#sorry if this is out of left field lol this is just related to a big subject of interest of mine

[gaywarcriminals]

How prevalent are hetswaps in the Scum Villain fandom?

Aka, Fish spent time counting things by hand and refuses to let it go to waste

As there are over 20,000 fics in the SVSSS tag on AO3, I decided to just stick to bingqiu. At time of writing, there are 6961 bingqiu fics. 261 have been tagged M/F. After realizing that the vast majority of the cross-overs did not prevalently feature bingqiu, I excluded those from the search, leaving 145. I could have missed a few fics because of that. Additionally, I had to rely on google translate to categorize fics in other languages, so that's another point of in possible inaccuracy in my methodology. Because everyone uses different tags to denote hetswaps, I just went through and counted + categorized the remaining 145 by hand. Oh, also, I included transfemmine non-binary iterations of the characters because are there any trans SQQs who aren'y genderweird. The results:

Cis woman SQQ - 10 Transfemme or nonbinary SQQ - 8 Cis woman Binghe - 10 Transfemme or nonbinary Binghe - 1

29 total, or 0.00417% of all bingqiu fics on AO3 are hetswaps.

9 of these are obviously not cishet, and although I did not make a datapoint for it, it's worth nothing that many of these fics allude to characters being bisexual, or otherwise attracted to Binghe/SQQ respectively regardless of gender. Less than 0.00287% of bingqiu fics depict a cishet relationship.

Edit: I realized that excluding crossovers also excluded fics tagged with both SVSSS and scumbag system, so I went back to double check those: of the 19 new works, there is one hetswapped bingqiu (of the transfemme binghe variety), bringing the new percentage up to 0.00431%.

[cup-o-stars]

Relativity Falls Lore Concept- The Oracle and Bill

The Oracle:

I was initially inspired by the Twitter user @SUwu159's depiction of the Oracle in their take on Relativity Falls, and made my own adaptation as I learned about her in canon.

(Assume she can change colors because I couldn't pick what I liked most)

This version of The Oracle isn't malicious per se, and does not desire the same conquest or chaos sought out by Bill. But she likes universes to be organized and quaint (or answers to another high power that demands it), and finds fulfillment in achieving these goals through any means necessary.

The Oracle and Dipper:

(Sorry if this dialogue tastes like a corndog in your mouth. I just needed to write a semi-resolution to Dipper's side of the relationship, ha.)

Getting into the real struggle with the Pines family. Dipper and Mabel don't fight and hold grudges like the Stans (that we've seen of), so my opinion is that they drifted apart in their late teens and twenties, both feeling pressured to be less attached at the hip. My current belief (though I'm very willing to rewrite this section) is that Mabel and Dipper both poured a lot of energy into pretty niche fields, and being very busy meant very short and rare windows to reach out. Both assumed the other was doing bigger and better things and felt self conscious / childish for wanting eachother's company.

I'm still considering Mabel's backstory, since I think she probably hit lower points than Dipper. You know. Starving artist, lol. But Dipper entered into paranormal investigation, pest control, etc. before his ghost + monster catching went far enough for his name to gain some notoriety. Hell, maybe Pacifica's family reached out to him to take care of "rats" that were actually ghosts, cementing his interest in Gravity Falls and giving him a window inter supernatural work.

Dipper was taken on as something of an apprentice to the Oracle 30ish years before canon as word of his good and dangerous deeds spread. However, what was at first a personal dream come true (saving lives with nerd magic) soon became a personal hell as the Oracle began to overwhelm Dipper with knowledge of various futures and universes where everything he cared about could be destroyed. He's always been over prepared and incredibly paranoid, and became obsessed with protecting the world by acting as a partner to the Oracle.

He ends up doing- or not doing- a lot of morally ambiguous things and gaining a lot of enemies. He is too ashamed to face his family- especially Mabel- with what he's done and burden them, giving the Oracle more to use against him to keep him working for her. Basically "you've already done all this and risked it all, there's nowhere to go if you stop now." Eventually this ends in her seeing him fit for her work and convincing him to hide out in and save other universes, which he gets trapped doing for the next three decades.

Little throw away idea: Pacifica could have been an investor or partner, but left as they uncovered secrets about the Northwest family. Maybe she wanted to undo something (debating making any of the Oracle's powers time related just because I hate time travel) or stop a current show of corruption, but Dipper had to stop her for the "greater good."

In the main universe, Mabel goes to Gravity Falls upon news of her brother's disappearance, searching for any loose end to trace back to him.

I love that in canon, Dipper is willing to do anything for Mabel, and Mabel gives it back. Dipper here spends all of his life keeping as many versions of her as safe as he can, and she spends all her life trying go seek him out- maybe even dropping a larger opportunity outside of Gravity Falls for her art and settling on business at the shack. Dipper wants Mabel alive, Mabel wants them both happy. I like the idea that it's Dipper and Mable vs. The Future but the future is a demon, alien thing.

Which leads me to...

Bill Cipher:

I'm actually gonna cover a couple versions of Bill I think are fitting for this AU, because I initially wasn't sure if I wanted him here at all.

Child Bill:

Pretty straight forward. Bill as a baby, child thing is tempting and this is the au where he'd exist. Personally though, I think Ford's friendship with Fidds would be more enriching to his growth, and Bill's personality is so close to Stan's they would likely be competing to fill very similiar roles. (If Bill behaves differenty as kid, I don't know about it.) Honestly, Bill is super similiar to Ford and Stan, and works better as a kind of foil or antagonist because of that (imo). I do find the mental image of Ford carrying Bill around funny. I do not enjoy human bill like, conceptually, so I'm probably never gonna design one as an adult or child, lol.

It would be cool to see a world where Bill didn't accidentally kill his parents though.

Bill - Reincarnated Original

Technically I guess they could all be reincarneted (especially baby Bill), but this version of Bill experienced and holds memories of the original canon events in GF. Beings like Bill and the Oracle can remember recent/soon approaching lives, and catch glimpses of more distant cycles as well.

What I like about Bill's recent role as an antagonist to Ford and Stan is that he constantly describes them in the terms of their worst traits, and sees them through the lens of the roles the world placed on them. In this AU, Bill is the epitome of the past (in this case a past life) coming back to bite the twins. He rattles their progress in communication as well as their sense of inner peace by bringing old Glass Shard Beach issues into Gravity Falls.

(Depicted here-> moments after Ford summons Bill using the same ritual as Gideon.)

The drawback to this is that it feels a lot like covering old ground.

Simply Bill:

This is pretty much just regular old Bill with the same fresh perspective as everyone else, and also the one I'm going with. He tried and failed to get Dipper's trust in the past and had to lay low at the arrival of the Oracle. Once they left, Bill targeted Mabel. I think it could be very interesting for Mabel and Bill to either have a fresh relationship wherein Bill is actively taking advantage of her desperation to find Dipper, or for Bill to be an old betrayal (not romantic, but not dissimilar to the opportunistic exes Stan and Ford have to be wary of and beat back under the rug regardless).

Either he shows himself to Mable early on, or decides that Gravity Falls is both Oracle-free and worth the time after either Ford or Mable summon him. Afterall, 30 years isn't much to him.

Maybe he exists in the background like he's always done, or the kids (being snoopy and disrespectful of Mabel's secrets) discover what Mabel's doing and run into him on their own.

Whether Bill is aware of the original series or not, I think he could be neat to stick in between Stan and Ford again for conflict. My favorite aspect about Relativity Falls is the prospects of the Stans having a larger support system and better tools to help themselves with. Beating Bill faster and better would be the ultimate testament to Mabel and Dipper's skills as functioning role models, even if Mabel is currently blinded by her focus on Dipper.

Stan and Ford will fight and they will make up, but this time maybe they can overcome it on their own.

I also think a good idea is having Ford and Stan's issues be completely Bill free (outside of like an episode or two's worth of relevance, unless he put them into a particularly stinging situation). It would feel fresher and also streamline the plot, lol.

Overview:

- Dipper is stuck travelling the multiverse with the Oracle and keeps himself sane by thinking of Mabel and protecting various versions of her.

- Mabel is investigating his disappearance in Gravity Falls and is working on a portal/portal equivalent with Bill to bring him back.

- The kids may or may not be aware of this.

Looking at the main series of events, I think it'd be neat go back to the apprenticeship conflict, where Ford could be approached by the Oracle (or something else that makes sense) with the promise of being a "hero," but knows better now because of Dipper and his experiences with Bill. It's kind of a more convoluted version of Ford's proposal to Dipper in canon, and they basically learn the same thing, lol. You can hang out with ghosts if you want, but demons are gonna get you. Maybe being a child with siblings is all you need.

(Stan could also be offered this, given the Oracle already knew he- or at least someone with his face- would beat Bill, but I think it's well established he isn't very interested in doing anything without family.)

All in all, things might be a bit crowded with two antagonists. But I do like the concept of Bill's arrival and subsequent chaos triggering Dipper and the Oracle's return to Mabel's dimension. I also love the idea of Bill, the Oracle, and some secret third thing all trying to pull the Pines family apart, and it's like a Man vs. God turned into a Family vs. Destiny thing, idk. Just trying to make it feel bigger.

Thank you for reading all this. It was a lot to draw. Next time I do anything for Relativity Falls, I'm gonna go back to the smaller things like Mabel bonding with the kids and stuff like that.

[juniperskye]

I choose you.

Sneak peek: After a one-night stand, you find yourself pregnant. You choose to take some time off to get your life in order (aka ready for a baby), when Hotch stops by to make sure you’re okay. You confide in him and after a late night of talking, and months of mutual pining, Hotch offers to help you raise the baby. With this newfound dynamic, how will Hotch handle you working in the field? How will your lives change?

Aaron Hotchner x (Fem) Reader

Fluff/Angst

Word count: 7599 (OMFG sorry)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN - not edited I've been working on this for so long...I did my best- please be kind. Requests are open and feedback is welcome if it's constructive!

Warnings: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!! My blog is 18+, minors DNI, implied age gap (kinda?), secret relationship, mention of period and menstrual cycle, mention of doctors and hospitals, mention of typical pregnancy related care, secret pregnancy, mention of pregnancy, Hotch being a little smothering lol, mentions of canon typical violence, some language, team members meddling, mention of Jack, no mention of Hailey (she just doesn’t exist in this – Hotch  has always been a single dad), no use of y/n. I think that’s all, let me know if I missed any!

I do not consent to having my work translated or reposted to any other site. That being said I do not own the characters portrayed in this story.

“Hey, you’re looking a little green there sugar.” Morgan said, gently nudging your elbow.

“Yeah girl, keep it to your side!” Emily laughed, pushing your file further onto your desk.

“Alright, if I was contagious, don’t you think you’d all be sick by now? It has to be from something I ate…I guess it’s time to clean out the fridge.” Shaking your head you got back to work.

“You know the most common causes of nausea and vomiting are infections (like the stomach flu), food poisoning, motion sickness, pregnancy, and migraines. We can rule out the stomach flu given that none of us have gotten sick, and motion sickness since we haven’t travelled in a few days. I’d say food poisoning seems most likely, and it should pass soon given that it typically lasts anywhere from 12-48 hours.” Spencer rattled off.

“Thanks Spence.” You smiled.

Your mind began spiraling, this little bout of vomiting had been going on for far longer than 48 hours. Was it possible something at home was contaminated and you’d had “never-ending” food poisoning? You thought about the other conditions Spencer had mentioned, no to the stomach flu, no to motion sickness, probably not food poisoning. You had migraines, but definitely weren’t currently suffering from a spell…so that left. Nope. No way.

Could it be possible? When was your last period? Shit. You pulled out your phone and opened the Flo app and your last charted period was…EIGHT WEEKS AGO. What the fuck? How had you missed that?  After pondering for a few minutes, you realized that around that time, the team had a particularly tough case where children were being kidnapped from malls in Alabama. The case had a happy ending, but it had taken seven days for you to catch the guy.  You had chalked up the missed cycle to stress – it happened sometimes.

After excusing yourself, you made your way to the bathroom. While in the bathroom, you made two calls, one to your primary care physician, and then one to the OBGYN that they referred you to. Thankfully (pure luck truly) they had an opening tomorrow morning.

You quickly made your way to Hotch’s office to see if he would allow you to come in late tomorrow. He was usually understanding about these things since you guys really have to take any doctor’s appointments you can get with your ridiculous schedule.

You knocked on the door frame softly, taking note of his nod, granting permission to enter. You walked cautiously to his desk, trying to work out the phrasing of this request in your head.

“I can hear the gears turning in your head, what’s going on?” Hotch questioned.

“Sorry Hotch, I uh, I just have a quick question for you.” You began. “You see, I haven’t been feeling great the last few days, so I called my doctor, and they can squeeze me in tomorrow first thing. Would it be possible for me to come in late so I can make that appointment?”

“Is that all? Of course, just come in when you can.” He finally met your gaze, offering a subtle smile.

**8 weeks pregnant**

You sat, bare legs causing the sterile paper beneath you to crinkle, the noise seemed to echo in the otherwise silent room. You had left a urine sample when you first arrived at the office, and they had just taken a blood sample. The nurse had asked you a million questions and you had to fill out nearly 20 different forms.

“Alright, so the urine test came back as positive for pregnancy.” The doctor informed you.

“Wow, um okay. So, what are the next steps?”

“Well, we are going to send your blood in to check your HCG levels amongst other things, that will give us a pretty good estimate as to how far along you are. We will give you a call when those results come in. I am going to send you home with some literature on what foods, medication, drinks, over all activities to avoid as well as some recommendations for prenatal vitamins and a prescription for some anti-nausea medication. There is also a card in there with the triage number in case of an emergency. So, what questions do you have for me?” The doctor concluded.

“I uh, when will I need to come back in? Also, I am a field agent with the FBI, I guess I’ll probably need a doctor’s note as proof of pregnancy, and then one later down the line I suppose, excusing me from duty.” You inquired.

“Once we get your HCG levels and can get a better idea of how far along you are, we will give you that call and then we will schedule your next appointment. Based on your last cycle, we will probably have you come back pretty soon for a transvaginal ultrasound and then your following appointment would be around your 12-week mark. As for work, I can get you that document now and then yes, as your pregnancy progresses we will discuss changes that will have to be made at work. Did you need a note for today?” She answered.

“Okay, that sounds good. And yeah, a note for today would be great. Thank you.”

Thoughts were racing through your head, the things you’d have to buy, getting your apartment prepared, telling the father (what was his name again…Michael? Brady? You’d have to figure that one out), telling your boss and the team, the changes to your body? Oh god, what have you gotten yourself into?

The second you stepped off the elevator your stomach twisted, and you darted to the bathroom. After emptying the contents of your stomach, you rinsed your mouth out and made your leave. What you weren’t expecting was Hotch on the other side of the door.

“Oh, sorry Hotch.”

“No need to apologize, I just wanted to see that you were alright. JJ let me know she saw you running in here.” He explained.

“I-I’m not feeling too great honestly. Do you think, maybe, I could head home for the day?” you queried.

“I think that is a good idea, you should get some rest. You know, you have a bunch of time off saved up – I’m not telling you to use it, but if you wanted to, it’s there. Do you need a ride home?” He asked.

“No, I think I’m okay. And I also think I am going to take you up on that suggestion. Do you think I could take like the next four days?”

“Absolutely, I’ll submit your time. You head home and get some rest. I’ll let Garcia know, that way she won’t call you if a case comes in.” He said.

“Thanks Hotch.”

“You’re welcome. Do me a favor, let me know when you get home safe.” He requested.

**9 weeks pregnant**

The next four days passed by in a blur, you had read through all the information the OBGYN sent you home with, you’d gone and picked up your medications from the pharmacy, cleaned your house, went grocery shopping, and you gotten your results back from the doctor. You had gotten the call yesterday that your HCG levels had placed you between 8 and 9 weeks pregnant and you had scheduled your ultrasound for the following Wednesday. You’d have to tell Hotch everything when you’re back at work tomorrow.

You also made a very awkward phone call to Jensen (damn, you were wayyy off) and he had been very pleased when you informed him that you didn’t want anything from him, he agreed that it would probably be best that way. You didn’t need to be tied to some one-off forever anyway, this was for the best. You just hoped your child wouldn’t resent you for not having a present father.

A knock at your door shook you from your thoughts. You checked your phone, 7:32 p.m. and a notification from Uber Eats that your tacos had been delivered! You paused your movie and shuffled to the door, checking the peephole once, then twice to confirm the identity of this visitor. You made quick work of unlocking and opening the door.

“Aaron? What are you doing here?”

“I came to see how you were feeling. I also ran into your delivery guy.” He explained.

“Come in, I ordered enough for two if you’re hungry?” You posed.

“I wouldn’t want to impose.” He shook his head.

“Not at all, come on in.”

You quickly realized that you were in sweats, a t-shirt, and slippers. You looked to Aaron taking note of his jeans and t-shirt. Casual looks good on him; you’d always thought so. You offered him a drink and invited him over to the couch, making yourselves comfortable and digging in. To the others, this may seem odd, a late-night taco date with your boss and your couch, but this was your normal.

You and Aaron had quickly realized your similarities when you first joined the team. You both had a stone exterior with a warm and fuzzy interior, you were closed off, but loyal and caring. These are the similarities that made your fast friendship so easy. The two of you hung out often, you had regular dinners together, went to movies or had movie nights, you went to the park with him and Jack, and sometimes…you even slept over. You didn’t share a bed or anything – except once when you first moved to your current apartment – your guest room hadn’t been set up yet. He was easily the person you were closest to, which is why it was terrifying to love him. You couldn’t lose him. So, you bottled up your feelings and enjoyed these moments with him.

“So, you’re feeling better then?”

You opened your mouth to reply when you felt it. That tightening lurch in your stomach. You brought your hand to cover your mouth and jumped up, desperate to get to your bathroom. You had barely made it before you were expelling your dinner into the porcelain bowl. You heaved until there was nothing left. It was only then that you felt the warmth of his hands brushing your hair back and rubbing circles over your spine. You slowly sat up and rested back against the bathtub, Aaron leaned against the counter.

“I guess it’s a good time to mention we have a mandated weekend off. I figured you were feeling better if you had ordered tacos.” Aaron teased.

“I was feeling better. And thank God. I could use the extra two days to get my shit together.” You laughed.

“What did the doctor say?” He questioned.

“Well, she uh…” You started.

“I shouldn’t have asked that, I’m sorry.” He apologized.

“No, Aaron it’s okay. I just – I found out that I’m pregnant.” You blurted.

“Oh, that’s – wow congrats. I didn’t realize you’d started seeing someone.” He muttered.

“Thanks, and I’m not. It was just some guy I met while we were in Alabama.” You grumbled.

With Aaron’s assistance, you made your way back to the couch, not before quickly brushing your teeth. After he saw that you were settled, he went to the kitchen and grabbed your anti-nausea pills, some crackers and a ginger ale for you.

The two of you sat and talked for hours, you told him about your doctor’s appointment and the phone call with Jensen. You expressed your excitement and nervousness, both of which he met with reassurance. Aaron was quick to tell you he thought you’d make a great mother and that he, along with the rest of the BAU, would be there for you every step of the way.

The night continued on with the two of you curled up on the couch watching movies, Aaron refilling your ginger ale as needed throughout the evening. Your position had shifted slightly the longer you sat there, you had laid down, your head resting on a pillow against Aaron’s thigh, his hand delicately running through your hair. You turned your head to look up at him, the movement drawing his gaze to you.

“Can I tell you something?” You asked.

“Anything.” He whispered.

“I’m scared to do this alone. I don’t want the kid to grow up and hate me because they don’t have a dad. Plus, I always thought when I had kids, I’d be settled…ya know?” You spoke softly.

“You’re not alone in this.” He replied.

“I know Aaron, that’s not what I meant.” you sighed.

“I could do it.”

“What?” You sat up abruptly, turning to look him in the eyes.

“I could raise the baby with you, I mean if you want. I just, I always wanted a big family, and Jack has asked about having a sibling on more than one occasion, plus we’re close already…” He rambled.

“You would do that for me?” You gasped.

“Of course I would, I’d do anything for you.” He smiled softly.

“So how would this work?” You questioned.

“It’s late, why don’t we head to bed, and we can talk logistics in the morning.” He said, patting your knee.

“Okay.” You smiled.

You woke up the next morning and had to remind yourself that last night was real, Aaron had in fact offered to raise your baby with you. You got out of bed and padded your way to the kitchen. Upon entering you were met with the sight of Aaron in his sweats and a T-shirt, gliding around your kitchen, making breakfast. This felt so domestic, and you couldn’t help the pain in your chest at the fact that this isn’t.

“Good morning!” You greeted.

“Good morning! How did you sleep?” He replied.

“I slept well thanks. You?”

“Pretty good actually. So, how are you feeling about my offer?” He queried.

“I’d like to take you up on it, as long as it’s still on the table. But I think we need to lay out some ground rules, or at least figure out how we would do this.” You explained.

“We’re doing this then! And I agree, we need to sort out all the details.” Aaron suggested.

Aaron and you talked about it a lot over the next few hours and had come to an agreement on nearly all subjects. Aaron would attend doctor’s appointments with you, the child would be raised by you and Aaron and for all intents and purposes, Aaron would be known as dad, when the kid is old enough, you agreed that honesty is crucial, and you’d explain that Aaron isn’t their biological dad. You had agreed on bringing the child up in a loving home and allowing your child to find their own way in religion and politics, neither of you fond of pushing either of those things on a kid. You had also agreed on the importance of education, family time, immunizations, etc.. There were a few things though, that you still weren’t sure of.

“So, Aaron, I guess I am just curious on how we would address a few things. Like with the team or anyone that asks – you’re the father? Or do we tell them there was a sperm donor? Are we honest about the situation? And what about us? Everyone is going to think we’re together. Also, the living situation, you mentioned you want to be around to help but going back and forth from my place to yours, it’s not fair to us or to Jack, what do we do?” You rattled on.

“Okay, slow down. I think with the team and family, we can tell them the truth…to anyone else, I’m the father. If that’s okay with you? For the living situation, I ugh well I was thinking, maybe we find a house? I know how crazy that sounds, but I would be closer to you to help out and Jack could be close to his sibling, at least for a while. It wouldn’t have to be permanent.” He let out a nervous chuckle. “As for us, I don’t want to complicate things sweetheart. I can’t say I’ve never thought about us…maybe we just take it day by day.” Aaron was trying to gauge your reaction.

“That all sounds perfect. We will take it day by day, see where this journey takes us.” You say, reaching to hold Aaron’s hand.

Aaron brings your hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss to the back of it. You can’t help the heat that rises to your cheeks. His admission of thinking of the two of you as more than friends, lingers in your mind. You wondered how long he’d been thinking like that but figured you could ask him another time. The bubble you were currently in was far too precious to burst.

“So, should we start house hunting?”

Aaron chucked at your excitement and nodded happily.

**15 weeks pregnant**

The two of you agreed to wait to tell the team, at least until you had settled into your roles as co-parents. You also wanted to wait until you had progressed further in your pregnancy before you shared the news with not only the team, but also Jack. You had expressed to Aaron that you were worried Jack wouldn’t take the news well and he had assured you that Jack would be thrilled with the prospect of having a sibling. Aaron had also informed you that Jack had asked if you could be his new mom once your friendship had grown.

Things had been going well, it had been almost two months since you guys had agreed to do this together and you couldn’t be happier. Aaron had gone to your appointments with you, and that’s where you were currently headed. You had your 15-week appointment today, you’d also be doing some tests to ensure the baby is healthy.

“Alright, did you guys want to find out the baby’s sex today?”

You looked over at Aaron, and he met you with a subtle nod of confirmation. You had discussed this on the way over today.

“Yes we would!”

“You are having a girl, congratulations!” The doctor smiled and made her leave.

Aaron was quick to lean down and embrace you. You were shedding tears of joy, beaming with excitement. He pressed a chaste kiss to your temple and pulled away.

“I wanted it to be a surprise, I scheduled a showing with our realtor. I think you’re really going to like this one!” Aaron gushed.

Aaron drove you over to the most adorable home, judging from the curb appeal, you were thinking his assumption was correct. He helped you out of the vehicle and led you into the home, your realtor was waiting for you just inside the foyer.

“Mr. and Mrs. Hotchner, welcome! Please take your time to look around, I will be in the kitchen if you need anything. Aaron, I am going to make a few calls and see what we’re looking at for this one.” Bradley informed.

The two of you agreed to act as a married couple when looking into homes, Aaron had suggested that newlyweds with a baby on the way might be more appealing to a seller. Though things between you definitely felt more like that was becoming your truth as opposed to this fantasy you’d act out when in the presence of Bradley.

Looking around, Aaron led you around the house, showing you each of the rooms on the first floor, then the second. You ended up in the master bedroom, making your way out on the balcony that overlooks the backyard.

“So, I was thinking, the two rooms downstairs, one would be my office, and the other could be a sort of den or library. Up here, Jack could have that first room, the second could be a nursery, and then the other two well they’d be ours, or one could be a guest room.” Aaron offered.

“If we made one a guest room, that would mean that we…we’d share this room? Aaron Hotchner are you suggesting that we share a room?” You teased.

“Maybe I am.” He declared.

You had been playing this game of cat and mouse for the last three weeks. It had started after you had kissed. It happened in the heat of the moment, the two of you were fighting over him subtly benching you from work, you had explained you were fine to which he admitted how important you were to him and that he couldn’t afford to lose you. Upon this revelation, you’d shared a passionate kiss. An action that you hadn’t discussed or repeated since then.

“Well, I think that could work.” You nudged him gently. “This house is perfect honey.”

“Should we go talk to Bradley?” He posed.

“I think so.”

**17 weeks pregnant**

“Can you come to my office please?” Aaron asked.

Naturally this caught the attention of the team. You could tell they were growing suspicious of you and Aaron. They used to make jokes about you guys dating all the time with how close you were, but now, taking time off together to go to doctor’s appointments and hushed conversations in his office. You were sure the team thought you two were together. And now, you guessed they weren’t exactly wrong.

“They are totally dating.” Emily insisted.

“No doubt about it. Last week they left early together on Thursday. I guess Hotch called Rossi and told him they wouldn’t be back, and Rossi said he could hear them giggling. He used those exact words.” Morgan explained.

“Hotch, giggling? No way!” JJ chimed in.

“When do you think they’ll finally come clean?” Emily wondered.

“Whenever they are ready, and none of you are going to push the issue.” Rossi declared.

The others grumbled in defeat as they returned to their tasks. Meanwhile, Aaron was informing you that Bradley had left him a voicemail, asking that the two of you return the call when you could.

“Hey Aaron, thanks for getting back to me. Listen I have good news, your offer went through. You guys got the house! I’ll email over some paperwork, and we will talk next steps soon.” Bradley rushed.

“Thank you Bradley, we appreciate it.” Aaron replied before hanging up the phone.

You shared a look before a cheerful squeal escaped your lips. You jumped into Aaron’s arms, hugging him tightly. He was quick to return it, rocking you back and forth gently.

“We got the house! I can’t believe it!”

“We did sweetheart! Do you want to come for dinner tonight, we can talk to Jack?” Aaron offered.

“That sounds great.”

You made your way back to your desk and caught the tail end of your team’s conversation. They had clearly been speculating about the nature of your relationship with Aaron, and after that little display in his office, you couldn’t blame them. You’d have to bring that up tonight, maybe it was time to come clean.

You were currently cooking dinner while Aaron helped Jack with his homework at the dining table. If this is the life you had to look forward to, you’d be a happy girl. You never felt more at home than when in the presence of the Hotchner boys. You finished up dinner and sent the boys to wash up while you set the table, they returned swiftly and the three of you began eating.

“Jack, bud, we have something we want to talk to you about.” Aaron began. “It’s pretty important and I’d really like you to let me tell you everything before you respond okay?”

“Okay.” Jack nodded, mouth full.

“You know how I’m having a baby right?” You gave him a moment to nod in reply.

“Well, that baby is going to be your little sister.” Aaron explained. “We are going to have this baby, and we’re all going to live together, in a new house. You’ll still go to the same school, but we will live in a house, all together instead of in the apartment.” Aaron concluded.

Jack’s eyes grew wide at the mass of information he’d just received. He glanced from you to Aaron and back to you once more. His mouth fell open, and he took a deep breath before speaking.

“So, does that mean you’re going to be my mom finally? Are you guys getting married? What does the house look like? Will I have to share a room with the baby? And where did the baby come from?” Jack rattled off.

“Oh, well sweetie this doesn’t necessarily mean…”

“Bud, go put your dish in the sink and change into your pjs. When you come back we will answer all of your questions.” Aaron instructed.

Jack shrugged and went first to the kitchen, then shuffled down the hall to change. Aaron knew it would take him a little bit, and he’d likely get distracted before returning, which meant he could talk to you about the first two of Jack’s questions.

“Sweetheart, if I am going to be the father of this baby, would you maybe consider being a mother to Jack? I know it is a lot, but with us living together and raising the baby together, it might make sense for me to formally adopt the baby and you to adopt Jack. That way we really could be a family. If anything happened to me, I would at least know that he’d have someone. He loves you so much and I love you, it just feels right, him wanting to call you mom.” Aaron blurted.

“Y – you love me?” You gasped.

Aaron blushed, having realized his slip up. “I do.”

“I love you too Aaron. And I would love for Jack to consider me his mom, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about us all being a real family like that. As for the adoption, that sounds perfect, I’d have to call Jensen and judging how our first conversation went, it should be a non-issue.” You noted.

“We would just have to get the papers drawn up for you to adopt Jack, his mother signed away her rights when she left us.” Aaron stated.

You looked at him with a saddened expression. The thought of leaving Aaron and Jack breaks your heart, you can’t imagine how she did it so effortlessly. Aaron could see the hurt behind your gaze, and he brought his hand up to caress your cheek, drawing a heat with it.

“Can we go back to a few minutes ago when we both said “I love you” for the first time” Aaron chuckled.

You let out a giggle and nodded, leaning in to meet him halfway for a passionate kiss. The two of you have kissed before, but never like this. Kissing someone who you love and that loves you in return, well that is pure bliss.

“Eww!” Jack shrieks, covering his eyes.

The two of you share a laugh and pull away. Aaron begins clearing the table while you go to get Jack.

“Eww? Eww? Come here buddy! Let me give you a big smooch!” You laughed reaching for Jack.

His laughs rang through the apartment as you jokingly chased him around the living room. When you finally caught up to him, you wrapped your arms around him a pressed a dramatically loud kiss to his cheek. Jack feigned disgust and wiped his cheek off as Aaron entered the room, joining the two of you on the couch with a big smile on his face.

“Alright buddy, I want to answer some of your questions okay?”

“Okay dad.”

“So, let’s start with the house, you are going to have your own room. The house is big with a yard that we can practice soccer in and a pool for us to swim! You will get to see the house soon; we are going to move in just a few weeks.” Aaron explained.

“As for me bud, if you want to call me mom you absolutely can. We aren’t getting married just yet, but we are a family sweetie.” You gently ruffle his hair.

“Okay mom, but you didn’t answer my last question! Where do babies come from?”

Your heart soared at the name, but both you and Aaron choked at his question.

“Uh, we will talk about that when you’re a little older. Go get ready for bed.”

**26 weeks pregnant**

You were nearing week 26 of your pregnancy and you knew, beyond a doubt, that the entire team knew you were pregnant, you hadn’t really been hiding it other than some loose-fitting tops. None of them said anything, but they were all doing everything in their power to make sure you were comfortable, safe, and feeling well in the office and even more so in the field. 

On your last case, the whole team worked to keep you stuck in the local precinct as to avoid any potential harm. You knew they were just being protective, but your doctor said you were fine to continue field work for at least a few more weeks. You wanted to work while you still could, and you decided to talk to Aaron about finally coming clean to the team.

“Hey, can I talk to you really quick?” You asked, entering his office.

“Am I talking to you as your boss or as your significant other?” He questions.

“Both I guess? Aaron, I think we need to tell the team. They already know I’m pregnant, that I am sure of. But they are acting like I am made of glass, and I would really like to keep working while I still can.” You declared.

“Sweetheart I can’t say I am particularly upset about everyone being extra cautious for you. I want you safe, and they do too. But if you’re ready to tell them, then let’s tell them.” He admitted.

Aaron called the team to the round table so the two of you could come clean about everything. In the last 18 weeks, your lives had drastically changed for the better, and they’d only continue to do so, so it was only right that you have your BAU family involved and around for the joy to come.

“I called you all in here because we have some news we’d like to share with you all.” Aaron said, placing his hand on your shoulder.

You smiled up at him before continuing. “I am pregnant, as you all already seem to know…but that’s not all.” You and Aaron told the team about your relationship, the pregnancy and how it came to be, Aaron stepping in and being the father, the new house and how you moved in together, you told them everything.

The team met you with shocked expressions, before they bombarded you with congratulations, embraces, and some questions. They asked about Jack and his reaction, they asked about the baby’s biological father, and they asked if an engagement was coming soon.

You had explained that the adoption process had already begun for Aaron and the baby, that Jensen was more than willing to waive his parental rights. You’d also told them how Jack started calling you mom and you were planning to ask him if you could adopt him officially in a few weeks and Aaron said an engagement would occur soon enough as long as you’d have him.

To close out your family meeting, you’d politely asked everyone to remember that you were pregnant, not incompetent, and you would appreciate it if they would let you work like normal (mostly) for the last few weeks you’d be able to. They agreed with some apprehension as long as you’d be careful and let the others lead.

**33 weeks pregnant**

The team had travelled to Colorado for a case, you knew that this would be one of the last times you’d get to travel with the team, so you were going to give this case your all.

For the last month, Aaron had definitely broken his promise and was keeping you on a tight leash. You knew he was only protecting you, but you wanted to do your job. You were damn good at it, and you weren’t going to let anyone tell you otherwise.

“Alright, you are going to stay here and work on the geographical profile with Reid, and I am, going to the latest crime scene with Morgan.” Aaron stated.

“I’d like to go with Morgan actually. I think that my skills would be better suited that way.” You disputed, sending a glare Aaron’s way.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea…” Aaron started.

“Hotch. Let me do my job.”

“Okay go. Be careful, please.” Aaron pleaded.

Morgan drove you to the latest crime scene and you both looked around observing all of the evidence markers and trying to gather as much information as you could. The two of you were bouncing ideas off of one another when glass breaking sounded downstairs.

Morgan brought a finger to his lips signaling to be silent. You both raised your weapons and made your way to the landing. Morgan leaned around the corner to see if he could catch a glimpse of the intruder from the top of the stairs. When it came up empty, he motioned that he was going downstairs, silently telling you he’d let you know when it was safe to follow.

You didn’t move until Morgan signaled for you to do so. When he did, you carefully made your way downstairs. He went left and you went right, making your way through the first level of the home you noticed a broken lamp next to an open window in the living room.  Before you had a chance to react, a man grabbed you from behind, his arm wrapping around your throat and his gun pressed to your temple.

“Call out to your partner.” He hissed, pressing the gun further into your skin.

“Morgan, in the living room!” You called.

“Did you find someth-” Morgan trailed off, seeing the unsub holding you. “Woah, okay. We don’t want any trouble okay. You can let her go. We can get you whatever you want man.” Morgan offered.

“DON’T TRY TO PLAY GAMES WITH ME!” The unsub bellowed.

“We’re not – trying to play games with you. We just want everyone to leave here unharmed.” You tried to console the unsub.

“NO! LOOK AT HIM! HE’S GONNA TRY AND SHOOT ME THE SECOND I LET YOU GO! I’M NOT FUCKING STUPID!” The unsub cried.

You could tell he was devolving; he was young, intimidated and sick of being pushed around by men in positions of power. Most notably, his father.

“You’re right. He probably will try and shoot. He’s cocky like that. Always walking around like he’s a gift from God himself. Barking orders at his subordinates and making passes at any female employee. It makes me sick.” You played into his delusions.

“He treats you like that?” The unsub wavered.

“He does. And I can’t stand it! I am sick of being treated like I’m less than. Like I’m not good enough to be here! I deserve more, you deserve more. We are strong and capable, and we should be treated as such.” You continued to work this unsub while Morgan slowly moved into position.

“You’re right! If you can see that, why couldn’t he? Why couldn’t he see that I am enough!” The unsub sobbed, his hands dropping to his sides.

Morgan swooped in and handcuffed him after gently grabbing his gun from his hand. The unsub sobbed quietly, realizing the error of his ways. You moved to sit in a nearby chair and Morgan pulled out his phone to call for backup.

“Are you okay?” Aaron asked, rushing to your side. “This is exactly why I didn’t want you coming with Morgan.”

“Aaron, honey, I’m okay!” You reassured him.

“Hotch, your girl single handedly talked the guy off the ledge. She’s the reason we’re all safe.” Morgan explained.

Aaron looked at you once again. Taking in every part of your body to ensure you had no injuries. He gently takes your chin between his index finger and thumb to glance at your right temple, making a note of the slight bruise that’s developing there.

“I want you to get checked out before we go home.” Aaron informed.

“Okay.” You said, knowing arguing wouldn’t get you anywhere.

After spending far too long at the hospital, you were headed back to the hotel with a clean bill of health for both you and your baby girl. Aaron’s hands hadn’t left you since he’d rushed to your side at the crime scene. They were either holding your own, pressed to the small of your back, or resting on your leg. You knew he was just trying to ground himself in the fact that you were safe.

That night you and Aaron shared a conversation about you going on desk duty for the next few weeks, before your maternity leave started. He was a bit shocked that you didn’t fight him on it…not even a little bit.

**39 weeks pregnant**

You had been on maternity leave for all of five days and you were already out of your mind. The only thing you were grateful for was the fact that you got to spend so much time with Jack.

Your adoption of him had been finalized two weeks ago and everything was done regarding Aaron adopting the baby. Now, you were just awaiting the arrival of your daughter. You were more than ready for her to be here and out of your body, and while the pregnancy hadn’t been particularly difficult, you were exhausted and bloated and just ready to be done.

You were in the kitchen making lunch for Jack and you while he played in the living room. He’d requested a grilled cheese sandwich with some tomato soup. You had just flipped the sandwich when a contraction hit. The pain washed over you, radiating down your spine and through your pelvis. You took a deep breath and check the time, they were about fifteen minutes apart right now, the contractions kept you up all night and had been consistent all day.

“Okay bud, lunch is served!” You set his food down in front of him on the coffee table.

“Thanks mom!” He smiled, taking a big bite of grilled cheese.

“You’re welco-” a sharp hiss escaped your mouth.

Checking the clock again you realize it’s only been about five minutes since the last one. You take a few deep breaths and look around for your phone, it might be time to text Aaron.

“Mom, are you okay?” Jack asked.

“Yeah bub I’m okay. I think your sister is getting ready to come.” You explained.

“Really? I can’t wait to meet her!” Jack cheered, resting one of his hands on your swollen belly.

“I can’t wait either. Jack, could you uh – could you go grab my phone hon?” You requested.

“Okay!” He wandered over to the kitchen to grab your phone.

You felt another contraction coming on and realized that they were coming one after another in shorter bursts of times. You needed to get to the hospital.

Jack returned from the kitchen with your phone and handed it to you. You were quick to dial Aaron’s number.  It rang three times before he picked up.

“Hey sweetheart. Is everything okay?” He questioned.

“Yeah honey, it – it’s time. She’s coming.”

“Now? How far apart are your contractions? Did your water break? Are you in pain? Should I call an ambulance to come and take you to the hospital?” Aaron rattled off question after question.

“Aaron, baby, contractions are three minutes apart now, my water hasn’t broken, I’m not in too much pain, and please don’t call an ambulance. I will drive myself and Jack to the hospital. Meet us there.”

“I will sweetheart. The go bag is on the floor of the closet, on the right side. And the car seat has already been installed. I am leaving right now.” Aaron promised.

“Okay! See you soon.”

**36 weeks pregnant**

“Mrs. Hotchner, can we go swimming?” Henry asked.

“Of course, bud, you boys go get your swim trunks on and I will get Nora changed. Okay?” You looked at the three boys for confirmation.

After they all shouted okay, they ran to Jack’s room and the bathroom to change, you walked with Nora upstairs to help her change into her swimsuit.

“Alright bug, pink or green?” You asked her.

“No. Blue momma, blue!” Nora demanded.

“Okay bug, blue suit.” You agreed.

You got Nora changed and brought her into your room, before you changed into your own bathing suit in the on-suite bathroom. When you exited, you grabbed Nora and then made sure the boys were all ready and that they had put on sunscreen. The five of you made your way outside, the boys were quick to jump straight into the pool, and you made sure to put on Nora’s swimming vest.

Aaron stepped away from the grill and wrapped his arms around your waist. He placed a sweet kiss on your shoulder before leaning down and kissing Nora’s head. He went back to the grill and got it cleaned and ready for the burgers you were making tonight.

“JJ texted and said her and Will were on their way. She said to thank you again for picking the boys up from school.” Aaron let you know.

“She doesn’t need to thank me.” You scoffed. “The boys all go to the same school and with me on maternity leave, I have nothing better to do.” You laughed.

“I’m excited to see the team, it’s been so long since we’ve all been together.” Aaron sighed, slipping into the pool with you.

“I know honey. We’ve all just been so busy…that’s why it’s taken this long for us to do this reveal” You hugged him. “Do you regret taking the promotion?”

“Not for even a second. It has allowed me more time with you and the kids. I got to see almost all of Nora’s milestones, and I am so excited for this little one to join us here soon.” Aaron said caressing your belly once more.

“I can’t wait either.” You smiled.

One by one the team began filing in through the back gate. Derek and Savanah had come in with Hank. JJ and Will had come in and were quick to greet their sons. Emily, Spencer and Penelope arrived all at once saying their hellos and quickly getting into the pool. And Rossi arrived last, he set the cake and wine in the kitchen and made himself comfortable in the lounge chairs on the deck.

Time passed in slow motion, you made conversation with those around you and ate dinner (Aaron and Derek standing over the grill drinking beer…they were arguing over how long to cook the burgers). Everyone got out of the pool and as the adults sat on the lounge chairs, the kids ran around in the yard, playing soccer.

“Are you guys ready?” Dave asked

After you and Aaron nodded, Dave went to grab the cake. You called everyone over to the table and let them know that you chose to reveal the gender this way because you didn’t want some big flashy party, but rather to be surrounded by loved ones.

“So, there’s one other announcement I’d like to make before we do the gender reveal.” You began. “I will not be returning to the BAU after the birth.”

A chorus of “what do you mean” and “why” and “that’s not funny” rang out around you. This was something that you’d been at war with yourself over for the entirety of this pregnancy. Aaron taking the promotion to a director position, it had shockingly allowed him more time with your family, and it provided a safety that his previous position had hindered. It was a culmination of those facts that led you to your decision.

“What does this mean though? What are you going to do?” Spencer was the one to ask.

“I’m going to teach.” You smiled. “I was offered a position, within the FBI, to teach. You guys will still get to see me, and we will still host everyone, but the hours are better, and they’ll allow me more time at home.”

The team exchanged solemn expressions, but ultimately wished you well. They let you know that they’d miss you and the team wouldn’t be the same without you, but they understood.

“Okay! Sorry. Onto a much happier topic – the gender reveal of our baby!” You exclaimed.

Aaron and you each took a wine glass and held them upside down over opposite edges of the cake. The team counted down 3…2…1…and you and Aaron plunged the glasses into the cake. You each brought the glasses up and held them out in front of you, confusion etched on the faces of those standing before you.

“OH MY GOD! It’s twins! It’s twins isn’t it!” Penelope shouted with glee.

In front of you, enclosed in the wine glass were layers of chocolate cake intermixed with blue frosting. And in front of Aaron was a glass housing chocolate cake with pink frosting. The two of you shared a look, one that held nothing but love and adoration for one another and the beautiful life you’ve built with one another. You loved each other more than anything and your growing family was proof of that, Jack and Nora had been thrilled that they’d be getting both a little brother and sister, and in just a few short weeks, they’d make their debut.

[kemendin]

Kem's non-spoilery/non-plot-related impressions on Veilguard:

Now that I finished a first run, I want to just put some thoughts out there - basically likes/dislikes sort of thing. So here we go! In no particular order:

Likes:

This is very subjective of course, but to me it just FEELS like Dragon Age. It's nostalgic in the vibes and mechanics while also being fresh.

Hair physics!! Me gleefully watching my boy's ponytail flipping around like 'yessss gooood'. Every game needs this imo xD

Companions: While I'm personally not going feral over any of them, I do LIKE them all, which is unusual for me. I love the shouted encouragement in combat, and how they move around the Lighthouse and have little snippets of conversations with each other (wish we got MORE of this).

I adore the environments and maps. I love exploring new places in Thedas, they're all so gorgeously detailed, and I love the LAYERS of them. The exploration feels very Assassin's Creed, which is fun for me. Docktown is my favourite I think, but Arlathan and the Crossroads are also stunning.

I'm a sucker for the elven relic puzzles, they make me happy!

Combat: It took a while for me to adjust, particularly coming from BG3 where I had time to deliberate my decisions. But once I got into the rhythm of it, I now find Veilguard combat quite fun. (I played as a sword and shield warrior this first run, I'm excited to see what a mage feels like next time around)

PHOTOMODE!!! At least a third of my playtime has definitely been spent taking screenshots. It has almost everything I want - camera angles, depth of field, field of view. SO MANY SCREENSHOTS! (1800 at last count)

Dislikes:

Save system. Generous auto-saves are great, but I hate how you get bumped to the nearest beacon when you load in, rather than where you actually left off. Also I'm a save scummer so 100 manual saves is not enough lol.

Main menu being the only functional 'pause' button is irritating, especially when trying to get into photomode.

Armour/outfit stuff. I'm sorry but most of the designs are terrible. TERRIBLE. Also there's no dye/tint system, at least Inquisition had SOMETHING to that effect.

Pacing. I feel like the stories in the game had so many good notes, but it felt.... disjointed, like it was just hitting the main beats rather than creating a cohesive narrative flow. Across the board, it felt rushed and shallow in that respect. Also (and maybe this is just a me thing) it felt really difficult to get a handle on the passage of time throughout the game.

Ambivalent: The character creator. Lots of great sliders and options, but also I kinda hate the 'mash three heads together' thing, and I don't know why we need 50 styles of eyelashes instead of, I dunno, more hair options? (also - body hair. Needs body hair)

I may add to this as more thoughts occur, but for now that's what I've got. Overall impression - positive! I had a great time and I'll be replaying for sure.

[useless-catalanfacts]

Hi. A question in relation to your response a few asks ago. As a leftist foreigner, I have always thought Catalonia and its independence movement have a cemented leftist core, but is that just me simply being an essentialist and simplifying the dynamics since the war? Of course, I understand that most Catalans, like most people, are just normal people living their lives and wanting health and happiness and not hard-core extremists either way. I'm half Palestinian and boy, am I tired of people painting us as inherently political when all we want to do is, you know, stay alive. But, I've always just imagined Catalonia as a stronghold for socialist and anarchist vibes. Is that off? And if it's not off, how come one Spanish narrative is that Catalans are bourgeois and capitalist has been so prominent? Like, what are they basing that on? The fact that Catalonia is a somewhat wealthy region? And how do leftists respond to that? Sorry for sensitive questions I'm just really intrigued by this. Sending all the love from one occupied people to another.

First of all, my most sincere best wishes for liberation and solidarity to you and all the Palestinian people 🇵🇸❤️

You are right, Catalonia is a stronghold of leftism. It can be seen easily in maps of election results every time there are Spanish elections, or polls, etc. Catalonia and Euskadi always stand out. This is so prominent that there's even a Twitter account called The F*ck*ing Same Map Again making fun of this, lol. And within the independence movement even more so, too. Historically, the Catalan independence movement has been very linked to communism, with presence of social democrats as well. Since around 2010, many more social democrats and liberals have joined, too. This is not to say that no other profile exists, as you pointed out you can't expect a whole country to have the same ideology, but it's overwhelmingly the case.

The reason why the Spanish left likes to stereotype Catalans as bourgeois (at the same time as, when it's more convenient to them, they also stereotype Catalan people and language as a poor rural farmers' language) comes from the fact that Catalonia (and to a lesser extent also the Basque Country) were the only places of the state of Spain that were industrialized during the Industrial Revolution and for most of the 20th century. This created a very prominent Catalan working class —for your ask, I assume you know about the CNT, the collectivizations, etc. To give an overview, in 1919 about ⅕ of ALL of Catalonia's population was affiliated to the CNT anarchist union, that is not counting people in the rural areas affiliated to unions for rural workers like Unió de Rabassaires that also sympatized with CNT in many matters but was more focused on agricultural workers. More than ⅕ of the whole country's population being a paying member of the anarchist union!— But, of course, industrialization also produced a muuuuuuuch smaller amount of bourgeoisie. While most Southern and Central Spain was still ruled by the aristocracy that owned most of the land and hired agricultural workers on a daily basis (jornaleros), in Catalonia there were bourgeois factory owners.

In the 1920s, many people came from rural areas of Spain to Barcelona and other urban areas of Catalonia (the population of Catalonia tripled with their arrival), and in the 1960s again the same (this migration tripled again Catalonia's population). In many places, the people who were arriving lived side by side with the people who were already there, usually learned Catalan and mixed with the population. But in some places around Barcelona, because there wasn't enough housing in the city for all the huge amount of people who were arriving, the regime (this was still under Franco's dictatorship) built "dormitory suburbs" where previously there was no town nor suburb. Areas that used to be fields suddenly were all built into cheap housing for the arriving Spanish workers, often with very bad conditions when it comes to public services. Thus, there were pockets of the newly-arrived population that lived in areas only created for them and only inhabited by people who had arrived at the same time as them. The result is that these workers only ever knew other Spanish immigrants, and the only Catalan people they ever met would be at their jobs when they commuted out of their dormitory suburbs into Barcelona's centre. This way, in these pockets of the population (which, of course, did not come free of Catalanophobia) the idea that everyday people spoke Spanish and the bosses and managers spoke Catalan was cemented.

(Obviously, I don't mean to say that everyone in those neighborhoods thought this, only that it was an idea that developed and spread to many people there. There were also people who did not see all the Catalan people as enemies and kept a good class analysis and allied with the Catalan working class and the Catalan people as an oppressed group. A famous example is the writer Paco Candel who lived in one of these new working class neighbourhoods and was an activist for the working class and also for Catalan language, cultural and political rights. I don't think it's been translated to English, but if anyone reading this wants to get a very good view of what the situation was like, the must-read is Paco Candel's 1964 book Els altres catalans).

The idea that "people like us" speak Spanish and bosses speak Catalan is, of course, objectively false. Since in every place capitalism needs more workers than bosses, the first proletariat of the state of Spain was Catalan, and the overwhelming majority of Catalans were and are working class. And the poorest areas of Catalonia are also the ones where Catalan is most spoken and Spanish is rarely heard (all of them in Terres de l'Ebre, a largely agricultural area). At the same time, Spanish has always remained the language of power, the only one spoken by the police, the army, the government, the public administration, etc and the one that rich people want to be heard speaking for prestige reasons. Even more so back then, when Catalan was prohibited and legally persecuted in many sectors. But despite being an overall false picture, it was the experience of these people day after day. The mix of already-present Catalanophobia with the "confirmation" of Catalan people being their enemies in the workplace created this very weird and very out-of-touch mentality of Catalan people being bourgeois in a small part of the Spanish speaking people, while for the vast majority the idea of still that speaking Catalan is for extremist antifascists and that it was a thread for the fascist state and for the very existence of Spain and thus needed to be erradicated. With time, after the dictatorship ended and the democracy period started (1978), the Spanish left was legalized (Catalan independentist parties would take a while yet, because it was said that "Catalan separatists are more dangerous than the communists", but in some time ended up legalized as well, except for some Basque parties that have been illegal until the 21st century) and a part of the Spanish left instrumentalized Catalanophobia to gain votes in some circles, so they used this rhetoric and it spread more, because it gave them a justification that used the right words to sound vaguely leftist and they don't have to question their beliefs nor prejudices.

I hope this answers your question. Thank you very much for your interest and your solidarity, it's greatly appreciated.

[ozrockbitway]

If it's not a bother to ask but do you have any like character headcannon's for older characters and new characters in Cfv?

(sorry if I'm bothering or anything.)

dont worry you're good!! idk what characters you wana hear from me so I will just. grab some favs. holds them at you.

OG

Ren - He's like...some wealthy rich kid. I like to think he's an heir and supposed to inherit some company but he's never taken the thing seriously. He'll never talk about his family tho, mostly his dad, his mother left him and Ren doesn't remember her.

tbh I don't think anyone knows he's like rich lol. Maybe Asaka and Tetsu but he doesn't really act the type?? Maybe he throws money around...at cards mostly but man does not live that lavish lifestyle.

Probably gets cut off some funds when he's an adult but idk I can see him saving money or finding a way to have cash so he's p set doing...whatever it is he does as an adult (pre branch chief).

I joked once that he could probably get away with working anywhere and I kinda believe it?? Man says he works here and can play it off like nothing but only works one day and is never seen again...

Would randomly crash into his homies places in the middle of the night. You're sleeping? No problem. Ren is there, maybe grabbing something from the fridge before sleeping on the couch or the bed. It's impossible to Ren proof your home.

Asshole would 100% pick a random box from a cardshop and it has the most expensive Shadow Paladin card in it. Doesn't even need Psyqualia this just happens naturally.

Aichi - He's good with speaking other languages like...he knows the words/phrases/whatever to say but thinking isn't the same as speaking. So he usually trips over his words. Can translate very well just give him a sec so he doesn't mess up words.

100% a lil bookworm. Didn't have a lot of friends in his youth so he turned to books. That was like his escape fantasy along with thinking of Vanguard.

No matter how much more confident he is in his older years...he still struggles with public speaking. Please don't make him go up and talk to the crowd...he's so nervous...

Likes to send Emi and his mom gifts!! Little things from traveling. Would send Emi ocean/mermaid related things and I think in a note somewhere his mom plays Vanguard too (I think it was something to do with hot men?? let it be touken ranbu...) he'll send her things related to what she plays and just whatever she wants lol

G

Kazumi - Hates his family lmao. He's on bad terms with his father and is a little better with his mom but not really. The only good one in his fam was Kazuma (pleading emoji).

Knows how to conceal his true feelings p well?? He has to in the business world and around his parents. So he'll bottle up things a lot. His more childish side peeks through usually during Vanguard or when he's around people he knows he can relax with.

Wants to learn how to cook and kinda be on his own?? He doesn't want to rely on his family's wealth and probably only uses it for housing, away from the main house, but he wants to be able to live on his own and not follow the family name.

Has a lil...dragon collection. Maybe it's cuz of Shiranui but I like to think he collects little dragon trinkets. Please don't let him go off about his collection because he will. Also is v proud of it.

Mamoru - He doesn't make dad jokes, other people make dad jokes for him!! He takes care of Ryuzu and just kinda...adopted him?? Yeah the whole association is supposed to take care of him but legally he is Mamoru's kid.

He needs to take better care of himself. Probably eats fast food or whatever the dragon empire cafeteria has that's quick and can be found sleeping at his desk, especially during the heavier seasons. Tokoha usually helps him out but he's gotten a little better at it.

Probably would have been like...a teacher or something in that field if he wasn't doing Vanguard. That wouldn't be his go to or something he aspired at first but that's what he would have settled upon.

Somehow knows everyone. Could say hi to someone on the street and has seen/spoken to them before. I like to think he's kinda famous cuz of his status and all the stuff he does but like...a lot of locals know him too. Support the community!!

Overdress

Yuyu - Ends up going to the student council because of Raika lol. I don't think he'd go for any of the president or VP seats but would do something like secretary or treasurer.

Would go out of state for college!! He wants to be a pro Vanguard fighter but wants to get a degree for his fam. His sisters all have degrees so baby boy has to do it to!!

Probably genderfluid. tbh? Doesn't mind dressing up as feminine but doesn't quite like the frilly dresses his sisters pick out for him. I think he'd like more of the androgynous stuff.

He's not into max rarity for his decks. He pulls like 1 SP/FFR and is like aight cool. At most he'd would make his sideline bling but wouldn't go insane over it. Also he's a high schooler so he has no budget for this lskfjds

Tohya - Got disowned from his fam. Or at least kicked out of his house due to dropping out of med school. Homie was on his way to the big doctor leagues and then...gives it up for silly cardboard?? Yeah no his fam ain't having that bye bye.

He didn't finish school yeah but tbh he could be like...a roaming doctor. I think he was the top of his class and he knows his shit (and probably studies up on the side but not that much) so he knows what's up. Charges you with a cardfight instead of money. help him.

Stopped eating ramen for a while. Man was traumatized by the ramen challenge. It's okay he got over it and he can eat cup noodles on his own now.

He travels a lot but I like to think he p much lives at Danji's old place?? So if you wana catch him he usually goes back there. He can't officially leave because he has to take care of the turtle. Granted some Blackout members do if he can't but!! turtle is his responsibility.

[cc-tens]

1, 2, 7, and 8 with Jabber, Quips, and also The Runner for the oc ask please :3 if that's too much then just Jabber would be fine!

I'm so sorry for how annoyingly I am going to format everything - it truly makes no sense why I'm about to answer things this way; but I'm going to answer Jabber related questions above the cut and Quips and The Runner under the read more.

1. What was the original thought that led to the creation of this character?

Jabber was created due to my thought that Quips needed batch mates. That really was it. He was intended to be a filler character to pad out Quips' backstory - my general idea for him was a loud mouthed and energetic youngest to contrast with Quips' more introspective and solitary personality. Over time, I realized that I was sort of growing more and more attached to him - and the rest of the batch - though as the Hollers all kept reappearing in originally Quips-centric ideas of mine.

2. How long was the process before the character reached its final version? (or a version that would be clearly recognizable as the character?)

Both not terribly long and yet still a work in progress. I always knew key aspects of his personality I wanted to nail down - loud mouthed, argumentative, easy to rial up, funny and sociable, etc. But that was for the version of him meant to die in a fighter jet crash after Grevious raided The Negotiator and the ship blew up. Now as he's miraculously survived my like 5 attempts at killing him - he's a cockroach of a man - I'm working more on him. I think he maintains all his core traits, but I think in retrospect, he's fake. He's a not genuine person, that a lot of who and how he presents himself is a facade. I think he's a multifaceted person purposefully trying to dumb himself down to a few core traits.

7. What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?

I haven't drawn a proper front and back ref of it yet, but he has these sort of elaborate tattoos I really enjoy. Over his right shoulder and down as a sleeve and covering part of his upper right pectoral is this tattoo of a small jet within a giant whirling lightning storm cloud with bits of calm sky peeking out in the eye of the storm. On his left side going from his lower rib down his leg is a tattoo of a sky that leads down to Kaminoan waters that are all choppy and messy.

8. What is the origin of their personality? And let's be honest - how much of it is projecting?

Not much to say about either, honestly lol. We'll see how that changes with more development.

1. What was the original thought that led to the creation of this character?

Quips was the original Star Wars OC of mine and he's the reason The Runner also got created as a companion character later in Quips' arc. I had thought of Quips because I wanted a medic character that was more cut out for field triage and field work than he was at say the more emotional and bedside manner aspects of being a medic. I had also wanted to possibly give him a dead lover later on so I had jotted down a like 10 sentence thing of his unnamed lover dying in a sort of crazy way; but after writing more shit about their relationship I sort of got too attached to the lover character - I literally oh I should give the boyfriend more background and personality so it's sadder when he dies, oh I should give him this really beautiful narrative with Quips, oh I sort of love him too much now - thusly, he survives and now helps lead a rebellion lol.

2. How long was the process before the character reached its final version? (or a version that would be clearly recognizable as the character?)

Quips only took maybe a few months - like 3 max if I recall correctly. I was turning him around in my mind so often I basically was 3D modeling this dude and playing out an entire documentary about him in my mind daily. My poor friends on discord can attest to many nightly spammed messages. I'd say like 80% of his first draft self made the cut which made it easy to refine him relatively quickly. The biggest aspect of his personality I changed during those first few months was I made him a person who sort of flipped from being an extremely apathetic person with no care for other's lives to someone who cares extremely much and is so dedicated to preserving life he's spent all his time and energy trying to learn how to best do so but as a result never lives his own life. I threw a death at him when he was still a cadet so he could learn the gravity of loss and that this war wasn't a game and he decided to lock the fuck in. After that, he's been pretty much as perfect to how I want him to be. The Runner is still an extreme work in progress though since I've been so Clone brained, I've sort of neglected lover boy. Plus I never talk about him so it's not like folks really have any basis for who or what he is or is like.

7. What is an aspect of their appearance that you like the most?

8. What is the origin of their personality? And let's be honest - how much of it is projecting?

I always have loved Quips' tattoos around his eyes, the sort of like 《 • • 》 brackets he has lol. I really adore his neck tattoo as well since it is pretty neat imo and has the phrase "heal thyself" in Aurebesh; but his eye tattoos were like the very first thing I thought of when designing him so they have a special place in my heart. For The Runner, since his design isn't fully nailed down yet I'll just say I love designing his patterns as I get to play around with his Togrutan/Twi'lek heritage so pattern work and deciding if he should have lekku or montrals is fun.

For Quips, an extreme amount I won't even lie. As time went on with development with him, my friends began pointing out many of my own ASD and Quiet BPD traits he exhibited, and how he also reflected certain mindsets or enacted certain behaviors I also use. The Runner reflects like less of my emotional state and my background, and more so reflects I guess ideals and complexes I have lol. He's like a version of myself if I were a braver and less selfish person I guess lol.

[bunnhildr]

i need all of them for eiji im sorry he makes me twirl my hair you understand

I UNDERSTAND.

Are there any names they like to be called in bed/names they call their partner? Any names they wouldn’t use/can’t stand?

eiji himself isn't a pet name user, the most he'd use is probably 'baby boy' (he read that one in a book lol), 'my love', and 'darling'. the pet names usually come out when he's being really stimulated during sex, otherwise he sticks to regular names

Are they a “the socks stay on during sex” kind of person?

it's honestly not a detail he cares much about, if they're off before he starts they stay off, if they're on before he starts they stay on. since they don't really get in the way of sex he doesn't really care either way. if the socks go up to his partner's calves or higher, he will roll them down because he's a stupid little tease and likes to nibble on calves/thighs

Quickies vs Planned sex—thoughts?

both! both is good. if his partner is needy and he is needy, he's more than happy to engage. he won't be complaining any time soon

Are they more of a dom, sub, or switch? If applicable, are they a top, bottom, or vers?

eiji is 10000% a service top. absolutely loves pleasuring his partner in every way, and loves to be in control. he will, however, not complain if his partner wants to take control every once in a while. (asase "i'm obsessed with hearing my partner moan and whine and i will do everything in my power to get them to do so but getting a blowjob is REALLY nice every once in a while" eiji frfr)

Do they have any really out-of-left-field kinks/fantasies? Maybe even something that they wouldn’t necessarily want to act on but have still thought about?

not really, he's extremely inexperienced and isn't familiar with kinks or the like. he's very much just "it's you and me being intimate in this way" and he likes just to explore his partner's body and find out what makes them go insane. would be open to anything his partner would want to try except pain or weapon play

Any place they absolutely would not have sex?

public. ever. like, in the secluded forests around the shrine? yeah. but he would never be down to do anything near other people or in a public place.

Are they into (consensual) pain during sex? Either giving or receiving

no, he would never want to try this

How often do they have sex dreams?

not very often, but on occasion. these mornings his partner would wake up to him acting kind of weird before a very blunt "would you be in the mood for sex?" or something like that 😭

What’s their favorite way to get in the mood? How do they set the mood?

cuddles -> making out -> inappropriate touching -> foreplay is his fav pipeline, just because it feels natural

Are they down for casual one-night stands?

no !!!! sex is very intimate for him, he would only participate with his lover, someone he had been with for a really long time.

Are they attracted to anyone (specific person or just negative qualities) they really shouldn’t be?

nope! he and katsumi were meant to be for ever and ever <333

Would they be more or less likely to send a risky/risque text to their partner in the middle of a crowded/public area?

no, he's the type to receive the text and accidentally leave them on read bc he is rapidly moving to their location LOL

Morning vs evening sex—do they have a preference?

morning sex, because in noctis aeternitas terms morning sex would be a hello and evening sex would be a goodbye

If they send nudes, are they tasteful or just quick pics?

not really a nudes sender, if his partner really wanted to see him that badly he would just go to them

Describe their favorite sexual encounter.

just any time he gets to fuck katsumi.

Describe their least favorite/most embarassing sexual encounter.

probably still his first time 😭

What’s their go-to safe word?

i feel if he and katsumi were to pick a safeword it would be nature-related, like "pine" or "boulder" or something idk

Their favorite actions during sex—chin-grabbing, hair-pulling, wrists being pinned, etc.

oohh,, CHIN GRABBING. holding katsumi's face so he can maintain eye contact. close second would be pinning down the wrists (if katsumi would be okay with it)

When they “dress-up” for sex, what’s their go-to outfit? Lingerie, suit, gown, etc.?

not a big dressup guy, he knows its all gonna come off anyway so he doesn't see a point in it

What do they like seeing their partner in when they “dress-up?”

nothing at all <3

What scent of candle do they light after sex?

no candles, but he has a habit of opening one of the shrine windows. that nice cool ocean breeze with the smell of salt and wind-battered wood <3

Favorite thing/part about sex—intimacy, role-playing, etc.

just the intimacy of it, he loves how close he can get to his partner

Least favorite thing/part about sex—cleanup, setup, etc.

doesn't really have a least favorite part tbh

A song they would fuck/get fucked to

not a big music guy when having sex, but if there is music it would be soft and slow with no lyrics!

Share a sample line of dirty-talk

"ooh, baby boy, if this is the way you like it you better speak up. come on, look at me. tell me how i'm making you feel."

[hectorthedoggo]

i,, i got distracted so have some incorrect quotes with the es gang and shidou (of course) :D

i put fugue es as f!es to make things simpler

*The squad is playing a team sport* Shidou: Are you upset you don’t get to be on the same team as Enyu? F!Es: Have you ever played a game with Enyu? Shidou: No… F!Es: Have you ever been trapped in a cage with a wolverine? *Meanwhile, on the other side of the field* Enyu, chasing Es: I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD “FASTER” MEANS? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!!!

^(for this one i wasn't sure what to put for the other person so mu it is)

Shidou: Where’s F!Es? Enyu: Around. Shidou: Around? Shidou, getting worried: You don’t have any idea, do you? F!Es, dropping down from above: Did you know there’s a space above the ceiling?

(au where fugue!es moves into milgram b/c why not)

Shidou: Just be yourself. Say something nice. Enyu: Which one? I can't do both.

Es: Does the defendant have any special requests? Shidou: Death penalty. Es: Shidou, it’s just a parking ticket. Shidou, whispering into the mic: Please kill me.

(this one isn't related to the aus but it's still good lol)

F!Es: So according to the cease and desist order I got, apparently you can’t ‘legally’ be a lawyer if your license is ‘cut out of a cereal box’.

(this is literally route 2)

Enyu: Did you wash the dishes? Es: I thought you wanted to do that... Enyu: *chuckles* You were WRONG.

Enyu: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

^ it was just giving

Shidou: Es, wake up! Es, half asleep: Five more minutes… Shidou: You’ve been in a coma for two years! Es: … Es: Okay, two more minutes…

Shidou: Why do you hang out with me? Es: You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I guess. Shidou: … Shidou: I feel a bit sorry for you.

^ this could honestly go for any one of them

Enyu: I have the sharpest memory here - name one time I forgot something! Es: You left me in a Walmart parking lot at 2am a day ago. Enyu: I did that on purpose, try again.

Es: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter A. F!Es: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory. Enyu: Fuck you.

*F!Es falls through the ceiling, landing near Es* Es: Hey, F!Es. F!Es: Hey, Es! F!Es: …that hurt.

^the climber. it's normal at this point

[sgt-scottymoreau]

Alliances - Part 2

Summary: They all say there's a begining to everything. They also say that when the opportunity present itself, you should take it. After a terrorist slip throw her hands, she found herself need of foreign help. Call it faith or dumb luck, but this is how Scotty would describe how she got to meet the 141.

Warning: None, probably lot of military innacuracy and other things like that, but we are here for the fun not the realism :P

Word: 6.3k // Part 1 // AO3 // Masterlist

A/N: This will be a two part because no way I'm post 11k fic in one post here lol But the A03 version is the full fic no cut.

Price was pissed that this went sour as it did. They just have to hope that the fire that started after the explosion was able to cover up most of the papers related to the terrorists. News would be talking, they didn't need the public to worry and even less Lambert to figure they were after him. Which so far seems like he did. A question that everyone wondered about; how? He was not aware that Scotty had followed him all the way here, as far as they knew, he probably bet on the fact that she had no way to come after him to be moved to England. In theory, he would never have been aware of her current position and he should be in custody by now. 

Scotty was out of the infirmary with her shin bandaged and ready to return on the field. Her shoulders were painful, but nothing she couldn’t handle. She walked towards Price's office for a debriefing on what just happened, when she spotted Ghost ahead. She quickened her pace to catch him. "Thanks for the save back there, sir." She thanked him. Scotty knew it was his job, but it never hurt to be nice. 

"Don't mention it." He replied not even looking at her. They walked in silence together after that as they were both heading the same direction and room. 

Price was at his desk, face in his hands. He had to think carefully of their next step of action. He lifted his gaze only when the door closed behind Scotty. Soap and Gaz were already there, also rattling their brains on what could have happened. Price let out a sigh and shifted in his seat. “The only connection we had with Lambert is death, all proof except for the map Scotty took are considered gone. We need more than that if we want to find him.”

“What about the file she brought?” Gaz referred to the papers she shared about the recent activities on the first briefing. 

“Despite being recent activities, none of them connect to the current situation. At least not from the first glance of the map.” She said almost defeated. “However, I have much more information on his older activities on the BSF database. If I could just retrieve it, we might be able to work out something.” 

That sounded like the exact kind of good news they needed to hear. Price offered his seat so she could potentially login. Scotty found her way quickly on the Belgian Silent Force personnel only website. In a matter of minutes she was in, full access to all the reports she made and current work. “That’s odd.” She muttered. Price wondered what she meant, but Scotty didn’t reply. Her face changed from calm to concerned. She quickly scrolled up and down, fast and then slow. Her eyebrows frowned at each rolling movement. Even tried the search option. Yet, nothing came up. She let out a swear in French which took everyone by surprise. 

“Sorry.” She smiled. “But, I can’t find the dossier anymore. All that I had on Lambert is gone… Fuck it was all here before I left! How the fuck did it all vanished!”

“Either someone had access to the system or internal help?” Gaz tried. 

“That’s the only two options. First one is very worrisome while the second… I had this man under the radar for a while, nothing he did escaped me and I never saw if he had no connection with the inside.”

Scotty groaned with frustration. This was getting ridiculous. Since she teamed up with the 141, it felt like everything that could go wrong was and she felt like an idiot.  Price was leaning above her shoulder looking at the screen, thinking that maybe she just missed it; nothing. Scotty glanced quickly at the captain to try to see what he was thinking. A neutral concerned face. Her eyes then followed the lieutenant who was in front. He had his arms crossed and despite the mask, she could feel his glare. Great, he was probably thinking she was a waste of time, exactly what she needed… The other two sergeants were as concerned as the captain. 

But not all hope was lost. While 141 would examine the map and draw conclusions, Scotty would try to make some call back home. The file might have disappeared, but maybe someone could help her trace it back. Considering this fact, she should also notify her superior to be on the lookout for any suspicious activities. Pacing up and down the hallway as she called a colleague, her brain was restless. She missed something, something that could cost the life of many now that it seemed that Quds Force were also involved. A name that didn’t go unnoticed by Price. This small fact changed everything. It meant that if Lambert was working with them the risk of a bigger disaster was high. Added to this the military grade armament they found, they had to act quick. Gaz was the first one to point at the marked locations on the map connected all to one central point; Lambert’s ex company HQ. The one Soap and Scotty just infiltrated. The possibility of another bombing or hostage event was most probable if they followed the man’s pattern. One location actually matched the port the captain had been in. Reinforcing his theory. Their train of thoughts was disrupted as they heard a voice rise in the hallway, in a language they were not used to.  

“Sir! Please even without all of this we are still close enough to get him! …. No! I refuse! I do not care if it’s an order! … Give me two more days! …. Fuck, yes sir. Sorry sir.” When Scotty returned inside, she was greeted by the four men looking at her. “What?” 

“What was that about?” Soap asked before anyone else could. 

“That was hmm… my commander on the phone.” She grimaced. “He said that I’m wasting my time and should return to base.”

“Didn’t catch everything, but that didn’t sound like a calm conversation.” Price smirked. Scotty rubbed the back of her neck with a nervous laugh.

“I would be surprised if you know Dutch, sir. But indeed… it wasn’t. Nothing to worry about really. What did you find? On my side, nothing could be done to find the lost data, it was worth the shot.” 

Price explained their findings and the plan from there. Because of the spread out operations, they would have to work with more than just five. Price could call the SAS to get agents positioned at the designated places. However this had to be done without anyone knowing they were being watched. The death of Goldberg will already put them on alert, no reason to alert them more. If they know, they will disappear. The cities had enough CCTVs cameras around that the task force could request help to keep an eye on any sight of Lambert. The 141 and Scotty would be stationed near the HQ. Because of a lack of information on the time and date, they would have to stand outside and be ready at any moment. Price, Soap and Gaz will be wandering around the building, disguised as civilians. And because of Scotty's involvement before, she would have to remain on overwatch with Ghost. If Lambert sees her, he would most likely call off any operation he had planned. For now, the captain ordered his team to take a rest while he did make some calls. They had, according to numbers found on the map, only one day to prepare everything. 

Scotty tried her best to sleep the rest of the night, but her mind was restless. The more she thought about what was unfolding, the more it felt like she was missing a big piece of the puzzle. The one that would explain all the bullshit that was going on since she landed in England. She berated herself for being so careless and to provide botched intel. Eventually Scotty fell asleep, but wasn’t rested when the first ray of the sun timidly showed up in the foggy morning. Her brain was still rattling to connect the dots even now, it was exhausting. Vaguely remembering where the mess hall was, Scotty made her way there to grab something to eat. On her way there, she spotted Soap and Ghost in a lounge room, sipping their coffee in peace. At least Soap was. She greeted them. 

“How was sleeping?” Soap smiled. Without even asking, he poured her a cup and handed it.  

She returned the smile and grabbed the mug. It tasted bitter! She usually drowns her coffee with sugar and milk. “As good as you can have when you can’t stop thinking.” 

“If your intel was good from the start, we wouldn’t be there.” Ghost dropped casually. No accusation in his tone, but still could hear some annoyance.

“Excuse me?” She raised an eyebrow. He stood up, the chair loudly creaking under him.

“Let’s say you leave a bad first impression. Everything is going to shite since you arrived. I have seen better recon specialists, much better.” He didn’t mince his words. He grabbed his mug, walked to the sink to dump whatever was left and walked out the room without more. Scotty was speechless. Frowning like she just had been insulted, which yes was the case, she turned to Soap who was casually sipping his drink.

“What the fuck is his problem?” She dropped once her brain had fully reseted.

“None, he is always like this. Don’t take it personally. On the fields you can count on him no matter what, but outside? It takes him a while to warm up to people.” 

It was true that she had only met them only a day or two ago. She couldn't really expect them to all be as welcoming as… She snorted. Technically, the other three operatives had been welcoming. Price as a captain probably hadn’t many choices. Soap and Gaz could have been jerks, but no they had been quite nice. Only Ghost seemed to have issues with her. He was right in a sense that she didn’t give the best first impression. But how could she have predicted that all of this would go from bad to worse?

Eventually in the late morning, early afternoon, the task force was called in the briefing room. Agents from the SAS, CCTV agencies and other military personnel were seated to listen as to what their task would be. Scotty was put under the spotlight when it came to explain which man they were after. Not that she minded it wasn’t the first time she had to speak to an audience. Once everyone was clear on their task, it was time for the real thing. 

Stationed in an old building across the HQ, Scotty looked through the scope. They had set up a stakeout last night so they would be ready as soon as the working crowd would start to flood in. The street wasn’t too busy once the 8 to 9 hour rush passed, she easily spotted the three men who scouted the surrounding area.  

“Roger that, 0-7 out.” Ghost replied to the radio and let out a sigh. “Don’t lose sight of anyone will you?”

Scotty hummed an answer, not even wanting to bother. Her eyes followed Gaz for a moment, she warned him about a suspicious individual at his 3 o’clock. It turned out to be nothing. Four hours went by and no sign of either Lambert or Quds Force. Had they been tipped off again about what was going on? No. This time she didn’t even take the time to inform her commander of what was happening. Too focused on finally catching the man. 

“CCTV 5-896 here.” A voice came through. “Back of the building, emergency exit on the north-east side, there’s someone matching Lambert's description.”

Finally some good news! Price ordered Gaz to come with him through the back. Soap had to enter the building with Ghost providing cover. Scotty would remain on the lookout for anything else suspicious. The captain and sergeant carefully made their way to the back, arriving just on time to see someone opening the door for Lambert to get it. With only a fraction of a second to act, Price jumped to grab the door before it would completely close. He gestured to Gaz to silently follow him inside. 

Soap entered the building who was slightly more lively. Looking at his watch it was lunch time, indeed people would be gathering here and there a lot more than during work hours. That was the perfect time to strike something. With Ghost watching him like a hawk, he walked around the lobby, on high alert.

Scotty couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. Why would Lambert join forces with terrorists from another country against his company? Even if it was because he wanted to make things right for the shady trials that were done in the country Quds Force were, that was very extremist on his part. Not only that but why suddenly dip in illegal weapons trading? Military grade even, well at least they looked like standard weapons used, which was probably stolen property thanks to Lambert's new allies. She scouted the street as her brain was burning to connect all. Two gray vans rolled in opposite directions. They parked right in front of the building. It all clicked in an instant. Most of Lambert’s bomb attacks were never meant to hurt, only to scare. But this time? It wasn’t a bomb he had planned. Her hand flew to the radio and pushed the button. “Captain, there's no bomb! This is going to be a bloodbath!” 

Ghost shifted to look at her. “What do you mean? What’s going on?” Price asked in a whisper. 

“Two vans parked in front of the building… the weapons… Quds Force… They are not taking hostages today!” 

Ghost’s head snapped back to his scope to look at what she meant. Indeed when the doors opened from the vehicle, men with scarves, masks on their faces were visible. “There’s hostiles coming your way Soap. Possibly armed.” 

A door slamming behind him, brought him back to his surroundings. He looked above his shoulders to see the room empty. “Fucking hell don’t tell me!” He returned to his scope and saw Scotty running across the street, a bulletproof jacket in hand, avoiding being seen by the enemies and she entered the building. 

She pushed the door, getting a few puzzled looks from everyone. She was in full gear standing out from everyone else in the big hall. The security guard didn’t waste time to catch up with her, but she was faster to catch up with Soap who was rather surprised to see her. “What are you doing here? You are supposed to be with Ghost.” He inquired. 

“You're gonna need a hand. And more plates.” She handed him the bulletproof jacket that he quickly put on. 

“Excuse me, I don't know what is going on here, but I’ll ask you to come with me or exit the perimeter.” The guard said.

Scotty grabbed his shoulder. “What is going on here is that in a few seconds you have a group of armed personnel who are going to come through that door and start shooting. So get everyone out of here now!”

“You expect me to belie-” He was interrupted when a gunshot came from behind them. The two soldiers turned around handguns at the ready, to see Lambert standing on the central counter. They could have shot him right and here and there, if it wasn’t from the panic of the crowd and the new rounds of shoot being fired. It was pure chaos. Civilians ran everywhere to take cover, others ducked flat on the ground making it a hazard for the runners and death bodies started to drop. On the opposite, ten men, armed with automatic rifles, approached shooting at anyone they had in their way. Soap and Scotty didn’t waste another second and opened fire back. But not before, she fired on Lambert who realized who was standing in front of him. She got him in the chin. The man yelped in pain and fell down. At the same time, one of the attackers dropped dead, headshot on the back. This took all of them by surprise. A window of opportunity for Soap to aim at one and hit him on the chest. 

They all quickly dodged for cover once they figured out they were surrounded. Price and Gaz showed up on time and they also took cover. 

“That’s a little extreme isn’t it?” Gaz commented. 

“You don’t say!” Scotty groaned, ducking back after attempting to take a shot. 

“How did you figure this out?” Price asked. He got one that dropped right in the middle of his track to change position. 

“Instinct? This was a much more calculated operation. He had many allies and new gears, then the vans showed up. It just clicked.” She admitted. Another sniper shot echoed in the hall. Scotty looked over her cover to see how the situation was. Many civilians were still in the crossfire, seven out of ten attackers always standing and… “Son of a bitch!” 

Lambert was attempting an escape despite his wound. He escaped her once, not this time. Cover me was all she asked the 141 as she jumped back in the action to run after him. One of the attackers saw this reckless act and took the chance to shoot at her. Price reacted fast, however not fast enough. The bullet still hit her. Scotty groaned in pain that did not stop her though. She kept going after Lambert who in a desperate attempt started to fire back. She dodged it by jumping in a nearby room. “It’s over Lambert! Surrender now!” She yelled.

“Not till they realize what they have done to thousands of innocents!” 

“What do you think you are doing here! Not much better!” Scotty mounted her gun on the door frame and leaned to check how the situation evolved. Lambert was standing in the hallway, a young man held in a choke hold and gun pointed at him. Not good. Scotty slowly raised from her spot, gun aimed at Lambert. “How is killing innocent people here, will change anything?” 

“Please!” The young man begged. “I don’t want to die!”

“Shut up! I tried to bring attention to the company, but no one listened! I tried to scare them and it changed nothing. I tried the pacifist route, time to speak the only language they understand, death!” 

“Come on Lambert, this kid has nothing to do with all this. Let him go.”

Lambert tightened his grip and pressed the muzzle harder against the man's head. “She is right sir.” He cried out. “I’m just an intern! I did nothing!”

Lambert was getting agitated. “Fuck! He promised you wouldn’t find me! Fuck!”

“Who?”

“Shut up! Fuck this was not supposed to happen!” Footsteps echoed from behind the sergeant. Lambert saw the three men coming towards them. “Don’t come closer or I’ll shoot!” 

The captain and two sergeants stopped only a few meters behind Scotty. The tension was high. One wrong movement, word or look could end in an innocent man dying. Lambert stepped back, eyes locked on the task force, if they dared a single step forwards… “Lambert, for the third time, let the kid go and let’s talk about everything. We can find a peaceful solution.”

“You think I’m stupid! No court will let me out of prison till I die, there’s no peaceful solution.” He armed the gun.

A shot fired. And a scream echoed. 

Her eyes never blinked once even after the body hit the floor. The young man collected himself and made a run for his life in the direction of the soldiers. Scotty didn’t want things to end up like this, but with the life of an innocent at stake, it’s all she could do. Reasoning with Lambert was impossible. His body lay down on the ground, motionless, blood slowly covering the carpet where the shot had pierced his head. She lowered down her weapon and turned to Price who looked at her unfazed. He would have probably made the same call. 

While everything went down to the HQ, the other teams raided the location simultaneously putting an end to any further risk from these specific operations. Once all the heat had died down, SAS cleaned up the mess, paramedics were called from all stations to tend to the wounded and critical states. Meanwhile the 141 and Scotty returned to the base. Now that this was all done, she could return home, more or less at peace. Something was still missing. Who helped Lambert? The only reason why she regretted killing him was that this will remain a mystery for a little longer. If she could ever get to the bottom of this.

Pack hanging from her shoulders, Scotty let out a sigh. It was time to return home and for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to be happy to do so. She had barely spent three days with the team and wished they could work again together… Would it be wild to say that she wouldn’t mind working for the 141? A crazy idea that Scotty pushed aside for the moment. But the sense of urgency, the action, the quick thinking and fast pace, she never experienced that in such a short time. Usually, even with the big cases, it took longer to get from start to finish, the adrenaline rush wasn’t the same. She closed the door of the room and headed to Price’s office. 

Scotty knocked on the door and a faint coming in rose from behind. Price was there talking with Ghost, it felt like she was interrupting something important. "I can't come back later." She proposed. 

"No, it's alright, lass. We were done." Price reassured. He grabbed a backpack under his desk and threw it on his shoulder. "Time to go, Scotty."

She frowned. She came here to say goodbye and thanked him for all that they had done for her. But the way he was acting now, why did he sound like he was also going on the plane? "You are going somewhere, sir?" She played dumb. Which dragged what she swore to be a snort from Ghost and his shoulders quickly moved up and down. Probably the closest thing to a laugh she saw coming from this man. So he had a sense of humor! 

"I'll be accompanying you back to your base. Laswell wants to make sure that your superiors get good words for your work."

"And it has to be in person? Not that I mind the company traveling back but wouldn't it be simple to send a message, letter I don't know."

Price and Ghost exchanged a look. She was wiser than she made it look. Price reassured her by explaining that he anyway had business to attempt in a nearby country, so a quick stop wouldn't be an issue. Scotty shrugged it off and half an hour later they boarded the plane back to Belgium. 

At the landing, Scotty was rather surprised to not see Commander Peeters standing there ready to chew her up as soon as she stepped a foot on the tarmac. Thinking about the last conversation she had with the man, it was obvious she would be in trouble for her disrespect. Only his assistant, who urged her to go see him.  She guided the captain throughout the building to her commander's office. At the door, waiting outside they saw a familiar face. 

"Laswell?" Scotty wondered. The woman lifted her eyes from her device.

"John, Moreau. Glad to see you here." She offered a smile. 

"I didn't know you would be there." The sergeant returned the kindness with a shake of hands. 

"This mission sort of became mine when I assigned the 141 to help, it's only wise to see it's complete resolve from where it all started. It's a shame that Lambert had to die, he could have given us more information on Quds Force." Scotty raised an eyebrow. "I read it in the captain's report." 

"That was quick, sir." She scoffed. "I still have to write mine." Price gave a pat on her back. She excused herself to have a talk with her commander. The door closed silently behind her, the man never lifting his head from the papers on his desk. She cleared his throat, not even a reaction. 

"Good afternoon sir." She attempted. 

"Take a seat, Moreau." The commander finally got up from his, went to the door and locked it. Scotty took a deep breath ready to get chewed on. "I'm very disappointed in your attitude these last days. Going above my authority to get what you want, yelling at me when I calmly asked you to come back because this was going nowhere."

"Sir, if I'm may…"

"No, you may not." He dryly interrupted her. "I don't care what you have to say. If you can’t respect your superior, I don't think you deserve that promotion." 

"Sir, wait! Laswell is the one who…"

"Enough! I'm not done! Not only do you not follow the directive, but now our only suspect is dead. What if he had more allies? Why did you have to shoot him?" He leaned close, glaring at her.

Time stood still for a moment. Scotty looked at her commander worried. Not because she lost her promotion but… "Sir, I haven't written my report to you yet… how do you know about this?" 

Peeters’s expression changed quickly and he shifted back up, uneasy. "I… I have my contacts." 

If he had been wise enough he would have said he read it in Price's report that Laswell could have given him prior to this meeting… but his non verbal spoke for him. This was all she needed to finally connect what was right under her nose. 

It came all crashing down like the biggest slap in the face she ever received. That was why he tried to get her off the case, she was getting too close. When they raided Golberg's house, she did call him first and told him too much, he tipped off Lambert about their arrival which would explain why they missed him by not much. The missing files in the database, he erased all of them. The weapons transfers must have been approved by him… And the only reason why they succeed in catching Lambert this time was because she kept most of her newest information to herself. Otherwise, the terrorists would have called off the attack. Her eyes glared at the commander, Scotty kept it together. Her fists clenched on the armrest. Rage was boiling up inside her chest, her breathing was fast. "It was you." She dropped. 

Peeters adjusted his uniform, more as a nervous tic than a need. But his demeanor changed quickly. As if the man in front of her was someone completely different. He walked calmly behind his desk. "You can't prove anything. In the end, it is your word against mine and who do you think higher up will believe? Now, I'll be waiting for your report on my desk by this evening."

"You… How! Why!" Scotty stood up, slamming her hands on the table. The commander didn't flinch. It was from this angle that Scotty saw it. His hand under the desk. "You wouldn't dare kill me when there's people outside?"

"I think we both know that this wouldn't be the worst thing I have done." They remained at a stand still for a moment. Waiting for the other to make the first move, tension rising up at every click of the clock. What could she do? Jump on him and defend herself? It was probably what Peeters hoped to make it look like she was the one to have been a threat. Run to the door? He wouldn't hesitate to shoot her and god know what excuse he would find to save his ass. She could call for help… but the door was locked. Sweat rolled down her temple, she never looked away for a second. Something had to be done and now. The only weapon she had with her was a throwing knife, however her intentions were not to kill the man. He had to stay alive and face the consequences of his acts. 

"Why would you even do this? Why would you betray us?" Scotty questioned. 

"We are not military, Moreau. We are something different and…"

"We are still sworn to protect our country and the civilians! Not bring terrorists and bombs all across it! Did you agree with Lambert? That our government and this company should pay for what's going on in other countries? Your sentiments might be in the right place, but your actions are not!"

"Wise as always. I didn't lie when I told Laswell that you were one of my best assets… it's a shame to waste it." 

Fight or flight. Scotty pushed herself quickly over the desk to grab the commander's arm before he would pull out the pistol. The man moved a step back, almost tripping on his chair, but was able to avoid her. In the action, all the paper and computer's screen that on the desk went flying in a loud noise. A noise that alerted Price and Laswell on the other side, as if the heated conversation hadn't already but it was hard to understand what they were even talking about when it was a language they didn't understand. 

The sergeant rolled off the desk, fell flat on the ground and pushed herself back up ready to tackle the commander. The man had anticipated her actions; he was anchored, immovable. Peeters grabbed her shoulders and hit her in the stomach with his knee. She let go of him with a groan. He took this opportunity to grab the pistol. Before he could aim at her, Scotty grabbed his arm, twisted in his back forcing him to let go of the weapon. She kicked it away. Peeters yelped in pain. His remaining free arm was enough for him to elbow her in the face. She bit her lip and the taste of blood overwhelmed her mouth. Scotty lost her footing, Peeters went for a frontal tackle. Both hit the ground, Scotty harder than him, knocking the air out of lungs. The commander punched her in the face. She barely had the time to protect herself from the second blow. "Captain!" She screamed. 

Peeters was taken by surprise. Now was her chance. She hit him hard on the side. The commander growled, moving off her with the impact. Scotty rolled on her belly, ready to jump back on her feet and aim for the door. He was quicker and grabbed her by the hair, pulling her back to him. Meanwhile, Price was pounding on the door, slamming with his shoulder to open it. 

The commander grabbed her in a chokehold, his arm pressed tight around her neck. Even using his second arm to apply as much pressure as he could. "It's over, Moreau! You can't win, you were never meant to." He whispered in her ear. Scotty struggled to get him off. Her body jerked in all directions, feet kicking to push him back, arms trying to loosen the grip or hit him, nothing. She gasped for air, but none filled back her lungs. 

The door came crashing. Scotty choked on a call for help. "Let go of her now!" Price barked at the commander. 

Peeters didn't not. "She attacked me first!" He yelled back with a strong accent. His grip tightened even more to the point Scotty swore her neck was about to be snapped. Through her blurry vision, she could see that Price and Laswell had nothing to force him. In a last attempt, she jerked her foot in a direction. Price followed and saw the pistol on the ground. Without hesitation he grabbed it and aimed at the commander.

"Don't make me repeat myself!" The pistol clicked. The commander admitted defeat. 

Scotty was about to pass out when his arm loosened. Air rushed back in, she caught violently and choked on a few breaths. Laswell intervened to grab her and pull her away from the commander. Price was always aiming at the man.

The racket alerted other operatives in the area who rushed to the scene. Including the second-in-command of the base. He entered the room rather surprised by the scene unfolding. "What's going on here?" 

"Fucking Commander Peeters is a traitor!" Scotty choked. Her throat hurted. "He worked with Lambert and the terrorists! He fucking betrayed us!"

The commander slowly stood up, hands up. The second-in-command looked at his superior silently asking if this was true. A question that got no answer. "What proof do you have about these accusations, sergeant?" 

Scotty opened her mouth to explain what she found, even if nothing had concrete hard proof, but Laswell was faster. "Sergeant Moreau here has actually been the one to reinforce proof we had about your commander sir. Whatever she can add, will be supported by ours." 

Scotty looked at Laswell bewildered. What was going on? Laswell explained how the CIA had been into Commander Peeters for a while now, how they retraced some shipments all the way to here that, now thanks to Scotty's help, made in his name. Second-in-Command Willems was still skeptical but to not risk anything, he agreed to put Peeters under custody till he could either clear himself or Laswell could prove his guilt. 

*****

Sat on the infirmary's bed, Scotty winced when the alcohol rubbed on her wound. Price was standing there watching with a smile. When the nurse was done, she left the sergeant and captain alone. Scotty put back her jacket, lifting her head to meet the captain's eyes. "So, she only helped me because that was an advantage to her?" 

Price chuckled. "No, kid. You two just happened to need each other. You needed someone to keep going with your operation, she needed someone that could fortify her findings, in a situation you were both working on. Don't take it like you were used."

"But I was, in a way." She held her head in her hands with a groan. "I get what you mean captain. Don't worry. It explains why she was inclined to help a total stranger in the first place."

"No hard feelings?" He took a seat next to the bed. 

"Not at all. Not toward you or her… only my commander. I held him in such high regard and, despite my sometime talkback, always respected him… it's a little bit of a blow." 

"Betrayal is always a tough pill to swallow. I hope you are ready to testify against him. You know this might happen."

"He tried to kill me, sir. I'll be more than glad  to testify." They both laughed heartily. Scotty began to fidget with her fingers. "May I ask you something, sir?"

"Call me Price. What is it, Scotty?" 

She softly smiled when he emphasized on her callsign. "Working with the 141 was… I really liked that. The team was great to work with." Even if Ghost was a little bit of a cold bitch. Well the only good word he said was that she did a good job after the assault on the HQ. First and last compliment she got from him since she had arrived. "From what Soap and Gaz told me about your previous missions, your job seems more interesting than what I do."

"Interesting is one word to describe it." He smiled.

"What I mean is what you do really has a larger scale impact on everything… And… well the worse you can say is no, but…"

"You want to join?" She nodded. "Let me talk with Laswell. But you might have to get approval from your new commander."

Scotty thanked him, holding down a much more excited reaction. She didn't want to put too much hope into this. 

******

Ghost was standing on the tarmac wondering why Price asked him to retrieve something important. Soap was also there, looking rather more restless than usual. They had heard from the captain what happened two weeks prior when he traveled with Scotty. It was an impressive turn of events. In the meantime, life had returned to normal for the 141. Well Soap had been corresponding with Scotty at that time and he knew a little secret. The reason for his demeanor as the helicopter landed. 

"What's the matter, MacTavish?" He asked. 

"Nothing, Lt." The Scotsman replied, yet he had a grin on his face. 

"Something I should know?" 

"See for yourself." He nodded in the direction of the heli. Ghost returned his focus on it and saw Scotty jumping down from it. That was a surprise. She quickly ran to them as the heli started its engine to fly back. 

"It's good to see you again." She greeted them. 

"What are you doing here?" Ghost wondered. "Need help again?"

"No sir. I'm here to be officially part of the 141." It was hard to read him behind the mask. She couldn't tell if he was surprised, happy or angry by this. All he did was a small nod. 

"Welcome back." 

They took her back to Price who made her sign a few more papers. Being classified as an international task force, adding someone like Scotty wasn't much of an issue. Commander Willems allowed her to 'quit' the BSF, on the condition that she would come back to the country once in a while. Especially when the time will come to bring Peeters to martial court. Otherwise, she was free to be part of her new team. 

This was a big decision and change, something Scotty was used to, from joining the military to the Belgian Silent Force and now the 141, this would only be a new challenge she was happy to accept. 

[mistahgrundy]

IRL - went outta town

ok so I was just up in Denton for a wedding. Very nice wedding, I wore a blazer, which was so nice to do. I hardly ever have a reason to dress up. Lots of fun. there's probably a photo of my husband pretending to hit me with a chair in the reception hall lol, I hope I get to see that eventually. We couldn't hear shit in there so we resorted to mime humor. violent mime.

I had hella travel anxiety because I uhhhh I don't like to travel!! I mean I have health problems and a cat I miss when I leave and it's tornado season and uh yeah. it's 90% illogical with some little for reals things thrown in.

So I didn't sleep at all the night before we left.

Then on the way up we had to drive past a tornado warned storm. TO BE CLEAR, we were in no danger. Absolutely none. We were on i35 and the storm was out kinda northwest of Killeen. Up by Gatesville. And if you're familiar with central Texas that should give you some idea of how far away it was. The red warning box wasn't yet touching where we were. But still I tried to see it from the highway to no avail. it's been a very long time since I've actually SEEN a tornado, and that last time was in Ohio when I was a little child.

It was fun to joke about flooring it when we got to Jarrell. Sorry Jarrell. You are central Texas's Moore. That's some person who watches a lot of weather related videos gallows-humor for you!

anyway it was a pretty uneventful drive tbh. It didn't even rain until we got up to Fort Worth basically, somehow. So I didn't get to roll down the windows on the south side to smell all the bread and beer factories.

Sidenote: when I was a little kid one of our field trips at school was to the Mrs. Bairds bread factory. I barely remember it.

Our hotel room in Denton was one of those weird ones that people can live in, so it had a little kitchen and a couch. Extended stay I guess. Those are nice but they are FULL of divorced dudes. Divorced men in Punisher themed trucks as far as the eye can see. When we pulled up Punisher truck guy was BBQing in his truck bed!! And later on when I was setting up the Roku we saw a wifi signal named Punisher. His very existence has owned us.

I did not sleep. Bed make back hurt. Weird room weird bed weird sounds.

At the wedding I had one job and it was to be the first to stand up when the bride entered so everyone else would see me stand and also stand and no one stood up!!! it took like... an agonizing amount of time for people to realize oh right standing. damn it guys. Oh well. Also around that time I realized I forgot to put on deodorant that morning. x_x I checked later though and it was fine, no smell.

A whole day running on two days of no sleep and barely eating I thought for sure the last night I will get some sleep. Surely! But no. I just laid there again for 8 hours like. ah. ok. cool. my brain is broken.

3 days of no sleep.

I bought a little metal sculpture for my yard in West at Slovacek's. It looks like a little piranha plant from mario 3. The little ones that would hop around. kinda.

So here I am woken up from a little 3 hour nap at home. Still exhausted.

Seth was telling me about Frenchy's when we were in Denton. I didn't grow up there so I don't know about this denton institution! There's all these little parked food lookin trucks around town that sport american flags and are all painted different. I passed a smiley face one and a remember our vets one and one about volunteering. It's just some cleaning company or something like that. Frenchy's! Some old Italian guy runs it named Frenchy. Then on the way out of town there was a billboard from Frenchy reminding us to get vaccinated. Done and Done, Frenchy.

Not Frenchy, just some ultra Texas looking old couple I snapped a secret photo of on the way out of Denton. His hands weren't grey, my phone's camera was just having a bit of a time.

Dude's rockin' a kerchief to the applebee's

[zarinthel]

Its so cool that you're doing the dvd commentary ask meme!! Im really curious about chapter 4 of fallow fields (and all the other chapters too but especially that one ;-; )

chapter 4 of fallow fields, lol. I wonder why.

Alright, let's start from the top.

So my first mistake was openly declaring that Seiko and Kakashi's birthday is only a week apart, making every chapter after this much harder to fudge dates on due to the fact that they need to almost always be four years apart instead of the /1 week/ where they are five years a part. terrible idea and I should not have done this, no matter how well it worked for this one chapter. learn from my mistakes: do not do this.

so the big thing about this chapter is that "this is the chapter where sakumo dies". of course. so im writing everything with the understanding that this is the last time we're ever going to see him. he'll be haunting his kids, of course, but this is his last chance to be alive. and he knows it, too. since he, more than anyone, knows "this is the chapter where sakumo dies". he's already decided to die before the chapter opens up. that's why he's quiet, peaceful, and happy.

he wants his kids to have good memories. that's important to him, in a hypocritcal way. he wants kakashi to have a birthday party. he'd have thrown one for seiko if she'd let him, but she won't.

he feels immensely guilty over seiko, because he feels that he has let her down by failing to protect her from harm. if only he'd taught her better, maybe she would have not gotten so injured-- if only his enemies had not targeted her, she would have been fine. He also thinks that she's too mature, that she grew up too fast, that the girl he raised is gone and instead he's got a ninja who he can't even relate to through training. sad!

Hoheto's in this chapter. he's very important for the story, so whenever seiko has a "turning point chapter", its necessary for us to check in with him and see how her reflection is doing. cute

Kakashi and Seiko have a cute familial moment, and you have to understand-- their father is dead already during this convo. the worst has happened. they just dont know it yet. Their arguing over uniform size because I wanted to emphasize how small and young kakashi was, and i bring up seiko's wrist pain to emphasize how fragile she is.

this is so it will hurt more.

lol.

the death is off screen because i feel having on screen suicide can be immensely tacky.

anyway, we immediately timeskip to the next morning. Seiko has gone to work. in world she has gone to work because it didn't occur to her not to: out world she has gone to work so that ensui can accompany her. i like ensui, and the next few chapters are going to be showing whats left of her saftey net now that her dads dead, so its overhwemingly important that we see him now, when she needs him most.

ensui is not great at grief, but he's responsible enough to try. which is sweet of him.

asuma! to me asuma is like the calendar of the world. everytime we see him hes in a new stage of his life, so you get to be like Oh my god. time. its passing. that's so scary. and also he's dead in canon so your like wow all of that and hes fucked.

kakashi telling seiko he's moving out. yeah. not like this is something thats going to haunt him for the rest of his life. its understandable why he did it but was it responsible? but at the same time, its not his job to be responsible. hes 6

duy < 3 i always intended the chapter to end here because i really didn't want this to be THE ANGST CHAPTER. like. thats why sakumo dies in the middle. so im not ending on it like its a cliffhanger.

"im so sorry, seiko". no one else is ever going to cry for sakumo, ever going to apologize to her for how bad this part of her life is. except for him.

ah, and might gai. he's young. but hes truly the best that konoha will ever have. and i wanted to emphasize that seiko...

her disabilities are severe. if she didn't have someone like gai she would struggle horribly. because unlike what sakumo belived, her life without him is /worse/.

[nikethestatue]

I saw the anon ask about Illyria and your response with self-insertion. I totally agree. Maybe it’s an unpopular opinion but I honestly don’t think Nesta’s mental health journey was even that great. Idk- I felt it was strange and out of character for Nesta to have resorted to the coping mechanisms she engaged in- sex and alcohol, to begin with. Nesta is an externalizer and I could see her spewing her vitriol…but sleeping around and alcoholism? It seemed out of left field to me. It just felt like such a missed opportunity to explore her powers & flesh things out. She was contained to the house of wind in this contrived scenario and it had this institutionalization feel for mental health, imo. We heal by quarantining ourselves from others and not engaging in the real world? I understand this is a fantasy world, but as we overlook these other grossly problematic plot-lines to praise the mental health journey, it’s difficult for me to pretend it was…good. Maybe that’s an unpopular take- people obviously love the book.

I understand the library is a safe-haven, don’t get me wrong, but the entire messaging from a mental health standpoint was- separate from the world and re-engage when you’re ready? That’s an exceptional mental health journey to people? Again, big institutionalization vibes. Don’t ever have a meaningful conversation with your sisters, but isolate yourself away and train and get dick therapy? There’s a reason they discourage dating in early alcohol/substance abuse recovery…it just fell flat for me.

I also agree with you about these very contrived friendships amongst the Valkyries for the same reason above. Let’s see how they actually engage in the real world. Outside of this institutionalized/residential healing center scenario. Then, I will buy that they are ‘sisters’ and have such an entrenched bond. It seems inauthentic.

I thought the entire ‘training to heal’ plot had big “the gym is my therapy” vibes. Not that exercise can’t be helpful with mental health, but the training focus, in addition to essential social isolation and banishment to a home you are literally stuck in that provides your every desire, is healing? The only part of the “healing journey” I found semi-decent was the hike, and even that was wrapped up in this weird threat to her life and that whole bizarre Feyre’s womb plot. And it was with Cassian, which is fine, but why are we not having a sit-down as sisters? That’s all just brushed over bc Nesta altered anatomy? I hate it. I’m sorry.

Anyways, I’m always shocked by how people relate to that journey and feel it was so amazing. To each their own, but blah lol.

I guess I’m not really asking anything, but I am interested in your thoughts.

I absolutely agree with you.

The idea of the Library is a good one in theory--a place for abused/traumatised women to have as a sanctuary. However, it also does have this vibe of an asylum for sure. Like if someone is unable to speak in 80 years, and hasn't dealt with their trauma to any significant degree, there is definitely an issue with this set up.

But I also feel like it's a strange theme of a lot of SJM's writings--this inability to move on, forget, forgive and be done. Like think about Mor, who is 540 years old, and can't forgive Eris for leaving her in the woods. Cassian destroying a whole village of people. Even Rhys, who told Tamlin that he can't EVER forgive him for how he made Feyre feel.

And the women in the Library seems like one massive exaggeration of all this perpetual trauma and inability to heal or move on.

Which, I think, goes back to the idea that SJM doesn't know how to tackle trauma. It's very superficial, and I really wish she didn't get into these grandiose subjects and pile it all on, and then come up with the most rudimentary of 'solutions'. Love. Working out. Friendship. All these external factors, which basically indicate that in her opinion only relationships can help you out of it. Not any type of self-help, self-actualization, self-guidance.

Ugh, and don't get me started on Nesta self-destructing with sex and alcohol. Absolutely makes no sense at all. But I think it was just an excuse to get Nesta into the House and keep her there.

[qqueenofhades]

PERSPECTIVE Q FOR U if you have the time!! Ive always dreamed of going back to school but my performance in undergrad was so unbalanced (straight A's for 3 semesters, then a withdrawal, then more A's then failing then incomplete etc.) And while my professors were incredible (and even asked me to do join a phd in archiving WHICH I SHOULD HAVE DONE!!!!!) and i remember almost everything we read and learned i didnt have a lot of direction and was im afraid a p mediocre student in the end. Since then i've been in government in DC and its been fantastic getting some impactful policy experience and the like but at this point its been almost half a decade out of school and i dont even know how to begin!! The trump "administration" was such a bonkers time to be a civil servant lol but DID help clarify the things i want now and the goals i want to achieve (crazy stuff like "feed hungry ppl," and "don't fuck up the earth too badly") almost definitely mean i have to go back for something. Idk do you have any colleagues/personal experience in making these kinds of academic pivots? I dont have any huge pedigree either im a state school scholarship girlie and the informational interviews ive done with dc area nonprofits and things have left me....less than impressed (lots of ivy leagues, lots of uhh baseline assumptions). Ok sorry this got long and reminiscent of reddit i'd love to hear your thoughts!

As ever, my advice would start with: is it financially feasible, do you know what degree you want (i.e. public policy, politics, economics, global affairs, is it something related to your present work or a total 180) and what school you want to go to, are you in the position to leave your current job, etc.?

Since you've been in the workforce for a while, that's practical experience that would help, and be easy to demonstrate for why you need the degree to enhance your career. If they do have questions about your uneven undergraduate transcript, hopefully you could get in contact with some old professors who could vouch for you and confirm that they invited you to the PhD program. Then again, graduate schools tend to be fairly forgiving as long as you can make a good case for why you want to join their program and adequately explain your previous academic career. I work at a good/highly-ranked private school, and our minimum GPA for admission to a graduate program is only 2.5. So there is probably more leeway than you think, if you're worried about your undergrad grades being an issue, and it's not like you have to be 4.0 in everything. Practical experience and a solid track record in a relevant field will also be helpful in demonstrating that you've done more since that time.

Likewise, and as ever: what is the financial situation? Are you in a position to leave your job, if that was to be necessary, and what kind of financial aid package can they give you? Is it mostly grants or mostly loans? Do you have, say, a partner who can continue to work and support you? Does the graduate program offer tuition support and/or a living stipend? As I've said before, they really should be paying YOU to do an advanced degree, rather than anything out of your own pocket. Is it possible to go half-time or full-time, and do you know how you want to apply it to your career when you're finished? Is there maybe an online program where you could take classes in the evening and/or in between work, or do you want the full campus experience? Do you perhaps just want a professional certificate or other enhancement to your qualifications, without having to spend the time and money on a full graduate degree?

Anyway, I obviously do support you if this is something you decide to pursue, and I think it's plenty doable. You'll have to do some logistics planning on your end and clarify what you want and where you want to go and what they'll give you in terms of money, but it's definitely something that can be achieved!

[bisluthq]

hi babe! i hope it's okay to ask you this! i was wondering, do you have any advice on how to be more assertive? i'm so tired of being treated like a pushover, but i don't really know how to stop it from happening. like, whenever someone is rude to me, i just freeze? i think i'm just shocked that they would be openly rude like that, and i don't really know what to do. i'm one of those people that want to avoid any kind of conflict, but i think that's what makes ppl treat me badly, and what makes them think they can walk all over me. and it's not that i wanna show them that i'm not a pushover, i'm just sick of always disappointing myself, you know? ppl always tell me that i'm a good person, but then they use me as their emotional punching bag, and i think it's because i don't i guess carry myself a certain way, or i don't have clear boundaries that say you can't treat me like this. but the problem is, i don't even know how to show that. i always just kind of retreat 'cause i can't believe someone would act the way they act. sorry if this is coming out of left field, you just seem like you would know what to do🩷

so I am fairly assertive but am also shockingly bad at boundaries lol which is something I’ve been working on kinda recently. I didn’t realize that I was because I *am* assertive in many respects but basically what I do is I let people do a bunch of things to/with me that I am uncomfy with and then it all gets too much and I freak out and like… either completely drop them (if I can and tbf I often figure out a way to lol like I’ve ghosted whole ass workplaces because I just didn’t know what to even say there and they were pissing me off lmao) or if it’s family and I can’t because yk I’ll still be related to them then I blow up at them and/or I go on like a self-sabotage spree but when I eventually calm down I do the same cycle again. I think the key to healthy boundaries - and this is like from my therapist and the books she’s given me to read lol - is establishing them early on. So you don’t need conflict then at all. If a person asks you to do something you really don’t want to do (justifiably obviously like if you just don’t feel like it and it’s a reasonable request then maybe just do it to be a nice person and this is where you have to be honest with yourself) just… politely say no. Like “can you pick up my kid from school?” “I’m sorry but even though yes I work flexitime my afternoons are very important to me and so I just can’t” kind of thing. People tend to get the message. You don’t need to be rude or impolite or harsh. Just politely don’t do things that you shouldn’t have to do or don’t want to do. And I know. I know. It’s hard. But in the long run, you’re gonna be happier and you’ll actually have healthier relationships all around.

[jumpywhumpywriter]

Bagh this is very random and not really related to anything but my brain got the random urge to ask it since it’s currently midnight and my brain is decidedly being more impulsive than usual, do you ever just watch completely random things and have just the most random feed for like YouTube or something?

Idk why I’m asking this, I just think it’s kinda funny about how I can go from watching videos about cheese making, unethical human experiments done in the past, how to develop video games, a guide for how to make an 18nth century tavern soup and said lore behind the soup, various very interesting documentaries about world building or video games or stuff like that, to why psychological horror works, to something about how eldritch bliss is scarier than eldritch horror (haven’t watched it yet but seems interesting) to various different memes sit written stories to worldbuilding advice to beating video games without using the core mechanics (think Minecraft without mining or crafting) and a mind boggling lot more things that I don’t even know how I built the feed

Feel free to ignore this, I’m just curious what sort of random info your brain decides to absorb/watch/learn at like 2 am. Like I have so many more things and so much random info that comes out at random in a conversation and I want to share it and augsiycosgeo-

Idk man my brain just decided to do this, it’s late, and I’m most definitely going to overthink sending this later but, uh, yeah. Learning random stuff is cool, what’re your thoughts (as much as you’re comfortable/willing to share)?

(Apologizing in advance before you see this because 1) I’ve established overthinking several times and can’t seem to stop and 2) don’t want to be annoying. So yeah, sorry if this is random or unhinged or just a completely left-field question lol)

ANYWAYS I hope you have a good day/night, stay hydrated, continue doing what your doing (writing) because it’s hecking awesome and I hope to build up Brian courage to ask questions about the Falkry, Shadow (if you’re alright with random questions, my brain came up with some and I’m genuinely curious/invested) :)

-idk

Yeah, I do!! I get the most random stuff on my YouTube feed sometimes. I might start with watching funny animal videos and somehow end up watching police arrests, random cool yarn projects, and a bunch of other confusing things I can't remember off-hand. It's pretty funny though. It usually all starts out nice and harmless but sometimes I end up with videos about psychological war and human experimentation and some dark stuff and I'll be like like "Yup, that's enough internet for the day my brain."

Weird how that works, isn't it?

I don't mind random questions at all by the way :) looks like we have a lot in common!