#sorry im a downer today
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
cheerfullycatholic · 5 months ago
Text
So just found out my baby niece or nephew might be born on the same day my grandmother died 👍 that wouldn't be bad at all but I know a couple people in my family would rather mourn death than celebrate new life and wouldn't let him or her forget it
18 notes · View notes
Text
I'm really nervous for the third sonic movie. not for anything about the movie itself but for the fact that every single Scu thing (with the exception of drone home maybe?) Has been shortly preceded and/or followed by some kind of personal social tragedy.
And it's really weird cuz it started me writing and without that I wouldn't have met most of my current friends. But at the same time im associating it with the loss of multiple relationships.
Am I an overly anxious person that catastrophises every little thing? Yes. Am I superstitious? not really. But the fact that this keeps happening, And i keep ending up upset near an scu release due to social issues is getting really really freaky and almost makes it seem like there is something weird going on. The storyteller in me wants to call it like a deal, it got me into the sonic franchise and so many good things, but the trade off is ill feel hurt and loose something each time something in that universe comes out.
2 notes · View notes
fitpacs · 6 months ago
Text
.
5 notes · View notes
txmxkis · 11 months ago
Text
headache from holding in tears
3 notes · View notes
neurodivenport · 2 years ago
Note
Just a ‘fun’ fact for you too, your stalker is even more pathetic then you are for yet another reason (not that you are even CLOSE to her levels to be clear)- she is constantly ripping off you and other Lab rats blogs that have her blocked (your edits/your random ideas/whatever- she rips that stuff off) and then she tries to ‘re-edit’ them to seem like “oh look at this cute thing I came up with with no influence from anyone else!”
She’s pathetic, and mean, and an attention seeking brat. I’m sorry to be mean, but that is what she is :/.
But completely side note- obviously she doesn’t think your edits are that bad if she copies them for herself frequently!
i needed to hear that, thank you. damn. you’re very right
12 notes · View notes
neonsbian · 1 year ago
Text
do u guys remember how sm announced a ten debut mini in their 2023 plans in the beginning of the year, and then taeyongs debut happened (which was not stated in the plans), and then proceeded ignore the fact that they ever announced that
2 notes · View notes
sonnykissed · 1 year ago
Text
another friend asked me how i felt about heel jack perry and my response "take that shit over to rampage" LMAO
5 notes · View notes
stonerzelda · 2 years ago
Text
god wat an uncomfortable day T^T ive been freezing cold the entire time and starving yet i have no appetite . Being sick is so stupid and annoying frankly
2 notes · View notes
stoneclaw · 7 days ago
Text
cant afk in ultima thule bc i am at work so tricking yt into letting me loop the bgm on my locked phone will have to do...
0 notes
melonyfelonyfellonme · 19 days ago
Text
Just thinking a week today I don't have to go into the office, I don't have to wake up when it's still dark, and I get to look forward to a new video game in the evening 🥹���
Any motivation is motivation, and it's keeping me going 😌
0 notes
doodlboy · 1 year ago
Text
A day part 2
1 note · View note
rinnysmuses · 2 years ago
Text
well today was not great
was hoping for a really nice relaxing day off and it was not that tbh
im not looking forward to the clusterfuck that is the rest of my week...
im so tired]
1 note · View note
a-substantial-trash-pile · 25 days ago
Text
real downer mental health stuff below cut. sorry. it's been a real hard couple weeks and i need to get things out somewhere or i'll go crazy.
i just need to get my feelings written out because right now i feel like im going to explode and i can't afford therapy right now and i can't talk to any friends because i cant live with the guilt of burdening them with my problems. so this is the only way i can think of getting it out of me. but i still feel guilty even doing this so im turning reblogs off because i don't want anyone to feel like they need to provide words of comfort or anything like that. would turn off replies to this post too if i knew how to do it. i just need to get it Out.
a few weeks ago, my family had a discussion about putting our old dog down. he's deaf and blind and has dementia that's gotten much worse this year. and he isn't really "living" anymore. i'm not sure he even knows who i am anymore. and it hurts so so bad. i know it's time. but it hurts so fucking bad. i don't want to be the one to make the phone call and make the appointment and solidify the date i lose him forever, so i asked my dad if he could do it. my mom wanted to do it immediately but my dad said he would make the call after my mom's surgeries for her parkinsons that was happening this month. i know my dad doesn't want to put our dog down. the whole thing was brought up in the first place because my mom keeps bringing it up. and it makes her and my dad argue which is not what i fucking want right now. she tends to bring up the subject with my dad and i at the worst times, when im feeling especially terrible. she just had her last surgery yesterday so she brought it up again tonight. the way she brings it up has kind of really sucked for me. i was already feeling especially depressed because everything was just feeling so overwhelming today (stress from thinking about my dog and also hearing that my mom fell on her face and got hurt while i was at work). the past couple times my mom has brought up my dog with me, she's started it off by asking if i had been crying and then when i say that i was, she asks when we're putting our dog down. i don't know why she's doing it like this. i feel upset at her for doing it this way, but at the same time i feel bad for being upset at her because she has parkinson's and just had surgery. even though the surgery went well, i still feel guilty that i'm upset with her.
i couldn't give my mom a straight answer because again, i don't want to be the one to solidify the date, so i told her i'm waiting for dad to make the phone call. she said, "ok i'm going to tell dad." then i went downstairs and cried while she immediately went to tell my dad. i could hear my parents argue about it. it's not a subject my dad likes to acknowledge and my mom has been really pushy about it with him and me. i regret and feel guilty about asking my dad to make the call. i should have just sucked it up and said i would do it. i think i might have to be the one to do it. but it hurts so fucking bad.
whenever my mom talks about it with my dad, she always tries to pressure him by bringing up how sad it's making me. when she does that it feels like im being made into the main "reason" to put our dog down. that if we don't put him down as soon as possible, my mental health will keep spiraling. and yeah, im not doing great right now, but i don't want to keep hearing it brought up over and over like that. i don't want to feel like it's my fault. i know my dog needs to be put down. but i don't want to feel like it's because of me. does that make sense? is that selfish? is the amount of crying i've been doing not "normal" in this situation? it's not like i cry all day. i only do it at night and i try to hide it as best i can. i don't want my mom to see and tell me "this is why we need to put him down now." which she has done before. i don't know. it just hurts so bad.
i haven't been able to tell my mom about how she's been upsetting me. because she'll get upset about it if i do. and i feel bad for being upset in the first place. because i know in the end, these actions she's taking is because she's worried for me. she just. doesn't think things through all the time. she's always spoken before thinking. although im not sure if her parkinson's has made this habit worse. i can't remember if she's always been at this level or if this is something exacerbated by parkinson's. which makes me feel even more guilty about being upset at her. god. everything just feels fucked right now. so overwhelming. i wish i could see my therapist again, but i just can't afford that expense right now.
i've been having more nightmares. been having the stupid sleep paralysis shit. been having more frequent intrusive thoughts of driving off the bridge i go over on my commute or looking at my pills and wondering what would happen if i took everything in the bottle at once. i don't think i would ever actually act on these things, because i love my family too much to have them deal with that kind of hardship. it's just been exhausting for my brain. and some days the thoughts feel closer than others. but that's depression for you. been dealing with it for many years. this has just been one of those real bad times for it. if anyone is actually reading this, please dont worry. i know that's kind of dumb of me to say considering everything i wrote here. but really please don't worry. i just needed a place to put my thoughts and feel like i'm releasing them somehow. im still here. i've had these bad thoughts before and i'm still here. i will still be here. it'll get better. i just need to hold on again.
i just wish dogs lived longer.
20 notes · View notes
shadsasaur · 26 days ago
Text
.
new accessible assessment place opened. got an appointment, went in to get an official adhd diagnosis because ive not been able to afford one for years, everything here is so expensive. i was SO EXCITED
and it turns out while saying things i managed to find the [a?] thing you can say that shuts down an assessment and got the owner to say "im sorry, with that in play i absolutely cannot give you a diagnosis. if we proceeded i could give you a sheet saying you have all these affecting symptoms, but i cannot give you any actual diagnosis."
im not doing well. i dont talk about it because i dont want to be the guy who is constantly a downer, i do not want to talk about how im doing most days because the answer is always STILL BAD WITH NO END IN SIGHT, but everything is so much and overwhelming, and i was relying on this assessment to be the thing that got me treatment and maybe make a cascade of other smaller things more workable. the loadbearing fork that dislodged a series of other forks, you know??? just make things in general Tolerably Less.
im just. crushed. todays an hours cryin on the couch kinda day. guess now i try to figure out what, if any, next step should be. fuck.
13 notes · View notes
giyrut-girlie · 6 months ago
Text
(queer) jews in my phone i need help/love
this is a long ass post im so sorry lmfao, im putting it in under the cut to save you all but also if people have head space pls read <3
on friday night, i found myself the last of the shabbat guests (who weren't staying the night) at the Rabbi's house. i had asked my housemate to pick me up at 10:30, but everyone else left before 10.
the kids and rabbi's wife had gone to bed, so it was me, the Rabbi, and two older frum guys who stay over shabbat most weeks to be closer to shul.
for some context, earlier in the evening one of these guys had asked another dinner guest (a med student who I'm good friends with, she's a year or two younger than me) whether trans issues came up in her study. the two of us youngins made brief "help me" eye contact and she answered saying that yes, they did cover trans issues given that as a doctor she will, at some point or another, treat trans patients. the subject was changed, but the room was a bit tense.
so: 10pm, i'm sitting at the table, a little tipsy from all the wine, just hanging out until my ride comes.
the rabbi says "hey ella, i have a question for you now that everyone else (by which he means the not-so-frum people) is gone." and i Just Knew what he was about to ask.
i won't go into extreme detail about the actual conversation, but to sum it up: I was asked my opinion on trans folk, i said that i am supportive and do in fact believe trans people about their identities and was Shut All The Way Down. if i cited statistics i was told that actually they'd seen the opposite, if i tried to explain a study i was familiar with, i was told that they didn't think that was true. i actually don't know how i stayed calm, bc my mind and body were telling me that i was Unsafe basically the entire time (thanks anxiety disorder really did me a solid there /s).
eventually 10:30 rolled around and i had a get out of jail free to skip the rest of that fuck awful conversation, and my housemate was very nice to listen to my debriefing. while talking to her i came to the realisation that one of the main factors in the disagreement was that the rabbi didn't actually value the wisdom of any cultures/teachings/histories outside of judaism. if I talked about sistergirls of the torres strait, or māhū of hawai'i, that was dismissed essentially as goyische nonsense.
this whole conversation has been a Fucking Downer for my mental health. i actually broke shabbat (beyond my usual one melacha to be in the clear and sneaky housemate taxi service) that night bc my thoughts were racing too much to sleep without putting on some comfort media.
but beyond the mental health stuff (though probably actually very related) i've found myself really struggling with judaism since friday night. having my rabbi, who has been helping me through conversion, and who i have really valued as a teacher, and the only two other frum people in the community be so overtly transphobic all at once has really taken me for a spin. like, my rabbi is a lubavitcher, i knew that he was going to be fairly conservative about some stuff, but he literally told me that he only uses the correct pronouns for one of our community members as a "personal favour", and essentially told me that she was good evidence against trans acceptance bc nothing she could ever do would ever make her not a man (and you better believe this involved a lot of comments about her appearance)
to put the icing on the cake, when i dropped off his kids today (i nanny for them once a week), he handed me a book that upon research is basically the jk rowling talking point bible. he said to me that it was a really good book for me to read and that it might help fight some of the "mob mentality" (interesting term for scientific consensus but okay)
(also i had actually looked up my own citations from the discussion later and found myself to be very much correct in my recitation of statistics, but you better believe i wasn't petty enough to forward them on)
ANYWAY if anyone is still reading i'm fucking bummed and super anxious about interacting with my community, my conversion, finding the balance between really truly wanting to pursue an orthodox lifestyle and also being queer myself etc etc
i live in a really small jewish community and can't really leave until i finish my degree in 2026, so i can't exactly just find a more accepting rabbi or shul.
anyone have any advice, or just some solidarity for feeling shitty in this space? love u jews in my phone xx
15 notes · View notes
vorgoth · 2 months ago
Text
it's been a v long and sad day. my aunt received the worst news possible about her health today (i won't go into too much detail) but i'm glad i was with her so she wasn't alone to hear it.
im sorry for being a downer this past while but it's been a rlly horrible year for my family. im not going to talk abt this too much from now on but if yall could please send some good vibes, a prayer or anything my auntie's way i would appreciate it so so much
9 notes · View notes