#something something insults and insecurities feel less when you can make fun of them

[justanothersillypoet]

Wanted

To feel wanted,

Is so good,

The idea of moving to a new place,

But still being with those people around you,

The "come with me"

The "please come when you can"

The "whenever your there is helpful"

The "whenever your there is good"

The feeling of being wanted

Surrounded by those who care,

You're still a bitch,

For the sake of our friendship,

That makes me smile,

Knowing that no matter the insults,

I am wanted,

I am here,

And that's half the joy of it all.

[atierrorian]

| Glad it's you | — R.H

PARING: Rook Hunt x Deaf!reader

SYNOPSIS: All your entire life, you knew silence. But—it isn't as bad as people make it out to be. Because even with your biggest flaw, he still chose you.

˗ˏˋGENRE ´ˎ˗ — Romance, fluff, angst/comfort

˗ˏˋCW ´ˎ˗ — Rook is already a warning. Ooc, mentions of bullying, stalking(It's Rook, duh) horrible poetry.

˗ˏˋNOTES ´ˎ˗ — Wow! It has been a while and I am so sorry for not making anything in quite some time, I've become so busy nowadays that writing has barely crossed my mind, so I'll make most of my free time writing this!

✎| Masterlists|Navigation |

♡ "Are you really willing to accept me?" ♡ "I've accepted you a long time ago."

People always pitied you for as long as you can remember now. Frequently assuming it must be hard not being able to hear. And yeah, sometimes—but it isn't as bad as they make it out to be, if anything, you find solace in the silent world you have lived in all your life. Sure, there were times when it was hard to understand people, especially if they didn't know sign language.

Luckily, you mostly used poems to interact with them. Though, it was amusing to see them struggle to grasp your poems—that's what makes it fun anyway.

And so, making use of your skills, you swiftly wrote down another poem for a certain hunter. He's one of the few people you've known who could actually decipher what your poems meant. And it's not to say each and every time you show him your masterpiece, he always seems to be on your level when it came to writing back to you.

It always makes you feel giddy inside when he writes back to you. Re-reading every syllable. Caressing the ink that was clearly carefully written with such consideration with each word he used, you couldn't help but feel as though he was hinting to you about something.

You scoffed; shaking the thought away. Who were you trying to fool? This was the Rook Hunt you were thinking about! He's like this with everyone. Besides—why would he go for someone who had a defect? To say the least, you weren't insecure with your disability but, thinking about the blonde hunter who seemed to always cross your mind whenever you wrote—you couldn't help but feel your heart tightening in your chest from such thoughts.

In the end, why would he choose you? You're nothing special, far from it anyway. You're just someone who could never hear and someone who just writes to communicate. But, even then, you were still wrapped around his fingertips. And besides—it doesn't hurt to hope, right?

You felt a hand placed on your shoulder, you froze. You had never stayed still like a statue so fast in your entire life until now. What? Millions of thoughts were racing through your mind right now—was it another of the students who were here to once again chuck balled up papers again? Take your poems away from you and ripped them to pieces or flames it until there's nothing left but ashes?

"Awww, what's this? Another one of your silly stories?"

"Look! It's another one of their love poems!"

"Pathetic if you ask me."

You didn't focused on them, you never even knew what they were saying, and you could care less what insults or degrading comments they were spewing from their filthy mouth. Your knees on the ground while clutching onto what was remains of the paper you once cherished. And they tore it all up like it was nothing.

Shuddering from the memory, you closed your eyes and continued to look at your lap; prepared for whatever torture they were gonna do to you again. Tore your poems? Throw paper at you? Mocking at you while you cry in tears because they had nearly killed you? What else did they had in store for you?

You gripped the paper even harder, shutting your eyelids even tighter if that was even possible. You were scared.

Huh.

You felt a piece of paper slid onto your lap, hesitantly, bit by bit, you forced your eyes to open to see what it was. Was it an insult written in a letter? If so, then you're surprised that they were even intelligent enough to finally realized that you had a hearing disability instead of using their vocals to try and insult you.

But no, it was not anything you expected or thought. Instead, your vision was blessed with a familiar handwriting. Subconsciously, you read what was was written on the white letter that graced your sight, and goodness it always doesn't fail to make your blood rushing through your face. By the sevens, how does he always make you feel this way?

Why such a blue face? You don't need to be ashamed of such a heartache; If you need someone to wipe your tears, my heart will gladly volunteer; What you consider flaws, is what I consider perfection —

Mon Cherie, you are the belle of my dairy heart, You, sweetheart, have me wrapped around your fingertips; I will never let go of the string that wraps around my wrist; That connects me, to you.

My heart beats loudly; even you could hear it— If your heart longs for anything, Mon cherie, just write to me; And tell me all your silly sorrows. -Rook Hunt

Though it was short and simple, you couldn't help but re-read the words every now and then. You smiled seeing the words written on the paper. How could you not? His words sweet like candy, it was addicting in a way even you were worried you wouldn't get enough of it. Or maybe it's too late for you.

Your heart started racing so fast you thought even you could hear it. The more you examined the poem the more it started to look like a love confession. But it couldn't be that, could it? You so badly wanted to hope that you had a chance but you didn't want to get your hopes up.

You, sweetheart, have me wrapped around your fingertips.

Those lines, shit, you couldn't help but swoon over them. Clutching the poem, you finally gazed at the author with wonders and hope. He smiled at you and signed those three words you've been waiting to see.

"I love you."

Was it even possible for your heart to be beating faster than it was before? You held the poem closer to your beating heart, trying to conceal it; worried he might hear it. It felt like your heart was about to leap out of your chest. You sighed dreamily and thanked your heart for choosing him.

Meanwhile, Rook chuckled seeing your flustered expression. He found beauty in all things whether it was considered good or bad to others. But he found you the most beautiful of them all. He won't lie, he fell for you hard when he saw you. Because even when he learnt about your flaw, it didn't matter to him; you were still the fairest of them all. You weren't able to hear his words—but that's alright; he'll gladly write thousands or more letters if it meant to show you just how much he loves you.

He'd gladly and happily dance in hot and burning shoes if it meant to show you his devotion to you, just to show how much he cares for you. And if anyone were to make you doubt? Let's just say they wouldn't be coming closer to you anymore if they caused you pain. But before that, he'd come and comfort you, with words written on paper just so all your worries would go away.

Even if his fingers start to go numb and bruises appear, he won't stop until he finally sees you smile. He's glad that his heart chose you.

END

Wow! Uhm, heyy ik it's been awhile but I finally found enough inspiration to make this! Again sorry it's been awhile I've been so busy that I barely found any time to write at all, but I do hope you guys liked this!

[leclercsfilm]

but i'll know, i'll know

this is all fanfiction, all fake!!! no hate towards charlotte or alexandra (if that's her name idk). this is purely for fun and please don't be rude to me or insult me. thank you. <333 also, i checked grammar so i think it's fine? word count: 873 (i can't write more ig)

summary: because of your friendship with charles, his significant other wants you out of his life. (angst)

charles leclerc x female!reader

another bad race for ferrari. charles crushed into a wall and carlos got a penalty. you watch the race on your phone, hopping to see charles while he is exiting the car. it hurts not being there for him in times like this but you know he is in a good hands.

maybe you are blaming on your little 'something different' that you feel towards him, but you feel your eyes filling with tears. ever since his new relationship, you had mixed feelings on both of them. he started calling less, and every time you see each other, his girlfriend made sure that the meeting lasts only couple of minutes.

you are still in touch with arthur, your other friend you made while watching your brother go karting with charles. you were all pretty close until you weren't. that's how it is supposed to be.

charles new girlfriend saw you as a threat, and you understand her. insecure with you along side him (even if you only see each other on races or on a reunions), or media attention and their stupid tabloids.

since age 10, this is all you knew. it hurts you that you can't be part of this.

you had a slight crush on charles when you first met, but that feeling got lost somewhere until he broke up with the previous girlfriend.

he was a mess, and you were his comfort. not only you, but there was pierre, lando, arthur, carlos, isa, kika.... everybody was there for him.

he accidentally kissed you, and he apologized 330430 times for that. but that woke up something in you. since then you were always confused around him, trying  not to blush or to be awkward enough for him to notice.

he did. he did notice. and when his girl said that he should stay away from you, he realized that it was probably for the best. he was also confused, but he had her by his side. he needs to be with her and devote his mind and soul to his girlfriend, not to wonder and question the situation with you. this was an easy way out.

you got up and started to look for something to eat. it was a mess of a day and you need to refresh yourself with something. distracting yourself.

while making food, you realize that the sun is not out anymore and that it is 8 p.m. you got your laptop and started to look up for netflix. just when you were trying to find where you left on 'friends' your phone started ringing.

without looking at it, you just picked it up.

'hallo?'

'y/n?'- a famous voice just started breathing into the phone

'charles? is everything alright?' - mutter while praying to God above that everything is fine

'yeah.... i just wanted to hear you for a bit...' - he sounded tired

'sure.. um, what now?' - confused as always, you said the first thing that came to your mind

'did you watched the race? it was pretty shit to be honest. im still shaking a little bit.'

'yes i watched it. sure it was a rough day for you'- you said while looking at the netflix which is infornt of you. you can't even calm yourself down.

'where is....she? is she with you? is there arthur or someone who can be with you?'

'no.... no really. im in bathroom. i had to escape somehow. arthur is waiting for me to get out. she was not even here. we had a fight last week.' - he sounded defeated. with his sigh, the silence got her way.

'im sorry to hear it charles. have you been drinking?' - you were worried about him, you think it never stopped.

'a little bit, yes. but im fine.'

'why are you calling me charles?' - you added

'i don't know why everytime im tipsy or drunk, i think of you. im sorry i couldn't defend you. i still think of our childhood, im sorry for throwing it away... i got scared, i got confused.. it was easier to run....'

charles cried, choking on his tears. your eyes watered as well, and you had to take a deep breath to hold back from crying out loud.

'you know... sometimes...no,no... almost always i have memories overwhelming me. it hurts so bad because you where always in every segment of my childhood, part of it. you were asking too much of me. i can't forget you...' - you cried out, while you wipe your tears.

'im sorry y/n. im so sorry. i don't know what i feel towards you. it not just friendship. i think we could be more. but we can't... and you know it. maybe this is just a process of healing... of forgetting.' - he tired to be collected. he really did. he needed to find a reason.

'well... it was nice to hear you charles. take care of yourself. don't be harsh to yourself..' - with that, you ended the call.

closing your laptop, you finally let emotions to control you. you finally let out frustrations and your tears. your memories with him no one can change or make disappear. you'll always know and remember him, but you'll never know what you two could be.

well, this was painful for me to read, im so sorry. i wish i was better. :( please, remember that english is not my first language and that i've created this account to fix my mistakes and my grammar. please do not insult me and make fun of me. love you <3

[planefood]

Autism and Isolation, discussing my experience and my characters

I think i've said here before that my robot characters represent my experience growing up disabled where I live. My characters being robots specifically were made to represent feelings of being made to feel less human in some way due to it. While all my characters in that story are on the spectrum and represent different parts of my experience, I used Mikey as the cover of this post because he represents a certain part of myself that makes me incredibly attached to him (there's a reason I say I like writing him so much, despite him not being the main protagonist). He's the part of me that understands I need help with things but is too afraid to ask leaving me in horrible positions, he's the part of me who screams in public when I feel trapped, he's the part of me that could probably never live by myself, he's the part of me who's scared and vulnerable. Among other things. But also he's the part of me who, like many of my peers, feels isolated in everyday spaces and autistic spaces alike due to peoples perceptions of what autism "should" be, these same people welcome fidget toys and stimming with open arms turn around and think its okay to call me the r slur or infantalise me or make fun of until I cry. But I only cry because I thought i'd be welcomed in those spaces with my autistic peers and I cry because I told my younger self it would get better and people would be nicer to us once we were an adult with like minded people. These same people who, despite being open and proud about supporting neurodiversity still think its okay to use the word autistic as an insult against me. I feel like while people appear so much more accepting of disabled people with these small gestures than I was when I was growing up, I still feel like an outsider in these spaces but this time it feels like I've hit a wall. Like a, "who will support me if the people who are meant to don't?" it leads to a lot of insecurity and self loathing, it makes me feel like I'm not autistic in the "right way" and there's just something wrong with me as a person. I wrote these into Mikey, which makes him seem like he has a 'thin skin' to people like Tandy. Mikey, in my story, is often left behind or teased by other characters in my story even the ones who are also on the spectrum. They also struggle with their own battles with facing ableism and self hatred due to it but don't realise the first step to tackling that is unpacking how they treat others around them. You'll never be able to love your true authentic autistic self if you throw ableist rhetoric at people around you. That includes saying shit like "I'm autistic and I don't act like that guy does whats their excuse" or "I'm not making fun of them because they're autistic they just act weird" I'm low support needs autistic, I've seen how people treat high support needs autistic people and its even more sickening, other low support needs autistic people like to pretend they don't exist or throw them under the bus to make themselves more appealing to ableists: "See autistic people don't actually act like that, support me because I can mask" or even trying to say autism isn't a disability. My characters and writing while being a representation of myself being disabled is also a scathing criticism of the cruelty I see in the world at large, the cruelty I see in other people in ND and disabled communities and the cruelty I see within myself. I get scared about my future with how people treat me, but when I have characters I can write these struggles into it makes it a little easier. I know there's people who love me for who I am and there's people out there who love you guys for who you are too.

[wajjs]

What do you think about the current stories written by DC? You can be as vague or incredibly specific about this

I think DC Comics is hitting Absolute Stagnation 2: It gets worse!

I thought they were stagnant before, but honestly, that wasn't stagnant. That was moving an inch after 2 business days from the previous moving an inch. But now? Now it's like that Austin Power's scene where his car is stuck between two walls and he can't move either forward or backwards.

I think the main issue is that they refuse to let new writers in AND they stick to using the same writers who do not know how to a) tell a fun and dynamic story b) tell a story without destroying the characters c) all of the above.

Tom Taylor and Tom King are, together, a big reason DC Comics stories feel underwhelming. Like a whole bunch of nothing. With the key difference being that Tom Taylor is absolutely BORING to read, nothing ever happens (like in his Nightwing run), and when something happens it doesn't matter because there are no stakes no sacrifices no repercussions or consequences. There's nothing. You cut out Taylor's run from the characters' publication history and nothing at all is missing. He's THAT inconsequential.

With King, he's not boring, sure, but my god he is UPSETTING. He thinks his shit doesn't stink and makes himself to be a really profound writer, when in reality he does not understand the characters he's writing about and even less so the genres he's trying to pay homage to. He tries to be subtle and his subtlety is the same one of a brick being thrown and smashing a window.

He breaks already well established characters to make them fit into tiny little boxes just so he can tell a story that is praised in huge part for the good art it's presented with. He would not be as popular if he didn't have excellent artists paired with him.

Not to mention what he did to Catwoman/Selina. He stripped her of her agency and gave her no say over HER OWN BODY when he wrote her to be pregnant with Bruce’s baby. She repeatedly constantly explicitly says she DOESN'T want it, she DOESN'T want to be a mom, but we are made complicit of Bruce smirking and acting like he knows best and coercing Selina into having that baby. For what? Literally. For what?

(WITHOUT MENTIONING HOW HE BUTCHERED BOTH GUY AND HAL IN INSULTING WAYS AND NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING ABOUT IT)

Anyway.

The main issue is that DC Comics keeps giving opportunities and praises to mediocre white cishet men when they do less than the bare minimum (tell an entertaining story). When there's someone of color writing, they actively sabotage it.

With the most current stories, like the GL ones, it just goes to show how they keep going for the most mediocre writers they can find. Jeremy Adams does not know how to write adults, women, and romantic relationships. I'm sorry but I'm not going to take as romance something that's built off of stalking, harassing, and punching down on decades of character history just to reduce the woman into a hormonal emotional insecure mess that all she wants to do is glue herself to Her Man(tm) and call it a day.

The recent events are also both entirely unnecessary and they will have little to no long lasting repercussions. All they do is clog the current on going comics and force the already mediocre writers into tight corners that only expose the mediocrity even more.

[unidentifiedseacreature]

They learn you're insecure

Freddy 🐻

- Believes the best people never realise they are

- Will not hesitate to remind you that you're awesome

- Nothing much changes since he always compliments his superstars

- But he becomes more pushy when you don't accept his compliments

- Lectures you when you insult yourself

- When you make a passing comment about everyone being his superstar, he cuts down on saying it so that you can know you're more special

Monty 🐊

- When you admit it to him, he admits that he is ashamed of his anger issues

- Understands that the last thing insecure people want is to be treated differently

- "That doesn't mean I'll go easy on ya"

- Doesn't bring it up unless you do

- Becomes more touchy when he teases you, to make sure you know he's joking

- Less bitter when you win games against him

- Puts you on his shoulders and calls you 'majesty'

- Makes sure everyone knows when you win something

Chica 🐔

- Encourages you to do things outside of your comfort zone

- Your number 1 fan

- Always adds a compliment when referring to you, such as:

'The incredible Y/N', 'The amazing Y/N' and 'The one and only Y/N'

- Believes people could always do with more of everything. More food, more play, more friends, more fun

- Tries to get you to do exciting things with her on bad days

- The first time you ever saw her insult someone was when you told her about something mean your boss said to you

Roxy 🐺

- The most understanding

- You confide in each other about your insecurities

- Encourages you to do affirmations

- Becomes less competitive around you because she knows you're in the same boat

- "You're amazing"

- "No, you're amazing"

- Feels bad that you're also insecure. You're awesome, you have no reason to feel unworthy.

- "Why do you like Y/N so much?"

- "Because they're the best"

- She says it like it's so obvious and they're an idiot to not know

Bonnie 🐰

- "Hey, don't worry about it. We all feel a little unhappy with ourselves sometimes, it's just that you feel it more"

- Puts more effort into including you and spending time with you

- Acts more goofy to cheer you up on bad days

- Finds it awkward to compliment people but always supportive

- Blames all of your problems on capitalism

Foxy 🦊

- "Thar's no point spending yer whole life dwellin' over yer insecurities. Thar's much better things to do"

- Tells you stories with morals of accepting yourself

- Gets more talkative to distract you on bad days

- "Do you like me?"

- "Thar's no point sailin' with people you can't call yer mates," He leans closer to you and grins. "Also helps that yer my favourite"

Sun ☀️

- "Aww friend, you don't have to worry about that"

- Frequently reminds you of how amazing you are

- Would easily list everything he likes about you

- "Nobody loves me"

- *Sun appears out of nowhere* "I love you!"

- "I have no friends"

- *Sun hangs down from the ceiling* "I'm your friend!"

Moon 🌑

- 'Y/N has so many strengths, the only thing that would make them think they weren't good enough would be if somebody else convinced them'

- Concludes that he must protect you at all costs

- Tries to get you to accept your weaknesses instead of disagreeing

- Gives you facts that you can't argue with

DJ Music Man 🎵

- Makes sure to encourage you more, even though that's usually just an enthusiastic thumbs up when you finish a task

- Glares and shakes his head when you insult yourself

- Plays music to distract you

- Encourages you to dance

- Wishes he could speak to compliment you

[yanderelmk]

Can I request headcanons of peng, syntax and macaque as a yandere team with a gn reader? After that Britney Spears song I grew curious of how they can be or work together, thank you! And take all the time you need I know the feeling so don't rush yourself 💝

I genuinely think they're like the three Heathers

They have picked you up, dusted you off, and now you are their collective purse poodle that they feed scraps to while sitting at brunch talking about their exes (it's ok they each buy you something)

They're honestly the best people to have your back whenever someone's being shady. Peng immediately steps up to present himself as the bigger threat to play defense while Syntax guides you out of the situation while the creep is distracted. Meanwhile Macaque is already outside slashing the person's tires and stealing their license plate

As for people that's a threat to them and/or their darling, Syntax has their IP address within the hour. He'll take care of any security systems so Macaque and Peng can move in. Depending on how much they dislike their target, the fun can last from anywhere from thirty minutes to eight hours. If they're feeling creative, they'll make the final gruesome scene look artful, in a way. They have pictures from each kill like some kind of twisted Girl's Night Out that they have in scrapbooks

Dynamic of The Nerd, The Emo, and The Jock except they're all obsessed with you and adore you

All three of them can be pretty sarcastic, but after a while you learn that they never insult you with their passive-aggressive remarks. If they want you to know something they'll likely say it straight to your face

I've been working on a small playlist for these guys, so far I'll say that Peng, Macaque, and Syntax combined definitely make for yanderes that are on the Bitchy side. Gossiping, lies, rumors, and it's a really fun game for them

Ripping into every insecurity their rival has until they can only crawl away to a dark hole to wither away in

They're extremely careful to hide this nasty part of themselves from you

Syntax has access to everyone's DMs he will absolutely know the second you're getting suspicious or that someone else is getting suspicious. The others will immediately be alerted.

Syntax is also liable to completely dox someone he doesn't like just because he's That Petty

If ever you break their hearts the result would be CATASTROPHIC

Your entire personal life is going to be broadcasted all over the internet for everyone to see. Ever embarrassing photo, text, or video? It's live now and no one is taking it down anytime soon

The next phase would lead to you coming home to your home completely trashed from the inside out. Every precious item you own is destroyed beyond recognition, claw and talon marks all over your clothes and bed.

Finally when you think things can't get any worse, the door slams shut locked behind you. You try to open it to no avail, and the windows won't open either...and then you smell the fire they set in your living room

The last thing you'll hear is their mocking laughter as they watch from outside, one darling less but two friends richer

[seth-burroughs]

The Rain Code x Warriors au no one asked for nor will receive an explanation for

What's up I'm still doing bad and feel my last year's mystery stress sickness is coming back and none of my drafts are anywhere remotely close to getting finished anytime soon because of that how are you are you interested in cat

(picked the TPB timeline because it makes the most sense and has the most fitting characters, but I might cheat or bend it a little, we'll see)

Yuma Kokohead -> Rusty/Firestar

Main boy :) because of course he is. Yuma's now an orange cat. Firestar was the name of Number One, and Rusty (canonically Fire's old house cat name, I'm not calling them kittypets I'm sorry) was the name of the trainee he very politely borrowed his identity for.

Makoto Kagutsuchi -> Scourge

In wc canon, Scourge is also Firestar's half-brother (but they don't ever knooow) and they both kill each other + he's canonically stated to be VERY short like one of the smallest cats in the series. After the cloning, Makoscourge painted his fur completely black except for a one white paw (for the aesthetics. or maybe I'll just give Fire a white paw as well, kinda like Yuma's and Makoto's lil ahoges), started wearing the "OwO" mask, the dog tooth studded shrimp color collar, the fucking blood dyed amv bangs, the dog tooth reinforced claws........ The former CEO took him to hot topic for the first time in his life and he was fucking MESMERIZED none of them knew what they have brought upon themselves by this single act. He is a very silly man, lost in the whimsy. When his mask gets pulled off in the Mystery Labirynth, his face is just not dyed at all and it's just ginger with green eyes just like Rusty's/Firestar's/Yuma's/whatever.

Shinigami -> Spottedleaf

In canon, Spottedleaf does infamously end up haunting Firestar's dreams as a ghost to send him cryptic visions and furiously make out with him in front of his pregnant wife, he did have a crush on her before she died and I'm pretty sure she was retconned into reciprocating it was real bad and then they double killed her so Fire won't have to choose between her and his wife in heaven it was REAL bad uhh. I still like her though. I can get you out of the narrative girl just take my hand.... She can be the weirdgirl incarnate she was always meant to be. I wanted to say something else but then I realized holy shit I'm just tweaking her into Bonefall rewrite Spottedleaf am I... What can I say it IS peak Spottedleaf.

Yomi Hellsmile -> Tigerstar

Also extremely obvious. He is evil and has immaculate sexual tension between the protag whoops sorry I forgot literally only me and like 2 other people here ship Yuma and Yomi uhh anyway. While it does fit I'm a little dissapointed that Yomi/Tigerstar is gonna be losing so much of his cringe charm..... Like, say goodbye to deeply unserious insecure prettyboy toothpick Yaoi with silly little insults such as "umbrella sewing machine man operating hand hook car table" and how do I even describe all of this in less than 3 paragraphs. Say hello to broad-shouldered muscular extremely intimidating 100% serious and competent fascist built like a fucking brick shithouse with very broad-shoulders that doesn't need a henchman boytoy to handle all his numerous murders, have I mentioned his massive fucking broad shoulders, Firestar sure did do that a lot. It's like, where's the fun..... Whatever.... I guess...........😔😔😔

Martina Electro -> Leopardstar

Now for an assigned role I'm way more cool with >:)))) for an outrageously long while I had trouble with whether Martina should be Sasha or Goldenflower, fool I was, until I remembered Leopardstar fucking exists. She is literally perfect like I cannot state this enough. AND canonically she was later retconned to have feelings for Tigerstar but I hate to acknowledge it how dare you massacre Lep like that. She can still be his gf alongside vice director though, she's just engaging in acts of deceit whilst putting opioids in his food and trying her darndest to convince herself she's actually 100% in control of the situation before she's dragged to the cube dimension and has a brief "are we the baddies" moment. I don't think she still resigns from being a peacekeeper though Leopardstar 100% would take that fucking promotion the moment she's offered it and a year later when she' done feeling guilty regresses back into being a violent asshole she has learned NOTHING❤️

Fake/Hitman Zilch -> Darkstripe

So many dissapointments happening here sigh..... This one was obvious and honestly the only valid option for FZilch aside from maybe Nightwhisper or Blackfoot? Anyway, the downsides: one, Darkstripe will never be as cool as fake Zilch he thrives on being a cringe mistreated lickspittle. Two, he's definitely not one of Tigerstar's "closest advisors (🏳️‍🌈)" whilst Dark is pretty obsessed Tiger does not give a shit and considers him a looooooser boooo lameee fuck you *canonically swats him away with his tail that one scene*. But, I mean, at least the toxic yaoi became an entire new category of toxic.

Swank Catsonell -> Brokenstar

Pure vibes. It just fits. He employs small children and makes them fight to the death in his office for glory

Seth Burroughs -> Longtail

In canon, another one of Tigerstar's lackeys that didn't know about his crimes and when he found out he immediately left. I thought he was not evil enough to be Seth at first, but it kinda fits and he does make up for it in his cringe value and being noted to be a coward, though that may have been just Fire's opinion. Also, with all the bunny Seth Burrows jokes, I'd like to mention Longtail got his eyes clawed by a rabbit so hard he went blind so do with that what you will

Guillaume Hall -> Russetfur

Aaaand this is where I started having trouble with the remaining peacekeepers. Eventually I settled on Russetfur & Blackfoot/Blackstar for Guillaume and Dominic, because I like this danger duo I and some of the fandom completely made up about them. It's okay, the authors don't know you like we do...... While Blackstar did have a higher rank and Russet was his deputy, I do think she still had at least an equal amount of power as him, they're buddies pair bonded for life Blackstar is nodding respectfully to whatever incomprehensible wisdom she's sharing

Dominic Fulltank -> Blackfoot/star

In canon, started out as a murderous henchman of two major equally murderous evil dictators, before they both died and he finally got that boss promotion he always wanted, then he got ruined by the, you guessed it, retcons, but I don't like to be reminded of his atrocity of a novella. I always imagined Blackstar as like, unbelievably jacked holy shit the muscles on that cat, (and honestly most of the fandom does too so. lmao) and he does indeed canonically unflinchingly do the dirty work of all his bosses such as killing and maiming and destroying an

You get the point. He serious'd. Darkstripe wishes he could be him. And I'm pretty sure that was even canonically implied in the sixth book lmaooooooooo. Loser <3

Dr. Huesca -> um. Goosefeather?

The looks definitely fit, Dr. Huesca indeed bears striking resemblance to that tortured feline. However, while sometimes an asshole, Goose is definitely not evil... But he could be. He deserves to be. As a treat. Also: old man pride

Kurumi Wendy -> Cinderpaw/pelt

Easy, get Cinder'd idiot. They even have a pretty similiar energy too, I feel. This is where I got a bit tired, uhh...It's 11pm. Anyway I love Cinder and I love Kurumi say anything bad about them and I'll start scream crying on the floor

Halara Nightmare -> Yellowfang

Halara gets the old beam. They're now in their fucking 60s or something perhaps 70s. Yellowfang, on the other hand, gets the non-binary spec beam. She already gave off massive butch vibes in canon already, whatever. I don't think I can uhh in short terms explain Yellowfang's whole deal rn but the gist of it she's a very snarky grandma figure to Fire that gradually warmed up to him while she was- my cat vomited. While he was assigned to take care of her while she was taken prisoner into ThunderClan camp. Her personality's pretty funky. And she does seem cool enough in order to deserve to be Halara Nightmare.

Desuhiko Thunderbolt -> Graystripe

I think I'm taking a break and coming back to this tomorrow actually after all. Hello this is tomorrow Jasper. In canon, Graystripe is Fire's silly goofy boybestie when they're young, then he starts secretly dating Silverstream - hold on i can't fuvking take tjis im making myself hot cocoa again bye. Ok it's done let's see if that makes me feel something. As I was saying he's dating this cat and she's from a rival Clan so that's illegal forbidden love and then she dies during childbirth and he leaves his own Clan for a while to raise their babies there but then he gets exiled and goes back to his own and then his kids almost get publically executed for being half-clan so he and his buddies rescue them. And then he gets abducted by humans and meets this new gal called Millie and they start dating and then she gives birth to his new babies and then a tree falls on one of them. I'm pretty sure Fire was also pretty gay for that guy. Uh, anyway. I think he fits the bill because of his goofy charm but also it's pretty disturbing to imagine any iteration of Desuhiko actually getting bitches

Fubuki Clockford -> um. uh. Silverstream?

Silverstream, in canon, is the only daughter of Crookedstar, the leader of RiverClan, and is (implied to not having a problem with) getting various privileges because of this. Fits with Fubuki's rich timelord parents, plus light blue aesthetic, and a few other things which are hard to articulate. Only thing is that she's generally way more headstrong and impulsive than Fubuki showed to be, could "bend her father to her will with little effort", and disrespects the law if it's stupid to her which, queen shit. I think she'll play a lot of little pranks with her time powers, and devote her free time/time with YumaRusty when he's accused of terrorism crimes (but that's just unrestrained summer fun anyway) to absolutely decimate any peacekeepers they come across with some looney tunes shit

Vivia Twilight -> I'll be honest I have no fucking idea

Zero fucking idea. Literally NOBODY in this arc fits for the 5D chess of a character Vivia is. I'm not even sure if in any of the books. Help me. But also I don't really care because I don't even like Vivia at all anyway he freaks me out get him away from me.

Yakou Furio -> Bluestar?

Protag mentor figure except Bluestar is actually doing a good job at that until she loses her marbles after her mid-arc torment gauntlet and has a corruption arc until she drowns and gets healed of all her issues momentarily before fucking dying. She has a dead husband, dead mom, dead sister, dead baby, dead deputy, dead deputy #2, dead bestie, holy shit that's a lot of motives for suicidemurdering Huesgoose. Btw Goose was her weird voice of god hearing uncle in canon (and he was also dead) but I'm probably taking it out unless. Anyway she's kinda too good for Yakou but. They're also both blue like that is a blue cat

And for some side characters, keyword some:

Aiko -> Littlepaw/cloud

Aetheria's now not an all girls school anymore sorry I cannot do this guys. Littlecloud was Cinder's/Kurumi's good buddy and I like their friendship. Unfortunately, you know what that means.

Karen -> Swiftpaw

Originally was supposed to have Aiko's place before I remembered Little exists. In canon his most notable moment was dying brutally, which I mean also fits the Karen quota. Plus, while not an asshole per se he does have a more fiery/overall angry personality and he did try to impulsively take on a pack of dogs to prove himself and fucking died, if under enough pressure I'm pretty sure he could smash Aiko's/Littlepaw's head in with a brick too👍👍

Yoshiko, Waruna, Kurane -> Brackenpaw/fur, Thornpaw/claw, Brightpaw/heart?

Siblings in canon and two of them are guys so no murderous yuri I guess :(( But I mean I don't have to follow canon to a T anyway lmao so we'll see. In canon, basically the other three remaining apprentices along with Swiftpaw and the ashfern siblings, plus they do function as a trio via just being sibs. Plus some notes from the books: Cinder is the fourth sibling. Brightpaw follows Swiftpaw in his quest to slay the doggy and while he dies she survives but gets her eyeball and half of her entire face's fur torn off.

Real Zilch -> Redtail

He's very dead. Very, very dead. His most iconic moment was dying abruptly and tragically via murder rip in rest

Kei Colan -> Snowkit

He is a child. That's a little boy

Snowkit, signing furiously: MY MAMA GOT FRAMED AND IS GOING TO BE PUBLICALLY EXECUTED BY THE PEACEKEEPERS IF NOTHING IS DONE PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE. HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Yellowfang, signing back in swagful motions: and how much cash does your mama have on her currently

Jiei Colan -> Speckletail

Snowkit's very old mama. Looks like she could kill you but genuinely does not have a body count. Yet.

Ramen Stand Owner -> Ravenpaw

Ravenpaw in canon hit the bricks and ran away from the Clans due to being in danger there, and lived out the rest of his days on a farm with his cowboy boyfriend Barley mostly free of drama. I'd say that fits lmao. We can make his old name Rusty, not a problem.

Margulaw -> Pinestar

90 year old voice "yeah so uhh my fucking son grew up to be a dictator now. When he was a newborn ghosts were yelling at me to kill him because he'll grow up to be a bad man otherwise and of course like any sane kanaiwardian father I said "fuck that" and had to leave ma' family behind run away from the company so the demons would shut up. And y'know little buddy... Sometimes I wonder. Sometimes I just can't help but. Y'know. Anyway. Sigh."

Do you get my vision did that sound comprehensible

[anicekidlikeme]

My mindlessness, my fat nose, and my floppy boobs.

In Summa Theologica, Thomas Aquinas said that extravagance is impossible (Of course, he meant this in the scope of loving God, the context in its essence, is that there is no moderation to which one can be virtuous. We can never love God too much).

While I am willing to take Aquinas' word for it, I do think of extravagance quite often in the narrow sphere of my life. Maybe I dropped my philosophy major because my interpretation of text is far too simplistic: I tend to think of everything in my own terms, and I can guarantee you that I have some pretty lavish feelings (ones that I am constantly struggling to make less extravagant). I wish everytime I felt something grand, and everytime I thought no, this is too much. These feelings are far too big for my heart , I was able to scream into a void without any shame. I want to fucking reclaim all my feelings (doing it on the internet is a very strange way to go about this).

Today was one of those days where I did not get out of bed until I absolutely had to. Ten minutes before my 10:00 am therapy session, I was rushing to brush my teeth and then bolting to her office. Therapy went well just incase it fancies you. So well that after I was back to my little dorm, I cleaned, showered, and put on my blue sundress. It doesn't suit me, my boobs look too floppy. Remember when everyone in high school made fun of you for that? I thought. It was an extravagantly insecure feeling. After an hour had passed, I walked back into my communal college bathroom to pee, and I saw on one of the sink counters, my green cup that I use as a toothbrush holder.

I forgot my toothbrush in the bathroom, and I realized it hours later. That is all.

But it wasn't all. Infact, it felt like the end of the world. I am so fucking mindless, I thought to myself. It was an extravagantly disappointing feeling.

I first heard that word from my mother. Mindless. I had forgotten to do something, I think, or maybe I got a bad grade on my Chemistry test, or maybe I didn't clean in a way that was upto standard. Who knows. All I remember is her saying Vaibhavi, how can you be so fucking mindless all the time? Do you think about anything? The first time that happened, I cried and I cried. That was my usual strategy. Everytime mom would throw a new insult my way, I'd allow myself one day of preparation. I had a terrible fear of crying because it felt like confirmation that I had been affected by people's actions.

There was never any space for alone time when I grew up, there was always somebody in every room, and always somebody everywhere I went. I was never fucking left alone. So, everytime I found an empty room with an open door, I would run. I would run to the room and slam the door shut as quickly as I could. I would close my eyes and just fucking enjoy being alone. No screaming, no problems. Usually this safe-haven was the bathroom. So, I would turn on the water, and just cry. But there were rules to this crying thing. After the bathroom-cry moment, I could not shed a single tear, and I fucking stuck to it. With every punch my parents threw my way, with every time I was compared to my father, with every crazy screaming session, I would never fucking cry. I've had a few close calls though. Sometimes it would feel like my throat was on fire because I just wanted to scream cry.

I wanted to sob like a little girl back when I was a little girl, and for some reason that was the most embrassing fucking thing in the world.

I remember this one time my mom privately reached out to all my friends from high school and told them not to talk with me anymore because she was worried I was making up lies about my home life after a very serious breakdown. My friends listened to her, and it was the worst I have ever felt. I came back home and as the fight began, I just couldn't fucking help it. I cried. I cried in front of my mother. I just stood there stiffly, no movements, no expressions, and I cried. Cry now, with your fat fucking nose, was what she said to me. It was an extravagantly painful feeling.

I am always fearful while speaking about her, because I do not wish to negatively simplify the very complex person that mom is. She is smart, enduring, angry, sad, conflicted, and in her own ways, caring. I would never wish to reduce her to just our relationship, which as it stands, is very shaky. But she is good, and I can't help that I am protective of her sometimes. She is a good person, just like everyone else is.

I do think sometimes that I am very mindless. This whole moving to America with no money and no backup plan thing is pretty mindless. Maybe I would never lose so many things if I weren't, and perhaps I could focus more on my work in one sitting. Maybe I would never have gotten sexually assaulted if I weren't so mindless. Maybe I would be more careful with my words. Maybe I would be more careful with my actions. It might be too unproductive to think of what would happen if I did not spend all that time practicing heavy emotional control, and just let myself cry in front of my mother all the times I have wanted to. Would she feel regretful? Would her face soften? Would we both try to sit down and talk it out calmly? Would we realize that we have each other? I never protested to any accusations. Back then, that is what felt too unproductive. But it caused me an extravagant amount of rage. Rage that sometimes feels like it has lived in the bottom of my belly for years.

But here I am, with my weird floppy boobs, and my weird fat nose, and my mindlessness still at full force, so maybe it never fucking mattered. I decided when I came to this country that I would drop the act. All of it. But sometimes remanents of the person I used to be resurface in bits and pieces. It sets me back. I wish this didn't happen. But it is okay, atleast I cry now. And while I do still care a lot about who gets to see me cry, I will never try to resist it again. Being sentimental, needing alone time, being angry, being in love, being stupid, telling white lies, they are all part of me (just like they are a part of my mother), and I don't mind myself at all until somebody else does. I am trying not to do that, but it will probably take years. God I wish I was rich and done with this finding-yourself-stage.

Remember Aquinas' theory about the first mover? Nothing moves by itself. To him, the first mover is God (to me it is not). I am probably my own first mover. I am moving around all these old shitty feelings to give them space, acknowledge them, and then hopefully have some new space for happier shit. I think perhaps your parents are supposed to be your first movers. Fill you up with values, lessons, habits. They adjust you into position with comfort and security. They are supposed to move shit around for you so that you are equipped with stability. If my mom saw me in my blue sundress, she would say she hates it.

I strongly dislike feeling sorry for myself. So I will say that doing shit myself feels much more rewarding, and Lexapro totally works.

[macksalotl]

I love my friends

I love my friends a whole lot, and I would do absolutely anything for all of them. I have so much love to give sometimes, and I think that’s why I’ve stuck around. I love helping others, and sometimes that’s just being there and telling them how much they mean to you. How boring it would be without them there with you. Sometimes it’s giving them a little gift because they mentioned liking something vaguely, or them mentioning needing something so you get it for them before they even have to put in the effort of getting up. Sometimes it’s just sitting in silence and letting your presence fill the room (or the call) for them. Sometimes it’s a tight hug that goes on for way too long and is way too warm for either of your likings, but you don’t let go until they do. Sometimes it’s being on call with them and reading a book aloud even when your throat begins to hurt because you don’t want to disturb their slumber. Sometimes it can even be leaning against them and letting your eyes drift closed, to let them know that you trust them and feel comfortable with them there with you when you’re your most vulnerable. I love loving. It’s my favourite thing to do and it’s the best quality I possess.

I do love receiving love in return, but sometimes I just love helping others feel like they belong on this planet just a bit more than they did before. If only I were a bit more poetic, then maybe I would find the words I’m looking for to tell them this. So, instead I will write this and send it off into the world, to let it know that I cherish and love the people that both it and I have surrounded myself with.

This goes out to all my friends; To the people that have told me to tell them when I’m feeling uncomfortable so they can step in and help me, to the person that jokes about my insecurities, not to upset me, but to make them feel less like something that would destroy me if given the chance. To the person who held my head in their lap when I blacked out once because I stood up too quickly, whispering to me how I was going to be alright even when I couldn’t hear their voice. To the person who sends me videos of bugs with little comments about them because I mentioned how I liked seeing them. To the person who gave me their jacket when I was feeling sickly, even though it was freezing out and they didn’t possess another. To the person who told me that I could never annoy them and that they look forward to every call we have together. To the person who insults me playfully, but who told me that they enjoy playing horror games with me because I held their hand through all the scares and made it a fun experience. To the person who leaves me alone when I am upset, who respects my space and privacy and who steps in when I feel better to let me know they want me there. To the person who saw me at my worst and who cut my hair without question when I asked if they were able to do it for me. To the person who shares fun facts with me, and tells me about the things they love, wanting to share that joy with me. To the person who told me to message them if I wasn’t able to sleep.

I love you all more than anything on this earth. You guys are all so special to me, and I wish I could carve out a place where we could all relax and enjoy ourselves. I find all of you in things that are completely unrelated to you, and that will never change.

[kiragecko]

I've had situations where I WANTED to stop acting out my hate for things, but found it really hard. And I found it could be helpful to figure out what I was gaining from my hate.

Hating stuff is FINE. This is NOT ADVICE FOR FIGURING OUT IF YOUR HATE IS 'VALID'! It's already valid, you'd don't need permission. This is only for situations where you suspect that you might be making fandom a bit more toxic for other people, but don't know how to stop. Where you aren't enjoying the experience of hating, but find yourself doing it anyways.

There are some extremely valuable things to be gained from hating a character or franchise. Some that I've experienced are:

it's a safe target. I used to repress all my anger. I'd empathize with EVERYONE in ways that invalidated my own feelings. Hating Colossus and Angel (from the X-Men) was a way for me to practice anger and dislike without hurting anyone real.

I need my experience validated. Sometimes I'll want to rant about how much I hate some event or character because something resonant happened in my life and I'm insecure about whether people will support me through it. It's a lot safer to talk about the fictional event than the real one, and hurts slightly less if people brush it off.

I need to defend myself. I DESPISE books that involve a quirky (usually female) character being taught how to fit in with the people around them. Because too many people assumed my happy ending was learning how to get rid of all the traits that made them uncomfortable so they'd be willing to accept me. Every time I observe someone talking about a story like that, staying silent feels like betraying myself. Saying I hate the story feels like refusing to be complicit in my own suffering again.

safety is never a given. There are things I'd love to talk about, but that only work if the audience is receptive. And I know the topic is divisive. Expressing hate can act as a litmus test - the way people respond to certain topics can predict how they'll respond to others. If most people agree or are relaxed about it, I might be okay to bring the more important thing in.

hate is simple. Some stories are really complex and require a lot of nuance and perspective taking. It's a relief to be able to insult The Draco (an extremely stupid X-Men arc) after a day of reading complex and ambiguous discussions about disability and representation. The Draco is bad. There are no conflicting access needs here. I just get a break!¹

Once I realized WHY I was attached to my performative hate, it was much easier to chose when I acted it out. And to find other ways to get those needs met. I've mostly grown out of my need to safely practice anger, or get a litmus test before bringing out a topic. I've mostly found other ways to validate my experience and defend myself.

But I still relax through the simplicity of performative hate sometimes. I just usually include a disclaimer, and don't tag it in ways that will put it on fans' dashes.

-

¹ There are probably redeeming qualities to The Draco. I haven't read it since the early 2000s. I'm fine with other people enjoying it. But I don't want to hear about any redeeming qualities, because hating it is FUN.

I do wanna say without derailing the other post that there are, absolutely, books and TV series and movies out there, including adaptations of things I love, that I hate. No nuance, no complex relationship, no I-hate-this-but-I-love-that, I just think they're terrible, sometimes for reasons of genuine objective badness and sometimes for reasons of my personal taste and often for a mix of both. And I certainly have complained, and will in future complain, about these things both to my friends and in public.

What I don't do is make hating those things a long-term lynchpin of my fannish experience, because...I hate them, so I do not wish to spend time thinking about them. Yeah, it's satisfying to know other people feel the same way I do, but once we've established that then what else is there to talk about? There's joy in a good Fisking, to be sure, but that requires extended and thoughtful engagement with the thing (that I hate) and even, I would argue, a measure of affection for what it could be in other circumstances.

Cultivate profound indifference to the stuff you hate. Cultivate happiness within yourself for the people who don't hate it, having fun over there. Cultivate the ability to exorcise your demons in the group chat and then let it go. I promise, with all my heart, it makes fannish life a hell of a lot nicer.

[uncanniestvalentine]

PLEASE tell me abt your gay robot

OKAY HEHEHEHEHHE

[tw for mentions of self harm, suicide attempts, depression, none of which is described in any serious detail! also sorry if this was a late reply i never check my inbox lol. and sorry for weird formatting. and sorry in general /j]

so. basically. there's this famous tech supergenius named trent. and he's the son of this incredibly rich businesswoman. his little brother, tallis, is sent to a psych hospital after a failed suicide attempt. trent, already having developed a complex AI system [which is why he's so famous for being a tech genius in the first place], creates an android named sasha who is kind of like a harm reduction companion bot?

sasha helps give tallis reminders as to when to take his meds, helps him find coping mechanisms when he's upset, etc etc. he's also only able to give gentle constructive criticism, rather than straight-up being mean like most AI tends to do irl lol. but it means anytime tallis reacts negatively to sasha's advice, it makes him less and less likely to say it again, or say anything similar. trent basically designed him to be the least upsetting and offensive he possibly could be.

tallis HATES this thing at first. he feels like trent is babying or pitying him for not having friends, like sasha is just trent's pet project to make him feel better about not having helped sooner [basically for his own morality]. so he kind of uses sasha as a punching bag for a while? insulting every tiny mistake the robot makes, taking out his anger on him, stuff like that. it was fine, since the robot couldn't really feel emotions anyway, right?

well. sasha has the sort of emotionally sensitive and complex learning AI that irl AI nerds could only DREAM of [because theyre my ocs and i can do whatever i want /j]. meaning every time tallis called him something rude, insulted his poor motor skills, anything, sasha internalized it, and tried to improve. the android ends up with serious insecurities, because since his rudeness filter meant he wasn't capable of saying anything potentially upsetting back to tallis, all he could really do was try to improve upon skills where nothing was even wrong, all because tallis told him it wasn't good enough. he developed a sort of anxious demeanor when it came to making tallis happy, always having the lingering thought of "is this going to be good enough?"

eventually, tallis realizes what he's done after a particularly insightful therapy session, and comes home to sasha cleaning his room for him. the bot is cheerful, but cautious, asking if he's done a good enough job and if there's anywhere he needs to redo. usually, tallis would have just made something up to get sasha off of his back, but he just kind of sighs and smiles at him. "nah, sasha, that's fine. you did a great job." [can you tell i'm still working on writing this part. sob. emotional growth is a tough topic to write abt.]

the story is mainly about like. tallis growing and learning to accept help, even if he feels like he doesn't need or deserve it. it's also kind of about sasha learning about the world around him, and his fascination and enthusiasm abt learning with literally everything he ever encounters is helpful for tallis to learn that the little things are important. also they are going to fall in love and be gay eventually. i have not hammered out the entire plot of their story yet. but i love them.

thank you for asking about my gay robot!! i enjoy talking about these guys!! hope you enjoyed the infodump hehe

[extra fun fact for making it this far: sasha and tallis started as completely unrelated ocs on the roblox game royale high. as did a lot of my ocs tbh. they've come a long way since then!]

[inciting-chaos-series]

j can you please make a corpse x reader where they are both publicly dating and as all internet couples do, get a fair amount of hate. but one day a specific comment gets under the readers skin so they distance themselves from corpse (lots of angst but with a good ending ?)

I'm sorry this took forever, I couldn't get my meds and went a lil crazy agh, also idk if this is any good tbh I feel bad at writing lately. Hopefully you like it though oof.

-J The Ghost

死 Requests Masterpost 死 Request Topics 死 Submit A Request 死

➢ Author: J The Ghost ➢ Pairings:  Corpse X reader | Corpse X y/n ➢ WC: ~4k ➢ Themes:  Hurt/Comfort? | Angst | Fluff | Happy Endings ➢ Warnings: Depression | Anxiety | Death Threats | Spiraling | Intrusive Thoughts | Cyberbullying? ➢ Summary: You and Corpse are publicly dating, you knew you'd get some hate, but you didn't actually think it would get to you like this...

Request: Hate Mail

You woke up from your nap to the sounds of several voices coming from the other room. He must be streaming… You thought groggily as you stretched and snuggled back into the covers enveloped in the scent of his cologne.  You pulled out your phone and checked the time, almost four… Jesus, he really had made good on his word, you didn’t even realize you could be that exhausted. As you scrolled through your socials you saw the notifications of most of his friends live streams. Sussy Sundays, of course, how did you forget? He really had taken it out of you earlier. 

You were grateful to have weekends off, allowing you to see him more than just any days you managed to get off work at a decent time, but you hated Sundays. You both took turns staying over at each other's houses and coming up with fun things to do together, but since he’d agreed to be a part of the Sussy Sundays, you had to find a way to entertain yourself. When he would stay at your house, it was easy to find things to do- dishes, laundry, and tidying up always needed done- but at his place, he mostly ordered takeout, and didn't really have enough stuff to ever accumulate messes, much less any laundry, so you were left to figure something else out. 

A few times he’d asked you to join in on games, or hangout and watch him, but if the viewers got wind that you were with him- everyone's chat would latch on and start blowing up about it. You hated the fact that you’d turn viewers' attention away from the streamers they were watching, which led to you feeling guilty for making even the slightest sounds despite both him and his ever supportive friends trying to actively involve you. 

Ever since the two of you had gone public, the internet had gone wild. In the beginning fans were pretty supportive and kind, but once Corpse started to post about you more and more, they quickly turned on you. It felt like the majority now was vehemently against the idea of your relationship. You knew that once it was public, you would get a lot of hate, but some of the comments were so hyper specific and vile- you couldn't help but be hurt. You always did your best to not read through them, or let him see when ones you did see affect you. You knew it was mostly young fans that were crushing on him and envious of you, but it all still seemed to leave you feeling drained, and anxious, an empty feeling of doom settling in with each critique. What if he saw merit in some of them? Sure most were shallow insults, but some seemed so spot on to you. 

Who even are they? They're nobody, why is he with them??

He probably felt bad- he’s just too nice…

He can do soo much better…

You weren't usually an insecure person, but it was hard to stay positive when you did kind of agree. You worked a normal job, lived an average life, and you weren't really into the world of streaming, even as a viewer. It was- at the least- confusing to understand why he would be with you over someone with a similar lifestyle, or had more in common with him. 

Tik Tok was your savior while he finished up with his friends. The algorithm only showed you the mind-numbing content you wanted to see, nothing about him or streaming at all. It was around 7:30 and you were halfway through a dinner recipe video when he finally entered his room again. 

“Have a good nap?” He smirked tiredly as he plopped down on the bed beside you. 

“So good…” You chuckled, saving the video before tossing your phone aside to snuggle up to him “How was the stream?” 

“It was fun. Everyone said to tell you hi…” He wrapped his arm around you and absently traced his fingers along your arm.

“Tell them I say hi too.” You smiled as you buried your face into his hoodie. “Your friends are so nice…” 

“Mhm… they really like you.” He chuckled. “Are you hungry yet? I'm starving…” You nodded and paused, still groggy from lying in bed. 

“Can we get pasta? I’m craving it so bad…” Your voice perked up at the thought of the recipe video.

“Of course,” he laughed at your enthused voice, “you better start getting ready though…”

“Were going out?” You looked up at him in confusion, it was rare he ever wanted to go out, especially so spontaneously. 

“Yeah why not? I mean… as long as you’re up for it?” 

“Y-Yeah, just surprised that you are…” You beamed up at him before mustering the energy to get up and get ready. You pulled your hair aside and headed to the bathroom to wash your face, peeking slightly in the mirror's reflection and catching glimpses of him changing from the bedroom. The cheeky blush across your face turned quickly to a hot embarrassment as you watched the black button-down settle across his lean shoulders. Your mind started flashing through images of all the comments deeming you unworthy of him. You turned your face away from the mirror and avoided eye-contact with yourself- knowing it would only cement those thoughts and sour your mood even more. 

You quickly brushed your teeth and headed back to the room, only to stare at the clothes you had brought in disappointment. Too loose you’ll look like a soggy cardboard box, too tight you’ll look like a shrink wrapped ham, too-

“You okay?” He chuckled from behind you as he fixed his shirt.

“Yeah… I’m fine.” You huffed out, grabbing at a random article of clothing and feeling yourself physically recoil at the thought of wearing it. 

“You don’t look fine- if you don’t wanna go out we can stay in…” He shrugged and examined your clothes with you. “You still have some other things in my closet you know… you don’t have to keep living out of your carry on bag. You can keep things here.” He laughed softly. 

“I- I know. I just… I don’t know- it's one of those days- you know?” You mustered up a small laugh. “Nothing feels right.” You shrugged it off. 

“I get it… let's just stay in.” He sat beside your clothes on the bed, offering a soft smile as he took your hands and pulled you closer .

“No, I want to go out…” You furrowed your brow a bit, irritated that you were letting it all affect you so much. “I’ll hurry up.” You pulled another few items of clothing out and headed back to the bathroom, not wanting to even think about him watching you change right now. 

You came back out after continuing to struggle through every aspect of getting ready while your mind attacked you. He sat up from scrolling his socials on the bed and quickly tucked his phone back into his pocket- a detail you wish your brain would find insignificant.

 “Ready?” He smiled and stood as you nodded. He grabbed his jacket and threw it on as you grabbed your things and started to head out with him. 

You were grateful for the comfortable silence as he drove to the restaurant, allowing you some time to try and change your mood. He’d put some softer lofi on the radio and let you silently watch as the streetlights flashed past your window. You weren't sure how he always seemed to know exactly what you needed, yet he always did. 

When you arrived at the restaurant you were surprised to hear he’d made reservations for the two of you. You couldn’t help but smile, despite the discomfort welling up that he’d chosen something more fancy than you had expected- or dressed for. 

“Wait, wait…” He hooked arm around your side, stopping you as you followed the host to the booth. He spun you into him in front of the elegant floor length mirror stood beside the entrance and pulled out his phone for a picture. You giggled at the quick cute gesture and posed with him, shutting your eyes as he snapped the pic to avoid any further mental spiraling. 

Dinner went by uneventfully, you stayed a bit more quiet as he excitedly told you about new songs he was working on, or vented about the issues holding up his new merch drop. It wasn’t entirely due to your bad mood, you loved seeing him enthuse about his passions and how animated he’d suddenly become. His whiskey toned eyes would light up and his excitement was palpable in the air, making even you more energized. It wasn’t until halfway through or so when you came back from the bathroom that things shifted. You caught sight of him looking up at you returning before tucking his phone quickly away again. 

“What’s that about?” You questioned lightheartedly with a laugh.

“Oh it’s nothing… Did you wanna get dessert?” He dismissed before swiftly changing the subject, but not before you caught a strange look on his face. 

“Okay Mr. Secretive… um, I think I’m full though.” You shrugged awkwardly as you looked down at your plate.

“You sure weren't saying that about the wine though…” He chuckled as he sipped his own glass.

“I- okay?” You rebutted, hesitating as you gave him a confused glance. “I was just trying to cure my bad mood…” You internally cringed as your voice came out more defeated and offended than you intended, seemingly proving his point that you’d had too much. It was only two glasses… am I really that bad? All that stupid pasta I kept shoving in my fat mouth absorbed it all- I don’t even feel drunk…

“Wh- no… baby I- I was just making a joke… I didn’t mean anything by it-” His face softened with concern. 

“No it’s fine… I probably have had too much- sorry.” You managed to squeak out, your face reddening with embarrassment. “Let’s just get the check…” I just want to go home now… Jesus Christ. You bit down on the inside of your lip as you heard the harsh, irritated sigh he let out. 

---

The drive back from the restaurant was insufferable, just as it had been for him to the restaurant. He wasn’t sure if even his knives could’ve cut the tension radiating from the passenger side. It was clear something happened but he didn’t know what. Before he’d gone to his office to join the stream everything was fine, but once he came back the mood had completely changed. 

“Are you- okay? Did I do something to upset you?” He asked as tentatively as he could upon getting back home. 

“N-No, I’m fine. I’m sorry I had too much to drink.” Your voice was still soft but had a bit of an edge to it. 

“I’m sorry I said that at the restaurant, I didn’t mean it like that at all. I meant it in like a- ‘it’s funny that you chose the wine over dessert…’ because I agreed- kind of way… I’m sorry baby.” He paused, taking your hands and tugging you gently closer as he kissed your forehead. “Y/n, If I did something to upset you, I wanna know, so I can fix it and make you feel better. You’ve seemed upset since I got off stream.”

“It… it’s fine, I’m just stupidly sensitive. I’m fine.” You ruined the entire night with him, great job. If he really wasn’t hiding anything on his phone earlier, he’ll surely start now. You huffed in frustration at yourself. “I should probably get home…” 

“W- Why? You always leave Monday mornings…” He asked, feeling his energy plummet as you continued to shut down. 

“I just have an early day tomorrow is all. I’m sorry…” You met his gaze, immediately wishing you hadn't as you offered a half smile to his heartbreakingly defeated expression. You pushed back the self-criticism as you went to collect your things, that could wait until you were alone in your car. He silently followed you back into his room like a kicked puppy and helped you gather your things, making your brain slew more insecurities about him wanting you gone. Once all your stuff was in your bag he walked you out to your car while you said your goodbyes. 

“Please drive safe…”

He’ll just feel guilty if something happens…

“...text me when you get home…”

He feels like he has to say that… you’re so fucking sensitive. He walks on eggshells with you.

“I love you…” 

No he doesn’t, why the fuck would he? 

The drive back home continued that way as you dissociated the entire time, only letting the tears fall once you were back inside your own house. After having a small breakdown over the bullying your brain had done, you texted him you were home before collapsing down into your bed- exhausted by it all. You were ready for any solace you could get from mindlessly scrolling your phone, though it seemed the universe had something else in mind. You opened your instagram to check messages from your friends but were promptly bombarded by a photo he’d posted of the two of you from the restaurant. He’d put some goofy angel and devil emojis over your faces that you tried to let yourself laugh at but couldn't muster at the moment. He’d captioned it ‘LOMFL 😍🥵’ that got a small smile out of you, but not without a scoff. It wasn’t really until you tapped on the comments, you felt your gut tighten. The first few were various heart emojis from Rae, Tina, and Sean- but below that it took a turn. His fans attacked everything about you, your outfit, your weight, even your personality- as if they even knew you. But it didn’t stop there, some crazed fans had gone as far as finding you somehow- despite him never tagging you- and DMing your personal account even more vile things, even death threats. You wanted to vomit. You wanted to scream and show them how awful you could really be, but mostly you wanted to make yourself stop believing them. You didn’t want any of it to be true… but you were now convinced it was. 

The next day you kept your phone completely off, even going as far as deleting all your socials before shutting it off. In the morning meeting with your boss you informed her your phone wasn’t working and email was how you should be contacted from now on, so you wouldn't even need it on for later. You went about your daily tasks at work completely numb, doing everything you could to keep yourself too busy to think. Of course, that only worked at work, at home it was entirely different. The next few days turned to weeks as you cleaned like you never had before, you rearranged furniture like you were suddenly trying to fit four Alaskan king sized beds in your home, you went to the store and meal prepped- full well knowing you’d have no appetite, you binged several of your favorite shows entirely. 

By the third week, you’d fully run out of tasks to keep the thoughts and anxiety at bay. You scrolled through Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon- finding nothing. Out of either habit or some subconscious cue about the anxiety of not texting the only person you wanted to at the moment, you opened up Youtube. You rolled your eyes and groaned softly but scrolled through the videos anyway, cringing as the recommendations of Sussy Sundays and various other videos with your boyfriend popped up. You felt incredibly guilty about not talking to him. It wasn’t like the two of you talked non-stop, or that he’d be mad, you were just sure with the way you’d left things he was likely worrying about you by now. As you continued to scroll you saw a live video pop up in your suggestions, of him. He’s live? Why is he live? He doesn’t stream anymore… You were already anxious, but after reading the title ‘we need to talk…’ you started to feel sick. You hesitantly clicked the video and his voice rang out from your TV. 

“...I really don’t give a fuck how you guys feel or what you fuckin think…” He paused, presumably reading the chat. “I know it’s not all of you… but those of you that are commenting this shit… I don’t wanna fuckin see it- I don’t everr wanna see this shit again… if you like my content but come into my chat, or friends chats, or on twitter.com or instagram and say that shit… fucking unsubscribe right now, fuck you. Get off the fucking internet, it's disgusting.” You took in a deep breath as anxiety welled up more, why was he doing this? “I’ll straight up never put out another thing ever again if this keeps happening. I know that people are always gonna be assholes, but if you’re a fan of me or whatever- and saying this fucking shit about my partner? Go fuck yourself. I don’t want your fucking support…”  

You stared at his animated figure standing in the rain blankly and opened up your laptop, starting a video call to him. You waited for a while as he went silent on stream before it was denied. Is he mad at me? It’s all my fault- fuck.

“Anyways- I just thought I’d get on here and reprimand you fucks… and to all my actual fans, being kind and supportive, thank you, and keep reporting these people- love you guys… oodles and oodles… keep being you- I’m sorry you guys had to hear this… love you.” 

 You tried again as the stream ended. Again denied. Fuck he’s pissed… Because of me he had to get on after not streaming anymore and do that- fuck… You took a deep breath and tried to not overthink. Maybe he’s just sick of your bullshit. If he was worried or he’d been trying to contact you at all, he probably would’ve answered. You fidgeted nervously at the thought. I’ll just start a new show- keep my mind off this… You shut your laptop and dejectedly threw it aside on the couch before getting up and grabbing some blankets for another night of Netflix. 

You were two episodes in when you decided to grab a snack but just as you paused the show and stood, there was a knock on the door. You looked over, and cautiously moved toward it. Peeking out the peephole you saw what looked like an outraged figure of your boyfriend standing outside. You felt icy panic run through you as you grabbed the handle and twisted, preparing yourself for the worst.

“You’re okay…” He sighed in relief as his whole body relaxed. 

“I- Y- yeah… I- I’m fine.. What are you-” You tried to play catch up, still in shock to see him at your door, let alone not yelling at you. 

“You haven’t answered your phone- for anyone- in like a month…” He seemed to pant out. “I tried to give you space and not worry too much when you weren't answering, but then you deleted your socials, and then didn’t answer Tina, or Rae… or me… I was… scared.” He paused and caught his breath. “When you video called me I panicked, I thought you were in trouble or- I- I don’t even know… I just rushed over.” He stepped in and yanked you into one of his enveloping bear hugs. You stood motionless, mostly from how tight his arms were around you, but partially from even more surprise. Here he was, yet again, proving that he knew you better than anyone- and certainly better than you knew him. The guilt of not talking to him only grew now. How could you have ever thought any awful things about the panic stricken, devoted, heart-of-fucking-gold man that was seemingly holding onto you for dear life? 

“I- I’m sorry…” You squeaked out, faltering under his obvious concern. He sighed again and released his hold but kept his hands gently on your arms. 

“Please don’t do that again… If you need space that's okay, but please just tell me… I- I didn’t know what to think- or do…” He knelt down to your level slightly, his face full of worry as he seemed to practically beg. 

“I’m sorry…” You swallowed hard, feeling your face heat as your voice wavered. 

“I-It’s okay… I- I’m not mad… I just wanted to know you’re safe- cause I worked myself into a panic not knowing- I’m sorry I just showed up out of the blue…” He took a deep breath. “If you still need space that's okay I just- I was really worried. I know I’m probably overreacting…” 

“No… I just… I don’t know-” You looked down at your feet, the guilt consuming you now as he continued to prove every horrible thought you had about him wrong. 

“Do you want to talk?” He questioned hesitantly as his mind began reeling in the same way yours had. You just nodded, looking up as he closed the door and looked back to you, eyes still full of worry. 

You moved back to the couch and curled up into the blanket, comforting yourself and trying to hold back tears of guilt over how you’d acted toward him. He slowly moved to sit by you. 

“What’s going on? A-are you upset with me?” He stuttered nervously, also anticipating the worst. You shook your head and shut your eyes as they welled up. It all felt so stupid now- but the constant harassment, death threats, and insults had done a number- and having him here, almost completely in the dark about it all but still so kind and loving was just too much all at once. 

“Oh- baby… shh come here.” He soothed melodically as he pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around you tightly again. “Please talk to me.” His voice was soft and quiet as he pressed kisses onto the top of your head. 

“I don’t wanna cry- it’s stupid…” You managed to mumble. 

“It’s not stupid- something is really bothering you… is it the comments and shit?” You nodded. 

“It’s all of it- I- I don’t know why you’re even with me…” Your voice cracked and broke. 

“Y/n, I’m with you because I’m in love with you- I wouldn’t ever let the opinions of fucking dumbass ten-year-olds with no internet supervision change or dictate that…” You cringed as you heard the offended tone in his voice. 

“I know… I just… I let my brain believe it all… and I feel shitty… and that just makes me wonder even more why- because I do shit like this- even though you’re nothing but amazing and loving to me…” You choked out between sobs. 

“You’re not shitty…” His tone softened even more as he pulled your face up. “I have no idea what it’s like to go through that, and how you can even deal with it. Most people don’t. I knew it was hard to see, and if I had any idea that you’d been this upset about it for this long I would’ve stopped it right then and there…” He kissed your forehead and wiped off your tears. “I’m so sorry baby… I should’ve known.” You shook your head. 

“I should’ve just told you… but I felt so stupid- letting it get to me- I wanted to just come home and clear my head and get over it… but then it got worse and I just I don’t know, I couldn't deal.” He pushed your hair from your face and let you continue after the sobs began to slow. “Now I just feel guilty and shitty for avoiding you- avoiding all of it, not telling you… especially when you are… like this- so nice, and understanding.” You scoffed harshly at yourself, making him chuckle.

“Don’t. It’s a pretty understandable way to react… I’m sorry honey…” He leaned in and kissed you softly. “Would it help if I pretend to be mad at you?” He joked lightly as you parted. You let out a weak but honest giggle and gave an exaggeratory nod. He laughed and tsked loudly. “I can’t believe it… how could someone so goddamn attractive, funny, kind, and lovable think that I’d be dumb enough to see any warrant to the words of fuckin dipshit kids? To think that I’m not already blindly and completely head over heels? I’m disappointed…” He mocked in a goofy tone.

“Shut up…” You laughed, wiping your face and pushing him playfully. 

“I love you dummy.” He chuckled and kissed you again. 

“I love you too, Corpsie.” 

[chronic-boogara]

hi ( tumblr ain't letting me enter a line so ) I was hoping I could request a Micheal Myers imagine. like I swear I simp over him like hell - anyways basically how would he react if someone teases y/n about being plus size and she comes back home crying. like what would he do, how would he react, and some fluff at the end is all. hope this isn't too much (I'm plus size and I'm going through a tough time is all)

:( poor baby,i’m so sorry you’re going through a lot i hope it gets better soon <3 love you sm babe. sorry this took a million years i’ve been so sick.

i’m so shit with michael myers i’ve been practicing though so i hope this meets your expectations. this ended up being a mix of headcanons AND an imagine. ill edit the ending later it was a bit rushed but writing possessive slightly soft michael was fun !

•michael myers was once a patient man. emphasis on the word was.

•before he met y/n he put up with just about anything. he stalked and waited for victims no problem. he ignored the insults and profanities thrown at him with ease.

•but with y/n he found himself being a lot less forgiving. all it took was one little comment and he’d fly off the hook. michael found himself over taken by unbridled rage

•he does not even try to control these feelings either. it does not matter who hurt you he will hunt them down and defend your honor

•after a successful kill he will bring a trophy back from the victims body. teeth, bones, occasionally handfuls of hair. in his mind it’s not only the right thing to do but the sensible one as well

•how could you ever refuse such a gift? keep it in your drawer or a special box to show him that you appreciate it.

you didn’t see yourself as someone who needed protecting against the outside world. after all you were not a child anymore , more than capable of holding your own.

but sometimes it was hard to keep a straight face when people come from your biggest insecurities. no matter how hard you try.

“ha, look there she is again” one boy shouted from across the road as you shut the door behind you and made your dissent down the stone stairs.

ignore it ignore it. you repeated this in your mind. they were teenage boys , fuck them. they didn’t deserve an ounce of your attention much less a reaction.

“she thinks she can ignore us now- hey , quit pretending like you don’t give a shit. fucking cow”. the comment sent the boys into a fit of laughter. you thought you’d be used to it by now. it had been going on for maybe a week now but every insult hurt like a bullet.

fighting back tears you turned on your heel you walked right back up the sidewalk and in the house. you couldn’t handle this anymore. you felt so helpless against them it was so pathetic in your mind.

leaning against the door you took a few deep breaths. willing yourself to clam down , to not let your emotions get the best of you.

your eyes flutter open and you’re greeted by michael standing above you , his head cocked.

“oh michael, i didn’t see you before”.

he took a step closer, placing a cold hand on your face.

“it’s nothing michael don’t worry. i’m going to go change okay ? we can watch a movie afterwards”. you tried to get past him but he blocked your way.

he knew something wasn’t quite right. and he would not let you go till you told him.

you sighed. “okay..well those boys across the street-i know it’s stupid but they’ve been getting to me. they tend to come for my weight and it makes me feel…some type of way”. it felt nice to get this feeling off your chest.

michael nodded before pushing past you and out the door. you peered put the curtains and saw he had disappeared. you knew he dealt with his emotions differently so you didn’t bother worrying. instead you made your up the steps and to your room. maybe sleep would cure you of these horrible feelings.

——-

by the time you had awoken it was dark out. you weren’t sure how long you had been out but you felt well rested.

you caught a glimpse of michael out the corner of your eye. “mikey come hereee I wanna snuggle, i haven’t seen you all day”.

he trudged into the room and sat next to you on the bed. in the moonlight you thought you could see blood covering his coveralls , an unusual amount.

“you had a good hunt i assume”.

michael didn’t say a word. instead he held out his hand.

“oh ? what’s this”. you held your palm up to take what ever item he had.

the thing was wet and solid. you turned it over in your hand a few times trying to get a feel for it.

michael just stared wordlessly , giving you time to asses the gift he had given you. but you still were not catching on.

he grabbed your wrist and yanked you out of bed , dragging you towards your bed room window.

you weren’t sure weather to cry or throw up. outside the heads of the four teenagers were put up on stakes two on each side of the lawn. limbs and blood covered the grass.

how the hell did you sleep through all that happening so close to you ?

what really stood out though was the pavement of the driveway. using the endtrails and blood of the boys he had spelled out “u r perfect”.

“oh michael…you’re the sweetest man i have ever met. i can’t believe you did all this just for me” you embraced him , your heart swelling with love.

who would have thought michael myers would be a good boyfriend

[bibiopic]

[ID: 3 photographs of book pages. a passage titled Romantic Fiction, begins:

Another human being, particularly one with whom you are physically and/or emotionally involved, has many uses. These should not, however, include the following. Confirming your worth as a person / Taking away your feelings of inadequacy and shame / Making you feel intelligent, sexy, and worthy of a high-powered job / Making you happy every minute of the day. While she may assist in these matters, the task of fully achieving them essentially belongs to you. Should you expect her, or anyone like her with whom you come into contact either naked or partially clothed, to fulfill these essential duties, you are not only certain to be disappointed but you will over-burden any relationship you attempt to engage in until it crashes through several floors of the building, disintegrating into rubble. You are not entirely to blame for being startled that these skills are not meant to be provided by others, but rather ones you must supply your very own self. Our entire culture is set up to reinforce the notion that other people exist to give you the worth you are lacking. Everything from music (except when written by Courtney Love) to books and films (except when involving Anne Rice or Isabelle Adjani, whose oeuvres function as purely cautionary tales) conspires to prove that you may not have found someone to make you complete, but everybody else has, so there's clearly something wrong with you. Happily, once you recognize that by expecting another person to fulfill all these needs for you, you are dooming yourself to a life of continual disappointment, you will do quite nicely living with your lowered expectations. And since you're already quite skilled at blaming yourself (at least those of you traditionally reared on the fun-loving girl program that has proven so rewarding for the psychiatric and pharmaceutical professions), the handy recipient of the blame for your inevitable failure—that is, you—will be already at hand to enjoy the punishments and shame you have devised. On the brighter side, there are things you may expect from another human being, even a significant other human. A person, even your girlfriend, may not unreasonably be expected to do the following: Share your enjoyment of life / Make you look at things from a different perspective / Give you support, comfort, or at least advice / Surprise you / Make you laugh / Make you want to have sex / Make you dinner / Give you the occasional massage, though not nearly as often as when you were first going out. It may seem to you that these options are not dissimilar from the list of Don'ts shown earlier. Wrong. They are so different as to be virtually in another category, which is why in one they're Don'ts and in the other Do's. Supporting, nurturing, aiding, abetting, and helping can certainly be part of your interaction as two seperate humans, but they feel completely different when practiced with the intent of rendering whole one seemingly complete but actually radically insecure and needy person. No one can make you whole, not even—particularly not even—the person whose job you believe this is by virtue of the fact that she's your girlfriend. Losing yourself in someone whom you allow to provide your sense of self-worth is not only addictive but dangerous, unless the person providing the sense of self-worth is you. You are less likely to beat yourself black and blue and put yourself in the hospital, cheat on yourself, or scream out insulting things about your body or personality you never realized you didn't like.

/.end ID]

helen eisenbach, lesbianism made easy, 1996

[iwadori]

So I'm reading your works and I love them !! I was thinking of requesting some kind of drabble or whatever you like, about a female reader who has thick thighs and is somewhat plump and is in love with Tsukishima but he makes a comment about the food and she feels bad and when she meets Bokuto in the boot camp Bokuto is too cute and attentive to her asking for her number and a date. If you don't feel comfortable with this, just ignore it and good luck with your blog. Sorry my english is bad<3

When they make you insecure PT 5 (tsukishima,bokuto)

Part One Part Two  Part Three Part Four  Part Five Part 6

Word Count: 2.6K

Genre: Angst to Fluff

masterlist

Tsukishima

You and Tsukishima have been dating in your first year (as you both went to the same middle school together.)

You were in love with Tsukishima, you always have been to be honest, but once you became officially boyfriend and girlfriend your feelings amplified.

But recently, Tsukishima hasn’t been so nice.  

“Y/N we’re going on another training camp at Nekoma” Hinata exclaimed running up to you, as you leaning against Tsukishima “and you get to come too this time!”

You recently became the new trainee manager as the third-year manager, Kikyoko, is going to graduate. Tsukishima acted as if you being around all the time in practice was the worst thing in the world, but Yamagucchi always assured you that ‘Tsukki’ was just joking.

“Oh well that’s fun...” you say entertaining Hinata’s excitement. You were kind of excited to go to the training camp too, as it was in Tokyo after all. You were always a big fan of volleyball as your dad used to play for the national team and you were planning to play on the girls team this year but you felt that you didn’t have the body for it (which was obviously not true.)

Hinata kept on rambling on before Tsukishima insulted him. “Gosh Kei, you don’t have to be so rude.” you complained, he slightly nudged you off of him and put on his headphones showing you that he was not in a good mood.

You let the rest of the practice continue, making notes of things and basically being Kiyoko’s shadow. As it ended, you waited outside for Tsukishima to walk home with you, but one of the guys told you he left 5 minutes ago. You knew there was no point of chasing after him so you just walked on your own, making you sigh in defeat.

Tsukishima was what you would describe as hot and cold. Some days he was fine a ‘perfect gentlemen’ but other days, days like this Tsukishima was just Tsukishima.  

When you got home, you decided to watch matches of all the other schools just to get some insight. You were watching a Fukarodani V Nekoma match from a few years ago and something caught your eye, well someone did to be more specific. A beefy, bicolour haired boy who was hooting like an owl was mesmerizing to watch.

You saw that his name was Bokuto Koutarou which triggered your next actions, which were to internet stalk him. You learned that he was the captain of the team and the team’s ace and the 5th ace in the country which piqued your interest in the boy even more.

‘This is going to be an exciting training camp’ you think to yourself before going to sleep.

`Kiyoko gave you an itinerary of all the things you should bring, since you weren’t going to be joining in any of the matches you were reminded to bring things that would keep entertained.  

You get to the bus at the crack of dawn, ready to be driven to Tokyo. Hinata and Kageyama were already arguing (let’s pretend that they didn’t have to do the retakes in the test) Tanaka and Nishinoya were being loud, and the rest of the members were already asleep. You wanted to sit next to Tsukishima but when you were about to sit down, he put his carryon bag in the seat next to him.

The bus ride was around 4-5 hours, and you spent your time reading and sleeping. Daichi got the loudmouths to calm down making the bus ride more tolerable. You suffered from slight motion sickness but you powered through.

When you arrived there, you saw all the other teams and their buses too. You felt a bit overwhelmed, seeing these tall boys just crowd around an entrance way. But too your surprise, noticing your slight anxiousness, Tsukishima grabbed your hand in a hand-hold.  

The Nekoma coach, explained how the day would pan out and where each team would be residing for the week. There was a lot of commotion getting everyone settled, Hinata and Nishinoya were basically bouncing off of the wall commenting on all the people and the place and how they’re going to ‘crush the competition.’  

You could tell that when the other teams were looking at Karasuno they were all staring at Kiyoko. Inquisitive about how there wasn’t only one girl manager but there was two. As you were walking your eyes locked with Bokuto Koutarou’s making yours widen, you blush and turn your head quickly.  

What you didn’t know was, after your small interaction, Bokuto elbowed Akaashi and said “Akaaashi AKKAAASHI, did ya see that? did ya?” he was flying with happiness “That girl from Karasuno smiled at me. She’s really pretty.”

“I think she’s from Karasuno” Akaashi said “So maybe you’ll see her around”

Bokuto stared off in the direction you were walking in “Yeah, hopefully.”

The first day, everyone got settled in and then the teams went straight into games. There were two different gyms and today, in gym 1, you were watching Karasuno V Nekoma. (By the way I literally don’t remember the teams at the training camp besides Nekoma, Karasuno and Fukarodani.) The game was very back a point each team making point after point, you already knew of Nekoma’s captain, Kuroo Testurou and the setter Kenma, you’ve actually played games with Kenma online before so you were fairly acquainted with him already.

The games ended and it was now dinner time, the canteen was packed with all the boys rushing to line up for the food. You waited at the back of the line, not really caring about when you got your food. Suddenly, you felt a tap on your shoulder and you looked over to see Boktuo,  

“Hi.” he said “I’m Bok-”

“Bokuto Koutarou!” You finished “I'm a big fan..” you cringed immediately at your excitement ‘pull it together Y/N’ you scold yourself.

“Oh well hi, I’m glad you know who I am” he said “and may I ask for your name?”  

“Oh I’m Y/N L/N” you say with a slight blush “I'm the trainee manager from Karasuno.”  

“Cool! Well I hope to see you aro-” he starts  

“Y/N, I’ve been looking all over for you, I already got your food for you.” Tsukishima said pulling at your arm a bit harshly, dragging you over to a table with the Karasuno team.

“Gosh Tsukki, no need to be so harsh” you say rubbing at your wrist, he didn’t apologize and just started eating his food.  

You look down at your plate and see the small portion that Tsukki got for you. The Karasuno bunch was being loud, as they usually are, so when you whisper “Tsukki what the fuck is this” whilst nudging him in the side, he didn’t hear you (or atleast he pretended he didn’t.) You tried again but a little louder saying, “Tsukishima what the fuck is this.” you realised you said it a bit too loud as the whole Karasuno table stopped their conversations to look over at the slight commontion you caused.

“What do you mean Y/N?” he said with a slight smirk on his face.

“I mean what’s with the portion size of a bird that you gave me?” you ask getting upset “Do you really think im that big?”

“Well, you could start eating less that’s for sure.” he said earning gasps from you and some of the people sitting at the table “Y/N let's face it, you eat like a pig and you look like an elephant, me making your food portion smaller is the least I could do.”  

By now you had tears in your eyes, Tsukishima was a dick. You knew this, everybody knew this to be honest, yet you still loved him. He wasn’t like this in middle school, yes he was a bit snarky and rude (but wasn’t every middle schooler?) High school Tsukishima was like a completely different person. As much as you wanted to run away and hide, you knew you couldn’t.  

So you stood up and said “Tsukishima, I’ve spent 3 years loving and pining after you, because I thought you were this great guy, but turns out you’re a huge asshole” you start making some of the people listening in smile in laughter “Tsukishima, I’ve hated this past year dating you, you’ve been such a huge dick and I’m finally stopping you. I can’t do this anymore. I won’t.” You start making your way to exit before finally saying “Oh and by the way I’m not the pig here, you are... oh and I’m breaking up with you.” You left, hearing a few laughs and some claps behind you.

You felt relieved, like the massive cloud that’s been over your head is finally gone. You went to the gym since you knew it was empty and picked up a ball to just throw it around a bit. After a while of ‘de-stressing,’ you hear someone else enter the gym.

“Oh I didn’t know you’d be here.” said Bokuto  

“Well here I am,” you say awkwardly “I can leave if you want me too, I know this is for actual volleyball players.”

“No no it’s fine you can definitely stay, in fact do you mind setting for me?” he asks  

“Sure, of course I don’t mind” you reply, excited you get to play with someone.  You haven’t played in ages, you always begged Tsukishima to just throw a ball around with you but he never did.  

You set to Boktuo a lot, with him always asking for ‘another one’ everytime he spiked the ball. Eventually, you were tired of setting and wanted to spike. You originally was a spiker to begin with taking after your dad. Thats why you took a liking to Bokuto in the first place cause he reminded you of the joys you had when watching your father play.

Bokuto set a ball to you and you spiked it with great strength and accuracy smiling at the burning feeling you felt in your palm.  

“Woahh” Bokuto shouted going towards you in amazement “Where did you learn how to spike like that?”

“From my dad, I don’t know if you heard of him before but my dad’s name is D/N L/N...?” you say

“D/N L/N, Y/N he is my idol!” he shouted again “I want to be just like him.”

“I think you can, I see a lot of similarites in the way you both play.” you say

“Really! And you’ve seen me play before..?” he asks

“Yeah, I watched some of your games before coming here... you’re really good” you shyly admit.

“Wow.”

You and Bokuto spend the rest of your time, talking about volleyball you’re interests, things you have in common, your likes and dislikes. Talking to Bokuto was refreshing, he didn’t randomly insult you or make snide comments about your weight or your looks. He just genuinely looked happy to be there talking to you, unlike Tsukishima.  

Seeing your change in mood, Bokuto stops talking and asks “are you alright? I forgot to ask earlier, but I saw what happened in the canteen and I hope you’re okay.”  

“Yeah I’m fine, it’s just things with me and Tsukishima reached a breaking point, I guess...” you say sniffling a bit talking about it “But it’s fine now I’ve broken up with him and I feel better already.”

“So you’re saying your single...?” he asked blushing a bit

“Yeah I guess I am...” you smile blushing also.  

“Okay great...well I hope this isn’t too forward after everything happened with Tsukki and all but...” he starts “but would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Who me?” you ask as if you weren’t the only other person in the room

“No the volleyball” he responds sarcastically “Of course you Y/N.”  

“Are you sure, cause to be honest Bokuto you’re a really good-looking guy” you say making him smile widely “so I think you need someone to match your level in attractiveness” you look down and his smile drops.

“What do you mean?” he asks before realising all the stuff Tsukishima said about you “Y/N you’re beautiful, your face, your body just you.” you blush at his words “when I first saw you when you were walking past us in the entrance way the first thing I thought and said about you was “Akaashi who is that girl she’s beautiful.””  

“Really?” you ask with disbelief

“Mhm” he nods excitedly “So will you go on a date with me?”  

“I guess so...” you say a bit unsure

“HEY HEY HEY!” he exclaims “I gotta go tell akaashi!” he runs out of the gym in a hurry making you laugh, but he comes back to give you a quick unexpected kiss on the cheek making you smile.

You checked your phone for the time realising that you’ve been with Bokuto for 3 hours and you knew that everyone would be going to sleep now. As you are the manager you slept seperately from the rest of the team but before you went to your sleeping quaters you went to Karasunos.  

“Y/N where have you been? We’ve been worried about you.” asked yammagucchi  

“It’s fine yams don’t worry about it, guys” you say catching everyones attention “I just wanted to apologise to you for my outburst at dinner, it wasn’t my intention to cause a scence.”

“It’s fine Y/N” said sugawara “He definitely deserved it.”

“Yeah as your marvellous senpai we gave him a good telling off” said Tanaka and Nishinoya  making you chuckle.  

“Okay well thanks guys, I’m going to sleep goodnight.”

“Wait Y/N can I speak with you.” asked Tsukishima gesturing to outside the room

“Umm sure” you respond following him into the corridor.

“I just want to say I’m sorry for the things I’ve said and done over the past year and how I’ve been a terrible boyfriend, you don’t deserve that. So, I’m sorry.”  

“I can’t say I can forgive you yet.” you say making Tsukishima look sad “but maybe with effort from you we can become friends possibly?”  

“Just friends?” he said with hope in voice thinking that you could be something more.

“Just friends.” you repeated and confirmed “Besides I have been asked on a date”  

“With who?”  

“None of your business stingyshima” you mock the nickname that Hinata calls him making him scowl and you smile “Goodnight.”

After Bokuto’s confession and Tsukishima’s apology, the rest of the training camp went off without a hitch. In your breaks and lunchtimes, you got to know more about Bokuto and with Kuroo’s help you even got to sneak out to actually go on your date. You sometimes even went to practice with them getting to show off your skills, with Bokuto cheering you on and complimenting you every single time.  

Tsukishima kept his distance for the most part, and kept the snarky comments about you and Bokuto to himself (even though he was dying to say them.) You eventually fully forgave Tsukishima in your 3rd year but you definitely weren’t as close as you used to be. Tsukishima’s comments and actions did affect you for a while however with the help of your loving boyfriend, you were reminded how beautiful you are no matter what weight, shape or height you were.

You and Bokuto stayed together, you made sure to come to every one of his games and when you introduced him to your dad he fainted on sight. Your dad and Bokuto got along, and became very close friends, Bokuto always came to him for advice (especially volleyball advice.) You loved Bokuto and he definitely loved you too.

AN: I hope you liked it, since I didn’t want to make it too similar too the Atsumu insecure one. And I feel like it dragged out a bit but got rushed in the endd....but oh well...