#sorry guys these are just incoherent thoughts i've been having all day

[starboye]

pairing: noah beck x male reader

request: Seems like a golden good boy but actually be the dirtiest roughest sex you’ve ever had

warnings: smut, overstimulation, fainting, fluff, cursing, rough sex, and that's it I think

to the public your boyfriend noah was a respectable guy, he opened all you doors for you, tied your shoe, or helped anyone with anything they needed but behind closed doors he was the most ravenous horny man you'd ever been with.

right now he had you splayed across his bed, hole sloppy and loose from the continuous poundings and you barely able to think of a coherent thought "you like that don't you" noah huskily says smacking your ass with his large hand "yes" you spit out at the feeling "so loose for daddy huh" he deeply says easily sliding his fingers into your hole.

"fuck, please noah" you whine gripping his forearm trying to push his fingers out of your sensitive hole "hey no touching" noah sternly orders grabbing your hands and locking them above your head with his free hand "then can I please cum" you ask desperately, your cock all red and swollen begging for release "I don't know if you can" noah teases "please I've been suck a good boy" you brokenly say with tears daring to drip from your eyes.

"just a little longer" noah says pulling his thick fingers out your hole and slamming his dick back in, he grabs your legs and throws them over his shoulders to get even deeper in your warmth as you can do nothing but babble incoherently while your fucking into his mattress.

"your so good for me" noah smirks watching as you take him so well "cum for me" is the only thing that manages to bring you back to reality, the glinting hope that you can finally get release after what feels like hours of torture and after a few more thrusts from noah into you, you cum all over your chest, each spurt of cum being bigger than the last till you eventually finish.

although noah has came almost four times he still rides out his high, not being able to let go of such a beautiful flesh light like hole, sucking him in with your spongy walls and taking every thrust with such persistence "noah..." you trail off blinking in and out of consciousness due to overstimulation.

after some time your flat out faint as noah continues fucking into you not noticing your unconscious state "here it comes baby" noah grunts loudly as he tightly grips your thighs which will definitely leave marks to be found in the morning before he cums and fucks his fifth load into you.

loud huffs fall from his mouth as his chest heaves up and down trying to catch his breath "how was that" noah asks but you don't answer "babe" noah questions tapping your cheek lightly to wake you up but you still don't answer "y/n" he says with loads of worry throughout his voice as he leans down to listen is you have a heartbeat.

he breaths a sigh of relief to hear you still breathing just knocked out cold from the fucking "I really gotta learn to control myself" noah says under his breath scooping you into his arms and carrying you to the tub, laying you in it as the water fills it up, he coos sweet words as he cleans your fucked out body of the mess he basically made.

after washing you he puts you in one of his oversized shirts and shorts before laying you back in the now cleaned bed, the next day you wake up to a note from none other than noah himself as he lays next to you, tightly wrapping his arms around your waist, the note states "I'm so so sorry for fucking you unconscious last night and I hope you forgive me but I also hope you enjoyed last night" you lightly giggle at the note, noah was never the best apologizer but it was still an effort you thought was pretty cute.

noah may have always fucked you so rough the night before that it's always hurt to sit down or even walk but at least he made it his goal to sweetly apologize to you in the morning, you turn and kiss noah softly before nuzzling into his burly chest "I forgive you" you say falling asleep in his arms.

[ivysprophecy]

Not so good surprise.

warnings: talk about nipples, nipple piercings, mentions of sex and boners? i think that’s it. obvious cursing.

word count: 728

an: hey guys!! so this is my first time posting in a long time but both my friend and i @kimoralov3 wanted to write little blurbs about jj reacting to nipple piercings so please go show theirs some love!! warning this is unedited so i hope it’s not too incoherent

—

"JJ! Baby are you home?? I got ya a surprise!" you walk through the door with a sneaky smirk on your face, setting your bag on the couch as you walk in.

He walks out of the bedroom adjusting his hat on his head, his eyes clocking your chest the second he looks at you. His mouth is a gap, unable to look away from your chest.

"What's that?" he points at your chest accusatory walking closer, his eyes not moving.

"What's what baby?"

"That- those- right there- those-," his finger reaches out poking at your erected nipple causing you to let out a small yelp raising your hands to cover them.

"Woah! Owe- shit baby you can't touch them yet! They're so fucking sensitive- shit that hurt."

And with that his eyes finally move from your chest up to your face, bulging out of his sockets.

"Shit mama I'm sorry- wait- pause. Time out baby, did you just say I can't touch them yet??"

You nod amused at his reaction, wincing a little at the lasting ache, "Yea, you gotta wait a couple months to let them heal."

"Well how long is that supposed to be??"

"The guy said anywhere from 4-9 months."

"NINE MONTHS??" Your poor boyfriend is flabbergasted, wounded, physically pained by the news. You could swear you see tears swelling in his eyes. "Wait- wait wait wait wait. You're telling me some random guy did this??"

"I mean yea- I had to go to a professional. It just happened to be a guy."

JJ in all honestly couldn't care less if it was a guy or a girl, he's just pissed that it wasn't him who got to do it, to be there, to see it, to see them.

"So I can't touch them at all? Until their all healed up? Mama that's too long... I can't kiss 'em? Touch 'em at all? Shit-" Poor guy is in agony, quite literally spiraling at the thought of not being able to have his hands on them. With or without the piercings. "Doesn't seem like a good surprise mama."

You can't help but laugh at him honestly, he's quite literally almost in tears.

"Are you sure about that baby?" he's about to give his two cents and complain before you carefully lift your tank top over your head and tossing it on the couch next to your bag. "How about now."

Now, the boy is silent. Stuck dead in his tracks, mouth open like a fish out of water gasping for air.

"I know they're a little bruised and swollen so they look funny right now but-"

"Shhhh sh sh sh-" He interrupts you putting a finger to your lips, looking down at them in admiration. Again you can't help but giggle. Your boyfriend has never been one to hide how he feels about anything, usually dramatically as well. "Holy shit mama- look at 'em they've got little jewels 'n shit- look so pretty mama. How am I supposed to not touch these? So beautiful-"

"Well if you want you can help me clean them but that's the closest you're gonna get."

"How do you clean 'em?" Frankly it was adorable that he was so desperate that he was willing to learn.

"I've gotta take a cup, put some saline in there and tilt it back onto them a few times so I can wash them out good- it actually looks kinda silly-"

"But when I do that I can touch them right?"

You can't stop giggling at this point. "Yes JJ, you'll be able to hold 'em while I do it."

"A win is a win I guess- I can do this. For sure."

You press a kiss to your boyfriends lip with a smile still lingering on your face. "You're adorable baby. But I don't think you'll last a day. But you can look at 'em all you want I promise. I have to wear loose shirts anyway so you'll have easier access-"

"Don't tease me right now mama I'm serious- already got me all worked up just by lookin' at 'em."

And sure enough JJ was already working a semi, "Oh you poor thing... why don't we head to the bedroom and let 'mama' fix that for you yea?"

He was off the bedroom, dragging you behind him before you could even finish.

[yuikira]

𓈒࣪ The "you" shaped spot ₊✧

warnings: pure fluff, one implication of having sex, bits of crying, hurt/comfort, ooc kinich, very self indulgent, i apologize for mistakes.

GOD THE ANGUISH I FEEL SINCE THERE HAVE BEEN NO GOOD KINICH FICS RECENTLY

m so sorry mualani i love you but i hate you coz you're so shipped w kinich it makes me cry in anguish burn in despair and writhe in pain..coz hes mine. not yours. never yours (guys am i mentally ill)

"y/n?"

well, this was strange. if he still remembers how to read the time correctly, it's 3:30 pm and you should be at home today. yet he couldn't hear a single sound from the shared household, implying you were, infact, not at home. huh? that was wholly strange. you both had no urgent tasks for today, so where were you gone? your date was in 1½ hrs time, so he didn't have a tinge of worry about it. he knew you'd return by that time, even if you were gone somewhere. but where did you go anyway? to the balcony? xilonen's workshop? ororon's fields? mavuika's chambers? ifa's vet?

it was almost 5:30 by the time his patience finally ran out. you were nowhere to be seen, noone knew your whereabouts, your departure time was unconfirmed, and you didn't even tell him about it. he tried to distract away the thoughts that eerily haunted his mind, 'what if she's in danger? kidnapped? or perhaps, dead?'

he'd get nothing out of overthinking. finally, it all clicked to him where you could perhaps be found.

shit, and was his intuition right. he could hear the sounds of violent sobs drifting off in the sea breeze, some sniffles and pieces of incoherent speech here and there. they were yours.

"y/n? y/n!"

he gently held your shoulders and tried to pry off your palms from your face. is it too late? at last as he finally managed to do so, he saw your tinged red eyes, indicating you've been crying for a lot of time.

"what happened to you? babe? are you okay? please tell me- what happened to you? please, please please-"

"im fine, ichi, its alright"

"you dont look alright at all. what happened to you? who did this to you? this sadness?"

"oh it's just..um..this is embarassing.."

"no tell me, please baby, tell me. if you don't tell me and start crying again, i might just start crying too. please tell me"

"um.. it's...basically, these past few days I've felt like... you're.. avoiding me. like...everytime i try to approach you, you just- you just..shut me down. push me away. it maybe because I'm not living upto your expectations, but these past few days I've been feeling like you spend time with mualani more than me. it hurts so bad when my inner thoughts whisper to me, haunting me by saying stuff like you're giving the same lovesick smile to her as you do to me, and falling for her and- mfhm?!"

oh by gods, the way kinich just tenderly held you yet kissed constrastingly different, almost making you feel dizzy and lightheaded. you knew you weren't in the right state of mind after crying and struggling with your thoughts for so long, and his intoxicating kiss didn't help the matter at all.

at last when he finally pulls his lips away from yours, a tinge of bemused smile rests on his slightly chapped lips. him? in love with mualani? he'd rather give away his body to ajaw and keep himself locked in a small piece of memory inside your heart, so that as long as your heart beats, you both never get seperated. that was the best deal for him.

"look, im sorry I didn't tell you earlier and I'm sorry if I don't live upto your expectations and or are falling for mualani, its completely alright and-"

"Are you insane?"

"huh?"

"You are the words etched into my heart. You are the blood in my veins. You are the god I was born to worship. Who am I to commit such blasphemy?"

"i-ichi-?"

"You are the knowledge I seek. The love I pray for. The reason of my existence. And you still think I'd leave you?"

"wait no ichi i-"

"The symphony of my beating heart belongs to you. Only you. For long as I'm alive, its bound to beat for you. I love you, y/n. I love you so much."

Teardrops began to fall from your eyes again as he finished speaking. He'd never, ever been good with words, reflecting his love and care with his actions instead. Although he's trying to be more and more vocal for you, you'd never expected this from him.

That was the moment you realized, his heart was 'you' shaped, with every single bit of his sanity dedicated to you.

"And no, I.. I'm so sorry if i made you feel as if I'm avoiding you. I'm infact not. It's just the fact that.. I'd been trying to plan a surprise for you for our 4th anniversary, but..looks like I wasn't so slick with it. I'm sorry"

"No, no, it's fine, it's fine. I misunderstood, no need to apologise" you shook your head while holding one of his hands, the other wiping your tears off as he gently places a soft kiss on your forehead.

"It's partially my fault, for making you feel this way. Let's go home, yeah? I'll try to make it up to you. Brownies and making love later?"

You smiled. "I love you so much, it's hard to put into words like you did"

"I love you more. You're forever my girl"

[ilovebuckers5]

*•♡never be like you ♡¸.•*'

nika muhl x cheerleader!reader

"I wanna hold the hand inside you. I wanna take the breath that's true"

word count - 3.4k

themes :

-fluff

-comfort

-toxic rls

warnings :

-arguing

-mentions to abuse

-explicit language

-iowa winning

A/N - did I get you guys. y'all really thought I would wait any longer to post this....

"can we please not do this ash."

i practically pleaded for my boyfriend to not argue with me before a big performance.

it was the day I had been waiting for since I was ever even notified that there would be a uconn game against iowa. I couldn't be dealing with relationship issues right before.

i attempted slipping on my skirt in the bathroom while my boyfriends voice was ringing in my ear no matter how much I tried to ignore it. I hate arguments. especially when they are stupid and have no point in even happening.

"no we are doing this now I don't care! you need to tell me the truth before you leave." Asher growled from outside the bathroom door. part of me wanted to swing the door open and break his nose but I knew that I didn't have time for that. so I gently but swiftly opened the door and forced my eyes into his with probably the most 'i'm not fucking around right now' look I'd ever given him. which is shocking with all of the arguments we've gotten into.

"Asher just fucking stop! I wasn't anywhere, I was literally sitting on the bench waiting for katie to pick me up! why is that so hard for you to comprehend." I pull my face away from his and before I could close the door and continue getting ready I whisper under my breath "its like you want me to cheat on you." the door was about to latch onto the door frame when his pale and veiny hand gripped onto the wooden edge. "what the fuck did you just say?" shit.

he then swung the door open with a force I've never seen before and a wave of fear flushed through my head. there were already tears welling up in my eyes from the yelling and now this just made them fall down my face. inside I was screaming incoherently at his face, slamming the door on his fingers and bashing his head around the room.

this has happened too many times. where we argue and I end up bruised or crying and I have to walk to Natalie's place and cry even more but into her arms instead. there's been too many times where Asher gets away with shit that no other man could get away with. and too many fucking times have I stayed.

his hand was peeled away from the edge of the door and I swear there was hot lava falling out from his eyes instead of guilt tripping tears. "why do you do this to me y/n? it hurts." he dramatically let his hand fall into his palms as more tears fell from his clearly angered eyes. most times I would let myself feel guilty and sorry for him as if I was the one that did the hurting. but this time I was done. nothing was officially over but the moment definitely was. he's going to have to find a way to win my attention back this time.

i tightened my pony tail and grabbed my cheer bag before walking out of our apartment, slamming the door behind me. it was so early in the morning that the sun was only rising as I walked out the door. I'm almost positive that everyone else on the team was asleep so I had to walk to practice. I was only a couple steps into my long walk when a car pulled up in front of me. well not in front but beside me. I continued walking until a window was rolled down and I heard a familiar voice call out.

"yo are you good?"

i was not. I had tears streaming down my face and I probably looked like I was just thrown in a pit of piranhas, but I cant say that.

"huh?" I turn my head to the side to see a white BMW pulled over. the voice I had heard earlier had a very memorable accent in it. Nika Muhl. 5'10 point guard. pretty hair. pretty eyes. just pretty.

"are you okay?" another voice reached out from the drivers seat of the car. Paige Bueckers of course. I finally looked down from my own height and saw a the brunette looking up at me with kinda eyes. her head was slightly tilted to the side while she waited for me to answer her question. "oh. uh." I waited a moment.

just before this I was telling myself that I wasn't going to put up with asher's bullshit anymore. that included hiding what was going on. Asher put me through shit. I mean he curb stomped my head on a pile of shit and dragged my face through it with his bare hands and never felt any regret.

"n-no not really." yeah I did that. fuck you Asher. the feeling of just admitting that I wasn't made the rest of my tears started to drain back into my eye sockets. I could see it in Nika's eyes that she felt bad even if she was smiling and laughing. she popped open the car door and tapped her lap. "well c'mon." she swayed her head, gesturing for me to literally crawl over her lap and get into the backseat, as there isn't a back door. I didn't want to be rude so I sighed and crawling over Nika's lap and into the backseat. I was hovering over her long enough to smell the beachy sunscreen smelling perfume she had on. her hands grazed my thigh that was exposed after my skirt had started to hang down from my position. thank God the cheer uniforms had shorts under the skirts because when I was almost in the back seat next to Ice Brady and KK Arnold, my skirt lifted up right in Nika's face. I almost fell face first into the backseat before I felt Nika's hands grip onto my waist to support me until I was sitting down. I let out a sharp and quick sigh while fixing my hair and and un-ruffling my skirt, I looked into the driver seat to see Paige holding back tears of laughter. I could practically see how red Nika was from the back of the head rest she had her hair pressed against.

i didn't expect the car ride to be as comforting as it was. the entire drive was basically just the girls either singing or asking me questions about cheer. it was all fine before Nika decided to speak up about why I was sobbing on the sidewalk.

"so what was going on with you earlier? before we very obviously saved your ass." I couldn't help but laugh at her remark but quickly got more serious when Paige turned down the music so everyone could hear me. I felt like I was put on a stage with a microphone in a pretty pink dress waiting to win Miss America with everyone's eyes on me while they waited for me to answer.

"oh it was nothing just stuff about my boyfriend...." I tried to shake off the question even though a part of me wanted to scream how much I hated him. I trailed off and glanced to the side to find an unconvinced KK staring at me. KK is funny, I always see her jumping around after a win and shes always filled with energy.

I shrugged and threw my head back before actually giving in. "fine. he's like, really shitty honestly. I want to break up but I can't." the car was silent for a couple seconds while I patiently waited for someone to speak. "what way of shitty? like wants to break up constantly but wont or like- another way of shitty" Paige asked without making any eye contact.

another way for sure. every other way that you could think of Paige.

"guilt tripping manipulative way I guess?" I said, my voice slightly cracking. Nika clicked her tongue as she reached around her seat and looked back at you. "you know you don't have to stay. I know its hard to not stay but you aren't obligated to stay." thank you. that the only thing I was needing to hear in the past year I had been with Asher. I know I'm not obligated to stay with him but Jesus it feels like it. "thanks." the car ride was silent for a couple more minutes before Paige pulled into the driveway of my cheer practice building.

I was just about to get out of the car before realizing that ice was in front of the door I should've been getting out of. I had to crawl over Nika's lap again. I tossed my duffel bag into her lap and its like she could read my brain when she opened her door and gently set the bag out side. but this time she put down her car seat so that there was a (mainly) flat surface for me to crawl over. instead of crawling, I lifted my feet over Nika's body first and then slid myself over her. my ass gently bumps against her lap, almost sending a loud gasp from my lips. there her hands were again. I thought everything was going by quickly but she still had enough time to wrap her fingers around my waist and lifted me from the back seat out the door.

it was honestly hard for me to speak after having to be that close to a practical stranger in the span of 20 minutes but I tried my best.

"thank you guys for the ride. good luck on your game!" as I was waving goodbye while walking down the sidewalk towards the door of the building, Nika yelled out.

"y/n? I'll see you there right?"

oh my fuck she wants to see me at the game. she actually WANTS me to be there.

all I could manage to do without folding over and passing out of the concrete was throw a thumbs up from behind me and continue walking. the moment I stepped or slid out of that car, all the thoughts came back, rushing through my head. how the fuck was I supposed to focus on cheer when my relationship was on the brink of ending. I felt tears well up in my eyes just thinking about it. obviously I wanted things to end but its been a year and a couple months. I don't know how I was going to just break up and be fine. when I swung open the doors to my cheer studio I saw coach and couple other girls sitting down, tying their shoes and fixing each other's hair. coach waved at me once I got through the door. I made my way over to the other girls and gave them each a hug with a very fake warm smile plastered on my face.

"hiii, are you okay you look like you've been crying?" Taylor spoke in a soft, caring mom kind of tone. why is everybody so worried about if I was crying or not. its not that big of a deal just let me cry. I nodded aggressively "mhm. yeah I'm good." the two girls, Taylor and Caydence, looked at each other and they obviously could see through me. I held back even more tears when they shrugged their shoulder continued talking, I knew they didn't believe me but they didn't push an answer out of me like Nika and Paige.

a part of me has always been interested in basketball but the other part kept telling me that I was talented enough or masculine enough. Nika was always an inspiration to me even before I started cheering for UConn. sometimes after practice, as long as there is no performances and I'm not being held back by my coach, I like to go to the public gym and practice basketball by myself. every time I do, I always wish that there was someone there to practice with me. that is part of the reason I went on to cheer for UConn basketball.

i was still stretching when some more girls off the team walked through the door. makeup done, lashes curled ready to go. I still sat in the corner with a couple mascara streaks running down my face. sadly, there weren't any wipes anywhere in the studio so I had to sit with dried cracky mascara on my face instead of my lashes. I stood up after stretching and actually set my bag and water bottle down at some benches before going up to my best friend, Farah, and squeezing her tightly. she had just walked through the door holding a bag with her cheer supplies and another that had a bow tied around it. it wasn't too big but definitely noticeable. my eyes were immediately drawn to it but I waited for her to bring it up after we finished hugging.

"don't act like you aren't wondering what's in here." she shook the yellow back in front of me, letting me take it out of her hands. I scrimmaged through it and found a piece of paper in the bottom. it looked blank until I flipped it over.

mother fucking Farah.

"YOU GOT ME TICKETS TO OLIVIA RODRIGO? WHAT THE FUCK?" I squealed loud enough for the entire team and coach to hear. all eyes were on me but I didn't care. there was literally no reason for Farah to do this at all. shes just a really fucking nice person. she bent over, holding her stomach with laughter pouring out of her mouth. I felt all sorts of feelings rushing through me. confusion, happiness, more confusion, a little bit of sadness because there was only one ticket at the bottom of the bag.

that when everything died down. I realized that she only got one? no way.

"wait did you-" I began to question but Farah stopped me by shoving her finger over my lips.

"nope." she pulled out her hand from her bag and there were two other tickets. why two? why two. two. fuck.

"for Asher!" she held onto my wrists more excited than she was walking inside of the studio. that giddy smile on her face fell quickly. there is no way I'm bringing Asher with to a concert that he wouldn't even give a shit about. all he'd care about is getting in my pants afterwards because my feet will hurt too much to walk away and say no. I pulled myself towards Farah's ear and whispered softly "Asher cannot come with. I'm planning on breaking up with him."

Farah's eyes widened once I pulled my mouth away from her ear. all she did was nod and dropped my hands back to my side. we walked over to the bench and continued waiting for the rest of the team to show up.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

practice went smooth. now its about to start. UConn and Iowa. fuck I'm nervous. I've been a UConn fan for years and this game is one of the things I've always wanted to see in person. they start introducing players while the cheer squad was doing our main routine to the rhythm of a random Taylor swift song. I think it's I knew you were trouble. ironic. the one thing I was not allowed myself to think of was Asher. if I wanted to think about him I would just trick myself into thinking about Nika. wait that came out wrong. anyways. I was just let down on the floor after doing a thigh stand and the team continued dancing until it was finally tip off. I scurried off the court with the rest of my team and sat to the side while a couple girls above me kept moving around with pom poms. we got the ball first and stayed in the lead for a while.

as much as I was pretending to focus on the shots all the players were making, I couldn't peel my eyes away from Nika. she was on Caitlin Clark's ass. not even letting her shoot a three pointer. shes doing so good. she had her hands surrounding the ball, barely letting Clark shoot at all. I admire her for her defensive skills. I believe her aggression really helps with that. shes passionate. she obviously wants to win but on court it looks like shes playing with her life on the line. but she does it with ease. the one thing I kept forgetting was that this could be her last college game. ever. no one knows where shell go after UConn. lots of people are saying overseas and I think that would be the death of me. I watched every move she made. not in a stalker way but in an invested in her game way. the way her hair swayed back and forth while she shuffled around Caitlin. the way she already had a couple balls of sweat falling off of her forehead. I would be lying to myself if I didn't think she looked really hot right now.

and I'm up again. Caydence was holding onto my hips before she tossed me in the air, I landed on her and angels palms before flipping off and landing feet flat on the floor. still holding a pretty fake smile on my lips. once it was someone else's turn to do a crazy flip, I took the chance and looked back at the bench, watching as Nika took multiple sips out of a Gatorade water bottle. her hand rested on Paige shoulder while she shot something that probably motivational and worded beautiful to Paige's ear.

the game was going smooth until the 4th quarter. I could feel my blood boiling while watching the timer tick lower and lower without our score going higher. this cant be happening. 3.9 seconds on the clock. I could practically feel the vibrations of every UConn fan tapping their feet waiting for someone to shoot a three pointer and give us the win. but no. a foul was called on Aaliyah. I don't think it was a foul but what do I know.

as much as I was desperate for us to win, I knew we wouldn't be taking home the win this time. 4.6 seconds. now Paige. what is it with these bullshit calls.

i never liked Iowa. in my opinion, Clark is good at basketball but can be conceited and over hyped. of course I didn't want anyone to come at me with that when Iowa "wins the natty" so i'll have to keep that in my head for now.

i started calming down, trying to accept the fact that there wasn't a point going on but they from the far side of the court I saw Caitlin Clark. the basketball player dubbed as the goat and a women's basketball savior, bounce a basketball off of her so called friend? fuck that shit. I almost stood up and sprinted across the court. me and Paige may not be close but I cant take shit like that. Farah rested her hand on my thigh, telling me to not do anything. because its "out of my control"

it could be in mine. just saying.

and just like that, number 20 gets the ball, throws it in the air, and declares the win for Iowa. I could physically feel my face getting hotter with each tear I saw fall from Nika's eyes. Iowa doesn't deserve this. they have everything. and UConn gave up everything. I couldn't stop myself from crying too. I shoved my face in my hands trying to dry the tears that were slowly ruining my eye makeup/ I feel fucking terrible. how could UConn give so much for this and barely get anything back. just the noise of all the Iowa fans cheering and laughing and the sight of them smiling made me sick. I wont even hide it. I was jealous. jealous that they had such dick riding refs.

who said that.

i wanted, so badly, to stand up and wrap my arms around Nika and Paige and Aaliyah and all the others to just give them some sort of recognition but we had to go. coach led us through the tunnel and that was it. I sat on a bench in our locker room, debating what to do.

and I figured out what to do. right then and there.

even with my hands on my forehead, crying and stressing, the inside of me was happy because I knew that someone wouldn't be feeling so bad on April 22nd.

[yuriyuruandyuraart]

Hi? Gosh how do I even start with this :'D

I know it's been ages since I've last popped up on here. I've been debating when to post this for a while, but I kept adding to my draft more and more and now it's the end of JULY omgg I felt so guilty disappearing with zero updates but then thought my birthday would be the best day to finally address this considering it'll feel less random? idk but Ive always celebrated my bday with you guys and I'd feel so bad answering your kind asks without me at least explaining why I was gone for months.

Truth be told, I was dealing with a lot of stuff irl. health issues and sudden declining grades that left me stumped and drained for months now- along with technical issues like having to replace some parts of my computer that took a while for me to find to even draw digitally, which I didn't have the time for anyway with how tired and weary I felt every day.

I'm frankly shaken up by a lot of shit rn and I don't know how to be active online with this burden on my chest- Especially as it's been a while since I've even looked at utmv related content and my motivation dwindled. I swear I'd hype myself up to post or reblog something- but I'd see just how much I've missed or the overwhelming amount of posts I'd need to go through and I'd feel so swamped with exhaustion and most importantly guilt, for not clearing the air up sooner to reassure you guys that I'm, y'know, alive, and not dead in a ditch somewhere. And I'd procrastinate cause typing it all out is hard and I'd give up halfway every time and it's just not fair to you all!

I thought I was handling it well when I started going out and socializing more, instead of staying cooped up at home on my computer all day. and in the first draft of this post I made months ago I was gonna detail some of the fun plans I had, for my life and for this blog :D but relaxing my strict study schedule and letting go a bit of my tight routine, thinking it was better than wringing myself dry to keep it up, backfired horribly, to say the least.

I know right?? so silly to be hung up on stupid shit like studies of all things! but this is a very important thing for me considering my career plans and the competitivity encouraged by everyone I'm surrounded by, the pressure of keeping up adding to my already stressful days. I had to fix myself up first and I couldn't handle the strain nor interact with people and thinking of jobs and exams sapped my energy so much it's frankly embarrassing. writing this feels so cheesy too and it frustrates me to know I could've come back a month earlier if it weren't for that, but I also know putting all of this into words then would just sound like incoherent venting (not that this is very different tbf) and I wasn't in the right headspace to address my absence, or anything really- I didn't want everyone to see me return when I couldn't muster up a genuinely positive message, let alone talk to anyone with a shadow of my usual cheer

I feel like a complete mess and It drives me up the wall how depressed I've gotten. I debated deleting this blog so many times 'cause the fear of disappointing my audience and my friends, for lack of a more fitting sentiment, made me feel even shittier. I'm constantly thinking if this wall of text is worth posting, or if it's better not to burden you all with all my sappy troubles as if it's the end of the world. Trust me, I'll be fine. I'm not trying to dramatize this situation, but I don't think I'm up to pretending I'm all sunshine and enthusiasm you're all accustomed to.

So sorry for worrying you all! I'll try to catch up, deliver some missed birthday gifts, and answer some asks while I'm at it! Again, I can't state how much I appreciate your support throughout the years. It's frankly a miracle I kept any of you around with how much I keep popping and leaving at random with no warning. I definitely can't promise for my stay to be without a hitch, and if you don't mind an inconsistent schedule you're free to stay of course, but I'm afraid I can't sustain the pace I had when I first started this blog. I'll keep posting art, but lower my activity in the fandom sphere to reduce the strain on my mental health. so fewer rants and walls of text, more art, and less stress overall. Love you all and thanks for waiting for this long <3

[vegaseatsass]

Reality tv is so fucking dangerous for me because my brain still whirs as if I'm watching fictional characters but I'm NOT and I should NOT be blorbofying or armchair diagnosing these irl human beings, it's simply safer for me to never ever engage. Tl;dr my god the exes on His Man 3 have eaten my mind, I can't stop thinking about them. I won't share REAL PERSON HEADCANONS (basically: who pings as neuroatypical) but I went from thinking Myeongkyun was the most hilarious entertaining television figure I'd seen in years to being really truly gutted for him and his like, slow struggling emotional processing which makes him sooooo frustratingly opaque even though he is trying, and his fuckboy affect which is so deceptive for how confusingly deeply (but just. sloooooowly) he actually feels. Youngjoon has been my favorite contestant this entire time (well, Youngjoon and Seungjin but let's not get me started on how it feels to watch Seungjin go untreasured episode after episode) and Hanmin jumped way up there in episodes 7 and 8 too because who knew he was the absolute kindest and most supportive and emotionally intelligent person in that entire house, I'm rooting SO HARD for him and Youngjoon I think they're such a crazy good match for each other augh. So the thing I find so compelling about Myeongkyun and Youngjoon's conflict is that it's really easy for me to understand where both of them were coming from; as absolutely maddening as it is to imagine being in Youngjoon's shoes and trying with so much hyperverbal self-awareness to reach some kind of clarity and just being hit in the face again and again with Myeongkyun's blase opaqueness, I really DO think they were both trying super hard and in good faith in that exhausting conversation! It understandably didn't FEEL that way to Youngjoon, as Myeongkyun led him in circle after circle, but I'm seriously like unhinged with how much I feel for Myeongkyun rn and his visible overwhelm. When Youngjoon was about to leave and tell Myeongkyun to figure things out on his own and Myeongkyun told him it's actually easier for him !!! to sort through his feelings with him there !!!! that's such an admittance, he absolutely was trying that whole time but what comes out of his mouth is sooooooooo not intelligible and thus as infuriating as humanly possible for Youngjoon, this incredibly verbal, emotionally analytic overthinker. They're such a bad match lmao and it's so so sad that Myeongkyun just assumed their relationship was moving as slowly as his feelings do and not that he was fully ghosted dklfjslkdfja I can just see BOTH THEIR SIDES I'm almost always on the side of the person who is like "how was I supposed to know what you ghosting me meant? I kept contacting you because I just thought you were busy!" vs. the ghoster who is all ugh dude why couldn't you read the room? but if Myeongkyun has always been like this - answering a direct question with "Maybe I'm ENTJ!" or "I don't want to tell you" or munch munch munching and "mmm"-ing and blinking and never ever answering what he was actually asked - it's pretty easy to understand why Youngjoon would assume this is a guy who neither cares about nor requires direct communication of any kind.

Lol sorry I've never posted into this tag before and this is a super incoherent blur of feelings before I go offline for the next two days but I just have to get it out of my system because I don't think I've ever had a reality show change my perception of somebody as much as Myeongkyun just like. Visibly hanging on by a thread while saying all the absolute wrong things in his stupid cool guy voice. and then breaking down as soon as he was alone. did. "Dating Minseon is... a possibility" went from sounding like a half-assed non-commitment to me, to Myeongkyun very seriously working through his feelings at his regular slow slow speed, and I'm fully rooting for them as well atp.

I wish this season had more friendship and less shady secret missions because everyone is so miserable... including me, who is sitting here typing nonsense instead of posting about my safely fictional characters.

[s-aprua]

thoughts on the paralive ending (spoilers, very incoherent)

lots of mixed feelings but I'll start of with the one thing I really liked: rowdiez instrumental made it into the ending :') didn't get a 3d mv but good enough ig

something I realized (kinda embarrassing it took me 12 eps but) finally figured out why the lab coat guy sounded so familiar. I tried checking MAL and the wiki but he didn't have a page so I had to check the ending credits but he's voiced by fyodor (also funny that he literally has no name. he's just "white clothes guy")

ok so for the mixed feelings part: I'm generally pretty open to adaptations doing something different (trimax vs trigun vs stampede and I like all of them) and maybe paraani will grow on me but the CD dramas are still better. I don't like how they removed a lot of iori akyr in general the characterization outside of the groups (satsuki's crush on anne, tsubaki entirely, club candy is there in theory except nobody talks about it, iori and zen are just in some really office building, yohei and iori's past (unless shuffle ovas???? /overdosing on copium))

the whole metal corrosion thing came kinda out of left field, especially how it started affecting the audience? somehow?? Like the other phantometal users sure, but the audience?? moving on already bc too many questions to unpack (I haven't listened to s2 of the dramas, but I heard cozmez never got that match with buraikan? do we get an explanation for that btw? I know I didn't happen like this but I mean I guess the ending point won't affect s2 too much)

I was kinda right abt the BAE saves the day thing but at least it was also all of them saving kanata? but the idea if ppl rapping at you until you get over the angst of remembering your twin is dead (except he's actually not but wtv) is kinda silly. (I'll take all the akyr actually doing something crumbs I can take at this point) bonus points for shura to just start playing a beat from the speakers and then leaves

I don't think they explained how nayuta's alive? and they had the audacity to not include shiki in the ending rooftop scene? (I know they were doing unit montages but like. did shiki even get to see real nayuta. he just. never got closure???) at least we got alt hair for cozmez tho (black hair kanata and long hair nayuta)

sorry I've been thinking abt this episode for a day and I still can't articulate anything :/

[swifty-fox]

okay so I’m not going to go into any details here but I just finished “what comes after” and oh. my. god. you captured the feelings of the person on the other end perfectly.

for me it wasn’t anyone as close as a husband, and I wasn’t there to see it, but they texted me one evening and I swear I just knew. and I knew they were in a pretty bad place, but I don’t think anyone had realized just how bad, and I have so many mixed feelings about all of it? And you somehow managed to write that and make it so tragic and so beautiful and. I don’t even know what I’m trying to say here. I guess I just wanted to say thank you? Thank you for treating the subject so delicately and so fairly and thank you for adding the part about Curt and how he’s there to help and I know it’s “just” fanfiction, but I need you to know how much of an impact it had on me.

so. yeah. thank you. and I’m sorry to spring this on you just like this (if it makes you uncomfortable I’m so sorry! please don’t feel like you have to respond!), I swear I’m not saying any of this to make you feel bad for me or anything. my friend is in a much better place and everything is okay. call this the incoherent ramblings of a person who should’ve gone to bed hours ago now. thank you. thank you thank you thank you thank you <3

theres three experiences in my life I pulled from for this fic

my little brother has been to a psych ward three times in my life, two in the last two years. The second time (March 2023) he called me the day before in great spirits and laughing about a childhood memory. Next day I receive a call that He's going to the hospital, drugs were involved but nobody knew anything more because he's an adult. We heard no news, couldn't contact him for Three Days. We had no idea what happened or how bad things were.

In the aftermath my baby sister and I had to drive into the city to pick his car up and bring it to my parents. She's a freshman in college and was too young to really remember my brothers first time in (I was twenty and she was twelve) and so I had to be the older sibling and tell her to rely on me. To brace herself that this probably would not be the end of the storyline with his mental health issues and she had to make peace with it and to protect herself how she could while still being there for him. I had to put my shit aside for my her and my mom and my dad. Had to be Gale.

At the same time I was fresh off a devastating breakup. I reached out that night to the ex because I thought we were still friends and got brushed off. While driving to get that damn car all i wanted was what my brain thought was my ride or die support system to be there helping me through this. All i wanted was a Curt and I didn't have one. So i gave Gale what i needed via Curt. Someone to pick up the pieces.

My grandmother passed away due to complications from colon cancer in 2020. She came down with an infection that ate away her intestines to nothing in the span of a weekend. I sat on the phone with her six states away as she lay dying on her bathroom floor. My Grandma who was my best friend my namesake wordlessly crying in my ear from pain. And I just remember thinking nobody fucking gave me the instruction manual for this. I went to bed once the ambulance came, thinking she would be okay. And by the time I woke up she was gone. And I've worked my feelings of that out through a previous fic but I definitely reached back into that experience to remember that headspace

I've been on both ends. I almost ended my life several times last year and I'm really fuckin glad I didn't cause I am having so much fun with you guys

[angelofthemornings]

You know, a lot of evidence points to this being a glutamate thing. For instance, on days when I can't do anything the human voice feels like nails on a chalkboard to me (sorry if anyone reading this is human) and worsening sensory issues is linked with glutamate issues. I wonder why the hell it seems to be *cyclical* though. I can't find any correlations between my behaviors (like getting less or more sleep) and my bad periods. Interesting that before I got on my seizure medications (which inhibit glutamate) I didn't have good periods at all, I was just a worthless lump except for during a really solid manic episode. (What contributes to manic episodes? Glutamate dysregulation.) I might merely be taking my meds at inconsistent intervals or something - maybe if I go fifteen hours before my second dose instead of twelve for even one day it screws everything up for a bit - and I really should be tracking more of my behaviors.

...Or hypomanic episodes, whatever. My last therapist got annoyed and corrected me if I said manic instead of hypomanic, I think she thought I was being dramatic. (I *have* had manic episodes, which is why I have type one bipolar, but very few of them.) They almost never distinguish between mania and hypomania in literature on the disorder, just in clinical practice, so I'm not really used to it. Always seemed kind of useless terminology to me, too. "Episode where you're fucked up but not as fucked up as other people can get" is sort of a weird thing to say. Treatment is similar to identical and it's not like we're not all suffering. Does it accomplish anything other than giving people with type two imposter syndrome? I always felt bad for type twos. (Also, there's historically been an argument over whether I have type one or type two - I was initially diagnosed with bipolar one, but during my last manic episode, I was in Alaska and basically acting like a mumbling homeless guy and wracked with psychosis and even my vision was fucked, I had this bizarre tunnel vision, but I was like, doing work with ease. FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE. Was I doing it well? No, I was borderline incoherent, but at least I was showing up. And because I had okay occupational functioning some subsequent practitioners have been like, "eh sounds more like hypomania then." Others agree with type one. It's confusing and subjective.) (Although, as the actual guy having the episodes, believe me, I can feel the difference between hypomania and mania, should such a thing meaningfully exist, or I can just say that some episodes are merely troubling and some episodes I've gone completely bugfuck and it exists on a continuum.)

At least my whole care team has gotten on board with the idea that I'm not secretly having depressive episodes (or trauma I haven't noticed, or anxiety I haven't noticed) and they're taking me off the antidepressant carousel. I'm grouchy due to Slav nature but I generally feel upbeat and happy, the *only* depressive symptom I have during bad spells is the inability to do shit. (And maybe like, insomnia, but I have insomnia during good episodes too.) I hope to hell my new therapist ("please fill out the intake forms as soon as you can, we're getting a lot of referrals due to the elections") doesn't insist on it; if she or he does, I have about half a dozen papers to show them about functional decline even after successful mood control in bipolar patients (if that doesn't convince them I'll be very mad).

[val-victory]

"Lieutenant sense to doctor schkrinkel"

The Call interrupted a rather boring day at the Doctors Office, not a Single Patient for today. Doc Schkrinkel was using the Time to recalibrate the Medical Tricorders, after rearranging the Plushie Wall of course.

The Plush Wall was one of Schkrinkels biggest Prides. As a Doctor specializing in Child Healthcare he made sure that no Patient would ever have to come to his Office scared. They could just take a plushy Friend from the Wall and they'd stay with them until the Visit was over...

Oh right the Call. Schkrinkel pressed his Combadge that was set to vibrate.

"uhm Schkrinkel here, what is it?"

"Can you come to corridor H-12? We have an emergency. Also what took you so long?"

"sorry, I was lost in Thought... I'll send the Team out."

"No, not the team, its not a medical emergency. But we need you. Oh and bring fromp."

Fromp, the living Minccino Plush, hopped onto Schkrinkels shoulders upon hearing his Name on the Intercom.

Schkrinkel took his Emergency Medical Kit, since its always better to be over-prepared than to be underprepared, and entered the Elevator.

"sense, can you like tell me what this is about? Don't tell me this is a Surprise Birthday Party. 1. It's not my Birthday, and 2. I hate Surprises."

"I wouldn't waste time on that. To get to the point: A student has locked themselves into one of the escape pods. They refuse to talk with any of us Security Personnel. They said they would only talk to you, or Fromp..."

"oh no, that sounds very serious. why did they do that and can the Escape Pod be activated?"

"Not unless the ship goes into condition red. or if they find the emergency override. but on why they did it, i don't know for sure, but they seemed pretty upset."

The Elevator stopped and the Door opened, Lieutenant Sense and his Security Team had been waiting in front of it.

"You're here, goo-"

Sense interrupts himself, which startled the Sableye on his Shoulder.

"Since when do you have twintails with purple tips? why didn't you tell me earlier? i mean we don't see eachother often nowadays you could maybe give me like regular updates on your hair or something?"

"sense, not now. please. this is serious. I've only had this Haircut since last week. just tell me where the Kid is."

"Oh right, over here. pod 3."

Schkrinkel looked through the Bullseye window. A child with Hair that resembled a Cutifly, no older than 12 was sitting on the Floor, crying. it was one of Schkrinkels Patients, Plemp. They were easily overwhelmed by Stimuli and frequented the Doctors office to get help with their Headaches. They probably knew all of Schkrinkels plushies by Name now.

"Hi... Plemp. I'm here now. you can tell me what happened."

They looked up to the Window, upon seeing a familiar Face they stopped crying but their sadness wasn't gone.

"Make the yellow guys go away. I only talk to You."

Schkrinkel motions to the Security Team that they should take a few steps back until they are out of View.

"Yellow guys??? what are they on about? this uniform is gold."

"its okay, they went away... it would be much easier to talk if you opened the door, everything sounds kind of muffled."

The child understands Schkrinkels request and opens the Door for him. He enters and closes the door behind him.

"sit down next to me and tell me what happened."

"i-... they... i... .... We aren't going home aren't we?"

Fromp walks up to Plemp and sits in their Lap while being hugged.

"you won't get in Trouble for this, you can go Home if you want."

"No... i mean. Earth."

Scheisse. Why wasn't Schkrinkel told that this was about the Santa Protocol. Did Plemp really not say a single Thing or was Sense distracted by something stupid.

"that is... rather complicated... may i ask why you think that?"

"When... when they told us about stars... and the... and how to tell where we are... and then i looked where we are but we are so far away from home..."

Plemps almost incoherent story made them sob again. They crawled onto Schkrinkels lap and used his Apron as a Tissue to blow their Nose with.

"It's okay... let it out... I must say i'm impressed. you are alot smarter than the other Students... to figure this out at such a young Age. impressive..."

Plemp wasn't receptive to the Compliments, they just cried more.

"I'll tell you something, when i found out i was heartbroken. i couldn't believe it. to never see Earth again... but then i found out what Earth really was pollution, natural disasters, the depopulation of the Pokémon... i am kind of glad that we are leaving it behind."

"But... but we can't live here forever... this ship... its not a planet."

"Plemp, but this Ship wasn't made to be our Home forever, we are headed towards an Exoplanet. which will be our new Earth. a new Home for Humanity."

Schkrinkel started typing on the Console, trying to find an Astronomical Map that would show their Target. The Map opened and showed the remaining Time until

"but... but... but thats so far away."

"well for me it is. by the Time we reach it i will be 105, but for you, its earlier, you might be able to see it before your Hairs turn gray."

Plemps squeezed Fromp even tighter.

"i don't wanna talk anymore... but please stay."

"okay... i can stay... i'll give you time to accept it."

Schkrinkel stayed with Plemp for 2 Hours, the soothing mechanical sounds of the Ship eventually made Plemp fall asleep. It must have been an exhausting Day for them.

The Door of the Escape Pod was opened again and Schkrinkel carried Plemp outside.

"Sense, i don't think i can do this anymore. why are we lying to the Kids. why build up this fake narrative?"

"Bro, if you have a problem talk to the captain. i didn't make this up."

"maybe during the next Field Officer Conference, but first i have to bring this little fly to their Bed. I'll let them keep Fromp for the Day, or at least until they calm down."

The little Fly was brought to Bed. it might still take weeks until they properly accept their Situation, but in that Time, they can be glad that they have Friends like Schkrinkel and Fromp.

[mischief-lies-and-stories]

Loki Episode 5 Incoherent Thoughts

Spoilers for Loki episode 5. And also my fic, Scattered to the Wind, because holy shit.

My stomach hurts, guys

I've been texting my best friend about this upcoming episode all day. I'd say I was getting progressively more unhinged, but I definitely started out unhinged and fluctuated from there.

Oh my GOD the title is making me feel better already

Oh god never mind I'm scared again after the recap and the haunting intro music

FUCK THAT ONE TEAR ON LOKI'S FACE

SHIT WAIT DID HE TIME SLIP I BET HE TIME SLIPPED

NO HE WENT TO THE PIE ROOM ;.;

FUCK YES HE DID TIME SLIP

OH MONKEY FUCK

THE TIME SLIPS ARE SHORTER

OH MY GOD I'VE FOR SURE HAD A NIGHTMARE LIKE THIS WHERE EVERYTHING TURNS TO SPAGHETTI THAT'S HORRIFYING

NO NOT THE CLOCK TICKING

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE IN CAPS THIS EP ISN'T IT

I'LL TELL YOU, THE SAME THING HAPPENED IN EP 5 OF LAST SEASON. I TOOK NOTES ALL IN CAPS TOO

YES CASEY'S IN JAIL I WAS FUCKING RIGHT PLEASE BE ALCATRAZ sorry spoilers for Scattered to the Wind

OH MY GOD WHO WAS RIGHT ABOUT FUCKING ALL OF THIS

WAS THAT A BOAT

I WAS FUCKING RIGHT I WAS FUCKING RIGHT I WAS FUCKING RIGHT

FUCK NOW PEOPLE ARE GONNA READ IT AND BE ALL "UM ACTUALLY IT WAS 1962 NOT 1935" AND IM GONNA BE ALL "UM ACTUALLY I FUCKING CALLED THIS ENTIRE THING SO STOW IT"

GUT US LIKE FISH

LOKI

OKAY I GOT THE NAME WRONG BUT LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE

YES MOBIUS GIMME

NO LAME FUCK OFF MARVEL

SIX YEARS OFF FOR B-15 I SWEAR TO GOD IF HER NAME IS ANN I'LL LOSE IT

WRONG PLACE BUT I UNDERSTAND. ACCENT, AND I PUT HER IN LONDON BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE WAS IN AMERICA

UGH SHE'S SO GOOD AND SHE'S A PEDIATRICIAN I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT TOO

BUT SHE'S IN NEW YORK IN 2012 WHAT MONTH IS IT BECAUSE SHE MIGHT KNOW LOKI

MOBIUS YES HOLY SHIT

DON FUCKING DON DO NOT GIVE ME YOUR LAST NAME PLEASE I MEAN I SHIP THORKI SO FANONICALLY I'LL BE FINE WITH IT BUT LIKE EVEN MARVEL WOULDN'T DO THAT RIGHT

NO NOT THE CHILDREN PLEASE LET THAT BE THE FICTIONAL PART

YES MIDWEST BUT WRONG STATE AND WAY WRONG YEAR [I! HAVE! THEORIES! THOUGH!]

MOBIUS HONEY SELL THE MAN A DIRT BIKE MORE JET SKIS FOR YOU

I'M CRYING ABOUT THE COMPARISON BETWEEN LOKI AND THE INFLATABLE GUY OH MY GOD THAT WAS PERFECT

That face was not good enough

Okay the slow walk and stare was perfect though

Wait I just remembered I screenshotted a bingo card for this episode specifically wait I'm gonna be a ball of anxiety and procrastinate and see if I got any squares yet I'll play it in a sec.

God Don is doing to Loki what Mobius did to OB in episode 1. Mo it's okay to tell someone you don't recognize them when they recognize you. It makes the interaction afterward way less awkward and a lot easier.

Fuck what's wrong with your son why doesn't he talk to his mom/dad/parent FUCK I HOPE HIS MOM DIDN'T JUST DIE THAT WOULD BE SO SHITTY

THAT LYING BITCH

THAT ASSHOLE IN THE LOKIUS TAG AFTER EPISODE ONE WHAT A LYING BITCH [No I have a thought though, and I'm sure someone else has had it by now.]

MOBIUS TALK TO YOUR KIDS HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD

WAIT

IF IT'S BILLY AND TOMMY I'LL FUCKING SCREAM

NO LOKI

OH MY GOD WAS I RIGHT ABOUT EVERYONE

RIGHT STATE WRONG TIME IF HE'S A PROFESSOR I'LL SHIT MYSELF

OH BABY MY DARLING

I LIKE THIS BETTER

AWW

SOMEHOW I LOVE HIM MORE

THE POSIT ITS. OB!!!!

IS THAT THE LOOM

THE LINES FROM THE TRAILER

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK

IF SYLVIE'S IN BROXTON AND HAS FORGOTTEN SHE CAN DO MAGIC I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO

I SWEAR TO GOD YOU GUYS I DIDN'T WATCH THIS EPISODE UNTIL NOW WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

THIS IS SO WEIRD I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

OH MY GOD IT'S NOT THE LOOM IT'S HIS WORKSHOP

HE'S STAYING SO LONG

OH MY GOD IS HIS REAL WHY GONNA BE BECAUSE HE LOVES MOBIUS? I'LL DIE

YES OB I WROTE THIS WE JUST TAKE BRAD OUT OF THE EQUATION AND I'M OKAY WITH THAT

SO I WAS GONNA SAY IRISH BOYS, KEVIN AND SEAN, BUT

BUT SEAN JUST ASKED FOR A DOG AND A SNAKE

THIS MAN IS AN ODIN VARIANT THE KIDS ARE LOKI AND THOR I DON'T LIKE THIS I DON'T LIKE IT HERE I WANT TO LEAVE

Baby Loki would have absolutely played with matches he stole

Baby Thor loves snakes

Take me back to before I was afraid of who Mobius was gonna be when I thought he was Theo and that was the end of it. Take me back even to when I thought he might be Loki but he was married so we might've actually gotten a Sigyn variant. Take me back to when I thought he might be Sigyn and his wife the Loki variant. Hell, take me back to an hour ago when I thought I was just gonna ship another version of thorki. This is a terrible theory.

Loki my god you are terrible at talking to your amnesiac love interest

MOBIUS I THOUGHT YOU SAID ON THE MARKET FOR A SECOND AND I FREAKED

MOBIUS OH MY GOD STOP TRYING TO SELL PEOPLE JET SKIS AND THOSE ARE YOURS

HE REMEMBERS WORD FOR WORD WHAT MOBIUS SAID

YOU GUYS I HAD TO LOOK THAT UP FOR THE FIC TO GET IT RIGHT AND HE RECITES IT WORD FOR FUCKING WORD OFF THE CUFF

AND THAT'S WHEN I STARTED CRYING

LOKI GIVE HIM HIS MEMORIES BEFORE HE CALLS THE COPS I HATE THIS

IT'S OKAY OB YOU'RE GONNA MEET CASEY SOON HOLY SHIT THOUGH I'D CALL 18 MONTHS FAST AND HOW DID YOU FIND HIM

THAT'S WHAT HE SAID TO SYLVIE

LOKI GIVE HIM HIS MEMORIES HE HAS CHILDREN WHO DON'T HAVE A MOM

You can MOVE the time doors??

LOKI GIVE HIM HIS MEMORIES

ALSO WHERE THE FUCK IS SYLVIE

SPACE NAME

OH MY GOD THERE SHE IS, IN BROXTON JUST LIKE I SAID

OKAY THANK GOD

OH MY GOD THERE'S BRAD

YES HE SAID IT HE WANTS HIS FRIENDS BACK HE HAS FRIENDS HE'S NEVER HAD FRIENDS AND NOW HE DOES I'M NOT CRYING I WASN'T CRYING TWO HOURS AGO WHEN I WAS SHOUTING HE HAS FRIENDS NOW IN MY CAR I'M NOT CRYING YOU ARE

I'M FUCKING BAWLING WHO AM I KIDDING

SYLVIE IT'S OKAY FOR HIM TO WANT FRIENDS IT'S OKAY FOR HIM TO HAVE FRIENDS THAT'S NOT SELFISH THAT'S BEING A PERSON

CASEY SHUT UP AND JUST FLIRT WITH HIM

LOKI NO DARLING

DUDE YOU SAID THAT LIKE YOU'RE SELLING HER DRUGS

SYLVIE

YEAH WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN GIRL

CASEY

OB NO

MOBIUS, B-15

SYLVIE

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY DID THE FUCKING BLIP AGAIN

TIME LOOP FUCK THIS

FUCK NO FUCK THIS

NO NO

OH HE MEANT HIM OH THANK GOD I THOUGHT HE WAS ABOUT TO GO ALL SYLKI ON ME

LOKIIIIIIIIIIIII YESSSSSSSSSS <3

[basuralindo]

I've been requested to share my OctaViper sexuality analyses? headcanons? awful theories? for You'll Have Me Rise, so here it goes...

I've uh, put a lot of thought into this over time. So it's gonna be kinda long. Also obviously nsfw so I'm putting everything under the cut. Hope you enjoy my brainrot?

(warning for reference to the sexual trauma that's alluded to in the fic. and potential spoilers about how they think?)

So, this was originally a question about topping/bottoming, but there's gonna be bondage elements so I'm gonna go into dom/sub dynamics too.

Anyway first off, I think all of their preferences would vary at least a bit depending on who they're sleeping with specifically (and in what combination. Also I think trauma and comfort would definitely play a part in it because, like, that tends to be a thing with kink, so I'm just gonna kinda deep dive into all that character by character. (also sorry if this is incoherent, I don't have an excuse it's just very stream of consciousness and I'm not willing to fix or edit it)

Jamil: So, I think he would be kind of a switch because of conflicting emotional outlets? In day to day life, in nonsexual contexts, Jamil's always been forced to be in complete control at all times for other people's benefit. It's work for him, he's never had a say in the matter, it's unpleasant. And sexually, most of his experiences so far have been acts of service or causal sex with people who he fully expects to use him. His enjoyment doesn't get prioritized, and because of all his other life experiences, he's never expected it to. Basically, sex (and his body in general) has always been a tool primarily, and personal benefit is something he tries to squeeze in on the side if he gets the opportunity. So, once he's with people who actually give a shit (the octatrio), I think he'd be down to try anything that feels good and end up liking everything that's opposite of his experiences so far. With bondage, I think he'd really be drawn to subbing because it takes the control out of his hands and puts him in a position where he can't focus on servicing others even if he wanted to, so he has no options but to just relax into it and enjoy himself while someone else puts effort into making him feel good for a change. It's something that would make him feel valued and desirable and cared for. Outside of that, I think he would still bottom more often than not, but would also get more dominating at times because he'd get off on the power trip. He still has a vindictive streak after all, and has never gotten to have full control over a sexual experience on his terms before, so there would be incidences of him spontaneously initiating sex in a more aggressive way, or suddenly getting dominating halfway through. Of course, this would vary depending on the partner. Fact is, despite having a lot of sexual experience, Jamil hasn't actually experienced a lot of different kinds of sex, so there's still a lot of new things in store for him.

With Azul he would mostly sub, both because of Azul's own preferences and because Azul aggressively doting on Jamil is a large part of what won him over in the first place. ...Also... eight long prehensile limbs that happen to be really convenient for suspending and immobilizing a guy... But anyway, as they became more close and comfortable with each other I think Jamil would top now and then out of a genuine desire to cater to Azul and see him actually relax.

With Floyd, I think both of them would be a lot more aggressive and spontaneous, because spontaneous is how Floyd works, and he has a way of getting Jamil to match that tempo. It would center a lot on catharsis. He'd let Floyd get rough with him because he gets a thrill from the sense of danger and being in over his head. I also firmly believe that Jamil would be the most dominating towards Floyd, specifically because Floyd is so much larger and stronger and threatening, and therefore would provide the biggest power trip to dominate. Also, because Floyd would be really really into it. I think Floyd would have a thing for letting Jamil take out frustrations on him in bed, and Jamil would be happy to oblige because a part of him really wants that. It'd work out because they both know that Jamil can't do any serious damage to Floyd with his bear hands, and Floyd enjoys the minor damage, so he can really just let loose. They'd probably have a lot of soft intimate sex too, though, because I believe Floyd is (comparatively) the sweetest and most sincere out of the four of them, and is canonly observant enough to be really attentive when he's not too manic. Floyd would absolutely cuddle after, that's non negotiable, by which I mean he'd squish Jamil like a plushie and there is not a whole lot Jamil could do about it once he's in the death grip.

Jade.... Jamil would absolutely bottom Jade. Jade likes to see what makes Jamil tick and watch him squirm, and Jamil is actually still a little bit scared of Jade, which has started to become a turn on. Jamil is down to try anything just to see what it's like, and Jade likes to experiment on him and see how far he can go, so things can get weird. Also, these two are developing a friendship long before it turns into romantic feelings, so sex is more like a game between them. It's about fun and mischief moreso than romantic intimacy. When they're alone together, they have the kind of sex that would make Floyd and Azul worry. They have a mutual understanding that Floyd and Azul don't necessarily need to know about it.

With both the tweels at once, he'd probably end up either bottoming both, or switching between the two.

Azul: Azul has control issues, and cares more than he's willing to admit, he'd dom most of the time. I think he'd like soft cozy intimacy at times, but has difficulty letting his guard down enough for that to happen. He'd bottom sometimes, when he's feeling vulnerable and trusting, but probably wouldn't fully relinquish control. In general, he loves getting people to unravel in his hands, and gets a power trip over how much he can make them lose their minds. He's typically very meticulous about the scenarios, and focuses a lot on pleasing his partners. It gives him a sense of control over his surroundings and social environment, and the captive audience means he can't possibly be ignored or overlooked, especially when he can push their buttons until they can't deny that he's good at what he does.

With the tweels, they make a game of ganging up and seeing how far they can get before he restrains them. Their end goal is getting him to crack because it's fun, his end goal is showing them a good time because he's really just overwhelmed with affection whenever he's with them. I imagine their version of cuddling after is him wrapping them both up in tentacles and sandwiching himself between them like giant teddybears (or, y'know, the same way octopuses will hold objects over themselves to hide). The only reason they don't fall asleep together every night is because they all end up awake at odd, variable hours that don't always match up (and in Floyd's case, it varies wildy between manic and depressive episodes).

With just Jade, it's a whole production. I think these two would end up roleplaying a lot, and get really goofy around each other behind closed doors (Floyd absolutely ends up walking in on weird shit and laughing at them over it, usually gets dragged into it as revenge). He'd definitely dom, and also probably power bottom. Their version of cuddling after would be just hanging out in bed talking about plans and business shit.

Azul and Floyd bicker so much they end up having makeup sex pretty often. The rest of the time it's a battle of wills and depends a lot on Floyd's moods. Either Azul creeps on him while he's mellow and takes control of the situation, or Floyd gets rowdy and coaxes Azul into letting him top. Granted, when Floyd is rowdy and wants to top, it's extra satisfying to subdue and dominate him.

With Jamil he'd be very dominating, because he finally has Jamil's undivided attention and wants to prove he's worth his time. Azul may not know the full extent of it, but he can tell Jamil has never really been prioritized, and intends to take advantage of that as an opportunity to be the best he's ever had. It is on some level still an attempt at convincing Jamil to care about his existence, since he can't really believe anyone besides the twins would actually like him as a person. He's also, at this point, pretty fixated on the challenge of making Jamil completely lose his cool. Letting Jamil top is something he'd never really expect to happen until it did.

Jade: I actually have an idea of a traumatic backstory for Jade that I'm not gonna go into here, but the end result is that 1) He has a lot of trouble connecting and caring about other people, and no real interest in trying. And 2) He's actually a lot more emotionally dependant on Floyd and Azul than he lets on. I think he'd actually be way less likely to sleep around than the other two, but knows he can be sexually intimidating because his twin is, so he uses it to screw with people. He flirts to push people's buttons and see how they'll react, but usually follows that with just up and leaving before it actually gets anywhere. Just like with other social interactions, he observes how Azul and Floyd behave and how people react to them, then pieces it together in different ways and tests it out himself and observes what works. If it gets a reaction he likes, he adds it to his arsenal, if not then he scraps it and tries something new next time. He's very much confident in bed, but it's because he's already made sure that everything surrounding the encounter is safe and comfortable for him. With that in mind, his sexual preferences would depend almost entirely on who he's with.

Jade and Floyd like to gang up on their partners (all the better to escalate things), and know each other well enough to work as a unit. Jade usually defaults to kinda supporting whatever Floyd decides to do (like distracting them so Floyd can catch them off guard, or holding them down while Floyd tops), but will sometimes use that trust to allow a partner to get Floyd off guard for his own entertainment (and because he knows Floyd likes being surprised). He also kinda uses Floyd's behavior as a template to figure out how to behave in a situation, because they're unwholesomly codependent. With Azul they like to surprise and fluster him, and will top if they can get away with it, but the game is usually to get him to snap and strangle them a little. Jamil just, doesn't really stand a chance, he ends up subbing both if them unless Jade decides to help him gang up on Floyd. I'm leaving it up to reader's personal interpretations whether or not these two hook up with each other alone. I'm not gonna write any sex scenes between them and it wouldn't necessarily impact the plot either way, so picture whatever makes you happy/comfortable.

With just Azul he mostly subs, and tops when Azul wants it. He's most comfortable with Azul and likes to let him call the shots. He's more assertive with foreplay, but like Jamil, subbing is way for him to feel wanted and cared for. Idk how to explain the reasoning but I think he'd have a bit of a praise kink, and likes getting choked.

He knows Jamil is a safe option because they're involved with the same people, and Azul and Floyd wouldn't bring someone he couldn't trust this deep into the relationship, but that doesn't mean he's comfortable enough to bottom or sub. He also knows that Jamil with let Jade do whatever he wants to him, so long as it's not unpleasant, so he takes full advantage of that. He likes to see how far he can push Jamil, where he'll draw a line, shit like that. He's not used to sleeping with humans, and knows they're more fragile than him, but isn't sure exactly how fragile. So, naturally, he likes to gradually increase intensity until Jamil admits he can't take any more. Since he typically ends up subbing Azul, and tends to follow his example socially, the inevitable conclusion is that he'd try out the things Azul does to him on Jamil. He doesn't really admit it out loud, but he's growing fond of Jamil and actually tries to look out for his wellbeing.

Floyd: Floyd is a creature of passion, everyone he loves are creatures of calculated malintent. He's definitely not sweet and innocent, he's just more sweet and a little less evil than his partners, so naturally they choose to fuck with him a little more. As I've already kind of alluded to, Floyd is mostly a top and subs often. I don't think he'd initiate bondage on his own (too meticulous, not his style), but he ends up on the receiving end of it pretty often. Canon has implied that he gets a kick out of people that don't seem threatening kicking his ass, and just likes when someone can challenge him in general, and I'm running with that. I think he'd be into getting rough treatment from people smaller than him, and likes when they find ways to get the better of him. He'd also enjoy getting to be rough with someone who can take it, and who's able to stop him if they need to. He's pretty impulsive, and when manic would have trouble thinking things through completely, so he prefers for his partners to be able to reign him in on their own. He doesn't want to seriously hurt anyone he cares about, and the possibility would stress him out when he has clarity. I think he has a strong romantic streak, but often fails to communicate his thoughts or read the room, so his approaches get misinterpreted often. The other thing is that he'd change style depending on what his brain's up to (fun fact, bipolar be like that). While manic, he'd be kinda hypersexual and lose any reservations. Like he'd be more aggressive about initiating shit, would let people do whatever they want to him, and would try to do whatever he could get away with to them. Those are the points when people end up messing with and dominating him more, partially cause it's the only way to get him under control that he'll tolerate. While stable, he'd be more careful and attentive, and able to communicate and implement romantic intentions better. That's when more of the slow paced romantic sex would happen (as well as less extreme versions of his kinks), and he'd typically top and be more dominating. Depression episodes would lead to reclusing and avoiding everyone, and typically result in comforting makeouts that may or may not turn into very soft sex eventually.

Jade tends to stake out opportunities to team up on people, and Floyd initiates them. He likes working together because things tend to get chaotic and their partner is way more likely to lose all composure. Floyd allows himself to let loose more because he knows Jade will be able to reel him in.

He definitely bothers Azul while he's working, and thinks it's really cute when he gets all flustered and crabby about it. He bothers Azul extra when Floyd's the one who's supposed to be working, in the hopes that sex might distract Azul into not noticing he skipped out. When manic it's all fuck around (act aggressive and pushy) and find out (get restrained). When stable he's more calculated about initiating things, but is also more approachable, so Azul often gets to him first. Whether he's subbing or not, he usually tops because he's good at it, but also does intentionally aggravate Azul into fucking him sometimes

Jamil is new and interesting and pretty and challenging and mysterious and Floyd wants all his attention all the time. He gets jealous in a bratty way when Jamil is focused on other people for any reason, and is always looking for opportunities to get him alone. He winds up being naggy and inappropriate in public, and easily gets "overenthusiastic" during sex, but enjoys the scoldings, so nothing really discourages him unless there's a genuine risk of hurting Jamil. He often feels the overwhelming need to get his hands on Jamil and will try to drag him into any empty room or deserted part of campus that's closest. He's not as obvious or menacing about it as Azul and Jade, but he keeps pretty accurate track of Jamil's schedule and routes, and will hang around places that he knows Jamil will be passing through just to steal a few extra minutes with him. Whether it's sex or just flirting, he likes when Jamil gets mean, and REALLY likes when he gets violent. He wants to see Jamil show more passion and honesty, and whether that means strangling Floyd or crying in his arms, he's happy to accommodate it. When he's manic, he tends to go too far in riling Jamil up and enjoys when things escalate. He also is less careful and more at risk of doing damage, so Jamil has to be more forceful about stopping him. When he's stable, he's able to be more empathetic and can help Jamil wind down and work through things after an outburst.

No matter who he's with, he likes to cuddle after. With Azul that means either nagging him to stay in bed or following him around and hanging off his shoulders while he works. Jamil is usually exhausted and passes out after sex, so Floyd just scoops him up and holds him until he wakes up and fusses enough to be released. When Jade's involved, they usually stay up chatting while their partner sleeps between them.

[fandomsareforlife]

Anything But Ordinary

So I am late with this entry, but I wanted to write something for rarepair week! This is Griffin/Ash, and it is for the prompt "song-inspired." The song is "Ordinary" by Joriah Kwame, and yes I know the song is about a wlw romance, but I have had this and Mr. Brightside on loop for days and I couldn't get a fic to work with Mr. Brightside, so you get this.

Uh, tws are probably self esteem issues (Griffin basically is really down on himself), kissing (not really described but it is based off my experiences with kissing people), and like relationship issues? If you feel like there should be other triggers let me know.

Also, this was written partially as a projection fic and in 5 hours so sorry if it is incoherent. Probably will go back and edit it later.

Summary: Griffin hates how he has a crush on Ash. This makes everything so inconvenient. Really, couldn't this be done a different day.

I notice how she looks at me

Griffin wasn’t sure when he first noticed Ash staring at him. He didn’t know when he first realized that Ash wasn’t actually zoning out, but he was just looking at Griffin. Ash was watching him when he rambled on and on about different historical periods during an elemental master gathering. It was weird. 

But I pretend that I don't see It's easier if I let the tension subside

There were very few things Griffin hated more than causing a commotion. He didn’t like how people reacted so weirdly when they heard something they didn’t like. So Griffin decided that the best choice was to simply ignore it. If he did that, then he didn’t have to make things weird with his friend. It was a win-win solution. 

I've seen it in the books I read A magic that you cannot see There's no limitations, they wear it with pride

Griffin always had a guilty pleasure for trashy romance novels. Especially ones that had, master forbid, queer characters. He enjoyed reading how they get together, and he especially enjoyed them when there wasn’t any judgment about the fact that the couple was two guys or two girls, or anything besides a cis guy and a girl. There was something magical about them.

But the characters I read never act or look like me I can't depend on 'em to lead me through the right door

One reason Griffin liked those books might have been because the main characters never looked like him. They were pale, attractive, straight haired people who probably never were pulled aside somewhere by law enforcement to check to see if they were actually allowed to be there. They never felt like their bodies were betraying them. 

They weren’t like Griffin, and that meant that what happened to them would never happen to Griffin. It was comforting in a sick way. They couldn’t guide, just make him yearn for a difference.

And what's the point of falling when I know I'm only stalling? 'Cause I have to go back home

Griffin didn’t want to fall in love with Ash. He knew that it would just hurt him too much. He couldn’t bring Ash back to his tiny apartment, where it had to be just so or else Griffin felt like he would lose it. He didn’t want to risk it.

Where I'm just one in the herd, tripping ovеr my words Trying hard to go with the grain Keeping the quirks in my brain

Griffin tried really hard to fit in. He tried to not let the fact that he was a wreck out. He didn’t always succeed, though. Most people would look at him and think he was a weirdo. 

He didn’t want that to happen with Ash. Ash, who thought he was cool. Who thought he was actually social. He didn’t want that to go away. 

I'm on the brink of discovеry, I think But what if I'm dreaming? That's what it seems like

It felt like a dream, sometimes, thinking Ash actually liked him. The idea of it made Griffin feel all floaty and giddy, like he was in the best dream ever. He wanted to keep that feeling forever.

'Cause this girl thinks I'm part of her world And that new territory's scary

Ash seemed to actually want to be with Griffin, if the way he acted around him was anything to go. Griffin could not gather the courage to ask him about it, though. He was petrified about the idea that Ash would reject him, or he would feel obligated to pretend he reciprocated Griffin’s dumb crush. 

If I turn the handle, am I asking for a scandal? Should I try to be ordinary?

Trying to figure out what to do was hard. Griffin knew that the other elemental masters wouldn’t care (hopefully) but he knew others would. He knew he wasn’t worth the hassle, especially because it could tank Ash’s reputation.

 Baaah!

Griffin wanted to scream into his pillow. He didn’t like having these feelings. Why did this have to happen to him?

I've always been a little odd The only pea inside the pod That's not an expression, I'm guessing, oh well

It probably didn’t help matters that Griffin was always weird. He would always use expressions that didn’t exist, like “woke up in the middle of the bed,” and “the only pea in the pod.”  He would use them like everyone used them, and he would get upset that people would not understand what he meant. 

See? That's exactly what I mean! I'm just as awkward as I seem

It was just a fact of life. Griffin was painfully awkward. He would make jokes that everyone would just painfully laugh at. He would fidget whenever felt strong emotions.  He didn’t want to be wrong, but he couldn’t figure out how to fix himself. 

Plus, she makes me nervous, I hope she can't tell

Having a crush on a guy who Griffin genuinely liked hanging out with was the worst. Ash would do something so mundane like pull his hands through his hair, and Griffin would feel his face turned warm. He hated how he got so flustered by a stupid crush. 

What is it she sees in this cluster clump of me? Or, could it maybe be I'm going crazy?

He couldn’t figure out what Ash liked about him. Griffin was just a nervous wreck. Maybe Griffin was just dreaming, a bit of wistful thinking. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time. 

And hey, who am I kidding? This isn't some sweet beginning Just a detour to the end

Griffin didn’t like to think he was someone who kid himself, but he clearly had to be. He was trying to convince himself he was actually worthy of having a crush on. He was deluding himself, trying to stall the inevitable let down. 

Then back to the herd, tripping over my words Trying hard to go with the grain

Griffin had to try and keep being normal. It was exhausting. He kept faltering, getting flustered and mixing up what he wanted to say and wanted to hide. But he had to keep doing it. He had to fit in.

Keeping the quirks in my brain

 Griffin didn’t have great luck with relationships. He would hate kissing whoever he was with. It was icky to him. He kept trying to get over it, but it was hard. He also liked being quiet with his partner. He could be loud, but sometimes he wanted to be quiet. People who asked him out didn’t like that.

Maybe that was why he wanted to be with Ash. He was also quiet, and seemed pretty nice. He would probably not care about Griffin being weird. 

First Master, Griffin was hopeless. 

I'm on the brink of discovery, I think But what if I'm dreaming?

Ash did a lot of little things that made Griffin’s heart flutter, and that gave Griffin the smallest bit of hope Ash felt the same about him. He would grab his hand and squeeze. He would lean his head on Griffin’s shoulder and just breathe. He would ruffle Griffin’s hair and laugh into it.  

Griffin wanted that to mean that Ash actually really liked him. Like, ‘like-like’ him. ‘Wanted to be in a relationship with him’ like him. 

Do I rewind? Induce amnesia? Pretend I didn't see her? Succumb to stupid fear?

It was just a stroke of luck that Ash and Griffin were going to be stuck together by themselves, supposedly for bonding. They were going to meet at a bookstore, and then get lunch. It would be a perfect date. This would be a perfect moment to confess to him, to ask him if he felt the same. 

But should Griffin do that? Should he let so much of himself out there? Should he say “fuck it” to his fears? 

Would it be easier to just not say anything, not take the risk?

Or just believe in my heart?

Griffin wanted to let himself hope for this so badly. He wanted to follow what his heart wanted. He wanted to tell Ash what he felt. 

Why play a part?

Why is Griffin so scared of telling Ash? It probably isn’t just rejection. Griffin had told a lot of people who he knew would reject how he felt.

Is it because he knows that people view him as a ladies man, and he wants to fit into the stereotype? Is he making himself not confess what he feels because he knows it goes against everything?

Well, that is dumb. Fuck it. Griffin can handle rejection. 

Why follow the herd?

Griffin knew that traditionally one brought flowers to confess to their crush. But Griffin didn’t think Ash would like flowers. Instead, he made him a wood carving of a duck. Hopefully it wouldn’t get thrown back in his face.

Why not trust in my words?

Griffin had written down some bullet points for his confession, but he didn’t make a speech like he usually did. He wanted this to be true, from the heart. 

Don't wanna go with the grain! Why try to make myself plain?

Griffin allowed himself to ramble on about his feelings for Ash. He didn’t look Ash in the eyes. He hoped that his words were enough to convey how he felt. He knew that he was weird, and he didn’t want to let Ash in on false pretenses. He wanted Ash to know he was weird too. 

I'm on the brink of rediscovery, I think

Ash didn’t say anything, but he didn’t look mad or upset. He looked shocked, but his expression was slowly morphing into a soft one. He softly chuckled, and then Ash grabbed Griffin’s hand. 

So what if I'm dreaming? I like the scene that I'm in

Griffin let a small smile tug at his lips when Ash brought up to his face. He felt panic bubble through him when Ash took off his glasses. He knew his eyes looked very odd, with one being red and green and the other being blue and yellow. The colors of Time. 

Ash called him pretty in such an awe filled voice Griffin let himself relax. Ash asked if he could kiss Griffin. Griffin grinned, and pulled Ash closer. 

And this girl is a part of this world

They were kissing, and it might not be physically pleasant, but Griffin loved the closeness of it. He adored the fact that Ash was letting him so close to him. He liked the hand on his back, stabilizing him but not pushing him closer. He noted Ash either used bubblegum toothpaste or was just eating some. Ash didn’t pull him closer, and he let Griffin keep his distance. He also was okay with Griffin not really participating. It was nice. 

Griffin let himself smile into the kiss. He may not enjoy it for the physical parts, but the closeness was lovely. 

The thought of being normal's far more scary

Griffin realized that maybe he had a different opinion on what normal should be. He didn’t want a normal relationship where he had to kiss a lot, only sometimes. He wanted to be in a relationship where they could be quiet without it being awkward. 

Huh. Maybe he and Ash were a far better pairing than he thought. 

I'll be brave and I'll be kind

Griffin wanted to let himself be able to go out with Ash, and he wanted to be brave enough to tell people that he was with him romantically. He wanted to be able to go out and explain he was in a relationship with a guy and was perfectly a guy.

I'll make a choice and change my mind

Griffin didn’t want to tell Ash he was ever going to regret going out, but he did admit that he had a flightiness to him that made it hard for others. He wanted to have a schedule, but he could change his mind at a moment’s notice. Ash just rolled his eyes and said that he was the same.

I will mess up all the time

Griffin knew he made a lot of mistakes, and he knew that they had consequences. He told Ash that he was going to make a lot of mistakes. But he knew that he could get back up. 

They'll say I'm weird, but I'll be fine

Griffin knew he was weird, but he realized that if one person wanted him, then others had to. He realized that he could be weird, and he still had someone who loved him. Griffin was always going to be weird, but that was okay. 

I'll be anything but ordinary

Griffin didn’t want to be ordinary. He wanted to break the habit of forcing himself to be in a box. He could be extraordinary, and he was strong enough now to let himself be weird. 

Griffin grabbed Ash’s hand and they walked towards the bookstore. There were books to read. 

[checkers-dance]

hello oomf... i have returned here, sadly... because i had a really weird dream last night, and kihyun was in it. i actually have been dreaming a lot about mx lately? this is like the third dream they're in this week jfnvjfvn. but this one is especially bizarre??? and also it had MLP IN IT???? and i actually can't remember a majority of it, most of this is just going to be me trying my best to put the plot together, which was a little bit hard. but anyway here's what i think happened.

so apparently in this dream i had a brother and one day he went missing?? and i was like "why aren't we searching for my brother..." but no one wanted to talk about it and i was like, really disturbed by it. i think a lot of the dream revolved around me trying to navigate this issue, and i think i had a sister (not my real life sister, some made up character) and i was trying to convice her to run away with me so we could search for our brother, but she was hesitant. so here's where kihyun comes in, for some reason he was in my house??? like, he was just vibing??? and it wasn't weird??? and i have no idea if in the dream i actually knew who he was, but i remember thinking "he's not related to me, so maybe he can give us an outside perspective." so me and my sister dragged the poor guy into a room and we like traumadumped to him, we gave him the whole backstory, and we asked for his opinion. i don't remember what he said, but the gist of it was that he thought it was a good idea to go look for him since no one else seemed to want to. kihyun leaves, and now my sister is convince to run away with me. but this is where the mlp comes in. the dream changes and now it was the same story but acted out by mlp characters??? so instead of me, it was rarity, and instead of my sister it was maud (one of pinkie pie's sisters). and yes they were related. but the plot ends with them climbing down the house from a window and then running away together to find their brother (who might have become a sister at this point in the dream? unsure).

really incoherent dream, but here's my theory for why it happened. first of all, like i said i've just been dreaming a lot abt mx lately, idk why my brain chose kihyun of all people, but the mx part of the story is honestly the least strange part njfnvjfv. the interesting thing is really the rest of it, and i THINK i know why my brain conjured up such a weird plot. so a couple of days ago, i was watching this video summarizing an old mlp creepypasta that was very popular back in the day, and i became really interested in it. a lot goes on in that story, but the part that matters is that pinkie pie has this sister literally called minkie pie and their parents hate her so much that they LOCK HER UP IN THEIR DUNGEON. it's so silly, and i've been thinking so much about pinkie's long lost emo sister, i was literally thinking about it right before i fell asleep. so i think that's why the plot involved the whole long lost sibling thing, and i think that's also why it suddenly became mlp in the end, and ALSO why my brain chose maud as a character specifically (she is pinkie's canonical emo sister after all).

BUT ANYWAY THAT WAS THE DREAM + THE THEORY. not very mx related, but still one for the history books. SORRY THAT THIS ASK CAME OUT SO LONG... IT WAS A LOT.

HELP GJSKFKSKFKSKF we should keep a score of which mx members appear in ur dreams bc I think this is the first time kihyun is there. Anyway I think it would be rlly funny if ur long lost brother from the dream was changkyun bc I'm p sure u had another dream at some point where u dreamed changkyun was ur brother. So I think I've connected the dots here. Also the mlp creepypasta itself sounds v changkyun-core 😭😭 (changkyun is minkie pie and jooheon is pinkie pie). Maybe I should have a tag for ur dreams so we can keep track

[beautifully-lumpy]

✨ RAMBLY POST ABOUT THE CADDICARUS SPYRO VIDEO ✨

non-spoiler thoughts:

THIS VIDEO WAS AMAZING!!! it was everything i ever wanted and more. i'm an old ancient caddicarus fan from 2014 and oh my goooooddddd i loved this video. i loved it so much. it was beautiful amazing wonderful immaculate i want to marry it. nay, i want to marry the entire goddamn 2020-present caddicarus show.

i can't think of any jokes that fell flat in this episode. like usually there are at least a few that fall flat but this episode was wonderfully written.

it's like...i've been waiting 8 years for this video. there was a point in caddicarus history where we were certain the channel would never hit a million due to the stagnation it was experiencing in the late 2010's. the spyro video was becoming less and less of a possibility...until caddy changed up his content.

this change happened just under a year after i stopped watching, though. for two and a half more years, i kept hesitating and hesitating to watch the newer videos...until he actually hit one million subs. i was sitting in the college library on my first day of junior year when that happened, and i realized at that moment i HAD to return. so i watched the newer videos and was like "holy shit they really are as amazing as they say".

so the spyro video was my first new caddicarus episode since returning to the fandom...and man...i just missed that feeling so much. that wondrous feeling of getting a notification for a caddicarus episode. it's a feeling i hadn't felt in nearly 4 years.

OK BUT LIKE i have so muuuch stuff i wanna do rn. gifs, fanart, edits, etc...like BROOOO. i've fully been transformed back into my teenage self making tons of caddicarus fan-stuff for each new video that drops lmao.

and now for the spoilery thoughts... (this will be very incoherent i'm sorry)

ok but the CAMEOS? genius. if this video was made in 2016 i GUARANTEE he would've dedicated like 2 minutes to each of them, and they would've been saying stuff like "CADDY, PLEASE do NOT play this game, i played this on MY channel and it will CURSE YOU for LIFE!!!". but nope, the cameos lasted like 2 seconds each and almost ALL of them were just them being slightly caught off guard. I LOVE THIS GODDAMN SHOW SO MUCH.

and THE CADDYS RETROSPECTIVES INTRO!! I REMEMBER THAT! I CLAPPED!!!!

and THE BEGINNING CAMEO WITH THE NORMALBOOTS GUYS AND BRUTALMOOSE......crying

it's so funny that the few side characters we saw return in this were spons, baddy, long dennis and sam widge...but we got a shitton of new side characters. AND I LOVE THEMB.......WHEREDIGO MY BELOVED. face face is my new favorite eldritch horror, the COW... and the NEW LONDON COCKNEY CHARACTER WHO PULLED UP TO BEEFY BOYS. i DEADASS thought jim was gonna bring back quick J and was kinda disappointed he didn't jiaowefjoife. but he DID bring back daddy caddy so it's a good compromise.

OH AND WALLACE BIG TOO....AND COUSIN SQUADDY had me laughing my ASS off.

but obviously andrew van is the greatest caddicarus character of all time.

i have lots of favorite bits in this one, like the one where he puts on the clown shoes and kills moneybags. i also loved the one where he greenscreened himself skateboarding, and the return of that bit where he was flying out of the window to katamari music (it was some 2016 video i forgot what it was jsjsjjsjsj), and he ALSO brought back that "just melt it. i'll soak it up. i'll eat it" bit from the spyro orange video. and the SURPRISE MEXICAN BOUNS ROUND...god i'm going to reference this every time i go to a mexican restaurant.

that PUZZLE BIT...jim is such a genius like HOW. HOW does he come up with these things.

and i'm pretty sure that "you have to collect diamonds to FAST TRAVEL???" was a reference to "NOT EVEN THE ARCADE MODE???" from rascal racers

AND I'M NOT SHUTTING UP ABOUT THIS. MATRIX JIM. I WAS CHOKING,,,,

we got some new songs, notably "pink poo bag on your keys" and "i got a million subs". i will have lots of fun learning all the words to these and annoying the hell out of my sister with them.

i hope dead bird of the week becomes a regular thing.

and HOLY SHIT HE JINXED THE REPEAT OF THE CHEESE GRATER INCIDENT. WHY JIM. WHY.

[percysjakcson]

Okay so, Newt is confirmed gay and honestly @dashner.... we’ve been knew

Anyways, it’s great if he’s being honest about this and not just - ya know - jumping on the wagon of confirming characters as lgbtq+ only after they die/are about to die and/or the series is over

BUT! I have some thoughts about this and the Crank Palace that for some reason I feel the need to share so....

*some thoughts under the cut cause there are SPOILERS for Crank Palace!!!*

Okay so I honestly feel like Dashner threw away a great opportunity to.... like... continue the story?? 

I mean........ I haven’t read Crank Palace yet, BUT! As far as I understand, Newt wasn’t dead when Thomas left him. He wasn't dead after Thomas shot him?!?!? Again I haven’t read the book, only saw text posts about it here on tumblr, but from what I understand he was found by WIKED and they tried to save him. 

So.... why not let them succeed? I mean.... why. What is the point of this book and of having him “survive” the shot only to just....... let him die 

If he was after money/milking the tmr series again, then he had the perfect opportunity right there. He could have left the door open for a possibility of a new story... Newt is probably the most beloved character of the series and he just confirmed him gay, he could have let him live and write another book and tbh? I would read that one. I don’t know if I’m gonna read Crank Palace, I don't really feel like going through that suffering again, only to see Newt die... again..

Anyways, am I going somewhere with this post? Probably not, but I just needed to vent for a moment. I just... love Newt so much and if you know me, you know how passionate I am about newtmas and the tmr fandom in general 😂 

I just.... if you wanna go with the fanservice, then go all the way lmaooo! But no, the man had to go with the bury your gays trope...... meh