#sometimes people plan which day “we all” will meet for a game or dnd or a movie right in front of me... but we all excludes me...

[kirstenly]

I don't like that I sometimes need to say it, but:

Don't make plans around someone, as if they are an important part of the plan, if you never planned to invite them or include them.

It's cruel and mean.

[okthatsgreat]

which of your ocs do you think you'd get along with irl? which do you think you absolutely would not be able to get along with, or who wouldn't like you?

GHBFSGBDFJH hiiiii whoever this is. i love u...................................................................................<3

im gonna do this list in order from MOST LIKELY to get along with to LEAST LIKELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! theyll be ranked on if i were to meet them in a relaxed environment which means NO killing game and NO dnd plot making their lives hell YAY!

sae: removed from a killing game scenario its reaaaaalllyyy hard to get her to not like you and also shes chill as fuck. she isnt my age but she'd give awesome advice and also i would definitely be texting her just to get back the most random bullshit from her brick phone. no notes here i have GOT to sit on a dock at night and talk shit with him

ryobe: so despite being the antagonist of his season outside of killing game stuff he is genuinely a very very fun person to be around!!!! also VERY easy to make laugh i think i could get along with this guy. now he is the greatest person to like idk Be Emotional to? not really but id have a great time taking him to go bowling. killing game scenario he'd be a lottttt lower

erin: you'll notice im splitting erin and pippy here because the answer is going to be very different LMFAO but erin and i would get alonggg :] she's real goofy and i need to introduce her to dnd i think she'd thrive there. also she's australian so if these people were real she'd have the best shot of being nearby. BONUS!

yoshito: he's just a nice guy :) but he's genuine about it like youre gonna notice a few of these ocs are nice but they tend to be rather surface level..... yoshito is for real a compassionate guy LMFAO. probably wouldnt share the EXACTTT same sense of humor as him and he's definitely one to pry a little into your personal business if he catches anything off about your behavior. which yknow sometimes is uncool but ultimately he's a good person so i cant imagine not liking him

naomi: heavy emphasis on this being a RELAXED scenario but i think we would be chill :) she's very awkward at first but i would think all her jokes are funny on account of being very easy to make laugh . we'd go play video games together. the dream. i do think our combined lack of ability to text people back will eventually kill us though GHFDHG

ruth: again not exactly my age and clearly busy being a mom but she's the type of woman who would have just absolutely fascinating stories to tell you at a family gathering before she slips away into oblivion again LMAO. but shes still pretty reserved and while i dont think i have any traits thats gonna make her hate my ass she also isnt gonna be super open with me so i cant see a super close relationship or anything LMAO. in my dream blunt rotation however. gotta get her on that dock with saeunn

mika: we're both average so she won't have a complex about anything, i can't imagine we'd be reaaallyyyyy close friends just because she doesnt have a very good sense of humour and she can be a bit blunt lmao. but we'd manage to get along if we were put in a group project or something

olli: MY FIRST DND OC TO MAKE IT HERE LMFAO i lovveeee making dnd/bg3 characters that would be terrible to hang out with in real life. olli is cool though id think they were funny. ill be very honest in saying that we arent gonna be lifelong pals or anything on account of how completely different our personalities are but they would be fascinating to spend a few days with. cant imagine theyd find anything about me they deem deplorable if anything they see my weak ass and vow to "shield me from thy wicked enemies" or something

billie: we'd be fine??? don't think we'd actively be making plans together on account of her being fifteen years old and really awkward

rie: we'd also get along but it's very surface level. she doesn't have much of a sense of humor unfortunately and we share very little interests!!! she's very lovely and all but there isn't much to connect over

andi: this is like. the true neutral point here because she truly is just siri

pippy: this is a character that is SUPPOSED to be really annoying to anybody that isn't an actual child and i do think i'd find that high energy difficult to keep up with lmaooo, also pippy wouldnt be making a huge effort to get to know me or anything! she's lots of fun though and definitely sweet

null: this one was hard ghfjgsdfkg. null is objectively very well-spoken, but this is often through blunt, unexpressive speech. not to mention they are very unnerving like i can not lie to you i would find them really off-putting at first. but the thing is they are up this high because i think they have longevity yknow.................. if im kind to it and give it a nice wave they will eventually mimic that wave back at me. i cant even explain it but i think we could get along. or maybe i am severely overestimating my abilities to talk to a cleric of a murder god but its whatever

sadie: okay so sadie is extremely charming. unfortunately she is extremely charming it's part of her character she is good at talking to people and i am not immune to this. i think sadie would be a lovely person to talk to a few times but hanging out with her for too long is eventually going to get me involved in some ungodly drama LMFAO. without a killing game level scenario to humble her she is going to get very annoying very quickly, and she VERYYY likely sees me as somebody easily manipulated

finnea: similar to sadie she is extremely charming, only put a knob lower due to how quick she is to disappear. would make little effort to truly get to know me and wouldn't make an effort to reveal anything about herself either, would kinda just make playful flirty comments that leave me going "oh yeah she seemed nice i guess"

nowhere: there's a bit of a jump here between finnea and nowhere i reckon because now we're getting into "i would probably dislike them initially" territory........ nowhere at the beginning of her story is like. an asshole LMFAO or at least she's just really loud and kinda abrasive and really doesn't make any effort to get to know people or help them. honestly most likely scenario is we both just say a blunt hi and then go our separate ways

elese: sigghhhhh it makes me so sad to say this it really does. but elese and i would not get along HGFKGSDJHJFKD shes dead last because i can say without a doubt we would both not like each other at first glance....... she would think she's of a much higher rank than me and i would find her very pretentious and cocky............... and if i was to be a little kind and say that this is POST character development elese we still dont have a whole ton in common unfortunately!! besides maybe music but even then she is very very classically trained... love her to death but it would not be fun meeting her in real life and that is why shes awesome <3

[alex-wolfdragon]

I swear I'm cursed when it comes to rps lol. I find some people who like the same fandoms, have similar styles in doing their turns, and agree that we should share all the love interests. Cause those boys deserve all the love!

And yet, after painstakingly planning everything, we never manage to pass the first day in the rp. Hell, lately I haven't even been able to surpass the first HOUR!!!! Why? Because life's a bitch and keeps getting in the way.

So now I'm feeling like I'm on withdrawal (joking) because all I wanna do is rp and everyone is busy.

That said, if anyone wants to save me from my misery, here's some info on my rp types and styles and other info.

• My turns are detailed. Sometimes to the point that it takes multiple messages on discord. It usually depends on how many characters I'm playing.

• They're written in 3rd person, and stylized like I'm writing a fic. Actions are italicized, and spoken words are in quotations.

• I typically make a "rp house" in Sims because it's easier to track where the characters are. Kinda like in DND. But it's not a requirement.

• The rps I do involve an OC or Persona I choose (and my partners choose for themselves) meeting and eventually romancing, essentially, a harem of sorts. It depends on the fandom.

○Edit: This basically means I like to romance all the Canon romanceable characters. Which means all the Sans and Papyrus variants for Undertale, all the turtle brothers for TMNT, and all the DCA bots (I know some people do more than just Sun and Moon, like Eclipse, Lunar, Solar, etc.) for FNAF SB.

• In regard to the harem aspect, I usually share the Canon romanceable characters with my partners. Which means my rp partner and I can both romance all the romanceable boys or just the characters we're both interested in.

• I don't do rps where the OCs/Personas already know the Canon characters and vice versa. They're always meeting for the first time. Though that doesn't mean they can't KNOW OF each other.

○Ex: Persona is aware of the variations of Sans and Paps because they played the game, but never officially met them until getting isekai'd.

• I don't mind OP OCs or Personas as long as it doesn't get in the way of the fun.

• I will NEVER accept god-modding.

• Fandoms I rp for are Undertale (variations of Papyrus and Sans being the love interests, though I don't mind including Gasters too), TMNT (the boys are aged up and clearly the love interests), and FNAF SB (DCA boys, both animatronic and not, being the love interests).

• I don't mind NSFW, but only to a point. I can talk details in DMs.

• I rp exclusively on Discord, and don't mind doing multiple at once.

• I'm used to having two or more partners in one rp, but I can work with one partner too.

• I refuse to rp a Canon character I'm not confident I can portray properly, and I hope to the stars any partners I get feel the same.

• I only rp with 18+ since I'm 22

I think that's all the important info. So yeah, if this all sounds good to you, then please help me get out of my misery. Or if you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask.

[freakbabyy]

see you in hell

chapter two

eddie munson x reader, steve harrington x reader, billy hargrove x reader

cross posted on AO3

98 weeks left :)

“Good morning my honey-bees!” Mom’s voice rang through the early morning air.

Dustin and I had both muttered a good morning in response, not entirely sure how she had so much energy, let alone enough to make a whole buffet of breakfast. We had both begun eating, mom joined us after setting down a fresh plate of bacon, which Dustin attacked.

“Any plans today, kids?”

Dustin began explaining something about the DnD campaign, mentioning how they were playing in Mike’s basement again. They were at Will’s yesterday, and Lucas’ the day before that. I had taken a liking to staying in my room while reading a book, practicing the guitar, or talking to dad on the phone.

“Y/N, honey, why don’t you go with him? You can hang out with Nancy, Karen had said that she was going school shopping before it started next week. How about it?”

“I dunno, mom. I don’t want to intrude on her day, especially if she’s meeting her friends there. I don’t mind staying home.”

“Y/N… I don’t like the fact that you’ve been staying home the entire time since you’ve arrived. Plus, Nancy was the one to bring it up. She’s excited actually.”

I poked my eggs with my fork, thinking, before glancing at Dustin, who looked hopeful, and sighed.

“Alright, I’ll go. Just this once, though.”

Mom smiled before clapping excitedly, taking Dustin’s plate, which he had cleaned of food, before grabbing my empty one, too.

“Go, get ready. Dustin, don’t forget to brush your teeth!”

“I don’t understand why I have to. It’s not like there’s any teeth to brush.” Dustin grumbled, before walking into the bathroom.

Walking back into my room, and shutting the door, I headed to my dresser, before grabbing out an outfit. I wasn’t sure where they were going shopping, let alone if we were walking, so I had thrown on something light. 

“Good morning, Galadriel!”

I had grabbed some dried banana slices to put in her cage on top of her fresh hay, before pulling my shoes on and grabbing some money dad had given me, before walking to the bathroom, seeing it now vacant. I quickly brushed my hair and teeth, before applying deodorant and making my way to the living room.

“All ready?” 

I nodded to Dustin, both of us making our way to the Wheeler’s house. I had the way memorized by now, after all the times I had to go get Dustin when he had forgotten the time. 

“You know you can always hang out with the party, right? In case you haven’t noticed, we’re not really the popular kids, we wouldn’t mind.”

“Thanks, Dusty, I know. I just sometimes prefer being alone, you know? It’s what I grew up with, being homeschooled. Big crowds make me anxious, even if it’s just four or five people.”

“That’s okay. Everyone needs to be in their own company, sometimes, right?”

I smiled over at the curly haired gremlin, before messing up said hair, and pulling him into a side hug.

“You know you’re one smart kid, right? What did I do to get such a cool little brother?”

“Me? Cool? I think you need to look in a mirror, Y/N. I mean, who can say they’re fluent in another language, do karate, AND like video games?”

“Uh, I can.”

“Exactly my point! I wish dad had taught me another language!”

“I can always teach you, gremlin.” 

“Gremlin!?”

“I can also vouch that you are indeed a gremlin. I think the entire group is.”

We both looked over, seeing Nancy leaning against the car in the driveway. Nancy nodded towards the house,

“They’re all inside already. I’m just waiting for Barb to pick us up.”

I gave Dustin another side hug, before walking towards Nancy.

“Have fun, eat lots of junk food for me!”

Dustin smiled and nodded, running inside and shutting the door, before a car had pulled up. Inside was a girl with short curly red hair and big glasses. She was really pretty. Nancy walked over to the car, pulling me along beside her, before sliding in the front seat, and I slid in behind her.

“Barb, this is Dustin’s older sister, Y/N. Y/N, this is my best friend, Barbara, but we call her Barb.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N. I love your shirt.”

“Oh, I didn’t think many people listened to Echo and the Bunnymen, thanks! I love your glasses.”

“Are you kidding, Nance and I love the song Rescue.”

The entire ride to the mall, which was in the next town over and took an hour to drive there, was full of listening to music, the two filling me in on what’s been happening around town, and what school is like.

The mall itself was huge, like, huge. The music playing over the loudspeakers were strictly pop songs, and the lights were so bright that I thought if I came here at night, I would be blinded.

“So, did you go to a lot of malls in Illinois?”  Barb asked, as we walked into a clothing store.

“No, I didn’t really go anywhere. My dad did, though. I usually stayed home.”

“What about with school? Did you hang out with friends?”

“I didn’t have any friends, and I was homeschooled. I was basically a hermit.”

Nancy and Barb were currently staring slack-jaw at me, as I looked through the clearance shirts.

“We didn’t mean to-”

“No, it’s alright. It’s not like I know any different. I’m actually kinda nervous around crowds, but with you guys I’m not as nervous.”

“Barb doesn’t like crowds, either, don’t feel bad.” Nancy offered, as Barb nodded.

“Yeah, and all the stuff Nancy likes are in stores that are full of teenage girls. It makes me kinda sick, actually.” Barb teased, as Nancy rolled her eyes.

“Hey, I go to the instrument stores with you, you can come with me to pick out cute bras!”

“You play an Instrument?” I asked Barb, hoping that she would also be in band.

“I play the clarinet, do you play?”

“I play the keyboard, I tried learning guitar but I wasn’t too good.”

“Hey, I can’t play an instrument to save my life. Don’t feel bad.” Nance nudged my arm as we made our way out of the store.

“So, I assume we all have different classes?”

We had all pulled out our class schedules, comparing them. I had math first, then band and English before lunch. After lunch it was chemistry and history. Study hall was my last period, which I was eternally grateful for having completed my language courses when I was homeschooled. 

“We all have English together. But I think that’s it.” 

“Well, do we want to split up and meet back up here at 2:30? That gives us about two hours to roam before meeting back up.” Nancy questioned, looking at her watch. 

“I’m fine with that.” I nodded, needing to get a new cassette anyway.

As much as I hated this crowded place, it was practical since it had every shop we needed to shop at for school. Plus, a music shop. I already had notebooks and stuff at home, so I figured I could just explore the mall.

The music shop had multiple instruments hanging from the wall, as well as some in display cases. Records and cassettes were on shelves lining the whole store, and I quickly realized this shop was mainly for the rock genre based on looking around and the lack of other genres.

“Are you lost?” A voice spoke up, as I turned around towards the counter.

“N-no.” Jesus, could I not stutter for one second with a new person?

“You look lost, doll. I could show you around if you want me to, hun.”

Who did this guy think he was? He wasn’t impressing anyone, not that there were many customers to begin with.

I walked to the cassettes, before looking through them and picking out one of the black sabbath ones. My old one had broken, thanks to Mews the other day. I was glad that the worker had left me alone, but it was short lived when another person decided to talk to me, causing my flight or fight to kick in.

“Hey, I wanted to apologize about Andy.” I turned around, meeting eyes with another teen, but she had lacked a uniform, instead wearing an outfit I could only describe as ‘preppy’. From the light pink sweater to the light gray skirt. 

“He can be a bit of an asshole, but sometimes he gives pretty girls like us discounts, thinking we’ll take him on a date.”

I nodded, skeptically. Should I pretend I didn’t speak English? Should I forget the cassette and just exit the store to look for Barb or Nancy? Should I try to make another friend?

“Why don’t you let me buy you that cassette as an apology on behalf of him?”

She nodded to my hand, which was clutching the cassette as if it would run away at any moment. I mean, she really didn’t have to do that, considering she wasn’t even the one who was being rude.

“Uh-”

“I insist, really.”

I didn’t trust my voice to try and talk, feeling and hearing my heartbeat in my ears. Despite the way she looked, her eyes looked kind and caring. The world was blurring together a bit, a sure sign of an oncoming panic attack. Oh god, did she think I was weird, just staring at her right now, heavily breathing?

“Are you alright?” She asked, brows furrowing as she took a step forward, her hand coming out as if I was about to fall over, to be fair I could have.

“Y-yeah.” I shook my head, putting the cassette on the counter, before she had put her own cassette on the counter, a Van Halen cassette, before putting some money on the counter, handing the cassette to me, pocketing her own and the money, and leading me out the door of the store.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You look like you might pass out on me.”

I sat on a bench overlooking the below stories of the mall, before putting my hands on the railing, leaning my head onto my arms.

“I’m okay, I just- I need a moment. I’m not good with people, I’ve never been around so many as I have today.” 

The girl had sat down beside me, before pulling a water bottle out of her purse, unscrewing the lid and offering it to me. I looked at the water bottle and back to her kind blue eyes, and took a small sip from the bottle.

“I don’t like crowds either, much. Which is kinda odd since I’m around them every Friday for over half a year.” She probably recognized the confusion in my eyes, as she elaborated. “I’m a cheerleader for the high school, so I go to all the football and basketball games.”

Weren’t cheerleaders supposed to be mean and scary according to all of the stereotypes in literally every movie?

“I’m Chrissy Cunningham,” She stuck her hand out, another smile gracing her angelic face, as I smiled a bit back, shaking her hand.

“Y/N Henderson. I’m sorry for freaking out earlier, I was homeschooled my whole life and was basically a hermit never leaving the house until recently. I just moved here from another state over.” 

“Welcome to Hawkins, Y/N. I moved here when middle school started, so I totally get what you’re going through. I’m a sophomore,”

“I’m a junior,” I was worried she wouldn’t want to hang out with an older student, who didn’t have any friends, but she quickly spoke up, a bit loudly, too.

“That’s alright! If I’m being honest I think you seem really cool and I’d love to be friends. I don’t really have many besides the cheer squad, and I don’t even know if I’d classify them as friends, more like acquaintances?” The poor strawberry blonde began rambling quite fast, as I laughed a bit before smiling, her mimicking my face, “I was totally rambling again, huh?”

“I do it a lot, too, don’t worry.”

Chrissy looked down at her watch, before speaking up again, pulling out a crumpled up piece of paper, which was her schedule for classes. Once we compared our schedule, we found out that we both had choir together, but that was it.

The rest of the time at the mall, I had spent most of the day with Chrissy, we had met up with Nancy and Barb at the time we agreed upon. The three of them hadn’t hung out before, Chrissy being amongst the popular cheerleading crowd, Nancy was focused on her studies like Barb, but apparently had been dating a more popular guy named Steve.

“I had fun today,” Chrissy smiled, showing off her bright white pearls, “I hope we can hang out again soon.”

“Agreed,” Nancy offered a smile back, “We’ll see you at school, and you’re sure you don’t need a ride home?”

“I’ll be fine, thank you though!” 

On the ride home, I couldn’t stop thinking about how maybe staying with mom isn’t so bad. Maybe I can get dad to move out here one day. I tried to relish in the fact that I had all weekend to relax, but the anxiety kept creeping up at the knowledge of school starting Monday. But that’s two days away, which right now, seems like a lifetime. 

[gomgeomeogmeogmy]

Dps but public school!

I saw a post that mentioned this and I had to made a headcanon list for it so here we go

Charlie gets sent to the office so much that he’s basically friends with everyone in there and they all love him

He is 100% on first name basis with them all

Meeks and Pitts are best friends with their science teacher and hang out in his classroom during lunch sometimes

Todd’s the type of kid to say hi and have a conversation with the janitor randomly

Neil is best friends with the school counselor,

sometimes he acts like he’s having a really bad day so he can skip class and just go sit with her

They have a groupchat together and text constantly during class

Sometimes they play truth and dare over the groupchat and send video evidence of them doing the dares in the middle of class

Charlie has been sent to the office a lot because of the dares, but it has yet to stop him

All the boys are in the student council, which means they are in charge of the spirit events and all that good shit

It never ends well, none of them know how they’re still in student council

Pitts and Cameron take it seriously, but they can never stop the others from making up dumb plans

The boys are the loud kids in the cafeteria during lunch

Nobody cares because they’re also considered the “popular” kids

Not popular in the “I’m better than you” kind of way, but in the “holy shit they’re so fun I want to be their best friend” kind of way

Charlie is the best player on the schools soccer team

All of the boys go to every single one of his games and scream their heads off cheering for him the entire time

Cameron is the leader of the speech and debate club

Todd and Neil have a mental health awareness club

All of the boys are in that club, along with a lot of other really nice kids

Mr Keating is the most loved teacher at the school, even by the other staff members

Neil does every single theater class he can and participates in every play

Pitts and Meeks are in a DnD club

Cameron is such a teachers pet, but he does it because it lets him get away with more stuff (and because that’s just who he is)

The dead poets meetings still happen and are still a secret, but Charlie prints out propaganda posters about it like it’s some huge underground society regularly and hangs them up anonymously throughout the school

It’s kind of an inside joke through the entire school now

At first the others were upset with him, but then they realized there was absolutely no way for them to get caught, and even if they did no one would care, so everyone else joined him in doing so

Everyone things the “dead poets society” is a huge group of underground spies, when in reality it is just seven dudes going into the woods and reading poetry to each other

The poets go to every single school dance and cause absolute chaos the entire night

Easy to say they are the life of the party

Cameron and Charlie slow dance together to songs that absolutely should not be slow danced to whole crying from laughing the entire time

The first time they did it, it was because Charlie literally dragged Cameron onto the dance-floor to try and embarrass him, but it was a lot of fun so they just do it everytime now

Todd and Neil’s first kiss was at one of these dances, but in a dark, quiet corner of the gym where no one else could see them because Neil knew Todd would be uncomfortable doing it infront of everyone

Charlie and Knox on the other hand do not care how many people see them and make it a point to make out infront of everyone to see how long they can get away with it

Meeks and Pitts just scream the words to old pop songs that play the entire night

Cameron usually starts a game of truth and dare during the party, it gets out of hand very quickly

I might make another part to this at some point, these are fun as hell

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 12/?

Word Count: 4.4k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N - Any Name (Your Best friend’s name)

God idk what i’m doing with this but i’m liking it lmao

next one might honestly be smut idk

Warnings: Violence, Swearing, Description of Blood, Gets heated, hints at trauma, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Y/N walked through the streets of Gotham, which were once bustling with people, but now were quiet with the occasional hooker, she had caught the city as an unlively hour, where it seemed to sleep the night away while the vigilantes of the area watched it like their lives depended on it. In some ways it did, the stories they would tell when being interviewed were horrific sometimes, but Y/N figured a decent amount of it was for dramatization, to keep the people of Gotham off of the streets to protect them all from it.

The question was always protect them from what, and they never answered. So, it never kept the people of Gotham at bay from the streets at night, and had Y/N’s car not been towed, she would have been driving home in the safe, secluded area of her car, not the vast wilderness of the streets of Gotham.

She looked up at the sky to see one of the virgate boys using a grappling hook to fly to the other building, which was such a sight to behold for someone who never witnessed a superhero beyond Superman at home. She wished and longed to know more about the vigilante, but didn’t dwell or dote on that man, because she didn’t need to.

Something told her that he was watching though, tracing every step she made to make sure she got home in one piece. She thought she was crazy, her life didnt matter more than anyone else in Gotham. He’s not following me, why would he? she thought, Even though I’m dating Jason Todd, they probably don’t know Jason, so my life doesn’t mean much more to them than any one of the hookers along this street. I’m overthinking it.

The walk home took two hours, she left Jason’s at 4am just to find herself back home at 6am, bright and early as the sun rose, ready to greet the day and all it had in store for everyone. But the things it had in store for Y/N was a class and if she was lucky, cuddling with Jason. Nothing more, nothing less.

She would open her front door, unscathed from the journey home, except maybe for a few callouses on her feet, it was the last time she wouldn't pay for more than a day of parking, that’s for sure. Heels were not the shoes you wanted for a two-hour walk home in the Autumn cold, but they were what she had.

She thought about what she was going to do next, and the first thought she had was to shower. Not because she needed to, but because she wanted to nurse the terrible headache she had and to think some things through. What she normally did in the shower.

She wanted so much more from so much of her life. the main offender of seemingly not being enough for her was Jason. Not because she didn’t want more, but because she craved more from him. He was injured, so she wouldn’t get much more rom him for the time being, and it stung a little for her. She just wanted him, maybe sexually, maybe in a more romantic setting or maybe just on her couch on a Thursday afternoon. It was all three of those options and she knew it.

She pulled out of the shower and looked at the time, 6:50am. Okay, she thought, little more time than I wanted to spend in the shower, but I guess the universe had different plans for me today. What else do you have for me, universe? And how much of you plan involves Jason?

She would open her phone after quickly getting dressed. While she still cared for her appearance, she didn’t want to dress like she owned a law firm every day, so she didn’t. Just black jeans and a black top and she felt like a million bucks. 

Just some quick outfit inspo. I like doing these a lot. I think fashion is funky :))

Artemis had sent her a message asking where she was at around 4am, she wondered why the time, but she then remembered that Artemis’ boyfriend worked with Dick Grayson, who was Jason’s brother, who worked most nights until radical hours of the night. The chances that he saw her on her two-hour walk home was high, but the chances that that had also made it back to Jason was higher. She knew she was in for it.

Hey sorry, I was at Jason’s. Fell asleep in his arms the whole shebang. And yeah, that was me who screamed the yo momma joke at the press. It was super childish, I know, but I don’t care. Those fucks are sucking my life force out of me and harassing my boyfriend, even your boyfriend.

She would then look at the articles calling her a gold digger and worth-nothing childish insulter of the press. She laughed. If the press wanted a fight from her, she was more than willing to oblige and load the canons. 

She didn’t know how to fight back that well, since it was a mainly verbal fight, and she barely even knew how to  fight physically, hence all the running and non-confrontational arguments she had had to the press.

And like fucking clockwork, Jason texted her.

Did you walk home alone or are my brothers lying bastards?

I walked. I knew someone saw me, fuck.

Why did you walk home? I thought you drove here?

I did, but we spent more than 12 hours together Jason. I didn’t buy enough hours, suddenly my car was being towed.

You could have asked for a ride home from Alfred! He would have in a heartbeat.

I was going to! But  I got distracted and it all became a blur and suddenly I was part of the way home in the dark by myself!

What if you had gotten hurt?

Well, I saw one of the vigilantes of the city on the rooftops, I’m sure if I screamed they would have seen me. They always do see that stuff.

So, your car got towed huh?

Yeah, I don’t know when I’ll be able to pay it off. It’s not exactly like money my parents give me should go to my car getting towed because I got fucked over by seeing my boyfriend. 

You’ll figure it out. Sorry about the car, that’s got to suck fucking ass.

You think? I’m stuck taking the fuckin’ subway till I get my car back. I hate the subway, too many people. Far too many people. Too many eyes. It gets stressful really quickly. Might just walk every where honestly, I can’t deal with the eyes of strangers.

But you’re a C-list celebrity.

Internet is different. I can just block the bad eyes and move on with my life, you should see my block list now that some people are connecting my name to the girl who flipped off the press, thank god Twitter has a fuckin block feature.

You should really just meet my family so you don’t have to run away before they get home, would probably cause you a lot less financial stress, Y/N.

I’ll think about it.

You should think a little harder about it. I don’t want you to get your car impounded ‘cause you’re seeing me, why did you even park in pay-to-park?

Did you not see the massive mob trying to get to you? It was impossible for me to even try to pull into the driveway. Hence why I’m being insulted, you know, ‘cause I yelled at the press to get them to leave me alone. I fucking hate the press, you’re stabbed, severely injured last time they got information, and they’re harassing me, asking me what I like to do on the weekends.

Fucking vultures. Yeah, I’ve seen that. I’ve read the articles. But that’s the press for you, absolute trash and spitting bullshit in everyway.

Fucking hate the press, that’s for damn sure. Despise them. I won’t ever change that, even if, knock on wood, we break up.

Praying we don’t break up so I can see you lose your shit at the press when you’re bored.

She would get up to go make some coffee, since it was closer to 7:20am and if her roommate woke up, she could just tell her to get up anyway.

The press can suck my dick. she said.

You have a dick?

Oh yeah. Massive. 20ft long. It probably won’t even fit all the vultures.

Oh my god, that’s not as big as mine.

lmfao is it now?

Oh yeah.

Nice.

Anyway, my brothers are staying home from school today,  I think they’re making me play Resident Evil 8 with them? You know that game?

Of course. Everyone in that game is infinitely hot.

Are you bi? 

I don’t know. Haven't thought that far ahead to actually label myself. I just like people. Sometimes it’s men, sometimes it’s women. But you have to agree when you see them all. That game came out when I was still in  high school, so I’ve played the entire thing. My phone background is actually one of the characters.

Which one?

I’ll show you if I come over tonight.

My brothers might be in my room, though.

Okay, but, RE8 is an amazing game. So, worth it.

You won’t meet them normally but I pull out a game you love and you’re down?

I’m very easy to convince.

You still have notes to write when you come over though.

Oh yeah, I was probably going to have to come over both ways, just because I need those notes and you do too.

Do you not own a printer?

I barely even own a laptop, I’m waiting for my old one to come in the mail. 

How do you even manage?

With a whole lot of will and spite, anything is possible.

And that’s when her discord group chat @’ed her. She was on Do Not Disturb because she was Jason, and apparently they missed her.

Y/N! C’mere. One said.

Yes? Whatduhya want nerds?

We’ve decided to hold a fake internet wedding between you and Christopher. Another said.

A what.

We’re getting married!

Sometimes I wish I never left Metropolis and then I remember you fucks live there. Why are we doing this? You do know I have a boyfriend right? She asked them.

I don’t know, we’re bored and we miss you. We can have a bachelorette party in Gotham, if you want.

I’m this close to going back on DND.

The group chat was made way back when they had all first met in grade 9 and had been active ever since. They all had stayed in the city when they graduated though, but since Y/N received a scholarship, fully paid for, she took the opportunity and jumped.

They were some of her closest friends, even if they lived in a different city to her now, even if they were all busy with school, even if she was busy with school and a boyfriend, A lot of her life wouldn’t be complete without her crack friends in her hometown.

They had all ben partying like crazy while she was gone, and if she wasn’t so hung up in her own life, she’d probably be down there with them. 

Before you do, can you please explain why you’re screaming at the press, lmao.

Because fuck the press, dude. Why else? 

What did they do to you?

Have you seen the recent articles?

That’s true.

She laughed and finished her coffee. Jason had not responded yet, she assumed his brothers were either checking on him or they had started the game. It was around 8am when A/N finally left her room.

“I thought you were staying with Jason?”

“I was, but then I remembered he has like 9 siblings and I’m not about to meet them all. Then I walked home.”

“You walked?”

“Car got towed.”

“Fuck, can you afford the bill? I can’t.”

“Nope.”

“Guess we’re going to take the subway for a while, huh.”

She sighed and put her cup in the sink, “At least you don’t have school to go to and your lover comes to meet you, I have shit to do and places to be,” she frowned, “Inconvenient.”

“Could you borrow money from Jason’s dad?”

“I don’t borrow money from family, it’s hard enough for me to accept the money my parents send me.”

“I know it is, when’s your class?”

“3pm, I’ll be leaving at 12pm though, because the subway is unreliable.”

“This is going to be a hard hit for us.”

“Well, it’s not like it’s fucking your credit. Mine’s tanking.”

“You’ll pull through it.”

-------------------------------------------

She got onto the subway at 12:30pm. She really hated the way it was running. The people, the faces, the staring eyes of unwanted attention. People knew who she was and she hated it. She didn’t like the attention, she just liked the fucking with people. She wanted to get off the subway the minute she got on.

She eventually couldn’t take it and got off a few stops away, there was still a substantial walk towards the college, but she knew it would be. She even brought a leather jacket with her so that she could walk if she couldn’t take it anymore.

And there she was, in the busy streets of Gotham, walking to her college. Barely aware of the people who did stare at her, because she just kept walking, lost in her thought but aware of the people in her trail, the cross walks and the lights she was waiting for occasionally. She just kept walking until Artemis met up with her,

“Hey! I didn’t know you were walking to school today,” Artemis said.

“Oh! I didn’t want to, my car got towed though.”

“Your car got towed? That sucks so much. Well, we’re going the same way, so I’ve decided I’m going to walk with you, you get no say.”

“Of course. I was going to ask if you wanted to,” she laughed, “It’s more fun with a friend anyway, Art.”

“So, how are things with you and Jason, I’m legally obliged to ask as one of his friends.”

“Well, we made it official if that’s the kind of thing you want to hear,” she laughed again, “I’m sure it’s the answer Dick will eat up.”

“You’re right about that one. Dick’s a sucker for a romantic story, you should write one, since you write. He’d probably read it all.”

“Well, that would be fun, but I still don’t have my laptop.”

“You could use Jason’s?” Artemis suggested..

“Nah. It’ll be fine,” she said, “I’ll manage.”

“Aren’t you collecting notes for him for your psychology class?”

“I am, it’s not like he can go anywhere. I actually told him he’d need to walk eventually so that it’s not a learning curve when he’s healed.”

“That’s what all of us are telling him too, he’s a stubborn man, good luck with that one,” Artemis laughed, “He’s always been the stubborn friend. Worse than Will, actually, and Will is really bad with being stubborn.”

“It’s fine,” she laughed, “If you asked any of my Metropolis friends they’d say the same about me.”

“I bet you were quite the wild child in your heyday back in your city,” Artemis laughed, “I hate Metropolis.”

“Who doesn’t? It’s so crowded.”

“Uh, Clark doesn’t. He thrives there, no idea why, he grew up in Smallville. If anyone should be uncomfortable with Metropolis it should be the small-city country boy, but I guess it’s his thing.”

“I forget you know everyone.”

“We know a lot of people, are you’re slowly being let into our massive circle of very well-known people. Welcome to the group, I guess,” she laughed, “You'll either hate or love the fame that comes from this.”

“Well, if its paparazzi and press, I think I’ll hate it.”

“I can promise you right now that it’s not all paparazzi and press, we haven’t been bothered today, probably because we are on the move.”

“You shouldn’t say that, you’ll jinx it.”

“I know a lot about not jinxing it, but that’s a story for another time,” Y/N noticed that when Artemis said this her eyes glazed over and she looked upset.

“You don’t ever have to talk to me about something you’re not ready to talk about,” Y/N reassured her.

“Hey, the trauma makes me funny.”

“Two can play that game.”

They would ramble on for the rest of the walk to their college. Nothing really of substance, just getting to know each other further. She was glad she found a friend in Artemis, it would have sucked if the two of them didn’t get along, but with each word they exchanged, they had so much fun.

She even told Artemis about that time she played Katherine Howard in her school’s budget play of Six - The Musical. She was proud of the riffs she was able to do, but she didn’t talk about it often. She was never the type of brag about her achievements, no matter how amazing they were.

But Artemis and Y/N parted ways and Y/N went to her class and wrote the same, boring, scribbly and barely legible notes. She figured eventually she’d need nicer handwriting, but did she want to work on it? No.

When she finished, she saw Artemis and who she could only assume to be Wally, at Artemis’ class doors. She waved to Artemis, before Artemis called her over.

“Y/N! Hey, I would ask how class is, but this is Wally,” she gestured to the red-head boy beside her, and Y/N held out her hand to shake Wally’s.

“Hi, Wally.”

“Y/N. It’s nice to meet you since Jason can’t shut up about you and my girlfriend likes you a lot.”

“Well that's sweet of you Artemis. You’re just so in love with me,” Y/N joked.

“Girl. You know it,” Artemis joked back.

“You two already have a close bond? That’s impressive,” Wally said, “Never seen anyone win over any of my friends this quickly,” he muttered.

They joked for a little while longer, just getting to know Wally before she had to go, she had to get to Jason’s.

The walk was a while away, so she went and sat on a park bench for a minute to check her phone, Jason had texted her.

Hey baby, are you coming over?

I am, yes. I actually just met Wally.

You met Wally and I wasn’t there to see it? C’mon.

Artemis introduced us! Go yell at her.

Oh. Never mind. I won’t do that.

Ha! Scared of her?

Maybe a little, she can be scary, okay?

You can’t tell but I’m laughing at you.

Dhmu.

That’s fine, I’ll just go hang out with Alfred and not you. He seems like he would be spiteful like me.

That’s unfair.

I thought you said don’t hit me up?

Fuck.

Checkmate.

I am upset.

No you’re not.

No I’m not.

She would walk down the street further, maybe within a couple steps to reach the Manor, when a man dragged her into an alleyway. She yelped.

“Uh, hello? Can I help you?” she asked, pretending she wasn’t terrified.

“How much would Bruce give me for you?” the attacker mumbled before he tried to knock her to the ground, but she had another plan.

He grabbed her, put his face close to hers, and she head-butted him, he would stumble back, and she started running to the Manor.

“Come here you fucking bitch!” he screamed. She could feel her nose bleeding as she ran and ran, the security saw her and pulled her into the gateway before drawing their guns and urging her to run to the steps of the Manor.

And she ran. The security at the door saw her and let her in, and yelled for Alfred.

“What is this nonsense, oh,” Alfred paused when he saw the blood running out of Y/N’s nose, “Miss Y/N, what happened to you?” he asked before grabbing her hand and pulling her into the entry-way bathroom and opening a first-aid kit.

“Okay so, what happened was I was walking to the Manor because my car got towed right? And this fucking bastard dude pops out from an alleyway and pulls me into it, asks some bullshit about how much Bruce would pay for me, when he grabbed me and tried to knock me down, when I head-butted him and started running,” she said, completely unphased.

Alfred didn’t respond to her and started to stop the bleeding when Bruce called for him, “In the entry-way bathroom, Master Wayne!” he answered.

Bruce came around the corner and saw Alfred was already tending to Y/N, “Well, this is the event where I meet my son’s girlfriend, when she is bleeding and running from a strange man in an alleyway.”

“Heh, sorry,” she said and outstretched her hand to shake his, “It’s nice to finally meet you, Bruce.”

“I can tell you’re going to be quite the addition to this household,” he said as he took her hand and shook it, “As long as you’re okay.”

“I’m okay.”

“That’s good. I guess you can’t get mad at Jase for being a reckless man now.”

“I really can’t.”

“Alright, you should be good, Miss Y/N.”

“Thank you, Alfred. But you really didn’t have to.”

“I’ve been taking care of 5 boys and 3 girls since most of them were little, Miss Y/N. A little blood is really no big deal for me to handle.”

“That’s obvious.”

“You can go see the boys now, they’re going to ask you though,” Bruce said.

“I know.”

She walked to Jason’s room, hoping that he wouldn’t have all of his siblings in the room, he did though.

“Hey, Y/N- what the fuck happened to you?” Jason exclaimed when she opened the door.

“Oh great, all your siblings are here. Anyway, I guess,” she paused, taking in a big breath so she could run through the events quickly, “So I was walking here ‘cause my car got towed, right? When some fucking bastard man grabs me and yanks me into an alleyway and starts going off about how much Bruce will pay him to get me back or something,” she paused again, “And when he tried to knock me down by getting really close and personal to my face, like an idiot I should add, I head-butted him.”

“You did what?’

“I’m not done yet, met your dad when I actually had blood running out of my nose because that's just my fucking luck. Okay, now you can be disappointed in me,” she joked.

“I will say again, you did what?”

“Something stupid?” she said.

“You could say that again, my god, what went through your head?”

“Uh, nothing. Just survival. Fight or flight but I head-butted a man, and hi, everyone.”

“Hi, Y/N, I’m Dick,” Dick said, “You clearly are meant for Jason,” he joked, “That's something he would do.”

“Don’t encourage her, Dick!”

Stephanie got up and greeted her, “You know, Y/N, I always wanted a crazy sister,” she joked, “I’m Stephanie, the black-haired girl is Cass, and the red-head is Barbara.”

“Me too,” Cass hopped onto the joke.

“It’s something else when you meet the girl your brother is dating after she head-butted a man, apparently,” Y/N laughed, “I know it’s far-fetched-”

“Not really,” Tim cut her off, “You know Jason protected Will when they were attacked?”

“That’s Tim, by the way,” Dick said.

“So you can’t yell at me for head-butting a man!” Y/N joked at Jason while going to sit beside him, he slinged an arm around her shoulder and leant his head into her head.

“Well, you seem like a nice enough girl,” Barbara said, “Take away the reckless behavior, and you are lovely.”

“That is valid, to be honest. Not exactly the way you want to meet your brother’s girlfriend.”

“You think?” Jason asked, sarcastically.

“Ha ha.”

“See, she thinks I’m funny, why can’t you fucks?”

Y/N laughed and then asked Dick, who was playing RE8 at the time, staring at the photo of Donna Bentiveno, “She’s cute, isn’t she, Dick?”

“Have I been staring?”

“Let’s just say Angie is probably very pissed at you.”

“Oh! Whoops. There’s a point to this, I forgot.”

“I don’t blame you, I remember forgetting there was a point and the little bitch devil doll would attack you.”

“Language.”

“Oh no, you’re lame. Gross.”

“Excuse me?” Dick asked as the rest of the room erupted in laughter.

“Do you guys see why I like her now?” Jason asked.

“Uh no, she’s mean,” Dick said.

“You’re going to die if you don’t start paying attention, Dick,” Y/N said.

“Oh!” and he died.

“And that kids, is why we listen to the person who’s 100%’ed the game.”

------------------------------

Y/N and Jason would spend hours with his brothers and sisters until the sun started to set and they all scattered to their own rooms to  do their own things. you can’t keep a lot of kids in one room for so long.

Once everyone left, Y/N placed her hands on Jason and kissed him, she was actually able to be laid on his pillow, he was able to pin her to the bed. And they did just that. He was on top of her, using his one arm to prop himself up and using his other hand to touch her face.

Her hands found their way into his hair like they always did, she found a lot of joy in playing with his hair. Their tongues danced together, they never fought or anything, they just enjoyed each other when Jason let out a small moan and she let out a small laugh.

“Keep it in your pants, Tiger,” she joked, “You’re not fully healed.”

“You literally smashed your face into another man but I can’t moan when I kiss you?”

“Because I know you want more.”

“Hell yeah I do,” he said as he went back for more, actually using his strength to keep her to the bed, but she didn’t protest this time.

[cxmetery-gates]

OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS - DARK!TOM HIDDLESTON

CHAPTER TWO: FOR THE FIRST TIME

SUMMARY: Lynn meets the attractive English teacher, Mr. Tom Hiddleston. WORD COUNT: 3.1k NOTE: it’s 3:00 am but I don’t have a sleep schedule. Enjoy! WARNINGS: dark!tom hiddleston, teacher!tom hiddleston

OBSESSIVE TEACHINGS MASTERLIST

INSIDE IS HAVOC.

For some idiotic reason, most students somehow forget what classes they signed up for three months ago or lost their schedules (I still wonder how that happens) and thus, the front office is a mess of students asking for theirs, the lines bleeding out into the hall. Given this, getting around to head to the commons will be a mission in and of itself. I'm not hating on all of them. As a freshman I was in the same place, my shaky hands and nervously stuttering voice mirroring the kids that smell brand new. Hopefully, to avoid this debacle again, they'll write the classes down. I guarantee the already exhausted looking receptionists would agree.

I almost want to tell the small, thin girl who wrings her hands 'good luck' but I guarantee she'd faint by the time I open my mouth. Instead, Ellie and I keep walking past the crowd. Poor souls.

It takes a minute or so to reach the commons, the booming echoes of chatting teenagers on their first day back is a sound like no other. The voices create a paved path any newcomer could easily follow. It dawns on me now that this will be the last time I'll hear this sound. I solemnly smile.

"I'm telling you, Dunmer is the better race."

"Only an idiot would spew such ignorant bullshit! Everyone knows Khajiit are the superior race!"

"Says the guy who could pass as a furry."

My eyebrows raise once the familiar voices are heard. Of course, they sit alone and look as normal as ever. My heart dips into my stomach when one of the two glances up and bashfully raises a hand to wave. In his awkward state, his hand barely moves.

Ellie is the first to speak. "What are you guys fighting about now?"

The boy with the long black hair speaks first. "Dumbass over here thinks Dark Elves are the best characters in Skyrim." Gabriel Ahoka is one of the oldest friends I have and if there's anything I've learned from him, it's that he's right the majority of the time. Oh, and he has beautiful hair.

"Because I'm right!" I take a seat next to the self-proclaimed judge. His name is River Adams, and I think I've been in love with him since he told me I reminded him of Hermione Granger back in the fourth grade. I smile in his direction then tuck some hair behind my ear. A nervous twitch that doesn't get past Ellie's ever watchful eyes. I refuse to acknowledge her small smirk. Instead, we both join in on the two dorks' conversation.

Ellie rolls her big brown eyes at them. "I don't see what the fuss is about. You guys take your games too seriously."

Both River and Gabriel audibly gasp at her comment.

"Fine," Gabriel huffs looking in my direction. "What about you, Lynn-ykinz?"

I don't visibly react to his nickname. It's something I've been called for years now. Though I'd like to agree with River, it's something I can't do. "Dunmers—"

"Ha!"

"— are for pussies."

"Ha!" This laugh comes from the boy sitting across from me. Beside me, River makes a small "oh" and lowers his raised fists, his hooray coming to a short and final end. I chuckle at his reaction as I pass Gabriel a solid high five.

"What are your guys' schedules?" River asks a tiny bit of gloom and annoyance coating his words.

Fortunately, most of us are in similar classes and only have to be here for a little over half the day. Due to all of us sticking to the scheduling plan, we all were able to get almost all our required course and electives done. Instead of having seven classes in one day, we all have five. By the time lunch rolls around, we're free the rest of the afternoon, meaning much longer DND matches with the nerds and more gossip and jam times with the only other female in our group.

"So meet up at the library for lunch?" I confirm once more as the morning bell rings, signally to all the student and staff that the first day is about to begin. The three people around me reply in agreement, and we head out. For the first hour of the day as well as the last, we're in different places. I'm not sure where the others are going, but I begin my journey to the library, one of my all-time favorite places.

I walk through the doors and slide over the counter, careful not to be seen but not careful enough. I plop in my seat at the front desk as someone walks up behind me.

"I don't know how many times I have to tell you to go through the gate. It's literally five feet away, Lynn!" I send a humored smile to the woman walking behind me, a rather large stack of books in her arms.

I stand up and begin taking ones off the top. "Five feet of unnecessary effort, in my opinion."

"And playing parkour in the library is?" Mrs. Gibbons says, deadpanning.

"To each their own."

She sighs but then laughs. "How was your summer, kid?"

"Pretty decent." I now have half the stack in my arms, and I follow behind her. "My mom and I went to Arizona for a few days and then Seattle for a week. We didn't have much time, but we drove through somewhere in Canada on the way back just because."

Mrs. Gibbons sets the books down on a cart where there are a couple of rows on the bottom already filled. Taking her lead, I lower my stack to the opposite side and begin placing them side by side. I presume these are outdated and to be sold or given away. "What's in Arizona and Seattle?"

A smile hits my face immediately. "There's a college in Flagstaff with a great writing program. I went on a day trip around the campus. And Seattle is just someplace we wanted to visit."

"That's so good to hear, hon! Are you considering?"

I lean back against the counter right behind me as my mentor continues to shelve books. "It's a little far."

Turning to face me, Mrs. Gibbons send me a confused stare. "I thought you wanted to get away from this god-forsaken state?"

She's right. All I've wanted since my father left was to get out of Missouri (or Misery, if anyone's asking). My mom and I left Maine a long time ago go escape unimaginable horrors, but I wasn't expecting those nightmares to follow me here. The move was negligent in getting us away from memories a selfish prick poisoned and to start new somewhere far away, where no one knows me as the girl with a deadbeat dad. In this small town, everyone knows everything. I'd like to escape, to be a complete stranger to everyone.

But Arizona is a couple of thousand miles away from the place I grew up in, my home. I feel incredibly guilty about considering a college so far away from the woman who has taken care of me on her own since I entered elementary school, who has taught me that voicing my opinion and being honest is valued more than timidity and who told me that no man should ever keep a thumb on me. The other influencers in my life are also staying around here. Ellie has been accepted in a very pretentious private school for the Fine Arts a couple of cities over while River and Gabe are thinking about community college before making the jump into university. While solitude and adventures are what I crave, everyone who keeps my sanity in control is here.

I sigh, crossing my arms. "I do, but... I'm just not sure what I really want. Like, I would kill to get out of here, but what if everywhere is worse?"

"Trust me; there's nowhere worse than southwest Missouri, hon."

Again, she has a point.

I hum in response. There a brief moment of silence as we shelve old, dusty books. "So how was your summer?"

Mrs. Gibbons smile kindly, fawning over memories I doubt. "Richie took two weeks off, and we went Fiji. It was so beautiful. The water is clear, the people are wonderful, and the food– oh my God, the food." I secretly have a small thing for Richard Gibbons, or, as his wife calls him, Richie. This "thing" isn't a crush or infatuation by any means, but when he walks into the library on random occasions, he has a natural gift to swoon anyone he encounters. I've unfortunately fallen victim to his charisma a few times. He's an image of the wealthy 1930's businessman with modern values and beliefs weaved in his fine suits. Mr. Gibbons might be my mother's age, or possibly older, but I have to say, Mrs. Gibbons is quite the lucky woman.

I chuckle at her. "I'm sometimes surprised you haven't filed for early retirement."

"Richie makes quite the cash, but how and I supposed to entertain myself when he's gone ten hours a day and then for weeks on end?" Mrs. Gibbons pauses and looks around her library, then back to me. The growing crows feet wrinkle into a smile. "And besides, I can't leave my favorite kids behind, now can I?"

"I guess you can't," I reply.

Ten minutes later, I'm back at my desk. Well, technically mine, Mrs. Gibbons, and the other kid who helps out during school hours. I've never met them, so I'm not sure who exactly they are. Anyway, the "desk" is a long bar that has a foot-high wall that stretches all the way down to the ends, creating a divider between my computer and a student or faculty member. The top of this divider is flat, forming a plane in which books or arms can be set on. Most of the time, books scatter the top, but since it's the first day, the library is not only spotlessly clean but deadly empty.

That is until someone catches my attention. Sitting at the far side of the desk, I'm able to see who is coming a mile before he steps through the open library doors. This time was no different.

With long, lean legs and a towering height walks in none other than Mr. Tom Hiddleston.

Easily being the hottest teacher of all time, I feel a blush beginning to creep up my cheeks just at the mere sight of him. Apart from his 6'2 figure, he sports tame yet still curly reddish-brown hair, divine enough for the gods, if he isn't one already. Mr. Hiddleston's cheekbones and jawline remind me of razors, which I would feel honored to be cut by. However, his eyes are a color I can't pick out. Because I've never been in close proximity, my guess, from my distance, is green, or maybe blue. The ambiguity makes him all the more interesting. I wonder if he has some long-distance vibe because as soon as I look up to see him, Mrs. Gibbons is right out front— and missing her cardigan. I raise my brows at her from the swivel chair, but her eyes are focused down and away from me. Elbowing her slightly, I nod once, doing a run over of her exposed arms and a little cleavage. Jokingly, she swats my arms and blushes scarlet. I begin to laugh, somehow holding most in when Mr. Hiddleston walks in.

"Hello, Ruby," he smiles softly. As if he wasn't attractive enough, the man has a damn British accent. It's almost as if he's trying to stick out among the hicks. "It's good to see you. How was your summer, darling?"

If her fingers weren't wrapped around the edge of the desk, I guarantee she would have fallen over. Honestly, I would have done the same. "Absolutely marvelous! Fiji is a beautiful place. I imagine you would like it there."

I make the snarky note that she left her husband out of the conversation. Thinking about it, I try to glance over at her left hand to check if anything is missing.

Zoning out the best I could, I file through the library's emails and begin writing down books teachers are requesting. Like usual, the freshmen English teachers ask for The Great Gatsby, and the sophomore teachers need 1984. Due to being taught-in-class books, I scoot back in my chair to make a beeline to the back room and take the note with me, the sticky top staying attached to my fingertips.

"Oh, Lynn?" I hear Mrs. Gibbons call out.

I just entered the back room, so I comically poked my head out. "You called?"

I seem to humor both parties, a smile etched on their face. "Could you get the copies of Of Mice and Men?" My vision glances over to the teacher behind the desk for a short moment. His tall frame leans on the counter, arms crossed on the platform, apparently indicating familiarity and comfort in the room. I catch his stare. I realize now his eyes are in fact blue.

Nodding, I duck back into the room, setting my sticky note to the side. During the time I have to gather the fifteen or so books, I allow my reddening cheeks to cool off by taking long breaths. "Don't be weird, Lynn," I whisper to myself, extending my arms out towards the collection of novels. "He's just a hot teacher. Calm yourself."

Finishing the stack, I wrap my arms around the tower, huffing as I do. I carefully whisk myself towards the open door, making a mental note to go back to my list.

Mrs. Gibbons and Mr. Hiddleston chat among themselves not too far from where I left. Now sitting in her swivel chair, typing away feverishly on her computer, and keeping a conversation going, the librarian doesn't notice my return, though the man across does. He nods in my direction. The simplest gesture is somehow insanely attractive. Mrs. Gibbons looks over her shoulder, sending me a smirk. "Oh, there you are! Thought I lost you."

I fake a small laugh. "I'm surprised I didn't; it's quite the mess back there," I tease, waddling over to the counter. "Where would you like 'em, boss?" I'm not sure who I would refer to, glancing once at Mr. Hiddleston, to Mrs. Gibbons, then back to the stack in my arms.

"Would you mind escorting me to my classroom? I tend to be clumsy at times." With a warm smile, Mr. Hiddleston glances down to Mrs. Gibbons, awaiting her approval.

At that moment, I'm not sure if I would love or hate to go. On the one hand, I get to spend time with Mr. Hiddleston, every horny teenager's dream. On the other, I'm alone with Mr. Hiddleston, someone I've never had a conversation with let alone a 'hello' until minutes ago. Knowing my luck, I will somehow embarrass myself in front of him. It wouldn't be the end of the world since I don't have any of his classes nor do I have classes near his, but God I would feel like a fool for the rest of my life.

But, hey, he's something pretty to look at.

"Yeah, I don't mind. Is that okay, Mrs. Gibbons? I promise I won't bail on you," I say.

The librarian nods her head, fixing her glasses. "Of course, go right ahead! There isn't much to do now anyway. Just make sure you're back before the bell rings."

"Don't worry, Ruby. I won't keep her long," Mr. Hiddleston reassures.

I wouldn't be opposed if you did, I think to myself. The comment makes me blush, even going to my ears. Some reasons how I could be kept late quickly flash by and I find myself wishing I had not taken Mr. Hiddleston's offer. With my skin still burning, I make my way around the front desk as he follows me on the other side. The gate is shut, and due to my arms being preoccupied, I realized I might have to swing it using my hip, nothing too abnormal. I helped out Mrs. Gibbons last year and would do the same thing when my arms were full. However, Mr. Hiddleston was not accustomed to my way of opening the gate. Just as I go to butt it, Mr. Hiddleston reaches out. In an awkward exchange, Mr. Hiddleston's hand, which was aiming to wrap around the gate, collides on my hip instead.

It's nothing terribly exciting but enough to get a gasp and a jealous exchange from Ellie, and damn right I'll take that.

He pauses barely a second before quickly retracting his arm to his side. A blush of the same shade of scarlet cover our cheeks, an awkward laugh bubbling out.

"I'm sorry," I shyly push out.

Shaking his head, now making sure his hand is on the gate, Mr. Hiddleston bashfully looks down and opens up the exit for me. "Don't be, love. It was my fault."

"If you want to be the culprit, be my guest," I reply sassily. I don't want to see if my comment amused him or caused a cringe, so I don't look up. Instead, I look around for something to make our trip easier. "Did you want me to get a cart instead of carrying them up? It's up to you."

Shrugging, Mr. Hiddleston begins taking books from the stack, leaving me with less than half. "I don't mind walking if you don't mind. I missed my morning jog, so I'm trying to compromise the best I can."

I nod and kindly smile, even though my insides and my weak muscles are upset I took on the mission. "Walking it is then. Lead the way!"

Mr. Hiddleston turns on his heel, passing a smile to Mrs. Gibbons. "Thank you for letting me steal your little helper."

"Just return her the way she's leaving," Mrs. Gibbons retorts.

"We'll see," he replies, sending me a smirk and a wink. If the man wanted to turn my knees into jelly, he already succeeded from the first introduction. Now he's just teasing my flustered heart. "Just this way, love," Mr. Hiddleston tells me. I'm too afraid to speak, so I nod, smile, and follow beside him up the staircase.

[tosikoarts]

SFW Alphabet | Mail Jeevas

Let me know if you want alphabet for Near as well. You can check tosikowrites tag for more! Warning: there’s a lot under the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

For Matt, being affectionate is as natural as breathing. You can’t call him over-the-top, his love is immature like he just got first teenage crush, and therefore it is difficult to predict his thoughts. In the beginning, awkwardness can slip through accidental hands touch or misplaced kisses. He giggles a lot to cover insecurities and it kinda works.

At the same time he tends to hesitate when things are about to get intimate. New experiences overwhelm him. If relationship seems to develop too quickly, Matt will subtly slow them down without making a fuss.

Won’t ever let his loved one go to bed in tears. It cuts him deeply as a friend and a partner to see his favorite person suffering. Of course, Matt lacks a bachelor degree in psychology, but he knows how to use active listening skills: he actually gives them space to speak their mind, makes pauses when necessary, and asks questions to hear the answers and not to simply imitate a concern.

One of the ways to show affection is to introduce loved one to his friends. We are talking not about a casual “this is name1, this is name2” but a special bond establishing, where everybody is treated with the same respect, trust, each person plays a specific role. Matt basically builds small “family” of closest people, ride-or-die gang from photos on which you see comments like “I wish I had friends like that”.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Matt is the type of friend you never knew you needed in your life. It is easy to overlook his quiet persona so you the only way you can meet him is through mutual friends during DnD session, night out in the arcade, etc.

He speaks the language of memes and irony and ironic memes, which he will send the second he sees something you would be interested in. Sharing is caring, so Matt will introduce you to anything he finds even a little bit entertaining. Friendship with this guy involves a lot of inside jokes that are completely incomprehensible to unenlightened people around.

Chill aura follows Matt everywhere he goes and you will experience its miraculous effects as well. Problems do not exist in his plan of reality, any extreme negative emotions do not either. It may be strange at first but later you crave his presence and stability that comes with it. In short, wholesome person in a grungy shell.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

The miserable situation in which person is truly snuggble (is it even a word?) but has to be in specific mood for it. Matt turns into panda, wrapping his limbs around the partner’s body, today but keeps it modest with only his head lying on their lap next day. He has a bad habit of nestling to the loved one after smoking weed so a sickly sweet smell imprints on their clothes, hair, and whatever he touches.

Without ongoing conversation, Matt starts dozing in a few minutes. His embrace turns into a bear trap, and poor soul, who was (un)lucky enough to get caught, has low chances to escape.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I mean, mentally he is already settled down with his console and Mello? Yes, that sound like him, there’s a good chance Matt would want to have nice comfy life with the loved one. He can’t cook for shit and is an incorrigible slob but, boi, he will try to make their home the coziest nest out here. He will try really hard to be better cook and keep house clean when domesticity hits him.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Matt is a mess. His heart drops when a thought of break-up arises in the mind. He even starts to think that ghosting isn’t that cruel and there’s nothing craven in breaking-up through message. This would deprive him from the sight of them crying at least. After much hesitation, Matt will meet with them close to their house to explain what was on his mind lately. Despite how it goes, he’s filled with unpleasant feeling of betrayal.

A week later Matt will try to get in touch just to see how they’re doing. Are they okay? Are they mad at him? Do they want to talk? What if they want to stay friends? Because Matt wants to stay friends, he planned to stay close to them after breaking-up. Even if some things do not work out, Matt still wants to support them and share all the best in their life.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Seems to look for someone like a best friend to marry and won’t plan anything before he’s fully convinced in a person’s fit. It takes, maybe, two or three years for him to start thinking about proposing, though Matt doesn’t make a big of a deal of this event. His approach is very unpretentious: no restaurant date with small red box, no witnesses with cameras and whatsoever, Matt fondly asks a question while cuddling or eating ice cream out of bucket in silly pajamas. A smile never leaves his lips after they say “yes”. He probably cries on the wedding day too.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Matt is pretty inconsistent when it comes to gentleness. His laid-back nature doesn’t negate his soft side but doesn’t add up to it either, giving his behavior a touch of indifference. His comprehension of physical aspect is better than emotional because it doesn’t have such blurry undertones and can be controlled more precisely. Therefore Matt needs a bit of time to find the correct love language for a new partner and give them clear answer which one works the best for him.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Surprisingly, not so fond of hugs? He won’t ever reject them but it seems like he tries to keep small distance at the same time. You may have experienced it, defective hug when a person does not hug you in full force but also doesn’t let go. In this case, you don’t really understand the reason since person hugged you, right, they must like you to do it but ehhh. Matt takes initiative half of the times, but remember about the quality of dollar store kush.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He says “I love you” every so often. For Matt It’s a phase used not only in romantic way but also as an expression of appreciation for your friends and family. In the beginning Matt will also say “I love you” (like he does to Mello) to make person acknowledge how much they mean to him but later its meaning shifts to more serious one and is accompanied with long tirade about his feelings. So yeah, as fast as they become good friends which may take month or two.  

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

On a scale of jealousy Matt scores lower than average and it takes a lot of time for him to realize someone is seriously hitting on his loved one even if another person acts pretty straightforward. After realizing what’s going on Matt will act needy. He won’t stop following his loved one and holding their hand, placing small pecks on their cheeks and giving his rival dirty look.

If he witnesses his lover acting too flirty, he won’t say a word. Only after they are alone, Matt reluctantly will try to set record straight. Relationship takes two to work, and he won’t force them to stay just for the sake of staying.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

You’ll never get bored with this goofy kisser: he is sloppy, but also gentle and sweet. Well, not that sweet since you can taste the tobacco bitterness on the tip of his tongue 99% of the time. Sometimes, Matt gets so carried away that he will kiss his loved one right in the middle of the sentence. Prefers classical lips kisses and kisses on the forehead for both kissing and being kissed.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Man, Matt can connect to little ones on the spiritual level. He talks to them like they are his equal in every way possible and from the outside it looks adorable. Teenagers need space? Good, here you go! Kids want a piggyback ride? Jump on it, he got you! Baby-toddler screams the lugs out? Mail prepared ear plugs, pacifier, and a collection of toys! Even when they are causing troubles, this guy remains very understanding.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Night work puts both Matt’s laptop and himself into sleeping mode at 5-6 in the morning. If you are the early bird, you have high chance to find him at the dawn, with his heavy head resting on his hands. The best option is to wake him up gently and send him to the bed before those muscles get stone-stiff.

On rare occasions he goes to bed right after you just to have a major sleep-in. Nothing can disturb his sleep, not a blasting cannons, nor a nightmare, since his mind goes off and shuts down like a corrupted program.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Let’s not talk about work days, we already know how it goes. On his free time Matt likes to stay at home and have a quiet evening with his loved one or by himself. After pizza is ordered, he jumps on the couch and lies down for a bit. If his loved one is here as well Matt asks what they want to do. His suggestion would be build a pillow fort and wait inside, chatting about stupid things. Trite, but playing video games is second option on the list. They can play together or take turns, Matt is down for anything and will definitely let them beat him in Mario kart.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Reveals facts about himself slowly, but tends to have deep conversations about things like fears, dreams, emotional experiences, even traumas. Seeing the sincere intentions of a person, he will reciprocate the effort to get to know them better. Also, when Matt is in playful mood he will play that “well, try to guess it” or “well, that’s true… or is it?” card making conversation even easier. He may have few topics like life in orphanage he is not comfortable with so he will politely refuse to talk about them or cover them with jokes.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Tibetan monks called, asked if they can book a private lesson in tranquility for their unexperienced young apprentices. This man is the embodiment of appeasement, he is good-naturedly calm and his peaceful mood easily transfers to this around him. He perceives the anger of others and unpleasant incidents as short-term events that do not deserve much of attention. When someone is mad at him he just smiles lightly, explains himself and, oh god, actually tries to get another person’s point of view.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

While his mind is always occupied with unnecessary stuff, Matt manages to remember about half of what you told him. Most of his knowledge comes from endless online chats, jokes, and memes, common interests, and (who thought!) numbers. He is especially good at remembering anniversaries and it flatters his vanity a lot.

To maintain a never-forgetting-boyfriend reputation Matt keeps in touch with your mutual friends and acquaintances. When he needs to clarify something he’ll reach to the most suitable candidate who will answer the questions but also won’t ruin surprise with their long tongue.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The night he broke down and cried. Just sent his ps-controller flying across the room and covered his eyes, and tears started to roll down his cheeks. Soothing words of the loved one made him shake even more vigorous because the connection between them never felt so strong. Matt didn’t have to hide anything from them. There was no need to keep on a happy face 24/7. He squeezed them in his arms like there was no tomorrow and never ever forgot this moment.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Despite the wild life that was supposed to teach Matt to adequately assess the danger of outside world, he remains as laid-back as always. He assures loved one that no matter what happens he will be all right. And they will be all right too. He believes they both can just slip away from any unpleasant situation and there is no reason to be overprotective. Yes, for someone associated with Mafia, Matt feels way too frivolous.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

The exact opposite of Mello. The more time passes, the more confident he grows in his feelings and it shows in the way he expresses it. When it comes to presents Matt chooses hand-made mess over expensive shiny but lifeless gifts. His fingers are glued together and sequins on the nose emphasize bags under the eyes but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters, actually, because Matt finally wrote their name in cursive just the way he wanted to. For the anniversary there is huge box waiting for them, filled with candies, candles, discs, photos, short notes, and every little bauble he could think of. No doubt he stands right beside the person with puppy eyes, evaluating their reaction.

Dates aren’t big of a deal. He leaves date plans up to them since he doesn’t care what to do while it is with them. If they specifically ask for Matt’s ideas he will think about it for 5-10 minutes and then suggest first thing Google search gives him. Pray to God it’s not a DIY in 5 minutes because he will try it too.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Matt has a strong tendency to justify people when they obviously do not deserve it. Maybe this is not entirely conscious, but he ignores red flags until everything falls apart. He doesn’t see a pattern here and how all these people are alike so cycle repeats again and again.

Sometimes you have to worry. Sometimes circumstances oblige you to stop brushing off your problems. That’s not a case with Matt tho. To solve problems with a sober head, cool mind, yes, this is amazing, but the keyword is to s o l v e which he may completely ignore. Being laid-back dude is a talent but it shouldn’t be taken to the point of “if I close my eyes, maybe, it will go away”.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Well, let’s say his style leaves much to be desired. I can see his closet being full of the same type of clothes in approximately similar faded colors. No patterns, no game of textures, it’s just plain. Those goggles with amber-tinted lenses are one of two pairs Matt owns. The other one is similar to famous Kurt Cobain glasses and he keeps them for ironic purpose.

Matt never used any creams even when his skin resembled tree bark. Tobacco smoke can cause dryness of lips so you can expect his being chopped and covered in small cracks.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

You cannot tell it from his face but deep down he is devastated. People notice his silent thoughtfulness, lingering daydreaming. Hours spent in games grow an alarming rate as well as his expenses on cigarettes. A lot of time has to pass by before he goes back to his old self.

If they left for any reason Matt accepts it and tries to remain their friend. He knows there should be a pause in their relationship to establish new boundaries and stop perceive each other as… lovers. But he can’t stay away.

If they died both related and unrelated to Kira case, Matt seems to disengage from everything except helping Mello and videogames. His brain freezes in white noise and repetitive actions keeping him going like a programmed robot. Months later, he promises to get well because this is exactly what they would want for him.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Matt likes to smoke devil lettuce once in a while to clear his head or fog it completely. However, he doesn’t like to drink at all. His organism reacts poorly to alcohol and nausea rises to the throat before he can feel any kaif. Once Matt made a huge mistake (read – decided to get drunk with Mello): it ended up with Mello roaming around the city aimlessly for two days while Matt was almost chained to the bathroom because… well, he didn’t feel very well. In the end of the day they suffered a small loss: Mello lost his golden chain he never really liked and Matt lost the urge to drink forever.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

There is excess of negativity in this world already so if the only thing person is going to do is to complain, he will slowly push them out of his life. Cancelling plans, ignoring massages, hanging up early in the calls and, finally, he will disappear from their life like he was never there.

Boring people. It doesn’t mean person has to be into craziest stuff, you can be interested at knitting and present your hobby as the most interesting thing in the whole universe. Problem arises when person fails to show their passion.

Arrogance makes Matt yawn. It usually comes with qualities such as duplicity, hypocrisy, and he is not buying it. He is simple guy and feels uncomfortable around those who put on a brass face.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

His sleeping hours vary from 45 minutes to 14 hours per day and you never know what tomorrow will bring. It depends on many factors, but mostly on whether he has any work next day and if there are any upcoming games that he was waiting for so patiently.

Matt knows how to sleep anywhere and anyhow, even in standing position with hands crossed. His ability to fall asleep in 0.5 second is something Mello is envious of. Also, he can sleep with loud TV on the background, dogs barking, and Mello yelling at someone at the same time. It’s honestly a superpower.

The mere fact that somebody is sleeping next to him (it doesn’t have to be a loved one) gives him a feeling of serenity. If they sleep under the same blanket, he without a doubt will steal it.

[lynndoublelegacy]

just a cool dnd meme i saw

Yook so it’s less a meme and more like. a big ol questionare but hey, might as well do it. originally saw it on @/probablyottrpgideas, go check them out

1. Game Master, Player, or both? Why?

Ok so technically I’ve DMed twice but I really don’t find it fun? and don’t ever want to do it again. so. Player. I like building characters and their connections with fellow PCs more than building worlds

2. When did you start roleplaying? How old were you?

oh god, if we’re talking about roleplaying in general? I’ve been doing it basically as long as I can remember. As a kid I would play House, and then once I got older in like 5th grade I actually started making characters and playing out their stories with friends. Google+ is what made me realize this was actually like, a THING, though, and I got into some roleplaying groups there, then on DevaintArt. Dungeons and Dragons is a newer development? I got into it in late 2018 when my sister’s friend invited us to a one-shot, and... well, yea, I got hooked lol

3. What was the first roleplaying book you ever owned?

dude, bold of you to assume I really own any. I don’t have that kind of money and literally only own the Guide to Wildemount, and that was a gift

4. Describe the first game you ever ran or played in.

I mean... it’s not a game but ima describe the one shot, bc my first campaign was a hot mess without a true storyline and I used the same character for it anyway. I played a tiefling bard called Aisling Kai (I didn’t know this was a cliche combo at this point, and I honestly played her like a rogue with a music motif but Whatever) and we were a little group tasked to figure out why the hell anyone who goes into this cave never comes out. So we go in, make our way through the dungeon, fight some frog people (I made one of their ears bleed just by getting a nat 20 on a performance check to play a high f# on flute, that was fun, FWEET), and turns out yep, theres a hill giant down here. We kicked his ass and collapsed the cave on top of us (dw I think we were fine but my memory is a little screwy)

5. What system did you grow up with? / 6. Which system do you play now?

i learned on and currently play dnd 5e. I don’t really know anything else, but I’m debating checking out Vampire of the Masquerade.

7. Longest campaign you’ve run or played in?

That would be my Tal’Dorei campaign group, aka The Fatefallen! Started in the Fall of 2019 and still going to this day, just played our 45th session last week. I play Ilia Liadon, the drow grave cleric, and the only member of our party who has been there for every single session since the beginning.

8. Where did you meet your current gaming group?

...well first I feel the need to mention that I have 3 different groups (2 of them are on hiatus now for pandemic related reasons but! we’re still groups). My first group (with Aisling) was formed slowly over time as friends adopted friends into the group, I think it started as a school club? but that didn’t last long. The other two started from a different school club as well, though one has since branched out into other people as well. 

9. Strategic combat or dramatic plotlines?

I am a roleplayer first and a gamer second. Give me all of the backstories and dramatic plotlines. Don’t get me wrong, I still like combat, but story takes precedent for me.

10. Favorite RPG genre?

I don’t tend to define myself by genre? But I tend to fall into more of a fantasy, at most arcanapunk style. Give me all of the magic, and magic powered tech.

11. Your first character.

I got into her a little bit earlier, but my first character was Aisling, aka Calypso Kai. She was a homebrew subclass bard with a criminal background, who honestly? should’ve been a rogue. I’ve since rebuilt her into an Assassin Rogue/College of Eloguence Bard multiclasser, but this iteration was like. Baby her, baby me new to dnd, I did not know what I was doing. She tried to be edgy, but my mom energy came through HARD and she just. Never really had a set characterization. She deserves better and I plan on playing her better sometime in the future.

12. Your favorite character.

You are making me choose between my children. BUT, if I had to pick, either Ilia Liadon, or! Ashe Wednesday, a protector aasimar drunken master monk and my profile picture. Ashe also deserved a lot better from their campaign, so I have a massive soft spot for them, they were made during a really tough time in my life (as was Ilia) and was going through an equally rough time in-game, since I made them for a Curse of Strahd campaign without understanding what I was getting into. They’re my little rebellious asshole and I love them dearly, someone get this kid therapy. Ilia, on the other hand, is just... she’s a comfort character for me at this point. mostly soft edges, such a mom- while Ashe was me yelling “come at me” at the world while crying, Ilia was just... embracing it. Making it better. basically, if they actually existed, I would die for both of them.

13. Your most ridiculous character.

I don’t usually play super ridiculous characters, but! I would say Keothi “Bookfinder” Vaimeil counts. She was basically me looking all of the goliath barbarian stereotypes in the eye, and going “nah. she’s a nerd.” She’s literally a massive puppy dog, just the sweetest big old thing, sitting in her house and reading all the books she can get her hands on in order to make up for her amnesia. Oh, and did I mention that she’s a zombie? ...yea. She’s wacky, but I love her.

14. The best in-character line you’ve ever had.

“I need sleep. I don’t even sleep and I need sleep.”

~Ilia, after a particularly tough fight and an emotionally draining day

15. Your most epic death.

Ok so... none of my characters in game have ever actually died during the storyline? Keothi obviously has in her backstory, and Ilia might have in hers as well, it was never explicitly stated, but during the game? Nope. Ashe got stupid close, but nope. Since Keothi is my only death period, and her death was pretty epic, I’m just gonna describe that. Her parents and siblings in her Goliath tribe had all fallen ill, so she decided to go searching for a possible cure, and ended up getting conned into helping this cult, since they said they would cure her family. Turns out, yea, they were lying, they just needed a goliath willing to sacrifice themselves with a cursed sword. They made the mistake of revealing this before Keothi was actually dead, so as she was dying, she brought the entire goddamn cultist temple down to the bottom of the sea and took the cultists with her. The sword was why she was undead, in the Shadowfell, and couldn’t remember anything.

16. Your most disappointing death. 

As mentioned, I’ve never died in campaign, but I feel like I have to mention this one that happened to our party in Curse of Strahd. We were in the death house, all 5 of us, still level 1, and our barbarian falls into a pit trap with spikes. None of us realize she’s actually dead, so we send out paladin down to get her... with the monk, the bard, and the warlock holding the rope. ....yea both of them died.

17. Something that shouldn’t have worked, but it did.

I’m stuck between two options for this one. First one was the time our water genasi paladin/rogue bloodbended our gnome cleric into a bridge to keep her from falling all the way down a ravine. The second time was when our party managed to defend a small seaside town from a pirate raid with just an NPC with Control Water, a ballista, ourselves, and some explosives. Neither should’ve worked, but both did. Having a triton in your party can really come in clutch in a seaside campaign.

18. Something that went hilariously awry.

I have one that’s hilarious and one that’s horrifying. Hilarious one: in my first ever campaign, someone from Aisling’s backstory popped up and our sorcerer went “that’s shady” (to be fair, he was) and then went to investigate BY HIMSELF. He obviously got kidnapped by the mafia, and then we went all stealth mission to break him out. Stealth was immediately abandoned after our other bard used a SCREAMING SWORD to break open the locks, then we proceeded to go out the way we came, setting everything on fire on the way out, and with our bard lying their way out the front door (with the rest of us in tow as “prisoners”) by pretending to be a fellow mafia member. It was great. Horrifying one: Ilia tries to Send to a member of the party who left in order to let him know that a fellow party member had died. Forgot that he left bc his mind was invaded by a previously dead, very evil old god, and ends up trapped there with him for a while. Ended up with all of our main spellcasters trapped in their own heads while the barbarian paced around worriedly and the rogue decided he was going to get smashed instead of worrying himself silly.

19. Your most memorable in-character moment.

There are a LOT in Ilia’s campaign, but! If I had to pick one, it would actually be a pretty recent one involving Ilia and our party’s wizard, Liara. They’re basically the embodiment of head vs heart? Anyway, Liara is currently suffering from something called magic corruption, though idk if suffering is the right word. Anyway! It basically resulted in her getting... possessed? by her own magic during the night during Ilia’s watch, and they had a really, really interesting conversation regarding guilt, death, and grief, and yea basically I love them. Honorable mention to our druid’s death (he’s back and better now, but that was my first long-time death in a game, we didn’t know he was coming back) and also the moment that Ilia realized that her childhood bff/crush had been revived in a new body and that this NPC was her best friend. That was a trip.

20. The coolest item you ever got and how you came to possess it.

I got this item in the revamp of my first ever campaign and nothing has topped it since which is Sad but hey. Anyway! I got this really cool, possibly cursed dagger after I threw a knife at an absolutely eldritch being and it got stuck in him as he transformed. It looked really badass, and allowed me to cast Inflict Wounds on occasion when I stabbed someone with it. So yea, we love that. Honorable mention to my paladin/bloodhunter’s Helm of the Aberrant Gladiator which allows you to basically do a bunch of fear based affects and psychic stuff.

Numbers 21 through 30 don’t apply to me but. yea. enjoy this summary of my dnd history I guess

[destiny-smasher]

(Music by Samantha Pena, soudncloud user spena1989) Not gonna lie, I'm at a point with All Wounds where I'm like...oof, I wasn't able to envision everything I wanted to a few years back (by a long shot) but I'm kinda...wanting to be done with it. Even though I don't want to be done with it. 😅All Wounds was created from the get-go to be a visual novel - that's why the initial demo released so early into the project's life. My original intent was to go back and forth between fic and VN. But my original intent was also to end the story during the Portland road trip (Chapter 7). And while you could certainly make a case that the story is technically stronger up until that point, and becomes less potent and more dragged out for it's post-time-skip stuff, the latter stuff was also just...a lot more fun to write. And when I look back, if I had committed to the visual novel as intended, we'd not have gotten, like, ANY of that post-time-skip stuff, which includes Other Max being as fully fleshed out as she became. She'd have been stuck being a ghost in Max's head, pretty much. At this point, though, it's been so long, the fic I made INSTEAD of working on the visual novel is SO long, interest in the project peaked back while it was being written, working on this by myself is DAMN exhausting in terms of time spent, emotion and mentality drained, etc. Whenever I go back and listen to all of the amazing music made by people in the LiS it reinspires me to keep working on All Wounds but that's had diminishing returns as my life has changed drastically this past year. I love Max and Chloe. But, tbh, I just moved to a new country and got married, and I love my wife more than Max and Chloe? ^_^;; I’m not depressed and stuck in retail hell anymore, relying on staying up late working on a LiS fan project to channel that depression. I don't wanna completely shut the door on the visual novel and there's a chance I may still try to keep pushing to at least get to that road trip and maybe fudge it a bit. After all, a LOT of work has been done to the project that isn’t apparently or accessible in the public version; and I was able to add pretty well presented versions of Chapters 3 and 4 recently. So it’s entirely possible I could at least push it a little bit further if I end up inspired to do so. Either way, regardless, I still want to try some kind of epilogue, end-cap, etc, maybe even in VN form (Jenny and I had envisioned an epilogue where the characters play DnD). Max and Chloe mean the world to me, and exploring a version of events where both endings of the original game are expanded and tied together felt very cathartic. I'd rather that exist in SOME form (fic) than none at all; I think I'd still have done things this way a second time. But All Wounds inherently was a story about processing pain and grief and trauma and figuring out how to cope with it and heal and move on. And when I was at such low points, that made sense to write and steep myself in. But now? It just kinda doesn't. More than anything, though, is the fact that it's still a fan project - one that has had a lot of its interest evaporated for multiple reasons. The game’s ending is over four years old now; a prequel AND a sequel have both come out, further fragmenting the fandom; people have moved on. And it’s easy for outsiders to not realize how emotionally exhausting and sometimes painful All Wounds was, has been, and can still be for me to work on. Even things like pieces of music or art made by people who hurt me, who I hurt, that shit isn’t easy to work with. I could be spending all of this effort and energy on something less emotionally painful that isn't complete in ANY form AND is original. It feels bad to seriously consider dropping it when I'm sure there are still SOME people out there waiting for it, but I have other stories that I really need to work on. I can't keep myself locked in this cage forever when the work is such an unreasonable mountain to surpass. What I HAVE created is a fleshed out and substantial story and a chunk of it imagined in VN format which all kind of acts as a love letter to PriceField as well as an ultimately cathartic way to leave that original game to rest, I hope. Going forward I really think I'd like for Arcadian Rhythms to function as my one sole fanfic project I do inbetween original works, with one-shots or other bits (like the Butterfly Soup fic) just being other, far less intensive ways of working out those kinds of inspiration. It would probably do me better to also not talk about what I'm working on (aside from AR I suppose) in much depth or detail until I have something finished to really show for it. 😓 So if you want to see what I’ve been able to make of the visual novel so far, you can find that here.If you want to read the prose fic version of the story, which was finished quite some time ago (and which is where I want to update with an epilogue eventually), you can find that here. My newer fandom project, Arcadian Rhythms, which actually does feature Life is Strange characters, can be checked out here. You can follow our Patreon over here - we’ve been on hiatus as we deal with immigration but that should be all sorted soon. Regardless, any major updates to projects will be getting posted there once we’re back up and running. And you can follow me on Twitter over here; or just check back on my personal Tumblr here as I’m sure any meaningful thing I complete, fanfic or otherwise, will get posted here. So to clarify, current creative plans for the future on my own time: - original fiction projects (I’ve actually started work on an original VN for ex.) - Arcadian Rhythms for fun - some kind of epilogue for All Wounds - some kind of conclusion to Runners at the Corners (Butterfly Soup)

Interest in AW severely declined after the fic was done, no one else seems interested in working on it, either, it'd be SO MUCH work still. Sunken cost fallacy is a thing and tbh that’s part of why I even pushed myself to finish the update I did a few weeks ago. I am sorry to anyone who’s been waiting all this time for it - what I managed to produce is still a multi-hour visual novel, and I am still contemplating trying to at least get it to the end of the pre-time-skip. At the very least, there is still a complete story that can be read in fic form, the project just floated up and away from a reasonable grasp for one person, mainly because I just...wrote way more than I originally intended to. When I started work on this prokect, I also didn’t expect to fall in love, struggle to make ends meet, move across an ocean, and get married. And as important as All Wounds has been to me, I did at least finish telling the story I started, and the story it became, but I’ve learned all I can from it at this point and am so tired of trying to drag it out on my own. In the same way All Wounds sees Max and Chloe needing to accept their losses and let themselves move forward despite not everything going how they wanted, I guess I have to do the same with this project. Max and Chloe start a new future together, and it’s that time in my life where I probably should start doing the same. I need to start focusing on telling my own stories with my own characters more than I have been, as well as making more space for this new future with my new wife. And to All Wounds, the most difficult project I’ve worked on to date, as someone I once knew once sang, "I know, I know I made so many promises I know I left you such a mess; Gotta let go, gotta let go, and move on Been walking in a circle for too long"

And as another musician put it,

“Come and see the light of day out in the open It’s like I’m waking from a dream, oh Many days since I have seen the end unfolded Many times that I’ve looked back on all the times that we have had”

[lovelylogans]

Do you have any tips on how to write a female character that's majoring in journalism?

oh boy!!!!!! generally, character-wise, people will of course approach things in different ways, so i’m gonna like mention you know said character and the decisions that she’d make better than anyone else, but i’m gonna write about 1. some “character archetypes,” as it were, that comprise a lot of female members of my journalism school, 2. some general advice on personality traits that would likely be useful/realistic for a female journalism character, and 3. what not to aspire to when it comes to writing women in journalism (ie, this section is just gonna be my biggest gripes about how female journalists tend to be portrayed in media.)

let’s get into it!

section one: “character archetypes,” aka the average personality a lot of female members of my journalism school.

a lot of my really great friends are in the journalism school, and their personality types vary greatly. there are so many awesome women in journalism and this isn’t exactly, like, “BE EXACTLY LIKE THIS OR SHE ISN’T A REALISTIC JOURNALIST,” these are just some character traits/personality things that i’ve noticed when it comes to a lot of aspiring female journalists.

curious. always write them as curious. that’s the backbone of being a journalist is being curious and going after the story. they want to know more about the world, they want to know more about their communities, and they want to provide the perspectives for you, or the reader, or the community, so that you can be better informed/make decisions/be aware. journalists, above all, have that curiosity down; journalism majors can rarely stand not knowing things.

(this also means that female journalists, and journalists in general, really, are very tuned into gossip. not even necessarily “he said she said” gossip, though that can be interesting sometimes too, but things like who got what good grades, which professor said this, what internship accepted who? journalists are basically trained to be investigative and dig deep for things; when it comes to, say, two editors being snappy at each other at a meeting, well, you want to know why, in case whatever is affecting them will affect you. again, not necessarily gossipy in a malicious way that can be portrayed sometimes! gossipy in the sense that they’re usually very in tune with their social circle and immediate community, as well as community at large.)

they are also researchers!!! many journalists are prone to the whole “wikipedia rabbit hole” research thing. they dive deep on a lot of subjects, both broad and narrow, and they like discussing these topics with each other, which again, can vary greatly! the biggest mbmbam/taz Stan i know is a female journalism major, and from there she has a very vested interest in dnd, all because it started with a few funny mbmbam clips (okay, guilty, i was one of the two people who mentioned that it would seem like her thing and now she’s way more into it than i am) and on the flip side of that, there are MANY female journalists who have made careers off their interests—film journalists, video gaming journalists, and social media/pop culture reporters all exist for a reason, and it’s likely because they marketed their interest and therefore “expertise” in these subjects and managed to spin a job out of it!

ambitious. so many kids in the j school strive for really great things, which is super crazy awesome, and they work really hard to achieve it. i know people who have netted amazing internship opportunities while they’re in the j school (we’re talking washington post, new york times, cnn, associated press, like, big organization names) and it’s because they have the ambition to achieve it. they dream big, a lot of the time, and tend to have detailed career goals to go with it.

inclined to ethical/moral discussions. there are a lot of ethical questions when it comes to covering news (there’s actually a wyliwf oneshot in the draft talking about one of my least favorite days of the semester that always comes up in class, which focuses on ethical decisions in times of death, major tragedy, or injury, look up “the breakfast test” if you want to learn more about that particular aspect of being a journalism major) but even when it doesn’t come to major disaster coverage, there are still a lot of little ethical questions to analyze in each area of journalism; journalistic ethics is a whole branch of conversation that i (and a lot of my fellow journalism majors!) fall into discussing. it can be things from the disclosing of anonymous sources to what is and isn’t right to photograph and the inclusion of certain sensitive information or ostracizing it and the importance of fact-checking. i think journalistic ethics is a really interesting topic and it’s usually one of my favorite things to discuss; this wikipedia page just scratches the surface, and here is the spj code of etihcs, widely regarded as a base code of principles for most american journalists to follow, but i encourage you to go out and seek other instances of journalistic ethics, because a lot of the time, what is legal for journalists to do isn’t necessarily right.

organized (even if it doesn’t look like it from the outside) or complete disaster

let’s take my friend, who i’ll call a.c. ac has a color-coded planner, frequently works ahead of schedule, plans out her entire day. she is very tidy, very organized, and seems generally put together. we were roommates in the fall semester and she had a tidy room, a set routine when it came to dinners and organizing her stuff, she’s very On Top Of It

and then there is me. ac once looked at me in horror when i was just starting to write a paper the morning it was due and informed me that the way i approach most deadlines is “her worst nightmare on drugs.” i forget assignments a lot and tend to scramble to do things at the last minute, i am a CHRONIC procrastinator, and yet i still make sure i get things done in time. in essence, i know my limits, and the pressure of a deadline tends to be what kickstarts me into starting those limits.

what i’m saying here is that it’s a vast spectrum, but what tends to drive most journalists is deadlines. journalism people are VERY deadline oriented and their approaches definitely vary, but that tends to be what they stick to most. journalists also tend to have perfectionist tendencies, as a sidenote.

stubborn. holy god. like, just look at the way journalists consistently send foia quests alone, for example, this story about journalists using foia to track hospital bed and ventilator availability in illinous (a dive into sunshine laws, aka releasing public records, which is a whole other thing that people very rarely tend to notice as an aspect of journalism but also lead to really big stories, especially if leaked (pentagon papers, anyone?) and just, yeah. check up on the state’s sunshine laws that you’re writing your story in, i think it could provide a real interesting subplot for you.) journalists. are. STUBBORN. i know people who have sat in offices waiting for public officials to come out for the better part of a work day; i know journalists who have sent hundreds of emails to get one interview; i know journalists who have staged stakeout sessions to see how public officials were using their time when they said they were in the office (hey, including me! i stood in a parking garage for three hours in the middle of winter for this exact purpose once.) what i’m saying here is they are stubborn. if there’s a story, they’re gonna dig. it took woodward and bernstein two years from the time of the watergate breakin to nixon’s resignation. most of the time, that stubbornness pays off.

competitive. yeah, remember that whole ambitious thing i mentioned earlier, coupled with the stubbornness above? journalists are competitive. it’s a competitive job market, so that means that many journalism majors tend to strive for those same big name journalism internships. this is definitely part of my j school culture, so i’m not sure if it’s the same at others, but a lot of people tend to examine what internships or job opportunities or professor favoritism or whatever and see what everyone’s doing, because everyone compares everyone to everyone else. this also tends to feed into other things: getting a story, getting good grades, so on. there’s a definite competitive sense to things, i’m not quite sure how to best explain it, but... yeah. journalists are competitive, sometimes. when it comes to women journalists, it can also be interpreted in other ways (”bitchy” is one) but a lot of journalism majors strive for the best.

supportive. 

section two: some general advice on personality traits that would likely be useful/realistic for a female journalism character

a lot of these were touched on above, but i’d also just like to add: they probably have an interest in some aspect of “social justice,” as it were. feminism, ecological issues, economical issues, racial issues—most of the time, a lot of journalists see these real world issues and it’s what leads them into the career. 

there’s also the whole... ugh... fake news media thing, which i feel like i have to touch on just because: i will say fake news is a meme amongst journalism majors, in that we mutter fake news to each other when our professors are like “this class average is so low y’all need to study more” when it’s their fault for not teaching us i won’t go on that tangent, however, i will also say that this whole idea has contributed to spiking rates of mistreatment and violence against journalists. i’ve been fortunate in that the most tense i’ve ever felt in that situation is taking an uber to a journalism assignment in a white guy’s truck littered with american flags and blaring alex jones on the radio, which i was able to lie and say that i was doing something else and concealing the whole journalism aspect, for my own personal safety, but a lot of other journalism majors i know aren’t so fortunate. i know women who have been yelled at, insulted, and there was a girl who worked around the same time as me who got spit on.

female journalists are usually treated more roughly regardless (when i went out for my first story, my editor sat me down and looked me in the eyes and said “someone might laugh at you because you’re young, and you’re a woman in print journalism, and you know what? fuck ‘em.” which was the first time i’d ever heard her swear and also one of the only times i’d ever heard her swear) so they tend to have to double down and really make sure they know their stuff in case they’re ever quizzed on it in a way that male journalists never really are. this is of course not to say that we’re all mistreated, all the time; it’s just something that female journalists are aware of, the way most women are aware of sexism in general.

section three: realism, and also, hey, maybe don’t do this? just because it’s both unrealistic and like. kinda sexist undertones imo

hoo boy. i’m just gonna take it down the list of some popularized media portrayals of journalists that you might be familiar with and outline why each one is, well..... Not My Favorite?

camille preaker, sharp objects

i do really like gillian flynn’s work, especially gone girl, but camille preaker just rubs me the wrong way? it primarily comes from the ethics involved in her whole situation, and i know they did it for ~drama, but it just... okay, here we go. for starters, you would probably not go out drinking with a source, unless it’s at an event, and you definitely don’t get drunk. you try not to interview people you have personal ties to, because the bias can infiltrate through your work. you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT sleep with your source, especially if he is a member of the police force and a primary source on the murder investigation you’re looking into. just...yeah, those two are the main things?

rita skeeter, harry potter

ugh, the way that rowling painted the daily prophet rubs me the wrong way. like, i understand, and i know that it’s probably more a mention of tabloid culture than like News, but it still just?? it’s the primary news source of the wizarding world?? really?? but yeah, sneaking into places (hospitals especially) to get a story is a massive no-no that would immediately get you arrested.

joan calmezzo, parks and rec

look, i know it’s a comedy, and i know that it’s not realistic, and i know that there is definite semblance for the “alcoholic journalist” thing (an editor i worked for once talked about how her old boss hid a flask in the water fountain in city hall so that he’d be able to get it and drink on the job) and statistically, it does show that journalists turn to sugar/alcohol/caffeine, but i just?? journalists wouldn’t show up to work absolutely blacked out, and if they did they’d definitely get fired.

rory gilmore, gilmore girls

the way rory approaches job hunting makes me cringe down to my very soul. in the original series, from what i’ve seen, she approaches it relatively well (applies everywhere she can, networks, ends up accepting a relatively small job that still provides a massive opportunity to report on a major political figure) but in the revival. who DID that. rory sleeps with a source (WHAT IS IT WITH FEMALE JOURNALISTS ALWAYS SLEEPING WITH SOURCES IN TV SHOWS AND MOVIES?!??!?!!? NO!!!!!!!!!) and falls asleep in the middle of an interview (N O !!!!!) and seems to not understand the concept of freelancing at all (really????? you aren’t working on multiple stories at once??? really????) and also just??? completely disrespects the basic semblance of a job interview??? no matter how impressive your resume is, you still come prepared with ideas and answer questions and no job is OWED to you, especially not with journalism being as competitive as it is, just????

the movie “absence of malice”

i know this one is probably less common, as it’s a movie from the ‘80s, but i still wanna talk about it anyway. sometimes, yes, you write about suspects of murder on the front page of the paper, but federal prosecutor’s don’t usually leak info like That (though rosen is obviously corrupt) and you just?? okay, anyway, carter not revealing her source is good, that’s what a journalist would do, however, teresa perrone disclosing personal information and pleading for her not to include it definitely falls under the realm of an anonymous source. the primary aspect of journalism is “do no harm,” and since disclosing what perrone told her would have harmed her livelihood, carter absolutely either shouldn’t have put it in or made perrone an anonymous source. then we get back to the whole dating sources thing (YOU DON’T DO IT!!!!!!) and then you don’t REVEAL THE SOURCE THAT HURT THIS MAN, OH MY GOD, you still have an obligation to protect your sources!!!! also just generally just!!! this movie does explore a lot of ethical journalistic issues but the sloppy reporting in it just puts me On Edge, ya know?

[thefloatingstone]

I really like your blog! I specifically like the stuff you reblog because it's so in tune with my interests that I can browse for hours while forgetting that this is in fact NOT my dashboard! I hope you're feeling better and talking to someone.

Thank you very very much, Anon! That’s really flattering, and I’m really glad you find my blog so enjoyable. Sometimes I worry I reblog too much and that people may only be following me for my art and become disappointed by my blog as a whole. So it’s really nice to hear.

It’s been a couple of weeks, so I am feeling better, thank you. And I am talking to somebody, I promise

Thank you, anon

It’s really rough, I won’t lie. And it’s been rough for a very long time. But I do hear you on the “it’s impossible to NOT find somebody who’ll click with me.” But I do sometimes fall into the thinking of “how is it possible that there are 7 billion people out there and I seem to struggle in finding anyone irl to even have a conversation with.” But that’s a thought pattern I don’t really want to entertain right now.

Also, it sounds weird to say, but thank you for saying it’ll get worse before it gets better. Because that kinda.... makes it feel more real, you know? It’s way too easy for my brain to just think nice things people say are “empty platitudes”. So when something feels a little more down to earth, it hits me a little harder. So thank you.

Thank you so much @under-the-dragonz-tail. Things are better now. At least for right now. But thank you for sticking with me while I was in a really bad place, and for reach out.

Thank you Anon.

thank you

Thank you @nina-thegamergirl And thank you for the good vibes and sending me some kind words. Nothing has changed yet, but I’m hanging in there a little better now. Thank you for messaging me and making me feel less alone and isolated

@torrikor We may not talk a lot but I still consider you a friend

This legit made me crack a tiny little bit the first time I read it.

Thank you Anon

Thank you @vass-junk It’s really difficult to try and fight feelings when they punch down that hard, but things are better now, at least for now. And thank you for caring about me, even if just in a tumblr fandom sense.

Thank you so much @sin-cognito Things are better now.

While I was trapped in a pit of depression and literally could not keep up with tumblr and did nothing but stare at youtube for 2 days straight, I couldn’t remember who said these things, but somewhere in that pit my brain was clinging onto the things you mentioned, specifically “nobody can predict what tomorrow brings” and how you pointed out that all my negative thoughts all started with “I feel”. So while in that terrible mindset, those two things really hit me and gave me some sort of grounding, and I remembered them clearly despite the rest of those 2 days being kind of a blur.

So I sincerely want to thank you very much for that. It definitely helped, probably more than you realise even after hearing me trying to explain it.

Thank you for being there, and for sending me this message, and for looking out for me and showing me that in whatever way, I’m not completely and utterly alone, even if I am all by myself.

oof. I know that feel. That’s been happening a lot lately.

Thank you @readingatdawn7. And thank you for writing something even after tumblr tried to sabotage you! The move was really hard coming off the back of a year of really hard things. I’m still not sure if it will be alright in this town, but I’ve been making plans and taking steps to change things and I hope they can come to fruition soon.

@legademacinderheart It’s more than just consolation, believe me. And even if online connects can’t replace ones in real life, they do a TOn just to let me know there ARE people out there who actually exist in real life who actually do care, even if just through fandom or because I can draw.

I don’t think I fully realise how lucky I am to have that, and how much worse it could have been if I didn’t.

@xxtc-96xx Thanks TC!

Thank you @itmestine and honestly? Even if it took a year and a half, it’s somehow comforting to hear it happened at all. I still don’t know if it’s even possible for me to find some form of irl friendship here, but I am trying. It’s difficult, but I’m making an effort not to spend all of my time in my room working. Even if it’s just driving to the mall to get groceries or going to a favourite place to eat. I am making a large effort not to just sit by myself all the time.

Somebody suggested getting into a DnD game which can be a good way to meet people. But I haven’t tried it yet. I’m concerned about asking on the town’s facebook page because I’m worried I’ll get marked as some sort of “““satanist”““ for wanting to play DnD. But I’m also worried about starting my own game and inviting people to it because I don’t know how to DM and I feel I’m too awkward and shy to be the person heading a game.

I’m going off topic now though. Thank you for sharing with me. It does give me a little bit of hope.

@54viruses Have I told you how jazzed I am that you’re on tumblr now? Because I am really REALLY jazzed to see you on tumblr!! I was REALLY happy and excited when I saw your avatar pop up on my notifs here! And I’m super happy to see you around

And thank you so much man. And I legit can’t even believe you remember the mayo rice balls. Holy shit.

(I still love them)

@sketchehkimmeh Honestly? that whole “go to a coffee shop” thing just to be around people even if not directly interacting is a really good idea. A coffee shop I really like is moving to the mall around the corner from me, and I’m hoping once they open I can start spending a lot of time there, if only to write fanfics or something. (I’m hoping a change in environment might help the writing thing)

And don’t worry, I am seeing a therapist and he’s helping me with stress management and anxiety problems. He can’t really help me meet other people, but it’s at least one extra person I can speak to.

Thank you for sending me some words of encouragement.

And thank you to everyone else as well. I know I’ve had bad spots in the past before, but this was.... probably the worst I’ve had. I certainly can’t remember being that low before. I’ve never reached a point where I literally shut down and couldn’t do anything but watch youtube while lying in bed for 2 days straight.

Your messages did help though. I read them on my phone as I was notified of them, even though I didn’t have the energy to scroll through tumblr. I don’t know if I fall into that headspace again if I feel they’d be as effective as I do re-reading them while I’m feeling better, but I remember in my fugue state that your words and messages and just the very very simple fact that people cared enough to SAY things to me helped an enormous deal, even if it just meant it chased away dark thoughts and the adrenaline pumping through me for 5 minutes, it was 5 minutes feeling better than I had been previously.

So that you again. I’m sorry I took so long to respond. I was in no condition to do so when you guys sent these, and when I started feeling better I just wanted to ignore those feelings and try get back to normal again.

But thank you.

[aeori-o]

So long 2019!

I usually try and get these up December 31st not January 1st but, really, it’s 24 hours apart, does it really matter?

End of a year! And end of a decade!

I usually go over my yearly reading first. I wanted to get the “bad” out of the way first this time. This year I continued to stagnate creatively. I haven’t drawn anything since Qelvi back in January of 2018. I have written but mostly in role-plays with Vin and the other stuff I haven’t tracked very well. I don’t know how to track it in a way that’s clear and also easy to remember.

In the past my goals going into the new year have always been along the line of “do a little of  [thing] every day” and that is super not working for me. So this year I’m going to try and change it up. For writing all I want to do is a five minute, free-flow, unplanned just-put-pen-to-paper-and-write based off a prompt. That should be do-able as there’s no pressure of it having to be connected to a larger work. There’s no planning and thus no pressure except to take five minutes and do it. I think in the past I’ve tried to do that in addition to x amount of words or pages per day. I’m just gonna scale it back and see if I can get myself to do the bare minimum consistently and see where that goes.

As for drawing. Ideally I’d like to do a little bit every day so I can actually get better at it, but as that’s been my goal for the last several years and I have not done it even a little bit these past two years I’m going to change my goals for drawing up, as well. Instead of trying to do anything consistently I’m just going to make it my goal to do one drawing a month. That’s it. I don’t need to show it to anyone, or post it, or whatever. Just one drawing I can consider “complete” every month. Complete doesn’t need to be polished I just don’t want to do nothing again and this seems do-able. We’ll see how it turns out at the end of the year.

Reading! My goal was to read 100 books this year and then I got sucked into playing Fortnite halfway through the year and basically read nothing in May. I read as much as I did last year, so I’m not torn up about the amount I read, but just once I do want to read 100 books in a year. (Not counting graphic novels, because I read through them too quickly and it doesn’t feel the same as reading a novel). So next year will be attempt number 2 at reading 100 in a year because I don’t think I should give up after not meeting it once. Life happens, sometimes we play more video games than we should, I still read 78-book-books and 63 graphic novels. For a total of 141 books. Which is pretty good, I can’t be upset at that number.

Part of my goal for 100 books this year, too, will be to slim down my at-home to-be-read pile, which is currently taking up seven shelves and must be stopped. I say this but I already have five more books on hold at the library. Whoops.

Here’s everything I read this year that I inputted into goodreads:

My one hour a day reading calendar (this year I started trying to add dots for every book completed on the day of completion, but I think I missed days, gonna do that some more this year, too, I like it):

And my goodreads badge:

2019 was a pretty wild year, there were some unexpected and costly hiccups. One of my cats went missing for a week; the other got struvite crystals and his bladder nearly exploded; My ancient AV receiver kicked it and on top of those things being expensive there was a whole thing where the new one seemed to be messing up my TV, it was a time; I got rear-ended on the freeway which thankfully didn’t wind up costing me anything except for a lot of stress, some minor pain, and over two weeks without a vehicle. None of these turned out to be that bad, in the end, and thankfully spread out enough that I didn’t just expire from stress.

There was a lot of good this year, too. I got to bring my partner skiing for the first time ever, and for my first time in a very long time (I don’t know when the last time I went skiing was, back when I was in highschool maybe?). I expanded my plushie collection by A Lot this year. I have cute eevee plushes, and some really soft pillow plushes now, and beeb got me a little corsola who I would Die for.

I’ve been more involved with pokemon go. I technically found the group I play with at the end of 2018 (right at the end, it was in December during the community weekend and someone from the group saw me doing circles hitting the same pokestops over and over and was like “hey… wanna join our group?”), but 2019 was the first full year with them. It’s been really nice to reliably be able to get stronger/rarer pokemon and just have a general sense of community. It’s neat because it’s not like I’m close friends with any of these people, but they’re all good people and I like seeing them. I know virtually nothing about any of them, but still, it’s nice.

I also got super into stickers this year (I blame you, beeb) and since my laptop only has so much room I’ve taken to adding stickers to my car. I don’t want to go overboard but I love all the ones I’ve added so far and now that my bumper looks better than new I think my car looks pretty slick.

I started keeping a video-game journal at the beginning of this year, which has been really satisfying and I’m going to keep doing it. I always struggle to remember how much time I sink into games and what happens in this games. Being able to flip through and see all of what I played, when I played it, and what was going on is interesting.

Also got a new phone this year. I didn’t get the latest and greatest but usually when I’ve needed a new phone due to a previous one being busted I have found myself inheriting whatever phone someone else doesn’t want (for the most part). This is the first phone I’ve gone out of my way to get because mine was just not performing well and I have no regrets.

I have a huge issue with upgrading to a new device when my old ones are perfectly serviceable. For instance: the computer I am writing this on is twelve years old. It’s slow but it works for what I need. This computer isn’t even from the past decade, which is pretty wild to me. In thinking about the past decade this computer has been through it all with me.

I guess I’m moving onto the decade now. I was just thinking that this computer still has msn/wlm on it. There’s a dedicated button on my keyboard for it. I hit it and I can see the last icon I ever used on there (I used to change icons constantly, which is a thing I do not do anywhere anymore), as well as the theme I had in place. Absolutely wild. In the last decade(ish) we all abandoned msn/wlm, got skype, abandoned skype when it became a bloated, ad-filled disaster, and got onto telegram, discord, and the dms of various social media websites. (Which I suck at using as if I’m a person three times my age.) In 2010 we were on the iPhone 4 and basically every android sucked, now we’re on the iPhone 11 and androids are a viable option for a phone. Console generations are slower and mess with my perception of time. In the last decade we’ve only gone up one console generation which feels weirdly slow but then when I contemplate any company releasing a new console I inevitably feel it hasn’t been nearly long enough.

On a more personal note, I definitely cannot remember even most of the things that have happened in the last decade. I know I’ve read about five hundred books (closer to six hundred including graphic novels) because I’ve been tracking that since 2011. I’ve been tracking what I read for about a decade.

Left is books by year, middle is graphic novels by year, and right is the total of both.

I became decent at excel in the past few years. I went from not understanding this program at all to trying to find excuses to use it. I used to track all my reading in a notepad document, it looked like this:

As you can see: I only switched over in 2017. And it used to be a total pain because I would have to count all of the dates by hand. Hope I didn’t miscount. Then I’d be looking at my goodreads count and trying to figure out if that made sense against my personal count because I also didn’t count graphic novels as book-books back then and would sometimes mark them on goodreads. So I’d have to figure out how many I had inputted to goodreads to then make sure the two counts reconciled. It was a total nightmare. Now the computer counts for me.

And the reason I even became interested in excel is because of DnD which I have also gotten into in the last decade. It’s one of those things I had always been interested in but had no way to play or had false starts. A group came together a few years ago and we did some of the most fun, fulfilling, and emotional group-role-playing I have ever experienced. Our group has kind of disbanded now, and I’m trying to work on a campaign myself, but our first campaign is definitely one of the things I really cherish from the past few years. It’s definitely a highlight of the decade.

Speaking of meaningful role-plays. I got with my partner in the last decade, too. I’d feel weird getting all gushy about them here, but we’ve been doing written role-plays since before we figured out that we were a thing. They’re a constant source of inspiration to me and the things we create together are some of my favourite things in the world. At times there have been lulls between the things we make that really grab both of us, but this past year we started an AU of some of our characters and I think it’s safe to say we’re both in love with our little creation. Roach Squad is definitely the highlight of 2019 and I suspect it will continue to be the highlight of 2020. I don’t think we’ll be as aggressively into them by the time 2030 rolls around, but our original boys have persisted for the better part of the last decade (the Boys have been a thing since 2013 and we are still enjoying them, so I don’t doubt Roach Squad will persist, as well, but I imagine the next decade will give us a third group that we’re consumed with).

I’ve lost some friends in the past decade, and made some new, but find I don’t have the time to stay caught up with as many people as I used to. That used to be a thing I was good at. Toward the beginning of this decade, I’d regularly keep-up with at least a dozen people (by which I mean: talking to them daily). Now that number is at… maybe three or four people who I interact with daily (not counting group chats of which there is one). But if you’re reading this and we haven’t spoken in a while (“a while” could be years, honestly) and nothing really happened we just sort of stopped talking or hanging out: I still care about you. I hope your 2019 was more good than bad and that you have nice things to look back on in the last decade. Also hit me up, if you want to.

Overall I think the last decade has been pretty good. I’m thankful for all the good times with friends I’ve been able to have, all the sushi eaten and talks on long car rides. I’m thankful for the help I’ve gotten with housing and car situations that would have been outrageously stressful if I’d been dealing with them on my own. I’m thankful for all the creative people I’ve been able to meet and interact with, all the character ideas and moments we’ve shared through written role-plays, tabletop role-plays, and art.

 I hope the next decade can be as socially and creatively fulfilling as the last!

And at the end here, because I never do this and then I always look back and go “what even were my goals” I’m going to make a handy list of goals-discussed:

Draw one thing a month

Write for five minutes every day from an unplanned prompt

Read 100 books and continue with my one hour a day reading

Get my DnD campaign off the ground and keep it going (I don’t think I explicitly mentioned this above, but it’s a goal this year)

[noodledog]

Music for DND classes

This isn’t so much what the classes listen to (which I might make some day) and more music that exemplifies them. I’ve tried my best to not fall into the usual songs for each class cause like.... We don’t need a list of only the LOTR/GOT soundtracks.

Most of this is based off my own experiences with DND but some of it is just working off the wiki pages, oh well! Everyone’s characters are so different, it’s hard to distill a class to so little!

Since there are so many different subclasses (There are 18 for clerics!!!) I’ve decided to split each class into three; Standard (the archetypical figure), Legendary (Those that are more mystical leaning or overall high fantasy, think those who want to fight God vs standard adventurers) and Social (For those big on intrigue, seduction and diplomacy)

Thank you so much to @momnar and @plinzer for helping me find songs.

On to the music!

Barbarian

Standard: Your standard barbarian is a strong, rage fueled berzerker who decimates their foes in battle and probably isn’t the brightest bulb outside of it. As one can expect their music is usually loud, aggressive and bound to get your heart pounding. If they could rip the head off a deity, they would. Most of the time they’ll be played a bit goofy outside of battle.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Legendary: Totem barbarians are the most magical version of Barbarians in the game (I’m not entirely happy with this whole barbarian/totem connection, but take that up with Wizards of the Coast) They are more connected to nature with animal guides granting them additional strength in battle. They use their righteous anger to protect what is under attack or just at risk of being lost to ‘civilization’. They’re Momma Bears. Their music is more focused on traditional sounds and punk messages. That can be defending the environment, traditions or even people.

Example:  (X) (X) (X) (X)

Social: You want to play a barbarian in an intrigue game? Doesn’t sound like the smartest idea, until you realize that Barbarians may know obscure languages others don’t, and have the intimidating presence of a bull moose. Songs about them are more downplayed, full of the steady, long lasting burn that a grudge can hold.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Bard

Standard: Bards love to be the center of attention- but maybe not in battle with how squishy they are. As the most musical class, clearly just about any song fits with them, but even better if it’s bragging or insulting another!

Example: (X) (X) (X) (X)

Legendary: These bards will gather together a mob with their voices and insult Gods to their faces. Songs will be sung about them for ages (and they wrote most of them!)

Example: (X) (X) (X) (X)

Social: Social focused bards will tempt and trick others without them even realizing what is happening. They have friends and lovers everywhere, and a quick exit prepared for when something backfires. Their music is usually about getting along or getting into bed.

Example: (X) (X) (X NSFW warning!)

Cleric

Standard: Squishy. Praises God. Is the only one keeping you from dying. Stressed. Somebody save them. Expect spiritual music, and some calls to please get along, for once?

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Legendary: Will drag you right back from the dead so they can slap you. They have the power of god AND anime on their side. They are done with dancing around difficult situations and they WILL get it sorted out.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Social: I CAST ZONE OF TRUTH! Kindhearted but kind of a one trick pony when it comes to stepping in, and that’s mostly catching others doing the wrong thing and supporting others (emotionally or more often than not, by undoing curses and poisons).

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Druid

Standard: Hermits in the woods, lots of quiet ambient music with sounds of wildlife, or maybe some simple folk tunes than can be played alone with simple instruments. Pretty relaxed. (But we really know you just picked druid to shapeshift)

Example: (X) (X) (X) (X)

Legendary: You're gonna shapeshift into a dragon and nobody can stop you! Oh, and probably control the weather and become the Avatar, but DRAGON!

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Social: Druids are supposed to be hermits, but that never stops players. You're probably performing for the crowds as a dancing bear, or looking elegant by moonlight with a deer. Maybe making friends through 'Magical Herbs'. Think folk and Indie music.

Example: (X) (X)  (X) (X)

Fighter

Standard: Rough and tough fight boys (and girls and others) They hit stuff and they hit it well. Not afraid to get in a scrap and willing to protect their friends. Their music is simple, motivated and perfect to work out to.

Example: (X) (X) (X) (X)

Legendary: They have mastered the art of fighting! Arrows miss their marks, foe's armor is no obstacle, they lead a battle charge with a fearless yell. Punk, heavy metal, or just ol rock and roll is a good baseline to start from musically.

Example: (X) (X) (X) (X)

Social: Elegant fencers, charming folk heroes, a social focused fighter inspires others through their fighting skill. They're less likely to be on a battlefield as they are to be accepting a duel or scrapping in a bar with their friends by their side. Changing minds one fight at a time.

Example: (X) (X) (X) (X)

Monk

Standard: Meditative fighter with the sneaky ability to channel their chi or disrupt another’s. They have complete mastery over their body. Their music reflects their contemplative, inner-looking and martial arts background.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Legendary: Breaking the speed of sound and paralyzing foes. Pretty much the closest thing to an anime character.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Social: I haven't met any monks yet that were focused on the social game, they are supposed to be rather focused studious types after all, but the closest were those attempting to promote peace or distract a crowd with a demonstration of their skill. The focus is less on the music and more on the performance with the music.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Paladin

Standard: Often Lawful Good, the epitome of valorous conduct. Paladins are here to protect and smite with divine blessings on their side.

Example: (X) (X) (X -Vengance paladin, probably evil-aligned)

Legendary: If the gods are wrong, this paladin will do all in their ability to correct things with blinding, burning light. Possibly even ascending into godhood themselves.

Example: (X) (X) (X -For Broken Oath)

Social: The social focused paladin sees the good in all people and strives to change minds rather than smite evil. With a heavy focus on uplifting the downtrodden, bringing hope to the hopeless and shielding the vulnerable. Their music is about acceptance and strength.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Ranger

Standard: Look we know you just picked this for the animal companion. That you basically get to be Legolas is only a bonus. Think folk music. Something that can be played around a campfire by a solitary traveler.

Example: (X) (X) (X) (X)

Legendary: You can snipe just about anything and make friends with any animal (and maybe a few people, if you HAVE to)

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Social: Rangers are often individualistic, but I prefer to think of it as self-sufficient. They can live off the wilds by themselves, far from civilization, but give them a bit of companionship and they’ll be very glad for it. They might protect and guide others, but they won’t put up with stuffy personalities. Find some music that’s kind of awestruck and happy that they’ve got people with them, or heartbroken lonesome songs.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Rogue

Standard: You’re sneaky and that’s how you like it, squishy as you are. People will catch you humming the mission impossible theme at random moments, but you commit the biggest sin the most often: DON’T SPLIT THE PARTY.

Example:  (X) (X) (X) (X)

Legendary: People can’t hit what they can’t see. You also have a handful of spells up your sleeves to trick people or steal things at a distance. You’re essentially a living poltergeist.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Social: Be professional. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

Example:  (X) (X) (X)

Sorcerer

Standard: Sorcerer is just bursting with magic! You’re kind of show-off-y and this all comes naturally to you! But... Sometimes things get a bit out of control... You’re still working on finding that balance. Grab some tunes you can dance/groove to.

Example: (X) (X) (X) (X)

Legendary: You’ve tapped into your magical heritage to it’s fullest extent. You hardly even seem like a mortal anymore.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Social: EEEEEY WHO WANTS TO SEE ME SHOOT FIRE OUT MY ASS??! Party themes. It’s gonna get weeeeiiiird.

Example: (X) (X) (X) (X)

Warlock

Standard: Flunked out of Wizard school? Desperate for some power fast? Willing to have a sugar daddy? Try Warlock today! Bonus that you get to be spooky and pump out the most powerful spells, at the cost of having the magical stamina of an overweight pug. Have some spooky magical tunes that are really more about your patron than you.

Example: (X) (X) (X) (X)

Legendary: Somehow having next to no hp and only two spell slots didn't kill you! You're now ready to shape reality to your whims! (So long as you ask your patron first)

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Social: A social warlock is dripping with charisma, spying spells and hypnotic magic. Like a terrible child of bards and rogues, they'll control the social scene, but also like them they they better have an exit strategy if they get caught. Their music is charming, but also hypnotic.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Wizard

Standard: You wanted magic but you weren’t born with it. You didn’t cheat like SOME classes (warlock) and got your talents through diligent study and hard work. Think music to study to, especially classical.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Legendary: You’ve unlocked knowledge that nobody else has! You’ve pulled together science and magic to bend the world to your whims! Either you want to rule people, help people, or have them leave you alone for once.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Social: You can do MAGIC. Why aren’t people listening to you?! (You’re pretty much the fantasy equivalent of a University Graduate who’s working a minimum wage job. That’s why.) Your snark won’t help here.

Example: (X) (X) (X)

Bonus: The DM: (X) (X)

Bonus, for the whole group: (X)

[raccoon-anarchy]

I’ve realised that over the past year- and decade- that the greatest talent I’ve accrued is being able to drink a lot of booze. Maybe that’s just the comedown talking but it’s probably true. I want to do good things and have motivation but self motivation is actually so hard for me. Even the existential thing of knowing I’m going to die one day doesn’t motivate me. I think at that point it won’t matter what I did or didn’t do. I won’t know I ever existed. A wasted life would mean nothing in the end. But I’m living now and I gotta live with me now and I guess I need to be the person I want to be or hope to be, desire to be. I don’t know exactly what that means or will mean. I don’t know if I’m good enough of a student to actually be a psychologist, a good enough person to have long term friends, good hearted enough to love or be loved or deserve love, a good enough talker to be a charmer, a good enough writer to do that - which was one constant of my childhood. I just don’t know. I want to do something about all that though, right now while I lay on my friends couch trying to sleep for the twentieth time this month. I wonder if and for how long this pang of existential panic will last, and how long it might motivate me. Maybe it’ll be gone by morning. I also want to take acid, drink and smoke cigarettes. I wonder if I’ll allow myself to enjoy, really enjoy, the end of the decade, without the underlying anxiety about my uncertain personhood and future that I’m pretty sure has been haunting me for the last ten or so years and probably keeps me from doing the things I love, loving the things I’m doing or loving in general. I would like to enjoy the end of the decade. Relaxed. Drink, be happy or, rather, content. Maybe I’ll be blessed with a couple hours of contentment. Frankly those moments have happened, maybe more often than last year or the year before in fact. I want to stretch them out like a child playing with a rubber band going longer and longer until I can stretch it out between each outstretched arm by my finger tips, and slowly bring my hands together to touch gently, rather than snapping shut or appart completely. But I also don’t want to be a hedonistic gremlin. That would be counter intuitive, and I would worry about doing nothing with my life instead of enjoying it. Balance is part of what I need. Dedication and focus, joy and peace. Maybe I can have both. Both interwoven aspects of that rubber band, like a Möbius strip. Wouldn’t that be nice. I’ve been thinking about resolutions for new year, the new decade, not telling anyone just considering them quietly. Nothing has stuck out as relevant, none of those concrete goals that I have pondered have seemed possible or worth it. But balance, that Möbius strip rubber band, getting the balance right and stretching it out, and not hating myself when I fuck it up, not just giving it up, that might just be a good concept. And then everything else will fall into place. This will hopefully still be a possibility when I wake up. And I think a week from now I’ll reflect on it and see if it still fits. And the week after that. And the week after that. Let’s see...

I also think I’m dealing with a little bit of heartbreak. I’m thinking about Nancy less and less these days and I’ve settled on the fact that she never really liked me all that much and that’s okay. She’s sweet and smart and I hope we keep talking when we both can. But more pertinently, I didn’t really realise how much I liked Haley until I realised she had to go. Until she told me she wouldn’t dance unless I held her hand, until we sat and drank coffee on the car ride back, when she made me promise to keep her updated on the DND game, and to take care of myself. It was probably obvious, even earlier. It probably should have been obvious to me. When we stood on stage at work and just looked each other in the eye smiling, while we finished whatever we had to do before going back to work. Stuff like that. But it always felt like I was seeing myself from a distance just a little bit, like I wasn’t really real, or there. Like it wasn’t me falling- well falling in love is a bit bold- but growing feelings- but like I was watching it happen to someone else. She once said that whenever she thought she had me pinned as a person I’d do something new and she smiled and shook her head. She said the things I did in my spare time were super cool and when I said I couldn’t flirt because I only had three topics worth of interesting conversation she raised an eyebrow said that sounds good. I don’t think she liked me in any way like how I think I liked her. She’s just sweet like that, a lot of people said that, and I know of one person who definitely did have a crush on her. Maybe it was all just the pill I took that’s re colouring everything that happened but frankly I don’t think so. I think I should give myself a little more credit here. I just didn’t really realise, expect or want to. And not in a bitter way either. In the same vein of her not liking me like that, she was three years my senior, my freaking manager for most of the time I knew her and a little runaway- travelling all the time, been to almost every continent and I don’t think will ever be able to stop the wanderlust. She’s going to South America for two months then Canada for two years. She thought it was amazing that I had long term goals to teach round out my career at 60 something years old teaching psychology and that she wasn’t that well planned. I told her I thought it was amazing that she was doing what she loves, travelling all over the world to beautiful places and living. She also doesn’t know that the foundations of all my plans stand in went concrete, along with my whole character. Neither does anyone else. Maybe everyone feels like this sometime, or all the time, and this collection of feelings is nothing new. This is probably very true.

A little heartbreak is fair enough. It’s honest. A small, honest tragedy just for me. It’s good. I hope I see Haley again. Hopefully soon. I’m not holding my breath though. Go and wander, and I’ll be self indulgent and hope every now and then you’ll put on one of the playlists I made, the ones you liked, and spare a brief thought for me. I hope if I see you again you’ll be as happy as I remember you being and I hope we hug and maybe dance but only badly. I hope you wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m allowed this little feeling of self indulgence. It’ll be mine to keep and smile about. I don’t mind if you don’t share any of the other feelings I think I have, and I don’t mind if I don’t have them either if and when we meet again.

Is this what life is? People you care about coming and going? Like a passing breeze carries them away. And holding on to small indulgences. I wonder who holds small indulgences of me.

My phones almost dead.

This time next decade I’ll be thirty one and I wonder what kind of person I’ll be. That’s scary. I hope he’s a good one, I want him to be. We’ll build our Möbius strip together.

It’s three thirty eight am., New Year’s Eve 2019. want to go and have a smoke. I wonder if I’ll be the same person when I come back from it.

[bookenders]

11/11/11 Tag Game: Round... uh... 5, 6, & 7?

I got tagged by a bunch of people ( @quilloftheclouds is this how your 77 question one felt??) so here are a bunch of answers! I think this is the most I’ve ever talked about myself in my life. 

Good gracious, you’re all so nice and have such good questions.

Tagged by: @surroundedbypearls, @waterfallwritings, @bigmoodword, @sundaynightnovels

Rules: answer 11 questions, tag 11 people, give them 11 new questions!

[I’ve done this enough to be able to break the tag rules. Fight me.]

44 questions and answers below the cut!

But I’ll be nice and put my questions right here:

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

When do you title your WIPs? It is the first thing you do? The last? Does it come to you during drafting?

How many inside jokes do you put in your WIP(s)?

Your WIP’s antagonist is now The Riddler. How do your OCs handle that?

Do you use sticky notes?

Laptop or desktop?

Your OC is a wrestler. What’s their hype music?

Do you own any craft books/books on writing?

What’s your favorite book cover?

How many unread books do you have sitting around right now? Which are you most excited to maybe get to eventually some time?

How committed are you to your outline(s)?

Bilbo Taggins: Literally anyone, but also @francestroublr, @sahados-shadow, @a-story-im-writing, @bethkerring, @citruschickadee, @bos-ingit

If I’ve tagged you before, you can totally ignore this. In fact, I encourage you to.

From @surroundedbypearls:

What’s your favourite genre to write in and why? Literary fiction! It’s what I learned in university and the one that fits my themes best. Sci-fi is hard, I’m just getting into writing fantasy stuff, I can’t do thrillers, romance is hard for me, and historical is too much work.

Do you think you have a style/voice that you use more often in your writing? When did you develop that style? If you’ve read one of my stories, you know exactly how my writing voice sounds. It doesn’t change too much. I write like I talk, but if I had a lot more gravitas and charisma. Honestly, I’ve always had that kind of style, but it really developed in high school. It’s been getting stronger since then. It’s one of the things I always got comments about from my teachers and fellow workshop writers. “Your voice is so strong!” Yep. It’s mah thang.

Do you play video games? What’s your favourite? YES I DO. It’s hard to pick faves, but I’ve played Dragon Age: Origins too many times. 

If you were going to do a WIP crossover, which OCs would be most interesting together? (If you’ve only got one WIP crossover with something else) A crossover between H2H and AOPC? Interesting. I think Mel and Keema would get along the best, Oz would have some fightin’ words for Elder Sanga, and Gemma and Teva would be a force to be reckoned with, my god. Two stubborn nerds who believe totally different things but are also very determined to be very good at what they want to do and love their communities to a fault? Fear them.

Do you prefer to plan WIPs in a document or through handwritten notes? I used to do it by hand but I couldn’t read it because my handwriting is terrible and I kept losing papers. I do it in docs now. Much easier to organize and incredibly legible.

Do you multiple languages exist in your WIP? If so how do you address that in the story? H2H is set in the “real world,” so yep. It hasn’t been addressed too much yet, but I have a way for tackling languages. I’ve written multilingual-ish stories before. I never write phonetically and use hella context clues so the reader knows the gist of what was said if another character doesn’t translate.

What’s your favourite animated film that’s not Disney or Pixar? AN AMERICAN TAIL. All of them. It’s on Netflix go watch it and marvel at the way a kids movie talks about Jewish immigration, poverty, and cultural oppression via mice. As a young Jewish child, this movie was my jam. It’s very dark, though.

Do your real-life surroundings influence your WIP’s settings? Nope! One time I tried to write a story set in the same area where I lived and I couldn’t do it. Too weird. Sometimes I’ll write in an item I see near me, or like, a painting or poster on the wall if I need some set decoration, but that’s about it.

Which OCs would be most likely to break the fourth wall? Oz. Lookin’ at the camera like he’s in The Office.

How do you work out your OCs’ personalities? Hm. I look at the story I’m trying to write and make a protagonist that would have the most interesting experience in that narrative. For H2H, I wanted someone who would be loyal as heck to the people they loved while still being experimental enough to try new things and get into shenanigans. The story called for someone like that, and there she was. Mel came about my thinking of someone who would compliment other characters in the story while still being their own person. If that makes sense. I think of dynamics and interactions with the story world in relation to the theme(s). Most of the time they just happen, though.

Do you prefer worldbuilding or character building? Character building! As much as I like making stories about places, making characters is more fun for me, and more interesting. You should see all the DnD character sheets I have. 

From @waterfallwritings:

1. How do you come up with ideas for your WIPs?

At random. Seriously. It’s like my brain has to be running something in the background to function normally, and usually that something is whatever story I happen to be working on. Or I’ll look at a thing and go “huh.” My brain also likes to twist normal things to be a little bit different.

2. How do you get past gaps in the plot?

No idea, man. It’s like throwing spaghetti at a wall. I like to work backwards. If this is what I want to happen, what needs to happen before that to ensure that it occurs? I look at all the elements currently in the story and see if one can be manipulated to fill in the hole.

3. What motivates you to keep writing?

If I don’t, my brain gets all constipated and angry until I write something down. Like, seriously, I get grumpy and frustrated like I’m hangry or something. Aside from physical need, I love writing. I love word puzzles and feelings puzzles and figuring them out. Sometimes I think of how my stories could help someone, or make them feel something that they enjoy. 

4. Do you do any other kind of creative writing?

Oh, man, I’ve done it all. Screenwriting, playwriting, poetry, video game-ish writing, interactive storytelling, short stories, flash fiction, proposals, essays, DnD campaigns, monologues... You name it, I’ve probably tried it. I tend to stick to prose and poetry these days.

5. Do you have any other creative hobbies besides writing?

I’ve gotten into graphic design a little bit. I kind of wanna learn how to knit again. I’m not really very crafty. 

6. What do you do when you’re stuck on a scene and don’t know how to get it out / write it?

Write a different scene, stare at the screen in frustration until I give up and go to sleep, meditate for a few minutes, go do something else to get my mind off of it, clean, work on a different project.

7. How do you decide how to end your WIP?

I mean, see the next question for part of my answer. How did I decide to end H2H? My friend, that’s a big ‘ole spoiler. But I decided to end it at a place where everything, and everyone, comes together.

8. When in the process of writing do you decide how its going to end? Or do you kind of just wait til you get there?

Right at the beginning. If I don’t know where it’ll end, I have a hard time writing the arc. I work backwards: start with the idea, then think of where I want it to end up, then work back to the beginning until I know where its going, then start writing.

9. Why did you decide to join writeblr?

My reasons are pretty personal, but the least personal is that I needed some accountability and motivation. And I missed being in a good writing community.

10. What’s your favourite food?

Pasta! I’m eating spaghetti right now.

11. If you had to kill off a character in your WIP, who would it be and why?

Oz would be the most tragic. Treena would be the most logical. 

From @bigmoodword:

1. using one sentence summaries, can you tell me about your wips?

Nerdy potion woman meets cute odd stranger who helps her solve magic mysteries in their quirky small town.

2. what inspired them?

I saw a zine accepting submissions for magic stories, then an open call for queer shifter stories, and thought “what if wholesome magical lesbians?”

3. which of your ocs do you most identify with?

Gemma!

4. if you’ve ever cried while reading, which book cued the waterworks?

THE SONG OF ACHILLES.  My God, my soul was weeping. Honestly, it still is. Doesn’t matter that I knew the story from the Iliad. Madeline Miller is a feelings wizard.

5. how do you conduct research for your wips and what’s the most interesting thing you’ve discovered in said research?

On an as-needed basis. I used to do way too much research to avoid actually writing the damn thing, so now I only do it when I actually run into a problem that can be solved by Google.

6. thus far, which scene has been the most difficult to write?

The ones that aren’t hugely emotional. Which is... unfortunate.

7. which of your ocs do you like the least?

Rude. On a personal level, Jill. I love her, but I would not be friends with her. We wouldn’t mesh at all.

8. which pov and tense do you prefer to write in?

Third person limited present tense! To the bane of everyone who’s ever edited my work.

9. do you write poetry?

I do! Not often, though.

10. who is your writing role model?

My freakin’ writing professor from college. He is crazy disciplined.

11. if you could give your younger writer self some advice, what would it be?

Hey, you know those people who say your writing is too dark? Yeah, they suck and they’re wrong. They just want kids to live up to their expectations and write happy sunshiny stories about unicorns and dinosaurs having ice cream. And you’re not depressed because you wrote that one sad poem one time and someone asked if you were depressed. What you have is called feelings and they’re very useful for a writer, nay, a human, to have.

From @sundaynightnovels:

Who is your biggest role model? Okay, so I got crap all the time in grade school for never having a role model, and I still don’t have one. The teachers were concerned about me. But my reasoning was, “why should I want to live someone else’s life?” Yeah. They didn’t really know what to do with that...

What are your OCs favorite foods? Sort of answered here!

Which OC is most afraid of the dark? Oz and Mary!

What made you want to start a writing blog/participate in the writeblr community? Answered above!

Did you sleep with a stuffed animal as a kid? Do you still? I did, indeed. I don’t anymore, but I have two that I shuffle around my room when they get in the way. One is a highland cow I got in Scotland (he has a plaid hat), the other is a blue whale I got at the Museum of Natural History in NY.

Do you like donuts? I love donuts. Especially jelly filled ones. Mmm.

Do/would your OCs like donuts? All of my OCs like donuts. I don’t think Mel has ever had a modern one, though.

What is your least favorite food? Cauliflower? I’m the household taste-tester, so there’s been a lot of stuff I don’t like.  ( @sundaynightnovels I hate sparkling water, too, you’re not alone!)

What is your ideal writing environment? Comfy seating, a chair with no arms (stupid elbows), alone, plenty of chosen beverage within reach, headphones.

Favorite line from your WIP? So far, it’s this one!

Favorite quote from a book? Oh, man. There are so many. From recent memory, here are a few: “’Give it time,’ she replies. ‘It won’t be a story forever.’“  and “Everyone has heard stories of women like us, and now we will make more of them.” (both from The Ladies Guide to Petticoats and Piracy) “When he smiled, the skin at the corners of his eyes crinkled like a leaf held to flame.” and “I lean forward and our lips land clumsily on each other. They are like the fat bodies of bees, soft and round and giddy with pollen.” (I could write a goddamn essay about the imagery in this scene.) (It is quite possibly my favorite description of a kiss ever. And the metaphor extends through the rest of the scene so artfully ugh.) (both from The Song of Achilles) “The thing about a story is that you dream it as you tell it, hoping that others might then dream along with you, and in this way memory and imagination and language combine to make spirits in the head.” (from The Things They Carried)