#also i have no doubt Michael has set boundaries and spoken up for himself

[ingravinoveritas]

regarding the post today about Anna's nasty comments, "jokes" etc about Michael's appearance in the last few years. Do you think there is genuine reason to feel worried about him and what it may be doing to his mental health overall? What I mean is I am starting to worry and then it makes start to spiral a bit and think that if he stays with her longer that the possibility of her "soft bullying" will escalate into actual abuse and I really don't want to think like that but it really makes me worry for him. Please tell me what you think and should I just take a step back and not think on it too hard (am I?) If you agree with me though, what do you think can be done to help him? Like as in a safe way for him to break up with her? I appreciate whatever you can do to help ease my mind at least.

martinsharmony replied to your post "So for those who haven't seen, AL posted a new..."

I have to wonder about Michael's state of mind. He has said he has his own body issues and has struggled with depression etc. The fact that he is "letting" her do this makes me worry about him a little. The fact that he's not standing up for himself and setting a boundary. From my own experience, all of this is okay, until it's not. My heart goes out to Michael. Of course I don't know the real truth. But I see a little of myself there. I recognize it.

(Grouping these two together due to having similar themes.)

First, I am glad that you felt comfortable enough to message me about this and share your thoughts. But I think there are a few things going on here, and it's important that we have some perspective. When I started responding to asks and questions about Anna on my blog four years ago, it was largely as a counter to what many of us were seeing the fans do, which was idealizing Michael and Anna's relationship and making it into some sort of fairy tale romance. Many of us could see things that did not seem to hold true to this narrative, but were afraid to discuss it openly. So the discourse became about open and honest conversations and speculation, and since GO 2 came out, that discourse has only seemingly increased (if the Asks and Anons in my inbox are anything to go by).

To your comments, @martinsharmony, these are some very good points you are raising, and I'm sorry that you see yourself in Michael's shoes. I think there's a chance many of us do, and is part of why we have the strong feelings we do--one way or the other--about this situation. I think a lot of us see Michael's visible unhappiness and are jarred by the sharp contrast between that and the narrative of him and AL being "madly in love."

I do, however, think there is a real risk of taking that line of thinking so far in the opposite direction. That is, if it's not okay for fans to assume that everything is perfect and wonderful and the absolute best with Michael and Anna's relationship, then it is also not okay to assume everything is the absolute worst, because extremes in either direction are not a good thing, and reality often exists somewhere in the middle. Reality and relationships are also infinitely complicated, which means that there often are no easy answers.

Also, because things are not ever truly black-and-white, I think it's important not to conflate being an unpleasant person with being an abuser. There tends to be an assumption that an abuser is mean and nasty all the time, every day, but so many abusers are viewed as "the nicest person you ever met" by everyone but the victim, which is how they are so often able to get away with what they do. Conversely, someone (such as Anna) might be self-absorbed, immature, and annoying, but that does not make them an abuser.

Again, in no way, shape, or form am I saying that it is a bad thing to care about Michael, or to want him to be happy. But what we are ultimately talking about here is Michael's agency--that is, his right to make his own choices, and to deal with and feel whatever he feels about the consequences of those choices. By either romanticizing or catastrophizing his relationship with Anna, we are unintentionally removing that agency. We have to remember that Michael is an adult man who has been in many other relationships in his life, and has navigated those (with varying degrees of success) on his own. So while we can have conversations and engage in discussion here, it is very much not appropriate and not our place to intervene with any of this personally or to try and facilitate the breakup of Michael's relationship.

Remember, too, that Michael has people in his life that he can trust and confide in--his parents (who are still alive and live near him, bless them), his sister, his friends. And he has David, of course, which we know is a beautiful thing. He and David have gotten immeasurably closer over the last four years and it is genuinely heartwarming to know that he can turn to David. The point here is that while we are fans of Michael's, we are not his family nor his friends. But Michael is not alone in this, and has support available to him, and that is something to be grateful for.

Going back to my previous comments about agency, one of the things that I know I love about Michael is that he is always going to do what he wants to do. He has reasons for doing those things, which means that if he is still with Anna, there is a reason for that (even if it is, as many of us believe, due to wanting to be there for the kids). And if/when Michael should decide to break up with her, there will be a reason for that as well. The most important thing, however, is that it's his choice. That if he decides he's made a mistake, it's his mistake to own, and not something for us to save him from.

I hope this has helped to put your mind at ease. I also want to make it clear that I absolutely do not have all the answers, and this (like all my posts) is my own opinion. Taking a step back might still be a good idea, as we can all find ourselves becoming too invested from time to time, and it is good to take a breather on occasion and find perspective. Glad as always for my followers to share their thoughts on this post as well...

[thewebofslime]

fter nearly four decades in prison, one member of a sadistic four-man crew whose sexually motivated crimes were so depraved that authorities compared their acts to a modern-day Jack the Ripper or Charles Manson is expected to be free on Friday. Based on their own recorded statements and signature style of mutilating their victims, the group known as the Ripper Crew is thought to be responsible for the slayings of as many as 17 women and for an unrelated fatal shooting of a man in the early 1980s. Authorities said they stalked streets in Chicago and the west and northwest suburbs in a reddish-orange van in search of lone women to abduct. Update: Murderer from notorious Ripper Crew released, heads to Wheaton to begin life as a free man » At 58, Thomas Kokoraleis is likely the only member of the group who will get a chance to rejoin society. He originally received a life sentence for his role in the murder of a 21-year-old Elmhurst woman who was abducted outside the suburban office where she worked in May 1982, but a series of legal maneuvers and now-defunct sentencing rules allowed for him to go free after serving just half his prison term. His younger brother Andrew was executed by lethal injection 20 years ago this month at age 35, before Illinois abolished the death penalty. The other two defendants have exhausted their appeals and probably will die in prison, though one will be eligible for parole if he lives to be 89. It’s unclear where Thomas Kokoraleis plans to live. The former DuPage County resident did not respond to written Tribune requests to interview him at the Illinois River Correctional Center, a medium-security facility in Fulton County. He must register his new address with the state within three days of his release from prison, officials said, but he will not have to follow typical parole conditions because he completed his mandatory supervised release period behind bars. Members of some victims’ families were outraged two summers ago when the Tribune first reported his anticipated release. Their efforts helped lead to an 18-month delay in his original parole date, but authorities announced in late 2017 there was nothing else they could do to hold him beyond March 29. Though still upset, some relatives say they accept the news. “We’ve exhausted everything,” said Mark Borowski, who was 14 when his sister Lorry Ann was abducted after walking a few short blocks in broad daylight from her Elmhurst apartment to work. “There’s nothing else we can do. We fought as hard as we could. I cannot even imagine someone like this could get out.” Those who know Kokoraleis — including psychiatrists and psychologists who in recent years evaluated him as part of a last-ditch effort to block his freedom — say he is not sexually violent. They portray him as a hapless follower with a low IQ who unwittingly inserted himself into the police investigation while trying to help his brother. But police and prosecutors involved in the infamous case say they have no doubt about his involvement. Kokoraleis admitted in detailed, tape-recorded police interviews in November 1982 to being present during three attacks, including the slaying of Lorry Ann Borowski. At trial later, he denied being present and said police fed him details of the crimes. Authorities argued he wasn’t smart enough to memorize such descriptions even if they had. Ripper Crew victims Lorry Ann Borowski, from left, Sandra Delaware, Shui Mak and Linda Sutton. (AP, Greg Richter, Ling Mak and Shavonna Sutton photos) His brother and a third defendant, Edward Spreitzer, did not mention him in their lengthy confessions. The ringleader, Robin Gecht, an electrical contractor and handyman who once worked for John Wayne Gacy, was the only member of the crew who did not confess. Authorities described the others as “genetic nobodies” whom Gecht easily manipulated while giving them work as laborers. Lorry Ann Borowski’s mother, Lorraine, now 83, said she never imagined she’d see the day Kokoraleis would be a free man. She recalled that during the nearly five months the family searched for her daughter, she would carry a sheet, hoping to use it to cover Lorry Ann’s body and give her child dignity in death. “I thought he was going to be in prison until I died,” Lorraine Borowski told the Tribune. Local authorities in Canton, Ill., where Kokoraleis has been incarcerated, said he is not expected to remain in the area. Before his arrest, he lived in Villa Park, where the family still has elderly relatives. His parents are deceased. Thomas Kokoraleis in an undated photo. (Illinois Department of Corrections photo) Two of his brothers live together in a two-bedroom apartment in the northwest suburbs. One of them, Greg, told the Tribune his landlord has made it clear that the convicted murderer cannot stay with them. He insists his brother is not dangerous. “My brother would never hurt no one,” he said this week. “He’s not that kind of a person that would turn violent. He got mixed up with the wrong people. … I’m just praying for him so he can find a place to live and doesn’t end up sleeping on the street.” Other siblings live out of state. Kokoraleis was due to be paroled in late September 2017, but his release was delayed because he had not found an approved place to live, which is considered a parole violation. State corrections officials declined to say where Kokoraleis plans to live or even if he has secured housing. But even if he hasn’t, officials said, they cannot hold him any longer. The state will provide him few resources beyond transportation from the prison, according to state officials and advocacy groups who have argued that such treatment of longtime inmates is inhumane. Members of the Borowski family and friends along with attorney Gloria Allred hold a news conference to oppose the relase of Thomas Kokoraleis from prison. Kokoraleis, part of the Ripper Crew, was convicted of the 1982 murder of Lorry Ann Borowski. (Stacey Wescott/Chicago Tribune) State officials said Kokoraleis’ address will be a matter of public record on Illinois’ sex offender registry. Though he is not a convicted sex offender, officials said that because he is a murderer whose offense was sexually motivated, state law requires him to register for the rest of his life while living in Illinois. He will not be subject to other rules applying to sex offenders, such as boundary restrictions near parks, schools and day care facilities. Elmhurst police Chief Michael Ruth said he shares community members’ concerns that Kokoraleis may return to the area. “Human beings are creatures of habit,” he said. “If you were incarcerated for 35 years, where would you go? You go back to your old neighborhood, to what you’re familiar with.” At the time of his arrest, Thomas Kokoraleis was a 22-year-old painter and high school dropout who admitted using cocaine and marijuana. He did not have a criminal record. A forensic psychiatrist described the former special education student as having a ��borderline range of intellect,” just above being mentally impaired with an IQ of 75, according to court records. His former trial attorney, Thomas Swiss, is now retired and said he has not spoken to Kokoraleis in years. He has described his former client as a follower and people pleaser, and a danger only to himself. A DuPage County jury convicted Thomas Kokoraleis in 1984 of Borowski’s rape and murder, and a judge later sentenced him to life in prison after rejecting the prosecution’s request for the death penalty. He did not testify during his trial, but during his sentencing hearing he took the stand and denied involvement. In late 1986, a state appeals court reversed his guilty conviction, citing legal errors, and ordered a new trial. One year later, Kokoraleis pleaded guilty to the Elmhurst murder in exchange for a 70-year prison term. The plea deal allowed for Friday’s release, as standard sentencing guidelines back then included day-for-day credit for good behavior. The passage of truth-in-sentencing laws later excluded convicted murderers from such perks. As part of the plea deal, prosecutors also dropped charges against Kokoraleis involving another woman who is thought to be the men’s first victim. Linda Sutton, 26, was found mutilated outside a Villa Park motel after the men abducted her about a week earlier near Wrigley Field in May 1981. Her children, Antone and Shavonna, were 9 and 1 at the time of their mother’s violent death. Her son still recalls the sight of police detectives arriving at their home with her earrings to try to identify the woman’s remains. “He served his time. We have to accept it,” said Antone Sutton, now a father himself. He said he has thought about what he would say if he ever met his mother’s killers. “I guess I just want to look in his eyes and speak to him. I can take it, whatever he says, to know the truth and, I guess, maybe release some inner demons in my mind.” In 2017, authorities explored whether Thomas Kokoraleis could be involuntarily civilly committed as a sexually violent person. But various mental health experts found he did not meet the legal criteria. The law required proof beyond a reasonable doubt that a person suffers from a mental disorder and that the disorder makes it “substantially probable” he or she will commit further acts of sexual violence. Besides crimes involving Borowski and Sutton, Kokoraleis admitted in his 1982 tape-recorded police statements to being present during the abduction of 30-year-old Shui Mak of Lombard. She vanished two weeks after Borowski’s kidnapping after getting out of a car following an argument with her brother as they drove in the Hanover Park area. Her body was discovered months later in a South Barrington field. The details of the group’s repeated attacks on women were shocking. The men would cut off their victims’ breasts, often using piano wire or a knife while the women were alive, as part of sexual rituals — sometimes involving cannibalism — later performed at a makeshift altar in the ringleader’s Chicago home, authorities said. Exactly how many people they killed likely will never be known, as police were unable to locate all the victims’ bodies. Police said the defendants were high on drugs and alcohol during the attacks, and later confused details or couldn’t recall where they dumped their victims. Spreitzer, 58, is ineligible for parole. Convicted of five murders, he was sentenced to death in 1986, but in 2003 then-Gov. George Ryan cleared out death row, commuting to life terms the sentences of all the state’s condemned inmates. It was one of Ryan’s final acts in office. Illinois abolished the death penalty some eight years later. The group’s leader, Gecht, 65, is eligible for parole in late 2042. If he lives that long, he will be 89. Without a confession or other physical evidence, authorities were unable to obtain a murder conviction against him. Gecht was sentenced to 120 years in prison for the rape and mutilation of an 18-year-old woman working as a prostitute who survived her attack and provided police with crucial details, such as a description of the reddish-orange utility van. Warren Wilkosz, a former DuPage County sheriff detective whose work helped end the crew’s cruel run, described passing out flyers to prostitutes along Cicero Avenue with a description of the van. Chicago police eventually located it, with Spreitzer behind the wheel, which led authorities to the rest of the men. The teenage prostitute identified Gecht as her assailant in a police lineup held in the hospital where she was recovering. Years later, Wilkosz witnessed Andrew Kokoraleis’ execution. Long retired, Wilkosz said he doesn’t have strong feelings about Thomas Kokoraleis’ release. Gecht, though, would be “a whole different thing,” he said. “He made Manson look like a Boy Scout.”