#sorry for the amount of big tags

[cloudbrooksblog]

TRIGGER WARNINGS/content warnings: mentions of various commonly triggering things, descriptions of car-related triggers, many stupid "get over it" phrases that might be triggering if you're a victim of something, and also mentions of suicide, just read with caution ok?

yknow, I've been thinking about PTSD lately. Specifically people's reactions to me involuntarily displaying symptoms of it (dissociating, having flashbacks that make me cry, avoiding triggers, etc).

Most of this is from people who are related to my main abusers (my parents) but they don't react this way for no reason. They were raised in a culture that thinks this way.

The reactions are all similar: when I have an involuntary or instinctual response to triggers (like the ones I mentioned above), they say that I shouldn't let these things hurt me. Want a couple more specific examples, actually?

I avoid movies with car crashes and dissociate+sometimes have flashbacks when I hear tires or brakes screeching on the street. I start to shake if someone honks their horn near me, even in a parking lot. When I do this, INVOLUNTARILY (i cannot stress it enough), my brother will say that I let it bother me too much. Other assorted reactions I've gotten to this specific circumstance have been "you need to get over this one day", "you can't just avoid cars your whole life", and paraphrased, "you need to move on", "if this bothers you you'll never survive in real life", and "you're so dramatic".

That's just with car-related triggers for my PTSD. Don't get me started with sex jokes, cigarettes, talking about wanting to hurt children, etc. And DONT get me started about people's reactions to me wanting to cut off my family.

If I talk about any of that (when it naturally comes up, usually after questions about why I don't talk to certain people from members I'm about to cut off as soon as I don't have to depend on them,) the general reactions are that I'm like a ghost. Holding onto grudges that are just hurting me, that by holding onto them I'm hurting myself pointlessly, and that if i just *tried a little harder* I could live a much more peaceful and happy life. This is in reaction, let me remind you, to things like... me being uncomfortable around cigarettes. Me flinching when I hear sex jokes. Me leaving the room when people start talking about wanting to beat up kids and strangle them. I'm holding a grudge! I'll be encountering these things for the rest of my life!

That last one I get a lot, too. I'll be encountering these things for the rest of my life.

Let me tell you a secret. That's why I tried killing myself. That's why I've been to crisis facilities 6 different times. That's why I've made plans to move off-grid, to move to somewhere isolated, etc. But since I'm still right fucking here, obviously I'm not going to do any of that. So why point it out? Why point that out, as though it's not something you just WITNESSED my way of coping with?

Yes, I'll be encountering PTSD triggers the rest of my life. And every time I do, I will avoid them. That's why I don't buy into the whole "just try a little harder" angle. I'm not going to waste my time and my life trying to do that. This isn't a fear. This isn't a phobia. I don't sprint the opposite direction whenever a car honks and I'm walking on the sidewalk. I still have friends who smoke various things my abusers did. My PTSD still gets triggered by it, and I still get uncomfortable when they smoke. But you know what? They're my friends. They understand that and don't get annoyed at me for being uncomfortable. My friends who make sex jokes do it even though it makes me flinch because I've made it very clear: I'm going to react to them. It's not an insult. There's no need to feel bad. It's just nature.

When you tell me to get over it, it's NOT because you care. Convince yourself that it is, but listen closely: You're making it WORSE. And people with PTSD tell you that. And you ignore them, because you don't really care. Our PTSD just makes you uncomfortable and annoyed. It's inconvenient to think about and be around.

I'm not going to brute-force my way out of having triggers. It's just not happening. I'm going to have these involuntary responses. If you're my friend, you'll deal with it and understand the truth:

It's just nature :) deal with it. It's worse for me than it is for you, you selfish person.

[snarkspawn]

happy (belated) valentine's day @pharawee ❤ but also @ these two idiots

[nerosdayinanime]

spiderboyspiderboy

copy-paste quick explanation bc im lazy

au where sabito was turned & something something broken memories he needed to look for someone (giyuu. he was in danger. he has to find him. has to help. protect.) & (years later) ended up meeting rui instead, stopped rui from killing demon slayers to just hide (so theyd fuck off searching for demons elsewhere instead of sending more and more at them), rui invited sabito to his family as usual but instead of drinking his blood & shifting sab finger painted the dots on and smiled at him. somthn abt off the bat he didnt bow to rui's power + he actually choses to stay by his side instead of being forced to like the others

also hes shifted to look older instead of being stuck at 13/14 and thats why he didnt want to shift like the rest of rui's family, he cant shift to look like that and look older at the same time

at some point when theyre actually close rui finds him crying in front of a full length mirror in his real form, lamenting abt how he never got to be a man in life, "i wish we could actually grow up together" (later on almost-normal mt natagumo arc happens but they get sent to tamayo instead)

[payaso-gomi]

~☀️URL Songs☀️~

The game's to use songs to spell out your URL! Then you tag as many people as there are letters in your name

I felt like I did this too quick, and tbh I would have used songs from my clown playlist if I could but none of them matched :( Except for one! >:)

Thank you so much to @hexusproductions for the tag! This was fun to do!

P - Pikebubbles by The Cardigans

A - Aquatic Mouth Dance by Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Y - Yo Te Dire by Miranda!

A - Absolute Territory by Ash Kencorp

S - She's a Big Boy by Mcbaise

O - ODDTAXI by Punpee and Skirt

⭐️

G - Gordon's Garden Party by the Cardigans

O - Oh! by Shishamo

M - Me Estoy Enamorando by Inspector

I - In the Afternoon by The Cardigans

Tagged:

No pressure at all! Just if you wanna do smthing in your free time

Hell if you see this, aren't tagged, and want a shot at it, tag me I'd love to see it

@libertys-lovers @ssslep @sillysiha @white-meadow @murder-at-the-bingo-hall @underlapped

[imavikingo]

Everytime I look at Tumblr and see the tl I remember why I hate endgame with a passion you couldn't understand.

They fucked up Steve and Bucky so bad (yes, Bucky too bc suddenly he doesn't matter/isn't even a secondary character that deserves to be near Steve)

It's so funny to me (not) bc they talked about gay characters being in the movie at panels and interviews and even talked about Stucky at some point (basically queerbaiting) for then... Steve not even acknowledging Bucky. An awkward and impersonal hug doesn't cut it.

And Steve suddenly yearning and talking about Peggy? When he didn't even mourned her that bad and already had let her go ages ago? They knew they fucked up in CATWS with Steve and Buckys relationship, so they tried to distance them and then inserted Peggy bc ofc

(they possibly didn't have the time for a new character and they already had fucked up pairing Nat and Bruce and Wanda and Vision). Steve didn't have anyone else he cared about so they couldn't give him a new girlfriend. So they used Peggy AGAIN.

I'm not mad bc "Stucky not canon grr"

No.

I'm fucking pissed off because they did the worst character assassination and friendship assassination possible. Every movie of Cap America revolved around Steve saving Bucky at some point and him caring about him above all else, and you want me to believe that Steven Grant Rogers didn't care about him when Bucky died in front of his eyes? AGAIN? That Peggy's death was more important and impactful for him? If that was the case then why the fuck did he crash the plane then? If he cared so much about Peggy since forever?

No, that was just lazy writing and a way to reinforce Steve's sexuality "He can't be gay and you can't say that bc he LOVES PEGGY"(even tho he only kissed her once, even tho he crashed the plane and didn’t give her the coordinates, he didn't really care that much after all) they could have paired him with Nat in later movies, but they didn't.

That's why I only raise my eyebrows a lil when people say that x character will be gay canonically in a marvel movie/series. Is more than possible they won't. And if they are they're Deadpool, a secondary character no one cares about (obscure in lore too, so they can cut them off) or is plain queerbaiting again (because yes, even if you don’t see Steve and Bucky’s relationship as romantic, they DID QUEERBAIT IT)

Steve and Buckys relationship wasn't even written in a romantic way (you can ship them or not), but they tried so hard to rectify Steve's heterosexuality in endgame, that they fucked up their character arcs on purpose. And now they will always feel hollow and inconclusive. A bad taste in the mouth, a painful reminder of what it was and a what? 11 year long? characterization.

Idk man, I know I've talked about this more than three times, but omfg Tumblr reminds me why I hate that fucking movie!!! It's not my fault!!!

I know I'm going to end up writing something out of spite bc I can't take it shdkdjjcif

"It's been more than 4 years get over it" NEVER

Also the bit with Johnny Storm in Deadpool and Wolverine was also a dig (a fuck you if you will) to the fans bc Deadpool explicitly calls him Cap. And it implies that Steve as a character (not that old Steve nonsense) won't be back.

It's funny they've remade over and over again some movies (Fantastic 4, Spiderman) changed actors for characters (James/war machine, Bruce) and they include them in the multiverse/plot, but they won't do the same to some movies and some characters when they fuck up their stories, because they know if they do, they will have to acknowledge WHY they did it. Like with James/war machine changing actors.

So yeah, that's one of the reasons I don't care about Marvel anymore.

**I mean remake the movies ((Also they Can't remake Cap America bc that would mean they need to remake every important movie. And they don't have the time, the money nor the need. So that's why they decided to fuck their character arcs))

or include some characters in multiverse (they're going to do that with Tony/RDJ/Dr Doom after all, no?) and they also won't remake Cap bc the movies are amazing.

But the point stands. Steve couldn't be in DaW bc that would imply he's an alternative one or that Old!Steve was an alternative one or wasn't even Steve to begin with. But they couldn't do that ofc, no, bc that would give the fans hope in seeing Steve and Bucky together once again. So they did a dig at the fans bc "haha you thought it was Steve, but it's Johnny!"

Idk if I'm making sense at this point I'm tired af, need to sleep.

The thing is that they fucked up Steve Rogers's arc on purpose (Bucky's too, and others charas too tbh) and now they expect the fans to accept everything they give us with open arms. And imho I won't accept shit.

"Deadpool saved the MCU" how? If the other og characters are DEAD or they fucked them up too? Or are the butt of the joke now? Don't make me laugh. Most people don't gaf bout the new charas bc they only are presented in series not everyone watches (only available in one place) or are presented with characters that are dead now or as a replacement for the og characters. They aren't interesting on their own (not really, at least in mcu) and that's why most of the new stuff isn't liked as much. If they wanted to present more characters the opportunity passed already.

Also now if you want to watch and really understand 1 movie (if you don't read the comics too) you need to watch like 20 other movies and 5 shows. it's fucking exhausting.

[leomiku]

does anyone know where i could buy this little critter for cheap? not necessarily cheap, but the cheapest posible! even a bootleg or something of that kind is fine! as long as its from a safe, reliable site, anything works! sorry 4 asking for too much, i just reallyy want her :<

[istoleludwigsbaumkuchen]

I have gotta figure out a way to smash my interests together but that's kinda difficult when it's fucking saw and the stupid 80s band that's cursed me for more than a year (read: devo.)

Uhhhh, I kinda think Lawrence might've (very casually) liked some of nutra, but like, that's all I got

[limevirtual]

last metal gear drawing for a while i SWEAR

[todayisafridaynight]

dude I was just looking through the 'daigo dojima' tag and literally everything is you. every last photo is you. I mean thank u for providing but holy FUCK man. you need to be studied by scientists

i just got prescribed bupropion if you wanna start there

[ofcowardiceandkings]

one day i'll get the brainspace and balls to draw one of my other favourite Things i see happen in the Zelink space and it will deeply wound me but so good

[pussypounder2000]

Hello ! I was just looking on a few plural servers on discord… especially the fictives….. and the surprisingly small amount of other pressure fictives from what I can tell? At least from the two (relatively) okay servers were in.

Bad idea, I know, something is just bound to make your blood boil over in those hellish lands.

anyways I really don’t mean any harmful criticism for this (just kidding, I do) but in my personal opinion I just.

on one of the servers, in one of the channels for fictives source venting, there was a Sebastian fictive talking about how they would often poke themself with some sewing needle or similar to somewhat replicate the “feeling” of being experimented on as to be closer to their source and all that, then asking what they could do to try and stop due to bad memories and that jazz

Personally(as another seb fictive), replicating that not my jam, but the amount of people who were just going after this poor guy instead of helping them at all was actually frustrating to even watch, and solely because they weren’t “acting like they did in their source” by deliberately repeating that

Now, this is your reminder that fictives don’t need to act like their source, because they aren’t really the same. They don’t need to act like their source to be valid, and if you think that if a fictive isn’t a perfect carbon copy of their source then they aren’t good enough, what the fuck is wrong with you.

Fictives don’t owe you anything, no matter what. Not even if you share a source. Not even if they’re a fictive of your favourite character, and especially not if they’re a fictive of your “fictional crush.”

They don’t need to act a certain way or say certain things, everybody reacts differently to issues, whether internal or external, and asking for help with something like that can be genuinely difficult

The fact that they are a fictive should have no affect on your view of them no matter what. Fictives cannot choose their sources, and they are still people with feelings.

It should not ever be the tipping factor between helping someone who’s struggling, or making fun for not “acting like their source.”

The fact that people do that in the first place is the very reason our system doesn’t usually interact with the community(ies).

this feels like such a niche but I’ve heard from other systems that they’ve seen or experienced similar things

It’s disappointing, really.

[backseatloversz]

Trying to watch panic at the disco behind the scenes but so fucking much of it is zack hall and aside from the fact he is legitimately terrible on his own and also just comes across as really annoying he reminds me of the dad of this one childhood friend of mine who i inexplicably hated and was terrified of for like my entire childhood and i dont know why but i am still uncomfortable around him. so. Thats really awesome& cool

[poor-ciceros-voring-again]

Regarding the tags of my last post

I always see people say things like "teehee new hyperfix dropped x3" and stuff like that, which is great! But I never really see people talk about the negative effects having a hyperfixation can cause. I'm sure people DO talk about it, ofc, I just haven't seen it myself.

For me personally, I absolutely hate hyperfixating on things. It's so fucking hard to deal with sometimes.

It's so difficult to maintain any type of conversation without relating it to my current hyperfixation. Some days are easier than others, but the past few days have been INCREDIBLY hard for me. Whenever it starts getting hard to maintain conversations, I start to isolate myself away from others and either talk at a minimum or not at all because I'm afraid of coming across as annoying(this is harder for me to deal with because of what an ex put me through). I accidentally overtake conversations by relating them to my hyperfixation and I don't want to do that at all.

I get so excited and happy when talking about it, but I draw myself back because I don't want to be overbearing. I also draw myself back when people aren't matching my excitement because I feel like I'm just bothering them with things they don't really care about.

Sometimes my hyperfixations get so bad that I start to neglect myself and the space around me just so I can focus on it.

I always buy... Way too much stuff. Related to my hyperfixations. I will spend absolutely ridiculous amounts of money on things.

It's hard to do anything that isn't related to my hyperfixation, like work, sleep, self care, important tasks I know I HAVE to do.

I genuinely was crying earlier because I felt THAT annoying for talking about it. I want to hang out and talk to my friends I've had for years SO badly, but I don't want to take away from what they're doing by bringing up my hyperfixation and making the topic about that, so I just don't talk to them.

I'll go back and delete messages I've sent just because if it goes unanswered long enough I'll start to feel like I'm holding other people up from talking about their interests

Maybe none of this makes sense and it's just a me problem. I don't know.

[peskypixel]

i can never win (favourite character is the most hated in the entire fandom)

[singer-smiles-101]

Aight y’all so here’s the deal. Saw a lot of people in the fandom were drawing the lovely @tulipsempai’s Iris, went, “ooh that looks fun I wanna try,” and got so into designing the outfit that I had to develop a whole concept behind it. The concept? Underwater themed masquerade. (because imposter = disguises = masquerade)

[akuma-homura]

seeing people be like 'omg i can't believe people are shipping kaito with himself omg they're repeating onceler/sans.........' bc people are shipping the Project Sekai KAITO's and i'm just

hand on ur shoulder

tell me you're new to vocaloid stuff without telling me, kaito x kaito has been around for longer than undertale has been out, and possibly longer than the modern Lorax has been out too

KAITO 1.1 and 1.0, the colorful KAITO Fanmades... the Project Diva modules, KAITO V1 and V3... and now, the Project Sekai KAITO's...

It's not repeating, it's convergent evolution. KAITO has been Onceler / Sans before Onceler / Sans was a thing.