#sorry idk what any of this says
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
silly comic based on a time i struggled to read live on stream :thumbsup:
context clip compilation below ASDASDFASA
(cw for brief mention of hospitals/strokes)
#in stars and time#isat#isat odile#isat siffrin#isat spoilers#<- not big ones but the convo this stems from occurs on 3rd floor before king act 2 so#cw hospital#cw stroke#<- brief stroke talk in the clip thats why#odile i am so sorry for making u deal with the fact that i cant read#or just input words?? where there arent any??? i dont know why i do that????#these streams have made me realize i sometimes just autofill words when reading SAFADDA#also random side headcanon i was thinking of while drawing this#is odile speaks alot with her hands?#idk why i just think its fun?#and kinda makes sense as someone who has travelled a lot thru different countries?#personal observation but you can convey/tell a lot without knowing a much of a different language via body language#as someone who grew up with family who spoke a different language that i do not speak LMAO#especially hands!! those say a lot!!#reading body langauge/tone helped me a lot when guessing if what was being talked about a good thing or not#tho tone to a lesser extent since uh it can be hard to tell at times i think ASDFDA#so it makes sense to me???#the art of pointing in general location is a universal skill i think?? yea#to a lesser extent i think siffrin might do this? but more subdued/under the cloak so#the cloak ends up getting in the way 90% of the time so no one can actually see that lmao#okay tag talk over#no stream time today because weather boooooo storms
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4c76548e8428fec6dab69ab21f8fe7b0/4cd3205bffbbb100-07/s540x810/23e6734b1b8b8cf7c3fa0c97f303cf1eb6fed233.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/c57a2ab28c3124cb9759c4869d653c27/4cd3205bffbbb100-bb/s540x810/326509209d334ece5523506dc29091aa001ac9ad.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a4bc4519a949370fbf9fd642252fb318/4cd3205bffbbb100-67/s540x810/b26f114b0f46a0365e2775c01ae43fbab47fa8eb.jpg)
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/09b29f82501b1431a0db46ccfe758b53/4cd3205bffbbb100-69/s540x810/6630916001912b2d090b64db198b8df686d71100.jpg)
What if I built a robot version of you that makes it obvious that I completely misinterpreted your entire character? Haha, jk.... unless.....
#doodle#homestuck#gamzee makara#equius zahhak#this is for fun#and for me only#and I'm not arguing that this is in any way canon compliant#like i don't think Equius would allow himself to create something like this#i should probably stop trying to justify every thought i have but idk#um what im ultimately trying to say is#this is for fuuuuuun so don't think about the logistics here#i did think about them but they aren't in the pictures because that's the unfun part#god I'm so embarrassed and i don't even know why#im sorry for being like this#i can't help it these two make my brain fucking explode
354 notes
·
View notes
Text
Still some doodles of them :DD
#What's great with tua is that you can make any aus and say that it was one of the canon Timelines#five hargreeves#ofc he is the easiest one for me to draw I can't draw adults to save my life dshjds#Viktor Hargreeves#he deserves to be more violent on screen#allison hargreeves#there is one braincell for all the siblings and she has it most of the time help her#diego hargreeves#ben hargreeves#klaus hargreeves#my art#once again do not take this too seriously it's like half au/half hcs#idk how to explain but for me Five is as 58 as he is 13#He's making the biggest effort to tell his siblings where he goes for once#while bringing a gun of course#Luther and Diego makes me wanna jump off a roof to draw but I love them a lot too#tua#tua fanart#the umbrella academy fanart#the umbrella academy#umbrella academy#hargreeves siblings#the hargreeves#they make me very emotionnal I love them#ghost ben I miss you#I miss you sm n6 Ben#I shouldn't have given Klaus a shirt it was a reflex sorry Klaus#disclaimer I don't draw with references sorry I really try to :'))#they don't have the same faces every two doodles it's normal for now ahah
677 notes
·
View notes
Text
How cute would it be if Mc was feeling home/realm sick during the winter holidays, and the brothers surprise Mc by wearing reindeer outfits and gifting them a Santa outfit (Or a reindeer one)
#Why did I think there was only 7 reindeer#Excluding Rudolph in that count#I say we change it to 7 just for this jk#obey me!#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me nightbringer#obey me mc#obey me x reader#obey me demon brothers x reader#obey me brothers x mc#obey me lucifer x reader#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon x reader#obey me mammon#obey me levi x reader#obey me leviathan#obey me satan x reader#obey me satan#obey me asmo x reader#obey me asmodeus#obey me beel x reader#obey me beelzebub#obey me belphagor x reader#obey me belphegor#obey me belphie#idk what else to tag#As always Mc = reader#Wish they were real so they'd do this for me#Sorry if you dont celebrate or care for any winter holidays
213 notes
·
View notes
Text
#les mis#les miserables#Poll#jean valjean#fantine#Cosette#eponine#marius pontmercy#javert#enjolras#les amis#monsieur thenardier#madame thenardier#patron minette#bishop myriel#the brick#les mis letters#I don’t think I’m missing any one major but if so I’m very sorry#this book just got too many people in it idk what else to say man
345 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's a time-honoured tradition- every time Sam comes across Izzy (and Ed) in their travels, he asks Izzy to marry him. And every time, Izzy turns him down.
At this point, Sam is asking more for the sake of it than any belief Izzy will ever say yes, a remnant of childhood dedication touched with 30 years of heartbreak and regret- though even now, a small part of him still holds out hope. Sam's promises have only got more extravagant over the years, from a job as his first mate, to a captaincy, a fleet at his command, a whole fucking island if that's what Izzy wants- but he knows it isn't though, not really. If Izzy was ever going to agree to marry him, to leave his life and go with Sam, it wouldn't be for anything Sam could offer him. Izzy never did care for flashy shows of wealth, for a ship or to be captain. The only thing that ever mattered to him was loyalty given, and loyalty shown in return.
It all comes to a head after Stede left and came back, after Izzy lost a toe, lost his leg. Sam hasn't seen him since before things with Ed started to really slide off the rails, before stress permanently set into the lines of Izzy’s face. So, when he sees a dishevelled man with a hoof for a leg in a no-name port, he doesn't even consider the idea that he might know him. It's only when he turns towards him, and Sam catches a glance at those oh too familiar tattoos, he realises this is Izzy, his Izzy, that stands before him.
Knowing Izzy's discomfort with pity, he doesn't treat him any differently than he would in years gone by, positioning himself in Izzy's line of sight before approaching and sweeping him up into a bone crushing hug.
“Israel-goddamn-Hands!” he exclaims, as Izzy grumbles back a begrudging “Samuel-fucking-Bellamy”, a tradition almost as old as their friendship itself. Izzy might not hug him back, but he can’t keep the corner of his mouth from twitching, just for a second.
(If Sam holds Izzy a little tighter and a little longer than usual, well. That's his business)
By the time Sam lets go, most of the crew has appeared in the town square, drawn in by the commotion. They may have given Izzy his leg and welcomed him as one of them, but still there’s an underlying tension, with nobody quite ready to set aside everything that happened before the Kraken. Seeing him cosying up to an unknown man sets everyone on edge, unsure whether to come to their first mate’s aid, or to assume that they've been betrayed once again.
When Ed sees that the yelling was Sam, his hand goes tense where it's held in Stede's. He knows the routine, has seen it more times than he can count, but as he watches them part he realises that this is the first time in a long time he's unsure of what Izzy's response will be.
Knowing that something’s different, knowing that Izzy's feeling vulnerable already, Sam doesn't go for the same flashy proposal he’s been giving for years. He doesn't promise Izzy the world, he doesn't cause a scene (or, any more of a scene than he already has, anyway). He looks at the fractured man in front of him, takes his face in his hands, and says the exact same thing to him he said when they were little more than boys. “Israel, I have to ask you. I know what you'll say, but I have to try. Come with me. Marry me and sail away with me. I'll keep you safe”
And Izzy… hesitates. He glances over at Ed, at Stede, and says to Sam “...We’re staying in port for a week. Ask me again then”
That's the moment Sam knows there is something deeply, horribly, wrong. He's not just looking at an Izzy who got seriously injured in a fight and is struggling to cope, this is something so much bigger than that- and that Ed has something to do with it. Izzy wouldn't even be considering leaving if he didn't. Whether it was negligence or something more sinister, Sam doesn't yet know, but he intends to find out.
#i feel like the little paragraph about the crew is real clunky and out of place but i wanted some kind of establishment of where those#dynamics are at. its important that the crew is something for izzy to consider in his decision; but also that their relationship isnt so#solid he would stay for them alone; yknow?#im sorta aiming for a s2e5 era but like. early in those themes. he cant be all sorted yet i need him to be struggling#anyway this is part of a much larger scenario in my head that im never ever doing anything with but i wrote THIS bit in a daze in like. jun#and i got thinking about it again and i think?? it holds its own as a 'hey think about THIS' snippet. idk you decide#youre welcome to interpret this as solo bellhands but in my head it Has morphed into sam/izzy/ed/stede#because i cant not put edizzy in things any more. izzy has two hands#i also think the comedy potential of one of your boyfriends HATING your other boyfriend is gold. 10/10 dynamic#stede is mostly along for the ride in this but also i think they need him#aaaaand. the sam/ed bracket i think can only be closed in exceptional circumstances. i think they 'hate' each other too much#...which is WHY someones getting kidnapped!!! yay#anyway its all irrelevant because ill never write it out. i can do silly chill things but thatll require work#nyxtalks#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#israel hands#sam bellamy#bellhands#i wanna also say. the general concept of repeated sam proposals has been floating around my head forever#it used to be a more silly thing like i referenced at the start but. s2 gave me angsty feelings i guess#i cant not have izzy have feelings for ed right now which inherently adds layers to Any bellhands scenarios i think.#but yeah. its a Classic Bellhands vibe for me. sam seeing izzy at sea or on shore and asking him to marry him (again)#i like to do this with jackie too. i think i just want that man to be obnoxiously desired#(theres also layers of my personal hornigold era lore built into this but i hope it holds up without u knowing it. tldr. sam lost izzy by#being an idiot n fumbling the bag. thats what matters. izzy went with ed and sams been trying to fix it ever since)#i probably should have readmore'd this but i didnt think it was Quite long enough. or had a good break point. sorry <3
141 notes
·
View notes
Text
Here's all the Ikuni series characters (and the man himself) sorted by their astrological sign in case you were curious.
#Revolutionary Girl Utena#Mawaru Penguindrum#Yuri Kuma Arashi#Sarazanmai#Kunihiko Ikuhara#BUT I'M SORRY VIRGOS IDK WHAT TO EVEN SAY.#otherwise i need some astrology experts to weigh in on this one#everyone is lined up in each row based on bday order btw#and if a character isnt on here its simply i couldnt find an official bday for them. i hope i didnt miss any tho.#the main reason i included ikuni himself is because the characters he has let share a sign with is fascinating and kinda funny to me
210 notes
·
View notes
Text
Click for better quality!
Hey guys I'm still into wha btw, here's my art for the deciduous spells zine, just wanted to draw my favorite guys being happy for once.
I feel like my art always ends up being in a modern au idk how, it just keeps happening
#I don't talk enough about how much I love these guys#also can you tell this was my first time drawing Coustas and Tartah? Probably#this one is from September so it's a lil rushed bc I was going thru it with uni homework (I still am)#Man I want to make more fanart but something always comes up yk how it is#Wha zine#Wha fanart#coco witch hat atelier#Coustas witch hat atelier#Tartah#Coustas#atelier of witch hat#witch hat atelier#i drew something#Wha coco#Wha Coustas#Wha tartah#It's not really an old piece but tbh I probably would have done some things differently if I'd made it today#the composition never quite satisfied me with this one you have no idea how many sketches I made and none ended up looking good ughhh#But whatever what's done it's done life goes on and all that#Alt text#image description in alt#image described#image description in alt text#I feel like I always put too many tags saying the same thing#Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes in the alt text there might be idk English
87 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay, so the thing with wishing we could kudos every chapter of a fic.
i get it, we all want to hit the little like button more than once, it's the easiest way to express our approval/enjoyment/gratitude. i am going to address this to a generic 'you' (hello Y/N!) and assume that 'you' has either never posted fic to ao3 or hasn't posted both oneshots and multichapter works.
hits, kudos, comments, bookmarks. every marker of popularity (which many will interpret as quality) on ao3 is inadvertantly weighted in favour of works with more chapters. no, not longer necessarily, but with more chapters. go and sort a few fandoms by any of those stats and you'll probably be able to spot this trend in action right away.
oneshots are only at the top of a tag (by the default date sorting) once, and even if you re-read it you can only leave one kudos on it.
a multichapter can stay near the top of the update-sorted results for months if you time your chapter drops right, and of course every time someone comes back for the next chapter that's another hit, and being seen more it is more likely to end up with more kudos. you can still only leave one per work, though, which limits the effects to some extent. multichapter works still tend to overall outperform oneshots on stats, and the longer they are the more likely that becomes, but you'll still usually see a couple of oneshots on the first page if you sort that list by kudos.
and a lot of people (percentage unknown) do sort by kudos (or some other stat) and works at the top of 'by kudos' will thus attract more readers and more kudos. so there's an incentive to get as many kudos as you can on your fic, and if cutting it up into 250 chapters will help... well it already does, and that's had an effect whether writers will admit to dragging fics out a bit on purpose or not, but imagine if that effect were to become orders of magnitude more intense.
even if you personally prefer longer fics cut into fairly short chapters, you probably don't want to get your 150k epic in chapters of only a 100-300 words, do you? you don't want the oneshot writers to just give up when every page, no matter how they're sorted, is full of 5000-chapter works to the point that readers now riot when asked to read a whole 2000 words in one go. your fave author is now feeling insecure because chapter 12 didn't get as many kudos as the last one did.
and this is why ao3 will never let you leave kudos on every chapter. they're aware that the site already incentivises chaptering works and doing that more than you otherwise might. so you're just going to have to learn to put an emoji heart in the comment box.
#tldr; some of those '100k word novels' would not even be 100k novels if this wasn't already having an obvious effect on search results#and you want to *increase* that effect?#i see the op later added that this might help longfic writers get more attention. GIRL WHAT.#what the fuck is constantly at the top of every page in your fandom(s)?!#a oneshot has - ahem - one shot at getting any attention and then they vanish into the depths of time.#oh yeah and that's ANOTHER reason we have those shitty 'oneshot collection' works now!#they've seen other people stay at the top of the page forever and now they want a bite of that update pie too!#'chapter' 387/? coming soon!#look longfic writers i am SORRY that there's a stat where you too only get one of it per work but like... come the fuck on???#(yeah i know often multichapters do badly in 'kudos ratio' but that's not even an actual thing ao3 tracks for you. we made it up.)#(to torment ourselves further? idk but if they ever start showing us The Ratio i'm deleting everything.)#i know this post makes me seem like a bitch but i am a bitch so i can't say it's not an accurate impression of me.#damn i should have split it into 50 posts or so shouldn't i?
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
really love how throughout a lot of smith and jones martha is really skeptical and apprehensive towards ten (+ one of my favorite exchanges between them - "what, people call you 'the doctor'?" "yeah?" "well, i'm not. far as i'm concerned, you've got to earn that title."), not taking everything he says at face value, even doubting the fact he's an alien until over halfway through the episode.. And like. i really truly think the thing that wins her over isn't him kissing her or any of the other insane mixed messages he manages to send, it's this scene here, where he /earns that title/ in her eyes:
(+ david's bit in the commentary, where he says: "[the doctor] has actually sacrificed himself, and - i would say, that that final act of selflessness is what finally, eventually, welds martha to him. [...] and she now returns it. she returns that act of selflessness.")
this is what their relationship is built on. it isn't about martha being the second-best replacement to rose or a rebound or whatever. bc it isn't really about rose. it's about doctor-in-training martha meeting someone (quite literally, "the doctor") whose ideals she aspires to, and doing her best to be the same person to him as he is to everyone else. it's about ten in return admiring her intelligence and inquisitiveness and how she cares for human life, recovering his compassion, letting himself lean on her for support - and then remembering at the most inopportune moments that he's supposed to not need anyone and be on his own forever. And around in their little nightmare loop they go where they save each other over and over until one of them breaks
i've seen ppl look at martha and go "why she does she admire/why is she so in love with ten if he acts like that to her?" or something along those lines and like. it's not just the fact she's in love with him (in fact i'd argue she actively tries to push it aside post-gridlock). it's the fact that she knows he's the kind of person to put everyone else's lives/well-being over his own. she trusts him to save her when she's in trouble even though it's been like two days at most that they've known one another bc she recognizes that same "deep all-encompassing drive to help others" in him. and she also recognizes, much much earlier than him, that he needs someone to save him, especially when he's unwilling to save himself. and yeah for a bit she thinks he returns her feelings and is just playing hard-to-get, but she realizes pretty early on that this probably isn't the case, and i think that realization fully solidifies here:
(this is when she's listening to ten talk abt gallifrey). And idk it might just be me but i think this expression isn't just her empathizing with his loss. it's also guilt, for wanting something from him that he's clearly unable to give when he's wracked with so much grief. (and you see it in the next episode, where tallulah asks if they're together and martha says for certain that they're not, and that he doesn't know about her feelings for him. she keeps everything to herself bc she now knows that when he shut her flirting down at the end of 3x01 it was the genuine reaction of someone who a) isn't interested and b) is scared of getting close with someone else again)
freema described their dynamic as "she's keener than him" and i think about this all the time. martha doesn't really take what ten throws at her. what she does instead is constantly poke holes in his already-failing front of "i will show someone the wonders of the universe so i can ignore what is wrong with me". what she does is stand up and fight him when he tries to go off on his own. what she does is put aside her well-being in favor of helping someone - just like what she saw him do for the people in the hospital when they first met. tldr, that's the doctor and his doctor and rip martha you would've loved who's gonna save u now by rina sawayama
#THIS ISNT ABOUT ROSE WE CAN STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT WHITE GIRL FOR 1 SECOND. IDC#ALL SHE DOES W REGARDS TO MARTHA IS REMIND HER THAT TEN ISNT GOING TO FALL IN LOVE W HER.#ALL SHE DOES W REGARDS TO TEN IS REMIND HIM THAT EVERY TIME HE LOVES SOMEONE HES FATED TO LOSE THEM. WE CAN IGNORE HER PAST THIS. GBLESS#martha jones#tenth doctor#dr who#ten and martha#'theyre like a rebound' shooting you with my laser eyes sorry. martha says it when she still thinks he's taking her on dates#if he hadn't opened up about gallifrey she would've been totally fine w him taking her back home#and meanwhile ten is very unaware of any kind of romantic element until like the fuckinn. last possible moment lmfao#they are doctor and mentally unstable bus driver. Or perhaps grieving man (genderneutral) and their One (1) friend that has to support them#um idk what this post is. i wanted to pick apart martha's brain for a hot second.#edit:#it's not like 5 am and i'm reading these tags and they're a lot more mean than i meant to put them down as#Not changing them bc i already wrote so much it's out there in the world already sorry. just imagine i'm saying this all nicely#10 era
428 notes
·
View notes
Text
you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.
you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.
he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.
a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.
he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.
you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.
people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.
wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.
also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.
he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."
you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.
"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."
he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.
you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.
is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?
you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.
#writeblr#this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol#by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations#and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me#& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what????#like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it#''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother#and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!''#yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious#anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it#it's seen as the only important thing#even if ur gay#and it's a nuanced thing idk#and while rn i i.d. as lesbian#like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like .#sexuality is fluid...#don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label#they're like GET in the BOX#if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me.#(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
MEGAN FOX is NITARA in MORTAL KOMBAT 1
#not hearing any complaints sorry#like she's perfect idk what else to say#megan fox#nitara#mortal kombat#mortal kombat 1#mk#mk 1#mk 12#mortal kombat 12#mkamirah
814 notes
·
View notes
Text
phone doodle to see if i could draw him by memory again.......howd i do
#professor layton#jean descole#pl art#art#fanart#my art#i wanted to make a lil guy similar to the sycamore doodle i did bc i lowkey wanna turn them into stickers#pls lmk if thats like. a stupid idea or not#even if i dont sell them i want them ill giv ethem to friends#anyways thank gou all for being patient with me ........idk what to say besides uhh sorry for having a seizure :'/#hope this tiny descole tides yall over.....i kinda lost any joy i had for things i actually like bc of how much stress was on me#including pl and my own ocs which....is bac#bit im trying my best to reignite that slwoly#so in the meantime hope u guys xont mind silly phone doodles ;w;
47 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love the stars (j'adore les etoiles)
#rick and morty#birdrick#birdperson#rick sanchez#artsbotz#I DID IT I DREW THEM YAYYYYYYYY <- normal#idk if im totallyyyy happy w the colours etc but watever im not spending any longer on it. lol#LOL sorry if this kinda doesnt make any sense. its a result of my enorrmmouss brain#i usually think abt rick more when it comes to birdrick simply bc. hes more fleshed out#butttt ive been rhinking abt bp a bit recently.#i rlly strongly associate bps feelings towards rick w stars. bcccc of a bunch of stuff#that one quote ->#how often do you suppose you might look up at the stars. and wonder what might have been had you just put your faith in rick.#anddd a couple songs. this one which is i love the stars by the orion experience#and more loosely starstruck by ummm#by sorry.#ANDDDDD the beacon. on ao3#i beleive by abed with a knife. really super good makes me pass out#umm ok i actually dont have more to say. my brain is fried#guys. dont forget to set like hourly timers when u draw. to like remind u to drink and stretch. and blink#dont be like me.
348 notes
·
View notes
Text
this post man
i dont know why i thought idiot doomspiral has a manbun and long hair. im pretty sure he doesnt. whatever have fun be free...
#reblog this post for more harry du bois with his ass up#sorry. what was that#save me fat disco man#disco elysium#harry du bois#harrier du bois#lieutenant double-yefreitor harrier du bois. whatever. the whole shebang#idiot doom spiral#idiot doomspiral#tequila sunset#disco elysium idiot doomspiral#his name is george also. but no last name#idk if there even exist any fanart of him#i liked him a lot though#very compelling character to me. as all are#i say disco you say party disco disco party party#accessible fanart#image ID in alt text#image ID
282 notes
·
View notes