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meltwonu · 3 years ago

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✦ 👻 𝕸𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖍 SEASON 2 👻 ✦

↪ ✧ DELUSION DIARY ✧

this chapter pairing; yandere!scoups x reader

genre&warnings; university!au, yandere!scoups, dom!scoups, forced orgasms, dirty talk, daddy!kink, panty sniffing, drinking/intoxication, stealing/theft, intimate photos, oral[fem receiving], cum eating, overstimulation, character death, drugging, ‼️manipulation‼️.

✖ That being said, I do NOT condone yandere-like/obsessive/possessive behaviour in real life. this is a work of fiction therefore I will indulge in it. If you do NOT like this kind of content, please just ignore it.

notes; Is it sinful to post a yandere fic on a Sunday... 🤔 Well, I guess this entire blog is really just that so welcome to the first yandere fic of this mini-series! 🥴🤣 Also I don’t know how many of you have heard this song before but it used to be one of my favorites when I was in middle school 😗 I didn’t learn of the lyrics until I got older HAHA but it’s def darker than I ever thought it’d be! Also I was imagining seungcheol with like yknow.... slicked back hair... sunglasses... cockily raising his brow... 🤤 Yum. Hehe 💕 Also! Only one week left! I feel like this is going so fast 😭😭💕 Thank you for your support as always~ Enjoy ch 6! I’ll see you tomorrow my loves~! 💕☠️😵‍💫

word count; ~3500

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - x - x - x - x - x - x - x

our fateful meeting has resulted in a red thread tying us together

opening my diary again, I make up today, and tomorrow, always!

you always give kind smiles to everyone around you;

i can’t hate you for something like that.

The first time Seungcheol sees you on campus, he approaches you shyly.

‘Sorry, can I take your picture for my art project? I’m taking pictures of other university students on campus and their outfits for a street snap kinda thing…’ He’d mumbled - hands fiddling with the DSLR he’d painstakingly saved up all his money for.

‘Oh, are you in Professor Kim’s class too? I have a friend doing a similar project!’ You beamed in return - only for Seungcheol to feel his chest tighten at the way you smiled at him.

‘Y-yeah, I am! I just need a couple more photos and I thought you looked cool so…’

‘No worries! Where do you want me?’

He’d smiled gratefully and that small encounter had been enough for Seungcheol to fixate on for days.

Hours spent trying to find out more info on you and kicking himself mentally for being in such a panicked state that he’d forgotten to even ask for your name before you said your goodbyes and parted ways.

But Seungcheol is smart and has a lot of connections and quickly finds out your name and that you’re living in the same apartment block near campus - only one floor down from his own.

‘How have I never seen her before? I’ll have to say hi to her sometime.’

“Hey, hyung, you going to that party tomorrow?”

Seungcheol closes all the tabs on his computer before he spins his computer chair to look at Soonyoung - cheeks a pale pink as he coughs and furrows his brows.

“What party? This is the first time I’m hearing about it.”

His other roommate, Jun, walks into his room as well, plopping onto the once clean bed as Seungcheol rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, just make yourselves at home. I apparently don’t mind.”

The two laugh as they settle in; both immediately taking their phones out as soon as they get comfortable.

“It’s just some party that the dude in the penthouse here is throwing. Apparently, the whole building is invited and there’s an open bar so… We should go, at least for a little bit.” Soonyoung mutters.

Seungcheol bites the inside of his cheek - maybe you’d be there since you lived in the building too?

“Sure, I--I’ll go.”

And Seungcheol hates the crowd but he finds himself in the very cramped penthouse the very next night; too nervous to even drink or move from his spot near the window as he waits for you to, hopefully, show up.

“You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost in here.” Jun comments teasingly.

“I’m cool, I’m just… this isn’t really my crowd, y’know? I need to finish my project for Professor Kim’s class so I’m just… stressed.” Seungcheol shoots Jun a half-hearted smile before his eyes are darting to the door when he sees a figure walking in.

It’s the second time Seungcheol ever sees you.

And he finally gets your name.

“Seungcheol! Over here!”

You wave him down by the big tree; the picnic mat shifting underneath you as you giggle and make space for him.

“I thought you said you were going to be late!” You pout - watching as the blush creeps up his neck. “I’m glad you had time though...”

“M-me too… T-thanks for going on this date with me and I’m sorry I was a little late. I thought it’d be much worse but I finished up what I was working on quicker than I anticipated!” He smiles at you sheepishly before presenting you a bouquet of flowers. “I also stopped by to get these~”

They’re your favourite kind and your favorite colour and you wonder just how on earth Seungcheol manages to get it right.

Did you tell him? No, but maybe it was just a coincidence.

“Thank you! That’s so sweet of you!” You beam and Seungcheol feels his entire body threatening to burst with the small gesture.

“Of course! I--I really want to get to know you…” Seungcheol whispers; eyes downcast for a moment before he’s smiling and looking up into your gentle eyes.

“I think I’m really starting to like you.”

You date Seungcheol for two months before anything weird starts to happen.

And when it starts, it’s only a few things here and there.

“‘Cheol, I don’t know… I mean I left the window open but…” You hold his hand tightly, still scared that someone had apparently snuck into your apartment and stolen a few of your articles of clothing and photos of you from your photo albums. “S-should I call the police?”

Seungcheol furrows his brows and wraps an arm around your waist to pull you in closer as you melt into his protective touch.

“Let’s hold off on that for right now… You said no money or anything super valuable was taken right? I’m not too sure if they’d even be able to do anything right now since it was just small things...” He sighs softly and pats your hair before kissing the crown of your head.

“How about you sleep at my place tonight, hmm? I’ll make sure the other two are quiet so you can get some rest.”

You agree and end up spending three nights at Seungcheol’s apartment; tucked into his warm sheets and cuddled up next to his chest while he holds you close.

But what you don’t know is that Seungcheol takes a box out from under his bed when you leave - shaky fingertips taking your stolen panties from the box as he brings it up to his face and inhales deeply.

‘It’s okay, it’s just a few things,’ he tells himself; hand wrapped around his cock as he jerks off alone in the dark to your scent, ‘I’ll just have to be more careful next time. Take less obvious things.’

He cums twice that night.

Images of you underneath him as he fucked you into his silk sheets making him moan into the fabric of your panties when he’d cum the second time.

‘Just be more careful, Seungcheol.’

It’s the third month that you start to feel off - not about Seungcheol but about everything else.

“It’s weird, Wonwoo’s been avoiding me and stopped coming to class too? I tried to contact him but… I dunno, he hasn’t been responding. His phone is off too. It’s just so weird.” You complain to Seungcheol.

Wonwoo is a good friend of yours and also in one of Professor Kim’s class and you thought that he and Seungcheol would make good friends since they had the same interests.

But oddly enough, Wonwoo had stopped responding to your messages last week and his phone had been off every single time you tried contacting him - not to mention he’d been missing from all of his classes since then.

“Maybe he’s just busy…? I think if people block your number that’s kinda what happens too but… I dunno, do you think there’d be a reason for him to do that?” Seungcheol inquires gently.

You shake your head ‘no’ in response before you crawl up to Seungcheol on his bed - eyes filled with need as you softly tug on the hem of his shirt.

“Can we… do something? Just wanna take my mind off of it.”

Seungcheol gives in to you always - head between your thighs as he eats you out until you’re crying and begging him to stop after your fourth orgasm.

And when you’re fast asleep after the fact, Seungcheol watches you with a gleam in his eyes and his lips pressed into a firm line.

He’s sorry he had to get rid of Wonwoo but it was the only option.

“Hey man! Great project!”

Wonwoo grins at Seungcheol when he steps up to the other male’s display that’s up in the atrium along with his own.

“Do you know her?”

He points to your photo as Seungcheol goes rigid.

“Y-yeah, kinda…? Why?”

Wonwoo gestures to Seungcheol to follow him to his project and Seungcheol grits his teeth as soon as he sees your photos in Wonwoo’s projects.

Mental images of you getting fucked by Wonwoo making his stomach churn as the other male rambles on about his project.

“I went a little over the top with this one, I think. But she fit really well with my goddess theme so I asked her to take a few photos with me. She’s a really good friend of mine! And your photos are sick, man! We should hang out sometime!”

Seungcheol smiles and agrees.

Because he knows the first time they hang out will be the last and he’s right.

Poor Wonwoo had slumped over cold in the passenger’s seat of Seungcheol’s car that night while Seungcheol had buried the bottle of rat poison in the dirt - only a few feet away from his car.

He wishes you wouldn’t be so kind to everyone when they didn’t deserve it.

“Hey Seungcheol, you wanna go to that Halloween party tonight? It’s in the penthouse again! Where we met~”

This time it’s you suggesting to go and not Soonyoung and despite the urge to say no, he nods his head ‘yes’ as you excitedly bounce around his room.

“It’s an open bar and I miiiiiight’ve gotten us costumes~”

“What if I said no, baby? You know I don’t really like getting all dressed up.” He teases back.

You run out of his room for a second before skipping back in - costumes in hand as he looks them up and down.

“I guess we could also spend the night roleplaying while we fuck in these Harley and Joker costumes?”

Seungcheol would’ve rather the two of you stayed in and he doesn’t like how revealing your costume is, but he lets it slide for now.

“Come take a shot with me, Mistah J!”

You wink at him as he jokingly rolls his eyes and saunters up to you to take the small shot glass from your hand. Downing it quicker than you do your own before he sets the glass down onto the countertop.

“How many drinks have you had, baby?”

“Mm.. just a few! You need to catch up!” You pout up at him; smeared makeup making the thoughts in his head run a mile a minute with ideas.

He leans down until his lips are ghosting against the shell of your ear - a shiver rolling down your spine when he licks it.

“Let’s just have a few more drinks and then dip… I have some other ideas I wanna hash out before the night is over~”

The suggestion alone has you rushing through the rest of the night as the two of you drink and dance for about an hour before Seungcheol is tugging you towards the door; tripping on yourself as you giggle drunkenly.

“Mmmmmistah J, can you carry m-me?” You slur out to Seungcheol who nods and hooks an arm under your knees and back.

“You okay though, princess?”

You nod just as Seungcheol manages to get the two of you into the elevator.

“‘M just really horny now, ‘Cheol…”

“Oh? Why’s that?” The elevator dings for his floor and he all but power walks back to the apartment.

Mentally glad that Soonyoung and Jun would be at the party upstairs for at least a few more hours.

“You just l-look so hot in that costume… I really wanna ride you so b-bad…”

Seungcheol doesn’t say any more as he struggles to get the door unlocked before flinging it open and shutting it as quickly as possible.

“Weird, I was just thinking the exact same thing.”

When you slide onto his lap, he smiles appreciatively at you.

“You look so cute in your costume, baby. Even cuter now that you’re gonna be a good girl and fuck yourself on my cock.”

You let out a whimper as you position yourself over his cock; moaning when the head of it prods your entrance.

“F-fuck, Seungcheol… Can I-I?”

“Go ahead, baby. I wanna see you using my cock how you want.”

You slowly sink down onto his length, simultaneously throwing your head back at the delicious way he stretches you open.

“O-oh… Seungcheol… You’re s-so big… Mmnh…”

He bottoms out inside of you as your toes curl; the head of his cock snug against your cervix as you whine.

“You’re already so d-deep… I c-could cum just like t-this...”

You start off slow - bouncing and swiveling in his lap as he watches you with focused eyes.

“You’re soaking my cock so much, baby~ What were you thinking about, hmm?”

“Ngh… W-wanted you to f-fuck me up there at, ah, the--the party… You look s-so hot in your costume I--I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about it…”

“Yeah? You wanted me to take you to one of the rooms? Get my fingers in that tight ‘lil cunt of yours before I fucked you hard in a stranger’s bed?”

You nod feverishly as you clamp down onto his cock in a vice grip. “Y-yeah… I was, ngh, a-already so wet just t-thinking about it…”

Seungcheol places his hands on your waist as he guides your body - his hips thrusting up as you mewl.

“Mm, can’t you hear how wet you are, baby?”

The two of you are quiet for a second as your cheeks burn with the sound of skin slapping and your wetness making everything ten times louder.

“Suh--sorry…”

“Don’t apologize, baby~ It’s fucking hot that your cute ‘lil cunt got this wet just thinking about me fucking you in your ‘lil costume… Maybe we should do it more often, hmm?”

Seungcheol starts to see your legs tremble from the tiredness of bouncing on his lap, so he gently holds you still before reversing your positions on the bed with your back against the warmed sheets.

“Let me take over, okay, baby? Let daddy make you feel good.”

You let out a guttural moan as soon as he starts a harsh pace - cries of 'Seungcheol’ and ‘daddy’ rolling off of your tongue as your nails dig into the silk sheets.

“Fuck, r-right there! Fuck me h-harder right there, daddy! Mmnh, it feels s-so goooood…”

He spreads your legs as far as they’ll go - smirking down at your blissed out face.

“So fuckin’ pretty for me, baby. You’re so pretty when you’re getting fucked by me~”

Your toes curl and your body buzzes with electricity and the alcohol still in your system - body sensitive when he alternates between thrusting into you and grinding against you.

“You like it when I fuck you this deep, hmm? You’re so good at taking all of daddy’s cock inside your pretty cunt~ All the way up to the base~”

“S’cause d-daddy fucks m-me good… M-my, mmh, p-pussy is--is only made to take y-your cock…”

A sinister grin etches itself onto his features as he nods, “That’s right, baby~ This pussy belongs to daddy, right? So let everyone know it - I wanna hear you screaming for daddy while he fucks this tight ‘lil cunt.”

“Ngh, S-Seungcheol!”

Your back arches off of the sheets, too lost in the pleasure to realize you were already cumming around his cock - your walls fluttering around him as he fucks you through your high.

“Mm, can daddy take pictures of you, baby? You’re so beautiful just like this~”

You nod as he reaches for his phone discarded off to the side and the sounds of the shutter go off not a second later as you peer up at him through hazy eyes.

“Mmnh… Seungcheol… P-please… M-more…”

He’s taking a few more pictures of your fucked out expression before he takes a few of his cock inside your pussy - smirking as he tosses the phone back off to the side.

“Gonna be a good girl and let daddy cum inside you, baby?”

“P-please, I--I wanna feel you…”

He grunts in response as he chases his high - the need to see his cum spilling out of your spent pussy urging him closer and closer to an orgasm.

“Fuck, b-baby, I’m s-so close…”

“Give it to m-me, daddy… F-fill me up with, a-ah, y-your cum…”

Seungcheol sees red as his orgasm finally crests after a few more skillful snaps of his hips; his pace never faltering as he fucks his cum deeper inside of you to make it stick.

You work him through it, clenching around his cock as you moan out his name - the warm, sated feeling making your entire body and mind feel hazy even when he starts to slow down.

“You--you feel s-so hot cumming i-inside of me, daddy…”

“Yeah? Daddy’s filthy ‘lil princess likes it, huh? I wish you could see it, baby… It’s already pushing out of you when I thrust my cock in… There’s so much of it… Should daddy clean you up with his tongue?”

You let out a shocked gasp as Seungcheol pulls out of you - his cock covered in a mixture of your wetness and his cum as he slowly sinks down onto his elbows and knees between your trembling thighs.

“Oh, d-daddy, I--mmph!”

He doesn’t give you a second to rest as he glides his tongue through your soaked folds, collecting his cum and your wetness on his tongue before swallowing it all down.

“Your cunt is still wanting more, hmm? So needy down here, baby… Does daddy need to fuck you again? Cum inside you a second time?”

You cry out and tug on his hair as he leans back in; tongue on your overly sensitive clit as your hips buck up to ride the feeling.

“S--Seungcheol, I, a-ah, ‘m so--so sensitive, I c-can’t…! It’s t-too, mmnh, much!”

Your head thrashes against his pillows but he doesn’t let up - instead forcing another orgasm out of you as you grind against his tongue and sob quietly.

“S-Seungcheol…!”

He smirks as he feels your entire body quiver and shake underneath him - hands keeping your body firm against the sheets as he continues to tease you relentlessly.

“Ngh, p-please… n-no more…” You whine; gently tugging on his mussed hair as he sucks on your clit one last time before he’s shaking your hands from his hair.

“Aww, my cute ‘lil baby looks even prettier now that you’ve ruined all your makeup~ Daddy fucks you that good, huh?”

Seungcheol runs a hand through his sweaty hair - pushing it back as you clench around emptiness at the visual.

“Oh?”

A glob of cum drips from your spent hole and onto the sheets as he cackles.

“You’re so easy, baby.”

He reaches down to collect the cum on his fingers before he brings the soaked digits to your lips.

And you part them for him as he sinks his fingers into your mouth; moaning softly at the salty substance that coats your tongue as you suck on his fingers.

“That’s my good girl~ Now, why don’t you stay here and I’ll go get a bath ready for you, okay? You’re dripping cum all over the bed, baby. I’ll need to clean the sheets too.”

You nod tiredly as he withdraws his fingers and slips off of the bed - trying to fight the sleep that’s threatening to take you as you watch him leave the room.

And when Seungcheol is gone for longer than you expect, the slight chill in the bedroom has you shivering now that he wasn’t there to keep you warm.

So you slide off of the bed, tiptoeing to his closet to grab a shirt or sweater to keep yourself warm while he was somewhere else in the apartment.

The fresh cum that starts to drip out of you when you walk has you reaching a hand between your legs as you push it back into your needy cunt.

“J-just need a--a shirt...”

You can’t seem to find a lightswitch on the wall so instead, you knee and fish around for a shirt in his walk-in closet - your brows furrowing when you feel shreds of paper lining the wall when you reach in too deep.

“Huh…?”

Pushing some of the clothes aside, the confusion continues to mount when the glint of glossy paper catches your eye in the dark. Multiple pieces of it overlapping as you run your hand over them.

“What is this…?”

This time, you actually take a moment to find the light switch as you flick it on - your eyes wide as saucers when you see photos of yourself lining the entirety of the back of Seungcheol’s closet wall.

Photos of you sleeping in bed, photos of you walking around campus, and even the photos of you that had been stolen from your apartment were all there. Some digitalized and some on film - indicating he’d taken extra time to have them processed before he’d pasted them together on the wall.

You freeze as your eyes quickly flit from photo to photo - barely having a second to register the stolen pile of panties sitting close by on a smaller shelf lining the wall.

“S--Seungcheol…?”

“Yes. Sweetheart?”

Your breath stops when you hear his gravelly voice behind you; his shadow looming over your body as you refuse to turn around and look at him.

But all you hear is a disappointed sigh.

“Well, I was hoping it’d look much prettier than this when I finally showed you. After all, I haven’t even added those new pictures of you I’d taken earlier.”

“W-what... What is t-this, Seungcheol?”

He smirks at your back as he leans up against the doorframe.

“I just love you so much, sweetheart. Can’t you see I just appreciate you so much?”

The words are caught in your throat as you stay unmoving.

“I--b-but... W-why like this? I--are those my--my panties that I...”

He ‘tsk’s and takes a step towards your back, kneeling right behind you as he nuzzles your neck. The gesture would’ve normally made your heart flutter but instead, it only makes you whimper out of fear.

“We can pretend you didn’t see this and go take your warm bath, sweetheart. It’s already warmed up just for you... I even got you a plate of strawberries and whipped cream... Or... Well, I mean, I wouldn’t want to you to join Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo?

Realization hits all at once as you connect the dots.

Surely Seungcheol didn’t...?

But you gulp harshly - eyes staring straight at the wall unfocused when he starts to gently massage your stomach.

“I--y-yes let’s... Let’s go take that shower, I-I’m... I’m--my legs are so--so sticky and--and dirty...”

He kisses your shoulder and helps you up, turning you to face him as you stare up into his crazed, loving eyes.

“I’m glad you saw it my way, sweetheart. Now let’s get you all cleaned up.”

#scoups smut #seventeen smut #svt smut #scoups scenarios #scoups imagines #seventeen imagines #svt imagines #svt scenarios #seventeen scenarios #seungcheol smut #scoups #seungcheol

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tyonfs · 4 years ago

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i like me better (when i’m with you)

PAIRING ▸ jeong jaehyun x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ friends to enemies to lovers, college au, sports, friends with benefits, smut, crack, fluff

WARNINGS ▸ sexual !! tension !! lots of it, smut (public sex, fingering, hate sex, raw sex, pool sex, oral sex), mark lee cockblocking, also yes, there’s actual fluff

SUMMARY ▸ there was no one else on the planet that made your blood boil like jeong jaehyun did. you never thought your feelings toward him were anything past pure hatred, but when you were lost in the feeling of his lips on yours and his hands on your body, you couldn’t help but think that maybe a part of you didn’t completely hate his guts.

PLAYLIST ▸ i like me better by lauv • unravel me by sabrina claudio

WORD COUNT ▸ 11896 words

TAG LIST ▸ @gotoartistprofile @chanluster @steamyjaehyun

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ big shoutout to fia for hyping me up to complete this and i hope you guys enjoy it !! thank you so much for reading ♡ part of the dunk shot! series but can be read separately!

SOMETIMES, THE AMOUNT OF HATRED YOU HAD FOR JEONG JAEHYUN AMAZED YOU.

To the average human being, Jeong Jaehyun was, in a sense, perfect. On the surface, he was everyone’s trademark Golden Boy—good grades, athletic, and a seemingly good personality. The last point, however, was a complete and utter lie. Simply put, Jaehyun was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you, unfortunately, wound up becoming his target.

If it weren’t for your love for cheerleading, you probably would never have to see Jaehyun, but your passion came with a price. Competitors were often asked a series of questions, and these questions typically included inquiring about your hardships as an athlete. If someone were to ask you what the hardest part of being a cheerleader was, your answer would not be what they expected.

It wasn’t getting back up after bad falls that left you with bruises and a concussion. It wasn’t dealing with the basketball team’s aftermath of a devastating loss and having to cheer them on through it. It wasn’t waking up extra early for morning practices, or having to push yourself to run miles in the sweltering heat. Hell, it wasn’t even dealing with the horny basketball team members at afterparties.

It was the annual training camp.

Every winter, the team attended a week-long training session along with several other teams in the city. With state-of-the-art facilities and a massive training center, the training camp was an event that the entire team looked forward to. Although the training was brutal, the luxury of the hotel rooms and the gourmet meals had made up for all of that. Yet, despite all of that, the camp itself was still hell for you.

It wasn’t all bad, though. In fact, you indulged in the concept of a training camp, delighted with the opportunity to meet cheerleaders from different universities. A handful of your friends from high school had joined teams at different universities, so it was exciting to get to see them all again. All in all, it was the whole package deal: friends, your favorite sport, and fun times. What could possibly ruin that?

Well, a certain someone by the name of Jeong Jaehyun could, and that wonderful individual incensed your fury quite like no other.

“You again,” you spat, clutching your duffel bag strap. You had just gotten off the bus to head into the hotel, but the devil himself was blocking your way.

“Y/N,” the devil cooed, “do you need help carrying that?”

“I’m fine.”

You shrugged Jaehyun off and tried to move past him, but the bane of your existence had other plans. He tossed you a small carton of milk; it was the kind you could buy at a vending machine. Your reflexes kicked in just in time for you to catch it, giving him a questioning look.

“You should be drinking more milk, Y/N. It’s good for you,” Jaehyun said. You were sure he was going to make a snide comment so you opened your mouth to protest, but he continued, “Jaemin likes big tits, you know?”

Ouch.

You and Jaehyun went farther back than you’d like to admit. While you did currently attend different universities, you had the joyous experience of going to the same high school as him. He wasn’t too different now; he had the same dimpled smile, the same godly features, and the same cocky smirk when things were going the way he planned. What was different was that you two were once friends.

And what took the cake? You had a big crush on his friend and fellow teammate. Introducing Na Jaemin, everyone.

It wasn’t like you never got over Jaemin, but you had to admit that your heart still fluttered pitifully whenever you saw him. It didn’t help that he was so breathtakingly beautiful, so undeniably genuine, and such a sweetheart. Unfortunately, Jaehyun knew of your little secret. Being the conniving little snake he was, he used it to his advantage.

Ever since your fallout with him in your senior year of high school, you’ve hated Jeong Jaehyun, and you were sure he hated you right back. It almost felt akin to the competition at this point, and you were a pretty sore loser. Honestly, you were sad initially when he broke off your friendship in senior year and threw crude insults at you. You normally didn’t let things get to you, but it hurt to hear that your best friend didn’t want anything to do with you after you had told him you were going to a different university. You were sure the both of you had grown past that, but now he had changed from a sincere highschooler to a complete low-life piece of shit.

“You’re a douche, Jaehyun,” you sneered.

A grin spread across his face. “Yeah, I know.”

You scoffed. “God, if I could, I would smash that pretty face into—”

“Hey!” a loud voice laced with trepidation interjected. It was your best friend on your school’s basketball team, Mark Lee, coming to your rescue; or, rather, he was trying to prevent you from doing something you’d most probably regret. He shot Jaehyun a warning look and slung an arm around your shoulders. “Y/N, what’re you doing here? We have to check into our hotel rooms.”

You looked back at Jaehyun to see a smug look on his face before he turned to catch up to Taeyong and Jaemin. You looked back up at Mark, who was also keeping an eye out for the demon in disguise.

“Thanks for getting me out of that mess,” you mumbled. “That guy is so infuriating. I can’t believe he still brings up Jaemin when I’m clearly over him!”

Your words were sharp enough that Mark and the people around you flinched, even if they weren’t completely paying attention to your rant. It was common knowledge that Jaehyun’s presence left you in low spirits, and Mark had come to terms that you would always be in a bitter mood during the training camp, and that there was only one person to blame for it.

Mark shot you a sympathetic look that you knew was intended to show his helpfulness, but instead just served to make you appear all the more bitter.

“Why don’t you just ignore him?” he suggested. “He’s just looking for a reaction out of you.”

“If I let him get the last word, then he wins.”

“At least he’d stop bothering you,” Mark reasoned as you both made your way to where your team had gathered by the reception desk.

“Is this about Jaehyun again?” Zhong Chenle chimed in, a devilish grin plastered across his face. “You’re a handful, Y/N.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” you snapped.

Chenle just stared at you, arching a brow as if the answer should have been obvious. “You and Jaehyun,” he said, “there’s some tension there.”

“Wow, Sherlock Holmes. Observant, aren’t you?” you spat, words dripping with sarcasm. “We’ve hated each other for years. Of course there’s tension.”

Johnny Suh snorted, averting his gaze as to not bring attention to himself. Chenle rolled his eyes, a delighted smile on his face as he watched you carefully, digging into his bag of chips in the meantime.

“Y/N, I think he means a different kind of tension,” Mark said.

“What kind of tension?” you asked, shocking the rest of them with your surprisingly innocent response. In retrospect, it was more because you couldn’t imagine the answer being anything past the realm of hatred.

While they all hesitated to respond, Johnny spoke up, “He meant the ‘I wanna beat you up and then have rough sex with you’ kind of tension.”

You immediately froze—long enough for Chenle to take a picture of your reaction—the expression on your face a cross between incredulity and visceral rage. You must have looked like a ticking time bomb because Mark had to take a cautious step back.

“Come again? Rough sex?” You were well aware of how strangled and pitched your voice sounded as soon as it escaped your lips, how guilty it sounded, but you couldn’t focus on that as the weight of Johnny’s words were sinking in. “Jaehyun and I?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Johnny answered.

“That’s a lie.”

“Yeah? Then why do you two always look at each other so weird?”

You didn’t know how to defend yourself now so you just said, “He’s a bastard and I would never see him in any other way.”

“You say that now but we all know—”

“Alright, let’s drop it,” Mark said, trying to defuse the situation before you blew it up into an argument. “I would rather go rest in my hotel room rather than bear witness to a homicide.”

“Fine, fine,” Johnny relented.

You scoffed and jabbed at his foot with yours before letting the topic go. Your squabbles with them were all in good nature, but this one somehow put you off. It was like Johnny had planted the seeds and were waiting for them to grow. You were starting to mull over every interaction you’ve had with Jeong Jaehyun.

Johnny and Chenle had made a startlingly accurate observation. You and Jaehyun did look at each other for a little too long sometimes, nearly to the point where it seemed like you were basking in the attention of the other—

No fucking way.

You were not going down that path. There was nothing more to your relationship with Jeong Jaehyun than pure hatred and resentment. He was a douchebag who was intent on making you feel like shit. His only motive was to start shit again between you and Jaemin, who you would’ve completely forgotten by now if it weren’t for him.

No way. There was absolutely no undercurrent of desire that was creeping its way to be uncovered.

Or was there? a small, treacherous part of your mind offered.

You were lost in your thoughts as the coaches handed you your room key, as you waited for your roommate who was some girl named Eunha from the other school, as you made your way to your room on the fifth floor.

The only thing you could think about were those long stares, those mesmerizing eyes, and the implication behind them. You always attributed it to Jaehyun being a hormonal teenage boy, but you had to admit that you’ve seen him look at you with some semblance of lust. Perhaps that same feeling was buried far in the depths of your consciousness, too.

Could you possibly be attracted to the devil incarnate, Jeong Jaehyun?

No, you argued with yourself, and shit, even your frontal lobe sounded pretty unconvinced. He’s a petty bastard and that’s all he’ll ever be.

You instilled the mantra of you and Jaehyun being sworn enemies in your head, but you couldn’t help the fact that it was peppered by the memories of an irritatingly familiar smirk. You scowled, willing your head to get rid of all-things-Jeong-Jaehyun, but he was right there.

Literally.

He was standing right in front of you.

“Hey, neighbor,” he teased, all too satisfied with the horrified look on your face. “Guess you can’t get rid of me.”

You were falling when you jolted awake.

A groan tore its way past your lips. You made sure you didn’t disrupt Eunha’s sleep before you recounted your dream. It had been a while since you’ve had one, and realization was morphing into shame when you realized what kind of dream it was. You’ve never had a wet dream before but what made you want to astral project yourself into oblivion was when you realized that Jaehyun caused it.

After tossing and turning for a couple of minutes in a desperate attempt for sleep to overcome you once more, you came to terms with the fact that you were staying awake for now. Staying awake was worse, though, because there was no way you could keep the intruding thoughts at bay. Not with the way Jeong Jaehyun kept flashing behind your eyelids, at least.

You considered how to spend the rest of your night, surveying your options as you stared up at the ceiling:

Watch season three of Riverdale on Netflix so you could make fun of it.

Attempt to sleep, but with little success because there was no way you were going back to bed after that dream.

Count the slacks of the window’s blinds even though it would be pointless because what the fuck were you going to do with that information?

It was truly astounding how interesting your life was.

You couldn’t think clearly with Eunha’s soft snoring, so you grabbed your keys and pushed the door open carefully to keep it from squealing. After your delicate movements to escape your room quietly, you leaned against the wall and let out a sigh of relief. You weren’t too keen on someone scolding you in the middle of the night for being outside, but you needed to clear your head somewhere. You packed for weather that was balmy, but the air conditioner carried a bite to it that made you wish you hadn’t just worn shorts and a tank top to bed.

You could practically hear Mark mocking you if he were here: Are you in the right headspace, Y/N?

You shook your head, getting your provoking best friend out of there, but instead, you found yourself wandering into dangerous territory again.

Johnny and Chenle were parroting the same words over and over again in your head. You wished you could use your metaphysical hands in your head and squeeze the life out of them, but they always flew out of your grasp. You clicked your tongue absentmindedly, your annoyance rehashing itself as your mind gravitated back to Jeong Jaehyun with his stupid smirk and annoyingly persistent cockiness. It was almost pitiful that you hated his guts and yet you couldn’t deny the magnetism he carried, the pull that made your breath hitch when he met your eyes.

His presence was announced by the change in the air more than anything else. You didn’t have to see him to know he was there. You clenched your jaw; you couldn’t catch a break from him even during the ungodly hours of the night.

He was unavoidable.

He hummed with amusement. “Look who’s here.”

“What are you doing up this late? Go to bed.”

You didn’t even bother to look at him because there was one thing you were sure of and it was that you could not look at his sickeningly attractive face right now. Jaehyun didn’t move, blatantly ignoring your order. The tension was so thick that you wanted to storm away, but you knew he would follow you just to piss you off.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said. “You should be the one resting up. You cheerleaders always train until you’re near death.”

“Can’t sleep,” was your curt response.

He laughed once, a short sound that was pretty much gone the moment it hit your eardrums. “What? You get nightmares or something?”

“So what if I do?” you retaliated, getting oddly defensive. It was a given that you’d lie about getting a nightmare over a wet dream. “It’s none of your business.”

He laughed again but this time it was lower, more dangerous. “It’s my business when it concerns you.”

“I have and will never be your business, Jeong Jaehyun.”

He leaned against the wall. “I beg to differ.”

“Then keep begging.”

“If you say so.”

“Jaehyun,” you interrupted your own banter. “What’s the point of this conversation? Just go back to your room so we can go back to not talking to each other.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“That’s unfortunate,” you said. “I don’t want to talk to you, so go find someone who does.”

“We don’t have to talk.” Suddenly, his voice sounded closer, and you forced your gaze down at the strangely-patterned hotel carpet.

You swallowed thickly. “I’m here to clear my head. I don’t want you to hover around me for the rest of the night.”

“Actually, I had something else in mind.”

He closed in on you, one of his hands skimming up the soft skin of your arm. A shudder ran down your spine as you felt his fingers travel up to your shoulder, your collarbone, and then the side of your neck. With a swift movement, he caged you in his arms, biceps flexing as he did.

What was going on? You couldn’t quite keep up with the situation but the way Jaehyun was looking down at you made you feel hot. It was exactly like your dream—

“Holy fuck, Jaehyun.”

You couldn’t stop the words from escaping your lips when you felt his hot breath on your neck. Your head went fuzzy and you were pretty sure your knees were ready to buckle under you. The corner of Jaehyun’s lip lifted into a smirk as if he had been planning this. You mustered a scowl at him but one thing was clear: you screwed yourself over by getting into this situation.

Damn it. You knew you should’ve watched season three of Riverdale instead

Also, Chenle and Johnny were right. Not that you’d ever tell them that; put simply, you were a sore loser.

Lust was swimming in Jaehyun’s eyes. The way he caged you felt predatory, a show of dominance rather than passion. That smirk of his carved in deeper, and it only pissed you off. Yet, as much as it pissed you off, all you wanted him to do was just ruin you.

Your pride was too strong, though, and you concluded that you would rather stick a fork in your eye than let Jaehyun do what he wanted. This sparked a dilemma in your head: to fuck or not to fuck Jaehyun, that was the question. One sounded like a pretty uneventful night, while the other sounded appealing save for the self-loathing you’d experience afterward.

“You want me, Y/N,” he cooed. “I know you do.”

“I hate you.”

“Trust me, I know.”

“I mean it, Jaehyun,” you hissed. Your head was screaming at you to just go with it, but denying Jaehyun’s advances and provokes was just natural instinct to you. “I don’t want you. Stop lying to yourself.”

“Is that so? I think you’re the liar here,” he replied easily as you dodged his attempt to kiss you.

You pushed at his muscular arm but he didn’t budge. For a moment, you strongly considered just dropping to the ground and crawling out from under his legs, but you were done for. Seconds later, Jaehyun’s hand flew up, long fingers digging into the soft flesh of your face as he forced your chin upward to look at him directly. The lust in his eyes was so clear, so alluring, and it made you stop struggling for a second.

“I’m not going to ask you again. Let go of me.”

“Good, it’s a waste of breath.”

“Has anyone ever told you how infuriating you are?”

“You did. Many times.”

“Just fuck off already.”

Your words were like poison, but for some odd reason, Jaehyun was immune to it. Any reasonable person would at least flinch, but Jaehyun was so fixated on his one goal. Again, he didn’t budge. He gazed into your eyes with a fierce intensity that threw you off.

“Just let me fucking kiss you, Y/N.”

His smirk was gone. He wasn’t teasing you anymore. Jaehyun’s eyes darkened with his command.

He leaned in and you could feel his hot breath fanning your lips, drinking in your appearance. You were pulled into his trap and you hated yourself for it. You swallowed hard as all of your worries about being with Jaehyun and getting caught had started to fade away. All you could do was yield to him.

“Fine,” you whispered.

“Good girl,” was all he got out before basically smashing your lips together.

It was rushed, messy, and way too rough. Jaehyun grabbed the back of your neck, his other arm still locking you in place. Your hands moved from gripping at the front of his shirt to slowly wrapping around his neck. You weren’t sure how you felt, but there was something that made you want to tangle your fingers in his hair and get lost in him.

The moment Jaehyun’s tongue slid along the crease of your lips, you were conflicted. You weren’t exactly sure what to do so he took the reins. You wondered if he was expressing his pent-up hatred as well. It was clear in the way he was taking prying your mouth open with his tongue, snaking his hot muscle to dance with yours as if he had something to prove. He wanted you to see that he was the dominant one, that he had leverage over the situation.

But when he broke away, he flipped the switch. The both of you were left catching your breath, Jaehyun resting his forehead against yours in a feeling that had a weird sort of intimacy stemming from it. His hand dropped from your neck to brush messy locks of hair behind your shoulders.

Well, that explained why humans were so tempted by the devil.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jaehyun grinned down at you.

You fought down the shyness that was creeping into your chest. Before you could respond, the both of you turned your heads at the sound of footsteps. A flashlight glimpsed by you when you saw two dark figures at the end of the hall. It didn’t sound like your coach, but you weren’t too keen on sticking around to figure out who it was.

“Son, how in the world did you get locked out of your room this late?” one of them asked.

“I’m telling you, I needed to use the bathroom so I went outside without my key, and then I remembered the bathroom was in the room.”

That voice was most definitely Mark.

“Hey!” the security guard scolded when he saw you two. “What are you kids doing? It’s late!”

“You’re on your own.” You pushed Jaehyun away from you and fumbled for your keys before Mark or the security guard could spot you. “Bye.”

You jammed your key in, not worried about waking up your roommate anymore. All you could hear was Jaehyun growling out a short string of curses before you shut the door behind him and leaned against it. Your head was still reeling in what had just happened, but that kiss had left you in the clouds. You could feel the ghost of his lips on yours. Dazed, you just fell onto your bed, into the entrancing clutches of sleep.

You were exhausted when you woke up, and you blamed Jaehyun for it.

You weren’t in the proper condition for training; you hadn’t gotten enough sleep and your head was a mess (well, you supposed you were the only one to blame for the latter). You forgot to set your alarm so you woke up to Eunha shaking you gently, coaxing you into stirring. She was already dressed, tying her hair up in a ponytail. You all but jumped out of bed when you saw her, thinking you were late.

“What time is it?” you asked groggily, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you stood up and tried to adjust to the morning light.

“You’ve still got plenty of time,” she assured you. “I just like to get ready early so I can go for a quick run.”

“Ah, okay. Have fun,” you mumbled before she left the room, leaving you to drag yourself around the room to get ready. You heard a knock at the door and went to open it, assuming it was Eunha forgetting her keys. Your eyes narrowed when you saw who it was. “Jaehyun?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” His voice was somewhere between a pant and a rasp as if he had been working out, which he probably was judging by the sheen of sweat on his biceps.

“Were you waiting for Eunha to leave?” you asked. “You’re disgusting. Why would you think about me?”

“I was thinking about how much of a bitch you are for running away and letting me get in trouble like that.”

“Pity.” You mocked a pout for him. “Now move. I have to get ready.”

“Let me in.”

You made a face at the thought. You knew where he was going with this and you needed to stop it. “No. You’re disgusting.”

“You liked it last night.”

His eyes searched yours in the dim light, looking for something that unfortunately was there: longing. You were never the greatest at hiding your emotions, which was why you couldn’t lie to yourself and refuse Jaehyun. Screw your transparency. Jaehyun grinned at your silence and took a step in your room when you opened your door wider for him.

You closed the door. “I hated every second of it,” you said in a childish attempt to get on his nerves.

You were a terrible liar.

Your back was against the door in a second. You could only let out a soft gasp before he kissed you, hands on your waist, slowing his movements unlike the hurriedness from last night. It was foreign, the way he kissed you like you were the only girl he saw. You pulled away quickly but it just left the both of you staring at each other’s lips.

“You sure about that?” His lips curled into a smirk.

“Don’t get me wrong,” you warned in a low voice, “I still hate your guts.”

“As I’m reminded of every single time I see you,” he returned coolly.

“Fuck off.”

This time, you pulled him down to kiss him again. You fisted your hand into his hair, tugging at his dark locks as your lips moved smoothly against his. Caught off guard, Jaehyun groaned, low and deep against your lips.

The two of you separated again before Jaehyun said, “See? I know you want me. Only I can make you feel this good, Y/N.”

You scoffed. “We’ll see about that.”

Jaehyun’s eyes darkened at the challenge. To prove his point, he pushed his knee up and between your legs, pressing against your clothed cunt. A gasp escaped your lips, the fingers curled in his hair instinctively tightening. You bit your lip but to no avail; a whimper escaped your lips as soon as he started pulsing his knee against you. You grabbed onto his shoulders for leverage, burying your face into his chest while bunching up the thin fabric of his shirt.

You wanted to hold back your moans because you were adamant about not giving Jeong Jaehyun the satisfaction of hearing you moan. Instead, you shifted your hips so that the pressure of his knee became more intense. Sparks flew behind your eyelids as he bounced his knee under you.

He finally released the tight grip he had on your waist in favor of palming one of your breasts, squeezing it firmly through your shirt and bra. All the while, he continued ramming his knee against the apex of your legs. He kept his eyes on yours and you scowled at the thought of him getting off on seeing you crumble in front of him. But you couldn’t stop yourself. He wanted to completely and utterly ruin you, wanted to fuck you in and shut you up.

The worst part was that you wanted to let him.

“You’re so cute when you’re like this,” he mused, slowly rubbing his knee in circles against you. “God, you’re still wearing that fucking tank top.”

“You’re such a—ah!”

He groped your chest again, thumb pressing down on your nipple. Another whimper escaped you as Jaehyun grazed his lips down your neck, nipping at the supple skin. You only got louder as the kisses turned into bites.

He ignored you and removed his hand. Instead, he tugged the neckline of your tank top down, delighted at the loose straps sliding down your shoulders. He yanked it down to your waist so you were exposed to him, and you swore you heard his breath hitch. Jaehyun pinched your nipple with two fingers, drawing out a moan that drove him crazy. He buried his face into your neck, sucking and making you quiver under him.

“Didn’t you say I had small tits earlier?” you jeered, a teasing lilt to your tone.

“Yeah, I still stand by that,” he replied, resulting in you punching his shoulder.

“Asshole.”

“Hey, I never said it wasn’t cute.”

“You’re such a softie,” you grumbled, but your voice was gentler than before. It was almost like you were warming up to Jeong Jaehyun, and you hated the mere thought of that.

Jaehyun pulled away from your neck. “Y/N, I want you to suck me off,” he demanded.

“I refuse.”

“Be a good girl and do it for me.”

You swore you’d go crazy if he called you ‘good girl’ one more time. You were pretty revolted at the thought of sucking his dick, but the way he looked so fragile under your hold made you want to do it for the power rush. It was like some cheap porno in a way; ‘College Jock Gets Sucked Off By Cheerleader.’ You bet half the members on the team beat their meat to something similar to that.

Your shoulders sagged. “Fine. Get on the bed.”

Jaehyun groaned at your approval. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he said, letting go of you to pull down his sweats on his way to your bed. He sat at the edge of it, tugging the elastic of his boxers down. You swallowed hard, tugging your tank top back up as you stared at his painfully hard erection springing out.

You got on your knees in front of him, lips parted in anticipation of taking in his length. Your hair fell over your face, which Jaehyun took notice of and held it back in a fist. Taking a deep breath, you wrapped your hand around his cock. It was rock solid to the touch and twitched at your grip. Glancing up at an eager Jaehyun, you pumped the length of it once, inciting a groan from him.

You wrapped your lips around the head of his cock, rousing a strangled noise from his throat. He looked down at you through half-lidded eyes, messy strands of your hair tangling in his fingers while his other hand was gripping the stiff hotel sheets. Then, you took him in fully at his encouragement (which was more of him just grabbing the back of your head and pushing it down on his cock).

“Shit,” he breathed out before slowly moving his hips in and out of your mouth. It was like iron wrapped around velvet, and he was relishing how hot your mouth felt.

He pushed your head down further and right as you gagged on his length, there was a knock at the door.

“Y/N!” Mark’s voice sounded from the other side. “Are you coming for breakfast?”

You pulled off of him with a pop, a string of saliva dripping off your lips. Your eyes were wide as you lunged for your phone, checking the texts. Meanwhile, Jaehyun just frowned down at you, looking up at the ceiling with a frustrated sigh.

“Holy fuck,” you muttered when you looked at the time. You called out to Mark, “Give me a minute!”

“Perfect,” Jaehyun said in a low voice and held the back of your head, attempting to push you down on him. “We can finish up now.”

“Are you an idiot?” you hissed, swatting at his hand. “I have to get out of here before Mark finds out you’re in here.”

Ignoring your state of panic, Jaehyun said, “You look so hot with drool on your chin.”

That was the most disgusting thing you had ever heard, and if it weren’t for Mark being on the other side of the door where you and Jaehyun were screwing around, you would have beat the living daylights out of him. Only a creep like Jeong Jaehyun could find something like drool sexy. You scowled at him and wiped it off with the back of your hand.

“Put your dick away,” you scolded. “Hide in the closet and you can leave when I’m gone.”

He rolled his eyes at you and stood up, making his way to the bathroom. “I need to get rid of the problem you caused.”

You had no time to complain about him jerking off in your bathroom. Mark was not a very patient man, so as soon as Jaehyun closed the door behind him, you stripped off your pajamas and threw on whatever was at the top of your suitcase. You brushed your teeth at the speed of light, using your other hand to brush down your hair. After you laced up your shoes, you opened the door to Mark looking at you suspiciously.

“You’re never late,” he pointed out.

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” you said. In your defense, it wasn’t a complete lie.

“Oh, by the way,” Mark started, “can I use your bathroom real quick?”

“No!” you exclaimed, pushing him away from your room and in the direction of the elevator. “My roommate, um, is… on her period—yeah, you don’t want to see that mess.”

Another reason why you hated Jeong Jaehyun was for giving you reasons to lie when you were a terrible liar.

Training was long and grueling. Your bones were mush and your muscles ached, pins and needles shooting through you every time you moved. As your teammates dragged you to get dinner with them, you couldn’t even resist because you were so drained.

The one thing you loved about training was that you could wear whatever you wanted, whereas you were confined to tight skirts and crop tops at your university. Now, you could rest in whatever position you wanted without worrying about exposing anything, so you didn’t hesitate to manspread as soon as you got to the cafeteria table.

“Did you guys hear about Jaehyun from the other school?” one of the girls gossiped. “Looks like he was fooling around with someone last night.”

You were grounded back into reality from whatever dimension you were floating about in. Your teammates were perplexed as you choked on air, hitting your chest to stop yourself from coughing. You were handed a glass of water, which you gingerly accepted and drank until your body had calmed down.

“Ah, sorry, Y/N,” your teammate apologized. “I forgot you and Jaehyun have bad blood between you.”

“You’re good,” you told her, waving it off. “I was surprised for a second, but I guess it makes sense for a guy like him to go around hooking up.” Then, silence fell. You were confused as they all looked at you with a puzzled look. “What? Am I stereotyping too harshly? My bad.”

“No, it’s not that,” another chimed in. “A lot of girls go around hitting on him, but Jaehyun never lays a hand on them. I thought it was common knowledge that he doesn’t do that sort of stuff, but I guess it makes sense that you don’t care about the details.”

That was news to you.

“Yeah,” you replied distantly. “I don’t care.”

So Jaehyun doesn’t hook up, was what you happened to hear around the grapevine, and he most definitely doesn’t hook up with his enemies.

You stood up in the middle of your dinner. “I gotta go,” you said. “I’ll see you girls tomorrow.”

You actually weren’t very sure where Jaehyun was, but you figured if you walked around enough, you’d run into him or someone from his team. You headed out of the canteen and walked to the basketball courts, expecting to see him dribbling a bar or doing reps. But the first person you saw was Na Jaemin, and he noticed you immediately, eyes sparkling with recognition.

“Y/N!” he greeted cheerfully. “It’s been so long.”

That infectious smile of his was plastered across his face, making a small one creep to your lips. If Jaehyun smiled like that more, then you could understand his charm, but he was always so moody around you. He either did something to get on your nerves or he would just flat-out ignore you. Furthermore, he always riled you up instead of offering you that warm security that Jaemin emanated—

Wait, why were you comparing him to Jaehyun?

“Sorry,” you apologized meekly. “Am I interrupting your practice time?”

“No, it’s cool. We were just messing around in here,” Jaemin replied. “Are you looking for someone?”

You looked into Jaemin’s eyes and your thoughts slowed. He made you feel safe, warm, but that was all; there was no fire, no rage, no heat. It was just a shallow attraction that fizzled out, leaving you neither satisfied nor dissatisfied. And you clawed at your brain as you wondered what you were getting at, but you knew. You knew it was all going back to Jaehyun.

And it pissed you off.

“I was looking for Jaehyun,” you said, “if he happened to be in here.”

“He told me he was going for a swim,” Jaemin said, and that was all you needed.

Before Jaemin could respond, you thanked him and turned on your heel. The pool was in a separate building, and there was no training that even required swimming, so it made no sense for Jaehyun to be there. You let out a frustrated sigh. Even when he wasn’t doing anything in particular to annoy you, it still managed to anger you.

You weren’t going to let Jaehyun do what he wanted this time. This was merely for interrogation—your own personal gain. Then, you thought it over some more, and you reasonably concluded that there was a 97.5% chance that you would not lay a finger on him, but there was a 2.5% chance you’d cave.

When you got to the facility where the pool was, you were entranced by the renovation at first. The pool was massive and the equipment was lined up so neatly along the walls. You peered through the glass to see the pool completely empty save for Jaehyun in the hot tub.

He met your eyes while you opened the door to the pool. His eyebrow arched at your entrance but a smirk settled on his lips as you neared him. You tried to push down your lust; you were not letting him get to you again. You crouched down by the side of the pool and Jaehyun moved so he was facing you, holding onto the edge of the hot tub.

“What brings you here?’ he asked, playfully flicking some water in your direction.

You flinched and scrunched up your nose at his action. “I heard you don’t do hookups.”

“You heard correctly.”

“So what am I?”

“You’re Y/N.”

You were a coward. Admittedly, you had probably always been running away from your own problems, deflecting your feelings with unbridled hate that had no direction, no meaning. Underneath your blunt and fiery front was pure cowardice. Even now, you refused to admit anything to yourself.

You didn’t want to accept that maybe you actually liked Jeong Jaehyun.

Maybe you’ve always liked him.

“Don’t be stupid, Jaehyun,” you grumbled. “You’ve always hated me.”

“I think you just want to believe I hate you. Is that how you suppress your feelings?”

“How long have you liked me for, then? Days?”

“Years.”

You paused for a moment as you recounted your interactions with Jaehyun. It was true that he never explicitly said he hated you and that you always started the arguments, but he was the one who broke off your friendship. Why would he do that if he didn’t hate you?

“You said you wanted nothing to do with me, Jaehyun,” you said in a smaller voice, fist balling at your side.

“You were going to a different university.” He ran a hand through his damp hair, and although you were angry, it was difficult not to enjoy the view. “Plus, you just kept going on and on about Jaemin, and I couldn’t even shut that mouth of yours up back then.”

“So you cut me off?”

“I felt like I was being petty, so I tried to apologize but you blocked my number and wouldn’t let me come near you,” Jaehyun deadpanned. He reached forward and grabbed your wrists, pulling you closer to him. You teetered on the balls of your feet, swallowing hard. “Forgive me?”

“No.”

Jaehyun rose up a little so he was eye-to-eye with you. He smiled at your flustered expression and cupped your cheek with his wet hand. Every muscle in your body was telling you to pull away but you couldn’t. Not when his lips were so close, when his eyes were boring into yours.

“Forgive me,” he repeated in a gentler tone, but it became more of an order than a question.

“Make me,” you whispered and Jaehyun groaned, somewhat helplessly.

“You’re going to be the death of me, I swear.”

You opened your mouth to say something more, but you couldn’t even form your words as Jaehyun yanked you forward and sealed your lips with a kiss. Before, you had the sense to try and push him away, but now you were held captive. He slid his tongue past your lips and you let out an appreciative whimper, hand sliding into his wet hair. You tugged at his hair and this time, Jaehyun was the one to react.

He pulled away for a moment to catch his breath, eyes clouding over with lust. “Get in with me,” he said, voice rumbling. You shivered as he dragged his lips down to your jaw; you could feel his voice reverberate down your spine and to your feet.

“What if someone walks in?” you asked in a daze.

“There’s no use for the swim facility, so no one’s going to walk in on us,” he persuaded. “Come in.”

Water dripped from his neck, landing on your thigh. You took in a sharp breath as his hand tugged at your waist. While the pleading look on his face was priceless, you couldn’t even ridicule him because you were at your limit, too. You let out an irritated sigh when you realized you gave into that 2.5% of you caving.

You responded by pulling off your shirt, tossing it to the side where Jaehyun had left his shoes and towel. Jaehyun watched you as you fiddled with the clamp of your bra. Meanwhile, his hands went to the waistband of your sweats, making you shudder as he tugged them down at the sides. You raised your hips to help him get them off and, after removing your bra, you were only left in your underwear to protect you from his hungry gaze.

You weren’t the type to hook up with guys. Hell, you weren’t the type to even show a guy your ankle if he asked. You thought you’d feel insecure with Jaehyun eyeing you in your full glory, but there was none of that. You wanted to know why it was so different with him but maybe it was the way he looked at you like he just wanted to kiss you. Or maybe a tiny part of your heart always belonged to Jaehyun, and you couldn’t bury it anymore.

“You’re so gorgeous.”

He mumbled the words, barely audible, but they set you on fire. He pulled you down onto his lap like you were his anchor, and you were afraid you’d get swept with the current, but you let him. You’ve only ever kissed a few guys before, so you really had no idea what the fuck you were getting into. All you were sure about was that Jaehyun could make you feel good and you were having your first time in a hot tub. You only prayed that you wouldn’t pass out from the pleasure combined with the heat of the water.

“Is this your first time?” he asked, gliding his hands down your sides. You nodded. “Then I’ll be gentle.” Truly, you did find his gesture rather sweet, but it didn’t stop you from rolling your eyes. Jaheyun saw and narrowed his brows. “I don’t hate you, but you really piss me off sometimes.”

He kissed you again. It was more passionate this time, but also harsher and messier. You let out a sound that was something between a yelp and a moan, making Jaehyun move his hands to run down your bare back. Then, he planted his thumb on your clit and pressed down in a way that made a muscle in your thigh twitch. Your grip on his shoulders tightened; you weren’t expecting that. It felt different in the water, but somehow, you couldn’t get enough of it.

“You’re wet,” he mumbled against your lips as his fingers found purchase on your slit.

“We’re in the water, you idiot.”

Jaehyun scoffed. “You know what, Y/N, you’re right, I did hate you,” he spat, rubbing small circles around your clit now. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders to steady yourself, whimpering as his movements grew more intense. “I fucking hated how you looked at Jaemin with those love-struck eyes.”

There was a shift in his usual cocky expression. He turned focused and, to a degree, angry. It was the kind of look on his face you saw when he was on the basketball court or during a game.

“You’re the one who told me to go after him.”

Wrong choice of words. Jaehyun lifted you up and placed you on the edge of the pool, pushing a finger inside you with no warning. You gasped, your mouth open to ask him why he took you out of the water, but you already knew the answer; he wanted to feel you completely.

“R-right there,” you whimpered out as he pushed his finger deeper inside of you.

He started to curl his finger whenever he passed over your g-spot, and you had to close your eyes. Jaehyun pulled his finger out to marvel at the slick wetness that coated it. Your body tingled as he slid his finger inside you again. This time, he was teasing your slit with a second digit. Jaehyun had no delicacy, though, and he all but shoved in a second finger, causing you to cry out.

He didn’t even care. You opened your mouth to call him a bastard, but all that came out was a pitched moan that seemed to float up to the stars.

“I fucking hated,” he rasped as he pumped two fingers inside of you, “how you treated Jaemin like he was the only one in the world.”

“I don’t… like Jaemin,” you got out, each labored breath of yours fighting off another moan. “I’ve stopped liking Jaemin after high school.”

Jaehyun’s free hand went to your chest, cupping one of your breasts as he rubbed circles around your nipple. You bit down on the inside of your cheek, unable to contain yourself as the fingers on your clit got almost frantic in their place, and the fingers inside of you were pushing against your walls. You felt an unfamiliar cold fire that felt so fucking good, lighting you up and threatening to spill over. Your muscles clenched and spasmed around Jaehyun, and you weren’t even in the hot tub but you felt like you were sinking.

A high-pitched moan left your lips, leaving you hot with embarrassment because you didn’t know you could make a sound like that. You fell from your peak, relaxing in Jaehyun’s hold; it felt like you were floating amongst the clouds in an almost euphoric way.

“I don’t like Jaemin,” you breathed out, still winded from your orgasm, “you fucking idiot.”

“I know.” Jaehyun pulled his fingers out of you, eyes trained on you as he licked them slowly. The look on his face was more gentle now. With his free hand, he brushed loose strands of your hair out of your face. “You like me now.”

“No, I’ve loved you for a while now.” You didn’t know what possessed you to say what was on your mind, but it surprised you more than it surprised Jaehyun. “I didn’t realize it then but… I think I did.”

Love? Love?

You thought you knew what love was. Something that you felt in your bones, that burst within you instantly. Simple glances, thoughts, and daydreams—something gentle and fluffy, but also emotionally shattering. You thought it was tender smiles, kind words, and little gestures.

But maybe that was the kind of love that led to puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and hoarse voices. The kind of love that was left fruitless with an empty gap in your chest.

Maybe this was different.

It was instinctive, the way you fell for him. Like an effortless intake of breath, you were in love before you even knew it. You always thought love was a monster. Ravaging, scraping, foul monsters with jaws so immeasurably large that they would have swallowed you whole. But maybe it wasn’t the tragedy you made it out to be.

With Jaehyun it was fierce and maddening and made you want to rip your hair out. It was a violent hurricane that you tried to brave your way through. But you were blind. You were already at the eye; you had always been at the center without realizing it. And, despite all the pointless arguments and name-calling, it was the most beautiful thing you had experienced.

Yeah, you liked him. You liked how you were around him, despite how much you complained about it to Mark. Part of you refused to admit it, but sometimes the bickering was fun. You realized that you never let go of Jaehyun before because you couldn’t. You simply didn’t want to be without him because Jeong Jaehyun drove a deeper passion within you.

Your rose-tinted loving moment was ruined as soon as a shit-eating grin spread across Jaehyun’s face.

“You love me.”

“I’ll kill you.”

“You love me,” Jaehyun echoed as if he was internalizing the information. “You love me.”

“I take it back,” you said flatly. “I hate you, I hate you, and I’ve always hated you.”

Jaehyun ignored your words, his cockiness morphing into adoration. “You actually love me back.” He cupped your face in his hands, eyes turning into little crescents as he smiled. “Even though I called you a cougar for liking a guy a year younger than you?”

“Yes.”

“Even though I made fun of you wearing a push-up bra in front of him?”

You clenched your jaw. “Yes.”

“Even though I asked Johnny about you and he told me that I still live in your mind, rent-free?”

“What? Johnny said that?” you exclaimed, eyes wide. You grimaced. Johnny would be dealt with later. You placed your hands on Jaehyun’s shoulders and made direct eye contact. “Look, Jaehyun—as much as it hurts me to say this and I’d rather tear out my vocal cords—I like you. I like you so much that I don’t care about the petty shit you pulled when I liked Jaemin because frankly, I don’t care about Jaemin anymore.”

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”

You wanted to slap him.

“Are you just constantly horny?” you snapped. “I’m pouring out my feelings to you here!”

“I’m better at expressing my love through actions, not words,” Jaehyun explained. “Can I show you?”

“Is this another ploy to get in my pants?”

“No, I’m asking you out on a date,” he said. “Sneak out with me tonight. I want to explore the city with you.”

The offer was tempting. In fact, you found no reason to be opposed to the idea. After all, you were always down for an adventure in the city. Jaehyun being with you didn’t sound too bad either, especially when Seoul was so lively at night. Part of you wanted it purely to catch up on all the time you missed when you stopped being friends.

“Fine,” you agreed. “An hour after curfew.”

“Great.” Jaehyun flashed a grin that slowly curled into a smirk. “Now let me get in your pants.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Y/N, you see,” Jaehyun started, “I don’t hate you, but you’ve really pissed me off these past two years. We have all of this pent-up rage, so it’s only fair that we let it out on each other.” His grip on your hips tightened.

You loathed yourself for wanting him, and for putting aside the fear of being walked in on for him. You internally cringed at the thought of Mark accidentally bearing witness, and you weren’t sure you were willing to explain the situation to him just yet.

It was the price you paid for carnality, you supposed.

You sighed in a forced way so that you sounded reluctant and bored. Unfortunately, your plan backfired and you ended up feeling bad when a concerned look crossed Jaehyun’s face.

“If you’re worried about getting caught, I’ll just cover you,” Jaehyun mumbled, the softness of his voice almost putting you at ease.

You rolled your eyes. “How kind of you.” You paused and looked up at him. “Are we really going to have sex for the first time here?”

Jaehyun looked around him. “Well, I guess we could go to the hotel room if—”

“Nope!” you interrupted, wrapping your arms around his neck and drawing him closer to you. “Let’s do it here. I love the pool, love having sex at the pool.”

He rose a brow at you, hands making their way down your body. Suddenly, your realization of being completely exposed had heightened, and you pressed your thighs together. Maybe it was because your vulnerability showed on your face, clear as day, but Jaehyun smirked, further flustering you by tugging down his swim shorts to reveal his hardened cock.

It was heavy and warm against your thigh, but what you were fixed on was the v-line on his pelvis. You traced along the bone, making him shiver under your touch. You were shocked when he grabbed your wrist tightly, holding it away from him.

“You’re playing a dangerous game here,” he growled. Jaehyun leaned closer and nipped at the shell of your earlobe, chuckling as you tensed up under his hold. His hot breath made you squirm under his grip.

Have you ever noticed how insanely attractive he was? Yes, of course. You weren’t an idiot.

Have you ever appreciated his beauty until now? Probably not.

“Just fuck me already, Jae,” you grumbled out as he pushed you down onto the deck of the pool.

In seconds, Jaehyun grabbed your hips and pulled them to his waist. Without any preamble, he rammed himself inside of you. The motion caught you by surprise and you cried out, half out of pleasure and half out of pain. You were definitely wet from being fingered earlier, but two fingers were nothing compared to Jaehyun’s cock.

Seeing his cock disappear in you was enough to make you whimper. Your walls clenched around him, pulsating at the foreign feeling. You were tempted to slap him upside the head for going so fast, but all you could do was tug at his hair and wrap your legs around him.

“You bastard, I’ll fucking—oh.”

Jaehyun laughed cruelly at your reaction, partly to cover up the groan caught in his throat and partly because your attempts at being mad at him were downright pathetic. When you had adjusted to his size, Jaehyun grunted and pounded in you, hitting spots that made your limbs feel like jelly. As if that wasn’t enough, Jaehyun found your clit with the hand that didn’t have a bruising grip on your waist and pressed harshly against it.

“You’re so fucking tight,” Jaehyun gritted out.

“T-then be gentle,” you bargained, drowning in a molten sea.

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes at you. “Have you ever fucking heard of gentle hate sex?” he asked, validating his point with a particularly hard thrust.

Your fingernails dug into his back, leaving hot-white trails down his skin. You were certain you had drawn blood, but knowing Jaehyun, he’d probably feel proud if he saw it. He brought his lips to your neck as you writhed under him, biting around until he found your sweet spot. This wasn’t fair; he was pleasuring you in every way possible and all you could do was cry out as he pummeled in you.

You closed your eyes, sparks flying behind your eyelids as you felt your release rushing to you.

Then, he slowed his strokes down considerably.

“Look at me,” he ordered in a rasp. Your eyes fluttered open, remaining half-lidded as you felt like you were going to spill over. “Look at me when I’m fucking you.”

He slapped his hips against yours again, the sound of skin against skin making you shudder. Jaehyun filled you up to the brim and you were oh-so-close to letting go and falling off the edge. The hardscape was cool but you were on fire, bliss overtaking all of your senses. Your toes curled as you held onto his damp skin for dear life, not sure if it was because he was in the pool or he was sweating due to the heat you both emanated.

“R-right there!” you wailed. “Fuck, right there!”

Jaehyun angled his hips slightly to pound into you, causing you to see metaphysical stars. It was so hard to keep eye contact with him when your eyes just wanted to roll back. Jaehyun let out a groan by your ear, low and guttural. You didn’t even notice how tight the grip he has on you until he releases your hip for you to see the print he left.

You could tell he was close, but he wanted to hold on for you. Both of your breaths were labored as you stared into each other’s eyes, your body moving up and down against the hardscape as Jaehyun railed you. You tightened your grip on him, a pathetic moan falling from your lips as you were falling over the edge.

Jaehyun understood and fucked you through your orgasm, making sure you made the most of it. Warmth blossomed under your skin as you cried out in pure bliss, your vision blurring and refocusing as it flickered from normal to pure white as you rode out your high. You ground yourself back to reality after nearly sobbing out his name, the pleasure overwhelming you. Jaehyun’s eyes went hazy as he fell apart right after you did, and soon, you felt something warm spill inside of you.

Jaehyun finished inside of you and stuttered out a curse as he pulled out of you. He rolled over and laid on the deck of the pool next to you, the both of you catching your breath like you had just run a marathon.

“I have a cute date idea for tonight,” Jaehyun said after a long pause.

You looked over, watching his chest rise and fall. “Yeah?”

“We go to the store and buy Plan B.”

You couldn’t even disagree.

“Sounds good.”

Jaehyun dragged himself off the floor, muttering something along the lines of “shit, that felt good” to himself as he reached for his swim trunks to pull back on. You grabbed a towel to dry yourself off, but pins and needles shot up your legs when you tried to walk. Jaehyun noticed immediately and a smug look settled on his face again, not the least bit remorseful.

You scowled as you slipped your clothes back on. “Shut up,” you jeered. “You’re so shameless for someone who can’t pull out.”

“Oops,” he replied flatly.

“I hate you, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun ran a hand through his damp hair, letting out a laugh as he shook his head. He picked up another towel from the chairs by the poolside and wrapped it around so it covered your head. You bit your lip as you watched him attempt to dry your hair. It was times like these when he seemed so gentle and delicate, unlike his usual irritating attitude.

“You liked it, though,” Jaehyun said. “Right?”

You faltered, looking down at your feet as he continued to dry your hair. “Yeah.”

Jaehyun smiled softly and leaned in swiftly to peck your lips, but your moment was interrupted by the sound of a door opening.

Mark was gaping at you two, eyelids fluttering rapidly as if he was trying to blink away what he had just seen.

“Y/N? Jeong Jaehyun?” Mark questioned, his voice an octave higher than usual. Realization crossed his face through a series of facial expressions that morphed far too quickly for you to process. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Mark!” You and Jaehyun pulled away from each other quickly.

Mark paused to think his words through. “Did I almost walk in on a murder?”

You let out a frustrated groan. “Jesus, Mark, if you’re not going to read the room, at least SparkNote it.”

“Wait, so you were kissing?”

“No, we didn’t kiss,” Jaehyun assured, and you felt tricked for feeling relieved for a split second. “We actually had sex.”

Jaehyun’s words ended with a splutter as you elbowed him in the gut. Mark looked between the two of you, boggled. You nudged Jaehyun again with your foot, signaling for him to leave so you could handle Mark. Thankfully, he took your cue this time and grabbed his towel, mockingly saluting the both of you. You were stupid to think you were safe, though, because Jaehyun had to get another last word in before he walked off.

“See you tonight, Y/N.”

There was a long, awkward pause while Jaehyun opened the door and left the building. You and Mark were staring at each other but neither of you knew what to say or how to approach the subject.

“I just… I just came here to find you, and Jaemin told me you went to the pool. You…” Mark started. He looked absolutely horrified, like a corpse had fallen to his feet—no, rather, he looked like a corpse himself, like someone attempted to do taxidermy on him but did a shit job. “Bitch.”

“Let me explain.”

“Bitch,” Mark enunciated, “you just fucked the hottest guy here, oh my god.”

Definitely not the reaction you were expecting, but you supposed it wasn’t a bad one. You were glad he wasn’t getting into the whole ‘why didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend’ rant, but this was equally as overwhelming.

Mark continued, “Wait—is that why you were late this morning? Oh my god, this has been a thing. You’ve been hooking up with him in secret, haven’t you?”

“No? Well, yes, but it hasn’t been much until, um”—you gestured awkwardly around you—“you know.”

“So you were the one who was with Jaehyun last night?”

“Yes.”

“And this morning before I picked you up?”

“Yes.”

“Are you two dating now?”

“Honestly, I really don't know,” you admitted. “Mark, please don’t tell anyone about this. Especially not those little shits, Chenle and Johnny.”

Mark gulped. “About that…”

Before you could question him, there was a chorus of loud clapping echoing from the locker rooms which was then followed by a few cheers. You grimaced as the two boys you didn’t want to see walked out: Chenle and Johnny, Tweedledee and Tweedledum themselves. They both wore cocky smirks as they shook their head at you, which made Mark a touch more nervous than he was before.

“Have anything to say for yourself, Y/N?” Chenle teased.

“Go to hell.” You scoffed and turned to Mark, narrowing in on him. “Why’d you bring them along? What are you? The three stooges?”

“We were looking for you so we could invite you to the movie night we were having in Jungwoo’s room!” Mark defended. “I swear, if I knew about you and Jaehyun, I never would’ve brought them along.”

You sighed deeply as Chenle snickered to himself. “Well, I guess Y/N can’t come to movie night since she has a date with—hold on, what did you call him again? The devil?”

“Okay, I get it!” You threw your hands up in defeat, eyes closed to show you were reflecting upon your actions. “I’m a dirty hypocrite and I’ve committed a crime worse than death.” You opened your eyes again. “I’m sorry.” To your surprise, Chenle and Johnny had their right hand up. You stared at it, puzzled. “Do you want me to make an oath or something?”

“In modern society,” Johnny explained, “we call it a high-five.”

It took you a few seconds to process their words before you tentatively gave them each a firm high-five. You blinked up at them before ease washed over you. This was how it always was, anyways. At the end of the day, no matter how much you guys bickered or teased each other, you always made up. That's what friends were for, after all.

“There we go,” you said, oddly satisfied. “For now, I’ll let go of the fact that Johnny snitched on me to Jaehyun behind my back.”

“How dare you!” Johnny gasped. “Chenle was with me.”

Chenle raised his hand to confirm the statement. “Indeed. Please give credit where it's due.”

“Alright, fuck you both.”

What the fuck even was a date?

This was foreign territory to you, but even so, you decided you wouldn’t rely on your annoying friends. First of all, you were sure they wouldn’t really be of any help and just endlessly tease you about it. Secondly, they were simply going to gradually grow more stressed (Mark), lecherous (Johnny), and aggravating (Chenle). Thus, you decided to slay the monster of first dates yourself.

Your first hurdle was looking cute. You packed absolutely nothing that wasn’t for the training camp, so you had already failed. Jaehyun was going to have to deal with you in your gym shorts and a school t-shirt.

Your second hurdle was sneaking away from Eunha, your roommate. That was a piece of cake considering how she didn’t exactly care. When you headed out of the room, wallet and phone in hand, she wished you a kind farewell, which you returned.

Your third hurdle was sneaking out of the hotel. You weren’t quite sure how you and Jaehyun made it outside without being spotted, but you were certain he must have tipped off some of the staff because there was no way the both of you could have walked straight out of the lobby without being reported. When you asked him, though, he said it was probably because you looked like the cleaning lady.

Needless to say, Jaehyun was on thin ice.

You loved Seoul, loved the dirty of it. Even at night, the city was alive and full of vigor, full of young people like you who were chasing cheap thrills. Jaehyun was a dream under the glowing lights, and you almost couldn’t believe that the prince-like boy was head-over-heels for you.

He took you to a wide alley with a night market, full of life and energy. Jaehyun was walking through the crowd and you were following right behind him, like some awkward fish swimming after a cuter, more popular fish upstream. There were several times where you almost lost yourself in the crowd, and Jaehyun noticed this. He reached behind him, still shouldering his way through the crowd, and grabbed your hand. The smell of spicy rice cakes, the numerous pop-up bars lining the alley, and Jeong Jaehyun gripping your hand—it all made a pretty eventful first date.

Jaehyun didn’t kiss you. Not once. He didn’t try to touch you anywhere that would have tempted you both into doing something you definitely shouldn’t do in public. There were times where Jaehyun turned pink or looked away from you shyly, and you indulged in it because this was a side of him you didn’t see often.

Jaehyun stopped at a convenience store before you both decided to head back. You waited outside for him, kicking stones as you thought of him. He was undeniably perfect, which you somewhat despised because you had spent the last two years hating his guts and this was an abrupt change. You were worried if he was buying you something; he had already bought you lamb skewers and rice cakes at the night market. You didn’t want to be the girlfriend to empty his wallet.

Wait—

Were you his girlfriend?

“Y/N,” he called when he walked out of the store, holding something behind his back with a sneaky grin. “Close your eyes.”

You bit back a smile and closed your eyes, holding your hands out. He placed the object in your hands and it felt light, so you were sure it shouldn’t have cost much. Although, your stomach was pitted with guilt at the thought of him spending money on you. You opened your eyes when he directed you to.

Plan B One-Step.

You no longer felt bad for him.

“Very romantic,” you observed, putting the packet in your wallet, “but thank you.”

You were seething. Your face grew unconditionally hot and you had to look down at your feet. It seriously pissed you off that your feelings were so clear right now because Jaehyun had bought you fucking Plan B.

Jaehyun seemed to notice right away and tilted your chin up with two fingers, chuckling. “Is something wrong?”

Your face screwed up when you decided on what you were going to ask him. “Are we dating?” you blurted out.

Jaehyun held your face gently like it would shatter if he applied any more pressure. His fingertips grazed the hinge of your jaw while his thumbs rested on your cheekbones. You were panicking when he leaned in, but it wasn’t what you expected. Jaehyun pressed a chaste kiss to your nose, grinning at your reaction. You reached up to trace his dimple with your finger.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend, Y/N?”

“Yeah,” you admitted, flustered beyond imagination, but you had already gotten this far so you continued, “do you?”

“Do I want to be your girlfriend?”

You wanted to hit yourself. “Fuck. I mean, do you wanna date me?”

“Of course,” he said with a laugh. “I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”

He drew you into his warm embrace and you buried your face into his chest, wondering how you hated this man for so long. Of course, when those cocky smirks and impish looks came back, you were sure you’d remember again. But right now, in his arms, you just knew that you wanted to be with him. You looked up at him, arms slung around him, and got on your toes to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

You were positive you hadn’t ever seen Jeong Jaehyun blush before tonight, but it was a sight you were sure you could never get sick of.

And you never would.

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drunktuesdays · 3 years ago

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I GOTTA know more ab Darby and Max Caster

oh why, you don't read those names and immediately and instantly kno in ur heart that i am right and they are in love?

just kidding.

anyway, for those that aren't into wrestling and haven't blocked my wrestling tag yet because you like watching me make a damn fool of myself, darby allin looks like this and is an embarrassing little hot topic teen tryhard who used to enter the ring on a skateboard and made lots of art house films where he gazed soulfully at the silhouette of a bat or something. recently he was adopted by his new dad(dy) who now escorts him to the ring and appears in all of his art house films with the fond indulgence of someone dropping their son off at the mall so he can buy his 29th studded belt.

meanwhile, max caster is an embarrassing tryhard of another flavor. he is part of a tag team called the acclaimed and their gimmick is that they come out and max does a lil rap absolutely insulting the shit out of their opponents. sometimes he does a good job, sometimes he does a yikes job. it's an exciting surprise every time. max's real gimmick is that he's an omega in heat and he's constantly doing the most perverted shit in the ring, from getting on all 4s and presenting, to kissing his opponent's hands, to scissoring his tag partner's fingers, to milking his tag partner's fingers. he does lewd raps a lot where he's basically begging someone to hold him down and fuck his brains out. right now he's doing a bit where he's sexually baiting another wrestler to fuck him. At all times, he behaves as if he's a little dog who desperately needs to be walked regularly but his owner keeps him cooped up in a tiny apartment and then once a day, unleashes him at the dog park.

anywho, in a recent groupchat conversation where everyone was behaving like a bunch of mrs. bennets trying to get our eligible children married off, i was looking down the wikipedia list of potential new boyfriends for darby allin and then said max caster as a joke, and then kombucha memed about it. ACTUALLY when you think about it, they're two mortifying flavors that would taste great together!!!!!! darby allin does NOT need someone who is inclined to be self-serious and darkly pessimistic. max caster needs someone who's steadier and not impetuous. I'M RIGHT!!!!!!!!

anyway @longnationalnightmare and i have spun out a self-indulgent au where max and darby are at tisch and darby makes horrible little black-and-white art films where a fly covered popsicle melts outside of a subway station and max is constantly writing raps that swing wildly between too honest and too silly and they're both struggling. they meet in some class and max sits down next to darby and decides to befriend him despite darby's discouragement. he laughs at all darby's acid insults and never seems put off by darby's refusal of ALL his invitations for stuff until OBVIOUSLY at the denouement of this fic, he says something TOO mean and TOO brutal and he actually sees max's face crumple and at first he's like "well good riddance, he can leave me alone and i can get back to brooding about NIHILISM!!!!!!" but then he slowly realizes that he's become accustomed to max's face!!! that it's not fun to walk to class without max laughing and cracking himself up next to him! that no one's there to make fun of how sweet he likes his coffee and no one to trade barbs about all their classmates!!! life sux!!! now he's FOR REAL REAL BROODING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the resolution would have to be darby in some way embarrassing himself publicly FOR MAX, HEATH LEDGER ON THE BLEACHERS STYLE. we haven't really worked that out yet but it would make you SCREAM "HELL YEAH. MARBY LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

#i came inches from discussing this on my podcast #but didn't #MARBY LIVES #wrestling

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lovee-infected · 4 years ago

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I'm about to start my own (twst) writing blog and I'm going around writers that I follow for some advice q*q could you give me any wisdom on what I should do when starting a writing blog? thank you!! I love your works and you're one of the writers that inspire me

Aa thank you baby I'm so happy to hear that I inspire you!! First off, good luck with the new writing blog! I'm glad that more authors are joining the fandom and wish you all the best with your works! 💞💖💞 Other than trying to keep your blog organized by creating a proper masterlist, choosing a suitable aesthetic, having a set of rules and making sure to tag all of the warnings and necessary mentions (gender of reader, n/sfw or trigger warning), I tried to come up with some useful advises that might help!

1) Keep up the great confidence!

First and the most important thing about a writing blog, is to be confident and strong. Look, you shouldn't be afraid of posting your works and sharing with the redt of the fandom, even as they're not as perfect as you want them to be. The more you write, the more you learn! And you'd grow to be better and better as you continue to share your works! Not even the greatest authors had been any perfect on their first days!

2) If you're accepting requests, try to set a limit

Being overwhelmed with asks is never pleasant, if you just open your inbox to face 500 requests you'd be to be terrified and confused and even lose your passion to work on any of them because of the stress and not knowing where to begin from. Try to set a limit based on your personal limits, how many requests do you think you can have at the time without stressing out because of how much they are? 10? 20? 50? 100? 200? Doesn't matter! If you feel like you're fine with huge numbers like 200 and 150, it's totally fine! If not, remember that setting a character limit would not only reduce the possible chance of stressing out and overwhelming anxiety but it'll also help you manage your inbox better and easier! You can start taking requests again just as soon as your inbox in cleared!

3) Try to treat yourself every once in a while!

Working on requests can be tiring and sometimes, boring. It's great if you enjoy working on requests no matter what they are but remember to write for your own pleasure every once in a while too!

Even if you have like 100 requests laying in your inbox, feel free to write self indulgent fics or something that you'd like to write even if it's super odd an irrelevant to your normal writings! Remember that you deserve to read something you enjoy just as much as the others do, so don't forget to bless yourself with that beautiful writing of yours ;) Remember that it's your blog, you are free to do everything that makes you happy or anything that you simply enjoy doing ^^

4) Remember that no matter what, toxicity always exists and it's not your fault

Look toxicity is very common to be found social medias, especially platforms like tumblr in which anonymous function exists. Even celebrities and world-famous artists might get attacked over pretty silly stuff every once in a while so it's something usual to happen! I wish you never receive any potentially harmful or rude asks or messages but if you ever do, best would be to block or simply ignore them! People in this platform can be ridiculous sometimes lol, there are people who DM creators just to spam hate and block the creator whom they spammed after wards lol, so don't even bother t waste your time with such people!

If anyone comes to your inbox/DMs/comments to say something harsh or leave a sharp critique, best would be to ignore them. Even if you like to answer or respond to reply to them tey to be chill and not take them seriously. Remember, even if they didn't like your content they could've just scrolled down without bothering to read your work, so if they had the guts to come and spam you with nonsense just because they didn't like your work, it's their fault! They didn't have to read, and it doesn't even matter if they liked your work or not! It's their problem and all, so remember not to let these kind of people get to you at all!

5) Take it easy with writing

Don't push yourself too hard, remember that not everything you write is supposed to be *perfect. This is even more serious when it comes to requests, thousands of unexpected ideas might pop up in your inbox and it makes it quite confusing to choose what to write or do!

First off, don't be any shy or anxious about rejecting the requests which don't follow your rules or come when you aren't accepting requests. Those who violate your rules aren't worthy of your time and work!

Secondly, keep this is mind that you aren't expected to be able to write everything! Sometimes the requests are hard to write, the idea seems odd or hard to understand, or sometimes you just don't feel comfortable or don't want to write it all, which is okay!

You always have the right to take/drop whichever of your requests and you don't owe anyone anything for this, it's your own blog, your work, and your content. Don't ever force yourself to write something which you don't like to write!

6) Your health is always the top priority

Remember that no matter how popular you are, how many followers you have, how many requests are left in your inbox or how much people are wishing to get more of your content, you're free to stop writing and put this wrong at a temporarily (or even permanent) hiatus.

Sometimes you just don't feel like writing, then don't write. If you feel like you're being too busy with work/family/school and anything please don't force yourself to write! Remember that your real life matters always come first!

Also, you might even need a break from writing without necessarily being really busy or sad, sometimes you just need to take a break from everything, and it's totally fine to do! Take as much time as you need and stay healthy during your breaks. It'd be even better if you don't even think of any new ideas/Aus while you're taking a break from writing so you can fully set your mind off stuff! Doesn't even matter if followers/readers are going to appreciate this or not, it's not about them, it's about you. Remember that your good readers/follwers who understand that authors are normal humans and not writing machines would surely understand if you need to take a break too!

7)Keep yourself motivated!

There might be days when you can and have the time to write, but something's holding you back. You feel like procrastinating over and over at some point lose the motivation to write. First off, that's a really normal matter to see as many of us have to struggle with laziness sometimes lol, but there are some useful tips to keep yourself Motamedi and hyped while you're planning to write! A bit of challenge would not only make it a lot more fun, but is also a good way to keep yourself motivated and inspired!

First, try prompt lists! They've always got plenty of useful ideas and inspirational quotes to use and are absolutely amazing to give you new ideas for a writing!

Second, try to challenge yourself by simple stuff like setting yourself word limits, trying to see how much you can write in an hour, use some suggested words in your stories (ex: Banana, train, knife, turkey) as a small challenge! You can also try small events (like milestone or holiday events) to celebrate on your blog with stuff like: Prompt list requests, CYOAs, character interaction and other new stuff that gives you a better motivation tp write instead of just having to work on the same, usual writing requests over and over.

Also, I suggest putting an specific hour for writing/ checking on your blog in your daily schedule as this is also a way of avoiding procrastination, instead of writing 10 requests a day and not writing anything for two weeks, try to set an schedule like writing 1-2 writings everyday! Remember to put your real life activities in the schedule too so you won't have to go through any trouble to find a balance between your real life and running a writing blog!

8) Remember the crediting/copyrights

I'm just adding this here because I can see quite a few of writers using uncredited art for their stories and it's been much and less of an issue lately ^^;

First off, the arts/headers used in your writing. Make sure not to use any uncredited card or anyone else's edit without their permission, otherwise it's nothing different from stealing the work from the original artst!

If you're going to leave a link to the artist, make sure to check on them and check if they allow reposts with credit or not. If they don't, don't use their art. If they do, make sure to give them a proper credit with a link to them! (:

Editors too on the other hand spend a very long time making their edits and and aesthetics, so not copying their work is just as important as not stealing art from the artsits!

Pinterest is filled with uncredited art and if there's a pinterest art who is not linked to the original artist, putting the empty pinterest pin link would be useless and steal counted as stealing art.

9) Stick with your own writing style!

Writing style is like signature, everyone's got their very own and unique writing style. From the way you portray characters to what elements you use as the story develops, you're totally different from each and every of other authors in this fandom!

You may sometimes wonder if your writing style is any good at all while you look at other creators writings and feel the difference, and I gotta say: It doesn't even matter what others are doing! All that is important, is you.

Don't try to change your style to become close another writer's style, your own style is great as it already is! Even if you aren't yet that experienced with writing and feel like your writing could be better, remember that your writing skills will indeed improve as you continue to write and read newer and newer stuff, so don't worry about it!

Each and every writing style has got its own beauty, not everyone may totally enjoy your style at first but and as you continue to write, you'd get to learn what makes people enjoy your writing even more or how you can attract new readers with your writings, your style will change for the better as you write!

Though it's totally fine if you feel like there are writers who inspire and motivate you, remember that you won't have to be them in order to improve! You don't need to be just like them to be great! Even if you do have some issues like being a non-native speaker which can make it quite hard for you to write, you'd automatically learn and have most of your errors fixed as the time passes. I made LOTS of mistakes in my first writings but I hardly ever make any mistakes now because I'm used to it! Though it was a bit late I finally recognized my mistakes and corrected them! And I'd continue to correct more of my mistakes as I continue to write!

10) It's very good to have different writer mutuals

This one is rather optional, just a small recommendation! Though there are many writers who might recommend this as a rather important factor for running a writing blog, I'd say that this isn't necessary as there are still well-known tumblr authors and even twst authors who gained attention to themselves on their own and not with the help and support of any mutuals or writer friends, so it isn't impossible to be successful even without having any mutuals!

The thing with having mutuals is that it makes everything easier. A totally new twst blog can gain around 100 followers on its first without even posting anything more than a writing and a list of rules only because of being supported and boosted by well-known blogs while a for normal blog without any support or boosting, it may take up to 2-3 weeks or even an entire month to gain that 100!

Also, getting to talk with different authors (especially those who are more experienced than you) is motivational and heartwarming, you can feel like you have a team to belong to. You can discuss different writing ideas/issues/blog chores with them and see what they may think. You can even have their support with new ideas if you feel stuck/unmotivated while writing a piece!

I didn't have any mutuals on my first days either and I admit that this made things a bit hard, but it didn't hold me back from continuing to write! Yet I admit that it's surely very useful to have a couple of writer friends around you whom you can share your ideas with! Mutuals support each other, reblog each other's works and give each other a better chance of having their works read by more users, which is quite amazing and helpful!

11) Go for it and don't give up!

Remember that no one, not even the greatest writing blogs have been perfect on their first days. They weren't well-known back then either! And they wouldn't have been any successful today without being hard-working and strong. Leaving up to the previous 10 rules is the hardest part of having a blog, and it's all about not giving up!

Do not try to judge your writing and talents based on the amount of notes your posts get or how many followers you have, because these aren't ever going to show your true worth and talents! But I assure you, if you continue to write even through your hard days, your unmotivated days and your sad days no matter how hard it's supposed to be, everything will change. The more you write, the higher the chance of having new people find and read your works would be! Keeping up the hard work and believing in yourself is the key to achieving anything you may wish for, even having a successful writing blog!

As you continue to write, you'll get more readers, more notes on your posts, more followers and more people who enjoy your content!

Hope that these are helpful, wish you all the greatest and good luck with your writing blog!!💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞

#answered #twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted Wonderland x reader #writing #writing tips #writing blog tips

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dancingkirby · 3 years ago

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Azula Week Day 4: AU

@azulaweek

This could’ve worked for Day 3 too, but I’m glad I took the extra day to add final details. It’s my first attempt at an ATLA AU!

WARNINGS: Multiple character deaths, and Azula struggling with grief, depression, and paranoia as a result. Mentions of blood, and some brief gory imagery. Vague references to sexual abuse. Azula is possibly not the most reliable of narrators. (There. I think that’s everything!)

Everyone had blamed Father for Zuko’s untimely death, but Azula didn’t get it. How was he supposed to have known that his oldest legitimate child had had an undiagnosed heart condition, and that the stress of the Agni Kai would cause it to give out on him when Father hadn’t even properly touched him with the flames yet?! But he had, and it did, and that was that. He had given Zuzu all the proper funeral rites, and still the nobles were mad at him!

(Azula had only cried a very little bit at the funeral, when Father wasn’t looking.)

Now that Azula was the heir, Father said, she needed extra lessons with him. These sessions were no longer simply practicing katas and memorizing military engagements: now she was to learn how to rule. Father would talk to her every day, and sometimes long into the night as well. There was something almost frantic about the vast amount of information he was pumping into her head, as if he sensed that he had much material to cover and a limited amount of time in which to cover it.

He’d been right.

The worst came to pass on a sunny yet not beastly hot summer day, almost five months after Zuko’s death. Father had decided to reward Azula’s progress in her studies with a walk through the gardens together. There had been more gardeners out working that day than usual, but Azula hadn’t paid it any mind. (Stupid, stupid!) They’d stopped by a rosebush, Father bending over to smell an especially tantalizing bloom, when Azula felt the shadow upon them, saw a glint of metal out of the corner of her eye. She’d barely had time to shout out a warning when one of the gardeners leapt onto Father. Others soon followed. There were so many of them attacking at the same time, dozens of them, with the element of surprise on their side, that he hadn’t been able to inflict more than minor injuries with his firebending before he was completely incapacitated by his wounds. Nobody came to his rescue.

Azula had tried to fight them on her own, but several other men had immediately chi-blocked and grabbed her, working in perfect synchrony. Even with her bending suppressed, she’d kicked and scratched and bit and screamed with all her might, but their hold was too strong for her to overcome. They’d rushed her out of there, carrying her lengthwise and keeping a firm grip on her head, so she didn’t see much of what happened. She only got a quick glimpse of blood and Father’s body slumped over the bush before there was a stinging pain in her neck and everything went blurry.

They’d kept her heavily sedated for the next couple of days; she did attend the hasty funeral, but couldn’t recall any details of it later on. Finally, she came to her senses, only to find herself in Father’s massive suite of rooms, lying in bed. As soon as they realized she was awake, the two servants who had been watching her at the time fell into immediate kowtows at the foot of her bed, and addressed her as “Fire Lord.” All Azula could do was blink at them. Father, that constant towering presence throughout her entire life, was dead just like that. And she, in the span of a few frenzied minutes, had been promoted from Crown Princess to Fire Lord. She was still three months away from her twelfth birthday, yet she was the absolute ruler of fifty million people. Unimaginable power was hers…if she could figure out how to keep it for herself.

Nothing seemed quite real at first. Now that Father’s grueling early-morning firebending demonstrations and late-night quizzes–as well as her obligations to Daddy–had abruptly ceased, Azula had so much more free time that she wasn’t sure what to do with it all. The first day that she was allowed out of bed, she went straight to the Fire Lord’s office. Sitting at the enormous and beautiful mahogany desk that had been built during Fire Lord Zoren’s reign, she flipped through the pile of important papers awaiting her signature, inspected all of the little drawers and secret compartments, held her brand new seal. Her head was muffled as if it was underwater, and she started feeling dizzy. She couldn’t breathe…

(She was told later that she’d been found lying on the office floor, laughing hysterically. Or possibly crying; the servants didn’t all agree on that point.)

As the details of just what had happened slowly leaked out, though, Azula knew she had to snap out of this state quickly. It transpired that a group of assassins had dressed as servants and gotten admittance into the garden. Most of the Royal Guard had either been bribed, or were in on the plan themselves; they’d made certain that the ones who were truly loyal were sent elsewhere at the time. This had been no ragtag group of malcontents who had acted on impulse. The number of people involved had been massive, and the assassination had been coordinated and carried out flawlessly. Even so, to Azula’s fury, their death sentences had been commuted to banishment while she’d still been bedridden. They had obviously had the backing of someone powerful in the palace to be able to carry out the plan like that and escape proper punishment.

Azula knew exactly who that person was…the same man who’d been declared regent before Father’s body was cold. Uncle Iroh. He’d kept his own hands clean, but Azula was certain he’d had it all planned out months in advance; anything to avenge his beloved Zuzu. She highly doubted that he’d have done the same had she been the one to die. Oh sure, he’d put up an act of being concerned about her initially. He’d come to her room a couple times, tried to talk to her, asked if Father had hit her, or had mistreated her in “other ways”. At this last, she had threatened to have him thrown in the palace dungeon, and he made no further attempts.

Obviously, he had expected Azula to continue to be in shock–a shell of herself–and easy to manipulate. He’d let her sit on the throne to receive important visitors, to preside over official ceremonies…but he would hold the real power. And then, as soon as she came of age to dissolve the regency, he’d likely marry her off to one of his supporters, the idea being that she’d be too busy with childbearing to oppose being turned into a figurehead.

Azula intended to prove him wrong. Her first official act as Fire Lord had been to change the lock on the door of Father’s office, so that Iroh had had to go find another room from which to work. Petty, maybe, but satisfying nonetheless. Her second act had been to start forming her own spy network. Ty Lee and Mai would prove invaluable for the latter; no one would suspect a couple of schoolgirls of plotting anything.

(Ty Lee kept worrying about her and asking how she was doing. Mai, as usual, kept any and all feelings to herself. But, no matter how strong the temptation got, Azula could never confide in either of them. That would make them her equals.)

Within a week, Azula had solid evidence that Iroh was holding secret talks with the ultimate goal of ending the war. And he thought everyone would just kiss and make up, and the world would be a perfect place where nothing bad ever happened and everyone would just sit around and drink tea all day? Ha. Unfortunately, she couldn’t remove him from power…not yet, at least. He had too much support for that. What she could do was make his life utterly miserable. Father’s advisors got quite the surprise when she walked into the war room that first time and took her rightful seat on the throne. Regent or not, Iroh still had to bow and otherwise show deference to her in public. And Azula was determined to relentlessly argue every single policy change he proposed until he wished he were dead in Father’s place. Someday, as soon as she was able to rally her own supporters, Uncle would get his wish as he was finally punished for his crimes.

New guards had been selected for her, but she refused to have anything to do with them. There was the possibility that they might turn on her as well, and the certainty that they were reporting back to Uncle. Even the few who had been proven innocent of any involvement in Father’s death had been too trusting of their colleagues. And what about the servants? What if they were plotting things as well? Shiza had taken her children and fled at the first possible opportunity, the bitch. No, this wouldn’t do. Any palace staff that she’d allow anywhere near her would have to undergo a rigorous selection process, run by her and only her.

With all of these pressing concerns, every day seemed like a lifetime to her. Nevertheless, the weeks started passing. Azula made sure that the palace was always ablaze with entertainment. She poured money into the arts like no Fire Lord had done in generations. Erhu and pipa players were stationed in her antechamber all day. She had sleepovers with Mai and Ty Lee and Ruanyu almost nightly, where they binged on sweets and bounced on the mattress of the Fire Lord’s bed until they almost puked. There were lavish garden parties, huge banquets, plays and operas and ceremonial dances. A few foolish people had hinted to her that this might not be the most appropriate course of action in a time of mourning, but she insisted that Father would have wanted it this way. The rest of the court, Uncle included, indulged her. Azula could tell what they were all thinking: Look at our beloved child ruler, so brave after the trauma of witnessing her father’s assassination. Let her have her fun. However, this line of thought was inaccurate in two ways. Firstly, she wasn’t a child, and hadn’t been for some time. Secondly, she didn’t actually enjoy any of it; she just wanted something to occupy her brain, to protect her from her own thoughts.

(The humongous pillows on Father’s…no, her bed were excellent for muffling her sobs at night, once the festivities were over and everything was quiet. She was good at putting up a front for now, but how much longer until that collapsed? How was she supposed to continue like this, without him? She was surrounded by people, yet all alone. It was as if a huge bleeding hole had been ripped into her gut, tearing her internal organs asunder. Would this ever heal? Could it?)

Nearly a month into her reign, Azula was finally crowned. Traditionally, the coronation of a new Fire Lord would occur on the same day as the old one’s funeral. However, Iroh had kept finding reasons to postpone hers. But now he’d run out of excuses, and the Fire Sages assembled at the Coronation Temple for the second time in less than three years. As the surprisingly heavy hairpiece was set into Azula’s topknot, she knelt in the new mantle and robes that had had to be custom-made for her small frame.

“Hail Fire Lord Azula!” the head Fire sage boomed. Azula got to her feet, looking out at the Sages kneeling before her, and then to the crowds of cheering commoners watching from afar.

They all loved her. She felt nothing.

#Azula #Azulaweek2021 #fanfic #short stories about azula

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sagemoderocklee · 4 years ago

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2020 has been a weird fucking year, to put it mildly. There have been a lot of ups and downs, and with New Year’s Eve and the start of 2021 upon us, focusing on the ~positive~ seemed like a better way to end the year, and hopefully start 2021 feeling inspired and proud for overcoming this horrendous year.

For many people, it was difficult--even impossible--to get anything done this year (myself included), and that’s okay! But if you were able to make progress on writing projects, even if it was just one or even if it was just part of one, you should celebrate that! I wish I’d thought of this sooner and organized it better, but regardless I wanted to celebrate my own accomplishments with regards to my writing, and encourage others to do the same! I was going to tag people, but I’m not sure with it being 2 hours til midnight for me if that would feel like putting too much pressure on others, so if you want to do this too please do!

This wrap up is honestly just a self-indulgent look back on the works I’ve made and what I learned/gained from each, maybe what I don’t like about them, some totaling on what I did, and some resolutions for the next year. It’s silly, but I think it’s kinda fun and if you missed any of the things I have posted this year, you’ll find them here!

2020 Fic Wrap Up:

Kado: Parts II+III (COMPLETED)

Kado was started in September of 2019 for the @puregaalee summer event. This was a last minute thing that I started the day the prompt was due and managed to write the first part in about 6 hours while sitting in a cafe--remember that? Sitting in cafes? Man, I miss that. I hadn’t anticipated working on Kado, but I decided that I was going to finish it this year, and I’m honestly amazed that I did. This fic is sweet and fun, and surprisingly popular, though it isn’t my favorite of my works. However, it is a light, fluffy little romcom modern AU, and I learned a lot with it because despite my struggles with modern AUs and their horrible lack of political intrigue, this fic forced me to work within set parameters. I was only writing a 3 part story, and each part could only be 9 scenes long. For those unfamiliar, kado is another term for Ikebana, and in Ikebana there are specific elements to follow. Certain styles will only use three branches, some will use nine. So my goal was for the structural elements of the fic to mimic Ikebana. In doing this, I was able to do something I don’t usually do, which is keep this story more concise.

I’m still not sure how I personally feel about the ending, but I think endings are always a struggle, especially with something like this.

Gate of Dreaming (COMPLETED)

This is a fic that I started last year, then left to sit untouched with only 2k words. Getting back into it was a bit difficult because I was writing something very different from my usual: stream of consciousness. This fic was very experimental for me not only because of the stream of consciousness, but also because of the changing tenses. This was another exercise--unexpected though it was--in brevity. With this particular story, it couldn’t be dragged on and on, because--despite the 100 year time span--the events take place within the Infinite Tsukuyomi. This was also the first time I’d worked from Lee’s PoV in quite some time, so that was fun because I do enjoy writing him, but usually write from Gaara’s PoV. This is definitely one of my favorites from this year, and since it had been sitting on the back burner for so long, I’m so excited that I could finally get it done.

Another one where the ending really wasn’t easy to achieve, but I did end up liking it more than I expected, and I think the best thing is that it’s open-ended which leaves room for others to guess at what the future holds.

It Eats Your Heart (WIP)

This was an unexpected fic for me in every way imaginable. Starting another fic? Making another modern AU? Tackling the horror genre? None of those were things I’d planned to do this year, but lo and behold, that’s just what I did. I really enjoy a good bit of horror, but it is NOT an easy genre to work within, and this fic has definitely been a push for me. But with it being such a push, the payoff is far more. Stepping out of my comfort zone is something I like doing, but I think this is the biggest step outside of that and I am so incredibly proud of how that first chapter turned out because of it. I was really able to surprise myself with this fic, and I am hoping to update the next chapter early on in the year.

Absolution (WIP)

This fic is probably the second oldest idea/longest unpublished fic I currently have up. Formerly a much longer title, the idea for this fic came to me in May of 2017 when a friend, @brianadoesotherjunk / @brianadoesart, posted a piece of GaaLee fanart that sparked inspiration. The fic took off, morphed into something much bigger than the one scene depicted by the art, and now 3 years later, the first part is up. Initially, this was meant to be a long shot, but after sitting with this for so long, I realized that I needed to split it up into 9 parts, which allowed me to use this for GaaLee bingo and finally publish it. Much of the first part was already written before this year, but I’d been quite stuck on it until now. This is actually probably one of my favorite GaaLee concepts to date. I remember back in the day, there weren’t a lot of different takes on getting Lee to Suna so he and Gaara could fall in love, so (at the risk of sounding cocky) I think that Lee as a nanny is rather inspired. I think with this fic, I pushed myself the hardest to get past the hurdle of writer’s block and accepted that publishing is probably the best way to motivate myself to keep going. The feedback for this fic has been really motivating, so I think I’m probably right about that.

I do think there are some parts in the middle or towards the end that could maybe use some tightening up, but I’m just happy to finally have this fic out in the world.

The Art of Love: Chapter 11 (WIP)

TAoL is such a ridiculous labor of love. The chapters for this fic are novellas in and of themselves, so each time I update it takes a lot of work to get them out. This fic is one of those like magnum opus type fics. I have put so much into it, and I’m honestly amazed that it’s only been up for 3 years because I’m approaching the halfway mark on it, and I don’t think I expected to be there by now. Despite being able to churn out 30k chapters, I have a hard time focusing on one thing and I often struggle with mental health related writer’s block, so big works are always sort of sporadic in their updates.

This particular update of TAoL was definitely one of my favorites though. Initially, I didn’t plan to go the sort of dark fantasy rout that I did with Shikamaru, but I actually really love what I’ve done with him, though I worry others won’t be as into it or that the execution isn’t quite there. One thing I would like to work on with future chapters of TAoL, however, is maybe pairing things down a bit--though I’m not sure that’ll always be possible. The next chapter is a Naruto PoV chapter, though, so I expect that one to be a MUCH shorter chapter than the last three and should be able to get it out sometime next year.

Before I could publish this chapter, however, I did go through and make some big changes, which is something I often struggle with because of such long breaks in between working on certain projects. I will say, though, that TAoL continues to push me to greater heights as a writer, and I look forward to actually finishing this fic someday.

Thirteen Strokes: 1 + 2 (WIP)

Another unexpected fic this year, however, this one was actually an idea for about a year, unlike IEYH. This fic has really given me a lot of perspective on my own writing and world building, and has inspired me to sit down and really start committing the things I’ve developed to paper to create a cohesive view of Suna, Wind, and the shinobi world. This fic is meant to be a Romance. Like just full on Romance. I write a lot of tragedy and focus on a lot of darker themes in my writing, so while I don’t think of this as stepping outside of my comfort zone, it is very different from my usual, and a really nice change of pace. I think, in all honesty, it is one of my best works, and I do hope I can continue to deliver on the remaining 11 parts of this story.

if this were the last i felt you breathing (COMPLETED)

Ugh. This fic has been my enemy for 2 long years. I signed up for a Secret Santa exchange, and of course, I regretted doing it when I found that I was not motivated and, after the month of October where I was churning out fic after fic for GaaLee Bingo, that I was massively burned out. I wasn’t able to think past writer’s block, and so I ended up settling on dusting off an old, unfinished piece for my giftee, and I hope they can forgive me for not coming up with something brand new for them.

This fic was a struggle. Working so closely with the canon--following the Rescue Kazekage Arc as closely as I did for this fic--made this a much bigger challenge and this fic sat and sat and sat for two years, untouched and incomplete. I’m still not sure how I feel about it. I know it’s not my best work, but I am glad that this fic isn’t hanging over my head and that I was able to deliver something to my secret santa giftee.

My goal with this fic was to rewrite this particular arc from Lee’s PoV to give more depth to the arc and shift the emotional core of it away from Naruto. Naruto as a character has a lot of flaws that never get addressed, and one of the things that is consistently frustrating for me is the way the emotional core of the series rests on him in unrealistic and often superficial ways. Naruto hasn’t spoken to Gaara in three years, but I’m supposed to believe he’s this affected by Gaara’s kidnapping? Temari and Kankuro are right there! Lee is right there! I wanted to see that, so that’s what I set out to do, and ultimately I don’t think I fully succeeded, but I tried. I guess not everything can be a resounding success

---

This year I managed to do a lot more than I realized. New works, updates, and COMPLETED pieces?! I never would have thought, but staying home gave me more free time, and when I was too broke to work on costumes, writing fanfiction was something free I could do.

Total new works: 5 Total updates: 9 Total completed works: 3 Total words this year: 143,587

---

I have a lot of goals for the coming year, and I know I won’t make all of them, but that won’t stop me from trying.

2021 Writing Resolutions:

Reach 1million words (+238,073 words)

Finish IEYH

Finish Pearl-Filled Lungs

Update TAoL (Chapter 12 and 13)

Update Absolution

Update 13S

Update Find Me (Chapter 6)

Start the Ballad of the Dragon and the Phoenix

Start editing Alliance

Return to working on Honor Bound

Return to working on We Need Not Be Yellow Tulips

#naruto fanfiction #gaalee #naruto #shippuden #gaara #rock lee #fanfiction 2020 wrap up #fanfic year in review

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castillon02 · 4 years ago

Note

Ask meme time! Pick three fics you have written, post a favorite section of each and explain why it is your favorite. Then, pass it on! :D

Only two bc I am incredibly indecisive, but thank you, @yoursummerfrost---this was fun!

From Keeping Crows:

Geralt slid in behind him. “Told you not to sing that song about my two swords.”

“That song just got you laid, my friend,” Jaskier said, huffing with obnoxious offense. He didn’t get it, that Geralt needed sex but it made him feel like a drowner dragging people in his wake, like something his bed partners escaped from afterward.

Jaskier wanted to fuck him—Geralt could smell it sometimes—but Jaskier wanted to fuck most people, so Geralt didn’t think much of it. He didn’t want Jaskier to flee him, so they didn’t fuck.

Anyway, Jaskier touched him even without sex as an excuse. Even half-asleep like this, he reached back to pat Geralt’s knee for no reason. As if their touches were a pleasure. As if Geralt were a person worth touching.

Skin-hunger happened less often with Jaskier around. Saved on brothel money.

This is one of the last sections of the story that I wrote; it came after the wonderful @beginte read my first draft. I like it because it was challenging and satisfying to write, figuring out Geralt’s attitude to sex in this story, and because it manages to keep the dynamic between Jaskier and Geralt ambiguous, queerplatonic or romantic as the reader wants to interpret it. And in a story about getting what you want as well as what you need, it makes me happy to be able to give Geralt and Jaskier the pleasure of touch without the sense of physical urgency that often seems to come with sex/orgasms/etc.

Also Jaskier would one hundred percent make up a lewd song about Geralt’s “two swords” and I love my terrible bard son.

From The Literal Food of Love:

“And coq au vin is the wrong thing to make for a bunch of gangsters anyway!” Ray was saying. “Make them some fucking burgers!” On one side of the kitchen island, she wielded a sheet tray like a shield, a butcher’s knife in her other hand.

On the other side of the island, Mammary was in the process of lighting the rag she’d stuffed into a wine bottle.

“You’re meant to let the wine breathe,” Bond told her, and then they were going at it, Mammary’s mixed martial arts skills against his long career of killing people. Unlike with Rachael Ray, Mammary had zero incentive to keep him alive, and Bond found himself dodging a flurry of brass-knuckled punches and kicks from her pointed heels. She cornered him between the refrigerator and the dishwasher, but a sheet pan to the back of her head knocked her off balance for just long enough that Bond could brain her with a knife block.

“Jesus Christ,” Rachael Ray said, still holding on to the sheet pan. Then she said, “Fuck, my image contract! If anyone asks, I said ‘Oh my gravy,’ got it?”

James Bond rescues a series of kidnapped celebrity chefs while he and Q bond over food and cooking. Possibly the most self-indulgent thing I have ever written? Definitely the first RPF---never thought I’d venture into that realm, but the humor and joy of a Food Network crossover was too tempting to resist. It was SO MUCH FUN and I think it’s the thing I’m proudest of writing for this year’s 007 Fest (excluding the Alluding to Canoodling poem, which was a bit more of a technical achievement with the meter and such).

I really liked getting to write swearing!judgmental!Rachael Ray who thinks your menu is wrong as well as a Bond villain who was a nouveau riche woman with brass knuckles. And I love fight scenes where the actors use the elements from their environment (Jason Statham using his sweater as a weapon in Transporter 2 is always my go-to fight scene inspiration), so getting to stop the villain with a sheet pan and a knife block instead of a fancy Q Branch weapon was just. so enjoyable. :D

#yoursummerfrost #castillon writes #castillon rants

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judaiteitoreokou · 5 years ago

Note

This is for the OTP prompts. Just do whatever ship(s) you feel like doing the most! Write as many or little as you like, as long as you're enjoying it ^_^

Judai: So mommy @shiroekoyuki is giving me free reign over this OTP prompt thingy (is this even an otp prompt? Lol).

This post might be a bit longer than my usual posts…. lol…. hope you guys will have fun reading my answers for this~☆

I’m going to start with my Tsukipro OTPs

HajiShun

• Who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter

I’m going with Shun as the hunter and Hajime as the werewolf. Shun wouldn’t kill Hajime. Hajime with a black purple-ish fur that is so soft to touch. Lol.

• Who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman

Hajime as the fisherman and Shun as the mermaid. I’m imagining a pretty Shun with silver to pure white scales; he has pearls in his head, ears, wrists and neck; and he’s definitely the prince of the Atlantis and at the same time the resident sea witch (warlock? Magician?). So yeah, Shun can definitely turn himself into a human without any of those “in exchange for legs, you will lose your voice” deal.

• Who’s the witch and who’s the familiar

Shun is definitely the witch and Hajime is the familiar.

• Who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict

I can’t imagine Shun as a coffee addict since he usually drinks tea so I’m leaning on Shun as the barista and Hajime as the coffee addict.

• Who’s the professor and who’s the TA

Hajime as the serious yet gentle to his students professor and Shun as the mysterious and mischievous TA.

• Who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

Shun as the prince who either always laze inside the castle or always go out of the castle to observe the kingdom’s citizens (with Kai always fretting and chasing for the missing prince) and Hajime is the knight who is serious in guarding prince Shun’s life to the point that he’s always there wherever Shun is located.

• Who��s the teacher and who’s the single parent

To be honest, I think I’ll find it more interesting if its Shun who is the single parent and Hajime who’s the teacher.

• Who’s the writer and who’s the editor

Shun is the writer while Hajime is his exasperated editor. I bet Shun has two editors and it’s not because Hajime is not a good editor but because if those two are left alone, little to none will be finished. Lol. Btw, Kai will be the other editor. Lol.

ShiTsuba

• Who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter

Hmmm.. I’m gonna go with Tsubasa as the werewolf who refuses to hurt humans and probably just there in the human territory to chill, and Shiki as the hunter who one day, unexpectedly, met the werewolf Tsubasa.

Also, I just wanna see a Tsubasa with fangs… wwwwww

• Who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman

Tsubasa as the beautiful mermaid/merman and Shiki as the fisherman who caught said merman and immediately tossed him back to the water.

Shiki wanted to eat fish. Edible fish. Merman is not edible (and is very pretty).

• Who’s the witch and who’s the familiar

Tsubasa as the stressed-out-for-being-tsukkomi witch/wizard and Shiki as the why-am-I-here-I-want-my-coffee-boke familiar.

• Who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict

Of course, without a shadow of a doubt, its Shiki who’s the coffee addict and Tsubasa is the exasperated barista.

• Who’s the professor and who’s the TA

Shiki as the professor who thinks sleep doesn’t exist and Tsubasa as the TA who forces the said professor to sleep.

• Who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

At first, I want Tsubasa as the prince and Shiki as the knight but I think it will more hilarious if its Shiki who’s the prince and Tsubasa as the knight. Shiki is like goes out of the castle without a disguise to visit that local tavern for a coffee with an exhausted Tsubasa who just finished fighting off tons of bad peeps who wanted to kidnap or assassinate the prince.

• Who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent

Tsubasa as the teacher of a preschool and Shiki as the single parent who was shocked to find his normally stoic son smiling happily to this pretty preschool teacher.

I bet you’re thinking its love at first but nope. Shiki is salty that as soon as he greets his son, said son went back to his stoic self without a single trace of smile. And I bet he became saltier when he found out said pretty preschool teacher is that same first-year brat when he was still a third-year high schooler who criticizes his music and just vanished before Shiki can present to him the complete and improved version of his music.

By the way, Tsubasa is actually a student from a different school and Shiki didn’t know. That’s why Shiki was shocked and thought it was a ghost or something when he asked for a certain blonde-haired guy in every first-year class in his school.

The Tsubasa is actually a ghost theory of Shiki was further enforced when he remembered the said blonde teen looking ethereal. No, it was just the trick of the light and Shiki’s exhausted mind and lack of sleep.

• Who’s the writer and who’s the editor

Shiki is the writer who writes several award-winning novels and articles, and Tsubasa is his editor who kept on forcing Shiki to sleep and makes sure the said writer eats. It was kind of a traumatic experience for Tsubasa when he was still a rookie editor and he found Shiki fainted on the floor due to lack of sleep and food. After that, Tsubasa made sure to visit the writer everyday to keep him well-fed and to make sure he does sleep.

Tsubasa also became Shiki’s muse, without the former knowing it. Tsubasa was the person who broke Shiki’s writer’s block on the novel series he wasn’t able to finish for a long time.

KouMamo

• Who’s the werewolf and who’s the hunter

Koki as the werewolf who is nice to human beings and Mamoru is the hunter who doesn’t like killing werewolves or any living things for that matter. Mamo-chan would rather befriend supernatural beings than killing or making them his slaves/followers. And because of his friendliness and warm aura, he has lots of supernatural friends.

He met Koki when the latter was wounded after being shot in the forest by a hunter. Mamo-chan, who was in the forest to look for herbs, came across the wounded werewolf and carried him back to his house. Helped by his fairy friends, Mamo-chan was able to heal Koki.

Yes, Mamo-chan is a Disney princess. No one can tell me otherwise. Lol.

Also you may think the plot is a bit cliche but KouMamo is just that kind of couple who actually do all those cliche scenes you find in romantic movies. Although for both of them, it came naturally.

If you’re wondering about Mamo-chan’s supernatural friends, they consist of fairies, vampires, the demon lord, nymphs, elves, demons, a dragon king, gnomes, mermaids/sirens, angels, undeads, and beastkins. As for why Mamo-chan wasn’t able to befriend any werewolves is because werewolves attacks or runs away from him as they can smell the scent of hunters from him. Its cause Mamo-chan also has hunter friends.

And yes, the demon lord is Shun. Lol. Hajime is the dragon king.

Actually, if you guys want me to give you details on this AU, feel free to ask. *beams*

• Who’s the mermaid and who’s the fisherman

Mamo-chan is the mermaid/merman and Koki is the fisherman. Mamo-chan as the mermaid is due to that one art by Koyoki-sensei. I think it was an art for Halloween…?

Anyway, Mamo-chan as this mermaid who was caught by one of Koki’s net. Mamo-chan is a friendly and curious mermaid who, after their first meeting, started to watch Koki closely when the latter visits the sea.

Friends with the wizard Shun, he asked for his tail to become legs. However, it came with a price. (I bet you think the price is Mamo-chan’s voice but nope, that’s not it. Lol) If you want to know more, feel free to ask.

• Who’s the witch and who’s the familiar

Mamo-chan as the wizard whose magic sometimes fails while other times its too successful to the point of being too powerful. Koki is the familiar he was able to summon after five failed attempts.

• Who’s the barista and who’s the coffee addict

I can’t picture any of them as the coffee addict… But I’m gonna go with Mamo-chan as the coffee addict and Koki as the barista. Mamo-chan is that one customer who orders sweet coffee drinks to the point you can’t taste the coffee anymore and Koki is the barista who indulges Mamo-chan’s every coffee order despite it being too sweet to be healthy.

• Who’s the professor and who’s the TA

Koki as this cool-looking professor with tons of fangirling students and Mamo-chan is his clumsy but hardworking TA.

• Who’s the knight and who’s the prince(ss)

Koki as the knight who has sworn to protect the gentle and kind Prince Mamoru.

• Who’s the teacher and who’s the single parent

Mamo-chan is the preschool teacher and Koki as a single parent. So I’m gonna merge it with the abovementioned ShikiTsuba scenario. Mamo-chan is Tsubasa’s coworker who plays the piano while Tsubasa sings. All of the kids love him, even the stoic son of Shiki (although said son loves Tsubasa more). While Koki treats his daughter as a princess, Mamo-chan sees her like an independent woman as said daughter acts so responsible to the point that she always looks out for her clumsy teacher.

Mamo-chan is the reason why Koki’s daughter doesn’t act spoiled. Said child started learning how to make food and do chores so as to help Mamo-chan. Koki, while being a gentle, loving, doting parent, is not always around as he has to work and leave his daughter to the maids. He does give the effort to be there when he’s free from work. He was actually surprised when instead of playing, his daughter was helping the maids do chores and cook. Asked why, she answered that she wanted to help Mamo-chan-sensei….. and also be a woman who needs no man in her life, except for Mamo-chan-sensei and Papa (Koki). (By the way, the being “a woman who needs no man in her life” came from Mamoru and Tsubasa’s female coworker who was broken-hearted at that time).

And since his daughter kept on mentioning this “Mamo-chan-sensei,” Koki found the time to visit the preschool to see who exactly this teacher who has become such a huge influence on his daughter. And lo behold~

(Feel free to ask for more details. LOL)

• Who’s the writer and who’s the editor

Koki as the editor and caretaker of one stressed-out writer Mamo-chan. XD

===========================

Judai: Those three Tsukipro OTPs for now. Perhaps I’ll make another post for my OTPs in another fandom. Actually, feel free to send an ask indicating which what couple would like me to write on.

You can also send an ask if you guys are interested on the AUs I made up.

- Judai

#otp prompts #ask #tsukipro #tsukiuta #sq #alive #solids #growth #procellarum #six gravity #shimotsuki shun #mutsuki hajime #hajishun #okui tsubasa #takamura shiki #shitsuba #eto koki #fujimura mamoru #koumamo

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starlightinhumanform · 5 years ago

Text

The Art of Love: Chapter 8

Fandom: She Ra (2018)

Ship: Glimadora

Summary: Two sleep deprived gays in a room. Chaos ensues.

Warnings (for this chapter): Mild language, (please tell me if anything needs to be added)

Genre: High School AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rivals/Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff

A/N: This chapter is just a nice little break because I think we all need some crack fic after season 3. As always, there’s hella fluff just because... I like it. Anyways I decided to insert the headcannon that like me, Adora gets chattery and kinda loopy (read: flirty) when she’s tired. It was funny to me at least and it seemed to go along with Drunk Adora™️ All notes are so appreciated- especially reblogs!! I also love hearing what you think!! Love you all 🖤✨

Ao3 The Art of Love Masterpost Fic Masterpost Fic Request Info

They finished far sooner than Glimmer expected them to. At least finished as much as they could, leaving the freshly painted protons to be dealt with in the- well it already was morning- but later at least. Adora had wired the electrons’ form together with expert precision which had surprised Glimmer more than it should have; by now, she should have figured that Adora was basically an expert at everything. Well, almost everything. Apparently art wasn’t her strong suit because she had come spent most of her time threading the protons together multitasking by pausing to practically drool over Glimmer’s painting job.

In Adora’s defense, she was loopy- incredibly so. The lack of sleep had obviously caught up with her because she was acting ridiculous, all previously standard composure completely abandoned. She kept giggling at random things like her hair getting tangled in the wire (Glimmer had to help her untie it because Adora was far too enthusiastic about cutting her soft locks off). Worst of all, she kept leaning towards Glimmer, bumping her face against Glimmer’s shoulder, and cooing for god’s sake. She mumbled seemingly whatever came to mind and almost all it seemed to center around Glimmer. About her art, about her hair, about her eyes, about the posters on her walls. Once, she had leaned over, resting her weight on her elbow and just staring up at Glimmer from below. She hadn’t stopped until Glimmer had asked what was wrong.

“Nothing. You’re just really pretty.”

Oh.

Glimmer knew it was just the side effects of Adora’s exhaustion, that she wasn’t thinking her clear, logical thoughts she usually did and that she probably- no, definitely- didn’t actually mean it. That didn’t mean Glimmer didn’t squirm where she sat or that her throat didn’t make a strange gulping sound when she tried to swallow and that she didn’t blush deep red at Adora’s rain of compliments. Sometimes when Adora’s face found Glimmer’s shoulder she wouldn’t resist the urge to run her fingers through the blond hair and would let herself feel rewarded by Adora’s happy little hums. Her mind yelled at her to push Adora away but she was so close.

So Glimmer decided to let herself pretend- at least for now, at least for this half an hour while her overhead light meant her window was the only glowing window on her whole block. She could pretend that it was ok to like Adora and indulge herself in whatever the hell Adora was doing.

Despite Adora’s apparent drunkenness, she finished the part Glimmer had assigned her to aptly and faster than Glimmer would have guessed with all of Adora’s breaks to whisper into Glimmer’s side.

Adora placed the mildly dangerous looking piece of wire and clay down in front of her and plodded over to Glimmer comically on her hands and knees. She sat down with an oof behind her, stretching her arms loosely around Glimmer’s neck and placing her head on her shoulder.

Glimmer felt her body tense as she took a sharp inhale, “What are you doing?”

Adora started drawing away, “Oh sorry-“

“No it’s ok!” The words came out of Glimmer’s mouth so quickly she wasn’t even sure she had said them.

“Ok then,” Adora settled back into Glimmer’s back, as if it was more comfortable to be close than far apart. Glimmer let herself entertain the idea for just a moment before realizing it was ridiculous to think Adora would share Glimmer’s begrudgingly admitted feelings.

“But... what were you doing?” What the hell- she mights as well torture herself and entertain the notion, right?

“It’s just that this is how me and Cat hang out a lot.”

“Oh,” The timid little ball of warmth that had worked so hard to climb up Glimmer’s chest suddenly plummeted. Just the mention of Cat was enough to set Glimmer on edge, but the thought that Glimmer was just a temporary replacement, a stand-in for Cat? That was the poison her mind had been warning her about earlier, an insidious venom that made Glimmer sick to her stomach.

“I just assumed that’s how most friends act, ya know?” Adora continued on, completely unaware of Glimmer’s rushing thoughts only inches away. But hey at least she was trying to act like friends? The warmth began to rise again but it was sickly.

Glimmer huffed a laugh without actually laughing, “Why would you need to assume? You’ve got tons of friends.”

Adora shrugged, “I mean, I know a lot of people but I wouldn’t say I’m really close with any of them. Cat’s my only real friend.”

Adora’s voice was higher than usual and held an odd sing-song quality that made the whole, relatively serious conversation feel completely surreal.

“‘cept for you of course.”

“What?”

“You’re my friend too,” Glimmer could feel Adora’s smile on her neck as she spoke and Glimmer was worried she going to start glowing.

“Well that’s one good thing isn’t it?” Glimmer was smiling too now.

At some point Adora made the decision that the correct place for her head was in Glimmer’s lap, settling her face into the softness of Glimmer’s thigh. She looked up with quickly drooping eyes as Glimmer’s hands and paintbrush worked above her. Apparently she didn’t notice Glimmer’s pounding heart or screaming brain because she fell asleep quickly.

Glimmer stuttered through her remaining work because she kept gazing down at Adora, trying to comprehend how this had happened. Less than a week ago she had hated Adora- or at least thought she did- now, she was sitting with the girl curled in her lap like a snuggly cat and a throbbing crushing in her chest. It was too much for head to wrap itself around; especially if part of her mind was still in vicious denial.

Glimmer tried to sort through her options, sifting them through a mental filing system. She could try to be friends with Adora but that would risk her crush growing and that would be painful because obviously Adora would never return the favor. There was also the fact that Adora would probably get tired of her quickly and then that would really hurt and even if she didn’t, Cat held herself far above Glimmer and would never tolerate being around her so then Adora would have to choose between one of them and of course she would choose the friend she’d had for literally her entire life. Ok so what’s the alternative? Stop hanging out with her, push her away as far as possible. Her brain had an immediate answer, but it wasn’t without consequences either. Namely, it might hurt Adora’s feelings and Glimmer wasn’t sure she could stand to see sadness in those big blue eyes- especially if she knew she had caused it. And... Glimmer couldn’t bet on her crush wearing off just because she distanced herself from Adora. Now that Glimmer had ripped the top of Pandora’s Box off, there was no guarantee the flood of emotions that drenched her every time she looked at Adora would stop any time soon.

Glimmer finished painting and sighed, letting herself relax for the first time since Adora had texted her the evening before. She set down her brush and the last “proton.” There was nothing she could do until they dried and she let her shoulders slump forward. Glimmer could feel the exhaustion running through her very bones. She hadn’t pulled a night like this in a long time and it was definitely catching up with her. Her eyelids felt almost as heavy as Adora’s head in her lap. Adora.

She let her smile creep towards fondness as she looked down at Adora. She was too tired to listen to her stupid, crazy brain and anyways, even her thoughts were starting to get sluggish. It gave Glimmer the time to think- actually think- without having to compete with her own input. Adora looked peaceful but very very human. She struck Glimmer as perfect but somehow she had never seen someone look more real than Adora did in that moment. She looked absolutely and, with out a doubt, perfectly sincere- ah, so that’s the word she had been looking for.

Glimmer smiled as she slumped forward.

———————————————————————

When she woke up, she was hunched over Adora exactly where she had passed out. She couldn’t have fallen asleep for more than half an hour but it was long enough to develop one hell of a crick in her neck.

Her eyesight was nearly as blurry as her thoughts but she was aware of two things, the first being that the darkness outside her window had become marginally lighter and was beginning to shift from pure obsidian blue to gray. The other thing she knew was that there was something solid and yellow lying across her lap. Oh, it’s Adora.

Shit, ADORA. It suddenly hit Glimmer that it was morning and her mom would be here any minute and Adora was not only here but sound asleep and Glimmer had no idea how she was going to get her out of the house. Glimmer’s mom had made the habit of checking on Glimmer to make sure she made it to bed at least once in a night while she stayed up until her-mother-didn’t-want-to-know when. She would not be incredibly enthused to find her daughter curled on the floor with some strange girl that she had no idea about. But it wasn’t like Glimmer could throw Adora out onto the streets in a not so great part of town at 4:30 in the morning. Hell, she wasn’t even sure she could wake Adora.

“Adora, Adora, hey Adora. Wake up,” She shook the girl’s shoulders without being rewarded with any sort of response, “Adora!!”

The girl was completely gone and the only signs she showed of being effected at all by Glimmer’s continuous movement was the occasional noise. She might as well have been a large rock for as responsive as she was being. At least a rock wouldn’t piss Glimmer’s mom off so much, though.

Glimmer gave up, huffing and letting her hands fall to her sides. She stood up slowly and carefully so that Adora’s head didn’t roll off her lap with the inevitable clunk that comes with someone’s head hitting the floor (Glimmer knew about this sound because she had experienced it herself multiple times). She sighed through her nose and with her hands on her hips she realized how much she must look like some parent looking at their unruly child and saying “Now what am I going to do with you?” Gross.

Glimmer flopped the palms of her hands against her thighs for a moment before resolving to physically move Adora. She bent down, hooked her arms under Adora’s armpits, and lugged her own body upwards, hoping Adora’s form would move with her. Unfortunately, Glimmer soon found that Adora was roughly as heavy as a large rock as well. Maybe even a small boulder. Either that or Glimmer was somewhat weak. She shook her head- nah that couldn’t be it.

She tried a different approach this time, keeping her knees bent and tugging Adora as she scooted backwards in baby steps. She was able to swivel Adora so her feet were facing the door and her head was towards Glimmer’s bed. It was at this point that Glimmer realized there was a maze of wire and clay and whatever else she had piled up between them and the other side of the room; there was no way she was going to be able to navigate all that.

Glimmer groaned with her head thrown back before placing Adora back down as gently as she could and wincing when the girl slipped out of her arms a little too quickly. Ah, there’s the clunk. Glimmer was almost sure Adora would wake up as her head made contacted with the floor. When she made no movement whatsoever, it flashed across Glimmer’s mind that maybe the impact was enough to actually knock her out.

She pushed the thought aside and began moving the materials out of the way. It took at least ten minutes for Glimmer to reach the bed and in that time period she wasn’t able to figure out anything that resembled the next step. She had already found that she couldn’t lift Adora and even if she could, her mother would be even less happy with finding Glimmer in bed with some random girl.

Glimmer set Adora back down, placing the girl’s back against the mattress side. The only thing she could think of doing was attempting to wake Adora again. This time her rough shakes were successful and Adora sat up only slightly straighter than the position Glimmer had slumped her in. Adora turned her head as she looked around the room with bleary eyes as if she didn’t know where she was.

“Adora, thank god you’re alive- I mean awake. Look, I need you to hide,” Glimmer was whispering just in case her mom was home early by some odd twist of fate.

“Ooo ok,” Adora struggled to her feet, using one of Glimmer’s arms as an anchor to haul herself up. She began walking unsteadily to some unknown location in Glimmer’s room.

“Where the hell are you going?!”

“Hiding,” Adora twisted rather floppily to give Glimmer a conspiratorial wink.

She made her way to Glimmer’s closet, pulling open one of the paneled doors and slipping inside.

“Adora!” Glimmer hissed, “Come out of the closet!”

“Ok, I’m a lesbian,” Adora stage whispered from behind the door.

Glimmer couldn’t stop herself but laugh, hiding her face behind her hands, “Oh my god, you’re an idiot. Get out of there.”

Adora stuck her head out, grinning and Glimmer grabbed her wrist to pull the rest of her out into the room. It was strange how natural it felt- to interact with Adora, to grab her hand and laugh at her and with her and it was all very new but it was all very right. Once again, it struck Glimmer how quickly things had changed.

Adora clambered out of the closet and grinned at Glimmer, “So what’s up?”

“Oh, uh,” Glimmer ran her hands through her hair, “sometimes my mom will check on me and I think she’ll be pissed if she finds me sleeping with some strange girl.”

It took a second for what had come out of Glimmer’s mouth to second to sink into her brain, “Not like, ya know, sleeping together- we just both happened to be asleep. Together. Not even that close. Just like in the same room.”

Adora wrinkled her eyebrows, “Didn’t I fall asleep basically in your lap?”

Shit she remembers that?

“Oh yeah- ha- guess you did,” Glimmer tried for a smile.

Adora returned it with a genuine one, full of smugness that made the blood rush to Glimmer’s face, “So we were pretty close?”

“Uh, yeah, that it pretty close again,” Glimmer prayed that her blush wasn’t showing through, “I mean- um, I guess we were pretty close, yeah?”

Adora was stepping forward, laughing like a chime on the wind, “Is that a question?”

“I don’t think so...”

“You don’t sound so sure,” Adora was right in front of her now, smile close-lipped but still as playful and bright as ever. She swung her arms around Glimmer, clasping her hands behind Glimmer’s neck. Oh no no no no no no.

Glimmer was a gay disaster and her thundering heart couldn’t handle this shit. She wondered vaguely if she could die from- well she didn’t know what this was, but it sure felt deadly. It suddenly struck Glimmer that Adora was flirting with her, causing her to stare up at Adora with eyes filled with more terror than what was usually associated with someone attractive flirting with you.

Adora laughed and replaced her hands by her side before Glimmer’s mind could dissolve further into a tangle of short circuiting wires. Glimmer let out a sigh of relief but her heart sunk fast enough to make a splashing wave in her stomach. Adora’s hands were warm; warm enough to spread heat straight through Glimmer’s core. She looked up into Adora’s blue eyes, searching for answers in the mirth that swam there.

“Glimmer? Glimmer?” Adora’s face came back into focus wearing a grin, “You kinda spaced out there.”

Glimmer wished she could just stare into that blue forever without having to worry about anything else. But Adora was staring at her with a quirked eyebrow and confused smile, “Yeah sorry, just a bit out of it.”

Adora tilted her head to the side and let the ghost of her finger tips run along the side of Glimmer’s face. It made a shiver run down her spine and the breath in her throat glitch to a stop. This girl needed to stop before Glimmer just completely lost control of all her functions, “Well I’ve gotten a lot more sleep than you; you should let yourself rest until we need to get up in the morning.”

“Yeah, uh, about that; how are you getting to school?” Glimmer breathed out the words but it still didn’t feel like her lungs were working.

“Cat’ll pick me up in the morning. She always does.”

“Oh, uh, right,” Cat. Jeez, it was always Cat wasn’t it? She had gotten so worried about blocking herself from Adora that she had forgotten that Cat would actually keep Adora from her- physically.

“Don’t worry about me, though,” Adora’s grin beamed through Glimmer’s thoughts.

“I’m sorry, what?” Damn, am I being that obvious? Glimmer shook her head slightly, hoping it could sort everything in her head to an easy little set of boxes that she had never been actually able to create, “Why would I worry about you? Like, heh, what would give you the impression that I was worried about you? I’m not worried about you!”

Adora’s face fell immediately and the small expression made something twist in Glimmer’s gut. It was nothing like the smug, (dare Glimmer hazard it) flirty smile she had held on seconds before, “Oh, uh, you seemed to get really worried when I said that and I just thought maybe it was because I’ll have to walk a ways to where I get picked up but I was wrong and I shouldn’t have just assumed that you’d be thinking about me. It was stupid-“

“No! It’s not that it’s just-“ Glimmer couldn’t stand the way Adora had turned her head to the side, eyes downcast and only daring to make eye contact for a second before breaking it off to examine the floor. Nah, it was Glimmer’s job to be an insecure loser.

“It’s just what?” Adora’s eyes flashed up and help steady with Glimmer’s for longer. There was that sadness in them that made Glimmer’s heart crumple like a soda can.

Glimmer deflated. She wasn’t ready to let Adora only to be told she was reading into everything way too far; she wasn’t ready to get hurt, “It’s nothing.”

Adora managed to complete her transformation into kicked puppy, forcing a sigh out of Glimmer.

She composed herself. She could lie, she did it all the time- Adora was no different. Except she was different. Glimmer pushed the thought to the side and straightened like an actor preparing to step on stage, “I wasn’t worried about you because you can obviously take care of yourself so I have complete confidence in you.”

The effect was immediate, Adora’s face brightening like the sun breaking through clouds after a rain storm, “Oh, really?”

Glimmer raised her hand to cross a X across her chest and she was reminded of just how close they were, how little space there was between. But she had to continue, finish the act- for Adora and herself, “Yeah, really!”

It occurred to Glimmer that she was more or less doing exactly what she had accused Adora of. Just another thought for Glimmer to shoosh to the side, whispering that she had good intentions while she had thought Adora was just trying to recruit her... or whatever she had thought. It all seemed very far away now.

“Oh... ok,” Adora smiled and Glimmer could swear a lead jacket had fallen off her shoulders.

“So anyways,” Adora yawned, sentence broken by her never satisfied exhaustion, “What are we going to do about your mom or whatever? Do you, uh, do you want me to hide somewhere.”

She grimaced, glancing back at the closet she had climbed out of and Glimmer couldn’t stop herself from laughing, “I’m not going to force you sleep in the closet.”

Adora giggled, “Good- I’ve spent enough time in there.”

Glimmer laughed again before chewing her bottom lip and scratching the back of her head. She dragged the short, thick waves through her fingers as she spoke, “I think we could just share the bed again.”

“Won’t your mom see me?”

“If you take the wall side, I think it’ll be ok; she doesn’t really look too hard,” Glimmer set all her previous concerns aside to create new, fresher worries, her face scrunched up in thought. She had a lot to consider- mainly the fact that she and Adora had a tendency to get wrapped up in each other when they slept near each other and she wasn’t confident her pinning heart and divided mind could handle the inevitable situation. She wasn’t sure if she could stand to wrap her arms around this girl knowing she was never going to be able to do it again.

But Adora was already shuffling forward, Glimmer’s wrist held loosely in her curled fingers and Glimmer’s heart grasped firmly in her casual movements. Glimmer had noticed before the hypnotizing qualities of Adora’s signature ponytail that she wore to school everyday; she had never given herself the time to let herself wonder why she was so fascinated. Here though, she couldn’t help it. Adora moved like someone who knew exactly what they were doing- despite they fact that they were somewhat drunk. Her torso swayed from side to side far more than it usually did or probably should. It caused her loose hair to shift across her back like sand move from dune to dune.

Adora turned with a confused grin to face Glimmer and gave the wrist she was holding a small tug, “You planning on just standing there?”

“What?” Glimmer realized her feet had forgotten to move. She considered taking a step forward but wasn’t prepared to stand practically nose to nose with Adora- again.

“It’s like you never want to sleep,” Adora’s smile was real but so was the question beneath it.

“Oh, uh, I guess it’s just I’m not used to sharing a bed with someone,” It wasn’t really a lie. It’s not that I don’t want to sleep; I just don’t want to do it next to you.

Adora tilted her head the side, “You don’t like being in bed with someone?”

What sort of question is that?? Glimmer took the easy route, shrugging and hoping it was enough to throw the conversation back to Adora’s side.

Adora seemed to be thinking, eyes staring at something far away and a few inches left of Glimmer’s head. She was rubbing the pad of her thumb along where she was still holding Glimmer’s wrist, completing a semicircle from the soft inner side and back up to the top and back down again. Once, twice, three times, four. Glimmer knew it was just a compulsion as Adora thought, but the gentleness made her breath go feathery.

Finally Adora shared her grand conclusion, stopping the movement of her thumb- but not before Glimmer’s knees had given her an arched eyebrow sort of warning like Ya know you can’t handle this sorta shit and we might give out soon, “I like sleeping next to someone; it’s just cozier.”

Adora wrote off her words with a shrug but Glimmer could tell she really meant it, that she felt safer with someone sleeping by her side. It wasn’t Glimmer’s thing, but Adora obviously felt that way with her whole being.

“Ok,” Glimmer wasn’t sure what else she was supposed to say, “well, we should probably go to sleep if we want to be awake for any of our classes.”

Adora snorted and began moving again, Glimmer actually following this time, “God, don’t remind me of that. I am going to look dead tomorrow or actually today haha.”

Adora’s laugh was bitterly fake and it made Glimmer cringe internally, “Yeah I’m sorry about that.”

The girl had already thrown herself onto the bed, back to the wall and face turned up to look at Glimmer who was still standing. She looked confused again, with just a hint of incredulity, “Why would you be sorry? It’s Weaver’s stupid fault that we needed to stay up until god knows when to work on this stupid project.”

Glimmer laid down as Adora continued ranting, resting on her hip so she could watch Adora as she spoke.

“I just hate teachers who assume we don’t have any other classes or homework or- dare we even mention it- lives outside of school?!” Adora’s tone had risen while the volume had stayed the same.

She was quietly hissing her words out, spitting venom at the whole of the American education system, but her wide eyes stared at Glimmer with out any kind of ill will, simply looking for agreement.

Glimmer wanted to just give in, tell Adora that she was absolutely right (that wouldn’t be a lie) and she could listen to her rant for hours (also not a lie). She liked the passion sparking off Adora; she was always so contained and proper that this enraged, adorable fireball excited Glimmer. Because Glimmer could work with that; Glimmer knew fire- she felt it everyday. But they both needed sleep and especially Adora, “You’re completely right and you should say it... just not right now. ‘Cause if you keep whisper yelling, neither of us are going to be able to get any more rest.”

Adora nodded, looking disappointed but conceding to Glimmer’s point, “Yeah, ok, you’re right. But we’ll have to take a rain check on this- I have whole essays about that shit.”

Glimmer huffed through her nose, “Of course you do; and you probably wrote them for fun.”

Adora lifted one shoulder, “Can’t deny that.”

“Well you can tell me about it some other time.”

“I’ll just start yelling at you from across the halls,” She grinned brightly and gave a playful wink, “I’m sure that’s exactly what you would want me to do.”

She plans on talking to me at school... Butterflies were hosting a full on rave in Glimmer’s stomach. And that wink; she was actually going to kill Glimmer.

“Anyways, what time are you planning on getting up?”

Glimmer tried to shake off her blush without success, “Oh, we shouldn’t sleep in too long because my mom usually comes into my room in the morning to physically drag me out of bed.”

Adora laughed and Glimmer continued on, “Anyways, what time were you thinking about?”

Adora quirked her mouth to the side for a second to think, “Would six be ok?”

Glimmer checked her phone and set an alarm, “Sure, that’d give us a whole two hours and twenty minutes.”

Glimmer had spoken with a sarcastic tone but Adora nodded and seemed to get ready to fall asleep. She snuggled her side into the mattress, curling inwards but scooting towards Glimmer. Within a few seconds her breathing had fallen into a steady rhythm.

So Glimmer had no idea if Adora was actually aware of her actions when she reached out, placing her arm across Glimmer’s and pressing her hand into Glimmer’s back. It forced Glimmer to curl herself closer to Adora, but there was no force in it; Glimmer had melted at her touch.

She fell asleep counting Adora’s freckles.

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em-be-lievable · 6 years ago

Text

Alright, I’m having a bad day and it’s time to get real.

I wanna start this off by saying I love you guys. You’re amazing, and the support I’ve been given for making silly memes, art, and stories has been amazing. We’ve done a wonderful job keeping this tiny part of the internet mostly discourse and negativity free- and the Positive Mental Attitude Cult has been a dream.

That being said, I’m officially coming to terms with the fact I’m getting overwhelmed on this blog. Like, exceedingly overwhelmed. I’m a tough b!tch who can take a lot of sh!t, but this is getting to be too much even for me.

My ask box was down to 0 on april first and we’re already nearing triple digits. I legitimately can’t stay on top of it and get anything done. I opened up prompt requests once for a few hours and I’ve still got 30 more to go. The amount of taglist requests is insane and it already takes me about a half an hour to post anything for any of my au’s because I’m just dealing with the taglist. Theres people asking me advice, telling me random things, asking me to do more tutorials, compliments, or just general inquiries and thoughts about my stories and I really desperately want to answer them all but I just can’t. As soon as I post one thing 5 more take it’s place and I cannot keep up. Theres thousands of you and one of me.

And don’t even get me started on the amount of general disapproval I get for indulging on things I enjoy here on my actual main. The amount of sh!t I’ve gotten from The Four Horsemen Au has gotten me to the point I’ve considered just cancelling the project in it’s entirety. Whether it’s people criticizing how I wrote Patton, general qualms with the parts of history I put into it, or people telling me I’ve assigned their places wrong without even having read the goddamn thing or understanding I’ve just started the story has been an actual nightmare. Honestly, if you have a problem with that story f@cking block the tags I RELIGIOUSLY put down and stop sending me sh!t about it. I don’t f@cking care if you don’t like it, just trot along and stop making it my problem you don’t like something.

It was supposed to be a refreshing thing for me to do after I wrap up the fluffy romantic DWAU. Something that catered to my favorite morbid interests and love of history. I didn’t expect anybody else to stan it, or hate it. I just wanted to make it and sometimes I regret that I did.

It’s actually killing me as a creator. And not to be ‘uwu my life is so hard I’m too popular’ -I am grateful for the love I have been given. But I have literally a million other things going on outside of this. My grandma just had a stroke and I’ve to take care of the house while my parents go take care of her and my grandpa. My mom’s friend keeps dumping her problems on me and expecting me to fix them. My irl friends are accusing me of shutting them out and favoring this blog over them. Commissions are backing up and My career is actually so f@cked that I’m forcing myself to start my own business just to keep up with my bills and even considering opening up a patreon.

I’m incredibly unhappy and stressed out and it’s causing me to walk on eggshells and praying that I don’t trigger another episode I don’t need right now. But because I’m not a f@cking quitter and I’m too tenacious to let anything go I’m going to make some motherf@cking changes around here.

So, tl;dr- -I’m no longer going to try responding to everything in my askbox. -Mondays and Wednesdays I’m not going to be on tumblr. -If you send me vents I’m just going to delete it. I’m not your f@cking therapist. Most of the time you don’t actually want my help anyway, you just want to complain. -If you send me another writing prompt I’m going to delete it. -If you have something negative to say about any of my AU’s or fics keep it to your f@cking self. -No more anon. Face me like a goddamn punk rocker.

Sorry it has to be this way. But I’m tired of what’s been going on around here. I’m not subjecting myself to this torrent of bullsh!t anymore. I’ve got so many other cool projects I want to work on, but I can’t if this blog I do mostly for fun eats up everything in me.

#Em Screams #it's a vent #PSA #sorry I tried so hard to keep this place negative free #but this is Too Much™

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chonideno · 6 years ago

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i’m a new writer on ao3 and i’ve been feeling a little discouraged. i was wondering, did it take you long to get where you are in terms of popularity and skill? and do you have any tips for new writers?

Hi! I hope you understand how hard of a question it is to answer, though I’m not blaming you at all, [grandma voice] I was the same at your age. Writing is hard, and understanding what makes good writing is hard, and understanding what makes your writing good is hard. Nothing I can tell you will sound new to you - write for yourself, be patient, have fun, popularity is overrated, yada yada yada.

This being said, there are lessons I keep having to re-learn every 3 months or so. I’ve been writing fanfiction for too many years and I still forget some lessons - not that the words disappear from my memory, but there are some things you only learn through experience and I tend to forget them every so often, until I go through yet another learning experience. Here’s a list of things I wish I was prepared to learn when I started:

don’t be afraid of being bad. I know, you don’t want to be bad, that’s why you’re asking about how to get better, and how much time it takes to be popular. But being bad is the foundation of your experience. We all started as terrible writers, and some of us are still there after years of practice - and it’s fine! You have to truly be okay with the idea that you’re going to suck, too! And no amount of experience will ever protect you from that. Being bad happens to everyone, and it’s great. Your writing is going to suck - and what about it? Your writing is going to be terrible, and? What is anyone going to do about it, if you want to shove it into their faces? Nothing, that’s what. The more you write, the less often these moments will happen (but as I said earlier, they still will happen, and they’ll still sting like hell) so keep at it. Don’t be afraid to be the worst at writing, because if you don’t get this stinky stuff out of your system you’ll never get to the good part.

grieve your Ideas. It’s not the first time I mention it I think, but try a thing: think of your Idea right now, your beautiful prefect story that is just waiting for you to write it down, and it has all of these incredible scenes and this intensity and this emotion and it’s going to be great - now let it go. Your Idea with a capital I is a mirage. No matter how hard you try, you’ll never get 100% there. You can get real close, and that’s where the satisfaction lies, the farthest you go from your outline and the closest you get to the Idea, the better your fic. But perfection is unattainable. The finished product will not be a copy of that Idea you had in your head - worse! The finished product will look nothing like your Idea to your readers, who are not in your head, and it also won’t look like what you think it looks like. Because, and that’s very important, writing is a product of 1) the person who lays its eyes on it (whether it’s the author or the reader) and 2) your writing style and what influences it, the Muse, the Spark, the Whatever people like to chase. No story will look alike to different people. So forget about your Idea - it’s never getting born. It’ll have a cousin, so get ready to love this one instead.

learn about your content creation cycle, and be patient with yourself. You will never be a perfect machine. Writing blocks will happen. Every so often I feel like that’s it, that’s the last fic I was ever going to write, and these feelings are sincere and true. I truly believe it to my core. And then writing happens again, and woops, there I go posting another fic. It’s a pattern. It happens. I answered asks about this here, here and here. Be patient. Learn about your own creation process. You’re not your own enemy.

popularity is, ultimately, meaningless. I know how this sounds, but please bear with me here. Popularity is not correlated with quality in any way. It is valid to chase popularity, but you have to do it separately from other goals. You can’t think “I’m going to write a really beautiful fic and it’ll become popular” because there’s no guarantee it will. You can’t think “I’m going to pour all of my emotions in it so it’ll be raw and people are going to love it” because that’d be wrong again. Popularity is a function of timing, marketing skills, what’s currently trendy in your fandom niche and dumb luck. Some of my fics did high numbers, but I have no idea what led them to do that. I’d even argue that between these few fics, not two got a lot of hits for the same reason. Most of the fics I have written over the years have not made a ripple, and I will, inevitably, disappear from everyone’s radar soon. And what is popularity anyway? Hits? Kudos? Kudos/hits ratio? Digging in the numbers depresses me. You want to be known, this much I understand, but I was on this pedestal for a bit and yeah, I’ll admit it’s nice, but if you don’t enjoy your writing or if you don’t like your own output, none of it will make sense, and it’ll only slow down your progress as a writer.

it’s all about you. It’s really all about you. In many ways. You must want to write what you write. You must write for yourself first, and a love letter to a character or a trope is a good way to do that. You should write what you know - not the situations you know, but the emotions you know, the sentimental truth (if it applies to what you write at least - pwp probably doesn’t need it lmao). You might look back on your previous works and think “wow, this is literally about me”. It’s okay to be self-obsessed in writing and art in general. Who else is gonna do that for you?

you don’t need to fit a mold. I know the temptation is great, especially if you’re starting and you’re trying to figure out what people like so you can make a name for yourself or something, but you truly, truly don’t have to write things you don’t like. there are different types of writers, and you might change types over time as well.This Kind Of Writing is real popular but doesn’t fit you? Then don’t write it. Don’t force yourself to write things just because you think people will like it, it will truly not help. At best you’ll end up confused about what you want out of your writing, at worst it’ll disgust you from writing for a time. I have to re-learn this lesson over and over, and every time it rings more true: write what you want. If it’s horrible poetry, do it. If it’s the next 500k sci-fi reincarnation soulmates enemies to friends to lovers au, do it. If it’s sharp one-shots, or mindless porn, or studies of family dynamics, or one-dimensional fluff, do it. You don’t have to reach imaginary standards either - remember, you have the right to suck by anyone’s standards! You can be the most stereotypical ooc coffee shop au author ever, or write chat fics, or indulge in character x reader fics, and what are people going to do about it? Break into your house and steal your keyboard? No!! They’re gonna do nothing!! No amount of joking about these kinds of writing has the power to stop you!! You want to pretend you’re the next literature Nobel and you’re going to revolutionize prose? Do it! Wherever you fall on the spectrum, take what is rightfully yours. And if you don’t know where to go yet, gosh how I wish I were you - the world is your oyster, so try! Read, and think, and scribble and plot and delete half of what you’ve written, experiment, figure out what makes you tingle, what’s your style, what’s your favorite tropes and genres. You can always let go and change. You have a universe of possibilities ahead of you, and don’t let things like popularity hold you back! I’m really excited to hear you’re starting. It’s all adventure from now on.

Sometimes it’s not that deep, but sometimes it truly is.

So I’ve been writing fanfic for 7 years even though I took 1.5 years of hiatus, dropped a fic then stopped writing for another 8 months, I’ve written 21 fics for 3 fandoms, I’ve been invisible and popular and right in the middle and I don’t know how to make popularity happen, and I don’t know how to get better as a writer - I don’t even know if my writing has improved in any way. All I know is that my experience as a writer has improved. I know what I’m doing now. I know what I want. It’ll happen to you too.

#whoosh that was long #please allow yourself to have fun that's all I'm saying #anonymous #mag answers

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cuddleslutloki · 6 years ago

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I have a genuine question. How often do you actually deal with antis? I've been following you for a bit now and it seems every so often you bring up antis. I've certainly kept my interest about thorki shut and locked away in a box from my friends for the simple fact that all of them think it's incest. It's not an easy topic of conversation but you just seem to handle all the antis so well? Also on an off note about beast!Thor, his favorite pass time must just be rutting into Loki 24/7 🤔

when someone tells you that you're romanticizing abuse [bc i made a stockholm moodboard for a fic] I don't know what I'm supposed to say other than I don't condone it but I write about it? Is writing about abusive relationships bad in writing??? you're the only person i ask for advice so thank you for anything in advance

i’m honestly really glad you came to me. i really do like discussing this topic in this kind of way bc i’ll never reblog an anti or answer an anti ask. even if you’re arguing against them, i don’t think it’s worth it to argue against them if it means also spreading what they’re saying

the basic premise of all anti behavior and ideology is censorship. that’s all it is.

“i don’t like this topic, you need to stop writing it and making art for it. if you don’t stop there will be consequences.”

that is censorship and that is the kind of shit fandom has had to fight ever since there’s been fandom. women, poc, lgbt+ folks have been dealing with people telling us what we can and can’t write and enjoy for... well, probably forever. but we’re still here, creating the kind of content we want to see and indulge in.

as far as how to deal with antis, my advice is to ignore, ignore, ignore. they want what any bully wants: attention

you stop paying attention, you stop giving them time they don’t deserve from you, they’ll die off. there’s no point in fighting them directly. produce the content you want to see and enjoy what you want to enjoy. drown them out. you don’t owe them a response just because they come to you. they don’t have any qualms about being rude to you, so be rude back and just ignore them. i love blocking antis, personally. take out the garbage, y’know?

antis use the words ship and support as synonyms because they think that shipping is some radical call to action for lgbt rep instead of entertainment

shipping is not activism. shipping is about entertainment and enjoyment, nothing more

so this is why i have this very blasé attitude about antis. i just don’t give a fuck about them beyond making posts trashing their idiocy. because that’s what it is. it’s idiocy, but going deeper it’s puritanism at its finest. antis use fox news scare tactic logic under the guise of some pseudo feminist agenda because they don’t understand and don’t want to understand that enjoying dark fiction as entertainment isn’t equivalent to some greater moral stance

they use the same argument about shipping and fanfiction that WASP moms use against video games and loud music: that enjoying and consuming it will make you think it’s normal and there’s nothing wrong with it irl

okay, well, vlad the impaler never played CoD or far cry and caligula never watched hentai but we know why i’m bringing them up in this context without even heading over to wikipedia, don’t we?

they use the words abuse and pedophilia waaaaaayy too liberally and they’re doing more harm than good because they’re twisting and warping words that should have very specific meanings by using them so goddamn vaguely and irresponsibly

my own personal theory is that these people are terrified that if they don’t yell in opposition to these topics 24/7 and actively attack content creators that they’d probably enjoy it, and they’ve been so programmed by the echo chamber of tumblr and twitter that they think this means they’re bad people.

spoiler alert: that’s not what it means

i literally watched a circle jerk on twitter where screenshots of some mafia starker au got tweeted and retweeted w/ pictures of someone pouring bleach into cereal and people had asked to see more of the post. if you really don’t like something, you shouldn’t hate-read about it. it’s not productive, it does more harm than good if that’s the actual issue rather than some reverse psychology-style enjoyment they’re probably getting out of it.

they claim to hate this shit so much, but they’re reading hundreds and thousands of words and putting these images in their heads of their own free will. i don’t do that with shit i genuinely dislike. i avoid it.

i see antis say they enjoy thorki fanart because they think it’s cute, then they see it’s tagged thorki and they have an over the top reaction because the nature of anti ideology states you should never enjoy something like that, so if you do then you have to make the excuse of ignorance to prove that you’re still innocent and pure. enjoyment is apologism to them because they aren’t content to simply attack fan creators, they want to try and drive away the people who consume our art as well because they know you’re the cornerstone of fandom. consumers are why creators create. yeah, i write because i enjoy it, but i also write to connect to my readers and have people commenting on my fics when they like them.

it’s also worth noting that antis only ever talk about shipping. they only talk about sexual and romantic ships. i’ve never seen an anti talk about (often extreme) levels of violence in canon source material for the ships and characters they want to froth at the mouth over.

seeing someone bleed out and choking on their own blood after being stabbed or shot or bludgeoned? meh

seeing a character who was once a child have a sexual thought about a character who was also once a child and is also their close friend? omg why are we trying to make fandom unsafe for people?

personally, i’ve also noticed that fandoms with darker canon material tend to have more chill fandoms most of the time. i think it also depends on the average age in a given fandom. there’s a major difference between fannibals and steven universe fans, let’s just say that.

creating a moodboard for a dark fic is not “romanticizing abuse” and at this point antis honestly have no fucking idea what that phrase is. they use those words the way a bored CEO uses social media buzzwords and hashtags in a staff meeting

if antis want to see true romanticizing of abuse then they can go to serial killer thirst tags and spot the fucking differences between shippers and people who forget that ted bundy was weak, flaccid, cowardly piece of shit

writing something dark or violent or whatever else and condoning the act or doing the act are different. this is why stephen king isn’t under government surveillance or in prison.

make no mistake, this anti shit only applies to fandom. they’re attacking creators here because creators out at the professional levels don’t give a fuck. they’ve tried, and they’ve failed.

creators at the professional level understand something antis don’t: that being able to reconcile your enjoyment of dark media can be a sign of emotional intelligence and good emotional health. it’s cathartic. it’s allowed to be cathartic.

the most common consumers of dark fiction are members of minority communities and people who’ve been emotionally and/or sexually repressed for one reason or another.

antis want to say that fiction doesn’t exist in a vacuum and they are 100% correct! because writing fanfiction and original fiction that relates to parts of my life that nearly killed me gives me control over something that was beyond me in the original context. writing about fucked up codependent, violent romance allows me to process my shit in a way that’s healthy and produces something fun and enjoyable.

my therapist knows i ship thorki, she knows i write thorki. i’ve had her read pieces of fanfiction i’ve written in addition to pieces of original fiction. y’know what she said? “wow, baylen, that’s vivid. you have a way with words!”

i read her a line out of smart boy and told her what the story was about and this trained professional said “well it’s a productive way to process some emotion that you clearly need to let out”

but you know what? if someone doesn’t have the trauma i have? let them write it, too! let them create and enjoy the fictional content they want! more cake, y’all!

finally getting around to one of the first parts of your ask, lol. thorki is incest. thor and loki are brothers. they were raised believing they were blood brothers, even. loki being adopted doesn’t change a thousand years of personal history where thor looked at loki and thought that they came out of the same woman, y’know?

that’s his brother and in the comics his attachment to loki is even more intense. the mcu nerfed that shit. loki’s life has been intrinsically tied to thor’s ability to feel a full sense of joy.

enjoying an incest ship isn’t some sign of moral depravity. writing abusive relationships isn’t bad. gone girl was made into an award winning movie. art should look like life, and sometimes life fucking sucks. dark stories, sad stories, fucked up holy shit idk if i can go to sleep after i read this stories exist for a reason. we need them. we have to have an outlet for our frustration, our anger, and especially our fear.

so which is the healthier option of these

to write up a piece of fanfiction where two siblings are in love in a way that might be cute and soft or might be destructive, depending on your mood?

attacking strangers you don’t know online and threatening violence against anyone who doesn’t think like you do?

i know what kind of person i want to be.

ship and let ship, thanks for reading my doctoral thesis office hours are always

#anon #baylen chats

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axiumin · 6 years ago

Text

Absolution | Chapter 4, The End

I’ve been sitting on it for far too long, but here it is: the ending of my most self-indulgent story to date. A huge thank you to everyone who’s read this and sent in kind words of support. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Pairing: Youngjae x Reader

Genre: Drama, College!AU

Words: 2.3k

Chapters: [1] [2] [3] [4-The End]

“So, why do you do it?”

It was an ungodly hour of the morning when you found Youngjae crouched behind a small outcropping in the west quad, stencil in hand. He yelped and fell soundly on his ass, and you managed to catch a glimpse of the half-finished confession behind him. “I still think abou-”

Youngjae quickly scrambled to his feet, eyes wide, placing himself between you and the incomplete confession.

“I- what are you doing here?” he asked. He sounded strained, voice tinted with desperation.

You shrugged, keeping your voice soft. “I just finished a late shift at the library. Finals week hours, you know.”

Youngjae ran a hand through his hair and glanced around nervously. “You should go home and get some sleep. You shouldn’t be out here at this hour.”

“Well, I was actually thinking of catching an early breakfast instead. Would you like to join me?”

Youngjae had that deer-in-headlights look on his face again, and you huffed out a quiet laugh that came out as a puff of mist in the cold air. “Come on, don’t act so surprised. Go ahead and finish up your stencil so we can get out of the cold, will you?”

Youngjae eyed you for a moment longer before wordlessly nodding and crouching down to finish his work. You shuffled closer to peek over his shoulder, watching as he carefully realigned the stencil and began slowly filling in the letters with chalk. Neither of you said a word until he finished and rose to his feet. As he tucked his supplies back in his bag and brushed the chalk dust off on the leg of his pants, you read the full confession.

“I still think about all of the things I should have done differently that day.”

It took you a moment to realize that Youngjae was standing right beside you now, looking at the confession with you.

“It gives you a lot to think about, doesn’t it?” you said quietly.

Youngjae sighed. “It does,” he agreed.

You gave the confession one last look before you turned and held your hand out to Youngjae.

“Well, let’s think about it over some pancakes. It doesn’t do us any good to stand out here in the cold— at the scene of the crime, no less.” You said this with a smile, and you were gratified to see Youngjae finally relax the stiff set of his shoulders. With a small smile of his own, he took your hand and the two of you began your trek down to the diner across from campus.

The short walk to the local diner was spent in silence, neither one of you quite ready to broach the subject or willing to waste energy on small talk. There was a strange energy to the silence between you, but it felt less like dread and more like anticipation. You waited with this anticipation as a sleepy-eyed waitress seated you and Youngjae in a booth and supplied you with mugs of steaming coffee.

Though he sat directly across from you, Youngjae seemed to be avoiding eye contact. You cleared your throat and finally broke the silence.

“So you knew which confessions were mine all along,” you said, a statement rather than a question. Youngjae looked somewhat chagrined, though he tried to hide his expression behind a sip of coffee.

“I did.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t say anything the first time I submitted a confession, then,” you said, careful to keep your voice neutral.

Youngjae frowned and plucked at the corner of his napkin. “I thought about it,” he said slowly, “but that would have gone against the principle of the project in the first place, wouldn’t it? I mean, the whole idea was to provide a source of anonymous confession. No judgment, no commentary. I thought that to talk to you directly, as Youngjae, would render the whole thing obsolete.

“Besides,” he added, shifting a bit nervously, “I didn’t think you’d want to know that I knew about your confessions. I mean, I figured that if you wanted me to know, you would have told me directly.”

You hummed thoughtfully, absently laying your hand over Youngjae’s to keep him from picking his napkin apart entirely.

“Maybe,” you half-conceded. “But it’s not that I didn’t want you specifically to know about it. I think it was more that at the time, I just felt like I needed to get some feelings off my chest without having to deal with someone directly trying to comfort me. It’s less pressure that way, but I guess you already knew that since this was your idea in the first place.”

Youngjae smiled ruefully and turned his hand palm-up so he could tangle your fingers together. You let your gaze fall to your joined hands and allowed silence to reign for a few moments as your thoughts tumbled about in your head.

“You did reply to me, though,” you said at length. Your eyes flicked up to Youngjae’s to find him looking back at you. “When you placed my first confession near the library. And then the one near my faculty advisor’s office. You put them where you knew I could find them. The one under the bench was just confirmation.”

Youngjae ducked his head. "I wanted to make sure you saw them. I don't know what made you send in your confessions, and I won't ask. But I hoped that whatever you were feeling would be relieved if you could actually see your confessions."

You chuckled. "I appreciate it. But it's almost a shame that my confession didn't end up underneath some balcony or up on the side of the engineering tower."

Youngjae's eyes crinkled when he smiled. "Oh, you don't even know the half of the locations I've been to these past couple of months. Check out the storm drain tunnels sometime, and you'll definitely find a couple there."

You imagined Ars' perfectly stenciled confessions tucked alongside the amalgamation of penis graffiti and rote slang that you knew littered the tunnel walls and snorted.

"I wonder what bumbling freshman is going to find those confessions first?"

"Oh, Akram already found them weeks ago. Told me all about them during one of our shifts together. He said that he could only imagine that Ars is definitely some sort of math major if they're the kind of person to be slogging through shit like that."

You could perfectly imagine the way Akram must have delivered that line, with a grin and a cheeky wink, and you couldn't help but laugh. Yet the laughter was quick to fade as another thought arose.

"Does anyone else know it's actually you?" you asked quietly.

“Only my roommate. He was actually the one who suggested chalk to me in the first place, when I told him about what I wanted to do.”

You thought about Youngjae’s roommate, JB. You’d only met him a couple of times, mostly in passing, but you could clearly imagine the paint that stained his fingers and sometimes flecked his clothing. He was in the fine arts program, and it showed in what little of his photography and artwork he posted on his instagram. Suddenly, the rumors about Ars being a fine arts major had a bit more traction.

“Did he know much about what you were doing?” You didn’t ask the exact question you wanted to, but Youngjae seemed to hear it anyway. As soon as the words left your lips, Youngjae was shaking his head.

“No, I never told him about anyone’s confessions. All he knows is that I’m Ars.” His fingers squeezed yours, silently reinforcing his words. You squeezed back.

“Why did you do this? Why did Ars do this? I know that we’ve talked about confessionals and your whole thing with that, but why take it to this level?”

Youngjae sighed and settled back in his seat, gaze falling to the table as he searched for the words to answer you.

“I mean, a big part of it is providing an outlet for people,” he started slowly, feeling the words out as they came. “But the biggest part is just myself.”

He trailed off as the waitress shuffled up to drop off your breakfast, and you reluctantly released his hand in favor of scooping up your fork. You took a bite of your pancakes and looked at Youngjae expectantly, silently urging him to continue.

Youngjae bought time by slowly chewing on his own bite of pancake. Once he swallowed, he said, “I think I just wanted to feel some of their courage. I told you already that I wanted to be more honest with myself. What I really meant is that I wish I had the courage to be honest. To share the more hidden parts of me. Ars let me do this, in a sense. It gave me an outlet, even if it created more secrets in the process.”

“I understand Ars. But why post other people’s confessions? Why not your own? You could have used the anonymity of Ars, right? The same way everyone else has?”

His brow furrowed. “I tried to. But it was as if I could never find the words that properly expressed how I felt. The feeling was there, but there was something just holding me back from putting it into words.”

“So, writer’s block?” you asked, quirking a brow.

Youngjae blinked at you in surprise before breaking out into a quiet chuckle.

“I mean, when you say it like that, it sounds pretty shallow.” He shook his head to clear his thoughts. “It’s not exactly writer’s block because it was more—” He stopped and frowned, trying to determine how to explain it.

“It was less of a loss for words and more of the words just getting stuck because you were… scared?” you hazarded.

Youngjae’s expression cleared, and he nodded.

“Exactly. It was as if I would start to say something or write something, but the words would just get stuck. They were there, I knew them, but they wouldn’t come out.”

You hummed in thought. You knew how that felt. You thought back to the last time you struggled through your writing and realized that it was only a week ago, when Youngjae helped you in the library. You thought about what he had said to you then, about his love for confessionals and the wistfulness with which he admitted that he wished to make his own confessions. You thought about the Youngjae in front of you now, who was quiet and thoughtful, but different somehow. Changed.

“So did you? Find courage, that is?”

“I…” Youngjae trailed off and swallowed hard, his eyes flicking up to yours. “I think I did. But I’m not sure it’s enough.”

You offered him a reassuring smile, shifting your leg under the table until your knee bumped against his.

“It’s enough,” you said. “The hardest part is taking the first leap. I think that once you’re able to get the words out the first time, it’ll be easier the second time. And the third.”

Youngjae frowned thoughtfully. “But what if I’m still not able to get the words right?”

“I don’t think you’ll have a problem with that,” you said, a smile toying at the edges of your mouth. “After all, you’re a writer, aren’t you? Getting the words right is kind of your thing.”

This time, Youngjae smiled back, his free hand coming to rest in the middle of the table. It looked like an invitation, so you placed your hand beside his and didn’t bother hiding your pleased smile when he clasped your hands together.

“Thank you,” Youngjae said earnestly. “For having confidence in me.”

You squeezed his hand. “I could say the same for you,” you said, thinking back on Ars’ silent encouragement, to Youngjae’s support. “For now, let’s just call it even.”

Youngjae chuckled. “Sure. Even, then.”

The rest of breakfast was spent largely in companionable silence, made all the more easeful by the early morning hour and the hush of the diner. Your hands stayed clasped in the middle of the table the entire time, and even though your waitress didn’t bat an eye at it, you still felt the pleasant heat of a blush warm your cheeks.

When you and Youngjae exited the diner, the sun was just beginning to crest the horizon. The two of you stood for a moment, watching the orange glow spread across the easterly sky.

“I guess this is as good a time as any to come clean,” Youngjae murmured thoughtfully. There was something in his posture, the easeful way with which he stood, that spoke of a quiet strength that wasn’t there before. It felt hopeful, confident.

You smiled and rested a hand on his shoulder. “It’s nice and symbolic. A new day, a new start.”

“Yeah,” Youngjae breathed. “A new start.”

Later that day, you were attempting to study in your bedroom when your curiosity got the better of you. Plopping down on your bed, you fished your phone out of your pocket and found yourself going through the now-familiar motions of opening instagram and finding Ars’ profile.

There was a new post, and you didn’t even try to fight back your grin when you realized what it was. Like Ars’ other posts, it was a black-and-white shot, a photo of a confession on a brick wall that you thought you recognized as being part of the biology school. But this time, Youngjae was in the photograph, standing beside the words.

“I have long fought for the strength to be honest with myself. Now, I have found it.”

The confession lacked the customary sign-off of ‘@Ars’. Instead, the bold white letters read “Youngjae.”

You chest swelled with pride as you scrolled down and read the description of the photo: “Thank you to everyone who has shared a part of themselves with me. I will no longer be accepting any confessions. It is time I repay your honesty. From now on, the only words I share will be my own. This is my confession. This is my absolution.”

#got7 #got7 imagines #got7 scenarios #got7 one shots #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop one shots #got7 youngjae #choi youngjae #youngjae imagine #youngjae reaction #youngjae x reader #got7 x reader

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