#sometimes you need a buddy

[pearlcaddy]

GREGORY EDDIE & JANINE TEAGUES Abbott Elementary 2.10

[collgeruledzebra]

the thing about trying to recommend fiction podcasts to someone who isn't familiar with them is that not only are so so many genres represented but also the level of production can fall anywhere from "basically an audiobook" to "major motion picture minus the pictures"

[bumfuzzled-bee]

Just some lil guys getting ready for the day.

[wildlife4life]

8x01 Fuck-it Friday Coda

I'm back!!! The writing beans came to me and I had to write a post b-day scene. Hope ya'll enjoy!!! (Using this as my Fuck-it Friday as well!) Posted to A03 as well.

Tommy tried to apologize, tried to offer to help clean up, and suggested to give Buck a ride home. 

“Don’t” was Eddie’s first response before the apology could even get past the older man’s lips.

“I’ll deal with it later.” Was his second.

And Buck, merely shook his head and lead the pilot to the front door, hugging him in the doorway with too soft words Eddie doesn’t even try to catch.

He stays seated on the couch, laptop still closed, cone hate crushed in his fist and the stupid noise maker at his feet. Another birthday passing through a lagging computer screen. Another person he loves upset and angry for his choices.

Except there’s silence that echoes around him instead of the bustle of an army encampment. His body isn’t weighed down by miliary gear and the ever presence fear of dying in the sands of war.  Eddie is no longer that man in his early 20’s, running from his problems. Now he’s just a man in his mid-thirties, watching his son run away from him.

The couch dips to his right and warmth seeps into his numb body.  It spreads around his back and over his left shoulder.  The band of muscles around him, flex, pulling Eddie deeper and pushing the numbness further away.

Eddie doesn’t even try to fight it.  He closes his eyes, tipping his body sideways and burying his face into his best friend’s shoulder.

Buck doesn’t say anything.  He doesn’t try to apologize or offer to help clean, and he doesn’t suggest leaving Eddie to wallow alone. Because he doesn’t need to say any of those things.

Apologies from Buck aren’t going to salvage the failed birthday surprise.  Offers to clean the dollar store decorations and store-bought cupcakes will in no way make a dent in the disarray that is Eddie’s relationship with his son. And Eddie knows better than anyone, Buck is never going to leave him alone in this mess.

Side by side they sit in the silence that has been lingering since Christopher left for Texas.  Eddie breaths in the mixture of Buck’s cologne, laundry detergent, and something that is just uniquely Buck.  He takes breath after breath, and Buck matches each one with his own. Same rhythm. Same speed. Same heartache.

They sit there for minutes, hours, maybe even the rest of evening. The time didn’t matter, but this moment did, and Eddie needed to stay in it for just a little longer. He needed the line of warmth from Buck to chase away the remaining ache. He needed just a few more deep breaths with Buck’s scent lingering in the back of his throat. He needed Buck to keep holding onto him. He needed the silence to try and remember the echoes of previous birthdays where Christopher didn’t scoff, but smiled and laughed and returned his father’s hugs. He needed his son back.

But at this moment, his son didn’t need him.

It sobers Eddie, admitting that and he comes back to himself, breaking the bubble he secluded himself in with Buck.

He pulls his head from Buck’s shoulder and with a squeeze of his hand to Buck’s knee, Buck drops his arm, but the strength of his support remains. And when Eddie rises to his feet, disconnecting himself from Buck’s side, his warmth, his love, clings and doesn’t allow the numbness to return.

The silence is still there. The hurt and echoes of laughter’s past still resonance around them. There is still a mess. But Eddie isn’t alone with any of it.

Buck grabs the trash bag he laid out earlier and plucks the crumpled party hat from Eddie’s laxed grip. It makes the slightest rustle when dropped in the bag and again when followed by Buck’s red one.

“No cone hats next year, they’re uncomfortable.” Buck states as he tosses Tommy’s discarded blue hat in.

He reaches for the noise maker on the floor and Eddie manages to allow the smallest spark of hope to erupt with a tiny smile, “What do you suggest instead?”

The noise maker disappears into the trash bag and Buck’s eyes catch Eddie’s, lighting up with giddiness, “Depends.  Disney has the mickey ears, but what about universal? Shrek ears? Troll hair? Minion bald caps?”

A grand birthday plan is already in the works for Christopher’s 15th. Because Buck could see past pool clubs and renovation talks. He is seeing past the tangles in Eddie’s and Christopher’s distant relationship, beyond the anger and sadness.  His hope is larger than a single spark and one day, it will charge Eddie’s own.

One day, but not today.  So, Eddie shakes his head at Buck’s hat contemplations and makes his way over to the cupcake stand that is only missing one. “You’re baking these next year.” Eddie says softly.

Buck comes up behind him beaming, “You’re helping.”

Exactly what he needed to hear.

Tagging for fuck-it friday (no pressure): @colonoscopys @mattsire @bigfootsmom @tidesreach @kitteneddiediaz

@inell @pansysgothgf @smilingbuckley @shitouttabuck @dangerpronebuddie

@bucks-daddy-issues @tizniz @aroeddiediaz @cal-daisies-and-briars @lemonzestywrites

@diazsdimples @daffi-990 @diazheartsbuckley @transboybuckley @rainbow-nerdss

@theotherbuckley @lover-of-mine @jeeyuns @watchyourbuck @exhuastedpigeon

@spaceprincessem @starlingbite @glorious-spoon @jesuisici33 @hippolotamus

@prosperdemeter2 @try-set-me-on-fire @homerforsure @bekkachaos @honestlydarkprincess

@thekristen999 @sibylsleaves @mellaithwen @lonelychicago @tawaifeddiediaz

@fruitydiaz @monsterrae1 @elvensorceress @gayhoediaz @captain-hen

@eddiebabygirldiaz

[spectacledraws]

hmmm environment and texture study thing of the one of my fav parts of RD.. Micaiah and Soren’s dialogues are so everything

[uncanny-tranny]

Over the years, I've gotten a lot of cis people messaging me about how they should go about dating or courting somebody who's trans, and I always felt like my responses would almost... disappoint them because there isn't this magic secret to dating us.

Cis people, if you want to date us, just date us. We're human beings, we're not wild animals to tame! I promise you can have a healthy relationship with a trans person without needing to feel like the world will end if you mess up.

Trans people who date cis people often want to feel secure in your acceptance of them. You don't have to talk about our transness for hours on end to prove that you accept your loved one. You don't have to put on a display and cabaret about how Much You Accept Us. Just be a person around us, and let us be people, too!

I almost want to disappoint cis people by reminding them of this. Some of the best relationships I've had with cis people have been ones where my transness is acknowledged, sure, but it's acknowledged in the same way that my left-handedness is. It's not a joke to them, it isn't something to be horrified about, but it's also something that they don't objectify me for.

[herearedragons]

tag the oc that's most likely to get stuck in a time loop and what kind of time loop it would be

[lover-of-mine]

We say we're friends but I'm catching you across the room...

[ssaalexblake]

Dan's entire situation as a companion reminds me far more of classic who companions than any other nu!who one?

The doctor taking in somebody who strictly speaking doesn't have anywhere else to go, Dan ended up in the tardis bc what was implied to be one of his very few possessions (AKA his House) was destroyed and he really doesn't have options.

The doctor takes in misfits and the ones who want more and has for a very long time, yes, but the doctor also used to take in the ones with nowhere else to go as opposed to the ones who don't want to be where they had before.

It just has the vibes of classic who to me,

[where-the-water-flows]

thinking about a world where Li xiangyi does actually get murked in the donghai battle / of poison, but through a series of events, ends up kind of... wandering the world as a ghost for a while, which isn't great and gives him so much time to think about everything he fucked up, and then, because his life is a farce, ends up eventually accidentally possessing this brat.

this very familiar brat. this brat who has spent the last several years training and all but breaking himself to get strong enough, healthy enough, based on a dead man's words, this brat who just got his ass kicked out of the baichun court (again) and is already making plans for how he can conceal his identity to get through the exam next time.

this very familiar brat he would fucking like to unposess as fast as possible, actually, only it appears they are fucking stuck with each other, and ok, maybe finishing unfinished business will let him, y'know, move on to his well deserved punishment of the afterlife, and thus: it's time for a weird ghost road trip.

(fang doubing has doubts about the literal fucking ghost in his head, who is very clearly lying about, uh, a lot of things, but on the other hand he is learning like, so much about investigating and also just every topic under the sun it feels like, and it's not exactly being a proper detective, but... he's got a year, anyway, and maybe showing up with a solved case or twelve under his belt will convince them to give him a chance)

[grapejuicegay]

A... rather personal defense of Pran

I've seen a lot of people being confused about Pran's behaviour and rather upset by him. But like @waitmyturtles said in their review, "I see Pran dealing with something really complicated." Which, yes. That's what this post is about. I just don't think it's about Singapore.

It's about Pran's OCD. I think there was a consensus last week with the way Pran talked about it that it was a recent diagnosis. And I think this episode just confirmed that for me.

This is where the personal part begins - I was diagnosed with OCD in 2020, in the very first few months of covid. When I told people about it I got about the same response that we had to Pran - it's not surprising but it's good that it's an official diagnosis now.

Such a diagnosis is almost a relief when you get it because suddenly a lot of things start making sense. But it also comes with a very fun challenge - learning to deal with it. Because while you understand why you get so much more anxious and overthink more than most people, you're also suddenly more aware of your thought patterns. You have to be, to find a way to work through them, to not give into the intrusive thoughts. But looking at the intrusive thoughts is one of the best ways to let them take over. You do have to look at them though, because you have to learn to recognise them. Because you cannot deal with them until you do. It's a rough cycle.

I was a few years older than Pran when I was diagnosed, and in a very different place in my life. The pandemic that we didn't know a lot about at that time looming over our heads did not help my anxiety, but the lockdown gave me something really special - time and space to work through it all. I wasn't in college so I didn't have the constant looming threat of deadlines and figuring out my future in that very moment. I also didn't have the very unique set of stressors Pran lives with - friends and family from whom you're hiding a relationship that if revealed could potentially lead to very severe consequences, consequences that in the past have been the worst of his anxieties come to life. Nor a relationship to maintain while being overtly aware at all times that this is not the kind of relationship your partner would really want, that they're only in this because of you.

And there is the sacrifice of it all. There is the thing that keeps coming up again and again - that Pat does so much for him. That Pat helps him all the time, that Pat's sacrificed so much for him, that Pran isn't sure he's good enough or ever will be.

Add to that the regular reminders from Pat that he overthinks. They're meant in a very good way and they do help in the moment, I'm not denying that at all. But it's also a fact that Pran struggles with. It adds to his concern that he's a burden on Pat with the way he thinks, that Pat has to do so much work because of Pran's brain, something Pat had no say over (something Pran had no say over but it's harder to see it like that in the moment).

I've had my diagnosis for the past 3 years now. And it hasn't been until the past year that I've finally started feeling confident in myself and my ability to regulate my anxiety, to finally start feeling like I have control over my brain. Because as much as knowing the diagnosis helps, the work you have to do afterwards is no joke.

So yes, Pran is going through something very heavy, but it's not the prospect of going to Singapore (I don't believe that exists just yet, but it's coming soon). Pran is in the process of figuring out how to make his brain work in his favour instead of actively against him. He's learning to rely on people when he needs to while fighting off constant reminders that he's a burden.

And we've seen Pran make a lot of progress. Any points at which he talks about being anxious are progress. Any time he lets himself be upset is progress. Any time time he says any of his worries out loud (even if he can't say them directly to Pat yet), he has fought his way through who knows how many intrusive thoughts to get to that point. And in the same regard - he probably feels guilty about having Pat say "I can't live without you" first. Because he's likely just as aware that Pat has done so much for him that this is just another thing he's adding on top of that.

But - and I think this is very big - he knows that he needs Pat to say it first, to give him permission to feel this, that this isn't too much for him to ask for. This is him asking for help to express himself when he feels like too much. It helps them both in the long run. And I do think it's a very important step to get what we saw in ep 12 - a Pran that demands love, that demands to be babied. This is him giving himself permission through the hardest part of learning his diagnosis.

I love that we get this between ep 11 and 12 because with this ep 12 also becomes a hug, a way of telling us things may be rough for him but he gets through it. He'll get where he needs to be, wants to be. Just give him some time. Because just like with the parents, sometimes time is just what you need.

[churchandstateofbeing]

sometimes love is watching someone lose all of the money your boss gave you for chefs tools at a casino and then immediately volunteering to lose a bunch of your own items in exactly the same way just because he’s convinced you that it’s a good idea

[thedisablednaturalist]

Office disability culture is so fucked in environmental science and fieldwork. Like the mindset that to do the job you have to be in perfect physical health or you should just quit. Like I'm not talking about something that is 100% physical labor here, everything is mostly achievable with aids and you don't need to be able to do every single thing. But there's this weird like..pride..that my older coworkers have. They work out in the gym and brag about how many reps they did. They tease each other for having medical issues. They don't ask for accommodations because they fear that their legitimacy will be hurt. That it means that they can't do their job anymore. That they won't be TRUSTED to do their jobs anymore. That it will get taken away.

So they FURTHER hurt their bodies by not resting, not taking breaks, not using ergonomic equipment, not using safety equipment. Not drinking enough water. Not using mobility aids when they are so old that it's supposed to be acceptable. They don't use the scooters at the grocery store, they don't use their handicapped placard, they don't use knee pads or compression gloves.

And here I come in, 24 years old, looking perfectly healthy. And I use walking sticks, I sit down a lot, I have my care bag, I have a ton of gadgets for making fieldwork more comfortable, I have boundaries and limits, I wear braces and knee pads and compression gloves. I use my handicapped placard.

They react in one of two ways:

1. How DARE I. I'm so lucky to be young and no one sees THEM having to do all those things (literally nothing is stopping them but pride). Like old man if you need a break take a fucking break. I'm not going to hurt my health to make you feel better about hurting yours. I'm not risking a flare up to spare the 65 year olds feelings. Im gonna take my break and use my equipment cause my boss doesn't care as long as the work gets done. I'm tired of glares from 100 year olds making themselves struggle across the parking lot when they could also be using the fucking scooter. (I never take the last scooter, there's always another available. Also it's not my fault if walmart only provides 2 scooters for the whole store).

2. It shows them its okay. Its okay to need aids. When I first showed up at my job it was very...macho..everyone was afraid of seeming old (theres probably only 3 of us under 30 in the whole department, most people are at least 50, mainly 65 year olds). Then they saw me using my walking sticks, taking my medicine openly, bringing a chair with me when working away from my desk, using my TENS unit. I overheard one lady ask her granddaughter what fibromyalgia was (apparently she had spotted my pain tracking journal).

My older coworker with a bad knee got a walking stick like mine and beamed when she showed me. The grandmother uses a cane and a walker interchangeably and more often. I get asked where I get my little portable fan and pocket heaters and special clothing. Even abled coworkers are doing it. My coworker who's younger than me sets alarms to take breaks now just like I do. People seem more comfortable using things that help them now.

My boss has really struggled. He has a lot of internalized ableism and hates thinking of himself as crippled. He spent his whole life physically active and strong and all these health issues and overexertion are catching up with him. Like he did environmental testing in areas with fucking radon. He did work where they threw asbestos around like snow for fun. He's done a ton of really hard physical work. He grew up with the mentality that pain was just something everyone has to push through. But I think seeing a young person make the choice not to push through is helping him a bit. He wants to make his own walking stick, he goes to the doctor more. We bond over having constant medical issues and I even gave him the name of my surgeon. Yea he still says stuff like "shoot me if I have to use a wheelchair" (not as much anymore since he now knows I use one) but he's getting there.

Yeah so I've had this in my drafts for a bit and I wanted to update that my boss has been walking around with a fucking broken ankle for the past couple of weeks. He thought it was just arthritis pain and eventually couldn't take it anymore and went to the foot doctor. The doctor has no clue how the fuck he's been walking on it. Now he has to wear the boot and he's banned from fieldwork while he heals.

Older people and the elderly need to learn that it's okay to not push through the pain and ask for help. Everyone needs to learn this, and not be like my fucking boss. Go to the doctor, get that sore joint checked out. Get those tests done. Use that aid. Stop walking on a broken ankle just because you can.

[potatobugz]

sleeping

[shiningstarr15]

Alright I’ve seen enough takes on this and while I understand everyone’s viewpoint and validate it I want to give mine bc mine is probably a very niche perspective.

When it comes to the relationship between Gregory and Vanessa, I do view them as siblings. And no not in the umbrella way, not in the “this is the only thing that makes the most sense” sort of way, I mean they have sibling energy period. And I’ll tell you why.

Bc I do not view them as being immediate found family. At all. They have too much trauma both independently and with each other. I don’t even think they’d like each other very much at first. I feel like their initial relationship would be more of a ”you saved me so I’ll return the favor by helping you out” way.

Personally. I don’t think relationships with strong bonds should immediately go into something romantic or familial (maybe it’s cuz I’m raging aroace and very platonic/queerplatonic bc I know that’s an unpopular opinion) but in my eyes, you NEED TO BUILD A FRIENDSHIP FIRST. and I think that’s exactly what they’re gonna do.

They’re gonna slowly and gradually form a friendship, one that most people would think is strange and unusual bc it’s an adult and a child but let’s be fr neither of them are what you’d consider “typical” (yes I personally hc them both being ND. Again, this is my opinion). I also don’t think they don’t really give af what people think. So why would they bother putting a label that they don’t really agree with on them? No imo they won’t do that unless they truly do mean it.

Again, this could very well be projecting. But I am personally someone that doesn’t like being given a “sister” label unless it’s actually meant. Maybe it’s my extreme sibling complex. But I don’t think I’m wrong for feeling that way. And imo, I think overtime they would view each other in the way best friends view each other as siblings. I don’t even think there would even need to be anything legal. But if there was, she would be a legal guardian at best. Bc it still gives the freedom to identify how they choose. And to me, it’s very similar to Lilo and Nani from “Lilo and Stitch.”

Bc I think two things can be true at the same time. Vanessa can be a caregiver, and have some responsibilities when it comes to making sure Gregory is ok and kept safe. But also, she herself needs someone to take care of her. Bc she can’t. And while I do like the idea of Freddy taking care of them both, I also like them taking care of each other.

She definitely has aspects that could be seen as maternal, but I don’t view her as essentially parental. She simply isn’t ready. There’s too much trauma and a bit of emotional immaturity (again not a bad thing, she’s very childlike imo). I think she sees him more equal than that. Not someone that is helpless and needs to be watched 24/7. But someone that needs a little guidance every now and then. And that’s where I think looking up to her in an older sibling kinda way comes in.

She’s like a combined playmate and caregiver. An equal partner but also someone that takes on the worst of the burden so he doesn’t have to. Even though he will do so anyway bc he cares that much about her.

So yea, that’s my take on their relationship. Again, it’s just my opinion, and I understand people not agreeing and wanting something else for them. But this is how I choose to view them, and I don’t think that it’s wrong ❤️

[writterings]

they need to make plushie holders you can wear. i want my little buddy on me while i do tasks that require movement and my hands. do you understand.