#...because your relationship with a trans person will likely /not/ affect a trans stranger...

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  dartlekey! @dartlekey has 11 fics in the Stranger Things Fandom and 9 of them are in the Steddie tag!.

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @dartlekey:

If you were church (I'd get on my knees)

RUSH! (T4T REMIX)

At a medium pace

With great power

"I read the "with great power" series not long after I got into the Steddie fandom and was instantly like "I need to raid this author's other fics" and subscribed to them. No regrets for that choice!!" -- Anonymous

Below the cut, @dartlekey answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

For me, Steddie hits that sweet spot of strong characterization but woefully underexplored details, both for the individual characters but also their dynamic with each other in canon. That makes their relationship the ideal writer's sandbox - since they're both so fluid, you can explore the characters through each other, showcasing many different and even conflicting facets of each other while still retaining their original characters and behaviors. Either of them can be rich or poor, famous or an everyguy, Gay or Bisexual, Dom or Sub, Top or Bottom, Trans in any direction - the details are up to you! 

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I love a good slowburn friends-to-lovers fic. It needs to be a specific kind for me though - I'm not much one for prolonged pining, but I love it when the friendship is explored in such depth that the next step feels like an inevitability. Watching that deep platonic affection turn not-so-platonic, that's the good shit. 

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

My specialty as a writer, I think, is crack treated seriously, or crack with a twist. Usually the first question that sparks one of my fics is “If X happened, would that be hilarious or what?” and then the second is “But if it was because of Y, would that be fucked up or what?” I think you can see it best in If you were church I'd get on my knees (what if Steve was a stripper at Eddie's stag party BUT it was actually a social commentary on queerness and sexuality in the face of religious oppression), but it's in At a medium pace too (what if Eddie couldn't move his arms because of injury so Steve “has” to jerk him off, but it's actually about how growing up queer can warp your perspective on healthy sexuality) , or even in Don't look back (What if Eddie had to dom Steve for plot reasons, but it's all body horror and trauma and spiraling codependency). 

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

I don’t think I could name one all-time favorite, because what I enjoy most about fanfic is that different writers bring different character interpretations, storytelling styles and plot ideas to the table, which I find incomparable. I have enjoyed many of the well-known classics, of course (pukner I owe you my life--), but let me use this chance to give a shout-out to some less well-known masterpieces! My top three underrated fics are Three Days on the Red Planet by CaptainHoney/@grandmastattoo on tumblr (retro scifi, gritty but humorous hopepunk, every single fic of theirs is a certified banger but I love this one the most for some reason!!), Love dirty men alike by wrenowich (chef au, an ode to kitchen culture in all its griminess, I love a detailed backstory plus Steddie being wonderfully weird about each other), and That’s just wasteland, baby! by fastcardotmp3 (post-s4 apocalypse survival, sweet and aching and tired and yet hopeful, made me cry in the best way). 

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

One that's pretty unique to the steddie fandom, or perhaps general stranger things fandom, is “if canon event x had happened differently/hadn't happened at all/had happened to a different person, how would the rest of canon change?” I still need to work out a lot of details in my head, so that's all I'll say for now, but it's something I'm very interested in exploring.

What is your writing process like?

Much to the horror of fic writers everywhere, I don't do first drafts, I just write out everything in detail, scene by scene in chronological order. I edit as I go, and consider the many-numbered, often unplanned writing breaks an important part of my process - when I let the written portion sit for a while and the unwritten ideas percolate in my brain for a bit, I often end up with new plot points or solutions for problems I've been having! And when that inspiration strikes, I can write anywhere - on the train, during lunch break at work, in the vegetable aisle of the grocery store… I have gdocs on my phone and I use it liberally; I'd say I write at least 80% of any given fic on my phone. 

Do you have any writing quirks?

Apart from the hot mess I just described, I'd say it's that I never use Beta readers. I'll occasionally ask friends to help with specific details if I need an expert on certain subject matter, but I've found I get very grumpy and fussy if someone pokes at my plot (even if or rather especially if they’re right lol), and I don't want to subject anyone to that. 

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

For oneshots or series comprised of single-chapter fics I like posting as soon as I'm done, but for multi-chapter works I've recently found that starting to post only after I've finished most (if not all) chapters beforehand improves the quality of the story! Since I tend to integrate new ideas or shift around plot points a lot while writing, I often end up in completely different places than my original concept, so if an early chapter isn't posted yet I can retroactively edit it to add foreshadowing or tone-match the end of the work, remove loose threads and suchlike. Don't look back is a good example of how this has worked out for me; comparatively It don't bite (Yes it do) - which I wrote and posted chapter by chapter - is tonally all over the place. 

Which fic are you most proud of?

Naturally I love all my babies, but I consider Don't look back my magnum opus - both because it is the longest fic I've ever written (13 chapters and 90.000 words in total, that's practically a novel!) and because it's the most plot-rich, labor-intensive, and overall serious in tone. I even worked in subplots about the rest of the cast, so it almost reads like its own season. I wrote it for last year's Steddie Bigbang, which means there's also a gorgeous accompanying artwork by @the-chilly-kat. 

How did you get the idea for With great power?

At the time I'd seen a few marvel AUs floating past me on the tumblr timeline, usually with Steve as Spiderman and Eddie as the human component of Venom, and having just recently seen the Venom movie depicting the rich relationship between Eddie Brock and the symbiote, it surprised me that most left the symbiote as its own character, and not substituted one of the ST main cast. The symbiotic relationship of Stobin immediately came to mind, though I also still loved the idea of Steve as Spidey - then I remembered that in the Toby McGuire movies, the two are not mutually exclusive, and it all spiraled from there. Eddie as Deadpool just made sense - immortal wild-card with a dubious moral code but a heart of gold? Obviously! Plus Spideypool is, of course, a classic ship. 

When writing With great power, what was something you didn’t expect?

I actually got several curious comments about the sex toy Steve uses in Because the night - a grindable or grinder, which is a flat-ish silicone structure, usually ribbed in an interesting way, that one can grind against to get off (as the name suggests). I thought it was pretty common, but apparently it's not very well known!

What inspired  RUSH! (T4T REMIX)?

Oh, it's my time to gush! Because the idea for the first work actually came about from a late night conversation I had with the beautiful, amazing, wonderful @maikaartwork, back when we were, how should I say, in the courting stage? Seeing as we met through the Steddie fandom, I decided to write Baby Said basically to seduce them - and I am happy to say it worked, as we've been dating for over eight months now and are planning to move in together next year! Both works from RUSH! - T4T REMIX (and the secret new WIP, shh) are thus somewhat inspired by our conversations and our t4t relationship, but also by the many interesting and different trans people I've met over the years, and trans solidarity and relationships in general.

What was your favorite part to write from At a medium pace?

The small-talk in between position changes - no, really! I love a mindless marathon-fuck story as much as the next person, but there's something very sweet and intimate about those little breaks in sex, the pass the lube, move your leg a bit, what's for dinner later of it all. That's where you see that emotional connection - there's no admission of crushes or big love confessions in this fic because it's right there in the details.

How do/did you feel writing RUSH! (T4T REMIX)?

Honestly, it's just really really fun and self-indulgent. The Steddie dynamic in it is so bitchy, all the bickering makes me laugh even as I'm writing it. It's also just really fun to write about the trans experience in a way that is curious and loving, and reflects all the very different and yet similar ways people experience living in a body that defies expectation. I've loved all my fellow trans people sounding off in the comments about their own transition experiences, it's wonderful to have such a fantastic community!

What was the most difficult part of writing If you were church (I'd get on my knees)?

Curiously enough, not the many religious trauma bits! Much like Eddie in the fic, I'm only church-freak adjacent - I grew up in a non-religious household but with extended family that were extremely catholic, so the odd juxtaposition of being occasionally close to but definitely not involved in what is pretty much cult behavior inspired much of this fic. The most functionally difficult part to write was actually the wedding - as an aro-spec & trans relationship anarchist, church weddings have never been relevant to me, so I had very little idea what actually goes into one! Very little of the research I conducted on the topic actually made it into the fic, but hey, the more you know. 

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

People keep asking me that, and I never know what to answer! If I had to pick one, though, maybe the last few paragraphs of Don't look back - where you can see the tragedy coming, but there's no way of stopping it, because it was always going to end this way. And then Eddie's last words before the end of the fic call back to the title as well as the general theme of the fic - it just all comes together for such a crescendo of an ending. 

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Yes, actually! Coming soon in the SteddieBang'24, me and my lovely artist @hawkinsleather have been working hard on a 20k post-s4 fic called A glimpse of your canvas, which is about closeted transfemme!Eddie, women's solidarity, and Steve's very confusing no-good trip to the gay bar. Both With great power and RUSH! (T4T REMIX) have another WIP pending which I'll eventually finish (I promise, I'm just easily distracted!!), and for those who are still mad about Don't look back’s open ending, I'm almost done with the sequel, which features a lot of bad decisions by all characters involved, the healing power of community, and a bit of accidental child acquisition. 

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

Given the chance of this platform, I would like to notify my readers that I'm a terrible procrastinator when it comes to replying to comments, but I read and cherish every one of them - and repeat commenters, I see you, I love you, I am chewing on your arm like a dog with a bone!! I would also like to thank the steddie fandom in general for giving me the hottest partner known to man or God, and for the many friendships I've been so fortunate to build here. Talk about transformative works, am I right? <3 

Thank you to our author, @dartlekey, and our anonymous nominator! See more of dartlekey's works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[coff-in]

I fought with my ex partner (we’re (or, we were) friends) just because I like the game so I’m just going to request the first thing that comes to your mind

notes from coff-in: aw man, i'm sorry to hear that 'nonnie :( i'm not all that good at comforting strangers but i hope that you're able to enjoy the game still. this is jsut me rambling about my oc, i hope it makes you feel a little bit better or entertained

rambling, oc talk (amy "mimi" graves)

i've been mostly thinking about my oc amy lately. her relationship with nina is supposed to have made a big impact on her that persists after her death. nina was supposed to be her first friends outside of her siblings, a relationship that she would have to herself, you know? a more platonic (possible one-sided romantic) relationship rather than a familial one.

the romantic thing is something i've been focusing on too. mimi forms... really strong attachments to people. or maybe she just really liked nina, and it made nina's death disappearance more impactful to her. leyley's manipulation didn't help either since she told mimi that nina left because of her or something she did (though the reasoning was vague), mimi took it to heart and sort of internalized it.

nina and mimi's relationship wasn't the best because it was a friendship of convenience. they were both using each other for their own goals that weren't friendship or companionship (mimi was seeking it out, but she mostly just wanted to be able to have an outside life from andy and leyley [so she wouldn't feel like she was burdening them so even her outside life was for them] while nina was using mimi to get brownie points for andy's affection). i keep flip flopping their relationship in my head. i like the idea that over time, mimi and nina's relationship became something genuine and possibly sapphic (at least on mimi's side) and nina not reciprocating this feeling would cause mimi to close up and become more inward, i guess. on the other hand, i don't see nina hanging out with mimi any more than what she needed to in order to look good to andy. i'm pretty sure nina was older than leyley (she responds to leyley's plan of hide and seek with "you're such a kid" or something along those lines, which wouldn't make too much sense if her and leyley were the same age).

and since nina was mimi's main/only close friend outside of andy and leyley, the rest of mimi's social life kinda collapses after that. especially since mimi is associated with leyley, no one really wants to hang out with her either (i think her trans/queerness could also play a role in her isolation too, depending if you want to see the game's world as someplace harsh and cruel**). nina's disappearance affected mimi's grades, her mood and personality, and her self-image. what did she do so wrong that nina would just leave? what if she did it again? what she too much? was she too little? it would cause her to detach herself from having a social life... why bother if you're going to fuck up and they leave? it's better to just stay to yourself. if she needs to talk to someone she has andy and leyley to talk to (and even then, they could also leave her. they just can't because they're siblings and currently aren't old enough to move out. but they could. if her own parents don't love her then what's stopping her siblings from not loving her too?)

mimi and amy should feel different, even if it's subtle. nemlei is a remarkably great writer so it's a little hard trying to, uh, replicate her level of writing or depth in her characters. one difference in my head is that mimi likes having affection given to her ("i like hanging out with you" or "you're my best friend") while amy shies away from it (brushing it off or trying to deflect the complements to someone/thing else). having people tell amy that they like freaks her out so much that she screams and yells at them to take it back, to tell her that they think she's alright or the fucking worst or else she won't calm down. she doesn't want a repeat incident like nina again. she doesn't want to get so attached to someone that it'll hurt her when they inevitably leave. it's why she makes herself quiet and small (though she's naturally short), and by small i mean her presence. she doesn't have a lot of her own stuff and anything she has it kept tidy in a box somewhere under a bed or in a closet. her clothes are borrowed or handed down, they're in some sense not hers (even though they may belong to her currently).

i think of a scenario where andrew and ashley try to admit to amy that they like hanging out with her, that they don't want to leave her alone so they can live their own lives or whatever delusion amy tells herself is real. they love her. and she panics. she says "that's nice... thanks" or "if you say so" or maybe a "whatever you say, big bro/sis". the more persistent they are about it, the more aggressive amy gets until she's telling them to "shut up! shut up, shut up, shut up!" or "no! take it back, take it back!!" or even maybe "liar!!" she doesn't like it. how genuine they sound, the gentle looks they're giving her, the honesty in their voice. it's not real... it can't be real because if it is then it'll be more painful when they do leave. she's crying and sobbing as they hold her in their arms, "you can't do that! you can't do this to me..."

"you can't hurt me again... i can't... i can't..."

or you know, something like that. sorry if it doesn't make sense.

** i think queerphobia wouldn't be an uncommon thing to come across in the world of tcoaal, however i don't know if it would be so prevalent in elementary/middle school... i guess it could be since children tend to echo some bigotry that they hear from adults or others ("that's gay!" "you punch like a girl" said as something negative, etc etc)

----

coff-in

[lillified]

Hello! I hope you don't mind this, but I've been trying to better understand He/Him lesbianism, but google isn't very helpful and I've heard a lot of explanations and I wanted to hear your side of it since your Megatron seems to align with that? Your explanations tend to make more sense to my neurodivergent brain 😅

-Bi lady trying to better understand the peeps around her ❤

I mean, I’m probably not the best person to explain this and you’re probably better off asking someone who is one, since everybody’s reasoning and experience is different. I’ll try to give a basic overview to get you started, but I really can’t claim to speak to everyone, if even very many, people’s experience:

The basic principle is that pronouns are social arbitrage and are indicative of how other people in society perceive you, but they are limited to describe the scope of gender experience. you may not be a man, but still identify strongly with masculinity and ���benefit” from some of the social consequences of presenting and performing masculinity—or, in many cases, the rigid expectation of femininity is just way too narrow and suppressive. The tragic fact is there really isn’t a lot of precedent or understanding for women who aren’t feminine or perform feminine roles, and those expectations are so ingrained that they infect the core of people’s expectations of womanhood. I’ve heard butches describe that sometimes it’s just easier to use masculine identifiers because it helps people understand, which is something I’ve experienced to a lesser degree (even now as I’ve become less ambivalent with my gender I still frequently call myself “guy” and “man” and similar things).

All that being said, presenting socially as masculine doesn’t necessarily change who you are, or how you experience the world. Butchness is very performative and masculine, but deep down most butches have a connection to women and femininity that is extremely strong. Womanhood is an isolating and often dangerous experience, and, historically, lesbianism isn’t JUST about relationships, but the effort of women to find protection and support from sexism, oppression and violence within themselves. Being butch, even to the point that you “pass” and don’t experience as much targeting for being feminine, doesn’t erase your connection and experience with the feminine, and with womanhood. Whether you are cis or trans, your experience of the world and your treatment at the hands of other people has, and probably will always be, affected by that overarching social expectation, and often detriment, of womanhood.

Being butch is a personal celebration of the fluidity of one’s gender and the performance of masculinity, but just because it rejects the appearance of the feminine, that doesn’t mean it dislikes or “rejects” femininity. This is something I’ve struggled to reconcile for myself, but it feels demonstrably true. Your physicality, appearance, and social role may appear masculine, but manhood is more than just short hair and pants, just like womanhood is more than long hair and dresses. They’re simple blanket statements intended to describe a range of human experience that is extremely vast, both socially and biologically. Your pronouns can describe you to strangers and peers, but they don’t always represent your experience and reality, and that’s where you get he/him lesbians, who are masculine in performance, but feel a connection and allegiance to womanhood that is far deeper than someone who identifies as a man might.

that being said in Megatron’s case (can’t believe we got here from a transformers question), while I use he/him pronouns for him, they aren’t his only ones, nor are they even the ones I’d say he’d choose. I see him as ambivalent, and a performer; he presents a very exaggerated, masculine persona to hold power and communicate strength, so masculinity is something others see and expect from him. In a situation where power games weren’t mandatory, I could honestly see him preferring other pronouns. I guess that does kind of tie in with what I described, lol.

Anyway, I hope this helped, at least a little bit! I got kinda rambly there, apologies. I feel like the nightmare scenario of guy whose interests include gender study nonsense and transformers. once again, I am just one person and I’m definitely not the best qualified, so please seek out other material if you’re confused, and remember that everybody’s relationship with gender is completely different!

[rotationalsymmetry]

Im mostly going to drop this because not all ridiculous arguments are worth engaging with. But hey. One more ridiculous argument for the road.

"It's like if someone wanted to come up with a white equivalent of transmisogynoir."

Ok, but "white woman" in a white dominant society (ie most of the people in power are white, there's a cultural history of presenting non-white people as less competent, safe, worthy of protection etc) literally means "a woman who is in the most privileged/societally default position possible in regards to race"

"Trans masc" does not mean "trans person who meets society's expectation of a normal, default trans person" or "trans person who is the most privileged sort of trans person."

Because, sure, cis men are privileged relative to cis women. (Which doesn't mean cis men have no issues special to men. Obviously they do. Men have shorter lives than women ffs. And men with other things going on -- men of color, disabled men, poor men, men with ADHD specifically, etc -- have stuff going on with that that are not automatically the same as or strictly less bad than stuff going on with women in the same situation.) But. Being trans...can't be separated from gender. A trans masc is generally speaking someone who used to move through the world as a woman, and for some trans mascs (like you know, me) still does.

And it's fucking wild to be told "oh, the second you decided your gender wasn't strictly uncomplicatedly just a woman, you became just as privileged as a cis man." That's got nothing to do with reality.

And I mean, I think there's room for nuance there. I think there's room for going huh, maybe I was resistant to some self image stuff that people who uncomplicatedly identify as a woman get. That's pretty cool! But it's not going to affect like my income. Or whether I got my ass squeezed by a stranger walking home from work that one time. Or whether I got sexually assaulted by my first boyfriend. Or whether I had extra medical needs in my late 20's due to a series of abnormal Pap smears. Or whether an ability to get pregnant has very much affected my relationship to sex. Etc etc.

And again, yeah, in some ways it would make more sense to call both things transmisogyny! But I don't think the people who hate the term transmisandry would actually be any happier about that.

As far as I can tell, what they actually want is a nice clean model of reality where they can always tell which group has more privilege than which other group. (So that they can always "elevate the more marginalized voices" and I guess just not ever listen to the people they've pre-decided are more privileged?) Which is...not a good understanding of privilege. And is really bad for people's ability to admit they have more to learn.

As a side note, if you were going to do some sort of riff on misogynoir, it would make more sense to go with black men than white women. But there's a whole history there that I don't actually know enough about to start expounding on, you know? I just see pieces. Black men being seen as dangerous in a way that consistently puts them in danger, and which is very much tied up with the prison industrial complex, and how that in turn also hurts black women, who tend to be stuck with all the childcare and none of the financial support, and with providing all the emotional support for a partner or son or brother or father who's been deliberately isolated from his community. And white feminist circles in the 70's being sure that they didn't have to worry about black women because something about "matriarchy" and black women having a lot of relative power within black communities? I think in retrospect it was just blatant "ugh we don't want to have to care about you at all."

I wonder how many people throwing around misogynoir as a comparison even understand what it means or whether they think it means "black women have strictly worse issues than white women" like, the whole point is that if your misogyny model of the world is based exclusively on white women's data, you're going to be missing stuff.

The point is, listen to more people.

Don't ever assume you know what someone else's issues are. Don't ever assume you're done understanding how the world works.

Anyways, in Meyers-Briggs terms I'm a Perciever if you couldn't tell, and I realize settling into models of the world is important at some point to do things. "There is a strict hierarchy of privilege and marginalization, and it's this:" is the wrong model. "Different people have different issues, there are certain patterns of some people's issues getting ignored more than other issues, it's good to look around for ways to counter that and also if marginalized people work together we're more likely to get what we want" is a good model. I like grounding it in class, that thing that US Americans hate talking about but which explains so much, but I don't think people strictly have to do that especially when they're putting anti-capitalism in the center of the wheel in its place. And for me there also a very strong "people forcing other people to do things is bad, more freedom/autonomy is better" and I don't actually know how you can even come to the conclusion that trans people -- that self-identification -- is a real thing without that.

This privilege/marginalization stuff doesn't exist so people can get "most oppressed" prizes. It exists as a conceptual tool to help us get things we want in the real world. Doctors who use our pronouns, and who know how to recognize medical conditions showing up on dark skin and who don't reflexively dismiss women's health complaints or assume black people don't feel pain as badly. Anti-discrimination laws. Trans women who get arrested getting to be in women's prisons and not men's prisons. (I mean, better to not have prisons at all, but one step at a time.) Higher minimum wage or UBI or both. In the US, student loan forgiveness, free higher education going forwards, and universal health care. Neighborhoods where you don't have to drive to get to the nearest grocery store or hardware store. Disability payments where you can save money or get married without losing your only source of income. A world where non-standard pronouns are normalized and kids grow up knowing they don't have to stick with the gender their parents told them they were. A world where people can walk down the street with any gender presentation holding hands with anyone of any gender presentation and not be in danger. A world where black people and disabled people don't have to worry they'll be shot dead just for existing in public, a world where black people and disabled people can thrive and life full long lives surrounded by a community that values our lives. A world where trans people of any age can get appropriate health care without obnoxious, hostile laws interfering, a world where people who want kids can have them and those who don't have easy access to birth control and abortion.

It's not about being right on the internet. It's about a world that's good to live in. And our main enemies aren't people who are marginalized in slightly different ways or people whose understanding of which groups are most marginalized are slightly different. Our enemies are people who hate all trans people, who hate all queer people, who want white people to be in charge and people of color to be subordinated or possibly be somewhere else entirely or dead. That doesn't mean we can't have our disagreements, some intracommunity conflict is normal and healthy and frankly inevitable. But...we should be seeing it as conflict, as disagreement, between people who are basically on the same side, not do the things terfs do and go "oh, wow, these other women are the main problem, no we can't possibly ally against the enforcers of patriarchy, here's the real enemy."

[whumpy-wyrms]

mundane and rot for the ask game :3

(from this ask game)

34. MUNDANE - Would you survive in the shoes of your main character?

I THINK ABOUT THIS A NORMAL AMOUNT (all the time) SO. would i survive if i was Dew… short answer: yes i’d basically become best friends with Anton right away because i’m insane.

long answer:

it depends on whether i Knew Anton beforehand or not (about to say the most unhinged shit and expose myself but idc), but either way, if i got kidnapped by a mad scientist who used me as a test subject but actually tried to be Nice to me and GAVE ME FREE TOP SURGERY AND WINGS… I DON’T THINK I WOULD WANT TO LEAVE. THINK ABOUT IT. if there was an autistic trans mad scientist who was best friends with a talking mouse and could give me wings i think i would choose to stay in sci-fi world instead of living on my own working at mcdonald’s and struggling to pay rent (that’s metaphorical, i don’t do that stuff (yet unfortunately)).

and i wouldn’t even be trapped there against my will for long either. i would literally Not last long as Anton’s test subject because the second we become friends and trust each other, he’ll just feel bad about hurting me and literally let me do whatever i want. we’d team up and become unstoppable. i would be free to do my own thing but like, still hang out with him obviously and i’d show him the beauty in the world and change his mind about the whole,, torturing innocent people thing. basically i can fix him. that’s what im saying here.

also not to spoil but Anton’s the type of guy where like, the second he’d form a genuine human relationship with someone, he’d just abandon the whole “kidnapping and (unethical) experimenting on unwilling human test subjects” thing. because there’d be no real point anymore. yeah, science makes him happy but so does having a best friend! and he’d still be a silly mad scientist!! but ethical!! mostly!! we’d team up, abandon the whole immortality thing because it’s stupid, and go hunt down Pierce and kill him!! it would just be fun.

if i was Dew, i would literally scrap trying to escape and instead focus on becoming friends with Anton because that Would Be one of the best outcomes. so yea :3 i may be weird but at least im honest about it (honestly though, i daydream about being friends with all my ocs :( they’re just so cool and we would get along so well. im normal. ignore me). this got long and rambly oops

OH YEAH about if i Knew Anton beforehand or not, like if it was a situation where the Present Me right now, like the person who is typing this and Knows everything about Anton because i created him, then that’d def affect things because i’d have access to all my prior knowledge about his character and backstory. it’d def make things faster and easier because like, i’d know who he is and what he’s capable of, and he wouldn’t be a complete stranger. but if i DIDN’T know Anton and if he was literally a stranger to me and not my oc, then it’d be scary at first but it’d still turn out the same.

i mean you guys don’t understand how deep this goes. before Dew existed, the daydreams i had with the unnamed scientist whumper (Anton) were all just,, Me as his test subject whumpee. i was Dew before Dew was Dew. OBVIOUSLY HE’S NOT A SELF INSERT ANY! MORE! HE’S HIS OWN COMPLEX FLESHED OUT CHARACTER COMPLETELY SEPARATE FROM ME! but that’s just how all my whump scenario daydreams started, and then i got attached and had to make characters and stuff.

i am rambling so much rn ANYWAY! yeah. this was a fun question that definitely won’t make people think i’m any more weirder than i already am (im not rereading all that so if there’s typos ignore them <3)

39. ROT - Which of your OCs is the best villain?

this is a hard one i think,, like out of the tllr ocs the actual villain of the story would be Pierce (not rlly a spoiler because it’s pretty obvious i think) but he’s not the BEST villain because i hate his guts (but he’s like Actually evil and terrifying and thinking about him makes me Afraid and filled with despair).

is Anton really a villain? yeah. but i guess i see his character differently than u guys because i know his character development later on in the story, and i know his entire backstory too. so that def chances my perception of him compared to how everyone else views him i think? maybe? idk

[decaffeinated]

1.Which labels do you use? Nonbinary agender transmasc.

2.What are your pronouns? Mostly he/him, but also they/them.

3.How old were you when you came out to yourself as nonbinary? I think it was 2018, when I was ~22 years old.

4.What’s one thing you’d like to tell your younger self? Your aversion to bras isn't necessarily just sensory, but also dysphoria.

5.Is there a myth about nonbinary people that annoys you the most? That we're all perfectly androgynous. I'm more masculine (strictly in terms of appearance), and that's okay.

6.Is there a nonbinary celebrity you look up to? I don't think so.

7.If you’re out, how did you come out? Called my parents and wrote a Facebook post. And a little later, was also interviewed for a tv show about my nonbinarity and asexuality.

8.Is there a gender-related pun you like? Agenda? I don't have a genda!

9.Do you have friends who identify as nonbinary, too? Most of them tbh 😂

10.Do you have a favorite lgbt+ character? Garnet from Steven Universe.

11. Lgbt, lgbt+, lgbtqa+... which one do you usually use? LGBTQIA+

12. How do you explain the term “nonbinary” to people who have no idea what it means? Neither fully male nor fully female.

13.Tell us a fun fact about yourself (gender-related or random!) I do historical reenactment, and love dressing in "men's" Viking clothes.

14.How did you find your name? I needed an E name for personal reasons, and my first choice was Emi. Unfortunately that name means pistil in Finnish, and I didn't wanna name myself after plant genitals. Especially not female plant genitals.

15.If you’re in a relationship, how did your partner react to your coming-out? I actually met my partner at the trans support group, so pretty well I guess 😂

16.Do you prefer partner, datemate, significant other or something else? Partner. It tells people all they need to know about the nature of the relationship, which is almost nothing.

17.A piece of advice for questioning kids? Do whatever the hell you want to make yourself feel better, as long as you're not hurting yourself.

18.Which flag(s) do you use? The agender flag.

19.Any tips for bad days? Even if your bad day is because of physical pain (like period cramps or whatever), getting compliments or pronoun affirmations from strangers online can still make you feel better even if it doesn't affect the pain.

20.Do you have a favorite nonbinary blog on tumblr? So many I've lost count.

21.Feminine, masculine, androgynous - or none of those things? Masculine on the outside, closer to androgynous on the inside. In a perfect world my gender would be a total mystery to other people.

22. What are your three favorite things about yourself? My interests, the social circles I've formed around those interests, and my current outlook on life.

My dear lgbt+ kids, 

Since over 400 of you agreed that it’s Nonbinary November, I decided to do something fun for my nonbinary kids and came up with this: 

22 Questions for Nonbinary November! 

1.Which labels do you use?

2.What are your pronouns?

3.How old were you when you came out to yourself as nonbinary?

4.What’s one thing you’d like to tell your younger self?

5.Is there a myth about nonbinary people that annoys you the most?

6.Is there a nonbinary celebrity you look up to?

7.If you’re out, how did you come out?

8.Is there a gender-related pun you like? 

9.Do you have friends who identify as nonbinary, too?

10.Do you have a favorite lgbt+ character?

11. Lgbt, lgbt+, lgbtqa+… which one do you usually use?

12. How do you explain the term “nonbinary” to people who have no idea what it means?

13.Tell us a fun fact about yourself (gender-related or random!) 

14.How did you find your name? 

15.If you’re in a relationship, how did your partner react to your coming-out?

16.Do you prefer partner, datemate, significant other or something else?

17.A piece of advice for questioning kids?

18.Which flag(s) do you use?

19.Any tips for bad days?

20.Do you have a favorite nonbinary blog on tumblr?

21.Feminine, masculine, androgynous - or none of those things?

22. What are your three favorite things about yourself?

If you’re on the nonbinary spectrum, you can copy those and answer them on your blog (and tag me!).You can do all at once or one a day. Feel free to skip any questions you don’t want to answer. 

I hope this will be a fun way for nonbinary people to share their stories and a way for others to learn more about the nonbinary community! <3 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Dad 

[tarotwithavi]

What first impression will your future lover have of you?

Let's find out what first impression would you leave on your future lover / future spouse / long term partner .

⚠ these pictures do not belong to me. This is a general reading so take what resonates and leave the rest that doesn't.

If you want to support me please leave a note.

Masterlist ♡ paid services

Thank you for your precious time! I hope you have a great day! ily ♡

PILE 1

Hello pile1, I'm really excited to interpret the cards you got! So first things first I'm getting that they will see you as someone who is not afraid to stand out of the crowd and do your own thing. Like you're not afraid to try new things . You are not afraid to dance without music, sing out loud, smile at strangers, do your little silly dance while eating something very delicious. I'm also getting that they'll see you as someone who can smile and laugh in stressful situations. You're someone who stands out of the crowd. You bring happiness wherever you go like sunshine or some of you might even be called by that nickname. They will see you as someone who has seen and experienced a lot of things in life. I'm also getting that you can meet them in an educational Institute or at someone's birthday party/ wedding/ etc. Of course these are not the only situations you can meet them but the one's I'm getting specifically. Also they'll see you as someone who has been through the same things as them , you both could mirror each other. They'll see you as someone who is emotionally mature and available. Someone who's not afraid of commitment. I'm getting that they'll see a mother/father figure in you because I see that they might have mommy or daddy issues or both idk. They'll see that you are not what you show the world. You could literally be crying on the inside but still have a smile on your face or vice versa. It's like they'll see right through you. They will see you as someone whom they'll like to settle down with or start a family with.

I'm also getting that if you're a closeted gay/lesbian/bi/trans they'll also see that because they have been in the same situations as you. They'll see that you're stuck somewhere and they'll help you out. This person can even be your gay awakening if you know what I'm saying. Leo / Aquarius / Taurus signs are really coming out here . Numbers 2,5,10 could be important for you. You'll see rainbows when you meet them or this could be important.

Masterlist

PILE 2

Hello pile2, I feel like some of you might be attracted to pile 1 so make sure to check that out too. Okay so let's start with your reading. Your future lover will see you as someone who works for themselves. Someone who is not a slave of others and knows their worth. They'll see you as someone who won't settle down for anything less than what they desire. They'll see you as someone who is not affected by the words of others and always has their heads high. Someone who is very strong both physical and mentally. I'm getting that some of you can have curly hair/wavy hair or your hair will stand out the most to them. Someone who can offer a fulfilling relationship but they'll also see that you'll not be looking for a relationship at that time or it may seem like that to them. They'll see that you have abandonment issues and you don't want to be Left behind in the crowd. You fear that people will replace you with someone and that you're not anyone's first choice/priority, but that doesn't stop you or have any control over you. You shine for yourself. You're free like a bird and always put yourself first. They'll see you as someone who shines the brightest even when they are just sitting down reading a book or sitting in the corner with their headphones on. You'll be very noticeable to them. They'll see you as someone who is firm on their words and thoughts, if you decide to do something you'll do it nothing can change your mind. Another thing is that they'll notice your eyes first. You might have cried a moment before or they'll see a lot of sadness in them.

You might be rude to people or don't really interact with people because you fear that you'll unintentionally hurt them. But for some of you I'm getting that you guys will not just give your time and energy to people easily. If someone wants your time they'll have to work for it. Your future lover will find you very adorable and cute no matter if you will be younger or older than them. July month could be important for you. They could have K, V, U, A in their name.

Masterlist

PILE 3

Hello pile 3 , how are you guys doing? I hope that you're doing great! Some of you might have been attracted to pile 2 too. For you I'm seeing that your future lover will see you as someone who is hungry for success or wants to achieve good things in life. Someone who is working hard for their passion. They will see you as someone who might struggle with choosing what's good for you or just not very in tune with your thoughts and actions. You might meet them on your way to achieving something , on your way to success or when you will be getting recognition for your work. They'll see you as someone who's very artistic . You might be listening to music, getting praised for your drawings/sketches etc. When they will notice you. They'll see you as someone who's very spontaneous and doesn't stop easily . For example if you have completed a task or work given to you , you'll find another one soon. You always try to keep yourself busy as if you're scared of your own mind. They'll see you as someone who's very popular or well known. Very attractive and charming too. They'll love the way you deal with people like not being rude but still proving your point? Something like that. They'll love your voice too. You might have a low pitched soothing voice. They'll think that you are their destiny. The person they have been waiting for. They'll see you as someone who is goal oriented. It might be a love at first sight for them.  You could even teach them a different language or your mother tongue. You might have a different cultural background. They'll see you as someone who has a lot of money, is very abundant and someone who comes from a rich and wealthy background. But also someone who needs to find balance in their life. Sometimes you might take up two works at a time or be involved in two different tasks, so that can be overwhelming for you. Also someone who goes from transformation or you will be going through a transformation when you meet them. Someone of power. White rabbits could be important here or they could give off the vibe of a bunny. Also white animals are very important here

Masterlist

[denjis-chainsaws]

°•●~| Chainsaw Man |~●•°

Character(s): Denji, mentions of Power and Aki Hayakawa

Genre: Headcanons, relationship, fluff

Reader: Male Reader (masc. pronouns and nouns, trans-inclusive), second person (you, your, yours), maybe a little dense pre-relationship?

Extra Notes: As per usual in every fandom I have seen very little male reader content, especially for Denji. If no one else will give him a boyfriend, then I'll write it myself. Also, no real idea for a time frame, this just generally takes place during Part 1, though certain bits can be applied to Part 2.

《 || - - - - - - - - || 》

Denji isn't a stranger to having feelings for someone, that boy falls for anyone who shows him a crumb of kindness. But he isn't used to falling for another boy. He's not opposed to it, it's just very new to him like most other relationship-type things.

So then in comes you to sweep him off his feet. Metaphorically or literally! Either way he is absolutely enamored with you. From your looks to how you carry yourself to the way you speak, everything about you renders him speechless.

At first he panics. He was raised by himself out in a cabin in the wilderness for most of his life, he doesn't have the foggiest clue about social norms and the like. By the time he's brought to Tokyo and is able to read manga and magazines, the only thing he's seen are relationships between men and women. The only time he's ever felt attraction up to that point was towards women. He didn't know if feeling this way about another boy was normal.

It causes him such distress and inner turmoil that it affects his patrols with Power and Aki. Power isn't much help since she has as similar a grasp of social norms as Denji. Aki, on the other hand, tells him quite bluntly that it's fine and shouldn't be causing him this much strife. After that his feelings towards you just kinda click, "Oh... Cool."

Once it sinks in, he's very obvious about his feelings. Everyone can read him like a book, it's embarrassing. Yet somehow it seems all of that has gone over your head, leaving you oblivious to his pining. It takes him asking you out directly to realize his feelings may extend past friendship.

Denji is a simple man that enjoys simple things, so simple dates are up his alley. Walking around the streets in the evening, going to a theater to watch a movie, or grabbing some good grub from a nearby food cart or truck. It would be his treat like a real gentleman, if he had any money to speak of. Though he promises to pay you back! Someday!

You teach him the intricacies of relationships. Largely of how they're take AND give. Many of the women Denji has chased after in the past were always taking and taking, and rarely ever giving if at all. Maybe he isn't feeling that way because he's dating a boy... Are men really that different from women in relationships? Denji doesn't know, and ultimately he doesn't care. He's happy to have a significant other who loves and cares for him as a real person.

Denji has no sense of personal space and is always clinging to you. He loves PDA and is incredibly shameless to boot. If you're walking around somewhere, he's holding your hand. Sitting somewhere to wait for a bus or just to relax, he's squeezed up tight against you and wrapping an arm around you no matter if you're smaller or bigger than him. Hell, at one point he begs you to try that cliche trope of using two straws to drink from the same shake or smoothie together. He saw it in a manga and thought it was pretty cute, so it had to be just as cute to try it in real life, no?

If you're not comfortable with the amount of physical affection Denji provides, you don't have to be afraid to speak up about it. Denji is crass and uncultured, but he's not that uncivilized. He is still getting used to everything, but above all else he wants to make sure his boyfriend is happy and comfortable, so he'll learn to tone down the clinginess if that's what makes you feel better.

You, on the flipside, learn more of his quirks. He loves praise and reassurance. All of this new stuff he's learning can be very intimidating, and as much as Denji can put on a face and handle it, he does doubt himself a lot. A simple pat on the back and words of "Good job!" can go a long way for him.

If you like to cook, Denji devours anything you make for him. Doesn't matter if you're a beginner or a five-star chef, he loves everything you make. His only request is to avoid any kind of coffee or tea, he's not too fond of the "mud" and "leaf" water.

At the end of the day, whether you're staying at Aki's his place or yours, his favorite thing to do with you is unwind in bed together. You could read him a book, he loves your voice and all the fancy words you read aloud. Maybe you have a TV in your room, you could watch one of those late night auction programs and laugh at the people who waste such exorbante amounts of money on mundane things with pretty names attached. Or if you still have the energy to spare, maybe you could let Denji rest his head on your lap and run your fingers through his hair. He loves it when you do that. He loves it whenever he can be close to you and will snuggle up to you at the earliest opportunity. He's so used to holding Pochita in his sleep, and has been using an extra pillow as a subpar replacement ever since Pochita gave him his heart. Now he doesn't need the pillow so long as he has you.

[wet-from-water-water-from-wet]

this intrigues me also; sometimes contradictory labels make sense in that they can communicate a more complicated or otherwise difficult to accurately express idea via their contradiction, but to me this doesn't converge on anything comprehensible to me? it doesn't immediately make sense to me what being a man and also a woman who exclusively dates women without being non-binary or genderfluid could imply, as opposed to how I can glean some information out of "bi lesbian" that points towards a few possible coherent ideas yknow.

if I had to guess I would assume that it's guys who don't want to let go of their pre-transition lesbian identity; the lesbian part coming before the trans part chronologically. it seems much stranger to imagine a trans guy who later realizes he's a lesbian somehow. though, I still can't imagine why someone would want to do that? cynically I would guess it's a desire to not lose a minority status and the social authority that entails,

but also if there's such thing as a non-binary egg, that's definitely it, right? the tendency to believe that some part of your current identity has reached it's endpoint and the contradictions that arise because of it. when you consider the breadth of possibilities that exist for gender, it's way more likely you're non-binary than it is that every aspect of your identity lines up perfectly with the binary. sometimes you just gotta break through the gender inertia and you'll be happier for it.

but then also, is not every label contradictory from a certain viewpoint? when I was in middle school in my moderately transphobic stage, my main gripe with the idea of being transgender was that it seemed contradictory with how I knew to define gender. I thought gender was a pointless system that imposed oppressive rule on people, and the idea of transing your gender seemed counterproductive to my ideal of none of this gender stuff existing. but, it ended up being that it was far more practical and useful to redefine gender and twist the system such that the oppressive rules no longer existed and then you could leverage the categories that already existed to more efficiently express and identify yourself. it all depends on which rulesets you view as the "correct one," but we made all this up so it's entirely possible, likely even that there just isnt one.

I personally am in a pretty unambiguous straight relationship, but both me and my partner agree that something feels inexplicably gay about our relationship. perhaps it's because we're both bi, maybe it's because I'm trans and that brings with it a certain fun "taboo" vibe that makes it feel gay. neither of us are really sure but it's fun to say.

perhaps being a trans guy who's a lesbian is "just nonbinary and that's okay" in the same way that being a trans girl was "just a feminine guy and that's okay" to my middle school self. there's no way to really know until I understand the rules of the system they're operating within. it's a bit of a separate language.

it's a bit of a copout answer, but at the end of the day it doesn't really affect me any. it doesn't seem obviously transmisogynistic the way "afab trans woman" and the like are. it seems clearly not to be invoking the rules of the system I understand due to how it just doesn't make sense to me; I can't imagine how gender and sexuality are being defined here and I don't know if it's a useful way to do it, but as long as it remains not transphobic or misogynistic I guess I'm fine with it? perhaps I'm being too charitable but I like to assume the best of people. I wouldn't discard any of the possibilities I mentioned, though.

perhaps if you are a lesbian trans guy you could enlighten me as to the way the system you're operating within functions, if you're consciously aware of it.

time to be problematic on main i guess

i really don't understand people that say trans men can be lesbians. I've heard a couple of arguments about it here and there, and it just never made sense to me.

(i'm ignoring nonbinary people here, this discussion only makes sense within the confines of the gender binary)

I've heard people say that trans men have an inherently queer form of attraction, and that therefore it's fine for them to identify as lesbian. I don't buy that at all. A binary trans man that is only attracted to women is straight; and I cannot see a possible scenario where this person calling themselves a lesbian makes sense.

What confuses me the most is that we never hear binary trans women wanting to identify as gay. Not once have heard of it happening, which makes me think something fishy is going on.

My reasoning at the moment is that people think straight is a dirty word. They see themselves as queer and don't want to be called straight. It's nonsense. Straight queer people are valid and there's nothing wrong with that.

I'd love to know if i'm missing something or have i'm misunderstanding something because right now this doesn't make sense to me at all.

[olderthannetfic]

Referencing post/683325663061655552/men-are-historical-oppressors-interacts-weirdly

Did we just forget what the word historical means?? Like I'm sorry if it hurts your feelings or something but cismen have, through nearly all eras of western and many other cultures been the oppressing class. Intentionally. Through much of our recent history (recent here meaning, let's say the 1200s until the 1900s) women were considered the property of the men in thier lives, could not own, purchase, hold money title or land, and could be savagely beaten without consequence.

Society is still widely built on many of the basic tenants and ideology that men are superior in all ways. This is just as much an issue for trans people because it negatively affects them no matter what thier agab was.

None of us get to live in a world divorced from this history and trying to pretend like it's problematic to point out its existence and influence because the idea of gender has expanded is misguided and wholesale bullshit. It's actively harmful for trans people of all stripes. It's just as much their history as everyone else's. They are just as affected by the societal implications.

And yes, that means trans women will feel the crushing weight of sexism in day to day life and trans men will too. People who pass particularly well in public will be treated as in/outgroup from strangers for all of the ways that applies. You can find a hundred and one discussions from trans people about the kind of culture shock they go through and the insidiousness of current gender relations between perceived cis women and men.

The present understanding of the world does not erase history, history informs the present wether we want it to or not. Trans existence does not fundamentally alter gender relations, culture, history, or relationships for the rest of the world. It just means they get to muck through even more of it.

Women, ALL women still deal with misogyny both systematic and interrelational. So do all men, because the societal power it affords comes at a cost. All of us NBs are at the whim of whichever group we're generally perceived as. Sorry it's historical. I think you'd find a great many of us wish that it weren't.

They're literally about to over turn Roe. While that is absolutely going to affect a great deal of trans men and other non-cis people, it is directly intended by cis men as a tool to subjugate cis women. This is not only ancient history, it is also current history. Trans people are still people in our society. Acting like they are above it or removed from it is insanely insulting and othering. They're not dogs, they don't get exempted from fraught social relations re:gender on the basis of not Being One of Us.

They are us, they are just as affected, they are just as vulnerable and susceptible to the messaging and groupthink, they are still people.

Not to bang that note a million times but these milquetoast takes really really piss me off. It's so fucking patronizing to act like trans people are somehow entirely removed from society and thus not a part of it or are exempted from how it's shitty. It quite literally presumes them to not be people.

I'm nb myself but presumed female in the world at large and like what? My personal take just removes me entirely from the situation? Cops won't arrest me for running around tits out bc 'no, no you see these aren't female breasts theyre entirely genderless.' No, the cops are going to take me and my nonbinary double ds to the county jail all the same, because I will be perceived as a woman by those around me and I will be treated as such, including the double standards on toplessness and nudity and every step above that on the stairs of oppressive sexism.

A transman with a crying cis woman in public will be perceived as the aggressor regardless of the situation. A cis woman hitting a trans man in public will not be taken seriously by 99% of the people passing by. Trans people are just as much victims of this system and history as anyone else.

--

[violentviolette]

Hello, I was wondering if I could have a second opinion on something. I don't believe you have watched "Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" but I wanted your opinion on Leonardo possibly having ASPD. I apologize in advance if 'diagnosing' a character seems stereotypical and/or offensive, it isn't my intention and I don't believe he does have ASPD (he seems more ADHD/Autism coded than anything else) but wanted an opinion on the symptoms that do seem to overlap with the PD.

In short, I'm basically asking; what level of violence/aggression does one have to consistently showcase to be diagnosed as a pwASPD? It's hard to properly understand Cluster B PDs due to the spread of stereotypes and everything across all prevalent communities, which is why I'm asking. You're free to ignore this if you don't want to answer. I may be phrasing this ask wrong (I do Not Know Words) so I apologize again if I'm enforcing a stereotypical stance here unintentionally.

It's really annoying that this disorder is continually spread as an irredeemable criminal disorder and nothing else. It really messes with my understanding of it, so I want to better my understanding of the anger and violent aggression(s) struggle of this disorder without bias.

so okay a couple things, first i dont mind headcanon asks and i think its normal and natural to see urself reflected in characters and want to analyze them thru that lense and give them traits u have. every fictional character i have ever liked is trans cause i say so kinda vibe, so no worries there. altho ive not watched rise yet so i cant speak to any of those characters specifically (though ive heart its amazing and its on my list) when it comes to ur actual questions theres really 2 answers because talking about fictrional characters and real life people is completely differnt. for example, leonardo lives in a fictional universe where he fights bad guys for a living. him going out and brutally kicking the shit out of and murdering nameless faceless henchman of an evil organization isnt considerent agressive physical violence the way it would be if a real life person put on a turtle costume and went and did the same. we dont expect a mutant ninja turtle to feel regret or shame or sadness or deal with social and interpersonal reprocussions after slamming a hand members face into the ground u know? thats his job lmfaooo so u have to adjust ur thinking accordingly

so what is considerd a disordered level of aggression and physical violence in a real life person vs a character are going to be Wildly different. so the metric u have to use is less about individual specific actions or levels and is instead more questions of is this level of aggression and physical violence

1. a disproportionate and unreasonable response/reaction to the situation at hand. for example, if someone is threatning to stab u, punching them in the face is a reasonable and proportionate reaction to the situation. whereas punching a friend or partner in the face because they did something that upset u is very much not and therefore disordered. if ur immediate and instinctual response to small scale distress is violence that u impulsively act on, then it's most likely hit the level of a disordered symptom and should be counted and considered

2. does it negatively impact, affect, and get in the way of the important relationships with others u are trying to make. does it cause ur life distress, struggle, and make it overall harder for u to be close to and connect with others when and how u want to. is it harming the people around u and who come into contact with u in ways that negatively impact ur life and make it more difficult for u to interact. for example, there's a difference between being agry and aggresive and violent towards say a parent or ex who abused u and a stranger or good friend. being angry and reacting with violence towards people who are trying to or are/have hurt u is a normal and natural response to abuse

everyone experiences anger and agrression, and sometimes, violence and aggression are the correct healthy and normal response to a situation. othertimes they very much are not, and that distinction is what dictates whether or not something is a symptom that needs to be addressed. so looking at the situation around the aggression and violence and what causes it to manifest is very important when considering what is and isnt a symptom

[vrisrezis]

My mcu favs w/ crush and relationship hcs (pt 2) (not proof read)

- gonna be honest she’s not familiar with romantic feelings, takes her awhile to even realize what she feels for you

- you make her heart all melty and soft, you make her face heat up, you make her question everything she does

- you make her feel even giddy and overly happy and it kinda annoys her tbh

- she thinks you’re out to get her or something and have casted some spell but when she asks thor he has no idea what she’s talking about until she describes what she’s feeling and he just laughs and thinks she’s joking

- she’s like no. I’m serious ?

- to which thor would tell her what it is, he has a bit of an idea because of Jane

- tbh loving somebody romantically, caring about somebody to this extent scares her

- she’s lost so many people and because of it became a raging alcoholic

- if she lost you she doesn’t know what could happen

- she tries to push you away but quickly realizes she doesn’t like doing that to herself or you

- asks you to go out drinking with her often if you’re up for that

- she’d find it funny how easily you get drunk but has no problem taking care of you, in fact she would probably drink with you more often so she can take care of you because it’s the closest to intimacy she feels she can have with you (no she is not taking advantage of you or anything, it’s more just the thought of taking care of you feels intimate to her)

- also you’re cute while you’re drunk

- trans with you so you can be tougher if you’re not that tough already

- tbh asks thor to do the same with you, whether it be cuz she’s not around or because you need the extra training

- eventually Thor’s at the point where he’s like you gotta tell em and she’s like no 🖕

- but she does eventually

- she’s kinda awkward about it but she tries to sound confident with it ^^

- dating you is very different than just being her friend tbh

- like you might’ve been surprised at her asking you out, even if it’s kinda obvious to anybody that knows her well

- to any stranger you just seemed like friends with a strange rivalry relationship but that’s really not the case

- she’s much more flirty in a relationship, since she’s confident you’re with her for a reason.. she’s not the type to doubt your relationship, you’re with her for a reason

- much more protective in battle though

- she doesn’t say she loves you enough, but she shows it through her actions

- asks thor about the romantic stuff but he has no idea really so she goes to Bruce who kinda has more of a grasp on it

- tries to take you to like normal restaurant dates... kinda awkward since she had no midgardian clothes at that point

- lotsa quick kisses on the cheek or forehead

- likes cuddling as she finds it just.. kinda intimate ?

- still likes to take care of a drunk you

- quick pecks on your lips are very often

- doesn’t like the idea of going on a lot of Thor’s saving the world shits unless you’re on board with it

- thor jokes about how she’s all badass and “I don’t give a fuck about saving the world or anyone else” until it comes to you

- she kicks his ass

- but he’s not wrong

- when she likes you she’s a bit like wtf

- like she doesn’t realize it for a moment until jane explains it

- before she was her usual talkative self but there was a lot of nervousness and stuttering at times, just unusual awkwardness that made Jane raise a brow

- it makes more sense now

- since she’s aware she likes you now she often asks you to hang out, to help her out, whatever it is

- the gal is clingy af what can she say

- lotsa hugs she loves giving you hugs often does them for a greeting

- just an excuse to hold you though tbh

- at times will get tongue tied

- she tries to flirt but it just makes you confused she’s not good at it you’re not even gonna know she’s flirting

- eventually grows impatient about it and is just like “I LIKE U DUMMY! DATE ME!”

- and now you date

- she gets into things a bit quickly so if it’s too fast tell her, hopefully not a dealbreaker

- dates are often because she’s got a lot of creative ideas for dates ^^

- still hugs you as a greeting but a lot longer and intimate and a kiss follows after

- speaking of kisses she LOVES to kiss you and she does so very often

- very needy

- big cuddler

- just like “CUDDLE ME”

- so demanding

- often talks about you and how much she loves you she can’t help it

- but if anybody did the same she like “shut up nobody cares”

- even with you though she’s blunt, but much nicer about it

- likes going on just good dates, restaurants , picnic, whatever

- she eats all the food

- tries to impress you so she might say she was best friends with thor at a point

- and that she’s helped him out before and .. yeah etc

- she likes buying you clothes tbh

- especially if you don’t dress good let her dress you up pls

- would be sad if you didn’t get along with Jane

- it would be a dealbreaker actually

- she knows she’s a bit much so she feels happy you love her anyways

- vision of course will not understand his feelings

- he understands you definitely make him feel something, that something being good

- for a moment he might think he feels like this is how best friends feel towards another, or even thinking he sees you in a familial light

- tony quickly tells him that is not the case

- once vision understands what he really feels he’s not sure how to go about it, he can be quite oblivious

- he’s aware of this but still .. what does he do?

- asks tony for advice, he tells him to flirt and see how it goes

- but tbh that doesn’t work, you don’t even realize he’s flirting gonna be honest

- he’s just bad at it

- so he tries to just simply state his affection, that doesn’t work because he doesn’t know how to word it without it sounding platonic, or getting too nervous about going too far

- he doesn’t wanna overstep boundaries

- tony is in pain watching this btw

- tony eventually is just like “he wants to know if you would like to go on a date” “w- I.. yes?”

- in a relationship he is very sweet

- kinda cliche though, since he doesn’t have a concept of romance at all

- looks up a lot of the things he should know about romance he doesn’t want to ask you that

- while he has no problem protecting you, he doesn’t feel the need to be overly protective unless needed

- he’s logical, reasonable, he only gets protective if he has to, even with how he feels towards you

- but do you distract him? Yes absolutely

- he’s okay with living comfortably and normally for once with you, unless it’s something you don’t want or are not ready for

- once you’re conditioned to a certain lifestyle, even if it isn’t a good one it can be uncomfortable to get out of and he understands that

- he loves to kiss you, often initiates kisses or forms of affection

- you were the first to kiss him, it made him so flustered but so happy and now he’s addicted to kissing you

- loves kissing your hands

- if you have any insecurity he will do anything in his power to prove you wrong and that he doesn’t see you in that light

- he understands he has responsibilities but other than that, loves spending his time with you

- he understands you’re a distraction so he tries not to fight with you, he wants to prioritize the people when it comes to this kinda thing

- which you of course understand

- once you teach him what dancing is, his love language is dancing with you

- you two just stay up talking about nothing and everything

- having kids with him isn’t an option, but he isn’t opposed to adopting children

- after all, all he’s ever wanted was to be a normal significant other to you

- do not have a huge concept on her character so forgive me 🙏

- she can be a bit flirty, not that you mind though right ?

- she just loves spending all her time with you

- probably met you before wandavision

- so you’re probably already together

- even then in wandavision you two were “roommates”

- doesn’t explain all the flirting girl .

- agathas fall would be letting Wanda find out she had a soft spot for you my god

- while she’s all confidence and flirty in general, she’s a bit softer with you

- like she genuinely means the things she says when it comes to you

- eventually asks you to date her, you don’t have much room for dates outside of wandavision

- you two are always together btw

- loves dancing with you

- she has a good grasp on romance so she has no issue with it

- she is full of confidence when it comes down to it tbh

- holds your hand often

- your relationship ain’t official till like the 70s probably

- might joke after wanda has kids that you both should have kids too

- while she’s causing her mischief you back her up to make her look less suspicious

- seriously in the mist of all this she’s grateful for you

- especially when you get her out of the hell that Wanda puts her in once again

- to which she will actually confess she loves you, and cares for you

- you aren’t just like.. some person to date

- she’s not the most vulnerable obviously

- so the fact she finally is.. it’s just a lot

- “idk I just love u a lot hun . Cant I show I love u 😊”

- she’s just so overly sweet with you

- she’s so awful to everyone else at times that she just likes being .. with you and being a softie

- likes you playing with her hair

- she loves a good cuddle

- cute nicknames like hon, or hun, or just teddy bear

- with a crush quill might try to act overly friendly

- and probably flirts a lot

- he’s very like obvious with the flirting so you’d have to be oblivious not to notice it

- he can be quite protective as well

- like not just in fighting but even with just others like even before dating he’s very jealous

- if he makes a joke you’re always in on it somehow

- he tries for form a close bond with you just cuz he likes you so much

- it’s likely he likes somebody that can easily protect themselves doe

- probably has some dumb handshake with you

- honestly he acts like a close friend to you

- people might mistake you for a sibling like relationship if it weren’t for his flirting and him staring at you like you’re his entire universe

- seriously Sam says Bucky has a staring problem, quill is fucking awful

- it’s constant and rocket is always like “you’re staring”

- and he’s like “nO” and then continues to stare

- has you listen to his favorite music of course

- especially the love songs ;D

- will just dance with you to the music he puts on

- one time you guys are dancing to the music he put on like normal but it’s a slow love song, so hes like let’s so dance bae

- and then he tells you how he feels for u

- now u date <3

- lots of forehead kisses

- cuddle bug absolutely

- still a jealous boyfriend though tbh he will try to seem all tough in front of any man he thinks might be better or something he will do anything to show off

- your relationship doesn’t change just lots of kisses and hugs now and I love yous

- you’re totally the relationship that’s like “I love you more” “nooo I love you more” and the guardians hate y’all so much

- he uses nicknames like hun, honey, love, sweetheart

- let’s just say you slow dance more often, and kiss while doing so ^^

- he flirts with you still but it’s a lot more sweet rather than before where he might’ve just flirted with you in terms of like it being kinda like calling you sexy and shit like that, now it’s more like wow u look beautiful I luv u 😊🙏

- would do anything for you, even if he wouldn’t like it

- doesn’t mean he wouldn’t hesitate tho

- going on separate dates isn’t really an option since you guys fight left and right and are always with the guardians, but he decided every once a couple months you guys go on a date together and have some fun

- Loki doesn’t get crushes, so this is a new thing for him

- and tbh he doesn’t know how to take it either, especially when he realizes how strong those feelings actually are

- he hates the idea of being vulnerable in general, especially when it comes to you

- over time it just... happens

- but if there’s any indication he likes spending time with you he will try to lie his way through it, he’s a good liar of course so it probably works

- however he shows he at the very least cares about you, he shows a sign of protectiveness when it comes to potential enemies.. enemies that happen to be dangerous for you

- plus he’s around you like constantly and claims he has nobody else to harass

- he claims he doesn’t care about you at all, but even thor can tell through this lie

- the way he looks at you makes it obvious

- the way he doesn’t try to get you involved in his more dangerous schemes

- and if you do, and you get hurt he feels guilty and tries to help you feel better

- he claims he just owes you one for getting you hurt though

- eventually thor bothers him enough to get him to confess feelings, which takes a lot for Loki to even go through with

- he acts confident, even moreso after you say yes, but deep down was extremely nervous

- the male is good at making you feel important, after trying so hard to hide his feelings he is tired of it and just wants to be more honest about how he feels about you

- no issue being vulnerable, he trusts you but sometimes it can be hard

- he goes to you for a lot of his problems, even if you cannot help, just venting and you listening helps

- he was already with you a lot but now there’s no excuses and it’s even moreso

- “what? I just wanted to visit my beautiful s/o” “we literally just saw eachother 5 minutes ago can I please go to bed”

- likes pressing your foreheads together, he finds it sweet

- jealous of thor? Absolutely. Pls comfort him and tell him you’d never leave him for thor

- he’s so used to just not being as good as him, he wants to be good enough for you

- deep down there’s just so many insecurities he has

- so it causes him to worry like all the time

- having a reassuring and patient s/o is so good for him ^^

- flirting becomes a thing in your relationship

- it makes him feel more confident pls give him this

- protective, he feels like he has to be tbh because he never gets anything good in his life and if he does he loses it, he’s scared to lose you too

- if for some reason he can’t see you he makes an illusion of you to talk to

- when he fake dies you’re the first he goes to see so you don’t think he’s dead, he loves you he wouldn’t want to do that to you =(

- finally

- gonna be honest bucky with a crush is cute

- first of all he smiles at you a lot, Steve is the first to notice how much he smiles around you, it’s the most he smiles like ever

- just has a lot of nice conversations with you about anything and everything

- also whenever you’re around even if other people are around you he’s just like “hey y/n :)”

- heart eyes for you, just can’t help but stare all the time

- he has a staring problem but with you? Yeah 10x over

- Sam always has something to say abt it also

- his idea of flirting with you is really just saying hi to you, just being overly friendly which is noticeable for a guy like Bucky

- eventually would ask you out, he tries to ease into it but he gets a bit impatient

- he was also nervous asking you out but yk

- when dating him he becomes very protective

- one of the most protective bitches on the list tbh

- he gets nightmares about you dying like all the time it breaks him everytime though

- lots of cuddles, whether it be from a rough day, he’s just tired, or had a nightmare

- he likes his hair being brushed by you and played with, even when he cuts it

- he’s scared of killing you and turning into the winter soldier again

- has dreams about when he’s hurt and fought you as the winter soldier, he keeps thinking about if Steve wasn’t there to help, he really could’ve killed you and that terrifies him

- even when you tell him it wasn’t him, he appreciates it but still feels horrible about it

- touch that metal arm, but like gently Yknow . Nobody’s ever touched that arm with such kindness and it makes him soft and feel lucky

- speaking of soft Bucky is very soft, there’s many soft moments with Bucky and vulnerability

- it’s easy to be vulnerable with you but not others

- lots of handholding

- he loves hugging you for long periods of time

- still has a staring problem but now Sam openly makes fun of him

- just big dumb smile on his face as he looks at you

- especially when you’re dealing with kids, seeing you be around them makes his heart warm

- maybe he does wanna be normal, settle down and have kids

- though the thought scares him it is something he desires

- we all know he calls you doll

[neworleansspecial]

There’s been a push lately of including more trans characters and trans headcanons in fanwork lately, and that’s a good thing! However, most of the time, the content that gets promoted is by cis creators as opposed to transgender creators speaking from their real world experiences. While it’s important to boost trans voices, that’s not to say you can’t or shouldn’t write trans characters as a cis person. 

Please note that this post is not an attack on cis writers! Far from it, in fact. I would say the majority of the time, cis people writing harmful content are doing it unintentionally- they probably just don’t realize that it’s a problem. The main goal here is to educate on what’s harmful, why it’s harmful, and what to do instead. In addition, some trans people, especially young trans people, can fall into these tropes too- after all, all of us were raised in the same cis-centric society. 

That said, trans people can write about these tropes if they choose- we’re allowed to discuss our own experiences or those we identify with in a way cis authors can’t or shouldn’t because of our different relationship to gender. If you’re transgender and you write using these tropes, that’s okay! But remember to be self-critical, too; are you writing these tropes because you enjoy them or because they reflect your experiences, or are you writing them because that’s what cis people promote or it’s what you think trans narratives must be?

This particular post will focus on common tropes in writing about transgender characters, and why they’re harmful, as well as ways to counteract them in your writing. As this is a long post, it’s under a read more. Thank you to @jewishbucke​ for all his help and support.

For the purposes of this post, let’s lay out some basic definitions so that we’re all operating on the same playing field and understanding.

Cisgender (cis): Someone who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth.

Transgender (trans): Someone whose gender differs from the one they were assigned at birth. Trans people may or may not experience one or more kinds of dysphoria. The level of dysphoria a trans person experiences is not relevant to whether or not they are transgender. 

Dysphoria: The discomfort caused by a disconnect between someone’s gender and the one they were assigned at birth. Dysphoria can be physical (related to the body), emotional (related to their feelings/sexuality), or social (related to other’s perceptions of them). 

Gender Expression: The way a person outwardly expresses themselves and their gender. This can include but is not limited to pronouns, clothes, hair style, and name.

Transmasculine: A transmasculine person is a trans person whose transition is aimed at becoming more masculine. Trans men are transmasculine people, but not all transmasculine people are trans men. Transmasculine people are transmisogyny exempt (TME), meaning they do not experience the specific combination of transphobia and misogyny that affects transfeminine people. 

Transfeminine: A transfeminine person is a trans person whose transition is aimed at becoming more feminine. Trans women are transfeminine people, but not all transfeminine people are trans women. Transfeminine people are transmisogyny affected (TMA), meaning they experience the specific combination of transphobia and misogyny directed towards transfeminine people.

That being said, my point of view making this post is as a transmasculine TME person. I can offer my personal perspectives and experiences, but I cannot speak over or for the specific experiences unique to transfeminine people and trans women. If you are transfeminine or a trans woman, you are absolutely welcome to add on or correct me if in my words, I said something harmful to you and your community. We are all in this together and it is never my aim to overstep boundaries on something I do not understand. So, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into tropes common in transgender narratives. 

The Cis Savior

To start with, one of the most common tropes is the Cis Savior trope. This is commonly associated with the Trans/Cis trope, which I’ll elaborate more on later. The Cis Savior is often not the main character, but a supporter of a transgender main character. They can be a close friend, a family member, a love interest, or a coworker. 

In this narrative, the trans person is engaging in behavior harmful to themselves, often related to methods of their transition. The most common one you may have seen or written is the transmasculine person binding unsafely. In that example, a transmasculine person binds (flattens) their chest with something such as ace bandages, which are extremely harmful and can damage their ribs. The Cis Savior finds out about this behavior, scolds the trans person, and purchases or gives them a safe alternative like a binder designed to safely compress breasts. While this example is probably the most common one, it’s not the only one. In general, the Cis Savior trope is when a cis person finds out that a trans person is hurting themselves in some way and rectifies it with superior knowledge of safe practices and/or better resources than the trans person has access to.

The reason this is harmful is because it perpetuates two common misconceptions: first, that all trans people hate their bodies to the point of willingly harming themselves to relieve this self-hatred, and second, that cis people know better about trans issues and bodies than trans people themselves. That’s not to say that neither of these things is impossible. Trans people are not a monolith and there probably are trans people like that, at least for some point of time in their lives. In some situations, especially in reference to trans kids or people who have recently realized they’re trans, it’s possible that they don’t know their behavior could be harmful, or that there are safer alternatives. The problem lies in the repeated framing of this trope as the only kind of trans person and the idea that they can and will be destructive towards themselves until a cis person who knows better comes along. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives: 

A trans character behaves safely and explains how and why.

A trans character behaving unsafely is supported and educated by another trans person as opposed to a cis person (although this is something you probably shouldn’t be writing as a cis writer- some narratives are better left to us when it comes to the actual experiences of being transgender. Write about trans characters, not being trans!).

A trans character looking into transition on their own finds a supportive community. 

The Gender-Non-Conforming Trans Person

The Gender-Non-Conforming (GNC) Trans Person is a trans character who presents excessively similar to the gender assigned at birth as opposed to their actual gender- the trans man who wears dresses and makeup, the trans woman who has a buzzcut and hates skirts, etc. Like is pointed out above in the “Cis Savior” trope, trans people like this can and do exist! Some trans people are GNC for various reasons- personal style, sexuality, being closeted, or just because they feel like it. 

Narratives about the GNC Trans Person are very focused on the trans person presenting in a way that does not align with their gender, and is often No-Op (Does not have or want gender confirmation surgery) and No-HRT (Does not have or want hormone replacement therapy). It’s also often combined with the “Misgendered” trope. Trans characters in this trope seem to be extremely against presenting the way “expected” of their gender. For example, think of a transfeminine character not wanting to shave, be it their legs, armpits, face, or any other part of their body that cis women are expected to shave. This can lead to the character being mocked, dismissed, told they are not “really” trans, fetishized, and/or misgendered. These characters are often described as not passing as their gender.

This trope is harmful because it plays into the rhetoric that trans people are faking it or attention seeking. Like stated above, GNC trans people can and do exist. In fact, in my personal experience, a lot of trans people are GNC in some way or another. What is and isn’t considered conforming to gender is very strictly based on cisheterocentric ideas of gender presentation, and fails to take into account the intricacies of being transgender, especially if the person in question is also LGB. Trans people don’t have to conform to the restrictive societal views of what acceptable gender presentation is in order to be “really” trans. The stereotype of highly GNC trans people comes from the idea that they’re choosing to be transgender as a means of attention seeking, which simply isn’t true. Trans people didn’t choose to be trans- it’s just another part of them, like their eye color or the shape of their nose.

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans character having fun with gender presentation- why not shop from both sides of the store?

A trans character expressing gender-nonconformity in smaller ways.

Multiple trans characters with different gender presentations.

The Misgendered Trans Person

The Misgendered Trans Person is another common narrative in which a trans character is misgendered, whether it be on accident or on purpose, by a cis character. This can be a family member, an old friend, or a complete stranger. This trope also includes dead-naming, the act of referring to a person by a “dead” name that they no longer use as part of their transition.

When it comes to this trope, it’s usually with a narrative similar to the Cis Savior- the trans character is defended by a nearby cis one. More often than not, the Misgendered Trans Person trope is also combined frequently with the Forced Outing. In this story, a trans person is referred to by pronouns they do not use- in particular, those associated with their assigned gender at birth- as a means of causing angst and discomfort. They may also be called their dead name, also to create drama in the story. For example, consider a trans character hanging out with their family, and their mother uses the wrong pronouns for them, causing the character discomfort. This also includes narratives about a character realizing they’re trans, in which the character is referred to by the wrong pronouns and their dead name until they realize they are transgender. More to that point, as a cis author, you should never write a story about someone realizing they’re trans- as said above, write about transgender characters, not about being transgender.

This is harmful because it minimizes the very real pain and dysphoria that can be caused by misgendering or dead-naming. Changing names and pronouns are often the very first steps trans people take in their transition, and an instrumental part of their identities and journeys. Consider it in terms of your face. You have your own very specific face and it is an integral part of yourself and identity. Imagine someone repeatedly insisting that it’s different. They tell you that your eyes are a different color, or your jaw is shaped differently. It would be uncomfortable, and it’s wrong. Obviously this isn’t an exact or fair comparison, but names and pronouns are not just words when it comes to identity and trans narratives. 

In terms of alternatives to this trope, there aren’t any. 

There is no acceptable or reasonable way to write a character being misgendered or dead-named as a cis author. This is especially true when you take it upon yourself to make up a dead name for a character. No excuses, no arguments. Just don’t do it. 

The Self-Hating Trans Person

The Self-Hating Trans Person trope is where a trans person’s dysphoria, be it physical, emotional, or social, is so extreme that they hate themselves and their bodies in an all-consuming way. This character is incapable of loving themselves and will often rely on a cis character for positivity, support, or self-esteem.

It would be impossible to acknowledge this trope without considering its ubiquity- while the description above is clear and severe, it overlaps often with many other tropes and less intense versions of it have a tendency to appear in most trans narratives. It’s associated with the trans character wanting to be cis (often worded as wanting to be “normal”), behaving in ways dangerous to themselves, and/or refusing to accept comfort. For example, a couple common uses of this trope are unsafe binding in transmasculine people, self harm or mutilation, and conversion therapy. The Self-Hating Trans Person narrative typically involves the character being aggressive toward people who question or try to combat their self hatred as well. 

As touched upon in the Cis Savior trope, this is harmful because it perpetuates the stereotype that trans people must hate themselves, and be willing to go to extreme lengths because of it. Plenty of trans people don’t care that they’re trans, or even like that about themselves. The idea that being trans is something that should make a person hate themselves implies that it’s bad or wrong, which it isn’t. There are some trans people who do have these negative feelings- and of course deserve all the support they want and need- but plenty of trans people don’t feel that way. Trans people can and do love themselves and their bodies. Some trans people don’t have severe dysphoria, or may not really have any at all. Trans character’s narratives shouldn’t always be about suffering.

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans person who loves themselves and their trans body. (Be conscientious of straying into fetishistic territory, though- trans people are more than their bodies! When in doubt, ask.)

A trans person whose unhappiness is about something else, like losing a pet.

A trans person being loved and supported by their friends. 

The Forced Outing

The Forced Outing trope usually goes hand-in-hand with the Misgendered Trans Person. This trope includes a trans person, either closeted (not out, pre-transition) or stealth (not out, post-transition) having their identity as transgender being revealed to one or more people without their permission.

When it comes to Forced Outings, this usually happens around a cis love-interest, and is typically followed by said love-interest assuring the trans character that this doesn’t matter to them. Another common response is the trans character becoming a victim of violence, such as a beating or sexual assault. For example, a trans person gets “caught changing” and is outed to the person who sees them, without their consent. The “caught changing” is another common way this trope is expressed, usually in a bedroom, bathroom or locker room. Sometimes there’s a happy ending. Sometimes there isn’t.

It should be clear why this trope is harmful- outing someone, be it as transgender or gay or any other LGBT+ identity, is not just disrespectful, but it is extremely dangerous. Just because you wouldn’t react poorly doesn’t mean others are the same. Outing a trans person in real life could get them hurt really badly, or even killed, on top of being outright rude and presumptuous. While this is fiction, it’s important to recognize that the media we consume affects the way we view real world situations. In your story, things may turn out fine, but the harsh reality is that in real life, it usually doesn’t. Trans people can and do get killed when they’re outed. Besides that, it follows along with the rhetoric that someone is “lying” if they don’t immediately disclose that they’re transgender. Trans people do not have to tell you that they’re trans, especially if they don’t know you. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternative: 

A trans person already being out to and accepted by their loved ones.

The Predatory Trans Person

The Predatory Trans Person is usually same-gender-attracted (SGA) and/or transfeminine. They prey on cis people by coercing them into romantic or sexual relationships. Sometimes the trans person is considered predatory because they didn’t out themselves beforehand, or they use their being transgender as a means of guilting someone into having sex with them. It often overlaps with the PIV trope.

These narratives often revolve around sexual situations, and tend to focus on the cis partner as the main character. It prioritizes the comfort and feelings of the cis person. They’re uncomfortable, but can’t say it for fear of being seen as transphobic, or making their partner angry. For example, the cis character and trans character go on a few dates, and the trans character is presumed cis until they get to the bedroom. The trans character is pre-op and “convinces” the cis person to have sex with them anyway, despite them being uncomfortable. The most common form of this narrative is the transmisogynistic telling of a trans lesbian “coercing” a cis lesbian into sex.

This is harmful for two reasons- first and foremost, it paints trans people as being inherently predatory. It implies that trans people are only trans in order to have sex with those who otherwise wouldn’t be interested in them, reinforcing a long-standing transphobic notion that being transgender is related to sexual deviance and/or fetishes. Trans people are not inherently predatory. Trans people are not just rapists in disguise. Second of all, it makes assumptions about the genitals of trans people. Some are pre-op or no-op, of course, but not all of us are. Some trans people have had bottom surgery. Some trans men have penises, some have vaginas. Some trans women have vaginas, some have penises. And even those who haven’t had bottom (gender confirmation) surgery are still allowed and able to enjoy sex with the genitals they have, and use language regarding their genitals that they feel most comfortable with. There’s nothing wrong with that. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans person having sex with another trans person.* 

A trans person and a cis person having consensual sex.*

A trans person participating in nonsexual intimacy with their partner.

The Genderbend

The Genderbend actually refers to two common transphobic tropes; the first is headcanoning a cis character as being trans as the opposite gender. In other words, headcanoning a cis woman as a trans man, or a cis man as a trans woman. 

It also refers to the common fandom trope of genderbending (also known as cisswap) to make a character of one gender into the “opposite,” typically associated with changing their physical characteristics to match this new assigned gender.

Narratives about the Genderbend trope rely on two primary assumptions. They assume every character is cis by default, and that certain characteristics are inherent to certain genders. The cis to trans version of this trope often focuses on a “coming out” story in which the character realizes they are trans and comes out to their loved ones before pursuing social and/or medical transitioning. 

Cisswap, on the other hand, completely avoids the concept of being transgender, and instead makes the character into the “opposite” gender while they’re still cis. This often comes with physical changes, such as a character made into a girl getting wider hips and a more “feminine” facial structure, as is associated with cis women.

These narratives are harmful because of the assumptions they make about all characters/people being cis by default, and that these characters must have the common physical characteristics associated with that body type. The Genderbend in which a cis character is headcanoned as the “opposite” gender perpetuates a harmful rhetoric that trans people are really just their assigned gender at birth with a different presentation. It pushes the idea that transfeminine people are men in dresses and transmasculine people are self-hating women, both of which are misconceptions behind a lot of transphobic violence people face. 

Cisswap relies on the idea that presentation or physical characteristics equate to gender, and that in order to be a gender, someone must look a certain way. This is not only harmful to trans people, but to any person who does not fit strict western binary beauty standards. It also fails to acknowledge that gender is not a simple binary of man or woman, but a spectrum that includes a multitude of identities. It should also be noted that the Cisswap trope relies on standards of gender and presentation that are intersexist, racist, and antisemitic as well. In general, the Cisswap trope is harmful to many marginalized groups of people, including but not limited to trans people.

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

Headcanoning/writing a character as being trans while keeping their gender the same.

A character being nonbinary.

Creating new OCs who are trans.

The Bottom Trans Man/Top Trans Woman (PIV in Trans/Cis Relationships)

The PIV (Penis in Vagina Sex) Trope is exclusive to Trans/Cis relationships, and typically revolves around same gender relationships. In the PIV trope, a pre-op trans person has penis-in-vagina sex with their cis partner. 

In these narratives, the focus is very heavy on the pre-op genitalia of the trans person in the relationship. It’s most commonly seen in m/m fanfiction, in which the trans man has vaginal sex with his cis partner, but also exists in f/f fic in which the trans woman engages in penetrative sex with her partner’s vagina. That’s not to say that trans people can’t or don’t enjoy sex this way, but in this particular trope, it is specifically written in a way that focuses in a fetishistic way on the genitals of trans people and makes broad assumptions about the bodies trans people have and the types of sex they enjoy. These narratives write all trans men as bottoms, and all trans women as tops. 

The reason this is harmful is because of the way it generalizes trans people’s bodies, their relationships to them, and the way they engage in sex. Of course there are pre-op (and no-op) trans people who do enjoy PIV sex with their partners, but that does not mean all trans people have those bodies or have that sort of sex. There are trans men who are tops, and trans women who are bottoms. There are trans people who have dysphoria about their genitals, and those who don’t. Some do not or cannot enjoy PIV sex, and that’s okay! The other common issue with this trope is the way that trans people’s bodies are described. Trans people often use words for their bodies that you might consider “anatomically incorrect” because it’s the language that they feel most comfortable with. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans person having sex with another trans person.*

A trans person having non-PIV sex with their partner.*

A trans person participating in nonsexual intimacy with their partner.

The Trans/Cis Relationship

Finally, the Trans/Cis Relationship trope- this trope isn’t inherently bad- there’s nothing wrong on its own with a romantic pairing being between a trans and cis character. The specific dynamic this is about is the trans character requiring reassurance, validation, or other kinds of support from their partner that a cis character would not ask for. 

This trope is very commonly associated with Cis Savior and PIV tropes as well. It focuses on the trans person being in a relationship with a cis person who they depend on to “validate” their gender, help with their dysphoria, and protect them from transphobic behavior. It tends to infantilize trans people and make them into someone who cannot function outside their relationship with the cis character. For example, a transfeminine character relying on their boyfriend to make them feel “feminine” enough in their relationship. While Trans/Cis relationships are not inherently bad or wrong, it can be very easy to fall into a trap of writing the cis character as the Cis Savior, and often comes hand in hand with PIV sex when it’s a non-heterosexual couple.

The reason that this trope can be harmful is that it implies trans people are not enough on their own- that they need the support of a cis person who decides they’re “normal” in order to stay mentally well. It comes back often to the Cis Savior trope as well. Trans/Cis relationships written by cis authors may fall into these traps without meaning to. Beyond that, trans people can- and often do- date each other. In fact, some trans people are t4t, meaning that they choose to only date other trans people because it’s what’s most comfortable for them and may be safer depending on the situation they live in. Trans people do not enter relationships based on who will make them feel “valid,” but on who they love- the same as everyone else. 

Instead of writing narratives like these, consider the following alternatives:

A trans person’s partner being trans as well. (Although, again, be mindful to write stories about trans characters, not about being trans!)

A trans person being emotionally supportive of their cis partner.

A trans person being single.

Thank you so much for sticking with me during this! I know it’s long, and that it’s not easy to read things that make you question things you’re used to, or to reevaluate things you may have written in the past. Once again, none of this was an attack! The goal of this series of posts is to inform and educate, rather than shame. People who make these mistakes often do it because they don’t know any better, or haven’t been exposed to anything besides these tropes. I encourage you to look at what other trans people have said about portrayals, and when writing trans characters, look for someone who would be willing to beta for you if you’re unsure. When in doubt, ask. And remember- write about trans characters, not about being trans! There are certain nuances to being transgender that, as a cis person, you simply don’t have the background or experiences to write on, and that’s okay! We’re all learning and growing together.

*If you absolutely want to write sex scenes involving trans people, the best thing to do is to get a trans beta- and listen to them- as well as use language that may not be what you consider anatomically correct. Trans people may call their genitals by words that don’t “match” for their own comfort, and using language that focuses on pre-op genitalia can come across and/or be fetishistic. Be mindful and respectful when writing these scenes.

[masterweaverx]

So I’d like to open this by saying I’m autistic, and I generally operate on the presumption that I don’t understand anyone--at least, not without some investigation and interaction. Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

Recently, I’ve seen posts about an interesting paradox regarding representation; a lot of writers want to include XYZ group, but don’t want to risk doing it ‘wrong.’ Thus characters are Gay/Trans/Bi/Jewish/Islam/Black/Whatever and, yet, this is unimportant. Or we have tokenistic characters where being a member of This Group is their defining and, in fact, only character trait. Either too little, or too much. Or maybe they’re background characters, done right except for the part where they don’t affect the plot.

I think there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of representation is influencing this. We’re thinking of the group as archetype--a statue that is All Defined and we put clothes on it and make it move. But... paradoxical as it seems, being a member of a group is but one of many possible character traits. And the thing about character traits is that they affect a character, and through that influence the plot, but they rarely dominate the plot unless the plot is specifically about that character trait.

To take a fantastical and therefore somewhat obvious example: Blake Belladonna, from the Web Show RWBY, has cat ears. This is A Very Big Deal, because fantasy racism and also because she’s good at hearing things. A big part of the plot is her saying “This is how my cat ears affect me, and how having cat ears affects my parents, and how I’m reacting.” But having cat ears is not her only trait--and in fact, they’re not her defining trait.

Blake enters the series having just escaped a psychologically abusive relationship. That affects how she acts around the strangers that will become her new friends, and how she’s afraid her parents will never love her again. She’s also quite well-read, which gives her an interesting conversation with character Ruby Rose at the start of the series about fairy tales and real life. She has a ninja-like combat skill and a samurai-like sense of honor, so in situations that involve protecting others she never gives up (even if she thinks she herself isn’t worthy of love at the start of the series, see abusive relationship). And she wants to make the world a better place for a number of reasons--she’s been hurt by it, she’s hurt the world herself, and it’s just the right thing to do.

All of this, and a few other factors, combine to affect how she acts and reacts to the plot of the series. When the Fantasy Racism comes up, yes, her cat ears are important--but they don’t just snap out of existence when Yang Xiao Long says “Okay, it’s time for me to talk about my abandonment issues!” or when Cinder Fall says “My bad guy contract says I have to be malevolent now.” Blake’s ears let her hear small details, and her treatment because of them has her cautious about who to trust--very, VERY important things to the plot that, nonetheless, aren’t specifically about Cat Ear Racism.

One big example I can think of is her confrontation with her abusive ex, who at this point has just gone straight up Yandere and is blaming her for everything. The scene is not about her having cat ears--in fact, the cat ears are not at all included in all the false accusations he throws out. But, because she can hear something he doesn’t, she’s able to reposition herself and let her partner join in, dramatically shifting the direction of the scene.

The character trait affects the character’s action, and through that influences the plot. It has weight, but it’s not the only trait the character has. This is true for any character trait, no matter how fantastical or realistic.

May Marigold, from the same series, is a transgender woman. And she’s not just there to say “I need my Estrogen pills!” every four hours, but neither is her being transgender just a Neat Factoid You Find In The Manual. It influences her character--pretty clearly in one scene, where she outright states her biological relatives are no longer family--but it doesn’t mean she’s just The Trans Character. And, actually, let’s take her big speech as an example of what I mean.

Weiss: People are dying here, too. Don’t you have family in Atlas?

May: No. Mantle needed me, and to the Marigolds, that meant I wasn’t their son anymore. And I made sure that everyone knew that I wasn’t their daughter. So forget ‘em. They’ve got Henry, yours have Whitley. You get what I’m saying.

Weiss: I don’t know about-

May angrily turns to face Weiss.

May: Which side are you on, anyway?

Blake: We’ve heard that before.

May steps toward Blake to confront her, but Ruby chimes in.

Ruby: There are no sides! We want to help everyone. We’re all facing Salem together. And together is the only way we’re going to get out of it.

May: (sighs) So, how exactly do we get out of it?

As the group ponders their situation, Whitley Schnee can be seen in the hallway eavesdropping on the conversation.

The point of this scene isn’t “May is trans.” It’s that she had a very bad relationship with her biological relatives, to the point where they don’t consider each other family--and that as a result of that, she associated Atlas with all that’s wrong with the world and thinks Weiss should too, since Weiss ostensibly has a similar background. Her being transgender very clearly influences her speech, but it’s not the driving aspect of the plot. In fact, Whitley overhearing this and being compared to Henry (previously established as pretty shallow and horrible) directly causes him to affect the plot by becoming as helpful as he can. This is entirely unrelated to her being transgender, and much more related to her biological relatives being horrible people.

May is, in fact, somewhat in the wrong here--but it’s in character for her to be in the wrong, as she’s basing her choices off her own experiences. That said, she’s also got a sort of ‘cool anger’ in her speech--she’s used to people not getting why she’d be insulted (since not many people would instantly get transgenderism) and so keeps her tone calm even when she’s glaring at Weiss. It’s not until Weiss begins to directly contradict her that she snaps--again, another factor of transgender life is too many people saying ‘You sure? You could be wrong.’ This is all behavior that makes sense for a transgender person, considering their likely experiences, but applied to a subject that is not explicitly about transgenderism--in this case, whether Atlas or Mantle is more important to save from big bad Salem.

Character traits affect the characters, and through them influence the plot. But the character is never just one trait, and the plot is rarely about just one thing. May is an excellent character--she’s snarky, but willing to guide the youngsters, loyal to those who care about others, encouraging and realistic, very much a person who got saddled with too much responsibility in way too short a time and is trying her best. And she’s transgender, and that affects how she acts, both when she’s being great and when she’s slipping up.

If you want to write representation, don’t write The Whatever Character. Write a character that happens to be whatever.

[bisexualspongebob]

(long post)

Honestly from one bisexual to another—a lot of u just need to step back, take a deep breath, and chill. I thought it was important to have some sort of civil discussion regarding bi/pan/microlabel discourse, but people just did not know how to be civil and made it into a war.

Listen—neither bi ppl nor pan ppl are a monolithic group. The Bi Manifesto is not a bi-ble for all bisexuals to follow, it is just historical evidence that bisexuality by definition was never exclusive or regressive. The manifesto itself even says that not all bisexuals use the word “bisexual” and everyone has a unique relationship to their sexuality and that includes usage of labels. Yes technically all the different microlabels mean bisexual, but people can and have always been allowed to use what’s right for them, and that is not a personal attack on you or bisexuals as a whole.

And also pan people are not all the same, they’re a diverse group like bisexuals. Yes I get frustrated too when people use the biphobic and transphobic comparisons of bi vs. pan definitions and I think that’s what started this fight in the first place, but that’s not representative of pansexuals as a whole. You do know that a lot of people use bi and pan interchangeably? And a lot of pan people do show support and solidarity to bisexuals. And a lot of pan people speak out against biphobia. And biphobia affects them because at the end of the day we all experience attraction to more than one genders.

We can call out biphobia and transphobia without going into personal attacks or generalization of a whole group. If people want to use a term they resonate with then just let them, that’s cool. And if someone says “I identify as pan bc unlike bisexuals I’m attracted to nonbinary people too” you should just call them out for saying something biphobic, that’s it. If that’s how they choose to feel that’s on them, but that’s not representative of pansexuality as a whole. There are a lot of bisexuals who use their label to excuse their transphobia (“I’m bi because I’m not attracted to trans people”) and they’re not representative of bisexuality as a whole.

And yes it is shitty to see when mainstream media portrays pan as the “woke” version of bi, but you should call them out on the biphobia. It’s perfectly possible to make pansexual characters without throwing bisexuals under the bus, and it won’t do anything to try to “ban” pansexual representation. The more we destigmatize bisexuality the more the root issue gets solved.

And people will say “then what’s the difference?” and honestly who cares about the differences? Some people use pan for any reason they want. Dissecting the differences doesn’t help anyone. Both bi and pan are attracted to all genders. I see pan people who have preferences and pan people who do take gender as a factor into their attraction. So there’s no point in going through mental gymnastics to differentiate them. They can coexist and be synonyms.

And if we can customize our own gender then why not sexuality? If you don’t want to use bi then that’s not a problem. The only problem is if you see bisexuality as an archaic and prejudiced term, be respectful of other labels especially if they’ve been around for much longer. But if you acknowledge bi for what it is but still want to use another term then you deserve that respect. Some terms like lesbian though are not an umbrella term and that should be respected, but do what u want that also respects the boundary of certain terms.

And like that’s all I have to really say. I know I went through an anti-pan phase for a while but my issue didn’t lie within the people themselves, it lied more in the fact that a lot of people used the term as a reason to stigmatize and bastardize bisexuality. Of course you’re gonna get defensive when people say bad things about your label, that’s what I did. But I had an open mind the whole time and was willing to listen to all voices. Please don’t dedicate your mental energy to changing the mind of strangers online. Don’t dedicate your mental energy into trying to dismantle a community that has already cultivated. You will find it much more fulfilling to find solidarity with them. Because there are so many pansexual, omnisexual, any other-sexual people who fight for bisexuals, feel solidarity with bisexuals, support bisexuals, and also identify as bisexual.

At the end of the day, experience will always trump labels. The root of every issue regarding biphobia is and will always be cishets. Let’s all fight biphobia itself regardless of who it comes from and remember that we are not each other’s enemies and oppressors.

And if you actually read through all of this then thank you and have a good one 🏳️‍🌈

[sothisblessmysoul]

Relationship headcanons Dimitri with an s/o who is a trans man? Comes out to him before they date and after the 5 yr gap they're well into their changes (hormones/surgery). Helps him heal and love himself, but also deeply worried that Dimitri wont feel the same about them as before? Sorryifthat'ssuperspecific--

{Please tell me if anything is incorrect and insensitive because I have no personal experience and the internet isn’t helpful. Also please don’t apologize for being specific, if anything it helped me. and I don’t know if surgery is a thing in the game but by the will of God, I will make it.} 

[ TW: Small mention of gender dysphoria and being misgendered ]

༓ʚ This Is Me ɞ༓

Summary: Dimitri’s lover coming out to him as a trans man

༓Pre-Skip Dimitri is going to be flattered that you told him because it means that you trust him and are serious about this relationship, and him. But even though you told him this, Dimitri is frankly just going to awkwardly nod in response, unsure of how to reply because it doesn’t change his crush on you.

There isn’t much that Dimitri knows what to do aside from threatening and correcting people if you’re misgendered. He isn’t good with fashion either so he doesn’t know what to wear that makes you look masculine. Although he might offer his clothes to you. But you’ll probably need help from someone like Hilda or Dorothea who is good with clothes.

༓Post-Skip Dimitri is still going to help encourage and support, and love you endlessly just like before the two of you got together, and just like when both of you started dating, and just like now. 

No one could for a second think that he doesn’t love you any more or any less, not when Dimitri looks at you with such pride and deep affection. There is no issue or problem in the relationship when it comes to your gender, it is not your fault that you were born as the wrong gender. 

So, if Dimitri notices that you are starting to experience gender dysphoria, he will comfort you to the best of his ability. You are his best friend, his boyfriend, and someday Dimitri hopes that you’ll become his future husband.

༓Transition  [ If you go through hormone changes ] Dimitri is going to be happy when the hormone changes start to work. He’ll take notice of how your voice changes and might comment on how soothing it sounds.  

If you start to get facial hair (and grow it out); Dimitri is going to be a little jealous solely because he can’t grow one without looking like a hobo but be supportive. However, if you do not get facial hair (or don’t grow it out), he understands how it can upset you. 

When/if your body starts to grow more hairy, Dimitri isn’t going to mind it because you’re a man, of course, you’re going to have body hair. If you find it yourself to be gross, he doesn’t know how to respond since Dimitri doesn’t find it gross because it’s just a common thing to him.

[ If you get surgery ] Dimitri is no stranger to scars, especially having them so he doesn’t blink an eye at the scars on your chest, if anything he is proud you did such a thing. If you decide to go shirtless for the first time, he isn’t going to be flustered by it since Dimitri is so used to seeing topless men due to the war not allowing people to have privacy when changing. Dimitri will have something to say if someone comments on it.

[ If you don’t get surgery ]  He isn’t going to be of any help with binding because of how anxious he is. Dimitri is scared that he is going to do it too tight and hurt you when binding it. If you want to do it, he really will suggest you pick someone else but he’ll do it so long as you help him. It’s almost funny seeing a tall murderous man scared to do such a thing. Dimitri is also always trying to find good new ones for you which means you’ll end up with a lot of chest binders.