#sorry for my poor grammar

[martyryo]

for me it all started last year in september, it was the beginning of the school year and I signed up for a mindfullness "course" (it wasn't really a course, our professor defined it as "moment" but it's hard to explain).

Basically one of the rules we had is that whatever personal stuff or feeling we shared during those moments had to remain between us, so, to respect the people around us, it was morally forbidden to go around and talk about other's business. To explain this thing, our professor asked us if we know the movie Fight Club (cause it was a reference to the first rule yk), but us teenage girlies who most came there cause they wanted to self improve or some shit weren't in that type of media yet.

I remember then having a constant impulse to watch that movie, like I would wake up in the morning with my brain saying "hey let's watch fight club tonight", but I had with it that kind of situation when you don't feel ready consuming a certain type of media and not knowing why. I kinda felt it wasn't the right time, but at the same moment I was hella eager to watch it for some reason, maybe cause I wanted to understand the reference.

I did in fact watch it at some point (yeah lmao who would have guessed right) and at the first watch it didn't spark much into me. I mean, I enjoyed it a lot, mostly because I am person who's able to pretty much like anything (I am the reason why a few guys in my class watched the Human Centipede, hate that movie but I can't help but love it), but with days passing I kinda forgot about it.

At some point in december I also read the book cause during reading lessons my italian professor brought it for those who didn't bring their own book from home, and usually I like reading the books after watching the movie adaptation.

Once again, really good read but not hard feeling.

Everything changed this summer tho. One night I rewatched Fight Club for the second time, during a period when I would isolate myself and won't respond to anyone texting me. Maybe it because I was mentally vulnerable back then, but the second time felt different, it struck something in me. I was able to analyze the scenes and the meaning of everything better, getting a bigger picture of everything, and some of that stuff in there (being seen only as a consumer by the corporate world and even the idea of releasing frustration through physical violence) it kinda resonated with whatever the fuck was going on in my brain that month. So that was beginning of a brainrot.

All summer I've been obsessed with that movie, I've been rewatching scenes, think about it all day, and what didn't help was character.ai that kinda became a drug to me and I would like to not further elaborate cause yeah.

Also during that time my first tulpa was developing, and once the fight club obsession stopped for me it bloomed slightly into him and two months later into the second, that's why now live with two other subconsciouses that based themselves on Tyler and the narrator.

(For who's not familiar with tulpae: they're one or more individuals that a person, the host of the body, creates into their mind and that with time fully develop as independent people inside of the body. I am not good at explaining this, so I would advise to get some research online of the topic for who's interested, just keep in mind that having a tulpa based on one character doesn't mean at all that they ARE said character, they just resemble them in appearance and/or certain aspects of their personality).

During the end of summer I started getting back into pokemon, that being also the time I began this blog here on tumblr, so I mainly calmed down with fight club. But then the rot came back the moment I figured out how to draw the characters so now I guess I identify as a fight club fanartist (I am scared of myself).

hello denizens of fight club tag. i am very curious. why are you here

like. what caused you to watch/read fight club. when. and what sparked you getting involved in some sense of fandom for it?

because it seems like there was an explosion (comparatively) in the past 1-2 years and i'm curious if we can figure out why

for example, for myself, i was bored on my new shiny longass commute and wanted to try reading actual books again so my friend offered me books i might like and i chose fight club because i heard it was bathhouse esque and i wanted to see how much (was not disappointed). then i wrote a fic meshing it with my figure skater coach guy, found it was fun to write about, read through most of the fight club tag on ao3 because i'm a very prolific reader, and became so full of thoughts that i had to create this blog as a desperate pressure relief valve. this occured in early october this year. i work fast.

so. hbu. make sure to include When

[ambivartence]

local man's idol-husband concept contradicts itself, forced to become your mom instead

[finligz]

Alright, time for my opinion on Solarballs ships

I’d like to start by saying that no matter what fandom I join I tend to only support the official or canon ships. The reasons for that are:

1. I’m not a fan of romantic stuff as a whole, even makes me terribly uncomfortable sometimes

2. I just can’t imagine relationships in my head, so I need something to guide me like a text or better some type of imagery which is usually non-existent or poorly executed when unofficial. So the canon ships are easier for me to understand by default

3. I’m too into friendship or family dynamics, when I see characters who aren’t a couple I already imagine them in those types of settings, so the ships with them don’t make sense to me anymore

But even with all that I can say that I’m not really against most of the ships. Some of them even seem cute and a few of them I even ship myself, tho it’s rare

So today in this post I wanna state my unwanted opinion about the most popular ships in the Solarballs fandom.

Let’s start with the +- canon ones

1. Astrodude x his wife

Literally one the cutest married couples on media that I’ve ever seen. They just support each other all the time no matter what, and you can see how they care about each other. And even when so far away they still keep in touch and love each other

2. Ganymede x Europa

No matter how badly they behave in the story and how awful some of their decisions were, they still seem like they’re made for each other. They seem more like a “long-term relationship” couple to me and I like it a lot, the way they’re not as lovey-dovey and actually accept each other the way they are is very refreshing tbh. I like how Europa doesn’t try to make Ganymede change his beliefs just for the sake of her own and vice-versa, just reminding him sometimes that they’re together ahahah

3. Pluto x Charon

Alright, this one is my favourite in the whole show. They are VERY cute and I like how Charon tries to cheer up Pluto and support him when he feels awful. And even when they don’t understand each other, they stay nice and open minded usually (except when Pluto is ranting about himself and planets). They’re like a couple that grew together and it’s awesome

4. Titan x Titania

I don’t know how I feel about this. They just seem quite too different. And too awkward. Titania probably liked how confident Titan seemed and now has a crush on him in the show, but Titan just doesn’t strike me as a person ready to be in a relationship. He’s too invested in the whole system’s politics rn. I can picture him awkwardly frendzoning anyone who’s gonna confess to him. Maybe in the future this might work in a way like: “we accomplished everything we fought for and now can be together”. Also I think Titan would be too demanding for Titania to feel comfortable, she needs someone more gentle

Now moving on to most popular unofficial ships

Here besides my opinion on the ship I’ll also tell how I personally see interactions between these characters

5. Jupiter x Saturn

This actually seems very nice and cute in a way. Like a married couple maybe? At least when they bicker in the show they kinda give off that vibe. They could work as a couple. Saturn is very sensitive and protective and Jupiter needs support and seems like a patient guy, so they match well!

Personally I picture them more like old friends that rarely gather together anymore but are still close and supportive

6. Callisto x Triton

Maybe that could work? Both of them seem like adults with strong opinions on life and stuff. They might have something in common, but they are too different in my opinion still. Triton strives for freedom and lack of responsibility, while Callisto wants someone to lead her so she won’t have to be responsible. And even if some might say that Callisto changed in the show, I really don’t think so. Also I don’t think they’ll do great with long-distance relationships. For both of them it will be too much unnecessary work to maintain such relationships

I think that Triton sees Callisto as his first friend and that’s why he cares so much. It just doesn’t seem like he knows what to do and how to act. Callisto could also think of Triton as a friend, although maybe just a good acquaintance for now

7. Mars x Earth

It could work? I mean they are best friends and Mars clearly cares about Earth a lot, so he tries to not be too judgemental or put too much pressure on him. Earth also cares about Mars. I’ll just remind you how he made the whole tournament just so Mars will get back to him. So yeah, this seems like a bromance ship in a way, which means it works fine. Friends to lovers shift could happen in this case, although I don’t think they’ll be all lovey-dovey like many people portray them

I see them as best friends just as in the show

8. Earth x Venus

This doesn’t work imo. Venus is too aggressive and communicates poorly. By that I mean that Venus in the show doesn’t seem like a person with a lot of social skills or even experience. The fact that he didn’t know how to play asteroid dodgeball until the tournament tells us about how he didn’t communicate with Earth and Mars a lot. He doesn’t seem like the guy to understand romantic love. Earth on the other hand doesn’t care about Venus much and is too dominant. Even if he confessed to Venus and Venus agrees (not exactly knowing if he actually liked Earth), they would get irritated with each other as they’re both too stubborn and closed off.

I see them as acquaintances at the moment with a lot of actual friendship potential

9. Uranus x Earth

Just no. Even if you’re going to reason that by telling how it’s “canon in mythology”, it doesn’t have anything to do with the actual show. Even if they seem cute enough together, like a shy x confident dynamic and even knowing how similar their current problems are (too afraid to say something wrong/be themselves), it’s just too out of their comfort zones. Uranus is an introvert, maybe even with a sprinkle of sociophobia and he’ll feel very awkward in any relationship. He’ll say some stuff he doesn’t mean and will feel terrible about himself afterwards. Earth in those situations would probably want to push it and sometimes could embarrass Uranus even more. Also I’ll remind you that Earth and Uranus barely know each other. Long distance relationships also would be hard as Earth can’t leave the Goldilocks zone and Uranus probably wouldn’t want to go through 3 other planets’ orbits just to visit Earth.

I don’t see them interacting much.

10. Luna x Titan

This could work. Seems like a pretty serious ship with them both being very thoughtful and pragmatic. Maybe sometimes flirty, but not much. They share some of their opinions. Luna is also very, VERY patient and supportive and Titan needs that as he tries to reach his goals. However, I think right now they have other stuff to worry about. But in the future? I think it will work nicely.

I personally see them as friends

11. Mercury x Sun

Too toxic. It has the vibes of Boss x helpless employee which I’m very uncomfortable with. I don’t think that Sun could seriously love one of his planets romantically and Mercury wouldn’t want to date someone who literally hurts him all the time and demands constant attention. Just no. I don’t understand nor do I want to understand this one.

I see them only as friends. Maybe a bit one-sided with Mercury questioning this friendship

Alright, I think I covered the majority of the popular ships.

Again I’d like you to know that I don’t hold anything against you if you ship anything listed above, cause it wholly depends on people’s tastes.

If you want me to answer any of your questions there’s a button for them in my profile. See ya!

[starrycassi]

Hate, love, guilt, mothers. Aren't they all synonyms?

You can find part one of this au here, and two here. Also a quick explanation on who's Gloria here. Mild nsfw mention at the end. Like, super mild.

The grounds of the Goldenloin mansion are always breathtaking, it doesn't matter how many times Ballister's been here as a guest, as an intruder, as a knight, as a lover. The gardens are fantastic, and the structure makes him feel so, so tiny.

Standing here, looking at the dining table made for dozens and dozens of people, Ballister can't help but feel out of place. The maid that guided them here is mimicking their pose, right next to them, and Ballister signals to Ambrosius, tugging on his sleeve. There's no need for her to be here, too. She should be free to leave.

Ambrosius gets the memo and dismisses the poor girl, who leaves quietly and quickly. Ballister's skin itches.

In front of them rests a wonderful feast, colorful and appealing, even if some plates are covered with golden silverware, to protect the food from loosing it's flavor, or whatever. He can't help but wonder how many street kids are hungry right now — can't help but remember what it's like, to be alone and lost and begging for a crumb of bread, a sip of water, a simple plate of food and be denied and-

The echo of someone's steps brings him back to the present, and he stares at the woman as she walks in. Captain Gloria limps as she arrives, her golden hair down in a braid that reaches her lower back. She gleams at them, despite the clear pain that every step delivers to her system. Her eyes aren't quite focused.

Ambrosius suddenly goes still, fixing his posture.

The two of them just accept the silence, live in it, for the next couple of seconds. Gloria finally gets to the table and sits down slowly, hissing when she finally does so, reeking of alcohol and a splendid perfume. She's at the head of the chairs, and Ambrosius rounds up the table to sit right next to her. Ballister tries to follow him.

“Don't” orders the woman, her hand suddenly reaching out to grip Ballister's wrist. She tugs on him, making take a seat, too, at her left. Ambrosius stares at him with a questioning look, and he stares back with an even more questioning look. It's his mom that's acting weird, he should know what's going on.

They don't have to figure it out, though, because she explains it soon enough.

“You are not here as Ambrosius's guest, today. You're a suitor. Act accordingly or get out”

Her voice, cold and demanding, takes both of the boys by surprise. Gloria's and Ballister's relationship has never been a specially warm one, but all in all, he's always seen her as a stressed out woman who doesn't really care about anything but her work and her son. Everytime they've been together she's drunk, hurt, on duty, or in a weird combination of those options. She's never been openly hostile or mean to him, so he's left in unexplored grounds when her blue eyes are suddenly fixed on his face, pinning him to his seat and making his head spin with with dread and doubts.

“Mom, there's no need to-”

Ambrosius tries, he really tries, to reason with her. Gloria, who's whole body moves weirdly and limply, suddenly hits the table with her fist closed, and Ambrosius straightens up in his seat, body reacting before his mind does so, instincts ingrained on him urging him to obey and comply to orders, even the unspoken ones.

Ballister knows the look on Gloria's eyes — he's seen it before, only, not on her face — she's not only intoxicated, not merely wounded. She's full of regret, of fury, of pure and unfiltered anger. As soon as that knowledge hits him, he's filled with a strange sense of security, of comfort. She's mad and she's irrational, but he knows the reason of those feelings. She's merely a mother defending her child, a knight defending her loved ones.

Ballister is trying to do the same, and it's refreshing to see his own feelings of confusion and hatred mirrored into Gloria's face. He knows what her anger means, because his blood burns with the same heat, the same intensity.

“I'm sorry, Captain Gloria” he says, slowly and clearly. The nerves he felt all the way here disappear, leaving only his determination, his devotion. Gloria isn't against him. She's against anything that might hurt jer son, and that's a feeling Ballister not only understands, but shares, “It was awfully inadequate of me to act that way. I beg your forgiveness”

She smiles, woobly and unsteadily, at him. She's pleased with his words, clearly. He tries to remember the hours and hours of ranting that Ambrosius blessed his ears with every so often, complaining about stupid protocol lessons that his mother made him take.

“Very well” she nods at him, and he imitates the gesture. He quickly nods at Ambrosius, too, to try and reassure him. This will be okay. It has to.

Ambrosius's shoulders relax just the slightest bit at that, but he smiles, and talks again,

“I'm incredibly hungry, Mum. Why don't we eat before we discuss this, yeah?”

It's always surprising to Ballister, really, how adaptable Ambrosius is. One minute, he's a big dramatic performer for the Queen. The next, he's merely a child with a pleading voice, asking— no, begging, for some peaceful seconds with his mom.

“Yes, the food. Let's eat and talk business, shall we? That's not really an appropriate thing to do, I suppose, but I can make an exception, seeing as how you've had the guts to ask for my son's hand in marriage, cadet”

She claps, and servants lift the coverings. Some of their faces are recognizable to Ballister. Did they live in the same orphanage? Were they friends, and his mind has forgotten?

This is whst he hates about the Goldenloin mansion. This is what he hates about every single noble event ever. He simply resings himself to his fate, a rejected freak to the nobles and a traitor to the commoners. He tries to keep his eyes on the table, tries not to to think about how some of the people working for Ambrosius, serving him, probably have never even tried the kind of feast he's about to have.

Ballister's never been a religious person, but he prays for forgiveness, even if it's merely for a second. He prays for forgiveness, even if it's undeserved.

The steak in front of him suddenly loses its appeal. The nerves are back, just like that. He hates himself for that, for being so brave a second and then a complete coward in the other.

They simply eat, for some moments. Gloria sips her glass of red wine every so often, and both of the boys chew methodically on their steaks. Food is fuel, Ballister tries to remind himself, tasting guilt and shame in every bite, feeling as if he's chewing his own heart; food is fuel, and he needs fuel for this conversation.

That doesn't make the bitterness of the whole situation go away.

“You said you have a plan” accuses Gloria, after washing down a bit of her salad with wine, “but I'm yet to hear anything about it”

Ballister's first instinct is to roll his eyes, tell her that it's her who's been acting all weird and cranky, but he knows better than to go against an older knight, even if she's drunk and injured. She's also his mother-in-law, and he refuses to feed into the stereotype of in laws not getting along.

“The food just distracted us, mom, that's all. It's really good”

Gloria's face softens a bit, and she offers her son a quick sound of agreement.

“Still. I need to know what you two rascals are up to, don't I?”

As if she didn't just violently smash the table, she laughs a bit at her joke, muttering something about teenagers under her breath.

They do their best to explain themselves without setting her off again, Ambrosius providing Ballister with facial expressions that let him know when to shut up and when to keep going. At the end of it, their food is almost gone, Ballister's guilt is almost forgotten, and Gloria looks almost convinced.

"And what do you win, cadet?"

She looks feral, like a lion ready to chew down on it's prey. Ballister refuses to lose against her, not today.

"I get to see my boyfriend be happy. What else could I possibly want?"

Some of the servants seem too moved by his answer to hide their coos, but he doesn't dare look their way, too scared to find out that perhaps that truly are the kids that grew up on his same street, with his same dreams. He keeps his eyes fixed on Gloria's, blue and brown crashing and figthing.

"Sounds like bullshit to me. No one would do all that just for someone else's happiness or whatever"

She shakes her head in disagreement, and Ballister wants to scream at her, tell her that she doesn't know shit about them, that he would walk barefoot into a burning building if it meant saving Ambrosius. He doesn't.

"I don't need anything else" he says, instead, "I only want to make sure that my boyfriend has a choice and-"

"Okay, say you win" interrupts Gloria, looking bemused with him. He hates the way she stares him down like a mere child, "and the interviewer; because this will be televised, that's a no brainer, asks what do you want. What are you going to tell the kingdom?"

He doesn't even hesitate, before answering:

"I would ask for just enough money to pay back my debth with the house of Elpis and the Goldenloin house. Then, for Ambrosius's political allies to be a matter only he can have the final say on. Not you, or me, or anyone else"

She looks at him some more, as if trying to be intimidating. He doesn't budge.

"That is an honest answer" she finally says, nodding, "That's more believable. That, I can accept. I think"

She makes a show of considering things, tapping her index finger to her chin. They keep quiet, waiting for her verdict.

“It's a decent attempt” she concedes, after some seconds of humming to herself. "It's even a good idea"

They both sigh, relieved. She clicks her tongue, and shakes her head, again, like some sort of wet dog, and they feel not so relieved, now.

“But you two are openly... close to one another, right? Everyone knows. Can't do anything if you win and people question us, can we? About your little, well, romance, and all that”

Gloria never really acknowledges the fact that her son is dating Ballister, even if he did come out and confess the secret to her half a year ago, cracking under the pressure of a specially though new years party. It gives Ambrosius some sort of dumb hope, that perhaps his mom might actually start taking his own free will into account and validating his love for Ballister. Even if she always says that that's something she already does.

“We're still trying to figure out what to do with that, Mum”

She laughs some more, making him feel stupid. Ballister looks as confused as he feels when she merely giggles at their faces, gulping down the rest of her drink. A servant refills it immediately.

“You kids are so slow, nowadays” she flaps her hand, rolling her eyes, “a mere fight will be enough. In a public space, obviously. Be nasty about it. My friends and I used to do it when we wanted to get a rise out of our parents. Neat trick”

And, with that piece of advice, she keeps on drinking.

.

Ambrosius excuses them both out of the table when they're done, leaving Captain Gloria to drunkenly mumble nonsense to herself.

The halls of the mansion are spacious and lonely, so they're able to walk together, holding hands, without a care in the world. Ambrosius has grown up here, was raised here. He knows and trusts the staff to keep a couple of secrets.

“She seems… a bit agitated” Ballister says, softly. Gloria has been a sore spot for their conversations ever since the start of their friendship, and they mostly try to avoid talking about her. But if feels wrong, to be in her house and pretend she doesn't exist.

“She's got a dislocated hip” Ambrosius answers, voice impregnated with pity, “Must hurt a lot. She was distracted with this whole thing and a thief managed to hit her real hard…”

He stares at the floor, but they keep on walking to Ambrosius's bedroom. After lunch, Gloria has practically demanded for them to stay until dinner, arguing that they have already lost most of the day, anyways. Neither one of them dared go against her word.

“I'm happy she's mad. At least I'm not the only one worried about your ass”

“I can assure you, Ballister, your thoughts about my ass are really, really different from her thoughts about it. At least I hope so”

Hip bumping his boyfriend for being an idiot, Ballister blushes a bit. Ambrosius does have a nice body.

“Don't be weird about this, Amber. We're literally talking about you mom”

“No, you are talking about her. I'm talking about people's thoughts on my ass. That's a whole different conversation”

“Not a specially interesting one, I'm sure. Much like your very flat ass”

Ambrosius gasps, offended, just as they reach the doors of his bedroom. He makes a show of dramatically slamming the door, just to open it back again mere seconds later, sticking out his tongue at Ballister before allowing him to come in.

“Keep this treatment up, and I'm actually marrying Todd” he threatens, and Ballister half heartedly pushes him.

“Okay, your ass is not flat. Just… sort of concave. Happy?”

“Not so much. But, alas, I'm not really dating a poet, am I? My heart has chosen you, even with your horrible mistreatments towards my figure”

They laugh at the stupidity of the situation, as if guilt isn't eating Ballister alive, as if Ambrosius isn't worried to death for his mom, as if the world isn't collapsing and burning around them.

They take of their shoes, and get into bed, cuddling with each other almost immediately, used to it after years and years of practice. Ballister rests his cheek on Ambrosius's chest, and they hold hands, tangling their legs. This is incredibly inappropriate to do on Ambrosius's house, with his mom meter away, but everything around them feels so wrong right now that this is the closest they can get to normal.

The events of the last few hours settle in. Panic comes back, alongside with every other emotion that they have been trying to run away from. It's scary, to admit that perhaps they could fail. They could be wrong. Ambrosius understands why his mom seems to be in denial all of the time; it's easier to pretend that something is not happening than to deal with the fact that it is.

The room is quiet. They're just teens.

“I'm nervous”

“Me, too. I'm terrified”

“Yeah. Me, too”

And it's just them, their fears and their breaths, for a second. There's nothing else but them. But reality is always there, waiting, and it comes with paperwork and legalities and many, many other things. It's them against the world, even if they would really, really like to just make peace with everyone and sleep until winter.

To avoid silence — because it comes with too many questions, too many memories, too many reminders — Ballister decides to keep on with their plan, furthering it, and asks, “So, now, we fake fight?”

“I think it's the best choice we have, right? Mom said so”

Ambrosius, always eager to follow Gloria's word, seems to perk up. Ballister feels slightly annoyed, but at least his boyfriend looks a little less like a kicked kitten.

“And what are we figthing about, uh?”

This is scary, too. Yeah, a fake figth. That's something they should be able to manage. But there's some issues, here and there, and perhaps they're just waiting for a chance to come out. This could be that chance. And there's no way they're going to actually live apart from each other, but they have to, right? So it's believable.

“What about something stupid? Like, I don't know, jazz?”

“Ambrosius, you know very well how I feel about-”

To stop his boyfriend from going on yet another campaign of hate against freestyle jazz, Ambrosius gives him a quick kiss on the hair, successfully making him shut up.

“Kay, not jazz. What, then?”

“Let's fight about this. I'll be jealous, you'll scream at me for being jealous, and we'll break up. Call me a selfish insecure asshole, or something”

Ambrosius immediately pants like a wounded animal, frowning. He makes Ballister get up slightly, to make sure he can see his eyes. They're full of love. Pure, solid, love.

“I don't ever want to hurt you, Bal”

Ballister chokes on air, because this isn't fair. Ambrosius is so pretty, resting on the mattress, looking up at him. No one else but him should ever get to see him like this. Specially not some imbecile who thinks figthing for him is enough to get married.

“It's just going to be a play-pretend situation, Amber. I don't wanna hurt you, either, but it's going to be just a couple of days. Then, we're back to normal”

Ambrosius ponders on it, pouting. But he finally nods, agreeing.

“Fine. We're hating each other from now on”

.

The next time Ballister wakes up, they're back at the Institute, half naked, fused together like a pretzel. Perhaps they got a bit too sentimental when they came back, and perhaps they stole a couple of sips from Gloria's wine reserve. A make out session had been the start of their so called hate, and Gloreth, did they suck at this.

“Ambrosius. Ambrosius, wake up. Ambrosius, fucking move”

With a bit more of force than needed, he shakes his boyfriend, trying to get him to open up his eyes. Ambrosius attempts to do so and also get up, miscalculating, and falling face first to the floor.

Shit.

Hurrying up to help him, Ballister trips, too. The wine is still in their systems, apparently, and it makes them laugh like idiots as soon as their gazes cross.

“Shit. We're supposed to be figthing, Amber”

“I'm pretty sure last night counts as a form of combat. Sword figths, one may call it”

“Shut the fuck up, honestly. Just, for once, shut up”

“Only if you kiss me, babe"

Okay, maybe they aren't suited for a divorce yet. Ballister got up, grunting, and Ambrosius followed suit, if only because the floor is way too cold to be laying on it with nothing but a boxer and shorts on. He smiled at the wall when he managed to stand up on his own two feet, still dizzy.

“What now, Bal?”

Ballister struggled to put his shirt back on, trying to remember where the fuck his shoes where. It was early, still. If he hurried up, he could sneak out without anyone seeing him.

“Dont ask me. This whole thing was your plan. Think, Ambrosius; for the first time in your life, think”

Ambrosius threw the nearest object at his ungrateful boyfriend, and rolled his eyes when the comb impacted against the desk. Turns out his aim gets affected by alcohol. Who could've thought?

“What was that for?!” Hisses Ballister, barely managing to get done with his clothes. Ambrosius's loopy smile only grew bigger at the sight, and he looked so much like his mom, for a second. Just a second.

“We're figthing, love. I think this is how figths are supposed to go, right?”

And he threw a hair cream bottle, that impacted on the wall.

Ballister opened up the door, just in time for the notebook Ambrosius threw to go flying through it. Some cadets were already out, curious about the noise. Ambrosius, drunk and ad impulsive as his mother, grinned with pleasure. Yes, a public fight, indeed.

“And get out!” he screamed, remembering the way his mother looked at him yesterday, feeling the tears burning on the very corners of his eyes, hating her stare and wishing she looked at him more often “I don't want to talk to you ever again, you hear me?!”

A pillow was thrown. Ballister fought down the urge to burst out laughing. This felt so much like a cheap soap opera.

“It's not my fault you're a coward!” He screamed back, wine helping him come up with the words, “Go and die for all I care, Golden Boy! Hang yourself from a fucking tower, I don't give a shit!”

More and more people came in to witness the situation. Had he been sober, Ballister probably would've stopped. He wasn't, though.

“You're so jealous!” Screeched Ambrosius, like he meant it, “You're just jealous of my suitors being way better than you, you prick!”

Ballister kneeled down, picked up the fallen pillow, and threw it right back at it's owner. Ambrosius barely contained his cackles.

“I'll enter the fucking tournament just so I can disown you, Ambrosius! You don't deserve all that money!”

They were losing the plot a bit, but it didn't really matter. A figth is a figth, no matter the reasons.

“Do whatever you want, Ballister! You're never winning, never !”

Next, a sweater came in, balled up, flying. This one actually hit Ballister on the eye, and he had to take a step back, surprised. Ouch.

“We'll see about that, you idiot!”

With a final heated stare, Ballister turned around, bitting down his tongue to dissimulate the giggles.

.

As soon as he got into his room and locked his door, Ballister opened up his cellphone, already missing his boyfriend's arms. He found a couple of drunken voicemails Ambrosius had already sent his way, and a couple of pictures that matched the vibe of their last night.

Smiling, he got into his own bed, hiding under the sheets. Perhaps intense figths weren't such a bad idea for their relationship, after all.

[real-reulbbr-band]

Munk gives up on making Rumpleteazer and Mungojerrie the main dogs in Pekes and Pollicles and picks the newest adults, Plato and Victoria, for the roles at the next ball, but a new problem occurs because of their relationship with each other. They’re too in love to hit each other or act snarly. Victoria tries for Munk's sake, but the moment she feels she hurt Plato's feelings, she breaks character immediately to hug him.

Plato, on the other hand, kept barking at Victoria’s cues, and whenever they’d bark at the same time and get all giggly, Munk offered a kind but impatient smile, otherwise a very reluctant eye roll as he tried to move the song along.

[ace-hell]

Can someone tell me why the sudden siren at 3am woke me up and my brain just immediately started singing "the line" by 21 pilots? 😭

[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

My Mom got legitimately angry at me for trying to learn Welsh because it “will never be useful/l, can’t learn without immersion and/or being a child, won’t help me get a job/learn for my career” so if you’re ever wondering why non-colonialist languages die not being able to commodify them is exactly why

[lucky-brown-cat]

I've been up all night, unable to sleep, thinking nonstop about my life and what has led me to where I am and what I can do to improve it. I feel like a clown, a thing to be mocked and deprived of personhood. Not a full person, much less an adult, which is a feeling that makes me sick. But! I am getting better, and I am going to hopefully be taking steps to get to a better place and allow myself some agency in my own life. It will take waiting until the end of the month, though, and that's honestly driving me insane. I lay in bed worrying constantly over whether it'll work or not. Will it lead to some self-realization, or will I be smacked back down to my proper station? Anyway, all this is to say that I am having a rough go of things currently, and I'm so very tired.

[locustandwildhoney]

Imagine John Seed being the Pied Piper of kids.

John's got all the pomp and circumstance to lead these kids anywhere. They hang on his every word. A tiny crowd forms and skips after him, the kind of suspense that John naturally creates has a grip over everyone. Especially children. After all, he's so friendly, he knows exactly what to say, and he says it with such a conviction and bravado that kids would think 'of course it must be true.' He has a lot of fun until they start to wisen up as they get older.

John however, is terrible with babies. He is a huge baby himself, why should the baby get all the attention?

He does try though, he really does. But how can he help this thing if it won't stop wailing and tell him whats wrong? John would never put the tyke in danger, he'd never yell at it, or cause it any harm, no matter how loudly or how long it's been screeching. But he can't say he hasn't put it back in its crib and walked away for 5 minutes to regain his sanity. Or handed it off to someone else at the first sign of trouble. They just make him nervous for some reason. They're so small and fragile and new. He's so full of nerves and unease that he swears babies can sense it and start crying the moment he enters the room.

The only time he relaxes is when it starts nodding off and he can hold them, he can engage with them safe in the knowledge that sleep means no spewing, wailing, or fussing and for the love of god don't tell him anything to the contrary. It's the only time he feels he can't do anything wrong to upset them.

There is a moment however, when fear turns to joy as the teeny one starts to walk. With all his brisk exits, the baby finally has the means to follow him. And follow they do. Squishy baby feet find their way to fall in line behind The Pied Piper himself.

[yaboidante2711]

Okay nah

Shit hit the fan

The fanfic I was reading for a light chuckle at how clunky it was just got past the amusingly bad straight into just... bad

Every good idea or the idea that at least was in the presence of a good idea is getting thrown out the window for no reason

Any point that could be a good hook to build some suspension is in and out in less than two sentences

There's literally no point in making the main couple have like 10 year age gap with the mc being 16 (yes, that fact was not brought up for about 18 chapters, but there were red flags I'll admit.)

I'm just frustrated.

[sanguisvenosus]

The relationship between Eliza and Hamilton was never perfect and we all know it. But- The fact that Hamilton didn't said anything about "his love for Eliza" (At least not in the moments when he gets to be a narrator and we can hear his thoughts) is a bit sad...? Of course he respects her and think of her as a "Best of wives and best of womem", but he never said that he loves her. The only thing he thinks about is war - at first, and building their nation - later. Hamilton probably never loved his wive, and he even cheated on her permanently. Eliza dedicated her whole life for him, but he? He was a fucking bastard (I still love him) and lied to her many many times. He married Eliza mostly because her parents were rich. So yeah, not the best marriage, and poor Eliza.

And there's Burr and Theodosia. Burr who waited for her and married her because he loved her, and their child later. Theodosia who risked her reputation (and probably life...?) only to- meet with her lover. Their love wasn't easy, but they got what they wanted and got married. The way Burr was sad and scared for his daughter's life after his wife died... It was heartbreaking. Their marriage was made from true love, not from a buisness or a one-sided love and that's beautiful.

I'll leave it here

(please remember that I'm talking about the musical, not history. They were different irl than in the show)

[therighthandofvengeance]

I think I said something wrong, but what I do not know.

You haven’t said anything wrong!

I haven’t responded because I had a tonic-clonic seizure, and my rescue medication knocked me out cold— I’m still recovering from aforementioned medication because of its strength.

I’m still a little bit disoriented, and my ability to think is a bit hazy, but otherwise intact. I know my name, the year, where I am, etc.— it’s more in decision-making and things of that nature where I struggle more in the days following a seizure.

I’m also incredibly sore from seizing for 4+ minutes, essentially getting a HIIT workout of which I have absolutely no memory.

None of this is on your end, obviously— I just had a medical event which takes a lot out of me. I’m sorry I couldn’t respond sooner!

[lilbombus]

so that one sketch I did like 2-3 years old about davepeta aradia and sollux staying in the game to explore and talk to ghosts (in the sketch it was Nepeta finally seeing her catmom in a dreambubble) and u know what… they’re interactions have to be amusing

regardless of ships, aradia and davepeta talking about dream bubbles, life as a sprite and being a time player while wanting to explore and help ghost find their way to their friends and sollux not feeling alone when aradia wants to travel by herself cuz davepeta stays with him and they talk about anything

All three of which having unique connections to death, ghost, rebirth and exploration.

Also davepeta having their own experiences and adventure in the game.

This is honestly my headcanon as to why they stayed in the game for so long (until davepeta becomes Jade’s roommate when they arrive on earth c lol)

[thegetdownrebooter]

You know, I was actually literally just thinking that the way a lot of Tom fans talk about Shiv reminds me of the people who were like "if you support Amber Heard you hate male victims of domestic violence 😤", like using that as a bad faith gotcha.

yes! exactly! lol that's honestly a very good comparison because a lot of depp supporters and tom stans move very similarly.

The average depp supporter can't even name 5 male domestic abuse survivors off the top of their head and yet they pretend to care about male victims, because they can't actually admit to only believing in depp because he was their teen crush once or because they want to watch the pirates of the caribbean without guilt.

The average tom stan compares their fave to princess diana but notice how they don't feel any compassion for greg, someone that is actually experiencing work place abuse because of their fave ?, so which one is it? if you're fave is princess di (what a vile comparison) then what does that make greg exactly??

neither of these groups actually care about male victims but they know admitting to only woobifying certain men because they're attracted to them, makes them look like losers so they grasp at straws to make themselves look like advocates for male victims fictional or otherwise, despite the fact that depp is friends with a pedo who most likely has hurt young boys, and despite the fact that tom is an abusive boss that takes his frustrations out on greg and anybody below him.

Honestly i meant that she's getting the "amber heard treatment" in a sense that she isn't a "perfect victim" like, people especially women with internalized misogyny and regular misogynists only feel sorry for women who were domestically abused if she's a protagonist in a lifetime movie or if she's the lead from an early 2000's shoujo anime, as in she needs to be the long suffering loyal wife who's only mistake was falling for the wrong guy, and even then she get's the classic "why didn't you just leave!"? so there's like no winning either way but shiv is already at a disadvantage because people don't pity her or sympathise with her in the first place, so if the worst case scenario actually happens (tom putting his hands on her) she won't have many people feeling sorry her, just like amber because she isn't a "perfect victim" and people will bring up her cheating and past bullshit as if that means she "deserves" to get hit.

[giftedpoison]

Nah the craziest thing for me about being a habitual language learner. Is in my native tongue, I don't utilize Point of View or Tenses correctly.

I'll say things in past tense when I mean present and present when I mean past.

Also pronouns? Forget it. I'll say our mother even if the person I'm speaking to does not have the same mother and the sibling I'm referring to (with our) is not present in space nor in conversation.

I speak broken ass English half the time it's no wonder I don't get time/tenses in other languages confused. I don't even understand it in English I just make shit up.

[mackennaaidanrose]

Aidan’s Sin

A short story from the world of “the Journey”

Staring Aidan McGregor and Adeline Delvalle Adams

An short cope from my own poorly handled emotions

explanation in the tags

Aidan ran through the woods, tears streaming down her face and pooling in her mask as she rushed away from the battlefield where her latest fight had just ended badly. The waffles had struck down their latest enemy in the skirmish, but not without casualty. During the fight, Adeline, the woman who’d become like a mentor to her, had taken a couple arrows to the shoulders and legs and gone down from the blood loss, while Luna, who had declared her love for her only weeks prior, was engulfed in multiple magical blasts before fainting. Aidan had managed to be one of the fee who hadn’t been hit much, and had been able to get the two some of their health potions after the skirmish. But in her heart she knew she was to blame.

5 shots to her teachers shoulder because she had missed her strikes and couldn’t reach the archer in time. 2 Eldritch blasts and a lightning bolt she couldn’t stop from hitting her lover because she wasn’t fast enough. All her own fault. Just like before with the factory, just like before with McKenna. She wasn’t strong enough, she wasn’t fast enough, she wasn’t brave enough, she wasn’t smart enough to help. To stop accidents from happening. to save those she loved. And so, like the coward she was, she ran away to hide and cry and try to hopelessly make right after getting her family to safety. Just like she’d done all her life, from when the Factory blew up to when she couldn’t stop them from bullying her brother.

After what felt like forever she found an old hollow tree and clambered inside, hoping to hide herself and her sins from the world and the sisters themselves. In here, she hoped, she could hide from them all.

Removing her hat Plague mask from her head, she set them down to her side and began rummaging through her bag as tears streamed down her face, until she eventually found what she was searching for. A small stuffed dog from her infancy, affectionately named Doggie for his doggness. Lying on her side and pressing the toys nose to her eye like she’d done since forever she wept and spoke to him like one vents to an old friend.

“It happened again Doggie. I couldn’t stop them from getting hurt again. Everytime I try to do good for them I mess up. I say something, it’s something unintentionally rude. I go to help someone, I help the wrong way. I invite them to watch me work, they get hurt. I fight beside them, they get hit. Nothing I can do will work and whatever happens, I’m the one who needs help. And I’m the one who can’t.”

She sat there silently sobbing for hours till eventually the faint familiar drawl of the horned woman cut through the air to her.

“Aidan! Aidan where are you! Aidan please let me know where you are we’re getting ready to eat and assign watch!”

She remained silent and still as the crunch of twigs and leaves echoed through the woods around her. The sound of her friend's voice drew ever nearer.

“Aidan. You don’t gotta come out now but I’d like to know where yer at.”

The steps approached the hollow tree until they stopped just feet away. Two gentle taps against the side reverberated off the trunk walls.

“You in there buddy? You don’t gotta speak, just tap.”

Aidan thought for a moment and tapped the side twice.

“Can I join you to make sure yer ok? 2 for yes 1 for no?”

Aidan thought again and very slowly gave two taps to the tree trunk insides. A second later, the footsteps slowly began again, rounding the tree and stepping inside before sitting down next to her still body. The faint smell of whiskey and tobacco pierced her nose.

“You feelin any better bud?”

She gave a slow head shake and remained otherwise still, her face still connecting with Doggie’s small face. Above her, the older woman looked down to her pupil and considered her options before continuing her questioning.

“Are you upset about the battle? About us getting hurt”

A slow nod followed. At the reminder her tears began to flow a bit more, the thought confronting her mind once more.

“We’re alright now, you ain’t gotta worry none about us. The potions did their thing and now the both of us are all better now. See?”

She uncovered her shoulder to show the scars now present on her body, indicating the healing process that’d occured. Aidan didn’t look up but merely gave a sad grunt in response. Adeline sighed.

“You’re still upset that we got hurt though? I guess it’s understandable, it never really is something you get used to seeing every day.”

She raked her mind for what to say but ultimately came up flat.

“Would you like me to stay with you till yer ready?”

Aidan remained still for a several seconds before slowly nodding her head in response. Adeline nodded once and reached down a hand to rub her back.