#someone has PROBABLY already done this but *i* had ‘t yet and *I* wanted to. so!

[solar-eclipsed]

And no one in the crowd is surprised!!!

[p0orbaby]

I’d Rather Go Blind Than Let You Down

summary: the baby is here, that should calm leah down, right? right?

warnings: hospital setting

a/n: someone asked for some more panicky leah so here it is. first part here but you don’t need to read it if you don’t want to

word count: 1.3k

-

It’s a boy. A boy. Your boy. You can hardly wrap your head around it, the reality of him. He’s only been in the world for forty minutes, and already it feels like he’s upended every law of physics. Six pounds and change, but impossibly heavy in the way he roots you to the earth, demanding you stay present, stay still, stay here. His hair is a downy mess of dark brown fluff, sticking up in little uneven tufts that remind you of how Leah’s fringe used to look after her under-12s matches: matted and wild, all effort and energy. His hands—God, his hands—are the size of fifty-pence pieces, delicate and wrinkled, each finger curled tightly into its own little fist. He’s perfect. Absolutely, inexplicably perfect. And you’re completely terrified.

The hospital room smells like cheap soap and distant disinfectant, undercut by the faint, sticky sweetness of some long-spilled juice no one bothered to properly clean. It’s a symphony of beige: beige walls, beige curtains, beige linoleum. Even the bed looks beige, although it’s probably just worn white, like an old t-shirt washed too many times. Somewhere in the hallway, someone’s shoes squeak with rhythmic persistence, and you vaguely wonder if they’re pacing, as you had earlier, wearing an accidental track into the polished floor.

Leah is sitting in the uncomfortable armchair by the bed, which is upholstered in that scratchy material designed to withstand decades of spills and bad decisions. Her elbows rest on her knees, her fingers steepled against her lips in a half-prayer, half-facepalm, as if she’s mid-negotiation with some higher power. She hasn’t spoken much since the baby was born. Not because she doesn’t want to, you think, but because the enormity of it all has rendered her mute. She looks pale, unsteady, as if someone has shaken her up like a bottle of fizzy water and forgotten to twist the cap back on properly.

The baby makes a soft, snuffling noise against your chest, pulling her attention like a magnet. Her gaze darts to him and then flicks away just as quickly, as if looking directly at him for too long might somehow blind her. She hasn’t held him yet. She hasn’t even really touched him, save for one trembling fingertip brushed against his impossibly tiny foot when the midwife first handed him to you. It wasn’t avoidance, not exactly. More like reverence. Or fear. Maybe both.

You’re exhausted in a way that doesn’t feel real, like your body’s moving on autopilot while your brain drifts somewhere between sleep and shock. Your limbs are heavy, molten, but there’s also an odd lightness to you, a weightless, dizzying awe at what you’ve just done. You gave birth. You. You. Somehow, you survived it—hours of pain, pushing, panting, the raw animalistic chaos of it—and now you’re here, holding this impossibly small, impossibly fragile life in your arms. You’re not sure how you’re even still upright, let alone conscious.

“Do you want to hold him?” you ask, your voice soft, careful, as if you’re coaxing a wild animal out of the brush.

Leah’s head snaps up, her eyes wide and glassy, like a deer caught in headlights. “Hold him?” she echoes, her voice shaky and high-pitched. “Me?

“Yes, you. Who else?”

She blinks, her hands flexing and unflexing against her knees like they’re warming up for a solo on Britain’s Got Talent. “I… I don’t know if that’s a good idea”

“Leah, he’s your son”

“I know,” she says quickly, her voice climbing into that higher, defensive register that comes out when she’s trying to convince herself more than you. “I know he’s my son. But he’s just so… small. And… fragile. What if I—”

“You’re not going to drop him”

“I might!” she says, alarmed by her own hypothetical. “I might drop him. Or…or hold him wrong. What if I hold him wrong and, like, dislocate something? Babies are delicate! Like…like soufflés”

You blink at her. “Did you just compare our child to a soufflé?”

She shrugs helplessly. “I don’t know! I’m just saying, I’m not exactly… maternal, am I? I’m not one of those people who looks at a baby and just… knows what to do. I’m more of a… ‘panic and Google it’ kind of person”

“That’s fine,” you say, adjusting the baby slightly in your arms as he makes a soft, snuffling noise. “Most parents are ‘panic and Google it’ people. It’s basically the default”

Leah doesn’t look convinced. She’s rubbing her hands together now, the way she does before a big match, but this isn’t a match. There’s no referee, no whistle, no rules, no second leg if she screws this up. Her gaze darts back to the baby, then to you, then back to the baby, like she’s trying to memorise the mechanics of holding him without actually doing it.

“What if I’m terrible at this?” she blurts out suddenly, the words spilling out of her in a rush. “What if I’m a terrible mum and he grows up hating me and we end up one of those families where no one talks and we all just sit around at Christmas in complete silence, eating dry turkey and resenting each other?”

You stare at her. “That’s… a very specific fear”

She shrugs, her leg bouncing up and down anxiously. “I’ve seen it happen”

“Leah, you’re not going to be a terrible mum”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know you. And you love him. That’s pretty much the most important part”

She frowns, her brow furrowed like she’s still not quite buying it. “Love’s not enough. Love doesn’t teach you how to… to… change nappies or… or know what all the different cries mean”

“Love doesn’t teach you that,” you agree, “but practice does. And you’ll get there. We both will”

Leah’s eyes flick back to the baby, who has now fallen into a soft, twitchy sleep against your chest. Her expression softens slightly, but the fear is still there, a tightness around her mouth, a tension in her shoulders.

“What if he doesn’t like me?” she asks quietly.

You laugh, soft and disbelieving. “He’s a newborn, Leah. His likes and dislikes are limited to ‘milk’ and ‘not-milk.’ He’s not going to sit there judging your personality”

She doesn’t laugh. If anything, she looks even more stricken, like she’s just realised she might have to win over this tiny person who doesn’t even have fully developed motor skills yet.

You sigh, reaching out to take her hand. “Leah, listen to me. You’re not going to drop him. You’re not going to dislocate anything. And you’re definitely not going to ruin Christmas twenty years from now. You’re going to be great. I promise”

She hesitates, her fingers curling slightly around yours. “What if I mess up?”

“You will,” you say simply. “We both will. That’s part of it. But messing up doesn’t mean failing. It just means you’re trying”

For a moment, she just looks at you, her eyes searching yours for something—reassurance, absolution, a manual for parenthood that doesn’t exist. Then, slowly, she nods. It’s not a confident nod, not by any stretch, but it’s a start.

“Okay,” she says quietly. “I’ll try.”

You smile, holding out the baby toward her. “Then take him”

She hesitates for one last second before leaning forward, her hands trembling slightly as she takes the baby from you. She holds him like he’s made of glass, her arms stiff and awkward, but she’s holding him. She’s doing it.

And then the baby lets out a tiny, contented sigh, and Leah freezes, staring down at him like she’s just witnessed a miracle.

“He…he’s so… little,” she whispers, her voice filled with something like awe. “And warm. Why’s he so warm?”

“Because he’s a baby, not a lizard”

Leah lets out a soft, breathless laugh, her eyes never leaving the baby’s face. For the first time all night, she looks calm. Not completely, but enough. Enough to believe, maybe just for a moment, that she can do this.

That you can do this. Together.

[allfearstofallto]

may i ask for scara for B, G, H, Q, T ? :0

(no pressure 🎀)

-🫧anon

ALL THE PRESSURE BESTIE! I ALREADY HAD A COUPLE OF THESE WRITTEN, CAUSE GUESS WHAT?? IM A SIMP!!

Anyways, thanks for the request, bubbles!! I threw in a couple extra (the ones I wrote already) just to thank you (no other reason).

TW: mentions of self harm (very slight, I promise)

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Willing and able, Scaramouche can and has killed for you. Once out of protection and the other time as a warning. Blood on his hands means nothing to him and to him, any human life except for yours, is expendable.

The way you look at him after does make him falter a little, there's a genuine fear in your eyes. It's a visceral look that only those truly afraid of death can show, and thus he did choose not to commit such acts in front of you anymore, but that doesn't mean they don't happen.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

His heart is a closed lock box that will probably never be opened. Vulnerability is a weakness and he refuses to be weak, especially around you, who will use anything to your advantage to get away.

But there are times where his walls will fall. Times when he's not the balladeer, or number six, or even Scaramouche. There are times when he's just a scared, confused puppet.

He's only shed tears in front of you once. In the dead of night, his voice was soft. You asked him, not as a captive, but as a person, “why are you doing this to me?” And his response was a single tear, a moment of weakness, a moment where he lost himself.

That tear was wiped away as quickly as it fell and he was back to his usual demeanor, cursing himself for such shortcomings.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

While he hates to admit it, his love is anything but a game. To him, this is blatantly serious, and any attempt to escape is an attack against him personally.

Your escape attempts aren't cute, nor are they funny. He's done all of this for you, yet you don't want it? You don't want him? It's not fun having to drag you back after you try to get away, but the sight of you begging to him on your knees for forgiveness, that was exciting.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

The day he took you, was the worst day of your life. The day you met him was the day you ruined your life, but the day he took you was the day your life truly ended.

You still had nightmares about that day, waking up in a cold sweat and having to look at the reason for all your fears. He slept peacefully while your chest heaved and sweat dripped down your face.

The doors to your home, the windows, any place that a person could get in, someone forced their way through. Your house was swarmed with armed Fatui guards,all of them big, strong, and holding weapons. Fighting back was barely an option against Scaramouche, even with a vision, but against all of them together, you knew you stood no chance.

Grabbed and pulled out of your door, you kicked, screamed, begged, and cried. Anything you could think of as they dragged you to a carriage. His carriage. Where he sat waiting for you, a nonchalant look on his face.

If you knew that that'd be the last time you'd seen your home, you would've looked at it harder.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

The only thing that would ever keep you away from Scaramouche is death itself, but even the solace of that is one that you won't be able to enjoy.

When he takes you, you are his and his alone. He won't allow you to run away or even harm yourself. He views you as something he owns and treasures, hurting it would be hurting something that he loves.

If you do manage to get away, what a smart, but stupid thing you are. There is nowhere he won't find you and nowhere he isn't willing to go to get you back. You'd never be safe for a second, running to the ends of the earth. Life would be constantly looking over your shoulder and lacking trust in anything and everyone. It would make you ask if leaving was even worth it? If what you were doing now, constantly on the run, was even living?

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Tears are a sign of weakness, he knows that best. Maybe that's why he takes pity on you when you cry. His harsh exterior can be melted slightly by your little sobs and begging, but that doesn't mean you'll get your way. But even you have noticed that his punishments are a bit softer when you've cried and his touch becomes oh so much gentler.

Slinking away from his touch does cause a pain in his chest though. Knowing that you despise him so much, you don't even want him near you anymore. These are quick ways to get him to calm down slightly, a type of reaction that lightens the blow of his usual attitude.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

You are a smart thing, aren't you? You'll learn eventually. Compliance is his biggest weakness, you doing and acting as you're told actually makes him trust you. It takes time of course, but act right for long enough and suddenly he's less irritable and more complacent with you as well.

The straw that really breaks the camel's back is begging. Scaramouche needs you, he won't say it, but he does, and he wants you to need him too. Say that he's the only one who can do something for you, and suddenly he's practically putty in your hands. Beg sweetly enough and that hard exterior will crumble. All it takes is a saccharine spoken, “Please, my lord."

[shxxxbi]

EVERYTHING THAT WASN'T INCLUDED IN LOVE SEA THE SERIES 🌊

Episode 4 (Chapters: 12 - 14)

<-prev

Breaking a promise

Rak felt like shit here. He had called Mook to extend his stay but his secretary had refused sternly; so after Mut spent two nights pleading for him to stay, Rak tried to find an excuse to keep his promise. He considered telling his secretary that the manuscript wasn't finished, that he needed more time, even considered telling her all the boats had sunk and it was impossible for him to go back to the mainland. But in the end, he had no choice but to admit defeat. He felt terrible for breaking his promise to Mut, meanwhile the younger boy appeared almost unfazed. His face was "just the usual, totally normal one, with the usual smile and the same look. Not a hint of regret."

"If he didn't care, then why would I?"

So Rak picked up his phone and transfered Mut the money for "his services". Now more than ever, Tongrak was convinced that all that had happened between them was just sex. Mut sold his service and Rak had bought it. Nothing he hadn't already done before with other people...

...yet, Rak had "never felt this hollow"

How much would it cost for you to go to Bangkok with me?

That hollow feeling in Rak's chest kept expanding. Memories of the time spent together with Mut flashed through his mind until a sudden warmth urged him to move. Tongrak was confident in his decision, in asking Mut to go with him. However, he still insisted that what he was feeling was not love. That it was just personal pleasure. And if he could afford it, what was the problem?

"The guy sold his service anyway. Right?"

WHAT!!!??

She didn't like this man at all. That's what Mook kept telling herself when she saw the man her boss had brought back with him. He made her feel "as tiny as an ant". Mook had screamed so loud upon hearing what Rak had done, that the airport staff almost came over to ask what was wrong.

"Brought back, as in purchasing?! Are people buying and selling men now?!"

I don't trust you

Mook wanted to back down the moment she met eyes with Mut. She wasn't familiar with men at all, the only men she was close with were her family members and Rak. Mut intimidated her, with his big body and his dark and scary face, so much so it made her want to cry. But no one could be trusted this days, what if this man assaulted Rak? What if he stabbed her boss with a knife in his sleep?

"She had to protect Rak!"

Mut, on the other hand, found her amusing. She was so small, he could "probably blow her away with a puff". But he was never one to bully someone weaker, so he turned to Rak.

"What should i do? If I show respect, she won't back down. But if you tell me to handle her, this little lady won't stand a chance."

Little Trivia: Rak's house

Contrary to the show, Rak's house is on the 27th floor of a very luxurious condo complex in the heart of Bangkok. It has 3 bedrooms, with the main one featuring a large wall window that offered a wonderful view of the bustling streets below. As for the other two bedrooms, one is a guest bedroom and the other one a study crammed with books. As for the kitchen, it is entirely made of Italian marble and has, basically, never been used.

Bro, are you crazy?!

This phone call actually happens after Rak and Mook have already set off to work. Mook had been waiting outside the door to Rak's house as soon as the sun was up, too terrified to enter on her own and find the two men fucking in the living room, so she waited for Mut to let her in. After the secretary and her boss had left, Mut gets a call from Palm. The younger boy kept shouting and calling him crazy, but Mut knew very well what he was doing. Many people would describe him as very mature for his age, but Mut knew he still tended to act childish at times. Just like he had done now. Following a man to the mainland with no plan whatsoever, simply because he was unwilling to let him go. Mahasamut knew that their paths would most likely never cross again, this was the only opportunity he had to keep Tongrak close. And he would not let it go.

Little Trivia pt.2: Mahasamut's age

Mut's age is never explicitly confirmed in the novel, however thanks to Khom we can figure it out. In "Love Sand", the story of Khom and Connor meeting and falling in love takes place when Khom is 19 years old. Many characters of Love Sea appear as side characters, including Palm and Mut. Palm is described as a boy around 17 years old, while Mut is "a few years older than him and around Khom's age". Fast forward to Love Sea (that chronologically takes place a while after the events of Love Sand), Mut describes Khom as his "younger close friend and brother". Also, in the prologue of Love Sea, Tongrak tells us that Khom is a decade younger than him. Since Rak is about to turn 31 and the two boys are around the same age, with Mut being apparently slightly older, Mahasamut should be around 21-22 years old, making the age gap between Mutrak around 9 or 10 years!

DISCLAIMER🚨: I have not read Love Sand, all the infos I have written come from people I know that have read it. Therefore, I apologize if something is incorrect🙇🏽‍♀️

Can you read the report and understand it?

Fortunately for Mook, Mahasamut had decided to go to the hospital alone and not drag her along. Said report was currently being examined by Tongrak and poor Mook couldn't help but wonder why her boss was smiling like that. How could a report make him so happy? She didn't understand anything of what was written, she didn't know a thing about STDs. How could she, she had never even had sex with anyone. Her confusion faded when Mahasamut explained he was clean, only to be quickly replaced by embarrassment at his next words.

"Maybe next time we can skip the rubber. I promise I'll pull out"

Yet, nothing could prepare her for Rak's answer

"Who said you have to?"

Mut kept teasing Mook for a while after that, while Rak observed them in the distance

"They get along very well. This is nice. The room isn't quiet anymore."

What if I say I won't agree to it?

Mut read the contents of the contract: Tongrak would provide him sixty thousand bahts monthly as compensation and cover all of his living expenses, including housing, food and even education, if he wished to pursue it. However, Mut had obligations as well: not disturbing Rak during working hours, not doing anything Tongrak disliked and, most of all, their relationship would end immediately at the writer's discretion. There was no love, nor commitment included. Mahasamut had to supress a growl in his throat. He disliked what Rak was doing, disliked how he was treating their relationship as if there was nothing but sex between them, nothing but money. But he knew this was the only opportunity he had to get close to Tongrak and he couldn't let it slip away, even if he wouldn't have much time. So, all he could do was clench his fists and hide his thoughts with a perfectly fine smile.

So, you're saying you can love me, Khun Tongrak?

Being very fair-skinned, when all his blood rushed to his face, Rak easily turned a bright red that let everyone know he was blushing. And Mut's words had him blushing hard. Tongrak had experienced every kind of flirtation imaginable from both men and women, but just a few words from Mut were enough to leave him speechless. Had the younger boy not read the contract? Had he not realized there was no emotional attachment between them, only money? How could he be so brazen in asking for love? But, most of all, why the hell did Rak's heart skip a beat?!

Vivi was very impressed by the island boy. She knew there must have been something special between them if Rak had brought him home; just as she knew how much her friend deeply craved for someone's love, even if he refused to admit it.

"You can just call me Vi, no prefix needed. And if Rak ever dumps you, just come to Big Sis. I like you."

"That might be difficult," Mut declined, "I won't let myself get dumped so easily"

And Mahasamut had never been more serious. He wouldn't let Tongrak drift away from him.

"I didn't say you could come in" "But you didn't say I couldn't come in either"

Here Mut actually enters Rak's room and sits on his bed, while the older man is busy playing on his phone. Unable to ignore Mut's gaze any longer, Rak put his phone down and looked up at him.

"That's better. Didn't anyone tell you that when you talk, you should make eye contact with the person you're talking to?"

Finally they talk about the contract, about their conversation downstairs and about how Rak doesn't believe in love, and this all but puts a sad smile on Mut's face. So, the younger boy reaches out to hold Rak's hand and intertwine their fingers.

"I know you don't believe in love, but I never said that I don't [...], you can't stop me from loving you."

Tongrak was at a loss for words. Confusion was written all over his face. He had never dealt with a situation like this before. He had never met anyone who said they'd love him.

👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻

THIS. THIS IS THE MOMENT I HAD BEEN WAITING FOR.

In the novel, this does NOT happen. Or, better said, it is not a kiss on the lips. It's a kiss on Rak's temple. Now, why am i putting so much emphasis on this, you might be asking. I think this is another masterpiece of improv by our ship captain Khun Thitipong. In the novel, there is A LOT of emphasis on the fact that Mut desperately wanted to kiss Rak's lips but, since he had just made a very important speech about pursuing Rak and making him change his mind about love, Mahasamut decided that he couldn't give in to his desire. He wanted the words he had just said to embed themselves in Rak's heart. To make Rak think about him, about them, as more than just what happens in bed, and that is something that would take time. So kissing his lips had to wait. Now, after making this such a big thing, I don't think Mame would just suddenly change her mind for the show. Therefore, if 1+1 is 2 and the shit-eating grin on Fort's face and Peat's eyes are anything to go by, I assume Thitiwhipped decided to take matters into his own hands. Also, it seems Peat hinted at this himself in the reaction video for episode 4: after watching the kiss scene, Peat himself asks Fort if the kiss was scripted or just his improvisation.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk 🫳🏽🎤

[clarisse0o]

Camp Wiegman-Part 39

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words : 5k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Saturday, January 16th; 1:00 PM - Lucy's Room

I've been awake for a good ten minutes, but I don't dare move. I'm so comfortably settled, but more importantly, I'm afraid of waking Lucy, who is holding me firmly against her. The only thing that could make me move is my incessant headache. And yet, I'm still lying here... I'm savoring this rare moment that I might never experience again. I take in the perfection of her face and her relaxed features, which make her look so innocent. It's as if I'm her big teddy bear. The only regret I have is not being able to admire her stunning emerald eyes. Mine start to close when I feel her stir. The last thing I want is for her to catch me watching her. Her hand, which I realize is under my t-shirt, slowly withdraws after gently caressing my spine. My body betrays me, sending a thousand shivers through me. I pretend to wake up, burrowing into her chest to hide my face. I blink my eyes before lifting my head to meet the gaze of the eyes I've longed for. Their piercing effect makes me melt even more. She immediately lets go of me, as if holding me like that would break some forbidden rule. I make sure to hide my disappointed expression.

"Good morning..."

"Hi," she replies.

"Can you free my leg, please? I’d like to get up."

I tighten my legs slightly around hers when I realize I'm actually holding her back without meaning to.

"Can’t we stay like this a little longer?" I ask, burying my face in her neck.

"No," she sighs.

"Please," I groan.

"I said no," she says firmly, pulling her foot out of my grasp with a sharp movement.

"What's wrong?" I mumble.

"The problem is you're getting used to things I don't want," she says, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I need to get up. You probably have a headache to deal with."

I groan, letting my body, which had been resting on hers, fall onto the warm mattress. My headache is far from my biggest concern at the moment. At least I got to enjoy her arms until she woke up. She gets up, leaving me behind without a hint of regret.

"You didn’t seem to mind sharing your bed last night..."

The reaction I wanted has its effect. She freezes just as she’s about to leave the room. I bite my lip to stifle a smile. I'm glad the alcohol didn't take away that memory. She seems to know exactly what I'm talking about, judging by her response.

"Sorry. It was inappropriate of me. I wouldn’t have done anything like that if I were sober."

"The easy excuse..."

"A valid excuse. I can't handle alcohol at all," she retorts.

"If you say so..." I mumble. "Good Lord, it’s one o’clock," I laugh, changing the subject.

"Really?" she says, surprised. "The last time I woke up at this hour, I was your age."

"Yep, you’re old now."

I tease her as I slide my hands under her pillow to hug it. I recognize Lucy's scent on it. It's almost a substitute for her absence. Almost.

"If you say so," she shrugs. "Are you hungry?"

"A little," I admit.

"I'll make us something and see if the girls are already awake. Don't take too long, please."

"Mm-hmm."

I bury my head in her pillow right after. My response must not have pleased her because she turns around to open the shutters. I groan as daylight floods the room. Even with gray clouds, it's hard for me to adjust to so much light all at once.

"At least now I'm sure you won't fall back asleep."

I watch her leave the room with a proud smile on her lips. I wait for the door to close before groaning into the pillow. I'll never tire of waking up next to her, but this morning feels different. She seemed to be distancing herself. I hope it was just my imagination. For now, the most important thing is that she doesn't discover my feelings for her. I risk losing her for good. A perfect woman like her could never be interested in someone like me. I'm a magnet for trouble. After a moment of reflection, I decide to get out of bed. I immediately miss the warmth, and I understand why when I see my bare thighs. Damn. This outfit shouldn’t bother me since I often sleep this way, but knowing I spent the night like this with Lucy makes my cheeks heat up.

"Damn... What kind of mess am I getting myself into again..."

I rummage through her closet to find something to cover my legs. The first thing I find is a pair of sweatpants that will do just fine. As I turn around, I stop for a moment, noticing my suitcase at the foot of the bed. I thought I had left it on the other side. I shrug and head to the living room.

"The girls aren’t awake yet?" I ask when I see Lucy alone.

"They’re already gone."

I raise an eyebrow at the sticky note she hands me. I can't believe it. They're both out in the city. My best friend, who came to spend the weekend with me, is out with a girl she’s only seen twice... I can hardly believe it.

"Nice sweatpants," she snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Oh, um... I helped myself. I didn't see my suitcase."

"No worries," she chuckles. "They suit you well. Here, I made this for you."

"Thanks."

I down the glass of orange juice in one go to swallow the pill she had prepared for me. Lucy watches me with amusement. She pours me another glass at my request before returning to the stove.

"What are you cooking?" I ask, looking over her shoulder.

"Pancakes. Can you make your hot chocolate and my coffee?"

"Sure. How do you take your coffee? Black?"

"Yeah, no sugar, no milk."

"You drink it straight? Yuck," I grimace.

"Indeed. It's better that way."

"Gross."

Lucy laughs at me. I get to work, making our hot drinks one by one.

"Luce?"

"Yeah?"

"Where's the cocoa?"

"In the cupboard," she says, pointing it out to me.

"Thanks."

I grab the box to scoop two spoonfuls of cocoa into my mug, then bring everything to the table where our plates are already set. I sit down since I have nothing else to do.

"Do you want to do something this afternoon?" she asks me.

"I don't know," I shrug. "What if the girls come back before we do?"

"I doubt it," she chuckles. "Do you want to go out?"

"For what?"

"I might have an idea," she smiles mischievously.

"Okay. It can only be good."

She joins me with a plate full of pancakes, which she sets in the middle of the table. I grab one before she even sits down.

"Are you that hungry?" she giggles.

"Don't tease me. Everyone has their own post-party effects. Mine is eating a lot. Anyway," I say, clearing my throat. "So, I was wondering if you knew that Mapi and Ingrid have been texting?"

"I found out yesterday," she shrugs. "Does it bother you?"

"No, no... Well... Never mind."

"Tell me."

"There's nothing to say... Just that it's surprising."

"I don't think so. They're made to get along."

"Hmm... Do you know if... I mean, is Ingrid a lesbian? Or maybe bi?"

« She's only had relationships with girls before," she replies simply.

I nod as I spread Nutella on my pancake. Maybe Mapi does have a chance with Ingrid after all. I hope so. She deserves to be happy, even if it means getting involved with my school instructor.

- Are you jealous that she might be seeing someone else?

I look up to see Lucy with an unusually serious expression. I shake my head. No, I don't feel jealousy. It's something else, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Mostly, I feel concerned for her. What I want more than anything is for her to find the happiness she deserves.

- No. Mapi told me she likes Ingrid. I'm just checking, that's all.

- They're both adults; they can handle their relationship, she says with a shrug.

- Did Ingrid talk to you about it too?

- Yeah, and it seems the feeling is mutual.

- Oh my God, I laugh. What is all this going to turn into?

- A total disaster.

We laugh heartily. I'm relieved to know I'm not the only one who thinks so. Maybe she planned to see Ingrid instead of coming to spend the weekend with me. I'll definitely have to ask her about that.

- Want to taste?

I look up to see her offering me her cup of coffee.

- No, thanks.

- Come on, do it for me, taste it, she insists. You promised you'd try it once. You can even add milk or sugar if you want.

- Fine. Just this once, then.

I take the cup and breathe in the scent, which isn't as unpleasant as I expected. I take a deep breath before sipping. The effect is immediate. I spit out the second sip onto the table as Lucy bursts out laughing. She immediately gets up to grab some paper towels.

- Disgusting!

- You're overreacting, she laughs.

She wipes up the mess on the table before I can help.

- Let me see.

I obey, feeling my cheeks heat up as she dabs at my chin where the coffee must have dripped. Her smile widens, clearly amused by my obvious embarrassment.

- First coffee experience: memorable, she comments. I'll make you try a different one next time.

- No thanks, I grimace. This time was already too much.

- I promise it'll be better than this one.

- We'll see.

- It's already decided. I know you'll do it.

I stick my tongue out at her in response. It's certain that I'll give in if she pushes a little, but she doesn't need to know that. She ruffles my hair and retrieves her cup, finishing it in one gulp. She heads off to dispose of the used paper towels. I finish my own cup and glance over at Lucy. She's just opened the sliding door, letting a blast of cold air into the room. I'm glad I put on sweatpants. She steps out onto the terrace for a few seconds before coming back inside. She smiles when she notices me watching her.

- Are you done?

- Um, yeah… I reply, eyeing her curiously. What are you planning to do?

- I want to clean up after last night's party. You can go take your shower.

- I'd like to help, I insist.

- It's not necessary. I'm just going to mop and everything.

- At least let me clear the table, I negotiate, already starting to do so.

She shrugs, conceding defeat. I load the dishwasher while she clears the toppings. Once everything is put away, I leave to get ready. The only hint she gave me was to dress warmly. I'm tempted to wear the sweater she lent me last time. I never bothered to return it, and she never asked for it back. After some thought, I choose one of my own, then lock myself in the bathroom to take a shower.

Saturday, January 16th; 3:00 PM - Lucy's Building.

- Where are we going? I ask impatiently, like a child.

- You'll find out soon enough. Calm down, will you? she teases.

I bite my lip to keep from smiling. The elevator doors open to the basement. She noticed I only had sneakers or city boots, so she lent me a good pair of shoes. I deduced we’ll be walking and it’ll probably be cold. I feel like a little girl waiting for a surprise. I start to head toward her car, but she stops me.

- This way, Ona.

- We're not taking the car?

- Not today. The roads are pretty clear.

I furrow my brow as I follow her to a garage. My jaw drops when she opens it. If I expected that… She wants me to get on *that*?

- What's the matter, Batlle, getting cold feet?

- Do you even have a license for this thing?!

- Do you think I keep it in my garage just for fun? she mocks. If you're scared, we can take my car.

- Is that a challenge?

- Maybe. You tell me.

Her smile makes me give in. A freaking motorcycle. If I expected that! She’s made me experience everything I’ve ever wanted to do in life so far. This surprise is definitely worth it! It’s a sporty bike, metallic blue. It’s as impressive as her car. The silver rims stand out perfectly. I love this girl. She's completely nuts! She hands me a pair of gloves, which I gratefully take. I put them on without even thinking about the helmet she's bringing over.

- Damn, I groan.

- It’s okay, I’ll help, she laughs.

Without asking, she places the helmet on my head, slowly pulling on each side. I thank her when she pushes aside a few strands of hair that decided to stay in front of my eyes.

- Lift your chin. I need to adjust the strap underneath.

I comply, letting her fasten the helmet. She closes the visor with an amused smile when I lower my head. She gears up as well before looking at me. I move my head to get used to the feel of the helmet. I feel like my head is being squeezed with this thing.

- Have you ever been on a motorcycle?

- No, but I’ve always wanted to try, I admit.

- Alright. In that case, you'll hold onto me. But make sure you stay upright. Don’t lean with me when we turn, okay?

- I get it, yeah…

- If you don’t feel comfortable, just let me know.

I nod with a smile that she returns. She rolls the bike out and closes the garage. She climbs on, leaving me stunned for a moment. She looks so badass on it. She totally has the biker look with her black outfit. She motions for me to come closer. I snap out of it and move towards her. I brace my hands on her shoulders to climb on behind her. I lift my leg, but it gets stuck on the seat because I didn’t raise it high enough.

- Great start, she giggles.

- Sorry, it’s my first time, I defend myself.

- Hold onto me, alright? she warns playfully.

I blush and manage to get on the bike on my second try. My first instinct is to hold onto her waist. She doesn’t seem to mind, as she turns the key. The bike purrs with a sound as pleasing as her Audi. She must have a passion for big cars and bikes. She starts moving the bike without warning, and I instinctively press against her, wrapping my arms around her. I hear her laugh, and the vibrations coming from her body against mine make me blush again. She stops when we reach the outside.

- Ona, you’re suffocating me.

- Sorry, I say, immediately loosening my grip.

- I’m not asking you to let go, just don’t squeeze so tight, okay? Here, give me your arms.

She grabs my wrists and wraps them around her the way they should be. She starts the bike after waiting for my go-ahead. At first, I tighten my grip, but I loosen it shortly after. I stay in that position for a while until I get used to it. I notice she’s making sure to keep a reasonable speed. Despite her instructions, I still managed to lean with her during a turn. I got scolded, which reminded me of my mistake. I never imagined it would be so hard for my brain not to follow her movements. After that incident, I made sure to be more careful. I smile stupidly as we pass all the cars stopped at a red light to reach the front. I’ve always dreamed of doing that one day, and now it’s happened. She supports us with the tips of her toes when we’re stopped. I’d like to help, but I can’t touch the ground from behind. So I leave my feet on the footrests.

- We’ve got a bit of a drive ahead. Do you mind if I take the highway to get there faster? she asks.

- No, go ahead. I trust you.

- You sure? You’re not just saying that to make me happy?

- No, no. Please, go ahead. You probably haven’t ridden in a while.

- "Yes, it's true," she admits to me. "Thank you."

I hold on to her as she takes off at full speed. I'm so surprised that I press myself against her. From her laugh, I think she did it on purpose. We stop after half an hour of driving. I'm almost certain she didn't obey the speed limit, given the number of cars we passed. My smile doesn't fade when I see where we are. She never fails to surprise me. The landscape is still magnificent. She parks her motorcycle in front of a chalet that must be a small café in the middle of a small forest. I mimic Lucy, taking off my helmet and placing my gloves between my legs.

"Wow..."

"It's beautiful, isn't it? Are you getting off?"

I listen to her as I clumsily dismount, accidentally bumping into her. She doesn't say anything, just smiles. She must have picked up on my awkwardness by now. She engages the kickstand and gets off as well. She stretches to loosen up her legs while I take in the vast forest in front of us.

"Did I drive well? You weren't too scared?"

"When can we do it again?"

She laughs, telling me that there's still the return trip. We enter the small chalet, where she seems to know the owners since she introduces me and entrusts them with our helmets. The owner wishes us a good afternoon before we step outside, where I take a deep breath of fresh air.

"So, what's next on the agenda, Commander?"

"Walking," she smiles. "Let's not waste time, I just received a message. We need to be back home by six o'clock."

"Why?"

"We need to meet up with the girls to eat in town, then we'll go to the same bar as last time with my friends. Does that work for you?"

"I don't really have a choice. You've planned everything behind my back."

I puff out my cheeks to show my displeasure. She pinches them, deflating them instantly.

"I just found out myself, so don't pout at me, okay? It's not my fault!"

"Uh-huh, sure," I say, crossing my arms nonetheless.

She surprises me by wrapping her arm around my shoulders. I relax, resting my head on her shoulder. I don't stay there long as she pulls away after kissing my forehead.

"Come on, you little grouch."

I smile softly at the unexpected gesture. I realize she's becoming more and more affectionate with me. I feel the need for more, but I doubt that's what she wants. I only realize she's moved ahead of me when she calls out to me from a distance. I quickly catch up to her, and we head into the beautiful forest stripped of its foliage. Everything is white with snow. I shove my hands into my pockets to keep them warm.

"How do you feel about joining a new class on Monday?" she starts the conversation.

"I have to admit, I haven't had a second to think about it. I'd say I'm curious and a little stressed at the same time. I'm not alone, so everything should go well."

"You don't need to worry."

We continue talking about the subject until we reach the end of the path. We've arrived at a small lake with a stone waterfall. I haven't even finished drawing the landscapes she showed me last week, and now she's already showing me new ones. Lucy suggests we walk around before heading back. It's the perfect thing to relax. We continue moving forward, taking the path on the right. The silence is peaceful, but it's pleasant. I feel good. I don't think I've ever felt this good before. I feel happy and surrounded, like never before. I doubt I'll ever experience this moment as intensely again. I turn around to see Lucy lagging behind me for the first time. She's the reason for my happiness, I know it. She's going to make me burst with a thousand feelings if she keeps acting the way she does with me. She makes me feel like a different person. It's as if I can do anything by her side. Yet, I've always been told that I'm an incapable child who will never succeed in life.

" Lucy?" I call out to her, walking backward.

"Hmm?" she responds, finally looking at me.

"Thank you for everything... Thank you for being you and for transforming me into who I am right now."

"I'm not doing anything special."

"Oh yes, you are," I chuckle. "You don't even realize it."

"Don't you want to walk normally? You're going to hurt yourself again," she teases.

"No way, look, I've got this under control!"

I try to prove it by speeding up. Lucy's amused smile warms my heart in a way I can't control. This day is just too perfect to be real. I was about to say something, but my feet decided to get tangled up.

"Be careful!" she nearly shouts.

Too late... I land on my butt. I hear Lucy's laughter ringing in my ears. I groan and look at the ground to see the damn branch responsible for my stumble. I've just made a fool of myself. I let my head drop and find myself staring into Lucy's green eyes.

"Poor fool! It's not like I didn't warn you!"

"You'll see who's the fool!"

I knock her off balance as her legs straddle mine. I pull her hands, which she instinctively put forward, and gently bring her down with me. I groan as she ends up completely on top of me, but I can't help bursting into laughter when I hear Lucy groan.

"That'll teach you to make fun of me!"

Without warning, her fingers start tickling me, inflicting a torture I hate more than anything. I beg her to stop, but she continues. She only stops when I start running out of breath.

"Apologize."

I can't say a word, mesmerized by the sight in front of me. Her smile, showing all her teeth, captivates me so much. I only realize I've placed my hands on her thighs when her smile suddenly disappears.

"Ona..."

I still can't say anything. Her tousled hair gives her an incredible charm. My heart is about to explode... But everything fades when she moves away to sit on top of me.

"Ona, we can't. I can't. You're my student."

"I'm far from being just your student..."

"I know, Ona," she sighs, running a hand through her hair.

"You feel the same way I do," I murmur in shock.

"No," she shakes her head. "There's no way our relationship can go any further than it already has. I'm risking my job and... I can't. I thought you couldn't either, with your relationship with Feli."

I laugh bitterly. She has no right to use that excuse when I was ready. She feels something too. Otherwise, she wouldn't have reacted the way she has these past few days. Her behavior has changed. She's become more attentive, worried, and... And she was jealous yesterday. She can deny it all she wants, but she was irritated that guy was checking me out.

"That's the best excuse you could come up with?" I ask coldly.

"Ona..." she sighs.

"If you didn't feel anything like you claim, you wouldn't have reacted so excessively with the salesman. You also wouldn't have let me cuddle you when we got back from the mall, or sleep with you last night, or kiss my neck. We like each other. What's wrong with that?"

"There's nothing wrong with it. I-I just can't. It's beyond my strength, and I thought it was the same for you. I've just crossed the line these past few weeks. I shouldn't have opened up to you so much. It just complicated things. I should have stayed professional until the end."

I think I would have preferred if she had no feelings rather than reject me for some unknown reason. My world of happiness just collapsed in a fraction of a second. What else was I expecting anyway? I knew she wouldn't want me. Who would, anyway? I just didn't expect it to hurt this much. It makes me realize how attached I've become to her and the extent of my feelings.

"We should head back," I murmur.

"Ona..." she says sadly.

I stop her from saying anything else by pushing her off me, a gesture that feels far too easy. She doesn't even resist. I clumsily get up, too disturbed by what just happened. I retrace our steps without bothering to wait for her or even glance at her.

Saturday, January 16th; 10:00 PM - The United.

We've been at the bar for a good hour. The same people as last time are here. I'm impressed by how Mapi has managed to fit in. She's always had an easier time with social situations than I have. Everyone's having fun around the pool table while I stay back with my glass of iced tea. Mapi and Ingrid are crushing Jenni and Mary. It seems like this afternoon strengthened their relationship, as they're now teasing each other. I glance over at the other girls who are mocking them, then end on Lucy, who has stayed at our table. It seems she's met an old acquaintance, but I doubt it's just anyone, given how the girl is eyeing her up. No one seems bothered that she's off on her own. She doesn't seem bothered by it either. The girl keeps touching her arm and laughing at whatever she's saying. I feel desperate watching them like this, boiling inside. I'm incapable of doing anything. Lucy shut me down. She doesn't want me, and she's continuing to make that clear right now. And to think I had just acknowledged my feelings for her. Maybe it's not so bad that I know now. Maybe I can pull back my feelings, but I doubt it. Not long ago, I wasn't even ready to have a new relationship, and now, it's the first time I’ve felt this much jealousy. I sigh and look away, taking a sip of my drink. The only thing left for me to do is to put up barriers. That's what I did this afternoon. We haven't spoken since our confessions. I have to suppress my emotions. It's for the best for everyone. I smile at Mapi as she approaches me with a huge grin.

- "Did you see my crushing victory?!"

- "Oh... Yeah, I saw it," I replied. "Crushing, as always!"

I try to appear normal, but given the scrutinizing look she's giving me, I guess I failed miserably. She tilts her head slightly before sighing.

- "I'm going out for a smoke. You coming with me?"

- "Uh, yeah, if you want. I thought you quit?"

- "I did, but one every now and then never hurt anyone. Come on, hermana, it'll do you good to get some fresh air."

I smile weakly as she drapes her arm over my shoulders. Unfortunately, we have to pass by our table to grab our jackets. I try not to meet the eyes of the two people there, but it's really difficult. Especially when I end up locking eyes with Lucy's furrowed brow. Or should I say, my supervisor's.

- "Where are you going?"

- "Getting some air," Mapi replies. "We'll be back."

I quickly turn on my heels to follow Mapi outside. We sit on one of the benches against the bar's facade. I fix my gaze on a spot on the road where a few cars are passing while Mapi lights her cigarette. I catch a glimpse of the smoke escaping her mouth before she offers me the cigarette. I hesitate for a moment. I used to smoke, but I quit at the same time as I stopped doing drugs. She rolls her eyes and insists, bringing the cigarette directly to my lips.

- "Tonight you can. I think you need it."

The temptation is too strong. I take the cigarette between my fingers and take a deep drag, closing my eyes. It's like riding a bike, you never forget. I exhale the smoke, savoring it as much as possible. When I open my eyes, I see my best friend smiling broadly. I take another drag before handing it back to her and resting my head on her shoulder.

- "Is it Lucy?" she asks, getting straight to the point. "I noticed you haven't spoken since you got here."

- "She shut me down, Maps. She figured out how I felt, and she shut me down."

- "Oh..."

- "I felt ready, damn it. Why does she feel the need to ruin everything?"

- "Do you think she feels the same?"

- "I thought so, but with her rejection, I don't know anymore. Why would she want me anyway? I'm just a troubled girl. I've never understood why she was so interested in me. Maybe it's just because I remind her of her ex, and she thought she could save me, unlike her."

- "Her ex?" she frowns.

I sigh heavily, taking another drag from the cigarette she offers me again. I haven't talked about this story to Mapi or anyone else, for that matter. Lucy's past is none of their business, but now that I remember, it's totally understandable.

- "Forget it," I mumble. "I just don't know what to believe anymore..."

- "What are you going to do...?"

- "Pull away, I guess."

- "Ona..."

- "What?" I reply coldly. "What else do you want me to do? Huh?! She doesn't want me. I'm not going to force her! One thing is for sure, I'm not going to feel bad for nothing."

- "Fight for her... I'm sure she's worth it. She cares about you, it's obvious. You finally admitted you like her, and I've never seen you so attached to someone. When you used to go back to Barcelona, you barely talked to me about the friends you made here. You talked about her..."

- "No, that's out of the question. If she wanted me, she wouldn't have shut me down the first time. It was too good to be true anyway. I trusted the wrong person again. The only thing to do to minimize the damage is to pull away before I get too hurt."

- "You're so stubborn..." she sighs. "There has to be an explanation for all this."

- "There isn't always, Mapi. Even if there is one, I don't want to know it."

I take the cigarette from her again. The nicotine's calming effect settles into my system. I had forgotten how good it could feel. I frown when the cigarette is abruptly taken away before I can take a second drag.

- "Hey, what are you doing?"

My first reflex is to look at Mapi, but I quickly realize it's not her. I look up to see Lucy standing in front of us, with a stern look that would have definitely affected me in other circumstances.

- "Give it back."

- "No way."

- "What does it matter to you if I smoke?" I growl. "Give me back that cigarette!"

- "I said no."

She's daring me to take it back, but I'm not going to play her game over a stupid cigarette. I hold her gaze for a moment before closing my eyes and shaking my head. So she doesn't want me, but she keeps bothering me about what I do. It doesn't make any sense. I stand up and deliberately bump her shoulder as I head back into the bar. Her sigh behind me doesn't stop me. I'm going to handle this my way, whether she likes it or not. She's not going to be pleased with how I change my behavior towards her. I drop my jacket at the table and join Lucy's friends who are still gathered around the pool table. They invite me right away to start a new game, which I accept without hesitation. I team up with Aitana against Jenni and Ingrid. I don't know if it's a fair match, but Aitana seems confident. We start the game as Mapi and Lucy return. I ignore them and focus only on the game we've started. Time flies by with one, two, then a third game to break the tie. I try to laugh at Aitana's jokes, but I admit I'm forcing it a bit. She tried to get closer to help me with my shots. I wasn't thrilled by the contact at first, but I eventually let her do it. It's finally midnight when Lucy suggests we head home. She invited Ingrid to stay over again. This doesn't sit well with me, as I imagine she'll be sleeping with Mapi. Mapi also abandons me for the ride home. She whispered that I should take the opportunity to talk to Lucy, advice I didn't follow. Our drive back was silent. Lucy tried to start a conversation once or twice, but I didn't respond. We arrive at her apartment in a tense atmosphere. The girls quickly retreat to their room, sensing the tension between us. I sigh in frustration, fully understanding what Mapi is trying to do. She wants me to change my mind, but it's not going to happen!

- "Do you have a blanket?" I finally ask.

- "A blanket?" Lucy repeats, puzzled. "Why?"

- "I'm sleeping on the couch."

- "Ona..." she tries, tilting her head slightly.

- "Yes or no?" I question her more coldly. "Either way, I'm staying here."

She looks at me for a moment before sighing. No, sweetheart, I'm not changing my mind. I watch as she lifts the couch cushion to pull out a duvet and two pillows. She hands them to me while I turn the couch into a bed. Well, at least I won't have to worry about a bad night's sleep.

- "Thank you."

- "Good night..."

She murmurs the words so softly I barely hear them before she disappears down the hallway. She returns a moment later with my pajamas. I head to the bathroom to change and brush my teeth before returning to the living room. I close the doors behind me for some privacy and make sure the curtains are drawn so I can sleep in tomorrow morning. Once I'm ready, I place both pillows on one side and wrap myself in the thick duvet with a sigh of relief. It's definitely not as good as being in Lucy's arms, but I'll have to get used to it.

Sunday, January 17th; 2:50 AM - Lucy's Living Room.

I clutch the duvet as tightly as I can to muffle my sobs. I try to calm down, but it's no use. At least I haven't been loud enough to wake up the whole apartment. No one has come to check on me, even though I've been like this for about ten minutes. I don't even dare get up to grab a tissue or a glass of water. I'm too afraid of waking someone. I freeze and hold my breath when I hear the double doors open. I slowly lower my head, clutching the duvet as tightly as possible to make it look like I'm still asleep.

- "I know you're not asleep."

I tense up at the sound of Lucy's voice. She slips under the blanket I haven't let go of. I try to push myself further against the backrest when I feel her behind me. I don't want to feel her against me, but her arm pulls me back while taking hold of my hand. I instinctively pull it away.

- "Take it."

I bite my lip, opening my eyes to see she's brought me a pack of tissues. I take it timidly, thanking her in a voice even I can barely hear. I immediately use a tissue. Meanwhile, she firmly keeps her arm wrapped around my waist. I'd be lying if I said it didn't have an effect on me... I hate her so much for making me feel this way.

- "This is the last time we're sleeping together," I murmur.

- "Go back to sleep," she whispers in response.

She won't be able to change my mind on this. I fully intend to keep this promise. I'll even go to Jaha and ask to move back into my dorm on Monday if I have to. In the meantime, I take advantage of her arms and warmth one last time to calm down from the nightmare. My breathing returns to a regular rhythm, and fatigue finally gets the better of me.

[brynnewithane]

Kaiju No. 8 Light Novel: Closely Observed! Unit 3 [Translate]

This is an UNOFFICIAL TRANSLATION of the Light Novel Kaiju No. 8. The translation and proofreading were done by me. Since my bias is Hoshina, I only plan to translate his story.

Hoshina's chapter is split into six parts. The following post includes my translation of parts 1 and 2.

***The translation that follows is not translated from the original Japanese, but rather from Vietnamese to English. Since this is my first attempt translating literature and English is not my first language, if there are any parts that seem unnatural or out-of-place please feel free to point them out. I’m open for feedback!👾 ***There are some segments that I've referenced from the translation of Kaiju No. 8: B-Side posted on the Mangaplus website. ***Word count: 2725

Chapter 3: Vice-captain Soshiro Hoshina

[PART 1/6]

“Phew, alright…”

With a soft thud, Hoshina set the stack of papers down on the table and took a deep breath. In his hand was the report on Kikoru’s match from the day before. He was evaluating it, through the lens of a vice-captain.

“Who would’ve thought it’d take this long, huh.”

Finishing off the last sip of his now-cold coffee, Hoshina made his way out of the room. Although work hours were over, he still had other plans await. As he strode down the corridor, he spotted the Metro TV crew heading towards him.

“Director! How’s the filming coming along?

The director nodded in return, “It went pretty well, everyone has been very cooperative after all. Mr. Hoshina, would you mind if we get a few words from you?”

“Me? But I’ve already been around the block though.”

“Ha ha ha. No, I just wanted to ask about the rookies. All of the officers this year are really something. The performance that Officer Shinomiya did yesterday was truly remarkable.”

“Well, that’s ‘cause the West Tokyo entry exam was way tougher this year, probably the hardest we’ve ever had. Plus, there were way more standout talents than usual this time around."

“I see. But now I’m more curious.”

“Curious ‘bout what?”

“It’s about Officer Kafka Hibino. Compared to the others, his basic physical strength seems pretty lacking. Would you mind telling us why he’s accepted to the Defense Force?”

The director couldn't help but wonder; it was no surprise at all. For days Kafka had shown no significant improvement to the crew. Whether it was marksmanship or obstacle courses, he consistently ranked last.

“Of course, we don’t just recruit folks based on combat abilities, y’know? We take a lot of other factors into account too. One of the reasons we accepted Kafka Hibino is…

“Is…?”

“Comic relief!” Hoshina smirked.

“C, comic relief, sir?” Hearing such a response, the director’s eyes widened.

“Novelty, y’know? He’s entertaining does he not? The impulsiveness and silliness and all. I’ve never seen anyone with an unleashed combat power of 0% before, and despite being physically weak, he’s bursting with energy. Not to mention he’s completely oblivious to his true potential, so he kept ended up running around like a headless chicken on the field.”

“T, That’s quite the harsh evaluation…”

“But I don’t dislike dummies like him.”

“And why is that?”

“Back in the day…” Hoshina scratched his cheek. "I met someone who was just like that. This idiot was constantly told to give up on bein’ a member of the Defense Force, yet he just kept throwin’ himself into it, no matter what.”

“So there really was a recruit like that? What’s that officer doing now?”

“Beats me. He’s likely assigned to some other unit.” Hoshina flashed a brief smile as he started to walk off. “Oh right, I’m about to hold a private training session at the dojo. The rookies will be there too, you could drop by if you’re interested.”

⁂ ⁂ ⁂

“Yaaaah!”

The soldiers’ exhort resonated throughout the wooden dojo. Apart from the outdoor training area, the Defense Force base also featured an indoor training room. Many officers would come here to train after dinner.

“My, my... It’s so crowded even during break time.” The director mumbled in admiration.

“This year’s rookies are really proactive.”

Hoshina was scanning around the dojo when he saw two individuals, both wearing armour(1), fighting intensely near the entrance. One of them caught an opening and leaped forward, swinging his bamboo sword(2) and striking his opponent. The victor removed his mask, revealing none other than Haruichi Izumo.

“Not bad Reno. Have you done kendo before?”

“I picked up a bit during middle school… But I couldn’t see that last strike of yours coming at all.” Reno, Haruichi’s opponent, also lifted off his mask and let out a sigh.

“Nah, you almost had me there too, man.” Haruichi smiled gently.

Nearby, a match took place between two individuals with distinctly different builds. One was a kendo expert senior, yet he was outmatched by his bulkier opponent who launched many heavy knocks from overhead.

“Woah that officer is really impressive. Is he a rookie too?”

“Maybe it’s hard for you to tell with a mask on like that, but it’s ‘she,’ not ‘he’, and yes she’s a rookie, her name is Hakua Igarashi.” Hoshina shook his head and replied to the director.

“Igarashi… Oh, is she the younger sister of Officer Jura from the Second Division?”

Igarashi Hakua is a promising rookie and Kikoru’s close friend.

As Hoshina looked around, a male officer approached. This young man had a muscular physique, piercing eyes, and tanned skin. He’s Aoi Kaguragi, a former member of Japan Ground Self-Defense Force.

“Vice-captain Hoshina, would you mind having a sparring match with me?”

“Sure thing, let’s have a match.”

Once clad in his armour, Hoshina got into a ready stance, facing Aoi. As the referee signalled to start the match, a palpable tension filled the air. Others instinctively paused, as their attention was drawn to the two of them as well.

The fight began with two swords sharply clashing. Attacking first was Aoi.

“Ha-yaaa!” Aoi shouted as he charged forward, instantly closing the gap. He moved with a speed that left amateurs struggling to keep pace.

Hoshina skillfully parried with his bamboo sword and countered back. Aoi’s attack was neutralised. The two returned to a standoff, maintaining their distance once again.

Hoshina took the initiative this time. In response, Aoi swung his sword, attempting to strike first. Seizing the opportunity, Hoshina deftly flicked Aoi's sword upward, breaching his defence. A loud “thud” rang out as Hoshina landed a perfect hit onto Aoi’s mask.

“Men strike! (3)” (Face hit)

The referee’s voice rang out. The two exchanged bows at each other as the match ended. Once their mask was removed, Aoi’s face was glistening with sweat, in stark contrast to Hoshina, who remained calm and composed.

“Thank you, sir… I will strive to improve even more.” Aoi said, earnestly bowing his head.

“Nah, you did great! You’ve got some serious talent, y’know.” Hoshina complimented. Aoi was a rising star in the Ground Self-Defense Force, with relatively good kendo skills; he could even be ranked among the top in the Third Division.

(The rookies this year sure are outstanding.)

Applause sprang out as people enjoyed the duel between two formidable figures. Meanwhile, at the dojo entrance, an entirely different kind of match was unfolding.

“Heeeyaaah!!”

A man stumbled forward, ferociously swinging his bamboo sword. His wide, sweeping motions were all over the place, making it easy for his opponent to dodge, counter, and raise his sword high before slamming it down with force.

“Gack!!??”

The hit landed with such power that the mask seemed as though it was about to shatter. The man dropped to one knee on the floor.

“Sure-kill attack: Iharu Blade! How’d you like the power of my strike, old man!?”

“W, why you! Take it easy on me, won’t ya!?” Kafka stood up, removing his mask.

“That was me going easy. Seriously, why are you so ‘green,’ old man?” Iharu tilted his head.

“Well duh, I’ve never practised kendo once in my entire life. So, everyone else has, even Ichikawa huh… I guess all the Defense Force recruits are pros at this stuff…”

“Since you have zero experience in kendo, I assume you chose judo instead, yes?” Reno approached, striking up a conversation with Kafka.

“Hm? Nope, I don’t know judo either.”

“Huh? You weren’t required to take any martial arts class?”

“What martial arts?”

“Didn’t they require you to take either judo or kendo in middle school?”

“What’re you talking about?”

As the conversation drifted off course, Hoshina tucked his mask under his arm and walked toward them.

“Martial arts were made mandatory after the curriculum reform, which is why y’see nearly all of our rookies this year have some sort of experience—except you, Kafka.

“What, is that how it is!? Grk, even this has a generation gap!” Kafka stood up abruptly, clenching his fists. “Damn it, that means I need to train way harder. Vice-captain Hoshina, could you please instruct me as well? Let’s have a match!”

“Vice-captain, could I request the same for myself?”

“Hey Reno! Tryin’ to one-up me, aren’t ya!? Count me in too, sir!”

“Iharu, that wasn’t my intention.”

Seeing the rookies got all excited, Hoshina nodded, “Alright then. I’ll take y’all on—line up!”

A sharp "Thwack!" echoed through the air.

“Gack!”

A sharp "Thwack!" echoed through the air.

“Gurk!”

A sharp "Thwack!" echoed through the air.

“Agh!”

“All righty practice over. Y’all need to work on your basic skills.”

Upon the dojo floor, three members of Kafka lay scattered, their skill levels markedly inferior to Hoshina’s. After a lengthy observation of the scene, the director made his way toward them.

“Impressive! It’s clear that no one can even come close to your skill with the blade, sir. I wouldn’t expect anything less from someone hailing from one of the most renowned kaiju-slaying families in Kansai. Speaking of which, when you first enlisted, you weren’t here, were you? You were in Kansai, right sir?”

“Yeah, I got promoted by Captain Ashiro and transferred here.”

“I see! You must have been making a name for yourself since your early days then.”

“... That’s not the case at all.” Hoshina chuckled, looking a bit flustered.

This hesitancy of his somewhat confused the director.

“Vice-captain Hoshina.”

Hoshina shifted his attention when he heard a voice ring behind him. Kikoru stood there in her armour, her stern gaze peering through the mask.

“May I spar with you next, sir?”

“... ‘course.”

Raising her sword, Kikoru formed a ready stance. Judging by her form, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that her kendo technique was exceptionally polished. One could confidently assert that her skill was on par with Aoi’s.

(She's skilled in both firearms and swordplay. Truly astounding—a complete contrast from me.)

As Hoshina gazed at the rookies before him, memories of his own early days came flooding back—days before he joined the Third Division.

❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅••❅───✧❅

*NOTE:

(1) Here, they are wearing a type of protective gear specifically used in kendo known as bōgu (防具) or kendōgu (剣道具). Since I saw most Western websites tend to use the terms “bogu” or “kendo armour,” I decided to simply use the word “armour” here for a smoother reading.

(2) Similar to that, I’ve chosen to use the “bamboo sword” here to make it easier to understand even though the proper term for it is shinai (竹刀).

(3) Men strike (面打ち) in Kendo is one of the most fundamental and commonly used attacks aimed at the opponent’s head. Other primary strikes include kote (wrist), dō (torso), and tsuki (throat thrust).

❅───✧❅✦❅✧───❅••❅───✧❅

[PART 2/6]

Hoshina was usually stationed in Kansai. However, on that day, he travelled to Tokyo for a meeting about a friendly kendo match with the Third Division, which was set to occur in a month. The kendo instructor of the Third Division was someone his father greatly respected, and a figure Hoshina had known since childhood.

“Sir, I’m glad to see you’re still doing well.”

“Not at all! I’m not as sharp as I used to be nowadays. I’ve been planning on stepping down as an instructor soon. So what do you say, Soshiro? Do you want to come and carry on my work?”

“Ha ha ha, I’ll consider it, sir.” Hoshina chuckled, quickly changing the subject.

Hoshina had received countless recommendations to become an instructor. Everyone in the Defense Force recognised his exceptional swordsmanship, yet they all believed it wasn’t suitable for practical combat. His father, superiors—everyone urged him to take on the role of a kendo instructor, suggesting he withdraw from the battlefield. Despite this, he still longed to remain on the front lines.

(I’m well aware… that my desires are selfish and stubborn.)

The meeting ended, and just as Hoshina was about to leave, he received a call from the general affairs office, informing him that the captain of the Third Division wanted to see him in the office.

(The captain? Wants to meet me?)

Even though Hoshina was completely perplexed, he had no choice but to go. Anxiously, he knocked on the captain’s office door.

“Come in,” a calm female voice replied.

As he opened the door and stepped inside, Hoshina was greeted by the sight of a young woman seated at the desk. It was Mina Ashiro, who had become the captain of the Third Division at a remarkably young age. The two were not far apart in age. He had seen her before, during the joint training sessions, but this was their first opportunity to talk directly.

“I apologize for interrupting you during your busy schedule. Soshiro Hoshina, at your service, ma’am.” Hoshina straightened his back and saluted to the captain.

“Third Division Captain, Mina Ashiro. I appreciate you stopping by.”

“Happy to do it, I have time to spare after all. I was planning to take a look around Tokyo for a bit before returning to base. Now then, what was it that you need me for, Captain?”

Ashiro turned her back, her gaze drifting toward the sombre sky beyond the window. 

“I’ve seen you in joint training before. Even from a distance, I can tell that your swordsmanship is exceptional.”

“Oh, thank you captain…”

(Why is she bringing that up all of a sudden?)

Hoshina couldn’t help but feel sceptical.

“Soshiro Hoshina, I heard that you’re a sword specialist.”

“Yes, that is correct.”

Hoshina could already sense what Ashiro was about to say. He let out a small sigh.

(Here it comes. She’s definitely going to tell me to give it up…)

The Third Division was in dire need of a new sword instructor during this time. It seemed that Ashiro would soon suggest that he leave the front lines and take on that role.

“I need your abilities. Will you join my force, Hoshina?” Ashiro said as she gently turned back to face him.

The gloomy sky gradually dispersed, and shafts of sunlight entered the room. Her gleaming eyes gazed directly into Hoshina’s.

“Huh…?” Caught off guard by the unexpected proposal, Hoshina felt as though his mind had gone blank.

“We cannot overlook the possibility that more powerful miniatured-size kaiju might emerge in the future. Also, unlike you, I’m awful with bladed weaponry. I wouldn’t even want to pick up a kitchen knife.”

(Okay but isn’t kitchen knives are a complete different matter…)

“When I pierce through the enemies, will you clear a path for me?”

“...”

No one had ever spoken to Hoshina like that, not even his father. He felt his heart racing intensely, unable to suppress the thought that, just by serving under her, maybe…  

(No, stop…)

Hoshina took a breath and exhaled slowly. He quickly regained his composure, and his heartbeat returned to a steady rhythm.  

(Don’t take it seriously; it’s just lip service. If I accept the offer, I’ll only become a laughingstock.) 

Since they were being courteous, one ought to return their gesture. That’s just how things should be done.

“I am truly honoured, but…”

Right after that, the shrill wail of the alarm echoed through the hallway.

“Excuse me, captain!” The door swung open as a bald officer rushed in. “We’ve received reports of a kaiju attack in Oume City. Miniature class, but there are large numbers of them, and over a dozen civilians were reported dead. About the details...”

Listening to the report, Ashiro nodded. “Understood. Ebina, rally the entire team, including those off-duty.”

“Roger!” Ebina responded promptly to the order. “Man, we’re still in the middle of restructuring the division and issues just kept cropping up.”

“We’re againsting the kaiju, they wouldn’t care less about our situation.”

Ashiro picked up the phone from the table and quickly issued orders. However, as she had just recently been promoted to captain, the chain of command was still in disarray. If they were to engage Kaiju, her unit would probably face a severe troop shortage. That was why she could stolidly make such a proposal.

“Captain Ashiro, I could head to the site as well if you will.”

“Wha!? You’re the guy who’s here for a business trip, right? You’re from a different division is it not?” Ebina frowned.

“I carried my suit and weapons. I can at least help with disposing of the yoju.”

“Yeah, but even so…”

Ashiro cut Ebina off. “Hoshina, as the captain of the Third Division, I’m asking for your aid. I’ll make sure to run it by your division as well.”

“Captain, are you sure about this!?” Ebina raised his voice. “Based on the kaiju’s estimated fortitude, this operation is going to be extremely dangerous.”

“He’s a close-combat specialist; he can definitely be able to help us a great deal. Isn’t that right, Hoshina?”

"Right." Hoshina nodded. "I'm the best there is when it comes to neutralising miniature kaiju."

────────────────────────────────────────────────

[thisapplepielife]

Written for @corrodedcoffinfest.

Just Have to Feel It

Day #9 - Prompt: The Hideout | Word Count: 1000 | Rating: T | CW: Language | POV: Gareth | Pairing: None | Tags: Getting Started, First Gig at The Hideout

"I'm fourteen," Gareth says, stressing that last part, just in case they've all forgotten.

"Yeah, we're all well aware of that, kid," Eddie answers, smirking.

And that's not a problem? Fourteen-year-olds don't go to bars. Not even in small towns. It's just not done.

"And that's not a problem, you don't think?" Gareth asks aloud, looking at the rest of them. They're all kids. Maybe Eddie isn't, but the rest of them are. And they are never, ever gonna pass for over eighteen. Jeff has braces, for fuck's sake.

"Lou said he'd look the other way as long as we don't do anything stupid. Stay away from the booze and the bar floor, and we can play on Tuesday. As a tryout, I guess," Eddie says.

His mom is never gonna go for this. Mama Jones is cool, but she's not allow her middle schooler in a bar, especially not on a weeknight, cool. Gareth damn well knows that without even asking.

Well, he was wrong and now his mom is sitting near the edge of the cobbled together stage at The Hideout. Holy shit. They're actually getting ready to do it. They're gonna play for an actual crowd. A small crowd. A very, very small crowd of about a dozen drunks that keep booing them and heckling. before they've even heard anything. This might have been a terrible idea, Gareth is pretty sure. But he'll go along with it, because Eddie wants to try this. See if they can actually play live together, outside of the garage or a school talent show. 

But getting booed? Having shit thrown at them before they've even started? Gareth's not sure he signed up for that. 

So, it's an understatement to say that Gareth's nervous, but he cracks his sticks together counting them in, and away they go. Eddie made the decision to have them play covers only, which is probably the best move they could make. These assholes are never gonna want to hear their original songs, but maybe, just maybe they'll tolerate some covers of things they already know.

The band comes in, on time, and together and that's the first hurdle to clear, honestly.

Gareth's not sure they sound good, but they don't sound terrible. They sound inexperienced and, well, scared. Even Eddie's being reserved, and if he doesn't kick it into high gear, they're gonna be run out of here, for sure. 

Someone throws a can, and Eddie ducks, which sends it straight towards Gareth. He reaches up on reflex, catches it, and throws it back, hardly missing anything.

Eddie turns to look at him, eyes wide. 

Gareth knew playing little league would come in handy someday, he just never guessed this would be the reason. 

And the crowd gets behind this act of defiance, even if Mama Jones looks mortified that her child would do such a thing. 

He just retaliated, he didn't start this shit. 

That puffs Eddie up a little bit, and he takes command of the stage in a way he hadn't yet. He's still a lanky kid, Gareth knows that, but at least he looks like they might belong on this stage, as shitty as it is.

They finish their first song, and the only positive reinforcement is from Mama Jones. She's clapping, and Gareth would be embarrassed if it wasn't so welcomed to hear at least one person enjoying themselves.

Everyone else is kind of being assholes at worst, or indifferent at best. 

They loosen up for their second and third songs, then by the time they've hit their final one, the crowd is at least refraining from hurling things at them.

Gareth supposes that's a win. 

Lou gives them the Tuesday slot, which makes Gareth wonder who the hell they had playing there before them. Because there definitely wasn't a clamoring to keep them on the stage, or get them back for another round, he's sure.

Eddie makes the deal, and then helps Gareth load his drums back into his mom's car while the rest of them pile into Eddie's van. 

When he slides into the passenger seat, his mom looks over at him.

"You were good, I'm proud of you boys," she says, and Gareth rolls his eyes, but is secretly happy with the compliment, down deep.

But, she let him do this, and he should be nicer, "Thanks for letting me do it. It was fun."

"I'll have to have a talk with Eddie, if you boys are going to do this every week. I don't know that I'll always be able to come."

"I'll be good," he says, and he means that. Eddie already treats him like a little kid, and he can't imagine that's gonna change in a bar, where he's under his care.

"You and Goodie sure sounded good together," she says, turning back on the highway.

He turns to look at her, "What?"

"You're the rhythm section, right?"

"Well, yeah. Sure."

"You worked together very well," she says, and Gareth laughs, harder than he means to, and she looks at him, questioning.

"Goodie and I never work together well," he admits, "He picks on me all the time."

"Well, you make nice music together. Maybe you'll learn to get along."

That seems unlikely. 

However, he does trust his mom's opinion on music. She gave private lessons for years. Not only piano, but other instruments, too. She's definitely where he gets his music from. Not his dad. Well, at least not that he knows of. It's not like he knows much about him.

But his mom? She's musical. She probably could have made it a career if she hadn't had him, and decided to stay in Hawkins to raise him.

"You really think so?" he asks.

"Definitely. That can't be taught, you just have to feel it together, and he got right in the pocket with you."

Maybe playing every week at The Hideout will make that flourish. Maybe they will be a real band. Holy shit.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @corrodedcoffinfest and follow along with the fun! 🦇

[chaeinedup]

1 + 1 = S2

Loud music could be heard from both rooms in the house. Your neighbours have probably grown accostumed to such thing, it meant it was going out night. Part of them was relieved it wasn't another noisy game night, which are pretty frequent as well.

You were seated on the floor, redoing your ponytails for the 3rd time. Your arms were on fire but you were committed to this look.

"Siri, call yuyu please."

"Calling yuyu."

.....

"Hello ? Y/n ?"

"Hiii just wanted to ask where you are."

"We're almost ready to leave the house. You guys ?"

"I'm almost done if my hair cooperates with me. Wooyoung is most likely waiting for me. I'm surprised he hasn't barged in my room yet."

"Try not to be late!"

"AS IF!!"

"Don't give me attitude missy. Now I'm gonna get the car started, I'll see you in a bit. Bye"

"Bye Bye, don't miss me!"

.....

After 10 more minutes you were finally done. One last look in the mirror and all that work paid off. The boots made your legs look longer and your mini skirt complemented the cropped shirt well. You grabbed your purse and headed to the leaving room where a very impacient Wooyoung awaited you.

"What took you so long ?"

"It takes time to look this good you know?"

"Pleeeease!!"

"Don't roll your eyes at me wooyoung I'll hit you."

"And I'd like it so who's really winning?"

He gave you his signature smirk and winked at you from the couch.

"EW. Let's go. The others already left."

The club was pretty crowded, expected for a friday night, but you weren't scared to get lost. You like to get loose. And it's not like you don't have 8 guys that are constantly keeping an eye on you.

"Don't run off on us again for the love of god."

"Seonghwa for your own sake if I stay none of yall are pulling anyone. Same applies to me."

"Why do you want to get with anyone ?"

"Wouldn't you like to know! I'm off, if you need me yell."

You made your way t the dance floor before he opened his mouth.

"BUT YOU WON'T HEAR IT!!"

"YEAH THAT'S THE POINT!!"

Since it was a 2000s night you were more than happy to have traded your comfortable apartment for the hell. It has it's perks.

You had no idea but someone was drilling holes in your head, Wooyoung was exceptionally bothered by how you left them behind.

"How can she just leave ?"

"Cause she can ?? What are you on about, chill she's not your girl."

Mingi's words were harsher than what met the eye. Sure you weren't dating but he can't lie that the though of some other guy touching you infuriated him. He kept denying his feelings and that maybe this was just him wanting to protect his friend. But Yunho smiled to himself when he saw Wooyoungs furrowed eyebrows.

"You should just tell her how you feel you know?"

"What feelings? It's just unfair we're her friends and she doesn't care."

"And you care too much for "just a friend" don't you think? Listen she can take care of herself she's always been this way, you get used t it."

Yunho tried to relax him but it just made Wooyoung get int his head. Maybe he should've stayed home. No, he couldn't possibly let you out of the house by yourself looking like that.

Meanwhile you were having the time of your life, you had met a group of girls that were on their bacherolette party. It's like you knew them all your life, screaming all the songs, taking pictures, clinking drinks. Girlhood.

You decided to go get another drink and since no one else wanted anything you went alone. Normally this would mean getting approached by a couple of random guys trying to smooth talk you and al of them failling to do so. But unlike other times, the voice behind you was familiar.

"So. Are you having fun ?"

"Oh my god Yunho, I am those girls are so fun. Did you know that the bride and groom met through mutual friends and they actually lived together for a while before he realised he had feelings for her?? How CUTE is that??"

He couldn't help but smile due to the resemblances.

"Yeah it's really sweet. I guess you really never know when love is ready to knock at your door. But what about you, have you gone maneater on anyone?"

"I kinda don't care honestly, I'm having a good time and that's all I care about."

"That's my girl. Now be sure to behave. If you need us, we're at the booth.

He kissed your cheek before disappearing into the sea of people.

You looked at the time, 5:23am. Time to call it a night. You sayed goodbye to the group of girls that accompanied you through the night and wished them all the best. Making your way up to the booths you realised you were a lot more under the influence than you thought. You didn't really care, it's almost the end of the night and the guys are more then used to this side of yours.

Once they saw you they cheered and clapped, you bowed like a princess and smiled at their unnecessary but appreaciated "welcome back".

"How many fishes did you catch sailor?" Mingi gave you another shot he had brought upstairs.

"A THOUSAND" You yelled and chugged the green liquid. "I'm kidding 0, there's no cute guys here."

You sat down next a very pouty Wooyoung.

"What's up with you? What happened to my loud and energetic comrade?"

He gave you no answer, just his cold gaze.

"Damn are you really that upset that I didn't stick around? I thought you were used to it by now."

He got up and made his way to the balcony. There's no way he's throwing a tantrum for something so stupid, you thought to yourself. You followed his angry steps.

"Be so fucking serious Wooyoung? What the fuck?"

He turned to you and you could see there wasn't a hint of alchool in his system. This wasn't one of his drunk stunts that he pulled when he wanted a tad bit more of attention. He was actually upset.

"Okay, I'm sorry I'm being so agressive, just talk to me woo, please."

"I don't like you running off on us that's all."

"That's not all Wooyoung, we've never been mad at eachother and it's not gonna start now."

You got closer to him holding his hands and caressing them. You were giving him your most sincere eyes and he couldn't believe that he was about to kiss you.

It caught you by surprise, so much so you froze in the first few seconds, not knowing if this was a dream or reality. You decide to give in nonetheless. His hands soft, like you remembered from all the times he touched your skin in times of need. Heartbreaks, cramps, tickles, you name it. He was always there for you.

Yunho sipped his drink with a victorious grin, as he watched from the inside. He looked at the rest of the guys and let out a "I told you so."

previous// //next

[acourtofthought]

People (e/riels) like to say that az and elain are so perfect together and they understand each other so well and better than anyone else, but no matter how close one looks at what has been written there is literally no evidence for this? Yes, Elain got him that powder for his headaches bc she saw him rubbing his temples, but that's literally Elain with everyone? She has always been observant and notice these things, like she got a mug thingy for Cassian that would keep his drink warm om flights, she got paints for Feyre - all of it just shows how Elain pays attention. And the secind gift she got him is more a joke towards Nessian and has nothing really to do with Az as a person? Azriel in turn knows she likes to garden, and bake perhaps, which, everyone literally knows about her. She's beautiful and kind, again, something everyone knows.

Truth is Elain knows nothing about the true Azriel, something HE even admits in his chapter, that she has no idea about the horrible things he's done. Not even Rhys and Cassian knows everything about him. Everyone are quick to shout that "Yes she does!!! Elain knows he fights and that he is a spy for the court!" and that is true, but it's very different from everything else he does. If Elain had been with them at the High Lord meeting, when he attacked Eris, I seriously doubt she would've liked that or if she had joined them in the dungeons and seen what he had done to those soldiers. Because Elain does not like violence and Azriel has never shown THAT side of him when Elain is around. His shadows even 'tend to vanish around her' and I've never read it as if his shadows don't like her, but more so Azriel thinks that part of him is too dark for her, and the shadows pick up on his emotions which makes them vanish, if that makes sense? And see violence and hearing/knowing what he does is very different. Elain "I think the world needs more gardens" Archeron is not going to see Azriel attack and almost kill Eris over a comment and think it is a good thing, even if there is undoubtingly far more to her that we haven't seen yet. But there is literally nothing between them that makes you think 'oh, they're actually pretty similar/equal' but someone she shares a lot of traits with... HER MATE.

At this point, if E/riel is endgame - that is a fanservice. Even though I'm pretty sure SJM don't care and she'll wrote whatever she wants. But since they like to throw that term around... I really need some news about this godsdamned book soon or I might lose my mind (actually I probably already have)

Sorry for this ranting ask, but the more time passes I feel like I've missed something that truly sets up Az and Elain??

"His shadows kept him company, as they always had and always would"

"They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around."

"Could have sworn his shadows sang in answer"

They can deny it all they want but Sarah was very intentional in that bonus chapter. She tells us how his shadows are his FRIENDS. Followed by his friends often disappearing around Elain (while in the book she mentions how they're afraid of the sun). And follows that up by the shadows being curious of Gwyn, twirling to her breath and singing in response to Gwyn's song. I don't care if you want to completely eliminate Gwyn's part in all that but it doesn't change that Az in his own words admitted that his shadows are his companions which means he's fond of them, yes? Yet in his own words as of the most recent book, not whatever excerpts an E/riel wants to pull from two books back, they tend to vanish around Elain. For the character of Az, that is not going to be a desirable thing. If he likes his shadows then why would he want them to disappear? Even if they came about because of his trauma, they are the thing that got him through and his power is based on his ability to talk to them. He's not a Shadowsinger without his shadows 🤦(also, how exactly would their "couples" spy missions work if his shadows are nowhere to be found?).

Elain did get Az headache powder which means she's very observant. They try to twist this into a super special E/riel moment but by doing so they detract from what Sarah is building for Elain's entire character. In the same book she noticed Az rubbing his temples we had this line:

"It's their tradition, though." Elain countered, her face still flushed with the cold. "One that they fought and died to protect in the war. Perhaps that's the better way to think of it, rather than feeling guilty. To remember that this day means something to them. All of them, regardless of who has more, who has less, and in celebrating the traditions, even through the presents, we honor those who fought for it's existence, for the peace this city now has."

For a moment I just stared at my sister, the wisdom she'd spoken. Not a whisper of those oracular abilities. Just clear eyes and an open expression.

Elain is a brand new fae having just come into this world yet she's already grasped the meaning behind the holiday they're celebrating. How exactly would she already have come to that conclusion when Feyre was struggling to see it though Feyre has been in the NC longer than her? When the NC has Feyre's people (more so than Elain's people) considering she's their High Lady? Elain looks, she listens.

"But Elain had seemed more than content to simply watch the humming city, to take in the sparkling strands of faelights strung between buildings and over the squares, to sample any tidbit of ffood offered by an eager vendor, to listen to minstrels busking by the now-silent fountains."

"I'd forgetten," Feyre murmured. "About this, and about her dancing." "Nesta never spoke of it afterward," Elain said. "I just observed."

E/riels seem to gatekeep Elain's entire personality, acting like everything she does is about a man when in reality, that's just Elain. It's like Steph said, not everything Sarah writes is meant to be romantic and Elain noting Az rubbing his temples is just Elain being Elain, watching the world around her. It's not special or unique just to Az.

I agree with you though, I truly lack seeing any evidence of how Az and Elain are right for one another. He avoided her for a year though she was struggling with the loss of her father, with the loss of Graysen, with her fights with Nesta. These are romance books yet the possible MMC love interest doesn't care to be there to show emotional support for the FMC? Simply because he can't handle her bond? Feyre was in love with Tamlin, was going to marry Tamlin yet Rhys still called in his bargain with Feyre once a month just so he could try to help her. Az cared more about his own feelings than Elain's well being and no matter how much twisting E/riels try to do that is the canon of it. Lucien stays away because he believes it's what Elain wants, he's honoring her need for space just like Rhys gave to Feyre until she called out. Az stays away, not because it honors what Elain wants but because he cares more about himself than what is best for her. Lucien doesn't need to spend time with Elain to know her though, he has a direct link to her soul. Az does not, therefore if he cared to know her he actually needs to spend time with her. And Elain didn't seem to be bothered knowing that Az was struggling either, she never asked how he was though the bonus clearly showed he's a mess. E/riels will claim it's because they can understand one another without words, that they can silently check on the other without conversation but that is honestly the dumbest argument ever. Even Rhys and Feyre with their daemati powers still shared in actual dialogue 😂

The author said Elain and Lucien are happiest in nature, not Az and Elain.

Elain is bothered by cruelty, Az admits Elain has no idea the things he's done and even if she does, he doesn't believe in her enough to be honest with her.

Az didn't believe she could handle the Trove after she was the one who helped him rescue Briar, after she was the one who saved him from the hounds, after she was the one who stabbed the King of Hybern. Amren had to yell at Rhys for putting Feyre in too much danger while Amren had to reprimand Az for not believing in Elain. Only one of those things is mate like behavior.

Sarah did set up E/riel to share in something but I think we saw that play out in the bonus (because nothing in the actual book of SF built up the E/riel ship - a "charged" glance is really nothing when you consider how far Sarah will go with other pairings who don't even end up together). Elain and Az, in their first true moments alone together, when we're in Az's POV amounted to the confirmation that he's been avoiding her, she didn't even seem bothered by the fact that he'd been avoiding her, he feels he'll taint her and thinks of her as too pure and innocent, he hasn't thought on how to actually be with her beyond his sexual fantasies and his bonus ended with her returning his gift and his happiness over the thought of another females happiness.

E/riel was a temporary distraction until it was time for Elain and Az to have their individual stories with their true endgame person, just like many other failed relationships in Sarah's other books. Temporary situations until they were ready to be with their mates.

Readers can come up with as many arguments as they want for why E/riel is happening, they can think about all the mafia romances they've read and try to liken Az and Elain to that, they can pretend Sarah is gearing up for forbidden romance (though every single time she's written a forbidden romance it's pretty much ended in death or unhappiness, i.e., the LoA being beaten by Beron because of Helion, Sorscha dead, Chaol / Aelin not working out, Theia sharing a forbidden romance with Fionn only to stand by as he was murdered and later found her mate in Aidas), but it's not going to change anything. Sarah is Sarah and Sarah likes fate and mates and it's not at all difficult to understand what SHE likes in her endgame pairings. I don't care what that reader likes or believes because they are not the ones writing the book. If I want to know what to expect than I'll pay attention to Sarah's work, not their headcanons and based on Sarah's work, Az and Elain do not truly know one another. Az and Elain are not setup to be the true romance. I don't care how many cutesy moments anyone thinks they share it will not matter. Just like Feyre and Tamlin's did not matter. Just like Chaol and Celaena's did not matter. Just like Dorian and Celaena's did not matter. Just like Dorian and Sorscha's did not matter. Just like Chaol and Nesryn's did not matter.

I'm sorry that was long and heated, yours was much less ranting than mine. I'm just getting a bit tired of all the ridiculous arguments I've seen this week.

I think it's pretty evident that if Sarah wanted us to believe Lucien wasn't right for Elain's endgame person she would have already started planting those seeds, we would have seen them truly interacting and getting to know one another on page so we could see why they didn't mesh. And no, Elain saying "I don't want a male or a mate!" isn't a seed. Feyre saying "why not make them mates!" isn't a seed. Elain ignoring Lucien isn't proof they don't gel. These characters have all been working through something heavy things and they need time before "forever" so it's not a big deal that Elain isn't read to confront a lifelong mating bond that gives her a glimpse into Lucien's soul. Feyre clearly needed time in ACOMAF yet Sarah had her agreeing to Tamlin's proposal at which point Sarah laid out why Tamlin was never going to be right for her, his lack of desire to really talk through their traumas and instead fixated on the physical (sounds familiar right?), his wanting to protect her despite her proving how she was capable too (also sounds familiar). It wasn't until Feyre left Tamlin and began working through her emotional baggage that she was able to fall in love for the right reasons, with her mate, someone she secretly knew she was always drawn to but hadn't been ready to give in to that.

If Sarah wanted me to believe that Az was the one for Elain, not Lucien, she would have pulled a Tamlin / Feyre with Elucien, where in SF Lucien says he hadn't thought of truly being with Elain beyond tasting her, where they'd ignore talking about what they just went through during the battle or their losses and would rather make googly eyes at each other over the dinner table. Instead that's what Sarah gave us with E/riel while she has Lucien patiently and silently waiting in the wings until Elain needs him, just like she had Rhys patiently and silently waiting in the wings for Feyre.

[dr5amatic]

READER, WRITER, PROTAGONIST ,

a sentence starter prompts list comprised of quotes from omniscient reader's viewpoint by sing shong. please be advised that this list may involve topics including, but not limited to, murder, death, and violence. change verbiage as needed.

we are companions separated by life and death.

i remember the moment i read a novel for the first time.

it isn't important to read the letters. the important thing is where the letters lead you.

perhaps it was similar to learning about death. for the first time, i realized that something was finite.

if i am really a god then i am the most incompetent god in the world. the most helpless god in the whole world who knows everything but can't explain anything.

i believe in you more than the future that hasn't come yet.

ultimately, every human is their own writer.

helping someone who didn't want help can be a curse. however, some people can't ask for help despite needing help because they had never asked for it before.

what i am looking for is passion. i hope you have the passion to see the end of this damn story with me.

by the way, are you a couple?

tell me, you fool. if i continue to regress, will i ever get to meet you again?

[name]. can i hit you?

you will be my companion and you will see the end of the scenario.

the story won't end unless the reader gives up on the story.

i am an ordinary person with ordinary skills. but even so, this doesn't mean i can only do ordinary things.

i am [name]. and you shall die here.

get lost, [name].

this story is for just that one reader.

hey, just say that you like him. quickly.

there is no weight to sadness.

in the end, to every human being, the most precious thing is themselves. and you risk everything of yours always.

strangely, i've been craving something sweet lately. do you want to eat?

release your hand and get lost, you damn son of a bitch.

i have a companion already.

i always regretted about something in my life. however, my regret over the things i haven't done is way bigger than for those that i did do.

i don't know anything about the future. however, i do know this. you said that you want to save this world? it's the same for me too.

you are the world i wish to save.

you are like dough made by anyone while a god was carving him for a thousand days.

i might be a killer but i don't want to become a monster.

those who read more than fifty chapters of a boring novel aren't normal.

eat the soil, [name].

marry him? i'd rather kill myself.

it's my freedom to decide what i hear and what i remember. and i shall decide who i am.

i'm only good to people who are also dead. i'm sorry that we met when you are a living person. you should die soon and come back again.

justice, in most cases, is just something that is agreed upon by the majority.

don't you know that people are the most dangerous in an apocalypse?

i can kill all of them if i want. therefore, i can save all of them if i want.

it's been a while, [name]. you are still ugly.

i shall pray that you may continue to exist somewhere too.

you probably know this already, but i'm not a prophet. no, i am as far removed from such a being as you can get.

if you get a chance to run again, do you believe you can see it better the next time?

where do you plan to die alone?

why are you going so far to save me?

i have something i need to ask that fool.

it was a really great story. isn't that right? let's meet again, [name].

give me [name]. then i will spare you.

you are necessary for this world. i need you.

you will be killed by the person you love the most.

i won't give up on this life, so don't give up either.

don't worry. i'll do the rest.

everything has already been written, and at the same time, still being written.

even if i was a little bit less happy, i wanted to live longer.

we can save the world. you know that, right?

you always had to endure these moments all by yourself. fortunately, you aren't alone this time.

the fact that you can regress at any time means that death is meaningless.

i will decide my story.

perhaps you understood my heart more than anyone else.

this version of you is the despair of the world itself.

i will never sacrifice myself again. i will not leave my companions behind.

it has always been once chance for me.

one's life should always be greater than a story written about them.

i'm giving you the opportunity to become its very first reader.

don't be an ass and just read it when i tell you to.

fine, fine. i'll definitely read it.

some stories can only begin anew after coming to its end.

you're the cowardly lion, obviously.

do you still believe that you can understand someone through just a few lines of text in a couple of chapters?

knowledge is never perfect.

how do you know all my weaknesses...?

why did you die for us over and over?

you're our son. that is all that matters.

i want to buy a really big house and live together with everyone.

a person who watched a certain story for a long time would eventually grow to resemble that story.

your salvation is cruel. like rescuing a drowning person with a blade, those saved by you are inflicted with an unhealable wound.

i always hated you. and regretted it, too? why did i write the story of someone like you with my own hands?

[radplaidtacofan]

Idk if anyone will see this or care but this is my coming out post

I'm 33 and I think I'm finally done pretending I'm something I'm not. I've known since I can first remember that I was a guy. My first memories are of running around shirtless, being told I would have to cover up soon and not understanding why. I wondered why I didn't have a dick. I always wanted to prove how strong I was, how fast I was, how high I could climb, etc. I remember when I first learned about puberty and I was 100% certain that, when the time came, I could pick which one I'd be and I knew I'd pick male. I couldn't wait to start growing a beard and look like Riker.

The dysphoria has always been really fucking bad. The autism, ADHD and OCD made me miserable already but dysphoria made me so badly depressed by the time I was 10 I was constantly thinking about ... well, let's just say that I never thought I would see 33.

I found out being trans was A Thing and started binding, begging my parents and doctors to let me start hormones, etc. I had a really shitty person at CAMH tell me that I didn't meet the criteria? Lmao. He's probably retired now and I hope he's miserable tbh.

I did eventually take T in my early 20s for about a year, then I had a breakdown thinking I was making a huge mistake... because I didn't think I'd ever be happy. I feel wrong down to my fucking DNA. Even now I'm fighting with myself because I feel terrible that I can never be a cis man and it just... it kills me.

So yeah, I decided to chug copium for years thinking that if I tried really really hard I could accept being female and be Okay.

Hahahaha. Ha.

The funny thing is, even when I was chugging copium I was still thinking things like, "If someone had a magic wand and could make me a cis male I'd say yes without hesitation," or, "I wish Star Trek was real cause they could fix me easily," or even, "Wearing a dress is drag."

I still felt like I was being weird by looking at bras, panties and swimsuits. (Not that there's anything wrong with that if you're into drag! And I'd fight anyone who tries to make trans women feel bad. It's just, personally, it doesn't feel Right for me.) I assumed people saw me as a man. I really played up being girly. I'd be giggling and acting flirty and barf. But I thought I was being very Gender and convincing people! And that's what I was trying to do: convince people. People who didn't need convincing because they saw me as a woman. It was just me who didn't.

Fun fact: I quote this all the time and people keep looking at me weird.

Anyway, I've been in a bit of a mental breakdown over the past few days because my brain finally said, "You know what? Fuck this and fuck you. You know what you are, goddamn idiot bastard man." So now I'm trying to be less of a goddamn idiot bastard man and continue the process I started when I was like... 3. I'm gonna make little me so fucking proud when I grow that beard (god I hope I can grow a beard) and get this weight off my chest.

I haven't figured out what name to go by yet because I've been through several since I told my parents I hated my name when I was like 10 and none of them fit. But I am a man and I am starting the process of making that obvious to everyone around me.

I already know some people are gonna be challenging but fuck it, we ball!

[max1461]

I have a lot of thoughts about epistemology and the nature of procedural knowledge. Studying linguistics really impresses upon you just the sheer amount of human knowledge that is procedural and implicit. Languages are these huge, ridiculously complex systems, and even when it comes to the most thoroughly documented language in human history (English), you can still make an entire career documenting as-yet-unknown minutiae of some corner of a corner of the system. It's very difficult to impress upon non-linguists just how big and ill-understood languages are.

There is no book which explains the whole of English grammar. No one on earth knows the complete rule-set of English grammar. Not even for one dialect, not even for one single speaker. No one on earth could write a comprehensive treatise on English pronunciation. We do not know how English works. We do not know how any language works.

And yet, these systems are, in their entirety, already stored in the mind of every native speaker.

When it comes to synchronic information, I literally already know everything there is to know about my dialect of English. I know the timing of every articulation, the exact rules for verb and auxiliary and quantifier placement, the phonology, semantics, syntax, the lexical variation, the registers, all of it. I can deploy it effortlessly while I am thinking about something else. I can form reams of perfectly grammatical English sentences without a second thought. I can deploy the most arcane rules of wh-movement and quantifier raising and whatever else. With no effort at all.

Tens of thousands of people having been making careers trying to document these things, not for my exact dialect but for varieties essentially the same as mine, for 60 years in earnest. And they aren't close to done. And I already know it all. And so do they! They already know it too! The hard part is accessing it, putting it down on paper. That requires experimentation, systematic empirical investigation—science.

So what this has really impressed on me is how much of human knowledge is procedural. How much of it is known only in the doing. I'd wager that's the significant majority of what we know.

This is related to two thoughts that I have.

The first is about the value of unbroken lines of cultural inheritance. With language, the difference between native speakers and second language learners is stark. I think it's safe to say, per current research, that someone who learns a language in adulthood will simply never have the same command of it as someone who learned it in childhood. There are a variety of tests which consistently distinguish native from non-native speakers. You can get very good at a language as an adult learner, good enough for basically all practical needs (except being a spy), but there's a bar your brain just cannot meet.

The unfortunate fact about language is this: if the line of native-speaker-to-child transmission is ever broken, that language is lost. You can try to revive... something, if you want. Like was done with Hebrew in Israel. But it will not be the same language. And not just in the sense that, by the passing of time, all languages inherently change. In a much stronger sense than that. No matter how big a text corpus you have, no matter how well documented the language is, there is an immense body of implicit, undocumented, procedural knowledge that dies when the last native speaker does. And you cannot ever get it back.

I think, often, about the fact that so much human knowledge is procedural, is used and understood and passed on in illegible, difficult to codify ways. I think about the effect that a rapidly changing world has on this body of knowledge. Is it going to be essential for human prosperity? Probably not. But that doesn't mean that losing it will harmless. Certainly I expect much of it to be missed.

The second thought is about an epistemic distinction that I've had in my head for a long time, a distinction I'd like to refer to as that between a science and an art.

An art is any endeavor for which there is an established methodology, an established set of procedures and rules. These rules can be explicit and codified, like the rules of a game, or implicit, like the grammar of a language. They can be absolute or they can be mere guidelines. But in essence, an art is anything you can get good at. Math is quintessentially an art. Football is an art. Ballet is an art. Painting is an art. An art is any endeavor in which procedural knowledge is acquired and channeled and refined and passed on.

Art contrasts with science. A science is any endeavor in which one is shooting blind. Science is the domain of guesswork and trial-and-error. Sciences are those domains that do not lend themself to practice, because... what would you practice at? You cannot get better at science, because science is not about skill. Science is about exploration. It necessarily involves forging your own path, working with odd and faulty tools and odd and faulty ideas, trying to get them to work. Science only exists at the frontiers; when a path is well-tread enough that a body of procedure becomes known and practiced, that path is now art and no longer science.

This distinction is not a taxonomy. Everything we do involves a little bit of art and a little bit of science. Everything involves both a refinement of known skills and an exploration of new avenues. Of course there's a little bit of science in painting, there's quite a lot of science in painting. Every modern and contemporary art museum is full of it! And there's science in math, every once in a while. And there's art in biology and chemistry. Art and science are two modes of engagement, and different endeavors demand them of you in different ways.

Perhaps science is like a glider (you know, from Conway's game of life?), traveling ever outward, and with enough passes over the same area leaving art in its wake. And I think in some sense that all real human knowledge exists as art, that all endeavors capable of producing true insight are either arts or sciences buttressed by a great many supporting arts. Although maybe I'm wrong about this.

I think history is mostly science, and in large part history as a field seems to be on quite solid epistemic footing. So I don't want to convey the idea that science is inherently dubious; clearly from the above description that can't be my position. Nor is art inherently trustworthy—for instance I think jurisprudence is primarily an art, including religious jurisprudence, which of course I don't place any stock in. But I do think I'm getting at something with the idea that there are a range of epistemic benefits to working within an art that one lacks access to in a totally unconstrained science. This is also closely related to my ideas about abstraction and concretization schemes.

Language is an art, one of the oldest arts, but modern linguistics is more or less a science. Like any good science, linguistics has certain arts unique to itself—fieldwork and the comparative method come to mind—but the most vibrant parts of the field at present are science through-and-through. It's a science whose objects of study are arts, and I think maybe that's part of why I've become so aware of this distinction. Or, language is the ur-example of an art, the art from which (if I were to conjecture wildly) I think the cognitive machinery for very many other arts has been borrowed. But I don't really know.

Anyway, those are my thoughts.

[flowersdiceandlove]

Answering the ask about the tgcf rairepair wip ask here because I put it in my drafts and now it's nowhere to be found:

To whoever asked this: THANK YOU! Seriously, thank you so much. This was the first ask I saw and I was immediately inspired to go work on it. At the time the ask came in, the doc was ~16-17k words. It is now at *checks word count* 44,408 words. And, I'm not even done with it yet. I think I might have already reached the halfway point, but honestly 🤷‍♀️

Now, for what it's about! It is Xie Lian x Pei Ming. It starts out about 10-20 years after Xie Lian leaves Banyue. While trekking through the dessert and rocky terrain further North, Xie Lian's bad luck rears it's head and he stubbles into a sex-swap array. In order to return back to a male body, he needs a lot of spiritual energy to break through the effect of the array. Which he, of course, does not have access to.

Xie Lian makes for a very pretty young woman, and in combination with his cursed shackle making his luck truly horrible, he ends up gaining the attention of kidnappers and smugglers wanting to traffic him (this isn't super prominent, but more of a background happening that Xie Lian is having to deal with). About 20-ish years pass of this, and while Xie Lian is having tea in a teashop in the North, a young man joins him, flirting and pouring him tea and ordering snacks for them both. Xie Lian soon needs to leave the teashop because he notices some bounty hunters or whatever that the kidnappers/smugglers keep sending after him for messing with their smuggling rings. The man, however, follows, saying it's dangerous and he'd hate if anything bad happened to Xie Lian (still thinking XL's just a pretty, young maiden who can't defend herself). Before Xie Lian can send him away, they start getting shot at with arrows, and run down the city's alleys dodging the pursuers. Once they escape the fight, Xie Lian removes the bandage around his neck to bandage a small wound on himself which reveals the cursed shackle there. It's then that the young man reveals himself as Pei Ming and Xie Lian says who he really is too.

The fight had piqued their interest in each other's martial abilities, so Pei Ming arranges a spar to test each other out. Pei Ming loses, by a lot, but insists on continuing to spar against Xie Lian so he can improve his skills. Xie Lian, not having had good company and an even better sparring partner in a long time, agrees to keep meeting with Pei Ming and they strike up an unexpected friendship. Throughout this time, Xie Lian remains stuck as female because, even if they are friends and Pei Ming has the necessary amount of spiritual energy, trying to transfer that amount of spiritual energy into Xie Lian in the traditional sense is likely to have negative side effects for both of them. Pei Ming, however, thought up a solution to their problem: dual cultivation, the process of which is to build up a great deal of spiritual energy between people slowly through the act of sex. Xie Lian, naturally, declines. Firmly. Repeatedly, when Pei Ming says that his offer stands if Xie Lian changes his mind. You see, Pei Ming likes pretty women, and right now, Xie Lian looks like a very pretty young woman with gentle smiles, which Pei Ming also likes.

(This is the part that I worry about with this fic (not enough to make me not want to write it, but wonder if I should even share it in case someone is hurt by my words and themes in it). Out of all my writing, this one is probably the most "problematic." I wanted to keep Pei Ming as in-character at the start of this as I could, and then slowly have him go through some character development. Because of this, he's sexist in his views of women and this is evident in his conversations with Xie Lian and his pov when I go into it. There is also Xie Lian's gender versus his sex since he was born male and identifies as a man, but through the effects of an array was unconsentingly turned female. He uses he/him pronouns throughout it all and Pei Ming also uses those pronouns for him, but Pei Ming also teases Xie Lian sometimes, calling him a "princess" or "beautiful young lady" and flirts with him as if he's actually a young maiden which Xie Lian always replies, reminding Pei Ming that he's a man. Pei Ming hasn't forgotten this and does respect Xie Lian as a man and his martial skills as a fellow man, thinking that it is unfortunate that Xie Lian's found himself in such an unlucky circumstance, but he does still flirt and tease Xie Lian a bit about his maidenly appearance. He's also attracted to Xie Lian "because he's such a pretty young woman right now." I haven't researched how ancient China was about gender and stuff because in the novels, it's already kinda established how people differing from the gender norm are viewed (Xie Lian saying “…No, Miss, please don’t misunderstand, this isn’t a hobby of mine” when Xiao-Ying saw him in the bridal outfit during the first arc and then other instances of similar things) so I've been trying to go off of that. Also, since it seems that there aren't the same modern terms for things such as "trans" or "gay" in the novel setting, I'm instead trying to explain things without using those terms and that is a bit difficult to do when the characters wouldn't know those labels exist, the characters and setting is at least a little sexist, and the people inhabiting the world view queer things as odd and need to be explained away. I'm also a cis woman (and a lesbian) so my views of things and what I find triggering are limited to my own experiences. Mostly I just don't want people to get hurt by my writing if I explain something or depict something in an insensitive way. If I do ever post this work or share more about it, I'd put trigger warnings on it, just so people know what's in it and can avoid it to take care of themself if needed.)

Now, back to the actual plot: Xie Lian and Pei Ming continue to keep meeting, sparing, and spending time together as friends (that Pei Ming keeps flirting with Xie Lian throughout) over a number of decades and Xie Lian starts falling for Pei Ming, cherishing him as a friend and becoming interested in more. Xie Lian knows, though, that Pei Ming is only interested in his female body and will never want Xie Lian beyond male friendship or het sex. He has some angst about it, but decides that he's just happy being Pei Ming's friend and will just have to figure out how to be content with that. Pei Ming, though, virgin-killer that he is, clocks Xie Lian's desire for him even before Xie Lian realized it and has been dialing up the flirtations and trying to seduce Xie Lian.

Eventually, after about 50 years, Xie Lian snaps and hauls Pei Ming in for a kiss which Pei Ming is very happy about, his seduction plan working. They start a little affair, Pei Ming taking it slow, as he has, and letting Xie Lian take the lead on the limit of their physical intimacy as Xie Lian slowly starts being open to more. Throughout their affair, Xie Lian is insistent that they remain friends. He makes Pei Ming continue to talk to him and treat him as a male friend and not just another lover on his long list because he knows the affair will eventually end and he wants to be able to still be friends with Pei Ming when it does.

Finally, Xie Lian feels comfortable enough with his desires for Pei Ming and worked through enough of his training that forbid it, and decides that he wants to have sex with Pei Ming. Xie Lian tells Pei Ming and Pei Ming sets it all up. So, they dual cultivate, Xie Lian gets his male body back--which he is very happy about--and Xie Lian thinks that's the end of their little affair. After that, Xie Lian slides back into his role as Pei Ming's friend, not overstepping into lover territory thinking Pei Ming would be uncomfortable with it since he expressed that he's only attracted to Xie Lian's female body, not men, in the past. Pei Ming, however, is struggling with the fact that he's still attracted to Xie Lian even now that he's male again. In fact, he's seeing how much more at ease Xie Lian is now that he has his preferred body back and thinks that it makes him even more attractive (being comfortable and confident in your own skin is attractive after all). He's having a bit of a gay/bi panic, but knows he's attracted to Xie Lian even if he doesn't understand why and so he keeps flirting with him like he has. Xie Lian just thinks Pei Ming is naturally flirtatious and that that's why he's continuing to flirt with him, not that he's actually still interested. Since Xie Lian still has feelings for Pei Ming, but thinks that Pei Ming would be uncomfortable if Xie Lian acted on those feelings, he diverts the conversation whenever Pei Ming starts coming onto him.

Pei Ming eventually makes it clear that he desires Xie Lian as a man even if he doesn't understand it himself or what it means, but wants to continue their affair. Xie Lian agrees to continue it as well, surprised by it, but happy to still be able to be with Pei Ming in this way. He still thinks it's inevitable that the affair will end eventually, but is happy to keep being with Pei Ming for as long as he wants him.

And, this is where I've written up to. I have a vague idea of where this will go, but not super concrete and I don't know exactly how to end it or what to do with Hua Cheng because I love Hua Cheng and I want him to be happy but how can I do that if Xie Lian is with Pei Ming? 😭😭😭 I've been playing around with the idea of polyamory, but am not sure if that would contradict some other elements I've included. I'll figure it out eventually as I keep writing, though. The answer will come in time. Just gotta have faith in that.

As for the idea of where I want it to go: Pei Ming and Xie Lian are going to continue being lovers and maintaining their friendship. Pei Ming is going to start messing around with other men, trying to figure his whole "attraction to Xie Lian" thing out. Xie Lian will be vaguely aware of this since, as part of being friends, Pei Ming tells Xie Lian about some of his sexscapades. Xie Lian just listens with a fixed smile, humming and nodding when Pei Ming expects repeating in his head you asked for this. you asked for this. you asked for this. because he did ask for it since this is what Pei Ming talks to his friends about and he wants to stay as "friends who can talk about personal things" in Pei Ming's eyes and not seen as "lover who will be jealous about other affairs so don't talk about them to lover."

After a bit of time, Pei Ming decides that if he's going to sleep with a man, he should just sleep with Xie Lian since he's a better choice than the other no-name men that Pei Ming was fooling around with. Xie Lian is much more handsome and beautiful and kind and overall just more attractive, is Pei Ming's objective opinion. And stupidly sexy. Pei Ming thinks Xie Lian is ridiculous levels of sexy for someone who's been a virgin with no experience in any matters of the heart and flesh for centuries. So, Pei Ming goes to Xie Lian more and more to hang out as friends, spar, and have sex.

Slowly, over the course of a few decades (and, wow, Pei Ming keeping the same lover for decades!? It's longer than Xie Lian expected, but he's not going to question it. Maybe it's different because they're both immortal??) Pei Ming stops telling Xie Lian about as many of his other lovers he's had, the number of stories about new ones dwindling. Xie Lian is torn between bringing it up like he did when they first started their affair and he basically said "Pei Ming, stop hiding this from me. We're friends, so talk to me even if you think I won't like it" and just letting Pei Ming stop telling him about his other affairs since he really doesn't like hearing about them. He decides to keep his mouth shut for now, but maybe bring it up in the future.

Pei Ming, however, has not realized his stories about new lovers has lessened because he has not realized that his number of new lovers has lessened. Or his desire to get more new lovers. He still has casual flings, but no where near the amount he had, more and more of his wants being fulfilled by Xie Lian. After so many centuries of the same casual flings and numerous lovers, why would he think it would suddenly change just because he started sleeping with Xie Lian? He doesn't, so he doesn't notice it.

Until someone points it out.

I think that it would probably be Ling Wen or Shi Wudu when the three of them are hanging out in the Mortal Realm and an attractive young woman that has definitely been Pei Ming's preferred type walks by, and might even flirt with Pei Ming a bit, before going. Ling Wen and Shi Wudu exchange a look, completely expecting for Pei Ming to now ditch them to chase after the pretty lady and used to it, but then, Pei Ming...doesn't. He turns back to the two of them to return to their conversation, continuing with the topic they were talking about before the woman walked by, and doesn't spare her a second glance. He doesn't even make a comment on her beauty one way or another. It's like he doesn't even care. (and he doesn't. In his mind, Xie Lian has become the epitome sexy and all things desirable, and that woman is not Xie Lian.)

So, Ling Wen or Shi Wudu (or it could even be Shi Qingxuan, idk yet) make a comment about it since it's so out of character for Pei Ming to not chase a pretty lady. prbly goes smth like:

"Aren't you going to go after her?" "After who?" "That girl. She was clearly interested in you" "She was?" "Didn't you think she was pretty? She's your type, isn't she?" Pei Ming turns around in his seat, to look at the lady, thoughtfully. "...Yes. I guess she is quite pretty. ...Definitely what I usually find attractive..." It's then that it starts donning on him, and he looks back at his two friends. "WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I SLEPT WITH A WOMAN!?" Ling Wen: "Am I supposed to keep track of all your affairs? I'd never get any work done if I tried to do that."

Pei Ming, suddenly having a deep crisis trying to remember the last time he had sex with someone who wasn't Xie Lian, stands and says he has to go, leaving in a hurry. Ling Wen and Shi Wudu let him go without fuss, used to being ditched by him in favor of sex and think that's what he's going to go do--have sex with some woman. Pei Ming, however, is in no mood to have sex and realizes he really can't remember the last time he had sex with someone other than Xie Lian, and that it's been at least decades since then.

Without really thinking anything through, Pei Ming goes to find/confront Xie Lian still panicked about this sudden paradigm shift. Xie Lian is completely confused as to why Pei Ming showed up, looking outraged and was calling him a seductionist (if anyone has any other names that PM could call him, let me know, bc I'm having a hard time thinking them up. all the ones I can think of are targeted towards women, which, wtf?? why are all the seduction insults about women??) and asking "What have you done to me!?!?" Pei Ming basically ends up spilling out how he's only slept with Xie Lian as of last few decades and he's okay with that and wants to keep sleeping with Xie Lian and is okay if he only sleeps with Xie Lian, and that he thinks he's in love with Xie Lian. Xie Lian's smile is growing bigger and bigger the longer Pei Ming is essentially ranting about the fact that he's in love with Xie Lian, giddiness bubbling up in his chest.

Finally, when Pei Ming pauses, Xie Lian calls out gently, "Pei Ming, I love you too."

idk how the rest of that conversation goes, but they get together more officially. I don't think Xie Lian would want Pei Ming to promise to be monogamous and not have any other affairs bc a part of him doesn't believe that Pei Ming would be able to keep that promise. Instead I think he'd make Pei Ming promise that, even if they are essentially in a monogamous relationship, to tell him if he sleeps with someone else or has a dalliance with someone else because he'd prefer to know than have Pei Ming hide it from him and go behind his back. He fell in love with Pei Ming thinking the other man would always be having affairs and other lovers, after all.

From here, things are really not clear in how I want this to go because I've thought about it so much and have multiple ways that I like. I think the more I right this au out, the clearer it will be, but, anyway. Either they just become serious lovers, or they could even get married. I kinda like the married version, but there are some problems with that. I'm wanting things to continue with canon up until at least a little after Xie Lian's third ascension, so people--especially Ling Wen and subsequently Jun Wu--not knowing that Pei Ming and Xie Lian got married is unlikely. I might be able to make it work, but it'll probably take some mental gymnastics. Another version has Pei Ming's revelation after Xie Lian ascends, right after the Mount Yujun mission. I do like Pei Ming and Xie Lian being together for a while before his ascension bc when people in the heavens find out (*cough*Feng Xin and Mu Qing*cough*) they would be like "Your Highness, you can't be in love with Pei Ming, he'd never be able to commit to someone. That's a horrible choice" and then Xie Lian could be like "Well actually we've been together/married for like 50 years now, so..." and everyone just being floored that Pei Ming could commit for so long and Pei Ming just shrugging and saying "It's true." I think that'd be fun. idk, we'll see where this fic takes me.

One thing I do know is how Xie Lian's third ascension and the Mount Yujun case goes. Ascension: Pei Ming is super busy with a lot of things in the north and so he isn't in the Heavenly Capital when Xie Lian ascends, nor will he be able to return for, like, a week or so. He does hear about it though, and dials up Xie Lian's private communication array like "Hi, babe! Congratulations on the ascension! Sorry I'm so busy right now, I'll make sure to be back up as soon as I can so we can celebrate in private *wink wink*" Xie Lian, also doesn't want to rely on Pei Ming to fulfill his debt, so he doesn't ask or tell Pei Ming about it.

Mount Yujun Mission: When Ling Wen tells Xie Lian about the mission in the north, he thinks that Pei Ming arranged it, and that this is his way of helping Xie Lian with his debt since he knows Xie Lian wouldn't like it if he just paid the whole thing off. Or, that the Heavenly Emperor gave him this mission bc he's Pei Ming's spouse and so it's kinda technically in his jurisdiction? Either way, he's fine with it. He's helped Pei Ming with missions before, so this will just be the first time it would be counted under his name. (reminder: the heavens have no idea that Xie Lian and Pei Ming are together or that they even know each other) Since Xie Lian knows that Pei Ming and his junior officials are all super busy right now, he doesn't ask them for help, and figures he shouldn't drag others into a "family matter." Fu Yao and Nan Feng still show up bc Ling Wen still insisted on asking. The mission goes about the same, but when he realizes that the ghost causing the trouble is one of Pei Ming's old lovers, he does feel a bit awkward about it. He also calls up Pei Ming first when he's fighting the dead brides asking about his past lovers, but Pei Ming is also in the middle of a fight and tells him to ask Ling Wen.

Anyway, things wrap up pretty close to canon. idk yet what happens with Little Pei and "General Hua" since Xie Lian and Pei Ming are together, so... 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I'll figure it out when I figure it out.

When they're all in the communication array talking about the mission, Pei Ming will actually show up to the conversation and politely ask Xie Lian how the mission went, wondering how much damage control he needs to do to make it up to Xie Lian for dealing with his crazy ex. But Xie Lian is "The mission is complete. What else is there to say? :)" "...Are you sure you don't have anything you want to say to me?" "There is nothing to say :)" Pei Ming is still feeling nervous but, lets it go. When the topic of Hua Cheng is brought up, Pei Ming says "Of course, Your Highness ran into Crimson Rain..." feeling exasperated once he's sure Xie Lian isn't hurt having long been dealing with Xie Lian's luck and strange circumstances happening because of it.

I did want canon to continue to about the Mid-Autumn Festival before things get revealed. Also, I think Pei Ming and Xie Lian's back and forth about Pei Xiu after the Banyue Arc would be way funnier if they were a couple. Xie Lian would be all "Babe, I love you, but little Pei messed up and needs to punished" and Pei Ming would Know He's Right, but still not like it and so the meeting in the Palace of Divine Might still happened, but Pei Ming and Xie Lian are basically an old married couple arguing their family affairs in front of the entire Heavenly Court without explicitly saying it's their family business. They'd be professional about it, and so it'd go much the same as canon. Which leads me into one of my favorite parts: How Xie Lian and Pei Ming flirt. When they're flirting, they always use each other's proper titles and formal language. Very formal language. The spout proverbs and simpering compliments and thinly veiled innuendos coated in flowery language that keeps escalating until one of them snaps and jumps the other. It's a game, really--a competition to see if they can get the other to break first. Which would just make their interactions in canon even funnier because they would have to use formal language and titles with each other in order to be professional. But, it's like a pavlovian response at this point. When one of them starts using overly formal language, the flowery and suggestive language just falls from their lips. They would have a really hard time reigning themselves back in and not just running back to Pei Ming's heavenly palace to fuck after the meeting because Jun Wu told Xie Lian to stay back and they thought they'd be free after this. They definitely meet eyes that say "later" in mutual understanding. I also want to see Pei Ming freaking out over Hua Cheng kidnapping Xie Lian from the Heavenly Capital. Especially since Pei Ming was in charge of security at the time.

Another idea I've been playing around with for this recently is Xie Lian being demisexual and Pei Ming being demiromantic. I haven't looked into those terms much so I'm not sure how accurate they'd be for this version of the two, but from what little I do know about those terms I think they might fit. Obviously, since I'm not using actual terms in the fic body itself, I wouldn't put them there, but I do think it'd be worth looking into to see if I should add those elements in.

Ahhh....So many ideas... I don't know which ones will make the cut. This became so long! And, yes, if you ask me about my other wips, they will also be long, rambley messes. I'm writing these like I'm talking to yall, spewing my ideas for your brains to read. If you want to know how I even came up with this idea, just ask, and I'll go into it, but idk if anyone would be interested and this is already so. long. If you have any other questions about this au, feel free to ask them as well 😊

And, yes, asks are still open about my wips and anything else as well, really.. There's not really a time limit on this particular ask game since I'm just wanting to get them finished. So, I guess it's only over once they're complete. If you want to look at the wip list, it is here.

[blueeofsl]

THIS IS PART 2 OF CASS UPDATE ANALYSIS! Here is part 1 if you haven’t read that yet

~~~~~

Which brings us to Page 7. Donnie is yelling at him. Telling him his flaws that Leo has had since forever. Trying to hold back even more anger than what he is already showing because It’s Leo. He just came back from dying alone in the apocalypse.

Notice in the first panel, the lines in the text bubbles are quite wobbly. This gives us the idea that not only is Donnie yelling, but he’s also showing quite a lot of emotion already. Something that we usually don’t see him doing around others. Maybe he’s even holding back tears.

In the last panel we see tears forming in Leo’s eyes as Donnie is finishing his ramble. He’s surprised to see this emotion from his twin but is showing that he’s listening. Even if his eyes show a hollowness to them (although looking back, its seems this is pretty consistent in Leo’s eyes. Could be me looking to much into it.)

~~~~~

Page 8. “Do you have any idea… how close you were to have nothing left to save?” Harsh, Donnie, harsh. But true.

While his twin was saying this, the frown Leo has turns into a smile. Note that this is the first smile we see from Leo in his new body.

I really like how Cass has shown a large portion of Leo in the first panel too, showing off the fact that yes, he has gone through so much pain and trauma, yet he is still whole. Because of his family saving him in the end. Scars are there, but the wounds (physical) have healed.

We see that he has more of a hopeful expression now.

Donnie asks him if he’s still listening, but Leo is probably more focused on the fact that his call for Donnie to yell at him (from after him being bitten by krang dog) has been finally answered.

~~~~~

Page 9, Leo finally speaks. First thing he says is his twin’s name, like a question. Like he can’t even believe it. There are tears still in his eyes, he’s barely able to hold back his emotions as he lets Donnie continue to talk.

The second panel is so cute though,, Leo’s big smile as he waits for Donnie.

“At least you’re talking.” This must have been a worry for Donnie. I would guess that he has been calculating a lot of risks to bringing back Leo and still has doubts. He continues to take notes in the third panel, when realizing that Leo isn’t immediately acting like his old self, thinking that there is more work to be done to make his twin happy.

But that’s where Leo stops him. As soon as Leo grabs him, Donnie stops what he’s doing. Usually Donnie isn’t the biggest fan of someone getting in the way of his research, but it’s Leo who is reaching out to him. He gives his full attention and puts away the notes.

This is also making me wonder if Donnie was guessing that Leo didn’t want to show so much emotion/talk about what has happened. So he decided to go on to making sure that Leo is okay as quickly as possible.

~~~~~

Page 10 shows a lot of emotions from Leo. Notice that when Leo reaches out this time, he is able to make contact with Donnie and pull his hand towards himself in the first panel. His expressions shows such disbelief and amazement of the fact that he can feel Donnie again.

In the second panel, we finally see those tears starting to fall. He shows so much hope here, his eyes even look fuller (there are bolder, multiple lines), and he perks up again.

But then, in the third and fourth panel, we see that doubt start to set in. Because he’s learned that in the apocalypse, having this sort of hope will make you arrogant, and an easy target for the Krang. This doubt has most likely kept Leo and many other people sane and alive because the range of emotions between being hopeful and being crushed by the results is so large.

In the fourth panel, we see how his mind is trying to crush him, that worry and sort of fear overwhelming him making the tears fall from his face.

~~~~~

Page 11. Theres a moment of silence as Donnie takes a moment to realize the emotions Leo might be going through. In the second panel we see the “twin senses” act up. And he must’ve finally gotten the idea that Leo needs a lot of comfort right now.

So Donnie goes right for the facts, with no flowery words. You’re alive, I’m alive. We’re real.

Leo is turned towards Donnie such that he’s anticipating the worst.

~~~~~

Page 12, Donnie continues to go right to the facts.

Safe. The krang are gone. Imagine hearing that after two decades of fighting a losing battle with the aliens. To suddenly hear that they’re no more.

Donnie has never been the best at comforting, and for a moment in the second panel, im pretty sure he tries to say that.

But instead, in the third panel, he raises his arms up for a hug. Because he knows for a fact that Leo needs some comfort right now.

~~~~~

Page 13, Donnie doesn’t wait for Leo’s self doubt to set in again.

He goes right for the hug, surprising Leo as he slowly goes to hug Donnie back,

As if still fearing that things still aren’t real to him.

We see that Leo’s twin senses act up, and that’s the moment where he starts to really realize that yes this is real. Yes, his twin is hugging him (which by the way, is so rare of him especially in the apocalypse).

The progression of Leo’s expression in these three panels is just,,, so good though. We see those emotional gates start to open, Leo starting to lose his hold.

And yet Donnie still holds onto him.

~~~~~

Page 14. Leo’s emotions finally show. The fear, pain, exhaustion, doubt, everything comes out at once. And it’s so strong that it pushes them both onto the bed.

Donnie lets him cry for as long as he needs here. He holds on and becomes the sort of anchor Leo has been seeking for so long (Leo probably not even knowing how badly he needed this cry). I would guess that this is one of the first times Donnie has seen Leo freely sob in a long, long time. Yet he smiles as he feels Leo cling to him, trusting him enough to let his emotions go. The fact that Leo finally allows himself to share his grief, frustrations, anger, fears, etc. With someone is the first step in the healing journey that cass may show us.

And in the last panel, I think Donnie is even rubbing Leo’s shell in a way of comfort.

~~~~~

Page 15, we see that Donnie is still holding onto Leo just as strongly even after the tears start to stop.

And then comes the joke. Because Leo has just been comforted by Donnie for who knows how long. His voice is probably shaky and raw from the crying, but he’s insistent on going through with the joke. And at least giving back some sort of comfort to his brother.

At the moment though, Donnie has no clue what’s going on. He’s not expecting Leo to crack a joke.

~~~~~

In page 16, we see the result of the joke surprises Donnie into a laugh.

Also notice how tightly Leo is holding onto Donnie’s tank top in panel one oh my god. He probably doesn’t want Donnie to pull away from him just yet because he’s expecting Donnie to criticize him on the joke.

Instead Donnie lets himself relax against Leo as he tries to contain the laughter.

PART 1

PART 2 (here)

PART 3

[coltrainbat]

Hi there. I just read yes no maybe both parts, and i loved it! It was so well written. Love everything about it. Since request are open can i ask first sex for Chris and reader? When it's her first time. She has waited for the one.

Pretty Special

A/N: Happy New Year! First one of 2023 and I must say I'm very happy with it if I do say myself but feedback is always welcome. 💕☘️

WARNINGS: SMUT MINORS DNI. 8k filth, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, pain during sex, sex, orgasm, P in V

You fiddled with your hands nervously in the black car. 

Chris had generously brought you out to LA for the week, you had been talking on FaceTime and over the phone for over 2 months now. 

Making it 2 months since you’d last seen him and 2 months since you’ve had his lips on you. 

You don’t think you’ve ever been on a holiday where you did so little planning, he’d organised everything from the flight to the car, you just had to show up with your bags. 

You had landed a little after sunset and thanks to the comfy first-class seat you were well rested and just excited to meet Dodger for the first time. 

The elephant of the room sat in the back of your head, a looming force reminding you of the make-or-break situation that the future of you and Chris hanged on. You were a virgin. 

It’s not like you were lacking in offers from suitors it’s just that it was never right for you, wrong location, wrong guy, wrong underwear, too drunk, too tired, too bored. 

You had done anything else but that final threshold of having a dick inside of you was yet to be crossed, and why else would Chris spend all this money and fly you out if it wasn’t for the expectation for a little hanky panky? 

It’s not like you didn’t want the gorgeous man on top of you. That was all you could think about the last two months whenever he’d send a photo without a shirt on or if he’d send a bit of a suggestive text. God, it was all you thought about. 

But what if it turned him off? 

Taking someone’s virginity may not be a lot to some guys but what if he thought you were some inexperienced prude? 

What if didn’t want you to get really attached to your first time, but who were you kidding you were already attached.

The sex would probably just make you a sappy begging mess. That’s if he does. Worst case he tells you to get the fuck out and find your own way home. But he wouldn’t do that… 

Would he? 

“We are here ma’am.” The driver pulled you out of your train of anxious thought, parking in the driveway of a luxurious house that was definitely trying to sell itself as modest. Single story. So modest. If it wasn’t in the most expensive suburb of Hollywood and completely gated. You looked out the window to see Chris jogging out of the house towards your door. Your stomach flipped seeing him. He looked so… cool. In sweats and a T-shirt. You suddenly felt extremely overdressed in your casual dress and sandals. He was in sweatpants for God sakes! But he looked absolutely delicious and less tired than he did 2 months ago. He seemed calmer, more relaxed, and absolute overjoyed to see you. 

He opened your door “Hey pretty lady! You made it.” You got out of the car opting for a hug because at this stage your relationship was still undefined, and you didn’t want to come off too strong by planting a big fat kiss on his plump pink lips. 

“I made it!” Omg you’re an idiot. 

He pulled you in close, sneaking a whiff of your hair. 

“Was the flight, ok?” 

“It was the best flight I’ve ever been on. So much leg room!” 

“Yeah the first class seats a pretty comfortable.” 

“Thank you again it was very generous but you didn’t have to.” 

“I want you comfortable so yes I had to.” He thanked the driver pulling your bags out of the trunk. 

Taking them and wheeling them up the driveway, you inched towards your bags, but he quickly shielded them from you “Hey no I got it.” You followed him to the front door where he stopped with his hand on the doorknob. 

“Just warning you, when I open this door, you will get attacked.” 

“I’m ready” you were grinning like an idiot, excited to see the pup in the flesh 

“if he’s too much I’ll pull him off you.” 

“Please don’t.” 

“Don’t say I didn’t warn ya.” He shook his head opening the door just a crack, but it wasn’t long between Dodger wiggled his way out, immediately going to sniffing and pawing at your legs, licking every surface he saw. 

“Oh hello! Hi puppy! Hi! Hi! Hey.. how are you?” You crouched down to be met with more puppy kisses. 

“Hey hey Dodge easy I haven’t even gotten a kiss yet.” Chris pulled him lightly by the collar. You looked at him smirking as blush rose to your cheeks. 

You rose, pecking him on the cheek. “More where that came from Evans.” He chuckled, leading you into the foyer with Dodged staunchly between your legs. 

“Did you eat already?” 

“I did, food was better than I get on the ground sometimes” reminiscing on the 5-star meal you had in the air. 

“Well can I get you a drink then? I have wine, beer, spritz...” 

“Beer is fine.” 

“Geez a woman after my own heart.” 

Your bags abandoned in the foyer you followed him into the modern kitchen as he fetched two beers from the fridge, pulling off the cap with his teeth. 

“Omg you’re gonna crack your teeth!” 

“Veneers.” He grinned at you, cap between his front teeth as he spat it onto the counter. 

“No way!” 

“Yep but don’t tell anyone.” He winked at you, handing you the ice-cold drink. 

“It’s a nice night why don’t we sit outside?” You nodded, sipping your drink as you made your way outside and settled on the plush outdoor couch. 

Chris right next to you, falling with a sigh. 

“Soooo…” 

“So.” 

“There’s a guest bedroom if you’d like, has a bathroom and everything I did it up for you. But I was kind of hoping you’d sleep in my bed but if you don’t want to…” You bit your lip at the suggestion. 

“I want to it’s just-“ 

“Yeah no sorry too soon I didn’t want to pressure you or anything.” 

“No it’s not that like I want to sleep with you. Badly” his eyes lit up your statement 

“I promise I don’t bite.” 

“I wouldn’t mind if you did I’ve just… I’ve never… slept with anyone before.” 

“Oh so you have a habit of sneaking out when the deed is done… should I lock the doors then?” He chuckled, holding the bottle to his mouth.

“No Chris, I haven’t had sex… with anyone.” 

“Wow.” A silence fell over you two.

“Yeah I know it’s embarrassing.” 

“No, its not, definitely not embarrassing. I’m just kind of shocked no one has gone there before I mean… god you’re gorgeous.” 

“It’s not that they haven’t tried I’m just… picky.” 

“Would you want me to be your first time? I mean I’d be honoured but I understand if you want to save it for someone special.” 

“I think you’re pretty special.” You smirked at him. 

“Well how about we sit down here for a little and then we can go inside.” He placed his hand delicately on your thigh, rubbing it softly. 

You leaned over towards his ear “I’ve wait this long why are you gonna keep me waiting longer?” You purred. 

His ears went red, immediately jumping up and pulling you up, wrapping his arms around you “we’ll go as slow as you want.” 

“Thank you but I think I’m more than ready.” He planted a soft kiss on your lips, putting his hand on your face, inching your neck back a little to deepen the kiss.

“Come on.” He led you inside towards the bedroom door. 

Dodger behind you two “Nah-uh, Dodger stay.” Chris told him, before he had a chance to sneak in with you two. The pup wined a little, falling on his stomach. “Sorry buddy adults only.” You sulked at him. 

You sat with Chris on the edge of the bed, side by side, his hand sliding to your waist as his softly palmed the fabric of your dress. 

“So how far have you gone?” 

“Everything but.” 

“Ok great so you won’t mind if I slip this thing off.” His hands went to the edge of your dress. “You first.” You stopped his hands, eyeing him. 

He groaned, getting up and ripping off his shirt. 

This was your first time seeing him shirtless in the flesh and you couldn’t help your mouth fall agape as your eyes widened, looking at the intricate tattoos covering his chest. You were desperate to the trace them. Pulling off his sweats, revealing some basic Calvin Kleins, with a large, hard cock straining against them. 

He winked at you “Happy with your choice?” You just nodded shyly as he scooted back onto the bed next to you. 

Hands going to the hem of your dress as he pulled it over your head revealing your matching black lace set. 

“Matching? You definitely planned this.” 

You slapped his chest as he eased you back onto the pillows. 

Mouth falling to yours as he kissed you deeply, hands falling to your hips, grabbing you softly yet firmly. His mouth fell to your jaw, peppering kisses and nipping at the skin of your neck as he made his way towards your bra. 

“As pretty as this is...” he toyed with the lace edging, “Can I take it off?” He looked up at you, hands grabbing the two breasts. 

You just nodded as he smoothed his hands around your back, sitting up a little to allow him to expertly undo the clasp;

“You’ve definitely done that before.” 

“Practise makes perfect baby.” He purred against your lips going into kiss you. His tongue moved down towards your breasts, lightly sucking at the skin of your now erect nipples. You moaned, body instinctively moving into his. 

“Jesus… so perfect baby.” He left out a muffled groan while your tit sat delicately in his warm mouth. Moving towards your stomach, his movements slowed as he explored your bare skin with his fingertips, leaving a soft, wet trail of kisses towards your panties. He pressed his nose against your covered groin, inhaling your sweet scent. Licking at your inner thigh, your hands falling to his head, pushing him further giving him all the encouragement he needed to slowly pull off your panties. Mouth immediately returning to your folds as his tongue explored the insides of your oasis. Licking and sucking at your sensitive, erect clit, leaving you a moaning mess. It felt like he was between your legs for hours, making sure you were a soaking, moaning mess for him. 

“Good girl, god you taste so good baby.” Cumming onto his tongue, he continued to suck up and spit out your precious juices. 

Your hands aimlessly travelled towards his cock desperate to feel his length in your hand. 

“Nah-uh baby tonight’s about you.” He loomed over your now naked figure on his bed, drinking in the sight of you. 

“You can make up for it later.” He whispered in your ear as he sucked on your lobe. He broke the contact monetarily to finally release his now pulsating member, hard and erect with veins pulsating along the length. He was thick with a round, cut bulbous head. Your eyes widened at the sight of it in all its glory, gulping at what was soon to be your fate. 

“We’ll go slow.” He assured you, trying to ease the hesitation in your eyes. He sat over you, hands reaching towards his bedside table pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. Slowly and delicately, he squirted the sticky liquid into his hand, rubbing it over his length in a teasing rhythmic fashion. Hands falling to your pussy, he slowly pushed a singular digit in, easing the lube in and out as you withered under his touch. Using his outer fingers to rub it on your folds, slowly adding a second finger to stretch you out;

“fuck you’re tight baby” 

“No shit I’m a virgin” you choked out through moans

 “Shit I almost forgot” he chuckled sheepishly.

Slipping in a third finger seamlessly, his other hand working your clit trying to inch you to a second orgasm. Your hand clawed at his forearm at the sheer feeling of you being stretched by his fingers. 

“Oh god Chris.” 

“Gotta make sure you’re all ready for me.” 

“Are your fingers the same size?” 

“Unfortunately… or fortunately… not.” Your head fell back to the pillow as you took in a deep breathe “I’m ready” 

“Are you sure cause we have the whole week we can-“ 

“Stop talking.” You pulled his head in for another passionately, sloppy kiss. 

“Ok ok… shhh. Now, it’s gonna sting at first, for a little bit it’ll feel better if I move,  but I’m not gonna move unless you say so and if it really fucking hurts say chocolate and I’ll stop.” You nodded at his instruction. As he positioned his now wrapped head at your core, making sure you were both overly lube up. 

He pushed his head against your tight hole, he moved inwards slightly earning a groan from you 

“Ooft” 

“You ok?” You nodded, gritting your teeth a little at his size. 

“Is it all in?” 

“That was the head baby.” 

“Fuck.” 

“Hey it’s ok I’m not gonna move until you tell me to.” You lay like that for a moment, Chris leaving soft kisses on your décolletage. 

“Move.” You told him.

He pushed in a couple of more inches, 3/4 of the way in at this point. Your body jolted at the sudden sensation of being stretched beyond belief, the sting he warned you about forming in your insides. 

“You wont believe me but look really beautiful right now.” He was staring at you in the eyes now, a small smile on his lips as he watched you bite your bottom lip, sweat forming your forehead. 

“I’m gonna kiss you while I push the rest in it’ll help distract you does that sound ok baby?” You nodded, pawing at his neck, desperate to taste him again. 

You gasped into his mouth at the final push, him now sitting tightly between your fold, stretching against your walls. 

You winced slightly at the feeling of being fully stuffed. His lips fell to the tears that you didn’t realise had fallen, kissing your cheek and tasting the salty liquid, “Hey you’re doing so well baby, you’re ok.” 

You stayed like that for a while, adjusting your insides to his length. 

“Move.” 

“You sure?” You confirmed the statement by leaning into kiss him as he started his slow short thrusts, staying firmly inside of you and only moving enough to get you adjusted to the feeling. After a couple of minutes of just that and more passionate kissing, the sting subsided, making way for a new sensation of pleasure and fullness.

“Oh wow, holy shit.” You breathed out 

“Good?” He looked up at you searching for reassurance 

“Really good.” You smiled at him, moaning again at his movements 

“Do you want me to go a little faster?” 

“Please.” You begged out, with that his thrusts turned more natural, as he moved in and out of you, hips pressing against yours as you started to adjust to the rhythm of his drive. Slowly accumulating to the feeling of hot, delicious, pleasurable sex. Chris’s pants grew as he supported himself by his forearms over you. Continuing his assault of his lips over your face and mouth. Deepening the kisses when he hit your cervix, swallowing each other’s moans you grew confident enough to move your hips upwards slightly, allowing a new angle for both of you. 

“Jesus Christ baby that feels fucking amazing.” Proud at your first foray into Sex Goddess status you continued to match his thrusts with a nudge of your hips. Your buttocks squeezing together as the coil in your stomach tightened when his head would hit your G-spot, a previously undiscovered spot of pleasure for you. You fell into a moaning mess begging for a release from what was sure to be an explosive orgasm 

“Chris, I’m gonna cum, omg please don’t stop.” You moaned loudly.

“I’m gonna cum too where you want it?” 

“Just cum in me please.” 

“Oh god Y/N” he let out a guttural moan with his final thrust into you, shooting out his cum as you creamed over his cock. 

Slowly pulling out gently, you whined at the loss of contact. He collapsed in a heap of heavy breaths beside you. Both of you now, spent from the intimate and passionate activity. He got up towards the bathroom, you heard the water running but with your eyes blurry from the orgasm still, you didn’t think you could find the strength to lift your head. Suddenly you felt the cool press of a wet rag against your heat, sopping up the mixture of your cum and lube. You opened your eyes to see him gently cleaning you up with the soft cotton towel. “That was-“ you breathed out. “Amazing.” He smirked at you. 

“Happy with your first time?” 

“As long as it’s not the last.” 

“Oh, it won’t be, but you do need to pee first… here.” Chris held out his hand, easing you up out of your euphoric state, up to your legs. Placing you gently, on the toilet seat, you sat loopy from your orgasm. Chris leaned against the sink, watching you with a smug smirk 

“A little privacy?” You looked up at you, lazily covering your chest. 

“Nope I need to make sure you pee.” 

“You’re a freak.” 

“It’s going to take a lot from you to get rid of me.”   

“Lucky I’m planning on keeping you around.” You blew him a kiss.

Chris brought you breakfast in bed the next morning, softly rubbing the sore spots you had never felt before as you ate. Ravenous after a beautiful passionate night. 

You moved to get out of bed, wanting to inspect yourself in the mirror.

“Y/N I wouldn’t try and wal-“ With the final word, your legs gave out like jelly and you plopped onto the soft carpet with a dramatic ow falling from your mouth.

“Walk.” Chris finished, coming around to help you up. 

“How did you know that was gonna happen?” You asked as he grabbed your hands, pulling you back onto the bed.

“You’re not the first.” He grumbled. 

[mannatea]

Waiting for the Rain, a Fire Emblem 7 fanfic

Words: 1,083 words Summary: On their journey back to Sacae, Lyn asks Kent a question that helps them both come to an understanding. Pairing/Character: Kent/Lyn Extra Info: This was originally written for @arthoure from the prompt "Kent and Lyn's journey back to Sacae. Slice of life." It was first posted on February 19, 2012 and was 545 words long. Rating: T Genre: Romance, angst, courtly love undertones.

Thank you to @trash-god for the beta work. 💚

WOW, okay, note time! Read these after the story, please.

Boy do I have notes. First of all, the original story isn't really recognizable now.

You Heard It Here First, Folks!

It's not that I think the original was bad; my notes on it pretty clearly state that I thought it would need some work but had a good concept going for it. Anyway, when I'm doing these rewrites I'm mostly thinking of how I might approach the story if I was writing it now (versus how it was actually written).

When I did that for this story, I came away from the original with a couple of really good ideas—mostly surrounding two points that were brought up in the original comments on this story.

Kent's fear that loneliness would keep them together even if things got bad, and

The idea that Kent might be aware that propriety and titles might get in the way of him being a good partner for Lyn.

In the original the first point was made well enough, but the second stated that he was afraid of not being good enough to be [more than a lover]. I discarded that idea because, I feel like in the more courtly-love-esque background I gave them, here, they almost start out as more than lovers already.

Anyway, the new themes for this story based on those two points came to me so quickly it even surprised me. I feel like people don't really give Kent much credit as a character. Everyone thinks he's boring and has little to recommend him, but I like to imagine him as if he could be a person, because anything less would honestly just make me a shit-tier writer. <3 Also, he's an extremely successful person at a young age, and notably disciplined/hard-working, yet dedicates himself wholly to Lyn in his supports with her...and leaves literally everything he's ever known to be with her.

When I wrote this story originally I had never done such a thing myself, and in fact I would not do that very thing until almost four years later. (Most of you reading this probably know this already, but it's not easy to leave everything you know for a new place—and in Kent's case, a completely new culture, too. All out of love!)

I dunno, man. I think a character like that has a few interesting components worth exploring!

In light of these two points being brought to the forefront of the story, I had to craft a situation where they felt like bigger issues than everything else that comes with "leaving everything you've ever known for the unknown." While all of my ideas didn't make it into the story (there just wasn't room to include everything without bogging it down and making it boring), I did try to fit in a few hints. I really wanted to highlight that these fears are reasonable things for someone like Kent to struggle with, particularly propriety acting as a legitimate potential roadblock, rather than the usual KentLyn fare of "teehee it's funny if he can't remember to call her only by her name" or "it's hot if he calls her Lady Lyndis when they're intimate."

And I mean, don't get me wrong. The former can be funny in some circumstances and the latter can definitely be hot (teehee), but in a story like this I wanted to try something that sits outside of that realm and rests more in angst: "they're both tired of propriety but have been beholden to it for so long it's hard to remember it doesn't govern them anymore." And Kent struggles especially with it.

The backstory, for those curious, is more or less that, rather than die quickly, Marquess Hausen took a downward turn and not only lost some of his physical health, but also his mental faculties. Basically, he suffered from dementia. I really wanted to include this in the story to some degree (by having him recognize Lyn as Madelyn, completely forgetting who Lyn actually is & also failing to recognize his loyal retainers of the last few years), but I just couldn't fit it in clearly without it sounding clumsy.

Anyway, Hausen's unstable mental health also spells trouble for Kent and Lyn's (quiet, somewhat courtly love) relationship because mentally he's backsliding into seeing Lyn as Madelyn and sometimes he still imagines she's in love with someone he doesn't approve of (because he is remembering Hassar). Due to the fact that he oftentimes doesn't recognize Kent anymore, the price of getting caught doing anything together kind of skyrockets; they can't really predict how he might react, but they can guess that it will be bad due to how poorly he is doing.

Thus, they have this mostly courtly love romance going on, where they try to find moments to at least have something more for themselves. And this goes on. For several years.

So by the time they get out of this situation, they're both rather beaten down by it, but he struggles to really put himself in a mindset where it feels natural to just hold her outside of specific intimate periods (which is a nice way of me saying they definitely had sex before this story takes place, but as you can imagine, this doesn't fix the issue for him).

I don't actually think this is that big of a deal to Lyn (though if it went on too long it would make her despair), but from Kent's perspective: he literally gave up everything but Lyn to be here. SHE IS ALL HE HAS. He wants this to work. And he loves her so much that all the factors that are out of his control or that he can't know make him anxious. He doesn't want to disappoint her. He doesn't want to fail her. And he's afraid that his own habits—born more or less of survival when they had to be careful—will start causing her to resent him.

Like he thinks she shouldn't have to remind him. It's a small thing. He knows it is. He understands that now. He should just do it; he shouldn't have to think about it or be told. And he's like, ashamed that he's not immediately able to shed those literal years of what was essentially trauma.

Truthfully, he should think about it like he's breaking one habit and forming a new one; he just needs more time is all. But he also needs to feel comfortable taking that time (which is how this gets resolved—not with him explicitly saying, "I'm afraid you're going to resent me because I'm struggling with this thing I don't even want to struggle with," but with them reaffirming that they are on this path together and that they still love one another).

AND IT IS MY HOPE that even if you hadn't read that part about the backstory I had in mind, you still got the impression that they were being so careful for a reason (especially with Lyn mentioning his integrity; if she's the one pushing him against a wall to kiss him, it makes it much harder to place blame on Kent) and now that they are finally out of that situation he's just not adapting as quickly to this "new normal" as he wants and he struggles with this.

ANYWAY...

The original version of this story was pretty bare-bones "This is your last chance to change your mind" kind of a story, and while that wasn't a bad approach, I felt like skewing this one a little more toward that original "slice of life" prompt where it feels like there's a story going on and a history that we're not fully privy to. This is a handful of moments in time for these characters where they tackle their fears and communicate a little and come out the other side a bit better for it.

Oh, and angst. The original was marked as "angst/romance" as well, but I felt like I should lean into it a bit more, here, because both of these characters are pretty vulnerable right now.

In the original Lyn just kind of asks him if he's okay out of nowhere, but I wanted it to feel like she had a reason to ask it, here—especially after everything they've been through. Kent's hesitation and the way he doesn't answer her question ("For what?") tell her he's struggling, and this digs at her own insecurities (which we do understand a little, through Kent's eyes).

Anyway, it wasn't my intention to over-explain this story to anyone. I'm just really excited that I deviated so far from the original while still managing to write what I hope is a much more solid story.

Tiny bits of the original remain, but so much of this is new, and I think the biggest change I made was not just in the backstory I crafted to build this story from, but also in the echo of their supports, in him realizing that even though he's been showing her his heart hasn't changed through all those difficult years that they waited for one another, that now that they're free of the castle and he's only beholden to her—that she probably needs to hear it from him, too. Not just that this is what he wants, but that he is here because he loves her.

--

If you read this far, I hope you enjoyed the story and the notes! I have zero intention of writing that backstory out as a real story but if a bunch of people express interest, well...you never know. (I'm easily persuaded...what can I say?)

Thanks for reading!