#something something put on good habits
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if the fast child / is gonna have a dead hand
#triangle strategy#tristrat#roland glenbrook#ser maxwell#digital art#artists on tumblr#digital drawing#ugh okay second upload bc i cannot get this to be good quality for the life of me#idk if it's my settings on csp or what but jfc#it's a little crunchy. but it's okay#anyway wow tristrat still has an iron grip on my brain#also my roland who could win a rabbit agenda is in full swing#look. right. okay. listen#that's his song.#who could win a rabbit animal collective??? that's /his/ song#i have. so many thoughts#something something put on good habits#also spoiler ig??#but the dead hand is supposed to represent him giving up his ring#and faking his death#i just. ogogogogogogogogo#ill about him so much all the time roland my gooby wooby
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i need to post rescue, repressed/in denial jirv getting married then having a messy affair with hodge. Can you imagine. That he held out for so long! He made it back to Scotland and he even got married. he's doing his best to be the good Christian man he's suppose to be. Hodge is at the small wedding ceremony and he's a wounded bird but he's being so brave because this is what John wants. which means he doesn't want George. Even though, in the Arctic there had been times when he had thought maybe...but no of course not.
but then it's been a few months and hodge is traveling (he likes to keep on the move) and he stays a week with John. And they've both had a bit to drink . And it's like they're back there, in that cramped cabin again. leaning too close, almost touching. All those times where George was so sure they were close to something. And he was sure John could feel it too
"I'm glad you're here. how ive missed you, george." And it brings that awful sharp feeling of hope in the center of his chest. The glow of it used to keep him warm but now it grabs his throat and squeezes. It hurts. He goes to pull away
but John touches his hand. Holds it gently. "Let me confess that I've thought of you often in my new life here." His voice trembles and George grabs for his hand, holding it in both of his own. and then Irving kisses him! after all this time, it finally happens and Hodge wanted this more than anything and its the worst time and place . which is so horribly ironic because they are safe and warm and in a house and far away from the nightmare of the North. but its the worst time and place for this
anyway i think it would be fuuuuuucked up >:3
#the terror#hodgving#like yeah Irving is doing all the things hes suppose to#and hes more miserable than hes ever been#seeing Hodge is a blessing#even though the time spent with the man is so closely tied up with the trauma of the Arctic#Irving would still have him#also hodge puts on one of the Wife's dresses and Irving ***** *** ***** *****#i do like the idea of their first kiss being post rescue#but theres something really good about them having a habit of getting drunk and kissing and pressing against each other in their berths#john convinced it doesn't count because [insert bullshit reason] and george being in love with him#then he gets married and its that meme of the guy crying in the shower with the text 'When his new wife says you guys cant make out anymore#cant decide which is better theyre both so good
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Not for any particular reason, but chat how would we feel about a uf papyrus / general underfell focused magma on monday? Would that be nice?
#I haven't hosted a drawring thing in a minute#I'd try to hop in now and then#I just kinda wanna try getting into the habit of at least trying to do stuff more#I just always tell myself I can't do stuff like that unless I can put in 100% but like. I never have time for that for other things#idk. maybe also it's just a bad idea lmao#like. why? it's not an anniversary or anything but idk. the idea just popped into my head and it sounded like it could be fun#or not idk!!! sorry I have food poisoning or something so I'm feeling out of sorts#this weeks been really weird in a not so good way. barring like. a couple good things#so ig im just a bit out of it#sunny with clouds#possibly delete later if i become less out of it and decide this is Not a good idea
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A little comic based off of me and @mwolf0epsilon conversation about her most recent text post where dogma is offered a little bit of colorful justice by my oc Twitch. But anyways have a sad Dogma.
#weeee i drew something#you can see i spent baout as much effort on the first panel as the rest combined#but im PROUD of that first one#good old pencil and paper#art? art#twitch my beloved#clone trooper dogma#if you are not familar with Twitchs habits he was going to go put hairdye in someones shampoo#now he has his targets >:3#also posemaniacs is my best art friend
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HEHEH thamkiess evie!! ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ • *✰ (n for the snacks and blankets too c:<) ouhh hopefully by the weekend am not deepfried otherwise jiao jiao will most likely admonish me for being burnt out ;0;
SKFJKSDJKJSKJF U GUYS ARE TOOO! also yus sugar cookies cus they are my favorite ehe, especially the pink ones (matches jiao's hair methinks) but ongjlfsdlkj us wearing matching aprons and baking together n then him wiping the excess flour off with this ":3" face while doing it gkjgssnsdf he knows my weaknesses oughh <- then asks why my face is so red smh /aff,,but yes he is super sweet hehe
ong what if. moze gets a little blushy too when he realizes that u painted a heart on his cheek n then pulls his hood down when u point it out :3c or yee! paint a lil crow to go with it. AAWAA RIGHT BACK AT U EVIEE!! i hope u n moze have a lot of fun too >:)
-kisa
KIIIISAAAAA he will definitely have a few words — all in /aff of course :] out of care !! but i’m sure his priority will be to make sure you are well rested and well fed etc etc 🥺 also i am sure he must be lovely to snuggle up against with his fluffy tail and all :] i am absolutely so in love with the pink theme you two have .. it is so cute and i adore the gentleness of the color in general 🥹 it is very suited for you two i think !! 🤍✨ ALSO THIS question about your face being red JENEKXKXK as if he has no idea — that fox !! 😭 /lh
#— ⚘( ၴႅၴ kisa!#— ⚘( ၴႅၴ mailbox.#this last paragraph of yours is making me short circuit /pos the picture you have put in my head is so cute IWNDJKX ILYSM KISA#i’m afraid i will end like this -> x_x if he is flustered or hiding for any reason ever#which makes me wonder if jiaoqiu gets flustered ??? what habits of yours do you think make him stumble on his words a bit ?! because he is#usually so smooth and good with words … so i think about 🤲🏼😊 him momentarily losing his thought process because of#something cute that u did 🥹
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one art thing that keeps making me want to pull my hair out is when ppl post a drawing and immediately call it bad/mention its flaws in the caption. whatever you think you're doing with that i can assure you it's not working
#vivi.txt#listen to me. putting my hands on your shoulders.#i know you think calling your art bad makes you sound humble and relatable and funny but that is not how it looks to other people.#i'm going to be harsh for a second it sounds like your self esteem is low and you're looking for interaction out of pity.#BUT YOU HAVE TO LISTEN i know this because i did it too!!!!#saying those things over and over made me believe they were true. and a lack of interaction made it feel like others were agreeing with me#and maybe they are! when you mention something's flaws to someone they're obviously gonna look for them and notice them#and they might just ignore your stuff BECAUSE of that#and whatever notes you do get you've conditioned yourself to believe that they came out of pity for you which FEELS TERRIBLE#you have to get out of the habit of putting down your work. you don't even have to love it you don't have to think it's perfect#but your own words are is going to influence how others perceive it and not always in a good way!!#plus whatever mistake you wanted to mention would probably be totally ignored by others if you don't say anything. streisand effect#JUST PLEASE BE KIND TO YOURSELF. PEOPLE WILL MATCH YOUR ENERGY AND BE KIND TO YOU IN RETURN OKAY. PROMISE
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i did miss the creation of fiction where i go "wow what if this happened next" like yeah make this guy(s) [gender neutral] more miserable yippee <3
#does one not bring habits#i FEEL like laughing so hard bc i literally went#oh i know what edwards next nightmare will be bc of course im#putting another nightmare i love doing that to characters they are just like me for real#well past me anyways i have sort of solved my nightmare problem more or less#and its so sick of me bc YES its gonna be irving's body again bc he's haunted by that#bc he cant tell irving he dies and also how he dies#poor edward even jopson isnt gonna be able to help him#i might give little my last pov or this might get extended to 6 chapters#bc originally i did want to end with Edwards POV as he reflects the fact that#he was gonna have to die alone but now bc of fucking reasons he gets to live#with two ppl who do mean so much to him despite the fact thye should be dead they have to keep#goign on#Idk how i would fucking do it but id love to pull a slay#book end like i am going try to swing something but im not very good at planning fic sometimes#bc i get possessed and just start writing#but god it would be so tasty to have a book end in this fic#i just want to do it justice bc the title means a lot to me#a discord folk helped me come up with it & her writing is SO GOOD UAAAHHHR#and i dont want to waste a title she could've fucking SLAYED with ya know
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i got a long skirt for christmas and wore it for the first time recently and it's incredibly swishy and even if i keep treading on it when i go upstairs/walk around without my boots (or not on my tiptoes which i did do a lot) it's so worth it. it's soooo swishy and fun. i can Spin Around. this is so gender
#combined with my new habit of eye makeup and my binder its like whooaaag gender#i mean i also immediately put a fun neony patch and a few safety pins and a sort-of chain onto it but OUGH i lvoe that skirt so much#best thing is if i pull it up enough and fix it there i should be able to still bike with it#which is good bc if i cant take the bike wearing something then whats the point. ill just Not Wear It#a biscuit's rambles
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it’s only been 10 hours but my heart already aches for gem and the scotts i miss them so much
#life series#secret life smp#when scott told gem SHE had to be the one to kill him#SHE had to win it for them#they put their band first whenever they could#the fact that both the scotts both sacrificed themselves for gem#TWICE#i miss them they were a band they loved each other#also i did get flashbacks to lim life when martyn betrayed scott#and even though he died by his own mean gill he said he wouldn’t have it any other way#scott’s habit of making friends that he ultimately dies beside#impulse never being more than two degrees away from victory purely by luck#gem being in the FINAL THREE#this series was so good no notes#i’m gonna miss having something to look forward to on fridays
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Every now and then I find a fun new way to trigger an asthma attack its like enrichment for me
#at least this absolutely rules out an old bad habit that keeps threatening to rear its head#but also fuck me sideways#I do not enjoy trying to think through panic while also immobilized by dry heaving and my rapidly closing airways#especially when one of the things im thinking is that my ‘good’ inhaler is downstairs in my coat pocket#and those stairs are hazardous at the best of times#WHEEEEEE I JUST LOVE BEING PHYSICALLY DISABLED THE DELIGHTS TRULY NEVER END#AND I TRIGGERED IT BC I WAS TRYING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT ANOTHER TERRIBLE THING MU BODY HAS STARTED DOING#WHICH IS NOT DISABLING BUT /IS/ HATEFUL#bramble bramble#anyway some of my asthma triggers are complete bullshit like laughing? LAUGHING???#LAUGHING AT YE OLDE FRIVOLITIES AND JAPES COULD PUT ME IN A LIFE THREATENING MEDICAL SITUATION??????#but there are other things where it’s like yeeeaaaaaah I prolly shouldnt have been doing that
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theOrEticalLy . if I opened commissions at some point. would there be. a smackerel of interest . ??
#i have never opened them bc it’s intimidating and I don’t know how to price things!!#but mostly bc i work full time w a good salary so I don’t really need side things to make money#like it feels selfish to suggest that people should pay me to make fanart?? When#a) I already do that for free bc i enjoy it lol#and b) there are so many creators out there who are struggling to make ends meet#and I am privileged enough to generally not have to worry about that#this would be just like extra spending money to fund my scented candle habit DHDJDN#and the clothes I just bought while trying to Discover My Vibe and Finally Be Myself (at age 28 lol)#also tbh it would likely be reinvested in other commissions bc I buy commissions fairly often lol#anyway. idk the idea of commissions always sounded cool but also guilt inducing and scary#it feels weird and silly bc it would make me have to take my art seriously if that makes sense??#like me saying ‘I think I’m good enough at art that people would buy it from me.’ that feels so bold and like. arrogant or something dhjsjd#coming from me I mean. just a silly little guy who still struggles to draw human limbs properly#ok I’m thinking about how I’d have to make a commission sheet and put a dollar sign on my art and I’m aaaaaaa#and I’d have to execute exactly what people want and what if I can’t!!!#omg ok maybe noT help lol#well im not committing to anything rn im simply. asking a question while the dash is asleep and then running off to bed seeya#i think part of me always wanted to try commissions to see if I could be a Real Artist about it ??#and potentially end up with like. Portfolio pieces ??#why I would need an art portfolio I don’t know. I am an editor. What do I think I will be doing here#ppl left comments on my animatic that have been giving me crazy what if thoughts. sit down#don’t look at me#ohhh swirly brain thoughts I need to sleep
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Just a note to say thanks for bearing with me. ♡
#this has turned into more of a hiatus than i expected#i've not been putting pressure on myself to be here#so i've just been peeking occasionally#on the other side of the screen things have been a mix of good and bad#i've been settling into my new job#throwing myself into renovations#doing all the prep for christmas#attending my pottery class#minding my neighbour's cat while she's away#trying to get into the habit of using my art tablet#( when i git gud i'll share something and maybe start drawing our blorbos )#also just trying to be more ' present ' in the everyday#tw for medical and terminal illness but my uncle was recently diagnosed with multiple system atrophy#we thought it was parkinson's ( which is what took his father ) but it's actually so much worse than that#he was an avid cyclist just a few years ago and working as an aerospace engineer#now he's in a wheelchair and recently broke his hip for the third time#there's not much i can do but i want to be there for my family as much as i can#so thank you for your patience#rest assured i adore writing and roleplay is a very important part of my life#it is my main creative outlet and i value the friendships that spring from it#i hope to get the wheels turning again in the next couple of weeks#i'll be spring-cleaning behind the scenes#you are always welcome to reach out if you want to check the status of anything but just be aware i'll be slower than usual to reply#i hope life has been treating you all kindly – sending you my love ♡#◈ — ooc; saddest little baby in the room
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It sucks and I hate it but I will do it anyway.
#because it will be so good for me gosh darn it#i am fundamentally the kind of person who loathes delaying gratification#i want what i want and i want it RIGHT NOW#and putting something i want off is terrible because i have no self discipline#i have to push through it but this is much harder than it should be because i've gotten out of the habit of telling myself no#building good habits is so very hard
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a minute of silence to my skills to estimate how long a project is ever going to take
#my google calendar and Carl bot (and my friends) have been kind enough to inform me today was the estimated posting date of heist au#suffice to say that is not happening#it would have been rad to make a habit out of the co-occurrence of starting a new job and starting to post a finished WIP but alas#that will not be happening for a while longer#I have no idea when will I find the time for writing between two jobs and the big bang but. we'll work something out.#but hey it's good to give your projects breathing space so your brain can do the work in the background and solve the problems for you#I'll probably need to go back and revamp the whole last chapter I've been working on#but I'm still too sick and jet lagged and sick to be thinking about that so I'll consume some more media in the meantime#and complain about how bad the fic I'm listening to is. like god it's supposed to be so romantic and cute and he's literally#depriving her bodily autonomy and her friends support him I want to leave a strongly worded comment so bad#I will not be doing that but god it's so awful I should have stopped listening to this fic long ago. so that's a lesson learned.#put the fucking fic down there's plenty of stuff that's going to be better#hot take I sure no one saw coming sometimes things that are popular are actually bad#anyway have some stream of fucking consciousness /ref to another fic I'm fighting hard to keep discontinued#I know I won't like it why is this so hard#heist au should have been posted today based on maths btw. maths I did wrong for the first time which means it should have been posted#a year ago really#not like I have the proper structure to do a heist au daily#but it would have been fun to post the first chapter on the exact day it takes place. idk just for flavour#does all this make any sense? hardly. this is a diary entry and my two braincells are firing random thoughts at each other#that's fine though. it's all fine. here have some popcorn to go with all this nonsense 🍿🍿🍿 <3#(and also all the drama in the new shadow and bone season. ugh it's so good I love Wesper SO. MUCH. or just Waylan. and Nikolai.#he's my blorbo assigned at first relevant information. relavant information: he's my friend's blorbo#but gods he's so my type it's scary. of course I'll have him as my blorbo. of course of course!#*puts him on a shelf next to Adrien Draco and Hunter*#*steps back to think before putting Waylan there too and sitting Zuko on the far end*#war crimes look so good on them :3#miaing#heist au
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I hate feeling like time is not mine . I knew living at home would be like this bc there's various schedules and I don't understand anything in my mom's kitchen - it clutters my mind and makes it hard to feed myself and im left at the mercy of her food or she's like why don't u cook for all of us - and I can't say no to my sister and ofc my mom has a revolving door of guests staying for the next few weeks, im hoping it gets better when I "move into" the little annex to the house but either way I rly have to assert my own schedule and needs instead of being swept away
#have to put in more effort to do normal things and have a schedule#but also i have to rebuild discipline and scheduling cuz ive lost the habit lol#im so frustrated by the kitchen tho#like theres almost always something on all 4 burners and stuff all around the counter#how am i supposed to....#and my moms food is 😭 and nothing tastes as good as it did in india and my body is having a hard time adjusting back#and we said we'd call everyday and watch movies and time just gets away#restless to start a routine and have the grounding things i need
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I know beating yourself up is pointless but when you make a decision even though you know exactly what the consequences are going to be, because it's habit at this point, then not beating yourself up is really hard cause the circumstances themselves are beating you up
#looked at the word habit for too long and now it makes no sense#I need to reread Rosso Malpelo I've been having a thing for ghosts for the past few days#I'm good at knowing when the blame can be squarely placed on my shoulders and when I made a bad decision but#I couldn't have known at the time. or at least no fully or I wasn't thinking straight or something#like the one I made earlier this year or the one I made in November#but this time#it's really tiring and boring#I've kinda learned to deal with procrastination. sort of. an now I guess I'll have to work on this#but jesus I've always been like this. since I was kid. how did I not just stop earlier. how can I have to work on this when it's just#such a stupid habit that I should have beoken out of it years ago. it never brought me anything but misery and regrets#personal#I'll stop using this site as a diary istg it's just that if I don't put this stuff out where someone can see it just keeps rattling around#in my brain#or maybe I should start writing a diary again but only to get rid of dhitty thoughts#but the post + tags format is really perfect for this kind of thing
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