#someone get him to narrate an audiobook

[bluecoffeebeanz]

kit connor's voice is so therapeutic and sounds like warm tea and honey I can't explain it

[satorusugurugurl]

I love your work so much! I always read it every time you post !! Can I make a request on how JJK men would react to their girl having a voice kink?? It would be insane 😭😭 Thank you so much!!

Voice Kink?!

Summary: JJK men, find out about your voice kink 🥴

Characters: Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru, Nanami Kento, Choso Kamo

Word Count: 4,242

Warnings: smut, public play, dirty talk, oral sex, N-Nanami’s stern voice, whimpering, lots of moans and language

A/N: As someone with a voice kink, I loved this nonnie. 🥴 love it, unekfkrkdkdm moan in my ear talk dirty to me! 🌶🌶🌶 please enjoy!! 💚

Gojo Satoru:

Gojo yawned as he opened the door to the condo you shared. It was in the late evening, and from the smell of cooked food, he knew you were home. He didn't even bother calling out that he was home, as he'd just texted you in the lobby that he was on his way up. What mattered to him now was taking off his uniform and a hot shower.

Approaching the bedroom, Satoru rubbed at the stiffness in his neck before a groan from the bedroom sounded. A groan that was deep, guttural, and not him. Before he could storm in, another voice sounded, a woman that wasn't you. And it was narrating? Peeking his head in, he watched you folding clothes, your cell phone on the nightstand playing an audiobook.

‘I approached the god of war, gently touching his chest.

‘Stop!’ he shouted, ‘If you don't get out of my sight, I will fuck you’

Satoru blinked, goddamn that male actor was playing the part well and snarling and growling in a deep guttural moan. The narrator went on to describe in detail how the male character was fucking the main heroine. You seemed unfazed by it, folding some of Gojo’s blindfolded and placing it to the side.

‘Your tight cunt is hugging my cock’ The male narrator announced, causing you to stiffen. ‘Do you like that~ hmm? Like when I fuck you, stuff your pussy full of my dick?’

You shifted, rubbing your thighs together, breath coming out in soft gasps as you glanced at your phone. Satoru knew what was going on with you instantly. You were wet. His sweet, innocent girlfriend was wet over a man’s voice growling and groaning, which left him feeling jealous and horny. Do you like it when people groaned and growled? Using their voice to describe what they were doing.

Satoru could easily do that.

You shifted again, whimpering softly before a large hand grabbed the back of your neck. You squeaked as you were bent over the bed, another hand yanking your shorts down. Turning slightly, you stared at Satoru, who was unzipping his pants.

“Satoru, what are you—”

“I'm just going to stuff this pretty cunt full of cock.” he growled, leaning down, rubbing the tip teasingly over the folds of your pussy. “You’re already soaking wet.” His voice vibrated in his chest as he leaned over your body, his mouth against the nape of your neck. “Does hearing someone talk nasty get you dripping? It makes that tight hole throb, begging to be filled and pleased?”

His breath was hot against your skin, sensing a shiver down your spine. “T-Toru~” You felt a slick running down your thigh as Satoru began grinding his cock over your tight entrance.

“The fact that your cunt is drooling all over my fat cock confirms that my sweet girlfriend is secretly a slut.”

“I-I—”

“You what? Go on,” he learned next to your ear, growling into it, causing goosebumps to rise down your arms, “speak up.”

You rocked back, pushing the tip of his cock inside you, causing Satoru to moan. “Yes, yes, I like it when you talk nasty.” your boyfriend laughed out loud, his cock sliding inside of you.

“Good fuckin’ girl~” The bed creaked, freshly folded clothes falling to the ground. “Fuck~” he groaned into your ear, “fucking yes~ mhmm what did that character say~?” your walls clenched, “ ‘Your pussy is hugging my cock~’?”

“Ngggh!” you cried out, fisting the comforter, eyes rolling back as your walls twitched in happiness at his voice. “T-Toooru!”

“No, he said something else that made you rub your legs together.” His teeth grazed over your earlobe. “What~?” Thrust. “Was~?” you cry out, eyes rolling back. “It~?” Satoru shoved his entire cock into you, humming in pondering thought. You were cock drunk, drool pooling underneath you as you panted. “Oh, right!” He pulled out before slamming back in with a snarl. “Something along the lines of—do you like it when I fuck you.” His mouth was against your ear again. “Stuff, you pretty pussy full of my cock?”

It was a combination of the thrusts and his words that had you cumming, legs shaking, buckling as you gushed all over him. Seeing you cum that hard had Satoru laughing in satisfaction as you twitched and tried pulling away from the oversensitivity of just how hard you had cummed. Satoru tilted his head, pouting in faux concern as you tried to stand.

“Awe~ was that too much for my sweetheart to handle~?” Crawling onto the bed, you shook your head with heavy gasps. “Noo~? Oooh, my little slut wants more~?”

“Fuck me~ fuck me, please!” you were so wet and horny, and Satoru just made one of your fantasies come try in a matter of seconds. “Please, Toru! Please!”

“Well, how could I deny my pretty girl when she begs so pretty~?” you glanced back, watching him strip down to nothing. “Face down, baby~ I'm gonna fuck you stupid~”

Geto Suguru:

You were a little buzzed, and your husband was soooo hot. So, of course, you were feeling more than a little needy. You were pulling him down a dark hallway away from the bustling party you were at. He inhaled sharply as you pushed him up against the wall.

“Just what do you think you're doing~?” he questioned in a low, sultry voice, sending shivers down your spine. “Princess?”

“Need you~” you cooed, dipping your hand into his black jeans, smirking as he inhaled. “Need you so bad, Sugu~.”

He groaned deep in his chest, the sound going straight to your pussy. “Princess~ we can't right now~ not right here.” He tilted his head back briefly, watching you blatantly disobey him. Your fingers played with the band of his boxers, causing another hiss to leave his lips. “Princess—”

His tone was much more stern now, leaving you a wet mess. Your husband watched you pull your bottom lip between your teeth, nibbling down with a whine. He hummed, cocking an eyebrow as your hand stilled, thighs clenching together. That was a peculiar reaction. Suguru hadn't even said anything remotely dirty, yet here you were, rubbing your thighs together with flushed skin.

“What was that reaction?” he asked with a smug smirk. “Huh, did you like me growling? Being stern?” His hand shot down, grabbing your wrist and pulling it out of his boxers. “Is my pretty princess wet over the sound of my voice?”

“W-What—no! I am not!” you denied, despite your sticky arousal coating your lips and panties.

“Oh, is that so?” Suguru moved, slamming you against the opposite wall. “Then you wouldn't mind me checking, would you~?” he purred, leaning next to your ear.

You tried to keep your composure, tried to maintain the little dignity you had. But Suguru groaned in your ear, a deep guttural sound that had you melting like chocolate. A shaky sigh left your lips as he slid his hand up your skirt, fingers brushing over your unsurprisingly soaked panties.

“Ooh~ so not only are you a horny little slut. Getting off to the groans and breathless words leaving her husband's lips.” he pressed his index and middle finger over your clit, rubbing it slowly. “But you're also a liar~”

“N-No, I-I ahh~ ah fuck—” Geto smirked, “I-I am not.”

“Oh, but you are.” Fingers are hooked under your panties, pulling them to the side. “I asked you point blank if you were wet.” A single finger slid into your soaking cunt, “you said no~” his finger hooked around your g-spot, rubbing it fast; your arousal was wet squelching sounds. “And listen, you can hear~” Suguru purred, hot breath moving strands of your hair. “Just how fucking wet you are.”

“F-Fuck—“ your voice cracked, fingers fisting into his dress shirt. Suguru admired the helpless whines you were attempting and failing to hold back. “Oooh fuck~ oh fuck, fuck.” Now, Suguru wasn’t a sadist, but you were trying so hard to keep quiet, and he wanted to hear you break.

He was doing what any good husband would do. Slamming his fist against the wall next to your head, he increased his speed. “Mmmm~ nnngh fuck~” he groaned right into your ear, making you shiver in turn. “Ah~ fuck so wet~ so fucking wet and tight~ my princess is going to cum~ during a work party. Nasty little girl~” You threw your head forward, burying it in his chest.

“S-Suguru—I’m go-gonna cum.”

“No, you aren’t. You’re going to squirt.”

“S-Sugu!” Your walls clamped around him as he put more pressure on that spot you loved.

“Are you gonna scream for everyone to hear?.” With a curt nod, your mouth opened to do so. This won you a glare from your husband. “Oh, no, the fuck you aren’t!” His snarl, the way he possessively smothered your screams with his mouth in a dominating kiss.

You came hard, body convulsing as you squirted. Suguru was swallowing your moans as he helped you ride out your orgasm. It isn’t until you’re literally leaning all of your weight against your sturdy husband that he pulls his drenched fingers out of you. A devilish smile is plastered against his face as he sticks his fingers in his mouth, licking them clean.

“S-Sugu, fuck—“ Is all you can manage to breathe out, fisting his shirt.

“Done lying~?” His tone is condescending as he helps steady you, grabbing your arm and looping it in his. “You most definitely got off to the sound of my voice.”

“Yep.”

Your husband stops and stares down at you. The faintest hit of a smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth. “Ooh oh, so now that you’ve cum you’re able to answer?” Rubbing your face against his arm, you let out a happy whine of confirmation. “Oh, I hope you’re not too tired.” His voice is suddenly against your ear as he leans down. “Because I can use my mouth in a merit of ways other than talking my slutty wife.”

You left the party without telling anyone where you were going. But when you came back in on Monday, the bite marks were all they needed to see. You and Suguru had your very own after-party, one that was one million times better than the stuck-up work party had been.

Nanami Kento:

“Jujutsu Sorcerers are shit!” You stood to the far side, watching your boyfriend talk amongst Gojo and Itadori.

The young man was stunned, speechless, jaw-dropping eyes wide as a little “Huh?” Sounded from him.

“Then I worked for a typical company, and one thing I learned.” You focused on your boyfriend, who crossed his arms over his chest. His broad muscles strained against the tight-fitted tailored suit he was wearing. But it wasn’t the suit that was causing heat to pull between your legs. “Is that working is shit!”

Nanami was so damn hot when he raised his voice so suddenly like that. You listened to him ranting about how he picked the lesser of two evils while you were debating on how to smuggle him away. You had to give him a smooch, gnaw on his chiseled cheek, rip all the fabric off of his body. If it weren’t for Gojo and Sukuna’s vessel being right there with Nanami, you would have begged for him to take you right there on the fucking floor.

Just as your dirty fantasy started to reel in your mind like a film being broadcasted on a projection screen, Nanami caught your attention with his words. “—please don’t believe that I’m not of the same mindset as Gojo. I do trust and have faith in him.” You felt sick at his praises for the man constantly getting under his skin and teasing you for dating Nanami.

“Ughhh-“ Your eyes narrowed as Gojo smirked, pleased with Nanami’s words. “Gag me with a spoon.”

“But I do not respect him!” Nanami roared, stern voice making you squirm as Gojo gasped in shock.

“Never mind, gag me with your cock.”

The second that Gojo left with Itadori, you went in for the kill. You snuck up behind your boyfriend, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down to your height. He peered at you through his glasses, his eyes focused on yours as you ran your hand down, unbuttoning his suit jacket.

“What do you think you’re doing?” That same stern tone that had your legs shaking like Jell-O was thick As you trailed your delicate finger over his blue button-down shirt. “We’re on school grounds still.”

“Do I look like I give a fuck?”

Part of Nanami was curious to see what exactly you had in mind. Well, the other half of him, the half that liked rules and regulations as he had just told Itadori, had his hands gently grabbing your wrist, stopping you from moving forward. He might as well have thrown a bucket of ice water on you.

“Kento.” You fought against him, trying to unbutton the shirt that was constricting over his chest. “Let me touch you!”

“No, anyone could walk on us at any given moment, love.” You stomped your foot down, trying to free yourself from his grasp. “My god, what has gotten into you? Did you suddenly get hit with a curse when I wasn’t looking? One that makes it impossible for you to control yourself?”

There it was.

That stern, deep tone of his voice, the one that was laced with frustration and pent-up rage. The same tone that had you willing to do anything and everything for this man. If he asked you to suck his cock you would. If he asked you to marry him right at this moment, fuck yeah you would. He could even go as far as to ask you to have his babies, and you would still say yes as long as he continues talking to you in that tone of voice.

Denial would only get you so far in life. Sometimes, honesty was the best policy. He wanted to know what he got into you. You’d tell him to be upfront and honest. Perhaps in doing so, he would give you a reward. Reward him inside of you.

“I love hearing your voice.”

Nanami slowly reached up, removing his glasses. “You like hearing the sound of my voice?” Now that he was distracted, you slowly ran your hands back up, running them over his toned chest to where his abs were hidden under the fabric of his ironed shirt.

“I love it, especially when you get all angry~”

“Mmm, is that so?”

“Yeah~ what are your thoughts? Going to do with this information.”

Fucking you against one of the pillars is precisely what he did with the information. You tried to call out, but his hand clamped over your mouth. Only allowing his heavy breathing to fill the chamber you both occupied.

“You're nothing but a dirty slut.” He snarled, his hand clamping harder over you. “Getting off on my yelling? In front of one of my co-workers?” you nodded, eyes rolling back as Nanami slammed his cock against your g-spot. “So shameless, so dirty.” He held the same tone he had when speaking the Gojo and Itatori, and that just got you off even more.

“M-mmmphm!” you cried out softly.

“You better not get any of your arousal in my suite. Do you understand love? I don't want to leave here with wet pants.”

That was a lot for him to ask, especially when he was slamming over and over against your g-spot. He knew you would squirt all over him if he did this. But part of you was eager to see what he would do if you blatantly disobeyed him.

“Mm! Mmhn!” you cried out, doing your absolute best to rock against him, to stimulate your g-spot even more. “Nnngh!”

“What's this?” Nanami purred, pulling back just a bit to watch your feeble attempt atfucking yourself harder against his cock. “Trying to cum? I recognize how you’re rolling your hips.” he pressed his forehead against yours, eyes gleaming behind the green spectacles on his face. “Trying to hit that sweet spot? The same spot that makes you squirt.”

“Mhmm!” You proudly confirm his suspicions.

“Ah, I see.” he shrugged, “Fine, do what you want. Just be aware that there will be consequences if you disobey me.” He growled deep in his chest with a sinister smirk.

“M-mm?” You furrowed, not liking the tone of his voice now.

Nanami watched as you began, shaking your head, deciding that this might not be the best course of action. But your boyfriend decided that you had sealed your fate already. All he did was smile at you, a very sadistic, knowing smile.

“Ooh, please, by all means.” he slammed forward, gritting his teeth, “Let me help you~!”

The head of his cock slammed straight into your g-spot over and over. You couldn't help but scream as the pleasure was like lightning shooting through every nerve of your body; muscles spasmed as your toes curled; even when you withered and jerked, Nanami didn't once remove his hand.

“Work is shit,” Nanami’s hot breath fanned over your ear, “Jujutsu sorcerers are shit.” his voice was so deep, so full of rage, that you found yourself longing for him to direct at you. Because damn beautiful voice, how do you sing star. “But you, god fuck, you are the embodiment of everything good in this world. You make it possible for me to continue putting up with all the shit we go through.” with a whimper, your eyes focus on his hidden behind the green lenses of his glasses. “You make life special.”

With his words and his words alone, he made you cum untouched. Nanami did not need to play with your clit, or move his hips in a certain way. Just hearing him speak to you the way he was had broken you. Your scream was muffled by his hand, your head tilted back as your eyes rolled into your skull, and unfortunately, you squirted all over his pants.

You barely had a chance to recover before Nanami was gently placing you on the ground. You leaned against the pillar for support as you owed your boyfriend’s gaze to look at the crotch of his pants. There was a specific look in his eyes, one that didn’t say he was disgusted or found the intensity of your orgasm to be distasteful. No, you knew the dark, hungry look in those brown honey eyes hidden behind the lenses. Nanami wasn't turned off; he was just getting started.

“Hmm, it seems you were incapable of following a simple command. Tsk,” he stuffed his wet cock back into his boxers before zipping up his pants. “I tried to warn you not to do what you did. Instead, you made quite a mess of yourself and me. I hope you’re ready to face the consequences when we return home.”

Your mind was willing, and so was your body. But you knew that once Nanami was done with you, you wouldn’t be able to walk. Honestly, it didn’t seem like much punishment but more like a reward. Or you would gladly get on your knees to receive.

Choso Kamo:

Out of all of the partners you had had in the past, none of them had been as quiet as Choso was. Your sweet, innocent boyfriend was constantly covering his mouth with both hands, holding back his moans. You had initially thought it was adorable, watching him biting down on his lip, covering his mouth, just holding back those sounds. What you had thought was cute had been driving you crazy.

You wanted to hear the sounds he made. You wanted to know how good you were making him feel. Did he feel good, or was he putting up with you for your sake? These thoughts often plagued your mind until the pressure was too much.

“I want you to moan!” You broke out, causing your poor boyfriend to drop the gallon of orange juice he held.

“W-What?”

“I said I want you to moan!”

“Right now? Like when we're not doing stuff?”

You scrubbed your hands down your face, shaking your head. “No! I mean, when we're doing stuff, Cho.” A faint flush dusted his pale cheeks. “I just—” you sighed, “sometimes I feel like I'm not doing a good job or that you're merely entertaining me. If you’re not enjoying yourself, I would feel terrible.” Your cheeks burned with embarrassment over your request. “I’m sorry, I just—”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Choso rushed to your side, his arms wrapping around you. “You make me feel good. Really good.”

A surge of relief rushed through you. “O-Oh, okay. Then why are you so quiet?” Chosi stiffened, his whole face turning a deep shade of red as he looked away. “Cho?”

“I-I—-oud”

“Huh?”

“I-I’m too—” he mumbled again.

You sighed gently, grabbing his face. “Choso baby, I can't understand you when you mumble like that.” with a deep breath, Choso nuzzled his face into your palm.

“I’m too loud.”

His confession had you blinking in stunned confusion. Too loud? How did he know that? You were the first person he had ever been with.

“Who told you that?”

Choso looked as though he wanted to crawl under the couch. “Y-Yuuji, he said I was super loud. S-So I assumed that not everyone liked hearing people moan, so I try to stay quiet.” Everything made perfect sense now. You sighed happily, tilting your head back.

“Baby, there's nothing wrong with moaning when it's just us. But when you're alone, and Yuuji’s around, it's best to stay quiet during your uh—private time.”

There was a certain glint in his eyes, one that made your heart and pussy flutter. “Really?” You nodded slowly, dropping to your knees.

“Yep, now make some pretty sounds for me.”

Five minutes and a few reminders for Choso not to cover his mouth was all your sweet boyfriend needed to get into the mood. One hand held the crown of your head while the other gripped the counter in the kitchen. His eyes were focused on you while you stared up at him, trying to focus on him but fuck it was famn near impossible with how good he sounded.

“A-Ah! F-fuck!” he gritted his teeth, eyebrows furrowed as he whimpered. “Oooh fuck, fuck, fuckin’ so good!”

“M-mm.” Moaning around his cock you slid a hand into your shorts, gently rubbing your soaking pussy.

“Oh my god, oh my god~!” Choso cried out, his blush spreading down his neck to the tips of his ears. “Fuck! Y-Your mouth is s-so good!”

His voice cracked, it tucking cracked. Hearing that had you bobbing your head faster while you gagged down on his cock. Choso sounded so good, better than any porn or audiobook you'd ever listen to. You were going to have to beg for him to send you an audio of him jerking off because this was so fuckng hot!

“N-nngh! P-please,” he begged prettily, sending a chill down your spine. “Ooooh fuck please, can you go deeper?” the tentative tone had you fulfilling his request without a second thought. Relaxing your throat, you took him as deep as you could, only stopping as you gagged just a bit before repeating the action. “Ooooh~! Oh~ haaah!”

Your hand in your shorts moved faster as you continued deep-throating Choso without a second thought. Hearing his whines had you so wet you could feel the sweetness seeping into your pajamas. God, you wanted to destroy him, milk him dry, so that’s exactly what you would do.

“W-Waaa! Fuck! H-Honey, wait—” Choso's face scrunched in horny panic. “P-Please wait! Please, I-I’m g-gonna cum in y-your mouth!” What a sweet boy, trying to warn you when he didn't realize that's exactly what you wanted. Pulling your slick fingers out of your shorts, you used your wet fingers to caress and massage his balls gently. “Mnnngh!!” his hips bucked forward, both hands gripping the sides of your head as he began thrusting. “I’m sorry! I'm sorry! Too good!” your eyes watered, tears spilling out and running down your flushed cheeks. “I’m c-cumming! Oooh fuck~ ooooh fuuuuuck! Fuck! Fuck!!”

Thick hot cum fills your mouth and slides down your throat. You put in the best effort, trying to swallow it, but there was a lot. You yanked yourself back, gasping for air as cum, spit, and tears fell to the kitchen floor. You gasped, shifting as Choso cried out, stroking himself, milking the last of cum out against your lips. Leaving you a white messy scene.

“Oooh fuuuck~” Choso stumbled back with a grunt, leaning against the counter. “Ooooh my god, oooh god.”

“Choso.” Pushing yourself off the floor, you grabbed his hand. “Bedroom now.”

“O-Oh, okay.” he followed you without complaint.

“Ooh and Choso.”

“Ye—” he choked on his words as you sat on the bed, spreading your legs and revealing a large wet spot on your maroon shorts.

“Moan that loud in my ear~”

Forever Tag List:

@darkstarlight82 @pandoness @nealeart

[sleepyystories]

Hogwarts Legacy

Ominis Gaunt & Sebastian Sallow Modern Day Headcanons

What I imagine the life of the boys is like in modern day, what their interests are, as well as what they would be like in a relationship.

I started playing Hogwarts Legacy and I'm kind of obsessed with Ominis, as someone who has family members who are blind we love representation

I definitely projected on some of his... 😭

I am working on requests but I have been quite busy recently so I'm sorry I haven't gotten to them yet!! Thank you for your requests!! :))

Ominis Gaunt

• Knows a bunch of random fun facts

• Some of those about braille!

• He learnt it quite late since his family never took to teaching him and, although yes he can use magic to read, he also likes the option to use braille to read and write

• Would offer to teach you braille, and often shares fun facts about it or the new things he's learnt

• Your parents love him, even though his family may have their own reputation, they know that the last thing he wants to do is follow in their footsteps

• Collects vinyls.

• He doesn't listen to much music, but there are a few artists that he enjoys and he collects their vinyls.

• He prefers using vinyls to anything digital.

• This goes for books too, he prefers something he can hold to something on a screen. (Although he does listen to audiobooks sometimes as that's the easiest way for him to read if not using magic)

• Definitely that one kid with the pet snake

• Likes to ask everyone what color they think his eyes are and likes to see how they describe it to him (he gets a different answer every time and it's very interesting to him)

• He doesn't have a favorite colour (for obvious reasons) but if he did it would be blue

• Although he's not very good at video games, if you play them, he likes to get involved. Narrate to him what's going on, let him play for a little with your guidance, explain if you're stuck somewhere and he might help you solve the puzzles

• Really good at wordle and crosswords

• Loves old romance, Romeo & Juliet, Pride and Prejudice, Titanic. He's a sucker for a love story

• Loves exactly like the men in these books (actually I've only seen a couple, so only the good ones 😭)

• His nicknames for you: My love, Darling, Honey, Angel

• I feel like his parents would've been the type to make him learn to play an instrument, and piano seems very him

• Although (and huge projection here) (this is why it's his last one) I think his blindness is like my grandmother's where he can see light and shadow but everything is just very blurry (kind of like if you wear glasses and they steam up and you can kinda see but also you very much can't), so he can make out shapes and knows if he's going to bump into something, but he can't really make anything out, hence using magic to aid him, so I'm not sure if he would be able to tell the difference with colour or not (my grandmother struggles even though she has some sight) (To add to this he has very bad peripheral vision)

Sebastian Sallow

• He can sing and was a part of a local choir or the Hogwarts choir for a short period. He acts embarrassed if anyone asks about it, or if anyone catches him singing, but he's actually really good!

• He has a playlist dedicated to you, it's either his own music that reminds him of you, or music you both like

• Genuinely likes Buddy Holly by Wheezer (I'm projecting, we will vibe together.)

• His household keeps chickens. He's that one friend who owns chickens. (Anyone else always had that one friend in a group who owns chickens or is that just a me experience?)

• Does not read. "Hey Seb, have you read this book?' no he has not. Do not ask him when the last time he read a book was, you will not like the answer. (Unless it was a school textbook because somehow his grades are still amazing)

• He kinda just listens to anything, like he doesn't have a specific music taste, if he likes a song/artist then he likes them 🤷 (projecting)

• Has a 3 week Minecraft phase at least once a year, he always makes servers but they always die out for some reason

• Speaking of he was 100% a Minecraft kid and 100% had one of those creeper hoodies that zipped up all the way

• Was really good at math and was known as the math kid in his primary school but that kinda faded out when he started at Hogwarts and now he can solve equations really quickly but he doesn't think it's a big deal

• His favorite colour is green or orange

• He may be a bit boisterous, but he is such a gentleman. Before you were dating he was so respectful (and he still is!) and it's not just to you. Before his mother passed she always taught him how to treat women right, and that never faded

• His nicknames for you: Pretty girl, Princess, Love, Beautiful

• I feel like he would learn to play drums

• Although he has big ambitions he always comes to you for advice (or if you don't like giving advice he just sort of tells you what he's gonna do)

• And if you ever tell him he's about to do something really stupid (as in dangerous) he wouldn't hesitate to take your advice because he trusts you

• He was actually really nervous to meet your parents for the first time, but after a few visits he really warmed up to them and now it's like he was always a part of the family

• Type of boyfriend to let you sit between his legs and let you play his game with his hands over yours on his controller

• Was semi-popular on musical.ly ... I'm sorry, but tell me he does not give that vibe /hj

---

Sorry if this isn't the best, as I said I've been so busy recently and wanted to get something out. These aren't all of the headcanons I have but I hope you enjoy them :) Also, sorry about how much I projected on some of them 😭😭

- Sleepy

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I left a bad review on a book I haven’t purchased?

(📚📖 to find later)

I’m an audiobook narrator professionally. I do most of my work via independent contracting with a production company. NOTE: they are NOT a publishing house. They do not provide editors/betas/etc for the text, they focus on turning (usually self published) books into audiobooks and marketing those audiobooks.

Most of the books I record with them are great, and I have a lot of fun reading good books! But…some of the books I’ve read for them have been. REALLY. REALLY. bad. Like I personally would have stopped reading within the first few pages bad if it wasn’t literally my job to read the words out loud.

I’m currently reading a book for them that makes me want to tear my hair out. The writing is boring, badly paced, and repetitive. None of the characters are likeable, and the relationships are shallow, the combat is boring, there are no stakes, etc etc. To give you an idea, the main character is the type of kid who on the playground would insist he had a mega super invincibility shield so you couldn’t touch him, but he also had a mega super invincibility shield breaking sword if you decided you wanted a shield too. And the narrative REWARDS HIM for acting that way.

I’ve never left a review on any of the books I’ve narrated before, but this one…i am seriously considering writing a review to try and warn people away from this book.

A few things to consider, though:

1: i am not being paid royalty share from the book, i get a flat rate based on the number of hours in the final audiobook. But as far as I know, the author only starts making money from producing this audiobook once the production company makes back the money they paid me for making it.

2: i would review anonymously/under a fake name and only on the book product page, not the product page for the audiobook version.

3: if an audiobook does not sell, then it is most likely I will not be obligated to continue recording the rest of the series (and it IS a series. At least three books are out as of now. I am currently slated to record them all, provided the audiobook sells decently)

4: the book currently has ~250 reviews already, and a 4.7/5 rating (how???? get some fucking standards), so it’s not like I’m leaving a 1 star review on something that only has 6 reviews.

I don’t think that one bad review would tank the whole series, but I do feel like leaving bad reviews on a product I didn’t even buy might be a dick move, especially if the author’s pay for this book relies on it selling well. But on the other hand, his book sucks and people should know that.

I wouldn’t be leaving a “0 stars: this sucks” review, I’d want to make it comprehensive and detailed. But I’d also feel bad about that because I’m sure the author reads his reviews, and even though his book sucks shit, i don’t want to like…make someone lose their passion to write? But ALSO if you’re making people pay $16 for the book and/or $40 for the audiobook, maybe the book should be fucking good? Idk.

So, tumblr, WIBTA?

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Full-Cast Audiobook Imaginations

So with the sequel on the horizon, we’re not that far from a full-cast re-recording of the audiobook, right?

I listen to the audiobook more than I read the book, mostly because I can listen to it while doing other stuff, and no offence to the original narrator, but while it’s good, it’s not the best. I kind of cringe at his British accent for Henry.

So I have a lot of thoughts.

The thing is with an audiobook, we can get both the wonderful vocal performance of the movie cast, and the iconic book lines, the ones that didn’t, and frankly, could never have made it into the movie due to format restrictions:

Sexy explicit sex scenes

Sexy explicit sex lines “For fuck’s sake, man, you just had my dick in your mouth, you can kiss me good-night”, “I want you to fuck me”, “I’ve been thinking about your mouth on me all well”

Emails in their entirety

Email openings and endings “Huge Raging Heache Prince Henry of Who Cares”, “First Son of Shirking Responsibilities”, “Horrible Revolting Heir”, “First Son of Founding Father Sacrilege”, “Haplessly Romantic Heretic Prince Henry the Utterly Daft”

Email historical quotes “The whole is a mass of fools and knaves; I could almost except you”, “I meet you in every dream”

Swearing and explicit language “fucking shit” “I fucking love you, okay?”

Internal Struggle

Iconic lines that didn’t make it into the movie for adaptation and story purposes “I’m never gonna love anybody in the world like I love you” “I love him on purpose”, “America, he is my choice”

Like, imagine hearing all of this in Taylor, in Nick, in Sarah and Uma and Ellie and Rachel and Thomas and Aneesh and Cfiton etc etc 's voice. Just imagine it!!!

Another thing to add is that to put it in simple terms, the current version of the audiobook does the dialogue lines closer to theatre acting: more enunciated, more inflection, and slower. Which is fine in its own right (I’m a theatre kid). But with the cast audiobook, hopefully, we can get them to do something closer to film acting, i.e. closer to reality, reading the lines as they would if they were to shoot those scenes.

Which is gonna make big moments like sexy times and confrontations a lot of fun :D

And something really entertaining to think about is now that we also know the cast and their dynamic is thinking about how much fun they would have while recording the book, especially when they have scenes together. And it’s not necessarily just Taynick, it’s group scenes with the whole Super Six, like the karaoke scene in chapter seven, or the Texas Holiday Scenes with Firstprince and Junora.

Like, Imagine it, the actors in the same recording studio, maybe even on the same couch:

Taylor and Nick laughing while reading off the insults from the earlier frienemies days of their relationship

Taylor and Nick squirming and playfully hitting each other when recording lines for sexy scenes like the first night, or the tack room, or Wimbledon

The cast shouting and booing (playfully) whenever someone messes up a line in their group scenes

The chaotic fun that is the LA karaoke scene, everybody’s laughing, Ellie gets to be the singular sober person while everyone else acts drunk, Nick singing Don’t Stop Me Now shittier (Nick has the voice of an angel but book Henry can’t sing for shit),

Taylor and Nick giving each other hugs after screaming at each other for the Kensington confrontation

Nick grinning smugly at every book height difference mention (:<

More of Taylor speaking Spanish!!!

Thomas gets to be a proper asshole villain who later turns into awkward older brother who's trying

Ellie gets to do the pie metaphor grief monologue  

Taylor gets to do another speech (he’s really good at delivering speeches)

 I want to quickly reiterate that I am in no way unhappy with what we got in the end for the movie; I love it to pieces. However, as Matthew and Casey said, there are two “canonical” versions of the story now, and since audiobooks are an option, it would be really nice to connect this aspect of the movie verse with the book verse in some sort of middle ground.

So yeah Audible? Amazon? Get on with it!!!

@almightaylor this was the long post I mentioned, I literally started this in July lol

[not-wholly-unheroic]

Fellow Peter Pan fans, if you haven’t yet heard the Ballarat National Theater’s dramatized audiobook version, I highly recommend checking it out! It’s available for free on Apple Podcasts or in the Audible app (and probably other places as well). I’ll include a link below. It sticks pretty closely to the novel in most places but departs from it in a few ways that I think, for the most part, actually really add to the story rather than taking away from it. (Note: If you don’t want any spoilers about how the audio version differs from the actual novel, stop reading now and go directly to the link. If you want all the details, keep reading below the cut.)

A few things I noticed and found particularly interesting that the audio drama changed or added to the novel include the following:

- We get an actual voice actress for Tink and even someone doing the “voice” of Nana’s thoughts rather than just having the narrator read them.

- There is at least one bonus pirate and one bonus lost boy because??? The bonus lost boy is named Pockets (assuming after the character in Hook). The bonus pirate is called Chameleon.

- Skylights breaks the 4th wall and tells the narrator he doesn’t want to die as a demonstration and the narrator basically comes back with, “Sorry, that’s too bad, but this isn’t your story so….”

- Hook has a middle name and it’s the one Disney uses in Jake-verse (Bartholomew).

- Tiger Lily’s people are called “The Neverlanders” and are generally treated much more respectfully than in the novel and most other retellings in general. Their tribe is said to speak a language that is a precursor to Latin.

- The fairies crossing over Peter are on their way home from a “fairy ball.” I cackled because, man, that’s one of those, “If you know, you know,” things that most probably wouldn’t pick up on but I found hilarious. (It was definitely a ball and not an orgy… 😂)

- More 4th wall breaking by Tiger Lily, telling the narrator she was perfectly capable of escaping from the pirates herself.

- There are a couple of short breaks with these extra scenes. In one, the Lost Boys are griping about how the narrator is taking forever to get back to the story and reading over reviews from listeners.

- During a fight scene when Mr. Smee pulls out “Johnny Corkscrew,” we get a “Heeeeeere’s Johnny!” 😂 Definitely not a reference I was expecting!

- In another very cute short interruption, Mr: Smee is making soup and claims it has a bunch of disgusting stuff in it but Wendy is sure he’s joking and says it’s actually alright but missing something. The boys all start helpfully adding things they’ve found or brought with them—some of which are questionable—and then they ask Smee to try it. He acts like it has poisoned him and they’re all very concerned before he pops up with a, “Boo!” and they all laugh.

- Also, it’s hinted at one point that Mr. Smee may be a “Mrs.” in disguise. This may simply be a joke about the fact that the voice actor for Smee in this version is a woman or it might be something else. I suppose it’s left up to the listener.

- Peter has a few interesting parallels with Hook. Near the part where he is flying away out of the nursery window to leave the children, he has a quote that is very similar if not the exact same as one that Hook gives during his soliloquy.

- I’m just gonna say it straight out… I LOVE what they did with Hook in this version. They kept the dual casting of Mr. Darling and Hook and he’s the perfect actor for it. He has the sort of “growl” and the way of rolling his R’s that reminds me in some ways of Hans’ performance. They also do some great but subtle parallels between George and Hook. And during some of Hook’s rambling/soliloquy moments, we get most of what is in the book but it’s interspersed with a few things references to Shakespeare and Pilkington (a character in The Little White Bird who was based on a real-life teacher and who was sort of an early inspiration for/iteration of Hook). The ending for Hook is painful but incredibly well done. This Hook reacts to the crocodile much like “my” Hook does… When he is thinking, “The crocodile is about to board the ship” and when he asks the men to hide him, he starts just…repeating himself over and over in an increasingly desperate tone… Then, later, he has this almost…sigh of relief when Peter kicks before, “Bad form,” which is said less as an exclamation and more like…he’s releasing this weight off his shoulders. After the narrator says, “He went content to the crocodile,” we hear Hook humming something which I believe is the same tune we later hear Mary Darling playing in the nursery on the piano as the kids are coming home (“Home Sweet Home”). There is a quiet splash and a growl from the crocodile…and he’s gone. It’s perhaps the gentlest and most poignant ending I’ve seen done for Hook, and I really loved it. Mr. Darling is later heard singing a snatch of a sea shanty (“The Maid of Amsterdam”) and it’s like this little piece of Hook lives on. It’s just…super lovely.

So yeah. Love this version. LOVE this Hook. Go give it a listen!

[izavella21]

This book. This book right here. I love it. I love it a lot. Here are some reasons why:

The narration style. I remember when I first read this book, there were so many moments where I'd read a line and think "so relatable". Tori, why are you so relatable?

Tori and Charlie's relationship. I think it's not that common to see a wholesome sibling relationship, so I'm glad that was included in this book. (Also, I don't know if it's just me, but I feel that we don't really see that a lot in Heartstopper)

Tori and Charlie both saw the signs of each other's decline in mental health, and regret never doing anything about it. And they both assure each other that despite the mental health struggles, and despite not doing anything about each other's mental health struggles, they still love each other and care about each other.

There's a scene where Lucas gives Tori a can of Sprite, and Tori mentally notes that it isn’t the drink she likes. Later in the book, Micheal gives Tori diet lemonade, which is the drink she likes. And the beats of these two scenes are very similar.

Also, after Lucas gives Tori the sprite, she asks him about the books he has, and one of them is The Great Gatsby. When Tori asks him what’s it about, he answers “It’s about someone who's in love with a dream." You don't say...

(Basically, I think those two scenes are meant to show that Lucas is in love with idea of Tori, while Michael loves Tori as she is. Lucas goes about his relationship with Tori in the "wrong" way, while Michael goes about it in the "right" way)

The way Tori’s depression was handled felt so…candid for lack of a better term. I feel that depression and suicidal thoughts/ideation is something that is tricky to get right. I think Solitaire is a good depiction of depression. A believable one at least. One where you're able to empathize with the character.

Michael Holden. Just, Michael Holden.

I don't know about others, but I've always read Tori and Micheal's relationship as queerplatonic. You never see that in fiction, so I appreciate it.

The story takes place in winter, and there are so many moments when Micheal shows up in a t-shirt, or otherwise light clothing, and Tori wonders at various points if he’s a human furnace.

Meanwhile, there are multiple lines where Tori is described as a “ghost” or as “cold”.

Nick Nelson beating up Ben Hope. Do I condone violence? No. Do I condone violence towards Ben Hope by Nick Nelson? Absolutely.

The scene where Tori's not having a good day, and Michael comes over to her house to spend time with her so that she isn't alone. In their phone conversation before that, Michael says that Tori reminds him of "an old person who lives alone, like, with cats and daytime television." Michael also seems like the type of person who would keep old people company.

The scene where Tori realizes Michael wanted to invite her to one of his races, a really important one at that, and the minute she realizes this, she instantly books it to the rink. She wasn't planning on doing anything that day, but the minute she learned that Michael had something important going on, she dropped everything to be there.

I think every scene focused on Tori and Micheal is amazing.

To this day, it amazes me that Alice Oseman wrote and published this book at the age of SEVENTEEN!

There was the right balance between dark and mature elements and more wholesome ones. I'd say that's the case for all of Alice Oseman's work, but especially Solitaire, which is considered the darkest. I feel that's a tricky balance to strike, and I felt that Solitaire, even the original iteration, strikes that balance well.

This book has short chapters, and I think that makes it easy to read.

I love the audiobook. I mean the old audiobook narrated by Jayne Entwistle. I've listened to the new one narrated Jenny Walser, and it's good, but I think I prefer the old one. It's so pleasant to the ears. I love her voice.

Thank you for reading!

[greeen-bean]

Day One:

First annotation I made was "AHHHH LETS FUKING GOOOO"... So

I always loved how they (Francis specifically) addresses the aftermath of the fire from solitaire because that was basically all I was thinking about, peoples work still being in there, having to change schools, etc, etc

Also love that it starts with Carys - She haunts the narrative so well <3<3<3

This book is sooooooo 2016 and I cant figure out if that a good or bad thing - its a time capsule

I cannot wait for Francis' world to crumble around her ahhhhhh she's so mentally ill bbg its okayyyy

I am going to come out and speak my truth! I do not know how to pronounce Francis' last name. When I first read the book the dyslexia kicked in and I read it as "Janiver" (Jan-i-ver) and when I finally realised I was wrong it had stuck

Under the "I felt fine because I was born for this" I wrote "Frowen?" and stand by it

I drew a heart around Daniels name the first time it was mentioned, just encase there was any confusion on who my favourite character is

LOVE Francis' mum!!! like the old people in IWBFT I love the parent mentions in this

Francis mentions people thinking she's Spanish for being mixed race and doing Spanish GCSE and I wrote "Bilingual/Bisexual queen" but I did/do not know how to spell bilingual so I wrote "Bilingwil" and again, I stand by it

Aled and Francis are SOULMATES your honour - the way she talks about the narrator having a soft voice that got her hooked on the show GOD they're in loovvvveeee

Francis is out to get Daniel!! Grabbing him, someone who is actively not her friend, so hard it hurts to then tease them with interesting information about you that seeming they would not care less about only to not even tell them when they ask, diabolical!! I love them

I am dan, dan is me (bar all the smart people shit) like he lives in my head and says my thought

ALEDDDDDDDD - I love love love how Aled in introduced in this book like ahhhh it sets him up so perfectly to then show who he really is (More on this in a different post)

the idea that everyone who knows Daniel knows of Aled because they are "inseparable" drives me crazy (in a good way) because it kinda probably unintentionally shows the differences of how they view their relationship (more in a separate post)

Francis: And you said yes [to saying the speech]? Aled: Yes F: Why? D: Because he's a turnip A: Yes ONE OF MY FAVE LINES YGIUIOKJBHVGCTDR^TUHJH

The seeds of Aled having to do things from some unknown pressure - its COOKING

Francis' mums switch up from being worried to telling Francis to do the universe city thing after finding out she wasn't going to do it, BAMF BEHAVIOUR

"I always wished I had a hobby" Girl what was that whole last chapter about then????

Have soooo many thoughts about Francis putting all her worth into her academic success specifically as someone who was not good at school, but again, separate post

the seeds of Francis becoming self aware whooooo

Oh the autism of it all (about being worried of being exceled socially from people you don't even like -but really all of it)

Francis says the gayest shit - just wait till she's talking about Carys

Loooovvveeeeeee Raine actually so much

AHHHHhh the perseption Francis has on Aled and Daniels relationship it !!!!! im !!!!!!! INSANE COO COO CRAZY INSANE

Did Francis know she was bi when she met Carys? Cuz if she didn't...babe i have news for you

"The sun silhouetted her like she was a heavenly apparition" Uhu.....uhu....sure

Okay right! Carys' vice it described (again, its very gay to take this much note of a persons voice, Francis) as "posh London Made in Chelsea accents" so then WHY does Aled have a Welsh accent in the Nick and Charlie audiobook?!?!!? WHERE DID IT COME FROM!??!?!?! (I know he's Welsh but he grew up in fucking Kent stfu)

Computer with a sad face mention whoooooo

Aled is soooooo messy for how he acts around Francis - not to victim blame but DUDE what were you expecting to happen

Dan being like "oh... Francis... I didn't know you were here..." after making eye contact with her is CRAZy - Francis is right what is his damage

Daniel/Francis beef will ALWAYS be famous to me

Again, Aled, I do fear this is actually all your fault

[ophiespeaks]

i am, once again, crawling back to gravity falls. i’ve stayed out of the loop so i could explore thisisnotawebsitedotcom by myself, and here are some of my authentic discoveries: (I don’t know if any of these are even new, knowing the fandom you probably figured all of these out the day it dropped tbh)

-“SOOS” gives a document of how he and his gf are doing running the mystery shack, including a goat train that runs through the forest (i love them)

-“TADSTRANGE” gives an erotic bread montage, because why not

-“PINATA” gives an irl video narrated by bill of a little girl beating the shit out of a bill cipher pinata

-“EVENHISLIESARELIES” i was spoonfed this one but bill is astronomically down bad for ford and it’s literally canon??? “because winning made him feel special. and good god, did he want to feel special” bill cipher your gay is showing.

-“WADDLES” leads to a pig adoption website

-“SEASONTHREE” says season 2, “SEASONTWO” says season 1, and “SEASONONE” says season -1: anti-gravity falls.

-“PACIFICA” tells us that the northwests still keep tapestries of bill, perhaps they could/would have something to do with his return??? pacifica and a “friend” destroyed everything with bill’s triangle symbol on it though, she’s a real one.

-“PLATINUMPAZ” is a code you’re given discreetly upon entering the aforementioned “PACIFICA.” This document is written like fan fiction, but obviously it’s canon, and details pacifica’s experience following northwest mansion mystery. It’s a longer document but essentially pacifica SIKES bill cipher like the girlboss she is when he tries to make a dream deal with her.

-“PINES” just says “a good family tree” lmao

-“SIXER” case file on Ford’s hand, written by (?) someone in the us government, apparently even as far back as when the Stans were 18, the government was working on cloning, so there’s that. Also, Ford is a finger donor!

-“BLINDEYE” gives one of those eye doctor letter tests, VERY blurry. if there’s a code here my blind ass hasn’t been able to decipher it. EDIT: it’s not blurry when you first try it!!! if you click on it it becomes blurry and i no longer know what the letters are.

-“MATPAT” and “GAMETHEORY” matthew patrick i am in your walls. it’s a video of beloved internet dad, Matpat from the Theory channels, saying we’re on our own for this one. Mathew if you don’t make a retirement special when this is all over, spoon-feeding me the answers i will do something illegal. Also, one of the notes on his board seems to read “abigail northwest,” but it’s not a code you can enter, so i’m not sure what it means.

-“GRAVITYFALLS” says ‘never heard of it’, alex hirsch when i catch you alex hirsch

-“MABEL” adds stickers and stars to the screen, eventually saying ‘lab now fully mabelized’ they stay there forever even if you relog the website.

-“DIPPER” tells pine tree to stare at the page for thirteen hours. spamming it changes the note, telling dipper he’s getting closer, but eventually the whole thing blacks out.

-“STANFORD” and “FORD” brings up the same page as “SIXER”, they are one and the same after all.

-“MCGUCKET” and “FIDDLEFORD” link to Cotton Eyed Joe by Rednex

-“STANLEY” and “STAN” links to ebay listings of brass knuckles

-“BILL” links to a sesame street video from 1969, jazzy triangle meets a square square. BillFord canon??? meanwhile, “CIPHER” and “BILLCIPHER”leads to the wikipedia page for the Eye of Providence, or the eye that watches the work of mankind.

-“GIDEON” leads to a google search of sweat-resistant bolo ties

-“LOVE” opens a book called ‘the love triangle”, tapping on it starts an audiobook of the first page of this book, detailing the narrator falling in love with bill cipher in a romantic period-piece. 10/10, but too short. give me the whole book.

-“GOD” links to a video of an Axolotl swimming in front of a submerged bill cipher statue. upon entering “GOD” again, the video does not play, some of the other videos behave in the same way such as “MATPAT.”

-“BLENDIN” responds with ‘time agent lost and presumed incompetent’

-“WEIRD” plays a video of Weird Al Yankovic yelling about how he’s trapped inside of the computer, and he calls for bill to help him. imagine my shock and horror coming across this the vanilla way, by just trying codes until something happens.

-“WEIRDMAGEDDON” is a newspaper clipping that shows nothing happened yesterday, soos got his head stuck in a honey pot and promptly said ‘and i’d do it again.”

-“TOBYDETERMINED” leads to a google search of ‘restraining order’

-“ROBBIE” pulls up AIM messages between him and thomson, detailing their experience ghost hunting for bill because robbie thinks bill will have to grant them three wishes. included is a great drawing in camcorder style of them running away from an eldritch-looking bill. included, but seemingly not sent, are messages in the text box, and it seems we’re reading from thompson’s perspective. it vaguely alludes that bill may be operating inside of thompson??? erm what the sigma?

-“SKIBIDI” “RIZZ” “FORTNITE” and “GYATT” revokes ur life privileges, but “SIGMA” does nothing.

-“QUESTION” responds with ‘answer’ and vice versa.

-“SCIENTOLOGY” responds with ‘suppressive person detected,” don’t ask why i tried scientology, i was going through science-themed inputs and it came to me like a vision.

-“ALEX” and “ALEXHIRSCH” link to a google search of ‘flannel.’ alex hirsch is lumberjack???

-“JOURNAL 3” responds with ‘the journal for me.’

-“JOURNAL 2” responds with ‘the journal for you’

-“JOURNAL 1” responds with “the journal of fun”

-“SEX” “FUCK” “SHIT” and other curses gives a pop-up that says “not S&P approved, wash your mouth out with soap.”

-“WHOAREYOU” responds with ‘i could ask you the same question’

-“REALITY” responds with ‘is an illusion’

-“FBI” and “CIA” responds with ‘your webcam is on. we are watching.’

-“HOLOGRAM” responds with ‘universe’ and vice versa.

-“SCARY” gives a R.L Stine goosebumps knockoff called The Book Of Bill, with the tagline ‘can you survive the tri-strangler?’ and it seems like it should be an audiobook like the “LOVE” entry, but i can’t hear any audio.

-“THEBOOKOFBILL” responds with ‘hide it under shirt during pledge of allegiance’ ???WHAT???

-“MASON” brings up a note about anagrams, assuredly written in-part by Dipper. idk if mason is even canon i always just assumed it was tbh.

-“LIFE” responds with ‘life:72% complete. now loading death.’

-“DEATH” responds with ‘life’s goth cousin’

-“DADDY” “BABY” and “MOMMY” (listen i was trying anything that came to mind) responds with a pop-up of a baby-bill cipher in an ultrasound, and a message that says ‘congrats! guess what’s growing inside you right now? see you in nine months, papa!’ NEW SEASON IN NINE MONTHS CONFIRMED???? (/j) also— mpreg is gravity falls canon???

———

if i was alex hirsch, these are inputs i would add because i was SHOCKED they WEREN’T there:

-“4 8 15 16 23 42” inputting that into an old-style computer should yield some kind of easter egg. LOST was too big of a cultural phenomena for it to not be a secret code here.

-“CANDY” and “GRENDA.” alex you thought of skibidi but not MABELS ONLY TWO FRIENDS???

-“TWINS” seriously this is like the main thing that keeps repeating, even just linking to a wiki page would be rewarding.

-typing in cryptids should link to pages for them, at least. imagine my shock when i typed in “BIGFOOT” to no avail.

-“SEEYOUNEXTSUMMER” should’ve been an easy one tbh

-“PINETREE” “SHOOTINGSTAR” etc. could just link to the same thing as entering their respective names, like “DIPPER” and “MABEL” respectively.

-“HINT” should do something, even if it just tells you no.

-“?” having no results is bonkers

-“SANSUNDERTALE” would be really funny i think

-“THETRUTH” should respond with ‘is out there’

[libraryspectre]

Ugh ok fine I'll talk about my murderbot casting opinions

Awhile back I noticed people getting irritated with Kevin R. Free as the audiobook narrator because he's a man with a Man Voice and it really rankled me. People of any gender can have any voice, and anyway, Kevin R. Free's voice IS fairly androgynous.

This is more or less how I feel about a man being cast as Murderbot. It would have been nice to have a nonbinary actor play Murderbot, because nonbinary actors need more roles, but Murderbot is not nonbinary. Murderbot is nonhuman and human labels are N/A. Gender is N/A. You could argue that is splitting hairs from a representation standpoint, but I think it's core to the theme of the series. (Also, it's great that nonbinary people relate to and claim murderbot as representation, we just need to acknowledge it doesn't experience being genderless in the same way a human does). Because of this, I don't think the studio was ethically obligated to cast a nonbinary person.

I think, from a worldbuiling standpoint, I would have liked someone with a fairly androgynous voice and facial features. This is because we know murderbot is sexless, with no secondary sex characteristics. As far as murderbot's flesh parts, the only relevant features I can think of are voice and lack of facial hair.

So, I'm actually pretty fine with a man being cast as murderbot? I think to follow the logic of secunit biology he should stay clean-shaven for the roll, and maybe avoid the deeper registers of his voice (I haven't heard him speak so I don't actually know what he sounds like.) His features are pretty traditionally masculine but that doesn't really matter, and he has big ol eyes that could help them play into the androgynony if they chose to.

My bigger initial problem was with Murderbot being played by a white actor. I think a lot of the readers' image of Murderbot has been shaped by the Tommy Arnold illustrations where it's dark-skinned. It doesn't actually say anywhere in the books, from what I remember, what Murderbot's skin-tone is like, but we do know it's made from a slurry of donor DNA and the Corporate Rim has people with a wide range of features (I avoided alluding to racial diversity here because we have no idea what concept of race the CR or any of the other settings actually have. Edit: to clarify, the characters are definitely racially diverse from our viewpoint. I just felt the need to caveat because the concept of race is very cultural and we don't actually know what cultural concepts of race the setting has, if any at all. This is my anthropology degree showing lol). It makes little sense for Murderbot to be white if its DNA is built from a pool of people with, most likely, a wide variety of physical features. At least.....I think it is? I realized after thinking about this for awhile that I don't actually know if Murderbot's DNA came from one human donor or a variety of people. So this whole argument could be moot. (If you could direct me to evidence for or against this I'd be grateful).

So, Murderbot being white might be technically fine, from a worldbuilding standpoint, but at that point I think it's just kind of disappointing to see another show with a really diverse supporting cast and a white lead. That being said, there's actually interesting commentary to that, considering Murderbot was created to be a cop. I actually think, if handled well, the image of a bunch of white secunits policing the enslaved masses could be some really effective commentary. And to some extent, it doesn't matter if Murderbot's DNA came from one person or a pool of people, if you take the stance that the Company is intentionally choosing white features for their SecUnits. The commentary stands.

My other concern was that they would whitewash other cast members, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

Finally, the series having Martha Wells' stamp of approval encourages me that they've made these choices with intention and will handle them thoughtfully. I saw another fan point out that there is some power to the idea of seeing an actor on screen that most people would read as male, asserting again and again that it doesn't have gender, and now that I'm feeling more optomistic I agree.

And hey, I'm actually feeling optomistic!

[tomatosauce5]

Finally finished my Pact reread! Or more like re-listen because I listened to Speedchuck's amazing audiobook. Previously I would have ranked Pact as my least favorite Wildbow work. I still liked it but it was just too exhausting to read and had some parts where I got stuck. The reread really made me appreciate what Pact was doing much more. Knowing about Blake's true nature made it easier to for me to mesh with his narration and understand why he never rests and always throws himself at the next problem. His lowest points are also much easier to get through when you at least have the certainty of knowing what comes next. Some of my favorite moments / aspects this time around were:

Many people have said this but the Abyss is just soo cool. The Drains, the Tenements, the Library - they're all dripping with character and even though the individual rules aren't always super clear you just get how it operates at some point. It feels like a whole character, making its deals, not being explicitly malevolent but always asking you to give something up and change. The scene where it is asking Blake to become a gatekeeper might be my favorite scene in the book.

The Barber is amazing. Chekhov's shears build up dread from the very early chapters and when he gets loose he delivers on all fronts. He's absolutely terrifying in his appearance, the sounds of his shears and the way how it just all seems so effortless to him.

I love the Thorburns! Especially when the extended family re-enters the story at the perfect time. It's immensely gratifying to see these people finally have to deal with the magical horrors after all their petty bullshit. But then they actually grow as people a bit and pull their bullshit on the antagonists and you start rooting for them a little.

It's such a choice to come up with a world and magic system as complicated as the Otherverse and then focus the story fairly tightly around diabolism as this one overcentralizing aspect. If Pale didn't exist it would almost be a shame but as it stands, Pact fills out it's niche wonderfully. Pale paints a much broader picture but Pact has such an interesting microcosm of people who think about the practice in very particular ways and whose experiences are shaped by their karma and demonic influences.

You might not notice this if you are focused on how much they all hate Blake but Pact's supporting cast is actually so good. Everyone loves Evan and Green Eyes but Tyler, Alister, Molly, Peter, Ellie, Nick, Eva - just to name a few. Otherverse supporting characters just hit different.

The central drama between Blake and Rose is so thematically strong. On the reread it's easier to emphasize with Rose and recognize Blake's unreliable narration towards her. Their situation is absolutely tragic and a great metaphor for generational trauma. I love the later parts of the story where Blake decides to forfeit their struggle in a decision that goes deeply against his nature but rebels against the labels and expectations placed on him. Rose, in turn, goes on to accept the possession of her body by her "evil" doppelganger and someone her instincts are telling her to hate.

So yeah. I now get why Pact is so many people's favorite on this website. It's definitely Wildbow's most tightly wrapped thematic package and filled with great moments that can fly under the radar in the stress of a first read.

[just-french-me-up]

Harmonies

Dream of the Endless / Hob Gadling | Human AU | Writer Dream - Voice Actor Hob | Explicit | 2.2k Porn with some Plot | Masturbation | Literal voice porn | Dream doesn't quite know what to do with himself honestly

@hardly-an-escape recently had this FABULOUS idea of acclaimed writer Morpheus who secretly publishes popular romance novels under a pen name, who shamefully gets off while listening to voice actor Hob Gadling acting out an explicit scene from one of his romance stories. I would say my hand slipped but this was 100% planned and thought through.

Morpheus refreshed his inbox. Early afternoon, Lucienne had told him. He gave a quick glance at the clock. 5:42PM. Early afternoon was fading into late afternoon one second at a time, with nothing to show for it.

Morpheus refreshed his inbox. Again.

This is stupid, he thought, frustration seeping in. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Surely, they had not finished editing or formatting the whole thing yet, he shouldn't have gotten his hopes up. Perhaps they had forgotten. Morpheus didn't usually request to be sent the beta recordings. He was more than happy to let them do their job unencumbered, trusting Lucienne to green light everything once it was done. Truth be told, he was barely involved in the whole audiobook side of things, except for, well, writing the damn thing in the first place and having his pen name slapped on the cover. Lucienne had arched an eyebrow at him when he'd asked for the latest recordings out of the blue, but had not been overly curious. A good thing, really. Morpheus carefully avoided any occasion that required him to lie through his teeth. This, no doubt, would have been one of them.

His phone buzzed, startling him.

[6PM 09/05/2023 – The Kindly Ones – Edit Zoom Meeting]

Morpheus turned off the reminder. Too many fires at once. That was his problem, his sister had told him once. Stretching yourself thin until you're see-through, she had said. She was not wrong, of course, although Morpheus would not admit it to her face. She would be far too smug about it.

He refreshed his inbox.

Inbox (1)

Morpheus froze and stared at the screen. There it was. Finally. His pulse racing, he reached for his headphones, struggling to plug it in in his haste. The file was slow to download, the recordings accounting for more than half of the book. Morpheus' fingers tapped impatiently against his desk as he watched the bar crawl to the finish line.

5:51PM.

Surely he could allow himself a quick browse through the file. The meeting with his editor―his other editor―wouldn't start for five more minutes, if not more, should they run a little late on their side. Morpheus found himself wishing they would. Unprofessional, a little voice admonished him.

He opened the file. It had been divided into sections, each corresponding to a chapter. Skip. Skip. Skip. He knew what he was looking for. The book had come out a year ago or so. He still remembered the outline well enough. For a while, he heard nothing but the initial breath of the voice actor, one for each chapter, before he would skip ahead. When he finally let the recording play, the voice engulfed him in its warmth.

Although Morpheus had been the one initially weaving the words and sentences together, they found another dimension and depth in that voice. He was rediscovering his work on someone else's tongue, and the effect left him... intrigued. A few voice actors had given life to the words on the page over the years but this one... This one breathed a soul into the story like none had ever managed to before.

When Morpheus had learnt Robert Gadling would narrate another one of his books, he could not resist.

The beta recordings were rough, lacking the polish of the final product, leaving intakes of breath in and other little imperfections editors would cut out. Morpheus could hear every huff, every chuckle when Gadling would stumble over a word and correct himself, going back to the beginning of the sentence. He could picture the smile on his lips then, the playfully apologetic look at the tech team. He had looked up pictures of him online, once. His face matched his voice: warm, inviting, with a hint of mischief. Suave, even. Morpheus had then closed the tab, embarrassed at his own thoughts.

The scene he had skipped to was professionally relevant, or, at least, he tried to convince himself it was. He had always understood sex scenes to be a tricky thing, for actors. At least, when it came to traditional acting, it was a shared awkwardness, a simulacrum of pleasure played by multiple people who could find solace in the fact that they were all on the same vulnerable boat, camera crew included. Now, voice actors... Acting choices could either make or break a sex scene. It required a subtle mix of smoothness and confidence few could manage. The last thing he wanted was for his words to sound clumsy and awkward, when the goal was quite the opposite. It was Morpheus' authorial prerogative to check every aspect of the audiobook fit his vision, after all.

As the chapter began and Robert Gadling's voice filled his ears, Morpheus imagined him in his recording booth, alone. Some audiobooks had multiple actors playing different characters, but this one only had him credited. There were slight fluctuations of tones, accents and speech patterns, as he switched characters. Morpheus listened intently.

"Gabriel gave a fleeting look downward. Nathan's shirt was soaked, revealing hints of the skin underneath. He tried not to stare, but only managed to do so through conscious and continuous effort. 'You should change your shirt before you catch something,' he told Nathan, his tone as casual as he could manage. 'You could borrow one of mine.' "

The acting was good. There was tension in the words, in the tone. The characters sounded like different people, even though they were played by the same man. Morpheus continued. In the book, things heated up quickly after a long, tentative courtship. He braced himself for the following scene, replaying the words in his head from memory.

" 'It smells like you.' Gabriel stared at him, stunned, unable to look away as Nathan stood in front of him, his own t-shirt and boxers for only garments. 'What?' he managed, his throat dry. 'It smells like you,' Nathan repeated, lifting the fabric to his nose with a smile. 'I like it.' Gabriel's gaze trailed down Nathan's body, only now noticing the growing outline of his cock aga―"

Morpheus paused. He had written those words. He knew those words, from having read and reread them a few dozen times during the writing and editing process. Yet he had never heard them. Especially not in that voice. Even the narration was sensual, almost cheeky, dripping with lust like honey. Clumsy and awkward it was not. It was.... something else entirely. Shaking off the feeling, Morpheus hit the 'play' button again.

" ―inst the taut fabric of his boxers. 'I like it,' Nathan repeated, slowly reaching for his cock through the thin fabric, his fingertips brushing the shape of it, well aware of Gabriel's undivided attention."

The rest of the scene followed, word for word Morpheus' work, yet somehow completely new to his ears. He sat there, enraptured, his eyes staring into nothingness while the rich, luscious voice surrounded him, filled him until it became his only focus.

A lewd, enthusiastic hum rose from the headphones, making Morpheus jump. Every word he had been anticipating thus far, but artistic license? It fitted with the narrative well. Too well. Not Gadling's first brush with erotica, he immediately guessed. He played it again for good measure. The sound was deeply erotic, with just enough warmth and breath. Real. It sounded real. It was followed by a breathy sigh Morpheus could almost feel at the back of his neck. God.

He played it again. He could feel the sound, the anticipation, the desire, the pleasure. Gadling conveyed it with such ease it felt genuinely intimate. Arousing, even. Morpheus ran his hand against the front of his own trousers, feeling the very real erection pushing against the hard fabric. This was ridiculous. Yet he could not stop. The scene kept playing, Robert Gadling's voice purring in his ears, words like caresses and gentle tugs, and he could not help but cup his cock through his jeans, seeking friction. He imagined him in the recording booth, leaning over the microphone, his features fitting the suggestive sounds, his lips wet from running his tongue over them. If he could just get a little further in the scene―

His Zoom alarm went off. Instantly, Morpheus removed his hand and his headphones, his back stiff as a board, a cold wave of panic rushing through him. Fuck! He gave himself a quick look through the camera of his phone. He was blushing slightly, to his utmost annoyance. Nothing he could not blame on bad webcam settings, he thought. The rest could be concealed easily enough. Especially when he was only visible from the waist up.

It was with a slight flush and a distracting, frustratingly hard erection that Morpheus answered his Zoom call, his mind scattered between book royalties, publishing dates, and Robert Gadling's voice still deeply embedded in his skull.

--

It was hours before Morpheus found a minute of free time. Night had fallen, the evening spent in front of a screen or on the phone, discussing the imminent release of his upcoming novel, one whose cover would feature his actual name, this time. Book releases were always exhausting affairs, between planning podcast appearances, book signings, press tours, and the likes. Morpheus disliked the fanfare of it all, the exposure, but could hardly complain. There were worse flip sides of the coin, out there.

At least writing under a pen name saved him the hassle, with the other half of his published work.

Lying on his bed, fresh out of the shower, Morpheus sighed, staring at the ceiling. He felt both exhausted and wide awake, his coffee-fueled brain refusing to quiet down. There were a few things the editor needed his input on in person, tomorrow, something to do with the cover art. He'd promised himself to write, too. Perhaps clean the flat a little. Too many fires at once, his sister's voice echoed in his mind.

His phone buzzed again. Incoming email from Lucienne.

Listened to it yet? Thoughts?

Plenty. Enough to know it was good. Enough to keep the reader listening. Enough for him to want to go back for more.

Going through his emails, Morpheus found the link to the beta recordings, and downloaded it onto his phone. He reached for old earbuds in his bedside table drawer. Where were we?

" 'Come here.' "

The latent desire in that voice was enough to get Morpheus right back where he had been, a few hours ago. Lying on his bed, he kept listening, swallowing hard at any well-placed sigh, any improvised grunt and whimpering sound. Was it even improvised? Did he plan on adding those? Did Gadling discuss it with the adaptation team beforehand? Marked the exact spots where he would do it in the printed script?

" 'You're so beautiful like this, love. Look at you.' "

God.

" 'I have thought about you like this. Hard under me. For me.' "

Hesitantly, Morpheus reached under the waistband of his pyjamas, finding himself hard already. He blushed at his own embarrassment, alone in his bedroom, his hand wrapped around his cock, his own words spilling in his ears. Vain, perhaps. Awfully self-absorbed. But deep down, he knew it was not that. Not really.

" 'Do you want me, Gabriel?' Can you feel I much I want you?' "

He hated himself for including so much narration in this passage, keeping him from the lascivious heat of Gadling's voice, waiting for the dialogue to return like a starving man begs for food. How could he do that? A wanton moan reverberated in his ears, quickly echoed by one of his own, harmonies of pleasure filling his head and his room.

" 'Fuck, you feel so good!' "

Why did his editor even let him publish that? Morpheus' mind was bridging the gaps between dialogue bits, ignoring the narration in favour of more pleasurable mental stimulation. He pictured Robert Gadling in his recording booth, focused over the microphone, his lips pressed into a sinful hum, his eyes closed. Gadling next to him, his mouth pressed against his ear, spewing new words, ones he did not write, ones of his own.

" 'Let me see those eyes.' "

Morpheus whined against his pillow, both from pleasure and frustration. He hated this. This was... mortifying, and yet he could not stop. He arched his back, chasing his pleasure.

" 'Fuck! I've waited for this for so long.' "

Morpheus came in his pyjamas in a muffled grunt, the release helping nothing with the shame spreading through him. It brought him some clarity, at least. Disgruntled, he yanked the earbuds out of his ears, Robert Gadling's voice reduced to a hushed whisper, the siren's song finally muffled. He looked down at himself, suddenly aware of the mess he'd made. Great. Fantastic.

His phone buzzed again. It was Lucienne.

Do you want the edited files once they are done? They would love your feedback before they start trimming it down.

Morpheus sighed, struggling against the brightness of the screen.

Yes, tell them I would like them.

[brb-on-a-quest]

Brb Book Club Reviews: The Queen's Thief by Megan Whalen Turner

tagging: @ramblings-of-lola and @hiddenvioletsgrow (who recommended the book, and i feel bad about lack of updates until like very end)

Date finished: 2/17/2025

Format: Audiobook from Libby :)

Length: 8hrs

Rating: 4.5 stars (AUGHHHHHHHH)

Thoughts: Literally straight up a fun time. Not for Our main character but it was for *meee*. It was a really cool plot and really cool set up and the worldbuilding (Literally the worldbuilding was excellent) was excellently done and I grew to love most of the characters (even if i hated most of them at first). Vaguely kind of like the Italian Job movie if it took place in like ancient history and there's only one person who's really competent at his job (like if you squinted).

Also gen gives very much bloodless vhas from rolling with difficulty vibes but literally no one's going to get it except me but if there was ever a modern au gen's got a bad australian accent.

Started off on the slow side but literally so worth it and not bad pacing overall really

the audiobook narrator did a really good job but literally will never hear 'yogurt' the same way.

Spoilery thoughts (There are actual spoilers, ppl be wary im sorry):

*screaming shaking crying*

Literally exactly the kind of book I wanted at the time. I don't know where to begin to be perfectly honest.

LIterally the build up that Gen's actually from like one of The Most Important Families caught me so off-guard and yet looking back to lines in the book it makes sense (especially the nobility)

Sophos/Sofos (I literally have no clue how any of these names are spelled im so sorry i just listen to it) best boi. Literally will kill anyone who harms him. Would make a terrible leader probs but i'd follow him anyway.

literally cried real tears with the Pol death like NOOOOOOO-

Literally always knew ambiades was a scumbag but chalked it up to normal elitism an pride that is so so everywhere in academia so was still surprised when he was traitor all the way from very beginning

Literally the temple scenes gave me actual chills especially when they met the gods for the first time.

Actually all the exposition was done really well. Like We love the magus for world-dumping all of the things for us and Moreover We Love Gen being like "actually ur wrong here's why."

BUT ALSO THE DYNAMICS BETWEEN EVERYONE SCREAMING

The magus and gen gaining a respect for the other and their positions. Magus being an absolute karen /aff to help gen and get him medical help he needs. Gen absolutely risking his own life over and over to get magus and sophos alive

literally the whole "everyone's secretly actually nobility" ending made me laugh and scream so hard. It's not so out of the realm of possibility that it didn't make sense, but I want to reread with that knowledge and be like heh. heh. heh. Also sophos being the kings nephew and the Heir to sunis is so funny. Like we're going to steal a magic rock to make ur uncle get married so he can have an actual heir and u can be ignored." Like sophos had actual motive to sabatoge and yet my boi did nothing. (although sophos probably would prefer to not be king of sunis)

Literally queen of attolia asking him to be her theif instead and gen responding that he already has a mistress *squeals* its sooooo gooddd (especially after finding out the mistress is actually Edis idk why it makes me laugh sm).

Moira. Just. Moira. I love her.

And Eugenides

Someone could really do an essay about the different approaches to find truth and justice between gen, ambiedes, sophos, and magus and even pol because it's very interesting but it's 1am so not doing that rn

the worldbuilding the vibes were 10/10. Screaming. I am currently in the middle of book 2 and so scared

Queen of Edis <3 the way she spills the whole tea with gen like we love catching up time

Gen being the historical fiction version of james bond

literally screamed after they found hermaitheses' gift (like yea i knew gen was gonna have it bc ofc my beloveds. but I was not expecting in his hair

If they make this in a movie i request the flynn rider man for gen. i'll think about everyone else.

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Fics Written As Gifts To Authors (2) Masterlist

part two

and true, the vision's hazy (ao3) - sensorydephrivation (memoryofamurder)

Summary: Ever since he was a small child, Phil had strange dreams. They seem to foretell terrible things, and a certain curly-haired man keeps showing up in them...

another day of sun (ao3) - blossomsphan

Summary: breakfast together, 12 years apart.

Baby it’s cold outside (ao3) - Allthephils

Summary: Dan’s car is stuck in the snow and Phil just happens by

Broken Like You (ao3) - TearDrop1234

Summary: Dan and Phil meet at a theater in a nowhere town. Their friendship is instant, but the rest not so much.

Chips (ao3) - philsmeatylegss

Summary: Dan struggling with the concept that all healthy couples should fight.

colder on the inside (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: A strong wind alone shouldn't suggest that something isn't quite right. That is the beginning, but a perfect idyllic night for Dan and Phil somehow devolves into a nightmare where nothing is as it should be, a night where the impossible happens.

Come Clean (ao3) - castrotophic

Summary: Dan thinks Phil might be in love with him, but he's not quite sure how to figure it out.

close up magic (ao3) - queerofcups

Summary: Phil is a witch. Dan finds out.

dan and philly's wet moments (ao3) - heartsopenminds

Summary: Phil loathes hiring people to come and fix stuff around the house - he never imagined that watching someone power washing a patio could be so much fun though.

DreamCasts Presents (ao3) - SummerFlingsAndThings (QueenJunoTheGreat)

Summary: Phil's son is obsessed with the faceless man who narrates audiobooks.

Dan's daughter is obsessed with the brightly dressed librarian in charge of the children's department.

And Dan and Phil? Well, they're a little obsessed with one another.

Dress (ao3) - ForeverJustAnEmoKidAtHeart

Summary: After the Halloween Baking video, Sister Daniel has some fun with Phil and Phil… Well, Phil should just be glad he made it through the end of the filming.

eloquent graffiti (ao3) - danhedonia (deathpeach)

Summary: Phil didn’t know it at the time, but that was the first painting of his that Dan inspired. Dan was his spaceman, his beautiful work of art that Phil wanted to spend the rest of his life recreating in every possible way.

Forever & Always (ao3) - ForeverJustAnEmoKidAtHeart

Summary: This was written for possumdnp who wanted a fluffy tour fic. I hope you like it.

(from the wings) i'll be watching (ao3) - moonanonymous

Summary: Phil is the assistant lighting director. Dan is the nutcracker prince. It's going to be a long day.

Imagine It (ao3) - Tesseractingrey

Summary: Dan realizes, after 15 years of being with Phil, he may not have commitment issues anymore. This leads to Dan and Phil taking a step that would have been unthinkable, even a year ago, let alone ten years ago.

ink and alice (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Dan joins a band instead of going to university, and then he meets Phil.

it is you (ao3) - manchestereyes

Summary: @danisnotonfire: I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone D:

When Dan gets permission to spend a week with Phil in December, he has a stunning realisation.

June Bug (ao3) - ZackStriker (PyroStormIsBae)

Summary: When the kiss ended, Dan ignored all the applause and pressed their foreheads together, took a breath just to feel the hot spring air swell deep in his lungs, tricked himself into thinking he could inhale Phil if he tried hard enough. When they were this close, so close that Dan could count the frail eyelashes that stuck out from Phil’s translucent eyelids, he forgot himself. Dan Howell became a heart without a body.

or: Dan and Phil have a June wedding.

Just Let Me Adore You (ao3) - yiffandquiff

Summary: Dan didn't know what to expect when he agreed to go to Switzerland with his brother to 'find themselves' again. But he certainly wasn't expecting a massive snow storm to pass by and completely shut down any roads, train stations, and airports. However, when the snow gets worse, a mysterious man stumbles into the hostel he's staying at, and Dan figures out pretty quickly that he and the man are going to have to get to know each other fast.

Keep My Hand In Yours (ao3) - totalincandescense

Summary: It was kind of just an unspoken rule of their relationship. At least one part of Phil’s body had to be touching Dan at all times or it would throw the balance of the universe.

Love Comes Without a Warning (ao3) - beaniebopbaby

Summary: Phil Lester wanted nothing more than to find his soulmate, his other half.

Dan Howell could not care less about finding his.

Love From The Other Side (ao3) - sapphic_sunflower_kid

Summary: It’s 2011 and Dan is struggling through university. This is, in short, three of the times Dan’s university life felt like it was spiraling and the three times Phil was sending love from the other side to help him cope with it.

AKA. The power of love and friendship drives Dan Howell to drop out of university.

Love you through it all (ao3) - Lesbianphan

Summary: A glimpse into Dan and Phil’s journey over the years, through dates/holidays and all the adventures they’ve embarked on together. Just some introspective fluff, featuring the many different stages of their relationship we’ve witnessed over the years

Neighbourly Nook (ao3) - wednesday_ukiru

Summary: The stranger had a dimple on his cheek that appeared when he laughed.

“I’m Dan,” he said, extending his hand. Phil reached for it with extreme eagerness, their knuckles knocking together in a particularly painful way, and they both winced, but Dan immediately broke into a smile. “I don’t know why I offered you a handshake, I never know how to do them.”

never quite as it seems (ao3) - Ablissa

Summary: Phil has a unique gift that allows him to see something he never expected to see - his best friend Dan, meeting the person that would most likely become the love of his life.

It hasn't happened yet, and right now, Dan has no idea what lies ahead.

When old feelings resurface and every choice may have a big impact on the upcoming events, will Phil be able to make the right decision?

Not Since I Posted The Cat Photo (ao3) - Absolutefilthimsosorry

Summary: Dan hasn’t been a ‘top bunk kinda guy’ since he posted the catboy photos.

Set after the catboy photoshoot

put a ring on it (ao3) - calvinahobbes

Summary: “Maybe the reasons we dismissed it before don’t really apply anymore.”

still so lucky (ao3) - jonsaremembers

Summary: Dan and Phil take a little trip, but Phil gets a migraine.

storm sirens (ao3) - dizzy

Summary: Dan and Phil are headed to another in the endless string of American tour dates for Interactive Introverts when a storm shakes them up a bit.

Super Graphic Ultra Modern Phil (ao3) - castrotophic

Summary: Phil buys a motorcycle. Dan can't decide whether he's horny or upset. Kissing ensues.

The Great Golden Pig Debate (ao3) - husbants

Summary: Phil wants to bring the pig to the new house. Dan does not.

The Knight of Wands (ao3) - Nefertiti1052 (Succubusphan)

Summary: Phil had always had dreams that he couldn't quite comprehend and a certain intuition about what was truly important for his future.

The Perfect Gift (ao3) - yiffandquiff

Summary: Phil Lester didn't particularly like Secret Santa that his maths teacher did every year. He normally received just simple gifts and was always underwhelmed. But this year, his Secret Santa gives him the perfect gift and he's determined to find out who this person is. It also helps that his Secret Santa has a crush on him too.

this is the place (where i don't feel lost) (ao3) - commonemergency

Summary: He loved it here. He loved being with Phil and his family. He loved not being on the internet or thinking about what people are saying online, he loved the walks and the talks and the freeness that being here brought. Or Dan spends Christmas and New Years Eve with the Lesters.

through the years, we all will be together (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: Martyn comes home for Christmas in 2009 and finally meets Dan, that guy his brother won’t shut up about. Ten years later, and it’s like Dan’s always been a part of the family.

Two of Martyn’s family Christmas celebrations, a decade apart.

Today Is For Us (ao3) - CaibrynM

Summary: Dan and Phil take a day for themselves in between the tour ending, planning for their premiere in Brazil and the upcoming Christmas Holidays. Lots of Fluff and a little smut.

two wolves (ao3) - possumdnp

Summary: They're in the middle of a meeting, and Phil seems to be trying to tell him something. But what?

(or, Dan accidentally wears a certain novelty wolf t-shirt to an online meeting with their tour team.)

Tuppence, tuppence (ao3) - ottertrashpalace

Summary: Dour joyless businessman meets quick-witted handsome chimney sweep who shows him the true meaning of Christmas

When the Storm Ends (ao3) - letspartyrightnow

Summary: dan gets caught in a snow storm and has to knock on a stranger's door to take shelter

Woman Who Doesn't Believe in Marriage Proposes to Long Term Girlfriend (REAL) (NOT CLICKBAIT) (ao3) - communist_cowboy

Summary: Dani and Phil are in it together for the love of the game. Yet as the years pass and they continue to intertwine their lives, what more really is marriage to two women who share a mortgage and a couple million kids on the internet?

[manyplushtoys]

Firffels: the Wuzzles Competitor That Disappeared

Recently, I found this toy at my local thrift store. I thought it was an oddly cute nativity toy, but upon closer inspection the tush tag read "FIRFFELS. I'm glad to be a SHAMEL." I did a quick search online and the first result was this page on Ghost of the Doll, a toy collector's site that archives information about 80s/90s toys and includes a forum where anyone can seek help with identifying toys. This lead me down a rabbit hole of figuring out just what Firffels were: a failed line of toys promised to be the next hot phenomenon, with minimal documentation online and a handful of toys floating around in thrift stores.

Other than Ghost of the Doll, I found info about Firffels in this 2010 blog post by Trish Babbles (written in an edgy, mean-to-be-funny style that I think is too uncharitable, but it was a different time to be online lol) and this blog post by AF Blog. My other info comes from Othello Bach's website dedicated to the book itself (her personal site is no longer functional) and from a handful of youtube videos I found of a Firffels commercial. Many thanks to these sources, without them there'd be like, nothing online about these creatures.

Firffels are based on the children's book Who ever Heard of a Fird? by Othello Bach, first edition published in 1984 by Caedmon Childrens Books (upon Googling, it appears that Caedmon is owned by HarperCollins now and focuses on audiobooks). The story follows Fird, a fish-bird hybrid, as he travels the world to find other firds. Along the way he encounters a goofy, lovable cast of other hybrid animals who have all never heard of a fird. The story ends with fird learning to love his uniqueness and find peace with being who he is. As is apparent in the Amazon link above (not sponsored, just showing my work), a used copy is $86 dollars right now. An audiobook narrated by Joel Grey (an actor that I'm unfamiliar with who is apparently known for his role in Cabaret) was also released on cassette, listed on Ebay for $75+. Luckily, there is a youtube video of someone doing a complete read through of the book, but the camera angle is poor. This is the only visual record I could find online of the interior illustrations by Michelle Dorman, other than a brief look at a few in a low quality VHS promo rip I'll get to in a minute, and the image below from an Ebay listing. There may be a few more photos in some Etsy listings that I missed.

In Trish's blog post they complain that Shamel is an ugly monstrosity and there were a few comments on Ghost of the Doll's forum of the same nature about Shamel, but I think Shamel is the cutest one! It just looks like a new breed of camel, meanwhile Fird in the background here is...he's so cartoonishly goofy. Idk how else to describe him. He's so fuckin' goofy. He'd make squeaky Spongebob-esque sound effects when he walks, I imagine.

The book was allegedly a hit and Remco bought the merchandising rights. They went all in, as is detailed in the 5 minute promotional video below. Based on a cast of 6 characters, plush toys and posable action figures hit the market with a promise that Hanna Barbera would develop an animated tv show starring Firffels, housewares would be made, there'd be a clothing line, and Design-a-Firffel contests would be held. A few housewares seem to have been made and plush toy sewing patterns were released, but I was unable to find evidence that anything else moved forward.

Absolutely fucking insane fact: according to this video, Caedmon Publishing was owned by Raytheon at the time. Thanks Raytheon for these cuddly children's toys and also, uh, horrific weapons of war?

After I bought Shamel, I went back to the store to see if there were more. There were! I found Bertle and Elephonkey, who still had the original tags. I swear the day earlier I had seen a frog toy with butterfly wings but it wasn't there anymore. I remember passing over it and thinking "eh, butterfly wings on a frog aren't cute," and did not bothering even looking at the tags. My mistake. Turns out that toy was worth a decent amount of money and was part of this whole story.

Bertle's pink belly super bright in real life, like neon. There is a sunbleached spot on it's front.

Elephonkey is the only one with original tags. I also included an image of the tush tag. For each toy the tush tag is the same but displays the character's name.

Hybrid animals are not a unique concept. Wuzzles, a line of plush toys that were animal hybrids with wings and likely made to compete with Care Bears, are brought up in most posts and forums where Firffels are mentioned--usually to disparage Firffels as being knock off, less successful Wuzzles. Wuzzles weren't exactly successful either, though they definitely lasted longer and had more reach, likely due to the backing of a Disney/Hasbro budget. AF Blog in 2015 makes a good point that I agree with: it's unlikely that Wuzzles and Firffels were ripping each other off due to production timelines. Toy lines can be in development for years before any information is made public. It takes a long time to design toys, then get them to a manufacturer, then go through the revisions process. Not to mention the time it takes to ship things out, negotiate contracts at every step of the way, etc. And, as AF Blog notes, Whoever Heard of a Fird? was released in 1984, a year before the first Wuzzles tv episode aired, and Firffels hit the market a year later.

People draw hybrid animals all the time. For example, furry adoptable artists draw hybrids all the time (take a shot every time you find a closed species that is a feline with a fish tail or deer feet or some other animal's defining trait), the Lego movie had Unikitty, and I literally went to Walmart today and in the toy section there was a miniature rabbit-like rainbow animal with wings and a unicorn horn there. The thing that makes these toys potentially appealing, in my opinion, is that they choose safe and popular traits: sparkly horns and feathery wings, for the most part. Things that are easily marketable.

The thing with Firffels is that they combined animals with traits that are less immediately appealing. Image below from Ghost of the Doll.

Some of them are cute but the others miss the mark. Personally I like Shamel and Bertle (the plush version only tbh).

Worth pointing out is that the character illustrations do not match the toy designs. If you go back and watch the commercials included in the 5 minute promo video, you can see that the Bertle plush and action figure are brown and green rather than pink and blue, and that Shamel's hair is brown instead of purple. I saw varied photos of the Butterfrog plush: some were lighter green while others were darker. Could be an issue with differing cameras, but I don't know for certain. And then there's Elephonkey, who is the most inconsistent of the bunch:

The first image is the prototype toy as it appears in the commercial. It is grey and flesh colored, with odd looking plastic hair. The second image is from Ghost of the Doll, of how the Elephonkey action figure actually appeared in stores. Third is a photo of my Elephonkey plush. Compare it with the official character art...well, he's not my favorite design in any incarnation.

I think the toys in the commercials were prototypes that were changed to brighter colors so as to appeal more towards girls. In the 30 second plush commercial there are 4 girl actors and 1 boy actor, with the camera shots getting closer to and focusing more on the girls' faces, so it would make sense. In contrast, the action figure commercial features 1 girl and 2 boys, and most of the camera shots are of the kids' hands playing with the toys, giving off a more boyish, gender-neutral vibe. Classics of gendered marketing, am I right? lol. But I think the change was a good one. I wouldn't have picked up Shamel if I hadn't seen the purple hair, and I definitely would not like Bertle if he wasn't pink. It gives the toys more of a cohesive style, a unique identity, and they fit in more alongside the Wuzzles/Care Bears visuals with the vibrant, happy colors. There's more of a toy-like quality to them, which increases the cuddle-ability and inspires more of an urge to play.

Discovering and logging all this inconsistency has been pretty fun. But it makes me think that these toys were probably doomed by a chaotic, unorganized development process behind the scenes. And given that the book was published in '84 and toys hit the market in '85...the signs seem to point to production being rushed.

To be fair to Firffels, it was probably a little harder in the 80s to hit it big with kids. You had to be lucky, you had to have connections with the right distributors, you had to anticipate what is universally appealing to children--one of the most unpredictable audiences out there--and you had to pay to air your commercials during prime child viewing hours. These are all things that are still true, but we have the internet now and the advertising power of the internet is scary. Going viral on TikTok has the potential to skibidi someone's toilet career. iPad babies are growing up into grade school kids who throw birthday parties every year and get toys as gifts. We are living in an era where mass-producing cheap little polyester plushies and plastic figures is easier than ever and corporations have massive budgets to pump into kids' eyeballs through every advertising avenue they possibly can. They don't even need to come up with the designs anymore, they can just partner with whatever Roblox game is popular right now and capitalize on that. Maybe Othello Bach should get on Roblox.

Actually, it appears that Bach was given the short end of the stick by the time Firffels were pulled. Though her personal website is no longer up, her other website dedicated entirely to Whoever Heard of a Fird? has some info:

At the height of Fird's success, with over 100 licensees cramming the store shelves with children’s merchandise and an animation contract with Hanna-Barbera, the book and all the merchandise suddenly vanished from the shelves.  Although she lost the rights to several other published children’s books at the same time, Othello has never received a reasonable explanation for what happened.

So this passage actually clears something up for me. This whole time something that hasn't really lined up is that I had assumed that Othello Bach published the book first and then was approached for merchandising rights after the book sold well. I actually think now it's possible that from the get-go the book was written with the intention for it to become a worldwide sensation. Not so much Bach's intent, though. I have some professional familiarity with licensing and other such creative publishing contracts, particularly with books. Based on what I know, I believe it's more likely that Bach pitched her manuscript to Caedmon Publishing and Caedmon, seeking to create popular IP, was like, "this has potential and we are going to sign you on not only for the book, but for more." That might be why the character designs are so strange: they were trying too hard to get famous quick and had instructed the illustrator (it is regular practice for publishers to pair authors with an illustrator and given how much was on the line for this IP, Bach might not've had much input here) to design characters that could also become toys. It's unlikely that Michelle Dorman, a kids book illustrator, had product design skills needed to make standout, awesome toy designs. Not a knock on her, illustrators just have niches within their field that they're best at it. It's why you see so many illustrators complain about how often they get approached to design logos--that's not what we do, thank you.

What's sad is that clearly Bach had signed a bad contract that gave away most of her rights as the writer to the publisher. She openly says so above. My guess is that Caedmon told her they needed more rights than usual to be able to conduct so much merchandising (like signing contracts with Remco, much easier to do when you don't have a third party also involved), and because they were pouring so much effort into it on their end. Bach is just the writer, so while the original idea is hers, Caedmon would have matched her with an illustrator and taken charge of all the licensing and merchandising. For a publisher this is a huge commitment financially and personnel-wise, so it makes sense why they would have put forth a contract that gave them so many rights. If Firffels had become as popular as they'd hoped, they don't want to not own the IP. They would have poured all those resources into it and not be able to reap all the rewards because that pesky author would own it. It's almost like contracts like these are predatory and only serve the interests of the publisher. Almost like publishers are companies existing in a capitalistic system and therefore only serve profit, not people. Almost like companies will never truly have artist's best interests at heart, and if you are ever to sign a contract with a big publisher you need to have a good lawyer by your side.

It makes me so sad to read that they didn't even give her a reasonable explanation as to why everything was cancelled. She does not even appear to have any of the merchandise on hand, as all the photos on her website are from Ghost of the Doll. In hindsight we can guess, obviously, why the cancellation happened but I'm in the moment it was probably upsetting. It's still upsetting, given that she has included this in her website for the...revamped book!

However, like Fird, Othello refused to give up. For the next 20 years, she tried to regain the rights to her work. Entertainment attorneys assured her it would never happen.  They said, "It can't be done!" But... it could be done and Othello did it, regaining the rights back to all her work.

Yeah, so, I actually think this is the saddest part about the whole thing. She managed to get some of the rights back and republished the book with...new art...that looks so fucking BAD. Image from her website:

Sorry to this illustrator, but got damn. There is no sauce to this art whatsoever. It is unseasoned, not even salt and pepper. This looks like ass and would never fucking fly with any editor worth their chops. It took me ages to figure out that the long yellow curved line is Fird's tail. Like, this is so unbelievably sad to me. I don't even really like the original art a whole lot, but compared to this...

My informed guess as to what happened is that Bach lawyered up and fought. As we know, Caedmon is now owned by HarperCollins. I can't say for certain but there was probably some case to be made that Caedmon being sold breached the contract, or nullified parts of it, or perhaps the contract expired. It could even just be that HarperCollins didn't care about an old, unprofitable IP and granted Bach her rights back. There is also Remco to consider: they also hold some of the rights, but probably just for the merchandise? Given how prominently their logo is displayed on the toy tags, they might actually own a significant share. Perhaps they were happy not to have anything to do with the book so long as the merch rights weren't touched. I don't know! There's no info about it on the site and this stuff is usually under NDA.

So Bach got her rights back, but she's just the writer. She doesn't own any of the art, so in order to republish the book she had to hire a new illustrator. She likely did not have a huge budget for it, maybe even paying for it out of her pocket because the Choice Books logo she has in several spots on the Fird website appears to be for a distribute on demand service, in place of a traditional publisher.

As the writer, she also would not have gotten the rights to use the original audiobook, so she had one re-recorded. It also appears like she does not have the rights to the name "Firffels" either, as the only places it appears on the site are in photographs of merchandise and in titles specifically referring to the work that is still owned by Caedmon. She carefully refers to her own work as "Fird" for short or the book's full title, probably because she cannot legally imply that she owns or made anything else.

I dug into this thinking it would be a quick look at some strange, forgotten toys from a bygone era. Instead I found a story about how an artist can so easily be shafted by publishers. Everything always loops back around to workers' rights, it seems. Stories like this about shitty publishing contracts (see: Webtoon if you want to get into something current) still appear so often, man. It's depressing, and indicative that the publishing industry needs some reforming ASAP. Like, Illustrators, when are we getting a proper union?

But I'm glad Bach got her rights back and got her book republished within her lifetime. I'm sad she didn't have the budgets for a better illustrator. Sorry to bring that up again, I work as an illustrator irl and I have opinions about craft, lol. Also I just think that given how hard Bach had to fight, she deserved to have better art made. That being said, here's another link to her current website. There's not much there but what is there is a monument to a battle she fought and won, and is proud of.

The lack of detailed, clear, centralized documentation of these toys frustrates me. One of the most frustrating things about the internet for me is that there are few easily accessible, publicly available archives of toys--even for modern toys. I've had to use Amazon reviews and Ebay listings and broken online stores to decipher publication years. With this in mind I decided to do a write up and provide clearer pictures of the toys that I have (I'll take hi res pics in natural lighting too someday). Archives are important to me and the internet kinda sucks for it, I say as someone who started this blog for that purpose. If Tumblr goes down, so does everything I've posted here. As an artist who works primarily digitally, one of the scariest things is knowing that I'm laboring over an ephemeral body of work. It's just not going to exist for very long unless I print it out on archival materials. Data is not the same as a physical object. My Firffels have survived for 39 years but the digital art I draw every day is unlikely to last past 10 years because websites die and files get deleted.

I bought the Firffels from my thrift store thinking I'd resell them. I'm low income so I sell many of the things I thrift. I prefer to buy the older toys or the ones that need cleaning because it makes me feel better about being a reseller (I don't want to take away options from low income kids in my area, ya know?). But I'm putting in the labor to freshen them up and I'm putting in the effort to make unavailable toys available again, at least for one person. And I don't have a whole lot of shelf space to display the toys in my collection...but for now I think I'll keep them.

[wombywoo]

Basics :

5. (been wondering about this 👀)

Movements :

10. idle stance?

11. how do they move in public?

12. what are their common gestures or physical tics?

15. are they coordinated?

16. how flexible are they?

(is this too much? I apologize 😞)

thank youuu <3 don't worry, it's not too much 😘

5. what is their voice like?

Quinn's voice is suuuuper raspy. In fact, it's quite weak most of the time and he often sounds like he struggles to catch his breath (product of throat injury 💀) It can get pretty dry and harsh, while not overly deep, and sometimes he loses it altogether if he's sick or has been speaking at length. His regional accent comes through a lot, even when he'd prefer it didn't. Lots of elongated vowels, dropping H's. In certain professional settings, he tries to speak with more of a received pronunciation, but he thinks it makes him sound like a posh twat (derogatory). He's got a quiet voice, and it's rare that he ever raises it to a shout.

Vincent has a smooth, deep voice, strong and well-spoken. It's very pleasant to hear him speak, and people have often remarked he should narrate audiobooks, lol. He's retained some of his old-fashioned upbringing with certain pronunciation and vocabulary. There's an essence of London while not straying into Cockney territory. Due to growing up with his mother, he does have a small hint of a Jamaican accent at times; a slight lyrical lilt that he accentuates only when he's feeling comfortable and happy. By Quinn's standards though, he still sounds like a posh twat (affectionate) <3

10 has already been answered~

11. how do they move in public?

I've mentioned that Quinn keeps himself guarded most of the time. In public, he tends to stay on the outskirts, never one to draw attention to himself. If he's walking through a crowd, he'll try to appear smaller, quickly making his way while trying to avoid contact with anyone.

Vincent carries himself quite proudly, and while in a public setting will try to remain casual and respectful. He's not a bit fan of crowds, but he's got a knack for reading the responses of others, so he's very good at knowing when to accommodate someone, step to the side, offer a smile, etc.

12. what are their common gestures or physical tics?

Quinn tends to furrow his brow a lot, even if he's not actively angry. He bites his lip when he's thinking, as well as scratching at his jaw and hair. When he's talking and trying to remember something, he'll do that snappy finger gesture with his hands. If he needs to address someone, he'll often tilt his head to signify he wants to talk. For tics, he fiddles with his ears or fingers. When feeling anxious, he'll unconsciously start clawing his nails into his thighs (I do this).

Vincent is pretty expressive with his gestures, moving his hands and arms around while he's speaking to emphasize a point. He moves around the room a lot too, especially if he's arguing. There are some subtle expressions in his face that he can't hide, a raise of his brows or roll of his eyes. If he's nervous, he might start clenching his jaw, making his cheekbones even sharper. If bored, he tends to roll the tip of his tongue back and forth over one of his fangs.

15. are they coordinated?

Quinn--not so much. In a casual setting, he's a bit of a clutz and is prone to banging his hip/leg/arm onto objects in his vicinity. When on active duty, he's definitely more focused on being coordinated, but can still fumble on occasion and "forget" to practice safety measures.

Vincent's quite coordinated, no complaints there. His vampire abilities ensure he's fairly stacked in all physical areas, so he can perform complex maneuvers with ease.

16. how flexible are they?

They're both preeeetty flexible 😏

Quinn's got a decent amount of agility and bendy-ness, lol. Vincent also possesses unnatural amounts of flexibility, so yeah...they appreciate that aspect 🤭