#sometimes i go i wouldnt even notice with the shit i got going on. but i am grrr

[carmenpeach]

this is for the carmen lore lovers okay i always think "i should complain less both irl and online since its probably not good to be so negative all the time" but anger really does keep me alive etc but good god this mold shit is driving me insane like thank god i live with all my irl friends cause no way in hell would i invite someone over like "yeah ignore the mildew smell and dont look too closely at anything and dont touch the walls theyre permawet" its humiliating and it's so shameful just having to exist here and who knows where im gonna be living in a month im soooooo sick of this bouncing around where i live the last so many years -_-

like i havent really had a proper home it feels since 2018 like it's just "this is where im gonna be for maybe a year and its just where i keep some of my stuff and sleep at" like cant even put posters up cause theyll die. i have one big painting i made in our room to add some color but we gotta clean off the mold every so often but its abstract so at least it's hard to see and i really dont care about it enough if the paint gets worn away.

still waiting on the landlord to finally get back to us considering the repair guy (who she lives with but idk if theyre a couple but thats not my business im just a nosey nancy) and he was like shocked and mortified at the mold (he used to live here and hadnt seen mold this way) and okay it's a concrete house with stucco exterior but the fact that the middle most wall is wet he said something like uh thats kind of impossible to dry. any professional/ legal ppl weve talked to have said this is basically hazardous living and unsuitable conditions (even with the semi illegal mold agreement we were forced to sign that was snuck small into the lease, if anything its incriminating) and like now what? will we get relocated since this is house needs to get torn down (it has 85% humidify with is like 10% over legal livable limit) but if not then how long do we have to move? if its condemned then what man. we have a backup plan but it's a long as hell drive and far from everything so at least we dont gotta worry about nowhere to live so im trying to not stress too hard and just let da wind take me where it goes. so maybe we will soon live in a real house thats dry and i really cant beleive im back to where i was like 6 years ago of "i just need a bed to sleep in" i want to live a normal life where our cutting boards dont get moldy.

fuck all life.

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

ROSE: When I was really little and had just learned how to write my full name, I noticed my twin brother had really messy handwriting, while mine was, like... as nice as it could be for a little kid. So I wrote my name in his handwriting on a wall and I waited to see who our parents would get mad at. And they blamed him. And that was when my life of crime began.

ROSE: All joking aside, it's really funny that little kids do things like that sometimes. My mother would look at her phone every time she was at a red light, so I got into the habit of saying, "Green," once the light changed so she would know. One day I was like, "I wonder if I say 'green' while it's red if she'll go," and so I did. And she did. And I got yelled at real bad.

ROSE: Though, looking back on it. What the hell was she doing relying on, like, a five year old who was a chronic shoplifter and liar. For that, I'm surprised we didn't get into more accidents.

NEPETA: :33 < my ancestor is deaf so when i was like a sw33p old i plugged all the drains in the bathroom with towels and toilet papurr and turned the bathtub and sink on full blast befur we went out to go shopping cause i knew she wouldnt hear it and i flooded the entire hive fur no reason

ROSE: Ok, that is some nasty shit. I can't even believe the amount of damage that would have done.

NEPETA: :33 < purrson who told their human mother to drive into a red light suddenly has strong opinions on the actions of other children?

ROSE: ...Touché.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

would i be the asshole for contacting my ex to ask them if they could stop talking about me online to a community that knows who i am? (🥐)

tw: kinda emotionally abusive relationship

bg info

me (24f) and my ex (28) were in a three month relationship three years ago following a whole year of friendship. they were my first partner and i came out as a lesbian to everyone during our relationship. when we were together, they were 24 and i was 20. i was very emotionally dependent on them when i was 20 due to mental health issues and so were they which is probably one of the reasons why our relationship was as explosive as it was. i looked up to them, my whole emotional world revolved around them, and our friendship/relationship was the only thing i had in my life at the time. they constantly asked me "hey is it even ethical that im dating you, im 4 years older, you tell me please, oh i feel like such a bad person", yet, they still continued dating me every time they would ask.

our fights were horrible and truly explosive as they broke their stuff in front of me out of anger, threw things at me and insulted me as stupid, amongst many other things. our fights usually ensued because i would ask them for reassurance and they would start panicking and screaming at me to shut up. to be fair, i would cry every time i was asking for reassurance which probably made them feel scared about losing me, so i consider myself 50% at fault for everything that happened in our relationship, i shouldve been able to talk to them in a secure manner that wouldnt trigger their abandonment issues. our fights were quite jarring and made me walk out on them several times out of fear. yet i always came back and apologized and took the whole accountability, even though i dont consider myself the only one at fault. walking out several times during fights was probably one of the worst things i could have done but at the same time i was simply scared. even when i walked out after our last fight, they begged me to come back, which i did, i apologized under tears, and yet, told them that i cant promise them to stay no matter what.. and left.

we met through tumblr and were in a medium distance relationship. after our relationship, i went to a clinic and had to learn a lot about myself, what i experienced and what i want from life. im in a very happy and healthy place now and since the end of 2021 im with my current partner whom i want to be the love of my life and whom ive started to build a life with.

context

i have my ex blocked on all social media because they used to do hour long deep dives into my blog, even as of recently (i have statcounter installed for my safety bc im paranoid about them sending me anonymous asks). at first i also used to visit their blog after our break up but stopped doing so after moving on with my life. one year after breaking up i temporarily unblocked them and explicitly asked them not to look at my social media (or at least to do it in a way in which i dont notice aka asked them not to watch my instagram stories).

while i dont visit their blog/social media because i dont want to know whats going on in their life, tumblr mutuals frequently dm me stuff like "hey i think you should know that your ex posted about you/shit talks about something that you posted". i havent asked my mutuals to tell me whenever this happens but i imagine they do so because within the tumblr space we exist, everyone kind of knows everyone (so my ex doesnt have to mention my name for people to know who theyre talking about). sometimes mutuals send screenshots of the posts so that i dont have to visit my ex's blog. last ive heard my ex joked about throwing jewelry at me and posted extensively about a tattoo that i got. my ex's behavior makes me uncomfortable and feel just as helpless as i did back then.

why i might be the asshole

im scared that they might be venting because i was more at fault in the relationship than them and that i am unconsciously deflecting. however, i talked about every detail of the relationship and this fear extensively with my therapist, friends, and partner who are of the opinion that i was young, scared, and intertwined in a relationship that was incredibly toxic. im still unsure though because my emotions frequently triggered theirs.

why they might be the asshole

i asked them once to stop visiting my social media and i feel like venting about our relationship that broke off 3 years ago to a tumblr community of friends and acquaintances is kind of unfair. however, i might be the asshole and they might just need the space for venting. i could just ignore the vents and let them heal in their own way from what ensued.

WIBTA if i confronted them again and told them that i want them to stop talking about me online? or would i be a party pooper because every person needs a space for venting?

What are these acronyms?

[dullgecko]

I hc that Riz basically treats Baron as a pet while they're in his briefcase. He has to "feed" him twice a day, once before leaving school and once before his "bedtime" (he usually just throws food scraps, wet dog food, or just random trash int his briefcase to feed them). He sees toys and buys them specifically for Baron. If Baron ever escapes he just walks the block a couple times until they tire themselves out.

The other Bad Kids dont notice until one sleepover Riz forgets to feed him before sleeping and they crawl out to watch them all sleep. Adaine wakes up and then immediately wakes everyone else up by screaming. They ask Riz why and he just says he couldn't figure out how to get rid of them.

After the whole 'you tried to murder all my friends and also possessed some of them' debacle he does try to find a way to get rid of Baron for good. His first step was getting Kristen to help him talk to Cassandra and figure out what the fuck is going on but the goddex is also super confused, but tries to get Barron to chill out a bit.

They can't get rid of him, but they come to a decent understanding. Barons not going anywhere (until Riz fixes what created him in the first place and GOOD LUCK he's not unpacking that can of worms until highschool is over probably he's got other shit to worry about).

He wouldnt be activly mean about Baron being in his suitcase, leftovers if he thinks Baron would like it but dogfood and trash is going a bit far (and definitly makes things worse, as do all terrible coping mechanisms when you're dealing with a literal manifiestation of your psyche). If he sees something he thinks Baron would think is interesting while out and about, he'll get it and he usually gets a couple weeks of peace without seeing them afterwards.

He doesnt even need feeding really, Baron technically doesnt NEED to eat he just needs to be acknowledged and if Riz forgets to say goodnight a couple of days in a row THEN he does the whole sleep-paralasis demon thing (*Baron staring unblinking 10cm from Riz's face waiting for him to notice he's there even though he's asleep* you did not sae goodneight Riz Gukgak~ It is okae, i shall say it instead but do not forgaet again.).

Baron is the manifestation of something repressed that Riz wants to ignore, but ignoring it makes it worse (and ignoring it a lot gets you locked in a metaphorical/literal haunted house where everything is trying to kill you oof). Sometimes you have to acknowledge those feelings and thats OKAY even if you dont have the time or energy to work through them right now.

[cassedyevihtt]

Solitaire and Radiosilence

I have been listening to these audio books again. About how these characters pour their hearts out online. And how people go through trying times but have friends thats there for them.

Examples of this is Tori she suffers alot alone and has to be there for charlie "i am the one thats suppost to be there when these things happen"

She cant bear the thought of someone being concerned and caring for her. But at the end of the day she feels safe with a person and lets him in. This is extraordinary.

Another thing that are common in fiction in general is that these emotional issues get to a high point where shit has got to go down. Like there starts a fire at Tori's school that makes her properly freak out and thats how she and people around her find out abt exactly how depressed she's been feeling.

Or when Tori sees micheal lose that scating competition. And he rages.

That sort of thing never happens in real life. Most of us suffer in silence. And it never gets this high point. It might gradually go over or it stays for a loooong time.

And if it does get a high point, people are never there to see it. Not the people you care abt most anyway.

Cuz u shield the people u care abt. U dont want them to go around concerned.

I freak out over things. It can get hard for me to stand or breathe sometimes and i can get a bit manic. This is all in my head. I can get easily overwhelmed bc i naturally think alot. And notice alot of things. Especially when doing something new. And not fun. Like work. This is just a basic truth for me. Something i need to live with and be patient with.

And when i get like that, sometimes I just want a hug. And other times i want people to fuck off and I just need a break and a snack. And some sleep. And to make a list.

How nice would it be for someone to know and understand that? I dont want people to be like "oh no will she be alr doing these big things she wanna do in her life?" I dont want them to make me doupt myself. I want them to stand by, see me suffer and see me pull through anyway. Like the push and pull. Both "u got this come on one more step!!" And "now u just chill, tomorrow u work"

Radiosilence has a sequence where Francis goes and finds his sister, tracks her down, fools aled's toxic af mother and finds his sister. Aled's sister and Francis and Daniel and Rain all drive 6 hours in the middle of a schoolday to find Aled.

And i feel like this also only happens in fiction. People truly caring for one another and seeing when other people are hurting and DOING something abt it. Solitaire had it realistic "i saw it comming and yet I did nothing" both charlie and tori said this to one another.

I wish someone would do that for me if they knew i was not feeling well. And i wish people would do that without it needing to be "i think she might kill herself" it could just be "mate, i think she's having a stressy day, so lets bake something nice for her and do something fun together" I mean, it doesnt have to get so serious before friends just contact each other or appear without warning and just hang out or talk.

I think, the friends that i have now, i probably wouldnt have taken that roadtrip for them in the middle of my schoolday. I'd think for them to sort it out by themself. Now, with Aled, the character's got a houndred hints that he was not okay. But in real life u cant tell. People just go around lying and maybe stop texting if they even did much in the first place.

I knew one friend was hurting herself. So i asked abt it. This was before i grew up. She talked abt it and i said for her to talk to me abt it from that moment onward. I also showed concern for another friend who had 'issues at home' I said for her to meet me after school one day where she could let it all out, and I would listen. So i did.

Another friend had panic attacks and I tried to show that i was there for them aswell. I tried to ask how they were, if they were getting help (which they were)

But then i went through shit. And i didn't feel anyone was there. I later told a friend myself, but before that no one really noticed.

I am pretty sure my main friend group knew shit was bad for me at some point. I said i'd done something stupid and they'd all ask what and i couldnt tell them.

Now later we dont really talk. My friend that had panic attacks isnt on the same wavelength as me anymore. We dont have the same interests and they have this other friend that is better. And i pissed of their little sister.

Its just. I think I chose the wrong friends. Friends who just wants to use me and discard me when i have nothing more for them to use, when i don't want to listen to their sob stories anymore. There is no genuine "how are u though?" Bc they do ask just to be nice but in reality everyone knows that they wouldnt be able to take the answer. They wouldn't want to hear the real answer. They just want to feel guilty. They want reassurance. They dont want to be there.

I am ready to move away from this place. I want fresh air. New friends that will take initiative. That wont just wait for me to make a move. But actually come around to my house and check up on me, not bc i seem sad but bc thats just a nice thing to do.

That they will call me instead of me just calling them. (For example one friend I called alot but he never called first)

And this is not me wanting pity. I dont do pity. What i want is understanding. And to be seen. Like micheal and Tori. For someone to stop and invest in the energy to get to know me, slowly. Quality time. Pick up cues and pieces of who i am. Not just the rough tough exterior i have (which I love) but the person inside too.

Maybe I'd like it to be more than one person so that I dont enter some Co-dependant relationship/friendship again. Still a bit hard to trust myself or anyone else after something like that. It has always been hard for me to trust others though.

In reality the only one that can save u is urself. It would be nice to have team players though. Real and actual team players.

[suffarustuffaru]

ok now that i caught up on a few asks (ill be back later!!) i got an awful awful omegaverse detail to share. i really like the omegaverse au rezero takes on here, yall have such interesting ideas. but okay i got one—

otto should be an alpha.

OKAY now hear me out for a second. i 1000% agree that otto being a beta makes absolute perfect sense. even though his personality is kinda loud sometimes, hes usually just kinda There. you know? hes always in the support role and he usually doesnt draw attention to himself. always stuck in the background and in the shadows 👍 he also wants a nice comfortable life. hes wanted to fit in throughout childhood. he takes care not to make others hate him (unless hes being impulsive/reckless). etc etc.

he knows that he fits the beta role to a T. thats why if he was anything BUT a beta, he’d be pretending to BE a beta.

this is because otto being an alpha exacerbates all the issues he develops by the time you get to arc 8. because otto is THE worst person to be an alpha. he doesnt fit the stereotype and the usual alpha at all. hes not very powerful. hes easy to make fun of and humiliate. hes not very dominant either. he tries to say all sorts of stuff in arc 8 and assert his place there and more than half the time he gets shrugged off because hes being dumb and no ones gonna do some of the shit he says. hes got a gazillion different complexes now about being useless and about being Secondary and he gets desperate so hes like “well i can walk in darkness though. im useful!! i swear!! this is what i can do!! everyone else is wrong!!”

so of course otto would pretend hes not an alpha because he is The complete opposite of what the “perfect” alpha should be. as hes growing up he would be like judged for that sort of thing, you know? and then he’d decide its more convenient to go on blockers or whatever and pretend to be a beta because betas are Normal. betas dont get noticed that much. not much is expected of you besides being the Support, right? depending on how you wanna interpret omegaverse politics wkdnd. and ottos like oh yeah. i wanna be seen as normal. and if i cant be a good alpha, if i cant be what an alpha should be, im gonna be a good alpha via playing the support role!! and theyll all know im dependable and useful and theyll need me and i can revel in the fact that they dont know im an alpha!! but im outplaying them!! i got them to need me!! my tactics have made ME the secret alpha controlling everything!! this is perfect!! im a good alpha!! i came out on top still!!! this is great!!

and then arc 8 comes along and it ruins everything and otto is back to being the absolute worst alpha of all time that everyone thinks is a beta anyway because hes 1. made this a self-fulfilling prophecy and 2. literally no one is gonna look at him and think “oh hes alpha material” after all this time. and after all his arc 8 shittery.

yeah so anyway then otto explodes with rage because his stupid alpha ass is like oughhhh ohhhhh ouhhhh my god im not in control anymore im not dependable anymore im not a good support anymore!!!!! no one takes me seriously!!!!! ill show them!!! ill show them all!!

also he probably thought of subaru as. as his omega. and subaru wouldnt even know because after all my good buddy pal otto is a beta 👍

[superemeralds]

Who is your oldest (like longest had) OC? When did you come up with them, or tell us what the inspiration was!

my oldest oldest OC is Diana, she's a sailor moon self-insert who's the princess of the entire galaxy (as opposed to usagi's pathetic reign over juuust the solar system lmao) and she was sailor star. To be fair thgouh, I did make her before i saw season 5 and that season ruined my entire lore and I kind of dropped sailor moon for a while after that akjfhkajsf but when i was 9 or 10 i started making this sailor moon season 6 comic where my oc was the main character obviously but i was also obsessed w like 5 other certoons and anime so it just all meshed together. also all the other characters wouldnt stop commenting on my character being sooo tomboyish and how she was seen as one of the boys and one conflict was her not wanting to be girly when she transforms... I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANT FOR ME.........🏳️‍⚧️

my oldest OC that i actually have like. well recorded inspo and history of (drew him lots, still use him sometimes) is saph.

he was my sonic self insert at first. in the very beginning he was sonic's long lost sister ♥ back then he used to work for eggman. also i only knew about sonic from sonic x and only the first 2 seasons existed in germany at the time i watched it, so i thought 1) shadow is one of eggmans minions 2) shadow is an ugly jerk and i hated him lol.

(the rest is under cut bc this came out suuuper long)

same story as last oc. at first trying hard to be girly, (also holy shit i found the poerfect img for this)

but that's uncomfortable so i'm making the oc edgy. (notice the "MALE NOSE!!!!") at this point the backstory was that he's a "clone" of sonic shadow and silver.

no wait even better. run around naked like the boy characters.

everyone always confusing the giiirl for a boooy and i genuinely got some hate for my character design bc i shipped him w shadow and wow u cant have a homo OCxCanon ship ewww lmao but oh well.

someone once dared me to do a genderbend and then i just changed the color from white to black and they were angry i didnt do a proper genderbend. while the anti version of the character was a proper girly girl with pink and sparkles and smiles and rainbows and skirts and frilly tops and stupid hairstyle. and ppl complained the anti looked more like a genderbend. (below is the "anti". i can't find the genderbend anymore)

for me it just was my first crack in the egg bc hey. i don't want to be preppy, i want to be emo. but im not allowed bc girls are not meant to be edgy. and im notally not projecting on the boy version of this character more than the girl one. nope.

with every year i reduced the hair pieces at the front lmao but ya after my egg cracked i focused more on making him cool andkeeping him gender neutral. Then i used him to prcess a lot of my ongoing hardships in life. the redesign also being bc of a big shift (well. yeah me transitioning socially lmao)

he's unfortunately associated a lot w that painful time so i don't use him a lot anymore

he came a long way though im proud of him. here's one of the most recent drawings together with his brother (also has lots of lore on how he happened but im not feeling like it rn to go on that tangent)

[sludgewolf]

Soren Relationship/General Hcs

Disclaimer: do not copy, repost, take or feed to AI or NFTs anything I post

Masterlist

You fell first but he fell harder kind of deal

post Battle of Storm Spire tho, before that he had negative rizz

seeing him grow from under his father opressive gaze into the crownguard you got to know, it was hard to not fall for him

Though he's still the little camp boy the castle has always known, he sings and hums camp songs to you all the time

he's still a dork at heart, making puns at any oportunity, trying to draw a laugh from anyone around

Soren takes great pride on Ez trusting him with being the crownguard, basically trusting him with his life

on top of that he tries the hardest to keep the royal brothers' inner children alive, in spite of everything that has happened in these past few years

Viren pressured Soren to grow up fasters, of course it didn't work like he wanted to, but the pressure still weights down on him and Soren refuses to see it happen to Ezran and Callum

especially with Ezran, who had the weight of the whole kingdom thrusted on his shoulders at such a young age and Soren refuses to let them suffer through it alone

so yes, despite anything you say Soren still spoils the shit out of the kid, even sneaking behind your back for him sometimes

but it's mostly harmless, many times ending with some fun little adventure around the castle

Mr Crownguard still wears his pajamas under his armor, claiming that it's the best idea ever

you judge him hard but you know that it won't stop him anyways

you manage to make him agree to change pajamas everytime he uses it outside

After the Battle of Storm Spire Soren and Amaya grew close, bonding over their dutties and exchanging battle strategies like pokemon cards

they ended up growing really close, with Amaya treating him as another nephew and trusting him with taking over things at Katolis

that's why he was heartbroken when you couldn't attend her wedding due to his deadbeat dad coming back to fuck everything up

thankfully he had you by his side, or he wouldnt be able to handle everything that happened that night

Loved dragons when he was a little kid, after everything he still keeps his dragon plushie on the bed while not using it

on the first oportunity he showed it to Zubeia and Zym

Many of your dates end up being third wheeled by Hat since none of you have the heart to say no to the little guy

As anyone who knows Soren can attest, he loves to exercise to keep in shape

laps up and down the tallest tower every morning are a must do for him

Soren always asks you to join him in his workouts, even if it's just for you to sit on his back and count as he does push ups

will run up to you and easily lift you up in a hug everytime he sees you to show affection

you were surprised by his strengh at the start, he claims it's due to his ridgid workout rotine but it's actually due to the spell used on him when he was a small child

Viren's so called perfect spell thankfully seems to not have negative effects other than maybe him eating way more than humanly possible

and after Claudia's healing spell his healing and strength get even greater, almost clearly supernatural but Soren would be the last person to notice that

and you're not going to be the one to tell him that, knowing him it would only make him even more reckless

jumping off in front of danger in order to protect others with little regard for his own safety, especially if that someone is you

then he'd fight a dragon again just to protect you

Sor-bear ironically used to be scared of bears as a little kid, his mom had to stop telling the story of Goldy Locks to the siblings due to that

To this day Soren still has nightmares from when he stabbed Viren and seeing Claudia's reaction to it, even if it was an illusion it still haunts him

before you were a thing he'd struggle to fall asleep, usually prefering to exercise to the point he'd drag himself to the nearest surface and passout from exaustion

now with you he likes being the big spoon, your smell and touch calming his nerves enough for him to fall asleep

Through the night Soren holds you thight and close to his chest, almost as if he's scared that like his family you'll vanish too

If you liked this pls reblog and comment so I know to write more like it

[gamblersdoll]

ITS THE MATTER OF IT… chapter 7

today was a .. interesting day.

yuuji, loved Christmas and since it was his first christmas with you, he was super excited. especially since all he had was megumi, kugisaki, todo, his teachers, and you.

when you had woke up, he was in bed already, with what he wanted was to make pancakes, but were crepes instead. it felt weird for anyone to put effort for you, but, it warmed your heart so much. when yuuji was in love, he loved hard as hell. especially since he knew his fate, and maybe yours too.

“i hope you uh.. like crepes? i tried okay!” he exclaimed, looking away in embarrassment and fear.

you only chuckled, taking the crepes and the hot cocoa he made for you.

“i love them, yuuj. thank you.” you had said, planting a smooch on his cheek with your plumpy lips. you felt his face turn hot.

“oh thank god, todo thought youd hate them.” he said, sighing. “speaking of, can we all hang out today? i know its cold and all but i promise to moisturize you before and after we leave!” he promised, he knows how dry your skin gets when its too cold, or too hot. and you had to lather yourself in lotion or soak in the bath with your choice of oil in it.

you had agreed, and fuck was todo huge.

he toward over you, he was like that one overwatch character that yuuji had told you about. but you liked how long todo’s locs were, he prided himself on that.

“its not too cold out, thank fuck.” you said happily, taking a sip of your drink. it always made you all dry and itchy. yuuji, the sweetheart, gave you his jacket, making sure to bring a spare.

“brother, shes tiny!” todo had said, confused. see, you were on the thicker side, which never is a problem for yuuji, nor for yourself. it was just fact. when todo said you were tiny, it meant that you were tiny.. between his and your height and size. what did todo expect though?

“uh.. youre like six foot two and im not.” you deadpanned, almost laughing at his stupidity. it was all in fun though. meanwhile yuuji and todo argued and bickered like “brothers,” you watched yuuji’s pocket. the fuck was he hiding? you never knew with him.

“time to leave.” you had said, noticing whatever crowd was at the stores and the commotion. whenever you said its time to leave, yuuji would sometimes question, todo would always side eye him, and it would end off with a “yes maam,” or a “okay mama!” while he smiled , because you knew he can be a cheeky shit.

todo had bid his farewell, happy holidays and went back to kyoto, and it was just you both.

“so, whatcha hiding?” you had asked, not looking at him and looking at your phone, seeing all of the romantic things going on in the internet.

“why dont you look?” he had said, using his finger to make you look at him, in all seriousness.

he just knew how to make your heartstrings tug, considering the necklace he had given you just now. it was a pretty necklace, not too small nor big, silver, and with a little diamond with it. you felt.. strange. like you had been in this situation before?

“i know how my life will end, y/n. but i want it with a promise, no matter what— even if you are strong, independent, that i will protect you, and make you happy!” he promised, a smile on his face and holding you.

tears welled in your eyes, before quickly turning away and wiping them quickly–

“oh no mama! i didnt mean to make you cry..!” yuuji had said hurriedly, frantic that he had hurt you.

“im not crying! i got an eyelash in my fucking eye!” you said, you wouldnt dare show that he made you cry from how sweet he is, from how much he shows that he cares, how much he cherishes you.

“yeah right.” he chuckled, clicking the necklace around your neck and kissing you deeply. “it looks so pretty on you, mama.” he said, pressing his forehead against yours. “i love you.”

“i love you.”

…

“do you like it, y/n?” sukuna had asked, folding both pairs of his big arms. he suspected you hadnt.

“ i do, thank you, master suku-“

“what have i told you about that? just call me ryomen.” he said, correcting your error.

“thank you, ryo.” ryo, a nickname only you and you alone could call him. you thought you were only in his life because of how well you could fight, cook, and how you can always strategize a plan.

but you back then, were more than that.

“good. its a promise then.” he had said, rolling his eyes away from you and to the outside world. he stood up from you, standing at a cowering nine feet tall height and his big arms still folded.

“what promise?” you had asked, tilting your head at him while trying to have his whole figure in your view.

“none of your business, yet.” he had said lowly… only planning to know when his curse on your body would take its course.

reposts, tags, comments, are deeply appreciated! happy holidays!!

honorable tags: @lisaaannna @coldbreadbouquetworld

[haemosexuality]

the timeline goes

00-18 years old: i have always been VERY babies by my parents. i wouldnt call them helicopter parents per se, like they always let me do the things i asked (tho i never drunk or partied or stayed out late and dont know how that wouldve gone), but they always... just really protected me, i guess? spoiled me even. theres an embarrassing amount of household chores i just dont know how to do because they never asked me to and im not the type of person that intuitively knows i should be doing something, for example.

they would sometimes look through me phone till i was about 14 or so, my mom had an app that would lock me out of my phone after a certain time until i was 16. they always talked to doctors for me, bought stuff for me, went with me everywhere. aside from the phone stuff, i never had a problem with any of this. i was a very anxious child and an even more anxious and scared teenager, so having my parents helping me with everything was not just great but something i genuinely needed otherwise i would be having meltdowns every day (i mean. for some time there i was literally having full blown meltdowns like twice a week even with their help, so). i was also always just kind of... childish, both in interests and, when i got in the older part of my teens, mentality.

like i said i dont know how to Do a lot of things. adult things like chores and idk scheduling a doctors visit or finding a job. its hard for me to know things intuitively, its stressing and difficult to learn. idk how much of that was that i never had the ability to learn and how much is the autism that means i need my hand held a little more than its normal.

anyways, i never noticed how much my parents babied me, like at all, until it was pointed out to me by the neuropsychologist assessing me for autism earlier this year. and i was like, "...huh. yeah. youre rights. my parents do everything for me."

it was a lightbulb moment but i was freshly 19 and out of school, terrified of having to Become and Adult, and didnt have any problem with it. yes please continue doing everything for me, the world is so scary, the amount of things i have to learn is overwhelming, im scared of growing up, please let everything stay like it is.

march-june: things stay like this. i keep hating myself for how incompetent i am, but make no move to change that. i take the tiniest steps towards getting a job but thats scary so i keep putting it off. lifes goes on, very slowly.

july: i spent a week at my cousins house. she lives in a big city (i live in a small one in the middle of nowhere), 3 hours away from my house. ive done that before but this time she's 23, im 19, and she lives mostly alone. its the happiest i feel in a very long time. my mom isnt hovering over me, demanding i tell her everywhere i go. i can just go out. alone. in a big, dangerous city. i can stay out late and she cant do anything about it bc shes 3 hours away. i can drink and she wont know. i just feel free

i dont actually do that much bc in my core im not really someone who enjoys partying. i stayed out until like 1am and drank half a bottle of beer (it tasted like shit), but it was the first time i did that ever and while my parents Were blowing up my phone asking why i hadnt told them i was home yet, what were they gonna do about it?

in the next day me and my cousin's older sister (27) stayed up until 5am just, talking. shes a lot like me in a lot of ways, and we both cried a lot bc of that. she told me how much better her life got when she loved out of our small city and went to live on the big city. how many more opportunities there are, how many people there are, how many gay people there are and people like us and jobs that i can never find living in the middle of nowhere and just so much understanding. so many possibilities.

july: i come back home. to my small room and my parents. to the same shitty job options ive been imagining my whole life. i feel like the older sister poisoned me, i cant stop thinking about moving out of my house, of this city. i never realized how unbearable the pressure was until i was free of it for a while. i cant lock my door because my parents will wonder whats going on, and ill have to make up a reason. i cant go anywhere without telling them how or where. i have to live in a house with their rules, of how ill eat and how much noise ill make and when ill clean. i am a person! i want to do my own things! what if i actually like parties and ive just never tried them? i want to get drunk! i want to live in my own time! i want to listen to music at 3am and i want to schedule my own fucking doctors appointments and i want to have my own money and i want to be able to masturbate without being scared someones gonna know! i want to wear clothes without being scared of them thinking its slutty! i want to eat fast food without a lecture! i want to be responsible for taking my own medicine! i want to fuck up and have to fix it myself! i want to never fucking smell coffee again, because i hate the smell. i want to learn how to clean a fucking bathroom! i want to be able to cry, LOUD, and scream when im angry!! i feel like im trapped in a box and ill never be able to grow while im here!!!

but im so used to the status quo and that would need just, so much change. and also money. first thing i would need if i want to move out is fucking money and like, im still so scared of getting a job. and they cant help much rn. so im stuck in the box and slowly feeling like im going insane. im incredibly thankful for that trip and how it allowed me to change but also i kind of wish it had happened when i could actually afford to move out. oh well.

[imperpetuallylost]

happy birthday, i’m sorry your day wasn’t the best! if you wanna talk about it, i’m always here for you! and if you’d prefer not to, here’s some love <3333

i think my form of talking abt it will just be complaining so heres a list of shit that happened today <3 thank you ily

my car wouldnt start

jumped it and eventually it started

we hadnt really shoveled enough so i couldnt get out of the driveway

i ended up having to get a ride to school and barely made it on time

like half my friends forgot it was my bday until reminded by someone else (i mean thats kinda whatever)

my laptop broke (ended up getting fixed by it but still a pain)

someone threw up in my chem class

also i broke a test tube in chem

somehow like half my class had lost their sense of smell and never got it back after having covid so i was like the only one that sat there the whole class nauseous from having to smell it even after they cleaned it up

were all gonna die if theres a gas leak bc no one will notice bc no one can smell shit

multiple classes sang at me bc yk ur friends always tell everyone but its always kinda miserable

my mom like filled my brothers car w balloons and wrote all over it for his 18th bday and did like nothing for me

to be fair i didnt have my car at school today but still she wasnt going to

also to be fair its bc my brother told her not to bc he hated it and i kinda wouldve hated it too but i also hated feeling like he got that and no one cared enough to do smthn for me

bought my first scratch ticket and didnt become a millionaire

won zero dollars

that one's not shocking at all

had to recompose myself after crying abt being a horrible ungrateful person bc i forgot to feed my dog so then i had to go downstairs and see my parents again when i had just been crying

one of like my two best friends has not wished me a happy birthday she has 24 more minutes and yes i am actively crying about that

she sucks at staying in touch sometimes even tho we still go to school together so im really worried abt staying in touvh w her next year :(

thats it ig like idk like no individual thing was that bad but today just felt like an onslaught

so far being an adult is like 2/10 would not recommend

[geneticcatalyst]

get 2 know me meme

tagged by @cryptidafter <3

Do you make your bed?

not really, i just pull the blankets up to the pillows if i want it to look a little neater

What’s your favorite number?

9

What is your job?

oh this is a hard one because i both Love to talk about what i do and also live in fear of doxxing myself due to the sort of unique nature of it. i work in a lab that does agricultural genotyping and my role is maintenance/engineering/general problem solving for the automation we use.

If you could go back to school, would you?

oof. when i finished undergrad, further education was Not An Option for me for multiple reasons and i took that kind of hard. i've gone back and forth a lot because i know wanting higher degrees is mainly just for my ego, and i am already doing what i want career wise. i would love to study and do research projects on specific stuff, but at the same time undergrad really broke me and if it ended up anything like that it would be bad.

Can you parallel park?

yeah i'm competent at it

A job you had that would surprise people?

the only stuff i've done that wasn't labwork was a summer i spent interning at a botanical garden when i was debating switching to a horticulture degree. i got to make the little metal signs to label plants with. it's where i learned to id a lot of ornamental plants on sight.

Do you think aliens are real?

sure, why not, but to me it's kind of a 'wouldnt even notice with the shit i've got going on' thing lol

Can you drive a manual car?

never drove stick but i can ride a motorcycle, which is a manual transmission but the controls are in different places

What’s your guilty pleasure?

ah i don't think pleasures should be guilty, life is hard enough as it is. obv if you read my blog you know i love bl/danmei? fandom wise i guess i am a slut for h/c things

Tattoos?

i have 4 and an appointment in may to work on upper sleeve :)

Favorite color?

fuschia! and dark reds, with teal close behind

Favorite type of music?

ugh i freely admit to enjoying trash, mostly what i play in the car is country and rap, but if you cut me open and/or fanmixed me it would be mostly alternative/rock in my deepest heart

Do you like puzzles?

umm kind of? i like to solve problems sometimes? i'm not really like. a gamer though

Any phobias?

i guess so, the randomest one is probably fear of like big spaces/machinery with water? it's not fear of water per se, i can swim, but things like big drain culverts that you could like walk into, or big water treatment holding ponds, or the inner workings of dams. the tokyo storm drain system is beautiful but viscerally terrifying to me. i think it's just about big spaces that could suddenly be filled with big volumes of water

Favorite childhood sport?

i wasn't coordinated enough for anything but running and somehow tennis? i liked both tho

Do you talk to yourself?

no i come on tumblr to do that

/jk yes of course when i'm not talking to myself on here i am talking to myself in the real world.

What movies do you adore?

i don't really watch a lot of movies :/ my attention span is bad :/

Coffee or tea?

yes please i like both (also team matcha i am a matcha fiend)

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

a horse trainer i think lol i was a horse girl. baby's first special interest <3

[desert-horned-lizard]

so get this. its my day off. im just sitting in my house and for some reason i get the urge to look at my ducks. and as im looking something's really nagging at me. i suddenly realize they're not in a row. i dont know if they were always like that or if something knocked them out of the way or something. it doesnt matter. so im just sitting there like "shit, people are always saying its good to get those in a row." its my day off so of course i dont want to do it. i try to sit down and watch some movies but i cant stop thinking about. its pissing me off so bad i can barely concentrate. so i get up from the sofa and i start putting my ducks in a row. shit takes me hours. you wouldnt believe how how many ducks there were. do you have any idea how hard it is to get a single duck in row? let alone a fuckin flock of them? after a few hours my fuckin muscles are feeling weak, my bones are sore. im dreaming about a nice chicken dinner when im done with all this shit. thats how tired fucking tired i was. so fuckin beat i was dreaming about a chicken dinner. jesus christ. so i pick up the last duck, sighing with relief, and im about to put it in the row, when out of the corner of my eye i notice something on the bottom of the duck. im like what the fuckin shit is that. so i turn the duck over and there's a tiny little sticker. smallest shit you ever seen in your life. i get out my magnifying glass and start reading the fucker. right there, on the ass end of the duck, in print so fine a particularly quick amoeba could cross its width in a millisecond, written in an offensively inscrutable font, are the words "WARNING: WARRANTY VOID IF ALL DUCKS ARE PUT IN A ROW"

yeah.

......... you might think i would be angry, but honestly i mostly just felt defeated. for a minute it seemed like all the air got sucked out of the room. all that work. for jack shit. i tried to bargain with myself that the maybe warranty wasn't actually that important but it was no use. i just couldn't help but think about my sister. she had all her little ducks in a row, and everything was dandy, at least for for a while. then one day - it was on new year's eve 1997 - a drunk driver coming home from a party struck a patch of ice. the driver swerved off an embankment, sending the car crashing through my sister's living room wall. one of her ducks was found crushed under the front left wheel. the duck was rushed to the hospital, but it was critically injured and never recovered. the duck spent 4 years in a vegetative stage, racking up millions of dollars in medical bills before finally succumbing to an infection caused by an improperly cleaned feeding tube. all the trauma and the debt and shit really ate away at her. she was down a duck too, and even if she wanted a new one she couldn't afford it what with all the debt. and when she called up the duck people about her duck insurance the first thing they asked was did she put them in a row. the fuckers. i think maybe that made her feel like she was responsible for their death because she was the one who put them where she did, which also meant she felt she was responsible for every terrible thing that had suddenly befallen their little family. i tried to get her to see a psych or something but she just wouldnt go no matter how much i begged. then last october she just disappeared one day out of nowhere. when the police searched her house it was nearly empty. turns out she had sold most of her possessions in the preceding weeks. the only things she seems to have taken with her were her clothes and some toiletries. they found her driver's license completely melted in the firepit outback. practically the only significant thing that she left behind were her ducks. they were still arranged in same row that they had been in since before the accident. i wish i could have taken them in, but its impossible for someone to take another person's ducks. sure sometimes you can borrow them, if you've got permission that is. but taking them into your own home? it cant be done. it's been more than a year now since she left and we still haven't heard a peep from her. i just hope she decides to come back while ma and pa still have some time left. you can imagine how they took it.

anyway, to get back to what i was saying earlier, what could i do? i wasn't about to violate the warranty. i knew what might happen. maybe i coulda just left the last duck out of the row but that somehow seemed in violation of the spirit of the thing to me, and let me tell ya, you do not want to fuck with the spirt of the thing. so, i did not only what i had to do, but i also what felt right to me. that's the only way to really keep your hands clean. i took my ducks out of a row. by the end of it i damn near passed out on the floor. the ducks weren't too happy about being moved around so much, but hey, i wasnt too happy about it neither. i was too tired to feel empathy anyway. so afterwards i lay down in bed and im abou to fall asle- oh hey look, here comes the waiter. do you know what you're gonna order? oh yeah? that sounds real tasty, bud. huh? me? well i think i could go for a chicken dinner myself, ive been working up a pretty big appetite. by the way, did you see the tonights special? have a look at the sign! its duck a l'orange! you think they put em' in a row back there?!?!? HAAAAAAAAAAhaaaaaahaaaahahahaaaaaa

[ohklah0ma]

I just noticed the text on you ask box button so: tell me about your ocs. all of them, your favorite, I do not care. I wish to hear all you have to say (also I really like your new blog theme, it's very calming and quiet on my eyes)

THANK U i love dark colors bc im very light sensitive so thats a big thi nf i was going for w my new theme<33

ok oc time!!!!!!!!uh uh i dont really know where or who to start with so ill prolly just go w quickly rambling about my ocs from tbe casino gang!!!!! this story is mostly in collaboration w my sibling kay and they have about half of the characters here but im mostly gonna focus on mine for times sake because theres. like 10 in total which would take a long time bc you know i wont shut up about anything

i have a bunch of ocs who all work at this casino somewhere between multiverses that we still dont have a name for but its ok. lots of people from all sorts of different worlds show up there but its usually dimensional travelers or backrooms wanderers or random characters who have been magically brought there just for funsies :-)

first we have avery!!!!my partial sona whos also their own character its weird avery created the casino sometime after they died and became a god, its one of the things theyre most proud of and they wouldnt work anywhere else for the world. except sometimes they would because their employees are little shits sometimes (which is kind of what you’d expect from half your workforce being either undead immortal children or raging alcoholics (abel.)) theyre basically a wine mom friend tbh but the kind of wine mom who would absolutely tear you apart with an axe if you did sometjing to their kids. theyre very protective of their employees and their sibling/co-owner abel (kay’s oc) <3 but they arent afraid to be a little strict with them

indigo is averys best friend and technically head of security even though they dont even work there! theyve just been given full authority over the security staff because theyre slay like that. one of my fruitiest ocs ever i swear indigo died very soon after avery did! they were friends before they died as well but avery has no idea and indigo would like to keep it that way. they wear a mask concealing the right side of their face and they loooove to scare people with whats behind it. they met avery and helped them get back onto their feet after they died <3 even though they have full security clearance theyre literally just a regular visitor at the casino and nobody really knows Why theyre best friends but its fine. theyre also very protective of avery and abel and of course their friend ephetatis (kay’s oc) and their little sister ruby!

ruby is a little shit. im just gonna say that now i adore her so much but shes the definition of a chaotic neutral mean lesbian sje would tell you to kys unapologetically if she thought it was funny (but she would apologize if it made someone sad) she and indigo are both. weird vampire demon creature dudes. she was assigned to be indigos younger sister by higher-up gods and she was a bit hesitant to trust them at first but indigo is very responsible and the two got along very quickly! they have a really interesting dynamic because ruby lived during a much more modern time period than indigo so she learned about. internet things and stuff like that more easily which makes for some really funny scenarios. ruby will occasionally get dragged to the casino when she cant be trusted to be home alone but now she has to help out there a bunch because she and her best friend kris (kay’s oc) broke a $27,000 chandelier (kris did it on purpose. bitch) and now they have to work off this ridiculous amount of debt. however they do get free snacks so thats cool i guess

parsley and sofi are two little guys who probably live in the walls i have no idea what or who they are but they annoy abel and help avery and cause chaos. they are never not together so its impossible to not draw or write about them together. avery kind of just took them in and now they help ephetatis at the bar (they handle the non-alcoholic drinks and clean things) and sometimes sofi sneaks salt into abels wine because it think its really funny

and those r all the main important characters!!!!the ones i own anyway!!!!!! theyre so silly and i love the whole casino gang to death and i worked on thisfor like 45 minutes so i hope you enjoy this massive infodump thank you for reading

[i-like-gay-books]

long post so i GUESS i’ll put it under the cut

so i’ve been really reflecting lately on my self diagnosis of autism, especially since i’ve been really coming into myself and managing my anxiety better than ever before, and ive been wondering whether it might be that the symptoms i thought were attached to being autistic are just how anxiety manifests in me and the things about myself that i thought proved that i dont have adhd in any way may also just be how anxiety manifests in me. because also even though ive really related with autism and the social symptoms, i’ve never really been sure i have sensory processing issues, at least not to the extent that the dsm specifies in order to be autistic. and what i really HAVE related to is the inability to just sit down and get shit done. so i took another self assessment with this clearer knowledge i have of myself and how i really function as a human being when im on my own and living as an adult and

the only ones that arent high levels are literally the ones that i can directly pinpoint as one of my biggest concerns with my anxiety. impulsivity is the one that makes adhders more likely to butt into conversations or keep going on for a long time or make decisions and later regret them. as you may have noticed i am particularly long winded when im typing, but is that true of me in real life? like at all? not really. i struggle to get two words out sometimes. i was selectively mute in my childhood. i can say for a fact that the reason for this in my hyper-awareness of the potential of making a faux pas or embarrassing myself in social situations. and i have decision paralysis due to the same phenomenon. im very aware of the potential of disappointing other people if i make a bad decision. im not sure if impulsivity would manifest itself in the “typical” adhd way if my anxiety wasn’t there, but i have no way of ever knowing that because it is.

and forgetfulness. i beat that shit out of myself when i was younger. i can clearly remember a time in elementary school, then in middle school, then in high school (before i started writing sticky notes for myself) when i would get myself in trouble just simply because of forgetting about assignments. my family is very academically oriented. my parents wouldnt be SUPER mad at me if i was trying my best and didnt get good grades, but i knew they would be disappointed if i didnt try my best. i have so many systems in place so as to never ever forget about schoolwork any more. you have no clue how revolutionary it is for me that college professors actually put all of the assignments for the semester of the syllabus. one of my biggest gripes about high school was that the teachers would just assign homework seemingly at random? it was easy to forget if you werent writing it all down, ok? and for appointments? same deal. my parents kind of took care of the remembering appointments part before i got older and by now i do have these systems in place for myself. i do often forget to make calls, mostly because i dont make a point of writing it down as a task for myself because making calls gives me anxiety. yeah.

also i sat here and took this assessment and wrote all of this instead of working on my 2000 word midterm paper due next tuesday for which i have exactly one sentence written. listen, procrastination is a universal trait, but i just felt like it was relevant.

[damistrolls]

2, 31, 33, 34 for Lyydia <333 and possum

Lyydia

2. Can your oc play any instruments? Have they ever wanted to learn how to play any? Why?

i've always imagined her being able to fiddle tbh, so lets say she can play violin :]

17. How well can your oc keep secrets? Is there a difference between how they handle their own vs someone else’s? To what lengths would they go to keep something hidden?

oh she can keep secrets really well, both hers and other people's. she loves gossip, but if she was asked not to tell anyone about something, she really will keep it to herself. she WILL lie for u too, shes ride or die

31. What is your oc’s sense of humour like? What do they find funny? Do they try to be funny? Are they actually?

i dont know what her sense of humor is like, but it's pretty easy to make her laugh. i think clever humor probably gets her the most though, like the jokes u have to think about for a couple seconds before u get it. i think she does try and be funny sometimes, and id say her jokes usually go over pretty well, but shes no class clown or anything

33. How does your oc’s own perception of themselves compare to how other people see them? Is your oc aware that other people see them differently (if it’s different)?

i think that despite knowing how capable she is, she tends to look down on herself quite a bit. she feigns confidence really well, but she genuinely worries about how people see her and what they think. meanwhile, i dont think theres a single person out there who's met her and dislikes her

34. How easily does your oc throw something away? As soon as something is through with its usefulness, or are they more like a hoarder? Is there a reason?

its a little hard for her to throw things out. i wouldnt say she's a hoarder, but she does like keeping things, even when they're no longer useful, especially if theyve got some sentimental value to them. still, she won't hold onto EVERYTHING, and throws shit out if necessary

Possum

2. Can your oc play any instruments? Have they ever wanted to learn how to play any? Why?

yeah! possum can play the guitar. he stole one off of someone and taught himself how to play. its a good way to pass the time. he doesnt sing along when he plays if other people are around though

31. What is your oc’s sense of humour like? What do they find funny? Do they try to be funny? Are they actually?

ehh, he doesnt really crack jokes, and jokes typically have no effect on him. he doesnt have much of a sense of humor at all, though he'll sometimes let out an amused snort if he sees something bad happen to someone. schadenfreude might be the only way to get him to laugh tbh

33. How does your oc’s own perception of themselves compare to how other people see them? Is your oc aware that other people see them differently (if it’s different)?

possum sees himself as being extremely smart and capable, while most others tend to underestimate him. prior to coming to the ranch, he honestly counted on people underestimating him, but now, he's a little frustrated by it (not that he'd really say anything about it)

34.How easily does your oc throw something away? As soon as something is through with its usefulness, or are they more like a hoarder? Is there a reason?

possum almost never keeps anything superfluous. he doesnt like the idea of having a bunch of useless items laying around. despite having been safe at the ranch for a long time now, he refuses to fully put down roots, and would be ready to leave at a moment's notice