#and said something about me being fearless and living the dream

[thistransient]

I left Taipei last Thursday, and have not been on a trip longer than 6 days in more than two years. Today I had grand ambitious to go back to the town centre and make more tour inquiries (because I was due to check out of the guesthouse tomorrow), and perhaps go for a walk to a distant stupa. What my body had in mind was more along the lines of lying in bed half the day paralysed by indecision, trying to figure out if I should take matters into my own hands with a 6 hour public bus ride north at 6 in the morning tomorrow. (As a compromise I'd finally texted the tour office, only to be told that I needed to come in person for updates.) The other half was spent sitting on the floor feeling guilty about being in such a state (despite the fact that it was bound to happen sooner or later). But, at least there was a great view out the window! Might as well be dysfunctional somewhere scenic, am I right...

[barcalover86]

Unreal nightmare - Gavi

Summary: "How can I learn to live without you when you taught me how to be alive"

"Your relationship was a private one, and we didn't really get to see you two a lot. How was she?" one of the reporters asked.

Pablo chuckled a bit.

"She was so fearless." he started. "Energetic and chaotic kind of girl, you know. Wherever she was, she would bring the light after her. You couldn't feel sad or hopeless around her."

"She seemed like a really nice person."

"Yes, because she was."

Pablo had to stop because he knew that if he would say one more word, he was going to cry. He hated the tight feeling inside his neck.

The older man comforted the boy, putting one of his hands on Gavi's shoulder, while massaging it.

After a few seconds, Pablo continued.

"Before I met her, I only found happiness in winning. But she taught me to enjoy the process, to be thankful that I am healthy and that I have a house where I can sleep and that I have a really loving family that supports me."

"That's so kind of her."

"Yes, she was really kind. To everyone."

He smiled sadly while thinking about you.

"So tell us, Gavi. What happened? One day, she was out there cheering your name, and the next one, we found out that she had passed away? How come?"

The boy started to tear up. His hands reached his face, not wanting to let the world see his pain.

Everyone felt so sorry for him. They all knew how much he loved you and how happy you had made him.

"Just one day, she started scratching all over her body. We were all really confused especially when her eyes got yellow."

"Oh.."

"Yeah.. such a bad memory. Well, then we got her quickly to the hospital, and we stayed there for about 5-6 hours to get her a doctor. She then started to be in so much pain."

"She was having some allergy?"

"I hoped so, but she was not. We found out that she had liver cancer."

"I'm really sorry, Gavi-"

"We took her to the best doctor, but it was all too much for her and after only 1 month of being in the hospital, they let her home for the 'she better dies home with her family, rather than alone' kinda reason".

"But.. After only 1 month, it was that crucial??"

"Liver cancer is extremely dangerous and painful. It expands incredibly fast."

"And she was staying at your house while you just had to pretend that everything was fine... to not worry the people around you."

"Something like that, yes. But our families were there to help me out with her. As I said before, everyone loved her."

"How did she die?"

"She lived more than any doctor said she would. But God.. she looked so different and drained. Even at her worst, she was asking for everyone's health" Gavi laughed a bit.

The reporter smiled.

"I don't know if it was bad or if I'm thankful that she died in my arms.."

"Oh, Gavi-"

"Don't start, please," he once again teared up. "I just don't understand why she had to suffer like that when she was the most angelic person that I've met. She was so, so young.."

"How old was she?"

"17."

A loud silence acapared the room.

No one knew what to say in these situations.

--------------‐---------------------‐---------------------‐------

"Gavi, go to sleep! Tomorrow you have a big game and you have to be rested."

"Pedri, please leave me alone."

"Then I'd be a bad friend. C'mon, brother, go have a nap. I know you're tired."

"I can't sleep, Pedri! Ok? If I close my eyes I only see her dead in front of me!"

"Pablo-"

"Everyone is dreaming about the healthy version of her, and I'm the only one that can't even imagine my girlfriend being.. normal and real and-"

"Gavi! Stop!" Pedri began. "You saw her at her worst. It's normal to have that imagine painted in your brain for a period of time. But that definitely doesn't mean that you are not able to also dream about her when she was all healthy."

"I'm afraid that she forgot me and only looks out for her family and not me, Pedri."

"Don't say that! You know that's not true at all."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because we both know that she loved you more than anyone. Now go to sleep and let's have a great game tomorrow so that you can win for her, alright?"

--------------‐---------------------‐---------------------‐------

"Gavira, do you want to play?" Xavi asked the footballer.

"Yes."

"Ok then, go change!"

Before the game, Pablo had promised himself to give his all for you.

And he did that.

He helped his team a lot.

He didn't see you along the crowd, but he somehow felt you in him. You made him stronger and he even scored. Just. For. You.

"She'd be so proud of you, boy."

And then Gavi looked into the sky and saw your shadow.

And then he smiled.

People were cheering his name, and he then promised himself that he would continue to fight for life, just like you did. You fought for every second of life because every moment matters. And by your absence, he learned to appreciate things more. He learned that to live is the most incredible gift that we, humans, have.

[justalesbiankpopstan]

Ateez 9th member

Roux and her dates

Ryujin:

Roux and Ryujin were talking via SNS, about their tour plans and countries they will be in the future. The two have been to unofficial dates before, but never a formal one at that. Ryujin sent a a flirt message:

“Why don’t you come have dinner with me and then we talk more? 👀”

“Sure babe😉”

With that settled, at a Friday they met up in front of a famous trendy restaurant in Seoul. As the night went by, they got talking about their time together at JYP, their dreams and goals, and their personal life.

"You know, Jinnie, there's something I've been wanting to share with you. Ive been seeing your performances and I really admire your confidence on stage and how effortlessly you command attention. It's truly captivating, as if you cast a spell on them.”

"Wow, thanks babe. That means a lot coming from you, you’re gonna make me blush. Honestly, I've always been in hypnotized by your stage presence! You really evolved, it’s like a whole different girl from the one I met back then.”

"Thanks darling. It's not always easy, but when I'm up there, it's like I'm in my element. And being able to connect with fans through music, it's a feeling like no other. And the guys been helping me build my confidence. But what have you been up to in your rest days??”

Ryujin gives her little charming chuckle and proceeds saying; "In my rest days? Well, you know I like to rest at home, like binge watching some new tv show, listening to music, and cooking! You know is like a therapy for me!”

As Roux smiles, she throws a shot; “You know, next time you rest you can call me to cuddle, right?”

"Yeah, I will, it sounds nice. You know, you continue being fearless. You're not afraid to be you, and that's a rare quality.“

Roux looks into her eyes and says; "Thank you, but it’s not hard when I’m around you, you are captivating.”

Ryujin smiles and reaches to hold Roux hands; "You know, you mean a lot to me..and also,we could be a very hot pair…”

“I know right?..” as she giggles, they both continue enrolling through the night, wondering about what could be their future together…

Yves:

They don’t really know each other, but one day Roux sent a message complimenting Yves a story she posted. Yves replied complimenting her back and they started talking. A few weeks later Yves decided to invite her to a night out.

They first meet up at a trendy bar known for its lively atmosphere and creative cocktails. As they chat over drinks, they discover shared interests in music, fashion, and travel, sparking a sense of excitement for the night ahead.

After a few drinks, they move to a nearby club where they start dancing, they feel free. As they lose themselves in the music, dancing together with uninhibited joy and passion, their laughter blending seamlessly with the rhythm of the crowd.

As the night passes, they take breaks from dancing to share intimate conversations in quieter corners of the club, getting to know each other on a deeper level amidst the vibrant energy of the night.

"Roux, can I be honest with you for a moment?"

Roux smiles and says; "Of course, unnie. What's on your mind?"

After a deep breath she said; "I just want to say that I've really enjoyed getting to know you. There's something about your presence that's so captivating and genuine. I feel like I can be myself around you."

Roux blushes; "Thank you unnie. I feel the same way about you. It's rare to meet someone at first sight who understands you on such a deep level, you know?"

Yves nods; "Yeah, it is rare. But with you, it feels natural. I admire your strength and your passion for life. You have this inner light that shines so brightly, and it's impossible not to be drawn to it."

"Wow, thanks unnie. That means a lot to me. And you, there's a kindness in your eyes that speaks volumes. It's like you see the beauty in everyone and everything around you."

Yves looks away into the crowd before proceeding; "I try my best. But with you, it's easy. There's something about you that brings out the best in people. I feel like I can open up to you in ways I never thought possible."

Roux looks down to Yves hands, looks up where their eyes meet, and gently takes her hands; "I'm glad you feel that way. Even thought we only met personally today, I feel like I’ve known you for a long time."

As Yves squeezes her hands, she said; "Me too. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I do know that I want you to be a part of it. You've captivated me."

Roux leans very close to Yves, before whispering; "Then let's make the most of every moment we have together. Whatever the future may bring." before pulling her back to the dance floor.

As the early hours of the morning approach, they decide to call it a night, their hearts racing with adrenaline and their faces flushed with excitement. With promises to do it all again soon, Roux and Yves part ways, their spirits lifted by the unforgettable memories they've created together on this exhilarating date.

Giselle:

Giselle and Roux met back in 2020, when their schedules overlapped. Since then they kept talking and going out. Roux just called Giselle and asked her to come over.

They start by watching random tv shows, before watching the movie “Carol”. The movie is pretty intense, and made them cry at the end. As it ended they started discussing their favorite scenes, moments and critics of the movie. That lead to an intimate conversation.

“You know Roux, I really connect with you! We share similar struggles, issues, and moments. I feel you and I match.”

“I feel that way too! I guess we both dealt with bad comments from the media..”

“Yes! Talking about that, how are you dealing with that scandal? I mean, it’s bad enough to have people eyeing your personal life, but something so intimate as sexuality must be shit.”

“I mean, I guess I’m fine? Yeah it’s annoying, but that’s nothing really I can do? Dealing with this industry have so many problems, but also have me the ability to share my music, my passion, something so dear to me…and have so many supporters feels nice, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. Feels nice to not feel alone.”

After a moment of quiet, she said:

“I don’t mean to be weird or make you uncomfortable, but is it true?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Oh, hope you don’t let anything bad get to your head, because you are a really amazing person, intelligent and gorgeous at that.”

“Oh stop you’ll make me blush.”

“You know, I’ve never really thought of myself being with a girl…I guess I never gave myself the time to really think. All of my life I just thought I had to like men, before I even stop to think what I really like..”

“Oh I know that feeling. I guess you just have to have some introspective moment with yourself, do you see yourself with a woman? With a man? Or both? Do you see yourself settling down with all of them? Or just one of them? Guess you should just really think, and don’t pressure yourself with it! Everyone have their own time!”

“Thanks….though I feel like I wouldn’t mind doing any of that with you…of course, slowly, but if you are open to it, I wouldn’t mind…”

As they cuddle together, they spent the rest of the night talking and just being comfortable with each other.

Yunjin:

This year 2024 Coachella happens to have both Le Sserafim and Ateez performing. What a better excuse to have more time together? First they meet backstage and go out to see other head liners. But at their day off they decided to go to an amusement park.

They arrive early, eager to beat the crowds and make the most of their time. Hand in hand, they start with the roller coasters, laughing and screaming as they race through loops and twists, adrenaline pumping through their veins.

Afterward, they explore the various attractions, from the dizzying heights of the Ferris wheel to the exhilarating drops of the Tower of Terror. With each ride, they bond over shared excitement and occasional nervousness, reassuring each other with comforting words and playful nudges.

As they stroll through the park, they indulge in classic carnival treats like cotton candy and funnel cakes, savoring the sweetness of the moment as they exchange stories and inside jokes.

Feeling adventurous, they challenge each other to games of skill and chance, determined to win each other stuffed animals as souvenirs of their unforgettable day.

As the sun sets and the park lights up with colorful displays, they find themselves on the carousel, riding side by side on majestic horses, feeling like carefree children lost in a whirlwind of joy and wonder.

As the night comes to a close, they share a quiet moment on a bench, watching the fireworks paint the sky with bursts of light and color. With hearts full of happiness and memories to last a lifetime, they share a tender kiss, grateful for the magic of their day at the amusement park.

"I've been thinking a lot lately about life, you know? A few years ago I thought I would just become a lawyer, but now I am here, traveling the world, seeing so many different cultures, exploring the world.”

“I get it, seeing all of this make you feel so accomplished."

“You know, whenever I’m with you, it’s like the world stops, the sounds fades, it’s just you and me.”

“That's exactly how I feel too. You just always manage to make so comfortable, so nice."

"And I love that. I love how we can just be ourselves with each other, no pretenses, no expectations."

"Me too. It's like we have this special connection that's just ours, you know?"

"Yeah, I do. And I never want to take it for granted.."

“I'm truly grateful for tonight. It was a cool way to rewind."

“You’re right.” With that they share an embrace watching the sun go down.

[berlinini]

some Thoughts about the 02 show (while the days of ltwt show recaps the length of essays are gone, I thought I'd share some stuff)(this of course got kinda long anyways, I am nothing but predictable!)

first of all it's so interesting to go online after a show and "consume" the show through different perspectives... I was in the pit close to the sound booth and could see a tiny Louis like tunnel vision (and not even always - I had to look at the screens a lot more than any previous shows). I had never been to such a big venue and it felt like the arenas I'd be previously - it's so hard to gage. Anyways when I saw Louis' IG post I realized how far I was and seeing pictures and videos of the venue - I truly hadn't realized the sheer number of people. Also the lights project from our POV seemed to have bombed but seeing the videos, it did create the intended effect. Also I was so far that I had to ask the gc for the color of the pants (#purple #slay) and only in the encore, when there was a camera on Louis' entire body, did I notice the shoes (unfortunately my eyes deceived me into thinking they were Nike). I missed all the little quirky faces and interactions that I now see in gifs. HOWEVER I did not miss the several times Louis teared up including during Chicago and during his speeches and I tell you my heart was bursting. I love that he talked a bit more than usual - I think he said something like "I can't put into words... well let me try" and he said everything so perfectly! The reference to his dreams and the "we" - I just listened to him and thought how much I love him. His special thanks to his band was super sweet.

setlist: HOTH safe! If I hadn't known DMD was back on the setlist I wouldn't have recognized it. No 7 :( I tolerate Angels Fly but tbh I don't understand how it's there and not like Headline or Always You or FEARLESS. High in Cali was hilarious because you could tell weed isn't legal in the UK lmao - the vibe was so different than back home. 505 still so good and now I can sing every single lyrics but in a very oh poor me, the show ruined my 5 x 505 streak this year since it's now 6. But 505 Laval you'll always be #1 in my Heart <3. We Made It is still the It Girl and Silver Tongues... I doubt a closer will ever come this close (hehe) to how fucking epic it is. Tbh I could hardly tell when the string section was playing but I'm glad I had a show with strings! Me still in LTWT mode wondering why the pyro didn't go off during Walls only to be told there hasn't been any for this tour ouuuups. The Megamix SLAYS so hard and the special effects were SO cool! I did miss the classic rainbow lights for SIBWAWC cuz the lasers didn't reflect on the crowd as nicely but the clouds and at the beginning of ATT were beautiful.

Talking about lasers I was eyeing this guy in the soundbooth that I'd never see before and was clowning about him being there for the LIVE ALBUM RECORDING. I even took notes to figure out later where he works (spare a thought for tumblr user bbrox who has to put up with my insanity). ONLY to figure out 1 hour later that the guy was the special lasers guy as made so obvious by the fact he packed up his stuff after Saturdays in a box that said "laser fx triangle C" lololol. Sometimes I think it's good to clown for nothing - be humbled!

I saw most of the crew in the soundbooth - the person I was with was trying to spot the Tomlinsons while I was looking for Oli and K and was mentally putting a check on names for the sound and lights guys - priorities! (Blaming Red Rocks for having us go down the rabbit hole of every single member of the crew)

Oh yeah the KMM lights! It was kinda spontaneous? He had a little shy smile like he was telling himself 'look at this lot' and it was soooo adorable. I'm glad I got to be a part of it <3 Which pretty much summarizes this whole show - witnessing a moment in history.

Finally - TANK TOP LOUIS WITH MY OWN 2 EYES!!!!!! And what a tank top!!! #blessed #cantspellslutwithoutlt

Everyone's been saying being a louie is for life and that just keep getting stronger and stronger everytime I get to see him perform! Can't wait for future shows!!!

[jeannefostergoriot]

Peter by Taylor Swift x The Song twins

(It’s Linh about Tam while he was with the Neverseen and she couldn’t contact him, and then when they fight about Rayni in Stellarlune)

« Forgive me, Peter, my lost fearless leader »: Tam protected her all their lives, and now, there’s a wall in-between them, and she probably feels responsible.

« In closets like cedar, preserved from when we were just kids »: saw the explanation it could be a reference to Narnia and I like the idea, like Tam and Linh are now in two different worlds, one in the closet, the other outside, Linh still dreaming another fantasy world, Tam in the war.

« Is it something I did? » when they fight, and Linh is persuaded she’s right, that trusting Rayni isn’t a good idea, and she doesn’t understand why her brother suddenly doesn’t listen to her anymore.

« The goddess of timing, once found us beguiling »: I’m not sure of the mean of beguiling, I’d guess begging, and it’s kinda what they do together. Begging to be acknowledged as twins, begging to be seen, begging to have each other always.

« She said she was trying, Peter was she lying? My ribs get the feeling she did »: timing and destiny won’t grant their request, they have been separated, and now, they don’t have each other’s mind so open and understood.

« And I didn’t wanna come down, I thought it was just goodbye for now »: Linh didn’t want to let Tam go, he had to ask her. And, was it just goodbye? It felt like eternity

« You said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me, said you were gonna grow up, then you were gonna come find me »: Tam’s promise to come back as soon as possible.

« Words from the mouths of babes, promises oceans deep, but never to keep »: the promise to always be there for each other was made when they were just children, oceans deep cause their hearts are big as the ocean, cause Linh is Hydrokinesis. And never to keep cause in the beginning of Stellarlune, we see how they struggle to actually communicate now, be ok.

« Are you still a mind-reader, a natural scene-stealer? » = did you really change with the Neverseen or are you still the brother I know?

« I’ve heard great things, Peter »: she sees him now, but she doesn’t know what she trusts, so she classifies what he says as rumors she heard.

« But life was always easier on you that she was on me »: if she was reading the post, she’d jump and say it’s not true, being a Shade was never easy, and the time with their enemies must’ve been hard too. But deep down, she’s the banished one, she’s the Girl of Floods, and being the one who stayed while he was trying to protect them by working for the Neverseen left a lot of scars.

« And sometimes it gets me, when crossing your jet-stream, we both did the best we could do »: she knows that. But doesn’t fully realize. So it hits her. That’s how things are. That’s what they did. As good as they could.

« Under the same moon in different galaxies »: they are together. Without feeling they are.

« And I didn’t wanna hang around, we said it was just goodbye for now »: Linh isn’t the type to stay pitying herself. She DON’T want to do that. She doesn’t want to hang around waiting for Tam to comeback, but can’t keep herself from it.

« And I won’t confess that I waited, but I let the lamp burn »: Linh being « I won’t say I waited for you. You hurt Keefe. You trust the enemy ». But she still loves her brother. Cause their link is even stronger than her powers.

« As the men masqueraded, I hoped you’d return, with your feet on the ground »: pretty clear, isn’t it? The world’s spinning, she wants her brother.

« Tell me that you’d learned »: Linh is begging Tam to tell her what happens, tell her she’s right

« Cause love’s never lost when perspective is earned »: cause she can not stop loving, and she will bend to see how he sees, but right now, she can’t

« And you said you’d come and get me, but you were twenty-five »: I don’t know for this one I must admit

« And the shelf life of those fantasies has expired, lost to the “Lost Boys” chapter of your life »: something broke, they are on different chapters.

« Forgive me, Peter, please know that I tried to hold on to the days when you were mine »: I’m pretty sure Linh would die trying. She’s not an adult yet.

« But the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light »: she would also try to be « reasonable », but she considers he is her light, or a big part at least

[leiasources]

𝑺𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑻  𝑯𝑶𝑴𝑬  𝑨𝑳𝑨𝑩𝑨𝑴𝑨  𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒.    a  compilation  of  sentence  starters  from  and  inspired  by  the  film  sweet  home  alabama.  potentially  triggering  themes  present.  feel  free  to  adjust  as  necessary  but  do  not  add  to  the  list.  thank  you!

‘ your dream for me was to get out of this place and be somebody... ’

‘ how come it has to be so complicated? the truth, life... this. ’

‘ i mean, who hasn't been embarrassed by their parents at one point or another? ’

‘ are you sure? are you really sure 'cause if you're not sure, we could just go back to the car. ’

‘ well, aren't you just a big, fat liar... ’

‘ what makes you think that you can treat them like something you stepped in in those fancy shoes? ’

‘ oh, what do you want, {name}? i don't even think you know. ’

‘ i'd forgotten how beautiful this place was. ’

‘ you're right. i have changed, i don't even know that person anymore. ’

‘ this certainly is a surprise, hearing from you, you know... you being a busy girl and all. ’

‘ i remember standing there, thinking, 'oh, preacher, hurry up before he changes his mind.' ’

‘ sometimes that man makes me so mad, i could just wring his neck. ’

‘ in my entire life, i have never met anyone so manipulative, so deceitful... ’

‘ oh, come on, it's not like anybody can keep a secret around here... ’

‘ nothing is going to come between me and my protege. ’

‘ no one is going to change my mind about this. not you, not the media, not anyone. ’

‘ that's all that matters to you, isn't it? the money, the labels... you're pathetic. ’

‘ just tell me what i can do to make you happy. ’

‘ i met somebody.. and they're quite a catch... ’

‘ i, um... actually, i was thinking maybe we could have the wedding here, in my hometown.. ’

‘ well, look what the cat dragged in... ’

‘ so, what put you in jail this time? ’

‘ i'm just saying, i saw the way you two were looking at each other. ’

‘ those people are the only family you got. get your butt back in that car, drive over and see them, and then maybe we'll talk. ’

‘ the girl i knew used to be fearless. ’

‘ have you thought about children? ’

‘ you know what? i think you're right. i have had enough. ’

‘ you know i hate surprises. what's going on? ’

‘ you're shitting me, right? ’

‘ will you marry me? ’

‘ you show up here, after years without so much as a 'hey there, {name}, remember me? your wife?' or a, 'hi, honey, lookin' good. how's the family?' ’

‘ it must be exhausting, living a lie... ’

‘ hi, honey! looking good. how's the family? ’

‘ guess we all have our little secrets, don't we? ’

‘ now, {name}, you can't just go breaking into peoples houses. ’

‘ what's going on? where are we? ’

‘ look at you, all fancy, you look like you just stepped out of a magazine. ’

‘ i thought that baby would be an adventure... and it took me a while to realize that would have been your only adventure. ’

‘ please tell me he has a flaw somewhere. ’

‘ it's funny how things don't work out. ’

‘ hot damn, do we miss you around here. ’

‘ nobody finds their soulmate when they're {number} years old. ’

‘ how about another round of drinks for my friends here? ’

‘ oh, i missed you alright, but at this range my aim is bound to improve. ’

‘ i can't believe you're still wearing that same stupid hat. ’

‘ i never meant to hurt you, or anybody else for that matter. ’

‘ if you think i'm going to let some girl talk you into getting married... ’

‘ would you mind terribly if we kept this to ourselves for a few days? ’

‘ i've dealt with an awful lot from you over the years. ’

‘ i thought you said you took care of this. ’

‘ she's not 'some girl', she's my fiancee. ’

‘ you and i are different. we're not better, we're not worse, we're just different. ’

‘ you and i are in love with entirely different people. ’

‘ you show up here and then you insult my friends, acting like you're better than them? ’

‘ what i need to know is if there is a place for me in your future. ’

‘ i was hoping to get an interview with you and your family, and maybe a few pictures, if you don't mind? ’

‘ oh, like you're going places... ’

‘ what are you doing with all that cash? why don't you invest it? ’

‘ when was the last time you pushed me around the dance floor? ’

‘ i think i had enough fun for one night. ’

‘ get out of here before you make me cry. ’

‘ don't get me started on the things that i don't understand. ’

‘ you can't believe everything you hear on tv. ’

‘ you owe me a dance. ’

‘ i'm happy in {location} but then i come down here and this fits too. ’

‘ oh, sweetie, you look tired. are you tired? ’

‘ i mean, how do you people live like this anyway? ’

‘ hold on, what are you doing with all that cash saved up? ’

‘ you are just like your father. ’

‘ no, not 'like old times', alright? times have changed. ’

‘ why didn't you tell me you came to {location}? ’

‘ all of a sudden i just... i needed a different life. ’

‘ this is one of those disasters waiting to happen. you know, one of those big ones that only cockroaches survive. ’

‘ look at you, always the belle of the ball. ’

‘ i didn't break in. i used a key, my key. ’

‘ did you know that there's a great, big world out there and it has absolutely nothing to do with marriage, or children, or... ’

‘ you ever wonder what would have happened if we hadn't gotten pregnant? ’

‘ i'll see you at the show. it's going to be great. ’

‘ he can give you a life that you and i only ever dreamed of and he adores you. ’

‘ there is a wedding in your future whether you like it or not. ’

‘ god, i can't wait to see the look on my mother's face... ’

‘ i hesitated long enough to realize that my head and my heart were saying two different things. ’

‘ look at you... you have a baby. in a bar. ’

‘ we were wondering when we were going to see you. ’

‘ you're doing the right thing. ’

‘ you shouldn't want to marry me. ’

‘ i love you, i love you, i love you... ’

‘ you're not doing anything illegal, are you, {name}? ’

‘ i don't know what else to say... but i'm sorry... ’

‘ oh god, what if they hate me? ’

‘ when everything went pear-shaped, you never left my side, and then i just left you. ’

‘ hell, i bet your folks don't even know you're in town. ’

‘ there's nothing i can do, the law is the law, and she has done nothing wrong. ’

‘ you are one hard woman to get in touch with. ’

‘ oh my god, you're engaged?! ’

‘ is that what you want? to be humiliated in front of all of your friends? ’

‘ i can't marry you. ’

‘ at least i'm doing something with my life. ’

‘ this is just as you described it. it must have been amazing, huh? growing up here? ’

‘ {name}? is that you? it's so late, are you alright? ’

‘ you can't just leave. ’

‘ holy shit, what happened to the stove? oh, and where are the magnets i had on the refrigerator? ’

‘ you know nothing about her. are you sure you even know who she is? ’

‘ one man for the rest of my life? i'd ball my eyes out. ’

‘ what the hell are you two trying to do? get yourselves killed? ’

‘ that accent of yours is a whole lot thicker when you're sleeping. ’

‘ i came out here to say thank you. ’

‘ what you are doing? ’  /  ‘ leaving. you've done it, you should recognize the gesture. ’

‘ you didn't need to call, just come by. ’

‘ why do i feel like i'm in the middle of times square buck naked? ’

‘ why would you want to marry me for anyhow? ’

‘ i thought you would be gone. ’

‘ i got to get home. my mom's going to kill me. ’

‘ i really don't care what happened... so you have a past. who doesn't? ’

‘ for somebody who's been holding onto something so hard, you're pretty quick to let it go. ’

‘ are you in town for awhile? ’

‘ i better back off. don't want to get you in trouble with the little lady. ’

‘ it's not like that. ’

‘ i, um... i tried to call you a couple of times... ’

‘ don't i get a smile? i know you got one in there somewhere. ’

‘ see, the truth is i gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and i never really got it back. ’

‘ i don't know who you are or what else you lied about... ’

‘ you don't remember me, do you? ’

‘ i guess i figured if i was pointing at you then nobody would see through me. ’

‘ what upsets me is that she lied to you. ’

‘ you've done real well for yourself. i'm proud of you, {name}. ’

‘ who could be calling at this hour? ’

‘ i would have come sooner if i'd known you were sick. ’

‘ i'm your friend and i have to read about it with twelve million other people! ’

‘ you two got a whole lot of catching up to do so i'm just going to leave you to it.’

‘ i just thought i'd surprise you.’

‘ this isn't who i am anymore. ’

‘ could we try to keep this as civilized as possible? ’

‘ nice to see you got your accent back. ’

‘ you're the first person i ever kissed, {name}, and i want you to be the last. ’

‘ maybe you and i had our chance. ’

‘ you can take the girl out of the honky-tonk but you can't take the honky-tonk out of the girl. ’

‘ i'll tell you what it's not like... it's not like they're the only one around here that you ran out on. ’

‘ at least i fight for what i want. ’

‘ you called the sherrif? you know that old bastard hates me! ’

‘ bring that pretty face over here and gimme a hug. ’

‘ i bet you sat there wondering what you did wrong. ’

‘ you looked like you were having fun out there tonight. ’

‘ you remember that vandalism incident out at the stockyard? totally her. ’

‘ did you cry? ’

‘ next time you lock somebody out, make sure they don't know where the spare key is hidden. ’

‘ don't even pretend you spent all this time missing me. ’

‘ what did i ever do to you? ’

‘ i've been planning this for weeks... ’

‘ at the risk of being rejected twice, i'm going to ask you again... will you marry me? ’

‘ you expect me to tell you you look good? what, did they run out of soap down at the piggly wiggly since i left? ’

‘ see, that's the thing. i'm not really a 'watch and see' kind of girl. ’

‘ 'no,' you won't answer or 'no,' you won't marry me? ’

‘ you know, i've really made something of myself, i have a career, people actually want to be me... and somebody loves me and i love them. ’

‘ i just think that you deserve better. that's all. ’

‘ you know, i've never actually understood that expression, but no i'm not 'shitting' you. ’

‘ i don't have a single childhood memory that doesn't have you in it. ’

‘ don't see the likes of you around these here parts much. ’

‘ so, have you made a decision? ’

‘ you get a second chance so please don't mess it up. ’

‘ i haven't seen my folks in years and i feel like this is something i should tell them in person. ’

‘ i don't ask you about your boyfriend. you keep your nose out of my life. deal? ’

‘ i am better than them! ’

‘ i'm sorry about what i said. i'm really sorry. ’

‘ since when does it have to be one or the other? you can have roots and wings. ’

‘ you don't want to marry me. ’

[teyamsatan]

ok andra we need to talk ab this snow white remake.

i just cant with it like i already dont want to watch it

i think her name is rachel zegler but just from the interviews its already ruined it for me

like sure i guess its good that she isnt going to be saved by a man but like snow white is such an iconic timeless story. like idk if im right ab this but shes the first disney princess? i swear i read that somewhere and she said in an interview how snow white is outdated and thats why they changed the plotline but how can it be out dated when the majority of disney princess movies have that same story line. even the ones that were made recently like anna in frozen which wasnt that recent but in the last decade

like its reminding me of tthis tiktok i saw and it was ab taylor changing the lyrics to better than revengein fearless TV and the captions were something like “taylor sometimes we like a little misogyny. please change the lyrics back” (im still bitter about that lyric change 😤😤😤) but back to snow white… i want prince charming. and also the 7 dwarfs arent even inclusive to people with dwarfism. im so bitter.

but i loved the little mermaid

no cause it's honestly made my blood boil hhahaahahh. these people live under the impression that "feminism" is a one sided affair in which only the women that are "independent girl bosses" are worthy of being represented on film, and it is honestly sad and pathetic to watch unfold. it is such a detriment to allow ourselves to succumb to a 2 dimensional, restrictive, constricted version of ourselves, and to not allow little kids to believe or to ever want or strive for anything other than "the bag". BABE, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING LOVE. there's nothing anti-feminist or weak about not being about that life. feminism is about choice, it's about allowing yourself to be the best and most authentic version of yourself. there is nothing authentic about yet ANOTHER movie about some surface level, shallow "strong" female character. they're all the same and they all SUCK - captain marvel, she-hulk, the new mulan, the new show white etc etc etc (notice the disney theme?)

in the wise words of meg march "just because my dreams are different than yours, doesn't mean they are unimportant."

[winterrhayle]

Ive been watching you and Bea go back and forth making each other rank Taylor albums and Im going to miss it SO MUCH Could you two rank the taylor swift tour videos please? I love looking at you guys' takes on things (even if yours are just complimenting every song and Bea is the one who knows how to actually criticise things 💀) love you guys <3 - an anonymous observer😉💗

TYSM :((((( SOBBING LY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @deprivedmusicaljunkie look we've been percieved ! anon ur slight diss at me for not being able to criticise things is KILLING ME HAHAHHAHAHA (ur right though)

okayy heres my tour ranking (note that there isnt an official tour video for red OR eras so this probs affects my ranking,,, more for red than eras bc i see eras content every single day online anyway)

speak now world tour - okay i may be biased because this is my favourite album,, but even if it wasnt this would be her best tour (in my opinion),, i feel like in her old concerts she was so theatrical, and parts of it kinda looked like a full broadway production,, also the iconic elements like the lyrics on the arm, also shout out to the live album recording of this bc i listen to it soooo much and its amazing and perfect and show stopping etc etc im literally gonna list a bunch of iconic moments right here: THE HAUNTED BELL, the fireworks during dear john, the koi fish guitar with the light up tree, the gold fringe dress (DROP EVERYTHING NOW) the ballgown, just the wholle thing is the best thing i have ever seen

eras tour - this tour actually is killing me with all of the nostalgia watching her sing through and acknowledge all of her old albums and past selves (except debut, rip😔). and i especially love all of the details from past concerts she has (like the fearless spins, the sparkly & koi guitars, the over head hand heart) and also the new visuals for existing tours (like the old taylors in glass cages for rep) AND the visuals for the albums that hadnt been toured before (lover, folklore, evermore, midnights) i just think that she really did her albums justice (again, apart from debut☠️) and its insane that the show is so long 3+ hours

reputation stadium tour - karyn the snake is the coolest thing ive ever seen. also the ready for it intro with the hooded bodysuit outfit is ICONIC,,, i love the choreo on this tour, like the part of i did something bad where taylor gets lifted up like a cheerleader (AHHHHHH) and i love the quiet long live / new years day moment on the piano,, its so nice

the red tour - like i said before, there isnt a tour movie for this one so i dont know as much about it, but i loveeee how fun it is, i love the ringleader outift and circus theme for the closing song, we are never ever getting back toghether (my favourite part of the show) and i love the unnecessary hairflips during all too well😭

the 1989 world tour - this tour feels like her biggest one (even though it isnt), its like the most pop artist thing ever, its less theatre-production like than any of her other tours and it feels less personal? that being said its obviously very iconic, im forever obsessed with the wildest dreams/enchanted mashup, and that one out of the woods bodysuit that she only wore once for some reason, + the FOREVER iconic rock version of wanegbt BUT THE WAY THE TOUR MOVIE IS EDITED IS SOOOO ANNOYING LIKE IT SWITCHES TO A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE EVERY 2 SECONDS😭 anyway i really do appreciate this tour bc taylor really did give it everything she had, and looking at the miss americana documentary, u can tell it was really hard to have put on that show with what she was going through

fearless tour - this is ranked last but i actually really like this one, its cute. her vocals werent as good as they are currently but idc because this show was so funny,, it had the iconicccc throwing of the red chairs in forever & always and shoudlve said no in the rain!!!!!!!!

[tayfabe75]

I love your thoughtful opinions on things! It would be great to read some more of your thoughts. 

What do you think happened with the collab, do you think the reason was only because of the hate? And do you think they might release it anytime soon? I mean, it's no secret anymore that it exists, and now a lot of people really want to hear it, like there is the logic in just releasing it now.

And what do you think about Matty's verse? I read that people think his lyrics are terrible, but I really liked them, I think it matches the vibe of the song. And "then she called me a gentleman" will haunt me forever 😭

Sorry if this was too many questions 😅 these two just live rent free in my head 

Hi anon! Oh, trust me, these two live rent-free in my head, too. Or, perhaps I should say that the Fearless Love Gaze™ acted as an advance rent payment for some indefinite period. Probably a while. Also, never too many questions! I love answering questions.

When it comes to speculation, I live in a very weird nebulous state where I can see several different viable realities at once. Before I give my opinions I want to preface a little bit…

I don't base any of my opinions or speculation on gossip sites (including longtime assumptions regarding who this or that song is about - you'd be shocked easy many are to debunk, actually). I mostly speculate based on lyrics first and foremost, things that I can prove Taylor or Matty have said or done (with the understanding that they are also unreliable narrators when necessary, as 'Dear Reader' suggests). That said:

What I think happened with the collab:

My best "inside-the-box" guess about what happened with the collab was what I stated previously, but the "cliffs notes" version is that it seems most likely to me that Matty would have requested to pull the collaboration because of the hate campaign against him. As the lead singer of The 1975, he's something of a spearhead or mouthpiece for their band and tour, and dating Taylor put him at the center of our current cultural Panopticon. They might've broken up, gone on break, or distanced themselves from each other for optics.

However, I prefer my best "outside-the-box" guess: Taylor and Matty never broke up. They just want us to think that they did. In actuality, they are proud partners in crime currently writing their Kayfabian 'Love Story' (with the help of Brad Troemel and I would wager to guess, many others). They're pulling a Robbers-style heist on the media and celebrity culture as we know it, and they have us right where they want us: engaging in discourse about the collab.

What I think might happen with the collab:

If my first guess is accurate - Probably nothing will ever come of it. I personally hate this scenario, and not even because I don't get to hear the collab of my dreams, but because then it means the hate mob won. Taylor is about as close as Americans get to having royalty, and I guess that means she's what, beholden to medieval values of her many subjects (fans)? Look at how they rejoice in this strange cultural alliance with the NFL that came as a result of a 'betrothal' to the All-American football Prince. However, the video for Bejeweled mocks this idea. Alexa, play Lavender Haze!

The only kinda girl they see is a one night or a wife I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say. No deal, the 1950s shit they want from me

Meanwhile, Taylor has likened herself to Juliet since at least 2007/8. The entire point of writing 'Love Story' was to change the ending so Romeo and Juliet could be together.

In this scenario, we probably will get the collaboration! When? Whew, well…

Disclaimer: Wild speculation ahead!

As I've said, "Slut!" feels cyclical to me. In 2014, Taylor described herself as being a "lightning rod for slut-shaming" and she's been quoted as saying, "People often greatly underestimate how much I will inconvenience myself to prove a point." I get the sense that she could coax the world into slut-shaming her more overtly (just after they all streamed the hell out of "Slut!", how poetic that would be!), as right now the public is very interested in this whole "betrothal" storyline going on with a certain football star. The world, so it believes, took away her "bad bad boy shiny toy with a price" and if "Slut!" is any indication, she still wants it: "we'll pay the price, I guess"

That would be he perfect time to drop the rumored music video to accompany it (especially if say, they happen to have some kind of archival footage from 2014).

Again, this is all under the assumption that this is all an elaborate Kayfabian ruse. Let the fans choose her Kens and "play Barbies" until she burns down the dollhouse… While this sounds perhaps callous on its surface (especially for supporters of her current pairing) but… she already told us: This is why we can't have nice things.

But Mark my words: Taylor choosing Matty over a beloved "Chad" in such an overt way could be the catalyst for the cultural reset we desperately need. But that's a different tangent… back to "Slut!"

My thoughts on Matty's (alleged) verse:

I am going to take a wild guess and assume you saw people making fun of the lyrics on Twitter, aka the place where all benefit of the doubt goes to die. What people who simply read the lyrics and judge them to be "bad" are missing is… the melody! Matty's verse is longer than its replacement by one line, but you can kind of sing along with Taylor's second verse, let me try to help by putting them side-by-side with Taylor's lines:

Lights blink // Send the losing // code, he's my mind // waiting What // there we think // the sticks happens // and stones to rhyme // they throw I // Froze drink, drink // mid-air Fortune timing // Everyone's wants him Days shrink into long nights now // that was my crime (sing fast!) Plus 44 // the wrong place on an American phone // at the right time Cat eye // and I running down // break down her cheekbone // then he's But it's elegant // pullin' me in (sing fast!) I tell her, "You are not a slut, // in a world of boys You're just relevant" // he's a gentleman

It's also hard to judge the lyrics without hearing how Matty would sing them, right? Like go ahead and make fun of the 'relevant' line if you must, but I bet his inflection is what makes it.

So, are the lyrics "good"? Well, here's what I will say: it's much easier to criticize someone else's art than to share your own. Regardless of whether or not Matty did pen these lines, gotta admit, I like them (especially correctly paired with the melody). They seem specific to the point that they are likely inside jokes that only Tatty would fully understand, particularly the word most often criticized: "relevant", which I think Matty gave a clever nod to on Chicken Shop Date.

Apart from that, these 'new' lyrics feel Tatty-coded in that they might be self-referential. Considering most people still don't believe 'About You' is actually about Taylor (despite Matty heavily insinuating that it is on multiple occasions, for instance: 1, 2, 3), I won't even bother going into possible parallels…

Anyway, even before the alleged "leak", I felt quite confident that this song was about him (and that The 1975 were always meant to feature on 1989). The "leak" did nothing but validate my suspicions.

[bizarrequazar]

GJ and ZZH Updates — October 30-November 5

<<< previous week || all posts || following week >>>

This is part of a weekly series collecting updates from and relating to Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan.

This post is not wholly comprehensive and is intended as an overview, links provided lead to further details. Dates are in accordance with China Standard Time, the organization is chronological. My own biases on some things are reflected here. Anything I include that is not concretely known is indicated as such, and you’re welcome to do your own research and draw your own conclusions as you see fit. Please let me know if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or additions. :)

[Glossary of names and terms] [Masterlist of my posts about the situation with Zhang Zhehan]

10-30 → MarrsGreen posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun. The caption includes, “the starlight is gorgeous.”

→ VogueFilm posted their interview with Gong Jun discussing “Hello, Hello”. During one part, he said, “I have never forgotten my original intentions.” [full translation] 

→ 361° put up a shoe listing on their Taobao using a model who looks strikingly similar to Zhang Zhehan. There’s even one photo where he’s wearing a bucket hat. Photos: [1] [2] Fan Observation: Many think it’s likely shade towards the Instagram, in a sort of “look, we can find a lookalike too” way. Instagram believers were pissed about it.

→ Addition 11-08: The Roving Inspection Team Weibo account was unmuted after six months. It reposted something by Peng Lihu a few days later, unfortunately confirming suspicions that he is the one behind it.

→ Colgate posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

10-31 → Gong Jun posted a promotional video for LockNLock, later reposted by LockNLock.

→ MarrsGreen posted a promotional video spoken by Gong Jun.

→ Tangle Teezer posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

→ Gong Jun posted the music video for his new song More Youthful With Ideal. Caption: “The ideal guides our direction, soar bravely together, and let the youth ignite!” His studio reposted it with the added caption, “Fearless to pursue dreams and work hard to move forward without fear of challenges and never forget the original intention. Listen to boss @ Gong Jun Simon use his singing to convey strength, live up to the youth and live up to the times!”

→ Kangshifu posted three photo ads featuring Gong Jun.

→ Lexus unfollowed both the super3 Instagram and the brand’s Instagram.

→ Gong Jun reposted a trailer from Qiao Xin, his co-star from Dream Garden, for her new drama Winter Night. His added caption: “I heard that Zheng Daqian is going to start ‘making big money’ tonight?”

→ Seven government departments put out a request for opinions about increasing regulation on stars and their sponsors, including preventing immoral artists from being spokespersons. CAPA responded in favour. A reminder that Zhang Zhehan has only been called an immoral artist by CAPA, not any government agencies.

→ Fox Spirit Matchmaker officially wrapped filming, though a few modern scenes still had yet to be filmed.

→ Colgate posted a video of behind the scenes footage from a commercial featuring Gong Jun. They later posted three photo ads in quick succession. [1] [2] [3]

→ LockNLock posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

→ Fresh posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

→ Hsu Fu Chi posted a photo ad featuring Gon Jun.

→ The Instagram posted a photo of a man in a Batman mask.

11-01 → Gong Jun’s studio posted his schedule for the month: brand livestreams on 11-01 and 11-02, birthday on 11-29. Caption: “In late autumn, in the traces of winter, boss @ Gong Jun Simon's November itinerary has arrived. Special reminder: add clothes in season, pay attention to keep warm!” [quoted translation] BGM is What Other Heart by Mac DeMarco.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted the photos used in the schedule video. Caption: “It’s here it’s here” Fan Observations:  -  These were taken on the day of the Hogan livestream.  -  He’s doing the Tenet hand gesture in them.  -  This is the third post in a month by him or his studio to use the caption “来了来了”.

→ Colgate posted a photo ad promoting the livestream held later that day.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted four photos of him taking selfies. (1129 kadian) Caption: “Hello dear passengers, the #Gong Jun's very wonderful November# time train has officially departed and arrived at the first station ahead. 「Train conductor @ Gong Jun Simon raised his mobile phone with one hand and put the other in his pocket coolly, quickly getting a super handsome selfie」, all passengers, please take a seat and hold on, the next stop is about to arrive at _______.” Fan Observation: These photos are possibly from 2021. Case in point:  -  The shirt he’s wearing has the text “Come and try our tunnel of love, tickets for two” on the back. He previously wore it on 2021-07-28; on the same day, Zhang Zhehan’s ads for Lanvin Qixi products were teased.  -  The red phone case looks to be the one he used last year. All photos from this year where his phone is visible either have a clear case or none at all.

→ 361° posted a teaser video for an upcoming samoyed themed collection in partnership with Gong Jun.

→ L’Oreal posted a photo ad for their livestream with Gong Jun later that day.

→ Gong Jun posted the same photo ad for the L’Oreal livestream. (14:20, 520 (”love you”) kadian) Caption: “I heard that I can't hide my identity as a soul painter. Let's take an art class with you on Double Eleven! Search L'Oreal's official flagship store, see my wonderful brushwork, and transform into a lot of surprises and gifts!” Fan Observation: A reach with kadians: the two earliest posts by his studio were at 10:00 and 10:30 → 1+1+3=5 → 51129 520 for these four posts altogether.

→ Gong Jun appeared in a livestream for L’Oreal. [full recording (no subs)] [summary with clips]  -  He said there’s a surprise for his birthday month.   -  There was the suggestion of doing a giveaway for a drawing Gong Jun did, but the producer disallowed it because it would mean having to read the winner’s username aloud. Gong Jun briefly tried to insist they should. (Context: There was an incident on 2021-06-10 (also a L’Oreal livestream lol) where someone with the username “Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan’s fan” won a giveaway; Gong Jun insisted that the host read it properly after she skipped over Zhang Zhehan’s name. [clip] Later during the same livestream, the producer had them stop reading winner’s names after multiple ones with CPF terms were read, and Gong Jun was visibly annoyed for a few minutes.)  -  At the end, he thanked “fans and friends”. Fan Observation: The glasses that he made a point of putting on at the start look quite similar to ones Zhang Zhehan wore on 2021-07-29.

→ Hsu Fu Chi posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun promoting their livestream the following day.

→ Gong Jun appeared in a livestream for Colgate. At the end, he thanked “my fans, [and] my junweixians”. [full recording (no subs)] [summary with clips] Fan Observations: A joke he told was previously mentioned by the host of one of Zhang Zhehan’s livestreams on 2021-06-20.

11-02 → CAPA bought the hotsearch #CAPA reminds entertainers to regulate their endorsement behaviour#, putting it at #12 under the entertainment hotsearch.

→ Colgate posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

→ Gong Jun posted a commercial teasing the new product line with 361°. (1129 kadian) Caption: “Life goes on and on, and love has traces to follow. Let go of the fatigue of life and liberate yourself in nature! If you love it, let's go wild together!”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted three photos of him in recording booths. (1129 kadian) Caption: “Dear Passengers, the #Gong Jun's very wonderful November# time train has now arrived at the 2nd station 「On the way to the music, the train conductor @ Gong Jun Simon had many friendly exchanges with his microphone, brave and firm」, all passengers, please sit tight and hold on, the station ahead is _______.” Fan Observations: The center photo was taken at the same time as an almost identical one he posted on 2021-11-24. Caption for that was “Your little ears have ‘ear blessings’ again! [six husky emojis]”.

→ 361° posted the same commercial, also announcing a livestream on 11-10 (19:30). Caption: “Go to love with 361° global brand spokesperson @ Gong Jun Simon, meet a better version of yourself. Life goes on and on, love has traces to follow.” They also changed their Weibo header to a promotional photo for the new line.

→ MUJOSH posted the glasses that Gong Jun wore for the L’Oreal livestream. Caption: “Heard that you were all looking for these glasses after watching the live broadcast?”

→ Possible hexagon ring sighting in his breast pocket in paparazzi photos of him going to the venue.

→ 361° posted two photo ads featuring Gong Jun.

→ Gong Jun appeared in a livestream for Hsu Fu Chi. The vast majority of people watching were junweixian, very few CPFs. [full recording (no subs)] [summary with clips] (Context: Hsu Fu Chi endorsed Zhang Zhehan prior to 813, but were the most ruthless of his brands in the termination of their endorsement during 813 and in the months following. Gong Jun was already contracted to endorse them next, but has only done the bare minimum as their spokesperson, on two occassions blatantly leaving them out when mentioning his endorsements. If you look at photo ads, you may have noticed they’ve been using the same photos of him all year.)  -  He drew a Tangle Teezer during a drawing segment, and he also at one point mentioned BEAST.  -  He ate some of the chewy candy while the host was talking and when the host asked him if he needed a drink, he stepped off camera for a moment, grabbed his LockNLock thermos, and drank from it for a solid five seconds on camera. [clip] Usually if a spokesperson needs a drink during a livestream, they’re given an unmarked paper cup.  -  Otherwise, he was very professional and positive.  -  He sang a few lines from Bitter Gourd by Eason Chan, saying he’s been listening to it a lot recently. When the song is shared on QQ Music, a (different) AMV of Kimi no Na wa plays. Just in case we missed it last week, I guess.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a douyin of behind the scenes footage from a photoshoot that day. BGM is 隆里电丝 by 盛宇DamnShine. [lyrics] Fan Observation: The song includes a spoken part at the beginning with the lines, “Some people will become your friends / or your soulmate (知己). / Some people will fight with you to the end / as long as you’re happy (开心就好).”

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted nine photos of him from the photoshoot. Caption: “Blue and white interlaced black and white, walking through the moving night. Capture today's boss @ Gong Jun Simon's ‘R&B style’~”

11-03 → Yu Zheng, the producer Zhang Zhehan worked under until 2018, responded to an anti asking about the drama Zhao Ge never being released. Yu Zheng blamed Zhang Zhehan for it, saying that it caused him to lose money and he can’t edit Zhang Zhehan’s face out with AI due to the cost. The drama filmed in 2017 and never aired because the script that Yu Zheng wrote himseld didn’t pass censorship, it had nothing to do with Zhang Zhehan. By the way, Yu Zheng has had multiple plagarism and defamation lawsuits filed against him, and filming Zhao Ge was the reason Zhang Zhehan’s knee didn’t heal properly.

→ Gong Jun’s studio posted a photo of him petting a samoyed, taken on the same day (estimated to be early to mid June) as photos he posted posted on 10-04 from his trip while filming Guardian of the Alpine Plants. (1129 kadian) Caption: “Dear passengers, the #Gong Jun’s very wonderful November# time train has arrived at the 3rd station 「The train conductor @ Gong Jun Simon wants to take a photo with Xiugou, but he [the dog] just wanted to find a toy ball, and left without turning back」, all passengers, please sit tight and hold on, the station ahead is _______.”

→ Tangle Teezer posted two photo ads featuring Gong Jun. (1129 kadian)

→ Colgate posted a promotional video spoken by Gong Jun.

→ The host from the L’Oreal livestream posted six photos of himself and Gong Jun.

→ The final filming for Fox Spirit Matchmaker was completed.  Fan Observation: The child actor present for the filming is the same one who played Zhen Yan in Word of Honor.

→ 361° posted three photo ads [here] [here] and [here] featuring Gong Jun with a samoyed.

→ Kangshifu posted three photo ads featuring Gong Jun.

→ Colgate posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

11-04 → Gong Jun’s studio posted three photos of him from the filming of the Louis Vuitton watch commercial released on 01-15. (1129 kadian) Caption: “Dear passengers, the #Gong Jun's very wonderful November# time train has now arrived at the 4th station 「The monitor recorded the train conductor @ Gong Jun Simon under the sunset, while waiting for the signal light, the elongated figure is also lost in thought」, all passengers, please sit tight and hold on. The station ahead is _______.”

→ Kangshifu posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

→ 361° posted a short Q&A video with Gong Jun. [subbed video]

11-05 → Gong Jun’s studio posted a photo from the L’OFFICIEL shoot released on 05-23. (1129 kadian, 51129 with the date) Caption: “Dear passengers, the #Gong Jun's very wonderful November# The time train has now arrived at the 5th station 「a three-dimensional sketch portrait of the conductor @ Gong Jun Simon, relaxed and powerful」, all passengers please sit tight and hold on, the station ahead is _______.” Fan Observation: The published photo most similar to this one was on page 115 of the magazine.

→ The Instagram posted nine photos of “Zhang Zhehan” with white hair in front of a windmill. Addition 11-08: [Here] is a debunk on these.

→ Colgate posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

→ The Instagram posted six more photos of “Zhang Zhehan”.

Additional Reading: → N/A

<<< previous week || all posts || following week >>>

This post was last edited 2022-11-08.

[escapadeist]

heres some questions! what (and WHY) are your fav red tv songs? DID U see those clue compilation videos that say speak now is next? do u think SOFT ts era will come back? lastly are you BLOCKing the tumblr bots or just ignoring them (unlike ME)

So this is just a regular update ask. It's one of those.

1. My favourites on Red TV are -

Forever Winter - the theme of suicide and someone being so close to their breaking point, and u not knowing what to do other than love them when they can't love themselves, it just spoke to me. I have been difficult to love, still am *cool gal finger guns* so ik how it must be on the receiving end of it. Also, reminded me of this other very famous song called How To Save A Life by The Fray

Better Man - Have always loved it, heard it back when it was sung by Little Big Town, then heard the Bluebird cafe version where Taylor sang it live for the first time (fuck Scott Borschetta for ruining that video with his "commentary") and then ofcourse this Red Tv version just blew me away. Again, the idea of leaving because something got so beyond toxic, for your own sake, is something i relate to, all too well.. Plus, u should really watch the Little Big Town mv, it has got some pleasing visuals.

and ofcourse All Too Well 10 Min version (yay for the grammy win!)... What do i say about this song that's already not been said? I loved the choice of actors for the short film, Sadie is such a sweetheart and Dylan was and still is very mmm... I think this being her intro to proper directing will eventually lead us to some even more beautiful adventures. She has always been a storyteller, right from Speak Now World Tour cinematics, to Fearless' Love Story to 1989's Wildest Dreams. I just love how she can single-handedly create this entire universe of a myriad of niche storylines that are like a secret between her and her fans. All Too Well was my fav ever since i first heard it, albeit that was quite late.. but oh well... I guess time wouldn't fly and I stood there just paralysed by it.

2. Which clue compilation vids? I just saw the hints and easter eggs related to all the mvs of Midnights. Lavender Haze has some clues as well, and so did Bejeweled.

3. By Soft TS era if u mean her Folklore Evermore style, I certainly hope so. I loved those styles. Although i highly doubt it. She's prepping for the gianormous Eras tour right now, so i highly doubt any other styles will be seen. Although she's staying true to Midnights era, if her Grammy's dress is any indication. (Hey, isn't it cool the dress icon 👗 is the same colour as her outfit?)

4. Ignored the first few. Noticed that post-blocking, they have now reduced in number. Although i believe they can read this so egffhhjikrsssfgg... (IYKWIM ;)) n i knew you wouldn't block em. I think you're the one spawning them, aren't u? They are your mini-Satans, admit it!

[midnighthangintree]

Eras Tour Setlist and Surprise Songs (as of May 5, 2023)

I figured with this weekend being Nashville I should update this month old post. 

Taylor Swift

Tim McGraw - March 17

Picture to Burn

Teardrops on My Guitar

A Place in this World - April 22

Cold as You - April 23

The Outside

Tied Together with a Smile

Stay Beautiful

Should’ve Said No

Mary’s Song

Our Song - March 24

I’m Only Me When I’m with You

Invisible

A Perfectly Good Heart

Fearless (Taylor’s Version)

Fearless

Fifteen

Love Story

Hey Stephen

White Horse -  March 25

You Belong With Me

Breathe (feat. Colbie Callait)

Tell Me Why

You’re Not Sorry - April 21

The Way I Loved You

Forever & Always

The Best Day

Change

Jump Then Fall - April 2

Untouchable

Forever & Always (Piano Version)

Come In with the Rain

Superstar

The Other Side of the Door - April 28

Today Was a Fairytale - April 22

You All Over Me (feat. Maureen Morris)

Mr. Perfectly Fine

We Were Happy

That’s When (feat. Keith Urban)

Don’t You

Bye Bye Baby

Speak Now

Mine

Sparks Fly

Back to December

Speak Now - April 13

Dear John

Mean - April 15

The Story of Us

Never Grow Up

Enchanted

Better than Revenge

Innocent

Haunted

Last Kiss

Long Live

Ours - March 31

If This Was a Movie

Superman

Red (Taylor’s Version)

State of Grace - March 18

Red

Treacherous - April 13

I Knew You Were Trouble

22

I Almost Do

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Stay Stay Stay

The Last Time (featuring Gary Lightbody of Snow Patrol)

Holy Ground

Sad Beautiful Tragic - March 31

The Lucky One - April 2

Everything Has Changed (featuring Ed Sheeran)

Starlight

Begin Again - April 23

The Moment I Knew

Come Back… Be Here

Girl at Home

Ronan

Better Man

Nothing New (featuring Phoebe Bridgers)

Babe

Message in a Bottle

I Bet You Think About Me (featuring Chris Stapleton) - April 30

Forever Winter

Run (featuring Ed Sheeran)

The Very First Night

All Too Well (10 Minute Version)

1989

Welcome to New York

Blank Space

Style

Out of the Woods

All You Had to Do Was Stay

Shake It Off

I Wish You Would

Bad Blood

Wildest Dreams

How You Get the Girl - April 30

This Love

I Know Places

Clean - April 1

Wonderland - April 21

You Are in Love

New Romantics

Reputation

…Ready for It?

End Game (featuring Ed Sheeran and Future)

I Did Something Bad

Don’t Blame Me

Delicate

Look What You Made Me Do

So It Goes…

Gorgeous - April 29

Getaway Car

King of My Heart

Dancing with Our Hands Tied

Dress

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Call It What You Want

New Year’s Day

Lover

Forgot That You Existed

Cruel Summer

Lover

The Man

The Archer

I Think He Knows

Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince

Paper Rings

Cornelia Street

Death by a Thousand Cuts - April 1

London Boy

Soon You’ll Get Better (featuring The Chicks)

False God

You Need to Calm Down

Afterglow

Me! (feat. Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco)

It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Daylight

Folklore

The 1 (era opener as of 3/31)

Cardigan

The Last Great American Dynasty

Exile (featuring Bon Iver)

My Tears Ricochet

Mirrorball - March 17

Seven (spoken)

August

This Is Me Trying - March 18

Illicit Affairs

Invisible String

Mad Woman - April 15

Epiphany

Betty

Peace

Hoax

The Lakes

Evermore

Willow

Champagne Problems

Gold Rush

‘Tis the Damn Season

Tolerate It

No Body, No Crime (feat. Haim)

Happiness

Dorothea

Coney Island (feat. the National) - April 28

Ivy

Cowboy Like Me - March 25 (with special guest Marcus Mumford)

Long Story Short

Marjorie

Closure

Evermore (feat. Bon Iver)

Right Where You Left Me

It’s Time to Go

Midnights

Lavender Haze

Maroon

Anti-Hero

Snow on the Beach (feat. Lana Del Rey) - March 24

You’re on Your Own, Kid - April 14

Midnight Rain

Question…?

Vigilante Shit

Bejeweled

Labyrinth

Karma

Sweet Nothing

Mastermind

The Great War - April 14

Bigger Than the Whole Sky

Paris

High Infidelity - April 29

Glitch

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

Dear Reader

Hits Different

[noro-noro-noro]

had neat dreams but literally only remember some parts

1. i’m a serial killer & this girl who has a crush on me is tracking me down 2. 3 heavenly sisters vs the tower of hell  3. cyborg me eats a bomb at the president’s children’s soccer game

- there was some blond girl hunting down a serial killer whose tag was The Wolf. she was in every online forum & stuff but she kept her identity well hidden. fortunately as the omniescent god of all my dreams, I can sometimes bend reality to my will so I knew her :)

- there was also a girl who looked like roxanne Ritchie from megamind who waa also somehow involved? the dream's c plot or something idk it kept cutting back to her arguing with her ex boyfriend bc it was a breakup on mediocre terms & they both kinda wanted to get back together but they were too proud. I remember she specifically mocked something he said.

- anyway with my omniescent dream powers I realized that girl wasn't some kind of junior vigilante she just had a huge crush on the wolf. good for me :) so when I saw someone offering to meet her in the front of my friend's boyfriend's new job place (a combination bubble tea and clothing store that he lived in the back of) I decided to kill that second person and meet her instead. the second person was always carrying around a little cloth lacy umbrella as an accessory. it was cute so I took it.

- anyway I saw her immediately & came up behind her & said "so you're the little cutie that's been looking for me" & cornered her in the store. she looked really 😳😳 about it, but she was also carrying a gun. I thought it would be easy to hit the gun out of her holster before she could react bc I wanted to keep teasing her , but my friend's bf came over bc he thought I was being threatened by some weirdo with a gun. appreciated that. we all ended up getting bubble tea. i jokes about poisoning hers & she went 😳😳😳 again. girl stop idolizing serial killers lol

next

- from heaven ? or some other sacred place there are 3 sisters & also some generals. we are going to be under attack soon. we're in a place thate above some clouds. unknown to everyone else the middle sister is in constant close contact with Real Mother, who has her own schemes. through the power of real mother middle sister is able to do weird shit, like las time we sent our forces to combst the hellish tower as soon as she had line of sight with the enemy she teleported into his body & did something & he was fuckinf gone except for his eyeballs, which she walked out of the tower holding.

- the younger sister's mortal vessel had been killed last time so she was in a child's body. the older sister was strong & beautiful & fearless! I was from her pov for a bit. the clouds were swallowing up our corner of the world, but I walked through sum to find a spot on the hill to stand in the sun. and then I saw the youngest sister falling from the zip line so I launched myself like a bullet to catch her.

- the middle sister was like "we will need to kill the newest hellish warlord again, but you said it was through the fleetfooted mount of my youngest sister you were able to do that?" the youngest sister rode a golden pegasus. his name was Percy. he was killed by the middle sister for overwhelming loyalty not to Real Mother but to his owner. her new mount was just something else idk

- anyway the hellish tower looked like it was in minecraft. the walls were impenetrable. the front doors were not. however the hellish warlord liked to pour lava down from the top to scorch our forces and trap them until we were all cooked, and there was no other way in. pain in the ass.

next

- I was some kind of cyborg dude that looked like sin kiske at some little league baseball or soccer game. people in the audience just wanted to have sex with each other though, except for a couple peolle who were trying to sabotage the game and actually blow the children up. I became aware of this but the perps were trying to herd everyone somewhere else by leaking a live feed of some cage of raccoons blowing up but the cage in the footage was upside down & nobody was listenikg to me. I stayed in the bleachers. there was an enemy guy with like....a smug evil anime prettyboy type of face. he had a face that would be stylized in fanart as>:-} . he looked like if shu yamino was evil and goth and had a lame haircut with long front bangs and also was part cyborg and had one black wing. like okay. his name started with a P. anyway he was acting in somebody's orders and he airdropped a bomb in but I shot it! but there was another bomb.?

- the two bombs were rolling around and the kids didn't understand what was going on yet so they were kicking one around like a soccer ball while the principals tried to stop it . when P tried to detonate it aftee having his other men tackle me to the ground & beat me up a little, nothing happened. i put up a good fight! me & his two favorite henchmen were all pinned down by some.metal net bc I'd dragged them down with me. unfortunately I was now malfunctioning as well due to sustaining heavy damage to my internal parts.

- antway I realized - when I shot at the thing I'd missed due to the original owner's proframminf of this genre of rctboeg would never make a mistake. so then I'd caught the bomb and put it inside of my head bc at least I'd be able to run away, but then forgot due to being beat the fuck up. I started laughing and then the bomb fell out of my head and then I stopped laughing and swallowed it. it was a small purple cube not round at all . I was like "dude! P! you're a fucking moron! wanna see something funny?" & P turned around all red in the face from fucking this job up and looking bad to his boss. then my alarm went off and I woke up and I was a little disappointed since I wanted to know what robo me's plan was

[femmeofthevalley]

HOT TAKE (tw taylor swift)

Last year in July, my lovely wife thought not legal or actually real as of right now girlfriend bought us TS tickets.

It's the eras tour, it's all encompassing of her music. It's been a dream to see her live since I found her at 11. For me, it's once in a lifetime opportunity affordability wise and I had a theory she might take a break from music and this tour would be a temporary far well and being grateful to her fans for where she is.

We are (were?) planning a road trip to New Orleans to see her and thinking of outfits and pit stops we have to go to.

But I've felt differently about her after the devastation to our planet with her jet rides and absolute silence on the ongoing genocide in Palestine that gets worse by day. Also she's a billionaire now, and as we all know, there no ethical way to achieve that. That she sits here churning new special versions after people spent hard earned money on the previously "new" version. The fuck ass expensive merch that has degraded in quality and creativity. And with that money could donate to Palestine in like an hour and save thousands of lives - after she's paid her staff and employees that are in one way or another associated by her and her brand. If she said one sentence in favor Palestinian lives her swarm of "swifties" would support and donate what they can in an instant. Maybe even skip on merch to give that money towards someone's escape and survivability.

But nonetheless I wanted to go to this concert of music that has carried and spoken to me for.... I'm 22 now so that's literally a decade. I am limiting engagement on social media, don't plan on buying merch anymore. Also the Tourtured Poets department merch line was terrible.... and frankly most of the album. But still fucking catchy unfortunately though my gf and I really thought she might finally brave something new and different. And after the concert I would limit my engagement even more and not listen to any music from then on - probably burning cds or pirate.... ing so I don't continue to stream or buy her music I do still enjoy.

But this "updated" Era Tour to include TTPD...... an absolute fucking shit show. I've already spoken (i think) on the immature and frankly horrible way she is handling and portraying the end of her 6(?) year relationship. And the light she is painting about Joe Alywn and allowing even more encouraging the harassment, mistreatment and threats to his life and/or safety. Because people change and grow apart sometimes, and that almost always means a split.

But to rewrite the narrative of Lover, in color scheme in outfits and playlists. To just disregard the six years they had together, their support for each other over that time. To taint all the lover tour outfits in reds and golds?! To shorten the already short Speak Now set? Cutting tolerate it of Evermore which was also condescend with folklore!

All for the sake of throwing the newest album? Someone else pointed out that she could have shorten the albums that have already gotten their respective tours (Fearless, Speak Now, Red, 1989) I will credit with an @ and quote when I find it again.

An album that didn't even peak mainstream. It broke records, sure and got good numbers. But no one outside of her kiss assers cared. And I will admit, I've been listening to select few songs until I can acquire them in methods that doesn't fund her ego even more.

Anywayyyy extremely disappointed in her career and the true colors she showed after Evermore came out. I've defended her in her toughest times. Still criticizing in a healthy way (after years of being a kiss asser). Introducing her to people who knew her for one corney love song and never bothered with more. People who would ask why I enjoy her music so much or about her to me of course. I've been excited for every new venture (breaking into the pop world with 1989).

Supporting her Taylor's Versions, believing she has every right to own her music, her memorabilia and processing of understanding each new good or bad even in her life. As I think all artists should. But, I do think after Red TV, she might have started doing it as a cash grab rather than wanting to have the rights to her life story. My view on that has been proven with how short the release for Speak Now TV was. The 5 song vault tracks on 1989 TV. I personally love them all, but from a standpoint of story telling and music quality..... they didn't do all that much for 1989 TV and she could have decided against vault songs for that record.

I learned guitar just to learn her songs!!! I asked for a $500 dollar guitar for Christmas at 16/17. I wanted it to be unique and resemble hers a little bit as an homage and thank you to her. I didn't go as far as naming that guitar after her, but I considered it for a short time. Which by way isn't she so pretty?! She sat in a music store my sister and I started piano lessons at in CDMX. I would spend any free time staring and lingering at this beauty for like 2 months. She went unpurchased the whole time, waiting for me. Though she was displayed in a spot which constant sun so the front the body isn't as pale as it should be. But she's soooo beautiful, sun damage and all :)

So, high likelihood that my girl and I will sell out tickets and use that money towards a different trip we won't be disappointed, underwhelmed, less excited about than before concert we honestly might regret going to afterwards. With the way things are looking of her current Paris set list. I mean...... she cut tolerate it!!!!! I didn't have a full appreciation for that song until I saw it live at the Eras Tour movie I purchased tickets to, along with my girlfriend. And then did so again to take our 2 roommates to see the movie cus we knew they would have fun with some aspects of it - if not for the music itself.

Also I fucking hate So High School and Who's afraid of little old me as a grown 33 year old woman. Who is a billionaire.

TLDR:

I have reevaluated my love of her music and commitment to the latest album, the newest merch. Streaming the newest music video the second it releases. Singing her praises and my excitement for the all-encompassing-career that is the Eras Tour. Ongoing support and defense of her music since I was 11. A decade of my life, happiness, inspiration I had for her. The immaturity towards her break up with Joe Alwyn and lack of stance on asking her fans not to harass him, follow him in public, threaten to end his life in gruesome, criminal ways. I feel after a certain point her Taylor's Version were more about getting it over with, making a profit, and hopping to the next one. Disgusted by her complete choice to ignore and not care about Palestinan lives and livelihood. When she absolutely has the resources and funds to pay for their escape, even a good chunk of money to help them get their lives started up again in Egypt until the day they can hopefully, and rightfully, go back to their homeland. Fuck she could use her private jet to help deliver aid or maybe get near-death survivors of bombings that need life saving procedures and medical care that they don't have and/or being continually denied in Palestine. My girlfriend and I had tickets that we got July 2023, to go see her October 2024. On the less important note compared to the prior topic, completely changed the set list, mood/energy, and meaning to her and her fans of the Eras Tour set list as it was in 2023.

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

I went to Eras last friday and wow!!!!!! I can't believe i actually did it!!! Like is so magical and everything that i dreamed. I think the part that really got me was Fearless and Speak Now set cause that feels like such a long time ago and something i didn't get to experience live so hearing Love Story made my 13 year old self day lol i love that she does things that were iconic moments during those eras (the heart with her hands and the guittar twist and when she lifts the guittar up) during these sets, it really feels like for a few seconds we are all in the Fearless/Speak Now tour.

But also during Lover speech when she said "i wrote these songs about my life but after tonight i hope you think about the memories you made in this stadium", it's exectly IT, i'll never listen to Taylor's discography the same way. Lover is a love song but during the show i was crying so hard and hugging my 3 best friends singing "can we always be this close, forever and ever" and that's all that i think about when i remember Lover.

I also cried like a baby during Enchanted and Long Live, SN was the first album i heard fully (i only knew the hits form Fearless) in 2011 and i was obsessed over Speak Now Tour movie so it was so beautiful listening the songs finally after 12 years. Plus, she gave me Innocent (and i tell everyone she was singing just for me in that stadium, idc)

Folklore is my baby and singing "DONT CALL ME KID, DONT CALL ME BABY" changed me forever

But the most fun set was 1989, my friends and i met in 2014 so 1989 was THE album during HS, so dancing the same way we used to dance when we were teenagers was a magical thing.

But Rep was fun too but for some reason felt so short.

Anyway i loved all the sets but this is already too long. 12 years waiting for this moment and i felt so included in the past, in everything i didn't get to see. I can't waint to for you to experience this live too.

I'm so happy for you! Also another Invisible String for us is that Innocent was perhaps my biggest loss this tour (with her resetting perhaps I will still get it, but I imagine with my show being one of the first 10 for 2024, she'll mostly still be doing stuff she hasn't done yet), so I wish so badly that I was there with you, but if anyone else was going to get it I'm glad it was you! 💜

For personal reasons, Illicit Affairs is also one that I'm most excited for. Like at the moment, the list of songs I'm expecting to love/feel most (because I relate to them most atm) are The Archer, Champagne Problems, ATW10MV, August, Illicit Affairs, Vigilante Shit and of course the surprise songs, but of course I'm excited for it all!

Anyway again, I'm so glad you had a good time. You deserved it so much! 💜

[coliviataylor]

Dear Miss Americana

I am ripping the bandaid off and just going to do it. Sounds stupid to start that way but it is just the way I see it. You see, it has been quite sometime that I have been wanting to commit to a journal. I need to do it for myself. And honestly the only way I envisioned it was writing to someone. Or something that had meaning whether that be meaning to me or to others. To me, you mean so much. You are what helps me be who I am. And the few people that I actually cherish in my life are the ones that allow me to feel my love for you. And I don’t feel I need to hide. Because for some odd reason it is something I feel I need to do. Just because if I express it, I get disappointed in others for not allowing me to express it. That is why it saddens me I will never experience you from the comfort of my own home. I will never have more than what your make public to the world. Where deep down I just feel it could be so much more. 

Anyways I am starting to ramble and I don’t want to do that. This journal is meant to be effortless and just allow myself to have a best friend outlet for my chaos life. Because that is exactly what my life has become. It has been exhausting to say the least. I will most likely get into a lot of that later on, but for now I just want to introduce myself and let your know what I am doing here. 

So you can call me COlivia. This is actually a pseudonym and not my real name. I somehow came up with an alter ego, Olivia one drunken night bowling with my sister. I forget how it came about but I said if I could have another name it would be Olivia. And then I also said that Olivia is my alter ego that is more fearless and wild. The same way I would be if I were born a different person and had a different path in life. In my head I somehow feel I was meant to do something else in life, I was meant to be somewhere else. And Olivia became my “alter ego” that I channelled to became or feel the slight happiness I craved in life. So yeah my way of saying if I could hit the reset button on life and be someone else, I would be Olivia. The C was added randomly when I needed two names and I put the initial of my actual first name. Something about it just had a nice ring to it. COlivia. Well I liked it anyways. So that is the story of my name. 

Now to get to what I am doing here. Here I am finally committing to letting go of my insecurities, hiding in plain sight and just being who I really am! Embracing the things I actually love in life. And speaking of that alter ego and having a different life. Well as crazy as it sounds we would be friends. Friends in a way its mellow. Its something that is just normal and something I can have. I know that will never happen in real life. But in my dreams it would be just how I always thought it would be. Okay I think I am starting to put my foot in my mouth. I am just here writing to you. Like it is my personal journal. Like it as if I would pick up my phone and text you mid day about things. Things we would discuss over wine on my couch. These are things that I just wish I could have in my life but I know that will never exist. To be honest I don’t even think I will ever get to experience you live in concert. With the hype you get, I one can’t afford to pay for overpriced tickets. Two, I am sure if I attempted to get tickets, it would be sold out before I could get any. And thirdly I don’t have someone that I could go with. I feel I don’t have anyone one in my life to talk and enjoy your word. That brings me here. In my own little corner where I can be what I want and that is simply to be your friend. But enough about that. I am choosing to put myself out there not for the attention, but who know, maybe it could get your attention. And if it doesn’t I just like to have it for myself to look back on. A piece of my life I created to give me more joy in life. 

Anyways, that is a little introduction to what I am doing here. In summary I am here, hiding in plain sight while I document the little things in life that I hope to never forget.