#sorry i was gone with no word
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ok im back- im gonna go though the requests in the inbox rn
#mod madame#sorry i was gone with no word#but i have more time to do this stuff rn so we're back open!!
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felt silly
theyre besties i promise...
oh also theres this guy
#ben drowned#jeff the killer#creepypasta#doodles#fanart#my art#merkoart#i know nothing about ben tbh sorry NSKDJD#i keep forgetting about him#until now...#haven't drawn the dude in years and im attaching that pedestal thingy to him because#idk i think it looks funny#hehe#ben calls jeff the b word gone wrong#eyeless jack
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[Day 136]
Greyout
#dddaily4sherin#grian#goodtimeswithscar#desert duo#my art#secret life#secret life spoilers#secret life smp#trafficblr#traffic smp#secret life fanart#cant believe i finished this on time actually HJREHNE WE BALL#all the brain fog and anxiety from noxs words. fjsjdjsnsksnekwmmw that episode was insane#that part scar edited during the skizz part has not left my mind#and I imagine that this is what he constantly sees during the session when he's panicked 💥💥💥💥💥#(which is also the reason grian did not end up teaming up with him bc he kept having to run away and was all the over place)#the secret keeper wants us gone#sorry for editing i want to put these in the tags instead and keep the caption clean o7
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i love how fantastically selfish paul is as a concept. they chose to go together, to be together in the river, a mutual sacrifice so they wouldnt have to go it alone or use the other. and they just left a trail of people behind them who loved them, but not enough to save them
#sorry im thinking about how like#the sixth were gideon and harrows first real friends#no ulterior motives they werent trying to envoke house politics shit#they were just Nice#and the sixth did them a massive favor (watching nona) and the ninth helped them too#(gideon told cam pals last words and also saved her life harrow found pal in the river)#its just. GUH. the most genuine people they know are just gone. forever and ever#and thats before i even get into the sixths parents#camilla specifically did not talk to her dads before they did it SHAKING HER you are INSANE to me#sorry guys you csn never see your kids again you Can visit their walking tombstone though
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[ cw: dismemberment / ]
I think a lot about how Leo’s rescue could have easily ended in him losing a leg as the portal snaps shut on the Krang still clutching the limb, or, alternatively, only having Leo’s right arm make it out, still held dearly in his brother’s hand as the rest of Leo is left behind. (The latter hits even harder, as it directly parallels his future self in the worst of ways.)
I think a lot about how so many things could have gone wrong during the course of the movie with even a little bit of a change, but it really is harrowing how much of a coin-flip the entirety of the Prison Dimension rescue was.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rottmnt headcanons#rise leo#dismemberment /#if literally any part of the prison dimension rescue was different it would have ended Very Badly#mikey came in clutch for doing the impossible in the first place#raph grabbing leo and not once letting go was vital#and donnie directly hitting the krang was essential#hell leo having the ability to reach out at all in the state he was in was a miracle#listen I think about the prison dimension a lot if you couldn’t tell#for the next tags:#strangulation mention /#physical trauma induced mutism /#potential death mention /#potential sibling death mention /#barely it mainly focuses on if he lives but /#I also think about how Leo’s trachea could have easilyyy given out as Raph (krangified) was choking him#can you imagine the last words raph hearing from his little brother being I’m sorry?#he’d likely live as the hamato bros are built different but imagine if he straight up can’t talk again after#the bros having no idea what Leo’s plan is but they suddenly feel him disappear with the portal#or also#imagine all he gets out in his hoarse voice is to beg Casey to close the portal before his family HEARS the sudden silence like a knife#even if he gets saved his voice may be wrecked or even gone for good#what am I writing wait-#also for my point on leo losing his arm paralleling his future self#imagine fate being a thing in this world but a VERY situational thing#imagine it makes it so that leo has to lose a limb#but not just that - it also ties his presence directly with the Krang’s - so if the Krang’s somewhere else…so is he
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teru & socialization
i've posted about this before but something ive been thinking about a LOT is mp100's themes of loneliness (and eventual connections). i think this is an aspect of teru's character (in particular) that gets left out because it's not as explicit but i've been wanting to do a deep dive on it for a while and i finally sat down to do it. just a warning, this post is gonna be LONG.
these two panels are from chapter 16 of the manga (which i'm using for my evidence because i. dont want to scrub through the anime LOL). initial sentiment: teru uses his powers to cheat having friends/a good social life and wouldn't have that if he tried earnestly. this is a fair interpretation of the scene. with what we know, at this point of time (as in within the teru-mob fight) teru would not be able to connect with other people earnestly, due to his mindset. which i think is a fair interpretation, HOWEVER:
(from chapter 17 ^^) the first panel shows teru's expression to be strained and the second is visibly unhappy. this puts the first set of panels into a different context, that maybe underneath all of this, teru doesn't WANT any of this life that he's built. keep in mind that i'm analyzing this with teru's possible autistic tendencies in mind & you dont have to believe he's autistic, im not your dad, but i do find this a pretty meaningful indication of masking if he were
(note: yes, the strain can definitely be read as comp-het, and i would agree but that's not relevant so go read this post on that instead)
even if the rest of these panels show teru content with his life, i think these expressions are pretty vital to how we read his life especially because we know so little of it. think about it, if you were a kid desperate for affection because you couldn't get it anywhere else, especially not in a way that would come off as "mature" or "unaffected", wouldn't you also look for validation in your popularity? even if it aligned you with people who you consider fundamentally different to you? my point here is that teru can't not stand out-- it's in his nature-- and we are shown how he tries to blend in & receive attention in the only way possible to him; which is to say that he molds himself into something that is palatable, likeable, and superior to other people. if he's nothing, like mob, he has spent his entire life covering up for it. if he fails socially, like mob, he has to be good at everything (even if he cheats to do so) so that everyone else can look past it.
(side note for my teru angst enjoyers: this is a panel of his mom. the mom who he hasn't seen in years. doesn't it make sense that, if he hasn't heard his mom say he's proud of him for literal years, that he would overachieve in response? not related to the autism thing i just have the teru bug. also don't be misogynistic in my notes both his parents suck we just get a singular mention of his mom)
so if teru couldn't meaningfully have friends before mob, that could very easily be because of his past mindset, right?
...except, we don't.. really... see him make other friends afterwards.
but, the awakening lab, right?
(ok i lied to you sorry there is one anime screenshot and thats because it stood out to me while i rewatched it earlier this month. sorry.) id like to bring attention to this screenshot during the cultural festival because the awakening lab can definitely be seen as a direct contradiction of this and i'd like to point out a couple things:
1) in this scene the shiratori brothers are in another room 2) them and the other three are friends with ritsu (or at least close enough acquaintances to want to see him).
considering this is one of the only times they appear together for Fun i am more inclined to believe this is an encounter where they went together because they all would've gone separately anyway. this isn't to discount the possible bond that these characters might have, but thats the thing. we... aren't really shown that they're friends and enjoy spending time together outside of this screenshot, where two out of six of the members are not even present. not to mention that teru is still placing himself in a role separate from his peers. despite stripping the superiority away, teru is still the awakening lab's mentor, not friend. teru still views himself as fundamentally different in a context where his psychic powers don't make him that way.
...except with mob. i bring this placement of power up because where he is the awakening lab's mentor, teru declares mob to be his rival, or, in other words, teru is just like him. he is accepting that mob and him are the same. (and if we view mob from an autistic lens... so on and so forth)
as if to hammer in that point even further-- in the summer vacation omake, teru explicitly states that "summer break is just a super long, super boring stretch of alone time." i'm not sure of the timeline here, but guessing from the hair, we're at least post season 1. which gives us explicit confirmation here that teru is spending the break alone despite his relationship to the awakening lab. his connection to mob is a lifeline here because mob is one of the only people who can intuitively understand teru's isolation without judgment
(also, on that point of teru's autistic tendencies: teru does and says a LOT of things that would raise other peoples eyebrows and doesn't seem to notice.
here we get teru actively admitting to his home life, right in front of reigen, WHO COULD CALL CHILD SERVICES ON HIM? this genuinely made me rethink this character entirely. teru's filter is... minimal. he isn't constantly volunteering information and generally minds his own business, but if you ask? Well.
teru is a social person, but to say he is proficient in understanding social situations seems... wrong. teru views his loneliness as boring because, despite being fairly open, does not actually allow himself to think about his own feelings and how they affect him. this loneliness is boring because he doesn't have enough of a reference to realize its not
if we are taking pre-mob teru to be a version of himself who is masking, or at the very least someone who is faking a lot of stuff in a less autistic sense, the fight with mob changes teru to the point where he no longer hides himself. in the same way that mob was able to shake teru's fragile superiority complex i think the change in appearance marks the end of the self teru had built up. from this point on we see him become a lot more... Him. his appearance and his fashion choices are, presumably, completely normal to him and we get no indication that he believes otherwise despite the reactions it gets-- which is... well, i wouldn't be writing this post if i thought it was one of his most neurotypical traits.
in fact, he seems... pretty oblivious to what other people think of him. which is an interesting distinction to make considering the intelligence we Know he possesses (which is not to say that you are unintelligent if you don't pick up on social cues, just that its common for media to depict it that way.) these traits are made pointedly, even if unintentionally, separate, ESPECIALLY when you note the amount of characters who Do ruminate on or stare at teru's appearance.
some examples. i don't even think this is all of it-- case in point.)
#mp100#mob psycho 100#mp100 meta#mp100 analysis#teruki hanazawa#fun fact this post was originally going to be about terus autistic traits and then i got scared sorry#mostly bc i was pointing out stuff that made me go Hes just like me Frrrr...#and i dont actually know if thats a good metric bc im only like 90% sure im autistic#tho i think writing 1000+ words on a characters potential autism is. um. its. well.#text#ok ive gone back and forth on posting this a billion times bc ive looked at it too much JUST READ THEPOST
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what ur favorite dsmp character. like i feel like its wilbur but i wanna make sure. my favorite is technoblade cause adowdiafjjef idk man i love him so much
#further discussion in tags i wanted to keep the post empty for hilarity#YES SORRY C!WIL HAS CONSUMED MY EVERY WAKING MOMENT. MY WIPS AND MY GALLERY IS FULL OF C!WILBUR#hes so. he was selfish and he dared to dream and he wanted and he almost got it and he watched it all crumble before him through his hands#or anothers and he was back and he wanted to fix everything but he couldnt (like putting a bandaid on the crater) everything#goes unsaid everything gets stuck in his throat in the end he ran off again and there are only two directives for him: live (failed) and#learn (failed) and love (almost)#he is a fifty-thick layer of actor-metaphors and masks and costumes and roles to play. there is so much more 2 say but im running out of#words#imagine it like a sliding scale of favouritism and c!wil has gone beyond and is just sitting above the scale and under is c!quackity#-> c!SBI -> cranboo -> ccharlie -> so on so forth#i love ctechno too theres so much going on with the motherfucker (affectionate) i could draw him in So Many Situations too#and the fan designs are so >>>>>>>>>>#and the blood god imagery is SOOOOOO >>>>>>#the brutality and gentleness he is oft depicted in is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO#image stolen from Ratthew on twitter#hymns questioned
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hey what if @zoanluen au v2 what then
#ive been fucking obsessed with this au#not that u'd know cause i have a different tumblr to go feral on and ive been gone for like a week but#take my word for it#or dont i dont care im not ur dad#can u tell i didnt put any effort into the outfit? i can. i just got excited about pigtails#i always get so worried when participating in an au that isnt mine ESPECIALLY when im new to the fandom#like hi ultrakill its me and im not going away sorry :(#wasting time tryina think of a fanart tag#ultrakill
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You, Me, Us: Chapter 16
To Dance With Wolves: Chapter 31
Two for Tripping (Into Love): Chapter 8
The Gothification of Enid Sinclair
#wenclair#wenclair au#wednesday addams#enid sinclair#wednesday#princess au#hockey au#college au#i'm sorry i've been gone but i've been recovering from surgery#for anyone still reading these are for you#roughly 49824 words#what a rush#my fics#i fucking love you guys
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prank gone wrong (viral!) (steddie)
Eddie’s been someone’s dirty little secret before.
He’s got a type, okay? Unfortunately hot jocks are often the type of asshole to get sucked off behind the bleacher and then turn around and spit in his face about it. Going right back to their friends to talk shit about what a freak Eddie is, never mind the fact that his mouth still tastes like their nasty fucking jizz. He’s used to it by now. Used to people who pretend they barely know each other. He’s not asking they parade their relationship for the whole town to see, just someone who doesn’t pretend they’re strangers. Is that too much to ask?
He’s so fucking stupid. He really thought this time would be different.
Steve Harrington barreled into his life like a goddamn train and Eddie’s been derailed ever since.
The first time he met Steve he was six. Eddie still lived with his mom, and she took him to the park, where he met a little boy who wrinkled his nose and told him he smelled bad. Steve does not remember this, and turned red with mortification the first time Eddie told him
After that incredible hit to baby Eddie’s self-esteem, they didn’t interact much, existing on the periphery of each others lives. He figured it didn’t matter. Harrington was a year under him, and a douche besides. Was ready to leave town from the moment he learned to walk. As soon as he graduated, he could finally get the hell out of this place and never think about the assholes he went to school with again.
His mom leaves. His dad gets arrested. He moves in with his Uncle Wayne, who only has one bedroom in his trailer and won’t take no for an answer when he gives it to Eddie.
Eddie doesn’t graduate.
(Harrington comes back to school different after Byers beats him up. Eddie doesn’t notice. He’s got bigger things to worry about.)
They don’t talk in Eddie’s second run of senior year either. He hears the gossip, sees him come to school with stitches in his forehead and no girlfriend. Still, it’s none of his damn business. He rolls his eyes at the rumors and stays far away from Billy Hargrove.
Steve Harrington graduates. Eddie doesn’t.
And this is where his careful distance falls apart.
It’s the mall’s fault of course. What isn’t? Businesses closing down, rent going up, his resolve crumbling. All over some fucking ice cream. God, Eddie should have just turned around. Left the store and the mall and the entire damn town behind.
He’s aware he’s being melodramatic, but in his defense he’s queer in Indiana. He has a right to be.
Anyways, the point is that Eddie saw Harrington’s little blue shorts and red lips and cannot be held responsible for what happened after.
(They fucked. That’s what happened. They fucked, and kept fucking, and then after the mall burned down Steve showed up on his doorstep with suspiciously placed bruises and his coworker and looked at Eddie with pleading eyes. He didn’t even bring Robin home to her parents like a sensible person, just insisted on having her there because they were a package deal now and couldn’t be separated. Like puppies, Robin said when he looked at her. Last he checked, she wanted to bite Steve’s head off, and now they were attached at the hip?
He got used to it quickly. He had to. She comes on half their dates. Steve’s lucky he’s so cute.)
Now, nearly five months after Steve served him ice cream for the first time, he feels his heart shatter in the Hawkins High parking lot.
“Harrington,” Dustin shouts, and it carries across the empty lot. Steve’s head jerks up and he waves, Robin standing beside him. “Steve, c’mere!”
Steve tilts his head. “What?”
“Come. Here.” Dustin repeats, enunciating clearly. Mike and Lucas look at him like he’s insane. So do Gareth, Jeff, and Chuck.
Steve, who is standing a mere 20 feet away, turns to Robin and says something that makes her snort. Eddie can practically hear his bitchy murmur.
“Is that Harrington’s girlfriend?” He hears Gareth ask. He has to swallow his laughter.
“Yes,” Dustin says.
“No,” Mike corrects.
“He won’t admit anything, but he always has a bunch of hickies and stuff after hanging out with her,” Lucas clarifies, because half the time when Steve says he’s hanging out with Robin he's actually with Eddie. The fact that Robin is usually still there is irrelevant. Marking up his boyfriend is one of his favorite pastimes. He refuses to let his boyfriend’s “soulmate” get in the way just because she refuses to sleep in one of the Harrington’s fancy guest rooms like a normal person unless he kicks her out. The way they both pout at him for it is fucking ridiculous. He ends up giving in half the time, and then lies awake and cold on the very edge of the bed because Robin starfishes her way across the rest and Steve is a blanket hog.
The first time he tried giving Steve a hickey as some kind of dominance move for privacy, Robin stared him dead in the eye and didn’t back down.
“I can do that too,” she said, and promptly bit Steve on the shoulder. Steve, who was shirtless and already slightly dazed from Eddie’s ministrations, let out an honest to God squeak. Like a dog toy. Eddie and Robin both stared at him before breaking into loud cackles that had a blushing Steve yelling at them before finally burrowing under the covers and refusing to come out. Needless to say, Eddie didn’t get laid that night.
“Harring-ton,” Dustin whines.
“I’m literally right here. You come here.”
He did, if only to grab Steve by the wrist and drag him to where everyone else was standing. Steve squawks. “When we’re late for dinner with Ma, I’m telling her it was your fault—“
“I want you to meet everyone!”
“I went to school with them!”
“Yeah, but they think you’re still a dick,” he says, as if they’re not standing right there. Steve is similarly engrossed in their conversation, not even noticing that Dustin’s stopped walking.
“They can think whatever—“ he walks right into Eddie and lets out a startled oof. Eddie, who let it happen, catches him as he flails.
“Well hello to you too,” he says, not bothering to hide his amusement.
Steve looks at him with wide eyes, gaze dropping down to his lips before whirling around and snapping, “Henderson!”
“I didn’t do anything!”
“I didn’t do anything,” Lucas mimics under his breath, ducking behind Steve when Dustin turns around with the fury of a thousand suns in his eyes.
He just stands there, hands on his hips as the kids bicker around him.
“Oh, so now we can talk?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Steve asks, brow furrowed like he doesn’t know exactly what he’s talking about.
Eddie can’t help but laugh, a sharp sound that makes Steve jump. “What do you think it means, Harrington? You never want to talk to me in front of the kids! Don’t want to dirty your hands with the Freak in public, I guess.”
“I…what are you talking about?”
[no talkie henderosn]
“What?” His eyes get wide, panicked, as he reaches for Eddie. “Eddie, that’s not—you have to know that’s not what I meant by that. I never meant it like that!”
“Then how did you mean it?”
Steve mumbles something he can’t make out.
“Speak up, sweetheart.” It comes out mean, he knows it does, but he’s feeling a little mean right now. Lashing out like a wounded animal just because his boyfriend didn’t want to talk to him in public.
Actually, when he puts it that way, he remembers he’s justified.
Steve says something again, still incomprehensible. Eddie rolls his eyes. “If you can’t stop mumbling, I’ll just leave.”
That does the trick. “I thought we were playing a prank on Henderson together!”
Eddie gapes at him. “What?”
“I thought,” he repeats, running an anxious hand through his hair, “we were pretending not to know each other to mess with the kid. Eddie, baby, you’ve gotta know I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known you were hurting. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why didn’t I…” This can’t be real. He’s been agonizing for months, and for what? A prank? Just some stupid, shitty prank Steve thought he was in on? He’s going to jump off the quarry. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have had so much fun with that!”
“I thought you knew!”
“How would I have known? I can’t read your mind!”
“You can sometimes,” he says, pouting. Eddie wishes they weren’t in the middle of an argument, he wants to kiss those lips so bad.
He groans into his hands. “It’s significantly easier to tell when your boyfriend wants to fuck than it is to read ‘Hey, let’s play a prank on this twelve year old,’ on someone’s face, sweetheart.”
“I guess,” Steve huffs. Then his face softens. Eddie lets himself be drawn in by the wrist, helpless in the face of his sweet smile. “We can stop,” he promises, swaying in close enough for his breath to ghost across Eddie’s lips. “We could walk into Hellfire tomorrow holding hands, if you wanted to. Anything you want, just say the word.”
“How would we walk into Hellfire? It’s at your house.”
Steve pinches him for that.
#prank gone wrong (viral!) au#steve harrington#eddie munson#stranger things fanfic#steddie#i Did not end up writing the actual scene where Steve decides to prank Dustin by pretending to hate eddie#But just so you know he looks at Eddie and raises his eyebrows and in Eddie’s mind he’s asking how they should play this#in Steve’s mind he’s asking a series of convoluted questions that end ideally end with Dustin ripping his hair out in frustration#Steve I’m sorry but you need to use your WORDS your boyfriend things you HATE HIM#this goes from pre-s4 to post-s4 btw#Featuring stobin being weird as fuck friends bc I feel like they would Not Be Separated for the first couple of months after Starcourt#Eddie just has to deal with that#He’s also being dramatic they eased up eventually. enough for Robin to give them space to get their rocks off anyway
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Besties give me a diplomatic phrasing to communicate "if I leave for the evening and tell you roughly when I'll be back and text 20 minutes before I'm home on your request, please be done having screaming sex by the time I'm home"
#this is the third time i've walked in and like#ok to be fair i said before they got married that i wouldn't be uncomfortable if they're not uncomfy with me hearing#but i feel like that's a fair boundary to change#esp given. the screaming#i just need the words to say that a) minimize awkwardness#b) avoid the implication that i'm trying to curtail their sex life#i'm happy for them to have sex! that isn't audible from the front porch!!!#i guess the other part that feels weird is the whole point of spending nights away is so they can be comfortable having sex#without me around#which is a huge drain on my energy and sleep and time management and heck even gas budget#but if they're totally fine having sex when i'm out of the house for an hour as on book club night?#and if they wait til i'm on my way home after being gone for 4 hours?#why am i doing that??#i'm SORRY i'm talking so much about my roommates having sex#it's very present in my life#just be glad you follow me now and not 6 years ago when i lived with julie and she picked up trevis on tinder#and had him over across the hall from poor little fresh out of evangelical college me#(yes trevis. pronounced like crevice. or trellis.)
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Did you like the new ending :3 (fuck the old one)
I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!!!! It's the best logical way the dsmp could've ended AND because it's so open-ended, it leaves a lot of room for the fandom to build on, which isn't something you see a lot in media nowadays.
HOWEVER, it has been really bothering me these past few days since it was released, and I've had complex feelings about it that I haven't really been able to figure out until somewhat recently. Though, this is probably just me lol!
I'm gonna try to make this as short and legible as I can, but as you know I'm so very bad at that so sorry in advance.
Dsmp has been my main source of entertainment and an escape from just life in general since I first started getting into it—which was back in mid-2020 or so, but that was less of dsmp itself and more of the fandom. Though I still really enjoy the content creators content itself, I've watched them less and less and on the occasion that I see a clip or quote by them (especially Tommy) it's SO jarring how much they've changed and matured, and it's only a reminder of how I've done the same. That's the feeling I got when seeing the new lore. Everything has changed, people have matured, relationships have drifted apart, and we are living in the present.
It's like the feeling of finding an old toy that you distinctly remember loving so very much way back then and realizing you feel indifferent to it now. You've changed, your taste of things you enjoy changed, your relationships with people have changed, and you've grown.
I don't want to go back but I don't want to stop reminiscing, and this ending has made me realize that.
#this is very poorly explained and the point of just how much ive been focused on the past of dsmp and avoided the future isnt emphasized#as much as i want but i already stayed up for an hour staring at the ceiling trying to put my feelings into words before writing a HUUGGEEE#and messy paragraph into my notes app just a few nights ago so i think this is fine for now#i might come back and try to word it better but the feeling hasnt fully gone away yet so#also i just realized this may come off as a vent but ITS NOT!!! I SWEAR#its just like having a bucket of ice water dumped on my head suddenly#also that last line is so ctommy#am i a ctommy kinnie??#i mean it IS true that i didnt used to be this angry#but i think that just comes with becoming a teenager#so very sorry for the rant i just had to say it and your the perfect victim#<- cdream to ctommy:#dream smp#dsmp#tommyinnit#jack manifold#ctommy#ctommyinnit#cjack#cjack manifold#cbitterduo#cbitter duo#crazed raccoon chitters#my super cool moots !!
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because the only good reason to go to london on vacation is to visit the filming locations of the best movie ever made and be absolutely insufferable about it
#sorry for being gone for *checks notes* 5 months but life's been crazyy y'all#anyways ik these are not perfect (especially not the gay's the word one bc we didn't know that they didn't actually film at the real store)#but my gf and i had so much fun making them#we also visited the bookshop (of COURSE) and i bought a lesbian romance book set in lgsm which fkekfkejr and also a pits and perverts poster#and i had the nicest conversation about the movie with the man at the counter bc he asked me if i know the movie (sir if only you knew)#this was honestly the best vacation i've ever been on wahhh i wanna go backk#pride movie#pride#pride (2014)#lgbtq+#pride 2014#movie stills
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making a list of my favorite quote/ones that stuck with me from each season 1 episode because i feel like it
(i'm starting this after episode 4 but it will be a WHILE before i post it)
episode 1: "bones are a lie peddled by Big Milk" - alice
i love this one because it's a great introduction to alice i think. also it radiates spiral so i hope we get avatar alice not dead alice (isnt there a podcast called alice isnt dead?)
episode 2: "If I wanted to clear the canvas, I would have used turpentine." - statement
this one was just fucking powerful and caught me so off guard like 😶
episode 3: "What would I do without her?" - statement
the norris statement <3 it feels like martin asking what he would do without jon which makes mag200 a lot sadder and i love them
episode 4: "Perhaps you shall prove a stronger will than I, and will yet find it within yourself to destroy this hungry thing of wood and cat-gut." - statement
augustus sighting #1 and we immediately get jonah magnus expressing that it may be possible for gwen bouchard unknown family member to overcome the eye's hunger spooky violin
episode 5: "Voyeur needs to be seen to be believed." - statement
i feel like this one is pretty reflective of how the seasons gonna go? like if you explain the events of tma (mag200 specifically) no one's gonna believe you, it must be seen to be believed!! and also seen!! like the eye!!!
episode 6: "Not sca- This isn’t some poxy blood test, some little pinprick, this is hundreds, thousands of razor sharp points pushing into your flesh." - needles
i love needles so much and i thought this was really funny because it was like "you dont find me scary!! what the fuck!!!" just kind of toddler michael energy
episode 7: "It’s not like we’re wrestling with tape recorders and manila folders." - celia
STOP IT. celia you can't say that you just cannot!!!!!! you Know™ too much maam i cant with you
episode 8: "Pleasure to meet you both. I’m Gerry!"
RAGHHHHH OH MY GOD GERRY!!!! i love him so much and idk how to handle him being alive in the tmagp universe!! gertrude too but idk we got so much of her in tma and not nearly enough of gerry
episode 9: "And honestly, it’s kind of compelling by this point." - sam
they got him 😔😔 the horrors got sam 😔😔 also i found this to be an interesting contrast to jon's heavy resistance in season 1 like he was being compelled but he wasn't going to let anyone know that vs sam "its kinda compelling to trauma dump on this paperwork :]" how is he somehow even more victim material
episode 10: "Gosh you’re sexy, here’s a twenty for your trouble.” - alice
does this count as a quote if shes also quoting what she thinks sam should say? idk anyway i love her i would say that to her if given the chance and it was very silly. i will not be addressing bonzo i am scared.
episode 11: "...Thank you, Alice" - gwen
dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard dyhard. okay also, the way she CRUMBLED at the idea of anyone doing anything nice for her please someone give her a hug and let it be ME. this series is tossing me back and forth between sam & alice (what is their ship name) and dyhard but this put me back to dyhard
episode 12: "You know it's rude to have absolutely no game?" - alice
she's so fucking funny i need her to be okay so badly!!!! i don't think even tim made me laugh as much as she makes me chuckle and this one really got me. it's hard to write such a comedic character in a podcast since you only have the voice but they really nailed it i adore her
episode 13: "Is it my fault?" - gwen
each of these episodes just reveal a little bit more about how loving and soft gwen is and idk i love her so unbelievably much so seeing that she felt guilt about the bonzo stuff just made her so much more real :(
episode 14: "Christ, they’re in the walls…" - statement
theyre in the walls!!! theyre in the goddamn walls!!!!! anyway that got me because i realized the hole before the statement said it. made more sad than scared tbh
episode 15: "Babies are cool!" - alice this entire interaction between her and sam & celia was so awkward, she is so obvious and i love her anyway
episode 16: "It’s not like I was holding doors open for Mr Bonzo or anything." - gwen my wife is so so so stupid but i adore her AND this gives room for character development. i wish she did not do that though. i love when characters are flawed and have depth but i struggled to get past THIS flaw of hers
episode 17: "Thanks, I guess. Not exactly the same, though, is it?" - celia shes talking TO JON IN THE COMPUTER. SHE KNOWS. i lost my damn mind i love her i love her. get the gay people out of the puter please queen
episode 18: "Why would I need to talk to you? Your work is satisfactory. Unless you have a work-related issue I could assist you with?" - lena solidified my opinion that lena is the best boss to ever have, i adore her and i would want to work for her if she wasn't the boss of Creepy Establishment #1
episode 19: "You’re going to throw it in the fishtank, aren’t you?" - alice colin's behavior is like really worrying BUT i'm glad he's back. i was not convinced he was still alive
episode 20: "I suppose it’s too late for remorse, isn’t it? And why should I be sorry? This is what I deserve!" - ink5oul/statement they reminded me of jon a lot, like especially his season 3/4 transformation when he doesn't quite know everything but he knows he isn't who he was in season 1 anymore, i hope we see more of their life and they can be helped :(
episode 21: [Tape Recorder Bites Ink5oul] - audio description i know it's not technically a quote but this is just so fucking funny. why does it have teeth. what does this mean for the lore. holy shit.
episode 22: "Jonathan Sims and Martin Blackwood" - celia. knawing at the walls of my enclosure i am so not okay. i'm not okay. wtf. wtf. wtf. they're real. wtf.
episode 23: "I had a favorite mug. It said “love you, bitch” and had a picture of a drunk dog on it." - alice. okay i just love this entire interaction because gwen got to open up a little bit and my dyhard heart is so full
episode 24: "I am told that children like me, and I’ve always held the opinion that the world would be a better place if everyone just thought more." - basira. once again this whole interaction was so fun but like idk i loved hearing basira somewhat happy and in a safe place :] my wife <3
episode 25: " I am trying to help, to save us from this goddamned fucking nightmare machine!" - colin. MAN I REALLY WAS ROOTING FOR YOU!!! I WAS SO CONFIDENT YOU WEREN'T GONNA DIE!!!! it's over
episode 26: "I was worrying for a moment that you were Magnussing." - alice. MAGNUSSING BEING CANON MADE ME SAY IT EVEN MORE I'VE SAID IT LIKE TWICE ALREADY
episode 27: "You didn’t tell me the room was labelled, “Archivist.”" - celia. oooooh somebody's got TRAUMAAAAA LMAO
episode 28: "So you’re telling me you know nothing about an OIAR external contract being found with the bodies of two tattooed thugs who met rather grisly ends?" - TREVOR HERBERT???? anyway. ink5oul mention!!!!! i hope they stop killing people it's really rude
episode 29: "Alice, er… we’ve got to talk. It’s important." - teddy. i knew it was over for him but i didn't think it was gonna be THIS bad??? bye babe i guess??? 😭
episode 30: how do i even pick. the whole fucking episode. i can't. i am in a state of shock. i need to lay down for 30 years.
#honorable mentions:#“canaries should stay above ground” because holy shit (1)#“i don’t scare so easy these days” because oh my god its our celia (7)#“i like them”/“of course you do” because weeping weeping weeping (8)#“oh no not again! oh the horrors! nooooo” that one was just really funny and not exactly part of the episode (9)#“can he read?” (10) bc it enforces the gwen/jon parallels (“you dont sound?? russian??”)#“the deep will care for his bones” (11) it creeped me out and i loved it#“the cover had this awful comic sans title 'mr. bonzo's on his way'” (12) comic sans font was so funny it almost made it not horrific#“I have a baby. Jack. He’s just over a year old now.” (13) like BARNABAS. i know him.#“The only drama is the dilemma of how I could possibly get by without you all to myself!” (14) alice.... alice....#“Oh no! Who keeps taking Georgie’s face?!” (18) SHE'S BACKKKKKKK#''I swear if I hear one more word about Trevor-bloody-Herbert MP I am going to blow up Parliament.'' (27) because WHAT LMAO??? WHATTT#''when I first awoke I knew nothing nothing but the dream of things that sliced my who from me with claws like scalpels'' (30) i cried#''They’re gone Alice. They’re gone.'' (30) tweaking#''What happens now? You push me? Stab me? Or do I need to jump in myself? Come on what’s stopping you?'' (30)#can i just put the whole episode in honorable mentions too atp.#''We are the hilltop. It is me and I am it and we are. We are…'' (30)#''Yeah sure. Sorry to bother you. Goodbye Alice.'' (30)#okay i'm done#i can't i .. i ..#the magnus protocol#tmagp#magnus protocol#tmagp spoilers#tmagp season 1#the magnus pod
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im very normal about fuuta in general but i dont think im ever going to emotionally recover from his fire motif and what it represents for his character and how he reflects the greater theme of justice so that means i must rant about it
(more under the cut because this got longer than i expected whoopsies)
so anyway fire is pretty obviously supposed to be symbolic of his passion for justice right? that fire is all over the place in bring it on. he's wielding it to take down enemies, his signature weapon is a flaming sword. it's what he uses to lead the campaign against the people he's after, the people he's deemed in the wrong.
it's a fucking flaming sword, it's badass as hell!!!! it's what a hero of justice, a knight, would use!!!! it's cool as shit, it's his symbol of justice.
that's how he sees his justice in trial 1.
he's righteous, he wants so badly to believe he was a hero, he was doing it all for a good cause, for justice. his passion for justice was a tool he used to meet those ends, to be a hero, to wave it valiantly in the face of enemies.
the fire, however, is conspicuously absent once he's noticed the blood on his hands
interestingly, despite backdraft as a song title being much more related to his fire motif than bring it on, fire is actually surprisingly absent from the mv's visuals. fire, as in actual orange burning fire, doesn't show up much at all in backdraft except for when both fuuta and his victim begin turning to ashes, and a short bit near the end right after the last chorus when the spraycan explodes in fuuta's face. you know what the mv does show a lot of though?
smoke. and ash. the byproducts of a fire, the byproducts of fuuta's passion for justice.
bringing it back to firefighting for a moment: as many people have already pointed out, backdraft as a firefighting term refers to when a fire that has consumed all available oxygen suddenly explodes when more oxygen is made available, such as when a window or door breaks. the thing about fire hazards, though, is if the fire and the heat don't do someone in, usually it's the smoke. the smoke inhalation causes breathing difficulties and suffocation, making it even more difficult for a person to escape the fire.
in backdraft, instead of fire itself, what we're shown is these byproducts of a fire. the smoke is damaging to human health, and the ash shows that the fire has burned things up and caused destruction, in this case killing someone. all we're shown is the negative results of a fire, in sharp contrast to its badass, positive portrayal in bring it on.
hell, even fuuta himself starts turning to ashes and the spraycan explodes in his face, showing how even he is experiencing the negative results of a fire that has gotten out of his control, how even he has gotten burned by his passion for justice. or, is it es' desire for justice?
translation of fuuta's t2 vd by onigiriico
Me, too! I was like that, too! I also didn't think it'd turn out that way!
You and I are exactly the same breed! The only difference between us is the clothes we're wearing.
fuuta's justice and es' justice, it's all the same in his head now, he directly tells es that they're the same, that we're the same. it's all the same hunger for justice that ends up causing harm even if that wasn't the intention.
you know that saying that fire is a good servant but a bad master? i think that's pretty applicable to fuuta's situation. his passion for the pursuit of justice was great when it was still a tool, a sword he could wield, after all he did manage to shed light on some people's wrongs and bring them to justice. but once it exploded, when it became a backdraft that even he could no longer control, it did more damage than he intended.
it burned even him, it killed a middle schooler. and he recognizes that in backdraft. he only shows us the ways fire that becomes a hazard can go wrong.
translation of fuuta's t2 vd by onigiriico
What did I do? All I did was say that what's wrong is wrong! I was just going off at a bad person online!
I didn't think they would die! I just thought that wrong things are wrong, and that a crime is a crime! You get that, don't you? See? Aren't we the same?
it's just. fire is such a good metaphor for the message of fuuta's character and his arc. it's an amazing illustration of how dangerous it is when you feed a desire for justice too much, when you forget to put a boundary on how you handle that fire. eventually the fire spreads just like how passion for justice becomes zealotry, until more and more things fall under what you consider to be 'punishable' by your standards and goes out of control to hurt people that probably didn't deserve it. it's a warning to set proper boundaries on our own definition and desire for justice and what's 'right' so the good intentions doesn't spiral into harm. it's a reflection of our attitudes towards milgram as the audience responsible for their justice and forgiveness. it's amazing i love it i love fuuta's fire symbolism i love fuuta's character arc and i love milgram's writing so so so much
#milgram#fuuta kajiyama#im sure someone has already gone through every point in this post before but i was having fuuta thoughts and they needed to go somewhere#this might be super disorganized this is essentially the first draft and i kinda just word vomited lol#anyways i love milgram i love picking it apart for its themes#tangentially i might do another whole thing comparing fuuta to kotoko but hm not sure if i can add much to that discussion#maybe after deep cover comes out#i actually really like kotoko for similar reasons to fuuta actually she's an interesting case study of a desire for justice that corrupts#anyways sorry this wasnt that deep an analysis or anything i mean i didnt even pull up images it's a glorified rant more than anything lol#hm might edit this post to add images tomorrow ill see if i remember
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today's mood
#horrortale papyrus#i wrote a long post but you know. maybe i should try that thing#where you don't vomit words and feelings all over the place#that's what everybody else does#but i love being me and i like throwing tantrums in the open. why hide it#look at me I'm sad. except i always feel better after writing it out#hi. sorry i said I'd be gone and then i came back. it will happen again.#still haven't decided about August though. i an getting conflicting advice about internet situation.#this wasn't today's mood but actually a different day's mood. just clarifying
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