#sometimes i go i wouldnt even notice with the shit i got going on. but i am grrr

[carmenpeach]

this is for the carmen lore lovers okay i always think "i should complain less both irl and online since its probably not good to be so negative all the time" but anger really does keep me alive etc but good god this mold shit is driving me insane like thank god i live with all my irl friends cause no way in hell would i invite someone over like "yeah ignore the mildew smell and dont look too closely at anything and dont touch the walls theyre permawet" its humiliating and it's so shameful just having to exist here and who knows where im gonna be living in a month im soooooo sick of this bouncing around where i live the last so many years -_-

like i havent really had a proper home it feels since 2018 like it's just "this is where im gonna be for maybe a year and its just where i keep some of my stuff and sleep at" like cant even put posters up cause theyll die. i have one big painting i made in our room to add some color but we gotta clean off the mold every so often but its abstract so at least it's hard to see and i really dont care about it enough if the paint gets worn away.

still waiting on the landlord to finally get back to us considering the repair guy (who she lives with but idk if theyre a couple but thats not my business im just a nosey nancy) and he was like shocked and mortified at the mold (he used to live here and hadnt seen mold this way) and okay it's a concrete house with stucco exterior but the fact that the middle most wall is wet he said something like uh thats kind of impossible to dry. any professional/ legal ppl weve talked to have said this is basically hazardous living and unsuitable conditions (even with the semi illegal mold agreement we were forced to sign that was snuck small into the lease, if anything its incriminating) and like now what? will we get relocated since this is house needs to get torn down (it has 85% humidify with is like 10% over legal livable limit) but if not then how long do we have to move? if its condemned then what man. we have a backup plan but it's a long as hell drive and far from everything so at least we dont gotta worry about nowhere to live so im trying to not stress too hard and just let da wind take me where it goes. so maybe we will soon live in a real house thats dry and i really cant beleive im back to where i was like 6 years ago of "i just need a bed to sleep in" i want to live a normal life where our cutting boards dont get moldy.

fuck all life.

[artslovergirl]

Stanford!art as a secret admirer pleaaaaase

hiii! sorry this took me literally a month to finish i am still not very good at keeping a drabble a drabble and this one really got away from me but i promise in the future that hopefully wont be the case....anywhoo! enjoy! (ty for being my first request ever!) also shoutout to diya for helping me a bit with characterizing art having a crush on someone! mwah!

admittedly, art felt like a creep. not enough to stop sneaking glances at you across the lecture hall but definitely enough to feel hot shame crawl up his neck whenever you would accidentally meet his eye contact.

he quickly glanced away and stared back at the blackboard, trying to pretend that's what he had been looking at all along.

he began fiddling with his pen, pushing the plastic end of it nervously against his lips. he could feel your eyes on him for a few moments longer before turning back around to face the professor.

great. now you probably actually thought he was a creep. which is not exactly how he planned your first form of contact to go.

...alright, to be fair, he never had an exact plan in the first place? but "make awkward eye contact" wouldn't have been a part of it. that's for sure.

he was a little out of his element here. stanford was a hell of a lot bigger than mark rebellato was.

back there, most of the girls knew him, sometimes even liked him already or he had patrick as his wingman. (or when it came to tashi, competition.) but here? he felt so unsure all of a sudden. it felt like all of the experience he had with dating seemed completely useless.

when he first saw you, he was still pretty infatuated with tashi. but that doesnt mean he didnt notice how hot you were. as more time passed the more he realized that tashi and patrick were apprently locked in (go figure the dude finally learns commitment just in time. read bitterness.) and the more he saw you, the more he heard you talk in class, the more he saw you laugh with your friends, the more you wouldnt leave his mind. not to mention how fucking smart you were. well, are.

the lecture ended and as always you were one of the first people out the door. you were always in a rush. or maybe you just had another class all the way on the other side of campus?

he wondered what your major was. he wondered if you knew he played tennis. he wondered if it would even impress you if you found out. he hoped it would.

---

art was sitting in the cafeteria stabbing his fork into his salad that consisted of like 70% veggies and 30% eggs.

he had to say, he was definitely getting sick of eggs at this point. he took a small sip of his gatorade.

usually, he drank blue, but he decided to try red today. maybe because it was patrick's favorite flavor or maybe because he needed at least a little change in routine.

unfortunately, as he went to place the bottle back down on the table, he almost knocked it over as soon as he suddenly noticed you standing by the vending machine. and then turning around. and.. walking towards him? holy shit.

at first, he thought you would just walk past him, but you stopped at his table. he didn't know if he believed in god, but at that moment, he certainly felt like a favorite.

"hey," you smiled politely, "sorry to bother you, but do you happen to have a quarter? that thing doesn't seem to take nickles." you nodded your head towards the vending machine at the entrance of the cafeteria.

"uh." his brain tried to play catch up. "um, yeah, let me check." he let out a small chuckle so he wouldn't sound so nervous, but it sounded more like he was wheezing. he pulled out his wallet, ripped apart the velcro, and checked. he silently celebrated when he noticed he did, in fact, have a few quarters. "yeah, how many do you need?" he looked up at you. his cheeks felt hot.

"oh, just one is fine." he nods, and suddenly, in front of your presence, it seems a lot harder to properly grab the quarter from his wallet. he does manage, though, and as he hands it to you, he feels your fingers brush against his palm.

as if transferred from your fingertips to his palm it felt like a surge went through his body, traveling through his arteries and sparking at the tips of his fingers and toes. you hand him your nickels in exchange. before you could turn to leave, he quickly interjected, "we're in the same class, right? english literature?"

he didnt know where he was going with this, he just wanted to keep talking to you.

your eyes flashed with recognition.

"oh, yeah! art, right? you sit behind me?" you knew his name. "yeah, yeah, that's right." he nodded, his fingers drummed against the table. there was a short lull in the conversation as he desperately tried to grasp for anything to talk about that wouldn't seem like he was hitting on you (even though he kind of was.)

"so, uh, this is actually good timing because i've been sorta meaning to talk to you anyway?" his lips pulled into a familiar charming lopsided smile.

"oh, really?" you tilted your head. "yeah." he nodded, his hand going to fidget with curls on the back of his neck that stuck out of his backwards cap.

"i, uh, need some help with some of the material, and, you know, you're so good-"

"oh, i'm not that-"

"nah, c'mon no need to be modest," there's that grin again, "i don't think i've ever seen you get a question wrong."

you huff, feeling embarrassed at the unexpected praise, "well, it's literature, so it's all interpretation, it's hard to be outright wrong."

"see, that answer just confirms it." he says.

you chuckle, finally giving in and accepting the compliment. "so..you want my help then?" he nods. he really prayed you would say yes because this was really his only plan on how to get to know you.

you mulled over it for a few seconds. then you nodded. "yeah, okay, let me give you my number and we can figure out the details later. i got another class in like-" you glanced back at the clock, "shit, 3 minutes."

you hastily ripped a piece of paper out of your notebook scribbled a number on it and left it on the table. "oh, and thanks for the quarter!" you yelled back (even though you didn't even get to use it) before booking it out of the cafeteria. guess he was right about you always being in a rush.

---

4:58 pm. 2 more minutes till you'd knock at his door. art did another once over of his room. now he wasn't exactly a messy guy but he had to admit his dorm had never been this clean before. actually maybe it was too clean...would you think that was weird? like would you think he was a neatfreak? girls probably weren't into that.

he began messing up his bedsheets just a little so it wouldnt look like he had just spent the past three hours obsessively cleaning every inch of his dorm. even though thats exactly what he did.

it was a pretty small room but you'd be surprised how long it can take to clean if you're doing a real deep clean. not to mention the pain in the ass that doing laundry in college was.

he did all of this because, keeping true to your word, you did make plans with him to help him out with some of the reading.

you : does 5pm on saturday work 4 u?? :-)

art : Yeah, I'm totally free!!

(in hindsight the two exclamation points were probably a bit much.)

just as he was about to check out his hair for the 5th time today, there was a knock on the door. he glanced at the little digital watch on his wrist. 5pm sharp. wow, you were punctual. was it weird that he found that hot?

art quickly brushes a few unruly curls that were sticking out of his backwards cap away with his fingers before moving to open the door.

---

"so, what's the exact stuff you're having trouble with?" you peered at him from his bed, which you were sitting on, which he was being very cool about.

you had asked him if it was okay to sit there after you had exchanged a few pleasantries and then chatted for about 10 minutes.

it was mostly about class at first, then turned into more personal topics. you asked him if he was on the tennis team, because of all the..well..tennis gear in his room.

he nodded and told you about his tennis scholarship. you chuckled and said you had never really watched any matches at stanford so far, but you'd like to see him play.

he really tried to not seem overly enthusiastic about that but he did tell you the exact time and date of his next match.

apparently, you thought the sport seemed "really impressive". ( i.e. you were impressed. i.e. you were impressed by him playing tennis. or that's at least how he heard it.)

then, after he found out you were an english major, which wasn't a surprise, you finally brought up the topic of studying.

he spun in his desk chair, to face you.

"just some of this..interpretive stuff...i feel like i never know what the professor wants to hear from me." he tapped the end of his pen against the book he was holding. "well.." you shifted into a cross-legged postion, you were wearing shorts and he was trying really hard not to stare at your legs.

"you probably shouldnt be thinking about that in the first place, you know, what the professor wants to hear? you should think about what you actually got from the book." he knew this was pretty standard advice but when you said it, it sounded like the most intelligent, world-changing thing he'd ever heard.

"riiight...what if i didnt get anything from it?" he smiled sheepishly, leaning his head on his hand. you scrunched up your nose and playfully rolled your eyes, "oh, come on, how can you read classic literature and not get anything from it? i don't believe that."

you scooted forward a little. a little closer to him. a nervous chuckle left his lips, his gaze swept back and forth between you and the book before settling on you.

truth be told, he was doing fine, at least grade-wise, and even if he wasn't, it wasn't like he was striving to become an english professor, he mostly decided to take this class on a whim. but the part about struggling with interpretations was true, it just maybe wasn't necessarily a dire enough situation to require your help...

"well, maybe youre not asking yourself the right questions before you read." you hummed, gently tapping your finger against your leg. "can i see your notes?"

art panicked a bit at that. he wasn't sure why, but suddenly someone looking at his notes felt oddly intimate. you would be able to read the bits and parts of the book he regarded as important enough to jot down. what he liked. what he didn't like. perhaps it was a little intimate.

he tried to play it casual, though, and nodded as he handed you his english lit folder. his nerves only got worse the longer you took to read through them.

then suddenly, you smiled and nodded a little bit before looking up at him again. he prayed that you couldn't see the way his heart was trying to escape his ribcage right now.

"you know, you couldve just asked me out."

before his brain could even process that sentence, his mouth seemed to go into immediate action to splutter out some kind of denial in order to salvage this, "what? i- no, no, that's not- i mean, seriously why would-"

"i mean, i wouldn't have said no. like you didn't have to pretend to need my help. you clearly don't need it-" you gently tossed his folder back onto the desk. "-plus you're cute."

he didn't move for a good few seconds until he finally caught up to what had just happened.

now, this would've been the moment where he would've liked to be really cool and smooth in his response, but instead what happened was: "um..so then are we..like are you.."

in his defense you kind of caught him off guard. like completely. he had had a plan. how the study sessions would transition into friendship, and then maybe, hopefully at some point would transition into dating. he was a patient guy, really, and you had just skipped like...everything.

"are you free tomorrow?" you asked, as you stood up to grab your bag. wow, you were really taking the wheel at this point. and he discovered that he had shockingly little problem with that.

"uh, yeah, yeah i'm free..like all day." he did have training in the morning but he truly would skip it just this once if it came down to it.

"2pm?"

"sure."

"i'll text you?"

"okay."

"so..it's a date?"

you had stood up from the bed and were suddenly already on your way out. probably because you could tell he needed a minute.

"yeah, a date." he nodded with a (almost lovestruck) smile he hadn't even noticed had snuck its way unto his lips. you reciprocated with an equally excited grin, "cool."

before he knew it, the door had clicked shut, and he was alone again. he felt warm.

"cool."

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

ROSE: When I was really little and had just learned how to write my full name, I noticed my twin brother had really messy handwriting, while mine was, like... as nice as it could be for a little kid. So I wrote my name in his handwriting on a wall and I waited to see who our parents would get mad at. And they blamed him. And that was when my life of crime began.

ROSE: All joking aside, it's really funny that little kids do things like that sometimes. My mother would look at her phone every time she was at a red light, so I got into the habit of saying, "Green," once the light changed so she would know. One day I was like, "I wonder if I say 'green' while it's red if she'll go," and so I did. And she did. And I got yelled at real bad.

ROSE: Though, looking back on it. What the hell was she doing relying on, like, a five year old who was a chronic shoplifter and liar. For that, I'm surprised we didn't get into more accidents.

NEPETA: :33 < my ancestor is deaf so when i was like a sw33p old i plugged all the drains in the bathroom with towels and toilet papurr and turned the bathtub and sink on full blast befur we went out to go shopping cause i knew she wouldnt hear it and i flooded the entire hive fur no reason

ROSE: Ok, that is some nasty shit. I can't even believe the amount of damage that would have done.

NEPETA: :33 < purrson who told their human mother to drive into a red light suddenly has strong opinions on the actions of other children?

ROSE: ...Touché.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

would i be the asshole for contacting my ex to ask them if they could stop talking about me online to a community that knows who i am? (🥐)

tw: kinda emotionally abusive relationship

bg info

me (24f) and my ex (28) were in a three month relationship three years ago following a whole year of friendship. they were my first partner and i came out as a lesbian to everyone during our relationship. when we were together, they were 24 and i was 20. i was very emotionally dependent on them when i was 20 due to mental health issues and so were they which is probably one of the reasons why our relationship was as explosive as it was. i looked up to them, my whole emotional world revolved around them, and our friendship/relationship was the only thing i had in my life at the time. they constantly asked me "hey is it even ethical that im dating you, im 4 years older, you tell me please, oh i feel like such a bad person", yet, they still continued dating me every time they would ask.

our fights were horrible and truly explosive as they broke their stuff in front of me out of anger, threw things at me and insulted me as stupid, amongst many other things. our fights usually ensued because i would ask them for reassurance and they would start panicking and screaming at me to shut up. to be fair, i would cry every time i was asking for reassurance which probably made them feel scared about losing me, so i consider myself 50% at fault for everything that happened in our relationship, i shouldve been able to talk to them in a secure manner that wouldnt trigger their abandonment issues. our fights were quite jarring and made me walk out on them several times out of fear. yet i always came back and apologized and took the whole accountability, even though i dont consider myself the only one at fault. walking out several times during fights was probably one of the worst things i could have done but at the same time i was simply scared. even when i walked out after our last fight, they begged me to come back, which i did, i apologized under tears, and yet, told them that i cant promise them to stay no matter what.. and left.

we met through tumblr and were in a medium distance relationship. after our relationship, i went to a clinic and had to learn a lot about myself, what i experienced and what i want from life. im in a very happy and healthy place now and since the end of 2021 im with my current partner whom i want to be the love of my life and whom ive started to build a life with.

context

i have my ex blocked on all social media because they used to do hour long deep dives into my blog, even as of recently (i have statcounter installed for my safety bc im paranoid about them sending me anonymous asks). at first i also used to visit their blog after our break up but stopped doing so after moving on with my life. one year after breaking up i temporarily unblocked them and explicitly asked them not to look at my social media (or at least to do it in a way in which i dont notice aka asked them not to watch my instagram stories).

while i dont visit their blog/social media because i dont want to know whats going on in their life, tumblr mutuals frequently dm me stuff like "hey i think you should know that your ex posted about you/shit talks about something that you posted". i havent asked my mutuals to tell me whenever this happens but i imagine they do so because within the tumblr space we exist, everyone kind of knows everyone (so my ex doesnt have to mention my name for people to know who theyre talking about). sometimes mutuals send screenshots of the posts so that i dont have to visit my ex's blog. last ive heard my ex joked about throwing jewelry at me and posted extensively about a tattoo that i got. my ex's behavior makes me uncomfortable and feel just as helpless as i did back then.

why i might be the asshole

im scared that they might be venting because i was more at fault in the relationship than them and that i am unconsciously deflecting. however, i talked about every detail of the relationship and this fear extensively with my therapist, friends, and partner who are of the opinion that i was young, scared, and intertwined in a relationship that was incredibly toxic. im still unsure though because my emotions frequently triggered theirs.

why they might be the asshole

i asked them once to stop visiting my social media and i feel like venting about our relationship that broke off 3 years ago to a tumblr community of friends and acquaintances is kind of unfair. however, i might be the asshole and they might just need the space for venting. i could just ignore the vents and let them heal in their own way from what ensued.

WIBTA if i confronted them again and told them that i want them to stop talking about me online? or would i be a party pooper because every person needs a space for venting?

What are these acronyms?

[dullgecko]

I hc that Riz basically treats Baron as a pet while they're in his briefcase. He has to "feed" him twice a day, once before leaving school and once before his "bedtime" (he usually just throws food scraps, wet dog food, or just random trash int his briefcase to feed them). He sees toys and buys them specifically for Baron. If Baron ever escapes he just walks the block a couple times until they tire themselves out.

The other Bad Kids dont notice until one sleepover Riz forgets to feed him before sleeping and they crawl out to watch them all sleep. Adaine wakes up and then immediately wakes everyone else up by screaming. They ask Riz why and he just says he couldn't figure out how to get rid of them.

After the whole 'you tried to murder all my friends and also possessed some of them' debacle he does try to find a way to get rid of Baron for good. His first step was getting Kristen to help him talk to Cassandra and figure out what the fuck is going on but the goddex is also super confused, but tries to get Barron to chill out a bit.

They can't get rid of him, but they come to a decent understanding. Barons not going anywhere (until Riz fixes what created him in the first place and GOOD LUCK he's not unpacking that can of worms until highschool is over probably he's got other shit to worry about).

He wouldnt be activly mean about Baron being in his suitcase, leftovers if he thinks Baron would like it but dogfood and trash is going a bit far (and definitly makes things worse, as do all terrible coping mechanisms when you're dealing with a literal manifiestation of your psyche). If he sees something he thinks Baron would think is interesting while out and about, he'll get it and he usually gets a couple weeks of peace without seeing them afterwards.

He doesnt even need feeding really, Baron technically doesnt NEED to eat he just needs to be acknowledged and if Riz forgets to say goodnight a couple of days in a row THEN he does the whole sleep-paralasis demon thing (*Baron staring unblinking 10cm from Riz's face waiting for him to notice he's there even though he's asleep* you did not sae goodneight Riz Gukgak~ It is okae, i shall say it instead but do not forgaet again.).

Baron is the manifestation of something repressed that Riz wants to ignore, but ignoring it makes it worse (and ignoring it a lot gets you locked in a metaphorical/literal haunted house where everything is trying to kill you oof). Sometimes you have to acknowledge those feelings and thats OKAY even if you dont have the time or energy to work through them right now.

[cassedyevihtt]

Solitaire and Radiosilence

I have been listening to these audio books again. About how these characters pour their hearts out online. And how people go through trying times but have friends thats there for them.

Examples of this is Tori she suffers alot alone and has to be there for charlie "i am the one thats suppost to be there when these things happen"

She cant bear the thought of someone being concerned and caring for her. But at the end of the day she feels safe with a person and lets him in. This is extraordinary.

Another thing that are common in fiction in general is that these emotional issues get to a high point where shit has got to go down. Like there starts a fire at Tori's school that makes her properly freak out and thats how she and people around her find out abt exactly how depressed she's been feeling.

Or when Tori sees micheal lose that scating competition. And he rages.

That sort of thing never happens in real life. Most of us suffer in silence. And it never gets this high point. It might gradually go over or it stays for a loooong time.

And if it does get a high point, people are never there to see it. Not the people you care abt most anyway.

Cuz u shield the people u care abt. U dont want them to go around concerned.

I freak out over things. It can get hard for me to stand or breathe sometimes and i can get a bit manic. This is all in my head. I can get easily overwhelmed bc i naturally think alot. And notice alot of things. Especially when doing something new. And not fun. Like work. This is just a basic truth for me. Something i need to live with and be patient with.

And when i get like that, sometimes I just want a hug. And other times i want people to fuck off and I just need a break and a snack. And some sleep. And to make a list.

How nice would it be for someone to know and understand that? I dont want people to be like "oh no will she be alr doing these big things she wanna do in her life?" I dont want them to make me doupt myself. I want them to stand by, see me suffer and see me pull through anyway. Like the push and pull. Both "u got this come on one more step!!" And "now u just chill, tomorrow u work"

Radiosilence has a sequence where Francis goes and finds his sister, tracks her down, fools aled's toxic af mother and finds his sister. Aled's sister and Francis and Daniel and Rain all drive 6 hours in the middle of a schoolday to find Aled.

And i feel like this also only happens in fiction. People truly caring for one another and seeing when other people are hurting and DOING something abt it. Solitaire had it realistic "i saw it comming and yet I did nothing" both charlie and tori said this to one another.

I wish someone would do that for me if they knew i was not feeling well. And i wish people would do that without it needing to be "i think she might kill herself" it could just be "mate, i think she's having a stressy day, so lets bake something nice for her and do something fun together" I mean, it doesnt have to get so serious before friends just contact each other or appear without warning and just hang out or talk.

I think, the friends that i have now, i probably wouldnt have taken that roadtrip for them in the middle of my schoolday. I'd think for them to sort it out by themself. Now, with Aled, the character's got a houndred hints that he was not okay. But in real life u cant tell. People just go around lying and maybe stop texting if they even did much in the first place.

I knew one friend was hurting herself. So i asked abt it. This was before i grew up. She talked abt it and i said for her to talk to me abt it from that moment onward. I also showed concern for another friend who had 'issues at home' I said for her to meet me after school one day where she could let it all out, and I would listen. So i did.

Another friend had panic attacks and I tried to show that i was there for them aswell. I tried to ask how they were, if they were getting help (which they were)

But then i went through shit. And i didn't feel anyone was there. I later told a friend myself, but before that no one really noticed.

I am pretty sure my main friend group knew shit was bad for me at some point. I said i'd done something stupid and they'd all ask what and i couldnt tell them.

Now later we dont really talk. My friend that had panic attacks isnt on the same wavelength as me anymore. We dont have the same interests and they have this other friend that is better. And i pissed of their little sister.

Its just. I think I chose the wrong friends. Friends who just wants to use me and discard me when i have nothing more for them to use, when i don't want to listen to their sob stories anymore. There is no genuine "how are u though?" Bc they do ask just to be nice but in reality everyone knows that they wouldnt be able to take the answer. They wouldn't want to hear the real answer. They just want to feel guilty. They want reassurance. They dont want to be there.

I am ready to move away from this place. I want fresh air. New friends that will take initiative. That wont just wait for me to make a move. But actually come around to my house and check up on me, not bc i seem sad but bc thats just a nice thing to do.

That they will call me instead of me just calling them. (For example one friend I called alot but he never called first)

And this is not me wanting pity. I dont do pity. What i want is understanding. And to be seen. Like micheal and Tori. For someone to stop and invest in the energy to get to know me, slowly. Quality time. Pick up cues and pieces of who i am. Not just the rough tough exterior i have (which I love) but the person inside too.

Maybe I'd like it to be more than one person so that I dont enter some Co-dependant relationship/friendship again. Still a bit hard to trust myself or anyone else after something like that. It has always been hard for me to trust others though.

In reality the only one that can save u is urself. It would be nice to have team players though. Real and actual team players.

[sirxlla]

Bigger Picture

------------------------------------------------

Warnings: Fluff

Prompt: Reading with Tim on the very little time off he has during his "vacation." (aka Art told him to go home and forced him a few days off.)

Notes: female reader, italics are actions and thoughts.

-With that said it's all under the cut-

You ran you hands through Tim's hair as he laid down on the couch with his head in your lap, your fingers in his hair and nails gentle against his scalp earned a few hums of content from those pretty lips of his. He was reading Harry Potter for the first time, he didn't tell everyone but he was an avid reader. Tim always loved to read to decompress after work, it usually pulled his mind away from whatever bullshit he was dealing with.

You had told him to get audible so he could listen to them and he politely declined, a normal book book let him stay alert to his surroundings whereas an audio book didn't. Just general perks of being with someone that was in the military, they have to have the seat facing the door, they have to know where all exits are, checks the doors like three time before bed amongst other things like the way he made the bed, the way he combed his hair, the way he couldn't sleep past six and the nightmares of his time in Iraq.

"I just can't believe Art sent me home, I mean that girl needs my help." There was something about this case that was driving him up the wall and he couldnt pinpoint it.

"Maybe he thinks its cause youre too close. Maybe getting away will help you get a fuller picture." You offered your advice hoping to help calm the irritation in that Texan accent with more than just your hands.

"I feel like fuckin Blue's Clues putting all this shit together on my own then Art pulls me out and crates me." He huffs, clearly chomping at the bit to try to figure out this piece of the puzzle.

"Hey, Blue is cute, you're sexy...Entirely different." A smile graced your lips as you responded, You had spent a lot of time with him and he had encouraged a sharp tounge and quick wit. It hadnt been perfect but you were getting better at it.

"Blue didnt get punished for doing his job." Again another huff left his throat as you looked down at him.

"Art's not gonna be the only one punishing ya if you dont quit huffing, makes me feel like you dont wanna spend time with me." You stated as this was the only time you two had even remotely gotten to chill together or relax in a while.

"I'm sorry, Honey. I'm just stressed over it." His tone changed a bit.

"I don't mind you talking about the case, Baby. Im sorry, I was being selfish." Your tone changed as well, you didnt want him to feel guilty for doing his job like Winona did to Raylan.

"I just dont know why she wont talk to me, she knows its the only way to get her protection." He's still tryna scramble his brain on why this woman wouldnt talk considering she's got no reason in his mind not to.

"Maybe she wants protection for her and someone else? She got a boyfriend, best friend, mom, dad?" You asked trying to be helpful in any way you could and your outside perspective sometimes gave him that aha moment with something he'd overlooked.

"She doesn't really have anyone else. Her Daddy died when she was a kid, her Momma ran off to shithole Indiana and her boyfriend's in the Lexington jail right now for her ratting him out." He leaned his head back into your lap but that was when he noticed a bit about your belly and boobs, they were slightly larger.

"Are you pregnant?" He asks with a bit of wonder and excitement.

"Yeah, I- I was gonna tell you at dinner tonight." Your tone was nervous, tracing his nose gently knowing your kid will look so similar. He eyes flitted back and forth in realization of you but also the case.

"I think you just helped me figure this out! She's afraid that if she says something she'll go to jail and then she can't be a be a mother within prison walls." He grabs his phone and calls Raylan to update him on whats going on. Tim's brain was always slightly on work but thats just what came with dating someone in a profession as such.

You kissed his neck as he chatted with Raylan, teeth gently nipping at his neck which caused Tim to cut his conversation short.

"I gotta go, Raylan. Keep me in the know." He said before he hung up quickly with a mischevious smile on his face.

"Oh, youre getting it now!" He laughs as he picks you up and carries you back to your bedroom whilst you giggle and squeal as he tickles you.

That night was similiar to others to come, his hands on your belly, he did that every night. He was proud of you for being so strong but also so paitent with him, dating any first responder type wasnt easy and his being so much worse cause he was often being shot at in one of these shithole Kentucky hollers. You were all he could ask for, strong, paitent, kind and goddamn gorgeous.

Masterlist <- -> Tim Masterlist

[superemeralds]

Who is your oldest (like longest had) OC? When did you come up with them, or tell us what the inspiration was!

my oldest oldest OC is Diana, she's a sailor moon self-insert who's the princess of the entire galaxy (as opposed to usagi's pathetic reign over juuust the solar system lmao) and she was sailor star. To be fair thgouh, I did make her before i saw season 5 and that season ruined my entire lore and I kind of dropped sailor moon for a while after that akjfhkajsf but when i was 9 or 10 i started making this sailor moon season 6 comic where my oc was the main character obviously but i was also obsessed w like 5 other certoons and anime so it just all meshed together. also all the other characters wouldnt stop commenting on my character being sooo tomboyish and how she was seen as one of the boys and one conflict was her not wanting to be girly when she transforms... I WONDER WHAT THAT MEANT FOR ME.........🏳️‍⚧️

my oldest OC that i actually have like. well recorded inspo and history of (drew him lots, still use him sometimes) is saph.

he was my sonic self insert at first. in the very beginning he was sonic's long lost sister ♥ back then he used to work for eggman. also i only knew about sonic from sonic x and only the first 2 seasons existed in germany at the time i watched it, so i thought 1) shadow is one of eggmans minions 2) shadow is an ugly jerk and i hated him lol.

(the rest is under cut bc this came out suuuper long)

same story as last oc. at first trying hard to be girly, (also holy shit i found the poerfect img for this)

but that's uncomfortable so i'm making the oc edgy. (notice the "MALE NOSE!!!!") at this point the backstory was that he's a "clone" of sonic shadow and silver.

no wait even better. run around naked like the boy characters.

everyone always confusing the giiirl for a boooy and i genuinely got some hate for my character design bc i shipped him w shadow and wow u cant have a homo OCxCanon ship ewww lmao but oh well.

someone once dared me to do a genderbend and then i just changed the color from white to black and they were angry i didnt do a proper genderbend. while the anti version of the character was a proper girly girl with pink and sparkles and smiles and rainbows and skirts and frilly tops and stupid hairstyle. and ppl complained the anti looked more like a genderbend. (below is the "anti". i can't find the genderbend anymore)

for me it just was my first crack in the egg bc hey. i don't want to be preppy, i want to be emo. but im not allowed bc girls are not meant to be edgy. and im notally not projecting on the boy version of this character more than the girl one. nope.

with every year i reduced the hair pieces at the front lmao but ya after my egg cracked i focused more on making him cool andkeeping him gender neutral. Then i used him to prcess a lot of my ongoing hardships in life. the redesign also being bc of a big shift (well. yeah me transitioning socially lmao)

he's unfortunately associated a lot w that painful time so i don't use him a lot anymore

he came a long way though im proud of him. here's one of the most recent drawings together with his brother (also has lots of lore on how he happened but im not feeling like it rn to go on that tangent)

[pumpkinsy0]

Sad Ponyboy hcs…?

head up king,,,cmon,,,

•IMMM TELLING U GUYS, pony never actually fully grieved his parents, even by the end of the book!!!he wasnt very close to them so he just thought he couldnt rlly mourned them, but its just bc it hasnt fully set in yet, he doesnt completely understand how it would mess up his WHOLE life and hes been dealing w sm his mind is just not focused on that

•as he grows up, he listens to darry and sodas stories they had w them and he trues to imagine himself in their shoes, as a way to feel closer to em, hes more jealous of darry tho bc hes technically the only one whos actually spent alone time w them the most, would nevvveeerrrr tell that to darry however, doesnt wanna make him feel shitty

•part of the reason Y pony defends his name is bc its like one of the only things he got from his parents thats rlly JUST for him

•years later, after that whole fiasco w bob, while yes, majority of ppl were on ponys side, some socs just stood 10 toes down further for “protecting each other” and just get even more classist, they target pony sometimes, but they dont jump him, they know theyd get shit for it

•during the court hearing, they used evidence like johnnys coat bc it still had a lot blood on it, both johnny and bobs and pony was honestly struggling to keep it together bc he truly never noticed it, his mind just chose not to in order to protect himself

•bobs parents wanted johnny to go to jail, but he ofc died, so next thing they went for was pony to b taken away from his home “if our son was taken away, he should b too” typa thing

•cherry wasnt ever rlly gonna talk to pony after this and she knows she might b seen as so stuck up for it, but bobs parents wouldnt even talk to her after the court hearing bc she defended pony, so she didnt wanna see pony at all, pony thinks she kinda hates him a bit for it

•ik theres fics where like, pony keeps bleaching his hair for johnny??? or something like that???but imma b frank, i think he hated being blond!!! he couldnt look at the mirror and see himself for a LONGGGGG time, all he saw was who he was THAT week, he couldnt look in the mirror for quite a while when he got back

•nobody ever rlly talks about how pony in a way lost his dream of going to the country side and living a quiet life!!! while yes, hes still gonna b successful from that long ass menglish paper turned book and his dream wasnt “lost” exactly, maybe just changed, its not rlly gonna b the way he wanted originally and sometimes he just thinks about the “what if i did live that life”, he mourns it a lil in his adulthood but glad for the opportunities hes gotten

•verrryyy rarely pony wonders what it would b like to b an only child born to different parents, nothing against being related to soda and darry, sometimes hes just sick of ppl rlly only knowing about him from other ppl!! he thinks its a lil pathetic that technically most of his life has been built by ppl who hes just associated w and not just what hes done all alone, even w that english paper while it was his escape from that, to a degree he thinks wasnt rlly his story he was telling

[gamblersdoll]

ITS THE MATTER OF IT… chapter 7

today was a .. interesting day.

yuuji, loved Christmas and since it was his first christmas with you, he was super excited. especially since all he had was megumi, kugisaki, todo, his teachers, and you.

when you had woke up, he was in bed already, with what he wanted was to make pancakes, but were crepes instead. it felt weird for anyone to put effort for you, but, it warmed your heart so much. when yuuji was in love, he loved hard as hell. especially since he knew his fate, and maybe yours too.

“i hope you uh.. like crepes? i tried okay!” he exclaimed, looking away in embarrassment and fear.

you only chuckled, taking the crepes and the hot cocoa he made for you.

“i love them, yuuj. thank you.” you had said, planting a smooch on his cheek with your plumpy lips. you felt his face turn hot.

“oh thank god, todo thought youd hate them.” he said, sighing. “speaking of, can we all hang out today? i know its cold and all but i promise to moisturize you before and after we leave!” he promised, he knows how dry your skin gets when its too cold, or too hot. and you had to lather yourself in lotion or soak in the bath with your choice of oil in it.

you had agreed, and fuck was todo huge.

he toward over you, he was like that one overwatch character that yuuji had told you about. but you liked how long todo’s locs were, he prided himself on that.

“its not too cold out, thank fuck.” you said happily, taking a sip of your drink. it always made you all dry and itchy. yuuji, the sweetheart, gave you his jacket, making sure to bring a spare.

“brother, shes tiny!” todo had said, confused. see, you were on the thicker side, which never is a problem for yuuji, nor for yourself. it was just fact. when todo said you were tiny, it meant that you were tiny.. between his and your height and size. what did todo expect though?

“uh.. youre like six foot two and im not.” you deadpanned, almost laughing at his stupidity. it was all in fun though. meanwhile yuuji and todo argued and bickered like “brothers,” you watched yuuji’s pocket. the fuck was he hiding? you never knew with him.

“time to leave.” you had said, noticing whatever crowd was at the stores and the commotion. whenever you said its time to leave, yuuji would sometimes question, todo would always side eye him, and it would end off with a “yes maam,” or a “okay mama!” while he smiled , because you knew he can be a cheeky shit.

todo had bid his farewell, happy holidays and went back to kyoto, and it was just you both.

“so, whatcha hiding?” you had asked, not looking at him and looking at your phone, seeing all of the romantic things going on in the internet.

“why dont you look?” he had said, using his finger to make you look at him, in all seriousness.

he just knew how to make your heartstrings tug, considering the necklace he had given you just now. it was a pretty necklace, not too small nor big, silver, and with a little diamond with it. you felt.. strange. like you had been in this situation before?

“i know how my life will end, y/n. but i want it with a promise, no matter what— even if you are strong, independent, that i will protect you, and make you happy!” he promised, a smile on his face and holding you.

tears welled in your eyes, before quickly turning away and wiping them quickly–

“oh no mama! i didnt mean to make you cry..!” yuuji had said hurriedly, frantic that he had hurt you.

“im not crying! i got an eyelash in my fucking eye!” you said, you wouldnt dare show that he made you cry from how sweet he is, from how much he shows that he cares, how much he cherishes you.

“yeah right.” he chuckled, clicking the necklace around your neck and kissing you deeply. “it looks so pretty on you, mama.” he said, pressing his forehead against yours. “i love you.”

“i love you.”

…

“do you like it, y/n?” sukuna had asked, folding both pairs of his big arms. he suspected you hadnt.

“ i do, thank you, master suku-“

“what have i told you about that? just call me ryomen.” he said, correcting your error.

“thank you, ryo.” ryo, a nickname only you and you alone could call him. you thought you were only in his life because of how well you could fight, cook, and how you can always strategize a plan.

but you back then, were more than that.

“good. its a promise then.” he had said, rolling his eyes away from you and to the outside world. he stood up from you, standing at a cowering nine feet tall height and his big arms still folded.

“what promise?” you had asked, tilting your head at him while trying to have his whole figure in your view.

“none of your business, yet.” he had said lowly… only planning to know when his curse on your body would take its course.

reposts, tags, comments, are deeply appreciated! happy holidays!!

honorable tags: @lisaaannna @coldbreadbouquetworld

[imperpetuallylost]

happy birthday, i’m sorry your day wasn’t the best! if you wanna talk about it, i’m always here for you! and if you’d prefer not to, here’s some love <3333

i think my form of talking abt it will just be complaining so heres a list of shit that happened today <3 thank you ily

my car wouldnt start

jumped it and eventually it started

we hadnt really shoveled enough so i couldnt get out of the driveway

i ended up having to get a ride to school and barely made it on time

like half my friends forgot it was my bday until reminded by someone else (i mean thats kinda whatever)

my laptop broke (ended up getting fixed by it but still a pain)

someone threw up in my chem class

also i broke a test tube in chem

somehow like half my class had lost their sense of smell and never got it back after having covid so i was like the only one that sat there the whole class nauseous from having to smell it even after they cleaned it up

were all gonna die if theres a gas leak bc no one will notice bc no one can smell shit

multiple classes sang at me bc yk ur friends always tell everyone but its always kinda miserable

my mom like filled my brothers car w balloons and wrote all over it for his 18th bday and did like nothing for me

to be fair i didnt have my car at school today but still she wasnt going to

also to be fair its bc my brother told her not to bc he hated it and i kinda wouldve hated it too but i also hated feeling like he got that and no one cared enough to do smthn for me

bought my first scratch ticket and didnt become a millionaire

won zero dollars

that one's not shocking at all

had to recompose myself after crying abt being a horrible ungrateful person bc i forgot to feed my dog so then i had to go downstairs and see my parents again when i had just been crying

one of like my two best friends has not wished me a happy birthday she has 24 more minutes and yes i am actively crying about that

she sucks at staying in touch sometimes even tho we still go to school together so im really worried abt staying in touvh w her next year :(

thats it ig like idk like no individual thing was that bad but today just felt like an onslaught

so far being an adult is like 2/10 would not recommend

[geneticcatalyst]

get 2 know me meme

tagged by @cryptidafter <3

Do you make your bed?

not really, i just pull the blankets up to the pillows if i want it to look a little neater

What’s your favorite number?

9

What is your job?

oh this is a hard one because i both Love to talk about what i do and also live in fear of doxxing myself due to the sort of unique nature of it. i work in a lab that does agricultural genotyping and my role is maintenance/engineering/general problem solving for the automation we use.

If you could go back to school, would you?

oof. when i finished undergrad, further education was Not An Option for me for multiple reasons and i took that kind of hard. i've gone back and forth a lot because i know wanting higher degrees is mainly just for my ego, and i am already doing what i want career wise. i would love to study and do research projects on specific stuff, but at the same time undergrad really broke me and if it ended up anything like that it would be bad.

Can you parallel park?

yeah i'm competent at it

A job you had that would surprise people?

the only stuff i've done that wasn't labwork was a summer i spent interning at a botanical garden when i was debating switching to a horticulture degree. i got to make the little metal signs to label plants with. it's where i learned to id a lot of ornamental plants on sight.

Do you think aliens are real?

sure, why not, but to me it's kind of a 'wouldnt even notice with the shit i've got going on' thing lol

Can you drive a manual car?

never drove stick but i can ride a motorcycle, which is a manual transmission but the controls are in different places

What’s your guilty pleasure?

ah i don't think pleasures should be guilty, life is hard enough as it is. obv if you read my blog you know i love bl/danmei? fandom wise i guess i am a slut for h/c things

Tattoos?

i have 4 and an appointment in may to work on upper sleeve :)

Favorite color?

fuschia! and dark reds, with teal close behind

Favorite type of music?

ugh i freely admit to enjoying trash, mostly what i play in the car is country and rap, but if you cut me open and/or fanmixed me it would be mostly alternative/rock in my deepest heart

Do you like puzzles?

umm kind of? i like to solve problems sometimes? i'm not really like. a gamer though

Any phobias?

i guess so, the randomest one is probably fear of like big spaces/machinery with water? it's not fear of water per se, i can swim, but things like big drain culverts that you could like walk into, or big water treatment holding ponds, or the inner workings of dams. the tokyo storm drain system is beautiful but viscerally terrifying to me. i think it's just about big spaces that could suddenly be filled with big volumes of water

Favorite childhood sport?

i wasn't coordinated enough for anything but running and somehow tennis? i liked both tho

Do you talk to yourself?

no i come on tumblr to do that

/jk yes of course when i'm not talking to myself on here i am talking to myself in the real world.

What movies do you adore?

i don't really watch a lot of movies :/ my attention span is bad :/

Coffee or tea?

yes please i like both (also team matcha i am a matcha fiend)

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

a horse trainer i think lol i was a horse girl. baby's first special interest <3

[ohklah0ma]

I just noticed the text on you ask box button so: tell me about your ocs. all of them, your favorite, I do not care. I wish to hear all you have to say (also I really like your new blog theme, it's very calming and quiet on my eyes)

THANK U i love dark colors bc im very light sensitive so thats a big thi nf i was going for w my new theme<33

ok oc time!!!!!!!!uh uh i dont really know where or who to start with so ill prolly just go w quickly rambling about my ocs from tbe casino gang!!!!! this story is mostly in collaboration w my sibling kay and they have about half of the characters here but im mostly gonna focus on mine for times sake because theres. like 10 in total which would take a long time bc you know i wont shut up about anything

i have a bunch of ocs who all work at this casino somewhere between multiverses that we still dont have a name for but its ok. lots of people from all sorts of different worlds show up there but its usually dimensional travelers or backrooms wanderers or random characters who have been magically brought there just for funsies :-)

first we have avery!!!!my partial sona whos also their own character its weird avery created the casino sometime after they died and became a god, its one of the things theyre most proud of and they wouldnt work anywhere else for the world. except sometimes they would because their employees are little shits sometimes (which is kind of what you’d expect from half your workforce being either undead immortal children or raging alcoholics (abel.)) theyre basically a wine mom friend tbh but the kind of wine mom who would absolutely tear you apart with an axe if you did sometjing to their kids. theyre very protective of their employees and their sibling/co-owner abel (kay’s oc) <3 but they arent afraid to be a little strict with them

indigo is averys best friend and technically head of security even though they dont even work there! theyve just been given full authority over the security staff because theyre slay like that. one of my fruitiest ocs ever i swear indigo died very soon after avery did! they were friends before they died as well but avery has no idea and indigo would like to keep it that way. they wear a mask concealing the right side of their face and they loooove to scare people with whats behind it. they met avery and helped them get back onto their feet after they died <3 even though they have full security clearance theyre literally just a regular visitor at the casino and nobody really knows Why theyre best friends but its fine. theyre also very protective of avery and abel and of course their friend ephetatis (kay’s oc) and their little sister ruby!

ruby is a little shit. im just gonna say that now i adore her so much but shes the definition of a chaotic neutral mean lesbian sje would tell you to kys unapologetically if she thought it was funny (but she would apologize if it made someone sad) she and indigo are both. weird vampire demon creature dudes. she was assigned to be indigos younger sister by higher-up gods and she was a bit hesitant to trust them at first but indigo is very responsible and the two got along very quickly! they have a really interesting dynamic because ruby lived during a much more modern time period than indigo so she learned about. internet things and stuff like that more easily which makes for some really funny scenarios. ruby will occasionally get dragged to the casino when she cant be trusted to be home alone but now she has to help out there a bunch because she and her best friend kris (kay’s oc) broke a $27,000 chandelier (kris did it on purpose. bitch) and now they have to work off this ridiculous amount of debt. however they do get free snacks so thats cool i guess

parsley and sofi are two little guys who probably live in the walls i have no idea what or who they are but they annoy abel and help avery and cause chaos. they are never not together so its impossible to not draw or write about them together. avery kind of just took them in and now they help ephetatis at the bar (they handle the non-alcoholic drinks and clean things) and sometimes sofi sneaks salt into abels wine because it think its really funny

and those r all the main important characters!!!!the ones i own anyway!!!!!! theyre so silly and i love the whole casino gang to death and i worked on thisfor like 45 minutes so i hope you enjoy this massive infodump thank you for reading

[damistrolls]

2, 31, 33, 34 for Lyydia <333 and possum

Lyydia

2. Can your oc play any instruments? Have they ever wanted to learn how to play any? Why?

i've always imagined her being able to fiddle tbh, so lets say she can play violin :]

17. How well can your oc keep secrets? Is there a difference between how they handle their own vs someone else’s? To what lengths would they go to keep something hidden?

oh she can keep secrets really well, both hers and other people's. she loves gossip, but if she was asked not to tell anyone about something, she really will keep it to herself. she WILL lie for u too, shes ride or die

31. What is your oc’s sense of humour like? What do they find funny? Do they try to be funny? Are they actually?

i dont know what her sense of humor is like, but it's pretty easy to make her laugh. i think clever humor probably gets her the most though, like the jokes u have to think about for a couple seconds before u get it. i think she does try and be funny sometimes, and id say her jokes usually go over pretty well, but shes no class clown or anything

33. How does your oc’s own perception of themselves compare to how other people see them? Is your oc aware that other people see them differently (if it’s different)?

i think that despite knowing how capable she is, she tends to look down on herself quite a bit. she feigns confidence really well, but she genuinely worries about how people see her and what they think. meanwhile, i dont think theres a single person out there who's met her and dislikes her

34. How easily does your oc throw something away? As soon as something is through with its usefulness, or are they more like a hoarder? Is there a reason?

its a little hard for her to throw things out. i wouldnt say she's a hoarder, but she does like keeping things, even when they're no longer useful, especially if theyve got some sentimental value to them. still, she won't hold onto EVERYTHING, and throws shit out if necessary

Possum

2. Can your oc play any instruments? Have they ever wanted to learn how to play any? Why?

yeah! possum can play the guitar. he stole one off of someone and taught himself how to play. its a good way to pass the time. he doesnt sing along when he plays if other people are around though

31. What is your oc’s sense of humour like? What do they find funny? Do they try to be funny? Are they actually?

ehh, he doesnt really crack jokes, and jokes typically have no effect on him. he doesnt have much of a sense of humor at all, though he'll sometimes let out an amused snort if he sees something bad happen to someone. schadenfreude might be the only way to get him to laugh tbh

33. How does your oc’s own perception of themselves compare to how other people see them? Is your oc aware that other people see them differently (if it’s different)?

possum sees himself as being extremely smart and capable, while most others tend to underestimate him. prior to coming to the ranch, he honestly counted on people underestimating him, but now, he's a little frustrated by it (not that he'd really say anything about it)

34.How easily does your oc throw something away? As soon as something is through with its usefulness, or are they more like a hoarder? Is there a reason?

possum almost never keeps anything superfluous. he doesnt like the idea of having a bunch of useless items laying around. despite having been safe at the ranch for a long time now, he refuses to fully put down roots, and would be ready to leave at a moment's notice

[rigil-kentauris]

tw unresolved whining

so i had to cancel my writing ai subscription today because i found out they were doing images and its just making me reflect. i dont use it so i didnt notice, i mostly just wanted to tool to grow and mature. it was like my one indulgence. anyway. i wasnt involved with ai writing tools at the the BEGINNING beginning, but i was definitively there before All This. and i remember having never been so excited in my life about writing. i hadnt actually had fun writing in years, i realized (went to college for creative writing degree, for reference. like this was supposed to be my whole ass Life).

and i felt so hopeful, because it seemed to me that this was the perfect tool for me personally. it filled in all the parts of me i struggle with because of Depression and Exhaustion and We Live In A Society disease. im not sure whether or not i was using it like it was supposed to be used back then (definitely not how its supposed to be used now), but it reall felt like having a dance partner. we went back and forth sentence by sentence (sometimes word by word), making something that pushed and challenged me because it would 'write' things that i wouldnt have even considered. and i could go off of that one word or turn of phrase for paragraphs. until i got stuck. and i suppose you could get that if you wrote with another human being, which could be cool, but it was also a paradoxically safe space. sometimes you dont want to write extremem trauma whump angst with other people and i think thats okay

and it was fun. and there were issues. but it was okay

and then the art bots came.

and i felt... angry, obviously, on behalf of all the artists who were getting jacked. but i was also... pissed off. because all of a sudden people hated AIs for theft unilaterally (a good thing to be mad about) but they hadnt given a shit before. back when it was writing. because i am also a writer of normal human works. on places where content was being scrapped from. and all of a sudden there was a new cultural norm, at least in the circles i cared to be in, and no one cared about writers. at all. in fact to date ive only seen one post/piece about ai theft of text and i went out looking for that.

and it was like. i hadnt thought about the datasets before, not really. no one thinks of this is stealing (fiction) writers jobs. its only just now, like the past couple months just now, becoming a talked about problem because it steals journalists and REAL writers jobs. academic jobs. serious good people. not nasty little fiction writers. much less poets i am not a poet but i have never ever seen anyone talking about ais taking jobs from poets. and they can. people who think ai cant write mostly, i think, dont know how to use them correctly. (then again i also think people who think they CAN write fall under the same umbrella, so... ai writing programs have. problems as unique spottable and predictable as image ais adding an extra finger.)

anyway at the time, though, i hadnt really thought about tet theft in datasets. back then you really had to KNOW what generative ais were to understand what was going on. no one was explaining except to other people who got it. and of the people who got it, no one was talking about it. i wish they had been. obviously we are all of us individually responsible for our participation in society but. why wasnt anyone talking about it before? why is it okay to steal someones words? or at least, passable. why is it still passable?

it just makes me feel things. and i dont have any answers. besides that writing AIs should be the EASIEST thing in the world to fix. unlike with art, the public domain for written fiction is both massive and still popular. as in, people will use an AI trained on older writing whereas AFAICT, the only ai image makers that make money need to mass-steal anime and pop art. no one's arguing about Ye Olde Oil Painting Ai.

i dunno. it feels. odd. because obviously i cant support a place that steals. but i feel some kind of emotion about dropping a tool that made me feel connected to writing again, in order to support a (good and important) fight that doesnt seem to care about writers at all

i dont have any resolution. just upsetness. i wish we could use this tool for all the good its capable of. instead right now its just a big theft machine.

one day with the march of tech i guess we'll be able to run beasts like these on our own, and then i think we'll see more ethical options. it just sucks in the meantime.

[swag-system]

🍑 - do your alters have their own spaces/rooms? 🍎 - was your headspace there when you first discovered you were a system, or did you have to make/build it? ⛽ - how did you discover you were a system? 🧭 - were there any obvious signs that you were a system before your discovery?

🍑 - i assume this means like in headspace which nooope. we aint got shit!!!

🍎 - im gonna be honest idk how tf people make headspaces. we got a black void where we can look at each other. theres a couch for the people in front. sometimes theres objects. its been like this since forever and i straight up dont know how i could make it be any other way. we cant even really talk in headspace that easily either, its so difficult we usually just take turns typing using pluralkit to have conversations. cooked

as a note, i believe there are a few parts of headspace that actually have Stuff but idk. its mostly just a black void. honestly its not really a concern of ours anyways. making a detailed headspace (however ppl do that) just sounds like too much brain power

⛽ - its kind of hard to explain, i guess one day it just. clicked? we had spent years hanging around system friends beforehand and during a breakdown we kinda just. realized. like "oh hey wait a minute". and then the old host freaked out so bad he made everything like 100x worse but once we fully chilled the fuck out about it it really did just make sense. we got diagnosed with OSDD and then DID (twas changed after our therapist spent more time observing switches) a while later (dont remember when lol) and after figuring it all out weve just been living like we always have, only difference is after discovery we had words to describe our situationship + much better internal communication + less horrible memory barriers.

🧭 - SO MANY. SO SO MANY. back in our 1 year of middle school there was an entire fictive alter that would do our homework and sign HIS OWN NAME and we wouldnt remember it at all but we were goin thru a lot so we just shrugged n went "i guess my name is hawkfrost now" and decided to just be grateful our homework was done. also like. multiple noticeable alters and switches our whole life really. weve always been a system, we just didnt have any words to explain or understand what was going on in our brain until 2021.