bushelofmuses

[bushelofmuses]

This seems like a thing @wearepaladin could maybe get behind.

[bushelofmuses]

*covered in blood* I'm literally fine guys. im still funny. Would you like to hear a joke Im going to tell you a joke

[bushelofmuses]

aches and pains … sentence starters

tw for chronic illness / chronic pain and body dysmorphia 

“Shit, it hurts!”

“I’m used to it hurting.”

“It’s nothing. It just hurts, again.”

“I just can’t ever get comfortable.”

“My whole body just feels… wrong.”

“No, it’s normal pain. I’m used to it.”

“I wish these scars would just go away…”

“It hurts too much to stand up, I need to sit.”

“I’m tired of feeling off all the time, that’s all.”

“I think I need a hot shower and some painkillers.”

“It doesn’t even feel like this body is… me, anymore.”

“God, I wish I could be healthy for one day. Just one.”

“No, it doesn’t really hurt today. It’s just uncomfortable.”

It’s a bad day, again. I might need some help getting up.”

“It just feels like there’s something in me that’s not… me.”

“I don’t even remember what it’s like to get a good night’s sleep.”

“What’s it like waking up and NOT always hurting? Must be nice.”

“Man, if I hurt this much already, it’s really gonna suck to get older.”

“I need a hand up. If I start crying, don’t stop, it’s manageable pain.”

“I’m only (age)! I shouldn’t have the aches of a 90 year old woman.”

“I feel like a burden. I wish I was healthy so no one has to look after me.”

“This doesn’t even feel like a body, anymore. It’s just a big ball of pain and ick.”

“It feels like my body’s never… right. Like there’s always something wrong with it.”

“I don’t want to stay in bed, ‘cause my brain’ll tell me I’m lazy. But, it hurts too much to stand up today.”

“I don’t want to have to ask for help. I wish I could just do these things by myself, but my body won’t let me.”

[bushelofmuses]

look all i'm saying is if you've ever seen someone be healed with magic, congratulations! you've witnessed a practitioner of necromancy. it's the exact same thing. all you're doing at a fundamental level is using magic to accelerate existing biological processes and animate tissue, the only difference is when you do it to dead tissue instead of living tissue, suddenly it's evil scary ~dark magic~ instead of good wholesome healing. it's purely cultural bias.

so no i don't think it's fair to say i "lied on my application" since i'm just as qualified as anyone to heal your party, but hey if you want to be a fucking narc and report me to the wizard council go right ahead. good luck finding an accredited healer at the wages you're offering by the way

[bushelofmuses]

//They cut it short. Thank fuck.

//trapped in a 2h teams meeting. Like this for a starter b/c this is so boring and doesn't apply to me and I'm dying.

[bushelofmuses]

@bloodlaurel liked for a starter

He set his breakfast down and slowly lowered himself onto the bench across from Jasper. Ameridan exhaled slowly and grumbled, "I may be getting old...I don't do well in the cold these days; my joints scream at me in the mornings."

The popping and crackling his knees emitted when he first crawled out of bed that morning were concerning, and he wondered if the healers would have anything for the aches and pains that came with the cold weather. He'd have to seek them out when he was done eating. Maker, he's only 51. He's too young for this, isn't he?

"A word of advice from a man not half as wise as he'd like to be: don't get old...and always stretch." He tried to stretch every morning and evening to keep his limbs and back loose, but it could only do so much for his health. "Never stop moving; that's when age catches up to a man and claws at his knees."

Whenever he forgot, his body made sure to remind him of his foolishness by lunchtime. His legs ached, his back screamed at him, the scar on his chest grew tight, and Wisdom would chastise him for good measure because he wasn't suffering enough for his mistake.

"Oh, and good morning." He forgot his manners in his grumpy, pain-filled grumblings. "Are there any plans to go into the field? If so, please tell me it's somewhere warm...and that I can go with you."

[bushelofmuses]

//trapped in a 2h teams meeting. Like this for a starter b/c this is so boring and doesn't apply to me and I'm dying.

[bushelofmuses]

[bushelofmuses]

that’s it

that’s the dragon age series

a gang of nerds follow you around thedas and they bicker like children and you love them to bits because they’re nerds but they’re your nerds

[bushelofmuses]

hey. hey. cmere. closer i have a secret to tell you. okay are you leaning in. mmmmmwah ! ok thats it

[bushelofmuses]

(Title Pending) available in all four sizes at Emerald City Comic Con in a couple weeks.

Will be listed on Whiskey Terra Foxtrot around the same time.

[bushelofmuses]

For scientific purposes, who was your FIRST romance in each DA game.

[bushelofmuses]

UNSEEN  WAR.

A  collection  of  angst  prompts  that  delve  into  the  struggles  of  soldiers  facing  PTSD,  survivor’s  guilt,  and  the  lingering  scars  of  war.  Themes  of  mental  health,  trauma,  substance  abuse,  suicidal  ideation,  hypervigilance,  combat,  loss,  identity,  and  alienation.  Feel  free  to  add  your  own  edits  as  wanted  or  needed.

" I  keep  his  picture  in  my  wallet,  like  it’s  gonna  bring  him  back. "

" We  were  all  just  kids  playing  soldier,  and  now  we’re  men  with  scars. "

" They  trained  me  to  fight  wars,  but  no  one  trained  me  to  live  after. "

" I'm  not  a  fuckin'  hero...I'm  just  a  guy  who  got  out  alive. "

" Doc  can  his  fuckin'  PTSD  and  shove  it  up  his  ass.  It’s  just  me  trying  to  remember  how  to  survive  in  this  goddamn  world. "

" We  joked  about  not  making  it,  but  it  was  just  that...a  joke.  Until  it  wasn’t."

" You  ever  wake  up  and  think,  'Fuck,  why  didn’t  that  last  bullet  hit  me  instead?'  'Cause  I  sure  do.  Every  single  night. "

" They  called  it  collateral  damage.  Like  it  wasn’t  somebody’s  damn  family! "

" Every  time  I  close  my  eyes,  I  see  his  face.  I  can’t  keep  doing  this. "

" I  miss  home,  but  y'know  what?  Can’t  even  remember  what  home  feels  like  anymore. "

" The  worst  part  isn’t  what  we  did;  it’s  how  normal  this  shit  is  starting  to  feel. "

" Don’t  fuckin'  tell  me  to  ‘man  up.’  You  weren’t  there!  You  didn't  see  what  I  did! "

" Sometimes  I  wonder  if  it  would’ve  been  better  if  I  hadn’t  made  it  back. "

" They  said  we’re  heroes,  but  I  don’t  feel  like  one.  Heroes  don’t  do  what  we’ve  done. "

" There's  nothing  wrong  with  me.  I'm  fine,  I  don't  need  help. "

" Even  back  in  society,  when  I  look  in  the  mirror,  I  still  see  myself  in  uniform;  covered  in  sweat,  dirt,  blood,  gunpower.  I  don't  think  I  ever  truly  came  back  home. "

" Goddamn  it,  I  told  you  to  keep  your  fuckin'  head  down!  The  hell  were  you  thinkin'!? "

" You  can’t  fix  me,  so  stop  fuckin'  trying  to. "

" If  I  have  to  fold  one  more  goddamn  flag  for  a  funeral,  I’m  gonna  lose  it."

" We  didn’t  join  up  to  be  heroes.  We  just  didn’t  know  what  the  fuck  else  to  do. "

" Fuck.  I  shouldn’t  have  told  him  it  was  clear.  It  wasn’t  clear. "

" They  keep  saying  it  wasn’t  our  fault,  but  it  sure  as  hell  feels  like  it. "

" Sometimes  I  forget  why  we  were  even  there  in  the  first  place. "

" I’m  tired  of  waking  up  every  day  wishing  I  hadn’t. "

" We’re  not  soldiers  anymore.  Now  we’re  just  survivors. "

" I  don’t  pray  anymore.  Not  after  everything  we  saw.  God  can't  save  me  from  that  shit. "

" You  can’t  just  ‘leave  it  behind.’  It  follows  you.  Every  damn  step  of  the  way.  It  just—it  just  never  fuckin'  stops. "

" I  don’t  even  know  what  normal  feels  like  anymore,  man. "

" He  didn’t  even  scream.  Just…  lights  out,  done.  Like  that. "

" No  amount  of  patches  and  medals  will  bring  back  what  I  lost  over  there."

" What  the  fuck  was  it  all  for? "

" I  see  that  goddamned  convoy  goin'  up  in  flames  every  time  I  close  my  eyes. "

" The  meds  don’t  do  shit  except  make  me  feel  like  a  zombie. "

" We  laugh,  we  joke,  but  deep  down  we’re  all  just  broken  toys. "

" Every  time  I  hear  a  car  backfire,  I’m  diving  for  cover  like  a  goddamned  idiot. "

" They  gave  me  a  medal but not  a  reason  to  fucking  live."

" Do  you  remember  his  face?  His  fuckin'  face  when  he  realized  he  wasn’t  gonna  make  it? "

" I  can't  walk  into  a  crowded  room  without  sizin'  up  exits  like  I'm  still  in  enemy  territory. "

" We  all  came  home  in  pieces.  Some  of  us  just  hid  it  better  than  others. "

" Don’t  fuckin'  touch  me.  You  don't  know  what  hands  can  do  when  they’re  scared. "

" The  shit  they  don’t  tell  you  about  surviving  is  how  heavy  the  guilt  feels. "

" It’s  just  a  patch  of  dirt  to  everyone  else,  but  to  me,  it’s  where  I  buried  my  best  friend. "

" Stop  asking  me  to  talk  about  it.  Talking  doesn’t  fix  what’s  broken. "

" One  more  person  says,  'Thank  you  for  your  service,'  I'm gonna lose  it. "

" They  say  it  gets  easier,  but  all  I’ve  done  is  get  better  at  pretending. "

" I  don’t  miss  the  war,  but  I  miss  the  people  I  fought  it  with. "

" I  feel  like  I’m  on  patrol  even  in  the  grocery  store,  scanning  for  threats. "

" You  know  what  the  hardest  part  is?  Knowing  they  died  for  nothing. "

" They  say  ‘thank  you  for  your  service,’  and  I  just  want  to  scream. "

" Sometimes,  I  wish  I’d  stayed  in.  At  least  I  knew  who  I  was  then. "

" You  don't  get  to  tell  me  what  I  saw  out  there,  alright?  You  weren’t  the  one  dragging  what  was  left  of  him  back  to  base! "

" Another  goddamn  name  on  the  memorial  wall,  yeah,  that’s  what  this  mission  fuckin'  accomplished! "

" Don't  give  me  that  'chain  of  command'  bullshit.  You  knew  it  was  a  suicide  run,  and  you  sent  us  anyway! "

" Get  your  hands  off  me!  I  said  I’m  fine,  stop  treating  me  like  I’m  fuckin'  broken! "

" You  wanna  keep  yelling,  or  are  you  finally  gonna  admit  you  fucked  up  back  there? "

" We’re  soldiers,  not  fuckin'  machines.  How  the  hell  do  you  not  understand  that  after  all  these  years? "

" I  can  still  hear  their  screams.  Every  goddamn  night.  Do  you  think  I  sleep  like  this  because  I  want  to? "

" Stop  telling  me  to  'let  it  go!'  You  didn’t  watch  him  bleed  out  while  begging  for  his  mother! "

" I  lost  another  one  today,  and  all  you  can  say  is  ‘it  happens’?  Fuck  you! "

" What  do  you  want  me  to  say?  That  I  don’t  miss  them?  That  I  don’t  hate  myself  for  living? "

" You  keep  saying  ‘it’s  over,’  but  it’s  not  over  when  it’s  in  my  fuckin'  head  24/7! "

" It  wasn’t  heroism,  alright?  I  didn’t  want  to  die.  I  didn’t  want  to  live.  I  just  wanted  it  to  fuckin'  end. "

" You  think  I  signed  up  for  this  shit?  No  one  signs  up  for  nightmares  that  won’t  go  away! "

" I  froze  out  there.  I  just…  froze.  And  now  he’s  gone  because  I  couldn’t  move. "

" You  call  it  a  mission.  I  call  it  a  slaughter.  Tell  me  where  the  hell  the  difference  is. "

" Don’t  you  dare  say  it’s  ‘just  part  of  the  job.’  That  was  someone’s  fuckin'  life! "

" You  really  think  any  of  this  ‘therapy’  bullshit  will  bring  them  back?  'Cause  it  won't,  asshole! "

" You  don’t  come  back  from  war;  you  just  bring  it  home  with  you. "

"If  one  more  person  tells  me  to  ‘move  on,’  I  swear  to  God  I’m  gonna  lose  it. "

" Shut  the  fuck  up,  I  can't  handle  your  sunshine  shit  right  now. "

" You  ever  think  about  how  we’re  all  just  disposable? "

" My  hands  won’t  stop  shaking. "

" I  don’t  need  your  pity,  I  need  another  goddamn  drink. "

" It’s  not  PTSD.  It's  just  me.  I’m  fucked  up,  plain  and  simple. "

" Fuckin'  civvies  don’t  understand  a  goddamn  thing  we’ve  been  through. "

" They  want  me  to  talk  about  it,  but  how  do  you  put  hell  into  words? "

" I  hate  myself  for  making  it  back  alive. "

" Don’t  give  me  that  'brotherhood'  bullshit!  Where  was  that  when  you  let  them  ambush  us? "

" Put  the  gun  down,  man.  Please.  We’ve  lost  enough  already. "

" You’re  right;  I’m  angry.  I’m  angry  because  I’ve  had  to  bury  too  many  good  men  because  of  your  decisions. "

" Don't  act  like  you  care  now. "

" The  blood  never  washes  off,  does  it?  It  just  spreads  around  until  you’re  drowning  in  it. "

" You  call  me  weak,  but  at  least  I’m  not  afraid  to  feel  something! "

" I  told  you  not  to  bring  that  up,  so  why  the  hell  are  you  making  me  relive  it  now? "

" Stop  saying  it's  going  to  be  okay!  It's  not,  and  it  never  fuckin'  will  be. "

" I  don't  need  therapy,  I  need  a  fuckin'  drink. "

" You  see  a  fun  fireworks  display,  I  see  flares  'n  mortars  tearing  us  apart. "

" I  can't  even  look  at  my  kids  without  wondering  if  they'd  be  better  off  without  me. "

" I  used  to  takin'  long  drives  at  night,  but  now  I  can't  even  get  behind  the  wheel  without  feeling  like  we're  about  to  hit  an  IED. "

" Every  time  I  close  my  eyes,  I  see  him...my  best  friend,  blown  to  pieces. "

" Yeah,  I  take  the  pills  and  wash  'em  down  with  vodka,  what  of  it? "

" I  didn't  sign  up  for  this  life;  I  signed  up  for  a  job,  and  now  I  can't  get  out. "

" You  want  me  to  talk  about  it?  Alright,  fine.  Let's  talk  about  how  I  watched  my  buddies  burn  alive. "

" The  VA?  Yeah,  they've  got  a  line  for  everything.  Too  bad  it  never  leads  to  real  help. "

" Do  you  have  any  idea  what  it's  like  to  be  terrified  of  your  own  goddamn  mind? "

[bushelofmuses]

Cole hid his own grimace behind his hat, face tipped to the floor so she couldn't see his discomfort and pain.

He might be able to, if he slipped further into the Fade to do it but...Cole was different now. Being solid—being real—did not make for easy travel. Here in the Lighthouse, he could probably more easily shift further and look for him but...no, Varric deserved to rest right now.

He had been through enough without Cole disturbing his peace and quiet. Would he even want to see Cole?

He couldn't quite understand why she talked about him like that though, but everyone reacts differently to reality. His method of coping with the mess they were in would not mirror hers; Cole wouldn't press it by asking.

"Another time," he murmured hesitantly, words slow and measured, cautious. "I'll...ask him another time."

The volume wasn't the problem. Bellara could be noisy too; she swore when her work on the Archive ran into another wall of resistance. The problem was the frustration—was it frustration?—something he wondered if he should bother trying to untangle.

Valeria would just make a mess of her thoughts and emotions again. But that was what all mortals did; perhaps he should try anyway.

"Do you need to talk about it?" Cole's voice remained soft, an attempt to soothe without the use of empty platitudes.

𝐓𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, PART THREE, always accepting!

@bushelofmuses (cole) asked: "if i may ask, what was it you were yelling?"

valeria   grimaces.

profanities.   she   was   yelling   profanities in   her   mother   tongue.

like   a   petulant   child   –   no,   like   an   asshole   –   she   brandished   months   of   accumulated   stress   &   blame   against   the   one   person   who   looked   at   her   sorry   ass   &   saw   more   than   a   scrappy   nobody   going   nowhere   fast.   the   one   person   who   remains   confined   to   bed,   who   bled   for   the   cause   as   much   as   he   could   without   dying,   &   is   now   too   tired   to   get   into   a   real   fight.   injured   because   she   wasn't   a   responsible   second   &   didn't   stop   him   from   going   to   confront,   for   all   intents   &   purposes,   a   god.

it   was   a   stupid   decision.   the   first   of   many.

she   rubs   her   temples,   as   though   that'll   do   something   about   the   headache   she's   caused.   ❝     ask   varric   if   you   want   the   details.     ❞    

he'll   probably   be   gracious   in   the   telling   of   it,   too.   bastard.   something   in   her   cracks,   &   valeria   glances   back   to   the   imposing   iron   doors   of   the   infirmary.   she   should   apologise,   but   she   wasn't   wrong,   either.   later,   she   thinks,   she'll   make   it   up   to   him.   maybe   bring   something   that   isn't   complete   swill   from   minrathous,   &   they   can   sit   down   for   a   drink   like   old   times. 

for   now,   she   fiddles   with   the   frayed   hem   of   her   sleeves.   maybe   manfred   will   fix   it,   if   she   asks.   she   can't   bring   herself   to   look   at   him,   to   tell   compassion   personified   just   how   much   she   lacked   it.   ❝     i'll   be   quieter   next   time.     ❞ 

[bushelofmuses]

#GRXNNYWITCH: Indie OC Multi-Fandom Witch, Gwen Vanonet. Verses include: Red Dead Redemption, Old Gods of Appalachia, Witcher, Baldur's Gate 3, Dragon Age, World of Warcraft. Dark / horror themes present. Sideblog to @dcvium. Adored by Lewind. Promo by @calirph.

[bushelofmuses]

[bushelofmuses]

//I need to come up with an FC for Cecil now for his human verses