#sometimes i do develop weird side effects

[gravehags]

also i’m starting a fresh round of tms treatments tomorrow morning (this will be my…fourth one in maybe 5 years?) and idk why i’m so nervous about it!! i’m a professional at this point!!

[eff4freddie]

Touch | Part Two

Words: 2.7k

Part One | Series Masterlist | Part Three |

You have no intention of messing with the stability you have discovered in Jackson. But whatever higher power is still up there twenty years after the end of the world has other plans.

Warnings: slow burn, post-outbreak, Joel Miller is a grump and a menace, no use of y/n, eventual smut but not in this chapter, I still have no idea how many parts this will be but I’m feeling six maybe?

Maria’s words ringing in your ears, you resolved to stay away from Joel and his not-quite-adopted daughter. Having become accustomed to defending the things that mattered to you, you found yourself protective of this little community your dad would have dismissed as communist had he had the chance to see and unfairly judge it. Sleeping without your boots on, your feet rubbing over the bare cotton tucked up in blankets, had been a pleasure you had finally remembered how to enjoy.

Marla, though. Marla has always had a flare for the dramatic and surprisingly poor judgement for someone who has lived this long through the end of the world. She was a literal child on outbreak day, as opposed to your wisened 16 years, and you suspected she may have stopped developing around that point. Her complete lack of maturity, her ability to wonder blindly into abject terror just to unblinkingly fight her way out of it, was endearing so long as there weren’t clickers on the edge of the tree line. She had decided your tendency to isolate was ‘making you weird’ and every lunch time for the last four days had arrived on your front step to march you down to the mess hall. You suspected the real reason was to check out the newcomers, under the cover of altruism. You respected her tenacity, even as you resented her for it.

Four and a half days into her crusade to integrate you into any available social group, she waved a spoon in front of your face.

‘This is no good,’ she assessed, gesturing to your eyes, then your bottom lip. You sucked it in between your teeth and reminded yourself she had been the one hauling you over the sides of mountains to get you here.

‘Be more specific,’ you said and she grinned.

‘You don’t smile when you’re in here, your eyes go all squinty,’ she observed.

You felt something click in your jaw and you reached up to push hard on the condyle, the masseter tight as a bow string.

‘Just so many people,’ you said, pushing your stew around in your bowl. ‘It doesn’t make you nervous?���

‘I go through that gate most days of the week,’ Marla replied, her tone passive but somehow assuring. ‘The way Tommy runs it, no-one’s getting through that check point with anything less than a Nobel peace prize.’

Out of the corner of your eye you watched as Joel offered his left overs to his daughter, the two of them sitting alone at the end of a nevertheless crowded table. He sat hunched, favouring his right side, his arm tucked in hard against his ribs. If he leant too far over in the wrong direction he grimaced, and you noticed this all in the fleeting glances you allowed yourself while Marla forced you to ingest first your stew, and then her gossip.

‘What do you know about them?’ you asked, cringing when Marla turned her full body to peer in their direction. It wouldn’t have surprised you if she pulled binoculars out of her cargo pants to get a better look.

‘Him and Tommy spent a lot of time apart, when Tommy was a firefly.’

You sucked air into your lungs, sure for a moment they had just collapsed.

‘He’s not anymore, not for a long time,’ Marla defended. ‘He didn’t…he doesn’t follow their philosophy.’

‘You’ve been talking to Maria,’ you observed. She started plucking at the skin around her fingernails. You smiled at her, warmth in your voice. ‘Ray not the only one doing reconnaissance?’ And you rolled your r for dramatic effect, and because sometimes you could be quite funny, actually.

Marla grinned, busted. ‘It’s. It’s important for me to know, when I’m on patrol it’s about protecting? People? So I need to know about…the people.’ You wanted to give her a standing ovation, the bullshit was so exceptional. Instead you lifted a hand to her shoulder, sent affection down your arm and under your palm, where you hoped you deposited it into her muscle.

‘Maria’s not a fan,’ you said, and watched Marla acknowledge this fact, then make her way around it.

‘He’s different to Tommy, I guess. She’s made her preferences clear.’

You let that sit for a second. You thought about telling her what Maria had said, keeping his daughter in the dark, but you felt a need to keep the seed unwatered, not to throw it any fertile ground.

‘He’s hot,’ you confirmed, simply, and she blushed.

‘He is though?’ She grinned. ‘I’m going to ask Tommy to swing him onto my patrol.’

‘He patrols?’ You asked, alarmed, noting again the way he was so stiff on his right side as he pushed his chair back behind him.

‘He’s a protector,’ she replied, and you both watched as he stood from the table, waited for his daughter to follow, then shuffled off alone and away. ‘Like me,’ Marla finished, reaching for your unfinished stew.

—

You knew, in this new world you all now made the best of, that curiosity was a dangerous thing. Remembered the young boy from two apartments down who wanted to see the sun fully set without dipping behind walls. The girl who thought the FEDRA soldier with warm green eyes might have been a softie under all the armour, all the hardship. The kid who wanted to understand why the fence was humming, and put his hand out to see what would happen. Curiosity was a dangerous, tricky, deceitful thing in a world already lousy with nasty surprises. You kept your head down and your mouth shut, and it had got you this far. You would have to be perfectly happy not knowing anything about Tommy’s older possibly homicidal but kind of limpy on one side brother. That was your plan.

It, too, failed almost immediately. It wasn’t fate or divine intervention that delivered him to you, it was Tommy, on your front porch with Joel over his shoulder, Tommy’s smile bright and benevolent and Joel’s grimace trained solely on your doorstep.

‘Evening’, Tommy said, and not for the first time you imagined him in a cowboy hat just so he could dip it to you like a gentleman. ‘You met my brother?’

You shook your head, having apparently swallowed glue sometime between opening the door and this moment.

‘He’s grumpy and he’s hurt,’ Tommy continued, undeterred by his older brother’s scoff of disapproval. ‘Not necessarily in that order.’

‘Hurt how?’ you asked, stepping forward before remembering yourself and immediately stepping back.

‘Not hurt at all,’ Joel said, and his voice was so much softer than you imagined, a gentle rumble, that carried with it years of struggle. You tried with every atom on your skin to stop the goosebumps. Failed.

‘Not recent, but acting up. The cold. The walkin’ Tommy continued. ‘Maria said you work miracles, so thought I’d give you the devil’n see what you can do.’

You smiled at Maria’s assessment, wanting to ask after her but sensing from the pure recalcitrance leeching off Joel that it would be the thing that finally made him turn and march home.

Instead you stepped aside, gesturing into the warmth of your home. Tommy smiled again, whacked Joel on the shoulder and down your front steps. ‘Behave,’ he called out behind him, to which his brother very purposefully did not respond.

You realised as soon as he was in it that your house suited Joel. It was a little shabby, a lot rough around the edges, but it smelt like warm wood and furniture oil and you’d tried to keep things ordered for the sake of appearances. He stopped in the entryway, his eyes swivelling from your lounge room to the bedroom doors, and you stepped forward and around him to get to your treatment room. ‘In here,’ you said, and turned your back so you wouldn’t see if he’d rolled his eyes at you. You felt him approach behind you, heard a floorboard creak as if it sang just for him, and held your breath.

‘The hell is that?’ he asked, and you turned to see him pointing at your apocalyptic massage table.

‘You get in the middle, the towels hold you up,’ you said, seeing it now through his eyes and dying inside, just a little.

‘Ain’t getting on that,’ he said, plainly. ‘Thing’ll collapse and take us both with it.’

You sighed. He was hot but he was also annoying. He was a perfect match for Marla.

‘You haven’t even said where you’re hurt,’ you said, and he stopped you.

‘Ain’t hurt.’

‘Where Tommy thinks you’re hurt,’ you said. You watched him cock his knee out to the side, shifting his weight to one leg and standing with his hands on his hips. He seemed bigger than the room could possibly withstand. His jaw tensed as he thought.

‘Shoulder,’ he said eventually, having apparently assessed that divulging this information wouldn’t likely result in instant death.

‘I can do your shoulder in a chair,’ you offered, and immediately regretted your choice of words. He raised his eyebrow.

‘Chair any less collapsible?’ he asked.

‘Not at all. But you’ll have less distance to fall,’ you said, and his eyes sparkled ever so slightly when he laughed.

Except that the kitchen was smaller than your treatment room and somehow you’d never noticed it, and with the table and chairs in the centre of the room suddenly it felt like Joel took up all the space. You contemplated this as he shuffled around you, how Maria at nearly eight months gone could feel petite in comparison. You realised you hadn’t seen her at the mess hall for a few days, that you should check on her.

‘I gotta take my shirt off?’ Joel muttered, with his back turned to you. When you didn’t immediately answer he turned to look at you over his shoulder, and where you thought you’d see ridicule you saw only a guarded vulnerability. For a second. Before he turned away.

‘Have you never had a massage?’ you asked, and he sat heavy down on the chair.

‘Not really my thing,’ he said, in such a way that did not engender any follow up questions.

‘You don’t have to take it off’, you said. ‘Whatever you’re more comfortable with.’

You realised then he had already decided, settled as he was with his back to you and his hands resting in his lap. He closed his eyes, almost as though he was bracing himself.

‘Go on then,’ he said.

You glanced at the ceiling. Events of the last twenty years already had you pretty much convinced there was no higher power, but in this moment you appealed to it, regardless. You had no idea what had your heart racing so fast. You flexed your fingers to try and get them to steady before you touched him.

His right shoulder was indeed tight, but you knew almost immediately that wasn’t where the pain was coming from. Over his flannel you felt along the clavicle, up to the back of his neck, swept down across his scapula. When you reached further, down towards his waist, he shifted, clearing his throat. You pulled back.

‘Said shoulder,’ he said. At this you rolled your eyes, finally having enough of the man who you were helping for free being gruff in your own kitchen. At least Maria made you tea when she came over.

‘It’s all connected,’ you said, prodding perhaps a little more roughly at his deltoid. ‘You need to think of your body like a series of links in a chain. One gets weak and the rest of them up and down from it have to compensate.’

‘Mmm,’ he replied, and you weren’t sure how but he made it sound dismissive. You felt heat on your cheeks.

‘The shoulder doesn’t just mean here,’ you said, putting your hand on the expanse of his shoulder blade. ‘Shoulder pain can be neck, jaw, back.’

‘You go to school for this?’ He asked, changing the subject.

‘I did yeah, before… Before.’

You took a step closer, repositioning yourself so that you could take his wrist in your hand and hold his arm forward, over his chest. With your other hand you pushed into the rhomboid, felt the push back of the muscle as it fought you to release.

You realised, after several seconds of holding him, that you were basically hugging him from behind. You wondered if he could feel your breath on the back of his neck. You wondered if he liked it. This close you could smell the soap he used, the sweat on the back of his neck mingling with the warmth of his cotton shirt. You released him, tension now effectively transferred from his body to yours, and he let out a long exhale.

‘You favour this side,’ you said, before you’d really thought about it.

‘Do I?’ He asked. ‘You notice things like that?’ In that moment you were glad to be behind him, so that he couldn’t see the blush storming up your cheeks.

You set upon his trapezius, then, digging your fingers into his flesh, found it more pliable than his shoulder. You heard his sharp intake of breath.

‘Tender?’ you asked, but he didn’t answer other than to grunt. You continued, suddenly realising you were dangerously close to running your hands through his hair and worse, wanting to.

He hissed then, and you stopped. ‘Sorry,’ you said, automatically, and he pushed your hand away, but not unkindly.

‘Was carrying some wood on it,’ he said, reaching up himself to poke and prod at the tender spot. ‘Tommy was there, saw me tryin’ta be a hero. Called me out on it, said I don’t know my age.’

‘Sure you weren’t showing off for the sake of your little brother?’ you asked. He grinned.

‘Not for him, but maybe for the other guys gathered round helpin’.

You put your hand on his left shoulder as you came around in front of him, pushing the table out of the way with your hip as you went. ‘Here, I just need to…’ you said, as he pushed his chair backwards to make space for you, and you used his good shoulder as an anchor when you pivoted to turn back towards him. He looked up at you, big brown eyes underneath arching brows. You saw his hands lift from his lap as if to steady you, as if to grab you by the hips and grind you down on his cock.

You swallowed. Took a second to wonder where that had come from, before you lifted your hands to his right arm and folded it again in front of him. ‘Just need to get a better angle,’ you explained, almost under your breath now that you were facing him, and he nodded quickly at you. For a moment he just gazed up at you, and you felt more naked than if he had stripped you down right there in your kitchen. You felt relief when he closed his eyes.

‘So when you say carrying some wood…’

‘Three planks, not heavy just awkward. Used to be able to do it easy.’

You cupped his trapezius, easier to get to from the front, and gently lifted the muscle up with a squeeze. Close to him like this, his face level with your chest, you felt more than heard the rush of his air as he gasped. His eyes flew open and shot straight to yours, his mouth dropping open in surprise.

You wanted to lean down and suck on his bottom lip. You felt the tremble return to your hands. A synapse, firing off randomly somewhere behind your earlobe, reminded you when the client was in pain to keep them talking. You swallowed twenty years worth of ache, and cleared your throat.

‘You a carpenter?’ you asked, and for some reason thought of Jesus, and of Joel wrapped in a loin cloth, and of nailing yourself to the cross if you couldn’t fucking get your shit together.

‘I was a contractor,’ he said, closing his eyes now that you were no longer actively torturing him.

‘What are you now?’ you asked, feeling a click under your fingers as the joint finally settled. He exhaled, the relief causing him to finally relax just a little, his whole frame leaning forward toward you, such that you worried his head would collide with your breast.

‘Old,’ he said, after a beat.

‘All fixed,’ you said, taking a step back and colliding inelegantly with the kitchen table. Later, after you’d refused any and all payment and he had promised to owe you a favour regardless, after you’d walked him to the front door and shown him out, after you’d gone into your treatment room and stood staring at your massage table as if it had any answers, you went and stood in the doorway to your kitchen. The table was still askew, the other chairs dangerously close to scuffing the walls. Your gaze lingered, though, on the chair where he had just been. You found yourself reluctant to move it, wanting to sit down in it to try and keep his warmth. You laughed at yourself, wondered what Marla would say, tried to practice how you could tell her the story at lunch tomorrow.

You flicked the light off before you went to bed. You’d move the chair back tomorrow. Maybe.

[phagodyke]

made it to lunch without throwing up or killing myself at work can I get a hell yeah

jesus christ I look peaky

[spaceorphan18]

The Rogue and Gambit Project: Previously On X-Men... Rogue (Part 1)

Ten years before Gambit even came along, Rogue became a staple of the X-Men line. That's a lot of time for her to be established, so I thought I'd give a quick run down of her adventures in the 80s. There's so much to go over, though, I've decided to split it into two parts...

The Basics:

What's her name? Hahahaha, canon has no desire to tell you. It'll take the movies to force the comics to give her a first name and her marriage to give her a last. So, we're getting way ahead of ourselves. But, in case you don't know, it is Anna Marie LeBeau. I'm going to need to keep an eye for when we first learn it!

What's her backstory?? Again, we're not going to find out for a long, long while and... like all superhero origin stories its wonky and weird and doesn't make a whole lot of sense. (Oh, guys, just wait...)

Power Set (via uncannyxmen.net) : Absorb the essential energy of others on contact, allowing her to draw upon a template of their memories, learned skills, and superhuman powers, with the strength of the template proportionate to the side-effects to the victim, ranging from minimal weakness to leaving them temporarily powerless or comatose; accumulated residual templates make her mind extremely difficult to read

She'll have more but... we'll get to that, too....

Previously on Rogue's Story...

Alright, so jumping in, there's a lot of canon to go over in ten years, but Rogue doesn't play a huge role in her first decade. However, she is around, a lot, once she arrives, so I've decided to go over some of the best issues that feature her. Overall, though, Chris Claremont's 17 year run on the Uncanny X-Men is pretty classic, and I do recommend the whole thing if you're ever feeling like really digging into the X-Men...

Anyway... Rogue's best stories during the 80s (Part 1)...

Avengers Annual #10

Rogue's first appearance. This sets up a few key things you should know about her --

She was originally a part of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants working for Mystique. We learn that Mystique (and Destiny) is somewhat of a foster mother to her.

In her attempt to steal powers, she steals from Captain Marvel (Carol Danvers - then known as Ms. Marvel) and absorbs her power set a little more permanently.

That power set consists of flight, invulnerability and super strength - the power set she's often associated with.

Absorbing Carol also means that Carol is often a part of her psyche, and Rogue has somewhat of a split personality for most of the 80s. Often times, Carol comes to the forefront and Rogue herself is buried.

She clearly has no qualms about assault and villainy at this point.

Classic X-Men 44

We do get a little bit of her backstory some years after her first appearance. There are a few nods to this incident before Classic X-Men comes out -- about her past with Mystique and about Cody, the first boy she ever kissed and the time she discovered her powers. (He ultimately ended up in a coma, btw.) He's going to be a seminal part of her story for a long, long time. But this issue lays them out a little more plainly.

I should note: when she kisses Cody and when she runs away from home is not always consistent. Sometimes the kiss comes before she ends up with Mystique, sometimes it's after.

But this issue at least gives us the first real look at it.

Uncanny X-Men #158

The first time she appears in Uncanny X-Men - the main X book of the time. Carol Danvers is on the team at the moment, and spots her. The two throw down. Rogue ends up (kissing!) and stealing Wolverine's powers, Nightcrawler's powers, and Storm's powers. Storm eventually sends her away via tornado. Not a whole lot of character development here as she's purely in a villain role, but it is nice to see her in X-Book.

Dazzler #22-24, 28

Rogue then spends some time in Dazzler's solo book - as one of the primary villains there. Mostly, she's jealous that Dazzler has everything that she (thinks she) wants -- fame, money, the ability to kiss people without killing them... The Dazzler solo is mostly action heavy, but it is interesting to see Rogue in such a villain role, especially since she'll be notable hero for so much of her history.

An interesting note - Rogue takes on Angel, and Mystique wants her to steal his powers, but she's terrified of doing so since she's never absorbed someone with a more physical defining mutation. She also claims that kissing is the best part of her power stealing (she's drastically going to change her mind about this). And she doesn't hesitate to say she'll kill if she has to (an aspect of her character that she does go back on, but when push comes to shove, she will kill if she absolutely has to.)

Uncanny X-Men #171

Rogue finally comes to the X-Men after the voices in her head become too much and she wants help controlling her power. The X-Men stand around debating whether to take her in or not, and Xavier finally gives her a chance despite reservations from literally everyone on the team.

I love this issue. Not only do we see Rogue finally coming on board, but she's drawn much differently in the issue. She's much softer and more vulnerable as she comes to terms that she hasn't been a great person and her powers are something that draws a line from having actual intimacy with anyone.

This is also where we can really see that Mystique (and Destiny)'s parentage has been rather terrible and that Rogue just has zero idea what to do. As an aside - we learn here that she's only 18!!

Uncanny X-Men #173

When Wolverine's fiancée goes missing, Rogue teams up with Wolverine to see what's going on. This starts Rogue's slow integration into the team and how she befriends Wolverine. I don't know if I'd say they're super close over the years, but they do have each other's backs, and they do make a great team -- all of which starts here.

Uncanny X-Men #(177-)178

Mystique comes back to take Rogue home but Rogue isn't about to go. She's found a new home and ultimately does the healthy thing and reject Mystique here. (Mystique takes it relatively well even if she doesn't like it.)

Uncanny X-Men #182

The first issue that mostly focuses on Rogue. We get a big insight into what's going on in her head as her own psyche battles with Carol Danvers. It's a really great issue that digs into who Rogue is and the identity battle that she's going to face for a long, long time.

Uncanny X-Men #185

This is a great issue for the development of Rogue and Storm's friendship. There's a huge conversation about trust and vulnerability and it's an issue that really solidifies the bond they have with each other. This is also the issue where Storm loses her powers, and kicks off a mini arc with Rogue on the run, all of which is really good.

Uncanny X-Men #192

While not a huge Rogue focused issue, she does get to spend some time with Nightcrawler and Colossus and is beginning to really feel integrated onto the team.

After this, things take a turn. For one, Rachel Summers (the alternate reality daughter of Scott and Jean -- ooff, comics) has shown up and has become Chris Claremont's darling. Rogue kind of takes a backseat, and while she'll have a moment or two hear or there, is not a primary focus for a long, long while.

Secondly, we start to move into the crossover era, where the X-Books are less about one shot stories and mini arcs, but become sprawling, cross book stories. It's a lot to untangle, and while Rogue is never center stage through any of it, it's enough that I'll pick it up in Part Two...

[trekmupf]

"We're all mad here" 🐇👸🔫🐯

Pro

The famous massage intro

Sulu and McCoy taking a lovely little walk together

Sulu is such a botany nerd; I love these small character moments

McCoy thinking he's loosing his last marbles

Spock literally thinking that humans go on shore leave to run up and down meadows like dogs

The way Kirk smiles when he thinks Bones is pranking him is lovely

Kirk's facial journey when he realizes McCoy and Spock played him

The first time Kirk calls McCoy Bones

The way the running is filmed and the way they run – and boy do they run in this episode

Sulu, gun enthusiast

The easy friendship between Kirk and McCoy- the way they joke and laugh with each other is so beautiful

McCoy is so beautiful in this episode, I could screenshot every second. He smiles so much and is so at ease, I mean

Continuing what we know from E3 Kirk wasn't the super cool Bro at the academy but actually the bookworm people bullied

Kirk saying that Ruth hasn't aged a day since they last were together ages ago, and the actress being the same age as Shatner when we see her... canon Kirk being into older woman okay.

McCoy rolled a natural 20 on charisma

me @ yeoman Borrows being super into McCoy's flirting: same girl same

Also I actually like that for once McCoy is the one having a little romance and getting to flirt / be desired, which is rare (because he's older and not the leading man; Tumblr, of course, disagrees)

every time the tiger is on screen I remember that Shatner literally wanted to fight it and it makes me laugh

fake character death trope! (also Bones is a beautiful corpse)

Spock like no offence lady, I'm to gay for this, Spock out

“Did you have fun guys?” “Yes we did Mr Spock” wink emoji implied, like you guys know it sounds like you had group sex right

the setting and scenery is beautiful and a nice change

the score underlines the whimsy and lightness of the episode

the premise is so silly but works well. I miss episodes like this on modern TV, just some downtime with no large scale danger, war or plot, just silly crew shenanigans that gives us more time to spend with our guys

sometimes Sci-fi has great special effects, and sometimes they just hold an antenna really close to the camera and call it a day and I love that

I'm Yeoman Borrows; Look at him being all happy

Con

McCoy's death has no lasting impact on anyone, it's just a short time plot device and then gets shelved for more adventure / silly time; Even though he does come back, I wish it wouldn't have been so trivialized here

weird wind chime sound effects of the planet

Finnegan as a character is super obnoxious and too over the top (which is saying something in the episode with Alice in wonderland)

especially the second confrontation takes ages, especially as we now have more pressing matters in the narrative

treatment of yeoman Borrows (We already know weird things are going on based on what McCoy saw, yet Kirk doesn't believe her and shows zero empathy towards her distress), also her main purpose is damsel in distress

Kirk is a bit slow to unravel the mystery and almost stupid at times? It might be excused by him using the opportunity to let go of his responsibility and being with Angela / letting out his anger with Finnegan

the amount of references and jumping between visions is too jumbled and all over the place, which is why the pacing is off. some bits are so short, they'd better be cut (Rodriguez side adventure) and some just go on (Finnegan)

Counter: Shirt rip Kirk

Quote: "You've got your problems, I've got mine. But he's got ours, plus his, plus 430 other people" - McCoy about Kirk Moment: Opening Scene, where Kirk thinks Spock is massaging him and being super uncomfortable when its a female crew member

Summary: Silly and light episode with no deeper meaning but some great character moments, funny scenes and further development of the interpersonal relationships

In another universe this is a classical painting

Previous Episode - Next Episode - All TOS Reviews

[loonarmuunar]

Epithet side effect headcanons that somehow turned into disability stuff while I was writing 👍👍 (these are kinda angsty I did not intend for that to happen but uh here we are—)

Molly — sometimes if she overuses her epithet, it can almost “nullify” her mind in a sense, giving her short-term memory problems on occasion. Usually it’s mild and doesn’t have much effect, just normal everyday forgetfulness, but when it’s bad, her head gets really fuzzy and she can’t focus or remember anything, she gets awful migraines and headaches, and she has a sort of feverish mind (y’know like when you’re so sick ur head feels Weird and u can’t Brain right). It’ll go away pretty quickly as long as she rests, but uh. We know she ain’t getting much of that.

It’s really Stressful and frustrating for her, because she KNOWS she forgot something but she can’t remember WHAT in the slightest.

This doesn’t happen very often thankfully since she doesn’t strain her epithet much, it’s like a once-every-few-months kinda thing.

Giovanni — got this one from a fic, Giovanni has a lot of sodium in his blood (cause soup, salty) which gives him wonky blood pressure, and it causes chronic nosebleeds. I like this one a lot cause I used to get nosebleeds on like a weekly, and in the summer, daily basis as a kid.

He got his first nosebleed in late spring when he was about 5 or so, just running around outside. He didn’t notice (and trust me when I say it can be HARD to notice) for a LOOONGGGG time. He ended up losing a LOT of blood. When you get a nosebleed it can sometimes run down into your throat and you’ll start spitting up blood it’s Uncomfortable and Gross. Anyways he went back home, went “hi moms :3 *soaked in blood, choking up blood*” andddd they Freaked Out.

He’s anemic because of it, and has to take iron meds. If he forgets to take them he gets really dizzy, and if it’s particularly bad, he can faint.

Sylvie — Narcolepsy. And insomnia. You can have both (and from what I know, they often go hand-in-hand), and he is Not having a good time.

He’s exhausted during the day, he tries to take stimulants to stay up but they don’t always work. When it’s night, he can’t go to sleep for the life of him, and if he does, he wakes up very often. It’s Not Fun. Sometimes he just gives up, and sleeps all day, then works all night.

Mera — We know the side effects, but I’m gonna mess with it a bit (aka I’m projecting). The muscles around her joints are really weak and frail, meaning it’s looser, so she has Hypermobility. Possibly also Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. She’s got a lot of joint pain on top of her regular pain.

She’s got it b a d, if lifts her arm up too high it’ll jerk and she’ll be like “oh yup. Dislocated again.”

She’s absolutely COVERED in bruises and scars, whenever she has to get stitches it constantly tears. She heals horribly. She’s starting to develop arthritis as well.

Medication usually doesn’t do anything for hypermobility related pain, if you’re lucky it’ll take the edge off. Indus helps her out with heatpads and stuff, but other than that, she just has to tough it out.

Indus — nothing. Have u seen this man?? He probably drinks disgusting high vitamin smoothies every morning, he eats full proper meals, dude is in PEAK CONDITION. If he did have any side effects it would be completely negated by his sheer healthiness. Diseases and conditions fear him.

He is however that One Person who is prepared for Everything and will help u if u need it. He carries medication and heatpads for Mera in case she forgets them, as well as bandaids and antiseptic wipes. He’s just a Good fella… <33

[callmearcturus]

redoing this ask because fuck that poll lmaoooo i have a persona question, IMO persona's romance system can sometimes fail when its clear the devs wanted one character to be the "canon" love interest for the overall story, but added in side romances to please fans (p2 with [spoiler redacted], p3 with aigis, and p4 with rise based on how much time is focused on their dynamic and bond) but i feel like P5 *intended* for Makoto to be the go-to romance option (especially with how she was handled in the anime) but Royal switched it to Akechi. Do you think that Persona should just stick with one romance option, have a small number of options that they develop, or have it be "every npc is an option" type deal. personally i think it depends on the game? but i feel as if P5 would have benefited from only having 5 romance options (Haru, Makoto, Akechi, Hifumi, and maybe Yusuke?)

Hmmmmm.

It's hard to consider this without also thinking about the other dating sim RPGs, i.e. Bioware. What's interesting there is that some of the romances felt intended (Liara in Mass Effect especially) but there were multiple really good options.

What I find interesting is how Persona and Bioware games handle the shared authorship of the characters. There's an entire Game Maker's Toolkit video about how the narrative designers had to design on a tightrope, keeping the cinematic nature of the story rolling but also making the player feel like they had a handle on the direction (even when the latter was mostly imagined).

Okay, here's two weird thoughts:

The wide array of Persona romances are pretty shallow and would benefit from a shift to much fewer romances that are far more fleshed out.

Akechi is so shocking and compelling because the comparative shallowness of the other romances, because he is a subversion of them.

To me, what makes Akechi the far-and-away best 'romance' of Persona 5 Royal is that he's not a romance 'option.' The player has very little agency over how Joker feels about Akechi. If you hit a couple of flags, then Joker is fucked up and in love with Akechi. That's just it. Maruki gives everyone what they want, and what Joker wants is Akechi.

The fact that Joker is a partially player-directed character that autonomously decides to be in love with Akechi is the secret sauce, imo. Ergo, if you improve the romances overall, you lose some of the specialness inherent in Akechi.

I had a LOT of problems with P5R's writing and especially its structure. I would remove Makoto entirely but for pacing issues, not for the strength of her writing. I'd cut a lot of cruft from the game.

I don't know if I would take away the gutpunch of Akechi though. Not for P5R. For other Persona games, 100% yes, I would. Narrow the scope of romances, maybe even stick just to party members so its easier to build a coherent, meaningful narrative with the love interest.

i hope some of that makes sense, i'm a bit sick and meandering today

[oshinohoshi]

Oshi no Ko Ch 160 thoughts

I think I'll start this out with a jump scare.

Imagine this guy showing up at your door trying to sell you a nice new set of kitchen knives. I'd take ten.

The above image is so ghoulish that I'd be tempted to see it as just Aqua's distorted perception of his father, not a mask off moment where Hikaru morphed into Slenderman

But I have no confidence that this chapter didn't just toss Hikaru's character development in the bin

A well-executed twist following a twist should be satisfying but rather than getting a nice "aha" moment, I'm just getting whiplash

Even though I don't like it, I guess I can buy a heartbroken and jaded Hikaru who subtly manipulated Ryosuke into becoming more unhinged and later influenced Nino to do his dirty work

Although I don't think Ryosuke needed any help being a dumpster fire of a human and Nino really has nobody to blame but herself

But then what were chapters 154 and 155 about?

The mess that was HkAi is so compelling to me. I find their relationship sweet and tragic. It was a disaster that could have become something lovely if they weren't such fragile people already deeply wounded at a young age

In order for Hikaru's realization that Ai loved him to be as impactful as it is, then "I'm going to do what I can for Ai" can't be a lie

Which means he can't have wanted to hurt Ruby after watching the DVD

Which means that we're gonna keep spinning in circles about Hikaru's culpability and motives until Akasaka lets us off this ride

We've gone from "Aqua delivered a revenge worse than death to an already self-destructive man" to "oh, I guess that meant nothing. Time to have a knife fight"

And then there's the below panel. The worst thing Hikaru said about Ai was that she was a normal girl who could be cruel. Now she's standing next to a very accusatory speech bubble

"Make people obey you?" Hikaru wouldn't think that of Ai post 154

I wouldn't be surprised if he's just winding Aqua up because he has a death wish, but I think that's just me trying to cope

I've been waiting a very long time for "you're just like me" from Hikaru to Aqua but it would have been more effective if the panels supposedly showing Aqua's power to charm didn't seem to have been chosen at random

Can I just say, this panel makes me uncomfortable:

It's hard to think of Ruby wholeheartedly singing love songs to sweaty 20-something men, and the way Ai and B Komachi started doing so when they were just children, and not feel weird

OnK does a wonderful job portraying the good things about idol fandom alongside the heinously toxic things, but it's so heavily weighted on the good side with Ruby that it sometimes makes me think Ai's death at the hands of an obsessive idol otaku who believed she couldn't be a real person because she sang love songs to her fans was a fever dream

And I know this is Aqua's image of Ruby, but it just seems like we're completely ignoring the arc where she went into full on manipulation mode (like father like daughter, I guess)

Anyway, the standout moments of this chapter were that Ai drew a heart on her toothbrush and the below panel. The little Hoshino family melts my ugly, deceptive heart

Christ. I haven't even mentioned Aqua's big ass knife

Aqua won't stab anyone. Just maybe do some light slashing

There is a blatant retcon about Nino and Ryosuke at the hospital because Crow Girl said there was a middle school aged boy there. The only ways this could not be a retcon is if Hikaru lied, Crow Girl lied, or crows really can't see well at night

Next chapter: Hikaru lets Aqua stab him but it bounces off because Nino, who wanted to protect her buddy, secretly made his suit knife proof. Ai's toothbrush turns out to be pivotal to the plot because if only she had used an electric toothbrush as dentists recommend, none of this would have happened.

[thirtheenprimes]

I am trying so hard to finish Network Effect today. I will be starting System Collapse tomorrow come hell or high water.

On another note

I love paying attention to Amena and her interactions with SecUnit this read through. It's all from SecUnit's POV so it's easy to forget certain people only see certain sides of it, but Amena has such a fun experience getting to know it.

She had very little interaction with it before this survey. It trades media with the little kids but obviously Amena isn't included on that. She just knows her Secnd Mom was kidnapped and in danger then she was safe and brought home this 'SecUnit' (whatever that means) who seems like this intimidating person who doesn't talk much and her Second Mom stands close to sometimes. Second Mom doesn't seem to have any problems touching it sometimes, and from Amena's perspective, that probably isn't noteworthy any more than acknowledging it doesn't never happen.

Then it shows up to ruin her 'date' and acts like an asshole about it. She gets the distinct impression it doesn't like her (because she doesn't know it very well yet).

Then she sees it glare and snap at her uncle and her uncle says he doesn't trust it and acts like he doesn't like it either.

Then everything goes to shit and it saves her and protects her and is acting really weird about the new ship they're on. She feels a responsibility to do something, the injured corporates are pressuring her to make it do something and she only has a vague understanding about how SecUnits in corporation space are handled and what they're expecting, so she tries to act like her second mom and take initiative (because SecUnit is acting weird and doesn't SEEM to be doing anything at all) and she grabs its arm.

Then it stares directly at her (for the first time?) and removes her hand and tells her to never touch it again.

She gets to know it better, it does so much to help and protect her, it tells her why it's acting weird and has a sort of break down that makes it seem more like a normal person than she's ever seen.

Now its friend the transport is back, so is her uncle and other members of her team, and SecUnit is calling her its human and its not hesitating to touch her to move her around (protectively, taking care of her) and she is really seeing first hand how much Arada, Overse, and Ratthi care about and trust it, she can really see how ART and SecUnit interact and obviously care about each other even if they don't know how to be friends properly yet, and she can see how competent it is. She understands it isn't doing nothing wen it's just standing there, she understands it's paranoia and precautions are built on shit like this happening, not nothing.

IDK man I just love Amena's developing understanding of SecUnit and I am incapable of having a thought about this book series that is short.

[quitealotofsodapop]

That's an interesting thought. What are the differences between demon monkeys, specifically stone monkeys, and their none demonic counterparts? Obviously, the parent does abandon the egg but they may tend to expect their troop to take a larger role in raising the child, especially if they aren't sure if they'd survive the egg making process if they didn't have a mate. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if they mated for life since you can definitely see it with Wukong and Macaque even when they hated each other. So perhaps, with a normal pregnancy, a stone monkey would expect the majority of the parenting to come from their partner, not for lack of care, but rather because even a normal pregnancy is somewhat risky for the species.

There's a reason there are so few nowadays, and their struggles with pregnancy is a big part of it.

They have strong paternal and maternal instincts, especially those born of the more feminine side of the elements. That's why Wukong could never bear to hurt something cute like a bunny robot and why things like puppy eyes are so effective on him. He's of the Earth Element. Even if he himself identifies as primarily male, he will still have heavy maternal instincts.

It also is why he knew from a very young age that he wanted to be a parent.

referencing this post on Stone Monkey and Monkey demon social dynamics vs irl monkeys.

Stone Monkeys live in wide social troops with no clear ranking system apart from "who can do X task rn?" since they originated in a less kindly world (pre Great Flood) and having healthy babies was super taxing biologically. Family ties very important - older kids will stay with parental troop their whole lives save for when they search for a mate (sometimes they dont even have to do that since inter-troop mingling is encouraged) or when they hear the call of adventure/ leave to explore for potiential new nesting grounds.

Stone Monkeys also typically mate for life.

Which is *why* Stone Eggs evolved in the first place.

Consider this;

Monkey A & B are a mated pair. B dies due to illness or attack or old age, and A is super sad and doesn't have any cubs to care for. A then decides to bury themselves with their deceased mate so that they can reunite in some way. Add in some sympathetic death/life god blessing the species and you got an Egg! Formed from the combined dao of the parents - it gives the A & B a last shot in the dark to continue their genetic lineage! The troop can care for the baby, cus clearly it's part of the family, and the cub will (hopefully) grow up to pair up and make cubs of their own.

BUT...

Say the whole troop was wiped out by something that left Monkey A the last survivor? Illness, massacre, a certain Great Flood, etc...

Thats where the "*Stone* Egg" comes in again. By developing and incubating slowly underground and adsorbing natural life energy, the baby can stay cooking for a long time until another troop comes across it. Stone Monkeys you see, love digging and can sense odd sources of energy hidden beneath the ground. A troop member digs up a weird egg-shaped object within or next to the fossil of another monkey? Not hard to put two and two together. Also helps potientially "wake up" the parent whos body has been in biological torpor for a long time. The stone egg parent may be able to recover from the process and help raise cubs in the new troop. The egg's parent *may* be able to move on from their former mate and/or find one in this troop, but its uncommon for widowed stone monkeys to "remarry".

In terms of parenting structure; Stone Monkeys prefer to have it equally split between the parents/mated pair with older kids and troop members pitching in. In the case of pregnancy/surviving a Stone egg, the birth parent is allowed some vacation time from the baby as the other parent picks up the slack. +This is inspired by irl Golden Lion Tamarins and Pygmy Marmosets, where the dad and troop all pitch in to help raise the babies while the mom recovers from the very taxing birth. Dad monkeys even train to gain muscle so that they can carry the babies for Mom when they arrive. They even midwife for their mate when they go into labor.

And as for literally mating for life? Its the norm. Some Stone Monkeys simply never settle down or dont have a life mate at all. But the ones who do? It's almost supernatural levels of devoted.

Wukong and Macaque are unknowingly "soulmates" in the most literal sense of the word. Their Stone Monkey instincts tell them "this is the one" and to make it Work, because its the greatest chance for genetic success/survival in addition to genuinely being in love with one another.

So it was devastating for both when jealously, anger, and the interference of the gods caused the two to split so many times in their lives. Even when they "broke up" under the Mountain, they knew the other would be their only mate even without knowledge of Stone Monkey social structures. Which made it even worse due to a certain fight they had later on in the Journey...

As for maternal/parental instincts? Super duper high. Stone Monkeys again, pitch in to take care of the troops babies to give the parents a break. They also naturally adopt orphan cubs; makes more sense to adopt when pregnancy is so dangerous for the parent and there's a perfectly good baby without a parent right there! And those on the more "Yin"-side of the gender trigram tend to go full "mom-mode" on babies that aren't theirs, their bodies even reacting to an adopted baby as if it were born from them.

Which causes some issues regarding Stone Monkeys considering anything vaguely monkey-like without a parent to be potientally their new baby. Regular earth Monkey Demons probably have old forgotten nicknames for Stone Monkeys that roughly translate to "den mothers" or even "the nannies".

So SWK's reaction to the bunny mechs on the Moon? Typical Stone Monkey behavior.

Even if MK aint Wukong's bio-kid, he certainly became part of his troop the moment he saw him.

[teaboot]

hello this is my first Tumblr and I am quite confusef Hel me!

Hello!

Tumblr in my experience is different from a lot of other social media platforms as there is no real goal or purpose or competition in posting. You can pretty much just say or do or add whatever and if people like your vibes the follow you, and if they don't, they don't.

If you like certain topics or Fandoms (groups of people who enjoy a particular show, book, media, etc.) you can search for it and click "follow" on blogs dedicated to those things.

Whenever they post something, you can see it on your dashboard (your "feed" or "homepage") and decide to comment (add pictures or words) reply (say something without sharing the post with your followers) or reblog (share with your followers, so that anyone following you can see the post, with or without adding your own commentary.)

Beyond technical stuff, there are some cultural things you may want to know about.

If something you reblog has potentially upsetting content- violence, traumatic topics, nudity- its considered an act of courtesy to "tag" it. This is so your followers who specifically do not want to see those topics can use filters to make those posts invisible. This is handy for people with phobias, PTSD, or photosensitive epilepsy, but also for people who just don't like those things.

There are a lot of memes that will not make sense. That is because posts don't vanish when they get old, so anything that becomes a "meme" often gets referenced over and over again for years, sometimes actual decades. Posts like "do you like the color of the sky?", "Horse Plinko", "loss.jpeg", etc. are examples of this.

There is no algorithm that decides what you might like and shows you those things. You are in control of your own experience. If you see a lot of posts from people you don't like about things you don't want to see, you can block them and never see them again. They won't see you, either. It's like making friends- you can choose to follow whoever makes you happy and avoid whoever doesn't.

There is a bot problem. Bots are automated spam designed to look like other users. This is often "cute single women" type stuff, but can also be anonymous or generic fake blogs that send out a thousand identical messages that accuse you or others of wrongdoing, or just send out basic insults. They will never see your reply. They only exist to cause chaos. You can report and block them and are encouraged to do so.

There is a difference between "liking" and "reblogging". If you "like" something, it is added to an invisible list so you can go back and find it later. If you "reblog" something, your followers can see it too. Artists prefer reblogs over likes, because they put a lot of work into their art (or writing) and the only way they can reach a large audience is if lots of people share it. Artists who are trying to get commissions or develop a career depend on reblogs to continue making art.

Sometimes an update or change happens that alters the website without any warning and everyone whines about it and adapts. This happens every few months. It's kind of dumb and sometimes makes it worse but if you Google "tumblr 2012" you will see that it's actually been a slow march of improvement.

Something weird will happen on April fool's day. Sometimes this will affect the website layout.

You will not get many followers unless you engage with other users. This is a cafeteria and if you wanna eat alone you can.

If any of your posts go viral you will see it forever until you die and if it's about Beans you will live out the rest of your days getting messages like "Are you Bean Guy" so tread lightly

You will need to choose an icon and change the appearance of your blog or people will think you are a bot. (Side effect of the bot problem.)

I have no idea if you are a bot or spam message this reply is an act of faith

Good luck!

[venacoeurva]

Want some Corprus thoughts and headcanons while I take a coffee break

Putting under a readmore since I ramble

You know how Concept Art Dagoth is doing some weird flesh manipulation with his hand and his muscles n shit are just slippin out? and the patterning on his other arm just kinda. looks like he can unravel. Maybe if he wanted to, he could drop the humanoid body and just be a funky flesh mass thing a la final boss mode 2 or something? Fun to think about, I explored it a little with my Longoth Ur stuff.

Yeah anyway, what if the Nerevarine could do that, but to a lesser degree after they seek out treatment and the more dangerous aspects are subdued, particularly if you follow the idea of them actually being Nerevar's reincarnation and having Azura on their side actively helping and not just everyone going "huh sure" and improvising?

Following the idea that Corprus is a divine disease mortals just can't handle, and it's a display of controlling it. People who aren't ~worthy~ basically turn into your standard corprusbeast, and I like to think Ascended Sleepers basically detonate into an explosion of flesh (whose screams become almost musical once more of the tentacles start replacing where their mouth was) once they hit a certain point of transformation (enlightenment!) as well. Maybe the higher on the hierarchy of who can handle it they can sort of retain a body that's more... normal looking and not teratomas to the max with your arteries deciding they want to be outside of you.

In my Nerevarine's case, most of the remaining effects are internal, with his left leg deteriorating during and after the plot of the game resulting in an eventual above the knee amputation and his internal organs are a little wonky (besides some damage he has like 2 extra kidneys, notably). I like to play with the idea that he has some flesh manipulation abilities, too, he's just not aware of them and they're more or less just subconscious, but they giving him an ability to "link into" his prosthetics, letting him to develop prosthetics like a leg from taproots that resemble a spriggan's flesh and function as if it were a normal leg, kind of like a leg transplant, and connects to his tissues. He's preferential to that one since it comes with less discomfort of more standard ones. I also think the ability gives his flesh a little more leeway in his werewolf transformations being a little less taxing on the body since he kinda just has more... stretch? and adaptability.

I also think it works against the Nerevarine, though, even once it's technically asymptomatic, even if they're aware of it and developed a whatever control they could over it... or maybe they try to ignore it. This would vary by who they are. In Wren's case, it keeps him alive when he's passively trying to die (he hates being immortal), and his left arm tends to do its own thing sometimes in the presence of other people/entities with/involved with Corprus or the Sixth House, which is a denial of his sense of autonomy--Something Wren is terrified of losing and loathes the Nerevarine prophecy for already stripping him of it in a sense.

It's a fun idea, and I think we should play with it within our own Nerevarines and if you have any Sixth House OCs, in particular, get wild, get funky, maybe they can also yoink their arm muscles out from under the skin to be tentacles, I dunno! It's your house!

[summersmithlatinxgyatt]

Was Summer's character development actually worth it?

Summer went from a typical bratty teen to being one of the most important characters in the entire show. But the problem is that this wasn't a perfect transition. The largest issue I have with her character development is that it sidelines Morty by a good amount

It seems that the back-and-forth with Rick and his grandkids infects episodes that can otherwise boost both. GoTron does show that Summer is in the wrong for instigating Rick, but the way they treat Morty like shit is still unjustified.

It feels like whenever one sibling is the focus for Rick, the other isn't written well. They can sometimes be equally badly written when the focus is on Rick only (such as Childrick of Mort....where they're both stripped down to their stereotypes)

I feel like The Rickshank Rickdemption is the best showcase of both of them. I wanna see if any Morty fans agree, so feel free to reblog with your opinion. But I really like how we got to see Summer's side of the argument for bringing Rick home and how Morty argues against it and understands him well. Summer seems more focused on the effect he has to make life less boring, while Morty is more focused on how he makes everything around him turn to shit after a while. It shows how Summer really DOES want to have a more interesting life she can be involved in as well.

Outside of that, it feels like we don't get many good moments of them together past season 3. And I mean both of them having arcs and being relevant to the plot. Earlier episodes felt more like just going with the flow of the story - which isn't bad!

Auto Erotic Assimilation was a fun team-up between them both and again, we get to see that Summer hates boring, organized life

Think about it

If Rick favors Summer, it shows that he only wants to do what he wants and not be challenged. So he hasn't accepted Morty's personality and actions yet. This means he's regressing while Summer is ironically trying to progress. That further divides Morty!

I can go on longer, but in general...wow. I think that her development did cause Rick to fall behind

ONLY because I feel like they can't write women consistently without failing on other characters, let's make that clear

Why can't we have more of these two siblings in their own ways and also bring back Rick's cynical nature? I don't get why he didn't take advantage of both or grow as a person to accept both. The fact there's even a middle ground is REALLY weird

Anyways Morty fans give me your opinion because i feel like some Summer episodes lead to Morty being underwritten or sidelined. Otherwise I love how she developed ^_^

[thats-my-passion-right-there]

Also we could have made it SO MUCH GAYER?!?

I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god

[acanvasofabillionsuns]

ask me (how i'm feeling)

AO3!

Summary: Remus still makes Patton uncomfortable sometimes, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like him. Quite the opposite, actually. Warnings: none Wordcount: 814

“Hey, Patsy-doodle-dandy!” 

Patton looked up and smiled at Remus, setting aside his coloring book.

“Hey, Remus! What’s up?”

“The vacuum of space!”

“True!” Patton had found it a lot easier to get along with Remus since he started just agreeing with what Remus said. He usually didn’t want to dwell on whatever it was, but acknowledging it and then moving on let Remus have his voice without squicking Patton out too badly. Still, though… “Far, far above us, right?”

“It could be closer if you want,” Remus suggested, waggling his eyebrows and making a lewd expression. Patton scrunched up his face — he wasn’t sure he wanted to know if Remus meant something with his expression or if he was just trying to get a rise out of Patton — but then Remus laughed and Patton found himself laughing along with him.

Remus had a variety of laughs, and Patton enjoyed all of them. Screaming cackles when he scared or disgusted someone, hearty guffaws when a joke of his landed (for him, at least, though Patton thought they sounded richer when other people were laughing too), slightly unnaturally high-pitched giggles when he was plotting something or learned something interesting, snuffly snorting honks of laughter when he was truly caught off guard — they were all wonderful. Sure, everyone else had delightful laughs too, but Remus always seemed to put his heart into laughing, always big and loud with never even a flicker of embarrassment.

“I’m alright, Remus, but thank you,” Patton told him once he’d recovered from (Remus) laughing. “Did you have something you needed me for?”

“Yepperoni!” Remus had recently taken to using words abandoned by the internet as cringe. Virgil hated it and Logan kept thinking they were new slang he had to keep up with and learn how to use. “I’ve got something to ask you, daddy-o!”

“Ask me!” Patton gave him his most encouraging smile, even though he was a little afraid of what the question would be. He wasn’t sure he could handle helping Remus with an experiment or anything similar, but he would hate to let him down…

“How do you feel about me?”

“What?”

“How do you feel about me?” Remus’s head flopped to the side, sending a glob of something flying from his hair. “Do you still hate me?”

Oh.

Well, that kind of thinking wouldn’t stand.

“Of course I don’t hate you, kiddo! You’re part of my famILY!” And he’d recently been developing some feelings that made calling Remus “kiddo” feel a bit weird. But this wasn’t the time to deal with that, he needed to reassure Remus—

“Second question! How would you feel about a date?”

“Like the fruit?” Patton immediately regretted the question. He was going to blame it on feeling absolutely blindsided by Remus’s questions (twice in less than a minute!) and also his inherent need to deflect from any feelings that didn’t align with his normal “happy pappy Patton.” (He was working on it.)

Remus gave him a pouty little frown and hummed. “Well, I suppose I could work it in if it matters to you so much. But! You. Me. Torrid romance.” There was a lot of gesturing and shoulder shimmying and dramatic eye contact accompanying the proposal. Patton would be pretty sure Remus were screwing with him, if he were the sort of person to ever lead someone on. So he probably meant it. So…

As metaphysical beings, sometimes the sides got weird side effects to Thomas’s/their own emotions and mental states. Janus got snakier when Thomas was in denial, Roman took “bruised ego” unfortunately literally, Virgil’s height sometimes fluctuated with his anxiety level. As Thomas’s heart, feelings and morality, Patton certainly wasn’t exempt from such things.

All this to say that when Patton processed that Remus was for real asking him on a date, little hearts popped into being around his head. All the colors of the rainbow, no bigger than a few inches, spawning around his face and floating up until they hit some threshold and faded away, to be replaced with new ones.

Patton didn't even mind at first, too busy turning going on a date with Remus over in his brain, but at some point embarrassment kicked in. He covered his face and the blush warming it, letting out a noise like a tea kettle. Remus chuckled, a low, fond laugh that made Patton’s insides do little flips, and grabbed Patton’s hands in his own.

“I think I could take a decent stab at it” —there was a little sparkle and then Remus was wearing tiny daggers, poked through his ears. Patton smiled at the pun and chose to believe that they were earrings, non-sharp and safe to wear— “but what do you say, darling? Want to make everyone jealous with how hot and amazing a couple we are?”

And what else could Patton say but yes?

[clatterbane]

Oh yeah, about that persistent anemia that the new endo pretty much flipped over...

Yeah, I developed some suspicions of my own there, and it took maybe 2 seconds of searching to turn up plenty of info about PPIs directly causing iron absorption issues too. 🙄 Besides the other minerals I already knew about. They're pretty well known for that, leading to bone density problems for some people. Most likely also the reason my sodium and potassium levels have kept coming back just under the acceptable range too. You fuck around with the balance of digestive secretions and pH, it may have some unintended effects!

I've been stuck on high-dose PPIs ever since that big DKA crash in 2020 damaged my digestive system. They've actually kept me on the maximum dosages approved for adult humans, but I've ended up cutting it back some myself to the point that it's just higher than usual. (Partly to hopefully also cut back somewhat on potential side effects like this, but also thanks to repeated pharmacy supply issues with formats I can reasonably swallow with my now fucked-up esophagus!)

Never had any notable reflux issues before, but with that damage there's nothing really keeping the stomach acid down where it belongs. With evidence of that from some truly unpleasant testing where they dangle sensors down your throat. And of course they're trying to keep more acid from doing more damage. Some of that effect if I don't have the meds is probably from rebound acid overproduction, but if I don't take them for whatever reason now it gets ugly within a few days!

So yeah, I do seem to be stuck on the PPIs for the forseeable future now, whether I like it or not. It's just good to know that I do need to make sure to take in extra of certain minerals on a regular basis to try and compensate for that.

Am I surprised that two endos now, and the GP I got referred to for more tests over it have just completely overlooked well-known effects of meds they knew I was taking regularly, and which are readily found immediately by plugging "PPIs iron" into your search engine of choice? Not remotely.

Nope, they'd prefer to mutter direly about rare liver diseases and all kinds of less likely possibilities--and order a zillion blood tests. At least they DO seem to like to order various testing here when something looks off instead of just ignoring it, I will give them that. Guessing they are not under the same kind of pennypenching pressure that kinda got me needing the freaking PPIs at all.

PPIs are more within primary care's wheelhouse than endocrinology's. But. the gastroenterology guy who has been prescribing the stuff for a good while now ALSO did not put together that the borderline low electrolytes he was concerned about in the context of anesthesia might have some connection there before I brought it up as a possibility. To his credit, he also did not act like I must be on crack mentioning it, or seem to take it as some weird challenge to His Authority. But, the guy--who does come across as smart and competent enough--had obviously never considered this as a possibility.

This shit may be anything but unexpected by now. But, it really does sort of bring home just how bad at least 95% of clinicians seem to be at diagnostic pattern matching, in general.

(I mean, working with patterns like this is just one of the things my own brain has Always Just Done. Getting it to fucking shut up sometimes when it's not being useful, and channeling it into actually productive avenues are the bigger challenge. Seems to be another on the less shitty side of those neuroweird superpowers. But, some of these otherwise intelligent people are just so damn terrible at it by just about any standards. At the risk of sounding like some kind of condescending prick.)