#something something put on good habits
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if the fast child / is gonna have a dead hand
#triangle strategy#tristrat#roland glenbrook#ser maxwell#digital art#artists on tumblr#digital drawing#ugh okay second upload bc i cannot get this to be good quality for the life of me#idk if it's my settings on csp or what but jfc#it's a little crunchy. but it's okay#anyway wow tristrat still has an iron grip on my brain#also my roland who could win a rabbit agenda is in full swing#look. right. okay. listen#that's his song.#who could win a rabbit animal collective??? that's /his/ song#i have. so many thoughts#something something put on good habits#also spoiler ig??#but the dead hand is supposed to represent him giving up his ring#and faking his death#i just. ogogogogogogogogo#ill about him so much all the time roland my gooby wooby
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Gotta say your au mixed with the art style and such and amazing work in what we seen so far with the horror and some laughs it's just become a treat every time I saw new details (whenever you supplies them up, thanks for that)
I know you already disclosure that it's gonna be bad BAD TIMES for the puppets gang but does it have it's soft ad fluff times??
The shot were Frank ask Wally if they're dying will looking up for the ceiling hasn't leave my brain, such a raw emotional clear on them, I wonder when they were just the two of them for a while they cuddle or hold hands for comfort??
I just.i just want them to have small victories of comfort
of course it has fluff and comfort! a lot of it! having a nice blend of both makes the fluff feel sweeter & the hurt hit all the harder <3 i will now supply some (written (for now)) examples and tidbits. putting it under the cut cause it got kinda Long
Frank & Wally do become very affectionate with each other! ofc as soon as Frank woke Wally was like "ok im holding your hand everywhere we go, this is Non Negotiable". because its dark! he doesn't want Frank to stray too far or get lost! and it's easier to yank Frank outta harm's way if they're already holding hands. comfort factors into it later, when Frank starts initiating & Wally does it purely to make sure Frank is still there. but yeah they get Very comfortable with each other, to the point where when Eddie wakes up he asks Frank - misinterpreting the situation entirely - "if you'd rather have Wally than me, i understand." ofc Frank laughs his ass off bc uhhh no that is Not what their relationship is, Ed
~ similarly, (almost) everyone acclimates to Wally's need to be as close as possible at all feasible times. he's Very physically affectionate and has little to no regard for personal space or boundaries anymore. like, he'll listen when someone asks him to back off or somethn, but until then he does not give a fuck. and this rubs off on the others as they get used to it
and then there's OH WAIT IDK IF I'VE MENTIONED THIS YET but! Wally - during his main exploration phase - found the Welcome Home episode recordings! and he eventually figured out how to work a tv he found, so he added "watch an episode of me and my friends" into his Routine. when the others wake up, he includes them in this. is it horrifying for them at first? yeah. but they get used to it and find similar if not the same comfort and enjoyment in it that Wally does. like in This Scribble, Frank & Wally & Poppy & Howdy are all watching an episode, and are quoting the lines they've memorized. they all cuddle up on a couch together and watch their favorite show <3
& Wally also teaches them (as they wake up) how to repair and care for themselves / each other, sleeping or otherwise. picture a little sewing circle of Frank, Wally, and Poppy, with Poppy giving tips and guidance on how to improve. these sessions provide them with genuine smiles and sometimes even some laughs.
before Wally & Home's divorce, they'd pass much of the time with games! go-fish, charades, i spy, etc. one of their favorites was when Wally would toss a ball at Home's door, and Home would hit it back. additionally, whenever Wally discovered something new, he'd rush back to Home with it - either the information or the actual thing, if he could carry it. ex: when he'd find books or files, he'd bring them to Home and (quietly) read them aloud while resting against them
and just in general know that the Post Office is a place of safety. Wally has made sure it's secure. i like to imagine like... little craft sessions and impromptu dancing lessons and story sharing going on in there among the awake neighbors. they try to have fun despite it all
that's all i can recall for Act One's fluff tidbits rn, but trust me there is More. and also abundant angsty comfort. the downright painful stuff has to earn its existence yk yk this au is Not grimdark
#oh there's also a really specific scene in my mind of like.#poppy taking notice that wally has developed a disregard for his appearance & that he doesn't seem to think he's attractive anymore#and recruits frank & howdy to give him like... a lil spa day as best they can#they tie (most of) his hair up in a ponytail and scrub some of the dirt out & they make a little patchwork sweater for him#and poppy tells him he looks very pretty#and wally has a moment of '...? im pretty? im still...? oh...!'#they notice him putting a teensy bit of attention towards his appearance going forward from this#oh also he makes sure they All get a little 'spa day'#good feelings all around....#rambles from the bog#wh lights out au#they all pick up little Habits towards each other#like wally will hold others' hands and just fiddle with em w/o a real point or goal#frank will adjust his friends' clothes hair if it's a lil Too out of place#poppy will hold her wings around/behind others w/o really realizing it#howdy will pick up / carry the smaller neighbors for no particular reason#eddie tends to keep a hand on the nearest person#etc etc!#there was. Something Else i wanted to add. i don't remember what it was!#but yeah! there are good things. there are Always good things.
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Not for any particular reason, but chat how would we feel about a uf papyrus / general underfell focused magma on monday? Would that be nice?
#I haven't hosted a drawring thing in a minute#I'd try to hop in now and then#I just kinda wanna try getting into the habit of at least trying to do stuff more#I just always tell myself I can't do stuff like that unless I can put in 100% but like. I never have time for that for other things#idk. maybe also it's just a bad idea lmao#like. why? it's not an anniversary or anything but idk. the idea just popped into my head and it sounded like it could be fun#or not idk!!! sorry I have food poisoning or something so I'm feeling out of sorts#this weeks been really weird in a not so good way. barring like. a couple good things#so ig im just a bit out of it#sunny with clouds#possibly delete later if i become less out of it and decide this is Not a good idea
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I overshare online because I need constant validation that every thought and action of mine is Good and Okay and Normal. Surely this is a healthy coping mechanism
#something I'm trying to work through#comes from a hard mixture of autism (not knowing if what im doing is Normal behavior)#OCD (guilt loops that last for days weeks months on end)#ADHD (rejection sensitive dysphoria)#being raised christian (always being reminded that bad thoughts and actions will send you to hell)#and trauma from being heavily monitored as a teenager (very used to having every thought & action over-analyzed)#i have a constant craving for validation because of all of those things#which leads me to being a very self-absorbed person#i feel like if people aren't consistently telling me that im a good person then i must be horrible#im putting my emotional work onto others when i do that#making it THEIR responsibility to make me love myself#it's not healthy for you or anyone around you#you can't truly improve yourself if you're always relying on other people to verify whether or not you're okay#especially since everyone has different opinions & biases#if you never learn how to validate yourself you become completely reliant on others#and if you lose that outside validation everything will fall apart#even though i know these things i still haven't broken out of the habit#but that's another thing you have to give yourself grace for#you can't expect yourself to instantly adhere to new expectations#so you're gonna be hypocritical at times#you can't hate youself for that either it takes time to break habits#you need to find the line between self criticism and self hatred#love yourself Or Else. literally.#.bdo
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the internet: yeah to practise harm reduction you go for areas that have more flesh to avoid going too deep and needing medical attention
me, an idiot: let's pick this spot anyway, how bad can it be. ...how did i get that deep that quickly
#tw sh#im fine although there was definitely a moment where i worried i wouldn't be#when you grab a rag and put pressure on it and a few minutes later move your hand and discover it was completely soaked and your hand#is all bloody now too. anyway it stopped shortly after that#someone told me recently that the width they'll start considering sutures is like 5mm which seems??? so odd to me??? like that's tiny??#anyway i didn't go as deep as the last two times yet so it's fine#(i also have a horrible habit of repeatedly going over the same place for several days afterwards so that will probably change)#but eh im fine#i was just surprised by how deep it got how quickly#also something i find funny: the way nurse brain doesn't shut off#'will i pick here - no wait that's near an artery/vein/nerve'#'or here - no wait that's too close to a good cannulation site'#'here - no too close to deltoid'#personal#puddleglum hours#but yeah i really am fine#although i have thoroughly discovered the allure of arm cutting so. we'll see#in my usual scintillating cleverness i literally thought about visibility this time bc it's nearly short sleeve weather and nobody knows im#going this deep. except my mentor and my sister. but they both only know about the first time#however i did not consider. that most of my clothing does not have as long a short sleeve as my placement uniform. so im gonna either#have to be real careful about what clothing i pick for the next. oh month or two. since the first one was end of august and it's a month an#a bit later and it's still got a while of healing to go before i can wear short sleevs and pretend the scar was from months an months ago i#asked. anyway!#play stupid games you win stupid prizes
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A little comic based off of me and @mwolf0epsilon conversation about her most recent text post where dogma is offered a little bit of colorful justice by my oc Twitch. But anyways have a sad Dogma.
#weeee i drew something#you can see i spent baout as much effort on the first panel as the rest combined#but im PROUD of that first one#good old pencil and paper#art? art#twitch my beloved#clone trooper dogma#if you are not familar with Twitchs habits he was going to go put hairdye in someones shampoo#now he has his targets >:3#also posemaniacs is my best art friend
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a stupid pet peeve about my housemate that makes me irrationally furious is that she always uses these cute little delicate ceramic dishes as spoon rests when she's cooking.
because the thing is, she's a really messy cook. like idk how she manages it, but if she cooks a single fried egg on one burner, there will be a 1 ft blast radius of grease splatters & spices & egg bits around that burner that she never seems to notice & therefore doesn't wipe up. heaven forbid if she cooks a larger meal that uses multiple burners.
so when she uses her stupid adorable spoon rests to keep her utensils from dirtying surfaces, the effect in practice is that there will be a thick layer of caked on cooking detritus covering the entire vicinity, with a perfectly clean 2 inch circle underneath the spoon rest.
and lord help me, the sight of that single tiny dish on the stove top, having utterly failed in its duty except to highlight how greasy the rest of the kitchen is—
#shit chat#ctxt#LIKE THE THING THAT GETS ME SOOOO MAD ABOUT THIS IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE#IS IT'S A VERY THOUGHTFUL HABIT USING A SPOON REST TO KEEP THE STOVE CLEAN#BUT BABE. THE SPOON REST DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER WHEN YOU'VE MANAGED TO GET CLUMPS OF FRIED RICE ON THE FAN HOOD SOMEHOW#VERY COOL THAT THERE'S NOT A MARK UNDER WHERE YOU SET YOU SPATULA DOWN#BUT I STILL HAD TO SQUEEGEE CHILI FLAKES OFF THE TEA KETTLE THIS MORNING BEFORE I COULD USE IT#IT'S LIKE SHE JUST CLOSES HER EYES AND THROWS INGREDIENTS IN THE PAN FROM ACROSS THE ROOM OR SOMETHING#I AM GONNA BURN THIS FUCKING HOUSE TO THE GROUNG GRRRRRAAAHHHHHHHHH#(not really. and i'm just venting on here bc it's a petty & pointless thing to bring up to her directly.)#(like she does have habits that annoy the fuck out of me but overall she is very good to cohabit with)#(she's incredibly considerate & kind & easy to communicate with about things that actually matter)#(usually keeps up her share of housework more or less & is always doing little home improvements around the property)#(and my rent is still pretty well below market value for the area bc her mom aka my landlord is pretty fair & responsive)#(but by god woman you need to put a fucking forcefield around yourself when you cook or something)
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one art thing that keeps making me want to pull my hair out is when ppl post a drawing and immediately call it bad/mention its flaws in the caption. whatever you think you're doing with that i can assure you it's not working
#vivi.txt#listen to me. putting my hands on your shoulders.#i know you think calling your art bad makes you sound humble and relatable and funny but that is not how it looks to other people.#i'm going to be harsh for a second it sounds like your self esteem is low and you're looking for interaction out of pity.#BUT YOU HAVE TO LISTEN i know this because i did it too!!!!#saying those things over and over made me believe they were true. and a lack of interaction made it feel like others were agreeing with me#and maybe they are! when you mention something's flaws to someone they're obviously gonna look for them and notice them#and they might just ignore your stuff BECAUSE of that#and whatever notes you do get you've conditioned yourself to believe that they came out of pity for you which FEELS TERRIBLE#you have to get out of the habit of putting down your work. you don't even have to love it you don't have to think it's perfect#but your own words are is going to influence how others perceive it and not always in a good way!!#plus whatever mistake you wanted to mention would probably be totally ignored by others if you don't say anything. streisand effect#JUST PLEASE BE KIND TO YOURSELF. PEOPLE WILL MATCH YOUR ENERGY AND BE KIND TO YOU IN RETURN OKAY. PROMISE
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a bad thing lives here. is it you or me?
#mine#uploads#my writing#first thing i've written all year boiiiiiiiis#i really want to get into the habit of writing more#and not putting pressure on myself of whether its 'good' or 'bad'#at the end of the day i write for myself#sometimes its the only way to get things out of my head#but i still enjoy sharing my work w others#i've been thinking abt possibly trying to write enough this year to release a small poetry book#but whooooo knows#i wanna leave something for the world for when im gone#even if no one reads it#writers on tumblr#writers of instagram#writers of tumblr#writing#writebrl#poets of tumblr#poetry#i never know how to tag anything
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it’s only been 10 hours but my heart already aches for gem and the scotts i miss them so much
#life series#secret life smp#when scott told gem SHE had to be the one to kill him#SHE had to win it for them#they put their band first whenever they could#the fact that both the scotts both sacrificed themselves for gem#TWICE#i miss them they were a band they loved each other#also i did get flashbacks to lim life when martyn betrayed scott#and even though he died by his own mean gill he said he wouldn’t have it any other way#scott’s habit of making friends that he ultimately dies beside#impulse never being more than two degrees away from victory purely by luck#gem being in the FINAL THREE#this series was so good no notes#i’m gonna miss having something to look forward to on fridays
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Every now and then I find a fun new way to trigger an asthma attack its like enrichment for me
#at least this absolutely rules out an old bad habit that keeps threatening to rear its head#but also fuck me sideways#I do not enjoy trying to think through panic while also immobilized by dry heaving and my rapidly closing airways#especially when one of the things im thinking is that my ‘good’ inhaler is downstairs in my coat pocket#and those stairs are hazardous at the best of times#WHEEEEEE I JUST LOVE BEING PHYSICALLY DISABLED THE DELIGHTS TRULY NEVER END#AND I TRIGGERED IT BC I WAS TRYING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT ANOTHER TERRIBLE THING MU BODY HAS STARTED DOING#WHICH IS NOT DISABLING BUT /IS/ HATEFUL#bramble bramble#anyway some of my asthma triggers are complete bullshit like laughing? LAUGHING???#LAUGHING AT YE OLDE FRIVOLITIES AND JAPES COULD PUT ME IN A LIFE THREATENING MEDICAL SITUATION??????#but there are other things where it’s like yeeeaaaaaah I prolly shouldnt have been doing that
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i've been getting emails from my university for months begging me to call their toll-free number for their alumni verification project so i finally did to make them stop emailing me and i thought it was just going to be like yes this is my address and phone number and whatever bye but this woman was fully interviewing me and i wasn't expecting to have to pull out my oscar worthy acting skills to bullshit redacted university at 12:30 pm on a saturday when i had just woken up. she was like "what's the story you tell people about your experience here" and i was like Well usually i tell people about my year abroad in england and she somehow was not familiar with the study abroad program and then shes asking me about professors who had an impact on me and i was like.....it's been years i don't remember hardly anyones name i was just trying to get a degree..........and then i bullshat something about how it helped me solidify my own beliefs because i was a non adventist on their shitty shitty adventist cult ass campus. and then she desperately wanted my permission to use the recording of that conversation in their project and i was like no <3 and then she was like you can get a sweatshirt and hardcover book and access to all these recordings for two payments of $299 where would you like it sent? and i was like. i wouldn't. ??????
#i really was not expecting a person to answer the phone on The Sabbath i was hoping for something automated. what the fuck was this#SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS?????#FOR NONSENSE?? idk why i'm surprised its not like theyre in the habit of producing things worth paying for#i think it was $600 i was kind of caught off guard by this whole thing it might have been $400#god they must be going bankrupt. i fucking hope so [redacted] university delenda est#dude i think you are looking for people who went outside and had friends in college and also who were adventist and wanted to go there not#i put so much effort into saying things besides “i had a bad time there and there were basically no upsides” and i dont know why i did that#i should have said it.#to be honest there were scarce few good professors who i genuinely liked and enjoyed but you bet your ass i forgot their names. sorry drs.#it was good practice for me saying no though because she was nice about it and i still said no instead of being a doormat#probably the best thing they ever did for me.#me
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theOrEticalLy . if I opened commissions at some point. would there be. a smackerel of interest . ??
#i have never opened them bc it’s intimidating and I don’t know how to price things!!#but mostly bc i work full time w a good salary so I don’t really need side things to make money#like it feels selfish to suggest that people should pay me to make fanart?? When#a) I already do that for free bc i enjoy it lol#and b) there are so many creators out there who are struggling to make ends meet#and I am privileged enough to generally not have to worry about that#this would be just like extra spending money to fund my scented candle habit DHDJDN#and the clothes I just bought while trying to Discover My Vibe and Finally Be Myself (at age 28 lol)#also tbh it would likely be reinvested in other commissions bc I buy commissions fairly often lol#anyway. idk the idea of commissions always sounded cool but also guilt inducing and scary#it feels weird and silly bc it would make me have to take my art seriously if that makes sense??#like me saying ‘I think I’m good enough at art that people would buy it from me.’ that feels so bold and like. arrogant or something dhjsjd#coming from me I mean. just a silly little guy who still struggles to draw human limbs properly#ok I’m thinking about how I’d have to make a commission sheet and put a dollar sign on my art and I’m aaaaaaa#and I’d have to execute exactly what people want and what if I can’t!!!#omg ok maybe noT help lol#well im not committing to anything rn im simply. asking a question while the dash is asleep and then running off to bed seeya#i think part of me always wanted to try commissions to see if I could be a Real Artist about it ??#and potentially end up with like. Portfolio pieces ??#why I would need an art portfolio I don’t know. I am an editor. What do I think I will be doing here#ppl left comments on my animatic that have been giving me crazy what if thoughts. sit down#don’t look at me#ohhh swirly brain thoughts I need to sleep
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Just a note to say thanks for bearing with me. ♡
#this has turned into more of a hiatus than i expected#i've not been putting pressure on myself to be here#so i've just been peeking occasionally#on the other side of the screen things have been a mix of good and bad#i've been settling into my new job#throwing myself into renovations#doing all the prep for christmas#attending my pottery class#minding my neighbour's cat while she's away#trying to get into the habit of using my art tablet#( when i git gud i'll share something and maybe start drawing our blorbos )#also just trying to be more ' present ' in the everyday#tw for medical and terminal illness but my uncle was recently diagnosed with multiple system atrophy#we thought it was parkinson's ( which is what took his father ) but it's actually so much worse than that#he was an avid cyclist just a few years ago and working as an aerospace engineer#now he's in a wheelchair and recently broke his hip for the third time#there's not much i can do but i want to be there for my family as much as i can#so thank you for your patience#rest assured i adore writing and roleplay is a very important part of my life#it is my main creative outlet and i value the friendships that spring from it#i hope to get the wheels turning again in the next couple of weeks#i'll be spring-cleaning behind the scenes#you are always welcome to reach out if you want to check the status of anything but just be aware i'll be slower than usual to reply#i hope life has been treating you all kindly – sending you my love ♡#◈ — ooc; saddest little baby in the room
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see cuz theres a difference between "pick yourself back up" and "keep going"
#piktalk#like yeah im moving; im going#but im not pulling myself up; im not bracing my energy and putting my mind to it and choosing to walk#this is a force of habit. i walk because i know nothing else. this isnt a choice.#it isnt a heroic revival of a fallen hero; this is a zombie treading the same ground over and over#a ghost circling hallways that dont exist anymore.#sometimes i wonder if its a good thing at all. theres something to be said about the metaphor between . and the undead.#but i think its for the best if i leave that unsaid.#im okay; though. m still walking; after all.
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swiftie mutuals please know that i still love you i just cant help but be a hater
#my opinions on ts are complex#like i think she's an insanely good and hardworking performer#you cant ignore the amount of work it takes to perform something like her eras shows#AND i think that when she puts her mind to it she can really knock it out of the park with a great song#every album has at least one A+ song#like genuinely i think anti-hero was her best ever lyrically#and she's at her best when she leans into the sappy over the top vibe like w love story or ybwm#my main problem with her is ofc her excessive private jet use#i understand that shes too famous to fly commercial bc she'd get mobbed#but when travelling within a single country she could at least be using road travel#anyway#wrt her music my main issue is that a good 80% of it is very... bland#she doesn't really do anything new or push any boundaries artistically#just plays it safe#and her lyrics can be genuinely awful when she takes herself too seriously (1830s but without all the racists)#and that sucks bc when she DOES decide to explore a new concept or play a character#she generally makes something interesting and fun!#blank space was fun bc it was a play into the media's constructed narrative about her#reputation was. a choice. but i'll defend it for being something different and actually taking a risk#this is a long ass tags ramble but i guess my point is#shes a pop singer. shes a pop singer who makes catchy pop music and thats okay#but she has a habit of taking herself too seriously and trying to be a deep meaningful 'poet' type songwriter like phoebe bridgers etc#which is just. not at all what she's good at#her music needs an ounce of self awareness to be good but her new album completely lacks that#sigh#dont ever get a diploma in music theory worst mistake of my life
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