#something something the tragedy of losing everyone you love and how that affects you long term

[bushelofmuses]

//Cole is definitely outliving his friends and loved ones. He ages slowly compared to mortals. Maaayyybe not as much as Solas, I don't think, but it's really fucking slow.

And while I have him going the more human route, I still think he just reforms in the Fade as a spirit again if/when he dies.

[umbrellajam]

Have any Dick & Tim fic recs for us poor unfortunate souls? We’re hungry for brotherisms

I feel you anon, there can never be too many Dick & Tim brotherism fics! 😊 I had a great time wading through my bookmarks to pull some recs (and inevitably lose a bunch of time re-reading things lol), so thanks for the ask!

so I've organized the below first by general time period, then categories like Canon Divergence and Alternate Universe. I've also limited myself to fics that have a clear focus on Dick & Tim as the primary relationship (although some of them include other characters or ensembles).

Hope that you find something new that you enjoy, friend!!

A Thousand Ninjas, by @silverwhittlingknife (100k WIP series) - Silver's fantastic epic that covers the span of Dick and Tim's relationship in preboot canon. Some of the individual works are WIP, others are complete - just read them all, okay, you will not regret

Dick and Tim, through the years: from Lonely Place of Dying, through Tim's Robin years, and beyond Red Robin. "Watch me on the trapeze, Tim. I'm going to do my act - 'specially for you." (B 441) "Who the hell are you?" (NT 60) "Dick Grayson is my brother. My best friend." (R 181) "You're my equal. My closest ally." (RR 1) "I can't see him. You can't see him. But I know Robin. And Robin's always there when you need him." (TT/O Secret Files) "You're my brother. You'll always be there for me." (RR 12) "And then I think... no... it's for Tim. For him, a thousand ninjas is just the start of what I would do." (N 138)

EARLY ROBIN TIM

Brothers Have the Worst Timing, by @havendance (1k) - god I love Tim just popping up randomly to be the most annoying little brother ever, and frankly there's no better time for it than during Nightwing/Huntress, when he can bother both Dick and Helena at once.

Tim crashes Dick and Helena’s ill-advised one-night stand; this is awkward for everyone involved.

A Long Fall with a Sudden Stop, by @eggmacguffin (5.1k) - Interesting and appropriately awful take on fear toxin, with a relatively young Robin!Tim having to manage an incapacitated Dick. Also good Dick & Bruce content.

Dick Grayson was not and never has been afraid of heights. However, there were moments, moments in the wake of tragedy, in the midst of doubt, where he was deathly afraid of falling. — Dick Grayson. Fear Toxin.

Little Brothers and Stupid Ideas, by lazarusfell / @gretahayes (2k) - Tim breaking into Dick's apartment to be a neurotic little dork at him, my beloved.

Dick doesn't think he'll ever get used to his little brother's idiosyncrasies. It's like whenever he thinks the kid can't get any weirder, he decides to just blow Dick out of the water with some new abnormality. It's endearing.

LATE ROBIN TIM

lifeline, by me c: (~700) - just a ficlet, but I'm still fond of it, so. set nebulously post-Infinite Crisis, after both brothers' Really Bad Year.

At a low moment, Dick thinks he needs to catch Tim, and he just - can't. Tim catches him instead.

a soft place to land, by unchosenone / @bitimdrake (3k) - set during the OYL cruise around the world; gorgeous brotherly feels and support and absolutely adopted as personal canon.

Tim rubs the back of his head, trying to affect a joking tone. “I knew I should’ve just gone for the new escrima sticks.” Dick is ready to be a good big brother to his grieving little bro. Tim flips the script.

ribbons just beyond the eye, by silverwhittlingknife (5.9k) - you know how Dick and Tim had their island adventure in NW #143, and afterward they had to swim out several miles to where they parked the Batsub because the remote stopped working, and Dick talked about making a pit stop in Palermo to visit a "great little Italian restaurant that serves a great ciambellone for dessert"? Well, this is what happens when they do, and it's lovely.

Two weeks after their fight over the Lazarus Pits, Dick and Tim go on a trip, and Dick confronts some old memories.

RED ROBIN / BATMAN REBORN (Dick!Bats) ERA

Brothers, by KelpieCodyne (8.5k) - a refreshing and measured look at the divisive events of Red Robin, from Dick’s perspective. bashes no one, hurray!

Bruce is dead, Dick is Batman, and his brother is floundering. In a desperate attempt to save Tim from himself, Dick tries some tough love. It does not go the way he hopes. Or - Red Robin's 'BruceQuest' through the eyes of Dick Grayson.

We've Taken Different Paths, Traveled Different Roads, by Sohotthateveryonedied (2.3k) - brothers 🥺 even in the middle of their Brucequest fight, Tim can show up out of nowhere for a middle-of-the-night pajama party and heartfelt talk.

Dick is suddenly very awake. He bolts upright, staring at the dimly lit figure. “Tim?” “Hi, Dick,” Tim whispers. He isn’t in uniform for once, instead wearing a pair of sweats and a shirt that Dick recognizes as one of Bruce’s. Dick was wondering where that went. “Jesus, kid,” Dick exhales, an uncertain mixture of disbelief and bafflement. “What are you doing here?” Tim and Dick are still in a fight of sorts, or are they? Have they made up yet, or is the terrain still cracked? Dick wants so badly to ask, but just having Tim in the same room as him is already more than Dick could have hoped he’d get.

a conversation at 4:30am, by xscintillate / @scintillyyy (4.6k) - Dick having a nightmare that Tim is dead and checking all of his regular napping spots with increasing paranoia to prove that he's alive, my beloved. such a great look at the brothers, suffused with all of the love they still share post-Brucequest.

dick & tim, post RR#12 because sometimes having a conversation might end up going nowhere, especially if it's one you're not ready for, but it's enough for now

the best of both of us, by @ashynarr (7k) - a lovely pair of conversations between Tim and Dick, working through their conflict in RR and reconnecting after everything.

They used to have a routine, involving shitty take-out, shitty movies, and a bit of shit-talking. Dick wants to restart it, after everything. Tim's not sure if it's that easy. Or: After Harkness' arrest, Dick and Tim have a heart-to-heart. It helps, a little.

there's an endless road to rediscover, by @zahri-melitor (1.2k) - post-RR fic where Dick and Tim skip right to affectionate violence as a gesture of reconciliation, which is so delightfully in-character, tbh.

Sometimes the only way to show that you've moved on and forgiven each other is to take a flying tackle from the ceiling. Dick and Tim know each other's demonstrations of affection. Damian doesn't.

When it Rains, by vellaphoria (5.8k) - an exploration of Tim and Dick's (most recent) experiences with sexual assault, so warnings for past rape. really excellent.

After Cass and Tim return from Paris, something seems... wrong. Dick tries to find out what it is.

nightwing and red robin hit the town (or do they?) by xscintillate / scintillyyy (7.2k) - hilarious reversal of the "Tim is sad Dick never has time to hang out with him because Eldest Daughter Syndrome" trope.

Dick just wants to hang out with Tim on patrol, like old times. It's a shame that everyone else seems to have the same idea. It's fine. Dick'll get him next time.

POST-FLASHPOINT / MODERN ERA

so won't you stay, won't you stay (with me?), by dizarys / @dizaryswrites (1.4k) - beware the ANGST, this one really stomped on my heart 😭 but it's lovely

Dick seized his hands, holding tight. A long moment of silence passed. Tim kept time with Dick’s breathing as it steadily returned to an even pattern. "I'm proud of you for asking for help." His big brother whispered. "But I haven't." "I dunno, TimTam. Breaking into my apartment seems like a cry for help." Tim's having a hard night. So where else does he go but to his big brother's apartment? Whumptober Day 12

go past where our feet could touch, by redboard (Ink) / @upswings (1.5k) - this is such a lovely fic about the brothers having feelings about their long-gone mothers, and Dick seeing himself in Tim and processing things in his own life by being there for him (without sharing his own issues, at least that we see, lol). perfect characterization.

Today Tim was calmer, almost cheerful – as if it was any other Saturday afternoon. But it had also not escaped Dick's notice that Tim had gone on a universe-hopping trip to rescue Bruce, and one of the first things he'd done upon returning was, apparently, unbox a lot of photos of his dead parents. "How was the multiverse?" Dick asked.

WE'RE NOT DEAD (WE WALK)., by orpheusaki / @damianbugs (4.9k) - fantastic whumptober fic. the boys go through it, by god.

Dick is overwhelmed for a moment, filled with clarity and inexplicable confusion as he blinks around him bleary-eyed. There's the familiar itching covering his skin, tiny grains of dark sand invading the cuts that have torn through his suit from the crash. He coughs, throat dry and closing with every gasp of harsh air. The desert is as unforgivable as the last time he was here, an empty expanse of dunes that might just be a trick of the heavy sun against the back of his neck. Dick pushes the panic away behind his eyelids, savoring the darkness before opening his eyes again. Immediately, he sees Tim. Unconscious, hunched over, covered in blood and sand Tim. (Dick and Tim get stranded in the desert, Dick is always moving forward.)

CANON DIVERGENCE

long distance, by unchosenone / bitimdrake (1.7k) - A Red Robin era AU where Bruce is actually dead.

Six months—months—radio silence, and Tim is calling him. Dick doesn’t even know where Tim is. He scrambles for the phone.

Holding the Line, by Birdchild / @birdchildsnest (6.6k) - part 2 of the series and the first part is just as good, but more focused on the Dick&Tim&Damian relationship as a whole. In this, Dick is plagued with nightmares about the people he loves falling, and struggles through the resultant insomnia.

"Dick was used to anxiety dreams, even (or especially) ones about falling and failing to catch people. They weren’t pleasant, but he understood that they were his brain’s way of working through buried fears. The garbage disposal of his subconscious. But these dreams were more like the hyper-vivid nightmares and thrashing night terrors he’d had after his parents’ deaths. And they were constant. Every time he closed his eyes. He didn’t just feel rattled when he woke up; he felt flayed open."   (This will make more sense if you've read "Redrawing the Lines," but it takes place before "Season of Darkness, Season of Light," so you don't need to have read that.)

now the little red lighthouse knew that it was needed, by xscintillate / scintillyyy (22k) - beloved Tim never becomes Robin but shows up in Dick's life and becomes his brother anyway fic of my HEART

"Kid," he says, frustration bleeding through, "I don't know who you think I am, but I can promise you, I don't know anything about any companies. You might want to call the police about this, instead." "No, that's just it," the kid says, "I can't trust the police. I think they're in on it. I think I might get arrested soon. I need—I think I need Nightwing's help." in an alternate universe where jason survives ethiopia--dick and tim still find each other.

this also has a WIP sequel, so the little red lighthouse tried to shine once more, which is equally excellent

well, what would you do if you went back in time?, by xscintillate / scintillyyy (3.5k) - yeah, in retrospect Tim's smug know-it-all tendencies would become exponentially worse if he traveled back in time and actually knew everything, lol. of course he takes the opportunity to be a Pest to both Dick and Bruce c:

tim goes back in time, and prevents certain things--but still makes his appointment at the circus with dick and is kind of a menace (aka: snippets from an au where tim goes back in time and makes it so he doesn't become robin...but he's still just having fun going around and preventing everything he can think of regardless and making sure to bother dick)

the time you won your town the race, by silverwhittlingknife (4.4k) - technically WIP, but absolutely works as a (DEVASTATING) oneshot. It's been well over a year and I still have not recovered tbh.

He doesn’t know exactly what Tim would say. But he knows what Tim would do. Tim dies. Dick doesn’t take death for an answer. A Red Robin 12 AU.

the picture frames have changed and so has your name, by zahri-melitor (24k) - a fix-it it fic for Grant Morrison's 2009 Batman and Robin comic run, which infamously has Dick more-or-less forget that he's supposed to have a close relationship with this alleged "Tim Drake" guy. (Little brother who?)

So, in this fic, Dick literally forgets. Tim notices, and investigates. Also wonderfully highlights Tim's relationships with Helena, Barbara, and the Birds of Prey, and sometimes with Damian.

There’s something wrong with Dick. Tim thought everything was getting back to normal. Bruce was alive and back in their timeline, the Birds of Prey were once again operating out of Gotham, Dick had the city well under control as Batman and even Damian had been less obnoxious than usual. And then during a firefight at a warehouse by the docks, Tim was almost hit by a flying boomerang. And Dick never noticed. When something is wrong with your big brother, who else do you turn to but your big sisters?

Dizzy Edges, by Jojo_Squires / @jojosquires (156k WIP)

A Tim-time-travels-and-interferes-to-make-his-family's-lives-better fic which includes the whole Batfam, but is definitely centered on Dick&Tim and the weird itching dissatisfaction of their missing close relationship from the original timeline - which neither of them can even remember that they're supposed to have.

I leap on my email notifs and stuff new chapters in my mouth as soon as they come out.

Tim Drake didn't quite know what he was agreeing to four years ago, but he tried to make the best of it! Using notes from his past (future?) self, he (somewhat messily) tried to help everyone his other self cared for. Now, it's four years later and he can mostly ignore the second set of memories lying in the back of his brain. It'd be much easier if Dick Grayson would just leave him alone. If Tim believed in destiny he might actually think that the universe cared about what was lost. Dick Grayson has spent the last year feeling like he's veered off course. Something keeps itching at the back of his brain. He's missed some clue. Helena Bertinelli's promised to help him crack down on human trafficking, but Dick thinks her foster kid might actually be more help in that department.

First Priority, by avaya29 / @avayarising (6.8k) - okay so Jason does feature prominently in this one but also he's a hilarious outside observer to Dick&Tim's shenanigans. Also, GLUE TRAP.

As the door opened Tim quickly disabled another three separate electronic sensors in the doorjamb by swiping them with a device that looked a bit like a thumb drive. “Walk where I walk,” he said. He took a big step over the doormat, eyed the floor carefully, then took a careful skipped sidestep to another mat against the right-hand wall, where he removed his shoes. “What the hell?” whispered Jason, still standing in the open doorway. Tim pointed up. There was a net rigged up on the ceiling. “Pressure pads under the carpet.” “I repeat, what the hell? After Tim completely derails Jason's beatdown attempt by asking him for a hug, Jason's first priority is to get this touch-starved kid more cuddles. Tim's first priority is to avoid DIck's traps. Jason learns a lot about his brothers and what happened while he was away, and something about himself too.

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

Patchwork Siblings, by Raberba_girl (40k) - fluff and whump and we also get both Talon!Dick and regular!Dick being big brothers, which is delightful.

Years ago, young Dick Grayson was taken by the Court of Owls and made into a Talon. When Talon is flung into an alternate universe where Dick Grayson was taken in by Bruce Wayne instead, he latches onto the first familiar person he sees. (Or: Little Bat-stalker Tim Drake is understandably alarmed to find that an undead assassin has imprinted on him.)

5+1 Night's at Freddy's, by cowboymater (6.6k WIP) - okay so this is only the first chapter of an expected six, but it's already a wildly interesting and entertaining scenario with great characterization. my kingdom for 5000 AUs where young Dick and Tim are thrown together into Trials and Tribulations out of nowhere for their brotherly meet-cute.

The 5 nights Tim spent at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza with Robin and the 1 he spent with Batman, OR, this would be the coolest thing that happened to him ever if the animatronics were trying to kill them less, OR, the "Batman meets Freddy Fazbear" fic I found hidden under a loose floorboard in Tim Drake's childhood bedroom.

darling boy, by deitybird (335k) - Fuzzy and funny de-aged!Tim shenanigans, with Dick as his primary caretaker but the whole Batfam getting involved. Author pulls what plot, character, and relationship points they like and want to explore from varied canon (post-Crisis, New 52, Rebirth, Infinite Frontier, Batman the Animated Series, etc.) and fanon to build out that 335k of story, and it's a very fun time. Toddler Tim is such a gremlin ♥

His comm crackles to life. “RR’s suit is in a pile on the floor,” Jason says, voice grim. “But no sign of him. Something bad must’ve happened if he ditched it all.” “I wouldn’t say it’s bad, per se,” Dick replies, gazing down at the kid nestled against his chest. Now that he’s looking properly, he can see hints of his little brother in those small features. “But at least I can confidently say that he’s not dead.” Or: Tim gets de-aged to four. Dick takes care of him.

Under a Parent’s Wing, by IzzyMRDB. (39k) - YMMV on whether this will be your cup of tea, as this is an AU where Dick comes into a parental rather than brotherly role for a younger, AU!Tim, who is also autistic and abused. But it’s also delightful, heartfelt, and a thoughtful exploration of the complicated, difficult situation as given.

Also I would, no lie, read hundreds of fics based on the premise of kid!Tim discovering that THE Dick Grayson (aka THE ORIGINAL ROBIN) is coaching gymnastics classes and using his sneaky determined ways to finagle himself into said classes.

When Tim found out that Dick Grayson was a gymnastics instructor in Bludhaven, he quickly signed up. After all, learning gymnastics from The Nightwing himself is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Dick Grayson is more concerned at the obvious signs of child abuse he sees in one of his students. AKA Dick Grayson, as a childcare worker, is a mandated reporter who knows how to recognize child abuse in his students. Tim Drake, after a lifetime of fear and confusion, learns to trust adults.

[theofficialpresidentofmars]

the long awaited alcoholism in hamlet post! with special thanks to the undertale ball game for pissing me off so badly i needed to make this to take my mind off it.

anyway before we begin disclaimer and tw there will be discussions of alcohol, substance abuse, suicidal notions and all that good stuff that comes with discussing hamlet. onto the post

The basic idea of this take is just that Hamlet copes with the death of his father by developing a nasty drinking habit, that while he’s able to mostly overcome before the actual events of the play, we still see the tail end of and how it’s affected the other characters. The only actual specific staging this would require would be for Hamlet to drink a little excessively in one scene, and the rest is implication. It’s also an exploration of the tragedy of Hamlet’s mental health in a time where, any scholar of the play will mention, they didn’t really have a lot of knowledge about all that stuff.

As the play clearly demonstrates, Hamlet is a real big overthinker. He’s the kind of guy whose thoughts run a million miles an hour, and so in the wake of a terrible tragedy such as his father’s death, being a young man in a castle with easy access to excessive amounts of alcohol, he could easily turn to its depressant properties to numb the barb and take the edge off his usually sharp mind. And given the extent we see he’s grieving, it wouldn’t be implausible for this to quickly become a dependency.

The people in his life who care about him would be very concerned about this, especially his mother and Ophelia I’d imagine. Alcohol is something they understand, and they know the dangers of overconsumption, and given its role as a depressant it would be incredibly sad for them to watch their beloved prince lose himself, his quick thinking, his sharp wit, his charisma and charm, all those brilliantly brainy characteristics, to the numbing tendencies of the bottle. They’d be watching the person they knew and loved deteriorate before their eyes, shortly after the death of his father.

Hamlet’s not an idiot when it comes to the dangers of drinking, he knows it’s terrible for him, but at the same time there are days where he’s hoping the poison in his cup were one that worked a little bit faster. Eventually though, he decides to stop for one reason or another, although it’s likely that Claudius’s own excessive drinking habits from his partying (with none of the caution that even Hamlet exerts) disgust him enough to wean him off the taste a little bit. As we approach the events of the play, he’s managed to get his drinking mostly under control, and his loved ones couldn’t be more relieved. For a moment there, they were worried they’d have to watch the man they loved spiral into something nigh unrecognisable.

Come the events of the play, and when Hamlet is introduced in Act 1 Scene 2, he’s just a little bit tipsy. Not massively so, but just enough to get him through another session of court. His mother and uncle feel comfortable enough to tell him to his face to stop grieving (because he’s stopped drinking, which means the grief must be lessening, right? that’s how it works?), and Hamlet takes to it exactly as badly as he does in the play. After everyone leaves, Hamlet finds a glass of something somewhere and downs it (because tipsy wasn’t enough to handle that shitfest) and starts emotionally and vaguely drunkenly monologuing about how he wishes he could kill himself and all that.

Horatio shows up, and Hamlet is thrilled to see him, and despite the fact that the feeling is mutual, Horatio has been warned about his friend’s habits and is a little put off to see the state Hamlet’s in- especially when Hamlet jokes about that he’ll ’teach you to drink ‘ere you depart’, to which Horatio is visibly disappointed. Hamlet picks up on this and is a little ashamed by being caught this way, and so when he shows up next in Act 1 Scene 4 he is fully sober; and even throws in a comment or two about how much he dislikes the king’s traditions of excess drinking and partying. Just so Horatio knows he’s not actually a fan of it, and all.

After Hamlet sees the ghost of his father and is spurred to his revenge, there’s no reason for him to drink anymore- how can he, when he needs his mind clear to enact such a plan and why should he, when he’s just unlocked the one coping mechanism that’s possibly worse?

Over the next two months, the castle is happy to see that Hamlet seems to be cured of his ailment- in terms of drinking at least. He’s gone a little loopy, but maybe that’s just a phase while he gets over the dependency and if it is, then it’s surely preferable and a good thing, right?

But as we all know, it only gets worse from there.

Ophelia is the first to have it hit home. Hamlet’s maddening behaviour is both confusing and hurtful, and by the events of Act 3 Scene 3, she doesn’t know how to feel anymore. She saw Hamlet through the worst of his addiction, she watched as he spiraled into confusion and a slurred slowness, and she thought that it was the worst thing that could happen to him. When he stopped, she was so happy, because she thought he’d come back to her- but now it seems like in its place has left something worse. Hamlet is back to his quick wit and sharp tongue, but now those once charming traits that she was so in love with have been turned against her wholly, being used to embarrass her and demean her publicly by a man with the face and eyes of the one she loved but with a cruelty so new and painful that it makes her sick. And the worst part is, before she could put a finger on the problem. She knew it was the fault of alcohol, and she knew it wasn’t him, and she knew it could go away.

But this? She doesn’t know what this is. She’s watching the love of her life unravel into an entirely different person and she has no idea what’s causing it. When Hamlet was drunk, at least beneath the exterior she could still tell he was in there, and his heart and love for her were there too. But this? It’s like a genie took her wish to have what Hamlet had lost of himself restored and twisted it so that it was all he had now. The exterior is back, but she doesn’t know that he loves her anymore. And she’s confused, and frightened, and sad. (She doesn’t yet know that she sat next to the man who would kill her father, but if she had known, she might have gone mad with the knowledge.)

Gertrude is the second to have it sink in. Hamlet’s drinking broke her heart, and when she found out that he’d stopped she’d been so relieved.

And now there’s a dead man on the floor, and her son is proclaiming that he’s seeing ghosts, and the worst part about it all is that he’s completely sober.

There’s something very wrong with her only child, and it terrifies her that she doesn’t know what it is beyond madness. And madness has no cure, not like drinking does, and she would never wish her son drunk again but at least when he was drunk he was predictable. At least he was drunk he’d never murdered anyone. And Gertrude once considered watching her son lose himself before her very eyes to be among her greatest fears, but now sitting upon her bed in a trance, she’s struck by the sudden and horrifying thought that she didn’t even see it. That he’s already changed beyond repair and she was far too late to do anything about it. He’s being dragged away now, rambling on about England, and Gertrude can’t think, but there’s a cup of wine on her dresser.

This take gives a whole new meaning to Claudius’s insistence on the poisoned wine in Act 5 Scene 2 as well, and Hamlet’s continued refusal. Even if the wine wasn’t poisoned, the underlying statement Claudius is making by offering it to a recovering addict is clear, and sort of horrifying in itself, given at that point, no one else in the court seems to care enough to even say anything. Hamlet refuses without a fuss because it’s honestly the thing about Claudius he hates the least, and Gertrude takes it instead because she’s been slipping a little herself, and if she’d known it was poisoned, it would probably frighten her how little she cared.

Anyway this is just based around my thoughts on the inherent tragedy of Hamlet suffering from mental illness with no support system and no real societal understanding of how those things worked by juxtaposing it with something that they did know about in order to make it even sadder.

please let me know your thoughts as well I love hearing anything and everything about this play

[haptronym]

(Im sorry for so many questions) Between Toshinori and Izuku, if one or the other died, who do you think would take it worse? And who do you think would handle the aftermath better? How do you think each of them would react to witnessing it/finding out?

What an interesting question!

There is the obvious answer that, if Toshinori died, Izuku would instantly get a Force Ghost version of him in his head to chat with forever and ever. He wouldn't be truly gone; he might even be able to be more accessible to Izuku than ever before. This would skew my answer a lot. While I think it would be really cool to see a story that explored the subtle pain and grief of "losing" someone in all aspects except for a mental projection, I'd rather just pretend that part doesn't apply here. Maybe OFA got destroyed, or Izuku passed it on to someone else. In that case…

Izuku's waterworks are one of his defining traits. He's gotten far more stoic over the years, but I am sure this would bypass all that progress. He would be inconsolable, losing the person who shaped his life since he was a baby.

At the same time, Izuku has spent the series growing a strong, healthy network of people who support him. He has family and teachers and friends. He'd cry, a lot, but he'd be able to do so on plenty of shoulders. And he has a lot going on in his life! He has a career to start, he has adulthood looming - he has so much to look forward to, and so much of it became possible thanks to Toshinori.

It would hurt each time he hit a milestone, I imagine - to get on the hero charts for the first time, or do his first big fundraiser, and not be able to share that success with the person who gave him the chance to do so. I would never say that a person's death is "good" for someone, but I think it would be something that spurred Izuku on. "I'm blessed to have been able to know him at all," I could see him saying. "He would want me to keep doing my best."

Izuku loves to ruminate. I am sure he'd never be able to fully stop wrestling over how he could have changed fate and been able to stay by Toshinori's side just a little longer. But everyone dies someday. Toshinori lived a long, full life, and left behind an incredible legacy, one that Izuku proudly helps keep alive in his stead.

Toshinori, I think, would look far less devastated by comparison. He is stoic and solution-focused. He would probably be comforting Izuku's friends and family and doing his best to fix things as best he could. That's what he loves, after all: being of service to others.

But Izuku's passing wouldn't feel like a neatly finished chapter in a book. Old people die, but young people aren't supposed to. Losing someone so bright and talented with so much ahead of him… what a senseless, unfair waste it would be.

And what a blow it would be to Toshinori. After everything he's been through, he finally found someone like him, someone with his heroic spirit, someone who changed his life and his whole way of thinking. He already lost his health, his quirk, and most of his life. To lose Izuku too, after all that, would be unimaginably painful and cruel. His brightest light, snuffed out too soon. And we know how much Toshinori beats himself up about not being able to save people.

Toshinori is a resilient person. He's been through tragedy before, and he bounced back. I don't think he'd break down and become a ruined hollow shell of his former self. But when it came to the private, unseen pain, I think Izuku's passing would harm him far more deeply than the inverse.

So it's interesting: I think Izuku would appear far more wrecked in the short term, but would ultimately heal and be able to carry on and live a full and rich life. Toshinori would seem far less affected, but it would be a crippling loss for him.

That was a fun mental exercise, thanks anon.

[starheirxero]

I JUST WATCHED THE TRIPLE LORE-

OH MY GOD. OH. MY. GOD.

I AM FLABBERGASTED- I AM SHOOKETH-

I AM CURRENTLY ACENDING INTO THE HEAVENS ABOVE-

I CANNOT EXPRESS ENOUGH, HOW MUCH I ADORE TRAGEDIES AND HEAVY ANGST- I LOVE, SEEING THE CHARACTERS FALL APART. I LOVE, WATCHING THEM LOSE THEMSELVES. I LOVE WATCHING, AS THEY LOOK INTO THE MIRROR, UNABLE TO REGOGNIZE THEMSELVES. I LOVE SEEING THEM LOSE THEIR MORALITY. I LOVE, SEEING CHARACTERS BREAK. I LOVE, WATCHING THEM SUFFER AND CHANGE THROUGH IT. EVERY DAMN STORY MADE UP IN MY HEAD TURNS INTO A TRAGEDY-

I AM ON MY KNEES- I AM BLESSED, MY HEART HAS BEEN TORN INTO MILLIONS OF PIECES-

THIS WAS SO CHILLING, IN SO MANY GREAT WAYS.

MOON HAS COMPLETELY LOST HIMSELF. THE CHILL THAT WENT DOWN MY SPINE!!

THE WAY HE JUST STOPPED, REALIZING THAT HE DOESN'T CARE, THAT HE LOST EVERY BIT OF CARE HE HAS FOR EARTH-

EVEN MORE SO??? HE BURNED HER. SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE SHOWING SIGNS OF PAIN, SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE CRUMBLING.

RUIN WAS FINE. BLOODMOON KEPT SPOUTING AND CACKLING.

EARTH WAS THE ONLY ONE HURT. SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE AFFECTED-

HER ENTIRE LEFT SIDE HURTS WITH EVERY MOVEMENT! This is so fucked up, oh god… OH GOD-

Moon's entire existence revolved around his family, and now? He almost killed his sister. He didn't even care. Quite literally just told her "Oh well"!

Even though he aimed to kill Bloodmoon, she's the injured one… God, I can't even describe, how much this fucks me up…

To be honest? A part of me wants these burns to be permanent. A consequence and reminder of Moon's action. A physical reminder, why he will never be forgiven, and him and Earth will never be close again.

And a part of me hopes, it turns Earth colder. That it becomes something, that changes her. After all, this was her brother. A person, she trusted dearly. And now? She sees him the same way as she does her father. Something that he acknowledged, but yelled at her for.

And now? He's occupying some place in space, though the question would be: how long? Last time someone floated in the void, Dark Sun swept him up and put something devastating in his head.

AND OH GOD, BLOODMOON'S DEAD- HE WAS DISINTEGRATED ATOM BY ATOM-

EVEN WORSE?? I THINK, HE WANTED THIS. HE KEPT TELLING THEM TO DO IT, MOCKING THEM, PROVOCATING. MAYBE HE WANTED THEM TO KILL HIM, SO HE CAN BE WITH HIS BROTHER AGAIN. MAYBE, LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING WITHOUT A WEIGHT AND VOICE INSIDE HIS HEAD-

There were in general so many things that were said about the twins, about the way they work. Ruin never created them with bloodlust. It was never part of their programming to begin with.

Did their old selves have it at all? Was it so deep in their code, that it was invisible to anyone else? Or was their something else driving them this entire time?

And what made the new version so bloodthirsty? Was it simple enjoyment? Was it their memories?

Speaking of which- RUIN IS FUCKING BACK- HE IS A FREE MAN ONCE MORE!!!

I am so damn excited what his journey will lead to- He's such a fascinating character!!

You've already pointed it out, but the way he tried to comfort Earth is so interesting! It seems that Eclipses flock to her, in some way!

And of course, Puppet. Oh god, Puppet. They used up all their magic, to the point of a breakdown…

All of this seems so convenient. All of this feels odd, as pointed out by Ruin and Puppet both.

Could this all be part of Dark Sun's scheme?

Furthermore, could he be the reason, Moon snapped? Could he have planned it?

There's so many questions rotating in my brain!!

I am sticking with it as my favorite arc-

-Stardust

YEHAYSUAYHAHAYAYAYA!!!!!!! I'M A FEW DAYS LATE TO THIS SO NOW THERE'S EVEN MORE TRAGEDY NOT MENTIONED IN UR ASK BUT [SHAKES YOU] ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!!

there is SO MANY LEVELS OF WILDLY FASCINATING AND HEARTBREAKING BEING PRESENTED HEREEEE!!!!!! EVERYTHING'S IN SHAMBLES. EVERYONE'S HURT TO SOME DEGREE. THINGS JUST KEEP TUMBLING MORE AND MORE DOWNHILL AND IM SO EUWBSIHAHAHAAAAAAA IM SO YAY YAY YAY YIPPEEEEEE!!!!!!!

YYEHSYEGS MOON BURNED EARTG!!!!! I'M STILL NOT OVER THAT. HE HURT HER THE WORST!!! AND YEHSYEYYSS GHOOOODDD I KNOW THEY PROBABKLY WON'T WORK IT INTI THE MODEL BUT EARTH WITH BURN SCARS FOREVER AFTERWARDS PLEEEEAASSSSEEEEEEE

AND MOON NOW YEAH. THAT'S SO WILD TO ME HE JUST GOT STRAIGHT UP BANISHED. AND UR PREDICTION WAS SPOT ON DARK SUN IMMEDIATELY GIT HIS HANDS IN HIM..... TOOK SOMETHING OUT TOO IM SO AHSJSBDJSN

AND GHOD YEAH BLOOSMOON IS JUST. DEAD NOW. FOR REALS. It all happened so fast I can't EVENNN. HONESTLY I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING THO, HE SEEMED DESPERATE FOR A FIGHT, TO BE KILLED. I 100% also attributed it to him not knowing how to function with his twin and just deciding to go full recklessness. AND WHAT RUIN DROPPED ABT HIS CODE OMS YEAH.

I won't lie it's both kind of hilarious 2 me to me that Bloodmoon 2.0 just decided that being a murderer is fun as shit, but also kind of a relief bc it explains a LOT. Or, well, like. One detail but STILL SKABDJDM

The way I heard it, Ruin was basically going "yea the og had the kill code but I couldn't get my hands on that, so I just did the next best thing, but it's entirely up to them to actually obey it." yk?? Which!!! Is a solid explanation for why OG Bloodmoon expressed frustration with his code before he died, but why Bloodmoon 2.0 had no issues with it. because they were doing that shit for funsies HEJHAJDHS

AND RUIN AND PUPPET YAYAYAYYA I'm so wildly fascinated by their short interaction + I am so intrigued to see what'll happen to them!!!! Dark Sun's involvement in everything has me terribly fascinated and I can't wait to see every thread he may or may not be pulling. its justqhaAHSJAHSJ ITS ALL SO EXCITINGGGG WEEEEEEEE!!!!!

[ratective]

What's Sard's main albatross? Each of our characters had a main problem, some sort of trauma, a stressor, a ghost haunting them. Was Sard an accident? Does she have a hard time being one a kind, like Steven? Does she feel defective in some way? Does she suffer from being able to make connections, do to Garnet's influence? Does she resent Steven, for being the reason Rose is gone?

i think all of those can and might coexist lol

sards was definitely unplanned but she wasn’t unwanted! i think pearl had the most complicated feelings about it as she was the one to have her but she had rose and garnet around; there was no way she could resent sardonyx for being there, not with their support so they would do everything in their power to make her feel loved. it was definitely easier with rose around but they tried nonetheless

i believe sardonyx’s main burden would be, like with amethyst and steven, how homeworld perceives her existence. gemlings have long since served any purpose on homeworld and gems with the ability to bare them were no longer produced. those gemlings that were found out were probably shattered on spot – they don’t need to waste room for imperfect gem prototypes when they have kindergartens and injectors that do a far more solid job with making gems than another gem than can only create so few at a time.

i don’t want this gemling idea to revolve around just gems being able to have sex because that’s already hackneyed but i can’t find a good enough alternative since that was just supposed to be the pearl-and-garnet-have-a-baby au LOL so instead of how they do it i’d focused on how homeworld banned something as simple and organic as procreation in favor of something more sustainable for them; how they police another natural and normal aspect of being alive for MOST living beings, 1984 orwell style lmao

so i think the biggest impact on her would be coming in contact with homeworld customs via peridot jasper the diamonds…pearl or garnet accidentally disclosing something etc. similar to amethyst her existence would be considered a mistake, a burden and useless in the gem society. along with the other two earthlings she would have to deal with being dubbed not enough and weak.

up until that point of coming in contact with their ideology her biggest issue would be navigating her parents trauma responses, especially after rose died, and like steven, having to coexist with them while they do wild shit out of grief and war trauma

she knew she was loved but the crystal gems aren’t exactly famous for being good parents. pearl can spiral easily at slightest provocation (and i know how badly having a hysterical anxious traumatized mom affects you and your relationship with her lol) and garnet can shut people out and become distant and cold when upset. this seems like a standard recipe for having a complicated relationship with parents

i think she does struggle to make connections like garnet but it’s more because of her explosive responses, which was more pearls influence if anything. she’s easily overwhelmed and if things become too much she blows up and then shuts in

i think she would only feel a little jealous of steven. when he was born it came with the tragedy of losing rose and while gemlings existed previously, everyone’s focus was on the new being, completely never seen before. it was hard getting any of her parents attention while they stressed over steven and the lack of rose and that was the first time she really felt left out and loved less. she and amethyst kept to each other while garnet sucked up her feelings to comfort pearl so any resentment towards steven for taking rose from them came with the fact that suddenly everything was falling apart around her! but sards quickly became friends with steven. they’re bros now 💪

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

OKAY OKAY, I've been reading your Ch4 text posts, and I was gonna just comment, but it got so long, and I was ITCHING to interact so-

Honestly, I think the big reason Ch4 is underappreciated is because of just how divisive Ch4 is as a WHOLE.

Ch5 and Ch6 in a lot of ways are a lot more straight forward!! Especially in characterization. It could (and frequently is) argued what Kaito and Kokichi's motivations are in Ch5, and how they are meant to be interpreted- but it's super open-ended and people can really easily view it the way THEY want to. Kaito and Kokichi can so easily fall into what the viewer WANTS them to be.

Ch4, on the other hand, fundamentally challenges how the characters view each other and, more importantly, how the AUDIENCE sees the characters. For example if you have hated Kokichi since the start, its easy to write him off in ch5 and say he deserved it, but in ch4 you have to confront the fact that Miu was planning to take him out, and that he was SCARED. I've seen people argue the fact that Kokichi SHOULDN'T have been scared as a way to justify how they feel about him and Ch4.

And of course the major Ch4 elephant in the room: A lot of people have to grapple with (or chose to ignore) the real tragedy Gonta faced, because it would mean fully embracing how complicated he is as a character. A lot of people wanted a straightforward: perfect wholesome character was manipulated by an evil villain to kill and faced the consequences, but that's just not what happened. Gonta is a genuinely kind soul and was placed between a rock and a hard place, and whether or not Kokichi had TOLD him... would have been deeply affected by losing another friend, one he thought HE was close with. He lost his memory, not because he was stupid, but because he didn't have the same DOMINANT HAND as everyone else and got his wires mixed up. There's so much to be said about Gonta in chapter 4 but all of it involves a mental confrontation with the fact that he's a human being with free will, who can make both informed decisions and mistakes.

I keep using the word "confront," because that really is what chapter 4 is. Confrontational. Kaito embodies someone who can't handle that confrontation, Shuichi has to cope with the truth and confronting others WITH that truth (including a perpetrator that forgot what he did-), Kokichi has to confront the horrors of the outside world alongside the fact that someone he trusted and worked alongside is planning to kill him, he has to confront the fact that Gonta lost his memory and the fact everyone thinks that Kokichi is just trying to frame his friend, and Gonta has to confront so much of that alongside Kokichi as well as what he, himself did. Something he IS willing to take responsibility for because he recognizes his OWN agency.

(Repeating my thesis like this is a report -) Chapter 4 is incredibly hard to swallow and harder to digest, and because of that gets overshadowed by the following chapters that have a lot more ambiguity and room to pack in as much interpretation as the audience can imagine. There's no fun in wondering how Miu's last moments played out, unlike wondering what REALLY happened in the hangar. Interpretations can be played around with a LOT when it comes to pregame characters, but it's a lot less fun to place blame in a situation full of people who were only trying to defend themselves. To fully appreciate Chapter 4 you have to be open minded to the fact that characters can do "bad" things and it doesn't make them bad people, and that situations can be deeply and blatantly unfair to those you love and those you hate alike.

It's a really complicated chapter, I see you in being obsessed with it, thank you for coming to my Ted talk lol.

(I didnt even know you could send asks this long holy hell!!)

I can see that ch5 and ch6 have a long more areas of wiggle room and ambiguity to play around in. It's no surprise hangar fics are so common. I guess that makes a good deal of sense- the interest in ch4 is less in "What happened that we didnt see" and more the implications of what concretely happened on the characters and their motivations/inner thoughts for doing what they did.

An image I have in my head extremely vividly of trial 4 is Kaito, Shuichi, and Kokichi arguing with eachother (metaphorically with truth bullets- Ideals vs Truth vs Lies (Ive been struggling to think of an art composition along this theme since I finished the damn chapter a year ago ghdsjkf)) with Gonta in the centre in the crossfire. It is a BRUTAL chapter for all of these characters. But within that there is so much to dig into. What was going through Kaito's head as it became increasingly clear Gonta could not be innocent? How did Shuichi deal with his number one support lashing out and rejecting him like he did? What the genuine fuck was going through Kokichi's head?

I'm going to be fully honest here (so I apologize if this is a bit blunt or anything I am trying my best), but I REALLY struggle to grapple with Kokichi's role in ch4 wrt gonta in any type of sympathetic light. With Miu and Kokichi I see the complexity in its entirety. It's heartbreaking to think that those two were friends and Miu chose to target him in her desperation, and Kokichi had to deal with the fact that she was trying to kill him AND with whatever he saw from the truth of the outside world. But when it comes to Gonta.. I almost feel like I can't talk about it objectively. Even just thinking about the trial from that perspective makes my stomach turn in knots. But there is an amount of fun in that yknow?? I cannot tell you how many hours I've spent trying to unravel all that, especially before I played ch5 5 months after I finished trial 4.

The fun and the interest in trial 4 is that its so complex. There's no one complete villain and there's no one true hero, despite what a superficial look at the chapter might tell you (especially pre ch5). Putting these characters in situations where they're so outside of what their standard role in v3 had been so far is so entertaining to me.

Miu asking Kokichi not to struggle as she betrays him (what caused her desperation to get to this point?). Kokichi pushing past being just mischievous and perhaps insensitive to being downright cruel (and what caused the change in his behaviour). Kaito's righteous anger and rejection of Shuichi, his desperation to defend Gonta. (fun fact- they used a sprite for Kaito here that is only used twice in the game AFAIR, once when Gonta is proved without a shadow of a doubt to be guilty, again when he saw the truth of the outside world. It's one of my favourite Kaito sprites). Shuichi having to push through the trial with his only support being Kokichi (which he does not necessarily want) and Kiibo with everyone else against him. The subversion of what Gonta had been saying about himself, and what his classmates had been implying about him the entire time, that he is not stupid, and they've all been brushing him aside because of their own preconceptions, hurting him in the process. It drives me insane. It's so good.

You're so so right, and thank you for this ask. This is the kind of analysis of ch4 that I ADORE.

[kimium]

For the character ask: Natsu (fairy tail) and/or Junko (danganronpa)

(From this ask HERE)

Thanks, Anon! You picked some great characters! This is long, so the rest is under the cut!

Natsu (Fairy Tail)

Sexuality headcanon

Natsu is bi/pansexual. To me he is the kind of person to not really notice gender, but rather someone's fighting ability/kindness. He has shades of himbo, which probably adds to me thinking he thinks all genders are cool and interesting.

2. OTP

I really like NaLu (Natsu/Lucy). I think the big reason why I like it is because they are friends first and foremost. They bicker, care, and support one another as friends. So, even if I didn't ship them, I would be on board with them as friendship duo. However, since I ship them I think their friendship is an excellent springboard for romance. Many straight ships in media just bank on the characters being together because "they're a man and a woman", but have no chemistry. I think Natsu and Lucy have a ton of chemistry and thus they're my OTP.

3. BROTP

Natsu and Sting both have dumbass energy that when combined create an even stronger dumbass. I really love their interactions during the tournament arc and I like how they're sort of foils of one another, with Sting also being a bit of a hot-head.

4. NOTP

Natsu/Erza. To me they have sibling energy with Erza as the older sister and Natsu her little brother. They both care for one another and are there to hold one up, but both have some dumbass energy that's just enough for them to both get into stupid situations of their own doing.

5. First headcanon that pops into my head

It's been a long while since I watched Fairy Tail so I cannot remember if this is canon, but I think Natsu loves spicy food. Not only does he like spicy food, but it doesn't affect him. He can eat some of the hottest peppers in the world and barely flinch while others are Dying.

6. Favourite line from this character

Oh boy... there are simply too many episodes and lines for me to remember. So, I think I'll go with a scene, because that's easier. I have two scenes in mind.

The first scene is during the tournament arc when Natsu says something along the lines of "one point matters in the end" as he's competing in his first "battle". What I like about this line is how Natsu believes in always giving things your all, even if you think you're going to "lose". I think that mindset is very important for people to have, especially young kids, who don't know how to deal with loss and try to give up.

The next scene is a softer one: it's when Natsu first sees Zeref during the S-Wizard rank arc. I like this scene because upon first watch, everyone is as confused as Natsu. However, if you re-watch the scene, the tragedy, joy, heartbreak, and sorrow are so plain to see in Zeref's face that for a moment he forgets everything except Natsu.

7. One way in which I relate to this character

I think I relate the most to Natsu's unwavering kindness. He sees the best in people and that's how Lucy entered the guild: he simply believed she's a good person and gave her a chance. And that's what Natsu represents to me: chances. He never believes people cannot have another chance at redemption and that's a quality I think is very admirable.

8. Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

Look, if I named everything Natsu does that gives me second hand embarrassment, we'd be here all day. He's just a goofy character and unapologetically living his best life. I suppose if I had to pick one thing it would be the motion sickness? But that's a shared trait all dragon slayers possess, so it's not just Natsu who embarrasses me.

9. Cinnamon roll or Problematic Fave?

This boy is the very definition of a cinnamon roll.

Junko Enoshima (Danganronpa)

I'm forewarning everyone: Junko is the character in Danganronpa I am the most "head empty" about. This doesn't mean I don't like her, it's just I'm pretty neutral.

Sexuality headcanon

I don't really have a sexuality headcanon for Junko. I just don't think Junko has ever thought about her sexuality and wouldn't care about gender. If she is looking for someone to date then she'd want someone who is interesting and not boring, which whittles the cast down to like two people? I think?

2. OTP

I don't really have a ship for Junko. I know in the light novel, DR0, she has an interesting relationship with Matsuda, but since I haven't really read the light novel (just a summary) I don't have an opinion.

3. BROTP

Again, I don't really have a clue. I guess if we went with a "non despair AU" then I think Junko and Naegi being a BROTP would be hilarious. Mostly because I think it would consist of a Very Confused, but Polite Naegi and a Junko who goes around calling Naegi her "bestie".

4. NOTP

I don't ship Junko with anyone so therefore I don't have a NOTP with her too.

5. First headcanon that pops into my head

Junko spent WEEKS deciding what Monokuma looks like and what kind of voice and personality she wanted to give Monokuma. Like, she literally did not sleep for almost an entire week planning what she wanted for Monokuma. All the Monokumas we see in Towa City are either beta concepts she scrapped or ideas she wanted to implement but didn't fit the "school" vibe she wanted. Also in this process I think she sewed a lot of stuffies and thus her (and Mukuro's) room were covered in bear plushies.

6. Favourite line from this character

I think my favourite line from her is from Danganronpa: Another Episode (Ultra Despair Girls), "Oh well. I suppose I'll leave the rest to you. Though, the next time I see you you'll be someone else entirely. I hope the future is one you cannot predict."

I think I like this line because it's directed to Kamukura and the call back to SDR2 (since you play SDR2 before AE, even if in the timeline SDR2 is after) makes me so happy.

7. One way in which I relate to this character

Junko is a twin and so am I. The thought of what she did to Mukuro, while utterly horrific and tragic, is strangely something I can understand as an act to "create despair." Not just for Mukuro who was betrayed but for Junko who did the betraying.

8. Thing that give me second hand embarrassment about this character

In the final trial for DR1 when she's flipping through personas and lands on the really crass one with her tongue sticking out... yeah... I know that her personalities are reflecting the final members of the trial (so this one is for Touko), but yeah... never liked that.

9. Cinnamon roll or Problematic Fave?

I want you to take Problematic Fave, put it at the beginning of the spectrum, then put Junko as FAR AWAY to the other side of the spectrum. That's just how much of a problematic fave she is.

[ruminate88]

Diary and healing journal after emotional abuse:

09/07/24 11:27 pm

Hahaha ME in my 30s, feeling like I’m 100 💀 BUT dancing around the house to music like I’m 20 again lol 😂 knowing something is going to eventually hurt a leg or something THEN get super hot cuz I have a sweatshirt on and I’m on my 2nd cup of coffee. I have one of those coffee mugs that is bluetooth so you can control the heat from your phone. YOU BET I keep that temp at the highest it can go. Who drinks cold coffee anyway? 😜 yuck!

The thing is, before I understood the affects of emotional abuse, i dated/was traumatized by 3 men in my 20’s. I got into my 30’s and everything falls apart!! I couldn’t even wear makeup anymore. My hormones went totally wack on me and even in the last few years felt sick all around. Extreme tiredness. Not even sleepy tired, I actually struggle to fall asleep some nights without a melatonin BUT no energy and the melatonin makes me even more lazy and drag. The wrong magnesium also makes me so tired. Gotta take magnesium citrate!!! 👍🏻 that one actually gives me a little boost but not a lot.

My mother’s body fell apart in her 50s. That’s like normal for the change of life. I’m not there BUT I have felt there at times. 😳I noticed similar symptoms though even with my mom in law who has ALSO now faced the change of life and fell apart in her body BUT ALSO, my brother in law (her son) is dating a girl who is a manipulative person and we’ve had to all put up with her (well I didn’t want to from the start!! I sounded the alarm but no one would hear me.) my mom in law questioned me so much almost as if I WAS THE BAD GUY! Then she finally realized the truth after a tragedy has already taken place this year. Now she believes me but ugh my stomach couldn’t handle all that and gave way.

between having already gone through betrayal trauma and abusive relationships, then covid, THEN my bro in law brings this girl around that constantly is causing problems with everyone accept me …. she doesn’t talk to me and blocked me on Snapchat (cuz she knows I know the truth about her) she can’t be fake with me, like she is with everyone else. She had to show her true colors to me early on.

seems like with toxic people in your life, there is always drama, turmoil, chaos, trauma, tragedy and health issues. I don’t hate that girl or anyone from my past but can’t function around them or trust them. They always got beef with everyone in their OWN family, let alone your’s. This girl constantly be fighting with everyone and can’t get along. Always losing friends and then some how those friends come back… guess it’s no different than when I went back to Cody the 2nd time. You some how find it in your heart to give them another chance BUT you always end up getting burnt. 🥵

I grew up in a loving, positive, Christian home where you’re told to love everyone and be nice!!! NO ONE prepared me for abusive relationships. I loved my exes as hard as I couid….. Jesus turned the other cheek. (So did I) I TOOK THE HURT, THE BETRAYAL and THE TRAUMA. I swallowed it all up and didn’t do anything back to them. I never tried to get revenge on anyone. You know why??? I wasn’t built to hate people. Yet, I have since learned to stand up for myself MORE and I’m learning you can’t just believe in people automatically. Not everyone that comes in your life has good intentions

I say it all the time, I can’t judge my exes BUT I discerned their actions and learn who they are. They broke my trust… I will NEVER see them the way I did when I was falling in love with them ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹 EVERYTHING has changed but I still don’t hate them 🥰🥰 I love them deep in my heart and I always think about them and even when I’m sad or hurting from them, I’m not holding on to the anger PLUS don’t wanna live bitter. Yet I’m having to heal all these wounds from them and it’s been a painfully long and tiring process but I’m learning so much including patience 🙏🏻

be compassionate to yourself, learn what a healthy relationship is. Learn what real love is!!! Find a good group or church to be with and also be careful who you get your advice from and who you open up to! Not everyone is going to understand what you’ve been through nor can everyone help you!! Hope this helps 🙏🏻❤️‍🩹❤️ it’s ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!! knowing how to treat people and HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED can help 🙏🏻❤️‍🩹 (however it’s not a fix all over night. Healing takes time and it’s different for each person.)

[darthdesire]

Narcissistic Abuse

Symptoms of Long Term Narcissistic Abuse

1. Short Term Memory Loss

2. Moodiness

3. Isolation from friends and family

4. Anxiety or depression or unexplained physical symptoms.

5. Losing your self-identity or sense of self and identify with your narcissistic abusive partner.

6. Always feel like you’ve done something wrong

7. Inability to confront your narcissistic partner or leave them

8. Having trouble making decisions at home, at work, and for the family

9. Having a sense of mistrust for everyone

Examples of Narcissistic Abuse

1. Gaslighting you into not trusting your memory, sanity, or reality.

2. Manipulating feelings to distort your reality and having you mistrust friends or family or making you believe you deserve better than the good friends/ family that you have.

3. Emotional blackmail like “If you leave I will hurt myself” or destroying your personal property. This will make you comply to avoid tragedy.

4. Overwhelming affection or love bombing, especially after difficult fights to keep you hooked.

5. Denial or trivialization, belittling you or making you feel overreactive to specific events to make you question your reality.

6. never-ending contract, after breaking up they “accidentally” text or call you to get you speaking to them again and rope you back into their lives.

How to heal yourself from narcissistic abuse.

1. Awareness of the fact you were involved in an emotionally abusive relationship. This relationship could be from a parent, sibling, coworker, boss, the government, or even with yourself.

2. After acknowledging these realities you must let them go, stop blaming yourself for the decisions the other person made against you. You are independent of them and can chart your own path in life.

3. After letting go you can set boundaries like no contact, if possible. Maybe children are involved in the relationship. You are not obligated to interact with anyone outside of what you need to say to get through the day. You also need to be specific about the boundaries you intend to keep, like not yelling at you or setting a specific form of communication that they must respect or there will be consequences.

4. Seek professional help. With a therapist you could:

1. Identify the reasons why you accept abuse

2. Build coping skills to help you navigate abusive relationships

3. Resist the urge to remain in contact with somebody who’s abusive

4. Become open and honest with others in your life about the abuse you’ve experienced

5. Figure out if symptoms of anxiety, depression, or another mental health condition might be coming into play

6. Deal with and overcome any thoughts you might be having about self-harm or suicide

5. Practice self compassion by becoming aware of the healing process of the gains you make after the relationship ends. You are deserving of love and no one has a right to tell you otherwise.

6. Be patient, time, meditation, letting go, self forgiveness, and awareness of these things will set you free, eventually.

7. Exercise self care:

1. Paying attention to your stress level

2. Getting enough sleep

3. Eating healthy

4. Taking the time to do things you enjoy

5. Connecting or reconnecting with people in your life who are positive

6. Getting physical activity in your day

7. Using the coping skills you learn in therapy to help you manage your relationships

8. Practicing mindfulness, yoga, or other relaxation techniques

8. Lean on support for loved ones for they will:

1. Give you the compassion you’ve been lacking

2. Distract you

3. Keep you busy on especially difficult days

4. Validate your pain

5. Continuously remind you that this isn’t your fault

Narcissism is a tool of the dark side, when left unchecked it becomes a dangerous, recurring thing. It may be more difficult to discover the light side in your life, but not impossible. It may even feel easier to surround yourself with the dark side instead of finding balance in yourself. This is also an illusion, understanding the darkness of your reality and knowing who you are, you can find balance in the force and within yourself.

[llycaons]

ep31 (1/2): things are not so bad yet

tw: eye horror

I had to watch this on my mobile hotspot because my apt's wifi sucks in the living room :( anyway this is one of the most fucked up episodes in the show

but first: a happy boy planting lotuses. bare legs look. he's so handsome I love him

wq watching fondly 🥰 you know I love a lesbian wq reading but there's subtext in this episode that points readily to her having a thing for wwx

there's also subtext that she has a thing for jyl so pick your tragedy ig. the one sibling she definitely isn't into is jc

I love this face it's so cute!!

like here. she sees the invite and pauses heavily on lwj's name. wq isn't a selfish person by any means, but it's easy to see her settling into their lives here, content, with wwx, only to be reminded that the outside world - and someone wwx shares a deep connection with - is still out there

but when she hands over the invite, she only mentions jyl. so who can say

previously, wwx tried to keep wq from discovering the visit from his siblings because he didn't want to make her feel guilty, I think. but she doesn't seem guilty now, she just seems...taken aback. a little reluctant, if still perfectly pleasant. it's easy to read as self-denial. I think in her life, whatever she's wanted, wq has practice in self-denial for the sake of the group. that's something that lends itself rly well to a wlw reading

I thought it was three month/100 days this entire time....we went to my cousin's three-month, they rented out the whole upstairs of a restaurant and we had like eight courses. she's like, nine? now

I always feel bad for this baby in this scene. wonderful symbolism and all, it comes back really well later on. but this poor child is clearly not having a great time at the shoot

STOP this hurts so bad. wwx loved jl so much already and worked so hard and wanted to give this gift to him!!! and he never will know!!!

okay this is one of the things that was much better done in the book. in the novel wen ning attacked jzx BECAUSE of wwx's animosity towards jzx, long-held since childhood. obviously wwx didn't want to kill jzx in that moment, but he really did lose control of wn and wn acted on what he perceived wwx's feelings to be

in the show it was su she taking control of him and directing him to kill jzx, which despite my bias even I can agree is a weaker dramatic narrative

what a way to start this fight. wwx was almost DEAD dead

LEGEND. zixun has had altercations w wwx in the past and is a prominent member of the jin family, so the fact that wwx didn't remember him is genuinely so funny

YESSSS tell him

THIS EXPRESSION IS SO FUNNY. the doubt.jpg. like 'you really think you can do that? YOU? kill ME?

well he can still hurt wwx with his words I guess 😭

oh he tried so hard. he had such good intentions. he would have been a good dad

I find this aside neat bc we barely see jyl with other jins. jzx has accepted her into his family but is willing to go over her head for revenge and apologize later. and he's clearly panicked and afraid about this curse, which is really nasty

BUT jzx is loyal to his wife!

zixun talking about wwx like any association with him is a stain that will affect everyone he comes into contact with is so representative of how the cultivation world sees wwx and he knows it. they're talking feet away from him

FUCKED UP!!!!!!

IT'S NOT PARANOIA IF THEY'RE REALLY OUT TO GET YOU

if wwx had agreed to stand down, I don't think jzx would have tried to kill him. but who can say what zixun or the panicked archers would have done. and once they get to koi tower, I don't see any way out for them

dang, fucked up

and then-

you can see the instant he goes FUCKKKKK

DROPPING HIS SWORD HE DROPPED HIS SWORD

[spotconln]

the tragedy (turned success) of girls in the strike is something so dear to me. i especially love it when the vulnerability is talked about. yes, spot said no at first, but she wasn’t doing it to be cruel. she had to be certain and cautious. she may be a strong leader, but she’s still a girl. she can be nervous and scared and unsure. uk spot has genuinely become my favorite character because of how much more depth she gets from not only being a girl, but a woman of color.

and, talking about spot being vulnerable, i’ve got quite a few scenes in what i call my 92sies girlsies rewrite where she goes back and forth on the merits of joining the strike. because i love this fic:

“Okay, fine,” Spot concedes, sighing. “Jus’ distracted, is all.”

“Over what the boys said?” continues Stray.

She nods, fidgeting with the fabric tied around her neck. “It’s jus’... do ya girls really think this strike could do somethin’? Be worth the trouble?”

A thoughtful silence takes over the group.

“I mean, ya did make some points earlier,” Mack offers, “‘bout tryna keep everyone safe. ‘Specially the youngers.”

“Yeah,” Scope agrees, “The job ain’t perfect, but we got free range’a the turf. Can’t say the same for the factory or industry kids. Newsies don’t lose limbs, don’t get stuffy air hours a day. An’ it’s sure better than…” she pauses with a grimace, “The alternative, for the older gals.”

A collective shudder passes through them. Finding work in the seedier areas of the city isn’t anyone’s first choice, most refuse to consider it an option. Spot can only hope, for herself and her siblings, that when she ages out of being a newsie, there’s more favorable work available for her. She’d even take the lowest factory job if it keeps her siblings fed.

When she ages out of being a newsie. For all she knows, she may not even be a newsie by next week, never mind in several months. The thought of what comes next doesn’t cross her mind often, only as a passing thought she pushes aside until the next time it pops up.

“They’s all protected with us,” adds Pips, “If any’a them are bein’ beat on, they got all’a us’ta back ‘em up. They got us makin’ sure they got food an’ lodgin’ for the night. I doubt they’ll get that sorta treatment anywhere else.”

“More than that, I ain’t sure if we can trust ‘em guys jus’ yet,” admits Stray.

“Yeah, I thought so too,” Spot nods.

“They’s impulsive, most’a them probably didn’t think beyond emotions and jumped right into strikin’. They’re wild an’ might make this whole deal more trouble than it’s worth. Get us into more trouble than we can handle.”

“An’ there’s no tellin’ how long a strike could go on for,” Spot nods. “Days, weeks, months. ‘Less we all find different work, we ain’t gonna last that long.”

“New work jus’ means we’s given up,” Lucky argues, shaking her head. “Means we don’t care ‘bout what we’s fightin’ for enough. Ain’t that what you was jus’ tellin’ Kelly?”

“It’s more than jus’ havin’ the emotional an’ physical strength, Luck. We gotta have the financial strength too.” Spot explains. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but ya got Clover workin’ her own job, makin’ enough for the both’a ya. If we do go broke from strikin’, at least ya got some sort’a backup.”

“Look, Medda’s a doll, truly, but even then Belle’s barely makin’ enough to cover herself, much less me. I need the money like the rest’a you. An’ I get the arguments, but I’m with ‘Hattan. Strikin’s the best course of action. Price hike may be manageable the first, what—days, weeks, but that sixty’s gonna affect us at some point. We’ll be losin’ more than we spend.”

“I agree with that,” Ritz says. “We’s gonna lose the money anyhow. I’d rather it be for good reason. Fightin’ for what’s right.”

Spot’s hands twist themselves in the fabric. While her previous thoughts being validated is a minor relief, the differing opinions tear her even further from a solid decision. “We can preach righteousness all we want, but it ain’t gonna change the fact that if it fails it’ll be a waste.”

“We don’t know that, Spot,” says Pips gently, catching her attention with a hand on her arm. “Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t. But we won’t know ‘til we try.”

“But what if…” Spot shuts her eyes with a sigh, “Is it selfish to say I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout what this’d do to me? Maybe I was a little harsh sayin’ the other boroughs would turn on me—us, but ya can’t rule it out as an option, right?”

“It’s not a complete chance of zero,” Mack says, “But like the boys said, folks respect ya too much for that. An’ for good reason. Managin’ to wrangle all’a Brooklyn’s newsies into a fiercesome group’a kids like you have? I don’t think bein’ a girl or Filipino’s gonna change that,” she considers her words, then shrugs. “For most, at least.”

thinking about a newsies production where the last scab right before the seize the day dance break is a girl. or even all three of them. historically girls were more often scabs—something something they have to be more cautious about keeping their jobs. they’re more hesitant about where to put their trust (them or them?).

[sanjarka]

What do you think about Hijacked Peeta storyline in Mockingjay?

Is it narrative-ly satisfied for Peeta's arc?

Thank you,

@curiouspeetamellark

i already written about this in a previous post of mine, but it's pretty long so I'm just gonna copy the parts about peeta's hijacking here:

/@curiouspeetamellark i tried my best to only keep the most important parts. i just have a lot of feelings and don't know what do with them/

the tragedy of peeta's hijacking and how he was unconsciously preparing himself for it.

i am not implying that it was his fault or responsibility, and i don't believe it was necessary, nothing was. however, there is a reason why certain narratives include certain people.

and when we look back at the story, we can see how it was almost predictable. that it was foreshadowed, not only by the conversation on the roof in the first book, where he tells us that he wants to prove that the capitol doesn't own him, but also by who he is as a person. then we can see how his hijacked and true selves are entangled with one other.

although he appears to be more emotionally mature than katniss he is still just a child. he still traumatized, insecure, stubborn, lonely, prideful and scared. he is also trying to survive. it just looks different. his emotional maturity wasn't created from a good and safe place. he grew up with an abusive mother, a father who repeatedly betrayed him by failing to protect him, distant brothers, and as a result of that he feels insignificant and unneeded.

much as katniss survived by numbing herself out, in the years after her father's death, by letting her feelings happen outside of her, i feel as though peeta did the exact opposite. that he grew fixated on attempting to comprehend everything and everyone. that he became obsessed with overthinking and overanalyzing his thoughts rather than feeling them. his drawings and paintings are an escape form and that's his ways of surviving.

it feels like there is this sense of loneliness that follows him, is stuck to him, and that affects the type of relationships he builds with other people - distant ones.

while katniss's walls are so obvious, peeta's are unexpected and hidden. peeta goes through life hiding from others whilst katniss hides from herself.

it takes actual hard effort for him to let people and in many ways i think that katniss is the first one with that privilege. that she is his exception. and that it wasn't instant. that it did happen slowly.

so when i think of him, i don't picture a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve and is naturally open. we can see how good of an actor and liar he is. him being open is him making conscious decision to do so and not something he can't control.

other people see his love for katniss, not because he doesn't know how to hide it, but because he wants them to see it - it's the only time honesty was beneficial for him.

/we rarely see him being comforted by katniss and being the "weak" one. and it has nothing to do with her. he's the one who isn't prepared for it. he is apprehensive about being looked after. katniss may be challenging in this area too, although not as much as peeta. because her home was once a happy and safe place and being with peeta reminds her of those times while peeta is experiencing feeling safe for the first time. that's terrifying. he must be strong and and he must be capable, must be perfect, before he can even consider himself worthy of love. so it will take a long time for peeta to break that, to allow himself to show sides of him that are fragile,messy and ugly/

the loudest flaw of his is exactly this tendency to hide from others which results in bottling things up and letting them fester inside of him, particularly anger. we almost never see peeta lose control of his emotions and considering the situation that he is in, i don't think it's a positive trait really.

he never learned how to express anger in a healthy manner because, after all, it's supposed to be terrible, right? however, anger should not be associated with hurting or lashing out at people. the way to deal with anger is to let yourself feel it. not to repress it. but how can i expect peeta to be any different when the first attribute he would give to his mother would be anger? and the one thing he wants to prove to himself is that he isn't like her.

his hijacking is a tragedy, not only because he dreads becoming a piece in their games as a form of defiance, but also because it creates a complete lack of self control in a character who prides himself on it - the one thing he's certain is entirely his.

take an abused boy and abuse him some more, then take away his agency, rendering him powerless over emotions that aren't even his, while giving an outlet to those that are, that had been waiting for a moment like this one. take that anger, that he is so deathly afraid of, and make it his primary way of communicating. make him hurt the one person he trusted the most, felt safest with and then blame her for everything. make his hurting her fault and her responsibility.

and clearly, we know that the only real culprits of this crime are snow and the capitol and no one else but them, but hijacking works with the already existing insecurities and fears of its victim. it feeds off of its host. and considering that, it couldn't have found a better one.

-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-–-

the tragedy was the point. to have both katniss and peeta experience their worst case scenario (outside of loosing each other). this was just my way of explaining why i think peeta loosing self control is equivalent to katniss loosing prim. was it absolutely needed and did the story absolutely had to go this way? not really but isn't that the point too.

[johnsamericano]

❃ Welcome to the new edition of 23 days of NCT! In celebration of my 1k milestone, I decided to make a compilation of short stories of each member, starting from the youngest and ending with the leader. All these stories have the same theme: how they realized they’d fallen in love, though they all have different genres. Send a message if you’d like to be added to the taglist. Happy reading! ❃

☞ taglist: @morningsunandnightsky @soberhani @aaasteroidsky @chenlewifey @piaozhisheng @doeilovr @aedreamzy @multistan30 @legbouk

☞ [Release date: October 22nd]

~

~

~

Ꭰąվ 𝟙

➱ Ƥɑɾƙ Jísմղց

Jisung is a shy boy, someone who can’t tell the difference between love and simple affection. It isn't until his partner starts to drift away from him that things finally start becoming crystal clear.

Ꭰąվ ϩ

➱ Ȥհօղց ƇհҽղƖҽ

Between all the banter Chenle had with his best friend, he fails to notice how his heart starts beating faster at your presence, how his cheeks turn rosy as if he’d run a marathon. A fool in love is what people would call someone like him.

Ꭰąվ Ӡ

➱ Jմղց Տմղցϲհɑղ

As a new member of NCT, Sungchan hasn't had the opportunity to meet every member of the staff. One fortunate day, WayV’s makeup artist shows up to get him ready for a photoshoot, causing his heart to beat uncontrollably at every accidental touch you give him.

Ꭰąվ ५

➱ Ơsɑƙí Տհօեɑɾօ

The owner of the coffee shop he visits every morning seems suspiciously interested in the Japanese boy, but considering his busy schedule, Shotaro avoids any giving her any hopes. All the emotions he'd tried to suppress hit him like a truck as her eyes start drifting to other people.

Ꭰąվ Ƽ

➱ líմ Ƴɑղցყɑղց

Being a foreigner has never been easy for Yangyang. Everyone seems to be running away from him, except for a funny stranger. Friendship slowly starts turning into something else, and the Chinese boy fears you don't feel the same.

Ꭰąվ Ϭ

➱ Ɲɑ Jɑҽʍíղ

Jaemin’s the most popular guy on campus. Having a body count almost equal to the number of students there, he's sure he can get whoever he wants in bed. That is until a stubborn, fashion student refuses him.

Ꭰąվ 7

➱ lҽҽ Ӈɑҽϲհɑղ

His partner for the biology final project seems to be a pain in the ass, but Haechan soon finds the source of her behavior. And the situation seems to be more complex than he ever imagined.

Ꭰąվ 𝟠

➱ lҽҽ Jҽղօ

A vampire falling for a human? That kind of thing could only happen in movies.

Ꭰąվ ९

➱ Ӈմɑղց Rҽղᴊմղ

The company takes all of the members to the beach for a new edition of NCT life. During his time there, he meets another tourist, with whom he’ll develop a relationship bound to end in tragedy.

Ꭰąվ 𝟙⊘

➱ Ẃօղց Ƙմղհɑղց

A little someone keeps visiting his dreams, delivering pleasure beyond imagination. But what happens when the one he thought was a product of his imagination bumps into him on the busy streets of Seoul?

Ꭰąվ 𝟙𝟙

➱ Xíɑօ Ɗҽᴊմղ

A one-night stand turns into a regular occasion, and you can't help to catch feelings, feelings that Xiaojun would never reciprocate.

Ꭰąվ 𝟙ϩ

➱ lҽҽ Ɱɑɾƙ

You met on a rainy night at a hidden bar in a dark alley of Itaewon. Your encounter seemed like a pure coincidence, a kind gesture of the universe. But when you meet for the second time, it feels as if you were meant to be.

Ꭰąվ 𝟙Ӡ

➱ Ẃօղց Ƴմƙհҽí

Yukhei isn’t one to fall for those he sleeps with, but you, a stranger he met by chance, manage to steal his heart with just a few smiles.

Ꭰąվ 𝟙५

➱ Ƙíʍ Jմղցաօօ

Monsters like Kim Jungwoo should never have the chance to fall in love, but faith has put you in his path, and he’s willing to let go of his past life as long as you stay by his side.

Ꭰąվ 𝟙Ƽ

➱ Ɗօղց Տíϲհҽղց

Sicheng has spent most of his life with you, the girl next door. Now, on the eve of leaving for college, he realizes how afraid he is to lose you.

Ꭰąվ 𝟙Ϭ

➱ Jմղց Jɑҽհყմղ

The new manager of dream is nothing like the ones they’d had before, and Jaehyun can't help but follow her around like a magnet.

Ꭰąվ 𝟙7

➱ Ƭҽղ lҽҽ

A new brand starts paving its way in the fashion industry, and the young, lively owner, seems to be oddly interested in Ten.

Ꭰąվ 𝟙𝟠

➱ Ƙíʍ Ɗօყօմղց

Falling for the smartest student at school wasn't your best idea, especially when you were the exact opposite of him.

Ꭰąվ 𝟙९

➱ Qíɑղ Ƙմղ

Having spent 12 years as a single father, his little girl means the world to him, so when a new woman enters his life, he has no other option but to listen to his daughter, who was an odd hatred towards his dad’s girlfriend.

Ꭰąվ ϩ⊘

➱ Ɲɑƙɑʍօեօ Ƴմեɑ

Yuta is offered a place to stay with his cousin during his time as an exchange student. What he doesn't expect is to have a third roommate, who seems to be ready to jump on his bones any time.

Ꭰąվ ϩ𝟙

➱ Տҽօ Jօհղղყ

Best friends’ younger sisters are out of limits, right? That's what Johnny kept repeating to himself as time went by, and you seemed more and more distant.

Ꭰąվ ϩϩ

➱ Ɱօօղ ƬɑҽíƖ

His feelings get number with every day he spends by your side. Wondering if his burning love for you will ever come back, he decides to ask for a break. But his doubts soon crumble down as his bed becomes colder without you laying there.

Ꭰąվ ϩӠ

➱ lҽҽ Ƭɑҽყօղց

Taeyong has a busy life. Barely being able to take care of himself, he finds it hard to open up to someone else, even if that person's only interest is to take the weight off his shoulders.

[jazzythursday]

I’m about to go into another very long Marvel rant/dissertation here— mostly for myself— that I started writing soon after the Loki Series finale so please feel free to just scroll past this, because honestly I think I kinda overdid this one. It’s jaded and overly dramatic even for me. You have been warned:

The last 4 Marvel movies/shows I’ve watched left me feeling so completely depressed and unsatisfied and hopeless about the future of popular entertainment and story telling in general, and I know I’m not the only one. The fact that fans are going into these experiences hoping for a good story and character arcs that make sense with prior characterization, and leaving feeling… empty is a very clear sign that their approach leaves a lot to be desired.

Infinite War had some valid reasons to end the way it did, because by having our heroes fall so much harder than ever before, it built up the tension and high stakes for the next film. But what does that do when Endgame leaves us feeling even worse? I wanted them to triumph and finally come together to be better. I expected there would be losses of course but not enough to negate the wins. Instead the characters were subjugated for plot, characterization was watered down, and we lost all the original Avengers besides Thor and Bruce (who was no longer even Bruce). Peter loses Tony, Thor’s previous loses are permanent, and so many other things that, in spite of loving a lot of the movie, mean I haven’t been able to stop being sad about it for literal years. And the amount of thoughtless destruction that seems to be at an all time high when it comes to character’s lives and disregard for properly exploring emotions just doesn’t leave much to be expected at this point. Far From Home was good. It was. I liked it a lot. The acting was wonderful and there were some really interesting themes they grappled with but I still walked out of the theater feeling like there was still so much detachment surrounding a lot of the decisions, a little too much thoughtlessness (that, and the gaping hole of Tony). I’m not going to talk about WandaVistion but I’ll say that I was invested until the start of episode 8, and finished episode 9 feeling drained and tired and sad.

Then we get to Loki, a show which has plagued far too many of my thoughts since I started watching it, and has crushed my hopes for ever truly being happy with a Marvel project ever again. Loki is a character who’s ostensibly felt alienated and unseen for most of his life, and that’s before finding out about his parentage. His first movie ends with his suicide attempt and subsequent fall into the void. His second takes place a year into working under Thanos and ends with him being taken away in chains (yes I know he’s the villain he’s done bad things etc. etc. but for the purposes of this I’m only focusing on his pov). Then his third involves his solitary imprisonment, his mother’s death, and his near-death (considering the likelihood that he was actually stabbed), although it does end on a lighter note with his acquisition of the throne. Then we get his redemption and reconciliation with Thor in Ragnarok, immediately followed by the utter tragedy that is the first 10 minutes of Infinite War, which I don’t think I need to explain.

So what I suppose I’m saying here (very very inadequately) is that after all of that, I can’t believe the proper story to tell in his first chance at being a main protagonist was one where he’s constantly degraded and beat up, convicted of things he didn’t actually do, given no focus on backstory or implied/established motivations, and labeled as a clown and a narcissist! His powers are weakened, he displays almost no recognizable mannerisms or competence, he’s held to a higher moral standard than every other character, shown no respect, and ultimately loses EVEN MORE. We’ve seen him lose and lose and lose and lose again. We’ve seen him die THREE TIMES, we’ve seen him redeemed TWICE. So who in their right mind thinks that the most compelling story to tell after all of that was to see him LOSE AGAIN?! And not only lose, but lose without any real triumph, dignity, or acknowledgment beforehand. Death to the author aside, reading the utter nonsense the team behind it have spread, it’s so clear that it wasn’t made in good faith. Whether in ignorance or true maliciousness, they just don’t care. They didn’t research. They didn’t try and see things from his point of view. They didn’t truly sympathize with him as a person while writing. They didn’t understand. And they truly, truly wanted him to fail.

I’m tired of feeling hopeless at the end of everything, of leaving the theater or turning off the TV wondering why I even bothered, why I even care when I’m just being strung along with as little consideration as an audience as my favorite characters. I wanted to actively see him strive to be better, not just be told he could be. I wanted to see him triumph over his demons, not forget them. I wanted to see him be the “master of magic” that every other damn movie has alluded to, and to use his powers effectively. I wanted him to be powerful. I wanted him to, if not win, then win on a personal level at least. I wanted to see him take agency in his life and PROVE EVERYONE WRONG! And, though it’s now bafflingly controversial to say, I wanted it to be told by an experienced and competent writing and directing team that knew and understood his character and were passionate about telling his story.

I would ascribe to the notion of “don’t like it, don’t watch” if I could but I care to much to not be affected by this obvious decline in quality and awareness. And I’m a relatively recent fan. I haven’t been waiting for Loki to get his moment in the sun for 10 years. I’M NEW HERE, and my heart breaks so much for fans of the original movies who have lost their love of Marvel or Loki because of the way it’s been handled. No one should fall further than they can climb up from, and I’m tired of watching loss after loss and never getting the release of gaining enough of it back. What’s the point of caring about these characters if the writers won’t? Of investing in a connecting cinematic universe if it lacks continuity? Of looking for clues and foreshadowing when there isn’t any and the only twists are random and pander to shock value? The way these pieces/characters are being created and interpreted is reductive and incompetent, and for once I’d like to watch something that feels crafted, inspiring, and gratifying to see to the end.

If some people like the Loki show we got, I have no argument against that, because my own opinion is just as subjective as theirs. Though, I’d like to think that if what I want is for the show to be better out of love for the same character, then what they enjoyed from the show can coexist in that. If anyone’s actually read up to this point, I have to admit I’ve forgotten mine. Mostly I just wanted to express my frustrations over how unfeeling and stale most entertainment, specifically from Marvel as of late, has been.

TL;DR: I care too much, waaay too much, Marvel cares too little, Disney doesn’t care at all, and I don’t know how to accept that.

[galadhremmin]

We have derived Caranthir liking the Dwarves (and vice versa) because apparently, Finrod succeeds in every field Caranthir fails, and at this point it's clear this derives from the in-universe writer of the Silm and his own biases. Think about it: "Dark Finwë" , a grumpy, prejudiced lordling, and "Hair Champion", most handsome, noble king, have met with the same people!! Yet the king of the first secret kingdom is everyone's friend, but the prince that trades with them regularly is not... seems sus.

Hence, Caranthir is friends with the Dwarves. (But that is just an interpretation, so you're free to think what you wish, I just have several opinions on in-universe prejudice and the almighty narrative.)

I think that 'we' might actually have been Dawn Felagund years ago. Maybe this reading existed even before that, but I doubt that-- she's been very influential in silm fandom and was long before tumblr was much of a thing. https://dawnfelagund.com/caranthir-the-slandered

I wouldn't say it's 'clear' that what amounts to Caranthir's entire documented personality derives from the bias of the in-universe narrator, though as you can see from Dawn's writing it's a reading you can argue for. There are a number of different approaches you can take to the Silm and its biases anyway. One of the few times when it's absolutely clear the text isn't telling the entire story is when it talks about the Easterlings. I've posted about this before but the recorded names are, uhh.... the ones to betray the elves are unlikely to actually have been named things like 'ugly lord' and 'ugly beard.' 'Dark Finwe' on the other hand is a documented reference to his haircolour being dark like Finwe's own; hardly a negative judgement!

I personally think Caranthir can be exactly as ill-tempered and prejudiced as the Silm paints him without becoming an unsympathetic character. If a writer cannot make a moody, deeply prejudiced man an interesting character that is a failure as a writer; there are after all enough books who manage exactly that. That is not to say choosing not to write him that way is a failure (obviously not), but it's not necessary in order to make a reader feel for him at all.

Just going by the text, I think it actually might make for a more interesting narrative to explore in fic to me. Because he does change his mind about something, and at a very specific moment; when he meets the Haladin. That is much less dramatic if he secretly been as nice and popular as Finrod, and got along with everyone all the time already. He's been raised by Fëanor, who said things like 'No other race shall oust us!' and rallied the Noldor not motivated enough by vengeance for Finwë alone by playing on their deep-seated fear of being replaced by the Secondborn. Very unlikely that had no impact. At best it has made him uninterested in humans in his area (while they're not much of a threat to ruling instead of the elves anyway). The text says they paid them no heed.

And yet! Caranthir sees how brave Haleth and her people are. He 'does her great honour.' He changes his mind and offers them lands. His tragedy to me is not that of a slandered figure, but of this deeply, deeply prejudiced person raised to distrust the motivations of human beings -- who overcomes those beliefs, offers friendship, is rejected! then extends that same trust to the Easterlings anyway... and it's those specific Easterlings, not the ones who ally with his brothers-- who betray them all. And cause the disastrous ending of the Nirnaeth. It's the 'to evil end shall all things turn that they begin well' part of the curse hitting him in the least fair way possible. Someone finally changes for the better, and the outcome is treason and destruction.

That is a very good character arc to me, actually. His aesthetics-based scorn for the Dwarves is reprehensible but strikes me as deeply Elvish, and part of his prejudices. Naugrim is too unflattering a name for them for it not to be common. His temper-- well why can't he have one? Sure there's only one recorded instance -- but that's imo because there are hardly any conversations in the Silm! Anyway I like some people with tempers well enough. Personally I think people are missing out on opiniated grouches.

Obviously the biased anti-Feanorian Pengolodh reading is a nice one, and I have enjoyed a lot of stories written based it. But it's not at all a reading that is necessary for me to read Caranthir as a flawed but sympathetic character. He can have serious faults and still, ultimately, be someone I feel for.

What I was asking though was if I overlooked any canon evidence of Caranthir being particularly, personally fond of the Dwarves; and it seems I did not. Also; there is room for Caranthir growing to like the Dwarves over centuries without an anti-Feanorian bias reading this strong, there is simply no evidence for friendship in the rather barebones narrative (I'm not interested atm because it's wildly overdone to me & I like variety).

That said, in my opinion making Caranthir the hidden, slandered Feanorian Finrod equivalent with a dash of Curufin's Dwarf affection is not as enjoyable as simply working with what little canon character is actually there. Because there is one (and it's not the greedy tax collector of some fanon depictions either imo)

1. To start with, wrt Caranthir as the anti-Finrod, I don't think it works that well. Sure sure dark/light, open/prejudiced, repressed/shouty, but different motivations, different locations, plus they meet very different peoples even if both are Edain-- besides, Caranthir's own older brothers do successfully ally with the Easterlings without betrayal, while Curufin (much more so than Finrod! no Khuzdul for Finrod!) is the Dwarves' Friend(tm). Also, a flawed Finrod already exists. That's just the regular edition. He has his own faults and (very different) tragic arc.

If Finrod never seems to have strong prejudices to overcome, and if he's not confrontational (which... look he's a diplomat. Make of that what you will. Pretty awkward there in Doriath, buddy!) he does have trouble facing his own complicity (he wanted to sail those ships despite the murders) until Sauron beats him to death with it. He leaves Valinor with the idea of ruling but he has to give up the crown. He's ambitious, he seems emotionally repressed, he's.. possibly paying the greater Dwarves to drive the Petty Dwarves out of their ancestral home to build a city? Oops. Depending on the version you go with in that case, of course; there's also ones where he's free of the blame of that one. Not of wanting to sail those ships and being uneasy with the guilt wrt wanting to do so despite their being stolen and murdered for though. No he doesn't kill; but he wants to use the result of it anyway, and to make it worse he is actually half Telerin.

There's also (to be fair, only for sure after the disaster of the Sudden Flame because that's the recorded instance) his guards killing random innocent trespassers to keep his kingdom hidden -- yes, that's right there in Silm, yes he's still King at the time. Beren has to wave that ring. People just seem to miss that he'd be killed without it somehow.

I think it's just too easy to reduce him to the golden perfect opposite of Caranthir. Yes he's described more positively; he's also just mentioned more because unlike Caranthir he rules an actual kingdom, the greatest and richest in Beleriand in fact; and does things that have a lot of very longterm effects, like helping B&L steal a Silmaril. They don't 'meet the same people' anyway -- the Haladin have a different culture from the Beorians which contributes to their reaction to Caranthir (and iirc their later fate).

Sidenote: Dawn's essay attributes the Green Elves helping the Feanorians at Amon Ereb to Caranthir's diplomatic skills; but why not to those of Amras or Amrod? This is the quote; 'Caranthir fled and joined the remnant of his people to the scattered folk of the hunters, Amrod and Amras, and they retreated and passed Ramdal in the south. Upon Amon Ereb they maintained a watch and some strength of war, and they had aid of the Green-elves' -- nothing here indicates it was Caranthir who got them that aid. In fact A&A are the hunters, i.e. more likely to have roamed in various forests where they would have encountered Green Elves, imo.

There's also the very desperate times to consider in which this aid takes place. This is just post Sudden Flame, and even if the Green Elves didn't like Caranthir they probably liked him better than Morgoth. Also, speaking of cosmopolitans, Maedhros allies with, yes, Dwarves (Azaghal), Grey elves, Easterlings (and you might say: Fingolfinians); even part of the remaining people of Dorthonion rally to Himring post sudden flame (that means Edain and Arafinwean followers in Himring, at least for a time), and he manages to be friendly with Felagund despite calling him a badger. ;)

Finrod is not the only other leader to forge diverse alliances, and though B&L ends happily his people mostly do not. Caranthir's not much like Finrod in any way. Not in motivations, temperament, tragic arc. That's fine. No hidden kingdom for a dragon to eat either. Finrod could probably do with being a little less like Finrod sometimes, though he's well-intentioned and likable. Caranthir loves to shout and isn't sneaky. Good for him.

2. Curufin also already exists. His love for Dwarves is one of his defining and redeeming characteristics and boy does he need them. He's daddy's favourite, a sneaky overambitious bitchy bastard who is also a talented smith and linguist, and truly considered a Dwarf friend, which is apparently exceptional. He's quite flawed; tries to help Celegorm force a political marriage, laughs with a bruised mouth, seeming to lose his mind while attempting and failing murder after first losing his own stronghold and then the city he tried to take from his cousin. He's just... a personality. Mostly a bad one! You can feel for him though, because he seems like an utter mess. Many 'i would love to study you' feelings on my part. Would hate for him to be real but also I'd pay to be his therapist.

3. And then finally there's Canon Caranthir. A difficult, prejudiced person who despite that (which doesn't at all have to mean there is no despite, the despite is what makes it juicy)

- seems to be responsible for re-establishing (large scale?) trade with the Dwarves, whatever he might think of them (and they of him) to their mutual benefit. I don't think he's greedy either. It seems like a mutually profitable situation. Access to Dwarvish goods seems pretty vital to Beleriand, and facilitating trade is a real service.

As someone pointed out in the replies, the Silm does mention Dwarvish companies travelling east to Nan Elmoth and menegroth various times, but quote wrt Caranthir says 'Caranthir’s people came upon the Dwarves, who after the onslaught of Morgoth and the coming of the Noldor had ceased their traffic into Beleriand' and 'when the Dwarves began again to journey into Beleriand.'

They stopped at some point and Caranthir's people made it happen again.

- which means he's practical. He seems like he's good at organising, and setting his own feelings aside if necessary despite his prejudice and temper (which is an achievement it wouldn't be without his, hm, everything). Also he and his people as well as the Dwarves work together well because ''either people loved skill and were eager to learn,' despite their (initial?) mutual dislike. Those aren't bad characteristics; seems like it was an exchange of skill as well as goods and possibly providing safe travel opportunities.

I don't like the 'greedy Caranthir' fanon and don't think it is even that easy support entirely with canon. 'They had of it great profit,' the text says-- both Caranthir and the Dwarves. They exchanged skills and knowledge and Caranthir seems to have helped them start trading in Beleriand again. That's hardly Scrooge Mcduck.

- Another thing we can say about canonthir (lol) is that he apparently attaches a lot of value to aesthetics (was he a visual artist? is a he a sculptor like Nerdanel? WORSE: AN ART CRITIC?! Feanorian art critic is truly nightmare fuel) and that's why he dislikes Dwarves (of all things...). Either way points to 'aesthetics' as something apparently important to Caranthir. Which makes sense given who his parents are. What is interesting to me is that this apparently DOESN'T matter to Curufin, who is a lot like Feanor in most things. That's interesting!

I've never, never seen this but I think it would be very funny to attribute his aesthetic prejudices to Nerdanel. I love her; but why should her opinions be perfect? I know she wasn't considered beautiful herself, but she's an artist. She's got to have had some strong opinions on aesthetics anyway. I doubt it's the beards; Mahtan had one as well. And 'stunted'...at least some of this comes down to the Elvish obsession with height yet again. Hm.

- eventually Caranthir overcomes what have to be some very deeply held beliefs about human beings and their place in the world, and offers what for all intents and purposes looks like real friendship, not the ruling over Men Feanor seems to have had in mind at best. He's capable of real change!

Anyway his character works just fine to me from canon, and what he achieves and the ways in which he fails are more interesting that way rather-- neither slandered Feanorian Finrod 2.0 nor Curufin 'Dwarf Fan' Feanorion without the sneakiness and murder attempts pack the same punch as a stupidly prejudiced grouchy man doing his best anyway for centuries in this stupid ugly cursed land, eventually changing for the better, opening up-- and being brutally punished for it by the Doom.

Dammit. I hope there's therapy in the Everlasting Darkness.

hm a bit long but that's what I get for trying to gather my thoughts wrt why after considering it a bit transferring Curufin's love for Dwarves to Caranthir is a bit boring to me personally. Though there are still stories that still do it very well.