#i should probably stop trying to justify every thought i have but idk

[thatnununguy]

What if I built a robot version of you that makes it obvious that I completely misinterpreted your entire character? Haha, jk.... unless.....

[anomaliex]

Collection of headcanons not elaborate enough for own word vomit post:

- I don't think Kristen can swim. She has the vibes of someone who never learned as a kid and now it's too late to bring up without being embarrassed. (Also I thought about what would happen if she fell in water — mechanically she's wearing heavy armor, would Brennan just let her swim since she's in universe only in a tracksuit or would she sink without a sufficient strength check? Idk, but that's how I got to the no swimming conclusion.)

- insanely weird hc to have but i think Fabian shaves his arm hair. Also like legs and arm pits i guess but the way more unusual and therefore notable thing is arms. This guy kills any body and facial hair on sight. Like no one has ever seen him with as much as stubble outside of Cathilda or the Bad Kids when they were sleeping over. Why? Idk he just prefers that, no deeper reason. I do think elves generally have less body hair but here his human genes come through so he has to shave. Or get it lasered away I guess. You can do that right?? He's rich. Maybe he'd do it.

- also Fabian's depth perception is dog shit. Using his crossbow is less impressive because Fandrangor is simply a better weapon and his flourishes and manoeuvres rely on melee combat, I know, but to me it's also just that he's better at hitting things real close to him.

- Riz is the kinda guy to have chronic migraines and think it's fine. "Everyone has headaches sometimes and I do sleep a lot less than I should ahaha" (the amount of coffee he drinks is barely saving him from the horrors.)

- Adaine also gets a lot of migraines in what I think are more. Passive non specific visions? Like a gut feeling that's always correct and also makes her body hate her. The proper visions are comparable to absence seizures I think? Like I don't wanna say it's that because it's magic but the process is kind of the same in the sense that she's out for like ten to thirty seconds and it can really suck

- I also think Adaine has synaesthesia! I can't really put this into words well so I'm not even gonna try, but she perceives certain sounds and/or colours at times where there shouldn't be sounds and/or colours. I think those associations also to an extend help in drawing connections between less specific visions and real life.

- we know Gorgug has a drumset in his room I think it's electronic. But like not in a normal way like we have them irl it's some insane artificer shit that would justify so much more noise complaints than a regular one and also could probably have its own pyrotechnics idfk. It's fully a safety hazard but it doesn't even rank on the top 10 of worst things to have in your house that is a TREE that the Thistlesprings casually own.

- I think either Fig or Kristen would be the shortest medium creature type Bad Kid. Like obviously Riz is four feet tall max but he's in a whole different category lmao

- Fig sometimes puts little braids in Jawbone's fur and he happily lets her. He only properly adopted Adaine and Fig has more than enough dads, but he does still act as sort of a paternal figure to her (and every other kid ((which in this case includes Ragh but maybe not Aelwyn)) in mordred manor because he's just a caring guy and it's hard not to grow attached) so that's their pseudo daddy-daughter bonding

- Fabian doesn't like, hate Gilear as much as he used to? Like he still has his moments but overall he thinks he's a good guy and absolutely has the "well I can shit on him but I'm gonna kill this other guy who did. How dare you make fun of my Mama's beloved??" mindset. But uhm he tries to make Gilear work out with him so he can "stop being death fodder". Gilear is a commoner and everyone else in Seacaster Manor absolutely is not and like he likes it and he loves these people but he does kind of live in hell. His wife? Could kill him. His step son? Could kill him. The maid? Could kill him. The dog slash motor cycle?? Could kill him. One hit. Also the entire current Seacaster household are dexterity based fighters they're all so graceful and skilled he's fully just a guy that spills every drink ever on himself

- I think the Hangman loves Cathilda because she gives good chin scritchies (hound form obviously lol) Generally he tends to mirror Fabian's attitude towards people anyway so he's always liked her, but once he started being a hound more she started petting him and giving him treats and he is smitten

- Gorgug (and sometimes Ragh or Ayda) play extreme fetch with the Hangman. Like I need to stress that he's not just a big dog he's large enough to be a mount, which means he'd have to be the size of a horse. Maybe a small horse sure but that's still a horse-sized dog. I think his mini looks fairly big but in my heart he's bigger. So yeah fetch with him (which they mainly do because they want him to feel comfortable in both forms because he's so good) is really big sticks. Like not logs or anything but sticks the average person can't huck all that far. Fabian casts enhance ability on himself so he can also do it, lol. The wonders of multiclassing into bard.

- I think the only Bad Kids who never use makeup are Riz and Kristen. Gorgug doesn't do it every day and not that much but he uses eyeliner sometimes. Fig's makeup is the most noticeable and usually very fun.

- Gorgug has kissed Ragh at least twice. So at least one time after the prom thing. I don't mean this in a ship way I mean this in I look at Gorgug and then I look at Ragh and I go yeah these guys have shared at least one tender bro kiss. I mean I think Gorgug is the kinda guy that would kiss all of his friends if they wanted to because it's not that big of a deal to him and he loves them but not everyone is comfortable w/ that lol. He and Kristen kiss each other on the cheek though, I think (this does not mean he wants to see her naked in public please put your clothes back on Kristen??)

[justalittleweird]

Season 4

I've always had mixed feelings about season 4. It's an objectively beautiful season that breaks my heart. I love this show and both boys (yeah, a sam girly) and I hate when they lie and fight and it's also such good plot. Here we go:

Sam, first: I don't think Season 2 Sam (even with John's final warning) would recognize himself, especially in those final 2 episodes. I think him witnessing Dean's gruesome death(s) traumatized and changed him, in some ways. The manipulation and drug effects from the blood changed him. Dean's own trauma changed Sam. Sure, in the beginning, he thought he had good intentions, but those faded a little. Yeah, I think he was self-righteous. He never stopped loving Dean, he thought he was doing some good, and part of him chose to trust Ruby and himself over Dean. But it wasn't just Dean; it was Pamela and Chuck telling him it was wrong. Yet, desperation influences people to act and choose differently than they might have in previous circumstances. Season 1 vs. Season 4 Sam are so different and so similar, I'd love to see them interact. Sam was able to justify this to himself and when he saw the outcome, he was filled with regret. After Ruby told him the truth and after Lucifer was set free, 4.22 "The blood, you poisoned me" (true), "It was you, and your choices. I just gave you the options, and you chose the right path every time" (also, true?)

Sam and Dean's fight though in 4.21 (objectively one of the best episodes in the entire show, shit was so intense) "You don't know what you're doing, Sam," (true) "Yes, I do," (also, true?) and Dean following that with "then that's worse!" and Sam throwing the first punch, and him winning (was that cause of the blood making him more demonic?), John's old words thrown at him, again, and him leaving, again.

So many thoughts on this, idk if I can put them all down. When the Levee Breaks (great song btw) and Sam says to his hallucination of Dean, "Don't you say that to me," does he ever know that's not real?

And the voicemail! (don't even get me started)

Dean: He was faced with the choice of letting Sam die, or feeding him demon blood to maybe (?) try to ween him off it? "Then, at least he dies human!" Is that his choice to make? He thinks so (most people on here think it isn't, then whose choice was it, Sam's? Was he able to make that choice in the state he was in? Idk. Bobby? Should he have done more?)

Is that what Sam would have chosen before all this? Before everything changed, before he had his first taste of blood, would Sam have chosen to die? Rather than develop an addiction to demon blood, beat on his brother, use his powers to kill, have his eyes turn black, and break the final seal. After it all, does he wish he had died instead of doing all that? I'm not sure.

Meg as Bobby brought up John's final warning to Dean. "Save him or kill him," "Maybe we shouldn't have tried so hard to save him." What does Dean think of that? What does Sam think of it?

(I'm still aware this is all fiction, but the story is so good).

Makes me think of 5.11; when they were talking to that doctor to get into the hospital, Dean says, "The apocalypse wasn't his fault. There was this other demon, Ruby, she got him addicted to demon blood. Near the end, he was practically chugging the stuff. My brother's not evil. He was just high." How honest was that? Did he believe what he said?

There are probably more thoughts, but this is good for now, thank you.

[golden28s]

Totally optional, fun Gallavich questions ☀️🌙

thanks for tagging me to the coolest person @callivich 💖

What’s a fic you’ve read more than once? i havent read that many gallavich fanfics since i watched the show in like april BUT im loving Africa and ill probably read it once it's finished

What’s a gifset you always have to reblog? s7 gifsets are really person to me but also maybe s10 and s11 because they reached the peak of softness

What’s a headcanon you can’t stop thinking about? maybe that ian would tell mickey "i told you so" when they become parents and mickey turns out to be an absolute incredible dad that will play, sing, dance anything with his children.

What’s a fanart you love looking at? maybe @gallavichonly @heymrspatel and i accept recommendations btw id love to see more fanart

What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration? id probably write like a series of one shots based on taylor swift songs

What’s something you’ve discovered since entering this fandom? A new trope you love? A different analysis of the show? Something else? i think that not judging characters, like always be aware of their circumstances and what made them do or say that and that might not justify them but it explains their thought process, it explains why and gives them some sort of humanity to their mistakes idk if this makes sense but yeah that, don't judge a character too soon, try to understand them.

What’s an underrated trope or concept you’d like to see more of? the secret dating, we know they secretly dated and stuff but i feel like it's actually a really fun concept to play with despite their circumstances in the show, it gives you so many possibilities.

What’s your favourite season? And has this changed after multiple rewatches of the show? the early seasons have special place in my heart, so s4-5 and i think gallavich totally saved s7, i love that part of the season

What’s a plot hole you wish had been answered or resolved? i would've loved to see ian healing from the grooming and realizing it was grooming, it would've been nice for the character to heal old wounds and start fresh a new life with mickey in a new neighborhood ready to create new memories

What scene or moment do you feel isn’t discussed enough? the just wondering if we're a couple or not scene, we definitely should discuss more the fact that mickey answered too quickly, he absolutely had been calling ian boyfriend in his head

What line/dialogue/description from something else (a poem, a book, a tv show, a movie, or something else) do you feel describes Ian and Mickey’s relationship? im gonna quote noel fisher and as he said: "Ian's been that kind of guiding angel for Mickey so he's going to have to turn into a pretty much kind of a protective angel for Ian"

What do you think is next for Ian and Mickey post-finale? i think they're gonna learn to communicate even more, they were in really good path already. i think the writers didn't have much faith in them in that aspect but the conversation they have in s11 about going back or not to the new neighborhood made evident that they can communicate, they listen to each other and understand the reasons, each other's feelings. so yeah, i think they're gonna get even better at that and also they're not gonna wait that much to become parents. i think they eventually will find new jobs, ian will have his tomatoes and mickey will adore looking at him doing his thing every sunday morning. i really really think they finally found their peace, their home and are gonna be very very happy and disgustingly in love forever because they're also hopeless romantic and want that so bad.

im gonna tag a few people and as always feel free to do it or not <3 @lupeloto @mikhailoisbaby @mickeysgaymom @redwiccanrobin @lyricailove @energievie @depressedstressedlemonzest @juliakayyy

[running-in-the-dark]

I've got more to say on that post (tw I'm insane I don't know what to tag this as its just. mental illness man idk.)

I'm really, really glad that other people apparently really don't know what it's like to feel like that. like you're not allowed to think certain things or that thinking them makes you bad.

because fuck I wish that was me.

I find it almost impossible to talk about this but I'm trying because I've found it's really the only thing that helps a little bit - and it feels like literal torture, like. I am having to actively fight every instinct in my head to be able to type any of it.

but. just. man I just can't. sometimes I can do it, but sometimes it's like now and I get so panicked about it that all the words just fucking disappear. literally can't talk about it.

okay, I'll try a different way. so. I get extremely obsessed with fictional characters (which you know if you've ever looked at this blog because duh). obviously that means I think about them. a lot. all the time really. and it's. it is really really hard, honestly. just like. imagine having to basically check every. little. thought. to see if there's anything there that could make you a bad person.

again, can't go into any more detail because My Brain (probably should stop saying that, I guess it's like, part of the ocd tendencies I have or whatever) won't fucking let me.

so, I'm trying to work on that, and for some reason I'm doing that by writing it down instead. because then I have like, the option to go back and look at it and be like actually this is probably fine. not horrible, not the worst thing anyone has ever thought, and even if it was - no one but me is ever going to see this, so why should it even matter?

but more than anything it's like. shown me how fucking insane that is. I literally can't even write so much as like. a hug. without feeling like I'm the most disgusting piece of shit ever (lots of complicated reasons but it boils down to basically. well you're thinking about his body. and that his body would feel nice. and that is absolutely not allowed in any way). when I've said that I'm writing some insane shit I don't mean like haha, this is sooo dirty hehe :3 no guys I mean it is literally insane and mostly me literally having to write paragraphs of dialogue in which the character assures me that it's okay and I'm not horrible for thinking that and. like I'm literally writing him as if he's my fucking therapist because that's the only way I can justify it in my own head.

like, I am not exaggerating when I say that I've made myself feel like I'm physically ill from overthinking this so much. I literally felt like I had a fever because I got so extremely stressed out about it. I think that was about like. holding hands or some shit. I'm 32 fucking years old. I'm literally married (won't even get into that but fuck dude just imagine being like this and. yeah).

and the funniest part about all of that is that I feel so unbelievably ashamed about all of it that I don't think I could even mention it to a therapist or whatever. like the thought alone is so absolutely horrifying that it makes me feel like I need to be punished for it. so I just convince myself that well it can't really be OCD anyway because I don't even have compulsions anymore (even though I did, and they affected my life so much for like, 15 years at least), and well even if it could still be that even without the compulsions well it's not that bad really. I mean I don't have the issues that people with actual OCD have, it doesn't really affect me, so what if I can't think about fucking that fictional guy, imagine how much a therapist would laugh at you for thinking you should get help with that, nope your brain is just fundamentally broken (it's always been that way after all, so it can't be something like that, no you're just broken and wrong and that's why all your thoughts are bad, you're just the worst person on Earth).

I can't explain how hard it is to even like. just talk about the most mundane shit. like let's say there's a picture of The Guy and I think he looks good. it's such a struggle to let myself say that. like literally, something as fucking basic as that. literally anything that is an admission of 'hi I've thought about his face and his body and I think they look kind of nice' makes me feel like I should literally die. that's why I've been trying to say that shit as much as I can lately, with the reasoning being well if I just keep doing it and nothing horrible happens it'll get easier right? (nope it doesn't, not really)

and like, there's so much more to it than social media, obviously. like it's probably 99% my upbringing (didn't even fucking realise until very recently that a lot of it is based on religious stuff because I didn't understand that my family was even that religious. yeah I don't get it either. but there's way more than the religion aspect, just pretty much everything about my childhood and my parents and. everything). but it does play a huge part in it for me and. I don't know what to do about that and I'll probably do nothing because doing anything is hard and I'm already completely overwhelmed by everything.

yeah idk all of that came from thinking about that video too much, idk, I'm shutting up now

[shadowbrightshine]

I was looking for a name of an old teacher from my sophomore diary and I was very, very unhealthy with how I talked to myself. tw for me beating myself up and downplaying my anger. I found the time I had an autistic meltdown at school in a class I hated. A bunch of kids were purposefully triggering my movement tics and making it hard for me to write or type because of it.

Luckily by the end my mother set straight my theology. I'd been beating myself up about being angry and how God wouldn't want me to hate them. (I'm a Christian) She explained what Righteous anger actually is and that I wasn't sinning by being angry at them.

Not to also fandom tag but half of this sounds like something I could imagine Grace Chasity writing. Or my au of Tim. I was so stressed and upset. I'd never used a diary before and I had a mix of saying my feelings. Being dramatic, and bullying myself for what I wrote down in my private diary.

I have many moments in the diary like this, with me beating myself up and then making fun of myself, telling myself I'm just being dramatic and trying to get attention. When no one was reading but me. And the problem is I have a writer's mind, so for all I know I was playing it up, but this is how I felt. And that's what's important. I don't even know where this intense self deprication came from, because my parents are supportive and kind.

Idk, but it makes me sad to think about sophomore me writing this. I'm glad mom explained the actual theology to me though. Because I'd wrongly thought a few things about my Christian life and it was used, by me, to bully myself even further. I was still toxicly positive. Less so than when I was young, but it wasn't gone. I'm not saying it's completely gone now either.

Though I was justified in my anger towards those kids. I spent half an hour trying to work without trouble and they kept doing it because they thought it was funny to see my tics. It was really mean and really gross to do to anyone.

Transcript of the text for screen readers. sorry everyone for the long post please don't let it discourage you from reblogging it.

It’s 7th and 6th was a nightmare! The boys found out I twitch when people drag their computers over the table to make a screeching noise and they did it for half an hour. It was on purpose, I could hear them snicker every time my neck twitched sideways or my hands spasemed. I almost threw my book at them like 3 times on pure reflex. I eventually shouted at them to stop. 

“Isn’t it funny making the autistic girl twitch!? I can hear you laughing every time my neck goes sideways or my hands twitch! It’s so funny to watch her unable to type because her hands shake too much! How funny right??” I think that’s what I said. Or something like that my head was spinning because I was so mad. 

The teacher moved them back a row and me forward a row. I’m grateful but I shouldn’t need it! People should be decent enough to  NOT PROVOKE THE MENTALLY HANDICAPPED GIRL ON PURPOSE AND LAUGH ABOUT IT!!!

I hate them. 

It’s not Godly, it’s not right to, but I hate them right now. 

I hate (name), I know it’s him but I can never prove it so no consequences for any of the stupid boys. They can keep finding things that make me annoyed and do it over and over to make me react, and I keep trying to not react. I try, I last 30 minutes, and then I can’t do it anymore! 

For months. I’ve been doing this for months. I’m sure this was just a bad day for me, maybe I’m more sensitive today. 

I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT!!! I SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE A NORMAL PERSON AND NOT TORTURED FOR THEIR ENTERTAINMENT! 

Sure I’m probably exaggerating. I’m just sensitive, I’m overreacting it’s not that bad blah blah blah! 

No one says that to me, it’s my own self doubt. 

I feel hurt. I want them to hurt, not physically I just want them to understand how mad they make me. I wish I’d hit them with the book. Just once. Let them know I’m not all bluff. 

It’s so wrong to think. God forgive me for sinning like this but I want them to hurt for what they put me through every single day! 

I don’t understand why I’m so fun to hurt. 

They probably don’t even think about it. They don’t understand how upset I get. I’m good at hiding it. I hate letting them see me break down over something so stupid. I know I’m misspelling things but I’m also trying to listen to my teacher while I type this. 

I must sound like such a baby. 

I wish I wasn’t so easy to hurt. Just make a screech noise and look at the puppet girl twitch and shake and jitter around and be unable to do her schoolwork because she’s autistic. 

They don’t even think about the autism, I know that.

But how do they find it funny? I don’t do anything to them! I only react to what they do. What did I do to make me such a fun little toy for all of them? 

I want to cry right now.

God forgive me for wanting harm on my enemies. I feel like I give them so many chances, I try to be nice. I feel so lost. I can stand up for myself but they laugh at me. Violence is the only thing I can think of that would make them take me seriously. I don’t want to get in trouble with school or sin. But what can I do!?

How do you make them know I don’t want to be pushed around anymore! They don’t listen to me or the teacher, the principal can’t seem to make them stop. 

How do I make them stop? 

I can’t hurt them. 

But that’s all I can come up with. There’s too many students for her to see what they do or hear them, and she can’t prove who did it and I can’t either. There’s nothing I can do that doesn’t involve hitting them! 

Doing it now unprovoked would look crazy but I just want it to stop I’ve been doing this dance all semester and I’m sick of it! 

Please don’t think I’m crazy I know this isn’t a big deal in the grand scheme. I know I shouldn’t be so angry about it it’s just been building inside me for so long. 

I just want them to leave me alone. I’m being bullied and I can’t stop it. 

God give me wisdom and the strength to NOT hit them today if I see them. If they do it tomorrow I might just start slapping!

Tuesday 5/10/22

So Mom set me straight about my Godly theology. Righteous anger isn’t just about the threatening of religious stuff, but also about things being actually wrong.

I’ve been thinking about this wrong, I’m not bad for wanting things to change, so my beating myself up in my diary was not in God’s name. 

I need to read my Bible more, fix my theology. 

But I feel so much better knowing I’m not a bad person. Mom says we’re all sinful, but seeing me grow up and seeing how upset I get about evening thinking of making others sad…she says I’m really trying to be a good person, and that’s all you can really do. We can have slip ups, God will forgive us.

So I can be mad at them and not be sinful doing it. 

[sideblog-usernametaken]

I want to add on to this that it's interesting that the main people he helps directly are members of Libra. Like, the very first time we see Femt doing something, he complains about Libra's interference and complains that Leo not shooting Sonic was "So normal!" which leaves the impression that he hates them. Bear with me for a bit because this is kinda tangential but I promise it comes back around.

You know how the series kind of has an ongoing thing of Klaus being such a Good Guy with Speeches that he inspires others to emulate him? Most of it is with Leo to be honest, there's the speech from Episode 1/Chapter 2(I think?) that he repeats to White, when he's on the verge of giving up in Get the Lock Out Klaus' persistence gives him more resolve, and while he isn't thinking about what Klaus wants during the Calamity Auction he treats the situation the same way Klaus would. However, we do see it extend to other characters to various extents. That one guy from Outlaw of the Green, one of the cyborg captains during the Calamity Auction, and of course Stephen's insistence on doing morally questionable things "So Klaus doesn't have to."

Basically, for a lot of characters in the series Klaus is a beacon of kindness, perseverance, and strength. It's why everyone in Libra respects him as their leader.

I think that what Klaus is to everyone else, Libra is to Femt.

His whole idea of humanity is that it's awful. People are selfish, greedy, and mindless, so why shouldn't it fall? But for every plan he enacts Libra is right there trying to counteract it, they aren't fighting back to defend themselves but to defend everyone weaker than they are. This kind of flies in the face of his thoughts on humanity, which can be used to justify its continued existence.

Femt at his core still hates humanity, he's not going to end any crisis himself even when he can (He could've stopped the Second Collapse before it started) and he'll start killing people whenever he's in the mood for it. But if good people still exist and are still trying to do good then they deserve to stick around, he just won't let on that he feels that way. If he did then someone (Probably Klaus) might manage to talk him into believing in humanity, and then he'd have to live with the countless deaths he's caused weighing on his conscious.

With this in mind, he's not going to let someone get taken out of commission if they're crucial to resolving a major situation. It's not that he necessarily wants hunanity to be saved, but that if humanity's survival hinges on one person it's unfair to prevent them from doing anything. This is why he lets Leo go and he frees Klaus. Once they're free they can operate however they want, and so long as they're being good people then humanity will be saved and their existence itself warrants the rescue.

(Just an aside: I think this is also why Femt gives Leo his version of a pep talk. After being betrayed and basically tortured then left for dead tied up in room built out of skulls, Leo isn't in the good frame of mind for anything really. But that's also the perfect time to "test" him. At this point Femt already sees enough value in Leo to not kill him regardless of what choice he makes, however his choice will determine if the Second Collapse happens or not, so it's worth it to prod him into making a decision instead of lying in a state of shock and depression.)

By extension, this is also why he never takes any precautions against Libra or stirs up major trouble when they already have their hands full. If his plans' success or failure depends on if Libra is willing to act or not, then should be able to act and by acting prove humanity's worth.

Idk if I'm making much sense here but I hope you get some use out of these ramblings.

ok ok i wanna talk about this at length and not on twitter where i can say like three sentences but i think a lot about how femt will sit around and say how humanity is just awful and disgusting but theres SO many times he seems to be rooting for them. like here how he Let Leo Go. he just let him leave. "he said he didnt wanna play so yknow. He Left." and he yells about how Of Course Hes Not Gonna Kill Leo. leo was so important to stopping the second collapse and femt just let him leave and then when he explained this to despair who is like Dude Why Didnt You Kill Him Or Leave Him There femt seems to be pretty genuinely concerned about despairs wellbeing and. general depression.

then there's in the ova where it's most obvious. hes running around trying to stop this restaurant from being destroyed which Just So Happens to have libra in it. tells leo to forget he was ever there. "i dont need a reason to help them out" femt i am shaking u

and THEN !!! theres curious. curious is fascinating to me for several reasons but i think its really interesting that femt seemingly shows up for no other reason than to Get Curious. wants to take him home for whatever reasons (i have thoughts on this but its too much so maybe another post). but then they immediately start fighting and it really seems like femt is just trying to keep curious preoccupied, buying time for libra to do something. he doesn't really have any reason to get into a petty fight with curious. then when curious is about to attack steven and klaus, femt IMMEDIATELY gets eve and odd to attack him which leaves them in pieces, ultimately ending up letting steven klaus and chain get the upper hand. and then femt just Leaves.

AND THE CALAMITY AUCTION !!! my favorite femt scene. pretends to be the president to break klaus out of jail as hes the only one who can really do anything about whats going on. and later when hes revealed to be the "president" klaus is surprised that someone like femt would even bother to get involved, cuz why WOULD he get involved?? hes constantly saying how worthless humanity is but here he is, actively trying to help. this pisses femt off who attacks briefly but just. Leaves. Again. destroys all the cameras in the room too. god forbid he be seen trying to help out a bad situation

which brings me to the light novel!! as i've said i've been translating it and theres a lot of interesting things. femt talks about how he feels extremely isolated from humanity and when people try to get information from him he just cant understand why they would ever want to be him or have what he has, cuz he clearly has..... Lots Of Issues! it's almost like he's so worried about what will happen to humanity if he isn't there to save them or on the other side of that he has to keep. testing humanity or something. he puts them through his games but even libra admits that theres a line he wont cross. they prefer to deal with him over Other Threats because while hes mass murdering lunatic he still wont. you know. Kill Everyone. unlike curious. i think femt and curious are being set up as foils and i have lots of thoughts on this but theres just too much to say about those two...

tldr i think femt cares a lot more about those around him than he would ever let anyone know. yeah he'll murder hundreds of people but the second hes faced with someone in person that he cant just pretend is part of this vague crude idea of humanity he has in his head its like something clicks in his brain that this is a Real Person and now he suddenly cares. he seems to have this recurring idea of humanity killing themselves or being unable to save themselves which leads him to Extreme Violence and when he helps its like he doesnt want to admit that he cares in some way. hes constantly distancing himself from everyone and i think he should go to therapy <3

[musclesandhammering]

Supernatural Opinions That’ll Have Me Burned At The Stake Pt 1.

• John Winchester is more sympathetic than Dean.

• Literally every single angel in the series (except maybe Ishim) had 100% justifiable and understandable motives, and none of them were genuinely evil.

• The demons deserved 97% more sympathy than they got (yes, all of them) because they were literally tortured into being the way they are.

• The hunters on the show are the real villains. The supernatural creatures were just existing as they instinctually should have.

• There was absolutely no reason to bring Mary back at all, and they 100% only did it to provide Dean specifically with more personal Angst. Because everything’s about Dean.

• They did Bela so so dirty and there was no reason at all that 432 other boring ass characters got storyline after storyline and resurrection after resurrection when she didn’t even get mentioned post-death #1.

• Anything to do with Ben/Lisa/Dean was legit just the most boring thing I’ve ever seen, like I literally skipped past those parts cause I cared 0% about any of that.

• Claire was cool at first but they put everything into making her a mini-Dean and she ended up being a whiny annoying rude trying-too-hard-to-look-badass mess (surprise surprise).

• Alex was way more likeable and interesting than Claire, she should’ve gotten the lead storyline in that arc.

• The whole Claire/Kaia thing was nice from a representation standpoint I guess but there was zero chemistry and only like 2 scenes of lead-up and the entire time I was just thinking “what in the hell are they supposedly falling in love for, this feels so forced” lmao.

• Metatron was my fav even before his big redemptive scene, I stanned one petty weirdo full-stop all the way through his dicking around with Cas and everything, y’all simply do not have Taste.

• Same with Amara. Loved her even when she wanted to destroy the known universe. Stanned her. Supported her, even. And also she had an incredibly heartbreaking and sympathetic and dynamic storyline, but some of y’all couldn’t see the substance in her cause you were too busy being pissed that she flirted with your trash monster (Dean).

• I’m very sorry, but Charlie was annoying as all shit.

• Not only did Dean abuse Cas, but Dean abused Sam literally throughout the entire show, from the very first scene.

• Speaking of Sam, he’s probably the most caring, kind, empathetic, genuinely good person on the entire show. He’s an actual cinnamon roll, and every single person that holds him even 1% accountable for the leaving for college thing, or the demon blood thing, or the not looking for Dean in purgatory thing… y’all can eat my shorts.

• Cas was better friends with Sam than he ever was with Dean. They have more of a profound bond too. He was ordered to rescue Dean from Hell and had an army of other angels with him, but he chose to rescue Sam and went in completely alone. If that’s not more profound idk what is.

• I like Balthazar better than Gabriel, fight me on it.

• Hannah and Cas were actually hella cute together. And so were Cas and Meg.

• The Winchesters did not deserve Crowley. They also didn’t deserve Rowena.

• Sam and Dean aren’t actually heroes at all tbh because 75% of all the major apocalyptic problems that have happened on the show was literally their fault. And they almost never solved said problems themselves. They coerced supernatural beings into doing it for them.

• I liked the angels way better in season 4, when they were terrifying mythical beings of eldritch proportions that even the demons were scared of. Held more gravity, I think.

• After Bobby was killed off, the whole vibe of the show kinda fell apart. Like the team/family feeling was just never quite there after that, and it sorta killed it for me tbh.

• Chuck being a mega douche wasn’t the mind blowing plot twist they thought it was. Like that was predictable. It would’ve been more meta and more unsettling and more profound if, instead of being a raging narcissist, he had been portrayed as they described him in season 4/5- an actual father/creator that was jaded with his creation. He still could’ve been absent and all, just not a total heartless jerk.

• I didn’t even watch half of seasons 7-8 like wow that was not interesting in the slightest.

• Season 2 was also dull as hell, but it gets bonus points for the gritty midwestern horror aesthetic. 10/10 immaculate vibes.

• Anything past season 10 I just picked out the Cas episodes to watch and I didn’t even really love those :/.

• I don’t like how the storylines started getting too big for their britches around season 11 or so. Like purgatory and heaven and hell and the apocalypse, ok sure. But alternate dimensions? Heavenly extinction? God’s literal sister? Babe you’re just a cute lil country show from the CW go back to drunks killing vampires.

• This whole series actually started being trash less than halfway through, and the only reason it stayed on so long was because die-hard fans were invested enough to subject themselves to mental and emotional torture week after week just to stay loyal to their old favourite show.

[unofficialadamtaurus]

Okay I know this probably doesn't matter to anyone who isn't me, but I despise the way that Tyrian is handled in this show. Like, it pisses me off more than I like to admit.

Tyrian is one of, if not the only instance, we have a faunus trait that makes someone outright deadly. Like, qe have a token few characters with claws, which can be easily filed or in some cases retractable, and Tock had sharp teeth if we're scraping the bottom of the barrel, bit Tyrian straight up has a poisonous stinger. And we know for a fact that he is from Anima, i.e. Mistral, i.e. the most racist kingdom in all of Remnant. And what's his motivation?

He's "crazy". That's it. Why does he follow Salem? Because he's crazy. Why does kill people? Because he's crazy. Like what? It's so lazy. Nobody is just "crazy" for the sake of it. Controversial statement here, but nobody in the history of ever has ever done anything for no reason. Even if that reason makes no sense to mosy people, he should still have one and that reason should be influenced by his past. You know, the past of growing up as a faunus with a dangerous faunus feature in the most racist kingdom in all of Remnant.

The show never touches on the idea of faunus having their faunus features ripped away from them via mutilation except when Ruby does this to Tyrian (instead of, oh I don't know, shooting him when she had a clear shot??? The man just stabbed her Uncle and she takes the time to line up a clear shot specifically to his stinger, as if he doesn't have other weapons and he isn't totally capable of shredding her auraless form with said weapons? Idk). It's especially bothersome to me because the prospect of mutilating other villains never comes up with any of the non-faunus villains. Even Cinder's scar was an accident. In every other case the girls just went for the knockout, like they never even try to knock people's weapons out of their hands. But not Tyrian, no you see his faunus feature is just too dangerous and needs to be taken away. Because he's "crazy" anything done in the name of stopping him is justified. Practically the only faunus villain we have outside of the White Fang, grew up in the most racist kingdom, and his defining character traits are "crazy" and irredeemable.

Sorry for the rant, I just really hate how he's treated. Like at the very least, he deserves a proper motivation beyond being a crazy cult dude.

Honestly I haven't paid much attention to Tyrian but I can understand why the way he's handled is upsetting to some. I hadn't even thought about how his faunus trait is the only one we've seen that's intended to cause harm and that it's conveniently the only one we've seen mutilated.

I really think the easiest way to fix a lot of issues with RWBY - the White Fang, Tyrian, why Salem's faction is so small, etc. - would be to replace the WF as baddies with some kind of Salem cult. Have Tyrian be a member of that cult, born and raised and fully indoctrinated. You can have characters whose main personality trait is being unhinged, but no one is born that way. Give him a reason for being the way he is.

[the-drug-addicts-diary]

Hi !! I just visited your blog and I’m so interested on every of your post. You’re doing great and i hope all the best for you, if you don’t mind, I wanna ask something that’s related to the addiction things. So, i have an addict friend, she’s always been so frustrated when she’s sober, she doesn’t want to recover nor to heal, i love her so much, but because we live in different country it’s hard for me to watch over her, it’s hard for me to control her with the drugs (almost impossible), she’s been using it for 9 years and never get proper treatment for it, i want her to heal, i want her to have this spirit to recover but she said it’s hard for her for it, she can’t without the drugs, she doesn’t want to get treatment for her addiction but she always tells me everytime she wants to take the drugs as if she asked for my consent even though we both know that it will only end up with her take it no matter how hard I prevent her to not take it, and I actually know it already in the first place. But idk i just i feel so cruel if I let her use the drugs just like that, that’s why i always tried even though i know all my words will just be in “vain”. This kind of state confusing me ngl, like i feel I don’t know nothing about how to face/handle her, how to help her, I’m willing to try and i really want to but i just don’t know how. Like i want her to heal but she doesn’t want to heal, but in other hand, she always told me everytime she wants to take the drugs as if she wanted me stop her, it’s frustrating me, idk what I’m supposed to do, like should I encourage her more to get any help (which could make her hates me cz that’d make it look like I don’t respect her decision to not get any) or should i just let her be and just be there for her (but I don’t how to behave and what to say everytime she asks for my consent to take the drugs). This is my first time having friend that has addiction problem. And now I’m in state that idk what to do or say to her (im afraid i will do wrong thing that’ll hurt her), based your experience I really want to know if you have any advice/opinion how to handle an addict properly without hurting them cz I don’t wanna hurt her but I also don’t want her to think that i don’t care about her. I will be so glad if you can share some of your thoughts ‘bout it. Well, you can ignore this if you feel uncomfortable to give an answer, it’s ok i will understand. I hope you have a nice day <3

Hi... well. I'm sorry you have to go through something like this, I always say there is only one thing worse than being an addict, and that's loving an addict.

I cannot tell you how to help your friend. I don't know her, but I know all addicts in active addiction lie to themselves to justify their using, and because of that, they lie to others as well. You cannot handle an addict. You can't control her using, and you can't make her want to recover. You can't force her to ask for help. By telling you she wants to use, she's most likely not trying to stop herself, she wishes for your approval to feel better about herself, because she probably feels like shit. You said it yourself - she doesn't want to heal.

It may seem cruel, but you should accept that you can't help her with her using, not until she's ready.

You should ask her what is she expecting from you in this matter, have a conversation. You can try to be a positive infuence, listen to her, show her that there is more to life than what she's currently able to see. Send her to a NA/AA meeting. And since addiction is usually based on traumatic experiences, i would recommend therapy.

You can be there to support her if she decides to do something about her using, but that's it. Her using and her life is her responsibility, not yours. Failing to see this may destroy you as well.

Take care of yourself.

[hopeymchope]

Final Fantasy VII 8/16/24 Update:

I'd now be on "Disk 2" if the Switch release required me to switch out disks. Tifa is busy nursemaid-ing Cloud, and I just did a daring assault on a train outside of North Corel.

Latest thoughts:

Why the FUCK did ANYONE continue to tolerate the presence of Cait Sith in the party after what fucking happened upon our return to the Gold Saucer? After the Temple of the Ancients, they should've kicked his ass and left him in a scrap pile. WTF, guys?! I know he made good with the group eventually, but that's no excuse for LETTING HIM CONTINUE TO BE THERE THAT LONG. At the bare minimum, you leave his ass in the snow before you tear down the slopes on a snowboard and leave him FAR behind, right? BARE minimum.

And in a simliar vein: The way the party walked away after getting their materia back from Yuffie, not giving one shit about ditching her? Relatable. Delightful. But I would've gone even farther and told her to stay the FUCK out. :P Now, there are hints up in Wutai that her reason for the robbery might've been more than just "restore my hometown financially." Supposedly, many locals believe materia is necessary to give to their personal deity for protection. But this is never something she brings up when trying to justify her actions. She never even references that lore. So: Maybe if Yuffie indicated she believed in that and therefore believed that materia was literally NECESSARY to save her people, that could've made her betrayal and theft much more sympathetic. In fact, I wonder if we're meant to intuit that that's the case, even if they don't spell it out... ?

I don't want to be mean, but I'm about to sound mean anyway. Because Tifa's absolute devotion to Cloud even after the reveals about him at the ice crater comes off to me as kind of, idk... pathetic? Not only because she abandons SAVING TEH WORLD in order to just sit next to him while he's being one step above a vegetable, but also: Maybe you should be worried about finding your REAL childhood friend now instead of simping for this clone-boy that looks like him. HE COULD BE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE RIGHT NOW, girl. And I don't think he'd appreciate you prioritizing his clone over the real guy, either. :P

It's too bad that Aerith ran off to do save the world alone without ever telling anyone her plan and now nobody has even the slightest clue what she intended to do. This goes to once again show y'all that COMMUNICATION IS KEY in all your relationships. :P

I have to say that I looooved the whole journey through the frozen wastes using a very vague paper map, enjoyed the climb up the icy cliff, and then again loooooved the escape from the Shinra base. This series of events is the highlight of the game for me so far—although the great train robbery at Corel was pretty cool, too.

And the counterpoint to that is Fort Condor. Oh my god, that minigame is the SLOWEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN. Even if you use this port's feature to speed the game up to 3x its normal speed, Fort Condor battles still take FOR-FUCKING-EVER. At regular speed, you can't even SEE the players moving. At 3x speed? You can tell they move like inchworms. :PPP

After Barret's backstory at Corel and then Red XIII's backstory at Cosmo Canyon, I thought "Oh, so we're going to get numerous pit stops/sidequests about the backstory of every single party member!" And we did get some background during the hunt-Yuffie-after-she-robs-you sidequest, but I didn't learn nearly as much about her as I did those other two guys. I wonder if there's more to uncover there, or if Yuffie is just a pretty open book. What I REALLY want, though, is to see a side quest about Vincent. He's probably my least-favorite party member, both in terms of usefulness in battle AND in terms of how little I know about his ass. Give me some deets on the wannabe-vampire!

@archeracy So far, I feel like Cloud has no eyes for anyone other than Sephiroth in this game, lol. That seemed true even BEFORE the big reveals at the ice crater. But I'm excited to see how the remake series interprets his dynamic with the cast, because I'm certain he's got to talk a LOT more in those games. And if he's actually talking, maybe I can get a better sense of whether he's even attracted to Tifa or Aerith! The OG game's Cloud seems more prone to silent brooding and being a general grump, but I'm also not getting tone-of-voice or much detail in his movements, so... could just be hard to read.

Guess what video game I just started playing for the first time?

Yeah, this is some long-overdue Gamer Homework(TM). Definitely one of those titles that it feels like you have to be familiar with if you're gonna claim you're big into the hobby.

So my Gamer ID Card has been in danger of revocation for many years now. :P

[olderthannetfic]

Ah, I do see your points, anon. I'm not going to post all your asks publicly because if you really feel that unsafe, it's probably best not to have a bigass chunk of your text for people to analyze and try to guess your identity from. I think one of the best points you made is about how close to home it hits when the non-fave is not only your fave but is similar to you in some way like demographic. You're not wrong for having those emotions. I do wonder if they make it hard to see how some other people feel similarly embattled on other axes.

TBH, I think one of the big problems here is that the large aggregate patterns you're talking about are racist, but most individual fics and fans are not really the problem. It's hard to know how to talk about this or who to tell to "fix" it when we're looking at free, hobbyist art.

A lot of people's tastes are certainly formed by shitty society, but once they're formed, they don't change fast if at all. Asking someone to rewrite their libido is a big ask, yet tumblr does it all the time as though it's as simple as snapping your fingers.

This leaves me with the sense that a lot of tumblr is... like... the political lesbians of porn fic or something: desire is not real, only choosing based on logic and politics. Or maybe people are so asexual that they just don't understand the lizard brain's "YES!" at some porn things and complete indifference to others?

I don't think it's great if great swaths of people feel like bottom!Nicky is super hot and top!Nicky fundamentally isn't, but I also don't think they can necessarily just turn it off like flipping a switch.

(If someone reading this doesn't like their current tastes and wants to attempt to alter them, I do think it's possible. What you should do is line up a large slate of media that prominently features characters of the ethnicity or whatever that you don't find hot/interesting. These should be leads whose emotional development drives the plot and is supposed to be central to the audience's enjoyment of the media. Watch/read/etc. this media all the time. All. The. Time. Try out many pieces because you won't like every character or every show, and we're looking for genuine enjoyment, not the fandom equivalent of a pity fuck. Spend enough time on this, and your unconscious sense of who's hot and interesting will eventually shift somewhat. This is a project you should expect to take a few years.)

But I digress.

The one tweet thing is a very toxic pattern. If TOG fandom is doing that, guys, please try to be more conscious of holding the actors of color to a higher standard (or the women or whomever). I know this often comes from a place of paying more attention to our own and wanting to set a good standard, but the effect is that minorities can't fuck up ever while white dudes get infinite passes.

Okay, on to the fic thing... Gotta say, my instant reaction to that description is "Ooh!"--as it would be for the same scenario with the characters reversed. (Ships who start out trying to kill each other are my favorite! x1000 if they're resurrecting style immortals and they literally do.) I can see how it would feel like slamming into a brick wall if you aren't kinky in just the right way and you didn't know it was coming though.

Part of why I react so strongly to a lot of discourse that runs along these lines is that I am a naturally extremely kinky person. It's not so much about what I do (which as a deeply lazy person in a long distance relationship is essentially nothing), but it's absolutely how I'm wired.

And I can tell you that my quotidian experience in fandom is sharing something I don't even realize is a big deal only to have someone I like, respect, and trust react in horror and tell me that it's triggering and awful and should not be allowed in fandom spaces because it makes "people" unsafe. It's such an instant, kneejerk reaction they don't even realize I was sharing it because it spoke to the very core of me. Lesson learned, friend. Lesson learned.

That sounds a bit off topic, I know, but bear with me: The point of that anecdote is that it's pretty common for me to get people trying to raise my awareness of things I have already thought deeply about while denying my essential humanity and not even realizing. As a kinky person who likes to make my fave the top (and generally a conflicted sadist), this constant request to explain and justify is exhausting.

I doubt most of the top!Joe fans have this precise problem simply because people who make their fave the top are much less common in fandom than people who make their fave the bottom, but I see a similar pattern with fans who are just fundamentally wired for rape fantasies (one of the most common fantasies that exists) vs. fans who just don't get rape fantasies at all. Or substitute your BDSM/kinky/messed up fantasy trope of choice. Covertly radical feminist attitudes towards kink and power are on the rise in fandom, and as a naturally kinky person, boy do I notice it!

I know that it feels like crucial activism to share these insights about why the ratio of top!Joe is hurtful, and the pain you feel is real. But it's also the case that it's a big ask to want people to listen. (Not me. Obviously, I routinely choose to engage with discourse. I mean overall.) The reason for that is that you're only seeing a fraction of what they do or who they are, and you don't know how many previous people they've listened to how many previous times. It's a very different situation from someone whose job is making some major TV series or movie or something. That person does, in my opinion, owe you some amount of listening.

Now, I'm not saying no top Joe fan was ever a jerk. I'll bet they were. There's a tendency to be rude and to publicly air your schadenfreude when you feel like everyone has been yelling at you. What I am saying is that a lot of the problem here boils down to conflicting needs, and that means there isn't a good solution. It's a situation where people are genuinely hurt, but I don't necessarily agree that other people have harmed them.

I like that you did an actual count of the explicit fics, btw. It's good to look at the real numbers. I see too little of that in these situations. My off the cuff reaction is that 2/3 to 1/3 is not a bad ratio at all compared to many fandoms, but yeah, it definitely shows a strong trend, and that can be painful. (I have a fandom where I think there's maybe like 1 bottom so-and-so fic in the entire zine era fandom. One. It's pretty extreme.)

I guess my thinking here overall is: What is the practical solution? What are we hoping to gain? What is reasonable to ask of people?

And it can't be "Well, if they would just listen..." That's just a sneaky way of saying "If you haven't done it my way, it's because you haven't listened to me yet."

So the question I would ask of people is this:

What does a non-racist fic where Joe tops look like?

What does a non-racist sex pollen, dubcon, or even noncon fic where Joe tops look like?

And if you say the latter is impossible... well... sadists exist everywhere in the world. So do doms. So do people who prefer to top in a purely physical sense. People with rape fantasies where they're the rapist exist (people who are not actually rapists, I mean). None of this is restricted to any one group. We can't categorically say fic like that about Joe is coming from a place of racism without denying the fundamental humanity of kinky MENA people who'd want to make Joe like themselves or like their ideal partner. (Yes, I agree this won't be the majority of fic writers writing top!Joe, but this is a place to start for figuring out what the better version would look like.)

IDK, maybe you're that kinkster yourself, but your asks gave me the vibe that you don't really get the drive towards those darker kinds of fics and what might be motivating it besides stereotypes and shittiness.

If we can answer these kinds of questions, we can better critique the way people write what they write without telling them all of their taste is bad and they should just stop writing. Even if we think the latter is true, it isn't going to get us anywhere. Figuring out how to make Joe more multidimensional in the fic they already want to write or finding very specific wording that should be avoided might actually work.

Beyond that, the actions I think are productive would be running prompt fests, exchanges, or other events for bottom!Joe or for top!Joe where he's the main character and the fics are required to be from his POV. Themed collections and recs lists are great. (I've seen a bit of this going around in TOG fandom in the past, and that's an excellent approach! Keep it up!) Positive actions tend to work better here. Make more of what you want. Promote what you want to see.

I don't mean this in some fluffy magical thinking way: you aren't going to change that ratio radically just by the power of positivity. But I've seen this kind of thing play out in many, many fandoms, and going after the people who write what you don't like, even in a well-intentioned effort to educate and even in a polite, kind way doesn't do much. A few people feel guilty. A few feel defensive. A lot ignore you. The overall fic doesn't change. It's not a good use of your limited time and energy.

I'm off to look up that fic to see what I think of it in practice, but I'm going to post this before tumblr manages to eat it.

[ruby-whistler]

Alright curious anon here. All this is /dsmp /rp from here on out unless otherwise specified and is refering to characters. If i make any mistakes or am misinformed please let me know! So by the cat was nothing compared to mushroom henry i was meaning more toward the fact that the cow was killed as a punishment for something not worth or ok for it to be killed for at all and the fact that it belonged to tommy, wheareas the cat was killed more to annoy dream and belonged to tommy. (1/?)

alright then another lengthy reply, here i come! /lh /dsmp /rp

Dream also did not seem to mourn the cat much, shrugging it off with a "just more motivation to break out".

it was killed to hurt dream, not to "annoy him". it doesn't matter who it belonged to, c!dream was attached to it and it died, which had an effect on him and also further proved his point about attachments being weakness and caring getting you hurt, and it's still very sad.

you say that it was not ok at all to kill mooshroom henry, but the cat's death wasn't ok either, so i really don't see your point.

again, i disagree it was "nothing compared to" either way. i never meant to compare them in the first place, i was simply talking about the cat and c!dream so i don't see why it is in any way necessary to drag c!tommy and other dead pets into this. /nm

also, it isn't true he didn't mourn it. he is a very reserved person who doesn't show his feelings much, that's true, but the cat death still changed the way he acted afterwards, as well as the attempts he made to prevent it. he didn't "shrug it off", he yelled about it because he was understandably upset.

You mentioned that propganda was used to make dream seem like a tyrant, could you specify a bjt? Cus im a little confused srry /gen. Because the most i can remember from the lmanburg era at least is him being called a b'tch or other similar insults. You also mentioned how trauma responses can be differet which is true! I agree! Do you have any ideas to what caused dream the trauma?

wilbur would continuously make him out to be some sort of oppressive, tyrannical force, in front of his troops - a prime example of this being the lyrics of the l'manberg anthem itself and the l'manberg declaration of independence.

actually! here's a nice thread about l'manberg's establishment complete with links, timestamps and evidence :]

i also said in my previous post what could've possibly caused it, but since the character intentionally hides his emotions from the public, it would be difficult to see how things really affected him - which is why the way his spiral went is the majority of the evidence that would imply it, however it does make sense within the story as well with what i mentioned last time.

I would like to note that for sapnap at least had reason to leave dream. Some examples off the top of my head are dream leading an angry fundy to sapnap's pets on purpose, resulting in some deaths, dream assisting tommy in burning down sapnap's effiel tower where he got engaged to karl, and dream giving tommy either mars or the other fish at the battle of the lake. Idk about george tho other then the whole mexican lmanburg/el rapids thing and decrowning him

c!sapnap was actually at fault for most of this, and it wasn't really ever betrayal on c!dream's part.

c!dream is a mediator and he wants to stop everyone's conflict - c!fundy was angry because of c!sapnap's actions, and hence it made more sense for c!dream to centre him on c!sapnap's animals instead of running around killing everyone's pets (at that time, all c!dream knew was c!sapnap did something really bad and c!fundy wanted beckerson / mars from him, which were also his and c!george's fish).

c!sapnap was an instigator, and in multiple conflicts during the time as well as before he'd align himself against c!dream. he isn't "loyal" per se, he causes chaos and the reason c!dream helped c!tommy was because, c!sapnap, again, killed his pet. the first l'manberg war and then the 16th are signs of the fact that c!dream and c!sapnap were willing to fight together in actual war, but these small conflicts where c!sapnap continuously picked fights weren't about personal loyalty, nor did they seem to affect their relationship at all.

c!george was never really hurt by c!dream either. the dethronement was him very obviously being a guilt-trippy drama queen, but, well, that's just the character. he had stolen the l'mantree while he was supposed to be the diplomatic figure of the greater smp, which is why c!dream was justified in - very politely, may i mention - taking the duties off of him (seeing as he was also trying to keep him safe and c!techno had already assassinated him once).

Im pretty sure i remember cc!sam stating that his character never canonically physically tortured dream during his subathon but take this with a grain of salt as i am looking for the clip currently. So to the best of my knowledge dream did not have a physical contact trigger during tommy's visit which! I rewatched the vod and dream actually was first to hit tommy and i can give you my full writing downs but 10/12 of the phy-

you never finished this point because you had to go do something, but i'll reply to what is here at the moment (i suggest writing these down before sending next time, or even writing them out wholly before sending a single one could help avoid stuff like this).

i am 95% sure that the reason cc!sam stated this was because people were suspicious he had already been doing what c!quackity was doing after - torture within the storyline itself is associated pretty much only with what c!quackity is doing, so that's what he meant, just to clear up confusion - the starvation or terrible conditions haven't been retconned, but it was direct torture (like c!quackity is doing) people were asking him about.

i never said c!dream had a physical contact trigger at all, i don't think he had that, though he probably will after the torture.

huh, ok, i'm gonna have to rewatch then, but i remember c!tommy punching c!dream a lot and him just telling him to stop and only punching back to get him to stop. trigger or not, getting hit isn't very pleasant, if you know what i mean.

You mentioned tommy stealing dream's armor unprovoked. Do you have the vod or a general idea of the time so i can find it? Like before lmanburg after another event so and so because if you do not have it i can find it but any help is appreciated.

i am pretty sure you can find the video on cc!tommy's channel! there are also recaps of the disc war on youtube :]

I wanna talk a little on why the Final Control Room was so messed up. For starters, with the way the room was designed. It was small, and had labeled, empty chests with each person's name on them as a mockery. The next reason is that its bascially a kill box.

It's fairly inescapble with the stairs being ones you have to jump up, slowing anyone who climbs them down. The final reason it is messed up is that it is shown to have caused every person who died in it trauma. With tommy there are several examples, the time he saw it with techno, the way he refuses to go near it, the exposure trauma, etc. Fundy also appears to have trauma, as when the Red Banquet executions began, it can be seen as him being afraid of dying last again.

It can Be thought as tubbo having trauma because he buries most of his issues and pretends to be ok. Moreover this event took at least one of each person's canon lives, making it the most canon lives lost EVER in a dream smp event. (This is not hate on any of the ccs btw i loved this scene and its one of my personal favorites). Plus the fact Eret's betrayal just literally happened, giving at least Tommy and Wilbur canonic trust issues.

i wouldn't call the chests mockery? it was a trap. people had traps on the smp before. it was a trap in the middle of war, supposed to end said war by killing them all at once rather than individually which would be a lot more bloody and difficult.

i agree c!tommy and other people might have post-war trauma, especially if they were young during the time, but i think that's because the final control room was "messed up", moreso because the war itself was. it all happened fairly instantly as well? i don't think c!fundy would be able to realize he was the last one standing within the two second before he wasn't.

it "can be thought" and it can be interpreted like that but besides c!tommy there isn't much evidence for them "all" being traumatized by the final control room. of course betrayal would spark trust issues, i understand that.

The probation was humiliating in my opinion because dream was Sending tommy anatgonizing messages through out the whole meeting, plus he had to write a review of his day every single day, which fundy mocked him for.

i mean, it was definitely a strike to his pride, but he was being extremely uncooperative so i don't really blame the other members of new l'manberg trying to teach him to listen for once? of course i know c!dream was riling him up, and that should definitely be considered. i don't think it would be as humiliating if c!tommy didn't make it, is what i'm saying.

for the tommy being toxic to fundy? At least for the examples you gave, to me personally they come acoross as either in a meta way being the cc's bantering or in canon being the characters having banter. If you can send the post with the clips so i can read the tone better that would be cool but if not i will try and find em.

no, these were all in canon. canon isn't only when c!tommy is being nice, it's also when he's being a jerk. /lh

the first one was him threatening c!fundy about kicking him out of l'manberg and undermining his self-worth, and the second one was him trying to get c!sapnap to vote for them via bullying c!fundy.

i found these from a transcript focusing on c!fundy's character, so i don't know exactly where the first one is from, but the second one i am pretty sure is from when the elections were starting with the whole cabinet battle deal and all of that.

there are other instances, and all of them are canon. his personality was never being nice or compassionate, so i'm not really surprised? he still cares about the people he cares about and is very brave, y'know. but this part of his personality is definitely a valid reason for people to dislike him.

I hope the exam went well :). Hope u have a great day! (Ps i think theres something called a submission box to send in pictures? Am not entirely sure sry)

it would've gone well but my work-speed is a tad too slow for the schooling system (considering i'm three years younger than my classmates,,, probably that's also a factor) so probably not despite the fact i knew everything and would've aced it if i only had more time. i did as well as i could so i'm not worried about it, but thanks!

i think you're thinking submissions. sadly, i tested it and it doesn't work on anons, so idk how you'd solve that, maybe make a burner account?

Curious anon here one point you may wanna include in the redemption essay is that c!tubbo or c!tommy do not necessarily have to forgive him. What's important is that he recognizes what he did was wrong (exile, beating tommy to death, manipulating them both, etc) and does his best to make amends. Hope this helps! Can't wait to see your essay

it's out, idk if you've seen it yet, and i think i included enough of that so hope it's all good! :)

the mcc update video is out if you are an mcc enjoyer. It's very neat, if you wanna check it out

yeah! i am a fellow mcc enjoyer, saw it already, thanks for telling me though, i'm really hype for today.

Allo curious anon here sorry if the lots of asks bother you. I was just curious if i could share an interesting post i saw today about c!dream :0 (not necessarily negative i think? More of a statement of an often-confused canon)

sure thing! i don't know what you mean by often-confused since, the entire fanbase is very confused always, and often selection bias plays into the perception from both sides, but sure :]

you also sent in a thing for the other anon who said they didn't know what c!dream did that bad; pretty sure they couldn't really be alerted since, not sure if they watch my blog that closely, but i'll summarize your points just in case and add some notes;

the repeated blowing up of l'manberg (in my mind that's largely a positive since i,, despise that country, but fair enough), revealed c!ranboo as a traitor (they seem to be friends so i also,, think that might've been planned between him and enderboo), sent ghostbur away (i don't think c!dream knew it was dangerous for him and wanted to actually hurt him, but idk), participated in fighting against c!sapnap when he killed people's pets (that's only negative against c!sapnap and didn't seem to hurt him much at all), and then the whole vault scene where he was allegedly planning to steal people's things (though saying he would & being stopped beforehand and doing it are two different things, frankly).

so i still agree with the other anon that a lot of the hurt he did "to the entire server" (he only negatively interacted with like,, a half of them) is exaggerated both by the characters and the fandom, but i guess that's a consequence of most people seeing him as a threat to everyone's happiness rather than a complex personality.

Also he was aware of the butcher army going to kill techno but only got involved because he saw an opportunity to get a favor. (As he knew in advance due to him telling techno to get a totem, watching from afar instead of interveing or manipulating tubbo out of it)

i don't understand this at all, i'm sorry. how do you know he only helped techno in order to get a favor? last i remember he was only doing it to protect and strengthen his alliance, and techno came up with the whole favor thing entirely on his own. you might've not watched techno's perspective or their prior interactions, idk, but this really is a misinterpretation in my eyes. /nm

sorry if that is overly dream negative i just wanted to let yall know cus you seemed unaware -curious anon

nah dw, i watch the smp and i watched all of these things happen so, wouldn't say unaware, but thanks.

[caffernnn]

Final stroke spoilers: ⚠️‼️

I just saw a post on Twitter about the Haru and Rin scene and how they didn’t feel that it was that ooc of Haru. I thought I was the only one who felt that it was kind of justified on Haru’s end. Because both Rin and Ikuya put Haru and their friends through so much when they were lost and wanted to swim with Haru again. And I get that professional swimming is entirely different than what they’re used to, but it really sucks that as soon as the competition got a little hard they decided to just drop free and only swim their preferred styles. That’s got to be a slap in the face to Haru, because what was all of that other stuff about? Like Rin wanted for YEARS for Haru to swim on the world stage and after the first race is like “you’re on your own.” He honestly deserves it to be honest even if Haru would’ve never said anything to protect their friendship he was clearly thinking or thought these thoughts. For a show where Haru is the mc we rarely get to see how he feels about things. I wish we can see the movie soon, cause I really wanna see how that whole sequence takes place.

⚠️ Talking about Free! Final Stroke spoilers below the cut ⚠️

It’s wild to me (it probably shouldn’t be surprising; idk) how even going off of just spoilers, there is a clear divide in the reactions people are having to Haru’s actions in the movie, especially in reference to the sudden shift leading up to the fight with Rin. I can see why people are surprised by it on a base level because so much of his successes in DttF, paired with the camaraderie everyone seems to have for a majority of the movie, leads you to believe Haru has emotionally matured and stabilized since high school, which is true! He’s more open to change and examining his emotions, especially as he starts to grapple with a high-stakes long-term goal for what feels like the first time. With that said, all of this can be true at the same time Haru is going through a steady breakdown that can/will likely lead to burnout. So many people who’ve been put through rigorous academic programs or career training or anything else equally as intensive can attest to the frustration of feeling like every few steps forward (gaining experiential knowledge, making connections, learning more about your identity in reference to x goal, etc) are followed by a step back (exhaustion, plateaus, expectations you can’t meet, mistakes spilling out when you can’t keep repressing the negatives in the name of “productivity”). Haru was able to make it this far because he has grown and started to heal some of the cracks in his support group, but the sheer amount of pressure makes it easier for him to break, and old wounds that never fully healed have time to fester.

I probably sound like a broken record in these movie-related posts when talking about Haru getting obsessed with becoming stronger and not knowing what to do with that fairly new and overwhelming drive. I can’t be mad at Haru completely for his choices here (can’t wait to be called a Haru apologist when the movie comes out in more places jfjdjd) because he partially fell victim to circumstance. This is one of the first times Haru takes the expectations of him being a “hero” or “prodigy” into consideration, and now he’s trying to navigate the expectations of success that come with those titles while not being sure 1) what exactly they are beyond winning, and 2) not being sure if they’re actually attainable for him. Along with that, he’s putting faith in Ryuuji’s instruction and guidance because he needs someone with any sort of credibility or experience with the pro circuit to show him how to get to the top. Even though from an outside standpoint it’s easier to discredit and reject Ryuuji’s assertion that everyone at the top has to give something up to get there, there are a number of reasons Haru reconsiders the notion with everything he’s seeing. He’s seeing his newest rivals reach crazy success and strength through isolation, and Ryuuji is dangling a golden opportunity in front of his face by going to Haru in the moments where he’s most vulnerable and saying “yes, that strength you crave is possible for you, but only if you pay this specific price for it.” Nobody should bear the weight of “saving” Haru from his circumstances (especially not his friends on their own journeys… Ryuuji and other mentors watching this trainwreck can eat my shorts tho), but dealing with this ultimatum while his core support group is pushing forward through their own challenges and/or busy in another country, I can’t be too surprised when he starts to overextend himself and burst at the seams.

As far as the blow-up with Rin, I won’t say it’s fully justified, but it’s understandable. The way Haru has had to make peace with his hardships with Ikuya and Rin has largely been by atoning for his own involvement in those rifts and trying to turn over a new leaf without expecting much in return. He took the opportunities of swimming with both of them again to replace any apologies on their parts and largely made peace with it. As much as it’s going to hurt to watch, I’m interested to see this fight play out because it sounds like it addresses a problem we bring up a lot in meta analyses posts: there needs to be more explicit conversations and apologies between characters, or the closure feels flimsy and temporary at best. This fight isn’t about closure (it’s about a lot of things both involving and excluding Rin, but I ranted about that in the other spoiler post) but it’s acknowledgement after all of this time that there’s still a need for it. Having Rin back in his life as a rival and friend has held the caveat in the back of his mind that Rin will leave his side again if Haru’s friendship/rivalry stops serving all of his interests. Haru’s ultimate fear of being abandoned by people, of people using him without understanding him and then throwing him aside for someone/something else, is drastically coming back to the surface in all of his stress. Rin and Ikuya choosing to continue their pro careers with strokes that better suit their strengths isn’t abandonment, just like Makoto choosing a university in Tokyo wasn’t, but Haru is so lost in his own stress and despair that he can’t see these choices as anything but personal attacks in the moment. These choices don’t have to do with Haru and we’re never meant to hurt him (which he comes to realize by the end of each fight), but the unresolved issues mixed with his fears make him explode.

It’s not a black and white situation where only one side is in the right, and I hope whatever resolution comes in the second movie acknowledges that. Rin didn’t deserve Haru’s taunting and wrath in that moment, but I do want him to reflect on the whole mess and recognize that Haru’s in a desperate place not unlike the one he was in when he first went to Australia and seemingly cut everyone off. I want them both to consider that avoiding airing out those insecurities because it’d be uncomfortable or embarrassing ultimately led them back here, unsure how to talk about changes and concerns without first having one of them explode or hit rock bottom. They can be friends outside of swimming, I’d want them to be friends outside of swimming, but I think Haru isn’t blind to how much of their connection is reliant on intrigue in the water, and a part of him is scared that Rin won’t have a reason to stick around if they aren’t rivaling each other in the same stroke anymore.

All of this can make for a great chance of resolution in the second movie, if done well. There’s opportunity for Haru to realize that the trajectory of dreams can change, and just like Rin changing his stroke or Makoto changing his training emphasis, you can honor the parts of the dream that first inspired you while finding a path that honors the person you’ve become. There’s opportunity for Haru to break from the dangerous echo chamber he’s currently in telling him he has to do this all alone in a few ways. Maybe he’ll have a moment where he’s like “I gave up everything and still couldn’t get stronger, so now I need to get back to finding what gives me strength personally.” Maybe he’ll have a moment where he’s like “if my only option is a path paved in loneliness, I need to find a new dream.” There are so many directions the story can go in at this point, and I’m excited to see what happens next (and maybe write about the paths they don’t choose lol).

[luvspence]

darling, you’re the one i want

spencer reid x reader

{im not quite sure this is how a song fic works but this is basically stolen from paper rings by taylor swift, i’m using the lyrics as like prompt one liner things?????? idk bare with me}

- 1,3,4 are mainly fluff but 2 is a lot of fighting and bickering

——-

i want to drive away with you

“do you ever feel”

you took a pause in the middle of your thought, spencer spun around in his chair to face you

“indeed, i do feel”

“shut up i’m thinking” you said as you laughed and slapped him on the arm

“do you ever feel like, trapped? like boxed in almost”

he chewed on the end of his pen

“i guess? elaborate”

“well, i love my life. i have no regrets. but sometimes i feel like just running into the streets and screaming and keep running and never stopping? just fleeing in a sense”

“yeah, i get that. sort of an intrusive liberating type thought”

“exactly” you said tapping your finger to yourself head, a few seconds of silence passed before you spoke again

“i want to drive away with you”

spencer looked at you in confusion

“you’re all i need, seriously. i love everything in our lives right now i do, but i could go without all of it, besides you”

he rolled his chair up next to your and caught your hand in his

“i’d get up right now, keys in the ignition, and i’d drive into nowhere with you y/n. you’re it for me”

——

i want your complications too

you chased spencer up the stair way

“spencer!”

he turned around

“listen to me would you? every time i open my mouth it seems that you turn off your ears”

“i’m all ears y/l/n” he said, giving you more attitude than necessary, but you were having a hard time getting through to him

“that was unbelievably stupid! you could’ve gotten yourself killed! spencer this isn’t the first time, let alone the second, let alone the 7th time you’ve put yourself in harms way! this is so dumb spencer you understand this shit but you still are reckless! and don’t give me that crap about calculated risks”

you were fuming at him

“so what i’m alive, so is our victim what more do you want?”

“why are you turning this on me? i don’t want shit from you spencer! it’s not what i want! it’s your life! my god i shouldn’t have to justify to my colleague, god to my friend why i care about them being alive!”

“well i am alive. so i don’t know why you’re so bothered y/n it’s like your my mother or something” he said as he continued walking up the stair case

“no, you don’t get to do that. you don’t get to put your life on the line and then treat me like i’m the irrational one. painting me as the villain when i only just care about you”

“why do you care so much?”

“because i’m your friend?! because i love you?!”

he ignored you and resumed walking up the stairs

“you know what spencer? it’s because i love you. it’s because i love you so much that it affects my sleep. so much that i always make you coffee when you come in. so much that no matter what i’m doing, where i’m doing or who i’m doing it with, you’re always on my mind. the problem is spencer, not that i love you, that i’m IN love with you. and even at that you can’t seem to let me in. so i don’t know what the fuck to do anymore”

a tear fell down your cheek as you slammed the door and left

spencer standing dead in his tracks on the stair case. honestly wanting to vomit

-

you spent the rest of your day scream crying. so many emotions that you couldn’t quite process anything

you were laying on your couch, radio head on your phone, dried tears on your cheeks when your heard the doorbell ring

you go and open it

spencer

“hi”

“hi?”

you stood in your doorway, looking at each other with swollen eyes

silence, 2 seemingly frozen bodies

until spencer opened his mouth

“look, i’m sorry.”

“yeah me too”

you were sick of him, sick of how he couldn’t communicate, of how blind he could be. but something about his face was so so good. you were about to shut the door in frustration before spencer started to speak again 

“and with what you said, about the love thing...”

he took a big gulp 

“i do too. i love you too. i mean i’m in love with you too”

what. the. fuck.

between the shock and the upset you were feeling, there was little part of your heart that warmed when he said those words. you opened your mouth to speak but spencer cut you off

“and i just wanted to say that because i uh i owe you the truth always. regardless. but anyway, i don’t think we should pursue that though”

you stood in your doorway in shock

you didn’t know if you wanted to fight him, cry, or vomit

probably all of the above

you were blank, nothing came to your mouth. you tried to speak, tried to scream , but the only thing that came out was 

“what?”

“i’m no good for you, you deserve someone who can be perfect for you. you deserve that truly. and i can’t be that. so i’m sorry but that’s just how it is. i just want you to be happy. you don’t deserve a guy that you have to yell at in stairways, that makes you cry until your eyes swell shut, a guy that cant reconcile his emotions for crap or can’t communicate or anything that i am. so im sorry, but i think this is what’s best for you.”  he stuck his hands in his pants

“so bye i guess”

you were paralyzed, a surplus of information hitting you all at once. you couldn’t quite process it but you knew you couldn’t just let him walk away

“you’re idiotic” you shouted as he was about to get on the elevator

“i’m what now?”

“idiotic. no ones buying the ‘i’m not a nice guy’ crap”

“it’s not crap, it’s true. i’m no good for you”

“oh please spencer you’re acting like this is your villian orgin story. first off, who do you think you even are? i’m an adult i don’t need a white man who doesn’t know how to brush his hair to tell me whats ‘good for me’”

“i’m just looking out for you”

“okay, thanks, but i’m a big girl spencer i know how to take care of myself. and even so i don’t even think thats what this is about. you know what i think? i think that you’re too scared to admit that you don’t feel the same way. which is fine by the way, but if you’re to scared to face the reality of whatever your feeling and youre covering it by turning it on me? by saying that ‘i’m too good for you’ thats fucked up and thats that spencer.”

you caught your breath and continued 

“because spencer i know you’re pulling all this shit about not being good for me but is that even true? spencer reid we’re perfect for eachother. in every way. and if you’re blind to that than whatever, but i don’t want you to lie to try and tiptoe around my feelings”

“ever since you walked into the bau y/n ive loved you. every word you’ve ever said to me get played on repeat in my head. i love you i would want nearly nothing but to be with you y/n. i love you that much. that’s why i’m trying to our myself above what i want and above whatever so that you can be the happiest you can be. it’s just that i don’t want to hurt you. you don’t deserve that. i never want you to hurt ever. and i can only prevent that by taking myself out of the picture”

“spencer, when i said i love you. it means all of you. i want every side to spencer reid. i want your complications too. it’s all worth it spencer because you’re the one for me”

you two stood there for a couple minutes. it was the longest and shortest time of your life. spencer eventually took a deep sigh and stepped in a step closer to you, looking down at your face

red from the crying, left eye swollen shut, giving him a weak smile

“you’re the one for me”

——

i want your dreary mondays

“thursday”

“no?! the worst day of the week is monday obviously”

“monday is underrated in my opinion”

you were conversing with spencer while walking through the park after dinner

“monday is the worst, it’s so hard after the two perfect days of rest to return the mundane process of life”

“sure”

“so thursday? story behind that?”

-

“hey have you seen spence?” you asked around the office, only getting head shakes

it was the monday after a long weekend, and spencer has had a less than ideal day

just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, spilt hot coffee on his pants, forgot his satchel at hole

you searched around for him, when you realized

when spencer was overwhelmed or stressed or sad or anything like that, he retreated to the basement file room

no one ever went down there, and there was a closet with a couch in it that was good for taking mid day breaks

you ran down the stairs, opening the door to the closet and sure enough spencer was there

“hey”

“hi”

he wiped his hand across his face, presumably for a tear

“what’s up spence?”

you said scooting next to him on the closet couch

“having a monday”

“i’m sorry to hear that, what’s going on”

“well besides the coffee incident and satchel problem...” he began to rant about how his day was going less than ideal. when he stopped abruptly

“hey, you don’t need to listen to this”

“i dont have to, but i want to”

“are you sure? i’d hate to bore you with my bad day”

“come on spence, i want your dreary mondays something you gotta recognize, is that you’re such an incredible person, that your bad days are better than most people’s best.”

“yeah, perspective right. my worst days are someone’s best”

“yeah, but don’t ever feel invalidated abt your bad days, you always deserve to feel upset, and i’ll always be here to listen to it”

“god i love you”

—-

wrap your arms around me baby boy

spencer wasn’t a touchy person

germaphobe habits

but something about you, he was magnetic to you

no matter what it was, on the jet, in the office, while in line at the grocery store, anywhere and everywhere he always had you in a hug

coming up behind you while you were cooking, wrapping his arms around the back of your neck while you were working

he adored you, and you adored him

after a case, the team decided to hit the local bar, nearing the end of the night, they started to play slower stuff

slower jazzier beats, the dj came on and said

“okay you couples! get up there”

a few couples hand gone up, you were tugging on spencer’s arm to accompany you up there

“well if you don’t go you know morgan will”

derek raised an eyebrow at him, and before you knew it he was dragging you on stage.

poor spencer didn’t know how to dance correctly, he was standing so far from you. hands in each other’s hands like middle schoolers

“jeez spence, wrap your arms around me”

you grabbed his hands, positioning them on your waist, you wrapped your arms around his neck, and leaned into his chest

swaying back and forth, as the sinatra echoed the other the bar and the click of garcias camera could be heard

and in that moment, nothing felt better or more right, than dancing in spencer reids arms

[tryingsomethingoutidkyet]

Ham Hocks: 100 follower celebration

Ok so I may have accidentally found some writing inspiration . It is currently 4am and the smoke is clearing out of my house. Let’s see if this turns out well.

WORDS: 1.4k

Warnings: Fire (not really, but almost)

Pro hero! Sero x College!Reader 

////////////////////

Let’s get one thing clear, you can cook, you can. It’s just that you were tired. Which is justified. You had been working for the past two weeks non-stop on a project for your college class that you’re more than willing to admit you invested an unhealthy amount of time into completing, so much so that you hardly had a break.

It’s not that you didn’t want to take a break either, in fact, you thought you’d be done by now. And you would’ve been if your project partner actually did his half of the work instead of lying to you about how much he was getting done every time you checked in with him, only for him to tell you the week before the project was due that he hadn’t actually gotten anything done besides putting his name on it and yes, it was too late to switch partners. Which is how you got stuck gathering weeks of research, siting sources and linking articles into a few days of effort in order to get a passing grade.

It was about 12am and you had just finished the final page of your work, thankfully having gotten both halves of the project done without any other issues. You even had time to attach a detailed note to your professor about who did what exactly. Yes it was petty, but you did everything yourself and you refuse to allow the very reason you had been up for the past few days, surviving on an aggressive amount of coffee and maybe 8 hours of sleep total to get the same grade as you.

After completing your project you find yourself suddenly aware of all the needs you’ve deprived yourself of for the past few days. You were hungry and tired and you just wanted to take a shower that was longer than 5 minutes. So that’s what you set out to do.

Let’s get one thing clear, you can cook, you can. It’s just that you were tired. Which is justified. You had been working for the past two weeks non-stop on a project for your college class that you’re more than willing to admit you invested an unhealthy amount of time into completing, so much so that you hardly had a break.

After completing your project, you find yourself suddenly aware of all the needs you’ve deprived yourself of for the past few days. You were hungry and tired, and you just wanted to take a shower that was longer than 5 minutes. So that’s what you set out to do.

 It didn’t work out that way

You had scoured your kitchen for a quick meal and unfortunately came up with nothing. Dealing with the project kept you so busy you guess you forgot to buy food. The only thing you had in your freezer was a pack of fatass ham hocks and those take forever to get done. You contemplated sleep for dinner tonight before finally deciding to put them on the stove. “I’ll just sleep in tomorrow.” You reassured yourself as you headed to the shower.

Coming back from your shower at about 1am, you sat on your bed turned on the tv to distract yourself while you wait. There was nothing on considering how late it was, so you decided to leave it on the news.

  Now onto some exciting hero news. Pro hero Cellophane was seen today taking down a pretty big villain…  

 “At least I’ll stay up for this.” You say to yourself as you adjust on the bed, trying to find a comfortable position. You had been a Cellophane fan for a while so seeing him finally getting recognition for all his hard work was pretty exciting.

  The anchor lady continued to talk about the rising star pro-hero and his defeat of some creepy villain that looked like a science project gone wrong.

   You weren’t really paying attention to the news anchor as she spoke, preferring to focus your attention onto the footage that played in the background of your favorite hero.

 Honestly, you don’t even know how you became a fan. It’s not like you were always big on heroes. You couldn’t name more than a few but somehow, the human tape dispenser had caught your attention from the very start of his career. He always seemed to go out of his way to help civilians, no matter how small their troubles may have been. Which should be normal for a hero but seeing as how the pro hero Screamy Mc Anger Face is sitting at #2 on the hero charts, you really held an appreciation for Cellophane.

 It also didn’t hurt that over the years of you being a fan, this man has gotten more and more attractive. He had gotten taller, and now according to the tape man himself, was sitting at a good 6’2. His jaw had become more shaped and his form had filled out a little as well thanks to his years in the hero business. He had let his hair grow out a little more and seemed to mainly keep it in a ponytail for his hero work. He was truly the most attractive man you’ve ever seen.

 You were so caught up in your thoughts of Sero you hadn’t even noticed you were falling asleep.

You didn’t get much time to rest, however as you were being pulled out of your slumber by someone roughly shaking you. Your eyes shot open and met with a set of deep brown pupils that seemed so familiar although you didn’t quite know why. Allowing your vision to adjust, you see that they belong to someone you’d found yourself admiring for a while. “Oh, I must be dreaming.” You say to yourself as you roll over, fully intending to get the most out of whatever this was you were being blessed with. You loved when god blessed your dreams, at least you thought it was a dream.

 Only until you felt yourself being lifted into some pretty solid arms. “Ok definitely not a dream, y/n.”  Your eyes shot open once again, very much awake this time. The Sero Hanta was carrying you. But why? You were trying to wrap your head around the situation, but it was hard to focus. There was a loud screeching that had filled your head and you couldn’t see much further than Sero’s head due to the thick smoke in the house. That was when it clicked: My ham hocks

 Before you knew it, you were out of your apartment complex and being placed feet first onto the cold ground. After a quick look to see you weren’t physically injured, he began to speak.” It doesn’t look like anything more than smoke; I checked the whole house.” He stated before gesturing toward your smoking apartment. “I’m going back inside to open the windows and turn off the alarm; wait here.” He walked off into your apartment. Sero Hanta was just standing in front of you. Sero Hanta was just carrying you. Oh my god oh my god oh my god.

 When he came back, he was holding a few of your items in hand. “It looks like you’re just gonna have to wait it out, so I got you a few things from inside; I hope you don’t mind.” He says handing you one of your jackets, a pair of fuzzy slippers and your phone. “Thanks.” You say, slipping on the items before focusing your attention on him. He was so much hotter in person. How is that possible?

  “So… how’d you get in my house?” He looked surprised. “Oh, wow that sounded rude, I’m sorry.” You say nervously “It’s just that as attractive as you are, I’d rather not have a stalker. Wait that’s not what I meant- “he cut you off with a chuckle. “No, it’s fine. I guess I just wasn’t really expecting that question. I was coming back from patrol and I saw smoke coming from over there.” He says gesturing toward your open kitchen window. “So, I climbed through. Thankfully, your room door was closed so no smoke was able to get in. You’re a pretty heavy sleeper, by the way.”

 “Yeah, not really” you sheepishly reply, “I had a big project for class that kept me up for a while, so I guess my body just kinda went into a coma.”  You were less nervous now “Honestly I’m surprised my neighbors didn’t hear all the noise.” Despite everything that happened, they hadn’t made a peep. “Well, it is 3am. At this point they’re probably all dead to the world.”

 “Oh, I didn’t realize it was so late” You say, checking your phone. “You probably want to get home, so I won’t keep you.” You had felt guilty. He spent today battling villains and now he couldn’t go home because somebody couldn’t stay awake long enough to keep their sad meal from turning into an almost house fire.

 Sero didn’t seem to mind standing there with you at all, however. “No, it’s fine.” he reassured, “I really don’t mind. Besides, you’re pretty attractive yourself.” Wait-

He grins and continues “ Also, I was hoping that while I was getting your number, you could tell me what it was you were cooking in that pot, because I couldn’t figure it out.

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