#sometimes it changes the work only a bit
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Hnmmgg. Writing pain.
#i rly wanna write a certain chapter in Dream Faded so bad bc ever since i plotted it out#ive been super pumped for it#its legit the CLIMAX of the story despite being over halfway into it#but thats. So far away.#i still have 10 more chapters before i reach it...#and if i write it then... ill have to center the previous chapters around it#and thats hard bc it completely disrupts the flow of my work#Listen. I plot my fics out.#i write wholeass summaries and sometimes if i have smthin in mind#ill even put a line of dialogue i want to include#but sometimes. It doesnt the way i planned#sometimes the flow becomes so natural that it deviates from what i planned#it can be a tiny deviation to a huge one#and then the flow continues#sometimes it changes the work only a bit#and other times the few chapters get changed dramatically#and i have no way of knowing when that Flow of Events will happen.#my body is just a vessel. Im not telling the story#im merely narrating what happens#so if i potentially change smthin partial way and then it doesnt go with The Flow I have going#then it ruins the whole story#so i legit cannot write that chapter. I have to be patient :(
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because in TKC most Eyes match the gender of the god they host (and just in general in-universe it seems most immortals and hosts in possession/possession-like scenarios are the same gender) this implies that the two outliers we know of - Zia (rejected hosting a goddess but was able to host a god instead) and Percy (Eye of Nekhbet) - may be trans. so uh happy pride to Zia and Percy specifically
#pjo#riordanverse#tkc#the kane chronicles#percy jackson#zia rashid#if anyone's curious my personal takes on it are Zia is transmasc and Percy is genderfluid#specifically Percy being genderfluid but just not changing presentation and still using he/him pronouns cause he just Doesnt Care That Much#he's that whole ''if i sat down and thought about it i'd probably come to a lot of conclusions about my identity but im too busy for that''#or just some general ''well everybody sometimes feel a bit more like a boy or girl or neither or whatever right? thats normal''#''why is Percy genderfluid'' well a.) pun for both terminology reasons [fluid. water. hah] and fish reasons [see: clownfish transgenderism]#b.) percy only sometimes being a girl can explain why his hosting of Nekhbet wasn't totally meshing#like it was enough that it Worked and didnt end up with Percy being comatose or anything but they were side-eying each other the whole time#also percy having fish genderfluidism is funny specifically for all the scenes where he's with like the Hunters or Amazons or etc#Hunters/Amazons/etc: We're an all girl group | Percy: I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE MASCULINE IN MY LIFE
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Disclaimer for everyone: I need to avoid a lot of the unhelpful noise about recent events so I’m not going to be online for more than a couple minutes at a time here and there for several days.
My main priority with political and world event topics is the hard and careful discussions about them I have with specific people I have ongoing inroads with who are still in high control situations. I don’t have time and energy to engage with anyone about leftist moral superiority and bickering. Full stop. I’m donating money I can spare and I’m actively and constantly working with people still in the same high-control/cult groups I came out of.
Don’t come into my inbox again with more claims I’m supporting evil by not trying to bring about an immediate revolution against colonialism and capitalism while I’m just trying to keep some people alive and critically thinking long enough to get out of high control groups and actually vote, volunteer, and change policy. I hear you. I understand your anger. I’m not your real target though. Please focus somewhere else.
Thank you.
#this is the one and only time I’ll discuss this from here to the election#I lean almost fully leftist#I’m also a realist#leave me ALONE#I’m already doing the work#go do your own instead of policing other people#the end.#politics and current events#shh katie#I also don’t want the U.S. or Israel to be doing these things but there’s no fucking glorious revolution in the next five weeks#especially with the right getting EVERYTHING they want on a fearmongering military global unrest level#do concrete work or leave my inbox please#I’m this close to just closing it. I don’t want to but I might at this point#I don’t know how to tell you guys that sometimes the right is completely correct when criticizing and complaining about leftist behavior#and if you can’t see that I dont know what to tell you.#but keep it out of my inbox and dms!!!!!!!!!!!#I’m just one person! it’s not my ability OR DUTY to act according to the mantle you’re trying to paint me with#genocide is evil.#war is bad.#I will happily protest and do actual activism about it#but not voting or saying to vote for like. fucking Jill stein the liar and longtime hack is not it#and this is coming from someone who was a Jill Stein fan for a bit#I’m not afraid to admit when I was wrong and say that I changed. are you?
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wanted to adapt the google search results a gay woman got in a japanese drama "tsukuritai onna to tabetai onna" which is good btw.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#the most light and gentle version of flirting-like behaviour of all time - a mutual passing thing - a peaceful dance through the long years#a way to work you out.. a way to express something about myself. all these steps are leading up to that beautiful magic#that you read about once. but actually we've been making it all this time... many many steps to this wonderful recipe.#the only non-perfect & non-fated thing about them is that oru is gay but (imo) qif could easily be transfem at any time. don't test him#oru being a woman wouldnt change anything for qif but oru is gay as hell.. However if qif was a woman then it'd be fine anyway no doubt.#oru would give in his membership to the Gay Men's Picnic Club group he goes to and embark on this life instead..many such cases#also i was typing “am i gay” into google when drawing tsukutabe fanart to check what google looks like#and “am i depressed” was the autofill for “am i”. qif's life is like: maybe he would have looked up something like oru did#but he got a bit distracted and started reading about cptsd instead which seemed more pertinent. sometimes childhood goes this way <3#anyway Tsukuritabe..Kinou nani tabeta...And witch hat kitchen.... the trio of gentle silly 30+ gay couple situations..ohh..#orufrey are the combo of those. like tsukutabe they aren't together yet. like kinou nani tabeta they are a long-term couple. beautiful#i will never let go of them. drawing this has cheered me up. they are with me
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This time around I thought I would make a comic relaying the events after the last time I posted, because my gosh is it easier to explain with pretty pictures than upsetting words >vO I prefer to make jokes about my situation than anything, ‘cause honestly it’s a solid way of dealing with it and I take so many medications as it is, why not add laughter to it I say! ( •̀ ω •́ )✧
Despite my condition’s best efforts I still managed to organise and complete a commission with someone through emails! Thank you @waezi2 you were so patient as I arose from my grave every other day to get things done (❁´◡`❁) Fighting my body and winning to complete it was the victory I needed! The sheer satisfaction I get from a commission well received by someone is like pure nectar to me~ Sweet sustenance I just can’t get enough of! The money don’t hurt either, Disability Support Pensions do not go far in this economy 👀 This is as close as I can get to having a job and I wont let C.V.S (Cyclic vomiting Syndrome) or Chrohns take that from me!
I’m raring to dive into more if anyone’s interested ♪(´▽｀) I’m just about to post a new “commissions sheet” to broadcast that very fact >vO I do love having something to draw between Ectober pages~
#OKKennyMay#chronically ill#chrohns disease#Comic#cyclic vomiting syndrome#If you're wondering about the fire#long story short my body has little to no control over it's temperature and sometimes it tries to overheat me to death during my episodes#it makes it such a hassle constantly changing out ice packs and devouring ice only to vomit it out trying to cool it myself down physically#In a room that's colder than ice but feels like a furnace to me#all the while in a desperate and delirious haze#needless to say it's a bit of a wild time but i've got a really awesome mum who keeps me alive during these moments#I'm determined to be more honest about what's going to in my life for my own sake#i'm tired of having nightmares about people knowing details about my illness so i'm just going to rip the damn bandaid off#no matter how embarrassing or horrifying it is to relay at times I gotta do it#because i'm tired of being ashamed for things I have no control over dang it! It's not my fault my body doesn't work right >:V#hey if you read all these tags thank you#I appreciate you
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spinning plural avid.....
#something something limbo!avid was chillin for a long long while#inner world was a nice house where all the guys were hanging out. could come and go as they pleased lots of space-#-to hang out be creative go outside or in#then limbo happens. and limbo!avid shuts down. inner world changes to 2 rooms. fronting room and a room with a table and four chairs.#there's no doors. the windows dont open#monkey!avid forms. he's here to help. he doesn't remember anything before skyblock.#he's got bits and pieces of limbo and whatever worlds that happened before but not the full picture#he takes over fronting and whatever other jobs he can. he *knows* there's supposed to be others#(they're stuck outside. there's no door.)#limbo!avid is just in a corner. not dormant not active but a secret third thing. just. There.#if you get to close you can hear him sobbing. the aura is too strong to stay there for long. monkey!avid *tries*#he also *swears* he sees something outside the windows sometimes but mostly they're just dark#(it's limbo. he's seeing limbo. he's only experienced glimpses of it and can't hold onto memories of more)#monkey!avid HAS to stop people from falling into the void. he doesn't know why. he can't remember.#anyways. brrrbrbrbrbrbrbrrrr....#i misspoke. limbo!avid is sitting at the table. monkey!avid sits at the other end of the table and tries to talk to him#it doesn't work too well
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Every year, I tell myself that I should really consider taking off work for Father Brown premiere day, and then it comes around and I forget to do it, and I spend all day thinking about how I would so much rather be sitting cozy under a million blankets and going back to Kembleford than being forced to do boring work things.
#father brown#honestly i miss the old release schedule model#i loved having just a nice little ep to look forward to every day for two (and sometimes three) full work weeks#now they just put them on iplayer all at once but only air one a week#so its the worst of both worlds#i either watch them all at once b/c i have no impulse control#but do so with the understanding that the fandom may be pacing themselves w/ one a week instead#OR#i force myself to slow down but am grumpy about it#b/c for years the bbc would give me the perfectly prescribed little dose of serotonin in early-jan just when i needed it#the old system was great; why did they change it#an ep a day for 2-3 weeks was just the best way to pace it#i know there's a former higher up at the beeb that just hates the show#b/c it's much more expensive to produce than the average daytime show --even it more than makes up for production costs#by being the single most exported show from the channel to foreign markets (yup even more than doctor who)#so i can't help but wonder if the new release model is an attempt to kill the show by some other bitter exec#well jokes on them cause it didn't work last year and i pray that it won't work this year as well#am a bit worried about the sister boniface spinoff's future ngl#i think i did hear that it was getting an s3 and i think britbox funding it rather than the been directly does help it#but still a bit worried
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For the handwriting game,
🌅 what does your evening routine look like? 💛
[Handwritten asks ask game]
#a bit of change in the handwriting it happens sometimes sorry about it#i have a day when i have volleyball practice from 9pm to 10:30pm so that's a bit different but only that i have a shower after and then#i go to bed and read some stories there and then try to sleep but it doesn't always work so i usually scroll on tumblr and instagram#for a while#answered asks#dumbf1sketches
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captain america the first avenger is my friend
#the winter soldier is my favorite now but i think they really got it right the first time for the most part#set it all in stone they knew what they were doing and what they WANTED to do#which was all lost in translation between cap and avengers movies#unfortunately getting different people to write such a big character does not work out the best sometimes#the mcu's take on steve was just kind of unique. and i feel like everyone coming onto these projects was trying to make something different#tfa and tws and even cw yeah all understand steve better than anyone on the avengers writing teams ever did#i talk so much shit on the avengers worst movie ever this is the only time you will find me being a hater but it makes sense to me#i might not feel AS negative as i do if they changed a little bit left out a few lines and left that one deleted scene#and that's not even talking about eg nobody wants to talk about eg that is the worst offense to him#steven oh steven sweetheart they don't know you like i do
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ykw actually I am angry + disappointed w them. I've been pushing how I feel aside and trying to make it my own fault so it's all contained but I think theyve just been mean. and they really should know me better ik I try to pretend I don't expect more from them so I feel less hurt when they do things that upset me but we've been friends for years by this point. like come on.
#just got home and went to put my shit away but my flatmate was in the kitchen and i got suddenly so mad i had to walk back out#not going to do or say anything while im this upset. i need to be a lot calmer before i can even be in the same room as her#like okay. so originally it was just the two of them getting drinks and theyd rather it was just them bc i dont drink. thats cool#it wouldve been difficult for me to join them after work bc travel. and ik theyd done this before just the 2 of them and had fun#i can fully respect that its why i said no and stuck by that decision when she asked again#but to not mention she was taking the day off work and btw i just found out that BOTH of our other old flatmates joined in too#to not mention that they were travelling that entire distance and that it wasnt just drinks it was a whole day out together#thats just mean. why wouldnt you tell me that why did none of them say anything.#and the fact they did the exact same fucking thing last weekend too i didnt know about that at all#like i need to stop trying to justify it. im allowed to feel unwanted and excluded bc thats exactly what theyre doing.#im tired of feeling like other people dont want me around. i know i can be difficult and annoying sometimes. but im really not that bad#and we're meant to be friends!!!!!! like youre supposed to like your friends. and want to spend time with them. or at least i do#and yeah everyones annoying sometimes thats just part of being alive ur supposed to tolerate it if ur friends#im allowed to want to feel like im wanted. im allowed to want ppl to care abt me. that shouldnt be too much to ask for#but the overwhelming message im getting at the moment is they dont want me around. and when i am around them i feel like they dont listen#to me and that they dont really care how i feel unless it directly involves them or theyre responsible for it#i feel like they dont see me as a real person that exists. only a version they have in their heads and they base all their assumptions and#decisions off that version instead of directly communicating with me. and constantly avoid me under the guise of 'giving me space'#when im upset or having a difficult time and most need support from other people. i just feel really unseen#and ik that part of how i feel IS exacerbated by insecurity and depression. like they do care to some degree#but also a lot of it is evidenced in the way they act towards me. mainly my roommate bc shes the person i interact with most#and personally i find the most direct ways of showing u care abt someone are showing up for them. and making them feel seen#and maybe not everyone feels the same way. but thats how it works for me anyway#so to repeatedly exclude me and avoid acknowledging that ive been having a difficult time is the opposite of that to me#which is the point im trying to arrive at... sorry ik ive probably said similar things repeatedly the last few weeks but i feel like its#crystallising a bit like this is the core reason why im so sensitive and reactive atm and why i got so upset by it#idk. not tonight bc im still very emotionally raw but maybe tomorrow if im calmer i should explain that i was upset + why to her#i avoid doing that so often when im upset bc i dont think theres much point in having a conversation abt it unless u expect some kind of#resolution from it. or if you want an apology but idrc abt being apologised to the crucial thing is what theyre going to do different#and i love her but shes very resistant to changing her behaviour bc of other ppl being upset by it. and like i said before she has
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Man-
There are random people online and ones I’m mutuals with or random people I interact with more than others in discord servers and stuff who I want to like, befriend properly
But the way I interact with people doesn’t allow for me to really spend time with them enough to build a true friendship, especially because one-on-one messaging stresses me out and annoys me 99% of the time (unless I’m the one to initiate, which rarely happens)
I love talking in groups, puts less pressure on me, but it also allows me to just not pay proper attention to individuals as much as I’d like?
Idk, I just wanted to ramble a little here as a lil note that if we’ve ever interacted and it was positive, I really appreciate you and would most likely love to get to know you personally cus I just really like knowing people, but my brain is stinky and rude so I prolly won’t ever take a proper first step to approach you about it but you ARE in fact my friend in my heart.
#rambles#I think I’m too self-centered and that that’s why the only people I can call close friends -#- are all in a server where I have my own space to just scream into the void about whatever I’m up to#and then sometimes through the day they peek in to talk to me#and also share their own stuff in other spaces for me to glance at when I have spoons for it#I just wish I was easier to truly befriend#I’m so social and I love knowing people but I hate LEARNING about them#I hate the parts where I have to always act a way befitting my own standards#show whatever side of me I want to flaunt for each conversation#not just my good side - it changes with my mood (rapidly)#I’m too particular about how my interactions with others go#I know I deserve friendships and I know I’m a great person to be around - but it’s really hard to actively interact with me -#- in a way that I can enjoy properly#my memory only works when I’m not in a mood to talk or if I’m too anxious about trying to start something I can’t keep up with#blegh#not really a vent but also a lil bit-?#idk man#I just really like being friends with people when I can but my brain gets in the way#I’m extremely self-centered which is a big root of this problem too#most prolly wouldn’t think so from how likely I am to actively step in to help people and be nice to others#but I live for and focus on myself and how I’m percieved 90% of the time
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super shitty mspaint doodle to check if I still got it in regards to drawing with just a mouse. The answer is no, and my hand hurts.
She started to run out of hair dye.
#shapes with a mouse r tough... I didnt even try to be daring. as u can see this is my bazillionth a.ba bust. but worse#*safe a.ba bust#I do like how her hair roots came out of all things#anyways I'm so stressed abt my assignment. I'm a procrastinating machine. gonna go work on it I actually drew this while waiting for someon#to message me abt it#this might as well count as vent art.. yeah whoever dared to look at the tags gets my blathering#wish me luck... also I hate herr so much and how she's my only anchor to not lose it lately#I'm doing better than last week physically though so I'll finally be able to return to the place where I go to be a productive human yayyy#a.b.a#art tag2b named#idk wtf's my art style rn. and I guess now everybody I draw tends to have visible plicas. sure why not. idk I think they fit say her (aka t#the only thing I've been able to draw this month. help. I wish I were neurot.ypical sometimes... today's being a bummer of a day but it'll#get better!!)#FUU I just realised I meant lacrimal or caruncle irt the lil eye thing. whatever#also drawing her made me realise I sometimes draw her looking a bit similar to this shitty character from a shitty media piece that teen me#used to suuuper have a crush on LMAO. my taste in idiots doesn't change that much so it seems...
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...
#i feel so insecure here sometimes.. like i know you guys see that too#like ill post smth or ask smth and then feel discouraged when i don't get a response#and then i feel so stupid.. but ive been realising how so many here have been feeling that way#bc tumblr changed so much and so many ppl left and every author and creator is suddenly feeling insecure about themselves#and thinking it's their fault or that their content isn't good anymore#anyways thank you to everyone who's still here and supporting my stuff.. whenever i feel down you guys show me that my work's still#worth consuming#and that im appreciated here as a person too#@ mutuals.. i think to bring back a bit of what tumblr used to be we need to support each other too#bc :( i love my mutuals but i also noticed that only a v small number of ppl signal boosts each other's stuff or supports one another#like only a few of my moots read my stuff or talk to me at all and sometimes it gets so lonely#but im one of those who should actively make an effort to support moots too!!#some blogs support all their moots and im like ugh that's so nice#or maybe it's me and you guys just don't like me LOL no but seriously#we don't even have to read each other's stuff i think.. even boosting fics goes a long way tbh#it'd be so nice if we could do this for each other.. yk? gotta bring back the 2021 community feel fr i miss it#ugh so many ppl left lol we're all we've got y'all!!#tdl maybe
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i'm glad i decided to try out a ketosis diet again (aka changing my metabolism to basically only use ketone bodies made from fatty acids for energy by reducing carb intake to max 20g/day) for a few weeks because it was a neat experiment but i'm also glad I decided to stop because now i get to enjoy life's greatest fucking simplest yet finest delicacy: mashed potatoes/sweet potatoes with melted butter and salt. i cannot understand how i could live without that. just. vegetables. keto has opened my eyes to new ways to cook foods and experiment with ingredients but i don't think i can live without carbs. i doubt that the majority of people could. also have you any idea how much good simple near-zero effort food there is out there like holy gosh darn in heaven. i don't have to spend hours cooking something to have a nice meal
#food mention#diets#actually anything carb with butter and salt. how can it be so good. call me a lazy goob but i once just microwaved corn and butter#added salt. and it was the most delicious fuckin thing ive ever eaten#i've done low-carb in the past and tried keto a few times and always it felt so great after the keto flu disappeared after a few days#but this time the keto flu did not go away. i felt so weak and awful but at the same time i had less brain fog. and never felt hungry.#but it was werid. i think it might have been because i've been kinda high carb for the last few years and the change was so strong & sudden#also electrolyte imbalances can happen on keto if you're not careful. it's complex.#anyway it got me to eat a bit healthier like (almost) completely avoiding processed foods and unnaturally high sugary stuff#which i just want to generally avoid for personal health reasons which is a whole can of worms but i just dont want to overindulge#sure i can eat an entire bag of candies or chips in an evening if i feel like it but I *feel* my body just being like “nooo” and sure enoug#the next morning i do feel a little bit extra like shit#and another thing: i think i benefit from abrupt diet changes now and then. it feels natural in a way. ye olde scavenger hunter genetics#ya know. our nomadic ancestors would probably have to do that a lot when things weren't year-round available#sometimes only meat for months on end in cold seasons/areas#sometimes basically only plants and nuts roots and seeds and stuff#it's actually remarkable how human metabolism can adapt so much depending on what's available to eat#sometimes fasting for days when food was just nowhere to be found.#i'm not saying “stress your metabolic system it's good for you'” (it probably isnt) just idk. mixing it up a bit at least works for me#btw disclaimer i HATE the whole thing about diet-pressuring and some people claiming that certain diets will solve everything#it doesn't solve all health problems magically. ”"”superfoods“”“ are not a 100% faultless scientifically proven thing.#shit like ''the paleo diet is the number one key to optimal health without medications!!'' no. shut.#on the other hand i do believe diets can help a bit like a nudge. it's just one factor out of many that affects how we feel#ANYWAY conclusion: eat what you want. do what feels right for you. find your own ways to make the food you eat help your health a bit#or don't! be yourself! love yourself!#the chosen method is gonna be different for everybody#but from now on im gonna try and eat as close to natural unprocessed foods as I can in this day and age. it feels right for me somehow.#i think *my* preferred method/diet whatever is to mainly eat natural unprocessed foods and to mix it up a bit now and then with change#for that sweet ''METABOLIC ADAPTATION'' perk that feels good for me#(why did this post become so long. nobody cares. anyway i don't care if nobody cares. i care. *I* care!!! wooopp)
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too many shadow people. done playing for the night 👍🏻
#EERRRRRRGH#i don't understan how running works. like? it only works if you? fucking puah the joystick slightly to the side?? so Ico will just stop-#-fucking running at literally any point in time. which is fine! until Yorda gets captured for the fucking 20th time and you keep getting-#-hit and cant find the running 'sweet spot'#i can't change this in any way either.#literally the only part i fucking hate about this game!#the puzzles are so easy to understand if you think for a minute and if you don't have to worry about Yorda every 3 seconds because youre-#-able to bring her with you so she's just chilling while youre fucking around the area#and like she gets running away sometimes but i wish she would do it just a tiny bit more!#ico posting#barking out loud
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.
#//ramble#it’s hard for us of course but it’s the hardest for hobi himself#this man worked constantly in this new solo period because not only was this one amongst the very first chances where he was getting the#opportunity to showcase his skills apart from the ones that people already knew about#but also to indulge in things he wanted to do#he is so ambitious but at the same time he is also very hardworking#he makes his plans and dreams come true and that requires a lot of hardwork from his side#he’s been working non stop since forever#and now this period of inactivity must feel so alien to him :(#it’s absurd how they’re just required to give 1.5 years of their lives to military#i could see from his face how much all of this has affected him :(((#he also apologised to us and also to a lot of his closed ones for being less active during this time#because he truly needed time to process the fact that he won’t be able to work for sometime that he won’t be able to do what he loves#for the next 18 months#id been so selfish for the past few days asking him to upload more at least before he leaves while he was dealing with his own emotions;-;#he shouldn’t have to say sorry to fans for this i should :((((#i know that it is going to be a bit hard for someone like him to suddenly undergo such a big lifestyle change#but i really really from the bottom of my heart hope that he’s able to adjust nicely#that he doesn’t face anyyyy difficulties whether big or small#and has a smooth experience + transition#hobi we your fans shall always wait for you <3#also this solo period was so necessary for hobi as an artist to grow#before as well he had fans but during this time i saw a few fake fans leave but at the same time he gained so many true passionate fans who#actually care about him and his artistry#and he needed that imo#if only bh gave their albums equal treatment cause rn the bias is off the charts#also rn the album releases are like a race#they’re all being released so quickly one after another i really do not like this method :/#all this for an ot7 cb…i miss ot7 so much as well but i think they all should be given the chance to spread their wings equally first…i can#wait for the ot7 cb
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