#sometimes i actually don't!
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I left Taipei last Thursday, and have not been on a trip longer than 6 days in more than two years. Today I had grand ambitious to go back to the town centre and make more tour inquiries (because I was due to check out of the guesthouse tomorrow), and perhaps go for a walk to a distant stupa. What my body had in mind was more along the lines of lying in bed half the day paralysed by indecision, trying to figure out if I should take matters into my own hands with a 6 hour public bus ride north at 6 in the morning tomorrow. (As a compromise I'd finally texted the tour office, only to be told that I needed to come in person for updates.) The other half was spent sitting on the floor feeling guilty about being in such a state (despite the fact that it was bound to happen sooner or later). But, at least there was a great view out the window! Might as well be dysfunctional somewhere scenic, am I right...
#i never went outside in the end#but I did recover significantly with dinner#and confirming that I'd extended my reservation for another night#cause it said fully booked on the booking site#someone i haven't heard from in a while texted me recently asking for updates#and said something about me being fearless and living the dream#just to clarify i am in fact scared of many things#sometimes i do them anyways#sometimes i actually don't!
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The second you start talking about some mysterious "they" that are controlling society in some fashion, you are engaging in dangerous conspiratorial thinking even if you're being woke about it. "They" did not institute the 40 hour work week specifically so you would be too tired to revolt. "They" did not invent the sleek minimalist aesthetic in order to crush the spirit of art in the common people. "They" are not pushing mediocre media into the mainstream in order to poison people's critical thinking skills.
Your best case scenario after that is you talk to someone who actually knows what the fuck they're talking about and you get embarrassed because you can't answer basic questions about your own ideology because you never learned anything past "the ruling class/capitalists/politicians are making things bad and if we got rid of them the bad things would all go away!"
Your worst case scenario is obviously the woo-to-fascist pipeline and you end up believing Jews are poisoning American food supplies with GMOs in order to turn us all into beta cucks, so like . . . maybe just stop blaming "them" before you fall down that route.
Obligatory round of disclaimers: Yes, sometimes people do bad things. Be specific about exactly who is doing what instead of ascribing it to some vague group of shadowy elites. Yes, sometimes things in society are bad. Learn to identify the root causes of complex social issues instead of assuming that they're actually extremely simple to fix and we're just not doing it because of some vague group of shadowy elites. Yes, minimalism isn't for everyone. Learn that some people don't share your tastes and get the fuck over it for the love of god.
#surprise! this was actually just my way of complaining that that 'classical tutor' post is going around again#complaining about the degeneracy of modern society because our cars aren't colorful enough or whatever#what if i told you that sometimes societal tastes and customs change naturally over time#and not because of targeted interference from vague groups of shadowy elites#anyway! be specific in your words and actually work to understand the underlying causes of things#and above all else understand that sometimes people just like things that you don't like#and that's not a conspiracy. it's not even hard to understand. like come on people#skepticism umbrella
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#cricket chirping#original character#original characters#oc#ocs#thyme tag#unavailing divinity#I KNOW I technically don't need to but I forget little details abt their designs sometimes and there's gonna be changes over time#And it would be useful for the future when I actually make these characters into a comic#Blagh.
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i'm sorry but i don't think we should call this the "autism website" when there's still posts with tons of notes mocking people who:
struggle with social skills / have anxiety around social settings
are unemployed / unable to work certain jobs
have intense or "age-inappropriate" interests
haven't had certain life experiences that are deemed universal/essential
struggle with personal hygiene
don't have any friends or dating experience
don't go outside much or at all
take things literally / don't get sarcasm/jokes
have unusual ways of speaking
generally aren't "normal"
#+ other things i'm probably forgetting rn#i know most of these apply to other disabilities too but i wanted to focus on autism bc of all the 'autism website' stuff#it's genuinely disturbing to see someone go 'lol autism website'#and then in the next breath be like 'omg look at this loser who [literal symptom of autism]'#but i guess when these people talk about autism they don't mean actual autism#but the tiktok style 'just a bit quirky but still able to assimilate into abled hegemony with ease' autism#i'm just tired of the hypocrisy#autism acceptance month is over now it's time for autism wrath month#being disabled on tumblr can be fucking awful sometimes. might take a break for a while bc i just don't have the energy to deal with it#autism#actually autistic#actuallyautistic
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the best commission client you can ever get is always going to be this specific guy: he wants you to draw an oc he's had for like 16 years, he has a folder of references, she's like a catgirl who is also a magician or something, he has 3 paragraphs of her lore that he gives you + an exact pose, he's extremely polite and tells you to take as long as you need, and then he tips like $160 on top of the asking price at the end. and he always looks exactly like this
#HAVE YOU BEEN COMMISSIONED BY THIS MAN? you may be entitled to: no compensation actually bc he paid double#IT'S HIM. TIMOTHY COMMISSION#i have encountered a few copies of this man and it's always a pleasure#justin tim theodore jacob gabe. are all his name at the same time#sergle.txt#HE ALWAYS TIPS!!!! this guy. jacob or whatever his name is in whatever iteration#sometimes it's a cowgirl but usually it is a kitty cat... i don't care either way babygirl it could be anything. i am happy to take#this kind of order whenever it floats along towards me.
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I love your Dipper and Mabel drawings. :3
THANK YOU 2194TEDDY!!!!
I was just cleaning my desktop, and I came across scans of some drawings from like a month or two ago. I quickly edited them and was about to throw them up here when I remembered this ask!! SO HERE YOU GO, YOU GET SOME MORE!!!
IT'S ALMOST 2 AM AND I NEED TO GO TO BEDDY BYE NOW
#eventually we settled on pants dipper instead of shorts dipper for an older design cuz the silhouette was better yadda yadda yadda#I ACTUALLY MADE A TURNAROUND FOR DIPPER BASED ON THAT DRAWING THATS ON PATREON RIGHT NOW DON'T TELL ANYONE#but I'll share it here in a while#hopefully sometime this week#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#dipper pines#mabel pines#older pines twins#sketchbook#ask#answered#2194teddy
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2023 is the year for asking the burning questions like "What if David Tennant came back to play a queer, nonbinary, nearly-immortal, otherworldly being that loves Earth and whose greatest adversary list somehow includes a cup of coffee?"
#David Tennant#good omens#doctor who#doctor who 60th anniversary#14th doctor#okv#Twice in one year.#“bouncy” for both too.#“possible flight risk to the stars”#“time is sometimes a choice actually”#I had a really good time with the special. :)#Edit: I don't believe in the coffee theory. But I'm happy for people to have fun with their different theories.#All I meant was a (regular) coffee was included with the Metatron.
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"Good" Acting
i have a theory that a lot of people say acting is "good" when they're emotionally moved by it, and a lot of cishet white people have a lifelong habit of not listening or empathising when minoritised people speak, so minority actors get called "bad" even when they display some pretty fucking amazing technical skill
#also a lot of female actors don't get recognised despite being fucking GOOD#that's not to say minority actors can't always be bad#of course we can#I'm just saying#sometimes#for SOME shows in particular#ahem ahem#some actors might get very heavily criticised for reasons that have very little to do with their actual technical skill#and more to do with the politics of those criticising them#also I'm not talking about me here#before anyone says that#I'm talking about some actors I know who have recently been criticised in my opinion quite unfairly#despite doing something very difficult#like oooohhh i dunno#playing two roles in the same show?#and doing it very well#displaying some amazing technical mastery of body and voice technique#but hey what do I know#oh wait I went to drama school and I'm a professional actor lol I DO know#I'm just a woman so I have to couch my expertise in cutesy self-deprecation lest people think I'm a bitch
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the dialogue choices in this game should be more diabolical
#i love akechi but i sometimes i wish you could bully him like no matter which dialogue u pick it sounds like ur flirting back w him#“i'm going to be completely honest with you. i've always hated you” why can't u say smt unserious back#like “sorry i have a snatched waist and correct opinions on everything.” or like “ur loss lmao”#hate playing darts with this bitch bc i play on a steamdeck and i don't have a fucking gyroscope so like#it's trying to replicate how the joycons or pro controller would throw AND ITS SUCKS SO BAD#like i just see akechi get a hat trick every single fucking time with three bulls in a row and meanwhile im struggling to line the thing up#and then after u finish he's like “hmm i see. that's an interesting way to play it” WHAT THE FUCK THERES LITERALLY NO STRATEGY HERE SMARTAS#I JUST MISSED. IM NOT STRATEGIZING. THERES NOTHING “INTERESTING” ABOUT IT.#i hate going to penguin snipers so much i hope i can get this stupid game on switch so i can actually rank up akechi's baton pass#and not waste like 1000 yen every night bc i refuse to not let a party member be on rank 3#akechi fuck yourself why can't we play 501 like we do with everyone else. why do u have to make everything abt this stupid rivalry#im gonna kms i hate akeci and i hate darts#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#goro akechi#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#shuake#akeshu#lotus draws
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All illustrations for The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation: Russian Edition Exclusives, Volume 5
Finally got my hands on the russian истари/Istari publication volume 5 for Mo Dao Zu Shi, so here are high resolution scans of the art exclusive to this particular edition. The art here portrays events that occur in the post-storyline extras.
Full resolution available for download here (tumblr compresses images a little)
Illustration Artist: Marina Privalova (Baoshan Karo)
[Vol. 1] - [Vol. 2] - [Vol. 3] - [Vol. 4] - [Vol. 5] (part 1)
#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#the founder of diabolism#mxtx mdzs#wei wuxian#illustrations#wangxian#mdzs novel#official art#I'm working on making some upscaled scans of the art from the other novels as well#tbh these aren't actually “scans”#I actually just took pics of the pages with my phone and then have to edit it and redraw some parts of the original image or add space#because pages aren't flat and I don't own a scanner unfortunately#and sometimes the words on the other side bled through the page#these are 100% faithful though#the only things I ever had to extend are environmental#I looked for an epub or pdf of this book for so long but couldn't find it anywhere#and I mean literally anywhere 😭 scoured Russian social media sites for hours and nothing#did find an interesting weird mdzs Russian translation though#weird as in the translation was not accurate at all#but it had its own little art interspersed#I think it was a fan thing rather than an official translation
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I see why people do MS paint rage doodles this is really great
#*its Ishy because they seem to take her words to heart more than the others and because I can draw her hair from memory#**I am not actually mad#I need to make it clear that I am a Dante fan and I love them as dearly as the grass loves the spring rain but they need a punt#*gritting teeth* I love reoccurring character flaws soooo much. its especially great when the flaw is that they worry in their head more#than actually Performing Actions and you get to read it happening as you know it'll blow up in their face for the 93794324628th time#like manager. manager listen to me#wait till Fau dies. turn back everyone BUT HER and TELL THEM#I love you stupid clockhead but sometimes I mean the insults a lil more than usual.#does this count as canto spoilers? I don't think this counts as canto spoilers#limbus company#ishmael lcb#dante lcb#⏰⛪
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~ a little something about waking up next to Dazai, and he's unbearable as always ~
"I might just eat you alive..." He mumbles to himself, barely audible. His eyes are half-lidded, and he's barely blinked.
He's been watching you sleep next to him curled up like a kitten for the past hour, way past the time you usually wake up. He's the oversleeper, not you, and it makes him hyper aware of your bodily functions and if they're okay. He hasn't eaten properly in days, but you don't need to know that. He's rabid, and he knows he's being a total freak right now, but who will worry for you if not for him? He must rise up to be the voice of reason, the watchful eye that keeps you on track even if he can barely keep himself alive! He wishes you'd stay forever, where he could avoid his problems and take care of your every single need. He should be everything you need... He hopes. Then you'd never leave, and he would make sure to eat more, just for you. How perfect... selfish.
God, he just wants to crawl inside of you and make you his home, it's almost pathetic. You'd find him vile for the things he would do for you and your happiness, despite you already being so accepting of his dark past... You're simply heaven sent. He takes a deep breath, and lightly runs his knuckles down your jawline, as if carving them out of the precious material that you're made of. You begin to stir, and his pupils dilate instantly as he pulls back with anticipation.
"Mmm... Osamu..."
You murmur sleepily as your chest rises up and down ever so slowly. He's freaking out. It's bad for his health to hear the way you say his name as if it were a healing oath, a spell that only works on him.
"Wakey wakey~"
Dazai's propping himself up on one elbow, a calculating smile plastered on his lips as if he were in on something you weren't. You pop open one eye, and groan softly.
"You're up... early"
"Yes!"
"Why..." You yawn like the silly little thing you are. He gasps in mock offense, clutching his chest.
"Can't a fortunate guy like ME just be happy that we both live to see another beautiful day?!"
He winks, and boops the tip of your nose, this gets a muffled snort out of you that causes you to bury your face into the pillow. He's addicted to the rush of causing any joy in your life, it's disgusting. When you don't lift your face back up, he scrunches up his face, and reaches out to stroke a strand of your silky hair, but his intrusive thoughts win and he tugs on it as payback for possibly falling asleep again. He needs your attention, and you're sleeping? Insanity. You swat at him, blindly smacking his arm away.
Oh, how he loves that you're the only person who truly sees him past his myriad of theatrics.
"Oh my... a slap from you feels wonderful!"
He rubs his arm, and grabs the hand that swatted him, bringing it up to kiss the pulse point on your wrist. Feather like kisses, almost undetectable... until you lift your face up from the pillow, finally.
He gazes at you as he rubs his face onto your hand like a cat greeting its owner, purring as if he were starved for affection. For a moment, his gaze becomes more serious, detached, as if he were thrown back into a distant memory. He can't describe the feeling, but the way your hand feels against his cheek is a warmth he hasn't felt in ages. His eyes sting, and he blinks the wetness away before you can notice as he hears your angelic voice again. He's back to his usual self.
"Osamu... You're being annoying"
"You think I'm just annoying?~"
His voice comes out in a tender whisper, his mouth curled up into a mischievous grin. He's insufferable. He could be anything for you if you wanted it. Especially annoying! He almost drools when you roll your eyes affectionately at him, the coldness in his heart disappears as he leans in just a little, invading your personal space as always, eager to hear your reply.
"Amongst other things, yes..."
You flash him a sweet little smile, and it mends all that is wrong in the world. The pink in your cheeks is starting to turn red, and it sends him to the moon. He hums, slowly nuzzling himself into the crook of your neck, it's his turn to curl up. You run your fingers through his messy hair that tickles you, feeling the warmth of Dazai's breaths against the back of your ear.
"Hmm, do I look like a pillow to you?"
He can hear the smile in your murmur, and he pulls back from your neck briefly, peering at you through his messy bangs, those intense hazelnut eyes demanding your attention, and his voice drips with an aching devotion that oozes like honey. he moves his lips to your ear, and whispers.
".. You look like an angel to me."
He watches you self destruct at his painfully smooth delivery of a compliment, and secretly rewards himself for once again giving you another reason to never leave. He's got it all!
Romance, self deprecating humor, an inability to properly process his emotions and grief, but more importantly, an undying commitment to stay alive against all odds so that he may see another day of you in his arms... or you helping him change his bandages... or-
He's cut short by you grabbing the sides of his face and pulling him into the most sinfully delicious kiss known to man, and he could swear that despite all his efforts, this might be what ACTUALLY kills him.
#i don't know what happened i started typing and then i blacked out#slightly obsessive dazai...#this is just a soft launch for how badly i want to write yandere dazai#bungou stray dogs#dazai x reader#bsd dazai#dazai fluff#I THINK WE SHOULD ALSO SEE DAZAI HAPPY SOMETIMES#osamu dazai x reader#this cannot possibly be a drabble anymore im sorry this is so long#i need a horse tranquilizer so i can actually relax#osamu dazai#dazai x you#i want to hold him and choke him out help meee#bsd x reader#dazai imagines
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part of knowing me is watching me self-destruct. you cannot save me, you cannot fix me, and you cannot stop me.
#actually mentally ill#actually borderline#actually bpd#ed not ed sheeran#ed not sheeren#bpd#bpd thoughts#bpd feels#bpd vent#bpd mood#this is so dramatic and like edgelord but fr!#not good at taking care of myself and self-aware about it! plus stubborn and spiteful and defiant so your concern just fuels me#sometimes i can be very 'oh you're worried? shut the fuck up and don't tell me what to do'#so that's not great
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christ sometimes I just wanna. steal a time machine & go back & sit down next to my 9-year-old self and just like. let them pull out their pokemon card binder & gush about their holographic gyarados or whatever. I'd just smile & ask questions about motherfukcing bulbasaur & tell my kid self that I thought they were a neat person, & someday they'd find other people who thought so too.
like i'm a grown adult who honestly finds most kids stuff boring, but. damn if i could go back & hang out with my baby self & listen to them ramble...just so they knew someone was listening. i would in a heartbeat. thinking about u kid
#wouldn't roll my eyes or check my phone or get bored or nothing#I'd just listen to that little dork & smile & encourage them & let them explain how their favorite gameboy games worked#i was the kind of kid my adult self would find annoying & uninteresting but like#most of the actual adults in my childhood felt that way too. including my dang parents.#and ya know sometimes they showed it. a lot of times without realizing it. and that messes a kid up#if you don't make an effort kids WILL recognize your disinterest and lack of attention.#kids deserve to have caregivers who show interest and engagement#even when it's over stuff that adults find boring. especially then maybe#your kid doesn't have to be fun or interesting or easy or well behaved to deserve positive attention#they deserve positive attention because they are YOUR KID#if love is unconditional then DISPLAYS of LOVE and AFFECTION must also be unconditional#not something that must be earned#telling your kid that you love them is not enough. that is step one out of like a thousand#if you just tell your kid you love them but you don't demonstrate affection and interest and patience and warmth and etcetera#your kid isn't gonna feel loved! I Love You will just become a trite phrase that they regard with mistrust!#bitch you gotta FOLLOW THROUGH
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Tall trans girl reading this: you aren't too tall for heels. If you want to wear them, wear them proud. There is nothing more spectacular than a tall woman in heels, and nobody can ever take that away from you, not even yourself 🩷🪻
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#mtf#nonbinary#trans positivity#honestly my favourite kind of woman is somebody who's told 'arent you too tall for those?' when she wears heels...#...and the next day she shows up in even TALLER heels#sometimes womanhood is a huge 'fuck you' to people who don't get who you are i think#I LOVE YOU WOMEN... 💐💐💐💐🫶#(also this includes all type of heeled shoe. heeled boots are a great choice to start out ime)#(if you want to practoce wearing heels without Wearing Heels get platform boots imo)#(i think a big reason i can wear actual heels is that i wear heeled platform boots daily)#(and it really helped me get used to how heels feel without the fear of heels that are really thin)
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crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.
i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.
in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.
i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.
i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.
plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.
the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.
we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.
i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.
a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.
today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.
loved beyond thinking.
#spilled ink#writeblr#personal#please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it#i really try not to write so specifically about it#bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child#i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years#i might delete this. feels big.#the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum#and if u say ur autistic#inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms#please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do#and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort.#but it still feels like...#when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing.#they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly?#and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find#the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go)#and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW."#''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.''#and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic#someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.
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