#sorry i have so many thoughts about her and carmilla and God she is so silly haha < gonna shoot myself

[lavenite]

i love making stories bc half the time im not making anything. im just thinking about my stuff as if someone else did it and then i get to analyze and discover new connections to add into the original story as if that was my plan all along

[thesupernaturalhouse]

This started out as a funny snipper. How tf did it turn into a fanfic?? Also this took me so long anyways, pt3 of the accidental overlord vaggie fic

Alastor: shoves Vaggie between him and Rosie and drops Frank onto her lap

Vaggie: trying to process how tf a giant dragon got through an elevator among many other things

Carmilla: thank you for coming today. I've gathered you all here to talk about the millions of souls-

Vaggie squeaks so quiet no one hears her: I'm sorry fucking how many??....How- How do you check that?? Gets ignored

She's just squeezing poor frank like a stress toy

Carmilla ignores her: You own. And how their at risk with the new extermination schedule. And how we minimize the damage going to be caused by it.

Finally looking aorund the room

Carmilla: Zestial, so god to see you- ....Alastor?? And- eyes narrow the protective overlord

Alastor, leaning over to block vaggie form view because he's petty as fuck: hello! Yes yes, I know, I've been absent for a longgg time and I'm sure youre all DYING to knwo where I've been~

Carmilla:...no. not really, shrugs but welcome back anyways I suppose....I am interested about who you've brought though....

Vaggie: just staring out into space, regretting her life choices and trying to count how many people owe her 'favors'

Carmilla slgihtly concerned/unnerved: In any case, this year's extermination was brutadal. A good 16% of the population was killed off. With them coming back in only 6 months I think it prudent that we-

Velvette: just fucking kicks the door open Yeah, I've got it handled Vox? Are you doubting me? ME might I remind you? Yeah, no. That's what I thought. Yes, yes, I know, thank you V, see you later Okay, bye, kisses darling!

Carmilla: nice of you to finally join us, Velvette. Will you.....colleges? be joining us?

Velvette: What? No way. They have better shit to do than to listen to some old windbag who think she's tough shit! Haha, no. Immm here to represent!

Carmilla:...charming. now, back to what I was saying, we need to-

Velvette: waves her arm frantically

Camilla feeling like a preschool teacher: yes??

Velvette: well, on the topic of discussssss throws exorcists head down let's discuss

Alastor: oooo tasty!!

Vaggie: ohhhhh my god....whispering to herself is that Tuff?? Wtf- how??

Carmilla:......where...did you get this?

Velvette: doesn't matter. We found it, though. And if these angle fuckers can be killed, then the game of cat and mouse has changed, the boys and I have-

Vaggies distressed squeaking as Velvette continues, Zestial jsut slumps his tea

Velvette:....the fuck is wrong with you two?? Looks at vaggie leans downs to get closer....also you're new

Vaggie: uhhhhh......thank?? You??

Velvette: narrows eyes before her head snaps ti zestial

Zestial: we shouldn't go to war with such meger proof.

Velvette:...meger- MEGER PROOF!? ITS a dead fucking Exorcist!!! What more do you WANT!? A video of it being killed?? No- this is definitive proof- if you can't see that, maybe you're going blind old man.

Zestial: it may be dead but how? It could be by a demon, but mayhaps it died due to unrelated reasons

Vaggie: Well, angles have hurt their own kind. Wouldn't be suprised if killing was another option for them

Everyone's heads snap to her

Vaggie:.....did....I say that out loud?

Carmillas narrows her eyes: how do you know that.

Vaggie: I um...I....I saw it happening?

Velvette:....wait aren't you the princesses whore? What are you doing out if your bird cage hm?

Vaggie: I....what??

Carmilla shaking her head: we're getting off topic.

Zestial: Carmilla is right. If we rush to war the angles would purge all of the sinners for daring to even TRY an uprising

Overlords: muttering

Alastor: why don't we put it to a vote?

Vaggie: depends is one of the options 'can we all just go home pelase?'

Alastor: hmmm no!

Vaggie grumbling: I hate you.

Velvette narrows eyes: ohhh okay I see. Grandpa's to scared to make a move! So then there's no point in it huh?

*the respect less song which I am not writing*

Zeezi: pft, what the hell? we literally JUST got here!

odette:....mom??

Carmille:....meeting dismissed.

Vaggie: uh, does this mean we can go home?- gets glared at .....okay sits back down like a scolded kid as she thinks about wtf jsut happened

Vaggie to herself in a defeated tone:.....she never told me how to see how many souls I own.....how many people owe me favors?

Proceeds to try and calculate and count on her fingers and Alastor watches in amusement, after sending off frank, and Rosie watches slightly concerned as to wtf her friend did to this teenage child....and maybe also finding it a bit funny

Part 2 | Part 3(here!) | Part 4

[peachi-blossom]

My thoughts on Hazbin Hotel as a non HH fan

Originally, I was just here to watch people criticizing Hazbin Hotel. But when the recent controversies came in, I feel like I have to step into the fandom rabbit hole.

As a non Hazbin Hotel fan, I've watched the pilot, read the prequel comics, watched the ADDICT music video, and finally the show itself. (I've watched the show on March 15th.)

NOTE: I didn't watch the show on TV so I watched it on a pirated website instead and read the transcript because no way am I watching this in front of my parents, my siblings, or Grandma. This is my personal opinion on the show.

Pilot: So Hell is basically Earth except it's painted red and inhabited by demons. The background has too much red, but not as bad that it makes my eyes bleed. I don't like how the female characters have the same color scheme except Vaggie and Niffty (pilot only). For example, Charlie, Katie Killjoy, and Cherri Bomb. The only two funny parts of the pilot is when the top hat demon says "Wow! That was s***!" after Charlie sings Inside of Every Demon is a Rainbow and when Angel pokes his head in as Vaggie is giving Alastor a warning. I didn't like the daddy joke. It just sounded bad. Also, why is there a joke about harlequin babies?

Prequel comics that are no longer canon: Basically the prequel comics focuses on Angel Dust and Alastor.

For Dirty Healings, it shows how Angel Dust first met Charlie and Vaggie. I knew that Vaggie's name was named after a uh, you know. Ugh… Why did Vivienne Medrano had to name her that? Also I hate Valentino.

As for A Day In The After Life, it just shows why Alastor is the most feared demon in Hell. Also he swears after seeing Vox.

ADDICT music video: I genuinely have no thoughts on this music video. I think this was just bait for the SA and CSA victims. Sorry for those who like the MV.

Episode 1: This is worse than the pilot. I did NOT like the beginning part. It's biblically inaccurate for multiple reasons, but I feel like a few people only talk about this one thing. Sin didn't exist until Adam and Eve ate the fruit of knowledge of good and evil. Not only that, but it's also misogynistic too because it was just Eve who ate it. What makes it misogynistic is that it implies that all women would have to bear the sins of Eve ALONE. There's rampant swearing and sex jokes. Also, isn't Archangel Michael supposed to be the leader of the Army of God? Anyways I'm siding with the angels.

Episode 2: The red is so bright that it hurts my eyes. It doesn't help the fact that Alastor blends in the background. Oh yeah, when Vox tells Sir Pentious to kill himself, it made me feel sad because it reminded me of the Shay incident. The time when the stans drove Shay to kill themself because they were uncomfortable with the large age gap of HuskerDust.

Episode 3: Why? Why is there a BDSM sex dungeon?! I know that was Angel's idea, but still. Why?! I seriously have no words. When Zestial says "What troubles thou?" I was like "Huh?". It should be "What troubles thee?". I think his Old English has grammatical errors. The Egg Boiz, Carmilla, and Zestial are bearable because they never said a swear word. Off topic, but Velvette's swirl streaks on her hair makes me think of a swirl ice cream.

Episode 4: Before the show came out, I saw SlayQueenArt's post on Twitter (X) that says Vivienne Medrano hired Raphielle II, aka R2ninjaturtle, who has a rape fetish and isn't a SA victim. As someone who is formerly addicted to porn, this episode is insulting on so many levels. I didn't watch the whole Poison sequence because of that. And don't get me started on Loser Baby. I hate this song so much. It felt like it is blaming on SA and CSA victims for being SA'd. Like it is blaming me for being addicted to porn on and off when I was EIGHT. I know there are some victims who like episode 4 so I will leave them alone. I seriously hate how Charlie behaves like a toddler at the end. No grown adult should behave like a toddler like she did because being raped isn't a silly thing to cry over. Like, hello? She is the supposed to be the main character. Oh yeah, there was NO warning for the episode when the show premiered and it triggered the victims who watched it. SA and CSA victims are not losers. Former porn addicts are not losers. Nobody is a loser. I am NOT a loser.

Episode 5: Wow, Vivienne Medrano really turned Lucifer into King George from Veggietales. I guess this is what happens when King George gave in into his obsession with rubber ducks. I didn't like Hell's Greatest Dad because of the unnecessary rivalry between Lucifer and Alastor, but at least Mimzy ended the song. Oh boy, this is where I hate Alastor now. No really, he is Vivienne Medrano's first edgelord oc. He has gone full edgelord and is basically a Bill Cipher wannabe now. His full demon form is not even scary compared to Bill's final form. He no longer stands out from the main cast even if he rarely swears. Mimzy is basically the embodiment of the hooked nose stereotype. Wow, the embodiment of a Jew stereotype. How racist.

Episode 6: That was an absolute slap in the face at SA and CSA victims and me when Sir Pentious got SA'd! Seriously, Vivienne Medrano doesn't even care for the victims at this point! What's worse is that he is based off of her old ex-friend, DollCreep. Why did she whitewashed St. Peter?! I know there are white Jews, but he was born in ancient Israel so I wouldn't think he'll be looking like a white man with blonde hair and blue eyes. How come angels don't know how souls get to Heaven?! We got the Ten Commandments! We got Jesus Christ who took our place to die for our sins so we wouldn't have to bear these sins! Emily and Sera are bearable because you know. I hate how Niffty is being treated like a child when she's NOT. What's worse is that Niffty is supposed to be Japanese because of how people INFANTILIZED Asian people, especially women.

Episode 7: My issue with Out for Love is that when Carmilla tells Vaggie that she should fight for love and not for vengeance. Well, Vaggie always fight for love and never for vengeance. In Whatever it Takes, she literally says that she'll always protect Charlie. Where is the vengeance in that? That is poor character writing. Rosie is basically the blood libel stereotype where the Jews are cannibals. Again, that's just racist against Jews.

Episode 8: I thought the finale was pointless because there were no stakes and Sir Pentious' heroic sacrifice was comically anti-climatic. Like, why did Sir Pentious's so called friends cared about him when they didn't help him at ALL in episode 6?! I'm not a fan of the CherriSnake ship because Cherri only becomes interested in him because he has two "joysticks". Not to mention he kissed her without consent and she thinks it's hot after that. The problem with More Than Anything (Reprise) is that Vaggie reassures Charlie that she changed many lives, but she only changed one. I'm so glad Adam defeated Alastor first. There is absolutely no way Lucifer slept with Eve. Oof for Lute and Adam. You both fought well until the end.

The character designs are awful. Every male character basically looks like The Once-ler from The Lorax 2012 movie except for Adam (I know Alastor doesn't have a top hat, but still gives off the vibes. Zestial is more Burtonesque.). Not to mention they are all skinny twigs except for Adam (I think). The female characters in Hell have the same color scheme except Vaggie (again). For example, Charlie, Katie Killjoy, Mimzy (though her dress is a little darker), Cherri Bomb, and Niffty (show only). They have too much pinks, reds, yellows, whites, and blacks. I love pink, but this is too much. What's worse is that they blend in the background and again it hurts my eyes. There is NO color variety and I feel like my eyes are burning.

That's my thoughts on the show.

[carmillatism]

you’ve already sort of shown the relationship brian has with religion, but i’m curious about your take on how he felt about galahad considering the whole “preacher” vibe. if we’re moving forwards with the complicated (and negative) relationship he has with religion then how does that translate to how he interacted with galahad? or was is more of a “large passing of time” thing so it wasnt as impactful?

sorry just have DBB thoughts again,,,

oh!!! i love that question a lot! thank u for asking. i was actually just thinking about this, what with my backstory fic about brian. i have many thoughts on this, so i'll set some of my basic thoughts up first and then answer the question once the context is set!

i think hnoc happens by the time carmilla is airlocked (after that second-ish but canon big one where who killed dr. carmilla comes from (i say second cause of a line jonny says in the homesick live, but that's not important here)) and tim, raph, and marius have joined. not entirely sure if this is after or before dr. carmilla comes back (what with her showing up in dr. pilchard with all nine of them), but i lean towards after (which i think this would be after she's kicked out again).

i say all this to explain the fact that i think brian has done a shit ton of healing from when he first joined, so he's definitely a lot better with not judging himself, healing from religious trauma, and working on being more assertive.

i also believe that brian doesn't actually have prophetic powers, at least not to the extent that characters like to bring up. i think he just has good pattern recognition and predicts things well (this leads into ideas of how people will blow up (lie about) people's fame in history and present time as a way of meeting their own ends. basically, i think brian has no part in these rumors, and people just spread it cause he can never escape the false accusations (i autism-code him no matter what apparently /lh)).

this all to say that brian probably found fort galfridian interesting and went down to check it out (it kind of reminded him of the settlement he stayed on in his backstory. his feelings are complicated about it). he goes down there, kind of chilling in the chaos, and then he comes across galahad and i think his first reaction when he sees galahad is "holy shit holy fuck holy-" and he just kind of spirals. cause yeah, he's doing better, but he also does remind him of one of his worst moments, so he may lose it a bit.

this could have maybe led to him being hung in the first place? he could have tried to question galahad's teachings because he worried galahad was using and lying to fort galfridian's people like the priest once did. this obviously causes unrest due to people liking galahad and not the outsider, so he's hung (this is just speculation i've sort of come up with on the spot!). when brian doesn't die from the hanging and continues to not die, the people are like "what the fuck". brian's pissed, and when he's pissed he says some ominous shit (but there is a place deep within him that does want to help the people), so they think he's a prophet and hang him by his ankle.

brian, who's like "well, this is interesting" sticks around cause it's wild, he's invested, and the mechs are a million light years away. he still doesn't trust galahad, however, galahad starts to talk with him, really about anything, a lot cause he finds brian interesting and because he feels bad for trying to kill this guy who was actually a prophet (probably thinks he's sent from god).

as he talks to brian, brian starts to have a change in judgment. he doesn't trust him all that much still, but he begins to realize that he didn't lead with an open mind and that maybe it would be okay to hear him out. he sees that galahad cares deeply about what he does and fully believes what he says to be true. brian is still weary on religion (especially organized ones) as a whole, but he does start to believe that what galahad is doing is better than he first thought. he finds company in galahad and other townspeople and really starts to care about them (and he's had a fucking headache for like a century now. wonderful).

and then the events of the album start to happen. when you're a hanged man in the center of town (idk if that's canon but it is now /lh), you hear a lot of shit: gossip, folklore, daily occurences. brian starts to catalog and connect this info he gathers (he's bored and a scientist; what more could he want?). a bigger picture starts to dawn on him, so he shares the info with the people who come to him (and who he seeks out). he wants to help galahad and tells him about the grail. he hopes that galahad will take the news well, but his reaction worries him, and he begins to regret what he said.

he hears later on about what galahad is doing and what he's saying, and he grows even more worried, seeing parallels between his past and the beliefs galahad begins to hold. brian thinks he's in too deep and tries to stop him, but that doesn't work out. he feels extremely guilty when he hears about galahad's death, and spirals a bit into blaming himself and having thoughts about his past that aren't the best. then he's in a sun for a century, and a good amount of his healing goes out the window. (but at least those lines of healing are still carved into his mind so it will be easier to find those routes and get himself back to healthy a lot faster than it did before (using a metaphor here that i heard and like with how it can be easier to heal once more if those paths of healing are there, fresh, and easy to reach. i was actually told about the opposite, which is why it's so easy to fall back into anxiety or other cycles of negative thinking)).

anyway... i am not one for brevity, apparently (no one is surprised). haven't thought this much about any of the albums before lmao (i usually focus on the mechs themselves abdknkd). but this is quite a fun concept to think about. i also like the idea that galahad is absolutely smitten with brian. it's just really fucking funny to me lmao. i also like to think that brian is just along for the ride whenever it comes ot galahad like, okay, you go you crazy guy.

also, sorry for any discrepancies between this and hnoc canon, i have not faithfully inscribed the entire album and it's info into my mind with long-lasting ink /lh.

thank you for the question, and don't worry! i love your questions and adore that you find my thoughts and writing so interesting and cool! it means the world to me. anyway, thank you again!

[goodnightmemes]

CARMILLA SEASON ONE SENTENCE STARTERS (PART ONE)

Lines taken from episodes s01e01 - s01e19 of the web series Carmilla. Feel free to change as needed. Part two is here.

❛ Nothing, not even the homecoming goat sacrifice, disturbs the pursuit of knowledge. ❜

❛ I passed the test! 62%. Which is pretty cool. It’s like a gentlewoman’s C. ❜

❛ This is our college adventure, come on! ❜

❛ And how is the Jäger-bombinatrix doing this morning? ❜

❛ And really, why does anybody do anything? ❜

❛ I found it next to a pile of ick that started growing mushrooms the next day. ❜

❛ Don’t judge. My dad thought I’d use an iPhone to send high-resolution selfies to potential stalkers. ❜

❛ If an incident is in progress, please dial 4815 or activate the nearest blue tentacle phone. ❜

❛ To report an escaped entity or poltergeist activity, please press - ❜

❛ Fine. I’ve got three weeks of a journalism class and I’ve seen all of Veronica Mars. I’ll find her myself. ❜

❛ I don’t know, things just got so foggy after the alchemy guys released, you know, the fog. ❜

❛ I’m your new roommate, sweetheart. ❜

❛ Oh, this is not happening. You are not my new roommate! ❜

❛ Boom! Revenge is mine. ❜

❛ See? Blood.In the milk container. ❜

❛ This is like, a death threat, or a health code violation. ❜

❛ Well, there’s no denying it’s a little…odd. ❜

❛ How many people you know take Type O with their Chocoa Crunch? ❜

❛ Are you really gonna try and pretend this isn’t a total freak show? ❜

❛ Oh, see, surviving. Yes, I like that plan. ❜

❛ A lot of problems can be solved through good communication. ❜

❛ A lot of problems can also be solved by taking hair and blood samples to figure out exactly what kind of freaky it is you’re dealing with. ❜

❛ You filled a milk container with blood as a prank? ❜

❛ It was food coloring, and…and corn syrup. ❜

❛ That bunched-up little face you make when you’re angry is hilarious, buttercup. ❜

❛ I kept on having the same dream before. ❜

❛ And the darkness is in my eyes and in my throat and I can’t breathe, and … ❜

❛ I-I’m sorry, I can’t be here anymore. ❜

❛ I really hope that it passes over you and I hope it doesn’t touch your face. ❜

❛ Are you really so damaged that you’re incapable of caring about anything? ❜

❛ You’re a child. And you understand nothing. Not about life. Not about this place. ❜

❛ You know what? The sooner you stop playing Lois Lane, the better off you’ll be. ❜

❛ No, I’m not just gonna give up. ❜

❛ So, maybe that’s just how it is, but that does not mean that I have to accept it. I deserve better. [ name ] deserves better. Hell, even you deserve better. ❜

❛ It’s a town hall meeting! Remember your training, we’ve got five minutes! Run, run! ❜

❛ Sometimes a girl’s gotta manufacture her own excitement, you know? ❜

❛ We should be reinstating our night marches. ❜

❛ And then the Zetas piped in with this chant that pretty much sounded like “pizza or death”. ❜

❛ I think we’d make a pretty great team. ❜

❛ Yeah, a team. You and me, absolutely. ❜

❛ Hey, is that fish in your hair? ❜

❛ It is very, very nice of you large, large gentlemen to offer to keep me safe, but as you can see, I’m in my room. Snug as a bug in a rug. So, you’re good to go. ❜

❛ If I decide to go wandering down some dark alleyways late at night, you guys’ll be my first call. ❜

❛ Get the hell out of here before I feed you each other’s spleens. ❜

❛ Dude, she bit me! That is so not cool. ❜

❛ Guess that’s it for the truce, then. ❜

❛ We have been working nonstop and, not that we’re geniuses or anything, but I think we’re really close to a breakthrough. ❜

❛ I think my brain has melted. ❜

❛ Chocolate is comforting in the face of epic failure. ❜

❛ And what kind of thrilling adventure do we find ourselves on now? ❜

❛ This is so childish. You’d think we were still six. ❜

❛ Schadenfreude isn’t very attractive. ❜

❛ But I so had it coming, didn’t I? ❜

❛ God, this age doesn’t understand obligation. It’s like an undersea anchor; impossible to escape. ❜

❛ They’re the ones using dander collected at parties to seed an immense interconnected fungus throughout campus. ❜

❛ Apparently, it’s a communications experiment. Or, maybe a really complicated risotto recipe? I don’t know. ❜

❛ Sorry, I just forgot that I have to be anywhere but here. ❜

❛ Oh, no. You are entirely too sweet ❜

❛ But you’ve got to admit it looks pretty hinky. ❜

❛ Confronting her has historically been about as effective as using bug spray on Voldemort. ❜

❛ Oh, wow. That’s…why are you wearing warpaint? ❜

❛ Come on! Why are the hotties in this room always trying to hurt me?! ❜

❛ That is unfair, okay, cause I’m here out of the, like, bro-ness of my heart, alright? ❜

❛ So, has it even occurred to you that while you’re duking it out, nobody is actually out there protecting anybody at all?! ❜

❛ Ah, it’s mostly just paintballs and anchovies. I’ll talk them down. ❜

❛ It just seemed so real…like…that weird moment of clarity during magic hour or the moment right before a car crash. ❜

❛ I was in my room and there was something in my bed. Something under my bed. This dark, prowling thing without a face. ❜

❛ I tried to pull the blankets over my face to hide, but the darkness started seeping through them like blood, more and more, until I was drowning in it. ❜

❛ Well, dreams are supposed to be strange. Last night I dreamt I was trapped under a bed. ❜

❛ But, just a dream. No reason for all of this…twitchiness. ❜

❛ There is no twitching. There is an absence of twitching. ❜

❛ You know, if it’s really making you so miserable, I could get you something to help you sleep. ❜

❛ That’s uncharacteristically considerate of you. ❜

❛ Yeah, well, I just don’t want you losing it and torching all my stuff. ❜

❛ The results are starting to look profoundly WTF. ❜

❛ I know Silas has some quirks, but I’m pretty sure spontaneous combustion, super strength, and an all-protein diet weren’t options on my roommate form. ❜

❛ Your Snape/Ron fic’s still on the screen, spaz. ❜

❛ It’s a charm or whatever. To help with the bad dreams. ❜

❛ So, in the spirit of all this newfound closeness, maybe you could tell me where you go all night? ❜

❛ Mmm, well, I have to keep some of my secrets. Otherwise, I’ll lose my air of mystery, won’t I? ❜

❛ Oh, you know, I miss my dad, I have papers due. I’m about to be my roommate’s next victim. ❜

❛ Come on. Let’s get you changed into something with a little less whiff. ❜

❛ Everything in your fridge is made of glucose and palm oil. I’m surprised you don’t have scurvy. ❜

❛ As soon as we got there, everyone was leaving the building, and yes, as the sun went down, we started to hear something…skittering. ❜

❛ Before you realized the staircase wasn’t in the same place anymore? ❜

❛ Before we realized we might have gotten a little turned around. And that most of the computer monitors we could see were warning us to “Run. Run now”. And the skittering was getting closer. ❜

❛ We created a flamethrower using a lighter and some mace. ❜

❛ I get a text that says “Come quick. Stuck in Library. Bring fire extinguisher” ❜

❛ Okay, yes! It was stupid, and we’re lucky that you didn’t have to save our souls. ❜

❛ Well, yeah, but we know she’s a vampire. I mean, we’ve known that since the blood in the milk container, right? ❜

❛ You all knew I was living with a vampire and nobody said anything? ❜

❛ She’s not a vampire. There’s no such thing as vampires. She’s a…light-averse octogenarian with extreme hemoglobin deficiency and really good skin. ❜

❛ My roommate is an honest-to-Lestat vampire. How do we stop a vampire? ❜

❛ No! No! We can’t immolate everyone that [ name ] thinks is a supernatural creature. ❜

❛ Well, I have an idea but you are not gonna like it. ❜

❛ Okay, explain to me again how offering yourself as bait to your blood-sucking roommate is not the worst plan ever devised by womankind. ❜

❛ Well, the fact that a terrible plan is our only plan is not really a selling point. ❜

❛ You guys know that I can hear you, right? Maybe instead of peanut gallery-ing you can help me figure out how we trap a vampire? ❜

❛ How do we feel about bear spray? ❜

❛ What would Mina Harker do? …Get bitten. Mina Harker would totally try and act all alluring to the bloodsucking fiend and totally get bitten. Let’s not do that. ❜

❛ Looking at the stars. It’s comforting, to think how small we are in comparison. All the lives we’ve led, the people we’ve been, nothing to that light. ❜

❛ “Black as the pit and terrible as the night was Bagheera”? I always loved that. It’s beautiful. ❜

❛ Behold: Vampire bait! ❜

❛ Don’t you look like a virgin sacrifice? ❜

❛ Parties should be a shimmering moment of possibility, not a collection of brutes around a piece of flaming driftwood. ❜

❛ Feels like more than that. Like something seen underwater from a great distance. ❜

❛ God, I’m a nostalgic idiot tonight. ❜

❛ Maybe I don’t feel like sharing you right now. ❜

❛ God, what am I doing? Naive, provincial girl. Entirely too tightly wound. Such a cliché. I oughta know better. ❜

❛ I oughta know better. And yet…there’s something about you. ❜

❛ Also, I got my head smashed into a table, if anyone cares. ❜

❛ There is not allowed to be some new horrible thing! ❜

❛ You know, at times like these a dude needs to be with his bros. ❜

❛ Well, don’t look at me. I didn’t want to kidnap anyone to begin with! ❜

❛ Definitely not untying angry vampire. ❜

❛ You can’t just keep a hostage in your dorm room! ❜

❛ I”m sure there’s all sorts of things we could figure out through some minimally-invasive probing. ❜

❛ It’ll seem dire once they start your tribunal. ❜

❛ So the sooner you ‘fess us and tell us what’s going on, the better this is gonna go for you because we have got…a spatula, and a stapler, and we are not afraid to use them. ❜

❛ You cannot seriously think we’re dumb enough to believe you’re innocent just because you say so. ❜

❛ Look, if I were really a vampire, would I just stay here, tied up, proclaiming my innocence as some sort of trick? ❜

❛ Yeah. That’s completely exactly what a vampire would do. ❜

❛ Do I strike you as the type of person who plays well with others? ❜

❛ Uh, we’re rehearsing a skit. Uh, yeah, the torture scene from Arsenic and Old Lace. Mmm-hmm, yeah, there’s a torture scene. ❜

❛ I hear they have a great collection of straight-jackets and tranquilizers. ❜

❛ I swear, if one more of your broken-hearted study buddies comes knocking at the door, I’m gonna start spritzing them like cats. ❜

❛ No, no, no! Please don’t die, please don’t die, you stupid vampire! Here, look, I’ve got blood. ❜

❛ The experience of being held captive by a clutch of imbeciles for something I didn’t even have the pleasure of doing is humiliating enough without having you wipe me up like a dribbling child. ❜

❛ Wait, you thought that was me trying to eat you? ❜

❛ Oh…Oh! So, when you were hitting on me, you were really hitting on me? ❜

❛ Could you just stake me now? Cause I think that would be less mortifying than this conversation. ❜

❛ If you want us to trust you, you have gotta tell us your side of the story. ❜

[sassyshin]

Okay about the 8th reinforcement in the anni. i’m sorry if I get any card wrong though  sometimes I do mix those

-

4* Saber. God I really hope its Gawain. There are pretty good chances of being him considering he’s gonna be an event servant. If they do a rank up quest for him because of the event later I wont mind tho but I’m not counting with that so I really hope its Gawain. This man deserves it at this point

3* Lancer: God theres so many possibilities here to me. Like I dont think any AOE 3* Laner is doing very hot atm. I would really like Taiga to get something this time though. She’s still got a 10t skill cooldown that isnt really worth it. I wouldnt mind another buff for Diarmuid tho

And here’s probably one that might be even controversial but Hozouin because his skills do very very little to him. I think he could use some help

-

5* Lancer: Karna. Yeah this is me being bias. Give it to my boy. Thats all

3* Archer: Oh please buff Billy. Like if its William Tell its fine to me because I feel theres so little reason to use him over Robin but Billy is so... Outdated. He doesnt even have an atk up or np up for fuck sake

-

5* Berserker: Xiang Yu. Like straight up. He’s not even bad but out of all the 5* Zerks he’s the one that could use something more the most

2* Caster: WAIT. IS THIS SHAKESPEARE??????

FINALLY?????????????????????????

SHAKESPEARE BUFF INCOMING?

THE ONLY OTHER 2* CASTER IS CHEN GONG AND I DONT THINK THEY’RE GONNA BUFF THAT

OH MY GOD

-

5* Lancer. Lartoria. Thats all again lmao. I know I said the same to Karna but yeah. I want both of them buffed. Her last buff was so meh

4* Assassin:  May i have another Yan Qing buff pls, mistah shroom? :3

Uhhh i’d like Carmilla to get a buff. All the Lizzies got one so why was he left aside. I know she’s not bad but yeah

Kerry too though. If this buff is for Kerry I’m gonna be happy

-

5* Caster: God... Is this a Tam or Merlin buff............ Please tell me its not. I mean if its a Tam buff its whatever... But godd they might be going for Merlin here

Oh my godd

In a good timeline it would be Anastasia... But is this a good timeline?

We will see

4* Lancer: I have no idea. Would they be blasphemous enough to Buff Summer Kiyohime before the berserk one? Idk. Qiang Lyu could still something more tho i guess

-

5* Foreigner. This is gonna be Summer Abby wont it. Like people already thought it would be her last time. Whatever bruh

3* Rider. Hopefully it is Red Hare. I feel like he’s the one that needs it the most. However I wouldnt complain if it was Rick because its not like he was ever buffed

-

5* Archer: This probably should be Artemis tbh. However just like Rick if they wanted to give a np upgrade to Moriarty I would be like “sure why not”

4* Saber: Saber Alter. I want both Gawain and Saber Alter to get something

[marzipanandminutiae]

Crimson Peak or Carmilla for the fandom ask.

How about I alternate?

send me a fandom and i’ll tell you…

the first character i ever fell in love with (Carmilla):

Carmilla. Sorry, my heart belongs to the vampire, always. I've loved her from the first time I read the novella on Project Gutenberg, and Natasha Negovanlis' interpretation only deepened that love.

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not (Crimson Peak):

There really aren't any characters who appear onscreen as living humans that I dislike. I guess I've thought more about Thomas' foibles than I did when I first saw the movie back in 2015? Mostly because I've thought more about all the characters since my fandom spiral, but I guess he had the farthest to fall, so to speak, in my regard.

I still love him. I just don't think of him as quite the same hapless innocent that I first saw.

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not (Carmilla):

I've kind of gone from disinterest in H*llence (Laura/Danny) to active dislike. Though that's less because of the ship and more because of very bad experiences with some of the more...strident shippers.

my ultimate favorite character™ (Crimson Peak):

Honestly, I'm pretty fair and balanced in my love of the char- [trips and drops bag; dozens of photos of Lucille Sharpe spill out] shit shit no I'm just. I'm holding these for a friend; you don't understand

prettiest character (Carmilla):

Oh god. In a cast so full of eye candy, how does one even choose? They're all pretty in their own ways. You can't really compare, say, Laura to Mattie because their respective types of intense beauty are just so different.

Elle has the closest aesthetic to mine, though.

my most hated character (Crimson Peak):

The Parents Sharpe, both. Honestly, screw them. With Thomas and Lucille I'll talk until the cows come home about complex narratives and sympathetic villains and the fact that the movie isn't a morality tale and how half the Gothic thrill of it all is doomed love, love that dooms you, digging your own grave even with your attempts to clamber out, etc.

James and Beatrice don't even have the Sympathy Factor of good intentions paving their road to hell. And that's where I hope they somehow end up.

my OTP (Carmilla):

Hollstein (Laura/Carmilla). My Brand(TM) since 1871.

my NOTP (Crimson Peak):

Alan/Lucille. Seriously, ship what you like, but why is this even a Thing? They interact with each other like...three times, IF you count the deleted park scene. And one of those times ends in stabbing.

It just seems like Pair the Spares for people who want exclusive Edith/Thomas but don't hate Lucille. I guess I appreciate that it's kinder to my fave than, "Lucille is dead and Thomas spits on her grave as he and Edith waltz off into the sunset," which tends to be the other flavor of exclusive Edith/Thomas. But still.

favorite episode (Carmilla):

The movie. No, really, it's hard to decide among so many episodes of the show, but the movie really brings back the Gothic vibes. And we all know how into that I am.

The show is great, but give me sapphic bustle dress ballroom action, and I'll be the happiest Marzi in the land.

saddest death (Crimson Peak):

Thomas. Definitely Thomas.

God, that poor, spineless coward. It was too little, far too late, but he still finally worked up the nerve to Try. I can't help but be affected by his earnest desire for everyone to be happy; for both the women he loves to stay with him. It was never going to work, and that adds to the tragedy immensely.

And right at the end, how he tries to talk Lucille around when nobody else would. I couldn't even blame them- much as I love her, she's a terrible person, AND she's trying to kill his beloved wife. But he still sees something worth saving in her. Hell, after the first two stabs, he doesn't make any move to defend himself. He thinks she wouldn't ever mortally wound him; he trusts the one person who's always loved, protected, and supported him. He can't help loving her, right to the end.

The way she breaks down after the fatal blow, too, realizing what she's done and desperately wanting to take it back. She's always fixed things; she's always saved him. And now she can't. And it's her own fault.

All he can do is realize that, in the end, her rage and pain and fear overpowered than her love for him. All she can do is watch the only good and pure part of her life die, knowing she did that.

Excuse me; I've got some Gothic Tragedy in my eye.

favorite season (Carmilla):

S1. I think it was the best, the most self-contained, and the only one that avoided tripping just a little on the increasing complexity of the worldbuilding. Not that I don't love the whole show, mind- I just think the first season was the strongest.

If only it had had Mattie...

least favorite season (Crimson Peak):

Not applicable

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate (Carmilla):

I can do without Kirsch. He's...fine, I guess? I usually just forget he's there, and I've seldom written him into any of my fics. I don't hate him, per se- that would require caring enough about him for hatred.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave (Crimson Peak):

My ultimate fave for this fandom IS a piece of trash. She's an on-fire dumpster full of Moltov cocktails. Just thoroughly awful.

I adore her.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave (Carmilla):

She would hate being characterized as a cinnamon roll, but I want good things for Danny. And really, to quote Eldena Doublecast, who wouldn't?

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship (Crimson Peak):

This is kind of a redundant question for a Gothic romance movie with canon sibling incest, isn't it?

(The canon sibling incest, obviously. Though I don't really want to cleanse my soul about it- I don't feel at all guilty or gross for shipping it. It's Gothic romance. Messed-up relationships come with the territory. At least it's more or less consensual and there's no minor/adult stuff involved- that's better than a lot of Gothic romance gets.)

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship (Carmilla):

LaFontaine/Perry. Cute! Doesn't really hold my interest, though.

[goose-books]

& while i am posting things today. some more maxwriting, specifically two mini-fanfictions for yves. @yvesdot​ ’s WIP the one and only universe of kay rainier (would recommend! arguments to lovers! he/him wlw! interdimensional (?) shenanigans!) one of which also features an OC i've mentioned a few times on this blog but done historically very little with.

it’s occurred to me in my moment of posting that neither of these pieces have titles. oh well.

THE FIRST ONE

you ought to send yves. some bingo prompts. anyway, i sent them kay + daemons, and then immediately realized i had ideas and thoughts about that, too. so i wrote my own version. unlike theirs, this is vaguely set in the HDM universe, which is funny because i haven’t read HDM and learned everything i know from waya vivji, a single war and peace fanfiction, and also wikipedia just before i wrote it. the notable context here is that daemons are usually the “opposite sex” of their humans, and if i got that wrong do not tell me because i am embarrassed.

Kay is a precocious child; she is twelve years old when her daemon settles. Chesire is a sleek dark mahogany, a ferruginous hawk with a wickedly curved beak and eyes that glitter like beads. He is also male. This, for the Rainiers, is not done; even the absent Ariel, despite his eccentricities, had a properly gendered daemon. It unsettles Kay in a way she will not place for many years; still, as soon as she registers her disappointment (for it must be disappointment, surely; nothing more), she’s awash in guilt.

“How lovely,” she tells him, stroking his glossy new feathers, keeping her voice low less to keep out her father and more because it is only polite. Cheshire bobs his head and flutters his wings and seems, very slightly, to preen. He must be able to sense her uncertainty, the subdued flatness to her voice, but he is a Rainier as well; the polite thing is to ignore it, and he does.

“How curious,” Father says, stroking Fauntleroy’s velvet ears.

“Not unheard of,” the dormouse says from her seat in his breast pocket. Constantine inclines his head slightly; he does not deign to offer more.

/

When the Neighborly enters the house the jackal stalks at his heel, ears pricked at attention, wet black nose gleaming, mouth crooked open in a canine grin. With it comes a distinct smell — not unpleasant so much as it is unbalancing, an earthy scent, filling the foyer as its claws click on the floor. Like his clothes, it is black, head to toe. They aren’t usually. Kay wonders if it’s coincidence, if perhaps he dyes its fur so it will match.

She thinks of it as such — it — because to be frank she is not sure what to make of Atlas, and what to assume about his daemon. During the customary introductions, Cheshire perches atop Kay’s shoulder, and Fauntleroy emerges from her pocket to whisk up to Father’s collar and cling to the fabric to study the Neighborly. He can’t stay quite still. His hands twitch at his sides. He shifts his weight. The jackal paces maddening circles around the room, eyeing the dark walls and the fine wooden furniture, too dignified to lower its head and sniff but not too good to cast judgment without speaking. Every time it passes Kay in its slow inexorable orbit, Cheshire’s claws tighten on her coat.

“It’s a pleasure, Atlas,” Constantine says stiffly, extending a hand to shake with an expression that suggests he’d rather have it removed.

Atlas shakes, grinning easily, a looseness to his motions, and then he tilts his head and says, “Anubis.” In a moment the jackal’s at his side, curling around the backs of his legs to turn its wet smile on Kay’s father. It’s too large; that’s what she decides. How does he take it anywhere? Why hasn’t it learned to behave? Unless this is his goal: to part rooms, to announce his presence as soon as he steps through the threshold.

“Anubis,” she says, the first time she and Atlas are alone. “Like the god?” Atlas and Anubis; it is the sort of half-joke she can appreciate.

Anubis looks up at its name. Atlas looks at it. “I don’t know,” he says. “It was my sister’s idea.” He looks to Cheshire, who has settled near Kay’s inkwell to reorganize her pens. “And this is…”

“Cheshire.”

“Cheshire,” Atlas repeats, piercing glinting as his eyebrow quirks.

“When I was younger, I thought he would be a cat.”

“I thought she’d be a crow. Probably better this way. Crows are poser birds.” Anubis snorts at that, a sound both doggish and human.

“She is… she, then,” Kay says carefully.

“Oh, yeah. Apparently that’s weird.” Atlas leans back in Kay’s chair until the front legs leave the ground.

“Is it,” Kay says.

Atlas’s eyes flit around her face, like he knows what she’s asking; his smirk doesn’t lessen. “Well, women have male daemons, right? Ask Cheshire.”

Kay and Cheshire look at each other. Cheshire fluffs his feathers and says, “This is dull.”

Kay is less certain. She does not smile at Atlas, but some of the edge has smoothed from her voice. “I should like to watch you explain it to my father.”

“If he could take it,” Atlas says. “What’s the mouse’s fucking name again?”

Cheshire steps back and forth, feathers ruffling, until Kay sets a hand out to still him, gentle, comforting. “Fauntleroy.”

“Christ,” Atlas says. “Bless you.” When he catches Kay stiffening, he relents a little, letting the chair clatter back to the floor. “Fits the vibe, I guess.”

“As yours fits you,” says Kay, making it as uncomplimentary as she can.

“Guess my soul’s black,” Atlas says cheerily. He balls up a piece of paper and tosses it to Anubis, who, flopped across the floor, doesn’t move. “Not the weirdest thing about us.”

“Well,” Kay says, “I think it would be rather unfair for me to talk about oddities,” and she takes a small victory in the look they share: not friendship, not fondness, but something like an understanding, reached in the quiet moment before Cheshire hands her another pen and she resumes her work.

THE SECOND ONE

this one’s a bit older but i never posted it until now, at yves.’s urging! i think i was doing... camp nano last year? or something. and couldn’t think of what to write. or maybe i couldn’t focus on my project because i was thinking about my other project, the butch4butch hamlet retelling i still haven’t written. to which yves. said, “write kay x your lesbian hamlet character,” to which i said, “you don’t think i will, but i will,” and i did. so really this is yvesmax crossover fic.

It is annoying, Holden’s habit of dropping by whenever she likes. This can probably be attributed to the fact that Holden, herself, is annoying. Kay can only adjust the items on her desk (pens, mainly) so many times; she is caught up in an aggravating state of waiting but also not waiting, and she does not care for that.

Just as she thinks so, there’s a knock at the front door.

Holden doesn’t ring the doorbell anymore. She did that the first time and Kay came down the stairs a few seconds too late to find Father staring at the creature in his front hall, looking like he didn’t know whether he should be put out or concerned. “I think the earrings got him,” Holden said later, on Kay’s bed, tapping the crosses hanging inverted from her ears. Kay’s opinion was that it was all of her, from the messy post-buzz hair to the propensity for suits to the Doc Martens to the way Holden leans on any available surface.

She opens the door and Holden is leaning against the doorframe. Which looks a little more awkward coupled with whatever she’s carrying under her arm.

“Hi,” she says.

Kay blinks slowly.

“It is late,” she says, spinning on her heel and heading for the stairs. Behind her, she hears the quiet click of Holden closing the door. The grandfather clock in the front hall is ticking toward eleven.

“I never get over how weird this place is.” When she glances back, Holden is peering into the nearest glass cabinet. “Like a little dollhouse.”

“Thank you,” Kay says stiffly. She cannot decide whether she is irritable.

“And this is coming from someone whose parents were devoted to taxidermy.” Holden follows her up the stairs, hands shoved into the pockets of her suit jacket, looking entirely too comfortable here, and Kay decides that she is irritable after all.

“I do not know what you suppose your business is here,” she says. “Especially as it is almost an hour past ten.”

Holden shrugs.

“Do not shrug at me.”

Holden opens her mouth as if to speak, then casts a glance behind her. There’s no one in the darkened hallway; Father is in his office. Still, Holden waits for Kay to shut her bedroom door.

“I know I’m late,” she says, slouching back against it. “Sorry. I lost track of time in the bookstore.”

Kay blinks. “You are late to see me because you went to the bookstore,” she intones.

She says nothing as Holden withdraws the books from under her arm and extends them. “I really wanted to find Carmilla for you,” she says. “Like, the oldest print version I could find.”

It certainly looks old. Kay purses her lips. “I own Carmilla.”

“I know. But, like… it’s vintage.” Holden attempts one-handed jazz hands. “I have a sentence in my notes app from six months ago that just says carmilla but like the old edition.” She shuffles the stack of books. “And then I sat down for — look, I swear I was trying to be timely about it. Trying to be punctual.” She pops the P. “But time isn’t real and I read two chapters of Pride and Prejudice and I don’t know if you own that but it feels like the kind of thing you’d find sexy.” Her smile glitters. “And then — I know The Catcher in the Rye isn’t your thing. But I wrote in this one, so.”

Kay reaches out, very carefully, to take the books. She does own Pride and Prejudice, actually, but she still feels a pang. She flips through The Catcher in the Rye and is met with scrawls of black-ink handwriting, filling up the margins and underlining passages.

“Thank you,” she says, very softly, and moves to set the books on her desk. “You didn’t have to… get me anything.”

“I like knowing that my parents’ money is fueling homosexual agendas,” Holden says pleasantly. When Kay turns around, Holden catches her hand and steps in closer, showing her teeth in a smile. “But I’ll try to be on time from now on.”

“As you should,” Kay says, pulling Holden a few inches closer.

Holden raises a hand to caress Kay’s cheek. “That said,” she says in a low voice, “now that I’ve — what did you say. Now that I’ve fulfilled my business here, I can think of a few things we could do. Unless it’s too late.”

Against her will, Kay smiles.

“I suppose we can extend your stay a little longer,” she says, and their lips meet.

[schrijverr]

Reunited

Tim and Bertie had fallen in love with Jonny on the moon, but when Bertie died Tim had left Jonny behind. He realizes how much he regrets it when he’s getting mechanized. After he finds out Jonny is alive, he vows to make it up to him and does his best to mend their relationship again.

On AO3.

Ships: Gunpowder Tim x Jonny d’Ville

Warnings: grieving and working through some issues. Tell me if I missed anything or if you want me to tag something!!

~~~~~~~~~

It was dark when Tim woke up.

He didn’t think he would wake up again when he had confronted the Moon Kaiser, so the fact that he was alive in the darkness was strange. He tried to move, but found his hands and feet were tied down to the surface he was lying on.

“Stop wiggling.” a voice said.

Tim did not know who the voice belonged to, but his head swiveled in the direction it had come from in an attempt to see who it was.

The person snorted and said: “I don’t think that will help, since I’m currently making you a pair of eyes. I’m Doc Carmilla, by the way, a pleasure.”

“What happened? What do you want from me.” Tim now really started to struggle against his bindings as he tried to get away.

“You were in an explosion.” the voice, Doc Carmilla apparently, told him gently, “You lost your eyes and I’m making you new ones. All I ask is cooperation.”

The fury from before was reignited in his veins as he continued to struggle fiercely. He wasn’t about to become an experiment of the Moon Kaiser or anyone else. He was Gunpowder Tim and if he’d had enough righteous anger to cut through thousands of Lunar Men, he would have enough to break out of here.

Doc Carmilla sighed and Tim felt a prick in his neck. As he started to loose his grip on the world, he heard her say: “Only people who cooperate get progress.”

When he woke up again a few days had passed, not that Tim would know since he’d lost his sense of time in the darkness. He startled, but before he could do anything Doc Carmilla spoke: “Don’t struggle again, it’s already been slow going since my help was emotionally compromised and I can’t work on your face if you struggle.”

“I don’t even know what you’re doing to me.” Tim protested.

“I’m giving you a second chance at life, away from everything that has brought you such misery. A new family to call your own that will be there forever. Don’t you want that, Timothy? Don’t you want that new beginning away from there?” she asked.

Tim thought about that. He didn’t really know the answer, he hadn’t thought about a future since he’d lost Bertie. His only focus had been to kill the Kaiser or die trying, no matter the price. What was he going to do now that it was over?

“It’s alright if you need time to think.” Doc Carmilla told him, “You’ll get plenty of time to think anyway.”

Then she started to work and most of the pain from getting metal shoved into still healing wounds took over for coherency.

But it came back to him when she left him, apparently done for the day. He pondered how he had avenged Bertie, how he could heal now, but the more he thought about it, the more he had failed him.

While they might’ve already been in love before they arrived on the moon and had known each other since they were little, it hadn’t been just the two of them, not anymore. There had been a fierce soldier, who really shouldn’t have been enjoying himself that much, that they had loved as well. His name had been Jonny, Jonny d’Ville. And Tim couldn't help but feel like he had abandoned him.

Jonny might have been manic from time to time with too much bloodlust for his tiny body, but he had also been soft and insecure.

Tim could remember the nights, where they had held Jonny between them as they whispered reassurances to him, while he was overwhelmed with the unfamiliar praise and affection that they heaped onto him.

But then Bertie had died and Tim hadn’t been able to see through his own grief. He’d gone on a rampage, leaving Jonny to fend for himself without a shoulder to lean on.

It felt like a punch to the gut and a bucket of cold water over his head. He had allowed himself to loose someone he cared about, someone he loved. He still had someone left and he hadn’t cherished the love he could have had.

Bertie would have killed him if he knew. The other man had taken to Jonny so quickly that Tim would have become jealous if he hadn’t trusted Bertie so much. Bertie took joy in figuring out what made Jonny blush or smile softly, just like he’d done for Tim so many years ago.

Tim missed that, missed Bertie, missed the three of them in a heap next to the campfire while Jonny softly sang of worlds far away.

Jonny never told them how he knew those songs and he would only sing them for Tim and Bertie in those quiet peaceful moments. Tim had learned to look forward to them and hold them near to his heart, but it seemed he had forgotten this lesson and now he would never hear Jonny sing again.

It was only then that it hit him that he might have been the one who killed Jonny. If he was here and did his duty then the moon was gone, along with everyone on it.

He had not only abandoned Jonny, he had murdered him as well.

That was what he thought about for the days that followed. Doc Carmilla would come in and work on him and he’d just lay there, mind somewhere else. He had failed both his lovers and he would do anything to make it up to them, but it was too late. He’d never be able to make it up to them again and that hurt deep to his core; the fact that he would never get to say sorry.

Then Doc Carmilla stopped coming and Tim was all on his own in the darkness once more.

Tim didn’t know how long he’d laid there before he heard a noise in the chamber he was in. He turned his head towards it, even though he couldn’t see and called out: “Who’s there?”

“Hmm, she’s farther along than I thought.” a heavily accented and slightly disappointed voice said.

“Who are you? What are you doing?” Tim was getting slightly nervous.

“Sadly, I have to fix you up.” the voice said coolly.

“Uhm, why?” this person obviously didn’t seem pleased of that and he was scared and confused in this never-ending darkness.

“Carmilla had to depart.” the voice answered, picking each word carefully “And I would have someone hound me if I didn’t and they found out, so here I am.”

“You don’t sound so happy about that.” Tim was getting worried the person would hurt him and he would be stuck and helpless here.

“I’m not, but you’re one of us now.” the voice sighed, “I’m Nastya, the engineer.”

“Oh, I’m Tim, Gunpowder Tim.” Tim replied.

“I know.” Nastya told him and after that she was silent, the only noises that of whatever project she was working on and the dripping of the IV keeping up his strength.

Tim tried to think of what he could have done to earn her anger, but none came to mind. What she told him also didn’t make sense, because who here knew him? He was still pondering that when she left, with a curt goodbye.

This awkward existing in the same space went on for another three days, before Nastya announced: “They’re ready. This is going to hurt, but then it’s over.”

He nodded and braced himself. For a second nothing happened, then something connected and his eyes started to burn. He screamed as his vision flashed white, a sharp contrast with the darkness from the past weeks, before his world went dark again as he passed out.

When he awoke this time, it was to a metal lab with contraptions and experiments everywhere. He was no longer bound and sat up in surprise. His eyes saw everything so clearly and it was hard just to take stuff in, but after a few moments he got used to it enough to walk.

Slowly he got onto his feet, still unused to walking after so long, and set out to find anyone who might want to tell him more about what was happening.

Tim was about to just start yelling when he heard voices further down the hall. He made his way to a doorway into a room with a few couches where five people were sitting and talking. He didn’t know who the metal man was, nor the red-haired woman, nor the other person, but his eye did fall on The Toy Soldier. It could be TS, who Nastya had referred to even if it didn’t like to be a someone. He was about to call out to it when the last persons face was revealed.

Jonny.

It couldn't be anyone else, even if Tim thought his brain was tricking him. It was the same face that would grin at him in the trenches or smile up at Bertie while laying in his lap. The same face. Jonny had lived, there was a chance Tim could make it up to him.

“Darling, you’re alive!” he yelled, racing forward to envelop a startled Jonny into a hug.

He squeezed him tight, before cradling his face in his hand and checking him over. Jonny looked completely unharmed, if Tim still had tear ducts he would have cried, instead he hugged Jonny again and said: “God, I was so worried about you, love, I’m so so sorry for leaving you, you didn’t deserve that I’m so sorry. How can I ever make it up to you, angel?”

In his arms Jonny looked very surprised, he’d gone still when Tim hugged him and now just sat there quite shocked. Then he softly asked: “You still like me?”

Tims heart broke, it got shattered in a thousand pieces that lodged themselves into his insides and tore through him. He assured him: “Of course I still do, I love you, I’m sorry I made you feel anything different, cupcake.”

Jonny sagged into his touch and Tim could feel his shoulders shake as his clothes got soaked in tears and nails dug into his back as Jonny clutched his coat tightly.

“Tim, Ol’ Sport, It’s You! I Did Not Know You Had Made It.” The Toy Soldier exclaimed, finally recognizing the familiar face.

“Tim, as in broke Jonnys heart Tim? Left him crying for days Tim? That Tim?” one of the people he did not know asked.

A stab of guilt went through Tims heart and he held Jonny closer as he kissed his temple and whispered: “I’m so sorry, bean, so so sorry.”

Jonnys grip only tightened in return, while in the background TS answered: “That Seems Like The Description Of Tim, Mx. O’Reily.”

“Who ordered you to call me that, go back to just Ashes.” the person, apparently Ashes, said then their look turned dangerous, “So, how do we know we can trust him to not do that again?”

“Hold on, Ashes, maybe let him explain first, we can threaten him later.” the metal man told them, he then smiled at Tim and introduced himself: “Hi, I’m Drumbot Brian, most call me Brian and I am the Pilot of this ship. Nastya did talk about finishing something, but she hadn’t mentioned what, has she explained what happened?”

“I don’t think she expected me to wake up yet.” Tim told him, not letting go of Jonny for a second, “She wasn’t there when I woke up and she’s mostly been giving me the cold shoulder.”

“That’s to be expected, with how we found Jonny over you.” the woman with the red hair said, “I’m Ivy Alexandria, pleasure.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m Tim, Gunpowder Tim, but most just call me Tim.” he didn’t extend a hand, too focused on the warmth of Jonny safe in his arms.

“Can we go back to focusing on what’s really important?” Ashes asked loudly, “Namely making sure this guy here doesn’t break Jonnys heart again.”

“I’m right here you know.” Jonny mumbled, “And he didn’t break my heart.”

Ashes raised a brow at him and said: “You cried for the first time in centuries and blubbered on about him enough for the Doc to not even tell you she picked him up. Not to mention this current limpet show.”

A flush overtook his features and he was about to let go, much to Tims dismay, when Brian stopped him and gently explained: “They didn’t mean it like that, Jonny, stay put, it’s obviously helping. They’re just pulling the overprotective card, let them do their shovel talk, then we’ll leave you guys alone to talk.”

Jonny kept holding on, relief clear as day, while Ashes pouted: “It’s not a shovel talk, Brian, it’s a proper intimidation act.”

Ashes turned to Tim and crossed their arms, from their standing position they looked down on Tim with disdain as they began: “If you hurt him ever again, I will cut you to pieces and make you watch as I burn those pieces to ash. I will kill you repeatedly in many increasingly painful ways and I will not stop until you beg, beg, me to please make it permanent and then I will kill you a few more times again, before I defy everything you are and murder you, before feeding you to the octokittens. Are we clear?”

Tim swallowed thickly and he could feel Jonny tighten his grip, before he softly whispered: “Don’t leave me, I’ll make sure to protect you from them, please stay.”

“Of course I’ll stay, baby.” Tim assured him with a kiss to his temple, before meeting Ashes gaze, “Nothing will make me leave or hurt you again, no matter how hard they try, I promise.”

Ashes scanned his face, but seemed content with what they found. They nodded approvingly, before ushering the others out while saying: “Come on, lets let these two catch up.”

With them gone Tim focused on what was most important, Jonny. Those others were obviously his family, so he’d felt the need to impress them, but now that was over and he had a cuddling lover to take care of.

Jonny was still crying a bit, although it seemed the heaving sobs from before had ceased. It was clear that Tims departure after Berties death had had more impact on Jonny than he could handle and Tim felt so incredibly guilty over ever leaving him. He’d known how much Jonny could doubt himself and their affection and still he’d left him in the middle of a war zone, alone, to cope with the fact that one of his lovers was dead and the other had apparently left him.

It seemed impossible, but Tim hugged Jonny closer, pulling him into his lap. He rocked him back a forth as he hummed softly.

After a while Jonny sagged even more into his touch, so TIm softly said: “I know we probably still need to talk about a lot, but right now I would love nothing more than to cuddle and sleep, if you’re agreeable, marshmallow.”

“Yeah,” Jonny mumbled into his neck, “I’d like that.”

“Good.” Tim told him, before scooping him up into his arms, half concerned and half glad he was still able to do that, as he asked: “What way, princess?”

A recognizable blush spread over Jonnys face as he pointed into a direction and Tim smiled to himself, some things never changed. Tim started walking while keeping up a constant stream of soft chatter, only pausing to ask for more directions that Jonny provided silently.

The room they arrived at was clearly Jonnys, the messy décor reminding Tim of his equally disorganized pack, while the belt and guns scattered around screamed Jonny.

Against the wall stood a big bed with a ton of pillows piled on it and Tim filed the soft nest away in his mind with new things to learn about Jonny in this new setting, as he gently put Jonny down between the blankets and other plush on his bed.

When Tim put him down Jonny whimpered slightly and Tim whispered: “I’m just taking off my shoes and outer layer, it’s a bit dirty and I want your bed to stay clean. That alright, sweet pea? Want your boots off too?”

Jonny nodded and Tim set to work. He kicked off his own shoes uncaringly and shrugged off his coat and trousers easily, but when he got to Jonnys boots he knelt down and softly undid the laces, before sliding the boots off gently.

He looked up and smiled at a now completely red Jonny and asked: “Do you want the belts off too, dove?”

After biting his lip, Jonny nodded and Tim undid his belts and slid them off, being mindful of keeping the same gentleness throughout the entire progress.

As Tim climbed onto the bed Jonny wiggled out of his own trousers as well and shrugged off his waistcoat. Then he rested his head on Tims chest, who instantly wrapped two arms around him and held him closely as he drifted off, the entire day finally catching up to him.

It took Tim a bit longer to find sleep. He didn’t know if it was because he’d woken up just over an hour ago or because he was still reeling over the fact that Jonny was still alive. It was frankly a miracle, but now that he thought of it, he should have seen this coming.

Back on the moon Jonny used to make a lot of immortality jokes, but he would get rather defensive if anyone called them that or didn’t believe him. Bertie and Tim just humored him and tried to keep an eye out, but The Toy Soldier always seemed 100% agreeable over it, which made sense after seeing it here. So the logical conclusion was that all those jokes along with the forever family comment from Doc Carmilla meant that Jonny really was immortal and after Ashes’ shovel talk it wouldn’t surprise Tim if he was now too.

That was quite a lot to take in, but Tim didn’t really have time for an existential crisis, he had to focus on Jonny and making things right between them. Apparently they were going to have forever and he needed to be his best for his beloved right now, so compartmentalizing it was.

It took a while, but Tim fell asleep too, listening to the soft breaths coming from the small figure in his arms. He’d studied Jonnys face closely, it was still as lovely as he remembered, even with ruined eyeliner covering it.

When he awoke it was Jonny who was studying him. He had been hovering over him when he’d opened his new eyes and had startled back when he’d realized Tim was awake. He said: “Oh, hi, good morning, Tim.”

“Good morning, sunshine.” Tim smiled, “How did you sleep?”

“Great, fine, better.” Jonny mumbled, looking a bit embarrassed, “It was nice to have you here.”

He had always been a terrible sleeper and Tim knew his and Berties presence had made it easier for him to sleep and it was nice to know that it still did. Tim smiled: “That’s good to hear.”

Jonny bit his lip, started to say something and then stopped. He looked at Tim again and Tim grabbed his hand, lightly squeezing to silently let him know that he was there and that it was okay. Jonny softly asked: “You are here, right? This is not just in my head?”

“Yeah, I’m really here.” Tim looked Jonny in the eye, but Jonny adverted his gaze, so he gently took Jonnys cheeks between his hands and said: “I mean it, Jonny, I’m going to do everything in my power to make you realize that I will never leave you again. What I did after-” a deep breath, “after Bertie died was stupid and hurtful and I have to live with the fact that I did that to you when you didn’t deserve it. I love you, Jonny, you’re my everything, and I will stay by your side and tell you that as much a possible for as long as you’ll have me.”

Jonny was crying again, Tim didn’t know if this was a good thing or a bad one, but he held him nonetheless, whispering sweet nothings into his hairline and leaving soft kisses along it.

“I’d- I’d like that.” Jonnys voice cracked, but he sounded so relieved and all Tim could do was squeeze him tightly and hope Jonny would understand.

They sat there for a very long time, Tims stomach was rioting, but he didn’t dare disturb the peaceful air around them. Jonny was playing with his fingers while Tim rubbed his back. After making one of his fingers crack, Jonny seemed startled for a moment, then he asked: “Have you gotten a tour of the ship yet?”

“What?”

“A tour, of Aurora, the- the ship?”

“Oh, no. I just woke up and wondered around a bit.”

“Then I’ll give you one, get dressed.”

Jonny was out of the bed and pulling on clothes, suddenly bustling with activity as he fluttered around the room. He turned and looked expectantly at Tim, who smiled softly and said: “I don’t have clean clothes, poppet.”

“Oh, of course.” Jonnys face got an understanding look on it as he began to dig through his closet, “I think I have one of Brians sweaters here from when I stole it and I must have a pair of sweatpants that can fit you. It will be too short, but it will have to do. And we have to ask Ashes to make sure they’ll get you some new clothes when we land some place habitable.”

The clothes thrown over his shoulder hit Tim, who took them and put them on. The sweatpants were indeed too short, but the sweater was oversized. It reminded him of Berties sweaters that he used to steal.

“Are you alright?” he asked, unsure what brought on the sudden need to move after Jonny had seemed perfectly content to just sit on the bed for the entire day not even a minute ago.

“You need to know where you’re going to stay, right? I mean, you can’t be expected to be with me the entire time, so I need to show you.” Jonny explained.

It sounded like watertight reasoning, but Tim couldn't shake the feeling that Jonny just didn’t want to come across as clingy, which had always been a fear of him. Tim put his arm around Jonnys waist and said: “I think I’m not going to leave your side anytime soon, but I do love to hear you talk, chipmunk, and a sense of direction would be nice. So lead the way!”

He saw a small smile flit over Jonnys face and couldn't help, but pat himself on his back for the excellent reply he had given.

They walked through the halls as Jonny rambled on about the different places behind closed doors, sometimes opening them to show Tim. He was not a very good guide, his talking was chaotic and all over the place and the route never really became clear. But Jonny seemed happy to talk and Tim was perfectly content to listen.

Jonny opened another door as he said: “So this is the kitchen, me and Brian mostly cook, because Ashes tends to burn anything and Nastya and Ivy can’t cook to save their life, you know, so we make the best of it and- oh, hi Nastya.”

“Hello, Jonny,” Nastya crossed her arms and gave Tim a judgmental one over, “Tim.”

“Hi, you must be Nastya.” Tim stepped forward and held out his hand, “We kind of did meet, but, you know, a face to the name.”

Nastya didn’t shake his hand and Tim dropped it. He could feel the nervous energy radiating of Jonny, from what the others had mentioned they must be close and it pained Tim that Nastyas anger at him had this impact on Jonny.

“I know you don’t like me.” he sighed, “I get it, I really do, I feel terrible about leaving Jonny too and I wish I could go back and slap me for it, but I did what I did, okay? I can’t change that and it seems like we’re stuck here together for forever, so you being mad isn’t going to make things better. I’m trying to make it up to Jonny, please, please, give me a chance.”

He didn’t see how Jonny made pleading eyes at her behind his back. He needed Nastya to be okay with Tim, he needed her to give him a chance and he needed her to be there and still like him if it went wrong.

Her shoulders sagged and she warned: “If I ever, and I mean ever, see Jonny cry over you again, I will cut off you genitalia and throw you in Aurora’s engine.”

“Nastyaaa.” Jonny whined, she raised a brow at him: “What, Jonny? It’s not like he won’t deserve it then.”

“I agree with Nastya, dear, full responsibility and accountability.” Tim said.

Jonny rolled his eyes and groaned: “Why is everyone suddenly so overprotective off me. I’m the crazy one and the oldest, I am the protector, not some damsel in distress.”

“Which is exactly why.” Tim and Nastya said in unison, they both looked at each other and Tim felt a slight victory at Nastyas small smile.

“Whatever, I still need to show Tim the couch room.” Jonny started to walk away, before Tim could follow Nastya stopped him and said: “Jonny isn’t the best guide, if you ever need to find anything, just ask Aurora.”

“The starship?”

“Yes.”

And with that Nastya walked away, while Jonny called out to him from where he had walked off in the other direction. Tim quickly walked over and they continued the tour.

Dinner that evening was provided by Brian and quite an awkward affair. Tim tried to get to know the others, but it seemed they had all decided to see if he proved himself worthy, before they accepted him. Brian did offer polite conversation, but that bled dry rather quickly.

In the end he just gave up and ate his dinner in silence, Jonny fiddling anxiously besides him.

The next few days went on quite similarly. He spent most of them with Jonny, who would alternate between too much energy and silent and sullen. Tim tried to keep up with him, but he was starting to get concerned about it and the stares at dinner, which was still violently silent, weren’t helping at all.

So, when they were lying in Jonnys bed, he still hadn’t gotten around to asking Ashes for his own (not that he wanted that), he asked: “What’s going on in that head of yours, munchkin?”

“What- what do you mean?” Jonny asked and Tim could hear the vulnerable defensiveness in his voice.

“I’m just concerned for you. You never want to talk and in some moments you bounce around and in others it seems the world could burn and you won’t move. I just want you to be alright, okay? I want you to talk to me, so that I can try and help.” Tim said, sounding a bit desperate, “I love you, sweetheart, I don’t want to see you upset.”

“Well, I don’t need your concern, I’ve been doing just fine without you.” Jonny spat.

Tim should have seen the outburst coming. He knew he couldn't just walk in and have everything be alright again, but it still hurt. He bit his lip, trying to keep a sharp retort in, but failed: “And I’ve really been seeing that independence lately.”

He knew it was a low blow, but Jonny was already replying before he could take it back and apologize: “Maybe if you weren’t smothering me so much, you would.”

“I- Me? Have I been smothering you?” inside Tim screamed at himself that this was just what Jonny did, he pushed people away and got defensive as if to prove to himself that they wouldn't stay if they saw him. But Tims already fierce soul had turned snappish and angry in the war and he couldn't help, but let false venom spill from his lips.

“Yes,” Jonny crossed his arms, sitting up, “you’re always around, a guy needs his space. I’m not some fragile child that will break the moment you leave me. I survived you leaving me already, I survived a lot without you before that. I don’t need you, but maybe you should think about how much you’re clinging to me.”

The words were a punch to Tims gut, he was trying so hard to be better, to stay, but the hurt was still there in Jonnys mind and that wouldn’t just disappear with Tim here. Maybe Tim deserved to be pushed away.

He got up out of the bed and stated: “Alright, if I’m smothering you that much, then I’ll give you some space.”

And with that he walked out the room. If he had bothered to turn around, he would have seen how Jonnys face crumbled as he curled into a ball on the bed, contemplating if he should call out, but the door was already closed.

Outside Tim realized he had nowhere to go. He still didn’t really know the way and no one aboard Aurora liked him enough to help. Fuck, he really did need Jonny. Why was he so stupid? Why did he let his anger get the best of him?

He suddenly had no energy to do anything and just collapsed on the floor outside of Jonnys room and leaned against the door. He wanted nothing more than to go back in and apologize, but he still wasn’t sure if Jonny was serious about the smothering and he didn’t want to risk angering him even more.

Maybe if he was nice and stayed out of the way tonight, Jonny would want to talk to him again next morning and then he could apologize.

Tim felt like such a dumbass, sitting against the door in his nightshirt. He probably ruined all he did so far. Jonny didn’t need him, not really. Here he had a family that loved him and would die for him, even if they did come back, but Tim still wanted to be the one to tell him how much he was worth and how much he loved him.

It might be selfish, but Tim wanted to be the one to make Jonny blush and smile. He wanted to be there when his brain got the better of him and he needed someone to hold him and tell him it was alright. Tim wanted to be the one who made him happy, just like before.

But now he might have ruined that, just because he snapped back at Jonny even if he already knew Jonny didn’t mean it, that he probably did it out of an insecurity that Tim only fed into instead of banished.

Like an idiot.

He never thought he would miss crying, but now he wanted to do nothing more than give himself over to heaving sobs and hope strong arms would hold him, that Bertie was still here and would make it all better again.

Yes, Bertie would have known what to do and what to say. Bertie was always better about these sort of things, about Jonny. As much as Jonny had him wrapped around his little finger, Bertie could get Jonny to do what he wanted just as easily. Always the right words and smiles ready.

Tim sighed and slumped further against the door and tried to get comfortable on the metal floor, Bertie wasn’t here and the hole in his heart felt deeper than when he was with Jonny. He needed to make it up to the other, but he didn’t know how.

What would Bertie do?

He pondered the question. Bertie would respect Jonny, not be stupid and push him when he was already upset, but if it did go wrong, he would catch him the next day. So that’s what Tim would do now. Tomorrow he promised to himself and Bertie, tomorrow he was going to apologize, grovel if he needed to, now he would just give Jonny space, just in case.

When he woke up, it was because he felt like he was falling. How he had managed to fall asleep, he did not know. He groaned and looked, only to find that it hadn’t been just a feeling, but that Jonny had opened the door he had been leaning against, causing him to fall backwards.

Jonny was looking down on him, a surprised look on his face, red rims around his eyes. He frowned: “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, well, you see, I, uhm,” Tim think of what Bertie would say, but he was not Bertie, he would never be that, so he just had to be himself as he confessed: “I had nowhere to go and I felt really bad about snapping at you, but then I thought that maybe I was smothering you, so I didn’t want to bother you, so I decided to apologize in the morning, because I am really fucking sorry and- are you crying, pumpkin?”

“You- you stayed.” Jonny sniffled, “I got really mad at you, but you still stayed here and tried to listen even if I’ve been really mean to you and you still tried to be nice and I don’t even know why I did that.”

Jonnys knees buckled and he collapsed next to Tim, who quickly sat up to wrap his arms around him. He rocked them slightly back and forth and whispered: “I promised to myself that I would make it up to you, honey. I’m never making the mistake of leaving you ever again.”

After a while Jonny said: “I’m sorry for getting mad at you.”

“I’m sorry for snapping at you, I know you didn’t mean it.” Tim replied, “I just worry about you and I got frustrated, but I shouldn’t have gotten angry with you. I never was the one who was good at that and I just didn’t think.”

Jonny was silent for a moment, then he whispered: “I miss him.”

“Me too.” Tim squeezed Jonny tightly, to reassure him and to remind himself that he was still there and not alone.

“I feel bad, because you’re here and that is already a miracle, but I still miss him.” Jonny was crying and Tim would be concerned about how often he’d seen Jonny cry these past few days, if his own eyes didn’t ache to join him.

All he could do was hold on and say: “It’s alright, well, it’s not, he should be here and I fucking wish nothing more than to have him here with us, but you’re allowed to grieve, dear, just let it all out.”

“Just- Why him?” Jonnys voice cracked, “Why did he have to die? I should have- should have protected him, but I was too late and it’s all so fucking unfair.”

“It is unfair.” Tim agreed, “It’s so unfair, but it’s not your fault, Jonny, it’s not. He would never blame you and neither do I.”

“I hate it, I just hate it.” Jonny pouted, cheeks and eyes wet, but his eyes full of rage, “I fucking hate it.”

“Yeah, I do too, teacup, just don’t hate it so much that it will ruin you, because he wouldn't want that for you.” Tim hated telling Jonny not to let the anger consume him after he had abandoned everything for his own rage.

“You got that perspective now?” Jonny asked, quirking a brow at him, a bit of a sharp edge to his voice.

“I know, it’s too late. Lying on a table in the dark gives you time to think, suddenly realized how pointless it all was and how badly I treated you and how much I wished I could make it better, to just be able hold you again and apologize.” Tim said.

The anger drained out of Jonny and he sighed: “You’re right, of course, you’re fucking right, I just wish anger or violence could be the answer that’s what I do. I can’t- I don’t- Not this. I’m not made for this.”

He sounded so frustrated and broken at the end and Tim just wanted to take all the anger, all the frustration and hurt from him, but he knew he couldn’t. Instead he kissed his forehead and sadly smiled: “No one is made for this, precious. I wasn’t, I’m still not.”

Jonny thought about that. Then he kissed Tim, it was soft and desperate and not really what Tim was used to, but he welcomed it nonetheless. When Jonny pulled back he asked: “What was that about?”

“You’re just so good for me and I know you feel guilty about what happened after B- you know? But you don’t have to feel guilty about it.” Jonny said, it was clear that he’d thought about it for a while, “It hurt, of course it fucking hurt, but I get it, I get it and I can’t be mad at you for it, as much as I want to blame you, I can’t.”

“Jonny-”

“No, let me talk please, because I don’t know if I can say all this again.” Jonny cut him off, “When I went- when I got here, no, before I got here, I- I was angry at my home and I burned it to the ground and it felt good to be angry and do that even if it was pointless, so I get it.”

“But can you forgive me?” Tim asked, scared of the answer, but needing to know.

“Someday, yeah, I can, just- just not now, not yet.” Jonny told him, “But we’re getting there and I still love you.”

The doubt that had been gnawing on him, disappeared with that. It was the first time Jonny told him that he loved him since he’d gotten here and he had been scared that the other didn’t anymore, that he had been too late. He breathed out in relief: “I love you too, starling.”

Jonny let out a small giggle, breaking the sad tension that had hung over them. He smiled: “You with your silly pet names.”

Tim laughed too and promised: “I got a whole lot more, Jonny-boy, don’t you worry.”

“Well, I’d like to hear them.”

“I will try my best, m’lady, but first breakfast!” Tim said, a weight off his shoulder as he pulled Jonny up. This conversation had been what they needed, a bit of clearing the air so that they could move forward and be sure where they stood even if a fight had brought it on.

They walked to breakfast hand in hand. The past few days they had been close, but the barrier of uncertainty was gone now and the contact now felt more natural. A happy bubble floated up in Tims chest as Jonny chattered on about a stupid dream he’d had.

Entering the dining room everyones gaze fell on them. Ashes stood up, butter knife in hand, and asked: “Has Jonny been crying? What did you do to him?”

Where before he would sit silent and say nothing, just send them pleading glances to keep their mouth shut, Jonny now snapped: “Don’t do this, Ashes. If he could, he would have been crying too. It was good crying, now shut the fuck up before I shoot you.”

“Are you sure?” Ashes asked. Tim noticed Nastya had stood up as well, hand at her holster.

“Yes, I’m sure. You could all be a bit nicer to Tim, it’s not like he doesn’t belong here. He is family too now, it would do you good to get to know him at least.”

Ashes looked a bit unsure at that, but they did sit down again and so did Nastya. With that done, Jonny seemed a bit more awkward, thorn between Tim and his other family. Tim just dragged him to his chair and said: “Come on, eat something. You get cranky when you’re hungry.”

“I do not.” Jonny replied indignantly.

Tim rolled his eyes playfully and smirked: “So that time you forgot to eat and then complained about the soil for two hours and threatened to shoot me over telling you to calm down, was just you being happily full, eh, bubbles?”

Jonny blushed a bright scarlet and mumbled something that was drowned out by Ashes chocking loudly. They now registered the pet names that they had missed in the surprise back when Tim had first arrived and exclaimed: “Bubbles?”

The flush got darker and Jonny gritted out: “Shut up.”

Some of the others laughed as well and Tim felt kind of bad for the embarrassment he was causing Jonny, but it really wasn’t his fault. He’d tried to keep the pet names on the down low with everyone hating him, but, with the more relaxed atmosphere between him and Jonny, it had just slipped out.

Tim had been about to save Jonny when The Toy Soldier asked: “What Is So Weird About Tim Calling Jonny Bubbles? He Always Uses Strange Names That Aren’t Jonny To Refer To Him.”

Multiple people at the table began to grin as Jonny tried to disappear into thin air with no success. Interested Nastya asked: “Really, TS? What sort of names then?”

“Well, I Remember Dearie, Gorgeous, Sweetie, Jellybean-” The Toy Soldier was cut off by Jonny, who shot it before glaring at everyone and saying: “Not a goddamn word.”

“Ahw, are you embarrassed about me, missy?” Tim teased, knowing the last time he’d used that particular moniker Jonny had spluttered for a full minute or two.

The effect was the same. The already prominent blush spread further and further as Jonny waved his gun haphazardly around and gaped like a fish. There was more laughter and in the end he just dramatically draped himself over Tim as he exclaimed: “Why do you hate me?”

Carding a hand through his hair Tim said: “I could never. Here, I’ll even make you coffee.”

“‘M gonna need something stronger than coffee,” Jonny pouted, still hiding his face, “but you’re making a strong argument.”

Tim decided he liked the new vibe in the room with the others, as it allowed Jonny to be softer and him to be more himself as well. He gently reminded Jonny: “I thought we had all agreed first coffee then something else, cuddle bug. Remember?”

With his face still hidden Jonny couldn't see the others biting their lips at the pet name. All wanted to see if Jonny would actually do it. They of course didn’t know how Bertie had made the most convincing puppy dog eyes as he played up the concerned boyfriend act when they made the agreement.

“Alright, but I’m drinking something stronger right after.” apparently Jonny was going to honor the agreement, even if the other party wasn’t there anymore.

With a smile Tim got up and went to make coffee after he had gently pushed Jonny off of himself. While he was away, Brian leaned over and softly said: “He seems nice. You look happier, Jonny. That’s good. I’m glad for you.”

Nastya and Ashes nodded. Jonny couldn't help but smile at that, he’d been so worried when everyone had seemed mad at Tim. He didn’t like to see his family members fighting and a part of him had feared that the animosity would never fade.

The moment was ruined by Ashes who asked: “How many times will you kill me if I ever refer to you as bubbles or cuddle bug or missy? And how mad will you get when I tell him you used to be a cowboy?”

They were answered by a shot through their head, however it was too late, because Tim had entered just in time to witness the murder. He raised his brow and asked: “I’ve gathered the immortality thing, but is this a regular occurrence?”

“Sadly, yes, there is 67% chance that someone will not survive the day when everyone is in a good mood, this rises to 91.5% when someone isn’t.” Ivy told him.

“Great.” Tim said, handing Jonny his coffee, which he took gratefully, before making himself a bowl of cereal as well as one for Tim.

Ashes and TS didn’t wake up during breakfast and Tim had a pleasant chat with Brian about string instruments, apparently the other played banjo. Meanwhile Jonny and Nastya seemed to be having an in depth conversation about whether Ashes would be mad if Jonny stole their tongue.

When the last spoonful was in gone, Tim got up and stated: “I want to see this observation deck that I’ve heard about. Come on, cowboy, lead the way.”

“Oh no, you heard that?” Jonny groaned, but he got up anyway to show Tim.

“I almost get the feeling that you’re ashamed of my pet names.” Tim told him, then more dramatically he went on, “The light of my life, my own little gremlin and cutie pie, ashamed of little humble me.”

“Oh come on, you dork. That’s enough teasing material to last them a few centuries, the vultures.” despite his words Jonny had a smile on his lips and Tim hadn’t seen him happier in a very long while.

He ceased his pet names onslaught and just let Jonny drag him away from the others to the observation deck where they both sat down to watch the stars.

Tim had wrapped his arm around Jonny, who leaned into him gratefully. It was oddly domestic after most of their experiences together being in the middle of a war, but Tim found that he quite liked this opportunity for a new them.

There was still a lot to do, a lot to work through and talk about. Tim had to adjust to an immortal life and fully win over the others, even if he was already on the way. He’d have to get used to living again, for the first time actually function without Bertie there. There was also Jonny, whose forgiveness and trust he still had to earn, despite the love he already had. It all seemed very daunting, but with Jonny under his arm, safely tucked into his side, it didn’t seem so bad anymore.

“I love you, nugget.” he told Jonny softly, planting a kiss on the top of his head.

“I love you too, Tim.” Jonny replied, shifting to make himself even more comfortable next to Tim.

Yeah, this wasn’t so bad. Tim could get used to this.

[somerpmemes]

Carmilla S3 Starters

Change as needed

“How do you breach a wall? Not with a battering ram, you give them a helpless girl and let them invite their doom right in.”

“Low grade telekinesis is pretty much how it communicates.”

“None of us will be free until she’s dead.”

“But since when do you have a problem with me choosing handcrafts over mortal danger?”

“There’s a difference between learning from your past and letting it rule you.”

“Maybe if we back off, play it safe, we can find ourselves some leverage.”

“Let the mind-numbing boredom begin.”

“We’re not going in there. That is a bad room!”

“Sorry cutie, safety’s never really been a good look on me.”

“As far as defense mechanisms go, it’s been pretty effective.”

“So you think I’m too much of a coward to go in there?”

“My feelings are not squishy.”

“Look, if you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”

“She who jumps into death traps does not get to whine about her butthurt.”

“It is a very well-known fact that I made up just now.”

“It is so disappointing to offer an olive branch only to have one’s efforts rejected.”

“Whatever little plans you’re currently hatching, they’re already doomed.”

“Maybe it’ll make more sense after a good night’s insomniac staring at the ceiling.”

“I’m not doing this to punish you.”

“I’m gonna kill something to eat.”

“Seems healthier than the whole doomed relationship thing.”

“There’s only so much of space and time to hide in.”

“You’ve gone and forgotten who can rip out who’s spleen in this equation.”

“Ugh, can the business speak.”

“Are you feeling sorry for me? That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in ages.”

“You used to be terrifying.”

“Well, the blood loss was minor…”

“I’m sure it’s more complicated than what I’ve seen.”

“For a complete paranoid he is pretty cool.”

“The only thing my getting involved ever did was make it worse.”

“You’re scared, and you’re allowed to be. But no one’s coming to save us.”

“You’ll need to bring me something more substantial than excuses.”

“What good would you do anyways?”

“Guess I just never really imagined it ending this way.”

“You wanna keep me safe, and I get that, but this isn’t your decision.”

“No more gallivanting off on dangerous missions.”

“I am not wearing a biohazard suit again!”

“So I’ll just be anywhere but here.”

“Oh god, this is what an aneurysm feels like.”

“I don’t know what you’re getting all pink and huffy about.”

“Well, sorry my post-traumatic revelation was inconveniently timed for you.”

“Was becoming an expert in extinct languages supposed to be hard?”

“I carefully, stealthily, eviscerate anyone stupid enough to get in my way.”

“You never wanna admit how you feel.”

“You think nobody’s ever kissed me to make themselves feel better?”

“Hi! So glad you found time to care.”

“I can’t believe I thought this was gonna be an actual rescue.”

“Wham bam, totally a plan!”

“Shouldn’t we have known if gods were real?”

“Wow. So I guess that’s been happening.”

“Simpler and less prone to mid-air collision is definitely more our speed.”

“Is there gonna be a lot more of this gloating? Because I’m starting to miss unconsciousness.”

“That place is a cultural Chernobyl!”

“Do you think about what you did? How close you came to hurting yourself?”

“I don’t want you to be so scared for me all the time.”

“Sometimes there is no safe unless you fight back.”

“You really wanna feed that ego any more than you already have?”

“I can talk about being a realist all I want but I have no idea how to do this.”

“Time is shorter than we think.”

“I’m thinking the reason that we’re always in over our heads is that we keep on picking fights that are over our heads.”

“Alright. Here goes some witchcraft.”

“The dead are so many.”

“You’re not gambling your life twice in one night.”

“Ever consider switching sides?”

“I know it probably doesn’t matter but I’m sorry.”

“And when in doubt, aim for the eyes.”

“Okay, do you know how sick I am of this “you’re too young and innocent” spiel?”

“That is turning out to be habit forming.”

“Well, that was about as much fun as dental surgery.”

“You’d be amazed at what you can accomplish with a few elephant tranqs.”

“It’s been a while for me but I’m pretty sure it’s like riding a really violent bicycle.”

“You know, I’d say we’d regret this, but I don’t think any of us are going to live long enough for that.”

“It’d be easier getting a straight answer out of a snake.”

“The universe is huge and it’s arbitrary and uncaring.”

“I love you. Why shouldn’t that be something good?”

“Corporeality suits you.”

“You can keep talking, I'm just gonna be over here imagining your face in one of those masks from Silence of the Lambs.”

“Has love ever sold anything for anyone?”

“You get all set to snap a neck and then nothing? It’s like having the last page of your book ripped out.”

“We can’t afford to be squeamish.”

“Since murdering you might be counter-productive, let’s move on.”

“Alright, let’s get started before I get irrational.”

“One broken thing can’t save another.”

“You know, in general research goes better when the books remain landbound.”

“You’ve got nothing to lose when your heart is buried.”

“Sounds like it’s getting pretty rough for everyone.”

“The end is starting to look pretty nigh.”

“Look, I’m sorry you haven’t figured out a way to science yourself a happy ending.”

“You? You couldn’t stab a swimming pool if your body was the knife.”

“I’m fine with a viable plan A, because I can always go back on the violence.”

“No matter what mistakes you made I’m always gonna think of you as a hero.”

“That involved a lot less bloodshed than I expected.”

“It doesn’t matter how safe I try to make myself, there’s always gonna be disappointment and loss.”

“There’s no sense hiding in the shadows. You might as well come out.”

“Was that call not close enough? Be QUIET.”

“Do you remember that time I hunted you for sport? Good times.”

“I am so sick of everybody speechifying like the enlightenment never happened.”

“Science killed God once already. Let’s see about a sequel!”

“Somewhere in all that anger and darkness you lost all your hope, didn’t you?”

“You don’t get to call dibs on all the self-sacrifice.”

“There are no miracles without sacrifice.”

“Don’t let grief make you hard and cold.”

“We should go get some help. Or at the very least a first aid kit.”

“Tonight I’ll kill a god if I have to.”

[littlemeangreen]

Since you like my alt-Marauders (WHICH IM SO HAPPY FOR) how about challenge for headcanons of them interacting with the Smashers, as allies or foes or just a chance encounter? No need to, I just thought it might be something you'd have fun with!

@thecorteztwins k I'm suddenly in a big writing mood so!! FINALLY getting around to this I'm so sorry sksksk

For anyone who doesn't know: Thecorteztwins has an amazing au where she's collected Haven (thicc angel lady who was possessed by a demon disguised as a baby), Claudine (Miss Sinister),Madelyne (clone of Jean Grey), Pyro, Sebastian Shaw, Shinobi Shaw and sometimes Alice (a clone being tested by Claudine)!

I feel like the first few days are really testy. Everyone's got some bone to pick, the usual. But the biggest thing? The name. A brief encounter with paparazzi ends with their name and the reactions go from Pyro and Claudine scoffing at how silly it sounds and what a rip off it is (Pyro being a writer?? U KNOW he wouldn't stand for Alt Marauders) to Shaw sighing about the fact that he's been stuck on a team with a cliche super nickname.

Then there's personal names because once again, Pryo and Shinobi both agree that everyone needs a name to reapply make them unique! Hardly anyone goes for it, ranging from Haven's soft "no thank you" to Shaw punting Pyro into a wall. Madelyne is slightly soft for Pyro's RPG themed alias ideas for her and less than impressed for Shinobi's idea of "Mad Milf".

Alice....I'm definitely thinking she gets nicknamed "White Rabbit" or "Wonderland" because; 1) no one can leave her out of getting a name. 2) Pyro 100% would give a cheesy media related name and 3) I like the very small connections of white rabbit to the white and red queens in Alice in Wonderland (and 4) rabbits always get experimented on :).

Gamma Gals having amazing duos with the ladies of the Marauders? Absolutely!!

Jen and Haven, being an amazing duo and I feel like they'd be the two who would have that issue where they're the only ones who can save the day and end up learning a lot from each other? Haven is probably thanking her stars that she finally gets to meet a hero who believes in her kindness just as much as she does (S H A W).

Just....Haven being able to meet an even bigger woman and trading stories and being GalPals(TM). Its a really interesting concept to me that Haven is someone who was deliberately used to destroy and Jen is someone who's entire identity is formed around smashing and destruction. It's probably rather cathartic to be working with someone who purely doesn't want to resort to violence immediately and who has been used (Haven by her demon and Jen by different people).

But also learning something from each other? Haven being able to see that sometimes you do need to fight for what you love and Haven proves to Jen that even after all this time, it isn't the muscle or power that can save everything, it's her and her drive and will alone. Catch Red and Shaw scoffing about it.

Speaking of, those two could either REALLY clash or really get along, no imbetweens. Have we found another old man for Shaw to wrestle with, Roman style??? (Ngl that would be hot in a sick way)

Skaar and Shinobi? Both long haired, beautiful, sons of big figures, grew up in abusive environments,,,,its a duo. Just put Shinobi into a mini team with Skaar and Daken and we have the "Black haired brood squad"

Rick and Pyro working together to have a joint production??? FIrebomb productions baby!! My podcast ideas? Absolutely would happen when you combine these two and its hell. Aka; Rick and Pyro gossip on their podcast and give advice to starting heroes as immortals and smack talk. But also outside of that I imagine they can get along a lot in the "had a hard time accepting stuff" and "we were heroes who often did a lot for others and got disregarded and hurt for it".

Pyro: Hey if I set you on fire can you become a flaming bowling ball

Rick: well let's fine out!!

Red and Shaw....there's a lot there. Both are old men who have been pressed on in their lives and affected by masculine presences in their lives...both are regarded as awful shitbags but they're both MUCH more complex and driven by a need for power and stability...lots of thoughts here.

Shaw and Red are one team you do NOT wanna mess with because two old men who are perfectly willing to do what's needed? Red can respect a man willing to get his hands dirty with clear means and Shaw can probably like a guy who has the drive to do what he believes is the better good. Also big hulk man who can give you endless power.

But also differences in them because Shaw abused and continues to abuse Shinobi while Red neglected and most likely emotionally abused Betty but it seemingly trying to make a difference in it now that she's come back? I feel like these two probably have a SUPER in depth conversation when forced to or alone and then never speak about it again.

Spending of Betty! Her and Madelyne?? What a DUO they're litreally a great mix because Maddie is a clone of Jean, Betty was assumed to be a clone at first and often has to suffer being the "domintrix" she hulk. Both have serious issues with their mental health and identities as well as dealing with their lives being ruled or devoted to men who ruin them. Both want freedom and have such passion! I just....so much to say about these two and the similarities. They're both red.

But yeah Phoenix and Harpy?? Skksks Maddie voice: I'm FIRE HARPY nOW

Am I still yelling for her hero name to be Griffin because of how mystical they are and being a bird and lion??? Yeah.

Also sad thoughts but,,,gals talking about their lost kids (Maddie with Nate and Betty suffered a miscarriage induced from stress), the stress of their lovers and who they've lost to (Jean, Emma, Caiera, Jarella,,,) and being manipulated by men for their power (Maddie by Sinister into Goblyn queen and Betty by Leader into Red She-hulk, Harpy, both died).

Anyway point is I can fully see them two just CLICKING or fighting a lot at first until someone points out just how similar they are. Then? Maddie and Betty out here being the brand new Thelma and Louise. Red and Black styles, willing to use force but protect the innocent, both take Alice and this cute kid that Betty absolutely mother henned in her run and,,,two moms and their talented daughters pls step out the way sir.

Tbh I don't think I have much for Samuel apart form him having a small crush on Claudine (and like,,,,not in That Sense, but Samuel does have a big history of falling for smart women or just...OP women). And then a series of gags where Haven wants to know him because he's like Shaw but also incredibly different in thinking and everytime she walks into the room,,,,Samuel is doing some horrific experiment and she just NOPES OUT. Shaw wants to make use of this but it goes horribly wrong oh God why did he try.

Lyra! I just....feel like there could be a lot for her and Claudine and Alice. Lyra was genetically engineered to be used in a war and was bullied relentlessly for being "half man" which...is rather transphobic and sexist but that's her storyline and it's too deeply embedded for me to headcanon over it so...sighs.

But yeah!!! Lyra taking Alice and giving her a night of being able to just....be whoever that night, not being pressured to have an identity of the sorts from anyone and just being able to fight people with a giant green woman. Probably has a lot of deep talks later that night with Lyra, sitting over a building and eating ice cream because it was one of the first things Bruce shared with her and a first realisation that Lyra could be more than someone's daughter.

100% would picture this with Carmilla (Lyra's sister and...also messy kinda clone) or Laura Kinney hopping along and!! Clone weapon woman team!! I could GET INTO this!!! Just...pls marvel give me a team of women overcoming abuse and forming identities among each other and cool women,,,,

But also Lyra admittedly would respect Claudine for her skills and her...tenacity? Yeah, that. She has strength and guts and Lyra probably actually tells her that she'd rather get experimented on by Miss Sinister than some pig of a man and Claudine just "thhhanks?"

Hulk,,,,funny enough I don't think I have many ideas for him yet? Probably gets into a fair few fights with Shaw and Haven over different stuff, Maddie has a bome to pick for Betty,,,I am,,,blank.

I feel like a lot of things for him would be Haven trying to break through into him, maybe each of the Marauders dealing with different parts of the system? I can imagine Shinobi and Pyro don't have a high opinion of the oversized dad until Bruce turns super ashen pale and immediately Joe starts yelling for some whisky and GIRLS....and a fella or two for matchstick and ghost baby here.

Maddie thinking that he's another Scott and then finding out that Hulk's thing is more complicated than Scott simply looking for Jean again. Also Maddie demands that she will forcefully adopt Hulk's kids and these two bonding over abusive dads???

But uh,,,that's about it!! Hope you liked it!!! I probably could easily delve into more thoughts if there's anything specific for me to set my mind on.

[spell406]

So, a friend of mine basically forced me to watch at least one episode of Netflix Castlevania.

(Disc - I am new to tumblr and had a little problems with posting this thing correctly. Sorry for spam)

So I watched one. And then another. And another… When I finished it was 3 a.m., my eyes were burned out, my brain fried, and my soul forever forfeited, but whatever, who need it anyway.

I am new to the universe, and I know that I am something like 10 months late to the review party, so instead I decided to just share a bunch of thoughts of mine. [UPDATE – Because I am extremely heavy procrastinator and it took me almost two weeks to write this thing I am already at 50% of SoTN right now I’ve finished SoTN by now]

First of all – Castlevania looks like anime, but shares almost nothing common with it. It was a relief, to be honest, as I was a little afraid of show being just another shounen with specific set of clichés and similarities that might quite not bad (or even enjoyable), but I’ve seen them too many times before – better or worse executed – to watch without a mild nausea another Bleach/Naruto in a darker scenario.

I would never demand a fantasy world to be realistic. Like, who would do, fantasy world is supposed to be… fantasy, right? I am fine with lack of realism but I can’t say the same about lack of common sense, and there is a matter of logic that I personally find quite funny. When you are about to fight in close quarters with someone, with both of you lives on stake you’ll want to use every possible advantage. In general there are two kinds of battle armors – first one is focused on providing maximum protection (like typical medieval plate armor) and second one designed to grant freedom of movement especially critical in usually legwork-heavy duels. And here are our “battle” priests in gowns. Gowns, that manage to provide neither aforementioned advantage and downsides of both. Heh. It just bothers me too much, honestly.

I really love the flow of narration; the way that every character including antagonists has its own set of motives and reasons, even Carmilla has her own background that is convicting to justify her bitchery (Well, she has seen it before, right? And Dracula wasn’t even trying to hide his apathy, so why would she like to watch as dead man wages his hollow war)(Is it only me or Dracula shows typical signs of severe depression? Apathy, lack of strength to take any decision, not taking care of himself, loss of interest – even in his own war – well, to be honest he has a good reason to do so).

Animations. Ah, that one is unquestionably excellent, although you Powerhouse Animation guys could have make use of an additional 4-5 fps – from time to time I had a feeling that there is a cat sitting on my keyboard’s space bar, pausing and starting show over and over - it happened something like two or three times. If it comes to favorite scenes – for me, it would be first meeting and fight between Trevor and Alucard. The dialogue and music is so good at reflecting rising pressure and tension between those two – let put oneself in Trevor’s boots – just day before he was rather concerned about getting some food/drink and move on and now he is standing against something that he now considers to be last boss of his life, or perhaps not, he doesn’t even know how does Dracula looks like and he doesn’t seem to be openly aggressive, or perhaps yes, he is obviously vampire and he seems to doesn’t like Belmont name, on the other hand even lesser vampire might be not so easy foe and he is kinda out of practice, and Sypha doesn’t feel like helping out, at least for now… It is all just perfect, and the sound track alone is stuff of legends. (Season 2 OST on Spotify WHEN??”)

Second best would be first phase of Dracula fight – the way which they are team working fluently to not let eachother get killed pleases my inner maniac in best possible way, although the 1 vs 1 part is kinda downgrade - but still ok.

But there is one thing that really stands out in best possible way from things I’ve seen before and that’s utilization of facial expression and body language. Like seriously, this combined with really outstanding voice acting bring interactions between characters to another damned level. (Unfortunately, national translation and voice acting is so awful that I couldn’t bear myself to finish even first season). There are few thing I consider more important in creating credible character than combining overall expressiveness and voice acting, the ability to tell words without actually using any (Finding Ciri cinematic in Witcher 3 is perhaps best known to me example) - and Castlevania does it just soooo good.

Dracula generals. When they were shown for the first time I was like “oh boy he has summoned generals, (Generals! Master tactician, the artists of war!) the oldest, most cunning and powerful beasts from entire world, now things are going to get rough.” And how did it turned out? I can understand that Dracula tasked his forge masters with overseeing the war (Although his reasoning was kind of ok, good job Dracula for nominating for executives two people, that knew least about proceeding war) Did they were incompetent so much? Then how did they managed to get their titles, if they were just a bunch of endlessly whining mischief-makers? They were supposed to know how war looks like, and how to do one, but instead they did literally nothing for war effort! If you ask me, that is at least one risen eyebrow. Excluding Godbrand, the only member of council that did anything more than grate his teeth in silent anger, killed some civilians and got taken care of quite effortlessly. Also, Godbrand wasn’t made to be the sharpest knife in a closet, but he still was bright enough to ask himself “What will we do when we’ll win a war?” Also, he managed to notice that there were no real plan to follow... That is +1 to you Godbrand, I’ll miss you my vikingy boi. In the end, if they were meant to be just a background, they did get a little too much of screen time, and if they were not, they got faaaaaar from enough of it.

By the way – not sure if it’s only me but I personally think that Trevor might be keenest (or – at least – not dumbest) of protagonist trio. He might lack classic education, but he is careful watcher (he noticed fresh oil in torch and overall state of Alucard’s hideout), he correctly chosen and quite successfully executed strategy at Gresit square (isolate, divide and destroy) and quite steadfastly shrugged  off Alucard bickering (well, most of times). Also, his plan for battle with vampire generals was quite logical – avoid close quarter cause humans are in general more fragile than vampires, and Alucard as frontline. My inner maniac was most pleased.

As I said before, I really enjoy Castlevania’s overall character design but with an exception of bishop of Gresit. There is no reason for his work, I know that he is insane and reasoning usually does not apply to those like him but I feel like there is no reason in villainy (this entire talking about making a God’s own country – well, I don’t buy it), aside of being genuinely baaaaad, which kinda stands out in negative way in comparison to the rest of characters.

To highlight the issue, lets do some roleplaying here:

The night creatures are ravaging the land that you had sworn to protect in unholy war against humanity, killing women, men even your subordinates alike. The citizens are growing restless, and demand taking an action. How do you proceed?

a) Find the last descendant of family known for their prowess in fighting those beasts; but be wary – he doesn’t seem to like you very much after you branded him as heretic, exterminated his entire family and burned down his home (probably with some of aforementioned family still inside it). However, if you nicely ask for help, reverse the curse, apology for making mistake and return the estate it actually might work. (to be honest that could be quite interesting moral choice for Trevor, to help people of Wallachia and let bishop take all glory or decline the bishop proposition and screw people over in the process)

b) You can fight them, you are the Holy Church after all. You have access to unlimited supply of holy water, relics, you have enough money and authority to arm and train people’s militia properly. Your knowledge of those beasts might be as wide as Belmont family, but at least should be sufficient to minimalize the damage. Killing the Dracula, however, might be impossible for you.

c) You spent most of your time on biting, trashing, or looking for anyone to cast entire blame upon; it doesn’t matter who is that poor bastard as long as it is not you. In addition, you…

AAAAARGH I CAN’T CONTAIN MYSELF ANY LONGER! BROTHER, I DON’T FEEL LIKE I AM   WICKED ENOUGH! I REQUIRE TO SEE SOME SUFFERING OF INNOCENT TO FEAST UPON! WHAT DO YOU SAY, BROTHER? I CANT HEAR YOU OVER RAGE BOILING IN MY VEINS! WHAT, SPEAKERS? OF COURSE THEY WILL DO RAAAAAARRGARGAJGIOGJIHKBYIUOL

Oh well.

Well, looks like I am done here. By the way, sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker (If I’ve commited any spectacular crime against vocabulary/grammar let me know on priv).

Now I’m going back to rewatching show and torturing SoTN

No TL:DR, just read it if you want, it is not an entire book, you know.

[zackattack2995]

School Reunion: a Hogwarts Mystery story

Word Count: 4,268 words

Zack and his band, The Motionless Witch, had just finished playing their last show of the tour they were on with Weird Sisters- who had personally invited Zack’s band when they found out it was the same kid they played a gig with at Hogwarts. “I knew Rock and Roll was in yer blood- kid!” Myron, the lead singer exclaimed to Zack while the two bands were hanging out in between shows. “Yea, I got kinda burnt out from Curse Breaking when I was in Hogwarts, and I needed an outlet.” Zack confessed. “I remembered playing with you guys at Hogwarts and I realized I wanted to start a band of my own.” “Hell, I’d say you’re close to surpassing us-mate!” Kirley, the lead guitarist told Zack. “Ah, you’re too kind.” Zack replied. “We’re just having fun, and we wanna do this until we can’t anymore.” Zack was exhausted after the show, and after saying goodbye to his bandmates: Matt on lead guitar, Tyler on drums, Ricky on rhythm guitar, and Kyle, the new bass guitarist, Zack picked up his black suitcase with skulls painted on it that held his spare clothes during the tour and apparated home.

           Zack was wearing a black Weird Sisters shirt with a long sleeve fishnet top underneath, black shiny skinny jeans that had some holes in them, combat boots, and a black beanie he had thrown on. Zack’s hair was considerably longer than he had it during his time in Hogwarts and it was parted to the left side of his face, completely covering it. Zack had the right side of his hair tucked behind his ear. He had both his ears pierced with an earring that had a spiderweb design, and he had a black nose ring on the right side of his nose. He kept his trademark black eye make-up that enhanced his green eyes, and black lipstick that he started doing in his Sixth Year of Hogwarts. Zack could finally relax at home with the people he missed so incredibly much. Zack entered the house and saw his beautiful wife, Carmilla writing a manuscript for her new horror novel in the living room. “Hey DeathDoll, I’m home.” Carmilla put down her manuscript to focus her attention on the man she loved more than life itself. “Hi, babe! Welcome home!” Carmilla had decided after five years of touring as the bass player of Zack’s band, The Motionless Witch, that she wanted to become a horror novelist instead. Carmilla now had her blue hair tied in a ponytail by a black barbed wire hairband while still keeping the bangs that covered one of her silver eyes. She was wearing her black square thick rimmed glasses that she wore so that she could feel like an actual author when she writes. Carmilla got up from the coach and rushed over to Zack, she gave him a big hug and started kissing her Goth Prince. Zack embraced his vampire wife and kissed her back. “Daddy is that you?” a small voice asked. Zack looked and saw his daughter, Lilith, walking down the stairs. Lilith had black hair, like her father with blue streaks that appeared at the age of five, which her mother found to be adorable. She had heterochromia, with one eye that was green and one eye that was silver. Lilith was ten years old and would attend Hogwarts soon. “There’s my little demon!” Zack exclaimed as he picked up Lilith and did one quick spin before putting her back down. “I know you just got back, hon, but we both got a letter from Hogwarts today.” Carmilla said. “Oh? Really?” Zack asked surprised. “Yea I haven’t opened them yet, I wanted to wait for you to get home.” “Well I’m here now, let’s open them.” Zack and Carmilla both dug their black painted fingers into the wax stamped Hogwarts crest that sealed their letters and silently read its contents. “A school reunion, huh.” Zack remarked after reading his letter. “I guess that could be fun. It would be a way to check up on the gang and see what they’ve been up to for the last ten years.” “We should bring Lilith that way she can check out her school.” Carmilla said. “That’s a great idea, you’re so smart!” Zack told his wife. “Let’s go to bed, we have a big day tomorrow.” Carmilla instructed. “Alright, head to bed Lilith. Daddy and Mommy are gonna show you your school tomorrow and you’ll be able to meet our friends.” “Ok, Dad.” Lilith said, heading upstairs. “I know you’re tired from the show…” Carmilla whispered in Zack’s ear. “But how about a little encore with your biggest fan? I haven’t seen you in two weeks and I’ve been getting hot and bothered without you here.” “I think I can do three or five encores, just for you.” Zack said coyly. Carmilla purred and playfully bit Zack’s ear, Zack chased after his wife who started giggling as she ran upstairs into the bedroom. Zack furiously kissed Carmilla while she started playfully biting his neck, and Zack closed the door, locking it so that they couldn’t be disturbed.

*******************************************************

It was morning, and Zack’s black cat Jinx, was waking up the sleeping couple. It took a few nudges, but Jinx finally accomplished his job. “Morning to you too, buddy.” Zack murmured, Jinx gave a quick meow and hopped down off the bed. Zack rolled next to his sleeping wife and gave Carmilla a quick kiss. “I’ll be up in a minute, babe.” Carmilla whispered. Zack put on his Nightmare Before Christmas pajama bottoms and threw on a black hoodie and headed downstairs to make something to eat. Lilith was already at the table eating cereal. “Morning, dad.” Lilith said softly. “Morning, sweetie. Did you get enough rest?” “Yea.” “Ok, then.” Zack made himself buffalo wings to eat with ranch dipping sauce. Zack normally skipped breakfast, but he didn’t know when they would eat at the reunion- so he wanted to at least eat something before they left. “Alright guys, we gotta get changed soon.” Carmilla yawned, exposing her pointy incisor teeth, after coming downstairs. “Yea, yea, I know.” Zack replied. After he finished eating, Zack went upstairs to grab his outfit for the reunion. Zack grabbed one of his band shirts from his suitcase and threw it on. He put on a different pair of leather pants that weren’t quiet as distressed as the pair he wears on stage. Finally, Zack threw on a pair of black combat boots and a black leather jacket with spikes on it. Carmilla came into the room and started putting her outfit together. Carmilla put on a black leather corset with a long sleeve fishnet top. She had a black gothic Lolita skirt with white skulls on it. Carmilla put on a pair of black and white stripped leggings, and finished it off with black platformers. Finally, Carmilla put on her black spiky bracelets and put on her signature black choker with a silver bat attached. Zack and Carmilla head to the bathroom so that they can do their nails, makeup and hair together. Zack has both sides of his dark hair tucked behind his ears and has his black eyeliner added. Carmilla has her hair tied in her usual twintails with bangs that cover her left eye. Finally, she has her red eyeliner applied. “Alright, we’re ready to go.” Zack tells Lilith as he and Carmilla descend the stairs. Lilith is wearing a black long sleeve top with a white upside-down cross on it, a black skirt, and black combat boots. “You look so adorable!” Carmilla gushed. “You’re gonna make so many friends.” “You sure?” Lilith asked quietly. “Of course, you will.” Zack said enthusiastically. “I remember meeting my best friend, Rowan, before I even got to Hogwarts.” Zack recalled. “But don’t feel too pressured.” Carmilla explained. “I didn’t meet my best friend, Chiara, until my Fifth Year at Hogwarts. And I didn’t meet your dad until my Sixth Year.” “Yea, just go at your own pace.” Zack finished. And with that, the Ropers were off to Hogwarts.

           The Ropers finally arrived at Hogwarts, and it seemed more crowded than usual. Carmilla was shaking like a leaf as she tried to navigate the different people crowding the West Lower Floor. Zack wrapped his arm around Carmilla and kissed her on the neck to calm her down. “I didn’t think there was gonna be this much people here.” Carmilla whispered. “Yea, I don’t remember this much people here when we attended.” Everyone gathered at the Great Hall and sat at the tables. “Oh my god! Zack is that you?!” a girl’s voice shrieked excitedly. Zack turned around and saw one of his oldest friends, Penny, race over to him. Penny was wearing a one-piece suit, had on a pair of red circled rimmed glasses, with her golden hair in a ponytail and has her usual braided parts of her hair tucked behind her ears. Zack stood up and hugged Penny. “Hey, how have you been?” Zack asked. “Oh, I’ve been great!” Penny retorted. “I’m the head journalist of Romours!” “Sounds very important.” “Nah it’s no big deal. I heard you’re in a rock band though… that’s pretty cool!” “Yea, The Motionless Witch. We just finished our tour with Weird Sisters.” Zack stopped his train of thought. “Oh, I almost forgot- Penny, this is my wife, Carmilla.” “Nice to meet you.” Penny said, shaking Carmilla’s pale hand. “pleasure’s all mine.” “And who’s this little one?” “That’s our daughter, Lilith.” Zack answered. “Hi, Lilith. I’m Penny… I was a friend of your Dad’s here.” Penny explained to Lilith. Penny turned around. “Oh, hey sweet pea!” Penny exclaimed. Rowan, who appeared to have not changed at all and seen carrying a little girl that matched his appearance, approached Penny and gave her a quick kiss. “Sorry, I’m late. Dumbledore wanted to talk with me about a couple things this year, and this little one started getting aggravated.” Rowan turned around to face his best friend. “How are you doing, man?” “I’m great. It’s good to see you again.” “Same to you.” “Oh, Rowan- this is my wife, Carmilla and my daughter, Lilith.” “It’s nice to meet you guys.” Rowan said as he smiled. “This one is Kisa, she’s very outgoing- much like her mother.” Rowan put Kisa down and she approached Lilith, who was hiding behind Carmilla, staring intently at Kisa. “I’m Kisa, it’s very nice to meet you!” Kisa stuck out her hand. Lilith looked up at her mother and father. “It’s ok, you can introduce yourself.” Zack told Lilith. Zack looked at Kisa. “Sorry, she’s very shy- much like her mother.” “I’m… Lilith.” Lilith said softly. Lilith slowly crept in front of her mother and shook Kisa’s hand. “Looks like you guys are already friends.” Rowan exclaimed. “Reminds me of when I first met you before we attended Hogwarts, Zack.” “Yea, I was just telling Lilith about that before we left the house.” “Well, we should probably sit down, Dumbledore is about to give his opening ceremony speech.” With that… Zack, Carmilla, Lilith, Penny, Rowan, and Kisa sat next to each other as Dumbledore approached the podium of The Great Hall.

“It’s great to see so many new and familiar faces today, as we celebrate a time of remembrance and strengthen the bonds we first developed while walking these halls.” Dumbledore exclaimed; his booming voice reverberated the room as he spoke. “I know some were unable to attend, but those of you who were able to, I’m happy to see once again. I don’t want to take up too much of your time, so with that being said… for one last time, let the feast begin!” Dumbledore raised his arms in the air, and suddenly food appeared in front of everyone at the table. The sound of eating echoed the room and Zack started eating the country fried steak that appeared in front of him. In front of Carmilla was a steak done bloody. Zack, Carmilla, Penny, and Rowan talked amongst each other while they ate, and Zack noticed Lilith was starting to talk to Kisa more… although Kisa had to start the conversation. “There you guys are!” a voice boomed behind Zack. It was another one of his friends from Hogwarts. It was an imposing figure, but Zack knew this person had a softer side. It was Barnaby Lee, a fellow Slytherin classmate of his. Barnaby hadn’t changed one bit- except now his hair was slightly longer and was messy looking. Barnaby was carrying his plates full of food while his wife trailed behind with a bored expression on her face. “Oh my god, how are you doing Barnaby!” Penny asked excitedly. “I’m doing great.” Barnaby said with a smile on his face. “Hey, be careful babe. You’re gonna drop your food.” Barnaby’s wife, Ismelda warned. Ismelda wore a black dress with cobwebs on it, she had blood red lipstick, and her black hair was longer than when she was in Hogwarts, but kept it parted to the left side of her face. “Oh, right- sorry babe.” Barnaby apologized to his wife. “I swear babe, you can be such a handful.” Ismelda muttered. “But that’s what I love about you.” Ismelda pinched Barnaby’s cheek, and he grinned from ear to ear. “Hey, isn’t that Chiara and Jae?” Rowan asked. Sure enough, Chiara and Jae were approaching the group hand in hand. “Oh, my goodness, Carmi! You look absolutely gorgeous!” Chiara complemented Carmilla. “Oh, thanks Chi!” Carmilla beamed. “Do you know where the others are?” Zack asked Jae, who wore a dirty suit and robe, and a gold scarf. “I know Tonks is here somewhere. Bill and Charlie couldn’t make it. Not sure about Merula. Diego- Mr. Bachelor is throwing a party at his place, and I believe Ben and Badeea said they’d be unable to attend. Something about presenting art pieces to muggles.” “That does sound like them.” Barnaby responded with food in his mouth. “Wotcher! How’s the gang doing?!” Tonks asked, pushing someone aside to their annoyance, to sit next to Zack. Tonk’s pink hair was longer and down to her shoulders. But her wicked smile was unmistakable. Tonks was joined by Tulip who had her red hair cut shorter with small bangs parted to the right. “Well, well, well, if it isn’t the big rock star in our group of misfits.” Tonks said, greeting Zack. “C’mon, I’m not that big of a deal.” “Modest as ever.” Tulip remarked, shaking her head. “Don’t mind her- she’s become all Miss Serious Assistant Manager.” Tonks told Zack. “I’ll have you know, I’m Assistant Manager of Zonkos! So, I can still have some fun.” Tulip argued. “Let’s go around and tell each other what we’ve been up to for the past ten years.” Rowan instructed the group. Zack explained that he was the lead singer of his band, The Motionless Witch. Carmilla explained that she wrote horror novels now. Tonks explained that she got the job as an Auror. Barnaby excitedly explained that he became a magizoologist. Ismelda told the group she became an executioner. Chiara explained that she was a healer who specializes in werewolf needs. Finally, Jae explained that he works as salesman that sells contraband items in Knockturn Alley. “What about you?” Zack asked Rowan. “Oh, I took up the position of teaching History of Magic here.” Rowan explained. “No way!” Barnaby exclaimed. “Wasn’t it your dream to be a Professor here?” Tonks inquired. “Yea, Dumbledore said that Professor Binns wasn’t quite garnering the student’s attention, so he wanted me to teach during Summer Break as a test run, and he liked the results.” “I couldn’t be prouder of him.” Penny retorted. “That means you’ll be teaching Lilith this year.” Carmilla noted. “Yea, you’ll be the best teacher ever- I know you will!” Barnaby shouted excitedly. “What about you, Penny? Didn’t you say you were a Head Journalist, or something?” Zack asked. “Well, it’s kinda complicated.” Penny started, before she could give an answer, an ominous dark shape appeared before her… it was Severus Snape. “A pleasure to see you again, Miss Haywood.” Snape remarked. “Actually, it’s Miss Khana now, Professor.” Penny corrected. “Please, as one of my best students- you don’t need to call me Professor anymore, Miss Khana.” Snape retorted. “I wondered… why is it that you didn’t pursue the field of Potions further, outside of your time in Hogwarts?” Snape asked Penny. Penny blushed, this is what she was about to tell the group, but now she’d have to explain it to her favorite Professor. “Well, you see… I was originally going to work in the Potions field, but there wasn’t any room in that field to grow- so I worked at Rumours! instead. I became a head journalist, but I still craft some potions on the side.” “Ahh, I see.” Snape murmured. Snape glanced at Zack and frowned. “Is that a picture of me on your shirt, Mr. Roper?” Snape asked Zack. Zack looked down at the shirt from his suitcase he threw on and looked back at his former Professor. “Why yes, it is, Professor. It’s one of my band’s merch and the kids have been loving it. You like it?” “Mr. Roper, I’ve always had a mixed relationship with you. There’s been times where I could see your full potential, and other times where I couldn’t think any lower of you. You’ve always wondered why I’ve been so tough on you… wonder no more. You never cease to astound me.” With that, Snape left the group to join the other Professors at the front of the Great Hall. “Well, that went well.” Tulip joked. Tonks started giggling, and the whole group followed.

           After finishing their food, the group decided they wanted to explore the castle one last time. “Wait, honey- perhaps we should have someone watch after the kids.” Carmilla told Zack, referring to Lilith and Kisa. “Don’t worry, I got this.” Rowan explained. “Excuse me, Professor!” Rowan caught the attention of the Charms Professor and Frog Choir Instructor, Professor Flitwick- who looked as jolly as ever. “Yes, Mr. Khana?” “We were thinking about exploring the castle one last time, and was wondering if you could watch over Kisa and Lilith?” “As one of my fellow colleagues, and former star pupils, I’d love to!” “Thanks, Professor!” “Please, call me Filius.” With that, the group were off. The group chuckled and laughed as they raced across the halls, memories of their former exploits circled back as if it had only happened yesterday. Finally, Zack and Carmilla would give the group a look into a world only they knew: The Astronomy Tower’s observation deck. “This is where it happened.” Zack explained to the group. “This is where my life changed forever. This was right after I hung out with Tonks, Tulip, and Penny after Merula dumped me for Jacob- and I met the love of my life.” “I still replay that moment in my head.” Carmilla added. “along with other memories we shared here.” “Oh really? Like what?” Penny asked curiously. “Well…” Zack began. “This was the spot where I finally asked Carmilla out, because I knew she was the one for me. We danced here and had our first kiss.” “That’s so sweet!” Chiara cooed. “Jeez, well if it’s that romantic of a spot, then I guess this is where y’all had sex for the first time too- ain’t it?” Tonks asked jokingly. However, both Zack and Carmilla immediately blushed and looked away from the group. “We... didn’t…” Carmilla whispered. “We totally did not.” Zack stammered. “They totally did.” Ismelda whispered to Barnaby. “Blimey! That must’ve been really uncomfortable, Zack!” Barnaby exclaimed. “Would you guys just shut up?!” Zack scolded the group as they laughed at him. “Ok guys, I think we picked on them enough.” Tulip said. “We should probably head back to The Great Hall.” Rowan added. With that, the group navigated the spiraling stairs of the Astronomy Tower back to the Castle Grounds. “I can’t wait for our kids to start attending classes together.” Penny exclaimed. Before Zack could answer, a dark cloud shot down from the sky and struck Zack, pinning him against the brick wall of the castle. “Babe!” Carmilla shouted. The dark cloud cleared to reveal a woman clad in a black cloak. She had long messy brown hair with a blonde streak in the front of her hair. Her violet eyes filled with hate as she glared at Zack. “Nice, to see you- Merula. It’s been a while.” “I wish I could say the same about you, Roper.” Merula pulled out her wand and pointed it to Zack’s throat. The group all pulled out their wands and pointed it at Merula. “This doesn’t involve any of you!” Merula snarled at the group. “Just him!” “I see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, Merula. How is it following in your parent’s footstep, and becoming a Death Eater?” “Well, well, well, Mr. Rock Star- I’m flattered you kept tabs on me.”  “kinda hard not to, you’re pretty sloppy compared to your folks.” “Well, none of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t made that choice.” Merula fired back. Zack became pale. Zack knew what she was referring to, but he couldn’t believe that it had that kind of domino effect. “You think I would’ve forgotten, but I didn’t.” Merula hissed. “And I’ll never forgive you. You took the one thing I had going in my life away from me!” “Merula enough!” Zack and Merula turned to see an unusual sight: Ismelda was in front of the group standing up to Merula. Ismelda had a serious look on her face and her fists were clenched. Ismelda’s whole time she was in Hogwarts, she let Merula push her around- but they weren’t in Hogwarts anymore, and Ismelda had enough of Merula. Merula cackled at the sight of her old friend defying her. “Look at you! Ever since you got attatched to Puffskein Brains, you’ve gotten soft.” “No, I just got tired of your bullshit.” “Whatever, not like you weren’t the first friend of mine to stab me in the back. Right, Lee? Karasu?” Merula looked back at Zack. “This isn’t over… next time we meet, you’re dead.” Merula warned Zack. With that, Merula turned into a black cloud and shot back up to the sky. Carmilla ran up to Zack. “Oh my god, honey are you ok?!” “Yea, I’m fine.” Zack told his wife. “I love it when you get all feisty, Izzy!” Barnaby exclaimed, hugging his wife. “I told you not to call me that in front of anyone!” Ismelda scolded Barnaby as she blushed. “Guys, I have to tell you something.” Zack told the group. He knew it wouldn’t be right to keep his friends in the dark, they’d be wondering what Merula was talking about and he wanted to be the one to tell them. “In the last Cursed Vault… R held you guys and Jacob hostage.” Zack explained. “I was forced to make a choice. I had to choose who got to leave the Vault, you guys or my brother.” Zack was getting choked up. This was the first time he had told anyone since he told his wife after Hogwarts. The group looked at him intently. “My brother looked me in the eyes and apologized because he knew. He told me the one regret he had was the fact that he couldn’t be the brother I needed him to be. I killed him by choosing to spare you guys!” Zack burst into tears. The pain of reliving this moment was killing him. Carmilla hung onto Zack and comforted him by resting her head against his chest. “I’m so sorry guys! I should’ve told you! I wanted to act like everything was fine- but it’s not… it’s been Hell! All the songs I’ve written have been about him in some compacity!” Penny walked over to her weeping best friend. “We don’t blame you, Zack. You were presented with an impossible choice, and you chose the best one you could.” The group followed and gave Zack a group hug. “Hang in there, Zack. Merula is just trying to play mind games with you.” Ismelda advised Zack. Zack wiped the tears from his face and smiled at his friends. “I don’t know what I’d do without you guys!” The group returned to The Great Hall and all said their goodbyes. “Let me know when your next book is out, Carmi! I’d love to buy it!” Chiara told her vampire friend. “You’ll be the first to know.” Carmilla smiled back at her werewolf friend. Zack and Carmilla grabbed Lilith and waved goodbye to Rowan, Penny, and Kisa. “So, you excited to start taking classes with your new friend?” Carmilla asked her daughter. “Yea, she’s nice.” Lilith answered softly. “We’re both so proud of you, Lilith.” Zack told his daughter. “At least we don’t have to worry about Merula having a kid- Lilith definitely wouldn’t have gotten along with them.” Carmilla told her husband. “I wouldn’t quiet rule that out yet. I had my own share of enemies at Hogwarts. But if Lilith surrounds herself with great, positive friends- she won’t have to worry too much about that.” Zack mused.  For the first time, Zack and Carmilla were looking straight to the future- not for themselves, but for their daughter. And the future was as bright as the stars they saw when they stargazed together for the fist time.

END

[superfitfor50]

All the Feels from LFF2019

It’s going to take me a very long time to process this weekend. I had a wonderful time in general and I know that this wasn’t the case for everyone, and some people had a very different experience, but in my opinion, honestly, for a second try, this was pretty good.

I’m Hollstein trash.  I make no excuses for the Hollstein-centric nature of this post.  I love Wynonna Earp and every interaction I had with Mel, Kat and Dom was lovely, but I am Elise and Natasha all the way and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

Firstly, it is important to note that this is not ClexaCon. I repeat, this is NOT ClexaCon. The vibe of LoveFanFest was very different.  For a start, it’s smaller. It’s not based ‘in town’ and the number of guests and panels is very limited.  Nevertheless, I do think that it has a place in the con calendar.

Panels – these come with a caveat that this con is based in Spain so yes, some of the panels will be in Spanish.  They did very well translating as they went along but if you want a panel to be smooth, then it’s not the greatest.  But I didn’t mind.  It was interesting to hear from actors that were not English speaking and have very different experiences in their home country within the industry.

The English panels (Wayhaught, Hollstein, Purgatory and Mel) were not moderated and it was awkward…but I could listen to Mel, Dom, Kat, Natasha and Elise practically all day so the fact that they had free reign didn’t bother me.  At all. One of the highlights was a fan who had devised a game where each actor had to remember the ‘next line’ in their dialogue when they were given a cue line by the other one.  Well done Wayhaught, shame on you Hollstein. Great fun though and you have to bear in mind some of these lines were recorded five years ago and, unlike us, the actors don’t have Carmilla on repeat continuously, every week!

I said earlier that it would take me a while to process everything from this weekend.  I think the reason for that was because I was basically surrounded by Hollstein all weekend.  I bought so many experiences with them that now, looking back, I’m wondering if it was too much.  Meals, M&Gs, photos, autographs.  There was a sad kind of desperation in it, as if I was trying to say, FOR GOD’S SAKE NOTICE ME!! I won’t be doing that again. I bought this con before I went to ClexaCon and at the time I thought it was going to be the only Con I was going to attend. That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it. But what it’s done is make things ten times worse for me, because now I am sitting here, and I won’t see them again until CarmillaCon (another Con I didn’t know was going to happen when I bought the ticket) and my heart is breaking because these two women are among some of my favourite people in the world.

If you look on Twitter you will see that there’s been a lot said already about what the Hollstein ‘girls’ got up to but here are a few of my personal favourites:

·       Elise trying her stand up out on us.  I won’t give anything away but she’s right, she is funny. Plus she came up with an idea in her M&G and I hope it makes it into her set.

·       Natasha admitting that she couldn’t see any of us in her M&G because she forgot her glasses so she got up and personally shook hands with everyone and got us to introduce ourselves to her.

·       Elise mishearing it when I said she could be the ‘fun aunt’ for Natasha’s baby (!) and her thinking that I said she could be ‘fodder’ and Natasha bringing it up with me later and saying it was funny.

·       Natasha loving my comment about my wife and I and our technology incompatibility and me saying that she could use it for her merch if she wanted.

·       Me blowing Natasha’s mind (her words) because I taught her how to convert Centigrade to Fahrenheit in her head.

·       My selfie with Elise.  I absolutely hate myself in all photos and I absolutely love us in this. When I showed it to someone she said we looked like a couple and this was NOT my intention, but it made me feel very warm and fuzzy inside.

·       I feel the same about one of my photos with her too. It’s just a lovely picture and she snuggled into me when we took it and my heart melted. OK so I may have developed a little crush…

·       Natasha – that’s all.

·       When Elise was talking about ‘signs’ and looked up and said, OK I got it, thanks’ and Natasha looked down and said the same thing.

·       The interaction between Mel and Natasha at lunch, specifically talking about their night out the night before, when Natasha said that as an Aries and a Sagittarius they would be a disaster together (socially), too fiery and rowdy, but only to a certain point obviously because they are, after all, still Canadians.

·       Natasha’s reaction to the gift that I bought her from The Neon Museum in Vegas because I knew she didn’t have time to go when she was there, so I picked her something up from the gift shop.  Her face. Bless her…then her saying that I always spoil her, which is definitely not the case because it’s the first thing I’ve given her but it’s cute that she said it anyway.

·       Telling Elise that there was a Neon Museum in Vegas and her reaction to that, (amazement and disbelief).

·       Natasha saying that ‘firstly, you are not horribly old’.

·       Elise sharing her pride experience with us, which was so touching and vulnerable and sad, but also full of love and friends.  OK OK, I definitely have a crush.

So, this is obviously some very personal experiences, that others will not share but I think it’s important to also share some experiences that maybe, had I not had so many positive experiences, would have tainted my trip.

·       Being told that I couldn’t go into the autograph hall because I didn’t have a ticket, even though I just wanted to be there to support a friend.

·       Being shouted at because I went to a window (it might have been a door) on the first floor to look out of it. It wasn’t cordoned off, there were no ‘no entry’ signs but, apparently, I overstepped some invisible mark.

·       Being asked to leave the area where breakfast was going to be but not politely and then being escorted to ‘make sure’ we left. (We all had breakfast tickets and, again, no cordons or no entry signs).

·       The intimidating ‘Staff’ who looked like machine gun toting Israeli army recruits and had an attitude to match.

I am not a con expert and everyone has a different experience.  This is my personal one. I’ve heard some horrifying stories, but this was not my experience.  I am sorry for anyone who felt cheated in some way because their expectations and experiences were different. No con is perfect.  Everyone needs to learn and what happens now, what Love Fan Fest learn from the feedback they are given, will be infinitely more important than the praise they receive.

I need to stop babbling but I can not go without a few words about the people I met on a personal level, to those who made sure I was OK, that I was eating, who spent time with me, who hugged me when I cried, who watched football with me, who opened their heart to me (my favourite kind of conversation), who made me laugh, and who made my weekend so special, and one I will remember for a long time.  Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.  It would not have been the same without you.

Until next time….

[kumeko]

moonlight sonata

Characters/Pairings: Corrin, Azura

A/N: Written for the @rallyspectrumzine. I love these two together. They have such a good rapport. Deeprealm question I just realized--did they bring caretakers from their world to those worlds? which makes those caretakers older than any friends on this side? 

Summary: All of her friends and family were pairing off and Corrin suddenly understood intimately what a third wheel felt like. Fortunately, Azura looked like she was in the same boat.

…

…

…

…

A twig snapped and Corrin whipped her head, looking over her shoulder into the gloom of the forest behind her. In the starlight, the forest looked more ominous than usual, as though any manner of beast or monster could spring out of it. Her hand rested on her sword and she tensed, ready to leap up at the first sign of the enemy. “Who’s there?”

“It’s me.” Azura slowly stepped out of the shadows, her hands in front of her. Her robes flowed around her, a cool breeze from the lake ruffling through them. A nervous smile flitted over her lips as she approached Corrin. “Sorry to scare you.”

“Oh.” With a sigh, Corrin relaxed, slouching forward. To be honest, they were deep in Nohrian territory, so it would have been odd to find a Hoshidian on a dock by an unknown pond. With all that happened recently though, she was on edge and it felt like every time she tried to relax, something new and terrible happened. “It’s fine.”

“It’s odd to find you here.” The wooden dock creaked as Azura got closer. It rocked gently with each movement. She clasped her hands behind her back, looking up at the moon. “Usually, I am the one sitting by the water.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” Corrin laughed, glancing up at Azura. Even their positions were switched but Corrin didn’t want to get up. Her feet skimmed the cold water as she grounded her hands on the wood and leaned back, staring up at the moon as well. The stars glinted brightly against the black sky, millions of jewels trapped in the darkness. “Though I finally get why you come here.”

“You do?” Azura looked down, surprised. She brushed a stray hair behind her ear as a breeze rustled her veil.

“Yeah.” Corrin looked down into the water, her toe gingerly touching her reflection. Ripples distorted her murky image and she watched her face changed into something unfamiliar. “It’s very peaceful here.”

“It is.” Carefully pinching the edges of her skirt, Azura lifted the hem as she gracefully sat down next to her. It was the dancer in her, almost all of her movements looked elegant. “I like to gather my thoughts next to the water. I feel like it gives a sense of clarity.”

“It’s also quieter than the camp.” Rubbing her neck, Corrin glanced back again. While they were too far to spot the fires or hear the general ruckus of their army, she could barely make out a plume of smoke in the night sky. “Especially with all the new recruits.”

“They are a little…unruly,” Azura admitted, carefully picking her words. It was the closest to disdain or annoyance that Corrin had ever seen from her. “But I think they just miss their parents. After a few days with them, I’m sure they’ll settle down.”

“Parents,” Corrin repeated, rolling the word in her mouth. It felt strange, foreign, no matter how many times she repeated it. “I can’t believe Xander is father. Or Carmilla. Leo. Even Elise—she’s younger than me, you know?” She turned to Azura, gesturing her hands in disbelief. “How did she get married before me?”

“…even in love, there’s an element of chance?” Azura answered, unsure. She rested her cheek on a hand, crossing her other arm to cup her elbow. “Though I do understand the feeling. I can only imagine the same thing is happening over there—that Sakura, Hinako, or even Takumi is married.”

“Takumi?” Corrin snorted. Her shoulders shook as she tried to imagine it—she had only known her blood-brother for days, but it didn’t take more than a few hours to see just how hard he was to handle. “Who would marry him?”

“Umm…” Azura opened her mouth before hastily shutting it. Her fingers tapped her cheek while she scanned the darkness around them, as though the answer would emerge just as she had. With a sheepish smile, she suggested, “Maybe one of his retainers? They’re fond of him.”

Corrin looked at her incredulously. “Fond.”

“…well, Orboro shares his hatred for Nohrians?” As Corrin continued to stare at her, Azura giggled, covering her mouth. She ducked her head and admitted, “He will have a hard time.”

“That’s an understatement,” she corrected. Especially considering the hate he carried now; the last time they met—but no, she didn’t want to dwell on her regrets. On her losses. There was plenty of time to think of them in the future. Leaning back, she bemoaned to the stars, “It’s just so weird.”

Azura laughed into her hand once more, muffling the sound. It was a rare sight normally, and somehow Corrin managed to squeeze it out of her twice. “It is.”

Corrin beamed, glad that someone agreed with her for once. Especially since it was Azura—ever since they met, she’d felt a connection with her; like they were kindred spirits. Well, they did have a lot in common: both kidnapped in childhood and raised in a different kingdom, both had strange powers, both of their homelands felt like a stranger’s place.

Perhaps, in this one other thing, they shared similar feelings. Nervous, Corrin dipped a toe in the water, drawing a small circle on the surface. Fireflies floated over the watery depths, their lights pinpricks on the dark waters. “You haven’t married yet. Have you…found someone?”

“Huh?” Azura stared at her for a long moment, before averting her gaze. Her fingers fiddled with the edge of her veil. “No…I’m embarrassed to admit it, but unlike our siblings, I haven’t.”

“Me neither.” Corrin focused on the ripples extending from where her toe touched the water. She remembered the first time she’d spotted Azura by the water, looking more like a spirit than a human. “If Leo could do it, I’m sure Takumi can, but I…” The words were caught in her throat and fear ran through her. Her fingers curled, digging into the wooden deck.

Courage. She needed courage. The wind died, as though a hush had fallen over the world. Even the crickets and owls fell silent. It felt like they were in that other world, in that land that only Azura and she could go to. A place where it was only them, where no one else could overhear. Before she could stop herself, Corrin blurted, “I don’t think I can.”

“Can what?” Azura asked, cocking her head curiously. She leaned closer, brushing a stray lock behind her ear.

“Can…get married…” Corrin mumbled, flushing red. Her skin burned as Azura watched her silently. With each word, her voice got quiet and quieter. “Or…you know…do…it.”

Gods, this was a bad idea and she regretted it immediately. It was worse than fighting a battle or any of the other stupid challenges her father had given her. Hell, she’d rather get shoved off a bridge again or fight Takumi at his angriest. Quickly, she started to get up. “Never mind, I should head back, just forget it—”

Before she could pull her legs in, Azura grabbed her arm, freezing her in place. Her fingers dug into Corrin’s skin. “Don’t go. I…I understand.”

Corrin’s jaw dropped, not believing her ears. “You…what?”

“I understand.” Azura nodded shyly, letting go now. She flushed, embarrassed at the attention. “I…also feel that way.”

Dropping back onto the dock, Corrin landed a little harder than she expected and fell backwards. Her back hit the wooden planks hard, knocking the wind out of her, but Azura’s declaration had already done that. She gaped up at Azura. “Seriously?”

“Seriously,” Azura repeated, reaching down to help her up.

Corrin grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly. Even after she sat up, she didn’t let go. “I…I thought I was alone in that. Everyone else talked about love and romance and I…I don’t know. I just never felt it. I thought maybe I just hadn’t met someone but…you feel it too.” She smiled brightly, elated. “You feel it too.”

There was something magical about the word ‘too’. Something utterly magical. A signal that she wasn’t alone. A sign that there were others.

That there was someone else out there who was just like her. Corrin leaned back, kicking her feet excitedly in front of her. She could take on any of her father’s ridiculous challenges tomorrow. Hell, she could fight a dragon if he asked.

“I’m…I’m just so happy,” Corrin chirped, bumping shoulders with her. Now that it was off her chest, a fountain of questions bubbled out from her. “When did you know?”

“Huh?” Azura had never been the most forthcoming person in the first place, but faced with an over eager Corrin, she had little room to evade. “I…I don’t know…I don’t think I really realized it until I came here and saw…well, all of the couples and their romances.”

“I think I kinda always knew.” Corrin splashed her feet slowly in the water, shivering as the cold droplets hit her ankles. “I was never really interested when I was younger and thought that, well, one day I might get interested. That maybe it was an adult thing. And then that one day never came.”

“That sounds just like you.” Azura smiled softly.

“I guess.” Biting her lip, Corrin frowned as she considered it. “I didn’t really think of war or what our two countries were up to or anything, really, until I experienced it first.” As realization dawned, her shoulders sank. No wonder her siblings had treated her like a child. “I’m a dense idiot.”

“It’s not that bad!” Azura patted her back consolingly.

Corrin shot her a baleful glare.

“It is that bad,” she amended quickly, interlacing her fingers on her lap. Azura smiled bashfully. “But that attitude of yours helped me a lot. I…I don’t feel quite as alone when I’m with you.”

Alone. Loneliness. Corrin peeked at her friend’s silhouette—it was another thing she hadn’t really thought about up to this moment, but Azura was alone here. Her siblings, blood-related or not, were back in Hoshido. Elise was the only one of Corrin’s siblings that accepted Azura with open arms.

To be alone in a crowd. It was what Corrin had felt when she had gone to Hoshido. It was what she felt while surrounded by all these couples. It was what Azura was feeling right now, in a land that was not her own, without a familiar face to seek refuge with.

Reaching out, she grabbed one of Azura’s hands and squeezed it tightly. “No, you’re not alone. From now on, neither of us are. And if there’s anything else that’s bothering you, you can tell me.”

Surprised, Azura stared at her for a long moment. Her free hand reached up to her pendant, glittering from the moonlight. Gripping it, she nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Somehow, that didn’t feel right. In the moonlight, Azura looked ethereal. Like the water that Azura loved so much, she felt just as translucent. It was hard to pin her, to understand what lay hidden behind her half-moon smiles and hooded eyes. It scared Corrin.  All it would take was a single touch and Azura would disappear in the ripples. Desperately, she repeated, gripping Azura’s hand even tighter, “Anything at all. We’re friends, right?”

“Friends,” Azura echoed quietly. She glanced down at Corrin’s hand and her expression softened. Delicately, she turned her hand over and grasped back. She looked lost for words, her voice cracking. “That’s…I…thank you.”

And it wasn’t enough—Corrin could still feel the wall, even if she couldn’t see it. But it was a start; it had to be a start. One day, just like how she’d confessed her secret, Azura would confess hers.

For today, though, this was enough. Leaning back on the dock, she crossed her arms and rested her head on her palms. With a mischievous grin, she peeked at Azura. “So…do you really think Takumi’s married?”

Azura laughed and that was three times today that Corrin managed to steal one out of her.

[twilightmademegay]

I wrote Bella*/Edythe fanfiction

And now all you nerds get to read it. Enjoy. Give me your thoughts.

*Bella does not physically appear in this, it’s mostly about Edythe’s gaywakening.

I had heard a boy, a few high schools back, refer to me as “Snow White”. It made me laugh at the time, how this human could compare me to a dainty, helpless princess when I was perfectly capable of crushing his windpipe in one hand, if I so desired. It didn’t offend me, though. Snow White was a far kinder nickname than Ice Princess. That was a title bestowed upon me far more often.

    Either one’s fitting, I thought to myself, smiling bitterly. It was clear to me now, as I lay buried in a snowbank, that the comparisons they drew were more accurate than I cared to admit. My skin was freezing, especially now that it had acclimated to the air around me. It was also pale, and even sparkled like snow in the sunlight.

    Sighing, I ran my hands through the powder around me. It was soft, fresh and actually sort of calming. With nothing for company but the stars and some scattered pines, it was easy to forget my reason for coming here.

Well, maybe not that easy. I couldn’t stop picturing her face. Her deep chocolate eyes that betrayed thoughts I longed to hear for myself. How they filled with terror when she saw the monster she’d made of me.

I growled quietly, particles of snow puffing up into the air as I quickly flipped onto my side. It wasn’t fair. I had lived for a century and this human girl, this insignificant child, would be the one to ruin me. There wasn’t even anything special about her.

That’s a lie, I reminded myself, and you know it. Her silent mind had intrigued me at first, yes, but any curiosity was swiftly blotted out by her cloyingly sweet scent, how I so desperately wanted to sink my teeth into her lovely neck and taste-

I sat up immediately, taking deep breaths of the fresh air. She’s not here now. It’s over. You’re fine. I was not fine. I could easily run back to Forks tonight, climb through her bedroom window and take what the monster inside me craved. Even the memory of her smell was enough to make my throat burn with desire, to make my fingers twitch in impatience. It would be so easy. But I knew I couldn’t go through with it. Just imagining the disappointment on Carlisle’s face, not to mention Esme…

I groaned. I needed to compose myself. Just look at you! Obsessing over Bella Swan like every mouth breathing boy at your school. Where’s your dignity, Edythe? It wasn’t that I couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. She was beautiful, in her way. She had an… interesting face, all sharp contrasts. Delicate bone structure, but wide eyes, full lips. Her skin was almost as pale as mine, but her hair was a deep brown, even darker than her eyes. I chuckled softly. With that coloring, maybe she was Snow White. But what would that make me? The evil queen? I certainly couldn’t be prince charming. Mike Newton was already vying for that role, as irritating as his attempts were. When we first came to Forks his constant and often vulgar thoughts about me had been an annoyance, though nothing I wasn’t already used to. But when I recalled the way he thought about Bella, a dark feeling came over me. Jealousy, my mind supplied easily, but I dismissed the notion. I would never harbor anything short of resentment for Mike Newton, so what was there to be jealous of?

The sound of snow crunching in the distance brought me out of my musings. Tobias, no doubt, coming to find where I’d run off to. I cringed. He was nice enough, but his interest in me was obvious, even without the glimpses I had into his head. The feeling was not mutual, but I still felt bad every time I brushed off his advances.

“Ah, Edythe!” He exclaimed once he drew nearer. “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“Hello, Tobias.” I smiled faintly as he took a seat next to me.

What is she doing all the way out here?

“I don’t know,” I replied, shrugging. “Sometimes it’s nice to be alone with my thoughts.” I added the last part hoping he’d take the hint. He didn’t.

I always forget you can do that! “My sisters told me to leave you alone, but you seemed upset, so…” He trailed off, and I didn’t bother with a reply, choosing to look up at the stars instead. I should ask her what’s bothering her.

He took a breath. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I interjected before he could ask the question out loud. “It’s nothing.” He scoffed.

“Are you sure? Because it doesn’t sound like nothing. You even have this little crease between your eyebrows.” He reached out slowly, like he wanted to smooth it out, but I threw some snow at him before he could. He laughed, shaking his long blond hair out and hitting me in the face. I glowered at him. “Oh, come on, Edythe. Lighten up, will you? There must be something that’s bothering you.”

“Besides you, you mean?” I grumbled. He simply held up a finger, stroking his chin in thought.

Then his eyes lit up. “Oh! Is it boy trouble? Finally found someone special back home?”

I had never been more grateful that I’d lost all ability to blush. “No, Tobias. No one back home.” I tried to ignore the hopeful tone his thoughts took on after that.

Here goes nothing. “Don’t worry. I know you’ve only got eyes for me.” He grinned widely at me, confident and smug, but I simply stared back at him, unimpressed. He deflated a little, averting his gaze.

“In all seriousness, Edythe…” He sighed, then looked back at me. You know how I feel about you. Just give me a chance. Please.

This was why he always made me feel guilty. Beneath all the bravado, he was earnest. A good man. But not one I could ever want.

“I’m sorry, Tobias.” His eyes saddened. “Look, you surely must know that you’re a wonderful person, and incredibly handsome, too. You’ll find somebody that will love you, I’m sure of it. It just won’t be me.”

He smiled ruefully. You know I had to try. No hard feelings, honest.

“If it makes you feel any better,” I added, “It’s not just you. I’ve never felt that way about any man.”

Huh. His mind suddenly filled with thoughts of Rosalie and Eleanor. “Maybe you should stop trying to find a man, then.”

I furrowed my brow at him in confusion, looking into his mind to see why he put a slight emphasis on man, but he shook his head at me and smirked. Good night, Edythe, he thought, before singing some pop song loudly in his head to drown out his thoughts as he ran away.

I flopped back down into the snow once he was out of sight. Well, that was weird. What did he mean by “stop trying to find a man”? Maybe he was telling me to resign myself to a life of loneliness? As if I hadn’t already come to that conclusion long ago. And why would he be thinking of Rose and El? What did they have to do with my inability to find-

“Oh!” I gasped, sitting bolt upright. He must have assumed… My sisters had always preferred women, and they found happiness in each other. Did he think that I? No. No, that was preposterous. I didn’t have any aversion to it as a concept, even I wasn’t that old fashioned. The love between Rosalie and Eleanor had always seemed so natural to me, so right, that I could never understand why some people resented it. But for me? I was over a hundred years old, wouldn’t I have figured that part of myself out by now? No, Tobias was wrong. I just hadn’t found anyone that I liked, that was all.

    I slowly lowered myself back down. It was only natural that Tobias had come to that conclusion. I had, after all, just told him that I had never been interested in a man. But that wasn’t just to spare his feelings, even if that was my intention in saying it. I thought back on all of the men I had met over my many years, and not one of them jumped out at me as a romantic interest. I couldn’t even recall a passing attraction.

    My thoughts then turned to Tobias. He was objectively gorgeous, perfect, like all of those who shared our condition. I imagined he was also quite handsome in life. Tall, broad shouldered, a kind face. If any man were fit to be my mate, it was Tobias. And yet, he stirred nothing within me. But his sister Irina, on the other hand…

    I shook myself. Stop. What are you thinking? Clearly, my mind only went down this path because Tobias had planted the idea in my head. I shouldn’t have even entertained the possibility. Of course, Irina was beautiful. It was just as objective a fact for her as it was for Tobias. But did I give Tobias a second look? Did I look over his body like my eyes roamed across the sharp lines of Irina’s collarbones, the dip of her spine. Did my gaze ever rest a moment too long on his mouth?

    This time, I stood up. I began to pace back and forth, so quickly that I ran ruts into the snowdrift. I had no romantic feelings for Irina. I did not feel devotion for her like Carlisle felt for Esme, I did not desire to protect her like Jasper did with Alice. I did not look at her with the same soft eyes that Eleanor had for Rosalie. I was not in love with her, of that that much I was certain. But lust? Simple attraction?

    I abruptly stopped moving. “Oh, my God.” I breathed. “I’m gay.”

    Before I registered what I was doing, I was already running south. I thought about the pretty girls who would approach me every time we moved to a new school. How pleased I was that they wanted to be my friend. I realized now that it was much more than that. I remembered the time I found a copy of Le Fanu’s Carmilla at the library and read it three times a night, every night for a month, and how I bought my own copy that was now heavily marked up. It was the only piece of vampire fiction I had ever enjoyed. Perhaps I had seen myself in it?

    I stopped about fifty miles north of Seattle and leaned against a tree. It occurred to me that I was on my way back home, most likely to inform my family of my revelation. They were the people I cherished most in this existence, and I desperately wanted to share my discovery with them. I especially wanted to talk to Rose and El, the two people in the world that would understand this best.

    But oh, I had almost forgotten why I wasn’t at home in the first place. Bella Swan. I ground my teeth in frustration. Was one girl really going to keep me from my family? At a time like this? No. I was a lot of things, yes, but not a coward. I would not allow her to keep me from where I belonged.

    So what if she smelled delicious? I had plenty of experience keeping my thirst under control. So long as I avoided her like the plague she was, I wouldn’t be tantalized by the perfume of her blood, the inviting rosiness of her cheeks, the aggravating silence of her thoughts… I could make it through another year or two before we moved on, and she could continue with her mundane human life. Maybe she’d even marry that loathsome Mike Newton.

    There it was again. That pang of jealousy.

    But suddenly, I understood it.

    “Oh, shit.” No, I could not even consider that right now. It could only be a passing attraction, like Irina. Perhaps the mystery of her mind and her mouthwatering scent had mixed together and caused some sort of confusion with my feelings. I could not afford to like Bella Swan. And neither, quite frankly, could she afford any further attention from me.

    In any case, it was a problem for later. Right now, I needed to go home.

    It wasn’t long before I reached the house. I slowed to a stop as I got to the end of our long driveway and found Alice waiting for me on our front steps. She sprung to her feet as I approached, smiling and throwing her arms around me.

    I am so proud of you. I love you so much. She pulled away, but still held me by my shoulders. And I missed you. Are you going to stay this time?

    “I think so, Alice. I hope I can, at least.”

    Wonderful! She grinned, exuberant. Now, don’t let me keep you. You have some news to deliver.

    “You didn’t already tell them?” I asked.

    “Of course not,” she laughed. “You only get to come out to them once. I could never take that from you.”

    I would have had tears in my eyes, were I still able to cry. I pulled her into another crushing hug. “Thank you.”

    She giggled, pushing me towards the door. Go on!

    I decided to start with my father. He was my creator, in a sense, so it felt right to tell him first. I knocked gently on his office door.

    “Come in.” Carlisle looked up from his desk as I entered. “Oh, Edythe! Welcome home.”

    His thoughts were a mixture of relief to see me back safe and worry for the reasons I had left in the first place. He had already made up his mind to move the family if need be, which made me wince. I hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

    “It’s good to be home. Listen, Dad, I’m here because there’s something I need to tell you.”

    He looked closer at my eyes and I saw a flash of relief in his mind when he realized they were not the brilliant crimson he had feared. He had thought, briefly, that I’d given in and murdered the girl. I couldn’t say I blamed him, though his ready forgiveness for my imagined sin almost shamed me more than his anger would have. It strengthened my resolve to do nothing that he needed to forgive.

    “No, it’s not-” I paused, taking a deep breath I didn’t really need. “Dad, I’m a lesbian.”

    Shock flashed across his face, but as I listened to what he was thinking, I realized that he wasn’t surprised for the reasons I expected.

    “You already knew?” My voice was shriller than I intended, so I cleared my throat before trying again. “All this time, you knew?”

    You didn’t know? He attempted to school his expression, but couldn’t control the quirk in the corner of his mouth.

    “I just discovered it when I was up in Alaska,” I admitted sheepishly.

    I thought she would have figured it out by now. Maybe Rosalie was right, maybe she is a “clueless lesbian”.

    I was about to ask him if everybody in our family knew but me, but the place his thoughts trailed off to gave me a different question to ask.

    “Father,” I began calmly, trying to control my voice. “Please tell me you did not turn Rosalie into a vampire because you thought I was lonely and needed a girlfriend.”

    Carlisle lost his humor quickly. “That was a long time ago, Edythe. Edythe? Where are you going?”

    I was already at the bottom of the stairs. “I’m going back to Alaska to bury myself in the snow forever. Goodbye, Carlisle. Great talk!”