#sorry guys I really want to contribute to fandom
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One of the pups has decided that now that I’m not having hundreds of dollars each paycheck bled out by the various effects of months of repeated intense storms in the area that she’s free to have an out of nowhere incredibly rare for her size/breed bloat issue, resulting in a 7-10k emergency surgery. Which means most vacation/staycation/extra days off to Do Things plans this year have been cancelled to make way for a continuation of the overworking for me and alas, less time for fic writing will be ongoing until further notice. :/
Pup is currently hospitalized but okayish. Surgeon said she was the best case of this particular issue she’d ever seen and her organs look amazing for her age.
I miss writing so much! I wish RL wasn’t being such a pain at getting in the way of that.
#I had a three day weekend this weekend#got through about a day and a half of that#then dealing with the emergency#sorry guys I really want to contribute to fandom#but I also have spent two years of my life homeless#due to money issues#from my own emergency medical surgery#so not too keen on doing that again#to the point where I work 10-12 hour days#which is a major siphon on brainpower#I’m making more than ever and actually get overtime pay now#but the first fourth of this year was very expensive#the agonizing process of fic writing#rl happenings
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Pokemon AU my absolute beloved 🙏🙏
(Translation for Ford's cursive/complete image description in the ALT text ❤️)
Made a companion piece to this!! See it here ❤️
#yeah i drew this instead of literally anything else i should be drawing#i love pokemon AUs guys i know there are already some in this fandom but i wanted to contribute 😭#I'm rewatching pokemon rn and I really couldn't help myself#cole's art#gravity falls#art#grunkle stan#stanley pines#grunkle ford#ford pines#mullet stan#pokemon#pokemon au#image description in alt#🙏#it feels wrong not to draw Stan with wolf ears that's literally the only way i draw him anymore 😭#I don't draw ford enough sorry he looks weird 😢#gravity falls pokémon au
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the training montage in crossroads re-ignited a headcanon i had of geralt waking up and doing gymnastics, performing kickflips and mid-air spins around on a fencepost outside an hour before sunrise to ‘limber up,’ and bleary-eyed dandelion wrapping himself up in a blanket to be like "heyyy... what the hell are you doing 💖"
#if you're wondering what kind of moves he's doing he's standing on a fencepost and doing your typical flexibility stretches#but alternating between reps of stretches with kickflips from one post to the other#like ciri training in kaer morhen#i'm not going to lie witchers are cool but fandom ruined them a bit for me and now crossroads has given me that childlike wonder back#because fandom heard 'physical ability and stamina' and did you know what with it#but the agility and precision of witchers remain so underrated. as part of the deconstruction of the superhuman trope#geralt doesnt really show off as much in the books and does cool stuff only when needed but#like when (mentioned) he hit the rat in the darkness with his thrown fork... as a party trick#and killing renfri's men in the market at blaviken... and killing the scoia'tael on thanedd#and RUNNING ALONG THE BRIDGE on the battle of the bridge#and the nilfgaardians were amazed and they WERE AMAZED AS THEY DIED!!!!!!!!#and killing rience's mercenaries who didn't know who they were fighting so they were like hey what the fuck... what the fuck#i'm literally back to witcher 101 basics here. nothing interesting to contribute but like a little boy i am just smiling and saying#'dude geralt of rivia is soooo cool he can like fight a bunch of guys with his sword'#half of me wants to seek deeper themes and half of me is just like YOOO GERALT SO COOL !!#listen... there is a time to plant a time to reap#a time to analyze and a time to geek#i should probably just watch a bunch of ballet or best of gymnastics comps and i'll find what i'm looking for#also sorry CROSSROADS OF RAVENS SPOILERS artamon dying was a hilarious moment i know it was like oooh this will have consequences#but it was nice to have the evil antagonist get merked in the sme chapter as he's fucking introduced#and not even by mature experienced geralt but by some literal eighteen year-old who he tried pulling a fast one on#1) i was happy that sapkowski didn't drag it out terribly. this was humorous and refreshing after in season of storms#2) geralt almost riding off but having a feeling to go back... listen i know it's so cliche and it's giving lady of the lake chapter 4#where he eavesdrops in the caves under castle zubarran and just happens to hear stefan skellen reveal that vilgefortz was in castle stygga#but it also was satisfying to me because after reading the hussite trilogy#where reynevan (stupid and young man; like geralt here) DOES NOT LEARN after several. SEVERAL lessons#i was honestly worried for a second that we were going to get a reynevan moment. but no. because this is geralt and not reynevan#and seeing geralt develop critical thinking skills in real time was not only satisfying but a bit funny#and yes nostalgiabaiting me#like omggggg yesss his detective skills yesss that's so geralt of him
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One major factor missing from most debates on Arya and Lyanna's beauty is that they're being judged by their society's extremely patriarchal values. In both looks and personality, that context is essential to understanding how others perceive them. George explores the misogyny experienced by non-conforming women, especially with Arya, and it's interesting how he plays with that regarding their physical beauty.
Her mother used to say she could be pretty if she would just wash and brush her hair and take more care with her dress, the way her sister did. (The Blind Girl, ADWD) "You never knew Lyanna as I did, Robert," Ned told him. "You saw her beauty, but not the iron underneath. She would have told you that you have no business in the melee." (Eddard VII, AGOT)
These two quotes offer a nice summation of this idea. With Arya, her supposed lack of beauty is defined by her being a non-conforming wild child. Her hair is messy, her face is dirty, and she's often in "lower class" clothing while engaging in unladylike activities. None of this says anything about her physical beauty but it tells us everything about how she's perceived. Arya could be pretty...If she conforms to society's standards for a highborn Lady. With Lyanna, however, we get the opposite. Where Arya is judged based on her personality, Robert's romanticization of Lyanna is rooted solely in her looks. He doesn't know anything about the person she really was. There is an assumption that, because she looked a certain way, her personality must fit and Robert imagines her much softer and more passive than she actually was.
That Arya isn't pretty or Lyanna wasn't wild are two perceptions that George specifically pushes back against. This is where people miss the brilliance of them being linked as literary mirrors; it is largely about us learning more about Lyanna, but it touches on more than that. The significance of them being written as wild, willful, and with their own beauty is that George isn't writing his female characters around patriarchal expectations. When people debate their beauty, that's often the trapping they fall into. Beauty and non-conformity are treated as mutually exclusive factors when the story itself never makes that point; this is also the logic that leads people to the (incorrect) conclusion that Lyanna and Arya aren't meant to be similar. Arya's self-esteem issues around her looks and being a Lady make this a topic certain to be addressed in the future; George has made it a part of the story. The conclusion shouldn't be that "looks don't matter", but that looks aren't indicative of a character's value, personality, or morality.
#arya stark#lyanna stark#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#I know we're tired of this topic but I'm going to keep bringing it up until people base their analysis on what's actually in the books#it's not about needing/wanting Arya to be pretty it's about! the story being told#and it's just frustrating that this is such a highly debated topic that lacks all the nuance it's handled with in the source material#among a lot of other reasons people miss this point because they miss the way misogyny is handled in Arya's chapters#they think her being non-conforming mean she has some super special privilege that makes her exempt from it#Arya being pretty is a relatively small part her character but the message behind it contributes to a larger picture#and the biggest shame about this whole debate is that it misses genuinely brilliant writing#it's just absurd to be that /female character being non-conforming and pretty/ is beyond this fandom's comprehension skills#you guys really just want to force them into being flat no-nuance archetypes for easier consumption#Arya and Lyanna...I'm so sorry this fandom can't handle you because they hate women#mind you several people refer to Arya as pretty but apparently every single one of them is lying/unreliable because...reasons#this fandom truly has zero comprehension skills
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If you don't mind me asking, do you read fanfiction? Either for Top Gun or other fandoms you're in?
Yes! Not for Top Gun though. if you follow me at all you know how truly tapped out of the fandom i am. my typical fandom experience is as follows: for 99% of fandoms i am a consoomer and never a poaster. for 1% of fandoms (TG included) i am a poaster and not a consoomer. I don’t consume any TG fanworks besides my own. Which is why, if you’re asking yourself, why does compacflt act like theirs is the only right interpretation, it’s because mine is the only interpretation im ever exposed to lol. i do really feel bad about not being more connected to the fandom—but i think it’s just a writing thing, i don’t want to be unduly influenced by others’ work. maybe once i stop writing i can enjoy what other people have done. but also i know the second i stop writing my very specific interpretation im not gonna be interested in top gun anymore because it’s those issues i find interesting, so…
i havent been reading much FF lately cause i don’t really have any active fandoms now that succession is over. need to find me some new IP. but when I do read ff i have exorbitantly high standards so i read very little anyway lol
#compacflt is going through her annoying arc#why am i interested in top gun? cause im interested in my own writing lol#it’s very selfish. i apologize for that.#i am just poasting & not really engaging. sorry.#i do feel very isolated in this fandom sometimes but that’s entirely my own doing so don’t ever let me get away with complaining about it#no idea if i am contributing to the broader conversation in any way (because i refuse to look)#so just want to thank everyone who interacts with me ❤️ im just some guy with some thoughts#the village loon yelling on a street corner about ‘top gun conservatism’ ‘us navy homoerotic homophobia’ etc#none of those words are in the bible#so thanks for reading anyway.#always such a privilege to hear from you guys.#not top gun
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#i know nobodys really lurking around waiting for me#but just in case i thought id leave this#and like a coward#imma do it at the time i know most of my mutual are offline#anywayyyyyy#im just not feeling great guys im not gonna lie#tbh shits been piling up for a long time#special love to the pedro fandom cause i managed to hyperfixate on it long enough to fend some off#but it's getting bad again#im really grateful for all the love the cm and pedro fandom gave me#and all the lovely friends i managed to find despite the fact that i contribute nothing but vaguely unhinged tags and thots#i know im leaving a couple of series unread in the middle and im sorry about it#The Big Sad is making things hard and irl is kicking my butt big time#there's nothing i want more than to hang out with y'all banging pots and pans and screaming about your talent#but its hard to bring up any kind of enthusiasm right now#and i dont wanna half ass tags/comments when you guys put such soul into your work#so its not goodbye its just a tiny break (hopefully) while i try to smack my brain into submission#I'll try to leave some stuff in the queue#kisses and hugs to you all#raven talks
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Okay, i’m sorry, i know this is an ode to the specific fanfic experience of seeing the story develop with the author, and that’s awesome and beautiful. But it’s also super fucking condescending. “If you want a finished story, go to a bookstore” are you 5? I don’t read unfinished fanfics for a reason. Some of us have a schedule with no room for just 1 chapter per week. Some of us son’t have the time or energy or mindset to wait to know the end. Some of us just don’t want to. Most of us have memory issues. And you or anyone else has no right to say whether that’s a less valid way of experiencing fanfics or not. The author notes don’t become less interesting as time passes. Nuanced readers can and will feel shifts in the story and go “oh the writer is thinking smthn different here, oh let’s gooooo”. We leave comments every chapter too. We’re not doing anything that’s hurting anyone.
Is it true that authors feel more enthusiasm for writing when there’s readers from the beginning? Absolutely.
Is binge culture harmful for the streaming industry? Yes.
Am I gonna make myself hate fanfics because some asshole on tumblr told me I’m not a Real Fanfic Reader if I don’t follow unfinished works from the beginning and then forget with every new chapter what happened before and spend time and effort into remembering or rereading the previous chapters until it looks so much like homework, I stop reading alltogether? No. Fuck off. This isn’t a club. This is fandom. And anyone can and should experience fandom the way it is comfortable for THEMSELVES. We’re not. Hurting. Anyone. We’re just slower.
not reading wips feels anti-fanfiction to me. and i don't mean that in a "so you're a bad person if you don't read them" kinda way. do what you want. but i also feel, that you are completely missing the point. with fanfiction you're supposed to come along for the ride. the epic highs and lows of highschool football. the comment sections. the conversations. the theories. the "sorry i didn't update last week i was abducted by aliens and then my cat got stuck in a tree." LIKE. if you just want a story that's fully finished and polished go to a bookstore. fanfic is an EXPERIENCE. and ALSO. participating in the process is part of the way you make fanfic writing worth while. it's part of how you thank authors. like why would anyone write fanfiction if no one was going to interact with them until it was done? it again feels like a way that fanfiction is being eaten by consumer culture. you're waiting for your product. but this is supposed to be a club. you don't turn up to drama club like "where's my play bitch?" NO ma'am. we're supposed to paint these cardboard trees together. ok. i may have lost control of this metaphor. BUT YOU GET IT.
#I’m really sorry okay#i know this is probably a vent post but like vent post for what?#for people not wanting to read unfinished stories?#who tf am i hurting exactly??#telling the author to keep going cus you like what they’re writing is you guys’ job#I’m not going into authors’ comments like I REFUSE TO READ THIS UNLESS IT’S FINISHED like that’s fucking mental#And if authors don’t finish their story cus there’s not enough interested people then im sorry but I’m not responsible for another person’s#motivation#if a writer has a story that they need to tell they will finish it#whether that’s public or not is their own business#i’m sorry if this feels like a personal attack OP but i’ve been recovering from surgery#most of my time has been spent on reading (finished) fanfics#you accidentally coming on my dash and yelling I’m not a real fanfic reader or contributing to fandom cummunity#even tho I’m a fandom artist AND have published fanfics myself#really hit a nerve#you can’t police who’s in the fandom and who’s not#that’s so immature and not what fandom is about
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I Got Really Into Anti/Proship Discourse And Read +30 Academic Studies - My Findings
(It’s a Yapfest but the whole post is a very long essay and study on morality and fiction and children’s safety and rape culture with a fuckton of freely accessible academic articles and resources on the subject, and I want to talk to other people about it. For a shorter abstract with all the articles and more easily ignored yapping, see my shiny new Carrd:)
It’s been a little shocking lately to have certain discussions with some parts of fandom. I spoke about shipping/harassment and how that contributes to the death of fandom on TikTok assuming that younger folks are just really, really intense about preventing sexual violence, but the more I saw the words “morally wrong” and “disgusting” and “addiction,” the more I thought about this guy-
That’s Jerry Falwell, and I fucking hate this dead guy. You see, Jerry Falwell was a preacher who hated porn, feminism, and homosexuality. And I'm seeing his rhetoric and reworked quotes a lot.
Jerry would say stuff like:
“Pornography hurts anyone who reads it - garbage in, garbage out.”
“Someone must not be afraid to say ‘moral perversion is wrong.’ If we do not act now, homosexuals will ‘own’ America!”
Jerry wanted people to believe that it’s possible to see so much sexual content that it warps your sexuality, because he was gay and wanted to think that was due to thinking about gay sex too much. Jerry did not have a lot of evidence to prove that homosexuality was harmful, so he relied heavily on how “morally distasteful” it seemed to be to suburban Americans.
I spent the majority of my teen years arguing against Jerry’s rhetoric for the right to live as a lesbian online, and I never thought I’d see morality rhetoric in people I’m otherwise very politically aligned with. And I definitely never thought fandom of all things, in all its beautiful subversive glory, would seriously start advocating for censorship, anti-porn, and to consume fanwork with moral purity.
So, I’d like to have a deeper discussion on it, both here on Tumblr and on TikTok, but that does mean checking a few things at the door:
Personal feelings decide your personal life. What you feel is valid for you, not anyone else.
In general, things that do not cause direct and undeniable harm should not be broadly prohibited just because they’re weird or distasteful to the majority of folks. Ex. Loitering does not cause harm and is a tool of systemic oppression.
The discussion of “fictional CSEM” is the most inflammatory fork of this and it is often used to derail these kinds of conversations. This is all I will say on it - the legal status of explicit visual depictions of minors is muddy. In the US, there is just one dude in Utah who pled guilty for possessing explicit lolicon he bought by mail order without also possessing CSEM with real children, and explicit writing about fictional minors has been settled as protected free speech. Dedicated organizations from the NCMEC to Chris Hansen have asked that fictional content is not reported as CSAM as it is not actionable and clogs up finite resources. 90% of NCMEC reports were not actionable last year. There are studies suggesting that virtual CSEM or other non-victim alternatives could reduce actual child harm, but there is need for further research.
We’re all in agreement that untagged NSFW is not cool, and kids deserve kid-only sections of the internet. People who are triggered by or dislike problematic content deserve to be able to not see it. 👍
(I’ve seen the argument that blocking tags/people should not be required - sorry, PTSD still requires that you manage your triggers, up to and including swearing off platforms just as I have sworn off bars/soap brands/etc to avoid my triggers.)
I have found a lot of accessible and free articles and studies that I will link throughout so that we can discuss the fact-based reasoning, in an effort to have a civil conversation.
(Also because we are not flat earthers, we are Fandom, and if we’re going to be annoying little shitheels in an “Um Actually” contest, we’re going to have the sources to back it up.)
Minors and Explicit Material
I’m not supporting minors engaging with explicit material. I have such little interest in the subject that I’m not even going to bring in articles, but you can feel free to. I personally engaged with explicit material as a preteen of my own free will and did not find it to be harmful, and the majority of people throughout human history have been exposed to explicit material at an early age with varying degrees of harm. There are undeniable legal and harm-driven differences between a 12 year old girl looking at Hustler on her own, a 14 year old boy being sent nudes from a grown woman, and a 6 year old viewing PornHub. (And I think the guardians of that 6 year old should be charged with grooming just like the woman, tbh.)
Personal Disclaimer
I’m an adult survivor of CSA and incest. I’m a happily married adult. I don’t personally like lolicon/shotacon/kodocon. I don’t like kids. I don’t like teens. I’m personally not attracted to underage fictional characters. I have family, the idea of fucking any of them makes me want to throw up and die, so I don’t write or read RPF of my family.
I am really, really fucking intense about preventing sexual violence, supporting survivors, and fandom, which is where this all comes from.
I read and love problematic fiction - my favorites are ASOIAF, Lolita, and VC Andrews. The most “problematic” thing I’ve personally written are Lucifer/Michael fics from Supernatural back in 2012. They are “brothers” in CW Christ, not blood. They do not have any blood.
Gen Z and Online Grooming
In 2002, a survey of 1500 minors from 10-17 found that 4% had been solicited for sexual purposes by an adult online.
In 2023, that number increased to 20%.
While the linked 2023 Thorn report suggests that the vast majority of these inappropriate interactions happened on platforms that allow for interpersonal communication, which by and large minors were greatly discouraged from and had less access to in the early 2000’s, a trauma-informed approach does not allow for blame to fall on the children. The guardians of those children have monumentally failed to restrict and educate before giving children the means to access those platforms.
It is my uncited but personal opinion that the increased rate of grooming, as well as an increased interest in combating rape culture, has led to well-intentioned individuals to become digital vigilantes attacking those who they hold responsible for their traumatic experiences in a search for catharsis and justice denied for themselves as well as a desire to make the internet safer for other children, whom they are increasingly aware are entering online spaces unsupervised at distressingly young ages.
Is harassment and bullying bad for perpetrators of it?
Before we get into how ship-related hate campaigns do not affect predation or combat rape culture, we should acknowledge that it’s actually pretty harmful for the people who cyberbully. Not just in the legal/social consequences, but people who participate in cyberbullying and cyberhate campaigns have higher rates of depression, estrangement from their parents, self-effacing habits, social anxiety, lower empathy, and so forth.
One study suggests that the treatment and prohibitive for cyberbullying, which contributes to a culture of cyberhate and a lower likelihood to report or confront other incidents of harassment or toxicity online, can be combatted with media competency to increase empathy along with other important life skills.
Some Common Pro-Censorship Myths
“Pornography is Addictive/Consumption of Pornography Leads to Increasingly Hardcore Imagery And Ultimately Real-World Violence” - The American Psychological Association does not recognize Porn Addiction as real and the DSM-5 does not classify it as an addiction. Additionally, many methods used in articles claiming that porn is addictive or causes users to seek out more hardcore material were flawed or biased. There is actually some evidence that compulsive porn use, the closest you can get to a porn addiction diagnosis, is associated with shame and the user’s belief that pornography is morally wrong, which sex-negative attitudes encourage.
“Jaws caused shark culling” - That's unfortunately a simplification that ignores a LOT of surrounding context. WW2’s modern naval battles with an increase of ship sinkings and thus contact with sharks prompted the invention and use of shark repellant by aviators and sailors in the 1940’s. The most deadly and famous shark attack of all time was the USS Indianapolis sinking in 1945, which led to 12-150 deaths. The 1974 book Jaws by Peter Benchley, which was the entire basis of the movie, was inspired by One Fucking Dude who started shark hunting tours and overall seemed to have a really immaculate vibe. The interstate highways that finished in the 1950’s increased beach tourism in the 60’s and onwards, inspiring the American surf culture, further increasing the cultural desire to purge sharks for the new swath of beachgoers and their fondness for using surfboards which make them look like seals to sharks. Additionally, 1975’s Jaws inspired a huge desire for education about sharks, and the relationship between problematic media and education will be the core of this yapperoni pizza.
“The Slendermen Killings/Other Fiction Inspired Crimes” - The ACLU states that “There is no evidence that fiction has ever driven a sane person to violence.” Inspired crimes are indeed no less tragic, and thankfully rare, but people who suffer from inability to discern reality and fiction do not necessarily need fiction to commit violence. The “Son of Sam” murder spree was not inspired by a book or movie, but instead Berkowitz’ auditory hallucinations.
“Violent videogames DO cause violence” - After a great deal of funding and study, the American Psychological Association has concluded that teens and younger may have increased feelings of aggression and not necessarily physically violent outbursts as a direct effect, but older teens and young adults do not encounter statistically meaningful rates of aggression.
“Your brain can’t tell the difference between fiction and reality” - Factually incorrect. Children as young as 5 years old can tell the difference, and they can even be more suspicious about “facts” that come from sources they know also host fiction, such as TV shows.
“This stuff shouldn’t be online because it can be used to groom a child” - While I could not find specific statistics on how often pornography is used to desensitize child victims, nor how often that is specifically used in online grooming, and especially not how much of that pornography is made from fictional characters - out of a mixed group of convicted offenders with adult and child victims, 55% of offenders used pornography to manipulate their victim. I would never refute that explicit fanart or fanfic could be used to desensitize a child, but that is by far not the only tool (asking about sexual experiences/identity, making jokes, etc is extremely common grooming behavior), and there is no evidence to suggest that it is used to a statistically significant degree. In my own anecdotal experience, normal vanilla legal pornography is used with far greater prevalence, and there isn’t a similar movement to shame its production for that possibility. Nor should the creators of any material, pornographic or otherwise, share blame in the actions of a predator.
The Fiction Affects Reality Carrd
(No hate to the person who made it, in fact I give props to them for trying to find unbiased sources, I just want to point out that their interpretations of their articles are kinda flawed and one of their studies is a kind of a perfect example on small and culturally biased samples.)
Reading Fiction Impacts Aggressive Behavior - (I cannot access the full study but this article is the primary source used in the Carrd and it goes into detail) - A study showed that 67 university students were more annoyed with a loud buzzer after reading a short story about a physical fight between roommates compared to a story with nonviolent revenge. However, this study was conducted at Brigham Young University, the same campus where we got a whole video series of hot ethical takes like “I’d rather shoot a kitten than drink coffee,” so uh. Yeah. Kind of a prime example on why it’s important to have large and culturally varied sampling. (Another BYU study with 137 BYU students being odd about moral ambiguity in fiction, just because I’m starting to add Dr. Sarah M. Coyne to my list of “Sarah’s That I Dislike.”)
Your Brain on Fiction - a NYT article that describes Theory of the Mind and how fMRIs captured how readers’ minds would light up centers of muscle control when reading sentences like “Peter kicked.” The quote “The brain, it seems, does not make much of a distinction between reading about an experience and encountering it in real life; in each case, the same neurological regions are stimulated” is speaking of motor functions. Emotional centers of the brain were not included in the study.
How Fiction Changes Your World - a Boston Globe article that actually describes how people who read more fiction are more empathetic and tend to believe in a just world. It does not state that the empathy a reader feels for fictional characters extends to corrupting their moral compass. In fact, there’s such a thing as a “fictive license” to explore taboo themes more thoroughly because it is not real - 123 participants were interviewed after watching two actors play the part of detective and murderer being interviewed, and participants who were told it was fake had more varied and inquisitive responses.
The Social Impact of Books - Actually reuses the previous study about the just world, so point remains. Empathy is understanding, not mirroring.
Is Problematic Fiction Good for Survivors of Trauma?
It absolutely depends on the individual.
Writing expressively about traumatic experiences has been shown to be effective to reduce depression, or more effective in reducing dysphoria and anxiety than talking to fellow survivors, and Written Exposure Therapy is broadly prescribed to survivors of trauma, with one study centering on car crash survivors finding that WET resolved their PTSD symptoms and continued to be effective after a year.
In this study, which sadly is not available online but it is too important to leave out completely, survivors of CSA were given fictional novels about CSA and in closely reading and analyzing those stories, were able to understand their own experiences and were indeed drawn to write about their own experiences as well.
Engaging in problematic fiction, like all fiction, allows for consent as well as control. If at any point a survivor does not feel in control or wishes to stop, they can at that instant. They can even rewrite their narratives and take control of their story in fictionalizing and changing the account. They can even try to understand what their abuser felt through fiction, which is helpful considering that the vast majority of survivors had a relationship that had been positive and even loving with their abusers at times.
Is Problematic Fiction Good for Everyone Else?
It again depends on the individual.
Antis might be a little right that most people don't want to read problematic stories. In a study exploring whether fiction can corrode morals, 83% of study participants stated that they would prefer not to read a short story justifying baby murder if they had the choice, even if that exploration isn’t inherently harmful.
This very small sample study of 13 participants discussed how young women interpreted sexual themes in writing, including explicit fanfiction, and how that was beneficial and informative to explore sexual desire and examine healthy and unhealthy relationships in a safe and controlled environment.
This meta-analysis further discusses how problematic and sexual themes in YA literature are useful to illustrate what sexual violence looks like, and begin educational conversations through those depictions to break down harmful myths such as “if she didn’t scream, she wanted it.”
Empowered by the “Fictive License” previously cited, problematic fiction can be beneficial for anyone who desires and is capable of consuming and analyzing it.
This study analyzing abusive aspects of three films - Beauty and the Beast, Twilight, and 50 Shades of Gray - concluded that these abusive themes should be discussed to increase recognition and awareness, not censored based on those problematic themes.
This study of 53 women were asked to read different versions of fictional intimate partner violence flags, or “toxic behavior” like surveillance, control, etc. In every version of the story, whether the female or male had those behaviors either courting or committed, the women recognized the behavior as wrong.
Another study that reading allows for the moral laboratory to explore morality in fiction without decisive impact to corroding moral permissibility.
Is There Ever Any Point Where Fictional Interests Definitively Speak On Someone’s Morality?
In short - not really. Loving Jason Vorhees does not put you at risk of murdering campers as long as you know he’s not real. Writing Wincest does not mean you look forward to family reunions, as long as you know incest isn’t okay in the real world. The real world, where real people are harmed, is where you find the measure of someone’s character.
This Psychology Today article is the best source I could find for quotes from a fantastic book ‘Who's Been Sleeping in Your Head? The Secret World of Sexual Fantasies’ by Brett Kahr regarding taboo sexual fantasies and how they are not only common, but not inherently harmful.
There are people who enjoy problematic media in an entirely nonsexual sense, of course. I myself don’t get off on problematic media - I think it’s just interesting to explore different experiences, and I think that can be revolutionary.
Additionally, fantasies in general have almost always been in the vein of “things you don’t want to really happen in reality.” In a study of 351 asexuals, more than half reported that they fantasize about having sex, but that doesn’t mean that they actually want to. You can fantasize about dating Billie Eilish - it doesn’t mean that you’d be happy dealing with celebrity culture.
(I personally fantasize about the internet being just for adults, but in practice I think that would be incredibly harmful and isolating for at-risk youth and LGBTQ teens) Fantasies always pluck out only the bits of reality that you want to engage with.
If You Get Off On Fictional Kids, You’re Attracted to Something About Them Being Kids
Not inherently, surprisingly. Wearing a schoolgirl uniform is a pretty common roleplay, and it’s not meant to “fool” the participants into thinking they’re indulging in pedophilia. There’s a wealth of emotional and sexual nuance in that specific kink - innocence and virginity play, tilted power dynamics in ‘scolding’ the uniform wearer for dress code violations, even the concept of a sexually provocative “teenager” can be played with without shame, because the world of fetish and fantasy is separated from condonable actions for the vast, vast majority of adults. (The only study I could find on this is this small study of 100 white guys found on Facebook, which itself states it is not definitive, found that while there might be correlation between attraction to children and interest in schoolgirl uniforms, there is no proof of causation. AKA, the rectangular pedophile might indeed like square schoolgirl uniforms, but not everyone - in fact, the majority at nearly 60% in this very survey - that likes square schoolgirl uniforms is a rectangular pedophile.)
Even sexual age play between adults is not indicative of pedophilia because it exists in a setting between two adults who fully understand that the mechanics are completely fake, allowing the power dynamics that would be abusive between an adult and child to be ethically explored.
I don’t have an official-looking study to cite, but I have asked people who like content about underage fictional characters why they do so. Overwhelmingly, a lot of the ones who like underage age gaps like the fantasy of an older and more experienced character taking a younger one under their wing, to have the opportunity to commit violent and blatantly objectifying harm and yet try to create what inevitably does not truly pass as consent, but seems near enough to the characters. Some think that the characters themselves have an interesting chemistry. Some read underage fic and still imagine the characters as adults. Some like to explore the feelings of shame that the older character must feel and how they mentally compartmentalize to go forward with the relationship, and how the younger character found themself in that vulnerable position - which is exploring a harmful situation through fiction to understand how it could play out in real life.
People who like fictional incest like exploring the shameful components of that taboo relationship - and I have seen a lot of works that compare how bad incest could be to other harms, like the Gravecest route in a game with parental cannibalism. And then there are folks who like analyzing the codependency of having one person fulfill every social need - family, friend, lover, AKA Wincest.
What makes a predator if it’s not just sexual attraction?
90% of CSA survivors know their abuser, discrediting the still-entirely-too-popular Stranger Danger myth. And shockingly, only 50% of abusers are pedophiles.
That means 50% of child molesters do not have sexual interest in children because they are children, but they victimized children because they are more accessible in lieu of adult partners, with increased rates of incest.
While I could not find a specific study on the relation between dehumanization/objectification of child victims and child molesters (and if you find one, please send it to me!), this study speaks on dehumanization as a precursor to adult sexual violence.
This study, conducted on convicted child molesters in prison, showed that child molesters tend to fantasize about children while in a negative mood, further contributing to the theory that child victims are dehumanized prior to abuse.
This very small sample study found that in a mixed sample of internet only/contact crime/mixed offenders, offenders who had contact with children had lower rates of fantasizing about children.
In short, half the time a child predator is someone who wants to offend against a child regardless of attraction to the fact they are a child.
Resources To Recognize Grooming/Abuse Victims/Predators
I would absolutely be remiss to not share my collection of resources to help detect signs of abuse/grooming as well as warning signs of a predator who may be targeting elders/women/teens/children:
Darkness 2 Light is a fantastic resource overall, this page details stages and signs of grooming.
RAINN personally helped me through my PTSD journey, and this article detailing the signs of sexual trauma in teenagers is thorough and non-judgemental
Signs of abuse as well as warning signs of predation that does not use gendered language nor play into the Stranger Danger myth.
Education, not Censorship
I think a lot of the energy against taboo content among young people still has a lot to do with the desire to end rape culture. The tools that we Millennial Tumblrinas gave you Gen Z kids were snatches of leftist theory, deplatforming, and voting with your dollar, so it’s reasonable to think that removing taboo content like pedophilia, incest, rape fights rape culture.
It doesn’t.
Rape culture is fought by education. Comprehensive sex education, education about consent. Talking about what consent looks like, what sex can look like, what rape can look like.
There should be more taboo content to talk about these things, to show all the shades it can look like. From a violent noncon to fics that aren’t even tagged as dubcon yet still are in shades that are hard to suss out, we should talk about it.
A Non-Empirical Example Of Good Media Analysis and Education to Combat Rape Culture
Let’s use the example of Daemon and Rhaenyra Targaryen’s relationship in House of the Dragon. Canonically, in both the book and the show, they have a romantic relationship that appears for the most part to be positive (the show being more contentious but I dedicated an aside to Sarah Hess and our beef at the bottom of my Carrd, but feel free to ask how I feel about writing producers with any variation of the name ‘Sarah’) despite an age gap, a sexual relationship that began while Rhaenyra was a minor, and incest - the problematic hat trick if you will.
I have seen anti-Daemyra shippers condemn Daemyra shippers for “Condoning grooming, age gaps, pedophilia, and incest.” Which is not just a broad, inaccurate, and harmful statement, it’s not at all constructive or educational analysis.
It would actually be beneficial to say “Daemon is grooming Rhaenyra as a teenager with gifts, devoted attention that takes advantage of her isolation and vulnerability, frequent nonsexual touches, the extreme desensitization to sexuality in the brothel visit,” etc etc. And even so, it is not useful to say that people cannot still ship the relationship and acknowledge those aspects. They might want to further explore the issues of consent in their dynamic in fiction, they may want to strip away some of them with narrative reimagining. Some might want to ignore the taboos completely and indulge in the fantasy entirely, and some might find the actors hot as hell - AKA, anyone who watches the show.
It’s honestly a little similar to me in how Jerry Falwell would tell his followers not to watch or read or take in any media that dealt with homosexuality unless it was condemning it - even Will & Grace was on Jerry’s shitlist. And so, Jerry’s followers missed out on a lot of media that could have educated them about queerness, could have humanized queer people for them - and that did not make queers go away. Just like ignoring or shutting out media about incest, rape, and other forms of sexual violence doesn’t make those things go away - it just tends to make you less informed, and little less capable of empathy towards people affected by those subjects.
So let’s stop shaming those that ship a complicated dynamic - you get less fanworks exploring those taboos, and less of a discussion overall. You shut down the morality lab of fiction, and to be honest, it’s wet sock behavior.
Some FanFiction Specific Studies
How dubcon fanfiction can flesh out the intricacies and messiness of realistic consent
A review of darkfic written about Harry Potter in 2005 (which, I will personally attest has never been outdone in how profoundly taboo those works were)
Interviews with 11 Self Insert writers who wrote on themes of rape, abuse, control, yandere, etc, and how that was beneficial to some who had experienced sexual violence themselves
Conclusion:
H…holy shit, you actually read all of that?? Congrats dude! That is a lot of time and brain power to dedicate to any one thing!
By the way, I am not really gifted at writing articles or any of that junk, and I tried to make my hyperlexic ass a little more accessible instead of bringing out all the $5 words. I am literally just an autistic who took a couple technical writing classes over a decade ago and really wanted to sort out my thoughts and try to have a platform for discussion. Also, I am really fucking bad at math. I failed two different college level statistics classes twice each. Gun to my head, I could not tell you what a standard deviation is, which is why I worked entirely with the percentages.
And I do want to have a discussion! I would in fact like to not report anyone for sending me gore or death threats or any of that stuff! I don’t think everyone will agree with me, in fact I’m certain that you could find studies that contradict some of mine, and I’d love to discuss them!
I’m sure it will still be tempting to throw around accusations of pedophilia because sometimes, confronting your previously held beliefs is incredibly uncomfortable. If you could not do that, that would be great? I don’t like being compared to someone who profoundly abused me just because I have a different opinion on how to combat rape culture and empower survivors. If you can do that, I’ll do my absolute best to be cheerful and welcoming and respectful as well. 😁
PS - I’m also not really going to be phased if you call me weird or cringe - I am. Always have been. Cringe, weirdness, and autism have made me do and capable of doing some fantastically neat and impressive stuff. But if you try to say something like “proshippers are too yucky and weird to be in fandom” - I’m going to have to refer you to your similarity to Kate Sanders of Lizzy McGuire fame, you “prEpz >:(“ - [My Immortal, legendary author unknown]
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CHEESING SO HARD RN!! RAHHH LET’S GO JOEL!!
oh man. oh man okay. oh man so many thoughts. first of all SO proud of my boy joel smallishbeans lifeseries he was so anxious like a little puppy and he did it!! it’s about FAMILY
- grian v joel top two PVP went SO hard it was crazy! add that to grian telling joel like twenty minutes before that he’d give his life for him, and then going down swinging - so tasty. So Freaking Tasty.
- tango killing bdubs made me laugh so hard, especially with bdubs’ “oh i’m dead!” as he went. chihuahua-coded
- scar’s snail being what got him killed me. if not for the snails he would have done so much better omg
- also grian being like yeah, so glad scar died because now i can do the bamboozler trap without worrying about him. calling them strong allies. desert duo real
- gem. just. gem. i don’t know how she wins from this point on. because everyone knows how dangerous she is! she has a reputation! people were out for her blood so so quickly. and even if she made a bunch of allies and avoided dying for like a comically impressive amount of time - she really does have a target in her back! like what does she even do? does she just…pretend to throw? lost from being too good at the game.
- OH YEAH jimmy got flight!! and then grian got it! everything i wanted for the avian headcanons thank you random superpower gods
- pearl walking into her fifteen thousandth finale PVP, cigarette dangling from her lips, dead inside: “here we go again”
- no genuinely it’s so funny she’s been one of the top players in a comical amount of series she’s so good
- GRIAN!! his lines went SO hard! when he killed jimmy (and lizzie sorry lizzie) the line of like “it was always gonna end this way” was absolutely crazy. he said he’d take jimmy out of the series and he DID. and then when he escaped the tower the “not like mumbo, not like skizz, not like that, not today” was so fucking hard. that was insane. those lines went OFF
- which, also, fanon-lore-wise, the watcher going vengeful after the freed canary is fascinating.
- speaking of which, grian just. cannot be without his team. grian let skizz (and mumbo) be dead for like one episode challenge he can’t he just keeps bringing them back
- bigb dying to his snail first, and his last death being to his snail…poetic
- joel’s trap failing to kill him was chef’s kiss hilarious. sorry you suck at traps bud good thing you’re killer at pvp
- impulse i was rooting for you. impulse you just went down trying to hit the wrong guy i’m so sorry. you’ll get em next time. i wanted you to win :’(
- okay like, i saw this post about how the life series either has to end soon or the winners have to start letting themselves re-win to prevent the victories from being like “okay everyone gets one!” and like, i don’t know if it was excellent acting (and to be fair he did say he’d give his life for joel a few minutes beforehand) but grian looked like he was really gunning for that win. would’ve been fascinating! especially if you like watcher lore, the concept of him leaning so hard back into watcher abilities that he wins again is just so Tastey
- and to conclude: what a good fucking series. can’t wait to see what the fandom comes up with in terms of lore and headcanons and joel joining the winner’s pantheon! huge kudos to grian and the mods and the production team and everyone who contributed to this season. hilarious, entertaining, enthralling - what a good thing they’ve made. kudos and more kudos!
#wild life#wild life spoilers#serenblabs#life series#wild life smp#CRAZY IT WENT SO CRAZY#when grian got jimmy i was LOSING IT#disclaimer: only seen grian’s and a bit of gem’s and joel’s so far#and the line when grian escaped the tower was chilling omg#such a good series
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konig is your roommate
wc: 995 warnings: none just fluff, quick mentions of crying, fem reader (not much metions of female characteristics) a/n: oh lord my first contribution to the cod fandom after consuming brainrot on here and tiktok for the past couple of months :3 i can def do a pt 2 to this with smut but i just wanted to dip my toes in first and see if anybody even likes this lmao MINORS DNI (have your age in your bio or you're getting blocked)
How you ended up with a man in his mid 30s that’s retired from the military as a roommate is beyond you
You were a broke teacher living paycheck to paycheck and you needed to find a way to conserve costs
You posted a Craigslist posting (definitely not shady at all) looking for a roommate and he messaged you within the first hour of you posting to see if he could check the place out!
It was mildly jarring seeing a 6’10 man in a black surgical mask show up ringing your doorbell. You couldn’t even see above his chest when you looked through the peephole
He was so quiet when you first tried to spark up a conversation with him that you thought he hated your apartment and maybe even you…
Before he even finished his tour of the apartment he took out an envelope of cash from his pocket that had enough to cover the first three months of rent :0
He moved in all of his belongings the following week while texting you a few times leading up to his move in date just confirming what time he’ll be showing up and if you’re still okay with the agreement
He was equally dry over text as he was in person it was a hard obstacle to jump over to get him to open up with you
The first time he actually started a conversation with you was when he saw you diligently working in the living room on a lesson plan for the upcoming week
At first he just sat down on the couch silently from you just watching you and this didn’t bother you as you’ve come to learn that he is more of an observer than a talker
“Um…what are you working on?”
Your head shot up and a smile spread on your face this was the first time Konig has expressed any interest in your career
“I’m cutting out flashcards I made for the kids so they can match the words to the pictures! I just procrastinated a little bit so I’m doing it all now.” You chuckled and he hummed in acknowledgement
After that conversation the interactions over the months got a lot more comfortable
So here we are now (it’s been about 5 months) and you and Konig are having your weekly movie and pizza night
You let Konig pick the movie this week and you were quite surprised that he chose ‘Inside Out’
Seeing such a large man engrossed in such a cute animated movie made your cheeks hurt with how it made you smile
He was quite surprised when he turned around and saw tears running down your cheeks after watching the scene of Bing Bong die
His eyes widened and without thinking he scooped you up into a hug while you let out all the sad feelings from the characters sacrifice
“Gosh Konig I’m so sorry! That was really silly. I shouldn't be crying so hard over a kid’s movie.”
You looked up at him and your eyes met with his cerulean ones. They had such a tender look to them and it made you and the room feel a lot hotter than what you remember
With a haste Konig pulled down his mask and placed a chaste kiss on your cheek
Needless to say you guys just stared at each other like this: :000 for about a minute before either of you said anything
You were the first one to speak up
“Konig, that was the cutest thing you’ve ever done.”
He just blushed and broke the eye contact and coughed to try and clear his throat
“I, u-um I wanted to do that for a while actually.”
Hearing him say this made you giggle and to reciprocate the feelings you’ve also been holding on to you placed a peck onto his forehead.
“I’ve wanted to do that for a while too so now we’re even! The ball’s in your court now Konig, do with that info what you will.”
You pranced off into your room and giggled while Konig was stuck on the couch just absolutely stunned as to what happened.
The next day you wake up and see a note that was slipped under your door. You open it up and it brings a warm smile to your face
‘Dinner at my place tonight! Wear something nice ;)’ You giggled knowing that Konig wasn’t the biggest fan of being in crowded places so a dinner at home was a perfect plan
You noticed Konig wasn’t home so you decided to go to the grocery store really quick and pick up two bottles of white wine for the night
Once you were back at the house you heard Konig was in the shower so you decided to go take a shower yourself and get yourself ready.
You decided to go the full nine yards and put on a red velvet mini dress and do your hair
When you stepped out you saw Konig already at the stove getting dinner ready. You snuck up behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist
“Whatcha cookin’?” Your voice was muffled into his back and you felt the vibrations of his chuckle
“It's a surprise schatz so go sit in the living room till I’m done”
“What’s a schatz?” All he did was laugh at your response and usher you out the kitchen
You sat in the living room with a pout on your face until you heard Konig call your name to let you come back into the kitchen
Your mouth watered seeing the chicken parmesan dished out and two poured out glasses of wine
“Oh Konig, this is great!” You stood on your tippy toes to give him a kiss of gratefulness
“Careful Y/N if you keep kissing me like that we’ll never get to dinner…” The sound of his voice was deep and a bit gruff
“And is that really a problem?”
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I don't know why, but I keep seeing fans who say they're stucky fans but they seem to like one guy and hate the other. Like some Bucky fans complain about how Steve abandoned Bucky and wasn't nice to him, and some Steve fans complain every time you talk about Bucky and his trauma, going 'What about Steve!?' It feels like you have to pick one or the other. It feels almost weird that I love about care about both of them. Why is that so difficult? Why can't you just enjoy the characters and how much they love each other?
Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear you'be been struggling with this! That sounds very tiring and a bit upsetting. First of all, I have to admit that I don't really share your experience, which might have something to do with the people I follow and the fandom bubble I'm in, in which most people share my own mindset and preferences. I almost exclusively know and follow people on here who, like me, love both Steve AND Bucky equally, and who either ship Stucky or at least care a lot about their relationship. So in my experience, everyone is just enjoying the characters and how much they love each other! I'm not saying this to be like "what are you talking about", by the way, but more to show you that it is possible to enjoy both characters and how much they love each other, without people coming at you from all sides <3
Having said that though, I am of course aware of the widespread Steve criticism (if not to say hate) that got a lottt of traction after Endgame (which, fuck Endgame), but I am personally of the opinion that if someone really thinks Steve would abandon Bucky like he did in Endgame, and you blame the character for that decision rather than the writers etc, then you don't know Steve at all, ergo your opinion on him is void, as far as I'm concerned. If I see people saying nonsense like that on here, I will either roll my eyes or just block them outright, to protect my peace. And that works really well, generally speaking.
As for Steve fans going "What about Steve!?" when you want to talk about Bucky - Although I'm sure there are some Steve fans who prefer Steve over Bucky or even don't really care about Bucky (which is wiiiiiiild to me, because how can you say you care about a character but not care about what that character cares about most at all??), generally speaking, I don't know that I see people asking "But what about Steve" as an inherent dismissal of Bucky, or people expecting others to choose sides? It may well be the case sometimes, but I doubt that's always what it means, you know? Perhaps that helps?
I think that in the fandom spaces we're in, Bucky is a lot more popular and loved as a character (especially these days, post EG) than Steve is, which makes sense considering Bucky's kind of the perfect blorbo, and there is still new Bucky content coming out, and, of course, he is just really fucking amazing and loveable. But yeah, there is no shortage of Bucky love or discussion in this fandom, which I am personally delighted about and will always do my best to contribute to as well because he is my forever blorbo too. But I guess I can see why people would sometimes feel like Steve is not quite getting the love he deserves, you know? Still though, if someone goes "But what about Steve!?" on a post that is about Bucky, that is just very annoying and unnecessary, I totally agree. If people feel that way, they should make their own post about it, not hinder others in their Bucky loving!
I do get hate sometimes from people who say I don't appreciate the characters enough on their own because I always discuss them as a package deal, but frankly, I don't really give a damn about that. I am a Stucky shipper first and foremost, and for me, these characters ARE just inextricably connected. A Steve without Bucky by his side, or a Bucky without Steve by his side, just doesn't feel right to me, which is one of the reasons why I choose not to watch any post-Endgame content. And if others have an issue with that, well, then that's their issue, not mine.
So perhaps you could try and apply that kind of mindset to your situation as well, anon? Focus on loving our boys, equally, and together, and don't let anyone get in your way! The block button and tag filters are your best friends, and following the right people - people who are kind and reasonable and who share your mindset - is essential. I don't know if this helps at all, and do let me know if you want to talk about this some more, but I hope this is useful in some way! Sending love and hugs, and ALLLLL of the love for both our beautiful boys ❤️
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Hello, hello, hello!
First off, I wanted to say thank y'all for all you do in the fandom, you guys are the main way I find new fics to read :D
Secondly, sorry if this has been asked before but is there any fics where Aziraphale is talking negatively about himself and Crowley is having none of it?
Once again thank you, y'all are the best!!
You'll want to check out our #insecure aziraphale tag for loads of fics like this. Here are more to add...
Thou shalt not seek release by StormIn_A_Bottle (E)
"Say it, angel. Repeat what you said earlier." "That I was fat. And unattractive." "And what did we decide about that?" "That I would be punished for telling lies." - Another contribution to the Spring Kink GOAD event, this time with the prompt "Orgasm Denial"
And Aziraphale Cried by Wintersprings23 (NR)
Aziraphale knows what he’s doing is bad. He knows that he shouldn’t do it, but he also knows deep down in his gut, that he deserves it. He’s seen how much harm he has done, by being ignorant, thinking he was better than these humans. And he has tried to make up for it, he really has, but he still lies in bed at night thinking about what he could have done. Who he could have saved. Aziraphale had done so many blessings, but sometimes they hadn’t worked. He had seen so many humans shorten their already short lives, hollow eyes and wounded body beyond saving
You're beautiful by Between_stars_and_Nebula (NR)
Crowley and Aziraphale have been living together as lovers for six months. Everything is going well but for the last two weeks, Aziraphale seems turned off, tired and depressed. Crowley decides to figure out what's wrong with his handsome lover “Crowley had his nose buried in his angel's perfumed hair, tears in his eyes at this violent suffering that he did not understand. The muscles ached from holding Aziraphale as hard as possible against him in the hope of calming his trembling. " What's wrong ? ", he whispered softly, almost more to himself than to the angel, "What's happening to you? What can I do? " "
Insecure by White Queen Writes (T)
When gaggles of women start flooding his shop on their lunch hours just to gawk at his sexy husband, Aziraphale begins to succumb to the new doubts and fears that come as a result of going native. Luckily, Crowley has a cure for that.
There is strength in your softness, Angel by Cuppa_Rosie_Lee (G)
A soft little drabble about a soft angel. Crowley and Aziraphale return to the bookshop after a date at the Ritz. Aziraphale becomes self-conscious about his weight, but Crowley is having absolutely none of it. All the feelings and a ridiculously soft demon in love.
I won’t stand for it by Dancer_in_the_rain (T)
“Look, if you don’t want to see me again, that’s fine. I just would have liked to know what I did wrong. But if you don’t want to talk about it, I guess I’ll just-“ His hand started slipping from Aziraphale’s and in a sudden rush of panic the angel gripped onto the demon tightly. “No!”, he gasped, the thought of his beloved leaving indefinitely suddenly feeling like a crushing weight on his chest. Crowley looked back down at him, his expression confused and hurt. “Tell me what’s going on here then, angel. What has suddenly gotten into you?” Aziraphale worried his lip between his teeth, unable to meet the other’s eyes. He could feel his heart beating up his throat. Was he really about to tell Crowley? Well, yes. Crowley deserved his honesty. If anything he didn’t deserve Aziraphale throwing him out and not even giving him a reason. Even if it was a good reason. He felt like fainting when he looked back up again into the face that he loved so much. The face that he felt so undeserving of loving. “Would you… do you think I should get a new corporation?” Or: Aziraphale overhears Crowley reprimanding his plants and starts to wonder if he’s even good enough for his demon.
- Mod D
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#love me not
Tags: nerd!Ellie blackgirl!reader high school!au cheerleader!reader
Synopsis: Nerdy!ellie joins the soccer team and she meets you not knowing your gonna be the one cheering for her team (you guys have a long complex past from last year that you both don’t wanna talk about)
Author’s note: my yearly contribution to tlou fandom🙏🏾(I haven’t been posting a lot on here because i haven’t had any creative ideas in a while) let me know if you like this and add make more! (Not proof read)
When Ellie joined it was mostly because of her friend Jessie who was on the boys soccer team he wanted her to join so wouldn’t be the only one in the friend group to be in a sport and he knew Diana wasn’t joining anything that included exercise.
And Ellie wanted to try something new anyway “I mean it’s better than sitting around with Joel” Ellie replied when Dina asked why she would join and who knows? Maybe she might like it, and it didn’t matter to her if she didn’t make the team anyway so there was nothing to lose. It was only when she saw you there was a problem.
Now Ellie had been trying all year to avoid you for a reason you never understood. Sure your last memory together was pretty embarrassing but you were never the embarrassed type, you had much better things to worry about. But for Ellie she was quite the opposite, actively avoiding any awkward moments.
Ellie was just walking in the locker room when she saw you walking past her with your cheer friends. You didn’t even notice her until she had basically ran out the room. Ellie didn’t know you were a cheerleader if she did she wouldn’t have joined to avoid this but it’s too late now you’re both here.
And so now you’re outside it’s early spring but the sun is beaming at you. Your cheer team is waiting and watching for your next dance hoping for a cloud to cover the sun just enough for your face to stop feeling burnt by the blazing sun. Your schools team makes a score and a cheer erupts from the crowd mostly from soccer moms who are a little to into this sport. Now it’s time for your team to start dancing you and your friends are doing your usual routine and Ellie is trying so hard not to look at you but she just can’t help it, seeing you dance was something she never expected. Every time you even glance in her direction her eyes dart to the farthest thing. Nervously trying to look cool “Hey keep your eyes on the game” Kristy reminds Ellie with a smile.
Kristy had become friends with Ellie during tryouts and Kristy knew something was up between you and her but thought it was nothing until the game when Ellie started acting weird.
At halftime everyone is sipping on their water trying to breathe before the game continues. That’s when Kristy asks “hat what’s up with you and that cheer girl over there?” “Huh? Oh nothing..” Ellie responds nervously “really? It seems like you two have something going on.” Kristy says teasingly then seriously “but seriously what’s going on? Your acting odd” Ellie can hear the concern coming from Kristy “I’m fine seriously” Ellie tries to convince her she’s fine knowing she’s not but oh well we don’t have time to figure it out now, there’s still a game after all.
Your school wins 10-15 (idk how soccer works���🏾♀️)
After the game everyone is rapping up and getting ready to leave. All the sooner moms of the losing team walk away angrily trying not to yell at their kids until they get the car. Joel leaves after congratulating Ellie to get the car ready for leaving Ellie to her team and you with the cheerleading team. As both teams walk out Ellie somehow (totally not Kristy pushing her ) bumps into you a small “sorry” comes out of Ellie nervously making you slightly annoyed. Being the person you are you are you make small talk with her, you how much she hates small talk but you know she’s been staring at you all game it’s cute. “Hey, congrats on the win” you say with smile “thanks you too” Ellie replys nervously, Kristy whispers “what the hell do you mean you too!?!? Say something interesting” you don’t hear a thing but see Ellie’s friend how speed walking away from her probably to give you too some space.
After some awkward silence Ellie gathers the courage to speak “so uh.. when did you become a cheerleader?” It takes a moment for you to respond because you were starting to think you were gonna do all the talking “oh..uh I wanted to do it just for the spring/winter season, sense my friends are doing it.” “Oh so you’re only doing this because of your friends?” Ellie responded much more calmly now “well no i wanted to be a cheerleader this was just a good reason to try” you explained. The conversation was nice even tho you two didn’t talk to each other for a year maybe you just needed some time to talk.
WELL THATS ALL FOLKS jk there might be a part two of this gets enough attention or whatever i feel like it.
this was mostly an insert of someone I know but I hope I didn’t change Ellie to the point it was annoying.
#ellie tlou#tlou2#fanfic#high school#high school au#ellie x reader#ellie the last of us#ellie x y/n#the last of us#idk what to tag this as#please like and reblog#Spotify#tlou#tlou part 2#x reader
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Hello! Your fic recs have brought me so much joy and they were one of the things that made me really into cherik! Like I'm crazy about them now.
And I don't know if you're accepting request if not I'm sorry for disturbing please disregard this part of the message or this entire ask
But I wanted to ask what fics do you read whenever you need a pick-me-up or when you need a laugh.
Because I just watched this YouTube video about this horror novel penpal by dathan auerbach and it was really sad and disturbing but mostly tragically sad and I really wanted to read something sweet or funny as a pick-me-up.
Sorry for the long ask (I can't help but yap) and if its incoherent (English isn't my first language 😅). And thank you so much for your contribution to the x-men Fandom. Both your fic recs and fics brought me so much joy and made it really exciting for me when I was just starting to get into x-men and cherik ❤️💖
Hi Anon,
I'm sorry for the wait, but here's a (very long!) list of fics I go back to over and over whenever I need a laugh or I want to feel the warm fuzzies :D I hope this serves you as well it has served me all these years!!!
Protect, Serve, Troll by keire_ke
Erik’s fire department has a special relationship with the local university. They visit often. Sometimes, there even is a fire.
Erik Lehnsherr’s Guide to Parenting by keire_ke (series)
Alex disapproves of school car washes, despite the abundance of wet bikinis on pretty girls. Erik doesn’t approve of his son shirking money-making duties.
Humane Society by smilebackwards
Once Erik finally allows himself to decide that Charles is pretty much the best thing since sliced bread, he spends the next week being incredibly bitter that he’s Charles’ cat and not his boyfriend.
Other Life Challenges by professor (series)
“Why am I here again?” Erik groans.
“I need you to lift things and glower at people over my shoulder when I tell people that it’s not ‘politically correct’ or a ‘war on Christmas’ to have a non-denominational winter holiday festival,” says Theresa Pryde.
Well, at least those are two things he’s good at.
Wednesday by Red
Getting confined to a nursing facility for a six-week course of iv antibiotics would have been dreadfully dull, had Charles not found a way to “occupy his time.”
In which Erik Lehnsherr, retired nazi hunter, becomes the latest victim of Charles Xavier’s charms.
drastic measures by goodmorningbeloved (3799steps)
Erik glowers.
“I can’t believe we’re back to this,” Charles says, like he wants to throw his hands in the air. He’s pouting a little bit. “Years of progress, and we’ve returned to you brooding. Don’t tell me I have to break out the terrible flirting again.”
Erik glowers a little less. “Flirting,” he repeats, bland but also maybe just very, very, very slightly, faintly, vaguely hopeful.
“Oh, yes,” Charles says absently, until something seems to strike him. “Don’t tell me you don’t…” He raises his left hand and brandishes the ring. “We promised ourselves to each other last week.”
–
Alternatively: Erik’s memory is swiped clean of his and Charles’s relationship.
One Hundred One Night Stands. by Sophia_Bee
Charles has a rule. Never fuck the same guy twice. When he refuses to see Erik again after a one night stand, Erik goes about trying to get Charles to violate that rule using accents and disguises.
Suddenly There’ll Be a Blizzard (Let It Snow Remix) by kianspo
Charles was never at his best while jetlagged, but locking himself out in a snowstorm while barely dressed might be a new low. The last thing he expected was to be rescued by his high school nemesis, the man he hadn’t seen in over ten years, who might have broken his heart for good once upon a time.
All We Are We Are by kianspo
Charles’s boyfriend breaks up with him days before the holidays. Not willing to ruin anyone else’s festive mood, Charles hides this fact from his sister and his friends, and retreats into the family mansion, letting the world move on without him. He’s flirting with depression when a one-time ex and a long-term friend surprises him. Long-kept secrets are revealed, and it turns out, Charles hasn’t been paying attention to the right things.
Your Heart Just Couldn't Wait by Pookaseraph
Charles and his BFF Tony Stark have the life - they're co-valedictorians at the most prestigious high school in the city, they have their own condo in Manhattan, and they get to go to all the awesome parties. Charles just wished he understood relationships and sex as well as Tony does. His theoretical bisexuality starts to feel a lot less theoretical when he and Tony end up in Professor Lehnsherr's Physics III course at Columbia University, but Charles' decision to take their relationship further leaves both student and professor with more than they bargained for.
this is only now (where do we go from here) by thebodyeclectic From this prompt on the 1stclass_kink meme: Modern AU, where an older Alex (in his mid twenties?) somehow figures out/recieves the news that, no, his younger brother didn't die in the crash like he'd been told, and then sets out to find him. The catch is, Scott's been adopted and adores his 'dad', who is incidentally the adorkable Hank McCoy.
Not So Much the Teacup by thehoyden
“Charles is basically the bride whisperer. It’s like he can read their minds.” (wedding planner AU)
Math Reasons by pearl_o, pocky_slash (series)
"Mom says Erik always knows what he wants, it just sometimes takes him a little while to actually realize it," Ruth said.
Charles fell in love with Erik the first night they met, the first week of freshman year. Two years of friendship, adventures, arguments, hijinks, secrets, and summer visits later, Erik is starting to catch up.
On a Beach, With You (The Tel Aviv Remix) by niniblack
Charles Xavier meets Erik Lehnsherr on a beach in Israel.
Growing Up Lehnsherr by DeerstalkerDeathFrisbee (series)
For someone who hates feelings, Erik gets dragged into an alarming number of conversations about them. In which there are confessions, declarations, awkward first meetings, accidents, explanations, endings and beginnings.
Otherwise know as Five Conversations Erik Didn't Want to Have and One That He Did.
Got You Locked Down Like Police by brawlingdiscontent
Mob AU. Logan’s straightforward ‘retrieval’ job gets complicated.
One big family by ximeria
There is a house in New York (no, only Charles calls it a house, and his perception of such is a little warped, so let's try that again)...
... There's a building in New York, owned by XavierMedCorp that caters to mutant tenants, their families and a handful of humans. You need to know someone who knows someone who knows someone to get an apartment there. Or maybe just be very lucky. Or have a mutant son who has the tenacity of a pit bull. Anyway, Edie Lehnsherr has moved in and she is slowly getting to know the other tenants, the superintendent and the owner.
Making perfect by aesc
As is the case with most trials in Erik's life, this one starts with Charles gazing beseechingly at him and asking him for a favor. Not that their going-on-three years relationship is a trial, even though it started with Charles giving Erik the full benefit of sad blue eyes and asking him if he wouldn't mind opening his car door since he'd locked his keys inside, but still.
love like toy trucks crashing by midrashic
Charles Xavier may be young, but he knows what it means to love.
Love Runs Out by ikeracity
Hammer Bay, one of the most mutant-friendly apartment buildings in all of Manhattan and affectionately nicknamed the Hub by its residents, is home to an eclectic mix of families, broke college students, scientists, artists, and high school dropouts. Charles Xavier, new arrival to apartment 3K, catches the attention of everyone on the third floor but he only has eyes for one: cranky author Erik Lehnsherr who lives directly across the hall in 3B.
A Nice Boy (The Family Matters Edition) by pocky_slash
Erik's not sure whether the problem is that he doesn't want his parents to meet Charles or that he doesn't want Charles to meet his parents. Either way, he never invites Charles to brunch. Why should he? It's not like they're dating.
soul of my soul by ikeracity
You can imprint on your soulmate anywhere — school, work, on the street, in a restaurant, on the subway.
Charles and Erik imprint on each other just in time for the holidays.
Walking in a Winter Wonderland by TurtleTotem
Charles hasn't seen Erik since their devastating breakup ten years ago. He's certainly the last person he expects to run into at a Christmas lights display.
#gerec rambles#gerec's fic rec#cherik#crack#humour#warm fuzzies#i've read every one of these more than a dozen times#i just realized this is a list with nothing but au fics lol#i guess canon is too angsty sorry folks
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I realize that a lot of you guys signed on for fandom related content and general fuckery, and I’m sorry that a lot of yall had to watch the collapse of my life in real time.
recently, the abuse I was experiencing from my mom ramped up to becoming physical. I got on a bus and escaped to my best friends house, and it has been one of the hardest periods of my life. Like I thought I was already beaten down by a shit year- suicide, death of my grandad, financial insecurity and just a lot of struggling. But after that I just haven’t been the same. I’m experiencing symptoms like nightmares, becoming triggered by seemingly mundane things (my roommate did dishes and I could barely breathe for two hours), really visceral periods of intense recollection and I’m honestly drowning. I have no energy for classwork and I’m struggling. I need to keep my grades up for grad school. I miss my family. I’m homesick. I’m really, really raw. I miss my cat.
if you read this, thank you. and everyone has been so wonderful and supportive- I’m so serious, this community I’ve built is the only thing keeping me afloat. I’m actively trying to keep going, I promise.
if anyone wants to reblog and help support me, it’s my final college semester and most of my plans can’t happen because well, neither of my parents are currently helping. Hopefully my campus job will let me get paid in three ish weeks at the earliest. It’s okay if no one can contribute anything, I’ve certainly been really well taken care of and ppl have been beyond generous. But hey, you might just help a really scared vulnerable 22 year old afford dinner.
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vent !! chapter 2 ep 15 spoilers
god and i cant even begin to express how much i hate veronika after this last episode. i was already beginning to have mixed feeling about her after being harassed by a few veronika defenders which only caused for me to not like her more out of spite. but my god the way she kept antagonizing ace seriously broke me. this man expresses how he was offended and all veronika can say is: "Oh, that hit a nerve. Didn't it?" what kind of person says those kinds of things?? thats just so cruel. maybe part of the reason why i hate veronika is because she reminds me so much of my sister. my sister is 10x worse than veronika but i cant but wanna claw my eyes out when i see her. shes a constant reminder that my feelings arent valid and i will never be anything more than something to make fun of. because thats exactly what she does to ace.
just for now im muting all the drdt tags besides any related to ace. i dont wanna see anything about any other character besides him. because it'll just remind me that not even the fandom appreciates ace as much as i do. they all care about everyone else. for fucks sake even hu and arturo are more liked than ace when they have contributed nothing useful besides a tiny bit of lore here and there.
just hearing ichiko aoba humming makes me think of last night where i cried over ace. its so calming but also so traumatizing because just hearing it reminds me of him. honestly i didnt think some jockey would impact me this much but god it hurts like a bitch.
i just want more ace content. seeing people positively talking about ace and making things for him makes me feel loved. when people express how much they love ace and dont want him to die, it makes me feel accepted and cared for.
speaking of acceptance, i can only say this through an anon because i dont feel safe expressing my thoughts and feelings openly. ive been harassed by too many drdt fans for such petty reasons. i just wanna feel safe and liked in this fandom but i cant because i constantly feel like everyone is judging me and talking shit about me. i dont want that. i want people to like me.
theres probably going to be people suggesting for me to not associate myself with drdt (or atleast any ace markey media) for the sake of my own mental health and like.. take a walk or something. and while i do agree with you 100%, i kinda cant. drdt is my only hyperfixation atm. ive been obsessed with it for over a year now! most hyperfixations last only a year. i dont know how to stop thinking about ace's possible death, especially with episode 16 coming up in a few days. its really not as easy as you guys think it is. im not choosing to feel like this, i promise. (SENDING IN MULTIPLE PARTS BECAUSE IT KEEPS SAYING "We’re sorry. There was an error processing your post. tumblr")
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