#sometimes people just fall out of friendships
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I find it dissapointing that people say that Anne was the victim, she's a poor baby that got betrayed and she's some sort of perfect angel who is the only perfect charachter in Amphibia absolute no flaws when she's not.
She made Sasha do the decisions for her, showed absolutely zero attention to Marcy when it comes to her own interests and unintentionally cuts her off and made her feel neglected and enabled their bad behavior and sometimes even indulged in it, Not only because she wanted to please them but also she wants to "go with the flow" and just whatever makes her feel safe and secured.
Like, are we watching the same show? That's literally the point of season one. Anne learns to make decisions for herself and for the sake of sprig and polly because back then she let Sasha do all the decisions for her like in the first episode. Hop pop shows that he's not going to take Anne's laziness and this all makes her step out of her comfort zone.
That is the point of all the calamity trio's charachter arcs, to improve, redeem, forgive and heal from their mistakes and internal conflict and improve a friendship where they don't have to hide things, don't have to pressure eachother and without being so codependent. All three contributed to the friendship's fall and all three also contributed to the friendship's rise.
#amphibia#marcy wu#anne boonchuy#sasha waybright#sashannarcy#amphibia anne#amphibia marcy#amphibia sasha#calamity trio#calamity girls#made this on april 2022 btw and at 6 in the morning too what was happening LMAO#i still stand w my point tho coming from an anne kinnie
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couples quiz
summary: you and marcello are the featured guests on the upcoming episode of the GQ "couples quiz." requested by anonymous. marcello x female!singer reader. this ended up being quite long, but i hope you enjoy! <3
“and there we go! you look stunning.” your makeup artist said to you.
“thanks to you.” you smiled at them. you were on set with GQ, getting ready to film a video with them. they’d invited you and marcello you partake in one of their “couples quiz” videos, and the two of you jumped at the opportunities.
you were led to the set, taking your seat as you waited for marcello to join you. he smiled at you has he walked over to you, pressing a kiss to your cheek before taking his seat across from you.
“you guys ready?” the producer asked, and you both nodded.Â
“so ready.” you said with a smile, as some members from the crew handed you your question cards.
they counted down, and began rolling, you and marcello putting on your best faces and beginning the video.
“hey there, i’m y/n l/n,”
“and i’m marcello hernández,”
“and this is the GQ couples quiz.” you said in unison.
“alright, who wants to start?” you asked.Â
“ladies first.” marcello said with a smile.
“well then, alright.” you settled the question cards in your hands, reading him the first one. “okay, this is a simple one to get us started. what is my favorite nickname for you?” you asked.Â
“you call me cello a lot. or cellito, if you’re feeling flirtier than normal. but you’re also very heavy on the babe or baby. sometimes honey, which i personally love.”
“hmm, good to know.” you laughed before moving on to the next question. “oh, this is a good one. what was the first song i ever played for you?”
“i don’t want to give too much away, because as far as i know, it’s unreleased, yeah?” he asked, and you nodded.
“it is.”Â
“but, i can say that you wrote it shortly after we made it official. so, almost four years ago. and, it’s about me.” he said, with a smirk to the camera.
“that is correct. at this point, i’m not sure i wanna release it, and instead just keep it between the two of us.” you said to the camera. you then moved on to the next question. “what is my favorite date we’ve been on?”Â
“ooh, i know this one real well, because you tell this story all the time to people we meet.” he laughed, and you blushed. “it was when we were first dating, we were both in LA for work, and had coinciding days off. i took you to griffith park, we had a picnic, and we made friendship bracelets for each other with our initials on them. then, after lunch, we drove up mulholland, parked at one of the overlooks, and laid on the hood of our car while we watched the sunset over the city. it was very romantic. that was the night i asked you to be my girlfriend.”Â
“i never told you this, but i’m sure i was already falling in love with you at that point. it was only like, a month or so after we started hanging out and talking, but i was already locked in.”Â
“honestly, so was i.” marcello said, echoing your sentiment with a smile.
“next question; what is my favorite sketch of yours?”Â
“you always tell me you have multiple favorites, and they change like, every month.” he laughed before answering.
“that is true, but i do have one all time favorite. one that i, without question, would top tier marcello sketches. and we’re not talking update features, because i love all of those. just live sketches.” you explained.
“okay, that helps me a bit. i’m gonna go with either fusion scientist, or the age of discovery.” he said.
“it is fusion scientist, but i’m only gonna give you half a point because you hesitated.”
“aw man.” he laughed.Â
“although, i do also love the age of discovery. there’s something about fusion scientist that just always gets me. i had genuine tears in my eyes the first time i watched it, and am still bitter it was cut for time.” you clarified.
“that one was really fun to perform. it was so ridiculous and goofy, but i loved it.” he explained.Â
“and thats why i love it too.” you said. “alright, next question. oh, this is a good one; what is my favorite gift you’ve given me?” you finished the question, and watched his eyes flit to your hands, landing on your ring finger on your left hand. he reached out to you, and you placed your hand in his, smiling as he pressed a kiss to the ring.
“this right here.” he said as you held your hand out to the camera for a close up. “i got you that ring on our first anniversary. it’s our birthstones in a heart shaped setting.”Â
“not only is it my favorite gift you’ve given me, but i think it’s my favorite gift i’ve ever gotten, ever.” you said. you finished out your questions, tallying up marcello’s score. “alright, we are sitting at a nice round 20 points.” you said to the camera.Â
“well, good for me.” he said with a laugh. “alright, my turn. first up, what sports did i play growing up?” he asked you.
“soccer was your main sport, and you played it throughout high school and college. but you also played baseball, and dabbled in golf, and sometimes fishing?”
“wow. yes to all of those. um, i don’t think i want to play this game anymore.” he laughed.Â
“hey, we’re only one question in. don’t get too discouraged.”
“next question; who has been my favorite host to work with so far on snl?”
“either pedro or benito.” you answered, and he nodded. “those were really big episodes for you, and i know you had a good time getting to write and work on pretty good sketches during those episodes.”Â
“those were both really good, and i enjoyed them both a lot. but, if i had to pick, i would pick benito over pedro.”
“oh, tea.” you gasped through a laugh.
“only because of the age of discovery sketch. that sketch being entirely in spanish, and all the love we got on it, it made me really proud. pedro was also part of that episode, so that still counts.” he explained. “what is my favorite food?” he asked.
“anything cuban or dominican. chuletas, tostones, literally anything else. you’re very easy to please.” you answered immediately. “c’mon give me a challenge.”
“yeah i should’ve skipped that one.” he laughed. “next one. oh, here’s a good one. what was i wearing on our first date?”
“you were wearing a dark blue cardigan, over a white t-shirt, with blue jeans, and white sneakers.” you answered. “i had a picture of us from that night as my phone wallpaper for a long time, it’s practically burned into my brain at this point.” you said. “do you remember what i was wearing?” you asked him
“you were wearing a black, like, lacy top, with a white skirt and black platform loafers.”Â
“actually,”
“what?!” he said loudly, feigning offense.
“no, i’m just kidding. that was right.” you laughed.
“i was about to be so mad.” he laughed. “alright, next one; where was our first kiss?” he asked.
“our first kiss was on the beach in miami. you were home, visiting family and some friends. you asked if i wanted to come see you, and of course, being as down bad as i already was, i immediately jumped on a plane with zero hesitation. we had just finished lunch, and we were hanging out on the beach near where you grew up. we were sitting there in silence, listening to the waves crash on the shore, when we turned to each other, and we kissed. i remember it being really awkward, and us almost missing?”
“i do remember that as well.” he laughed. “but look at us now, so it must not have been too terrible.”
“it was a first kiss, so you kinda expect it to be awkward. but it was good in the long run.” you said, and marcello nodded, smiling at you. before continuing through the next couple of questions.
“alright, i think this is my last one.”
“and, not to brag, but i am only one point behind you.” you said, raising an eyebrow at him.
“well, then this will count for two points.” he said, clearing his throat. “which one of us made the first move?”
“you did.”
“wow, that was fast.”
“you did! we were at an snl after party, after dua lipa’s episode. which, i was invited to by her, by the way.” you said, matter-of-factly. “we were both at the bar, waiting for our drinks, and made small talk. we hung out for a bit, and by the end of the night, you were already asking for my number. barely two days later, you were asking me to go out.”Â
“and you accepted without hesitation.”Â
“well, yes, but this isn’t about me.” you teased, and marcello rolled his eyes at you.
“well, that was my last question. our final scores are 21 to 20, y/n only getting extra points because i played multiple sports growing up.”Â
“and for that, i thank you.” you laughed.
you filmed the outro for the video, saying good bye and thanking the future audience for watching. there was a loud “CUT!” from behind the camera, and the producers and crew were thanking you and marcello for such a fun episode.
“thanks for having us! this was a lot of fun.” marcello said, and you nodded in agreement. the two of you headed out to your car, making your way to a nearby restaurant for lunch. you got your food, and sat down at a table, replaying the events of the afternoon.Â
“we should do more things like that. i know we pride ourselves on having quite a private relationship, but it was a lot of fun.” marcello said to you.
“it was! but i feel like youre just suggesting that so you can redeem yourself and let the people know that you know me better than i know you.” you said to him.Â
“no, why would you ever think that?” he said sarcastically. you just laughed and shook your head. the two of you finished your lunch, enjoying your meal and being with each other. truthfully, marcello knew you better than you knew yourself, and vice versa. and that made you happier than you could ever put into words.
#marcello hernandez#marcello hernandez imagine#marcello hernandez imagines#marcello hernandez x reader#marcello hernandez x f reader#snl#saturday night live
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Hey! If you are still accepting requests, could you possibly do some Charles and Lenny friendship headcanons or one shot? An underrated duo
I am :D This was fun to write! A true "we are not enemies but I don't fw your vibes" to "excuse me Charles did not want pickles on his burger" arc.
Everyone does the LENNYYY joke but anytime I read his name I can only hear this one lyric I misheard as "KENNY!" from I Know You're Fucking Someone Else. (Worst discovery ever: it's "hickey.")
Their horses were friends first. Taima can chill with the best of them, and Maggie is much more reserved than her owner. They drift off now and then from the others to eat grass together. And ain't that darnedest thing? Charles thinks Taima is a decent judge of character, and that how well a man takes care of his horse says a lot about him. Otherwise, he'd probably not have entertained Lenny for very long.
It is a struggle to get to know one another. That first wall is always the toughest to tear a hole in with someone as reserved as Charles, so Lenny doesn't stop trying. He sees how the man gets along with Arthur and John, and he wants at least a hello out of him now and then, too. He also prefers to be on good terms with people, and he suspects Charles despises him for some reason he can't grasp. Unfortunately, he just kinda looks like he hates everyone. (Charles also isn't too fond of him, but that's besides the point.)
After the first genuine conversation, things get smoother. It was pure luck catching Charles on a chatty day — meaning he nodded a greeting instead of ignoring him — in which everything seemed to be going wrong within camp. Though he usually remains optimistic and lighthearted, Lenny's serious side is much more Charles' speed. They have a good talk about where things are going and where they've been, why exactly Miss Grimshaw is like that, why Swanson is like that, and where all the money in the world seems to go.
They're more like brothers than friends, and Lenny's age shows often, if you ask Charles. Every time they speak, he's shooting down some big idea or fighting for his life to understand a joke. It's tiring, but, well... it's Lenny. He isn't sure how or when he got to the point of dismissing things as that's just Lenny, but he's starting to feel a little protective of him. Worse, sometimes he feels proud to see him pulling off the stunts he does for the gang.
Lenny's youth does show, truthfully. Fresh off his teenage years, he's done believing that he has his head sorted out. Usually, he ends up talking to Hosea about worries like his future. Charles' general, on-the-surface apathy (read: fear) towards that big question is put in jeopardy any time the subject comes up, whether it's because something's happened or just an occasional nineteen-year-old crisis. After a few awkward trail offs, he finally admits he doesn't know what the Hell he's doing either, and Lenny feels infinitely better that he's not the only one. Without realizing it, he'd started looking up to Charles. Which, of course, he's going to balance out by poking him with a proverbial stick later. Or maybe a real one.
The first time Lenny goes hunting with Charles, the rest of their respect for one another falls into place. He pays attention and does it well, which shocks Charles a little despite his increasingly positive opinions of him. He's a fast learner, and he actually gives a damn about listening to him despite all the teasing he does day-to-day. Lenny finds himself enjoying getting more than a few sentences out of Charles, especially over a skill he takes pride in.
#red dead redemption 2#charles smith#rdr2#lenny summers#sfw#headcanon#rdr2 headcanons#charles smith rdr2#fluff#In another life they are hitting the gym then binging out on McDonald's#It's McD's because Lenny didn't know where he wanted to eat and Charles started tweaking out and pulled into the first drive thru
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God, am I glad Woolie and Pat are still such good friends đź’ź
#my heart broke in two when the zaibatsu disbanded back in 2018#i didn't learn much about the falling-out until very recently#i'm not pointing fingers in any direction#sometimes people just fall out of friendships#but i'm glad there wasn't a complete split#i'm glad matt has liam and i'm glad pat has woolie#woolievs#woolie versus#pat stares at#patstaresat#castle super beast
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God dude these two scenes and how roxie moves hurt my heart so so bad 🥹
it's like a mix of anger, feral, emotional breakdown, and complete sadness that just fucks me up soooo fucking bad.
it's like she's a pet who got abandoned by their owner but they see them again after years of sadness and depression of them being gone and leaving them like that and all that anger and sadness just manifest's into one bundle of emotion's towards them they cannot control.
roxie baby ur gonna be okay u deserve better :[
#scott pilgrim vs the world#scott pilgrim#scott pilgrim spoilers#scott pilgrim takes off#roxie richter#ramona flowers#its the fucking fact throughout that whole scene after the hammer she just starts going COMPLETELY feral and just bawl her eyes out#throughout the whole irl fight until the movie shelf falls on them 🥹#can she like#get a hug or something i get her so so much i get u gurl im so sorry u gotta go through this#this episode really just#shows how important closure is for a relationship/even a friendship#like of course it depends on the person and the relationship but man.#People don't realize how important it is to not just leave a person behind like that without explanation but instead give them closure about#it and telling them how you feel.#it really is as simple as that sometimes...and i think people forget that and just wanna ghost/leave as fast as possible#to not deal with the emotions of the situation.#Like both roxie and ramona finally just talking about the situation does sm for their future as friends and i loveeee ittt#so so much better then the comics version off them I feel like this is PERFECT.#again obviously theres just some situations where talking just doesnt work and you both just have to move on.#but when theres situation's like roxie and ramona? talking is needed.#talking/closure is so so important guys remember that when its needed. <3
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Playdate in peril, the homosexual thoughts be upon ye.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#MDZS#poorly drawn mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#lan xichen#I subscribe more to the belief that LXC saw an opportunity for his brother to make a friend his age than him wanting to play matchmaker#in his perspective wwx is clearly going out of his way to *try* and interact with his little brother#and he reads the signs that lwj isn't objecting to it#sometimes you gotta facilitate a friendship between people by setting them up to hang out on a lake together!#how was he supposed to know the levels of tension between the two?#If it were not for the several feet of cursed water between them they would be fighting with fists not words#wwx has incepted a thought into lwj and its not going away!#dear god i hope the boy you like doesn't fall into the water and you have to pull his sopping wet body into your arms#It took every ounce of restraint in me to not pull a quote from the linked song#so now its just a bonus for people who like to click links#I have to continue the pre flashback joke somehow#lets make it soft canon in this comic that wwx has been humming and singing boat drinks the entire time they've been out on the water
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yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.
to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naĂŻve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!
i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.
also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.
they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.
they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.
i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.
#eve text#elmike#stranger things#byler#only tagging byler because i feel like yall will like this take lol#tagging tagging tagging WHAT ARE EVERYONE ELSE'S THOUGHTS#god i can't believe i'm making a post about stranger things. this feels like poking a bear#i'm not particularly anti m*leven but like... they'd have to do something pretty special at this point for me to feel like it's viable#i'm seeing the bts of s5 and it's got me Having Thoughts#elmike friendship is something i am so passionate about#even before i ever liked byler (didn't ship at all until s4 even though i knew it was a thing before) i've felt this way about elmike#i always believed they were close friends at heart and needed to break up#the romance part of them felt very distinctly young and very much “he was a boy she was a girl” to me#and it hasn't deepened into anything more mature and i don't see how it could based on the current state of the writing...#the fact that lumax exists — a young relationship that is actively maturing and is healthy — makes that clear to me#and the “love confession” in s4 and how disingenuous and miserable it felt was just the nail in the coffin#also the fact that will (who is IN LOVE with mike) was instrumental in making it happen? ... uh... okay... interesting choice…#fucked up and reductive if they make it another queer unrequited love sacrifice for the sake of pushing the heterosexual agenda YUCK#so i really hope the speculation about a m*leven breakup is real!! i think it just makes sense for their characters but who knows#i don't believe in the notion of love at first sight or one true love and i think the writers don't too???#love to me is an accumulation of experiences and we inevitably choose it at some point rather than fall into it... but idk#tv is so fixated on keeping couples together... sometimes it's just not reality guys especially with young people... LET IT GO...#like i said though i'm not 100% sold that they're going to give up their “golden couple” LMAO#stranger things hasn't historically subverted too many tropes if i'm being honest#anyway i seriously need this season to come out quickly... i'm so bored and getting my master's is crushing my soul#i need frivolity#ALSO btw i won't respond to hateful messages about this so please don't bother. it's not that serious. this is a netflix show
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alhaitham is such a lying liar who lies dude. acting like he and the sumeru boys gang have always been besties since forever. "that's how it's always been with the four of us" - man who has barely spoken to most of these people before he decided to team up with them to overthrow the government and regularly skips social gatherings with them. yeah right buddy ok
#explicitly said that he's barely spoken to cyno before when they clash in the archon quest#will literally just skip or show up late when they do meet up#very notably had a huge falling out with kaveh that ended with them not speaking for years#does he even talk to tighnari?? like one on one???? do they hang out????#i stg kaveh and tighnari are the glue holding the whole situation together#the other 2 are just off to the side being autistic#well cyno actually tries to be social alhaitham doesnt give a fuck lmao#alhaitham after speaking to people that do not annoy him about once a month: 'hmm. i love my best friends'#he adopted a status quo and now simply pretends there has never been a different one#hes so fucking funny#genshin fans who try to make him some kind of big dick sexyman you are so wrong hes a silly goofy clown to me#on a more serious note i do actually much prefer the interpretation of this being a friendship they formed as adults#and everyone involved has different levels of closeness with each other#rather than making them all mutual best friends with each other (even since school sometimes). i think thats a lot more interesting#and canon is weirdly ambiguous about it so shrug#like the current friend groups as it is seems to be a relatively recent formation based on canon bits but then the writers lean into it#so hard as their Thing its a bit odd. but also fun to play with. they dont need to have always been friends to be close
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Euugghhhh
#Im going to bash my head into a wall I swear#Fucking. 'Keep your friends seperate' stop telling me this#Stop telling me that I like my friends getting along#'But they will decide to cut you out' 'They'll talk behind your back' can you. Shut up#Stop this fucking mentality that friend groups are bad#Friend groups end sometimes oh no people grow and change and fall out#That doesnt make it inheritly bad to have groups of friends#Fucking isolation ass fear tactics. Stop telling me to keep my friends seperate.#I have such a hatred for advice I didn't fucking ask for. You hate paranoia sufferers#Don't tell people shit they aren't ready to hear. Bitch. I didn't ask#Just let me love my friends. Together. Am I not allowed to love my friends.#I don't want to spend the next on and off week paranoid about my friendships. Again.
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.
#Ignore me#4 months is quickly coming up... 4 months since Alec died#Every moment of every day I'm at a loss for what to do#And how to behave#Keeping myself busy at work is nice. I have#To be forced to use my brain other ways and do things#But by the end of the day I'm so unbelievably exhausted#I'm just masking as a happy-okay person.#I spend the quiet time at work rotating this new reality#It's exhausting to pretend to be okay#But what else am I supposed to do?#It's not fair to the people around me to constantly be on the brink of crying.#To be sad and quiet and idk. I don't want their pity or sad looks#But sometimes I do just wanna scream#I don't always want to hear about their recent adventures#I want to curl up in a ball because my regrets are eating me from the inside out#I fucked up an important part of my life because I'm a coward and#I was juggling too many trashfires in my life to deal with the messy place#We left our friendship. I thought there was time. There should've been time.#A whole lifetime to figure it out. Make things worse. Make things better.#To be happy#And now he's dead and none of it matters#I'm supposed to live the rest of my life now#I don't know how to do that anymore#Nothing feels right or real#Every atom of my being keeps raging against the truth#He's gone#The sweet boy that would make me laugh... share my love of myth & language...#Carry me bridal style... kiss every inch of my face... kiss the palm of my hand#And then hold it to his chest to fall asleep....
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turns out having all your friends abandon you and be mean to you after coming out uh.... takes a while to get over......
#i feel like i am bad at friendships that dont require near daily in person interaction and i reallllllly dont wanna ba#i feel kinda afraid that im annoying which like#maybe i am a bit and i know that shouldnt stop me and its okay to be a little annoying or weird when trying to start a new friendship#idk please g-d dont let me fall down an isolationist pit x.x#i dont think i will but like#and texting is soooooo hard like#do i just constantly update about my day like there is no flow or it feels artificial like i have to try superrrrrr hard to keep a convo#but irl i can go for hours and hours and hours#problem number two is that i am absolutely reallllllly bad at asking people to hang out my brain is always like#if they wanna hang theyll ask and like maybe sometimes!! but i wanna hang and im not asking so whats up!!!!#anyway sorry long rant with no resolution
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happy new years to myself. and my weird online friends and mutuals
#this past December has been hell for me honestly.#i hope 2024 isnt as bad#ugh hold on i just need to recap this past year in the tags#the start of 2023 sucked a lot for me. i almost killed myself!!!#april-october was pretty good. i had some weird spark of motivation in terms of art all that time and it didnt even break once#and then november-december sucked too because of a falling out with certain friends and then december has been a dystopian nightmare and#family related problems going on too#honestly the whole year has had a lot of ups and downs To Be Honest#im sure 2024 isnt going to be any better but heres to hoping i guess#another edit to the thing about the friends falling out. they recently invited me back to the “”“Group Chat”“” for new year eve and#ive realized that just being around those people is so mind numbingly absurd#sometimes i realize that I AM NOT OBLIGATED TO BE AROUND PEOPLE I DO NOT LIKE FOR THE BENEFIT OF MAINTAINING FRIENDSHIPS.#like i should have realized this long ago that. some people you might be friends with/were friends with are just bad and annoying people!#i am not obligated to talk to stay with them for whatever reason they want me there for#UGH please you are not obligated to read this and TBH i should have just posted this to my alt
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why can't people let me be happy why do they always have to attempt to get in my head and try to convince me in unlovable and love and overinvest in other people too much literally fuck you and fuck you for getting in my head because now idk if they're right
#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#my mom just suddenly out of nowhere asks me *would any of your friends drop everything for you if you asked*#and i said yeah and she sounded so unconvinced#FOR NO REASON LITERALLY#and shes not the only one why do people love trying to poke holes into my completely healthy friendships#i don't do it for your much worse falling apart romantic relationships#and now i feel like shit for no reason#a part of me just wants to stop trying but i would only be hurting myself and proving her right#on the other hand if she's right then me not trying for once wouldn't mean everyone ditches me#but i don't want to do that it's pointless#except it's not but whatever#i hate people sometimes like let me. be. happy.#im just going to sleep#ugh i have driving tomorrow
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Every day I grow closer to throwing my phone into the river and when I do I won’t fucking regret it
#i have been. dodging scams all morning#i don’t have any fucking money please just leave me alone#my friendships have been rotten to the fucking core#my mind poisoned#what the fuck is the point in having a smartphone when a fliphone still lets people contact me but doesn’t fucking make my life worse#not that I could afford a flip phone anyway. or service. why would someone want to scam me specifically when I posted my account overdrafted#you can SEE I don’t have money why do you BOTHER#SCAM SOMEONE RICH YOU FUCKIN MORON#alas that the desperate make for such easy targets for the heartless#it’s been so hard to keep going and every day for two months something has happened to convince me it isnt fuckin worth it like its ONLY bad#but god or fate keeps dangling juuuust enough hope in front of me that I keep going. it’s been like that for eight years#and I’ve fallen apart in that time completely. my hair is gone and my teeth will be gone soon too#my bones and joints will follow suit they’re already deformed and weak#the ringing in my ears only gets louder. i haven’t known the familiar peace of silence in years and it’ll only ever get further#and I’ll never afford the medical or psychological care to actually help those things#why bother??? I’ll keep bothering out of spite and stupid foolish hope but I still don’t fucking know why I bother when it never gets better#and it might not! hope is called hope for a reason sometimes shit just doesn’t work out#i could suffer on for abother year or five just to have it all fall apart even more. no payout#hell does exist on earth for some people. if I die and there wasn’t ever joy enough to outweigh everything then my hell was real all along#and I will have been fuckall stupid enough to suffer it for years instead of dying in high school like I planned. or college. or after.#so many times life pushed me to the edge and I crawled back just for things to get worse. every time#and still I hold onto my hope like it’s all that ever mattered. and if life turns out that way maybe it’ll be all that ever did#false ​hopes and a terribly misplaced heart#fate willing we all find peace
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#one of the things i have loved so much about falling headfirst into this lone star obsession is just.... this show is full of poc#full of it#most of the main cast is people of color like i don't even know how to articulate what that means to me#none of the other shows i've watched in so long can say that#and it's just like#every time grace and tommy have a scene or marjan gets a storyline or nancy is on my fucking screen i'm emotional#especially grace and tommy like seeing how much time the writers have dedicated to their friendship it's just like#usually shows will have like one woc and she'll mostly be treated like shit#this show has four amazing beautiful spectacular women that are just like. everything to me#and paul carlos and mateo also just#believe me i do wish screentime was more balanced between all of the characters but even this is so much#because it's really truly rare#something i've wanted for a very long time is shows w poc in the main cast where the storylines aren't just about racism or racial trauma#i fully understand the need for those stories but sometimes it gets exhausting and painful bc we are so much more than that#so these characters playing first responders just getting to see them excel at their jobs and bring good into the world is just like#idk it's a lot lol#basically i am just very happy with it#i have three more eps to watch and i'm trying to stretch them out to make it till january bc i know i'll miss this show sm#it may also just be hitting me harder bc i've spent the past couple years watching glee and. well. woc are treated like shit there lmfao#so this is the biggest breath of fresh air and i think i really needed it lol#neha rambles
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venting sorry... don't want to just delete it bc it helps to get it out just ignore this post pls đź‘Ť
haven't slept much at all and feeling so sick andstressed and in pain bc my period is due and so tired its making me dizzy but i cant sleep more or ill just feel more sick and I want a hug and to cry so hard into someones shoulder but no one cares or will even come near me it makes me feel diseased they think things about me that aren't true bc I struggle so much to communicate and thry all make assumptions insteqd and no one wants to give me space to talk to them about it so I cant undo that now and its all my fault and I'm so. exhausted :-(
#going to try and stay awake until lunch at least and yhen maybe ill take a nap. but i need to be able to sleep rpoperly tonight#at least i know im only feeling depressed bc my period is due which means my meds dont work how they should#like its kind of weird n psychologically interesting to feel so depressed again suddenly bc i havent been at all lately#well theres not much i can do abt feeling sick and in pain but ill take it easy. wasnt planning on leaving the house today anyway#and i do need to find a way to talk to ppl abt shit im struggling to communicate bc it really does bother me. and i dont want to do this#im tired of keeping everything in and wound so tightly i just want to feel seen and safe around someone please. please 🥹#its all well n good getting along with people better than i rver havebut if they still wont support me when im going through it#then it fades into shallowness like our friendship still has value. but im unable to feel close to them or safe around them#and right now im glad im doing so well im glad of so manynthings but its so scary to know that if i start doing bad again there is#noone and nothing there to catch me i dont have anything in the way of a safety net just myself. so better not fall 👍#and irs been makinf me feel so horrible lately bc my mum has been trying to emotionally drpend on me again and its making me feel like#when i was a teenager again and i was fighting for my fucking life against what i didnt know was mental illness and i had no outlet and#nowhere to go and i wanted to die so badly and meanwhile everyone around me was completely unaware and making me handle all of their#emotional issues and i was trapped there absorbing everyone elses damage and not being able to express mine and thankfully i didnt kill#myself and i got out and ive gotten so much bettee and worse and better sinxe and how i feel now is nothing like that really but im just#being reminded of it a lot and how hard expressing myself is and sometimes it feels like ive made so little progress#in thetorture labyrinth out here. but i dont want to do this forever i need to get better at expressing i just need people to support me#but i feel unsupported its like thin ice. but its alsonmy fault for not trusting. i dontnknowwwww.#maybe when i dont have to pay for private meds anymore and when i get this raise at the end of the year ill try therapy again#i dont think itll solve the issue bc its the ppl i care abt in my life that i need to be able to talk to. but maybe i can get some#better tools to help me be able to do that. i dontnknow i dont want to think about it anymore actually im going to go do smth else#sorry for venting its been a really nice weekend genuinely feeljng so good in general atm. and yeah i still struggle with the same things#but generally ive been handling their effect on my mental health so much better!!!! like im still feeling okay regardless of them#but they are still there and i will need to go from tolerating them to dissolvjng them at some point if i want to feel okay long term#it doesnt have to be like this. and i do actually truly believe that for once which rly is a sign of how much prpgress ive made!!!!#working on my shit is a fucking lifelong project....as im sure it is for everyone else too. all of our first time on planet earth#we will get through yhis. and anyway how i feel now is super temporary jsut triggered by a few thingsand ill keep reacting to them this#way until i managr to properly resolve them properly instead of folding them nicely and tucking them out of view#bleugh. okay yeah thats enough for now. meds softening the edges too ive stopped crying which is smth#chilling for a bit n then im going to watch some tv or a movie and iron and polish my boots and after lunch i might draw. or not we'll see
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