#sometimes it scares me how fast my brain creates more

[toomanyfanficsnotimetowriteem]

I've had a stressful day. It's Wild-West-posting time:

Just some group models of the Wild West characters. The last model is called "The Reunion", which would take place towards the end of the Alt History of the Wild West AU I discussed recently. In that world, Tron and Ram (Billy) have no idea the other is alive until they run into each other while looking for Beck. If people would like more of the lore, I will happily post more about it.

[idiotmf]

Excited Werewolf bf turning for the first time

(To the anon who brought up the cervitaur fluff: I shall deliver soon, it's a bit longer and more edited this time around. My anxious brain must notify you though, whoever you are. xD)

NSFW, MDNI

Another one of those 'hear me out' posts but like...

I keep seeing posts about werewolf bfs being scared to turn in front of you, but what about the opposite? What if you're the scared one?

Werewolf bf has to reassure you that it's "fine" and "nothing is going to happen" but he's so fucking excited to finally show you all of him, to show you his most primal form. But you're reluctant. You trust him of course, but you've heard the horror stories! The tales of werewolves in ruts destroying furniture, doors, hell, even chains sometimes.

Of course werewolf bf isn't going into rut, that time of the year hasn't come yet but remembering last year in his more humanoid form was already pretty hard on you.

He, of course, assures you that there is no way of him hurting you. So, eventually, you do give in and he bounces like an excited puppy, as he prepares by taking his clothes off.

Within moments, he has considerably grown in size, brown fur all over his broad body to match his dark eyes, his human features morphing into animalistic ones, yet he's not quite an animal.

“What do you think babe, cool right?” His excited voice booms through your apartment, his ears almost scraping against the ceiling. Your head barely reaches his chest, his arm alone longer than your leg. Having only ever seen shifted werewolves on TV, you hadn't considered the sheer size of them.

His tail wags so fast that things behind him get knocked off of your table just from the gust it creates and you can't help but think that it's sort of... Cute?

He's like a big puppy but he's your boyfriend! You touch his fur excitedly, marvelling at how soft it is, calling him a big teddy bear, which makes his tail wag faster. He lets you touch his face and sensitive ears, allowing you to get familiar with his more animalistic side. You stroke his head and his wildly flailing tail, as he licks your cheek with a large, wet tongue, leaving a trail of drool on your face.

Maybe this isn't so bad!

This thought, however, only stays for mere seconds, as he turns back towards you, ripping his tail out of your hands, your stomach now pressed against a cock bigger than your forearm, long, thick, hard, and begging to be touched by your small hands.

All your boyfriend does is growl at you in response to your surprised face, as he pushes you down on the large couch, your face morphing from shock into anticipation. Without a single word, he rips your pants off, exposing your excitement to him.

[so-mordor-itis]

Jealous + Leon

;)

Also for @some-insomniac-writes because pouty, jealous Leon is always a yes

--

Leon sometimes worried he would drown in his own emotions. Allowed them to consume his very being and have them control his actions as if he were a puppet to his own brain.

Empathy was something Krauser used to tease him about. He'd poke Leon with that stick and told him he shouldn’t let himself feel what others were feeling unless he wanted to create a permanent blind spot others could easily see and utilize.

Now, watching you converse with the newest rookie in the department, watching them look at you with awe, eyes sparkling in a way that reminded him of his younger self, he wondered what his late commander would've spat at him if he saw this. Perhaps the man would roll his eyes and mutter, "Dumbass," when Leon couldn't hear him. (If he was honest, he hated how often he thought of Krauser after the events in Spain. Maybe this was a way for his mind to cope.)

Leon knew this feeling, but it was still so foreign. Jealousy was a human thing to feel, was normal, and expected even. Though, just because someone expected themselves to feel jealous about a future event didn't mean Leon did. It felt wrong. To be scared of this rookie flirting with you, to allow himself to doubt you and concern himself to the point he felt ill.

He must've been staring. Eventually, you had nudged the rookie in a different direction, eyes meeting his with a concerned look. He hated this more now. Could feel a burning sensation in his chest.

You approached him, and he forced himself to take a deep breath. You crossed your arms. "You alright? You look like you're about to be sick."

He wouldn't have been surprised if his skin was green.

"Yeah, must've been something I ate." The lie slipped through his teeth so fast he wondered if you caught it.

You raised an eyebrow, and suddenly, he felt more sick than earlier.

"You sure?"

"Positive. I'll be fine. I've dealt with worse, anyway." It was not entirely untrue, though this certainly took its own place on the pedestal.

You regarded him one more time, still holding a curious gaze. "Was it Peterson?"

Leon blinked. "Who?"

You let out a huff of laughter. "The new kid. Did you not listen to anything I said this morning?"

No, if he was being entirely honest. God, he was so worried, worried about his feelings, his jealousy, what he would do if he let it explode that he forgot the kid had a name.

"No."

He said it too fast.

Your brows furrowed. "Lee, you can be honest with me. He was flirting a bit, and honestly, too much for my own liking."

Leon huffed a little, partly out of relief. He placed one hand to his hip. "He was shuffling closer to you every chance he could."

"So you were getting jealous."

"I hate that word."

Your lip quirked, and suddenly, his heart melted into jelly. You gave his cheek a peck, and his mouth formed a pout. "Don't worry, he's not my type. Though it seems my type falls around awkward, protective blonds."

Leon's pout deepened. He truly was overthinking.

[systems-overloaded]

this is the trend afaik, about things in common with different alters (we have DID) that have different levels of speech and lanaguges comprehension.

(and then i have a question for nonverbal/semiverbal autistic people who might be reading this at the end, if they happen to see this? there is also a simplified question at the very end as well!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

parts with little to no speech:

- their thoughts are as vibes and emotions mainly

- they cannot visualize, they just exist, and experience life through sensations as they come and as they go. they dont really "create thoughts", they just are, they exist and experience.

- theyre the happiest, have no trauma memories, or understanding of the concepts of trauma

- they dont front frequently because they need to feel totally safe, but theyre very happy and calm.

- (my assumption is they mightve formed pre-language learning, but i have no idea for sure. communicating with them, can be a bit hard to understand. they are more than just fragments though, but its hard to explain, they do have opinions, desires, autonomy, but its different in a way? idk)

parts that struggle with speech:

- generally happier and "normal" parts

- less intelligence, less reading comprehension and vocabulary. (theres a big range, but some would probably be considered intellectually disabled if they were a singlet)

- most of their thoughts are simple words put together (like, "want soup. warm. please soup?" instead of "hmm i want some warm soup")

- they are much more grounded into the body, exist within the body

- they do experience distress when fronting in the body, specifically due to nervous system dysregulation and sensory overwhelms.

- they do not hold memories or emotions of the major or minor traumas that happened to us.

- they do not tend to have anxiety or racing thoughts.

- their brain is very quiet, no background chatter or multiple streams of consciousness.

- theyre typically unable to visualize in their brain.

- afaik, for the majority with prominent speech difficulties, they cannot sing. (there might be a couple who can sing without issues, like how some with a stutter can sing without, im unsure how many can sing though.)

- due to being grounded into the body and its signals, our physical capabilities are much less. cannot push through pain, cannot do things others can.

the parts that have better speech (but afaik still have some difficulty with the motor aspect, although its minimal, i think. i have blackout amnesia to these parts. but this is to the best of our knowledge, correct.):

- higher intelligence, very smart. (interested and /understand/ concepts like genetics, medical research journals, quantum physics (to a certain extent), and learning other lanaguges.)

- tend to be extremely anxious, scared, even "paranoid" (though its legitimate based off trauma memories)

- they can visualize in their mind, with extreme vivid details.

- their thoughts are fast, with alot of parts talking in the background all the time, as well as just multiple trains of thought, and memes/songs/etc playing in the background.

- they have more knowledge about the things that happened to us, even if they dont always have access to direct memories (some do, some dont)

- they are extremely dissociated from the body. they exist above the body, sometimes experienced literally.

- they have more phsyical capabilities, because they do not feel pain at all until it gets to extreme levels.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so my question for those who are nonverbal/semiverbal: id love feedback about what to call this? my speech issues are not simply verbal shutdowns or speech loss episodes induced by stress. id initially assumed that parts who were more traumatized would have less speech, but its actually the opposite for me. (personally i theorize that maybe the more traumatized parts are either way too disconnected from the body to be aware of how hard it is, how much difficulty speech takes. or they have more speech abilities, and maybe even intelligence, because they felt it was so important to be able to talk, and communicate one day about the things that were happening to us. so a bunch of energy was pushed towards speech abilities and brain abilities for those parts? im unsure, this is a guess. the other thing is they mightve been abused and forced to talk better, so they could appear "normal" and not be a stain in the churches reputation.)

a little of (non-trauma) history though:

i didnt say my first word until i was 5 years old, i had a significant speech delay. and id then gone through speech therapy and never actually finished, but the school wouldn't pay for more. i was an extremely quiet kid according to my mom. i would barely speak but i appeared happy and content she said. i did have desires to communicate, and would talk some, tell her about my day at school etc. but mostly i was pretty silent, in school especially. got in trouble for not doing "participation", of repeating things out loud, reading out loud, presentations. i just couldnt and i couldnt explain so id get in trouble.

but as a whole its fact that there are alters that can speak out full sentences and have a full conversation (like a drs appointment). i do not know if how much difficulty they have even matters, because they are still capable of it.

afaik, the majority cannot do that, they cannot have a full conversation like that. not without severe difficulty and/or pain, and then some cannot at all, cant even try.

what should i be calling this experience? would saying im semiverbal be okay? or no? because sometimes i seem to have alters than might be fully verbal? i know not to call myself (or my alters) nonverbal when talking to others (in personal journals i do classify different alters as semiverbal or nonverbal.) but with others, i say things like "i cant talk" or "im mute", or "talking is hard for me right now", etc.

no matter a label, im learning to use an AAC app and learning some ASL (though i struggle with moving hands/fingers right. like clumsy and slow, and some shapes impossible :c ). in the past, those who could push, do push. they push so much and hurt themsleves for other peoples conveniences, and its never acknowledged, and often those words arent even understood/heard/recieved. we have to repeat ourselves multiple times, and say it louder multiple times too. its so taxing, its exhausting (mentally and physically), and it basically causes actual pain.

its like, theres this brain and body disconnect, and my mouth, my tongue, and my jaw are all separate parts that im trying to consciously move, and im trying to get them to move through molasses, and they have a lag in response, if i can even get them to create the shapes i want. and with the pain, its like...knives/nails scrapping/slicing all the nerves/veins in my body.

but im trying to learn to do whats best for me, and what keeps me the healthiest and the happiest. and i think unpacking internalized ableism around using something like an AAC device is something thatll lead me there (to better health and happiness).

but im unsure about how to describe my experiences. afaik, everyone has /some/ degree of struggling to turn word-thoughts into mouth sounds... but id really like to hear input from people who are nonverbal or semiverbal all the time. thank you for reading if you did, and sorry that its so long.

~~~~~~~

simplified question:

i have DID, so i have multiple alters within my body. to my knowledge, we all have a hard time with making speech. some seem to have less difficulty and can have conversations (like at a dr's appointment), others struggle so much they can maybe force out a couple words, and others cannot create speech at all. we have varying levels of intelligence and varying levels of understanding of speech and language.

i had a significant speech delay, with my first word at 5 years old, and never finished speech therapy because the school stopped paying.

these speech issues are not just situational from stress, they are constant with those alters. every single day, for the majority of my day, we cannot create speech. we can make some speech sometimes, but its not even half and half with when we cannot make sounds at all. and the alters who can speak more, only ever front for maybe an hour or two max, and maybe twice a month.

i know not to call myself nonverbal. but would i be semiverbal? can i call me (this me as a whole person with multiple alters inside) semiverbal? or semispeaking? i want to hear from those who are semiverbal and nonverbal.

[acupofselfcontrol]

Overview for today (a really shitty day)

TW: Sh, descriptions of sh tools, and ed/binging (also warning this is a super long post💀)

Morning: Really bad binge, I felt utterly horrible. One of the things I binged on I have absolutely no way to know the cals but to be safe I estimated like 850 (this could be wildly underestimating but I think it's closer to overestimation but I don't really know)

When I binge I tend to end up binging on and off until I go to bed but a while ago someone told me when they binge they don't over-restrict for the rest of the day because it triggers more binge so I decided to try that

also I was so hungry that even after the binge I wasn't even uncomfortably full wtf

⬇️putting a cover here cause the TW starts applying here (so yeah, TW for sh)

Noon: For context, the other day I found a multi mini tool I got like 4 years ago before I started cvtt1ng. Sometimes when i'm doing rlly shitty I go into these like weird frantic hazes where I feel fucking crazy and several times during those i've searched for this tool -cause i've been using a dull pair of scissors to sh since I started- and I never found it. So today I used it for the first time and it was much more effective💀 Anyway after that I called my friend and that helped me calm down a lot I love him sm.

Afternoon: went to a market and GOT A RED BRACELET FINALLY!! (Wearing it will be a reward for when I reach 115lb) ate a cup of frozen berries and a hot chocolate bomb (not hot chocolate cause im scared of milk💀 just ate the actual hot chocolate bomb😭)

Evening: Went for an interval training run and this shit works holy fuck, burned like 400cals according to my tracker so that's helping my peace of mind, also cause I think i'm gonna get away with no dinner cause it's getting later and i'm not even hungry cause running suppresses appetite!

So (guessing one of the big things so could be off but I tried to overestimate) I consumed 1,950 and I burned 1,740, and i'm still slightly under my maintenance so that's cool ig. This was a really shitty day but I think I handled it well and I feel guilty but i'll try to be done with the regret tmr morning cause it isn't beneficial.

Plan going forward: A trend in my binging is it happens when i'm so desperate to avoid eating actual meals that instead I eat a fuck ton of non-filling empty cals. What im gonna do tn is create a list of steps for myself to do before a binge, one of which will be if the urge is still very very forceful then instead of giving in, make an egg or an english muffin or smt (specifics will be sorted out tn) Because 200cals is better than 1600, I just need my brain to understand that. Tomorrow morning i'm not gonna fast but I think i'll eat an egg cause I saw someone today saying protein for breakfast really helps with cravings (I usually fast for 12-20 hours then eat a cup of frozen berries)

Right now: I've been really putting off practicing my musical theatre dances and seeing how rehearsal is in 2 days I'm gonna go do that for a bit just so I can prove to myself it's not such a horrid task, after I practice ever single song i'll shower, then i'll get into bed and play Unpacking for a while cause it's so comforting to me

I'll be okay.

Edit: I js remembered that I overestimated on a ton of stuff cause I was scared abt underestimating on that one big thing I couldn't accurately count, so for example I took out a 45cal drink and drank 2 sips, but kept the 45cal on my tracker, and I did that for a bunch of stuff

[emilemily]

I don’t know what’s wrong with me and the doctors have no clue

I’ve always had bad blood circulation since I was a child. I vividly remember standing in the kitchen with my mother helping her cook and her pointing to my feet telling me “your legs and feet are beet red” and they’d feel itchy

In the last few months that has turned to red and purple with numb tingles yet an itchy feeling. I’ll compare my arm to my legs and it’s night and day. Red and purple with white spots. I have veins Neely enlarged and bulging on my right leg

I have such severe fatigue I rarely leave my bed because when I stand up I get so lightheaded and dizzy my vision goes black and I fall to the floor where I lay, blinking until the dark static clears and I can get myself up again. My heart rate spikes in the moment I go from laying down to standing

My hair is falling out more and I don’t have an appetite anymore. I have to force myself to eat and even so, cooking is difficult because standing to do so causes my legs to go red and purple and I get dizzy. I’ve moved a chair into the kitchen which helps, but at the same time my fatigue is so bad that my arms feel as if they weigh 30 pounds along with my legs. I’ve lost a lot of weight.

I run low grade fevers at night. I get tremors in my legs, weird involuntary movements. Sometimes my brain is confused. I drop things often which I never did before.

My chest feels tight, as if I have 1000 pounds of weight on it and I struggle to get a deep breath most days. Even walking into the next room leaves me winded as if I just went for a stroll outside.

My legs and feet & arms and hands are always cold no matter the temperature of the room or what I’m wearing. Even when I have a blanket on.

This is so sudden and abrupt. The last 6 months it really started. I went from relatively healthy to whatever this is, and I’m realizing I’m not truly depressed. I’m just fatigued and not well and it’s hard to be super happy when you struggle to just take your dogs for a walk.

When I walk my schnauzers I start getting chest pains and realize that my heart is beating so fast I’m surprised it doesn’t stop. I squat down and rest and it slows down until I stand again

Read all about how many people with similar symptoms die within 10 years and it was sort of sobering.

I’m not sure if I’m going to live to see 40 and be the bad bitch mom I always wanted to be. The mom to break generational curses. The mom to help guide my children into being what I never had the resources to be.

Or the loving wife I always wanted to be.

Or the woman I’ve dreamed of becoming.

If I die young, I’ll have died only knowing this short life filled with a lot of unhappiness, trauma, substance abuse, general unease, and uncertainty about my future.

And that is what haunts me. I was always so terrified of growing old, and now I’m staring an untimely death in the face.

It may happen, it may not. I’m not scared of it anymore. Sometimes it feels relieving because the weight of this world has always been so heavy. I have no idea how to exist as others do. I never have.

I am an incredibly broken human being. One that struggles to heal. Some believe that negativity in life manifests in physical ailments.

Created a plan for calling the ambulance should I go into cardiac arrest or stroke. I’ve been coached on all the symptoms to watch out for. Today I felt chest pain and some pain down the right side of my jaw as I brushed my teeth. I was terrified for a moment and sat down and it went away.

That was one of the signs I’m supposed to watch for, but I didn’t do anything about it. It’s almost like I’m more scared to live through a stroke and be a vegetable than of death itself.

Missed my Dr. appt last week because I forgot what day it was. It has been pushed to August because Medicaid is backed up beyond all reason currently.

If I continue to see increased severity as I have the last week or so, I’m just going to go to the ER and ask them to run whatever tests they can and please help me. Maybe they’ll be more useful than my doctors. Maybe they won’t. I don’t care how much debt I rack up there anymore. I don’t care.

If I’m going to die, so be it. But I want to know about it first. I want to make peace with my demons and my whys and my woes. I want to make peace with the things I’ve always pushed off. I want time to accept that I’m not going to live a long life.

I want to write poetry about the family I will never have, about the love I’ve felt and lost in this life, about those who crossed me, about my dogs, about the people who unconditionally loved me, about the people who didn’t, about my mom.

Every time I call her she tells me I don’t look good and urges me to go to the ER. She cries and yells “Emily, don’t you know you could die?!”

Mama, trust me. I’m more aware of that than anyone given the fact that I live inside this faulty meat suit. I feel the indicators of that every single day.

The check engine light only came on a few months ago. I just need more time to sort out what’s wrong with it.

Either way, I feel peace in a way. Whatever the outcome, I’ve fought like hell to get right here where I am, even if here isn’t perfect.

I’d hoped to have achieved more if I was going to kick in at this age. But I’ll take what I got.

Nighty night

[lateteintheclouds]

Unfinished

This is gonna be a long one, but I need to write it all down.

Did I ever mentioned how I hate endings? While that is absolutely true, unfinished works are far, far worse. Dammit!

Like I like to say nowadays, it’s only been a few months since I fell into the wonderful rabbit hole that is Fan Fiction; reading amazing stories and even starting to write some myself.

But as amazing as some of them were (to the point that I lose sleep because I can’t stop reading or that at least one of them made me cry because the ending was too perfect), so many are unfinished! And it makes me go insane!

I don’t blame the writers, life is… well life, and I understand a 100% that finishing to write a story online that doesn’t provide any income is totally something that can be tossed to the side as life goes on. But my brain apparently can’t accept that. So while I’m not mad at random amazing people on the internet, I’m mostly mad at my brain.

Granted, it does the same thing with abandoned movies or series (like Dirk Gently and Final Space on Netflix) or when the chosen ending sucks and either isn’t satisfying or doesn’t give enough closure to move on (like Umbrella Academy). My head needs to end the story, it creates scenes on its own and tries to conclude everything so that this horrible bitter feeling in my chest may disappear. It always does, with time, sometimes days or weeks. But now, I begin to question myself.

Last night (or rather this morning judging by the hour it was), I couldn’t fall asleep. Because of an amazing fan fiction, how pathetic. But the problem was, I got to the 11th installment of that story (which implies more than a week of very bad sleep schedules) and I decided to look how many chapters there would be in the next two parts after this one. Only to realize, the last update was in 2020. There was also something in the story itself that had started to bother me, but once I realised that I’ll never know how it ends anyway, I wondered if I should even continue to read it.

By chance, the other unfinished stories I read where short; only a one or two parts work and was read quite fast. But this one? Gosh, it’s so long and it’s probably never gonna get an ending? What should I do?

Should I always check if a story is entirely finished before I start reading? That’s not fair for the authors! But is it fair for me to just continue and torture my mind with unfinished works? I don’t know either.

The fact that I felt like writing a whole page about it shows that I’m struggling with that.

 What should I do? What Should I do? What should I do?

I know most unfinished stories stopped right before or during the pandemic, so it is understandable that life has changed a lot since then and I can’t blame anyone. But it still sucks.

And now, I’m scared to write my own stories. I swore to myself that I would provide an ending for every story as to make sure I wouldn’t do the same thing I so hate to live through. But what if I can’t finish them? What if my endings suck so much, I make someone go crazy like me? I don’t know. I’ll have to figure out something. Eventually. And I was so close to publishing a first chapter!

*sigh*

Anyway, I have homework on top of that so… yay! 🙄

[fjordfjord]

Dealing with Night Terrors

mine are getting worse, so I figured I'd post this to maybe help someone else. this sometimes works for me, may not work for you but hey what's the harm in trying? I'd appreciate any other suggestions on dealing with these, because they're not fun.

DETERMINE IF YOU'RE DREAMING

I find it helps the most to be aware of what's going on. determining if you're in a dream is the first step to deescalating it. here's some indicators I know of when it comes to dreaming (which may vary between individuals):

look down at your fingers and count them, is it the normal amount?

try to read (never works for me, but most people say they can't read in their dreams).

recognize the patterns in your dreams. if they're recurring, knowing the signs of them can be helpful here.

this ties a bit into 3, but if you forget your dreams, try writing them down right when you wake up. it's not a good idea to do this if you've just woken up from a nightmare and need to get back to sleep again. our nightmares are often due to our brains trying to resolve unsolved conflict during its downtime, and by remembering it, your brain may subconsciously perceive it as a problem that needs to be solved/a dangerous situation to be prepared for.¹ this will may it far more likely for the nightmare to resume.

pinch yourself or bite your lip. If there's no pain, only pressure, it's a dream. I know it may seem like a good idea to do this hard, but please don't. speaking from experience, you only need a little pinch to tell, and it's not worth creating wounds to do it.

sometimes, no matter what, there is no way to determine if you're dreaming. if things are moving too fast, or you're just caught up in whatever situation your mind has woven for you that night, you just have to work through it. believe me, I hate it as much as you do. making these dream-check indicators a habit for me has helped significantly with detecting dreams, though.

STAY CALM

once you determine you're dreaming, STAY CALM. if your dreams work anything like mine, they respond to whatever you're thinking. you think you got wings? tada, you got wings! you're scared there's a twelve legged mantis centipede lurking under that porch? tada! there it is under that porch- and boy is it hungry.

from here, you need to figure out what you want to do next. I find there's only two options: wake up, or try to lucid dream out of this hell. I'll include both, but personally I'd recommend trying to deescalate the nightmare instead of waking up (since it'll save you sleep and, from my experience, purposefully waking up becomes more difficult the more you do it over the years. no clue why).

HOW TO WAKE UP

this tends to be the best option if you're so shaken you can't calm down whatsoever and know the dream is beyond your control- bound to get worse. some ways I've found to wake up:

screw your eyes shut hard and harshly open them- sometimes, this can trigger the motion in your eyes in real life, which can wake you up. (worked great when I was younger, hardly works now and usually leaves me with sleep paralysis instead of actual wakefulness).

die in your dream. I say this as a paranoid, but please only do this if you know for sure you're dreaming. just throw yourself out a window or something, and be sure to convince yourself that whatever it is you're doing in the dream to die will kill you in the dream. also, this only works scarcely. I've heard some people can't die in their dreams anyway. unfortunately these are the only two methods I've found to waking up. here's a few I googled, but I personally haven't tried them yet.

fall asleep in your dream²

try to read in your dream²

call out for help in your dream²

the last one has NEVER helped me, only made my dreams worse, but hey, I believe in you.

BORING, SIMPLE WAY TO LUCID DREAM

your other option is to try and lucid dream. the only way I've been able to pull this off is to stay calm and just think about what I want to happen in the dream. I get the best results sleep-wise with this, but often I am so scared in the moment I just want to be out of the dream no matter what, so no shame if you feel the same.

I see there's also tech you can buy to "help lucid dream." I don't know about you, but I personally don't have $200 lying around to fork over for some device that might not even work, and haven't tried them.

SLEEP PARALYSIS

same goes for regular dreams- if you recognize you can't move in bed- STAY CALM. I find the horrible creatures™ won't come out if you don't panic. the only surefire way I know to wake up from these is to slowly start wiggling your fingers, then your other body parts as you regain access to them.

the few sources I have for this post:

University of Turku, Create a Happy Ending to Nightmares

Healthline, 5 Lucid Dreaming Techniques to Try

Katja Valli, the professor interviewed in the first article, has very interesting dream studies on her ResearchGate if anyone's interested.

please remember that all nightmares are just that- nightmares. you're not in any danger because of them, they have no indication of what may happen in the future, and you're not crazy. it's okay to be scared waking up from them because they're fucking scary. the human brain is complex and incredibly stupid in its design for coming up with these.

[blog-reflection]

ONE / Thirty - The Gang

What. The. Fuck? 

I woke up, panicky looking around, touching myself. I was sweaty from fear. What was that? I looked at my phone. There was a video playing, a porn to be exact. I slowly started to piece everything together. I was tired and have been looking at the video. Out of pure tiredness I must have fallen asleep while the video was still on. The sound has triggered my brain and created this whole scenario. There was no hotel, nor a group. Just my imagination playing tricks on me. I was as relieved as I was disturbed by my own capability. 

I gazed at the alarm clock on my right side. Two in the morning. Right, as if I could ever wake up to a normal time for once in my life. Well since I’m awake like I’ve been drinking energy nonstop, I might as well get up in total. I looked down the stairs into the hallway which was dark. Meaning Sarah must still be in bed. If she’d been awake, the floor would shimmer in the living room's light. But nothing. Also no smell of toast so she hasn't eaten yet. It’s crazy how fast I get used to the habits of others that are around me. I mean I’m living here for a few but still. I got in front of my computer and stared at the screen, waiting for it to turn on, which it did about two minutes later. My computer is nothing compared to Henry. I mean yeah I could check Henry for those updates as well but he’s still busy processing the last data update. To be honest it kinda bums me that Henry is as buff as he is while my computer is suffering, but we all have to watch out for our resources. 

Discord was the first thing that popped right into my face. Multiple messages have been listed as unread. There is a friend invite from Midas, the guy I met a few days ago when I slept at Lucia's place. There have been a few messages from Jessen and two from Ethan. Wait…ETHAN? I stood up and fell face first into my bed. After a small break of my pure excitement I went back to my pc. Okay, let’s do this. 

Discord conversation 

@GreenOtter Yesterday at 11.46pm Hey I just wanted to check if everything is alright. I haven’t seen you in the last few days. I mean I haven’t seen you before but I saw your friend. I assume you don’t live here then? Well that’s a shame. Anyways, where do you live then? I guess I can easily come around if you want me to.  

@GreenOtter Today at 12.50pm I hope that I don’t come across like a total creep scaring you away like that. I promise, I didn’t mean to! I was just wondering if you’d like to meet up for a coffee sometime. Anyhow ttyl Jam!

Oh my goddess he called me Jam, a nickname, already? Wait no I’m stupid, that’s literally my nick on discord. Nevermind then. However, how cute is that! I mean I have no Idea what to answer but I’m sure I’ll do so! The fact alone that I started blushing when I read this message says enough doesn't it. But before I do that, let’s check out Jesse’s annoying ass. 

Discord conversation 

@J3ss3 Yesterday at 11.46pm Yo yo yoooo You won’t believe it! Guess who’s now a happier woman than ever before!?!? Petal’s so happy about the fact that you made those changes. She was so happy and teary when I showed her the info display. It worked all flawlessly, according to plan, as the cool kids these days say! Nonetheless, I made a Server for all 3 of us! If you want we can even add Lucia!!! OH man this will be the beginning of something great I can tell ya!!!

@J3ss3 Today at 12.50pm Oh and Petal loves the Idea with the Icerink, she’s already on it to get tickets for the gang. Please join the server! Anyway buyeeeee

Well, first I’m more than happy that Petal is happy now and that all programming did what it had to do. Second, *the gang*? What are we? A bunch of stupid soccer lads??? Nothing against people that play soccer, I just never understood why you let 20 people chase a ball when you could have 20 puppies chasing the same ball. It just doesn't end up to me. But I guess it doesn't need to. Soo let’s see, the link is there. The profile picture is just a really….really ugly one of Jesse holding a kitten into their phone. Not sure if the kitten wanted to end there though. I assume it’s either Pixel, Sniffer or Lucian but I’m not sure it was dark when I saw them at Jesse's place. 

I did have to gag a tiny bit while reading the title of the server. They literally called it “the gang��� with an ugly star next to it. They better want it to look like it’s freshly baked in trash rather than a real approche on creating a fitting server for us. Well… We are kind of trash so they might have done a pretty decent job. 

Anyhow, let’s see what is in there and if I’m prepared.- I was not. 

This server could’ve also simply been one that was abandoned and then found by two toddlers who smeared paint all over it to make it look .. pretty? Literally, if the world would end, this would be the outcome. 

On the other hand, I get to see Petal! Her nick is relatively unspecial, being Petals. However her profile picture is just amazing. It’s a picture of her, but drawn in a really cool style. It looks like concept art, but all the lines,  the colours, everything is clear. She, no caps, looks like a Kpop Idol that was thrown into a game. I’m not sure if that’s an outfit she really owns or if she just made it all up to fit the vibe. Nonetheless, let’s get into this mess.  

Discord Server “The Gang ✩*⋆ “ conversation 

@J3ss3 Today at 2.00am So if we get there at ten we might as well get snacks prior to that?

@Petals Today at 2.05am Oh my yes please! Everyone likes snacks. 

—> @Fallen_Jam joined the Server! Today 2.43am

@Fallen_Jam Today at 2.43am Hellou

@J3ss3 Today at 2.45am Yo bitch you made it! Happy welcome to you!

@Fallen_Jam Today at 2.45am THIS IS THE FUCKN FIRST THING YOU SAY TO ME??!!?

@Petals Today at 2.47am JAMES?!?! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!! THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!

@Fallen_Jam Today at 2.48am Haha I get paid for that lol. I hope it wasn’t too bad of an experience for you though :/

Happy you liked the surprise tho!

@Petals Today at 2.50am I did yeah big big big thx! Also, I was about to order the tickets for the ice rink if you still wanna come with us. They have a group ticket so if you have another one we could save some money ^^

@J3ss3 Today at 2.45am Maybe Lucia likes to come? She’s super fun. I bet Petal would love her too!

@Fallen_Jam Today at 2.48am Aktually, let me recheck something. I’ll answer later, gtg doing some stuff. Cya!

That’s it. I could ask Ethan out to join us at the ice rink. Lucia is already busy with school and being famous, so he’d be the best standin. Apart from that. Jesse could check him out as well. I trust Jesse and, well, he’d been writing with Amadeus back then so getting their view on the situation might even help. And Jesse could already meet him, and the other way around. I mean, I’m not sure if he’s able to skate on ice but if he can’t he could hold my hand. This Idea might be the best I had in forever. 

All right, I’m going to ask him now. 

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

Someone said I was invalidating the experiences of abused children today and I got angry and I got triggered and I wrote a 705 word short story on my personal experience of being an abused child so here’s that.

Obvious trigger warnings for abuse and shit.

I am scared of street signs. 

Specifically the ones that tell you the speed limit. 

It didn’t matter much when I was younger. I could read a book or play with my Barbies and I was none the wiser to which street signs we passed on our drives. 

It got a bit more complicated when I started driving on my own. Operating a vehicle was stressful enough without the overwhelming panic that set in every time I had to look for the speed limit. I had to get one of those fancy cars with the screens that told you what the speed limit was, simply because I couldn’t look at the signs on the side of the road like a normal person. 

We couldn’t afford it. But my mother saved up all her money, and helped me get a loan, and she made it work like she always did. Instead of being excited, I felt bad the day she pulled up in my shiny new car that was more expensive than anything she’d ever bought for herself. 

It wasn’t her fault that I was so scared of something so stupid. 

I’m scared of a lot of stupid things. Most of them have a story behind it, but some of those stories I can’t even remember now. It’s funny, because most of the things that terrify me are things I used to love. 

Wild flower fields, nightlights, television remotes. Diving boards, showers, ashtrays, beer cans. I’m scared of the smell of cigarette smoke and pink dog collars and Christmas-tree-patterned wrapping paper. I’m scared of exercise machines, I’m scared of eating too fast, I’m scared of street signs, and I’m scared of him. 

I used to love most of those things. The things I’m most scared of. Or, at the very least, I thought I did. Maybe my brain just blocks out some of the reasons they terrify me so much now. And sometimes it’s easy to think that they don’t scare me. That I’m only being dramatic. 

But then I remember the car, and my mom, and the feeling of absolute panic when I so much as think of a speed limit sign. I’m not being dramatic. 

It’s not her fault, though I’m sure she blames herself. I blamed her for a while. But I didn’t tell her until I was 12, and I didn’t let on to just how bad it was until I was 18 and he legally had no claim over me anymore. I didn’t want to deal with any more Child Services Agents and I knew she would make me. He’d already given up visitation rights, anyway. 

Oh, yeah: I’m scared of Child Services Interviews. 

I’m sure my mother blames herself, but it wasn’t her fault that she had a kid with a monster. She didn’t know. She couldn’t have. I had made sure she didn’t. 

I often wonder if all kids in my situation have so many irrational fears. I wonder if they remember the reasons behind those fears. I only remember half of my own stories, really. I tell people I was too young to remember. My therapist disagrees - she says I probably just blocked out the trauma. 

All of my irrational fears have a story, and every single story relates back to my singular rational fear: him. 

But this story is about street signs, and I do remember that. 

This story starts in a PT Cruiser. There’s a five-year-old bouncing in her seat with her hand out the window. She has known pain at this point, but she luckily doesn’t remember. This story starts with laughter, and the desire to be helpful, and a called out “35 miles per hour!” to which Mamma laughs along. 

This story ends in a Dodge. There is an eight-year-old crying in her seat with her head against the window. She has known pain at this point, and the new bruise on her cheek will not let her forget. This story ends with tears, and the burn of a cigarette on skin, and a shouted “I know the damn speed limit” from a father who does not know the monster he has started to create. 

This story ends with a fear of street signs.

[pan-ick]

Golden Child Pt. 1

I literally can't remember where I found it but I read a headcannon for an angsty SBI +Reader and I loved it so much that I had to write something similar to it but I think I might have forgotten to like it, so if you know what the original is please tell me so I can credit them I was partially inspired by@helliontherapscallion's "Adrenaline Junkie" series, simply for the fact that because of them i haven't stopped thinking of inventor reader. Also let's just pretend that uh my human biology degree isn't going to waste by me writing blindness incorrectly ha ha. This is a purely fictional way that blindness works.

(REMINDER YOU IDIOT, FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS STORY: Wilbur is 26, Techno is 20, Tommy is 16, Phil is 32, SO READER IS 22, GET IT RIGHT AND STOP MESSING UP)

As soon as Y/N's wings started developing, they were instantly the favorite child. Philza still showed his love to Wilbur, but nowhere near as much as he did to his winged child. If he had to choose between spending time with them or Wilbur, he'd pick them in a heartbeat. Wilbur was usually upset when this happened, but he had gotten used to it and had learned ways to cope with it.

This was until Techno showed up. On their doorstep. Next to a freezing Philza who had sacrificed most his warmth to the young piglin. Wilbur had his thoughts on this, yhough he kept them to himself. But Y/N couldn't be happier! This meant a new friend, AND they were right when they said that Phil was just a nice person, there wasn't a favorite child! Right?

They quickly realized that Techno wasn't their friend, as the first interaction they had together was them getting a claw to the face by the piglin. Philza just simply sighed and made sure the wound would stop bleeding before tending back to the scared pig.

Y/N was only eight at the time, they didn't know what they were feeling. But whatever it was didn't feel good.

Since that day, Y/N was the new Wilbur and 'Technoblade' was the golden child. Y/N wanted the spotlight back, so they tried hard at everything. Nothing ever worked. Nothing was better than what Techno could do. Nothing was more amazing than Techno's knowledge, or his skills in fighting, or his odd way of speaking, or those stupid things that he did, or the fact that he'd always blame it on some 'voices' in his head. That he had a God complex. That he was better than Wilbur. He was better than Tommy. He was better than you...

He was always better than you. Of course. Thats what you felt when you first met. Not amazement, not the happiness of having another friend. Of course not. It was overwhelming jealousy. But he was your brother, so you had to suck it up just like Wilbur did.

But soon enough, they came to peace with this. They moved on and worked on what they actually enjoyed, not what Philza enjoyed. Mechanics. Phil would have killed you if he learned of all the dangers that you put yourself through to consider yourself an inventor. Or.... Would he?

One day your older brother approached you with his idea to create "L'manburg". At first you couldn't help but laugh. But when it was realized that Wilbur wasn't joking and that he had already recruited Tommy, they agreed to join the fight for freedom. It was a way to pay Wilbur back for being there for them, afterall.

Y/N never imagined the true horrors that they would have to go through so they could say a 'thank you' to Wilbur. They never even truly said it to him, L'manburg was already exploded and he was killed before they could say it to him. Not even saying it to Ghostbur was good enough.

Y/N was forced to suffer through watching her loved ones go mad. Sometimes, they would try coming up with inventions that could help her friends out, and some that could help some regular problems in the world for other people. Most of them didn't work, they were only able to produce goggles that could just barely help fully blind people see. But it was a step in the right direction.

Then doomsday came. Y/N didn't want to be part of it, they didn't want to even try hurting their father and younger brother. They aren't even sure how they came to that point.

Before they knew it, they were begging the man who once gave them anything in the world for him to stop. The whole server was one big family especially everyone in the homes he was about to destroy. But what they wanted didn't matter anymore. It's what Technoblade wanted, and he wanted blood.

At the last moment, Y/N remembered Friend. Ghostbur would be devastated if Friend died.

Falling down to the ground from the small warning of TNT, Friend flooded their mind.

If they couldn't save L'Manburg, they needed to save Friend. Ghostbur wasn't the same, but Ghostbur is Wilbur. They still never said thank you. They have to show their gratitude through the miracle of Friend surviving.

And so that's what they set off to do. With no mind to their own self-preservation, Y/N got up and flew as fast as they could to save Friend. But before they could reach the sheep, a large pile of rubble fell on one of their wings, almost snapping it right off. Y/N tried to get it off but to no avail, and their whole body wasn't safe. As they saw more rubble they crouched down while covering their head with their hands and covering the undamaged wing with their body, they prepared for impact.

The last thing they could speak out was almost incomprehensible.

"Wil..... Will...... Ghosbu.............. Tommy.......... Dad............."

And then everything went black. Y/N couldn't see or feel anything. Not even after her youngest brother, the ghost of her older brother, and the three fiances of the SMP untrapped them. There was nothing.

After what felt like years for the brothers, there was finally a glimpse of Y/N waking up. But they continued to drift in and out of consciousness and whenever someone tried communicating they were completely unresponsive.

During this amount of time, it was agreed that it was in their best interest for their wings to be removed. They were both utterly useless now after being crushed and would just be extra weight with unnecessary pain that can be avoided the sooner their wings get removed. Just in case Y/N was still aware of everything going on, they were put under amnesia to lower the chance of them feeling the agony of a wing removal surgery.

Slowly Y/N began more responsive to people, but never to the same amount. Everyone that took care of them were absolutely heartbroken when they figured out part of the rock that fell on them damaged a vital organ that allowed a person to see. Luck was in fact on their side for damaging their eyesight instead of the brain, however most people didn't see it that way.

Ghostbur took it upon himself to become Y/N's seeing-eye dog. He missed having Friend nearby and Y/N was the thing he connected to the most after Friend's death.

After a few months of trying to get used to no longer having sight or wings Y/N was finally allowed back in their lab with a large amount of supervision from Ghostbur. While carefully running their hands across some unfinished inventions, Y/N comes across the goggles that they made at least a year ago. It immediately smarked a memory deep within their brain, the closest thing they had felt to seeing something ever since doomsday.

"Ghostbur, what color are these?" "Oh, they're blue. Blue's a really nice color, it reminds me of Friend. Do you remember Frien- Why are you looking down at those like that? Would you like some blue, it takes your sadness away! Wait dont put them on, the glass has cracks!" Y/N snickers as the ghost tries to take them away from them without being super forceful, "I'm already blind, what's the worst it can do?"

"Dont say that!" Ghostbur gasps, "We will find a way to get your vision back, those goggles might make it impossible!"

"I made these around the time you first showed up. I ran multiple tests with them and I was able to help a blind person see the world again. Sure, it was very blurry, hard to distinguish a lot of colors from each other, we have a different kind of blindness, and its been more that a year since I last tested them, but they might still work." Y/N explains, then they turn their back to Ghostbur and put the goggles on. This time, Ghostbut only makes a sound in protest.

Blinking, Y/N could feel the stimulation in their brain that they lost along with their eyesight come back. They moved their hands from the position they were in to put the invention on to Y/N's line of sight, and they could see their hands again. Fuzzy, shapeless, hands with a few bandaids and many scars on them.

"So, are they working?"

The voice of your brother brings Y/N back to reality and they turn to look at him. They had completely forgotten what Ghostbur looked like, only remembering vaguely what child Wilbur looked liked and a brief description of how Ghostbur's appearance differed for Wilbur's.

Y/N wraps their arms around the Ghost, not actually hugging but just doing the motion to where they would hug a person they could actually touch, as they tried to not cry in front of him.

(WOOOOOO THIS ENDED UP A LOT LONGER THAN I EXPECTED AND I'M NOT EVEN DONE YET, SO I SEPARATED IT INTO TWO PARTS)

[vintage-marina]

A woman out of time ( James Norrington x F!reader) Chapter 1

Marvel crossover pirates of the caribbean

TW: blood, gore, aliens, violence and durther in the story depressing thoughts and suicidal thoughts

A few weeks ago i had the idea to write a reader fic with a crossover of marvel and pirates of the carabbean, yep the most random idea that i had

summary: After y/n got a call that they can bring the half of the population back, she takes the chance and goes to the compound, but when she wants to go back to New York 2013 she finds herself on the middle of a ship. I think i’m gonna ship her with James Norrington tho.

btw you can also read it on wattpad, my name is mischief-moony

word count: 1973 words

Wakanda 2018

Before everything went down

You heard footsteps outside your house that signaled that a few people were nearby, you threw your book on the floor and stepped outside and when you did you saw Bucky. King T'Challa, Okoye, and a few soldiers were walking to your cabins. You saw that one of the soldiers were holding a suitcase and dread filled you up, something is happening. Bucky and you were walking to them in a silence that neither of you wanted to break and you saw that in the suit laid his arm.

 ''Where is the fight?'' mumbeled Bucky after he glanced at his vibranium arm, he didn't look happy to use it again. In fact he probably thought about the time when he did not had a choice, but to use it. You glanced down, you wern't scared to fight, if you have to then you have to. But not knowing who to fight was frightening to you.

You and Bucky got taken to the weaponry room, you glanced into the mirror and moved your (right/left) arm, this arm felt new. Not a bad new, but a good new, a chance at staring a new life and maybe now you will never get it. You grimaced and didn't want to think about it anymore, ''Buck, do you know what's happening?'' ''No, but it has something to do with Steve. It always has.'' ''Fair enough,'' the both of you chuckled for a few seconds and after that you composed yourself, your expression serious. You took a taser, two handpistols and a few knifes and buckeld it on your belt, somehow it felt it wasn't enough and you took a bomb. The medpack on your back did not felt heavy and you saw that Bucky took a M249 SAW. ''And you think that firearm will be enough? You know, it is pretty serious if Wakanda need the help of two oldies'' you pointed to him with a knife, he grumbled but to your happiness he took a handpistol. After this Okoye walked to the both of you and explained what was happening.

Meeting your best pals Steve, Natasha and ofcourse your other colleagues

Bucky and you went outside and you saw that Steve, Natasha, Sam, Wanda, Vision, Rhodey and Bruce? Is he not missing? were walking out of the quinjet, King T'Challa was walking with them and lead them to you two. You heard T'Challa asking how big the assault is, Bruce answered that they shoud expect a big one and Natasha asked how big their army is. ''You will have my Kingsguard, the Border Tribe, the Dora Milaje and..'' ''And a semi-stable 100-year old man'' ''And a mentally unstable 100-year old woman'' Bucky and you flashed a smile towards them and you flew into Natasha her arms while Bucky hugged Steve. Afterwards you gave a bone crushing hug to Steve and you whispered that you missed him.

During the battle

Everyone stood behind the border that protected Wakanda and you saw that aliens were running toward you, they looked like a mix between a dog and a rat and you didn't expect this shit, yes you were scared at this point. Next to you stood Bucky, Steve and Natasha, "What the hell" mumbeled Bucky and if you weren't in a life threathing situation, you would have laughed but now, now not. Some of these aliens were breaking through the border but were killing themselves, but some of them were making it through, the Wakandan army were making shields with their clothing and were shooting lasers out of their vibranium spears. Bucky, you and Natasha were shooting while Sam and Rhodey were in the sky. Bruce was in the Hulkbuster and stood behind you and the army.  Rhodey flew to the border and you saw that a few bombs were dropping that created a massive chain reaction, you could hear the screams of the aliens that were dying but you could see that the dogs behind the border were going to Vision and were he was laying there was no border, shit he is gonna be in danger. But Bruce beat you to it, before you could say anthing.

''Cap if these things circle the perimeter and get in behind us, there's nothing between them and Vision'' ''Then we better keep 'em in front of us.'' ''How do we do that?'' asked Okoye to T'Challa and you saw that the was thinking. ''We open the barrier. On my signal, open North-West Section Seventeen'' he shouted somthing in Xhosa, you saw that Steve was activating his shield and that T'Challa's army were dropping their shields. You were moving your shoulders and stood in position, ready to kill a bunch of aliens. This was unlike what you saw in the war or what you did in the war but you knew that you should give your everything. The border that protected you was dissolving and you heard T'Challa shouting: ''Wakanda forever!''

You were running and so did everyone else, your heartrate went up and you took the blades out of your belt, Steve and T'Challa ran ahead but you and Bucky ran with the army. The first few aliens were running to you and you threw your knife in their eye and slid on the ground while you were gliding on the grass, you plunged your knife in another one's belly and cutted him open. It screamed and before you knew it it was dead, but the other alien was not. You took your knife out of the carcas and threw it in the head of the other alien. You plucked your two blades out of it's head and it's eye and hastily you stood up and scanned your surroundings.

But you didn't had much time, three other aliens were attacking your back that send you flying to the ground, you let out a yelp. Their claws were dangerously close to your face and something snapped in your head. Your mind went on autopilot and you teared an arm off and you gave it a kick to it's belly. You drew your pistol and sent a bullet to the other two aliens their  heart and head. You could feel on your back that you had been scratched but you shook it off and went further.

The minutes flew by and you couldn't even remember what you were doing to them, you saw that Okoye needed a little bit of help and you gave her back cover. ''Are you okay?'' she asked while the two of you circeled around the aliens, you hummed but it didn't reassured her. ''I don't think we are going to win it'' you said, she didn't gave a response but instead killed an alien. You heard someone talking to you in your ear, ''I can't hear you, speak louder'' you commanded and slammed an alien to the ground. ''Y/N, someone needs medical help, I will sent you the coördinates come fast!'' you heard Natasha talking to you and you bid Okoye farwell and you cleared your way between the aliens and the people. 

When you arrived you saw that Nathasha gave pressure on the wound of a soldier, ''Nat you need to give me cover while I treat her alright?'' You saw that she was from the Dora Milaje, you took off your medpack and opened it quickly and kneeled down. Adreneline rushed to your body and you took a bottle of water out of the pack and rinshed the wound. ''How did it happen?'' you asked to her, in the hope she didn't pass out. ''I got clawed, but I will survive'' she mumbeled, you softly talked to her while you disinfected the wound. You sliced the plastic of a sterile towel of and depped the wound clean, there was blood on your hands and you smeared it off on your suit. Natasha was shooting some aliens and said to you that you needed to hurry up. Your stress level went up a bit when she said that and you stichted the soldeir up and covered the wound incase if it went bleeding again. ''Nat, you can go, I will protect her'' after you said that she went away and you stood your ground and eyed your surroundings.

You didn't knew how much time had passed, hope was slowely running out of your system and you were certain that you were losing. Aliens were around you and you felt desperate, you did your best to protect her and sometimes you got help from someone else, it wasn't easy to check on her and to kill aliens but you managed. Suddenly an axe went flying around and killed some aliens around you. What the hell is happening you thought to yourself, not that you were ungrateful, you were very grateful but you didn't know who it was, until something suddenly clicked in your brain, Thor. 

After Thor joined the fight with a raccoon with a gun and a walking tree? You thought you could finally win this battle and have a good nap after this, but alas you were wrong, very wrong. A few meters further you saw that Steve was protecting Vision and Wanda. You turned around and asked in Xhosa if she need any further medical assistence or that she would manage it. The soldier sent you away and you joined Steve, you didn't expect the guy who is supposed to be the most evil person in the universe purple but you also saw a man with red skin and without a nose when you served the army so it didn 't really surprise you. More people joined the fight and when you threw your bomb and fire your last bullets, Thanos raised his fist towards it and reversed the time so it couldn't explode, then he aimed at you and fired the bomb back. ''Shit'' you mumbled, you flew across the air and yelled in pain. A few splinters from the bomb scratched your face and neck, you could fell blood prickle on your skin from the splinters that were stuck in your body. Your ears were ringing and you shut your eyes tight from the bright light, sniffing the air you could smell burning flesh and you softly cried, you didn't want to see the aftermath of what happend to you. Some people were yelling, but black dots were clouding your eyes and with your tears you couldn't see well. How can he do this, what did we do to deserve this, the more you thinked the more your head hurted, maybe a little rest wouldn't hurt and with that on your mind you blacked out.

 When you opened your E/C eyes you whimpered in pain, signaling to the remaining people that you were awake. You saw Steve in your field of vision and you could see that his eyes were red. You lifted your arm and cradled his face with your vibranium arm, you furrowed your eyebrows and wiped a few tears away. ''You've been crying, Stevie'' a nickname that he only heard from you when you were concerned about him. ''What happend?'' you whispered softly after you gave him a reassuring smile, he didn't meet your eyes but looked to the left of you. You turned your head, but you wished you hadn't, your eyes met the blank stare of Vision and you let out a startling scream. Terror was running through your veins and tears of dispair were filling your eyes and falling on your cheeks. You reached out your arm towards him but you only could feel the cold of his vibranium body and if you looked better you could see the pile of ashes that laid besides him. Your arm fell to the ground and you sniffed, ''What happened here Steve?''

[corpsedaydream]

point of view

corpse husband x reader

word count: 2.4k

_______________________________

pov

Growing up, you’d spent so many afternoon and nights in your childhood bedroom scribbling down notes into diaries. Some of it was reality, some of it was fantasy, but all of it was you. Once you were done, you would hide the journals all over your room, they were for your eyes only but your brother use to have a habit of finding them and reading them and teasing you if you happened to write about a boy you had a crush on.

Ironically, when you’d first started talking to Corpse, before he became your boyfriend, your brother had caught you sending him some heart emojis, and even as grown ups, he still teased you about it.

You weren’t surprised that hadn’t changed, but something that did change that did take you by surprise is how that hobby of writing brought you to where you were in your career.

You were on your way to your boyfriends place and in the passenger seat of your car was a CD. In a very early 2000s style, there was writing scribbled onto it done with a black sharpie and the letters read, ‘POV demo’. You could feel nervous butterflies gathering in your stomach as you neared closer and closer to Corpse’s place.

You’d had an incredible past few days. Writing always felt like something for fun, never something that would actually be a career prospect but when your YouTube videos of you sharing your original song ideas started to take off, people started to notice. Someone in particular being Ariana Grande. She’d fallen in love with your writing style and wanted to work with you to create a song for her next album, so of course you graciously and excitedly agreed.

It seemed you and Ariana were in similar phases of your life, both falling in love with someone who seemed so perfect for you. So the song came so easily for you, all you had to do was think of Corpse.

Your car came to a stop out the front of his place and you took in a few deep breaths as you unbuckled your seatbelt and picked up the CD from beside you. You’d written about Corpse before, but never something that was as confessional and honest as this song was.

Will he even like it? You thought to yourself and for a second you contemplated placing the CD under your car to run over it to destroy it. But you wanted him to hear it before it was released to the world. So with one last deep breath you shook your head to try to send the nervous thoughts to the back part of your brain as you exited your car with the disc that had the song on it in hand.

The time between knocking on his front door and him coming to open it had never felt this long before. You were chewing on your bottom lip and your forefinger was picking at the corner of your thumb nail as you anxiously waited. Then when the door opened, you spoke up before Corpse even had a chance to greet you. “I have a surprise for you!” You blurted out as you stepped inside and avoided bumping into him.

Corpse had a humoured yet confused expression as he watched you slip past him, usually you greeted each other with an exchange of touch, but you were barely looking at him right now and seemingly keeping your distance. “What-”

“No, please don’t say anything.” You held your hand up that wasn’t holding the CD as a signal to shoosh your boyfriend. “I have to show you right now before I change my mind.” You were visibly nervous, he could see it so clearly in you right now, so he listened and kept quiet. He wanted you to feel okay, but now you had spiked his curiosity, he had to know what the surprise was. “Can I put a disc in this?” You asked as you walked to a laptop that sat on his coffee table and sat down on the floor to place the CD beside it so you could inspect.

“A disc for what?” He was puzzled by the question.

“Just answer!” You didn’t mean to snap at him, this was supposed to be a good surprise, but god your heart was beating so fast and it felt like it was lodged in your throat. You were about to spill your heart out to him like you never had before and you were terrified of a potential rejection if he thought it was too much. Instead of questioning or arguing or snapping back at you, he neared you instead. Corpse could see your hands shaking a little and you were hunched in on yourself. Usually you were the confident one of the two of you so seeing you in this insecure state was something he wasn’t exactly used to. However, he had seen it before, but only a very few times. As confident and bright as you were, he’d been slowly learning your more deep seeded fears and vulnerabilities, so he was learning how to handle it when you were in a state like this.

“Hey,” He called for your attention as he crouched down beside you his voice ever so calm, one of his hands coming to land on the small of your back and his other grabbed hold of one of your hands. “Look at me.”  Finally, you did. With your bottom lip caught between your teeth you turned your head and found his gaze, your eyes flickered between his, you were still so nervous. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

“I mean, yeah, I am. I’m just-” You cut yourself off and you broke away from his gaze.

“Just what?”

“Scared.”

At that answer, his hand on your back rounded around you further as he let go of your hand so he could instead shift closer to you again and use that hand to bring it to the side of your face, encouraging you to turn to him again. “Why are you scared?”

“I’ve really just got to show you this.” Was the only answer you could give him without spoiling what the surprise was.

“Do you want to?” How badly he wanted to know what the surprise was, but he wouldn’t push for it if it caused you to be more on edge.

“Yeah.” You answered him and he smiled before leaning in to kiss you.

“Go ahead then, baby.” Corpse told you after you broke apart, his hands falling from you as you scooted forward to be in front of the laptop and he leant back against the couch.

One last time, you looked back at him over your shoulder, you were more in front of him now, but he was still within an arms length. He nodded fervently at you, watching with interest as turned your attention back to the laptop and opened the device and inserted the disc. With a few clicks, the beginning of the song started to play and you dropped your vision to your hands that sat in your lap before the first lyrics were sung.

It's like you got superpowers Turn my minutes into hours You got more than 20-20, babe

Hearing this, Corpse sucked in a quick breath, it was clicking in his mind what the surprise was.

Made of glass the way you see through me

He directed his gaze to the back of your head, how he wished he could see your face right now, but he knew you must have needed to be facing away from him right now to feel okay with doing this.

You know me better than I do Can't seem to keep nothing from you How you touch my soul from the outside? Permeate my ego and my pride

You spent so much time laughing and joking around, you were a very playful person and sometimes, you found it hard to get more serious. Corpse had been one of the only people to be able to see through this, to be able to reach a more exposed part of you. And as he listened to those lyrics, he recounted a time the two of you were wine drunk and and it was one of the first times you’d ever really opened up to him. But then right after, you’d attempted to laugh it off and he stopped you and made you feel okay with not having to seem like you were at 100% all the time, especially with him.

I wanna love me The way that you love me Ooh, for all of my pretty And all of my ugly too I'd love to see me from your point of view I wanna trust me The way that you trust me Ooh, 'cause nobody ever loved me like you do I'd love to see me from your point of view

The chorus played and Corpse couldn’t help himself, he leant forward slightly to make contact with your elbow. And even though nothing was said, you understood fully what he wanted, because you did too. Your hand left your lap and without turning your head towards him, you reached your arm behind you, he grabbed your hand once more, intertwining your fingers with his.

I'm gеtting used to receiving Still gеtting good at not leaving I'ma love you even though I'm scared

These lyrics caused his hand to squeeze tighter around yours. It was only a few weeks ago the two of you had a pretty big fight, although it was only born out of fear and it ended in tears. When you were apologising, you’d told him you were so happy he was still with you and you’d also opened up to him about how with every past relationship, you never let yourself get in too deep, you always made a run for it before your heart was too in it. But you didn’t want that to happen with Corpse.

Learning to be grateful for myself You love my lips 'cause they say the Things we've always been afraid of I can feel it starting to subside Learning to believe in what is mine

The chorus began to play again and Corpse tugged on your hand.

I wanna love me The way that you love me Ooh, for all of my pretty And all of my ugly too I'd love to see me from your point of view

At first, you didn’t respond, and he really didn’t want to interrupt the song, but he wanted you to be in his arms so badly. “Come here.” He tugged again and this time, you finally moved. Your hands broke apart as you scooted back to sit beside him where he was still leaning against the couch and as soon as you were there, his arms came around you, pulling you in so close.

I wanna trust me The way that you trust me Ooh, 'cause nobody ever loved me like you do I'd love to see me from your point of view

Your heart was beating so hard and your cheeks were flushed as you nestled your head into his neck.

I couldn't believe it, or see it for myself Know I be impatient, but now I'm out here Falling, falling, frozen, slowly thawing, got me right

His arms were around you so tight and your emotions were running so high. Tears were pooling in your eyes as your hand grabbed ahold of his shirt, the material pulling taut as your hand tightened into a fist over the material.

I won't keep you waiting All my baggage fading, safely And if my eyes deceive me Won't let them stray too far away

Corpse turned his head in order to be able to press his lips against your forehead as the chorus begun to play out one last time.

I wanna love me The way that you love me Ooh, for all of my pretty And all of my ugly too

Just like earlier, one of his hands would come to cup around the side of your face, encouraging you to look at him again. With his aid, you’d move your head out from the hiding spot you’d found in the form of his neck.

I'd love to see me from your point of view

Corpse swiped his thumb across your cheeks upon seeing that a few tears had spilled over the edges of your eyelids, you were still keeping your eyesight down.

I wanna trust me, ooh The way that you trust me, baby

He’d dip his head then, still trying to connect eye contact. You’d glance up and much to your surprise, tears had begun to bubble in Corpse’s eyes too. You’d let out the softest gasp and your hand would lift to grab a hold of his wrist of his hand that was still cradling the side of your face.

'Cause nobody ever loved me like you do

As the songs last lines were playing, the two of you moved your faces closer together to meet for a passionate kiss.

I'd love to see me from your point of view

The both of you poured every emotion you were currently feeling into the physical display of love and adoration. Deepening the kiss, you’d kneel up briefly so you could climb into his lap and sling your arms around his neck and his arm would tighten around you.

When you both parted to catch a breath, you’d have your foreheads resting against one another until you lift your head back up to look at Corpse properly.

“Did you like it?”

He smiled and shook his head in disbelief at your question, how could you not know that the answer already? “I loved it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“It’s everything I’ve always wanted to say to you.” Yet again, you moved your eyes away from his.

He could see that still, you were feeling vulnerable about sharing the song with him. “Baby,” And once again, he was using his hand against the side of your face to coax your eyesight back to his. “It was perfect.” He assured you and he would feel so pleased to finally see a smile appearing on your face. “Should we only communicate in songs now?” He’d joke and he’d feel even more delighted to hear you laugh.

“I love you.” You’d tell him.

“I love you, too.” He’d reply.

“No, like, I really fucking love you.”

“I get it, because I really fucking love you.”

The both of you would laugh again and when it subsided, you shared another kiss.

“Play the song again.”

[mistaeq]

Hope u don't mind me requesting again but I was wondering if u could do headcanons for the crusaders with a reader who likes to quote memes or vines like when she's got an idea of some sort she's just like "oh yeah, big brain time" or they're in a fight with an enemy she's like "I'ma bad b*tch you can't kill me", I just wanna see their reaction to someone with that chaotic energy (sorry if this doesn't make sense ':>)

Stardust Crusaders: With a s/o who Quotes Memes and Vines

TW // none

Thank you for your request! I genuinely had a lot of fun writing this idea for these five dorky men <3 enjoy!

Stardust Crusaders with a s/o who's often quoting memes and Vines, had to be fem!s/o, but I didn't need to point out reader's gender while writing, so it turned out kinda neutral.

WORD COUNT: 1.3k

KUJO JOTARO

He's annoyed by your habit most of the time, but he can't deny that sometimes the result is pretty hilarious, above all when you happen to do it when fighting against enemy stand users.

Jotaro was trying to figure out a way to attack without being noticed, to make sure it could be effective and quick, when he heard you whisper "Big brain time", and the second after, you suddenly screamed at the top of your lungs, yeeting your stand against the enemy stand user.

"YOU'RE TRYING TO FUCK WITH MY HOMIES RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD?" screeching more or less the same way Stroheim would have done years ago, you guide your attack, your stand successfully making the enemy retire.

He tries to look annoyed and pissed, but you still managed to win, and he must admit he's a proud boyfriend. Jotaro is silently complimenting you, in his mind. Still, he scolds you. You acted in an irresponsible way and you could get really hurt.

When you see him so pissed over your behavior, all you manage to do is trying to ignore him. "Y/n, I'm not done with you." you usually shrug. "...Hi Not Done With You, I'm y/n."

Sometimes you both wonder how did such different people like you two end up together. But to be honest, Jotaro getting worried over you is something you enjoy, and seeing you so confident in your fighting skills makes Jotaro feel all proud and relieved you're not breaking down.

JOSEPH JOESTAR

He doesn't really know what these hilarious sentences are, but hearing you quoting them always gives him a reason to say he's in a good mood despite the pressure DIO puts on your lives.

The six of you were on your way to Pakistan, just before your fight with Wheel Of Fortune, and you were sitting right next to Joseph. Out of boredom, you both were reading the road signs, and you took the occasion to be yourself.

"Road Work Ahead..." Joseph read out loud. You snorted, and rested your head on your hand, smiling at him, and answering, whispering to not to annoy your fellow crusaders. "Uh, yeah, I sure hope it does." The man loudly laughed, scaring Polnareff who was driving.

Unfortunately, after that hilarious moment, you got really hurt in the fight against Wheel Of Fortune, and before even thinking of driving a kilometer more, they had to be sure you were okay. You really looked dead.

Much to Joseph's relief, after he pulled you up from the ground, holding you tight in his arms and caressing your hair a couple of times, you opened your eyes. And noticed his ones were almost teary. Did he get that much scared?

You immediately smiled, not wanting to see him like that. You pulled a thumb up, a smug grin on your face. "I'm a bad bitch, he can't kill me." the man laughed, tenderly kissing your forehead and letting you back in the car.

MUHAMMAD AVDOL

He knows what those quotes are. Avdol doesn't really mind them, he finds those genuinely funny. But he minds them when you fuck up your protection just because you want to quote those.

He particularly remembers that time you were with Polnareff, when a clone of Avdol himself and a clone of Jean's sister, Sherry, were created by an enemy stand user. He was watching the two of you from afar, just before joining you and saving you. As soon as you saw the clone of your boyfriend, you eyed at Polnareff.

"Are you telling me you asked for THIS thing, Jean? This is not Avdol, this is some flesh without his feelings! This bitch's EMPTY!" your strong stand picked up the clone, and threw him violently on the ground, over Polnareff's head. "YEET!"

When you did that, it took no time for the clone to rip off a bite of your leg, and you couldn't express how much it hurt. When you learnt that the actual Avdol was there too, much to Polnareff's surprise since he didn't know anything, you immediately scolded your boyfriend.

"You could come and help a little sooner... mother trucker, dude. That bite hurt like a buttcheek on a stick." Avdol stayed silent for a couple of seconds, before bursting into a laughter with you, kissing your lips. "I missed you so much, babe."

Avdol spent the following twenty minutes in checking on you and making sure you had no more severe wounds that could interfere with your trip to Egypt. He's pretty apprehensive, when it comes to you.

KAKYOIN NORIAKI

He totally knows what those quotes are and laughs with you on those. It's likely for you and Noriaki to understand each other and communicate through memes and Vine quotes. It happens to be useful to talk without enemies understanding you.

The crusaders have plenty of war flashbacks of you and Kakyoin acting weird because of those. For example, the time you were walking with your boyfriend, along with Jotaro and Anne. You genuinely tried to hold back from quoting vines around Jotaro, but as soon as a man threw a paper on the ground and not in the bin, you two screamed.

"WHOEVER THREW THAT PAPER, YOUR MOM'S A HOE!" that's one of the reasons that pushed Jotaro and Anne to isolate themselves from the actual Kakyoin and the actual you, being attacked by Rubber Soul afterwards.

Rubber Soul and his fellow enemy stand users were an infuriating thing for you and Kakyoin. Last time you had a talk together, understanding they were only serving DIO for money, you found yourselves pissed off. Like for real.

"We here not having the money for some chicken nuggets and still helping Jotaro and Mr. Joestar for FREE and y'all want a hundred thousand dollars from a naked vampire? Not gonna happen, Karen!"

You're able to bring out the loudest part of Noriaki, since none of the crusaders like the same stuff of this type the way he does. You often call each other "dude" or "bitch" - regardless of your genders, in fact you called him a bitch several times -, even if you're an actual couple.

JEAN PIERRE POLNAREFF

He doesn't really know what those quotes are, but he finds it hilarious when you say them, and gets interested in it, so that he can get the reference when you repeat those. He starts saying those too, afterwards.

It happened when you met Hol Horse, a fast, precise bullet coming towards you, as you and Polnareff moved a little, but enough for the bullet to get in the little space between you, leaving you safe and sound. It had scared you, you weren't gonna lie, and in both your minds, a perfect vine quote appeared.

"Ah, stooop. We coulda dropped our croissant." if that quote wasn't perfect to be said with your boyfriend... nothing else could ever be. You both laughed, as Hol Horse realized he was alone against two people, and before you could say anything more, he was running away.

Teaching vine and memes quotes to Polnareff is the cutest thing ever, because you know he's gonna use them sometime, with your fellow crusaders or with enemies. But he doesn't have a great memory, and will need your help.

"Next time you put your fuckin' hands on me, imma fucking... babe help." no wonder Enyaba was staring at you two with a scared and confused look on her face. "...rip your face off..." you helped him. "...rip your face off." Polnareff repeated. "...bitch." you added, whispering. "Putain." you choked on your breath, did Jean fucking say bitch in french?

Polnareff has no chill, if you're willing to risk it all for a vine quote, he'll fucking do it with you, no matter what. Jotaro wants you two dead.

[tranquilpetrichor]

I posted 186 times in 2022

That's 164 more posts than 2021!

77 posts created (41%)

109 posts reblogged (59%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tranquilpetrichor

@restlessmaknae

@many-gay-magpies

@ficscafe

@sungbeam

I tagged 163 of my posts in 2022

Only 12% of my posts had no tags

#tranquil talks - 46 posts

#tranquilpetrichorfic - 14 posts

#tranquil tag game - 11 posts

#tranquil ask game - 11 posts

#p1harmony - 11 posts

#icymi &lt;3 - 10 posts

#p1harmony x reader - 8 posts

#p1harmony scenarios - 8 posts

#p1harmony drabbles - 8 posts

#p1harmony keeho - 7 posts

Longest Tag: 77 characters

#if you think like these top screenshots about bisexuals go ahead and unfollow

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

the knock on your door

synopsis: a little misunderstanding occurs when wooyoung knocks at your door.

cast: wooyoung x reader

genre: hurt with comfort, some fluff

wc: 592

warnings: implied reader had a bad past with brother, reader has anxiety

taglist: @restlessmaknae

a/n: inspired by some recent events and what happens when your brother affects you too much. a quick little oneshot. i'm trying to get around tumblr hiding my posts by changing some wording.

remember, it costs nothing to reblog!

you were immersed in your work, fingers tapping rapidly on your keyboard. lo-fi music was softly playing from your airpods, and you took a sip of your coffee, feeling extra productive.

maybe you'd finish this idea proposal before you were going to go out for lunch with wooyoung. until then, you had to keep typing, because right now, your brain was in a state of flow. it was astonishing how fast you worked sometimes.

suddenly, you heard a knock at the door. they were quick taps, just like your brother used to do when he wanted to harass you from outside the door of your room. without realizing it, you reacted impulsively, flinching and curling up into a ball in your seat. the door opened, and you looked up to see... wooyoung?

ah. it was only your boyfriend. you felt ashamed that a simple knock had fooled you and sighed to yourself.

he gave you his usual energetic greeting. "hey y/n!" then, he noticed that you were still curled in a ball. "woah, wait are you okay?"

you could feel your heartbeat rapidly increasing, so you tried to steady yourself before speaking. "yeah, i'm fine. i just, well, i thought it was my brother knocking. so, that's fun.”

you closed your eyes and took a few more deep breaths, trying to keep yourself grounded. that’s better.

wooyoung quickly realized what had happened. "oh shit, i'm sorry. really! i didn't mean to scare you. i know you've told me some stuff about him and he’s definitely an asshole.."

"it's not your fault, really. he just always knocked like that." you reassured him, fingers playing with the strings of his hoodie. "ah, but i think i need a hug."

you stood up and buried your face in his chest, and he pulled you in closer. "you'll be safe here. i promise. i’ll knock slower.”

he won’t hurt me. he won’t hurt me. he won't hurt me. you repeated it again and again.

you sighed in relief, but your hands continued to fidget. “you’re the best, but you don’t have to do that, you know? ah, i wish i had a camera installed, that way i’d always know whenever you‘re at my door.”

he looked at you with a smile, playing with your hourglass necklace. “if you’d want it and it'd make you more comfortable, we could definitely get one. also, are you still okay to go get lunch?”

your breathing had thankfully returned to normal, but at this point, you were starving—it wasn’t fun to work on an empty stomach. “yeah. just let me save the files i was working on.”

“alright, sounds good!” he headed for the door, but paused. “you know, if you ever need to talk about anything, i’m here!”

man, i don’t deserve him.

you squeezed his hand one last time. “love you! i’ll be out in a minute.”

as you checked on your work one last time, you reflected on what had just happened. wooyoung always managed to astonish you with his patience and ability to calm you down in spite of his energy. honestly, you were still trying to erase your brother’s influence from your life, but sometimes it was difficult. you had to remember that he couldn't bring you down anymore, mentally and physically.

at least now, you had jung wooyoung by your side when all felt hopeless, and that was all you could ask for. you shut your laptop, ready to leave today's misunderstanding and some bad memories behind. “i’m ready. samgyeopsal can’t wait for forever!”

57 notes - Posted June 20, 2022

#4

unsolvable mystery

— welcome. you are authorized to view the profile of haku shota.

the file is corrupted. would you still like to view anyways?

this story is part of the +world universe.

synopsis: shota had always proved to be a source of confusion for those around him, but what could anyone do about it?

genre: sci-fi, supernatural powers!au, virtual world!au 

wc: 483

a/n: i deliberately focused on how the group is struggling with their perception of him and therefore it's more from the group's perspctive.

taglist: @restlessmaknae

underneath the innocent playfulness shota (or soul, as he liked to be called) showed was an existence that was quite difficult to unravel. because of this, he was, for lack of a better words, a subject of curiosity for his fellow team members.

for one, he routinely spoke to jongseob's drones, the way one would speak to a pet they owned. (surprisingly, the drones seemed to like him a lot, if such an adjective were possible for machines like these, swarming around his head like bees to a brightly-colored flower.) he was a strange kid, usually curled up in front of a tv with snacks or busy with his rollerblades. the boy seemed to have a new interest every day.

also, his power wasn't obvious. jiung found soul one day levitating a phone for a couple seconds, which was strange because he had never seen the boy do that. ever. when did he get that ability?

the language barrier didn't help much either, but to soul's credit, his korean was really improving. still, he naturally was quiet around most of the team and it was hard to get a read on him.

presently, intak, jongseob and theo were watching soul from behind a column. he was playing with the drones, skating back and forth and watching them try to chase him.

"hey, how come soul is immune to alcor?" theo, the eldest asked. not even they, with superpowers that helped them out greatly, were completely immune to the alcor disease that had spread across korea.

no one had the answer, but intak had a question of his own. "everyone saw soul for the first time here, right?" he paused. "was there anyone who first saw him in the real world?"

jongseob suddenly remembered something, pulling out his phone. "look at this," he said, and what theo and intak saw astonished them. it was a grainy video of soul, but since the camera quality on jongseob's phone was good, it seemed unusual for any subject to appear pixelated, to the degree that they almost couldn't tell it was him. "i took this when he was sleepy last time."

“when he was sleepy?" intak said.

the boy continued in his fun with the drones, ignoring the trio that was examining him intently.

what an enigma soul is, jongseob thought. but so adorable. somehow it’s surprising that the two of us are really the same age? still, we don't know what he can do, so we have to proceed carefully.

really, it would help if the team figured out what his deal was. because unfortunately, they didn't know everything they needed to about alcor, and seob had a feeling that soul might have some of the answers they needed.

for one second, soul turned around, an innocent smile still on his face, and resumed what he was doing. it seemed that he would remain a mystery.

62 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

#3

perfectly imperfect

synopsis: in which yunho helps you let go of your fears, one 8-count at a time.

cast: dancer!yunho (ateez) x dancer!reader, mentions of other ateez members.

genre: comfort, some fluff, friendship with implication of a mutual crush

wc: 1.7k

warnings: some negative self-talk, descriptions of physical exhaustion, cursing, some parts not proofread

a/n: sometimes we do indeed get lost in our own heads. there's so much to think about when you dance for a class/career lol but honestly at its purest form (for me) dance should make you feel good. also. there's such a fun feeling fooling around with people after dance practice. anyways enough from me! this one is a little rough, sorry y'all. school is annoying.

taglist: @restlessmaknae

See the full post

77 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

#2

love is ....

— in which love is defined on your own terms.

cast: jongseob (p1harmony) x reader, appearances from soul, theo (p1harmony), junghwan (treasure)

genre: slice of life, slight humor, fluff

word count: 1.4k

warnings: n/a (lmk if i missed any)

notes at end

See the full post

77 notes - Posted February 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

this or that tag

tagged by the lovely @restlessmaknae

tea or hot chocolate | cozy books or Halloween movies | plaid or corduroy | foggy mornings or twinkly nights | orange or black | pumpkin or apple pie | wool or velvet | picking fruit or carving pumpkins | libraries or coffee shops | cinnamon or peanut butter | spooky or cozy Halloween | candles or fairy lights

tagging (no pressure, ofc!): @sxcret-garden @sungbeam @ethereal-engene @bookishcalls @svt1117

122 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s stepkid

Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader

warnings: alcohol mention

a/n: i rushed these so bad i just wanted to post dhhshsnsna

prompt: y/n is pepper’s kiddo!

it was just you and your mom for a long time

pepper and y/n potts

she couldn’t keep up with you sometimes, too busy dealing with the manchild that was mister anthony edward stark

speaking of—

“uh, who’s this?” -tony, pointing at you

“mr. stark, i am so sorry, the school closed because some kid set fire to the science lab and i didn’t have time to find a sitter—”

“no, it’s fine, no need to apologize. hey, kid, you wanna sit in the boss’s chair? i’ll let you run the company for the day!” *cue you nodding* “sweet, would you mind that, ms. potts?”

“oh? no, not at all” *mouthing* “thank you”

“so, uh, what’s your name? no, don’t tell me: ketchup.”

*giggling* “y/n”

“no way! that was my second guess!”

tony wasn’t used to being around kids

he had no idea that he was actually kind of good around them

despite a few minor hiccups

“you sit in my chair and im gonna spin you around, sound like fun?”

he spun you around WAY too fast and you were diiiiizzy, also you fell off the chair

“don’t tell your mom that we did that. she may be my assistant, but she scares the shit out of me. also, don’t say ‘shit’”

dude he just thought you were a cool kid!!!

“hey, you know, ms. potts, you dont really need to hire a babysitter anymore. y/n’s doing just fine hanging out here”

“how am i not surprised you befriended an actual child?”

she still took him up on his offer, you seemed pretty happy

when your mom worked late, you passed out in tonys office

tony and you had your own little secrets (like falling off the spinning chair), tony showed you around stark tower, and you practically lived there

“i got you a happy meal from mcdonalds!” -tony every day after your school

in all honesty, you weren’t the “popular” kid at school...not even close

but tony made up for it

“y/n! i found this old racecar toy in a box of old stuff, you wanna hold onto it for me?”

you kind of grew up in stark tower tbh? it was pretty cool

and as you grew up, you started to notice more

“mr. tony, do you have a crush on my mom?”

“do i what? no, no, i do—who the hell am i kidding? you caught me”

“called it!”

after that you did everything to try and get them together

when your mom was talking to tony, you would stand behind her and wiggle your eyebrows and just taunt tony endlessly

no! tony cannot remember your mom’s birthday for the life of him! you are his calendar now

“dude, why dont you just ask JARVIS to remind you?”

“i may be a genius, but that doesn’t mean i have common sense”

“wise words, sir” -JARVIS

when tony disappeared for 3 months you were so sad???? like you were not okay at all

no

and when he came back, he literally exited the plane saying “WHERE’S ‘T-POTT??’”

(your wonderful nickname. ‘t’ for ‘tony jr.’ and ‘pott’ for ‘potts’)

“my mom missed you”

“oh, i bet she did”

“you turned my child into you, tony. i will never forgive you for this”

“well, at least y/n was here to fill in for me, huh?”

tony wanted to show you the arc reactor but he was actually afraid of scarring you lmfaoooo

but he did let you in on the iron man secret (he knew you wouldn’t snitch)

and just to make sure:

“if you dont tell anyone, i’ll buy you a car when you turn 16”

“man, that’s like, forever away”

“good, maybe you’ll forget by then”

ur mom kinda maybe sorta found out abt iron man :/ she told you that tony was a bad influence

“mom! no, tony’s cool! he’s like a superhero”

“no, sweetie, he’s a rich guy with issues. we’re leaving”

that didn’t last long

not long at all

and soon they FINALLY got together

“jeez, i thought you two would never stop pining after each other”

“couldnt have done it without my wingman” -tony *fistbump*

“as thanks can i have my own iron man suit?”

“yes.” *pepper glaring at him* “no.”

sooner or later your mom and you moved into tony’s house and you got a really big room!!!!

it was completely decked out

king sized bed, flatscreen tv, mini-fridge, microwave, computer, your own bathroom with a smaller tv, a poster of tony??? (you vandalized it and put it in his workshop), and more!!!

okay you were spoiled

“do you like it here? are you sure i made the right choice?” -pepper

“are you kidding, mom? this is awesome! plus, you’re happy, i’m happy, tony’s happy, i think JARVIS is even happy!”

“i am, mx. potts. simply ecstatic” -JARVIS

pepper was really happy!! it was a pretty cool family

you started giving your school tony’s number if you ever got in trouble, you knew he’d cover for you

“mr. potts, is it?”

“sure”

“your child, y/n, punched another student in the face today. we’re very disappointed in their behavior”

“why’d they punch the kid?”

“well, the other student punched y/n first”

“HAH! thank you for wasting my time. send y/n back to class and call me back if something important comes up”

he literally gave you a high five when you got home

“i gave him a black eye!”

“i couldn’t be more proud. i mean, i dont condone violence, but self defense is a whole other story”

a little help in the workshop, tony asks you to hold the flashlight

“why don’t you get one of your robots to hold this for you?”

“are you kidding me, you’re complaining? we’re having stepdad/stepkid bonding time! and dum-e can’t do anything right, i dont trust him”

youve had a few theme park trips as a family ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

also tony has 100% told you to wait in the car and then left you alone for 2+ hours

“i’m not like a regular dad, im a step-dad. want some beer? you can have a little sip. i’d rather you do it in the house”

your mother actually does love how he actually cares about you!

“y/n is 12% my responsibility” -tony

“tony, you are impossible” -pepper

no avengering for you! pepper said no!!!!!!

disappointed but not surprised

iron man 3: y/n potts is put through the wringer

Text Message to Mr. Tony: bro you better come get your girl, me and happy are watching this other guy flirting with her. he’s showing her pics of his ‘big brain’

Mr. Tony: HE WHAT

Text Message to Mr. Tony: Tony he looks creepy i don’t want him to be my new stepdad do something!!!

anyways ur house kinda blew up and ur mom and you kinda got kidnapped and u were right abt that guy being creepy and thankfully no experiments were done on you but like your mom kinda almost died and her and tony were fine!!! all good in the end

you met mr. col. james rhodes that day

“aw, you’re the kid ive heard so much about” -rhodey

“you mean the coolest kid in the world?check.”

“you cant tell me you aren’t tony’s biological child, good god”

you got to meet the avengers later on too! (you’d already met natasha tho, only briefly)

“i know it can be a little overwhelming, right? meeting all these heros, legends even—” -rhodey

“oh, my god, is that thor? thor!!” -you, leaving rhodey in the dust

literally why does pepper trust you around tony something always goes wrong there were literally robots attacking, you were only at avengers tower bc your mom was busy with the company and she thought you’d be safe with the avengers. the AVENGERS.

“please dont tell your mom that i created a bad robot that tried to kill us. the robot will be the least of our problems” -tony

he made happy pick you up and you had to miss out on FUN and it sucked a lot

“it’s okay, y/n! i’m fun, too!” -happy

then your mom and tony took a break and your life got mega-boring for a while, but they weren’t separated for that long. you try not to think about it. it was brutal

Mr. Tony: Does she miss me?

New Message to Mr. Tony: I think so. Either that or she’s crying and drinking wine in the dark for no reason.

Mr. Tony: Damn it, now I feel bad. I miss her a lot. Oh, also, the Avengers say ‘hi,’ I’m in Germany with some bad news, I’ll explain later if you don’t see it on TV first, and I found you the perfect friend! His name is Peter and I think you’d like the school he goes to, it’s in Midtown. Smart kid school.

New Message to Mr. Tony: I’ll look into it, thanks. Also, I don’t like how those all connect. Please update me asap

watching the news to see several avengers arrested, cap on the run, and more!

“maybe it was good i didn’t fall in with the avengers”

tony and pepper finally got back together and you actually transferred to midtown high! peter and his friend group accepted you quickly, it was great. you and flash unfortunately had the most in common

you’d literally text happy right next to peter and he’d immediately reply to you. it hurt peter’s feelings

Momma: Sweetie! I’m working in the office late, leftovers are in the fridge, hope you have a wonderful day at school! 💕

👉👈the vulture tried to kill you for being tony’s stepkid, tony made peter promise to protect you

“y/n, you gotta stay out of harm’s way. mr. stark gave me an actual mission and it’s terrifying, i have to make sure you stay safe”

legit why the fuck was this old man tryna kill you bro grow up

anyyyywayssss your mom and tony got engaged!!

“wow, i thought the day would never come!!” -you

ppl told you tony isnt your stepdad bc ur mom and him werent married but who tf asked

why is the earth always in fucking danger

you and peter were just vibing on the field trip bus and all the sudden: space donut

“go! i’ll cover for you...FRIDAY, call tony”

“...hi there, little one”

“what the fuck”

“oh, so you see the aliens, too? well, at least im not crazy”

tony stark has left the atmosphere

you and your mom were kinda......not chillin tho

she and you didn’t sleep for a few nights, then ppl just straight up disappeared

plot twist: you survived the snap and your family was lucky to be alive, you even got a little sister who became a big handful!

only bad thing was all your friends dusted and you were pretty lonely

but watching morgan grow up kept you busy

“ahhh, shes so big!”

happy times in bad times

bad times!!!!! bc after five years thanos came back as thanos from like ten years ago. outdated thanos. obsolete thanos.

but you made your first and only appearance in the suit tony actually designed for you many years ago

you should have just stayed home tho bc that fight didnt pass the vibe check

“please dont tell me he...no, no, no, no, no”

you and your mom latched onto each other in tears, tony was one of the best people in your life, he made you and your mom two of the happiest people on earth

best stepdad a kid could ever ask for

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