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thesamoanqueen · 7 months ago

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Blackwater XIX

Raiting: 18+

Warnings: well I said a couple of months ago that something was toxic… there’s a lil bit of non-con this time, so if someone of you is not ready, im sorry, is that chap.

A/N: this chapter wasn't very easy to write, but the next ones won't be either, let's wish each other good luck.

She had hoped to go somewhere else, but with problems piling up day after day doing so wasn't even an option. It was safer to stay south, where their reservation still acted as a natural stop to any external influence coming from across the border, plus Roman was in the area, though again not there with her, having yet another meeting with yet another person for yet another deal.

She hadn't been very happy about it at first, but had to admit at least to herself that maybe it was for the best. In town she had finally found something she could bring to Lisa to thank her and plus they were relatively close home, which meant they would be there before night and she could go to bed to recover a bit.

The stress caused by the situation did not help either her mood or body already affected by hormonal swings of a heat that Y/N prayed to postpone as long as possible. She wasn't sleeping well due to too many thoughts, she was losing her appetite, as well as the desire to go running and that afternoon she had another one of her waves of shivers which was trying to fight with some hot chocolate in an attempt to also replenish a sugars. She had bought Solo a coffee too, but he kept holding it in his hand without drinking, too busy glaring at anyone who dared come closer than necessary, that was not even so close.

- You didn't grow up here, did you? – she asked, interrupting silence between them once again, because they spent a lot of time together, but even if he seemed willing to talk with her, their conversations were never long.

He looked at her a bit confused, putting aside his perpetual serious face for a moment, coffee still in his hand.

- Jimmy said you came here after, like me – she explained, letting out an encouraging smile and he shook his head no.

- I grew up in the area, with my family.

Y/N let out a surprised oh, going back to twirling the straw in silence as they walked towards the suv.

From the stories she had thought he had come from out of state to help Roman, but she probably misunderstood. She hadn't spent much time with Solo's family, she had only seen them once actually and he didn't open up more than necessary, most of the time talking about what there was to do during the day, well she talked, he was more comfortable listening.

- Not with them. They were always together somewhere. – he added unexpectedly, perhaps not to make her uncomfortable with another silence or perhaps not to make her feel so out of place and Y/N smiled gratefully.

Y/N saw him nod slightly, as if satisfying her had satisfied him too.

She had never really thought about it, but there was an age gap between him and those three. Now he was a big boy with muscles and a menacing look, in those years he had probably just been a kid that them didn't want around. She couldn't imagine what it was like, Y/N hadn't had any brother or sister, she had grown up alone, but the half year spent with all of them before the chaos was enough for her to understand. Maybe he couldn't have tolerated them as a kid, always together already as pack leaving him at home and doing their own business, but now he was a man, it was different.

His family is broken.

- I'm sorry, Solo...

Standing next to the black suv, he looked at her, again confused by her reaction.

- We have to do what needs to be done.

- They're your brothers no matter what.

- I swore to the Tribal Chief. They did it too. – he said serious, his tone almost angry.

In packs like theirs, still tied to old laws and traditions, it was normal to have a relationship of deep respect with those at the top. Those were legacies that were now intertwined with a changed society but still subject to natural balances, such as the amendment on property rights between mates and social hierarchies for those who belonged to or were born from groups not commonly seen well. Y/N, with her omega smell, knew a lot about it and had had to deal with it there too in the first few months, but the prospect of an acknowledgment, oath, was new and something she hadn't heard.

She saw Solo open the door to let her in, his face less angry, but still solemn.

- You don't have to – he reassured her, mistaking her silence for concern, dark round eyes stopping too long lower, at the base between her neck and shoulder, where Y/N had tightened her jacket trying to send away the cold shivers – you already have his… smell.

Smell wasn't the word he wanted to say, but what Solo was referring to, she didn't have yet.

Our mark. His mark.

That too was an old legacy, dangerous in her case, but Y/N didn't have time to think too much about it by looking for her phone which in the meantime had notified of a message.

***

Paul was a smart man. Roman had chosen him as a wise man for that very reason. There was no one in the entire country more capable than him, no one who had his level of experience. He was a lawyer, an advisor, a connoisseur, he had political support, important acquaintances within the packs and outside, plus his family had practically adopted him when he was a boy, so he was not a stranger. The wise man was many things, but honest only when necessary and Roman had never had a problem with that kind of approach in their time together. He tolerated all sorts of expedient for his purpose, he had learned the hard way how much it cost to have feelings, but everything changed if those tricks helped something of which he was not made aware.

Because Roman knew from years and life lessons. Loyalty and trust were something he no longer expected, from anyone and certainly not from someone who had stayed afloat when everyone else drowned. Everyone could be a friend, everyone could be an enemy, his wolf now did no exception and all the whispers, phone calls and messages that kept Paul busy even when they were together were nothing but further proof of a picture that he knew. The wiseman acted driven by the feeling of ground crumbling beneath their feet, frightened by changes that his cousin and those dogs on the border threatened, by the possibility of a future that Roman would not allow as long as he was able to breathe. He loved the wise man, he could forgive him being a coward, pretending not to see, at least until he took a step too far.

- So? – he asked annoyed, almost making the phone fly out of his hand.

- Two weeks. Tomorrow both of you will exchange the sogi – he reported in a heavy voice, his shoulders low, his face frowning as if someone had just stepped on him after the news.

He didn't like the prospect of that fight, first of all because he was risking his head. Roman knew even without having to ask that he would play his cards to make things better and save everything, but for him the two weeks he had dealt were too much time and those plans useless. Fourteen days were the ritual time to provide what was necessary for families, so that both parties were ready for any outcome, but for him were just a useless wait. He wouldn't be the one to lose, he had no alternatives to plan unlike Jey, he just needed to have free way and get his hands on his cousin.

- About the stipulations, I was thinking- he advanced, trying to recover as much as possible.

- There are none.

- My Tribal Chief, if I may, considering what we are facing now, it would be better to leave a few more resources and perhaps-

- There will be no stipulations.

He had complied with stipulations, conditions for weeks, suffered weakness for months, the time for mercy was over. He had left many doors open for his cousins, he had tried everything and Jey however had gone where he shouldn't, disrespecting him to the point of contesting him with the Elders, they had gone too far and now there was only one way to put an end to it. The only acceptable stipulation was unconditional surrender, total humiliation, there was nothing else to talk about. Guts were needed to keep their family in line, his dad had reminded him of this and Roman was not willing to receive other reminders in the future, he was no longer a boy. Whatever happened next, he would handle it the way he handled everything, with a firm grip and without regard, he didn't need those two to do it. He was the alpha, he had control and winning cards to play against everyone.

- How much longer do we have to stay here? – he asked, tired of waiting, staring with annoyance at the watch on his wrist.

They had been in that office longer than he was willing to tolerate and he couldn't stand listening to the wise man calls or him typing messages anymore, he didn't have all day to waste signing a deal with the governor. He had to train, dedicate the next fourteen days focusing on the goal, not sitting bored in a chair waiting for a paper that should have already been ready the second he set foot in that building.

- I'm going to immediately check where Pearce has ended up, my… – the wise man snapped to attention, but he barely managed to turn to go towards the door – tribal… chief.

Roman smelled him before even moving his gaze to the man accompanying Pearce. He had no idea who he was, he didn't remember his face if they had ever met before, but he had a smell that he didn't like. He didn't like the smell of him, he didn't like the way was staring at him, he didn't like the attitude and he sure as hell didn't like that he came around when he had business to do.

We don't like him.

- Reigns.

Pearce greeted, already adjusting glasses on his nose, his expression stressed as always. Roman didn't even look at him, focused on observing the new arrival who was already taking place at the table without having been invited. Pearce had that same attitude in the past, a couple of years ago, until Roman had taken it away from him in his own way and since then had never reappeared. He almost wanted to do the same with that new guy.

- What’s this idea Mr. Pearce?! It was supposed to be a private meeting for private business! Very important business! It's unacceptable! – complained the wise man, standing up against that lack of respect.

- Our new neighbors have informed the governor of activities across the border. It seemed right to him to invite Mr. Aldis as a delegate to clarify before signing anything. He’s in charge of that area now.

That's what he was. Another puppet, another well-dressed small dude convinced to have power or a chance against him, thought he was worth something, that he could stand face to face with Roman, thanks to the talks of those idiots to whom his cousins had left the field free. They were becoming arrogant, stupidly brave, throwing in his face that he had lost his hold in the north and that now there were others there. They hadn't gone too far yet, keeping everything legal, moving with what they could to make their voices heard, their new influence known, but Roman was fine with those games as long as they didn't go beyond the limit. And the limit was his patience running out.

- Since you no longer have jurisdiction there and the upcoming Bloodline activities threaten the entire area, restrictions must be established for the future. Real restrictions Mr. Reigns that I will take care of enforcing and making clear to you. Without it, nothing new will be authorized. – the new dude, Aldis, announced, openly defying his influence, head held high and the wise man behind him jumped.

They wanted to authorize him.

- How dare you- he screamed, but Roman simply raised a finger to silence him, the other hand gripping the chair.

That tanned, smug face of him would have looked perfect smashed onto his table or on the floor, better under his foot.

They wanted to play the big game, gamble when he already had more important business to take care of. It was almost hilarious, almost because that little game would be short-lived. He would let them do it, for a while, until Jey got what he deserved since everything that was happening was his fault. That was what happened if they left their side exposed, if they allowed a pack of strays to smell weakness, it was the price to pay for a crack and the reason Roman would have no more second thoughts.

Elders were right, he had to focus, do what he had to do and what he had been chosen for. He couldn't afford any more weaknesses or they would become ready and able to bite his throat.

- Go ahead – he conceded, collecting himself.

He would get rid of them one by one, blood of his blood or not. Without mercy.

***

She had sought comfort between now cold sheets smelling of him, curling up her legs for extra warmth, keeping her eyes tighter to ward off thoughts ready to fill her mind, but hadn't made it and her she-wolf had found Roman through the link. She had sensed him immediately, probably because he wasn't shielding anything believing that she was still asleep and Y/N had snuck out to join him in the dim light of his home office.

Mate is not here with us.

He was sitting on the couch with a solitary lamp, his face serious, fingers running through the seeds of his necklace. He was physically there, but his head was somewhere else as happened too often now. In the house he always kept the ulafala in the case, but Y/N didn't need to ask to know why he was there staring at it when he was supposed to be resting by her side, in their bed. Paul had told her as soon as he received the news, keeping to their agreement or perhaps already seeking help and Y/N had finally given a deadline to the anxiety that was weighing on her.

Fourteen days of peace before chaos, before completely crumbling what was left of the family, but in a few hours it would truly become inevitable. Or it was probably already late judging by Roman's face.

- Will you have to wear it? – she asked in a whisper, entering the room almost on tiptoe.

He hadn't told her anything about how the meeting would take place nor had he added anything about the fight, but she couldn't blame him. She had promised to stand by him, to defend him, yet she hadn't reacted well to his drastic change of plans and he didn't seem to really understand why she hadn't accepted it. What had happened was serious, but what could happened next would be even worse. Standing, she watched him keep his gaze fixed on the symbol of sacrifices, of his role and pains without turning to look at her and she too observed it, perhaps expecting a revelation.

Red for power, seeds for the rebirth of the dynasty.

She knew the value and pride behind that object, Roman had told Y/N all the stories about the ulafala, but no matter how hard she tried in her eyes it was only a necklace left weighing him down. It should have given him strength, conveyed his strength, represented the family future and instead he found himself fighting to keep it around his neck, to keep what he had gained after an argument born from unpleasant circumstances and degenerated due to old grudges.

- I earned it, represents me – she heard him reply, because in his mind it was the only thought.

She felt it, she knew it. He felt his efforts, sacrifices threatened and they were, but Y/N still felt like it wasn't Jey or Jimmy who was the real danger. At least not initially, now everything was a danger, even the elders who were supposed to accompany and advise him. Them all had fallen into a trap were building with their own hands and she couldn't resign herself to the sight of that disaster.

He's not just that for us.

- You don't need it – she reminded him, stopping looking at the ulafala to focus on him.

She saw him inspire with frustration, felt annoyance pass through him at the mere idea of continuing that conversation, his eyes far from hers.

- Go back to bed Y/N.

- Come with me then, is not mornin yet – she insisted, refusing to give up.

They had different opinions, different approaches, it had always been like that and perhaps it would never change, but they were on the same side. She didn't want to go back to their room if he wasn't there, didn't want to sleep if he wasn't there, she had been alone for too long to throw away moments, to wait two weeks to pass and then hope to go back to what they had before. She trusted Roman, she had never trusted anyone like him, but it wasn't going to end up with Jey and Y/N was honestly afraid of the aftermath he talked about. The threats were different, without blood ties and were just waiting the right moment to attack him, they wanted to get him out of the way and take everything, not just his role. No one can get rid of a weed without pulling out its roots. It had already happened with her family and now can happen again because he was focused just on what was in front of him. But she couldn't wait for the inevitable, it wasn't in her nature to do what she had to do or what he wanted, she existed to do what he couldn't.

She saw him stay silent, sign he had no intention of moving. So she stood in front of him, slipping the ulafala from his fingers without asking. That move finally forced him to raise his head, trying to understand what was happening, while she carefully placed it back in the case where he kept it and then went back to the couch. She listened him breathe heavily, scratch his dark beard with a grimace, and she sat down on his lap to take up the entire view.

- Ain't doing this talk once more – he stopped her soon, shaking his head.

- Not even if im the one asking? – she tried, seeing him immediately clench his jaw.

- Im doing it for you, for us, all! I told you and you said we were on the same side, now what?!

- I'm not taking anything back. I'm just worried it’s already too much – she confessed, not really knowing how else to explain the feeling in her.

Maybe she was giving in to the hormones, anxiety, or maybe was the fact she hadn't cared about others in years like she did now for him, but it was all happening so fast and whether Roman was ready to admit it or not, he was losing control and not facing things with a right mindset. Those outbursts of anger, the way he turned against everyone, judgments, drastic solutions, he was getting carried away by the desire for revenge and his justice. He kept saying he was doing it for them, for their future and instead seemed like a pretext to rush towards other problems. They didn't need acknowlegment, a border to build anything, they were fine, everything worked when it was just them, together. They had never been happier than in the time spent getting to know each other, digging their bond out of the dust and strengthening it. Life certainly couldn't be made up only of moments like those, dates and runs in the woods, but things could certainly have been different.

- Whatever it takes, doesn't matter, at all – he announced, almost exasperated by having to explain, by having to hear, his gaze so confident and Y/N stared at him for a moment without being able to say anything else.

Whatever it takes, he said.

The prospect of those sacrifices and ease which he said he wanted to face them would torment was heavy, but as she had sadly learned to do growing up, she hid all the worry in the back of her mind.

He didn't listen or maybe he didn't want to.

So Y/N simply moved closer, challenging his growing temper, to seek some warmth and his lips in an uncertain kiss. Saw him look at her almost suspiciously for her reaction, studying before reciprocate the kiss and sliding his hands down her thighs. Close, felt their breaths slowly mix in the silence of the dark house and that warmth she had found too late, growing from the most vulnerable part to her chest begging for comfort.

- You matter to me – she reminded him in a heated murmur, forehead resting on him, swollen lips touching, eyes burning for something that went beyond words.

She didn't really care about anything else. They could have been anywhere, surrounded by anyone or in utter desolation and Y/N would still have searched for those eyes. They were her firm point, he was her person. The thought of it terrified her, but she was done fighting and pretending. Roman was everything for her, she had nothing else anymore and she wanted, hoped... he would understand that for that exact reason they couldn't give in. They had to stay together, as a pack, mates.

She saw his gaze lingering on her lips, rising then to meet her eyes, two brown pools now dark in the dim light of the room. Felt his fingers gripping her hips, digging into soft flesh with possession, domineering and lust, marking her skin to claim and force her where she already was.

- Then you gonna be there with me, as you should – he demanded, resolute and despite fighting with everything her head suggested, Y/N nodded to please him again, letting Roman finally crash his mouth against her, satisfied.

They would find a way, they would find a solution even if it seemed difficult, they could do it together, but in that moment Y/N just needed to feel him close, just for her, far from all the noise and problems that awaited them out. They could give themselves that moment of rest, cherish it and Y/N rocked on him, moaning into his hot mouth as their bodies inexorably warmed up. His tongue was insatiable, ready to devour and intoxicate her with his good taste, thrown into a fight that she didn't even dare win. She preferred to let him have control in those moments, while her fingers made their way through dark soft locks, scratching the back of his strong neck to once again elicit that raw growl that vibrated through his broad chest into her bones. Felt his hands slide deeper, grasping her ass, encouraging Y/N to move her hips, pushing on his boner which was quickly answering to juices already wetting his pants.

She had stopped wearing panties when they went to bed a while ago and now was even grateful. She would bear nothing but the feeling of his hard body against her, pressure building like a blessed torture as he guided her growling for her to ride him shamelessly. Y/N had been trying to slow down and control herself for months now, so as not to give in to the heat of their bond, stay with feet on the ground and mind clear now that everything was falling apart, but it was an inexorable descent faster every time Roman touched her. She clung to him, feeling one of his hands travel up under her shirt to roughly grab one of her breasts, his calloused palm rubbing her sensitive nipple making her squirm. Her body had always been hyper-reactive to his attentions, but now she had fallen into a spiral with no exit. Y/N yearned him like a castaway for salvation and in moments like that the need mixed with something more, something that Y/N had never felt for anyone else and her she-wolf fought to make her whisper.

Tell him. We need him. Our mate. Tell him.

- My pussy wet as fuck hm? You need me, don't you? – he said voice like velvet, breaking their kiss and motioning for her to raise herself just enough to sink easily into her cunt – Ima fill you up good, babygirl… don't worry. Aint going nowhere and you'll be stuck with me.

The heat caused by his intrusion had already forced Y/N to open her mouth without being able to speak back, but the sudden thrust of his hips quickly accelerating to pound her almost made her cry. Hands tightened on his shoulders, eyes narrowing with each thrust and then opening as the wave of heat rose from her belly, sending her entire body into flames. Bouncing on his lap, she felt Roman moving his hand from her breast to give her a sharp slap on her ass, he did it one more time drawing a moan and then move up to her throat, to squeeze it just enough to bring tears to her eyes. Quickening the pace, in the frenzy of their moment, Y/N began to confuse the her own pounding heart with the slick sound of bodies slamming together. Her mind becomes more clouded by the second, ears filled with Roman's growls and threatening promises like dark spells ready to tear her soul and climax away. Confused between pleasure and desperation, she held him to her as he held her by the throat, twitches of her wet center uncontrolled amidst the panting of both of them that grew angrier. Room around flashed, throbbing like folds around his cock, impregnated with smell of their bodies, air charged and heavy, saturated with sweat and lust, with a mix of their smells.

They were racing with no intention of slowing down, as if the only goal was to consume, melt and crumble thanks to the other one. Y/N end came sudden and violent between a sloppy kiss and a particularly insistent push on that soft point on which Roman loved to rage without any mercy, fast, powerful, in a strangled moan that made her bare feet tingle, rising in an electric discharge up her legs to a sweaty body, chest begging and hot face. She closed her eyes, grabbing Roman's arm for her life, throwing her head back and then immediately hiding her face on his shoulder because he wasn't slowing down, he wasn't even giving her a moment to breath and she had already went over her limit. Heat kept growing and shake her, causing Y/N to lose all contact with her surroundings, ears ringing as if she had been underwater, body still crying out for more while Roman pounded furiously. Stunned, she stood abandoned in his arms, letting him have his way as he wanted, until something made her eyes widen, pushing her to gasp.

- R-Ro- she tried, because his hand had somehow left her throat, to grab Y/N by the back of her neck and tilt her head to the side.

He was holding her by her curls, beard scratching her hot neck, tongue ready to lick away sweat from her sweet pulsing weak spot to prepare it.

- Easy, stay still – his breath against her skin, so close, pushed Y/N to stiffen as much as his words – I'll be gentle, ssh…

Roman had never pushed, he had never held her like he was doing at that moment and feeling his teeth on her flesh sharper than usual, Y/N wriggled away.

- Don't - she tried again, feeling him tighten his grip, slowing down his thrusts, another hand moving to her wrist.

Why he was acting like that?

- Don't panic, its me – he reassured her, words heavy, attitude raising for her reaction and she planted her feet, her only free hand tapping on his bare chest.

It was him, Roman? Was it really him that one? Suddenly Y/N wasn't so sure and ignoring her wolf pleas, confused between the sense of discomfort and desire to give in, she pushed again to put some space between them.

- Y/N

- No, not like this! – she wailed and when finally managed to slide away from his legs, Y/N saw him jump up with a growl.

The crash of the coffee table froze her on the couch, eyes wide as she watched him pant in anger with clenched fists, body stiff. Still dirty for their moment, but with her mind completely clear now, she watched him stand there trying to regain control in a heavy silence she hadn't felt between them in a while. Roman rubbed his face, rolling his large shoulders, rocking his head and even though she was shaken, something in Y/N's chest tightened following the imperceptible direction of his gaze across the room, where she had put the ulafala away.

Did he want to mark her to prove a point? To have full control in order to not go through what had happened with his family? It was that?

Mate…

She moved her eyes to his hand, the one would have grabbed to calm him, to bring him back to there with her, the one she always found on herself for any reason even the stupidest, the one Y/N had learned to want, but a second too long passed and her hesitation was enough for Roman to quickly settle down, deciding to walk out of the room without a word to leave her again.

***

Uncle Afa was a man bent by age and illness now. When him and his dad stopped traveling around the country, he opened a gym in a recreation center on the eastern outskirts of the city where family had settled. He only trained their people at that time, city folks didn't want to set foot among savages, but his uncle ignored comments like his dad, dedicating himself heart and soul to the pack. Roman remembered going into that place the last time when he was sixteen, probably with the twins, to put on muscles that had grown bigger on their own later and fill his stomach always asking for more. The gym was different now from then, it was larger, it had incorporated buildings next door and it wasn't dusty at all. There was a sign, clean walls full of photos and articles, in the central one there was also him, right at the top.

They had organized the meeting there to have a neutral place, a place that represented everyone, a symbol of the pack values as the Elders demanded. Yet sitting at the head of the table in the gym hall, with the attention of many of his blood just beyond the threshold, Roman kept undaunted watching that perfectly framed photo at the top of the wall. He was there to talk, ready to prove his worth even if it was thanks to him that that picture had a wall to still be on, if that gym existed after his uncle's family had spent almost everything to pay the national healthcare system, if the next generations would have a place to go or eat like he did. He acknowledged his family efforts, but all of them would have been still in that dusty past of mediocrity if Roman had not taken everything into his own hands knowing he was more than what the world saw.

- Don't try, don’t think about it, I wouldn't do it if I was in your place - he heard Jimmy warn, blocking the wise man from trying to come forward to break the silence of their meeting that had already started a few minutes ago without a word.

Roman heard him clear his throat anyway, but payed no attention until Jey, the only one sitting besides him and Y/N, decided to cut it short.

- I don't have any piece of paper with me – he announced, rubbing his hands on his legs.

Roman eyed him silently, slowly tilting his head and Jey shifted in his seat, face so serious as he settled himself better to speak.

He could broaden his shoulders and give himself as much tone as he wanted, but he would never be on his level, he would never be like him and it was evident. That meeting was ridiculous, disrespectful even.

- It's just between us for me. Families have nothing to do with it – he explained, quickly nodding to whoever was outside the door – Same for Solo, he's my brother... and Y/N, she's family too. He disappears with you though and won't set foot in the packland again as long as I'm here. – he concluded, pointing to the wise man who didn't even manage to mutter his disappointment before Roman burst out laughing.

He’s crazy and dumb.

His hoarse laugh echoed throughout the entire empty hall and he didn't bother to hide it or hold back, simply running a hand over his beard to regain control only after a while. With the entire family's eyes on him, he knocked the table with his hand, eyeing his cousin once more.

Jey. The little soldier Jey. Roman had tried to keep him close, to teach him how things worked, because he loved him and still he didn’t get it. Not a single thing. Anything at all.

He persisted with his speeches even a few days before the moment which Roman would have removed him from the family, putting everything on the table to play the good pup. He wanted the title, he wanted to chase him away, but he was willing to vouch for his family anyway, for Solo who had kicked him and even Y/N… as if there was only one scenario out of all the ones imaginable in which Roman would have left her if not as a deadman or it would have allowed him to realize the ideas he had in his dumb head. He still thought the problem was him or the advice the wise man had given him to stay on top, he thought he could keep his hands clean, not involve anyone and he didn't understand that the situation they were in already, was the exact reason for which he would never have survived in Roman’s place.

- You're wasting my time – he said, giving him an annoyed smile.

Jey didn't reply, cashing in without even a nod. He was good at cashing in, Roman acknowledged it, it was his talent, perhaps his only one, but it still wouldn't have been enough against him. He might be determined and willing to fight him one more time, but it would be no use. Roman had no limits and had learned over the years and blows what was needed to kept the role he had.

- Whoever will standing at the end decides, tha’s the deal, the stipulation. There's nothing else to say – he established, tone suddenly deadly heavy.

There was nothing he wasn't willing to do or lose to keep what was his.

He saw Jey nod, imitate him and stand up and in the silence of the room leave the table to join him. Face to face to each other, he stared at his reflection in his cousin's dark eyes, the ulafala still around his neck as it was in the photo of him on the wall and as it always would be. He squeezed Jey forearm and allowed that even if the bond between them no longer existed, their wolves shared a final breath.

Blood of my blood. Brother. Traitor.

When the air left his lungs again to fill them with the stale smell of the center, Roman let go without hesitation, Jey imitating him in a perfect mirror. However, was he who turned his back on his cousin this time to go away first, ignoring the wise man's sad look and those of the rest of the family outside waiting. Y/N who had been on the sidelines the entire time, unexpectedly joined him, her back straight and face betraying nothing as she took her place next to him. Roman didn't comment, there was nothing to say.

Two weeks and he would have control again. Only two weeks before moving on.

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sillyunknownkitkat · 11 months ago

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𝓣𝓸𝓴𝓪𝔂𝓪𝓶𝓲 𝓕𝓾𝓶𝓲𝓴𝓪𝓰𝓮 𝔁 𝓫𝓾𝓫𝓫𝓵𝔂!𝓰𝓸𝓽𝓱! 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻

Tw : fem!reader, piercings, makeup, very vague description of gore, just fluff tbh

This was requested, but tumblr decided to screw my drafts up :( But hey, the staff is working on it!

When if first sees you, he's quite curious.

For the sake of this, we're going to say that UA allows piercings and makeup.

I definitely think Mina would talk to you! Like this girl probably loves fashion and alternative style

She'd probably ask you how you do your makeup, what products you use, is it easy to take it off,...

And he wasn't doing it on purpose but he listened to your conversation with her

And when he hears you talk, he feels his heart skip a beat. How could you have such a dark aesthetic but still be so bubbly?

Naturally, he's drawn out by your style but your personality?????? bonus points bby

You have to take the first step because this boy is quite reserved.

After a while, you both become close friends. Not only do you guys share the same aesthetic (well he doesn't really dress up goth but yk) but you guys have the perfect releshionship

Like moon and sun, black cat and golden retriever, ....

He can't help but slowly fall in love with you, I mean you treat him like a normal human being, heck you're so nice to him

Look at him and try to tell me he wasn't bullied of something because of his head. Kids are fucking mean man.

So when you're actually willing to spend time with him and listen to everything he has to say? He melts.

From personal experience, when you don't talk about the stuff you like because people don't care, when you find someone you can't stop talking about it.

He was really embarrassed the first time it happened and kept apologizing. Of course, you told him that he didn't need to apologize and that you were actually really enjoying hearing him talk. Give him some feedback on what he said and he's (a bit shyly) continuing the conversation.

I think that he would tell you that he loves you by accident.

Like picture this :

You're both sitting on his bed, sharing goth music that you like, and he just looks at you lovingly before muttering under his breath. "You're amazing ____, I love you so much..."

So you stop in the middle of your sentence and look at him with a big smile and say "I love you too Tokoyami."

He doesn't move for a while, not believing what just happened. When he gains back his composure, he just smiles a bit, tears of happiness forming in his eyes, and takes your hands in his before asking you out on a date.

Now, let's get to the actual relationship headcanons :)

HE. IS. A. GENTLEMAN.

Always offers you help when you seem like you might need it, praises your work, listens to everything you have to say, ....

He also writes poems for you. At first, he would just leave them on your bed for you to find them, but after a while, he reads them to you.

So, while I know he's not an actual bird, I think he has some instincts.

Like he brings you shiny things as gifts. Please don't point it out because he will get embarrassed about it.

He also coos when you guys hug, cuddle, ...

Loves when you pet Dark Shadow, I feel like some people are scared of them/it, but seeing you so happy and relaxed makes him really happy :)

He's a sucker for physical affection. I don't think he ever got a lot, so he does take steps by steps but truly adores every moment of it.

Once he's got comfortable, he is a bit clingy. Not in a bad way at all!

I think he'd prefer if you're releshionship stays secret. It's not that he's embarrassed or anything but 1A is really noisy

Love to go on dates with you. While he prefers to be In calmer places, with less people, he's open to whatever you want to do

May or May not try ritual with you :3 but that's only for my crazy girlies lol

He's a simple man, as long as he's with you he's happy

That's it :) sorry if I didn't really go onto the bubbly aspects, since I'm not like that at all I had a bit of a hard time writing it 😅

I love Tokoyami, he's so under rated :(

have a great day/night and be safe everyone <3

#mha fanfiction #mha #mha x reader #bnha fanfiction #bnha x reader #tokoyami fumikage headcanons #tokoyami fumikage x reader #fumikage tokoyami #tokoyami Fumikage fluff

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daily-hanamura · 10 months ago

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Do you ever think about how Chie (and Yukiko iirc?) have both previously called Yosuke a disappointment, meaning they were, albeit in part, one of the reasons for his low self esteem

Obviously they didn't do it on purpose, since Yosuke always tries to act like those words don't phase him, always acting like he's very confident

But I wonder, if he were to ever open up to them and start showing his more sensitive side in general, how would the girls react? Like would they feel a bit guilty or something?

Many thoughts... many very, very disorganized thoughts......

Oooooh yeah I do indeed think about this, and apart from Chie and Yukiko, Teddie has also described Yosuke as a "prince of disappointment"/"everyone's favourite disappointment"

Yosuke, of course, also being the one that calls himself a disappointment the most.

So this is just my perspective based on my life experience, but I think that to some extent, it very much reflects the kind of humour that was very pervasive around that time. As a millennial it's pretty typical for friends to rib into each other as banter (see also Yosuke to Kanji) and to employ self-deprecation as a joke, and it's kind of a mark of friendship -- you really only do that to people that you're very close friends with, because it's about in-group jokes (e.g. Chie can call Yosuke a disappointment, but that random classmate can't) and a reflection of just how well you know a person.

It's kind of complicated to talk about because I'm not saying that it was necessarily good, since it can be quite insensitive if you're not conscious of someone's personal issues. And some people definitely don't enjoy that sort of humour, because it's also highly, highly contextual and easy to misread. Some bullies also use that as a justification for why they're saying mean things, which is especially unpleasant in the workplace LOL. I feel like as I've gotten older this has become less common? Or maybe I'm just not as comfortable with the friends I've made in adulthood to want to readily rip into them? But then again I have maybe three friends I'm willing to banter like this with and we've been close friends for about a decade, which I think kind of drives home the point I'm making about how this is the kind of joke you only make with people that you've been through a lot with, which the IT are. I think it's humour that's meaningful in the narrative context because it's a signpost that indicates their shared experience in the TV world was no trivial thing, just like how Yosuke calling Yu "aibou" reflects the same sentiment.

But, as you said, because of how Yosuke puts on an act of confidence, I don't think most people pick up on it other than Yu, because Chie, Yukiko and Teddie probably just think it's part of the bit that Yosuke is doing (Yosuke also refuses to show his weaknesses to anyone other than Yu, but that's probably another conversation). One of the weaker spots of P4/G (and P5), I feel, is that it isn't as revealing about the interpersonal relationships between characters outside of the protag character. Which I don't really expect, but it was really nice to see in P3. So all we have to go on is the spin offs, and I think if we compare Chie and Yukiko's distanced friendliness with Yosuke in the Magician manga vs their expression of reliance and dependence on Yosuke in P4AU, for example, we can see that developed dynamic.

Would they feel guilty? Probably, but they're also teenagers who are still figuring out interpersonal interactions and personal boundaries (and this goes for Yosuke as well), and I think this friction is sometimes just part and parcel of growing up. I do think that if Chie and Yukiko realise that Yosuke does have a sore spot about it they'd change the way they speak with him because they genuinely care about him, especially as they mature into adulthood.

Going a little off tangent now and this is just my headcanon, but I also wonder if Yosuke initiated that sort of humour with Chie and Yukiko shortly after their rescue to help them relax. Yosuke likes to use humour to diffuse tension (which doesn't always work) but it's not hard to imagine him sensing awkwardness from the two of them (they really weren't close friends at all prior to the TV world), so he makes himself the butt of a joke to get them to laugh, and when they latch on to it he's actually kind of happy because it means he's done something useful. (ngl ever since I saw Tamami's clown motif stage in p4d I have not stopped thinking about her parallels with Yosuke)

#asks #12neonlit-stage #sorry for the very late and very long response LOL this has been marinating in my brain for weeks #and then I had to deal with deadlines and phew

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ingravinoveritas · 1 year ago

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regarding the post today about Anna's nasty comments, "jokes" etc about Michael's appearance in the last few years. Do you think there is genuine reason to feel worried about him and what it may be doing to his mental health overall? What I mean is I am starting to worry and then it makes start to spiral a bit and think that if he stays with her longer that the possibility of her "soft bullying" will escalate into actual abuse and I really don't want to think like that but it really makes me worry for him. Please tell me what you think and should I just take a step back and not think on it too hard (am I?) If you agree with me though, what do you think can be done to help him? Like as in a safe way for him to break up with her? I appreciate whatever you can do to help ease my mind at least.

martinsharmony replied to your post "So for those who haven't seen, AL posted a new..."

I have to wonder about Michael's state of mind. He has said he has his own body issues and has struggled with depression etc. The fact that he is "letting" her do this makes me worry about him a little. The fact that he's not standing up for himself and setting a boundary. From my own experience, all of this is okay, until it's not. My heart goes out to Michael. Of course I don't know the real truth. But I see a little of myself there. I recognize it.

(Grouping these two together due to having similar themes.)

First, I am glad that you felt comfortable enough to message me about this and share your thoughts. But I think there are a few things going on here, and it's important that we have some perspective. When I started responding to asks and questions about Anna on my blog four years ago, it was largely as a counter to what many of us were seeing the fans do, which was idealizing Michael and Anna's relationship and making it into some sort of fairy tale romance. Many of us could see things that did not seem to hold true to this narrative, but were afraid to discuss it openly. So the discourse became about open and honest conversations and speculation, and since GO 2 came out, that discourse has only seemingly increased (if the Asks and Anons in my inbox are anything to go by).

To your comments, @martinsharmony, these are some very good points you are raising, and I'm sorry that you see yourself in Michael's shoes. I think there's a chance many of us do, and is part of why we have the strong feelings we do--one way or the other--about this situation. I think a lot of us see Michael's visible unhappiness and are jarred by the sharp contrast between that and the narrative of him and AL being "madly in love."

I do, however, think there is a real risk of taking that line of thinking so far in the opposite direction. That is, if it's not okay for fans to assume that everything is perfect and wonderful and the absolute best with Michael and Anna's relationship, then it is also not okay to assume everything is the absolute worst, because extremes in either direction are not a good thing, and reality often exists somewhere in the middle. Reality and relationships are also infinitely complicated, which means that there often are no easy answers.

Also, because things are not ever truly black-and-white, I think it's important not to conflate being an unpleasant person with being an abuser. There tends to be an assumption that an abuser is mean and nasty all the time, every day, but so many abusers are viewed as "the nicest person you ever met" by everyone but the victim, which is how they are so often able to get away with what they do. Conversely, someone (such as Anna) might be self-absorbed, immature, and annoying, but that does not make them an abuser.

Again, in no way, shape, or form am I saying that it is a bad thing to care about Michael, or to want him to be happy. But what we are ultimately talking about here is Michael's agency--that is, his right to make his own choices, and to deal with and feel whatever he feels about the consequences of those choices. By either romanticizing or catastrophizing his relationship with Anna, we are unintentionally removing that agency. We have to remember that Michael is an adult man who has been in many other relationships in his life, and has navigated those (with varying degrees of success) on his own. So while we can have conversations and engage in discussion here, it is very much not appropriate and not our place to intervene with any of this personally or to try and facilitate the breakup of Michael's relationship.

Remember, too, that Michael has people in his life that he can trust and confide in--his parents (who are still alive and live near him, bless them), his sister, his friends. And he has David, of course, which we know is a beautiful thing. He and David have gotten immeasurably closer over the last four years and it is genuinely heartwarming to know that he can turn to David. The point here is that while we are fans of Michael's, we are not his family nor his friends. But Michael is not alone in this, and has support available to him, and that is something to be grateful for.

Going back to my previous comments about agency, one of the things that I know I love about Michael is that he is always going to do what he wants to do. He has reasons for doing those things, which means that if he is still with Anna, there is a reason for that (even if it is, as many of us believe, due to wanting to be there for the kids). And if/when Michael should decide to break up with her, there will be a reason for that as well. The most important thing, however, is that it's his choice. That if he decides he's made a mistake, it's his mistake to own, and not something for us to save him from.

I hope this has helped to put your mind at ease. I also want to make it clear that I absolutely do not have all the answers, and this (like all my posts) is my own opinion. Taking a step back might still be a good idea, as we can all find ourselves becoming too invested from time to time, and it is good to take a breather on occasion and find perspective. Glad as always for my followers to share their thoughts on this post as well...

#harmoniaserpentine #martinsharmony #reply post #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #relationships #also i have no doubt Michael has set boundaries and spoken up for himself #so what we see on social media might just be what he is barely willing to tolerate #but that is a whole other discussion for another day #anna lundberg #thoughts #discourse

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bookshelf-dust · 2 years ago

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imsosorry i'm about to request again (just tell me to stop if they get too much)

could you write a fic with Gareth where reader is usually very talkative and cheerful but someone shouted at them about it being annoying, and now they keep sentences to a minimum, so Gareth tries to find out what happened? and maybe gets angry at the person for shouting at them? this time I may have done it a little bit too precise, sorry

(again, sorry for requesting so much, it's just that you write them so !!! undescribable. beautiful. gorgeous. CHEFS KISS. and you're so FAST AT WRITING THEM?? amazing)

going quiet.

gareth emerson x gn!reader

word count: 1,610

warnings: swearing, bullying, andy, gareth gets angry, fluff/comfort

a/n: hii!!! do not apologize for requesting! it makes me feel loved and i’m so so happy that you like the way i write him and that you trust me with your ideas! and your idea is indeed perfect. seriously don’t apologize. i love it when you request things and i appreciate it. also it’s easy to write these when you’re so sweet. and i hope this doesn’t suck. <333 (also i will use any chance i can get to bully jason’s goons).

————

“Well, I like The Breakfast Club a lot, actually. I just hate the ending because of Allison’s makeover. It pisses me off that Andrew didn’t have eyes for her until she looked like every other girl in sch—”

“It seems that everything pisses you off, huh?”

You’d been talking to Nancy, but that wasn’t who was speaking to you now.

You turned your head, fingers gripping the edge of your open locker door. Andy was looking at you, hands in the pockets of his varsity jacket, a sick smile on his face.

“I’m sorry?”

“You’re just really fucking annoying.”

Andy’s voice made your stomach drop. You’d been just fine, talking to Nancy, some mindless conversation about movies because she’d had a similar talk with Robin over the weekend—who shared your opinions on Allison and Andrew.

But now it was like someone had opened a window when it was much too cold to do so, a rush of cool air sending a chill down your spine.

Andy seemed to have a way of doing that.

“You know, my locker is just down there,” he pointed, “and everyday I hear you blabbing about whatever shit you seem to think is important. Frankly, I’m just sick of hearing your voice. The world would benefit from you shutting the fuck up, I think.”

Your hands were shaking now. “What the hell, Andy? Why are you being such an asshole?” Nancy raised her voice, trying to confront the boy, but he just tossed his head back in glee, and walked off.

You always told yourself that you could stand up for yourself in a situation like this. You could do it easily anytime someone said something to Gareth or one of the kids, but his comment had come out of nowhere, and you’d been too shocked to fight back.

It had been the way he said it really, the way he looked at you. Like you were a nuisance, and it hurt your feelings.

He’d targeted one of the main things you were comfortable with—talking to people you cared for about things you loved. You’d been around people who let you be yourself for some time, so being told that your passion and cheerfulness was annoying was the worst thing he could’ve chosen to pick on.

Deep down, and in every vein, it hurt.

“You okay, Y/N? Really you can’t listen—”

You raised your hand, cutting her off. “I’m fine, Nance.”

And then you were off, hoping that the way you could feel your eyes glazing over wasn’t obvious to any onlookers.

Nancy didn’t see you again until lunch, but she was sat with Robin and some of the school newspaper kids, you with the Hellfire Club. She tried to see if you were okay just by looking at you, hoping that you hadn’t let Andy’s comment hurt you, but the bounce of your leg under the table told her otherwise.

“Did you finish your book last night?” Eddie was looking at you, shoveling pretzels in his mouth, eyebrows raised while waiting for your response.

You felt Gareth bump your leg with his knee, knowing you would be excited to talk about your book if you had indeed finished it. Yesterday you’d been very close, with only a couple chapters left.

“Yeah,” you said, finishing the rest of your drink and trying to avoid eye contact with Eddie, which he had did not like.

“How was it?” He inquired.

“Fine.”

“That’s it? We don’t get to hear about the ending? The grand reveal?” Eddie wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, sitting up at your vagueness.

“Nothing to tell. It was fine.”

“Are you alright, Y/N?” Gareth grabbed your hand under the table, and you fought the urge to pull away from him.

“I’m—”

“If you say fine, I’m going to scream,” Eddie declared.

“I’m okay,” you finished instead, looking back and forth between them both.

Eddie rolled his eyes, though he wouldn’t argue because you had come up with another response.

Gareth looked over your face like he was searching for something. “Gareth, please.”

He knew that tone. It either meant, I’m fine—really—or it meant I don’t want to do this right now. Either way, he dropped it.

In class that afternoon you worked silently beside him, even though you were supposed to be working with him on a project. When he asked you questions you gave one worded responses or simply nodded or shook your head.

That night he called you after dinner like he always did. For a minute he was worried you wouldn’t even pick up, the phone having rung for so long, but you did.

“Hello?”

“Hey, sweetheart. You okay?”

“Fine, Gareth.”

You could hear him sigh loudly on his end, even though it was clear he’d pulled away to try and not make it so obvious that he was concerned and a little stressed out about your behavior.

“The twins want you to come for dinner this weekend.”

“That’s nice.”

“Is that okay? Not too busy?”

“That’s okay.”

The entire conversation you were soft spoken. It was practically killing the boy. You were never this quiet, in tone of voice or in the amount you had to say. You always liked to talk about everything and nothing with Gareth and with Eddie, or Dustin or Lucas.

You were an excited person. You liked to geek out about something or listen to someone else do the same.

And you weren’t doing that.

Something was wrong. Gareth was sure of it. He just had to figure out what.

————

“Did something happen? Something that I don’t know about?”

Gareth tracked down Nancy the next day, even if that meant he was now standing awkwardly in the corner of the school paper’s preparation room.

He crossed his arms, feeling increasingly nervous.

“They’re not talking are they?”

“No. Nancy, come on. What the hell happened?”

She exhaled. “Andy made an appearance yesterday morning. Decided he’d be a prick and told them they were,” she lifted her hands to use air quotes, “‘Really fucking annoying.’ Then he went on about how they never shut up and that the world would in fact benefit from them doing so.”

Gareth ran a hand down his face.

“I told them not to let it affect them,” Nancy continued, “but I think this one was a little too close to home, you know?”

Gareth nodded, suddenly feeling very angry.

“Yeah. Yeah, I know. I’ll figure this out. Thanks, Wheeler.”

————

Luckily for Gareth, he ran—literally—into Andy right after his chat with Nancy. It was lunch, which is why he’d come looking for answers because you were nowhere to be found.

“Watch it, freak.”

“Why don’t you, asshat?”

“Excuse me?” Andy turned on the other boy, brow furrowing, chest puffing out like he was trying to show off.

Gareth was fired up. He never fought. At least he hadn’t since middle school.

He had sisters to be a good example for, and he really didn’t want to be trouble for them—or his mom. He also really didn’t like split knuckles.

But right now, he was astronomically pissed.

Gareth grabbed hold of Andy’s collar, yanking him close.

“Why’ve you got to be such a fucking asshole all the time huh? Because let me tell you, nobody needs to hear your opinions or your bullshit outlook on the world.”

“What the hell is your problem, man?” Andy’s voice cracked, as he was clearly not expecting Gareth to have confronted him like this. Not when the latter usually just flipped the former off and moved on.

But this was about you this time. Your feelings had gotten hurt. And Gareth couldn’t protect himself from these things, but he could protect you.

“You’re an asshole, that’s my problem.”

Gareth let Andy go, shoving him back much more gently than he’d been holding the boy.

Little did he know, you were propped up against the wall across the way, watching this little interaction from afar.

“Jesus man, shit,” Andy said, rubbing at his collarbones.

“Just fucking stop this shit, yeah? I don’t care about whatever dumbass reason you’ve got for taking your feelings out on people, but just leave my friends out of it.”

Gareth shook his hands out, and the gesture seemed to frighten Andy, who hadn’t realized he was that strong before this moment.

“Yeah, whatever man.”

And then he was gone.

Gareth ran his hands down his face, and you took that as your queue to approach him. You reached up, carefully grabbing his wrists and wrapping your fingers around them.

Gareth jumped. “Damn! You scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry.” You planted a kiss on his cheek, and he went bright red.

“I take it you figured it out?” His brow furrowed at your question. “I was watching,” you clarified.

“Oh. Oh. Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Gareth, you don’t have to apologize. I appreciate you sticking up for me. I should’ve done it myself, and come to you, but he just—”

“He hurt your feelings?” You nodded. “I know. Sometimes certain things just hit wrong, yeah?”

“Yeah.” He grabbed your face in both hands and kissed the top of your head.

“Hopefully he fucks off. But either way, I want you to know that I love hearing you talk. I love it when you get excited and you get loud and you share all the little things that make you feel that way, okay? I don’t want you to change or shut down because of someone. Especially Andy.”

That got a laugh out of you, and Gareth thought that sound could’ve cured everything wrong with the world.

————

please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33

#gareth emerson #gareth emerson x you #gareth emerson x reader #gareth emerson fic #gareth emerson x y/n #gareth emerson fanfiction #gareth emerson fanfic #gareth emerson oneshot #gareth emerson imagine #gareth the great #gareth stranger things #gareth emerson comfort #gareth emerson angst #savannah’s fics

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screamingfromuz · 11 months ago

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hi. i know this isn't an easy question to answer but i'm very lost right now so i would appreciate any advice. how can you deradicalise someone away from conspiracy theories? my white roommate has been liking israel did 10/7 posts, as well as some praising mob attacks on random diaspora jews, and i'm really scared. it's all because of twitter. i've given her my login info for a couple of newspapers i subscribe to but she hasn't been reading them. i've sent her links to books/podcasts but she doesn't open them (just says oh thank you and then nothing). she doesn't listen when i tell her bluntly she should stop getting her news from the site run by a neonazi. i am not a zionist and i know i'm significantly more pro palestine than her (she didn't even know who ben gvir was or what the west bank was the one time we talked about it, i really think it's just a Correct Twitter Opinion for her), but i'm scared she'll dismiss me as anti palestinian and deem me a bad jew if i say anything and i'm not in a position to move out rn. i'm so nervous and feel like i'm walking on eggshells all the time. please let me know if you know of any resources for this kind of situation. i don't know what to do

first, I know you said you cannot move out right now, but get an escape plan ready, just in case. Deradicalization should never come at the cost of your safety.

two, efficient deradicalization does not use facts, sending articles and podcasts is useless because of the nature of ideologies. Althusser explained that ideologies have a central place in the perception of reality of someone, your ideology is part of you, and forcing change on others never ends well. If you want to deradicalize her, you must engage in a conversation that acknowledge emotions and the way people get defensive when their opinions are challenged. Talk about the emotional reality of the matter, ask her why she thinks that it was an inside job, or what makes her comfortable attacking random Jews and them deconstruct that belief with her. If you feel comfortable, you can ask if she thinks it's ok if you were attacked, if she would praise people that would put you in danger.

this will require the trickiest thing in deradicalization, you must not come from a place of moral superiority, you must come from a place of equality and serve as a companion and not a guide. deradicalization is placing a mirror in front of someone and helping them examine themselves and develop empathy for "others".

this is a long process, that often requires you to teach people a whole new language. I can tell you that part of deradicalization here is simply getting the term "Palestinian" into the vocabulary.

I will warn you, it only works if the other person has a desire to change. deradicalization is a lot like speech therapy, it will take time.

this is a great video that might give you tools. Daryl Davis is am amazing person and a role model for how to deradicalize people.

youtube

good luck love, be safe.

#deradicalization #jumblr #conspiracy theories #daryl davis #ask uz

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elisysd · 1 year ago

Text

Somewhere only we know – Keane

Masterlist - Previously - Next Chapter

So, tell me when you're gonna let me in I'm gettin' tired, and I need somewhere to begin

The bottle of red wine brought by Charles had not lasted long and the two young adults had quickly found themselves a bit tipsy. They both laughed happily at every little thing, no matter how insignificant, and started a game of Q&A about each other's tastes. It was an opportunity for them to get to know each other a little better. It started with harmless questions, like their favourite colour. Red for Charles and yellow for Lyanna. But very quickly the conversation became deeper.

“Hey, if you hadn’t been a F1 driver, what would you be?”

“Architect, or anything that is remotely connected to art and building. What about you?”

“I don’t know to be honest. The only thing I’m good at is acting, I never thought of doing anything else. And with acting I can be so many different people. Like, once I was the daughter of a fisherman. I had to do so many research and I spent three weeks in Alaska, where the movie was shot to understand what it was like to live the way they do. It’s so different from what I was used to and it really was an eyed opening experience. Acting is all about knowing your character inside and out. I would not trade that for anything in the world.”

“What’s the toughest thing in your job?”

She hesitated briefly.

“Being away from my family. I’m used to it by now, but still, it’s not always easy especially when you are missing birthdays and family gathering. Yes, there are phone calls and texts but it’s not the same.”

“Yeah, I feel you. It’s the same for me. I’m a family guy but even if I have the chance to have my brothers travelling with me most of the time, it’s still hard. I chose this life; I can’t really complain.”

“That’s the thing with our jobs, we can’t complain because we are part of the lucky ones. So many people dream of being out our place and failed, it’s not fair to them to say that our lives suck when it’s not the case.”

“That and also my family sacrificed so much to see me fulfil my dream, I can’t let them down.”

“Can I ask you something really personal, Charles? You can tell me you don’t want to answer if I’m going to far.”

He nodded.

“Are you racing because that’s what you love more than anything or are you doing it because you don’t want to feel like you failed your dad and Jules?”

“I’d say a little bit of both. There is nothing that makes me happier than getting in the car and race, but I would lie if I said that being at Ferrari is my dream and only mine. It was our dream, to me, my dad and Jules. I want to stay there and win a championship with Ferrari for them.”

It was the first time he admitted to someone, even to himself but for some reason it just came so naturally with her. He knew he would not be judged. He didn’t have to be the guy who knew exactly what he was supposed to do. He didn’t have to pretend that he had his life figured out and mapped out. God knew she didn’t so he didn’t have to pretend in front of her. They could be two lost people together. She didn’t say anything and when Charles looked at her, he noticed that she was sound asleep.

Uncomfortable with the idea of leaving her alone with the door unlocked (he didn't feel like going through her things looking for the keys to the flat), he decided to settle down on the couch after putting Lyanna in bed. She was heavier than she looked, much to Charles' surprise, who winced when he took her in his arms. She was so deeply asleep and relaxed that her muscles had become heavy. Charles had taken this as a sign that she was perfectly comfortable in his presence, which pleased him.

Once back in the living room he grabbed a cushion that was lying on the floor and a blanket that was curled up on the armchair by the fireplace. He knew he was in for a bad night, but at least he was reassured that nothing would happen to the actress.

Indeed, the night was tough. If Charles had to rank the worst nights of his life, the one he had just spent would be in pole position. His back was stiff and every single bone in his body was aching. Every stretch he made to wake up his still sleeping body hurt like hell. Every movement was agony. As best he could, he stood up from the couch and gave it a nasty look. He had to say something to Lyanna about this.

Speaking of, he was surprised to not see her awake. The sun was already high in the sky and he could hear the bustling crowds outside the windows of the apartment. He slowly approached Lyanna's room and tried to listen to see if he could hear any noises behind the door indicating that she was awake. Nothing.

Faced with this silence, he took the initiative to surprise her by preparing breakfast. He was also hungry, which was probably the main reason why he found himself in front of Lyanna's fridge and kitchen cupboards, and noticed to his horror that they were empty. There was not a single thing he could do for breakfast. So he chose the next option: home delivery.

Lyanna was startled awake by the doorbell. The young woman was not expecting anyone, and it was with a pounding headache that she got out of bed. Still groggy from the previous night's events and the alcohol consumed at the party and afterwards with Charles, she clumsily pulled on a sweatshirt that was lying on the floor. She fumbled for her phone, only to find it completely dead. The day was definitely off to a good start. The second thing that made her suspicious was the noise that seemed to come from the kitchen. On her guard, she quietly and slowly opened the door to her room and saw a sneaky figure in the living room. It took her a few seconds to realise that it was Charles.

“What the heck are you doing here?” she asked him, surprising him.

“Didn’t feel good about letting you alone with the door unlocked yesterday.”

“So you just stayed there? Where did you sleep?”

“Your couch. A couch that you should change if you want my opinion because it’s fucking uncomfortable.”

“Yeah, well it’s a couch it is not made to be slept on Charles. And I won’t change it, I’m not gonna stay here anyway.”

Her comment stopped Charles dead in his tracks as he held both coffees in his hands. For the first time he was truly aware that Lyanna would leave sooner or later. The young woman noticed the confused look on her friend's face and feared for a moment that she had said or done something wrong.

“It’s just that I didn’t realise that you were going to leave Monaco at some point.” He explained to her.

“Yeah, well I’m here to work, my life is in London. What were you thinking? That I was going to fall in love with Monaco and leave everything behind?” she said amused while laughing slightly.

“I don’t know what I was thinking to be honest. When are you leaving?”

“In a month exactly. I already booked my plane ticket to go back home. I can’t wait to sleep in my bed again. You travel a lot, you know how it is. When you’re away from home, what you miss the most is your bed.”

Charles absent-mindlessly groaned is response. She was genuinely happy to leave and he couldn’t help but to feel a little hurt. Of course that, deep down, he knew that she wasn’t here to stay but still, he didn’t want to have to tell her goodbye.

“I’m going to miss you, you know.” he confessed, a little abruptly.

She looked at him.

“Same. You made Monaco a little more bearable, but hey, I’m still here for now. Let’s not be sad for something that hasn’t happened yet!”

Charles then proceeded to explain to her that his season was about to start again and that in the next few days he would be doing a lot of travelling back and forth between Maranello and Monaco. He knew that he would have little time for her. This suited Lyanna perfectly as she was also very busy. But still, the two young adults were aware that the bubble in which they had isolated themselves over the last few weeks was about to burst and that reality was catching up with them at full speed.

“Well, I’d say, let’s make the most out of these three weeks.”

“You’re right. How do you feel about dinner? Out?”

She hesitated. There are some automatisms that you can’t get rid of, not matter how hard you try.

“ If I tell you that it won’t be in public and I can organize something where I can guarantee you it’ll only be the two of us, without any risks of being interrupted, does it reassure you?”

“You’re not going to rent out a place, are you? Because if so, let me tell you that it’s a boring cliché.”

He laughed.

“Who do you take me for?”

She arched an eyebrow in response.

“Okay, okay. But trust me on this one.”

“You are not going to give me the choice, so go ahead. But please, nothing too grand.”

“You are going to love it! I gotta go, I have some calls to make. I’ll text you the details later.”

Charles was excited that the young woman had agreed. He got up from the couch, put on his shoes awkwardly, under Lyanna's amused eye, and approached her, planting a kiss on her forehead before bursting out the door. Lyanna laughed silently and shook her head. She was curious to see what the Monegasque would prepare for her.

It was Arthur, Charles' younger brother, who was called in for the operation. Charles had thought big. He was going to take Lyanna to dinner at sea, on his yacht, away from the people and the constant bustle of Monaco. Nothing but them and the sea as far as the eye could see and the sunset. He hoped it would relax Lyanna and that she would enjoy the attention. But a part of him was anxious, nonetheless. What if she got seasick? What if she hated the ocean? What if she got sick from his cooking, he would blame himself. And at the same time, he wasn't taking any risks with pasta Bolognese. Unless she was vegan. He should have asked. Seeing his brother on the verge of panic, Arthur decided to have some fun and see how much stress he could add to his brother.

“You are aware that it looks like a date, right?”

“It’s not a date.”

“It sure looks like it.”

“It is not.”

“If you say so.”

“It’s a friendly date, then.”

Arthur groaned in response.

“Stop it.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“We’re just friends Arthur.”

“I believe you.”

“She is leaving soon anyway. And I’m gonna be busy with the end of the season.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

Charles sighed, clearly annoyed. Why did it seem so hard to believe that there was only friendship between him and Lyanna? For Charles, this friendship was far too precious and important to him to let it be ruined by any further desires. He didn't want a relationship for a long time. His priority was his career, the rest was irrelevant. And what was the point of starting a relationship when he knew he didn't have room for one in his life? No, really, he and Lyanna would never be anything more than friends. And that was just fine.

“Come on, make yourself useful, go and sweep the floor for me.” he commanded his brother.

“You owe me 50 euros for that!” complained Arthur.

Lyanna got a text from Charles the morning after asking her to wear something casual but dressy at the same time. He could not be vaguer if he wanted to. So it was a lost Lyanna who called her childhood best friend Emilie to ask her advice and to summarize the situation, which already took her a good hour.

“You do know that it’s a date, Lya?”

“It’s not. It’s a friendly outing away from people so I can be comfortable. It’s thoughtful.” the actress tried to justified.

“He definitely wants to bang you girl. No guy is this nice with a girl unless he’s trying to get her into bed.”

“Charles is not like that.” Defended Lyanna.

“Darling, I love you but you’re so naïve sometimes.”

“Is it so hard to believe, hum? That he wants to be my friend? You’re friend with a lot of guys and I’ve never told you anything about it!”

“It’s not the same.”

“How so?”

“Okay. I did some research on him. And don’t be mad…”

“Emilie…” groaned Lyanna.

“This guy seems to be a walking red flag. I looked at his dating history and it doesn’t look good.”

“Well perfect because I don’t want to be a part of that. Again we’re just friends. Nothing else.”

“Yeah well, he was also friends first with is exes … I’m just saying be careful okay. I don’t want you to end up like how you ended up when you broke up with James.”

“I won’t. Charles is a nice guy, really. I trust him and you know how hard it is for me to trust people. It means something, right?

“I still don’t like him but I won’t change your mind so I give up, for now.”

“Thanks, and I’ll prove you wrong about him just wait and see.”

Emilie gave up and after another hour of facetime going through the contents of Lyanna's wardrobe, the choice was made for an emerald green linen short jumpsuit with a bare back. White wedge sandals and some silver bracelets completed the outfit. Lyanna wore her hair in a braid and chose to leave her face bare, without makeup. She liked herself better this way.

“Good luck for your date that is not a date. I want to know every single details as soon as you come back.”

“Promise. And thanks again. He is supposed to be picking me up real soon. I have to go.”

She was about to hang up when her friend interrupted her.

“Hey Lyanna…”

“Yes?”

“I just want to see you happy, okay. I know that I can be a little protective over you but I just don’t want to see you heartbroken again.”

“It won’t happen. I promise you.”

“And if Charles is really honest, ask him to talk to you about his exes, okay? Because from an external point of view, his past relationships make him look like a jerk.”

“If the opportunity comes up I will if it can make you feel better. I really gotta go though, love you.”

“Love you too. Have fun but not too much fun.”

“Yes mom!”

They quickly exchanged their goodbyes before hanging up. One last look in the mirror before meeting Charles outside, a few blocks away from the residential building, a long and deep breath and she was ready.

“A Fiat 500? Really?”

Those were her first words when she saw him, dressed in a plain blue shirt, a pair of white trousers and his Ray ban sunglasses hanging loosely from his collar. He was standing proudly next to the car, a smile beaming on his face.

“I thought that the Pista wasn’t really giving ‘we want to stay on the lay low’ kind of vibes. So I rented this! What do you think?”

“Are we both going to fit in there? Or will we have to squeeze because it seems so tiny.” she said with a grimace.

“Oh come on, I know a lot of people who would be overjoyed at the idea of being stuck with me in this box.”

“Your ego doesn’t need me to feed it.”

“I’m wounded Lyanna. Deeply.” he replied with both hands on his chest, pretending to have been mortally injured.

The young woman laughed heartily and patted him on the back of the head before opening the passenger door and getting into the seat. The journey was made in silence, only punctuated by the music coming from the radio. They soon arrived not far from the harbour where Charles parked the car before beckoning Lyanna to follow him. A few metres further on, they stopped in front of Charles' yacht.

“Tadam!” he exclaimed.

“Your yacht. Are you playing to kill me and throw my body in the water?”

“Ah ah, smartass. I hope you’re not seasick and you like pasta because that’s what we are going to eat. I planned a little trip on the water. I told you I was going to find a way to give us privacy and still enjoy being out.”

“I have to admit, well done. I didn’t think you were that resourceful.”

“I’m full of surprises. Stick around and you might find more.”

Charles was the first to climb aboard before reaching out to Lyanna who took it, having little confidence in the bridge between the boat and the mainland. Charles' firm hand in hers did not prevent her from wavering slightly as she stepped onto the yacht. Her hip bumped against the rail and she winced in pain. Although she didn't have a bruise there, David's grip on the red carpet had left her muscle sore.

“You’re okay?” asked Charles.

“Yeah, I’m fine don’t worry. I’m just a little sore here, nothing bad though. I’ll survive.”

“A bad fall? I have a good doctor if you need one.”

“I’m not made on paper Charles, I’m fine, okay. Just drop it, please. David just has a strong grip, that’s all. He hurt me a little.”

“What do you mean ‘he has a strong grip’? Charles asked with a frown.

The actress briefly explained to him, without going into the details of their altercation, what had happened with David on the red carpet. But her explanation did not seem to please Charles who tried to ask her more precise questions, feeling that the young woman was not telling him everything.

“Lyanna, I’m just going to be straightforward but has he been violent with you? Physically.”

“Oh no Charles, you’re not going to act like a watchdog with me, okay. I won’t allow it. He is just an arrogant asshole; I’m not scared of him. And you’re certainly not going to stick your nose into my business.”

He grumbled a little but, anxious not to ruin the dinner, he let it go. Charles then went to the cabin of the boat to indicate to the captain that they were ready to leave and then motioned to Lyanna to come with him and together they went to the back of the boat where Arthur had set up a nice table waiting for them. The pilot proceeded to pull Lyanna's chair so that she could sit in it. At his gesture, she gave a soft laugh.

“A real gentleman.”

“Or you do things the right way or you don’t do them at all.” He replied.

He then excused himself to fetch two plates that were waiting to be eaten.

"Well, you didn't do things halfway," Lyanna said.

“You deserve it and I did promise you a nice evening. And as it probably is our last before a long time, let’s enjoy it.”

“To our last times, then.” she toasted, a drink of champagne in her hand.

“Hey, we will still see each other. Not as much but I’m sure we will find occasions.”

“How come?” she asked, genuinely curious.

“Well, you could come to some of my races? I was thinking that maybe you could come with me in the Netherlands. It’s the next one in three weeks. And you don’t have to watch from the Ferrari garage if it scares you, you could be officially Pierre’s guest. Kika will be there, you could spend time with her you know.” At this point he was rambling.

“I see you thought this through.”

The truth was, he did. Charles could not bring himself not to have her around. He had become far too accustomed to her presence and the idea of being away from her bothered him more than he had imagined. So he had spent the day thinking of a solution. Preferably one that wouldn't make her run away in advance. He knew that if she came to one of his races, it would only rekindle the rumours, and considering how it had gone the last time for them, he certainly didn't want the situation to happen again.

“And what do you think? I have a whole plan prepared, you just have to say yes and I’ll take care of everything.”

“Charles… I have no doubt that you do but I can’t come. I’m wrapping up the movie soon and I’m really needed here, I can’t leave. And then I wanted to go back in France for a few days to see my family before going back to London. I just don’t have the time to squeeze a race in there.”

“You can’t or you don’t want to?” he asked abruptly, hurt by her answer.

“Don’t take it like that…”

“I’m trying to find solutions to not have to say goodbye to you Lya.”

“And it’s really nice from you. But hear me out as well. I can’t drop everything to be at your side every chance we get. I have my life too, my work and obligations. It’s not that I don’t want to be there with you.” She explained.

“Well if you don’t want to come to Zandvoort, come to the football charity game organized this week. I would love to have you there and you won’t be alone, Kika will be there too since Pierre is participating. And I will film some stuff for my youtube channel. I would like to have your input.”

“Don’t you have a team to help you with that? Surely, they know what they are doing.”

“They do, my best friends manage most of the content I post online but I would like to have your opinion, you know, as someone who is used to being in front of the camera.”

“Well, tell me when it is exactly and I’ll see what I can do.”

The rest of the dinner went relatively well. Charles opened up a lot about his past and told her some funny anecdotes about is dad and Jules without having Lyanna asking for it. It made her happy, seeing that he trusted her enough to let her inside this aspect of his past. But Lyanna could not help but to have in the corner of her mind the words of her best friend, telling her to let Charles speak about his dating history. She didn’t know how to ask him without it being awkward.

“Can I ask you an intrusive question?” She ventured.

“Yeah. I’m not hiding anything.”

“How come you don’t have anyone in your life?”

He sighed and leaned against the back of his chair, staring into space, trying to find the best way to formulate his thoughts.

“If I’m meant to have this conversation, we should at least have it while eating the tiramisu I bought.”

He stood up and quickly returned with two generous slices of Italian cake.

“I didn’t have much romantic relationships in my life. Well, not many that really mattered I would say. My life is busy, always being away, working a lot, you know how it is. It doesn’t allow me much time to meet people or develop new relationships. If I’m being honest, you are the first person, in a long time, I befriended that is not from Monaco or that is not linked to the motorsport world. And you see what happened with the rumours, everytime I’m seen with a girl, it is blown out of proportion. It scares away a lot of people. So it’s really not helping. The scrutiny I get on the daily is hard to handle. I’m not counting on the number of paparazzi pictures of me and my ex-girlfriends that were in the press.” He explained.

“Is this why you always date girls that are in the same friends group?” The question slipped out and he looked at her in surprise. “Sorry, it’s rude. It’s just that I read that online and… anyway forget it.”

“I… well… I mean, I guess it has always been easier this way? It’s no excuses and I know that it can make me look like the biggest jerk ever…”

“No, you think?” she tells him sarcastically.

“The truth is, that way you don’t have to question people motive, I can already trust them a little bit. I don’t have to tell them my story, I don’t have to allow the trust to grow. Time wise, it’s easier and it’s spared the awkward situations.”

“Yeah well, basically you are saying that you don’t have to go through what you went through wit me. I don’t know how to take it.”

“Lyanna, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s not the same with you.”

“How so?”

“Because I know that nothing will ever happen between us. We are just friends, you are not expecting anything from me. It’s refreshing.”

She didn't show it but deep down she was hurt.

“Am I a distraction for you?”

“What? No of course not. Why would you think that?”

“Because that’s how you make me feel right now. Like I don’t matter. Like I can be replaceable.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that I want you in my life Lyanna? Our friendship is important to me. We don’t know each other for that long but you quickly became one of the most important people in my inner circle. I want you to meet my other friends, I want you to meet my family, I want to show you what my job is, I want to include you, okay? It’s clear from my end. The question is will you let me to?”

Lost in the middle of the ocean, with the water stretching as far as the eye could see, Lyanna felt trapped. So she got up from the table and went to lean against the rail a few metres away.

“I would love to trust you fully Charles, but it’s hard for me. If I do that, if I let my guard down with you, I need to be two hundred percent sure that I’m not making a mistake, that I can trust you and you won’t judge me. Because I would not be able to handle it.”

Charles slowly approached her before putting his arms around her shoulders and pulling her against him. She could feel his breath in her hair and his body scent mixed with the smell of the sea air and his aftershave reassured her. She felt good, protected and safe there.

“I promise you Lyanna, you will always have me in you corner, no matter what happens;”

She moved away from him and sat down on the floor. He did the same.

“Then, I guess it’s time for me to tell you what happened 5 years ago.”

========

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#charles leclerc #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x reader #fiction #writing #charles leclerc imagines #charles leclerc x female reader #cl16 #cl16 x reader #charles leclerc blurb #charles leclerc one shot

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soracities · 1 year ago

Note

Just a note from the other side of unrequited love - I (f) was completely blindsided when my friend (also f) told me she was in love with me. I thought we were just very good friends who’d known each other for a decade.

Her telling me was very sweet, but now I think about it, just added to my stress - I was telling her about one of my lowest points (which at the time was recent) where I had been made to feel completely inferior, and in return told me I was perfect to her. I sincerely thanked her, surprised by her insistence, and continued my story, but she interrupted me to tell me again that I was perfect. And that she loved me.

She asked my feelings - said it was fine if I didn’t feel the same. I think I knew in my heart that I didn’t, but I was so shocked and wanted time to think it through, which only confirmed I didn’t feel that way about her. I told her in one of the most awkward conversations in our friendship, and said that I hoped we could stay friends if she wanted to. She did.

And so we continued. I’d asked her when she told me - how long? when did you realise? what made you realise? - but she couldn’t answer. Though I’d been curious, I put them out of my mind for her comfort, and tried to return to normal.

It’s different now, though, for me, and I don’t think she realises. She makes occasional comments about how good we’d be as a couple because of how well we get on, or jokes about how we fall into traditional stereotypes of husband and wife. She’s even offered a few times again, jokingly-but-not, saying “I would still date you if you ever changed your mind…” She occasionally asks about my love life, and reiterates the offer. I make my feelings clear, and we change the subject, but I think I need to have a direct conversation to end it because I feel so uncomfortable every time it comes up as I know I won’t change my mind.

At first, I felt like I should love her the way she wants me to. How shallow am I to throw away a relationship just because I don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction to her? But I’m realising that to place such expectations on myself is unfair, and that shallow as it may be, those are two of the defining features that delineate platonic and romantic love. I’m the person she is closest to outside her family, so even if I thought space was best, I know it’d break her. She’s absolutely wonderful, as a friend. So I continue, keep things light hearted, tell her it’s not something I want when she brings it up, and worry inside when she starts planning our “supposedly platonic” future of buying our own apartment together… I’m fine really, but just wanted to say the other end of unrequited love is hardly ideal either!

i can completely, completely understand this, and i really, really hope you are able to have this conversation with her sooner rather than later, for both of your sakes so that you, and her, can begin to move on. no matter what this is always such a delicate situation and trying to navigate it with care and consideration for both of your feelings is never easy and never going to be without pain or heartbreak, no matter how much you may wish to mitigate that.

for what it's worth, i don't think it is being shallow--you can, absolutely, acknowledge your own needs, and respect those needs, while at the same time recognizing that someone else doesn't meet them and that this doesn't detract from their character either--it's not fair on yourself to carry such discomfort in your friendship and no matter how you go about this you cannot avoid the hurt because it is not so much a question of if there will be pain but when; your friendship should be able to nourish you both in the healthiest way possible and i hope, again, that you can open this conversation with your friend soon because it really sounds like it is needed. i'm sorry you're in such an uncomfortable and tricky situation but i'm sincerely wishing you the best through this, anon ♡

#ask #anonymous #also to be honest i dont think its fair of your friend either to keep bringing these things up with you

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1loer · 7 months ago

Text

@polaroid-steam-room : 'Something with Imposter and Nagito, maybe talking about identity stuff? At least I’d feel like it’d make for a unique and kinda comforting convo between the two! Ok this ended up way less comforting than you probably wanted I'm sorry AHGUAEGHUEG m(__)m. I do want to explore that type of conversation with them post canon, buuuut i want to save it for a later date hehe :3c but! I still thought they could've had an interesting dynamic in game, especially in the first chapter. I realised its kind of weird Imposter didn't see through Komaeda's ruse, all things considered, so explored that instead. I hope it still sort of hits what u wanted!!!!!!!! thank u for suggesting these two. Getting into Imposter's head and thinking about them a bit more seriously was acc rlly fun!! <3 I hope u like it <3

There was comfort in control.

Maybe that comfort was the reason they chose to wear someone as commanding and imperious as the Ultimate Affluent Progeny.

Komaeda Nagito was a nebulous personality. Most of the others had been easy to read from the second they said ‘hi’. Even someone like Hinata Hajime, who had forgotten so much more about himself than the rest of them had, was an open and well-worn book to them. They could’ve perfected his presentation in a second, even without knowledge on what his talent was. But Komaeda had been a bit more difficult than that. He was elusive, keeping to himself if he wasn’t keeping to Hinata’s side.

Normally, unless completely necessary, they wouldn’t bother themselves with trying to untangle a knot as tightly wound as someone like Komaeda. But, with this whole ridiculous mess of a so-called ‘killing game’ they’d been unwillingly entered into…Well, you need a knot to tie a noose.

Komaeda stood off to the side, leaning against a wall, seemingly content to watch the party pass him by. Every now and again, they’d catch his eye twitch towards a table at the back of the room, next to where he stood. It seemed habitual; protective. The way someone would keep watch of their belongings they left at their table at a cafe when they went up to the bar to order.

Again, perhaps in any other situation, they wouldn’t find reason to worry over something so unobtrusive. But from what they could see, there was no reason Komaeda should be so pre-occupied with an empty table. In a situation like this, quirks like that were the most important to keep on top of.

“Komaeda, have you eaten?”

Komaeda acted surprised, even though there was no way he couldn’t have noticed their approach. Muggy eyes wide and blinking clear as they quickly snatched away from that empty table once more.

“Oh, hello Togami!” He smiled gently, and tittered a laugh, “Of course I’ve eaten! How could I pass up the opportunity to try food made for us by an Ultimate like Hanamura?”

They held out a plate towards Komaeda, so filled with food it was a strain to hold with just one hand, “Have another plate, you need it.”

If his back wasn’t already backed against a wall, they were sure Komaeda would’ve taken a step back, “I’m okay, really!” he pleaded, hands up in polite rejection.

“It wasn’t a request.”

They shoved the plate into Komaeda’s chest, and on instinct he grabbed it. He regarded it tentatively, an awkwardly stiff tilt in his shoulders.

“Ah, Koizumi was right. You really are forceful.” He laughed lightly, relaxing a little. Togami wouldn’t react to such a pointless statement, so neither did they. Then, with a tilt of his head, the brightness that on the surface seemed characteristic to Komaeda returned, “But I guess it is to be expected of such a capable leader.”

But Komaeda’s brightness was just that. Surface level. He was good at it. Obviously very practised at it. He wasn’t surprised that no one else seemed to have noticed. Even Togami, they were certain, wouldn’t have noticed. Togami would find him distasteful, annoying, and someone so completely not worth his time that even finding these two words to describe him would be more effort than Togami would believe he deserved.

In any other circumstance, he would’ve stuck to his guns with this characterisation. If he let his own beliefs and intuition bleed into his act, it would reveal the act for what it was. If there was one thing, they could confidently say about themselves, it was that they were good at what they did. The fact that even Hope’s Peak had figured them out to bestow them the title ‘Ultimate Imposter’ was shocking. But he supposed that only spoke to the capabilities of an academy like Hope’s Peak. But this was simply something he just couldn’t ignore.

They would be the first to admit that they had been out of character. If faced with this same situation, they were certain that the real Togami’s actions would have been exactly opposite of their own. Togami was ruthless, selfish, cold, and above all else, a horrible loser and an even worse winner. To someone like Togami, the only thing that really mattered as much as his family’s name was winning. Togami’s, historically, didn’t lose. The Togami heir would not be the end of that streak. No, the real Togami in this situation would be the exact person Monokuma would want in his game, because Togami would play to win, and would not take even a second to care for the people in the game with him.

But they just couldn’t sit comfortably in that role. Despite what he knew of Togami, he couldn’t in good faith look these people in their eyes, people that were supposed to be his classmates, all just as confused and lost and scared as they were and tell them that he would throw them all under the bus if it meant getting off this island and getting back to his work.

Luckily for them, for what they and the rest of their class could remember, none of them knew Togami Byakuya. So, none of them would question their motives for trying so hard to keep all of them safe. After all, when all was said and done, could they really claim the title Ultimate Imposter if they couldn’t even perform a personality out of character in a convincing way?

“Fat is important to keep you alive. In stressful situations like this, eating well is especially important. I don’t want you dying for a reason as pathetic as malnutrition, especially not while I am your leader.”

Komaeda chuckled amicably in place of a response, and accepted the plate completely, giving it another nervous once over. They treated him much the same, their eyes scanning him from the toe of his scuffed brown leather shoes (subtly expensive, understated and unnoticeable if you didn’t know what you were looking at) to the tip of the unruly, curly white mop of his hair (unnatural and unhealthy. All the more so when you caught sight of the pale, blushing, strawberry blonde that lingered in the crook of his neck).

“Plus,” They started, folding their arms. Komaeda stared at him innocently, “It must take up a lot of energy, keeping up this facade you’re performing.”

Komaeda tripped; Togami smirked.

He recovered quickly, in the blink of an eye, smiling awkwardly and titling his head with a disarming curiosity, but they didn’t miss the stiffness that returned in his shoulders,

“Ah, pardon?”

“Don’t make me repeat myself.” Togami replied, cool and just slightly irritated. Then, that harsh, blunt cover fell back, and they looked away, “It's not an issue. I understand. More than you’d know.”

Surprisingly, Komaeda actually seemed to back down a little, his guard dropping an inch, his smile turning wiry, “...I’m not so sure about that.”

Despite themselves, they felt themself responding much the same.

The more they thought about it, the more his facade made sense. They thought back to the confident way he tried to speak, the way he shakingly grabbed at the attention of his peers, his grip as perfect and practised as a baby grabbing for its favourite toy. That is to say, it was cack-handed and clumsy, and landed poorly every single time. They thought of how easily he sunk back from Saionji’s remarks, how he accepted them without protest. In those moments, he seemed much more comfortable than any other time they’d seen him. Then there was his attachment to Hinata, someone who, through no fault of his own, was the only true outcast amongst their group. With no idea of what his talent was, Hinata was, unfortunately, a bit lost amongst the rest of them. Who, with nothing else to hold onto, at least had the confidence of knowing who they were, what their role was. Komaeda was optimistic, friendly, and agreeable, even when he probably really shouldn’t have been, and seemed to care very deeply about how he came off to everyone around him. The effort he put in to clean this room for this party at such short notice was evidence enough of that. It was the only time they had seen him nearly brag about something he’d done or speak even close to positively about himself. He was meek and quiet, and overall, just seemed…

Lonely.

Well, that was something they certainly could understand.

“There is comfort in hiding yourself.” They replied, their eyes scanning across the room, checking in on the people happily enjoying the party around them. Oowari and Mioda were being a bit too rowdy and getting shouted at for it by Saionji (Hinata watched them from the sides, laughing a little at what they were doing, but not too much. Maybe he’d have to talk to him about all this as well), “The person I present myself as is never usually the person I really am inside, if I was completely truthful.” Their eyes spared a passing glance at Komaeda. The intense, unblinking stare he levelled them with was unsettling. Togami didn’t feel it, and held it back, just as insistent, “It’s a useful strategy for business. It keeps you separated from your work, makes sure you don’t take anything too personally so you can focus on one, clear goal. The total and complete domination of the Togami Industry, above all others.”

Komaeda blinked widely, his heavy stare not really seeing Togami, before it drifted off to the side, “I suppose.” Then, he was back, bright and chipper, “I can see why the Togami company has historically done so well. You’re going to do amazing, once you inherit it.”

“I know that well enough.” He shot back dismissively, then they relented, softening once more, “But…It’s not easy. The price you pay for that safety is…You can never truly get close to someone.”

They hoped the weight of their stare matched the weight of their words, really made what they were trying to say, as Togami may say it, sink in.

“...What a lonely life.” Komaeda said wistfully. For a moment, his bright eyes turned cloudy, his smile dropped. Like white noise, it was only when it was gone that they really realised how present it usually was. Then, once it returned, it stood out more than it ever had.

Komaeda understood. They wished they could feel better about that fact. They felt their heart ache, just a little. Even if they had guessed as much, it was another thing to see their suspicions confirmed. Along with the sympathy came a spike of guilt they tried desperately to shake. They tried to remind themselves that they had to treat everyone with a level of suspicion. That is what Togami would do. The logical, clinical response to a situation so incredibly illogical, and what they needed to do to make sure everyone survived. But the guilt persisted, in spite of this logic. Komaeda had been higher than most on their watchlist, nearly higher than even Hinata, (who was the most suspicious out of all of them) only because of his closed off, peculiar demeanour. To suspect someone, just because they were a bit awkward, a bit unconfident, a bit…Different. Maybe it was what Togami would’ve done, but it didn’t make them feel any better about it.

“‘Lonely’ is a pathetic word to describe the feeling.” Togami replied coldly. He locked eyes with Komaeda, and he shifted under his stare, “It’s a living hell.” They replied, a truth in their words so deep and unnatural to Togami, that for a small second, they felt uncertain. It was enough that, despite what he wanted, what Togami wanted, they broke eye contact first. It was dangerous, a little too far. Something in Komaeda’s face changed, and they quickly shifted gears. Togami closed his eyes, and smirked with a confidence they didn’t feel, “If you really wish to see these bonds between us all come to fruition as you say, perhaps it’s something you should consider.”

That piercing look, stripping them like a nail through orange peel, disappeared. They felt it lift like a physical weight. Once it was gone, it was like it was never there in the first place. Komaeda smiled prettily, a slight glimpse of his white teeth peeking through, as he apologised,

“Thank you for your concern, Togami. I’m sorry I made you worry.”

Togami scoffed, “Don’t be stupid.” He scolded him, looking at him down his nose. Komaeda lowered his head, laughing quietly, and the control fell comfortably back into Togami’s hands. It was relieving. It made them stand on his feet a little steadier.

“Ah, of course. I overstepped there, how lame of me.” Komaeda sighed. Then, a hard, serious look grew on his face, much more serious than was needed, “No, you’re absolutely right. I completely understand. It is exactly as you said it.” Komaeda looked at him, but it was…Different. Something disquieting sat in their stomach, like a small stray piece of burning shrapnel. A splinter that broke under their skin as it was recklessly pulled free. “In the end, above all else, your end goal must be your main focus, and you must be whoever you need to be to see that goal through to its glorious end.”

Komaeda’s voice was the same as it ever was, breathy and light. But something was…wrong. Something undetectable, he couldn’t put his finger on it. He just knew something wasn’t right. Carbon dioxide. Silent, odourless. Deadly.

The alarm blared in their head, a niggling beep they couldn’t ignore.

“...And what is your goal exactly?” They asked. Years of practice kept Togami’s voice solid, portrayed none of the uncertainty they felt underneath his skin.

Komaeda smiled. The beeping persisted.

Togami didn’t flinch in the face of intimidation, so he didn’t swallow the nerves that built in the back of their throat.

“To see everyone here working together to make their hope shine brightly.”

Komaeda’s smile didn’t waver. The bright spark in their eye didn’t dim, and no matter how hard they pried, nothing budged. Everything stayed solid, real, genuine.

So why did it all feel so…Wrong?

“Hm…”

That guilt they felt from before resurfaced. What had Komaeda really done to make them suspect him so harshly? Komaeda had been nothing but kind, nothing but helpful, and in his own, solid, truthful words, stated his plan was the exact same as their own. Komaeda had shown himself as nothing but their ally, supported their idea from the start, even while everyone else had cast doubt over it. Now they were suspecting him, because he smiled a bit weirdly? Because his stare was unsettling? Because he was a bit…Different?

The circumstances were getting to him. This suspicion, distrust with no basis, was exactly what Monokuma wanted. Togami wouldn’t play into the hands of someone like Monokuma. He’d win on his own terms. They were inclined to agree.

If there was someone to suspect, it just made this whole awful mess easier. With a place to point their finger, they’d know how to act, know how to win, know how to keep everyone safe.

They changed the batteries in the alarm. Pushed the button to reset. The alarm stopped. They pretended it made them feel better.

Togami huffed a laugh, and they turned away, with one final command, “Eat. You need fat on your bones. The island wind will blow you away.”

“Yessir!” Komaeda replied playfully, his eyes scrunching handsomely as he giggled.

Together they’d stand, divided they’d fall. That was the real truth at the centre of all this mess. It was what they needed to hold onto, in the face of everything else. Despite what Togami may want, they were not going to let any of them turn into murderers.

There was comfort in control. But they would not let that comfort make a fool out of them.

#polaroid-steam-room #scratches #danganronpa #danganronpa fanfiction #ultimate imposter #nagito komaeda #imposter uses they/them pronouns but togami uses he/him . if that makes any sense. lol .

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morning-jellyfish-in-a-teacup · 14 days ago

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Had my first date with someone I've been talking to on the app. And wow ... it's actually pretty surprising how well it went. I've never been on a date before ever so wasn't sure what to expect. Going on a first date with someone from a dating app ... omg the stress, was so worried about whether or not this was safe.

It was a pretty traditional date. He came to the house and brought me roses. He made reservations at a sushi resraurant. Went to an arcade after, then he drove me back home. He was so easy talk to and get along with, we have a lot of differences but he has an easy to get along with energy. It was definitely a bit awkward at times, but everything felt very natural. Only met him once, but I have to admit I felt very comfortable with him.

I was also going to head out a bit early and wait for him in front of the house. Well, he arrived early and was actually walking up to the door right as I was walking out. We both were surprised to see each other and the first thing he said to me was "hi fuck wow you're gorgeous" and omg ... got so flustered lol. He kept saying that during the date, too, just "wow you're stunning". It was so surprising but it felt really nice!

Idk ... he was very gentlemanly. It was a really good date. We may have made plans for another date next weekend so ... may be seeing them again soon!

I have another date on sunday with someone else from the app. There are 3 people I started talking to before I paused my profile because it felt so weird. Had a really great date with one of them today, coffee date with another on sunday, and no plans yet with the third person but we might be getting close. That's another thing I'm a bit nervous about with this. I joined the app literally just to make friends but open to more if it felt right ... and it kind of feels right with everyone but in different ways. Like I've been able to form connections with everyone through different things. I didn't mention that I have another date or have been talking to other people but it was also a first date ... but my morals lol. I don't know, it's a bunch of firsts for me.

But yeah. Had my first date ever today, it went really really great. He was a gentleman and very easy to get along with, we had real good conversations and laughed a lot. I apparently looked very good lol. It was a good day!

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unluckyhoneybee · 2 years ago

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so can i request 10 <pulling them closer by the waist in crowds> and 16 <letting them cry on ur shoulder> for ur love language prompt list w marcus 🥺

i was out the last night w some friends at a club idek why i went tbh i hate crowds i can’t dance and alcohol is legit my anxiety trigger point???

anyways so yesterday i had gone to the washroom n the booth we were at was at the other end of the room and i had to walk all the way there it was HORRIFIC

anyways so yah maybe like a club scene w bf!marcus where y’all r in the club and u get super overwhelmed n he just takes u home n u cry and it leads to some soft sex 🥺🥺

u don’t have to have the seggsy bit i kinda just wanna read him consoling y/n cozy mental health needs it negl 👉👈

anyhoo thx amorcita no se porque yo escribi esto en ingles yo se que eres española 😭😭😭

Love Language. As a really introverted person with some social anxiety too, I'm using my own knowledge to write this.

10. Pulling them closer by the waist in big crowds

16. Letting them cry on ur shoulder

"I will be fine" That's what you had told Marcus. He wanted go out with the guys and had told you that there was no problem if you wanted to stay at home. He was very comprehensive and he understood that partying wasn't your thing. But you wanted to go out with him for once. You wanted to spend some time doing things he enjoyed. Wrong idea.

The music was so loud. You couldn't even concentrate in the conversations around you. Clem was trying to tell you something, he was already a bit drunk and was tapping your arm with each word. Someone walked behind you and pushed you to make space. You whined. The lights were blinding you and so distracting. You could focus on anywhere. The sounds were amplified and your heart was beating so fast. You needed to get away from that.

"I'm going to the toilet" You told Clem so he could tell Marcus once he was back with the drink.

The way to the toilet was easy. You refreshed yourself and stayed for a bit in the cabin. The muffled sound of the music outside was kind of comforting, like a white sound to sleep. You needed some good time to recover from the crowd out. But when you thought you were ready to leave and opened the door, you found even more people dancing to some pop music. It was so hard to reach the table again. You were pushed and got stuck in the crowd a couple of times. Your breath was unsteady and tears clouded your eyes. And when you finally reached Marcus, he turned to you smiling and dancing a bit. But he stopped the moment he saw you.

"YN"

You grabbed him because he was your safe place. And he hugged your shoulders because he knew it.

"Are you okay? Did someone do something to you?" He was really worried.

"I can't..." That was all you managed to say.

"Okay, okay. No problem. Let's go home"

You felt bad because he was leaving so soon because of you. But you couldn't stand the noise and lights anymore. Marcus wrapped his coat around you and then said goodbye to everyone. Knowing that probably the big crowd was triggering the attack, he made you walk with him, keeping his hand on your waist and pushing people if it was necessary.

Once in the uber, you cuddle on his side and leaned on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around you.

"It's okay. You will be okay."

You cried in silence on the way back home, feeling too exhausted to even sob. He held you tight, kissing your forehead once in a while. He knew well how he had to treat you when you were like this.

Once the cab arrived to your flat and you were outside the building, he made you stop, he cupped your cheeks and kissed your forehead so gentle. "Think about this... About what surrounds you"

You didn't move, you just obeyed adn waited there on his arms. Your thouhgt about the cold Novemeber air, the wind moving the threes, Marcus's warm hands on your cheeks... And slowly, you calmed down. You felt like you could breath again. You opened your eyes and found him looking at you.

Your only reaction was to stand on your tip toes and kiss him softly, which he gladly accepted.

"I love you" You whispered on his lips.

"I love you too"

"Thank you"

He kissed your forehead and guided you inside.

You slowly took your clothes off, they smelled weird from the club.

"What was the problem?" HE soflty asked when you sat on the bed with him wearing nothing more than your underwear. He ran the tip of his finger over your spine and you found it quite comforting.

"The noise... the lights... the people..." You started but couldn't finshish because the tears were back. He hugged you again and you his on his shoulder.

"It's fine." He whispered and caressed your hair. "I'm so glad you told me"

You nodded. At the beginning you wouldn't tell him so he wouldn't feel bad. You didn't want him to think you were weird. But now that you had been dating for long he couldn't read you perfectly, so it wasn't worth it hiding.

Marcus ran his finger on the side of your face and you looked up. He carefully dried your tears and pressed a kiss in your lips.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course, Marcus" You whispered back.

"Can I distract you for a bit?"

You blushed deeply because by the grin on his lips you knew what he meant.

"I want you to take your mind away from all of that"

You nodded slowly and melted on his kiss. Marcus was so gentle when he laid you on the bed and climbed over your body His own felt warm on you and his hands were carefully tracing patterns on your sides.

Marcus left kisses everywhere he could, knowing how much you loved when he treated you like this. And then, he pulled your panties down your legs. With soft bites on your thighs and leaving a couple of marks that made you moan, he reached your centre.

"Oh fuck" You gasped when you felt the first touch of his tongue and pulled his hair. He groaned and dive deeper. Marcus loved this, he loved how quickly you got lost in the feeling and how your whole body and mind relaxed.

He made you come like that first, smiling when you, in the middle of an amazing high, pulled him for a kiss and devoured his mouth. He simply loved it.

Then, he put the condom on and slid in you. The slow movements and his intense graze on you made you shiver and whimper. You grabbed into him, wrapped your legs around his hips and pulled him close.

"I love you" He whispered on your lips before kissing you.

"I love you too" You cupped his cheeks and kissed him again.

Between kisses, Marcus moved slowly. Slow sex was something you were pretty used to, it kind of fit well for you two and you loved the intimacy and closeness you could feel.

At some point, desperate for more but not wanting to go faster, he lifted your legs higher and you moaned. It felt so good, you could only focus on him. And it was just what you needed. His hands on your hips and hair, his body on yours and him carefully showing you how much he loved you.

Once you finished, you grabbed into him and he rested his head on your chest. You needed a minute to recover before you could actually speak.

"Marcus?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Thank you"

"For this? It was a pleasure, baby" He said with a cheeky smile and dropped a kiss on your chest.

"No, idiot" You smiled and caressed his face. "For understanding me"

"That's also a pleasure, my love. I want you to be happy"

"You make me happy"

#marcus armstrong #ma #fluff #smut #blurb #from prompt list

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