#Sorry this got long and personal
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Note
I appreciate it, but I like reading your writing. I just need to work up to read *spicy* chapters. Which, because I haven't read in a while and haven't been 100% myself, I can't currently do, unfortunately 😔
Plus, my memory is shot enough that I am gonna end up rereading both books so I can tell clearly what's going on, lol. I do love authors like you who make the *spice* optional, and I do tend to take that option quite often, but I will readily admit its typically with far more /human/ characters that I do so with. History and all that, lol.
It's just been a really funky time, and a more physically taxing job is making my poor immune system laugh maniacally. With how companies tend to ask that you essentially work yourself to death, I have been making poor decisions. As in, continuing to go in to work, despite the fact that I am immediately going to bed sick every time I get home. I got sent home today because being too dizzy to stand properly still, whilst simultaneously having absolutely zero thermoregulation, is not good when working in a warehouse. Sorry for dumping in your inbox, same as when I am too excited, I am currently lacking social awareness of if this is appropriate or not.
Having said that, sorry again for just dumping all this on you, I am so far out kf it that I really don't even know if I am properly awake or not.
~Smooch
Social awareness be damned. I may overstep here, but I'll regret it more if I don't share with you something personal about me. What you said is a little triggering, because I nearly worked myself to death for a company that didn't care about my health. It sounds like you're burning out, if not already burnt out. Not trying to diagnose anything, but what you're saying sounds very familiar.
I'm going to ramble under the cut. Let's dump on each other, together.
It sounds crazy, but most of what you've said sounds like what I went through with my last job. It burned me out to where I was a completely different person. I lost interest in the things that made me happy and I stopped caring about my health. I had chronic ocular migraines, constant stomach pains, and I hated myself. I was not in a good mental space. I was burnt out.
No one gave me the help I needed or told me what to look for, or what was available to me. No one told me about FMLA, or medical leave, or mental health leave. No one told me about health programs to help my autoimmune disorder, or what a toxic work environment was. I didn't know buzzwords like 'harassment' and a 'hostile workplace'. I'd call off, but no one would cover my work, give me shit for being sick all the time, and I never wanted to kick up a fuss because I didn't think I could. I'd sob in my car, both heading to work and leaving. There were so many things I should've done. I had to quit, because it was either my life or my job. I was lucky I had some people to financially help me in between.
This may not be the same for you, but what does sound similar is that you're not thinking of yourself, first. I've made poor decisions and all those choices led up to letting myself get bad. It took 4 years to undo all that. I can go months without a migraine, now. I'm finally in remission. I see a therapist. I actually love myself and feel better and doing the things that interest me. (There are always problems here and there, but nothing like before)
Try your best to make the changes to protect future you. I don't know what kind of company you work for, but learn your options. Protect yourself. If you're able to see a doctor for a chronic condition, get FMLA to protect yourself and your paycheck. See if you are able to take a mental health leave, if you need it. See what EPA programs are available to you. Human Resources (which most companies have) is required to give you this information, but you have to request it. You said you work in a warehouse? Know your rights. My bet, OSHA will have your back.
Take care of yourself now so you don't have to spend years putting yourself back together, later. There is literally only one of you in this world, and you are precious and unique and loved. You don't need to respond. Get some rest. Listen to some music. Think about things.
#Smooch anon#Sorry this got long and personal#I probably sound like an old cursed witch “don't follow the dark path I once walked or you'll end up like meeee”#mental health has become very important to me over the years#and my old job was responsible for a lot of when I went through#Work mentality can be a dangerous thing and its easy to put your job before your needs#This goes to everyone: It is not selfish to take care of yourself
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
more robstar art but now ft. some batfam!! This doesn't even scratch the surface of doodles i'll be posting...still mostly robstar but now I got other plans involving the batfam hehe
#robstar#batfam#dc#dc comics#dick grayson#koriand'r#dickory#jason todd#damian wayne#bruce wayne#uhhh#sorry for flooding/long post#punnifulart#if y'all got fun ideas that go along with them lmk and i might draw it bc this has been fun#also my starfire is still the tt03 version because i think her personality would be soooo funny with the batfam
4K notes
·
View notes
Text
💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖
For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!
The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^
What's been added to the 3.5 version?
📺 Streamer Mode!
I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.
Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh
This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!
⚙️ Custom Pronouns!
It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;
Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!
💗 Choose how others perceive you!
You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.
For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!
📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!
You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3
Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!
I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;
I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao
📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!
You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!
Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!
I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;
It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)
🖤 Additional Scenes Update!
Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!
If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.
After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga
🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!
I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!
I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.
Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.
How to download and play the update?
(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!
Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)
Enjoy!!
#14 days with you#14dwy#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — spoilers.#I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately#Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️#(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly)#OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll—#—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;)#However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing)#So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from—#—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue#—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3#Aaaaaanways!! 😮💨#My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks—#—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!!#This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v;#Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe#🖤 — shut up sai.
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
Mini post real quick, bc noticed something interesting💥-
Book of Bill discussion may contain spoilers
I know tags are usually enough, but ya know just in case
Okay this is a speculation corner 👀
While I was colouring a new comic I noticed that the cage in the series was blue
Some ppl theorise that the fact that bill was red, while angry, represented his father
The parents roles can be swapped of course, bc we’re not really sure about who’s red, who’s blue (as far as I’m aware)
My personal headcanon: dad - red, mom - blue
But like
What if
The cage represents mom cipher 👁️👁️
An overprotective parent, who isolated her son “for his own good”
Hm???
There are probably ppl who already noticed it, but I just wanna feel smart for a second 😈
Oki back to colouring 🎨
#sorry if I’m too obsessive with spoiler warnings💥#long time ago posted a post without a proper spoiler warning#and a person got really upset#don’t wanna repeat same mistakes 🫡#gravity falls theory#fan theory#book of bill spoilers#the book of bill spoilers#book of bill#the book of bill#bill ciphers parents#gf bill cipher#bill cipher#euclid cipher#scalene cipher#gravity falls bill
445 notes
·
View notes
Text
“Jason was so boring” “Jason had no personality” what are you talking about
Jason Grace was a child soldier and the son of the KING OF THE GODS. The pressure on him was so huge and the training of the Roman legions was so intense all he ever really did was train. As soon as he was old enough he was put in positions of leadership and power cause he’s the son of Jupiter, leader of the gods, he must be a natural born leader, right?
But his entire character arc revolves around him realising that he can be more than what the Romans made him into, that he can have his own opinions, his own hobbies, love who he wants, live where he wants.
He was the first person to start defending Nico, the first to accept Nico and tell him sincerely that there was nothing wrong with him and that everyone at BOTH camps would accept him and have his back - and if they didn’t they’d have Jason to answer to.
He was sure to always give Reyna the credit she deserved and constantly felt guilty for when he made her shoulder the responsibilities. Throughout HoH he’s got half of his mind on her, praying she’s okay, tracking her progress in his dreams because gods FORBID anything happen to that brilliant woman whom he loved platonically but wholeheartedly.
When they found Leo again after he was at Ogygia, Jason recognised in an instant just from the way Leo was sitting that something was off. When everyone pestered him with questions, Jason took charge to get the limelight off of Leo as much as possible, and checked in with him the minute they were alone.
Jason Grace is fiercely loving, always looks out for those who need support, always sides with the underdogs, always does what’s right even when it’s hard, often does what’s expected even when he doesn’t want to, but if he can take the burden off of someone else he will ALWAYS step up.
He has the honour and bravery of a soldier and carries all of the trauma and doubt that comes with it.
And on top of all of this he was just sixteen years old.
Jason Grace isn’t boring, it just took some time for us to understand why he acts the way he does - always composed and in charge. He is not perfect, but he was always trained/expected to be, and watching the perfect mask crack and seeing his true inner thoughts throughout HoO is what makes his character so interesting.
#sorry that was long#but now that he’s gone I just feel very protective of him#jason grace was never boring#and I’m really sad we never got to see him fully grow into his own person#I LIVED for his interactions with Nico#he was like the big brother he never had#and his moments with Percy were also amazing#jason grace#heroes of olympus#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#nico di angelo#reyna avila ramirez arellano#leo valdez
806 notes
·
View notes
Text
I swear to god 99% of people watching WL forgot who won SL. Put some respect on his name
#I didn't think I'd have to disclaim this but this post/tags are about the fandom. the viewers. not the CCs#wild life#trafficblr#goodtimeswithscar#loser trioo loser triooo they always die trioooo they will never win trioooo. You can have your fun!! It's fine!! I find it funny too but#it's only funny for so long when everyone is betting on them all dying first and repeating notions that just aren't really true..?#People's opinions of Lizzie being shaped by her dying first in SL? And of Scar being shaped by every season he didn't make top 5 in?#Or god forbid the “Scar only won because person X did all the work!!” or “Scar only got so far because he was allied with Grian!” takes#it's not that serious... it shouldn't be that serious... But I can't help getting peeved sorry#Jimmy okay. Lizzie has SO many kills under her belt and made it decently far. and Scar has gotten 1st and 2nd before. Did everyone forget.?#Those are two very capable people and Jimmy gets tunnel visioned and clumsy but I believe in him too#They've all been losers before and Jimmy is my loser cringeboy son but good lord some of you have extremely selective memory#blabber
160 notes
·
View notes
Text
finally sat down and cranked this shit Out on my day off lmfao CAST LIST GO!!
new additions: francis as hermes, and feliks and natalya joining emma as the two other fates! plus the. chorus of olya, elise, alfred, matthew, and arthur.
i didnt draw the orchestra but we have: roderich on piano, tolys on trombone, heracles on guitar, vash on bass, joão (portugal) on cello, henri (luxembourg) on violin, and abel on percussion! ludwig isnt playing anyone, he's in charge of backstage and making sure everyone is ready for their cues 👍👍
#hetalia world stars#hetalia au#hadestown production au#hws france#hws spain#hws romano#hws hungary#hws prussia#hws belgium#hws poland#hws belarus#im not tagging anyone else sorry im being lazy. lmfao.#my art#ignore how i got lazy with the chorus outfits i got so fucking bored of drawing the same thing hhhhghgh.#freddy and mattie and olya are doing any lifting that needs to be done because theyre 💪💪💪#anyway i couldnt decide whether i wanted francis or alfred as hermes and thats why this took so long to finalize lmao#francis felt too Obvious. but his personality fits better than fred. and i also realized its my au i can do what i want! so! francis it is#anyway time for me to rest my hand and wrist bc ive been drawing for like. 6+ hours lmfao
180 notes
·
View notes
Text
something something when your best friend, your wife, and your daughter take the killing shot that was meant for you
X-Men: First Class | X-Men: Apocalypse
#where is that person that said that when charles got shot in cuba erik probably thought he got him killed for a second#mine*#xmenedit#filmedit#x-men#gifset#cherik#erik lehnsherr#long post#while i think its RIDICULOUS the way they killed off nina and magda i also can't stop thinking how this has to be a scene out of a horror#movie for erik like??? he takes his eyes off them FOR A SECOND and next time he looks back they are both DEAD#also there's NO WAY he realized they were both killed at the same time. nina was covering magda when it happened so he probably thought#they killed nina and when he got there he realized magda was dead too. thats just ??? how do you even start to move on from that man#simon kinberg i'm in your walls#and his face when he realizes he shot charles??? that's just horrifying i'm so sorry#you are fighting with your best friend and you tell him you don't want to hurt him and five minutes later hes stumbling into the sand#because YOU shot him and YOU hurt him and then hes telling you that YOU did THIS#what if i killed myself what then
212 notes
·
View notes
Note
so we know you love diasomnia endlessly, but who is your favorite character from each of the other dorms
this is SO hard to answer, because so many of the characters are, like, those pet adoption ads that say "MUST STAY TOGETHER, CANNOT BE SEPARATED". it's all about the relationship dynamics! and I think everybody in the main cast is pretty neat, honestly; there isn't anyone who doesn't have something I really like about them. but if I haaaaad to choose...
Hearts - Trey, partly because I do like me a good Mom Friend™ character, and partly because he pretends like he's all sane and normal, right up until he does something to prove he's just as much of a dipshit as everyone else. you're not immune, sir.
Savana - BUFF 👏 TSUNDERE 👏 WEREWOLF 👏
Octa - this one took a lot of soul-searching, because I do feel like the Octatrio is at their very best when it's all three of them, especially when they're in full Ed Edd n Eddy mode. but in the end, Jade ekes out a win, because sometimes you get this Jade:
and then when he gets back from his nice mushroom-foraging hike, you get this Jade:
Scara - Kalim, my sweet little moron. such a good heart, so few braincells.
Pome - 90% of the time when Rook shows up, you know it's going to a be fun time watching a silly little man dance around and break into song for no reason and wax poetic about the beauty of, like, a chair. always a delight!
except every once in a while, he'll bust out something that is absolutely insane even by Twst standards:
this isn't a complaint, it's just. why is he like this. I want to study him under a microscope, except I'm afraid of what I might find.
Igni - MUST STAY TOGETHER! CANNOT BE SEPARATED! ...but I would probably go with Ortho, just because right now I'm pretty invested in his Learning Emotions story arc and looking forward to seeing it progress. he's a good boy who will post your cringe fanfic publicly if you annoy him
...and at this point I'm calling technicality because the ask says "other dorms", and I genuinely do not think I could choose between the Dia boys at this point. let's see how episode 7 goes first!
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 6 spoilers#long post#obligatory disclaimer that this is my own personal opinion et cetera#what it comes down to is that i'm going to love EVERYBODY and you can't stop me!#it REALLY is all about the dynamics though#i don't talk about them as much but i really do love the riddle-trey-cater and riddle-trey-che'nya friendships especially#and i KNOW i've talked about idia and lilia being unintentional bffs before#and i'm going to stop here before i just start listing off every possible character interaction and why i like it#what up it's a day ending in y which means i got feelings about anime characters again#sorry this is somehow even less coherent than usual#i was like 'i'll do a couple of drawings for this' and then looked up and it was 4 am somehow#this keeps happening dagnabbit
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
patrick saying his we made it moment is seeing people stay for saturday is making me feel sooo insanely emotional because it’s like. such a personal metric of success?? like. saturday was never a big hit, but they chose to end every show with it years ago anyways. even when they could see people leaving during it, they chose to keep playing it. because it meant something to Him and to Them, and to the diehard fans too. and just imagining, as time goes on, seeing people choosing to stay. actively seeing peoples opinions and hearts change over time and decide that its worth it to stay, to feel the love and importance that song holds for the band. it’s beyond just a symbolic show that your music is resonating with people and making it into their hearts- people staying Literally shows that. all us believers still believe everytime we sing two more weeks, y’know? and with every show, maybe they’re picking up more believers. and That is how patrick measures his success— in how many people are choosing to believe and to stay.
#sorry for the long ramble i just got to thinking abt it and that is just truly such a beautiful personal way to quantify success#is how many people show up and stay. crowds are won and lost and won again but our hearts beat for the diehards#and theyre constantly gaining more diehards. theyre constantly getting people to care. god#just by being their authentic true selves!!! by doing what they want and what they love!!! augh!!!#txt#p: 100
249 notes
·
View notes
Note
“a sexual awakening so intense it registered on the richter scale” is the single best and most accurate description I have ever heard.
pov: you're 16 years old and doing the final test for your super license ahead of joining f1 as the youngest ever driver. you expect the doubt and hate, and you know you can prove on track why you deserve to be there once you actually get in a car, but until then, you just have to be the subject of everyone's headlines and criticism for a factor you can't control.
then this guy comes along.
race winner who got himself to a top team and is beating his world champion teammate, a cool older handsome charismatic guy with a giant smile and big brown eyes, beloved and kind while still being fiercely talented, competitive, and hungry? the guy who you met in 2011 and who gave you the time of day before you were old enough to sniff at the f1 grid. he's not even going to be your actual teammate (yet), but he still takes the time to tell you he's looking forward to seeing you on the grid when so much of what you've heard is nonstop criticism.
he tells you good luck for your super license with a big grin meant just for you
and this is how it makes you feel.
this is live footage of daniel ricciardo becoming a permanent fixture in max's spank bank. it's one of those foundational crushes you have at a young age that sticks with you for life and unconsciously affects "your type" forever and never truly goes away.
also, i just think everyone should hear the way max very softly says "he's a really nice guy, yeah" with so much affection packed into every word.
how are you not to psychosexually imprint on him? one look at that video and max was ready to risk it all. he's been metaphorically tucking his hair, kicking his feet, and giggling since day one. he found a guy who he could race hard, who would challenge him on track, but who would still make the miserable pr days better for them, who was always laughing at max's jokes every time he did his little glance over to ensure it landed. max is so fiercely loyal to his people, and daniel has clearly earned that trust.
tldr: max verstappen is number one dirlie and if he were on f1blr, he would be writing long posts with onboards, data, and that ☝️🤓 attitude of his explaining in detail why everyone is wrong about daniel, and i hope it haunts all the max fans who get their rocks off to calling daniel a washed asshole loser that max's porn folder is daniel late braking compilations.
#ask#this got long. sorry. i also took a 5 minute crying break over old videos of daniel.#my exams start in a week and this is what i'm doing#anyway#OBVIOUSLY i don't think you have to like daniel ricciardo in order to love max.#but it's perplexing to me that people can look at someone who makes max so visibly happy#and dedicate their entire life to obsessively hate-posting about him.#move on! ignore him!#i couldn't tell you anything about a driver i hate's race besides the basic race coverage#because i don't dig into every facet of it to feed an pathological hatred.#i definitely couldn't tell you things about their personal life/anything what they've been up to/recent quotes/etc#because i just see them and scroll. wish others had that ability.#maxiel
382 notes
·
View notes
Note
will theo ever be happy
Maybe in another life.
#theo#jack#confusing and alienating everyone who only followed me after i started drawing furries by referencing my old nonfurry character dynamics#but this got me thinking about theo's only happy endings and how they all involve jack...#who i'm not drawing right now. oops. sorry fella#oh theo... see what happens when you're separated from your emotional support tramp#you start committing crimes against nature and people get worried about you#real answer: probably not in amaranthine but who knows WE'RE NO WHERE NEAR FIGURING OUT AN ENDING HAHA#i could ramble for another thousand paragraphs about why he probably won't be happy in amaranthine but to summarize:#1. trying to do crimes against nature for insane reasons#2. only “positive” relationship is an evil parasite who is using and manipulating him#3. only person he talks to about his problems is a dead body#4. no jack to keep him stable... so far. i want to add him to the story but that's a long way off#but if you want to make A version of theo happy you can play our game Wishbone (once it's done...). he's in it because of course he is.#my draws#asks
131 notes
·
View notes
Text
ldnactr: Totally getting fired for this, but it's so worth it. Check it out! @theagcd @princehenryuk #Disaster #Royal #Wedding #PrinceHenry #ACD
#red white and royal blue#alex claremont diaz#henry hanover stuart fox#taylor zakhar perez#nicholas galitzine#rwrb movie#rwrbedit#henry shoving alex's face into the floor my beloved#also the fact the instagram post tags them#love it#sorry you got sued to high hell for violating that NDA you definitely signed dude#sorry to the person with the actual theagcd url#i legit spent so long trying to figure out how to untag you but keep the @ sign#but alas
929 notes
·
View notes
Text
time for more soren character analysis:
petrine’s battle conversation with soren in chapter 23 has always been a favorite of mine, and now that i’m looking at it again i noticed a few extra details:
it’s important to mention that this battle takes place directly after ike and soren’s a-support, in which soren confesses he’s a branded and expects to be shunned, only for ike to tell him that it doesn’t matter and he wants soren to stay by his side regardless.
anyway, besides “Now let me show you true fear!” being a really hard line, it’s really cool to see how soren’s reaction to his branded status being pointed out changes so sharply over the course of a handful of chapters. i already analyzed his reaction to nasir’s betrayal where he’s agitated over the fact that he could have prevented it if nasir hadn’t threatened to reveal him being branded to the army, so seeing him being so confident in himself is great, and i’ll touch on why here.
one of the reasons i like to say the game treats ike and soren’s a-support as canon is actually this particular conversation. soren, having just been reassured that ike will always want him at his side regardless of who or what he is, now suddenly has had his biggest fear and insecurity taken off his back. he doesn’t need to hate himself for being branded because ike, the only person who’s ever truly mattered to soren, doesn’t care at all.
back to the conversation, soren’s judgment over the situation at hand is no longer clouded by his own self-loathing. instead of comparing them as branded and seeing himself as just as horrid and disgusting as petrine (tiger branded, fun fact), he’s able to instead compare them as individuals and realize that what he’s done up to that point will never measure up to the atrocities she’s committed. i think the best part personally is just how disgusted soren looks by the notion he and petrine are the same, because he’s right— him being cutthroat and pragmatic is nothing compared to everything petrine has done in daein’s name— and the fact he can clearly see this means that, for the very first time, he’s finally starting to heal from the mental wounds inflicted upon him by his childhood.
overall, i like this little nod to soren starting to learn to grow and change from who he was at the beginning of fe9. it’s more clearly seen in radiant dawn, where he’s calmer to the point ranulf even comments on it, but these little inklings implying the start of soren’s healing are really cool to see.
#this amount of information in just two lines of dialogue is so good i can hardly stand it#funny enough i almost wasn’t even able to retrieve these screenshots#the other day dolphin just kinda shit itself and refused to read my game files for fe9#and i ended up spending like an hour fighting with the config to fix it#but for whatever reason the screenshot command is no longer saving to the folder even though it says it is#and i only realized this after completing the map#i got really fuckin lucky that i had a save state near the end that i could go back into#so i could just use my computer’s screenshot command to save it directly to my desktop#but it means that the screenshots of that one scene in ch. 22#where titania yells at ike to tell her who killed greil and soren tells her to chill because it’s upsetting ike#are gone if i can’t find wherever the fuck the image files went#which sucks because i really wanted to talk about that one too#sorry for the rant#anyway tags#tellius#fe9#long post#does this count as#ikesoren#fellas is it gay to devote your entire life to the very first person to show you kindness
87 notes
·
View notes
Text
5p yuuram bloood twww
#i feel bad for tagging this yuuram cuz its so far from canon LMFAO i will for organization but like...#yuuram#mine#kkm#comics#fanart#its been so long since i got to draw a comic im so happy im flourishing#uhhh anyways#hc time. i think yuuri is the type of person to act before he thinks and therefore i think he would be the first to initiate. not exactlu a#unpopular interpretation of yuuri but i think he likes wolf before he knows it and so his body acts b4 he recognizes the feelings wihin him#i also think wolf wont initiate first cuz his love towards yuuri is very. um. catholic and political lmao.#cuz hes a dog and a human weapon. he thinks the suffering is part of his job. like born duty. and i think he likes it too#cuz theres eomthing about being able to pour ur soul into being obsessed w someone in a gay codependent relationship w/out worrying ab them#reciprocating LMFAO#anyways i think wolf loves in a way that is very intentional. his love is a weapon that he gives to people. its not something to indulge in#i also thinkk his love is a weapon for himself. to sharpen and use. like motivation/justification to exist and also DUTY BABYYY#i talked too much#wolfram von bielefelt#shibuya yuuri#(comic is abuot yuuri. talks about wolfram instead) sorry son.
386 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok I have A Lot of thoughts about the staircase confession (well really about Edwin's whole character arc, but all roads lead to rome) but for now I just wanna say that, yes, I was bracing myself for something to go terribly wrong when I first watched it, and yes, part of me was initially worried its placement might be an uncharacteristically foolish choice made in the name of Drama or Pacing or Making a Compelling Episode of Television but at the expense of narrative sense--
But I wanna say that having taken all that into account, and watched it play out, and sat with it - and honestly become rather transfixed by it - I really think it's a beautifully crafted moment and truly the only way that arc could've arrived at such a satisfying conclusion.
And if I had to pinpoint why I not only buy it but also have come to really treasure it, I'd have to put it down to the fact that it genuinely is a confession, and nothing else.
That moment is an announcement of what Edwin has come to understand about himself, but because it takes the form of a character admitting romantic feelings for such a close friend, I think it can be very easy, when writing that kind of thing, to imbue it with other elements like a plea or a request or even the start of a new relationship that, intentionally or not, would change the shape of the moment and can quickly overshadow what a huge deal the telling is all on its own. But that's not the case here. Since it is only a confession, unaccompanied by anything else, and since we see afterward how it was enough, evidently, to fix the strangeness that had grown between him & Charles, we're forced to understand that it was never Edwin's feelings that were actually making things difficult for him - it was not being able to tell Charles about them. 'Terrified' as he's been of this, Edwin learns that his feelings don't need to either disappear completely or be totally reciprocated in order for him to be able to return to the peace, stability, and security of the relationship with which he defines his existence - and the scale of that relief a) tells us a hell of a lot about Edwin as a character and b) totally justifies the way his declaration just bursts out of him at what would otherwise be such a poorly chosen moment, in my opinion.
Whether or not they are or ever could be reciprocated, Edwin's feelings are definitively proven not to be the problem here - only his potential choice to bottle it up - his repression - is. And where that repression had once been mainly involuntary, a product of what he'd been through, now that he's got this new awareness of himself, if he still fails to admit what he's found either to himself or to the one person he's so unambiguously close with, then that repression will be by his own choice and actions.
And he won't do that. Among other things, he's coming into this scene having just (unknowingly) absolved the soul of his own school bully and accidental killer by pointing out a fact that is every bit as central to his self-discovery as anything about his sexuality or his attraction to Charles is: the idea that "If you punish yourself, everywhere becomes Hell"
So narratively speaking, of course it makes sense that Edwin literally cannot get out of Hell until he stops punishing himself - and right now, the thing that's torturing him is something he has control over. It's not who he is or what he feels, but what he chooses to do with those feelings that's hurting him, and he's even already made the conscious choice to tell Charles about them, he was just interrupted. But now that they're back together and he's literally in the middle of an attempt to escape Hell, there is absolutely no way he can so much as stop for breath without telling Charles the truth. Even the stopping for breath is so loaded - because they're ghosts, they don't need to breathe, but also they're in Hell, so the one thing they can feel is pain, however nonsensical. And Edwin certainly is in pain. But whether he knows what he's about to do or not when he says he 'just needs a tick,' a breather is absolutely not what's gonna give him enough relief to keep climbing - it's fixing that other hurt, though, that will.
Like everything else in that scene, there's a lot of layers to him promising Charles "You don't have to feel the same way, I just needed you to know" - but I don't think that means it isn't also true on a surface level. It's the act of telling Charles that matters so much more than whatever follows it, and while that might have gone unnoticed if anything else major had happened in the same conversation, now we're forced to acknowledge its staggering and singular importance for what it is. The moment is well-earned and properly built up to, but until we see it happen in all its wonderful simplicity, and we see the aftermath (or lack thereof, even), we couldn't properly anticipate how much of a weight off Edwin's shoulders merely getting to share the truth with Charles was going to be, why he couldn't wait for a better, safer opportunity before giving in to that desire, or how badly he needed to say it and nothing else - and I really, really love the weight that act of just being honest, seen, and known is given in their story/relationship.
#dead boy detectives#edwin payne#the case of the very long stairway#im sorry this really IS the short version of my thoughts i swear#i didnt want to get long and rambley backing everything up and mentioning everything else this forces me to reconsider#i just feel like i've barely interacted w this fandom and still seen quite a few odd duck takes on this moment imo#i dont think he wouldntve got the nerve to say it otherwise#(he was already going to! & if anything his new experiences in hell only cement that being the right choice)#and as much as i get what fear can do to a person i still definitely dont think he was resigned to staying in hell if charles reacted badly#i truly think he just couldnt keep it to himself any longer#the show is upfront about his escaping hell being a testament to his own strength rather than a lucky break of some sort#so i think even being on the receiving end of a rescue mission getting out still must take a lot of strength in this universe#and telling charles that definitely made him stronger/in less pain#so yeah totally necessary it happened where and when it did in my book#also i hope it doesnt sound like im being dismissive of anything charles says in this scene#but the way i see it those were all things they both already knew#so reaffirming them just adds to the idea that the act of Telling Each Other Things is what's so important here#rather than counting as a truly separate thing this conversation achieves#just my two cents
150 notes
·
View notes