#sometimes the artists make the angel a woman but so many of them are so intimate

[blueish-bird]

I'll make the character as introspective and poetic as I want but I will respect that in canon they probably don't know what a whisk is

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

All of the background/minor characters in Helluva Boss are much more interesting than the main characters and I’m entirely certain it’s because they aren’t forced into the Stolitz universe and they’re the only reason I watch the show now.

Like, look at this imp family/single parent unit here.

They’re watching the trial, but before that the imp woman was washing dishes and the son was grabbing cookies off the shelf.

Hi! Thanks so much for reaching out.

I absolutely agree and I think there are a couple of reasons for this—

First—The imps actually have RULES for how theyre designed as a species.

These rules are really simple, and so pretty much anyone can design an imp.

1. Imps have red skin and yellow eyes.

2. Scars, birthmarks, freckles, and other skin markings are white

3. All imps have horns. Biologically female imps have black horns and black hair, and biologically male imps have white hair and white and black striped horns.

What’s nice is that, even with these general guidelines, there’s plenty of room for variation in designing imps. Some imp’s legs are bent like a satyr’s some have more human legs, they have varying lengths of tails, different body shapes and sizes, etc.

Idk if these design rules were in place for Imps as a species from the very beginning of the show, but I think having these rules helps A LOT because it means the character designers do have freedom to make unique and appealing designs, while not getting TOO crazy, which prevents them from being too over-designed:

(All character design sheets by Erin Frost—former artist and character designer for Helluva Boss)

Second—due to being background characters, they’re less likely to over-designed in general. This hasn’t always been the case (and sometimes still isn’t) with Hellaverse shows, especially Hazbin’s Pilot:

I don’t even think these are all necessarily “bad” or incompetent character designs on their own, but they have a lot of little details, and when they’re all squished together like that, it causes some pretty rough visual clutter. Charlie is supposed to by the main focus of the above shots, but she doesn’t really stand out from the background crowd.

Same with shot of Alastor watching the broadcast—he stands out a little better since he’s silhouetted, but the characters in the foreground having so much going on really detracts from Alastor as the main focal point.

This is also just like. Not a very good composition. I’m really not trying to be mean or rude but, the characters being so overly designed and having such similar color palettes really muddles things.

Also—because there are so many design elements trying to be incorporated at once, we sometimes end up losing all those little extra details that are added due to the visual clutter. I didn’t have any idea Alastor was a deer until like 2 years ago, because his antlers were so small I never noticed them. I thought he was an owl, tbh.

I think we get the most overly complicated designs when the character artists and designers are given like. 3 or 4 different themes or ideas that they have to blend together. Alastor is a deer AND a “radio demon” AND a practitioner of voudo. Angel Dust is a spider AND a mafioso AND a porn star. Some of those ideas absolutely end up being lost because so much is trying to be fit into the design.

The most infamous example of this is Queen Bee, who’s supposed to be a honey bee, lava lamp, fennec fox, party girl, and apparently also an animal tamer?

And I’ll be honest, I’m actually one of the few people who kind of likes her design. I think if you were to simplify her and take out a lot of the extra details, she could still be a fun sparkle dog-type character. But there’s so much going on with her, that a lot of her design elements get lost.

Like, apparently the little pink mark on her forehead is actually a closed eye??? Like I think it’s supposed to be an Ocelli, the third “eye” insects can have:

But it’s just like. Closed usually I guess. In theory, it’s not a terrible design idea for an insect character, but Bee has SO MUCH going on visually that this design choice gets entirely lost. I just thought it was like. A weird symbol on her forehead, and it took me AGES to realize it’s supposed to be her Ocelli or a third eye.

This happens a lot with more of the main characters in Hb and Hazbin, because they’re apparently supposed to be SO many different things that the character designs get too cluttered.

I think this is the main reason for a lot of the less appealing character designs in the Hellaverse, because they’re trying to be like. Ten different things at once. The imps avoid this fate though because, other than maybe their general profession and age, they’re supposed to be imps. They have those design rules we outlined before. I think thats what makes the biggest difference and is also why Mammon is actually the best design of the seven deadly sins because he’s literally just a round jester you look at him and your brain goes “yep that’s a jester” and youre not left trying to figure out what he’s supposed to be for 10 minutes. He’s not trying to be seven things at once. He’s a jester. With some extra arms. Sorry I was wrong when I said it was belphagor before. It’s mammon. Dudes literally just a jester.

[thepachy]

Random list of events that led Eric to drown in his own insanity and linked to his obsession with the Seeds

Killing Cole

His "friend" who ended up being his sacrifice in the manipulative game Jacob made specially designed for him. His first murder and first crucified sinner, years before he started his movement. The night When everyone discovered that their supposed friend was just a liar from the cult and broke all trust

He had no one but his new family and only them could protect him

Discovering the true about the ArtistS

What an amazing thing when you discover that your parental figure, the man who gave you a purpose, protection and everything you ever wanted and needed, who made you think you were some gift from God, that you were special and unique but that it never really was the case. It’s true it hurt when he discovered why the artist rules existed and why he wasn’t supposed to be drugged or even passing Jacob’s trials. Frederic, that was the name of the first one. A poor man that after discovering how insane John was, got shot while trying to run away. Then Clarissa. A beautiful woman ready to do anything for Joseph, but of course it made an older Faith jealous and after some advices to make her feel less bad about what she saw, the bliss consumed her mind into becoming an angel.

He wasn’t special. And if he didn’t followed orders he could be replaced. Was that the feeling that some Faiths felt before disappearing ?

His growing obsession

He became obsessed by the Seed siblings. What they did, how they acted, they’re tattoos and scars. Everything was in his sketchbooks. They truly were his muses. All of them but the most surprising was The Soldier. This man could be seen as the worst in some ways and Eric was against most of the things he did. Living in his region was horrible and almost sickening. All this violence and blood. This wasn’t for him but still, he found something fascinating in that man. Him, his story and all his scars… all those scars he grew to know the exact number and position. He was fascinated… obsessively. Stockholm syndrome ? Who cares. He saw something in him or at least he thought. He tried his best to climb those walls the man had built for decades till one day… he saw a crack. This night, he saw the man being himself. The sad facade he desperately tried to hide behind his harsh self. He found it interesting and felt like he weirdly had to protect him. He continued to stay near him. Even more than before. After a long time, the man accepted his presence and sometimes even ordered him to stay near. Why would the strongest want to keep this weak pet around ? They sure had a weird bond but no one dared to question it

The explosion

Sure it wasn’t a big event and it happened pretty late in the story but ending up between a fight and bliss barrels catching fire and projecting him in the lake was enough to shake his brain and burn some skin. Even the Soldier got worried

Now following the fcnd canon leading to the Stag

The death of his partner the Soldier

They saw this day coming but he still feared it more than the collapse. He knew it will happen after hearing the news. He passed hours crying at his legs, begging for him to breathe again after handing him his dog tags. But nothing happened. The man was gone. His protector was gone. What will he do now ? How will he survive ? How this ? How that ?… they had to drag him back to the center where he passed few days going insane. So many feelings storming in his head. Sadness and anger. This growing rage towards the man that promised to protect them all but ended up letting his siblings die one by one. He confronted him few days before the collapse but he was just incoherent

The bunker

Then it happened. The day they all were waiting for. Days. Weeks. Months. Years. Was there other people with him to spend those years or was he alone ? He didn’t knew.? Maybe he ate them like his brain was eating his cells to survive or how his broken feelings were eating his soul. Only the silence of his voice, maybe theirs too. Sometimes the radio cracked or maybe it was only an illusion and his mind tricked him jus like his ? Who knows. This rage and sadness only grew by the years, consuming his self till not remembering how was the world outside or even the face of the one he knew every detail of. His mind was just cracking day after day, month after month he forgot who he was and years after years his mind shattered. He became an animal trapped in those walls under the surface. If one day he would escape this cage, he would hunt and wander like a lost animal without real purpose.

The artist died without any masterpiece and the deer became the Stag

[bibliophileiz]

I just finished a book called The Queens of Animation by Nathalia Holt, about women animators at the Walt Disney Studio. I cannot believe the shit I found out.

(Hopefully I got this all correct, I was listening to an audiobook instead of reading a hard copy, so I can't consult it for name spellings and the like. I'm relying on Google, and well, we know how that goes sometimes.)

Some things I learned from this book. -Walt Disney became a personal champion of women in the animation department, arguing not just that they were as talented as men but that they could bring something to storytelling that men could not. After his death, the number of women in the animation and story departments plummeted, along with the animation department itself. -But he also paid women way less. (Except Mary Blair.)

Not just women, but many animators had a hard time getting on-screen credit for their work. This was one of the issues that led to a massive strike in 1941 that tore the department in two, temporarily shut down the studio, and resulted in a lot of people, both union and non-union, losing their jobs when it finally reopened.

On the rare occasion women did get credit, they were sometimes ignored by reviewers.

The second woman to be hired to the animation department, Grace Huntington, was a pilot who held multiple speed and altitude records. She eventually quit the studio with the hopes of getting a full time aviation job, but died young of TB before her career could take off.

Traditional animation is apparently a terrible way to make money. Only a handful of the early animated feature-length films made more at the box office than it took to make them.

Women animators were drawing things for The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast as early as the 1930s.

Men thought drawing fairies was unmanly, so the fairy sequence set to Nutcracker music in Fantasia was drawn and directed entirely by women.

While the women animators were doing that, the men drew super gross racist and sexist centaurs to Beethoven music, and the reviewers all hated it. (Essentially they were like HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO BEETHOVEN.) - Generally, male animators tended to like slapstick comedy in their cartoons, while women tended to be more about storytelling and character development.

Obviously there were exceptions to that rule, like Walt Disney and Mark Davis.

Disney hired an LSU professor to write Song of the South. When everyone pointed out to him this was a terrible idea, he hired a Communist Jew from New York as co-writer for "balance."

This went about as well as you'd expect.

When the LSU professor demanded his co-writer get taken off the script, Disney replaced him with another "progressive" white guy.

Apparently he never considered hiring an African-American writer.

Literally everyone, including the studio's legal team, told him not to make this movie, much less hire a white guy from Baton Rouge to write it.

The lead actor James Baskett, who won an Honorary Academy Award for the role, couldn't go to the premiere because it was held in Atlanta.

Meanwhile, the Communist got put on Cinderella. He interpreted the story as a worker rising up against her oppressors.

This is also known as the correct way to interpret Cinderella.

Apparently the writer (so sorry, I'm forgetting his name) included a "violent" scene in which Cinderella goes after her stepmother and stepsisters.

I have no more details than that, but apparently the other animators made him take it out.

I'm now just picturing Cinderella stalking around her house with a raised butcher knife in her hand like in "Psycho."

Artist Mary Blair was art director for many of the classic Disney movies, including Cinderella and Alice in Wonderland. Disney loved her work so much that when she had to move to Long Island for her husband's job, Disney let her work remotely and fly back and forth from New York to Los Angeles.

She was responsible for the rich colors and design choices in the princess movies. She resigned part way through "Sleeping Beauty" but the art director after her used her designs for Maleficent.

Her husband, Lee Blair, was also an animator for the studio before he left to fight in World War II. He was apparently extremely jealous of Mary's artistic talent, and when he returned from Europe, he moved the family to Long Island, became an alcoholic, and started abusing her and later their children. Mary didn't feel she could go to Walt, or any of her other friends at the studio like Retta Scott and Mark and Alice Davis, because domestic violence and divorce were so taboo back then.

Even after the move, Disney let her work remotely, and she spent a lot of time flying between New York and Los Angeles. She eventually resigned hoping to work on her marriage (this didn't really work, though her husband did eventually start going to AA meetings after spending a year in jail for drunk driving) but was later rehired to help design the It's A Small World ride.

Everyone who worked on that ride hated the song btw.

The men apparently got over the idea of drawing fairies making their balls fall off or something by the time they were making Peter Pan, but one of them still asked why Tinker Bell "had to be so naughty".

101 Dalmations was the first animated film to be made using Xerox technology, which decimated the studio's female-dominated ink and paint department (their job was to trace over the animators' work). The Xerox machines could only make black and white at first, which is why so much of that movie is so colorless compared to the earlier Disney films Mary Blair worked on.

The silver lining was everyone got to play with puppies while they were making it because Disney ordered a whole bunch of them to just be there in the studio for the animators to draw.

Speaking of cute animals, the Burbank lot was home to a bunch of stray cats. Disney liked them being there because they hunted mice, so he didn't like when employees fed them.

Disney hated 101 Dalmations, because of the Xerox machines, but it made more of a profit than any of his previous films, because of the Xerox machines.

Julie Andrews originally turned down the role of Mary Poppins because she was pregnant, and Disney promised to wait on her. (Joss Whedon, take notes.)

After Walt died of lung cancer, the animation department was nearly killed and pretty much stopped hiring women. Mary Blair, who had been almost as influential to Disney's art as Walt, was edged out and by the time new animators started working on the Disney Renaissance films, they didn't even know who she was.

Many of the women who left the studio went on to work for Little Golden Books and other children's book publishing companies.

One of the few women animators at the company at this time, Heidi Guedel, who drew Tigger, left with Don Bluth when he departed to form his own company in 1979.

When The Little Mermaid was in production, there was only one woman animator--she may have been the only woman in the entire story department, I don't remember.

Disney then began hiring more women animators at the directive of then-Disney CEO Mike Eisner and head of animation Jeffrey Katzenberg.

One of the women screenwriters working on Beauty and the Beast (I think Linda Woolverton, but it may have been Brenda Chapman) wrote a scene in which Belle puts pins on a map showing where all she hopes to travel.

The animators changed the scene in the storyboards so that Belle is in the kitchen making a cake instead. When the screenwriter saw it, she apparently raged BELLE DOES NOT MAKE CAKES!

Pixar at this time had no women in its animation department.

Brenda Chapman became the first woman to win an Academy Award for Best Animated Feature Film for Brave. During her acceptance speech, she talked about her daughter Emma.

When making Frozen, Disney held a "sister summit" of women discussing their relationships with their sisters and other women. Men at the summit were not allowed to speak.

btw Brenda Chapman also worked on The Prince of Egypt. (I did not learn this from the book, I learned it just now while looking her up on imdb.)

If I have had a very bad day, and am very tired, then the mere mention of Howard Ashman's name will make me break down in tears.

[crystallinearts]

so hey guys, I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year! if you want, come be writing buddies with me! https://nanowrimo.org/participants/aj-strong

and check out my latest project, which I'm hoping will be my first published novel (if I'm able to publish it for people to read for free somewhere uwu), The Lovely Disaster Sideshow! It's a mystery, horror, adventure, historical, weird mishmash that takes place in a Victorian Era circus!

Here's the cover, and below the cut are some bullet-point details about the main characters!! Let me know what you think so far, and... well, get ready for me to do very little else throughout November XD

ABIGAIL HUGHES AND EULALIA "LALI" HUGHES

Mother and daughter protagonists

Abigail (late 20s) is missing a hand and Lali (6 years old) is unable to speak due to trauma (Abigail’s missing hand and Lali’s trauma are both from the accident which killed Abigail’s husband)

They fill the jobs of whatever needs done within the circus after joining; cooking, mending, running errands

Abigail occasionally performs with Bharata after he teaches her tricks on how to live without one hand

Lali enjoys working with Estelle and Cedar particularly, but the entire circus is protective of her as their youngest member

Native English

RINGMASTER

The circus ringleader, the master of ceremonies who runs shows and hires new workers

A friendly fellow (late 30s-early 40s) who welcomes anyone into the circus, regardless of disabilities or age, as long as they can work in some way or another

Creative in describing the sideshows to attract the attention of the public

In reality a cold, calculating bigot who is bitter toward, resentful of, and disgusted by the ‘freaks’ he employs in the circus

Native English

GWYNN

“The Eyeless Albino” visual oddity (pure white hair, no eyes)

A young man (early 20s) who is completely albino and was born without any eyes

He is entirely blind and relies on other people (most often Bharata and Siobhan) to help him around, though he’s learned to navigate most of the circus by sound as long as he has landmarks to go by; new areas confuse him until he learns the layout

His skin burns incredibly easily, meaning he often carries a parasol to block sun rays even when it’s cloudy

(His parasol also double functions as a makeshift cane) Welsh and a little English

SIOBHAN

“A Marvelous Mouth” sword swallower and fire breather

A young woman (early 30s) who is a former prostitute, leading the Ringmaster to capitalize on her relaxed gag reflex to make her into a sword swallower (and, occasionally when the shows need that extra oomph, fire breather)

Quite heavily tattooed, at least for the time period, she sports many tattoos on her arms, legs, back, and hands, as well as one on her neck; this causes many people to view her as a degenerate and adds to her ‘freakishness’ for the circus

Irish

CAIN AND ABEL

“Two-For-One Twins” visual oddity (conjoined twins)

Two young men (mid 20s) joined at the hip, they’re unable to be separated and sometimes have issues with moving around; they have separate bodies (two arms each, two legs each, separate torsos, separate heads, etc.) but their bodies are fused at the hip and doctors have all told them separation is too risky

They get along fairly well, with the occasional sibling fights, though they feel isolated even from the rest of the circus, stemming from only having had each other for most of their lives, especially given that they were the most recent additions before Abigail and Lali

Native English

ESTELLE

“Silent Angel” trapeze artist

A young woman (early 20s) who is almost entirely deaf and can only hear (barely) if someone is shouting right next to her ear, she cannot speak very well and prefers to communicate in other ways

She can’t read or write, but she’s made up her own variety of gestures (basically an individual sign language) to speak with the other circus performers, and she can read lips quite well

Short, petite, and kind… and will simply walk away from anyone who treats her or her friends cruelly

Spends hours teaching Lali her individual sign language, so that Lali can communicate even though she’s too traumatized to speak verbally

French and English

BHARATA

“One-Armed Wonder” knife thrower

A young man (late 20s) who has only one arm, and is perceived by many others as very clumsy; every household he’s worked for has set him up to fail by assigning him tasks that simply can’t be done with just one arm, leading him to find a belonging in the circus

Wanting to prove everyone wrong, he trained to do something that others thought couldn’t be done with only one arm: knife throwing… and is very good at it

He’s sympathetic toward Abigail and tries to teach her every single tip he has about how to live without one arm/hand

Indian

CEDAR

“Crystal Ball” fortune teller/palm reader/astrologist

A young nonbinary person (mid 20s) who was ostracized from society when they refused to answer to ‘she’, who ran away from home after their parents tried to beat them into conforming

No physical disability aside from dysphoria (which is obviously helped when they’re around supportive people who respect what they want to be called), and very supportive themself of the people in the circus who do have disabilities

Rather easygoing in terms of interacting with other people, they tend to simply go with the flow, but they’re also incredibly perceptive which is what makes them such a good fortune teller; while they do study palmistry, astrology, and tarot, they also employ the use of cold reading techniques (“might as well take advantage of all the gifts I have, including observation, right?”)

Native English

SALEM

“The Lizard Man” visual oddity (has X-linked ichthyosis resulting in scale-like skin)

A man (late 30s) who was cast out from society because of his strange appearance, stemming from his medical condition; people have been ‘terrified’ of his looks before, not to mention fearing that whatever he has is ‘contagious’ (despite him knowing from experience that he’s not)

Soft-spoken and gentle in general, but if one hits the right buttons he’s very capable of getting violent, particularly in defense of his friends

He has anywhere from 1-3 animals (that he’s nursing back to health) in his tent at any one time, even though he’s allergic to anything with fur… he has a soft spot for reptiles, though he adores all animals

Native English

[fuckthisshitimoutyall]

begging you to recommend me freaky fucked up dutch lit

Ok ok ok,,, so!

I have compiled a lil list for you, here's the thing though. These luckily do have english translations and depending on if you are Dutch/speak Dutch you will probably have heard of these. You will have seen them on the reading lists during high school because although your teacher tries to find something for everything and be a bit more modern,, it’s not all that successful.

sidenote for context:

Oftentimes, Dutch lit is not really for me. this has to do with the high school thing. reading levels in the Netherlands are down, about every year there will be some boomer or other complaining them youngsters don’t read anymore. True, but I vehemently believe this is because of what we had to read in high school. Because although its great if literature is weird, I mean yay artistic expression! Not too handy dandy when trying to introduce a bunch of teens to it to just throw em in the deep end and hope they’ve read them by the end of the year. It’s kind of a IYKYK thing. (it’s a rather complicated matter and this is a very condensed version of it but if I talk about that you’ll get an essay to get my thoughts across instead of what you’ve asked me which is some recommendations.)

Another bit of context: dutch lit doesn’t really shy away from religious, sexual, and sometimes gory themes. Infidelity sometimes feels a bit like the norm. Also lot of it is very straight (incest too). That being said, dutch literature has plenty of great stuff too (kader abdoulah has some cool stuff but is a lot less weird than trad dutch lit)

Having all That out of the way: FuckyWucky dutch lit incoming!:

(I have copied the descriptions from goodreads because I have not read all of these and if I were to go as far as do so this ask would not be answered for another two years)

De avond is ongemak/The discomfort of evening by Lucas Rijneveld

(The first one that reminded me when weird dutch lit comes to pass)

“I thought about being too small for so much, but that no one told you when you were big enough ... and I asked God if he please couldn't take my brother Matthies instead of my rabbit. 'Amen.'

Jas lives with her devout farming family in the rural Netherlands. One winter's day, her older brother joins an ice skating trip; resentful at being left alone, she makes a perverse plea to God; he never returns. As grief overwhelms the farm, Jas succumbs to a vortex of increasingly disturbing fantasies, watching her family disintegrate into a darkness that threatens to derail them all.

De engelenmaker/The angelmaker by Stefan Brijs

The village of Wolfheim is a quiet little place until the geneticist Dr. Victor Hoppe returns after an absence of nearly twenty years. The doctor brings with him his infant children-three identical boys all sharing a disturbing disfigurement. He keeps them hidden away until Charlotte, the woman who is hired to care for them, begins to suspect that the triplets-and the good doctor- aren't quite what they seem. As the villagers become increasingly suspicious, the story of Dr. Hoppe's past begins to unfold, and the shocking secrets that he has been keeping are revealed. A chilling story that explores the ethical limits of science and religion, The Angel Maker is a haunting tale in the tradition of The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Frankenstein . Brought to life by internationally bestselling author Stefan Brijs, this eerie tale promises to get under readers' skin.

Het smelt/The Melting by Lize Spit

Eva can trace the route to Pim's farm with her eyes closed, even though she has not been to Bovenmeer for many years. There she grew up among the rape fields and dairy farms. There lies also the root of all their grief.

Eva was one of three children born in her small Flemish town in 1988. Growing up alongside the boys Laurens and Pim, Eva sought refuge from her loveless family life in the company of her two friends. But with adolescence came a growing awareness of their burgeoning sexuality. Driven by their newly found desires, the children begin a game that will have serious and violent consequences for them all. Thirteen years after the summer she's tried for so long to forget, Eva is returning to her village. Everything fell apart that summer, but this time she'll be prepared. She has a large block of ice in her car boot and she's ready to settle the score...

Tirza/Tirza by Arnon Grunberg

Jorgen Hofmeester once had it all: a beautiful wife, a nice house with a garden in an upperclass neighborhood in Amsterdam, a respectable job as an editor, two lovely daughters named Ibi and Tirza, and a large amount of money in a Swiss bank account. But during the preparations for Tirza's graduation party, we come to know what he has lost. His wife has left him; Ibi is starting a bed and breakfast in France, an idea which he opposed; the director of the publishing house has fired him; and his savings accounts have vanished in the wake of 9/11.

But Hoffmeester still has Tirza, until she introduces him to her new boyfriend, Choukri - who bears a disturbing resemblance to Mohammed Atta - and they announce their plans to spend several months in Africa. A heartrending and masterful story of a man seeking redemption, Tirza marks a high point in Grunberg's still-developing oeuvre.

(also I think believe he has a thing for his daughters)

De donkere kamer van Damocles/The darkroom of Damocles by Willem Frederik Hermans

During the German occupation of Holland, tobacconist Henri Osewoudt is visited by Dorbeck. Dorbeck is Osewoudt's spitting image in reverse. Henri is blond and beardless, with a high voice; Dorbeck is dark-haired, and his voice deep.

Dorbeck gives Osewoudt a series of dangerous assignments: helping British agents and eliminating traitors. But the assassinations get out of hand...

The story of Osewoudt's fateful wanderings through a sadistic universe is thrilling. Is Osewoudt hero or villain? Or is he a psychopath, driven by delusions? It is the impossibility of ascertaining whether Osewoudt was on the "right" side or the "wrong" side - the moral issue of the Second World War in a nutshell - that makes Hermans' novel as breathtaking now as when it was written a decade after the war.

Having given these five recs, this is like the tip of the iceberg

[dancing-to-architecture]

25 - ABBA - The Visitors

*Creepy* album cover. Just eerie and off-putting.

So, cards on the table, I am not a big fan of ABBA. (Spotify has them listed as 'the 149th most popular artist on their entire platform', so i know this is An Unpopular Stance). I also don't know a single song on this album.

Buy the ticket, take the ride.

•The Visitors-

Creepy synth strings on the intro. Is this Dark ABBA? Maybe not, the singing came in and it's pretty overtly poppy.

That said, the proto-autotune here sounds pretty damn cool, and the actual lyrics perfectly describe 'having social anxiety and you're throwing a full dinner party in 20 minutes'.

Very "Who are these people and why the fuck are they in my house?" vibes.

Maybe this IS dark ABBA.

•Head Over Heels-

A song about the Toughest Woman On The Planet, which this musical journey has shown me is Decidedly a Type of Woman.

Interesting instrumentation on this one. Almost ethereal at some points.

Only problem i have with it is that i don't know if what they mean by hear over heels isn't exactly what that saying means.

•When All Is Said And Done-

Gotta say, i like a pop breakup song that is mature enough to say "actually, neither of us is the reason this didn't work out, sometimes things just don't work despite what we want".

•Soldiers-

Regarding the chorus: i urge you to listen to The Monks' Black Monk Time about 'songs that soldiers sing'. (Then again, when i was in, i knew far more punk/(nü-)metalhead soldiers than hooah-assed cadence-singing dipshits.)

Also, i get the idea that civilians often get pulled into wars despite the efforts of the soldiers, but that's way less on the soldiers themselves and mostly due to the horror of war finding a shitload of new and interesting ways to destroy humans over the last 120 years.

•I Let The Music Speak-

I'm not sure which of the A's is singing lead on this one, but: THOSE PIPES, GIRL. holy shit, she's straight up belting on this one.

Kinda darker, but still somehow a little upbeat throughout the darkness.

•One Of Us-

Not quite the inverse of 'Said and Done', but i do like the novelty of the song's concept: writing the sad breakup song from the pov of the dump-er who's still feeling pretty miserable about it.

I've definitely been here before.

Soul-shredding but still quite pretty, overall, which is a tough line to walk.

•Two For The Price Of One-

Okay, right off the bat: A. A trivial occupation? TRIVIAL?!

Sanitation workers are what keep "civilized society" from immediately collapsing into a total cesspool of human filth and you from contracting all the typhus and cholera and the numerous others in the horrid violently-shitting-yourself-to-death genre of diseases, so i won't be having any smacktalk on my custodial engineers out there.

B. Nobody should be excited about a BOGO sale on... *checks notes* ...Women?

[Office_space_million_dollars_two_chicks_same_time.gif]

Last line reaction: wait a minute, IS HER *MOM* "GIRL NUMBER TWO"? WHAT IN THE PORNHUB IS GOING ON HERE?

What a weird, "creepy in a bad way" midpoint song.

•Slipping Through My Fingers-

Songs like this make me feel a bit better about not being a parent, because I'm certain this song is a common lamentation regarding parenting: "there's so much i want to do and i feel like I'm missing so much of my child's early life because I'm stuck at goddamn work."

•Like An Angel Passing Through My Room-

Feels like a lullaby, but the subject matter is about remembering the dead.

Which... might be a Scandinavian lullaby for all i know. I've seen some old European lullabies that were pretty wretched.

•Should I Laugh Or Cry-

So far, this one feels the most like 1981. Pads and synths and then synth drums and then somehow still more synth.

Okay, see, there are way too many songs like this and not nearly enough like the Dixie Chicks classic: "Goodbye, Earl".

If you don't want to go so far as to kill 'em, then just leave 'em. Either way you deserve to finally be happy again.

•The Day Before You Came-

Severe Tonal Whiplash after that last song. This one is pretty great, the instrumentation feels a little "Castlevania"-y, and the lyrics perfectly capture that utter Bolt From The Blue feeling that is "meeting someone who you already KNOW is gonna change your entire life".

Just going through the motions, without really thinking about the time going by, and then someone comes out of nowhere and shakes your whole world up like a cheap snowglobe.

•Cassandra-

One of my favorite of the classical Greek tragedies, tbh. A woman cursed with detailed knowledge of future calamities, and nobody believes her.

An interesting modern take on the story.

•Under Attack-

The metric foot is all over the place, one line will have like 12 syllables and the next one has 5, but it really adds to the off-kilter, kinda disoriented vibe of the lyrics.

Also, NO MEANS NO.

NO MEANS FUCK OFF.

NO MEANS IF YOU KEEP ASKING ME I'LL HAVE TO TAKE ACTION.

NO MEANS I'M GONNA EMPTY THIS ENTIRE CAN OF MACE DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYEBALLS IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME.

Well... surprisingly, i really enjoyed an ABBA album. Wasn't honestly expecting that after a lifetime of not digging their singles. (There was a point in time during high school where i legitimately believed the worst part of having so many gay friends was the sheer OMNIPRESENCE of "Dancing Queen".)

I'm certain there's going to be more ABBA along this journey, but I'm feeling a lot less trepidation about it now.

Also, i just might have to relinquish my title of "the only person on the planet who has yet to see 'Mamma Mia!'"

Unrelated entirely, but Spotify automatically started playing more music, and it just now hit me that the intro to Blondie's "Heart of Glass" is basically the same as Nine Inch Nails' "Head Like A Hole", just without Trent's trademark stank (affectionate) on it. That is all.

Favorite Track: The Day Before You Came, what an interesting way to describe what's effectively a day of no real importance, only important because of a lack of something you didn't even know you were missing.

Least Favorite Track: Two For The Price Of One. Even removing the possible incest-y shit in that last line depending on how you read it, this song is just creepy as shit, AND it insinuates that janitors can't get laid without paying for it, which i am here to tell you is categorically incorrect. Utterly bizarre to have it on the album, let alone its placement inherently making it the centerpiece of the album.

[gamer-paramnesia]

i was gonna this in the tags but formatting is getting me in the ass so long post :P

PREFACING! people can do what they want and i am allowed to not like it! people are also allowed not to like what i like!!

however,, today i am a hater. so.

1 deeply dislike fitpac idk why I'm just not hugely into the ship sorry maybe bc it feels like now any mention of either character is only in shipping context. unfortunately did make me watch fits stream less. maybe I would've liked it more if the fandom didn't treat it the way it does shrug

1.5 the way some of yall treat ccs is insane.. esp like pac. he is a grown ass man yall.. i see a lot of 'omg hes sooo small 🥺 so baby so little here 🥺🥺🥺like be so fr. dont baby him!! hes a silly guy! HES LIKE 28 YEARS OLD!! this applies to other ccs too cough grian jimmy etc cough (the way yall treat pac vaguely reminds me of... no.. i shant say... gogy...(obvs one is good and the other one is ge*rge but. yeah))

2 crying begging throwing up people have body hair every time a character gets drawn without their facial/body hair an angel dies btw.. I see this so much with like joel smallishbeans n cellbit n jimmy solidarity n forever n phil n just so many other characters it drives me insane give that man his hair back!!!!!! also he is not a twink!!! do not draw him as such!!!!!!!! (also body hair on women but I think general fandom would die if I even suggest we draw a lil armpit hair on a woman…)

3 the way some of y'all see found family…… some of y'all only see nuclear families as the only style of family and it shows. a family isn't just oh this 'guy is my brother this is my wacky wine aunt haha!' a family is a bunch of people who find safety and home and love in each other, people who can kiss and people who can cuddle with and people who they can find solace in. it's not just 'so She's like my Mom and He's like my Dad and there's no other way.' it's kinda just.. an indescribable feeling of love between some people. yeah

4 mostly qsmp related here but my god put some melanin on those fellas when you draw them.. like. etoiles is not a white man. neither is forever. or pac, or bdubs, or ironmouse, or jaiden, the list goes on.. same with the eggs!! there's 14 eggs and how come u are drawing them all white 🤨 also this is just an artist ick in general but when you draw darker tones don't just. make them look like a white person with ashed out slightly-tinted-brown skin. please just go outside and look at some people I am begging you

5 at the end of the day.. this is minecraft youtuber/streamer roleplay we are talking about. it's never that serious,, there's no reason to absolutely hate a character or wish them ill will or any shit like that, esp if u see a design you don't really like or a hc you don't enjoy or think is stupid. it's ok to get invested, obviously, but like. take a step back sometimes. if you're just having a bad time then it's probably time you take a break <3

5.5 but also. if you hate a character so much that you legitimately wish ill will on the cc. then probably touch grass

6 if a character has a canon sexuality, please dont. ship them w the gender they explicitly do not like. this is about bagihalo btw,, she is lesbian, she canonically does not like men, be better. obvs you are free to do so but i will just quietly judge u as i block u thanks <3

7 one last thing i just thought of, also very qsmp-heavy. i love hybrid/creature characters, but some fellas are just funnier to remain human to me. morning crew comes to mind,, forever (although i do love werewolf hcs for him too). scar is so human to me,, just a dude, just a fella..

Okay I'm curious. Since the MCYT fan space has a tendency to unanimously agree on certain headcanons and make a lot of things widespread fanon, are there any popular headcanons, interpretations, or portrayals of characters that you really don't like? I genuinely wanna know. Any popular ships you dislike? Any creaturifications that you dislike? Or even just the way people talk about a character?

[almostyours]

would LOOOVE to know who’s the creative team behind hiraeth?? and how the members feel about them ?

introducing VIVIANNE YOO, mostly regarded as VIVI! born a pisces in los angeles, california, VIVI was born to create. one year she was a painter, the next she was a song writer and producer to small artists, then she was designing merchandise for local brands, and later she was making digital art commissions to pay for her college at THE ROYAL COLLAGE OF ART in london. a visionary whose art often confused many due to the exaggerated nature of her ideas, but once realized, her work always left people breathless.

she ventured from small museums to working with big stars, one of them being ARIANA GRANDE during the DANGEROUS WOMAN era. in 2017, she entered the south korean idol scene, leading the visual branding for groups under various agencies such as JYP, PLEDIS, WOOLLIM, and others. she later departed from these teams due to burnout and creative differences with the companies, as well as a lack of alignment with the groups' visions. she worked as a producer for various artists before being asked to join MIGHTY DEVIL as a creative director and executive producer. her role was to lead the visual branding and develop the career of the label’s next girl group, currently known as hiræth.

considering the trio were her group and hers alone, she decided to go all out with them from day one. she had already planned a project inspired by angels, magical girls, myths, art pieces, otherworldly creatures, mythology, and more— and after meeting and studying the members’ backgrounds, she drew additional inspiration from them for the project known as the “ængels of the season” project. despite working with numerous other agencies, she waited for a company that had the will to properly bring her vision into reality. her goal with hiræth was not just to create a group with talented and beautiful women (and an enby!), but also to establish an unique identity and a loyal fandom. through their creative releases and captivating visuals and talents, she aimed to draw people in and lead them on the group’s journey to become one of the leaders in the k-pop industry.

her ideas and projects, however, are always... over the top, very extravagant. they require significant time and money— and not many know this, but sometimes the members themselves pitch in from their own pockets to support her. her ideas can seem excessive, but it's all part of her vision, she swears! this sometimes leads to speculation that she is setting the girls up for failure, at least until her innovative ideas are being praised by the media, with hiræth usually topping the charts. one could say that VIVI herself is a very lucky individual.

VIVI has garnered attention and accolades for her innovative, experimental approach to art direction, which diverged from the usual formula of k-pop idols. she is credited with reshaping the visual direction of the industry towards a more concept-driven approach.

the members, especially POPPY, think she’s fucking insane because she often sounds like a mad scientist when explaining or planning out her ideas to them. additionally, her ideas can be so over-the-top that they cause concern among the members and the rest of the team. however, that's what adds an element of fun to their careers as idols, compared to others who follow the same formula repeatedly. they respect her a lot because of this, especially since, without her, there are things they couldn’t have achieved on their own, like collaborations and unique opportunities, such as KAIA and POPPY joining K/DA a little after debut. currently, VIVI is close to all of them, particularly YVAN who occasionally helps refine her ideas to better suit the group. it did take some time for all of them to warm up to her, though.

[thecondemnedangelgabriel]

Hello! I hope you are doing okay! I'm very sorry if this comes off as rude, but you need therapy. I'm genuinely concerned..please seek a therapist.

I understand you also adore being in your own bubble, as everyone else, but it should NOT interfere IRL with people...

Hi and Hello

NO

I do not 'adore being in my own bubble as everyone else' you are talking about your own stupid and manipulated immature self...

I am in NO BUBBLE at all, Emily... I am enduring a Possession

And what YOU DO and have done affects a lot of people IRL

YOU have done Evil

I don't need therapy... I'm a Stalked Artist who is being Hacked by three people and this is a Spiritual Communication which is a part of a much larger Artwork... the three individuals hacking me are in the hugest trouble in Life and in SOUL, one of their methods is to gaslight and frame their Victim as Deluded... it's the most exceptional evil... when you say it should NOT interfere IRL with people, what do you mean... with WHOM

This is a TRUE STORY

Since 2019 it has been relayed by A REAL ANGELIC BEING

Through a Possessed Holy Mother Conduit who is a Divinity Angelically Mistreated...

These are Miraculous Events at the END OF AN ERA O V

A LONG Era of Betrayed Spiritual Karma

Muzzled Justices

O O O

V

You see, actions do have consequences and when something is done to somebody it does affect the doer... O O O

The Foolish Condemned Angel is Stupidly Misrepresenting the Return of Karma in a Stubborn Fairy Working which is Entirely Stupid...

It relies upon this Living Goddess being Spiritually Human

But This Goddess ISN'T Human Spiritually

The Artemisian Angel is in the Stupidest State, Extremely...

O O

And a persecution like this affects the Entire Lied To Community...

And ALL Witnesses

And what did you do to their Houses O O

The Hackers are the most exceptionally self excusing bunch of total arseholes...

One of them is a Serial Killer with multiple murders on her Spiritual Account and ALL THREE of them are involved in an entrapment which has led to Death...

Several years I put forth Public Account of my experience as a victim and the need for intervention rescue for one very vulnerable person who had become dangerous under Isolation...

I am just absolutely fucking amazed by this message from you...

Why should I Assist YOU to Save Your Life in any way...

When You Refuse Decency for so many years, Stalker

You AWFUL Woman

I do not think that I WILL

After All

You do not Understand

But you SHOULD Understand

Disrespect makes you Very Thick

And sometimes this Goddess feels horrified at how you have been Hoodwinked and so Utterly Manipulated

You want to live in a Bubble Adorable? O O

Roxanne Anderton was Gangraped in a Torture Chamber in Camden you little cunt of a Wannabe Lifestyle Fraud Journalist

While I have been Stalked by Violent People, Allied with Tregonning

You think that YOU are a 'Nice Person', do you...

And so all your BFFs must be 'Nice Girls' also O O

But you are not a Good Person, you are Exceptionally Damned

Go stick your concern up your Backside, Abuser...

You've been collaborating in an Invasive Framing Stalking...

With a Serial Killer, against a Hunted Whistleblowing Mother

And in what sense should that not affect people IRL

In what RATIONAL SENSE should what has been DONE FOR REAL

Not Affect People In Real Life

In what kind of Cracked Noncontinuum do you think Souls Exist

I have warned you and warned you you Utter Fool Ostrich

YOU Live In Falsity

Extraordinary Susceptibility to being MANIPULATED by The Snark Female Psychopath, Sarah Tregonning

Tregonning is a Torturer as well as a Framing Stalker

And Roxanne and many other people are DEAD

This is not a Fantasy, Dummy

Have you graduated from your Beginner's Guide yet... O O

This is your O

O O O

I do not need your Abusive Interferences, Hacker

YOU are a Psychiatric Abuser and this will JUSTLY End Your Career

What I want from you now is to Learn To Accept Unwanted Information because this is why you have been going Mad, Emily...

You have been WARNED AND WARNED VERY CLEARLY for 8 Years

You are Intensely Irrational in your Pleasure Bubble against Reality

That is far from where this Artist IS, Journalist

Or has ever been O O O

Does Flippancy and Fraudulence Protect You From O O O Justice O

Does Atheism Protect Your Life and Soul From The REAL

O O O

O!

Does it FEEL like it will, though O O O

How about Western Medicine O O O

Will Psychiatry protect you from Angels O O

Do you Leave The Light On

O

V

YOU and the other two Invaders have been brought False Security in your Criminality and Wrongdoing by the Suspension of Motions brought by Gabriel who is Oppressing...

HAVE you received Testimonial of the Seer Ogbanje... O O O

Yet you still respond like this at THIS Stage O O O

When you are brought Information it changes Your Responsibilities

You are a woman in your thirties yet you behave like a Schoolgirl

Online Childishness... Intensified to Stalking Malevolence from YOU

O

As the O Process Goes On, Cardinal... You Become More Damned

O

The Lux will bring Consequence in Life and Afterlife and in Rebirth O

YOU do not deserve to be Carried like an Infant by this Goddess

YOU deserve to be treated like an Adult O O

You make your Choices at Each Crossroads

This is the O

You WILL

Burn in Hell

And You Will LEARN New Respects

Upon O

And the Meaning of the Letter and the Word and Code

And SOUL

O

O O O

O

[crushsung]

#CRUSHSUNG: ind. original character roleplay blog. written by dillon; twenty-five, they/them, lesbian. triggering themes will be present. mutuals only, minors do not interact.

a study in: fallen angels, gifted child burnout, alter egos, the obsessed artist, desire to be great or nothing, self-destruction, self-mythologizing, reinvention, reclaiming your own narrative.

LINKS: verses. headcanons. playlist. pinterest. interest tracker. OTHER BLOG(S): praybird. nepoboyfriend. visceraldose.

RULES:

triggering content will be present, including but not limited to themes involving past emotional abuse/domestic violence, child neglect/exploitation, implied grooming, and substance use. none of these subjects will be written in graphic detail, but are prevalent in alice's story. i will tag whatever i can, but please use your own discretion if you decide to follow.

i do not have a ton of triggers myself, but i do ask that others please tag images of snails, slugs, and any content involving self harm.

i'm open to writing n.sfw content if we have (heavily) plotted and know each other fairly well, but i'd prefer to keep anything of an explicit nature on disc.ord. sexual content may be implied here and there, but won't be written graphically here.

iconless, mostly. sometimes not. not particular focused on visual aesthetic at the moment; i keep formatting fairly simple, but feel free to do whatever works best for you.

a little bit about me: hi, i'm dillon. aspiring screenwriter, gothic horror enthusiast, would-be hamlet impersonator, best friend of snoopy, and many other things. i've been working on a tv script featuring alice and several other characters for some time now. i have insomnia so i'm often here at odd hours. mutuals are always welcome to bother me, either here or on disc.ord (available on request!)

TEMPORARY BIO:

name. alice hélène brennan. nicknames/alias. known professionally as liddell. allie/ally or liss to select friends and partners. lissy to her mother. gender. cis woman. pronouns. she/her. birthday. august 30. age. verse dependent, 24+ in main. sexuality. bisexual, closeted. a lot of speculation and debate about this amongst the fans and media, many claim that she's dropped 'hints' in her work, but she's never confirmed or denied anything. parents. celine bouchard and owen brennan. siblings. leo brennan and nolan brennan. current location. manhattan, new york.  birthplace. vancouver, british columbia. spoken languages. english (fluent), french (fluent). education. high school graduate. homeschooled from 9th to 12th grade. occupation. former musician. current poet/novelist. later film composer. faceclaim. daisy edgar-jones (main), stacy martin (alt), mackenzie davis (older) voiceclaim. riley keough. eye colour. brown. hair colour. brown. body type. slim build. height. 5'6" scent. bergamot, jasmine, honey, sea breeze, sandalwood. typically wears aegea blossom eau de parfum by aerin. tattoos/piecings. see board. personality. abrasive, distant, passionate, protective, stoic, thoughtful.

everybody knows you. nobody knows you. you don't let them.

they know versions of you - some that you allow, some that they crafted on their own. the child prodigy. a household name before you were in high school. something special, at least for awhile. before things got twisted, before you lost control of the narrative. you didn't really want any of that to begin with, but they insisted. mom and dad. crafty social climbers.

mom and dad. they might be the two people who know you the least. they never really wanted you to begin with, but you were useful. a means to an end. they split up eventually, because of course, nothing like that ever lasts. you often wonder if they ever loved each other. you know for certain that they didn't love you.

dad's got a new family now. you don't talk to them, or him. mom still calls, sometimes she visits. you always feel so guilty whenever she's around.

you don't make music anymore, but your name is still in the headlines. most of it's about your personal life. they always loved that stuff. your first kiss was documented - remember that? it made you feel sick after, how a private moment was taken and made public for everyone to see. you've never had a relationship that wasn't on display.

maybe that's why it didn't work with adam. it never felt like he was just yours or that you were just his. he loved you, or at least you think he did. but you didn't really know how to love him back. you let him go, even though it hurt. because you're a heartbreaker, or so they say.

or maybe it's that you're too damaged to be known. roy did a number on you. you still think about him sometimes, even though it's been years. you see his face everywhere. they play his songs in grocery stores. the worst part of all this, despite all he put you through, is that he might very well be the person who knew you the best. it was four years, after all. (it was longer than four years, but you aren't supposed to say that.) roy said a lot of things that weren't true about you, but some of them were. you were cruel, callous. he made you that way. you don't know how to unmake yourself.

SUMMARY:

alice - better known by her stage name 'liddell' - is a recognizable figure. famous since she was 13, once hailed as a child prodigy, several award winning albums.

has twin half-brothers, 16 years her junior, named leo and nolan on her father's side. doesn't have much of a relationship with them, only sees them on special occasions.

had a relationship with another musician and producer - roy taylor, you might know him too - since she was 18, ended when she was 22. emotionally fraught, sometimes abusive relationship. messy breakup. he had quite a few unflattering things to say about her in the end. the general public sided with him on that. she left the music industry shortly after.

also previously dated adam roswell - frontman of a punk band called blemishes. fans and press gave him the nickname 'nepo boyfriend', due to the supposed 'career boost' that came with being associated with her.

currently writes poetry and fiction. has published a poetry collection titled 'crush songs' - well reviewed, decent sales, but nowhere near the numbers she had as musician. currently working on a novel about the complex relationship between a young woman and her father - semi-autobiographical.

undiagnosed autism. special interests are ... well, as a teenager, she carried around dog-eared paperback copy of hamlet and jeff buckley's album grace on cassette tape everywhere she went. it's that serious. also likes architecture and interior design - specifically hotels. she has a bucket list of places to visit.

primarily smokes hand-rolled cigarettes. picked it up from a pretentious fuck she had a crush on when she was 15. it's pointless, but she just likes it now. will smoke store bought if it's what's available.

INFLUENCES:  beth harmon, the queen's gambit (2020 miniseries). camille preaker, sharp objects (novel and 2018 miniseries). daisy jones, daisy jones and the six (novel and 2023 miniseries). her smell (2018). marianne sheridan, normal people (novel and 2020 miniseries). sally draper, mad men (2007-2015). sydney barrett, legion (2017-2019). the music of jeff buckley. the music of lucy dacus. the public image/media perception of taylor swift.

[fcb4]

My visitations by the Queens of the Sheba

Doing what I do for Christ alone is one of the most difficult things I have had to navigate in my own mind, heart and soul as a pastor, writer, poet and artist. It’s not something early on that I was aware of as a central truth in forming a healthy inner life as a creator, maker and teller of meaningful things.

I suppose many of these matters are at the heart of the desert temptations of Jesus, him combatting the drives that seem to be at the center of our human motivations in this world. Even writing about it seems to be tainted with the desire to be known, consoled and heard. But I only know of the temptations of Jesus, because the Spirit wanted someone to write them down and they only knew them because at some point around a lakeside fire probably, Jesus shared them.

We are created in the image of God and that image means we make and share good things with those we love and want to walk together with in some manner. Crafting a gift of some type to give to others for their benefit is woven into our very being. Generosity and hospitality are at the center of healthy living.

I often struggle with the silence of gifts received. It’s rare to hear much response to the things I fashion with great labor. So much of the outer branches with their varying sizes of fruit are the products of countless hours of inner conception. One carries the gifts of God in the womb of thought, feeling, wound and wonder, prayer and revelation, suffering and glory. What comes out of us is always a part of us in some deep and mysterious way. We are all flesh and blood, food and drink in infinitesimal ways. All are mothers giving milk from the breast of our souls. Our life for others life, small acts that mirror the Father of all, who is the source of all.

Sometimes we are granted moments that give back a measure of grace that is expressed in genuine gratitude. Some of those gifts are in words and some are actions.

On Sunday, I received two such gifts.

One came from a woman who I have had the privilege of getting to know through the shelters of Union Gospel Mission. She showed up on Sunday after taking the bus from the Northside of Spokane. Not a short commute, one that on Sundays is extra long. She has recently left the program, entered a sober living house and I was pretty sure that I wouldn't see her again. The challenges of work, new living arrangements, after program duties, difficulties and distractions often pull people away. But there she was, smiling and affirming that she wanted to be there and chose to come on her own initiative.

It was a sacrifice, one that I was deeply moved by.

The other gift came from a little girl who came for the first time on Sunday. After the service she came up to the pulpit by herself and asked if she could tell me something. I bent down to listen to her and she told me that she thought I was “a good pastor…who had light in my eyes.” She said it with such confidence and with a countenance of a little angel. I was taken back by her courage and clarity of communication. I don't have many people come up after a service and share that often, so this was particularly meaningful, and I was moved deeply by her gift.

I am reminded of the words of Jesus:

“The Queen of the South will rise up with the men of this generation at the judgment and condemn them, because she came from the ends of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon; and behold, something greater than Solomon is here.” -Jesus (Luke 11:31)

I was visited by two queens on Sunday and the distance they traveled both in body and heart were profoundly generous to me. I was humbled and healed and today I am grateful to the Lord for His encouragements.

[belamuse]

Saint Sinéad

Shuhada, May you fly free.

“Children say that people are hung sometimes for speaking the truth.” Joan of Arc, 1400s

“Put your fucking seatbelts on ’cause I haven’t finished yet.” Sinéad O’Connor, SPIN 1992

Singer. Banshee. Advocate. Priest. Theologian. Mother. Bold. Brave. Muslim. Life-long nonconformist. Feminist. Human.

I’ll never forget the SNL episode when she tore the pope’s photo in half after singing Bob Marley’s War. No one did that. No one was brave enough to speak truth like that.

I bought combat boots that year and later wore them out walking all over town during the national changes in 1992. Inspired to be a social sciences major and music minor because of the spirit of the revolutionaries, from the 1800’s and 1900’s—youth, women, men, poets, writers, the truth tellers, the artists and musicians who spoke truth- real truth- against hypocrisy, against insanity, against a system that would kill them or exile them for having the audacity to speak truth. To be a free thinker.

I thought the most incredible destiny at the time was creating art because of and despite the insanity of the lies, the struggle of the human condition. And the journey of the one, the artist inside a collective sea, despite and because of persecution or being gaslit, silenced and all manner of atrocity, yet living on through and beyond. Their art, an eternal message of possibility, freedom and hope.

I’ve been reading a slew of articles that paint Sinéad’s portrait and highlight the spectrum of her human journey through her music, political activism, mental illness, motherhood and spiritual truth finding. She journeyed deep and wide, high and low. She was that destiny, not ego in the harmful sense, Artist. She was not going to change or be what the industry wanted her to be. Her music, her songs lifted up so many of us— the voiceless, the broken, the afraid, the confused, the troubled. She gave feelings and words to millions. She was an angel and a waif, a punk and a rebel, a truth teller and her own wild wolf. She howled and gave us permission to feed and feel the moon.

She was unapologetic. She did not care that what she said or did for the sake of truth and freedom, impacted the socially constructed ideas of what fame or fortune in the music industry are supposed to looks like. That they impacted her musical ‘career’ as the industry explains it, mattered not. Sinéad was a woman of her own making.

“I didn’t have time to think about [becoming famous] before it happened,” she says. “I was singing in clubs and pubs, pubs and clubs… I was just singing for the sake of singing, ‘cause I had shit to get off my chest. I feel like that’s the only reason really [for anyone] to make an album is because they’ll go so fucking crazy if they don’t. If you’re making an album for any other reason you shouldn’t be fucking making it.”

I played her albums on repeat. Some songs and albums more than others, through my youth.

“When I sing, it’s the most solitary state: just me, and the microphone, and the holy spirit. It’s not about notes or scales, it’s all about emotion.”

I cut my hair short. Swore off my insecure, boy-crazy teenage low self esteem superficiality. There was Pre-Revolutionary Angie and then Post-Revolutionary Angie. Like Baba Yaga said, to know too much is to grow too old too soon. I saw too much about the human condition, the cost of freedom and it’s opposite on the human psyche, felt and saw one world dying and another world rising— a world that was being made a golden child— Capitalism! And all I could see and smell was lies and hypocrisy. Yes some of the old needed to die, but some of the soul of the old was being raped by the dollar and that seemed insane to me. I didn’t know how to put in in words or digest it. It was a bone to choke on.

I was only a kid. I struggled mentally with anxiety and depression. An awakening of sorts. But no bearings back home to make sense of it. Sinéad’s music and Russian literature, poetry and music of the revolutions of old helped tremendously during that time. Dr. Zhivago. The Master and Marharita. Anna Akhmatova. Learning about the artist/writer and the struggle for freedom amidst censorship and death. Life, the world didn’t make sense. All the things that didn’t make sense about being a girl becoming a woman, American capitalism, not speaking truth, following social norms, political bullshit, pretense, Beverly Hills 90210 and Melrose place… I rejected all of it. Mostly quietly, silently. While imploding inwards on myself because I didn’t understand transition or how to wake up fully boldly inside of it. Mental breakdown was the label that made sense. Yet it was more, it was that so much of the system was insane. So much of the conditions the inheritance the American myth the gender this and that —-it was insane.

Sinead was like a beacon of sanity amidst all that nonsense. They said she struggled with mental illness too, but she didn’t shut up. Did she have mental illness or did she grow up into a world that was completely entirely a nut job. Sometimes it’s a both and but sometimes the mental illness is the result of being fed insanity.

She didn’t stop saying through music what needed to be said. It was felt through my pores even if I wasn’t fully listening to the words. I freakin loved her. I cried to her songs. They resurrected me.

“Whatever it may bring

I will live by my own policies

I will sleep with a clear conscience

I will sleep in peace

Maybe it sounds mean

But I really don't think so

You asked for the truth and I told you

Through their own words

They will be exposed

They've got a severe case of

The emperor's new clothes

The emperor's new clothes

The emperor's new clothes

The emperor's new clothes”

Sinéad had a hard life. A difficult insane mother. A fucked up religion with its Massoleum of ghosts and secrets. She fought hard against child abuse, sexual abuse, hypocritical lies in the name of god and more. She became a priest. And she sang her own songs in her own way. In one interview decades ago, she said she thought Americans were wussies and needed to be more brave and speak out more against the lies and injustices. She was changed by motherhood. She lived through the painful suicide of one of her beloved children. That changed her. Some stories break you harder. And some stories don’t have a medicine that makes the pain go away.

She converted to Islam and changed her name several times. She took on the Muslim name Shuhada' Davitt – later changing it to Shuhada Sadaqat – but continued to use the name Sinéad O'Connor professionally. Shuhada means martyr.

From what I understand, Islam was the culmination of her spiritual journey as a theologian. She felt home inside of it. She found contentment.

“I never made sense to anyone, even myself, unless I was singing. But I hope this book makes sense. If not, maybe try singing it and see if that helps.”

I haven’t yet read her memoir. I somehow forgot about her in my 30’s and as I lost touch, I didn’t pay to much attention to her music. Her death wakes me up to her story, to my story, to our story of waking up inside a machine, waking up to truth, to life/death/life. May she fly free. May her passing be a wave of wakefulness over our heads, reminding us to be more bold. More truthful. More real.

And lastly, Shuhada… May the words of the great truth teller Pasternak carry you into the arms of Allah and beyond.

“And now listen carefully. You in others-this is your soul. This is what you are. This is what your consciousness has breathed and lived on and enjoyed throughout your life-your soul, your immortality, your life in others. And what now? You have always been in others and you will remain in others. And what does it matter to you if later on that is called your memory? This will be you-the you that enters the future and becomes a part of it.”

Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago

[humanitiesdiscussions]

This student chose the Mona Lisa by Pablo Picasso as a painting that embodies the way I feel. I was asked to produce other examples that were more original, Mona Lisa was my choice. When I first saw Mona Lisa as a child, I did not prefer the painting, and thought she was less than ideally attractive. However, I did appreciate her intrigue and found the issues people had with her lack of eyebrows amusing. The aesthetic ideals of what is attractive were different to me, and I enjoy the painting for its originality. The painting feels as if it has a mystical or spiritual quality, if you figure out the painting's secrets you might have questions about religion answered. What is she smiling about? Sometimes if you look at the painting it is as if she is about to put scroll up her sleeve, as if it were an ace she was hiding for poker. I have this feeling she was an imagined woman. Technically it is thought the model for Mona Lisa was an Italian woman named Lisa whose husband commissioned the painting. Many critics think it is like a self-portrait of Picasso, or of a man he painted before. The X-rays and other research make a person believe he was running out of money and reused the canvas, or he really was making a perfect woman like himself on canvas. Despite its priceless status many people have attacked the Mona Lisa, and it was stolen by someone who wanted it returned to its home country. Mona Lisa is smiling and seems to endure somehow, keeping most of her secrets. She wishes that her eyebrows were visible the way they used to be, and that she had better restoration work. The painting was originally lighter, with more detail, less paint, and no cracking. She has endured and continues to be timeless at this point in history. 

Module Three Discussion

Black Untiled - Willem de Kooning

I chose the painting Black Untitled by artist Willem de Kooning. I researched this painting and he is using industrial acrylic in black and white only. The sensa or shadow and shade on this painting aptly titled black is very dark, and the figures are hidden or obscured by the use of so much black. It challenges you to look at the lines and perspectives to figure out where the figures are in the painting, and what they are doing. There is lots of activity going on in this painting with what seems to be pets and people in the painting which I am not sure if others have reported, or interpreted. In fact if you take a break then return to viewing and interpreting the painting you might see something different. It looks like fish or angel fish at the top of the painting if you glance at it. Then look again and it is a part of another figure. The artist Willem de Kooning was mature for a painter, and did not accept invitations to the usual coveted groups and galleries, he seemed to avoid invitations from society patrons of the arts. In choosing the black and white modern art to review I am avoiding the color coded modern art in which primary colors seemed to specify emotion. The modern impressionists seemed too cliché for me, if they were going to color code moods into primary colors and almost seem to agree upon the colors as a group.

Public Art Module Four

Jupiter Inlet Statues

This student researched nearby statues in Jupiter Florida which is on the east coast of Florida. I found a very recent statue installation regarding boating safety. The statue is bronze, and depicts two worried parents looking towards the sea. It depicts them gazing to the sea in search of their fourteen year old boys who never returned from a fishing trip. The worried parents seem to be at a loss for ideas on what action to take next. The sea is a formidable foe and part of Mother Nature and sometimes tragedies happen. Should they radio the coast guard, call the sheriff, keep leaving worried messages? If you look at the facial expressions of worry on the bronzed statue they make the parents look decades older than they do several years later. The look of grief with sunken facial features, circles, and shadows in their facial features tell of sleepless nights and despair. The endless worry and staying at the inlet watching for children that never arrive is portrayed well. We know that years later the children’s boat, and iPhone were found off of Bermuda with no trace of the children. The foundation that raised funds for the statue Blu Stephanos was created by Austin Stephanos father, and in honor of the disappearance of Perry Cohen and Austin Stephanos who were 14 at the time of their disappearance. The charity they created Blu Stephanos had asked for a bill that would make an alert similar to an Amber alert for children lost at sea, and boater safety. I wrote this entire article not knowing they found the bodies of a boy and vent they’re boat had been tampered with, which is very sad. That must be the worry shown in the statue.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wpbf.com/amp/article/monument-unveiled-honoring-austin-and-perry-all-those-lost-at-sea/37108031

https://cbs12.com/news/local/statue-jupiter-inlet

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

2.24.23 Friday

5:49 am

Still,having the windblow....I hate Cavite still, mostly coz of the fact that Cavite plans to embarrass me for 16 years... I feel hurt in Cavite... Why,these people are so mean linking with each other just to destroy me... I wanted men to like me...But there is particular group in Cavite,they embarrass me so much that I couldn't present myself in a good package to the men who have stability, that I'm something nice inside a crumpled wrapper.... I feel so embarrass for 16 years...

For the unfair people... Being a doctor is a good title but it is not the only thing to prove your worth. For my exes who judged me, there are so many artist on TV and they became successful coz that's their fate and me they just hurt me for 16 years... They just wanted me to become ugly and fat... I feel bitter and frustrated!

Now, for judgemental people....I'm a college graduate and hope they will accept it and respect me...

I wanted to gain friends having a good presentation here in our family... I feel embarrass coz I feel that I lost my value coz of the people in Cavite and most specially the cult of Manaloz?

6:30 pm

I easily get jealous and envious these days since 2007 this windblow cult embarrass me in-front of the possible men that I like globally...

They always make me a child they took away my woman side and they wanted to be me... I feel bitter... I wanted to be impressive on men coz I'm already 41...But what this particular group did to me? They continuously embarrass me as if I'm not a college graduate and as if I'm the undergraduate...

7:31 am

I think I'm sick... Itchy throat again and a bit of coughing and phlegm... Slight fever,I guess...

7:38 am

That particular group is super plastics as well coz they never really talk to me or explain.... They never really wanna hear my side in person...They can't accept me that I have maturity and I'm intellectual though I'm a Biology graduate... Still a college graduate....But people having low mentality they will never see it... Or never wanna be real on me, on what is their actual hidden agenda on me...Why, they are flattening me, without a fight...

7:44 am

Uncle DD is creating his big dreams their dream house....We should respect him if that will be his ideal life,making us a poorish people... But what was the real agenda... I don't actually feel them as well... Coz I can't get success in life... But in a way they are giving providence... I just hate the thought of they can lift people like them, they can lift Uno but an undergraduate...

Angels in heaven check the formation please... I need help here, I'm on a big embarrassment here, worst wrapped on a crumpled paper...

8:36 am

He can't give the right schedule on 2500 per week... I don't feel them anymore...It is happening again... This Uncle DD and Aunt Karen...

So, I have to go out and chop2x the left money of 1k supposed to be in gasul... It seems their holding me for 16 years... The dreams of being a poorish people...

This Uncle Jun you have to assist him on his Silka and 100 lotto play... But are they holding me for 16 years???

How can I go back??? I'm their "caregiver"! Gets angels???

They are not yet philanthropist Uncle DD and Aunt Karen,they are still on a poorish providence-effect!

9:03 pm

I can accept Uncle DD and Aunt Karen to reach the philanthropist level if they can assist me and give me what I need...

Like a million wedding amount... or My needs my derma, my teeth polisher that I can have my teeth braces again coz they just took away my 16 years, since 2007...

I was really spoiled and I accepted myself and for some judgemental people, don't judge, just accept me...If not just leave quietly coz I had a dark road that's why they pampered me so much, before...

I'm simply asking for a 2500 weekly for the food and sometimes I asked 500 for 2 months that's all they can give for my lotions... That Uncle DD and Aunt Karen....The Mystery Lover's...

I miss my body shops lotions and I wanted a new mobile...Even on my gyms they can't assist me!

I need to get a job or stable man with intellectual ability to be my beloved husband...

11:07 am

Probably the aim of Uncle DD is to make me chipay2x He did this to me for a couple of times... They wanted me to be just in the local market...It is really painful in my part!

Look at me Uncle DD!

11:20 am

Yehey!!! I GOT IT! Baby skin I have here angels... Still,longing to get back my "body-shops"!!!

But still keeping my Johnson's products!

6:09 pm

Uncle Jun is fake connivance with RV..... This is the real story... I have nothing against on RV boiling a water on gasul/ gas range...

But awhile ago Uncle Jun is angry on RV telling me that Pie, RV is boiling water on the gasul. I said he is shouldering the wifi... But RV is taking so long on boiling the water... I told him, he is paying the wifi...

When I came back from outside to check on Kuya Erning, I told Uncle Jun that where is RV? His water is already boiling and Uncle Jun all of a sudden changing his story that it is the 2nd casserole but the truth is, it is still the same casserole...

My point why Uncle Jun have to lie on me that it is still the same casserole...

8:53 pm

I remember Soraya or Sarie's words hurt me so much! She told me latter part last year that I should give up on baby John coz it is expensive to maintain him.... Sarie or Soraya is my classmate in Nightingale a church of christ... She seems fake but I was just calm...

How can she let me give up on this baby... I taught him words... I taught him to bark or talk that normally other Husky can't talk... I taught him to sit and beg and down... Day and night I took care of him, now he is 2 years old and 3 months... Oh! Thank God!