existed in that moment. It was as if the world disappeared into the background, leaving only you.

He looked at his drink and his thoughts returned to the conversation he had with Suguru last week. It had been a jolt of reality, to say the least.

Satoru had come face to face with the truth: the feelings he harbored towards you had been there for a long time. It wasn't a simple crush; he was deeper than that. The weeks of interaction had only intensified his emotions, revealing a deep feeling he had rarely experienced.

Reflecting on it now, Satoru realized that he had been in love with you long before he fully acknowledged it. He had fallen in love with you from a distance, watching how you interacted with others, listening to what people said about you, and admiring your dedication and diligence.

It was a realization that excited him and at the same time made him nervous. Satoru was used to being confident and self-assured, but when it came to matters of the heart, he found himself navigating uncharted territory. If he had had girlfriends, he had dated different people, but on the vast majority of occasions he had been without any deeper interest.

Sighing he looked back at your figure on the dance floor.

“If I didn’t know how you felt about her I would think you are a pervert or something like that.” Suguru sat next to him.

Satoru just rolled his eyes and took his cup once again. “I’m just watching her, nothing else.”

“Yeah like a creep.” His friend pointed out. “Why don’t you go and ask her to dance with you?”

“You think she will accept?”

“What’s the worst that could happen? You get your ass kicked? I will have my phone ready just in case.”

“Geez you are annoying.” Satoru said punching Suguru’s arm.

“C’mon man! Where is all your ego and confidence?” He challenged.

Satoru stood up and looked at Suguru. “Watch me.”

“Your legs are trembling Satoru!” Suguru shouted from the distance to which Satoru responded by showing his middle finger.

But oh boy, he was for real trembling. That was the effect you have on him after all.

Your pov

Your body swayed to the infectious rhythm of the music as you continued sipping from your second glass of the night. You were cautious not to drink too much, but Shoko's insistence that it was a night to let loose and have fun had led you to indulge a bit more.

Amidst the pulsating beats, you also met Yuki, she was older than you and she happened to be dating Choso, your old crush from your first year. Now, the four of you were on the dance floor, fully immersed in the music, letting the heat and energy of the moment wash over you.

The dance floor became a blur of movement as you all threw yourselves into the music, laughing and enjoying each other's company. The atmosphere was electric, the air filled with excitement and camaraderie as you danced the night away, feeling the warmth rising through your bodies with every step and beat.

You noticed Shoko giving Kyoko a subtle nudge, followed by a knowing smile and a raised eyebrow exchange between them. “I'm exhausted.” Shoko announced abruptly. “Let's sit.”

You nodded, ready to follow Shoko, but Kyoko halted you with a smile and a nod towards her side. Confused, you followed her gaze, only to find Satoru standing a few meters away. His cheeks were flushed, likely from the heat of the club, and his gaze was fixed on you with unwavering intensity.

Your heart quickened as Satoru began to make his way towards you, his eyes never leaving yours. Glancing back at Kyoko, you found that she, along with Shoko, and Yuki had vanished from your sight, leaving you alone with Satoru.

“Hey.” Satoru said when he was finally near you.

“Hi.” You said with a louder tone so he could hear you.

“You having fun?” He questioned getting closer, so you could hear him.

You nodded. “So much. I was dancing with the girls until now.”

“Is that your second drink?” He pointed to the cup in your hands.

“Yeah! Shoko insisted but it’s fine by me, so don’t worry.” You moved your hand around. “Are you having fun too Satoru?” You asked him this time.

“I am.” He smiled and took a deep breath. “Wanna dance with me the next song?”

Oh. You were caught off guard by Satoru's invitation to dance, you hesitated for a moment, the pulse of the music pounding in your ears. But the prospect of dancing with him, of being close to him, was too tempting to resist.

“Yeah, sure.” You finally replied with a smile spreading across your face. “But let me finish my drink.”

“Drink slowly, I don’t want you throwing up on me once again.” He once again teased you, so you decided to tease him back.

“Oh. It went up.” You smirked looking at him. “Now it’s 39%.”

“Okay, okay, I will stop teasing but just be careful.”

“Yes dad!” You said, rolling your eyes. “Alright.” You placed the empty glass on a table. “Let’s go!”

Satoru's smile widened, a sparkle of excitement in his eyes as he took your hand and led you towards the dance floor. When the next song started playing, you fell into rhythm with him.

In the dim lights of the club, surrounded by the pulsating energy of the crowd, you lost yourself in the moment, swaying and spinning with Satoru, as your bodies moved in perfect synchrony, as if you had been doing this for years, as if you were one.

And as you danced, the world started to fade away, leaving just the two of you, lost in the music and lost in the connection that existed between the two of you.

As the music hummed around you and the heat of the dance floor enveloped you. Satoru's hand rested on your waist causing a surge of electricity to course through you, igniting a fiery passion simmering just beneath the surface.

With every step, every movement of your bodies, the tension between you became palpable, the air thick with anticipation. Your movements became more fluid, more sensual, as they let themselves be carried away by the rhythm of the song that was playing.

As the song reached its climax, Satoru pulled you closer, his gaze looking at you with burning desire. And in that moment, with the music pulsing in your veins and the heat of his body against yours.

“Birdie, I swear you are driving me fucking crazy.” He said but only you were able to hear his words.

You wanted to play, you wanted to wrap him around your finger. “How Satoru?” You got yourself closer to him. “How am I driving you crazy?” You lifted your gaze, leaving both of your gazes connected.

One more step and your chest would be completely stuck together. One more step and what you would feel would be his heat mixing with yours. One more step and everything you have been trying to ignore would fall on you like a house of cards.

It was just one step.

Just one.

And you were about to give that step when you saw a silhouette in the distance, making your blood freeze.

“Fuck.” You muttered realizing who was in that club too, someone you had secretly hoped and prayed to avoid encountering him again ever since you quit working at that bar.

Final notes: itafushi and chosoyuki crumbs on the same chapter? exactly 🙂‍↕️ Also who do you think Birdie saw?

— if you want to be tagged, comment below

🏷️: @lavender-hvze, @crybabytoru, @sanriosatoru, @norvacaine, @sadmonke, @faetoraa , @hexipessimistic, @gojoful , @kitzusune , @sh0jun , @manyno , @ropickle , @lolsasuke , @milk3evee

[jolynesmom]

I hate to share this but I don't have anyone to talk. It's been so long I've discovered about void and since then I've always wanted to manifest "family Change " in the void cause my mother. I don't want to make her the villian in my life but I can't help she literally abuse me everytime and says the filthiest, dirtiest things which I swear no parents says to their children and even my dad doesn't stop her . Everyday I having a mental breakdown and I go to bed with the hope that I will enter the void and I don't have to face the same day tomorrow again. To be honest I don't know how can I enter void at this low . I've been literally loosing hope. I feel like the void actually a void which will never come to me

hey I’m so sorry to hear that :(( my heart breaks every time someone comes to me saying they’re abused by their family. it’s such a disgusting thing and I’ll never wrap my head around on how someone can do this to their child

I really wish I could do something for your situation, but all I can do is give you a few words of advice

before anything I want to let you know that you shouldn’t feel guilty for villainizing your parents. such things are not normal and should not be excused. your parents should be thankful that the only thing you want from them is a healthy relationship after what they’ve put you through

let’s address the first issue. you’re not motivated to enter the void because you’re brought down by your circumstances. a lot of you seem to forget that the law of assumption exists and you can use it to successfully change your circumstances instantly without entering the void state. hell, you can use law of assumption to enter the void!! use the law of assumption to make your parents leave you alone or to even do a 180° in their behavior

I was actually in a similar position before entering the void where I was demotivated to even try because of my dad’s behavior towards me, so I used the law of assumption to make his stop being so harsh towards me. not only did he start to be nicer to me, but he even moved back to our home country due to some circumstances while I stayed in the uk, since then I’ve only known peace

if you don’t want to use loa to change your circumstances (which you should) then use the negativity in your life to fuel your motivation to enter the void. like ‘everyone treats me so bad, let’s see their reaction after I fulfill my desires and they’ll remain miserable here’

I feel like a broken record because I’ve said it so many times, but entering the void is embarrassingly easy. like I mean it, it’s so easy once I almost tapped into it while I laid down for 3 minutes waiting for my food to heat in the oven. and the great part about the void is that you don’t need a great mindset or to be overly motivated to try a complex method that will take you 3 hours to finish, you can just say ‘I want to enter the void’, fall asleep and wake up there

this is why I don’t like those challenges people do to change their mindset, affirm 100k times per day, listen to subs 25/8, do complicated meditations, vaunt or whatever. if you want to do them and feel like they’ll take you closer to the void, by all means go off, but you absolutely do not need them lol

when I entered the void for the first time I didn’t do anything special, I actually didn’t even think it’s possible to do it without yoga nidra then I tapped into it instantly when I was in a state between asleep and awake and said to myself that I want to enter the void asap

so yeah, use loa, treat everything with indifference and persist even if your circumstances are unfavorable

I’ll link some posts below that will hopefully give you some direction and motivation to persist

sending you lots of love and positive energy 🤍

🫐jani’s law of assumption guide

🍓 manifestation/loa is your bff

🥝psa: you can manifest anything

🍊 manifestation in 3 steps

🍑 doubting the void?

🍒 lullaby method to enter the void (personal favorite)

🥥distraction method to enter the void state

🍇 arlinski void state method

I also suggest you to check out @/tia-222 on tumblr because they have amazing posts which helped me master the void state in less than 3 weeks

[supercriminalbean]

Inclusion to love.

BAU x NB!Reader

Summary: You have been struggling lately with coming out to your family as Non binary (tried my best to keep it gender netural before they came out aswell). Deciding to stay in the closet, but while on a case your team finds out. How does it end, is everyone accepting? Do you gain or lose another family?

Warnings: Transphobia. Homophobia. Killing. Blood. Crying. Family abuse. Religion abuse. Using God in the name of hate. Swearing. Hate speech. Deadnames. Self hatred. (If I have forgotten anything please let me know)

Words: 6.7k

Walking inside the bullpen. You’re feeling mentally and physically drained from the night before. Having gotten into another argument with your parents on the phone last night, about you being Non binary. You just wanted to explain what it meant for you. Wanted them to try and use your pronouns, but they argued and called you so many names. Saying you would go to hell for being Trans. You had hung up the phone and cried yourself to sleep that night, they were the only ones you had come out to. You had hoped they would love you no matter what, like they always said they would. But you figured it's just another lie that they have told you. You don't know why you were still surprised, they never mean what they say. They don’t care for you, it's all just an act. You wish you could just leave them behind, but they are your only family.

~~~

Sighing as you walk over to the coffee maker for a cup. Accidentally bumping into Morgan, who's standing at the counter.

“Shit my bad, sorry Morgan” Looking up at him slowly. Not even trying to put a smile on this morning.

“It's alright, long night?” Smirking as he wiggles his eyebrows at you. Groaning weakly as you pour yourself a large cup of coffee.

“Yeah something like that” Bringing the coffee up to your mouth taking a long whiff of the strong smell. Closing your eyes as you take a giant mouth full.

“Yeah get it” His voice filled with light laughter. Normally you would tease him back, but today you didn't have the energy. Taking your cup you head  back over to your desk, leaving him there alone. Feeling his eyes following you.

~~~

You drop your bag by your seat, kicking it under your desk as you sit down. Slumping backwards as you take another long sip of your coffee. Overhearing Garcia and Reid talking about something nerdy, you're guessing Dr Who. They are going to a Dr who Convention this coming weekend. Rossi comes over leaning against your desk, facing the two nerds. He teases them, only to end up chuckling at his own jokes. Soon JJ, Prentisse and Morgan join everyone, standing around them all talking and laughing. Not having the energy to pay attention to whatever they were saying, you open up one of your files you needed to get started on. 

As you picked up your pen, you could feel people's eyes on you, ignoring it. Picking up your coffee, you end up skulking the rest of it. 

“Someones thirsty” Hearing the teasing in Rossi's voice you glance up at him.

“Yeah, guess so” Your voice is full of annoyance, and tiredness. The bags under your eyes are now visible to the team. You move your chair backwards, standing back up to head over for more coffee. You could feel a few pairs of eyes watching you.

~~~

The morning moves by slowly, you are now on your fourth cup of coffee. You have only gotten through one file, and still have way too many to do. Secretly you're just hoping you don't get a case today. That way all you have to do is finish your paperwork and go home. Today you are doing everything in your power to avoid talking to anyone in your team. You know that your coworkers know something is up with you, they are all profilers after all and you're not even trying to hide that you're not doing okay. You reach your desk again after another cup of coffee sitting back down, sighing as you start on the file. Reid looks up at you, his desk being right beside yours.

“Hey (Y/L), that's your fourth cup of coffee, maybe you should slow down” Reid jokes lightly, that small caring smile on his face. You know he means well, but not wanting to deal with any of it today. You couldn’t help the snarky comment dancing on your tongue.

“Reid, you're one to talk, don't you have like 10 cups a day, get off my back” You scoff, the words coming off harsher than intended.  

“Woah, (Y/L) someone seems fierce today” Emily says turning to face you in her seat. 

You roll your eyes up at her, ready to give her an even snarky response.

“We got a case,” Hotch calls out to the teams. You look up to see him leaning on the rails, staring at you. 

~~~

You follow the team into the conference room, taking the seat closest to the door. Garica already has the files and the presentation up. Once everyone is seated, Garcia starts the presentation of the case.

“Okay so this case is a strange one, 4 bodies have been discovered in the last 36 hours, in Los Vegas, the first two bodies where found together at a park tied to seesaws, the male victim, Mike Harrison, 23 was found wearing the purple flowy dress, and our female victim, Isabella Grey, 22, is found in a man suit, but was wearing heels. Our other two Victims, David Brown, 22 and Oliva Williams, 21. Were found at a bus stop, tied to the bench and found in similar clothing” While she's speaking, photos of the victims and the crime scene pop up. 

“How were they killed?” Reid asks, staring at the photos.

“Well that's the gross part, The M.E still trying to find the cause of death but, after they took the clothing off they noticed the bodies had all been cut into at the torso and found a bible pushed inside each one” Garcia screwed her face up, in disgust as she speaks. “There are photos in your files, which you can look at, when I'm not around”

“Okay well that's something new” Emily says, looking through her files at the photos.

“The victims were missing for at least 16 hours before being found, we need to find the unsub, before more bodies drop” Hotch says.

~~~

“What I'm wondering is why would the unsub dresses the victims up in opposite gender clothing and leave a bible inside them” You speak quietly, almost trouble-like. Staring at the photos on the presentation.

“This could be due to the unsubs history with religion, most religious people are against Homosexualy and against cross dressing as they believe it can lead to people changing their sex.” Reid speaks quickly, picking up his coffee.

“So we should look for people who may have been kicked out of a church due to their sexuality and how they present themselves” Rossi sighs, closing his files.

“What about the victims, were they a part of any churches or religious and any connection to each other?” Your voice comes out quietly. You didn't want to have a case today, especially one that's going to hit so close to home.

“We don't have much information on the victims yet but I am still searching for it all” Garcia says as she closes her laptop. Hotch stands up picking up his files.

“We’ll have more information as we land, wheels up in thirty”

~~~

You’re seated on the jet, with your headphones, staring out the window. Facing away from the team, who are playing some card games. Hotch is the only other one not playing, he’s sitting on his own finishing off some paperwork. It's half way through the flight, still two hours left. When Rossi comes over and sits opposite you, smiles gently at you. Gesturing at your headphones, you slide them off slowly. 

“Hey Rossi” You smile slightly. Staring at him, unfocused.

“What's up with you kiddo, you've been unnatural quite today” He jokes. Studying you with concern.

“It's nothing, I'm just extremely tired, and people out” You don't meet his eyes knowing he could see straight through your lies. 

“Did you not sleep last night?”

“Not much, and somehow coffee isn't doing its job today” Laughing gently.

“It would probably work if you had food in your system to help” He raises his eyebrow pointedly. He knows when you're feeling down, you tend to forget to eat.

“Rossi, are you trying to parent me right now?” You smirk softly. Taking another sip of your coffee.

“Someone needs to look after you” He pulls out a small bag of crackers out of his bag, throwing it to you.

“My favourite, you really are a soft teddy bear aren't you Papa Rossi” You take the bag opening it slightly. You weren't hungry but you know if you don’t, you will get a lecture from him. 

“How dare you, I am not a soft anything” His face goes to a dramatic offended face, his hand raises to rest on his chest. Laughing at him you take a cracker, eating it slowly.

“You should try to get some sleep before we land, kiddo you're going to need it” He stands back up, smiling at you gently.

“I'll try” you smile as he walks back over to where Reid, JJ and Emily are, getting ready to play another round. Morgan is sitting on the couch facing them, making some jokes with Emily.

You slide your headphones back on, watching out the window, starting to eat the crackers rossi left you. Turning the music up louder, hoping it will be loud enough to block anything else coming into your mind.

~~~

Rossi sits back down beside JJ, Reid is placing down some cards for the next game. They all turn to Rossi, Emily being the first to break the silence. 

“So did (Y/N) say anything?” Her voice filled with concern. No one could blame her, everyone has noticed that you have been off the last week. But today, you weren’t even trying to hide it anymore. It's almost like you have just given up. 

“Nothing, (Y/L) tried to say it's from barely sleeping, but it's clear (Y/N) is hiding something, could barely even look at me” Rossi sighs worriedly, glancing over at them.

“I'm sure (Y/N) will talk when it's time to” Reid speaks quietly, He was really worried about you, you had bailed the last two times he tried to invite you to anything sociable. You had bailed on team movie night, even when it was your turn to pick the movie. Reid onlys wants to be there for you, the way you are always there for him, or for anyone on the team. Emily glances over at you. Noticing your eyes are starting to close, looking like you are close to falling asleep.JJ follows Emily's eyes, smiling softly as she takes in your body langues. Your body is starting to relax enough for you to finally get some rest.

“(Y/L) knows we are here, when its time to open up”

~~~

When the Jet lands, it's 3:25pm due to the La time zone. Hotch was heading to the Police station to talk to the lieutenant in charge. Reid and Prentiss went to the morgue to find more information about the bodies. JJ and Morgan went to the latest crime scene at the bus stop. You and Rossi had arrived at the first crime scene, a park that was in the middle of a beautiful quiet looking neighbourhood. As you and Rossi look around the park, mainly where the bodies were found on the seesaws. You two keep throwing ideas at each other regarding the unsub, and why he would leave the bodies in such an open area. You crouch down to examine the SeeSaw more closely, an odd looking heart carved into the middle of it. 

“Hey Rossi, look at this” You call out, as Rossi walks over and crouches down beside you, to examine what you have found. 

“What did you find, kid?” 

“Look at this heart, it looks like its been there for a while, but the pen marks in the index of the shape its fresh”

“What, you think of the unsub coloured in the initials?” He raises his eyebrows watching you. “Lots of people crave words into playground you know that (Y/L)”

“Yes you're right they do, but look at it again, the edge of where the heart indexes are, looks old, at least a few years, but the black pen looks fresh, and they found some fresh ink the same colour on one of the victims hard” You explain as you take a photo of it.

“Huh, good catch” Rossi stands up looking around the park.

~~~

You bring your phone to your ear as you ring Morgan, he answers quickly.

“Hey pretty, you two find anything yet?” Morgan's voice is filled with his usual teasing.

“I think so, this could be nothing but, did you or JJ find a heart with the initials, L+K in it, it probably looks old but there could be fresh black ink in the index of the words.” Your words come out fast, as they do when you get excited or when your brain is working extra fast. Your words just never seem to keep up with your brain.  

“Wait actually I think I saw something like that” You can hear him moving, and hear JJ voice in the background, asking him what he's looking for. Morgan crouches down in front of the bus stop benches, where the bodies were found. 

“Yeah (Y/L), I've got that here, right in the middle of the bench”

“Yeah I found mine in the middle of the seesaw” You sigh. “Alright Morgan we’ll see you back at the precinct” As you hang up you look back at Rossi.

“They found the exact same one, middle of the bench” Shaking your head slightly.

“Well we have a lead on the unsubs name” Rossi speaks slowly. Trying to wrap his head around what the unsub plan could be.

It was now after 10pm, the team had delivered the profile a few hours earlier. Garica has managed to connect all the victims together. The male victims worked at a nightclub as Drag Queens, the nightclub being only a couple blocks away from each crime scene.  The female victims used to be a part of a church that was only a block away from the Nightclub.  It was discovered that they were kicked out due to their relationship together. Prentiss and Rossi had talked to Isabella Grey family, and also Mike Harrison family as well, gathering as much information as they could. JJ, Morgan and Hotch had talked to Oliva William and David Brown's family. As you and Reid stayed back at the precinct, on the phone with Garcia. Finding out any other information you possibly could. Reid had also mapped out the Unsubs comfort zone.The Female victims also worked at the same night club as the male victims, as waitresses and bartenders. The profile of the unsub that they had is, a white male early to mid 20s. They had profiled that he may have been kicked out of church and home due to his sexuality, and that he is targeting those who are able to openly be themselves. Something that he is still unable to do. 

~~~

The team is currently sitting around the table, eating their dinner as they discuss their plan for tomorrow.

“Dave, I want you and Emily to go to the church in the morning, see what else you can find from them, see if anyone fits our profile” Hotch says as the team starts eating their pizza together. He gets a nod back from Dave and Emilys, he turns to you and Reid. 

“(Y/L) I want you and Reid to go to the club, see if anyone there could know someone who fits our profile.”

“You got it boss” Smiling as you take a slice of pizza. 

“JJ, you and Morgan head back over to the Brown's family, his sister Melissa seem to know something, but her parents didn't want her to talk”

“Yeah we can try to get her away from her parents, hopefully she will open up with JJ” Morgan adds while taking a sip of his drink.

~~~

The conversation moves away from the case slowly. Everyone winding down and relaxing as they finish their dinner, before they head back to the hotel for the night. There weren't many rooms available so you had to share a room with JJ, the room having two single beds. You sit on the bed pulling out your clothes for the night, JJ sits across from you doing the same. 

“You can have the first show if you like JJ” You speak quietly, your energy feeling completely drained. you did have a small nap on the jet, but that energy you got from that didn't seem to last too long. You just hope that you can get some more sleep tonight, not needing JJ to question you.

“Thank you, I'll just have a quick one” She smiles over at you. You were staring at the wall, no longer paying attention. “(Y/N), are you alright?” You never heard her call out to you. she decided to just let you be and have a shower. Try to talk to you afterwards, maybe for now you just need some space. 

You are so far out of it, not even noticing JJ going to the bathroom. You're thinking deeply about the case, you will never understand how families can just disown their own kids. Watch them as they get kicked out of church. How can people just turn their back on family? Your mind goes from thinking of the victims family to your own. How could your parents say that they could never love you for being who you are, for loving yourself. Not everyone is born in the right body, and you are one of those people. You hated looking in the mirror and seeing the wrong body looking back at you. You hated when people would use the wrong pronouns for you, and when you are referred to with words that are to feminine or to masculine. You have never felt like a girl or a boy when growing up. You always thought there was something wrong with you, but when you found out what it meant to be Non Binary, it felt right, like something inside you just clicked. You did more research into it, and you finally felt so happy discovering who you really are. You stayed in the closet for close to two years before coming out to your parents, which went horrible.

~~~

Tears are streaming down your cheek but you don’t realise it, not until you feel a hand on your shoulder. Turning your head to see JJ looking at you worried, her hair damp from the shower.

“(Y/N) are you okay?” Her tone is soft and caring, softly wiping the tears from your cheek.

“Yeah, yeah JJ I’m fine, I'm just tired” Forcing a small smile, shrugging off her hand.

“(Y/N) you don't cry when you're tired, please I'm worried about you, maybe I can help” Staring into her eyes, you know everything she is saying is genuine. But you can't tell her, you can't tell anyone. You already lost your family, you can't lose anyone else.

“JJ please, just forget it” Your tone comes out a little rough. Standing up grabbing your gear for the shower.

“Okay, but you know we are here for you, all of us” She calls out softly. Watching you walk into the bathroom, without another word as the door slams shut. 

~~~

In the morning you walk downstairs with JJ, meeting up with the team in the lobby. Everyone but Hotch are all standing there holding coffee. Reid passes you and JJ some coffee, a small smile on his face.

“Hotch is on the phone, they found two more bodies, outside the church this time” Reid informs you both.

“Oh, how great!” You huff out taking a sip of coffee. Letting it warm you up inside, as Hotch walks over.

“Two new victims, Kyle Hopkins and Melissa Brown” Hotch starts saying before he's interrupted by Morgan.

“Wait, Melissa Brown, as in David Brown's sister?”

“Yes indeed, he's holding them for less time now” Hotch rubs his forehead. Something he does when he's stressing.

“He's moving towards his end game” Reid adds in.

“Alright, Dave I want you and Prentiss to head over to the crime scene” Hotch nods at them as they walk out. “JJ, you and Reid go over to the Browns family, see what else we can learn from them, the unsub seems to be targeting their family, Melissa alot younger than our other victims, find out how she could be connected” Hotch turns his attention to Morgan as the other two walk out.

“Morgan I need you to go talk Kyle Hopkins family, talk to Garcia see what she can find out about Kyle and Melissa” 

“You got it Hotch” Morgan pulls out his phone as he walks out.

“I'm guessing we are going to the nightclub then?” You ask, smiling slightly. You're still feeling tired and not entirely yourself yet. Having not gotten much rest again last night, but you knew you had to try to act fine. Especially in front of your boss, Hotch is the best at reading you.

“Yes, let's go” He nods. Walking out, you follow him closely.

~~~

As You both enter the club. It's empty as they aren't open yet but there are a few workers there waiting for you both. Hotch talks to the manager in her office, while you talk to two of the bartenders. They inform you of the last time they had seen each of the victims and how they had all come to work there. You had given them the profile and explained to them how the guy could have been acting like the last few days.

“Wait, that sounds like Liam, doesn't it?” Taylor asks, turning to look at Holly, who nods.

“Yeah it does, Liam has been off the last few days, his girlfriend died a year ago, kelly. They had been together for years, they started dating secretly at the end of high school, it was before kelly transition, Kelly was trangender” Holly explains.

“Oh, that adds more to our profile thank you, um do you guys know how Kelly died?”

“Yeah she was murder, she was beaten up by some people from the church just round the corner, died a couple days later” Taylor adds, looking down upset, trying her best to hold it together. 

“Everything seems to be connected to that church” Sighing as you run your hand though your hair.  “Can I get a last name for Liam and Kelly legal name?” 

“Yeah Liam Johnson and Kevin Jones” Holly speaks quietly. You thank them as Hotch walks out of the office and you follow him outside.

~~~

“I got a name Liam Johnson” You tell Hotch, as you reach him. “His girlfriend Kelly was killed a year ago. She was a subject of hate crimes due to be Transgender, you want to guess who organised it?” You scoff the last part of the sentence out. Shaking your head as the anger raises inside you again.

“The church” He sighs. Grabbing his phone to ring Garcia, putting her on speaker.

“He who seeks the Queen of all knowledge speaks and be recognized” Garica's cheeky voice comes out.

“Garica I got a name for you Liam Johnson, need you to send me everything you got on him” 

“Yes sir, I’m searching his name as we speak, and woah hello” Her voice gets lower at the end.

“Garica what you got?” Asking her quickly, making eye contact with Hotch. Knowing what she found is going to give us exactly what we need to determine if he's our unsub or not.

“He has a long list of priors, mostly for vandalism at the church and getting into loads of fights with his family and it says here, he got kicked out of home when he was 17 when they discover he was gay, and it says after his partner died last year, he was sent to conversion therapy for help and got out 2 months ago” She takes a breath before continuing.  “I have a home address, sent it to your phones'' 

“Thanks Garcia” Hotch adds in just before hanging up. 

You're both getting into the car when your phone rings, answering it you put it on speaker. 

“Yeah Morgan, Garica has just sent you guys an address of Liam Johnson” You start to speak as Hotch starts driving.

“yeah we found him, some police officers found him at a park, he's cornered himself by a tree and he's got himself a hostage, we are driving there now”

“Where?” Hotch asks, doing a U-turn after Morgan gives us the location.

“Alright we are only a block away we will meet everyone there” You hang up as Hotch drives faster.

~~~

You were out of the car before Hotch could even put it into park. You know you should stop and put your bulletproof vest on first. But you can’t think about that currently, knowing you only have a limited amount of time. With these situations, most of the time it will always end in suicide by cop, and there is no way you are going to let that happen to him. Not when you can understand how he feels, knowing what he has been put through. You can hear Hotch yell out to you as you run past the police checkpoint, heading closer towards Liam. Stopping when you get past the police officers, who are pointing their guns at him. 

Liam is holding a young boy around the age of 12. Keeping him close to him, a gun jammed to his head.

“Your Liam right?” You ask, keeping eye contact with him. Liam's eyes are filled with guilt and hopelessness, looking afraid.

“Get back, get back I'll shoot him I will” He yells out, his voice shaking.

“You won't shoot him, do you want to know why?” Your voice comes out gently, keeping calm. Knowing your only way to keep you three alive, is to relate to this unsub.

“You're not going to shoot him because he's innocent, just like those victims you killed” You can hear the rest of your team arriving. Getting the two police officers to move back, giving you more room to work.

“No the people I killed were not innocent, they were gay, and gay people deserve hell” Liam shouts back, his arm shaking.

“No sweety they don't, no one can control who they love or who they really are” You speak softly. He shakes his head roughly, his eyes filling with tears. Looking young, lost and so afraid. 

~~~

“No no, they told me, they told me I'm going to hell if I don't repent for being gay” Tears slid down his face. His grip is loosening on the boy.

“Liam, nothing that they told you was true, why don't you let the boy go and we can talk okay?” you offer.

“No, he's my protection, they will shoot me when I move” Liam stutters through his words, pulling the boy closer.

“No they won't, okay I won't let them, use me as a shield alright, I'll take the boy's place”  You take a step forward, giving him a smile filled with reassurance.

“No stop, you have a gun on you” His hold on the boy tightens again. 

“You're right, I'll drop my gun, okay?” You move slowly, taking it out of the holster. Placing it slowly on the ground, keeping eye contact with him as you kick it away. “Now let the boy go” You smile encouragingly. 

Liams removes his hands off the boy, pushing him away, towards the crowd now starting to appear. The boy quickly rushes towards JJ who's walking toward him quickly, grabbing him to bring him back to safety. You make brief eye contact with Hotch, who looks extremely pissed off. Turning your attention back to Liam, stepping closer, covering him. Making sure no one could get a clear shot.

~~~

“Liam, you have two choices here okay, you need to put the gun down and come in with me” 

“No, if I do, I'll go to prison for life, death would be better” His voice sounded desperate. He moves the gun under his chin, pointing it upwards.

“Liam, think about Kelly, she wouldn't want this for you”

“Kevin was confused” His voice filled with pain.

“No she wasn't and neither are you, your family disowned you for liking guys didn’t they, made you change yourself so they could love you?” You take a deep breath trying to calm yourself. trying to stay focus on him and his family.

“Kevin…Kelly was the only one to love me, we only had each other when we both first came out” His voice breaking as he speaks, his arm shaking. His finger shaking staying on the trigger pushing on it slightly

“I Understand how you feel Liam, my family disowned me as well” Your words are out of your mouth before you could stop them. Eyes widen as you realise what you are about to admit to.

“Y you understand, you're gay?” His finger slides off the trigger, gulping thickly.

~~~

“No I'm not gay Liam, I'm like Kelly” Taking another deep breath. Doing everything you can to not look at your team, as you speak.

“Your trangender?” Liam asks, his voice starting to even out seeming like he's calming down.

“I fall under the trangenders umbrella. Yes, My family told me I would go to hell as well, but people like us Liam, we won't go to hell for being who we are” Your voice is loud but soft. You want him to lower the gun, you just want this to be over and done with.

“I belong in hell, I killed people” His finger goes back to the trigger. Tears well in your eyes thinking this could be it.

“Liam no please, we can work this out, you just need help, we can get you help, I want to help you, people like us, we need to stick together okay?” Your words come out rushed, but you step closer to him.  “Liam, will you let me help you?” You're right in front of him, he nods lightly. You place your hand on the gun, his hand slips off the gun. You take it and place it out of the ground, kicking it away from you. Taking Liam's hands, pulling them behind his back,  as you handcuff him gently. “This is for your protection okay” You speak softly. Reid walks over picking up the guns, as one of the police officers comes over and takes Liam away. Reid walks back over to the team after helping escort Liam back to the police cars.

~~~

Running your hand though your hair, you look over where your team is, none of them coming over to approach you. You already knew you would be in trouble running into danger like that but then you came out. Fear is running through your body as you look at your team. Hotch and Morgan are talking to some police officers, placing Liam in the police car. The rest of the team were talking by the car, Reid still holding your gun. Taking some deep breaths to calm yourself. You walked over to them quietly. Reaching Reid first, who offered your gun to you. 

“Thanks Reid” Your words come out quietly. Placing your gun back in the holster, not looking at anyone. Emily opens her mouth to say something but thankfully, she is interrupted by Hotch and Morgan approaching. 

“(Y/L) with me” His voice filled with a cold empty tone that could easily be interpreted as anger and disappointment. You follow him over to the SUV you both arrived in. Getting into the passenger side quietly as he gets in. He drives in silence for a while.

~~~

Hotch drivers for a few minutes before he speaks. “What you did was highly dangerous, what the hell were you thinking?” He snaps at you. His voice full of pure anger, you have never seen him this angry before. 

“Hotch I.. too many people have died, I wasn't going to let someone else die, because of some religious views forced into his brain, it's not right” The words coming out of your mouth, barely louder than a whisper. 

“You could've gotten yourself killed, or that boy killed, you can never run into a situation the way you did, I should fire you for what you did” Hearing his words, realisation hits you as to how bad the consequences are about to be.

“I understand Hotch, I'm really sorry” Your voice breaks lightly. Trying hard to pull yourself together, you rest your head on the window looking outside.

“I'm not going to fire you (Y/n)” His voice softens slightly as he glances over at you. Noticing some tears sliding down your cheek, he quickly pulls over, turning the car off. 

~~~

Looking over at him, “Your not but I screwed up, I did everything we are not supposed to do when talking down an unsub” 

“Maybe you did, but it worked. You talked him down, that's something no one else could have done, that's why I'm not firing you” His tone is soft, watching you closely.

“Thank you Hotch”

“But I do need to know something” He looks at you softly, that concerned look on his face.

You sit up straight, looking at him seriously. 

“You want to know if I was telling him the truth, don't you?” You don't know how he can hear you. The words coming out just above whisper. Talking feels so heavy, but you know you have to. He nods at you, a small smile on his lips.

“Yeah it's true, I came out to my parents a few weeks ago, it's why I haven't been myself lately, they rung me two nights ago and we had another argument, ending with them telling me I'm going to hell, I knew what Liam was going though, I had to try help” Your body starts shaking vaguely. Hotch places his hand gently on your arm in support.

“(Y/N), I'm sorry they treated you like that, you know that no one in this team would ever judge you, we care for you” You can feel the love and care coming though in his words, you nod your head gingerly. 

~~~

“Do you want to talk more about you being trangender, I'm here to listen”

Taking a deep breath, you open your mouth, finding it easy to breathe and for words to flow out. “Im Non binary, Which means I don't identify as a Man or a Women, I never liked any of those labels, Last year when we did a case with a Trangender victim I did more research when I got home and when I read about Non binary” Smiling faintly as you speak, starting to relax. “It felt right, like I had finally found a missing part of myself” You look over at Hotch, who is smiling softly at you, his eyes full of fatherly love.

“That's great, I'm really happy for you, is there anything I need to change, I know some people change their pronouns” 

“Yeah I want to start using they, them, their, pronounce, but mainly while Im only with those people I trust”

“So just the team for now?” He smiles watching as your face brightens up. 

“Yes please, I'm going to tell the team on the way back” You smile feeling more relaxed than you have in weeks. 

“Lets head back to the precinct then” He smiles more as he turns the car back on, driving towards the police precinct.

~~~

An hour had passed, you had somehow managed to avoid talking to anyone until it was time to board the jet. Hotch was already on the Jet, his laptop set up. Everyone sat around Hotch, ready to start the debriefing. You stay silent as you take the seat beside Hotch, he gives you a small warm reassuring smile. You knew the team would be accepting of you, but you were still nervous of their reaction. The debriefing started, it goes by quickly, but you could feel everyone keep glancing at you, once it had ended no one moved.

“Okay, I think we need to address the elephant in the room” Rossi starts speaking, looking at you carefully. 

“I guess I owe you all an explanation on what I said to Liam” Sighing softly as you look up, everyone apart from Hotch is looking at you encouragingly. Everything starts feeling overwhelming having them all stare at you.

“Wait, I think Garica will want to be a part of this conversation” Hotch smiles softly. Turning his laptop over, just as Garica pops up on screen.

“Well hello all you sparkly people” She smiles cheekily at everyone, earning a few laughs from the team. Somehow she managed to break the tension and bring back joy to the moment.

~~~

“Alright now that our team is complete, can you please keep talking (Y/N)” JJ smiles at you encouragingly.

“Wait, what did I miss?” Garcia asks, a little confused.

“You haven't missed anything yet Pen, I’m just about to tell you all some news” Taking a small breath, your hands fidgeting under the table. Hotch's hand slides over, taking one of yours in his gently.

“I guess it's time to say it, I’m Transgender, well Im Non binary, which for me, means that I don't feel like a guy or like a girl, I don't relate to any gender, so I would prefer if you all could use They/them pronouns for me instead and more gender neutral terms for me” Your voice coming out feels a lot stronger and more confident than how you really feel inside.

Garcia is the first to speak, “yesss” She squeaks out. “Does that mean I can go to pride marches with you?” You look at her, seeing her smiling huge. Laughing at her along with the team. 

“Of course it does Pen” Laughing as she spins around on her chair, in victory. Morgan who is sitting on the couch close to you leans over clapping you on shoulder smiling.

“Well that is some great news” He smiles at you. 

“I think that calls for a celebrity drink at my place this weekend then” Rossi cheers.

“I think you just look for any opportunity to drink,” Emily teases him.

“Oh he does” Hotch laughs

“Well I am in for a drink” JJ says, as the rest of the team agrees. 

During the trip back everyone plays a round of cards for a little bit. Hotch is the first to bail, needing to get some paperwork, he moves himself to the back of the plane. The next too bail is Reid, when he leaves he pats your shoulder, and whisper quietly a, “I'm proud of you”

Morgan soon joins Reid and falls asleep on the other end of the couch. 

~~~

Rossi, JJ, Emily and you, play cards for a bit longer, until JJ asks you a question.

“(Y/n) can I ask you something?” She looks at you a little concerned and curiously in her eyes.

“Sure JJ, anything” 

“Why were you crying last night, was it the case?” She speaks quietly so as to not disturb the two sleeping boys near them.

“You have been off a lot lately” Emily adds in.

“It was a little bit due to the case, it hit close to home, I came out to my parents a few weeks ago, and, it went terribly, they pretty much disowned me. Have barely been sleeping since” Shrugging your shoulders. “They said horrible things when I told them I wouldn't change.” you sigh, forcing yourself to smile weakly.

“Well it's a good thing, you already have a better family” Emily smiles across at you. “And we would never want you to change” 

“You never need them again,” JJ adds softly.

“Plus if you ever want to get revenge I believe Penelope would happily place a virus on their computers for you” Rossi smirks, bumping his shoulder with you. Earning a laugh from you three.

“Oh she definitely would,” While laughing, you take a look around at the jet, at your team. Who is the only family you are ever going to need.

[honney-pies]

Ma Cherie❤︎

Birthday Girl

Pairing: Inumaki Toge/F!Reader/Okkotsu Yuuta

Fandom : Jujutsu Kaisen

Summary : this is how (y/n) got her name and how found family is like my fav trope.

Content warning/chapter warning: character death, referenced/implied abuse, referenced/implied sexual assault, excessive blood loss, thoughts of self-hatred, depression, feeling helpless, a knife is used, her mother SUCKS, please please please seek help if you or a loved one is being abused or in a harmful environment. I'm not sure if there is anything else, but please let me know and I will add it to the list!

Length: 2.5k

A/n: GUYS I'M SO SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T POSTED I FORGOT THAT I SAVED THIS TO DRAFTS! the next couple chapters are going to be more gaining context while also establishing how she interacts with others. the next two chapters (and this one too i think) contain spoilers for JJK season two. (y/n)'s birth name is Akane, but after this chapter I don't plan on referencing that. right now i'm sitting at about three chapters either nearly completed or started. please let me know if you liked this post! as always there is an oc version here and on ao3, feel free to read it if you would like! i'm still not sure how long this fic will be, but i'm aiming for about ten chapters. (Y/N) calls herself Akane anytime before she turns five.

Ma Cherie Masterlist

 ─── ⋆⋅ November  2016 ⋅⋆ ─── 

(Y/n) was looking at Panda and Maki sparring when she saw someone sit down in the corner of her eyes. Yuuta kept on staring at the sixteen year old, and she was beginning to feel her skin get itchy from feeling watched. He kept on looking at her then looking away, clearly he wanted to say something, but she didn’t want to bring it up if he didn’t intend to ask. 

“Kamo-san, why do some people call you Akane and others call you (Y/n)?” The girl in question looked at the dark haired boy and stared at him. 

“O-oh, you don’t need to answer that if you don’t want to! I didn’t mean to put you on the spot!” (Y/n) laughed, Yuuta was definitely too sweet for this world. 

“Do you want the short version or the longer one,” she asked. 

“I want to hear whatever you want to tell me,” he replied. 

    ─── ⋆⋅December 29, 2005⋅⋆ ─── 

It had been her birthday. Akane had just turned five years old and Shoko, Suguru and Satoru made sure to give her the best day ever. It had been her first birthday since her mother first tried to hurt her and Yaga banned her from entering the school. 

That night she was determined to sleep in her old room by herself and prove to herself that she grew up and could overcome what had happened to her. For a little over a month she had been alternating rooms and everyone had taken turns walking her to and from school along with having her accompany them on missions, obviously staying in the car, if no one else was available to watch her. All to protect her from her mother. 

When she had gotten into the room everything seemed fine, safe. Satoru was one room down and Suguru was in the same hallway as well. Shoko was still at her parents until classes started again. Satoru and Suguru had stayed with her for most of the night until she said she wanted to spend the night alone. They just looked at each other and agreed. What she didn’t know was that Suguru had let a small curse to watch over her, moreso to let him know if there were any changes in her mood or breathing. They both made their promises of seeing Akane tomorrow and to come into either one of their rooms should she feel scared. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Satoru?” The boy in question just looked at him and that’s all Suguru needed to know before grabbing his hand and holding it until they reached his room. The two went to their rooms and began to fall asleep. Although neither one was really able to do so. Akane’s well being was at the forefront of both of their minds. 

At first Akane didn’t know what was going on. She had thought that a tree was scratching at her window, maybe it had been a stray cat, but when she heard the shattering of her bedroom window break, she knew that it was no tree or cat. She knew it was something far worse. The five year old panicked and hid herself underneath the blanket and made herself small, as if that would keep the scary monsters away. 

We, as the readers of this story, know that hiding away under blankets will never keep the monsters at bay, but Akane was still a child, a child who didn’t fully know of the harsh realities the world, especially her own, had in store. 

The creaking of the wooden floors had been her only way of knowing where the monster was. The noises grew closer until one side of the bed dipped down and a soft voice called out to her. 

“Akane, it’s your mother. Come on out and tell me hi.” Akane was confused to say the least. From what she understood Mother was no longer allowed at the school since Yaga refused her entry. She had been told that if she did see her mother that she must go to another mom and ask to call her family or hide. 

This, however, wasn’t the first time Akane’s mother was not allowed to visit her for a period of time. From what she’s been told her mother got sad a lot. From what she heard while others thought she wasn’t listening was that her mother was unstable and had severe manic depression. She didn’t know what that really meant, but she knew that sometimes her mom wouldn’t be allowed to see her for a little bit. It happened pretty often, so Akane thought it was normal for her to disappear and show up out of nowhere. 

Unfortunately this was not one of those times. This time she felt her mothers animosity, this time she felt no love coming from her mother. Akane knew that her mother, the one she tries to remember, was nowhere to be seen. All that was left was a shell filled with rage, guilt, and anguish. This manifested itself into a pit in her mothers stomach, a pit that blamed Akane. Who she once viewed as her greatest achievement, her greatest creation, she could only view as her antagonizer.

That’s the funny thing about trauma, sometimes the blame can get misplaced. An innocent child can get the brunt of the aftermath of another man’s hand. 

Akane tried to sink herself as far down into her bed as she could, however the mattress didn’t swallow her up and protect her as she had hoped. Her mother only got angry and ripped the blanket off of her and clamped a bloodied, beaten hand over the child's mouth. Her child's mouth. 

She tried to squirm away, but her mother placed her full body weight onto her and forced her to stay put. 

“You listen here you insolent brat! You will keep your mouth shut and listen to your mother when you're told. I should have never left you here, you clearly don’t know what manners are. Now, nod your head if you’ll listen to mother like a good little girl.” Akane nodded her head, thinking that it would keep her safe. The hand that was placed over her mouth removed itself and reached to the side of her mothers clothes. She pulled out a knife and Akane had never been more scared in her life. 

“You have failed me for the last time, Akane,” hissed her mother, “you weren’t born a boy, you look like your father, you look like that other boy from your beloved fathers mistress, you have a hereditary cursed technique, one from the men's side. You have a family here, a happy one. You evade your fathers hand and live your life protected by the strongest. All of which I did for you, yet you never bother to show me gratitude. You are the product of your fathers control. Control over me, control over my body, control over my life. You are the embodiment of everything, everything, I have tried so hard to forget. I hate you! I wish you were never born!” 

The knife was lifted into the air. 

The knife was pushed into Akane’s small, fragile body. 

“Because of you, I can never be free!” The knife made its way to her stomach. She watched as her mother cried, as she wept and sobbed. Akane mirrored her mother and cried. She felt guilty for living and causing someone, especially her own mother, this much pain. As she watched the knife be lifted in the air again, she let a scream crawl its way from her throat. It came out garbled since she was choking on her own blood. She grabbed the blade and pushed it away from her body with all the strength that was left in her bloodied body. Through it all she screamed Satoru’s name, hoping that he heard her and would save her. Akane’s bedroom wall imploded on itself and two boys raced through. Suguru tackled her mother to the ground, effectively saving Akane. Satoru ran to her side and wrapped her in bedsheets, trying to stop the bleeding. The young girl looked over at her mother and noticed how she didn’t look human anymore, how she looked like a curse. 

She screamed and screamed at her daughter, blaming her, hating her. 

“I hate you! I wish you were never born!” Suguru stabbed her. The screaming turned into slurred, garbled speech.

Suguru had never seen someone actively turn into a curse before that night. He watched Akane’s mother turn into a curse right before his eyes, and just like so many times before he absorbed the girl’s mother. He hoped she would never see her mother ever again. 

Satoru rushed Akane to Shoko’s room, knowing she could save the girl. As they were leaving, Akane had three words falling from her lips.

“I love you.” 

When Akane woke back up she was in the medical bay, Shoko was watching over her. 

“Oh, you’re awake,” She pulled out her phone, “ Gojo, she woke up just now.” Shoko walked over to her and began to assess her. About half way through, the door slammed open and in ran Satoru, with Suguru not far behind. 

“You scared me! My lovely little sister scared me!” He threw himself onto her, but made sure he wasn’t actually hurting her. Suguru quickly joined them and all three of them curled up together while Shoko finished her tests. 

Later that day the four of them spent the night in Shoko’s room, it was the farthest away from the incident that happened last night. Their time together was spent goofing off and acting as children and above all else, making Akane feel loved. 

When he thought everyone else was asleep, Satoru pulled Akane closer to him and saw that she, too, hadn’t gone to bed.

“Can’t sleep,” he asked. She shook her head.

“I don’ know if I like who I am. Mother didn’ like me.” Satoru’s heart ached for her. He had been watching over the girl, mainly just keeping her company since he was 13, she was one. Their parents struck a deal to essentially groom the young girl into being a weapon for him if he desires. Though Satoru didn’t know how a measly toddler could be seen as one. 

He saw Akane all the time as he got older, when he moved into the dorms the two were practically inseparable. In fact when he introduced Suguru and Shoko to her, he referred to her as his little sister, in return she began to call him ‘toru-nii’. 

“You know, you don’t have to be who you were completely, you could be someone else. You could rise from the ashes like that one bird from Harry Potter!” She giggled quietly and rolled her eyes, although she didn’t know how to do that quite yet, so she just looked up. 

“Phoenix Fawkes, you're there when Sugu-nii reads them too, should at least remember the names.” Satoru rolled his eyes and poked her forehead. 

“You do know we love you, right? I love you. You bring us, me, so much happiness, love, and you deserve those things too. You deserve affection. (Y/n), do you know what that means? It can means ‘love and affection.’ We could call you that if you want.” 

The young girl looked up at him and smiled like he was the greatest thing to ever happen to her. He watched as she began to be overtaken by dreams, he wished they would remain happy ones. 

“I wan’ t’do that, dad.” Ak- (Y/n) drifted to sleep, and Satoru couldn't help but let out the biggest, brightest smile the world had ever seen. This was the greatest thing that could ever happen to him. (Y/n) had never called him that before, although there had been a few times where she nearly did. He couldn’t be happier than he was at this moment. He pulled the girl as close as he could without hurting her. 

In the darkness of the room he met Suguru’s eyes. He smiled at Satoru and placed his hand on top of his. 

 ─── ⋆⋅ November 2017 ⋅⋆ ───

“My dad gave it to me. I was five at the time and he wanted me to be able to choose who I would become, to let go of my biological family and move forward. To have a constant reminder that I’m loved and deserve to be happy. Some people call me Akane to piss me off, some do it because they don’t know or simply don’t care.” Yuuta looked at the girl and he knew that she must have been through something that most wouldn’t have recovered from. 

“I thought you and your family don’t talk.” 

“I talk to my older brother sometimes.I guess you wouldn’t know since you aren’t familiar with the politics and all that, but he was here for the Sister School exchange event, he goes to the Kyoto school. In fact he’s the only remotely tolerable one from my family, although I don’t go out of my way to interact with them. I don’t talk to anyone from there anymore besides him, his name is Noritoshi. He doesn’t really know how to speak for himself and it annoys me, but he respects my decision to leave even if he thinks it was a stupid idea.” 

“Oh, the one with the shut eyes?” 

“They’re narrow, but yeah, that’s him.” 

Yuuta looked at her the whole time, giving her his undivided attention. In that moment she realized she liked the feeling of his eyes on her, her skin didn’t itch as much. 

“Like Maki,” he asked. She sighed.

“Fortunately I never spent more than a couple days at the estate at a time. I grew up here, actually. My mother gave a huge amount of money to the school to let me stay here. That and Yaga and her were friends I think.  Maki had to live with them for years. I didn’t, I had the privilege to live away from them in a loving family.” 

Yuuta looked like he had more to ask, but she saw Satoru sit down next to her. He saw her smile and bump her shoulder with his, no Infinity to get in the way. 

“Hi, sensei!” He grinned at the two.

“What were my beloved students talking about? Anything interesting?” 

“My name.” Satoru looked at her through his bandages and saw her staring at the sky, running her fingers over her clothes, where the scars were, are. 

“That’s a different kind of interesting, (Y/n). You know I think I did a great job helping you pick that name out! It suits you.” Yuuta looked over confused, he was about to speak up when the girl tapped his shin with her foot, luckily he got the idea and closed his mouth. 

“I’m the one that agreed with you, so get off your high horse, sensei.” The two let out twin laughs as Satoru got up. ‘A meeting with the muscle man,’ he said. Before Yuuta even had a chance to speak, she beat him to the punch.

“He raised me. I only call him Gojo or sensei when talking around at school. To me he’ll always be toru-nii.”

“You said your father gave you that name.” She smiled.

“I said my dad did. Not my father.”

“Oh... Does he know you see him as a dad,” he asked. She nodded her head. 

“C’mon Okkotsu, let's practice.” He stared up at the girl as she offered her hand to him. He grabbed it and pulled himself up. 

He liked the way her hand felt against his, though he didn’t know if Rika would appreciate the thought.

_____________________________________________________________

lmk if you would like to join!

Taglist:

@staygoldsquatchling02

the next chapter, 'family bonding' should be out Saturday, September 2nd! thank you so much for reading and I will make sure to get a masterlist in place soon!

-honney

[vintagepresley]

I think I'm a little late on this subject but that's ok. I read a lot of things about this new movie Priscilla that made me really scared of the evil of people, So many people on Tik Tok and Tumblr saying inhumane things like, 'Good thing Lisa died before she saw what a monster her mother was' or people saying that Cilla should be abused, killed and things like that. Don't get me wrong, I personally believe that everyone has the full right to express their own opinions (specifically about things or artists that you like) but this is getting genuinely scary.... You have the complete right to be disappointed or upset with Cilla but threatening her and saying mean things about Lisa's passing is completely inhumane! It's okay to express your opinions, but the moment your "opinions" violate other people's rights as human beings, they stop being "opinions" and start to become hate speech. I don't want to seem rude or anything like that, I just think there is a limit to everything.

(English is not my mother tongue so sorry for any mistakes)

I want to start off by saying that I agree with you. Everyone has the right to their opinions until those opinions go too far and become borderline scary and well.. just bat shit crazy. I’ve seen a lot of this as well and it’s honestly sad. I get that people hate her or dislike, whatever. That’s valid and everyone is entitled to their feelings and opinions. But wishing death, abuse or wishing murder on someone is so sick and ridiculous to me. I understand people hate her.. But when do we take things too far? On top of that if Elvis were to hear the the way people are wishing these things on her I doubt he’d be happy. I feel like people who say things like that forget the kind of person Elvis was and that was not someone who wished death or horrible things onto people no matter what.

For someone to wish something like that on a person you have to be very sick and twisted and honestly full of hate. Which all I have to know is how do you sleep at night? It’s not like she committed some like sick crime or something to warrant such disgusting things like that. It’s really not that deep. Then when they bring Lisa into it that baffles me. She knew her mother better than we will ever know. She clearly didn’t hate her mother as much as people claim or hoped she did. I can imagine she too would be disgusted by the things people are saying about her mother. Because I don’t know if people realize she’s always defended her mother. Whether people like that or not. It’s true. Just like any parent and child they had their issues. It’s normal. I mean, hey, if everyone has a perfect relationship with their mother then cheers to you! But being in the public eye the way they were because of Elvis it probably wasn’t easy on either of them. I’d also like to point out that the only two books written about Elvis that Lisa read and only ever liked written about him was her mother’s and Jerry’s.

But I digress. I don’t wanna rant any further. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. But as you said.. Until those opinions become hate speech and death threats.

(Also your English is perfectly fine!)

[newhologram]

Every time I talk about how bullying typically happens to people for harmless things such as neurodivergence, disability, ethnicity, body type, sexuality, and gender—I hear these really worrying “defenses” against bullying. 

And get told “maybe if you weren’t weird you wouldn’t have gotten bullied.” I wonder what they think was so horrible about little kid me that needed to be corrected via abuse? I mean, I got bullied for being hairy too. And that’s racism, but okay. How are they going to defend that? Say it was necessary for me to be bullied into shaving my body and getting my face waxed starting at age 8? Umm. 

Pro-bullying people (usually, bullies who started early and/or were bullied themselves but have internalized that they were Weird and Wrong) try to frame bullying as a necessary form of “rehab” for “weird” people—including situations like “She was fat and got bullied for it, now she’s skinny! So it actually helped her.” No… Most likely, statistically? She has an anxiety disorder, eating disorder, and low self worth. How is that a good thing? Just because she’s skinny now? Gtfo. 

Bullying is abuse. Period. I want to have faith that humanity can one day be above this kind of “actually we should be allowed to torture people for being different.”

But seeing so much pushback against anti-bullying is, uh. It sure says a lot about people. I don’t want to be human anymore if I have to share that label with people who think inflicting pain until someone conforms is a good thing. 

Also you know bullies who didn’t get help (actual rehabilitation) as kids grew up to be abusive coworkers, partners, parents. I’ve seen first hand how the bullies in my family now bully the new generation. And how the new generation is already bullying each other. 

Only they don’t think of themselves as bullies. They all justify it somehow in their head. This is how it perpetuates. They give themselves a big pat on the back for “making people stronger” and then “thank” their own bullies for “teaching them empathy.” How about don’t bully in the first place? Wild idea, I know.

Sorry. I have compassion for whatever miserable void makes people bully. But I cannot and will not ever believe we should “bring back bullying” as some people like to comment on my posts.

[c4rdkingd0m]

Don’t trust your counselors: a warning post made by the Card Kingdom Collective

Happy new year everyone! Sorry for our inactivity lately, we’ve been going through some stuff. Today I finally built up the courage to talk about something that’s been bothering us, and I hope this reaches anyone who needs to hear it so that they don’t go through what we’ve had to be through these past few weeks.

//cw: Implied outing, trauma/abuse, alter dormancy, and overall sensitivite stuff :(

We usually don’t trust adults unless they’re people in the system. However, this year at our new school someone opened up about our DID to our counselors, and next thing we know we’re being called into their office every now and then to talk about it. Now, the rule at our school is that these counselors do not have to say anything to our parents unless it regards $H or $uicid3. So we felt safe, and decided to try trusting them for once. We never brought up anything of that sort to said counselors, and had no major problems with them other than one or two breakdowns they witnessed. Things were going well!

And then, it all crumbled.

These counselors had no legitimate reason to do this, but they called in our parents and told them everything. They even outed us and our preferred name, with no correlation to the situation at hand! So now, our parents know what we have confided to these counselors about our DID, and even know the names of some headmates. Since then we’ve been off of school and have been forced to be around our parents almost 24/7. Mind you, our parents are both unsupportive and have given us the majority of our trauma, so this past week or two have been very, very difficult for us. We’ve even had one of our main protectors go d0rmant from all the stress. We’ve been bombarded with threats, religious acts which make us very uncomfortable due to trauma, huge blackout periods that make me wonder if something bigger happened, constant anxiety, and the overall severe worsening of our mental health. All because the counselors who we trusted such sensitive information with decided to blab for essentially no reason other than that they wanted to.

So today, I want to make this as clear as I can:

DON’T TRUST YOUR COUNSELORS IF YOURE IN A DANGEROUS ENVIRONMENT. DON’T TRUST YOUR THERAPISTS IF YOU’RE IN A DANGEROUS ENVIRONMENT. NEVER TELL THE FULL STORY TO ANYONE. AND PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE IN, IF YOU HAVE A SERIOUS DISORDER CAUSED BY SOMEONE IN YOUR LIFE LIKE A PARENT, DO NOT. TRUST. ANYONE.

We made these mistakes despite the warnings and paid the price. Please, don’t do what we did.

Stay safe everyone.

Sincerely,

Noelle and Kris of the Card Kingdom Collective

[alyjojo]

Family Ties 🤍 - July 2023 - Aries

Overall energy: Page of Wands

Dad is the issue, that’s mentioned all over this reading. Not only are you fire, your parents both come up as fiery 🔥 people too, and there’s a lot of drama between them because of Dad…probably cheating, and running off with some new love, that’s mentioned twice with Ace of Cups. You do not have a positive view of him at ALL, you find that he’s abused his power as a father and husband, could be someone dominating, controlling…actual abuse is possible, which is further clarified by emotional manipulation and immature behavior from a grown ass individual. He is pretty much the reason for everything wrong, that’s been agreed upon by everyone. You could get quite heated over the topic of him. Hopefully not at me, I hear ya, and I’m sorry about all of this 🙏

Mother: 5 Wands & Queen of Wands

Mom is drama, could be a fire sign, and could act more like a sibling than parent/child. They tend to compete with you, like if you look good that day, Mom would make sure to look even better. Could be the type to wear white at your wedding, type of energy. They instigate. You could be the same way with them. Someone is always apologizing to the other, and then one of you starts some other drama to have to apologize for. It’s like you/they/both feed off of the attention & drama you bring to each other. They feel really immature. They could like to doll themselves up around your friends or something, like there are CLEAR lines of things you don’t do, and they don’t seem to mind bulldozing right over them. Forcing you to confront issues left and right, as an Aries that’s your specialty so…joke’s on her. She is the type to say one thing and then impulsively do whatever she wants. This could also all be your energy, and she’s the one with a problem with it, you two have conflicts often. I really don’t get it’s you, but that’s possible, or at times, out of revenge, maybe. Still, you’re loyal to Mom…but possibly out of guilt…those are feelings that really need to be looked at more closely, because I get a heavy toxic vibe, specifically how she interacts with *you*. No one else. If you feel like something is wrong, too much, unfair, uncalled for, I’m pretty much getting that it is. You two could have a toxic Lilith aspect/conjunction in your synastry chart…if you’re into that sort of thing. Or she’s narcissistic, that’s possible too.

Father: 2 Wands & 5 Swords rev

Hmm…you’re not going to like this. Dad blames Mom for needing to leave. “She’s drama”, I keep hearing that, and I’m sure you already know that. They probably fought a LOT, petty competitions, nasty words being said with 5 Swords here, both of them trying to prove a point and trump the other one. There’s no love in that, just inflated egos exploding, it led to unhappiness & that’s all. The part that’s wrong is the part where he probably got involved while still with her, and left for another person. It turned him into “the bad guy”, when really he was just tired of fighting, conflicted over doing anything about it, and someone came his way to make him actually decide to leave. You’re directly underneath him, reversed, not speaking to him. He would like to change that, but isn’t quite sure how to. I think a lot of this reading is explaining his side of things, I’m getting Mom is very loud and demands to be heard over anyone else…ok, he has a side too. Then you can think it all over for yourself, and make up your own mind, cuz I’m kinda getting Mom doesn’t like you to do that.

Siblings: Ace of Swords & 8 Pentacles

I get one, they are very happy with what they do for work, but whatever that work is doesn’t pay enough, so it’s like they either live at home or are constantly borrowing money. Their passions don’t fund their bills, but they’re not irresponsible either. I heard “teacher”, that could be what they do, or is relatable in comparison salary wise and not making what they deserve! They’re actually very responsible and can handle just about anything thrown at them, but they’re not super independent and I get it’s because they can’t be. Not if they want to be who they want to be, at least for now, they need help. This could also show them as being a single parent and maybe Mom helps them with free babysitting and stuff like that. They could be significantly older/younger than you, enough that there’s a bit of emotional distance and not relating too easily, different generations even.

Grandparents: King of Wands, The Hierophant & Ace of Cups

These are Dad’s parents, you may not have much of a relationship with them either. It mirrors what Dad has done, but they won’t fight for him because they can’t. He’s their kid, they have to go along with what he decides and what makes him happy. They don’t know whether they agree with him, or what they can even do about it, he’s calling the shots and they just support him however they can. I get no hate on Mom, you, or anyone else, they’re just put into a position there’s nothing they can do. Dad has made his bed, and he has a side but they stay pretty impartial about it. Mom could be pushing away his side of the family, or constantly talking about them negatively so that you won’t try to form relationships with them, which is wrong. It’s normal to be hurt, but you can’t sabotage your kid’s life because of that yanno…lots of love to you 🤗

Spiritual Ancestors: 5 Cups, 4 Pentacles, Knight of Pentacles, Strength

Your ancestors are sad you’ve held onto grudges, negativity, and held back love for such a long time. And have been held back from love too. I’m getting that many of these issues do not belong to you, it’s like a repeated rant you’ve heard that’s formed how you feel and see things, but do not necessarily believe or feel yourself. Brainwashing, more or less. The Sun here is about recognition. Seeing the light ☀️ What has anyone done to you personally? Which of these grudges are yours? Are you fighting Mom’s battle and carrying her cross? The World shows enough is enough, it’s all over with and you don’t need to do this anymore. You never did. Take as much time as you need, but try to see things objectively, and see your family as the imperfect humans they are. Not to judge, just to understand. I see nothing about reconnecting with people, no one is forcing you, not even Spirit. They’re just saying the door is unlocked if you want to open it up. Dad is made out to be a monster and Mom…is really the one that is the manipulator. That doesn’t mean fight about it or flip sides because war is WAR, pick a side, no - just see it for what it is. For your own sake. Aries tend to be warriors, and especially for their Moms, I’m just getting that you’re old enough now to understand both sides, and you can separate yourself from their narrative. It was never your burden to have to carry, and a lot of this has been unfair to you on both sides ❤���

Oracle:

Generosity

You can afford to be generous with the gift of your time and attention.

999 is here with this card and both 9’s in your sibling’s energy. You being generous with them would mean more than anything, because I get they may not be your priority or maybe they feel like they don’t play much of a role in your life. But you could change that, if you want.

Transformation

Allow the energy of fear to be transformed by love, creativity, and compassion.

4444 is here with Transformation, and the negative perceptions & grudges in you (or drilled into you) - about your father. You don’t even have to forgive, just try to seek understanding & peace. Own *your own* perspective. Healing you is the whole point of this reading.

[thissacrificeisnecxesary]

Okay I know a lot of people explain away Roman’s weird bullshit with like he has molested face and he certainly does but also I think, I don’t know what feels more real to me is he’s like visibly sexually unfulfilled and I think it has a lot to do with the way logan and the environment he was raised in as a whole introduced themes of like unhealthy power dynamics especially in a sexual light like we see the way logan is about women and the cruises situation and whatever. I’m not totally denying the molested face allegations because once again. So true. But I don’t think that’s the solitary reason I think it’s more that he internalized a lot of these weird sexual dynamics he witnessed and then, felt ashamed - which then turned into his weird outspoken nonsense it’s kind of like how. When you’re a kid and you’re lying to your parents about taking drugs instead of saying no I did not take drugs you kind of sarcastically are like oh yeah mom we were just smoking some crack. Like over exaggerating to the degree that if the people hearing you don’t think you’re joking then they’re the crazy ones. And we see the repression of his weird sex shit with Gerri very clearly like logan can fuck his assistants as much as he wants but the second it’s an older woman it’s disgusting and she’s a million years old. Not to mention the gay stuff. I think he’s just as sexually repressed as you can possibly be for a multitude of reasons one of which may be getting touched in a bathroom I mean fuck he’s so so so sosososo weird about the bathroom like I swear to god he has a fucking bathroom motif. Everytime this man enters a bathroom something awful happens. The fucking space launch, Gerri bathroom, Mattson piss phone. I don’t know. It’s weird that that is a significant location for Roman what could that possibly mean outside of, bathroom molested like sorry?? And I mean obviously the bathroom molestation plays a substantial role in his sexual repression like his development being disturbed like that obviously does some fuck shit to your brain I just think there’s more going on here. Like the incest I don’t think he’s the only one pulling the incest okay. Like I know logan grabbing shivs hand was mostly cause he was fucked up on drugs but also they put it in there so you’ll see it you know what I mean? Like it has to mean something and I think he’s more than a little casual with his kids about I dunno his general grossness. Roman is not the only one to comment on it and the way they spectate on their dad’s sex life is weird!! They’re way too involved. But also I mean I think part of the all of the incest is just to show the viewer that they’re like way too sickly close to eachother. Like the reason logan works well with the older staff is because they’re not related so they kind of can stay out of Logans personal business in a sense and just do their jobs but the kids are just wayyyy too involved. So maybe they’re just trying to generate a feeling of like. Unease in the viewer like get these fucking freaks away from eachother. I dunno!! And I can’t talk about Roman without talking about the dog cage holy shit what!! I know a lot of people take that as Ken being gross with him but I dunno I guess I take it more literally, like it’s an obvious display of the dominant sibling which is another thing like if we’re meant to implore that shit like this happened all the time then it’s really no surprise Roman internalized some of that shit in a sexual manner like feelings of that nature regardless of wether or not something actually happened to him have a tendency to materialize into something sexual -> mommy stuff. I think more than looking into Roman’s childhood contrasted with his adulthood and wondering where the exact moment it is someone turned him into a pervert we ought to look at it and just see the way his freak brain has taken instances of child abuse or affection or something traumatic or normal happenstance whatever and turned those feelings into sexual ones. Maybe cause he got molested or otherwise! Cause who really knows that shit anyway

[angeliccstories]

Fatal Disaster

      I’m tired of all this. I’m not taken into consideration and the way he treats me is horrible. I don’t know how much I can take. I have given my life to this man and all he does is abuse me. My parents named me Stacy so my life may be fruitful but the life I am living right now seems to be taking a lot more away than giving. “Stace hello, are you okay? Can you hear me?” I can hear Leah talking but my lips can’t even move to answer her. I am way too distraught by everything that’s been going on. “Stacy, earth to Stacy hello.” I finally replay “Yes Leah what, how can I help?” She goes on with her questions, simple irritating me. “What’s going on with you, this is not like you. You’ve been so out of touch to the point where I’ve forgotten who you are. You don’t call or come by the house anymore what’s going..” I interrupt and say “Please I’m just tired and extremely pregnant that’s all.” Leah answers “Yeah I can understand that but this is not like you, pregnant or not. You did not act this weird when you were pregnant with Talia. TT is getting older I don’t think she should see you like this. Look at your place, it’s a mess. Please tell me what’s wrong?” At this point I have this despairing look on my face and I say “Leah I really don’t have the energy to talk about this right now, just leave it.” And she replies “Stace I’ve been your best friend for more than 10 years. I know you better than you know yourself. This is not like you. Where is Michael? Why isn’t he here taking care of you or at least hire someone to help? This is ridiculous.” I mean she’s right, Michael is never here and when he is we’re either fighting or he’s putting his hands on me. I don’t even know how I’ve carried this baby to full term without complications or a miscarriage. And I can only imagine how my daughter feels. I really wish I could just run but who will take care of us? I have nothing but this house, my dad is gone and I have no other family. I'm stuck. Sometimes I truly wish my mom wasn’t such a dead beat. I wish I knew why she left, maybe I can understand why my self esteem is so low because it definitely doesn’t come from my father. My dad was loved by the people around him. Confident, fearless, and resilient and now that I'm going through this difficult time I can’t even go to him for safety. He would of killed Michaels giant ego and disrespect before it could even get to this point. “Stacy your mind is wondering again, I'm worried about you.” I respond “I’ll be fine Leah, honestly you’re stressing me out so I think you should leave before Mike gets home.” She gets frustrated and yells “NO, I'm not leaving until I talk to him!!” At this point I had no choice but to push her out of my home to refrain her from talking anymore. I hate the fact that I'm treating my best friend like dirt but right now it’s not the time because he will be home soon.

     Now I'm trying to gather myself together because Michael is about to get home from work. I hate the anxiety I have to endure knowing that he comes home every night with a different attitude. As soon as I hear the keys jingle at the door I prepare for whatever is about to happen. Michael walks in and goes straight to the bathroom. He yells out “Bring me some toilet paper, why do I always have to remind you what to do? I bring him the toilet paper and after he’s finished he walks out and slaps me. I quickly fell to my knees and started sobbing. “Michael why do you do this to me when all I want to do is love you. I'm nothing but good to you and you treat me like trash. I don’t know how much longer I can take this.” And per usual he feels guilty and tries to apologize. “Baby I'm so sorry, I had a long day. But you should know better than to upset me.” I look at him with so much hate in my heart. How can he blame me for his abusive actions. How did I end up here? We used to me so in love, I didn’t have a care in the world when he would look at me and say “You’re my princess and I will never let you down.” The love he showed me at first was the love I felt from my father. I thought he was a good man but unfortunately I was wrong and ended up with a maniac. I mean, who hits a pregnant woman? Michael doesn’t take me out anymore, he doesn’t buy me nice things, or even give me words of love and encouragement. I guess it was all a trick to get me right where he wanted me. I swear if he puts his hands on me one more time I'm going to lose it, I am so close to the edge. He grabs my hand to help me up and says “Stacy if only you knew the day I had. Please fetch me some food I'm starving.” I just stood there with a sinister look. “I said NOW , hurry up!” he’s back to yelling at me. I wish there was a way we could fix all this but at this extent I have enabled him for way to long and I don’t think he will change. I love him with all my heart but at what cost.

     It’s the next morning and I wake up bright and early. I take a shower and clean myself up. I have decided to no longer live like this, I deserve better for me and my children. Talia walks in to the kitchen and sits down as I serve her breakfast. The sadness in her eyes brings a fire out in me. I know and she knows that her father is good for nothing. I just thank God that he hasn’t put his hands on her, so I think. She looks up at me and asks “Is dad up yet?” I replied “No baby why do you ask?” Now her look of sadness has turned into fear. “Mom I have to tell you something.” Okay at this point I'm worried and I don’t know what disaster this could be. Nothing good ever happens to us. With love and compassion I ask “What is it baby? Talk to me and tells me what’s wrong.” I can tell by the way her body is shaking that this is bad news. I fear what she’s about to say next. “TT I need you to talk and tell me, now come on speak. I didn’t teach you to be silent.” At that very moment I thought being married to Michael was the worst thing I could of ever done, but what I was about to hear next was ten times worse. “Mom, dad came in my room last night while you were asleep.” My eyes get wide. “Your room? What did he go in your room for? What happened ?” Before she could even tell me I already knew what was next. “Mom he came in my room and and..” in desperation I yell “And what Talia!?” She covers her ears and says “He forced himself on me mom, he touched me. And he made sure to cover my mouth so I wouldn’t scream. Mom he’s been doing this ever since I turned 15, I'm scared mom I can’t take it. Everything that he does to you, to this family. Mom we need to leave, we need to leave mom please I'm begging you.” I zone out, all I hear are the cries of my daughter and my heart thumping out of my chest. I no longer can shed a tear because right now all I feel is rage. And with a calm voice I tell my daughter to go to her room, lock the door, call her aunty Leah and put her headphones as loud as she can. I didn’t want my daughter to hear what was about to go down. I'm done, he has caused enough pain to this family and I won’t allow it anymore.

     While all this is going on Michael is still sound asleep as if his priorities are in order. Although we were still together we were no longer a family. I felt my blood boiling, rising up to the highest temperature. I took my pepper spray because the monster that I have created was going to pay the biggest price of them all. I storm into the room, “WAKE UP MICHAEL! WAKE THE HELL UP!” He jumps out his sleep “Woman have you lost your damn mind, do you want me to get out this bed?” I look at him as if he’s already dead to me “Please, please do so I can finally show you what it feels like.” He looked at me with confusion as if he was hearing things, “What did you just say?” I pull the blanket off him with aggression and slowly whispered “Get out of that bed because I'm about to kill you.” He jumps out and tries to hit me but I quickly pepper sprayed him. Michael starts screaming in agony but to be honest I don’t really care. “What happened to you Michael? Why have you done this to us?” he tries to get up to hit me again but I already had the bat in my hand and I whacked him in the leg. I start crying hopelessly, “Why Michael, what kind of man does this to their daughter? YOU’RE SICK. You need help. Talia told me what you did you sick asshole!” He doesn’t give up and tries to attack me again and this time he charged at me like a line backer and we both fell down the stairs, all the while I'm holding my stomach praying that my baby is okay. “She’s lying!” Michael says with a shaky voice. “Don’t lie to me, it will only make me more angry.” I grab the bat from the end of the stairs and start beating him with it. And this time I kept going, I didn’t stop. It’s like something came over me, all the anger I dealt with on my own for the last 8 years was finally spilling out. “AHH Stacy STOP PLEASE.” He cries out “Oh now you’re the one begging me to stop? What happened when I pleaded over and over again for you to stop? Where was the sympathy then?” I kept hitting him some more until I seen blood gushing out from his head. I finally felt relief when I just saw him laying there. I even smiled, I was free, at last I can breathe again. Next thing you know I hear the door opening, I turn around and its Leah. She walks in and closes the door faster than I swung that bat. “Stacy oh my God.” I walk over to the couch as Leah sees that I'm covered in blood and Michael is lying lifeless. She goes to check on Talia and tells her not to come out her room. While Leah walks around anxiously looking for the phone to call 911 I tell her “Sit down we need to talk.”

[dreamwritesimagines]

Dream! I can’t decide who I’m most mad at, Clover, Benedict, or you! (Kidding, of course!) this chapter is amazing, the pain is so real! Really well written!

Their lack of communication is so huge, and so relatable. Clover should have asked him to stay when he offered, and Benedict should have known that if Clover wanted to talk at dinner then it was important. But so often in relationships we can be so bad at talking to one another about what we need.

And man that fight, clover really knew where to hit Benedict. Im worried about how quickly she lost control - it was so easy for her to lose her trust in him after one miscommunication, and to not be able to stay calm and rational. I really hope Clover is able to see that her trauma is causing her to make rash decisions and hurt others as well - it’s not just about being able to trust Benedict and his actions, but also being able to recognize her own trauma and learning how to react and work through situations when she is triggered. Not to go too personal, but I definitely have trauma from a past emotionally abusive relationship, and sometimes when something triggers me and I want to go straight to defensiveness or pretend everything is fine so I don’t have to talk about it, I’ll have to stop and say to my current partner, “look, I know I have baggage attached to (whatever the issue is), but this is how it’s making me feel and here’s why.” And that helps us both figure out how to deal with whats going and and better see where we’re both coming from. But it also took us a long time to get there, and I would imagine for Clover, having been so young when she was abused, she hasn’t developed those kinds of coping and communication skills. And, even knowing some about her past, Benedict has never had to deal with trauma like this, and doesn’t know how to spot when she’s being avoidant or know how to help her through it.

I’m wondering if Clover will eventually be the one to tell Benedict about the letter from her parents, or if he’s going to find out about the situation from someone else? I think knowing about the letter will help him understand she’s reacting from a place of pain and panic, but if someone else tells him, I think he’ll also be hurt that she didn’t tell him initially. I’m sure he never would have left if he’d know what was going on and she hadn’t insisted she was fine.

Anyway, wondeful as always! I can’t wait for the next chapter!

Awww thank you so much love! 🥰❤️

Exactly! I think that sort of lack of communication is something almost all of us have been through, something being important to us but the other person misses that or vice versa❤️ In Clover's case, it clashed with her trauma💔

You're absolutely right, she knows where to hit to make it hurt💔 I think in her situation, it goes either way, she either shuts down or lashes out because that's what she has experienced in her home life, and she ended up doing both with Benedict instead of explaining what was happening ❤️

I'm so sorry to hear that about your past relationship, but it's wonderful to hear that you have a safe relationship now where you can have open and honest communication! ❤️❤️

Yessss for Benedict, it's rather hard to understand the signs of her trauma (except for the wrist rubbing thing) because he has never dealt with that before, and he also never really had to answer to anyone where he had been before, or like...have these kind of responsibilities 😁

I think he will be so shocked when he hears because he is one of the very few people who knows about her home life, so he always assumed if something like that happened, she would immediately tell him and yet...😏

More angst is comiiiing! ❤️

[loopy-froots]

Childhood Friends

Brahms Heelshire x afab!Reader

Author: @loopy-froots

Word Count: 3261 (WOW wtf…)

Slight request by @leahromanof : small age gap (Brahms is 26-28 and the reader is 20)

Summary: The Reader grew up very close to the Heelshire family, as their parents were business partners with them. However, after the fire incident, Brahms and the Reader took some space from each other. While the Reader knew Brahms was still alive, they didn’t know under the circumstances he was. When a sudden tragedy strikes their family, the Reader is left with no home. The Heelshire family offer their home with welcoming arms, but much has changed between all of them since they have last seen each other.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, swearing, slasher x reader, smut, virgin/unprotected sex (masc and fem), abusive parents (fem), insecurities (on both parts), slight age gap (6ish years?), a slight size kink (if you squint?), etc.

Author’s Note: I wasn’t too sure what to write for the age gap so I hope this is good enough!!! I also threw in a lot of personal needs I’ve been having, so I hope y’all don’t mind! Feel free to let me know your thoughts!!!

~~~

*2nd Person POV*

You couldn’t believe this was happening. You were finally going to see your beloved childhood friend, Brahms Heelshire, again after close to ten years of separation. You wished this was not under these circumstances, as you never intended to cause your family such turmoil.

“Y/n! Come in, why don’t you?” Mr. Heelshire exclaims as he opens his front door. He must have seen you walk up their driveway. You can see Mrs. Heelshire inside, but she shares a concerning expression. Trying to brush it off, you step inside and am greeted by the warmth of the house. It was a terribly chilly winter day, and the walk there exhausted you.

“Come, dear! Let me get you a cup of tea to warm you up! You look rather frozen!” Mrs. Heelshire snaps out of her funk and laughs al0ng with her husband. Their jovial attitude makes you feel rather welcomed and loved.

“I cannot thank you enough, Mr. and Mrs. Heelshire… I… I’m terribly sorry that this all happened… especially so suddenly…” You look down with embarrassment.

“Nonsense! We’re always happy to have you, Y/n! Our home is yours!” Mr. Heelshire smiles at you, but you get a somewhat urgent vibe from him. You’re not sure how to feel about it, but you figure since they’re being ever so kind you were in no position to question.

“Now, dear… why don’t you tell us exactly what happened… Perhaps we may help with your parents’ situation?” Mrs. Heelshire gently suggests, but you shake your head in disagreement.

“Unfortunately, I’m not sure that’s possible… you see, I recently came out to my parents as non-binary… they’ve never been overly supportive of that kind of stuff, but I knew I couldn’t hide myself any longer…” You explain shamefully.

“Oh my… that is a rather difficult predicament, hm? However, we want you to know that we fully support you… in fact, our own Brahms considers himself genderfluid,” Mrs. Heelshire shares, which honestly makes you feel less alone.

“Really? I… I had no idea… Thank you, but speaking of which… where is Brahms…? Does he still live with you?” You wonder.

“Oh, um… yes… he does, but he’s grown to be rather… timid… so he doesn’t always come out when people are visiting…” Mr. Heelshire explains swiftly, and you try to understand. You don’t fully know what he’s been through, so who are you to judge his social anxieties?

“That’s alright. Well, I just hope he knows how excited I am to see him again…” You confess, causing a surprised reaction from the Heelshire couple.

“Really? Well, that’s certainly wonderful! I’m sure he'll become more open to meeting you after he gets used to you being in the house…” Mrs. Heelshire states with a gentle smile, and you nod your head in agreement.

With that, you are then taken on a tour of the house. You’re shown areas you can and cannot wander to, and you mentally note each location that’s off limits. You’d never want to make the Heelshires uncomfortable, despite how curious you were. They show you to your room, which you immediately recognize as Brahms’ childhood room.

“Oh wow! This looks exactly how I remembered it!” You giggle.

“I’m glad you’re fond of it still, as Brahms insisted you take his room for your own… comfort…” Mr. Heelshire shares, but something tells you he’s not entirely being honest. However, you ignore the feeling bubbling up in your stomach.

“Well, feel free to unpack your things dear. As we mentioned before, we are planning on going on a trip within the next few days. So it will be just you and Brahms for a while…” Mrs. Heelshire reminds you, and you shiver slightly for some reason.

“Oh, yes… Well, I hope the two of you enjoy it!” You politely respond.

~~~

“Goodbye, dear! And remember, follow the rules and you’ll get no trouble from our dear Brahms!” The Heelshires bid you farewell and leave in their cab. Closing the door, you sigh in relief.

“Alright, follow the rules… I can do that… it’s the least I can do since they were so kind as to let me stay for a while…” You motivate yourself.

“Y/n…” A sudden familiar, childlike voice echoes through the house. You looked around to see who it came from, but you saw no one. It had to be Brahms, right? Who else could it have been, but where was he?

“B-Brahms?” You sheepishly call out. You hear no answer and suddenly feel quite stupid. Maybe you just heard the shifting of the house or imagined someone was calling your name?

“Alright, focus… first things first, making some lunch… hopefully he’ll come down to eat with me…?” You hope. You could’ve sworn you heard another childish giggle somewhere, but you try to shake the skittish feeling building up. You quickly make whatever you feel like for lunch, desperate to finish so that you can call Brahms down to eat.

“Um, Brahms? I… lunch is done… if you want some?” You yell throughout the house, but you hear no answer. Finally feeling defeat, you turn back to the kitchen and notice that one of the plates of food has disappeared.

“How did he get to it without me noticing?” You ask out loud. Every instinct within you tells you that something was wrong, but you tried your best to give the man some time to adjust to the new living situation.

“Y/n…?” In the middle of eating, you hear a now more adult version of the voice you heard earlier. You drop your fork in surprise and frantically look around for the source. You then see a tall and scruffy looking man standing at the end of the dining room. He was holding the plate that is now empty, and you figure that must be Brahms. He was very odd looking, in all honesty. He wore a porcelain mask that resembles the type of little dollies you used to keep as a kid.

“Oh, um… h-hello, Brahms…?” You try to be friendly towards him, despite the creepy feeling you got from him already. However, him not answering causes the suspicion to form again.

“Um… did you enjoy the meal I made for you?” You try to spark a conversation, but Brahms nonverbally nods in response.

“That’s good! I’m… glad…” You smile awkwardly at him, but his masked face remains expressionless. You shift uncomfortably in your seat, and Brahms notices the tense state you’re in. He begins to step closer to you, and sets his plate on the table. Sweating profusely, you wonder what he’s doing. He steps closer and closer to you until he’s directly in front of you. While you sit, he towers over you. You’d never admit it, but he’s very intimidating. However, you try your best to be polite.

“Is… everything alright, Brahms?” You ask innocently. He just stares at you, though, never saying a word. When you were about to get up and try to walk away, he grabs your arm and pulls you into him.

“B-Brahms…?!” You exclaim as he squeezes you in his broad arms. He’s rather warm, but trembling. Your heart relaxes when you realize he only wanted a hug.

“Y/n… nice to see you again…” He finally peeps out. Your cheeks heat up, but you lean into the embrace. The two of you just hold onto each other for a few moments, enjoying each other’s presence.

“Good to see you, too! I was worried you were upset with me for coming back after such a long time…” You try to pull away and look him in the eyes, but his grip keeps you there.

“Mm, no… not upset… lonely…” He breathes into your ear, sending a chill down your back. He was… lonely? That makes you feel bad… really bad… how could you leave him like you did after the incident?! It wasn’t completely your fault, as you parents were the main reason you stayed away. They told you what a dangerous person Brahms was, and they forbid you from being influenced by him in any way.

Additionally, your parents never liked how fond the two of you seemed towards each other, despite the slight age difference you had. Brahms was only six years older, and to you it didn’t matter for terms of friendship. However, your parents saw the attraction Brahms had towards you right away. As children, it only developed into a little crush, but the older the two of you got the more obvious it became, to the adults at least. You seemed quite oblivious to his attempts to woo you, as you had just thought he was being friendly.

“I…I’m sorry, Brahms… I should’ve… I wish I’d have… I’m sorry…” Tear well in your eyes as you look down from his gaze. Your focus then shifts to the ever growing bulge in his pants that you hadn’t noticed before.

“It’s alright… happy you’re here now…” Brahms strokes your hair with his free hand, and he leans into you. You feel him stroke your neck with his nose, seemingly trying to get a reaction out of you. Completely frozen, you felt unsure of what to do. All of the sudden, your head’s ideas clicked and made you realize the years of yearning he’d been doing for you.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t still have feelings for the boy you grew up with. You always admired how protective he was of you. You never admitted your affection towards him, though, as you thought he might react negatively. To you, the age difference acted as a barrier, but to him, it seemed he didn’t mind in the slightest. All he’s ever known was his love for you, despite the age gap. However, is this still the same boy as before? You probably barely knew him anymore. Then why were you getting so flustered over this simple interaction?

“Brahms?” You look back into his eyes with a curious glint. What was he planning with you?

“Hm?” He nonchalantly answers.

“Are you…?” You start, but then feel too embarrassed to finish.

“Yes,” He agrees without needing you to explain. You feel him jerk his hips into your stomach softly, desperate to get some friction between the two of you. As intoxicating as he was being, you still felt unsure of your stance with him.

“I’m not sure I want to… I mean, this is so soon… don’t you think?” You try to reason mainly with yourself to try and stop this from happening. With that, Brahms stops and pulls away from you with a pout.

“No?” He questions with sweet eyes.

“I… yes…?” You try to stand your ground with yourself again, but it’s no use. Brahms’ heartfelt pleading turns you to putty in his hands.

“Please?” He begs. With that, you finally agree, and he’s onto you. Groping all up and down your sides, front, and back, he feels every inch of your body as if he’s desperate to find something in you.

“Brahms… wait…?” You stop him again, realizing you hadn’t seen his actual face yet. You politely ask him to remove his mask, but he visibly slumps.

“Why…? You… don’t want to see me…” Brahms insecurely explains, but you shake your head.

“I do! Please…?” You whine as he continues to feel up your back. Brahms hesitates slightly, then agrees. With that, he slowly removes the porcelain from himself. This leaves his bare, burnt, and uncertain face into your view. You’re unsure of what to say at first, as your feelings are conflicted. However, you quickly decide to go with what your heart felt.

“You’re so handsome, Brahms…” You confess with a sheepish smile. He doesn’t respond, though, almost as if he’s debating what to say as well.

“Mm!” You moan through a sudden kiss he placed on your lips, making Brahms smile to himself in the kiss. He loved the way you reacted to his touch. He quickly realized you were feeling the same towards him, and that gave him the confidence to continue. You rapidly grew a certain heat in your pelvic area, but the feeling was still unfamiliar to you. Only on the rare occasion did you allow yourself the pleasure, but you felt guilty for it every time.

“Slut… whore… useless daughter…” Your parents’ past words radiate in your head, and a panic washes over your body. Brahms senses your inner conflict again, and stops once more.

“Y/n…?” He gently asks to see if you’re alright. Tears well up in your eyes as the guilt of disappointing your parents consumes you.

“I’m sorry, I just… my mom and dad would be so upset… I just feel so… lost…” You admit, and Brahms wipes your cheeks with his calloused hands.

“Mm, screw them…” He chuckles darkly.

“But…” You try to argue, but he shushes you instead.

“They’ve never been good to you, Y/n…” Brahms shares, and it confuses you at first. They’ve always given you food, shelter, and anything else a child would need.

“But they… they mean well…” You try to reason it out, but he still disagrees.

“I’ve been watching, listening to how they treat you your whole life, Y/n… the way they scream at you, gaslight you, disappoint you… that’s not love… that’s abuse…” Brahms whispers with a broken heart for you. The pain of realization hits you, but you try to muffle your cries with your hands over your mouth.

“I’m so sorry… I know how hard it is… but I… I want to love you… really love you…” He kisses the top of your head sweetly. His words fill your heart with hope that you might not be miserable the rest of your life.

“Really…? I mean, I would love that… but I don’t want to force you into anything…” You self doubt yourself.

“Absolutely. I mean, hell… why do you think I was doing all of this?” Brahms wonders, and you suppose he’s right.

“Yeah, true… I’m sorry, I just feel bad… but thank you, I’d love to… y’know…?” You admit with a shy grin, which he immediately returns.

“Good,” He smirks and kisses you again. This time, the kiss was much more desperate for the sweet result. Brahms shows no mercy for you this time as he begins biting your lips. Your little gasps invoke a strong sense of pride within him. He was making you feel this way, and he alone would make you feel good.

“Hm,” His deep voice rumbles in his chest. Your eyes flutter open and shut, unsure of how to go about this situation. Squirming around awkwardly, you then feel Brahms grab your waist as he lifts you up and onto the table.

“Ah! Brahms...?!” You yelp in surprise.

“Take off your shirt, Y/n.” He demands, already sliding his hands underneath. You timidly follow his instructions, removing your shirt and bra from your body. Brahms looks down from your face and onto your breasts. He adored them, so he ran his hands over them as he gave each nipple a cheeky pinch.

“Oh, Brahms…” Your eyes close in bliss, but he snaps your attention back to his eyes.

“Look at me,” He suggests sternly.

“O-okay…” You do as he wishes and stare deep into his icy eyes. He’s tender and gentle, but he still makes you feel so small next to him.

“You’re so pretty, Y/n… I’ve always loved you…” Brahms brushes a stray lock of hair out of your face, giving him a better view at your beauty.

“I have loved you for the longest time, too, Brahms… I just never knew how to tell you…” You try your best to express your feelings, but your past experience with doing so has never been easy for you. Each emotion you shared ended in an argument with your parents.

“I’m so glad… please…” Brahms pleads, leaning his forehead against yours. He didn’t have to finish for you to understand what he wanted.

“C’mere…” Your sudden burst of trust hits the two of you like a train. Brahms roughly attacks your neck with his lips and teeth, nipping at all your sensitive areas. Exploring each and every inch, he scopes out which areas you like best.

“Mm, Y/n…” He whimpers, rubbing his needy cock against your body. You had neglected it for far too long, and you wanted to give it some love too.

Lowering your hand down to his member, you stroke him through his pants. Pre-cum leaks from his tip and soaks through his underwear slightly. His moans fill your ears with sweet misery. The lack of being inside of you was killing him, but he wanted to take things slow for you.

“Ah, Y/n…! Please! I’ll be a good boy!” He begs you to allow him entrance, and you agree. Instantaneously, he pulls his clothes off and prepares his painfully hard cock to slide into you.

“Oh! You feel… so tight…!” He didn’t tell you, but this was his first time as well. The first feeling of being inside of someone, especially when that someone is you, was the best feeling he’s ever felt. He couldn’t help himself but pump in and out of you. He tried his best to go slow, but his selfish excitement got the better of him. However, you were far from upset by this.

“Ah! D-don’t… stop…!” You plead with him, and he obliges. Slapping his body into yours in a rhythmic motion causes you to quickly feel that coil in your stomach tighten around him.

“F-fuck…! You’re gonna make me…!” As quickly as it started, your love making ended. The two of you came together simultaneously, and everything felt perfect to you. However, Brahms felt a wave of guilt.

“I… I’m sorry… I wish I had lasted longer… and I shouldn’t have pressured you into this…” He goes on and on about all the things he could’ve done better, but you then stop him with a chaste peck on his lips.

“You were perfect. Thank you,” You lovingly look into his eyes. He searches for any sort of regret, but when he finds none he settles into your arms.

~~~

MY REQUESTS FOR DRAWING AND WRITING ARE STILL OPEN!! FEEL FREE TO SEND AN ASK/MESSAGE WITH YOUR IDEA!!

[honney-pies]

Ma Cherie❤︎

Birthday Girl

Pairing: Inumaki Toge/F! oc/ Okkotsu Yuuta

Fandom : Jujutsu Kaisen

Summary : this is how Kanae got her name and how found family is like my fav trope.

Content warning/chapter warning: character death, referenced/implied abuse, referenced/implied sexual assault, excessive blood loss, thoughts of self-hatred, depression, feeling helpless, a knife is used, her mother SUCKS, please please please seek help if you or a loved one is being abused or in a harmful environment. I'm not sure if there is anything else, but please let me know and I will add it to the list!

Length: 2.5k

A/n: GUYS I'M SO SORRY THAT I HAVEN'T POSTED I FORGOT THAT I SAVED THIS TO DRAFTS! the next couple chapters are going to be more gaining context while also establishing how she interacts with others. the next two chapters (and this one too i think) contain spoilers for JJK season two. Kanae's birth name is Akane, but after this chapter I don't plan on referencing that. right now i'm sitting at about three chapters either nearly completed or started. please let me know if you liked this post! as always there is a self insert version here and on ao3, feel free to read it if you would like! i'm still not sure how long this fic will be, but i'm aiming for about ten chapters.Kanae calls herself Akane anytime before she turns five.

Teaser

  ─── ⋆⋅ November  2016 ⋅⋆ ─── 

Kanae was looking at Panda and Maki sparring when she saw someone sit down in the corner of her eyes. Yuuta kept on staring at the sixteen year old, and she was beginning to feel her skin get itchy from feeling watched. He kept on looking at her then looking away, clearly he wanted to ask him something, but she didn’t want to bring it up if he didn’t intend to ask. 

“Kamo-san, why do some people call you Akane and others call you Kanae?” The girl in question looked at the dark haired boy and stared at him. 

“O-oh, you don’t need to answer that if you don’t want to! I didn’t mean to put you on the spot!” Kanae laughed, Yuuta was definitely too sweet for this world. 

“Do you want the short version or the longer one,” she asked. 

“I want to hear whatever you want to tell me,” he replied. 

     ─── ⋆⋅December 29, 2005⋅⋆ ─── 

It had been her birthday. Akane had just turned five years old and Shoko, Suguru and Satoru made sure to give her the best day ever. It had been her first birthday since her mother first tried to hurt her and Yaga banned her from entering the school. 

That night she was determined to sleep in her old room by herself and prove to herself that she grew up and could overcome what had happened to her. For a little over a month she had been alternating rooms and everyone had taken turns walking her to and from school along with having her accompany them on missions, obviously staying in the car, if no one else was available to watch her. All to protect her from her mother. 

When she had gotten into the room everything seemed fine, safe. Satoru was one room down and Suguru was in the same hallway as well. Shoko was still at her parents until classes started again. Satoru and Suguru had stayed with her for most of the night until she said she wanted to spend the night alone. They just looked at each other and agreed. What she didn’t know was that Suguru had let a small curse to watch over her, moreso to let him know if there were any changes in her mood or breathing. They both made their promises of seeing Akane tomorrow and to come into either one of their rooms should she feel scared. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea, Satoru?” The boy in question just looked at him and that’s all Suguru needed to know before grabbing his hand and holding it until they reached his room. The two went to their rooms and began to fall asleep. Although neither one was really able to do so. Akane’s well being was at the forefront of both of their minds. 

At first Akane didn’t know what was going on. She had thought that a tree was scratching at her window, maybe it had been a stray cat, but when she heard the shattering of her bedroom window break, she knew that it was no tree or cat. She knew it was something far worse. The five year old panicked and hid herself underneath the blanket and made herself small, as if that would keep the scary monsters away. 

We, as the readers of this story, know that hiding away under blankets will never keep the monsters at bay, but Akane was still a child, a child who didn’t fully know of the harsh realities the world, especially her own, had in store. 

The creaking of the wooden floors had been her only way of knowing where the monster was. The noises grew closer until one side of the bed dipped down and a soft voice called out to her. 

“Akane, it’s your mother. Come on out and tell me hi.” Akane was confused to say the least. From what she understood Mother was no longer allowed at the school since Yaga refused her entry. She had been told that if she did see her mother that she must go to another mom and ask to call her family or hide. 

This, however, wasn’t the first time Akane’s mother was not allowed to visit her for a period of time. From what she’s been told her mother got sad a lot. From what she heard while others thought she wasn’t listening was that her mother was unstable and had severe manic depression. She didn’t know what that really meant, but she knew that sometimes her mom wouldn’t be allowed to see her for a little bit. It happened pretty often, so Akane thought it was normal for her to disappear and show up out of nowhere. 

Unfortunately this was not one of those times. This time she felt her mothers animosity, this time she felt no love coming from her mother. Akane knew that her mother, the one she tries to remember, was nowhere to be seen. All that was left was a shell filled with rage, guilt, and anguish. This manifested itself into a pit in her mothers stomach, a pit that blamed Akane. Who she once viewed as her greatest achievement, her greatest creation, she could only view as her antagonizer.

That’s the funny thing about trauma, sometimes the blame can get misplaced. An innocent child can get the brunt of the aftermath of another man’s hand. 

Akane tried to sink herself as far down into her bed as she could, however the mattress didn’t swallow her up and protect her as she had hoped. Her mother only got angry and ripped the blanket off of her and clamped a bloodied, beaten hand over the child's mouth. Her child's mouth. 

She tried to squirm away, but her mother placed her full body weight onto her and forced her to stay put. 

“You listen here you insolent brat! You will keep your mouth shut and listen to your mother when you're told. I should have never left you here, you clearly don’t know what manners are. Now, nod your head if you’ll listen to mother like a good little girl.” Akane nodded her head, thinking that it would keep her safe. The hand that was placed over her mouth removed itself and reached to the side of her mothers clothes. She pulled out a knife and Akane had never been more scared in her life. 

“You have failed me for the last time, Akane,” hissed her mother, “you weren’t born a boy, you look like your father, you look like that other boy from your beloved fathers mistress, you have a hereditary cursed technique, one from the men's side. You have a family here, a happy one. You evade your fathers hand and live your life protected by the strongest. All of which I did for you, yet you never bother to show me gratitude. You are the product of your fathers control. Control over me, control over my body, control over my life. You are the embodiment of everything, everything, I have tried so hard to forget. I hate you! I wish you were never born!” 

The knife was lifted into the air. 

The knife was pushed into Akane’s small, fragile body. 

“Because of you, I can never be free!” The knife made its way to her stomach. She watched as her mother cried, as she wept and sobbed. Akane mirrored her mother and cried. She felt guilty for living and causing someone, especially her own mother, this much pain. As she watched the knife be lifted in the air again, she let a scream crawl its way from her throat. It came out garbled since she was choking on her own blood. She grabbed the blade and pushed it away from her body with all the strength that was left in her bloodied body. Through it all she screamed Satoru’s name, hoping that he heard her and would save her. Akane’s bedroom wall imploded on itself and two boys raced through. Suguru tackled her mother to the ground, effectively saving Akane. Satoru ran to her side and wrapped her in bedsheets, trying to stop the bleeding. The young girl looked over at her mother and noticed how she didn’t look human anymore, how she looked like a curse. 

She screamed and screamed at her daughter, blaming her, hating her. 

“I hate you! I wish you were never born!” Suguru stabbed her. The screaming turned into slurred, garbled speech.

Suguru had never seen someone actively turn into a curse before that night. He watched Akane’s mother turn into a curse right before his eyes, and just like so many times before he absorbed the girl’s mother. He hoped she would never see her mother ever again. 

Satoru rushed Akane to Shoko’s room, knowing she could save the girl. As they were leaving, Akane had three words falling from her lips.

“I love you.” 

When Akane woke back up she was in the medical bay, Shoko was watching over her. 

“Oh, you’re awake,” She pulled out her phone, “ Gojo, she woke up just now.” Shoko walked over to her and began to assess her. About half way through, the door slammed open and in ran Satoru, with Suguru not far behind. 

“You scared me! My lovely little sister scared me!” He threw himself onto her, but made sure he wasn’t actually hurting her. Suguru quickly joined them and all three of them curled up together while Shoko finished her tests. 

Later that day the four of them spent the night in Shoko’s room, it was the farthest away from the incident that happened last night. Their time together was spent goofing off and acting as children and above all else, making Akane feel loved. 

When he thought everyone else was asleep, Satoru pulled Akane closer to him and saw that she, too, hadn’t gone to bed.

“Can’t sleep,” he asked. She shook her head.

“I don’ know if I like who I am. Mother didn’ like me.” Satoru’s heart ached for her. He had been watching over the girl, mainly just keeping her company since he was 13, she was one. Their parents struck a deal to essentially groom the young girl into being a weapon for him if he desires. Though Satoru didn’t know how a measly toddler could be seen as one. 

He saw Akane all the time as he got older, when he moved into the dorms the two were practically inseparable. In fact when he introduced Suguru and Shoko to her, he referred to her as his little sister, in return she began to call him ‘toru-nii’. 

“You know, you don’t have to be who you were completely, you could be someone else. You could rise from the ashes like that one bird from Harry Potter!” She giggled quietly and rolled her eyes, although she didn’t know how to do that quite yet, so she just looked up. 

“Phoenix Fawkes, you’re there when Sugu-nii reads them too, should at least remember the names.” Satoru rolled his eyes and poked her forehead. 

“You do know we love you, right? I love you. You bring us, me, so much happiness, love, and you deserve those things too. You deserve affection. Kanae, do you know what that means? It means ‘love and affection.’ We could call you that if you want.” 

The young girl looked up at him and smiled like he was the greatest thing to ever happen to her. He watched as she began to be overtaken by dreams, he wished they would remain happy ones. 

“I wan’ t’do that, dad.” Ak- Kanae drifted to sleep, and Satoru couldn't help but let out the biggest, brightest smile the world had ever seen. This was the greatest thing that could ever happen to him. Kanae had never called him that before, although there had been a few times where she nearly did. He couldn’t be happier than he was at this moment. He pulled the girl as close as he could without hurting her. 

In the darkness of the room he met Suguru’s eyes. He smiled at Satoru and placed his hand on top of his. 

 ─── ⋆⋅ November 2017 ⋅⋆ ───

“My dad gave it to me. I was five at the time and he wanted me to be able to choose who I would become, to let go of my biological family and move forward. To have a constant reminder that I’m loved and deserve to be happy. Some people call me Akane to piss me off, some do it because they don’t know or simply don’t care.” Yuuta looked at the girl and he knew that she must have been through something that most wouldn’t have recovered from. 

“I thought you and your family don’t talk.” 

“I talk to my older brother sometimes.I guess you wouldn’t know since you aren’t familiar with the politics and all that, but he was here for the Sister School exchange event, he goes to the Kyoto school. In fact he’s the only remotely tolerable one from my family, although I don’t go out of my way to interact with them. I don’t talk to anyone from there anymore besides him, his name is Noritoshi. He doesn’t really know how to speak for himself and it annoys me, but he respects my decision to leave even if he thinks it was a stupid idea.” 

“Oh, the one with the shut eyes?” 

“They’re narrow, but yeah, that’s him.” 

Yuuta looked at her the whole time, giving her his undivided attention. In that moment she realized she liked the feeling of his eyes on her, her skin didn’t itch as much. 

“Like Maki,” he asked. She sighed.

“Fortunately I never spent more than a couple days at the estate at a time. I grew up here, actually. My mother gave a huge amount of money to the school to let me stay here. That and Yaga and her were friends I think.  Maki had to live with them for years. I didn’t, I had the privilege to live away from them in a loving family.” 

Yuuta looked like he had more to ask, but she saw Satoru sit down next to her. He saw her smile and bump her shoulder with his, no Infinity to get in the way. 

“Hi, sensei!” He grinned at the two.

“What were my beloved students talking about? Anything interesting?” 

“My name.” Satoru looked at her through his bandages and saw her staring at the sky, running her fingers over her clothes, where the scars were, are. 

“That’s a different kind of interesting, Kanae. You know I think I did a great job helping you pick that name out! It suits you.” Yuuta looked over confused, he was about to speak up when the girl tapped his shin with her foot, luckily he got the idea and closed his mouth. 

“I’m the one that agreed with you, so get off your high horse, sensei.” The two let out twin laughs as Satoru got up. ‘A meeting with the muscle man,’ he said. Before Yuuta even had a chance to speak, she beat him to the punch.

“He raised me. I only call him Gojo or sensei when talking around at school. To me he’ll always be toru-nii.”

“You said your father gave you that name.” She smiled.

“I said my dad did. Not my father.”

“Oh... Does he know you see him as a dad,” he asked. She nodded her head. 

“C’mon Okkotsu, let's practice.” He stared up at the girl as she offered her hand to him. He grabbed it and pulled himself up. 

He liked the way her hand felt against his, though he didn’t know if Rika would appreciate the thought.

______________________________________________________________

the next chapter, 'family bonding' should be out Saturday, September 2nd! thank you so much for reading and I will make sure to get a masterlist in place soon!

-honney

[tsunderedoctor]

Hi! Congrats on the follower milestone! I love your writing!

((TW for abuse ahead))If it’s not too heavy, could I please request some Sanji/Law comfort for a S.O. who still occasionally struggles with the effects of a difficult upbringing? My mother used to starve my sister and me for the sake of “beauty” and my father occasionally hit my siblings and me. We have been out of the situation for a while now, but some days it still feels fresh. (Please don’t feel obligated to use this exact situation if you don’t want to!)

Thanks so much, baby!! I am sorry to hear you had to go through that, but please know no matter what someone says you are most definitely beautiful. Being alive is amazing on it's own, so look at what you've already accomplished! If no has told you yet, I am proud of you! ❤️

Just in case, labeling this as TW for physical/mental abuse on a child

Babes Below~!

Vinsmoke Sanji

He of all people will understand the issues that comes from not living up to your parents expectations. He ran away from home at a young age and swore he would never look back. He doesn’t nor will ever blame you for having negative feelings against your family.

If you struggle with any eating habits due to your past, he will reassure you that you are beautiful and do his best to make your favorite foods, encouraging you to take one more bite. Praises are also a must, every time you finish a meal, he kisses your head reminding you how amazing and good you are for him!

Once you tell him about the more physical abuse aspects, he completely understands. He doesn’t agree with how your father acted, but he knows about the pain you went through and understands the feeling of not being good enough. 

When you have those moments of not being good enough, he will do his best to support you. Whatever helps cheer you up, he will do! Expect lots of cuddles and sweets, or maybe even taking walks or doing some crafts together. Whatever helps you feel better, he wants to do it too!

Trafalgar D. Water Law

Law struggles with people who aren’t family, but he knows family can hurt others too, he isn’t that naïve to think it’s not possible. Though he might not understand the full pain of being hurt by a parent, he does know what it’s like to be hurt by adults meant to protect you. However, he struggles on the inside and doesn’t let others in, but wants you to come to him when you struggle (very hypocritical lmao-). 

Whether Law likes to admit it or not, he’s a caretaker, from being an older brother to being the doctor and captain of his crew, he has a lot of responsibility and wants to care for you too. Unlike Sanji who is more emotional based, Law thinks things more logically and will try to find a solution to your problems. Don’t want to eat? Then he give you some medicine to make you hungry. Feeling depressed? He has some antidepressants. 

If you want actual emotional support, the best thing he can do is cuddle while listening to you rant. Remind him you don’t want solutions, you just want to get your feelings out and the man is good. It’s very rare he will share his own feelings, but they do come up sometimes, making you connect with the stoic man even more. 

If you ever have insecurities about your self worth and if you should be with him, Law is the type to get annoyed. Not at you directly, but the people who caused this thought to develop in your brain. With a slight blush, he will ruffle your hair, muttering that he loves you. 

Tag List: @chloe-nanami @musical-apple @luxiditea @macdonaldsmanager @onepieceya @undercoverweeeb @fantasyfairysworld @athenaportgas @my-one-piece-experience @iam-gaaras-loveintrest @xxtoothachexx @simpforroses @sanjissunflower @portgaslari @lukasismissing @chocolate-n-cheese @avatar-of-thevast and anyone else who wants to join in! 

[c0rpseductor]

like sorry to have a. i don’t know. would it be dramatic to call this religious trauma? Well anyway sorry for the moment but like

anybody who knows me for shit knows i had a cartoonishly awful childhood. this is like, me 101. i started to self-harm as a very little kid bc i thought god hated me, so part of my issue is like, i was already mentally ill right out of the gate.

i would learn one thing in church and then come home and be told all the stuff really virulent cruel evangelicals believe, essentially. like at Sunday school i’d hear “be nice to everybody” and then come home and my mom would be like “oh Lestat. you poor fucking rube. God is vindictive and spiteful and punishes anyone he dislikes. Christians think anybody who’s suffering deserves it because God chose it for them. Christianity is evil and full of hypocrisy.” and, I mean, i understand why she had a lot of anger toward it and why she felt like there are no adequate answers for the problem of evil and ESPECIALLY why she thinks vocal christians suck. we live in America, no shit! I’ve seen TV pastors! but you don’t unload that on a kid, and especially not a kid who is also being hurt so acutely that his takeaway is “my parents do bad things to me because god wants me to suffer.” so i grew up, uh, normal

and it frustrates me as an adult because i know what the takeaway is “supposed” to be, or at least what less insanely aggressive christians tell me it is. i get that i got essentially the exact opposite message i was supposed to receive. but not only do i struggle to believe it, but the kind of things my mom used to complain about are the same things i see people unironically lob at other people. like on the adult survivors of csa group ive seen people say “during your childhood, if you felt abandoned, it’s because you weren’t listening hard enough for god. because god was there and your feelings are wrong.” like, it’s their fault? someone has a crisis of faith for one of the most understandable possible reasons and you think they just aren’t trying hard enough? and people will say with a straight face like, act like lgbt people are these subhuman aberrations and god hates them and spit on them because their idea is like, anyone who’s big and strong is who god loves and anyone who’s being hurt and tortured deserves it because god decided that’s how it would go.

it frustrates me so much that my dad like, abused me emotionally and mentally and physically and sexually and drove my mother and i out of our home and treated his whole family like obstacles in the way of his desires and then had the fucking gall to be a born-again Christian about it. it fucks with my head SO bad that nothing bad ever happens to him and he’s so easily able to go to church and uncritically swallow everything he’s told. it just feels like this confirmation that everything is arbitrary and anyone who’s been “picked” by god can do whatever evil things they want but anyone who’s hated can never, ever atone enough for the cardinal offense of having been born, no matter how much they pray or suffer.

and like, idk if i can ever get out of that hole, but it still makes me so fucking sick when people who act like they’re perfect Christians spit on people because they think they have the right to decide who is and isn’t human. because i know that’s the opposite of what they’re supposed to be getting out of it and because it’s disgusting, cruel, arrogant behavior.