#sorry for the ramble in tags lol this just got me thinking

[a-tale-of-legends]

Reminded myself that Silver and Aiko are exes and how I was worried that would just make things unnecessarily complicated but now I just think it's the funniest thing ever.

Local lesbian bullies her bi ex boyfriend about his obvious crush on her childhood bff while also trying to be his wingman. She catches him pinning for Kenji in 4k and he's trying and failing to insist he does not have feelings for the golden boy. Did I mention that they're exes.

Complicated? Sure, kinda, but funny? Absolutely.

[harbingersglory]

miko is SO REAL for that, two switches fighting over who gets to dom is the best dynamic. if you have time/want to i'd be curious to hear any sub headcanons you have for lisa, ei, ningguang and/or kafka!

this is so incredibly self indulgent because i see ningguang, ei and kafka in the same sentence and explode. everyone pretend i didnt accidentally pick a fav here um

ningguang i already see as a pillow princess more than anything she fits this so well. absolutely adores going slow + worship. treat this woman like royalty and lord you will not regret it. she goes all out to make the night as perfect as possible. will not let you have a hand in any of it sorry!! this is her turf. perfect atmosphere suited to your tastes (tons of candles, if you like that, or just going by moonlight is also her style). incense, taking a few minutes beforehand just to really get settled in the mood (usually by cuddling, but shes not against just taking a moment for some tea or even a game of chess).

you'll also probably need all that extra time to sort through whatever shes bought this time. when i said she goes the whole nine yards i mean it. she has money and she will use it. very expensive lingerie for herself (and you, if thats your thing.) and literally anything you could ever want. it heavily depends on what you both want out of the night but she spares no mora making it the best she can.

the non-sexual intimacy before hand (and especially after) is important to her she takes it very seriously (for the both of you). you'll probably get dragged into taking a long bath afterwards before actually going to bed. hope you arent too tired! because its gonna be a while before you actually sleep.

because this woman has stamina. technically. she's just really pent up and theres no better way to get that stress out then soft sex with her partner. shes not picky about positions really but she has a soft spot for laying on her stomach with a pillow to prop up her hips (really accentuates the pillow princess part, huh /j). if you start massaging her she's gonna wake up the entirety of liyue. she's normally quiet but lord knows she needs it and she cant keep quiet for the life of her.

genuinely just very soft and gentle. she just needs some good pampering after a long day to unwind (preferably with a glass of wine, but thats for later).

ei..is very awkward about it. she probably gets embarrassed if you bring it up but shes not. opposed per se. she's just used to domming that she has no idea what to do. genuinely a mess the first time around but she gets the hang of it quick (shes a quick learner :])

also you just really get to see a side of her you usually never do! she's usually big on topping and shes pretty calm and composed about it (usually). not cold, just..she doesn't outwardly express things often. except when shes subbing. its like a switch flipped

just dont tease her about how visibly flustered and awkward she is about it. because she is. horribly so. shes still pretty quiet but thats just ei, to be fair. its like a cute, nervous puppy. call her a good girl though and she might short circuit so badly the shogun comes out

though i also see ei as someone who prefers giving even when subbing. a dangerous combo considering her body is a puppet and, yknow, cant get tired. you will have to pry this woman off you shes lowkey insatiable when it comes to pleasing you. 100% less of a brat, though. you give her an order shes following through with it before you can blink. efficient!

kafka is similar to miko, imo. maybe yelan too?? she gives off big brat vibes when she subs. she wont use suggestion in bed unless your 100% cool with it and even then its usually when she doms but when she subs? shes a menace. bit of a masochist, to be honest. she'll push your buttons until you crack and decide to punish her but woops, thats just what she wants so she wins anyway!

she cant feel fear but she certainly enjoys a good thrill. specifically sensory deprivation. cover her eyes with a blindfold and keep her guessing. its probably her favorite part, the closest she can get to fear. especially if you add a bit of pain into it.

choking, spanking, bit of blood..this woman is smiling through it all like she's the happiest woman in the world. especially if it makes you frustrated. shes like it desperate and rough.

if thats not your speed, though, she can get that thrill in other ways. semi public sex is her jam so sandwich her against a wall in some random supply closet and make her scream. shes not quiet even in the comfort of whatever room shes booked this time and you'll have to physically shut her up if you dont want to get caught. shes still a brat at heart, though. put your fingers in her mouth and she'll bite. your gonna need the patience of a saint to dom kafka.

[soupmanspeaks]

you ever wonder if the Glamrocks's face tracking acts up when they look at Glamrock-Freddy, like they'll look at his face, and the recognition will register as Freddy, but their systems for whatever reason or another think that there is a face overlapped on Freddy's do you think they see two small squares next to him, at his side, roughly child sized, but no one is physically there.... right...?

[xxplastic-cubexx]

sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them

i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.

under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)

ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.

embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great

back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.

my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)

durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL

'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full

as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL

BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).

tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on

Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive

and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...

once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)

i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)

that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here

before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..

i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....

[gay-for-the-snz]

Christmas was great! c:

[maskofenigma]

another fallen london essay ramble whoo boy (i dont plan these btw) (spoilers for firmament and light fingers in particular plus general spoilers)

ok so do yall remember that one line in Firmament Chapter three where Summer drinks moon milk and looks directly at the player character and nothing happens? if not i get it, that section was pretty hard to follow and it was ultimately inconsequential and also optional so here it is

(from the fallen london wiki - Suggest Summer do it instead)

anyone whos played Light Fingers or is familiar with that plotline knows that this makes zero sense. even normal moon milk has extreme effect if ingested. and unless we're going to have some kind of toxic romance arc with Summer (which would be great but given the lack of foreshadowing and other aforementioned reasons is highly unlikely) we can chalk this up to sloppy writing and unfamiliarity with that ambition on whoever wrote this. such frustration seems to be the consensus on this chapter, at least on here

But! ive been following some liveblogging of early Light Fingers, reminiscing etc etc, when i remembered one other odd tie in to moon milk, in the cave of the nadir. now analyzing the nadir is similarly difficult to zenith because its very vauge and theres a lot of disconnected elements in there all in service of making a place thats confusing and dangerous and unknowable and whatever so take this with a grain of zalt. im sure theres some juicy deeplore in there but what i want to focus on is this

(from the fallen london wiki - "It was the milk... it was the milk, wasn't it?")

this is a weird callout, right? afaik thats one of the very few connections to an ambition in the nadir, alongside whatever the frost moth does in nemesis (havent gotten there yet). so like what gives? its not an especially rewarding action, and it doesnt progress the ambition or anything. its possible, given this comes after the orphanage section, that these two are like escapees of the orphanage after the fire / riot, but it could also be some disconnected memory its all very difficult to discern. and even if that is the case it doesnt really tell us much except maybe foreshadowing for Hephesta's situation. the best i can say is that, taken in context with the other options on that card, maybe its a parallel to Clarabelle's situation, with the references to eggs? there has to be some reason behind this reference, and if there isnt one, than at least let me headcanon this

i think the two instances above tell us very little on their own, but taken in together have fascinating implications. irrigo and violant are thematically opposed colors, forgetting vs remembering, and zenith / the nadir are explicitly connected both textually and in their names (zenith means the highest point of a space or object, nadir means the lowest), so that they both reference moon milk is interesting to say the least. I think this could be telling us that moon milk has different effects when under these two neathbow colors. Moon milk induced obsession seems to be resistant to the psyche destroying affects of the nadir, persisting for the two people in a place where memory is actively unravelled. the woman, even as she tells her companion to forget her, still clearly recalls the affect of the moon milk and her newfound obsessions. maybe this is somehow due to the milk's affect of overwhelming the victims previous life, in essence forcing them to forget what was previously important to them. or maybe, given irrigo's connection with lack of perception and drawing inward, the idea is that when the victim has nothing else to cling to in the nadir, the love instilled by the moon milk persists as a sort of internal source of comfort. in zenith, the violant light seems to dull or entirely nullify the milk's effects if that moment with Summer is to be believed. its stated that the violant forces the player character to be aware of every detail at once, able to perceive even distant objects with total clarity, splitting your attention everywhere at once. the way moon milk works is just an extreme version of a classic love potion: a victim falls deeply in love specifically with the first thing they see. maybe, because one perceives everything at the same time, the moon milk cannot properly take effect. or maybe the violant is just too oppressive, preventing the milk from occupying a victims thoughts as they are overwhelmed by the light.

whatever the case may be this is a very odd pairing. for a section so filled with moon misers, firmament has very little by way of references to Light Fingers, odd given thats one of the main places one would encounter a moon miser. no comment. and that moment in the nadir has always struck me as peculiar, if only for it being seemingly out of nowhere and disconnected to everything else. but moon misers are linked to apocyanic light with some degree of regularity, so i dont think its too great a stretch to connect them to other neathbow colors as well. one wonders how everyones favorite roof beetles might be affected by the other colors of the neath. even if im totally off base and disproven by some text in the high sancta or sunless skies or whatever there has to be something here im sure of it. or maybe ive lost it who knows certainly not me okay bye

[autisticlee]

working through autisitc traumas with my therapist. she wanted me to figure out why I have such a trauma response to doing art collabs with people.

after some poking at my brain, a repressed memory revealed itself and started unfolding. i remembered i was bullied by other artists during a collab, but not the details. then i remembered i saved some screenshots and went through them which unfolded more. it was the time I did my first and so far only art collab. it was meant to be a happy and fun experience, but turned so bad so fast. it was on twitter some years back and i was very much bullied by the mod of it and my collab partner who was his best friend. i truly, genuinely didn't understand why or what was happening??? and couldn't get answers. never got answers. trying to get answers was a big bad no-no. any attempts to ask clarification or explain things made me the "bad guy with behavior problems" but of course this was never explained or talked about with me at all. apparently because if it was, i would be "butthurt" or something. i was never given the opportunity to even discuss it, which i would have preferred, because i like to work through things and have honest and open communication at all times until any conflict is resolved! so this supposed "behavior" i didn't know about was only used later to insult me behind my back, instead of talking it out.

because of course being autistic and trying to ask clarification, understand a problem, wanting to make things better, or explain a misunderstanding means you just have bad behavior, are attention seeking, are trying to start drama and be offensive, have a bad attitude, and are a horrible person 🙄 we all hear this all the time right? many allistics are incredibly offended by us trying to understand what their problem is, not being able to read their minds, and trying get them to have clear and honest communication with us. they rather "drop it" and not discuss it and then blame us when the problem doesn't magically go away! they perceive any attempt at communication as an attack on them. and since we don't play their games how they want or expect, we are the bad person who is doing it "on purpose" apparently!

i've debated back when this happened if I should post these screenshots I have. especially since I didn't get screenshots for all the stuff that was happening. like when the group chat disappeared, I was unable to get anything from before that. if they deleted stuff too quick and i only got the popup notif on my phone but it was gone on twitter, i didn't get it. also i only did screenshots to share with my friend chat and ask them if they understood what was happening because i was so confused. and didn't know there was a problem until it was too late. so i didn't record everything.

I, for the life of me, cannot figure out what was happening. to this day. i'm SO CONFUSED. truly, genuinely, swear on my entire existence, agreeing to accept being cursed and cast to hell if i'm lying at all, i do not understand and was not trying to cause any harm on purpose.

they either genuinely thought I was doing something wrong on purpose and it was all a huge misunderstanding, because i struggle with words due to my disability, and they misread the tone of my texts or something else. i gave them the benefit of the doubt and tried to work it out. but they refused to work out with me.

OR they were just being bullies on purpose and trying to gaslight and accuse me instead for fun? i don't know! if they misunderstood me and decided to take it out on me instead of talking it out, how am i supposed to know what i supposedly did wrong? BECAUSE I DID NOT KNOW. i can only make guesses.

I can't figure it out. there was no talking with these people because they decided I was a bad, horrible person for trying to talk it out and understand/explain what (i thought) was happening, so they wouldn't have honest communication with me no matter what I did. I would just get shut down and told i'm trying to make drama. I hate drama. but I love clear communication and understanding and fixing problems! sorry if you don't value clear communication and rather take offense to it and call it "drama/bad behavior" lmao.

i do admit i avoided directly talking out problems with my collab partner, mainly because i didn't know there was a problem or how or approach it??? because it wasn't ME having the problem with them. it was me perceiving they had a problem with me but were silent on it and i was punished for not reading their mind. things started bad with the mod, so i didn't want to "cause more drama" by asking why my collab partner didn't want to talk to me and was ignoring me in the gc. but they also never tried to communicate with me about the problem they may have had, so how is that on me? why is it my job to figure out thir issue and bring it up first? if they don't say anything, i can only assume it's not that big of a deal for them?? right? more on that later with a screenshot

so, I don't even feel like blocking out usernames anymore. i started to but meh i give up. if that's wrong, i apologize. i've decided that if they have the same usernames still and someone decides to take this to them, then whatever. they can either act like an adult, listen to me, and have clear and honest communication in order to work out the misunderstanding, and apologize for THEIR behavior, or they can leave me alone. you cannot claim someone was purposely doing bad things when they are completely clueless about it.

if they think I WAS THE PROBLEM and i don't know what the hell i did wrong, it's THEIR responsibility to tell me. but they did not. the only "problem" they told me about was my art apparently being shit after i definitely NEVER asked for their "advice"

anyway here's some of the screenshots i got along with the story. maybe if someone reads all this you can help explain what the fuck was even happening and help me understand?????????? did i make an honest mistake and not realize, or were they just being bullies like my old friend gc told me? but i'm using this post to try to work it out now that my therapist made this repressed memory come back and encouraged me to work through it....

it started when an artist on bts kpop twitter posted about an art collab their friend was hosting that needed more people. i replied and said i'd join! i love collabing and working together with people and would love more art friends! so they added me to the group chat.

when we got enough people, the mod announced that we will choose what member of bts we want to draw and be partnered with one person doing the same member to draw opposite theme arts. i said i'd take yoongi if no one else does. i literally gave an opportunity to let someone else take him because i wanted to be nice! no one else did. only my future collab partner did. i waited and no one said anything. i didn't get a response from the mod but everyone else did for theirs, as he marked them all down and shared the doc screenshot. yoongi still unmarked. i was 110% planning on giving him to someone else IF THEY JUST SAID THEY WANTED HIIM. but literally no one did. yet i kept getting told someone called him already so i have to wait for them to respond?????

so of course i kept trying to ask, because every other member was filling up and only like 2 others + yoongi were left

WHO WERE THESE PEOPLE. WHERE WERE THEY. WHY WERENT THEY TALKING. why was it my responsibility to talk to them if yo u won't tell me who they are! pretty sure i asked who they were so i can talk to them but didn't get a response. i was never told once who these people were???? so as far as i'm concerned, they never existed!

even others in the gc stuck up for me saying i called yoongi first! a few of them even dm'd me saying they're trying and also don't know why i'm being ignored. i asked if they saw anyone else call yoongi first before i was added to the gc so i can message the person, because YOU CANNOT SEE MESSAGES FROM BEFORE YOU WERE ADDED TO A GC. and i was among the last 3 or so to be added. so if someone said it, i literally cannot find proof myself, yet the mod refused to send me proof of the claim. the people who dm'd me said they didn't see anyone else either. i even asked one of them to scroll back and look and send me a screenshot of who claimed him and they said there was no one before me! (i didn't think to screenshot those dms unfortunately. but i got a few where they said it on the gc itself)

"it's about getting here first" while people were saying i WAS first??? according to literally everyone EXCEPT YOU i was first. you refused to tell me who this "real" first was. how am i supposed to talk to them then??? and i have to wait for them to speak up themselves because you refuse to tell me. if i remember correctly, he even said he's not going to call them out and i have to wait for them to reveal themselves. no one did lmao. so WHAT IS FAIR ABOUT ANY OF THIS. it's not fair to me that's for sure.

this is where i didn't get many screenshots because i was suddenly kicked from the chat soon after this. i only have these few because i was asking my friend gc what this meant and what i'm supposed to do since most of my messages are being ignored. there were more of me asking, being ignored, other people trying to speak up for me, and being told yoongi is taken, despite it not being marked off on the doc....all i did here was ask if i can do yoongi if no one else is, and since it looked like no one else was, then asked a few more times because i never got a response until other people started speaking up for me.

it was part of the lost chat, so i didn't get screenshots, but my future collab partner was practically begging everyone to work with them on yoongi. but they all refused and said they already chose a different member and that i chose yoongi first. they weren't asking someone who said they wanted yoongi. they were asking people that chose a different member! so if someone chose him already, why weren't they @'ing that person to ask them??? they even discussed their whole idea which was angel and demon and they were doing the angel side. i said i like that idea and since the others don't want to do yoongi, i'd be happy to do that idea with them! i was ignored. and perhaps i was metaphorically attacked

while i was typing in the text box to send another message, the chat box froze, then the group chat suddenly went blank, and nothing was there anymore, with a popup thing saying there was an error or something, and it wouldn't let me send the message. i thought maybe my internet went out so checked it. it was fine. i thought twitter broke. i restarted the app and the gc was completely gone from my messages??? i thought the mod decided to end it and i didn't see the message because i was typing. so i went to his twitter to see if he posted an update. nothing. then he sends me a message

i was incredibly confused. i figured there was a mistake, but tried to investigate to figure out how twitter broke that bad when i was the only person that had that issue. i said if i figure out what happened, i'd let him know. all i know is i didn't, COULDNT have left the chat by myself. you can't just click leave when you're in the middle of typing a message 😭

so when i joined the gc, i followed everyone in it once we finalized who was part of the collab. but i noticed once i was added back in, there was ONE person i was suddenly no longer following. i asked my friend gc, and they confirmed that if you block (or soft block, aka blocking and unlocking immediately) it makes the person unfollow you, but also kicks you out from any gc you share with them. they know because they blocked each other as a joke sometimes and had to keep adding each other back in the gc after that.

so logically, if i'm suddenly not following one single person in the gc, but i'm still following everyone else. that means they soft blocked me and no one else could have (i didn't know the term soft block at the time, so i didn't use it. so there is a chance they took "block" rather than soft block as a offense? and maybe that was my mistake? but also it could have very well went the same way regardless) but like i said, i let him know that i figured it out! i stated it very matter of factly, as in i wasn't upset but just stating what i thought was facts. what i thought had happened based on my investigation and discussing with my friends. i didn't care at all about the soft block. you do you. if you don't want me to follow and we aren't friends, i don't give a fuck. i was just stating the reason i was suddenly gone from the chat! but if the reason was because we were about to become collab partners and you didn't want that to happen, you owe me words and an explanation. it's not up to me to read your mind and try to figure it out!!!! so i tried to explain my thought process to the mod.

i assume sam here was annoyed at me asking to be partners since all their friends were turning them down and this supposed "first" yoongi-claimer wasn't speaking up. so they decided to "get back at me" by soft blocking because they don't want me following. sure. whatever. but what i don't think they realized was it KICKS ME FROM THE GROUP CHAT.

this is where things get muddy and confusing......and also everything is stacked against me because surprise, my collab partner and the mod are best friends! i don't think alex realized how soft blocking works / wouldn't accept it. wouldn't accept that their best friend was the cause and i didn't "choose" to leave on by myself. i tried to explain how twitter works and he refused to listen

alex was not listening to reason or logic AT ALL. he let his "i must protect best friend" emotions cloud his judgement. he took it as me accusing his best friend of i-don't-know-what offense to purposely try starting drama. well I PERSONALLY didn't see how this was a bad thing??? and i wasn't sharing this info to make it out to be a bad thing at all. i was sharing that i figured out how i was kicked because i said i would if i figured it out! i accepted the soft block and would let that go. a soft block kicking me from the gc was probably a small mistake sam didn't anticipate. maybe they didn't tell alex about it, so maybe alex had no idea. no harm in sam admitting to it and apologizing or even moving on! but it seems sam kept it to themself. it may have all been a misunderstanding. yet when i tried to talk it out but was only shut down.

alex never even acknowledged the fact that sam was begging everyone else to do yoongi with them. why didn't alex tell sam to ask the mysterious "first yoongi asker" i kept getting told existed???? why didn't alex tell sam to talk tot me about about it? why didn't alex tell me who that supposed person was to tell them to dm me? why did they never get yoongi in the end if they existed? why was i by default given yoongi when he was inevitably left over? why was everything my responsibility, my fault, and my problem? why was trying to get clarification and not getting any a bad and horrible thing? why could no one speak clearly, honestly, and straightforward with me? i can only assume these people who claimed yoongi didn't exist and were made up since they never spoke up and alex refused to tell me their name. so obviously they had a problem with me choosing yoongi and refused to speak about it to me! they just hoped someone else would claim him, but turned out everyone was on my side sticking up for me

so i tried to talk about it since no one else would come to me first. i tried to explain that i thought it was because sam wanted to work with their friends they asked who kept turning them down, and especially since the last message i was able to send was saying i'd do it with them since their friends won't. then suddenly poof, i was kicked. but yeah alex won't listen. sam probably lied to him saying they didn't soft block me so they can make me look like the bad guy. despite twitter literally having this mechanic that all pointed to sam doing exactly what i had said. alex had no way of refuting it except deciding i'm a liar. either that, or they were in on it together. but part of me wants to think sam lied and alex truly didn't understand. but try explaining as a stranger to someone their best friend is lying to them.....instead IM the liar i guess LOL

I WAS GENUINELY CONFISED AS FUCK AND TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT AND YOU WERE NOT HELPING AT ALL ALEX. WHY WOULD A LIAR BE CONFUSED???? I DIDNT ACCUSE SAM OF ANYTHING BAD EITHER. I WASN'T DOING DRAMA. I WAS BEING TRUTHFUL AND SERIOUS. I WAS TRYING MY BEST TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS HAPPENING AND UNDERSTAND SO I COULD TRY TO HELP FIX IT. IF YOU USED YOUR BRAIN AND COMMUNICATED PROPERLY WITH ME INSTEAD OF RUNNING YOUR EMOTIONS MAYBE YOU'D SEE THE LOGIC BEHIND MY WORDS. MAYBE IF YOU COMMUNICATED PROPERLY TO BEGIN WITH THIS WOULDNT HAVE HAPPENED

but of course someone will only believe their best friend...but why is soft blocking a bad thing that you need to defend so hard? sure, it's rude, but everyone does it so it was so normalized, i thought it was fine to point out, like genuinely. AND I WAS OK WITH IT I ACCEPTED IT????? they coud have asked me to unfollow and i would have asked why but did it in the end. but if sam had an issue with working with me to the point they wanted me to not follow anymore, they should use their words and speak to me!!!!!!!!! not soft block me away and start this whole nonsense.

i assume i was kicked upon soft block and sam didn't know that's what happens when you soft block and that's why they "didnt know until alex told them" so they panicked and lied to alex about not blocking me (OR they hard blocked and noticed i was out and panicked and unblocked? but soft block sounds more believable to me for some reason) and alex of course took their side and believed them, typical best friend behavior. but still doesn't excuse alex's behavior and deciding i'm the bad person. i tried so hard to fix the issue and come to an understanding but he made up his mind and refused to give me the benefit of the doubt like i'm STILL giving him for some reason! when he doesn't deserve it at this point!

anyway, i'm added back to the gc and i'm FINALLY given yoongi since i'm the only one without an assignment and he's the only one left over. i wasn't even told. the final doc was just posted. so everyone starts discussing their ideas. i said i'm going with what my partner suggested earlier, unless they want to do something else. they didn't respond and tell me they disagreed? they just posted this:

all i had to go off of was what i remembered them saying before i was kicked from the gc. so i started on that. i assumed they didn't want to discuss further when they said this? i also assumed they didn't want to talk to me because i was still sure they soft blocked me because how else would all that happen.....

they ended sending me their art that was not at all the concept they said they were doing in the gc. it didn't match mine so i told them i was doing what they said they were doing and they're like oh fine i guess i have to redo my art. so they redid it. but that's on you for deciding to not discuss it and not doing your original concept.

i think it was while waiting for sam to finish their art, some other weird things were happening???? can't remember if it was only sam or if alex did it too, but they started liking a bunch of my old tweets, so it felt like they were stalking my account (trying to dig up dirt to prove i'm a bad person perhaps?) don't know but it made me feel uncomfy. didn't mention it though. just felt weird so idk what the purpose was

one of the old tweets they found was where i posted a dtiys post ("draw this in your style") which was a twitter trend where artists posted an art that they let other artists redraw, but in their style. basically you copy the art, but in your style. you don't change the general art concept. you are supposed to keep all the main details, not change them to make it look completely different. it's supposed to be recognizable as a redraw, not like a whole different art. at least that's how all the ones i saw were done. unless i misunderstood. also, you're supposed to quote retweet the original art with your art or add the link in your replies to credit the original. here's an example i just found, you can see how you're supposed to do it, how everyone does it:

so these two suddenly posted a dtiys of my art! i was surprised, and at first wasn't suspicious at all, my brain just jumped into grateful mode, so i went to thank them. before i could see it, they were deleted. i clicked the notification popup on my phone and it said no longer exists. a bit later they were reposted and stayed up longer. i waited before i responded this time and they stayed up for a while. this is when i started to get sus since i could look at the posts now. they didn't quote my original art. just posted it and @'d me.

and.....it wasn't the best art. they even both said so themselves in their posts. but mainly it wasn't good because they failed to do the prompt correctly at all. they didn't draw my art in their style. they posted an art not even slightly related to my art! i wasn't going to point this out, but thank them and move on. alex was like "hope you don't mind i changed some details" but there were no detail at all that matched mine so ??????????? it looked like they posted a random unrelated art, maybe slightly edited pretending it was a dtiys. if they did draw whole new arts,,,,,looking like they used an unrelated art they already had done explains how badly they did the whole prompt. but it's not your job to judge if they don't ask you to. so i didn't say anything about that. maybe explains why they didn't quote/link my art like everyone else who did the dtiys did. maybe they didn't want anyone to call out the fact they didn't do the dtiys it right. (but it could have also been them not wanting to give me "clout" by sharing my art with their followers?)

i didn't screenshot alex's full art since i didn't think to do it, but you can see enough of it to see it's nothing close to mine. alex and sam posted at exactly the same time as you can see from the timestamps. so they were obviously planning it together. seemed super sus. and here's my art to compare and see how they didn't do MY art in their style at all. they did a completely different art (the main focus of the art was supposed to be the big hat and the little bird on it, as well as the colors. they didn't do any of those things! it's also meant to be a messy sketch with water color where i was playing with colors. not perfect or realistic! i did this as a way to try to convince myself to NOT be a perfectionist about my art! which makes the things i was told after this so much worse....)

but ok cool. i liked/rt'd both arts. i was able to comment on one, which was alex's, but as i was trying to reply to sam's they deleted

then alex responded to my response. i didn't get a screenshot of the first reply because he deleted it soon after, but i paraphrased the best i could remember to my friends who i asked to help me figure out what was happening, so this was basically the first reply, followed by the second (and my reply to the art that was deleted as well) ((also this was before i went by "Lee" so i crossed out my old name for myself. he/him was also used and i used they/them fulltime now))

after i shared this with my friend gc to ask what they think, one friend got super defensive and said she was going to respond. i told her multiple times not to. she didn't listen because i got a notif that she responded to the thread. so i muted that thread because i said i don't want to be part of that since i told her not to. i even defended alex's pronouns because that friend kept calling him "she" and i told her to stop shitting on his art. we aren't friends anymore, but when we were, i still wasn't defending her decisions there lol so i'm not going to defend her at all now either since some of the replies were her just being mean lmao. her words are her own responsibility, it had nothing to do with me. so i won't share those.

since i muted the thread and didn't look at what they were saying to each other, i got curious and just now went back and looked up my old friend's replies so maybe i can gain some kind of clarity to the situation and make sense of it now. i can't believe what i read from alex, but also i'm not surprised. the thread was broken so might be missing stuff. so this is all that was found. but alex was showing his true colors. tori replied to the above tattoo comment:

i won't include it because it's kinda irrelevant, but alex says he's just giving advice because he apparently ~knows better~ they argued a lot with tori saying alex did the challenge wrong, alex saying he can do what he wants. and alex saying he and sam didn't like the art they did so both deleted it. tori saying there's no reason to delete and they should keep it up out of respect. and why even post it if you don't like it lmao, especially after you insulted my art. then, for no reason, alex was just being super nasty towards me/my art for no reason when i had nothing to do with what tori was saying! basically he seems to have revealed his true colors!

what does alex EVEN MEAN here. i don't understand it lmao. is he trying to say he sees why i don't have art friends because i had a protective friend group???? how's that make sense LOL and oh standing up for your friend is "disrespectful and uncalled for"?? i guess you're also disrespectful then alex. you defending sam and calling me a liar was uncalled for! hypocrite. who do you think YOU are????

ANYWAY if you hate my art so much, why the fuck did you choose that art for dtiys challenge???? why even do a dtiys of my art at all????? i had many other arts to choose from!!!! if your whole reason was just so you would be able to insult my art, then what the fuck. why bother? but alex clearly hated my art SO MUCH. so i can't understand why he chose to do it unless it was for the purpose of bullying????? especially when he and sam both admitted to not putting effort into it! even though he had to ~spend so much time fixing my mistakes~ 🙄 i'm going to puke on him. what. you can't "fix other people's mistakes" in art. it doesn't work that way.

the thread got split so i will try to put them together in order. apologies if it's confusing!

to use your own words against you alex, i don't know who you think you are but. no one made you king of art and gave you the right to judge others' LMAO "as a tattoo artist i have the right to judge--" NO YOU DONT YOU ELITIST FOOL. that's hilarious. and you called the whole thing "utterly awful" so this wasn't just about tattoos. and the contradicting himself? first saying he had to "spend hours fixing" then turns around to say "have better things to do than fix other ppl mistakes" make up your mind. did you spend hours on it or rush to finish? and you don't get to call other people's art a "mistake" lmao

next, "it's not bad to seek advice" THATS THE PROBLEM ALEX. I DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR ADVICE. did you not know it's extremely rude to give "advice" when not asked? it's rude and looked down on to criticize someone's art to their face when they didn't ask. you don't try to help if they didn't want help. (especially when it was one art i posted about being very proud of! it was like this was on purpose!) i don't think alex wanted to help at all, especially when his "advice" was about being destructive and not constructive at all. i can't learn from insults. there was no real advice. only telling someone they did wrong or bad isn't advice lmao. IF YOU ARE GOING TO CRITISIZE do NOT give DESTRUCTIVE advice by pointing out what is "bad/wrong" instead be constructive and actually say how to improve. but only if asked!!!!! alex was WAY more destructive than constructive! all he did was point out what he didn't like. the only thing i "realized" is alex thinks he's king shit, has some kind of complex where he thinks he's the best at art, thinks he has the right to judge when he does not, and sucks at giving advice lmao

also, he claims to be a tattoo artist, but i doubt that was true. i can believe a wannabe who was studying or something, but i doubt he was even a trainee who did a single tattoo before. maybe he started after, but there's no way this person was an actual tattoo artist at this time. (he better work on his attitude AND art first to be honest) i bet i've been doing art longer than he's been alive so if anyone is allowed to judge, uh i mean, give advice, it's me. but i'll be nice and not insult, um i mean, give unwanted advice about his art :)

i should go to you because you're the mod, alex? tori was wrong here. because I TRIED AND ALEX CALLED ME A LIAR WHO WAS TRYING TO START DRAMA. why would i trust you and try to talk it out again when you shut me down the first time!!!!! and ignored me in the gc until everyone else spoke up for me asking why you're ignoring me!!!!!! and he still held onto me "leaving the group chat" which is completely false. i really wish i had screenshot the gc when it suddenly cleared all messages and told me there's an error, but i did not because i genuinely thought it was a real error!

and.............*autistic facepalm* we all heard this a lot haven't we? my "BeHaViOr" lmao. put that on the autism bingo card! "scared away because of (their) behavior and ended up leaving the chat" WHAT DOES THIS MEAN. my "behavior" scared me and made me leave the gc? what????? please make sense!!!

"immature behavior that made people want to leave" who the fuck wanted to leave? most everyone was standing up for me when you and sam were ignoring me???? no one said they had a problem with me! if they did, they could come to me about it, or you could tell me. but no, no one told me ANYTHING AT ALL.

"made me uncomfortable" you and sam made ME uncomfortable lmao. so i guess we are even!

"(their) behavior meant (they were) clearly seeking attention" i don't understand how???? who was i "seeking attention" from???? IF I WANTED TO SEEK ATTENTION i would have posted my screenshots on main on twitter, making a long thread, to expose your rotten asses to all your friends!!!!!!! not keep them for nearly 5 years and dissociate the memories away, only to unlock them in therapy and post them quietly here where i doubt anyone will see it, just so i can work out the trauma you left me with. maybe i should have been "attention seeking" and exposed you to everyone!!!!!

anyway, so me asking things in the gc and getting ignored with no clarification at all, then suddenly being kicked form the gc and telling you what happened when i figured it out, all while trying to fix your poor communication problems for you is apparently seeking attention now LOL. don't make me laugh. if you got to know me at all, i am the last person to "seek attention" and rather not be perceived. but i don't take kindly to being ignored, so of course i kept asking when you refused to respond??? how is that "immature behavior" unless me explaining that i DID NOT LEAVE THE GC MYSELF is "immature behavior" to you because your bestie lied to your face. but you'll never believe me over them so that means i'm wrong i guess 🙄

"under the impression that some other person also wanted to do yoongi" alex, my guy. my bro. buddy. this is exactly where all the problems started. you can't put this all on this imaginary person who supposedly wanted to do yoongi that you had no proof even existed in the first place! the person you refused to tell me the name of when i asked, who you told me to discuss this with. but instead insisted that i wait for them to speak up first, which they did not! just TELL ME WHO THEY ARE SO WE CAN TALK IT OUT. WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO DO???? this was all while sam begged everyone else in the gc to do yoongi with them, ignoring me too. and not asking the imaginary person who claimed him "first" which can only mean no one else actually called him but me, and sam just didn't want to work with me. IF THATS THE ISSUE JUST TELL ME AND I WILL TRADE WITH SOMEONE WHAT THE FUCK. WHY WERE YOU MAKING THIS SO HARD. USE YOUR WORDS. NO ONE CAN READ YOUR MINDS. you both hoped someone else would step in to claim yoongi from me, but no one did. they all ended up being on my side instead and not helping you. cry about it.

also, if this person existed you should have put their name down on the doc but you did not, instead you said yoongi was still open to be picked for anyone, except for me apparently. i said "if no one else is doing it" the first time and no one else jumped in. i was clearly willing to give it away! if only you just talked about it with me honestly instead of playing these weird mind games..... you cannot put the blame on me here when you have worse communication skills than me, the autistic person lmao (i sear i have better communication skills than most allistics despite how much i struggle with it!)

but yeah of course, alex doesn't care if i'm autistic. he "couldn't care less and ain't gonna judge someone because of that" but this whole problem is him judging me for being autistic tbh. you don't understand autism CLEARLY since you were extremely unwilling to accommodate my communication needs (clear, straightforward, honest) and decided to play mind games instead

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THIS "BEHAVIOR" I SUPPOSEDLY HAD?!?!?!? you "never pointed it out because you didn't want me to be butthurt" (your calling ME immature and you're using "butthurt" lmao ok that's hilarious) you judge me for my "behavior" but refuse to "point out" what this behavior even is, when i NEED TO BE TOLD THINGS IN ORDER TO NOW ABOUT THEM. autism 101, try learning about it! me thinks it's an excuse because he can't actually tell me what i did wrong since there was nothing lmao

i don't like how tori worded this with the "doesn't know any better" part though. sounds like she's trying to excuse ACTUAL bad behavior, sinxe that happens all the time and i don't agree with that. it makes me angry. but she is right in that i don't know a lot of the time. IF NO ONE TELLS ME. you have to mention it to me and not expect me to read your mind! if i get no indication of how you feel based on my "behavior" then, how am i supposed to know i apparently did something wrong? (tbh i'm trying so hard to figure out what could have led to this, like what i did "wrong," because i'm the type to admit to my mistakes and try to learn fom them, and cna't even come up with anything at all. so it just sounds like pure victim blaming to me and trying to pretend he was the true victim)

but how am i supposed to know that asking why i wasn't marked down for yoongi and who this supposed other person was is "bad/immature behavior" LOL I CANNOT READ YOUR MINDS. the only other thing i said in the group chat was telling sam i loved their idea so i'd love to work with them since it looks like no one else is calling yoongi and he's the only one left. real immature of me 🙄

i know there was more, because tori was sharing some screenshots in the group chat and i remember her pointing out that sam joined in too and i think one of their other friends. they started shit talking her AND me in spanish, thinking we wouldn't understand. funny that my spanish speaking friend was reading all their replies and translating in the group chat LOL. i don't have those. i didn't screenshot the translation chats and didn't see them appear in the thread i just looked at.

after that, everything stopped i think. i don't remember anything else, so i think my crazy friends scared them off. we aren't friends anymore but i'm grateful for the help that i didn't ask for since in the end it made them leave me alone. i begrudgingly finished my art and turned it in. i decided to finish it because once i decide a thing, i stick to it, even if i'm super stressed and unhappy. but i also figured i'd be petty and not let sam have fun by getting a new partner since i didn't like whatever was happening. you're suffering with me buddy. didn't interact with them again after the collab ended. the end. alex sometimes sent messages pretending to be nice and stuff but i know it was all fake, especially after seeing the things he said to tori about me.

so.............WHAT THE FUCK. is there any explanation lmao. what was their reason? what was the purpose? i'm so confused. i want to understand them and why they did what they did (i know i will never. wanting to understand and struggling to accept i never will is a huge flaw of mine that i need to figure out how to stop, but don't know how)

i wish i had all the screenshots for better context, but at least there's a few. if someone reads this, do you have an explanation? is this a case of my autistic flaws caused a misunderstanding and i "did something wrong" in their eyes because they misunderstood, is it allistics suck at communicating even more than me and autistic person who is supposed to be the one "bad at communicating", or are they just bullies?

my conclusion is that they are bad at communication, sam threw a fit and made a mistake which they lied about, alex misunderstood and then blamed me for everything and decided i'm a bad person, so they did weird things to bully me, leading to alex saying really rude and insensitive things about me to tori when called out, playing the victim in it all when it's obvious he was in the wrong. sound about right?

[daz4i]

bored so i’m looking for shit to overanalyze. anyway you know how nikolai has the 3 diamonds thingie on his eye. and how the diamonds suit can be switched with pentacles in tarot. anyway

upright this card has nothing to do with him (tldr: teamwork, collaboration, learning, implementation. maybe that last one...? if you stretch it) but reversed it’s p much all on point imo. this part^ is more for the doa in general. they literally all have different goals, but like, theoretically, i can see why the other 4 would work on the same things bc at the end of the day it can help them in some way. but not nikolai. he always stands out to me the most in that regard, bc his personal goal is the literal opposite of what the doa’s trying to achieve

this is interesting to me, bc we are first introduced to him when he’s disguised as a government worker that’s definitely overlooked by his superiors, BUT even in the doa he was meant to do his part of the plan then die. he really is basically meant to sacrifice everything for this plan and not even live to see its fruits, and there’s no way for him to further his own personal agenda either

at the end of the day, he went against the plan and saved himself, then went against it again by saving sigma all on his own, AND he’s the one breaking fyodor and dazai out of prison (even if. um. in his own unique way). every time we see him, he works alone. the most he does is drag sigma around with him, but not really involve him in anything actively outside of simple mundane things, never actually letting him in on it

NOW! and interesting thing i thought about, is that the upright meaning of this card is actually more aligned with the plans fyodor has for the doa. his plan relies on collaboration and everyone doing their part. and i thought, “wouldn’t it be funny if fyodor had a 3 of diamonds thing going on too”. and!

this is the card his game with ace ended on! what a crazy coincidence amiright. (i WILL say tho that’s not the case in the anime)

i mentioned a tldr of what the three of pentacles is, but to go in a bit more length, it’s everyone doing their role and bringing their best to the table. everyone is at different levels of experience and skill, but if they work as a team, they will bring the best out of each other.

i think this is def what fyodor’s going for. for example, he thinks sigma’s lack of history is his strength. he sees his lack of experience as something that contributes to his plan, and he’s willing to work with that. if anything, fyodor is closer to fitting the meaning of the three of pentacles

now. the thing about playing cards is they don’t really have a reversed form, they’re always upright. when we first meet nikolai - out of disguise - he does seem to fit that idea, talking excitedly about why he joined the decay of angels. but... we also see that his words are written by The Page. no better way to implement teamwork than controlling your coworkers’ actions!

there’s this theory running around that whenever nikolai has his eye cover off, that means he’s being his true self. if you wanna go into symbolism, you could say that working with a team - the meaning of the upright three of pentacles, or, the three of diamonds, the symbol literally covering his eye - is what’s diverting his eyes from his true goal, and only when he takes it off - becomes the reversed meaning of it - can he be himself and work towards what he wants.

you could also say, to an extent, that his attachment to fyodor is the thing that’s blinding him, and that this is the reason he wants to kill him and be free. to support this idea, he quite literally removes it when talking about it

the thing holding him back from going and achieving what he wants, the thing holding him back from true free will, the one who planned for him to die, the one whose plans involved nikolai’s actions to be written in the book. his attachment to fyodor. that’s why he has to kill him to achieve freedom

i’m not sure how to transition into the next thing, but this official art

becomes even more interesting to me in the context i’ve laid out so far. this is naturally designed to look like a card, one of the royals specifically, and i doubt that’s not intentional

well. we’ve just said that fyodor (or at least, his plan with the doa, which i’d say is his connecting thing to nikolai from his personal perspective) and nikolai are the inverted meanings of the same card. but the interesting thing is how nikolai’s the one upright in this one, and fyodor “reversed”. this might just be bc nikolai’s the more recent character so he needed high quality art to show off his design for the first time, but... ig if i stretch things again (which, tbf, this entire post is one big stretch lmao, so what’s another small one), his goals are more aligned with the protagonists - free will for all of humanity, rather than peace at the price of everyone being mind controlled. also killing fyodor lol. it could simply mean that this reversed meaning is the “correct” one, in the context of the story.

anyway, i’m not sure how to end this post, but i hope you enjoyed this blurb of words and maybe took something from it to add to your own future theories or analysis of either of them/their relationship 😌

[prickly-problematic-programmer]

happy 3rd death day, unus annus 🖤🤍⚰️

unus annus still means a lot to me, even 3 years since it ended.

one of the things i associate the most with it is the idea of trying/learning new things, as i taught myself how to knit during the ending livestream, challenged myself to do my first game jam during the last week of its life, and took up baking as a hobby throughout the entirety of the pandemic.

this year, about halfway through, (mostly because of @gothmothinc inspiring me so much🧡), i decided to take up drawing again!!! and finally, 3 years after unus annus’ end, i finally feel like i’m at a point where i can post some fanart and be proud of it.

so here’s to 4 years of remembering death and taking things one day/year at a time. here’s to 3 years of doing it on our own. and here’s to many more years down the road.

momento mori 🖤🤍⚰️

[oso-nan]

has someone made gifs of the two times luigi has ripped his shirt off yet

[moxtoons]

First of all it is a pleasure. To the point, what was your inspiration to start drawing? and… How did you hear about Cuphead?

A pleasure to speak to you too!💛

And as for your question-

I had to dig deep for this information lol my memory isn't what it used to be!

But I remember I heard about the Cuphead game back when they released that awesome trailer at E3 2015! I have always been a fan of rubber hose cartoons and my favorite games growing up were platformers, so when I saw this labor of love video game I couldn't be more excited! I didn't talk about it much on here but HOO BOY my excitement for this game was insane!

When I finally got to play it I was SO excited! I fell in love with it! It was challenging and charming and clearly the product of a passionate and skilled team! It remains one of my favorite games! It took me a while to come around to watch the show. I watched it only a couple months or so before the release of the final couple of episodes on netflix aired. I love both the cartoon and the game with all my heart, they both helped me through some hard times. It's crazy to think I only just now got into the online fandom considering how long I've been a fan! But I've loved all the mutuals and followers I've gained through making art for this and I can't wait to see what else comes out of this wonderful fandom.

Here's hoping they renew the show and also here's to supporting all studio MDHR has to offer!🥂

[indecisive-dizzy]

Ramble about Eddie to your heart’s content, bestie :D

I’m honestly very interested in your ideas :3

Again, don’t be scared to just ramble in my ask box, I love hearing peoples ideas

AJDKKAGAJAKAK- THANK YOU <3 <3

I'm wailing rn /pos

My AU! Disabled Eddie!! Ok so he wasn't born with his disability, it came about later.

My Current story is that he had stroke in late middle/early high school! I have done research and Yes it is possible for teens and younger to have strokes. From what I recall it can be significantly worse for them compared to adult strokes

Eddie was left with permanent complications and is disabled bc of it. He has coordination, balance, and general mobility complications among a list of other post stroke effects. I just found the word I was looking for a few days ago to describe his mobility issues, it's Ataxia!

Eddie has to deal with bouts of muscle weakness on his right side which can effect his vision. He also gets vertigo a Lot and at this point dizziness is expected every time he stands.

He uses forearm crutches when he needs extra help walking bc he does have good days where he may not need them! But for longer distances he brings them bc he's better safe than sorry. He also has cane but he doesn't use it As much.

He also has a wheelchair that he Hates. He hates having to use it. But his Really horrible days leave him unable to stand, much less walk. He wishes he could just hide it somewhere and never think about it but alas. it's important.

He dislikes the wheelchair so much bc it makes him feel useless. He is Not! I want to clarify that wheelchair users are perfectly Capable and Independent! Eddie just has an issue with overachieving and working himself too hard. He wants to be helpful and do So Much but there are some things he can't do while in his wheelchair. He was stuck in a chair for months after his stroke and it was devastating back then. He has No good memories with a wheelchair so he continues to dislike using it.

Ok putting a read more bc I am not shutting up for a While

Relationships with the neighbors! Generally the same. Barnaby doesn't chase him bc that would be mean (? I can't think of a better way to describe it)

Sally is still Sally but she's specific on her mailman hate (lmao) to make sure Eddie and everyone else knows she's not faulting him for his disability.

Hmm yeah everything else is pretty much the same. I guess everyone is also more open about offering Eddie help from time to time if he looks like he needs an extra hand. They're not persistent or anything, but if they see him struggling to carry a package or two they're more inclined to help.

I still don't know how Howdy gets his shit. Honestly If Eddie is having a crutch or chair day,, Howdy just won't get his stock unless he gets it himself. I can't think of a way for Eddie to deliver all those heavy ass boxes.

He does ask people to pick up their packages occasionally too. He tries to deliver them all himself but it's not always possible. He offers a trolley they can use.

I want to talk about angst. So this is very specific, I'll try to keep it short. growing up, Eddie lived in a four bedroom house. two downstairs master bedrooms and two upstairs normal bedrooms. Before his stroke he was upstairs, his older brother in the other room, and his older sister in the bedroom downstairs.

Afterwards he had to move downstairs. His sister Hated this. She loved her room and her private bathroom and she was very prissy about it.

This snowballed into her just,, taking all her frustrations out on Eddie. He took Her Bedroom. He's getting all the attention. Her little brother was ruining everything.

Eddie was devastated by this. He went as far as to attempt to convince his parents to let them switch rooms again. He couldn't physically walk up the stairs most days but he just wanted his big sister to not hate him anymore.

Their relationship never fully recovered. As an adult Eddie will still find ways to blame himself and feel guilty. But he just can't bring himself to talk to her.

They used to be so close. She let Eddie experiment with her makeup, they talked about fashion and boys and she helped him so so much when he was questioning his sexuality.

and then it just, fell apart. But not quietly like a loose thread but rather a house that wasn't built quite right and the screws came loose one by one.

Eddie's memory gets really fuzzy when thinking that far back. but some of those memories are burned into his mind and he wishes he could forget them like he does everything else.

[shoechoe]

I never get it when Death Grips fans go on and on about how "everyone finds Death Grips unlistenable the first time they listen to it but then it grows on you" because I do not have that experience in the slightest. I listened to Takyon and got into it pretty much instantly. Funny because usually I have to listen to songs more than once for me to start liking them but the supposed "grows on you" music was an instant click

[oflgtfol]

IT WAS HEKET. heket was my issue. actually i think it wasnt even heket necessarily i think it was her minibosses that bitch ass gusion took me forever

[hyperfixation-tangentopia]

*grabby hands* Favorite oc rant?

Okay, I'm mildly embarrassed to admit I've had this sitting in my inbox for like 4 days, and I spent most of my time working on one of the OCs while trying to decide which one I wanted to talk about.

...the OC I was working on did not end up being the one I'm talking about lol.

We're talking about mystic monkeys today because that's what I've been invited to do! Whoo!

So, because I could not find basically ANY reference of personality or ANYTHING for the other two celestial primates, I'm basically working ground-up off my weird interpretations of the vague little synopsis I've found of each.

So...Tongbi is a bookworm. Period. He's a little weirdo. Nobody knows what his deal is because he vetoes any sort of social session to bury himself in whatever book or page Chikao stole got for him that day/week or, if it's at nighttime, sit and stare at the stars. And I mean stare. I mean nobody knows wtf to do with him because monkeys usually move around a lot and he will stare, just flipping his tail between his hands, at the stars for hours. He hoards anything space-related, particularly books and models, and will re-read the same books seven times over in a row for no reason other than he just likes it.

Sometimes he'll get so invested he won't come out all day, in which case Chikao will go inside and force him to see sunlight, eat, and let her groom him, usually in exchange for the promise to listen to him ramble about whatever he's reading about that day. She only really retains 30%, but she still knows more about space than she ever cared to because it's the only way to get Tongbi to let her groom him sometimes (because he won't groom himself). He does get dragged along on Chikao's shenanigans and usually just kinda quietly vibes while Chikao does her thing, but does help her out sometimes if she asks for it. He thinks it's kinda fun to watch her create chaos.

There have been times where the two have stayed up way too late rambling back and forth to each other, and Tongbi will sit there and point out stars. Occasionally they attract other people during this and they'll stay up all night watching stars even though Chikao doesn't understand any of it, or sometimes Chikao will get distracted halfway through their rambles and the two will "haunt" a location for the fun of it.

The other monkeys have basically just agreed Tongbi is a weirdo and Tongbi either doesn't realize or doesn't care, so Chikao just adopted him, essentially.

Anyway that's my ramble. Most of the Tongbi-Chikao relationship was on Tongbi's side of the relationship because I was rambling about him, there's more it's just more Chikao-centric and I was enjoying rambling about Tongbi. I love him. Ty.

[summae]

I need to tell you that your pazdin is one of my favorite fics of all time ! do you think you'd be writing more?

thank u so much (also sorry to you as well for the delay in answering) I am very fond of that story but I have an actual visceral dislike for how they handled things in the mandalorian and while I will always treasure it because one of my best friends and I watched it together I am so averse to it that I don't think I am going to write anything for it anymore sorry 💔 I did have another dinpaz thought which was more an excuse to have fun than anything else but p much everything I write is an excuse to put characters in situations and explore them so I got tired of it quickly. if by any chance I get around and actually write it then sure I'd be uploading it but I just don't have it in me anymore 😭 sorry THANK U SO MUCH THOUGH! this was v sweet anon🌟