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someone just liked this and i realised i haven’t cared about a couple like this since them

so Cat obviously knows. if there isn’t an end of season literal reveal that she knows I will be very upset. 

but I feel like she’s not going to say it, she’s not going to confront Kara about it, she’s just obviously going to very not subtly hint that she knows. because somewhere she feels that this is still Kara’s right and privilege to share or not share with Cat, and also because of Cat’s journalist history and how the story about Adam was exposed without Cat having a choice in the matter. I just feel like she KNOWS how important it is to have boundaries and some stories need to be told by the person whose story it is, and not exposed unlawfully. 

I feel like she’s saying in her own way that she knows, and she respects Kara so much that she still wants to hint at her that she knows because she saw how broken Supergirl(Kara) was on the balcony when she thought she has lost everything. like “I know and I will keep your secret but I’m also here and I know and you can trust me”. 

and maybe she also keeps hinting so frankly because she wants to be able to fuse Kara and Supergirl together for herself, officially and she wants to be able to thank Kara, specifically Kara for everything that she’s done for Cat and National City. she wants Kara to know that she matters to her, both as Supergirl but also as Kara. she’s not just an assistant in Cat’s eyes. and when she thanks her it’s also the first time that Cat says Kara and not Kiera. 

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i was just scrolling on one of the social media platforms when a message popped up saying i was one of several people selected to have a chat with @taylorswift over facetime, it came with a pre-recorded short message saying “hey i just wanted to have a chat with you and ask how you’re doing and maybe show you some stuff from my new album” and it said the video call was gonna be like 7,5 minutes. and my immediate first feeling was pure shock because those kinds of lucky and basically unbelievable things don’t happen to me, and then my second feeling was obvious joy and excitement and then like three seconds later my feeling was a burning sense of shame and guilty conscience, as if i wasn’t worthy of it because i wasn’t a real swiftie and my mind was trying to make an evidence-board like in tv shows and i started to think about how i wanted to start off our call by saying “well y’know i’m two years older than you so i was watching mtv a lot as a teenager when i came home from school and in sweden we also had something called ztv where they played music videos and i would always watch the entirety of you belong with me music video because i thought it was really great and i’ve listened to shake it off i don’t know how many times and your videos when you were on ellen i used to watch on repeat on youtube and i probably know the entire lyrics to the impro song you made with zac efron and i’ve only ever been to two concerts in my entire life: jimmy eat world in like 2011 and the eras tour in stockholm and i’ve watched miss americana several times and whenever something inconvenient happens my mind goes “rip me, rest in peace me, i died dead!” and i think reputation is the best album and i may not be a fan to the extent which others are but as far as myself goes, i really am

and THEN my mind was like wtf, if you’re gonna explain all that then it’s gonna be a really horrible call, which then lead me to feeling guilty about feeling guilty and i was panicking about what to do and then i woke up and

yeah. it was all a dream. and then i realised where i was - living in my ex’s grandparents’ house together with them because my life is such a total mess and i am having suicidal thoughts almost every day at this point to the point of having plans and preparations in my mind for it. and why with my ex’s grandparents? because me and my ex gave up our shared apartment by new years because it was time and sweden is a stupidly long country and it’s too much money for me to be able to move everything home not to mention i have no job or studies or income or saved money because i’ve been in a bad state of mind for years and suicidal for almost a year and i can’t move in with my mom in her apartment even tho she has a spare room - because she is unconsciously so harsh on me and a huge part of my mental issues - and my brother only has a one bedroom apartment and my friends either have partners and kids or have just broken up with their partner and is looking for a new place and i can’t even pay rent anyway and the rent i will eventually have to pay will be much higher than what i’ve been paying the last couple of years

but now it’s taking such a huge toll on my mind to live here momentarily because i have no income, i’m not paying them rent but i am buying my own food and i don’t make a mess after myself, i clean up and i help out when i can, but i accidentally overheard the grandma on a call last week talking to one of her acquintances about me and me living here and the lady on the other end apparently asked how old i am and my ex’s grandma sighed heavy as she said “37” and it was with such a tone of i am too old to be living here and not have my life together - even though i’ve been under the impression that they care about me and that we don’t mind each other’s company, and maybe both things can be true at once but it was such a dagger to the heart, and there’s already plenty of daggers in my heart already like how both me and my ex want to continue on as friends but it’s being completely overshadowed by me having a mental breakdown almost every time i see her and for the last several months and it’s like i can see her pulling away both emotionally and physically which makes sense because i understand it takes a toll of having to comfort someone and worry about them and stepping back and relinquishing responsibility but the more she pulls back the worse i feel , and round and round it goes and gets worse and worse

i’m just. i’m so unbelievably exhausted, i feel like the only thing holding me back from cutting my neck open is i don’t want people to be disappointed in me. i’ve gone through so many traumas in my life, being bullied all through grade 1-9, not as bad in high school but still a clear outside, again at places of work, can barely maintain friendships, probably have some sort of add+autism and am awful at social cues, had cancer, and now my first and only relationship ended it’s like everything is culminating here and i honestly don’t even know how i’m still alive, always feeling like i’m the one that reaches out but am never reached out to

and yet underneath all this trauma i still would like to believe i’m a pretty kind person. which is probably why all of this trauma is turning inwards to wanting to kms because i’d rather silently accept peoples negative opinion of me rather than causing a conflict by saying hey go fuck yourself and standing up for myself

it just really fucking stabbed me to the soul now to realise that all of that has eaten so far into me that now even in my dreams i am afraid of not being enough, of feeling like i’m not deserving of unbelievable things, good things, of feeling like i have to explain myself and excuse myself and justify myself

:(

i am so beyond sad and i am so exhausted and god, i wish i could just have an ounce of belief in myself and an ounce of people caring about me. and i know i’m supposed to care about myself but honestly i can’t care about me if no one else does because i am so fucking broken down that i see no point in going on with existing if it doesn’t matter to anyone else

like imagine if you could bottle 85,000 people being happy just to see you. i sure could use some of that right now. but i guess in the end you have to be happy to see yourself

and i’m just not. but i think i kinda wish i could be. :( but it just feels so fucking impossible. even in my dreams it feels impossible. :(

[feijoaaas]

Just wanted to let you guys know that I’m in a really good place. I’ve never been happier and content. Plus my friend just got a new kitty.

My life is complete

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Corgi on a Carousel

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doES ANYONE ELSE REALIZE THAT WE’RE LIKE, THE FIRST GENERATION ON TUMBLR

GIVE IT 10-15 YEARS AND WE’LL ALL BE GROWN UP AND AN ENTIRE NEW SET OF KIDS WILL BE ON HERE BLOGGING ABOUT COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SHOWS AND BANDS AND MOVIES AND BOOKS

THE ONLY THING THEY’LL STILL BE BLOGGING ABOUT THE SAME AS WE WERE IS DOCTOR WHO

HOPEFULLY

[feijoaaas]

i know this will get zero notes but it’s pretty funny as a swede to read about the Gävlebocken because we don’t use “the” obviously, instead we just stick endings onto words which then indicate if it’s plural or singular etc

for example a christmas tree is “en julgran” where one is en and jul=xmas gran=pine tree, but if we’re talking about a specific one or a singular one it’s julgranen. another example is a dog is hund but the dog is hunden.

so we just say Gävlebocken because it’s the one and only. so reading the Gävlebocken kinda reads like THE ONE AND ONLY YEAH IM TALKING ABOUT THAT ONE MADDAFOOKER HE GETS BURNT BUT HE GETS UP AGAIN YOU KNOW HIM WE ALL KNOW HIM IT’S THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE UNSTOPPABLE, THEEEEEE GÄVLEBOCKEEEN!!!!! like some sort of announcer for the biggest heavy weight boxer champion of them all entering the arena for the match of the century

and it’s just very funny please keep it up :D

[feijoaaas]

Please check out Crow Time on Webtoons.

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Ellie

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"Well, I say we hire a couple'a wranglers to go upstairs and beat the shit out of him." 9 to 5 (1980) dir. Colin Higgins || Costume Design by Ann Roth

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merry crisis

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You're not at all worried that something might happen to Kevin? No, for three reasons: A, I'm not that lucky. Two, we use smoke detectors and D, we live on the most boring street in the whole United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen.

HOME ALONE (1990) dir. Chris Columbus

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christmas eve what about christmas adam

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Santa is on strike due to global warming.  All presents this year will be delivered by Sasha the Christmas Tiger.  Milk and cookies may not be sufficient.

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Home Alone 2: Lost in New York 1992, dir. Chris Columbus

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Traditional Wilfred Mott wearing antlers Christmas post