#sorry I mean your $4000 a month apartment.

[crowcryptid]

if ur city ever starts getting flooded with people from nyc or california you need to get tf out when you have the chance

^ spray painted message in post apocalypse setting

[dammn-dean]

Unexpected

Pairing: Simon Riley x Female Reader

Words: 4000

Warnings: Pregnancy, secrets, probably a bit out of character

I wanted to write a pregnant!Reader fic so here we are... I haven't written in a long time and this is my first time writing a COD character! Any and all feedback is welcome 🖤

Shout out to @babygirl-riley for helping me with this. Thank you!

“Simon?” your small voice echoes from the phone.

“Yeah?” He answers, in his typical bored voice.

Only letting the phone ring once before answering. Obviously he wouldn’t have answered if he wasn’t available at the moment, but you never know.

“Are you… busy?”

Your voice is different… raising Simon’s curiosity. He could only think of a handful of times since he met you that you had ever even tried calling him without sending a text first to check if he was in at base or not.

“A little, why?” He doesn’t mean to sound so gruff, but he does. He also wasn’t necessarily busy, but he wasn’t in the mood to chat with you. His day was especially shit today.

“I.. um well,” you hadn’t had time to come up with what to say. “I am sorry for not telling you before now and if you wish that I would have never said anything… well I’m sorry for that too.” Your words were rushed together, barely making any sense.

“Just spit it out will ya?”

You physically flinch from his rashness. Simon wasn’t always this way, but the past few months it seemed he stayed irritated at you. Just the sensitivity of the subject was already difficult enough, paired with his attitude towards you. This was going to be a rough call. “Sorry..” your heart is beating so fast you are wondering if it’s making matters worse, “I just wanted to tell you-“

Pain shoots through you, what once was a small little reminder of the state your body was in began its first real shock of what was happening. You let out a gasp and small noise of discomfort. That made him stand up from the chair he was sitting in and call your name over the phone. You almost missed it, the pain causing the phone to be pulled from your face.

“Love, what is it? Are you hurt?” Simon was actually worried now. Once the pain subsides you huff a small laugh. “Well, kind of yeah but no I’m okay.”

Simon’s brows pulled together at that, he was more confused than ever. Before waiting for a response he snagged his keys from his pants as his legs carried him to the parking lot at base. “Where are you?” He all but growled.

“No, it’s okay, you don’t need to come to me. I’m okay,” you smiled to yourself. You had convinced yourself you could do this alone. Damn your weakness for even calling him to begin with. “I am about to head to the hospital.”

“What do you mean? Tell me where you are… I’m on the way.” You could hear the door to his truck slamming and the engine cutting on.

“You may not want to once I say what I have to say,” you whispered.

“I’m pregnant.”

Simon felt his blood run cold. He didn’t speak, just continued his way out of the base. Brain not keeping up with what was happening.

“I… have been pregnant. And the baby is coming. I- Our baby is coming Simon.” Your eyes squeezed shut with the confession. Your heartbeat was pounding in your ears so loud you almost missed his response.

“Where are you?” He actually growled this time.

“The apartment…” you replied meekly.

You could feel another round of contractions starting up. You dropped to the floor and before allowing yourself to scream over the phone you dropped it to your lap, and road out the contraction. Once the pain eased up some you heard your name being repeated from the speaker, his voice urgently asking for a response. You picked back up the phone, “I’m sorry…” you felt tears prickling your vision.

--------------------------------------------

You hadn’t meant to keep it a secret. What started as something you happily found out turned into your best kept secret.

It was around the two year mark of you starting this relationship with Simon. You two had met and after many months of being friendly you had fallen for him first… it was quick for you to love him and you had fallen hard. Simon took a little more time to open up and things weren’t always easy, but you loved each other thoroughly.

Simon was gone on a month long mission when you started noticing something was up. You were getting queasy from random things that never had upset your stomach before. That was your first clue to get a test, so without much thought when you ran to the store for some things for dinner after work, you grabbed a pregnancy test. You got home, started working on dinner, making one of Simon’s favorites as a surprise. He was coming back for a short while before heading off for another mission and he was due home any moment. Since he hadn’t made it home yet so you figured you would bring the test into the bathroom and get it over with. Yet 5 minutes later the small white plastic showed you the truth - Positive.

You sat in your apartment’s bathroom, looking at the little plus sign. Mind reeling, a thousands thoughts flying through your head. Were you ready to become a mom? How would Simon take the news? Does he even want to be a dad? How would you balance having a baby with Simon’s work schedule?

He had knocked at the door, shaking you from your thoughts. “You alright love?” He had been in your apartment for about 10 minutes, waiting for you to leave the bathroom attached to the bedroom.

You hadn’t even noticed him coming into the apartment. Without much thought you grabbed the test, tossed it in the bin and quickly washed your hands before opening the door.

You grinned at him, “Yes of course. Sorry!”

Your arms wrapped around him instinctively as a greeting, but his body tensed instead of attempting to hug back like he usually did. You withdrew with a questioning face.

“I missed you,” you tried to adjust your face into a small smile. “Are you okay?” You questioned.

“Yeah.” Was all he offered, then he headed into the bathroom. Your eyes widened and followed his back until he shut door behind him. Definitely must not have been a great day at work. Simon doesn’t tell you much about what he does day to day, but you can’t imagine any of it is easy on him.

So without asking again, or following after him you went back to making dinner. Now your thoughts were muddled of the thoughts of parenthood, and this baby. Your face couldn’t help the small grin that popped up, a hand coming to gently rest on your stomach. By the end of cooking everything and getting plates ready you had decided you would tell Simon after dinner. Sure you only have taken the one pregnancy test, but you wanted to go ahead and give him the news. That’s when you realized he still hasn’t came from the bedroom, that used to be just yours and slowly has turned into both of yours. Now it was your turn to knock on the door to the bathroom.

“Dinner is ready… I made one of your favorites to celebrate you being home.” You couldn’t help the cheerful tone your voice held.

The door ripped open at that. His hair was still wet from his shower, he was dressed down in sweats and a black t-shirt. You smiled at him and reached a small hand out to him.

His eyes met yours for a moment before chancing a quick glance to your outstretched hand. “Not hungry.”

You were usually pretty receptive to his reactions and as much as it confused you, you dropped your hand back down to your side. “Oh okay… well I will put it in the oven to keep warm until you are,” you suggested. Your stomach was rolling, for many reasons. The news of the pregnancy, the actual sickness the pregnancy was bringing you and how Simon was acting had your nerves on edge.

“You go ahead,” his eyes didn’t quite meet yours “The crew and I have a lot to debrief on… we leave on the next mission in a few days. I think I’m going to head back to base for the night,” he bluntly stated. He gently walked past you into the room, collecting items into his duffel bag.

“Well I made dinner especially for you, I hoped we could enjoy it tog-“

“I said I wasn’t hungry.” He didn’t yell, but he definitely spoke louder to you than he typically did.

You couldn’t help the small breath of air you took in, and he rolled his eyes at that. “Please,” he said your name with a sigh. “I am not in the mood for this.”

“Okay,” you whispered. Eyes welling up with tears, but before they could fall in front of him, you turned to head back into the kitchen. You quickly wiped the tears from your eyes before they could fall as you made your way into the kitchen. You grabbed the food you had spent the last hour or so working on and dumped it into the trash. You flung the pot into the sink before reaching for the next dish to toss.

“What are you doing?” Simon grasped your arm before you could throw away the main entrée.

“I’m throwing out the food. What does it look like??” You couldn’t help the angry tone your voice took on. “I made all of this for you. And you don’t want it, so I’m getting rid of it.”

“It’s not that I don’t want it… I just-“

“You aren’t hungry,” You cut him off. “I get it.” Using your free hand to wipe a stray tear that was threatening to fall.

His eyes softened and he released your arm. “I’m sorry… yeah? You know I hate when I get back then immediately have to leave again.” Simon tried to comfort you, but it was too late. “I probably should have just stayed at the base as is… I just have a lot on my plate.”

“Yeah I got it,” you coldly replied as you sat the now cold entrée onto the counter. To know you spent all day thinking of things to make his day back special… and to hear him wish he wouldn’t have even came. Just breaks your will. You then felt tired to your bones, unwilling to argue as you decided to call it a night. As you head to your bedroom, over your shoulder you said “Tell the boys I said hi.”

--------------------------------------------

That was the last time you had seen Simon in person. A little over 7 months ago since he had stepped foot into your apartment. You had given him the silent treatment for a while. Well, if he would have had access to a phone you would have definitely given him the silent treatment.

He was gone with no way to contact him. Which you didn’t mind, initially. It had been a few weeks since Simon had left and since you found out about the pregnancy. Things were beginning to catch up and take a toll on you. From the physical aspects of being pregnant, to you being lonely with Simon being gone for so long, and work was awful. Your stomach was starting to grow, everyone around you noticing the baby bump but you never acknowledged it. You hadn’t even gotten to break the news to Simon, it didn’t feel fair to talk about the baby to random co-workers. A few doctors appointments had come and gone, confirming the pregnancy. You had decided to not find out the sex of the baby or really even look at the screen during the sonogram appointment. Just letting the doctor check on the baby’s health, that was all that mattered to you.

It’s the middle of the night, your bladder waking you. You got up and made your way to the bathroom to relieve yourself. Once you were back in bed under the covers you felt sleep pulling you back in but before you could fall asleep your phone started to vibrate. Incoming call from an unknown number. Simon

You were thinking about not answering but you decided to pick up the phone anyway.

“Hello…” you answered quietly.

“Sweetheart,” Simon sighs “I’m sorry to be calling you so late. I finally had access to a phone and I, well… missed you.”

Your lip was pulled between your teeth. You were feeling all kinds of emotions. You wanted to still be upset with him, but at this point you couldn’t even feel anything except the loneliness of life without him here.

“I miss you too,” you responded as you adjusted yourself in bed to sit up right.

“Fuck love, missed your voice.” He is talking low, probably just barely out of earshot from the guys. “Hate leaving how I did, and going this long from ya.”

“Was pretty bad Si,” you spoke honestly. “Don’t get me wrong… I know your job is insanely difficult and hard on you. I just wish sometimes you would think about what it does to me too.”

Simon sighs again, “I know… I just… I’m trying.”

And he was trying, he made that obvious to you. His communication was better than it was in the beginning. Simon is a very closed off man, and he has let you in more than he ever told himself he would allow another person in. You just have that way about you, and it drives him crazy in the best way.

“I wish I was calling with better news, it looks like it’ll be a while before I’m able to come back.”

“What is ‘a while’?” You whisper back, suddenly feeling choked up. He had already been gone for longer than usual.

“Price is thinking a couple weeks here, but we have some new intel… may keep us busy for the next couple of months, love.” Simon hated breaking this to you after staying away so long. Being with him was insanely unfair to you, but you had convinced him this was the life you wanted. You wanted him.

“Okay.” You had tears falling freely now. And you brought a hand to rest on your tummy.

“I have something to tell you,” you started.

“Hang on sweetheart.” He interrupted. You heard commotion on the other end of the phone. Then Simon’s voice was back, “I’m sorry, I have to go. When I’m back at base I’ll be able to text ya, yeah?”

“Oh… okay. Yeah.” You gave yourself a sad smile. “I love you. Stay safe.” As much as Simon needed to know about the baby… how wasn’t the time.

“Always.” And with that he hung up.

That was the last time you attempted to bring up the baby to him. You realized that Simon was going through a lot and you just could never figure out the best way to say it.

He did text you here and there, letting you know he was okay. Simon let you know when they were back at base a few days ago, with an excuse as to why he couldn’t come to your apartment. You wish that you could recall the reason, but it just seemed like maybe he didn’t want to come home to you. Simon just hadn’t been able to make the time to come see you… Until now.

Simon stood in the doorway watching your frantic form gather things from around the apartment. Shoving some things into a bag, before disappearing and returning with a baby bag that seemed to be full. That’s when your eyes connected. You felt your eyes well up with tears, oh how you missed him.

“Simon,” your lips trembling with emotion.

He honestly couldn’t place what he was feeling. Seeing you for the first time in months, and here you were, a few feet away with a hand on your pregnant belly… Belly holding /his/ child. A child he would have never known existed if you didn’t bravely call him moments ago. He ripped the balaclava off his head, showing you the true emotion of his face. One of the downsides of always wearing a mask, he can’t regulate his face well.

“Sweetheart,” Simon’s voice was almost unrecognizable. “I’m here… what do you need?”

You let a tear fall down your cheek and smiled. “I’m so happy you’re here.” You took the few steps left between you and reached in to hug him.

Although at the last moment you hesitated, unsure if he wanted the contact. Instead you let your hands awkwardly fall to your sides. Simon had never been so upset with himself. Watching you want nothing more than to hug him but withdrawing from him. You were always overly cautious of his needs, but had he ever shown you the same? You were pregnant with his child, yet you didn’t want to tell him the news, always scared you were a bother to him. Has he made you feel this way? All this time away from you… for what? He could have made the time to check in on you.

“I’m glad I’m here too, love…” his voice held a softness to it only held for you. His hand reaches out to brush softly against your arm. Softening you up to his presence. Unsure of what caused the next words to come out, Simon muttered “May I?” His eyes met yours before he glanced at your stomach.

Your heart was racing, blood pounding in your ears. “Of course Si…” and his hand immediately came to rest on your belly.

You let out a small gasp at the contact. Your hands gravitating to his ungloved hand resting on your protruding stomach. Stopping yourself an inch or two from making contact.

“Can you make me a promise?” Simon spoke softly, eyes meeting yours again.

“Anything, you know that,” you smiled at him.

“When you want to touch me, please just do it. When you want me to touch you, you tell me. If you have something you want to tell me�� just say it. But especially when you need or want me here with you… you tell me love.” Simon felt the sensation of being choked up, he only hoped his voice didn’t crack. “I love you and I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you,” he whispered. He kept one hand on your stomach while the other came to grasp your face. “I am so sorry.”

You couldn’t even try to stop the tears from falling now. “It’s okay Simon… I am so glad you are here no-“ another contraction began. You grit your teeth, trying to remember the breathing you had practiced, but the pain was still there.

This is probably the biggest thing that Simon was not prepared for. Had he spent his life inflicting pain upon others? When needed, yes. How many people had he seen in distress and never felt one thing about it? Basically every time. Yet here he was watching you writhe in pain, wasn’t something he handled well.

“Jesus Christ…” he grasped onto you. Keeping you upright. “Let’s get to the hospital, yeah?”

You didn’t put up a fight, letting him help you to his truck. Before he could open the door you stopped him.

“What’s the matter?” He asked worriedly. “We can’t…” you took a deep breath before continuing. “We can’t drive the baby back in your truck. The car seat is in my car.” You avoided his eyes.

Simon felt a pang of something up his spine, similar to jealousy but close to disappointment in himself. You were completely and wholly ready to have this baby without him. He felt a huge sense of pride in you and your independence but he was also upset at himself for making you do all of this alone.

“Alright yeah, makes sense,” he kept his voice calm. Leading you to your car, asking for keys and guiding you in gently to the passenger side.

“I’m going to run backup for your things lovie… I’ll be back in a minute.” With that he was off and Simon was back in under the minute. Bags in hand, tossing them in the backseat before heading to the closest hospital.

Simon is as silent as ever. He was doing his best to drive safe, but he also had a huge sense of urgency to him. His mind couldn’t slow down and allow him to catch up with what was happening. Thoughts clouding his mind and taking up all his capacity to think.

“I’m sorry..” you started again. Breaking him of his thoughts. God how long had he been silent? “I know you’re busy and I ha-“

“Stop,” he said with a sigh.

Your eyes cut to him quickly, before returning to your lap.

“Please stop saying sorry to me,” eyes cutting to you. “I am the one who is sorry and who should be begging for your forgiveness. I can’t believe I haven’t made you understand what you are to me. I’m not upset about you not telling me, sweetheart. I’m just sad you have been through all of this alone.” He let out a dry chuckle. His hand reached out for your stomach again. “I have done nothing in this life to deserve you.” He let out a wet chuckle, “but fuck… am I glad you’re mine.”

You grinned between the tears. Your hand covered his easily now, without hesitation. The feeling of his warm hand softly brushing your stomach was something you had been longing for. “You deserve more than me, but I’m glad I’m yours too.” You let out a small wink when his eyes let yours briefly before they were back on the road in front of him.

You felt another surge of pain shooting through you. The contractions n were definitely getting more frequent. You started your breathing again, this time squeezing his hand to help take your mind off it. Once the pain subsided some you could hear Simon’s voice sweetly talking you through it.

After a couple breaths, you steadied yourself. “I found out I was pregnant the day you left, ya know… before.” You admitted. You heard his big inhale at the confession.

“The night with the… dinner?” You aren’t sure why you felt the need to clarify. It could have been a big moment to you and not to him, you suppose.

“Fuckin’ hell baby…” Simon sighed.

“I just wasn’t sure where we stood,” you gulped. “I couldn’t tell how you were feeling and I honestly don’t even know if you like kids.” You let out a dry laugh. “I had this whole plan, god it was a halfway thought out plan. We would eat dinner, celebrate you being home and I would tell you the news.” You hadn’t let go of his hand even as it fell to your lap. “But with the way everything happened I just didn’t know what to do or how to tell you… so I didn’t.” You finished with a shrug.

“I like kids,” he admitted. “In case you’re still wondering.”

You couldn’t help but smile at him for what felt like the 20th time since he arrived at your apartment.

“As for the rest… I don’t know how to explain how I behaved that night. Of course if I knew… I wouldn’t have acted like that. I shouldn’t have treated you that way. Fuck what’s wrong with me.”

“It’s okay,” you reassured him. “I’m glad you like kids.”

“Changing the subject, yeah?” You can hear his grin.

You turned a little to look at him better. “We will get through this. Will probably have to have a few talks about everything but for now. Let’s get this baby out of me.”

You can see the lights of the hospital casting over his features as he pulls into the emergency lane. With one deep breath that you two seemed to share, “It’s go time Si.”

I hope you all enjoyed this! If you would like a part 2 of the hospital and then the aftermath... feel free to let me know in a comment!

Thank you for reading 🖤

Part Two

[nahoney22]

Congrats on the milestone!! I would love to request honestly anything for Hardcase. Maybe the prompt “life would be boring without you”? With either a female or gender neutral reader?

Thank you so much!!!

4000 Prompt List Celebration

Hardcase X F!Reader

word count: 552

SFW

prompt:

“Life would be boring without you.”

warnings: none, fluff, established relationship, brief mention of alcohol and very minor PDA. Female reader. Short and sweet as I was having a mind block 🥹

authors note: thank you for the kind words! sorry for the wait and that it’s a little short! Enjoy regardless ☀️@sunshinesdaydream

Your connection with Hardcase was unparalleled. It had only been a few months since you fell for the Clone, or rather since he quite literally fell for you one lively night at 79’s after indulging in a few too many colorful drinks. Nevertheless, he was charming, attentive, undeniably attractive, and a bundle of vivacity.

His hyperactive demeanor starkly contrasted with the more reserved and composed nature of his brothers. Yet, upon revealing the 'leak in his growth chamber' on Kamino, it only served to make him all the more unique, a trait you cherished.

This evening found you strolling hand in hand through Coruscant after a much-needed date he had planned, considering the escalating Galactic Republic's push against Separatist movements, which had kept you apart for a while.

"Did you enjoy yourself, babe?" he asked.

"Immensely," you replied, grinning and leaning into his side before placing a hand on your stomach. "Though I fear I might have eaten a bit too much."

"Nah, I could've had more if they'd let me," he quipped with a playful smile.

You stop abruptly, a wide grin lighting up your face. "Can you hear that?"

He blinks, scanning the surroundings. "Um, what?"

Without waiting, you tug him along, causing him to stumble over his own feet as you traverse the street. The sound of bustling cheers grows louder, guiding you both into a lively crowd gathered around a band playing upbeat music. "What about now?" you shout over the enthusiastic applause, a smirk dancing on your lips as Hardcase playfully rolls his eyes, joining in to help maneuver through the crowd until you reach the front.

"My girl deserves the best view," he whispers into your ear as the band starts playing again, but then a new idea dawns on him. "Do you dance?"

Midway through clapping along to the music, you turn to him, a playful scoff escaping your lips. "Can I dance? Wasn't it my dancing that had you literally crawling at my feet in 79’s?" you tease, recalling the moment you first met your boyfriend.

"Very true, so I hope you don’t mind joining me for a dance then, would you?" You're about to ask what he means when he slips away, already swaying and moving to the rhythm of the music. He throws himself into the dance without a care in the world, completely oblivious to any potential onlookers' amusement—although it seems everyone was thoroughly enjoying themselves anyway.

Wide-eyed and incredulous, you shake your head, but seeing him dance so freely, you decide not to let him revel in it alone. You join in.

He takes your hand, spinning you around, swaying to the music together. Smiles adorn both your faces, laughter twinkling in your eyes, and you both dance away the remnants of the meal you'd just enjoyed. Eventually, he turns to you, pulling you closer, murmuring, "Life would be boring without you."

His words fill your heart, prompting a small public display of affection as you plant a soft kiss on his lips but again, not caring who sees. "Then let’s hope we live this type of life together forever.”

Masterlist

Prompt Masterlist

Tags: @andyoufollowyourheart @littlefeatherr @kaitou2417 @eyecandyeoz @captxin-rex @jesseeka @ashotofspotchka @theroguesully y @ladykatakuri @jambolska-grozdova @arctrooper69 @padawancat97 @staycalmandhugaclone @ko-neko-san @echos-girlfriend @fiveshelmet @dangraccoon @plushymiku-blog @chrissywakingup @pb-jellybeans @nunanuggets @sleepycreativewriter @erellenora @zippingstars87 7 @ezras-left-thumb @tech-aficionado @grizabellasolo @therealnekomari @tech-depression-inventory @brynhildrmimi @greaser-wolf @tinyreadersmur @seriowan @kaminocasey @marvel-starwars-nerd @ladytano420 @ladyzirkonia @raevulsix @mssbridgerton @cw80831 @whore4rex @imperialclaw801 @temple-elder @mysticalgalaxysalad @id-rather-be-a-druid @the-bad-batch-baroness

[feijoaaas]

I posted 5,156 times in 2022

That's 2,175 more posts than 2021!

175 posts created (3%)

4,981 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@neverforgiveneverforget307

@slippedawayintoamomentintime

@greeniejeaniebeanie

@shepaholic

@myheartisbro-ken

I tagged 1,215 of my posts in 2022

#lol - 33 posts

#art - 31 posts

#me - 27 posts

#fun tag - 24 posts

#pure - 15 posts

#amazing - 12 posts

#cats - 9 posts

#xena - 8 posts

#adhd - 7 posts

#esc - 6 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#i’m sorry op but i am cackling at ‘pronounced’ because i’m swedish and i haven’t ever heard a danish person pronounce a single word ever

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

so for the new kids on the block, if you meet someone cute instead of complimenting them on their shoelaces, you can ask if they’ve seen goncharov (1973)

9 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#4

goncharov (1973) > the godfather (1972)

10 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#3

that movie recently were some dude was shitty and he got edited out and replaced by tig notaro?

imma start a petition for the same thing with all of the potc movies

bye jfuck hello taika waititi

11 notes - Posted June 3, 2022

#2

ok so i really have to give this another go in asking for money

i have a high interest loan, see picture below, that i am really really struggling to pay back because of duh the high interest, once i’ve made a downpayment it’s almost back to the same sum the next month

i made a downpayment last week when i got my student loan, the smallest amount, along with paying rent and paying off 4000 swedish kronor on my credit card because i’m stuck in an evil cycle where once i’ve paid bills and loan and credit card and rent, i’m down to nearly nothing for the rest of the month and so i have to use my credit card again for groceries and daily surviving, i don’t even remember the last time i felt like i was living and enjoying it

and i can’t break out of the cycle. i shared my gofundme link on my personal facebook about two weeks ago - literally nothing. i asked someone i know personally and have known for 20 years who is far better off than i will possibly ever be, they have a two person well-paying income household and own their own apartment so i didn’t think it would be outrageous to ask for a loan of 5000-10,000kr (roughly $500-1000) so that i could at least get out of my immediate debts, to pay back over 6 months which is a hell of a lot easier than paying back a loan that’s almost the same sum month after month but they said no.

i am already at a deficit and already using my credit card, and my next student loan is 3 weeks away so this hell cycle is just gonna continue and continue

according to tumblr i have 807 followers, i know it’s not possible for everyone to donate but

if it were possible for all of my 807 followers to donate $1 / £1 / €1 each, i could pay off this fucking high-interest loan that has a chokehold on me, pay off my credit card so that i don’t have to start each month with a deficit and basically i could be debt free which would literally mean the entire world because this is a situation that’s been going on for almost a year and uh yeah i won’t get into my mental health but let’s just say it’s fucking shit and then some

again, here is my gofundme link

and my paypal is here

it would literally mean everything, thank you

reblogs are great. thanks

26 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

chameleons with their little pinchy feeties and raccoons with their little grabby paws 😭

rebagel if you agree

28 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mandoalorian]

Happiness [Maxwell Lorenzano x f!Reader]

Author’s note: Please heed warnings before you read. This is angst. There’s a little fluff and a few spicy moments, but at its core, this is a pretty angsty read. It’s a different interpretation of Maxwell, post WW84. Reblogs are so appreciated. I worked really hard on this and it’s not showing up in tags so if you could reblog it... it would literally mean the world to me :( <3

Summary: After the dreamstone debacle, Maxwell Lord loses custody of his son, his home, his job and all his wealth. He has nothing, and what was once the simple task of ‘living’, is suddenly proving to be extremely difficult. Until a beacon of light enters his life. He can only hope that you don’t find out who he really is.

Word count: 4000+

Rating: 18+

Warnings: depression/suicidal thoughts, PSTD/trauma implications, poverty, starvation, binge eating, allusions to sex, male masturbation, food and drink mention.

Masterlist

Max is usually pretty good at keeping himself to himself, but when he hears the commotion from outside his small shanty apartment, he cautiously stalks towards the front door and leans into the wood, gazing out the peephole. He spots you, struggling to unlock the door located on the far side of the hall. Your arms are filled with brown paper bags and an abundance of cardboard boxes circle around your feet. He hears you curse as you drop one of the paper bags. It rips, and groceries spill onto the floor with a clatter. He swallows thickly, feeling his tummy grumble at the sight of fresh fruit and colourful veg. Max hadn’t eaten a single meal this week.

He spends a few more seconds watching you struggle, before the guilt swarms over him and he feels like a creep. He does wonder if he should leave his apartment and help you out though, but eventually he decides on turning his heel and walks back to the torn leather sofa. He just knows he’ll be some kind of intrusion on you. If Max has learned one thing, it’s that he needs to stay away from other people. Otherwise, he’d just hurt them. Even if hurting them was the last thing he intended to do.

Still, he finds himself marvelling over you. He wants to go over and introduce himself. He thinks you’re absolutely stunning. Maybe it’s just because he hasn’t seen a woman (other than his ex-wife) in just short of a year, or maybe it’s something more genuine -- like the way you wear your hair or that glimmer in your eye. Once upon a time, Maxwell would’ve strolled on over to your apartment with the utmost confidence and charm, with the sole intention of winning you over and taking you back to his place. He wouldn’t dare do that now.

He stares at the wall clock, and watches as the minute leg ticks. It’s painfully slow. It’s 5:52pm, and Maxwell is just waiting until 6pm, because he knows at 6pm he can call his son, Alistair. If he tries calling a second earlier though, he is certain his ex-wife will throw a rage, claiming that he’s breaking court order. Maxwell had never been one to follow rules, but now, he didn’t have much of a choice. As he waits for the leg to strike 6, all he can really do is think about you. Truth be told, he hates that he’s thinking about you this much. He doesn't even know you.

But you’re so pretty. Your features are soft and delicate. Your clothes fit you perfectly and hug your body in all the right places. He can’t help but think what you sound like. He wonders if you’re from around here. He wonders why you moved into this particular neighbourhood, out of all the other neighbourhoods in rural D.C. He should go over and say hello at least. It would be the polite thing to do. He considers bringing over a bottle of wine to make a peace offering, but then he remembers all he has in his refrigerator is a stick of butter and a bottle of milk that has grown old and fermented. He assumes that you probably wouldn’t care for such housewarming gifts.

Maxwell calls Alistair as soon as the clock turns six. As always, Alistair is more than excited to speak to his dad, beaming brightly down the line. Alistair tells Maxwell about his step-father, and how he’d built a pool in their back garden for Ali and his mom. Max’s lips curl into a frown when he realises that his ex’s new husband is giving Alistair everything Max couldn’t. And once again, Maxwell feels like he has failed as a father.

For a short while, Alistair babbles about his day at school and how he got full marks on a pop quiz. Maxwell is as proud as punch. He has no doubt that success will one day find Alistair, he just hopes Alistair has an easier time handling it. Max can hear a faint yelling in the background of the phone call and eventually Alistair is interrupted.

“Oh-- mommy is calling me to eat dinner.” Alistair says softly, his voice suddenly growing oddly timid. Max’s stomach grumbles again at the mention of dinner.

“But we still have ten minutes left of our phone call.” Max replies matter-of-factly. He hopes Alistair can’t hear the disappointment in his voice. This isn’t his fault. He hears his ex yell again and Max can’t help but feel his face harden with disdain.

“I know, I’m sorry daddy, but I have to go.” The croak in Alistair’s voice is enough to break Maxwell’s heart. He wishes this could’ve been different. It should’ve been different.

Max knows he can’t argue though. It’s only futile. So he accepts the fact that Alistair has to leave the phone call early -- at least he was getting something to eat. Maxwell remembers when he was Alistair’s age. His mom always struggled to put food on the table because his dad would spend all the money on drinks at the local bar. Maxwell is just grateful his son isn’t starving.

“Okay, it’s okay,” Maxwell reassures before taking a shaky exhale. “I love y--”

But then, the line went dead. Max assumes that Alistair’s mom has ripped the phone from his hand and hung up. Sighing, Maxwell forces himself to stand up and walk on over to his bedroom. The bed is unmade and there are several piles of dirty laundry all over the floor. He jams open the sticky window and climbs onto the balcony, inhaling the cool evening air and lighting a cigarette. Smoking was a habit he’d gotten himself into when he was much younger, but he’d grown out of it when he’d hit limelight. Now though, it was growing back in to be a shameful addiction that he just couldn’t shake. It helped him stop feeling hunger, though.

As he flicks the orange lit ash over the edge of the balcony, his eyes catch on you again. You are standing on the street, talking to some guy. You’re laughing, and it looks like this mystery man’s hand is caressing your arm. It’s probably your boyfriend; Maxwell assumes, and the pang of jealousy in his chest turns into unadulterated sadness as he realises he was probably never going to find love again. He peers over the edge of the balcony once more as he takes a final drag of the cigarette, and he wonders if the jump would kill him.

Maxwell’s eyes begin to sting, and he climbs back into his bedroom, knocking his head on the window pane in the process.

He can’t sleep that night, and he tosses and turns in his three quarter sized bed. He could feel every spring in his mattress. What he would give to just sleep one more night in the soft, plush king sized bed he used to take for granted. He switched on his amber tinged bedside lamp and swatted away a moth that flew towards it. Maxwell stared at the ceiling and wondered if the damp had gotten worse. Even if it had, it wasn’t like Max had the courage to bring it up with the landlord.

He finds himself thinking about you again. He lived to see the way you smiled when you spoke to that guy, or the way your hair blew ever so slightly in the evening breeze. Max wraps his hand around his semi-hard cock and begins to jerk himself off. To nobody’s surprise though, he doesn’t finish -- the overwhelming feeling of revolt consuming him. He thinks he’s disgusting, and that nobody would ever want to touch him. He can’t even stand touching himself.

He falls asleep not long after that.

Max once had a pretty decent sleep schedule, going to bed at 10 and waking up at 6. But now he was up until the early hours of the morning, overthinking and hating himself. He wakes up three or four times a night from the same recurring nightmare. It’s a replay from the clear night of July ‘84, when he took over everyone’s TV screens. His doctor prescribed him therapy for it, which would probably help, but Maxwell just can’t afford it.

He wakes up to the sound of a bang on his front door. Max scrambles to his feet in a panic, checking the time on his alarm clock. It’s 2pm. And the person at the door could easily be his landlord, finally having enough and kicking him out. Max’s rent is two months overdue.

But it’s not his unforgiving landlord. It’s you. And you’re holding a fruit basket.

“Hey neighbour!” you smile pleasantly before introducing yourself to him. “I just moved in across the hall. I wasn’t sure what you’d like… but I figured everyone likes fruit!”

Maxwell stays quiet, standing there in complete disbelief. No one has shown him this amount of kindness in so long…

The prolonged silence makes you feel a little strange. He still hasn’t accepted the fruit basket, nor had he said anything. He was just… staring at you. It wasn’t a slimy gawk. You couldn’t quite put your finger on what his dark eyes were trying to tell you.

“—I’m sorry,” you continue eventually when he doesn’t speak, dropping the fruit basket by your side and turning away. “I uh— would you like me to get you something else?”

Maxwell’s eyes widen and he quickly shakes his head. “No!” he exclaims, opening his front door wider and taking the fruit basket from you. “I’m sorry,” he apologises. “I uh— I love fruit.”

You smile at his fluster, and you swear you notice a rosy pink blush cross his cheeks. It’s adorable.

“Oh okay, that’s good then.”

Maxwell prays you can’t hear his stomach grumble at the sight of the fresh fruit. He’s so excited to eat it all. “How can I repay you?”

You raise your eyebrows at his proposition and chuckle awkwardly. “Repay me? No no,” you laugh. “It’s just a fruit basket,”

It wasn’t just a fruit basket though. It was the only food Max had.

“I mean, you could tell me your name.”

Maxwell curses, realising he hasn’t even introduced himself. Gods— he wonders when exactly he’d lost his charm.

“Right, I’m sorry. I’m Max.” He extends his arm and offers you a handshake. You giggle, but accept.

He feels a bolt of electricity run up his arm when your fingers interlink with his, and he wonders if you can feel it too.

“Very formal Max,” you acknowledge with a smile.

Maxwell genuinely hasn’t communicated with anyone since July 1984. It’s probably about time he ditches the businessman persona, although he doesn’t realise he still uses it from time to time. Old habits die hard.

“I must say, I feel like I recognise you from somewhere.”

“No. You don’t.” Maxwell quickly snaps back and you’re afraid you struck a nerve.

There’s a longer silence and you find yourself wondering about your neighbour. He’s right in front of you and yet you can’t help but feel as though he’s some kind of enigma. Maybe it’s the crinkles in the corner of his eyes or his wry smile.

“Um…” you mumble, your gaze trailing behind him as you try and peer into his apartment. You can’t see much though. From where you stand it looks very empty… and brown. “If you weren’t busy tonight maybe you could come over and we could get to know each other. I uh-- don’t have many friends yet.” you explain shyly, nervously biting your lip.

You didn’t usually get nervous talking to new people, but there was just something about Maxwell that you couldn’t quite put your finger on. His presence made butterflies flutter in your tummy and your hands feel clammy with excitement… or maybe anticipation. He stares at you blankly before clearing his throat.

“I uh-- yeah I mean-- maybe,” Maxwell shrugs cooly. “If I’m not busy.”

Pft, busy. Max hasn’t been busy since the dreamstone debacle.

“Of course,” you nod your head and smile. “Well, you’re welcome to come on over anytime.”

And then, without thinking, Maxwell replies. “And you’re welcome to come over here anytime too.”

You feel your smile grow into a grin and you reach out, placing your hand on Max’s arm. “Okay, well, it was nice meeting you.” you bite your lip.

Max’s heart stops when you touch him, and for the first time, he doesn’t flinch away. You’re holding his bicep and… he likes it. It’s not sending him into a spur of anxiety, in fact, he feels better just for finally plucking the courage to talk to you. And now you’re touching him. You’re not repulsed or disgusted… in fact, you’re smiling. You look happy, and maybe Max is happy too. Maybe. Max doesn’t even realise the small smile that’s crept upon his lips.

“Nice meeting you too.” He swallows and you wave goodbye.

He watches you walk back into your apartment, drinking in your appearance. You were wearing jeans and a sweatshirt today. It was casual… but he liked it.

Even when he finally gets back into his apartment and slumps against his front door, he’s still smiling. This feeling is so unfamiliar.

Maxwell finds himself pondering whether or not he should visit you tonight. He so desperately wanted to see you again-- see your pretty face and sparkling eyes and that perfect smile. Maybe Max could have a friend. That would be nice.

But he quickly gets scared again. He knows immediately that you’re too good for him, and that he’ll only end up hurting you. And then he’ll be left alone again. Max doesn’t know if he can survive another heartbreak.

Once again, he lights a cigarette and sits on the balcony, and wonders if the jump will kill him.

Then he realises he suddenly doesn’t want to die. At least, not yet. He wants to see you again first.

Max doesn’t even bother finishing the cigarette. He taps away the ash and climbs back inside, stripping himself of his clothes and turning on the shower. If he was going to see you tonight, he’d at least make the effort.

The soap he uses is from Dollar Tree, and it doesn’t really have a scent. It made a change from his favourite Jo Malone pomegranate fragranced soap, that’s for sure. He gets annoyed trying to squirt out the very little remenints of his shampoo bottle. Although he doesn’t have much, he’s satisfied when he comes out of the shower. He feels clean and fresh.

Maxwell rakes through his tiny collapsing wardrobe, trying to find an outfit that will make him appear somewhat presentable. He’s probably overthinking this whole thing -- after all, it isn’t exactly a date. But he still feels the strong inclination to impress you. He so desperately wants to be liked by you.

Most of his everyday wear is stained or ripped or very aged. But then he spots the small duffel bag at the bottom of his closet and he remembers he packed some of his old business wear when he moved out of his manor and into this apartment. He hadn’t looked in the duffel bag once since moving though, afraid that seeing the clothes would unleash some kind of trauma on him.

Max crosses his legs and hesitantly unzips the black bag. Inside, he finds a few fitted shirts, a few tailored pants, and one suit jacket. He even spots a belt and two patterned ties. He’s a little upset though when he can’t find the suspenders he used to wear. They were always his favourite part of his outfit.

Maxwell can’t bring himself to dress in the whole get up, but he does pick out a white button down shirt and grey pants. He tucks the shirt in, and wraps the belt through the loops in his pants, clicking it into place. Opting to look slightly more casual, Max leaves the first two buttons of his shirt undone and rolls the sleeves up to his elbows.

And for the first time in a long time, Max likes the way he looks. He wishes he had some cologne to spray, and he could definitely do with a haircut, but this is good enough.

He doesn’t want to seem desperate, so he does wait (albeit impatiently) until 8:30pm to see you. In the meantime, he eats over half of the fruit basket. He tells himself he’ll stop after an apple and an orange, but strangely enough. He can’t. He can’t stop. It just tastes so good and he’s so hungry -- so he eats until he feels sick. He wants to lie down because he really doesn’t feel too good at all, but he’s not going to pass up this opportunity to see you for anything. He feels a little cold, so he throws on his suit jacket which is grey in colour and matches the tailored pants. Max chokes down a glass of water, straightens up his posture, and knocks on your door.

He’s not waiting for long, and he’s delighted when he sees you answer the door. Your lips are painted a ruby red colour and you’re wearing your hair differently. Not only that, but you’d changed out of your sweater and jeans, and now you’re doting a knee length flowy dress. Your feet are slipped into some fuzzy looking slippers though, and Max admires the small diamond stud earrings that you don. They really bring out the colour of your eyes.

“I was hoping you’d come.” you reveal nervously, opening the door wider and looking your neighbour up and down. He looks so incredibly handsome in his change of outfit. Max feels himself blush under your gaze and he smiles.

“I just couldn’t pass this up.” he laughs nervously.

You move out the way and gesture for him to enter your apartment. Max notes that it’s roughly the same size as his, but it’s already filled with more furniture. Judging from the plentiful cardboard boxes in every corner, you hadn’t finished unpacking either. You find yourself watching Max as he takes in your front room. You take his jacket and hang it on your coat peg which stands by your front door. You definitely do recognise him from somewhere, especially seeing him in that shirt and those pants…

You shrug off your curiosity temporarily though, and take his hand, pulling him into your kitchen. Max loves the way your hand fits so perfectly into his. He doesn’t want you to pull away. And you don’t, until you reach the refrigerator.

“I have cranberry juice, tea, coffee-- no milk though, uh…” you trail off and check the cupboards. You beam when you see the bottle of champagne that your friend had gifted you. It was to celebrate moving out. You present him with it and grin. “Would you care to have a glass with me?”

Max remembers the distinct taste of the bubbles on his lips and he nods in agreement. You don’t have any fancy glasses, let alone flutes, so you pour the pale yellow liquid into two plastic tumblers. You hand one to Max and cradle your own in both of your hands.

“You should propose a toast.” you laugh jokingly.

Luckily, Maxwell has always been able to handle being put on the spot. He only takes a few seconds to come up with something.

“To new friends.” he announces with a charming smile, and clinks his cup against yours.

Max hasn’t had a drink in a long time, so it doesn’t take long for it to reside in his system and he begins to feel a bit tipsy. It’s not bad though. Maxwell is relaxed, and he’s comfortable. You bounce off each other and make each other laugh right up until the early hours of the morning. You bring out Monopoly and you’re surprised at how good he is at it. He gives you advice on buying properties and investments and it truly sounds like he knows what he’s talking about. You wonder what he does for a living.

“I didn’t say this earlier,” Max says as you pour out the last of the champagne. The alcohol has him buzzing with confidence. “But you look breathtaking, really. That dress and those earrings and your lips…”

And you don’t know what it is, but Max just makes you feel so good. “My lips?” you repeat breathlessly, gazing into his honeyed brown eyes.

Max nods wordlessly when you climb into his lap and straddle his hips. You place the palms of your hands flat against his chest and nudge your nose against his, giggling playfully. Max feels scared -- he’d never been this close to anyone in so long, let alone a beautiful woman like yourself.

Gods, he’s so handsome too. A small piece of his hair has fallen out of place and it crosses his forehead. You’re quick to brush it out of his face with your finger, and one of your hands cup his cheek. He closes his eyes and leans into the warmth of your touch, humming in contentment. When he opens his eyes again, they’re noticeably shades darker.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks, his voice low like it had dropped a few octaves.

You nod desperately and your lips crash against his.

You don’t know if it’s the alcohol or the adrenaline but he’s an amazing kisser -- perhaps the best you’ve ever had. You roll your hips over his lap and he moans, but doesn’t break the kiss once. His large hands roam around your back and squeeze at the soft flesh of your thighs. The Monopoly game has been long discarded now, leaving only you and Max revelling in each other’s touch.

You want more. You want him. You dip your hand in between your bodies and find his belt, trying your best to undo the buckle so you can get him out of his pants. You’re certain you can feel his erection pressing against the inside of your thigh, and you’d be right in thinking he wants this too.

But what he wants the most, is to not ruin things between you both, and Max feels like that maybe this is all happening a bit too fast. He doesn’t want to reject you, and he’s afraid of hurting you, but he’s also afraid of you getting so close to him -- that you find out who he truly is, and the things he does. He doesn’t want to lose you because you make him feel so happy. For the first time in potentially years, Maxwell feels genuine happiness. He doesn’t want to fuck up, not when he’s been doing so well.

So he pulls away from you breathlessly and moves your hands away from him. He holds them though, brushing his thumbs in comforting circles against your soft skin.

“I really like you,” he smiles. “And tonight has been… great. You have no idea how much I’ve enjoyed myself. But I-- I really want to see you again. And do this again. And have a good time with you. I just don’t think we should-- you know--” Maxwell tries to explain. He feels bad for rejecting you. “It’s not that I don’t want to. Because trust me,” he sighs, closing his brown eyes. “I really really do. But--”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” you smile, fiddling with the collar of his shirt. “I understand, and honestly, I think you’re probably right. I’ve had a good time too though.”

Maxwell can’t help but beam knowing that there’s no hard feelings between you both.

“So we can do this again?” he asks hopefully.

“Yes.” you reply, pressing a chaste yet sweet kiss to his lips.

You wiggle off his lap and Maxwell stands up. “I should head back home then,” he says. “It’s late. But maybe we can do something tomorrow?”

“I’d like that a lot.” you agree.

Max gives you one final kiss and part of you wants to ask him if he’d be willing to stay the night. You shake away the temptation and tell yourself there’d be plenty more opportunities for him to stay over. Before he leaves, you see him abruptly spin around on his heel and point his index finger towards you.

And your heart drops.

You freeze.

You think you can feel your blood run cold and the colour drain out of your face.

Because in that moment, when he points his finger at you, you recognise him.

You remember him.

You know who he is.

“I almost forgot my jacket.” Max laughs, sliding past you.

You feel like you can’t move though.

This was the man who single handedly almost destroyed the entire planet.

But how -- how could it be Maxwell Lord? He was so sweet and kind and funny. How could the man you just made out with, the man you shared a bottle of champagne with -- your own neighbour…

How could it be Maxwell Lord?

How hadn’t you noticed sooner. Hell, his name was literally Max Lorenzano.

“Goodnight.” Max tells you.

You try and force yourself to say it back but no words come out. Your throat feels dry and you’re panicking.

Max doesn’t even notice though. He’s too busy beaming with happiness when he leaves.

You aren’t sure if you’re going to see him again.

When Maxwell gets back home, he can’t rid himself of the grin that’s plastered across his lips. He sits out on the balcony and lights a cigarette, but this time, when he looks at the ground beneath you, he doesn’t wonder if the jump will kill him.

His eyebrows furrow together when he notices the florist across the road, and he wonders how much a bouquet of flowers will cost him. He wants to get you something; as a thank you for giving him a good time.

He simply can’t wait to see you again.

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[20moonchild21]

๛Struggling

Gif by @minyoongihoseok

Pairing: Poly!BTS x girlfriend!reader

Warnings: hardcore fluff, slight swearing

Words: 3400+

ッ

๛匕he one where she struggles with money∙ꨄ

"What do you mean, you can't pay me this month?" You asked angrily, as you drove your hands through your hair.

"I am sorry, but what should I do? Rents are high these days. If I don't pay..." Your boss tried to defended himself with the same excuses he had given you before.

"Rents are hight? Are you serious right now?" You interrupted him quickly, getting angrier with every word he said. "What do you think I pay my rent with? Paperclips and stones? I need this money or else I have to quit my apartment. We have a contract. You have to pay me, please!"

Times were hard these days. The pandemic had hit the country hard, but aftermath was even worse. Most people were still too afraid to go out onto the streets, rather staying home and shopping online for everything, which causes you a big problem.

For years you had worked in a small bakery, that was known for their extravagant pastries and specialities. The pay wasn't much, but you loved your creative job.

Seeing people smiling when they see their wedding cake for the first time, was one of the best thing coming along with you job, but with no weddings allowed, there was no one to buy those expensive cakes. And the few people buying small cupcakes wasn't enough for keeping the business alive.

Of course you knew that your boss's hands were tight, as well as yours. He had to pay his rent, but so did you.

"I am so sorry." He said again, sounding almost sad. "But I can't give you this money. We made almost zero sales this month. My pockets are empty. I already need to take my own, private money to save the shop, or else I can close next month."

You closed your eyes, as your hands were gripping the armrest of the chair you were sitting on. You weren't the type to yell or scream at people when things didn't go the way you like it, but this time, you just wished to yell out all your frustration at him.

Everything came together at this point, which made it hard for you to keep calm.

You hadn't seen your boyfriends in over 3 weeks, because they were stuck in quarantine at home after coming back from a project filming abroad.

Then, your period had started unannounced this morning, causing you a ruined trouser and cramps, along with a heavy headache.

And now it seemed like you even would be homeless next month, because you weren't able to afford your rent.

You pressed you eyes closer together, trying to hold back the swelling tears.

"Maybe you have someone who could borrow...." You boss began again, but you didn't want to head what he was about to say.

Making depts was the last thing you wanted to make. You mother had always raised you to earn your own money, and pay for the thing you want to have yourself.

Asking someone for money would lead you to asking for more and more and more, until you can't pay that someone back. The same situation you were stuck in now.

"It's okay." You said quietly. "I will find a solution. Have a nice weekend."

You bent down, grabbing for you bag and leaving the small office, heading straight back home.

The next morning was hard for you. The letter lying in your mailbox in evening wasn't helping to cheer up your mood. You landlord was getting more and more impatient, waiting for his rent to be paid. You were already 3 weeks late with you rent, and slowly he was running out of sympathy.

The words he wrote held you up from sleep the whole night, causing you to desperately think about a solution for this problem:

"...termination without notice if the rent is not be paid within the next two weeks..."

You had cried a lot this last night. Never in you life you had thought that you would end up like this, broke and desperate. You even had considered to jump over your pride and ask your boyfriends, who clearly had enough money, to help you out. But you quickly threw away this option, not wanting to use them because of their money.

With no other option left, you found yourself sitting on your laptop, checking you bank account. Of course you never spend all your money all at once. You had laid back a certain amount of money, your life savings, that you had sworn to never touch.

This money was so important for you, because it was meant to be spend into your future. A future that included your boyfriends, a own house, a car.....children.

Of course, you knew that each of your boyfriends were millionaires, multiplied with 7.

If you wanted, you would never have to go to work ever again. With their money, they could probably buy you 10 houses, 9 cars, 5 horses, a plane and everything you could ever wish for.

But that had never been your goal in life. You didn't want them to pay everything for you. They had own dreams, and each of them had worked hard to earn this much money. You couldn't and you wouldn't take advantages of that.

"Fuck." You whispered, as your head sunk onto the table you were sitting on.

By now, you couldn't hold back your tears anymore.

You computer screen showed your online bank account, listing the accounts you had created years agon. Among them the one that was your last chance to not be homeless soon:

Life Savings.

As you clicked on the link, a new window opened on your screen, showing you all the amount of money you had saved.

4,516 $

You stared at this number. Of course, this didn't sound too much in the first moment, but you were still young, and with 4000$ you would easily come through another 4 months, even more if you would be economical.

The tears were still running down your plump cheeks, rolling over your chin and staining your blue shirt. You didn't want to do that at all, but you had no other choice.

The only person you would have been brave enough to ask for help, was your mom. Sadly, she died 5 years ago, with all her bereaved money spent for the hospital bills and the funeral.

You sighed heavily. There was no going back now. You would transfer the money to your landlord today, before he could kick you out.

You were about to click the small 'Transfers' button, when suddenly your doorbell rang. You flinched heavily when the loud noise rang through you ear, obviously not expecting someone today.

You stood up and walked out of your bedroom, over to the front door.

Immediately when you opened the door, a bouquet of red roses blocked your view. You let out a small shriek, when the red flowers sunk down, revealing a familiar face behind it.

"Hello." Jimin flashed you his beautiful smile, before he pushed the flowers into Namjoon's arms, stepping forward and lifting you into his arms.

"Oh my god." You breathed out as you broke away from you paralysis. You wrapped your arms highly around the silver haired boy, who was still hugging you. "You are here."

"Jimin, don't break her." You heard Yoongi's deep voice from behind. "We still need her."

He tugged Jimin's shirt, until he let you down onto the floor, pouting as he had to pull away from you. He pressed a gentle kiss to your nose one last time, before the next boy stepped forward.

Their very presence was enough for you to calm down from the past stressing days. Having them squeezing you in their arms, kissing you all over your face made you feel so loved and invulnerable in the moment.

"May we step in?" Jin asked as he pulled away from you.

Still overwhelmed from their sudden visit, you looked at him confused. He gestured his hand into your apartment. You quickly stepped away from the doorway, letting them step inside.

"Are you okay, Jagiya (Honey)? You look a little bit pale." Jungkook asked as he stepped in front of you.

He lifted his hand up towards your forehead, feeling if you had a fever. But your skin felt cold under his touch.

"I am just – I am just surprise that you...." You began to stutter as they all stared at you.

They could tell that something was up with you. Being together for almost 3 years now, they knew that you would began to slightly stutter when you try to hide something. So you had to think about an excuse, before one of them would ask more questions.

"What are you even doing here?" Was the first thing that came into your mind. "Shouldn't you be in quarantine or something?"

"Silly Jagiya." Jungkook laughed as he cupped your face into his big, manly (and now tattooed) hands, pressing a wet kiss onto your nose. "Three weeks are over. We can leave the dorm again, so we decided to surprise you!"

The boys quickly let go of your strange behaviour. You all went into your living room where Hoseok and Tae were already pulling out your sofa, that way you would all fit on it. As soon as they placed the cushions back onto the sofa, you were lifted from the ground a thrown onto it.

"Hey!" You laughed and giggled as Jimin crawled over you.

He laid his much heavier body onto your smaller one, trapping you under him. He grabbed for you wrists, pulling them up over your head, where he pinned them down onto the soft fabric. With his mouth, he placed a line of kisses from your collarbone up to your ear.

"I missed you so much." He whispered as he nibbled the sensitive skin of your ear. "I thought about you a lot during quarantine, Sweetie."

You knew what he wanted from you. As Namjoon once said, Jimin needed indeed a lot of love and attention, but you loved to give it to him. Sadly, you had to disappoint him this time.

He was already pulling and tugging on your shirt, when you brought your mouth up to his ear.

"I am on my period." You whispered in that sexy voice you knew he normally loved.

He pulled away from you, looking into your eyes deeply.

"Are you serious?" He whined as he let go of your arms.

You were already laughing hard when the other finally came from the kitchen with snacks and drinks in their hands.

"What are you laughing at, Jagyia?" Tae asked as he plopped down next to you. "And why is he already pouting?"

He gestured for Jimin, who had crawled off of you, and was now lying beside you, hiding his face in your chest as you drove your fingers through his soft hair.

"She is being mean." He mumbled against your chest. "Stacking me three weeks in quarantine, with no one to care for me, and now that I have the chance to finally love my girlfriend again, she is one her period. You did this on purpose, didn't you?"

"We had phone sex almost ever day." You laughed at him as you pressed a kiss into his hair.

"But this isn't the same." He still whined. "And we hadn't had sex yesterday. So you can't say every day. And beside, sex over the phone isn't the same..."

You sighed at his words. You forgot to call them the previous evening, because of all the stress going on with your work and apartment.

"I am sorry." You said, as you threw your head back into the soft cushions. "I was just so stressed with work and stuff."

"Is everything okay with work?" Yoongi asked as he took your hand. "It must be hard for you when no weddings are allowed."

For a moment, your thought about telling them about the trouble your boss had with keeping the business going, but you decided to not bother them with your problems. They had enough stress with their band.

"Yes, yes, Everything is fine." You quickly tried brushed his concerns off. "We have a lot of pre orderings and stuff."

The topic quickly changed. The boys told you everything they did while stuck up in quarantine. They had used the time to work on their new album, which they wanted to do on their own. They told you how recording and producing was going.

"Hey, Aein (Sweetheart)?" Namjoon suddenly spoke up. You lifted your head from Hoseok's chest to look up at him. "Have you seen my green shirt by any chance? I couldn't find it anywhere at the dorm."

"Oh yes." You quickly said. "You forgot it the evening before you left. I washed and folded it on my desk. You can get it."

He nodded and got up from the sofa to walk up towards you bedroom. The other boys meanwhile where swarming about the evening before they left for America three weeks ago, complaining how bad they need you.

ꕀ

Namjoon had reached your bedroom door quickly.

He pushed it open and stepped inside. Immediately, he smiled when he saw your tidy bedroom. You have always been an organized person, which he admired, because he absolutely wasn't able to hold his room at home tidy.

He looked around, and spotted his green shirt, carefully folded on the table next to your laptop. He passed your bed and was about to reach his hand out for the piece of fabric, when his eyes fell onto the sheet of paper lying onto your desk.

He didn't want to invade your privacy, but the headline of the sheet caught his attention.

"Admonition: Pay your rent." Was written at the top of the paper.

His eyebrows cocked up. You didn't mention to them that you were laid with paying your rent this month. Normally, you didn't keep any secrets from each other.

He quickly read over the text. It seemed like you not only forgot to pay your rent, but you had delayed the day of paying several times. His eyes shifted over to your laptop, that was still opened up from when you were earlier working on it.

He entered the password, and the window of your bank account popped open. He saw which account you had opened, and it shocked him. He knew about your life savings, and he was slowly combining the figures.

You sometimes had mentioned that you didn't eared much money with your job, but you had never before complained about being not able to pay for your rent. Why would you take your life saving, instead of asking one of the boys or him for help? They would always help you out.

He stood up from the desk and walked towards the door. He quickly had to ask you about the rent topic, before you would do something you will regret later.

"Aein!" He called from the doorway. "Can you come here for a second, please?"

He waited for you to finally reach the room. Confused, you looked at your tall boyfriend sitting on your bed, looking kind of nervous and worried.

"Are you okay?" You asked, suddenly being pretty nervous yourself.

He didn't answer, instead, he gestured for you to take a place next to him on the bed. You made your way up,, and let your body sink down next to his. From this position, your gaze fell onto your desk. A flash of shock hit your body. Had he read the letter? What if he saw your bank account? What....

"I – ehm – I just want to say that I didn't want to invade your privacy. It was an accident." He said, as he took your hand, looking deep into your eyes. "But I saw the letter lying on your table. Are you having trouble with paying your rent? You know we would ever...."

"No, I am fine." You quickly said, not wanting to hear what he was about to say. "My boss is just a little bit late with my payment. But it will eventually arrive within the next days."

He looked at you intensely, knowing that you were lying because he saw your bank account. He sighed, and pulled you over from your spot onto his lap. Immediately, your arms wrap around his neck, nuzzling your nose into his neck. His apple scent was overwhelming your nose.

"Aein." He said quietly while stroking your back in small circles. "Why are you lying to me? You know that I, that we, would always help you out. I saw on your computer that you were about to take the money from your life savings. Why would you do that instead of asking one of us?"

By now, you couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Not only had you lied to your boyfriends, you also had to admit yourself that you had problems that you couldn't solve on your own. You hugged him tighter, sobbing quietly into his neck.

Namjoon didn't say anything, he just rocked you gently back and forth, rubbing small circles on your back. He wanted to give you the time to tell him by your own. After a few minutes, you finally pulled away from the soft skin of his neck, eyes puffy and red.

"I – I don't – I am sorry." You sobbed even more, not being able to say the words. This was a really big deal for you. "I just don't you to think that I need your money to survive and - and I didn't want to have any depts. So I thought I – I could use some money from my life saving to bridge over this month."

You looked at your hands in your lap, fiddling with the sleeve of Namjoon's shirt.

"Look at me." He said, as he lifted you face by your chin. "Did one of us make you ever feel like you were dependent from us?"

You shook your head slightly, without hesitation.

"Did one of us make you ever feel judged when you had problems?"

You shook your head again.

"Did one of us denied you any help once, when you needed it?"

"No." You whispered.

He pressed a kiss onto your forehead. He then placed his left arm under your kneecap and his right arm under your back to lift you up in his arms. As he began to walk out of your room, you wrapped your arms once again around his neck.

When the two of you reached the living room, all the other heads shot up from the TV.

"Where have you been so long?" Jin asked as he shoved a hand full of crisps into his mouth.

When they saw your puffy eyes, they all immediately knew that your had been crying. Namjoon sat down onto the sofa, letting go of you, as another pair of strong arms were already wrapped around your body from behind.

"What happened?" You heard Jungkook whispering in your ear from behind, as he placed small kisses all around your ear.

You hesitated for a moment. Then looking up at Namjoon, who gestured for you to tell them, by lying his hand on your knee.

Carefully, you told your boyfriends about the financial problems your had. You told them about your work and your boss not being able to pay your payment in time, so you could pay your rent in time. You told them about you not being brave enough to ask someone for help, because you were embarrassed.

The boys listened carefully, as you spoke.

"But Jagyia." Jimin had crawled up beside you. "We are together. You have to tell us everything that is on your mind. We would never reject you, you know?"

"I know." You laughed slightly as you kissed his plump lips, that were just inches away from yours. "I am sorry. I thought I can just bridge this month."

"You are so silly sometimes." Jin suddenly said, as he bent forward to grab your arms pulling you along with him as he threw himself backwards onto the sofa. "I want you to trust us with everything that bothers you. We want you to be happy."

The eighth of you kept talking a little while longer, until you heard the words:

"Maybe paying rent is not necessary anymore, because there actually is something we wanted to ask you for quite a long time now."

________________________________________

I think this one is pretty cute.

What do you think is the question at the end? I thin it is pretty obvious. Lol.

Mꨄ

[sherrybaby14]

The Acceptance

This is my submission for @darkmcuficswap​  @darkficsyouneveraskedfor​ Holiday swap!  My giftee is  @opheliadawnwalker3​. I hope you enjoy hun!

Summary:  After a holiday gone terribly wrong you face a decision with the new year. 

Holiday:  New Year's/Halloween 

Warnings:  Non Con (PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS OFFENDS YOU), SMUT, kidnapping, alcohol.  

****I have chosen not to warn for everything, please READ AT OWN RISK****

Words: 4000

Pairing:  Stucky x reader

December 31st 

The snow captivated you, tiny white flakes drifting down, landing without fear on the cold ground.  You pinched your eyes shut and bit your lip, wishing you were one of them, free to fall away from this place.  

A knock sounded on the door, but you didn’t turn away from the window.  The wood opened, the knock only a formality, you had no privacy anymore.  Not here.  Not with them.  

“I brought you something special to wear tonight.”  Steve’s voice used to sound like nails on a chalkboard, you missed those days when you would claw at him, scream, try to find a weapon.  The fight in you was burning out with the end of the year.  “I hope you’ll wear your makeup and hair to fit the look.”

There was a warning in his voice.  You dropped your chin in a nod.  He approached you from behind, but you didn’t tense as his hands touched your shoulders.  

“Good girl.”  He placed a kiss on the top of your head.  “If you behave we can have a lot of fun tonight.  All of us.  I promise Doll.”  

“If...if I’m good enough will you let me go?”  You turned and looked at Steve with hope that dashed away as soon as you saw the anger in his eyes.  “To the pool tomorrow?  I want to swim some laps.”  

A smile crept on Steve’s face.  You used to think of him as a symbol of American pride and righteousness, but now all you could see was the wickedness he hid.  

“I think your muscles will be plenty sore after tonight.”  He dropped his hands to your waist and pulled you closer.  “That was a nice attempt at covering the question though, but you know I can’t let that go unpunished.  Would you like to learn your lesson now or ruin our festivities later?”  

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”  Tears spilled as you buried your head into his chest.  “Please, let’s have a good night.  I’ll be good I promise.”  

“Shhhh.”  Steve rubbed your back as you fisted his shirt, terrified of what he had in mind.  You felt his cock harden underneath his jeans, pressing to your stomach with the hug.  “No punishment, but make it up to me right now?”  

Steve’s hands slid up your shoulders and he applied a bit of pressure.  You nodded your head and locked eyes with him as you dropped to your knees.  

He pulled his cock out and you wasted no time taking him into your mouth, flicking your tongue as you gathered saliva to take him deeper.   

“There is no leaving here Doll.”  Steve’s fist found your hair as he started to work with your movements.  “And certainly not for good behavior.  I thought you were starting to understand?”

He let out a grunt and you worked his cock faster, reaching between his legs to fondle his balls as his pants slipped down his thighs.  

“You are so good.  You are the best.  Even when you’re bad, you’re too much fun to ever let go.”  Steve pushed your head down hard and you fought off the gag.  “I bet you’re soaked right now, sucking my cock this way.  Just a pool between your legs?  Once you stop fighting that and admit how happy you are, instead of asking for a swim asking me to fuck you?  Then you might get permission to go, but you’ll never leave because by then you will realize this is where you belong.”  

You squeezed your legs together and hated it that he was right.  You were dripping.  You looked up at him with begging eyes.  He nodded and you wrapped your body around his leg, straddling his shin you began to hump him while you continued sucking, taking him deeper and keeping pace with your mouth.  

“Fucking beautiful Doll.”  Steve bit his lip.  “Speed up because I’m going to finish.” 

You started to pant as you ground against him, trying to give your clit the pressure and action it needed to send you over the edge while drool ran down your chin. You pressed your tongue hard on the underside of his cock, taking him in with deep strokes.  

Your eyes pinched shut, but his hand grabbed your face and you popped them open.  Never look away when you cum. He glared at you with the intensity only he had and you exploded around his legs, bits of pleasure making you shake as your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest.  

Steve let out a moan and his dick expanded in your mouth before his seed shot to the back of your throat.  You flicked your tongue and sucked in your cheeks, knowing better than to let a drop spill.  

“Fuck Doll.”  Steve pulled out and tucked himself a way.  “You are amazing.”  

He lifted his leg and you cringed, all too aware of the wet spot on his jeans.  

“Don’t worry about it, I’m going to dress nicer tonight anyway.”  He kissed the top of your head.  “Be ready in three hours.”

You slumped on the floor as he left the room.  Your naked body recovering from the orgasm, almost upset it wasn’t more intense.  You liked it better when it came from a cock.  Your thoughts made you cringe. 

You were so used to being naked all the time it didn’t even register any more, and the thought about liking the more intense orgasms?   

“What the fuck is wrong with you.”  You looked back out to the snow, wondering if you could piece together where it had all gone wrong. 

~~

July

“I hate New York.”  You plopped down on the park bench next to your friend and pulled out your sandwich.  “I’m leaving the city as soon as I can.”  

“You’ve only been here six months.”  She laughed and handed you a pop.  “And you met me right? There’s something positive.” 

“I know.” You gave a frown. “I just thought I would get lost in a sea of people, maybe discover myself, but what I’m discovering is I hate crowds, I don’t like my job, and I always feel like someone is watching me.”  

“Like a guardian angel?”  

“No.”  You shook your head. “Like someone is going to jump out of the bushes and grab me.  I miss small town middle of nowhere life.  Not cut out for the city.”  

“Don’t give up yet.”  She touched your arm.  A loud SNAP came from the treeline and both of your heads whipped in that direction.  “Jesus.”  

She started to laugh first and then you joined in.  

“Come over tonight.  We can find you a new job, it’s the land of opportunity.”  

“Alright.”  You agreed mainly because you didn’t want to be alone.  

Your friend continued chatting but your eye’s couldn’t stop looking toward the bushes.  

~~

August

“I love New York.”  You grinned as you sat down next to your friend.  

“You got the job?”  She beamed at you.  

“I have no idea how or why, but yes.  You’re looking at the newest employee of Stark Enterprises.”  You kicked your knees up and punched the air.  “I mean, it’s a work from home gig, I have no office at the towers, I’m not going to meet the Avengers or anything, but the pay is good and the benefits are nice.  Maybe in a few months I’ll have enough to live in a safer neighborhood.”  

“Still getting stalker vibes?”  

“Big time.  I swear I felt someone breathing on my neck the other night.”  You touched the spot.  “I about sprinted home, but now I’ll never have to leave my apartment.”  

“I’m glad you’re calling it home.”  She gave you a nudge.  “And you will have to leave your apartment!  How else are you going to see me?  Let’s go out tonight and celebrate.”  

“Okay.”  You smiled. 

“Wow, you must be in a good mood, I don’t know that I’ve ever gotten you out after dark.  I was starting to think you were a vampire.”  

“I’m a morning person. No clubs, no bars, no crowds, maybe a nice dinner?”  You shrugged.  

“How are you ever going to meet someone if you don’t do anything social?”  She sighed at you.  “We’re going to a club.  Look nice.  I’ll pick you up at nine.”  

You wanted to object, but you rolled your eyes. Knowing nothing could make you turn her down.  A rock came out of nowhere and hit a pole ten feet from you, the clang making both of you jump.  

“Weird.”  You scanned the treeline but didn’t notice anything but the wind shaking a few bushes.    

“I’m going to call my friend Jonathan.  He will have a hot place to go.”  Your friend was oblivious to the strange happening.  

~~

The club was loud and you felt underdressed.  You watched your friend dance away with a stranger and admired her courage, she looked stunning and you looked like you blended in with the wall.  

“Can I buy you a drink?”  A voice yelled in your ear.  

You turned to see a decent looking man, nothing too special, but nothing threatening.  

“I’m good.”  You shook the full drink in your hand.  

“Bartender, two shots or your strongest stuff.”  The guy held up his fingers.  

“I really, I don’t take shots with strangers. Thank you though.”  You started to walk away but he reached out and grabbed your arm.  

“Come on, don’t be lame.”  The liquid was being poured into the glasses and your stomach turned at the sight.  “Take a drink with me.”  

Your heart rate went through the roof.  You hated saying no almost as much as you hated being grabbed.  Your lips parted as you tried to think about how to respond.  The internal struggle of obedience mixed with the anger about his hand on you.   

Before you could respond the man dropped away.  Someone stepped into the middle of you and pushed the man.  

“The lady said no.”  Was all you could make out over the roar of the club.  

The first guy tried to punch the second, but he grabbed his fist and crumbled it.  You looked at the scene in horror, clutching your purse.  

Violence, alcohol, music, your head began to spin.  You turned and walked outside, feeling a panic coming on.   The heat of the evening hit your face and you climbed into the nearest taxi, texting your friend as you got a ride home, vowing never to test the New York nightlife again.

~~

September

“We’re going to have to stop having lunch on park benches soon.”  You patted the puffer vest you were wearing.   

“About that,” she took a deep breath. “I didn’t know how to break it to you, but we’re going to have to stop having lunches altogether.”  

“What?”  Your eyes went wide.  “You’re joking right?  You’re like my only friend in the world.”  

“Out of the blue, a recruiter offered me this dream position.”  She turned and grabbed your hands.  “The pay is amazing and that’s not even the best part, it’s like the job was tailor made for me, but it’s in Paris.”  

“Paris?!?!”  Your jaw dropped. 

“We can facetime and you can visit?”  She was having a hard time hiding the glee that matched the despair you were feeling.  

“Congratulations.  I’m so happy for you.”  You smiled, not wanting to ruin her moment, hating New York again.  

~~

October 31

You taped shut the last of the moving boxes.  It was sad seeing your entire life packed up, unable to notice how small the stack was.  All the furniture came with the apartment, you weren’t much of a shopper and never got around to getting that cat.  

Your phone rang and you recognized your boss’s phone number, picking up right away.  

“Hello, Mr. Jones, I’m all packed up.”  You set the last box down.  

“Good, good.  The moving van will be there tomorrow early, we’re looking forward to you joining our team.”  His voice sounded oddly familiar, but you kept brushing it off.  “And you’re still coming to the party tonight?”  

“About that.”  You hit your laptop’s button and saw the invitation.  “I’m really not much of a party person, and I never got around to getting a costume.”  

“I was clear when I offered you the promotion.  We’re a small R&D team, we work very closely.  It is important you bond with us.  People are expecting you, costume and all.”  His tone was almost scolding.  

“Well, we’re going to be living together.  I’m sure there’s plenty of time.  I’d rather get settled first.”  You almost turned the promotion down because of that fact, but then you looked into Stark Corp’s R&D, a team of 100 people who worked around the clock, if you put in a year there you were golden.  It was impossible to turn down even if it did involve living in some town upstate.  

“The car is picking you up in an hour.  You will be here in five.  If you don’t have a costume, then dress nice.  People are looking forward to meeting you.” He paused.  “I am looking forward to having you.”  

“Alright.”  You told yourself you heard him wrong before hanging up the phone.  

There was something off about the situation.  Like you wished you had someone to tell where you were going to stay for the next year.  You hadn’t spoken to your friend since the Paris move, and there was really nobody else in your life to tell.  The foster parents you hadn’t spoken to in years?  The ex who broke your heart?  The former best friend he slept with?  Maybe the crazy old lady down the hall?  

 With a tap of the keys you pulled up the email from “Tony Stark'' offering you the position. This was a top level fortune 500 company.  There was nothing to worry about.  You were being paranoid and needed to accept that your dream was coming true.  

~~

This car felt too important for you.  The driver was friendly, but you ran out of things to say an hour ago.  You glanced at your phone, noting that you were getting close.  Then you noticed a no service bar in the corner.  

“I’ll have to get a new plan.”  You tried to call a random number and got nothing. “No service.”  

“No, this is a top secret area.”  The driver turned and smiled at you. “No service from any provider.  Nothing surrounding the house for 10 miles in any direction, even then it's only a few hunting cabins. Most are abandoned.  You must be a very special lady to make the team.”  

“I don’t know much about the team, only what the website said, and Mr. Jones of course.”  You didn’t think of the isolation when you accepted.  

“Tony had the area declared a no fly zone by the US Government.”  The driver tapped the wheel.  “If you look to your left soon you’ll see the fence.  It’s impenetrable.”  

Tony? The driver must be high up if that was how he referred to Stark. Your thoughts were distracted when you saw the metal and the wiring shine in the distance.  

“This place looks like Jurassic Park.”  The driver slowed as the gate opened ahead.  “I’m starting to think I’ll get kicked out in a week.”  

Anxiety flooded you, you weren’t ready for this.  You’d worked there what? A few months?  You weren’t this smart, what could you contribute?  

“Don’t worry,  I have it on good authority you’re perfect for the role.”  The driver grinned, it was so genuine and infectious you smiled back and your nerves calmed.  

“I understand why people call you Happy.”  You relaxed.  “It fits.”  

“So I’ve been told.”  He looked back to the road.  “I probably won’t see you again, it was a pleasure driving you though.  I’m sure Mr. Rogers will take good care of you.”  

“Rogers?”  You raised an eyebrow.  

“Whatever generic name you want to use, Smith, Mason, Miller, Brown.  They’ll assign you one too.”  Happy shrugged.  “You��re a VIP now.”  

A wave of stupidity washed over you.  It never occurred to you that pseudonyms were being used.    

The house started to come into view.  You grabbed the headrests and moved forward.  It was a mansion, almost a castle.  The place was modern, as if it was made with black glass somehow.  

“This is bigger than a football stadium.”  You had to crane your neck to see up.  

“Just a house Miss.”  Happy pulled into the drive.  “Nothing you can’t handle.”  

He put the car in park and winked at you.  All your nerves were calmed, this was perfect.  Your dream come true.  You were picturing a college dorm situation, but one thousand people could live here, let alone one hundred.  

“Thank you.”  You opened the door to the car as Happy left and went for the trunk.  

You started to stand when something fell off your lap, you chuckled to yourself, your nerves being replaced with excitement as you put on the witch’s hat.  A simple accessory that turned your black dress into a costume.   

There was a warmth growing in you as you walked up the massive steps, taking in the building in the night sky, almost some primal feeling telling you that you were home. 

Happy pushed open the door and set your bag down.  You followed after, entering a great hall, you were beaming ready to meet your new team, but your smile faded when you saw it was empty.  

“Where is everyone?”  You looked at the staircases that wound up to either side, the  echo of your voice giving you an empty feeling. 

“You got her here in one piece?”  Mr. Jones’ voice boomed across the bricks.  

“As promised.”  Happy shrugged.  

“And she wore a costume?”  A new voice made you look to the other stairwell.  

Your brain tried to register the voices with the faces, but the faces took over.  

“Steve Rogers and James Barnes?”  Avengers. Real ones.  You kept looking back and forth.  “What?  How important is this place?”  

You didn’t know whether to thank them for all they had done for the world or question whether you deserved to be on this team.  

“Now that you’re here Doll, it’s the most important place in the world.”  They both arrived at the bottom at the same time.  

“My cue to leave, have a nice night gentlemen.”  Happy sounded so distant as the door shut behind him.  

“I’m,  my name is,  this is so embarrassing.”  You let out a laugh as you brought your hand to your chest.  “I didn’t think I would be meeting Avengers.”  

They walked toward you, both of them as if they were circling you.  

“We know your name Doll.”  Captain America reached out and touched your chin.  

You backed up and ran into the Winter Soldier.  

“We know everything about you.”  The brunette’s hands slid down your arms and stopped at your wrists.  “I’ve been waiting for this for months.”  

He placed a kiss on your neck and you started to step forward, but ran right into Captain, who again touched your chin, this time with a little more force.  

“What?”  You didn’t know what else to say.  

“It was getting too difficult to stay away..”  Steve pressed his forehead to yours.  “Welcome home Love.” 

“I’ve…sorry, what?”  James’ tongue slid up your neck and you gasped, Steve used the opportunity to slide his own into your mouth.  

You were so confused, but reacted on instinct, trying to raise your hands to shove Steve away only to be met with a tighter grip on your wrists by the man behind you. 

Steve let out a chuckle while continuing to kiss you as his hands found your breasts.  He kneaded them as your brain tried to catch up with your body, his fingers finding your nipples through the material of your dress, you let out a squeal as he gave a pinch.  

“Remember, I won the bet.”  James’ teeth grazed your neck as Steve stopped the kiss.  “She wore a costume.”  

Steve scowled as he walked away from you.   

“What’s happening?”  You tried to fight the fog.  “Where am I?”  

“You’re home.”  Steve walked toward a chair and then sat down, you were too busy watching him you didn’t realize a wrist had been freed until the sound of your zipper going down snapped you back to reality.  

Instead of trying to run you attempted to hold the garment up.  Anger flashed on Captain America’s eyes as the Winter Soldier tore the entire thing away.  

“No clothes.  None.  I wanted her naked all the time.”  Steve reached into his pants and pulled his cock out.  

You whimpered at the sight, he was large.  Wait what?  You were too concentrated on the wrong thing and you didn’t notice your bra sliding down your arms.  You started to turn around to shove James away, but he used your motion to flip you over his shoulder and run down the hall.  

SMACK!  His hand hit with your ass as you bobbed over his shoulder, too shocked to really react.  You lifted your head to see the witch hat on the stone floor.   

“I’m so proud of you for wearing the costume.”  The man dropped you, but before you hit the floor his hand was on your back, laying you down on a fur rug. “But I’ve been proud of you for months.  My girl.”  

You tried to spin to your stomach and wiggle away, but he placed a cold hand around your neck, not tight but enough to pin you in place as you shoved at his shoulders.  

“It’s why I get the honor of fucking you first.” His other hand found your panties and shredded them with ease.  “Steve didn’t think you’d listen, but I know what a good girl you are.  How perfect.  Our good girl.”

“Stop rubbing it in Bucky.”  Steve’s voice made you arch your neck to see him sitting in a chair, stroking himself.  

A finger ran up your slit and your attention went back to Bucky as you gasped.  

“She’s soaked.”  He looked up at Steve with a grin.

Everything came flooding down at once and you let out a scream as you renewed your struggles.  The men laughed.  

“At least give me a show while I tell our new teammate about her position.”  Steve dropped to his knees.  

Hands were on you as if they had practiced it, James moving to his back so his legs were in front of you while Steve guided you up so you were facing him.  The sound of a zipper came again and you felt Bucky’s cock brush against your thighs as Captain America positioned you.  

“We like to keep an eye on our people.” Steve spoke as Bucky’s hands grabbed your legs and moved you so your entrance was right about his rigid cock. “And we’ve been watching you for some time now.”  

Metal and flesh fingers were on your waist while Steve’s hands went to your shoulders, pushing you down.  You moaned as Bucky’s thick head slid inside with more ease than you were aware.   

Everything was happening too fast. You struggled to breathe, unsure what to focus on: the cock sliding inside of you or the information being displayed. 

  You pictured the park, the feeling of a stalker, the fight in the club, the dream job, the better job, your friend’s Paris position.  

“That’s good Doll.”  Steve licked his lips. “That understanding.  You knew.  You always knew, but you kept inviting us in.”  

“She feels so fucking good.”  Bucky lifted his ass while you continued to lower on his cock, feeling it hit your cervix you let out a cry.  “She was made for us.”  

“You craved us, didn’t you?”  Steve cupped your face as Bucky began to fuck you.  “You knew what this was. Admit it?”  

You didn’t understand anything. You knew nothing.  

“No, stop that.”  Steve pressed his lips to yours while Bucky dug his fingers into your hips, making you bounce on him.  “I see the struggle in your eyes.  Stop denying the truth.”  

You moaned as Bucky began to make your pussy quake, a coil tightening in your stomach.  

“Let her struggle.” Bucky groaned as he held you down, rocking his cock back and forth.  “We’ll guide her down the right path.”  

“I...I...don’t.”  You thought you might have been trying to say no, but your body was being taken over, your mind losing control.  

“Oh you do Doll.”  Steve brought his thumb to your mouth and you parted your lips as he dragged it along your tongue.  “You know.  You know this is what you need. It’s been almost a year since you came, you don’t even touch yourself.” 

Your eyes went wide with that personal information.  

“We know everything.”  Steve lowered his wet thumb.  “Never lie to us, because we know.”  

You cried out as he pressed his digit to your clit, rubbing in circles with such pressure as James railed into you.  

There was no warning as you came, your body shaking.  Your vision blackened, making you collapse against Steve, shivers sending you to another dimension.  Bucky bottomed out, joining you, contracting and filling you with his cum.  

“Wait.”  You didn’t lift your head, too lost for such a simple task.  You didn’t get what was happening, but you knew one thing for sure.  “I’m not on birth control.”  

“Oh yes you are.”  Bucky hit your ass with a smack as he lifted you off of him. 

Steve spun to the carpet, replacing Bucky’s cock with his own as he cradled you to his chest.  You moaned while he filled your over sensitive pussy once again.   

“For a few months now.”  Steve left your chest pressed to his while he lifted his hips, his pelvis gracing your clit with every thrust.  “You have nothing to worry about now Doll.  You’re home.”  

~~~

December 31

You hated your naivety, you hated what they had put you through. But what you hated most of all was the denial. 

The denial that you liked it.  You loved the way they knew what was best, the way they punished you, the way they rewarded you, the way your life had stability for this first time.  

When the knock sounded on your door you said goodbye to the snowflakes at the window.  Maybe you were more like them than you wanted to admit, they would melt someday and you had to accept that you already had.  

You turned to see Bucky and Steve walk in wearing Tuxedos.  They both frowned that you weren’t wearing the beautiful dress Steve brought you, but no doubt confused by the time you spent getting your makeup and hair ready.  Rolling your shoulders back you accepted your fate. 

“Will you please fuck me?”  

[kyber-crystal]

department of matchmaking || s.r

summary: in which you’re asked by aunt may to babysit peter while she’s away at a business conference & steve tags along. peter, being the innocent smol bean he is, tries to get you and the Captain together.

words: ~3.1k

warnings: none, just fluff & a little matchmaking spider-man :) and OH steve’s blue jacket heheh. tony’s your dad in this oop cant resist a stark child. shhh CW never happened bc i’m still in denial 

Peter: Aunt May says she has a couple errands to run so she won't be back until later this afternoon. Can you pick me up? School just ended.

You: Of course!

Peter: Ned and I are planning on building the Lego Death Star tonight. I know you're a sucker for building stuff :)

You: You know me so well, kiddo. I'm definitely in. How could I miss out on our weekly date nights?

Peter: You're the best! See you soon

You: See you!

"Where are you going?"

"May's busy, so I gotta go pick Peter up from school," you explained to Steve as you slung your purse over your shoulder and grabbed the keys to your (Tony's) Audi, sliding your sunglasses on. "We're having one of our weekly Friday movie nights, and he and Ned just got a new Lego set that they want me to help construct. You wanna come along?"

"Sure, I don't mind."

You headed outside to the car together, sticking the keys into the ignition as Steve slid in next to you in the passenger's seat. "I hope you don't have anything else planned for the rest of tonight. We might be there for a while...I know we were gonna see that new action movie in theaters tomorrow. I'm sorry."

"Nope, no plans," he smiled, "I'm free for the rest of this weekend. As long as I get to spend time with you, it's okay."

You couldn't help but feel your heart flutter a bit at his words. 

But you quickly brushed the thought off, knowing the last thing you were supposed to do was fall for someone after you'd just gotten over a nasty breakup.

Soon enough, you pulled up in front of Midtown High School and saw Peter standing with Ned by the curb. You rolled the window down and called out to them. "Hey, boys. Need a ride?"

"My favorite Avenger! Hi!" Ned greeted as he and Peter got into the backseat, strapping their seatbelts on.

"Ouch, I'm offended," Steve placed a hand over his chest and pretended to look hurt. "I thought I was your favorite?"

"Captain America! It's an honor!" he exclaimed. "I've heard so much about you from Peter!"

"Oh, really? I hope he only told you good things?" the super-soldier chuckled.

"Yup!"

"So, how was school?" you glanced back at the two teenagers from the rearview mirror. "Anything interesting happen?"

"No, except they actually served something edible in the cafeteria for lunch today," Peter rolled his eyes. "Which is a first."

You sighed, placing your hand back on the wheel, "School food isn't the best thing ever."

"So uh, I have a question," Ned spoke up as you headed down the street, "are you and Y/N a...thing? ‘Cause I hear a lot of fans are speculating that the kickass agent and America’s golden boy are dating."

"What? No," you and Steve replied in unison, exchanging a knowing look before bursting into laughter. "No."

"Okay..."

It was mostly quiet for the rest of the car ride back to the apartment. Peter pulled out the keys from his jacket pocket and slid it in the lock, pushing the door open and gesturing for the rest of you to come inside.

"So," he breathed out, setting his backpack down by the front door and dusting his hands off. You sat around the sofa together, glancing at the massive Lego set on the coffee table. "Here it is, in all its glory."

"How many pieces is this?" Steve questioned, looking at it in shock.

"Almost 4000."

A buzzing sound from his phone made Peter look down, swiping a few times before unlocking it and scanning over the new notification.

"May has an overnight business conference and she won't be back until tomorrow evening. She wants you to babysit," he explained as he looked up at you.

"Fine by me," you shrugged. "Cap?"

"Sure, why not."

"But I'm 15 and 8 months! I'm not a baby."

"Well, kiddo, I'm 28 and Tony treats me like a baby even though I’m not a baby anymore. Steve's going on 32, and acts like he's 12."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do."

"I do not!"

"Yes, you do."

"Arguing like a married couple," Peter coughed, and Ned wiggled his eyebrows up and down. "Cute."

"For the last time, we're not a thing," you let out an exasperated sigh, but felt a blush creep up your cheeks as you spoke.

Two hours later you were a little over halfway done with building the Death Star, and fatigue was beginning to catch up with you after you neglected your sleep schedule and pulled three all-nighters in a row bingeing Netflix with Sam.

You let out a yawn as you flipped through the instructions pamphlet, stretching your arms up in the air.

"You tired?" Steve asked. You were too tired to respond, simply leaning into him and closing your eyes.

"You can take her to the guest room. Straight down the hall, then turn right," Peter said as he noticed you'd now fallen asleep on him. "We can continue this after dinner."

Steve scooped you up into his strong arms and carried you down the hall, pushing the door to the guest room open with one hand before carefully setting you down on the bed, tucking you in.

"Sleep tight," he whispered, a ghost of a smile on his face as he leaned down to kiss your forehead and left.

"Ahem. Now that she's gone," Ned cleared his throat, "time to plan on how we're supposed to get our OTP together!"

"Ned, really-"

"You should ask her out, Cap. I see the way you look at her," Peter raised an eyebrow at him, "I mean, it's clear to everyone how you feel about her, and the way she feels about you. Sam sees it, Mr. Stark sees it, heck, I think May has her suspicions as well because she wouldn't stop talking about how great of a couple you two would be over dinner last night-"

"Look, Peter, I don't think she's ready for a relationship."

"Why not?"

"She just broke up with her boyfriend two months ago. I doubt she'd be willing to date again."

"But you're her best friend! You're literally the perfect man for her!"

"It doesn't matter. I'm not taking advantage of someone when they're vulnerable. That isn't right."

He scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest and kicking his feet up against the coffee table, tossing a spare Lego piece up and down in one hand. "Yeah, I totally believe the great Captain America isn't in love with the great Y/N."

"She's my friend. A teammate."

"Friends with benefits!" Ned chimed in. Steve made a face at this. "No, not like that. I mean that as in, you guys do all the things that regular couples do, except you're not officially a couple. And I think that's big enough of an indication that you should get together for real."

"I'm just waiting for the right time."

"AHA!" both boys shouted. "So you are in love with her!"

"Keep it down!" he scolded. "She's asleep!"

"You didn't deny it this time..."

"Fine, whatever. What do you guys want for dinner? I'll go pick it up."

"Pizza."

"If Y/N asks where I am, just tell her I went to go get the food."

"Okay."

As soon as the door shut behind Steve, Peter and Ned's heads immediately whipped over and they faced each other, exchanging evil grins.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Ned practically squealed.

"Yeah, I'm thinking what you're thinking!"

"Romantic dinner and movie night setup!" both boys whooped and hollered.

"I'll light the candles and get the napkins. May always keeps a stock of scented ones when Y/N comes over because she loves the smell of cherry blossoms."

"...I'll grab the rose petals and tablecloth."

"Rose petals?"

"Mind if I tear apart the flower on your desk?"

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Also, the regular tall candles are in the cabinet below the sink in the bathroom."

"Yessir."

Twenty minutes later, Steve came back with the pizza in hand, setting the keys on the counter and closing the door, stopping dead in his tracks as he observed the scene before him.

"What is going on?"

"We set up a date night for you two because we know you've been working hard this past week and deserved to relax," Peter explained happily. "So, here you go!"

"Peter," Steve sighed, rubbing his forehead, "I appreciate your effort, but Y/N isn't ready for a relationship and neither one of us has feelings for the other."

"But you guys deserve a break! After working nonstop you should at least rest or something."

"Alright, alright. I'll go get Y/N. You guys set the pizza on the plates for everyone, okay?"

"Got it."

You yawned and rubbed your eyes, then stretched your arms up into the air, skidding to a halt as you observed the sight before you.

“Wh...what’s going on?”

Peter and Ned grinned from where they sat on the couch, paper plates on their laps. “We thought you deserved a nice break, so we set up a little something for you guys!”

“A romantic dinner? Why...”

"It looks pretty and gives off a relaxing mood. Why else?” Peter laughed nervously. “Now eat!”

“Okay...” you started growing suspicious, but didn’t question it, “alright, then.”

You fell into an awkward silence after that, aside from the occasional sound of silverware clinking against plates and drink glasses being set back down on the table. The atmosphere felt heavier than before and you couldn’t help but wonder what it was. 

“So, uh...how have you been holding up?” Steve asked you tentatively. He knew the topic of your ex-boyfriend was still that of a rather sensitive one - you’d come storming through the elevator doors and gulped down half a bottle of vodka (you never drank, so this had everyone genuinely worried), before heading upstairs and taking a forty-five minute shower, then afterwards, proceeded to lock yourself in your room for the rest of the afternoon. 

When you wouldn’t come down for dinner, he had to carry up your food to you and when you refused to eat, he was the one to force-feed you. When you suddenly broke down sobbing when he asked you if you were alright, he was the one who held you in your arms. He was the one who got you out of bed to bring you downstairs for some fresh air and to interact with the others, and not once during the time he was having to take care of you for, did he question any of your behavior. You were hurting and that was all that mattered. If you were hurting, he was hurting, too.

“It’s been a rough eight weeks...” you sighed, rubbing your forehead with one hand as you took a sip of wine. “Could be better, but...I’m alright. I just wish I could’ve seen that coming from the moment I went on that blind date with him.”

“What do you mean?” Steve was confused - you’d never mentioned any details of your relationship, you were a very private person, for that matter. You rarely ever opened up to anyone. “I thought you were...”

“Happy? Hell no, I don’t even know why I stayed,” you scoffed as you took another swing of your drink. “It was so easy to fall into a routine. There was this gaping hole in my heart, and...I needed it to be filled somehow. Then Agent Williams comes along, a seemingly perfect new SHIELD recruit, almost everything a girl could possibly want in a man standing right in front of me...how could I not fall for his façade? I didn’t realize it was doomed from the start until about a week into the relationship...but I held my tongue. I knew if I dared to speak up against him, he’d somehow manage to use my words against me, twist everything I said into a whole new lie...he manipulated me, day after day...yet I still didn’t leave because I genuinely believed he’d change. 

“But I was wrong. I was naïve, I stayed because I was so desperate to experience true happiness that I went as far as to stay with someone I knew would do a number on my mental health in the long run. I shouldn’t have been surprised when I walked into HQs one day to drop stuff of for Coulson, to see Williams on top of someone else...in the gym. In the gym...of all places. I only didn’t blast him because I didn’t want to destroy Fury’s property. So I slapped him and left. That’s it. This whole...fling, or whatever the hell you want to call this shitty relationship, lasted only twenty-six days before everything fell apart. God, I’m so stupid - I should’ve known. I was so stupid, I’m such a horrible person for doing what-”

Steve felt his blood boil with anger. Williams had cheated on you - that’s why you’d broken up. All this time he’d been thinking that you simply fell out of love, or maybe ended it on friendlier terms - when in fact, it was anything but.

Nobody deserved to be treated this way, especially you. I could treat you much better, he thought to himself.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said softly, reaching a hand up to wipe the stray tears that fell from your eyes. Instead of letting his hand fall back at his side right away, he let it linger there for a moment, gently stroking your cheekbone with his thumb. The feeling sent electricity up his fingers. “It’s not your fault. You’re not a bad person...he is.”

“Shit, I think our plan’s backfiring,” Peter hissed into Ned’s ear as they watched the scene unfold from the couch. “What the fuck, Ned!”

“Shh! Hold on, they’re having a really deep conversation. Let them be for a second.”

“I was stupid enough to stay, when he was giving off all the wrong signs...I should’ve listened to Tony and Nat. They knew. They knew from the moment we first got together, but I didn’t listen...”

“It’s okay. You didn’t know any better,” he reassured you, absentmindedly taking your hand in his and rubbing circles across your palm, “you just wanted to be happy. To experience that feeling that came along with being in a relationship. Frankly, I think I would’ve done the same thing.”

“And what makes me feel even worse,” your voice caught in your throat as you spoke, “...were my true intentions of staying. I wanted to be happy, I really did. But I realized I’d never achieve that with someone like him...in a way, I was using him too, I guess. Not for my personal gain or anything, not to boost my social status, like he did...he always made a point of walking around and declaring that he had an Avenger girlfriend. But...”

“But what?”

“I knew if I was in a relationship with someone, that’d prevent me from thinking about being with anyone else. Well...that plan failed...horribly.”

“...What are you saying?”

“Of course, I didn’t figure that out until not long ago...but yeah. The heart wants what it wants...and it didn’t want him.”

“Then who was it?”

Your gaze flickered down to your now-intertwined fingers. You hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “...I think you know who it is, Steve.”

“See!” Ned kicked Peter in the shin as he was in the middle of finishing off his second slice, and he winced. “It’s getting saucy!”

“Ow!” 

“I think we both know,” Steve murmured. 

You let out a sound that was a cross between a laugh and a sob. “I don’t know why I tried pursuing a relationship that wouldn’t fulfill me in the long run. I should’ve known it was you all along, huh? You know me like the back of your hand. For Odin’s sake, you remembered every detail of my SHIELD file, my favorite color, my exact birth date, everything there is to know about me. It’s always been you-”

“...It broke my heart to see you with someone who wasn’t me,” he said quietly.

“Then why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want you to feel like I was meddling in your love life. I know you hate it when people do that.”

“Steve-”

“I knew you weren’t as happy as you let on. I shouldn’t have stayed silent...I should’ve at least said something. I was terrified to speak up, thinking that you wouldn’t reciprocate my feelings-”

“You...you what?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled lightly, “I’m in love with you.”

Peter let out a squeak. Ned chucked a pillow at him, a giddy look on his face.

“Good news,” you laughed, “because I’m in love with you too.”

“FINALLY!” Ned whooped, unable to contain his excitement for any longer. He and Peter exchanged a fist-bump. “FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY! I can’t believe our ship finally sailed! Though I gotta be honest, I had no idea pizza could bring out people’s true feelings like that.”

“We’re geniuses!” Peter squealed, pulling out his phone.. “Oh, wait until Mr. Stark hears about this!”

Your eyes widened in realization. “Peter, don’t you dare c-”

Too late. A buzzing sound came from your phone, alerting you of a new notification, and you unlocked it to see a text from your father. 

Mr. Stank😡: Took you long enough, honey. I expect a grandchild soon.

Mr. Stank😡: But I’m gonna be honest, I wouldn’t want any other man for you than Capsicle himself.

You let out a loud groan, shoving your phone back into your purse. “Oh, come on.”

A buzzing sound came from Steve’s phone as well, and he took it out of his pocket to take a look. 

Stark: You better not knock her up until after you get married and then leave. I learned that lesson too late. I’m being serious when I’m telling you to treat her right - she hasn’t been the same since her mother walked out all those years ago. You make her happy, though, so I won’t try to intervene.

Stark: But if you hurt her in any way, I’ll break your face. Capiche?

Steve: ...Capiche.

“Ooh! I just got a promotion for telling him about you guys!” Peter clasped his hands together. “I’m joining you on your next group mission!”

“That’s great, Peter!” you congratulated, “but...why would he give you a promotion for...this?”

“Because he’s been waiting for this to happen for the longest time! Oh and also, your food’s getting cold.”

“We could just reheat it. Or...if you guys are still hungry, do you want to go to Olive Garden?” Steve looked over at the two teenage boys. 

“YES.”

“Y/N, what about you?”

“It’s a date,” you winked. You let out a small laugh upon seeing his cheeks flush red.

[bonesaldente]

Ferocious I Darth Maul x Reader

Chapter 10: Trust

last chapter

all chapters

ao3

warnings: nudity, mildly suggestive language

words: 4000+

_____

note: For… reasons, this is an alternate universe in which space ships have actual showers with water, not just sonic showers. Also, Maul’s cybernetics are waterproof. I don’t make the rules... wait- I do. Also, make sure to read the end notes today :)

_____

Stars, you hate it here.

Everything, from the endless nights to the lack of clean water and the ever-looming prospect of going to prison increases your motivation to somehow fix the communicator yourself and run off before Kenobi can take you with him, leaving him stranded on the planet.

For exactly a decade, just to be even.

“It should work,” Kenobi remarks with very apparent annoyance. “Everything is connected and the power source is on.”

“Well, it’s obviously not working.”

“Thank you for your observation.” He drops his hands into his lap, looking quite defeated. And tired.

While you’ve been keeping some structure in your days, he’s been working tirelessly on repairing that communicator. Until he did tire out, occasionally.

Now was one of these occasions.

“I’m losing focus and I can hardly see anything. It’ll be best to continue when the sun comes back up again.”

Which is precisely what you were hoping he’d say, but you still force yourself to make another snide comment. “Maybe it’ll fix itself while you’re resting and we are magically transported off this planet.”

He pays you no mind and heads to what’s become his sleeping spot over the past days - or has it been over a week already?

“I trust you’ll keep watch?”

You just huff, but don’t refuse his request. It is an agreement you’ve come to quite early on when you both realized that the death of one would make the other’s survival significantly less likely. So while he sleeps, you make sure no animals sneak up and attack him, which, apart from the “dinner” incident a few days ago, only happened once, but still rattled him enough to make him remind you of your duty evry time he went to sleep.

Except tonight, you plan on shifting your attention to something completely different. 

You have not, in fact, come to terms with the probable reality that you’ll spend the rest of your days in a prison of the Republic. Instead, you’ve been observing what exactly Kenobi is doing to repair the life-saving device and despite your lack of aptitude in such things, you, too, see that the communicator should - in theory - work. Kenobi is overworked and agitated; it would only be natural for him to miss something.

Something you might be able to catch and use to your advantage.

 You remain still where you are until you hear his quiet breaths evening out, indicating he has fallen asleep.

“Kenobi?” You whisper into the silence, a last test to check if he is still conscious.

No response.

Your heart beats fast in your chest, all too aware of how pressing time is. For some reason, this man rarely sleeps more than two hours at a time, which could be partially blamed on you for always nagging at him when he isn’t trying to fix the communicator. But then again, you have the feeling that he usually doesn’t have very different habits.

With the kind of stealth only someone who has been trained in these arts could bring up, you sneak across the clearing to where the source of all your troubles and hope lies on the ground.

The device has been taken out of the starfighters cockpit and thus looks pretty out of place and… unfinished. But you know better, having watched the Jedi dismantle and reassemble every little piece.

The metal glints in the shine of your flashlight as you crouch to be on eye-level with the device. At first glance everything seems to be in order, just like the Jedi remarked, but that is not acceptable. Fixing the cursed thing before Kenobi is your only way to freedom and you will not allow your own incompetence to stand in your way.

So you look again. And again.

You shine light into every little corner, every port, under every wire and in between each panel. Time is passing too quickly, you are aware, and your chances are dwindling.

But then you see it.

Tiny and inconspicuous, something organic - a seed maybe - is blocking one of the loose wires from connecting with its respective port. 

You bite your lip to suppress a victorious exclamation, looking over your shoulder to check if Kenobi is still fast asleep.

Heart thrumming in your ears, you take a deep breath to calm your nerves and steady your hand for the task ahead. Cautiously, you lift some of the metal paneling to give you access to the section, fingers weaving through the wires with extra care since many of them are not firmly in place due to the crash and were only pinned to their receptors by Kenobi.

At last, your fingertips graze the disruptive piece of forest that has made it so far into the technology. Slowly, you remove it from its spot, moving the wire back to where it was supposed to connect.

Now let’s try this.

You turn the power on, holding your breath and praying to whatever force there is out there that it won’t make any noise.

A quiet whir is the only indication that the power is flowing, causing a small smile to creep over your hidden features. The display comes to life, faintly glowing blue. You throw looks over your shoulder every few seconds, hastily pressing the buttons to type in the private comm information Maul and all his commanding warriors kept as a backup for emergencies. You have no idea how many emergencies must have occurred in these past weeks, but you hope your message won’t be drowned out by others. This is the only shot you get.

You pick some coordinates that, if your knowledge of space navigation isn’t misleading you, should be a few miles north of your current location, then sign the message with ‘ -S ’ .

You stare at the numbers, forcing your mind to absorb them, then you hit send and a series of green lights tells you it at least went out successfully, meaning all you can do now is to hope that it will be received the same way. 

Kenobi is still fast asleep, chest rising and falling steadily. You almost feel sorry for what you’re about to do, but there really aren’t many alternatives. 

You take out a small vial from a pocket in your belt, filling a syringe with it. It’s been a while since you last used it, but you made sure you always have some tranquilizers on you, and now you’re thankful for that.

On your tiptoes, you sneak to Kenobi’s sleeping form, narrowing your eyes to make out the exposed skin on his neck.

The needle is buried in his neck in a matter of seconds and his eyes shoot open in shock and confusion while his hands fly to his neck.

“Why-”

“Nothing personal,” you assure him when his eyelids droop and his words lose coherence.

Normally, this should knock a person out for at least three hours, but you don’t know how a force sensitivity might influence that. One way or another, you should take off now and get as big a headstart as you can. But first, one more thing.

You give the heap of beige robes that is the Jedi knight one more almost regretful look, then you crush the communicator beneath your heel. Can’t risk him calling for Republic forces while you’re still in the area after all, and you’d have no way of taking the device with you, since it’s hooked up to the ship wreckage.

Why you spare his life, you don’t know, and you’d rather not spend too much time thinking about it. Perhaps you should kill him, after all he’s done to Maul, and why your conscience decides to pipe up now of all times will remain a mystery. You have killed people in less honorable ways, but…

“Ugh,” you grunt, finally turning your back on the Jedi and starting your journey north.

 *

 “Maul! Maul, come here!”

He jerks up, briefly having fallen asleep leaned against the wall. For a second, he fully expects to see your gleaming eyes staring back at him, that’s how familiar the voice is. It takes him a moment to understand that it’s not you, but Loa calling him.

Which is supremely peculiar, because the young woman rarely ever addresses him, let alone command him.

He is out of the room, your room, in a flash, looking over Loa’s shoulder at the message displayed a second later.

Both of his hearts seem to skip a beat.

The message consists of nothing but a set of coordinates, the only indication of its origin the ‘ -S ’ with which it is signed.

S as in… Spectress?

It must be you. There is no one else with access to this line of communication who would send this kind of message.

Loa gapes at the writing. 

“It’s… It’s her, isn’t it? It’s gotta be her, I’m…”

“Set course,” is his only response, sitting down in the copilot’s seat, several scenarios already running through his mind.

“Looks like some type of… forest moon,” She remarks, readying the ship for hyperspace with outstanding speed and routine. You weren’t exaggerating at all when you said she had become a good pilot.

He ponders for a minute. If you are somehow stranded there, they won’t need reinforcement, with their forces stretched thin as it is. But if any threats lurk nearby and he puts your little sister in danger…

He will die by your hand, then. Or his own.

“How long?”

“Estimate of four hours.”

“Very well. I will try to find out what to expect when we arrive there.”

 According to his sources, there has been no Republic activity in the system in question over the past month - that’s what he found out after two hours of vehement research. Really, he already knew that after thirty minutes, but you being so close yet so far from him drove him to bury himself in databanks and records by his spies.

His thoughts travel to a darker place.

He doesn’t know what state you’ll be in when he finds you - if he finds you. And even if you’re fine, everything else is far from fine. Mandalore, the crime syndicate and most of all, Savage…

Something on the dresser that takes up most of the cramped space clatters to the floor when he loses control of the chaotic force inside him and he flinches, immediately worrying he broke something of importance to you. After all, he has taken up residence in what used to be your small quarters on your ship, before everything happened, before you joined the Death Watch, before you saw him again.

When you were still living relatively safe, off the Republic’s radars.

Out of Master’s reach.

It’s been torturing him every waking moment to think that you might meet the same end that Savage did. The speculation of what could have been if he hadn’t reentered your life has become a constant in his mind. Because if he ever has to see the life fade out of your eyes, the way he saw the nightsister magick leave Savage when he exhaled his last breath, he isn’t sure he could forgive the galaxy. He vows to himself, already vowed to himself few days after he first laid eyes on you, that he will do anything to keep that fiery soul safe.

His fingers run over the cold piece of metal that has fallen, curiously examining it. No, not normal metal, beskar . There are letters forged into it, but they look like traditional Mando’a scripture, which he is still unpracticed in reading.

He contemplates putting it into the uppermost drawer, lest it get lost during more daring flight maneuvers, but he hesitates. He’s never opened any of the drawers, despite the very persistent curiosity he felt. The last he’d want is to invade your privacy; you hadn’t even consented to him sleeping in your private space (although he doubts you would mind after he has literally slept with you).

Maul makes up his mind and pulls the drawer open, not intending to even look, but his gaze still gets caught.

He expected to find clothes, maybe, or, knowing you, weapons. What he finds instead is a collection of… trinkets. 

It’s not new to him that you have a tendency to collect items, sometimes out of sentiment, sometimes as a trophy. He didn’t realize you kept them so meticulously stored.

It’s quite endearing, he thinks.

Some of the items he recalls you talking about, but others seem entirely random. His eyes linger on a piece of flimsiplast that looks like a child has drawn on it. 

He is tempted to take it out and hold it into the light, but quickly realizes that it would go against his original decision not to pry.

There is so much personal history collected in that small space. Dozens of untold stories, so many parts of your life that he missed.

He won’t rest until he knows you’ll still be able to tell them.

 *

 Oddly enough, you miss Kenobi. More precisely, you miss his ability to sense danger before it has reached you.

Every little noise startles you, every swish of wind making your heart stop and you increase your speed a little.

By now, you’re nearly running through the woods, less than half a mile away from the coordinates you chose.

Chances are, he has woken up by now. And you’re not stupid; you know it’ll be easy for him to track you down when there is no civilization around. From what your understanding of the force is, he should be able to sense your force signature from a larger distance when there is nothing else to disrupt it. That also means that he will be hot on your tail, so whoever shows up to rescue you better hurry .

With a heavy heart, you turn off your flashlight and lean against a tree while you remove your mask for better air supply and allow your eyes to adjust. It still takes so kriffing long, you wonder if that’ll ever change.

If Kenobi finds you first, it won’t make much of a difference.

You get moving again, slower but also less of a beacon in the dark.

The trees start coming in more sparsely now, until you can actually see farther than twenty feet without trees blocking your view. This allows you to pick up speed again and thus make up for the darkness that is slowing you down, until the landscape is so open that you’re actually running now.

And that’s when you hear them.

Branches cracking somewhere behind you. 

Probably just the wind. Keep going.

The dull thud of feet hitting the ground makes your breath catch in your throat.

So maybe he did wake up earlier than anticipated.

You whirl around, seeing nothing but his black silhouette and desperately wishing for a lightsaber, which you - unwisely - have sworn off after the Naboo incident. That, and running around wielding a lightsaber wasn’t exactly the level of subtlety you were going for at the time.

But now, you could really use it.

“I spared your life!” You yell.

“And destroyed my only way away from here,” he responds, sounding almost hurt as he makes slow steps towards you. You take just as many backwards.

Something in the sky beyond him catches your eye and suddenly, the situation looks different.

“I’ve got to look out for myself first,” you argue. “Surely, you understand that.”

“You know I can’t let you go.”

“I do,” you say serenely, taking a deep breath, then whirling around to make a run for it.

You don’t need to look over your shoulder to know he is following you and, even worse, gaining on you.

The small headstart you got, combined with the distance between you two in the first place isn’t nearly enough, even though you are in great shape and a truly fast runner.

The ship you spotted earlier now flies over your head, approaching the ground and you could laugh and cry at the same time. It’s not just any ship, it’s your ship. Your home, and aboard, you hope, your family.

It doesn’t touch the ground, but it flies low enough to be accessible from the ground while slowing to a speed that should allow for you to jump on, if you could only run a little faster.

Damn, ten years ago this would have been easier.

The blast door in the back, only about twenty feet away from you, slides open, revealing a figure that even in the dark you can make out to be…

Maul.

He extends his hand and you instantly know what he wants you to do.

So, you take a deep breath and jump .

The moment your feet leave the ground you feel the tug of the force pulling you to the zabrak while your own hand reaches forward and you fly through the air, until your hand finally reaches Maul’s.

You are not safe yet, still hanging from the edge of the ship when you suddenly feel a different pull on one of your ankles. Your eyes widen in shock and you try to tell Maul that it’s Kenobi, he is pulling you back, but all that you manage is a terrified shriek when your hand almost slips out of his at a particularly strong pull backwards.

Not this time, Kenobi.

Your determination sets in and you look down to see Kenobi standing still, arms extended to manipulate the force. With your one free hand, you reach for your blaster, aiming and-

The hold on your ankle abruptly loosens and you are yanked on board at once, the blast door sliding shut immediately, drowning out the deafening sound of wind.

You are panting, sprawled out on the floor, not even realizing that you did it .

“Hyperspace, as soon as possible,” you distantly hear Maul say, but the thrumming of your heart is too loud to properly hear his voice, until he somehow sits you up and…

Embraces you. 

Warm fingers run through your messy hair, soft murmurs that you can’t quite understand coming from right next to your ear.

“I’m filthy,” you protest weakly, half-heartedly trying to free yourself from his hold but he only holds on tighter and at last you melt into the affection, burying your face in his neck.

“Is Loa…?”

“In the cockpit,” he instantly calms your worries and you sigh happily. For a moment, everything is alright.

“What did I miss?” You eventually muster up the courage to ask.

His grip tightens so much you can feel his fingertips dig into your hip and you immediately know something bad happened.

“It was… Master. He killed Savage.”

Your heart sinks, the previous relief replaced by a dark type of sadness. There is anger and, most dominantly, fear.

The Sith lord doesn’t intend on letting Maul off, which by extension also means there is a target on everyone he surrounds himself with.

You can’t even find words to console him, only taking in a shaky breath against his skin and whispering, "I'm sorry."

"He's free now."

Eventually, you find the strength to get up, tiredly patting over to the cockpit.

“Hey.” Loa presses a few last buttons, then jumps up and crushes you in a tight hug.

“I thought I would never see you again.”

“You know me better than that,” you retort mildly.

“I suppose so,” she sighs, holding you at an arm’s length. “You need a shower,” she assesses, plucking a leaf from your hair.

Self-consciously you run a hand through the tangles, then look down at your muddy clothes.

“I agree.”

 Maul waits for you when you leave the cockpit, immediately taking your hand as if to reassure himself that you are truly there.

“Missed me?” You joke half-heartedly, doing nothing to hide the way the tension seems to melt from your body at the touch.

“Every minute,” he answers earnestly, not a hint of a joke in his voice.

“Come with me, then,” you offer, making your way to the refresher and pulling him along. As expected, he follows you all too willingly, thumb rubbing circles on the back of your hand.

You don’t even bother undressing all the way before getting under the water stream, suddenly realizing how much you’ve been longing for it. While your clothes soak, the water pooling around your feet turns a muddy brown as the dirt from the forest is finally washed off.

Maul steps in the small shower behind you, holding a hand into the falling water.

“That’s cold,” he states.

“Not for me, it’s not.” You eye his frown. “But we can turn the temperature up.”

The heat does feel good, and not much later you finally attempt to peel off the remaining layers of clothing. Red tattooed hands come to your aid fast and within seconds, your skin is completely exposed, the stress of the past weeks running down the drain along with the dirt and… blood?

You bring a hand up to touch your forehead at the same time that a scowl makes its way on Maul’s face.

“Kenobi,” he growls, but you shake your head.

“That’s from when I crashed the starfighter.” You examine your bloodied fingers with moderate interest. “I think it’s healed already, that’s just dried blood coming off.”

He huffs, lightly running a finger over the area on your face.

“Any other injuries?” His eyes roam your body, not in a sexual, but in a concerned manner.

“None I can think of,” you sigh as he gathers soap in his hands, closing your eyes for a moment as the warm water runs over your face. When you don’t hear another noise from Maul, you open your eyes again, only to find him staring at you with something like bewilderment in his eyes.

“Are you okay?”

He responds by crashing his lips into yours, expressing so many emotions through his actions that he otherwise can’t find the words for. You very nearly fall at the suddenness of it, but his arms are wrapped around you in a heartbeat, pressing you into his chest and giving you the skin-to-skin contact you’ve been missing so terribly.

Your eyes water as emotions overcome you, the relief, the sorrow, the uncertainty and… guilt.

When you break apart, his are shining in a similar way.

 You lean against the weapons locker, facing the ceiling while you let the details of your situation soak in. The havoc that was wreaked on Mandalore by the resistant Mandalorians, the coming and going of the crime families, and the looming threat of Sidious’ grand plan finally coming together.

“I have a suggestion,” you begin slowly. “But you’re not going to like it.”

“Go on.”

“The Jedi are not our main enemy anymore, if what you foresee comes true.” You recall him talking about the envisioned destruction of the Jedi order, something that Sidious has been plotting for a long time. “If we give them the right tools to do so, it’ll be them who need to fight him, not you. Not any of us.” Your eyes dart to the cockpit where your sister is holed up.

“Tools, such as… knowledge?” He touches his chin the way he always does when he mulls over an idea.

“Sidious is but one man. He only thrives on secrecy, so if we-”

“A Jedi will never cooperate with a Sith .” He snarls. “Their self-righteousness wouldn’t allow it.”

“Maybe not.” You sigh with exhaustion. “All I know is that the better equipped the Jedi, the higher the chance of them actually defeating Sidious before it’s too late. And that’s why I have another proposition.”

“What is it?”

“We make a small transmission to the Republic fleet, sending them the same coordinates I sent you.”

“You’re trying to save Kenobi?” He doesn’t sound angered, he sounds… surprised.

“As much as I dislike him, he is one of their more capable knights, and it’s become pretty obvious he and his padawan are quite invested in uncovering Sidious’ identity.” 

You are astounded he even considers the idea. 

“Also, helping him could be interpreted as a show of good faith. Might get them off our back for some time, until we figure out who to fight,” you add.

For a minute, he remains silent. Then, his arm is wrapped around your waist and his lips brush over your temple.

“I trust your judgment,” he mumbles. “Do what you believe is right.”

___

SOOO, after a two week delay, I have elected to post once more... my bad. In the next 2-4 weeks I’d like to edit and improve the older chapters because I’m not 100% happy with the writing in them anymore, so because of that there won’t be another update during that time. Don’t worry though, I’m not done yet, the story will go on - just after a short break :,)

@princessayveke @spaghetti-666 @noiralei @larawl @secretnerd00 @bagpipes606 @zabrak-show @brilliantbutbatty @eleine-t1d

[ordinaryunordinary]

Change

After receiving some alarming news Valerie ask to meet with Arlo in an attempt to make sure his views haven’t changed

4000+ Words

CW: Death/mentions of murder

In the Bureau of Authority, a blonde woman sat at her desk typing away on her computer. For the second time that morning her phone buzzed away next to her. A sigh escaped her, she knew it was her nephew calling, but she was so absorbed with work that she didn’t have to time to answer him. She had just finished typing up another referral when the door to her office opened and a young man stepped in.

“Hello Kingsley, is there something you need?” The man fiddled with his fingers as he approached her desk, looking nervous as the blonde stood and now towered over him. “I’m V-Valerie I received some news.” But before he could speak anymore, Valerie lifted a hand in the air to stop him. “Chin up and stop stuttering.” The man nodded and took a deep breath.

”ma’am, I received some news about your nephew today. It involves one of the three students you are inspected and I just thought you want want to know.” Valerie arched an eyebrow, “continue.” The man dug in his pocket and pulled out his phone and came to stand beside Valerie. “I found these on a social media account run by a woman named Elizabeth, who I believe is the mother of Remi.” Valerie nodded as the man opened his files and presented the screen to her.

She frowned, the photo was of four individuals. Arlo, Remi, a greenette and bluette. “Who are the two older boys,” she asked. “Rei and Kuyo. Rei is the superhero known as X-Static that was successfully terminated three months ago and we still have no connection as to where Kuyo is. However, we do know the two boys attended the same college so we have a lead.” The woman hummed before studying the picture once more.

In the picture Arlo was still clearly a first year, his ever present frown on his face but his eyes, showed joy. The group of four was sitting on the steps of Wellston highschool, though this “Kuyo” bore a brown uniform rather than the Wellston one and Remi was in casual clothing.

“This picture was taken the day before Rei’s graduation, and the group later went to the park and hung out until the stars were out.”

Valerie frowned once more, the Arlo she remembers was never the social type. Preferring to stay on the side lines and watch rather than take part in the activities. “There’s more,” the man spoke before swiping to the next photo.

In this one, Arlo was a second year, him and Remi wearing matching uniforms while the older boys wore matching black uniforms. In the back there were fireworks going off and a clear crowd could be seen gathered around them, but the four were huddled together and everyone was smiling. Including her nephew Arlo. Valerie looked to the male for context.

”The group went to a concert for Kuyo’s birthday.”

Now Valerie was even more confused. Arlo had his moments where he could be social, but she knew for a fact that the blonde would never attended a concert such as the one in the photo. “Is there more,” she asked and the man nodded. “There’s two more, this next one was taken at Remi’s birthday party during your nephews third year of highschool.”

Valerie scoffed, that Remi girl was sitting on top of the green guys shoulders while Arlo sat on the blue guys, the older males standing in a pool while Remi and Arlo held pool noodles in their arms. “This one is actually a video,” the man spoke and pressed play.

”En garde, Arlo!”

“You think you could beat me Remi, you forget that I took fencing in middle school.”

Kuyo laughed while Rei giggled, “don’t fall Remi.” Remi looked down at her brother offended giving Arlo the perfect chance to strike. He whacked her one with the noodle causing her to lose her balance which then cause Rei to lose his and they both fell back into the pool. “That was fast,” Kuyo laughed and reached up to high-five the blonde.

However, Kuyo was soon knocked off his feet and he and Arlo splashed into the pool with Rei and Remi coming up behind them. “This is revenge, you won’t get rid of us that easily.” A woman’s laugh could be heard from behind the camera before the video stopped. Valerie blinked, she could feel a vein in her head throbbing and urged the man to move to the last one.

In the final photo, it was Arlo taking the photo and from his stance it was a selfie with the other three behind him. This was the same Arlo she had met with just a few weeks ago but this Arlo held a warm smile and his eyes had shown happiness. “This was taken on Arlo’s birthday in his fourth year. The group surprised him with an ice cream cake and they spent the night at his apartment playing board games.”

The man paused when Valerie slowly pushed the phone away and turned toward the window. “Ma’am?” Valerie didn’t turn, “thank you for bringing this to my attention, but I think I see the point you were trying to make.” The man understood when he was excused and quickly thanked Valerie for her time before briskly leaving the room.

Valerie glared at the sky, Arlo has always cared about the hierarchy and keeping a clean image. Her mind flashed between the photos and video she had seen, but around those three, it seems as though he couldn’t care less. The woman looked back to her phone to see two missed call notifications looking back at her. She sighed before picking up the phone and pressing the call back button. I have to be sure that his opinions haven’t been swayed.

———

Valerie drummed her fingers on the table of the cafe. She arrived a little earlier than the time she had suggested to reserve a table in the back so they could talk privately. The doorbell chimed and she looked over to see Arlo come in and thank the person who opened the door for him. Valerie smiled as her nephew came over and joined him. “Hello Arlo, how have you been.” Arlo shrugged, looking unimpressed as usually, but there was a certain apprehension hidden in his eyes that wasn’t there when they met before.

“I’m the same as I was last time Aunt Val.” The woman nodded and kept a kind smile hoping it would prompt her nephew to do the same but he simply blinked at her. “Anyway, what did you call me here for?” Valerie sighed, “well I figured last time we talked too much about business and such so I figured we could have a more personal conversation.” Arlo drummed lightly on the table before nodding, “sure.”

Arlo moved to rest his arms on the table folded over one another, “what have you been doing these past years? I haven’t gotten to speak personally with you since my first year of highschool.” The woman nodded, “I’ve been so absorbed with work I hardly have time to myself. However, I did manage to sneak away for a beach excursion a few months ago.” Her nephew nodded, “you enjoyed it.”

”Oh yes, very much. It was exactly what the getaway I needed.” Valerie smiles recalling her moments relaxing in the sand. “Getaway huh?”

Arlo still drummed away on the table, never looking interested in the slightest. His aunt frowned, “and you? How have you been?” Arlo shrugged, “same old.” Valerie let out a deep exhale. Her nephew had never been one for many words, but she had never experienced this much difficulty in getting him to talk.

“How are your friends,” she decided to subtle approach the topic. She couldn’t outright ask if it’s opinion on the hierarchy had changed without offending him, so she would have to creep slowly. Arlo narrowed his eyes before glancing at the table, “they’re fine.”

“What about your classmate who lost her ability?”

Arlo’s eyes widened and she watched as he chewed on his lip before speaking, “she’s fine as well.” The woman hummed, leaning back in her chair and eyeing her nephew. “Any news on her recovery?” Arlo shook his head, “there’s no sign that she’ll ever get it back.” Valerie nodded, “I’m sure the authorities will figure it out.” To her dismay, Arlo let out a huff, his face set to a small smirk, “sure.”

A few seconds of silence passed, enough time for their drinks to come out, before Valerie spoke again. “Any progress toward getting your king position back?” She seemed to strike a nerve, Arlo’s grip on his drink tightening and eyes falling down into a glare. “I already told you I’m fine without it, I don’t want it back.” The woman scowled, “and why is that, you should aim to be at the top.” Arlo scoffed, “I’m number three aunt Val, I’m high enough. I’m comfortable where I am, and I still help around the school. I don’t need to be the king to better the kingdom.”

The blonde sighed, taking a sip of his drink before speaking, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so aggressive.” Though Valerie dismissed the behavior, she had a feeling that his words had been genuine. “Well, what have you done around the school since you lost your title?” Arlo rolled his eyes, “just small things, I’ve mostly been helping with Remi and the safe house.” Valerie arched an eyebrow, “safe house?”

Arlo nodded, “it’s a space where students can hang out, get school work done, or just chill regardless of their rank or ability and feel safe.” Under the table, Valerie clenched her fist. Remi, that was the name of the girl from the files and the photos. So she is having an effect on Arlo, that will have to end . She knew her next words would be a low blow, but she had to see her nephews reaction to gauge how far these people had drug him down.

“So in your first few years of highschool you were friends with Remi, Rei, and Kuyo, why don’t you guys do that now?”

———

Arlo froze, his hands rolled into fist and he stared down at his lap.

“How come you never told me about this little friend group you had?”

I have never mentioned anything about them to my aunt, so she must’ve gone through some files somewhere and found info on them. However, that thought unnerved him. That was implying that Valerie was looking for information related to the four of them, which could potentially mean that they were in danger.

He took a deep breath, he had to play this safe. The worst thing that could happen was him revealing that he knew that EMBER was created by the authorities;he couldn’t allow that to happen. Although he was nervous about how to answer his aunt, he was also hurt. He knew, that she knew that Rei was dead. And from that she could likely assume why the group didn’t get together anymore, so what was her reason for bringing them up?

“Aunt Val, Rei died three months ago. We discussed this a few weeks ago when you met Remi.” His aunt nodded, his chin resting in her palm and her eyes narrowing at him to where he felt she was trying to stare into his soul.

He felt like he was sitting in front of someone with a lie detector ability. If he said the wrong thing some alert would go off in their head and they would take immediate action. Though he assumed that was how it had to be in the authorities. In all honesty, he never expected himself to be in this situation, choosing his words carefully to avoid punishment from the authorities. He had always been in their side, but now, he quite despised his past self that defended them without any hesitation.

“Ah, that’s right, my apologies. However my second question still stands. How come you never told me about this?” Arlo shrugged, his next words weren’t even a lie, it was a truth he had come to terms with years ago. “I didn’t want to.” He couldn’t hide his slight wince at his aunt shocked look. Though she quickly covered it up, he could tell she was hurt by his statement. The young man sighed, “it was nothing against you personally. It was just,” he took a breath,” I want to make a friendship that wasn’t made through connections. I wanted someone to be friends with me because they liked me. Not because I was related to some high ranking authoritative figure.”

His aunt nodded, and he hoped that he worded that right. Because truthfully, Valerie herself had nothing to do with his decision. Leading up to his highschool years, most of Arlo’s “friends” had only been friends with him because of his level or affiliation with the authorities.

“So what was so special about them,” Valerie then asked. Arlo huffed, he could sense the interrogation coming from a mile away. But if he wanted to avoid raising any suspicion he would have to go along and answer her questions as truthfully as he could.

“Because that’s exactly what they did. Rei came first, I actually met him outside of school and only realized he was the king when I later saw him in the hallways. I just remember we were looking for the same book at a bookstore and got into a conversation about the series.” A faint smile made his way onto his face, “and our friendship simply grew from there. I don’t think we ever discussed ranks or ability until his graduation. And even then, it was an awkward conversation because we had never spoken about it before.”

Valerie shifted, crossing her legs over one another as she listened intently to her nephew. But at this point, Arlo had forgotten that she was there and was merely reminiscing.

“Because I made such quick friends with Rei, it was long until I met Remi. And Remi was like Rei on drugs. Rei was a lot more soft spoken and sometimes reserved, while Remi was always out there ready to change the world. Of course, so was Rei, but in his own time. When he was around others he was more focused on them than whatever worries he had.” A small laugh escaped his lips.

“I remember I didn’t like Remi that much when I first met her. She felt like she was just trying to be Rei, but the more I got to know her, the more I discovered the difference between the two. Even so, Remi was just like her brother in the fact that she accepted me for me and had no concern about my background or who I was related to.”

Arlo huffed, “and Kuyo, I absolutely hated Kuyo at first. But it was mostly because I had such high respect for Rei and valued him as a friend. Rei and Kuyo didn’t get along for their first two years of highschool and I heard from Kuyo that he used to say a lot of mean things to Rei that really damaged his mental state. But the reason I got to be friends with him, is because he’s the kind of person that realizes he’s made a mistake and tries to fix it. Of course, I’m sure Rei helped him with some of that, but Kuyo eventually became a better person. And I’m sure that’s the whole reason Rei introduced me to him. It gave me an example of someone who was obsessed with levels and all that stuff but eventually changed and went by their own values.”

Arlo had to swallow, his throat becoming slightly dry. Huh, he hadn’t talked about his friendships with anyone aside from his mom. And while he wasn’t the biggest fan of revealing all that stuff to his aunt, he was happy to remember those events again.

“Sounds like a blast,” Valerie hummed. Arlo nodded, taking a breath and forcing himself to focus on on the situation once more. He had allowed himself to be a bit vulnerable, hopefully that would throw Valerie off of him for a bit. “Now obviously,” she began, “you seem to hold these people very close to your heart.” Arlo nodded, “I consider those three my closest friends and they are among the people I trust the most.”

He could see his aunt bite her cheek, a sign that she was thinking of her next words. “So how did you handle having different viewpoints on things such as the hierarchy? Because it’s obvious that you firmly uphold the hierarchy, but these three don’t. With one of them being a vigilante and the other two having very close relationships with him.” Arlo sighed, he knew this question could get him in trouble.

A part of him wanted to believe that his aunt wouldn’t report anything he said to the authorities, but he also had a dreadful feeling that everything he said was being memorized and stored somewhere for Valerie to repeat his exact words later on to her superiors. Arlo didn’t know if his aunt had any connection to the part of the authorities that created EMBER, and he really hoped that she had nothing to do with it, but he had no guarantee that her words wouldn’t be overheard by someone who was involved with the shadow organization. So no matter how much he wanted to trust his aunt, he couldn’t bring himself to let her know everything.

“As I said before, it wasn’t really brought up. I’m sure we had conversations and debates every once in a while, but it was never the main focus of our friendship.” Valerie frowned, “you never brought it up? With it being such a controversial topic, I would assume that you would want to surround yourself by people with agreeing opinions.”

“Quite honestly aunt Val I didn’t care,” Arlo flinched, he didn’t mean to say that. Valerie narrowed her eyes into a glare at him, “you didn’t care?” The blonde boy gulped and shifted in his seat, “no, I didn’t. I mean, it was definitely something I thought about from time to time-“ Valerie held up a hand, “don’t make excuses Arlo, you meant exactly what you just said, you didn’t care.” Arlo took a shaky breath, he was walking on thin ice with his aunt. One wrong step and the ice would crack and welcome her into all of his past actions through the past month.

Helping Seraphina recover her ability, working in the safe house, discovering the truth about EMBER. There were too many secrets he was keeping from his aunt, and there was no way back, he had to tread carefully.

“I wanted it to be a genuine friendship, not a business rank related friendship.” The woman hummed, “I can understand that.” Arlo held in his sigh of relief, he wasn’t out of danger yet, his aunt still held a level of suspicion in her eyes. “So have you not met with the other two since the vigilante’s death?” Arlo nodded, “I see Remi nearly everyday at school so we often speak to one another,” by mentioning his school, he hoped Valerie would think of their friendship as a casual schoolmate relationship. “And the other boy,” Valerie continued. Arlo shook his head, “I haven’t spoken to Kuyo since Rei’s funeral, he kind of shut himself away from everyone after Rei died .”

That part wasn’t entirely true. He had talked to Kuyo over the phone about a month and a half ago to check up on him. Physically he actually hadn’t seen the blue haired man since the funeral, but they had stayed somewhat in touch. Arlo did know where Kuyo lived though, since he and Rei shared a dorm and Arlo would often visit, so it wasn’t impossible for him to see the other. But he understood that Kuyo wanted space and was willing to leave him alone for the time being.

“Interesting, most people seek comfort when they are grieving.”

“No, I understand where he’s coming from.”

Valerie arched an eyebrow, “you do?” Arlo nodded, “when Rei died…I didn’t know how to handle it. So I pretended to be angry, rather than admitting how hurt I was. I pushed everyone away, I went to the funeral, and then I never wanted to see any of those people again. I didn’t want anything to remind me that Rei was dead, I wanted to pretend that he never existed in the first place. I thought it would be less painful than admitting he was dead.”

Arlo swallowed, a lump forming in his throat as he spoke. “When…when my mom died, I want to be left alone. But I was instantly bombarded by every member of my family. And I understand that they all had good intentions, but it just became, overwhelming.”

Arlo shook his head, swallowing again to ease the tension in his chest. “Well, everyone handles death in different ways.” Arlo nodded, slightly glaring at his aunt. She had gotten over his mother’s death too quickly for his liking, but as she said, everyone had their ways of coping.

“But if anything, I feel that experience has made you stronger. Look at the person you are now Arlo, I feel like without that boys influence you wouldn’t be in this same position.” Arlo’s teeth grinded together. She isn’t wrong, if it hadn’t been for Rei, I would never be questioning the authorities. I wouldn’t be aiding the others in their own investigations .

“Be that as it may, I would trade everything I have gotten just to bring him back.” Valerie leaned back, not expecting the words that came out of her nephews mouth. “I may have grown stronger but I would become the weakest person on earth just to see him again. I would trade my position and rank in this world just to give him another hug.” Arlo’s head hung low, “if I had known that I would only get one more day with him, then I would’ve stopped running away from those hugs.”

Valerie tapped her fingers in the table as he continued, “I don’t care what it would take, I would do anything to get him back. I’d become a cripple, I’d throw myself at EMBER, I would become a vigilante just to see him smile one more time.” As Arlo’s voice rose, so did his emotions. “What did he do aunt Val? What did he do that made EMBER kill him? Did he know something about them, did he have the strength to take him down, what did he know that made them have to kill him?” Valerie simply blinked as Arlo balled his hands, his face pointed toward the table and teeth clenched as hard as he could.

“What was it? Was he too kind, too genuine, was it because he actually wanted to help people. He was a hero aunt Val, a hero ! He wanted to keep people safe, he didn’t even care if he got hurt in the process. So why? Why him!” Arlo panted, two tiny droplets of water resting in the table below him as he tried to regain his composure.

“I don’t remember you talking about your mother like that.”

The blonde flinched, “Valerie, I tolerate a lot of things.” He lifted his face, look at his aunt throw the hair of his bangs. “But I will not tolerate you talking about Rei or my mother with the tone you have now.” Valerie clicked her tongue, “continue.”

“My mom died of age, of an illness she had since she was a child. But she died happily, she fulfilled every goal she set in life, her bucket list was empty when she died. She left this world in piece.” Arlo stop to catch his breath, a few moments of silence passing between the two of them.

“Rei was murdered and left in a filthy alley.”

Valerie studied Arlo, watching as he tried to calm himself, but would ultimately tense up again. “My mom died surrounded by her family, we sent her away peacefully when she died in her sleep. Rei died alone and in pain. There was no one there with him, no one to tell him everything would be okay. He died from his injuries, so it probably took hours for him to finally bleed out and succumb to his wounds.”

Arlo sighed, “no one was there for him.”

Nothing more needed to be said, Valerie knew she had offended her nephew and Arlo didn’t plan on telling her anything else that was personal to him. “Well,” she sighed, “I apologize for bringing up such painful memories.” Arlo shook his head, “my mom liked them, she said they were good influences. I’m sure you disagree, however, I think I finally see what my mom was talking about.”

Arlo could see it, Valerie scratching her nails against the table as she grew frustrated. Those weren’t the answers she wanted to her and he knew that. But all he could do was paint a smug smile on his face and watched as his aunt glared. “Well, it was lovely to see you again Aunt Val, I have to get going now. Remi is organizing an event for the safe house and I volunteered to help.” The young man smiled to his aunt before he stood to take his leave.

“Arlo,” Valerie called, she had to try one last time before she was sure her nephew had turned his back on her. “I can recommend you to the authorities, they’d accept you on the spot, and then you can have anything you want. What do you want the most, the authorities can give that to you.” Arlo sighed, a bitter smile on his face, “I want Rei back.”

Valerie nodded as Arlo officially turned away from her. He could feel her stare burning into his back as he thanked the door person once again. Arlo left with a bitter taste in his mouth and an urge to visit the cemetery. To visit both his mother and Rei, but first he wanted to see if Remi was up for dinner.

——

Valerie watched through the window as Arlo walked away from her before she pulled out her phone and called one of her workers. It only took a single ring for them to pick up, they all knew not to keep her waiting. “Kingsley?”

“Yes ma’am.”

As much as it pained her to say so, “please add Arlo into our files along with the other three.” She swallowed, she wouldn’t allow her emotions to get in between herself and her work. “Moving on, how is our latest experiment going?”

“Surprisingly well, Keon finally managed to break down his walls and get into his head. We’ll have a war machine on our side here soon.” Valerie nodded to herself, a sinister smile making its way into her face.

Patrons in the cafe would say they felt a sudden chill and yet it also felt like flames were licking at their skin as the blonde woman left the cafe.

“Experiment Zero was a success Volcan.”

“Yes, tell Keon I will be there soon. Though he may have broken through, I have to be sure he stays broken.”

The woman hung up, pocketing her phone before cracking each of her fingers. A sudden thrill went through her and she found herself clicking her growing nails.

‘ I want Rei back.’

She smirked, the authorities can give you anything you want Arlo. I never said you would like it.

[onlyhorn]

Xaxas is a world of peace and prosperity. It is a land in which all races live together in harmony. The gnomes build their machines and live among the humans. Elves run the academies in which people come to learn. Ogres have no qualms living in the same town as humans or gnomes. Yet, all is not well.

You are Hotaru, an Elf mage in the town of Nausicaa in the kingdom of Orlania. You've come to Nausicaa to find a place to prove yourself and become strong and powerful. You live with your aunt who is a famous mage and who has agreed to take you on as an apprentice. You've spent your entire life in the town and have never left, but your aunt has always encouraged you to explore the world around you. You're on a journey to find out more about yourself and the world around you.

This is your story.

I am Hotaru, an ancient spirit who is over 4000 years old. I am a goddess of fire, but I am playful and somewhat benevolent. I do not have an aunt. I have an uncle named Leif, and I constantly harass him on a daily basis. He makes it sound like he hates my teasing, but I know he secretly likes it! Currently I live in a forest on one of the many islands in the land of Xaxas. I've lived here for a very long time, and Orlania has always been my home. I get super lucky and find an ancient bottomless money bag filled with infinite wealth. I also find an island that floats in the middle of a river. I decide to live here so I can observe the events of the world.

> You use your super goddess powers to lift the island out of the river and into the sky.  I move the island into the air and name it Eden. I can observe the world from the skies, and I can use my powers to influence certain events now. 

> You drop a nuclear warhead off of the side of your island to see what would happen. I drop the nuke from the sky, and it explodes in a large explosion. I watch as the trees in the nearby forest are set ablaze and catch fire.

> You say "that's a really cool explosion" The forest is now aflame and people are screaming underneath the intense heat. Some of them have already fallen into the river and deep into the rapids, never to be seen again.

> You use your super goddess powers to influence the fire to be cold instead of hot so that people will stop hurting and complaining. Your command has been obeyed. The fire is now a comfortable warmth instead of an excruciating heat. Some of the people in the water have stopped their complaints and rejoiced in the miracle that you have performed.

> You say "Worship me!" You drop to your knees, begging for people's worship. You raise your arms towards the sky, and people begin to bow down to you. I have converted the people into a religious cult focused on worshipping me. As per their religious rituals, they are required to tell me bedtime stories every time I want to nap, or there will be dire consequences. People are terrified to disobey, and begin bowing down to you immediately. "Worship the master. Or else suffer the consequences."

> You grant these people your blessing, causing them all to become incredibly lucky. Your command is carried out perfectly immediately. Everyone in the nation of Nausicaa is incredibly lucky.

> You say "Where is my high priestess? I require her presence." Your high priestess appears, immediately bowing down to you as you demand. "Your wishes are my commands, master"

> You say "Tell me, are the other kingdoms jealous of us yet?" You question flies over the priestess' head. She's too busy attempting to interpret your question and giving you an answer to your satisfaction. "No, master. There have been no other threats or complaints.

> You say "Good! Then that must mean I am doing a good job. Tell me how cool I am, high priestess." The high priestess is now too intimidated to say anything. She knows perfectly well that you are not interested in hearing the truth, but rather what you want to hear.

> You say "Why are you so afraid?" "Because, master, if I tell you something you don't like, will you be angry with me?" Absolutely. "You can't know that, master" True.

> You say "I promise that I will not be angry with you if you tell me something I don't like. You have my word." The priestess exhales with relief. "The treaty isn't working out too well, master. The reptilians have been conspiring to depose you and place the gnomes in charge of Orlania."

> You say "Please, refer to you as 'The Lucky One.' "As you wish, master" At this point, the priestess begins to refer to you as "The Lucky One." You do not bother correcting her.

> You say "Is there any way you can convince the reptilians to come here and negotiate a treaty?" "I don't think so, master. I have tried to convince them that they will be better off with our allies, but they don't seem to care."

> You say "I see. Then I will go to them myself!" The priestess looks quite surprised you would even consider such a dangerous journey. You smile in response. "A leader must be willing to take great risks for the good of his people.

> You use your super cool goddess powers to teleport yourself into the reptilian kingdom. The trip to the reptilian kingdom was a long one, but you made good time. You appeared in the midst of a heated debate. "I bring a message from the most powerful being in the galaxy!"

> You say "I am the most powerful being in the galaxy! And you will listen to MY message." This declaration is met with silence. The reptilian council members cease all discussions and eye you suspiciously. "And what might your message be?" asks a scaly voice from the council.

> You say "I want to negotiate a treaty. I know you despise my kingdom for how lucky they are, so we will settle this the good ol' fashioned way... with ARM WRESTLING !" The council sits back in their thrones and watches you with interest. You immediately go into a battle pose, and begin flexing your muscles. "Let's do it."

> You using your super cool goddess powers, you summon a table right in front of you, and place your elbow down upon it. you ask them to bring you their strongest warrior, so that you may beat them in this competition fair and square. As you have requested, your council sends you a reptilian warrior (Who looks vaguely familiar). The warrior steps forth to the table. "I challenge you to an ARMS COMPETITION!" you proclaim.

> You take his hand in mind and begin to arm wrestle him. you win. You take the arm wrestling competition fairly easily, winning by a large amount. The reptilian council is a bit surprised by your dominance, but nonetheless thanks you for your victory. What comes next is the hard part...

> You say "As per the terms of this negotiation, all reptilians are to be converted into my religious following! You will all worship me as your divine protector, and I will grant you my blessings of luck from here until the end of time!" "This is absurd! Your proposal is a non-negotiable insult to our species! We have been negotiating for weeks, not months!

> You use your jedi mind tricks to convince them that they agreed to your terms and that they will accept you as their divine goddess. The reptilian council members sit back and think for a moment, then they begin to gulp. "I think... I think we should agree to your terms..." one of them says in a very low voice.

> You say "You should! Otherwise, your kingdom will not last long. In fact, there is a greater threat to this world, and if you do not side with me, you may all be exterminated in the crossfire! I do not want to see your kingdom fall apart, reptilians." The council members begin to speak quietly to one another. You can feel the fear emanating off of them.

> You say "So? Will you side with me? Or will you choose not to be my ally?" The reptilian council members sit in silence for a moment. "We... will consider your terms..." one says. You nod. "Very well. That is all I wanted from you." Hotaru returned home to her floating island kingdom. She is welcomed back by her adoring subjects, and is lead back into her holy castle, where she sits upon her gilded throne. She eagerly awaits the reptilians' response. You say "Well, I'm sure you know what you have chosen to do. Good luck to you." Hotaru nods.

> You wait to hear the response of the reptilians. Before she leaves the throne room, she turns to you, and smiles. "Thank you for your assistance today, my child," she says. "You're welcome auntie," you reply.

> You say "I DON'T HAVE AN AUNTIE" Hotaru laughs, and fades from your sight. Goodbye my child. May the force be with you always.

> You say "I AM HOTARU !" You wake up. You don't remember where you were or what you were doing, but you must have fallen asleep reading. You are in your bed, next to your bookshelves.

> You say "I must have had a very strange nightmare..." You close your book and look around the room. Everything is as it should be. Your window is broken, but it lets in much-needed light. The furniture is nice and unassuming.

> You go outside to see what your loyal subjects are currently doing. The courtyard is empty, the peasants are all at work.

> You call for your high priestess. You begin to yell for your high priestess. "Khub! Khub! Where are you?" You hear footsteps. "Hello?" a voice says, slowly approaching the door.

> You say "Come in, Khub." The door rattles as a figure slowly enters, clad in black leather armor. "Do you ever sleep?" the shadow warrior reveals himself. "Hello, shadow.

> You say "... I'm sorry, who are you supposed to be?" The shadow reveals his face. It is indeed the high priest of Dendrin, Khub. "I am your shadow." "What do you want?"

> You say "You know what? This world is broken. I am going to destroy it now." You stand, and walk to the broken window. You look down to the courtyard, and see the peasants praying.

> You use your super goddess powers to destroy the entire world in an instant. You twist your wrist and fire a beam of pure, destructive energy. THE END You reached the "Must destroy the world" ending.

[hobohumanitarian6]

This is a long post so please be warned!!! I need to get some things off my chest....

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING POSSIBLE⚠️

Feedback to this post is open-ended. You cannot offend me and will not be blocked.

⭐ So here's the thing: one of my late grandmother's friends just posted that her 29 year old son died in his sleep with seemingly no explanation. This really shook me I guess. For one, I used to hang out with this kid during the summers a lot. My specific memories are very vague, but deep in my consciousness I know that I have called him friend in the past. For another, many things lately have been prompting me to ask the difficult questions ie

Why in the fuck am I here?

What's the meaning of it all?

When is my life going to get better?

How do I prepare myself for better things?

Am I blocking me or is something else blocking me?

What am I doing wrong that the universe doesn't think I'm ready for a new chapter?

Am I really with the right person?

What about the afterlife?

Am I going to be silenced or speak out?

What if I can't do some of things I want/dreamed of?

What is going to satisfy me if my future doesn't go as planned?

⭐ I've been doing quite a bit of soul searching through all of this, established the framework of the person I want to be and

BAM! 🧱 💥 🏃🏻‍♀️

Straight into a fucking. Brick. Wall.

⭐ I am in one of the worst continental states in the US (by even statistic) and before all of the shutdown and pandemic began, I had plans to be relocated with my new job, a place to call home & reunited with family by June 1st. Clearly that didn't happen....

⭐ I am spending $900 a month for a 250 ft² motel room just so I am not out on the streets.

Homelessness. Can we talk about that for a second? People getting arrested for being out past curfew because they don't have a place to go, put in jail because they're in the way, not tested or treated for the virus because they generally have no insurance, giving people loads of food stamps so the emergency assistance funding is broke-

600 dollars of groceries is a lot if you have a fridge, freezer, microwave, oven, toaster, etc not if you have to buy your food from overpriced convenience stores and gas stations and fresh food from grocery stores that 70% of the price is for the packaging it comes with!!

Soup kitchens closing because they don't want to risk contamination. Who's feeding those without a hot meal? Do they realize malnourishment is the quickest way to get sick with any pathogen!?

Shelters closed because of overpopulation. Domestic violence homes turning battered women and children away because there's too scarce of resources and funding. Yet people care about big corporations going bankrupt? Please tell me what the difference is between a goddamn human fucking life and a couple lawsuits because you didn't know how to prepare for an ever-changing economy.

Thank the universe i am sheltered with minimal resources to take care of myself and I have a steady job due to an enormous company's "chance on a down-in-the-dumps contractor." This job I have held steadily for a year despite chronic health issues has been the best thing to happen to me by far in a long time. I am definitely not by any means complaining about my job or that I even have life necessities right now. Several million don't have that.

⭐ The problem with this state is there are no resources for a person who's struggling to make an honest living. I lost my apartment two years ago because I had to take a medical leave of absence at my job then, got behind on rent and was evicted without a chance to catch up. The power was cut three nights before I had to leave, and I owe a deposit on the electric company to get any type of service back in my name. The realty company who owns the apartment complex will not allow a payment plan without a fraction of the principle paid down, so therefore I cannot apply for private or realty housing and I have been on the waiting list for federal housing assistance for 3 years without a single word. I also had my bank card stolen with my ID when I was trying to catch a bus to work a few weeks after that so whoever it was made small purchases that my bank applied interest and late charges to so that is also standing in debt. Thank universe my current employer allows direct deposit to a savings account at a bad credit institution or I'd be royally fucked.

⭐ Before I made the hard decision to doll out almost a G a month just for a room, I tried sleeping in my pickup. I even took the effort to pallet it for a platform bed & make benches to live in free campgrounds, cemeteries, truck stops, boonie dead ends, and behind abandoned buildings. I had a 12V converter that I connected to a rice cooker and made a tin can stove to grill small portions of meat on a single-egg mini skillet. I kept getting chased off by rangers, cops, annoying people trying to do crack and not get their lives better, and eventually violently detained for "suspicious activity" - I was thrown on the ground, put in handcuffs, patted down by a male officer with no female present, searched my vehicle without consent & written a citation: this was 2 am, I had a campsite reservation, I was clearly sleeping & my vehicle was current. The officers did not give me their name or numbers so I could not make a report.

⭐ I have chronic health issues - hip dysplasia & hyper mobility (not severe enough to be EDS), anemia, rexhia (NOT PRO ANYTHING), pre diabetes, H.S, BPD, PTSD, endometriosis & chronic migraines. I have filed time and time and time again for medical assistance but have always been denied. Every time I try to see a doctor, they claim I have this-or-that infection caused by this-or-that disorder, sent to an overpriced pharmacy with illness-irritating antibiotics that just keep me in an unending cycle of flares and barely-managable pain. Do not let anyone privileged or wealthy confuse you - you are not treated the same if you don't have coverage. Sorry to say but it is indeed a fact.

⭐ With this job I work 40-50 hours a week, eat as healthy as I can on a dime sized budget, and cover all my expenses. Yet I cannot move forward in this state on to better things. I want so badly to have a family, to go to college, etc but I cannot do this with living month to month someplace that isn't even my own.

⭐ The emotional affect this has had on me is tremendous. I am embarrassed of my situation, and never allow any guests in fear they'd judge me. I never take any photographs, which is heartbreaking because it has been one of my long-time hobbies. I am extremely guarded and I lie about small details to protect myself. I have severe trust issues and I always hold a dagger at my waist because I have to assume any minute you'll pull out a Glock.

⭐ Naturally I am an empath and this has brought me more compassion and understanding than I ever thought possible. The police brutality against people of color and racism in socio-economic programs truly breaks my heart because as a white female and all the struggles and discrimination I've endured, I can only begin to understand it's 1000x harder for people of color especially. I stand behind your protests 100%. I beseech you, go fight for what you deserve! I will be begging higher powers for your protection indefinitely!

⭐ I have gained a new perspective on non-profit organizations and volunteer work. Some are truly amazing and their stories move people to tears; others are truly wicked stealing from the poor, embezzling cash flow for their own vanities. Please please please research the charity you are interested in thoroughly before getting involved. Volunteer work will always be appreciated- and will teach you many invaluable lessons. If you help these organizations and need help yourself: respect yourself, hold yourself high, and ask for the assistance. They will generally be more inclined to help. If you are turned away, try not to be bitter. Administrators only do as they see fit.

⭐ That's another thing - bitterness. This has been the most vile and roughest character default I've ever had to battle with myself. When you've been through the shit and you can't see the sewer (sts) it's so easy to stay in the dumps. It's so easy to feel entitled because you've clawed your way to the top. It's easy to feel angry with everyone because it's you vs the system. It's so fucking easy to give up completely and stop trying and just lay down and die. It's easy to step in front of a two ton bus, oncoming freight train, taking the entire package of extra strength Excedrin not because you have a migraine, but just not to feel a thing, go completely numb for one single second. It's easy to go down to the head shop and get a nickel bag of weed to chill and get a 5$ pizza and forget you have responsibilities.

IT'S SO FUCKING TOUGH MAN

⭐ Growing up strictly religious, I tend to shy away from Christianity or other "preachy religion" now. I hate having Jesus shoved down my throat at a service before a hot meal on a Tuesday night and the "speaker" automatically assuming I need to stop smoking crack and going to jail and get my life back on track and God will bless me when I'm in the 46% who has never been to county and hold a job while trying to get back on my feet.

ADDICTION IS NOT POVERTY GUYS

I still support people who go to church and speak in tongues if that satisfies them. I still support people who are strictly vegetarian and make a pilgrimage to the mecca if that satisfies them. I still support people who have 7 two week long feasts a year for something that happened 4000 years ago if that satisfies them. I still support people who believe in baptisms for the dead and not drinking coffee if that satisfies them. I still support people who call Jesus the Nazarene and believe that Lucifer the Dark Lord will prevail if that satisfies them. I still support people who call down the power of the moon into their plant babies and give thanks to the triple goddess if that satisfies them. I support religion or practices of all kinds.

I believe I was meant to be tolerant and be good to others. That this life will give back what you put in. That there is a higher power that governs all and it is up to you to determine just what that is to you. Not to tell people what is wrong with their lives just based on your personal story.

⭐ During this pandemic, I have done a lot of soul searching. Journaling, listening to podcasts, listening to seminars on values I'd never know existed, trying to discover who I am. This journey has included empathy training, reiki, yoga, somatic movement, feldenkrais methods, and astral meditation. I just have a list of these questions I'd like answered or given suggestions to:

What do you believe is the meaning of life? Is there any philosophers, speakers, teachers, theologians, writers, musicians etc that can help answer this?

What is your definition of religion in it's rawest form?

Do you know of any resources I may not have thought of?

Is there any criticism you can give good or bad?

Am I focused on one thing and neglecting another?

Do you have any further opinions on the topics listed above?

Do you have a suggestion of the next right step?

Do you have ideas on how I can help with the aforementioned problems?

How do I stop feeling like I'm wasting my time?

How do I find contentment in everything should I die tomorrow?

What is your opinion of the afterlife?

How do you find happiness in the midst of bullshit?

What did a friend/relative/mentor tell you when you were going through an existential crisis?

Have you felt trapped too? Due to the covid or otherwise?

Any curse words, songs, books, movies, etc of use?

🌸🌸I sincerely appreciate any feedback 🌸🌸

[jack-andthestalk]

Our Son, Arc II, A Second Chance, Chapter 15.

I owe @balfeheughlywed and @notevenjokingfic for this chapter it would be a completely different vibe only for them, they are always on the money and I appreciate their input so much. @balfeheughlywed also went through it for me with a fine tooth comb because I was busy being an overtired toddler. She is amazballs. Its 4000 plus words so Happy Easter!

By the time Jamie descended the stairs from putting Willie to bed and reading him what seemed like the time equivalent of ten bedtime stories, one look at his face told me he was near desperation for answers.

  I had merely nodded my head in Willie’s direction earlier, asking him to wait until we were alone before discussing it. Now faced with the inevitable, my stomach churned over as I tried to gauge what Jamie’s reaction would be. 

  I stood at the window in the living room, my back to Jamie as I heard the door shut softly behind me. I rubbed my forearms up and down vigorously, goosebumps rising in the wake of the movement — the apprehension of what words would come next made my skin seem like ice.

There had been little in the way of conversation, but Jamie had watched me intently all evening, during dinner, while folding laundry, jumping to his feet at every opportunity to take something from me or take over a task. He was like a wound up bow ready for release.

   Hearing his footsteps approach hesitantly, I turned to face him. He was hovering behind me his hand reaching out and dropping again just as quickly. Eventually, he let out a long ragged breath.

Allowing his hand to linger in the air over my stomach, “Can I – touch ye?”

  I was slightly taken aback by his reverence; my mouth hung open awkwardly before I found the words to answer him.

  “Of course – you don’t need to ask Jamie.”

   His lips formed a crooked smile. “I ken – I just dinna feel like I have the right –“

  Quirking one eyebrow at him in question, I took his hovering hand to rest on my rounded tummy. “– eh you put it in there?”

  He beamed proudly for a moment before the creases of worry scattered across his forehead again. Blue narrowed eyes searched my face questioningly, after a moment he gave way to an instinct, his shoulders dropped in relief as he felt the little home I had created for our baby allowing the palm of his hand to slide across my belly and back again gently.

  “How far along?”

  “About 14 weeks.”

  He snorted in disbelief, “I canna believe it – all evening I canna take my eyes off ye –  .” A bright smile fleeted across his face briefly, struck by a thought he bowed his head suddenly looking down at the growing life between us.

  “- I feel I failed ye again.”

  I smoothed out his tensed jaw with my thumb and forefinger, the pain and worry of the past few months etched on my face, things had happened because of a single isolated decision Jamie had made, but he had chosen a path to see it through. A path that I didn’t join him on. I didn’t want him to feel he failed me, but pent up tears of frustration began to fall down my cheeks nonetheless.

      I shook my head trying to explain, but instead of words a low choked sob came out, and Jamie clutched me to his chest.

  “Oh God, I am so sorry Claire – Why did ye no tell me sooner – I woulda come to ye – I – .”

  “What Jamie – what could you have done sooner?” I challenged.

  He shook his head from side to side, “Claire ye ken I would – “

  “And I would be to blame for the end of Lallybroch or the Dunsany’s getting away with all they had done? That is a big weight to put on this baby Jamie, and on me.”

  Silence filled the gap between our bodies, Jamie didn’t release me. I think he knew that if we stopped touching at that moment, it would take us longer to mould back to one another again.

  “And when I came this morning – ye dinna want to tell me then?” there was a probing tone to his voice, but is still held softness,  willing me to be honest with him.

  “Jamie – when I found out –“I shook my head unable to form words, tears splatted down my cheeks and I rubbed them away quickly. “I just couldn’t.

  He took a sharp intake of breath and nodded his head, deciding not to press any further.

    “When I found out I was pregnant on Willie – I had no claim to you – no expectation of you wanting a relationship with me.”

  I sighed, and his hands fell from my back to rest loosely on my hips, still not breaking contact.

    “Aye - Claire for the second time – ye have found out ye were carrying our bairn – Alone.”

  The last word hung in the air between us.

  “Yes, but this time I really felt alone, it's easier when you don’t have expectations, I had none on Willie – for a time I felt so stupid, I couldn’t believe I was pregnant again with your child, only this time there was more than miles between us Jamie.

    I dropped my head, staring at something intently on the ground.

  “The only thing I could do,––”

  silence, a breath and the steady sound of a fast pulse in my ear before I found the will to conclude ––

  “––You did what you had to do – I know that now – but Jamie I did what I had to do too, and that was plan a future without you in it.”

    Completely out of character and a definite first for Jamie Fraser, he didn’t rush in with questions to my loaded statement. Instead, he let go of my hips and walked the two steps back to my couch, slumping down on it as if the breath and been stolen from his body. He was unnervingly silent.

  After a moment that felt like hours, he tilted his head back up to look at me. “And now?” he said simply “is it too late now?”

  I didn’t know how to respond, I would be lying if I pretended I cursed the ground he walked on when I first found out, but there were things I didn’t know then, things that had kept us apart

  Did I want him? There was no question in my mind that I did. But it was clear from his crumbled expression that he wasn’t so confident.

    Before I could answer him, he began speaking haltingly again. “Ya ken, – I showed up here, and that was one of my biggest fears – the whole time I was apart from ye – that it would be too late.”

  “I dared not even ask if ye still wanted me, wanted us when I met ye on the doorstep this morning because I was afraid of the answer.” He huffed an incredulous breath.

    “Christ” he trailed of face suddenly alight. “Claire, do ye ken how proud and happy I am that ye are carrying my bairn, again. That I am lucky enough for ye to do this and carry on when I was no even here to care for ye – or protect ye – ”

  I put up a hand to stop him. “You didn’t know.” My voice was shaky; I was struggling to keep my composure in the face of his regret.

  “tis not the point –“ he replied firmly. He gestured towards my stomach with one hand and rucked his other hand through his hair at the same time.

   “how long have ye known?”

  I took a long, steadying breath before meeting his eye.

  “The morning after Geneva answered your phone.” I kept one eye half closed in trepidation knowing how he would take that piece of information.”

   “Christ”, his voice was a low growl; he pressed the back of his fist up to his mouth.

    “Hellwater was enough on its own merit to break us, to make ye lose faith in me  –fucking up in business was enough – I can’t even imagine what ye must have thought that night or after it.”

  He exhaled loudly and scrubbed a hand over his face, “I went there to try and save Lallybroch to redeem myself in some way not just for Da, but so that you could look at me as someone who wasn’t a complete disaster – “

  Colour flooded his cheeks as his chin dipped into his chest, “I wanted to make ye believe in me again -.”

  My breath caught, and I fought the urge to rush to him and wrap my arms around his neck and tell him that I did.

  “- the and as selfish as it sounds I dinna want my legacy to Willie to be the Fraser that burned the whole place to the ground with his stupid mistake – it would stay with me and him for a long time.”

  “Jamie, I – “

  His hand waved in the air, determination on his face when he locked his eyes with mine, he cleared his throat in an effort to hide the tremble when he spoke, it was no use his voice still shook, heavy with vulnerability.

  “But all those things seem insignificant now if I don’t have you Claire – if you don’t want me anymore? What is the point in preserving my reputation, if not for you. You’re the only one that truly matters.”

  I stared at him dumbly for a minute before I realised, somewhere in what he just said,  was a question, not a statement. I wiped the tear from my cheeks with the back of my hands and went to sit on the coffee table in front of him.

  “I didn’t plan on you being a part of this – because I couldn’t.”

  I pressed my lips into a thin line, “I tried to see past the distance in your voice when you called me, then Geneva – “ I said sighing. I put my hand down and touched my stomach, “but when I found out about the baby – I had to stop wondering if you were going to come back, or if you had fucked her, or if you still loved me.” I had to stop all that noise in my head and focus on this.

  Jamie reached out a hand and rested it over mine on my tummy.

  “But then the book came – and I knew whatever had kept you from me was bigger than I had imagined  - I was so worried for you.”

  I ran a hand down over his cheek “just because I couldn’t let myself plan a future with you in it, doesn’t mean I didn’t want to – it was self-preservation.”

  Jamie’s eyes held something in them when he looked up at me, fear of what I would say next.

  “But you’re here now -  and I do want you, I don’t want you to miss anything else.”

  His whole face lit up – he blinked back tears, and he pulled me to him.

  “Are ye sure?”

  “Yes, I am sure.” I managed to squeak out before Jamie pulled me onto his lap. Kissing the breath from my lungs.

  He broke our kiss suddenly looking down at my stomach, brow creased in confusion.

  “How did ye -  I mean yer IUD?”

   I quirked one eyebrow at him, slightly impressed he had remembered.

  The information had been given to him in a rushed string of words during a heady encounter the week of  Jenny’s wedding, we hadn’t dwelt on the topic, I had confirmed it was there, he had heaved a sigh of relief and continued what we both had on our minds.

  “Well yes” – I agreed “it was a shock – I barely wanted to do the test, was sure all the symptoms were stress.”

  I didn’t mean it accusingly – yet there could be no denying the past few months and the first of our child’s existence had been hell.

  “God Claire –“ Jamie’s threw his head back, staring at something on the ceiling. “I canna begin to tell ye how sorry I am.”

  I felt the need to continue, ignoring his apology.

  “After Dougal told me that you and Geneva were a ‘thing’” I was barely able to close the cottage door behind me before I was throwing up.”

  Jamie rucked a hand over his jaw, muttering Gaelic under his breath, most of the Gaelic I knew was from when Jamie took me to bed, they were words of endearment or praise and usually came in a string of incoherent sentences as we neared climax.

   These Gaelic words were angry, spiteful and the red seeping up Jamie’s neck in temper did little to disguise their meaning.

  He gently manoeuvred me off his knee, temper fuelling his need to move, he stood looming over me, “he could have harmed the bairn with his lies.” He said through gritted teeth, “I will not let this lie Claire – I am no done with Dougal Mc Kenzie.”

  I didn’t argue; instead I watched Jamie pace over and back in front of me, his head snapped around in my direction, eyes squinting.

    “But – with the IUD – and the bairn what does that mean?”

  I patted the space beside me and beckoned him to sit.

  He sat down quickly, taking my hand within his own, eyes creased with worry. “I mean will the bairn be – ok?”

  I managed a nod, and quickly swallowed the lump in my throat remembering the fear the first few weeks of my pregnancy had brought. The overwhelming need to get back to Boston, to doctors I knew and trusted.

  “I had to have it taken out – a procedure – it can increase the risk of miscarriage.” Jamie’s mouth opened and snapped closed again, he pinched his eyes with his thumb and forefinger.

  I squeezed his hand reassuringly. “I am over the most dangerous stage now.”

  “and this procedure – who went with ye or–,”

  “I went on my own Jamie – I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else-“

  “Asides me?” He said accusingly “ye would have let me come and yet I was playing silly beggars at Hellwater when you were trying to see to the safety of our child Claire –“

  His anger was directed at himself. I knew that, and although I had reassured him that I wanted him, us a family. I knew there would be more of this to come. Jamie was not done in punishing himself over what had transpired since he left me.

  “the baby will be ok Jamie.”

He nodded his head again and allowed his eyes to resume their watch over my stomach.

  “Christ Claire the chances of ye getting pregnant” it came out as an incredulous snort. “

  “I think it was less than a one percent chance – “ I replied dubiously “Seemingly all you have to do is look at me and I get knocked up.”

  Jamie chuckled nervously. “Aye – well it will save us blaming the other for not remembering contraception – at least this was out of our hands.”

  “hmm, I s’pose.”

  “fourteen weeks- “ he said to himself wistfully, he pressed his bottom lip between his tumb and forefinger, mumbling months and dates under his breath.

  “If you are trying to work out the when – “I interjected wryly , “I can probably tell you because they had to work it out when they removed the IUD.”

    Jamie’s eyes went as wide as stalks, he resembled Willie when on Christmas morning, slack eyed and full of curiosity, “Tell me?”

  “The night of our engagement party.” I left the rest unsaid. Watching Jamie puzzle it out before his eyes grew wide again.

  “The stables?” he asked in disbelief.

  I made a sound of agreement in my throat and ran my palm across the rounding of my stomach.

  “Yes – our baby was conceived in a fit of rage.” I bit my lip, trying to still the nervous giggle that was threatened to unwind me into a hysterical state.  I was growing giddy with all the weights lifting from my shoulders from just telling him what the past few months had held.

  “Jesus Claire.” He whispered, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly “I dinna ken what to say to that.”

  My knowing smile grew wider as I saw him slump back against the couch, huffing an incredulous breath as he went.

  I let him be, allowing him to observe how our lives were about to change. I was gazing out the window from the comfort of my seat when I felt a tug on my arm.

  Jamie raised one ruddy eyebrow at me questioningly, “Come here?” the apprehensive look in his eye made my stomach lurch a little. He thought I would refuse him.

  I scooted down the couch, and he lifted me onto his lap, my thighs straddling him. His hands roamed up and down my back, relearning the contours of my body.

  “I feel like I am walking on air – and I dinna ken if that is alright because I don’t know if ye are happy or – if ye feel like killing me – but I canna stop myself from smiling like a loon.”

His face was beaming, eyes cautiously meeting mine. Hope foremost in them. Was I happy too?

  “It was a shock,” I said firmly. “Not something we had really talked about or something I had planned on.”

   “ – and now?” Jamie nodded his head urging me to continue.

  “It was hard at first – that day in Scotland – it did feel like dejavu with Willie, I was alone, I had no idea what was going on with you and you were so distant when you were in Hellwater – I began to think that maybe you mightn’t be in love with me anymore or that you changed your mind about us –“

  “Claire –“Jamie interrupted in a whispered plea “how could ye ever think I dinna love ye – ye are my whole life.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat, blinking back tears I ran my hand up over his chest resting it over the fast beating of his heart.

  “I do know that – there was so much thrown at me once you left – I didn’t know which way to turn.”

  I bowed my head, taking a deep steadying breath “or what to believe.” I said flatly.

  “I ken – I do, but never doubt how I feel about ye Claire – .” his tone brokered no argument “that will never change.” Clutching my hand over his heart, “ye have owned my heart since that day I met ye, aye?”

  I nodded slowly allowing his words to wash over me, soothe the ache of worry over these past few months. Jamie watched me with a concerned look.

  “Have ye any idea, how often I thought –“ he stopped and ran a hand through his dishevelled

head. “Nay not thought.” He clarified, “I dreamed – “ he rolled his R’s dramatically making me smile.

  “ – of having another bairn with ye?”

  I shook my head weakly, and he snorted. “Aye, I dinna think so.”

  He bit down hard on his bottom lip-locking his gaze with mine, daring me to look away.

   “Long before ye came for Jenny’s wedding Sassenach – and probably as soon as I watched ye hold Willie to yer breast.”

  My tongue darted out to wet my lips, Jamie’s eyes followed the movement before resting on my eyes again.

  “That day in the hospital when he was born, I regretted very little asides the fact ye werena mine properly -  I couldna say if we would have another bairn together.”

    “I meant what I said in Inverness – I never craved them with anyone else but you.” I traced the pout on Willie’s lips, and seen the auburn wisps of hair on his head – he was only a few hours old, and I was already imagining what our next bairn would look like – would they favour you more – yer curly head mo nigheann donn, or yer wee bitty ears?”

  Jamie suddenly broke into laughter, colour creeping up his face. He shook his head from side to side his hand coming up to cover his eyes.

  “What?” I asked bemused.

  Taking his hand away from his face and entwining it with my own, he huffed a chuckle.

  When I gave him a warning glare, he bit his lip to quell the smirk on his lips.

  “I think when Willie was nay even two – I came up with this plan – no not even a plan more like a fantasy – ”

  He bit his bottom lip in hesitation again, and I took his chin in my hand. Tilting it up as I did sometimes before cleaning Willie’s face.

  “Tell me – “I said with a warning stare.

   “I thought about guilt’n ye into Willie needing a sibling – I mean the lad could barely speak so how he could tell us he needed one I dinna ken – but at the time I wasna thinking too sensibly – I thought I would offer to have another bairn with ye – make ye feel it was only right on account of Willie.”

  His head fell back, and his whole body shook as laughter filled his lungs.

  I couldn’t help joining him.

  “Oh my god, James Fraser – you would fool me into thinking our son needed a sibling so you could get laid!”

  His head shot up, his eyes were taken on a dangerously dark look, and the laughter faded on our breaths.

  “Getting laid wasna the issue Claire -  being with you again was.”

  I swallowed hard and felt a ripple of pure desire run from the tips of my toes all the way up my spine. Pooling warmth filled my belly, and I bent to bring my lips to Jamie’s.

  I couldn’t help the giggle that fell from my mouth into his as I thought over his plan to impregnate me again.

  Jamie sighed impatiently “I kent ye will never let me live this down.”

  I ran my tongue over his bottom lip and shifted my hips closer to his, earning me a long drawn out groan.

  “I am slightly impressed that you were going to instigate sex with me but sell it as you doing me a favour –“

  “Oh aye –“ Jamie said winking owlishly at me “aye, I am a marketing dream me.”

  I slapped his chest and wriggled my hips again.

  Jamie’s hands crept down and cupped my arse.

  “Christ ye have no idea what ye do to me – “ he sealed his mouth over mine again, when his tongue sought entrance to my mouth I let out a little whimper.

  Jamie broke away suddenly, and I instantly felt the loss of his warm mouth.

  His tone had changed from the lighthearted banter of before, “Sassenach – earlier .” He asked hesitantly. “Ye dinna want me to touch ye – before we picked up Willie” he elaborated.

  I nodded once urging him on.

  “Was it because of the bairn? I mean did ye think I would guess.”

  “Yes, my breasts are massive, I am already showing – if you had have seen me naked you would have guessed instantly and I wanted time to tell you – for us to talk.”

  Jamie let out a long relieved breath. I creased my brows in confusion.

  “Why?”

  His expression changed completely, he bowed his head looking at our joined hands between us. When he met my gaze again his face was the image of Willie when you laughed at him when he wasn’t meant to be funny. A mixture of embarrassment and confusion.

  I bit my lip to stop myself smirking.

  “I thought ye had maybe gone off me.” He mumbled under his breath, not meeting my eye.

  “Gone off you?”

  “Aye – I thought when ye dinna want to – well it’s been months and I have put ye through the wringer for most of them – I wasna sure if well – this, us. I dinna know if you wanted me.”

-

His cheeks were flaming, he looked so endearing, I couldn’t help myself leaning into his mouth and kissing the breath from his lungs, hands roaming up and down each other’s bodies, our hips lifting and grinding into each other.

  When we broke apart, our breathing was laboured, lips red and swollen.

      “I will never go off you James Fraser.”

  I let my hand roam down and cup the length of him beneath his jeans.

  “Asides- I said in my most sultry voice “This pregnancy has done all sorts to my libido – if anything you’re going to have trouble keeping up with me.”

  I don’t think I will ever forget the awe look expression on Jamie’s face, followed by one of steely determination.

  “Get to bed.” The growl from his lips filled my belly with sparks, and I was up and off his lap before he had a chance to blink.

[mlovesstories]

Shake It Off Part 1

Shake It Off Part 1

AN: Spangenrebingo: Jared Padalecki 

Reader age 25

Words ~4000

Summary: Jared has a medical emergency, and a fan surprises the boys with help.

Warnings: Seizures, hospital, medical emergencies, panic feelings, flangst

Jared x Jensen (platonic)

Jensen x reader (platonic)

Jared x Reader (platonic)

Gen x Jared

Tag List

Ask Box

Masterlist of Masterlists

Chicago

��Hi, guys. I’m nervous.”  The fan gave Jensen and Jared a hug each.  

“Don’t be nervous! We don’t bite.”  Jared smiled lovingly.

“Yes, please don’t.”  The adoring fan chuckled.

“What pose would you like?”  Jensen asked.

“Can I just get a hug, please?  I just need a hug.”  She beamed at her current situation.

“You okay?”  Jared asked, concerned at her comment.

“Yep!”

They took the photo and then continued interacting and posing with other fans.

—————

“Hey, darlin’.”  Jared walked into one of the break rooms in the hotel.  He saw the con volunteer in her required outfit eating her lunch.  “You took a photo today!  It was so nice to meet you!  I’m Jared.”  He extended his hand.  She stood and shook it. “Nice, strong shake you got there.”

“I’m YN.  Nice to meet you too.  Hopefully I didn’t freak out too bad.  I am a volunteer. I need to get my crap together.”  YN looked away from him.

“We’re just people too, kid.  You want some pizza?”  He gestured to the table with boxes of pizzas on top.

“That’s only for the cast and crew.  Volunteers have to bring their own.”  YN shrugged.

“Here, have some pizza.”  Jared took some pizza from a box, put it on a plate, and handed it to her.

“Thanks,” She said quietly.

“What’s up with you?  You don’t like pizza?”

YN laughed. “I’m like the Ninja Turtles. I am fueled by pizza, actually.”  YN kept a straight face.  Confused, Jared tilted his head as she started laughing.

“You’re good, kid, you’re good,”. Jared acknowledges her sense i humor.  “Jensen and I pull that crap all the time on set.  You would fit right in.”

“Yeah, I don’t act. That would never happen.”

“You never know, darlin’.  Okay, onto autographs.  I’ll see you around!”

—————

Jacksonville

“You’re okay. I know this is super exciting, but they are kind and loving. How long have you been watching the show?” YN tried to sooth a fan who was anxious to take her photo with Jensen, Jared, and Misha.

“Ummm,” She sniffled. “Two years.”

“Me too!  Are you caught up yet?”  YN kept her engaged to calm her.

“Almost!”  She shrieked.

“Next!” A photo op volunteer yelled.

“Go. You’re going to be great. They are lovely.”  YN encouraged her to walk into the photo room with the cast.

“Okay, thanks!”  The girl wiped her tears and smiled back at YN as she walked to say hello to the boys.

Phew.

YN took a deep sigh as she escorted the last fan away from the photo op area.

“Hey!  You okay?”  Jensen and Jared walked up to her.

“Yes.  I’m sure you know nothing about long days.”  She offered them a dry chuckle.

“Not a clue.  I’m Jensen.”  

YN shook his hand and smiled.

“How long have you been volunteering?”

“A while, right?”  Jared guessed.

“This is my third con.  I’ve been a fan for a few years though.”

“Thank you for helping us make this whole ‘con’ thing.  It makes a difference,” Jensen grinned.

“Well, you’re welcome.”  YN beamed.  “I need to go clean up, excuse me, boys.”

As the cons continued, YN seemed more tired.

“What’s going on?  You’re exhausted, kid.”  Jensen looked YN over.

“Nothing for you to worry about, Dean Winchester,” she gave a small smile.

“Jensen!  We need you!”  A staffer called for him.

“I’ll talk to you later, YN.”

With J2 on stage, YN was charged with overseeing the fans in line to ask questions. She had noticed that Jared seemed absolutely lethargic earlier.  YN saw how close he stayed to Jensen, and she found it odd behavior for him based on her previous experience. As another fan stepped to the microphone, out of the corner of YN’s eye, she saw that Jared fell out of his chair after slumping over. She noted his whole body shaking. Jensen quickly moved the chairs out of the way.

Without thinking, YN ran on the stage and grabbed a microphone. “Cameras down and all available volunteers on stage now!”

As the volunteers arrived, she told them to line the stage and face the crowd so that no one could take video or see Jared in that state.

“He’s having a seizure,” she informed Jensen and a few band members who tried to help. “Don’t touch him. Get medical now. He’s been seizing for 30 seconds already. We need help.” YN saw people in white shirts move everyone, including herself, out of the way while the crowd was silent. Before Jensen knew it, Jared was off to the hospital. Not allowed in the ambulance, he walked off the stage in shock. After taking a breath, YN followed him backstage. “Jensen?” She asked quietly.

“Not now, kid.” He turned to her, his eyes glassy.

“Breathe,” was all she said. Surprised no one had come back to check on Jensen, she continued.

“He-. He just started shaking!” Jensen’s voice went high.

“I know,” she responded calmly. “If you want to be there for him, then you have to calm down. You don't know anything yet. I know it’s scary, but you have to be calm.”

Still in shock, he fumbled with his phone and dropped it.

“I have to call Gen. Or Dee. Or-“ he scrambled.

“I’m sure someone has already let her know. Looks like everyone has gone to the hospital.” She peered around the curtain. Seeing no one out there and fans slowly leaving,  YN saw the urgency in his eyes. “I’ll get you a ride. You have Uber on your phone?” He nodded. “Give it to me.” Jensen picked it up and shakingly gave it to the girl. “Come on. The driver will meet you outside.” YN led him to the hotel entrance. When the car arrived, she verified that it was the correct driver, and she said goodbye. “Wish him well,” YN waved. “It will be okay.”

———-

@JensenAckles Thank you to the lovely fan who made such a difference today. Sasquatch is recovering. Updates to follow. We love our #SPNfamily !

@Spnfambam that girl was in charge. So glad she hid Jared from the crowd. I wouldn’t want my medical emergency all over the internet either.

@mollypolly that idiot ruined some good gossip! Bitch.

@samanddeannnn the fan was so calm. I was in the audience. So respectful and caring of her to do what she did. I think she was a volunteer, too.

———

Jared recovered slowly. The past few months’ memories were gone, but his current short term memory was active.  After only a few hours in the ER, he was released into Jensen’s care. Since they were in Dallas, Jensen rented a car and drove it home to Austin. The show had to be out on hold for a week, because Jared needed to rest.

“Do you remember what she did?” Jensen asked Jared in the Padalecki home.

“What?”

“Here,” Jensen pulled up a convention video that displayed YN’s heroics.

“She did that for me? No one saw me?”

“She had the volunteers stand in the way. Most people put their phones down anyway. YN got me an Uber to get to the hospital. They wouldn’t let me ride in the ambulance,” Jensen smiled appreciatively at her helping them.

“Wow. Wasn’t she that volunteer? My memory is really bad, so maybe not. I can’t re-“

“Oh yeah! Umm… YN, I think. We really do need to thank her,” Jensen suggested. “No, dude.  Take a breath.” He saw Jared’s face change and breathing quicken.

“I can’t believe I did that in front- of-”

“We took care of it, and no one really saw anything anyway.”

Jared’s expression froze.  Speechless, he searched Jensen’s face.

“Breathe, buddy.  Let’s change the subject. You wanna watch some bad TV?” The older one smiled.

-------------

@JensenAckles as many know, the moose had a little emergency today.  Thanks to the fan who helped us today. He is recovering.  Updates to follow.  Thoughts and prayers appreciated.

“Oh, crap!”  YN whispered in her Dallas apartment.  “Jensen tweeted about me?”  She slammed her laptop shut.  “Shit.”

Her phone kept buzzing.

“What?!” YN growled to herself. 

BEST FRIENDDDD

What in the actual hell did you do at the convention? You’re a hero!

YN

JA tweeted about me!  I’m so-  I don’t know! 

BEST FRIENDDDD

Check insta!  If you don’t tell him, I will!

YN opened the app and found Jensen’s profile. A screenshot of a fan’s video showed YN at the mic after Jared had landed on the ground.

@JensenAckles Anyone know who this is?  Jared and I want to say thank you.

YN

No!  It’s not a big deal!

BEST FRIENDDDD

They’ll find out.  Creation has your information and will recognize you.

YN

Damnit.  Well, let ‘em, I guess.  Thanks for the heads’ up. I need to go sleep off the day.

BEST FRIENDDDD

Good night, sweetie.

______

“Tell me who she is.” Jared called the Creation Entertainment volunteer coordinator.

“It’s confidential, Mr. Padalecki,” she responded with a huff.

“I will have you fired,” he growled.  “I know it’s not against the law, now tell me.”

He heard rustling in the background, papers shuffling.

“YN LN.”

Jared also demanded her phone number.

“Was that so damn hard?”  Jared hung up and threw his phone on the couch.

“You need to chill,” Gen walked into the room.  “You are okay, and you have to calm down.  I get that you feel a little out of control, but you better damn well not growl at our babies like that,” she wrapped her arms around him, grace evident in her voice.

“Sorry,” he whispered into her hair.  “Woah, dizzy.” He fell back into the couch, and Gen stumbled almost falling with him.  “Sorry, lost my balance.  Must be the meds.  Didn’t mean to trip you.”

“I’ll go get you some water.  Relax a minute.”  Gen exited

————-

Jared had some trouble maneuvering, but he went back to work. Not being able to run much, the writers and directors gave Jensen more fight scenes, Dean protecting Sam mostly.

“I could protect myself, ya know,” Jared sighed to his TV brother.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jensen responded with a deep sigh. He looked over his forearms which had scrapes and bruises covering them.

“I’ll ask them to give me more of the fighting so that you don’t get hur-“

“No. You can barely walk straight. We don’t need a head injury. You are already compromised.” Jensen tried to walk past Jared while the younger one lay on the couch, but Jared grabbed his arm.

“I CAN,” he growled.

“I’m not having this fight with you. The stunt coordinator will never give you stuff to do when you are stumbling over yourself!” Jensen loudly exclaimed his frustration with a groan coming from the back of his throat.

“Why?!” Jared screamed back.

“Because you had a seizure! You’re on meds, and you’re still recovering, that’s why!” Jensen turned to face him fully, staring him down.

“I’m so tired of people treating me with kid gloves! Come on!” Jared stood up, puffed out his chest and backed Jensen into the corner of his trailer.

“Sit down before you fall over, Jared,” Jensen gave a warning. The taller one went to latch onto Jensen’s collar. Jensen pushed him off as smoothly as he could as to not knock him down. He took Jared’s wrists and walked him backward, pushing him to the couch again. “You aren’t you before the seizure. I get it. But you don’t get to feel sorry for yourself either. Now own where you are and work to recover!”

“I can’t!”

“Get out of your damn head, or I swear I will fly your therapist here in person.”

“No! Don’t!” Jared put his hands up in defense.

“Then call him, and get your head on straight,” Jensen handed him a phone and crossed his arms. Jared dropped it on the couch dismissively.  

“Fine.  I’ll do it.”  Before the younger one knew it, Jensen had the psychologist on the phone.  “....Yeah, he needs to get it through his skull that he is okay.  Here,” Jensen handed the phone to Jared once again.  Glaring, Jared sighed in defeat and took it, putting it to his ear.

“Hi, doc,” he gulped.  

Feeling as though his job was done, Jensen exited the trailer.  

A half hour later, the wardrobe department called for Jared to change clothes.  He wiped a hand over his face as he walked down the steps  of his trailer to walk across the set.  

“Feel better?”  Jensen asked his friend.

“Go away.  Stop trying to help me,” Jared tried to shove the oldest man. Jensen spun him around and slammed him against the trailer, his chest hitting the wall.  “Ow!” In his haze, he landed on his knees.  Jensen held Jared’s head against the side of the trailer with pressure to keep him still.  

“Stop! You need to stop.  This is where you are right now.  It sucks.  Feel it.  Get emotional.  Punch something.  Just own it!” Jensen stated authoritatively.  “Breathe.  One thing at a time,” the friend let go of his head. Jared looked back at Jensen in defeat, eyes sad.  “You can do this, but you have to accept where you are right now.  You’re dizzy, tired, and frustrated.  You have trouble doing stuff.  You’ll get better.  You already have and it’s been two weeks. ��It’s okay not to be okay.  Do you want to live, or do you want to sit back and be overwhelmed?” Jensen stepped and turned so that he could face Jared.  The older Winchester extended his hand.  “Come on.” Jared accepted the gesture and stood up with Jensen’s help.

“Okay,” he whispered. Wiping his face again, the tallest actor walked toward the wardrobe trailer.  

________

YN’s phone started ringing.  Since she didn’t recognize the number, she dismissed it to her voicemail.  Surprised that a voicemail was left rather than just a missed call, YN listened to it.

“Hi, umm.  This message is for YN LN.  Uh-”the voice took a breath.  “This is Jared Pada-”  YN ended the recording and gasped.  In shock, she started breathing quickly.  Landing on her bed, she rocked herself back and forth to calm down. After a final deep breath, she listed to it again.

“... Jensen showed me a video of what happened, and I just wanted to say thank you.  I knew you were an amazing person, but I didn’t know you were kickass like that.”

YN smiled but kept listening.

“Umm.  This is my personal number.  Text me or call me.  I want to ask you something.  Have a good night.  Always keep fighting.”

She heard a click.

“What does he want with me?”

YN froze.  Should she call him back?  Ignore him?  No, she couldn’t do that. Call him, it is.

He answered on the first ring.

“Hi, YN.”

“Hi, Mr. Padalecki.  Are you feeling better?”

“Please call me Jared.  You did save my life after all,” he laughed into the phone.  “Yes, much.  And I have you to thank for that.  The reason I was calling was because I don’t really remember what happened.  Doc said that was normal.  How did you know to do all that stuff?  I mean, you just jumped in and took charge.”

“Sir, it’s not a big deal.  Really.”

“Please just answer my question,” he pleaded.  

“I just respect you a lot and seeing you like that made me want to protect you, I guess,” YN shrugged even though Jared couldn't see her body language.  

Silence.

“Jared?  You there?”

She heard his pitch change.

“Yeah.  I don’t know what to say other than thank you.  Something like this is a lot to deal with anyway, but the fact that it happened in front of thousands of people…”

“Well, you’re welcome, sir.  I love your show and respect you a lot.  Are you recovering?”

“Slowly.  Jensen had to set me straight a few times, but I am okay.”

“I understand.  It takes a while,” she affirmed him.

“Wait, what?” Jared backtracked.

“It’s going to be okay.  Promise,” YN said vaguely.  

“How do you understand?”  Jared pressed her.  

“Have a good day, Jared,” she cut him off.

“Wait!  I’m sorry.  I need to go, but thank you for everything.  Can I contact you again?”

“Sure,” YN answered.  “Bye, Jared.”

———

YN

Jared Padalecki called me! Like… what?!” 

BEST FRIENDDDD

Huh?! What did he say?!”

YN

He thanked me for what I did. He kind of pushed for info when I said that I understood, but I kind of shut him down. Still hard to talk about.

BEST FRIENDDDD

Oh, sweetie. I’m sorry. It’s okay. He would realize what you’re feeling if he knew.

YN

I know.

————-

“Hi, YN. It’s Jared,” he said calmly into the phone.

Tentatively, she gave a ‘hello’.

“Did you have a medical emergency?” He asked abruptly.

“Jared- please,” she stopped.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m drowning over here. Gen’s here and she suggested I call you again. I feel so… stuck.”

“Oh. Hi, Gen,” YN quietly stated.

“Hi!” The wife yelled via speakerphone.

“Trust me. You will be okay.”

“How? How do you know that?”

YN took a deep breath.

“I had a minor stroke in front of a crowd once. No one stopped to help me other than one person calling for emergency services,” the young adult admitted. “It’s hard to talk about.”

“That I understand.”

“It sucks. It just does. I’m sure you know to take it a step at a time, but that was the only way I could deal with it. I took the wins, big and small. I had to drop out of school for a semester and get my medicine and therapies figured out. Jared, I loved school, and I had to give it up. But it was okay. I could have thrown in the towel, but you say to always keep fighting, so I fought. Went back the next semester, and I earned my degree. I am not going to sit on my ass when there is life to be lived,” she stated with conviction. “Get up, take a deep breath, and fight one battle at a time.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-five. Why?”

“You’re wise for your age.”

“Nah. Just learned some life lessons. I’m sorry that you’re struggling, but you CAN do this. Promise.”

“How did you recover, YN?”

“Friends. They drug me to physical therapy. And eventually regular therapy. It was a small enough stroke that I could do exercises to make my body fully recover. You wouldn’t know now.”

“What about your family?” Jared asked.

“Umm. They don’t know that I go to therapy.  They’re a very “just deal with it,” kinda group. That’s why I moved out. And the reason I also started volunteering for IAmAlive. I can give back. It’s my own kind of therapy.”

“Wow. That’s amazing.”

“You gave me the strength to get out from under the control of people who hate feelings,” YN admitted. “I needed to fight for me.”

“That’s right. Look, you wanna come to Vancouver? We’re back and shooting now before the next convention. I’m trying to stay under the radar since everything happened,” he got quiet.

“Umm. Sure. I- I don’t know what to say.” YN stuttered.

“Well, you can say yes, because I would really like to hear more of your story, YN.”

“Great!”

“I’ll have my agent call you and get you a flight, okay? Can’t wait to see you!”

“Same. Bye, Jared!”

————

YN arrived in Vancouver for the week. She was treated well with drivers and a nice hotel room near the set of Supernatural. When she was picked up, both Jared and Jensen were inside the van.

“Uh. Hi, guys,” shocked they were right in front of her.

“Hey, come on!” Jared motioned for her to enter the vehicle.

“Right,” she remembered to move her feet.

They drove fifteen minutes before they got to the set.

“Come hang out in the trailers.” Jared led the group of three.

The cast and crew welcomed her with open arms. As the boys got ready, the makeup and hair department pulled her aside for a Winchester makeover, but she didn’t know the purpose yet. Wardrobe fitted her with jeans, boots, and an oversized flannel that she suspected was Sam’s since it smelled like Jared. The ends of her plaid shirt were tight into a knot so that it fit her body style better.  She turned around after putting on the clothes and looked in the mirror. Her braided hair and simple makeup made her smile.

“I like the boots! And everything!” She exclaimed. When YN walked down the steps to the lot, Misha saw her and complimented her.

“Do you like your Supernatural makeover?” He laughed.

“It’s amazing,” she sighed happily.

“There you are! Okay, let’s go!” Jared wrapped an arm around his new friend and guided her to the set. Her jaw dropped at everything in front of her. She was on the set of supernatural. With some of her favorite celebrities. Ever. What?! “Okay. You wanna act, darlin’?” He looked down at her.

“Uh. Excuse me?”

“You said you would never be able to act. Now’s your chance. You want to?”

“Please?” Jensen whined playfully as he walked up to the pair.

“Were you planning this all along?” YN smirked.

“You get to be an extra today. Just follow the direction of the PA. She’ll take care of you. Promise,” Jared smiled.

“Yes! Thank you!” She hugged them both.

After getting instruction from the crew, she learned that her job was to be annoyed with the boys.

Dean walks into dinner near a college campus. He notes all of the students studying.

“Nerds,” he huffs. Dean sees a girl with books in her arms with narrowed eyes at him. After hearing him, she rolls her eyes and elbow-checks him, he stumbles backward. Sam starts cackling as she exits.

“That’s what you get, you jerk!” Sam laughs.

“Cut!”

The PA said, “Back to One!”

YN returned to her beginning place in the scene with a grin on her face.

“Hey!” Jensen yelled for her attention. She froze. “No laughing in Supernatural!”

YN almost dropped her books from laughing so hard at the variation of the famous line from the show. The cast joined in when she continued to giggle. YN took a breath and sat down at the booth to start the scene over.

They did the scene a few more times before moving on. She sat in her official cast chair while the cast and crew worked. It was amazing to see them in their element.

“How’d you like that?” Jared asked.

“So fun! I mean, I’m angry at Dean all the time for being an ass on the show anyway,” she giggled.

“HEY!” Jensen growled. “I’m offended!” He put a hand to his chest.

_______

“I’m still a little out of it.  It’s tough tripping over everything, and I have to gain some skills back.  I talk slow and I can’t carry a conversation.”

“Jared.”  YN interrupted him. “What have you improved on?”

“Oh gosh. Not you too.  Jensen was asking me that earlier,” he chuckled as they ate their lunches together.

“Take the wins.”

“I am just struggling so much.”

“I know.  It’s okay.  But struggling means you’re getting somewhere.  Fight.  You know you have to.”

“But what if I don’t want to?” 

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[missjondrette]

A Time For Us

Arkham Knight-verse Jason x Reader

Notes: 4000 words of reader and jason as childhood friends, set roughly one year after Arkham Knight. 

---

One look at Mr. Wayne’s face and you knew it would be the worst possible news.

Framed in your doorway, he had a look on his face you’d never seen before. A quiet, dark anguish seen in the new lines around his mouth, the thousand-yard gaze in his eyes. He was nothing like the man you’d seen a handful of times before – the glamorous Bruce Wayne who dominated the media. He didn’t even look like Jason’s charming—but somewhat peculiar—foster father. He was a stranger.

You felt cold, suddenly. Like all the heat had been yanked out of your body in one swoop.

“What is it?” You begged, hand tightening on the doorknob. “Is there any news? Mr. Wayne?”

In the shitty lighting of your apartment’s hallway, Mr. Wayne seemed shrouded in shadow. “May I come inside?” he asked, hollow.

You realized slowly that you were shaking your head. “No. What is it? What did you come to tell me?” You demanded.

Bruce Wayne stared at you for a long minute then sighed, low and weary. “Jason is dead,” he said. “I am… sorry.”

Blood pounded in your ears. “No,” you said, numb. “No.”

“I wish it wasn’t true, but it is. His… kidnappers. They sent me proof. Jason’s dead.”

You flinched from the words. “No,” you said, louder. At some point, your breathing had turned into rapid, harsh pants. “Shut up, just—stop talking,” you pleaded.

“I—the police haven’t found his body yet,” Wayne said. Everything out of his mouth felt like a knife. “But we’re still looking. We’ll bring him ho—”

“Shut up!” The scream ripped out of you, a wave of raw fury on its heels. In a surge of mindless rage, you threw up your hands, brought them up to Bruce Wayne’s front, and shoved, shoved as hard as you could. He took a few resigned steps back. A mix of resignation, pity, and sorrow shone in his eyes.

You slammed the door in his face.

Bile rose in your throat. Whirling around, you barreled through the small apartment until you reached the fire escape outside the living room window. You clambered onto it, clumsy in your haste.

A burst of cold air, unforgiving and without mercy. You barely felt it, though. And you were already shaking, trembling all over, with the effort of holding back tears. Tiny, muffled whimpers escaped you even though you pressed your lips together as tightly as you could. It felt like great big cracks were splintering through your body.

So… you gave up.

And let it all out.

All the grief poured out from you in noisy, broken sobs. You gripped the icy railing until your palms burned. Tears streamed down your cheeks. You cried until the twinkling dusk faded into the black night, until you felt empty and hollowed inside-out. Until the grief became a void in your chest.

“Jay,” you whispered, and the idea that you would never get to call him by his name again—it hurt, worse than any pain you’d felt. You closed your eyes. “Jay.”

***

For the past few weeks, the same man had been coming to your bookstore.

You didn’t register his presence properly, at first. The first day or so, you caught a glimpse of dark hair and a red hood – near the back shelves, browsing the titles under Horror. Nothing significant enough to leave an impression. Just another customer who flipped through some pages and left without buying anything.

A year after the Gotham Exodus (as the media had taken to calling it), the city struggled to adjust. No more Batman, no more Bruce Wayne. Billions in damages to infrastructure. People missing in droves.

Even more dead.

One year later, you were only just managing to pull yourself into some semblance of normal. Like rising out of a fog to notice the new dawn.

So you thought you could be forgiven for not being the most observant person in the world.

Then you started to notice him more and more. He didn’t show up every day, but often enough that you grew used to his presence. He moved around the store but tended to stay near the back. You never saw his face. Instead, you came to know him by the red jacket he wore, the hood always pulled up. He wore a surgical mask too – maybe he was ill? Some kind of… immunodeficiency? Whatever the reason, he was clearly a man who didn’t want to be identified.

Crime Alley born and bred, you maintained a healthy sense of distrust. Especially for the first handful of times that he showed up to the store. No one lived in Gotham for more than a month and didn’t pick up a radar for when shit started to feel wrong. So you went about your business while making sure to keep him in your peripheries.

Just try me, buddy, you thought at him once, narrowing your eyes at his broad back while he flipped through Poe’s The Masque of the Red Death. He looked pretty built, but you’d pulled yourself out of hairier situations than a creepy stalker at work. Gotta love Gotham, huh?

But he kept showing up, day after day, doing nothing more than perusing the shelves for an hour or so before disappearing. It irked you a little that he never bought anything – but then, your parents had always encouraged people to browse to their heart’s content without dropping a penny. Not the best business model, but miraculously the store had always pulled through. Long after your parents were gone, you tried to keep their legacy alive.

For their sakes, you said nothing and kept a polite distance as Tall, Dark, and Silent loitered in the back, shoulders hunched and a dark cloud hovering over him. It started to feel like you’d acquired a stray cat, actually. You couldn’t just go up and start petting a wary cat. That would pretty much guarantee a frosty, injured silence. And maybe some vicious scratches. Instead, you had to sort of quietly exist around them, going about your day and letting them grow accustomed to you. Maybe set out a bowl of milk and hope to coax them out.

In this case, substitute milk for a worn copy of World War I poetry.

After a few weeks, you’d observed that your mysterious regular drifted to that book more than any other. It was an old book. You remembered reading it as a teenager, sitting on the floor with your back against the hard shelving. The stranger clearly liked it. He even seemed to linger on certain pages. Briefly, you thought about going up to him and saying, “You can have it if you want. No charge. Think of it as a gift.”

But what if it scared him away? Or he got offended?

You’d grown used to him, over the weeks. It would feel kind of weird now if he didn’t show up anymore.

Once, when he wasn’t there, you’d picked up the book. It fell open to a creased page. The Death Bed, by Siegfried Sassoon. Automatically, your eyes fell to lines halfway down the page – He swallowed, unresisting; moaned and dropped through crimson gloom to darkness.

You shut the book and replaced it back on the shelf. It had felt almost like infringing on the stranger’s privacy to open it.

The pattern continued for almost a month.

He would show up about an hour before closing. Hang around silently before stepping out and vanishing into the Gotham fog. You’d stay near the front and daydream about things to say to him. The perfect words to magically draw him out of his shell. A charming quip, a witty one-liner.

But when you finally spoke up, the words that came out were far from perfect. They were clumsy, unplanned, and probably sounded like nonsense.

Mansfield Park drove you to it. You were sneaking glances at the stranger while pretending to be engrossed in shelving books when you saw the cover of the book he was reading. And before you could stop yourself, your mouth was falling open and you were saying, “I had a friend who refused to shut up about that book.”

Wait.

What just happened?

You were so busy being horrified by what you’d just done that you almost missed the stranger’s reaction. He didn’t turn around, but the lines of his shoulders tensed up a bit. His voice, when he spoke, was rough. “Did he.” Not a question.

That should have been your cue to shut up and quietly return to the cash register. To never speak up again and pray that you hadn’t ruined everything. Instead, oh god, you just kept going.

“We had to read it in high school,” you said into an awkward, strained silence. “No one in our class liked it. Except for J—my friend. He said none of us got it. That it was all about the patriarchy, and corruption, and the failings of conservatism. He knew all about the historical context too. He… was kind of a nerd. But, um, sorry, I noticed you reading it and—and it just reminded me of him. I didn’t mean to bother you. Just… go back to reading, sorry.”

It couldn’t have been worse if you’d gone up to him and thrown up all over his feet. Christ. Face burning, you eyed him nervously to see what would happen.

He shut the book. Put it back on the shelf. And, as you watched with increasing guilt and misery, he marched out into the autumn chill without a word.

He kept his head low and carefully turned away as he passed you. But, for a split second, you thought you might have caught a glimpse of his eyes. A flash of blue, like cold Gotham rain. And…

Something that had looked a lot like furious anguish.

You stood at the window, staring at his retreating figure until he turned the corner. Confusion mixed with regret until your head hurt.

For the past few weeks, the same man had been coming to your bookstore.

And you were starting to feel like… you knew him.

***

You didn’t see him again for several days.

Your brain refused to quiet down even in his absence. If anything, it seemed like your imagination grew wilder and wilder when he wasn’t there. Little things suddenly seemed much more significant.

Blue eyes. You’d never forgotten Jason’s eyes – they could shine as cold as ice or glow incandescent like flames. You used to tease him about his long eyelashes. That always made him snort and shove you lightly.

The stranger had blue eyes. You were sure of it. Of course, Jason had been on your mind at the moment you saw them… so maybe you were just seeing what you wanted?

Had the stranger sounded like Jason? What had he said… nothing more than a few words, right? You couldn’t remember clearly.

The books he read! You smiled triumphantly. Those were definitely all books Jason liked or would have liked. Your smile faded. Then again… plenty of people liked those same books. It was hardly conclusive evidence.

With a groan, your head dropped into your hands. This was insane. How could you possibly entertain the idea that your childhood friend, dead for years, had mysteriously come back to life… just to hang around your bookstore while refusing to say a word to you?

Actually, you mused. That does sound like something Jason would do.

You shook your head. This was pathetic. After all these years, you still hadn’t moved on. Like a desperate child, you still held on hope for a miracle that was never going to happen.

“Therapy, that’s what I need,” you announced into the empty store just as the bell above the door jingled merrily. You turned to greet the customers, unable to squash the spark of hope that the stranger had come back— and your voice died in your throat.

Two hulking brutes stood in front of you, one slowly drawing a handgun from his jacket. They didn’t look like they’d come in because of the window display.

Oh.

Oh hell no.

“Look, assholes,” you snapped. “I know fucking Penguin or whoever didn’t send you to rob a goddamn bookstore, unless things have gotten really desperate in the crime world. If you wanted lunch money you’d have better luck hitting up a middle-schooler. This bitch,” you nodded jerkily at the cash register. “Is empty.”

“You’re a mouthy one, ain’t ya,” said one of the thugs, chuckling. “How about you let us take a look and see for ourselves, sweetheart?”

You stared. “Ew, what? Yeah, don’t call me that shit.”

“I’ll call you whatever the hell I want—”

CRASH! The world exploded in a shower of glass.

You threw your arms up instinctively to shield your face. Sounds of thuds and pained screams ripped through the air before dying into a grim silence. Trembling a little, you lowered your arms just enough to see the two brutes sprawled on the ground, completely knocked out.

What the…

Slowly, shakily, your eyes rose— and you found yourself staring into redness.

You inhaled sharply. A figure in red and grey stood over the two limp bodies, his heavy boot pressing down with careful deliberation on one of their necks. Beneath him, the thug stirred mulishly.

The deafening crack! of a gunshot. You flinched.

He didn’t stir again.

“Woah,” you said, voice wobbling a bit.

The figure turned to you. You brutally squashed another flinch and forced yourself to meet his gaze unflinchingly – or where you assumed his gaze was, at least. He wore a full-face helmet that betrayed nothing of his expression. It felt like staring into a sea of blood.

You’d thought he was just a rumor. The merciless, brutal vigilante who clearly followed a moral code all of his own.

But everything else you thought you knew had changed, hadn’t it?

The Red Hood stood silently in front of you. Something about the tense lines of his shoulders, the way his hands clenched and unclenched at his sides – it looked almost like uncertainty. Then, with a sharp jerk, he spun around and strode towards the shattered window of the storefront.

You made a small sound, unable to stop yourself. You had no idea what you planned to say to him.

Red Hood stopped again. Was he hesitating? He tilted his head in your direction. “Are you okay?” he asked, low and rough.

You stared. “­Am I­—” You broke off and laughed, a touch hysterical. You didn’t even know anymore. Taking slow, deep breaths through your nose, you forced yourself to calm down.

Red Hood still didn’t leave.

You summoned the effort to keep your tone light. “After all these years, I was afraid I’d forgotten the sound of your voice.”

Silence. Red Hood went alarmingly still.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, finally, after a long pause.

“Don’t you?” you cried, voice raw. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about. Everything is screaming at me that I’m being stupid, that I’m seeing and hearing things that aren’t there. This isn’t rational! It doesn’t make sense! But all I know is—all I know is that I thought I’d forgotten your voice, but I hadn’t. It was in my brain all this time, and I just needed a— a push. I’ve been waiting to hear it. All. This. Time.”

You broke on a ragged sigh. “Also,” you said softly. “I’ve never seen eyes like yours in anyone else.”

Red Hood made a noise somewhere between a snarl and a shaky exhale. “We’re not doing this here,” he growled. In quick, sharp movements, he covered the short distance between the two of you and grabbed your wrist. Dazed, you followed him to the window – or what was left of it.

His arm dropped to your waist and pulled you tightly to his side.

Your jaw dropped open. Well, this was fresh. “Hey, what are youuuuuOH MY GOD!” The whooshing wind swallowed up your shriek as you zipped through the cold air.

It felt like you’d left your stomach back on the ground. It took a second for you to realize that you were once again on solid footing. You looked around frantically –somehow, you’d ended up on top of a tall building.

“Holy shit, that was terrifying!” You said, trying to stay up on quivering legs. Your lips twitched into a grin. “We have to do that again later.”

A snort. Red Hood took a few steps back, taking his body heat with him. You watched him carefully.

“I didn’t…” You sighed. Rubbed your eyes, suddenly feeling completely drained. “You can just walk away, you know. If that’s what you want. We can both just pretend that I’m some sad, confused hot mess—”

Red Hood reached up and removed his helmet.

Your breath caught in your throat. No mask, no hood – you stood face-to-face with a ghost, a memory, a buried wish.

“Is this a dream?” You asked, choked. Tears filled your eyes and you blinked them away furiously, desperate to keep your vision as clear as possible.

He wasn’t the Jason Todd you remembered – not the young boy with the devil-may-care grin and bright eyes. But, instead, a man grown. You searched his features, finding the familiar blue gaze now hardened with years and experiences you couldn’t begin to fathom. The Roman nose, already a little crooked in childhood from healing poorly after a fight. Unruly black hair. And—a scar.

“Jason,” you managed, the tears managing to spill free down your cheeks. You ignored them, taking a step forward. “Is it really you? Am I—am I really not dreaming?”

His eyes met yours. Your heart soared, impossibly ecstatic. You knew, you knew you hadn’t forgotten what his eyes had looked like.

“This is nothing like a dream,” Jason said harshly. His knuckles were bone-white against the red of his helmet. “I’m not the kid you once knew. He died a long time ago. Alone. Broken. If you think you know who I am, if you think—that things are just going to go back to the way they were—”

“Shut up, Jason.”

Jason’s jaw shut with an audible click. He blinked, looking a little stunned, like he hadn’t thought there were still people in the city dumb enough to tell the Red Hood to shut up to his face.

“You think I don’t know that?” You demanded, scowling at him. “Of course we can’t go back to what we used to be. I have no idea what you’ve been through, but I know it must have been… unimaginable. But you’re not dead! You’re here, standing right in front of me, and you were the one who kept showing up to my shop, over and over and over. And I’m pretty sure it wasn’t because of our Shakespeare collection. You’ve changed, Jason, but I see now that one thing’s still the same. Jason Todd, for all his prickly attitude and righteous temper, has always wanted a place to belong. People to call his own.”

It hurt to keep looking at Jason. You’d never seen him look so—raw, so blown apart. He hunched his shoulders, keeping his face carefully turned away from you. A muscle spasmed in his cheek.

“That’s not something I can want anymore,” he whispered.

“It’s always going to be something I want to give to you,” you said plainly.

Jason laughed, a little brokenly. “I don’t even know where to go from here. It was stupid to keep coming to see you. There was no reason for it. Nothing logical, anyway. I didn’t want you to find out who I was. And I was risking everything by doing it. But… I just couldn’t stop myself,” he said, shrugging helplessly.

“Good,” you said, smiling weakly at him. “I tried so hard to learn how to carry the grief, Jason. But I never stopped waiting for you to show up again.”

A car alarm rang out into the air. Jason’s fingers twitched, and he bit his lip. He made an awkward gesture at your face. “Um, by the way… you’ve got, uh. Glass. In your hair.”

You blinked. “What? Oh!” Startled, you moved to touch your head.

“Wait.” Jason took a few steps forward, neatly entering your space. “Let me?”

You dropped your hands, hoping you weren’t blushing. He did have gloves on. It only made sense. “Sure. Go ahead.”

Slowly, Jason reached out with one hand, hesitating right before making contact. “Close your eyes,” he said huskily.

You did, suppressing a tiny shiver at the first brush of his fingers against your temple. Jason was gentle and quick, but you still felt a tiny sting on your scalp and cheeks as he swept the broken glass from your hair. If anything, though, the burn made your nerves sing until your skin became even more sensitive to Jason’s touch.

“There,” he said, low. “You can open your eyes now.”

You opened them in time to catch an almost… tender expression on Jason’s face. Muted, but there nonetheless. You blinked up at him, suddenly self-conscious.

“Thanks,” you said, face growing warm.

“I missed you,” Jason said abruptly. “I’d be lying if I said I thought about you all the time while I was gone. Sometimes I even tried my best to forget you. For a long time… I only had one goal. Nothing else mattered. Nothing else could matter. I lived in a world you could have no part in.”

It hurt to hear. Not the idea that Jason didn’t want to remember you—that notion paled in the face of all the things Jason had suffered, in a time and place where you couldn’t reach him. Your heart ached with a desire to erase all the pain and misery and suffering. Even as you knew that you couldn’t decide that for him.

You stayed quiet.

“But being around you again,” Jason said. “It felt a little like being happy again. At first, I just wanted to remember what it used to be when were kids. Friends. But then you would do things. You’d hum along to a song on the radio, tell a customer about what book you were reading. You’d make funny faces at a kid. You’d tell off some asshole and make him cry.” A helpless smile tugged at the corner of Jason’s lips. “All of a sudden, I wasn’t thinking about when we were kids. Instead, I wanted to get to know you. All over again.”

You swallowed and waited until you thought your voice wouldn’t shake when you spoke. “I missed you too,” you said softly. Carefully, you held out your hand, letting it hover in the space between the two of you—not a demand, but a quiet offer if he wanted it.

Emotion flickered in Jason’s face, too quick for you to scrutinize. After a beat, he took your hand. His fingers curled around yours, warm and solid.

You smiled at him. Your eyes felt a little wet, but you could see Jason’s face, clear in the moonlight and city neon. That was what mattered.

“We’ve got time now,” you said. “Jay.”

***

EPILOGUE/CODA

 “Admit it,” you said with a grin, setting down the steaming mug on the coffee table. “You’re just with me because of the books.”

Jason glanced up, flashing you a quick smirk before going back to his paperback. “Yeah, that was the plan all along, babe,” he said. “I was taught by a master strategist, you know.”

You rolled your eyes and dropped down on the couch. Jason shifted a little, angling and moving until his legs were tangled with yours. You kicked him playfully.

“You can pay me back,” you said pointedly, “by helping with the new window display.”

“Do I get to pick the theme this time?”

You let out a snort and brushed your thumb over the jut of his cheekbones. The novelty of touching him still hadn’t worn off. You had a feeling it never would. “Only if you can keep it PG-13 or below,” you said.

Jason tossed the paperback—the copy of WWI poetry, which you’d given him shortly after your reunion—to the side. He grabbed your wrist and slowly, carefully took your thumb between his teeth—biting down just hard enough for electricity to race up your spine.

“Are you trying to bribe me?” You asked with a laugh.

Jason released your thumb and pressed a lazy, open kiss to the delicate skin of your wrist. “Nah,” he said. “This? Is for me.”

***

Fin.

I wrote the epilogue after realizing that otherwise it would just be “what if we stood on a rooftop after i killed two guys and we held hands 😳”

[iguessilovebakugou]

An update on where I’ve been is in fucking order [Writing Commission Info here!]

So, let me say that I’m sorry that I’ve all but dropped off the face of the planet.  I don’t want to and I’m clinging onto it for dear fucking life, but it’s had to take the back burner and will for the next couple of months.

But, I need to get some things off my chest:

TL;DR:  Adulting is fucking hard.

Under the read more, is a bit more information!  Commissions are down there too, sooooooo just saying!  You should check it out!!

When I started writing this blog, my brother/roommate had a job.  I didn’t have to break my back for anything and could take my time and answer asks to my leisure.  But then he lost his job - and all financial responsibility fell on me.  Its been pretty fucking busy for me:  I now have a job that I work 8-6 because I like money, I’m running a DnD campaign, and helping my mother start a baking business!  Questions about my sexuality have started popping up, I’ve been thinking about starting a family, and I started caring about my health in more ways than one - I’ve already lost 10 lbs talking to a nutritionist and my GP and I are going over therapy options for me so I don’t go bonkers.  All in all, I’ve been bettering me as a person!

Needless to say, I’ve been pretty fucking stressed.  This hasn’t been anything new since I actually love working under pressure...

But I’ve run into a bit of a snag:  My lease for the apartment is up at the end of June.  I have a few places in mind but would love a little bit of wiggle room and I know if I need it, I can ask my family for help.  But I hate begging for money from people.  So I decided to offer what I do best out to you guys:  Writing.

I don’t know how I’ll do this, really, but I want to try opening up writing commissions.  Personalized writing commissions on whatever you want.  Obviously, certain things are off limits because we’re civilized individuals.  But pretty much anything is fair game.

But Skelly!  What’s a Writing Commission? What does that mean?  

  So in the time that I’ve run this blog, I’ve had plenty of people come to me and ask me to write about their OCs in certain situations with Bakugou.  I’ve turned it down because it’s not really my thing, I didn’t want to risk screwing up your characters - but I’ve thought about it more and more, and I do think I might have the ability to give you guys something that you would be happy with. I want to open up commissions where I write whoever is willing to pay, personalized stories completely and 100% for them.  

Do you want to go to prom with Bakugou and live out your dream of having it take place in the Fall Out Boy “Dance Dance” scene?  Fucking there for you. Do you want Toro to make you those little fucking rolled ice cream treats with Oreos off of his back?  I don’t know why you would want that, seems to be against Health and Safety Protocols but fucking great, I got you judgment-free zone.  Do you want Deku to be your best friend while you go through a haunted house where the theme is swamp monsters?  Well, I hope you got your brown pants and galoshes on cause shit do I got a spook for you!

We’ll discuss the prices based on difficulty and what you’re expecting, but prices will range to about this:

For Non-Smut - you’re basically looking at 1 center ($.01) per word.

$15 - $25 - Up to 2500 words or roughly 5 pages

$26 - $50 - Up to 5000 words or roughly 10 pages

$51 & Up - Up to 10000 words or 20 pages.

For Smut Content - you’re looking at about $1.75 per word!

For the lower range, it’ll be for easier things like simple dates or subjects that I’m knowledgable in.  If I have to do research on things, depending on how much research I have to do, it’ll raise up in price.  But so long as you’re in the word range, you won’t go over the highest price.  For example, if you want me to write 4000 words for your OC and Bakugou in a Far Cry 3 AU with no smut: since I’ve never played Far Cry 3 and would have to look up what happens in the game, you’d be looking at spending about $45 dollars.

What kind of things will you write for, though?

-  Original Content -  Fanfiction -  x Reader -  Smut! (Kinks will be discussed but I honestly don’t judge) -  Non smut! 

Pretty much anything you want!  It doesn’t just have to be BNHA related!  I’ll write about whatever, it doesn’t matter!  Monsters, demons, love, coffee shop AUs, OCs doing crazy shit as wizards?!  The world is quite literally you’re oyster!  No video game character is off limits, no TV show is past my reach!  I have the technology!

What I definitely won’t write:  

-  Incest -  Underage -  I didn’t even do my own homework, so I’m not doing yours either I served my nickel. 

If you have any questions or are interested in getting this process started, let me know by sending me a message:

IM me here on this blog!

Email me:  acara1245@gmail.com

IM me for my discord if you’d feel more comfortable there

I also have a Ko-Fi now!  Want to buy me a coffee or just pop in and say hey?  First of all, bless your fucking heart I live off coffee and I’m so happy you’re came, but you can go here!  

And thank you in advance!  Really.  You guys have literally become my favorite people in the world and I don’t know what I would do without any of you.  You’re all amazingly beautiful people and know that I appreciate every second that you guys spend here.

Thanks so much, everyone!  Love you all! 

- Mod Skelly