#sorry if this sounds really wanky

[distant--shadow]

Can you share a little bit about your art process? I'm curious to know about how you use references and how you figure out compositions. Your pieces are always so nice to look at and I love how you post a full piece and then a close up, and both of those look really nice on their own.

Love your art <3

(hooo this is long. sorry I love 2 chat.)

well it's multiple factors; in regards to being able to crop a close up and having that work as its own image, that's thanks to the scale the digital medium allows with ease; if these were traditional pencil drawings they would have to be pretty fucking big to have that much detailing on the face, and that in turn would make the drawing process different as you'd be having to step back often, but it's a lot easier digitally to just zoom in back and forth, check things are working from zoomed in and out, flip the image to see things with fresh eyes and make sure things are looking alright etc. I've been drawing on paper for years, and mostly draw/paint in a completely different style to how I do for my fanart, so coming in to digital and seeing it as a hugely different beast actually kinda helps in that sense (tho I'd say most of the time the digital thing really hinders me).

on that digital vs traditional note though, I take pretty much all of my inspiration from traditional artists, so when I'm drawing fanart I'm thinking about how I want the drawing to give me the feeling and sorta composition that those pieces I admire have, whether it's more modern queer and fetish art or old masters and book illustrators. it's having an awareness that the human brain wants to focus in on a face or find eyes, getting as much emotion across in that area but also being conscious and having fun of the potential narrative telling of other details and what the body is doing, sewing in your own symbolism.

for figuring out poses, I have a visual mind, I can see compositions pretty well in my head, so for example; if someone who is commissioning something states the details they would like in a piece, I can usually tell without beggining the sketching stage that, for example, maybe they wouldn't be able to see the hand they want doing something specific if characters were interacting that way and we were seeing their faces as well, or you wouldn't be able to see one of their faces, and if you value seeing their expressions maybe let's chose what you prioritise in terms of what the viewer sees. idk what to give in terms of advice for that, I'm lucky I've got a photographic brain when it comes to stuff like drawing or other boons it grants me irl (but I'm useless with numbers and words so, it balances out).

as for reference I feel like I've touched on this a few times: reference is great! it's important if you're doing the style of drawing I'm doing here (but I also really love work that is more stylised as well, i love folk art and goofy and expressive things) at this point for the likes of Imogen and laudna (and I'm getting there with fearne) - I've drawn them so many times that I just reference myself, and if there's a specific expression I'm needing then I keep a shaving mirror near by and look at myself, same with hands, they're right there, draw straight from em or take a photograph (saying this I am not good at hands lol). other than that yes I will often look for reference of something that roughllly resembles what I wish to draw in terms of posing, and then it's a mixture of kinda treating the reference images like a frankenstein paper doll with metal pin joints and arranging them how I need, but as I've also said before I like to not have a 1:1 reference and duplicate because i want to get my own hand in there, figuring out angles and limbs with lines gives a little bit of movement, proportions being a little off shows what the maker wishes to exaggerate or minimise, these are all enjoyable things to me, I'm not tryna make something photo realistic. so yeah, reference good, reference teach, but your own hand is very important too.

in summary I use a combination of photo/painting/screen cap reference and just my intuition from years of drawing and looking at people for the bodies, and my own drawings and a mirror for the faces. sketching it all out takes quite a bit of time, and I often won't realise until near "the end" (after spending hours colouring caus idk the proper digital ways to do it) that I'm not happy with a thing or two. sometimes I try to "fix" this, sometimes I say "fuck it, it's an excercise and is what it is". people who have commissioned work from me might have had this happen where I've said I'm sending the drawing over and then been like actually can u wait a while I need to tweak some things and spend an hour doing so, caus part of my process is sending the image from my laptop to my phone, and not only is the colour different from my phone to my laptop, but once again it's like seeing it with a new set of eyes and pretty much always reveals a bunch of "mistakes" I've made. the phone thing also goes back to what I said earlier and what you brought up, of that intuition to look at an image both zoomed out in it's full composition, but also pushes our intuition to tap and zoom in (I'm sure there's essays on this shit about viewing art digitally and specifically on phones vs irl) this can be used to your advantage! maybe you have a style that suggests detail but when zoomed in it's very satisfying certain wide strokes of colour, or yeah you can pack in tiny details made with a finer point that you can't see zoomed out. one of the things that sucks about the style I do for my fanart is it's way more obvious when something is wrong. when it's stylised to you it's never gonna be wrong, yknow? uh. anyway. I hope this sorta answers your question. I'm happy to talk about making all day long, I always think what's best is to find what works for you. for me being inspired by things outside of the space youre making things for is really important, and plays part in us all not making similar end results. keep putting your own hand and brain to it and have fun.

thank you❣️

[bodycountgame]

i’ve been wanting to make an IF for a while, but i don’t think i’m the best writer? my writing seems so simple compared to others who are really good at describing things. do you know how to navigate that?

my advice: fuck it! if you're having a good time and enjoying what you're doing, who cares whether it's good or not? if i have learned anything on my journey writing interactive fiction, it's that you should write for you and fuck everybody else.

now i'm going to try to give you actually helpful advice and sorry if it sounds a bit wanky, but it's sort of impossible to earnestly answer asks like this without sounding super wanky.

in general, it's worth remembering that there is no one way to write, or to write well. more often than i should probably admit to, i'll read someone else's work and have a crisis of confidence because holy shit that was amazing and why don't i write like that?? the answer i guess is because only they can - and only you can write like you. cultivating your own voice, in my experience, only really comes with time, but i think it's one of the most important things about growing as a writer and storyteller. it doesn't just happen overnight, though - writing is a muscle and you've gotta flex it, yaknow?

a more immediate tip that i'd give is to play to your strengths. i'd describe my writing style as pretty simplistic (i say only because you describe yours in the same way, so i get being insecure about it), but i think my strengths lie in characterisation (don't correct me if you think i'm wrong let me have this one lmao). i'm writing a really character-driven story to put the thing i'm confident about front and centre, and you'll probably notice that my descriptions are pretty sparse because i don't feel as confident about them. over time i'll hopefully grow into a more well-rounded author, but if you're just starting out then you shouldn't expect yourself to be - see above re: it doesn't happen overnight.

i hope that helps??? soz for sounding wanky and soz if this is terrible advice, but i wanted to have a go at answering this one because been there felt that etc etc. good luck with your story! xoxo

[smanfa]

Any characters you want to Goth but haven't gotten a chance to?

ooh bit of a nerve pinched with this one - to be totally honest, i don't feel any desire to "goth up" characters any more - i know it's what i gained a lot of my popularity doing, and it was fun for a short time, but idk, i just got a little bored of it, and as much of a hipster as it makes me sound, a lot of other people started doing it, and i just lost interest - yet the legacy still follows me...

it isn't really fulfilling any more for me to just draw X character wearing Y outfit in where the appeal of the piece is purely the aesthetics of this super glammed-up character and they feel like they're models posing for a photo (and i've tried a few times recently) - i get way more out of drawing something that feels like it captures an every day candid moment, or tells a little story ykno? that's the sorta stuff i wanna focus on going forward

sorry to get all wanky about such a simple question lol, thank you for asking :)

[pynkhues]

Hi Sophie, so sorry if this is a double ask but I can’t tell if tumblr ate my first one…I was wondering if you would be comfortable sharing anything about your writing process (for both original projects and fics). Do you outline? Or is it more freeform with a general idea of where you’re going?

Hi! I'm so glad that you re-sent it, because it's not a double in my inbox. I'm more than happy to share about my writing process! I've been writing for a long time, and I think I might like talking about actually writing things more than I like actually talking about the finished story, haha.

My process is pretty much the same for both fic and for original works, and in that, I do a lot of wriitng in my head before I start actually even 'officially' writing it. To the point where I'll usually have a pretty strong sense of what the underlying idea of the story is, where I want the emotional anchor of the story to be, and often have roughly choreographed a few climactic sequences in my head in a way that gives it not necessarily structure or an outline, but a general shape.

So in writing Ungodly Hour for instance, I knew that I was interested in this sense of perception as the underlying idea of the story - Lestat's perception of himself and what happened to him, Louis' perception of what happened to Lestat, Daniel's potential perception of Lestat through the interview.

Then I knew I wanted the emotional anchor to be in Lestat telling Louis what happened with Magnus, and this collision of those perceptions, because I just found that like - - exciting creatively, and I had these scenes in my head - weirdly, the gallery one was quite formded for me, then the dressing room blowjob, then the fight (although I re-wrote the fight quite a few times).

So I had all that in my head when I actually started to write it, and at that point, my process really becomes a matter of asking 'Why?' I ask that constantly when I'm writing, because at the end of the day, writing is just cause and effect. One of the best bits of writing advice I ever got was that your story is always 'And so this happens' or 'But this happens', never, ever 'And then this happens'. Good scenes are built on the backs of the ones that came before them, so they need to have purpose for there to be any payoff.

As a result, anything that feels either instinctual or appealing to me, I end up asking it well, why, or how, or what needs to happen to make this feel right? I find that usually steers me in the best direction, and it helps me to especially get into a character's head, or even sometimes the context of the story overall.

In terms of the actual writing though, - this sounds so wanky, haha - but I generally say I'm a bit of a painter when it comes to writing. I like to lay a base coat and then build from there. I'll usually start with scenes that are fairly skeletal with what's effectively placeholder dialogue that evokes the vibe of the final dialogue that I'd like, just so I know what emotional beats I'm wanting (and these can and do change), and so that I have a full story on the page, and then I go back over and over again and build it up and up and up.

I'm kind of at that base coat skeleton stage with the reunion fic now, so to give you a sense (and please don't judge, like I said, this is basically a skeleton of a scene with some placeholder dialogue!) it'll usually look a bit like this:

So yeah, it'll start pretty thin, but it'll be what I know I want it to be, and sometimes I'll keep parts of it, but usually it's entirely re-written by the time I post or it gets published.

Things often fall into place late too. As I've gotten more experienced as a writer, I think I'm better at trusting my instincts? Like in Ungodly Hour, the gallery scene was the first thing I wrote in full, and I think I even posted here that I almost cut it several times. It was so fully formed for me, and I knew on a gut level that it belonged in the story, and more than that, needed to be the opening scene, but I didn't really get how it folded in until later in the writing process when it just clicked that it not just established the themes of the story, but placed Louis in a rawer emotional state to be entering this particular night with Lestat.

So yeah, I build up ideas basically, haha.

[god-has-entered-my-body]

❤️🥳

Hiii thanks for this!!

❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

one of my faves is a small bit from If you're too shy pt 1 (pt 2 coming super soon i promise xx) 'The creak of the bed as he throws himself onto it is incredibly loud. The sound of his zipper is even louder.' I do have a few others, but it's mostly banter i wrote for MPIND. I do have the opening line for IYTS pt 2 that i'm sort of proud of 'They say feeling diminishes over time, sensations are lost to memories, forgotten.' bit cringey now that i read it but its here x Also theres the classic 'I'll show you hobbit feet you fucking cunt' from MPIND's first chapter that i got a lot of laughs on, i did actually giggle a bit whilst imagining that scene. Love u MPIND George you will always be famous.

🥳 Why did you start writing fanfic?

I started writing because i couldn't really find fic that fit my sort of 'niche' preferences anywhere on tumblr or Ao3, so i just decided to write my own thinking people wouldn't really read it? Especially with fics like the first few chapters of MPIND or Facedown/Please be naked, i had thought that it wouldn't really get any attention since a lot of the fics on tumblr feature a more dom Matty, and that just seemed to be the most popular version of him at the time. But i've gotten so much love and support for MPIND and IYTS and how i characterize Matty in both those fics and i'm so grateful for all the positive feedback and compliments, they really do motivate me to keep writing even through some of the worst moments of my life. Writing fic has become my escape, i can just open my glitchy ass 2014 macbook and forget everything in a google doc. Its an outlet of sorts, which i think is a bit obvious with the darker/more serious themes of MPIND. I guess i've also sort of migrated from being terrified to write smut to it being the only thing i really do write, even if it is a bit shit in my eyes, you lot seem to enjoy it xx God this has become a super long rant but i do have a few thing i need to get off my chest and this seems like the opportune moment? I'm sorry for not having a regular post schedule, and its either 4 fics in two days or one every two weeks. Bit wanky, but writers block is real for me too. You're all actually amazing if you read, like, or comment on any of my stuff, it does find its way into my little 'ppl like you (maybe)' foto album and i look at it sometimes if i'm going through a bit of a dry patch. You guys are so so so nice to me even if i've been here since about March, and i've only been writing fic for like a month and a half. Love u guys so much, keep well for me x

[steelycunt]

also hi sorry if this is a weird question but i am currently attempting to formulate my own r & s playlists and ive seen urs and it is impeccable 🤌🤌

yeah i was wondering if u know any other r & s playlists that have interesting songs on them (yk, not just like a few arctic monkeys songs, a marina song and 🙊😱 a singular david bowie song)

sorry if this sounds overly wanky :P feel free to ignore

thank you sm i glad you like mine!! they were very carefully crafted (although its been a while i expect both could probably do with a refurb)...i dont really have any other playlists for you though, sorry abt that!! n have fun with yours xx

[blujayonthewing]

okay as someone whose patreon has ten patrons it's actually fascinating to go back through and be able to see which posts were viewed, like, 20+ times? like yeah I half joked about the pinups and similar, and some of them are public posts that I linked to outside patreon, but there are a lot of things I've posted, patron exclusive, that apparently at least one person came back to look at more than once?? and sometimes I can make at least an educated as to whom and why (a specific friend whose OC is in that post or whatever) but a lot of them I'm looking at like 'really?? really???'

.... to be clear, it's absolutely always in a 🥺💕 way

[lokisgoodgirl]

How do you have a lot of friends? Any advice?

I’m assuming you mean on Tumblr because in real real life I have like…five friends. Which suits me just fine.

I’ve never really thought about it. Some of the connections I have here I started speaking to because I reached out. I really admired their work or we crossed paths. Some reached out to me or our comments on trains etc spilled over to messages.

I guess just be open to speaking to new people, and creating actual bonds in this weird place. I find my tumblr friendships very nourishing, there’s so many interesting and absolutely incredible and hilarious people from different countries and backgrounds I’d never usually get to speak to and we already ALL HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON that’s mad 🤣 so many opportunities for shenanigans.

So I suppose just put yourself out there and say hello and don’t take yourself too seriously…what’s the worst that could happen 🥰 ps sorry if this sounds proper wanky and a bit long i didn’t think I’d be answering this kind of question like…ever

[gaypiratebrainrot]

Sorry for sending another ask, but apparently my brain is still not done with WFU. 

First, I saw that you mentioned on other asks that different people have very different takes about whether the story is rpf or not. It made me realize that for me, it's the most non-rpf and the most rpf fic for this pairing at the same time. On the one hand, like you and many others said, the name swap and the mixed characteristics distanced me, naturally, from the real people this story is about. But, on the other hand, this fic also represents real events and relationships from the real life of these people much more closely than others I've seen. It's the most 'canon compliant' rpf (sorry if I sound insane, I couldn't think of a better term to explain myself). Other fics, as you even mentioned in the fic itself, choose to deliberately fictionalize some of the details of their life, mainly to avoid the cheating.

And the second thing: I thought about it for some time and couldn't decide on an answer, so I'll ask: why did you tag it as dubious consent?

Thank you for your patience and all your thoughtful answers!

hi! never apologize for sending me asks about this fic, i will literally always be delighted to receive them!

yes, it's so fascinating to me, on the writing level, that the name swap sort of permitted me to use so many of the real life details i might have shied away from if i'd used their real names. it's been a great exercise for me in the line between fiction and reality--to paraphrase myself, "not a great stone wall but a vast and spectral shadowlands". ALL fiction takes from real life, and there is a vast spectrum of how much real life detail ends up in any given story. i think the rpf debate belongs to a bigger cultural discussion that includes stuff like true crime, or reality television, or auto-fiction, all of which ask questions about how we translate real life into stories, and the consequences of how those stories shape real life. i have no interest in drawing any lines in the sand about what's "okay" and what's not okay to write about, but i do love love love to get people asking those questions for themselves!

re: dubious consent--part of it was an over-abundance of caution. i knew people would be clicking on this fic because i wrote does the body good, which many, many people commented on as a super healthy depiction of consent. when i pick tags of a fic, part of my reasoning is, "what will i get wanky complaints about if i don't tag it," and i can imagine a reader interpretation of WFU that considers the consent depicted as dubious. the line i was most worried about is the bit right before the blow jobs begin where ed searches for the ability to say no and can't because stede is sucking on his fingers--if i'm explicitly saying a character wants (even just in part) to say no and can't, it's gettin the dubious tag regardless of my own opinions about whether or not that moment is dubious consent.

i also can envision an interpretation where stede's actions through the whole scene at ed's house could be seen as coercive. do i think that's the correct interpretation? no, but only because i don't really believe in correct interpretations. there's a bit of a game to tagging for the archive, especially with regards to consent, cause my definitions are not everyone's definitions, and ultimately, i don't want someone reading something they're not prepared for. i felt the consent was muddy enough for some people to consider it dubious, and i wanted to be sure those people get the heads up they need.

all that being said, many people have now commented that there is no dubious consent in the fic, so i've probably been overly cautious, but i like to play it safe rather than sorry on the archive :)

thank you again for sending more of your thoughts!! <3

[whump-town]

Ok hi idk if you’re taking request or just want to talk about ideas. BUT I thought of like reader getting injured and then being with Garcia when bau are on a case and like hotch calls to check up on her continuously and Penelope is just 🥺🥺🥺🥺

I have no clue how this work but I did my best so have a little mercy because I am very new to this:

Garcia hates it when her little babies get themselves into trouble and this time is no different. Mercifully, she does range from smothering to angered but right now, she’s out getting food for you both. Which, of course, couldn’t come easily. You had to have a very in-depth conversation about your schedule for painkillers and what food you have or haven’t eaten. Which is zero because it’s twelve at night and you’ve both just come from a round a table meeting.

And Hotch fucking grounded you. 

Asshole. 

A few busted-up ribs haven’t stopped anyone else! Why should you have to stay?

“--and I’ll get right back with you, suga’.” Garcia comes back into the room with a bag of bagels. She comes to a stuttering halt, frowning and glances at you out of the corner of her eye. “Well, sir,” she toys with her lips with her teeth, grimacing at whatever Hotch is saying. “I would, sir. I really would but-- yes, sir-- I would say very mad.”

That makes your cheeks hot, uncomfortably so, because you know they’re talking about you. Pushing your hair back out of your face, you end up lowering your head as you play with a stray strand of hair. It’s starting to get a little too long for your taste. Maybe you’ll get it cut.

“Sir, I can’t--” Garcia sighs and you know Hotch has won whatever little pouting contest he’s put on. “Fine,” Garcia caves. “Yeah, yeah--” you smile as Garcia rolls her eyes at Hotch’s sweet-talking. “You owe me,” she tells him but smiles and shakes her head again. “I will give it my best shot, sir.” She raises her hand and nods her head as he keeps talking. “Okay. Be safe. I love you, sir.”

Garcia shakes her head and tosses her earpiece onto the keyboard. 

“What did he say?” the worst part is that you can still feel how hot your cheeks are and it only gets worse as the question leaves your mouth. Stupid Aaron Hotchner and his stupid charming ways. Why does your boss have to be so damn hot? It’s… it’s pretty much a fantasy but also your worst nightmare.

Garcia ignores the question and sets out on her mission of making you eat. She wins brownie points for the black tea that she replaces your normal coffee with (it should be Hotch points considering he was the one that told her about your love for black tea). “One blueberry bagel with strawberry icing,” she says placing it in your lap. 

You start to remove the paper but there’s no way you’re going to be able to eat knowing that she’s talked to Hotch about you. “What did he say, Garcia?” The eye contact you make is just to break her and she doesn’t stand a chance against your commitment to finding out what was said. 

With a sigh that deflects her entire body she caves. Of course, she does, she loves you. 

“Fine,” she grumbles half-heartedly. She puts her bagel on her desk and stares at the ground for a moment, deciding exactly how she’s going to tell you what they talked about. It’s unnerving. “He was just…” she frowns. “He worries,” she says. “He worries way too much but he blames himself for what happened--”

What happened? It’s far from his fault that you couldn’t handle a simple undercover mission. Emily wouldn’t have blinked an eye. She wouldn’t have gotten beaten up, either. Even Reid does better undercover and he hates it. 

“He blames himself and he knew you were mad at him for making you stay home--”

“I didn’t need to!” you justify yourself hotly. Okay, a little over the top but still. He wouldn’t have made anyone else stay home.

Garcia raises a hand, stopping you from going any farther. Right, you breathe, you’ve already ranted to her about this. But he does always treat you differently. He didn’t even want to send in undercover but Emily had advocated for you and you couldn’t even do that right… so maybe he is right.

Maybe you’re not meant for this job.

“Woah,” Garcia waves a hand in front of your face and you have to swallow around the thick emotions swelling there. You open your mouth to divert her attention back to the subject at hand but she’s not having it. “What in the wanky world was that sweet cheeks?”

You shake your head… “Uhm--” no. That’s not what Hotch thinks. You know that. He thinks you’re capable. He thinks you’re smart. He thinks-- You’re phones ringing.

Fishing it out of your pocket, grimacing at the pull on your sore ribs. “Son of a bitch,” you mumble, flashing her the screen. It does seem pretty silly to be mad at him when his contact photo is that goofy picture on his I.D. badge. That thing hasn’t changed in years-- not that it should. 

You roll your eyes and accept the call. Of course, you don’t bring the level of sass you’re feeling into your answer, “sir.”

It’s hard to tell what’s going on but you can hear the low murmuring of the others in the background. It takes a moment but the noises die down and Hotch has managed to find somewhere quieter on the jet. The way he says your name is a simple, soft sigh. Relieved. “I hope you’re not too terribly mad with me.”

The worst part is that you aren’t. 

“It was unfair of me to ask you to stay back,” he whispers. “I apologize.”

You glance at Garcia-- she’s leaning back in her chair and watching the exchange out of the corner out of her ye. Giving you privacy without actually leaving or even pretending not to be eavesdropping.

“I was being a pain in the ass,” you reply. “Neither of us was being very helpful.”

He grunts and you know you’ve managed to pull a corner of his mouth into a smile.

“Besides, I can use all the reprieve I can get from Derek’s ugly mug.” Where Garcia makes a horrifying little noise, Hotch stifles a chuckle, and now you can’t help your own grin. 

It’s enough to make him keep calling. It feels like every freaking ten minutes but Garcia figures out the schedule pretty simply: each time he sends the others out to check a scene or visit the morgue. Each time he as a second for free time. 

“What can I do you for,” you grumble as you pinch the phone between your shoulder and chin.

His reply comes deadpanned, “I’m sorry? Are you busy?” 

Dumb question but you don’t point that out verbally. You roll your eyes and pull your attention from your laptop. You’d been sending Emily text updates about what you were finding out about the women. Garci’a system is complicated but with the teacher there to help, you found you’re actually pretty good at this deep web stuff. 

“No,” you push yourself back from the desk and wave to Garcia as she comes in.

Her jaw opens and she raises her eyebrows in surprise. “Again,” she mouths.

You nod. “You don’t have to keep calling,” you tell him, accepting the tea that Garcia hands you. “I am fine. Everything’s fine here.” 

He makes a sound and you realize that it’s two in the morning in Utah-- that’s still about four in the morning here in Virginia but you’d snagged a nap.

“I-uh,” his voice is rough. “I just…” a nightmare, you deduce. Why else would he be calling at two in the morning? The others are in bed, Morgan had sent you and Garcia to bed a few hours earlier. She’d taken the couch in her own office and you’d taken the one in Hotch’s office. Not that he needed to know that.

But this knowledge makes your throat tight. “Are you okay,” you ask.

He shakes his head but manages a rasped yes. 

“I bet you wish you’d let me come along now, huh?”

He does because if you’d come he could just knock on your hotel door and see you. “You’re safe in Virginia,” he says, starting to sound a bit more like himself. True but still. “I, uhm,” he clears his throat and you can hear how uncomfortable he suddenly is with his vulnerability. 

“Go get some sleep,” you interrupt.

He nods, “okay.”

You smile at your phone, at him. “And Hotch?”

“Hm?”

“When you get home I’m going to give you a hug, okay?”

He smiles, “okay.”

[mintjamsblog]

Hi! Could you do 7 and 26 for Tommy, as well as 18 for Alfie? I loved reading the 2 first ones you've posted :)

Hey, sorry this was so long coming!!!

7) already answered here.

26) Greatest extravagance Tommy allows himself.

Everything's an extravagance when you grew up on a hundred year old slum estate. And he indulges now in many things. Nice clothes, of course: tailored suits and cashmere socks and bamboo woven sportswear. He drives a nice car. Eats in good restaurants. But the one thing he really notices, in the wintertime at least, is warmth. These days he puts the heating on. Turns the thermostat up high. Wanders round barefoot on the under-heated floors and makes the house so hot he only needs to wear a t-shirt. Because he can. Because now he doesn't have to go to bed cold or find coins for the electric meter or wear every jumper he owns at once just to keep out the draft. And it is an extravagance, he knows that, but it helps to ward off the cold that sometimes creeps up his back for no reason. That taps on his shoulder at night. At least now he knows it's all in his head, it must be, 'cause he turned the thermostat up, didn't he? And he can pay the fucking bill.

18) First thing Alfie notices about someone.

Their energy. He has a very instinctual reaction to someone's overall presence. Whether they're positive or negative, put energy into a space or suck it out. Which might all sound a bit wanky but is, in actual fact, very simple. Dogs do it all the time, make snap judgements based on a person's overall vibe. And if it's good enough for dogs, it's good enough for Alfie.

It's not foolproof, right. If it were foolproof then he'd have kicked Chester Campbell into touch at that first fuckin' meeting, wouldn't he? But the thing is, he was so distracted by Tommy's energy (the sheer force of will with which he was repressing it more than anything) that he missed the signs with Cambell. But watching Tommy was like watching a fuckin' pylon, weren't it? He was rigid and rooted to the spot, but buzzing with so much power it threatened to arc out and fry him if he touched it wrong). So yeah. Energy. And even dogs get that wrong sometimes.

[grayintogreen]

I was not technically tagged, but at least two people on my dash were like DO WHAT YOU WANT NO ONE IS YOUR GOD, and you know what? They’re right and valid. 

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

96! And 90% of them are from just this year. Can’t wait to find out what the big 100 is gonna be. Any one of my WIPS could be Disney’s next 100th fic.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

455,024 (also mostly from this year...)

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

In my entire life??? Since I was twelve??? I don’t even know, man. I wrote a lot of ooc crackfic and fic for cartoons when I was on FF.net, and then I was on LJ and wrote for a TON of different fandoms, but on AO3, I have written for Critical Role (so much CR), Yashahime/Inuyasha, Guardians of the Galaxy, His Dark Materials (TV), Steven Universe, Bleach, Alias, Supernatural, Dollhouse, Pushing Daisies (the last four were all transferred here from LJ, though)

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

- turning wine back into water (Critical Role, de-aging fic with plot, 30457 words)

I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE HOW POPULAR THIS FIC IS. It beat out two of my super popular GotG fics that have been up since 2017 BY A LOT. Apparently, there was a market for the Mighty Nein being adorable cocktail brats and saving the world. Thanks, Liam’s Quest!

It is probably one of the most wholesome fics I will ever write too. I love it.

- Sunshine Came Softly (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket and Mantis friendship, 3188 words)

THIS FIC STILL GETS HITS EVEN TODAY. It was written right after I saw the movie so it hit hard and fast on the hype train. 

- Mine Is Just a Slower Sacrifice (Guardians of the Galaxy, Rocket-centric, 2248 words)

BOY YOU CAN TELL THESE FICS ARE ANCIENT BECAUSE I HADN’T DEVELOPED MY TITLE NICHE YET. where are the lower caps and Seanan McGuire lyrics!!

Anyway, this was written probably IMMEDIATELY after I saw the movie and had to process Rocket’s emotions during the last moments, because of who I am as a person. For what’s mostly a character study, it got some mileage on it.

- they drink dreamers up like brandy (Critical Role, 1625 words)

Back to Critical Role! I wrote this one when I was in a fucking blind post-finale haze and producing massive amounts of Kingsley content and I wanted to write a silly fic about Caleb being tiefling catnip. 

- if adversity breeds character (we’ve character enough for two) (Critical Role, Beau and Molly-centric, 1824 words)

I feel like most of my most kudos-ed CR fics are Beau-related, which is funny because I never really wrote her EVER. I guess I need to write her more often. ANYWAY, this one got jossed immediately after 141, but I needed to write Beau and Molly bantering and I couldn’t get her flipping him off after revealing her card is Rumor out of my head.

(Incidentally my sixth most kudos-ed fic is my Fjorester next gen fic, WHICH I WAS NOT EXPECTING AT ALL. IT’S A FIC BASED ON MY OC FANCHILDREN!! I’M VERY EMOTIONAL ABOUT THAT!!)

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Usually!! There are times when I forget and then it’s been so long that I never go back, but I like responding to comments. They make me so happy and I want to make sure the people who take the time to comment know that I see them and appreciate them. Especially if they give me long comments. You long commenters know who you are and I value you and also flail incoherently in your direction.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

God, probably this church takes no conversions simply because, like, the whole ending scenes are MISERABLE AND FULL OF ANGST and then it has the hopeful ending that is actually a bullshit lie.

But second place probably goes to what couldn’t i offer, what couldn’t i give, which is just misery porn in disguise as a character study. Sorry, Cree.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Okay, so back in the day when I was a tineh fanbrat I wrote a lot of self-indulgent crossovers featuring my friends and I in true Mary Sue format being ~saviors of the world~ alongside our favorite fictional characters and after I grew out of that, I very rarely did it again, because as someone who can only write AUs if they’re high concept and can only write crossovers if the canon welding is pristine, it’s difficult.

I have ideas for some! I just haven’t written them yet. Or they’re sitting in Google Docs partially written.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not to my recollection, which is insane, because I’ve written some things in my youth that deserved it, but also I was a kid, so maybe I definitely did not deserve it. Don’t send hate to kids!!

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

The first smut I ever posted on AO3 involved some fucking American Gods flesh horror shit, so that answers your second question.

Basically, yes, but I write smut to facilitate character development in a way that regular story beats can’t, mainly with characters who are in some way deeply fucked up and have unbalanced dynamics. 

So basically chances of me writing smut that isn’t Creecien or Lucigast? Very low. (I haven’t written Lucigast smut yet but I will. Inevitably.)

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that anyone’s told me, but one time when I was a teenager someone ripped off an entire group messageboard RP I was in and tried to pass it off as a fic they wrote.

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that anyone’s told me!

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I tried and it did not work out, because of (non-wanky) reasons, but it’s just not something I’d be very good at. I was the kid who wanted to work alone on group projects. I’m bad at group work.

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

That I’ve WRITTEN??? Because that at least narrows it down significantly. Sesshoumaru/Rin hands down. It’s a good dynamic and they’re fun and sad at the same time. 

My self-indulgent ass does also enjoy writing Creecien though. I’m putting it out there because I want it.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

GOD POOR SUPERNOVAS OF ALL SOUND AND LIGHT. THAT FIC COULD’VE BEEN A CONTENDER, but I unfortunately posted it RIGHT BEFORE the White Diamond episodes aired and it became so jossed by canon so fast that I gave up on life with chapter two half finished. I need to delete it but I can’t bring myself to bury my shame.

15) What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue and meta-narrative and character-specific stuff. I go into every story with CHARACTER FIRST mentality, which is how I end up writing so many damn character studies or why my word counts explode. I’m just out here naval gazing because I love character stuff SO MUCH.

I’ve been told I’m good at fight/action scenes too, which... Shocks me, but I think watching and playing a lot of D&D stuff has really improved how I write fighting and action sequences.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

[whispers] too much naval gaze. dial it back, bitch. 

I get really caught up in character stuff and forget to do important things like ADVANCE THE SCENE OR DESCRIBE THE SCENE OR LITERALLY ANYTHING. I also don’t think my prose is all that great, but I’m pretty sure every writer feels that imposter syndrome bullshit, so /waves hands. All I’m saying is I have seen some writers on AO3 who are writing some fucking vivid imagery and stringing flawless sentences together and weaving introspection and description together like beautiful baskets and they are stronger than any US Marine and I salute them and wish to be them.

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Iiii try not to. There’s times where I want to throw in, like, a little Zemnian for Caleb flair, but I try to stick to things that are either untranslatable (like German compound words), common phrases (like please or come here), or insults/curses/ pet names. Things that I don’t think Google will fucking lie to me about.

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I think it was a Sailor Moon crackfic about Haruka being forced to enter a beauty pageant which was just a blatant rip-off of Ms Congeniality and oh my god was it awful. I don’t even wanna talk about it.

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this church takes no conversions, probably BECAUSE it’s my little red-headed stepchild of a fic involving so many things that are just never going to make it popular (backstory fic, fic that is almost 85% headcanon, doesn’t involve popular characters, etc.), but godDAMMIT I love that fic so much. It was fun and I use every bit of that headcanon in almost everything like it’s my job.

shattered stage is a close second, because it was such a crazy concept for a fic that I PULLED OFF SOMEHOW and is this wonderful mix of crazy plot and character and lore and my three favorite tieflings having to work together. And also Jayne Merriweather as the main villain. 

A lot of love went into both of those fics and they are my babies. this time next year we’ll see if I add Creedemption and shoot at fate to this list- probably. All of my epic long fics resolve to be my babies because I spent so much time on them, and I have to love them and cherish them because I raised them into gigantic wordy attempts to write a doorstopper.

[bisluthq]

Wanky lyrics anon here,

No lyrics interpretation here, but I saw conversation about TPAB, 1989, and Taylor's influence and wanted to contribute. (Sorry for the long ask haha)

I'm in the probably not very controversial group, but maybe among swifties, that TPAB definitely deserved to win AOTY, and saw someone say that's not the case as they don't think Kendrick is very influential. My opinion here is that the influence in the case of TPAB doesn't matter, as TPAB is basically "The History of Black Music: The Album" but giving it a modern twist. Which is basically what Daft Punk did with Random Access Memories, which was basically "The History of Dance Music: The Album." And both artists featured legends of their respective genres to pay tribute to that history: George Clinton and Ronald Isley on TPAB, and Georgio Morodor and Nile Rogers on RAM. Both albums have had little influence on how modern music sounds, but the serve as masterclasses of genre, engineering, and how to construct on album. Which is what is supposed to matter with the awards: how good is the end product.

As for Taylors influence, my controversial take, is that musically, Taylor hasn't really been that influential on pop music. I can hear her influence in country, though I don't know how much of that is just country music being country music, but I hear a lot of old Taylor in a bunch of up and coming female country singers.

There are people like Camila, Shawn, and Halsey who say how Taylor influences them, but I don't hear it in their songs. Though I do in Olivia Rodrigo, so the tides may be changing in that regard.

Taylors influence lies in the meta of the music industry. She made it cool to be a Singer-songwriter, she's the reason all artists suddenly started showing off their writing credits. The whole thing about artists being "authentic" seems from her. This is what makes it difficult to point at an album like 1989 and say it deserves whatever and that's its influential (I'd argue against 1989 being influential, but that's more because I don't like it haha), because with Taylor it's never really been important WHAT she makes, it's the fact that SHE'S the one making it, and how SHE'S grown/switched genres that's considered a big deal. Which is why I think Folklore will win AOTY, as I see it kind of like a TPAB/RAM of alternative/folk/country type music... kind of-ish.

Taylors closest comparisons for meta influence are Kany and Drake.

Kanye, because he was the one that made it cool to be the rapper that produces his own songs. Every rapper wanted to be a producer/have production credits after Kanye came on the scene. Before him, the only producer rapper that I can think of was RZA, and he wasn't even the most famous out of Wu-Tang. Still the popularity in the group went to pure rappers Method Man and Raekwon. Musically, the moody 808 emo rap stuff came from Kid Cudi. He was a major influence of 808's and Heartbreaks, and it's this sound that rappers still copy. Kanye's style was flipping old soul samples which no one really does anymore.

And the Drake comparison, because both Taylor and he have massively influenced the business side of the music business, though in different way. Drake has optimised his music for making money in the streaming age. His newer stuff having long tracklists, but short run times meaning it can be streamed more times a day than if the songs were longer is having a massive knock on affect. Ariana's newest album for example only having 4 out of 14 songs being longer that 3 minutes shows this trend (tiktok plays a role here too). They exploit the system that is in place to make as much money as they can and people copy them, whereas Taylor tries to change the system that's in place via her deals with Spotify, Apple music, her record label for example to try and alter how much people get paid. (Which I find kind of funny given the conversations here around her supporting Kamala etc. Haha)

But yeah, rambley take that I'm sure I've maybe got something wrong in here, but yeah :)

Wanky anon you’re genuinely one of a very small circle of men I genuinely like because even when I don’t agree with you - I don’t really disagree on this take but I have before - I’ve been like “ya I hear it”

[20xbetterthanu]

CHAPTER ELEVEN

friends in low places by @esperantoauthor

blaine becoming a RENT stan is everything to me

and ive never seen rent (oops)

AZIMIO I WILL CUT YOUR EYEBALLS OUT

aw yay klaine content even if its azimios fault 

AZIMIO DONT STEAL HIS SHIT YOU BITCH

and then throw it away what the fuck

dumpster diving with your one true love we love to see it

blaine blaine blaine no don't pick up the dumpster bra you don’t know who’s boobs those have been on

why was the bra in the dumpster at school

i will beat a bad teacher’s ass or at least make them quit the next year (i’ve done this to 4 teachers i’m sorry Ms.Hatcliff, Dr.Shiota, and Ms. Stone—i was mean. Mr.Clark you can kiss my ass your homophobic transphobic creepy ass i’m glad you quit.) especially if they take a kid with a learning disability and fuck them over like what do you think your job is bitch

how many times do i have to threaten to murder azimio

“Kurt, honey, are you into exhibitionism? Sounds like the boys want us to put on a show? I don’t know if it’s really my thing but I’m game if you want to.”

wanky

sarah—sarah go away these are horrible people 

YAY THEY FOUND THE BINDER

[benditlikepress]

today on “jess talks for 3 hours about a scene that aired a decade ago” i would like to talk about the bathroom scene in reunion

we all know it’s is iconic but can we talk specifically about the ACTING and CAMERAWORK

it's mainly about Tony because while Ziva is leading the conversation and being really brave and open, accepting her wrongdoing and making admissions about how she sees the world, Tony is the one leading the scene through his complex reactions and body language in response to what she says. the conflict he shows is incredible

the use of the mirror as a barrier between them and a way to reflect what Tony is thinking!! it's artistry!!

Much rambling below >>

I watched ncis in real time from season 5. The Aliyah/TorC arc though is what made me fall in love with the show. I remember I skipped school to watch TorC when it came out. It’s this arc that for me separates NCIS from other similar crime/procedural shows. Not to sound wanky, but I think the way it was portrayed is pretty unique to this genre. The emotions are so real, everything is so intense and visceral. I can't explain why (for example) Tony and Ziva's confrontation in Israel in Aliyah feels so raw and different to anything else I've watched on tv, but it does. This storyline rests upon a couple of fantastically portrayed scenes between the two of them (the 'are you jealous' scene in Legend, the Aliyah confrontation, the reunion in TorC). And this scene I'm about to go into is another great example. It's the feeling that gets portrayed, how visceral it is, that made this arc outstanding.

The most interesting thing about this scene to me is how, after the nutter butter staring in the bullpen, Tony can barely look at Ziva. It’s (presumably) the first time they’ve been properly alone since the confrontation in Aliyah, and he is cornered. It’s like he knows there’s no escape - she has followed him determined to talk about what they have been very strictly ~Not Talking About~, and he isn’t sure what she’s going to say. Several times he turns his head towards her, but his eyes never actually reach her until near the end of the scene. He’s awkward, and uncomfortable, and very un-Tony.

This starts when he first realises Ziva is behind him. They begin to talk and like I said, while he looks over his shoulder a few times, he doesn’t actually look at her.

As he walks over to the sink, he gives her the briefest of glances before again looking away.

Ziva seems to notice his reluctance, because before she starts to talk she looks at him twice as though for reassurance.

This is something Ziva does with Tony quite often - the most notable examples that come to mind are in Kill Ari, before she tells him about Tali, and in A Desperate Man, when Tony tells her she’ll “find somebody someday”. It’s what she does when she’s trying to gauge Tony’s emotions and how he is going to react to something.  

The early tone of the conversation is just that - conversational, though there is a little barb behind it particularly when Ziva points out that Tony was violating protocol. A few times Tony turns to look at her, but he never actually meets her eyes (one time he flicks water at her, another he turns to her but looks downwards). The way he almost can’t help himself but interrupt her here is another sign of him avoiding confronting this issue - he’s making comments about “I wasn’t standing” and “double-parked” to avoid Ziva getting to the point she’s arriving at 

The use of the mirror throughout this scene is fantastic. We get one of them in the foreground but can still see the reactions of the other - it shows the disconnect between them at this point, how they are basically in two different realms. Very reminiscent of in Aliyah when Ziva looks at the reflection in the door and sees Tony approaching her before they have their argument. 

While Ziva is still talking, Tony braces his arms on the sink like he’s bracing himself for the conversation. He is still avoiding looking at her. His face here is the most telling thing about this whole scene. He looks really hurt and shut-off, when have we ever seen Tony look like he does here? He’s not only not looking at her but it’s like he’s physically forcing himself not to. I think this is most interesting because even though this is essentially the end of the arc, throughout this whole Rivkin storyline this moment is the first time we actually get a real first-hand insight into Tony’s feelings surrounding Ziva (+ Rivkin and Eli) accusing him of doing what he did out of jealousy. It’s the first time we get a proper view into how much it hurt him. 

Ziva says it doesn’t matter what happened to Michael and Tony says in a whisper “so what does”. We know by now that that is the voice Tony uses when he’s hurt - like he can’t say it out loud so he whispers it (see also: “we must have different interpretations”)

Ziva puts her arm inbetween his and moves her head to try to force him to look. The whole time she is seeking his gaze. She can sense he is avoiding her eyeline - and thus avoiding the conversation, but she needs to get these words out. “That you had my back. That you have always had my back. And that I was... wrong, to question your motives.”

The good stuff!!!

 the camerawork here uggghhhh. Tony comes into focus staring at her through the mirror after she says this line - her admission of wrongdoing after so many months. This is halfway through the scene and yet is the first time he actually looks at her face, can look her in the eye, though there is still a literal barrier between them. He seems almost incredulous. Looks away from her again, almost immediately. He wants to listen but it’s like he’s fighting with himself - as though he thinks that if he looks at her he’s not going to be able to stay strong and get his answer like he clearly wanted to. Still whispering, "so why did you?”

Tony’s reaction when Ziva says Ari’s name is the moment his defences crumble. He immediately exhales and looks down - he wasn’t expecting her to be open like that. It’s almost like it takes the wind out of his sails. Though she did it in a conversational way, Ziva has been brutally honest about the pedestal she placed Tony on and why she couldn’t bear to put her trust in him in case she lost him or was betrayed by him like so many other important people in her life.

After Ziva's admission, Tony’s demeanour completely changes. He opens up. The slight smile, then he turns to her. His voice is back to normal now, no more of that hurt whisper, and there’s a little hint of a tease in it. Him turning towards her is the equivalent of an olive branch. “I thought you weren’t sure what to say” is a very veiled way of him confirming that what she said was what he needed to hear. 

Ziva looks hopeful when Tony turns around, but also kind of looks like she might be about to cry. She still has no read on the situation. Just like us, she’s never seen Tony how he was in this scene - so determined not to engage, so closed off from her. Tony looks at her for a while, trying to find the right thing to say, and in the end apologises. (fwiw I think Tony was right to say sorry even if he ultimately did the right thing with regards to Rivkin)

Ziva immediately shoots it down. She can see that Tony is allowing for bridges to be rebuilt, but to do that she has to say her piece and get everything off her chest.

When Ziva approaches him to kiss his cheek, Tony is immediately stoic again. Still doesn’t want her to see what he’s thinking, still allowing her to do/say what she needs to after the beginning of the scene when he was interrupting and being kind of churlish to put her off. The way he doesn't look at her or react in any way when she kisses him or tries to catch his eye when she pulls back is just incredible. WHY ARE THEY THE WORST?

The end of this scene is so interesting. Ziva says something that triggers Tony’s thoughts about the case, and he seeks out her touch. He grabs her face and glances at her lips when he calls her a genius, and it’s like subconsciously he’s acknowledging that there is still something between them. It seems like nothing, like a throwaway connection to the next scene, but I honestly think it’s really important to their relationship going forward. It’s basically the reassurance Ziva needs that, if nothing else, she and Tony can still work together. Even after the hurt and the betrayal and the being-held-prisoner, he still can’t help but reach out to her.

anyway in summary i love this scene

[duchessofostergotlands]

The amount of discourse a pink suit can create in this fandom from people unable to fact check their claims is astonishing. Running a blog is something anyone can do. But they MUST make it clear if and when they’re exaggerating or extrapolating - they have a responsibility to know their shit before they purport to answer questions. Jess, I’m glad you’re here every bloody day. I’m sorry if you think this is too shady (if it helps, I don’t think you know these blogs) I just think it’s unethical.

I haven’t seen any, thankfully. I must be following good people haha. I appreciate that, you’re a sweet heart :) It’s a weird thing. This will sound incredibly wanky but I remember a couple of years back seeing something I’d said being quoted to one of those people in the fandom as evidence of some point they were making, without mentioning me specifically. And it was really weird to see that even though it’s a very very tiny influence in a very niche pocket of the internet, there are people who listen to what I say and there’s a huge amount of responsibility to that. I think I’m pretty free to say what I want to say, I will always have limitations on what I can do in terms of checking the blogs who follow or reblog me or whatever, I don’t have the resources of someone who does this for a living! But there are some things I have to be careful about, especially in terms of mental health. I want to show the reality of living with mental illness without encouraging any irresponsible behaviours. That was a bit of a ramble but I think it’s a weird situation to balance when people listen to what you say but you’re not doing it as a career or getting paid for it. It’s just weird