#someone tell me to just save my money and chill LOL | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

purplesurveys · 13 days ago

Text

1940

When was the last time you were bitten by an animal? What kind of animal was it? Max bites me often, though never aggressively. He does scratch me both accidentally and on purpose all the time, and it's those instances that have led to lots of gashes and bleeding and Band-Aids, lmao. My arm is never not decorated with scratches anymore.

When was the last time you had sex/did something sexual? How was it? This afternoon. It felt nice.

When was the last time you did something illegal? What did you do? A few weeks ago when I was watching BTS content pirated on Dailymotion, lol.

What was the last colour you dyed your hair? Purple.

Tell me about the first five photos you have on your phone or camera. My answer would have to be a guess because my phone's in my room upstairs and I don't feel like going up to get it – in any case my best guess is that Kimi has to be in that mix of five somehow. I have no clue about the others.

Who was the last person you know to have something big happen to them (i.e., get engaged/married, have a baby, etc.)? Angela passed the boards, got engaged, and reserved a condo unit this year alone. I'm soooooooo stoked for her ♡

Is there anybody over the age of 40 that you think is hot? Nobody comes to mind.

Have you ever been punched in the face? Nope.

Do you have to watch yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth? Hahaha sometimes I will, other times I won't bother.

Do you think your last ex deserves to die? No. I don't like her, but I wouldn't wish death on her.

How’s the love life going? There's none, and it's great that way.

Do you think the last person you Facebook messaged is a virgin? Nopes.

Have you ever been cheated on, or had a guy move on extremely fast after a long, seemingly sincere relationship? I've experienced the latter.

Have you ever had someone drag his or her nails down your back? Continued from earlier in the evening. Yes.

If you’ve been hurt in a past relationship, are you more jaded this time around? Jaded to the point of never dating again, yes.

[TW: ABUSE] Have you ever been in a physically abusive relationship? No.

Have you ever felt more like you needed someone, and less like you loved that person? Mm, not at all. I know that I loved that person.

Is there any habit, attachment, or addiction that you feel you have beaten or risen above? ARMY life. It's understandable – fans go through their baby ARMY phase for a few months wherein consuming BTS is all they'd do. I was the same. I could make every conversation return back to them if my life had to depend on it; I spent an irresponsible amount of money on merch and I had no savings for like two years (although this was really more of a personal problem tbh, lol); I'd play their videos 24/7; I went to every pop-up store, memorized every single promotion schedule by heart, save 10,000 pictures of them on my phone, etc.

The boys enlisting in the military honestly really helped me in taking it down several notches. I'm still hardcore ARMY, but I'm a lot more chill this time! No longer obsessive. I don't feel the need to catch Run Jin at Tuesdays 8 PM sharp, but I'll watch it all the same. I'd no longer memorize a member's promo schedule for their releases, but whenever they would drop a concept photo or the tracklist I'd just eventually catch up. Little things like that. They've evolved to feeling like low-maintenance besties that I can catch up with every once in a while, and it's a nice feeling to have.

Have you ever lived with a friend? Nah.

Have you ever only liked someone because you found out they liked you? No. We liked each other.

Do you think people act weirder or that stranger things happen when there's a full moon? No and I don't believe in things like that.

Do you think you would make a good parent someday? No. My patience with kids is way too short.

In which were you happiest: elementary, middle, or high school? High school, 100%.

Have you ever written something on a street sign? I have not.

Life is nothing without passion. What are your passions? Writing, animals, history and culture.

How's the weather lately? Well it's typhoon season again, so we have patches of sun-rain-sun-rain all day long. Suffice it to say it's also been consistently humid.

You can bring back one dead pet to life. Which one? Tobi, our pet bunny, so I can continue my attempts for he and I to be closer and so I can learn the formula of him not biting whenever I'd reach out to hold him. He didn't live very long so I wasn't able to achieve these when he was alive.

I know the obvious answer here would have been Kimi – but I know 100% that bringing him back would just hurt me a million times more than it would relieve me. He already had a great run. I'd much rather keep hanging out with his urn in the living room.

Is there a pillowcase on your pillow? Describe it: It's just a plain beige one.

School: what classes are you taking at the moment? I haven't been in school in four years.

What scent is your deodorant? It has powdery and floral notes.

Are you happy with what you see when you look in the mirror? For the most part, yes.

Does it get super hot in the summer where you live? Yup, so very uncomfortably hot. People here get heat stroke or faint all the time because of the heat. As for me, during the summer months, I need to have the aircon on all afternoon because I genuinely cannot think well if it's too hot; and if I cannot think well, I cannot do my work well.

Would you ever date someone of the same sex? I did.

If you HAD to be raised by another family member than you were, who? My favorite aunt. She did a fantastic job raising her kids, who have now grown to be my confident, outspoken, and intelligent cousins. They're best friends with each other and her kids are very open with her, which is a rarity in Filipino parent-child relationships to be completely honest. She's always had a very liberal point-of-view on things to begin with, which to me is a major factor in how her kids turned out.

Are you close with you best friends' parents? Do you know them very well? I am extremely close with Angela's parents and they pretty much treat me like their second child. They feed me, video call me to give me advice on pretty much anything, greet me for every milestone, etc.

Basically, the relationship I have with them + even with my aforementioned aunt is the relationship I've always sought from and should have been having with my own parents.

Do you like reptiles as pets, or do they gross you out? They don't gross me out, it's just that they wouldn't be my pet of choice as I wouldn't know the first thing in giving them the proper care and conditions that they'd need to survive.

What is the youngest age you would consider dating somebody? Tbh just 25, so a year younger lol. Anything younger, to me it already starts to feel like I'm dating a kid.

Favorite type of seafood? Mussels!!! And oysters. Sashimi, too. I also enjoy crab but mostly on the crab fat side; their meat is just meh.

Are you more traditional or progressive? Progressive.

Are you into the occult? No.

How long was your longest relationship? We were involved for six years total. There was one on-off phase at some point, but even during that time you can say we were still involved with each other.

Did you ever honestly believe you were going to marry your highschool bf/gf? Honestly, yeah.

Are you a virgin? Do you believe virginity is "sacred?" No and no.

Would you say that you have a lot of friends? Not really, but it's also because I prefer my circle to be small.

Are both your parents alive? They are, yes.

Were you raised by your biological parents? They did, alongside my grandma and aunt (mom's sister-in-law).

Has your family ever been broken? It's frustratingly dysfunctional. We have walls built up around one another; it's so easy to tell. My parents have also never been the open type so naturally, as their kids, we mutually learned not to be open with them.

Do you think your parents respect your space? My dad does; my mom doesn't.

Are you close with you siblings, if you have any? I'm close with my sister.

Have you ever in anger told your parent(s) that you hated them? I wrote this sentiment about my mom in the journal I kept when I was younger. She wasn't the best. She had set such high standards for her kids and she never realized that we were just...kids. We needed to be perfect, spotless, neat, smart, polite, make zero mistakes at all times. We weren't allowed to cry, to have one notebook out of place in our school bags, to leave even a single grain of rice in our plate. But she also never explained Why We Had To Be All These Things That She Wanted Us To Be.

All we knew was that if we didn't follow her orders, we were going to be the subject of her yelling, and it didn't matter if it was 5 AM when we were barely awake, or 11 PM when she'd get home from work. All we knew was that if we made a mistake, even if we didn't know at that time that it would be a mistake, she'd give us the silent treatment for days and it'd leave us quivering and crying in fear and thinking "Is she ever going to talk to me again?" Things that no kid should be forming thoughts about.

So yes, I wrote in my journal that I hated her because that's what I genuinely felt for her.

What’s your favourite Thai dish? Pad thai!

Have you ever been on a date with someone you met online? How was it? No.

What sort of games do you like to play? I'm not much of a gamer lol and truthfully I do best with puzzle games or rhythm games. Simple ones that don't require much thinking or strategy-building.

What was the last candy you ate? I had a gummy burger and hotdog.

Do you know anyone who is deaf? I used to. My great-grandma's caregiver was deaf and mute.

Do you eat or drink as soon as you wake up, or do you wait a while? I wait a while. There's a couple of things I prefer to do first, like showering and taking the dogs out to pee.

What's your favourite kind of Oreo? Just the original one.

Do you play any games on your phone? If so, tell me about one. I've been playing Rhythm Hive since 2021. I like that it has constant quests so you can keep playing toward different achievements, as opposed to just having songs for the sake of having songs. I also credit the game for letting me discover new songs and building my interest toward the other Hybe artists.

Do you have more male or female coworkers? Female, for sure.

What's the longest stretch of time you've spent completely alone? During my breakup era when I'd only ever show up for dinner. That was from mid-September to December.

Do you have the same color eyes as your mother? Yes.

Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? Nope.

When was the last time you went bowling? A month ago. I went bowling with my teammates. It's also how I learned that I'm not as awful at bowling as I thought, haha.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Yes.

Do you have piercings anywhere except your ears? How many and where? No, you got it exactly right with ears. That's all I have and I don't intend on getting any more.

What’s your opinion on leggings as pants? Whatever, you do you. I personally detest leggings in any situation; they're SO itchy and I find it impossible to see what's so comfy about them. But if you love leggings, that's great! I wish I could too lmao.

Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? My ex.

Do you have a secret life? I guesssssss to an extent? This blog is a major factor in that.

Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? Yeah.

Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? Hell no.

Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? Doughnuts.

If you had to get a piercing right now, what would it be? If pain/discomfort isn't going to be an issue, I'd go for either a nose ring or a lip ring.

The last time you held a baby: 2007.

Does your mom eat meat? Yes, everyone in the family does.

What would be your reaction if one of your parents said they were having another kid? I'd know at once they're pulling my leg as my mom has had a hysterectomy.

How do you feel about snails? They're cute, but I'm sorry they are also delicious lol.

Are you physically affectionate with your friends? I definitely can be, but I gauge their comfort level with affection/it depends on who they are, too. I'd never be affectionate with Andi beyond hugs because they have a girlfriend. I know Jo's iffy about physical touch so I always hold back. But I'd hold Angela's hand and lean on her shoulder whenever I want.

Do you kill spiders when you see them? No, I let them be especially if they aren't bothering me.

Would you ever adopt a child? No.

Do you like your name's meaning? Sure, it's simple and sweet.

Do you and your mom look like sisters? We get this a lot, yes.

Are you the same height as your mom? No, she's a bit taller by a couple of inches.

What subjects do you like to read about? History, pro wrestling essays, auto/biographies, and opinions.

Are there any (obviously fictional) villains you can't help but love? Gus Fring.

Can you name a villain who you could kind of side with? Walter White, though I also 'blame' that on the terrific writing the Breaking Bad crew did for him. He was never to be sided with, and yet they made me root for him – up until a certain point, that is, but the point still stands.

What color eyes does your significant other (or crush) have? (If applicable.) I don't have any.

Does anything around your home need repairing? The lightbulb in my brother's room, but otherwise that's it.

2 notes · View notes

hells-greatestdad · 4 months ago

Note

25. Who is someone you admire?

29. Who are your favorite characters?

52. How would your friends and/or family describe you? How different are you really to what they’d describe you with?

53. How would you respond if someone is rude to you or has done you wrong?

58. How important is writing to you?

Who is someone you admire?

Someone I admire? Good question.... I suppose, for non-internet people, that's still my stepdad. Who is no longer with us, but... guy was pretty wise and very intelligent, had all manner of careers in his life and tons of good life experience and advice. Very humorous and goofy and good with kids. Well.... we had been very close. So yeah. Even while he also had glaring faults (like many people do), I admire him.

(He also definitely had OCD. But hey, so do I.)

Who are your favorite characters?

Well, aside from Luci here (who is the newest fav and also a comfort character), I also really love Goku, Minato (from Naruto), Crona (Soul Eater), Rin Okumura (Blue Exorcist), Seras Victoria (Hellsing Ultimate), Izuku Midoria (My Hero Academia), Edward Elric (Fullmetal Alchemist), Tomoya (CLANNAD).... that's what comes to mind off the top of my head.

Goku was my previous comfort character before Lucifer. He had held the position since 2015 or so.

How would your friends and/or family describe you? How different are you really to what they’d describe you with?

Hm.... I thiiiink......

Friends generally say I'm super nice, chill.... family would definitely say that I'm incredibly messy and disorganized.

I don't think that's necessarily inaccurate, though.... I'm a bit less nice than I used to be.... more easily annoyed, for sure. Though I keep those thoughts to myself and still generally assume the best about others. Still.... working customer service for 5 years will do that, lol!

How would you respond if someone is rude to you or has done you wrong?

You know, it.... I've had plenty of these scenarios. Generally.... I am extremely non-confrontational. I'd rather deal with shit than rock the boat.

One time someone stole my dog. I spent 3 days looking for him, puting up posters, walking door to door in my neighborhood, etc. And then someone told me they saw a facebook post from a coworker with a picture of my dog, gave me information on where this person lived, etc.

They were in my neighborhood, which is to be expected.

We attempted to make contact, they ignored us. Finally, got the police involved, at which point, they finally showed their face and brought the dog out.

They were like I spent money on this dog, etc.... look, I just wanted my fur baby back, I didn't want to argue. Ended up giving them the $50 in my savings account because I didn't want to keep arguing over shit. ....it was all the money I had at the time, as I was unemployed.

If that doesn't tell you what a pushover I am, or at least used to be, then.... yeah.

I might not be that extremely easy to manipulate these days, but.... still tend to be very much conflict avoidant. Generally, rather forgive easily and move on.

.....now. If someone wrongs someone else, especially someone vulnerable, then I'm going to be much angrier than if they had wronged me.

How important is writing to you?

Writing is important to me in so far as it is a vehicle by which I indulge in my hyperfixations. It's been a way to express myself creatively since I was 11! I remember sharing my little fanfictions with my stepdad, who was very enthusiastic about my endeavors. (I didn't know it was called fanfiction at the time, but that's what it was!)

#ooc #munday #death mention

3 notes · View notes

sharkface-daydreams · 2 years ago

Note

5 works :3 ship opinion bingo: sharkface/felix, sharkface/locus, sharkface/price, sharkface/carolina, and sharkface/kimball

So many shark ships, is this my birthday??? lol

Let's start with my main otp of all time ever, Sharkface/Locus :3333 with the rest under a cut for sake of scrolling ofc

Despite appearances, Sharkface is actually the most well adjusted "just some guy" of the mercs since Siris is gone. And that I think can tug Locus back towards the realm of balance, make him realize hey this fucked up thing I have with Felix? doesn't need to be like this. Like sure they're both still fucked up freaks, but I think since Sharkface is actually capable of being normal about people stuff Locus' badly calibrated interpersonal compass could be bright back into better alignment. It might not be normal but Sharkface would be decently chill about Locus needing to start being a good guy in earnest and having a Person at the vet least is good for Sharkface. He's a social animal and needs to have People around to love and nurture or he suffers.

Which brings us to my next favorite, the ever-toxic "what the fuck is with these guys" ship: Shark/Felix >:) the only way I can see these guys is as aromantic and casually sexual but still somehow weirdly codependent. They 100% bring out the worst in each other, and really I can mostly only see this "working" in an extremely specific or modern AU.

The oddly specific one is a personal au of mine where Sharkface survives Armonia bc one of his assigned squad scrapes him off the pavement and gets him to medical. So that when Felix is falling off the tower like a meteor headed to hell Sharkface is like huh that looks like it's gonna suck and yoinks him sideways instead with his grapplehook. (Do not tell me he isn't any good with it you know that boy spent way too much time with his old squad doing dumb shit and stupid tricks) They both escape death by sheer dumb luck, Locus disappears like a ghost and the UAC runs the remnants off of Chorus into an escape Condor. It's uh. It's like that one post. Fuck. I can't find the screenshot but it's like enemies to begrudgingly working together and maybe me saving your life and you saving mine i feel some sort of minor obligation and i guess you're not that bad after all and we don't work so bad together and at some point it's just easier to stick together kind of thing. And with Sharkface he needs a person or people as stated above and Felix clings because it's weird to not have someone at his side and well they're getting work done and making money and the sex is good so why break a decent grind while it's still working out... ANYWAY. That, and enraged hatefucking while the wars still on. Those are the options but god are they chewy.

There's no real rhyme or reason to the order, truthfully these rotate in my top spot depending on the day lol but Sharklina is so. SO. ough. listen ok so they're enemies at first and Lina completely rocks his shit and thanks to the Skittles assholes he loses everything and they forget about the people they've crushed under a fucking skyscraper. He's hell bent on revenge, she's hell bent on redemption. which is extremely funny in light of his tattoo. they're both competitive and dedicated and passionate and neither one of them likes backing down, and honestly in like a modern au with them meeting at like idk an MMA match or something i think they'd kick each other's asses and then make out. In canon though they've got SO MUCH deliciously chewy baggage to work through and if they hadn't just fucking shot him bc they were running out of time and he declared his undying vengeance i think they might have begrudgingly found they had quite a lot in common over time and through a LOT of hand to hand combat. Ugh. They make me insane. Stubborn little fuckers.

a 'problematic' but evergreen fave. two unsc prisoners freed and pressganged by criminals, one acting in his former capacity as a psychological professional but likely without any licensure any longer, and only with the intention to hone sharkface into a keen blade of revenge to clip some loose ends from his life to make a cleaner getaway, or at least that's what I assume. he proves to be scheming to save his own hide towards the end. BUT WHAT IF he finds an odd attachment to this broken soldier, nearly suicidal in his desires for revenge, to quiet the ghosts in his mind? either as an intellectual curiosity or personal curiosity. i like the option of sharkface trying to dig into him in return with what little he knows of the guy besides the fact that he's playing his cards very close to his vest. that contrarianism can either work against price or right into his hands, but it's about grabbing the right leads and if he misjudges, the shark will thrash free and go right for the neck...

i guess i don't have a whole lot coherent to say but i do love to chew on this weird lopsided power dynamic and toss in a bit of shipping just to see where it goes. sometimes you get a fluff blend where they're both hurting in the core of them and deciding that actually this war is stupid/doomed/worthless and fucking off together to not heal persay but find some mutual comfort is nice. it's versatile because they're both tertiary and quaternary villains in 13 so there's entirely too much grey space to fill in, even though we've known the counselor since season 6 (technically)

now THIS one i had to chew on for a while because the only canon interaction they have is Kimball witnessing his "as long as I'm alive you're all as good as dead!" speech and shooting him in the chest. 🥴

but. in a world where he's captured instead maybe. Kimball won't let him at the freelancers and he's pissed. the freelancers killed the only people that ever gave a fuck about him, so the only thing left to keep him warm is revenge. Kimball knows a thing or two about having someone kill your entire family callously without losing a wink of sleep over it. She's a lot of tough love because she has to be as a leader, as a source of courage and a beacon of hope for her troops to look towards. But that might actually work on him. She might be able to convince him that you have to keep moving forward regardless, and tearing through innocents on your way to extract a personal revenge doesn't make you any better than the people who wronged you in the first place.

He'd resist at first, refuse to listen, tell her to fuck off, because what does he have left to hold if not for that last ember of vengeance? But he was put off balance when Carolina first apologized to him. Kimball's talked to him a few times. He's got a conscience in there even if he doesn't want it and the worst part is she's right. She's right and he hates it and the more he thinks about all the kids he killed on this side for the mercs the sicker he feels, and finally decides he'll fight for them, give up intel on the mercs and take the fight right back to the guys who brought him here in the first place.

I think to be anything romantic it'd take a very very long road of shark redemption first and probably a lot of awkward "we can't possibly, she's the president of the whole planet and I'm some asshole Merc that turned sides to fight for them/i can't possibly impose, i can't ask someone out bc they'll feel obligated bc I'm the president argh power dynamic" and he's probably aiding rebuilding efforts after and maybe Kimball feels compelled to check in with him occasionally and there's a fondness there that grows slowly and maybe he finally cracks a joke and it takes her by surprise and he's never heard her laugh like that before and uh oh that did it, the dam has broken and he'll take her out on lunch dates to make sure she does take a break sometimes, and after spending so long having to worry about looking after everyone else is nice to have someone who looks after her too, and aaaa ok good job thanks you made me ship it /o\ ...jerk (affectionate)

also i was gonna like proofread this but I've been working on this for a couple hours on and off now and I'm tired so while this was VERY FUN THANK YOU i am too tired for proofreading so hopefully it's legible

#rvb sharkface #ask games #inbox games #blorbo tag #sir that's my emotional support shark #sharcus #sharklix #sharklina #sharkprice #fuck it we sharkball #i wrote that tag initially as a joke bc sharkball but honestly!!!! i talked myself into shipping it #so #fuck it we sharkball!!!!!#this is super fucking long but scroll to the end if you just want to know about sharkball

9 notes · View notes

bonniebird · 2 years ago

Text

Lost boys thoughts that haunt me:

1. Michael had never met his grandfather. He's 18. Yes they lived in phoenix and grandpa Emerson lived in California but the Emerson's are a very close family they definitely would have travelled. Why would Lucy not visit her father in (minimum) 18 years.

2. Lucy's husband was confirmed to be financially abusive and nothing ever came of it

3. Why did they cut the scenes when Grandpa Emerson confirms / implies he's a retired vampire hunter if they were just going to confirm it offhandedly in the comics and later movies it was the entire point of the plot.

3. Max clearly thought grandpa Emerson was having Michael move to town to hunt them. it's heavily implied by what Star and David say in the first half of the film. The whole mother for my kids thing doesn't make sense because the only kids are Sam and the Frogs (and Laddie I guess but max isn't interested in him lol do they even have a scene together) and was clearly a lot twist added later

4. Why didn't the Frogs tell Sam they knew his grandpa when we know they were trading Oreos and beer with Grandpa Emerson for the pot their parents wanted. He states several time he refuses to go into town.

5. Who taught grandpa Emerson to identify vamps on sight is he just so high he vibes them out or what?

6. Why did Michael become the head of the house when he moved in if he wasn't taking up the role of head hunter

7. Michael not wanting to hunt more vamps makes sense but Edgar becoming the head hunter instead of Sam in the later movies and comics doesn't make sense until after the Second film when he has to fight Sam.

8. How did star go so long without eating someone? You really expect me to believe the power of motherhood stopped her chowing down on a bunch of drunk surfers.

9. The vamps in the 80s movie sparkle but do the ones in the later movies.

10. Why didn't we get a solo grandpa Emerson movie about him hunting the head vampire he was "dating" the entire first film

11. Is Marko dead because he was upsidedown when they stabbed him wouldn't his heart and organs have moved

12. Who is paying for Edgar and Alan to have all those high tech gadgets? They lost the comic shop, got cut off by the Emerson family and the trailer they own is owned by the bank the bank just can't get them out of it to repo the land it's on so whos paying for all the weapons we only see him modify crossbows

13. Did star and Michael get the reward money from returning Laddie. Did they stay in touch. How did they explain how they found him to the cops.

14. Why is every movie set in Santa Carla like that's enough vampire attacks now lol someone's going to get suspicious

15. Edgar claims that he and Alan saved the president from being attacked by vampires. How would you even bring that up like yeah we have a vampire problem in the white house and also why did they call Edgar specifically. Did the president not have other options?

16. Im pretty sure storm drains have people that clear them out now and then. What happens when they find Alan and his weird taxidermy collection in the drains

17. Did grandpa Emerson teach Alan a out taxidermy? Was it because Alan kept offering to stab people? Was her worried so he was like here just stab these dead animals?

18. How did the Emerson family lose grandpa Emersons house that he supposedly built himself because in the later films the only houses the Emerson's have is the one Star and Michael own out of state and the boat house. What happened to it because it wasn't destroyed completely in the first film did they just abandon it

19. Edgar is supposedly the best hunter in the world but he lost vampire Sam for almost a year. Like Sam wasn't hiding he was hunting Edgar so he was in town and just chilling

20. Edgar stating that he and Alan were cut off from the Emerson family after Sam's death makes no sense because 1 they would have known Edgar would have tried to save him 2. They thought of each other as brothers so they would have seen how upset he was 3 it's implied that Edgar is known by Emerson aunts and uncles the frogs are part of their family there's no way they would have just cut them off. I don't believe it.

21. Lucy telling Michael that is he got a girl pregnant while doing drugs that it was fine as long as he told her and that they would move them both into the Emerson house of peak Lucy humour. The way Michael is just 🧍while trying not to set on fire in the sun the whole time.

22. Does the duffer brothers recreating scenes from the lost boys in stranger things and having Steve and robin dress up as the Frogs mean the TV show and new movie we were hinted to be getting aren't coming out in 2025 anymore. How has no one from Joel's estate sued them or netflix yet did they get permission are they going to take over the franchise

23. Why did the frogs never leave Santa Carla if they hated it so much

24. Why did Edgar go into surfboard repairs

25. Why doesn't Edgar just hire and train a bunch of people to be hunters with him now he's the head hunter (last hunter standing I guess)

7 notes · View notes

anti-dazai-blog · 2 years ago

Note

Howdy! I've got a couple anon asks on my blog telling me to report and/or block you so I decided to finally check you out!

I'm absolutely in love with Dazai (I also really like the actual author's works! I hope I can save up some money to bulk buy his books sometime in the near future :)) and I was really curious when I saw your username.

I personally don't really identify, I guess?, with your way of thinking?? Does this make sense to you???? But I feel some sort of kinship because I HATE Chuuya in a way that I feel is similar to how you "hate" Dazai. I don't act hate him, that's very strong and also these guys are fictional (despite the namesakes and abilities that are modeled after real authors, many of whom I greatly enjoy!) and from what I've seen you're not spreading any negativity???

I also hate Dazai x Chuuya (I can't even remember the ship name lol) mostly because of Chuu-Chuu and because although I've enjoyed their dynamic/trope in other ships, this one just infuriates me and disagrees with my general vibe-ology I suppose lol, so all this to say, I see no reason to block or report you. I'm sorry you have to deal with so many people that lack basic reading comprehension and critical thinking.

I wrote all this on anon because I want to avoid having too much drama on my blogs, but I hope this doesn't cause a shitstorm for you, particularly because of the shipping part... I really love bsd but god sometimes the fanbase makes it hard to enjoy, as I'm very fandom-oriented. If you'd ever reply to an ask off-anon privately I'd love to send you some salutations by name :)

I hope you're well! And sorry for this admittedly strange ask.. I have been getting asks like I mentioned about you for quite some time now XD I'm glad to find that this blog is actually chill and fun instead of whatever the hell people who don't read think it is.

Stay safe!

Oh wow that’s a lot

I really wanna put all of this behind me, but the asks you got were from an well-known account that’s run by an obsessive Dazai fan who has been harassing countless bsd accounts for months now. If you scroll through my blog you should find stuff from her. (I don’t wanna get into detail here, but please dm me because there’s some stuff I wanna ask about this privately)

—yeah, I get it entirely— everything you said about Chuuya (although I do like him, I just don’t understand why he’s as popular as he is), and about the ship of Dazai x Chuuya (which I too don’t ship, although I enjoy their dynamic/banter occasionally). I’m not very active in any internet fandom, and bsd is the biggest fandom I’ve ever “participated” in, so I assumed it was just one of the many fandom things I don’t fully get. So it’s nice to see I’m not the only one who’s lost on why the fandom is the way it is.

This may be a weird thing to ask, but if possible (and if it fits with your blog aesthetic), could you maybe post something telling people to ignore the account sending asks saying to report me? If she sent that stuff to one account, I guarantee she sent it to 50 others. Again, I know that that’s a pretty big thing to ask from someone, especially since you don’t know me. So no pressure, I just don’t want my account taken down or something.

Anyway. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I really really appreciate it.

#I know this isn’t the best response I’ve given to an ask #Just #it’s just not every day you find out there’s a shmear campaign against you #And this may come as a shock to you. But.#I’m not entirely comfortable with this information.#Anti-Dazai asks

5 notes · View notes

survey--s · 1 year ago

Text

584.

1. Can you remember what you were doing at 8:15 this morning? Finishing my coffee and/or getting sorted for work.

2. In your phone’s contacts, who is the first person listed under the letter ‘R’? When did you last see that person? Rachel, though I haven't seen her in over a year. I used to walk her dog but she moved months ago and I just never deleted her number.

3. If someone is sticking their nose into your business where it isn’t wanted, how would you deal with that? Would you say something to them? It depends what they're saying and why. I'd either awkwardly change the subject or tell them butt out lol.

4. What did you have for lunch today? Or, if you haven’t had lunch yet, what do you think you will have? Ramen, crackers with pate and a chocolate bar lol. I'm just trying to get through what we have in the cupboards to try and save a bit of money.

5. Is there someone you desperately want to see/speak to atm, but you can’t? Nah, I'm good.

6. Do you and your significant other have a special song? What is it? I guess so. Truly, Madly, Deeply by Savage Garden.

7. If you HAD to sing something on karaoke, what song would you choose? I have no idea, something fun. Maybe Mr Brightside?

8. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? About ten days ago when I was due my period.

9. What time is it now? Are you tired? 4.04pm and no, not particularly. It's been a really chilled day.

10. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? I don't reapply it unless it's a really long day and I'm going somewhere special, which isn't very often lol. Most days I don't wear any.

11. What if you found the last person you kissed, in bed with the last person you texted? Seeing as they're uncle/niece then that would be pretty fucking disturbing lol.

12. The last person you held hands with - have you ever kissed them? Yes.

13. Can you remember what your parents bought you for Christmas last year? My mum paid for a 2hr beach ride and a riding hat. My dad gave me money which was supposed to pay for a year of riding lessons but then my instructor quit so now it's sat in my bank account lol.

14. Think about the person you fell hardest for. Why do you think your feelings for this person were so strong? How is he/she different compared to everyone else you’ve had feelings for? We just clicked, I guess.

30. Have you ever caught your friend cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend? If you have, what did you do about it? If you haven’t, what do you think you would do? Yeah, and I didn't do anything. It's not my business.

31. When your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else? I was single for about two months after we broke up.

32. Has any of your friends ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend that you found attractive, and you would secretly have liked to have for yourself? Attractive, yeah, but I wouldn't have ever thought about dating them.

33. How many guys do you know named Matthew? One, my friends' husband.

34. Think about the last person that made you cry. Would that person be there for you if you needed help? Yes, he would be.

35. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to sleep last night? Do you remember what you talked about? Mike and no, not really. Probably just the dog or something?

36. Has someone of the opposite sex made you cry at any point during the last 24 hours? Nope.

37. Is there anything you would like to say to your most recent ex? I'm good.

38. If your friends are sexually active but you aren’t, does that bother you? Have you ever felt pressured to have sex before you were ready, because your friends had done it? I really don't give a shit about other people's sex lives.

39. In your opinion, what is the difference between having a crush and being in love? Have your own experiences helped you to realise that there is a difference? Ugh.

40. Did the last person you hugged have any of these letters in their name: T, R, K, P, J? In their last name, yeah.

41. What’s the most unhealthy thing you’ve eaten in the last 24 hours? A whole bag of white chocolate covered raspberries.

42. What was the last compliment you received from someone of the opposite sex? I can't remember off the top of my head.

43. Who did you last say ‘I love you’ to? What colour are that person’s eyes? Mike, blue/grey.

44. If you took away the first and third letters of your name, what would you then be called? Ia.

45. Name 7 things that make you happy: Well I think the second part of this question is obvious – it’d make me less happy, so here are seven things at random: - animals, sunshine, a good night's sleep, the ocean, horse-riding, food and family.

46. Think about your Facebook profile photo. What kind of assumptions do you think a stranger might make about you, from seeing that photograph? Would any of these assumptions be correct? They'd assume I have a black cat. They'd be kind of correct but the one in my profile picture has died now. We do have two (soon to be three) more black cats though, plus a ginger kitten.

47. You buy a bar of chocolate, but you decide that you don’t want to eat it now, and put it in the fridge. When you go back later, half of it’s gone - someone else has started eating it! Who are you most likely to blame? The only other person is Mike lol. He wouldn't dare to eat my chocolate without asking hahah.

48. Choose 5 friends, and talk briefly about each person’s longest/most serious relationship. Who was the relationship with, and how long did it last? Nahhh. That sounds like too much effort lol.

49. Do you think it’s wrong for someone to commit themselves to a long-term relationship at a young age? Explain. People can do whatever they want.

50. Is there something happening in the near future, that you’re looking forward to? Having two weeks off work lol. I'm also puppy-sitting on Friday afternoon which is always fun!

#survey #surveys

0 notes

hopeluna-archived · 2 years ago

Note

Oh thank youu so much ^^

My request:

May i request the demon bro's (+side charac except luke) reacting to them walking on reader changing

If you don't feel comfortoble with that heres an another one!^^

Second request:

A Reader who is can turn into a Sheep, How would the demon brothers react?

(+side characters)

(I did this at 3:16 AM lol)

Obey Me! Characters reacting to them walking on MC changing

Obey Me! Brothers x GN!reader

Warnings: my bad grammar, suggestive, I'm sleep deprived don't judge me

Genre: crack

A/N: I'm gonna post the side characters in another post and I might do the second request, not really sure yet but yeah this turned out way longer that I thought it would but Enjoy!!

The side characters

M.list

Lucifer

The brothers were once again on his last fucking nerve

Lets be honest, when are they not? But today was just a particualrly annoying day for the demon

What better way to de-stress than spending some time with his favourite human?

Rip MC's legs

Anyway, he's making his way to your room, mumbling under his breath about how he is gonna wring Mammon's neck.

He always knocks. He's proper. But this time it kinda slipped his mind and he just walked right in

Didn't even notice you were changing at first

So you're just standing there half naked like wha-

The moment he looks up at you, realizes you're naked, he closes that door so fast

Cause no, he can't have you seeing him flustered, his pride won't let him

After a few moments, cue slow opening door

This time Lucifer comes in with that smirk

"MC might I suggest locking the door from now on? Wouldn't want anyone else seeing you like this, would you now darling?"

Once again rip, i'll pray for you

Mammon

Now, he never knocks...like ever.

Why should he? The Great Mammon should be welcomed to see his human whenever he wants

So there he goes, happily running to your room to tell you about his plan on how he'll steal the money from the Demon Lord's castle and be rich forever

You know? Everyday stuff

You're just minding your own thing, changing, chilling

And in bursts this stupid fucking idiot that you love unfortunately cause you're a moronsexual

The second he sees you, he's screaming

And now you're screaming

He's screaming more

You scream louder, for some reason?

Now who hears this? Everyone

And now who else is bursting into your room cause of the screams? You guessed it! Everyone

Lucifer is annoyed, Levi is LOLOLOL- ing, Satan is rolling his eyes, Asmo is squealing cause someone is naked, Beel's covering his eyes while carrying Belphie

All while you're still there half naked

Mammon finally comes to his tsundere senses

"OI EVERYONE GET OUT! ASMO GET AWAY FROM MC"

Once everyone leaves, Mammon is at it again

"YOU CAN'T JUST CHANGE IN A PLACE LIKE THIS, HUMAN"

"I'M IN MY ROOM"

Leviathan

This ain't happening cause he never getting outta that room

Okay okay lets say, he is going to your room to show either his new Ruri chan figurines or to tell you the plot of "I work in a small cozy bakery and I get this customer who is really handsome and mysterious and I nearly get mugged but that handsome mysterious starnger saves me and in a shocking plot twist I accidentally find out he is a vampire, now i'm stuck between a vampire and human war"

That got out of hand

Anyway, Levi is naruto running through the hallways to your room cause the more he stays outside, there is a higher risk of encountering normies

So he's excited as hell (pun intended), so he just forgets that there is something called knocking

Here he comes, bursting into your room like a great beacon of anime

And you're there.....in your underwear changing

The great beacon of anime pauses

The great beacon of anime dies

No, he literally gets a nosebleeds, screeches like a banshee, falls unconsious on the floor

Now you're panicking, thinking he's dead

So you quickly put on some clothes, crouch down to check on Levi

He wakes up, sees your face so close to him, faints

He didn't come out of his room for a month after that

Satan

Now he knocks always cause that is just decent manner

He was just too excited this time that he forgot

You can't blame him, he read a really interesting book and the first thing he thought was to tell you about it

He also a really cute cat today!

A CAT!!

He has every reason to be bursting with excitement

And so he enters you room

Looking down at his book

Begining to talk about it-

He looks up

He freezes

For a second though, cause as soon as it registers to him that you're half naked, he whips around so fast-

Of course he'll keep his back turned to you while you quickly put on some clothes

We stan gentleman Satan in this blog

Once you announce that you've changed, he just casually turns around, clears his throat, and starts talking his book

Acts like that didn't happen

Satan on the outside: calm, quiet, talking softly about books and cats

Satan on the inside: fuck fuck fuck fuck

But there will be a light coat of blush spread on his cheeks the entire time

Always knocks every time from now

Asmodeus

Asmo: knocking? Whats that? Never heard of it

He has, he is just a little shit

So he's skipping to your room, lastest Devildom magazines in his hand

He just wanted to show you his photos there

I mean who wouldn't be happy to see pictures of the fabulous moi ♥︎♥︎

Walks right in the room

Squeals in a really high pitched voice

Rip eardrums

"MC I LOVE THAT NEW UNDERWEAR YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL"

Falls glamourously in your bed and stars planning on how you should go shopping together next time so that you could have matching outfits

While you're just there trying to cover yourself up, he pouts at that obviously

"MC its not like I haven't seen you already"

If you're already in a relationship, cool

If you're not, sir what- 😃

Get a restraining order

Beelzebub

*sigh* sweet sweet Beel

The most sanest out of them all

Luke and Barbatos had just dropped off some cupcakes and other sweet treats they had made

Beel was over the moon

He just wanted to share it with you, so there he goes, on the way to your room

Food in his arms, frosting covering his chin adorably from already having eaten half the food

He couldn't help it

I would say Beel does knock before entering but he just sometimes forgets when he is too distracted with food

This was one of those times

So he goes in, chewing on some food

And poor you were there changing, your back turned to the door

As soon as he saw that you were lacking some clothes

He choked

He blushed a bright red, immediately turning away

As he waited for you to put something on, he just stuttered out a apology

He feel really bad

After you tell him its okay, he just goes to offer food to you with a blush on his cheeks

He's such a sweetheart

God bless Beel

Wait no-

Belphegor

Honestly

HONESTLY

I don't think he even cares that much

He was just heading to your room to take a nap with you cause you're his favourite cuddle buddy next to Beel, who was busy eating away every food in some restaurant and giving them a crisis

He's too tired to knock, why bother right?

So he just gets in your bed, pulls you down with him, cuddles you and goes to sleep

You're now trapped in his arms forever

If you get flustered about it, his inner little shit comes out

And he takes that chance to tease you

Tease you ENDLESSLY

But yeah he doesn't care much

Though you should start caring, cause now you're trapped in his arms for Diavolo knows how long

Good luck MC

─────────────

Tags: @jaidenisasimp

Comments and reblogs are appreciated!! Do not repost or claim as yours though, its not cool.

2K notes · View notes

diedbutterflies69 · 3 years ago

Text

Will you stay?- Bang Chan imagine.

Contains: friends to lovers au. , Divorce, smut, fluff, blindfolding, oral sex, explicit sexual stuff etc . Minors don't interact.

Never once on your life, you thought you could get your shit together and laugh genuinely at the worst in world. falling out of love is worse but it's even more worse if it's your it's not you who fell out of love. Married at 22 and the honeymoon phase hardly lasted for a year and by the age of 26 got yourself labelled as a woman who sabotaged her own marriage in thirst of money. Your ex husband was bitter about your success even before you got married. He thought as a woman, you just did bare minimum and got yourself a high positioned rank by sleeping with one of the rich rags. You tried hard enough to hold on to that rotten red string , but he had the scissors and just cut you off. You weren't willing to sacrifice your career just because of his Immature mindset, yes you loved him, but can't a women love her own hard achieved success more? That's the question you wished to ask everyone who pointed there fingers at you. After divorce you didn't feel pain just numbness. Your self-hatred coming more stronger than ever, even hating the job, you tried Saving since years, getting life on track seemed impossible and at the end just quitted. Moved out of the city just to move back to your home town, the root of your real pain. It wasn't really a town but rather a more flashy city, expensive shits which you were unable to afford in childhood but now it wasn't any big deal. Earth is round and sometimes precious people find you all by themselves. Your highschool friend, the only friend you had throughout your lifetime because of your anti social tactics.

Bang Chan, the social butterfly who almost knew every single student in whole school, he was the hottest guy you ever saw in your life and also the kindest. You had crush on him even before you both were friends, he was your senior,used to help you with those shitty math sums, crack jokes every now and then and scolded you whenever you procrastinated. He came to congratulate you even on your graduation day, even though there were many more students whom he met you were still glad atleast someone bought you a beautiful bouquet of tulips and bellflower. The last time you saw him was before you moved out in search of cheap collages without informing him, as you thought you were just one of many friends he had and won't ever notice someone like you existed.

But god, how much wrong you were.

You met Chan after almost 9 years in convince store and his reaction was almost priceless , like finding treasure. He was now more handsome, beautiful and god-like even after all this years his style of dressing didn't Changed much, he still looked like Kim Kardashian at 2021 met Gala. nevertheless his smile still had those healing properties with his Cresent moon eyes. He was absolutely stunning.

The first sentence he spoke after confirming your identity was 'I missed you' and then tons of lectures and questions . Knowing how narrow-minded you were he gasped dramatically. Cheesiest ways of saying how could I forget my best friend and so on. That day was probably the best day of your life and maybe even the day after years you really smiled. You both exchanged numbers and addresses and his home was just 10 minutes away from yours. Destiny indeed.

Now it's been over 7 months since you met Chan again and he never made you felt like you were just one of his 109 friends. Chan made you feel special, after knowing what kind of disaster you faced he was even more supporting of you, you both used to spend weekend together watching variety of shows and movies going to stargazing, best friend goals. After many years you knew even if Chan had many people to confide with he never really did. He was alone, just a night owl obsessed with work. You were happy. And he was happy too. Being just friends was enough for you, but not for him . He was slowly trying to find courage to confess his love to you. He liked you fuck from highschool days. He found you once randomly staring at him across the room and when you suddenly disappeared all his fantasies were scattered, he knew your dreams and was willing to help you with your every step. knowing how messed up your household was from your neighbours he felt guilty for not being able to give you happiness. He loved you, but was helded by his own insecurities.

Not anymore though, he wasn't the same coward who just stared at the love of his life from distance. Being the extra human he was, he bought you one of the most expensive restaurant of the whole country, man was loaded. After driving for almost 5 hours you both finally reached there .

Now a nervous Chan sitting infront of you. You being oblivious to the fact that he has a beautiful diamond ring and a confession to make. Chan handed you the menu card and every single dish had an extraordinary name, without much thought you placed the order.

"atleast tell me now, why are we here?" You asked the man infront of you who was behaving extra weird today, he looked sick and was occassionally asking you random questions.

"No reason, I was in mood for long drives and... You know have a nice meal" Chan said fidgeting with his fingers he was acting like a flustered high school guy it was clearly indicating that he was lying but you didn't really care, Chan was weird sometimes.

"Sounds fake, but okay. By the way you aren't sick right?" You asked Chan out of pure concern as he was sweating profusely even in an cold AC room.

"I am fine, just feeling a little hot. Don't worry", Chan said it was more like he was convincing himself that he was fine and shouldn't worry. He wasn't a teenager but a human with responsibilities who once again fell for someone out of his league, he used to think that and he still sees you as a literal goddess. While he was lost deep in his thoughts, the waiter came with food , and this was his opportunity to shoot his arrow. You both started eating and talked like being in paradise.

"did you liked anyone in highschool?", Chan asked you out of blue making you almost choke on food. The only person whom you liked throughout your highschool days was the guy sitting infront of you and you didn't really remembered much guys and the best answer was probably saying a lie with little truth.

"no one lol", you answered trying to sound chilled but since highschool crush topic was out you weren't able to keep your curiosity with yourself.

"What about you, liked someone?", You asked trying to sound nonchalant and not desperate and bitter.

This was the Exactly the conversation that Chan planned in his mind. And here started his way to either heaven or pit of rejection.

"I loved someone", Chan said and you this time you really choked from the depth of your heart, you thought Chan was anti romantic type of guy as he never talked about of his female friends with you or bragged about his non existent dating life. Trying again to not sound jealous or bitter you spoke again.

" Who was that lucky bit-- I mean girl yes girl? Who was she?", You asked, almost letting out the bitch loudly. You weren't sure but you saw Chan smiling cheekily, he was really getting old acting weird more and more everyday.

"Well... Someone from our school",Chan said and you swear you didn't made a disgusting face showing pure jealousy. The best human in your life and your first ever crush had crush on somebody, you didn't knew why you were feeling so fucking bitter but you weren't able to handle the curiosity anymore.

"Tell me her damn name", you asked Chan in a frustrating tone not being able to keep jealousy to yourself.

"Why you being angry", Chan asked followed by his small laugh.

"I am angry, just the food was a little spicy you answer me now, her name?", You answered Chan with your defenses up and still sticking with your previous question.

Chan in response got a little serious now,you thought he was being childish now, he wasn't a kid who was given a dare to name out his crush yet he was acting like one.

"You won't leave me right, I mean after I answer your question?", Chan asked you and you didn't knew what to say in response you were now a little sus about him.

"fine don't answer, keep secrets", you said and continued eating. The next thing Chan said made you now choke and die on food.

"I loved you and I still love you" Chan said looking down at the table head hanging down like his teenage self just confessed he watched porn infront of his parents. You were shocked, frozen and the your heartbeat 10x faster, you didn't knew how to react and tried to find humor in this extraordinary situation.

"Chan, you kidding right?", You asked Chan with a nervous smile on your face. Chan looked up at you , his eyes trying to find yours but you avoided the eye contact.

"I am serious, I liked you from HighSchool times, I saw you for the first time in library when you were looking at me, I swear you were so beautiful and even now after all this years after seeing you I can't, I can't help but fall for you all over again, sorry"

Chan confessed, his voice filled with sincerity and vulnerability his sentences were scattered here and there and incomplete explanation but still you understood everything he really poured his heart to you, you felt like crying even if you both weren't such stupid cowards back then, then today you won't have turned out a divorced women and Chan a guy who grew out lonely even if he had a world for him.

"What should I say Chan?", You asked Chan you were sounding like a girl whose bf told her to breakup even if the situation was exact opposite. Even if you love Chan , you didn't think about him reciprocating same feelings back to you. You were beyond insecure with your love emotions. One thing was sure you won't be able to love Chan without being a bundle on him. Your emotion Baggage was too big and you didn't want Chan to get his heart too with your stupid emotions.

"I love you and I will be really really good to you. Please try staying with me I will try really hard to earn space in your heart, please?" His confession was like literally begging. You weren't able to believe if he was real or not, if it was a dream that will end as soon as cruel morning comes, this felt like fantasy. Chan was a amazing man, he had everything money ,honour ,beauty a nice heart. He was like a character written by women so perfect so delicate yet strong, and he loves you this fact was enough for to lose your mind. but you thought you were a taint to his beauty, you were a character full of inferior complexes and a person too easy to dislike thats what illusion you made about yourself. A random extra in her own story.

"I will pay the bill, let's talk later", you said and walked away immediately to pay the bill leaving a clueless and disheartened human behind. Chan was able to see how you stopped yourself from saying love you too and throwing yourself in his arms. He wasn't same from HighSchool a guy who gets overwhelmed by his own emotions and gets unable to see others. He knew you had atleast a small space for him in your heart and to make a big room for himself he had to throw out all your insecurities and self hatred. He followed you like a lost puppy and he wanted to pay for food but you already did and now you were already out of restaurant searching for his car to get back.

Chan sitted beside you, without doing anything silence and awkward air surrounding you both.

"start the car", you said breaking down the silence, you were extremely worthless and trash as you made the only one person whom you love feel like nothing.

"Just answer me, will you try dating me please", Chan said his voice again passing draggers into your heart. Trying to form any logical explanation you spoke again.

"I am not looking for relationship right now, see Chan you are amazing, but I can't make you happy now and did you forgot that I am divorced, please understand" you said expressing your real insecurities and fear, fear of not being able to keep a man happy.

"you don't want relationship because you divorced that fucking trash of a man?", Chan asked he was getting frustrated you thought but he just wanted to make you happy and not deny what your heart wants.

"my mind isn't stable, I might just irritate you everytime with my mood, you will will get tired of me and leave me -- I don't want to be alone again I will die if you leave me", you confessed tears threatening to fall out of your eyes there wasn't any doubt that you loved Chan he filled the void in you in just months made you happy but you didn't wanted to just take and take and give nothing in return. Chan's hand found yours interlocking your fingers with so much delicateness that you might cry.

"you think so low of me, just stay by my side I will make you so happy that you will hardly get time to think about your past, trust me", Chan said his fingers slightly lifting your chin up to look into your eyes, you looked in his eyes filled with so much care and this was your last straw before breaking down in his arms.

"I love you, I love you so fuckin much, you were my first love my only friend, my everything, please-- please love me", you confessed tightening your arms around Chan, his scent making you feel safe and like home, his one caressing your hair and other wiping away the tears. Even though the scene was more like a dramatic clique scene whatever emotions you both felt was unexplainable.

"So you my girlfriend now hmm?"Chan asked you for first time in night his voice containing pure happiness and excitement.

"I have a sexy boyfriend", you said smiling from ear to ear against Chan's chest. The label boyfriend making your heart flutter, you didn't knew happiness like this can even exist.

"My love", Chan said his voice sweeter than honey, suddenly the night was more starry."now can we go home?" You asked Chan finally breaking the hug, reality hitted you now Home was 3- 4 hours away.

"I made a reservation in hotel, we gonna spend night there", Chan casually said making your heart jump out of your chest.

"pervert, you planned everything seriously", you said dramatically and giving him a playful digusting look.

"I booked two rooms", Chan said now starting the engine making you feel embarrassed. "Who is pervert now~" Chan said in air teasing you more.

The rest of the ride you both talked about anything and everything. Confessing how you used to find ways to always be in each others vision etc. Both of you finding a new thirsty side of each other. Nothing felt uncomfortable, it was happiness those inhumane laughs crazy tricks you both used to pull everything was heaven. After some time you both reached infront of a gaint hotel , it looked expensive af but regardless Chan knew how to waste money and you were tired of lecturing him about savings.

"let's go", Chan said removing your seatbelt and getting out of car to open the door for ya. He was being so cheesy gentleman and you were enjoying every minute.

"room 42 and 43" Chan said to the receptionist and she handed two keys to him. Thanking her then getting on elevator, you were a little disappointed that you weren't sharing room with Chan, yes you were pervert and total simp for Chan, he was too hot and your sexual drive was getting higher each passing second. The elevator doors opened and you got off. Chan handed you the room key and softly kissed your forehead, both you wished it was your lips.

"if you want anything, just knock okay?" Chan said in his lovely tone, I want you you internally screamed, nevertheless you gave him a nod and got inside that expensive room .

Starring at the ceiling while lying on the bed your mind was full of Chan, you knew he wasn't probably sleeping and was wasting time in watching random shit on internet and you were hungry, hungry for Chan, it wasn't your fault that Chan was so hot. Trying to fall asleep and fidgeting here to there you finally decided to knock on Chan's room door. A danger zone. You noticed how the door flunged open in less than few seconds.

"Hi" you said scratching back of your head and trying to think what next to say.

"Hi..?"Chan said being confused.

"there is cockroach in my room, let me stay with you" you said a clear white lie. Taking impulsive action were never good for you.Chan sighed before opening the door fully and signalling you to come. This was your happiest day ever.

"whY you lying", Chan asked you as you plopped yourself on sofa besides bed. He asked the sentence in a sarcastic way.

"Do you you wanna kiss me?", You asked Chan with a straight serious face catching him off-guard, you didn't wanted to waste more time, you wanted to do everything with Chan, yes fucking on first day of dating was a little too early but you fantasized about this gorgeous man since ages, in your eyes he looked total dom but his reaction to your question was making you doubt your thoughts.

"Are you sure", Chan asked you clearing his throat.

"Are you virgin?"you asked Chan, he was being too nervous.

"Obviously not"Chan answered you in duh tone, rolling his eyes. And it was getting awkward.

"The cockroach must have gone by now I should go, bye", you blabbered and got up ready to leave, you were about to open the door but Chan grabbed your hand and before you knew anything his hands were on your cheeks cupping them softly and his lips so close to yours, Chan's eyes were looking straight in your orbs , your heartbeat stronger than ever.

"Can I?", Chan asked your consent his thumb softly brushing against your lower lip. This man had totally made you insane, something stirred inside you. Chan was perfect he was everything you wished. You gave him a small nod and slowly his lips touched against yours, you wanted to cry, his lips felt so good, he didn't rushed his movements everything was happening in slow motion, he holded you with such a vulnerability like he was afraid that you will go, your hand reached his head, fingers moving through his soft locks. You felt his tongue inside your mouth , you felt a electricity run down your body when the kiss deepened.

We kiss again. The next kiss is the kind that breaks open the sky. It steals my breath and gives it back. It shows me that every other kiss I’ve had in my life has been wrong.

Breaking the kiss Reluctantly in need of air, Chan rested his forehead against yours. He was hot almost like burning, sweating.

"Why are you so nervous, Chan?", You asked Chan hugging him tightly clinging like the last leaf to the tree.

"I am scared, I just love you", He said engulfing you in his arms. And you Finally felt, what real love feels like.

"Love you too", you replied softly.

"Do you wanna continue..?"Chan asked you his tone little less scared.

"Off course", you said looking at him with smile, something inside you told it was okay to let out your freaky side infront of Chan. Chan smiled back and suddenly turned you around , the large bed infront of you.

"Lie down there",Chan whispered in your ears , his low register sending shivers down your spine. This was exactly how you pictured Chan to be, your inner submissive almost died. You followed Chan's word and laid on your back on the bed, now you were feeling like a virgin. His eyes roaming through the room in search of something.

"Are you okay with being blindfolded?", Chan asked you as he came back with the tie he wore today and was rolling it slightly in his palms, and you swear you never saw a man so hot in your entire life. Getting blindfolded was one of your unfulfilled kinks.

"ye- yes", you replied your tone filled with thrill and excitement. Chan came back to you standing near you, his hand softly cupped your cheeks , before bringing the tie to use it in sinistrous way tonight. The cloth felt strange to your eyes, his cologne smell hitting you and Chan caught your shy smile, His heart felt so fluffy. Tieing a comfortable knot Chan sat on bed near your waist. His hands slowly crept near your stomach leaving a direct lingering touch on the sensitive skin, eventually going upwards while giving a little squeeze to add stimulation, his hands reached your boobs, you didn't wore bra, and he wasn't surprised maybe your nipples perked up enough to get noticed, his middle and index finger Rolling your sensitive bundle of nerves, the blindfold making his every touch more intense, your breath was heavy you let out a suprised moan when Chan gropped your right boob in an erotic way, this sole action increasing your wetness down there you were getting impatient. You moaned his name a little loudly when his lips came in contact with your sensitive neck, sucking in a painful way, inorder to leave a hickey.

"Should I touch you here", Chan asked you as his hand reached to your area where you needed him to the most, hands going directly inside your panties ,but not touching he was a teaser.

"yes please", you moaned almost breathlessly too tired of intense foreplay. You just wanted Chan to rip off your clothes and fuck you till sunrise. Getting satisfaction with your answer Chan finally removed every clothing of your lower body, leaving you completely bare, all at his mercy. His finger moved up and down on your opening , the wetness making Chan easily slip his one finger deep inside you.

" my baby is so wet, because of who?", Chan asked you as his finger was moving slowly inside of you and thumb rubbing circles on the bundle of nerves.

"because of.. you", you admitted without any hesitation trying to grind yourself on his hand, begging for more.

"Good", Chan said and without saying anything he added another finger inside you moving a little faster inside your cunt, rubbing your walls with a little pressure, scissoring them inside you painfully and making way for a third finger too and by then you were a complete moaning mess, his fingers were pleasure yet torture the blindfold making your senses weak. Mind full of whatever Cham was giving you. Your legs were shaking sign of your orgasm approaching you, by one hand Chan holded your thighs tightly to their place fingers now moving more faster to make you reach the peak of pleasure.

"Chan.. I--I-I-- wanna cum please", you moaned your little squeaks and begs almost making Chan's cock cum right inside boxers. With some final thrust of his fingers, you cummed the hardest you could imagine, squeaky sounds coming as Chan was fingering you through your orgasm, you almost crying from overstimulation. Moaning his name like a chant.

"you did well",Chan praised you finally removing his fingers from you leaving you empty, but it won't have last wrong. Chan removed your blindfold , the bright lights hurting your eyes, you adjusted your vision and the image of Chan sucking his wet fingers coated with your liquid came directly in front of your eyes. Letting out a helpless whine.

Chan plopped himself on knees on either side of your thighs, finally letting his cock out, leaking with precum, and he was big, thick , you didn't thought he could get even hotter.

"Ready baby?", Chan asked you as he fully undressed himself as well as removing your top, your mind hazey . The scene which you pictured since highschool finally happening.

"yes", you replied Chan, he came down to kiss you passionately and slowly entering inside you. You moaned painfully, tears pulling your vision, it was a painful pleasure. Chan kissed away your tears and hand interlocking with yours after finally being fully inside you he started to move at slow pace.

"you feel so good Chan", almost screaming from pleasure, your whines were fuel to Chan's ego and he increased the pace. Body slapping sound filling the room, his groans were most sexy thing you ever heard. Again and again his tip hitting your deepest spots.

"I am close", you moaned out breathlessly, pleasure becaming too much to handle .you released around his cock, reaching the peak second time at night.

After giving a few more thrusts Chan cummed at your stomach, he was still sane enough to not curse you with kids while being lost in pleasure."I love you", he said as he settled beside you hugging you tightly. This was heaven.

"love you too", you said , your voice a little hoarse.

"by the way I forgot that I bought a ring to propose you", Chan said, realisation hitting him, that he forgot to say the long ass paragraph that he was supposed to say while sitting on one knee. You smiled at his guilty face.

"don't worry, propose me after having shower", you said heart filled with pure joy and happiness . Happiness of knowing that You love someone who will always love you back.

#skz smut #stray kids #stray kids smut #bangchan smut #skz chan smut #bang chan imagines #chan fluff #bangchan #skz chan x reader

323 notes · View notes

manonblaqkbeak · 3 years ago

Text

Sugar, sugar

(genuinely hate coming up with titles lol)

this is just rowaelin being pining idiots, one of my fave tropes for day 11--delayed love confession

just a note, the lifestyle in this fic is more of a background note and doesnt really take centre stage in this fic. it’s one ive been tempted to write for a while tbh but didnt really get around to it until now

cw: very, very light smut (like barely non existent, but just in case), a lil bit of swearing

enjoy! :)

3k words (officially my longest fic, yay!)

Every thought in Aelin's mind was blank. She trudged through her apartment that she shared with Nehemia, absentmindedly kicking off her heels that Rowan purchased for her months ago. Then the light jacket she wore joined the shoes, the fabric was perfectly soft and perfect for the autumn chill.

It was yet another piece of item that Rowan purchased for her. A lot of the things she had know were thanks to Rowan, either from his own wallet or from the biweekly allowance he sent her—a generous allowance that was a thousand times better than her weekly paycheck from the bookstore she'd been working at since she turned twenty-two; her business degree had turned out to be useless and so she turned to the bookstore that had been her stable job for three years.

Aelin barely touched her weekly wage now, it was practically buried underneath the money the Rowan gave her.

Because Rowan Whitethorn, thirty-five and a successful CEO who was well known, was her sugar daddy. Had been now for fourteen months. But he was more than that, more than just a man that paid her to spend time with him. He respected her, was loyal to her, listened to her and responded with actual sentences instead of a word or two like other men she had dated. He was charming, didn't treat her like she was nothing but arm candy, and she knew him so well, as he knew her, and each fortnight she sometimes forgot their whole arrangement, but she was sharply reminded when she received the notification from her bank that the two and a half thousand dollars that Rowan sent her was now in her savings account.

When she agreed to their arrangement after several get-to-know you dates, Rowan had wanted to give her three and a half grand every week, and gods Aelin had been tempted because she had never had so much money in her life, but told him that it was far too much and negotiated.

Two and a half thousand was the lowest that Rowan was willing to go, and even though Aelin only knew him for two weeks at that point, she could tell that he would not budge, so she agreed to the amount.

The first time that money had landed in her account, Aelin had thought that maybe she had imagined the whole thing, but the money was a sharp reminder of what she know was—a sugar baby. Those words still didn't feel like they applied to her.

And he still spent money on her when they spent time together. Just last week he gifted her with diamond earrings in the shapes of roses with a necklace to match. She wore them tonight, not because he bought them for her but because she genuinely loved the pieces.

Needing something sweet—despite the fact she had only finished her chocolate hazelnut gelato twenty minutes ago—she dug through her fridge and found the brownies that Nehemia had baked the other day. She told herself that she would leave some for her long-time friend, but Aelin really doubted that would happen.

Aelin relished in the cold air of the fridge as she found the new can of whipped cream on the top shelf. The fridge was one of the first things she purchased with the money she was now being gifted with (and after that came a new washer and dryer, a dish-washing machine and television. Almost everything in her apartment was brand new now, the food were actual brands instead of the generic, tasteless shit. She had bras that fit her properly and were so damned comfortable that she forgot she was wearing them half the time).

The old fridge was a cheap hunk of junk that she and Nehemia purchased off Facebook marketplace for a hundred dollars, it barely kept things cold, but with expensive rent and bills and general life things, Nehemia and her couldn't afford anything better.

Which was how she ended up in this situation. Picking up more shifts barely gave them anything extra, because the economy right now in Terrasen was shit. Nehemia had made a joke about needing sugar daddies, and Aelin, knowing that Nehemia could never really do such a thing, had decided that maybe it was a good idea.

Nehemia had told Aelin that she was insane for pursuing such a thing, and that she had only been joking, but Aelin was not and that she could handle herself if things went wrong.

Nehemia had told her not to do anything, but Aelin was determined and started her search. It had taken a while to find a website that was genuine and didn't make her feel like she had to scrub her eyes out with bleach.

She created her page in private, because she not only was Nehemia against the idea, but so was Elide and Lysandra—she didn't dare tell Aedion what she was doing. Her cousin could be an overprotective pain in her ass at times, and Aelin was very well aware that if Aedion caught wind of what she was doing, he would have locked her up in her room without any type of device so she couldn't go forward with her plan.

She appreciated their concern, she did, but she was a consenting, tax-paying adult, and if she wanted to use her time to get paid spending time with a rich man, then Aelin was allowed to do exactly that.

It wasn't prostitution, she had looked it up, because it was the sugar babies that had the power and so that was how it went with her and Rowan.

Aelin didn't even have sex with Rowan until it was the sixth month anniversary of her and Rowan's...relationship (and gods, it was the best sex Aelin ever had. Rowan was a generous and completely unselfish lover).

He was the first one she came across on the site and almost drooled down herself when she saw his picture. Silver hair, pine-green eyes, a beautiful tattoo down the length of his left arm and tanned skin, he was stupidly attractive and only ten years old than her.

Aelin messaged him first only after being on the site for ten minutes, deciding that surely he was the best one and that she needn't bother to look at any other candidates.

They hit it off straight away, and after deciding on a restaurant to meet at, Aelin had informed Nehemia of the matter, which she was promptly met with question after question: why can't a thirty-four year old man find someone his own age? Is he one of those men that can't date a woman five minutes older than him because of some stupid made up reason? How do you know for certain that it's him in the picture? What if he's cat-fishing you? What if he's a freak, or a killer? What if he's just pretending to be rich to kidnap you? What if, what if, what if?

And so after a heated discussion, Nehemia had come along on her date-that-wasn't-really-a-date and sat a few tables away from her and Rowan, watching them—especially him—the entire time like a hawk.

Aelin had completely forgotten that her friend was there, so enraptured by Rowan and what he did and how he saw life.

It had been fourteen months of seeing Rowan and genuinely enjoying spending time with him and weeks ago, she realised that she wanted it to be something more. That she had come to care for him, not because of the money, but purely because it was Rowan and he made her feel seen and he wasn't afraid of her, because she had once been told by an ex that she could be too much and that he couldn't handle all her baggage.

Aelin wanted a life with him.

So Aelin told Rowan she loved him when he dropped her off tonight after their dinner and a movie date, telling him how she felt, and he had said thank you. He gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek and went home, leaving behind the pine-and-snow scent of him.

Aelin really wanted to find a hole to crawl into and die.

She was scarfing down her third brownie when Nehemia's bedroom door opened, her friend clad in an old matching pj set, her slippers shuffling across the tile.

“What happened? Are you okay?” her friend asked upon seeing Aelin's guttered look. Her dark brows furrowed. “Did that bastard hurt you? If he did, I'll—”

“He didn't do anything,” Aelin interrupted her friend. Taking the food, Aelin planted herself on the teal blue velvet sofa Rowan gave her for Yulemas last year, ignoring the scent of not just him, but of them both from when he came over after work just the other day with pizza and a DVD that she insisted that she watched because it was too good not to, when they forgot all about the movie as Rowan buried himself inside her, leaving hickeys all over her neck that she had to cover up with thick concealer.

Nehemia joined her on the couch, her friend momentarily forgetting for now that she had walked in on her and Rowan just moments after they finished, muttering under her breath in Eyllwe as she glared at them defiling the couch, and gave her a look that Aelin knew that Nehemia would listen to every word that came out from her.

And when Aelin was done recounting the story, all Nehemia could come up with was, “Oh.”

“Yes, 'oh,'. I've probably fucked up the whole thing. So don't be surprised if I call you on your lunch break tomorrow telling you he's broken things off.”

“Aelin, I don't think he will. I know that I'm not the biggest fan of your...situation—”

“I'm aware,” Aelin said, cutting her friend off. “You still won't let me buy you a new mattress, even though yours is hard as a brick and lumpy as hell. I've told you that you can pay me—”

“Aelin,” Nehemia said, “we're not talking about mattresses right now. As I was saying, I doubt he'll break things off because I've seen the way he looks at you. I still think he's too old for you, but he cares for you. You probably just caught him by surprise.”

“How does he look at me?” Aelin was observant, but sometimes when she was with Rowan, all her observation skills went out the window.

“Like he loves you,” Nehemia said, no hint of doubt in her voice.

Aelin sighed, her feelings slowly starting to crush her. “I guess I'll just have to take your word for it.”

Sighing once more, Aelin put the food back in the fridge, showered and went to bed, forgoing her usual night texting ritual with Rowan.

She really wasn't looking forward to tomorrow.

X X X X X X

Rowan couldn't concentrate, which wasn't a good thing, since his job dealt with having to concentrate all the time. But no matter what mind-focusing techniques he did, he couldn't stop thinking about Aelin.

Couldn't stop thinking about how she said she was in love with him. How her beautiful eyes had been sparkling when she said those words to him. And how the light in them dimmed when he said thank you and kissed her on the cheek, telling her that he would talk to her later. But he hadn't texted her, nor did she.

I love you, Rowan. I'm in love with you.

Thank you. He really couldn't believe that was what he said. Felt like an utter fool and a bastard as he realised he probably crushed her heart. Aelin didn't like being vulnerable, and she had been when she said those words and he had gone and fucked it all up.

Rowan loved Aelin, he did, but he truly wasn't prepared for those words. He loved how on the weekends they would be up at one am, baking chocolate goodies, dancing in the quiet kitchen, humming quietly to Aelin's classical music playlist, with her wearing not the nightgowns that he loved, but one of his old hoodies.

He didn't think that he would get along with her so well once they met, thinking that their online interactions were nothing but a fluke. He was moments away from deleting the profile because he didn't actually create it, but Fenrys had, his friend grumbling that he needed a girlfriend, with Rowan arguing that creating a profile on a sugar daddy site was not dating but probably the opposite, when Aelin messaged him.

His life-long friend didn't listen, much to Rowan's annoyance—but he didn't grab his phone out of his friends hand; Rowan blamed it on the several whiskys he had downed by that point.

Aelin bewitched him on that first meet up. She was intelligent as hell and funny, and creative and beautiful. He was aware of why she was on the date with him, but he didn't care, just as long as he got to see her again.

Fourteen months later and Rowan was still bewitched. He wanted to be with her on a permanent basis, but wasn't completely sure how to take that step.

Clearly, Aelin had taken that step for them, and Rowan was the worlds biggest moron.

I love you, Rowan. I'm in love with you.

Thank you.

Groaning, Rowan turned away from his computer and looked at the skyline, ignoring the buildings to instead watch the puffy clouds drift by.

Aelin loved watching the clouds, loved stargazing, loved questioning about the universe and what the skies held.

He never really paid any of that stuff attention, not until he met her.

Rowan didn't want to lose her, didn't want her to think that he was about to break up with her over this. He had to see her, so he grabbed his keys and wallet, told his secretary to hold his calls for the rest of the day, and went to visit Aelin.

X X X X X X

It had been an usually busy day for a Wednesday and Aelin was glad for her lunch break as she trudged up to the roof of the shopping centre. She wasn't really allowed up here, but she wanted some fresh air and to feel the sun against her skin as she sat down and dug into her lunch—fast food, unfortunately for her, because she was so frazzled from last night that she completely forgot about making a pack lunch.

Rowan hadn't called her, or texted her. Not even an email had been sent her way.

Aelin hated that she felt so damned mopey. She was an independent woman, but gods, even a good morning text would have been fine.

She finished her lunch, popping several mints into her mouth to get rid of the onion taste, when the roof door crashed open and a familiar hulking figure came into view.

He must have spoken to Elide to find her here.

Aelin's brow furrowed. “Rowan, what are you doing here?” Oh gods, surely he wasn't going to break up with her, she still had hours to go; there'd be no way she could work if she had tears in her eyes.

Taking her hands in his, Aelin stood up. She steeled herself against whatever he was going to say.

“I love you, Aelin. I'm in love with you, too,” Rowan said, his eyes soft and full of genuine love. Aelin's heart shot up into her throat. “I want a life with you. I want us to buy a home, one that has warmth and character, and a big garden. I want a dog. And kids too, if you want, I know that you've never mentioned it, but if you don't want any then that is completely fine. I want to support you in whatever endeavors you want to take, and if you ever want to go back to university, then I'll support you, or if you want to find a way to use your business degree, I'll help you with that, too. Whatever you want Aelin, I'll give it to you, as long as you're by my side, I'll be happy.”

Aelin was silent for so long that Rowan thought that maybe he shocked her into silence. But eventually, she smiled, one that was dazzling in its beauty that it took his breath away.

“You love me?”

“I do, Aelin, I love you.”

She kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

Rowan groaned at the amusement in her tone, in her eyes. “You're never going to let me live that down, are you?”

She smirked. “Definitely not. It'll be a nice story to tell our children...one day. For now, I think we should contend with being proper significant others.”

Rowan nodded, smiling. “I like the sound of that.”

“Good, because I need to get back to work, since I'm no longer accepting your allowances. I won't deny the use of your credit card, but other than that, you are no longer my sugar daddy.”

It was Rowan's turned to smirk, and it was the one that made her core clench. “How about I be 'daddy' instead?”

Aelin snorted, even as she clenched around nothing again. Smacking his arm lightly, Aelin kissed him. “Only if you behave,” she said against his lips, “and now I really need to go back to work.”

Rowan walked her back, their fingers laced together, and as she turned to say goodbye, Aelin said, “I'll see you later, daddy.”

Rowan groaned, and it took everything in him not to take her hand and into his car to have his wicked way with her.

By the time he thought of a response, Aelin was already back to work, helping a customer with an impressive stack of books in her arms.

But she knew he was still there, because the way she swayed her hips to the counter was all for him, and when she saw him watching her, Aelin winked, making Rowan's heart flutter in his chest.

He really did love her. And he would live with her teasing him for the rest of his life, just as long as she was with him.

#rowaelin #rowaelinmonth #my work

104 notes · View notes

bonecorn · 3 years ago

Note

I love your anatomy/references posts & I love skulls and skeletons & I would love to know how you convince people to give you their animal heads to clean. Also any bone cleaning tips for suburban areas?? When I was living on a farm it was easy to leave stuff out and let the bugs take care of it but my parents said hard no to dead things bleaching on the porch

Oh this is very easy!

Find a friend or acquaintance with land and leave your stuff there. Bug cleaning and tub maceration don't need a lot of hands-on attendance so you can check in however often you like.

There's also "hot water maceration" where you simmer (dont boil!) fresh heads in hot water and remove the cooked meat by hand. Make sure you scramble the brains first and then cook away inside or with a camping stove on the porch. And "bleaching" which is done with hydrogen peroxide can be done inside since the skulls are already clean by then anyway.

I don't actually convince people to give me their pets. For livestock, I ask because most people aren't emotionally attached to their livestock.

For pets, I wait to be offered the remains. More on that under the cut.

TLDR: Know the pet owner, wait to be offered bodies rather than asking. Make sure they are always in control. Ask for livestock no problem. Don't let scavengers eat euthanized meat.

holy crap lol

I don't ask for pet bodies. The trick is to be very open and excited about what you do so that people who know you know about bones and know that you are respectful of animal remains. Then, when a beloved pet dies, they might think about you.

Open up the conversation on death before it's relevant

You can also plant the seed ahead of time during a conversation about bones while the pet in question is alive and healthy. "Sometimes I do pets if their owner is ok with it, though most want to bury. Have you ever thought about that for Baxter?" It's in SUPER poor taste to do this while an animal is dying, when you'll need to be way more tactful.

Know your friend well enough to guess their feelings on it

It SUPER depends on the person and how they view bodies and death. My ex's dog passed away and he was always queasy about corpses. I comforted him and cried with him while his beloved 15 year old dog declined and passed. I didn't ask or even mention it because I knew him enough to know that he would say no, and that asking would be painful and upsetting for him to think about. Same with my dear friend and her 20 year old cat. She had a beautiful pet graveyard with headstones and everything. You just know not to ask some people because traditionally laying bodies to rest is important to them.

Other pet owners are chill about it, ESPECIALLY if they come from a livestock background. Livestock people are used to sending their animals to be recycled into glue and wax when they die, because it's generally not feasible to bury or cremate a horse. If someone does plan to take that on, you know they are absolutely dedicated to traditional burial and won't give you anything.

Make it their choice to offer, rather than it being your request

Anyway. If you know the person, and you know they might be ok with giving up their pet's body due to how they view bodies and death, then you work on making them think about you. First, you comfort and do everything you can to help the person through their grief. If you weren't already planning on doing that, then you have no business asking for their pet. Do not comfort someone in order to get something out of them. That's disgusting. Just straight up ask them for their pet and know that they will view you as tactless and rude, but its better than manipulating them.

What I do is not manipulation, it's reminding people what you do and then letting them make their own decisions. When your friend is feeling a little better and is not crying, you can ask about logistics. I ask "What do you plan to do for burial/with the body?" and that usually makes them think about me and what I do with bodies. If they already have a meaningful spot picked out to bury or scatter/keep ashes, then that means the body is important to them and I shouldn't ask further.

At this point, they should realize what you could use the body for and think about how they feel about that. This is when my sister (who has a livestock background) offered her dog to me. We talked about how she thought of bodies, and she thought that the soul is the only thing that matters and once her dog passes there's nothing important left. I did not say anything to convince her, these were all her own thoughts.

It's very VERY important to respect and love the pet owner because they're extremely vulnerable and emotionally raw. That's why I don't straight up ask, because when you're losing a pet, you don't want to feel like someone is trying to gain something from you.

If your friend says they don't know or haven't decided what to do for the body, you can gently say "Let me know if you want me to help bury it, to take it with me, or to just be there for you." This is a close-ended statement and not a question. A question means that your friend has to come up with an answer right there and then, while an offer is actionable. This puts the power and autonomy in your friend's hands, so that when they make a decision it comes fully from their wants and needs and is not about you and what you want.

Be there for them even if you get nothing out of it

If they don't offer at this point, they're not going to. Now hold up your end of the bargain and continue to comfort and help through the grieving process. Again, if you aren't already invested in this person enough to want to soothe and comfort and be there for the human person in the equation, then you have no business asking for their pet. When a pet dies, your first concern should be to the person. If it's not, then you aren't close enough to ask for goodies.

Helping someone grieve is not payment for their pet's body. If you realize they aren't going to give you something in return for your comfort and so you abandon them, you're a terrible person using their grief to manipulate them for your own gain. Comfort is not payment. Closeness in grief is a metric by which you measure "Do I have any business to ask?"

The pet owner runs the show, not you

Throughout this process, stress that the owner can change their mind at any time. You don't want the owner to think "I hate this but I can't back out now because I promised..." Even when they animal is all wrapped up an in your vehicle and ready to go, quietly tell the owner that they can still choose what happens and if they have second thoughts, that's ok and you won't be mad.

My sister let me be there for putting her dog down and it was all about her and her love for her dog. She carried him out and laid him in my trunk and we stood in the rain and talked and hugged. She then told me she was happy that he could bring happiness to someone in life and now still in death, but that she didn't want to know anything. I agreed not to tell her or post anything about processing her dog, so for her it would be like burial. The same thing happened with my other friend's horse. She spent some time with him and then as soon as he passed she drove away and let me do what I wanted. She didn't want to hear Any of it. Again, I didn't ask or even offer, she came up with the idea of giving me the body all on her own even before I knew he was dying.

Horse people are much closer to pet owners than livestock owners, but they are used to sending their friend's bodies off to a different kind of processing (at Tallow factories, livestock remains are ground up, cut apart, cooked, and spun around to extract various substances that become soap, glue, candles, etc) so they know not to think about what happens after death. It still depends on how well you know the owner and know how they think about death, but if you offer to handle logistics like dealing with the tallow guy, they can actually save money by letting you have it.

You're actually doing livestock a favor

Livestock people are generally chill and have a much more utility/asset view of their animals. If the animal doesn't even have a name they probably don't care what happens when it's dead. In fact, most farmers will jump at the chance to give you their animal for free because calling the tallow company to haul it away costs them money. This is also why in areas with lots of livestock, you sometimes find bodies dumped in ditches or left on the side of the road, because the farmer didn't want to pay to get rid of it so they made it everyone else's problem. Even pet animals like dogs and cats are more Utility than pure companions on a farm, so you might have a better chance of getting remains from a farmer than a neighbor.

One more thing about pets and livestock.

When I find a dead deer, I flay it open and let the vultures eat it. For domestic animals, they are often put to sleep via chemical/drug.

THIS IS POISONOUS TO SCAVENGERS.

DO NOT LET SCAVENGERS EAT EUTHANIZED ANIMALS

Seriously. If you like nature, you need to protect it. Deflesh it yourself, throw all the meat/blood/offal away or bury it 6 feet down. Idk what it does to the environment so I always freeze it and then throw it away on garbage day.

Rot bacteria and beetle larvae dermestids don't mind. In fact, dermestid droppings and pupa shells can be analyzed for toxins by forensic scientists to determine cause of death. Neat! Just make sure that if you process outdoors, the remains are EXTREMELY SECURE and cannot be opened by vultures, coyotes, or wild pigs.

Remember the living, human person

I know I look very clinical by picking apart human emotions, but I respond, feel, love, and grieve just like everyone else. I didn't plan how to get any of the animals in the above stories, I just acted on instinct and these are the ones where that paid off well.

Most of the time if I go "huh. I feel that may not go over well" I can then take that feeling apart and figure out why. So hopefully explaining how my feelings work it can help you listen to your most useful and most compassionate ones.

The living person is always more important than a dead pet. Sometimes you can get the dead pet without distressing your friend, sometimes you shouldn't even try.

Respecting the dead

A final note on working with pets vs wild animals. This is someone's family member, so don't play puppet with it like you might with a skunk skin. Don't take pictures of any part of the process until they are rendered to bones. Pictures of dead pet species are even more distressing to the general public than wild animals, and sick freaks might take your photos and send them to people for kicks or attention. Better to just not have photos than for that to happen.

What processing a pet feels like

Working on a pet is always going to be different for you, the vulture, than a wild animal. Everything you see is touched by human hands. My sister's dog was... beautiful. You don't really realize how moved you're going to be by seeing the perfect amount of healthy fat covering, or beautiful muscles that speak of exercise and attention. She rescued this starving pup and turned him into the healthiest animal I have ever seen. She's a vet assistant and the care and love she put into this dog had me sitting there crying while I held his paws; with their perfectly maintained clipped and sanded nails. I'd only met the dog once for a few minutes when he was alive, but his body was a canvas and every inch was painted with layers and layers of love. It made me so, so sad that his neurological issues couldn't be helped because his body was proof of someone who would stop at nothing to cure what could be cured, and that the last months of his life were happier than he ever imagined.

On the flip side, pets whose bodies show signs of neglect and abuse are going to hit you harder than any deer could. The dog I found discarded in a garbage bag on the side of the road had rotten teeth and nails so long they curled over themselves into hoops. An overgrown and suffering deer is just the sign of nature taking its course. An overgrown and suffering dog is the sign of human cruelty, of shirked responsibility.

Most pets you get will between these two dogs. No owner is perfect. Most old dogs have lost teeth to rot, sick cats too weak to scratch properly may have overgrown nails.

Death as beauty

A pet's body usually a beautiful story full of ups and downs; of owners doing things wrong and then doing things right. A vulture or an artist can read a body like rings on a tree and feel the heart beat in their chest that tells them how strong and full of love this life had been. You need to be ready for this part. Every detail is a message from your fellow human and even though we are all animals and we decompose into the same dirt, we're meant to connect to each other here and now.

Keep your emotions open when working with remains.

Listen to what they have to teach you.

31 notes · View notes

nancydfan · 3 years ago

Note

I think that Mia gets too bad of a rap from a lot of people.

Like yes, was she an agent of a super shady organization responsible for making a bio weapon that destroyed a great deal of lives? Yes. However we don’t know her motivation for joining them yet.

They could have lied honestly. Like The Connections could have advertised themselves to be a great, loving work environment and maybe Mia was young and naive and joined them. Or maybe she was desperate for money, and it was the only job that would hire her. Or hell, maybe she fully knew what they were and joined anyway, either on account of her morals being twisted back then or thinking that even though the company was evil maybe she could do good. Who knows, honestly.

Either way, with The Connections being a shady organization there’s like a very high chance that you don’t get to walk away from them alive. I’m sure if you quit they’d see you as a liability and take you out with no mercy. And that’s why I think Mia didn’t leave, because she knew she would be killed if she did, and maybe that’s why she took the job with Eveline, because it was more of a “you will do this or else” than an option for her (whether it was implied by her boss or if they were upfront about what bad things would happen if she didn’t take the job).

And maybe if her morals were twisted before I fully think meeting and falling in love with Ethan changed her if that was the case, because the Mia we see in RE7 and RE8 is a good person. We see that in how when the Baker’s rescue her she thanks them but tries to leave immediately and tries to warn them about staying away from Eveline (as shown in the note she left in the dlc “Daughters”). She could have tried to get them to call the hospital or her company but she didn’t, because she knew that she was under Eveline’s control and the longer she stayed there the more danger the family was. If she was a shitty person she wouldn’t have done this, she would have done everything she could to save herself.

We also see that in how she leaves a final video note for Ethan, telling him to stay away no matter what, because she didn’t want him to get dragged down in her mess. She knows how much Ethan loves her and I’m sure she knows if she sent a video saying “Ethan pls help” he’d come running for her, but she didn’t because she loves him and wants him to live even if she can’t be there with him. We see it AGAIN when she saves Ethan from Eveline’s grasp, when she tears him from the mold thing he was in and pushes him out so Eveline couldn’t hurt him. Fully knowing she’d have to face Eveline’s wrath.

And for everyone saying “why didn’t she just tell him then” I mean think about it. I think if this super shady organization found out someone they didn’t hire knew what was going on they’d kill them because again they’d be a liability and a threat. And that’s why she doesn’t tell Ethan because she doesn’t want him to be targeted and killed by them. I think if she had the opportunity she would have left The Connections but knows that it would result in her death anyway, and telling Ethan the truth would just end in his death if they found out and it was too risky in her mind.

And I think it’s this same form of protection that prevents her from telling Ethan he’s infected. She says (or at least we can assume that this was her) in Donna’s section that she didn’t tell him because she was afraid she’d lose him. I don’t think he’d divorce her if he found out he was molded (that doesn’t really make sense for his character), I think she was genuinely afraid he’d die (again) or worse begin to transform into a monster the way the rest of the infected did. And that’s why she keeps it hidden because she was scared to death he’d die or suffer a worse fate. Am I saying she was right in hiding it? No, but I think that everyone saying she’s manipulative and gaslighting are wrong because she truly loves Ethan and Rose, and I know she’d give her life gladly if it meant they could live.

I saw other people get mad because Rose is essentially being used as a bio weapon and how could Mia let this happen and I’m like?? She probably doesn’t have a say?? I mean yes Blue Umbrella is supposed to be “the good guys” now but like they’re still a huge organization, I’m sure Mia did her best to prevent this from happening and keep Rose safe but like at the end of the day what can she really do against a huge company?? If anything get mad at Chris because I’m sure he’s got some clout or something in that company that could have allowed Rose to live a normal life without Umbrella or maybe not being used as a weapon but idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ a lot of people were like “Mia’s sO annoying at the beginning of the game” but fam that wasn’t even her?? That’s Miranda?? Besides even if it was Mia that blew up on Ethan in the hospital (as per Ethan’s diary) 1.) people deal with trauma differently, and I’m not saying it’s healthy but she’s scarred and doing her best and 2.) probably was afraid if they talked too much about Louisiana Ethan would realize he was infected and then BAM he’s either dead or a mutated monster. And in the cutscene of Mia saying “you matter!” Can you imagine the stress of knowing your husband is Mr Mold Man and not being able to do anything about it, out of fear of what could happen to him? Like of course she’s upset and going to blow when provoked (not that Ethan was aggressive or anything just that he was prying into a very high pressure soda that is Mia’s emotions lol) because she’s been bottling this up and has no one to talk to, and after a while anyone would explode. I think she would have told him if he hadn’t answered that call. Also marriage is not rainbows and butterflies, sometimes you get into messy fights with your partner and sometimes you or the other person say things you don’t mean but at the end of the day you love each other and try to be better. If anything Capcom was depicting a normal marriage tbh.

At the end of the day Mia is not the bad guy. She is only human who tried her best to keep her family safe against all the odds and idc what anyone says, Ethan and Mia love each other and have a healthy relationship and that’s that.

I hope I do this ask justice cause this is the kinda ask I’ve been like hoping for cause you are absolutely gosh damn right.

I’m a chill person & I’m never gonna probably get up into someone’s face about anything cause it’s fandom. I’m not here to cater your experience. That being said, when I see some of these frankly bad takes on Mia I’m like

We know Jack shit about why Mia joined the Connections. Literally nothing so people who have a whole solidified nasty opinion of Mia should probably just sit down. You don’t have to like her. But you also could like, idk, be absolutely dead wrong cause lol Capcom went, yeah we’re not gonna explain any of that.

I got the impression that in between re7 and re8 that they are hiding from the connections too but I may have misunderstood that In re8. I think it makes sense it’s the type of organization you do not leave. No matter how badly you want to and once Ethan came along, do people really think she’d risk him? Spoiler alert: no, no she wouldn’t.

Also, re7 started w Alan. He’s the one that let eveline get out of control so...I feel like people forget that.

I’ve been talking to a friend about people using the Miranda Mia against the real Mia and I don’t know how to kindly tell people that the game kinda absolutely explained that’s not Mia? I do think Mias got a temper which makes sense because Ethan is so even tempered that he can balance her out better. But Miranda Mia was a fuckin bitch. She was needling Ethan’s pain and mocking him. Do people think Ethan sat around for three years taking that? Ethan’s a big boy. He can take care of himself. He was even fighting back w Miranda Mia so manipulative and abusive takes belong in the toilet w the rest of the shit.

Mia blowing up at Ethan means nothing. My parents have proven to me marriage is not easy. You will lose it on people when emotions run high. It happens. There’s a world of difference between a moment of anger versus abuse. But you still love and forgive people for moments of anger because we all have them. And I’m sure Ethan can be just as much as a pain in the ass. I love him more than most and I’d be the first person to admit I’m sure he didn’t make it easy all the time either.

Mia held the truth from Ethan because she was scared not just for her but for him too. It’s a selfless kind of lie. We all do them so I don’t know why Mia is getting burned at the stake for it. I’m just not movable on this. That was a heavy thing to carry and she was doing her best.

As for Rose, I don’t even know what Capcom is doing. How can anyone else know? She’s special and powerful. Maybe she wanted that life? I think we can reserve judgement until re9.

Like I said above, no one has to like Mia. Maybe you don’t vibe w her or maybe you still just don’t care for her. That’s cool. But my gosh don’t lie about the kind of person she is. If you can’t acknowledge her world and heart belongs to Ethan and Rose, I’m just not sure what to tell you.

Sorry for ranting on your ask nonnie 😆 I really appreciate that you sent this in! It needed said imo

#thanks for the ask nonnie!!#resident evil #ethan winters #mia winters #mithan #resident evil spoilers #resident evil 7 #resident evil 8 #mrs joe speaks #long post

62 notes · View notes

longeyelashedtragedy · 2 years ago

Text

all or nothing episode 7: stream of consciousness comments

-put your eyelashes AWAY mikel...and that smile while you’re at it

-the boys talking about who has boris johnson’s number i s2g

-why is granit so hot? he lights up like every scene he’s in even if he’s just sitting there? gjdgjdjgsg

-oh dear lord what am i seeing on that laptop screen...

-UHHH HELLO BOYFRIENDS FLIRTING...MIKEL ROASTING GRANIT FOR HIS CARDS AND GRANIT IS SITTING THERE LAUGHING...they are Perfect for each other i literally just cannot

-and granit gives him such a loving look during it

-and you can TELL mikel doesn’t give a fuck about his bad discipline lmaooooo

-angry granit yelling

-oooh mikel angry at the half and we haven’t had any obscenities yet...let’s see

-also now aaron not getting a clean sheet makes me Extra sad

-”fucking shit 45 minutes man we can’t come play like this year!” YES GRANIT YES...CAPTAIN GRANIT “WE KNEW WHAT WE HAD TO DO! fuck me, the first action, they have the throw in, put the fucking ball away!” god this is so hot and he’s like little mini mikel

-it seems like they all just sit there and take him yelling at them?

-omg mikel is TINY and his butt is so...[censored] while yelling at them? this scene is a dream

-mikel: “we deserve to be slapped on the face” (slaps his own face) O RLY mikel....god that was one of my fav things he ever said in a press conference, telling on yourself much mikel?

-mikel can’t park a fucking car to save his life omg

-mikel saying that after the palace game he was like....kind to the boys bc they just needed to be together? OMG

-granit caring for kt...

-mikel says the boys have given him reason to trust them 🥺

-”we’re gonna play with balls out, guys. balls out.”

-man nuno really is so fucking beautiful lol

-OMG MO ELNENY we do not deserve him...love his sunshiney honesty here

-OH FUCK IT’S THE LIGHTBULB SPEECH

-cedric’s FACE he’s like what the FUCK is this mf doing now

-”Because what happens when we play connected, guys? What is the next thing that happens? That we connect with 60,000 people that creates more energy, because at the end is electricity, that through heat creates light and life, because if not, it would be fucking dark, if this guy wouldn’t have the idea to do that.” omg mikel......i have no words for u

-imagine after all that u go fuck up this game! come on guys!

-omg martin looking so defeated is breaking my whole heart

-”i have too many emotions. look at me please when i talk.” omg mikel put that *** energy AWAY mr cincuenta shades of grey

-sad granit with his sweaty curls and big beautiful eyes....

“okay guys after the game i didn’t want to talk to you, i am sure i was going to say something that i was going to regret.” *cracks knuckles* “but i tell you today it was a fucking disaster.”

-bro in this briefing room speech i can like. legit tell how much mikel loves this club? i’m getting emotional i can’t explain he REALLY wants them to do well and cares about the players

-he’s also so tiny have i mentioned this before

-mo advising frustrated young players is a concept i didn’t realize i needed

-airpods albert and eddie 🥺

-OMG THE LITTLE KID SENDING B SOME MONEY...omg and then he meets him? CRYING rn

-this is one of the sweetest things i’ve ever seen!!!!!!! like literally i am crying

-i swear profane mikel is making me Feel things

-me screaming at eddie’s goal!

-and me getting CHILLS at babey b’s penalty (lmao the true AoN experience...feeling these emotions like the first time)

-emile is so sweet and soft spoken

-this episode is so quietly feel good?

-omg the way they’re taking care of mo during ramadan, also wait he and raketa have weirdly similar scars/birthmarks

-”i never saw someone give everything, work very hard, and they don’t get the reward” oh mo, sweet summer child...

-NOT ME RELIVING THE MAN UTD GAME AND GRANIT’S GOAL ALL OVER AGAIN

-XHAKARTETA HUG XHAKARTETA HUG

-mikel looks so fresh faced and happy post game...before everything fell apart...I almost feel like he has yet to recover from the nld you know

-ONLY ONE MORE EPISODE LEFT? NOOOOOOO.....

#ihc watches aon #sorry i'm like Depressed so this is not as exuberant but trust me i am Feeling it

4 notes · View notes

cheri-cheri · 3 years ago

Text

[L&N] Charlie’s Date Translation - Sentimental Games

Note: This is a very casual translation, which means descriptions are heavily summarised, and you’ll also come across my unfiltered thoughts!

Suggested sequence: Fleeing Together -> Sentimental Games -> Born with Wings

Charlie’s Character Introduction: here

The date begins with MC about to board a cruise where a charity auction is taking place

She’s especially looking forward to seeing a pair of Cape Jasmine Gloves from the previous century in hopes of getting inspiration for her own designs

She gets stopped by the ticketing staff who warns her that since she only has a media personnel ticket, she can’t go in and can only take pictures from outside

MC: [sad] Did I make a wasted trip?

??: Why would it be a wasted trip?

She turns around and sees this hot mess:

Charlie: You didn’t make a wasted trip. You’ve seen me now, haven’t you?

MC: ...what are you doing here?

Charlie: *flaunts his ticket* I was specially invited to participate in the auction as a distinguished guest, of course.

Charlie: *spots the media personnel ticket* In order to glance at me from a distance, you didn’t hesitate to catch a chill outside the venue?

MC: How’s that possible-

Charlie: Not bad. I’m touched. *nods and enters through the VIP passageway*

Charlie: *hands ticket to staff* My female companion is behind me.

MC: ???

Charlie: What? Not coming in?

MC: *thinks about the Cape Jasmine Gloves* ...fine!

MC heads to a cafe

Charlie: You’re quite a strange woman. Instead of going to my exclusive resting area, you insisted on running to such a remote corner.

MC: I don’t seem to remember forcing you to come to the cafe with me.

Charlie: You’re my female companion. Of course we should move about together.

MC: *about to retort but remembers that it’s thanks to him that she could enter* Hmph.

Charlie: There are many comfortable spots on the cruise suitable for two people to pass the time. You could think about where we should go later.

MC: Who wants to go anywhere with you...

Charlie: Apart from you, who else?

MC: I came here for a purpose, not to monkey around with you.

Charlie: Oh? What purpose? Tell me about it. I’m in a pretty good mood and could consider fulfilling it for you.

MC: Thanks, but I. Don’t. Need. It!

Charlie: If you don’t say anything, I’ll make a guess. There’s something you want to buy at the auction today? Art? An antique? Jewels or haute couture?

MC: *doesn’t even look at him*

Charlie: *looks her up and down*

MC: What are you up to now?

Charlie: Your outfit isn’t bad today.

Since it’s a retro-themed auction, MC wore a black formal dress

Just as she's wondering why Charlie randomly brought it up, he opens his beautiful mouth

Charlie: But you seem to be missing some accessories... How about Auction Item No. 3, the red ruby necklace? I could buy it for you.

MC: I don’t need it! How many times do you want me to repeat myself...

Charlie: Fine, fine. Anyway, you already have a red accessory, so you don’t need it.

MC looks at the red ring on her finger

But Charlie points at himself and his red suit LOL

Charlie: Your red accessory is here.

MC: ...you’re so silly! *secretly admits that their outfits match very well*

Charlie: In that case, I’ll give you something else. What about Auction Item No. 5 - the Cape Jasmine Gloves?

MC: !

Charlie: So your purpose for coming here today is for those gloves.

MC: No, I never even thought about participating in the auction...

Charlie: *whips out phone* Let me see how much these gloves are worth...

He receives a notification on his phone and has to leave to meet a friend

He invites her to join them since it’s only a matter of time before she has to meet his friends LOL But MC says “NO THANKS”

So he tells her that she could go to the highest level once she’s done walking around. And if she gets lost, she could head to the broadcast room

MC: Broadcast room?

Charlie: *draws closer to her* You could go to the broadcast room and announce that you’re looking for your husband.

MC: Definitely not looking for a husband. It’s more like looking for a little child! *leaves and hears Charlie’s soft laughter from behind*

MC relaxes outside and thinks of where she should go. The date splits into four options:

Option 1: First Class Area on the 4th Floor

Option 2: Highest Floor

Option 3: Second Floor Hall

Option 4: Fourth Floor Seating Area

[ OPTION 1: FIRST CLASS AREA ON THE 4TH FLOOR ]

MC: ...I’m not heading up to look for him. I just want to ask him where the auction’s taking place!

She knocks on his door. He’s shocked to see her, but he composes himself and invites her in after teasing her about not saying what she genuinely feels

He grabs her wrist and tugs her into the room

MC: What are you doing? Let go...

Charlie: I want to show you something.

MC: What is it? I don’t-

Charlie: *opens a black box* Are you sure you aren’t going to look?

It’s obviously the Cape Jasmine Gloves

Charlie starts putting on the gloves uhiefjnksd

MC: Slow down! This is a treasure from the previous century!

Charlie: So what if they’re from the previous century? Aren’t they still gloves? *puts on gloves and stretches out his hand to MC*

MC: What are you doing...?

Charlie: I’m letting you touch them. Don’t you want to experience the design and texture of the gloves? What are you waiting for? You might not have such an opportunity next time.

*cue gameplay where you get to touch him like in MLQC’s Go See Him*

Charlie: Looks like you aren’t feeling the gloves at all, but want to feel me properly instead.

MC: ?!

MC: ...it’s better if I don’t use my hands. I’ll just look.

Charlie: No need. Continue. *places hand in her palm*

MC starts touching his hand and he gently hooks his fingers with hers LOL

Charlie: Why’d you stop?

MC: [blushing] ...I’m just thinking about its quality!

Charlie: This material is very thin, and I can feel your body temperature. It’s rare. *slowly holds her hand*

MC: *RETRACTS HAND* O-oh yes... how did you get these gloves...

Charlie: Didn’t I tell you? I bought these gloves.

MC: Bought them?! How did you do it so quickly? I even thought of asking you where the auction venue is...

Charlie: Is there a difference between who bought it? *puts gloves back into box*

Charlie: Take them. Study them slowly.

-> Head to epilogue

[ OPTION 2: HIGHEST FLOOR ]

Charlie: It’s rare for you to be so obedient. You were really preparing to look for me on the highest floor? Let’s go then. Just one level up.

MC: Wait, I wasn’t looking for you! I just wanted to enjoy the breeze!

They stand together and there’s a line which goes, “miraculously, he doesn’t talk” HAHAHA

She suddenly feels nervous

MC: ...why aren’t you participating in the auction? *their eyes meet and she feels her heart beating rapidly*

*Cues gameplay which is akin to ASMR*

Charlie: As compared to the auction, I’m more interested in something else.

Charlie: Also, isn’t a coincidental that each time I think of “it”, “it” happens to appear.

Charlie: Will you be able to find me no matter where I am?

Charlie: Even though I know that my charm is infinite, installing a GPS on someone is illegal.

Charlie: That isn’t the case? Even at such an empty corner, you were able to “meet” me coincidentally.

MC: *walks away*

Charlie: Why are you in such a hurry to leave? Enjoy the breeze for a while longer.

Charlie: Bored? Let me tell you that other places on the cruise are even more boring...

Charlie: At least... there are some things worth looking forward to over here.

Charlie: : Hm? You didn’t hear me clearly?

Charlie: I said...

Charlie: Of course you can’t hear if you’re so far away.

Charlie: This is better.

Charlie: I said that having my fiancée by my side gives me a sense of anticipation...

Charlie: What? Are you leaving just like this?

Charlie: Fine. About those gloves... just treat it as though I didn’t buy them.

Charlie: Looks like you still have some interest in me.

Charlie: I purchased the pair of gloves you liked. Just now.

Charlie: Why? Because I didn’t want your attention to be somewhere else.

Charlie: I needed to ensure that your gaze would remain on me from beginning to end.

Charlie: Only me.

-> Head to epilogue

[ OPTION 3: SECOND FLOOR HALL ]

This is where the auction is being held, and MC quickly realises that unlike traditional auctions, there are gambling tables around

Aside from having enough money, competing buyers have to play Texas hold ‘em to have the right to bid

Someone is about to purchase the gloves, and MC recognises him as a buyer with a bad reputation who handles treasures very poorly

MC walks over angrily and says she’d compete with him

CHARLIE ARRIVES

The buyer tries to find fault with them e.g. saying that it’s unfair that they’re playing 2 against 1

Charlie responds by saying that although the rules have a limit of 2 seats, it doesn’t stipulate the number of people who can be present

So Charlie pulls MC onto his lap

Charlie: If you can abide by the rules of having one seat, we wouldn’t mind if all the bodyguards sit on your lap.

Charlie: *tightens grip on MC’s waist* Right, dear?

MC: [blushing] Haha, yeah...

Charlie: Sit properly. Don’t let me get distracted.

So MC slings her arm around his neck awkwardly while the game continues LOL

Unsurprisingly, he wins

MC looks at the gloves and Charlie tells her that instead of looking at them while standing up, she could sit on his lap

She refuses

-> Head to epilogue

[ OPTION 4: THIRD FLOOR SEATING AREA ]

She sees the gloves in a display cabinet from afar

Since she doesn't have the VIP ticket, she’s prohibited from going closer

But it’s okay because Charlie’s here to save the day

Charlie: Since you’re already here, why avoid me now?

MC: Don’t make it sound like I came here specially to look for you.

Charlie: There aren’t many people who get shy as easily as you.

MC: *forces out a laugh*

Charlie: You’re speechless, aren’t you? After all, we’re engaged. You don’t have to be so indirect with me. Let’s go. Don’t just stand here in a silly manner.

MC: *forgets to retort because she sees the gloves*

Charlie: You...

MC: *is unable to hear him because she’s distracted by the gloves* So beautiful...

Charlie: *waves his hand in front of her*

MC: Don’t block me...

Charlie: Is it really that nice to look at? I’m sitting right here and your line of sight is drawn to something else? Truly incomprehensible.

MC: You’re the one who’s incomprehensible. What’s there to compete... *continues staring at the gloves*

Charlie: Fine, you should seize this opportunity to look as much as you want. After all, you won’t be able to see it ever again soon.

MC: What’s that supposed to mean?

Charlie: Someone already bought those gloves.

MC finds out that someone offered twenty times the original amount for them

MC: Who bought them...

Charlie: You want to know? *sips red wine*

Charlie points at the buyer with the bad reputation from Option 3

MC gripes because she recognises him as someone who simply views these items as investments, not treasures

Charlie shares some wisdom on how people will always have differing perspectives. Someone may view an item as treasure, while another person views it as insignificant. And one has no right to intervene with how they treat the item

But she’s still angry and says that there’s innate value in everything

Charlie offers her a carton of red wine as repayment for her “speech”

MC says she doesn’t need it:

Charlie: If you don’t want wine, I could give you something else. For example... how about that pair of gloves?

MC: Hasn’t it already been sold?

Charlie: According to the rules, I could offer an even greater amount of money to intercept the auction.

MC: No need... even if you were to fork out a huge sum of money to buy it, I’m unable to repay you.

Charlie: You’re my fiancée. There’s no need to repay me.

MC: *glares at him*

Charlie: Don’t you want any other auction items? Anything here is fine.

MC: Are you sure that anything’s fine?

Charlie: Of course. I always say what I mean.

MC: In that case... you can be my auction item!

Charlie: *shocked* So that’s how you like to play.

MC: W-what... I was just wanted to pretend to be a “bad owner” and let you experience the pain of being an auction item!

Charlie: Do you think this bottle of wine knows pain?

MC: Do you know what personification is? Also, my main point is to teach you and correct your mistaken views!

Charlie: *nods and smiles*

Charlie: Understood, my Master.

Charlie: Tell me. How do you plan to be mischievous?

MC: *instantly regrets*

MC: F-first, stand up.

Charlie: As you command.

Charlie: *stands* What’s your next command?

MC: Mm... pour two cups of red wine for me.

Charlie: This is the first time I’m pouring wine for someone. It feels pretty novel.

MC: *in a fluster because she finds his side profile handsome LOL*

Charlie: I know. Your next command is to feed you, isn’t it?

MC: ...of course not!

Charlie: There’s no need to be shy. Guessing my master’s preferences and commands is what I should be doing.

MC wonders why she feels as though she’s the one being punished instead

Just as the glass is about to reach her lips, she swiftly picks up the other glass

And clinks them together LOL

HIS FACE:

MC: That’s all for today! I hereby announce that you’re now free!

Charlie: You’re too easily satisfied, which leaves me barely any sense of fulfilment.

MC: I don’t care about your sense of fulfilment...

Charlie: *calls the staff over* I want to intercept Auction No. 5. Those Cape Jasmine Gloves.

MC: You’re really buying them?!

Charlie: *nods* When the gloves are brought over, I’ll give you ten minutes to appreciate them. As for the remaining time, you can appreciate me.

MC: *nods*

Charlie: You’re looking forward to it that much?

MC: Of course. How could I not seize this chance to see a great master’s work at close range?

Charlie: You’re pretty slow sometimes.

MC: Huh?

Charlie: Why didn’t you think that the gloves would be a waste with me?

MC: I... *realises that she instinctively knew he’s a good boi*

Charlie: Forget it. Relax, I know that you’re interested in those gloves.

MC: Why are you bringing me into this?

Charlie: I cherish the things you cherish. Naturally, you’d cherish me a little more.

MC: Your logic is unreasonable. Ordinary people truly can’t keep up with you...

Charlie: I was never an ordinary person. Also, it’s fine as long as my fiancée can keep up with me. Why should I care about others? *tucks MC’s hair behind her ear*

MC: *heartbeat goes wild*

-> Head to the epilogue

[ EPILOGUE ]

After the auction is over, MC is back at the cafe and writing down inspiration in her notebook

Charlie sits down next to her

Charlie: Lady, are you used to neglecting me?

MC: ...what are you doing here instead of resting on the highest floor?

Charlie: You aren’t resting either. Is it because there isn’t a place to sleep? You’re free to sleep on my bed anytime.

MC: Stop! I’m not tired!

Charlie: *sees that MC is sketching gloves* Gloves again. Did those Cape Jasmine Gloves inspire you that much?

MC explains that the designer was inspired by surgical gloves, which is why it’s so light and thin

MC: Thirty years ago, a female dressmaker who had a complicated illness was saved by a kind doctor in her time of despair. The other party didn’t claim medical fees, and even gave her treatments to re-ignite her hope in life. After she was cured, she spent many years specially designing this pair of gloves for the doctor. How is it? Isn’t it very romantic?

Charlie: But the story I heard was a little different from yours. The reason why the doctor saved the female dressmaker was purely because he liked to research complicated illnesses. The female dressmaker’s illness was very rare. In his personal biography, the female dressmaker was called “Patient No. 47″. He never thought about encouraging or helping anyone. Everything was simply an assumption by the other party. How is it? Do you find it not as romantic now?

MC: *speechless, then looks down at the design* No. I don’t think that’s all. Look here.

MC: *points at a tiny stitched lotus on the Cape Jasmine Gloves* I’ve seen images of this. At first, there weren’t any flowers on the gloves. After she passed away, the doctor likely asked someone to stitch it on. Aside from symbolising faithfulness and purity, lotuses symbolise adoration. So this represents the love between two people! Perhaps a beginning sparked by curiosity can genuinely bloom with fate’s design.

Charlie: *in a daze for a moment* So the reason why this pair of gloves met me, a doctor, is also fate’s design?

MC: *nods* Maybe...

Charlie: *leans in closer* In that case, you’re the same.

MC: Me?

Charlie: I’m referring to... fate’s design. I look forward to it - whether it’s the blooming or bearing fruit.

#light and night

33 notes · View notes

nestasgalpal · 4 years ago

Text

Walk me through it [Nessian fic]

Fixing ACOSF part 5

Masterlist | AO3

Summary: Cassian accompanies Nesta to the cottage in the Mortal Lands where she and her sisters used to live, so she can get closure.

Tagging: @gwynriel @rhaenystargaryn @clolikescloquetas @amelievrstr @t8astr8ng @wanderlustlastsforever @saltydreamcollector @lordlorcan @esrahiba @queenestarcheron @ko0mbayamylord @jemstan300 @nessiantrashh @mothergwyn @poisonus-bloom @loveadora @frosted-crackers @mireillemystique @pataytayo @968sunflower968 @caram267 @jainadurron @darkshadowqueensrule @amphiptree @finae-bookshelf @niytavia @brainlessfruit @dontgetsalmonella @messyhairday-me @sunsummoner @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @wannawriteyouabook @psychoticminx @misswonderflower

N/A: Sorry I erased the comment about Feyre painting the cabin in Illyria but I didn’t get what that had to do with anything lol.

Nesta’s heart thundered as she laid a hand against the cold wooden door. Claw marks still gouged it.

“Tamlin’s handiwork, I take it?” Cassian asked behind her.

Nesta shrugged, unable to find the words. She and Elain had rehung the door after Tamlin had broken it. Their father, his leg wrecked beyond repair and unable to bear weight, had watched them, offering unhelpful advice.

Her fingers curled into a fist and she shouldered the door open. Its rusted hinges objected, creaking, and a dusty, half-rotten scent swarmed her nose. Her cheeks heated. For Cassian to be here, to see this—

“Just a brute, remember?” He stepped to her side. “I’ve lived in far worse. At least you had walls and a roof.”

Nesta hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear those words, and her shoulders loosened as she stepped into the cottage proper. In the chill dimness, broken only by rays of sunlight, she frowned at the ceiling. “This house used to have a roof.” The damage had let in all manner of creatures and weather—the former had made themselves comfortable, judging by the nests and various scattered droppings.

Nesta’s mouth turned dry. This horrible, awful, dark place.

She couldn’t stop her shaking.

Cassian laid a hand on her shoulder. “Walk me through it.”

She couldn’t. Couldn’t find the words.

He pointed to a long worktable. One leg had collapsed, and the whole thing lay at a slant. “You ate here?”

She nodded. They’d eaten here, some meals in silence, some with her and Elain trying to fill the quiet with their idle chatter, some with her and Feyre at each other’s throats. Like those last meals they’d had with her in this house.

Nesta’s stare drifted to the paint flaking off the walls. The intricate little designs. Cassian followed her stare. “Did Feyre paint that?”

Nesta swallowed, and managed to get out, “She painted every chance she got. Any extra coin she managed to save went toward paints.”

Except for that one time she saved enough to get flower seeds for Elain.

Her two sisters had somehow found a way of keeping themselves entertained. Feyre spend every minute she could out of the house. She had to go hunting for food, but even in the summer and the spring, when they had plenty, she made excuses to be away from them. Isaac Hale had been there to help her get distracted, but Nesta knew Feyre didn’t find time for him just for the sex. Feyre had wanted to be far from them, sitting in the meadows, practicing knots or whatever she did when she went away.

She only stayed in the cabin when she had paint. She had found happiness in that —and so had Elain in her little garden.

As much happiness as they could, in a place like this.

But Nesta never did. She had never wanted to.

She had barely wanted to survive.

As if he had felt the air around her shift, Cassian took a step closer, his chest close enough to her back that Nesta could feel the heat he irradiated in the bare skin of her nape. He was there for her, to be a pillar she could lean against if she needed to —to support her.

A calloused hand brushed against hers, the touch so soft and careful, Nesta almost didn’t feel it. He gave her hand a tug, but Nesta didn’t take it. Not yet. Only when she really needed his touch to bear what they were doing in this place, she would take his hand. She would try to do this on her own first.

Cassian aimed for the bedroom. Nesta followed him, and gods, it was so cramped and dark and smelly. The bed was still covered with its stained linens. The three of them had slept here for years.

Cassian ran a hand over the painted dresser, marveling. “Feyre really did paint stars for herself before she knew Rhys was her mate. Before she knew he existed.” His fingers traced the twining vines of flowers on the second drawer. “Elain’s drawer.” They drifted lower, curling over a lick of flame. “And yours.”

Nesta managed a grunt of confirmation, her chest tight to the point of pain. There in the corner sat a pair of worn, half-rotted shoes. Her shoes. One of them was bursting at the toe’s seam. She’d worn those shoes —in public. Could still remember mud and stones creeping in.

She had asked for new ones, and that had leaded them into an argument too. Feyre didn’t understand the shame Nesta felt when she walked around wearing that in her feet —as far as she knew, Feyre didn’t even remember what their life used to be like before that village; she had known nothing else. But Nesta had, and even while they starved, she still refused to let go of the life she had once enjoyed. The silks, the pearls, the luxuries she had been surrounded by when growing up. She hadn't been raised but rather crafted by her mother and tutors to belong in palaces and great halls. No, she had been forged to thrive among dozens of other rich heiresses who shared her same goal. She had become that. And then, her world crumpled down to become this.

There were wholes in the lower parts of the rotten wood panels big enough for a small rodent to get inside the house that hadn't been there while her family inhabited the space. Nesta felt sick in her stomach, just as she had when she came inside the cabin for the first time and realized it was likely to be the place where she died. No castle and no prince awaited in her future.

She had never found a way to explain to Feyre what it was like for her. Nesta was quick with words, fast coming up with the perfect answer to make everyone wary of her, make them stay away. But when it came to opening up and risking showing vulnerability, she realized, she had never learned how to do it.

She could only hide. She could only hurt.

And Feyre never made it easy either. It was so hard for Nesta to talk to her —to anyone, but specially to her little sister. Whenever they clashed against each other, she felt judged by someone who didn't even know her. Every time, Nesta let pride win and burn bridges between them, instead of trying to explain herself to a person who wouldn't even wait and listen before she decided Nesta was too much of a brat to deserve the benefit of the doubt. Feyre never considered that there might have been a reason for her to feel and act the way she did, even if it was not the right path. Because Feyre couldn't come up with any, and fooled by her own pride, thinking herself smarter because she was able to function and Nesta was not, she concluded that there wasn't a reason in the world for Nesta to just let time consume her instead of stepping in.

She hated that, and resented Feyre for years. Because they were the same. Two side of the same coin battling to stay on top once it fell to the ground. For years, Nesta felt like the only way to win, was to make sure Feyre lost.

Every day, it grew bigger —her resentment towards her. For being able to overcome difficulties she could not. Towards their father, who saw his daughters fight one another and starve and didn't get up from his chair once to try... anything. And resentment towards herself. She got carried away by it, every emotion she felt mixing together and forming a ball of anger in her guts that burned so violently that Nesta could no longer tell what was going on.

She saw red all the time, and burned with it. Burned anyone that dared come close.

Lost in her memories of how fighting had been more abundant than food, Nesta almost forgot Cassian was there too. Her eyes had gotten caught up on the torn shoes. They were such a perfect example of how her life used to be —how they had so little, that every single thing could become the reason for a night's worth of arguing... Nesta told him the story.

"Deep down I knew that saving the money was more important, that those boots could last a few more weeks. That would give Feyre time to get more money. But I pushed the logic down and picked the fight regardless" She had hated that those shoes had been a working pair to their new family standards when not so long ago only the finest leather slippers touched her feet.

Nesta looked around the room, to the bed she and her sisters had shared. “That bed in there … I was born in that bed. My mother died in that bed.”

Her mother’s death. She remembered that as well. Too vividly still.

"My father refused to send men into fae territory looking for a cure for her". And just like him, Nesta had refused to help when they lived in the cottage. Had refused to do what she thought was a servant’s work, thinking that death was better than the shame of loosing her status. "I hated him for that."

She had been so mad at him for not even trying, that she thought she ought to do the same thing. If their father didn’t do anything, she would do even less. To her, Feyre had been only collateral damage. She was willing to sacrifice her little sister’s safety for her own. That’s what she had seen others do with her before. It had been so wrong —but Nesta hadn’t realized it until it was too late for all of them.

She hated her younger self, now that there was nothing for her to do. Now that her sisters no longer needed her to step in.

She hated that she had been so wrong, so blind.

She hated that she failed at being smarter than the adults in her life.

She hated how much time and effort she had put into hating her father and not caring about Feyre only for them to be the ones saving her in the end. How was she supposed to find peace, when she had spend years being consumed by the anger his passivity ignited in her, only for him to finally be there to help when she needed him the most? How did everyone expect her to be able to deal with that when she had failed miserably at simpler tasks?

Nesta wanted to forgive her father. To forgive him and be hugged by him. Nesta wanted to finally have by her side the father she had so desperately needed her entire life.

But when he came to her and proved that his love was true and knew no limits —that he only needed a second chance, he was killed before her eyes. How could she forgive him now, when he had died before she got a chance to let him know that she understood. That she had done the same thing to others, and she understood. She knew. And she was willing to give him the second chance he wanted to do everything again, but this time right.

Her heart thundered, and she walked out of the room, back into the main space. She didn’t mean to, but she looked toward the dark fireplace. Toward the mantel.

Her father’s wood figurines lay atop it, thickly coated with dust and cobwebs. Some had been knocked over, presumably by whatever creatures now lived here.

That familiar roaring filled her ears, and Nesta’s steps thudded too loudly on the dusty floorboards as she approached the fireplace. A carving of a rearing bear —no bigger than her fist —sat in the center. Nesta’s fingers shook as she picked it up and blew off the dust.

“He had some skill,” Cassian said quietly.

“Not enough,” Nesta said, setting the bear back onto the stone mantel. She was going to vomit.

No. She could master this. Master herself. And face what lay before her. Only then she would be able to face what she had left behind —her past.

She inhaled through her nose. Exhaled through her mouth. Counted the breaths.

Cassian stood beside her through all of it. Not speaking, not touching. Just there, should she need him. Her friend —whom she’d asked to come here with her not because he was sharing her bed, but because she wanted him here. His steadiness and kindness and understanding.

She plucked another figurine from the mantel: a rose carved from a dark sort of wood. She held it in her palm, its solid weight surprising, and traced a finger over one of the petals. “He made this one for Elain. Since it was winter and she missed the flowers.”

“Did he ever make any for you?”

“He knew better than to do that.” She inhaled a shuddering breath, held it, released it. Let her mind calm. “I think he would have, if I’d given him the smallest bit of encouragement, but … I never did. I was too angry.”

She finally voiced it —Why she had behaved like that for so many years. Cassian probably knew already, but she had needed to let it out. She had been angry. She had felt abandoned. She didn’t know what to do to keep floating against the current like her sisters did with her hobbies and new-found friends in the village.

Nesta only felt anger at everyone and everything.

“You’d had your life overturned. You were allowed to be angry.”

“That’s not what you told me the first time we met.” She pivoted to find him arching a brow. She could go back and picture that day. He was a giant in her hall, tall even among the rest of the fae Feyre had brought with her. A dormant part of her human conscience, an instinct, reminded her how dangerous his kind was. But she had never felt intimidated. Not by him. Not really.

Just a worthy opponent.

“You told me I was a piece of shit for letting my younger sister go into the woods to hunt while I did nothing.”

“I didn’t say it like that.”

“Yes, you did.”

Cassian’s gaze pierced through her. She squared her shoulders, turning to the small, broken cot in the shadows beyond the fireplace, thinking he wouldn’t reply.

“Can I still take that back?” Cassian was halted where she left him. The space was not big enough for them to be far from each other, but it certainly felt like it. A chill breeze came through a chink in the wall behind her, fluttering the bottom of her cloak and finding there the bare skin of her ankles.

Would you forgive me? He was asking. Or maybe not. Maybe he simply wanted her to pretend his words had never left his lips. Can we pretend it didn’t happen? She only had to turn around and face his burning gaze to know, but she didn’t.

Yes, Nesta wanted to tell him. Please, go back and never open my eyes to make me see what I did to my sister. Don’t let the truth of my actions ever get to me.

Nesta had always been aware of everything surrounding her, always known who she could trust, who was a tool for her to use, what buttons to push to get what she wanted from others.

She had always known, she had always seen.

Now, standing in the space where she spent some of the worst years of her life, a period of time full of hunger, cold, screaming and resentment that still hunted her, Nesta would beg on her knees for a chance to be oblivious for the first time in her life —To not see. To not feel.

“Why would you want to?” She asked instead.

Cassian didn’t come closer. Nesta wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. Standing here, in this ramshackle space where she still had to control her breath so she didn’t break down and become a crying mess, Nesta didn’t know if she was actually ready to discuss that.

To come back to face her ghosts was hard enough.

Nesta found a spot in the half rotted wood wall in front of her and locked her eyes there, not blinking, holding the tears that wanted to form in her eyes. She wasn’t ready to remember what had happened shortly after Cassian came into her house asking for her help. Her life was already almost too much for her to handle before Tamlin took Feyre, and that’s what they were trying to get closure for today. Not what had happened next, when the Inner Circle of the Night Court entered her life.

The thought threatened to make her breath erratic again, but Nesta remembered the exercices Gwyn had found for them and kept it under control. She mastered it and reminded herself why were here. Nesta forced herself to breath. Her lungs didn’t cooperate. Her mouth dry. She inhaled slowly and then exhaled the cold air. Once. Twice.

“Because I feel like that first meeting shaped everything else after, and I don't like what it did with it."

"It did nothing." It hadn't been that first encounter what had led her into the mess she was, nor had it anything to do with her choices back when they lived in this cabin that felt smaller and smaller with each of Cassian's words. She didn't want him to make excuses for her, she should have done more, and that was a fact she had already accepted.

"No, I did. I said that to you, and then the rest followed me."

"What does that have to do with this?" she vaguely waved her hands at the surrounding space. The room that had once been her house.

"Everything." he answered "Feyre wanted a peaceful meeting, you know? She wanted to do the talking, and for us to behave, and I couldn't hold my tongue. I fucked up, and only lately I've realized the damage my words actually caused.”

In the quietude of the room, his voice was a thunder. Nesta turned to face him and finally met his eyes, that were screaming for a chance to explain. But explain what? She already knew what she had to make up for, and didn't see what Cassian or the people who accompanied Feyre back to the Mortal Lands had to do with her past.

“I only thought of you as an extension of your sister.” She was curious to know when that had changed for him. She remembered the exact second the illyrian Commander had stopped being just her sister’s friend to her, earning a place of his own in her heart “I heard Feyre’s story, felt her suffering, and forgot you were a person too. You were entitled to your fears and to make mistakes as we all are, and I had no right to call you out there, when I knew close to nothing about you, and who you were. I didn't see that you had been a kid too, and your family's wellbeing wasn't just your responsibility, just as it wasn't Feyre's. I had no right to get involved in that unresolved issue between you, and I feel like when I did... I kind of gave everyone permission to do the same, and feel entitled to an opinion that weights as much as Feyre's and yours do in the matter. If I could go back…”

“You can’t” Nesta cut in. She wouldn’t let him, because if she wasn’t allowed to, then none of them would. It wasn’t fair.

Cassian still didn’t move, his presence painfully obvious. Cassian didn’t miss the shaking of her hands, but said nothing about it. She tried to put some of her usual icy rage in her eyes, but couldn’t. She tried to hide the excruciating pressure in her chest, the ache in her heart, but couldn’t either.

“I know you blame yourself for not being a caretaker and provider for your sisters, Nes” he started again when she didn’t go on “I know you already blamed yourself before we met, and I know I... we only made it worse, pushing you down thinking we were being good friends to Feyre. We actually hurt both of you in the end. I can’t speak for my friends, but I can speak for myself and tell you how sorry I am for not seeing that sooner. For not seeing you. And for making this" he looked rround towards the cot, the dinning table and the room they had just been into "worse than it already was.” The floor creaked under his weight when he took a step towards her, next to the cob. “You were barely older than she was, it wouldn’t have made a difference if it had been you in the woods. The three of you were too young to take that role”.

Then whose was it? His father? That's what she had thought for most of her life, but now... what about his leg? The pain he endured just by walking outside? She was the oldest, she should have done more, and she knew that. She didn't want them —Feyre— to just forgive her and pretend it had never happened. Because if she had done something more back then, then their live would be different now, for better or worse. She didn't want people to pitty her, and to tell her that she was an innocent and blameless soul.

"Why can't you just let me take accountability?"

"To take accountability is good, and I'm glad you are ready to do so, because you have to, in order to move on." He took her face in his hands taking one last step closer, their bodies almost touching “But I think we've let you think everything that happened to your sisters could have been avoided if you had been the one carrying the bow, and that's simply not true.” His thumb brushed over her cheek “What no one told you, Nesta, is that surviving is not only about getting food and water, or even a roof. I would know about that.” He chuckled softly, trying to lighten up the atmosphere around them in the dimness of the room ” Feyre is a great huntress, she didn’t need you carrying the bow and shooting the arrows.” Nesta would have died on her first winter hunting, both of them knew that. “You were needed as an older sister, and that doesn't equal being a provider for your family. She needed your support and care when she came back from a long day looking for food. A family.”

Enough tears to make a new sea had been shed by both her and Feyre in her art studio not so long ago. Feyre had asked for that exaclty: an older sister who had her back. And Nesta had promised she would try.

Nesta didn’t really know how to use or control her powers, and Feyre had surrounded herself with fae strong enough to never need Nesta to save her again.

But Cassian was right. That was not what Nesta could offer her little sister anyway, and that was not what Feyre needed from her either. That was not what she had ever wanted from her father, either. In the end, it all came to the four of them failing at being a family.

Feyre needed had needed that as much as Nesta did.

She was ready to be that from now on.

When she didn’t answer, Cassian stayed quiet, allowing her once again to get lost in her thoughts as long as she needed to, but wary at the same time, in case she drifted back to the dark ideas that so frequently starred in her nightmares.

Nesta freed herself from his grip and went back to the cot, running a hand over its cracking wood frame. Splinters snagged at her fingertips.

Her father’s body crawled up on the chair, the small fire burning until late at night so he wouldn’t freeze under the shabby blanket he used to keep himself warm… Nesta could picture it clearly when she looked at the cot again. “He’d drag it in front of the fire every night and curl up there, huddling under the blankets. I always thought he looked so … so weak. Like a cowering animal. It enraged me.”

That was the issue, the whole point of coming to the cabin. Her soul needed to face this chapter of her life like her lungs needed the air she breathed to keep her body alive. Nesta had to find a way to cope with the matted of feelings, nightmares and emotions —with the contradictions that formed in her heart.

It was always about him in the end. Her father. Their relationship.

She wanted to forgive him. She was sure of that. But there was still so much anger, such immense feeling of abandonment inside her that hadn’t been cured in time. He had been there for her in the end, and somehow that was even worse, because now she couldn’t even despise him for his cowardice. He died for her before he could face the consequences of his decisions, as she was trying to do now. He died, leaving his daughter with even more guilt inside. Because now she finally knew he did love her enough to get up from his chair and try anything, but was gone before she got a chance to do anything with that.

Her father had finally done what she needed from him, and she couldn’t even thank him. Tell him that she forgave him and ask him to forgive her back for all the times she picked on him. Tell him that she loved him, that she was grateful and his effort had been worth it.

“It …” Her throat worked. “I thought him sleeping here was a fitting punishment while we got the bed. It never occurred to me that he wanted us to have the bed, to keep warm and be as comfortable as we could. That we’d only been able to take a few items of furniture from our former home and he’d chosen that bed as one of them. For our comfort. So we didn’t have to sleep on cots, or on the floor.” She rubbed at her chest. “I wouldn’t even let him sleep in the bed when the debtors shattered his leg. I was so lost in my grief and rage and… and sorrow, that I wanted him to feel a fraction of what I did.” Her stomach churned.

He squeezed her shoulder, but said nothing. Nesta didn’t talk for a moment, and Cassian put an arm around her to press her body against his, hugging her without a word. The warmth from his chest felt almost too good. She needed it, and also the calmness of his heartbeat.

“He had to have known that,” she said hoarsely. “He had to have known how awful I was, and yet … he never yelled. That enraged me, too. And then he named a ship after me. Sailed it into battle. I just … I don’t understand why.”

“You were his daughter.”

“And that’s an explanation?” She rose her chin to look at him and scanned his face, the sadness etched there. Sadness —for her. For the ache in her chest and the stinging in her eyes.

“Love is complicated. But he loved you.”

“I can’t for the life of me understand why.” she answered.

Nesta didn’t even have to think the words, they came out of her mouth before she even realized what she had said.

Cassian had told her that once last year —that he couldn’t understand why her sisters loved her. That simple sentence, said by him so casually in the middle of the street, followed her home and helped her already overwhelming self-loathing bring her even lower. Nesta had often wanted to know if he went over his words as frequently as she did after that night and the following months. She wondered if the confession he had made hunted him too.

Nesta had come to the conclusion that it didn’t torment him one bit the moment he came to her apartment to pick her up and take her to Feyre’s new mansion by the river. She was convinced at that moment that he actually couldn’t come up with a single reason why Feyre and Elain still wasted their time on her.

Yet he was here, so she wasn't alone whilst facing her past. He was by her side now, not giving up on her no matter how badly she screwed up.

Cassian opened his mouth to say something, but whatever he was about to say, she didn't want to hear it now. It didn’t matter how he felt back then, she only cared about the present. And he was by her side. He was being a friend, apologizing for things he regretted that Nesta herself hadn't even consider, but somehow made sense.

She forgave him. Because she knew what it was like to crack under pressure and be hurtful towards people you care about when you don’t know how to help them and become desperate.

And Cassian somehow could read through her too, as he closed his mouth, his lips pressed tight.

Both of them let the unspoken words float between them, saying nothing, only looking at each other. Nesta was not perfect and he wasn’t either —there was no need to be perfect. Not right now. There were so many things they had yet to find the courage to discuss, that Nesta didn’t care. Looking into his hazel eyes, Nesta found the reassurance she needed that they would talk about it, with time, and that was enough.

They would talk about every unsaid thing between them.

They had all the time in the world.

The forgoten room reappeared around them at some point, as if they had been somewhere else when they got lost into each other’s eyes.

She studied the calluses already building across her fingers and palms. She made herself meet Cassian’s gaze again. “I didn’t just fail Feyre by letting her go into the woods. There were plenty of other times. I feel guilty.” Nesta said the words aloud for the first time. It was a clear feeling, as much as she hated it. She had finally found the one comprehensible spot in the mess that was her heart. Using that, she could pull the thread until she untangled the whole thing. It would take time, but it was a first step. Maybe there was hope for her after all.

Guilt. She felt guilt. She would work on that.

“Have you ever told her this?”

Nesta snorted. “No. I don’t know how.” That was still a problem.

He studied her, and she resisted the urge to squirm under the scrutiny. “You’ll learn how. When you’re ready.”

“How very wise of you.”

Cassian sketched a bow.

Despite this house, the history all around her, Nesta smiled. She pocketed the carved rose. “I’ve seen enough.”

He arched a brow. “Really?”

She clenched the wooden rose in her pocket. “I think I just needed to see this place. One last time. To know we got out. That there’s nothing left here except dust and bad memories.”

He slid an arm around her waist as they walked for the door, again surveying all the little paintings Feyre had squeezed into the cottage. “Az won’t be back for a little while. Let’s go flying.”

“What about the humans?” They’d run screaming in terror.

Cassian gave her a wicked smile, opening that half-broken door for her. Leading her into the sunlight and clean air. “It’ll add a little spice to their days.”

#nessian #cassian #cassian acotar #nesta #nesta acotar #nesta archeron #nessian fanfic #nessian fanfiction #acosf fix it #acosf fix it fic #fixing acosf #acosf fanfic #acosf fanfiction #acosf fic

56 notes · View notes