#sorry for another diary entry post

[battlecriesandroses]

thank you so much fictional crush what would i do without you

[fredwkong]

Alphaworld File 3: Diary of an Alpha Transformation (1 of ?)

Click here to read Alphaworld in posting order.

X

An undated journal. It is heavily bedazzled on the covers, though many of the gems appear to have been scraped off or stepped on. There are several stains yellowing the coloured paper of the cover, mostly sweat.

Inside the front cover, there is a space where the owner is encouraged to write their name. Two names occupy the space, one on top of the other. The lower layer is written with a purple marker, neatly spelling the name “Ronaldo Herrera.” There are multicoloured sparkles drawn around the name, and glitter has been sprinkled over it. Some of the glitter appears to have been scraped off with a knife, and there is a 3 centimetre tear at the top interior of the page, as if someone was about to rip it out. On top of the first name, the name “RONNIE H” is scrawled in crude capitals using a pencil. The pencil was applied with sufficient force that graphite scrapes are visible from where they were brushed off the page.

Journal entries flow into each other without dating, but editors have split entries based on context and labelled them “Day One, Day Two, Day Three…” despite the fact that more than one day clearly proceeds between some entries. From this point onward, journal entries are transliterated directly, with marginalia and other notes on the text rendered in square brackets [] to distinguish them from the main body.

[Day One]

OMG, I’m soooo happy to be back on campus! Staying with my parents is such a bore! They don’t let me stream any of my shows, they say drag race is of the devil, and the town is so small that I’m, like, the only twink there. I can’t even get any dl dick all holiday because country guys are all totally masc for masc. My hole is toooootally desperate.

I’m so happy that Ollie across the hall got me this journal! He made it look soooo cute with all the stones! He’s, like, okay for a fellow bottom, even tho his massive crush on me is, like, totally obvious. Sorry babe, this dick is for decoration only lmao! Maybe we could get tag teamed by a big dick boy sometime, that’d be pretty hot. I've never bottomed alongside a transmasc dude.

Anyway, I just stopped at the dorm to drop off my suitcase and get out of my het drag, there’s a whole lotta frat parties starting tonight and if I wanna end my dry spell I’ve gotta be there! I just had to live my Sex and the City fantasy by putting down a few lines in the diary first!

[a doodle of an open-faced journal with scribbly lines on the page in rainbow colours]

[Day Two]

ZOMGGGGGGG [written in double-tall bubble letters across a quarter of the page, filled in with pink highlighter]

This term is gonna be SO AWESOME.

Campus is suddenly full of massive muscle men who are totally desperate for me! I was, like, totally the target of a dominance contest at the party last night, and it was SO HOT.

So I walk in, right? And I’m dressed in my usual, my lil slutty crop and my littlest shorts. Here, I took a pic before I left so you can see how cute I was.

Anyway, I’m cute, I’m obvious, I’m ready to have any guy absolutely wreck me. Like, last night, I would have taken a bicurious frat bro fucking me raw, my hole was so neglected. So I am a blaring neon sign: I’M A FAG [written in rainbow marker colours]

And as soon as I walk in, this GOD [a doodle of a massive man is in the margin, a perfect X shape covered in cartoonishly bulging muscles] comes up to me and is all, “Hey boy, I’m Nate.” He. Is. PERFECT. Gorgeous grey eyes, windswept dirty blond hair, a tank top hugging pecs the size of my HEAD. And his voice gets me tooootally weak in the knees. I can't believe he's LOOKING at lil ol me, even if I do look like a twinky slut.

But before I can even say anything to Nate, there’s another MASSIVE arm draped over my shoulder, and ANOTHER massive guy is whispering in my ear, like, “Name’s Lee. Want a drink?” I look over, and he’s just as hot as Nate, with shiny black hair and this perfect sexy smile like a J-pop star. But, like, if a J-pop star was 250 pounds of pure muscle and sex.

I swear all the air went out of the room. Suddenly, Nate and Lee were glaring at each other over me, and all these frat bros were staring.

BTW, when did all the frat bros get so cuuuute? Like, not as sexy as Nate and Lee, but they’re all totally cut this term and I think they’ve got some skincare going? Like I wanna go back sometime lmao.

Lee, like, GROWLED as he glared across me. I felt a li-ter-al rumble from his chest. Nate started totally flexing his big pecs, I thought his shirt was gonna shred in the middle. They didn’t even SAY anything, it was so totally primal. I think I got a whiff of Lee as he tucked me closer to his chest, and I realised he totally doesn’t use deodorant. He smelled totally HAWT.

Anyway, I have two perfect men fighting over me, and I’m not letting either of them go, so I go, “Boys, I promise my holes are big enough to share.” I totes flashed my dimples at them. [doodle of a smiley face]

They kept glaring at each other, but finally Lee was like, “I get his hole.” Maybe he, like, won the contest or whatever? Because Nate looked down at the floor and said, “Fine.” And I mean, fine with me! I love getting stuffed from both ends! What a way to come back from vacay!

We didn’t stay at the party long, just long enough for Lee to get me a drink and Nate to carry me around the dance floor a bit. I checked on Lee while we were dancing, and he was, like, totally making out with one of the frat bros. Like, a guy I knew was straight. I blew him freshman year when his gf was away. I guess Lee’s just like that, lmao.

We ended up upstairs. I think Lee’s in the frat? But we weren’t in his room, which was kinda hot. Lee and Nate sandwiched me between them as soon as we were through the door. I was tooootally surrounded by massive muscle as Nate made out with me and Lee sucked on my neck. I felt, like, high, with Nate’s big cock grinding into my belly through his jeans while Lee felt up my cute ass.

“You guys kissing would be so hot,” I gasped as Nate pulled off my shirt and Lee took off my shorts.

They both hesitated, I could feel it. “Oh c’mon,” I moaned, “you’re both tooootally hot, and you haven’t touched at allllll.”

Suddenly, Lee picked me up and threw me on a random frat bro’s bed. “I guess your mouth IS gonna be busy,” he said, which was SOOO hot, and then he started slicking up my hole.

Pretty soon, both hunks were balls deep in me. They were SOOOOOO big [doodles of massive, soft cocks cover the margins of this page] and I took ALL of them. Lee filled me up SO good, rubbing my prostate like he was fingering me. And Nate tasted, like, perfect. And the whole time, Nate kept pulling back just far enough that I could watch him and Lee kissing over me.

FUCK, they made me look like a little doll between them! I think once they were in me, all the dominance stuff went away, because they were TOTALLY making out. Nate’s, like, SO noisy, and Lee kept on doing that growl thing like he’d done before, which made me moan around Nate’s cock, which made him even noisier.

I came handsfree right before Lee flooded my ass and Nate filled my mouth with cum.

By the time our clothes were back on, Lee and Nate were back to playing their weird dick measuring game, keeping me between them as we went back to the party. I think Nate left pretty soon, but I danced for a bit longer and made out with a few frat bros. They really ARE super cute now, and they all seemed totally into me. Guess they finally got over being raging fucking homophobes lmao.

Anyway, I got home and crashed as soon as I’d cleaned all the cum and sweat off. Now my hand’s all crampy from writing for so long lol. Oooh, I should go tell Ollie all about it!

[Day Three]

I was, like, SO right.

The last few days have been AWESOME!!!! [jagged star doodles all around the word] I swear there are soooo many hunks on campus all of a sudden! One of my profs this term is a tooootal musclestud.

So I’m taking this class on fashion history, and when I looked it up, this Prof. Romano guy was listed for it. He was cute, one of those cute tweed aesthetic guys. You know, a fag who studies fashion. Like, OMG, that picture must be SO OLD.

I show up for class all ready to sit in the back row, but then I see this MAN standing at the podium. Like, total Italian stallion, with the dark waves and the stubbly jaw. He was, like, BURSTING out of his blazer. I could watch his pec bounce through three layers of fabric.

So obv I run down and sit in the front row. I’m not the first fag to have the idea, there’s already like 3 other twinks down there, but I’m totally the cutest. As the rest of the class comes in and sits down, these two GORGEOUS boys walk in and go up to the prof. They’re totally shredded, and dressed in complementary button-ups. And the muscle-god prof pats each of them on the head! Then they go sit down in some chairs behind the podium, and I can see their boners in their cute slacks.

The prof clears his throat, and it’s this DEEP, RESONANT sound. I got a total eargasm just listening to the rumble. “Good morning, class,” he says. And then his next words are TOTALLY burned into my brain:

[written in shaky block letters across a whole page] “You will call me Alpha Mario.”

And then he says, “I am your professor, and I will see you all for extra credit,” while rubbing himself through his pants, like half the class isn’t ready to have his babies. My cock was ROCK FUCKING HARD in my jeans. [doodle of a leaking penis]

He introduces his TAs as Beta Max and Beta Owen. IDK, maybe it’s a kink thing? He’s clearly their dom or something, they were totally devoted to him all class. I’d happily be Alpha Mario’s Beta if he’s hiring, lmao! [hearts are doodled around “Alpha Mario”]

Anyway, that’s just one ep in the PORN SHOW that is my life these days! Ollie’s room has been, like, a revolving door of cock since we got back, and I usually take two or three loads a day out on campus. This group of straight computer science geeks actually begged to fuck me yesterday, so I was dripping all the way home.

They were surprisingly buff for nerds, too! I should point out to Ollie that we gotta hit the gym if we wanna keep up with all the boys on campus this term. Can you imagine? Us at the gym! [The rest of the page is covered in stickers of the laughing emoji]

[Day Four]

Went to the gym today! Not to workout, but I had this new outfit idea and I thought it might get me noticed if I just hung out in the locker room. OH BOY, was I right!

Last few days all my clothes have been feeling super tight, so I’ve been doing a lot of [scribbled in rainbow marker] SHOPPING. It’s too bad, all my old clothes were suuuuper cute, but I’ve started giving some of my old faves to repeat fuckbuddies. One of the guys who used to push me around for being faggy, this guy called Brendan, has been coming over for the last few nights. I never realised how cute he is before!

Anyway, the first night Brendan came over he throatfucked me, but last night he told me he really wanted to feel my fingers in his hole, so I started fingering him! It was soooo hot that my cock ended up totally hard and before I knew it HE was blowing ME while I rubbed his prostate. He’s been texting me all day, begging to service my cock again. Lol, he just sent a voice message all like, “Please, Ronaldo, I’ll do anything to make you cum again!”

My point is I gave him a pair of my old booty shorts. They fit him perfectly, even though he NEVER had an ass as nice as mine before. He’s been wearing them all day today, just like I told him. It’s so hot, knowing he’s showing off like a fag even though he used to be a straight homophobe.

Fuck, I was writing about MY clothes! I’ve been so distracted by hot beta boys the last few days. I thought it was kinda time to change up my style, plus I looked super hot trying on some more dude-type clothes, so here’s the pic of me I took while I was hanging out at the gym.

I had guys HANGING OFF OF ME after a few minutes. It was totally hot, they wanted to do anything I said. Before long, I had a bunch of hot guys kissing me all over and all the cocks I could want to suck. Guys kept running out to grab their hot friends to join us, and all these guys were focussed on me.

At one point one of the staff came in, and I could tell it was to tell us to stop. He was a cute guy, really filled out his work polo, you know how gyms always hire swole dudes and curvy gurls to work at the front desk. I just gave him this LOOK from the middle of my pile of dudes, and I could feel his straightness melt away as his cock started leaking in his preppy shorts.

But just as I was about to cum, my cap got ripped off my head and I was dragged out of the pile by Nate, the guy from that frat party. I swear, he got even BIGGER since last time, he held me up by my shoulders like I was a paperweight. He was totally growling at me, too. He said something like, “I hate when they’re half done,” whatever that means, and then he yelled at all the other boys to get back to work.

Once we were along in the locker room, Nate shook me like a doll. “All the ex-het Betas can treat my gym as neutral ground, but it’s MY territory to you and the other half-done Alphas, you got it?” [note: Alpha and Beta are capitalised in the original text, although Ronnie does not seem to have been aware of the Alpha Phenomenon]

I was like “What are you talking about?”

Nate said, “You’ll get it.” Then I started smelling this INCREDIBLE smell. It was like really sharp cedar cologne mixed with fresh sweat. There was something else too, and it made me feel totally out of it.

Next thing I knew, I was on my knees swallowing Nate’s cock again. “Yeah,” he was saying while he fucked my throat, “this’ll speed you up. You’ll probably never submit again after this, so I’m gonna enjoy it.”

I just stayed there, taking him all the way into my throat. I feel like a week ago it would’ve been totally hot, but today it felt different. Nate using me made me MAD [underlined several times]. I felt like I should do something about it, like punch him or steal one of his boys, but the smell coming off of him kept me docile.

Nate came really quietly, which made me madder. My throat is an incredible tool, okay? Any guy should be screaming when I blow him, especially a noisy top like Nate. Then he patted me on the head like I was a little boy and said, “Head home. Drop a load in that guy who lives across from you, he should be progressing well too.” Then he just. Walked away.

I was gonna stay here all night just to spite the asshole, but I’m super horny again and I don’t wanna go back out. Maybe I’ll go see if Ollie’s got any visitors tonight or if he wants me to fill his holes for him.

[Day Five]

[From this point, entries are written in a noticeably heavier hand. Lowercase Es and Os become jagged.] Fuck, last night was fucking awesome. I knocked on Ollie’s door, and he answered in nothing but a thong, showing his bottom growth right through the fabric. His legs have been getting so hairy and thick, he looked super slutty. Plus his room smelled like sex and cum. I’ve been sleeping out, but seems like Ollie’s been taking house calls.

“Ronaldo?” he said, blinking up at me in surprise. I think we used to be a matching pair of little twinks, but guess I’ve had a growth spurt.

I shoved through the door. What was he gonna do, stop me? I was like, “Where’s your lube?” It came out of my mouth so deep, in a crazy manly register. “I wanna finger you.”

Ollie fuckin’ moaned when I said that, and stumbled over to his night table to grab it. He keeps his lube right out in the open, proud of how much cock he takes. I was already dropping my jeans, my cock was getting super hard and I hate feeling it strain. It deserves to be seen anyway.

Once I grabbed Ollie’s lube, he stood against the wall and presented his ass for me. Fuck, just remembering the look of all that hair on his fat ass is making me leak again. Okay I jerked a bit, should be able to write. [there is a stain on the page here]

Ollie’s hole was still loose from his last dick appointment, so I pushed three fingers in nice and easy. Ollie was moaning, all, “When did your fingers get so thick,” and “What’s happening to us, Ronaldo?” so I roughed up his G-spot a bit until he wasn’t being so articulate anymore.

“What’s happening to us is we’re gonna rule this school,” I hissed at him. I’d realised that it wasn’t gonna be enough to finger him and make him blow me. I needed to shoot inside his ass right fucking now. “Fags are in fucking charge here now.”

Fuck, wait, I need to text Brendan and get him over here. I need him milking my cock so I can focus on writing.

[There are several crude doodles of dicks, asses, and cum splatters in various marker colours before the entry continues on the facing page]

So anyway I slammed Ollie against the wall and shoved my cock into him. My cock’s so much fucking bigger now, too. Like it’s really filling up Brendan’s mouth while he sucks on me. I had enough cock to really saw at Ollie's asshole, and I felt him cum handsfree onto the wall.

“That’s it,” I growled in his ear as I had to hold him up. “This is what you’ve wanted ever since we became neighbours, right? Ollie wanted to get Ronnie’s big alpha dick in his hole.” It felt good to call myself a

[in massive letters on its own line] ALPHA

Ollie didn’t really say words at that point, just lots of “Yes” and “More.” I could hear his voice getting deeper with every thrust, too.

By the time I was getting close, Ollie’s room reeked like ME. It wasn’t a bad smell, but I knew any boy who came in here would be able to tell that all this musk and spice wasn’t just Ollie. It would take weeks for this to be really Ollie’s territory again now that I had marked it. “Fuck, show me that man pussy,” I ordered him, and threw him down in his bed.

Switching holes felt like the most natural thing in the world. I’m fucking built for topping, I can’t believe I thought I hated it. I fucked Ollie through a couple more orgasms and then let myself fill up his man pussy with what felt like 3 loads.

I fell asleep still inside him.

FUCK. I just came in Brendan’s mouth, and it felt totally different. Like, I marked Ollie’s room, but I didn’t mark HIM. His holes are open for anyone to fill. He can own other boys for all I care. But Brendan? Brendan’s fucking MINE. He’s mine he’s mine he’s mine. MY Brendan. [scribbled hastily] I need his hole NOW.

[written later]

I took a pic of Ollie before I started fingering him. I bet he looks totally different now, like me. Gotta go, MY Brendan’s gonna show me how to do a gym session.

To Be Continued...

[cannedpickledpeaches]

Insert Your Name (11)

Mafia!Jade Leech x Mafia!Reader

Link to series masterlist!

Notes and TW: Congratulations! You have successfully made it all about you (positive). This series will have mentions of blood, violence, crime (kidnapping, attempted assassination, extortion), and harassment, as one might expect from a mafia AU. Please enjoy!

Sorry that the tags haven't been working for the past couple of posts! I had to go in and edit the html for each individual one T-T please forgive me

Tags: @guava-enjoyer @itszzmoon @twstsandturns @myteacupisempty @rou-luxe @chikitasmol @night-shadowblood-writes2 @haveneulalie @owodi

A strange sense of satisfaction fills you as surprise fills the man’s face, but you don’t show it. You need to see this through. If you’re powerless in the face of his ability, you simply need to borrow his power. So what if he’s akin to a god? All you need to do is bring him to your side. Whoever that author is, whoever took over (Y/N)’s body—maybe they aren’t capable of using such an asset effectively. However, you’re confident you won’t let that advantage go to waste.

The man hums in thought. “I suppose it could be done without much fanfare. I would simply need to shift my attention to your experiences and abandon the current story. However, you would need to have your story recorded somewhere, in whatever form you may wish for it to take.”

You understand what he’s getting at. A story needs a medium, just like that manuscript. There are many options: on film, as a novel, as a collage of pictures. No strict rules exist for expression of self.

“I’ll keep a journal. Every day, I’ll write an entry, and I’ll also use it as a planner. This way, my ‘story’ will have the events that occurred in my life, how they affected my ‘character development,’ and also outline how I expect the story to ‘progress.’ Is that good enough?”

You still don’t think of yourself as a fictional character. You’re real, in every aspect, to yourself. But that doesn’t matter right now. Functionally, you’re a character to this man. You’ll use that assumption to put yourself in the most advantageous position.

“Yes, that would be a rather interesting way to tell your story. There are indeed many stories that were written in the form of diary entries, so this is not an issue at all. This would, in fact, make things easier for me. I would not have to go through the paperwork and expend energy to bring someone from another world since you already exist in Twisted Wonderland as an established character. There is just one thing you should know before you make this decision.”

“Tell me.” Of course there are strings attached. There always are. You prepare yourself. Self-sacrifice in small amounts is necessary, of course, but if there’s anything you can negotiate with . . . .

“I will have to take the previous author’s soul out of (Y/N)’s body. (Y/N)’s soul will regain control of her own body, since it was never removed, only dormant. Since the author’s original body cannot function without a soul, she cannot return to her world. It will disappear, never to be recovered, lost to the fabric of what forms this space. Are you still willing to proceed?”

“Is that it?” You expected something else. This has nothing to do with you giving up anything. In fact, it could even be considered a bonus. This woman whose story made your life and relationships exceedingly difficult will disappear down to the traces of her soul. It’s an easy decision. “Of course.”

“How cold-hearted you are.” He chuckles down at his teacup. It never seems to drain empty no matter how he sips it. “That is not an undesirable quality in protagonists, although they often do not have a happy ending in fairytales.”

“Is that supposed to deter me or something?” You stay resolute. “My future was always uncertain no matter if it’s a story or not. I’m in the mafia. I’ve come to terms that horrible things could happen at any moment because of the nature of my job a long, long time ago. It’s my responsibility to plan so that I reduce those chances as much as possible. And you’re going to help me.”

“Yes, I am.” He glances at the fireplace, which has burned down to glowing red embers. “Perhaps you should count yourself lucky that you are under my jurisdiction. I am partial to tragic endings, but I also do not mind if an amoral character triumphs in the end. Some of my peers would adamantly ensure it does not happen.”

You furrow your brows. This is not the first time he brought up something being under his “jurisdiction.” However, this is the first time he’s mentioned “peers” instead of “characters.”

“There are others like you?”

“Yes, of course. Twisted Wonderland is filled with too many stories for me to manage on my own. Since you are mainly involved with the Leech Mafia and stories of the Coral Sea, you fall under my jurisdiction.”

It makes sense. This man compared himself to a god, but he isn’t one. He isn’t omnipotent or omniscient.

“Who are they?”

He tilts his head. “You would not know us even if I told you.”

“I’m curious. Tell me anyway.”

“Such a curious character.” He glances at the embers again. “Alright, I see no harm in it. My peers overseeing Twisted Wonderland include Walt Disney, the Brothers Grimm, Hanna Diyab, Victor Hugo, and Lewis Carroll, among others.”

None of these names ring a bell. It is just a list of names, but having more information is never a bad thing.

“And your name? I should know how to address you.”

“Oh, I have not yet introduced myself to you? My apologies, I must be turning forgetful in my old age.” He laughs at himself in a good-natured manner. “My name is Hans Christian Anderson. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

You introduce yourself as well. He extends a hand to you. When your hands connect in a firm handshake, the new deal you’ve made feels solidified.

Anderson looks at the fireplace one more time. The light has died completely, the little room lit only by the moonlight pouring in the window. With a gentle but decisive clap of his hands, he stands from his armchair.

“That was a fruitful discussion, and I thank you for your patience and understanding. I fear time has run out, however, and so I will be sending you back shortly. I’ll place you right back where you came from: at the moment when I brought you here.”

“Hold on!” Too soon, too sudden. You still have so much to say. He holds up a hand, stopping your protests.

“If you’d like to communicate with me, simply write a request for it in your new journal. I wish you best of luck.”

And with that, the world goes white again.

This is the story of a girl whose name is no longer hers. A girl so common that she may as well be a faceless background character in another person’s story. A girl who wishes, more than anything, to be the protagonist of a love story that will sweep her off her feet and solve all her problems.

Her family is normal. Her friends, too. And so is she. It isn’t enough for her. The world inside that game she plays is so magical, so whimsical, so perfect. The characters are handsome, powerful, clever, funny, or rich, or some combination of those qualities. If she enters this world, surely all those wonderful characters would treat her as someone special. They’d love and revere her unconditionally. She pines for a man who would love her and her shortcomings in their entirety, no matter what she does.

The beauty about fictional characters is that because they are fictional, they can be whatever she wants them to be. She can wholeheartedly believe they’ll love her, and there is nothing wrong with that. But she isn’t satisfied with that alone. It needs to be real.

Desperately, she writes a story revolving around a faceless, flawless main character who she desperately wishes she could be. Everyday, the writing consumes her, dragging her into a fantasy of bliss. She begins to resent her reality. Nobody in real life will love her the correct way. Nobody can be as good as the characters she pours her love and headcanons on. She doesn’t consider how love can be gradual, nor does realize someone might have to get to know her before loving her. After all, in her fanfiction, the perfect mafioso loves her main character upon the first meeting and devotes himself with no questions asked. Isn’t that the ideal love?

One day, a miracle occurs. She meets a man who offers to make her story into her reality. Jumping on the chance to live her perfectly crafted life of happiness, she agrees. Finally. Finally, she will be loved the way she wants.

At first, everything went perfectly. Real life follows her fanfiction to the letter. Jade is charming, Floyd is endearing, and a string of coincidences leads her to meet Vil, another handsome bachelor. Love surrounds her at every turn. All she needs in this life are the handsome men who give her special treatment. After all, this body, this life—(Y/N)—was created by her, for her use. All of the previous relationships this body entertained no longer matter. They aren’t hers, anyway.

The polaroids that occupied her nightstand are probably in a landfill somewhere. The aesthetic was cute, befitting the tastes of a character she modelled after herself, but the person in them is irrelevant. Some side character she’s never going to see again. No matter; she’ll eventually replace those polaroids with cute photos of herself and her new love. (Y/N)—no, the placeholder—has served its purpose. It will not miss those useless decorations since it will never again have its own consciousness.

So where did it all go wrong? Perhaps it was wrong from the start. She should have cursed that old man for scamming her. Her happy ending was never a guarantee. How dare a throwaway side character upend her perfect, fairy tale ending? Is that even allowed? They’re all just characters anyway. How can they steal from a real person?

Until the very end, she couldn’t see anyone around her as anything other than characters in a story. Maybe if she did, she might have gotten the love she wanted. Now, she disappears, having never achieved the goal she so desperately grasped at. Like seafoam, her hopes and yearning for love bubbles and disappears.

Hans Christian Anderson places a book into an empty spot on one of his many shelves. He has always been fond of tragedies. As for this new story that’s unfolding . . . who’s to say how it will end? He’s a patient man. With a smile, he settles into an armchair and sips from a cup of tea. He’s looking forward to it. When it eventually ends, like all stories inevitably do, he’ll shelve it and find another story to bring to life.

The world suddenly flashes into focus. The sun’s dying embers flicker on the sea. Sand shifts between your toes. Fingers graze your neck. Before you can activate your Signature Spell, (Y/N) crashes into you and you both topple over into a bed of sand. Bloodlust raises the hairs on the back of your neck. But it isn’t coming from (Y/N). Instead, you instinctively wrap one arm around her and hold the other one out in front of you, shielding her from Jade.

“Wait, wait! Jade, it’s fine. I’m okay.”

He freezes. One of his hands stops a centimeter away from (Y/N)’s hair. She doesn’t react. Slowly, you lay back down, heaving a sigh. You shift her face to the side so that she doesn’t suffocate in your shoulder. Her eyelashes flutter against her cheekbones, complementing the slow rise and fall of her ribs.

“See? She’s asleep.”

Jade furrows his brows. “I fail to understand. Most importantly, are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah.” You chuckle, staring up at the stars that unveil themselves in the darkening sky. “I’m just a little tired.”

You explain everything to him. He seems skeptical, but eventually, he accepts it. He sits in the sand next to you, his hand covering yours. You pretend not to notice, but it offers a soothing calm to your exhausted mind.

“I’m sorry,” you say, glancing at his side profile. “Even if I write that Vil Schoenheit will cure your parents, it might not happen because of continuity issues. Maybe (Y/N) will still be able to convince him.”

“That’s alright.” He catches your gaze. “It would make the story progress more smoothly if we continue with our talks with Walrus.”

He accepted it so quickly. For that matter, so did you. You wonder briefly if there is something at play that makes you accept the reality of your situation as fact—if it’s because you’re a character after all—but that’s all speculation. Not worth your time and energy to figure out.

“Bottom line is, this is my story now. So I’ll make sure the curse on your parents is dispelled.”

“How reliable.” Jade gives you a gentle smile, one that causes an unfamiliar stirring in your chest. “Thank you. What would you like in recompense?”

You weren’t expecting him to offer anything at all. But since he offered, you aren’t one to refuse.

“Money.”

His quiet laughter blends in with the sound of rushing waves.

“No hesitation at all, I see. Of course, I will pay you adequately for your invaluable help.”

“I also want something else.” You fiddle with the strands of (Y/N)’s hair. “I’d like a vacation. Just a week or two after everything settles down so I can go back to my hometown with my mom.”

“Is that what the money is for?”

“Yeah.” Your heart feels a little lighter. “You should visit the Coral Sea after your parents wake up as well. I’m sure you’ll want to spend time with them.”

A pause. You scrutinize Jade’s expression in the low light, but his expression is wholly unfamiliar to you. He almost looks . . . nervous.

“Would you come with us?”

You blink. “Don’t you want to spend time with just your family?”

“Yes, but my parents would be delighted to have you over again. You have not been to our home under the sea in a long time, and I would be more than happy to show you around again.”

“It won’t be a bother?”

“Far from it.” His thumb rubs softly against the back of your hand. “I . . . We are very fond of you.”

You can’t help but think there’s an ulterior motive, but you accept. This wouldn’t be the first time you’ve travelled to their home under the sea, and this most likely won’t be the last.

Suddenly, (Y/N) shifts on your chest. A soft noise escapes her lips as though she’s finally awakened from a long nap. Her bleary eyes find yours. Kind, lovely, and gentle eyes. The eyes of the (Y/N) you know and love, the eyes of your friend.

“Huh? Are we on the beach? What happened?”

A relieved laugh bubbles out of your throat and you hug her tightly. Confused but sweet, she reciprocates with reassuring pats to your arm.

“Yeah, we’re on the beach. Let’s get you home.” You sit up and smile as she fusses over the sand in your hair. Normalcy is slowly but surely returning. “I’ll tell you everything on the way there.”

[sidusvenari]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤVAMPIRE .. !

where you made a real big mistake, but Miles made the worst one look fine.

inspired by Oliva Rodrigo lyrics.

pairing: e42!aged up!Miles x reader

genre: angst, no comfort.

warnings: infidelity, both of them are 19, cursing, Miles being toxic

a.n: hi guys! i haven't posted day 2 of my writing challenge so here it is! i'll post twice today to make up to it, and i'm already working on it! love y'all, enjoy! xoxo.

taglist form

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤPLEASE CONSIDER REBBLOGING!

you hadn't heard from Miles in days. sick worried, you had talked to all of his friends, and all of them would just shrug you off, and you knew something was wrong. you knew that it wasn't exam season at college, so why was he avoiding you? leaving you on delivered every day, not answering your calls, nothing. it was like you never met each other. until you got a text from an unknown number: a picture of Miles kissing another girl. the one girl that would always say how cute you two were together, the one girl that Miles told you not to worry about. you just couldn't believe that, after all of that you've done for him, you ended up being the fool. you texted him that same day.

you: we gotta talk.

mi vida <3: im omw

you: bet.

(delivered at 3pm)

he showed up at your window in his prowler suit at 2AM while you were writing your daily diary entry.

"hey." he called, making you look up from your notebook. "you good?"

"yeah, i'm good."

he looked at you, and you could see that he wanted to tell you something. you knew him better than he did, and that was the worst part of it.

"spill it."

"i… i fucked up, ma."

he mumbled out, and immediately you knew what he was talking about. why he was so distant. why his mother was avoiding you, why even his uncle, who was never even nice to you, asked if you were okay this morning when you ran into him.

"fuck yeah, you did."

"i'm sorry, y/n, i really am-"

"no you're fucking not. don't bullshit me, Miles Gonzales Morales."

"can you listen to me first?"

"no! no, i can't! God, i can't believe how stupid i was."

"ma, you're overreacting."

"am i? am i overreacting when some random number text me a picture of my fucking boyfriend kissing the one girl i was insecure about?"

"it was a one night stand, ma, i made a mistake! i love you!"

"no, Miles, i made a mistake. i made a real big one, and you made it look so fine!" you raised your voice, tears flooding your eyes. "and you can't love anyone, because that would mean you have a fucking heart!"

"c'mon, y/n, you're better than this. bet it was those crazy friends of yours that filled your head with that bullshit."

"don't you open your mouth to talk about them! they warned me! they told me you were bad news and you called them crazy like you did just now! God, i hate the way i called them crazy too…"

you leaned back, covering your face so he wouldn't see you crying. he walked to you, taking your hands and analyzing your face carefully.

"are you done? can i kiss you now?"

you scoffed, pushing him away

"is she better than me?" you mumbled, wiping the tears away.

"what?"

"is she better than me, Miles?

"you can't ask me that-"

"yes or no?"

he was silent, but you felt the energy shift.

"no one is better than you."

"it's incredible how you lie without flinching."

"listen to me-"

"get out of my fucking house."

"woah, who do you think you're talking to?"

"a stranger." you looked into his eyes, and you knew he knew it was over. "i hope you're happy, Miles. i truly do. but we both know that you'll never have another me."

he started to walk away, ego as shattered as your heart.

"thank God for that."

you took the ring out of your finger, placing it on his hands.

"we'll see about that."

you watched as he walked away, giving you one last look before leaving through the window. as you set down on your bed taking the notebook to write that down, you felt your eyes tearing up, and soon teardrops were staining the black ink that covered the pages. you knew that, eventually, Miles would regret that, but it would be too late.

this is so bad, i'm so sorry (⁠-⁠_⁠-⁠;⁠) i hope y'all like it and let me know if you want a part two !! love y'all, xoxo!!

taglist: @elusive-honeydew

edit: I'm working on a part 2 of this one!!!!please lemme know if y'all wanna be tagged!

[olderthannetfic]

I remember you sometimes (on older posts, in my unfortunate quest on trying to find things with Tumblr's *definitely functional* in-blog search feature) mentioning something like a "writer-centric" or a "reader-centric" approach/view to fandom. I was wondering if you would have more in-depth definitions for what those are?

I think I have an idea of what the "writer-centric" view might be (basically 'people can write whatever they want'?), but I have zero ideas what the "reader-centric" view might be.

--

You see it in some of the media analysis about, e.g., "representation" in fanfic:

A lot of people will discuss fic as if it were mainstream media and talk about the needs of the reader for more stories of type X or Y. When X or Y doesn't exist, or isn't common enough, there's a strong sense of blame and that this is a big problem.

It's very BNF ~content creators~ in one box and ~the readers~ in another.

You'll also see this in discussions about tags and labeling where the focus is mostly on "staying safe" or even helping readers find what they want.

Now, yes, I do think that broad trends in what people like to write demonstrate broad societal forces, including bigotry. I essentially just said "Culture affects people". Such insight!

And tags do help readers find what they want...

But a writer-centric view is that labeling is more about aesthetic preference on the author's part. They may do different or more labeling because they want to more actively court readers, or they may pare things down because they find it more in line with their own ideas about how their fic should look.

And when it comes to subject matter, a writer-centric approach is to protect people's right to write whatever. Here, "representation" or justice or whatever is about letting the writer barf out the contents of their brain without getting their stuff deleted. If each writer has an equal shot at that, we're in good shape, ethically, regardless of what their output ends up being.

It's focusing on access to posting rather than access to a stream of media to consume.

--

It boils down to this:

Is fandom about a practice, a hobby that is available for anyone to do?

Or is it about the readers having another stream of media, perhaps a queer one that supplements the not-very-queer mainstream they have to put up with?

You can see why this comes up not only in fandom racism discussions but in every single wank about BL or femslash and how much of a duty we do or don't have to be "realistic", to represent queerness well, to represent specific queerness... There's often a big focus on "Well, but lots of people don't have access to any other queer media!" And... like... sorry? How is that my problem as a writer of fanfic?

--

It goes beyond just "write whatever" into questions of justice and access, but I think that the specific questions of justice and access some people have are disgusting perversions of what fandom is supposed to be and demonstrate that they're shitty leeches who should go find a hobby they actually enjoy practicing instead of shitting on other people's diary entries.

[pandorascripts]

Maybe Y/N scared of telling Wednesday that they like her but she finds out from small little journal entries in your diary that fell from your backpack when you passed her. She liked them back. Then maybe a cute lil' scene of the two laying in bed and talking? Cute kiss maybe :O

Secret Love Notes

summary: Wednesday suspected you to be the Hyde, it seems she missed the mark by a landslide. Thank God for Wednesdays snooping antics.

warnings: nothing, just cute fluff :)

note: this entire idea is adorable. SEND IN MORE REQUESTS! Also, don’t be afraid to requests others too!!! I’m working on some Enid fics. Sorry for slow posts broksis, I have no excuse, just been having writers block a bit. ————————

Ever since the murders started at Nevermore, you’d been… weird. Not just any kind of weird, awkward weird. You’d been avoiding Wednesday at any cost, and because of that, her suspicion on you had been at a high percentage. 

It sucked. That was the only thing Wednesday could say about you being the Hyde. Unfortunately, Wednesday had taken a liking to you, although, she wouldn’t admit it. 

Desperate to confront you after class, Wednesday packed up her things a little before it ended, and simply walked out the door. Ignoring Professor Rinesteen’s arguments and protests, she continued to the west end of Nevermore, where you were currently in Professor Binn’s class of A History to Outcasts. 

Professor Binn’s monotonous voice echoed across the dungeon-like room, lulling ninety percent of his students to sleep. Wednesday flipped open her pocket watch, glaring at the white line that ticked across every second. Two minutes until class went out… one minute… thirty seconds…

The bell rung and Wednesday closed her pocket watch, putting the chain back around her neck, and stared at the flood of students leaving. Most of them had their eyes half-open, others practically tripping over themselves in fatigue. 

Then, her eyes caught a hold of yours. You hair was in a braid, one of which Wednesday would like to congratulate the maker of because it truly was beautiful, and you had a way too large cardigan covering, what Wednesday assumed, were shorts. 

“Y/N,” she called out. 

You took out an earbud, looking around in confusion. 

“Over here.” Wednesday sighed, walking over to you instead, and poked your sleeve. 

You whipped around, panicked. She expected the panic to vanish, but you instead dropped your bag and sprinted Eastbound. 

Wednesday frowned. She knew most people were afraid of her, but they usually just stuck to avoiding her, not dashing away with panic. She reached down, putting books and folders back into your backpack. Wednesdays’s hand reached out for a brown leather notebook, which was perfectly propped open. Knowing she probably shouldn’t have, curiosity killed the cat, and she sat on the floor, flipping through. 

There were dates and doodles surrounding paragraphs of words. It was a journal, she realized. This only increased her curiosity, and so, Wednesday brought it back to her dorm. She decided to use her free hour to snoop, hoping to find something of a confession. 

Shoving the leather journal into her hoodie and under her arm, she dragged the backpack up the her dorm room. Wednesday began to fill with something akin to glee. She was going to get you, get your confession and expose you for the monster you were. Her thoughts were gruesome and happy, multiple ways you’d be locked up and behind bars, while she moved into another mystery swirled around her head. Then, the glee died down and a new feeling filled her. Wednesday seldom felt this emotion, it was grief. 

She frowned, utterly confused. Why was she sad? Wednesday dragged her feet along the prolonged hallways of Ophelia Hall, her thoughts taunting her and dreading her. What if you really were the Hyde? Well it shouldn’t matter, Wednesday didn’t do attachments and certainly not to murderers. Wednesday shook it off, straightening her posture for no one to see, and swung open her door. 

Sitting on her bed, she flipped the the first page, reading the date of the first day of school. Wednesday read with rapt attention, her lips flickering upwards. Reading your journal was better than talking to you, because she could read your thoughts rather than see your anxiety. At least in this journal you could say a sentence, the most Wednesday ever got from you was a timid greeting. Her stomach always churned terribly when it happened. The corners of her mouth flickered up again, reading your views of Plato’s Republic. Wednesday never knew you were into philosophy, but she found herself wanting to ask you about your views on Machiavelli, and Aristotle. Wednesday laid on her back, propping one foot over the other. She flipped another page, this entry a week later. 

‘Schools going good, Enid and I’s friendship is growing and I really think she’s cool! She’s introduced me to Yoko, who I’ve also taking a liking to. Everyone’s so nice at Nevermore, except Bianca, but I’ve no bad run-ins with her. Everything’s good. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.’

Wednesday got lost in time and pages, soon now approaching her next hour, but she didn’t care, seeing as she was now two days away from her own arrival. Wednesday got so lost in your worded thoughts, she completely forgot what she was looking for. She found herself relating with you on some level, except for you views on philosophy. That was something she’d never agree with you on. 

Wednesday reached another page, the entry showing that she’d been at the school for a week. 

‘Enid’s got a new roommate. She seems cool, scary, but cool, yknow? I think I’d like to be friends with her, but I know I’d end up falling for her’ — Wednesday quirked an eyebrow — ‘because she’s just my type. Brooding and mysterious. I think she hates me. She stares at me like she sees right through me, it’s kind of attractive. I literally just run away from her and I won’t even sit at the quad to eat anymore. This sucks.’

So you weren’t the Hyde, you were just… gay… and suffering from a crush to Wednesday. She frowned, deep in thought. She opened the journal back up, getting to another section. 

‘I hate crushes. I’m so close to just screaming and never showing up to class again. I hate the way my heart races when I’m around her. I literally only pass by her in the hallway, or in class and my hearts having a freaking spasm. She’s like a shark, I think she knows I like her. I always catch her staring at me. I don’t think she’s homophobic, she might just not like me at all, so me liking her is awkward or weird. I think I’m gonna avoid her. The crush has gotta die out, right?’

Wednesday flipped another page. 

‘FUCK! This won’t go away. I’m literally gonna leave Nevermore, run away and go to some stupid normie school. Wednesday keeps staring at me and every time I just blush hard and look away, I try not to bother her. I wonder if there’s some rumor about me and she caught wind of it. Maybe people think I do drugs or something.’

Another flip. This one was today. 

‘Enid thinks I should just go for it, tell Wednesday I like her. I cant though, cause I know she doesn’t like me. If she did, oh fuck I’d be the talk of the school. Everyone assumes Wednesday hates everybody, which is probably true, but then, why does she stare at me??? Does she hate me?? Does she like me?? Am I mysterious or something??? I hate school. I cant wait until this stupid massive crush washes away and Wednesday is gone from Nevermore. Enid said she already tried running away, but is only staying cause she wants to catch the Hyde. I couldn’t care less what that monster is, as long as it’s not killing me or my friends. I hope Wednesday doesn’t get herself in any trouble. The thought of her leaving this school actually makes me sad. Which is stupid, I know, cause I want her to leave, but the hearts fucking dumb.’

Wednesday sighed, closing the journal. She’d had enough of this. Every symptom you’d said you had Wednesday reciprocated, she’d just thought it was anxiety because she believed you to be the Hyde. But then again, she should’ve known better, she’s never been anxious in her life. Wednesday’s lack of emotions had left her… emotionally stupid. She didn’t understand emotions, much less feel a vast majority of them. 

Wednesday slid the notebook into your bag, hoisted it over her shoulder, and walked to your dorm. It was now six o’clock, your classes were over and so were everybody else’s. It was a good thing that in Wednesday’s investigation, she’d figured out that you didn’t have a roommate. If only she could have that same experience, Wednesday would live for it. 

Her fist hesitated as she knocked, dropping it down twice before she finally struck it. 

“Come in!” a muffled voice shouted. 

Wednesday opened the door, closing it shut with her foot, as she continued to walk. 

You turned to face her, not sure who she was. When your eyes locked with hers, your jaw dropped. 

“I have your bag, thought I’d return it,” stated Wednesday, setting it on the floor. Her eyes swiftly assessed the room, matching every little thing to your personality. The room was so… you. 

It seemed for every musical genre you had a poster. Wednesday could make out some big ones; Taylor Swift, Twenty One Pilots, and Green Day to name a few. Wednesday could’ve sworn she saw Eminem along there. 

“Thanks,” you whispered, grabbing it off the the floor and hanging it on a rack. 

Wednesday walked around your room, looking to your bookshelf with great interest. There, hundreds of books were stacked within it, the top reaching your ceiling and the bottom touching your carpet. 

“How do you even reach these?” she asked, pointing to the top ones. 

You smiled, anxieties gone now, and grabbed a footstool. Setting it down, you hummed to yourself as you stepped up. Then, you got on your tiptoes, tongue in between your teeth from concentration. 

“That way, or I just get Yoko. She’s tall.”

You stepped down from it, folding then, then nestled it back under your desk. 

Wednesday’s hands glided across the books, stopping when she saw her favorite philosopher. 

“Machiavelli. Color me impressed.”

“There’s Sun Tzu there, too. I’ve got a lot of philosophers.”

Wednesday stifled the corners of her mouth, pressing hard down to prevent a smile. She took the top of a book, tipping it down and sliding it out. The book was in pristine condition, no folded corners, or bookmarks far too big for it were there. 

Art of War, she thought. 

“Do you agree with Machiavelli and Sun Tzu’s views?”

You chuckled. “Not at all. Human kind is beautiful. Rulers should be kind and generous. Not cruel and vindictive.”

“I disagree. Homo sapiens are no better than animals, they should be ruled and put in control. They will always lash out and try to rise above, which is why rulers must be cruel. It’s the best way.”

You nodded your head, biting your lip. “You know your philosophy.”

“And so do you,” she stated, turning around to face you. Wednesday slid the book back into its place, walking over to you afterwards. 

“It’s nice to have a mind that’s willing to challenge mine.”

“I wouldn’t put me on the same pedestal as you, Wednesday. I’d probably disappoint.” You chuckled nervously, wrapping a hand around the back of your neck. 

“I somehow doubt that.”

You lightly smiled at her, walking over to sit on your bed. “Thanks for dropping off my stuff.”

Wednesday followed you, setting  on the bed as well. “I admit, I did snoop.”

Wednesday looked over to you, your face filled with stifled panic. 

“Nothing much. Just homework.”

She shook her head. “No, it was interesting, just not the type I wanted.”

You gulped, playing with your fingers anxiously. You hadn’t written anything badin there, at least not to you. The only thing you were worried about was your raging crush that you’d stored in there. 

“What were you looking for?” you asked timidly, afraid of the answer. 

“I wanted a confession. I believed you to be the Hyde.”

You gave Wednesday a condescending look. “Really? Me? I’m, like, probably the least threatening person at Nevermore.”

“You had all the signs. You’ve always been antsy around me.”

You swallowed harshly, looking away from Wednesday and to your desk. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“But then I read your journal.”

“Fuck,” you whispered, still not meeting her eye. “Hope you enjoyed it.”

“I realized you weren’t anxious because you’re the Hyde, but because of a schoo—“

“Don’t finish that sentence.”

You stood up, walking to the door. You pointed to the empty hallway. “I think you should go.”

“Too bad, I think not.”

You stomped your foot slightly, huffing a breath of hot air out. “Well, I’m glad your enjoying yourself, Wednesday, but I don’t like to be played with.”

“I’m no—“

“You are. You have a stupid smirk on your face, I see it clear as day.”

Wednesday cleared her throat, not even realizing she was smiling. “You’re imagining things.”

“See you later, Wednesday,” you said, even though Wednesday was still sitting on your bed. 

“Close the door.”

“No.”

Wednesday got up with a sigh, took your hand off the door, and slammed it shut. She ignored your many protest and sputters, simply dragging you back to your bed and sitting you on it. 

“I do not mean to play games, nor do I wish to make you upset.”

You looked away from her again, eyes darting from trinket to trinket. A cold hand in yours made your eyes snap downwards, Wednesday had fully wrapped her hand around yours. You gulped, the log in your throat refusing to budge. Wednesday used her other hand to lightly place it under your chin, drawing it upwards. 

“Much better,” she husked out. 

With her eyes so fierce and strong, your body begged you to look away, but you couldn’t. Her gaze was magnetic, pulling and sucking you inwards. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t enjoy the helpless feeling. 

“As I was reading your journals, I discovered that the reason for my own racing pulse… and other less-than adequate feelings wasn’t because I was anxious. I believed you to be the Hyde, but I was obviously mistaken. Those feelings were caused for the same reason as yours,” Wednesday paused her low tone, drawing in a breath and leaning impossibly closer, “desire.”

You tried to breath out, hoping to expel some of your anxiousness, but it came out shaky and uncertain. Your nerves were on fire; every crevice of your body feeling everything there was to feel. The subtle wind of Wednesday’s breath against your lips, her cold hand raising goosebumps as it traveled to your jaw, the small gaps in your cardigan exposing your skin to the warm air — everything was driving your crazy. You’d never felt anything like it. 

Then, when you made no move to back away, Wednesday moved barely an inch forward. Her soft lips landed lightly on yours; eyes automatically fluttering closed as if it was routine. Wednesday kept the kiss soft, her lips applied a light and calming pressure. 

She pulled back, not bothering to put too much distance between you two. Then, you saw something that could only be described as magical. Wednesday smiled. 

Her eyes crinkled slightly, dimples of either side of her face blossoming, and a light gaze in her eyes. It was a side of Wednesday you could only dream of seeing, and here you were, awake and sober, witnessing it. A part of you wanted to desperately kiss her; but the sight in front of you kept you stupefied. 

Wednesday lightly tapped your cheek. “Did I break you already?”

You shook your head, a smile of your own forming. “You’re gonna have to try a lot harder to break me.”

“I look forward to it.

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist

Ch. 6: Drank

The morning comes quick and Yoongi is awake and getting himself ready for a radio interview they have in 2 hours. He’s been having trouble waking up in the mornings due to his heavy drinking, but this morning he wakes up feeling a bit refreshed for the first time.

He showers, has breakfast, and even takes a bit more time to plan his outfit of the day. It’s nothing special, just ripped jeans and a black t-shirt, but he hadn’t cared what he threw on lately. He didn’t even care if the clothes were clean or not.

When he pulls his jeans out of his suitcase a bracelet falls out. The bracelet Hyeri bought him that’s engraved with “Forever mine. Forever yours.” on it. The bracelet he never took off until he was in a drunken rage after he last spoke to her. The sight of that bracelet sends a sharp pain through Yoongi’s chest. Reading those words burns him to his core.

As if the bracelet wasn’t enough of a sobering reminder of the pain he’s been trying to run away from, his phone buzzes from a few messages.

[Hyeri]: I hope you have a good day today.

[Hyeri]: I love you so much and I’m sorry for all of the shit I’ve put you through.

[Hyeri]: I’ll keep telling you this everyday until I die.

[Hyeri]: Even if you don’t forgive me, can you tell me you’re at least eating well and taking care of yourself?

[Hyeri]: I miss you so much.

She’s been texting him every single day saying the same thing. She’d message him about her day as if her texts to him were entries to her diary. She’d tell him to take care of himself and that she loves him. He’d simply sigh at her message, get pissed that she’s on his mind and has him hurting again, then has a drink to take himself further from reality. Further from being himself, the one very painfully in love.

Despite what Jungkook thought was a successful time last night, he finds himself a little disappointed to smell the bit of alcohol on Yoongi’s breath when they arrived at the radio station. Still, Yoongi doesn’t seem quite as bad as he was before.

They get through the interview without incident. They move to their next appearance at a gallery. Then they check out the venue for the concert and the new stage setup they put together specially for Las Vegas.

Hyeri had been aware of the guys radio appearance. She stayed up late and managed to find a stream that let her listen to the show from Seoul. She just wanted to hear Yoongi’s voice, even if the most talking he did was say his name. She cries listening to the interview, and when it’s over she sends him another text telling him how good they sound on the radio and that she’s proud of them.

Yoongi doesn’t pay much attention to his phone until after they leave the venue and start heading back to the hotel. During the ride he sees the messages from Hyeri and lets out a sigh. Still buzzing a little from a hidden drink he had stashed in his pants, he finally decides to reply to Hyeri.

[Yoongi]: Pretty bold of you to keep texting me when you’re dating someone else. At least that’s what you told the world. What the fuck do you want with me Hyeri? If you went back to not giving a shit and not trying to talk to me then I wouldn’t have such a hard time staying focused out here. I’m trying to get through this tour and you keep texting me like you didn’t rip my heart out of my fucking chest and spit on it in front of the entire fucking world! Why do you think you can keep hurting me like this? I gave you everything and more and this is what I get? Why do you think you can talk to me and say shit like you love me when you don’t?! You’re fucking me up, Hyeri and it pisses me off! Let me get through this fucking tour without thinking about the person who doesn’t give a shit about me! You didn’t care enough to say shit to me before, why the fuck are you acting like you care now?

[Yoongi]: I’m not the person you claim to love anymore. He fucking died the day you decided a lie to boost your career was better than the truth.

In this moment, he means that. The Yoongi she loves is gone. He’s been hurt into hiding with no intention of coming back. What remains is a shell of a man who once knew happiness. The shell of a man who no longer wants to feel.

The guys have the evening to themselves so while they’re doing their own thing they all agreed to have dinner together at a restaurant on the strip later. Yoongi couldn’t get out of going. He knows he would draw much more attention to himself if he didn’t go.

So he sits at the restaurant with his members and managers indulging in the mindless chatter and never ending gossip. He knew at least a few of them would be keeping a close eye on him, so he orders a beer and leaves it at that.

Jungkook told Jin and Namjoon about his dinner with Yoongi the previous night. Although he knows Yoongi is still sneaking drinks, Jungkook still seemed optimistic that maybe he’s not too far gone and just needs to be brought out of his funk. The rest of the guys got together and agreed to try not to say or do anything that would make Yoongi feel like he’s being babysat. And they definitely know not to bring up anything related to Hyeri. Plus the managers don’t know about anything and the last thing they want is for them or anyone else outside of the group to realize Yoongi is going down a dark path.

Yoongi fakes it well. The beer he ordered wasn’t near enough for him, but he didn’t want to take the chance of raising eyebrows if he ordered another. Everyone has been silently taking care of him. Jungkook filling his cup with water from the carafe on the table every time he takes a drink. Jin giving him bites of his food. Hobi keeping the mood light and as joyful as possible. It’s a collective effort from everyone.

Still, Yoongi is starting to feel that urge. He can’t stop thinking about the message he sent Hyeri. She never responded and he knows it’s likely because it’s late in Korea, but for whatever reason he can’t shake the nagging in his mind. Did he finally get her to leave him alone? Was he too harsh? What does he care? She didn’t care about his feelings so why should he care about hers? He hates that he cares so much.

He’s managed to distance himself from the conversation at the table and now he’s mad at himself for letting her occupy his mind again. He’s mad at himself for slipping back into the hopelessly devoted fool who only responded to Hyeri because despite the angry words he sent her, he felt a tinge of joy knowing she listened in to their radio interview. He hates himself so fucking much.

He excuses himself to go to the restroom. He needs a moment to get his mind right again. He stares at himself in the mirror hating what he sees. In the inside pocket of his black jacket he pulls out a bottle of rum that he had a manager get for him. He requested a few bottles of different things under the guise that he would have them shipped back home for friends and family. In reality, the 4 bottles of various liquors are hidden in his suitcase under some of his recording equipment, with a 5th bottle being the one he just pulled out of his jacket. After his message to Hyeri earlier he decided he may need a little assistance to get through the night.

He takes a big swig from the bottle. Then another. And one more for good measure. He gives himself a minute to get recollected but it’s difficult. He takes another drink then decides he needs to step outside for some air.

He goes out a back door that appears to be where the restaurant staff goes for smoke breaks. He stands off to the side in a dark corner hoping no one will notice him if they were to come out that door. There’s lights everywhere, but conveniently none in this particular spot that has a second level of shadowed security thanks to the large dumpster he’s standing next to. He can still see the door, but he’ll have a better chance at ducking and hiding in the shadows if someone came out looking for him.

He takes a few deep breaths waiting for his rum to kick in. He’s been feeling too much like himself and he doesn’t want to. He wants to be numb but his drink isn’t hitting fast enough for his liking. He takes another large drink from his bottle then puts it back into his jacket pocket. He hates himself so much.

“Oh!” A startled male voice rings out scaring Yoongi a little. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”

A man about the same height as Yoongi with blue dyed hair approaches looking like he’s also needing a place to escape.

“It’s ok,” Yoongi mumbles.

“Are you hiding from something too?” The guy asks.

“Just getting some air. It’s a bit hot in there.”

“Oh,” the guy looks Yoongi over a few times as best he can in the darkness. “Did you ever think that it’s hot in there because of you?”

“What?” Yoongi chuckles taken aback by the sudden cheesy pickup line.

“Sorry,” the guy chuckles. “Honestly I noticed you inside and couldn’t take my eyes off of you. My name’s Davy.”

“Austin,” Yoongi says without a second thought. It’s like the name just came out naturally as if it truly were his name. He doesn’t hurt quite as much when he’s Austin. He barely feels anything when he’s Austin.

“Nice to meet you,” Davy smiles.

“You too.” Yoongi takes a closer look at Davy. He’s wearing dark blue jeans and a colorful floral tank top.

“Are you from here?” Davy asks.

“No,” Yoongi replies. “Just visiting. What about you?”

“Same,” Davy says inching closer to Yoongi. “My friend ditched me for a new friend and it’s my last night in town so I was hoping to have a little fun before I leave in the morning.”

“Really?” Yoongi asks feeling the rum starting to take him over. “What kind of fun?”

“Whatever kind you’re into,” he smirks tapping Yoongi’s jacket in the exact spot where his rum is hidden. “If you don’t mind sharing a little with a stranger, I’ll pay you back.”

“How are you going to do that?” Yoongi asks reaching for his bottle. His vision is starting to fog and his mind is on nothing. Someone could suggest he rob a bank right now and he wouldn’t have the mind to decline.

Davy doesn’t want him to rob a bank though. Davy wants a taste of the rum Yoongi just willingly handed over. And a little something else.

“Cute and kind,” Davy smiles taking a drink. “I like it.”

“You think I’m kind?” Yoongi chuckles.

“Well you just let someone you met a minute ago have a sip from your private stash. Seems like a kind person to me.”

“Right,” Yoongi nods. Davy hands him the bottle back and he takes a big drink before putting the bottle back in his jacket.

“Do you taste as good as that rum?”

“See for yourself,” Yoongi smiles mischievously. He answered so quickly he didn’t even think about what he just suggested.

This is what Yoongi wants. He wants to no longer feel like Yoongi. Once again, he finds himself numb to everything except the heat that quickly rises within him when Davy attaches his lips to his. That feeling of fire being the only thing he can feel just makes it so much more powerful. He doesn’t want it to stop.

“Can I taste more?” Davy exhales pressing his body closer into Yoongi’s. “I want to know what Austin really tastes like.”

“Yeah?” Yoongi smirks. “Go ahead. You said you would pay me back anyway.”

His vision is foggy and his head is spinning. In the moment he only feels Davy. And Davy feels so fucking good to Austin right now.

Yoongi has been away from the table for a while and the guys are starting to worry. He only said he was going to the bathroom, but it seems he’s taking much longer than usual. With the managers there they don’t want to do anything to cause suspicion or concern. Taehyung decides to just go check in on Yoongi. He could just be having a bad shit, can’t fault him for that.

Taehyung enters the restroom and finds it empty. Of course it is. He can’t imagine Yoongi went far though so he steps back out of the restroom and looks around. Yoongi isn’t at the bar. He’s not mingling with someone he may know or being approached by fans anywhere. Taehyung does a full 360 look around, then he finally sees it. The back door.

Taehyung sighs hoping his hyung isn’t truly out back just to sneak a drink. It doesn’t make sense to him that Yoongi would go to such great lengths. He quietly pokes his head out the door and looks around. He can hardly see anything, but he can see the unlit corner where the dumpsters are. He takes a small step out the door and looks around more. Then he hears something.

It’s a peculiar sound, but he’s not so naive that he doesn’t know what he’s hearing. Thinking he may have just discovered someone in the middle of their back alley romp, he swiftly turns to go back inside. As he turns, his eyes catch a quick glimpse of the person responsible for the animalistic growls he’s hearing.

His heart sinks when he notices Yoongi’s hair dangling as his head is thrown back and his mouth is wide open. Taehyung doesn’t know everyone Yoongi knows, but he’s pretty sure the person on his knees deep throating Yoongi is a complete stranger. He’s frozen in place a moment trying to convince himself that he’s not seeing what he’s seeing. But he is. That’s Yoongi. It’s dark but that’s Yoongi’s face. Those are his clothes. That’s his voice.

Taehyung regains consciousness and heads back inside the restaurant. He rushes back to the table and sits down without a word. The guys look at him confused waiting for him to tell them something.

“So?” Jimin asks. “Did you find him?”

Taehyung silently nods.

“Ok…was he in the bathroom?”

Taehyung silently shakes his head.

“Where is he?” Jin asks.

Taehyung quickly points his head towards the back door then looks back down at his plate.

“Why didn’t you bring him back?”

Taehyung sighs. Telling them what he just saw means he’ll have to accept it himself, and he’s not sure he wants to. He has far too many questions swirling around his head and he thinks maybe if he pretends he didn’t see what he just saw it will all go away.

“Taehyung,” Namjoon says softly trying his damndest to read his expression.

Before Taehyung can concoct a sentence, Yoongi returns to the table. He looks a bit disheveled but begins eating as if he hadn’t gone missing for 15 minutes.

“Hey,” Hobi says softly. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi nods. “I guess something I ate didn’t sit well. You know how it is with foreign food.”

No one believes him, but they let it go not exactly knowing what he was doing. Taehyung can barely look in Yoongi’s direction. Even after years of living together, he’s never seen Yoongi like that. He’s sure he’s been scarred for life and would have much preferred that he caught Yoongi drinking instead.

The next morning Yoongi wakes up in a familiar fog. Somehow he passed out on the bed with all of his clothes on. He doesn’t remember much other than getting his dick sucked by a complete stranger. Again. Whose name he doesn’t quite remember. Again.

He groans a bit then gets up to take down a couple of painkillers and get himself cleaned up in the shower. He wishes everything wasn’t such a blur, but he knows it’s for the best. When he wakes up as Yoongi the next morning he hardly has any idea what Austin did. He barely even cares what Austin did.

All during rehearsal, Taehyung can’t seem to face Yoongi. He doesn’t say much and tries to hide behind other members during discussions. Yoongi doesn’t notice, he has no idea Taehyung saw him and Davy last night.

The rest of the guys know something was up last night, but none of them have any answers. Taehyung won’t say anything and Yoongi only says he had a bad reaction to something he ate. The managers are still clueless to what’s going on. Jimin and Namjoon are very concerned. Hobi, Jin, and Jungkook aren’t quite sure what to think of it. Taehyung…Taehyung wants to scrub his eyes and ears with bleach.

After rehearsal, Jin follows Yoongi to his room. He keeps things casual and upbeat, but he’s really just trying to keep a close eye on Yoongi. He wants to know what Yoongi is really up to in his room when he’s alone.

They both take a seat on the bed and continue chatting. At the same time Jin is quietly observing everything in the room. It’s a bit of a mess with clothes tossed here and there. Jin expects that from some of the other guys, but not the well organized Min Yoongi. He’s spent enough time as his roommate to know this isn’t normal.

As they’re talking, Yoongi’s phone rings. It’s Hyeri. He’s much too sober to answer her, and now he’s upset that she has the nerve to call him on concert day after the message he sent her practically telling her to leave him alone so he can focus on the tour. Still, that small infuriating part of him is happy she called and is trying to convince him to answer. Instead he lets it go to voicemail. So she leaves one. Now the small part of him is wanting him to listen to it. He stares at his phone cursing himself for being so fucking weak.

“I know you’re still pretty upset,” Jin says. “But I know you want to hear what she says. Go ahead and listen to it.”

“Hyung,” Yoongi sighs. “If I listen to it I probably won’t be able to be myself after.”

“You haven’t been yourself anyway,” Jin jokes. “What difference does it make?”

“Fuck,” Yoongi mumbles hitting play on the voicemail.

“Yoongi.” Hyeri’s soft voice rings through the phone making Yoongi’s heart hurt. “I’m sorry. You’re probably more mad at me for calling you. I’ll take it.” Her voice is shaky but she continues. “I’ll never be able to express how truly sorry I am for everything. I just wish you would give me a chance to talk to you. Give me a chance to make this right.”

The more he listens, the more pissed he is that his heart still yearns for her. His soft, weak heart wants to dry her tears and hold her close. He’s filling up with rage the more she keeps crying into the phone. Why does she have to play this stupid game with him?

“I love you, Yoongi,” she cries. “I love you so much baby. I’ve been talking with the company trying to get them to make things right. We skipped out on a promo shoot in protest today. I’m doing whatever I can to fix this, but I really want to talk to you. I miss you. I miss your voice. I miss your love.” She breaks down sobbing hard into the phone. “I love you so fucking much it hurts.” She continues sobbing unable to say anything else. After a few moments the recording ends.

Jin isn’t sure what to say. He’s heartbroken for both of them. Hyeri sounded so distraught and Yoongi looks angrily conflicted. Yoongi is very angry right now. He doesn’t want to be himself right now.

“You should talk to her,” Jin encourages. “She’s hurting and we all can tell you are too.”

“No,” Yoongi shakes his head. “I’ll talk to her when we get home. I’m just trying to get through the tour right now.”

“But you barely are,” Jin says bluntly. “No one says you two have to instantly make up and pretend like everything is perfect, but you at least need to talk through this. You’re not talking to her and all you tell us is that you’re fine when you’re not. You need to talk to someone, Yoongi.”

Yoongi knows Jin is right. He does need to talk to someone. He’s been spiraling without anyone to hang on to. He hates this. He hates himself. He hates that he wants to scream and cry. He hates that he’d rather be someone else than deal with the painful emotions he’s been going through.

“Have a drink with me, hyung,” Yoongi says standing and grabbing a bottle of vodka out of the drawer under the tv. If he’s going to talk about this, he’s going to need to numb himself.

“Yoongi-ah,” Jin sighs not wanting to enable Yoongi’s drinking.

“Just one,” Yoongi says pouring a glass for each of them. He hands Jin a glass and sits back down.

Jin accepts mostly because he can sense that Yoongi may finally open up to him. If he gets it out now he may not feel the need to get plastered everyday.

“She didn’t talk to me for two days,” Yoongi says drinking half his glass in one gulp. “I learned everything from Kihyun. Now I have to be the one to give in and let her talk to me after how much she’s hurt me? No, hyung, she’ll wait. I can focus better when she’s not on my mind. I don’t hurt so much when I don’t think of her. It’s better this way.”

“This is better?” Jin asks watching Yoongi inhale the remainder of his drink. “Drinking yourself to oblivion is better?”

“If I’m not on stage then I need something to help numb me.”

“But you drink on stage too! How is that different?”

“I see her in the crowd. I see her singing and dancing and cheering us on. All I can see is her and it fucks me up, hyung!” Yoongi’s voice cracks as he tries to maintain his composure. “I don’t want to see her! I don’t want to hear her or think about her at all! I told her she was fucking up my focus and she decided to call me instead of leaving me alone. On fucking concert day! She pisses me off so much!”

“That’s why you need to talk to her, Yoongi!” Jin hates to see him like this. He hates to see him upset, but even more because it’s manifesting as anger and Jin has known Yoongi far too long to know that it’s a slippery slope. “You’re hurting yourself more by doing this shit so much.” He gestures to his glass of vodka that he hasn’t even taken a sip of yet.

“I can’t be myself if I talk to her,” Yoongi says with tears starting to well in his eyes.

“Why not?” Jin can see the tears and it’s breaking him to see Yoongi this way.

“Because it’ll hurt me too much.”

[tenebris-lux]

(Warning: this post has a lot of gushing.)

I enjoyed the way Graham Rowan read Hennessey’s letter, and how Felix Trench screamed as Renfield; the latter was interesting to me because if I hadn’t known the context, I wouldn’t have known it was him. Screaming distorts voices, more so if one’s angry like Renfield was.

Btw, I’m not good with UK accents, so I’m curious what accent Hennessey had. Was it Yorkshire?

Oh, the hoarse way Seward begins his diary. Before he even said the line “I am too miserable,” I could tell he’d been crying or struggling not to. Then the way he grated out the next lines… OH, that grief. It’s so perfectly done, I can easily empathize with the feeling of talking through a cramping chest. Mr. Sims, how did you execute that so beautifully? Also love how he pauses and breathes slowly to center himself before continuing. I am not sorry, but I am LOVING that first paragraph.

And Van Helsing’s quiet, soothing tones to Holmwood as he brings him into the drawing room. I’ve said before that I think Van Helsing talks way too much, but it was very comforting to hear the way Alan Burgon delivered his lines. Lots of sympathy there.

In fact, every line in this entry was uttered so well. The way Seward says, “Ah, well, poor girl, there is peace for her at last,” with forced energy as he shoves his grief aside for later. He’s putting on the tough act, but we all know how emotional he is privately.

By the way, the music shifts are wonderful without being melodramatic, as Lucy shifts back and forth between herself and the vampiric state. And the way it turns chilling when Van Helsing says, “Not so; alas! not so. It is only the beginning!” The music and line deliveries work well together, like harmony.

I enjoyed Van Helsing’s monologue to Seward as he practically begged him to keep trusting him. Mr. Burgon delivered those lines with such deliberation and force, that I never realized in reading the book before that Van Helsing was desperate for Seward to keep trusting him through these strange and apparently useless and grisly next steps. I also like it because of yet another issue I have with the character of Van Helsing—he tends to overtake the spotlight, in my opinion. He talks so much and directs the flow of who talks and when whenever he’s in the room (this is just how it seems to me when I’m reading it). He’s got all the knowledge (apparently), yet holds it back until he decides everyone else needs to hear it. I have issue because, when I read it as text, it just seems too controlling. And that’s why I appreciate the way Mr. Burgon said those couple paragraphs. It showed me that there are things he can’t control and has to ask, even beg for: his friend’s trust. And Jack’s trust means a lot to him.

Er, tl;dr—good job, everybody. This episode was awesome. I loved it.

[itzynabi]

warnings: mention of suicidal ideation

an: this was posted on the 4th of april, 2024

ITZY’s Nabi vs JYP Entertainment: Full Breakdown of Second Day in Court

It was heavy

On April 4, ITZY’s Nabi’s lawsuit against JYP Entertainment saw its second day in court. Both Nabi and JYP Entertainment’s CEO, Jimmy Jeong, were present.

JYP Entertainment opened the trial by calling forth a witness, Witness A, one of the staff members that worked with Nabi on her first full album until spring. The lawyer asked Witness A a few questions about what it was like to work with Nabi, and the staff member alleged that Nabi would show attitude to some staff members, wouldn’t have manners, and would ignore staff members. He went on to say it made working on the album very hard as he had to communicate through her manager.

Nabi’s lawyer was then given time to question Witness A and she did not hold back! She started by asking a few questions about what he does in the company and the specifics of his job. Witness A explained his job in detail and then Nabi’s lawyer asked him if he had ever had lunch with Director Park Dakho, to which he denied. Nabi’s lawyer then pulled up text messages between the witness and another staff member, where they were talking about a lunch they had with Director Park.

Staff Member A: Isn’t it a bit weird how Director Park told us to stall the album? I thought he wanted Nabi’s album to make him a lot of money

Staff Member B (Witness): Yeah, but doing that will get us money so………… Let’s do it enthusiastically!

Reporters said the witness started stuttering over his words and looked to JYP Entertainment’s lawyer for assistance. Luckily for him, that was the only question Nabi’s lawyer had. Unfortunately for him, everything he said beforehand was brought into question as he had been easily proven to be a liar. The witness was allowed to go back to his seat and Nabi’s lawyer called their witness, Nabi’s therapist.

Nabi’s defence team focused on how her treatment at JYP Entertainment affected her mental health, something she has expressed struggling with. Nabi’s therapist, Witness B, worked with her before she debuted, then they stopped having sessions because Nabi was feeling better and was too busy to go to therapy, then they started seeing each other again in early 2022. Witness B commented how because Nabi was very busy, they had been unable to have sessions, instead resorting to messaging each other and sending each other voice messages. Nabi’s lawyers asked Witness B to give a basic summary of Nabi’s feelings.

“Everytime Nabi has periods of time where her life consists of just working, her mental health takes a dip. It happened in 2021 and 2022. Nabi is a very sensitive person, her emotions are very strong. When she’s sad, she doesn’t just feel a slight sadness that she can get over, she’s consumed by the sadness to the point she doesn’t remember a time she was happy. The same thing happens when she’s happy, angry, insecure, and stressed. She can have five panic attacks in one day because of how overwhelmed she feels. She’s not someone that responds well to being spoken to sharply.” — Witness B

Nabi’s lawyer presented the idol’s diary as evidence, asking Witness B to analyse what Nabi had written. Most of the diary entries were of Nabi expressing her anger, hurt, and hopelessness. In her diary, Nabi said she was “sick of the whole thing.” Witness B mentioned that most of their texts the past few months had been about how to manage her feelings regarding the situation she was forced into, adding that Nabi often expressed that she felt like a zoo animal meant to perform tricks on command. A particularly worrying diary entry of Nabi’s was shown.

“what to say…………… death sounds okay. i hope something bad happens to me so i dont have to perform. sorry to the staff members that spent so much time on this but like at the end of the day this isnt worth it. i wonder if death would be kinder to me than this hell. i hope it would be. one day i’ll find out. but not soon. maybe” — Nabi’s diary entry

Witness B confirmed that she had spoken with Nabi about such thoughts, the two even called each other to talk about it in depth, the session ending with Nabi feeling slightly better. Nabi’s lawyer ended by asking what Witness B thought would be the best conclusion for Nabi, with Witness B saying, “I think if Nabi stays in JYP Entertainment, it could be very dangerous. Not only would her mental state get worse, but the treatment she had to endure could get more volatile. If she stays in JYP Entertainment, there could be unfortunate news within a few months.”

Nabi’s lawyer ended her questioning there, giving JYP Entertainment’s lawyer a chance to question Witness B. They started by pointing out that contrary to what had been discussed, Nabi looked very relaxed, but she refuted that by saying, “Nabi isn’t relaxed. She’s protecting herself. That relaxed composure you see is a trauma response, her mind has shut down to protect her.” JYP Entertainment’s lawyer then asked of the stability of Nabi’s memory, with Witness B saying, “Because of Nabi constantly dissociating, there are many blanks in her memory. There are some days that she has absolutely no recollection of because her brain is trying to protect her, but she remembers how she felt on those days.” JYP Entertainment’s lawyer asked if that could not mean that Nabi’s diary entries were to not be trusted since she might not have remembered what happened, but Witness B mentioned that Nabi made those entries in the moment she was experiencing those situations.

Reporters noted that throughout this exchange, Nabi stared blankly ahead of her, playing with her fingers. Throughout the court proceedings, Jimmy Jeong allegedly looked to Nabi with an apologetic expression.

Witness B was allowed to go sit down and both sides’ lawyers were allowed to make their closing statements, starting with JYP Entertainment.

“As an agency, JYP Entertainment has tried to ensure the safety and comfortability of its artists. They cannot be held accountable for the actions of the employees.” — JYP Entertainment.

Nabi’s lawyers then made her closing statement.

“JYP Entertainment may not be accountable for the actions of their employees, however they are accountable for their artists’ safety. JYP Entertainment failed to make sure Kim Nabi felt safe and they failed to protect her, instead actively working to shield the perpetrator of her abuse. If they really cared for their artist, wouldn’t they let her leave without a fight?” — Kim Nabi.

©️ kim nabi

[cursed-man-prayers]

High Infidelity is about Miss Americana.

Notes before we begin: First, I can’t post screenshots from the doc bc Netflix, but I have pulled direct quotes and rewatched scenes over and over as I wrote this analysis. The more I watched, the more this theory made sense.

Second, while I obviously don’t know what Taylor Swift’s relationship with her dad is like, the clips in Miss American plus the song tolerate it are enough to convince me that he’s not/wouldn’t be accepting of Taylor being queer. There’s a reason she’s a mama’s girl. This is a Scott Swift hate account.

Let’s begin

Verse One

Lock broken,

A common interpretation of this lyric is the invasion of privacy that is someone reading your diary/journal. Having a locked diary is also something most common with young girls (only girls get privacy, sorry lads), and in Miss Americana, the first diary that Taylor shows in the first scene while she says the first words of the film is a diary that has a lock, and there’s also a closeup of another diary with a lock, as well as the words “bitch session.” There’s also the very common trope/reality of parents reading your diary. Speaking from personal experience, this can genuinely be traumatic, especially taking into consideration the next two words.

Slur Spoken

Seeing as Taylor is a white woman, I genuinely don’t know how else this can be interpreted besides a homophobic slur being spoken. $!u and b*!tch are derogatory, but that’s not the same thing as being a slur. Also, I’m not going to justify the “she’s talking about slurring words while drunk!!” interpretation bc that makes less sense than thinking the slur is “whore.” (I think the diary I mentioned that says “bitch session” is further proof that Taylor doesn’t consider ‘bitch’ to be a slur, even though she has called out the misogynistic way men use it in music.)

Wound open, game token

The person who is breaking this lock and speaking this slur and opening this wound is using Taylor’s pain as a means to get a prize. “You play stupid games you win stupid prizes” (MAATHBP), “You knew you won, so what’s the point of keeping score?” (hoax).

I didn't know you were keeping count

In the Man music video, during the tennis match, Scott Swift is playing the scorekeeper. This line is repeated multiple times in the song. The context of the repetition does change and develop throughout the song.

Rain soaking, blind hoping

I think this refers to the Lover era and how Taylor was not able to come out (specifically that video where she’s talking about ME! and looks sad as shit). I think it’s also a reference to Midnight Rain, rain being a metaphor for unexpected, unseen change, and also the isolation of staying hidden.

You said I was freeloading / I didn't know you were keeping count

As someone with a dad, I can confirm that this is very dad-coded. Like, I can’t think of a context in Taylor’s life where a romantic partner would’ve said this to her, especially considering how idk, rich and successful she’s been since she was a teenager? While I don’t think her dad would ever be justified in saying this to her either, it could be a reference to him throwing his role in her career in her face, the way we see in Miss Americana.

Chorus

This is where things come together in terms of being about Miss Americana.

High infidelity / Put on your records and regret me / I bent the truth too far tonight / I was dancing around, dancing around it

In order to produce a consumable product (the Lover journals) around her and her art, she had to dance around the full truth. The entries were meticulously chosen and most likely edited. In Miss Americana, the segment where she “comes out” as a democrat feels like it might’ve been a different kind of coming out story, especially when you factor in the creation of You Need To Calm Down. It comes across as extremely personal, and while there are multiple factors leading to the experience being emotionally charged for Taylor, I do think that her own queerness is one of those factors. The entire documentary feels like she’s dancing around a bent truth.

Put on your headphones and burn my city

Putting on headphones is shorthand for ignoring someone. “Burn my city” in the context of how Taylor equates her (former) lover with *a certain city* feels like an indication that the subject of the song did something to sabotage and burn down the relationship. I think this is a reference to how her career and the people controlling it (such as her father, but others as well) ruined the love she’s been singing about since reputation.

Your picket fence is sharp as knives

This also goes back to Midnight Rain (“my town was a wasteland, full of cages, full of fences”)

I was dancing around, dancing around it

Taylor has used dancing as a literary device throughout her discography. I believe it’s typically a metaphor for queerness.

Post Chorus

Do you really want to know where I was April 29th?

This goes back to the diaries from Miss Americana. This is Taylor being confronted about a journal entry from an April 29th where she wrote something gay. When *her dad* saw it, it led to a slur being spoken.

Do I really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?

This refers to the segment in Miss Americana that is allegedly all about Joe. Call It What You Want plays over a montage of videos filmed by an unseen lover. The only clip actually featuring Joe in the entire film is a single moment where Taylor and Joe look vaguely excited to see each other after one of the Rep shows. The way she wrote and sung this line makes it seem like charting constellations in some dude’s eyes is the last thing she wants to do.

Verse Two

Storm coming, good husband / Bad omen / Dragged my feet right down the aisle

This very much sounds like Taylor being forced to be romantically linked in a traditional, heterosexual way. The storm coming and bad omen are what led to her being pushed into this, likely the media storm that happened in 2016. It ties together the lines about pickets fences and how the rain referenced in the first verse is connected to Midnight Rain, because, as we learned with the very first track on Midnights, Taylor is not interested in 1950’s shit.

At the house lonely,

“To a house not a home all alone ‘cause nobody’s there,” Dear Reader

good money,

“the jokes weren’t funny, I took the money” from YOYOK is just one example of how the money comes at the cost of herself and who she is and her worth as a human being…

I'd pay if you'd just know me / Seemed like the right thing at the time

…but now she’s regretting paying that price, wishing that she could be truly known. It seemed like the right thing, but she’s realizing that it wasn’t. Alternatively, she regrets coming out to her and the price she now has to pay of knowing his love was conditional. She paid the price for being known. Also, during the clips that play during the segment allegedly about Joe, Taylor is singing Call It What You Want, specifically the lyric “At least I did one thing right” which is… devastating in this context. She also says:

But I wasn’t happy in the way that I was trained to be happy…It was happiness without anyone else’s input. It was just, we were happy.

Anyway she doesn’t seem happy anymore.

Pre Chorus

You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love / The slowest way is never loving them enough

This creates a strong connection to tolerate it. I feel like this lyric is the thesis of that song. Again, this is a very dad-coded lyric. It’s the slow realization that a parent’s love can be conditional. It’s like when a queer kid comes out and a parent says “I still love you, but…” There’s other contexts where that phrase could exist, but it’s an extremely common queer experience.

Do you really want to know where I was April 29th? / Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

I think this could refer to the narrative of Joe Alwyn being William Bowery (which is suspect at best and criminal at worst). She has to say that Joe helped her write devastating breakup songs like exile and champagne problems to keep up the narrative that they are in a VERY HAPPY relationship.

The next new lyric is in the third chorus and let’s just say I have thoughts about it.

Put on your records and regret meeting me

THIS LYRIC HAS BEEN DRIVING ME MAD FOR THREE MONTHS. In the other choruses she says “regret me,” but she changes it here to be “regret meeting me” in the last chorus. “Regret me” implies regretting the existence of Taylor Swift. It’s the people credited with kick-starting her career (such as her father!!!) putting on your records, a double-entendre for her albums + the awards and accolades she has earned for those albums. But! In this chorus! The lyric is! Regret meeting me! The promo for Midnights focused heavily on “meet me at midnight,” the concept that she would be showing who she really is with the album, so much so that people thought she might be coming out with this album. While I think this lyric is a reference to that narrative and the fear that her fans won’t get her or won’t like her after listening to Midnights, I also think it is about how her dad regrets learning who she really is, and how he therefore IGNORES IT by listening to the albums she wrote about me. This is the only lyric in the chorus that changes, and it’s seemingly such a small change, a single word added to the line, but that’s what makes it so massive. Because why would she change this lyric if not to completely change the meaning of the line? It’s drawing a distinction between regretting someone’s existence and regretting knowing the truth about them.

Oh, there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love

And it's never enough, it's never enough

I think the phrasing here implies that Taylor feels like she can never be good enough to earn the love she needs and deserves. This ties it, again, to the intro of Miss Americana where she’s going through her diaries and talks about how her main goal in life was to be a good girl.

Outro

The entire first chorus is repeated, and we have a new perspective.

You said I was freeloading

When it comes to this line specifically, I think it refers to the conversation about Taylor’s desire to speak publicly about politics, in which her dad throws in her face how he hired armored cars, essentially saying that she owes him something. It’s just phrased in an odd way and it makes everyone uncomfy.

I didn't know you were keeping count / But oh, you were keeping count

The repetition of the first chorus at the end of the song implies that this song is cyclical. It’s a loop that she’s trapped in. (If you put this song on repeat and turn up the crossfade, you can listen on a seamless loop). Tolerate It does the same thing. Repetition also draws attention to the lyrics while recontextualizing them. The last lyric (“but oh, you were keeping count”) is this acknowledgment that her relationship with this person was/is transactional.

What about the name of the song?

Okay, I’m convinced the only reason anyone would ever think this is a song about cheating is because of the title. Obviously, the primary definition of the word infidelity is cheating on a romantic or sexual partner. Nothing else in the song indicated cheating. SO. OBVIOUSLY. I GOOGLED. THE DEFINITION. TO SEE. WHAT. AN ALTERNATIVE. MIGHT. BE

unbelief in a particular religion, especially Christianity.

Jesus Fucking CHrist. Taylor Swift has called herself a Christian, and she has also written songs with overt religious themes, typically borrowing from Christianity specifically (Don’t Blame Me; False God; Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve; Soon You’ll Get Better). While I know that you can be queer and Christian, it is not unreasonable to conclude that coming out as queer to a conservative Christian (parent) would be considered a lack of belief in Christianity. Infidelity literally means “unfaithful.” To many people, Christianity and queerness are unreconcilable, to the point that they believe accepting yourself as queer can lead to you going to hell. While they won’t say this outloud, many Christians put “homosexuality” into a higher category of sin, meaning that being queer is HIGHLY UNCHRISTIAN, HIGHLY UNFAITHFUL, HIGH INFIDELITY.

One last thing. Miss Americana was released at midnight PST. Which is 3am EST. High Infidelity is a 3am track. So, yeah.

tl;dr

High Infidelity is about being considered unfaithful for being who you are. It’s about dying slowly because you are not loved (enough) for who you are. It’s about how the lies you’ve been forced to tell have forced you to be unfaithful to yourself. It’s about Miss Americana.

[jorrated]

Hiya Jo, sorry to come to you for this, but your post on Maya Knuckles was so cool I had to ask. You seem good at researching stuff, do you have any tips on looking for sources on specific groups of people? I've been struggling on finding good resources on indigenous groups from brasil... (I'm brazilian myself but i dont know where to start)

I wouldn't say I'm good at research, as I think I'm more insanely curious and just lucky LOL. A lot of times when I try to search for specific things I try absolutely everything until I stumble on whatever I was looking for!

But usually I start with a quick basic skim-read on whatever google gives you when you look up whatever your looking for. Most often then not it'll probably give a wikipedia page, some related news articles and some unsourced pages. A lot of times I won't use any of these, but it's a good way to get a feel for what you'll need to keep an eye for.

What I mean is that sometimes just looking for the main subject of the research wont actually give you what you're looking for. For example, when I was looking for Mayan stuff, it kept giving me Inca and Aztec info, which is cool, but wasn't what i was looking for. But since these 3 were usually grouped together, looking for Inca and Aztec books/resources actually helped me a bunch into finding what I was looking for, and more! So keep an eye out on how the subject you're looking for is COMMONLY described, what's usually associated to it, what people talk about the subject etc.

Then you can go actually searching for thing now, I recommend using DuckDuckGo! And always check if they got a source. Plenty of articles will say things that they've seen on other articles, which maybe are true! but then you always run the risk of getting incorrect facts. So always check, if it's not sourced, run another search with the info and see if another article has a source.

When you do find an article/book with a source THEN you can fall down the rabbit hole! No joke one sourced article can lead you to 5 sources, which most probably also have sources. So from there it's pretty easy to search up on references.

If you run into a dead end and still hasn't found what you're looking for I recommend checking what the wikipedia page is citing as sources. You might not be able to access everything there, but some links should be able to redirect you to somethings.

In terms of paywalled scientific articles, disabling javascript usually works (right click on the page -> inspect element -> find the gear on the top right of the window it just showed up -> scroll down until you see a checkbox saying "disable Javascript" -> and refresh page). But if that doesn't work, Sci-Hub is fucking amazing. Just put down your ref or DOI and voilá!

For books I recommend checking the Internet Archive! They usually have what you're looking for, but also half of the time you can just type "Book name PFD" and it'll usually come up after a few search pages. Just make sure you know how to download stuff without getting a virus in you PC.

Reverse image search can also be pretty useful if you find an image related to the subject, since you can link up to other articles/blogs.

If you're STILL running in dead ends, switching up languages can help (probably not your case since your brazilian and most likely already searching in portuguese but yknow). Google translate extensions can really help looking into pages with languages you don't know! It's not perfect but it might help you get a gist of it.

And lastly if you want to know more about Indigenous people from Brazil, I got a couple of reccomendations (most in portuguese btw)!

Centro de Referência Virtual Indígena

Probably the BIGGEST resource on historical and political information on Indigenous groups. It hosts around 2,3 million documents ranging from bills passed, to personal diary entries. (aaaaand can link up to a lot of other cool resources)

Observatórios dos Direitos e Políticas Indigenistas

Translated from their website: OBIND aims to obtain and systematize quantitative and qualitative data on territorialization processes, territorial management, interethnic conflicts, human rights and quality of life of indigenous peoples and populations in reserved areas or in urban contexts, in order to enable visibility, comparability, evaluation and guidance for indigenous policies and promotion of their rights, notably those pertinent to respect for their uses, customs and traditions and the exclusive enjoyment of the lands they traditionally occupy, recognizing for this the sine qua non condition of promoting indigenous autonomy and overcoming guardianship as assimilationist legacy.

Indígenas pela Terra & Vida

Youtube playlist about many different Indigenous people recounting their experiences and narratives.

GENOCÍDIO INDÍGENA E POLÍTICAS INTEGRACIONISTAS: demarcando a escrita no campo da memória

Book titled: INDIGENOUS GENOCIDE AND INTEGRATIONIST POLICIES: demarcating writing in the field of memory

[sunniedesi]

Future Diary "The Live World": Part 2!

(TW: grainy images galore!)

Originally, I was expecting my first post on this topic to be the only one, but I've come across some more interesting content related to this event. More specifically, I've found 9 blog posts about the Future Diary concert from the artists who performed at the event! These artists include the voice actors from the show, Faylan, ChouCho, Nirgilis, and even Future Diary's screenwriter. These blog posts range all the way from details about the concert, to the making of 12th's costume.

Because of how much information and pictures this update will contain, I'll divide it into two parts: this post, which will include the blogs from Yukki's VA, Minene's VA, Faylan and ChouCho (these last two are singers btw), while the next post will focus on the making of 12th's costume, including blogs from 12th's VA and the screenwriter of Future Diary (who was comissioned to make part of the costume).

More information + translations under the cut.

First off, I want to add that there might be more blog posts about this event on different websites and accounts. It's hard to guess how many since most of the older Japanese blog sites are defunct now, meaning I'd need the direct link of the blog to view it on the Wayback Machine. In fact, there is one blog post that I can't add here because it wasn't archived on the Wayback Machine, and it's by Yuno's voice actress: Tomosa Murata. The blog itself is archived, but the entry about the concert is not.

With that out of the way, let's get to the posts that we do have. To start off, we have an Ameba post by Misuzu Togashi, Yukiteru's VA, which reads as follows:

Whenever I thought of this event, I always saw it as a distant future, yet it came so suddenly and ended so quickly… that must be proof of how much I enjoyed it. I want to thank everyone involved in the event from the bottom of my heart: the performers, staff, and above all, everyone who came to the venue and helped create such a great event. Seriously, thank you all! Here’s a little summary of how it all went down…

They brought in so many flowers!! Look, there’s even a flower Yukki! I was so surprised when I saw it!!!!! (@￣□￣@;)!! I loved it～♪ We even received flowers in the dressing room, I’m so grateful for it (sobs).

This is me with Rokugen Alice ((^∇^)) She was so wonderful!! And her basket skirt is so cute ～(;´д｀)

(From left to right) This is Faylan, me, Tomosa-chan and ChouCho. We talked a lot with ChouCho and Faylan in the dressing room, it was so much fun ♪ I was super excited!!!!!!

This is what it means to have a flower in both hands!! Sorry, bad joke… This is Minene (Aizawa Mai), Yukiteru (me) and Yuno (Murata Tomosa). Come to think of it, this is the same line-up as the poster, isn’t it? ♪ And as always, we have to talk about this guy!!

＼(◎)ゞ＜ Twii!! ＜(◎)＞＜ What’s the matter m’lady… don’t I look amazing?? He did it!!

Real 12th balls. (Note: These balls were signed by the cast and thrown to the audience at the end of the concert.)

I am not a loser… I’m anything but!! 12th was certainly the idol of Future Diary!! Thank you for making it so fun!!!

Here’s the cast all together! Kawahara-san (12th), Shiraishi-san (Kousaka), Aizawa-san (9th), Tomosa-chan (2nd) and me!! Thank you for all the help!!!!!

Thanks for coming to support me ☆～°･(ノД`)･°･ I was also able to invite both of my parents this time… I can’t thank them enough for all of their support. All the artists and staff made a wonderful performance, it was so exciting!! I wanted to join the crowd and sing along with them!! I couldn’t take photos of the stage, but the set looked like the Cathedral of Casualty!! It was one surprise after another since we entered the dressing room…  I also felt both like myself and Yukiteru during the concert. I’ve always been easily influenced by the roles I play, but this time, it felt like I was having fun together with Yukiteru all throughout the show…

This was Tomosa-chan’s first concert, yet she did so well!! Thanks, Yuno, I had so much fun!!!!!

It’s oveeeeeeer. It’s oveeeeeeer. I can’t believe it’s oveeeeeeer!! °･(ノД`)･°･ To end this… once again, thanks so much, everyone!!! I hope you keep loving Future Diary for a long time to come!! I wanna do a concert again!!!  Thank you for reading this far. I’m really satisfied with all the photos I took. I hope to see everyone again, after all… We haven’t gone to see the stars yet, have we? So, let’s meet again in the future ♪ヽ(´▽｀)/

Next up, we have the following post from Aizawa Mai (Minene's VA):

This has become an unforgettable day for me. To everyone who came to the event… I could see all of your faces, for the first time, I could see the faces of everyone who loves Future Diary. “Nice to meet you, do I look like Minene?” It’s very scary to stand on a stage carrying the weight of a character so beloved like Minene, especially since I’ll never actually be Minene. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, so I sang with all my heart. On the way home, I received so many nice comments on Twitter; I was so happy it brought me to tears. My followers always make me cry. Thank you, guys.  I wonder, how many times will Future Diary travel around the world? I’ll follow it wherever it goes. Also, look who I found walking through the dressing room ↓

The costume is so cool (lol) My dream of meeting OLDCODEX also came true! ↓

Oh dear…(lol) Their performance was amazing. And now for the cast ↓

They really helped me calm my nerves. And… My favorite people also came to watch ↓↓

My treasures ↑ That’s right, these are my favorite people. And the people who love me for who I am. There’s no one who can replace people this precious. At the end of the event, Minene said the following: “You are now Minene-sama’s hostages for the rest of your lives!!” If you keep being Minene’s hostages forever… that would make me happy (to put it mildly).

Now, we have the following Ameba post by Faylan (the singer for the second OP, first ED and HAPPY END theme):

It’s over… I’m so sad that it’s over… ・°・(ノД｀)・°・ The long-awaited Future Diary “The Live World” ended today! Ahhh! Thanks to all the people who came! I was so happy to meet the voice actors for Future Diary, it was really exciting! I also got acquainted with all the band members, which made me feel much more carefree throughout the concert ☆ Either way, I had a lot of fun～ Here are a few photos of the concert…

This is what my costume looked like ☆

And and ~ Here are Misuzu Togashi-san, who plays Amano Yukiteru, and Tomosa Murata-san, who plays Gasai Yuno ☆ Plus ChouCho-san.

Yukki!!!! Yuno!!!! I’m so happy to have met these people who I admire so much, I talked to them a lot ~☆ I was so excited!! Haha ε=ε=ε= ヾ(~▽~)ノ And I’m so grateful for everyone who came!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!! I got to sing the encore we made for the concert called “HAPPY END!” The background video we used was also made specifically for the concert! It was so touching ☆ Imagine a Future Diary… what-if! A what-if! I’m just hoping they make another installment (but that’s my own selfish wish…).  I wish I could be a part of it again… I know it would make me so happy. That’s how much I love this series ☆ I’m sad that the concert is over now, but… I promise I’ll try my hardest to get involved in more projects like this lol. I’ll try my hardest!!! Lastly, here’s a photo of my fellow Fay’s ☆

Thank you for all your hard work (｀・ω・´)ゞ

An interesting piece of information from this post was that the HAPPY END theme was made specifically for the concert, and first unveiled here as well, similarly to how the third OP was also unveiled at this event.

Next up is the following Ameba post by ChouCho (the singer for the 7th's theme and Yuno's second theme):

On Sunday, I performed at the “Future Diary The Live World” concert at Shibuya-AX. I sang “7th Heaven” and “Happy Fate”.  It was my first time singing both of these songs live, so I was really nervous (＠Д＠； But I’m glad that the audience was so kind. I wore black to match the image of Future Diary ♪ 

The blouse is from Jill Stuart and the skirt is from LANVIN en Bleu. After the show, I took photos with Faylan-san, Yukki’s VA, Misuzu Togashi-san, and Yuno’s VA, Tomosa Murata-san!

!!!

I was shocked when he walked into the dressing room (　 ﾟ ▽ ﾟ ;) I’ll also be performing tomorrow at an event in Nagoya! I’ll be performing some new songs live, so I’ll try to do my best o(^▽^)o

There are three other blog posts which are worth including, but I'm not going to translate them since they don't share any insights into the concert, rather basic event details (performing artists, conditions for the ticket sales, etc.). These posts are from Minoru Shiraishi (Kousaka's VA) , Nirgilis (the band that performed MurMur's theme) and a second post by ChouCho.

Stay tuned for part 3 :DD

[sillycoffeewizard]

Hi everyone, and this is my post with theories and headcanons about John Titor because I love her so much and she is my daughter!! <3

❗The theories and headcanons were created with the help of my wife, who I told everything I know about this character so far (my knowledge may be incomplete). These are just our thoughts and guesses. We may be wrong on some points, sorry!!! But we have been doing a little research with John Titor's story and her voice lines in the game, and today I want to share it

John Titor's diary

In her diary entries, John Titor notes the weather on a particular day. e.g.: June 16, rain; January 29, snow, and so on. perhaps this helps her remember events better

She describes war and chaos in the world. There could be several possibilities here:

She has experienced violence in the past (abuse, abusive behavior, etc.), which traumatized her, and the war is a veiled description of her experience. This is how she conveys her feelings and perception of the world around her;

There was a war at the time (the diary does not give the year), she was a victim of warfare and violence (she was taken prisoner, sent to a concentration camp and had horrible things done to her). She kept a diary at the time or wrote about past events;

You probably know the story of John Titor, who called himself a time traveler. On a forum dedicated to creepypasta he wrote "predictions of the future", detailing events that he said might happen. Maybe John Titor (the character) was fascinated by this story and just made it all up, based on what the real John Titor predicted, because her personality was built on this mysterious person. Or...John Titor (the character) calls herself a time traveler for a reason. Maybe she really is one, and in diary she describes an event from her time (war, cancellation of the Olympics, chaos in the world) while predicting the future. These are the two reasons she has that name in the game

Fan fact: her badge looks a lot like the symbol of the existing "John Titor Foundation" that published a book about the "time traveler" that included his forum entries

1. Reverse: 1999 wiki, 2. Wikipedia

John Titor's voice lines

I was using other people's translation of her hexadecimal code phrases into words. I'm also making assumptions based on the theories i've previously described

Under "to the future" she says "crazy like me.". According to previous assumptions about her diary entries, it can be said that she is traumatized by her experiences of violence or war. she may have depression and PTSD, and this phrase is her idea of the future, which is typical of people with mental disorders;

Under "hobby" she says "Corvette 1966 black". According to Google, that's the make of the car. Why is she talking about it? Let's look at "bond: night", her phrase is "wanna go on a drive". I think these phrases are related. Maybe she doesn't sleep at night (she has bruises under her eyes) and it's at night that she can spend time doing her hobby: she's literally driving a car. Or it's in her imagination and she's just reflecting in this time;

In the "hat and hair" column she says "hey don't touch me". She may have experienced violence, it could have been bullying by someone or it could have happened during the war she wrote about in the diary. In any case, she is not tactile at all as a result of the traumatic events, she hates to be touched and doesn't let anyone touch her. You can also see that her hair is cut unevenly, which could also be due to the traumatic events;

Under "clothing and torso" she says "a soldier's physique". This description could mean that she witnessed or participated in warfare and/or, again, experienced violence. Either way, she notes her resilience. She was able to endure and survive horrific events as if she were a soldier. Or is this another reference to "time traveler" John Titor, who called himself a soldier

Why does John Titor only interact with everyone using hex code?

Given the theory that she is indeed a time traveler, we can make the assumption that code is the "language of the future," a way of interacting between people whose lives are entirely built on and dependent on technology;

Perhaps because of the traumatic events I wrote about earlier, John Titor no longer wants to associate herself with people in any way, to be like them, to speak human language. She decided to completely restructure her personality and become something like a mechanical machine

That's it for now! I hope this post is enjoyed by the likes of theory and headcanon fans in this fandom, I really tried hard to make it as good as possible. Again, I don't consider everything described above to be canon, it's just speculation and conjecture. I wanted to share my thoughts, and I'm proud of it because I love John Titor!! Also my knowledge may be incomplete and my views may differ. I welcome constructive criticism and reasoning <3

[amive2567]

Ingredients: Katsuki Bakugou x GN!Reader (fem bodied)

Contains: angst, death, reader dies, fluff to angst, mental problems/illness, suicidal thoughts, some dark stuff, pregnancy and a child,

Type of order: coffee (Angst), cupcake (oneshot), small hot chocolate (bit of fluff)

Words: 3259

A/n: I wanted to write angst again, so there it is. A special form this time. Diary entries. I hope you like it :) I recomend listening to All I want by Kodaline for the more painfull experience. ( I don't know how to put songs properly into a post so it looks a bit big, I am sorry)

Masterlist

3579, Musutafu city, Endeavor agency

Hi, shitty book,

today we started our internship at the agency of icy hot`s dad. He is a dipshit, what he did to his family is absolutely crucial, but he is a strong-minded old bastard and an awfully good hero. (But All-Might is far better). He dragged us through whole Musutafu only to tell me how weak I am. Pah, but at least shitty Deku is worse (he didn’t tell us this but I am sure he is). Well, now we get to the point where things get interesting. We met other hero students from Ketsubutsu high. They had their internship at Backdraft’s fire brigade. They were trying to extinguish a burning office building but to no avail. Then the most beautiful person stepped in front, and without our interference, they just extinguished the fire. They were so talented it took my breath away and their H/C hair was just magnificent. (Don’t you dare call me a simp now, because I am not). Well anyways, they were pretty decent locking. We, or Endeavor, talked with Backdraft to discuss the incident. Icy hot, Deku and I just waited, but the shitty nerd had the brilliant idea to talk to this person. Of course, I had to talk to them first. So I shoved Deku aside and started talking to them. I got a lot of information about them, they are annoying and a chatterbox. At least they are kind and somehow stubborn. Their name is Y/N. I hope I will never meet them again. Another person similar to Kirishima would be a pain in my ass.

See ya

3581, Musutafu city, My house

Well, a book full of shitty feelings, I need to tell you a lot. It’s been two years. Shigaraki, AFO, and their goons had to put our world into misery. We fought in a fucking war with 17 and now I feel like an old man. At least all of our classmates survived, even Izuku. The last two years were a rollercoaster of emotions, I really realized now that my behavior was wrong and I put the nerd's life into misery, because of me he has an inferiority complex. I apologized and he accepted, even though he shouldn't have. I was a horrible person, treated people shitty just to get my own will. I nearly died, but who cares. Well after those horrible years, every one of us was forced to go to this stupid psych doctor, and since then I have been a bloody weakling. I cry more often than I want to admit. Argh, it pisses me off. Even though these years have been shitty, I finally met Y/N again. They got more handsome/pretty than before, and we’re visiting the same doc for our shitty PTSD and stuff. Every time after a session we met up for a small snack in a newly built coffee shop. They enjoy strawberry frappes with extra whipped cream. Horribly sweet is the best, according to them. We become something like friends, but I hate this. I don’t want to be friends with them. It just doesn't fit. They probably think I am shit anyways.

They make my heart race, and my cheeks flush red whenever I see them. They make me go insane, I always have those dreams of us kissing under the stars, but somehow they are in a relationship. Argh, so annoying. Well then we have to be friends I guess, I am not that shitty to let them cheat on their partner. I am so jealous, but I suppress it.

Bye.

3581, Musutafu city, Coffee shop

Good news, or bad news. I don't know. I guess it's good for me but not for them. Their partner cheated on them and accordingly, I am the only friend they have. I swear to god I will find this stupid person and blow them up. How can someone cheat on someone so goddamn great? I would never. Besides that, I could never. One look at them and I am over the moon. I never imagined that I would ever talk about someone this cheesy, but they made me spineless. Only when I am with them of course, I do still kick villains in their asses. Maybe one day, when they are healed from this incident I will tell them, but for now, I will be their supportive friend. I am on patrol at the moment, so I have to get going.

Bye

3581 Musutafu City, My house

Hello,

today Yn and I are visiting Izuku and Uraraka, to get some friendship bonding done, or as they call it a double date. Pathetic, we arent even dating. How could they call it this when they are the only couple. Anyways, we are going to an adventure park and I hate this. The huge rollercoasters make me feel uncomfortable. It's way too fast and too high. Just no, it's awful. But I don't want to look weak, even if I learned that expressing my feelings is not a bad thing. I am a hero. I shouldn't be scared of some shitty rollercoaster.

It was the most shitty experience I ever had. We rode the scariest rollercoaster in the park, and everyone fucking enjoyed it and I was screaming like a baby. So embarrassing. Y/N needed to comfort me, I enjoyed it but still. That's so weak of me. It's my job to protect them, not the other way around. I wish I wasn't such a weak and pathetic being. Well no I stop with the self-pity, that's even worse. I even didn't tell them what I feel for them, I was just so overwhelmed that I forgot it.

I fucking hate my pathetic ass.

3581 Musutafu City, My house

The Therapist wanted to see me more often, because of some sort of relapse. He doesn't have any clue what he's talking about. I am fine. Nothing bothers me, I just hate myself, what's the problem. I always did and I always will there is nothing to worry about. It's not like I want to die or something. Even though after some missions I think I should have died. YN got hurt last week. She only had a small concussion, but it was all my fault. I should have been hurt instead of them. According to my therapist, journaling and continuing to write in this shitty diary should make me feel better, but I don't feel any better. I still feel guilty for all the people I can't and couldn't save. I am supposed to rescue them. I am a soldier, not a whiny little brat. I haven't talked to Yn since they got out of that creepy hospital. They have this sad look on their face every time they see me and my heart breaks every time I see them, but if I would still talk to them and continue having feelings I would only hurt them. I just can't protect them, it would be better if I never met them.

Bye

3581, Mustafa city, Explosion agency

Yn confronted me today and to be honest they are so attractive when they are angry. They yelled at me for ignoring them for the past few months. I told them everything that I felt for them and what I thought would be the best. Even though they were furious about not telling them earlier, they comforted me (once again) telling me that I am not a God. I can't save everyone and it's not my job to do so, even though it's sad it's true. They promised to stay in my life and reassured me that they could handle themselves. After that I found a bit of hope, we skipped the talking phase and went over to dating. I listen to the advice of my therapist and try to do the things he tells me. It improved my mental state and I can now cope with little mistakes during missions. I no longer want to do reckless things to get hurt and I started to sleep better. I am currently reflecting on my childhood and improving things. I honestly tried to clean up my mistakes from my past. I talked with my mother about this and told her that I need a break from her. Yn was always by my side during these times. They are the right ones and I want to marry them, but that's something for the future. But for now, we need to heal our souls and become financially stable.

See you soon

3584 Hawaii, Our hotel

It's been a while, hasn't it? I haven't written in ages but now as I am finally mentally stable again, I thought about writing down what happens in my life and using this diary as an actual diary and not just some sort of self therapies. You will never guess what happened. I finally had the guts to ask Yn if they wanted to marry me and they said yes. I am so happy. They make me happy. Our wedding was incredible. Kirishima, my best man, put together an amazing speech. I tried to hide it, but I sobbed a bit. My favorite part was the wedding dance. That was when I realized I finally married the most perfect person in the whole world. Our vows were heartfelt and I will always remember them. I will remember how wonderful they locked. I will definitely glue a photo of our wedding onto this book.

At the moment we are on our honeymoon and I can't stop feeling happy. All the happiness that I never experienced, I experience now. Yn really makes me happy, their smart ass, their romantic side, their angry side, and everything else is what I love about them. Without them, my life would probably still be dark and sad. They lit my life on fire and I hope it will never extinguish. Never tell them I said that or well wrote it. They will tease me for being cheesy. We are thinking about starting a family, but for now, we will have a happy life together and when we have kids we still are as happy as we are now.

Bye for now, we will have some time for ourselves.

3585, Musutafu city, Bakugou household

I am back to write again and we finally got a dog and for my misfortune a cat. (Yn wanted it and they always get what she wants it's annoying, their puppy eyes can screw themselves) This bastard of a cat always wants to be pet. It just wants me probably because I am so hot (wink wink). Yn is happy with this shitty cat and sometimes I think that they love this animal more than me. It can be only one in this household to receive all their love and it's going to be me.

Another happy news is that Yn is finally pregnant. We don't know the sex yet but it doesn't matter anyway because we will love it unconditionally. The baby bum is not to be seen yet and no one knows because of the risky three months but I am so excited for our little monster. I should be careful how I call our little baby or Yn will scold me again for calling it a monster. Even though our little munchkin isn't even born yet, I love this child with everything I have. I never thought domestic life was something for me, but it indeed is. I would never do something different.

I will update you when our baby is born. See ya

3586, Musutafu city, Bakugou household

It's a girl. YAY. We finally can hold our little one. The birth was horrifying. Yn was screaming the whole time and they crushed my hand. I was so afraid that something would go wrong, but yn did so well. I love them both so much, my heart bursts with love and happiness at the moment. I really changed, haven't I? If I could tell my fifteen-year-old self that I would love my family and live a domestic life he would probably laugh and cringe. These past months, no years, since yn is by my side, were just too good to be true. It's like a dream come true. My feelings are flying all around and I don't feel like myself. Kiri already calls me soft. I am not soft, I just learned how to love correctly and how to express my true feelings. Hero work will now be extra difficult, I don't want to worry my little sunshine. She deserves the world and I want to live for her and guarantee her a beautiful life without pain (even though that might be hard).

I am the happiest man alive.

3589, Musutafu City, Bakugou household

My little girl can crawl now, and it's a pain in the ass. She is always on tour, through the house. Yn and I are always on track to keep her safe and it's exhausting. This little bundle is full of life and we can't get a hold of her. To be honest I hope she never loses this kind of liveliness. This child really is fulfilling my life. Hero work is getting more and more stressful, because of this one idiot who thinks he can just walk around and poison people, which results in many deaths. I hope I can fight him, to guarantee my little girl that she can live in safety. This bastard is causing a lot of losses among the heroes. Even Izuku doesn't know how to approach this fucking piece of shit. We will fight him at all costs. My girl will grow up in safety, I don't want her to experience the things I had to go through, the war, the abuse, the self-hatred, the depression, and all the other shitty stuff. A happy and fulfilled life is what she deserves.

It's getting late and I really should go to sleep, or Yn will drag me to bed, shouting at me for having a bad sleeping schedule. Even though they stay up all night to watch these ridiculous romance animes.

See ya

3595, Musutafu City , Hospital

It's been a while. There are some good news I suppose and a lot of bad ones. Our daughter got enrolled in first grade. She is really happy and bubbly just like Yn. Seeing her growing up lets my heart ache. One day she will grow up and become a successful and beautiful woman. I am glad that the current political situation is too hard to, understand for her, but I still notice that her parents are stressed and busy, but she still tries to cheer us up. Truly, she is an angel. The villain I told you about…. appeared and killed more than 100 people by now. We could get a chance on fighting him, but he couldn't get caught. Yn got hit by his quirk…. it is still not sure if the poison is out of their blood system, but it doesn't look good. They didn't wake up in the last 4 hours since the incident happened, but I need to be hopeful. They can't die, not now. Our daughter just got into school. I can't lose them. They are the light of my life. I just overcame the last rock bottom, I can't survive another one. Without them, the world would be dark and even our daughter could never fill the void that Yns death would leave. Even though I don't believe in god, I hope that some high might save them. I just want to take them home and continue living my life. The fight was hard and I couldn't even protect them. I was useless, just like I've always been. We still wished us luck to get out there safely, but we didn't kiss or said the typical I love you. I regret it so much. I want to turn back time, to say everything I want them to know. I love them so much, it is sometimes unbearable and without her, I would never have become the man I am now.

I will have to have hope, they will make it out alive.

3600, Musutafu, Bakugou house

They didn't make it. They died weeks after I wrote the entry. I couldn't tell you back then. I was, no I am a broken man. Only a shadow of the person I was. Their death had made me into the monster I was before I met them, I am coldhearted and stoic. I don't see the purpose in life anymore. Every day the pain clung to me like a nasty shadow. I want this to end, but I can't since Dn will suffer even more. Losing her parent took her bright soul away, and she now tends to become like me, and I really hope I can change that. I am a horrible person. She shouldn't be like me. She should be like Yn, kind, smart, brilliant, and overall wonderful. Maybe it's because I miss Yn so much that I want our daughter to be their replacement or it's my wish. I can't separate these thoughts anymore. I think I want both. Everything is beyond pointless in this life. Getting up, bringing Dn to school, and going to work. This cycle is more exhausting now than ever, there is no happy person to come home to anymore. No one asks what villain you kicked into jail or questions about the students from UA, who are doing their internships. I just want my happy domestic life back and my partner. I miss them so much, it's unbearable. It would be just better if I could be with them. It would be better If I died...

3601, Musutafu city, Bakugou house

I took revenge. The bastard who killed Yn is dead. I killed him with my bare hands. To protect my daughter and all the other citizens. I felt fulfilled for one second, but then I realized that this act would never give me Yn back. It was pointless. at least I got also hit with his quirk before he died. I am so sorry Dn for dying and leaving you completely alone, but I also couldn't continue this life without Yn. I hope you can forgive me... I want you to be yourself and fight for the things you believe in. I want you to be the best of yourself. Please don't be sad for too long. I was never the dad that you deserved. I hope Kirishima will take care of you...

Her weak finger caressed the blood stains on the wrinkled paper.

Tears clouded her vision as she closed the orange notebook. Her uncle patted her on the back and tried to hold her close. “Your dad really loved them. I am sorry. He just really loved Yn. The villain released him from his agony. It's not your fault you were so little you weren't able to protect them.” he tried to comfort her. But comforting was unnecessary. Her parents are dead, killed by a crazy poisoned guy. She hated this guy, even though her father already killed him. The diary should have been some kind of present from her uncle, but it felt like a curse. The rain pattered o both of them “Let's go inside or we will catch a cold. We can visit them tomorrow.” Kirishima grabbed her by her arm and got her away from the graveyard.

[jimblejamblewritings]

just getting thoughts out

TW: COCSA, CSA, physical abuse

18+, minors do not under any circumstance interact. You will be blocked on sight. I'm sure you're a great person but this post is still 18+ because of the subject matter so you have to keep it scrolling.

Note: I debated even writing this but then I realized that this is a personal blog and I don't have to hide things. Also I accidentally stumbled across a Lily Orchard/Courtney Peet video which has triggered the hell out of me (I had never heard of these people before but now I do and i wish I didn't) so now I need to do something to try and calm down.

That being said, this is just a diary entry of sorts and no one is obligated to read this or respond to this. That isn't why I wrote it. I just can't afford therapy and need to get my thoughts out. Also, I've never wanted to discuss my trauma with my face actually attached to it because it makes me uncomfortable despite living it but this blog is relatively anon. At some point in the future, I'll probably delete this because it feels too intimate and personal to just have up forever. So no reblogs please. I think that's all the warnings I have.

There is something really hard about realizing your brain convinced you that you were guilty of something you didn't actually do in order to prevent you from remembering what happened to you. It's kind of worse than believing you were guilty of something. That's how I feel anyway because now I have to process two painful things and one isn't even real which makes it more frustrating to have to process imaginary trauma.

I guess it's more than one thing but they relate in some way. I think. Anyway, when I was a senior in high school I lost my virginity (sorry mom). It wasn't bad or anything but a fun fact health class didn't teach is that it turns out having sex for the first can trigger repressed memories of your sexual assault. Wild time. It can also trigger a whole host of memories, including the fact that I fabricated a whole lie in my mind and plagued myself with guilt for years over something that didn't happen.

The lie I created: I was a perpetrator of COCSA around age 12 or 13 or something like that. The age kept changing but I placed myself in middle school, that much was consistent.

The truth? Where do I begin. The memories that unsurfaced? returned? weren't perfect pictures and I honestly thought that I was trying to cope with the "truth" by flipping the script. Except certain things were way more consistent (always the same actually) and I finally had the courage and idea to look up certain details of the memories that overlapped in both the lie and the truth.

I don't know if this was the start of me finding myself in these bad situations or if it was just a very unfortunate incident but I went with my grandparents to go visit their family in another state and when we were there our family in-laws were there as well. My cousins and I were playing in the house and bouncing a play around and one of the in-laws didn't like that so he slapped me across the face. This memory has never left me.

I remember exactly what the house looked like, what he was wearing, and how he told me to "come here" and I thought we were just going to get yelled at. Which looking back is weird because I was the second youngest kid there. I was nine and two of my cousins were around twelve and even they weren't the oldest kids there. But he called me over and full on slapped me across the face.

We should have left the house because my cousins, bless them, did go get the other adults but all they did was scold him and I think I was treated to ice cream or something sweet. We stayed at the house and I watched my cousins play the new Spider-man: World of Shadows video game. Despite vividly remembering a near drowning in the pool the next day, I don't remember the rest of that night or the rest of the trip at all. Just that slap and the video game.

But after that I became way to hypersexual for my age. I had literally just gotten the period talk in school and knew literally nothing about sex so becoming hypersexual without any concept of what that means is actually concerning looking back on it with an adult brain (or even teenage brain because I was concerned as a senior as well). To this day I still don't remember that trip aside from the slap and the video game so I honestly can't say it was more than a coincidence that this all happened right after without it being just speculation.

I'm not speculating on my friends or their families at all because this could have been an idea they came up with all on their own without knowing what all that means, kids do it all this all the time, but a couple of them had introduced me to playing house and playing doctor which, yeah, not great.

My mom did tell me not to play it but I was a kid and didn't understand what was so bad about it after we started playing so of course I didn't tell her. We kept playing it. I don't think it went as far as some people's horror stories of playing doctor and house but it still wasn't great. Unfortunately, I showed my other friends and family friends around my age playing house and that was the basis of me creating the idea in my mind of being a perpetrator. I'm not sure why twelve was the age I stuck to but I think that I just blocked out everything from about nine to twelve and when I started to remember then my brain had to do a 180 and just flip the script real quick. It still wasn't right to play house but I'm trying to grapple with the fact that I didn't know and why it happened in the first place.

I think maybe 12 stuck not just because the memories started coming back but also because I finally had sex ed class around 11/12. So at that point, I understood what was going on but that's just my thought. I really don't know why my brain picked those ages but little innocuous things point to the age being so much younger (let alone the situations that I fabricated just not happening) but I never wanted to look up the dates of the things I remembered. Subconsciously, I probably knew why because every single small detail I remember comes from the time period between September 2009 and April or May of 2010 which is a hell of a short time to have everything happen and I'm just still kind of shaken by it.

I'm also a bit freaked out about playing house because some of my family friends were like 13-15 and egging us on or laughing about it and that's just not the appropriate response. At 15, I went to my school guidance counselor to report that exact thing happening between some people I knew so I can't imagine that another 15 year old wouldn't have known not to participate with us let alone joke about it at that age.

I wish the playing house with friends was the worst part but if it was then I probably wouldn't have tormented myself for years but instead look at it like others do where they just think it's so embarrassing and they can't believe they played doctor but they were just kids so they cringe and move on.

The worst part was actually with some family friends' friends. My parents used to work out of town a lot so I would stay with a babysitter. But the baby sitter was my mom's friend who she knew since they were kids who agreed to watch me for free. Because of that, I met a lot of her friend's kids and we became really close. Somehow, I ended up babysitting sometimes which I don't think is legal in any state to let a 9 year old watch a toddler and some pets but nothing ever happened and I don't think she was ever gone for very long but just running quick errands. We survived. I never even touched the stove so it was kind of a success.

I loved it though. I got to watch Lost and play video games that I couldn't play at my own house. My mom wasn't exactly happy about the Lost show because of being so young but also she let me watch Supernatural at 5 so I think she gave up on stopping that. Especially after I begged to keep watching because the last season was about to premiere and I already watched the other five seasons. I ended up being over just all the time, even on weekends so I was very close with all my "Aunt's" friends and their kids.

We even made very embarrassing music videos to Single Ladies, Rude Boy, and Tell Me Something I Don't Know that I still remember and cringe at all the time. And we went to amusement parks. We were all kind of just one big family, calling each other's parents "Aunt" and "Uncle", always wanting to see each other, making plans for vacations we couldn't afford or even go on by ourselves. But this led to me being invited over to their house for some party. I can't remember if it was for a birthday or just a party but I went with my mom.

Honestly, the day started off bad. We went to the community pool and some college guys thought it would be funny to stalk us and chase us with their car throughout the entire neighborhood. After a while, I guess they got bored because they told us it was just a joke and to calm down and then just drove away.

We went back to the house and all the kids went upstairs. The older kids let me go with them because I didn't want to play Barbie and Bratz with the kids my age. I should have known they were up to no good when they said that we're all going to go hang out in the closet because it's better but I followed them. The conversations quickly turned sexual and I just couldn't keep up with their conversations. Probably because I was 9 and they were around 13 or 14 and older but it just felt like I couldn't follow because I wasn't cool enough to know. I honestly don't know if they even talked about anything else before the conversation became sexual.

The group was pretty big but I only remember the family friend and the guy that assaulted me clearly. Everyone else's faces are just detailess blobs. The segue into the assault wasn't subtle but I guess you don't have to be when dealing with children. The family friend talked about humping and then offered to show me. Then they closed the closet door completely and turned off the light in it.

I've never seen them again since that day. But I don't remember telling my mom what happened or telling anyone so I wonder if she just had a hunch or something happened where I told her or someone did? When we left the closet, she let me have two slices of pizza and then promptly put me in the car and took me home.

Right after that, I stopped playing house. The hypersexuality stopped. And for awhile I just had no memories of those few months. None at all, not even school memories. I feel like for most of age nine, I just blacked out for the longest.

Fast forward to being 15 and my friend was dating a 26 year old which is a whole different can of worms that I do not want to unpack. None of us thought it was bad that he slept with her and I didn't voice it at the time but something in the back of my mind was screaming but I didn't know why exactly. That was the start of the floodgates of my memory coming back. The story I made up kept popping up in my mind throughout the day but only the details like they were begging me to lookup when Lost came out or when I got the newest Band Hero game for Christmas or when I actually lived in a specific house but I wouldn't do it.

I've tried to write this before when I was 17 and the memories came back. But I did that in real life, testing the water with my friends first. I got told that my assault didn't seem that dark to them. That shut me up until now. I've just been so afraid to say what happened and how I would be perceived in all aspects negative or positive. But I think that's made me feel worse over the years.

I don't really have an end to this. I've calmed down severely after writing this from the whole Lily Orchard thing so I feel better I guess. I think I'll still need years to really unpack what has happened in a context that doesn't leave me feeling guilty all the time but just writing everything feels like a necessary step.

[sonderwrit]

C117: BUG

I Have to Be a Great Villain - Masterpost

(Note that author also put out a mini-chapter 116.5 which is just diary entries, but I'll translate that later.)

Author's 木火然 Weibo post:

Translation: I sincerely invite everyone to look at the Demon Clan Wang Yi (not really). There's a lot of plot with this arc, wrote myself to death with it, there'll probably be plenty of dialogue going forwards!

(Qin Xian's dialogue bubble gets blurry)

Qin Xian: Disciple…

QX: Disciple.

QX: Disciple!

Wang Yi: ?!

WY: Master…? What happened to me?

QX: Disciple's true qi suddenly turned chaotic during breakthrough and Master couldn't call you awake.

WY: (I seemed to have seen something ominous just then. What invading army? And there was a mountain of corpses…)

QX: !

QX: (Why would he see hallucinations in his inner consciousness? Is it the beginning of cultivation deviation, or the awakening of an unusual bloodline?)

WY: Then…am I all right like this? Will it be like the book where the disciple had a troublesome secret for the Master?

WY: (These strange visions appeared in my childhood too.)

QX: …..

QX: It won't. Is there anywhere else you're uncomfortable?

S-0: ……

S-0: (Huh, are these signs of the villainous supporting character showing themselves?) <- *misunderstood*

S-0: [The original villainous senior brother Immortal Sovereign Wan Yi* did have a bloodline from the demon race. Otherwise, he wouldn't have rebelled during the Daoist-Demon War in the latter half of the story.]

*Immortal Sovereign Wan Yi is Wang Yi's daoist name

S-0: (Thank goodness Host's memories are sealed. If his brain was running off like a train and the Sword Saint, [slaughterer of all demons under heaven], read his mind, the story would end just like that.)

—

???: Sword Saint Qin?

???: You're Sword Saint Qin, right?

QX/WY: ?

???: As expected.

[Luo Wenliu - Protagonist shou of Defying the Gods, originally expected to show up one year later.]

Luo Wenliu: I am the sect leader's new disciple Luo Wenliu. I have the ability to divine Heavenly secrets.

LWL: Hurry and get away from fim. Your disciple Wang Yi—

*uncorks*

LWL: —is a snake demon!

S-0: (WTH?!)

S-0: [Isn't the protagonist shou Luo Wenliu supposed to join the sect a year later after being noticed by the Sword Saint?]

S-0: (Why did he show up early?)

S-0: (He even knows about Wang Yi's demonic bloodline, as if he just showed up to tattle.)

S-0: [Could it be another transmigrator? Let me connect to the other System to see…]

-SYSTEM FOUND…- *zzzap* -SEARCH RESULTS SHOW NO EXISTENCE OF OTHER SYSTEMS.-

S-0: ?

S-0: (What was that just then, me seeing things? Strange, I thought it found something, but it suddenly disappeared.) [Refreshing it is useless too.]

S-0: Could it be…

S-0: An actual world BUG—appeared? (That's way too much of a coincidence!)

—

LWL: That there, it's a bit sudden, but after divining the results, I came to find you straightaway.

WY: *hisses in pain*

LWL: Although you might not know who I am yet.

S-0: (In any case…)

S-0: (Since the Main System is here, I have to report it.)

LWL: But I can tell you lots of things only you know, so please believe m e.

QX: Oh. *turns away emotionlessly*

LWL: Sword Saint, believe me! *darts in front*

LWL: Disciple genuinely wants to help you.

LWL: Because…

[I lived a lifetime in this world…]

[But for some reason, regressed to Heaven's chosen one as a child.]

LWL: I…regressed?

[With memories of my previous life intact.]

LWL: Then can I find my lovers ahead of time and stop the Daoist-Demon War?

White cat: Meow~

LWL: Because disciple has divined that disciple is—

LWL: YOUR FUTURE DAO COMPANION!

—

QX: ("Regressed"?)

QX: Little friend*, please don't lie.

*little friend - 小友 xiaoyou, common way for Daoists to refer to well, acquaintences and stuff,  like "kid" or "fellow"

QX: Let's go, he's probably not telling the truth.

*WY grabs his wrist*

QX: ?

QX: What is it, disciple?

WY: Ah, sorry.

WY: I grabbed on without realizing it.

WY: (Eh?)

WY: (What was I thinking about just then.)

WY: (My chest suddenly feels tight after smelling the wine in that child's hand.)

WY: (As if something important…was taken away by someone.)

—

FLASHBACK

Qin Xian (X): Apologies, this is the only way to get you back.

QX: Don't blame me.

BA-THUMP–

—

LWL: Hey, did you guys hear what I say? Sword Saint, you're being tricked by him!

LWL: Senior brother Wang has the blood of the snake clan, he'll definitely betray the sect and you in the future.

LWL: This gourd holds realgar wine capable of forcing the snake demon to reveal its true form. Senior brother's obviously affected by it, doesn't Sword Saint get it yet?

WY: Urk—

QX: Disciple?

QX: Little friend Luo, please close the lid of the wine.

WY: Hahhh— hiss—

LWL: ….!

LWL: Sword Saint…no way, right?

LWL: Aren't you supposed to slaughter all demons under Heaven?

LWL: Didn't you say you liked me the most?

LWL: Was it all a lie?!

QX: (You're the one who can't tell human from demons.)

QX: (Forget it, since it's Wu Zhen's disciple, I'll leave the discipline to him.)

LWL: ?!

LWL: Sword Saint, please wait!

LWL: As long as Sword Saint speaks a little longer with this disciple, you'll understand my good points and who's truly treating you with sincerity.

LWL: Disciple believes that Sword Saint Qin has a righteous mind to see right from wrong.

LWL: So I'll follow you from now on until you see Senior Brother Wang's true nature, and severely punish the snake demon—

WY: You're so noisy.

WY: Snake demon this, snake demon that, there should be limits to what you say!

WY: When was it ever a little kid's right to tell Master what to do?

LWL: *startled!*

WY: As I see it, the one who's problematic—should be you, right?

WY: (Hahah, the pain's killing me. Why did the seal on my memories break?) [But there's no time to think, I need to assume my character role.]

—

Sword Sect's Disicple-Raising Diary (Pt. 4)

XX Year XX Month XX Day Clear skies, my disciple doesn't seem to have a rebellious phase?

QX: *studying contents of book* WY: ZZzz…

XX Year XX Month XX Day I really think he has none.

WY: ?

XX Year XX Month XX Day He does.

WY: I grabbed on without realizing it.

—