#sorry for this being so chaotic

[eri-pl]

Silmarils, grief and hope.

We all know grief is a big theme and all that, and related to Tolkien's life. But. The Silmarils.

Long chaotic post about "wanting the Silmarils is related to having unprocessed grief" and "the Silmarils are hope, but Not Like That".

(I'm not sure how many there are for whom it makes a difference, but I assume it's a non-zero amount: sort of Morgoth-pov at the very end which may be emotionally intense. For convenience, it's separated with a picture. The rest is much more calm, I think. Just chaotic and may have autocorrect errors.)

Why do so many people (allegedly) want them more than it would make sense, even if they aren't cursed?

So many events on the story of those jewels are related to grief. Feanor makes them after his mother does and he cannot process his feelings properly (which is not his fault; where would he learn to process them? But it is a thing.)

Then he loses them when his father dies and really wants them back, swears the oath. Then he does and his sons swear the oath again, and of course they don't process their grief properly either.

Oh and I forgot, before that, the Valar. They lose the Trees and want them back. Interestingly, it's not Manwe (the king) who is most focused on getting the Silmarils for that, nor Varda (most associated with them), but Yavanna (sure, it was her trees, but also she's the most loss-avoiding Vala, she misses each tree that is being cut) and Tulkas (lowest emotional intelligence of all proper Valar). Again, the perceived need to get the Silmarils is where there's some unprocessed grief, and most intense in those Valar who would have the hardest time processing it.

(and Aule! He actively advocates for granite keeping it. But I'm sure the "my best Maia joined Morgoth, I'm constantly bullied, my wife doesn't like me, and I am never a jerk despite it all" guy is pretty good at processing his negative feelings.)

(Also, how the sun and moon are made? The fruit grow when Nienna cries, and it is Nienna, she is processing the grief in a proper, healthy way. And it... It solves the problem (lack of light) for which the Silmarils were "necessary". Sure, the moon and sun are lesser, not as beautiful... But there's a theme there. Namely, the third of them. 🙂 Things change. You can't fix anything important by going Ctrl+Z on it. You have to go forward, not backwards.)

The Silmarils are the feeling of hope (see: reactions to Gil-Estel, and it's very name) they are a promise that it all will be good. They are a good thing, but to an untrained eye the promise seems much more immediate, much more like something that can be done here and now.

If I only had them, all would be fine.

And they are not this, Nienna would know, I'm pretty sure Varda knew too when she blessed them (she may have not realized how others see it). They are just a reminder of something unsaid. Estel, not amdir. (It's a little funny to me how this means "looking up" but it's not for this post)

Anyway, the Silmarils. Thingol who realizes he'll lose his daughter (doesn't know how much he would lose her, but a sad marriage to a diet Man is enough, also a kid growing up can be a grief in itself. Or maybe it is because she will be mortal, maybe he suffers from what @dfwbwfbbwfbwf called "pre-traumatic stress disorder"). And a Silmaril is the only thing that could let him through the pain of losing his daughter.

And then he carries it, of course he does, if he let it go he would have to face his pain. He dies and Luthien wears the jewel, then after her death - Dior. A chain of deaths and losses and a beautiful gem.

It is too much for their half-mortal eyes, too much hope to be able to let go of it even if they had a reason.

And Maedhros starts demanding it after Unnumbered Tears (unnumbered, unprocessed, unhealed), which sure, has also a more political/reasonable explanation (he's out of other options), but also, it's a lot of grief.

And it goes into a chain of deaths.

Melian never cared about the Silmaril (she cared about it as a problem, but not about having it). Beren gave it up easily. Earendil have it to the Valar (they have it back later).

The dwarves... There are two things here. One is generational trauma of "the sindar hunted our ancestors for sport"+general racism. The other is that dwarves generally have more need of hope I think... Elves are reborn, Men are said to go somewhere beautiful and mysterious, and the Dwarves??? It's very uncertain.

And at the end it is Makalaure "singing apology songs which doesn't make me less of a murderer, just a hypocrite, but at least helps me process my traumas" Kanafinwe who throws the hope away because someone else would make a better use of it probably, and goes on to live through his darkness.

It's so hard to face your pain and start looking not only at hope for you, but at hope for the others. And sometimes what the world needs to have more hope, is you facing your pain.

I can't find a clear name for what the Silmarils are/mean in this... Something close to hope, but also something you must let go of to process your grief... It's inherently good, but can be overused... I'm sure there's something fitting, I just can't find it.

And the "Feanor will break the Silmarils" thing? For the trees? Seriously? No. He will break then because he will learn to live without them, to live with his pain. He breaks then because they aren't relevant anymore. (Who said that about fulfilled hope not being called hope anymore? My favorite "I can write more weird and more enigmatic stuff that you, but it makes waaay more actual sense than your posts anyway" guy?) He breaks them, but it's not necessary, it's just natural.

(but also tbh they do look a little like seeds so idk why not have new trees, they are kinda cool... well my perception of them looking like seeds is based mostly on "need to break" anyway... My thinking goes in atypical ways)

And there's Morgoth. Oh of course there's Morgoth. The dark Vala who couldn't (wouldn't) process his feelings even if they came with a manual. (He's an Ainu. They very likely initially came with a manual. But he thought he knew better)

He wants to steal hope and blacken it, and destroy it, right?

So... He feeds the Silmarils to Ungoliant? Tries to break them? Hides them far away?

No.

He wears them on his face, even if it hurts terribly. It hurts like dying. This is how clinging to your ego defences feels like. "the pain demands to be felt", to quote my favorite psychology YouTuber writing someone else. If you don't face it, it will still burn. If you run away from it, it will still be there. If you cling to the "I am not sad, everything is fine, it's great", it will burn your face.

But anything else would mean admitting there's a problem. Admitting that they burn would mean admitting that he was wrong. That his pain is there, and also it's not purely (not mostly tbh) others' fault, that he's not the victim in here.

What pain?

Well if you want my opinion, it's funny that it was Finwe who guarded the Silmarils. Finwë who favored his older, more temperamental, more brilliant son and made him the crown prince. Finwë who never told Feanor to sit down and cut his BS. Finwë who everyone says it's such a great father. So if everyone says that, it is rational to expect such behavior, right? It's valid to be angry about being treated in a different way? It must be. Anything else would mean that he was wrong.

It's better to burn.

[theoldkyokodied]

Aaaaand more very quick stream doodles. This one shot was so fun to watch, it’s so sad that it had to end already. But oh well, let’s not dwell on that and let’s enjoy the good time we had, like disguised tiefling gale being both Karlachs and astarions type, wyll and gale having a spa day, bing bong in general (rip king, you will be missed), and of course the 8 strength fight for magic items <3 thanks to the cast for the chaos, I enjoyed it thoroughly

[rainyyy-dayysss]

I am tired. I am tired of trying. I am tired of saying I'm alright when I'm clearly not . I'm tired of this world . I am tired of everything and everyone around me . I am tired of myself. I am tired of living. I don't know what I am doing here anymore. Everything seems to be pointless in the end.

[lord-squiggletits]

Reread/skimmed my oldest Pharma apologism posts (mainly the ones about Pharma not being a functionist) and it just occurred to me that possibly another reason the fandom saddled Pharma with the "functionist bigot" label is because his introduction by First Aid says that everyone hates Decepticons, but Pharma really really hates Decepticons. Mix that with the portion of the fanbase that lionizes and whitewashes the Decepticons, and I can easily see it entering common fanon that "Pharma hates Decepticons -> the Decepticons are freedom fighters wrongly maligned by the Autobots/the franchise -> Pharma must be a bigoted functionist since he hates Decepticons who represent freedom."

The simpler explanation is just that Pharma is an antagonist and therefore gets the "everything about him must be evil and wrong" black-and-white analysis so common in fandoms in general, but given some of the bizarre Decepticon takes I've seen I can also easily see Pharma's Decepticon hatred being taken as a sign of him being bigoted and evil.

Though AGAIN in this case it would still be singling Pharma out as a bigot for crimes/flaws that multiple other Autobots are guilty of like.

Oh, Pharma hates Decepticons? Well a lot of other Autobots hate Decepticons too, First Aid's narration about Pharma even says "we all hate Decepticons"; for that matter, there are a lot of Decepticons who hate Autobots. It's a massive civil war that's lasted for a lifetime causing two groups of people to be stuck in a near-permanent blood feud, you can't assume that every Autobot who hates Decepticons (and vice versa) hates them because they're a bigot. Maybe there's been a war where both sides have been building an ever-increasing mountain of reasons to hate each other, so hating the opposite faction is a social problem caused by war and politics rather than a sign of individual moral failing.

Pharma worked at the New Institute so that means he must be evil/bigoted? Chromedome and Brainstorm also worked at the New Institute, but there's no widespread fandom shunning of them or headcanoning them as bigots.

Hell, even the very premise of assuming Pharma is a functionist bigot for hating Decepticons is ignoring the very premise of Pharma's motives, which are, uh... being blackmailed by the leader of the Decepticon Justice Division, who represents the ultimate form of Decepticon ideals to the point of literally wearing their symbol as his mask? So how were we jumping straight to "oh Pharma hates Decepticons bc he's a posh bigoted functionist" when there was a far more immediate interpretation/headcanon of "Pharma hates Decepticons because he's being tortured and blackmailed by one."

That's not to say that Pharma couldn't have hated Decepticons before Delphi, and I think you could make interesting headcanons/extrapolations based on either idea. But still. It kinda feels like people saw Pharma and just wanted to make him the Token Evil Autobot who's the opposite of our Good Heroic Autobots regardless of whether evidence from canon supported it or not.

Good riddance to bigoted functionist Pharma fanon, I'm so glad that the majority of Pharma fanon these days actually gives him a chance and puts him on equal footing as other Autobots.

[barksbog]

i spent a lot of time when leon was a puppy just counter conditioning him to loud noises and yelling because i live with kinda loud people and didn´t want him to be scared of things like thunder/fireworks

i did actually pull it off and now he thinks yelling and things like banging or clapping are "fun play sounds" and when people try to intimidate him out of being over excited they just get a himbo collie body slamming them

[hamletshoeratio]

Apparently, Eloise is a mean girl and is not a girls' girl???

[larz-barz]

oki so lately i’ve been feeling rlly stressed and stuff when it comes to drawing

like, basically it’s felt like a chore? idk if that’s the right word or not but- basically i think i’m going to stop taking drawing requests

lemme just describe my feelings to y’all rq-

i love to draw, but lately i’ve been less and less focused on drawing what i wanna draw and more focused on i think y’all would like

and if i feel like something just- fails in some way, i get all upset about it (like the eye drawing i did, still not a big fan of it btw-)

i just wanted to let y’all know that none of y’all have ever contributed to these feelings (that ik of- but i srsly doubt it)

this is all me and my anxiety and perfectionism

it’s me getting scared of having my head bitten off because smth wasn’t of my usual standards or of my usual quality

anyways- enough ranting, i love each and every one of you so so much

ima prob take a mini break tmr and maybe another bigger one at some other point this coming week (i don’t wanna do it wednesday since that’s my first day of school and i’ll need yalls moral support)

also, anon, i don’t think i’ll do your request since it’s not one of my fandoms, i’m rlly sorry🫂🫂🫂💖💖💖

i just wanted to thank y’all for being so supportive and sweet to me ever since i joined tumblr

this is definitely one of the hardest decisions i’ve had to make in regards to my tumblr, but i do think this will help my mental health

i will still take suggestions from ppl in my community, but no more art requests

i’m sorry this post is so long omg- ;-;

aaaaaa i love y’alllll

ima tag the whole tag list in this cause this is rlly important imo:)

(also rq reminder that this is only for drawing requests, i’m still gonna take fic requests when i turn them back on:3)

tagging: @hotelcaliforniaenbydancer @nothingtoseehere1-2-3 @rosalinastan1 @ayunakatsukiwolfhashira @pinkwisteria @kimetsu-chan @shycroissanti @slayfics @night-mince10000000000000000001 @zenitsustherapist @frostburn-shoto @floofgryph @aceofstars0 @pulim-v @muichirolover14 @muichirosboba @kiyokatokito

[i-may-be-an-emu]

Some of my favourite out of context sfth ao3 tags because these are so funny (also all of these are from different fics)

Disclaimer that these aren’t mine :)

[quirinah]

i! ro! ha! (six years edition)

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

«i had a dream about my funeral tonight» carlo after moretti's murder, who sometimes wonders if the same fate will befall him

«I sullied my youth with the most vulgar of dreams: In black cars that look like big turtles Shouting out over other people's thoughts in their skulls I'll have a dream about my funeral The bitter rubber of drunken saliva stretches and stretches, a stubborn thread And it ends, thinning When it ends, I'll be gone too Find me, find me, find me under the fence Eyes, eyes, eyelids, lips Black flame» ^ won't link the song but here's the other one that may fit the mood i guess. anyway it's a good song

«Dad, the kids are out in the yard They're burying a bird Not a pigeon or a tit Dad, give me two rubles I'll throw it in the pit Dad, we're family Don't be dramatic

Dad, my collarbone's been hurting all morning Somewhere in the middle of the yard There's a bird buried Dad, give me some milk I'll pour it in the pit»

[stellar-chrondrite]

He's the best boy and no-one can change my mind. Happy Birthday, nerd.

[iffasart]

Im only on episode 12 (send help)

But I think is practically canon that laudna is very clingy so whenever imogen has a VERY close call (almost all the time) laudna gets worried and has to be at all times glued to imogen to remind herself that she's still alive

[spaceratprodigy]

*gulp* deacon/iris "please just kiss me" intimacy ask........ NYE party- (i am shot)

@oldworldwidgets — [ intimacy prompts ]

It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars on our hearts

We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again

pose reference

[nighthaunting]

You ever have a moment where you reconsider something you thought a lot about in the past but then sort of turned your attention away from for a while, and your new perspective just blows the whole thing open?

Me thinking about russ and magnus during ATS/PB today after years of taking a break from HH/40K lore yielded one such series of revelations.

I was thinking about Betrayer and Russ' attempt to give Angron a lesson via the Night of the Wolf. I was thinking about Prospero Burns and Russ' belief that he's had a direct line to Magnus this whole time via Kaspar. I was thinking about that 'please'. And.

I know this is pretty much canon to the text but I've never before really Considered that one of Russ' motives in keeping this guy alive and sending him out on compliances with his Legion was (Russ believed at least) letting Magnus see the SW in action and hoping that this might influence him into trying to Avoid doing anything that might cause Russ to be sent after him.

In the past I've talked a lot about the SW keeping Kaspar around to see what would happen in terms of thinking the TS were up to something or going to do something to the Legion, which is very much the assumption the Chaos entity wanted them to make, but looking back I tbh think i slept on the concept of Russ, who canonically has taken out at least one of the Lost Primarchs in an event which is prefers not to speak (or at least the codex Strongly Implies that Russ has been used against another primarch before), and who also canonically went into the Night of the Wolf fully willing to die to make his point to Angron if only Angron could understand what he was doing.

I'm sort of compelled by the concept because in a sense Russ was letting (what he thought was) Magnus take a peek behind the barbarian mask he likes to put on, to see into a more genuine heart of his legion, letting his guard down a bit by allowing this obviously-compromised spy in. Much the same way he let the mask drop when he went to try and talk some sense into Angron, bringing up philosophy and reading and ideals that Russ' ignorant-but-noble barbarian persona would never admit to being interested in let alone reading.

And both times the gambit failed, in Magnus' case because it wasn't Magnus on the other end of the line, and in Angron's case because he was too far gone to really get what Russ was illustrating for him.

The whole thing was orchestrated so well, ironically giving the "proof" that Magnus was up to something via this sleeper agent spy that the SW were toting around with them, playing on Russ being curious enough to keep this guy around and connect the dots on the (false) links between this guy and the TS. I have this headcanon that Russ and Lorgar were actually fairly close, with Russ actually talking to Lorgar about Lorgar's writings, because he didn't seem surprised that Russ had read them and had thoughts on them in Betrayer, so I actually sort of like the idea that he had a hand in setting up the fall of Prospero? I like the tragedy of the idea that he at least had some input on the idea, being familiar enough with Russ to know he'd take the bait.

Which would make that a third time Russ got genuine with someone and had it either fail or be used against him...

[c28hunter]

I just watched Nimona with my friends and I don't like romances in movies but THE BALISTER AND AMBROSIOUS ROMANCE WAS ALL I NEEDED TO SEE TODAY THANK YOU I AM DEAD