#soon it’ll all be over
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I feel like the finality of Liam’s passing is only just now starting to hit me… that band and those 5 boys have been such an integral part of my life for the past 14 years (literally half my life) and now no matter how much we hope and want and wish for the reunion, it will never be whole… I don’t know why it’s only just sinking in that he is never coming back… this is it… he’s gone… and as silly as this may sound I feel like I lost a friend…
#I just kept getting this feeling of this will pass soon#soon it’ll all be over#and I kept having to remind myself that no it isn’t#him being gone will never be over#and it’s such a harsh ugly reality that I don’t want to live in#liam payne#niall horan#louis tomlinson#harry styles#zayn malik#one direction#speaking into the void
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Honestly the cliche advice is true. If you fill your life w things you’re passionate about, if you challenge yourself every day, if you give your own opinion of yourself more weight than you do other people’s opinions of you, you will actually thrive. Like no one can tell u anything
#I’m just in a whole state of mind rn#there will always be ppl who try to bring u down but pursuing the things u love will help u rise above it.#I absolutely still get anxious / annoyed at things but I’m over it sm faster. and soon it won’t bother me at all.#or at least it’ll have a healthy duration. bc negative emotion isn’t always bad. negative emotion is important and we should not ignore it#but overall!! preserving my energy better. just need to work on my knee jerk responses & I’ll be set#text
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#pain au chocolate but without the au chocolate#it’s ok nanami it’ll all be over Soon#cattoru's#jjk#nanami#jjk.memes#memes.mine
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Gawd, the Bridgerton press tour has been unlike anything I’ve seen before, a wild ride. Listen 10/10 for entertainment value.
#you start out like this is cute#and then you’re checking updates all the time#but soon it’ll be over#or will it#bridgerton#nicola coughlan#Luke newton#polin
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I need to start jotting down my Homestuck Beyond Canon predictions and try to turn more of them into theory posts.
I like making these big elaborate theory posts, it’s fun (though it does take a lot out of me and takes a lot of time). If I had decent editing software I would probably save some of these ideas for YouTube videos. Hell, I still might turn some of these into Youtube videos! 👀
Depending on how fast for tech stuff, IRL stuff, and the pacing of Beyond Canon... if nothing else I can make a hits and misses video of what I got right and what I got wrong. Might be fun! Let me know if you’d like to see that or if you have other ideas y’all would like to see! 💜
#I have so many ideas and thoughts#my head is all over the place#and I still gotta make my let me tell you about Homestuck presentation too!#lots of hs and hsbc on the brain!#can you tell that this series is gripping me by the behind?#it certainly isn’t letting go any time soon; I still gotta dub over hiveswap act 2 and the rest of pesterquest as well as making thumbnails#for all of the let’s voice episodes for all the trolls and kids#it’s up early on twitch for free if you wanna go digging for it (another thing I need to organize oops) but it’ll be up on YouTube some day#mine#op#homestuck beyond canon#homestuck
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Me: sometimes it feels like the universe is conspiring against me
My brain: silly fool, you’re not important enough for that to possibly be true
Me: Oh yeah! 😄
Also me: Oh………yeah 🥲
#almost everything that I fear and rage about most has a counterpart like this for me#another example: I’m terrified of death right?#like there’s this one song with the lyrics ‘it’ll all be over soon’#& when I hear it I cry bc it means this painful life is temporary (relief) AND it also means this beautiful life is temporary (devastating)
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I opened Pinterest for the first time in months.
That made me realize a lot about how bad I was actually doing and how much of a Waffle House Index use of Pinterest is for adult me, apparently.
I hadn’t realized it had grown that foundational to me in a healthy-brain-exercise-and-hobby-joy way. Nice to know moving forward! It’s another sign I can keep track of and use to spot correlation/indicator patterns earlier my behavior.
I love this kind of thing, it makes me so excited!
#personal data hacking is my passion#someday I’ll tell a story about the most notable times I tracked things or hacked my own mental processes from childhood to now#including the fear of spiders and bed wetting and behavior changes and posture and heart rate and cursive and putting kitchen items and#trash away as soon as I’m finished using them instead of never ever or ages and ages later#I’m so proud of that#you have to give it time and still commit. chaining thoughts and routines and behaviors really works#we are not separate brains and bodies and external environments#anyway I’m gonna go haha I used up he last of my energy burst on Discord and here and I need to go rest and lie on the floor and probly doze#love you all be back soon bye mwah!#add to journal#trauma evolution#my Waffle House index#this is going to be a fun new tag I’m so going to have fun with this and I bet it’ll be a helpful example reference for other people too#more than just for future me!#so excited so proud of myself so happy so grateful for hope about me really trusting that my ability and my behavior and my performance#are able to and going to yes keep getting better#long many-milestone path-journeys of potential#like when I was a little 6-7 year old kid-team athlete looking ahead at a concept of a future with me over time getting#stronger and cleverer and faster and slicker and calmer and even happier and more and more capable and able to accomplish!#a gift. all this time I didn’t think I’d have and have been living anyway is such a gift.#knowing that I truly have future time to grow and explore and change and improve in even though I still can’t FEEL or IMAGINE that future#time yet. also a gift.#the time I will one day realize I can imagine a future and imagine myself alive? will be a gift.#breath is a gift. experiencing life is a gift. other life is a gift. rhythm is a gift. motion is a gift. awake is a gift. color is a gift.#such a great expanse. all of it new. all of it eternal. all of it me. all of it nothing I’ve ever known before. all of it all of it#all of it. gifts.#gonna go have floor time now. this would be such a nice time to re-re-regain my ability to cry!#mwah I love you future me. take care of your hand and thank u for writing all this down 💛#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?#my poetry
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we should make an actual fandom for my ocs. more people should be going crazy abt lux
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i’m a parody of myself
💚 they/it❣️
#personal#dannycore#hal jordan#green lantern#barry allen#the flash#⚡️#✈️#fashion#as soon as i find a pilot jacket it’ll be all over for you
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definitely on my I hate men bs tonight bc why are y’all like that.
#once I start starving for love attention and affection again it’ll be different but men make it sooo hard for you to like them#individually and as a group#I just feel like it’s not even worth it to try and connect with men anymore for the purposes of romance#you can tell them exactly what you want and what they can do to make you happy and it won’t even be much#and they’ll still fall short and be fucking flaky and weird and stupid as fuck#they play dumb and they say they’re busy but they know exactly what they’re doing and who they’re doing it to#you could be they nicest sweetest most honest woman and they would still find ways to be shitty to you#I’m still going to remain a sweetheart but FUCK!!!!!!!!#all I wanted was one nice man to spend a few weeks with who would treat me right and do what I ask and sex me right and often#but I see now men’s brains aren’t wired that way… as soon as they get it once their effort goes down#I could give consistent effort attention and affection to someone for however long as long as it’s reciprocated#but niggas can’t even do that. bro it was just for a few more weeks you couldn’t keep up the act for a few more weeks?#I would have been giving consistent pussy and affection but apparently asking for gm/Gn texts is asking too much#and asking for a crumb of time is too much#why say you’re available when you’re NOT AVAILABLE#I’m just gonna stop having sex until I’m married because I’m tired of just being the next man’s conquest.#clearly connection and time spent and effort and being honest with people means nothing to anyone anymore.#talking about how you’d like things to go and following through on that means nothing apparently.#so yea I’m just seriously over it. over feeling dumb over feeling used#over feeling dumb as fuck for compromising on my boundaries and then having to put up with even less than that#mine#next time a man wants to give me head I’m gonna let him do it then leave. I’m not having sex anymore unless I’m hooking up specifically#I should have listened to him when he slowly revealed to me that he was not what I was looking for#guess what lesson learned. big time
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Guys….what if I said I’m going to CERTAINLY use this and make an 8 part story with a supernatural Academy setting similar to my pirate and dark fantasy series?? :)) I saw this in the morning and instantly got hit with an idea 💀😭🫠
But also…when I went to search for the pic on Twitter, I came across this:
And so WHAT IF I SAID I’LL WRITE A GENDER SWITCHED SNOW WHITE WITH YUNHO??????? AND WHAT IF INSTEAD OF A PRINCESS, THE PRINCE WILL NEED SAVING?????? WHAT THEN??? I’ll certainly write both ideas I just mentioned TRUST but guys, be patient with me, I have to finish my thesis until the 28th of May AND I BARELY STARTED IT NAUR
#just bvidzsoo things#ateez#ateez ot8#ateez x reader#TBH i want to hide myself in a dungeon and write all day long but life doesn’t permit that atm CRIES HARD#also guys…i wanted to keep this a secret because i wanted it to be a surprise but i suck at keeping surprises a secret SO MUCH#and so im here to say that i will write a Yuyu Spiderman fic soon#😭😭🙇🏻♀️🙇🏻♀️#be patient with me guys…i have so many stories planned it’s just that uni won’t let me live rn#but it’ll be over in july FINALLY#i’m going to write a mobster/assassin!jongho oneshot and a hades!mingi one too#and i have one poseidon!seonghwa too#atp i should write a greek god series for all of ateez 💀💀
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Can you believe it guys? Christmas! Just under 24 hrs away. Christmas is in less than 24 hrs. Woohoo! I am so [stares Nam flashbackly into the distance] about this information. :)
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Final procedure is today and it’s going to be a big one. I’ve been really nervous and a little all over the place, I apologise for being inconsistent lately
Once it’s done, it’ll be done and I’ll be focusing on recovery and hopefully I won’t be in pain anymore
#I’m trying to stay positive at the moment while my nerves are a little frayed and I’m kind of scared in all honesty#it’s nothing life threatening but it’s going to be a bit more mentally taxing especially so close to Christmas but it’ll be over soon#Autobimbosis
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so tired but i can’t fall asleep again because i’m worrying abt things
#classes start in 6 days i’m going to be sick#i can’t do this (<-doesn’t have a choice)#okay well. i Could drop out but if i don’t i can graduate in december and it would be a waste#it’ll all be over soon until then i’m going to scream and cry and throw up#i have to go in person i don’t want to i just want to stay at home#it’s scary to leave the house :(#thing thing is that actually it Will Be Fine i know it will i know how i work i will get used to it after a few weeks and i’ll probably#like it even but until then i’m going to feel like i’m going to die any time i think about it
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shakes like a scared prey animal. my ass has NOT been working. essay due on wednesday. haven’t started it yet. shakes like a cold wet kitten in the rain.
#I’m getting flashbacks to when I did my final comp essay in one night and was up till 6am. genuinely hell#NO.. NO PLEASE ..#I will be able to do it in. a short amount of time. I just really really really really no no wanna#then I gotta lock in for my final bio exams then DOUBLE LOCK IN AND FO ANOTHER ESSAY … SOB..#at least it’ll be over soon :/#UHGHGHH. THIS DYSFUNCTION HITS ME SO BAD AT THE EMD OF TJE SMEEYSER. IT HAPPENEDF LASY SEMSYER TOO. KILLSMYSLEFF#fUCK FINALS WEEK ALL MY HOMIES HATE FINALS WEEK!!!! FUCK.#hollowspeak
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Going to Germany today to visit my bro’s family! ✈️ 🇩🇪
Kinda considering this a test drive trip for when I visit @marinaqua in the Netherlands at the end of the month hhhHHHH can’t wait for that 🥰🥰🥰🩵💕🩵
#maggins' ramblings#i’m gonna see my lil niiieeceeee 🥰🥰🥰 she’s so cute and sOMEHOW inherited my tooth gap 🥲#but bOY I CANT WAIT FOR THE NL TRIP 👀👀👀#when me and mari get in the same vicinity it’s all over for you guys agdgsgs#MARI I MISS U SM WE SHALL SOON BE TOGETHER AGAIINNNN#it’ll also be the first time of me travelling by plane on my own hhhhh
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