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frightfurtabby · 3 years ago

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HimiKiyo Week 2021 Day 3- The Streets are Long-Ass Gutters

Day 3! Time for a Cyberpunk AU. What is vice and what is virtue in a dystopian future where so many have turned to crime to survive in corrupt corporate states?

I forget if I mentioned this in the last post but all the amino crosspost links will be collected and posted at the end of the week on here.

Word Count: 3,061

Content: Lots of murder, alcohol reference

Links-

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/34139533

People were suffering, toiling away at shitty jobs for next to no pay, exploited by the powerful megacorporations. Back in the past it was only nations or gangs that went to war against each other, or against themselves. The trend now for the last 100 years was corporations fighting actual bloody wars against each other instead. Sending out all the low level grunts who they had no use for anymore to die. The worst, darkest parts of humanity were on full display every day whether it was something that made the news or not.

Still, technology progressed even when it seemed everything else had regressed into feudalism. Death and Life became ever more complex as people started being able to be downloaded and uploaded like AI with most if not all memories intact. So what truly counted as being dead now? Stuff that could have killed you before could be better dealt with enough credits to pay someone under the table.

In this backdrop is where Korekiyo grew up their whole life, initially being insulated from much of it. That all changed when they didn’t have my parents protection any more. One of them found it a “step too far” to put the chip with what remained of Sister’s brain in themself. Among other traditionalist qualms about how they dressed and wanted to modify about themself, such as the metal arm and enhanced nervous system. It wasn’t surprising, given how they reacted to people like them any time the topic was in the news.

So for the next few years they were travelling, studying how various people were dealing with their own conditions with a school anthropology department. And yet they weren’t allowed to publish some findings because the “education” megacorp that ran the colleges blocked it.

After becoming fed up with the state of things Kiyo quit and joined a gang, getting to delve in and know more about the so-called Underworld and its inhabitants. People from all walks of life ended up around them: drifters, ex-corpos, sex workers, mercenaries, people who were all of the above and then some. Almost none of it was surprising.

And just a couple weeks ago there was an incident that changed their trajectory again, though it seemed like it was just another in a long line of similar incidents..

A group of Yakuza, emboldened in their power by even more corporate money laundering, at the behest of a giant media conglomerate attacked the headquarters of a rival channel. They overheard that performers were one the upper floors which included one of the showrunners' nieces, this pulled Kiyo in to follow the hit squad. Spread throughout the floors were average people who hadn’t done anything wrong and not all of them were going to be saved.

They met Himiko Yumeno and saved her life because of being in the right place at the right time. As though it were destiny.

She was holed up in a locked room and caught a glimpse of a metal arm holding a steady gun and assumed it was one of the attackers, taking Kiyo down suddenly as they searched for people to help. It took a few moments of pleading to clear up the misunderstanding on their part and help her open up an emergency door for the rest of the show’s cast. It was here they were properly introduced to each other.

“I’m so sorry about that. You can never be too careful.” she said. “So if you’re not with them are you, you don’t look like building security? A cop?”

Kiyo shook their head, they weren’t sure if they could tell her what they really were just yet. Mainly because it wasn’t that much different from what the guys currently murdering a bunch of her co-workers were. “We can talk about that later. I’m not the police either, but they’re coming so we should get out before they come in and we get caught in the crossfire.”

“Fair point.”

Himiko followed behind on the way down the steps and both listened to the shots still ringing out. Some were coming from inside the building but it sounded like the police had rolled up on the front side and were now trading fire in between pleas on their radio to stop the attack.

The streets were going to be blocked off for a pretty wide area, and it had already started. So the two weaved through a back alleyway a few blocks back and found a car left unattended by one of the gang squads.

“I’ll hotwire this, get in.” Kiyo placed a hand on the door and scanned the lock requirements and transformed a finger into just the right shape of key to unlock it. She was sighing in relief, tired of running or being on edge already. Even though it couldn’t have been more than 10 minutes since the start of the raid it felt like every moment stretched on for hours.

Kiyo tapped the driver's side glass to run a check and found it to be bulletproof. They weren’t sure if the passenger’s side was equally protected, but the front pane definitely was knowing how important getaway driver’s were considered.

The car started up and Kiyo shot out of the alley fast enough to send a can of trash flying up, and swerved out onto the road. The blockade wasn’t out this far yet, there was probably a shortage of them on the force again. This even had a police scanner in it, to track them. With just a little bit of a tweak it could also send signals out. They considered for a moment if it was worth it. They didn’t think any good would come of anyone following potentially.

So instead they start using their cyborg arm to start fiddling and turn off tracking and both the dash cam on the front and any bio-scanners inside that would prove they had commandeered this vehicle. It was breaking several laws, yes, but it was saving a life. Nothing they weren’t already used to.

Another car sped up to get right behind them. It was the same kind of model, so definitely one of the attackers. Possibly saw the theft or came when it stopped giving a signal. Either way they were now being followed. And when one followed there was likely going to be more. Either by the police who may think they were involved or by crooks mad their car was taken.

They passed the gun to her. “Here, use this should it come to that.”

Traffic picked up further away from the scene they got so it was harder to weave through quick enough until they hit the freeway. Too many witnesses were made to even properly count. And the brief slow down allowed the other vehicle to graze their side, causing Kiyo to need to swerve and almost over-correct around the next corner.

Their company got even and then picked up speed to pull a little bit ahead, the back window rolled down like their passenger side. A man inside was shouting and going for a weapon on his belt, his words drowned out by the speed of air caused by the race, and he wouldn’t get to finish because Himiko fired twice, sending him backwards into his seat and out of sight.

Kiyo sped up again, hearing a cacophony of honks from civilian vehicles upset at being forced to pull to the shoulder. The enemy driver steadied and muttered a prayer before grinding against the passenger side and attempted his own shot only for the third bullet from Himiko embed itself into the arm he was aiming with, causing it to miss and puncture the ceiling of the stolen vehicle.

Himiko’s adrenaline was pumping. Someone was already dead or going to be soon at her hands. Even if it was defensive, the very thought terrified her.

And yet the driver didn’t give up. He grabbed it with his other hand and drove with the forearm of his injured side to go and ram them again. This time another car got between them as Kiyo veered to create distance and avoid rear-ending the unfortunate motorist.

“Listen, please fire again the next time you see him.” Kiyo asked.

She was shaking, and nodded. There wasn’t much to say. It was what had to be done.

The back seat was hit several times, even shattering the windows, before Himiko had a good shot a throwing knife whizzed into her and the sharp edge cut one of her hands. And her return volley hit the door of the driver, who was reloading. In just a few more seconds he would have bullets with her name on them. That knife was to buy him time.

So she used the last shot, shaking off the pain momentarily, and due to how he was hunched over the bullet entered his jaw and he crashed into the wall as he spasmed and convulsed.

Leaving only their car speeding away… for now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Surprisingly, nobody else came. A trip to the outer limits of the city got them away. Kiyo parked in a back alley lot and immediately went and cracked open the trunk. As expected, there were more weapons and some medical supplies for those who were hurt on the job.

She sat down on a milk crate, wincing. “God, this hurts so bad.” She held her opposite hand around her cut to prevent herself from bleeding everywhere as Kiyo brought over the med kit. Blood from her wound was already covering her skirt and leggings.

“That was a close call, I’m glad you’re a surprisingly good shot.” Kiyo said, taking some time to clean and disinfect her first.

“Surprisingly? What’s that supposed to mean?” she huffed at the tall stranger. People were always thinking she was some pushover because she was short and looked young.

Kiyo let the blood soak some before checking how deep the wound was. Thankfully, it wasn’t anything too serious. Wrapping it in some gauze did the trick.

“I don’t mean to offend, but I’ve not seen you fire anything before. How was I supposed to know at that moment?”

“I…” Himiko sighed “I guess you’re right. Thanks by the way. You saved my life.”

“We’re… not entirely out of the clear just yet.” Kiyo said as they got up and dumped the license plate into the alley’s dumpster, quickly covering it with more trash that was littered about, they’d stolen it from the car. It was a bit old fashioned but it would be another piece of evidence that could connect the car to the scene they’d just escaped. Any conclusive proof the gang or cops could find should be destroyed.

“When will we be in the clear?” the girl asked,

She watched her new companion pouring oil from a drum onto the vehicle. And motion her to get back. She took the pack with the rest of the useful medical supplies and Kiyo removed the case of weaponry and looked it over.

“Only when we get to my place. You should probably stay a few days so the hunt dies down… maybe I could put you with a friend in the same-”

“I’m sure your friends are good and all but… I don’t know them yet, I want to stay with you if I gotta pick.”

Kiyo nodded in understanding. “Well then, we’re about.” The tall one did some mental math, checking in quickly with the chip in their head that sped that process up. “35 miles northeast of the complex I live in.”

“And your ride is on the way?”

Kiyo nodded in the affirmative “Indeed. It won’t be very much longer now in fact. It’ll be a couple more blocks up so we’re out of the way when… this goes off.” Then they flicked a match onto the end of the line of oil and rushed with her away.

The way back to the apartment was tense and paranoid. Kiyo put on the online radio to keep track of the news about the situation, switching stations occasionally if they switched coverage to something else or there was nothing new. Chatter online indicated about half the building’s occupants went down with at least injuries. The exact death toll wouldn’t be out until everything had been secured.

“Should I call and tell people I’m okay? I… don’t exactly want to show up as missing on the national news.” Himiko said, shifting nervously in her chair.

“Yes, you can tell someone you trust.” It would look bad if they let their paranoia convince them not to allow her to. Seeming like a kidnapper would just bring unwanted attention. Their associates would be mad and sister told them she didn’t exactly want to spend her time sticking around to just be spent behind bars.

One press and it went to her contact. “I’m okay, I got out. I’ll be in hiding for now. I’m with another friend.” She had to keep it short on the low battery, unfortunately. Even with being weary of this person still, she thought better of revealing anything more.

She hung up with a farewell after a few more seconds and turned it back off, complaining to the only other who was around to listen. “Of all the days for me to leave the charger at home. Angie even reminded me not to do that.”

“Angie? That’s not a name you hear much in Japan.”

“It’s not, she’s actually from one of those islands out in the pacific. Used to be an American colony before well…”

Kiyo nodded. The United States of America had long since broken up due in part to the corporate wars and there really wasn’t any recognized entity that was still calling itself that. So all the non-mainland territories broke away. Many still are under the boot of large companies whether they were locally built or arrived from overseas since the islands were so rich in natural resources that couldn’t be found in many other places.

The conversation branched out from there, keeping both of their minds occupied with something other than the dread of having even more of those guys after them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

During the apartment tour Kiyo showed Himiko around. The kitchenette, which was stocked with microwave instant noodles and burritos, featured a ton of soda and alcohol in the small fridge. All of it was cheap and/or synthetic stuff, clearly Shinguji wasn’t someone living in the lap of luxury.

Then there was the main room. It was in the center, the kitchenette was a small area to the left side. It had tile instead of carpet denoting the otherwise almost nonexistent boundary. There were very few doors: one leading outward to the balcony, one leading to the lone bedroom, and a third leading to the lone bathroom.

“Would you like to sleep out here? It’s generally pretty safe…”

“You look like you’re about to hit me with a huge ‘but’”

“Last month someone tried to break in. They were high off something and thought this was their unit. And rumor has it someone’s found ways to pick locks around here. Mine are up to date enough but you know how it is with malware.”

“Then I’ll sleep uh, in your room. If that’s okay.”

Kiyo agreed, showing her the large bed. It could easily fit both of them even though the majority of the time nobody but Kiyo was using it. There was a wardrobe and a work desk. The work desk held all of their weapons and tech. Many tools were used to keep everything working.

“And yes before you ask, I am too poor to afford all of this. A lot of it is stolen.” Kiyo explained. “Often from people who met an unfortunate fate like our attackers earlier.” Kiyo added the new goods to the collection by putting it on top of the desk.

Thankfully the blinds were always shut on this room. Kiyo had boarded it up and sealed the heat in that way because every so often in places as rundown as this you’d get a window shot out for no real reason other than some assholes felt like it.

A few hours later they had crawled in and tried to rest. At some point somebody must have wanted more warmth because upon waking up the next morning Kiyo noticed they were now huddling together, arms around the other. It would be a delicate thing to get out of the embrace without waking her up too.

They hesitated. They didn’t have any urgent jobs at this hour, all of those were planned specifically to be later. So was it really wrong to stay put and just see how she’s doing? It was a rough day yesterday after all.

Even with the window boarded up small cracks of light fluttered through. A small reminder the outside still had beauty in it.

Himiko woke up moments later, finding herself curled up to Kiyo and realizing she’d been the one to start being so close. An impulsive thought she wasn’t awake enough to second guess herself. It was odd, how they seemed to be more awake but didn’t leave her.

They sat up and said “Good morning. Sleep well?”

She followed suit and rubbed the gunk out of her eyes. “Yeah. I… hope waking up like that didn’t bother you. I-”

“It doesn’t”

She was ready to profusely apologize so hearing that took a moment to process. “Huh?”

“It was quite nice. It’s been a while since I’ve felt anything as warm as that.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Should I be?”

“Well… no, and I kinda liked it too.” she said shyly, turning to sit down on the edge of the bed, putting some distance between them. “You doing anything today?”

Kiyo consulted their chip again. “No work today, we’ll be hanging out with some people from my crew this afternoon.”

“I look forward to it. I needed a bit of a vacation its just…” she sighed.

“How it happened wasn’t desirable?”

Himiko laughed. “That’s an understatement. It actually sucks so much.” crying broke through and took over. It took almost half a day for what happened to even really sink in. “Everything sucks so fucking much.”

Kiyo offered some tissue from the bedside drawer and Himiko took it, thanking them.

#himikiyo #himikiyo week #himiko yumeno #korekiyo shinguji #writing #fanfic #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #cyberpunk

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iforgotmypreviousaccountlol · 4 years ago

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Starting Line

Happy Holidays, @carson-asmo-lover

This is your Secret Santa gift. I hope you like it!

AU: Asmo is a uni student who just moved into a new apartment unit, Solomon is living next door learning how to bake. Every day, Asmo would smell the sweet aroma of baked goods from his room and in the hallways. One day, after a hectic day from uni, he stops in front of the door trying to guess which baked good is being made for that day. The door opens, cue awkward silence, Solomon invites Asmo into his apartment, and into his life.

ASMO

There, there it is again. Asmodeus glanced at his wall clock. Right on time: 2 o’clock in the afternoon. The sweet smell of sugar and pastry permeated his room. His next-door neighbour is baking again. He closed his eyes and inhaled, trying to take a guess which pastry his neighbour decided to make today. It has been a good past-time for whenever he found himself bored on some days when he doesn’t have uni classes. Not that he had nothing better to do, he had to catch up on a lot of schoolworks but he isn’t in the mood to do them right now.

He moved in just a few months ago so he could be closer to school, but now that he enjoyed the new-found freedom that is living alone, he realized he missed the constant presence of his brothers. Sure, having his own place meant that Lucifer wasn’t around to nag him when he goes out to party most nights, or if he brings people back to his place for some night escapades (He never did bring someone over though. Maybe he should.) He made a mental note to go home for the weekend if the workload permits.

“Cinnamon rolls,” he finally said, propping up from the couch. The sweet smell of the cinnamon powder that contrasted with the slightly sour cream cheese made Asmo’s mouth water. He groaned. “If you’re gonna make pastries, at least offer some to your neighbours so we don’t get hungry from the smell.”

Now he has no choice but to go down and buy something sweet to satisfy his craving. He put on a peach sweater and wrapped a white scarf around his neck. He stared at his reflection for a moment. His champagne-colored hair was longer on one side, stylishly swept to frame his face. His diamond stud earring reflected light when he turned his face in a certain angle. “Alright, enough. I look stunning, as always.”

He wrinkled his nose at his neighbour’s door when he passed on his way out, the smell of cinnamon is much stronger in the hallway. He hadn’t even met the mysterious baker, given that he’s almost always out to some party when he isn’t in class, it’s strange that they never even once bumped into each other in the lobby or the elevator. He shrugged and went on his way to hunt for some cinnamon rolls.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Asmo was almost dragging himself back to his condo unit after a hectic morning. He had a 3-hour lecture for Fashion Marketing and he had to pass a 10-page essay on Fashion Theory (which of course, he crammed last night. He even skipped a campus party!) and he’s just about ready to pass out and is determined to take a long nap for the whole afternoon. That would have been a solid plan, except it’s 2 o’clock in the afternoon and the scent of baked sweets wafted from his neighbour’s room and into the hallway.

He stopped on his tracks and inhaled the scent, his brain immediately fell to its routine, trying to discern which ingredients are being used to create what pastry. “Milk, definitely. What else? Eggs? And oh—”

The door suddenly opened. Asmo jerked back in surprise, his hand latched to the strap of his sling bag. He blinked once, twice.

A tall man with silvery-white hair with stunning blue-gray eyes, wearing a black turtleneck with sleeves rolled up to his elbows and white apron, came out of the room carrying a small trash bag. Asmo was never one to be at a loss for words, especially not in front of attractive people, but his tongue refused to make an audible sound.

“Oh, hello. I suppose you’re my neighbour? I believe this is the first time we’re meeting each other?” The man continued, “I’m Solomon.”

Asmo shook off his surprise and cleared his throat. He wore his usual disarming smile and nodded at him. “Asmodeus. I just came back from school, I was just, uh,” he said while gesturing to his unit’s door.

“I see.”

Awkward silence filled the space between and around them. Asmo noticed a faint sprinkle of flour on Solomon’s right cheek, he clamped down the urge to reach in and dust it off.

The fire alarm started beeping causing the two to jolt in surprise. Solomon raced to the trash chute, dumped the trash bag and raced back inside his room to turn off the oven. Asmo stood unmoving to the doorway. He wondered if he should offer help.

Thick smoke came out of the oven when Solomon opened it, he fanned the oven with a mitt. The fire alarm hasn’t stopped beeping so Asmo mindlessly stepped inside and grabbed the nearest flat object (which happened to be a pan of piped cream puff dough) to fan the alarm component on the ceiling. He honestly had no idea what he’s doing. The piped dough from the baking pan fell and scattered on the floor, one even hitting him right on the cheek.

“Oh. It stopped,” he commented, the pan still raised over his head.

Asmo glanced at Solomon who was still kneeling in front of the oven and saw that a bunch of dough pieces is now strewn around the kitchen floor. A solitary piece of dough stuck on the baking sheet finally gave up and dropped on Asmo’s forehead. He blinked slowly, unsure on how to react.

Solomon snorted, obviously trying but miserably failing to hold back a laugh. Asmo flicked away the dough which earned a chuckle from Solomon, which in turn triggered Asmo to burst into laughter.

“Sorry, that was… not funny.” Solomon said in between laughs.

Asmo doubled over. He wiped a tear that escaped his eye from laughing and said, “It kinda was.”

“Listen, why don’t you sit and clean yourself up. I’ll just tidy up for a bit and we could enjoy the successful batch I made earlier. Think of it as a welcoming present.”

Asmo considered it for a moment. Sleep or… this? “Sure.”

Solomon smiled, and started cleaning up the mess.

Asmo pulled out a chair and sat. His rose and gold eyes followed Solomon’s movement. It mesmerized him; the grace in his movements, certain and self-assured. He stared so hard he didn’t even notice that Solomon was already standing in front of him asking something.

He shook his head a tiny bit. “I’m sorry, come again?”

Solomon chuckled. His chuckle sent a shiver down Asmo’s spine.

“I asked if you would like tea or coffee. To pair with the cream puffs.”

“Tea, please. With milk.”

Solomon nodded and proceeded to the kitchen counter to make the tea. Asmo wanted to face palm and cringe. Why is he acting this way?

“So… tell me about yourself,” Solomon said.

Asmo paused. In any other instances, he would’ve already started talking about himself without even needing to be prompted. Why is it that he can’t think of something interesting to tell this guy?

“Why don’t we talk about you first?” Asmo deflected the question.

That earned another smile from the fair-haired man. He brought the cooling rack containing the cream puffs and a tray of tea and cups.

“What do you want to know?”

Everything, Asmo thought. Instead he asked, “What’s your major?”

“Chemistry. You?”

Huh, that surprisingly fits him. “Fashion design. Why are you always baking?”

Solomon sipped his tea. “I promised my little brother Luke I would teach him how to bake. You see, a friend of mine, Barbatos went overseas for a job. He was the one who was supposed to teach Luke. But since he can’t, I decided to give it a go.”

“That’s incredibly nice of you.”

“Thank you. For now I still need to watch videos and study the recipe but I think I’m starting to get the hang of it. Well, except for the incident earlier.”

Asmo nodded. The cream puffs looked so good he wanted to pull out his phone and post it on his Instagram but he stopped himself. He reached for one and popped it into his mouth.

The milky taste and the slight crisp of the puff blended well, it tasted divine—Asmo’s thoughts stopped at the same time he stopped chewing. WHAT IS THAT? It’s bitter and spicy and sour, flavor after flavor assaulted his taste buds faster than his brain can process the actual taste of the pastry.

He looked at Solomon, the latter clearly expecting a comment or reaction from him. Good thing he quickly managed his expression. He smiled, the cream puff still stuck on the roof of his mouth.

He was saved by the ringing of Solomon’s phone. When Solomon turned his back to reach for his phone, he quickly spit out the pastry on his handkerchief and stowed it on his bag’s pocket.

Solomon’s eyes widened slightly at him when he saw him gulped down his tea as a desperate attempt to wash out the aftertaste. “You sure are thirsty. More tea?” Solomon offered.

“I am. Yes, please.” Asmo nodded vigorously.

“So, what can you say about the cream puffs? It’s my first time so I can understand if they didn’t turn out perfect.”

That would be the understatement of the year, Asmo thought. He also dreaded the question. To tell or not to tell? “Do you have any more of the strawberry tart you made the other day?”

“How did you know I made some?”

“Please. Everyone on this floor probably knows what you’re baking every day.”

Solomon chuckled and proceeded to get a strawberry tart from his fridge.

Asmo swallowed, bracing himself. Just a small bite. A chaos of flavors.

He placed his palms flat on the table for 10 seconds then rushed to the sink to spit out the tart and gargle water. “What the hell was that?”

Solomon raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean? It tastes normal to me.”

Asmo’s jaw fell when he saw Solomon eating his tart with no problem, enjoying it even. He can’t believe he spent his days craving for sweets his neighbour baked when in reality they taste this atrocious.

“That’s it, Solomon. You’re not allowed to bake anymore,” Asmo said, shaking his head.

“Huh? I thought I was doing fine. I really need to learn though, I can’t disappoint Luke.”

Asmo bit his lip, considering. He sighed. “Fine. You can bake all you want, but never without me. I’ll oversee whatever you’re doing to make sure you never end up making those… those unidentifiable monstrosities again!”

Solomon smiled; in his grey-blue eyes, Asmo saw wonders, and potential, and… a future. “Deal.”

SOLOMON

Solomon checked his watch. It’s Friday and Asmo will be coming over in a minute or two. It’s already been more than a month since they started their “baking lessons.” Granted, it’s not every day; it’s only twice a week, thrice when their schedule permits. But would it be a stretch if he admitted to himself that the highlight of his weeks are the days when Asmodeus comes over to watch him work?

A knock interrupted his thoughts. He should just give Asmo a spare key, he thought while walking towards the door.

“You’ll never guess what happened in class today! So see, I crammed a paper again last night so I almost came late for class. Our professor for that class was Professor Simeon, you know? He’s wonderful but can be very strict so I didn’t want to be late and be scolded but then, on the way to the classroom…”

Solomon’s lips tugged at the corner as he watched Asmo lament about his tiring day at school. His strawberry champagne bangs swept stylishly, slightly messed up by the wind. His gold and ruby eyes sparkling along with his words and gestures. Asmo always looked alive to him. No, not the usual alive as in living. Really alive. Maybe that’s what happens when you know to find love in everything.

“Anyway, what are we making today?” Asmo finished, hanging his white coat on the rack near the door.

We. It shouldn’t have sounded as nice as it did. “We,” he said the word with maybe a bit more excitement than warranted, “are making red velvet cake.”

“All right! That’s great. I love red velvet.”

“I already prepared—”

He stopped because of the irritation that flashed in Asmo’s eyes. He bit his lower lip to suppress a smile.

“Throw it out.”

“That would be a waste. At least try out the batter before rejecting it.”

Asmo put both his hands on Solomon’s shoulders and looked at him seriously, emphasizing his words, “Solomon, I know for a fact that you are an amazing and smart chemist, but you’re hopeless in the kitchen.”

Solomon laughed which earned a chuckle from Asmo. “No, no, I didn’t add any suspicious ingredients this time. I swear. I followed the instructions word for word.”

Asmo begrudgingly took a spoon and tasted the batter.

“Good?”

He shrugged. “Surprisingly.”

It was two weeks ago when Asmo finally figured out what he was doing wrong all this time. Solomon had a bad habit of experimenting with ingredients, most likely because of his chemistry experiments. But even after figuring out what’s the problem, Asmo continued supervising his baking. Not that he’s complaining, and not that he would ever ask the arrangement to be over. He would never admit it out loud, but he liked having Asmodeus over.

Solomon started whipping the frosting with a hand mixer while Asmo stayed close to watch him. It took a lot to focus and not glance on his side.

Asmo said, “Hey, you got a little something—”

His eyes met Asmo’s in time as Asmo’s fingers dusted something from his cheek. They stayed frozen in time for a moment; staring at each other, Asmo’s fingers barely grazing Solomon’s cheek.

The moment would’ve lasted longer if the mixer’s whisk attachment hit the side of the bowl in a wrong angle and sprayed both of them with frosting. They blinked at each other before bursting into laughter.

“Kitchen blunders for the nth time,” Solomon joked.

Asmo pulled out his phone and suggested they take a picture, Solomon let Asmo take their “selfie.” After Asmo was satisfied with the pictures, Solomon reached for a paper towel to wipe frosting from Asmo’s usual immaculately beautiful face.

After the cake cooled, Asmo helped design the frosting. He also took pictures to post on his Instagram. Solomon made an account last week just to look at the pictures occasionally. The photo of the cake earned hundreds of likes and comments in minutes. Well, that can’t be helped, Asmo is a popular guy. Solomon would be too if he actually bothered to socialize, but he found it rather exhausting to deal with people he’s not interested in.

“Hey, could you send me our picture from earlier?” Sol said.

“Oh yeah, sure.” Asmo fiddled with his phone. “…And sent.”

“Thank you,” Solomon replied.

They settled down on the table to eat the cake they made and have some tea. They talked about their days and their upcoming exams. Eventually, the sun started setting. Its golden rays streaming from the window, dyeing the room in a soft orange hue.

“I think you’re okay now, Solomon. Remember to just always follow the instructions and don’t add any unnecessary ingredients to whatever you’re cooking or baking, and it’ll turn out fine.”

Solomon raised an eyebrow. He pushed away the idea that Asmo will now stop coming over because they already eliminated the cause of the weird taste (which isn’t actually weird for him).

“It's a force of habit. I’m always curious so I can’t stop myself from experimenting with things.”

“I guess…”

“Why, am I eating up too much of your time?” He asked.

“Of course not. I like spending time with you, Solomon.” Asmo’s cheeks flushed a bit.

Solomon sipped his tea.

Asmo took the small window of silence to change the topic. “Anyway, I got a call from Mammon the other day and guess what? He’s appearing in a mag—”

“Me too,” he interrupted.

“Hmm?”

“I like spending time with you too.”

Asmo was caught off-guard but eventually smiled. He reached for his bag and pulled out a silver box with a champagne-colored ribbon. “By the way, here.”

Solomon’s brows wrinkled. “What’s this?”

“Happy Birthday, Solomon.”

“How did you—”

Asmo winked at him. “Information comes easily when you have a lot of friends.” Asmo laughed and continued, “Kidding. I’m in the same class as Meph, he works in the registrar’s office as an assistant so I asked him. I had to do him some favours, but eh, it’s worth it.”

“Thank you, Asmo. Really.”

Asmo’s phone beeped, he looked at his notifications. His eyes widened a fraction.

Solomon smiled. He had an idea why Asmo was surprised. He glanced on his own phone, notifications pouring in fast. He clicked on a post, his first one ever.

It’s a photo Asmo took of them earlier. Asmo, lively as always, was throwing a peace sign while winking, his ruby and gold eyes full of wonder; Solomon, his blue-grey eyes a pool of mystery, was smiling a bit, looking at him contentedly. The caption? Best birthday with ‘that special someone.’

His phone chimed, a notification appeared on top of his screen: Asmodeus liked your photo.

#obeymesecretsanta2020 #obey me au #obey me asmodeus #obey me solomon

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caitybug · 4 years ago

Note

(Also sorry you are working on sads and feel blegh) maybe Rain is too "mundain" as far as prompts. 5? 7? 8? Any of those sound fun? 😂

5. Typed kisses.

7. Kisses after decades apart.

8. Kisses after dark.

Birdy, bc I love you, I’m going to try to do all of these haha.

(Shoutout to @adamarks for looking this over to make sure I wasn’t going insane.)

(1:35): Good morning!

(1:35): Snow, it’s 1 in the morning.

(1:36): Why are you messaging me?

(1:36): It’s 7:30 here.

(1:36): It’s still morning, though. So my original text stands.

(1:37): Good morning, Snow.

(1:37):😘 😘

(1:38): XO.

Day 2:

(10:03): Let me know how your appointment goes.

(10:03): XO.

(10:04): My what?

(10:04): Your check-up.

(11:05): You forgot about it, didn’t you?

(11:10): I’m here, I don’t know what you’re talking about, Baz.

(11:12): You’re an idiot, Snow.

(11:12): 😘 😘 love you.

(11:13): I love you too, XO.

Day 3:

(15:03): Do you think the milk is still good?

(15:04): When did it go bad?

(15:05): It says it went bad a few days ago.

(15:06): But the date says best by…

(15:06): So it just means it isn’t at its BEST right?

(15:07): How does it smell?

(15:07): Not good.

(15:08): Then don’t drink it.

(15:09): What if I just don’t know how milk is supposed to smell? How often do I really smell milk?

(15:10): Snow, just get more milk. I think we can spare the money it costs.

(15:10): But I’ve already started cooking.

(15:12): I’m just going to try anyway.

(15:12): It’ll be cooked anyway, right?

(15:13): I want it known I believe this to be a bad idea.

(15:14): You also said that subscribing to three different butter services was “unnecessary and excessive”

(15:15): I stand by that, Snow.

(15:15): How can one person eat that much butter each month?

(15:16): I can’t believe you would doubt my abilities like this.

(15:16): I thought we were in a loving and supportive relationship.

(15:17): I love you and support your health.

(15:17): Which means cutting back on butter sometimes, darling.

(15:20): I’m going to use the milk.

(15:22): I wish you the best.

(15:22): 😘 😘

(15:23): XO.

Day 5:

(7:40): How is your stomach?

(7:45): Better.

(7:45): I told you to buy new milk.

(7:47): I think there is a stomach bug going around.

(7:47): Probably that.

(7:49): Sure, Snow.

(7:49): That’s why you spent yesterday regurgitating the entire contents of your stomach.

(7:50): Yes, it is.

(7:52): Have a good day.

(7:52): I miss you.

(7:52): 😘 😘

(7:55): I miss you too.

(7:55): XO.

Day 8:

(20:46): The people above us are pounding it out again.

(20:47): Earplugs are in my bedside drawer.

(20:47): If you were here I’d just try to compete.

(20:48): You certainly would not.

(20:50): I bet we could beat them.

(20:52): Come on, Baz, I know you’ve got a competitive streak. Don’t let Richard and Shelly show us up.

(20:53): You’ve got two hands, Snow. I’m sure you could manage something.

(20:54): Oh? Good idea.

(20:54): Talk later.

(20:55): 😘 😘

(20:57): I regret so much about this conversation.

(20:57): XO.

Day 13:

(14:05): YOU COME BACK TOMORROW!

(14:07): Please stop yelling at me.

(14:07): But yes, I do.

(14:08): 😊 😊 😊

(14:09): I love you.

(14:14): I love you too.

(14:15): Can we facetime?

(14:15): In a couple of hours, Snow.

(14:15): I’ve got one more meeting.

(14:16): 😔

(14:16): Alright.

(14:17): XO.

(14:18): 😘 😘

Day 14

I get through security. It’s always a painful even, especially in America. Have to practically strip just to stand in a machine that tells everyone what I’ve already known.

No gun here the machine says with a green light and a beep.

As if I’d need one.

It’s been delayed several hours for a reason I’ve yet to figure out. The weather looks clear, planes are moving in and out. People on other flights are still departing on time.

The only reasonable explanation I’ve come up with is the airline is incompetent.

“Snow,” I say, putting a finger in my right ear, trying to ignore the man screaming at the poor help desk person. “I may not be back until tomorrow.”

I look at the clock. Even if we left now I wouldn’t get home until midnight.

“What? Why?” He asks. His voice sounds frantic.

I hate worrying him.

“This airline work flew me through is set upon ruining my life,” I growl under my breath.

The service representatives have been berated enough, they don’t need me coming after them as well. (Even if I want to.)

(Crowley do I want to.)

“Right now it doesn’t have us leaving for another two hours, so at earliest I won’t be home until 3 in the morning. With the trend of how this has been going, I won’t be surprised if it gets canceled altogether.”

He huffs.

“I miss you.”

It comes out as a whisper, any quieter, and I would have missed it.

It’s not that he’s ashamed of saying it. We’ve said it a lot over the past two weeks.

He’s sad. I am too. I was supposed to be home by dinner. We were going to order takeaway and watch a movie, kiss and makeup for lost time.

Ignore all responsibilities of the world around us for the evening.

“I miss you too.” I face the large windows, looking at planes that aren’t mine leaving the runway.

The blasted airport is under construction too. Everyone said to fly in and out of La Guardia because it is easier, but I’m wondering if I should have taken JFK.

“I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

“You better. Preferably before I drink more spoiled milk.”

“Stay away from all dairy products until I return,” I chuckle into the phone.

An announcement comes over the intercom.

“They’re announcing another delay, I’m sure,” I groan. “I’ll send you a text.”

“I love you,” he says from the other side.

“I love you too,” I respond, ending the call and slipping it into my pocket.

(14:36): I hope you get home soon.

(14:36): Threaten to suck their blood, or something.

(14:36): I’m sure that would work.

(14:36): 😘 😘.

(14:37): You’re an idiot, Snow.

(14:37): XO.

Day 15, 4:16

I turn my key in the door, trying to quietly walk into the flat. My suitcase softly rolls against the wood behind me as I pull it in, letting it sit next to the door.

Unpacking can happen after I get at least fourteen hours of sleep.

I place a brown paper sack of scones on the kitchen table.

I couldn’t resist. The shop next to us had just opened, and I knew it would make him smile.

I continue down the hallway, stopping only to take a piss.

In our room, still blanketed in darkness apart from the street lights coming from the road beside us, Simon softly snores.

He still sleeps on his side of the bed while I’m away. It makes my heart feel softer than I’d like to admit.

One hand rests next to his head, his wings spread out across the bed.

I change clothes, relieving myself of all the feelings of travel before softly lifting a wing to get under the blanket and allow him to cover me again.

I don’t have long to process the fact that I’m with him again before I feel something wrap around my calf.

I pause for a moment before I remember.

The tail.

He is, for all I can tell, still asleep. Meaning it’s recognized I’m here and is saying hello in its own way.

I rub it softly with my other foot.

It dislikes not getting attention, you see.

Simon’s mouth is open as he breathes deeply. I think his pillow is a little wet.

I’d call it disgusting (it is, truly), but I missed him so much that I can’t help but smile.

I risk moving closer and kiss his cheek softly, trying not to wake him up.

I know he hasn’t slept well without me.

(I haven’t either, without him.)

Side effect of sleeping for so many years in that tower. We both got dreadfully used to hearing the other breathe, the way we each navigated and slept.

At this point, I think even his snoring lulls me to sleep.

(I still complain about it, however.)

An arm wraps behind my back and pulls me close.

He takes a deep breath, and when I pull back I see one eye open.

“Hey there,” he says, voice hoarse with sleep.

“Your breath smells.” I lean in, kissing his forehead.

“Well your hair is greasy,” he replies, pulling me into a kiss, his hand moving to my hair.

“You don’t seem to mind it.”

He hums in response.

I pull him tighter. I need to feel this. Everything.

His lips.

His hands.

His chest against mine.

“And you don’t seem to mind the morning breath,” he states, smiling at me as we break for a moment.

I open my mouth to retort but he puts a finger to my lips, shushing me.

“No talking, only kissing,” he whispers. “I’ve not kissed my fiancé in decades.”

He leans in but I pull back for a moment.

“It’s been two weeks, Snow.”

“Decades,” he states matter of factly. “Each day was like five years passed. It’s been 70 years. I’ve gone grey and wrinkly, waiting for you to return.”

I laugh, being shut up briefly by another round of kisses.

I should sleep.

But this is so much better than sleeping.

I feel something wet hit my cheek.

Backing up, worried there is a leak from the ceiling, I realize why.

It’s Simon.

“Love,” I say.

What’s wrong?

“It’s fine; it’s fine,” he says, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. “I’m just tired, and I missed you.”

Another tear drops from one of his eyes, and I brush it away with my thumb.

I open my mouth to say a response, to comfort, but I feel a stinging in my own eyes.

(My eyes have been open for too long, you see. Couldn’t sleep on the plane. I’ve been up far too long to be able to control any tears that fall.)

I lean in to kiss him again.

We kiss, and kiss, and keep kissing. Hands roam, trying to remind our brains of what it feels like to have each other again.

It was dark when we started, but soon an orange haze comes over the room as the sun rises.

The tears start, stop, start again.

Laughter rings out a few times.

“You did WHAT to our oven??” I shout at one point.

He lays now with his head on my chest. My eyes are closed, fingers scratching his head lightly.

His hand is softly rubbing my stomach.

“Wait,” Simon says, jumping up and looking at me.

I blink a few times, trying to fight off the sleep that was about to overcome me.

“Did you get?” He asks, question incomplete.

I search his eyes for a moment, frowning, trying to comprehend before I realize what he is saying.

“Yes, they are on the table,” I laugh softly.

He jumps up and starts to go to the door.

He pauses, looking back at me, clearly wracking his brain with a question.

“We can eat them in bed,” I say, knowing where his mind is trying to go.

He smiles and continues his run to the kitchen.

I look out the window and see the sun hit the windows of nearby buildings.

It’s good to be home.

#snowverylost #carry on #simon snow #baz pitch #snowbaz #Caity does fanfiction #I hope you like this!#Me #Trying To Do A Text Fic #lol #<3 you birdy

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punpunsutatta · 4 years ago

Text

thanks for the tag tay and cass @teh-ohaew @wavelovespang !! sorry it took me so long 😅 i did most of it already, just had a few questions left

tagging: @yibobibo @morksuns and whoever else wants, i always feel like i’m annoying ppl with tags lol

1. WHAT IS THE COLOR OF YOUR HAIRBRUSH? black

2. NAME A FOOD YOU NEVER EAT. sushi (dni)

3. ARE YOU TYPICALLY TOO WARM OR TOO COLD? too warm! i'm told i'm like a space heater lol, plus my hands heat up sometimes

4. WHAT WERE YOU DOING 45 MINUTES AGO? waking up from this 8 hour nap coma

5. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE CANDY BAR? p basic, twix (full-size, the mini stuff is NOT it) snickers or dairy milk

6. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A PROFESSIONAL SPORTS GAME? nope i'm allergic LMAO (edit: so i got my bloodwork results and turns out i AM allergic adjvfdsnc but not to sports)

7. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU SAID OUT LOUD? "can you wake me up in an hour and a half" 🤡

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM? idk abt favorite but my go-to is cookies and cream, never fails

9. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU HAD TO DRINK? milk from my cereal

10. DO YOU LIKE YOUR WALLET? yeah!! it's chunky and looks like a PS1 console :) it's rlly dumb now for my big age but i got it sooo many years ago and it has yet to break

11. WHAT IS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? cereal for lunch (soulmates @ tay!!)

12. DID YOU BUY ANY NEW CLOTHES LAST WEEKEND? nothing much, like 3 shirts

13. WHAT’S THE LAST SPORTING EVENT YOU WATCHED?

14. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF POPCORN? buttery 🤤

15. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU SENT A TEXT MESSAGE TO? one of my best friends, he sent me a tiktok

16. EVER BEEN CAMPING? nah. i think it was hasan minhaj? or trevor noah? maybe both? who once was talking about camping re: the homeland, basically like "nah that was my life, you know how hard i worked to never go camping again?" that sums up my parents' mindset LMAO so i never went growing up. and adult me is far from outdoorsy rip

17. DO YOU TAKE VITAMINS? i should but i forgot to refill them a while ago and just never did :) (edit: i got my refill guys✊🏼)

18. DO YOU REGULARLY ATTEND A PLACE OF WORSHIP? i work at one!

19. DO YOU HAVE A TAN? nope, she hasn't seen the sun in ages :))

20. DO YOU PREFER CHINESE OR PIZZA? uhhhhhh pizza? just bc it's way faster to get pizza than good halal chinese around here

21. DO YOU DRINK YOUR SODA THROUGH A STRAW? if i have one

22. WHAT COLOR SOCKS DO YOU USUALLY WEAR? black with random colors on them, i love mixing them i have a million funky pairs 🥺

23. DO YOU EVER DRIVE ABOVE THE SPEED LIMIT? don't drive

24. WHAT TERRIFIES YOU? i just woke up can we NOT

25. LOOK TO YOUR LEFT, WHAT DO YOU SEE? the door to my room

26. WHAT CHORE DO YOU HATE MOST? organizing my room, there's just too much SHIT between me and my sister plus i'm a pack rat

27. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU HEAR AN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT? my brain automatically starts copying lolol same with british accents

28. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE SODA? coke or ginger ale

29. DO YOU GO IN A FAST FOOD PLACE OR JUST HIT THE DRIVE THRU? drive-thru. if we're already in the car might as well make it a shorter trip asdfghjkl

30. WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER? 7

31. WHO’S THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO? my sister just woke up and asked me what time it is

32. FAVORITE MEAT? chicken

33. LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO? freaky girls- megan thee stallion feat. SZA

34. LAST BOOK YOU READ? been looking into a lot of 4th grade level books for work

35. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? friday night

36. CAN YOU SAY THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS? nope

37. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE? don't drink it often, but even then its the sugary shit. like if someone's making a dunkin run then I'll ask for a medium caramel iced latte w/ whipped cream

38. FAVORITE PAIR OF SHOES? i got this pair of combat boots and they are so 😩😩

39. TIME YOU NORMALLY GET UP? sometimes 8ish but mostly 11:30ish. i'm so grateful for sleeping in this semester

40. WHAT DO YOU PREFER, SUNRISE OR SUNSETS? i never get to see either my room doesn't have a window rip

41. HOW MANY BLANKETS ON YOUR BED? there's no central heating/cooling in my room & it's ESPECIALLY cold this year so i currently have THREE ethnic blankets asdfghjkl

42. DESCRIBE YOUR KITCHEN PLATES. @ desi diaspora kids, you know the white ones with the blue design around the edges? yeah THOSE.

43. DESCRIBE YOUR KITCHEN AT THE MOMENT. i took a break from these Qs & went down for water earlier, it looks fine? a couple dishes in the sink but w/e

44. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? nah i don't drink

45. DO YOU PLAY CARDS? as a kid but not anymore, i've learned how to play Uno a good 4-5 times at this point but i just forget :) every time :)

46. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?

47. CAN YOU CHANGE A TIRE? HAH no

48. YOUR FAVORITE STATE OR PROVINCE? unironically? punjab 💪🏼

49. FAVORITE JOB YOU’VE HAD? don't have one, they’ve all been okay

#tag game

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bbygrgu · 5 years ago

Text

fifty questions

Thank you for the tag @jalapenobarnes

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush? tan and black

2. Name a food you never ever eat. beans, easily. I also will not eat tripas o lengua. sorry.

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? cold, but I'm always around the house barefoot and in shorts

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Raging over Modern Warfare bc I am trash but I love the “Drop Zone” mode

5. What is your favourite candy bar? Kit Kat’s. Easily. Next.

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? I’ve seen a Chicago Fire game if that counts.

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? “can you tell him to come take care of the Batman?”

8. What is your favourite ice cream? I love almost every flavor. Salted Caramel is a must but I LOVE Ben n Jerry’s Chunky Monkey

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Iced Tea w/ Lemonade

10. Do you like your wallet? no, she’s getting worn

11. What was the last thing you ate? These Polish meat patties that my mom made. She made them with turkey meat bc we don’t really eat pork in my house

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no.

13. The last sporting event you watched? next.

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Give me anything buttery.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? @jalapenobarnes, I said “dude, I don’t even know it’s still alive LMAO”

16. Ever go camping? NOPE, but I do enjoy hiking!

17. Do you take vitamins? Vitamin C.

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? Hell no. My religious beliefs , though I was raised Catholic, aren’t like that. I find church so boring, I would always daydream and come up with scenarios. I only go for my grandparent’s celebration of life mass. I don’t know what you call them.

19. Do you have a tan? No, I am pale n red

20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza? Fuck yes.

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? When I drink soda, nope.

22. What color socks do you usually wear? I HAVE TONS OF CUTE SOCKS SO DEPENDS WHAT MOOD I’M IN AND IF I HAVE A FEELING THOSE BITCHES WILL DISAPPEAR IN THE LAUNDRY.

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? Yes. I hate going slow, lmao. But the moment you see a cop, you better slow tf down. If you see a camera or school zone, you better slow tf down. Illinois just wants everyone’s money.

24. What terrifies you? myself.

25. Look to your left, what do you see? My mom’s purse and her work backpack, clean scrubs next to that.

26. What chore do you hate most? washing dishes and mopping

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? H2O (yes, I know that's in New Zealand but I can’t help my stupid brain)

28. What’s your favorite soda? Seagram’s Gingerale, Coke but it has to be the one from the glass bottle (hecho en Mexico), Sidral Mundel, Yoli’s, and thought it’s not soda, Peñafiel de Limón.

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive? Drive.

30. What is your favourite number? 5. It’s my birth date and my number in water polo.

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? my best friend

32. Favourite cut of beef? I don’t know what you would call it in English, I think it’s short ribs? but costilla 🤤

33. Last song you listened to? are U gonna tell her by Tove Lo ft. Mc Zaac

34. Last book you read? UM, UM, I can’t remember but I am reading The Cactus by Sarah Haywood

35. Favourite day of the week? Fridays for sure

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? I still gotta sing the damn song

37. How do you like your coffee? Iced, with coconut milk

38. Favourite pair of shoes? My new Kaptir X Shoes (Adidas) and my NMD_R1 Star Wars (the Rey ones) which are also Adidas

39. The time you normally get up? 6am or 7am on the weekdays, 6am on Sundays and Saturdays around 9-10

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? SUNSETS. I used to love sunrises in high school

41. How many blankets on your bed? Two comforters and a weighted blanket

42. Describe your kitchen plates. Plain white or black with a rim that pops up.

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment? she cute.

44. Do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? I just turned twenty on and I wasn’t very social in high school plus I commute to uni. I love Four Lokos (Fruit Punch), Tequila, Svedka. I love Mango Margaritas. I hate beer, but you give me a good ass Michelada, you’ve got my love.

45. Do you play cards? no.

46. What colour is your car? red

47. Can you change a tire? no, I rely on my Mexican father and all his connections way too much.

48. Your favourite state? El Estado de Mexico y Michoacan. I hate it here in states. The only thing I like about Illinois is the national parks tbh. Oh, I COMPLETELY FORGOT I TRAVELED. I know it’s not a state, but Washington D.C was beautiful when I went around this time, four years ago. The cherry blossoms made the entire trip worth it.

49. Favourite job you’ve had? lmao

50. How did you get your biggest scar? I was like 12 n stupid. I was riding my brother’s small ass bike (he’s five years younger than me). I was on the street and I was riding the bike while standing up and I accidentally leaned forward and fucking flipped forward. My knee has a scar (even tho I think everyone’s knees are scar-ed up) and my left pink toe is a lighter shade lMAO

Tagging, no pressure: @rogueobservation, @stargazingcarol, @jewelswrites-ish,

#about me

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jiminsfault · 5 years ago

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50 questions tag

I got tagged by @yoongs-jeontae ! Thank you💖

What colors is your hairbrush? It’s like a brown-ish shimmery color? Idk o.o

What food would you never eat? I probably would never be able to eat the meat of rabbits or deers, sheep and that kind of stuff

Are you usually hot or cold? I’m always a cozy crispy amount of warmth under my blanket. But when I’m outside I go from both extremes because I’m super sensitive so, spring/summer: always hot, autumn/winter: always cold. There is no inbetween

What did you do 45 minutes ago? I was in an online class and got math tutoring🤠 it was horrible thanks for asking my brain is fried

Favorite chocolate? The really dark kind. It’s the only chocolate I’ll ever really crave. I can bear milk chocolate if I have to

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? I hAve actually omg! It was a handball game and super boring, I didn’t know whats going on ever and only clapped when everyone else did🤡 (I was forced by my ex to tag along I absolutely hate sports)

What was the last thing you said out loud? “Oh my god, that was horrible” right after I ended the call with my teacher skckjs

Favorite ice cream flavor? Brownie fudge? Is that what it’s called? The chocolate ice cream with brownie pieces in it, it’s so fUcking gOOD sorry for cursing it’s necessary

What was the last thing you drank? Some nice crispy wAter

What kind of wallet do you have? A small black one because I didn’t think about practicality when buying it. Currently looking for a bigger one.

What was the last thing you ate? I actually have no clue if that’s the english word for it but kebab? IT’S DÖNER IN GERMAN

Did you buy clothes last weekend? I haven’t bought clothes in months actually omg

What was the last sports event you saw? I watched the soccer game that’s like a really big thing back in 2018 🤠🤠

Who was the last person you texted? My mom cus she’s out buying groceries and asked me what kind of ice cream I want kekdjejd

Do you like camping? I despise camping with my entire being. When I was little my mom always forced me to go on 500 camping trips a year and I feel the biggest rage in me when I think about all the bugs and uncomfortable nights I- will not continue talking about this now.

Do you eat vitamins? No, like not at all. Not one vitamin has entered my body in a few weeks. I used to have these tablets that disappear in water but I stopped drinking that because I only take them bc of my muscles and currently I’m not leaving the house so,,, don’t need them >:)

When was the last time you traveled? The last time I full on traveled like outside of the country was in 2018 when my class went to italy because of our graduation 🤠 trauma

Do you like sunbathing? I can’t really answer that because if I sunbathe I will burn. Like literally I’m getting a sunburn just from walking to the train on a sunny day if I don’t have the strongest suncream on??? My skin is very🤡 so yeah idk if I like it? Never tried

Asian or Italian food? Asian food absolutely. I’m not sure about italian food because I just don’t know anything about italian kitchen but I dO knOw that theres so much variety with asian food? And so far I’ve loved every asian dish I’ve tried so,,

Do you drink soda? Nope. I stopped drinking soda four years ago I think because my skin was sO bad and I gained weight so quickly without eating a lot so I stopped drinking soda and tada! Barely getting pimples now😎 also it’s just tastier like my mouth doesn’t stick anymore and I don’t literally feel the sugar on my teeth?? (Although I do sometimes sip on a bit of coke but only on special occasions)

What color socks are you wearing now? White with a very,, aqua? blue stripe? And the name of the brand in the same color🤠 fashion

When was the last time you were speeding? I don’t drive🤡😔

What are you afraid of? Everything pretty much. Commitment, people leaving me, talking to people, failing, succeeding, should I continue?

What can you see if you turn left? A lot? It’s inside my room (my bed is in the right corner) but first thing would be my switch cus she laying next to me

What kind of housework you like the least? I actually love housework? At least the things that I do. Like I never mow the lawn because that’s not my job yknow? But I like emptying and filling the dish washer, cleaning pans in the sink, doing the laundry, wiping the floor. Maybe I should become a maid?

What is the first thing you think of when you hear someone talking in a language you don’t know? I try to hear what language it is, like I try guessing at least. Of course I don’t know what every language sounds like but it’s a fun little game I have for myself when I’m bored in public transpo

Do you sleep on your back or side? On my right side towards the wall. At least at night, when I take a nap I sleep on my left side towards the room. Idk why pls don’t ask me, I can’t fall asleep otherwise.

You crave fast food, where do you go? So around where I live there aren’t a lot of options? Also in germany in general we don’t have the fast food fest that america has, so I always go for either Mcdonald’s or Subway.

What is your lucky number? 5. I don’t know when it became my favorite/lucky number but somehow at some point in time it’s become the number I always use when someone wants me to guess or answer a question, I use it for picking things and all that🤡🤠 maybe it’s because it sounds rly funny in german

Who was the last person you talked to? In person my mom cus she’s the only one I see nowadays. On the phone would be two of my friends and I also talked to my tutoring teacher through discord so? Pick👁👁

Do you eat meat? I would say no if I wouldn’t sometimes do slip some meat in. It’s very rare and a small amount when I do. Idk how this developed because I used to eat meat multiple times a week but at some point I started only eating chicken and only in smaller amounts and sometimes not even once in two weeks. I eat fish tho? Does that count?

What was the last song you listened to? “Love without tragedy/mother mary” by rihanna because I was feeling the 10’s last night at 5am🤠

Last book? I actually just tried to find the english title of it but I can’t find any sign of it being translated so,, “der Totenzeichner” by Veit Etzold. I read this book twice, once in 9th grade and once just recently and I will not get enough of it. Another one of his books “Final cut” is laying on my bedside table waiting for me to start it. He’s an iconic author.

What is your favourite day of the week? If we were speaking from when it’s a regular routine and I would go to uni, I’d say Monday. I know I sound like a psycho but saying friday or saturday is my favorite day is basic because obviously everyone loves the weekend. Monday is a great day usually because my day starts in third period and does still go 6 classes like regular days but it feels nice to go into uni later in the day so I always appreciate it. (Tho saturday do be hitting different)

Do you know the alphabet song backwards? I don’t even know it forwards 🤡😔

Favorite coffee/tea? I don’t drink coffee but my favorite tea is probably fennel tea, everyone I know hates it, especially without sugar but I love it :(

Favourite shoes? From the ones I personally own I’d say my nike zoom 2ks because they look good and are super comfortable. Shoes that I wish I would have would be Dr. Martens but I’m pOor🤡 I am absolutely a whore for sneakers so I won’t even start listing all the sneakers I love

When do you usually go to sleep? If I’m on schedule around 11-12pm of actually going into the bed physically and falling asleep 30/40 minutes later. While I’m now constantly at home I do still physically get into bed at the same time but I stay up from 2-7am depending on how fun people are, if I play a game, if I read/draw, have a series or movie to watch. I’m insane I am aware🤡

When do you usually wake up? Again, when I’m on schEdule I wake up mondays and tuesdays at 6.30am, from wednesday to friday at 6.10am, on the weekend around 10am. Right now? It’s a surprise everyday. Sometimes I’m up at 4pm, sometimes I’m up at 10am, today I was actually super early with 9.30 so😎

Sunrise or sunset? That’s actually so hard because I do see the sunset a lot more than rise since I have my rOllÄdEn down so I don’t actually remember what a sunrise looks like. Because I have no other choice I say sunset. With doubt.

Do you like your bed soft or hard? I thINK my bed is hard? I once laid on a friend’s bed that was super soft and I’m pretty sure I didn’t like it

Describe the plate you are eating from? They’re from ikea. They’re white with like blue swirls idk my mom bought them I didn’t make the decisions

Your favorite type of alcohol? Currently I don’t really drink alcohol (mainly because of the lack of opportunities) bUt when I do drink I really like sweet sparkling wine (I googled this I’m not sure if that’s the right word idkd)

Do you like board games? Depending on which people I play with. If a person is getting angry that they’re losing it makes the game absolutely suck and since I’m surrounded by those people I haven’t made good memories with board games kcjdjs,,, if the company is fun I like the games too tho

If you had a car, what kind would it be? Unrealisticly I’d love to own a Lamborghini Aventador or Urus because those cars are just mouth-watering to me. Since I most likely won’t ever be able to afford either of those, I’d love to have a Fiat 500. I fell in love with this car like,,, it’s so cute and the inside is pretty too so everything fits for me the way I want it to. I’ll have to settle for a way less nice car tho once I get a license, at least for a while🤡

Do you know how to change car tires? In theory yes

Dream country? Like to live in? Damn idk. I’d love to live in a country with like,, cULTURE you know? Something exciting and cool to look at, less stuck up people almans be really boring 🤡 so maybe something like spain or italy, maybe america if yall vote for a different president. Japan or Korea would be super cool too I- the whole world ma’am? I couldn’t live in countries like idk hawaii or sumn because of the heat so I’ll just mfing stay in germany😔😔

If you could choose from any jobs in the world, what would you like to do? If I would have the chance I’d love to become an actor because that just seems super cool. But like I’m not nearly attractive enough for people to want to look at me on a scEen so nO

What would you like to try to do? I’m pretty set on trying to learn how to dance like that’s probably not as exciting as other things I could do but :/ yeh idk

And what is stopping you? Literally just me being lazy and talking myself into believing I won’t be good without even trying nsncjsks (also yes I seperated these questions because otherwise it wouldn’t be 50)

thIs was sO mUch omg sjjcjs I’m literally exhausted from all these questions😩😩

I’m tagginggg @gallhali @shadowsremedy if u wanna!

#tagged #fairyfriends #yoongs-jeontae

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recalibr8 · 5 years ago

Text

The mEtOHd in my madness

I’d been out with my teen lads on a Friday. We got off the train and there was a young, crumpled woman sat on the platform, fat tears splashing into a puddle of sick on her trench coated lap. I offered her some tissues; I’m a mum, it come with the membership card. After a few sorries she asked “where did you stop?”. It took us a while to realise she meant, ‘where are we?’ She was out by 2 stations which on the face of it wasn’t bad. We pointed her onto the next train, gave her a mint (gold membership benefits) and my youngest shouted “take care of yourself” as we trudged up the platform. We agreed it was probably work drinks getting out of bounds and she’d be ok now she had tissues. But I kept thinking, “where did you stop?”. Where did I stop? Because I’m now AF af.

AF af. That’s alcohol free and doing pretty darn ruddy brilliant. Three months ago I upgraded my BrewDog to NannyState, went Becks Blue and am thinking in an offhand way about brewing Kombucha. I’ve teamed this up with going plasticlite, veganish and kimchi curious. So far, so middle class virtual signalling. But where did I stop?

I’ve been drinking since I was 5. I’d adorably finish up the beer in my parents’ guests glasses and well, kept going. Not in a Drew, Carrie or Liza rehab by 13 sense but I think I’ve probably had my fair share. I’m well aware that I knew, know and don’t know but suspect people who I love who have significant alcohol use problems and this is blog is in no way trying to say my needs are greater than theirs. I know a lot of highly creative endeavours and friendships were found in a gin bottle but also unforgivable abuses. And I know friends whose acts are based around the camaraderie of drinking. And I’d never tell anyone what they *should* do. But like all ex anybodies, I’m annoying about my sobriety journey right now. Bear with me.

But it’s not just me though. I see booze everywhere. For a dose related lethal toxin that’s very effective marketing. There’s a giant ad on Toots Broadway station entreating me to Go Bottomless and every other Facebook ad is for a spirit that promises to make evenings round the back of Catford Lidl magical. And many of these are aimed at women. A recent industry survey found ‘only’ 17% of women drank beer and this needed sorting out. Look out for more lady drinking adverts, they’re coming.

But I wasn’t alcoholic. Was I? Are you? You’re only an alcoholic if you have one more drink than you doctor. I’m

a doctor ... so let’s take a look.

*I’m really low on the alcoholic check list*

I’ve never drank alcohol in the morning, blacked out, been told by others I have a problem, had to apologise...

Ah, I have had to apologise once or twice. Nothing major, just ‘sorry, I was a bit wobbly/silly/rude/loud/insulting/gave you my shoes as a gift’. I once lost my credit and oyster card at the bar of a immersive theatre event though. I don’t know how I got home. I had to find the site manager the next day and he definitely had other things to do. Not long after my bag was stolen in SoHo because I was distracted. Not sure how I got home then either. Friends put me in an Uber after my MA showcase because I wasn’t walking very straight. Or being very nice. So I definitely remember getting home then.

These were all Thursdays or weekends. I’ve always been careful not to have any chance of affecting my work. But yeah, how clear headed was I for my family, myself? And much of this was stress drinking after a week of being a clever doctor. Just loosened up the joints a bit. Particularly if your slightly socially awkward. But I wasn’t a drunk, no. Maybe just a binge drinker. And that’s ok, isn’t it?

*Hangovers are just a thing*.

With only drinking at the end of the week, I was careful not to be hungover at work. But I had a Friday at home hangover where I didn’t get out of bed for the day. I claimed I’d been poisoned. I’d just had one too many Jaegerbombs. I vomited in the taxi. I’ve vomited in several taxis. That’s not a good look at any age. Hangovers are a funny meme, a cartoon of a dog in sunglasses, office banter. It’s your liver crying and your brain folding it’s arms in judgment. It’s not bad wine, it’s bad choices.

*Get kids used to drinking. Like the French. Then they won’t binge*.

My 13 year old buys old vodka bottles from charity shops. Wearing a furry hat, his comedy drunk Russian is not bad I used to have the deepest voice of my friends at 14 so it was my job to buy the booze for house parties. My mother always told me drink a pint of milk before you go out to soak up the booze. At 14. I had a few sexual assaults along the way but if I blame myself that’s victim blaming and I don’t want to be a bad feminist on top of everything. Med school in the 80’s/90’s was all over the drink. Freshers’ week was a booze insurance test. The circle line pub crawl, the Clint Eastwood Appreciation Society, the Med School pub crawl...end at Barts because Smithfield’s liscence meant you’d keep going all night.

*Booze always cheers you up*.

I’ve got to confess, my life has got a lot quieter. I’m going out much less, I leave early, I’m not champagne Charlie any more. I’m always, well, me. My dad was a depressed alcoholic, so was his dad (he ran a tobacconist and offie so that didn’t help) and his dad before him. And I have depression and PTSD. My moods are now not so high, but they are also not so low. This is very strange. I’m hoping this is a good thing. I’ve heard it is. This, this is the mEtOHd in my madness. The mood stabilisation. That’s the plan.

*Being a doctor is just one of those boozey jobs*

Fun quiz! Who do you think drinks the most? Enough to have a problem. Oooh, were good at guessing this in ED. Writers must be bad, farmers, journalists! yes, they’re always drunk, private invsestigators (?), airline pilots (like my dad, I saw what those guys put away). Ok...it’s.

Lawyers - reporting 33% with problematic drinking

Construction workers- 16.5%

Miners -17.5%

Then it’s Healthcare workers, especially doctors (oh no). A. 2012 study of American surgeons published in JAMA Surgery found 15.4 percent had an alcohol use disorder. Female surgeons (25.6 percent) were more likely than male surgeons (13.9 percent) to exhibit symptoms of alcohol addiction. Healthcare professionals in general it’s 10%

https://www.drugrehab.com/addiction/common-professions/

Performing artists and writers - 11.5%

Catering/hospitality -11%

So no pilots then? I think there’s something they’re not telling us or things are much better since the 80’s.  

A 1998 study of junior doctors in Newcastle-upon-Tyne reported that:

* 60% exceeded the recommended safe limits for alcohol consumption

* 36% of males and 20% of females used cannabis

The Sick Doctors Trust says “Since our working lives are spent helping others, it is easy to push aside our own problems, in addition to which, denial is quite common in medical staff. This is not deliberate, but a part of the whole illness of addiction. That addiction is a chronic illness which therefore requires treatment as for any other condition, is now well-established but there is still a tendency to feel that it is a sign of weakness, and that maybe things aren't 'that bad'.’

That some individuals are more prone to developing addiction is generally agreed. There is no single determining factor, but usually a combination of biological, psychosocial and environmental factors - a mixture of nature and nurture. There is now much evidence implicating dysfunction in the Dopamine transmitter system & it’s involvement in craving. There is also evidence to suggest that the effect alcohol has on an individual’s brain is genetically determined. A family history is present in many alcoholics- those having direct family affected being more at risk...

*Its a family affair*

I went to Adult Children of Alcoholics once. It wasn’t for me but what they said made total sense. I take responsibility for everyone, I’m primed for betrayal and disaster and I totally thrive in emotional drama. My dad wasn’t a nice drunk. He made my mum drink when pregnant ‘to keep him company’. She in turn gave babies a tot of brandy to keep them quiet as a stewardess and I can’t imagine my permanently shouting parents wouldn’t have liked us to be quiet babies too. So I’ve got pre and postnatal form. But I don’t have to fix them now. Particularly dad. It’s quite hard to fix dead people.

https://adultchildren.org/

*Booze: the solution AND cause of all of life’s difficulties*

Sick Doctors again “ Alcohol is the commonest substance of abuse in all doctors. Drinking will surprisingly continue despite negative consequences such as job difficulties, relationship breakdowns, financial problems, loss of driving licence; the alcoholic is driven by an irrational compulsion to continue, and frequently results in despair to the point of suicide. Fortunately, the depression associated with active alcoholism often abates when sober.”

http://sick-doctors-trust.co.uk/page/addiction

*I’m not an alcoholic*

and you probably aren’t either. But you might have problematic drinking. I did a survey as part of an UCLH research project. You can too. I lied a bit on it and still came out drinking more than 97% of women my age. Now an icon opens up on my phone every day to that says ‘DRINK LESS’. I stopped leaving my phone on meetings tables.

Drink Less. by Robert West

https://apps.apple.com/gb/app/drink-less/id1020579244

If you are thinking about getting help for problematic drinking or any other addictions including workaholism or have any burnout symptoms for more than 3 weeks, you can of course get staff support and occupational health. But/And there is the amazing NHS Practitioner Health Programme where doctors with any addictions are supported https://php.nhs.uk/ DocHealth is another equally good programme https://www.dochealth.org.uk/. I used the latter when it was MedNet.

So, do I feel amazing? Had I got amazing skin, lost weight, feel energised and hopeful. Urg, not really. I feel a bit scared actually. I’ve lost my social crutch and I’ve stopped going out. I’m worried I’m boring and people will think I’m weird. But....I can get up earlier to walk the dog, I’m moderately less tired and although I’m not skipping down the road happy, the depressive moment I had in spring could have been a lot worse. I think that’s actually amazing. And that’s why I’m doing this. I want to face the world honestly and openly. I want to enjoy my kids before they leave home which is frighteningly soon and weirdly, I want to know my liver replaced itself in a year so I’m literally a new person (don’t google Theseus’ Boat Paradox, life is complicated enough). Oddly compelling, that. So where did I stop? I stopped here. In a weird waiting room in my head. But with the promise of a new adventure through the next door.

But don’t stop doing you, babes. Keep telling me your booze bantz. They are hilarious. Any story that starts or ends with Baileys is only going one way. This clearly isn’t a lecture. Most people can do moderation. And do could I, mostly. And it’s the mostly that’s not good enough. Not for me. Not any more.

Online support - https://www.facebook.com/groups/joinclubsoda/?ref=share

Samaritans- https://www.samaritans.org/

BMA wellbeing including 24 hour support - https://www.bma.org.uk/advice/work-life-support/your-wellbeing

Tea and Empathy for doctors’ online support - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1215686978446877/?ref=share

Al Anon for children of alcoholics https://adultchildren.org/

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

Dedicated to my husband who gave up the wine w*nker 6 years ago without any of this mid life crisis fuss. But I gave up meat and caffeine first so I still win.

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bowlerhatwearer · 6 years ago

Text

Lost Guilt

One Shot by Bowlerhatwearer

Ghost Pupper/S,Snow by @stedilnik

Ervin Niedmüller by @bowlerhatwearer

Warning: Story involves: drug abuse, blood, semi strong language, death

Before this story starts I have, to avoid confusion say two things:

- Ervin speaks with a German Accent

- The paragraphs jump between first and third person narrative. With the exception of the last who is also written in third person.

Read to your own risk.

~~~~~~

“Shit” It’s the first thought that shoots in my brain, what a “great” way to start my morning. The sunlight blinds one of my eyes, something I tried under all circumstances to avoid but failed already in the moment when I didn’t close my with smoke and other substances ridden curtains. Not fully awake yet I get up, looking at myself it’s easy for me to notice and remember that I didn’t got out of my clothes that I wore since yesterday, no, since yesterdays yesterday. The mustard stain on my grey shirt reminds me of the date, I think.

Dry, like a plant that desires water since several months but is denied the liquid, that’s how I feel right now, or do I feel like this everyday? Since I went deeper down the never ending spiral my brain can’t make good connections any more, it is in a 24/7 hour mood. Like searching a needle in a haystack. During my walk to the bathroom I inhale the flavour of cold smoke, mostly from tobacco but also weed. Evidence from this claim are the cigarette packets next to some beer, medication bottles and some ends of self rolled joints. My next thought is as scrambled as myself, but I can only smile about it.

Cold, I forgot to turn on the boiler again didn’t I? A rhetorical question at this point, whatever, I can shower later, with my senses a bit more clearer I know now that I need to get out of the student apartment, but where to go? The park? The train station of this forsaken city? The woo- nearly automatically I clench my hands on the sink, breathing heavy, do I really want to go to this place? Really, especially today? It takes me a while, minutes probably, like my mind, my feeling for time is lost. I’m lost. The cold water helps my senses, my face confronts in the shining glass, I can only grin about the guy who meets me in the mirror.

A Cat, medium size with grey-black stripes, the fur is felted and dirty. Some pieces of it is in some places lighter or non-existent. Mostly because of scars or injection sites. Sometimes the healed injuries and cuts happened due of meaningless fights. The ember eyes are dull, or rather became dull with time, ridden with tear sacks and folds that a feline my age should not have. A soft smile reveals on the first sight nothing, but inspecting it closer one of my eye-teeth broke off a bit, it’s what you get when you mess with the wrong dealer.

“Miss Beauty Queen first price” the words, coming from my mouth sound more like croaking rather than speaking, from all the smoking I must’ve been getting hoarse.

Before I decide to leave my messed up bathroom I take some medicine bottles with me, mostly painkillers and sleeping pills, never hurts to have those.

My next station would be the kitchen, but I don’t feel hungry, since days, weeks or months I don’t feel it. Despite eating only one burger a day it feels as if I’m not loosing weight, maybe it’s due of the liqueur, I don’t know. With a single click on a button I look at the landline phone, despite not old at all it’s already ridden with three and a half cracks on the earpiece something that just happens if hit it with all force on the table.

Looking at the answering machine I notice that I have four absent calls.

All of them from my parents.

They still think I’m in law school, actually university, they put a lot of money into it and me.

Put a lot of money in a failure, a junky, a criminal.

A Murderer

I’m one, no I’m not, or am I? I’m not sure how you call someone like me?

Pulling out the last crumbs from my eyes I head to the door of my flat. It’s dramatic, a tragedy and I’m the protagonist of it. My parents believe I’m still the son they raised, still going to law school to become a “highly respected truthfully member of society, a lawyer” I became a victim of myself and drug abuse. That’s what I’m now. A well aware mistake, a failure, a slacker who still gets send money from his parents, despite thrown out of the university months ago, they just don’t know.

All of this, could’ve been prevented on that day, that one year anniversary. My one way ticket to oblivion and destruction.

Forgetting my self pity for a while I go down the stairs, I don’t greet anyone, say no word, just stomping down and further down the stairs, destiny, bus station. Which is not too far ahead from the building. Everyone I see on my way, I don’t recognise them really, they all became blurry one day, unimportant, they are like shadows to me.

I’m just in time for the bus, like me it has seen better days, the city is nice, but like many it lacks the money to buy new public vehicles, they still run the ones from the 60s, when there was this financial uprising, that later ended in quite highly debts and unemployment. The rust attacks the green lack, the leather seats ripped open by accident and or on purpose.

It doesn't bother me being a fare dodger here and there, if they throw me out I just walk the rest of the way.

The seats are nice, not because of their appearance, despite their age they can be comfy and warm, it makes me notice that despite sleeping 10 hours, I’m still tired, so tired, since the final stop is my destination, It doesn't matte, there is always time to sleep time away.

<...>

Knocking, buzzing, knocking and buzzing. It takes the cat a while to notice that it’s his hard-line phone and the door, not the pleasant dream he had that creates this order of sounds. Responding at first with a grunt and the thought to throw the old thing on the wall he rethinks it and tiredly answers, whoever desperately tries to call him. Looking down at the line-phone it’s easily for the feline to answer who is the desperate, or rather annoying caller since no one other he knew would call around this time.

“Snow, zats you?”

“Rise and shine morning cat, it’s already twelve you know.”

“Sorry, I-, I think I napped in vhen studying the...law about trespassing I zink?”

“Learning again tomcat? I thought your test was already last week?”

“Listen S, if you’re in law school every veek is a test, at least for me.”

“Dawww, poor kitty, you sure you don’t want to change the subject?”

“Nah, you know my goal, I vant to help those poor cases, it’s not their fault if they go down zis spiral, it’s most of the time a hard househo-, vhy are you calling me?”

“Oh you know, I’m done with my shift, Alponso is still working, I’m bored-”

“-you vant to hang out?”

“...”

“Danged S, vhere are you even right now?”

“Well, what would you do if my answer is at your door, trying to wake you up with calling and knocking.”

“GOD DAMIT!” the law student didn’t even bother if his neighbours heard him.

It was always the same with S, or Snow, that’s what he called the white furred short-hair dog with long black hair and as black eyes, she would just appear in front of his door or call him, bothering until he would say yes, and the worst of all, he always said yes, one the other side S gave him a change in the grey-black striped cats right now monotone live.

Opening the door as fast as if he was hunted by a pack of racing cars Ervin was greeted by a smaller as him, white dog girl who grinned unsure while greeting him with a short wave before she placed her new so called “mobile phone” in an as white as her fur was backpack.

He wasn’t sure if he should just throw the door right into her face or scream but decided to gave her too a hand sign meaning she should just step in, Ervin didn’t really bother that S, saw him in his olive green flannel pyjamas right now.

“You look se-”

“Nicht ein Wort S, Nicht ein Wort.” despite the words spoken out in German the dog understood clearly that her opponent in the door frame was not amused.

“Aww come on now, and don’t call me S, I’ve a name you know tomboy.”

“Well lets see, you come here vhenever you like, you raid my fridge and call me sometimes during my lessons, so...nein.”

“Killjoy, speaking of-”

“There’s a hamburger in my fridge, you can varm it up in the microwafe while I take a shower and change clothes.”

“And here I thought you would go out in that flannel stile, I heard it’s the newest trend.”

“Haha, you’re killing me S, more than I vish for.”

Showing her dog tongue plus blowing raspberry's the dog girl began to salvage for the said nutrient, that was according to the law student in his fridge.

“Oh and just to be sure-” half trough the door of the bathroom Ervin grabbed as fast as he could his wallet that still laid on the kitchen table

“So vee von’t have zhe accident like last time.”

“I told you it wasn’t me who drew the moustache and monocle on the license photo.”

Grumbling the door got closed and locked.

“How comes that your fancy pants of a roommate doesn't hafe time for you, on a Thursday afternoon?”

“Overtime, he seriously needs the money for the new fridge, the old ones busted and we still try to get out the smell of spoiled milk and rotten eggs.” the dogs voice got mixed with chewing and eating noises, and Evin was surprised that she didn’t choke on it by accident.

“Vell zat’s vat you get from a two day vacation, an unlucky surprise.”

Ervin began to shift his concentration on the sound of the first cold then warm water that soaked his fur, for a short time there was a relief, but that soon got overtaken by random thoughts of stuff he had to learn from law school, property law or what happens if a person goes missing and so one.

The grey striped cat was about to scream, school, aka university got so bad sometimes that he bought himself a package of sleeping pills and took already from time to time one.

On the one side S, her roommate and their friends bothered him, on the other hand the diversion probably saved his mind from succumbing to madness so he was kind of thankful for S, who was the first he met. Whilst she was on her shift, apparently S had the unlucky destiny to work late and Ervin had the unlucky destiny that most of his courses where late, meaning the time he bought himself some nutritions, may it be sometimes a whole menu or a simple lemonade where always when S was on the cash register. Apparently even an honour roll student like S had to pay bills, something Ervin was not aware of when he met the girl first.

Turning off the water tab he stepped out the shower and immediately began to dry himself with a towel and then his old but trustworthy fur dryer.

Out of the bathroom with a towel slightly above the waistline he noticed how S was about to eat the last remainder that there even was a burger, the lettuce leave.

“You know if you vould have moved to me instead of this ramshackle hut vee probably vould already have had a new fridge, premium efen.”

“Of kitty cat of course, and every time I can listen about how awful that last course was and the judge and the persecutor you read about didn’t knew anything about their job eh?”

“That really hurt you know” the voice playfully a bit down and spoken on purpose with his broken English.

Even if Ervin saw Snow sometimes annoying that would go on his nerves, and S saw the cat as a stuffed shirt that never knew when not to have the last word. They both had still one thing in common and that was not only being a Scorpio from their star sign, no, it was teasing and taunting the other until the very end. But booth did that with knowing the others metes and bounds and when to stop.

“You know, Adolpho IS really nice, I don’t know why you two have such a fuzz over each other.”

Walking into his bedroom he decided to wear something comfy, casual jeans, and a hoodie would do today, better than a shirt the cat thought. Of course Ervin wore also his trusty blue white striped trainers

“Hmm I don’t know maybe it’s oh I mean, him alvays saying how much vork he has to do I mean visouth question he has vork to do, but like, he’s not the only one. And zen his constantly bragging about the stuff he IS doing.”

“That reminds me of someone I and you know.”

“Oh please I’m completely different.”

“Uhhuh.” The cat didn’t have to look at the white dog, he knew her eyes where rolling, probably staring also in his souls at the same time given the cold he felt suddenly in his spine.

“Case closet, where do you vant to go anyvay?”

<...>

It was the announcement of the bus driver that woke me up, end of the line, looking out of the window It gave me a shudder, this whole place whenever I was only near from it, it gave me the chills, but I’ve already decided to be here so. I step out as soon as I can, taking the backdoors of the bus naturally, I’m not really excited to explain myself if the driver asks for a ticket I don’t have.

Those woods, the starting point of a never ending spiral of tiredness, depression and being someone who knows nothing at all, it’s like a noisy TV only showing static in my head once I begin to stroll into the woods, the leaves are green, autumn still a bit away.

Whenever I’m here, out in the forest, I don’t wander off random, no, I only search for this one place, that one building that always haunts me, it was a factory. Did it produce cement, textiles or motor parts, don’t know, don’t care, at least not anymore. The closer I come the more tired I feel, I’ve slept quite much in my, apartment that became more a personal purgatory to me than a safe heaven and in the bus I must've slept around 45 minutes, given that it’s the time from my apartment to this end station.

It-

Hm-

And there she is.

Her presence, even if I’m not looking at her direction, I can feel, she is here.

I think it’s a she, or is she an it and it a she? I don’t know, all I see is white, and black and the eyes, of course the eyes that do not exist.

Whatever it is which I don’t know, it follows me, from all the maths I did, I think “she” is an hallucination, happening of all the stuff I took.

Ohoho and I took plenty, looking at my arms prove that, they are full, full of sometimes big, sometimes small injection sites, some deeper and some not so deep cuts, bruises, scratches, fur that's burnt or about to fall out and of course patches, Iconic, that for such a miserable being that I am, it’s those bandages for children that I have all over my arms and especially the fingers, the only colourful thing on this murderer that I am.

And she, she watches me, sometimes close, sometimes far, in the mirror, in the glass, behind a three in my TV. Do I still own that? Didn’t I gave that former birthday present to a pawn shop for some quick bucks for some quicker wasted heroin?

Gray, once again, static in my head. I don’t know what she’s trying to tell me with her constant watching, heck, I don’t even know what my own brain wants to tell me most of the time. Once it wants this than that but most of the time it wants pills, drugs and liquor oh and tobacco.

Most of the time I ignore this white being that follows me with its hull dark and empty sockets with a small hint of red in it, at least that’s what I see there from time to time in the hollow orbs.

My throat begins to scratch and I let out a heavy cough, lately with the increase of my daily consume of certain substances it has gotten worse, but it’s a curse I have to life with, of course I could go and seek help, but why should I? I was the one who already destroyed one innocent life on this world, so why not another? Why not myself so I can make sure ‘it’ won’t happen again, the murderer that murders himself, quite poetic isn’t it?

The more I come closer to the building, the more it aches me. On one side my body rejects what I give it, on the other it seeks, it demands the chemicals, the pills, tobacco and alcohol I put into myself, sometimes even so much, that I do not care for others, It’s not uncommon that I have to search for a new dealer after an “episode” of mine.

As good as I can, this old cat ignores this white, being, this ghost or illusion or hallucination or perhaps better this sickness of lost guilt that is haunting me for whatever reason, the pictures and memories are unclear about everything. I only know I did something, my mind rejects the clear pictures, only sometimes I see it but can’t make the dots, then I forget it was even there.

When I see her, well, sometimes I greet her, or I try to talk, but she’s mute, I can’t her a thing if she tries to communicate with me or something, and then her stare.

Yes those haunting black hollow sockets of infinite darkness that watch me with judgement of the sins I’m guilty as charged for, but I’m innocent, they made me innocent but I’m guilty, I’m for something guilty I don’t know I’m guilty for a crime I have forgotten, the murderer with drug forced amnesia, what a joke I am.

I reach the building, finally, it felt like aeons to be able to step into it, there is one thing about this old pile that we have in common, we are ruined and about to fall apart, we just don’t know the exact time nor date when it comes against us. When nature reclaims what we took from her.

Since when this building has been crafted, used and then abandoned, I cannot say, but its designed purpose it has long exceeded. I’m not the only lost one who apparently wanders here around from time to time, even if it’s not my most favourite spot.

Syringes, old tablet splitters, bottles and cans of alcoholic beverages are only a few of the messes that have been left around, someone even had the determination to bring a mattress here into the second floor of this factory building.

Which is not the reason why I’m going up there, no by far not, more because whilst I actually am not a friend of this place I’ve hidden quite a stash here. Some drugs to swallow together with the sleeping pills and painkillers should do a good trip.

Letting out a hoarse chuckle I continue my walking, there are graffiti over graffiti everywhere in this building, black, blue, red, neon green it’s a play of colours drawn on a falling depressed canvas, a wall that once it breaks down takes the art with it. I don’t care for their meaning, I can’t even take care of myself, I don’t know anything about me anymore, sometimes I’m asking myself if the knowledge I have about myself are real or something I’ve dreamt, I do know who I was, but do I really? Since that day, that marks the anniversary today where everything was gone and broke down...who can I trust if not even myself?

When the medicine, my medicine by my orders not by a doctor are helping me, it lets me see the world like how I want to take it, not cold, grey, careless and depressed but artificial warm, a place of colours I haven’t seen for quite a time now, it lets me see the truth. The only colour I really care for is from those bandages for children, I don’t know why, but they are like one of the only things that are being in order in this broken, corrupted mind that’s engulfed in numbness.

After the last step on the crumbling concrete stairs being made I take my time to breath and look around on the second floor, there is a small balcony there, I can only guess it got probably used more for smoke breaks than to look at the view, looking down you would see a still semi intact inner yard with a concrete floor that got a bit torn open by mother nature. The metallic handrails are trough and trough overtaken and or eaten away by the rust.

I’m tempted to go out there, looking at the sky and just, let my thoughts going around but, heh, I really need to find that stash of mine and secondly she’s out there too...at least that’s what I think, I do wonder, who she was that she is tormenting me like that.

Hiding stuff was never really something I was good at but, no one would really suspect a stash of my special tablet shaped drugs hidden under an old typewriter, to my luck they stayed dry and there is no mouldiness on them either. I shouldn’t, I really shouldn’t I became what I wanted to defend, but I need it, to get myself together, if only for a moment, to see the unseen that I want to see but at the same time not, my mind is scrambled like an egg and as fried as a potato. Normally you take those alone, but I don’t mind mixing them up with a bunch of painkillers and sleeping pills. It’s going to be a pretty strong cocktail I’m taking here, leaving me an extra sour and bitter taste in the mouth since I had the “grandiose” idea not to take a bottle of water with me, or at least a juice box.

I think, I think this is even the strongest yet I took, needless to say I’m excited but at the same time ignorant of what will come. My hands are shacking and I begin to scratch myself again like I did so often before on this place, I’m worried about this but the best is now, to remain calm and to rest a bit before my prime time begins. I see her now outside of the room she is watching me, watching me all the time with those dark hollow eyes. The eyes, it’s the last I see before my body puts itself to rest, for now.

<...>

“And the vorst of all of zhis is that- what is this place anyway S?”

“Uhm, I think it was an ammunition factory that closed down after WWII, but it also could also have been a soap manufacture, don’t know, don’t really care either.” looking at him with her tongue stretched out Ervin let out a sigh in the white furred dogs direction.

“Wunderbar, so vhen I step on a landmine I can-”

“Ervin, what did you say before, you wanted to tell me more about Germany.”

“Did I? Na wo war ich-… yes, I vanted to say that vee can’t even visit my relatives in the GDR any more because of my mothers paranoia.”

“Why, is she scared of the east? Scared that they will fire a nuke at her home?”

“Well given zat her uncle got shot near the vall and due of my fathers position she’s afraid that zee Stasi would let us in, pack us up and vee vould never see the daylight again.”

“Oh...and what does your father say about that?”

“Eh, he’s too busy to argue vith her, as a prosecutor he’s most of the time in his ehm...place where he works, you know vhere they are also holding trials, it’s called “Gericht” in German, damn I chould know this!”

“You mean a court?”

“That’s the vord! Most of zee time he has cases vith people that don’t pay their traffic tickets, how boring!”

But to all honestly, the striped cat felt the same right now, he wasn’t bored about being in the woods and near the old factory, no that was quite, interesting, but all the studying and learning was boring, perhaps he should’ve studied something different. But then there was that other thought about how he wanted to help the people with drug addictions when they faced judgement and trials. Since that day he saw those teenagers, sometimes a bit younger that himself there at the railway station in “Berlin Zoologischer Garten” But of course that meant he had to learn, what he did and tried as good as he can, he learned and learned and learned and-

“Say from where are you anyway, I mean yes West-Germany but where exactly from?”

“Huh, wa- uh from Saarland, the youngest state in West-Germany, then we, moved to Berlin. Honestly I’m glad vee didn’t got to be part of zee French-”

Reaching the old factory, Ervin made an abrupt stop of what he wanted to say, despite being in the woods and despite it already corroding and slowly taken over by wildlife and plants it was still a very impressive building.

“Many junkies or homeless are there but only at night, I never encountered anyone here, only saw the syringes and some stuff there together with a mattress on the second floor.”

Stepping inside the shadowy building with graffiti on the walls there was only one question for the law student.

“How come zat an honour student chooses this as her sanctuary instead of a library?”

Touching one of the said walls that was marked with the all to well known sentence “F*ck the police” and an Anarchy symbol together with a sign of peace the white dog turned around and the black but very much full of live looking eyes met the striped cat ember ones.

“Because it’s full of art!”

Spinning around with her arms spread the cat examined the room they stood in before letting out a sigh.

“And drugs and dirt and rats probably...”

Like as if he was given her a wrong answer to a question to a teacher that was never asked in the first place, her eyes went from happy and hopeful, how she looked most of the time and how Ervin knew her, to a not angry or disappointed but rather annoyed with a hint of sadness.

“Did I-”

“Why are you so mopey?!”

She did not scream at him at all, but the slight raise in her tone made Ervins mostly tired eyes went wide and he stared at her for a few seconds, processing the question she just asked him loud and clearly. Of course he knew the answer and he wanted to tell her, but he was tired, so god forsaken tired. As if he was having a headache, which slowly came to be he touched his forehead before exhaling a bit of air.

“You said on the second floor vas a mattress, lets go, I’ll tell you zere.”

S showed him the way by taking the stairs first, and whilst she did it with ease for him it felt like a trial as if every step was two metres high. Talking about here and there was easy, but talking about himself and his troubles beside the stress he gets trough learning, nearly impossible but here he was.

The mattress wasn’t, like he expected in best shape and full of unknown stains, but since it didn’t smell like piss or other extreme fluids he didn’t mind sitting on it.

“Why are you always so, so tired and grumpy and stuff Ervin? Is it me?”

“No, no,...So, you vant to know why I’m so mopey since like for veeks.”

She nodded

“And I don’t think any kind of deal makes you forget that question?”

She shook her head.

“Ok, ok that’s bad but fine, you know, zat super hard exam I had, that vas really important for zis semester?”

“Yes I remember, you locked yourself into your flat for nearly two weeks if not more and everyone thought you died so we called the landlord.”

“Heh-” the striped cat got more silent “-...I-I bombed it.”

“Oh”

“I mean the professor is giving me anozer chance, others failed too, but zat is the day after tomorrow, a-and I know I learned for it hard like the last time and I know I should know the answers, but If I don’t, o-or if he asks different questions. I-I don’t want to redo this semester, I’ve already planned everything for summer because of that part-time job zat I do f-for six veeks.”

Burying his face into his own hands the cat let out a painful sigh, he was done, done with everything and of course he had to open up about it.

“And I know you vant me to be on that party on the very same day, I know socializing vould be good for me and that you mean it well but, I can’t, I vant to but I can’t, even once I have done that retry, I’m a broken mess and probably...zum Aufstreichen and what if I have to re-do the semester and my parents have to pay more than intended? I don’t know vhat to do S, I’m sorry for being such a mess...of a friend.”

For a moment, it wasn’t probably long but for him it felt like eternity before he felt a slight pressure on the left shoulder.

“As if it’s the only party in this month, so what once you pass it you’ll be on the next.”

“I promised it to you, I promised to be there before you and start socializing.”

“So what, since when is it forbidden to postpone a promise? What counts is that you’re holding it the next time. Do that exam and write an A plus, plus and double plus.”

Once the cat swiped away with one of his sleeves what he refused to call tears he looked at Snow who looked at him with her friendly smile that even could burn a hole in the hearth of the coldest person living on earth.

“I promise, I’ll be zere, tell me date and time and I’ll be zere for you on that party, talking and laughing with at least ten people and one of those red cups in my hand.”

“There you are, I mean you don’t have to overdue it but don’t forget that a promise is a promise.” she playfully wagged with her index finger in union with her tail.

“I’ll be there waiting for you, a promise is a promise.” and spoke it out to his own surprise, without a hint of accent.

<...>

There was no other party, neither with her nor him and that day, it was the last time he saw her.

The fingers shook, the cat was trembling like as if on such a warm day in June it had minus fifteen Celsius. On the one side it was the strong mix of drugs and medicine that brought him into this state, on the other, it was his mind, he saw it all, once again what he tried so often to repress with drugs. He saw what he wanted to forget, he saw it all again and again. For a moment he still laid there in his fetal position sweating from all pores, his eyes fast going from left to right , right to left and bloodshot.

When he woke up, that next day, that one after the party, one year ago it must have been, she was gone, he called and called but she, no S, Snow, she did not answer and then, yes then It must have been only a day or earlier, there she was, found, stabbed as if she was Julius Caesar, and her eyes removed like some sort of ritual murder. The culprit never found and brought to justice of course. And whoever the being was that did it to her, it had to be a being made out of pure sadistic intention, so bad her body looked, found in hers and Alphs home.

Weakly he gets up but not without holding on the wall where all of the paint was already faded away. He needed air, just a bit of fresh air, that was all that Ervin thought he needed right now.

Ervin himself was aware that due of his sometimes strange acting people might have assumed that he was the culprit of this perverse crime, so he wasn’t surprised when her former roommate had his suspicion against him. Alph, oh he didn’t took it easy either, he nor Ervin. But with time and countless interrogations it became clear that the striped cat was innocent and so was Alph.

It was a tragedy of invaluable measures and whilst everyone who knew her where mourning over their lost friend, there was also the relieve, that not Ervin or Alph was responsible that S was never seen alive again and what they all had to accept once the time passed, that she was gone, the beautiful smile the honour roll student had, forever erased from existence.

Everyone began, even slowly and painfully to move on, everyone except the cat, he wasn’t there, he should've gone with her, protected her to make sure this wouldn’t have happen, but he didn’t, he did his exam bravo then slept deep and tight trough the abduction of the person who the feline called good friend. He learned and learned and learned for a position that never was his to begin with and as a reward it took someone very close from him. And for that he screamed, cried and let his emotion take over the rational, until it was over and he a broken mess beyond repair.

Alph and the others talked with each other, got their help as a group they needed but Ervin, he began to become what he never wanted to be, once again he was a shut-in but with cigarettes, then alcohol followed by pills and weed and then the harder stuff, he isolated himself, he wasn’t guilty, in the eyes of the law or Snows friends there he was innocent, but in his own eyes, he might have had lost his guilt, but it was still there, eating him from the inside until nothing would’ve been left, but now here he was looking in shock and quite disgusted when he looked at the injection sides he did to himself and the barely and or poorly covered scratches that came with the stuff he took.

The messed up cat ran in his paranoia, his head and throat ached. Like a fountain of bad emotions his head was filled damping his other thoughts and senses making him feel as if he was about to suffocate.

Once again he saw this apparition of her, this illusion, dream, thought, drug inflicted piece of memory, ghost or demon, he wasn’t sure what it was but whatever it might have been that resembled like a death black holes instead of eyes having Snow he just ran past her to the old run-down concrete balcony with the rusty handrail that got enlightened by a slowly orange for this day vanishing sun announcing the night that was soon to come.

Anyone would’ve now expected tiredness or a silent standing man but the only witnesses, the birds around the facility, the bugs floating around in the mild summer warmth or the other animals that decided to step near the building got engulfed in a scream, mixed with sadness, pain, shock, anger, confusion, disillusion and regained memories followed by a violent, strong and careless shaking of the rusty iron where a guilt ridden Ervin cut his hands slightly due of the poorly aged metal that engulfed his as poor exposed skin.

It did barely anything to fight back against the former law student defenceless it took his shaking and later kicking before it came to a sudden end. His whole body felt unstable, he sweated, the drugs that got stretched by their creators with bleach and washing agent to use less of the actual stuff did their job together with a mind as fragile as crystal glass, the mind wanted to cry, but the rest of the body was too reluctant or too tired to fulfil this needed request. Still standing the cat turned its bag from the innocently bashed handrail and leaned on it, taking medium deep breaths of air in and out, in and out again and again.

When this thing, this creation of insanity and desperation that tried to resemble Snow, the dog he had known and seen alive one year ago approached him it happened slowly, and he, Ervin, he just watched. The long black hair, the white fur, once she looked normal. Then from one second to another a mangled, tortured, messed up, injured, probably raped and half skinned creature with sockets that lost their organs of visions who now where dark black infinite deep orbs with white dots approached him, naked of course with de furred breasts, exactly how the body was found in her own home, only a few knew it, only a few was told what was done to her in only a few hours of full torture.

But Ervin did by all logic not move and inch, he stayed there pressing his back with all his anger and sadness against the rusty metal and waited, if this apparition wanted his demise, he would not run away, or ignore it once again like he did so often, what good would if do to not face his own fears or the reality that was cruel but truthful he knew the facts and she did too, if he would’ve been there on this faithful day which was able to ruin his past, present and future, everything would be normal, and by all chances better. But it was not, and here he was, waiting for judgement, and it never came.

The being that resembled the canine he once knew just stood there in silence, and every time he blinked it felt as if her appearance would change, but always with a monotone expression that told him nothing of this being. To say that his eyelids and libs together with the fingers trembled and shook as if it was the coldest winter since 37 years was an understatement, but here he was the words he tried to form turning out to be pure gibberish. It took him a minute and around forty-five seconds until he was able to form the sentence he searched for.

“I-Im sorry S, I’m sorry, for m-” and in that second, before finishing the slowly, raspy and weakly spoken out sentence something gave up.

It was not the appearance that encountered him here on the old balcony

It was not his own brain cells who for god knows how long where finally able to make a clear sentence.

No, it was the atoms, the molecules of the metal that was exposed to water and air that with over forty years without any maintenance broke apart, and thus the handrail fell down together with the leaning cat.

In the short time frame between falling from the balcony that was set on the quite high second floor of the building and reaching the concrete floor that awaited patiently his blackhead to hit and crush on it. Time was nearly to not present, everything was slower than any slow motion effect in any film he had ever seen.

And just in this unfortunate moment and event in his live where he watched in pure shock above, where it, the dog ghost that resembled S looked down from the balcony to him falling, the cocktails of different pills and drugs kicked in.

The first thing he noticed that changed his view of reality in this bittersweet time was that the sky took another turn, it looked a bit like cotton, mixed with some new modern lemonade that looked as if a leprechaun barfed into it, the stars that during this time shouldn’t by all accounts not viewable flashed like small disco lights and turned around left and right making the whole sky appear like one gigantic kaleidoscope that once in a while got moved. It was fascinating but not the only part of his self inflicted trip that dulled and hulled the unpreventable truth of his demise.

When without any intention too look away from the sky his head moved a bit he was able to have a closer glimpse to the concrete ground that suddenly filled his ears with the sound of stones breaking apart. As if time was moving thousands of times faster, which only counted for the ground the concrete got big cracks and grass sprouted out of the ground that began to touch and hugged him like a soft cloud or down blanket, next to the grass flowers appeared and more and more of the building began to disappear and be replaced with flora. Like as if the accomplishments of his kind meant nothing to anyone and were taken over, no, rather reclaimed by mother nature itself.

There was no sound when he fell into the grass no cracking bones or nerves that got cut or crushed, no organs pressed against his bones and no breath that left his body. Looking around he noticed how around his head formed a lake of a fluid that was as shiny and colourful as a rainbow and with a slight touch on his nose, he noticed how the same fluid ran out of his nose, ears and a bit out of his mouth too. He was, despite being caught in a trip, very well aware what actually was happening and what this liquid actually was, but he wouldn’t and most especially couldn’t care less what happened. He felt numb, none of his limps wanted to work any more, they where tired, so tired and only wanted to rest, a long deserved rest that they requested after one hard year of torture and pain created by their own nerves, mind and decisions.

He wasn’t sure what it was, but it felt like some kind of “numb darkness” that whilst for now was only a weak presence felt as if it was going to grow stronger with time, but it was not the only presence near him.

S, the real one, at least if felt like the real honour student looked down to his face one he hasn’t seen what felt like centuries, it was not the emotionless face that sometimes he even interpreted as angry, it looked as if it had non ill meaning to him quite sad actually, perhaps feeling a bit of pity of his continuing demise. Stuttering a bit, but not like the last time he was able to form a whole sentence within seconds.

“H-hey do not cry Snow, it’s b-better like this, imagine me to die in a ditch in zee cold and dark heh.” as much as he did not want to but the smile he put up for some seconds was lost.

“There is only one regret I have S, zat I lost my guilt, no one blames me, I’m innocent by law but I’m guilty, I did zis, If I chould’ve been there, it’s zere zis lost guilt that consumed and fed on my, it chouldn’t be there, but here it still was and it still is. I-I understand if you can’t forgive me Snow, I vouldn’t either. I-”

His vocal chords suddenly stopped, but it was neither due of his blood loss nor the damaged brain or nerves, perhaps it was the drugs, perhaps the cracked mind he did not know nor could he care, but maybe it was really her who spoke to him, he did not know. Her voice, it felt like hers, but more soft and serious how it told him that there was no guilt to begin with, how she can not forgive him since there is nothing to be forgiven, that it is not his fault that it came to this, that it was not him who murdered her that it was her who felt sorry for him and that it was him, who should not be in such a position.

Ervin was speechless, and not only due of the increasing numb darkness that engulfed him more and more, it was rather more of the dam in his mind that finally breached and allowed him to cry, like the colourful liquid his tears ran down like a new formed river in a terrain.

“T-tha-ank you.”

The numb darkness had nearly covered his whole vision by now, but Ervin was still able to see the white furred dogs face and how he slowly spoke those two words with his cold feeling lips

“S, Snow-”

Looking up to him, face to face to his friend, he wasn’t sure if this happened really or a trick in his decaying mind but it felt very real in those merely seconds he had.

“-wherever I land, wherever the road takes me, wherever I go, I’ll be there waiting for you , a promise is a p-promise...S.”

Those last words, as if they had a function of some higher realm coated him completely into this numb darkness, both his mind and body, but for once, since many months, since many days and nights and since the many hours, minutes and seconds of this one year he had been trough, he was able to feel a naturally warmth.

<...>

On this evening in June 1987 many things happened

On this evening in June 1987 fireflies flew around in the grass and woods to be caught by young and old.

On this evening in June 1987 sundrops and primroses began to open to show their beautiful pedals

On this evening in June 1987 crickets tuned their music together with croaking frogs in union

On this evening in June 1987, Ervin Niedmüller died with his guilt being lost.

~~~~~~

Tagging again: @stedilnik

With friendly greetings

The Bowlerhatwearer

#Story #Story written by me #Fanfiction #fanfic #TW:Death #TW:Drug Abuse #TW:Blood #stedilnik #Bowlerhatwearer #Ghost Pupper #One Shot #OS #Writing #Dark Theme

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infinitywarxyou · 6 years ago

Text

Awkward encounters - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 1183

Warnings: None

Summary: For weeks, Bucky’s had his eyes on the beautiful girl at his coffee place, but never dared to interact with her...

Masterlist

Bucky stood pressed against the concrete wall and stared down at his watch.

08:58:34

08:58:35

08:58:36

It was a normal Wednesday morning and the streets were just as crowded as any other day. People were on their way to their jobs, cars were honking and sounds of sirens were heard from the distance. Yes, it was a busy morning in New York City. Bucky, however, stood absolutely still, hardly acknowledging the pressured atmosphere.

08:58:57

In a minute and three seconds he would turn around the corner of the coffee shop and get in line to get his usual cup of extra bitter coffee. At 9:00:00 AM. That’s what he did every day. Why?

Because that’s when the beautiful girl with the boots always showed up.

It wasn’t like he was obsessed. No, it was more of a romantic gesture. A romance that she had no idea existed.

Until today. Today Bucky would face her.

08:59:48

His hand started to sweat and he felt the blood in his veins run faster. What should he say to her? How should he say it? What if she thinks he’s a creep? What if—

09:00:00

The beeping sound of the alarm on his phone got him out of the trans. He quickly turned it off and took a few deep breaths. This was is. On the other side of the corner was the girl. Gosh. Bucky ran his hand through the brown locks, that was hanging down his already shiny frorehead, and took a step closer to the concrete wall’s end.

The clock was barely 09:00:13 when Bucky walked around the edge of the building and was just about to go inside the cafe. His eyes flickered around him, both behind him and to the sides, but the girl was not to be seen. He sighed deeply and pulled at the sleeves of his shirt.

Suddenly he heard the familiar bell, signalling that someone entered the cafe. Bucky didn’t have to turn around to know it was her. He knew it was. He could smell the sweet perfume she always wore. The strong scent of vanilla.

He ran his palms down his wrinkly shirt and clenched his jaw. He was nervous. The big bad winter soldier was nervous to talk to a pretty girl. How pathetic. 75 years ago he would've walked right up to her and introduced himself as Sergeant James Barnes, regiment 107th.

He wasn't the same. How could he be?

Bucky sighed deeply and stood up straight to count the people in front of him. One, two. He still had time, not a lot, but maybe enough to find out her name and number. Or just enough time to simply turn around and smile.

Only a second later, the woman first in line walked away with the plastic mug in her hand and Bucky mumbled a line of curse words. He had no idea how to approach her. Why was it so difficult for him? Only last weekend he had been Sam Wilson's wingman and he ended up getting it on. Why couldn't he be his own wingman?

He began pulling on the left sleeve of his jacket as he watched the man a few feet away pay for his coffee and was soon to be leaving, resulting in Bucky being first in line.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

Yes it was. It was a horrible, horrib---

"Hi, may I take your order?"

Bucky stood completely still with an open mouth. For a few seconds he forgot about the coffee he was supposed to order. The cashier looked at him with a puzzled expression before raising an eyebrow.

"I-I..."

"Yes?"

"An Americano, extra strong." Bucky said as quickly as he possibly could and immediately stared at his feet in embarrassment. Fuck, why did he have to be so awkward?

"That'll be 4.55$." The cashier said and gave him a polite smile before turning around to prepare the coffee. Bucky dug in his pocket for the money and forcefully placed them on the counter in front of him with his human hand.

As he waited for the coffee, Bucky's throughts went back to the girl with the boots standing right behind him. This was his chance. If he could just face her and say "Hi, I'm James. Nice to meet you".

But he couldn't.

"Just turn the fuck around." Bucky growled to himself and clenched his jaw. His mind was rotating, but his body was frozen. It was like parts of the nervous system had collapsed. His body wasn't answering to the signals the brain sent. Bucky felt small drops of sweat appear on his forehead and he began panicing. He needed air. Now.

"Here's your---"

"THANK YOU."

Bucky didn't waste a second and turned around with such force he accidentally bumped into the person standing behind him in line. The person fell to the floor with a dark stain of coffee on the chest. Bucky's eyes widened as he watched HER lay on the ground, covered in the mess that He caused.

"Fuck! I'm so, so sorry!" Bucky expressed, bent down and reached out an hand to help her stand up. The girl looked at him with a shocked expression before hesitatnly placing her small hand in his. It was so soft. Bucky placed his other hand on her elbow and pulled her off of the dirty floor.

"Don't worry. It's fine, really..."

"No it's not! Crap! Shit! Fuck!"

"Hey, don't worry! It's just a stain and a bruise on the butt. Nothing to worry about." The girl said and gave him a reassuring smile. Bucky stopped for a moment to look at her. The morning sun reflected her eyes and calmed him down. Bucky soon realised that he was actually having a conversation with her and straightened his back.

"I-I'm sorry. Let me buy you a coffee or whatever you planned to order. Please, I owe you one." He said calmly.

"Oh no! It was an accident."

"I insist." And suddenly the old Bucky started to creep out the shadows, the old 40's gentleman was back in business. The girl’s eyes flickered between Bucky's ocean blue once before shrugging.

"F-fine, I'll have an ice latte with almond milk."

With a confident smirk Bucky turned around to the cashier. He leaned forward over the counter and glanced at the girl before ordering another round of coffee.

"I'll have an extra strong Americano and an ice latte with almond milk for the lady."

"Coming right up. That'll be 9.25$." As the barista turned around to get started with the drinks, Bucky placed 10$ on the counter and turned back to the pretty girl. She was already looking at him with Y/EC eyes. Gosh, she was gorgeous.

"Now that I paid for your drink you owe me a name to that beautiful face." Bucky said and tilted his head to the side, low key scanning her features. She let out a quiet giggle and Bucky noticed how small shadows of red appeared on the apple of her cheeks.

"It's Y/N."

"Y/N. My name is Bucky."

#avengers #avengers x reader #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #infinity war #winter soldier #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier imagine

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yaachtynoboat711 · 6 years ago

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At First Glance: Ch.1 ✨💃🏽

A/N: Get ready to learn about the journey out favorite couple has gone on before the Gala! I struggled with this chapter all week. Thank you, @great-neckpectations and the group chat for helping me get out of my block. Love y’all 😭.

Pairing: Winston Duke x Black Plus-Sized! OC

Word Count: ~2.8K

Warnings: language, fluff, Yaa won’t let that petty go 😭

The annual Black Yale Alumni Association Benefit Ball was in full effect.Every year, the BYAA hosted this event to raise funds for their scholarship fund to help Black undergrad and grad students. This was the most anticipated event for Black Yale of the year for both alumni as well as current students. With the event always falling around Halloween, the Ball was a costume party and had a different theme. This year’s theme was “Music’s Icons”.

Even though she had just graduated Yale Law School in the spring and was slated for graduating with her Ph.D. in the December, Khalida Abdullah was NOT missing her first Black Alumni function. Since Yaa had been at Yale, she’d been one of the best-dressed people at the ball. She was always slaying the theme, no matter how vague or specific the theme or the guideline’s would be. It’d helped to have an interest in historical fashion and a sister in the fashion industry. The process for that one night was a strenuous process that lasted for months, with most time being spent in researching ( Yaa’s undergraduate was after all in History, so research came naturally to her in all facets of life). When the theme was announced in late June, Yaa knew she was going as Selena.

The easiest part of Yaa’s decision was picking which musical legend she was going to be for Ball; the hardest part would be which iconic outfit to choose from. Anything Selena put on her body would be replicated by fans and stans for the next 20+ years after her unnecessary death. Either you slayed Selena’s fit or it slayed you; most would fall victim to the latter. Yaa decided on Selena’s outfit from her last concert. It was definitely one of her most iconic and most difficult outfits to pull off. Months of preparation continued until an email was sent regarding the ball. This year’s Best-Dressed would not be granted so easily.

October 26, 2013.8:49 pm, Yaa’s AirBnB.

It was finally time for the turn up. Everything was laid out: the earrings, the custom wig adorned with Selena’s signature bangs, the makeup, even a replica of her lipstick-adorned microphone (Yaa practiced her routine while wearing red lipstick for the effect) were ready for Yaa. Yaa was precise with every detail of the ensemble. In the midst of all the preparation, Yaa’s best friend Tanisha, offered her nervous friend some comedic relief. “

“DAAAAAAAAAAAMN, K.D.! The way you looking and the way this tight ass suit is fitting on ya, you gon’ fuck around and hook a nigga!”

“What are you talking about, Neesh? You always say I’m getting wife’d up at any function I go to. The hell they lookin’ for? I’ve come to this every year since I’ve been in New Haven and nothing. Well, besides being with Quin, but that’s the same as saying nothing. Only reason I’m going is to take pictures, socialize, and say ‘thank you’ to the board and other people for helping me make it through Yale...that’s it. Ain’t no husbands coming this year!” Yaa yelled from the bathroom as she was finishing up her makeup and making her way back into her room. She watched Neesh as she transformed into Donna Summers.

“Do you even wanna get me started?” Neesh inquired as she helped her best friend put on her silver bootie heels, “ Sis, at 22, you were the VALEDICTORIAN of 2013’s Yale Law School class. It was like damn near 700 folks in that hoe and you was the smartest bitch in that bitch, not to mention the fact that you still gotta whole Ph.D. coming in December. You the shit and I just hate that you don’t relish in that. It’s a nigga right now gettin’ ready as we fucking speak going into this function totally oblivious to the fact that a thick ass angel in a tight ass purple sparkly catsuit and a damn wig is finna ‘Bidi Bidi Bom Bom’ her way into his simple ass life. Give it a chance, I know you a young genius but live a little,bitch. He’s gonna be there.”

Yaa chuckled in confusion, “Neesh you dumb as hell for that. Also, you sound pretty confident that he, whoever he is, is going to be there. Please God don’t tell me you’ve played matchmaker again. Bitch I swear to God I’m slappin’ the shit outta you and that’s on muvas.”

“I’m sorry,sis, but I couldn’t let this one pass. He’s the sweetest and most down to earth guy ever. He just graduated with his Master’s in acting in the spring.” Neesh replied.

“Where?”

“Yale.”

Yaa’s reluctant spirit began to soften. “How did I miss him? Is he Black?”

“Bitch, I oughta choke you. Of course he is! Now I must warn you, he, too, just got out of a relationship and he’s never been with a Black woman before.”

Yaa side-eyed Neesh. She knew deep in her heart that Neesh was trying to help. While she appreciated the notion, Yaa was very reluctant to throw herself back into the dating market after her break-up three months ago. “Ok, but please know that you’re still on indefinite suspension from the position of matchmaker.”

The last time Neesh played matchmaker, Yaa’s ex, Quincy ended up being bout crazy as hell. He was very charming, yet manipulative. Yaa was many things, but being to put up with Quincy’s shit wasn’t among them.

At this point, Neesh was begging: “I promise you, K, this one is so much different from Quincy. I’ve been observing him since we started the program. He’s amazing; if I wasn’t such an amazing friend and he hadn’t been in a relationship, I woulda kept him for myself. But I decided not to and we wouldn’t have worked. I know I fucked up but please give this guy a chance.”

When Yaa met Neesh , Neesh was in her final year in Yale’s Theatre program. Neesh was a graduate assistant and the creative genius behind every Yale production. She mastered everything: makeup, costuming, wigs, lighting, you name it. However, she loved costuming and makeup. The two met at an Alpha party the semester Yaa arrived to Yale. Being that they were both SGRho’s and had much in common ,the pair had basically been inseparable since their first conversation. Since graduating, Neesh moved to New York where she became the Creative Director for an off-Broadway theatre company.

Yaa felt sorry for her friend pleading the way she was. Yaa wanted to be stubborn but something was telling her to meet this mystery guy. She finally broke her contemplative silence: “What’s his name,sis?” Neesh was radiating with joy. “His name is Winston. Winston Duke.”

Yaa’s eyebrows went up in curiosity. “Hell kinda name is Winston?” Yaa asked as her head fell back in laughter. Yaa was now wondering what this Winston character looked like. He clearly had to be attractive, or else Neesh wouldn’t have given him a second thought. This was definitely a move of redemption. As the two friends took pictures, Yaa began to get excited about meeting that Winston fellow? Was he tall? Was he Greek? She’d figure out at the ball.

10:54 p.m., The BYAA Ball

The function was going up by the time Neesh and Yaa arrived; that was the plan all along. The vibrations of the loud music pulsated against the walls and floors of the venue. Waves of excellence and Black splendor filled the room.The pink and purple lights juxtaposed the white curtains and couches throughout the club in which gave the space an inviting and jovial energy.

The DJ was blasting that good shit and everyone was going up.

All eyes were on the pair; Donna and Selena were in this bitch and everyone took notice. They took pictures at the photo booth and went their separate ways to socialize with their separate circles. Yaa was the belle of the ball; the moment she walked into the room, Winston saw her and let her and her tight ass purple ass catsuit Bidi Bidi Bom Bom her way into his heart. He watched as she basically floated across the room,socializing with everyone that knew her. Then she smiled. Winston was slightly turned on by the warmth and calming beauty in this Cinderella girl’s candy apple red-colored trillion dollar smile and angelic glow of her caramel hue.

“Wow”, he thought to himself, “She’s a vision of beauty...is that—is that a dimple? GAH!!! It’s just one? My God, she’s perfection. She’s so fuc—GET IT TOGETHER, DUDE!” If there were a control center operating his brain right now, they’d be in overdriven crisis mode. Never had Winston ever felt butterflies for anything other than maybe an audition, but here he was, falling madly in love with a girl that just walked into room. Then she turned around—my God. Winston just about died. Winston wasn’t a guy that obsessed over body features on a woman, but trust Khalida Abdullah’s ass was too much for him.

“Well,I’ll be damned; this tree ass nigga here fine as hell! If he keep looking at me like I’m a jug of water, he gon’ have to buy me dinner. Mmm! Chocolate ass. ” Yaa mentally stated.

The man in question was a rather tall individual. He was clean-shaven, a beautiful milk chocolate toned and had a rather ambitious,yet shy energy about him. Judging by the outfit, Yaa figured he was dressed as Don Cornelius. While he was looking away, she saw him smile and saw only one thing: a gap. Yaa was mysteriously obsessed with gapped teeth, especially on guys. She didn’t know this man from Adam, yet she was feeling him from a distance.

Completely entertained by the mutual eye fucking before them, Neesh and one of Winston’s colleagues and friend, Lupita, smirked to themselves as they mentally devised a plan to get Yaa and Winston together. “Peet, we better not be thinking about the same thing.”,Neesh remarked with a smirk. Lupita chuckled,”Yes. They need to be next to each other. She’s perfect for him!” The friends gravitated towards their gentle giant of a friend. Winston looked at them with confusion,”What’s up, ladies?” Lupita and Neesh looked at each other before Neesh spoke:

“ You remember that lawyer friend I was telling you about?”

Winston nodded,”Yeah, I remember. You never confirmed nor denied if she was cute. I’m still waiting on your answer,Tanisha.”

Neesh rolled her eyes, “ Boy, shut up and follow me.”

The thought of finally meeting Neesh’s lawyer friend made a usually calm Winston a little anxious. The walk across the venue made his chest tighter the closer he got. He still didn’t understand why he was so nervous. His loud friend didn’t settle his nerves either as she practically yelled towards her lawyer friend.

“AYO, K.D.!” Yaa almost got whiplash from turning her head at the rate in which she did. Her eyes widened as the fine guy she was looking at earlier was coming towards her. Her heart almost stopped when he stopped in front of her. He was much taller than she’d imagined, but you wouldn’t catch her complaining. Sis was completely shook. Neesh cleared her throat louder than normal to break the two from the trances they were in.

“Wow. You’re tall.” Yaa stammered.

“Nah, I’m Winston.”, he replied as he smiled and shook her hand. She was NOT about to be out-pettied by this man. If it was a petty war he wanted, then by all means a petty war is what he was going to get.

“Wow, that was corny. That’s what they teaching y’all in the theatre program now?” Winston’s heart fluttered as Yaa’s Southern accent got the best of her. It only came out when she said certain words or phrases.

“Ok, Elle Woods, I see you got jokes, too.”

“One, my name is Khalida Abdullah. Two, coming from a nigga named Winston, I know you got jokes.” Both Lupita and Neesh were damn near on the floor laughing at the exchange. They both knew Yaa was going to win this fight.

“I’m glad they taught you how to be observant in law school.”

“Yeah, of fucking course. You seem to be pretty damn good at observations too, nigga.” Winston was shocked. His train of thought stopped as he realized his attempts at sneaking looks at her failed. He hid his shame and defeat with a rather stoic stare; Yaa returned his stare with a petty stare. After what seemed like forever of staring at each other, Yaa walked closer to Winston and signaled for him to match her height. “You actin’ like I didn’t see your tree ass eye-fucking me all night from all the way over here. Yes, I’m short, but that doesn’t mean I don’t peep shit, Big Fella. I’m about to head to this here cash bar. You coming or not?” Yaa whispered in his ear. She walked away with an extra pep in her switch. She wanted him to know that the ass he was staring at all night wasn’t restrained by the confines of a Spanx. He followed her like a little puppy.

After getting drinks, they began talking; their connection was instant. He found himself making jokes just to hear her infectious laughter. She found herself falling in love with his gap-toothed smile and hearty laughter. They discussed each other’s costume and found many common interests.

“So you’ve really been a Selena fan your entire life?”, Winston inquired, “ I just saw the biopic two years ago and I’ve been a fan ever since. I don’t speak Spanish, but her music is everything.”

“Yeah. When my dad was teaching me Spanish, my personal goal was to translate Selena songs without a translator. It also improved my Spanish skills before I needed them.” Yaa answered.

“So you’re fluent now, yeah?”

“I’m fluent in four languages.”

Winston was shocked, “Seriously?!”

“Yeah, there are a lot of things, you’ll learn about me.” She winked.

Suddenly, “Bidi Bidi Bom Bom” came on. The DJ acknowledged Yaa as she made her way to the dancefloor, mic in hand. The DJ started the track back again. Yaa transformed into her idol and the force of the Tejano Queen was with Yaa. She glided as she danced around the dancefloor. Winston watched in amazement. When she finished, the crowd erupted into applause and cheers. Winston was the first one to greet her she left the floor. He told her how amazing she looked and how he felt like Selena was on the floor.

For the remainder of the night, Yaa and Winston talked on the balcony of the venue in the cool nighttime October breeze. They exchanged numbers and social media handles as they walked towards Yaa’s car. He almost stepped on her to get the door for her. “I’m sorry, but you won’t touch that handle, at least when I’m around.” Yaa looked at him with a shocked expression on her face. “You sound pretty confident you’re staying around, Mr. Duke. Tanisha didn’t tell you I drop niggas like a bad phone call?” Winston smirked. “She did,but that doesn’t apply to me.” He closed her car door and waved as she drove away.

When Yaa finally got home, Tanisha was on the couch waiting for her.

“BITCH! You got that nigga in love with your little ass.” Neesh interjected as her head fell back in laughter.

“Whatever. I hate to say it, but you were right: he ain’t that bad. Quincy could never.”

“Yeah,yeah. Thank me at y’alls wedding.”

Yaa rolled her eyes. “Bitch, fuck you.” she laughed. “We have a date in three weeks.”

Neesh’s eyes and grin grew wide. “A WHAT?! Does he know you’re in D.C. now?”

“I mean, I wouldn’t have said yes if I didn’t know how my situation would be.”

The two talked about their night and how boo’d up Yaa was. Though she wanted to deny it, her glow and goofy grin were saying otherwise. “I think it’s him.”

The The peanut butter to my jelly:

@great-neckpectations @randomwordprompts @blackgirloneshots @babygirlofwakanda @kumkaniudaku @royallyprincesslilly @eriknutinthispoosy @teheeboo @texasbama @wakandan-flowerz @soldierandawar @summertimesadnesswithadashofsass @vanitykocaine @sarahboseman @niquelafleur @blackpantherismyish @pastelastronomy24

#AtFirstGlance #DestinedToBeDuke

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vegasring · 7 years ago

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Don’t Die

This one is part of the Tiny, Tiny Moments Series. It’s really part 4 of the story that started with Anyone But You. The chapter before this is smutty and I didn’t post it on Tumblr. But you can read the smut here.

He came to wakefulness at about 5:30 a.m. feeling unusually rested. He had his right arm wrapped around Molly's shoulder, her head nestled just below his collarbone. He never thought much about physical contact and had often derided people's need for it. But now he could be persuaded that there was some merit to it. And it didn't have anything to do with last night's activities, although that was some spectacular show of endurance and willpower on his part if you asked him.

The weight of her sleeping form, her steady breathing against his chest, and the length of her frame pressed against his side gave him a strange sense of stillness. He never thought he'd ever want to linger after sex, but he found himself unwilling to move. Maybe it was the time of day? Or maybe because it was just Molly? She was a safe zone, after all.

(His last sexual encounter long, long ago in a posh hotel room in Islamabad was a dare that had to be accepted. He instantly regretted it though and fled before any more propositions or nefarious deals were exchanged.)

Whatever this was, it brought him clarity. He stayed there unmoved, in bed with Molly Hooper and her hair, breathing her in and found the courage to do what he knew he needed to do from a place of lo-… light, instead of his overwhelming sense of self-loathing. He knew he had to go to hell. Mary just gave him very specific instructions on how to do it, even though he didn't need it. To "go to hell", Sherlock just needed to follow his basest of instincts. Before last night, he was ready to make that fatal leap to go all out, so to speak.

Things shifted somehow in the early light of day. He couldn't jump into hell now, at least not without knowing there was that proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. This job wasn't about him after all. He needed to save John Watson first and foremost, not kill Sherlock Holmes.

With this epiphany, he carefully extricated himself off her to shower and get to work on his game plan.

It was almost seven in the morning when Molly woke up to find herself alone in bed. Not that she was expecting them to be waking up spooned together like little baby cats. That could have been awkward, actually. She knew Sherlock well enough, and he wasn't a touchy-feely guy. Last night was quite surprising and nothing short of miraculous. But then again, even the great Sherlock Holmes was prone to clichés. He did hook up with the bridesmaid after a wedding. Why wouldn't he hook up with the co-godparent after a funeral?

Molly lumbered her way towards the kitchen on wobbly legs and almost tripped when she found the consulting detective at the breakfast bar with his laptop open and a coffee mug in his hand.

"Good morning," she croaked, half pleased he was still there and half mortified her bed head was in full display while he was already, as usual, impeccably dressed.

"Uhm," he grunted in response, acknowledging her with just a quick glance up from the top of his mug and the computer screen. He then put the mug down and walked towards the oven where he retrieved a plate of toast and scrambled eggs. He set the plate down in front of her then poured her a cup of coffee, mixing in milk and two sugars just as she liked it. This is how I should start my day every day, she thought as her eyes did a quick scan of the Adonis before her. She had to pinch herself to make sure this was not a dream.

"Ow! I mean, Wow," she skillfully corrected, as he handed her some silverware. "I must've done something right. That, or I died and went to heaven," she joked as she took a bite of her toast. "Service in this house has never been better."

Sherlock did not answer that. He was just staring intently at the computer screen, trying to formulate how he was going to ask her a favor.

"A new case then?" He finally faced her with his head tilted in confusion.

"You must be working on a new case," she continued, as one does when met with awkward silence. "You haven't eaten and you're drinking coffee. You don't eat, and you only drink coffee when you're working a case." His eyebrows raised, as if impressed.

"I, too, can make observations, Sherlock. You're not as mysterious as you make yourself out to be. So, what is it?"

Having found his opening, Sherlock said, "It is a case. A 10. Probably my most important and dangerous to date." He sucked in a breath loudly before he added, "I need a favor from you."

A slow smile formed on her lips as she swallowed her coffee and set the mug down. "Ah, and there it is," she said. Sherlock looked absolutely perplexed. Clearly, Molly had to explain herself because his brain wasn't functioning on all cylinders this morning.

"Well, you know. Dinner, breakfast….sex," she said that last bit flippantly, as if it didn't matter to her. "It all makes sense now." He looked horrified. "It's okay Sherlock. Don't look so shocked. I'm on to you," she said, winking to let him know she was joking, that she doesn't take it personally. "You always butter me up when you want something from me. No use denying it now. I know it's a big ask."

He didn't know why he felt insulted by this when it would be far more convenient if it were the truth. He was about to object to her assertions when he realized that his intentions last night, and all those times he had 'buttered her up' had been sincere. He had not been bringing coffee to the morgue solely to gain access to body parts. And he hadn't been buying her dinner because he kept her late at the lab. He just made it always seem that way. Up until this moment, he had convinced himself that he needed to keep Molly Hooper happy to continue his unfettered access to the lab and body parts.

The inconvenient truth was that he had a better laboratory to use at the Met's and no real need for body parts to play with. Why he continued to go to her was something he didn't want to think about. Right now, he had a goal – to save John Watson – and whatever he was feeling had no bearing on anything. He had to focus.

And so, he acknowledged her deduction at face value.

"You're right. It is quite a big favor." He looked almost sorry he needed to ask it.

"What is it then? What do you need?" Over four years ago, she asked that very same question. She had been so very afraid for him then. This time was no different.

"I need you to trust me."

Molly nodded and braced herself for what was coming. But that was all he said.

"Okay Sherlock. I trust you. What do you need?" She asked again. Molly searched his eyes for clues for what he wanted. But Sherlock's face wasn't giving any hints.

"I just need you to promise me that you will trust me, no matter what. Even when every bone in your body, and all other evidence is telling you otherwise." His intense gaze pleaded her to understand. But she wasn't getting it.

"I do trust you, Sherlock. You don't need to ask that of me."

"But I do. For this case, I do. I will have to do things you wouldn't want me to do. But…" he let out a huff to prevent himself from crying out and letting her save him from himself.

"Just trust that I know what I'm doing," he swallowed hard to control the fear that was bubbling up from his belly, "and see me through this."

Molly was moved by the sincerity of his request. It was a simple ask as far as she was concerned. Of course, she trusts him. Of course, she will see him through. She will always be there for him. Always.

Unless…

And that's when the gravity of the favor hit her with full force. She finally understood what he was saying. This was no ordinary case, whatever it was. He was going to visit his demons as she watched from the front row.

"No," she said, taking a step back. "No, I can't do that," she said more forcefully, shutting her eyes and walking away. Her head felt heavy and that Meat Loaf song blasted in her ears. I will do anything for love, but I won't do that, it said over and over. She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of her life being reduced to a 1990's epic rock song but the loud pounding of the imaginary piano was too disorienting.

Sherlock sprinted around the bar and grabbed her shoulders. He spun her around and hugged her tightly, rocking her like he did the night before.

"Please Molly. Please," he begged. "I have to do this. I have to do this, even without you. But I'd much rather not. I've lost so many friends already. I can't lose you, too."

How could she say no to him when he was like this? She understood his desperation perhaps more than he did. She was hopelessly in love with him, the Sherlock Holmes who thoughtlessly threw himself at death's door, after all. She knows what it's like to fear losing someone you care for.

So how can she deny him? She will always be there for him anyway. Always. But will he be there for her? Shouldn't she demand something in return? Why not. It was only fair.

"Ok," she said finally, coming to terms with her decision. "I promise to trust you and be there for you all the way. Anytime. But you have to promise me one thing. Just one easy thing."

Pulling out of their embrace, Sherlock held her face and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"What is it?"

"Don't die."

Author's Note. It bothered me so much that Sherlock was so rude to Molly during The Lying Detective, and that Molly just took it. She clearly wasn't happy with him. But I wanted her to scream and slap some sense into him for what he was doing to himself. And then she turns around and easily forgives him and takes the night shift. So I thought, well, maybe she had an idea that something was up and that he made her promise to trust him? And for Sherlock, for someone as self-destructive as he is, when he said "I don't want to die," it felt blasé at first, until he truly realized he did not want to die. Maybe he realized what his promise to not die really meant?

#sherlolly #the lying detective #sherlock x molly

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jumarit38 · 7 years ago

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THROUGH TIME - CHAPTER 8

#WMatsui #Matsui Jurina #Matsui Rena #FanFiction

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failuretofrag · 8 years ago

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1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? I think it's about even. 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? Yessss 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Anything that's flat. Once I used a condom rapper. 4: how do you take your coffee/tea? Coffee with lots of cream, tea with sugar. 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Slightly. 6: do you keep plants? Not anymore. 7: do you name your plants? I had a Japanese peace lily named Lily once. 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Poetry. 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? Yess 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Side 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? So you're telling me.. a chicken fried this rice? 12: what's your favorite planet? Jupiter. 13: what's something that made you smile today? Jessi. 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Oh man, I have no idea. 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! All of space is completely silent. 16: what's your favorite pasta dish? Probably Tomato Basil Penne 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? Auburn 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. They call me Ralph a lot because I got super drunk one night and couldn't stop puking. 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I have a sketch book that I doodle in. 20: what's your favorite eye color? Blue. 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. I have so many bags, but my favourite one is a little cross shoulder bag that is my EDC. 22: are you a morning person? Not particularly, but I can wake up fairly fast. 23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Sleep. 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Two people, actually. Jessi and Gemini. 25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? Uh, I broke into an old shed that was filled with hundreds of keys. 26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? Under armor gym shoes? Lmao. 27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? Bubblegum. 28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset. 29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? Kim refers to my gf and I as Gag a lot, talking us up and such. 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Yes. 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. Okay so I use to love having colorful mismatched socks, then my OCD took over, so now I have 30 pairs of the same ankle black socks. 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. Coming down from ecstasy highs like 8 of us went to Denny's and just stayed there eating and joking for like 3 hours. 33: what's your fave pastry? Cheese Danish 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? I had the Pegasus from Hercules. He was my favourite, but I lost him a few years back. 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? I actually have a weird obsession with calligraphy and fountain pens. 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? Halsey 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I LIKE keeping it clean, but it's usually messy. 38: tell us about your pet peeves! Oh jeez.. loud noises, having to repeat myself, being ignored 39: what color do you wear the most? Black (but that's not a color) so blue 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? My class ring! Hell yeah. It's my class ring lmao 41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? Right Behind You by Gail Giles 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! It's a Starbucks, but a really small one that lacks the usual pretentious feel of a Starbucks. 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? Molly 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? A couple nights ago. 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? All the time. 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one turns to the other and goes "Dam" 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Pineapple on pizza. 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Nah, as a kid I thought that I'd get kidnapped, and now I know that that'd be a bad move on a kidnappers part. 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? Not really, I don't buy music much, and when I do it's to support the artist, but the last one I bought was The Human Condition by Jon Bellion 50: what's an odd thing you collect? Rocks 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? Jessi- Guillotine by Jon Bellion 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? Cash me Ousside how bow dah 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I liked beetlejuice, and I loved pulp fiction. 54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? My friend Higgs 55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? That's hard to pinpoint. I've done a lot of dramati- I blew up my friends garbage can to prove I could make explosives out of things in his kitchen. 56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Laughs, half smiles, hesitation, voice cracks, eye contact 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? Lmao, I usually sing along, but I don't think I catch as much of the nostalgia as most. 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? Oh my god, so the wine mom is Aze and the vodka aunt is Crusher and I can't explain this very well but trust me. 59: what's your favorite myth? That people only use a small percent of their brain. 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? Neil Hilborn- OCD Shane Koyczan- To This Day Rudy Francisco- Scars 61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? I gave my ex a coupon for a free kiss, and I received makeup from my uncle. 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Nope, coffee is the only thing I can stand. 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? I like them organized. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Blue 65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? Yeah 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Lots of blue and green with white highlights 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Amazing. I love gloomy days. 68: what's winter like where you live? Shit. Hot. Not fair. 69: what are your favorite board games? Sorry, Clue, Battleship, Connect four 70: have you ever used a ouija board? No, fuck that shit. 71: what's your favorite kind of tea? Snapple Peach tea 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? Yeah, I have a horrible memory 73: what are some of your worst habits? Nail biting, lip biting, cutting 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Tall, dark, hilarious and a force to be reckoned with. 75: tell us about your pets! Baby is my pet. She a cat. She go meow. 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? Nope 77: pink or yellow lemonade? Pink. 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? A little of both. 79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? This one time I was really sick, and Dani brought me soup and made me eat then helped me get up and shower and stuff. 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Off white. No. I want to redo it with some blood spatter 81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. Oh jeez. No. 82: are/were you good in school? I was bad with good grades. 83: what's some of your favorite album art? This is hard.. I Prevail- Lifelines album. 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? Already have some, but my next one is going to be a scorpion on my arm with water around it. 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? I use to! I think the series of ones containing the early stages of the relationship between harleyquinn and Ivy are my favourite. 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? They are okay I guess, but I don't really have any.. 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Fight club American History X The Lorax 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? Not particularly 89: are you close to your parents? Not at all. 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Austin! I love the people and the environment, it's so relaxing and surprising. 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? I'm not sure yet. 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? I fucking love cheese. 93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? Bed head 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? Schultzy 95: what are your plans for this weekend? I'm not sure yet, might be working. 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? Procrastinate. 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? The Commander ENTJ-A I think, Scorpio, Slytherin. 98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? About 4 months ago, and yes I loved it 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. AWOLNATION- Sail Jon Bellion- Guillotine Kiiara- Feels 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Neither. Going back is a waste, and going forward is so unknown.

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the-jade-goblin · 7 years ago

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for the pester me ask, would it be too much trouble to ask you to answer all the numbers? or as many as you can do! i can't think of one thing in particular i want to ask! you don't have to if you don't want sorry if im bothering you!

oho anon that is not too much trouble at all, answering questions about myself is a favourite pastime of mine. strap in kids its gonna be a bumpy ride

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?

yes, this is him. this wreck of a human being

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

it was my dad, and yeah sure because he didn’t mean to so it’s okay

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

um, my cat i guess?

4: What’s something you really want right now?

motivation would be nice. the will to live? even better!

5: Are you afraid of falling in love?

not of the love part, just the jerkface that will most likely ended up hurting me. im in love with so many fictional characters already so im not afraid of that

6: Do you like the beach?

sometimes, i have to be in the mood or else the sand getting everywhere will just piss me off

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

with someone else? i dont think so, only by myself

8: What’s the background on your cell?

this, my husband. natrually

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?

i dont even know what this means tbh

10: Do you like your phone?

yeah its pretty good, better than spending my life savings on an iphone

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?

fam if i planned to be broke, single, and living in squalor while being totally satisfied with my stagnant existence than yeah sure

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

my boss

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?

i dunno, im not much of a dog person, but a poodle i guess?

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

physical. i can do emotional all day every day i aint got no soul anymore anyway

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

as much as i love animals, its sad seeing them in captivity, even if its probably better for them then being in the wild. plus i love art, so an art museum

16: Are you tired?

i am always tired my dude. i dont remember ever not being tired

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?

like about 10 years

18: Are they a relative?

nope, my best friend

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

FUUUUUUCK NOOOOOO. All of my exes were abusive, fuck that

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

I havent spoken to my last ex in like, six months or more

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

if i knew without a doubt they were the right person hell yeah i’d marry them. i’d marry my best friend right now if she’d let me

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ew no. my ex was a disgustingly bad kisser and he’s a dick

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

right now, none

24: Is there a certain quote you live by?

“no one can do you better than you, so do you and do you well”

25: What’s on your mind?

the inevitable and impending doom of death

26: Do you have any tattoos?

nope, but i want some. but im a pussy im scared of pain

27: What is your favorite color?

purple or green

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

literally never. its disgusting and id rather set myself on fire

29: Who are you texting?

my group chat friends who i organize kpop merch/cds buying and selling with

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

yeah i think it was my couch.

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

you mean like, every day? because yeah

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

eh, not really.

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?

i sincerely doubt it

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

my ex-girlfriend said that a couple times

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

i literally wouldnt care

36: Were you single on Valentines Day?

yeah i’d broken up with my ex by then (he gave me my V Day gift as a ‘plz take me back’ thing, i took it and still said get out of my house)

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?

hell no.

38: What do your friends call you?

apart from various nicknames to do with being a trash human being, mostly just T since my name is hard to nickname, or just my name

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?

thankfully no, its only thursday

40: Have you ever cried over a text?

yeah when my second-last ex broke up with me by telling me he’d been lying to me through our whole year-long relationship and never actually cared about me in the first place and that he just dated me because he felt bad for me since i was sad i just broke up with my girlfriend

41: Where’s your last bruise located?

my hip.

42: What is it from?

i run into the counter at work a lot

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

oh when i just got home from my trip to japan and my now-ex picked me up from the airport and i remembered how uncomfortable he made me and i wanted nothing more than to be alone and away from him

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?

my dad

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

yeah, they’re reeeally worn now, i need to get a new pair

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

no i just deal with my ugliness

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?

nope, hell no.

48: Do you make supper for your family?

i cant cook

49: Does your bedroom have a door?

yes

50: Top 3 web-pages?

tumblr, youtube and like i dunno facebook i guess?

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?

yeah one of my friends

52: Does anything on your body hurt?

my neck kinda

53: Are goodbyes hard for you?

i dont even do the goodbye thing i literally just walk away to avoid it

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

like milk i think

55: How is your hair?

56: What do you usually do first in the morning?

complain

57: Do you think two people can last forever?

you mean like a relationship, or immortality?

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?

i was like 11 so yeah

59: Green or purple grapes?

green motha fuckaa

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?

probably when i move in with my best friend in February

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

preferably in a big warm library surrounded by books in a comfy chair with a fluffy blanket over me

62: When will be the next time you text someone?

monday when my friend tells me she’s here to pick me up

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?

in this bed like i am right now, scrolling through tumblr like always

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.

sleeping

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

yeah my abusive ex

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

my many fictional husbands and wives, my kpop group members. but someone i actually know, like i guess my best friend

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?

nope

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

‘fuck why cant i fucking sleep this is bullshit’

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

literally the story of my life

70: How many windows are open on your computer?

three. tumblr, youtube and facebook

71: How many fingers do you have?

all of them? 8, 2 thumbs

72: What is your ringtone?

my phone’s been on silent since 2008 dude

73: How old will you be in 5 months?

74: Where is your Mum right now?

probably at work

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

because a) she lives in texas and i live in australia b) she was abusively controlling and manipulative and i had to get out of that situation

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

nope

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

yep

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

ew yes hahaha gross

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?

my best friend’s step dad i guess, he’s a dick

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

my ex a few times. its really uncomfortable.

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?

real people? none. fictional people? way too many

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

nope

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?

well i mean i could replay the arcana and see julian again

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

ew. i would never do that in the first place bc i dont drink nor do i harass strangers out of car windows.

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?

yes, bc fuck that im out of here immediately.

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

i mean, we nearly got killed going to a maccas at 2am by a homeless dude, and we also tried to cook pasta in the microwave bc the hotel’s hotplate wasnt working, and i also was suuuper tired and was screaming nonsense wrapped up in a doona and crashed into a glass door.

87: Who was your last received call from?

my bestie telling me her landlord said i could move in

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

i mean, i guess? like thats a bitch move and id be super sad but im a broke ass homie ok i need the money

89: What is something you wish you had more of?

motivation. seratonin or whatever that chemical your brain makes that makes you happy

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?

yeah like everyone i’ve ever dated

91: Do you sleep with your window open?

only if its super hot

92: Do you get along with girls?

hell yeah girls are awesome

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

94: Does sex mean love?

sex means me throwing up

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

fuck yeah, someone better unlock the door before that fuck ends up dead

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

97: Did you sleep alone this week?

yesssss andits greeeeat

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

sure, my bestie always makes me happy

99: Do you believe in love at first sight?

i guess. i dont know if i even feel love so im not sure how i would tell

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?

what am i 12?

#long post #ask meme #this was fun but tiring #Anonymous

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