#sorry for being neurodivergent. as if i asked to think about this 24/7

[slightlyhopefulromantic]

monsters and mommies au except its really obvious that the thing i think about the most is how it would impact the trial/jodie arc

(i feel like ive seen a few people do these aus but i just searched it and only found its-raining-heres au so um. if i ripped you off im so so sorry i thought it was a fun trend)

rambling /explaining this more under the cut but tl;dr: i thought it would be more interesting for this au, to Not make a fifth mom and instead twist the punishment so that jodie still replaces glenn! however, its in the sense that morgan got retroactively married to a "responsible parent" rather than her (late) husband, glenn :3c so essentially the same punishment, just inflicted in a way that feels very different

okay so to infodump, because i havent touched this au in a creative sense but HAVE talked my partner and their boyfriend's ear off about it despite them not watching dndads--

im not gonna ramble about everything. but! in my ideal monster and mommies au, morgan is the most different from her husband, compared to the other moms. i found that carol would mirror darryl very closely, mercedes and samantha more mirror their husbands in a general sense, but morgan i thought would be more fun being much different from glenn :] still have similar Plot Beats(tm) but very twisted on their head

in this au, since they swap places, glenn is. yknow. dead. sorry man. but rather than going glenn's route of like, totally disconnecting from reality bhjfdbgjfdbj morgan instead gets very very intense and protective over nick, to the point of it driving a wedge between them. nick still idolizes glenn, and he remembers what his mom used to be like before she got so scared, and so he strives to be Rock And Roll Edgy Teen Boy and it makes morgan. crazy. (it is definitely more nick acting out for attention than him genuinely wanting to be a druggie rock star, mirroring how nick would imitate glenn mostly to get his attention, but morgan does not know that LOL) but she struggles a lot with figuring out how to control him beyond getting into arguments and so she is a very ineffective parent

originally, i was actually gonna have mercedes have to go on trial instead of morgan for various reasons, but i just. the whole jodie thing was too interesting to me. it wouldve been funny to make henry and jodie gay married but i just thought i could get more creative with it. so instead, jodie still replaces glenn as nick's father... but this time, its because morgan gives up her marriage with glenn so nick would have a better parent, rather than glenn giving up his fatherhood over nick for the same reason :] morgan is basically told that she will be given a marriage that would have better suited raising nick safely, and she accepts (significant because in contrast to glenn, where he doesnt mention morgan very much due to his Bury My Emotions schtick, morgan is very very vocal about missing glenn, so it was an obvious weak spot for her). vainly, she hoped a little bit that maybe it would be glenn but 5% more careful with himself, but instead, she escapes prison to find nick with an entirely different appearance, attitude, and father... very dramatic :D

jodie is much more a background force in this au, but he IS still a demon whos life was ripped away from him so he could go be a highway cop. i dont know if they would ever learn this fact to be honest. still deciding that. maybe morgan just thinks she got a free new husband to divorce or fall in love with or whatever

i talked so long. im so sorry. i just think about this a lot, i love this au and the silly little morgan ive made up in my mind

[sassy-hedgie]

in my “tired of masking and wishing i could not have to constantly be on edge at all times but not wanting everyone to hate me” era ✌️

[rorywritesjunk]

!! Vent !!

I'm so sorry btw. Just needed to bring it all up.

Sometimes I just sit and think about the fact my brother was born about a month after I turned 12

(Jan. 15th and Feb. 23)

At first, it was just helping here and there. Still everyday. But I could get into bed on school nights (which instead of sleeping was me time mostly because yk)

Slowly he became my full responsibility. At like 13-14 I was accused of being on drugs. I wasn't doing 🍃 at the time.

So my mom goes through my entire room, finds nothing.

What was really going on? I was just tired. No mom, my eyes aren't red from 🍃, it's because you just woke me up. I mean, sure, I was laying on laundry in the bathroom.. But come on! Give a girl a break. I was TIRED.

when COVID hit, it was full time. 24/7. So since I was home, I was taking care of my dad's mom and my brother. While trying to keep up with school work and zoom classes. To say I did horribly..

But by the end of that school year my mom pulled me out of that school and put me in homeschooling.

So. That's great. I guess I could say I have experience in childcare. Not that I ever want to work with children.

I'm undiagnosed, I know that. With what? Probably a lot of shit.

My brother is ADHD/autistic we believe (not hard to see it) and I have to be the one watching him every day?

Who thinks it's a good idea for a holding-on-by-a-thread neurodivergent adult to take care of a equally neurodivergent child?

My mom apparently.

And she still gets pissed when I don't finish something or do something.

I'm simply just tired. So tired.

One day I know I'll get to leave, go stay with my girlfriend. Or my aunt. Whichever comes first. I know it will get better. I just have to keep going. I know I'm likely burned out but I don't have much of a choice. I still have a child who relies on me.

And you know what? My mother calls me so many different fucking names. Yells. (Which, I WILL cry whenever someone raises their voice at me.)

I'm a bitch if I get an attitude.

I'm a bully if I'm not nice to my brother.

I'm stupid and ignorant if I don't understand something. Which, I'm now too scared too ask for someone to repeat something or to ask for help. Because I should know how to do the thing already apparently.

I'm a liar when I say I don't like ground meat because of its texture. Because I've ate it before. Or, when I say I'm going to the bathroom but my brother doesn't want me to leave. And I go to the bathroom, but then I go sit in my room.

And *oh* the disappointed and disapproving look my mom has given me as she passes my room after I refused to cuddle with my brother saying "it would have only taken only ten minutes and he would have went to sleep"

context: My brother will ask to cuddle when he's tired. And if you allow him to curl up he'll likely fall asleep within 10-30mins.

More context: SA has made me VERY uncomfortable with just about anyone touching me. Sometimes I can't mentally or physically handle anyone touching me AT ALL. and it got really bad so I was turning down my brother a lot. And yeah, I feel fucking shitty. I love that kid.

But I need space sometimes.

And often these things linger in my head. It gnaws. It's always there. I randomly cry at night because of the amount of fucking shit my family has put me through.

Sometimes I feel like I'm actually a really bad person. That I am these things I'm called.

Then I remember. I video things I do sometimes. While chatting with the people I'm closest to. I talk through my process. I can stay on track. It's a lot more fun.

Also I started this really upset and um lost what I was saying. But um that's actually a lot I wrote, I'm sorry.

Peace out

—🍃🍄💫🌾

Wow.

I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that. Children shouldn't be raising children at all. I've heard and seen so many parents do that to older kids, make them in charge of their younger siblings, take care of them, see to their needs, everything. It shouldn't happen.

I'm betting your mom is around my age so I'm ready to throw down.

And please know you having boundaries with your family, especially your little brother, is fine. He needs to learn that sometimes you need your own personal time, as does your mom, because you're a human and not an in-home babysitter.

Ugh. 🧡 I'm sorry you've been dealing with this. I'm going it looks up soon for you!

[jmtorres]

ETA 11/7/24 we are in all kitty all knitting all pretty pictures hours until my dashboard stops being the most depressing thing in the world. i come to tumblr to distract me from shit like the fucking election and right now i have a dozen blocked posts in a row because no one knows how to step away. I'm stepping away. it's all fluff here.

I thought as a fannish tumblr I could stumble along without a *jazz hands* policy but I guess I gotta pin a post.

I am on Tumblr for fun.

If you send an ask for money I will block and report spam.

Below the cut: stuff I reblog, sideblogs, stuff I try to avoid, block policies, queue, do not ask me for money, and as a palate cleanser to thank you for reading, a nice picture of my cat.

I like to reblog:

pictures of animals and flowers

fannish stuff about shows, books and podcasts I'm enjoying (I like a lot of shit and I'm a fannish butterfly and/or magpie, it's not useful for me to post a fandom list, it expands often) (this includes thinking about characters banging, if you are an "anti" you will probably not enjoy my blog)

sometimes chronic health stuff, that's less fun but the spoonie community sometimes offers advice i find useful or just, relatable weariness

neurodivergent stuff too

food and recipes

art (no AI. if you see me reblog AI-generated content feel free to let me know) (by the way I HATE being suspicious of artists and trying to figure out if something is genuinely creative or machine-mixed.)

architecture and interior decor

fashion

hot people, often wearing fashion

if it makes me laugh. memes and shit.

language/linguistics stuff

filmmaking stuff

knitting and other fibercrafts

general nerdery

queer stuff (history, queer rep, talking about the queer experience, hot queer people flaunting it)

jewish stuff (usually cultural, some midrash, I try not to post about current events see below)

scifi & fantasy writing/what-ifs/meta

polls I miss LJ clicky-boxes but i vote in all kinds of polls it activates something in my brain

like literally whatever interests me, this is a personal blog, not themed*

* i have a couple of themed blogs, which I very occasionally update:

@teachdeathtodye, about both fiber and hair dyeing

@wheresmygoddamnlunarbase, about surprising or exciting scientific and technological advancements.

any other blogs that are not defunct? apparently as of 2023 I still post to @hewasonfogmachine, which was essentially a moodboard for an epic plotbunny I never wrote. it was a rock star AU, so lots of interesting musical instruments and performances. also an MCU/Mission Impossible fusion so hot pics of actors from both franchises, and my fancasts for OCs. either a very specific or very random themed blog, but if it's to your taste, enjoy.

But back to THIS blog!

I try not to post about politics (I am trying not to even read about politics on tumblr tbh) but sometimes the moment moves me. I will tag relevantly (I use "us politics" for American shit and "i/p" for the Israel-Palestine conflict).

I believe in curating my tumblr experience. I filter a lot of keywords and tags, but I also unfollow people if you post something that upsets me and gets past the filters. It's rarely personal. Who I follow is meant to give me an interesting and pleasing dashboard experience, not necessarily be a reflection of who I'm friends with.

I block fairly liberally. If I find your posts/opinions antithetical to my existence or my friends' existence, I will do my damndest to block you rather than argue with you (sorry if i was unable to resist arguing with you before I remembered the block button).

I softblock declared minors who follow me. I'm not an "adult" blog per se but I'm not filtering my content for children and also if you are a minor for your own safety you should not be announcing it on the internet, get that shit off your profile.

I periodically check who follows me and I might softblock (or hardblock) you if I do not think we are compatible (ie you have a DNI that lists people like me but followed me anyway for some reason??)

I queue shit and don't mark it queued so me posting is never an indication of whether I'm actually online.

And here's the thing I need to say that got me to pin a post:

I do not reblog ANY requests for money, I do not respond to asks from people I don't know personally asking for money. I'm on Tumblr for fun and my wallet is not available.

If you send me something like that and it looks spammy (which if you're cold calling, it does), I will report you to Tumblr. If you send me something like that and we don't know each other at all, I will block you. (If I know you I will probably gently remind you I don't do that. Unless I know you but you've been borderline annoying or upsetting in the past, in which case I might just block you anyway.)

Look. The world sucks. A lot of us are in financial straits and are not getting the support we need from our communities, our governments, our families. But I don't have the energy to figure out if you're "deserving" and I'm not loaded either. I do my volunteering/community aid locally in person, not online, to be sure I know who I'm helping, and because a lot of the help I am able to provide is via action rather than money. I am very sorry for the failures of our society that have made social media your best chance of getting help, but please don't ask me to participate in that.

Here's my cat.

The end

[ndcultureis]

Neurodivergent hispanic peruvian ocd culture is getting told by ur university teacher "ocd and overwhelming intrusive thoughts 24/7 is not an excuse to fail on ur projects, that's a neurodivergency but not a disability, so u are fine,you don't need any extra accomodation. It's hard bc u are first medical student but ur classmates are struggling like u do or even worse because everyone has to do stuff,you are not the only one"

Or "don't tell someone you have ocd or paternal issues that easily, ppl are going to take advantage of ur vulnerability"

by the university's psycologist.

when she was the one who asked how was the relationship between my parents and I, what did she expected me to act? Lie so she can call me out and then being honest with shame?.

"Don't tell anyone about ur ocd"

Why not? I tell ppl about it so I can estabished my boundaries, if they want to hang out w/ me and viceversa.

I hate how neurodivergencies are overlooked in latam,especially the country where I'm from.

neurotypicals think the only reason for neurodivergent to succed is ""acting like neurotypical"" or if we are smart they react either surprised because they expect us to be dumb or sm shit, but if we struggle,we are expected to act like neurotypical ppl do.

Honestly fuck everyone. I hate it here, I hate my teacher, my classmates.

Sorry I need it to get all the anger out of my body.

Idk if what my teacher and psycologist counts as ableist or not.

.

[breezydaysoflife]

For the ask game!! 1, 4, 5, 7, 14, 18, 24! (I know it’s a lot lol sorry I couldn’t choose.) Also I will absolutely tag you in stuff!

If you ever want tumblr advice feel free to ask, I’ve been here for three or four years which seems short honestly to me LMAO

A lot is good! I like a lot! It's an excuse to post, and a lot of these really made me think lol

1. when did you first watch/discover good omens, and how did you find out about it?

I started watching somewhere last year, I think in late summer/early fall. As for why? My boyfriend! We're both neurodivergent, and if you think my Good Omens hyperfix is bad, his is worse. I finally let him bully me into watching it and it became a hyperfix that eventually evolved into a SpIn.

4. what is (if you read) your favorite good omens longfic?

Ok, I considered a little white lie here, but I'll be honest; it's you'll never be lonely (you're my only one) by ladydragona and SylWritesStuff. Omegaverse has always fascinated and comforted me, and this is probably one of the best I have read in any fandom, and definitely the best out of Good Omens. I love the ineffables' relationship in it and Warlock's characterization. I could rattle on abt this fic for paragraphs upon paragraphs but I'm not gonna do that to save everyone's sanity lol

5. what is (if you read) your favorite good omens one-shot?

Ok this one was hard because I read far more one-shots then longfics but after digging through my bookmarks, ultimately, it's i am just the (new invention) by littlesnowpea. It's cracky, it's sweet, Crowley is oblivious and Aziraphale's a bastard. I clocked him from the very beginning so the "YouTube comments" were and still are some of the funniest bits of any fanfiction I've read

7. what is your favorite underappreciated quote?

Help my memory is dying. Uh. I do not know that many quotes so it's probably not underappreciated but maybe one would be Crowley's "Lovely knowing you all. May we meet on a better occasion." From the body swap. It kinda gets drowned out by Gabriel's infamous line directly after but it always sends chills down my spine. Crowley's got Aziraphale down to such a science that he knows, without a doubt, that even when being faced by death, he'd fawn. He'd be polite. It's powerful.

14. what is your favorite good omens-coded song?

Take Me To Church, 100%. No questions asked.

18. what is your favorite moment through history, and why?

It's a basic bitch answer and I know it's a basic bitch answer but it's the 1941 church scene, ok? Nothing can beat it for me.

24. what's a theory for season 3 that you NEED to be included?

Crowley's gonna be mean. Like. Really mean. And while I know we all want and need(heh) them to get their happy ending, it's not gonna be right away. I want to see that anger, that frustration, that pain. I also want Aziraphale to snap at some point. I want them to know just how much they've hurt each other so they can actually work on fixing it.

[silvermoonshipping-is-love]

What's your favorite creepypasta out of all of them? (Sorry if this question has an obvious answer I'm just curious.)

(btw love ur art)

Oh my god, I'm so terribly sorry for not answering this since forever.

I think people noticed my activity on here keeps dwindling more and more, there's just too much going on in my personal life right now, both literally and mentally. Trust me, I wanna create content again, I just don't know when.

But first of all, thank you for this ask and thank you for the compliment, I apologize for not having created any more art in probably months at this point-

And while the answer may be obvious, I always love getting to gush over my favourite boys. I could of course go the easy route and just say Ben and Silver are my faves... But I need to be honest with myself.

I think the posts, the headcanons, the tags and all make it obvious that while my favourite used to be Lost Silver it slowly evolved into it being Ben. And I still stand by that. He isn't only my favourite Creepypasta, he is probably my biggest comfort character and one of my most favourite characters in general.

I don't even fully know why, my neurodivergent brain just decided to hyperfixate on him and hasn't let go of him since. He is in there 24/7 and better pay his goddamn rent soon-

He is lovable, he is so fun to design and draw and make headcanons for, he seems like a great MC to write for, he is genuinely such a nice person despite all he went through, he's so incredibly tragic, like I legit still think he is the saddest Creepypasta ever and you can not change my mind, I just wanna hug him and let him know everything will be fine. But I'm also thirsty for angst, so sucks to be him I guess, lol.

He just... makes me genuinely happy, but don't worry, his boyfri- I mean Silver is still very close up as the second most important Gamingpasta in my heart.

Silver has always been sort of an inspiration to me and a giver of hope which I probably show in my writing, like I often think I may kinda be a traitor to Silver fans or many SilvernMoon shippers, because most seem to care more for him and that's totally fine and cool; I just feel like a faker almost for it lol, but I still love him a lot, I just gotta acknowledge that I want Ben to be happy too, and even think he needs love and comfort more (That's right, I said it).

I'm really sorry if my rambles make no more sense or are becoming incomprehensible. Bottom line, my faves are Ben and Silver, but if being 100% honest my absolute fave is Ben, he's just a funky lil bean.

Stan Ben Drowned/Benjamin Lawman for clear skin!

PS: Also honorable mention to my boy Liu. Idc if he isn't written the best apparently (Tho of course I agree the DID was handled badly and the one thing I would change about him), I find his potential great and him very underrated. Sure is a shame his brother is one of the worst ones to ever exist and the fandom just needs to staple him to said brother instead of letting Liu be his own character. But not the point of the ask lmao.

[leather-dragon]

Autistic mc x obey me

This is my first post so please be respectful and don’t sexualise my writing EVER! This doesn’t match up perfectly with their actual personalities. This is how my autism shows itself so when I talk about being smart I am not just going off of stereotypes but instead how I am. This has adhd mammon and autistic Levi.I’ll do meltdown comfort in the next one as I want this to be light as it’s my first post.

Lucifer:

He would see it in your file

He would do a bunch of research before you came

He would find food in devildom that matches up with common safe foods

He would protect you from any judgment that gets sent your way

He will say something about your autism and will kick himself for days

He would let you stim around him

If anything you did as a stim hurt you he would 100% care for you

If he lectured you he would think a lot about his tone and how loud he is talking to you

Would let you info dump while he did his paperwork

Finds it annoying that you don’t understand sarcasm

Thinks it rude that you don’t make eye contact

Mammon

Would understand straight away

You would spend hours just info dumping together

He is very loud so he would constantly be apologising for scaring you

Would always come to you with his chances of winning a bet

When either of you lose something you would make very little sense but one of you would always know what you’re talking about and know where it is

Would find your keys in the fridge and put his keys with them. No questions asked

Would also only eat beige food

You would both clean each others rooms

 You could 100% percent stim with him

Gives you sunglasses for when it’s bright out (or so you don’t have to make eye contact)

Leviathan

Immediately recognises that you are a fellow autistic

Let’s you have a pair of ear defenders in your favourite colour/colours

You,him and mammon have a group chat called “✨the neurodivergents✨”

His room is the “safe” room

He oral stims

He introduces you too an anime that becomes a special interest

Info dump 24/7

He notices you don’t like eye contact and he knows he doesn’t either

He wears clothes with nice textures

He has an entire box filled with different types of fidgets

Satan

When he finds out about your autism he reads a bunch of books about it

He understands how it effects you and tries to be understanding

He is incredibly sorry when his wrath gets the best of him and he yells at his brothers

Gives you ways to do things more efficiently that actually could work

Likes having sensible math debates with you

Gives you ways to cope with different things

Notices how you mask a lot at school

Tends to find it annoying when you move your leg up and down all the time

Not the best to stim around

Makes extreme eye contact to the point it’s uncomfortable

Asmo

Buys you a bunch of clothes that have all the perfect texture/materials

He buys you a bunch of fidget jewellery

You want chewy necklaces, sure. Fidget rings,bet. Fidget earnings ,of course.

Finds it annoying that you don’t understand a lot of social cues

He always goes on about your skin because of your safe foods aren’t the best for your skin

Buys you gloves so you don’t get overwhelmed with feeling/threat of germs

You can stim around him

He finds you stims “cute”

Lets you info dump

Sets you up a skincare routine

Beel

Doesn’t understand how only eat three types of food

Lets you hide in his jackets/zip up hoodies

Helps you when you when you want deep pressure

 Accidentally eats one of your chewies

Why have something to chew if you can’t eat it?

You can stim by him

Tried to get you to eat more than three types of food

Doesn’t mind not making eye contact

He is always kind and understanding

Lets you info dump

Belphie

Understands a bit about autism

How can you barely sleep

Tries to fix your sleep schedule

You can stim around him just don’t be loud

Doesn’t mind no eye contact -his eyes are closed most of the time-

You can info dump just,once again, don’t be loud

He leaves you alone most of the time

He wears the best textures ever

He gives a nasty glare to whoever is rude to you

Doesn’t care that much about what you do

[fuck-customers]

This goes for customers, colleagues, friends and family members. Please for the love of all things good don't fucking ask someone who's losing their job what they're going to do or what they've got lined up. Personally for me I've got nothing in the works because since being made redundant my mental health is even shittier and I can't deal with looking for a new job right now. Luckily (only in the financial respect lol) I still live with my parents so I don't have too much to worry about in terms of bills and such, and I recognise that I'm fortune with that, but when I tell people who've asked that I plan to take some time off they look at me like I've just shat in their kettle. Sorry, did you want me to explain that I can feel a severe depressive episode coming on so I'm gonna take some time off to fucking cope with that and maybe see a doctor, is that a good enough reason to be out of work in your mind? Why can't people just say wow it sucks that you're losing your job that you love I'm really sorry, why do they have to be so god damn fucking nosey?

Equally I don't want to fucking hear about my soon to be ex coworkers getting new jobs and going for interviews. Lucky you, must be nice to be able to easily think about a new job when the thought of having to meet and introduce myself to a bunch of new people as well as disclose my mental health issues and how they may affect me at work makes me want to throw up. Especially after the manager at one of the other stores in the shopping center was complaining to me the other day about how she can't find staff because everyone she's interviewed has the audacity to not be available 24/7 or need some accommodations. Hearing her bitch about some poor person she interviewed who couldn't lift heavy objects due to having had an operation last year and saying that people are just lazy was fucking awful, how am I supposed to go out there and find a job when I know it's cunts like her I'll have to interview with? This world was not built for neurodivergent and mentally ill people and I fucking hate it.

[bourbon-ontherocks]

okay i was rewatching 2x04 when Ludo breaks up with Morgane and i just got so sad because… follow me here… as it was mentioned in the series, morgane is neurodivergent. ofc, lots of her behaviors trace back to that. i did some research on "giftedness" (ie high intellectual potential) bc of a project of my own and yes it 100% classifies as a neurodivergence and gifted people (esp kids) actually struggle a lot, they're more at risk of developing depression or other disorders (+ might have commorbities) and in general need a lot of understanding BUT it always gets overlooked because "oh they're super smart how hard can it be for them" like it's just assumed they get a "plus" and no one ever considers that there's a lot of baggage with that plus. and that's EXACTLY what happens to Morgane and in s2 it really shows. her mother thinks she's bound to fail, ludo has little patience for her "quirkyness", even in the workplace she's always asked to adapt and no one tries to accommodate her (except for karadec, perhaps)

SO YK WHEN GILL SAYS "your brain is a curse" YEAH EXACTLY. except morgane has to live with it 24/7 and no one ever took the time to understand that she's not just super smart hence lucky.

when she said Roman was the only man who could put up with her IT MADE ME SO SAD listen idk maybe he wasn't as good as she remembers him, but that's not the point yk. like it's clear she loves the people around her but they don't even try to understand her xkwmfk like when she said that she's trying but she can't :(( she's so alone and misunderstood it breaks my heart.

of course she has a gift but i wish more people realized it's also a burden :(

ps im not french so apologies if i wrote any names wrong

Oh hi there!!

I can't believe I have a second HPI anon (even though I already know who you are...)!! How cool is that 😍😍

I'm so sorry that it took me so long to reply, I was away for a few days, anyway I find your analysis super interesting! I'll start with the disclaimer that I'm aware that the show's been criticized for its inaccurate portrayal of giftedness and neurodivergence so I cannot say what is or isn't actually realistic about Morgane's character, but I do agree with the loneliness and misunderstanding parts.

I'll add the pinch of salt that it is quite unclear to me whether some of her behaviours and quirks are arguably due to the specifics of her brain, or just her rather unhinged personality (which I don't think is necessarily tied to her neurodivergence) though.

But regardless of that last point, I wholeheartedly agree that Morgane feels desperately lonely in this second season and that it was the whole point of it. We're constantly shown what makes her aggravating for the others, but I never thought about the fact that nobody actually tries to understand and/or accommodate her... 😰😰 That is quite an interesting take!

The way she talks about Romain... no, don't drag me over this, the wound is still fresh, but yeah, it is truly heartbreaking that she's trying so hard and that nobody actually acknowledges that, to the point that she thinks that the man who abandoned her is the only one who could put up with her... 💔💔

On a brighter note, I'd say that even though they never explicitly say or discuss it, everyone on the team is doing their best at being there for her despite her aggravating quirks, helping her when she gets homeless, and generally caring about her well-being. They might not realize where her struggles come from, hopefully this will be explored furthermore in season 3, but they love her anyway ❤️

[dionysianfreak]

some spicy things I do in my practice because of ADHD

given that it's literally my brain, adhd takes over a lot of things in my life. it finds a way to wiggle into everything I do in both bad and good ways. it's just how it is being neurodivergent and it's just how life goes for me, but that doesn't mean it doesn't aid me in many ways. growing up we aren't taught about mental divergency. we're taught the abled and neurotypical way and that's it, but in truth neurodivergent people only struggle due to not having the resources to do things the way that'll let them work efficiently. so here is a list of ways my personal adhd effects my pagan practice and ways I incorporate it into my worship !

stimming

stimming ! i stim a LOT and sometimes, if the emotion I feel is strong enough, they turn to uncontrollable tics. this also means that when during things like rituals, I'll have to pause so I don't tic and ruin something. this is totally normal and okay ! I've never once had a problem with it, and the Gods just patiently waited for it to pass as it always does. we both know it's just something that happens and it's apart of me, it isn't something to be ashamed of or hide.

accepting stimming once I was diagnosed was also something I did as a devotional act to Dionysos ! instead of trying to mask or push down the urge to stim, I'd allow myself to just let it out. my stims vary between very overt to covert, and accepting the overt ones as normal was a feat worthy of devotion imo. you can also keep stim toys on your altar when you're not using them, if you wanted to.

time and schedules

consistent worship ????? never heard of her. same goes for offerings. sometimes I give 294894 offerings in a day and sometimes I've given one offering in a week, it just depends on my ever changing behavior. there's no need to be stuck on a schedule if you don't want to or even make one to begin with. when I first started out, I asked Hermès, Apollon, and Dionysos (who I worshipped at the time) if I should make a schedule and the no was so hard I haven't asked since. my worship is a part of my daily life, as just like I don't drive places every day I don't worship every day. both are still important in my life regardless if I'm actively doing it or not. if you stuggle with consistency, I urge you to speak with the Gods you worship and see if making things more fluid would help !

hyperfixation is also a pain in the ass sometimes, especially when it becomes something other than paganism. due to the free nature of my practice and that I've chosen to devote, it sometimes translates into "well I don't haveeee to do this" and suddenly poof, all the motivation is gone. it's VERY hard to come back when your brain is so wired on something else entirely, and I understand the feeling. during these times I personally do very small things to keep up. if I make dinner for myself, I'll offer a portion and eat with the Gods just to show that I'm participating even when I'm struggling to. the small things count.

RSD - Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria

my RSD is crippling in my life, and it's reach extends to paganism sometimes as well (if you're unaware, RSD is the extreme sensitivity to perceived rejection in any form). sometimes during readings I receive a card that I believe is saying something "negative". sometimes it's criticism, sometimes advice, sometimes it's a slap on the wrist, but no matter what it is in reality I'm at the mercy of my brain to interpret it. so this has lead to meltdowns, long depressive/anxious episodes, and crying fests when I think a deity is angry with me. it has gotten so bad before that delusions have appeared and made me believe false memories or feelings of hatred from the Gods.

it's so hard and I'm so sorry if anyone else has to deal with it. to help with this, I have to fight to remind myself that advice is not an attack. the Gods are trying to help me and, even if They were angry at me, I've made mistakes before and They've allowed me to grow from them. i also have a checklist of questions I ask myself to allow logic and reality back into my head. a few questions include "have i done anything recently that's worthy of anger from a God ?", "is this something that will last forever ?", and "is this a message that has something to teach me ?".

impulsiveness

ask most people with ADHD about being impulsive and you'll probably receive a nervous side glace. we're impulsive often, which can do a multitude of things in paganism. one, starting a devoting and never finishing it. i am SO guilty of this one, and it make me feel bad even now. i have plenty up unfinished plans, drawings, and other devotional items that look around and guilt me. I've been in this cycle for a year and I don't think I'll ever grow out of it, but from what I've noticed the Gods don't mind. doing some of a devotion is a wonderful feat, and the energy that took is a wonderful offering even if you don't finish it.

I'm sure other adhd people and probably some autistic people have been in the position of "I just discovered this new Deity and oh my god I NEED to worship them RIGHT NOW or I'll DIE". They're just SO COOL and you automatically feel a connection. then three weeks later you feel demotivated to worship Them and now you feel terrible about it. don't worry, me too. to help with this nowadays I personally honor for a bit then worship if the worship relationship doesn't involve any help between us. this is what I did with Pan, and it worked VERY well for me. i recognized our connection but I didn't feel the pressure to consistently worship Him.

back to the start of the second paragraph, if you're stuck in that situation just communicate with the Deity. it can be hard to admit you're wrong, especially with adhd. however, just sitting down and calling to Them to let them know how you feel and that you think you made a mistake is a huge communicative step !

demotivation

this. one. sucks. inbetween hyperfixations, being stressed out or anxious, going through a depressive episode, and more can cause very deep demotivation and loss of energy in people with ADHD and other disorders. sometimes I'll just lay in my floor with my headphones on for hours because I literally can't find the energy to get up. a lot of people worry that this directly conflicts with Paganism and would slow progress. i understand why it seems that way, especially since adhd is a very "GO FAST, DO THIS THING N O W" disorder. there's actually a few solutions here I can think of

devote your personal healing to the Gods as this can give your brain a "reward" and can help you personally feel better in many ways. after weeks without a shower, devote a bath to a Deity or maybe eat breakfast at Their altar if you haven't been eating much. allow Them to be your motivation

take a break entirely. paganism certrainly isn't a 24/7/365 commitment and your practice molds to your needs. if you're just absolutely knocked out and need rest, take a break. I've taken MANY breaks before. I've been forced on breaks too because the Gods noticed my mental health declining before I did. never feel ashamed for needing time for yourself

do multiple small things rather than big things. a little bit of your dinner when you eat, redecorate Their altar or space, listen to music that reminds you of Them, think of Them when you're out and about in case you see something. you can weave devotion into daily acts in order to reinforce mundane things you need to do and calm your mind about paganism.

and finally, miscellaneous list of other things I do that are too small for their own section.

if you need to keep track of divination readings, no need to write down every reading you've ever had in detail. you can voice record them as you go, take photos of the cards, or use apps like Labyrinthos that can act as a tarot log.

your altar doesn't need to look perfect, it should reflect your worship and your devotion to a Deity. this means if your altar looks like a mess, as mine ALWAYS do, it's perfectly okay ! clutter aesthetic altars are the most beautiful altars in my eyes, and they're so worthy of adoration. I've never once heard of a Deity disliking an altar, They appreciate our work to put in a space just for Them. let your altar look messy and wild as you want, altars don't need to be aesthetic or color coordinated

you see everywhere that many of us are devoted to one deity in particular or multiple, I fit in here too. i just wanted to say that you never have to devote to any Deity if you don't want to. you could worship when you need help from a specific Deity or worship a different deity every month. never feel like you have to tie yourself down just because other people feel comfortable doing so.

you don't have to celebrate every festival. it's okay to skip celebrations that don't really apply to you or are at an inconvenient time ! you could also reschedule if you find yourself wanting to celebrate but burnt out or busy.

[reynie-muldoons]

'A Whisper, Not a Shout' liveblog!

0:00 I'm screeching I've been looking forward to this so much

1:30 so that's Miss Perumal, right? Right???

1:30 WAIT HOLD ON Number Two was sleeping????

1:48 I'm sorry but Number Two being ready to fire at will with a slingshot is funny as hell to me

1:58 Oh, I guess Rhonda makes sense too. But like what is she doing out at night if she's not the one keeping watch

2:10 as always, the intro slaps

3:14 WAIT HAHAHA Sticky yelling about cheating in the open is so in character 😂😂 so is Kate giving him shit for it

3:22 tactical advantage? Constance, as always, in on something different

3:44 ah yes, convenient Dr. Curtain is convenient

4:16 is....is she spearing a fish

4:25 is that water deep enough to even have octopus?? 😂

4:37 OOH GO RHONDA

4:43 OOOOHHHHH that's where the badminton racket from the intro comes in!!

5:15 dont fucking tell me the episode is named after an octopus dish and not the fucking Whisperer

5:29 they do all seem a bit rattled, that's a good way to put it

5:36 he cares about the kids so much stoppp 🥺

6:14 the hand gestures speak volumes 😂

6:41 workplace matters?? Workplace matters??? How is Milligan so goddamn funny on every occasion 😂😂

6:50 HIS FACE EATING THE OCTOPUS HAHAHA

6:55 here we gooo, it's time for Assault Alpha featuring special agent Bookmarks

7:10 never takes long for Dr. Curtain to say something pretentious, does it

7:16 show!Curtain is much more insidious than book!Curtain imo because in the book, he had no reservations about barking orders and being openly rude to his subordinates. In the show, he's covered in this nice, polite veneer.

7:38 omfg he's asking about the tableside salad thing, what a gem

7:57 I kinda love that he's the sort of guy to carry colored pens for coordinated notes

8:02 AYY CALLED IT Kate's in the tree, I called that in the preview last week 😂

8:21 here we go, now enter special agent Bookmarks

8:56 for some reason I expected Constance to tell her telepathically, but that's jumping the gun a little 😅

9:02 I like how the smile doesnt quite reach his eyes, he's losing patience and you can tell

10:19 and just like that, he's called Reynie a whacko with the words of a compliment

10:37 ayyyyy Sticky tryna draw a brainnnnn

11:03 hahahaha he drew everything upside down because he saw it upside down, that makes a hilarious amount of sense

11:18 "it's supposed to be a shoe" honey.......

11:39 soooooo cheating

12:10 every time I think we're seeing Miss Perumal, we see Rhonda

12:21 why is the thought of Number Two tailing her sister so funny to me

12:38 Rhonda Kazembe with the reminder to wear a mask 😌✨

12:45 OOOH VIGILANTE GRAFFITI

13:44 the butterfly effect at it's finest. It's risky, but Rhonda makes a good point

13:49 that is an exquisite example of what it's like living as a neurodivergent person. Coping mechanisms keep us sane and keep us functioning, and that's tangible.

14:30 the beauty of having a multi-faceted team with diverse skillsets

14:57 I love how he just agrees to rappelling off the building in response to getting caught cheating

15:19 Constance and Reynie's relationship hits that sweet spot later on, but right now it's really funny watching her ignore the fuck out of him

16:09 Number Two coping with her stress by withdrawing and getting snappy with everyone is painfully relatable

16:48 Mr Benedict and Rhonda being co-conspirators scratches an itch I didnt know I had

16:59 that's even funnier when you remember that the kids used 'saltines' as a code word for them

17:40 this is the class from the trailer that it looked like sticky was caught in 😬

18:34 oh yeah, not like the teacher is watching the class and would see you two staring at each other

18:51 ew 😂 I didn't have a close up on a drop of sweat on my bingo sheet, but maybe I should have

19:13 yeahhh I really dont know what he expected, they kept looking at each other and he made a face every time he did morse code with the pencil

19:46 Mr Benedict feeling hyperfixated on seeing his brother breaks my heart

20:27 Milligan 🥺🥺🥺🥺

20:38 oh hello Waiting Room

20:55 idk what to anticipate but I'm anticipating something

21:39 Oh.

22:33 nooooo 🥺

23:28 here it comes, the arc where Reynie blames himself for everything. See you in Prisoner's Dilemma when that arc concludes

24:15 she's not wrong 😂😂

24:18 HELLO TELEPATH HELLO HELLO HELLO

24:35 this is a sensory overload nightmare

25:21 oh shitttt, here's the billiards from Number Two's intro card

25:49 throwback to Rhonda saying what keeps her sane 🥺 sisters sisters sisters

26:13 dont fucking "oh"

26:28 this is what I mean about that veneer of kindness. Curtian knew Sticky was there, but presented it as a polite welcome to his office with a touch of concern.

26:54 here we goooo

27:12 disruptive fidgeting? That's ableist as fuck

27:24 "walk me through that" is such a condescending way to approach a conversation

27:47 I know he's acting it up to convince Curtain but he has made ✨points✨

28:00 so Dr. Curtain was playing the long game the whole time, knowing it was Morse code? What an ass, show some transparency

28:25 time to pin it on Martina

28:48 he's cruel and nothing less

29:28 this is psychological torture

30:02 turbines?

30:08 YEAHHHHH

30:34 he's not gonna be pleased until he sees Curtain, calling it now

31:03 Milligan gets it. He gets it so much.

31:59 STOPPPPP 😭😭😭😭

32:19 awwwwwwwwWWW

32:49 I'm so glad they kept that suspense

33:19 KATE STOP YELLINGGGG

33:38 SWEET KATE

33:45 YES ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR STRENGTHS STICKY

34:23 something about being read a story by Mr. Benedict is so comforting

34:45 🥺🥺🥺🥺

35:00 HERE WE GO MILLIGAN'S MEMORY TALK

35:48 THE PIECE IS KATE AND SHE'S ON THE ISLAND

35:57 fuck everything just give me that dynamic forever

36:29 she decoded it???? Dayummmm

36:32 so what I'm hearing is Constance has sensory overload problems. Fucking LOVE that rep

37:22 STOP YOUR BREATHING HHAHAHAH

38:04 Oh boy, we're already talking about The Improvement??

38:20 A LIST OF HELPERS?????

38:42 WHAAAAA

39:26 so what I'm hearing is, Mr. Benedict also feels as though if he sleeps in he'll miss something

40:00 traps traps traps traps

40:49 WHAT DOES RED MEAN, WHAT DOES RED MEAN

42:11 Kate overthinking everything 🥺

42:26 tetherball?? I love that that and water polo are the sports of choice

43:50 oooh tetherball team, good job Kate

44:49 HAHHAHH

45:29 Connie baby, my love, my child

45:53 Reynie putting himself out there for Constance kills me

46:33 promotion????

46:44 PROMOTIONNNNN I DIDNT THINK IT WOULD HAPPEN THIS SOOOON

47:24 lmaooo she really will never live that one down

47:47 Rhonda spits facts at every opportunity

THAT WAS SO GOOOOOD

[autisticlassiedog]

ADHD asks taken from here

I decided to just answer all of them since no one is sending me any lmao

1. what is one thing you wish more neurotypicals understood about adhd?

That it’s not just a childhood disorder! ADHD kids become ADHD adults! And it has serious consequences if left untreated!

2. a hot take/untalked about issue about adhd that deserves more attention?

According to the book Taking Charge of Adult ADHD by Dr Russell Barkely, the criteria in the DSM (pre-DSM V at least?) was written with children in mind. Adult ADHDers may present a bit differently, and they symptom threshold is slightly lower. He even said that a lot of studies supported that an adult could have a minimum of 4 out the 9 symptoms in either category and still count for a diagnosis.

3. do you have any comorbidities?

Anxiety, seasonal depression, OCD

4. what is ur adhd subtype?

Ok, official diagnosis is ADHD-C, but I think they’re focusing too hard on my childhood presentation of symptoms. I was def combined as a kid, but I only have like 2 hyperactive symptoms, at most, as an adult. So I’d say that I’m inattentive type.

5. do you have any adhd study tips?

Nope, lmao.

6. what’s ur current/most recent hyperfixation?

Honestly it’s been a while since I last hyperfixated, truly hyperfixated. So I dunno..... might have been Sonic.

7. your most embarrassing/weirdest hyperfixation?

Alvin and the Chipmunks? lol..... though that changed from a hyperfixation to an actual mental-health-damaging addiction, so.....

8. what’s your mbti/enneagram type (sorry it’s my hyperfixation lol)?

INFP :)

9. favorite stim/stim toy?

Ooh, I love my stim toys! Idk.... I recently got like..... a “click and snap” I think? I love it. I also love my fidget cube.

10. any experience with ableism you want to share?

Welllll, plenty of people have Opinions about ADHD I’ll tell you hwat..... but one of the most notable? My mom believes, or used to believe, that it’s a made up disorder to sell pills. I would probably have been diagnosed as a kid if she didn’t have that mindset.

11. did you get a diagnosis? if so when.

Yes, was diagnosed at age 24 in 2018.

12. do any of your relatives have adhd?

My bio father was diagnosed with ADHD at age 6! This was like.... in the 1970′s. Honestly, I suspect my mom has it, too. She’s always losing things! And is always late for everything! And she says that my grandma was just like that, too!

13. any good adhd/neurodiverse representation recommendations in media?

I dunno. I heard Percy Jackson uses ADHD almost like a superpower. But I don’t read that series, so.

14. that one character you just KNOW has adhd?

I actually kinda think Neptune from Hyperdimension Neptunia probably has ADHD.

15. do you have sensory issues?

To a degree, yes. I think I experience sensory overload at work. When it’s busy and crowded, I feel physically unwell. Like my body is buzzing. It’s terrible. I also can’t wear socks, they are uncomfortable!! The texture feels bad on my skin!!

16. i can’t believe i almost forgot this question do you take meds, and what is your relationship with meds (whether you’re on them or not)?

Looking into medication! I want to see if they’ll help me.

17. kinda weird question but do you think being neurodivergent had any affect on how you figured out/are figuring out your gender/sexuality (if you are lgbtq+)?

Probably not. (I’m bi-angled grey-aroace.)

18. what’s the hardest thing about having adhd?

Honestly..... knowing that I have such a hard time dealing with anything without external structure. And feeling like it’s very likely I’ll end up homeless one day, because of that. It’s classified as a developmental disability for good reason.

19. what’s the best thing about have adhd (if there is one)?

Well, it’s not all bad, for sure. I think it makes me who I am! I would be a completely different person without it! My mind is funny, too.

20. what is the biggest difference you notice in friendships with other neurodiverse people vs neurotypical people?

Hard to say.

21. if you could tell everyone on tumblr with adhd one thing what would it be?

Remember you are valuable and loved! 

[mcrmadness]

14, 24, 40?

Sorry, it took me way too long with this reply but I never forget about it, so here it finally is! It didn't say, but I assume these were for that Arospec ask game.

---

14. Have you ever had a crush / squish / hush / etc. ?

I was 17 when I first heard about asexuality, and already on my early 20s when I finally found out there are also romantic orientations. I'm not exactly sure when did I figure out I'm also aromantic (back then asexuality was basically defined as sex-repulsion + no interest in sex nor romantic relationships).

And I'm telling this^ because when I was growing up, the amatonormativity and heteronormativity was just HUGE and everywhere. So I also had crushes, but I'm not exactly sure even today what they were. Probably aesthetic? Because I never had anything to do with those crushes. Once I choose a crush for myself because I had none and wanted to talk about "boys" with my cousin because she had a crush, so I just went through my class photo and chose the least annoying option from there.

In total I had... 5 crushes between the ages 7 and 16. The most at once was two crushes when I was 13. The longest one lasted for over 3 years and I never even spoke to him. And I always felt like running away screaming if I felt he noticed me and looked at me for too long time.

I was 17 when I started experiencing 'crushes' on online friends and for a moment thought I was "asexual bi", as I used to call myself. But I think those were actually ADHD/neurodivergent person hyperfixations. So I no longer count them as crushes, I just enjoyed being around those people so much my brain thought it was something else.

I'm not sure if I'm aplatonic. I can't really understand platonic attraction. But I'm definitely a loveless aro, I don't understand love in any form, at all. Not even platonic love. Or at least I don't experience it, afaik. (It's again the same question as with any type of attraction: how do I know if I have ever felt it if I don't know how it feels like?)

-

24. Would you like to be flirted with?

If it comes from a total stranger? No. Sexual flirting from just anyone is an even bigger NO. People doing either type of flirting just to a camera is enough to make me highly uncomfortable.

But with friends? Well... yes and no. It depends a lot. When people do that as a joke, it's sometimes okay, but only from some people, and only if the mood is right. Like, I do like the feeling of being included, you know? It's just quite tricky because when you say that you're aromantic and romance-repulsed, then people who do respect that, won't say anything even jokingly as they know or think it might upset you, but sometimes watching everyone else around you do this leads to the feels of 3rd- or 4th- or 5th- or 10th-whatsoever-wheeling and makes the existing loneliness even stronger. But sometimes some light joke flirt can feel good as it's like... "they know I would never date anyone actually but it's still heartwarming to know that they care about me enough to joke about dating me". And this when everyone knows it's just playful banter and nothing serious.

I remember we sometimes had something like this going on with a group of online friends where people formed joke couples and it was all just fun and games, and you will never catch me starting such jokes. I barely can even tell a friend I care about them, let alone go that far that I would even start joke flirting. Like, that just does not fit my character at all, but I guess me always being so chill is the reason why also other people think I find such things always uncomfortable and in every situation, when in reality nothing is ever black&white.

-

40. Are you out as arospec?

Yes and no. I don't really believe in the closet so I don't consider that I'm in a closet. I just am who I am and it's not really anyone else's business to know what is my relationship status - or the lack of it since I have never even tried being in a relationship! :D If I know that someone I'm talking to is positive about LGBT+ stuff, then I don't have a problem saying it out loud. But with everyone else it's more like "if you haven't noticed anything by now, then I guess you don't deserve to even know". As I'm 30 and never have had a partner nor a desire to have one.

The only red flag for me is when a person asks me "Do you have a boyfriend?" just because I'm AFAB (and agender which is even more difficult to explain to anyone...), then I know for sure that I'm not gonna say anything else but "No." because the chances of them being against LGBT+ is much higher than someone's who doesn't assume heteronormativity on everyone based on just their outer appearance, and I have better things to do than to argue with people over things they know absolutely nothing of.

Thanks for the ask, and I'm really sorry for taking THIS long with my answer!!!

[molsno]

I’m skipping the middleman on that trans ask game and just answering all the questions myself <3

this is long so it’s under a read more

1. How did you choose your name?

in senior year of high school, while I was in french class, I was thinking about the word vivre, to live, and how it conjugated. I forget what tense it is, but one way of conjugating it is “nous vivions”, and it dawned on me that the name vivian is based on the word vivre (or its latin origin). of course, I already liked the name due to the character from paper mario ttyd, but knowing that it means life really spoke to me, as I think the ability to live is a precious thing that shouldn’t be wasted. I decided pretty much then and there that I would name my daughter vivian some day. well... then I got the chance to play a character in my friend’s danganronpa killing game, and I thought playing a girl would be interesting. granted, I also already knew I was an egg and saw this as an opportunity to try out my favorite name, so I created vivian tamochi. as you might have guessed, I loved being her so much that I made vivian my actual name

2. What gives you the most dysphoria?

um, hearing recordings of my own voice probably. I always think that I sound very feminine but then I hear a recording of myself and it sounds like a bad impression

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?

more social I guess? actually yeah I think all of the dysphoria-induced breakdowns I’ve had have been because of social things

4. What do you do to perform self-care when you’re feeling dysphoric?

something that helps a lot is shaving, especially when it’s a fullbody shave

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?

this is a bit embarrassing but it was honestly christmas eve 2018. I saw my little cousin (I think she was 8 at the time) wearing a pretty dress and I felt sort of jealous that I never got to do that when I was her age. I was so confused about this feeling that I told my trans friend kyra about it and after asking me to clarify what I meant she linked me to the egg_irl subreddit. that was the first time I seriously considered it

6. When did you realize you were transgender?

I told my friend amanda how I’d been confused about my gender and she offered to take me to goodwill to try on some clothes. I was extremely nervous about it while we were there and I really had to work up the courage to not only pick out some clothes to try, but also take them to the fitting room with me. but once I put on a skirt for the first time I stood there for like a solid 5 minutes just looking at myself in the mirror with the biggest happiest smile on my face. in that moment I finally understood what gender euphoria was. I couldn’t deny I was trans any longer, it was just a matter of working up the courage to tell people

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?

um, probably that I feel like a person now. also the little things, like seeing my hips get bigger or looking at how long my hair has gotten. just little things to smile about!

8. How would you explain your gender identity to others?

um, I’m girl <3

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?

I mean it depends on who, but I decided to do it on national coming out day 2019, in my discord server with friends. basically I commented on it being national coming out day and reposted my intro in the introductions channel with my new name and pronouns. everyone there sorta saw it coming I’m pretty sure

10. What have your experiences been with packing or tucking?

I’ve tucked a few times in public. it’s uncomfortable for sure, but not terrible once you get used to it. the idea of it made me squeamish at first, I’ll admit. but since I haven’t had much excuse to go out in girlmode the past year or so, I haven’t tucked much

11. What are your experiences with binding or wearing breast forms?

the closest I’ve ever gotten to wearing breast forms is wearing a bra every day for..... almost a year now? it doesn’t serve much purpose other than letting me feel something there, though that is changing since I’ve been on hrt for several months

12. Do you pass?

I mean... probably not? I feel like I’m very visibly trans. there have been like two times where I’ve been gendered correctly in public (one in girlmode, one not) but those are extremely rare

13. What (if any) steps do you want to take to medically transition?

well I’ve been on hrt for 8 months now so that’s one thing. I want to get laser hair removal for my facial hair because that’s one of the biggest sources of dysphoria for me, but yknow. that’s expensive! according to my understanding my insurance supposedly should cover bottom surgery, but I’m honestly in no rush to get that. I don’t really have much bottom dysphoria, but it would be nice to get surgery some day

14. How long have you been out?

it’s been about a year and two months now...... time flies

15. What labels have you used before you’ve settled on your current set?

up until I was like 17 I was incredibly insistent on being cis and straight despite very obvious (in retrospect) signs to the contrary. around 18 I was very confused why all my friends were lgbt in some form and also I kinda started realizing I don’t mind dick, and I thought it would all make sense if I was bi. I identified as cis and bi for like 4 years or so but the longer it went on the more wrong it felt considering I had never once during that time been attracted to a man

16. Have you ever experienced transphobia?

surprisingly not really? the most transphobia I’ve experienced has been a result of automated processes like proctored testing or emails. of course, I’ve seen all the nasty shit that terfs say about people like me, but I’ve never been a victim of it directly

17. What do you do when you have to go to the bathroom in public?

if there is a universal restroom that I can lock from inside then I use that. if not, I sigh dramatically and sadly use the men’s room

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?

truthfully I don’t know. my mom seems accepting enough, but with the pandemic going on I haven’t talked to her much. I know my sister is aware, and shockingly she seems supportive too, but we haven’t talked about it in depth

19. Would you ever go stealth, and if you are stealth, why do you choose to be stealth?

if I could go stealth I would. I’m sorry but I don’t want to be visibly trans

20. What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans?

the sooner you start transitioning the happier you’ll be. by denying this part of yourself you’re just making yourself miserable

21. Why do you use the pronouns you use?

she/her makes me happiest. I’ve (against my will, mind you) used they/them and been called molsno in a group that I wasn’t out in, and..... it made me feel..... distant, I guess? it was better than he/him, but it felt much less personal

22. Do your neurodivergencies and/or disabilities affect your gender?

I mean...... yeah? as a trans lesbian it’s very easy for me to hate masculinity given how it’s instilled nothing but negative feelings in me literally my entire life, and being autistic makes it harder to understand how the things I say about gender negatively impact the people around me

23. What’s your biggest trans-related fear?

the fear that I may never be able to believe I can be loved as a woman, probably

24. What medical, social, or personal steps have you already taken to start your transition?

coming out nearly everywhere and getting on hrt!

25. What do you wish cis people understood?

I desperately wish cis people understood even the basics of trans issues. still to this day many cis people don’t even know the right terminology to use for trans people. they think “trans man” and “trans woman” mean the opposite of what they actually mean and that’s just so goddamn frustrating. many of them think transitioning is just bottom surgery and that’s it. like, they don’t know anything about hrt. cis people please educate yourselves on trans issues I’m begging you

26. What impact has being trans had on your life?

it’s affected many aspects of my life but I think the biggest one is that I feel like a person now. I always felt like a robot, or like someone putting on a performance before, but I feel like a human being now

27. What do you do to validate yourself?

ummm... not much really. I guess one thing that has helped is making my character astrid trans? because if I ever think something bad about myself I can stop myself and ask if I would think the same thing about her, and of course the answer is no.

28. How do you feel about trans representation in media?

it’s bad. trans women very rarely get any positive representation. like the only transfem characters that come to mind that I think were handled well were lily hoshikawa from zombieland saga and vivian from paper mario (although even that’s debatable given the english censorship about her gender and the way beldam abuses her in japanese). meanwhile nonbinary representation consists almost exclusively of aliens, shapeshifters, robots, etc. and trans men get literally nothing. like. trans representation is just so abysmal it’s not even funny

29. Who is your favorite trans celebrity?

umm....... I don’t really care about celebrities lol. if I were to answer this question it would be “oh yes I’ve heard of these people”

30. Who is the transgender person who has influenced you the most?

gosh, how could I ever decide? most of my friends are trans so it’s hard to say but if I had to answer.... my friends kyra and modeus were probably the most helpful when I was figuring myself out

31. How are you involved with the trans community, IRL or online?

mostly online

32. How do you see yourself identifying and presenting in 5 years?

I’ll almost certainly still be a woman, and hopefully my transition will have gone well enough that I’ll be able to pass

33. What trans issue are you most passionate about?

healthcare. the difficulty so many people face with getting access to trans healthcare is ridiculous and discriminatory. I’ve written essays for school about this topic and they were the easiest essays I’ve had to write because of how passionate I am about this

34. What advice would you give to other trans people, or what message would you like to share with them?

pick your head up queen/king/royal, your cat ears are falling down

35. How do you feel your gender interacts with your race, disability, class, weight, etc. from the perspective of intersectionality?

well I’m white, able bodied, average weight, and I’m about to get a degree in computer science, so I have a lot of privilege that other trans people don’t have. I fully recognize that. it breaks my heart that so many less privileged trans people, particularly trans women of color, are murdered and never even get the justice they deserve. I wish there was more I could do to stop it, but privileged as I am, I’m only one person. I want everyone to be aware of who the major victims of transphobia are. look out for black trans women especially, they need your protection and support most of all

36. What, if any, is the difference between your gender identity and your gender expression?

not much. I’m a woman with a very feminine gender expression, when I’m free to be. the biggest feminine thing that I don’t do is makeup, but that’s more due to dysphoria rather than a distaste for it

37. Do you feel more masculine, feminine, or neither?

feminine uwu

38. What is your sexual and romantic orientation, and what are your thoughts on it?

I am a lesbian and that is very epic of me. I love girls and seeing girls in love makes me happy and imagining myself as a girl in love with another girl makes me even happier

39. Is your ideal partner also trans, or do you not have a preference?

I always hate admitting this, but due to personal reasons, my ideal partner is cis. this is mostly because I very much want to have biological children, and that’s simply not possible with another trans woman. I wouldn’t rule out an afab nonbinary person entirely, it just really depends on how comfortable said person is with femininity and also how they feel about dating a lesbian. if not for my desire to have kids (which is not something I’m willing to compromise on since it has been my lifelong dream) I would have a lot more options. truth be told, cis women kind of scare me, and it would be so much easier to date someone who fundamentally understands what it’s like to be trans. but biology is cruel unfortunately

40. How did/do you manage waiting to transition?

it was incredibly difficult. thankfully, it didn’t last very long. I only had to wait about 6 months, and most of that time was spent waiting until I was able to bank sperm because I didn’t want to risk becoming permanently infertile after starting hrt

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

ngl...... reddit. the trans boards have many, many helpful resources for transfem people. I don’t really go there anymore but it was immensely helpful in the early stages

42. Do you interact with other trans people IRL?

I mean..... yeah, but not very much anymore on account of the pandemic. I made a few trans friends junior year of college and we still talk occasionally, but it’s been several months since I last saw them all

43. Are you involved in any trans-related activism?

not really 😔

44. Free space! Answer any question you want, or make up your own question to answer.

“Wow Vivi how come you’re so epic?”

I was born this way <3

[justalittlehoneybee]

The Hobbit & Lotr Ship please, if they're still open? I'm a Neurodivergent Bisexual Girl and a wandering Artist who draws, writes and does Digital Painting. I've been told that I'm very intelligent and creative, but I'm often so nervous and introverted that I end up isolating myself a bit, so any potential suitors might have to be really dedicated to getting to know me better. But once you do know me, I have interesting things to say. I'm 4' 11", and my aesthetic is Chaotic Academia. Thanks!

I ship you with Ori from the hobbit!

Awww I love you two together !! You two are just some softies that love eachother!! You and him met on the quest to reclaim erebor. You often are sitting next to him and bashfully talking about something with him. He thinks you are the most beautiful being in the world but he’s way too shy to tell you and you think he’s just the kindest and most adorable but you are too shy too. It takes some of the other members of the company to nudge you two together finally. You are definitely everyone’s OTP and the company just loves seeing you two together! You two are the ‘babies’ of the company and the company will protect you two 24/7. Ori and you share your art with eachother while sitting by the fire, sharing a blanket. Since you two are the scribes of the company, you two also share your writings. You guys have a million inside jokes with eachother about anything and everything (mainly about the other members of the company). Dori and Nori treat you like a sister and they think you are a good match for Ori. But all in all you two are just the most wholesome couple in the world and deserve the world. :))

And Arwen from Lotr!

Sooo you two met in Rivendell! You had traveled there after you heard of its great beauty and how incredible it would be to do paintings there. So you grabbed your art supplies and set out. When you arrived you were starstruck. Everything was as beautiful as people had said but them most beautiful thing to you was the elves. And a certain elf *wink wink* stood out to you the most. Arwen was on a terrace looking over Rivendell and you walked in with your head down focused on you sketches. You bumped into her and dropped your stuff. You two immediately apologize and bent down to pick it up. When you two looked up and made eye contact you guys froze. Your eyes met hers and the world stopped. She smiled a little and you blushed. After that she shows you around Rivendell and tells you the best places to do art and to just sit and relax. She loves to watch you paint and admire your skill. You guys were courting for a long time until you got on one knee and asked for her hand in marriage. Your guys love is so strong and so true!

I am incredibly sorry for the wait! I had this in my drafts to finish and just kept forgetting! I’m so so so so sorry love! But I hope you enjoy ❤︎