#something I did not have space to write:
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I made a bunch of mutual aid zines this summer and still can't get my folds straight, but here's my contribution to the September podcast zine fest! Image text under the cut.
Page 1: Wolf 359 + Terrible Space Facts
Page 2: Space is terrible. No one should go there. Here are just a few ways the reality of floating alone in the middle of nowhere is even worse than described for the crew of the Hephaestus station.
Page 3: "I'm going to drown? In outer space? What kind of sense does that even make?"
Not just a wacky podcast plot! Italian Luca Parmitano almost drowned on a space walk in 2013 due to a fan pump malfunction.
Page 4: "And that's how you [BLEEP] in space."
0g bathroom breaks aren't easy and luckily (?) NASA loves training. On Earth, astronauts practice on a toilet with a camera in the bowl so they can watch themselves from an... unconventional angle.
Page 5: "Doctor Selberg took the cast off today. Looks like my arm's healing well."
0g is worse on bones than osteoporosis. Chances are Lovelace's arm never healed right, which may have contributed to her use of pain pills.
Page 6: "We're getting hit by another wave of radiation."
The atmosphere protects us from cosmic radiation, but less so as it gets thinner. Astronauts (and flight attendants!) are considered radiation workers. Several ISS astronauts have developed skin cancer.
Page 7: "I did mention the 'so you don't get poisoned' aspect, right?"
In cases of ammonia exposure, astronauts are instructed to remove all (potentially contaminated) clothing before moving to a safe area. A potential other reason everyone is cranky in "Constructive Criticism".
Page 8: Want more #terrible space facts? Visit www.clonerightsagenda.tumblr.com/tagged/terrible space facts for my full collection.
#fiction podcast zine event#fiction podcast zine festival#wolf 359#terrible space facts#something I did not have space to write:#I bet minkowski tried for a good grade on the space toilet something that is reasonable to want and possible to achieve
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Danny often felt tired, as of late.
He wasn't certain as to why he did, though. It happened after his, apparent, coronation as the Prince of the Infinite Realms and after finally getting a boyfriend out of that damsel in distress who made him into one.
Which was unfortunate, because though he may try, it was very hard to pay attention on dates when Danny felt he just came from using the Ecto-Skeleton and no amount of sleep would make it go away. Fortunately, however, Billy was very understanding and accommodating of his plight, letting him sleep on him whenever he wanted and having their dates be less mentally/physically demanding things.
Man, Danny loved his boyfriend.
Unfortunately, he was away on one of his Justice League mission things.
Another thing he noticed, is that he liked to sleep in more cold places now. Very, very cold places.
So much so, that he genuinely debated moving to the Far Frozen if not for his parents turning his room into a literal walk-in freezer for him.
Did he ever find out why he needs to sleep so much? No, not really. But man.
Danny could go down for a nap right now.
---
Pariah was having a good, very good day.
He woke up, stretched, ate some food he didn't actually need to, did some light exercises after aeons of not using his sword and just fighting in general and sat down for some tea.
Even had a letter from the Master of Time with a P.S that two humans would be busting down his door!
Wait what-
"Ghost King!" Came the rather loud, effeminate shout accompanying the loud slam of his castle doors. "Where is our son!"
Honestly, Pariah is impressed by the lungs on that human.
"You heard her!" He looked down calmly at the... Actually, what in the infinite is that? Since when did humans go walking around with cannons??? "Tell us where our son is our so help me! Ghost King or not we'll exorcise you right where you stand!"
Pariah blinked slowly, very, very slowly.
Then took a sip of his favorite ghost blend then calmly placed the cup back down.
"You must be the boy's, human, parents I presume?" He asked calmly, gaze sweeping over them both. They seemed to be prepared for war, a burning fire in their eyes as they stared down the very King of Infinity and saw only an obstacle.
Oooooh, how that made the part of him that longed, sung for battle purr in sheer delight.
"Why don't you join me for tea?" He said, waving a hand and conjuring forth two extra, human sized, chairs on the opposing end of his table alongside two more tea cups. "And explain whatever is going on, while you're at it."
The two shared a glance between each other, then slowly lowered their weapons down to a point where they could still draw them at a moment's notice, yet not actively antagonizing the king at the same time-
Oh, he just loves these types of mortals.
-before slowly making their way to their seats, which were right next to each other of course. Married and whatnot.
"Tea?" He flicked a finger, filling their cups with the same that was in his cup but before remembering. "Ah, right. Human and your mortality." He casually mentioned, flicking his finger and changing the liquid to one of the few mortal blends he could still recall. "Worry not, for they are not poisoned." He chuckled lightly.
Honestly, doing such a thing would be beneath him, especially when faced with mortals of such fire.
"Now," He brought his cup to his lips. "Why don't you inform me as to what, exactly, has brought you to my doorstep prepared for battle?"
They, once more, exchanged a glance between each other, making sure the king was still in sight before Maddie opened her lips.
"Our son is missing."
---
The summoning was a success.
A terrible, terrible success.
One that the Justice League, One John Constantine especially, had valiantly attempted to stop.
But, unfortunately, once it got going it seemed to be incapable of stopping.
Faced with an entity being summoned from the Infinite Realms, they had called all of the heroes who were capable that weren't occupied. Shazam, unfortunately, was one of said heroes occupied.
Superman and Wonderwoman? Were not. So, at the very least, they had two of their heaviest hitters available.
The circle glowed a toxic green, growing and growing in glow until it reached its zenith.
Then was snuffed out as brightly as it glowed.
The air stilled, followed by a chill that rivaled the chilliest of snowstorms as if they were standing within one that very moment.
The next moment?
Ice.
Pure, unflinching, jagged pillars of ice rose from the circle the same moment it glow returned. Sticking out from the circle haphazardly and nearly impaling those that stood too close.
Mist, thick, blue mist. Rolled from the pillars of ice, descending down onto the floor with a gentleness that was almost deceptive if not occupied by such cold and being completely and utterly unnatural as it was.
The Justice League readied themselves.
#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#dcxdp#dp x dc crossover#dc x dp crossover#ghost prince danny#Man why did I write this#I don't know#Just got some inspo ig#Hope you have fun with it tho :3#You can read the Pariah and Fenton part as#Like#A ship thing if you want#Or don't idrc#Why is Danny sleeping/sleepy so much?#I had a vague idea about him slowly becoming the ancient of space or something which is why he resting in preparation for such sheer#Vastness or something#Or it could be something to do with his role as Prince#But honestly you can pick and choose a reason at your leisure idc#May or may not be in my Danny/Billy/Phantom/Shazam arc#idk#Okay I'll stop yapping now
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L'APPEL DU VIDE
okay so. jack! jack. what a collection of guys. the overlap between jack and the beanstalk and jack the giant killer, though. that sure is something! sometimes king arthur is there, which always takes me by surprise.
this. specifically. is an idea I've been kicking around. jack and the beanstalk is not a story I've ever enjoyed, as a kid it was probably my least favorite to read. as an adult, I was INTENSELY fascinated by reading j.g. ballard's the drowned giant. I think about it frequently, and somewhere during a re read of it, I ended up revisiting jack.
combining different versions of jack into one character is not a new concept, but it IS a fun one! the version I've been assembling together plays less with the fun elements of a jack story (and adjacent folklore stories), and focuses more on the potential for tragic elements with the addition of the usual grim and jagged narrative edges that I personally enjoy.
jack with the backstory of the devil and the three golden hairs, only jack doesn't find love, he's TIRED, all he wants to do is go home, but there isn't a home to go back to. what is the point of being born lucky if this is what it gets you? jack the giant killer, only he doesn't want to kill giants, jack who saw a body of a giant when he was a small child and cannot bring himself to do as a king commands. jack, who climbs up the beanstalk and stops halfway to look down. etc.
to go back to the drowned giant real quick, both to set the tone about jack seeing the body of a giant as a youth, and also because I've been haunted and obsessed with this excerpt of it ever since I read it:
J. G. Ballard, The Drowned Giant
anyway! this was originally like, a two illustration concept to get out of my system. however. I'm halfway through outlining a narrative. so. maybe it will also be several illustrations and also comic.
#original tag#generic medieval tag#WAHOO. alright.#i dont have any additional commentary in the tags. reading the drowned giant years ago Did Something To Me#and it connected with whatever it was that made me dislike the jack and the beanstalk narrative (i know what it is. its just not really#all that relevant to this post. also im tired. its time for bed)#through the power of Why Not. i will now. turn it into a story????#i think. its definitely been taking up a lot of space in my mind lately#the only thing stopping me from turning it into my Side Project to do when i need a break from doing Bad Governance edits#is that. ive run out of notebooks???? to start a new story in. and i am Old and i only outline stuff by hand#eventually i'll get to daiso and pick up some new ones and work on this for real. until then. im going to continue to write about it#in my personal journal where i dump all my thoughts and ideas into
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actually I love Tentoo and he is the Doctor and it was the only ending for Rose that worked and it is a huge gift to be able to have the man she loves grow old with her, they were always heading for that, y'all be quiet. I 100% understand the angst but it's okay, they're okay, good ending-
#did you want her to...not end up with the doctor?#she ended up with the doctor. she ended up with the doctor and they get to AGE together#they get to have a real honest relationship the way they both always genuinely wanted#it's hard that the full time lord version has to carry on without her but that is the way that character's story ALWAYS goes#the doctor does not get to keep ANYONE. it would be a different show if he did#meanwhile there is a version of that same face of his - the one that was MADE for love? particularly born out of love for ROSE? the one 1/2#2/2 that always wanted a FAMILY? and stability? and a normal life? the tenth doctor longed for that specifically because of rose#now he gets to have it AND be part-human so he doesn't have to watch her get old. he gets old WITH HER#and they're canonically growing their own Tardis so you don't even have to be sad that they're not adventuring in time and space as usual#because they ARE. it's the kindest ending for either character. and if the full time lord hadn't left without either of them-#-he would have had to lose them eventually. lose Rose because she's human? hello? painful? but instead he was selfless and left her-#-with a proper happy ending. which she CHOSE to have so you can't be like “he tricked her!” she chose to kiss one of them and it was Tentoo#they are the same man. Rose won in this scenario.#and I GET IT I am with Billie Piper I think it will always feel a little off that she was left with Tentoo and not the full time lord#I understand. it still makes me a little sad. but I know it's a good ending writing-wise. really the ONLY ending.#yes I know about the popular idea of Immortal!Rose or Bad Wolf Rose or whatever and that's cute and all BUT - it's not a GOOD thing#it's not PREFERABLE to be immortal. Rose doesn't want to live forever. she wants to be with the man she LOVES forever.#she doesn't want to not die or adventure for all time. she wants to be there to hold his hand. and when Tentoo is born she gets THAT!#Immortal!Rose is tragic. the Doctor would not wish the burden of immortality on the woman he loves HELLO#anyway#I ship timepetals. that includes Tentoo/Rose. because he is the doctor#so there#I have more thoughts on Tentoo specifically but I digress#maybe if provoked in an Ask or something idk#doctorrose#timepetals#opinion piece#tenrose#tentoo#handy
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besties having the worst days of their lives
#did a poll on twt on what i should draw tonight and adam and amanda won yipee#yes the mcrfication of my saw drawings continue#the spaces bother me so i always have to write something hehe#saw#saw fanart#saw 2004#saw ii#saw iii#adam stanheight#amanda young#motherdanger art
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for the ask game (1)
au where bruce is attracted to his robins and batgirls. he tries not to think about it or act on it, but it's getting more difficult with every new member of his team he acquires. does anyone know? do the robins and batgirls notice his weird behavior? what do they do about it? do they ever find out the truth? who would think it's terrible and who would find it strangely hot/comforting/nice? does bruce ever act on his feelings?
for the ask game!
oh my GOD do i have thoughts for AUs like this, i love this shit so dearly, dirtybadwrong Bruce who's trying to keep a lid on it my beloved.
i think the fun of this AU is if characters would notice Bruce lusting for themselves vs would they notice Bruce lusting for a different Robin/Batgirl. like does Dick pick up on it when it's just him and Bruce? no, because it's just. him and Bruce. he and Bruce are weird and complicated and hold endless bounds of nuance. that's just How Bruce Is, and Dick is the "test run", in a sense. he knows Bruce is new to this whole sidekick/family thing and is giving Bruce grace for being rough around the edges. but when Bruce starts looking at Jason or Tim or Cass that way, that's when Dick starts to notice. it's never enough of a suspicion he feels justified to bring it up, but the thought lingers. he's hyperaware and grows less and less comfortable with leaving them alone with Bruce. it's a weird game of chicken, Dick and Bruce staring each other down when Bruce's touch lingers too long. each waiting for the other to say something first. if Bruce ever broke and actually acted on his feelings, Dick would be eaten alive by the guilt of knowing something was up, but never saying something until it was too late.
obviously, Cass would know. there's no world where Cass *doesn't* know, the nature of who and what she is would immediately clock it. but the issue is, Cass doesn't have a good framework of what family looks like. she doesn't really understand familial vs romantic love bc she has no firsthand experience of what a parent's love should even look like. so she never calls it out. she just watches. i'm a fan of Cass believing this is normal and believing she too can express and act on attraction that's vaguely incestuous. maybe it's with Babs, maybe it's with Dick or Tim or Bruce himself. but she recognizes this as Normal and Accepted within the Batfamily, so it severely fucks up her understanding of familial love and i just. man it's my favorite thing about Cass in Batcest honestly, is how you can play with her lack of experience with love, boundaries, and sexuality.
Tim is the fun one for me. because my favorite flavor of BruTim is when Tim knows, as he agrees to be Robin, that there's a non-zero chance that Bruce is going to be Weird and agrees anyway because he's decided it's an acceptable risk. so Tim knows from the get-go because he's expecting it. if Bruce acts on his attraction, i think it's either with Tim or Cass first, because they're the most likely to confront him about it in a way that isn't entirely negative. Tim has accepted it's a possibility and Cass just seeks being loved and touched so. it leads to the first time someone's ever confronted Bruce about it. and the thing is, Bruce really doesn't like confrontation about his flaws. the first time Tim tries to imply he's okay with it, Bruce would lash out at the idea, tell Tim how inappropriate that is and benches Tim for a week. it'd probably take a united front from Cass and Tim to get Bruce to even *admit* to the attraction. still Bruce wouldn't allow it to happen and he brushes them off until finally, the dam breaks. it's fun if there's a cause like sex pollen, but i think it's *more* fun if it's just. a random fucking Tuesday and finally Bruce is at his limit. he has no real reason, there's nothing particularly different about that day's routine. he just sees Tim or Cass striping armor and sighs and gives in.
i don't think Steph, Jason, or Babs would notice until anything substantial happened. not because they're not wicked smart, but just because none of them were looking for it. Jason put Bruce on a pedestal when he was alive, and when he came back from the dead he wasn't close enough to be noticing Bruce's interpersonal dynamics outside of his narrow scope. Steph has no real framework for what healthy fatherhood looks like, so if Bruce's touches linger, if he stares too long, she just shrugs and assumes it's how it is. and Babs was just never quite close enough to Bruce to notice. if and when she notices, is when actual sexual things start to happen between Cass and Bruce. because Cass would see no reason to hide it. Babs would be pissed, but it'd be tricky to navigate. Cass would be an adult, even if she's only 18/19, so technically, she's old enough to be consenting. if nothing else, Bruce is a careful man. even when he breaks and gives in to his desires, he covers his tracks well. he makes sure he has enthusiastic consent and there's no legal recourse that could be taken. age of consent and all that. there's not much Babs can *do* other than try to tell Cass (and/or Tim) that this isn't normal or okay. not that it gets her anywhere, but god would she try.
by the time Duke comes along (if we venture out of the pre-Flashpoint era) i think it's a sort of. open secret, in the Batfamily. talked about in nothing but hushed whispers and knowing glances. at some point, they've all had sex with Bruce, caving all for different reasons. some more than others. Tim sees it as a duty, Cass sees it as a way of seeking comfort, Steph sees it as getting Bruce's approval for once, etc. it's never forced on them, but eventually, they all come to Bruce sooner or later. and that's the fun irony of it, i think. they try to convince the others not to, but would go to Bruce on their own well. because complicated reasons they can't put into words. sometimes, Bruce is just a messy man who doesn't realize how prized his Attention to for the rest of the Batfamily. that weird duality of not liking him, but also wanting desperately for him to like you. all of them have dealt with it, at some point. so for Duke, it takes a while for him to understand this... whole dynamic. it's Cass who tries to explain it to him, and he's a little horrified, a lot confused. especially when Bruce starts staring at him a little too long as well. i think he'd only want to watch first but well. they all cave eventually.
also fun bonus if we venture into the Dark Knight Returns universe for my bestest girl Carrie Kelley: there's such a like, "i'm fucking around and i'm finding out" vibe to Carrie. like Tim, she's very proactive in just. deciding she's going to be Robin and she's ready for whatever that entails. (IMO canon Carrie is closer to fanon Tim than canon Tim is but *that* deserves its own post-) like she takes one look at the old man that is Batman and goes yup. he's never fucking getting rid of me now. if Bruce started having weird feelings about her, i think she'd have *fun* with it. she's decided she's in it for the long haul and for whatever being Robin means so. she's almost teasing about it, seeing how hard she can push before Bruce snaps. since it's an older, gruffer Bruce, i think he'd express open annoyance at it first, almost a sort of banter about how Carrie behave. but of course he caves and Carrie leans into it, because there's a fun in having all of Bruce's attention to herself. in the main timeline, Bruce is pretty split with so many Robins and Batgirls, but during their era, it's *just* her and him and she's very proud she's got him all to herself.
#bruce fucks/lusts after every batfam member and they all want to protect each other from him#but also they're all going to fuck him anyway bc they're hypocrite and self sacrificial.#necrotic answerings#ask game#brudick#brujay#brutim#brucass#brusteph#brubabs#bruduke#brucarrie#batcest#did i get all the ship names? god i hope so#listen i'm a pre-flashpoint girlie but know i believe there should be more duke in batcest spaces.#let him in on the fun. stop calling him the normal one. let him ALSO be toxic and gay damnit#though trying to figure out their ship name i cackling at the thought of it being bruke or duce. it's so fucking funny to me and idek why#also let carrie into batcest spaces damnit. there's so few bruce/carrie fics you're all uninspired /lh#anyway yeah i'm obsessed with the vibes of#does anyone like bruce? no but his attention. his approval. the things most of the batkids would do for it#i think you could do bruce/helena b with these vibes too#but ngl i got do mad at the batman: brave & the bold show for doing helena dirty by just making her hot for bruce#that i mentally tune that ship out#it's good. it has good potential for daddy issues.#but it just reminds me of how fucking *ass* helena is in that show. they fucked up my bbygirl.#idk why ppl like b:tb&tb so much. i don't think it's good??#is it nostalgia or something? like there's so many other better batman animated shows that can like. write women. idk that's just me#anyway love this concept so dearly <3#bruce who is so fucking bad at love he can't separate familial and romantic love my beloved <3#bruce wayne having *boundaries*? absolutely not in my good catholic batcest home.
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Hi GT! Congratulations on the last chapter, as always! Lately my brain has been fixated on a detail that I find very interesting. I can't help but think that any adult in LH who is preparing for war has at least once thought while looking at Draco "ok, this could definitely help us in the future". And I find it almost hilarious because I love the way you characterize Artur and Molly and their protective instinct towards the kids... but let's be honest, Hermione, Ron and Harry have ensured the heir of the greatest house in the wizarding world to the cause.
One of the interesting parts about the Harry Potter series is that both sides of the conflict use child soldiers, and you get to see a realistic range of reactions to that from the adults around them. There's Molly, who's reasonably unconditionally opposed to it on the grounds that They're Children, and then Sirius, who unreasonably supports it on the grounds of being himself a stunted teenager, and then Mad-Eye, who reasonably supports it on the grounds of "they're going to have to fight anyway," and Dumbledore, who is some combination of these viewpoints depending on the situation — most protective of Harry when the danger is real, but perhaps necessarily the most realistic about Harry's role in ending the war. Lionheart has a slightly different cast of adults, because it's a different POV, but you still see a range of opinions from Narcissa ("you'll harm my son over my dead body, but also he needs to be able to defend myself") to Snape ("careful, Draco") to Moody (the same, arguably more so, because he's thinking of the long game) and Dumbledore (again, some situation-dependent combination of viewpoints). The kids are often so caught up in their own part of the conflict that it doesn't occur to them the strategic decisions that are happening over their heads — when you're a teen and an adult tells you you're too young for something, the kneejerk reaction is "fuck off" — but there are always conversations happening in other rooms, especially in Grimmauld Place.
#sidebar I've been wondering for some time what the point of the hallows was#sure it gave Voldemort something to do in Book 7 when he'd technically Won already#but it didn't end up mattering. and I don't like explanations where it goes 'that's the point!' because that doesn't explain#why the space wasn't used to explore something that DOES matter#of which there is a lot!#why are we doing this 'temptation of Harry on the mountain' thing with griphook#as if the christ allegory was somehow unclear up to that point#when for the past 40 chapters we've have no idea what the Order is doing during this uhhh [checks notes] WAR??#i said it once and i'll say it again. WHERE WAS THE SECOND WIZARDING WAR#WHERE WERE THE BATTLES? WHERE WERE THE ASSASSINATIONS? THE POLITICS?#I didn't need her to write zero dark thirty with wizards or anything but — actually no fuck it. i did want that.#i wanted zero dark thirty meets saving private ryan. with wizards. that's what i wanted#lionheart spoilers
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thinking about Bodkin again bc I mean,,, ALL THE SYMBOLISM OHHHHHGH. i NEED some tumblr film analysis hobbyists to watch this show and tell me all the themes n such
#yes I’m making all these posts in a row#it’s bc I’m obsessed atm#mypost#Bodkin#bodkin netflix#PLEASSEEEEE#WHY DID THE PAPER MACHE HEAD LOOK LIKE GILBERT#CAN WE HAVE AN IN-DEPTH CONVERSATION ABOUT EVERYTHING ABOUT GILBERT BEING FORCED TO SWALLOW/CHOKE ON HIS WORDS (recorder) BUT THAT SOUND—HIS#STORY (HIS pov. however ‘abstract’ and detatched from consequence it may have been) BEING WHAT CATCHES EMMY AND DOVEs ATTENTION TO SAVE HIM#. LIKE#OUGHHHHHWJEHQIHSJSBWJXNAJSNNQJZNWHXJWHXJEBXNDUSBJS#AND THE WOLF IMAGERY PLS SOMEONE TELL ME ABOUT THAT#IS THERE MORE THAN THE SURFACE? what do I not understand? as im writing this out am thinking: ok its cause dove is a lone wolf#WAITTTT WAIT OMFG AND when she remembers that her mom told her to howl when she was lost… bc wolves actually have family and I’m p sure the#lone wolf thing is a myth… after she realizes that she’s not alone and she can choose to interact#GOD GRAHHHHH IM GOING CRAZY OVER THIS SHOW#other things I’m thinking abt (will maybe make a post abt?)#OUGH YEAH OK dove symbolism: wolf/lone wolf. sunglasses/shielding herself (OUGH AND SHE PICKS UP THAT XTRA LAYER OF DEFENCE WHEN SHE COMES#BACK TO HOMELAND/familiar space… bc she’s vulnerable to her past here…. hrahhh#. also LMFAO when she calls the sheriff a piggy#hrmmmmm aughhh I want to dissect Gilbert and Seamus’s friendship oughhh#ok wait even more on Dove: I want to dig into when she calls Emmy Emmy vs Sizargd (will have to look up the spelling whoops) —was it always#blatant manipulation? how much of it is a reflection of what she is? hrmmmm there’s so much there I think#another Q: why did Emmy call the tech guy Shitpants again at the end? ik there were the stakes I just wanna dig into her character more. why#would she say the shitpants thing instead of manipulating him in other ways? (not saying her was was unreasonable at all lol-j wanna dig#into her character.#OH prob something abt the whole ‘her needing to release her anger’ thing? idk ahh I want to analyze her more
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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I was trying to find a way for Hunter to take his shirt off in a way that felt natural during a scene I’m writing and my partner suggested that Hunter could be that guy that just gets really hot and takes his shirt off randomly and now I can’t stop picturing Hunter mid conversation taking his shirt off and everyone being like 👁️👁️ and then carrying on like he isn’t nips out
#space chatter#I had him spill something on himself#but I did consider making him This Guy#the bad batch#tbb hunter#pro tip for writing Hunter pre order 66 just make him silly af#he is a lightweight#he is a bad dancer#he does get bouts of energy and chase his squad for fun#he is awkward but it’s endearing#he Is that guy that gets too hot and takes his shirt off bc it’s just his squad who cares?#it’s not like anyone would pay any mind to various states of undress#I feel like the clones would be pretty chill about naked bodies#but instead of just having him take his shirt off randomly I made him spill his drink sorry Hunter
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y'all i've been upset about nanowrimo's shenanigans since last year, when kids weren't safe, and now there's this AI shitshow, and i want to cry about it again, because nano has been SO IMPORTANT to me since 2008--it helped me hack my writing process and make a bunch of cool shit, and i've written so many stories i love using it as a jumping off point. but. we gotta protect kids, and we gotta get the fuck out of here with AI bullshit.
so. the decision i have come to is that i will still be participating in nano. but now it stands for "now a's [that's me] novel writing month." i'm still going to write a book in november, and i'm still going to shoot for the 1,667 words/day (even though my finished projects wind up way longer than that, invariably), because i've structured my creative life around this routine, but i won't be using their site any more.
i will also not be tagging my november project posts as nanowrimo, but i WILL still be tagging them as "nano[YEAR]" (because that's been my tagging system for untitled projects for uh. years.). and it's now a's novel writing month :)
#text#personal#nanowrimo#nano2024#as soon as i can get my feelings together i'm going to go delete my account :(#i want to save my data from it though so i have to figure out How To Do That#that's like. that's my writing history. for over a decade.#well. one month's worth anyway.#i love the graphs i love the word counter i love the Record#i love that it did it for me so i didn't have to make it special for myself#a friend already did a little excel graph that accomplishes most of the same stuff so i'll use something like that#i've been counting offline for years anyway#i just. ouch.#literally the project i'm revising now was a nano seven years ago#so many of them have been#protect kids like DON'T SET THEM UP TO BE GROOMED HOLY FUCK#not protect kids like coddle and restrict access#protect kids like don't put people in positions of power who can't be trusted with it (like make sure the space is FOR TEENS)#anyway i'm tired and upset and i need to figure out what to do about this haunted house book#i wanted to get words out here before i continued to post about my writing projects just so i have sometime to point to about it#“hi here's my stance kthxbye”#admin
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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I'm starting Mission to Zyxx Season 5 now, and I have feelings about that.
First, it generally scares me when people hype anything up at all because there is no guarantee that anyone values the exact same thing I do to the same degree. Even if I trust the creators of a thing to value something and try to do right by it, that doesn't always necessarily mean it will be successful, especially if that involves doing something wildly different than what made it good in the first place (I have been burned this way before). I guess I'm just hoping they continue the format of goofy improv shenanigans for the majority of it with something more planned and emotional in the finale if they want, like they've been doing all along. I'd think they would, and I've heard nothing bad about the ending, but I guess it still makes me nervous because I'm so close to the end and I want it so badly to stick the landing. I'm setting my expectations on the floor so I can be surprised instead of disappointed, but honestly, I don't need it to be better, I just need it to be on par with the rest.
Second, and more briefly, I'm happy it's (hopefully) ending before it has a chance to decline. I am so on board with that philosophy. But on the other hand, finishing a thing that I really, really like and knowing there's not another one out there gives me a special kind of heartache. Like, I know there will be other good media, and stuff that's good and unique in other ways, but I know for a fact that there are no other podcasts out there that have the same mix of a balance of off-the-wall improv and structured narrative, quality comedy, fantastical sci-fi setting and loveable characters, and high quality production. There are other things out there with many of those qualities, but nothing that checks every one of those boxes. It's a lightning-in-a-bottle thing that very much feels like the right people had to be in the right place at the right time to do it. Attempts to do it again would feel hollow because it had to be born out of necessity and passion and the talents of the people involved, so if you switch out the people it loses the reasons it's great, and if the same people tried to do it again it'd feel tired. That makes me so, so grateful it exists, but also so, so sad that it doesn't, and I'm 80% of the way done. When it's over, it's over.
Anyway. Now that that's all out there, I'm just gonna finish listening and have fun. Wish me luck.
#pickle pontificates#mission to zyxx#if you freaking flip on episode 1 after reading this and are like. wow. they're talking a lot about butts and ejecting people into space.#what is pickle on about#well. sue me i guess. idk#I have a lot of feelings about this as a general topic so this is moreso just the most recent thing that's touched on it for me#okay so time for essay 2 in the tags#1. I don't really talk about TAZ on here but it's something I carry with me whenever I think about this kind of thing#I think that in the same vein as MTZ it started off very goofy and directionless and then gave me more emotions than I thought it would#and it's not perfect but balance was a cultural landmark in a lot of ways#i enjoyed amnesty but it didn't have the same spark. what drew me to balance was all the goofy improvisation#and the fact that it was never serious until it was#amnesty (although i loved the setting/concept and enjoyed the characters) crossed the line into taking things more seriously#and while that's not a bad thing in and of itself the thing i enjoy about the mcelroys is when they're goofing around#that's what they're good at and it's why i like them#subsequent arcs suffered the same thing to varying degrees#i slogged through most of graduation for some reason and although ethersea was better i didn't finish it#taz dracula was the first time i've felt that same kind of fun while listening since balance#and I really think it was because they were just getting silly with it. sure yeah elizabeth the sports druid. lady godwin turns into a hors#whatever!#their dad gets to follow through on his ideas and do whatever crazy but kinda logical thing he comes up with#but i guess the point is that to me taz feels very lightning in a bottle. balance is what it's capable of being but is not the default#all the other right ingredients had to be in the soup#2. noragami. ohh noragami.#you wormed your way deep into my heart and then flopped out of it like a messy slimy dead fish#and i can't even be upset about it because the creators sounded so tired and unhappy with the way it ended#but there was so much potential. so many themes that DID hit hard throughout the story and could've knocked a man out cold#had they come back at the end#and they could have right up until so very close!!! it wasn't unsalvageable#in fact it still isn't. you'd hardly have to revise anything. you'd just have to write a different ending
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drawing fanart everyday for Danganronpa: A New Generation until the First Episode comes out
Day 233: Sliding Scale of Log Quotes
Check out the fangan!
#DGNG#mikazuki enoki#rosie darwin#asaro abeno#dailydgng#I’ll make an updated list if I even need to fill a line-long space in the frame#chika and quana’d be almost right below mikazuki#kya and nishimura’d be a bit higher than asaro#or lower#actually basically everyone else’d be lower than rosie#them getting a bit more serious as more come in (with a few outliers probably) does make sense#assuming you’re reading them in order#since they’re supposedly pre-series reading material read before the first episode#I had a theory a bit ago that they were in meeting order for when naruko wakes up protag-style being helped up by nishimura#but it kinda got tossed aside since poppi came out a few logs after julien#speaking of theories#there’s something interesting about quana’s quote#I have some semblance of an idea but I probably shouldn’t write it here#I should probably start analyzing the log entries#I kinda did that for chika when she came out and a bit for mikazuki#but I haven’t really written out my thoughts on the first half a dozen ones yet#stuff about asaro’s number of siblings and julien’s naruko-assigned death flag(?) and quana’s hesitance with strangers#it’s meant to get you thinking anyway
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hey mrs. akaashi how’s the weather over there
meet me at our spot?
“mrs akaashi”
LET ME AT HIM. PLEASE. PLEASDEEEEEEEEEE
why do you do this to me. i was legit scratching my brain trying to think of something to put in my ask that would make you freak and then you just drop two NUCLEAR BOMBS like nothing happened. i hate you ree of tumblr.com/aozui formerly zumicho formerly froyoya
#i’m doing okay#i’ve been in a weird subliminal space recently#i think i might transfer schools if i’m being so fr#like i’m not as happy as i could be here#but the thought of leaving my friends makes me sob violently#i have a fuck ton of homework#currently putting off 3 hours of microscopy training#yes microscopy like the study of microscopes#why did i have to be a bio major why couldn’t i have been like business or something#anyways#i’m so glad you’re feeling inspired??? that’s so great and so fun???!!!!#i#hope you find time#to write#dunno why those cut up like they did but wtvr#also i’m sorry but i think i’m going to wittle you down to one mutual tag#bc those three are so so long#what do you prefer#my little riemann sum <3#the ted to my barney <3#mollys guardian angel <3#off my rocker#the voices
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#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music#which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad#its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading#papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot#i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages#and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc#i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this#works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab#have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier#so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break#myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take#the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me#so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester#i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt#my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just#at the end of the line and it sucks#unrelated
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