#sometimes life is just unfair
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I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.
It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.
#mental health#mental health advocacy#like... anxiety and depression are often concieved of as simple and easy to manage...#...but that isn't the case for so many of us. anxiety and depression just have a lot more research invested into them...#...and while i wish this were the case for literally every other condition it does alter people's perception of you to some extent...#...so while this is NOT solely about anxiety or depression it includes us...#...my anxiety and depression and PTSD have *destroyed* my life. this is chronic and will probably be life-long...#...and that isn't my fault. i've done the fucking work but guess what? that doesn't account for the fact that I Am Just ILL#the least we can do for each other is to be compassionate#be compassionate to those who cannot heal. be compassionate to the people who can't manage their lives. this world is scary enough#recognize that management of symptoms is something not all of us can do - even IF their condition is labeled as 'easy to manage'#i allowed myself to feel angry that i can't heal 'normally' and that was unfair as fuck toward myself#and i NEED people to internalize this so that MAYBE this could help somebody else who is where i was#i NEED them to understand that it's okay that they are where they are - sometimes shit just doesn't turn out how you expect or want#don't beat yourself over you being a person. you are struggling enough. you deserve to rest. just rest please#and just... give yourself space
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I can only take so much, but lately, they have replaced my reflection. And realize I'm just as bad as them.
#messyr#doodle#vent art#idk what im feeling but im just really tired- pessimistic and agitated lately#overthinking stuff about growth as a person LMAO. Envy that builds inferiority then dissolves into insecurity ew#ive yet to accept the truth that it will never get better- so i can only be there for others until i watch them go.#And I walk back to the same cage where I grew- bc the cage is all I know. I'd watch from afar and wait- wait for what? Idk#Genuinely happy and proud to those who worked hard for that success-- an ugly thought whispers to me thinking why cant I have the same#well- people w the same situations as me- knows how unfair life is so we work twice as hard. but sometimes... It's-- not enough.#And to an unfortunate fate- it'll never be enough. and it feels as if you amount to nothing.#I've been stuck for so long- I'm convinced enough that I cannot be helped. Still I cling onto the tiniest spark of hope.#bpd#abuse mention
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lets put them in the freezer
#I JUST FUCKING NOTICED THERES A GREEN DOT OUTTA NOWHERE THAT APPEARS SOMETIMES IM GONNA KMS I FORGOT#TO ERASE IT.#LIFE IS SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#bkdk#mha#bnha#bakudeku#bnha fanart#boku no hero academia#dkbk#mha fanart#dekubaku#izukatsu#bkdk fanart#bakudeku fanart#my hero academia#izkt#decchan#ktdk#katsudeku#izuku midoriya#katsuki bakugou#my autism academia...#poof art
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lately, i've seen more people in the online autistic community acknowledging the struggles of people with higher support needs, which is of course an important development. but for some, that seems to come with the implicit assumption that low needs autistics "have it easy" or experience no stigma at all, which is just wrong??? people with low support needs are still disabled by their autism and still face discrimination because of it. sure, they are impaired to a lesser degree than those with higher support needs, but that doesn't mean you can just erase their struggles, y'know?
#sometimes i see posts that are like 'its unfair to say that autistic people have it easy and arent really disabled...' and go yes! exactly!#but then they'll continue like '...because not all autistic people have low support needs'#and i'm like. okay nevermind you dont understand this at all#i have comparatively mild autism (was diagnosed with aspergers back when that was still a thing)#and my autism has still significantly impacted and impaired my life#i think its important to acknowledge the huge range of experiences in the autistic community#and that many others have struggled much more than me#but that doesnt mean its all easy breezy for me and other lsn autistics yknow?#(i guess i would technically be considered medium support needs or something but that's because of my chronic illness not my autism)#i wish people would just. like. listen to other peoples experiences before just assuming that they know everything about their lives#ofc a huge part of this is also some lsn autistics distancing themselves from hsn people and pretending that they're not actually disabled#but not every lsn autistic is like that. and even the ones that are are usually (consciously or unconsciously) downplaying their symptoms#autism#actually autistic#actuallyautistic#this isn't really about the post i just reblogged btw it just reminded me of it#because some of the notes on it went in that direction
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A highly feverish Yuma and Makoto 🌡️ (39.05 c)
This was an art trade I received from BBQchap0 on twitter ✨
Small Rambling below
original and copy, same body, same mind, same frail immune system (they often get sick at the same time)
The 2 worlds greatest minds are going to have to take some time off working today. They’ve unfortunately both been afflicted by a sudden spiking fever and can hardly move. As they lay in bed, fatigued, aching, and sweating through their clothes, they could only struggle to try to help themselves.
This is such an attractive piece. I think I’m in love...
I could go on about this but, I'm literally about to combust 😳💦
In shorter words:
This is the most lovely art trade I have ever gotten and one of the most gorgeous pieces of art I've ever gotten in my entire life.
I cannot praise it enough, this belongs in a legit art gallery... I'm so honored to have gotten something this pretty I could cry...
💕💦(┬┬﹏┬┬) 💦💕
HOW did they make these disheveled sick boys look so BEAUTIFUL??? I can legit FEEL their struggle, its too good I could die
What a vision…makoto's uninterested yet tired expression...yuma with the thermometer in his mouth as his clone weakly assists him...and those glorious skin flush tints of red and pink coupled with the beads of sweat and messy hair…
AND THOSE COLORS…
Yeah. I’m not normal 🫠
Its…perfection
#whumpcode#not mine#art made for me#rain code#rain code spoilers#yuma kokohead#makoto kagutsuchi#makoyuma#illness whump#fever whump#also no im not back i just wanted to share#I don’t often say this about an art piece#but this is DELICIOUS i want to devour this#now this is a 5 star meal right here#first time art makes me feel some kinda way o///o#its that powerful and I cannot AVERT MY GAZE FROM IT#I AM ATTRACTED TO THIS ARTWORK#NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I SEEN SUCH BEAUTY#TRULY A SPECTACLE OF THE AGES#I cannot get over it#i am very normal about this image#and the artist says they don’t mind trading w me again sometime#WITH QUALITY LIKE THIS SIGN ME TF UP#tho my art is scrap compared to this majesty#it almost feels unfair… 😅#i am not worthy of this kind of art help#this piece is incredible and should be seen by everyone
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twitter takes on toshiro makes me cry... bro was subjected to microaggressions for 5 HOURS and raised in a high-context culture (where you Do Not say negative things outright), and ppl are still like "no he's just a bad person bc he's mean to my boy laios"
#dungeon meshi#nakamoto toshiro#like. he's not 100% in the right but he's also not 100% in the wrong!#sometimes people just have mismatched communication styles and it's unfair to pin all the blame on one side#(i guess part of why i'm so frustrated is because i'm asian and while i use an english name so that my name isn't butchered#some members of my family do have the experience of westerners getting their name wrong and refusing to try better#or like 'why don't you have an English name to make things easier' etc etc)#(to be fair i don't mind my English name and have used it my entire life/it's on my official docs since i was a baby. but also.#part of it *is* because it's just. more convenient to use an english name when they'll inevitably ask for one anyway y'know?)
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woke up from a nightmare about concert queuing for käärijä even tho it’s over for me now until next year 💀 to see this 😳
man this tease why he do this…
ALSO I’M CHOOSING TO IGNORE THIS:
#ffs day before i go back to work and he pulls this and im exhausted and shouldn’t spend more life is unfair sometimes#also not sure if i could face going back to heaven so soon haha#just gonna stay off social media that day to avoid fomo#käärijä#anyway point is he’s looking delicious as usual#what’s new
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life comes at you so fast
#tw personal#tw death#tw cancer#not my usual silly goofy post but it’s hard to remain that way when there’s a lot weighing on your mind#cancer sucks#and it’s unfair how quickly it can take people from us#one moment they seem fine and the next they’re in the icu with a week left to live#he passed two nights ago#i wasn’t planning to post about it but i have the tendency to disassociate from my grief#so here i am instead of wherever the hell!#it’s heartbreaking because he and his wife weren’t just my mum’s bosses - they were long-time friends#i have clear childhood memories of playing at their house with their son#his youngest child is only 3 years old#as soon as he found out he started giving his final messages to his staff#obviously nobody wants to die in that situation#but you could feel how much he *wanted to live*#when i was told about his death it was in the morning and it didn’t feel real#every time i had seen him in the last year he always had a smile on his face#it’s always been hard for me to deal with the prospect of death#and understand how fragile life is#how REAL mortality is#it hits even harder when it happens to someone who was so FULL of life#sighs#life comes at you fast#sometimes in all directions and in every possible and testing way imaginable#i’ve been trying to write and feel any sense of normalcy this evening but for a multitude of reasons i have a sinking feeling in my stomach#sometimes when i’m upset i try recycle the feeling into excitement or happiness over something else#yeah … i can’t really do that tonight#apologies if my energy is bleh. hold your loved ones close. now i return you to my regular scheduled programming
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Molly has a message for you!
#the ghost and molly mcgee#tgamm#tgamm fanart#finally putting my colored pencils to good use#i love this goober i want only good things for her#sometimes i cry thinking about how unfair her life was growing up#i just wanna hug her#but i also want her to give me encouragement because today has sucked and I don't feel well </3
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My personal feelings in the Fionna and Cake ending is that it was perfect.
The story showed about how we can only control what is in our very personal and small world and not worry about or take on the responsibilities of that outside ourself.
We will make mistakes and wish we could rewrite them over and over and over until it’s perfect but we can’t. We will hate aspects of our lives and adore aspects of lives we don’t know the intricacies or hardships of but we can not insert ourselves. We have our own lives to live and rather than define it by a given purpose let us define the purpose as we go along. Not everything is revealed when it’s over, you may not get the answers but it’s okay to go somewhere and not know.
Some endings are happy, some are sad and some are just that, endings. They don’t have neat little bows or a “The End” on the last page but they allow us to put the past down and move on to whatever else lies ahead.
#Betty is a chaos god Simon is just a guy and it’s okay their worlds don’t match them or each other any more#change happened and the more they fought it the more it hurt them#fionna learned this is just her life and that’s fine#I think people expecting a big emotional ending forget the show was mainly about after the healing process when you are just allowed to#drift and find what to do next like Simon or a sedimentary moment like fionna#everyone more or less already moved on they just needed to accept it like Simon finally did#and fionna had to except sometimes the moment is all there is and you have to move with it and not past#betty Simon fionna made their choices and now they live with them there is no change only being heard and they all got that and the peace#they could gain from it and ya missed the point if you think someone was cheated or their fate was left ambiguous or unfair#they are going to be what they are now fionna a non magical normal woman#simon a guy out of his time but okay about it#and Betty a being past itself and the world#it’s not extravagant but it’s what it should be the world goes on and sometimes the only change is you noticing it’s still spinning#fionna and cake#adventure time
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Can't get over that time I saw someone whose take on Punishment was "Optimus says that if you punch Nazis it makes you as bad as the Nazis" as opposed to like
"For a stable and peaceful post-war society to exist people will be required to forgive unforgivable things because the alternative is endlessly perpetuating the cycles of hatred and violence. Also it's kind of fucked up to mass murder people especially when they're historically oppressed/working class people who are currently living in slums outside of mainstream society because everyone hates them so much they won't hire or give them housing. Also as the leader of the Autobots Optimus has to hold his own people accountable just as much as he would hold a Decepticon accountable because otherwise that's just blatant bias and bigotry."
#squiggposting#without fail every time i see someone invoke nazism in discussions over fandom shit#it's always the worst take i've ever seen in my life adklfsdljk#honestly fandom (or i guess ppl in general) get so mad when the moral of the story is to not kill people 😂😂😂#cranky bc the author didn't support the righteous punitive justice you desperately wanted huh?#cranky bc there's no clear cut solution that doesn't involve being unfair in some way huh?#but honestly considering some ppl's IRL beliefs i'm absolutely not surprised they act like this in fandom#it's less 'what you like in fiction = your irl morals' and more that like#some ppl will openly and proudly make moral judgements about fiction and you can draw conclusions based on that#and a lot of the time my conclusion is honestly just 'you have no idea how war works tbh'#chronic americentrism cringe and privilege#i stg sometimes it feels like the only way to have intelligent nuanced conversations about fiction is like#to talk to anyone except a usamerican or anglophone in general skdlfjsld
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the story about dd’s mom having dementia hits close to home because my grandmother who is my only remaining grandparent has alzheimer and she’s like this too. She still thinks I’m in school even though I have a job, and keeps asking me about school, and she used to be a teacher too so she still has those instinct reactions a former teacher can have. But it’s hard sometimes to see her forget things when you didn’t know her like that all your life. You just repeat what you say to her every time even though it’s always the same question, and pretend everything’s normal for her.
I'm so sorry, anon. It really is difficult. My grandmother, who was my only remaining grandparent, too, had dementia and it's like losing a person while they're still there. Yeah, all you can do is pretend they haven't asked that question a hundred times. Wishing you so much strength, anon, and hope you and your grandmother will still have beautiful moments together ❤️
#lovely anons#it was so difficult#i sometimes couldn't visit her#which is unfair i know#but when you know a person all your life and suddenly they're just a shell of themselves#not easy at all#so all the best for anon and their grandmother
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im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed
my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.
and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.
anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,
I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me
im going by metro which is quite safe
im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18
she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)
anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm
so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?
anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".
and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.
#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play#till 10:30 at night#she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8#this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house#and now that my brother is in class 7#he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30#he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like#one sentence#yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke#up in the house its all my fault#this is just so damn unfair#like literally insulting#im not a child what is her problem#what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate?#i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present]#and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up#my whole life i've been told abar late?''#and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play#5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30#and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude#with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play#im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi#after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other#she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit#and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12#its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how#like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO#istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy#groceries#i can cycle
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i think when yaz finally starts showing up to the companion support group like 2 years after it started she goes wearing a tshirt that says "i travelled with the doctor and all i got was this lousy ptsd". the doctor has a little breakdown abt it in the bathroom, then pretends it never happened and asks yaz if they can have one of those. yaz takes off her jacket to show the back of the shirt which says "didnt even get the shirt. had to make it myself"
next time the doctor shows up with the same shirt but slightly different bc obviously handmade
#i just think it'd be cute#matching shirts with the bestie to commemorate the worstbest years of your life#ptsd - post tardis stress disorder#fkghfghkjh thats unfair to the tardis shes really not the main stressor in that life i think#despite her tendency to Just Leave sometimes#post time travel stress disorder#post space travel dysfunctionality#got the letters wrong way#post timespace travel dysfunctionality#got a t too many#this is real master dalek plan hours isnt it#i'll get it eventually fghkhfg
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college is making me want to shoot myself in the head really bad, which is crazy because i thought i was completely done with feeling suicidal after highschool ended. my life is looking up and i have a lot to look forward to.
but the funny thing is. that beautiful future, which is the reason i don't want to die, is only obtainable through going to college and working very hard and stressing myself out all the time. which, in turn, makes me want to die.
#as per usual my mental health has been doing great and here comes school again to throw a wrench in the works#its so unfair that i cant be guaranteed a small house and a well paying job and a domestic life with my girlfriend just by surviving#i mean for my girlfriend i've tried to set it up so that that's all she has to do and i'll set up everything else#but surviving in itself is a lot harder for her than for i#i just want us to be O.K. !!!#and then there's the genocide that doesnt involve me but i'd be kind of a horrible person not to care about it#which i do care. i want to donate but i barely have enough money for myself and my girlfriend to live happily#and thats WITH my parents keeping me housed and paying for groceries bills repairs etc#AND college tuition.#swear to GOD i could be given like 10 thousand dollars rn and i would use almost all of it to help others just out of sheer moral obligatio#theres not even very much i would want to spend money on for myself rn#i like my current wardrobe enough and my doll collection is almost at full capacity so its gonna stagnate soon#and thats like. it. i buy myself snacks and stuff sometimes but thats all the ways i spend money for purely selfish reasons#besides that i just wanna help my girlfriend out and all those suffering in palestine#im rambling. i need a fucking break from it all sorry#life suddenly seems so bleak again#evilmartin430.txt#vent
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...
#sorry im thinking abt death again#because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died#that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from#time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed#i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she#died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way#my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today#for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days#and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt#future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her#last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that#and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless#others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club#i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her#stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i#dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my#family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters#probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a#full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length#unrelated
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