#someone better answer me rn what are they doing what are they filming

[louferrignojrofficial]

i am so…… just ….. very …. yeah

[johnnieguilbertsgirlfriend]

hamzah missing you on vacation

talk to me - hamzahthefantastic x reader

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contains: fluff, smut, reader is female, you read the rest and find out

word count: no clue rn but its short

story below the cut

hamzah: hi baby sorry i haven’t been texting n stuff i’ve been busy with martin and mandy yk but i love you sm and i miss you

you: i understand completely :) have fun and dw about me ily too

hamzah: i just got back to my room, u wanna call?

you: ofcc

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hamzah had gone on vacation to curaçao to relax and film videos for youtube and the podcast. he had brought the trip up to you, asking if you wanted to go. unfortunately, you had work and couldn’t take time off because this was one of their busiest months. you were both obviously disappointed, but he understood and you wanted him to go without you and have fun filming. (#securerelationships) when he got off the plane, that was the moment you realised that it was going to be difficult with extra work and no boyfriend, but you were managing so far. however, today you just got home and boy were you exhausted.

your phone went off as soon as you had sent him the last text. you wait 10 seconds before answering it. “hellooo?” you hear hamzah say. “heyy” you reply, matching his energy. “whats up?” “nothingg, i just missed you” this man knows just what to say. “wait facetime me” he says, while the button pops up on the screen. you answer and see someone else with him. “well hello martin” “y/n! how are you?” “i’m good, how has the trip been for you and mandy?” “so good, she loves it. but this guy here is constantly yapping about how much you would love it too.” “aghh, i know, it looks like a lot of fun, much better than what i’m doing haha.” “alright well i’m gonna go back to my room, cya guys.”

martin leaves hamzah’s hotel room to go back to his own. he turns his camera off, but you didn’t think much of it at the time. you can hear fumbling on his end of the phone. “so, tell me about your day.” you think hard, not even remembering what you did, but start giving him a little summary. you hear a zipper while you talk, but continue as he was probably just changing. you hear him release a groan, “hamzah? are you okay?” “yeah i- just wish you were here right now. hearing your voice isn’t enough.” you finally caught on.

“are you… jerking off right now?” his breath hitches a little. “i’m sorry- i just can’t get you out of my head baby. imagining you in a bikini just makes it worse.” he breathes out. your cheeks grow redder, thankful he wasn’t there to see it. the truth is that you needed him badly too. “well, what would you do if i was there?” you ask him in a more lustful tone. he stops palming himself through his boxers, and removes them instead. “i would pull the string from your- top” he starts slowly stroking his dick. you start taking off your oversized shirt, not bothering to wear a bra because you were home alone. “and then, fuck, i would kiss you everywhere and touch your boobs.” you start massaging your breasts, moaning a little. “mhm, and then what?”

he whimpers, barely audible on the phone. “i wish my hand was yours right now baby. i would probably- m’ take off your bikini and fuck you so good.” he groans out while you take off your panties. you insert a finger into your pussy, ”uh shit, hamzah” you moan out, wanting to help him reach his high. his breathing gets heavier, and all you can think about is if he was the one fingering you right now. “you make me so fucking hard babe-“ you push in another finger, rubbing your clit slightly faster. “keep going hamzah” you praise him, making him involuntarily buck his hips into his hand. “i bet your pussy would taste so good right now.” he says, and you stretch yourself more.

“i can’t hold it,” “just let go y/n” that last sentence made you moan loudly and release your orgasm, panting to try to catch your breath. he groans out, cumming on himself, relieved. “i love you so much.” “i love you too” “you’re definitely coming on the next trip no matter what.” you start getting stuff ready to clean yourself up. “i will, and i think im gonna take a shower now baby.”

“mmm, part 2?”

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thank you for the request im so tired and drained rn but hopefully this will hold you guys off for the next one. ;)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

You seem like an incredibly well read person, plus someone with a lot of insight into intimacy because of your work. So, in light of your romance book reviews, which are an absolute highlight on your patreon, do you have any insight into what is needed/suggested for a good romance novel?

g o d this is so fucking hard and also really fun to chew on. I want to preface this by saying this is ENTIRELY subjective and based completely on what I *PERSONALLY* find that I enjoy in a romance. this isn't, like, an objective guide on how to write a romance that doesn't suck. that doesn't exist because people like different things, and I'm speaking from one perspective.

also I should say that my preferred flavor of romance novel is solidly contemporary. I haven't read many historicals, certainly not enough to opine well on them, I don't do those mafia dark romances or whatever the fuck, and I've barely dabbled at all in any kind of fantasy romance, whether they're full high fantasy or witchy urban fantasy stories. (although I'm about to do one of the latter next month, you can vote for a book on my patreon rn!)

having gotten all of those caveats out of the way, here's some shit I like and dislike:

there are exceptions to this but broadly, I prefer a POV for everyone involved in the relationship. to me a romance where we're only seeing events from the POV of one member of the relationship automatically makes it seem like one person matters more in a dynamic where everyone should be of equal importance. also, god, if the plot's really going to hinge on not knowing what's going on in one partner's head suggests that miscommunication is going to be a pretty critical part of the plot, and I hate that shit. TALK TO EACH OTHER. I'LL KILL YOU.

on that note, there needs to be an actual compelling reason why the characters can't be together, okay? the #1 driving tension of every romance is "why the fuck can't they be together yet" and you BETTER have a good answer. whether it's interpersonal or external forces, if there's a very easy solution to what's keeping them apart then your characters look dumb and I'm bored. one of the most frustrating romances I've ever read involved two characters who were mutually attracted to each from the JUMP, who refused to act on it because they were coworkers (neither of them in any position of authority of the other, nothing unprofessional or inappropriate about it) and they were "only" living in the same state for A YEAR. A FULL YEAR !!! shut up. get a grip and kiss each other.

now, having said that: whatever your bullshit reason is for these two characters to be interacting with each other, you need to COMMIT to that shit so hard that I, the reader, will feel silly for even questioning the logic. the worst offender I've ever seen on this front is D'Vaughn and Kris Plan a Wedding, which pulls its protagonists together via a reality TV competition and then just... promptly loses any interest in really dealing with the actual realities of being filmed 24/7? it's insanely distracting how little the book engages with its central hook, and was a huge point deduction for me. whereas you have, like, The Bride Test, a book with a premise that skirts dangerously close to a little bit of human trafficking but embraces the whole premise so wholeheartedly that you completely forget about the potentially horrific elements in there. who cares that Esme was bribed here with the promise of a green card if she seduces a man she's never met? there's whimsy happening! we've moved on! it's literally fine and she's in no danger except the danger of a BROKEN HEART.

this one is going to seem SO obvious but like. I need them to be actually like each other. I'm not saying they can't be mutually bitchy while they grow to like each other or anything, they don't have to always be NICE to each other, but there are so many M/F romances where the dude is just flat out fucking MEAN and condescending to the girl until he decides he wants to fuck her. and sometimes even after that! stop it! after a certain point I don't want her to fuck him I want her to run him over a car!!!! there's suuuuch a line between "guy I butt heads and exchange banter with but could fuck if we just got to know each other" and "man who hates me and is for real fucking bullying me."

"kisses only," "doors closed," whatever term they use for a romance novel without any sex scenes on page, I don't like it. listen: I know that they're not everybody's cup of tea, and I FULLY recognize that a lot of romance novel sex scenes are unfathomably cringe. and yet, I need them. partly because they're funny, but also because if this book wants me to be invested in the developing relationship between two adults who are supposed to be WILDLY sexually attracted to each other, then I want to see the damn sex. no matter how many bad similes or unfortunate adjectives it entails. and if you're not going to show me the sex, don't you dare have the characters gushing about how great it is. I'll be the judge of that, thank you very much. (I'm looking at you, Sorry, Bro.)

related: there's this thing that I call "Horny Wolf Syndrome," which is derived from this tweet:

initially I used it to refer to when previously sweet-tempered male romance protags inexplicably started talking like horny wovles during sex scenes - "LET ME SEE YOUR PRETTY CUNT ON MY COCK" and the like - but now I more generally use it to refer to scenarios in which characters of any gender completely dispense with their established personality while they fuck in order to fulfill a more broadly appealing, one-size-fits-all sexual fantasy. I hate that shit; if your characters act like completely unrecognizable people during sex, you didn't write very strong characters. one of my favorite things about writing sex scenes is that it's so SO interesting to see how their the characters' personal quirks translate into a setting that's very different from most other contexts, and it's deeply disappointing when authors take the easy route in favor of some pornhub dialogue.

one of the things that actually won my most recent read, Raiders of the Lost Heart, a HUGE amount of points with me was how frank the female lead was about initiating sex for the first time. it was completely in character for her and felt really different than any other book I've read, and honestly? it was a breath of fresh air.

[siddyyyyyyyy]

Only Friends

Tim Drake x Reader

wc: 0.8 K summary: You both get flustered in an interview warnings: none, no y/n used a/n: got this silly idea while daydreaming (once more) even though i have three fics going on rn. (also, it would be better if you know the concept of 'World's most searched questions' from Wired) enjoy!

It was like every other day, just getting ready for an interview, taking the interview before doing the other stuff you have to do by yourself. It's simple, not too stressful or overwhelming. And you are actually quite excited considering it's not an usual interview. It's actually on the 'The Web's Most Searched Questions', it feeling a little exciting to be in such a format for the first time. For preparation, you watched some interviews of other actors or different celebrities to make sure you got the concept, also making sure you got the times and location right with your co-star, Tim Drake. He's in most interviews with you because of the latest movie you both acted in together. This time, being enemies in the movie. Other movies or shows, you had either neutral or romantic relationships together. But in reality, you were nothing more but friends and colleagues. You considered yourself lucky with such a nice and funny colleague, having known him for a few years already. Besides the more romantic and heated scenes, you both remained close friends throughout your career.

Once you both are ready to take the interview, having the mics set and camera pointed at you, it's time to begin. The staff explained to you one last time of how it all works, having your big card of questions first. You both inteoduce yourselves to the audience, well, camera, and slide off the first tape to the first question. It reads your name, followed up with a question, if you played in a show from six years ago. Of course, you answer it truthfully, it going well for now, explaining briefly when that show aired and how it was playing that part. Moving on, the next question is just as normal as the other. A simple question about one of the films you once starred in, answering honestly again. The next one is a little bizzare, even to you. It reads your name, followed up with a rather random and personal question. "... am I, what? Do I gossip on set?" You read aloud, being mostly confuses on why that's the third most searched question on Google about you. Where did people get that idea from. You turn to Tim beside you, still confused. "Did you start that rumour?" He can barely contain a straight face at you, shaking his head while cracking up. "I think it's about the secret pictures of us 'gossiping'." Tim answers, putting air-cotation-marks with his hands at the last word. There were a few pictures the paparazzi took of you both whispering things to each other, but you never really thought too much about it. And you definitely were gossiping, it was just rude to be truthful about it. "Ah, right. These pictures still haunt me at night, but no. I do not gossip on set. I wait until I get home." You joke lightly as you look back to the camera, continuing with the next question on the board in your hands. The last four questions go on without any weird one's popping up, until you uncover the last one. "... and Tim Drake couple?" You read aloud again, your brain short circuiting at the question. You and him, a couple? Seriously? You knew people like gossip, but was that actually serious? Tim blushes slightly beside you, glancing over to you to see your reaction. You seem just as taken aback as him. There's not much to say, really. Finally, you shake your head and look back at the camera, trying to make it as casual as possible. Ignore the five seconds of silence before your answer. "Nope. Never been together." Tim nods in agreement, keeping his wyes anywhere but you. You really haven't expected this to go awkward, considering interviews bever get awkward. There's always someone talking, either the interviewer, you, or the staff. But this is genuinely awkward. Embarrassing even. You are sure you will get nightmares about this exact incident years later. Clearing your throat, you hand your board back to the staff, Tim getting his own now.

His first question is just as light as yours, the mood getting quickly back to the one before. It's light, fun and easy. You talk a little too and poke fun at Tim as he answers his question, eventually getting to the third one.

"Tim and Drake couple with..." He trails off, seeing your name at the end. This time, it's rather annoying than embarrassing. He sighs out and look towards you briefly before frowning at the camera. "Guys, we just had that question. It's embarrassing, really. We're not together, even if our roles say otherwise in some movies." Tim explains slightly annoyed, noticing how embarrassed you are at the question. You shouldn't be, considering it's definitely not your fault and people just like some gossip. However, you also feel some different kind of emotion stir up in you. The idea of being with someone, of people knowing you are together with someone is new and sounds way better than denying it all the time. Of course you won't say that on an interview, let alone to Tim, your long-time best friend of a couple years. You both know it won't get to something more than that, both being strict about that in your friendship. You've crosses the line of friendship in roles, qs actors, before but it never felt as good as actually being with someone.

Ignoring your thoughts as best as possible, you move on with Tim. His questions are rather more funny than yours, him messing around with his answers a little as well. There's a sloght difference you noticed, and it's that people seem to take you more seriously. Probably because of the roles you play, maybe because of the personality you put on for the media. Either way, it creates an interestjng dynamic between you and Tim overall. Fans seem to like it, and it seems to work great as usual on interviews. But you never thought they could think of you both in that way. The video is finished and you both return to your own cars, hugging goodbye as usual.

◐

A few days have gone by after that interview, and you decide to check it out. The video has about four million views by now, considering the video got published about three days after you filmed it. You start to watch it, skipping through it a little before the weird question. You seem indeed confused and flustered bt the question, them having edited your moment in a funny way. A computer buffering sound on the background, zoomed in into your face with a loading icon at your forehead. It's actually funny, even if it wasn't funny when you were answering it at the moment. Tim seems just as confused for a moment, you both denying the question as politely and smart as possible, to avoid useless scandals or rumours. Okay, wasn't so bad. Tim's part was less humerus, actually nore straight to the point with hoe annoyed he answered the question. The video ends after you say your goodbyes to the camera, getting to the comment section. You read the first few one's, them being supportive and sweet. The longer you scroll down, the more you start to lose hope in your fans. They genuinely seem to ship you. It would've been funny, but now that you think of it... it doesn't sound too bad. You make your way to some fanfic websites you still know from your earlier teenage years, searching up your name with Tim. Indeed, thousands of suggestions pop up, not having expected more than hundreds of thousand people wrote some kind of romantic content between the two of you. You are really sure Tim would hate you for it, but you go ahead and read some of it. Most were just some silly short stories about the two of you being in love on set, but some were the most heart and gut-wrenching fluff you've ever read. You didn't touch the angst tag, being too scared of getting hurt over fictional problems.

You take a break from everything, deciding it's best to never touch anything like that ever again and ignore it overall. You and him were just friends. Nothing more, nothing less. You would sacrifice everything for him and make sure he stays happy, but never cross the line between friendship and partners, in fear of ruining anything. He would most definitely do the same, if not more for you, but there's no way you'll ever be more than what you are now. Drying off your few tears, it's time to get to the next set of filming, staying friends with Tim. 

←MASTERLIST

a/n: also, sorry for being dead in the last few days or weeks, idk, but there's a few things going on and i won't be able to reply or post as quickly as before, but I'll try!! hope you enjoyed it

[chaifootsteps]

i saw an interview this morning where valentinos voice actor is asked about his characters relationship to the other vees and he briefly explains that vox and val in this weird gay relationship where they make out and do stuff but then straight up says "uhhhh i dont know what valentinos relationship is with velvet lol!"

the bar is in hell for women characters (pun intended) because a velvet USED to have a relationship with vox and val during the instagram days. i like that she was more like a daughter to him and that they bonded over violence! shit like that was what actually made valentino feel like a complex character who can be good and bad. because i literally cannot think of a single relationship hes on good terms with. voxvals whole appeal is that theyre toxic gay bitches! so having just ONE good relationship in his life, even if its just with his weird 30 year old coworker daughter, could actually make him feel like a person with layers like valentino fans desperately insist he is in the show.

since rn velvet just kind of. exists! she barely speaks to the other vees, doesn't seem to enjoy spending time with them unless she can film them dancing and making out, shes mostly frowning in the finale whenever vox opens his mouth, and never directly even speaks to val. why would val not speak to someone he lives (i think) and considers his equal?

like she very much has the ability to become a compelling fun character/villian when shes separated from the other vees. which sucks! because it just makes me wonder "would valentino or vox tangibly lose anything if velvet didnt work with them? and would anything change about their dynamic if she wasnt there?" and i know the answer is "probably not!"

the fact that no ones mentioned her despite s2 having a "heavier focus on the vees" is so fucking telling. she really doesnt feel like the backbone of the vees! she feels like the third wheel vox and val hired and she just stays with them for power despite her not speaking/having a relationship with them at all. its not even like the idea of "30 year old woman stops caring so much about her gay dads she created and slowly begins to resent them, working with them anyway for power" is a terrible idea, but i absolutely know thats not what viv intended. vel is absolutely an afterthought in the writing when shes with the other vees and its apart of what makes me dislike them now more then ever. if s1 couldnt even have velvet speak to the other vees about ANYTHING other then important business stuff (like, idk, fashion, technology, love potions, the few fucking things these characters have in common) then i doubt s2 is gonna be much better.

anyway velvet should leave the vees and get some granny gyatt from carmilla thank u 4 reading <3

Calling it now, season 2's going to contain as little Velvette as Viv can get away with. Because you said it best yourself -- she's not so much a character as a third wheel Vox and Val hired. If they're not around then she's sometimes allowed to shine, but if they are, forget it. It's all about them.

[saintsenara]

Hey!

My main takeaway from your unhinged ships series - which provides me with limitless entertainment btw so thank you for your service - is how intricate your knowledge of the HP series is!

I'm kind of in a weird limbo rn where I have a great love for this world and the series but JKR's behaviour in recent years has completely turned me off the whole thing. I've been too disheartened to engage with the canon material in any real sense for years, but your exploration of it is kind of rekindling my interest. Do you have any thoughts on this?

Also, is HP like your niche or do you possess an encyclopaedic knowledge on any other works of literature or pop culture phenomena? This is just pure curiosity on my end.

thank you very much for this anon! it's extremely sweet.

how to reconcile being a part of this fandom - and, especially, how to be in a corner of the fandom which places more emphasis on the text than others - with jkr's decision to become a bigot is a question i'm sure we've all spent a lot of time on, and it's one which is going to have an inherently subjective answer.

my personal view is that she'll never get another penny out of me - i'm persevering with my original copies of the books, judiciously sellotaped; i won't engage at all with the upcoming television adaptation; i've not seen the fantastic beasts films; i wouldn't go and see cursed child; i wouldn't play hogwarts legacy; i don't buy merch and so on - but that writing my little stories and yapping away on my little tumblr is fine, because it's an engagement with the series which, no matter how much it focuses on the text she wrote, is still mine rather than hers.

but - of course - there are entirely reasonable arguments against this position, in either direction. someone who does engage more with jkr's post-radicalisation output could justifiably say that - since i've written stories involving delphini, who only exists because of cursed child, the fact that i've never seen or read the play is irrelevant and my insistence that there's a meaningful distinction between enjoying the expanded world of the series and enjoying the expanded world of the series in a way jkr materially benefits from is performative nonsense. someone else could justifiably say that jkr benefits [directly and indirectly] from all fandom engagement, even if that fandom engagement is critical of her and even if it doesn't financially support her - the upcoming television adaptation, for example, wouldn't have been greenlit if hbo didn't think it would get an audience, and the continued vitality of the harry potter fandom undoubtedly contributed to their belief that it would.

neither of these arguments are wrong - although neither is objectively correct either. each of us has to form a subjective opinion, be ok with it, and be open to changing it as time passes.

and i do genuinely think that engaging with the text as a text - something else i bang on about all the time - is helpful when it comes to reconciling everything.

i know it sounds very pretentious [and i also suspect that many people think the series isn't "well-written" enough to justify such pretension...] to say that the fandom needs to get better at embracing a variety of methods of reading the text and understanding the author's relationship to it.

this isn't me saying that anyone who wants to get into fandom needs to be able to rattle of the names of literary theorists, or be able to give an answer to "the series is historiographic metafiction: discuss".

[although if anyone would like to try and argue in favour of that proposition... i'd shriek.]

what it is is me saying that the dominant way of reading the text in the fandom - which is to focus on the reader's emotional response [and, above all, the reader's emotional response in childhood] - can end up giving jkr quite a bit more authority in how we engage with the series than she deserves. it's why many of us might say that we feel she's "betrayed" or "taken something away from" us, for example - and it's why many of us might feel that she's forced us into approaching the series in ways which decentre the canon material.

and this is - obviously - a completely legitimate way of engaging and responding. but there's also a lot to be gained from thinking outside of our emotional responses about things like the genre conventions which govern the series, the tropes and archetypes it uses, its language and syntax, its existence as something standalone, the other works of literature which influence it, and the social and historical context in which it was written. treating the series as "just" some books reduces jkr's authority over our response to it - and while the argument that this doesn't mean anything in the real world, since all she's going to care about is that people are reading her stuff, is an inherently reasonable one, i do think it has real-world benefits to us in how we square the circle of enjoying the text.

more controversially, though, i think it's also worth thinking about the personal context in which the series was written.

for me, the author is dead based on whether or not i need her to be. i don't think that the only valid interpretation of a text is the author's intended one, and i don't think that the only valid interpretation of a text is one dependent on matching parts of the story onto the author's biography. but i do think it's important for readers to know both what jkr understands the text as saying and what has happened in her life that bleeds through into it [such as the way her difficult relationship with her father and her experience of her mother's terminal illness undeniably influences the series' prioritisation of sacrifical motherhood and certain coolness towards fathers]. this doesn't mean agreeing with - or even empathising with - her by any means, it's just another tool in our arsenal when it comes to thinking of the series as no more or less special than any other piece of literature, and jkr no more or less important to our interpretation of it than any other author.

and i think it's worth saying that she doesn't seem to be someone who's bothered when fans say that she doesn't understand her own text or that she's lost the right to speak about it or that the fandom has taken it back from her - which is also why when people say that non-canon shipping [especially of queer pairings] must piss her off i think it's just cope - because she can spin that as these people being childish and unwilling to face reality.

but she does seem to be bothered by people who say "yeah, i know that's what you think and i know that's what you intended... but i disagree and you don't have the right to dictate otherwise".

[this is why - i think - she gets so frothingly pissed-off by daniel radcliffe's immaculate stance against her anti-trans bigotry. he's always very firm in saying "she can think what she wants, but - firstly - this isn't about what she thinks privately, it's about what she does publicly and - secondly - i think she's completely wrong and i'm not going to change my mind just because she wants me to", and she obviously doesn't like the fact that this is much harder to spin into the narrative that she's being "oppressed" and "victimised" than she'd like...]

the text is just a text, and she's just one woman, but our ways of reading are infinite and important and ours. the new horizon in literary theory is "fuck her, we ball".

[when it comes to "do i have a good memory?" the answer is "yes, but for purely useless information". when the question is whether that good memory relates to other pieces of pop culture, i'm either very lucky or very unlucky - depending on where you stand on such things - that the fandoms for hit millennial sitcoms don't seem to be large... otherwise i'd clearly be spending all my time writing epic nick/schmidt or liz lemon/jenna maroney romances and/or being cancelled for being in george michael/maeby nation...]

[itsohh]

Proposing with the Spetsnaz’s

A/N: R6S is in a bad spot rn but at least the ops are still hot. Big thanks to my lovely beta lululandd who I would die for.

Warnings: None

Glaz

There was an anxious shift in your mind. One that had been like that the entire time you sat there. You were almost completely alone, the night sky shining a million diamonds above while you had curled up by the window. There was a little window seat that you always loved to read at, it was a peaceful little spot in your lover's apartment. What was different about this time was the fact that he sat parallel to you. 

In front of him was a large canvas, one he had been working on for hours on end. It made you so anxious about your movements, so scared that you would interrupt and change his view if you moved. At first, when he brought it out, you had gone to move but he had insisted on you staying there. He’d even brought you a warm drink to coax you to stay there- even a blanket. 

“Relax, if you were in my way I would have asked you to move two hours ago.” He placed down the brush and put it to the side. He stepped back, let out a breath and nodded. “But, doesn’t matter now. I’ve finished.”

“You’ve finished?” You cocked a brow, he was never usually that quick at painting and you couldn’t imagine a canvas that big would only take a few hours. His eyes flicked up with a smile and nodded.

“Ah, I’ve been working on it for a while now but finally got around to finishing it tonight.” There was a look in his eyes, one that you couldn’t quite place. Was there something off? Yet, he didn’t seem upset in any way. “Would you like to see?” At his question, you nodded and closed your book. You placed it to the side and sat up. Timur turned the stand around and the painting with it.

Your lips parted as you saw the entirety of the picture. It was far more zoomed out than you had originally thought. Instead of just the sky and buildings nearby, it was the direct view from where he stood. A frame of where you sat. Your head was turned towards the sky, while your book was open in your hands. The blanket covered your curled legs. “Timur…” Your breath hitched as you saw the night sky in the painting, it wasn’t the same as you spied outside. Instead, the stars spelt out ‘Marry me?’ Your head looked up and you made eye contact with you. “Do you mean it?”

“I wouldn’t have spent all this time painting it if I didn’t.” 

The blanket fell to the ground and you leapt to your feet. It took you a couple of seconds to get around the canvas but you stretched your arms out around him with a laugh and a smile. 

“Yes, Timur. Yes.” You pressed your hands against his face and leaned into him. The kiss you gave him was sweet. It was long and slow and he didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you and pull you into his lap. When the pair of you parted it was only barely, you couldn’t contain the grin that consumed your entire face. 

“I didn’t even show you the ring.” He breathed while your forehead pressed against his.

“I didn’t need to see it to know my answer.”

Fuze

Light from the projected screen illuminated the room. You were rather cozied up next to Shuhrat, it wasn’t too often that the pair of you could go to the theatre without someone else joining you. How he had managed to pull it off remained unknown but you didn’t bother to ask into it. Sometimes things were better left unknown. In all honesty, you hadn’t been paying too much attention to the film. Instead, you were focused on the way you were snuggled against Shuhrat's arm. His hand had made its home on your knee where his thumb gently stroked. A blanket covered the pair of you while the movie continued all around you. 

“This movie is bad,” Shuhrat mumbled and you couldn’t help but laugh at his monotone voice. 

“You picked it.” You pointed out and his eyes turned to focus on you.

“I picked poorly.”

“Ah, not all of them can be winners. We can turn it off and put something else on if you like.”

“I don’t want to ruin you watching it.”

“I’m not gonna lie Shuhrat, I zoned out like half an hour ago.” He raised a brow at you and you shrugged. “I just like chilling with you. We’ll be back in the field tomorrow and it’s nice to have a calm before the storm.”

“You don’t like the storm?”

“Not recently with how many people we have lost to it recently.” You glanced away for a second. “She can be a cruel mistress but I don’t think I would trade it for the world. This is my place in the world and I’m happy with that. I think one day the storm will take me too but that's just part of life.” 

Shuhrat stared at you and you couldn’t help the heat that formed on your face. You cleared your throat and unlatched from his arm. “Sorry, didn’t mean to get so morbid.”

“I have to ask you something.” His words demanded your attention and you turned to face him.

“What's up?”

“After last time I wasn’t sure I would ever want to ask this again but after some careful consideration, I think I am. You're by my side day after day, night after night and I want you covering my back for as long as you can.” His other hand escaped the blanket and you could see the small box in it that he opened with his thumb. There sat an engraved platinum ring. It didn’t have any rocks on it and was rather minimalistic, perfect for everyday use in your line of work. “Will you marry me?” He looked at you for your reaction. 

You covered your mouth with your hand. The car explosion on the projector went unnoticed as you silently nodded towards you. 

“I mean we already moved in together and everything I just thought you never wanted to actually like… get married.” You whispered. 

“I didn’t, not for a long time.”

“What changed your mind?” 

Shuhrat looked away from you at the question and you tilted your head to get a better look at him. “Something Timur said to me.”

“Timur? What did he say?”

“We were watching you take down Alexsandr and he said to me, ‘It seems fate really did have things in store for you when you broke off your engagement. I’m glad that you managed to find your one. Especially someone able to keep Alexsandr on his feet. Or the floor I suppose.’ He was right and I didn’t want to squander that.” He picked the ring from the box, took your hand from your face and slowly slipped the ring on. There was a warm smile on your face that was so extremely rare to see. Shuhrat brought your hand to his face and gently kissed just below the ring. 

Kapkan

Sleep had long since taken control of you. It wasn't your fault though, it had been a long day and an even longer drive. With the music at a low level and a comfortable silence between the pair of you, it was rather easy to slip into your dozed form. 

Maxim hadn't bothered to wake you, there was no reason to. Besides, he did like that relaxed face that spread across your face. It wasn't until he parked the car at the cabin and got settled did he go to disturb you. His attempt to pick you up without disrupting or waking you failed and soon you stirred from your sleep in his arms. 

He had made sure to open the door before he picked you up so it was easy for him to carry you. A yawn left your lips and you blinked away. "Go back to sleep. I'll look after you." 

You pressed your face into his chest slightly. "We're here?"

"Yeah, don't worry I'll sort everything out." 

"Mmm, you’re too nice to me." That had him chuckle slightly. It wasn't very often he was called nice. 

"I look after my own."

"Is that what I am?" 

"Hmm?"

"I'm yours?" You asked and he cocked a brow. 

"I had assumed so considering the nature of our relationship was I wrong?" He already knew the answer and exactly how you felt but humored your question regardless. You had piqued his interest. 

"Make it offical then. In writing."

"In writing?" 

You pressed your lips together and cleared your throat slightly. "I am formally asking you, Maxim Basuda, if you would like to marry me." Your voice had a slight joking tone. A performance tone. He chuckled and placed you on your side of the bed that he had already prepared before he got you. 

"I'm serious. I wanna get hitched. I don't really care too much about how we do it or where really. Fuck it we could get eloped if you wanna. But I wanna marry you, Maxim. Really badly." 

He stared down at you and then sat on the bed next to you. "How long have you thought about this?"

"A while, I've been waiting for you to ask for ages and finally got sick of waiting. Thought I'd bite the bullet and just ask, it wasn't hard to when I got to wake in your arms ." 

He turned away with a tsk. The man seemed a little amused but annoyed. "I've been trying to decide on a ring for a while now." He pulled out a box from the inside of his jacket and snapped it on the table next to you. "Everyone has ideas. Personally, rings don't matter that much to me but I can't deny I like having a piece of me with you." You picked up the box and flicked it open where inside was a  basic ring. It didn't have any customisation to it, completely uniform. It was rather dark and caught the small amount of light that streamed into the room from the hallway. 

"Jordan suggested it. It's tungsten. I was planning to ask you sometime during this trip but you beat me to it."

You twirled the metal ring on your finger. "You went around asking everyone?"

"First it started with Alexsandr considering he's been married before then it grew from there. It was quite interesting to see the way that they talked. A lot of them said what they would want and then there were a few debates on what you would like."

"How did you decide?"

"Jordan discussed the properties of the metal. I wanted something that would remind you of me."

"...Something that shatters under a lot of pressure? One of the hardest things out there?"

"I was going for practice." He gave you a playful glare and you slipped it on with a grin. "If you don't like it I can-"

"No! It's mine." You clutched your hand to your chest for a second and leaned towards him. "And so are you."

Tachanka

The wind whipped past your face as you sprinted. Gunfire continued all around you. What seemed like a marathon was only about twenty meters, maybe thirty. “Hey come on, don’t tell me you're tapping out this early.” Your voice was a jest, a concerned but lighthearted smile on your face as you helped him up off the ground. The metal table acted as perfect cover while he shook off the bullets to his plate. 

“Take a little more than that to keep me down.” He smiled with a groan and rolled his shoulders. You heard a decent popping crack from one and couldn’t help the laugh that escaped your lips. He raised a brow and gathered his gun where he reloaded the mag. 

“Good, cooking duty wouldn’t be the same without you.” You peaked up from the table and your eyes went to the grenade that dropped just in front of it. Alexsandr started to rise and follow your lead just in time for you to snatch the strap on the front of his armor. His body moved with yours as you dived back down and dragged him along with you. “‘Nade!” The explosion went off only a second later and his eyes locked with yours. The pair of you stayed frozen, panting slightly. 

“Marry me.”

“What?” Your mind restarted at the words and he smirked.

“You hear me, I died once, it would be a tragedy to die again knowing I didn’t marry you so-” He placed his dirty hand against your face. “-Marry me.”

“You thought now, of all times, would be a good time to ask? Alex we are in a gunfight.”

“You don’t want to get married?”

“I…I do, of course I do… Fuck, I’m going to marry you and then kill you for asking right now I swear to god.” 

His face stretched out into a massive grin and he got off you and peaked the table. Alex turned back to face you as you got off the ground. Without hesitation, you felt his lips against yours. It was only for the quickest of seconds but it was enough for you to blink a few times and stutter to his booming laugh, only covered by the sound of gunfire.

“It would be worth it!”

[sstarfruitt]

Haiiiii i just got back into ghostbusters and I was wondering if I could potentially request some Ray Stantz comfort because I’m rlly going through it rn </3

Bad Day

Ray Stantz X Reader (SFW)

     “(Y/N), Sweetheart, I’m home! You won’t believe it, the grocery store finally had that ice cream you… Oh.”

     Ray paused as he stood in the entryway of the apartment you shared with him, bags of groceries clutched to his chest. You looked up at him from your spot curled up on the couch and wiped tears staining your cheeks.

     Ray instantly set the bags down on the nearest table before hurrying over to your side, carefully sitting beside you. He lowered his face to meet your eyes, but you lowered your gaze shamefully. “Hey, Sweetheart…” he exclaimed softly, and cupped your face in his hand to lift your head. He met your gaze again with soft, worried eyes. “What’s the matter, (Y/N)?”

     “It’s nothing…” you rasped quietly.

     “Sweetie,” he said firmly. As he spoke, his thumb gently stroked your cheek. “C’mon. Tell me what’s wrong.”

     You only looked up at him quietly for a few moments before you sighed. “Not much, really, it was just…. A long day. This client at work was so rude to me for no reason…”

     “Oh, (Y/N), I’m sorry,” he said as he drew you into his arms and squeezed you softly. “That must have been awful.”

     “It’s such a stupid thing to be upset about.”

     “Not at all,” he answered softly, his hands slowly stroking up and down your back. “It feels awful when someone talks down to you. Trust me. Me and the guys know how it feels. There’s nothing wrong with being upset about it.”

     All you could do was bury your face into his shoulder and take a shaky breath. He pulled the blanket that was spread over the couch into your lap before squeezing you a little tighter.

     A few moments passed before his nose nuzzled into your cheek. “Hey… How about your favorite movie and that ice cream I bought you?”

     “Please,” you answered softly.

     “Okay. You wait right there,” he said as he pulled away. He briefly held your head in his hands to steady himself enough to lean in and kiss the top of it, then turned to get you your ice cream. As he walked away, you gathered the blanket around you, curling into it with a sniffle. 

     But it wasn’t long before he was in front of you again, carefully placing the little bowl of your favorite flavor into your hands. “Here, snack on that while I get the movie going.”

     “Okay,” you responded quietly, and watched as he grabbed the movie and carefully inserted it into the VCR. He fiddled with the buttons until the movie’s intro was playing, and he reacted by looking back at you with a little grin.

     “There! All set,” he said, then got to his feet and walked back over. He sat down beside you, careful not to make you spill the ice cream, and slung an arm around you. “How are you feeling now?”

     “A little better, thanks to you,” you answered, spooning some ice cream into your mouth before leaning your head into his shoulder.

     “Good,” he responded warmly. “And, y’know, in the future, you shouldn’t let it get to you when people act like that. I think people like that enjoy bothering people.”

     “I know, Ray. I know. It’s just hard sometimes.”

     He squeezed your shoulders lightly with his arm. “I understand. Stuff gets to me too, sometimes.”

     You didn’t respond, and instead just cuddled closer to him, cradling the bowl in your hands. Once you finished the ice cream, he set the bowl aside, which allowed him to squeeze you even closer.

     Eventually, during a slower moment of the film, you finally spoke again. “Thanks for taking care of me, Ray.”

     “I’m your boyfriend. It’s my job, Sweetheart,” he answered lightheartedly.

     “Yeah, but still…” You leaned back a little to look at him. He simply gazed back at you with his soft, mismatched eyes. “You’re so sweet about it. You’re always looking out for me, Ray, and it means a lot to me. I want you to know that it means a lot to me.”

     Another warm, soft smile spread across his face. “Well, I’m just trying to be the partner you deserve, Dear,” he responded.

     You giggled softly and exclaimed, “You’re so corny,” before leaning in to kiss him gently. He returned the kiss with a gentle hum as his arms wrapped tight around your waist. And as you parted for air, you continued, “I love you, Ray.”

     He simply responded warmly, “I love you too, (Y/N),”.

[kasaslovr]

❈ warning: f!reader, established relationship, pet names, consensual filming, marking?, penetrative sex. wc: 1.6k

❈ notes: i just needed to get something out so i have time to write my eren fic 🤞🏼 and i need request cause i don't got any inpso rn :((( anyway likes and reblogs r much appreciated mwah

reigen has always been a confident man, when it came to convincing clients or helping out mob and no matter what you always supported him with whatever. of course there would be those days he would be busy and he couldn't give all that attention you deserve, but that never stopped you from trying.

"y/n was quite clingy today, wasn't she?" serizawa asked as he came back in from the kitchen, he was doing some cleaning before locking up in a few minutes.

"uh huh," reigen answered mindlessly, he was more focused on editing out a spirt for client than what serizawa was saying, he really didn't want any homework.

"i can understand why, if i was asked out by someone so popular like you i would-" serizawa was cut off by reigen coughing behind his desk then stood up. "yes! i did ask her out so obviously she wants to be with me 24/7." he said very confidently and also very sweaty? but serizawa didn't pay any mind.

you have forgotten your keys on reigens desk so as soon as you reached the top of the stairs you heard reigns loud voice booming throughout the office.

"she acts like that cause she's grateful for me clearly, out of..lets see..100 women i chose her so its only right for her to be so needy," right after he let out a loud obnoxious laugh. you could see it, reigen with his eyes closed, one hand in his pocket while his other is moving all around exaggerating the story, you laughed to yourself.

you burst through the door with a cheery smile. "hi rei!! i forgot my keys here and i noticed its almost closing time so i thought we should go home together!!" you said all excitedly. reigen jumped a bit, starting to pack up while wiping the sweat on his forehead.

"o-of course let me help serizawa close up.." he said quickly grabbing your and the office keys. the office keys also had the sets to you twos apartment just in case. he was pushing you and serizawa out the office as he locked the door and as soon as you all got outside, he was pushing you to the car, "get home safe, serizawa!" he shouted out.

the car ride was as normal as it got. his hand was set on your thigh and you were humming to the songs on the radio while looking out the window. "what were you two talking about what when i walked in, rei?" you asked so sweetly.

"nothin.." he mumbled trying to focus on the road and not your cute voice and sweet smell of warm vanilla and how he could feel your eyes on him. "nothin important, don't worry about it, sweets." he reassured you.

with a single glance of you he saw you jut your lips out just a bit. oh how he wanted to kiss you and make you feel all better. he pulled up and quickly got out to open your door so that he could hold your hand on the way in. it was cute and small gestures like this that made your heart melt.

he used the keys and let you in first and then he followed locking the door. you took your coat off slowly enough so he could get his off too. "lemme run you a bath, you must've had a long day," reigen let out a strained laugh and made his way to the bathroom, but you caught his hand and pushed him down on the couch.

"i heard what you and serizawa were saying about me.." you started by straddling him and slowly untying his tie. "how i should be soo grateful and how you're just soo popular." you said giggling a little bit as reigen gulped.

"a-angel listen-" you cut him off by giving him a kiss that was almost straight out of porn filled with lust and need. "but reigen i thought you begged me to date you." you said pretending to think about it tilting your head.

"let me make it up to you please." you haven't even done anything and he was already begging with your hand in his, he was kissing it and you could feel the tent forming in his grey slacks.

"how about i give you a little lesson about you know, being grateful since maybe you got it wrong." there was such a sly smile on your face and reigen felt his breath get more and more heavier and his brain turning into mush.

your hands were all up in his hair as reigens were trying to get your clothes off as quickly as you can, he's been wanting this ever since you two got in the car. why were you being so mean?

you pulled away with saliva connecting both of your lips, his more bruised and shiny, he looked away as you dived into the space on his neck to leave dark purple splotches. "angel baby," he moaned as you got his sweet spot, but that didn't stop you.

he was so fucked out at this point, his neck filled with color, his hair all messy, and his cheeks felt like they were on fire. you pushed his shirt off and not even completely getting rid of his grey dress pants along with his boxers which have been dampened already. you began playing with his red and swollen tip, giggling when he let out small whimpers. you never broke eye contact with him while he was struggling to meet your eyes, he would always get flustered like this when its just you two.

you decided it was enough teasing for now so you casted your shirt off to the floor and along with your skirt that did nothing to hide what was underneath. you moved your panties to the side and started to rub reigens cock along the folds of your pussy, sighing in relief as soon you made contact.

reigens head is thrown back and giving every control in the situation, you could do anything you wanted to him right now and he would be so happy. when he lifted his head, he was met with you cute brown nipples at his level so of course he latched his mouth onto one them and used his hand to pinch and pull at your other boob, you looked down and couldn't help grinning down at him. you pulled away and he wanted more, but before he could say anything you finally took him whole into warm and sticky cunt.

"f-fuck, 's so tight-" he placed his hands onto your waist, but didn't leave any pressure so that you could move at your own pace, even when his brain was turning into mush he was so thoughtful. you started to move at a comfortable pace while clinging onto his reddened shoulders.

"you're just so pretty, reigen i w-wanna stay like this forever," you whispered softly in his ear and soon your pace quickened and soon it was too much for him and he was hiding his face in the crook for your neck, mumbling, "too much, you're too much, fuck.." his voice getting higher in pitch and more difficult to understand, but you knew exactly what he wanted. "you wanna cum, baby?"

he nodded still not making eye contact with you. you grabbed your phone from the little table on the side of the couch and turned the camera and focusing on him. "then look, show me how pretty you are. don't be so shy now." you coo at him, he looked up and all of sudden he feels a spotlight on him like he's then star of a show, but he couldn't bring it in himself to come up with a snarky and confident remark like he always would.

"p-please let me cum, need it," reigen pleaded and you we're feeling nicer so your bounces became rougher and quicker, bringing you both to the edge. "m gonna cum, m gonna-," he cut himself off with a fast breaths and louder moans and with his grip tighter on your waist and his eyes rolling back he shoots his hot milky semen into you.

you tossed the phone to the side not caring if its off and rubbing your clit and your climax hit you like a wave and it was like your cunt was trying to squeeze every little drop of him left while mixing his cum with yours. after a couple of labored deep breaths, you got up to clean both you up and when you came back from putting the towel away, reigen reached out for you.

"baby," he mumbled, his voice sounding worn out. "you know i love you and don't think you're clingy, just wanna see cool in front of everyone," he realizes how pathetic he sounds and almost embarrassing. you chuckled softly while running your hands through his hair.

"f course i know that and i love you too," you sighed out, chest tightening at this small moment of intimacy with him. all you could think about was how good of a boyfriend he was and reigen well he started coming up with ways to get you to be his beautiful wife.

bonus

"reigen-san...why are you wearing that mask? are you sick??" serizawa asked getting all scared. he's never taken care for a sick person. "reigen-san, why won't you talk to me? i won't get infected with whatever you have, i swear." reigen shook his head.

and with a tug on his mask off and a really strained voice, serizawa saw reigens red and still a lil puffy lips. "im fine, serizawa, lets just...continue work like normal, kay?" both reigen and serizawa looking away and reigen putting his mask back and he swore he heard serizawa let out a little chuckle. god reigen was so embarrassed.

[lurkingteapot]

Last Twilight ภาพนายไม่เคยลืม Ep 6

another episode that's UP THERE. Goodness. The watch blog is even more incoherent than usual, consider yourselves warned.

Day is like deflect deflect deflect

god that hangover remedy looks TOXIC

oh fuck I didn't clock that August clocked the flower, ffff

aah I love On

I don't love August

afadsfas Mawk

posturing, oh nooo

how does a wrist wrap make anyone collapse? oh wait, he fell and hurt his wrist?

PIZZA

product placement, huh

oh god Mawk is SO jealous

ajaan On!!!

i see August did NOT get a glass of water

I love On

Mawk seeing a CHANCE huh

August like …

oh god this is STRESSFUL I love ittt

the touching-letting go- touching is. SOMETHING.

are you still talking about the shoes, Day?

this house is so cute

I love Phawjai so much

oh goodness, Mawk's FACE just now

Jimmy's really come far

oh man, are those his own? ohh he fixed them

calling it now the flower thing is gonna be merch too

that was a n extremely fake looking stumble right now, sorry not sorry, you've both done better

we're back to the unspecified time story time!

is August flirting or … what

Day definitely is

asfasdfasdf I love On

Mawk just openly pining in front of everyone's salad

is this the Rangsit U sports grounds again

yeah, looks like it

oh god I hate jealousy as a plot device but urgh

okay at least they did not make the banana eating weird

Mawkkkk don't bring down his hopes--

ah

okay, that's more like it

what's UP here

I love these two together

I mean I especially love Phawjai

but they're so good as friends

you're making her point, dude

this is CUTE and I wonder what's gonna be the nail in the coffin for Day to choose Mawk over August

Hi Night, long time no see!

August is TRYING, huh

birthday coming up, huh

I want Chef Mon's hair

oh, are we getting Night backstory, huh

!!!! HE QUIT

he loves his little brother and it's hard for him that Day hates him, that's my read and I'm sticking to it

this seems like they filmed this early on, idk

leaving it to himmmm

I love that it's not that easy to answer and that they can just leave it at that

Day kicking his feet like a little kid!!!

Mawk FLIRTING

DAY FLIRTING BACK

I cannottttt

is he gonna ---------

no mention of the necklace, huh

OH he's putting his own cologne on him????

holy SHIT that's intimate idk also I need to find that scent

(P'Aof and scents is2g)

I LOVE that they're not being coy about the, whatever it is between them

AUGUST PLANNED THIS on one hand: this is so cute!!! on the other hand: YIKES SURPRISE PARTIES

so that's why August took Mawk to buy drinks

so we'll have, what, 1-2 more eps of AugustDay and then a  crisis and then MawkDay? aaah

August and that condescending little shoulder slap, WOW

but I want that cake kinda

he's gonna bum a cig-- yep

also how tall is that dude to make Jimmy look short

the cig in the cake, oh man Mawk. I get that you're mad, but that's nasty

he's heartbrokennnn and I bet the social status thing plays into it too

I'm not sure I get what's going on rn--

I love how they show anxiety rising here, it's beautifully done

that's like a "putting your name on things to show they're yours' thing and it's not cute august

preview has me super afraid that we're going to get a kiss out of them next part

I love Gee

love the way they have Day made up here, he really looks like someone coming off a BAD moment or five

the bridgeeee

Mawk is like 'what was I thinking', huh

Day's already fallen for Mawk, he's just catching up to that reality now, huh?

oh August isn't bad at looking smitten, either

not on Mawk's level yet, but that's okay

(Ohm is doing really well for a junior actor)

oh????

CALLED IT

holy shit

oh wow what TIMING, of course

of course

poor Mawk, he's so unlucky with his sunflower timing every time

JimmySea fans everywhere throwing a shit

and Jimmy this is probably the weakest acting I've seen out of you so far

what the fuck why did you push him??? what the??????

was that a pity thing???

oh August, you fucker, the road to hell etc

did Day hear that???

asdfasdfasdfadsfasdfasdasdf adfadfasdfasdfasdfasdfasd oh DEAR

oh man Jimmy is MUCH better at being scary than at being kind

oh I unexpectedly love this??? y'know?

Mawk is Day's safe space atm, I love that.

what a terrible ending to a nice Birthday, huh

is this the early morning?? looks like it

ROOFTOP

kiss?????????

I feel like this is not the time?

that's … gonna backfire

tiny "mai" incoming?

no?

okay but Day is kissing back, huh?

Jimmy's eating

oh his voice went low there

but okay this is gonna get awkward I BET

OH we're going to get the "proving yourself / your love" arc in ep 7, huh. P'AOF!!!!

[izzy-b-hands]

9 People You'd Like To Know Better

tagged by @sherlockig, thank u Alexz!!!

Three ships: Gatboss (Johnny Gat/Boss, Saints Row), Nickles (Nathan/Pickles, Metalocalypse), and Ouizzy (Frenchie/Izzy, OFMD.)

I do wanna note that there were close runner ups for each of these fandoms tho lol.

Notably: Gat/Aisha/Boss for Saints Row; Chickles (Charles/Pickles), Skwistok (Skwisgaar/Toki), and Skwickles (Skwisgaar/Pickles, at least I think I've typed up their ship name correctly this time) for Metalocalypse; and Rizzy (Roach/Izzy), Blackhands (Ed/Izzy), Steddyhands (Stede/Ed/Izzy), and Tealoranges (Oluwande/Jim) for Our Flag.

First ship: God uhhh...if we're going as far back to the era of 'technically it was shipping, but I didn't have a fandom space for it bc I was a smaller child & didn't really know what shipping was at that point' then probably Phoebe/Helga from Hey Arnold! ? They're one of the first I can recall at least lol. I vaguely recall admitting to a friend in school that I thought they were together 'like ppl are when they're dating' and that got a Reaction lmao.

Last song: Probably not a shock, but a Dethklok song lmao. The whole album fucks tho, so I highly recommend giving the full thing a listen if u like metal at all.

Currently reading:

This Is How You Lose The Time War and just started Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea: Merchant Seamen, Pirates and the Anglo-American Maritime World, 1700-1750.

Last film: Jimi Plays Monterey, I have it playing as I type this actually lol. Prior to that was Army of the Doomstar (could only afford to rent it for rn so u know I made sure to watch it like three times before the rental period ended ldkasfja)

Currently craving: God. this one is actually hard to answer, bc I've been trying not to think abt cravings of any kind the last few months for varying reasons but. If I can go slightly big and possibly outlandish for this one:

A vacation. All expenses paid (including food & travel in at least Comfort+ level if we're flying at all), for me and Housemate. To two places: a week in a place I really wanna go, and another week wherever Housemate really wants to go. I don't care what we do when we get there really, just that we get to hang out and do stuff and not worry abt anything for awhile. I'm gonna add that all expenses paid will also help us cover someone to watch and feed the cats while we're gone (which is an honour tbh, they are sweet lil gremlins, the babiest of boys, and v chill, good company to hang out with.)

Tagging: @nonbinaryachilles, @cizzychaos, @feelmyskin, @val-pearson, @benjhawkins, @ofmdtereomaori, @alliumbroth, @dianetastesmetal, and @arsenicflame (only if u guys wanna of course and haven't already been tagged to do this; no pressure or obligation!!!)

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary366

9/21/24

saturday

read more today.

i wrote this earlier because of the reading:

waking from dreams with visions of hanging gardens over white countertops, my home(s), grandmother’s house, my stepfather’s house, conjoined and mine, i am tending to things, cooking cleaning, great vines of ivy and the white tile, a gel film over a lens, a blooming green, terracotta and the ceiling’s hooks, the blues of the chains, visions years in the past arriving once again, a cycle of waves: 

hours later, reading mad love by breton, the image appears:

it is from now on perfumed, as if tiers of gardens were to be raised above us. 

an earlier notion in the book, desire wavering the preconscious shallows (knee-high water, in the night, nothing standing but in the reflection, intercut by the darkness of moonless night, a body, staring, pointing) all its methods of showing the object of desire, dreams and the encounters with objects, the answers to thirst and tomorrow will be other, or some such thing.

the book is very good, he's hit an incredible stride at the point i'm at, recounting this night/day he had with this woman, walking through paris, he says at one point, pleading with himself it feels like, let me have faith in my new sun, the page prior he said something about how it's only in fairy tales where doubt does not creep in, about love, the fact he makes space for both of these feelings, the restlessness, is incredibly beautiful. it's all very much though, the sense of longing, following someone through conversations, the city, the absence of this kind of... it's about the being there with her, the sense of everything, movement especially, movement speaking to the feelings, it's become more physical now but not less complex, it's taking all these ideas and placing them in the body now, it makes it hurt almost, how lovely it is. so it is of course becoming a favorite, a book where i have to earmark 3 pages in a row.

i keep thinking, should i try joining this vc i see going on? i guess i can try, i keep feeling tired then un tired and all over again, plus i'm anxious, but what for? the book proves to me, i have a new sun in my life, or less new than breton's, she's been here for years with me, both of us encountering the other (i am her moon, at least, i hope so (this describes our dynamic well (it is the sun which chases the moon))), i have this beating heart within my life, in it we live together, all fear can melt away, we offer to the other the well of potentiality every day by breathing, not for the other but around the other, we are plants supporting each other in roots. so why fear anything?

interesting to read this thinking of bataille because he proves the same things, in ways, but he is more about exhaustion, mania, sprinting to the edge and the sense of irretrievability, falling off the face of a cliff, infinite abjection, transgression and the return of the walls which one transgressed, always being painted as such though, the social forces and tensions which drive lovers to greater intensities and greater manias. the two, rejoined, breton and bataille, my gf and i said to eachother, would once again birth lautreamont into earth, or rimbaud.

but i do know what i fear, i think, i'm scared of being dull maybe, but... who cares, if i am dull i will be a dull blade, torturous, drawing blood by constancy over anything else, some pleasure to be had.

my gf is also out rn which is why i am contemplating this, she's with her friends making kpop charms, for ateez.

maybe i just don't want to, though, it doesn't matter, i should just hang out w/ these people when my gf is gone anyways, i also feel bad thinking about it because i haven't talked to some of my closest friends in a while in vc. this would be mostly like talking to strangers.

i will just not... yeah...

i also worked on music today, i did something to make a synth sound better, a couple songs actually, i think i need to do one last little thing to one, or get a better kinda sound out of it, and then i need to go back to an older problem song and figure that out... i want that to sound more grotty...

um, otherwise today, i've just been kind of sitting around, i'm very sleepy now, i keep waking up a little too early. but now i'm gonna sleep, oh i need to edit writing tomorrow... defininitellyyy,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[teamoimisstheoldyou]

sometimes I feel at this weird middle ground of not knowing who I am. I've always struggled behind closed doors with the way I look, with the way men treat me, and with the way I treat myself. I am kind, but far from gentle. I dont know if im beautiful. honestly, most of the time ive lived in my moms shadow, so ive never allowed myself to feel beautiful. now im turning 30 next year, and I want to make serious changes in my life. I dont want to be taking medications im currently on. I don't want to weigh as much as I do. I just dont even know the first step anymore. before everything used to be so black and white, but now everything feels gray and depressing. I wish I had the answer of how I could make myself feel better. but I know the it's not going to come from the attention of a man, the attention of someone else.

for the longest time, most people automatically assume either im male, or im gay. i dont let it bother me, but the truth is, the comments are routed in pain for me. not because there's anything wrong with either of those things, they just trigger me because my mom would use these tactics to manipulate me to dress more girly. and because of this, as an adult ive rebelled and dressed from the mens section for quite some time. I think uncovering the real meaning as to why I dress the way I do is to admit I have some resentment for the tactics my mom would use on me as a kid. My bio dad would also do the same, so I have grown up feeling not enough. it is so hard. it is extremely difficult ot feel like you're not enough , no matter what I do.

the career I chose has also not bared fruit in the way I thought it would. I thought I would be working on big budget films by now. I truly thought I would have my life together in Los Angeles, working alongside people I truly love as work collaborators. for now I feel stuck. stuck in a place where I need to show others how to be better versions of themselves, without believing I can be something better too because I feel unchallenged by the work I do. honestly, gil said this the other day and it stuck with me. we're the McDonalds of the music video industry, bc we don't create anything of substance. I think that the reason I cant create anything of substance is because im stuck in a place that I feel limited and that others are only in it for the money.

but truly,

I wish I had a better relationship with myself. I wish I could love myself the way others love themselves. I wish I wasn't crying rn. I feel so out of control of my emotions.

[evaxoxoblog]

16/2/24

Hello literally non existent people (i'm pretty sure no one is seeing these posts which is quite comforting tbh). I just had the weirdest experience with my bsf. We haven't spoken in a few months because she has been ill. she has also been a bit possessive over various kpop groups we both like (its dumb ik, but she was just constantly trying to one-up me in everything, whether it was pinterest boards, comments on insta posts, etc, (this didn't really bother me, but the next bit did) and recently she unfollowed me on literally every social media platform you could think of.) it was really fking weird. we met up today to talk about it and I kind of (?) have all my questions answered. i think we are on good terms and I think I handled it well. i won't go into the details because its personal, and I'm kind of scared she would see this even though she doesn't have tumblr lol, but I think I'm just gonna deal with it as it happens.

i'm meeting up with my other friends tomorrow and we are going to watch a horror film (that's what we always do together) and open the Christmas presents we got for each other, which we intended to give around xmas but we didn't make plans back then lmao. we also just gossip a lot bc we are all in different friendship groups so we can just dump everything to each other and it doesn't really matter. i love hanging out with them, though we only manage to meet up every two months haha.

another funny thing that happened was i got a voicemail notification from an unknown number. it was a recording of the felix 'wakey wakey' meme and I was actually terrified bc either my friend was pranking me or someone was stalking me haha. luckily it was the former option haha. she better prepare herself lol. i think I will send her a chan one bc he's her bias.

i have been listening to so much p1harmony recently, as well as skz. i love them both smmmmmm. i really want to get the Killin It album but I hate spending a lot of money at a time, so I'll wait a few months. currently watching the waterpark ep. of run bts rn which is banging as always. idk if I've already mentioned it but I really recommend guccitae.

back to school in three days, which I'm not mad about as I'm alright at school and I like seeing my friends. i started reading the book by Meiko Kawakami which is so good. I've almost finished my journal which feels weird too, but I'm excited. i got a new notebook for Christmas which will prob be my next one; exciting.

x eva

[jentlemahae]

i definitely get where anon is coming from but let me defend lisa a little here. yes she has been in paris a lot but, recently at least, she has been in thailand just as often. it seems she has moved out of sk bcs she was seen at the airport going to thailand with pet passports which implies that she has moved the cats to bangkok. if it’s fair to assume she’s splitting her time between paris and bangkok. also yes she has been on vacation a lot (i once saw someone call her the dua lipa of kpop fhdjdjjddj) but imo the pinks (and all idols tbh) have the right to have time off and do nothing if they want

sure we have seen that jennie, jisoo and rosie have been working lately, however lisa has expressed multiple times how her main priority rn is spending time with her family. she said she regrets not being able to see them often and yg didn’t allow her to see anyone for years even though covid restrictions were lifted and she had plenty of time off. ever since her grandfather passed away she said she worries about her parents getting old. her dad is now 70 so she wants to spend time with them. let’s not lie, her bf is a big factor for her being in paris but she also has her family there too (her cousin and niece). on top of that some of her time in paris has been due to performance rehearsals for both crazy horse and the upcoming gala AND she’s rumored to be in twd spin-off which is filmed there

in terms of what she’s doing next, i think she’s allowed to take time to figure out what she wants to do career-wise as well as how she approaches it. imo crazy horse wasn’t a mistake per se but i will agree with anon in that maybe it wasn’t the greatest choice to do it before her solo career has properly been established bcs it has affected one of her main markets (china). maybe she should have waited a year or at least until after she released her first album/ep

i won’t ignore the fact that the arnaults have been very close to her solo career over the last year but i don’t think it’s necessarily fair to narrow down every recent career move she has made to him and his family. idk none of us know what she’s up to and we’re just gonna have to be patient and wait and see. like you said, it’s too early to judge yet

yeah her decisions these days seem all be family-oriented and not too much about her career per, and (like u said) she’s perfectly allowed to do that! she is young, talented and already mega popular — i don’t think her career is gonna be in trouble even if she chooses on spending time with her loved ones for a few months

and i agree for crazy horse! i forgot to answer that part (my bad!) but i think if she had waited to do it once she had already started her solo journey it would have been better. however, it is a great opportunity so i can see why she said yes — i mean, if she had had the choice to do it this/next year it would have been good but we don’t know if she even had the option so 🤷🏻‍♀️

we’ll see what happens! i don’t think it’s fair to judge just yet

[unhingedknifeplay]

100, and tag your boyfriend. (Or, if one or neither of you feel comfortable with that, you can just answer 10 instead!)

(Not gonna do 100 rn because i'm feeling very bleh about myself atm, but i'll happily answer 10 and tag my bf^^)

@whorror-film Is the genuine love of my life; and he's my perfect little victim as much as he is my wonderful, needy boyfriend :3

10 - What is the hottest thing someone has ever done with you in bed? 

Anyone who apologises for whatever I'm calling them or doing to them. Like, whenever I degrade and humiliate my partner or someone until they cry, or I tell them that they're only a toy right now and don't deserve to feel like they're more than that unless they can get me to finish; if they then say sorry and promise to do better?? Or when he says he's sorry for making me rape him??

The first time I heard that in person it made me go completely feral, and I'm pretty sure it always will. It's the number one thing to make me just be as aggressive as possible without warning.

Thanks for the ask, anon~ <3