#someone please explain to me why I had a damn meltdown every time I had to sit down and write shit for my thesis

[running-in-the-dark]

(:

[sunlightandsuffering]

I LEAVE FOR A WHILE AND I HAVE SO MANY UNREAD BESTIES TO LOVERS ANONS!!! Imma answer them when I get back from boating but Jfc y’all want this AU bad so here, theres no smut per se but this is the first part of the first chapter from Mikasa’s POV I hope I characterized her okay, I’m trying to stay true to the collective vision 😂

So without further ado Besties to Lovers 💕💕

Her and Eren have always been friends, but she wants the benefits, God does she want the benefits. She’s nineteen, in her second year of university and she’s still a virgin and has done absolutely nothing outside of kiss a boy, and that boy was Eren, in the eighth grade. Meanwhile the very object of her affections has a new girl in his room every fucking night. She doesn’t understand where he gets his stamina from or where he finds all of these girls.

They’ve been best friends since the third grade when he forced her to eat a mudpie because he told poor sweet naïve Mikasa it was chocolate cake. When she’d cried after having her face shoved into the mud, he’d told her to suck it up before giving her the lollipop from his lunchbox as penance. She’s loved him ever since.

And unfortunately, his selfish antics have only gotten worse over time.

Mikasa is aware she’s unbelievably sheltered, it’s not something new to her, that’s what happens when you live with three ex-cops for most of your life and the only friend, you’re permitted to hang out with on a continual basis is Eren. As a result, she’s spoiled rotten and she loves every moment of it, especially when it’s Eren doing the spoiling, but she’s trying her best to be less sheltered! She even finally got a job recently and Eren had told her how proud of her he was.

The job might also be part-time at Levi’s mechanic shop but well a job is a job it doesn’t matter if she got it through nepotism.

She’s excited about it, it means she gets to see Eren even more than usual because he works there part time as a mechanic while he puts himself through medical school.

She knows logically she should be fed up of the boy she’s spent almost every waking moment with since she was seven, but she’s not, she loves living with Eren.

He spoils her almost more than Levi, Hanji and Kenny do, which is impressive because they’re all a little crazy.

She’s also a little in love with Eren if she’s being entirely honest with herself, she lives for when he calls her ‘baby’ and his fingers trail up her thighs and he pinches the curve of her ass, telling her the gym is paying off. He’s always touch, touch, touching every part of her he can get his hands on and she loves it.

Once, Jean had tried to have her sit on his lap too when Eren hadn’t been around and although she’d felt a little weird about it, she’d complied because well he was her friend and it was okay when Eren did it, so why not Jean?

Eren had not been pleased.

Mikasa hadn’t liked it either if she was being honest, it wasn’t the same, he didn’t hold her the same way Eren did and she didn’t have the same pleasant little flutter in her tummy the way she did with Eren when his hands would dip between her thighs and along the seams of her underwear beneath her flowy dresses.

She always felt happy and warm whenever Eren touched her and if she ever felt uncomfortable he’d stop, but he was also more than happy to soothe her back to happiness, he’d kiss her neck or tell her how good she was being for him and she’d be content once again.

Sometimes she’d wriggle around in his lap and he’d hold her tight, and give her a little nibble to her ear as warning. Sometimes she’d heed his warning and sometimes she wouldn’t but when she didn’t that’s usually when Eren would take her home and she loved being alone with him much more than at a boring party while he flirted with a bunch of girls.

When she had him entirely to herself, that was when she was most happy. But these days it wasn’t often, it seemed somehow her best friend had become even more of a man whore since she’d moved in. It’d been a year and still he hadn’t cooled down, he had more sexual partners than an emperor with a harem, it was ridiculous.

The revolving door of girls was getting old for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was that she was fed up of having to explain where the coffee was as the girls pranced around their kitchen in underwear and Eren’s t-shirts. It was irritating, they didn’t understand that she would be the one to make Eren coffee or tea in the morning and that she had exclusive access to his wardrobe. The pretty blonde bitch she was glaring at right now should NOT be wearing her favourite t-shirt.

She sullenly continues to steep Eren’s tea for him, knowing he’ll need the caffeine when he wakes up while she watches the pretty little blonde march around their kitchen like she owns the place. She grabs all of Mikasa’s iced coffee ingredients from the fridge, drowning two cups of scalding hot coffee in sugary sweet. Syrup, whip cream, sprinkles, everything Eren buys Mikasa because he understands her ice coffee obsession. Meanwhile Mikasa knows for a fact Eren loathes the stuff, he tells her it’s too sweet all the time, making faces every time he steals a sip, as if it will taste different than the last time he drank it. He always gives her little cheek kisses after, awfully close to her lips or on her nose, tells her she’s sweet enough for him, that he doesn’t need anything else.

And without fail she’ll squirm and blush under his praise just like she always does and he’ll get that look in his eye, the one that’s dark and hungry that she knows usually precedes some manhandling. A slap to the ass, a pinch to her waist, something that allows him the excuse to touch her and she lives for it, sometimes if she’s really lucky he’ll tuck her into his lap and let her drink the rest of her coffee from her favourite seat there.

She’s startled out of her thoughts as the blonde girl drops two spoons onto the counter and they clatter against the marble with an angry noise, leaving spills of coffee in their wake.

“Can you be a doll and clean that up for me?” Platinum blonde asks her before she picks up both mugs and starts towards Eren’s room.

Mikasa frowns but wanders towards the sink to grab a washcloth for the mess.

Platinum blonde doesn’t make it two steps out of the kitchen before Eren’s bedroom door opens and shuts and he’s wandering into the open expanse of their kitchen wearing nothing more than a pair of plaid pyjama pants and rubbing his eyes.

Mikasa smirks at the sink, now is her favourite time of the morning, when Eren will kick out the little blonde rather brutally.

“Eren, hi!” The girl tells him breathlessly, and Mikasa turns to watch her hold out a coffee, “I made you a coffee, wasn’t sure what you liked.”

Shit, Eren’s tea! Mikasa drops her wash cloth and quickly removes the tea bag from Eren’s typical Earl Grey, thankfully it’s not too oversteeped. She wanders to the fridge to grab the cream, pretending not to be gleefully listening to the conversation next to her.

Eren takes the coffee from the girl, looking down at it as if it’s going to explode, sprinkles and chocolate shavings floating around the milky brown mixture. He raises an eyebrow up at the girl before placing the coffee on the counter, “Thanks, but I don’t like coffee.”

The girl’s eyes go a little wide and she places her mug on the counter as well, “Oh I didn’t know, tell me what you do like and I’ll make it for you, I wanted you to have a little pick me up, you know after last night,” She sends him a little smirk as she finishes her sentence but Eren remains looking unimpressed.

“I like tea, but don’t worry about it, I already have some being made right now, isn’t that right Miki?”

His eyes finally slide to hers and as usual her heart skips a beat as those intent viridians watch her so intensely, all of his attention is on her, he pays absolutely no mind to the blonde girl as he makes it to her side in a few steps.

She nods softly, she doesn’t want to reply, not in front of this girl, she’s too shy, it’s why she’s barely said three words to her yet. She hands Eren his cup of tea and he grins mischievously at her, before taking it from her hands. He winks at her before leaning in to kiss her cheek, murmuring into her ear softly, “Thanks Miki.”

Shivers erupt all over as his breath hits just under her ear, where he knows she’s most sensitive.

He pulls away and she’s left wide-eyed as he steals his tea and turns back to the blonde girl.

“Sorry what was your name again?”

The blonde’s face scrunches up in irritation, “It’s Katrina.”

“Great, Katrina I’ll walk you out.”

He takes a sip of his tea before leaving it on the counter and grabbing Katrina by the arm and dragging her towards his bedroom. They stop briefly to grab Katrina’s things before making their way to the door, Eren likely hoping to avoid her impending meltdown.

Mikasa doesn’t see it but she hears the irritated whines that turn into pleads as Eren tells the girl not so gently, to leave. The door slams and she hears footsteps as Eren follows the girl outside. Mikasa may or may not scoot a little closer to the main hallway and press her ear to the door to listen.

“But we had such an amazing night—”

“It was okay.” Eren throws in his two cents and Mikasa fights to keep in her giggle, this is her favourite part of the mornings, it’s almost worth all the pain of the night before just for this.

“What do you mean, it was amazing, Eren I think we really have something, it was so amazing—”

“Listen, I don’t do relationships, I do one-night stands and that’s it.” Eren tells Katrina firmly and Mikasa gives a little fist pump, damn right, she never sees the same girl twice and she’ll never admit how happy that small tidbit of information brings her. If he’s going to have someone else, at least she knows he has no feelings attached to it. The day he gets a serious girlfriend is the day her heart really breaks.

“What about the girl in there, Miki you called her, don’t tell me you’re not fucking her.”

Mikasa is shocked, her cheeks turning red at the assumption, how vulgar.

But also a small part of her wishes Eren was, ‘fucking’ her that is. She’s a virgin, completely innocent in every conceivable way, she’s never even touched herself, nineteen and still totally clueless with all things sex. It’s not like she hasn’t considered it or wanted to try before, she’s not a prude, she just has no idea where to even start.

Not to mention, ANY male love interests are squashed like bugs the second Eren gets wind of them, and if it’s not him it’s Levi, Kenny or Hanji.

But lately she’s considering at least buying a vibrator or something, maybe taking her own virginity, Sasha and Annie never shut up about it, she’s curious about what all the fuss is about. Every time she moves her fingers down her stomach, she heats up a little, blushing bright red and wondering if it’s wrong, if its weird.

She usually makes it to the line of her panties, concentrated on trying to figure out what she should do and imagining what she thinks will turn her on, and of course it’s always Eren. Always, always him. Unfortunately, that’s usually where her fingers stop because she feels awful, dirty for imagining her best friend touching her, thinking about his large frame looming over hers and laying kisses on her lips instead of her cheeks. Eren would never want her like that, she’s not his type, small blonde, perky and experienced. No bad Mikasa! She cuts her thoughts off before they can descend into negative territory, she’ll never have Eren romantically but at least he loves her platonically and she’ll take what she can get.

“Leave.” Eren tells Katrina in a tone that brokers no argument, the one he reserves specifically for people who insult her, and it happens often when his one night stands see a girl in Eren’s apartment that’s not them, the jealousy is real. However, what they fail to realize is that she is the one girl he actually gives a shit about, she has a special place reserved in his heart as his best friend, and all the sex in the world has nothing on that.

She continues to listen, waiting for more, but this one surprisingly kicks up little fuss and the next thing Mikasa knows she’s scrambling to move away from the door as Eren opens it, falling swiftly onto her ass in the foyer.

Eren raises his eyebrow at her as he shuts the door, leaning back against it, arms crossed and still delightfully shirtless. Looking up at him, he truly is an attractive figure, arms corded with muscle from working with cars all day, handsome chiselled face with a slit in his right eyebrow and a few tattoos placed randomly along his arms. Mikasa, understands better than anyone why girls flock to Eren like moths to a flame.

“Watcha doing down there love?” He asks, his tone deceptively sweet, she knows he won’t be happy she was listening in, especially since the other girl sort of insulted her. She plays dumb, or attempts to at least.

“Just cleaning up,” she grabs a shoe from the shoe rack next to the door, “Wanted to make sure everything was in order.”

“Uhuh,” he says doubtfully, crouching down to her level where she’s splayed out, legs askew and leaning back on her hands.

“So you were’t eavesdropping on me outside?”

She looks away, she can’t lie to him, she’s terrible at it, he knows all her ticks, and she always inevitably caves and tells him anyway.

“Miki,” His voice is chiding, a hand coming up to grab her chin and turn her in his direction. Her full bottom lip sticks out in a pout as she confesses, “I just wanted to know what you’d tell her, she wasn’t very nice to me.”

He leans in closer, edging his way into her personal space and she’s forced to lean back further on her hands as Eren kneels over her, placing his own hands on her thighs, his face getting closer and closer to hers. Her breathing comes quick as his face finds her neck, “You’re not being a very good girl today Miki. My tea was a little oversteeped and now this,”

She gasps a little, her heart thundering in her chest, theres that phrase, ‘good girl’, every so often Eren slips it into conversation and she doesn’t know why but she absolutely loves it, she adores it when he praises her. She wants to hear him say it all the time, wants to be his everything, wants to be the best.

And sometimes she’ll hear him whisper it to the girls he’s fucking, their bedrooms are right next to each other and the walls are paper thin, how could she not? And those are the times she wants to touch herself the most, when Eren tells the girl he’s with she’s being a good girl in that deep raspy voice of his, in the tone he only uses when he’s at the height of his pleasure, gravelly and filled with desire as he fucks some girl so hard the wall of their shared bedroom shakes.

Her face heats anymore at her train or thought, doing her damndest not to let her eyes follow the V of his abs down to the waist band of his pants.

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again, I’ll be better,” she responds quickly, she doesn’t want him to be mad at her, not about this, she didn’t mean to eavesdrop, she’ll never do it again as long as he’s not mad at her.

It’s the worst when he’s mad at her, he wont talk to her for a while, won’t touch her and that’s the worst part, no little touches. She’d never realized how totally attached and needy for him she was until they were watching a movie and he wouldn’t let her sit in his lap, wouldn’t lay his head on her chest and hum into her sternum while she fought back shivers because her breasts are so fucking sensitive.

“Eren please, I’m sorry, please don’t be mad at me.”

His face is stern for a moment, dark strong eyebrows scrunched up and lips set into a line, tears prick her eyes at the thought of him giving her the silent treatment for a week again. She can’t do it.

As a tear escapes one eye, tracing a path down her cheekbones, Eren’s large calloused hand comes up to cup her face, moving from her chin, his thumb darting out to catch the tear before he brings his thumb to his mouth, licking the meagre drop from his finger.

His face settles back into a neutral expression before he buries it into her neck, leaning his whole body weight on her, and pushing her to the ground, lying across her front.

“Oh fuck Miki, what am I going to do with you?” He sighs into her neck, before leaving a little bite there that makes her squeak. Then another, and another and she knows this is her punishment but it feels so nice, bites interspersed with little kisses along the column of her throat, they’ll probably leave marks later if she’s lucky.

He pulls back when she makes a little whimpering sound as he hits a particularly sensitive area of her skin, breaking the quiet atmosphere and they both come back to themselves. She’s immediately sad because she loves it when he gets carried away like that, almost feels like she has a chance.

Eren moves away, leaving her cold and bereft on the floor as he stands up.

She stares up at him, quicksilver eyes wide and needy, she needs something, she doesn’t know what, zings shoot through her core and she’s unbearably hot, she needs something. It’s the weird feeling again, the one she only gets when he’s around and being touchy, he must see it in her eyes because a pained looks crosses his face and he almost moves to grab her again but he bites his lip and settles on holding a hand to help her up, “Come on Miki, I’ll make you breakfast love.”

She pouts but takes his hand, following him to the kitchen and sitting herself on the bar stool while he makes her favourite waffles.

It’s always like this, he’s always taking care of her, he can’t help himself and sure sometimes he’s a little mean, well most of the time, and more often than not he’s teasing her, but he takes care of her so well, she trusts him implicitly.

They’re on the cusp of something, she doesn’t know what but she can feel it building, ever since she first moved in, the tension has gotten worse. Eren is like a caged panther waiting, watching, restraining himself, his eyes are always hungry when she walks around in her pyjamas, which consist of only his old shirts and panties, but she can’t quite figure out for what.

He gives her a little wink as he slides her waffles onto a plate and cutting them up for her, before he feeds her delicately, little bites of chocolate chip and syrup. He catches little dribbles of the sickly sweet mixture that stain her lips, bringing his finger to his mouth, just for a taste. He pulls a face at the overly sweet treat, and she laughs which makes Eren smile her favourite smile, the genuine one with all his teeth only she can pull from him.

The next dribble of syrup she loses, Eren feeds it right back to her, holding out his thumb for her to lick but she does him one better and takes the whole digit in her mouth with ease, sucking the syrupy chocolate up happily. She watches him the whole time and his reaction is everything, his eyes glow greener, he leans in just a little closer and there is that intent hungry look again. It’s beginning to be her favourite look on him, something about it is just attractive.

She releases his finger with a pop, smiling at him before she sticks her tongue out, “All clean!”

Eren’s gaze is so intense she wants to look away as he moves his hand to tuck a few stray locks of hair behind her ear. He exhales before he speaks, his voice quiet, like he doesn’t mean to say it at all, “You’re such a good girl aren’t you Miki?”

“What did you say?” She asks because she wants to hear it again and again, but Eren doesn’t oblige.

“Nothing baby, finish your waffles, you haven’t been eating well lately, I don’t want anything left on your plate.”

He takes care of her so so well. How could she ever need anyone else?

But evidently Eren does, to satiate his more carnal needs, the ones she’s clueless about and the one’s she longs for him to use her for. He gets a call halfway through her breakfast and he departs from alternately stealing bites of her waffle and letting her eat by herself. It’s a call from a regular girl, Selena, she’s pretty sure her name is, a beautiful Brazilian exchange student with blue eyes and a perfect olive hue. He kisses Mikasa goodbye, a swift peck to the cheek, before he tells her not to wait up, he’s going to work this afternoon shift and afterwards he’s going ‘out’.

She’s may be naïve but she’s not stupid, she knows what ‘out’ means, he’s going to spend the night at Selena’s and tomorrow he’ll come home with mussed hair and hickeys, he won’t need anyone to make his morning tea, won’t be home to make her breakfast.

She’ll be all alone in the apartment once again and not for the first time, she wonders if maybe she should be doing the same. Just what is she missing out on that’s so good that Eren can’t go two days without it, what is so great about sex that Sasha and Annie will spend hours discussing it over dinner?

She drops her breakfast dish in the sink, scowling as she watches the water run over the remains of her breakfast, filling the sink with bubbles, maybe she should try it too. Maybe sex is what she needs from her life, maybe Eren is onto something.

[catwatcha]

Pairing: Chan x Reader Genre: Fluff/Smut/Angst Word count: 1549

Warnings: cursing & smut Authors note: Minho is calling Chan by Chris in this because that is what he goes by with him.

PT.1 PT.2

Something that doesn’t sound insane.

Minho’s P.O.V.

*Beep, beep, beep*, I rolled over to the familiar and annoying sound of my alarm clock. The events of the previous night flooded my head, about how I couldn’t get any damn sleep because Chris kept me up all night rambling in his sleep. He ended up then leaving at about 3am, tripping down every stair. Asshole. It was now 6:30am, and I was dreading school. I got up and threw on an outfit for the day, and tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes. I was on my way out when I got a text from Chris.

Can you grab me a coffee before school? Overslept and running late.

I replied, You owe me.

Thanks mate.

Lucky for him, I was tired as well but I had a few minutes to spare. I drove to Starbucks, but saw that there was a long line as usual so I decided to go somewhere else. I drove around downtown until a small cafe caught my eye. I got out of the car and was about to walk in when I saw a girl standing out front looking uneasy and paranoid. “Are you okay?” I said when I walked over, and she jumped at the sound of my voice. I think she studied my face for a moment before she sighed and said, “yeah I’m fine. Just looking for someone, but I don’t think they’re gonna show up.” I thought about that for a second. I went to school on the other side of town, but I knew a lot of people, as I have lived here my whole life. “Who is it?” I asked. “Maybe I’ll know them? I’ll kick their ass for standing you up.” I laughed and her face lit up for the slightest moment, before hostility took over. “It’s not like that and I don’t- I don’t know..” She trailed off. I stood there wondering if she was actually gonna answer me, and I realized I needed to get to school with Chris’ coffee before he had a full on meltdown. Right as I opened my mouth to speak, she said, “Well his name is Chan and I just had a feeling he might be here but now I don’t know anymore.” I was confused. She didn’t actually know if she was meeting someone? Well ok. “I don’t know the name,” I said. “But if I see anyone who looks like a Chan, you’ll be the first to know.” She gave me a small smile before walking back to what seemed to be her car and drove off. I looked at the time; 7:45. Goddamnit Chris, now I’m late. Why couldn’t he get his own coffee?

Y/n's P.O.V.

When I got to my car I sat for a while, thinking about what I had just done. I told a complete stranger about Chan, I knew he wouldn’t be there. I don’t know why I did, I don’t know why I thought he would be. Most of all, I don’t know why I thought that someone would actually know who he was. When I finally collected myself I started my car and made my way to school. When I finally got there Jasey was waiting for me at my locker and had a worried look on her face. “Are you okay?” You just left and then didn’t answer my calls or texts!” I opened my locker and sighed, was I really going to try and explain something I couldn’t even understand. “I just had a migraine.” I tried to offer as an excuse but she wasn’t having it. “Come on Y/n, talk to me.” She puts her hand on my arm and I sigh once again and stop my movements “Okay,” I take a deep breath “But you’ll have to stay open minded.” Just as I begin to open my mouth the bell rings and I slightly smile to myself. Saved by the bell. “Just meet me at my place after school.” I gave her a small smile and walked to class, silently thanking the school for being useful for once.

The end of the day came a lot faster than I thought it would. I dozed off a few times, but was actually thankful that I wasn’t thinking of Chan today. I’m still trying to brush off the embarrassment from yesterday. Now it was time to try and explain to Jasey why I wasn’t just dreaming about him anymore. I thought about what I was going to say to her knowing already that she wasn’t going to let this go very easily. When I get to my car I wait for Jasey to climb in. After a few minutes of waiting, I’m scrolling through my phone when I hear knocking on my window that caused me to let out a scream. “Jasey you almost gave me a damn heart attack! Get in the car,” I said while trying to calm the panic she had caused in me. “Sorry, I couldn’t find your car,” she said while laughing at how horrified I was. Great, I thought. I can barely get any words out now, what the hell am I gonna do when she presses me about Chan? I started my car and just hoped she wouldn’t bring it up. Of course, I was mistaken.

“Y/n, you know you’re gonna have to tell me sooner or later why you were confessing your lovefor this man you’ve never even met!” She said. I thought about it, and decided to go with the sarcastic answer. “Later?” I replied. “Later really works for me.” She rolled her eyes at me. “You are so difficult. Please please please?” She said, and I turned up the music in my car before she could say please another ten times. We pulled into my driveway, and I walked to my front door with her right behind me. I took out my key and unlocked my door, but before I opened it I said, “Jasey. I hope that you know that what I tell you once we are inside, stays between us. Okay?” “I know, I know! Besides, who am I gonna tell?” she almost yelled the words, and it startled me a bit but she was my best friend. We told each other everything, so me keeping a secret from her probably has her on edge. I walked in and started up my stairs, thinking of where to begin.

As I sit on my bed a million thoughts run through my head and all I want to do is lay down and dream of Chan. Jasey sits on the end of my bed and I take a deep breath as my heart begins to race. “Jasey I don’t know…” She groans. “No, no backing out.” I realize there is no getting out of this. There is no more stalling, and there is no more keeping all of Chan to myself, I have to share him. “Okay” I nod my head a few times and take another deep breath. “Okay, so a few weeks ago I noticed I was losing sleep. I couldn’t figure out why until I saw his face… Chan,” She nodded already have heard this part of the story “I’ve never met him before but I feel like I’ve known him forever. Jasey, he’s quite literally the man of my dreams. I can’t stop thinking about him…” I sigh and play with my fingers. “Every time I close my eyes he’s there, every time I sleep, I dream of only him. Every time I want to see him I just have to think about him and I’m taken to a place where he is. I can’t get him out of my head, and honestly I don’t want to. I don’t want to give him up because he has become a part of me.” I stop and breath letting myself tell her all about the man I can’t forget. “I don’t know how that’s possible and maybe they’re just dreams of some boy I saw on the street. Maybe they mean nothing, but maybe they aren’t. I’ve grown to love this boy and I’ve never even met him. I’ve never actually spoken to him and I feel like I know everything about him. I’m serious when I say that I see him every single time I close my eyes, and I don’t know why, or how, but I know everything about him. And he knows everything about me. I can’t control what I say or do, but it’s been perfect. It’s literally been a dream.”

I didn’t realize that I had been rambling, and I looked up to a wide eyed Jasey. I also hadn’t realized I was crying until I wiped a few tears from my face. I didn’t know what else to say, and from the looks of it she didn’t know either. Minutes passed by before she finally leaned in and just held me. More tears escaped my eyes, and knowing what I had just said out loud just made everything seem so much more vivid. “Y/n.” I looked up, startled by the broken silence. Jasey looked me straight in the eye and said, “I have a secret too.”

[rainydayhogwartsimagines]

Love your writing! I was wondering if you could write something where Draco and y/n get into an argument and it ends up with both of them crying and confronting each other?

Oh you want Angst? I GOT A WHOLE VAT OF ANGST

You and Draco. God you two were this ultimate couple. You got together after your third year, both of you falling head over heels. You both absolutely adored each other. However this was not a good day for either of you. You got into a fight. Something was going on with you that you absolutely avoided talking about. Draco respected your privacy but you were now acting out. That wouldn’t be a problem if this didn’t involve fights and other self destructive habits. You were essentially breaking yourself and Draco was having enough of it. “Y/n would you fucking hold still!?” He groaned as he put disinfectant on a cut near your eyebrow. “It hurts Draco, excuse me if I don’t appreciate the burning sensation.” you mumbled. He sighed. “What the hell drove you to even piss off Pansy?” Draco asked. “Why are you assuming I pissed off her?” You asked. “Because you’ve literally been looking for fights for the past few weeks. I haven’t said anything but I have to know: is something going on that I don’t know about?” Draco asked. You sighed and pulled away. “No.” you lied. “Y/n.” Draco said. “I don’t have to tell you shit, okay!?” You snapped. Draco frowned. “Y/n, what is going on?” Draco asked. “It’s nothing! Christ!” You said. “Y/n why won’t you just talk to me!?” Draco asked. “Because I don’t fucking have to!” You yelled, clearly aggravated. Draco shook his head, looking at you. “Y/n, what is wrong? Did I do something?” he asked. Your silence was an answer he didn’t like. Oh shit, what did Draco do? “What did I do?” Draco asked calmly. “I know about the bet.” You said, glaring at him. Oh. Oh no no no no “Well you fucking won!” you said throwing your hands up.

A few months before you started dating, Draco made a bet with Pansy that he could get you to love him. Considering you hated talking to people, this was a challenge that was going to take a while. What you didn’t realize is that two weeks into the challenge Draco dropped it because he actually liked you. “Y/n...” Draco sighed. “Don’t. Just don’t okay.” You snapped. “You have every right to be angry.” Draco said. “Yes. I do.” You said. “I’m sorry.” Draco said. You shook your head. “Sorry isn’t fixing this Draco.” You said. He sighed and you shook with anger, unable to look in his vicinity. “I trusted you. And after everything I’ve been through, you know that isn’t easy.” You said shaking. “I can’t fix this--” “You’re fucking right you can’t! Draco I loved you. I loved you and supported you, even though you’ve done some pretty fucked up things!” You snapped. “Y/n--” “I depended on you! I thought you my entire God damn world!” You yelled. Any student could walk in on this conversation but you didn’t care. You were tired. So fucking tired. “I don’t know what to say-- I will do anything to fix this Y/n!” Draco said, pleading with you. “No! Draco no! You knew I had a hard time around people. I hated being around them but I found comfort with you. Now I can’t even look at you.” You said angrily. Draco was silent. So were you. You were crying and Draco reached out, making you back away. “Tell me it was a lie. Please.” You whimpered. Draco couldn’t look at that expression. He closed his eyes and you shook your head. “Oh my god.” You whimpered. “Oh my god I feel so stupid.” You whispered. “Love, no--” “Don’t!” You snapped. “We’re done.” You said. Draco shook his head. “Y/n I can’t lose you, not like this.” Draco said. “Then tell me it was a lie. Tell me that this is one big misunderstanding.” You said. “I can’t.” he admitted. “Then that’s it.” You said. “You want to throw all of this away-- just like that!?” He asked, frantically, tears building in his eyes. “I love myself too much to EVER put myself through this shit. Until you fucking find a way to reverse this, we’re done.” You snapped. You left, leaving Draco alone. Draco sat on the edge of the couch in the common room, sobbing into his hands. 

You weren’t any better, going back to the Gryffindor common room in tears. Fred and George looked up from and stopped you. “Woah woah woah, what happened?” Fred asked. You said nothing, hugging him and he looked at George with a “What do we do?” glance. After calming down, you explained everything to him. The fight, the dare. Everything. “I am going to kill Malfoy.” George growled. “I can’t believe that fucking moron would do this.” Fred sighed. “I just wasted nine months of my time.” You muttered, looking at the fire in the fireplace. George hugged you, you sighing and wiping your eyes before someone walked in. “Y/n.” a voice said you turned around and groaned. “What do you want Pansy?” You asked. “I need to talk to you. Alone.” Pansy said. Fred and George looked at you and you nodded that it was okay and they left. “Heard you had a break up.” Pansy said. “Really. What gave it away? Was it the emotional distress or the newfound trust issues?” You asked sarcastically. “Draco’s been having a meltdown. I want to explain this. All of this.” Pansy sighed. “I thought you hated our relationship?” you said confused. “It’s better than having Draco’s snot on my skirt because he was crying on me.” She said. You rolled your eyes and looked away. “The dare wasn’t all him. I came up with the idea.” She began. “Why?” You asked. “Easy target. We were bored, you were there.” She sighed. “Draco took it. Mainly because no one except Fred and George knew you and he figured since you were in Gryffindor there was nothing to worry about.” Pansy said. “Then. Two weeks in, he called it off. We all thought ‘wow is she that unbearable?’. But we knew that wasn’t possible because he was getting to know you anyways.” Pansy explained. “Two weeks was all that boy needed before falling head over heels for you Y/n. That’s fourteen days.” “I can do math Pansy. But that doesn’t change the fact that he lied to me Pansy. I don’t trust people easily and I trusted him.” You said. “It’s not like he went and told us your darkest personal thoughts here.” She said. You shook your head. “Pansy, I trusted him to come to me on his own terms. Not a fucking bet. A bet I had to find out about through Blaise!” you snapped. She sighed. “Look, I’m not saying the situation isn’t fucked. It is. All I’m saying is to try to see this like Draco does. He hates people. He hates talking, he hates interacting, he hates it. But he went to you. He befriended you, yes on the pretense of a bet, but he stayed. He never trusted anyone until you. I get you not wanting to date again. But at least talk to him.” She said. You sighed. “I hate that you’re logical.” You muttered. “Someone has to be logical in this bitch. You and Draco are so God damn dramatic I half expected to come back to a Hamlet reenactment.” Pansy grumbled. 

The next day Draco didn’t even bother with classes. He just remained face planted on the sofa, hair messed up, clothes wrinkled... The boy was a disaster. Finally he had a plan. He got up one morning, leaving something for you in the common room. You walked out and saw journals sitting on the coffee table. “What’s this?” You asked. “Draco dropped them off. Said they were for you. Can we use them as kindling?” Fred asked. You sat on the couch, opening it to see that it was his diaries... Why the hell did he leave this here? 

Well after reading and looking in it you knew why. You were HEAVILY mentioned in them, him starting off in true Draco fashion and acting like a smartass the entire entry. He was so sure he had that bet in the bag. Then you got to the next one. “We have a lot in common.” followed by “I never thought I’d be able to tolerate a Gryffindor.” the next entry made it clear how this was going “I’m beginning to think this bet was a terrible idea. It’s like I’m betraying her in some way.” You gripped the book tightly reading on. “She’s becoming a constant thought. I swear Snape is beginning to think I’m on something because of how spaced out she makes me.” You swallowed a forming lump in your throat “I called off the bet. I couldn’t do it. I think I actually fell for her. Ironic. I was supposed to seduce her.. Instead she’s captivated me.” You let out a long shaking breath. You spent most of the night reading page after page. His first kiss with you, his first date, his first time seeing you in a dress, his first time talking with you all night, the first night you two woke up next to each other. Your heart stopped when you read “Honest to God... I want to marry this woman. I want to keep her in my life for as long as humanly possible. She’s trusted me with so much, as I her. I love her. She’s my world. She sang this song in front of me once... I think the best way to describe this is.. I’m stupid in love.” You closed the last journal and leaned back crying. “Y/n? Do I have to kill someone?” George asked. “Guys... I messed up.” You admitted. You explained what you just read, avoiding any deep personal thoughts that Draco most likely wouldn’t want them to know. “....Crap.” Fred groaned. “What?” You asked. “I want to hate this kid. But... Damn if this isn’t a way to make up for this.” He admitted. “Feeling like he betrayed your inner thoughts so he gave you his... Even I can admit this is... Wow.” George agreed. “I have to go find him.” You said leaving.

You walked in seeing his face buried in a pillow, laying flat on the couch. “What the hell?” You muttered, making him snap up. His hair... Yes, you were depressed from the breakup but that hair looked like an owl nested in it and you snorted, busting out laughing. Draco was confused until he saw his reflection and fixed it. You recovered after a bit and finally cleared your throat. “I’m here to say--” “Can I--” “Uh--” “Oh you talk--” “No you--” You both sighed and you motioned for him to talk. “I’m sorry. You’re right. You trusted me with your feelings and I betrayed them. It doesn’t matter if I called off the bet or not, I just... I’m so sorry and I understand if you can’t trust me.” Draco said. You nodded. “It is going to take time for you to earn back this trust. But... I betrayed your trust too. You trusted me to stay and I didn’t... You trusted me with your thoughts, your ideas, your love and I just... I left.” You said. Draco swallowed. “I read them. The journals. All of them.” you admitted. You took in a breath. “I’m sorry.” You said. He shook his head, hugging you. “You did nothing wrong Love...” he said. You pulled away, wiping your eyes. “I love you Draco.” You whispered. He rested his forehead on yours 

“I love you too.” 

[literaphobe]

season three of she-ra rated by catradora content

the price of power: adora talks about how she thinks the others at the horde can change too and when u think about it in the “at this point in the story, she still hoped catra would change” way it’s like wow :’) we knew that but wow :’) it sucks tho that in this scenario she’s actually wondering specifically if shadow weaver can change, which :/ hm :/ bc shadow weaver sucks. adora really fucking called her out on her abuse tho which is so sexy, and yes that has nothing to do with catradora i just felt like i really wanted to mention it at least <3 shadow weaver is a loserrrr <3 but.... she does mention “catra betrayed me” which makes adora do her “oh, catra?👀” eyebrow raise. i swear she cannot keep a straight fucking face whenever someone mentions catra. it’s like. are you lgbt or something? :/ 2/10

huntara: no catra this episode, but adora’s reaction to huntara will forever go down as one of her stupidest gay moments. u think catra knew super huge buff ladies were adora’s type? how fucking funny would it be if catra thought she never stood a chance with adora not because of the internalized homophobia shadow weaver instilled in them but simply because she thought she was not tall and buff enough for adora’s taste. “adora doesn’t want me!!!!! not like i want her..... because i’m not swole😔” 0/10

once upon a time in the waste: very funny and sexy of catra 2 be like. hm. i was sent here to die. i have completely given up on my hopes and dreams. oh wait what did you say? she-ra?😏 and she was blonde?👀 she’s got a sword?😩 she was angry?😽 her name is adora?👅 and all of a sudden catra is like nope existential crisis over. i’m gay again. and also evil again. that mix culminates in her giving a sexy monologue. did you know that if you’re gay and evil you will give very sexy monologues? and also sword lesbians will fall in love with you despite your questionable morals? anyway, catra takes over the whole of the crimson waste. i won’t discuss how since technically it doesn’t involve catradora but it was really hot okay😔 also adora was being really hot and powerful and fearless (she did not even flinch as bats flew in her face. hello?) and Angery this ep but i will also not get into it😩 i will however remark upon how both catra and adora low key had meltdown monologues this ep, and it is :( but also hot and cool of them. now, i will move onto when they meet <3 catra starts slow clapping as her goons creep onto mara’s ship and poison dart the best friend squad. they only send three darts flying and the last one is blocked by huntara. we have to assume that catra only ordered her team to send three darts for huntara, bow, and glimmer, leaving adora for last because catra has to greet her with, and let’s say it all together—“hey, adora😼”. adora tries to make a run for her sword but catra uses her new sexy cool whip to take it away. “i think this might be the quickest i ever won a fight. always so dramatic with you, isn’t it, adora?” adora tells huntara to save bow and glimmer first, leaving adora as catra’s only prisoner. 👀👀👀👀 soon after, everyone is celebrating, and catra sits in the big chair on mara’s ship like it’s a throne, casually draped over with adora’s sword in her hand, the long blade just resting between her legs. and. hooooooooooooooo boooooooooooooiiiiii. let me just. let me just have a second over here okay folks? this is all very hard for my sexuality to take. i don’t think u all realize how hard it is to make these evaluations. every day i have a breakdown over how hot one of them is. it’s one thing to just watch the show but every time something gay happens (so like, every five seconds) i gotta pause it and take notes (by take notes i really mean start ranting about it like this) and then i gotta like rewind it and shit to double check and i have to force myself to just be repeatedly subjected to the gayness. starting to get a little homophobic tbh! okay back to the show. catra is so fucking sweet and makes everyone cheer scorpia on too. she breaks out into this beautiful giggle. oh my god her laugh. bitches falling for this catgirl left and right smh. catra grabs scorpia’s claw and drags her away from the party. we also find out this is when catra learns about what a party is. remember how adora didn’t know what a party was either? :( damn. they deserve to have absolute ragers ok. catra starts talking about how valued and cool she will be when they go back and show hordak the sword, etc, and scorpia is like. but what if we didn’t do that. what if we just stayed here and had a gay life. a good honest gay life filled with sick parties and gang leading. and catra is like oh right.... u have a point..... i do hate the horde...... wonder why that is.... and then scorpia makes a fatal mistake. she says “forget adora!” which is about the dumbest thing you can tell a self destructive catgirl who’s been in love with adora her whole life but also kinda resents her atm. and catra is like perhaps i don’t want to forget adora. did u consider that scorpia? did you not think about how i crave her lips upon my mouth every night? fuck u im gonna go uh... find adora n maybe tie her up even more idk >:( catra goes to “check on the prisoner”, according to her own words. what does that mean, catra. like what. ur gonna go see if adora wants some tea? something 2 eat?👅 someone to kiss? Fkskdjdjdj adora is obviously struggling against her restraints and trying to break free, and the second she sees her she goes “catra, you can’t do this! >:(“ and catra is like “well, hello to you, too.” because MANNERS, adora, like god damn it catra always puts in the tender loving care and effort to greet you and you can’t even say hello? :( catra dismisses the goon who was previously guarding adora, because when you.... talk to your..... best friend turned enemy who’s now your prisoner. ur gonna want some privacy ya know😌😩👀😔 anyway catra is like ok.... once again.... y can’t i do this. and adora is like more horde army might come in!!! which. adora baby i love you but maybe don’t make that the thesis statement of your sales pitch? to the person who was second in command at the horde?? not to nitpick but if i were u i would’ve just said “noooooo don’t open a portal that might destroy reality ur so sexy ahaha” OR “if u give me back my sword and decide NOT to rip apart the fabric of this dimension i’ll kiss you on the mouth❤️” i know that u think ur feelings are one sided and that catra isn’t in love with you and that you can’t seduce her to the bright side💔 but u actually could have 💔 fkdkdjdjdj moving on.... catra says “never a dull moment with you❤️” which is weirdly so romantic. like yeah they’re enemies but catra gets bored when adora isn’t around. life is always exciting when adora is there, in catra’s eyes :’( like damn bitch if you like her so much why don’t you just marry her haha. please? <3 adora continues to explain that we will ALL lose if hordak opens a portal, light hope and mara said that opening a portal will endanger everyone!! and catra says the funniest thing. “you’ll listen to anything weird old holograms tell you, won’t you? you should really try to get over that. :/“ LFKDKFKDKFKFKFJ GIRL YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING THIS FUNNY. but then adora says the wrong thing :( she brought up you know who and said “shadow weaver told me” and catra.... :( she’s like. how did. she tell you. and adora’s voice goes soft and it’s like “you didn’t know?” because from what she knows catra is allegedly the one who betrayed shadow weaver, not the other way around. and catra grabs adora by the collar and pulls her in and adora gets this gasp and. let me just scream for five minutes. okay. i’m back. so. catra pulls her in and she’s like HOW. and adora just very slowly and cautiously tells her the truth. that shadow weaver is in bright moon. and :( catra :( she lets go of adora and comes to this. very destructive realization that shadow weaver “left her” for adora and that all the pain she’s felt is all Because Of Adora. that, just by being adora, everything, all the happiness that catra could have had, has been taken away. which she is wrong about but that’s what she thinks :( and adora realizes that this is. not good. and she gently goes “catra?” because the look on her face must be worrying to adora, and catra starts to walk away and adora desperately calls out to her. “catra, please, you have to listen!” but...... it’s too late :( and catra is enveloped by the darkness. 9/10 for the collar grabbing shit and just the inherent gayness of their connection and interactions but also this is all so sad bros :( my bros are all devastated

moment of truth: catra walks back into the horde with her arm around adora’s shoulder. hm! Hm! HM! really doesn’t feel like she needs to do that! but she’s doing it anyway! later on, entrapta and adora are alone and talking. “catra would say anything to get whatever she wants.” true, but also not true, adora. she wants to be your gf, but has she said anything about it? no :/ that’s in like 2 seasons. and you were literally about to die so she low key had nothing to gain. so :/ think carefully next time. fjsjfjsjdjdjd entrapta pulls out the funniest cutest bar graphs of data, and there’s like four categories and for some reason catra has low scores for the first three but a really high score for the last one? i desperately want to know what that is. adora says “look, i understand. catra was my friend, too.” and she casts her eyes to the side when she says this. as if.... that statement is a lot more loaded than it seems. because yes catra was adora’s friend. but also wasn’t she, at the same time, so much more than that? yes <3 it was because they were best friends <3 gal pals <3 “but she makes bad decisions. this is one of them.” :( yeah i mean what am i supposed to do. disagree with that? it’s so wild to think about how even through all of this adora never hated catra. arguably, she never stopped loving her either. which. sigh😔 pour one out boys we are yearning tonight! entrapta leaves the room, asking adora if she’ll try to escape. and adora is like “no?👀” which is irrelevant but also really funny. another irrelevant thing i want to bring up is catra when she’s losing in a fight against shadow weaver. “so, what? you’re on the side of good now? you made me this way, and you get to be the good guy?” bro. fucking.... bro. catra’s lines istg.... also her being able to take on gang leaders and princesses and take those people down easily but to lose so quickly to shadow weaver... y’all know what that is right :( sigh. wait. i’m not done let’s sit very sadly on this next line for a bit. “do you know what happened to me after you escaped? do you even care?” i’m gonna cry okay. right. back to catradora. catra is. really unhinged and devastated and destructive right now :( and so she marches into entrapta’s lab and demands that they fire up the portal machine. entrapta says they can’t, because “adora was right” and immediately that sets catra off. she gives this barely restrained chuckle and is like “adora is right.....” and she’s just. having a full on breakdown. she’s just filled with so much anger and resentment.... i can’t even joke and call it a hate boner man, and that sucks because i would love to call it a hate boner :( “adora gets EVERYTHING she wants” no catra, you are wrong. she wants you. she does not have you. case closed. adora has literally only truly wanted one thing in her life, and she does not have it because you won’t give it to her 😔 in conclusion, adora p much never gets what she wants :( why don’t you go over and hug her and then maybe you’ll calm down. i know it’s more complicated than that but still😔 anyway, catra is very determined to not let adora win, so in order to beat adora, she decides they have to open the portal no matter what, because that’s the one thing adora seems to not want right now. some very not chill stuff happens, and catra runs into hordak’s lab and demands that he opens the portal. she lies to hordak and says “oh you can’t trust anyone, especially a PRINCESS” and she turns over to glare pointedly at adora. which is. SUCH a bitter ex thing to do. “they’ll just use you to get what they want” CATRA SHE LOVES YOU :( SHES IN LOVE WITH YOU SHE ONLY EVER WANTED TO BE WITH YOU :( and also she was raised to think she only had worth if she did what others expected of her and that everyone’s happiness and safety was somehow her responsibility. and that it would be better for her to die than for others to get hurt. she was never trying to use you :( you were the only thing that ever made her selfish :( bow, glimmer, and shadow weaver run in and fight with hordak and catra, and catra realizes she has to pull the lever now or it’ll be too late. adora desperately yells “catra, please, don’t!” and catra looks at her for a last time, evil smirking before she does it. roll credits. 8.5/10

remember: oh, we’re really in it now huh :( we hear the last lines from catra and adora from the last episode, and i think this is a part of adora’s dream. she is woken up by catra gently saying her name <3 then by catra a little bit angrily saying her name fjsjdjdjd adora wakes up with a shock and catra is sitting on top of her. HHHHHH. okay. adora shoves catra off and catra is like ???? damn what usually u pull me closer and hug me when i wake u up😔😔 wtf. but catra grabs adora’s wrists to calm her down anyway and gives her this pretty reassuring look, and she jokes “heh, since when do you sleep in? u usually wake up early to flirt with me!” as we all know adora gets nightmares even from her days in the horde so catra just treats this as normal and tries to make adora feel better as usual. ground her and say lighthearted things to make adora remember that she is safe. i mean technically the universe is collapsing in on itself rn so making adora feel safe isn’t the Best thing to do but catra also thinks the fake reality IS reality atm so that’s not her fault <3 adora is confused about how she got “here” and catra finds this strange because adora is in her room! she has her own room now, because she’s force captain! which makes u wonder whether catra and adora would sleep in the same bed if adora was force captain. would catra creep in and sleep in her bed still? would they lock the door and cuddle? oh well! guess we’ll never know! they... are so soft here, just smiling at each other, catra worried about adora, adora smiling back and deciding to just dismiss what happened as a weird dream. “there was something i needed to fix...” “of course you dream about work. there’s nothing to fix adora. everything’s perfect.” hhhh i know everyone in the fake reality thinks Everything’s Perfect too but can we just be gay for a second and think about how a perfect life for catra is just... to be with adora. can we just chomp down on that meaty thought for a sec? :( ok anyway, catra puts her hand on adora’s shoulder and adora smiles and is like wow ur right :) this does feel pretty perfect i mean catra and i are in bed together what could be so wrong💞😜😘👅😎😩 catra pulls adora up to her feet and says “come on, get up” and adora is perfectly happy to just chase after catra. it’s so fucking unfortunate tho that she decides at the last second to pick her ugly ass jacket up. like baby, no. u look perfectly hot as is in that white top. but she needs the jacket to see her force captain badge so she can get Visions or whatever. like goddamn i know the world was collapsing in on itself but imagine if shadow weaver had never been like abusive and the horde was just some chill ass ugly hangout spot instead of a fascist regime. catra and adora really could’ve just been happy huh? :( anyway catra gets kinda annoyed that her gf is not chasing after her any more and instead putting on her ugly ass jacket and looking at it in the mirror. so she’s like “adora! :(“ and adora goes running. she always comes when catra calls for her😌😌😌😌 and then the opening credits play, giving me whiplash. wow that was such a gay fucking cold open. adora walks side by side with catra and is a little weirded out by all the people saluting her and shit. and she’s like lmao wtf what are they all looking at and catra is like u u beautiful idiot. ur hot, and also the invasion of thaymor that u led went perfectly❤️ ur the hero of the hour i’m so proud of you babe❤️ catra is just a proud happy gf who smiles so beautifully and adora is getting more Visions and Flashbacks. but catra is so hot when she’s proud of her that adora decides that she’s gonna be like YEAH OMG I DID THAT WAR CRIME RIGHTS <3 and salutes people like a fucking idiot. and catra does the whole flirty “oh please, you couldn’t have done it without me ;)” bit and wraps her gay arm around gay adora who looks like she’s in heaven, hilariously pushing adora down a bit because catra is SHORT FJSJDJDJD and adora is like “rightttt ;) what would i ever do without you ;)” and man to be a horde soldier witnessing their flirting. i would start yelling slurs at them immediately. adora elbows catra with her arm and they both laugh, but the force causes catra to bump into a horde soldier. and the soldier makes the fatal mistake of reacting normally and being like HEY WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING TWERP and catra is not amused. adora puts her hands on her hips, glaring at the soldier, and he immediately gets so fucking scared. and the soldier is like UHUHUH FORCE CAPTAIN I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE— I’M SO SORRY. didn’t know she was what? DIDN’T KNOW SHE WAS WHAT???? gay????? banging this angry catgirl????? in the middle of flirting with her??????? WHAT DOES IT MEAN. what does it ALL mean?????? and adora is just like YEAH U BETTER BE >:( disMISSED >:( like fucking WHAT?????? yeah how dare u get mad at my gf for bumping into you. it is YOUR fault for existing while we were roughhousing as part of a very intricate ritual. u ruined the FLOW of our flirting u jackass. u fucking bitch. now we gotta start all over again :( and then like the soldier leaves while v terrified and keeps bowing at them and catra and adora just bursts out laughing at each other. they’re that lesbian couple who will bully u in school and feel zero remorse for it. that is so fucking sexy. i wish that were me. catra proceeds to make fun of the soldier she bumped into and didn’t even apologize to all “oh, force captain, don’t hurt me! UHAHASHUAH” and adora plays along with the re-enactment by posing and acting tough. catra really do be flexing her privilege as gf of everyone’s boss huh. she’s that secretary who WILL spit in your coffee and kick you in the shin all because the CEO is in love with her and they’re like slamming ass. catra is like. just straight up rubbing it in everyone’s faces that she’s untouchable because adora is in love with her. that’s just. that’s just greaaat. they both start laughing again at their own jokes. and yeah they’re both pretty funny people but like ok lesbians. have fun being happy or whatever. catra is like “too good” and adora is like hehehe baby!!!! where are we going again and catra is like to the locker room!! there’s something i wanna show you😘😘😘 because you know they’re in love. them just walking down a corridor together feels like a straight up date. adora thinks they’re taking The Long Way instead of this shortcut she knows with a side door but that door is gone and suddenly this throws Doubt again. and i guess that door got swallowed up by the reality-collapsing portal but damn adora :/ what’s wrong with taking the long way? :/ too good to spend some quality time w ur gf? :/ JFJSJDJ anyway catra is like what? no this way is the right way :) the scene can be read as cute gfs who argue about directions even tho it’s just a walk to the locker room ❤️ i wouldn’t say it’s the right way to read the scene bc the point is that parts of reality as adora knows it is disappearing but shhh. i am gay <3 catra immediately starts worrying about adora again and she’s like DO U HAVE A CONCUSSION :( and like grabs adora’s face which is so cute. she also accidentally shoves adora towards her chest so adora has No Choice but to stare :) good for you adora “i know you get hit on the head a lot” JFKSKDKSJDJD man but catra gf goals tho :( get u a girl who will check if u have a concussion because you get hit on the head a lot, most of it accidents 😩😩😩 “but i figured your dumb little hair poof would cushion the blow” HDHJSSHAHSHSHSH GET YOU A GIRLFRIEND WHO WILL LOVE YOU EVEN THO UR HAIR POOF IS DUMB😳😳😳 adora is a tiny bit >:( about being roasted for her hair choices and also a bit >:) because catra touched her and she’s like LMAOOO IM ALL CHILL M8 😩👌🏻💅🏻😎 “don’t make me kick your butt” as she shoves catra. wow adora! watch where you’re putting your hands! jk i know i know :) you simply have no choice because the only place to shove someone is to push their tiddies :) i understand and approve :) catra responds to adora’s threats with “pft ;) as if you could” which is just yet another invitation for them to “fight” :). u know how i feel about catradora and their roughhousing? it’s like. u know how people talk about men fighting each other as an excuse to touch? i feel like catradora said yeah that’s ours now. and they’re right. it’s theirs. they literally. they fucking giggle and shit as they start shoving and hitting each other all the way to the locker room. and lonnie is like SURPRISE and adora’s reaction is so funny she legit looks like she got mad p*ssy blocked and she’s like the FUCK. and catra isn’t as mad bc she kind of like planned this cute like i love you adora❤️ surprise party. because it’s a surprise party! for adora! adora is like damn whats this?? grey ration bar cake w my face drawn on it? also from the looks of the drawing i feel like catra definitely drew it. isn’t that so fucking cute. adora hugs lonnie (yay) and kyle (what the fuck gross???) and she’s like u guys 😩😩😩u got the gray kind.... that’s way better than the brown kind.... lonnie is like “hey, it was catra’s idea!” implying that catra definitely specifically told them to make the cake out of the gray ration bars, not the brown ones. and adora. let’s all take a deep breath. she goes. “oh yeah? ;)” in the most. insufferably flirty way ever. like in that Wow This Was All You Huh ;) way, with her stupid hands on her stupid hips giving catra this 😏😏😏😏😏😏 look. and catra is like ;) casually leaning against the wall, her arms all crossed. it is interesting to note that adora keeps putting her hands on her hips and catra keeps crossing her arms. i think that’s really cute. catra says “eh, whatever, don’t make a big deal about it” but it is a big deal catra. u don’t just plan cute surprise parties for anyone. and the fact that this is YOU we’re talking about? for catra planning a thoughtful surprise party catered to adora’s tastes all because she’s proud of her accomplishments..... is on par with proposing marriage. adora won’t let catra live this down tho. “wow, i can’t believe you like me ;) that is so embarrassing for you!” and she grabs catra for head scratches. catra giggles and pushes against adora saying “stop it😳😳(no don’t stop bro don’t stop😩😩) get off 🙄🙄 (wait actually don’t get off😩😩) this is not 😡 because i like you😳😳(it’s because i love you💞)” and she shoves adora off only to IMMEDIATELY pounce on adora, making adora laugh so fucking happily. kyle is secretly a lesbophobe tho so when he sees this gay display he’s like WUUUUOHOH I DROP CAKE :( and we get this VERY quick frame of catra and adora with their fingers interlocked before they pull apart at the crash and look at kyle. that is so fucking rude of u kyle. we could’ve gotten a few more seconds of catra and adora interlacing their fingers but NO. fuck u. thankfully, the euphoria of being gay is still burning strong for catra and adora, so they laugh happily instead of beating the shit out of kyle. how sweet <3 adora sees the word MARA in one of the cake pieces, and she’s very thrown off right before catra holds her shoulder and is like “hang on, you got something right... THERE!” and she like throws grey bar sludge into adora’s face ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 u know? how you pal around with your gals? adora rubs the grey cake stuff off her face, and then.... ugh i don’t even wanna say her name. we were all having such a good gay time :( [redacted] walks in and tells adora to get off the floor, and tells catra to get herself cleaned up. and [redacted] tells adora to come with her. adora gazes gayly upon catra’s face who gives her a reassuring smile that tells adora she’s okay, so adora runs along. catra looks lovingly at adora while she walks away. shadow weaver praises adora’s successful war crime and adora is like i couldn’t have done it without the others aka catra <3 and in this fake reality she succeeded in persuading shadow weaver to let catra come with her! adora goes to the force captain briefing and gets roasted by scorpia because scorpia is still like. jealous of adora because you know..... you know how you hate the person your crush is in love with? yeah <3 adora freaks out because the universe is falling apart and she keeps getting visions from her real life. and then catra appears, and all the weirdness stops for a moment. i think it is so interesting how the world starts falling apart faster when catra isn’t there, but when catra is there things in the fake reality start to look and feel a little more normal. it’s like.... catra and adora’s connection is so strong that when they’re together... they can stabilize the collapse of a reality. just for a little while. just to have a little more time together. their gay levels are THAT strong. they’re like level 5000 lesbians. and they just keep leveling up as the show goes on which is why by s5 they can defeat an intergalactic conquerer just by making out LMAOOOOO anyway. catra is very worried about her wife. she’s all “adora, what is wrong?” yeah she’s so worried she doesn’t even use a contraction. adora takes out the slip of paper and shows it to catra. “did you write this?????” and catra looks at it and is like “did i write a blank piece of paper? i’m gonna go with no.” which. KFKDKFKDKFKDKFFJ BROOOO WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY. it’s like not supposed to be funny because adora is having a meltdown but it’s so fucking funny i—moving on. adora starts properly freaking out and catra is like hey :( u ok omg :( calm down :( and she puts her hand on adora’s shoulder but adora swats it away like I CAN’T CALM DOWN :( and she starts rambling and referencing stuff that happened and this vision of catra betraying adora in promise shows up (i think it’s catra’s memory?????) and catra slaps adora. which. HEY :( but also it’s like very funny. and adora is like ow :( what was that? :( and catra is like sowwy!!!! :( u were freaking out!!!! and it was freaking me out!!!!! :( and adora is like well u didn’t have to Slap Me :(((((( and is like why would my evil catgirl gf do this. have i not loved her enough :( is this the thanks i get for loving her with my entire heart :( and catra grabs her arm and is like come on!!!! let’s get you outside!!!! you need some air :) and oh. oh man. oh to have my hand/arm lovingly held by a girl as she giggles and excitedly drags me somewhere. the fucking dream. adora protests against getting air which (??????) u don’t want air? but u need air? to breathe? i know adora is just trying to say she doesn’t need to like go to her and catra’s secret place at the highest edge of the horde but then oh guess what? she’s there with catra. and adora is like how did we get here.... and catra looks depressed because her gf is losing it and that’s so sad 😔 she’s like how did we get here? we climbed up :( like we always do :( or am i the only one who remembers that :( and adora is like idk what’s happening to me :( it’s like i’m losing my mind..... and catra is like you just need to relax <3 by hanging out with me <3 and adora is like ur probs right :( am fine :( everything fine :( and she gets this glimpse of catra and catra smiling evilly at her but catra gets up and is like huh! ofc im right! Everything’s Perfect! soon, the two of us are gonna be ruling etheria together, just like we always planned 😺😸😹😻😼😽😾🙀 and quietly, adora goes “is that what you really want? to rule the world?” and catra gets this UHHHHH look akin to when someone asks u “hey, do you like apples? or are you just gay for me?” and you gotta awkwardly answer “what.... nooooo..... i’m not gay i fucking love apples” and so catra gets the exact face that expresses this sentiment and she’s like “i mean, yeah, obviously. isn’t that what you want too?” and it’s like UGHHHH because clearly neither of them want to rule the world! ruling the world was just an excuse for catra to be with adora, and when adora inevitably says “hey maybe we shouldn’t rule the world” catra will take it to mean “i don’t want to be with you” instead of “ruling the world is bad” and it’s just. it really tears me the fuck up bros! when catra says don’t you want to rule the world too? she really means don’t you want to be with me? and it’s just. HHHHHHHHH. i can NOT. i have had it up to HERE. adora says “i don’t know (re ruling the world lmao i went on a tangent earlier)” and catra is like “don’t flake out on me now!” like ruling the world is meeting up for lunch and suddenly adora texted at 11:30 am that she’s not really feeling up to it today :/ “this is what we always wanted”, catra continues to say, and we all know that “this” is..... the freedom to be with each other, without everything else getting in the way. “everything will be perfect as long as we stay together”. and she is right about that. but also catra’s current definition of them “staying together” isn’t right. adora and catra were always supposed to meet halfway. they will both have to grow to do that. but let’s not get 2 deep😩 i am here to have meltdowns and make gay jokes only😌 and then adora says “what if we don’t stay together? what if it all goes wrong?” which is like. damn that’s the show right there KFKSJDJSJDJ and adora sees lightning again and she gets upset because why can’t catra see the reality-cracking lightning too!!!! why can’t catra see the light!!!!! why can’t she see that she should be doing good things and not evil things!!!!! why can’t she see that she should be coming with me, running away with me, being with me in a place that’s safe!!!!! and catra grabs her hand and is like “adora!!! stay with me, okay? :( you’re just seeing things. it’s all in your head” and it is all so terribly tragic and sad. ah, the age old argument. come with me, stay with me. i will be whispering this in decades’ time, spreading gay tales to my loved ones. after this, lonnie is calling for adora and catra. “thought we’d find you up there” FJSJDJSJDJD the way it’s just like an open secret that catra and adora are gay and have a gay hangout spot where they do gay things. incredible. adora finds out an entire week has passed all of a sudden and she grips her head in frustration and catra is like adora? :( and holds her in concern. and adora is like ranting about how there’s something wrong with space and time!! and catra is just freaked out and begging her to stop because adora please! please stop finding the destruction of reality weird and hold my hand! i haven’t been happy since the day you left! and.... hoo okay sadness. catra’s holding her arm and adora’s like we’re not supposed to be here!!! catra holds her upper arms and goes “adora, everything’s okay!” and adora snaps and tells her to stop saying that! because this isn’t right! because she will lose everything, including catra, if she does not fix this. “everyone keeps telling me everything is perfect but it’s not! everyone except... scorpia” so she runs away to find her and catra is like adora!!! adora, where are you going? please don’t go. don’t go where i can’t follow😔😔 but adora is gone. we get this whole thing with scorpia and adora and adora is straight up just so petty. about scorpia hating her. which mood because i want everyone to like me. all the time. but also adora in scorpia’s defense she has a crush on a certain catgirl who will Not Shut Up about you :/ adora gets flashbacks about catra and realizes that the girl she’s been inappropriately touching for the past.... day? is the one who did the thing that is destroying reality❤️ LMAOOOOO this would be like... hm actually not many situations available to describe this. except. have you been flirting with the thing that’s been trying to kill us? have you been in love with the thing that’s been trying to kill us? yeah stuff like that <3 “catra did this. she captured me, she took... the sword. she activated the portal!” LFKSKDKSKDKDK you know what? this would be 58384848484 times funnier if they had canonically banged during the fake reality before adora realized the world as they all knew it was about to end <3 and you know what? they did bone. but it was cut for time <3 KFKDKDKDK JKJK god i need to like shut up for once in my life. but if i did that, these evaluations which no one asked for would not exist❤️ adora loses scorpia and razz (temporarily) and lonnie and she finds catra again! even tho she now remembers that catra kidnapped her and took her sword and used it for the portal and activated her portal.... she immediately grabs catra and pulls her along with her. despite knowing all that..... for the moment she is acting on instinct and doesn’t care. she just wants to keep catra with her and keep catra safe because the portal is swallowing up so many people and she cannot lose catra. adora drags her to this weapons closet that closes behind them and catra, instead of kissing her in this enclosed space (WIMP), shakes her and is like hey! you’ve officially lost it, haven’t you? and adora is like listen, we have to go. now! scorpia, lonnie, kyle, rogelio, they’re all gone! but catra is like what are you talking about? who’s gone? and adora’s all they’re gone. there’s nothing left. and we’ll be next if we don’t get out of here right now. and she’s so firm about it putting her entire foot down because No. not catra. she Cannot lose her. but catra is so stuck in wanting some part of all this to be real that she’s arguing with adora that she’s not making sense and Everything Is Fine. and adora goes “don’t say it’s Perfect. i know it’s not perfect and so do you!” because... she just knows catra that well. and she knows catra is smart enough to see what’s going on if scorpia did that too. catra’s choosing to repress it all, but adora’s words snap catra into memory for a moment, and she remembers it, maybe even remembers it all, and i think.... it all just hurts too much and she’d rather not be in that reality so she acts like she doesn’t know a thing and tells adora she’s not going anywhere. frustrated because she can’t convince catra, adora picks up one of the stun barons and... tases catra KFKSKDKDKDKSKDK and i can’t help but think of when catra tased adora back in sword part 2 (1x02) and man that is not good but also so funny that they’ve both tased each other. there’s this desperation there in both instances that we should definitely not romanticize at all but they just. deep down they will just do close to anything to keep the other with them. and it is messed up! and i’m glad that a little ways down the road they unlearn this but also.... wow. adora catches catra tenderly in her arms as she slumps against her, literally fucking BRIDAL CARRYING catra out and running away from the crumbling horde. literally IMAGINE IF LIKE. catra did not wake up and fight with adora. imagine if catra had stayed passed out longer and adora had fixed the portal without anyone getting left behind. and catra was still unconscious and she like walks out of the portal back into where they all were with catra in her arms like that. just like hey i fixed the portal :) all of us nearly died and it was kind of partially this catgirl’s fault but i’m like low key desperately in love with her so can we keep her? lmao :-) anyway. adora steals a skiff again (lmao first ep throw back! remember their date) and flies her and catra out of the crumbling world. catra wakes up, watching adora’s determined face as she flies them out and catra’s like WAIT WTF DIDN’T U TASE ME and is like hypocritically fighting adora trying to grab the stun baton. bad idea! adora’s DRIVING you don’t attack the driver!! but catra does not often make good decisions </3 the skiff crashes and they both fall off. they get up, look at each other angrily and run after the stun baton. catra grabs it first but adora hits it out of her hand and grapples catra who continues to keep reaching for the weapon. “catra, you can’t. we need to get as far from the fright zone as possible or we’ll be completely erased along with everything else.” “you think you can convince me by kidnapping me?” well no but goddamn the world is COLLAPSING catra PLEASE :( also is the power of love not enough? catra she loves you she’s in love with you she would pull you from the depths of hell even if you threw everyone in there in the first place!!!!!! that’s how deep this runs because that’s not even a metaphor adora has identified you as the main party who brought upon this reality ripping portal and still!!! she wants you saved. is that not fucking hot? :/ is that not sexy enough for you? :/ KFKSKDKSKDK jkjk okay catra continues with “what is wrong with you?!” and throws adora over her shoulder. not to like. ruin a very heated and serious moment in the show. but catra throwing adora like it’s nothing is like... very strong..... and when you remember how adora likes strong girls........ KFKDKDKDKDKDKDJ adora b like ow that hurts 😔 u free next friday? 😳 catra goes up to the stun baton again and adora kicks it away. “i won’t leave you behind again.” “why can’t you just stay? we have everything we ever wanted.” BITCH THE WORLD IS COLLAPSING IN ON ITSELF. THERE’S A PORTAL EATING UP REALITY. STAY WHERE? “it’s not real, catra.” YES. save the world first, and then after this you can play rock paper scissors and the loser will go with the winner❤️ wouldn’t it be so funny if they did that. if they decided to leave it up to chance. if adora was like well the horde is evil but if you beat me in rock paper scissors i guess i will follow you wherever you go. and then they like fix the portal and everyone is like yay hey adora lets go back to bright moon! and she’s like yeah uh i gotta hash out this situation with my gf real quick uh just a little heads up i might be bringing the horde’s best strategist and leader over to our side OR i might be fighting for the bad people again :/ so wish me luck and everyone just had to stand there and watch as adora and catra held their hands out and went ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SHOOT anyway. “as much as i wish that things could be simple the way they used to be, there’s no going back.” and she holds catra gently and in many ways i think she’s sort of acknowledging that she really, really just wants that light hearted playful dynamic with catra back. they both just experienced it again. they both just threw themselves back into it again. and adora really wants to be happy with catra, she would stay with catra if she could, but she has overwhelming responsibilities and an overwhelming sense of responsibility that was instilled in her from a young age. and she thinks she shouldn’t get to choose her happiness, to put herself first. also like. THE HORDE IS EVIL DJSJDJSNDNSJS like. that’s a really important part too. it’s kind of hard for catra to distinguish that though because she’s had very. evil things done to her all her life. and she held on for so long because she thought adora would always be there with her but then adora walks away and makes it seem like. it could have been that easy. but it can’t have been that easy because if it was so easy why did catra have to suffer so much for? also adora didn’t run away to save catra. she had this destiny thrust upon her, and she chose to leave the horde before inviting catra along, which is not wrong of her at all, but it inevitably made catra feel like an afterthought. and now... things are kind of damaged. and catra just wants to run if adora won’t stay, so she shoves adora and takes off and adora lunges after her, tackling her, and adora decides to confront catra about the big elephant in the room, the thing she’s not said a thing about to catra until now when they’re fighting because she was so desperate to save catra before. “why did you do it?” “i don’t know what you’re talking about!” which is a lie but now that she really gets to see the consequences of her rage and anguish filled actions, i don’t think catra can properly explain it either. she was just so angry and she had built this narrative in her head that it was adora’s fault, and so she just wanted to do everything that adora didn’t want her to do. except u failed catra😔 adora wants you to love her and you do, you do love her😔 oopsie😔 you just don’t show it in healthy ways most of the time because your relationship is fraught with tragedy and abusive upbringings💔 adora gives up questioning catra for the moment because “there’s no time. we have to go.” catra grunts as adora’s childhood promise plays in her mind and it is overlaid with the adora of the present telling her “i promise, everything will be okay if we just stay together.” and goddamn adora really means it. she’s literally willing to patch everything up together even after everything if catra will just Decide right here, right now, to go with her. right then, the memory of adora first asking catra to come with her plays and adora is asking her, “help me fix this, please, this can’t be what you wanted” because adora knows! she knows how caught up catra was, in her pain and anger and desperation to win, to overcome all the times she lost growing up. she believed that catra, with her loving heart that saved adora everyday they knew each other growing up, could not have wanted to erase all of reality. to erase what they had. but just because adora knows that doesn’t mean catra does. all the rage and pain and resentment that led to her opening the portal, it is still there, and it is still affecting her judgement in a bad way, and by reminding her that she cannot just repress it all, that she cannot just play pretend with adora until their time is up,,,, this leads her to lash out again :( :( :( “don’t you get it? i am never going to go with you.” i wanna be like sad but also this bitch straight up LYING remember that other time she said “don’t you get it?” remember what came after that? so maybe catra in this moment is too angry and consumed by self hatred, too proud to admit she wants adora when she thinks adora doesn’t want her the way she wants her.... but “never”? lmaooooo ok :/ catra evil gay laughs and goes “you always have to go and ruin it, don’t you?” ruin what???? the illusion????? the pretenses you work so hard to keep to cover up how deep the feelings you both have run??? catra lunges for adora and fights with her, scratching and missing because adora is dodging and catra’s heart is too.... sigh..... she’s too fucking gay to really bring it ok? no matter how angry she is she still loves adora too much to give it her best. adora doesn’t fight back, mostly defending and pushing catra away. “catra, look what’s happening. you’re going to destroy everything!” catra stomped on her heart and she still wants to Convince her, which is really sad, for now, for both of them. and catra goes feral and is like “i don’t care! i won’t let you win. i’d rather see the whole world end than let that happen.” :( bro? this song is so sad. can we change it? sigh. catra is too far gone at the moment. everything, even the slightest concession to adora, even at the expense of existence, is like admitting defeat to catra. and when catra says she’d rather see the whole world end than let adora win, she’s also saying she’d let herself... die. and that is just so sad. bro who gave season three the right. like... i am so exhausted. i am just trying to call some bitches out for being gay, i did not sign up for all this pain. i am so exhausted. this episode is twenty odd minutes or so. you know how many hours i’ve spent writing this? it’s not anyone’s fault but mine for being extra, but man i am so tired. i love seeing catradora interact, but god, at what cost? the portal rips up the ground between them, and catra grabs at adora, clutching onto her badge. i cannot tell if she was just trying to take it off or she wanted to grab adora and pull her close too. “catra, no!” adora grabs catra’s wrist but the badge falls off and catra falls too. “catra!” catra is on some rock in the falling heap, and adora reaches for her but she’s too far away. still, she keeps her hand outstretched. but catra, who’s hanging on by a rock at this point, gives her this look of... almost helplessness. that then hardens into resentment and anger and she just. lets go. and adora, who has tears in her eyes, is just. she absolutely crumbles here. and she runs a good distance away and falls to her knees and just starts SOBBING. she is just crying so hard over losing catra AGAIN and it’s just. That’s Too Much, Man! thankfully, razz shows up and is like stop crying bitch u can still save her ❤️ so adora decides to stop crying for all time and gets to work❤️ 10/10 but also did i ask? :/ yes i did and i am in so much pain right now. my god what an episode

the portal: it’s so fucking refreshing not seeing catradora for a bit <3 i spent hours watching remember ok. here i am now starting the last ep at least a full week later because of how much it was. sometimes this show is too gay <3 i love it tho! i do <3 it’s just hard having to pause and replay every five seconds and write an essay about the tiniest thing <3 and i know what you’re thinking <3 no one asked me to do this <3 no one asked me to be so extra <3 and yet <3 anyway, more than half of the ep passes with adora losing bow and glimmer in the end, but as she’s crying on her knees again she lifts her head up and corrupted!catra touches her forehead with one finger. oh <3 that’s gay <3 anyway, catra’s here because she died but she’s got like nine lives so she’s back now and infected by the collapsing portal. oh great! we get what is probably the most cursed ḩ̵͕̺̯͚̞͈̰̤͎̥̗̳͂̽̃̄͌̎̅̈́̏̎͘͝͝ẻ̷͇͚͈̤̪̖̜̥̥̱̼̅̒͌͗͝y̴̥̺̓͌͊͌̊͒͌̏̔̕͝ ̶̧̟̤̠̯̱̳͕̙̯̔ͅá̶̤͉͕̱̰̮̺̮̝̗̱̲͓̺̯̒͐͐d̵̨̟̖̦̈̑̄̌̍̆̀̾̊̑̽͗͝͠ȏ̷̧̢̨̞̮͇̟̘̘̠̼̊͆̐̉̉̀̌̿̚ͅŗ̴̢̬͚͉̦̘̪̜̥̑̔̈́̀̒͂͗͜͠ͅą̸̡̡͕͈͚͕̼͔̳͔̖̙̯̱̓͗̊́. the look on adora’s face when she’s greeted with this is very interesting. she gives catra this little once over. on one hand, catra isn’t gone like adora thought when she had lost her into the collapsing portal, but also something about this catra definitely doesn’t look right. catra then proceeds to slam adora into another dimension. flat against the bar table in the crimson waste... and ngl it looks like. catra slammed her on the table for :/ stuff :/ that’s like :/ you know :/ banging :/ and adora even looks around for a moment because catra isn’t there and adora’s thinking damn where u at catra? :/ so you didn’t slam me against this table for... no? :( we aren’t gonna slam ass? :( but then surprise surprise! catra straddles her at the last moment! adora gasps and catra is like oh... where are your friends? in that unsettling corrupted tone. notice how adora has been silent this entire time. so horny you couldn’t speak bitch? :/ sadly, catra lunges for adora and adora realizes that catra is still evil and that she isn’t going to kiss her gently on the lips after all 😔 adora grabs catra by the arm and pulls her close. she puts her other hand on catra’s shoulder. adora baby.... you don’t need to touch her with both hands. are you that gay? yes. why am i even asking that question. “catra, stop. you have to–“ catra pushes her face aside. “it’s always the same with you, adora. i have to do this, oh we have to do that!” and then they’re like gay struggling against each other? and catra pulls adora up and holds her tight against her, adora’s arm bent over catra’s shoulder to keep her there. then with her other arm she wraps her elbow around adora’s other arm to further restrain her? and then she puts her face right against adora’s cheek. i don’t know how to explain this. it’s just. homoerotic. damn the gays fight like this? catra then tosses adora aside and they land somewhere else. catra says like things to adora that are about her insecurities and stuff. but i’m not gonna get into those <3 isn’t that so sexy of me? instead i will say this. catra kind of like fights one sidedly with adora a lot in this segment where they go through various locations we’ve seen in the show, and she like talks a lot of shit. but let’s focus on how adora’s feeling <3 she goes through it like this. 1) not horny anymore! i’m scared/insecure/angry with catra now 2) catra throws adora into the big chair on mara’s ship and catra slams her hand against it next to adora’s face like how someone might do before you kiss them in movies 3) horny again 4) catra doesn’t say sorry for the mean things corrupted her said and she didn’t kiss her gently on the lips so adora gets her shit together and realizes all the things evil corrupted catra is saying is not her fault! she pushes catra away and is like “i didn’t make you pull the switch. i didn’t make you do anything! i didn’t break the world, but i am gonna fix it. and you? you made your choice. now live with it!” and in between all that she fights back against catra and at the end she does you know that punch we all know about. but after the punch she calms down from that emotional breakthrough high and gets this :( face. at the end of the day... no matter how far gone catra went, no matter how right she was in setting those boundaries and making it clear catra has to be responsible for her actions, adora cares. adora loves her, it’s the one thing she can’t help. and to see catra sink so deep into the darkness... it hurts her. adora watches catra disintegrate when they fall into the wormhole thing that the portal caused, and she has this like. >:( :( look because adora’s planning to fix everything anyway, the upsetting thing here for her is that she failed to make catra see sense. catra’s likely going back to the horde when all of this is over and there’s nothing adora can do about it. and at the moment i don’t think adora wants to try anymore after failing so many times... which is good for her! but also they are both going to be so sad after this </3 after the whole angella scene (miss that milf) adora gets the sword back and becomes she ra again. we go back to the scene in the horde and catra clutches the side of her face, so we know that was her but it also wasn’t Her, you know? like part of her face got corrupted by the portal and she just had to make sure she was real and whole again. adora comes back as she-ra and destroys the portal, prompting catra to escape. but she looks back at the last moment, looks back angrily, and adora gives her an equally hard stare. she’s done with catra, for the moment, and catra realizes this, and it kind of hits her that this adora is different now. and for a moment she is sad and afraid, but she pulls it together to make a mean face again, before running away. 9/10

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Can you please tell us about the whole scenario where MC gets kidnapped and Comte rescues her? The one with the CG I mean.

Sure thing! I’ll do my best to relay the events accurately, as this is one of my favorite moments in his rt~

Sizable Comte rt spoilers below, pls don’t click if you’d like to wait for the ENG release!

Okay so some much needed context before I delve too deep. In the first few chapters of the route, MC debuts in French high society (introduced by Comte as a friend’s heiress from overseas). As such, the better part of the Parisian population knows MC as somebody of noble birth. This is important moving forward.

One day while she’s in town she goes out with a friend upon request (also of high rank, somebody she met and made friends with at her debut) and Sebas encourages her to have fun before meeting up again to return home. Problem is, there has apparently been a great deal of unrest among the people in the lower rungs of the social ladder. Joblessness has been a prominent issue, and so a group of men decide to target members of the elite in order to force them to give a damn about the problem. In their desperation, they choose to abduct MC and her friend and tie them up in separate locations.

The other young lady’s butler/servant is present when they’re taken, but is unable to do anything to stop them. Surprising no one, he races over to find Sebas and tell him what’s happened. Naturally, Sebas is beside himself and takes the man with him in order to alert Comte. And Comte.........well........let’s just say he does not take the news well to say the LEAST. He hears them out, goes silent and it shows his furious sprite, and he’s about to storm out when Leonardo appears out of nowhere after he says MC’s name raggedly. (Note: not that odd bc purebloods seem to be able to sense each other’s feelings easily, and it’s likely he was responding to Comte’s acute and sudden distress). Leonardo has to grab Comte’s shoulder and tell him to calm down before he collects himself again, and then he leaves with Napoleon and Jeanne to go find them asap. 

Iirc, Sebas/the other residents take up the task of alerting the police and trying to find more information while the search party is underway. There is a hilarious tidbit I’d like to share, only because it’s uproarious and makes me laugh every fucking time I translate it fdkhdgdjfsf. So basically they’re all trying to figure out what’s going on, until Sebastian mentions the whole coalition of impoverished people looking to get back at high society for the financial inequities of the historic moment. Now Mozart, in a moment of brilliant word association, says “Oh, well yeah under those circumstances that would make MC the ideal target.” And I fucking. Isaac just turns around and is like. “Could you not. Say it like that. When our dad is hAVING A FUCKING MELTDOWN AND A DISPLACED HUMAN WOMAN IS IN MORTAL DANGER. COULD YOU MAYBE NOT???? JUST THIS ONCE.” And I just fucking lose it every time????? Like are those not the most Mozart-core and Isaac-core responses imaginable????? Mozart being so focused on the logic of the situation he just doesn’t seem to be able to read the room/keep in mind how upset Comte might be. Isaac being HYPERSENSITIVE to the emotions in the room and being MORTIFIED that Mozart wouldn’t word things more carefully.

Also a short note since I’ve been thinking about it for a while now. One parallel between Comte and Isaac I find utterly fascinating is that the two seem to share a formidable understanding when it comes to anxiety especially. Despite how composed Comte appears in the game, we later see more and more evidence of how deeply anxious he is when it comes to his future and the prospect of sudden loss. As a result, I feel like their biggest difference lies in the fact that Comte is a great deal older--so he has an easier time concealing/stifling/de-escalating his anxious responses. Even so, they seem to share difficulty in maintaining emotional distance. If Comte doesn’t exercise control, he gets too close to people, and the inevitable fallout (since they usually die first) is devastating. I think Isaac operates similarly, but his anxiety was so overwhelming he didn’t manage to get that close to most of the people in his time (Essentially, he doesn’t have the same charisma Comte possesses and he hasn’t lost as many people consecutively as Comte has). 

Moving right along. So! Comte and our swashbuckling friends (the Baguettes, as I like to call them) pinpoint the location/bunkers where MC and her friend are being kept against their will. (They find them after they receive a tip as to where the two ladies were last seen in town.) I’d like to note that in Comte’s POV of this chapter, he continuously blames himself for everything that’s happened. Saying that if he had been more careful, if he had done the right/smart thing and kept his distance, then she would have been out of harm’s way. (I disagree in that, when trouble seeks to find you it’s usually more a matter of entropy). In the midst of his agonizing, his mind goes to the worst case scenario and he forces the terror down--desperately wishing that he isn’t too late. 

So our bois split up into two groups, one being Comte and the other being Napoleon and Jeanne (yes this is Area 51 and Comte literally does Naruto run--but he doesn’t dodge the bullets bc they can’t kill him). Naturally our pureblood wonder manages to take out all the guards present and kicks down the door to where she’s tied up. The moment he sees her relief floods him and he rushes forward, untying her immediately. MC sees him covered in wounds--blood and torn clothing as far as the eye can see--and has a moment of genuine shock. She’s so used to the immaculate and ethereal appearance (not a hair out of place) that seeing him so disheveled and wild-eyed startles her. He asks her if she’s injured anywhere and she’s able to confirm she’s fine. He seems to be unable to register that she’s alright until she says those words, and he draws her close in his arms and starts shaking. She’s surprised again by his sudden proximity, but when she feels him trembling she hugs him back and strokes gently along his back, murmuring over and over again that’s she okay. She feels fine, she’s safe now.

In his POV, he speaks to the terror of her life lost that was weighing on him. He’s only able to verify that she’s alive when he feels her body heat, can feel her heart beat, can feel her arms moving--that’s why he hugs her; to have undeniable evidence that she’s still breathing. He hates himself for being so fragile, for being so needy, but melts under the gentleness of her touch.

Before the scene ends, MC hears his broken mumble at her shoulder: “Thank goodness...I don’t want to lose anyone anymore.”

And just to make it hurt even more! From Comte’s POV it reads (the brackets are his unspoken thoughts): 

"I......I don't want to lose anyone.......anymore" [I don't want to lose you... She hugs me back and her hands stroke gently along my back, as if cradling my heart. Her hands are so warm, proof that she's alive. You're so strong.....and so, so gentle. I know I should be prepared to say goodbye. I know I shouldn't be doing this. But I don't want to let you go...]

;-; I just. Every single time I read those lines I just start sobbing. He’s so tired of being alone, so exhausted. He loves her so much!!!!!!! He just wants one moment of PEACE GOD DAMN IT, LEAVE HIM ALONE CYBIRD!!!!!!!!!!!!

ANYWAY the story then skips to the aftermath, where Comte is back to his usual collected self. He’s at his desk doing his work (as usual) when MC comes in asking about how everything's going. He explains that he was able to find work for the people who attacked her, citing once again the concept of “Noblesse Oblige.” (For those unaware, it means “noble obligation” in French and alludes to this notion that the wealthy/privileged parties of society have nothing short of an obligation to use their resources in service to the less fortunate.) MC starts gushing about how both her and the police are really impressed by his ability to forgive them and help them anyway. This is where Comte drops that L E G E N D A R Y line where he says “Forgiven them? I never said I had forgiven them. On the contrary, the only reason I’m doing this is because they left you unharmed.” with that chilling smile.

So like. Get you a fucking mans that has the ability to pretend everything’s fine when you get abducted, beat the shit out of your assailants to free you, have a panic attack after you’ve been secured, and then still manages to have the grace to help the people that put him through his literal worst fear imaginable/re-traumatizing him even if they didn’t know it. This was essentially the scene that made me fall 100% in love with him. It was one of the first moments of profound, undeniable proof that not only does he care about people--he cares so deeply it shakes him to the very core. There’s just something....so moving about the fact that no matter how hard he tries to pretend that he’s distanced from something/someone, beneath that persona you just find a veritable avalanche of compassionate feeling/love. 

[dragonleesupporter]

Incomplete Without You (Part 1)

Hey guys! Sorry I’ve been dead for so long. I wanted to make this for a loong time but lost motivation multiple times and nearly lost the whole damn file.

WARNING: Triggers for disablement, depression, talk of a suicide attempt, and panic attacks.

He grumbled as he was pushed along the sidewalk. He had every reason to complain, every reason to be upset, especially when a jogger moved past them. He was always told to be thankful to still be alive with his strange condition. Well, at least he could move his head and face muscles.

            “C’mon man, you said a view of the lake would make you feel better!” Remy prodded his cheek. “Where’s that smile?”

            “Dead. Long dead. Like the rest of my soul.” Virgil growled.

            “Ugh. This job’s sooo boring!” The sunglass-wearing punk complained.

            “Then forfeit your salary so the rest of me can die in peace.”

            Virgil was paralyzed from the shoulders, down. He couldn’t feel his body and needed constant assistance from those willing to put up with his acidic, pessimist attitude to help him do… pretty much everything. He couldn’t even hold his goddamn diploma when he graduated high school. Remy had to hold it for him. He had to give the coffee lover credit where credit was due. He was the one who had lasted the longest as his caretaker. Taking him on “walks” as to not make him feel helplessly alone. Thankfully, his parents did everything else, like dress him and clean him and lay him down to sleep.

            Even though he didn’t feel as alone with Remy keeping up gossipy conversations, he did feel piercing envy for anyone he saw around him. Laughing with their friends, running, swimming, riding bicycles, dancing… Not to mention the people that made fun of him, and yet he was supposed to be more positive that he wasn’t dead? Death would merciful to someone in Virgil’s position. He couldn’t even kill himself. Not to say he didn’t try. The closest he had gotten was when he had annoyed someone enough to shove him into the lake, who was unaware of his condition, while Remy was in the bathroom. Little did he know that the sassy teen was a fast pisser and was able to rescue him.

 Why couldn’t he just be fucking normal? Even for a day?

 “Oh hey, that man child texted you again.” Remy’s naturally condescending voice interrupted his thoughts. But he couldn’t help but smile just a little. “Puppylover99? What did he say?”

 “Work is super fun today! Got to hug a lot of people! Every time I hugged someone, I thought of you, kiddo!” Remy put on a high-pitched feminine-like voice, which made Virgil laugh, no matter how much he hated it.

            “You ass!” He would’ve hit him playfully if he could.

            “Is that what you want me to say?” Remy gave a cocky smirk, opening up messages.

            “No no no!” He shook his head madly, making his caretaker laugh even harder than Virgil did.

            “So… what- oh! He sent another.” Virgil’s smile widened as a small blush made its way onto his face, even though he was trying his best to fight it. “Anyway, I was wondering when I’d be able to hug you in person! I know we both live in Purble County.”

            Virgil’s smile was gone instantly. He had never physically met with any of his online friends before… What would he think? That he… wouldn’t be able to hug him back? Tears filled his eyes, and he couldn’t even wipe them away.

            Remy quickly pulled onto an alleyway so no one would see him like this. The caretaker quickly wiped his face and massaged the base of his neck to calm him. “I’m sorry, I should’ve read it and warned you first.”

            “It’s fine, Remy…” He sniffled.

            He was just about calmed down when he saw two people cheering just outside the alley, diving into each other’s arms.

            “It’s you!”

          “I can’t believe I found you!”

            Soulmates were a natural part of life in this world. Usually in the form of blanked out tattoos on someone’s skin that gets filled in when they meet their soulmate. There are other soulmates whose signs are a bit different, however. There was a case ten years ago where two people, one blind in the right eye, and the other blind in the left that magically gained full sight upon meeting each other. They were pronounced soulmates and are still together to this day. There were other cases where individuals didn’t have tattoos or anything of the sort, and lived their whole life out without a lover, claiming it was meant to be that way. Others have multiple soulmates. The subject is so complex, Virgil had to take multiple classes on it in high school.

 Virgil had been told by scientists and priests alike that he most likely wouldn’t have a soulmate based on the religious belief that cripples couldn’t contribute enough to a relationship, (welcome to Virgil’s church-hell) and the scientific data doctors collected from him on a weekly basis. Most of the population that was physically disabled in a 2018 case study found that they never found soulmates. Since Virgil was such a rare case, the doctors demanded data be collected from him every week to see if they couldn’t figure out what had caused it and if a cure couldn’t be found. His parents greatly profited from this, and so did he to an extent, but it just made him feel like a specimen instead of a living person.

 And seeing two people unite in the soulmate tradition only made him break down more. It wasn’t fair… it wasn’t fair…

 Remy did his best trying to distract him and take his mind away from it, wiping his tears and hugging him around his neck, where he could feel the comfort of it. After the whole meltdown finally was over, Remy suggested going to a food attraction place for lunch, and Virgil reluctantly agreed, eyes bloodshot from all his crying.

 Afternoon Benedict was a place he had never gone before, but since Remy said he knew people who worked there, he didn’t feel as anxious going. Plus, some afternoon breakfast didn’t sound half bad.

 He was wheeled in and saw a very friendly person up front with a pink apron on, saying “free hugs!” on it. He greeted them warmly, bright blue eyes, blondish-brown hair, milky white baby skin, with so many freckles dancing across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose, his face looked like a sprinkled birthday cake. Virgil had to resist the smile that was tugging at his lips.

 “Hi! Where would you like to be seated?” His voice was so sugary sweet, the emo could feel his teeth rotting.

 “Anyplace with chairs that pull out. He can’t leave this one.” Remy gestured to his friend.

 Internal sigh.

 “Okay! Coming right up!” He dashed away and got a nice table ready before beckoning them over.

 Virgil got wheeled over and situated. “Now, what can I get for you two?” His honey-dripped voice asked them.

 “I guess… some scrambled eggs with toast? And apple juice with a long straw if you can manage?” Virgil kept the quiver of anxiety out of his voice well enough.

 “I’ll have my usual, bud.” Remy winked at the friendly employee.

 “Okay! It’ll be out soon!” He danced away to Virgil’s humor.

 Now came the part he dreaded about eating out. Remy took a couple bites of his food when it arrived, then started feeding Virgil. The coffee lover had quickly learned not to tease Virgil about having to be fed like an infant, as he’d either get a bite on his finger, or he’d have to help him calm from another meltdown.

 Virgil was thankful that no odd glares had been sent his way yet. Maybe Remy had set this whole thing up so he didn’t have to worry about anybody judging. No matter how tough the sunglass-wearing nerd acted, Virgil knew he had a soft side. A love for kittens, an admiration for children pop star singers, a small addiction to baby sugar sticks… he knew it was there.

 As the cooks were preparing the meal, the cheerful waiter was told to take his last 10-minute break. He skipped to the back and checked his phone excitedly. He was a little saddened that MCR10150 hadn’t responded to him yet, but he kept his hopes high and ate a quick snack while listening to music.

 Even if he couldn’t taste anything, the happy music made the food go down better, like a spoon full of sugar.

 Virgil was just about full when the bubbly waiter came over again. “Are you two ready for the bill? Or would you like to see our dessert menu?” He looked over at Virgil, who was being fed another forkful of scrambled eggs.

 “Luckyyy!” He squealed.

 The emo nearly spit his food out at that, but managed to swallow it.

 “Excuse me?”

 “I’d kill to be in your seat! Being fed without a worry in the word! You must feel like royalty! Nonono-wait!” He suddenly bowed. “My highness.”

 Virgil couldn’t help it. He bursted out laughing. Just the sheer ridiculousness and confusion-not to mention the irony- of the whole situation made him utterly crack up.

 Remy sighed with relief. He knew Patton could be overbearing at times. Yesterday, when he had told the staff and usual visitors about Virgil and how to act around him when he brought him in, Patton wasn’t there, but he was glad Virgil wasn’t offended or distraught over his behavior. It was hard to predict that kid.

 “Well… he doesn’t have much of a choice.” He explained after Virgil started to calm from his laughter. “He can’t feel any of his body other than his head and neck.”

 “Oh! I’m so sorr-“

 “No! Please don’t pity me…” Virgil growled out, interrupting the poor employee.

 Patton gave a quiet whimper, his smile becoming forced. “S-so, will that be bill or dessert?”

 Virgil felt bad now. Even though he hardly knew this living cartoon, seeing his bright cute face darken with sadness made him feel even more dead inside.

 God dammit, he thought to himself.

 “Virgil? It’s up to you.” Remy murmured. He tried to give Virgil a choice whenever he had the chance. He was indifferent to having dessert or not, but he wanted Virgil to feel like he was in control, even if it was for little things.

 “What kind of dessert menu comes out of a breakfast place?”

 To be continued…

  @cefsticklestoo @thestarswelcomemewithopenarms @my-anxiety-hasanxiety

@poptartsaysurloved @leedrop-angel @lavenders-loveforthings @ I’m sorry I forgot everyone else. O.o

[iamtrebleclefstories]

The Little Bit of Hope I Cling To - Part 4

Izzie goes to Grey Sloan in hopes of seeing Bailey, Meredith, or Alex. She meets Dr. Karev instead. 

the end of the road

Part 4

——————

The months following were smooth sailing, until they weren’t. Jo was about seven months in her pregnancy when it seemed like everything had gone to shit. Izzie got sick again and was back in a hospital bed undergoing multiple treatments and would be undergoing a resection for new mets that appeared along her small intestine.

Everything had been going so well. Izzie had been hired by Alex as a full time neurosurgeon at Grey Sloan, Geo was thriving in his school and enjoying have “cousins” to play with, even Piper—the damn dog—was happy.

That’s why Jo was so pissed. For months, she’d been working tirelessly on her fellowship research to find a breakthrough that could maybe save Izzie’s life and stop the spread of her cancer. Finding out that the cancer was back was like a punch in the gut for all the time Jo had spent trying to come up with a solution. It was made increasingly difficult by the fact that Jo had become friends of sorts with her husband’s ex-wife. They had forged a friendship from the most unexpected of circumstances and it was one that Jo was grateful for.

Jo’s impending motherhood didn’t help the situation either. She knew that she’d be going on maternity leave in a few months, but what would that mean for Izzie? Jo couldn’t just stop now. Not when Izzie needed her the most.

She’d been sitting in the attending’s lounge with her head in her hands when she heard someone shuffle through the door.

“Hey.”

Jo looked up to find Link standing in the doorway. She gave him a small smile, “Hey.”

“You okay?”

“Nope,” Jo laughed dryly. “I’m stressed and tired and my feet hurt and I just need to figure out this medical breakthrough so that a woman that I’ve grown to care about doesn’t die.”

“So... just another Thursday, right?” Link quipped sarcastically. He sat down next to Jo and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Look, I know you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, but it’s not all on just you. Whether you figure it out or not, it doesn’t make you any less of a good doctor. It doesn’t mean that you didn’t try your hardest. You are going to run yourself to the ground if you keep going at the rate you’re going, and I know that can’t be good for the baby.”

Jo let a tear slide down her cheek, “I know... I just wish there was something more I could do. I’m running out of options. She’s my patient and it’s my job to help her, but she’s also become the most unlikely friend. I just... I don’t want her to die.”

“No one wants her to die. But if she does, it won’t be your fault. It won’t be because you didn’t try hard enough. It’ll be because she had cancer and try as we might, sometimes the cancer wins. Regardless of who wins, you have given her time. Time she wouldn’t have had if she never would came to this hospital looking for old friends and instead stumbling upon you. She gets time and a chance to fight because of you. Don’t forget that,” Link pulled Jo in for a sideways hug. “Now, dry up those tears and go to her room and tell her what’s next in your plan to try to save her life.”

Jo chuckled softly, “Thank you.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” Link shrugged. “Seriously though, you’re gonna wanna wipe your face. You’ve got some mascara running down your face.”

“Shut up,” Jo rolled her eyes and stood to look in the mirror. Yikes. She did look pretty wrecked. She grabbed a tissue from the box on the coffee table and began to blot her face.

Satisfied with her appearance, Jo said goodbye to Link and made her way down to Izzie’s hospital room. As she approached, she saw Alex with Geo on his lap and Meredith talking to Izzie as she knitted a scarf. Smiling, Jo knocked on the door as she walked in, “Hey. I see you have some company.”

“Jo! We were just talking about you—oh my goodness... your belly looks absolutely precious today,” Izzie beamed brightly.

“Thank you,” Jo nodded gratefully and looked over at Alex who was staring at her with love in his eyes.

“Oh! You see, that’s the look. The one we were talking about,” Meredith pointed at Alex.

“What look?” Jo scrunched her face.

“The lovey-dovey look Alex gets on his face anytime you walk into the room. It’s like he worships the ground you walk on,” Izzie teased, a wide grin on her face.

“Yup,” Meredith nodded. “The look of complete and utter adoration.”

Geo looked in between Jo and Alex briefly before agreeing, “Uncle Alex looks at you like you’re the most pwetty thing ever to exist!”

“That’s because she is,” Alex ruffled Geo’s hair, causing the young boy to erupt into a fit of giggles. He looked up at Jo again, “How are you feeling?”

“Good... a bit tired and Link may have just witnessed me have a hormonal break down in the lounge, but mostly good,” Jo ran a hand over her swollen stomach. “Baby is kicking a lot today.”

“Can I feel?” Geo asked excitedly, jumping up from his spot on Alex’s lap. “Pwetty please?”

“Sure,” Jo smiled at the boy and guided his little hand up to where the baby’s feet were. “You feel that thump? That’s the baby.”

“Woah,” Geo’s eyes widened in wonder. “This is so cool!”

“It is pretty cool isn’t it?” Jo winked at him. “What’s even cooler is that in a couple months, the baby will be here and we’ll get to hold and cuddle him or her all day long.”

“I can’t wait to have a baby cousin,” Geo looked over at Izzie. “It’s something happy and we need all the happy so mommy can get better.”

“You are so right, Geo. A big part of your mommy’s recovery is going to depend on her being very strong. Happiness gives us something to hope for and it makes us oh so very strong,” Jo replied.

The three other adults watched the scene unfold with smiles on their faces. Izzie turned to Jo, “You are going to be a wonderful mother. I can tell.”

“Thank you,” Jo reached over and squeezed one of Izzie’s hands. “I wanted to come in and tell you that I’m actively making plans for what to do next. Right now, surgery is still our best option, but I’m doing everything in my power to figure out something else. Until then, you’ll continue with the IL-2 treatments to shrinks those mets down as much as possible. I want to do the resection in a week from today.”

“Sounds good,” Izzie nodded. “Enough about me, someone tell me something happy or funny to help me distract myself from the fact that I’m stuck here while everyone else is performing surgery. Ooh! Like have you guys figured out a name yet?”

“Not yet,” Alex shook his head. “We haven’t really had a chance to sit down and talk about names. Hell, we don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl.”

That was true. Originally, Jo and Alex were going to find out the sex of the baby, but at the last minute chose to wait and be surprised. It was exciting and made it even more fun when people tried to place their bets on the sex of the baby.

“You better hope for your sake it’s a boy, because if you have a little girl who looks like Jo, that’s it. You’re a goner,” Meredith smirked

“Oh I can see it now,” Izzie laughed. “Alex freaking out because she’s going out on date when she sixteen.”

Alex scowled, “Shut up. We’re no where close to that so we’re not even going to think about it.”

“You see? He’s going to have a complete meltdown if that baby is a girl,” Meredith pointed at Jo’s bump. “What do you think it is Jo?”

“Honestly, I haves to clue. It’s changes every day. Today I’m feeling boy, but I’m a couple hours from now I might think it’s a girl.”

“Well, if you guys decide to go with the theme of naming your babies after a loved one, just remember that no one has named a baby after me yet,” Meredith grinned slyly.

“Shut up,” Alex threw a paper cup in Meredith’s direction, causing the three women to laugh.

***

“Helen, I swear I’m fine,” Jo insisted as she walked into the hospital, her mother in law trailing behind her.

“No you are not,” Helen frowned. “I know that I’m not entirely mentally stable, but Jo, I gave birth to three children. I know what labor looks like. You are having contractions.”

“They’re Braxton Hicks,” Jo tried to explain. “Besides, I am only thirty five weeks. I have a whole month before the baby is supposed to be born. I haven’t even gone on maternity leave yet.”

“Now I see why Alex called me,” Helen muttered under her breath. “Okay, fine. Maybe you aren’t in labor but you need to slow down.”

“Trust me, Helen, I would love to, but I can’t. I have patients to take care of and my research. I can’t afford to stop now. Not when I’m on the brink of something that could save many lives. Not when Izzie Stevens is finally getting discharged again today,” Jo said as Helen followed her into the attendings lounge.

Truthfully, Jo was in pain. She’d been having contractions ever since four in the morning, but did her best to ignore it. She was tough. She could handle a little pain and discomfort. It wasn’t time yet.

“Wait, is this the ex-wife Izzie Stevens?” Helen made a face at the information, while Jo changed into her scrubs. “Alex mentioned that his ex-wife was here getting treatment. You’re her doctor?”

“Yes,” Jo nodded as she pulled on the scrub top and fluffed her hair out.

“You are a saint,” Helen shook her head.

“She’s really not that bad,” Jo turned to Helen. “I’m going to round on her right now if you want to join me.”

“Might as well,” Helen shrugged. “I promised Alex I’d stay with you today.”

“Alex needs to calm down. Worrying like that is just going to give him more gray hair than what he already has. I am fine. The baby is fine,” Jo walked out the lounge and into the hallway in the direction of Izzie’s room.

Just as they were about to walk into Izzie’s room, Jo was hit by a powerful contraction. She took a deep breath and grabbed onto the doorway, exhaling in pain. She shook her head and proceeded into the room.

“Hey Izzie,” Jo greeted and smiled when she saw Geo. “Hello to you, too Geo. Aren’t you supposed to be in school?”

“Yes he is, but mommy decided to let him skip because she’s leaving the hospital today,” Izzie grinned.

“That’s right! I checked all of your levels and your most recent scans, and I feel very good about discharging you today,” Jo shared the good news. She turned and motioned for Helen to walk in, ignoring another contraction. “Iz! This is Alex’s mom, Helen Karev.”

“Hi,” Helen gave Izzie a wary smile.

“Oh! Hi, Mrs. Karev, it’s so nice to meet you,” Izzie shook Helen’s hand. She looked over at Jo. “I didn’t know that he introduced you to his mom.”

“Yeah, we met just a couple weeks before the wedding. Went out to Iowa to visit,” Jo recounted. “Alex called her and flew her out here to be the pregnancy police.”

“He did not ask me to be the pregnancy police,” Helen rolled her eyes. He’d mentioned that your due date was approaching soon and I told him that I wanted to be here to see you before you gave birth, so he came to Iowa and flew out here with me. He said he’d do the same once the baby was born. But it looks to me like he won’t have to make the second trip because you are having contractions every three minutes.”

Jo’s eyes widened as she realized that her mother-in-law had been measuring the time between her contractions, “They’re three minutes apart? They’re coming steady?”

“Yes, honey. Like I said ever since we left the house, you are in labor,” Helen reiterated and placed a hand on Jo’s shoulder. “You need to cancel the rest of your day.”

“No, no, no. I am not having this baby right now,” Jo shook her head stubbornly. “It’s two early. He or she has still got to cook for five more weeks. Their lungs still need a few more weeks to develop, they don’t have enough body fat to regulate temperature yet, and they won’t be strong enough to breastfeed. So, this baby is staying inside.”

“Um... Jo,” Izzie called out. “You’re bleeding.”

“I’m what?” Jo looked down to see a dark streak running down the leg of her scrub pants. She clutched her stomach in pain again. “Oh, crap. Call Alex and Meredith.”

“Geo, run to the nurses station and tell them that we need a wheel chair for Dr. Jo and that they need to page Uncle Alex right away. It’s an emergency,” Izzie instructed her son, who nodded and ran out into the hall. She carefully stood up from her bed and walked over to where Jo was leaning against the wall. “Okay, you’re going to be fine. Jo, how about you let me feel your belly?”

Izzie felt around for a minute before scrunching her eyes in concern, “Alright, keep in mind that I am a neurosurgeon and I’m not exactly sure that this is what’s going on, but I think your placenta ruptured. There shouldn’t be this much blood.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Helen asked worriedly.

“Just hold her up while I find Geo with the wheelchair,” Izzie rushed out of the room and found her son walking next to a nurse strolling a wheelchair. “Did you page Alex Karev?”

“Yes,” the nurse nodded.

“Okay, you also need to page OB and Meredith Grey. I think Jo’s experiencing placental abruption and she may need to undergo a crash C-section.”

“I’m on it.”

***

The following minutes were a frenzy of activity as Alex—who’d been elbow deep in a kid’s body cavity—was notified of his wife going into preterm labor. He got tagged out by Bailey and ran out to find Meredith standing outside the OR board, trying to figure out which OR they’d taken Jo to.

When they got to OR 2, both Meredith and Alex were happy to find that Jo was not alone. Standing there holding her hand was Izzie, who was muttering soothing words to her, “Everything is going great so far. You are doing good, the baby is okay, and Alex is on his way.”

“I’m here!” Alex announced as he came up beside Jo and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Hey, I’m here.”

“Oh thank God,” Jo breathed out a sigh of relief. “This wasn’t the plan. God, Alex this wasn’t the plan.”

“When the hell have our lives ever gone to plan?” Alex chuckled light. “It’s okay, because we caught in time and in a few minutes we’re going to have a beautiful baby.”

“Where’s Meredith?” Jo called out.

“I’m right here Jo,” Meredith walked up to where Izzie had been sitting my Jo’s head. “We got this, thank you.”

“Oh. Yeah... no problem,” suddenly, Izzie felt very out of place. For the first time in the months since she’d returned to Seattle, she felt like an outsider looking in. “Okay. I’m going to go sit with your mom, Alex. Keep her some company.”

“Thank you.”

***

A little over an hour had passed when Meredith finally came out to the waiting room on the Labor & Delivery floor. She wore a bright smile on her face, “Mom and baby are just fine. There was some bleeding but we got that under control and Alex stood over the peds fellow’s shoulder making sure that the baby was fine.”

“Oh thank God,” Izzie let out a sigh of relief. “They’re both okay?”

“Yes,” Meredith nodded. “The baby’s lungs are fully developed. She might have to stay in an incubator a couple nights to regulate her body temperature, but she’s healthy.”

“Did you say she?” Helen asked.

“I did. It’s a girl.”

Izzie laughed, “Oh my God. I knew it! Please tell me she looks exactly like Jo.”

“She’s a carbon copy,” Meredith joined Izzie’s laughter. “I would’ve thought Jo’s cloned herself if it weren’t for obvious mop of hair on her head that definitely came from Alex.”

“Can we go see them?” Geo pulled on Meredith’s scrubs. “Pleaseeeeee!”

“Yes, you can go see them. That’s why I came out to get you,” Meredith extended her hand out to the little boy. “Come on, follow me.”

They walked down the halls of L&D until they finally found themselves outside a room. Somewhere along the way, Amelia, Link, and Bailey had joined them. Meredith knocked on the door before walking in, “I brought some visitors.”

Jo and Alex looked up from the tiny pink bundle in their arms to see their friends—their family walk into the room. Alex grinned widely as he held his daughter in his arms and stood up to greet everyone. He was jittering with excitement, “Dude, I’m a dad!”

The room erupted into laughter. Amelia chuckled, “Yeah we know.”

There was a shuffling by the doorway as someone pushed their way through, “I’m here! I was in surgery. Did I miss it?”

Maggie burst through the door eyes wide, struggling to catch her breath, “Oh my God. It’s a girl!”

“Yes, it’s a girl,” Jo sighed dreamily, very clearly in love with the child in her husband’s arms.

“She’s absolutely beautiful,” Helen fawned over the small child. “I have a granddaughter!”

“Well? Are you going to tell us her name?” Bailey asked expectantly.

Alex and Jo exchanged a look before answering simultaneously, “Taylor Joy Karev.”

“TJ for short,” Jo added.

Izzie watched as everyone—her son included—took their turns meeting and holding the precious little newborn. It was a sweet moment, one that she thought she’d never get to see. It was... odd, seeing her ex-husband and his wife welcome their child into the world. It was odd being a part of the process. It was odd that they let her in after the history between her and Alex.

Jo must’ve noticed Izzie’s detached expression because soon, Izzie was being pulled out of her reverie by Jo’s concerned voice, “Izzie, are you okay?”

“I should be the one asking you that,” Izzie winked. “You scared me a little there. But of course Taylor had to have a dramatic entrance into the world, she’s a Karev after all. Already like her father in that way.”

“She’s been in this world for two hours and she already has him wrapped around her little finger,” Jo mused quietly, looking at her husband helping the Geo and the other kids—who’d been brought over from school—hold their newest cousin. “I don’t blame him, though... I didn’t think I could love anyone this much. I didn’t think I’d ever love anyone more than I love Alex, but this little girl... she’s everything. Absolutely everything.”

“I know exactly how you feel,” Izzie sat down on the edge of Jo’s bed. “When I saw Geo for the first time, my heart cracked wide open. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t given birth to him. I knew he was mine and I was his. Not a day goes by where I’m not grateful for every second I get to spend with him. Especially, since my cancer returned.”

Izzie paused and thought carefully about her next words, “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. I wouldn’t alive right now. But I also, wouldn’t be here in this room, surrounded by friends watching my ex-husband hold his newborn daughter if it weren’t for you. You have helped me mend broken relationships and have given me a community again. And that’s all because of you. God knows they wouldn’t be as welcoming to me if it weren’t for your genuine care and compassion. So thank you, for giving me life back.”

About halfway through Izzie’s short speech, Jo felt a couple tears slip her eyes. She tried to wave it off as the hormones, “You’re welcome. Thank you for staying with me until TJ was born.”

“It was my pleasure and honor,” Izzie squeezed Jo’s hand lightly, marveling at the shift in roles. For the first time, Jo was in the hospital bed and Izzie was standing about it. “It’s weird seeing you in a hospital gown instead for scrubs.”

“It’s weird being in a hospital gown,” Jo answered. She observed Izzie for a minute. “Are you okay? You got discharged today and instead ended up getting me to an OR in time so that I didn’t lose too much blood.”

“I’m good. Honestly, I feel really good,” Izzie assured. “I know I’m not better yet and I know that I’ve still got to fight, but things like these... things like these remind me that I have so much to fight for. I want this. I want to be here and watch TJ grow. I want to see Zola, Bailey, and Ellis grow. I want to see my son grow and I want to have another kid. I want to marry someone that looks at me the way Alex looks at you, or Ben Warren looks at Bailey. So as long as I have left, I’m gonna keep fighting for those things.”

Alex—who’d heard the tail end of the conversation between the two women—walked up with baby Taylor resting comfortably in his embrace, “And we’re going to help you do that.”

Jo nodded in confirmation, “Anything you need, we’re here.”

“Thanks,” Izzie smiled and finally turned her attention to the small child. “Okay, it’s Auntie Izzie’s turn to hold this little one. Everyone else got a turn except for me.”

Alex handed the baby over and Izzie grinned widely when she finally got a good look at the little girl, “Oh, Alex. You are in so much trouble.”

“Why?” Alex scrunched his face in question.

“Because she’s gorgeous and looks exactly like her mother. And with the parents she has—ha, I cannot wait to see what kind of trouble she gets herself into,” Izzie laughed. “Let’s just pray she doesn’t take after you and your... wild side.”

“Oh God, no. Nope,” Alex shook his head. “She’s not allowed to even look at a boy until she’s thirty.”

“Okay,” Jo snorted in amusement. “You’re just terrified because now you finally realized that you ten years ago, was every father’s worst nightmare.”

“God, I’m gonna pay for that, aren’t I? This right here, this little girl is karma for all of the terrible things I did throughout the years,” Alex’s eyes were wide in terror.

“Yup,” Izzie hummed and cradled the little one closer. “I’m happy for you guys. Truly.”

“Thank you,” Alex’s face curved up into a crooked smile. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“You’re going to stick around right? You’re not leaving Seattle or anything?” Jo asked.

“I’m sticking around,” Izzie took a deep breath. “Years ago, I told Mer that this was just a place I worked, but I was wrong. This is home. This is family."

***

Five Years Later

“TJ! Get your butt in here right now!” Jo yelled as she tripped on a pile of toys in the living room. She waited until she heard the pitter-patter of feet signaling her daughter’s appearance. “What have I said about leaving these on the floor. Someone can get hurt.”

“Sorry mommy!” TJ’s little eyes widened in apology.

“It’s okay baby, just pick them up when we get home later. Right now we have to go. We’re going to be late,” Jo reached out her hand and led her daughter out the house.

When they reached the car, she saw Alex fiddling around in the backseat. Jo smirked, “Having some trouble there?”

“I can’t get this stupid seat belt over her dress,” Alex grumbled. “Was this really necessary?”

“You know how Izzie is. Everything has to be perfect. Here let me do it,” Jo chuckled as she pushed Alex aside to look at the three year old girl that Alex was struggling to strap in. “Hi, Bella Mae. You look so beautiful. Mommy is going to help you get all strapped in because Daddy is having some issues.”

“Daddy habbin’ issues,” Bella giggled quietly. “I wike my dwess.”

“I like your dress too,” Jo complimented the little girl. Jo smoothed down her daughter’s dress as she buckled her into the car seat. Bella was her goofy, energetic kid. Rather than being a carbon copy of her mother like Taylor was, Bella took after the Karev side. Alex constantly talked about how Bella reminded him of his sister, Amber when she was a little girl. Bella and Alex had the same big brownish-greenish eyes and crooked grins. “Alright, Bells. You are all set.”

“Tank you, mommy!”

“You’re welcome,” Jo kissed the little girl’s forehead.

Finally, Jo turned over to the little man that was sitting in between his two sisters. Wyatt Alexander Karev was a cubby two year old that was the perfect blend of both Jo and Alex. It was hard to determine where features of one parent ended and the other began.

Wyatt gave Jo a cheesy smile, “Mama!”

“Hi munchkin! You look so handsome,” Jo ruffled his little curls.

“Tanks mama!”

“You ready?” Alex asked as he rounded the car.

“Yeah. Let’s go,” Jo nodded and thanked Alex as he opened the door for her and helped her inside the car.

When they arrived to the venue, Alex and Jo hurried to take the kids out of the car and walk in the direction they had been told. Standing outside the room, Jo knocked on the door.

“Come in!”

The family of five walked in to see Izzie standing in an ivory gown with a giant smile on her face, “Oh thank God you’re here. I was worried you’d be late.”

“I can’t be late, I’m the maid of honor,” Jo pulled Izzie into a hug. “You look amazing. Decker isn’t going to know what hit him when he sees you.”

“Jo’s right. You look hot, Iz,” Alex grinned widely. “You’ve still got it.”

Izzie rolled her eyes, “Thank you.” She let out a shaky breath. “I’m kind of nervous.”

“Do you want to make a run for it?” Alex asked. “I’ll tell Mer to gear up the getaway car. We’ll leave the kids with Maggie and Amelia and the the four of us will be out of here before anyone notices.”

“No I don’t want to make a run for it. Can’t a girl be nervous? Weren’t you nervous to get married?” Izzie made a face.

“Nope,” Alex shook his head.

“Seriously? You didn’t get nervous? Not even when you married me?” Izzie’s face was painted with disbelief.

“When I married you, it was so last minute, I didn’t have time to be nervous. And when I married Jo, I’d never been more sure of anything in my life. Also, our wedding day was a mess and we had sex in a shed next to corpse and practically missed the entire thing,” Alex answered simply.

“Fair enough.”

“Just take a deep breath. You’ll be fine,” Jo placed a comforting hand on Izzie’s shoulder. “You two love each other and Decker adores Geo and Gabe.”

“Speak of the little devils,” Izzie chuckled as her sons barged into the bridal suite.

Geo had grown a lot in the past five years. At eleven years old, the boy was almost as tall as Izzie. His brown hair darkened a bit and started to curl slightly. He looked more and more grown up everyday.

Gabe had been adopted about four years ago at the age of three. Like Zola, Gabe had come to Grey Sloan for a surgical procedure as a toddler through the African exchange program that Alex had spearheaded. Gabe had needed surgery for a cardiac defect that Maggie had operated on. When Izzie heard that one of the little boys from the program was an orphan, she went to go meet him for herself and fell in love. The now seven year old was a boundless spring of energy that brought so much light and laughter into their lives.

“Mom!” The two boys gasped when they saw their mom standing in her dress. “You look so pretty!”

“She does, doesn’t she?” Jo smiled. “It’s almost time to start so you guys need to go find Decker and get ready, okay?”

The young boys gave their mom a hug and another compliment before making their way out the room. With a couple minutes left before the ceremony started, Izzie took another deep breath.

Meredith walked into the suite, “Okay. Our flower girls, Ellis, TJ, and Bella are ready. The ring bearers are with Decker and the groomsmen. The guests are all here. The priest is just waiting on you.”

“Let’s get you married,” Jo grinned excitedly and followed Meredith as she led the flower girls to the aisle.

Finally, it was just Izzie and Alex left, waiting outside the double doors for their turn to enter. Izzie bit her lip nervously, “Are you sure this isn’t weird? You walking me down the aisle? I mean you’ve seen me naked.”

“You know how many people I’ve seen naked?” Alex huffed a laugh. He extended his arm for Izzie to take. “No. It’s not weird. The past few years have been some of the best of my life. And not just because I married Jo and had three kids. Having you back has been great. You’ve become family. I’m so excited for you to get married and I feel honored that I get to be the one who walks you down the aisle. So, just shut up and start walking before I have to kick you down the aisle.”

And with that, Izzie realized that it had finally come full circle. Five years ago, she’d returned to Seattle with very little hope to cling to. Today, she had a family, a support system that was celebrating her as she finally got her happy ending. It might seem strange or unconventional to others, but she wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

The end.

——————————————————————————

Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed the final part of this series. I loved writing this story. I'll confess, Izzie Stevens has never been one of my favorite characters, but writing this redemption arc and beautiful ending for her character, while preserving jolex is something that I wish we would've seen in canon. Let me know what you thought of this and don't hesitate to follow me on Tumblr @iamtrebleclefstories for more content!

[digressfromreality]

The Fall of Baby Might

Lana Yagi had been famous from the moment it was revealed who her father was, All Might, Japan’s number one hero. But had that revelation been worth it: the media scrutiny, the burden of legacy, the crippling seeds of doubt? Did Lana crumple under the pressure?

Izuku x Lana x Tomura

Part 5/Part 7

Part 6. But what's the difference between broken love and prison? (Scumbag by Goody Grace ft. Blink-182)

“Let me go!” She spared no effort trying to free herself from his grip.

Izuku panicked, pulling Lana immediately out of the crowd by force. One-for-all helped with the quick escape, while his poor sidekicks and receptionist were left behind to fight off the press without him. Lana on the other hand was having a full-blown meltdown in his arms as he tried to take her to his office fast and without hurting her.

“Let me go now! I will scream!” Lana was losing her mind, trapped in his arms. How dare he hold her hostage like she was a criminal?!

“Just one second, I promise— Izuku paused, momentarily stunned by the mean left hook. He gripped her tighter by reflex, not wanting to drop her by mistake.

“FUCKING LET GO OF ME!” Struggling again, Izuku regained his composure and closed the door to his office without another word. Lana pushed abruptly from him, seething at him, while Izuku let her. He began to murmur trying to gauge the best outcome for the situation.

Normally, he wouldn’t take victim’s belligerence personally, but he was uncertain how to approach what just happen. Her punch hurt.

Facts:

Reporters were hounding Lana, who for whatever reason was at his agency rather than relaxing at home.

Lana felt threaten enough to try to impulsively lash out.

She even had attacked him as he tried to diffuse the situation by removing her from it.

Assumptions:

Lana probably showed up when he had not contacted her all day.

Reporters appeared to be crowding his agency lobby long before she showed up.

Something set Lana off, to react physically like that, which is not okay, but how does one handle someone with trauma?

He approached Lana slowly, as she sidestepped him in anger. He put his hands up, “It’s okay, really it’s okay.”

“How is any of this okay, Izuku? Explain to me why you did that to me and think it was okay?” She sneered, clearly unsatisfied with his explanation.

He was lying to her. His eyes, his cautious pace, he didn’t trust her.

“Everyone has a dark side to them, I mean...ah, Ida, my friend Ida, he had to overcome a desire for vengeance. He almost did not make it, but his friends, us, we stepped in when he needed it. And I can do that for you too, I love you.” He smiled, gripping the hand that punched him, before stating those damned words, “I am here for you, always.”

She was the villain to him, and he was another hero lying to her. “It’s all a mistake, everything is a mistake.” It’s not supposed to be like this. Tomura can’t be right. He can’t. He can’t. He can’t.

“I want to be the mistake you can’t live without.” Izuku begged, threading his fingers through her own.

“I don’t think you get it, or maybe you feign ignorance Izuku –

“Honey please—

“You want to know how much I dread waking up every single day. More frequently than not, I go to bed with the notion that if I didn’t wake up, it would be alright. Shouldn’t I feel at peace lying next to you, shouldn’t that be enough? Why isn’t it?”

The pressure…the aches…the pains…The crippling anxiety barely holding it together.

“Things are hard right now, and I understand that. Please know, that I love you.” His lips were trembling, as if he was trying not to cry himself.

“Love,” she sputtered indignantly, “is cruel.” She gnawed her lip, trying to reel in the hostile feelings bubbling inside her. “How can one love someone who despises your existence? Made it their pet project to break you down, only to build you in their shadow?”

He tried to embrace her completely, only for her to snarl at him while countering his movements. Why did she think that he despised her? His face fell. What provoked... what is happening?

“How can someone who loves you, not see how miserable you are?” Her heart was exhausted. Why couldn’t he be honest? Did his love for her blind him?

Is his love truly sincere or woefully ignorant?

Reality hit her like brick to the face, pinched with tears, her hand holding her mouth shut in fear of what may come out of it. Would it be blood pouring out her new wounds, or would it be fangs guiding her to the truth?

He could have been perfect. She gagged, trying to hold back a sob, small gasps puffing through her clenched fingers.

Izuku had been so close to perfect, the ideal hero. He was selfless, caring, albeit naïve, but willing to adapt and learn. The public couldn’t have asked for a more fitting legacy of All Might. But he had a glaring flaw, one weak spot threatening to ruin him entirely.

Her.

She was the flaw.

Her face blanched, as a new round of tears broke through the dam. Why was she the common factor between the two of them? How dare she try to be family to All Might and Izuku? She tainted them!

All he could do was hold her and weather through the storm of her emotions. This time she did not push him away. “I promise, I am here.” His attempt at reassurance was received poorly. Those triggering words!

Frightened by his words and his arms encasing her, they no longer felt comforting. They felt like chains.

[ddproductionsw77]

I’ll Still Love You

Fandom: IT (Muschietti Films)

Pairing(s): Reddie (Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak)

Characters: Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough, (Mentioned) Stanley Uris, Mike Hanlon

Rating: T (Heavily implied sexual content but nothing is actually written about it… Swearing, obviously)

Description: He was going to fail out of college. He just was. Apparently, he peaked intellectually in high school because how else could one explain a valedictorian failing a History quiz? He’d never fucking failed anything in his life... well, in school and now he was going to flunk out of NYU, his dream school. (Eddie is having a hard time adjusting to college life)

Author’s Note: This was inspired by my own total meltdown when I very first started college a couple years back, down to the calling my mother crying multiple times a week HOWEVER, I did know how to do my own laundry ;) PS sorry it took so long, I am having trouble getting back into the habit of writing again so new stories are coming, they will just take awhile.

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Eddie walked numbly back across campus, feeling like he might drop into fetal position or burst into tears at any moment. A lump had formed in the back of his throat about an hour ago and no matter how many time he swallowed, he couldn’t get rid of it.

He was going to fail out of college. He just was. Apparently, he peaked intellectually in high school because how else could one explain a valedictorian failing a History quiz? He’d never fucking failed anything in his life... well, in school and now he was going to flunk out of NYU, his dream school.

Why did he even fucking need history? He was going to be a nurse! Not a fucking museum coordinator! It was entirely unfair!

Reaching his resident hall, Eddie made his way to the stairs, climbing to the third floor and starting down the long hallway toward the end. He was going to fail history and that would just be the start because obviously he had always only been high school smart not college smart and it was only going to get worse. Soon the grades in his other courses would start coming back too. Fail, fail, fail!

Reaching his dorm, Eddie choked out a sob he’d been holding back since leaving the fucking sciences building — history wasn’t a fucking science... was it? Well how would he know? He was fucking failing it — and used his key to unlock the door.

Darting his eyes over to the other side of the room, he found it mercifully empty. Dropping his backpack to the floor uncharacteristically messily, Eddie crept into his bed and curled up beneath the covers as tears burned his eyes.

He’d made a mistake.

His mother was right, he should have never left Derry. He might as well pack it all up now and go home. He eventually would have to soon enough anyway, wouldn’t he?

Letting out a mournful moan, he remembered that he’d fucked Richie over as well, hadn’t he? He’d practically fucking forced his boyfriend to follow him to New York and now he couldn’t crack it and Richie... Richie was doing a million times better than him. Richie had already fucking joined a damn band with Mike and was as far as Eddie knew, was at least passing his courses even though he skipped half the time. And Richie hadn’t even wanted to come to New York!

Richie had wanted Los Angeles and Eddie hadn’t and now it was becoming incredibly fucking clear that Eddie should have just let his boyfriend go because apparently there was nothing for him here in New York.

Gipping his comforter, Eddie putted it up over his head and thought for one fleeing moment that he should call his mother. His mother had told him something like this would happen. She’d said he needed her, that he couldn’t succeed on his own, that he was setting himself up to fail by leaving her. Everything she’d said was coming true, wasn’t it?

Peeking out from the covers, he spied the phone sitting on his desk. All he had to do was get up, walk over to it and dial and he knew Sonia Kaspbrak would be there to take him back home to Derry within three or four hours but…

Richie.

Richie was here now. Here because Eddie had made him come and Richie wouldn’t stay if Eddie left and maybe Eddie was apparently an idiot when it came to history, but even he knew that Richie shouldn’t leave New York. He was doing too well here. Flourishing here. Eddie couldn’t ask him to give all that up, not after he’d already spent his budget of selfishness allowed in a relationship on getting Richie to NYU in the first place.

The door to the dorm opened as Eddie was still staring at the phone. He glanced over to see Bill, who was his roommate for the year — if he didn’t flunk out that is — striding in. He paused, looking over at Eddie with his eyebrows scrunched together. He reached over and flicked on the light.

Bill sighed, coming in and hanging up his backpack, “I—is there a reason your j—just sitting in the dark alone?”

Eddie groaned, falling back on his bed to stare at the ceiling, fighting back the fresh wave of tears springing to his eyes, “I’m failing history.”

“Okay?” He heard Bill say slowly, questioning, “So?”

“So?!” Eddie cried, sitting up and gaping at Bill, “So, I peaked in high school. I’m going to flunk out and get sent home!”

Bill quickly looked away and Eddie thought he even saw the other boy trying to hold back a laugh. He squawked in disbelief, slamming his hand down on his mattress, crying out, “Bill! This isn’t fucking funny!”

Bill nodded, turning back to him with a schooled expression, “E—Eddie, it’s not even midterms yet. You have p—plenty of time to bring the grade up. Why are you even worried?”

“You know what,” Eddie snapped, glaring at his long time friend, “Fuck you, Bill, that’s why. Leave me the fuck alone.”

He flipped him the bird before falling back on his bed and rolling away from Bill so his back was to him.

After a minute, he heard his roommate muttered, “Didn’t even make f—fucking sense.” Quickly followed by footsteps and the door to the dorm opening. Bill paused for a moment, calling over his shoulder, “I—I’m goin’ across the hall, okay?”

Eddie didn’t answer, burying his face in his comforter as tears pooled in his eyes. The dorm door closed again.

He knew he shouldn’t have be short with Bill, it was himself he was mad at, not his friend. Still, maybe some part of him was angry with Bill, with all the rest of them, even Richie… especially Richie. Why was moving away from home and starting over so fucking easy for all of them? Eddie had spent the last two weeks since term started constantly on the verge of a panic attack and they all seemed fine. Happy even.

New York had been Eddie’s first, hadn’t it? It had been his dream. He had wanted it, worked through all of high school for it both in school and at a job afterwards. He’d fought so hard for valedictorian because valedictorians got full fucking rides and he’d known that was the only way he could really swing NYU. And he’d worked just in case.

And in two weeks he’d managed to fuck it all up. He didn’t even understand how.

He’d studied for that History quiz. Sure, he hadn’t cancelled plans to watch Richie and Mike’s band rehearse to study but he had still studied. He’d even felt good about the damn thing before turning it in… He wondered if his professor had laughed at his confidence later, grading his failure.

There was a loud, hammering knock on his door and he startled.

Sitting up groggily, Eddie glanced at the window and noticed the sky was going dark. He realized, blinking slowly, that he must have fallen asleep. Looking over his shoulder at the door, he called, “Bill, I told you to leave me alone!”

The knocking continued without pause and Eddie groaned, pushing the covers off of himself completely and going to the door, throwing it open, “What do you—“ He stopped short, finding his boyfriend leaning against the door jam, inches from his face with his fist still in the air from his insistent knocking. “…Want?”

Narrowing his eyes, Eddie sighed and crossed his arms over his chest, “Should’ve known. Only you would be so fucking annoying.”

“Aww, you just say the sweetest things to me, Eds,” Richie shook his head, dropping his hand over his heart before pushing off the door jam and passing Eddie into the room, pecking his temple as he did.

Eddie turned to him, glowering, “I didn’t invite you in.”

“I’m like a vampire,” Richie shrugged, throwing himself down on Eddie’s uncharacteristically messy bed, “You only gotta make the mistake once and I’ll just keep comin’ back.” Leaning back on his arms, he cocked his head at his boyfriend, “You didn’t meet me in the dining hall for dinner.”

“I was tired,” Eddie shrugged, still standing back as he rolled his neck, “And not that hungry.”

Richie nodded, “And then when I went back to my dorm, Stanley had written a B in the corner of the whiteboard on our door.”

Eddie stared at him blankly, “What the fuck does that mean?”

Richie smirked, playfully raising his eyebrows suggestively, “It’s our code. When we got someone in the dorm and the other isn’t supposed to interrupt, we write B or E. Well, He writes B for Billiam and I write E for my Eddie Spaghetti.”

Eddie shook his head, “Well, I guess it’s classier than a fucking sock on the door.”

“That’s almost exactly what Stan said when I suggested we just do that,” Richie laughed and sat up, “My point is that if Bill’s in my room and you skipped dinner, that means you’re just sitting in here all alone. I came to keep you company.”

“Ever consider I just want to be left alone?” Eddie grumbled, going to sit at his desk.

Richie watched him, cocking an eyebrow, “Please, like your day doesn’t brighten every fucking time you see me, Eds.”

“Don’t call me that!” Eddie snapped and spun around in his chair to glare at his boyfriend, “And if I wanted to see you, I’d have met you at the dining hall.”

“Ouch…” Richie muttered, dropping his smirk, “Okay? Why are you pissed at me?”

“I’m not!” Eddie shook his head angrily and turned around again so his back was to his boyfriend, “I just— I told you, I wanted to be alone.”

“Okay but alone doesn’t usually count me, too,” He heard Richie argue and the sound of his mattress springs shifting as Richie stood up. He felt his shoulders slump and put his head down, pinching the bridge of his nose before whirling around.

“Rich! Wait!” He called out, dropping his hand.

Richie turned around and gave him a look. Eddie knew he didn’t like being sent away which was one of the reasons Eddie very rarely did, at least not for real. He got mad sometimes and he told Richie to fuck off sometimes but he never meant it… Usually he was just upset with himself, like now.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie sighed, shaking his head and looking at his feet, “I’m not pissed at you. I’m not… I just had a really shitty day and— and I’m failing history.”

He felt tears prickle in his eyes again and swallowed hard, cringing at himself. He could almost hear Henry Bowers voice in his head, mocking him. Girly boy gonna cry? You gonna cry, girly boy? Well, don’t get your fairy dust on me, freak.

He felt a hand run down his arm and watched Richie’s familiar fingers tangle together with his. Following the arm back to it’s source, he gave his boyfriend an embarrassed, bashful look and sighed, “I’m failing, Richie.”

His boyfriend sighed and gripped his hand tighter, “Get over here, Eds.”

He pulled Eddie to his feet and lead him to the bed, where Eddie fell into Richie’s arms. He hurried his face in Richie’s chest and breathed in that scent of nicotine, mints, and maybe just a touch of cologne—not particularly good cologne but still instantly Eddie’s favorite. The weight in his chest seemed to lighten there with his boyfriend on his bed, like breathing in Richie’s scent was some kind of natural inhaler to him, opening his lung back up.

“You’re not failing, Eddie,” He felt as much as he heard Richie mumble into his hair, “One bad grade, does not a failure make. Trust me, I know a thing or two about failing. You’re going to make it up.”

“It’s not like I thought it would be,” Eddie admitted, happy to still be face-to-chest with Richie and not have to look into his eyes.

“What’s not?” “New York,” He sighed, “College. Living on my own. Any of it. I just— I thought I’d be good at it and I’m just not.”

Richie sighed and moved down to that he was looking into Eddie eyes, their noses nearly brushing. He could feel Eddie’s warm breath on his lips. Blinking slowly, he reached down and laced his fingers with Eddie’s again, bringing them up to lay between their chests. He watched Eddie’s eyes fall to them and smiled just a bit to himself, “What the fuck do you mean, Eds? You’re doing fine.”

“Richie, I’ve called my mother three times this week and it’s Tuesday,” Eddie shook his head and closed his eyes, “I’m failing history even though I’ve been studying like crazy, I haven’t talked to a single person beside the Losers since we moved here and I’m running out of clothes because I can’t fucking figure out how to use the damn washing machine. I fucking suck at this and it seems so easy for you and Bill and everyone else! I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing,” Richie instantly argued, gripping Eddie’s hand more tightly and startling his boyfriend’s eyes back open, “Nothing is wrong with you. You got this, baby,” Eddie’s heart skipped a beat as his eyes flickered back up to meet Richies, “And you don’t need your crazy ass mother to make this work, okay? Cuz the Losers are here and I’m here… And I can teach you how to do your laundry.”

There was a moment where they were both quiet before both breaking into laughter together. Eddie pulled his hand away from Richie, hooking it around his boyfriend’s neck and pulling him forward for a long, deep kiss. Locking his fingers in Richie’s hair, he pulled himself forward with the only thought on him mind being to get closer. He felt Richie’s teeth brush, teasingly, over his lip before biting ever so lightly.

Gasping, he twisted around to straddle his boyfriend and pulled back to look down at the beautiful, perfect mess of a person below him. Fuck, no one else was every going to make him feel like Richie did. No one else was ever going to make his heart race like him or drive him insane like him or challenge him everyday to keep trying like him.

This was love.

This was the stuff that people more talented than he was wrote songs and poems and books about and it was everything to him in that moment. If there was a world where he had to live and function without this, without Richie... that would be one dark, dark place.

Still out of breathe, pupils blown and heart pounding, Eddie gripped his boyfriend’s shirt and barely whispered, “I love you. I really, really do.”

Richie looked up at him with an expression Eddie couldn’t quite place but supposed it could be filed somewhere under utter devotion and nodded, “I love you, too…” His lips curled into a smirk, “Any chance we can have sex before we do the laundry thing, though?”

Eddie laughed, looking away and shaking his head before meeting his boyfriend’s eyes again, lacing their hands back together on their side of Richie’s head, “I think the laundry can wait… Not like it’ll take that long.”

“Damn, that was cold,” Richie gasped in mock pain, squeezing Eddie’s hand tight before flipping them over so that he was on top, “I’ll show you how long it can take.” _____________________________________________________________________

Two hours later, a freshly showered Eddie and Richie made their way into the muggy laundry room on the ground floor of their resident hall. Richie was carrying Eddie’s hamper and trailing along after his boyfriend, who was carrying the detergent and fabric softener. Scanning his eyes over him, Richie sighed, “Maybe we don’t need to wash your clothes, Eds. I’d be okay if you just wore those shorts for the rest of ever.”

“Beep beep, Trashmouth,” Eddie rolled his eyes, peeking over his shoulder at he set his stuff down and made sure the room was entirely empty out of habit, “Besides, there is literally no way you are still horny after the last few hours.”

Richie grinned, setting down the hamper to wrap his hands around Eddie waist from behind, “Baby, I’m eighteen and a guy; I’m always horny.”

Eddie elbowed him, “Get off me, Perv. We have shit to do.”

“Fine!” Richie exclaimed dramatically as he stepped away, rubbing his ribs where Eddie had gotten him. “So, we need quarters.”

“No shit, huh,” Eddie said in a deadpanned voice.

Richie’s eyebrows shot up, “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you wanted me to teach you how to be a grown ass man but—“

“I literally would never ask you to teach me that—“

“—If you’re all good in here, I’ll just head back to my dorm—”

“—I’m barely asking you to show me how to work these dumb machines—”

“—If it’s so dumb, then I’m sure you can figure it out—“

“—Stop being a dumbass, Richard—“

“—Richard?! Richard?! Fuck you, Edward!”

A buzzer sounded, startling both of them.

Sighing, Richie pulled a quarter from his pocket and flipped it to Eddie, who caught it. Glancing down at the coin, he gave him a begrudging smile, “Thanks, Richard.”

Richie rolled his eyes, a smile falling upon his lips as he moved forward to grab the hamper filled with clothes, “Okay, now pick a machine, Spaghetti Man.”

After they loaded the clothes, Richie fell into place behind Eddie with his hand on his hips as he murmured instructions in his ear. Eddie let him, half deciding it was probably all harmless anyway and half convincing himself that nobody else would be doing their laundry at 11 o’clock at night. Tangled up like that, Eddie put in the detergent and softener and set the machine to the right cycle.

Once the wash started up, he turned around to be nearly nose-to-nose with Richie, a pleased smile on his face, “I did it!”

“That you did, Eds, I told you that you didn’t need your hag of mom,” Richie grinned, leaning down to kiss his boyfriend.

Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck and kissed him back for a moment before pulling away and whispering, “Thank you… seriously.”

“It’s just part of the boyfriend job description, baby. All good."

“Still...” Eddie sighed, absentmindedly playing with Richie’s hair, “I’m still failing History.”

Richie rolled his eyes before ducking and kissing Eddie, hard and quick, effectively taking his breath away before pulling away, “Yeah, well, I’ll still love you if you have to retake dumbass History.”

“How noble of you,” Eddie’s lips twitched as he peered up into Richie’s eyes through his eyelashes. “Probably one of the things that make me like you so much... even though you’re fucking horny and annoying eighty perfect of the time.”

Ignoring him, Richie kissed him again, holding him against him.

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

oh oh, I feel like this could be a fun one: 22. the one where it’s impossible to lie to your soulmate. Perhaps Kiryu and Majima? However, any is fun, whatever you're in the mood for! :D

I’ve got two requests for 22, so you’re in luck, you’ll get to see this at least two ways XP (Btdubs, for anyone who doesn’t know, An Invitation to Dinner is updated. You should... you should maybe look at it if you like my writing or something.)

***I spent an EMBARRASSINGLY long time on this trying to decide how it should go. But I got there in the end! Apologies for the epic delay. 

22. the one where it’s impossible to lie to your soulmate 

“I saw that shit, Kiryu-chan.” 

Kiryu turned his head up from the punk he was beating into the dirt to find, who else, but Majima Goro striding down the alleyway. Kiryu’s snarl quickly relaxed with recognition.

“Majima-onii-san,” he inclined his head, “what’re you doing here?”

“Just enjoying myself watching ya beat on this piece of trash,” Majima answered promptly, then paused, his eyebrows contracting slightly. 

“You were watching?” Kiryu frowned, turning fully towards his superior. 

The gutter trash took the opportunity in the lapse of attention to scurry out of the way, muttering, “Nuh-uh, I seen this shit before.”

“Sure, I was, can never get enough of watching ya fight!” The answer was fast and easy and Majima’s grin was almost that. 

“Oh!” Kiryu shuffled a little, darting his eyes away. “Um, thank you? Was there uh something you wanted to say about it?” 

“Yes, actually! I wanted to tell ya-” Majima slapped a hand over his mouth and bent over, forcing a cough through his lips violently. He lowered his hand. “I wanted to tell ya that yer-” He squeezed his hand tight over his mouth again, almost puking with the force of his coughs this time. 

“Majima-onii-san? Are you alright? Should I get someone?” Kiryu reached out a hand, concerned. 

Majima straightened, panting. “No need, Kiryu-chan!” He smiled over at him, although Kiryu wasn’t quite reassured by it. “Let's try this again. How’re ya doing tonight?”

Kiryu shrugged. “A bit bored really, but now you’re here. You’re usually not boring.” Kiryu stopped. Why the fuck had he just said that? 

Majima’s eye widened. “Oh? Really? Ya think I’m interestin’?” His lips curled, stepping a little closer to Kiryu. 

“Interesting is one word for it,” Kiryu muttered in reply, backing up a step. 

Majima’s eye glittered. “Mmm, then tell me what you would say to describe me,” he murmured, stepping directly in front of Kiryu. 

Kiryu swallowed. “I’d rather not.” 

Majima tsked. “That won’t do. Now go on, how would you describe me, Kiryu-chan?”

Kiryu bit down, but the words burbled up his throat and spilled out like water from a well-oiled pump. “You’re crazy, but not the way everyone says you are. I can never get a read on you because sometimes you’ll act the way everyone expects you to act and sometimes you’ll be honest. You’re incredibly frustrating because I can’t rely on which version of you I’ll get at any given time,” he finished.

Majima’s jaw fell, stunned. “Well...” He blinked rapidly, “That uh wasn’t what I was expecting.” He stood back, rubbing his neck. “Damn.” 

Kiryu squirmed, feeling like all of his secrets were being laid bare. He hadn’t even said anything embarrassing really, it was just... true. Horrifyingly true. It felt weird, somehow, to be so brutally honest unprompted. “I didn’t... I didn’t mean to say that.” He frowned at the ground. 

Majima raised an eyebrow at him. “Haw?”

“That stuff, that... wasn’t what I meant to say.” 

“So you were lying?” Majima blinked at him. 

Kiryu shook his head, finally looking up at him. “No. All of that was true. I just... wouldn’t have told you.” 

Majima’s eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hair. “Oh...” There was only a second’s pause, then he shook himself, turning away briskly. “Well, I asked ya what ya thought, Kiryu-chan,” he turned back, grinning, “only natural that ya wouldn’t lie.” 

“Yeah, but-”

“Don’t worry, ya didn’t say nuthin that offended me,” Majima overrode him, smiling sweetly.

“Seemed like I did,” Kiryu muttered back, watching him. 

Majima waved his hand, shaking his head. “Never mind all that. What’cha doin with the rest of ya night?”

“I was going to stop any more street thugs I saw, maybe do a round of karaoke, then go to bed,” Kiryu listed like the words were written in front of him. The puzzling sensation of having the truth pulled out of him was still there. Kiryu shook himself, trying to feel more comfortable. 

“Karaoke!” Majima squealed, “That’s it, ya coming with me and we’re doing karaoke!” Majima grabbed his hand and pulled him down the alleyway. 

“You like karaoke?” Kiryu frowned, stumbling after him.

“Sure do! Karaoke’s gotten me through some rough times!” Majima explained with a pained smile. 

Kiryu’s eyes widened. “You wanna talk about it?”

“No! As a matter of fact, I would love to forget that shit ever happened to me, but I can’t!” Majima responded quickly, then broke away, turning to him with an expression of horror. 

Kiryu stopped, staring at Majima as people moved around them down the street. “Majima?”

“Could ya... not ask me about my past, please?” Majima said eventually, voice shaky. “Just... c’mon, let’s get drunk, let’s fight, that’ll be much more fun than this.” He reached for Kiryu, grabbing his arm and attempting to pull him along again. 

“I’m not sure that’s the best call,” Kiryu hesitated, resisting the arm tugging, “Shouldn’t we figure out what’s going on first?”

“I already know what’s going on!” Majima snapped, immediately regretting it, hiding his face in his hands. 

Kiryu just stood there awkwardly, watching Majima crumple a little. “C-Can you tell me?” he asked hopefully. 

Majima’s eye peeked out over his fingers, cringing. “Yes, but please don’t ask me to.” 

“Why not?”

Majima heaved a sigh and pulled his arms down. “Because... I can’t lie to ya.” His voice was resigned as he stared at the busy passers-by. 

Kiryu cocked his head. “I appreciate the honesty?”

“No, musclehead, I mean I literally cannot lie to ya,” Majima clarified, “And ya can’t either.” 

Kiryu blinked. “I’m confused, I can’t lie?” 

“Not to me,” Majima shook his head, “We’re just... we can’t lie to each other.” 

Kiryu frowned. “Are ya sure?”

Majima groaned, throwing his head back. “Would I be standing in the street having a meltdown if I wasn’t fucking sure?!”

Kiryu shrugged. 

“Yes, I’m fucking sure!” 

Kiryu retreated a little. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Well, what do we do?”

“I dunno. Avoid asking each other any questions we don’t want the answers to.” Majima folded his arms, starting to pout as he looked at the ground.

“Okay,” Kiryu nodded, watching Majima’s body language swing from depression to frustration, “You seem disappointed.”

“Too fucking right, I just wanted to have a fun night and instead I have ta avoid these deep personal truths every time I wanna talk to ya.” He sighed.

Kiryu grimaced in sympathy. “I didn’t know you just wanted to talk to me,” he mumbled, “Makes a nice change from trying to fight me.”

Majima snorted, looking up at him and smiling a little. “I still wanna fight ya, Kiryu-chan. Hardly anyone around here is up to my level and it’s nice to get a stretch of the legs every once in a while.” He winked. 

Kiryu looked away.

“But yer such a goober, I can’t help wanting ta just talk to ya sometimes too,” Majima sighed, looking the opposite way, “Shit… I’m fucked.” 

“Mmm, you sound better as we talk,” Kiryu considered, “Maybe we can keep talking? Maybe it won’t be so bad.” He smiled hopefully. 

Majima raised an eyebrow and stepped in next to Kiryu so they could walk down the street together. “Maybe. Why ya bein so nice t’me, Kiryu-chan?”

“You seem worth being nice to,” Kiryu responded and the truth wasn’t quite so awkward this time. 

Majima turned a little pink. “Well, fuck me, Kiryu-chan,” he muttered. 

Kiryu turned pink. “Th-That’s not a question, right?”

[littlemeowmeowschimmy]

Lesson [Namjoon x Reader]

credit:littlemeowmeowschimmy

Requests opened // m.list 

Genre: Smut // Mature content // Slight angst

Word Count: 4.3k

Summary: “Someone’s gotta teach you a lesson.”

A/N: It feels like forever since I wrote something for y’all. I thought I would come back with some Namjoon smut. I hope y’all love it :) 

»»————-　★　————-««

Everything had gone wrong. You didn’t know how it happened, but it just did. It felt like one evening you were cuddling with your boyfriend, and the next, you were yelling and crying. Having a complete meltdown witnessing his true colors. All this time, you were being warned. You should have seen the red flags, but they just weren’t popping up. Why? You were blinded by love, and love can and will make you do crazy things. 

Love is such a weird concept, to begin with. Your emotions are all tangled and wrapped around someone; therefore, you would expect someone to treat you and respect you the same way, right? No. Most people use love to their advantage and manipulate a person. Unfortunately, it’s what happened with your r relationship. 

This relationship started off as any normal one would. You found yourself interested in your partner, as they did you. The messages between you two were sweet and innocent. His name was Alex. He was just a couple years younger than you were, but age is but a number. From where you stood, Alex was a kind, hard-working man who had issues. 

At first, you chalked it up as just trust issues and nothing to be afraid of. But your friends saw something different. They started to notice how you were making excuses for Alex, especially Jimin. Your best friend of almost six years was beginning to see a change in your demeanor. 

He often advised you that it wasn’t smart to surround yourself with someone who would negatively take advantage of you. Of course, you got upset because you wanted him to approve of your boyfriend. Something was gnawing at your insides as not only did you want your best friend’s approval, you seemed to want everyone else's. 

Growing up, you weren’t the type of child to get the spotlight. Instead, you often got bullied for things that now don’t seem that huge. How you looked, talked, and what you often liked was put in the mixing pot. Your mental illnesses started to arise at such a young age, and you remember feeling lonely. 

Jimin was your friend through middle school and even into high school. He introduced you to his other friends, such as Taehyung and Jungkook, when they came along. You were living your life through his success as he explained to you the fantastic opportunity that arose. 

It also meant that you weren’t going to see your friend as often as you wanted to. The bullying only increased the less Jimin showed his face around you. He was your protector and someone whom you trusted with everything. Shortly after Jimin left, your mental state wasn’t fully intact. You lived your life like this for the next six years. 

You were mainly drinking yourself away, no, you were hiding. Wrapping yourself in a blanket and finding relationships online to help your broken heart. You knew, deep down that, you had to love yourself and repair which you were to love someone else. 

Then, as previously mentioned, Alex showed up. He wasn’t from Korea, as he was born and raised in Europe. Once again, you found him charming and hardworking. You assumed he wasn’t going to be like the rest of your ex’s, especially Liam. 

From afar, Jimin noticed that you were slowly starting to change through your relationship with Alex. He saw the strings that Alex metaphorically started tying around your waist and neck. Reeling you closer to him, but in subtle ways. It got to the point where Jimin mentioned that he might try to steal you away from him, and you eventually stopped talking to Jimin. 

Alex had you wrapped around his pinky, and it seemed like you couldn’t get out. Multiple times you tried leaving, tried breaking everything off. And yet, you always found yourself crawling back to him because he kept saying, “You’re the one for me, I just know it.” 

A year and four months later, the last straw was struck. How he treated your family members, and the stories you heard were getting enough. You were driving back to your apartment when you broke it off with him. Alex called you to check up, and you started having a conversation with him. 

Your mother always told you that it was your decision, in the end, no one else’s. And yet, when you were explaining the reasons why you wanted to break it off, Alex was tugging at your heartstrings. Telling you that you needed to clam down, rethink things through, and work everything out. That you were just going through a lot, and he’d be over with ice cream. 

But that frightened you more than you expected it to, so you hung upon him. Immediately calling the one person, you hadn’t talked to in over a year. 

“Hello?” Jimin ponders as he was curious about who this new number was. 

“Are you in Korea?” Jimin was taken back by your voice, yet he didn’t say anything mean. Instead, he noticed the hurt and chewed on his bottom lip. 

“Yeah, but it’s late right now. I’m at the studio.” Damn it, how could you forget? Jimin had blown up in the past year with BTS, and he was busier than he used to be. Every day was hard enough seeing your friend’s face plastered in every mall, but knowing that you gave him up for some dirtbag was...was terrible enough. 

“Please, I just need somewhere to stay. A-Alex and I broke up, and I’m frightened, Jimin.” You pulled off the highway and started to drive in downtown Seoul. You had no idea where his label was, and you wanted to keep it that way. You just wanted to get someplace where Alex had no idea where you would be. 

Jimin went silent and then took a deep breath. “If you come to the studio, you can leave your car in the parking garage overnight. Then I’ll take you to the dorm so you can stay the night. Promise me when you’ve calmed down to talk to me?” 

“Deal.” Jimin started telling you the address, and you immediately put it in your GPS. You hung the phone shortly after, noticing that you had many missed calls from Alex. You weren’t going to call him back, and you certainly weren’t going to head to your apartment. You wanted to get away from him; you needed the space to calm yourself down. 

About twenty minutes later, you arrived in the parking garage. You explained to security that Jimin sent you here, and they got the message shortly after you hung up the phone with him. You drove in, parked your car, and instantly got out. His label’s building was larger than you expected it to be, but you indeed weren’t focused on it. Instead, you rushed in only to be caught by your friend. 

The only difference from the last time you saw him was his face was slimmer and his hair a different color. You often poked fun of Jimin for having chubby cheeks, but you later realized it was the best feature on him. Jimin saw your red eyes and brought a hand up to brush your tears away. You gave him a small smile that was wavering but brought your forehead in to rest on his shoulder. 

Then your knees gave out, and you began sobbing into his chest. Every resolve you had broke in front of the one person you least expected it to. 

»»————-　★　————-««

A couple days had passed since the breakup. Over that time, you were often around Jimin as you were catching up on everything. You found yourself in the spotlight a few times as the media was interested in whoever this girl was around Jimin. Although, you never really explained yourself or spoke to any media outlet because it seemed like his company took care of it. 

In doing so, you met the rest of his group. At first, you were surprised to see Taehyung and Jungkook floating around. You assumed that they all went to the same high school, yet you never interacted with Taehyung or Jungkook in the halls. You didn’t see Yoongi as often as Jimin mentioned he usually stayed in his studio working hard during the days and nights. 

You would often see him when they ate or practice for their comeback. Seokjin and Hoseok were kind enough to start cracking jokes and play along with you. However, you got the vibe from Seokjin that he was shy around newcomers, but had a lot of confidence in himself. 

Finally, your heart throbbed for their fearless leader Namjoon. He was taller than the rest of the group and won you over with his intelligence. Not to say that they weren’t all intelligent, because they all were. Namjoon was just something else, as you later found out. They all had their different personalities that bounced off of one another, and you enjoyed it more than you thought you would. 

Their energy was something that you desperately needed in time for your own self-reflection and healing. But, they were a great distraction to that as you often found yourself talking to one of the members. More times than one, you found yourself gravitating towards Namjoon. You wanted to pick away at his brain and get to know him better. 

Although you realized that their lives were busy, you weren’t at all trying to get into a relationship with him. Maybe you would want something friendly, but your heart was too broken to start something fresh again. The days soon turned into weeks, and slowly, you were becoming someone who was known around the company. 

You weren’t hired in, but you stopped by enough for most staff members to consider you as employed. You were often there to listen in on whatever tracks the members were making, as well as to have a conversation and watch them from afar. You usually stepped out of the way when things got hectic and, most of the time, silently left. 

During those weeks you spent at the company, you were also staying over at Jimin’s dorm. The reason being is you still didn’t trust Alex with showing up at your place, and you certainly didn’t want to run into him. You had stopped by every once and a while to check in on your apartment, get the mail, as well as get any change of clothes. But each time, it brought you high anxiety and usually left you curled up in a ball on Jimin’s bed. 

“Maybe you should consider moving out,” Namjoon suggested one evening. You turned to look in his direction. Curious as to where this conversation was going, but you allowed him to elaborate on what he was thinking. 

“If that place gives you anxiety, so much so that it cripples you,” he says, moving his chopsticks to the center of the table to pick up some noodles. “I would suggest moving someplace different.” 

You chewed on the inside of your cheek in thought. He had a point, although you weren’t stable enough to afford any place. “I appreciate the advice,” You started out, setting your chopsticks down beside your plate. “But, I can’t really afford to cut my lease and get a new apartment.” 

Namjoon glances in your direction but doesn’t say anything. You could tell he was thinking about something because his eyebrows scrunched together. You purse your lips, observing him. In doing so, you hadn’t noticed Jimin creeping up beside you two. He places a hand on your shoulder and leans in. 

You jumped, scared slightly at your friend’s appearance, but soon your heart settles. “If you need help, I don’t mind helping you,” he says, giving you a smile. You noticed it out of the corner of your eye, and then you quickly turn to shake your head at him. 

Namjoon was going to offer, but Jimin beat him to the punch line. You start explaining how they’ve already been kind enough to let you stay, you couldn’t ask for more. Jimin shrugs his shoulders and still places a hand on your back. He allows you to make your case, noticing how your hands were trembling slightly as you spoke. 

“I’m sure Jimin’s doing this because he wants to see you anxious free,” Namjoon says, setting his book down and crossing his legs under the table. You whip your head once again, meeting Namjoon’s eyes. He gives you a soft expression and an even more delicate smile. Your heart thumps hard in your chest, completely aware of how he makes you feel. 

“I would like to see that as well to Y/n,” he continues his body relaxing into his chair. “You are precious to me. Your home should be a place where you relax and feel safe,” pausing as he brings a hand up to scratch the back of his head. “Not someplace you fear.” 

“Exactly what Joonie-Hyung said Y/n,” Jimin adds bending forwards now, so he was in your line of sight. “We just want you to feel safe and at peace. I’ll help you out with whatever expenses you need for this new apartment, leave it all up to me.” 

And so you did. You left everything up to Jimin as he found you a lovely and secure apartment. Even paid off your rent and other necessary needs. Jimin told you that Namjoon wanted to join in and help, but he reassured him that he had it all under control. That didn’t stop your heart from beating faster, just thinking about it. 

Once you felt comfortable in your apartment, and everything was moved in, you felt at ease. Alex had no idea where you were or what you were doing, and for the first time, you felt free. You felt like you could do whatever you wanted without feeling trapped in your own mind. 

That evening you went out drinking with the members to celebrate such happiness. Since your tolerance was low, you and Hoseok were found swaying back and forth to the music. The rest of the members poked fun at how quickly Hoseok’s face turned red, but you drunkenly sided with him and said he was okay. 

 A few bottles of Soju were making your system feel warm and fuzzy. By the end of the night, Namjoon offered to take you home. Since he didn’t have his license, he called one of their drivers. It was Jimin’s idea to send you back for he was worried if you drank anymore, you might regret it. 

Your friend was going to travel with you, but Namjoon stepped in and offered instead. It’s how you wound up in the back seat leaning against him and mumbling drunkenly to yourself. 

“I need to hold your hand.” You blurt, reaching over and grasping his in yours. Even before Namjoon could protest or say anything, you did it. Then, you briefly cut him off, saying, "It helps me stabilize myself.” 

“Okay,” he responds, peering out the window. For the rest of the drive, you simply leaned against him and closed your eyes. You could feel some of the soju started to lesson and a small headache starting to form. Once arriving at your hotel, Namjoon insisted on making sure you got yourself in bed safely. He wasn’t going to leave you at the doorstep, as he knew that it was a bad idea. 

“I’m fine, Namjoon~” You whined, holding onto his hand as he leads you inside the hotel complex. 

“Not fine enough to walk on your own.” He says, still holding your hand from earlier. You puff at his words as your eyes went down to his side. You start to rub your thumb against his skin in the elevator. This makes Namjoon pause for a split second, then go to press your floor number. 

On the way up, your drunk confidence starts to show. “You know you’re very handsome,” you begin once the elevator doors open. Namjoon pulls you along, thanking you quietly. Not the reaction you were expecting, but does that stop you from continuing? No. 

Since you had your keys, you fumble with them slightly. Namjoon doesn’t waste anytime and gently takes them from your hands. Before he could even grab, you yank your hand away, tutting at him. “Uhuh Joonie,” you purr wobbling a little. Namjoon can see the look in your eye, and he knows exactly where this conversation is going to go. 

“You’ve gotta take ‘em from me~.” 

“Please, Y/n, not now.” 

“But I wanna have fun, daddy~” Namjoon straightens himself when you call him daddy. His cheeks flush, but it wasn’t completely noticeable. You giggle at such a smooth line, to which your drunk self gives you a high five. Little did you know that smooth line kind of turned Namjoon on. 

“Now Y/n,” he demands, holding his hand out. Once again, you shake your head in his direction while taking a step back. 

“I said what I said, daddy,” pausing as you try to stable yourself again. “You’re not going to-” then quickly Namjoon snatches the keys from your hands. He takes you by the wrist afterward, spinning swiftly and unlocking your door. 

Then, opening it and walking in with you. Namjoon shuts the door behind him, locking it and tossing your keys to the side. This was moving too fast for your drunk mind, and you simply couldn’t keep up. You stumbled inside, turning your attention now towards your feet. 

You needed to stabilize yourself for how roughly Namjoon played. Namjoon comes up behind you, leaning in and whispering, "If you keep calling me daddy, it’s not going to end well for you.” 

Your drunk ass thought was an invitation to continue to call him daddy. Even though you were sobering up slightly, that didn’t mean that the alcohol still wasn’t controlling your thoughts. Plus, you had this newfound confidence taking complete control. 

Taking a wobbly step forward, you turned yourself around to pop a hip out. Then you gave a sly smirk and simply said, "Okay, daddy.” Namjoon opens his mouth to retort back, but shuts it almost instantly. He tuts, shaking his head and reaching out to grasp your hand in his. 

“I don’t think you should-” 

“Should what? Keep calling you, daddy?” You muse slowly pulling your hand away from his. “It’s true, you’re a daddy, and I’ve been sexually frustrated because of you.” That was something sober you would’ve freaked out and ran away. Drunk confident, you stood in your embarrassment and gave Namjoon a broad smile. 

At first, Namjoon was confused as he was putting the pieces together. Although it didn’t take him long because he gave you a smug expression. Leaning forwards, Namjoon reached out to touch your cheek gently. Cupping it in his palm before slightly moving forward. You leaned into his embrace, still grinning like nothing was wrong. 

Suddenly, Namjoon gave a light pat on your cheek as a distraction. He picked you up around your waist and gently slung him over his shoulder. In that time, he made a decision that, in his mind, basically said fuck it all. He moves inwards, heading towards your bedroom as he goes. 

His driver could wait, right? Yeah, and if he had to shoo them away, he would do so. Namjoon sets you down on your bed with your back upward. He pushes your shirt up to expose your shorts and then yanks at your jeans. There, he began to rub his palm against your ass gently. 

“You sure you wanna keep calling me daddy?” he questions his tone darkening. 

“Of course, dad-” pain erupted from where Namjoon pulled his hand back and smacked your ass. It wasn’t just on top of your cheeks, no it was that sweet spot. Connecting your ass to your thighs. You yelped a surprised noise, your body launching forwards on the bed. 

Now, this was something you weren’t expecting. It amused you enough to slip such a “dirty” word from your mouth again. Just like before, Namjoon smacks your ass. He does so each time you call him daddy. In the beginning, you were making a cry like noise. 

Further on, you started to moan. Your arousal began to slicken in between your legs and dampen your underwear. Enough to where Namjoon noticed and was also amused. With both hands, Namjoon molds your ass in his hands as his body moves down. He places his head in between your legs, spreading them once he was near. 

You were panting after Namjoon was finished with you. Somehow you were still under the influence of soju, but not enough to where everything was fuzzy. “You smell delicious princess,” he purrs his breath, hitting your skin like fire. Your skin twitches under him as if it was anticipating anything. 

With one hand, Namjoon uses two digits to pull back the fabric covering you from behind. The other push your right thigh to the side, giving him space to bury his face in between your legs. The second his mouth hit your lips, you were moaning. 

Namjoon tasted you like he hadn’t tasted anything before. His tongue licks long stripes in between your folds while also poking itself inside. Your body automatically pushes itself back into him, trying to get him further inside. Your grip on the sheets tightened instantly as you felt your clit begin to throb, wanting attention. 

Instead of giving you what you wanted, Namjoon continues to tease you. This time, licking long stripes upwards distracting you as he plunges two fingers inside. “Fuck daddy,” You mewl resting your head sideways. Namjoon doesn’t say anything. Instead, he curls his fingers downwards, towards your clit. 

Making sure he finds the sensitive nerve endings that make you go insane. His mouth was planting open, ended kisses across your ass. He even bit you a few times to mark his territory. 

“T-Touch my clit p-please,” You stutter, noticing your hips begin to move back against his touch. 

“What was that?” Namjoon questions slipping one finger out and slowing his movements. You groan at his actions, not at all pleased with it. You try moving your hips again, only to have another sharp pain from the left. Namjoon smacks your ass, watching the force of it unfold. 

You moan again, tilting your head back as your nails dug into the sheets further. The words didn’t come to you again because your head was spinning. You wanted Namjoon to touch your bud as it was the only way to make you cum. Yet somehow, Namjoon knew this. He knew what your body needed, and he wasn’t going to give it to you. 

He wanted to see how long he could touch you before you were begging for him. Namjoon was devious in that sense because he wasn’t going to give in to everything you wanted him to. Since you weren’t answering him, Namjoon pulls his digits away from your aching core and sets them on your thighs. He stops all movements, pulling his head back and tilting it in your direction. 

You gasp at his actions, lifting yourself from the sheets to crane your neck towards him. You look at him over your shoulder, which was a bad idea because your cunt clenched itself at sight. His lips were soaked with your essence as some of it touched the tip of his chin. His chocolate eyes were dark and held lust. 

You hadn’t even touched his hair, and somehow it was already messy like you ran your fingers through it. Namjoon gave you a pointed smirk, his whites poking through as he awaited your answer. 

“I..I asked for you to touch my clit.,” you whispered, hoping that he would this time. 

Namjoon gives a short throaty laugh at your response. One hand snaking its way around your thigh and in between your legs. His slim fingers pause just inches about your clitoral hood, drumming themselves against it. Although he wasn’t touching it, you could feel some friction from such small actions. 

“So you want your clit touched hm?” He muses once again, rubbing your left thigh with his free hand. 

“Yes, please..” 

Namjoon pauses once again only to tut in your direction. You were beginning to get sick of his tutting. Why couldn’t Namjoon just give into what you wanted? It was getting frustrating, to the point where you slightly puffed your cheeks out. Namjoon noticed this, and he couldn’t help but laugh now since he found your reaction amusing. 

“Bad girls don’t get their clit’s touched~” he chides, pulling his hand back and smacking your thigh. You gaped in his direction, pulling himself away and licking his fingers. It seemed during that time he was thinking about what he wanted to do with you. Eventually, Namjoon figured that the best way to teach you for calling him "daddy" without his permission, was a lesson. In doing so, Namjoon continues to clean his fingers clean, watching your eyes bulge from their sockets.

You were shocked that he was going to leave you. Half naked, drunk, and extremely horny. You just wanted to come by his hands and have more than just that. But it seemed like Namjoon was severe because he began to shift himself off your bed.

“W-Wait,” you stuttered, scrambling to find the words. “You’re just going to just leave me like this?” You sucked in your breath, noticing the dark eyes that turned to glare at you. Namjoon gave you an amused glint in his eye, his body leaning back to stand beside the bed. 

“Of course, princess,” he answers. “Someone’s got to teach you a lesson.”  

[neuroduckvergent]

The Beagle Coin

Fandom: Ducktales 2017

Characters: Louie Duck, Donald Duck, Scrooge McDuck (Dewey & Huey mentioned)

Notes: Autistic Louie, ADHD Scrooge, ADHD Dewey

-

Special Interests, Louie decided, were both a blessing and a curse.

They were a blessing when they brought you joy and excitement, when you had someone to talk to them about. When they were something normal and not too out of the ordinary, because otherwise the people at school would look at you weird and laugh about your weird obsessions and- he didn't need to go down this rabbit hole right now. He didn't like to think about the other kids at school. They didn't matter. He had his brothers.

They were a curse, however, when you would never be able to complete a collection you have been working on for years. When the missing piece was taunting you oh-so smugly. When it was <i>just</i> out of reach. Close enough to grab it but with such great consequences you couldn't even dream of taking it.

It frustrated him.

Louie's special interest was money, particularly coins. And no, that didn't refer to him wanting to be rich or anything, that was a completely different dream. Having money just for the sake of spending it was really great, but having coins in your collection and knowing all of the history behind the coins, being able to talk about when they were forged, and having so much knowledge in your head you can even put your nerdy brother to shame? That was the best.

Over the course of their adventures, Louie had discovered so many coins he didn't even know existed and it made him so happy! His collection was ever growing. Back when they still lived in the marina he didn't really have a lot of coins. A few old quarters and one of every current coin, but none of them were actually valuable or special in any sort of way. Still, they had emotional value and he cherished them. He knew all the history behind why they had the coins they had today, which led to the missing piece in his collection: The elusive Beagle Coin.

Before Scrooge bought (more like stole) Duckburg from the beagles, they had already started producing some currency. It was only coins and not a lot, but they were known as beagle coins. Nowadays they were worth more than Louie's entire life and super rare, so the chance of ever getting one were below zero. Or, well, so he thought.

Turns out Uncle Scrooge has one.

He was helping Uncle Donald clean the money bin when he stumbled upon the fabled missing piece in his collection. Of course his reaction was immediate, happily clapping and bouncing as he went to show it off to his uncle.

"Uncle Donald look what I found! Look! Uncle Scrooge has a beagle coin! Can I keep it Uncle Donald, please please please?"

Uncle Donald, obviously, told him to ask Uncle Scrooge. Bummer. The old miser would never let him steal it- have it, not steal it. Louie would never steal anything, he was the most honest person he knew! Plus the stern look Uncle Donald gave him kept him from even attempting it anyway.

"Come ON Uncle Scrooge! Please let me have it? I don't want to sell it, I want it for my collection!" "Laddie, do you think I'm daft? This coin is worth thousands of dollars, I'm not going to give it to you. You will sell it and who knows in whose hands it will end up in then!"

Uncle Scrooge really was just as understanding as Louie had predicted: not at all. He wouldn't even listen to Louie trying to explain how much this coin meant to him, which just ended with him being incredibly frustrated about being not listened to, and eventually just having a meltdown. That caused a ruckus and Scrooge pretty much just kicked him out of the money bin.

Well, that was a disaster.

He refused to talk to anyone after that for a few days. It went well for the most part, even when he couldn't really stand Dewey exploding on him about how you shouldn't ignore your family. Huey brought him back to earth quickly by, very angrily, explaining to his brother that Louie was obviously listening and probably just nonverbal and that he should sit down Dewey, he's obviously not doing good!

He managed to hide his mood from Uncle Donald for a few days, not really looking forward to explaining why he refused to talk to anyone, least of all Uncle Scrooge. But Uncle Donald had dad senses, and he was onto Louie, which meant Louie couldn't flee for long. And soon enough he was cornered.

"Okay, Lou. What's wrong? You've been avoiding me for days and I can sense there's something wrong."

And Louie wasn't sure if it was all the frustration that was pent up or if it was because talking to Uncle Donald felt safe, but whatever it was, he spilled the truth pretty much immediately. He began venting about how Uncle Scrooge didn't take him seriously, and about how he refused to listen to him and how overwhelmed he felt by the whole situation.

Needless to say, Uncle Donald didn't take that too well. He patted his head before stomping off. Not five minutes later you could hear his signature anger outburst, loud and echoing throughout the halls. Then everything fell quiet for a while, and Louie briefly wondered if Uncle Donald might have fallen asleep from exerting too much energy by being angry but then he could see his uncle walk down the hallway, Uncle Scrooge in tow. He looked apologetic and Louie was suddenly very aware of the fact that Uncle Donald would probably have murdered Uncle Scrooge if he refused to apologize.

"Ah, laddie. I am sorry. Your uncle... definitely showed me how important this coin would be to you. I wasn't aware coins were your, what do you call it, special interest?”

He was fidgeting a bit and Louie could tell that the other clearly had issues dealing with neurodivergencies, despite having ADHD himself (at least according to Uncle Donald. He overheard him talking about it when he was soothing Dewey about his diagnosis, and how it was fine and normal. "Our family might not be the most neurotypical, but we are the most daring!" That had calmed his brother down a significant amount). Louie could at least appreciate that he was trying, the apology seemed sincere enough.

"I didn't mean ta make you feel like your interests weren't important, but me boy, you need to understand I can't just give you such an important artefact! It's worth a fortune." "But Uncle Scrooge I won't-" "No, I can't afford to lose that much money."

Hopes dashed, Louie looked down to the ground, ready to go back to have the damned thing taunting him. He was about to go "okay, whatever" when Donald intervened.

"How much is the coin worth? I'll pay for it." "Donald, the coin is worth over thousands of dollars." "Well, luckily my life savings are worth almost 10.000 dollars. They were supposed to get me through retirement, but this will be worth it."

Scrooge looked taken aback by that and Louie was honestly just shocked. Uncle Donald couldn't do that! Some stupid coin wasn't worth all that!

"Uncle Donald no! I don't need it that badly-"

Louie might be a conman and devious, but he was also not completely immoral, especially not when it came to his uncle. He knew that Uncle Donald was still struggling with money, so nuh-uh, absolutely no way he was taking that. Judging by Uncle Scrooge's reaction, the older duck wasn't a big fan of that idea either.

"Laddie... This coin isn't worth you wasting your life savings. Okay look, I'll trust you on this okay? I'll trust Louie to not give the coin away and I'll trust you to make sure he doesn't lose it. I don't want to take ye money."

Donald seemed to not have been expecting that, blinking in confusion a few times before smiling softly. Louie, on the other hand, was ecstatic, bouncing excitedly and hugging Scrooge before pulling away quickly and pretending that didn't happen, trying to play cool.

"Yeah, um, thanks Uncle Scrooge."

His giant grin betrayed him, but both of his uncles had the courtesy to not mention it, though Donald did ruffle the feathers on top of Louie's head, making the young duck huff a bit.

[unloveable-unreachable]

You’re the One My Heart Wants- Chapter 5

Word Count: 2,729 (oof still a little short, oh well I’ll make it up to y’all in later chapters. Don’t worry ;) )

Warnings: There’s a lot of sensitive topics being talked about, especially family problems and coming out stories. If that can be triggering to you then please don’t read this chapter. & Swearing

Author: Me

Y/N POV

“Alex? What’s wrong?” I ask, feeling sober after seeing her upset. She looks at me for a moment before sighing and looking down at her hands. “I just had a lot going on. I wanted to clear my head, so I started driving around. And for some reason, I ended up here. I knocked on your door but you weren’t here, so I just figured I’d sit here and wait for you to get home. I’m sorry for not texting you back earlier...” Alex answers without making eye contact with me. I’ll admit the whole situation was confusing as fuck to me but in some weird way, I understood. “No that’s okay, Alex. Really. You can always come here if you need someone to talk to about whatever you need. But can you tell me why you’re crying?” I ask while stepping closer to her. That must have set something off in her because she just started crying more.

I immediately feel bad, because my dumb drunk ass just made her cry even more than she already was. What a dumbass. I move to sit next to her on the step she was sitting on, and wrap her up in a hug trying to comfort her. She just cries harder into my shoulder. I want to calm her down so I can understand why she’s crying, but that doesn’t seem to be happening anytime soon. We sit there for a while in silence trying to get her to calm down. When she finally does, she just looks up at me with her beautiful eyes. Even when they’re all bloodshot and red, I still manage to get lost in them. Damn, she was still so beautiful even when she was a crying mess, and honestly, it didn’t help the crush I already had on her. I was so fucked. “I’m...just...so sorry about last night, Y/N,” she finally says. I look at her confused. She didn’t have anything to be sorry about. “Do you want to come inside and talk about it?” I ask, not breaking eye contact with her. She nods and we both head inside.

Once inside, I let Luna out back and lead Alex to the kitchen. I don’t know why. She was here last night, she obviously knew where the damn kitchen was. I get us both some water from the fridge because I definitely didn’t need any more alcohol tonight and she needs to drink something to keep from getting dehydrated. As I sit down, I check my phone before getting ready to have my conversation with Alex. I get a message from Ali:

“Hey, was that Alex sitting on your steps when we left??”

“Can’t talk right now. I’ll fill you in tomorrow in the car.”

“Okay...let me know if you need anything, kiddo. I love you.”

“I love you too, mom.”

I put my phone away as Alex sits across from me. To say just sitting there in silence was awkward would be an understatement. You can feel it in the air, it was like neither of us wanted to start the conversation. “So you wanted to talk about last night?” I say, finally breaking the awkward silence. Alex looked like she was thinking really hard about what to say while staring into my eyes. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I know we don’t really know each other that well. And I ruined any chance of that changing by kissing you last night,” she says while looking down at her hands. I look at her trying to get her to look up from her hands, taking everything in that I just heard. I let out a sigh and rub my temples, debating what to say. I don’t want to fuck anything up but I need to be honest with her. After a moment I quietly say, “You didn’t ruin anything.”

Alex’s POV

My heart drops to my stomach after hearing her say those words. My eyes shoot up from my hands to meet hers. I study her face looking for any sign that she was joking, but there aren’t any. She gives me a small smirk, the same smirk that makes me catch my breath, letting me know she’s being honest. I look into her eyes again, they’re back to that enchanting green-blue that they were last night. Fuck, those damn eyes. Seriously, who’s eyes change as much as hers do? Like it’s the most beautiful and aggravating thing for me to see, just because it makes my heart ache at the sight of them. Shit, she probably thinks I’m staring again. I shake my head, trying to get out of the trance of her eyes and focus on what we’re talking about.

“What has Kelley told you about my past? And don’t act like you don’t know, I know Kelley can’t keep every secret I tell her,” I say, knowing my best friend has trouble keeping her mouth shut, especially after a few drinks. Y/N looked down at her hands before saying anything. She glances up slightly before looking back down as she says, “All she told me was that you and Servando split up because he didn’t support your life choices and that he said he could never love someone like you. She also said that your divorce was final right at the beginning of the season, and that was why you haven’t been acting like yourself lately. And that you needed friends here since she’s gone most of the time, so I told her I’d be your friend and look out for you for her,” Y/N says, not looking at me till the last part. I nod my head when she finishes. Of course Kelley would tell her that, I’ll have to remember to get on to her along with thanking her.

I sigh, knowing that I’m about to spill my guts out to someone I hardly knew. “I’m going to tell you a secret that you can’t tell anyone, okay?” she nods, bringing all of her attention to me. “I’ll tell people in my own time, that just isn’t right now. So I’m trusting you with this,” I say giving her a serious look. “I promise not to tell anyone else,” she states. I let out a long sigh. “Back when I was younger, my family supported everything I did. I was very fortunate for that, and I still am to this day. I thought I knew who I was, but when I got to college something changed, I don’t know how to explain it. It just felt like something changed within me. I felt like I couldn’t be who I wanted to be to the fullest extent. Like, I wanted to be a soccer star and share my success with someone I love. I got the first part down, but that last part was hard to come by.” I pause, trying to collect my thoughts.

“So when I met Servando I thought that I had found it. Everything I wanted. I was happy, and my family was happy. Things seemed to be right in my life, but it all changed in 2016. We lost the Olympics, which you know because you were there, and I wasn’t happy for a while. I didn’t want to be around Servando for long periods of time, and that just made him mad all the time. I spent so much time with my friends that I had a lot of time to think about my life and if I was happy with it. I knew something was off about my relationship choices. I sort of experimented in college, but I thought it was nothing at the time. But in reality, it stuck with me throughout my adult life and I realized it was something I wanted, even when I was with Servando. That’s when I started being honest with myself and my feelings. I came out as bisexual to Kelley and Allie first, and honestly, I was so worried about their reactions. In reality, I didn’t need to be. Kelley pulled me into the tightest hug and Allie was so proud of me that she started crying before hugging me. I knew after telling them that I had to tell my family and Servando because I couldn’t lie anymore. I was even more afraid to tell them, but my family supported me like they always do like my mom has never hugged me so hard and told me how much she loved me that much before that day, but Servando reacted differently than I expected.” I stopped before I started crying. Y/N reached out and touched my arm, comforting me. “It’s okay. Take your time,” she says softly.

I gave her a soft smile as I continued, “He just yelled at me saying I lied to him for 2 years of marriage. He said that I wasted his time and that he deserved better. While he yelled, I just sat there and listened to what he had to say. After he finished, I asked him if this changed how he felt about me, and all he said was that he needed time. Honestly, I don’t know how I expected him to react, but it wasn’t that. A few days later he told me that he didn’t love me like he used to because he couldn’t love someone like me. He wouldn’t force himself to love me the same way anymore. So for the next 3 years, I went through appearances and award shows with him, while we went through a divorce. And Kelley was right when she said it was final at the beginning of the season, and that I’ve been acting off lately.” When I finished my story I just sat and waited for her to say something.

She sat there lost in her thoughts for a few moments. Even lost in thought, she’s one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen and I can’t help but stare at her again. When she finally comes to a decision, she looks me right in the eyes before saying, “He didn’t deserve you. You deserved better than what he gave you, Alex. You deserve someone who’s going to love you and always be there for you no matter what.” She looked serious, and to be honest, it was fucking hot. I take a moment to take in everything she said. She’s right, I do deserve someone who loves me no matter what and would never leave me. Would I ever find that person though? I think I already have, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself and ruin anything. “Thank you, Y/N. That really means a lot,” I say, smiling softly at her.

Y/N POV

Jesus Christ this day has been weird. First that damn hike with my moms, having Ali show her emotions to me for the first time, finding Alex’s note, my family meltdown in front of my moms, another heart-to-heart with Ali and this time including Ash, and then now having this talk with Alex. I deserve so many drinks right now, it’s unreal. Alex just spilled her whole heart to me, even though we weren’t that close. Maybe after tonight, we could actually be friends, I mean that’s what Kelley wanted to happen after last night. I wouldn’t want to pressure her into being something more since she still seemed to be in a sensitive place. She deserves a friend who she can talk to about what’s going on in her head when Kelley and Allie aren’t around. I could be that friend to her if she’d let me.

I think about my next words carefully because I don’t want to make the night even more awkward, but she just shared a secret with me I might as well tell her mine too. I should clear this up first, I’m gay and proud of it but since I was hiding it from my family I never felt the need to come out to my teammates. Ali just figured I was and asked to clarify because she knew I probably wouldn’t have told her otherwise, so, in turn, Ash knows. I’ve only actually come out to Sonny, Lindsey, Tobin, and Sammy. And that only happened on a night we were all drinking and Sammy brought up her husband (boyfriend/fiancé at the time) and I said, “Damn I wish I had a girlfriend I could spoil as much as Pat spoils you, Sammy.” So yeah, they know. 

“Since we’re sharing secrets,” I say as she seems to relax after telling me about her past, “My family disowned me recently, actually today to be exact, because they didn’t approve of my life choices.” Alex gives me a concerned look, “What do you mean they disowned you? For what life choices?” I sigh before telling her, “For my whole life I’ve been the disappointment of my family no matter what I do. My two sisters are both happily married to men and have kids of their own. My mom called me today and told me that it was time for me to find a husband, and not focus on soccer so much. I told her I don’t need a husband and that I don’t want anything to do with men because I’m gay,” I look over at Alex, trying to read her face. I can’t figure her out sometimes, she puts on a stone-cold look most of the time so she can be hard to read. She gives me a sad, comforting look. “My mom hung up on me, and now I have no contact with my family. Believe me, I tried to get her back on the phone and the phone wouldn’t even ring. The only people who know about this besides you is Ali and Ash, and that’s because they were here during the phone call. Well and also because they’re my family, and they have been since the World Cup. That’s why I’m always with them after training and during our off days,” I say as Alex smiles at the last part because she knew Krashlyn took me in as their own.

 Alex takes in everything I just spilled to her. Which was a lot, I feel bad for spilling it all to her but she deserved to know after last night. I try not to make eye contact with her while she thought everything through, but I sneak glances at her blue eyes. They calmed me down almost as much as her smile and laugh did. I wonder if I’ll ever get to hear her laugh again, hopefully, sooner rather than later. After sitting in silence she says, “Well now that makes sense why you’re always with them. If I’m being honest, a lot of the girls were wondering why you were always with them, now I know. And your family was wrong to do that to you.” She makes eye contact with me just before saying, “You’re perfect the way you are, don’t let them get to you. You’re loved by our whole club and the National Team.” I smile at her and she smiles back, brighter than I’ve ever seen.

“So look, last night doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to,” I say to her. She gives me a confused look. “We don’t know that much about each other, but we can learn about each other as friends. Kelley was right, and I know we both hate to admit that, you deserve friends around you to help you through things.” Alex nods at me while thinking the whole situation through. “I don’t regret what happened last night,” she whispers, loud enough for me to hear. I give her a soft smile. “I don’t regret it either, but I’m not going to force you into anything you aren’t ready for,” I say, causing her to look up at me with those piercing eyes again. Those fucking eyes, I swear they’re going to pierce right through me one of these days and I’d be completely okay with it. She smirks at me, like a smirk that’ll stop your heart, thinking about her next sentence hard.

“No, I’m ready. Do you want to go out with me tomorrow after training?”

To Be Continued

[chickensarentcheap]

Sanctuary -Chapter 18

Warnings: angst. Mostly between parent and (young) child

Here’s your chapter @alievans007  ;)    Remember that I warned you lol

Tagging: @valkyrie-of-the-light, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y, @innerpaperexpertcloud

Two hours before he leaves, Tyler finds himself sitting on the edge of the bottom bunk in the twins' room. Initially listening to them babble on about their day with Nik and Yaz. Going to a movie in the big city, eating mountains of junk food, a stop at a toy store to pick out whatever they wanted (within reason), and dinner out. His smile never wavering as he listened intently; offering up appropriate responses or simple nods or shakes of head, them helping them into pyjamas and tucking them in. Side by side on the bigger mattress, the top taken up by a sleeping Mac. It was the dog's nightly ritual: making his rounds through the kids' rooms until they all fell asleep before finally making his way into the master bedroom and settling down with Tyler and Esme.

       When the twins finally finish their lively and animated recap of their day, he reluctantly makes his move.

 “So... you guys remember when I first got back a week ago? How I said that I'd be home for a while? That I'd have lots of time to spend with you and your brother and sister and your mom?”

 They both nod.

 “Well something came up. Something important.  Not as important as you guys, but something that I really need to do. And now I need to go away for a little while.”

 TJ frowns, brow furrowing. “Why?”

 “Because someone needs my help. Badly. And I'm the only one that can help them.”

 “But why?” his son presses. “Why not someone else? Why do you have to go and help?”

 “Because that's what I do. When I go away. I help people. That's my job.”

 “How?” Tanner speaks up. “How do you help?”

 “I get them away from bad people.”

 Tanner cocks his head to the side, eyes narrowing in confusion. “What kind of bad people? What do they do that makes them bad?”

 “They do things that hurt good people,” Tyler explains. Careful with the words he chooses, with the tone he uses. Too much information while just frustrate and confuse them even more. Too little while cause even more questions that he knows he won't have suitable answers for.  “Good people that can't stick up for themselves.”

 “So they're bullies,” TJ concludes. “Like that dick head Timmy at school. The one that always hits girls.”

 “Sort of,” he can't help but laugh at his son's choice of words. As much as he knows he shouldn't.  “And we really shouldn't go around calling people dick heads, mate.”

 “You call people dick heads,” Tanner says. “In the car when they make you mad.”

 “Well that's because they are dick heads.”

 Both boys giggle.

 “But I'm an adult and I can use those kinds of words. Maybe I shouldn't use them around you guys, but sometimes it just comes out. Just don't use those kinds of words around your mom, yeah? Because that won't end well for you guys. Or for me.”

 “If you go and help people and get them away from bad people, does that mean you're a policeman?” TJ asks.

 “Sort of. I guess.”  Mercenary would be too hard to explain at their age. Soldier of fortune seemed a little too brutal for little ears. Vigilante...it could work. If they were just a tad older.

 Tanner's eyes widen in interest. “You get to have a gun?”

 “Sometimes. Just to scare the bad guys, though. Not to hurt them,” the lie rolls easily off the tongue. A little too easily.  “I need to go away for a week. Maybe two. To help these people. A mommy and her two kids. Their daddy asked me to help them. Understand what I'm saying?”

 They once again nod in unison.

 “I need you guys to be good, okay? I need you to be nice to your mommy and help her out. Because it's hard on her when I go away and she gets lonely and sad. So I need you to help her out around the house. Clean your room when tells you to. Feed the dog. Eat your veggies. And I need you to five her lots of extra love and hugs and kisses. I want you to make her smile and laugh. A lot. You got all that?”

 “Will you call us?” Tanner inquires. “So we can talk to you?”

 “I'll call every night before bed. I promise. And we'll do video chats like we always do.”

 “But I don't want you to go,” TJ is near tears. Normally the strong and stoic one, much like the man he's named after. It takes a lot for him to show emotion. Always preferring to the be the one that comforts others. “You said you wouldn't go away for a while. That you'd stay home. That we could go camping and fishing and do all kinds of cool things.”

 “I know, mate. And I'm sorry. I didn't know this was going to happen. And I wouldn't go...I wouldn't leave you guys...if there was someone else who could help. But there isn't. There's just me. And that mommy and her kids need me to help. So they can get back to their daddy. You'd want that, right? Someone to help you get back to mommy and I if you got lost?”

 TJ nods.

 “We can do all those things and more when I get back. I won't be gone long. Fourteen days at the most. Remember those calendars that mommy made you? That you can use to count down the days until I get back? You make sure you use those so you'll know when it's getting closer to when I come home.”

 “But it's not fair,” TJ laments. “Why does it have to be you?”

 “Daddy's helping people,” Tanner attempts to reason with his older -by mere minutes- brother. And he slides closer to him and snakes an arm around his shoulders. “Daddy helps people get away from bad guys. And that's pretty awesome, Teej.”

 “I know,” he sniffles. “But it's still not fair. Why can't someone else's daddy go?”

 “Because no one is as good at this job as I am,” Tyler says. “So I won't be here when you guys wake up in the morning, okay? And I need you both to be strong for mommy and Millie. They're going to have a hard time. So I need you guys to be extra nice to them. Can you do that? Can I count on you? To make things easier on your mom and your sister?”

 They both nod.

 “I'll be home soon,” he vows, as he leans over to hug and kiss both of them, using his thumbs to clean the tears off of TJ's cheeks and the sides of his nose. And before he can slide off the bed, his son wraps both arms around his neck and pulls him down into a tight hug.

 “I'm gonna miss you daddy.”

 He fights back his own tears. The emotion raw. Powerful. “I'm going to miss you too. All of you. But I won't be gone long, I promise.”  Running a hand over his namesake's hair, he presses a kiss to his temple. “I love you guys. I love you so much.”

 “I love you too, daddy,” TJ whimpers, and Tyler feels Tanner's arms wrap around his neck and his legs around his torso, a chin resting on his shoulders.

 “I love you daddy,” Tanner says, and squeezes as tight as his little body will allow.

 ***

 He moves to Millie's room next. The one that he is dreading the most.  She is hit or miss when it comes to him leaving: one day she can be strangely calm and accepting, the next she can launch into an epic meltdown. Things haven't been easy since he'd returned home from his last two weeks away: the return to the thumb sucking, the refusal to stay in her own bed for the entire night, the nightmares of bad guys either preventing him from coming come or showing up at the house to hurt all of them.  She's been extra clingy; fiercely protective and wanting to be by his side every second of the day, pitching fits when he spends time with just Ovi and the boys.  

 He sits on the impossibly narrow twin bed, surrounded by stuffed animals and dolls, his daughter sitting between his legs, sharing her own stories from the busy day while he braids her hair.  A nightly ritual that she insists on. It keeps the tangles away and she likes the way it looks when she takes the braids out in the morning. Like a mermaid, she always says.  And he remembers the struggle he'd had at first; when she was two and her mother insisted that they keep her hair long so they could do 'cute things with it'. His long fingers and big hands having a hell of a time getting used to just separating the chunks of hair, never mind having to actually braid them.

  It was something he'd never envisioned himself doing: a personal hairdresser for a little girl. His little girl.

 “It's fun,” she says, as he uses impossibly small elastics to secure the braids at the side of her head. “I like going into the big city. But I wouldn't want to live there. There's too much noise. And way too many people. I like people. But not that much.”

 He grins. “You're starting to sound more and more like me every day.”

 “There's too many cars,” she continues. “People aren't friendly. They took talk to you or smile at you. And it smells funny.”

 “Worse than the goats and the chickens?”

 “Way worse. I'm glad we live where we do. We don't have to put up with people. Except for my brothers,” she rolls her eyes at that. “They're bad enough.”

 “You'd miss them if they weren't around. If you woke up tomorrow and they weren't here anymore.”

 “I don't want them to disappear. I just want them to stop bugging me all the time. Why do they have to be so annoying?”

 “Because that's what boys do. We never grow out of it. I annoy your mom all the time.”

 “But she doesn't want you to disappear. Because she loves you. And I love my brothers. I just don't like them sometimes. They don't have to disappear, but maybe they can go and visit grandma for a little while. To give me a goddamn break!”

 “Hey,” he gently scolds, but can't keep back the grin. “Language. Remember what I said about the language?”

 “Not to use bad words when mommy's around and can hear them.”

 “Well, yeah. I said that too. But what else did I tell you?

 You swear all the time,” she points out.

 “I'm an adult. I'm allowed. You're a kid. So...” he presses a kiss to her cheek. “...stop with the bad language. Please.”

 “Is it better if I say 'damn break'?”

 “Not as bad but still not great.”

 She sighs in exasperation.

 “Done,” he finishes with the last braid, presses another kiss to her cheek. “Go. Up. Time for bed. Let's get you tucked in.”

 He slides off the bed, wincing at the pain in his knees and back, dropping the hairbrush and extra elastics onto an already overcrowded dresser. A wide and unusual variety of unicorn figurines, My Little Ponies, and Transformers.

 “One day we should go where you used to live, daddy,” Millie suggests, already flat on her back, head nestled into her pillow. “I want to go there. Mommy says it's really nice and that's there lots of water and beaches. Could we go there sometime?”

 “It's something we can think about. It would be nice to take you there.”

 “And I could meet grandpa.”

 “You've already met him,” his hands work to tightly tuck sheets and a quilt around her.

 “But I was just a baby then. I don't remember meeting him. Maybe he'd want to see me again.”

 “Maybe,” he attempts a smile. It is a possibility that the old man would not only want to see her again but meet his other grandchildren as well.  But if the returned letters and holiday cards are any indication, he has no interest in seeing any of them and has completely washed his hands of his only child.

 “What's wrong, daddy?” she asks. “You look sad.”

 “I'm not sad. Just tired.”

 “I can tell when something's wrong, you know. You look different when something is wrong.  Your eyes. They look different.”

 “Remember how last week I told you that I was going to stay home for a while? No more going away?”

 She nods.

 “Well that didn't go exactly the way I'd hoped it would. I really wanted to be able to spend tons of time with you and your brothers and your mom. But...”

 Her lips are set in a thin, stern line.  “You have to go away,” she finishes for him.

 “Just for a week. Or two. No longer than that. There's some people that need my help.”

 “Tell them no,” she orders.

 “I already told them yes.”

 “You promised. You promised you wouldn't go away.”

 “I know, I did...” he takes a seat on the edge of the bed, expecting to lay a hand on her leg, only to have her slide away from him. “...Millie...I have to help these people. They need my help.”

 “They can get someone else to help. You're not the only person in the entire world.”

 “I know. But I'm the one they asked for. I'm the one they need help from. No one else can do the job as well as I can. If there was someone else, they would have asked them.”

 “I don't care,” she huffs. “You promised! You promised you'd stay home!”

 “I know I did. And I'm sorry. This is a mommy and two kids and...”

 “Then let their daddy help them! You're my daddy! Not theirs! Mine. And you're not allowed to leave!”

 “It was their daddy who asked me to help him get them back.”

 “I... don’t...care...” she spits out each word.

 “Amelia...please...just listen to me...” he attempts to lay a hand on her again, but she angrily slaps it away.

 “No!” she snaps. “Don't touch me!”

 “Amelia...” his tone deepens, frustration and anger getting the best of him. Not just over her reaction; he'd expected things to just go to shit. But the fact that she's so stubborn and protective and she just won't hear him out. So much like her mother, in that respect. Losing her mind and totally tuning him out before he even gets a chance to explain.  He's mad at himself; for getting into this situation in the first place. And he's hurt.  Wounded by that look of utter betrayal in his daughter's eyes. “...if you'd just listen to me...”

 “No!” she bellows. “I don't want to listen to you! You lied to me, daddy! You lied yesterday when you said that Auntie Nik wasn't here to take you away.”

 “I didn't lie. She wasn't here to take me away. She was here for a different reason. This has nothing to do with her. This was a decision I made. Because someone needs my help. There's a little boy and a little girl out there that are scared and they're in danger and I need to get them back to their own mommy and daddy. Understand?”

 “I don't give a shit!”

 “Amelia!” he snaps, and she blinks at the force in his voice. “Enough! Listen to what I'm trying to tell you. Can you do that? Can you keep quiet for five seconds and actually listen to me? Why do you have to be like this? Why do you have to be so much like your mother?!”

 Tears well in her eyes, lower lip trembling, but she refuses to give in. The rage she's feeling inside of that tiny body much more powerful than sadness.

 “Lying is bad, daddy! You always tell us not to lie! And then you go and lie!”

 “Amelia...” his voice is softer, palms out towards her, appealing for calm. “...I didn't mean to lie to you. I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to tell you. I wanted to wait.”

 “You said you weren't going to fight the bad guys,” she continues, her nostrils flaring, hands tightly gripping the blanket on top of her.  “You said you were going to stay home! With me and mommy and TJ and Tanner and Declan! That's what you said.”

 “I know. I know what I said. And I'm sorry if I have to go against it. I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'm doing this because that daddy needs me to help.”

 “But I need you here! You're my daddy and I need you here!”

 “And I'll be back in two weeks. At the most. Then I'm all yours. I promise.”

 “You're lying again,” she accuses, and it's like a bullet straight to his heart. The brutal honesty in her words, the anger and the pain that she's feeling and allowing to just come pouring out.  

 “I'm not lying. I just need to go and help these people and then I'll come back. I promise.”

 “You're lying!” she screams, and launches herself at him. Tiny fists failing; beating against his shoulders and his chest, feet kicking at whatever they can make contact with.

 “Stop,” he orders, laying his hands on her arms, easily pining them to her sides. “You need to stop.”

 It's like she has the strength of a grown man. A demon possessing her, even. Surprisingly powerful and agile as she manages to slip out of his grasp, and he finds himself once more dodging slaps and punches and kicks.

 “I said stop!” he yells, and roughly grabs a hold of her, angrily flipping her around so she has her back towards him, both arms tightly wrapping around her entire body, one of his legs trapping and pinning down both of hers.

 Her entire body trembles with rage; every muscle taut and tense, sweat coating her body and dampening her hair. Yet despite his vice like grip, she still fights. And he has to turn his face away to avoid a headbutt to the nose. “You need to calm down! Calm down and take a breath. Stop this shit. Stop it right fucking now, understand me?

 “No! Let me go! Let me go right now!”

 “Amelia! Enough! I will let you go when you calm down. So just take a deep breath and...”

 “I hate you,” she hisses, and the words cut through him. Inflicting more damage that any fist, knife, or bullet have ever managed.

 His breath stops; wind completely knocked out of him. His heart aches: a piercing, agonizing pain unlike anything he's ever experienced. The tears are instant; hot and bitter as they trickle freely down his face.  But he only holds her tighter. Letting her kick and squirm and scream until she wears herself out. Body becoming limp, chest heaving from excursion, heaving loud, wounded sobs.

 “I want mommy,” she whimpers, and tries to wriggle away.

 “Amelia...it's okay...just calm down. Calm down and listen to me. I promise you I'll be home soon.

 “I want mommy!” she screams, and manages a solid elbow to his sternum. “Go away! Leave me alone! I just want mommy.”

 “You need to just calm down. Calm down and hear me out. Please.”

 “No!” she finally wriggles free of him, throwing herself down onto her stomach, face buried in her blankets.  “Just go away!” she sobs. “I just want mommy. I want my mommy.”

 He heaves a heavy sigh, brushes away the tears from his cheeks and reluctantly climbs off the bed. Frowning when she angrily slaps away the hand he tries to lay on her head.

 “I'm sorry,” he manages, the words barely audible, choked by the emotion that has lodged itself square in his throat. “I'm so sorry.”

 “Go!” she orders. “Now! And don't come back!”

 “Millie...” those words hurt even more than being told that she hates him. Its agonizing: knowing that he's caused her that much pain and distress. “...I'm sorry...I'm not doing this to hurt you...” she allows him to push hair away from her face. Her blue eyes furious as she looks at him.

 “Don't come back EVER,” she hisses, and turns her face away from him.

 “I'm sorry,” he can't say it enough. Even a million times would never suffice. He leans over the bed, pressing a soft kiss to her temple. Then he leaves the room, leaving his entire heart behind him.

 ****

 An hour passes before Esme joins him in their bedroom, and he watches out of the corner of his eyes she lingers in the doorway, observing as he packs the last of his clothes. Grey and black fatigues mostly, with shirts to match. A couple pairs of jeans. Some cargo shorts.  His body is tense, shoulders achingly tight. And he can feel the way the vein in the side of his neck throbs.

 “I had to lie with her until she fell asleep,” his wife says, wringing her hands together, rocking back and forth on her heels. Still not moving away from the doorway. But she's out now. They all are.”

 “Good,” he doesn't look away from the task at hand, eyes focused intently on the simple act of folding shirts and tucking them into the bag.

 “The boys handled the news okay? They were already asleep when I went to check on them. Tanner actually had his arms around TJ. I'm surprised TJ put up with that. You know he likes to let on that he's a hard ass. I wonder where he gets that from.”

 He smirks.

 “So they did? Handle it okay?”

 “You're making me fucking nervous standing there like that. Either come in or get out.”

 She sighs, then steps fully into the room, using her foot to close the door behind her. Arms crossed over her chest as she slowly and cautiously approaches him. “I'm not here to fight,” she promises. “I'm just here to talk. And to help.”

 “I don't need your help,” his tone is far harsher than it needs to be, and he immediately feels the pangs of guilt and regret. “But thank you,” he adds, voice softer, yet his eyes never meeting hers.

 “The boys were okay?” she asks again, as she stands beside him, hands reaching for a simple black cotton t-shirt.  “They handled it fine?”

 “A lot better than their sister did, that's for sure.”

 She runs her fingertips over some fraying at the neck of the t-shirt, then folds it and places it in the bag with the others. “She didn't mean it, Tyler. The things she said to you. She didn't mean them.”

 “I know.”

 “She's just a little girl,” she picks up a pair of his jeans, picking at the slight tear in the corner of one of the front pockets. They're weathered and tattered in places, but so is he. “Shy's just a little girl,” she continues. “She's only five.”

 “I know how old my own daughter is.”

 “She's just a baby still, really. You know how much she loves you. How much she idolizes you.”

 He nods.

 “She was just hurt,” Esme reasons, as she finishes folding the jeans and adds them to the pile of clothes. “And angry. She lashed out. All kids say they hate their parents at least once in their lives. I know I said it a few times as a teenager. Sometimes I still say it when it comes to my mom.”

 “Yeah, well she can be real bitch. So I get that,” he moves to the dresser, taking a swig from a half full bottle of beer.

 “She didn't mean it,” Esme repeats.

 “I already said I know. What more do you want me to say? What do you want from me?”

 “Oh, I don't know. Maybe an actual conversation instead of you biting my head off every time I say something. I'm not the enemy here, Tyler. We're in this together, remember?”

 “Yeah? Well you're not that one that had your daughter...your five-year-old...try to beat the shit out of you.”

 “You didn't hurt her if that's what you're worried about,” she knows that he often doesn't understand his own strength. Totally underestimate the sheer power inside of his body. “You restrained her. But you didn't hurt her and there's no bruises or anything like that. You did what you had to do. She's fine.”

 “She's five. She weighs forty pounds soaking wet. I shouldn't have had to restrain her. Who does that? Who does that to their own kids?” He's disgusted with himself; it's in his voice, written all over his face.

 “She was irrational and freaking out. You did what you had to calm her down. I don't hate you for that. And neither does she. You can't honestly believe that she meant what she said. She's a little kid.”

 “A little kid that throws a wicked left hook,” he points out, nursing his beer as he leans back against the dresser, ass resting on the edge.

 “Regardless, she didn't mean what she said. She doesn't actually hate you. And I know it hurt to hear that. I know it probably tore your heart right out of your chest. And I'm sorry you even had to hear her say it. But you know she loves you. You know she thinks the entire world revolves around you. That you can do no wrong.”

 “Well she doesn't think all of that now, does she. So congratulations. You got your little girl back. You've got her all to yourself now.”

 “This isn't a fucking competition, Tyler. You know I'm joking when I say those things. About how she loves you more and you're her favourite. It's true, but it doesn't actually bother me. She's a daddy's girl. It is what it is. But I don't hold it against you and I'm not serious when I say the things I do. Please tell me you know that. That you know I'm joking. I wouldn't say anything to intentionally hurt you.”

 “I know.”

 “Do you? Because right now it seems like you're projecting all of this shit onto me. I'm sorry things totally blew up in your face. That it went way worse than you ever thought it would. But I'm not the enemy. That's all you. You're your own worst enemy and you know it. So please...” she approaches him, standing between his thighs, running her hands along his face before clasping them together. at the nape of his neck. “...don't do this. Don't take what she said seriously.”

“My daughter just told me she hates me. My five-year-old. Not a teenager. A little kid.”

 “And she didn't mean it,” Esme insists. “She was just hurt. She was upset that you broke your promise to her. And maybe she went a little too far and totally overreacted...”

 He smirks. “Wonder where she gets that from. That definitely comes from your genes.”

 “...but do you really blame her? You're her entire world. She has seen you come back into this house with black eyes and broken bones and a busted nose. And that scares her. She thinks you're invincible. So it's hard for her to see you like that. It's hard for me to see you like that and I'm an adult. She's just a little girl. And she's pissed off and she's hurt because you broke a promise to her.”

 “I never meant to...”

 She places two fingers against his lips, silencing him. “You broke her heart. She was angry and she lashed out. Can you really blame her? I mean, she's five. This is a huge thing for her to have to deal with.”

 He nods in agreement, then presses a kiss to the tips of her fingers before she removes them.

 “She'll be fine,” his wife insists. “Tomorrow morning she'll wake up and be back to the same old Millie.”

 “Only I won't be here to see it.”

 “That was your decision. You knew it would be hard on her. But you made the decision and I supported you. I still support you. But please...” she holds his face in her hands, thumbs running along his lips. “...don't take what she said seriously.”

 “She told me to never come back. Ever.”

 “She was just hurt. Tomorrow night when you call or video chat or whatever, she won't even remember what she said. She'll be Millie again. I promise. She'll have a good night's sleep and be okay in the morning. She always is. She's tough. A hard ass. Just like her daddy.”

 He manages a small smile, then lays a hand on the side of her, pressing a kiss to her forehead before moving to her lips. Indulging in a languid, lazy kiss before cupping the back of her head in one of his palms as his mouth breaks away from hers... His free hand gripping her ass his lips blaze a slow path along her jaw.

 “You leave in an hour and a half,” she reminds him.

 He grins. “I only need twenty minutes.”

 ***

  In the soft glow cast by the bedside lamp, she watches him as he dresses; lustfully admiring his naked form. The way muscles in his back and shoulders twist and contract with each movement, the delicious bulging of his triceps and biceps. All hard muscle and smooth skin; tattoos and scars that she has long committed to memory through both sight and touch.  

He'd made her come...twice...with his mouth and his fingers. And then he'd pressed himself inside of her while her inner muscles were still throbbing and convulsing; baring his weight on outstretched arms as he moved inside of her. Her nails scraping across his shoulders and down onto his arms, legs around his waist and her ankles locked at the small of her back. It been so slow, achingly tender. His eyes locked on hers the entire time, even when exchanging deep, languid kisses. And after they'd both reached completion, she'd clung to him. Arms as tight as she could possibly get them, eyes closed as tears spilled down her cheeks. Wanting to remember that very moment...the way his heart hammered within his chest, the way he tasted, the way he smelled.

 “You're staring,” he says now, his back still towards her, as he pulls on boxers, followed by a pair of jeans.

 “Admiring,” she corrects, and he smiles at her over his shoulder, giving her a wink. “What time is it?”

 He glances down at his watch.  “Nine thirty.”

 “Half an hour,” she says, and he nods.  “I don't want you to go.”

 “I don't really want to go either,” he admits, as he does up the fly and the button on the jeans, followed by his belt buckle.

 “You're coming home.” It's a statement. Not a question.

 “Fourteen days,” he promises. “Hopefully sooner.”

 “Hopefully,” she agrees, and then sits up in bed, reaching for her own t-shirt that lies at the side of the bed. “You're okay?” she asks, as she pulls the fabric over her head, then smooths down her hair, pushing some strands behind both ears.

 He nods. “Shoulder and knee hurt. But what else is new?”

 “They're getting worse?”

 “Feels like it some days. Other days, they feel great. It's what they doctor said would happen, yeah? That some days would be worse than others. That it's never going to get better. Only worse.”

 “Which is another reason the new job will be good for you. Less stress on your body. You've already had a shoulder and a knee replaced and you're only forty.”

 “Some days I feel like I'm eighty,” he sighs, and shrugs into a simple black, short sleeve button down shirt.

 She climbs out of bed and stands in front of him, gently pushing his hands away, tending to the buttons on his shirt. She needs this moment, the intimacy with him that extends beyond sex.  And she can feel him watching her, his eyes burning into the top of her head as her fingers work slowly and diligently.

 “I hate this,” she says, as she finishes the last button and then uses her palms to smooth out the wrinkles in the fabric.  “I hate this so much.”

 “So do I.”

 Her hands move over her chest and up onto his shoulders, tears in her eyes as she looks up at him.

 Tyler gives a small smile, peck her lips, then takes her face in his hands and places a kiss on her forehead. She doesn't have to say the words,

all the worry and the fear as plain as day on her face and in her eyes. “I know,” he says. “I know.”

 She stands on her tip toes and curls her arms around his neck. And he places one hand on the small of her back and the other on the nape of her neck. Lips against her ear.

 “I'm coming home,” he promises, and he feels her shaky intake of breath, hears her loud sniffle. “I'm coming home.”

 ***

 Nik arrives at promptly nine thirty; both Michael McCann and Yaz in the backseat. The former gets out of the SUV. Helping Tyler load his things into the back before embracing Esme, enveloping her in a warm, comforting hug.

 “You be safe,” she says, pecking his check. “Stay away from the bars. And the underage girls.”

 “You just have to go and ruin all my fun,” he lightly complains, and then pecks her cheek before drawing away and clapping Tyler on the shoulder. “Take your time,” he says, and then slips back into the SUV, shutting the door behind him.

 “I don't trust him,” Esme announces, as McCann gives her a soft smile. “Something doesn't feel right.”

 “You're just on edge,” Tyler says, his hands shoved in his pockets. He hates goodbyes. They're always so awkward; even with her, even after five years of marriage and four kids. He never knows what to say. Or do. There's no words that will make things easier on her. Nothing he can do that will make the worry and the paranoia dissipate.

 “Maybe,” she sighs, and then places her hands on his hips and rests her forehead against his chest. “I really wish you weren't doing this.”

 Hr runs his hands over her shoulders and down to the small of her back. Eyes closing as he rests his chin on the top of his head. Every time he leaves it breaks him in two; one part dedicated to holding up his responsibilities to the job, the other wanting desperately to just stay there with her.

 “Watch your back,” she says. “I just don't trust him. And you shouldn't either.”

 One hand remains on the small of her back, the other he moves up to the nape of her neck. Fingers gently squeezing and kneading the tight muscles. “It's going to be okay,” he assures her, and when she tilts her head back to look at him, he presses his lips to her forehead.

 “I'll miss you,” her voice is shaky, tears threatening one again.

 “I'll miss you too. I'll call when I get checked in. So you know I got there safe and sound, okay?”

 She nods.

 He tangles his fingers in her hair and kisses her. The hand on her back drawing her tightly into him. And she perches herself up on her tip toes as she returns the kiss with everything she has; fists clutching at the front of his shirt. When the kiss ends, he nuzzles her temple, eyes closed once more as he breathes in that soft, familiar scent that clings to her hair.

“I love you,” he whispers.

 “I love you too,” she turns her face into his, pecking the corner of his mouth. “Be safe.”

 “I will,” he promises, and his hand slips from the back of her neck, travelling down her arm, taking her hand in his and tightly squeezing as he takes a step back, offering a small smile and a wink.

 She offers a weak smile of her own, then reaches up to brush his hair out of his eyes.

 “Bye,” he leans in to kiss her once last time.

 She manages a choked out 'bye' of her own, then watches helplessly as he walks around the front of the SUV, opening the door and then pausing before climbing in.

 “Hey,” he calls. “I'll see you when I see you.”

 Her smile is a little brighter now. It's the same thing he says to her every time he walks out the front door for a job.

 “Yeah,” she says. “You will.”

[give-seconds]

I Loved You

Key: Kuya is the Tagalog (what they speak in the Philippines) word for hyung, but instead of going after the name it goes before the name.

No warnings!

 ---Part II

When Jeno wakes up, you’re already gone. As he stares up at the ceiling, all of last nights emotions come back to him. Mostly just the guilt. He sighs and rubs his hands over his face, he misses waking up without the crushing weight. But he can’t tell you, because that means he really is gay. Because that means he’s different. Because that means you’ll leave him.

And then the urge to cry is back again, why can’t this all just stop?

“Jeno-yah?” 

 The voice takes a few seconds to register in Jeno’s mind before he sighs and sits up “You can come in Ten.” 

Ten cracks the door open and pokes his head in “There’s English pancakes in the microwave for us from y/n, they’re chocolate chip.” 

Jeno tilts his head “English pancakes?” 

Ten gasps and he pushes the door fully open “You’ve never had her pancakes? My dude you’re missing out, get up.” 

Jeno rolls his eyes and pushes off the blankets. He makes his way out of the room and as he passes Ten he smiles “You know for someone who has barely talked to me, you’re awfully pushy.”

Ten grins at him as they make their way to the kitchen “Must be my broken Korean.”

Jeno snorts and sits down at the table, tracking Ten as he starts the microwave “What broken Korean? You seem to understand me pretty well.”

Ten turns around and squints his eyes “Sorry, I don’t speak Korean well.”

“Jerk.”

Jeno watches Ten as he smirks and turns his attention back to the microwave. Ten had probably just woken up, much like Jeno himself, but he looked amazing. He had never actually gotten the chance to really look at Ten, everything had felt like too much every time they had had the chance to talk. But Ten was as beautiful as he was smart, and if Jeno has learned anything about Ten it is that the man is smart. 

And suddenly he feels his heart rate pick up and he averts his eyes to the table. What’s wrong with him? Here he is, an engaged man falling out of love and now he’s checking out your best friend? He feels sick.

“Lee Jeno are you ready to taste one of the best comfort foods around?” Ten says interrupting his thoughts as he slides a plate in front of him.

“As ready as I'll ever be,” Jeno whispers picking up his knife and fork and cuts a piece off. Ten watches him closely, waiting for the reaction he knows is coming.

“And how is it?” Ten asks after Jeno had successfully taken a bite.

“It’s good, but why call it comfort food?”

“Her mom used to make these for her when she was little, and she made it for me when I had my own little meltdown,” Ten explains cutting into his own pancake.

Jeno nods his head, eyes never leaving his plate “Thanks for the ice cream by the way, it was definitely nice to watch a movie and snack.”

Ten glances up at him “Are you okay? I mean I know I’m just a random guy sleeping in your home but sometimes it’s easier talking to someone you don’t know. And obviously I’m not gonna make you talk to me, but it’s always an option. I should probably stop talking now.” He mumbles and stuffs another piece of pancake into his mouth. 

Jeno smiles, finally looking up at Ten. Ten reminds him a lot of you “I’m just figuring some stuff out about myself, and last night was a bit much. Because I know what I have to do to feel better, but I don’t know if this kind of hurt is better than the hurt that will come as a result of me getting better. You know?”

“Is the hurt of getting better to you or someone else?”

“Both I guess, but more for the other person.”

Ten nods, brain working to offer some decent advice “I don’t know where my place is and when I’m overstepping, but if this thing is causing you so much distress you should try to fix it. Even if it causes hurt for someone else, at least you’re offering the truth. And from there, you can only move forward.”

“You’re right, I should do this. It’ll be better for everyone in the end.”

Jeno feels dead, he’s so emotionally drained that a part of him just wants to get this over with so he can feel better. He chuckles, you can always count on the human mind to be selfish huh.

Ten smiles “Then let today be a day of healing for Lee Jeno.” 

~~

You sigh as you sit down with Park Jisung, one of the kids you’re in charge of, at a cafe near his current home, “Jisung-ah what happened?”

“I can’t stay there y/n,” he mumbles looking down at his lap

“Did they hurt you? Answer honestly Jisung, I’m here to help”

He shakes his head, eyes flicking up to meet yours before dropping back to his lap “When you’re a foster kid for long enough you learn a few things, one of which is you learn pretty quickly how to tell when a family cares. They only took me in for the money y/n. And it makes you feel like an object when you live like that, it’s too much. I can’t go back, please y/n. I can’t go back to that feeling, it’s too much too-”        

Your heart breaks as you hear the 16 year old boy in front of you struggle to maintain his composure. Jisung was your first case and you have been there for him since you transferred him out of his first foster home last year, and with this being his 5th home you had gotten to know him quite well. “Jisung-ah look at me.”

He takes a deep breath as he mentally prepares himself to be told that you’re going to relocate him. No matter how many times he hears it, there’s always this sinking feeling as he’s reminded he doesn’t belong anywhere.

“I applied to be a foster parent 5 months ago, and it takes about 3 mounts to become legal. Now it might be a long shot, but what if I transfer your file over to Taeil? And then he can place you in my care if that’s something you’re willing to consider.”

His eyes widen at the possibility “Are you serious?”

You nod your head, “I have no idea how long this will take, but it should be okay. I mean I am a foster parent who is getting married and has a stable income. The transfer should only take a day and as you know placing you with the family doesn’t take long at all. So the longest I think it will take is a day.”

“Y/n if you can do this I will be the best kid, I promise to be respectful of you and your fiancé and the rules of the house. I will do whatever you need me to do and I’ll try not to complain-”

“Jisung” you interrupt laughing “I know you and I know you will be a joy to have around the house. I only ask that you go back to your old foster home for the time being until I am able to get the paperwork all done okay?”

He nods his head “I can do that, I can totally do that.”

You smile and dig around in your purse for your card “Here, go buy me a hot chocolate and buy yourself something.”

He accepts the card with a determined look and nods his head. You smile at him as he walks over to the counter, pulling at the sleeves of his sweater. If you’re being honest, this isn’t the first time you’ve considered fostering the kid. He was such a sweet kid when you met him, and despite the trauma of his past he has remained sweet. He looks at you smiling triumphantly after he succeeds in making the order, so you give him a thumbs up.

“Oh right” you mumble to yourself grabbing your phone and opening your contacts. You and Taeil aren’t very close outside of work, but at work it was you two ‘outsiders’ against all the native Seoul born works. Taeil is fully Korean yes, but his family had moved to the Philippines for his dad's work when he was young and he lived there until he came back to Korea for college. You press the call button and hold the phone up to your ear.

“Hello?”

“Kuya, I have a proposition for you.”

“Oh? I don’t know if I like that coming from you, but I’ll bite. What is it?” he asks, amusement lacing his voice.

“So I was wondering if you could take Jisung’s case from me-”

“Why? What happened? He hasn’t changed too much since the last time you saw him has he? If he’s a total jerk just say the word and I will personally come down there and-”

“I don’t even want to hear the end of that sentence” you say laughing “and no, he is not a jerk now. I was thinking I could become his foster parent, I mean that is if you take his case from me and decide Jeno and I are a fit home for him. But Kuya I have to do something to make sure this kid gets a good home, you should’ve heard him when he was telling me about his current home. He sounded so broken.”

“Y/n I know you, you would make a great mother. Especially to a kid like Jisung.”

You smile and look over to the kid in question who was grabbing the drinks. He even held a paper bag that probably held something sweet inside “Thank you Kuya, thank you so much.”

“I mean we are social workers to help kids right? Send me the flies and I’ll start on it right away, I think I can even get him to come home with you today if I work fast enough.”  

“Oh my god really?” You look up at Jisung with wide eyes and he mouths a ‘what’ at you as he settles back into his seat.

Taeil chuckles “Yeah, I’m willing to work while I eat and complete the process that is needed to transfer a case. And if you do the same we can finish this fast and get him home with you.”

“Kuya Taeil you are the absolute best, I cannot believe that you are willing to do this for me. I love you, you are the best co-worker a girl could ask for. Okay, I’ll go finish my half of the paperwork and send it your way.” Jisungs eyes widen as he finally realizes what you were talking about.

“I know, I’m the best no need to remind me. Text me when you’re done and I’ll get started.”

“Okay, I can do that. I owe you a thousand Oreos.”

“Damn right you do, okay I am leaving now. Goodbye.”

You laugh at his usual abrupt ending “Goodbye.”

“Was that Taeil-hyung? What did he want, did he say he’d take my case?”

“Yes he did Jisung, he even said that we might be able to get you to come home with me today! You could meet my best friend Ten, he’s an incredible dancer like you. He could teach you so so much!” you say bouncing slightly in your chair.

He grins “Thank you for even offering to take me in, you didn’t have to do that.”

You shrug “I come from an adoption family, my two brothers are adopted. And it’s a totally cliché thing to say but you remind me of my German brother. He’s such a sweet kid, but when we first got to know him he was really lonely? I don’t know if that’s the right word, but he just needed a family to love him. And I think you’ll fit in well with me and Jeno, you’re even old enough to be my brother. So if you stay with me for long enough you’ll be part of the l/n, Na, and Liu household.”

“That sounds like a mouth full. Now before we forget here is your hot chocolate, I bought us some cake to share,” he says as he passes you the drink “However, before I am going to give you any of this cake you need to finish that transfer paper work.”

You raise an eyebrow at him “You know what this is Park? This is blackmail. You and YangYang are going to get along so well if this is how you are.”

“The faster you get this done the faster we can find out,” he says as he dramatically sips at his hot chocolate.

“I paid for that cake” you grumble as you pull out your laptop.

“Can I use your phone for TV?”

“You do this every time Park, why can’t you read a book?” Your eyes grow wide as the realization sets in “Hey wait a minute, why aren’t you in school?”

He sheepishly smiles at you “Don’t worry about it, the school thinks I’m sick. Now, your phone?”

“As long as it isn’t my problem,” you say as you open your phone. You see a text from Jeno saying a ‘thank you’ and ‘I need to tell you something about last night.’  You send a text back telling him you might come home with a surprise before handing your phone over to Jisung.

~~

“I am going to scream if I have to stay here another minute,” Jisung complains from the chair in front of your desk.

“You’re fine you big baby, I even stopped by your school and got you your missed work.”

“And I finished that, why do you think I’m so bored?”

“You know maybe I should enforce the whole noona thing, maybe then you’ll treat me with respect you brat.”

“Whatever you say Noona.”

“It’s not too late to-”

“I pray for Jeno simply because he has to live with you y/n, ” Taeil says shaking his head as he comes into your office holding a file.

“I’m telling you, he’s like a mix of YangYang and Jaemin in the worst possible way. I get zero respect,” you whine leaning back into your chair, abandoning the documents in front of you.

“Didn’t you tell him he didn’t have to call you noona?” Taeil asks leaning against the wall.

You groan and throw your head over the back of your chair “You know what? Jisung for now and forever I am your noona, respect me.”

“Thanks but no thanks.”

“This is a conspiracy, Kuya help me.”

Taeil smiles and walks over to hand you the file “Sorry kid, no can do. But I can congratulate you on the new foster kid.”  

“Oh my god wait, really,” you exclaim standing up to flip through the papers, Jisung stands up so he can watch you closely.

Taeil turns to Jisung and slings his arm around the kid “Good luck, from the stories I’ve heard she and her family are quite the handful.”

“Kuya Taeil I didn’t think you’d actually get everything done today. I was just about to take him back, have you called the family?”

He nods his head and removes his arm from around Jisung to find a specific sheet “All that is left for you to sign this.”

You quickly grab a pen off your desk and sign it, eyes scanning over the document “Well Park, looks like you’re at my mercy now.”

“Seriously?” 

“Yep, I told the family that you would be by tomorrow to get your things. I’ll go with you as your new worker, so maybe I can pick you up after school?”

Jisung smiles, nodding his head intensely “Thank you so much Hyung, you don’t know how much this means to me. I feel like I can breathe again,” he bows to Taeil, who is beyond happy to see the teen smile. He might have only become his case worker today, but he had seen him from the times he came to see you. He would always notice the kid walking with his head down.

“Well it’s 5:50 and I think it is safe to say that y/n and I have worked enough for today. Y/n, I say you take your new foster kid home and introduce him to your fiancé. Goodnight my peeps.”

“Good night Hyung.”

“Good night Kuya.” you both say as you bow to the elder as as a last ‘thank you.’

There's a silence between you two once Taeil leaves as you both process the information.

“So” Jisung starts “Ready to go home Noona?”

“Yeah, totally! I’m excited to introduce you to Jeno and Ten.”

~~

“Je, Ten, we’re home!”

“We?” Jeno asks sticking his head out from the kitchen, and upon seeing another boy staring at him he moves to stand fully in the hallway.

As soon as Jeno meets Jisungs waiting eyes, Jisung hurriedly bows.

Jeno bows back, confused look adorning his face. You smile at how cute Jisung acts when he’s worried and walk down the hall towards the guest room, Jisung trailing behind you.

“I’ll introduce you two once Ten is here, that way I only have to do this once. I’m a little lazy like that.”

Once your party of people reach the room, you knock on the door “Ten get your lazy self out here and meet my kid.”

“What do you mean kid, you’re too cheap for that.”

You sigh and the other two look at you in confusion “I’m not cheap am I Jeno?”

“Yes, you very much are.” he replies. Jisung laughs and you glare at him.  

“Everyone is out to get me,” you mumble as you turn around to make your way to the living room once you hear Ten’s door open.

“Okay sit,” you demand as you pull Jisung onto the couch next to you.

“Sit where? You and your friend stole the seats.” Ten complains.

Jisung stands to offer his seat but you pull him back down “Are you trying to kick this poor 16 year old off of a couch when you, a 25 year old man, are only a guest in my home?”

“Noona I really don’t mind sitting somewhere else or standing to let one of them sit.” Jisung adds quietly.

“Look what you did Ten, now he feels bad. You don’t need to feel bad Jisung, Ten just has a lot of irrational anger in his very tiny body.”

“Hey, I’ll have you know-”

“Oh shut up, you two are impossible. Just sit, you know you can’t beat her Ten,” Jeno says grabbing Ten’s wrist and pulling him down onto the ground with him.

“Much better. Now let me introduce you all,” clearing your throat you turn to Jisung “Jisung this is Ten. Ten is my friend from university, he’s also Thai so if you can’t understand him it’s because his accent is too strong and you should just ignore him.”

“From what I’ve noticed Ten-ssi has very good Korean,” Jisung comments bowing his head in greeting towards Ten.

“What even was that? You have never attacked my Korean like that before.” Ten scoffs bowing his head back.

“See, impossible to understand. Moving on,” you say dismissing Ten “This is Jeno, my lovely fiancé.”

“Pleasure to meet you Jeno-ssi, I’ve heard a lot about you from y/n” Jisung says bowing his head.

Jeno eyes you but you ignore him and continue “Anyways as you both know, I’m a social worker. And I know you know this Jeno, but Ten I am also a foster parent as of a few months ago. So I want you both to meet Park Jisung, my new foster kid!”

There is a silence among you four and Jisung nervously pulls the sleeves of his jacket over his hands as he waits to hear something

“Well kid, looks like me and you are crashing this place. We’ll make it a time they won’t forget.” Ten says raising his hand for a high five.

Your eyes drift over to Jeno who was just looking at the wall behind you “Jeno, I know I didn’t talk to you about this but it was happening so fast. And Jisung and I have known each other since I started working as a social worker, he was my first case.”

“Jeno-ssi if you’re mad at anyone be mad at me. I called her to complain about my current home and she offered to take me in, I probably should’ve opposed. I just couldn’t go back to that house, it felt so wrong. And you might not understand what it’s like to be looked at like an object that’s only good for money but it feels so wrong. I’m so so-”

“Jisung-ah,” Jeno interrupts smiling softly at the boy “of course I don’t mind you staying here.Y/n has always talked about how much she wants to help people, and this is her way of going the extra step. I know not to get in her way.”

You wrap your arm around Jisung and squeeze him gently. Jisung smiles and bows his head once again “Thank you for taking me into your home.”

“Okay great! So room rearrangement, Ten you’re on the couch. Jisung let me steal some of Je’s clothes so you can have something to change into until we get your things tomorrow.”    

“Hey wait-” Ten says starting to protest.

“He who does not possess any Korean genetics shall not speak,” you say cutting him off as you stand up.

“You know I am starting to miss being away from you.” 

“Silence peasant,” and with your final statement you make your way to the guest room to strip the sheets and get some clothes for Jisung to sleep in. 

Jisung snorts “Is y/n noona always this mean?” 

“Just you wait kid, she’ll turn on you too. She always turns,” Ten says shaking his head and getting up to sit on the couch. 

“Oh I know, the closer we’ve gotten the more teasing she has gotten. But I’ve learned how to handle her” Jisung responds quietly. 

Jeno takes a seat next to Jisung, leaving enough room between them so as not to make him uncomfortable “This is your home now, no need to be so polite. Loosen up, I’d like to think I’m a pretty cool hyung. Now I’ve only just met Ten, but he is a lot like y/n so you know he’ll be fun.” 

“So I can call you guys hyung?” Jisung asks shyly, looking up at him with puppy eyes. Jeno smiles, he can instantly see why you couldn’t resist taking him in. 

“Of course kid, in case you haven't noticed we’re not very proper here,” Ten says slinging his arm around Jisung and pulling him into his side.

Jisung smiles as he allows Ten to pull him. He has never been in a home like this in all his life, not even the one he was born into. All his other homes had either been too strict about what he could or couldn’t do or had been uncaring to the point where he could be gone until one in the morning and no one would notice. 

“Thank you so much Jeno-hyung for taking me in, you could've told Noona no. And thank you Ten-hyung for giving me the room, if the couch is too uncomfortable for you I really don’t mind sleeping there until you leave. I did come after you so it would only be fair for me to take the couch.” Jisung says to make sure he isn’t overstepping any bounds by coming to live in the house so unexpectedly. 

“Jisung-ah, despite my earlier display I don’t mind sleeping on the couch if it means you have a bed. First off you now live here, so it is only fair that you actually get a room as opposed to me who is a guest. An unexpected one at that. And second you are taller than I am and I hate to imagine you cramming your entire 6 foot something body onto this couch for however long I am staying here,” Ten says.

“You hear that Jisung? You’re fine here so stop worrying that you’re in the way, and if they think you are then I will not hesitate to beat them for you. I’m watching you two,” you ‘threaten’ glaring at Jeno and Ten as you come back into the room. 

“Sigh, I liked it better when you were gone.” 

“Did you just say sigh out loud? Ten that’s a new low, even for you,” you shake your head before focusing on Jisung “There are clean clothes on the bed and you are welcome to take a shower or whatever you desire. I’m thinking we make Ten cook something Thai, he made something amazing when we were in college. He may not look it, but the guy is actually a decent cook.” 

“Since when did I agree to this?” 

You shrug ''You didn’t, you were voluntold.” 

“Before this devolves into something worse, I will gladly make dinner for the night. To celebrate our new family member,” Jeno offers, something in his voice making him sound far away. 

You tilt your head, Jeno hates cooking. He’s decent at it and everything he makes turns out good, but he always complains that it takes too long to prepare. The only times you can remember him cooking is when he proposed to you and when Jaemin came back from England.

“I’m down for that if it means it isn’t me who has to do it,” Ten says snapping you back to the conversation.

“Uh yeah, that’ll be fun. I haven’t had your food in forever Je, thanks for offering,” shaking your head to clear your thoughts you look over at Jeno to offer him a smile only find him staring at you. As soon as you make eye contact with him, however, he averts his eyes to the ground. 

You hear him sigh as he stands up, a hollow smile gracing his face “Well then I’m going to go scour the fridge and see what we have to make a decent meal with.” 

“Do you want any help Hyung?” Jisung asks politely.

 “I think I’ll be okay, but thank you for the offer Jisung,” his eyes flick over to you before looking back to Jisung and adding “I’m really glad you’re here.” 

Your stomach drops and you get this awful feeling as you watch him walk to the kitchen. What the hell does that mean? He even said that he wants to talk to me today, maybe he’s unhappy about how fast things are moving. And I just brought Jisung home, what if that tipped him over the edge? But that was after he sent me the text, he couldn’t have known about this. Unless Kuya told him about it beforehand. He doesn’t have Jeno’s-

“Noona” Jisung says placing a hand on your shoulder. When did he stand up? “Can I go take a shower?” 

“Sorry, what?” You ask, shaking your head. It’s suddenly very hard to understand Korean. 

Ten glances at you before laughing “She must be having one of those ‘any language that isn’t my native language is wrong because I’m too tired’ moments, believe me I get those all the time.” 

He stands up “Come on, I’ll show you where it is and you can use the stuff I’m using.” 

Ten glances back at you as he leads Jisung to the bathroom. A few seconds later and he is right back at your side. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I don’t, I don’t know,” you respond, shaking your head. 

“Well then what has you thinking so hard?” 

“It’s Jeno, I think I did something wrong. He seems off, has been for awhile now and what if in bringing home a teenager I sent him over the edge?” taking a deep breath you close your eyes. Why are you acting like this? It’s Jeno, and Jeno is safe. He’d tell me if there was something wrong. 

Ten sighs, so it was y/n he was talking about this morning “H̄ạwcı I’m sure that whatever is wrong with him will get worked out.” 

“So there is something wrong, how do you know? Did he say something to you?” you ask desperately looking to Ten for some kind of comfort. 

“I don’t know anything other than the fact that it’ll work out, trust me on this. Now, shall we see what we can find on TV?” 

You nod your head and sink further into the couch, raising your hand to bite the nail bed on your pinky. 

It’s a habit you picked up once you met Jeno. You and Jaemin used to always bite your nails when you guys got nervous, and when Jeno saw you biting your nail while trying to make a quick decision he whacked your hand. ‘You and your brother are going to ruin your nails if you keep doing that,’ he scolded once you explained it was a habit you and Jaemin shared. And after you both were scolded, Jeno dragged you and Jaemin to get your nails painted. Jaemin offered to pay, but Jeno insisted and said that if we didn’t want to waste his money then we should bite at our fingers before the nail started. 

And for awhile it worked, but once the polish started chipping you started biting again. But as you were used to biting so far down on the nail, you started biting at the nail bed instead of the edge of your nail. 

But if anyone were to ask you the moment you started to like Lee Jeno, you would tell them it was that moment. You had never met someone who cared about you enough to try and fix one of your little bad habits, and the idea that there was someone like that in the world who wasn’t family was a wonder to you. 

So when Jeno asked you to go to the movies with him because a friend had cancelled on him, you were willing to abandon your class work for the time being and meet up with him. And that night, that was the most fun you had had since you entered college. Seeing as you were halfway through your sophomore year at the time, that's got to be saying something. And when Jeno, the same Lee Jeno who seemed to be invading your thoughts whenever possible, handed you a single flower for your birthday and shyly asked you to be his girlfriend, you thought it safe to say you had found your new favourite birthday gift. 

When Jaemin said he was going to finish school in England, you and Jeno had been together for two years. Yet part of you still expected him to leave you once Jaemin left. But after you dropped Jaemin off at the airport, he showed up at the apartment you used to share with Jaemin with snacks. You guys made a fort out of blankets before you forced him to watch your favourite crime shows. That night, just like when you had first met Jeno, you felt so cared for. You were reminded that someone cared about you and loved you for you. 

“Hey Noona,” Jisung asks, his voice pulling you out of your memories “can I join?” 

You smile and scoot closer to Ten in order to make room for Jisung “Absolutely, come here you limp noodle.”

“What do you mean limp noodle? I’m stronger than you will ever be,” Jisung mumbles. 

“Jisung you really shouldn’t pick up on Ten’s accent, makes you impossible to understand,” you respond shaking your head as he sits next to you. 

“And there it is, wouldn’t be y/n l/n without insulting me,” Ten says sighing. He glances at you once Jisung was settled. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about you. He has no idea what Jeno is going to tell you and why it will hurt, he just knows that you’re going to be hurt and there’s nothing he can do about it. 

So he does the one thing he can, he scoots closer to you. He scoots close enough to feel you on his left side, and tries to send you all the love he has for you in hopes that you’ll feel even the slightest amount of it. Because if there’s one thing he’s learned, it’s that he has a whole lot of love for you.  

----

And here’s the second part! This is the first chapter I’m posting without help (although I did receive help on a paragraph from @bunny-doyounq), so I hope the writing style isn’t all over the place. Hope you enjoy, I would love to know what you guys think of it! 

Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Taglist:  @jnctzen         

Part 1 | Part 3

Summery: Your fiancé starts acting different once your brother comes back to Korea after working for a year in England.