#sorry I just would feel I'd be remiss if I didn't say that

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

hey. i love you. i’m so glad i follow you. 💜

I'm glad that following me can bring some joy into your life but please remember to guard yourself, dear. You (and most of my followers and even casual friends/acquaintances on here) do not know me. What I show here on tumblr is but one facet of my life. Not to dismiss your kindness, far from it, I just feel I must remind you and everyone that there's only so much you can know someone from social media and not to pour too much love into a stranger.

[moonstruckme]

idk if u listen to taylor swift but her song mastermind (which is kinda like maneuvering things around to get together with someone) would be so cool to read with TASM! Peter !! Maybe the reader realizes Peter is Spiderman after recognizing his voice and then tries her hardest to become Peter’s friend in school and kinda puts all the pieces together herself (+ the line ‘to assess the equation of you’ is so peter coded) also I feel like smart reader deserves more rep 😞 like no way she wouldn’t recognize his cocky ass voice

Again this is just like. Me spilling out my random thoughts 🤭 -🍁 (sorry for spam)

Hi lovely! I didn't stick to this very faithfully, but it did inspire an idea that I'd be remiss not to give you credit for! It's established relationship, where reader has figured out Peter is Spiderman (I agree she's not dumb and that needs to be regonized). Thank you <33

cw: a whiff of harassment (more of an attempt really, but if that will upset you please don't read)

tasm!Spiderman x fem!reader ♡ 1.3k words

It’s hard to feel totally vulnerable walking around the city at night when you know you’re never really by yourself. Peter thinks he’s so stealthy, but he can’t always avoid casting shadows on the street ahead of you; you were bound to catch onto his well-intentioned stalking eventually. You’re not totally sure why he doesn’t just walk you home as himself (you’re coming from his apartment, it’s not like it would have been so difficult to ask), but your boyfriend seems to prefer stepping into his alter-ego when he thinks there’s any possibility for danger. 

It turns out this time, he was right.

It’s not that you don’t see the man walking in the opposite direction of you (you’d have to be blind to miss the slow, performative up-down he gives you) or notice his mouth moving in your periphery, but you’re city-trained; you keep your eyes ahead, hoping he’ll see that you’ve got your earbuds in and leave you alone when he doesn’t get the attention he wants. 

The man passes you, and you’re thinking you’re in the clear when there’s a forceful tug on your elbow. You very nearly pitch forward in your haste to get away from the unwelcome touch, but then the hand is wrenched away, and you turn to find the man stuck to a newspaper dispenser with one wrist covered in a familiar white filmy substance. A second later, and his other hand is webbed to the car behind him. 

You pull out your earbuds just as Spiderman lands in front of you, the tilt of his head indicating that he’s looking you over for damage. 

“Hey, what the fuck!” The man sputters. “I was just trying to pay the bitch a compliment—”

“Alright, thanks for that, pal.” Spiderman webs his mouth shut, and your harasser continues his muffled protests. “Maybe we just have different styles, but most of my compliments don’t start with unsolicited commentary on a stranger’s boobs.” 

You curl your lip, and the man looks like a dog on its leash the way he’s tugging against his restraints. Your rescuer webs his feet in place, stopping their scraping against the sidewalk.

“You know,” he says, turning to you, and he’s not even trying to disguise his voice, “you should really have at least one earbud out if you’re walking by yourself at night. That’s just the first entry in the Pretty Girl Guidebook.” 

You grin at him. “I think the first entry in the Pretty Girl Guidebook would really advocate more for playing damsel in distress to lure charming heroes your way. Walk me home, handsome?” 

You start back on your way, and he follows you like it’s all he knows how to do. He’s quiet, and though you can’t see his expression behind the mask, you wonder if you’ve actually startled Spiderman into silence. If he expects you to be bashful and awestruck, he’s got another thing coming; you’re typically a bit shy around new people, but Peter isn’t new people. 

“Yeah?” he asks after a second, and you wonder if you’d be able to detect the slight pitchiness to his voice if you didn’t know it so well. “So was that the plan all along? Get yourself attacked to get yourself rescued?” 

“No.” You shrug, casting a disdainful glance back toward the man who’d grabbed you. “I don’t go out looking for trouble, but I know that if it finds me,” you say, looking up into the mask with a simpering smile, “I’ve got Brooklyn’s friendly neighborhood hero to protect me.” 

You think he actually gulps. “I’m flattered you think so highly of me, sweetheart, but you really should take some precautionary measures too.” 

“Well, I suppose I could’ve asked my boyfriend to walk home with me,” you muse, “but he seemed like he was eager to have me gone. Better things to do, apparently.”

“What?” It’s a squawk, and then Peter clears his throat from behind the mask. “I’m sure if your boyfriend’s a sensible guy—which, I mean, anyone who managed to snag a girl like you must not be totally airheaded—I’m sure he didn’t mean to rush you off.” 

“I don’t know.” You frown, looking off in front of you contemplatively. “He’s book smart for sure, but he can be kind of dense sometimes.” You can feel your companion’s hesitation like a prickle at your side, his uncertainty of how to go about this conversation with you, and it catches him offguard when you stop to look up at him with coy, wide eyes. “Do you think you’re a sensible guy?”

His voice is strangled. “Me?”

“Mhm,” you hum, slowly moving into his space. 

“I—I like to think so, sure.” 

It’s all you can do not to giggle at how easily his cocky persona has come undone. You’re having too much fun to even feel bad about the torment you’re inflicting upon your boyfriend. “Maybe I should be with you, then,” you say. 

He actually takes a step back. “But—but—uh, listen, you’re really pretty, but didn’t you say you had a boyfriend?” 

“Yeah,” you say softly, batting your eyelashes up at him, “what about him?”

You’ve got your hands on his shoulders, lips so close to his face you can feel the warmth of his breath through the mask, and you actually think he’s going to do it. He’s going to let you kiss him. You shove playfully at his chest, unable to contain your laughter anymore.

“Pete, c’mon,” you say, careful to keep your voice low. “You must think I’m an idiot. You really thought I wouldn’t recognize you?”  

There’s a few moments of wordless sputtering which you can’t really hold against him, and then Peter’s whisking you into an alley, pulling his mask off. 

“Sorry for fucking with you,” you say while he’s still getting his bearings. He runs a hand through his hair, eyes wide. “It was just so easy to flirt back. You made it too much fun for me.” 

“Jesus, babe.” Peter fists a hand in his hair, already fluffy from being handled so much. “When did you figure it out?” 

“I mean, before today, but not very long ago,” you admit. “I knew something was up for a lot longer, but I didn’t put it together until you helped me with that mugger a few weeks ago.” You quirk a playful eyebrow. “You should at least try to distort your voice if you’re going to be Spiderman around people who know you in real life, you know.” 

“Never had to with Flash,” he mutters. “Why didn’t you say anything to me?”

You turn a bit more sheepish, unsure if you should feel guiltier about keeping your realization from him. To be fair, though, he’d kept a whole crime-fighting secret identity from you. “Is there ever a right time?” you ask him with a little shrug. “I guess I eventually wanted you to tell me on your own. I get why you didn’t, but it’s not like you’re exactly choosing to trust me here.” 

“I do,” Peter says immediately. He takes your shoulder in hand, like he needs to keep you steady to make sure you’re hearing him. “I do trust you, honey. It was never about trust.” He passes a hand over his face, shock melding into something more like dread. “It just, it could be dangerous for you, if you’re ever seen with me and it's obvious you know who I am, or something. I didn’t want to drag you into anything. There are…not everyone thinks of me as the friendly neighborhood hero you do.” 

He gives you a little smile, and you return it, stroking his jaw in an attempt at comfort. “I know,” you say softly. 

“We’re going to have to be careful.” 

“I know. Pete?” 

“Yeah?”

“If we’re being careful, you should probably put your mask back on.” 

[nobody-lll]

Do you play games?

Hi!! Thx for asking!

Sorry that it took me a while to respond. For some reason, this went through 2 or 3 drafts, so it took a bit for me to finalize what exactly I wanted to say. Also, I apologize that it turned out as long as it did, especially when it really didn't need to be 😅. A good 3-4 sentences, or honestly, even just a simple yes or no, probably would have sufficed.

So, before I actually answer the question, I'm assuming that by "games," you mean specifically video games. I apologize if this is an entirely incorrect interpretation. You see, when it comes to stuff like this, I am actually really stupid.

Anyway, with all that out of the way, yes! I do indeed play video games. While I'm down to play just about anything, my absolute favorite games tend to have captivating art direction (Hollow Knight/Gris), engaging worldbuilding (Elden Ring/Bloodborne), engrossing vibes/atmosphere (Demon's Souls/Breath of the Wild), and/or a compelling cast of characters (Hades/Stardew Valley/Armored Core VI).

If I can get emotionally invested in at least one of these aspects, chances are that I'm gonna fall in love with that game, despite whatever faults it may have (Dark Souls II). Additionally, while not mandatory, a great soundtrack can go a long way too (Chrono Trigger/Mario Galaxy). Adding a song to my playlist definitely helps a game stick with me for a lot longer (Guilty Gear).

It doesn't so much matter to me if a game is "fun" either. While fun games (Smash Bros/Mario Kart/co-op games in general) are fun in their own right, it's not entirely necessary in order for me to love a game. I'd be remiss not to mention this, seeing as how it has clearly and undeniably shaped what games I gravitate towards, but I 've struggled with deppresion for over 5-ish years, so having fun can be a bit challenging at times, especially in the context of a single player video game, which is most of what I play. Heck, I would say, with the exception of Hollow Knight and Mario Oddyssey, that I kinda struggle to have a genuinely good time playing any of the games in my top 10 anymore. Dont get me wrong! They have there moments of course, but it's just not the main draw.

Also, not sure if you, or anyone else for that matter, are curious, but my top 7 video games, in no particular order, are Bloodborne, Gris, Dark Souls I, Dark Souls II, Hollow Knight, Elden Ring, Armored Core VI. These are the 7 games that are a straight 10/10 to me. They're all more or less tied for first. Not sure if I could realistically pick a favorite or least favorite out of them. As you can tell, I tend to like games that are kinda depressing.

And, I think that's about it. I could definitely keep going, but I think I'll end it here. I feel like I'd be disrespecting your time if I kept going.

Anyway, just wanna say thank you if you read this far.!! Hope this answered your question : )

[misc-obeyme]

I have so many thoughts. SO MANY THOUGHTS.

Spoilers for Lesson 20 under the cut.

From a storytelling standpoint, Lesson 20 was kind of underwhelming for me. It was kinda boring.

Everything is totally resolved and then we have a party? And MC is given the completely pointless title of Devilsitter? And the Celestial Realm is just like yeah okay see ya.

Seriously, Diavolo? Everybody knows you just made that up. Also why did they have to give him that goofy hat? I think this would've been a little more impactful if he'd been in demon form, you know? Anyway...

It felt like we went through all of that for a whole lot of nothing.

It also feels like they want to tell a more complicated story and that's why this whole separate app situation began. But then they were like well we wanna keep some of the overall vibe, so it still has to have seasons and the first one still has to be twenty lessons. Like they should've just scrapped that and let the story play out how needs to. Because I felt like they were just putting filler in there so that they could extend the Nightbringer part of the story into the next season.

All that aside, though, there were things I did enjoy about the lesson, mostly involving the usual character shenanigans.

Sometimes it really feels like Simeon is just always on the outside, longing to be part of this family. He loves them so much he's willing to sacrifice his own standing to help them, but he also knows he's not part of them. We already knew this of course, considering he does exactly that in the OG to make sure MC gets to stay with them. I just feel like Simeon is so selfless. And it's kind of heartbreaking? I just want to hug him.

And oh, my sweet precious Barbatos... if you choose him to escort you, he says some amazing things.

YES. TAKE ME. I'M READY.

Is this the fancy butler way of saying I love you? Don't misunderstand, I am so soft for sweet kisses to the back of someone's hand, but if you think that's gonna cut it, sir, I really need you to try harder.

What can I say, I just want Barbatos to profess his undying love. I want him to break his butler persona and spill his heart out. I want him to actually tell us exactly how he feels and what he's been through and how hard it must have been to live the way he has for so long with the power of time and space at his fingertips. Ugh. Okay, sorry I'm getting off track here. We already know I could probably write another couple of essays about Barbatos aside from the one I've already written lol.

I would be remiss if I didn't talk about Solomon in this lesson, too...

I thought this was an interesting reaction from him when MC asks him to be the brothers' ally. Like yeah, obviously not against the human world, but this was about keeping the brothers in the Devildom? I'm trying not to read too much into it since it could just be that they wanted to make it seem like MC was the one who convinced everybody and stuff. Like okay whatever!

But truly the best Solomon moment was if MC chooses him to give them the "special emblem."

SOLOMON. My stupid wizard loving heart can't take it when you say stuff like this!

And then the forehead kiss, I was just like this is so soft and sweet I'm losing my miiiiind.

What can I say about it other than it was great? Of course I went back and chose all the options. Having Diavolo or Lucifer give you the emblem is pretty sweet, too. But there is just something next level about it being Solomon because of the whole master/apprentice thing, but also because he's the only one who knows what you're really going through. I just really love him, okay?

Lastly, I have to say I was a bit surprised with Mephisto in this lesson... he's starting to grow on me.

Mephisto! I'm pretty sure that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me!

For once, I agreed with him. Also, if it was actually me, I'd be like your arguments are pointless because my last dance is going to be with Thirteen.

I was expecting a little more after the end credits, but it was just a repeat of those weird Nightbringer lines from one of the earlier lessons... I can't remember which one it was. I was really expecting Nightbringer to make a final appearance, but nope.

The hard lesson completely blew my mind, though. I have to make a separate post just for that.

In the end, this lesson had some good parts, but it definitely just felt like filler because they needed to end the season. We're not getting any real answers until next season, apparently. I swear if I have to wait for a season three for some decent answers, I will be flipping tables.

Of course, I'm really just here for the hot anime characters so... I'll just go back to simping as soon as I'm done table flipping lol.

[majorasnightmare]

36 and 37 if theyve not been asked ALSO custom ask but how would dirge respond if the PC asked them about their urges?

picking dirge up from visiting like hi did you have fun did rhys get you anything new to play with. an ipad with the entire saw franchise on it? well make sure you said THANK YOU okay.

and then i put a brick on the gas pedal when i step out the car and it careens off a cliff. thankies for dialogue enablingggg 💜

36. What are some situational dialogues they would say when something happens to another companion or you talk to them while in a quest-specific location (such as commenting on Karlach's heart, Elminster visiting Gale, visiting Cazador's mansion, etc)?

GOD THERE ARE SO MANY OF THESEEE i'll just pick one and then do another one for repeats sjdjsjfjd. i think ill bully raphael today

[player has met Raphael and finished his introduction cutscene]

"Out of all the devils to take interest... Maybe it's just my pride, but I'd like to think we warrant more than just a cambion, don't you agree? Or at least one a little less fond of the sound of his own voice."

37. How would they respond to a player character prompting them with, "Tell me about yourself"?

I answered this one in the first round of doing these!! here you gooo MWAH ✨🎉

Custom: How would Dirge respond to a PC asking about their Urges?

[note: exclamation flag triggers after first combat encounter with humanoid enemies]

>"Are you... okay? You seem... Twitchy."

"I- hm. I think. Yes, I'm alright. Sorry."

"Listen, when you have a moment, I think there's something I should discuss with you."

>"You wanted to talk?"

"Yes, I-. I think it's important. Ever since the Nautiloid I've... I've had this. Sensation."

>"Sensation?"

"Mm. Yes. As if... as if I've been wandering. Lost in a mire of fog, that dragged me down by the ankles."

"I attributed it to my... condition. But now... Ever since... Ever since that fight. I- I don't know quite how to describe it."

"It's like I've. Come alive, again. Watching the life, leave those people's eyes, feeling the blood spatter across my hands... *longing sigh* The unspooling of gore from their carcasses..."

[Dirge shakes the images from his head snappily]

"I didn't want it to stop. No, more than that, I was... compelled to continue it. For a brief moment, our shared struggle meant nothing to me and I had this.... this Urge to- to kill. To kill and keep killing."

"Listen, I haven't the faintest clue what's going on, with our tadpoles or the Nautiloid, or any of this. But I'd be remiss in our comaraderie if I didn't forewarn you. Just... Just, um. Keep an eye out. And a dagger close, is all."

>"How are you feeling? Are your urges any better?"

"Ah, um. N-no. No they aren't. I'm-I'm keeping it together though. Nothing overwhelming, just yet. I've got it under control. I do."

[bluberimufim]

Writerly questionaire

I was tagged by @xenascribbles (read its post here btw!!) and I've been wanting to do it for a while (it's been so long ago, I'm sorry!!!) because it sounds interesting. Unfortunately, it's long and I am NOT concise.

I'll just leave the tags here: @squarebracket-trickster, @full-on-sam, @olliexwrites, @macabremoons, and @cheeto-flavoured-pasta + anyone else who wants to join!!

About me:

When did you first start writing?

I think I've mentioned this before, but I started writing in 5th/6th grade to kind of codify the lore and story of my friend group's playground activities (because a series of drawings was just not cutting it). Then, we collectively found out I enjoyed it and my friends started asking for fanfics of books we all liked.

Are the general themes you read different from the ones you write?

I don't really go out looking for the themes of a story, I usually focus on interesting plots or characters when I'm shopping for books (I know themes inform story and characters but you know what I mean). Also most themes in my stories are 100% a posteriori (DoS was my first time having themes in mind as I was writing). I usually write the 1st draft and go "oh shit, a theme".

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (room, coffee shop, desk, etc)

I mostly write in my room, usually sitting on my bed because I hate chairs. But I would be remiss if I didn't mention my college's big auditorium, specifically during boring architectural theory lessons. Any project of mine has been at least 30% written during class time, I can assure you.

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

I go for a Really Long Walk while listening to music. And fun fact: I've had to make my walks bigger because of this, because when I'm having Thoughts I start speedwalking like a crazy person and it was genuinely shortening my Idea Time because I got home too quickly.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

I wouldn't say it's a 1 to 1 thing, but I think the environments in our lives always afects us. In terms of the places I write about, I think my fascination with circuses and magic shows (from which came B&W) stems from the fact that there are no good ones around here. The ones from my childhood were genuinely so lame. But I think mostly it's the way I was raised? My parents are artists and they've made a point of showing me all kinds of art since, like... ever, and I feel like it really influenced me as a person and, therefore, my writing.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

A few years back, I noticed a tendency in my main characters to feel a great sense of nostalgia towards the past, in a way? There was a very prevalent sense of "things were ok at a previous point in my life but not now and I wanna go back". I don't really understand where this came from tho.

My characters:

Would you please tell me about your favorite character? (Current wip, past wip, never used)

I am, on every level, deeply insane about every single named character in DoS. But mainly Seth and General Fallin. I just think they're really interesting. I particularly like the general, mostly because I have almost no chances to write about him, while Seth is the POV character. There's just something about the different perceptions of his actions that are integral his character as a general in a war setting, as well as his inherent hypocrisy in constantly stating how much he cares for his people and being more than willing to commit atrocities for them. Idk, he's got that Nuance.

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

Probably Reyna, from B&W. When I first wrote her, I was her age and tried to create someone who I'd like to hang out with.

Which of your characters would you dislike most in real life?

I already despise Nester from the dystopia WIP and he's not even real. And also, I think Diedrich would be insufferable irl.

Tell me about the process of coming up with one, all, or any of your characters.

Most of them kinda start out as concepts. For example, Seth came to be because "healer that takes the life of everything around them for power" sounded like a cool idea. Sometimes they're informed by characters I like or historical figures: Viktor is loosely based on Robespierre, Lucille is vaguely inspired by Cio-Cio San, General Fallin has some faint hints of Griffith, etc.

Do you notice any themes/traits about your characters?

I've noticed that every single one of my 4 WIPs has the extremely specific trope of an older character using the protagonist as a replacement for their dead loved one (usually their child, but sometimes disciple or younger sibling) and projecting onto them. I have no clue where tf this came from but it feels like something a psychoanalyst would greatly enjoy.

How do you picture them?” (as real people you imagined/as models/actors that exist in real life/as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc)

I actually picture all my characters in my artstyle!! Actually, I "see" most of the worlds in my stories through my own artstyle!

My writing:

What’s your reason for writing?

You see, I have all of these ideas. They are just lying around. And, as I said before, just drawing them isn't gonna cut it.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

On what is actually my least-read fic on ao3, a person left me a multiple paragraphs-long comment about how they would be thinking about that fic for years, that I wrote the characters as "canon but better", that they would read any other fics I posted in the future, and that they made an account to leave said comment. I'm not saying that this is the only type of comment I enjoy, but it has really stuck with me for the past year and when I read it I kinda wanna cry. So. I guess that.

How do you want to be thought of by those that read your work? (for example, as a literary genius, or as a writer who “gets” the human condition as a talented worldbuilder, or a role model, etc)

I've always wanted to be one of those writers that just really Gets the human mind, you know? Like, I've read stories where my regular person brain was going through all sorts of Things while my writer brain kept shouting "THIS MAKES SENSE!! THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!!", and that's who I want to be. (I feel like I'm not expalining myself correctly???) This is kind of a tangent, but I've read/watched stories so good that I was left just literally Sitting There, my thoughts completely silent, literally incapable of being a functioning human being for about an hour because my brain just wouldn't come down from the story. And that's my goal in life <3

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Probably my character building.

What have you frequently been told your greatest writing strength is by others?

My story ideas/concepts. Like settings and worldbuilding and such.

How do you feel about your writing? (answer in whatever way you interpret that question)

Overall, I like it! I spent a long time working to a point where I can actually enjoy my own work. And I'm obviously not saying it's perfect. No one sees more flaws in it than me (bc I virtually never show it to anyone), but I won't say it's bad to sound better. I'm having fun, dammit!

If you were the last person on earth, and knew that your writing would never be read, would you still write?

I would still have stories to write even if there was no one to show them to. I would still draw and sing without an audience too. Because my art is, at its core, for me. It's a need.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

I used to consider what others might like, and I still kinda do sometimes because my main beta reader is my MOM, but I've mostly let it go tbh. After draft 2 of B&W I shouted "I'M NEVER WRITING ROMANCE AGAIN!!!" and here we are. At the end of the day, I'm writing mostly to have fun, so I should be able to do whatever I want.

That was fun!! I love questionaires/this interview format thingy. Makes me feel fancy.

If you're made it all the way down here, hiiii <3<3<3<3<3<3 sorry for never shutting up and not being concise. It will happen again.

[tastylemonbread]

body horror and erotic writing under cut. also its long

I'd been living on my own for seven months. When I'd left my old job, my boyfriend split to find someone who could stand on her own two legs. I had to move, sell some old things to keep myself afloat. This new place was nice but it felt like a prison. I think I could hear water splashing around inside the walls when it rained. I was on the second floor of a block of apartments in the siren song part of town, right next to the highway. Rain would soak the concrete of the hall outside my place.

Thunder strikes and takes out my power for a minute or so. Before I can find a battery powered lantern, the lights come back on and someone is knocking at my door. Through the peephole I see who it is... she looks better than when I had last seen her. I crack the door open and ask what she's doing here. "Just wanted to see how you were, I was just in the area," that velvet voice, like honey down my ears I thought I would never hear again. I lie to her that things have been good, and offer her to come in to recover from the rain. She shook her umbrella to relieve it of some rain and placed it beside the door. As she steps into the light of my home, her raincoat seems to glow. She looks plainly angelic.

She slips off the coat and speaks again, "I've heard murmmers of what you've been up to," she takes off her boots and sits upright in a recliner by the couch. I sink into the couch and she gives me a smile warmer than sun, "I'm sorry to hear about your partner, and your having to move. I had always worried about you, but you seem to have things handled nicely now." She puts one leg over the other and leans into the armrest, placing her slim chin in her hands. "Do you have tea? Coffee?" I tell her I have a kettle stowed away somewhere in a cabinet, and I'd be happy to make some tea if she would also have some. "Lovely," she says. Lovely. Her gaze sends fire to my heart, keeping an eye contact with me that bores through to the back of my skull.

I find the kettle above the fridge and grab a couple tea bags. As I click on a burner, she makes a small commotion behind me, some sliding and thumping. "I've been promoted. Not a big bump in pay, but it comes with good benefits." The kettle breathes gently. "I can put in a good word for you, probably get you hired for some position higher than when we worked together," now she's in the kitchen with me and she leans against the counter into my field of view as I look for the right mugs. I tell her I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting any guests. She picks a mug for herself, one with a fox painted on it. "It's alright, I didn't exactly announce my visit." She pauses for a moment, looking into her empty cup before placing a teabag fully into it. "Besides, I like to see people as they are, not how they present. I realize that sounds odd."

By now the kettle is screaming. She goes to turn off the heat the same time I do, bumping me before laying her palm over the back of my hand. The stove clicks off, and she puts her other hand on my waist, turning me to face her. "You don't talk much, that's alright, you can just listen. I want you, I want you to love life, I want your life to be good. I've already convinced my supervisors, you'll have a job as long as you accept the interview." She removes her hand from my waist and pours the kettle into our cups. I don't know what to say, my guts feel like hot coals. She leans back against the counter and stares into me as she blows into her cup.

"It's rather out of the way, we'd have to take a plane... And I'd be remiss to let you go without me." She steeps her teabag, which reminds me my hands are on fire around my mug. "Let me get that for you," She sets down hers and deftly takes up mine, setting them side by side on the counter. She takes my hands in hers and looks into me. "You're burning up." I am. "Your ears are red." They are. I want to be hers.

She releases my hands and wraps her arms around me, pressing our bodies together. She moves in for a kiss and I can't think. As my eyes drift closed she keeps hers open, running her fingers through my hair. She pulls away. "Let's see your bed." I tell her we should see my bed. "Sounds lovely."

She drops me into my sheets and unbuttons my shirt, running her hands up my neck, keeping herself clothed, keeping me held down. "You're gorgeous" She tells me. I'm gorgeous. "Your skin is so soft." My skin is lovely. "I want to feel all of you." Sounds lovely. All I can do is pant, my higher brain function completely consumed by her. My peripheral vision turns to fog, all I see is her. "I want you. I want all of you," She pulls off my bra, snapping the hooks around the back and places a hand under one of my breasts. "I need all of you," she says as she pushes Her hand into me, between my ribs, molding my skin like clay, bone like plastic. It doesn't hurt. She wouldn't hurt me. "That's right, I love you.

I feel myself warp. I feel bones inside me break painlessly, lovingly. She now has two hands inside me, pulling apart my ribcage, exposing my innards to the open air. "You're beautiful," She tells me as Her smile seems to split Her face in two. I love Her. She loves me. She stares into me, She places two thumbs on my neck and pulls me apart. I love Her. She slips a hand up into my throat, and I feel Her nails scrape against me. She drags them back down me, and for just a moment I feel pain. My mind numbs again. Her clothes seem to melt into Her. She intertwines our fingers, and I feel my skin meld with Hers. A chill runs down my body. I love Her. "Give me everything." I will give Her everything. She runs a nail down my stomach, freeing more of me to Her. She opens Her mouth, and skin tears along Her middle, revealing shards of bone and ribs placed along like teeth, and I see into Her and it seems to go on for miles. She's raw, She's real. She's gorgeous.

She places an especially thin hand flat on my face and I feel Her fingers fuse with my flesh, Her bones and nails melting into my skull. My vision fades completely. She's taken my eyes, taken them into Herself. I love Her. I feel my skull soften, turn to rubber, and pull itself apart into Her. The meat of my head rubs against my brain, and everything starts to hurt, everything starts to burn with pain, searing unbearable. I don't love her. Oh my god I don't even know her, fuck, she's torturing me, she's consuming me, I had a whole life and I'm giving it to Her, and She's gorgeous. I love Her. My limbs are stick thin. She pulls me into Her, skin scraping against those jagged teeth inside Her. I'm going to become a part of Her. I'm going to give all of myself to Her, become Her. Become Her. I love Her. I love you.

[discocandles]

Danger verse characters and their favorite super bowl show.

Firstly, our titular bitchular himself, Henry Hart:

Henry would say Bruno mars, but couldn't tell you anything about the performance other than "it's cool". He could be talking about the Coldplay show which both Beyoncé and Bruno mars were in, but he could also just really like the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

(Note: credit for titular bitchular goes to Athena P. Thanks for the notable quotable queen)

Next up, and needing financial compensation for This bullshit, Charlotte Page:

Charlotte's favorite performance is Prince, and she shouldn't have to explain herself on that, as it is one of of not the best halftime show ever. Beyoncé is a close second, as it is one of the only other ones she believes comes close.

Third, our lovable buckethead, Jasper Dunlop:

Jasper knows most all of the halftime shows, and it's a tie between Lady Gaga and Madonna for him, which somehow surprised some people thinking he'd say Katy Perry). He responds to those allegations with "fair, but she didn't impress me. Madonna and Lady Gaga impressed me. In both spectacle and singing."

Up next, Wait are you causing daddy issues? You're not even a father, Ray Manchester:

So I was thinking *NSYNC and Aerosmith, but then I remembered, and the answer is obvious. Ray's favorite halftime is Janet Jackson, and it's not just for the controversial part, surprisingly. But it does help it be the favorite. It definitely helps.

(Note: listen if you have no clue what I'm talking about, that's fair. The performer had a wardrobe malfunction and the nfl basically tore down her career after. Look it up.)

Next, sorry, you did fuckin what now?, Schwoz:

So unlike canon, I will be kind-ish to schwoz, and say his favorite is The blues brothers(and he likes the movie too), and he likes the aged rockers era. Source: schwoz's outfit in the bttf ripoff.

Behold, our iconic queen: Piper Hart

Beyoncé, easy. No one may speak to her when Beyoncé's performance at the super dome is playing. And I'd be remiss not to mention that Piper was foaming at the mouth over Rihanna's performance. But it doesn't beat Beyoncé.

Disclaimer: I've watched 5 episodes of danger force max. I love the four kids' vibes but can't find the episodes anywhere. So with that said,Its time to go into unknown territory:

Wow this girl's more scrambled than my scrambled fucking eggs, Mika Macklin:

Shakira & J. Lo. I feel like Mika's really likes Spanish music(I dunno she just gives me that vibe), and the vibes of the shakira & j lo show is just a bunch of fun and I think that's what draws her to it.

Ah yes the boy, Bose o'Brian. I have no other way to describe him:

Listen, Left Shark who forgot their choreography resonates with Bose. Also the amount of brightly colored spectacle and "I forgot Katy Perry did that in the show." seems very Bose to me.

Up next, the one I feel like I know the least about, Miles Macklin:

so miles feels like he'd take the easiest answer that takes little to no explanation. So I think it'd be the hip-hop medley with dr. Dre & co, bc all you really need to know is that it was about damn time.

Wait, this isn't my snarky lesbian bff? Fr?, Chapa de Silva:

I was tempted to say that Chapa doesn't care about super bowl halftimes, but that's quitter talk. Her favorite is Bruce Springsteen, and she will sometimes quote it when fighting or after a fight and no one knows why bolt is talking about guacamole. but if it's 3am and she wants to watch something stupid, Chapa would watch the Indiana Jones show(yes that exists and it's as bad as you think it is).

[daincrediblegg]

Because I was re-watching silence of the lambs earlier, and the scene came where Clarice was being stared at by all male police officers whom were not receptive to what she said, regardless of the fact she was there to do a job, let alone fbi, in addition to information purposefully being kept from her, despite being tasked to help in solving the case, I was of course reminded of what u said abt Lady T. and how the men on board the ship were not at all keen on having her with them, if not frightened of her presence due to superstition, save for Blanky and Francis being some of the few that treat her with the respect she deserves yknow.

With that being said it did make me curious as to whether or not she would b included in the meetings Sir John has with his team (Francis, Jfj, Blanky, etc) not to mention how her presence would b perceived by those at the table as it is very much something that was unprecedented at the time.

oh man it's REALLY funny you mention that movie in particular- I just watched that again recently for this Gothic Novels Seminar that I took just this past semester( and I'd be remiss to say that it didn't heavily influence a lot of the thought-work I did initially for her- among other things). And actually I did a whole essay on gothic couplings (romantic and not so much- and the lines blurred between them)- and argued why it's one of the few literary genres that affords women agency when it's written with a strictly romantic lens in mind (sorry my dear EAP, on whom I gave the lecture of my fucking life, but you don't win at this actually).

Anyway I digress- the shortest answer I can give without getting too terribly long-winded about telling all without actually writing the damn thing - is yes, she's included, but BARELY, and not given much thought despite her earned (and it was EARNED, but also HAD to be given) position. And actually, from the start it's one of the things that draws Francis and LT to each other- because actually (and this would be part of a larger essay on Crozier, had I less brain fog and more time), I see a lot of Clarice in Francis. In a very similar way, the way the anti-Irish sentiment towards him in particular manifests in the way a lot of characters treat him, is very similar to those very scenes in which Clarice is surrounded by men who dismiss and discredit her. Francis has to face a lot of the same stuff- even though we only really know with the benefit of hindsight that he was actually 100% right about what their strategy should have been, but regardless. He's dismissed by Sir John as speculative and alarmist (and a drunkard- which is another byproduct of Irish oppression under imperial rule) when he actually does have better credentials for arctic AND antarctic survival. James dismisses him as melodramatic. Hickey (as well as a good laundry list of others) don't even fully take his orders as seriously- and it could very well likely be because of this, reinforced by the dismissive attitude that his other two commanders took. And at least where my line of thought with Lady Terror is concerned... seeing someone else go through the same thing... tends to light a fire under people. Make them want to support each other in spite of potential consequences. And there are really only two other people on these ships that I feel would be able to understand that it's just the same imperialistic mindset projected onto another arbitrarily and unjustly perceived by said imperialistic mindset as lesser. One of them by direct understanding, and the other because he's a wise old goat who has seen this happen to people he adores before and understands.

[shyspider]

I appreciate it, but I like reading your writing. I just need to work up to read *spicy* chapters. Which, because I haven't read in a while and haven't been 100% myself, I can't currently do, unfortunately 😔

Plus, my memory is shot enough that I am gonna end up rereading both books so I can tell clearly what's going on, lol. I do love authors like you who make the *spice* optional, and I do tend to take that option quite often, but I will readily admit its typically with far more /human/ characters that I do so with. History and all that, lol.

It's just been a really funky time, and a more physically taxing job is making my poor immune system laugh maniacally. With how companies tend to ask that you essentially work yourself to death, I have been making poor decisions. As in, continuing to go in to work, despite the fact that I am immediately going to bed sick every time I get home. I got sent home today because being too dizzy to stand properly still, whilst simultaneously having absolutely zero thermoregulation, is not good when working in a warehouse. Sorry for dumping in your inbox, same as when I am too excited, I am currently lacking social awareness of if this is appropriate or not.

Having said that, sorry again for just dumping all this on you, I am so far out kf it that I really don't even know if I am properly awake or not.

~Smooch

Social awareness be damned. I may overstep here, but I'll regret it more if I don't share with you something personal about me. What you said is a little triggering, because I nearly worked myself to death for a company that didn't care about my health. It sounds like you're burning out, if not already burnt out. Not trying to diagnose anything, but what you're saying sounds very familiar.

I'm going to ramble under the cut. Let's dump on each other, together.

It sounds crazy, but most of what you've said sounds like what I went through with my last job. It burned me out to where I was a completely different person. I lost interest in the things that made me happy and I stopped caring about my health. I had chronic ocular migraines, constant stomach pains, and I hated myself. I was not in a good mental space. I was burnt out.

No one gave me the help I needed or told me what to look for, or what was available to me. No one told me about FMLA, or medical leave, or mental health leave. No one told me about health programs to help my autoimmune disorder, or what a toxic work environment was. I didn't know buzzwords like 'harassment' and a 'hostile workplace'. I'd call off, but no one would cover my work, give me shit for being sick all the time, and I never wanted to kick up a fuss because I didn't think I could. I'd sob in my car, both heading to work and leaving. There were so many things I should've done. I had to quit, because it was either my life or my job. I was lucky I had some people to financially help me in between.

This may not be the same for you, but what does sound similar is that you're not thinking of yourself, first. I've made poor decisions and all those choices led up to letting myself get bad. It took 4 years to undo all that. I can go months without a migraine, now. I'm finally in remission. I see a therapist. I actually love myself and feel better and doing the things that interest me. (There are always problems here and there, but nothing like before)

Try your best to make the changes to protect future you. I don't know what kind of company you work for, but learn your options. Protect yourself. If you're able to see a doctor for a chronic condition, get FMLA to protect yourself and your paycheck. See if you are able to take a mental health leave, if you need it. See what EPA programs are available to you. Human Resources (which most companies have) is required to give you this information, but you have to request it. You said you work in a warehouse? Know your rights. My bet, OSHA will have your back.

Take care of yourself now so you don't have to spend years putting yourself back together, later. There is literally only one of you in this world, and you are precious and unique and loved. You don't need to respond. Get some rest. Listen to some music. Think about things.

[critfumbled]

Hi! I'd honestly love to talk about Akira because there's no one I know who even knows what it is :') Excuse the long rant, but I guess my main issues with the movie were:

Kaneda was so ready to kill his (basically) brother even though 10 minutes before he was essentially ready to die to save him

The fact that it appeared to me that Akira was most powerful being and all the other children were just trying to replicate him, but the government tabled him away? I see no need to rip Akira apart because they wanted to use him. Was it for later? Surely Tetsuo going apeshit qualified the use of Akira

The worldbuilding was a struggle for me because it seemed like the children (and Akira) were basically gods with absolutely no rules or limitations to their power. it seemed to me like all of them could manipulate time, space, and matter, so there wasn't anything that made each special or more powerful than the other

the kids really sacrificed themselves for a random teenager they didn't know, despite the fact that they seemed to follow the goverment and the government were clearly trying to take down Tetsuo

what's to stop this scenario from happening again, because the government could totally make another Tetsuo/Akira and the entire story can just repeat itself. other than city damage and deaths, there were really no consequences because it's not like the entire government died. This seems like a small part of a bigger story that was left unfulfilled

I didn't understand Ryu's role, as seemed like he was working with the government but Kei was pretty confident he was working with their freedom group? was he working both sides? his side of the story and his goals weren't clear to me

I do know that the pills have a big role in the manga (Kaneda's jacket) but the way they were just mentioned in the movie, it gave Tetsuo a lot of power, then was never explained bothered me.

Also this is totally a personal thing but one of my biggest book/movie pet peeves is when everyone knows something, but they're just using the vaguest terms to describe it to not let the audience know. not between Tetsuo and Kaneda , but between the military, all the scientists, and the kids, they kept just saying the VAGUEST terms for Akira to not let the audience know even though they all knew what they were talking about and that just grinds my gears because it's a way to build false tension instead of naturally letting it build up

I'm sorry for doing a super long ask, but I can't reply to people on my tumblr :/ but yeah those were my issues. I appreciated the art and the music slapped though, and I appreciate how it pioneered certain animation tropes, but overall I was super confused the entire movie

I want to start by saying that basically everything you mention here is expanded upon within the Manga. As I said before it is a lot longer and it is entirely different from the movie. If you are interested in the world, and the story, and you want to know more I would definitely recommend it. I feel kind of remiss in giving you all the details here as I think it will take away from the manga if you do intend to read it. That being said I'll try to give some broad strokes.

Firstly I agree it was a little rushed in the movie, but it was basically the death of Yamagata that turned Kaneda against Tetsuo, Yamagata was also a very close friend of Kaneda, being his right hand man within the gang.

The children were not an attempt at recreating Akira's powers, Akira and the children were apart of the same experiment that consisted of 41 test subjects. Akira was just the most powerful of said subjects.

Akira was the cause of the explosion at the start of the movie, this is why he was iced by the government/military, basically because they were incredibly scared of the power that he had, and the destruction that he could cause. Also they didn't have any way of controlling Akira, so releasing him would mean they would be releasing a world endingly powerful free agent, who they weren't sure they could stop again.

Regarding the children's sacrifice, I don't want to say too definitively as I don't exactly remember but broadly I believe it is because they are altogther altruistic, and they are still children. They are afraid of killing people, and they don't want any more people to die. Also they are very afraid of Akira returning.

Ryu was working with the resistance the throughout the entire movie. Im unsure as to where you got the idea he was a double agent. It's been a while since I saw the movie. Again however the resistance and their motives get a lot more "screen time" within the manga, which I would imagine would help to ease this confusion.

In regards to it all happening over again, we see in the movie that the government do not believe in Akira, and it is only really the Colonel who is pushing for more research in this area. The rest of the government see Akira and the project as a failure and a waste of resources. This also gets expanded on by the manga, with an entirely different ending.

In regards to the pills, I agree they could use more explanation within the movie. They basically ease the migraines that Tetsuo gets, as well as giving him a short term power boost.

I hope that helps. Admittedly it has been a while since I watched the movie, so don't take these as 100% fact. Also I tried to stick with the content of the movie, however it's hard to not think about it with the context of the manga as well.

[lattehearted]

OTPs + nOTPs + byleth!

send  "OTPs  +  nOTPs  +  [a  muse  name]"  for  me  to  list  out  my  favourite  pairings,  and  the  pairings  i  am  not  interested  in,  for  that  muse.

whoo boy.

okay so the thing is with fire emblem protags especially, there's a very thin line between genuinely thinking they should be with a person and me, christina, liking that character and wanting to court them.

that being said, I'm generally pretty open with byleth? i think they're so curious and amiable once given the space to open up that i can make a lot of ships make sense. But some of my favorites:

OTPs:

out of the house leaders/lords? sorry not sorry, claudeleth supremacy. they just?? god I could go on and on about claude going from 'how can i use their power to aid me' to 'what i wanted was to see that new world with you by my side.' i think they help each other, lean on each other, and grow to be better people together in a way that feels much more organic over the course of the game. they make me absolutely feral and always will.

BUT as anyone who follows my personal blog knows, i love me some huleth. if there's one thing i love more than liege x retainer, it's suspicious retainer x character who wins them over with their continued loyalty to the cause. hubert's a support rewrote my brain chemistry and his s support is one of the only ones i can quote verbatim, in its entirety. i have such strong feelings that for my first 4 CF runs, i kept to a very strict quad - byleth, edelgard, hubert, and dorothea could Only marry each other for a while because that particular quad is so so good. i think there's really great chemistry with all four of them in all combos and it felt weird the first time i had to split them up for completionist reasons.

unexpectedly? i have SUCH a soft spot for byleth and balthus. i think there's something really sweet in their supports, in balthus being one of the first people to challenge byleth's complacency in the path laid before them, long before they had to worry about running an entire nation / religious institution. AND one of the first things byleth does after the war is secure the safety of kupala. like we don't know how soon after the final battle their s support takes place but still, clearly it was a matter of priority for byleth to do that for him. they're just? they're fun, they're a lot of fun.

NOTPs:

i'm not gonna elaborate because of The Disk Horse™ but those who know me know my feelings on the subject so i'm simply gonna say: byleth and r.hea.

also not something i see a lot because i'm sure people feel similarly but because he's technically an option, i'm just gonna mention our boy cyril. i appreciate his time skip design because i've played plenty of games where the younger eligibles look about 12 and he looks believably of age. BUT he does look 12 in part one and that's...weird. nope, not for me, gonna shove him at lysie or petra or ashe and call it a day.

and not a notp by any stretch, i'm always open to trying it, but i'd be remiss if i didn't mention that the fandom at large has kind of soured me on d.imileth. i follow some GREAT dimas and would love to explore things with them, please make me see the light, i used to like them! but uh...yeah, i strongly dislike a lot of the popular takes on them oops

[savetooru]

lightship

finally back from braving the white cotton sea — on my flight home from tokyo i was lucky enough to be assigned a window seat and the view was surreal. staring out the porthole was looking at proof of concept: we taught ourselves how to fly. i don't have the energy to directly address why that was so important for me to accept but let's just say being in a different city does inexplicable things to the brain. the wonder of travel is that ideally, you have less time to get in your own head: wake up early, see the sights, eat your fill, stumble back to your lodging; exhale. after all, you could be anybody. you aren't anybody. god. doesn't it irk you how who we are in anonymity often feels like the truest version of ourselves? when you're sitting alone on the cosmo clock — somewhere close to the summit of rotation — it's easy not to worry about the length of the shadow you cast. the whole ride takes about fifteen minutes, so for those fifteen minutes you get to be a blur of probability. you've just crossed off number nineteen on your clumsily, carelessly-crafted bucketlist; for the moment you are every bit schrödinger's glorious, humble outline. the tough part is always in embracing a graceful aftermath. the return from liminal spaces and eyes-of-the-storms where choice is a pointless notion to turn over. the doors must open, the wheel's carriage emptied for its next passenger; nothing but indecipherable scrawl on fogged up glass left behind. you alight the metal box and you know the act has defined you in some profound way, but there's nothing you can show anybody to prove this. (the cat lives! now what?) all this to say yokohama's toasty 8°C gets you frigid clarity right up until the second it's time to punch back into discernible reality. go figure. so far my genius plan to best the mortal coil amounts to the following five precepts: brush before bed, take your meds early, drink less caffeine, figure out what you like, invest in more hugging. *shakes head* *grins self-deprecatingly* totally inspired, i know. a little sorry to end off on a [pensive acoustic guitar cover] note. i have photos from the trip! i took some neat ones and would like to share them soon. any other week i swear i'd be the type to wage war with melancholy, but for now? 以上です。 p.s. i'd be remiss if i didn't share how upon landing back in manila i finally gave in to reading running on air because i wish i caved earlier. ao3 user eleventy7 somehow just puts it all so succinctly, no? see — "going away is easy. coming home is hard."

[inkskinned]

"you seem nervous," he said.

"i'm pretty worried." and then i laughed, high and weird and strained.

he nodded at me and i nodded at him and i pressed my hands very hard together, which is what i do when i want to be politely still but i'm nervous and want to move.

"so there's a lot of ways to think about this test," he said, "but for what i'm about to show you - well. let's picture the test is out of 100."

"okay," i said. i had begged him to give me a "half test"; one i could afford out-of-pocket. i had good insurance; behavioral health wasn't offered for me. i'd been paying for a therapist by working 3 jobs; a situation that stressed me out enough i joked she earned her keep. if i took the whole test, the pricetag began at nine hundred and thirty.

robert the learning specialist is nice. robert was referred to me by a friend. i like all his books and his nice chairs and the warm browns he decorates with.

this is a funny story. i think this story is very fucking funny.

he places his hand on the side of the monitor and looks up over it at me. "so, there are diagnostic requirements for each condition to be considered medically significant. nobody really scores lower than, in this example, 30."

okay. i was 25 and ready for this - that all the self-care, self-treatment... it was pointless. it had always been possible: i don't have adhd, im just fucking stupid. im lazy. im the worst student and a terrible friend. everyone was right about me. this was a personality kind of a thing. i was pretending. i was jumping on an internet trend.

"at 60," robert continues, "and - again, these aren't the real numbers - but at 60, we would consider that to be significant enough for diagnosis. after that, we tend to think of it as increasing in severity."

his brows are knit. he looks strained. so i probably got a 14. i probably didn't take it right. im probably the first person on earth to waste three hundred dollars just to be told i broke the test. fuck. they're going to cancel my meds.

robert turns the screen around. there's a graph on it, a bunch of lines and numbers too small for me to read. "here's the diagnostic line, this 60 i talked about". he points to a yellow band, a little bouncy wave close to the middle. "here's the average citizen, at a 37". this is a red one, closer to the bottom. then he points to a blue. "at a 75 to 78, we would consider the situation to be severe. it's not marked, but 90 would be extreme. does this make sense?"

"yes. definitely." more nodding, more hand pressing. i skitter my eyes around the grey shape, trying to find where my results are. maybe along one of the control lines?

"out of a possible score of 100," he says, "you scored ninety-eight."

he points up at the top, a sparkling lime green wiggle. i hadn't seen it; it was too close to the border of the graph. he gently points back-and-forth from yellow to green, like he is breaking bad news to me.

"well," i say. "so i won the test? or is that a bad thing."

"i've been doing this work for over forty years," he tells me, "and never in my whole career have i seen someone score so highly."

"i have adhd," i say.

"well, these are preliminary tests, and it would be unprofessional for me to confirm until we continue to -"

"i super have adhd," i repeat.

he turns the screen back around. "i think it's - i would be remiss not to say that i find it extremely impressive you've been able to structure your life around this in such a way that you have remained undiagnosed until now."

"well," i say. "i did have a feeling." let out a little laugh again. sharp like a bark. "sorry. oh my god. sorry, i don't mean to laugh. it's just. i have," i repeat, "like super severe adhd."

robert rests his hands on his desk and looks at me. he looks sad, even though this whole thing is hysterically funny. "yes. i think that i can confirm that, but, like i said, i have to encourage you to take the whole test and to -"

"i thought," i say, and for some reason i think it's funnier than anything i ever said - "i literally thought i was faking."

"well." he moves the monitor so it isn't between us. "if i might say something? if you're experiencing these symptoms so frequently that your entire life has been structured around preparing for their inevitability - my question is always; why would you be faking? when you are alone, when you are struggling, what is the point of faking? wouldn't you be able to turn it off? once you received the attention or the accolades, wouldn't you stop? you've talked to me about how much you feel this - and i'm quoting you here" he looks at his notes. "... ruins your life. why would you submit to that, without any actual payout?"

"oh my god." i have to text everyone i know about this immediately. "i have adhd. like big. like the biggest. severely."

"well," robert's brows are creasing.

"sorry," i can't stop laughing, "you just - i mean. i just had the stray thought - what if i've faked this so well that the test can't tell that i'm lying?"

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Okay but like. A slow burn with Bruce Wayne?

"Isn't it a little past your bedtime?"

The deep voice behind you makes you wince. You'd hoped to avoid his notice a little longer but- you should have known. Bruce Wayne knew everything. He'd probably known the second you crossed the city limits.

"A bit," you say turning slowly, looking up at him. "But I'm headed home now."

He nodded slowly. In the cowl, his face was inscrutable. But you knew he wasn't happy to see you. Four years ago, he'd made it clear he didn't want to see you again. And yeah. He'd been grieving. Jason, his son, was dead. He'd lashed out, hurt and furious and guilty. Like he'd done so many times before. But this time? The things he'd said you couldn't overlook. Not even for Bruce. So you'd left.

"Welcome home, Y/N," he said, opening your car door.

"Thank you, Batman."

----------

You curled on the rooftop chaise wishing you'd moved back while it was still warm enough to use the pool. And watched tiny leaf tornados swirl on the rooftop just below yours, and sigh. Just when you thought you were cried out, you were unpleasantly surprised to learn you weren't.

Another jolt of pain would rip through you. At this rate you were going to have to buy stock in tissues. When the sliding door opened, you jumped, ready to shout at them. But when it was Alfred, accompanied by your housekeeper, you relaxed slightly.

"Alfred," you say, "I'm afraid you caught me 'not at home'."

"My apologies," he said contritely. He'd intended to scold you for staying away from the house. For having to find out from Bruce that you were home. But now? He understood. You'd come home with nowhere else to go. Not sure where to go after your divorce. "But I thought I'd be remiss if I didn't do something to welcome you back." He proffered a plate of cookies gently.

"Jess?" you asked, turning to the housekeeper, "Will you make us some tea?"

"Of course," she said, "Anything else?"

"No," you answer, pausing "Maybe a wastepaper basket. I seem to have made a mess."

Jess looked at the pile of tissues and if she had any opinions, she didn't voice them. Turning to go and do as you asked as Alfred takes the seat you offer him, setting the plate down.

You curl onto the chaise and wrap your arms around your knees, feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable as Alfred regarded you.

"So," Alfred said, "Is the scoundrel still breathing or have you remedied that already?"

You snort in spite of yourself, wiping your face on your sleeve, "I don't want him dead. I wouldn't want to leave his kid without their dad."

Alfred blinked. He'd heard through the grapevine that he'd triggered the infidelity clause in the prenup. But- this he hadn't heard. "Y/N I-"

You shrug, smiling your thanks at Jess, "We'll wait on ourselves, thank you." Alfred waits until she left and the door had shut before turning back to you with a frown, "I hadn't heard-"

Another inelegant shrug and a sad smile cut him off. "I suppose he got tired of waiting- or got tired of being disappointed," you say. And Alfred watches helplessly when you hug your knees closer to your chest and lay your head down, hiding your face to try and get your composure.

He'd soothed many broken hearts over the years- but this he didn't know how to fix for you and it made him feel, for the first time in a long time, useless. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

When you start crying in earnest again, he moves closer, laying a hand on the back of your head gently and rubbing the back of your neck, "The circumstances are horrid, but I'm glad you're home, Miss Y/N. We've missed you."

"Bruce-"

"Master Bruce," Alfred huffed, "Learned the error of his ways about a week later after the dust settled. The only reason he didn't attend the wedding or call you after that was foolish pride." He picked up the box of tissues and handed it to you.

You huff a laugh and lean against his side, grateful for his presence. His calm helped. Unphased by the mess your life was in, he'd simply shown up and you could feel him gearing up to take control.

"I think he'd be pleased if you came to dinner with evening," he said honestly. "Kate is coming. And we have new children living there that I think you'd love."

You look up at him, hesitating and Alfred smiled a little. "Master Bruce will be on his best behavior," he promised.

"Do I have to dress for it?"

"No," he laughed. "The dress code has relaxed a little bit since Clark insists on showing up in flannels and 'formal' dress for Diana happens to mean armour."

"So I can wear jeans?"

"As long as they do not have holes."

[romegaketh]

i'm really in love with your writing style. What books do you think have influenced your writing style the most?

anon!!! this is so kind of you. i am such a fucking baby about how distinct my style is - i am keenly aware it's not everyone's cup of tea! i'm listing authors under the cut. most of these i've posted about #onhere and none of them are particularly deep cuts. hopefully this isn't too dull! it is pretentious tho. sorry can't be helped.

ursula le guin. i (re)read her entire bibliography earlier this year and the depth and strength of her prose - as well as her ability to align it with polemic! - blows me away to think about. (top three: the dispossessed, tehanu, five ways to forgiveness.)

margaret atwood. particularly the poetry collections. i haven't read a lot of atwood in recent years - she's politically intolerable, among other things! - but power politics is definitely at the root of how i want to write and wish i could. parts of the handmaid's tale are, on a craft level, simply astounding.

seth dickinson. i never shut up about how wonderful the traitor baru cormorant is, because it is that wonderful. dense and complicated prose, dense and complicated plot, all of it excruciatingly beautiful to read. laws of night and silk is a beautiful short story with similar themes that i adore, and there's a neat post on his blog about how he structures sentences that i think about often.

jeff vandermeer got me at a good time. borne is the book of his i'd recommend most - i think his less linear work is very beautiful but revels in its strangeness too much to be easily accessible.

china mieville has abuse allegations against him and seems like a total asshole. (also his new stuff sucks.) that said, iron council is a tour de force i loved so much i finished reading it and immediately bought a copy to send to a friend (before i learned abt the allegations). you have to like mieville's style to like it - you can't really half ass your way in, he's complicated and self referential - but if it works for you, it works. the denouement of iron council is... i get shivers when i think about it. (illegally download them, though. fuck that guy.)

i would be remiss if i didn't include Formative Fanfiction. i could never cover it all but i really like the specific house style used in like, mid 00s sorkin fic, which you also see sometimes in stargate atlantis fic of the same period. kind of spare, talky, vivid. a super specific often obfuscatory narrator. i don't do it bc i like parentheses too much, but it's in my heart. (i do the narrator thing though.) in no particular order:

even sugar peas run out of snap. sports night. you don't need to know sports night to get this fic, you just need to like breakups and getting your ass kicked by a narrative.

shoeless joe and the sunshine kid. captain america. this fic is my north star, lol. it's incredible. the shit it does with genre and expectation! unreal! if you can go in unspoiled that's best, and i never say that.

take clothes off as directed. sga. incredible construction, both word by word and as a functional world. (and as commentary!)

this was very fun to think about, sorry none of it is cutting edge! feel free to ask for specific recs if there's something you like, or warnings, or whatever. god i love... to read. thanks again <3